#couldn't even go back to sleep to give myself a good dream

[blue-lollipops-and-ice-clouds]

Woke up from a teaching nightmare that just had every one of my experiences from the last five years of teaching just thrown into one. So way worse than ones I've had before. Panic attack for a good few minutes followed by a now constant headache followed by currently going to reddit while crying and finding out this is pretty common even after quitting.

[rafesslxt]

Showerhead 2 | mattheo riddle

pt. 2 — you can find pt. 1 here

summary: after you and mattheo had some fun in the shower, you two can‘t stop thinking about each other and that night. But who gives in first to sin again after a little jealousy?

words: 5,1k

warnings: heavy dirty talk again, cursing, making out, dry humping, teasing, controlling, praising, bj, unprotected p in v, shower, swallowing, legilimency (mind reading),

note: you don‘t have to read part 1 for this part but have fun if you want to

— in the great hall —

After that night in the shower 2 weeks ago, I couldn‘t stop thinking about it. I dreamed about it in my sleep, daydreamed about it in class and lunch while Hermione talked about some book we needed to read to understand everything in potions.

I hated it but everytime we crossed paths, he winked at me and I couldn't help myself but start blushing. As soon as I saw his face, I saw it between my legs.

"Y/n? Are you even listening?" Hermione says and shakes me a litte at my shoulder. "What? Yeah yeah of course, I'm gonna read it." They all look at each other before their eyes are on me again. "We were actually talking about how Cormac seems to have quite interest in you." Harry then continues.

I start laughing loud, looking at them as If each of them has 3 heads." What the hell are you talking about?" "Told ya she's not listening.." Ron says, raising his eyebrows as he bites into his toast.

"I thought he‘s interested in Hermione?" I ask as my laughter calms down a bit. "Harry heard him talking about how he would - well.. do certain things to you." My amused face turns into a disgusting one as I hear what Ron says.

"Yeah and guess who‘s got an invention to Slughorn‘s dinner?" Hermione says with raised eyebrows.

Ron looks at her shoked. "What?? That prick got one and I didn‘t?"

"Oh god no.." a few days ago Harry, Hermione and myself got an invention to tonights Slughorn‘s dinner for his favorite students. ".. but wait, how do you know who‘s coming?" I ask her. "I just asked him after the last lesson of potions. It‘s Neville, Ginny, Blaise Zabini, Mattheo Riddle, Corma –" "Mattheo Riddle?" I ask her shocked, looking at her with wide eyes.

I would see him again? Like.. this close and with people around us? My mind is racing as Hermione answers. "Yeah well, you know he‘s really smart and good in potions." "And he has an interest in special students and Mattheo is.. well – special." Harry comments.

Ron snorts and talks with a full mouth. "Mh yeaw hiff fatha was "speschal".

Hermione rolls his eyes at his full mouth and looks at me again. "Why are you so suprised by his name?" she asks me a little suspicious. " oh uh- just suprised, i always thought Mattheo is uh - not interested in things like that."

"Why would chou think about wat Mattheo is-" "Ron just eat and shut up!" I snap at him making the other two widen their eyes a bit.

I collect my things and stand up from the table. "I‘m gonna go to.. god i don‘t know I‘m gonna go." I say, walking off before they can answer. Because it‘s the weekend I luckily don‘t have classes today. I don‘t think I could concentrate in one of them after the information I just got. God why him? Why me? Maybe I can say I feel sick.. no he would know. I can‘t back down.

I walk down a hall, not thinking where I am going and suddenly crash into something hard but not as hard as a wall. My book and writing stuff falls to the ground and I look up, staring right into the face of Mattheo.

My brain went blank in this monent. "What princess? Aren‘t you happy to see me?" he grins down at me before he gets down and picks up my stuff. "Hm I remember a similar moment, same position." He smiles even more when he sees my red cheeks and not talking mouth. As he gives me my stuff he presses his mouth to my ear and whispers "I‘m looking forward to tonight" And with that, he‘s gone.

I‘m so fucked.

— at the evening —

" Do you know what you‘re wearing?" I ask Hermione while I put on some makeup. I hear her sigh and she goes "yeah I have this one dress I really like. What about you?" I shake my head as I search for my lipliner. " Not really, but I have enough dresses so I‘ll find something." Hermione laughs at my comment as she pulls out her dress and changes into it.

After I‘m done with my makeup and hair, I walk over to my closet, looking for a nice dress.

"What about this one? It would fit perfectly for the occasion." She says as she pulls out a dress of mine. It is long and black, with cute little arms on it. "It‘s pretty but I want something.. else." As i go trough my clothes I think about Mattheo again and what would impress him. God I need to stop it.

"Well what are you looking for?" "Hmm something likeee.. this." It‘s perfect. It‘s short but not too short, i know it sits beautifully on me and.. it‘s green.

(imagine something like this but in some green tone and longer so it‘s more school approved)

Hermione raises her eyebrows and looks at me. "Are you sure? Isn‘t it a little too.. party?" I love her for how she always chose her words wisely and with a knowledge for not hurting and judging people. I know what she meant but she would never think about judging me. Even when I put my clothes on she wouldn‘t pick, she makes me feel great in them.

"Yeah, I‘m sure." I smile, putting it on. When I look into the mirror I smile even more, thinking about how Mattheo will react seeing me in it.

As the time comes we take our purses and walk outside our dorms, meeting Harry and Ron in the common room. "You both look great." Harry tells us like the gentlemen he is but Ron just scans me like a little hater and looks at me. "Isn‘t that a little too flashy?" "Ron!" Hermione hits him on the shoulder.

"Don‘t be mad at what you can‘t have Ronald." I say grinning and winking at him before I link my arm into Harry‘s with Hermione doing the same on his right side.

We walked through Hogwarts, towards the dinner and the closer we got the more my heart started beating as If I‘m running a marathon.

I open the door in front of us after taking one last deep breath and walk inside with my two friends.

Everyone was already there, seated perfectly. "Oh hello you three! I‘m so glad you made it. Please choose a seat and get comfortable." Professor Slughorn greets us. I always liked him, even tho many say he‘s a little weird sometimes but I think thats exactly what I do like about him.

As I walk towards an empty seat, I scan the table, looking at Mattheo when I found him but his eyes were already on my dress.

Quickly I look away, seeing that Cormacs eyes were on me too which made me gag a little.

But god Mattheo looks so good. He wears a simple white shirt with a black tie and black slacks. Damn what I would give to ride his thigh in these – "Y/n you‘re staring." Hermione whispers into my ear, making me realise i stared right at Mattheo, but to my suprise he‘s still looking, not breaking eye contact for a second.

I gulp and look away, feeling my cheeks getting warm. God I hate it so much what kind of affect he has on me. I can‘t be the only one..

Wait. I‘m a woman. I can definitely tease him and make him feel the same.

The dinner goes on, nothing special besides Ginny who came in crying. Definitely have to ask her with Hermione about that later in detail.

As desert comes I look around the table, meeting Cormacs eyes. He licks of some ice cream from his fingers and wiggles his eybrows at me. Oh god I think I‘m gonna throw up.

As soon as I can I look away to Mattheo who was giving Cormac one of his death stares. Interesting.

I don‘t really know why i think it‘s a good idea but i do think it is. So I lean back a little, presenting the low cut at the front of my chest. I see Mattheo‘s eyes flicker to my chest and so do Cormac‘s but Mattheo‘s eyes switch back really fast to Cormac and give him a second glare. Really interesting.

I smile triumphal and lean a bit forwards again, pressing my boobs together this time. Instantly I get a headache but a really intense one. I hiss in pain which makes Harry look at me worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just got an really bad headache.“ i whisper back, wondering what it caused.

Soon the dinner was over and everyone thanked Slughorn for the invitation. "I‘ll stay and try to figure out what that missing memory of Slughorn‘s is." Harry whispers to us before staying behind.

My headache got a bit better but It still didn‘t go away. As we walked trough the door I said to Hermione and Ginny "You guys go to the common room, I‘ll follow. I just wanna get some advil from Miss Pomfrey.“ They nod and tell me that they will go into Ginny‘s room to talk more privately.

It‘s already late and a bit after curfew but Professor Slughorn told us he made sure we would get in no trouble If someone sees us.

I rub my head slighty, trying to ease the pain on my way but nothing helped.

Then, out if nowhere a hand slaps over my mouth and a arm wraps around me, pressing me against a body. I scream into the hand, trying to get myself free until I see who the hand and arm belongs to.

"You didn‘t think I would let you go off that easily in that little dress of yours huh?“ Mattheo breathes against my face as it was only a few inches away from mine.

He slowly takes his hand away from my mouth, letting me speak. "What do you mean?" I ask and try the innocent act but he doesn‘t buy it.

"Oh princess, princess, princess. You can‘t fool me. I know that you wore this excuse of an dress for me. Fuck and also in my house color's? That‘s no fucking coincidence."

I gulp at his words and the fact that he knows who I wore it for. There‘s not even a single chance for me to lie. "And what If I did wore it for someone else?" Only one way and that‘s to push his last buttons. Oh how I wanted to push that buttons until –

"Someone else, yeah? Then who was it for?" "Cormac." As soon as his name left my mouth I regretted it. I see his jaw clenching and his grin fading. "Cormac yeah? So you didn‘t thought about me the whole dinner?" I slowly shake my head no, not daring to move now.

"So you‘re wet for him right now? Not me?" "What? I‘m not–" but as soon as I move my legs I feel it too. Shit. When I only look up at him his grin comes back.

"Yeah that‘s what I thought.. so why don‘t we skip this bullshit and you come with me?" Before I can even answer him, he takes my hand and pulls me trough the corridors, towards the Slytherin common room. " Mattheo I can't-" "Shut up." he hisses and whispers something under his breath so the doors to his common room would open.

"Can't fucking believe you pulled such a show in front of that stupid dick." he growled quietly before we reach his dorm. I start smiling as I see he's getting mad at the fact that Cormac saw me in that dress. "T'fuck you smiling about huh?"

As we enter his room I notice that there is only one bed which makes me wonder. "Don't you have a roommate?" "No, I have my own room." I scoff at his answer and look around his room. It has a big bed beside the window of the room and a little nightstand beside it. On the other side of the room is a big couch and a armchair.

But before I could think about it any further, he pulls me into his lap, face towards his, after he sat down on the armchair. "You know, you could have just told me If you missed me princess. Didn't need to dress all up for me." He puts his hands on my hips, grabbing them tightly.

I roll my eyes at him and act as If I didn't already enjoy his touch. "Didn't miss you." I say, looking away from him. He chuckles and pulls my face back to his with his fingers on my chin. "Are you sure?" I only nod and look into his brown eyes. They look so dark without any light in the room, that they send even more shivers down my spine than usual.

"Is your head better? Still in any pain?" he asks me grinning. "Yeah they-" wait. I never told him about my headache. Or could he hear when I told Hermione and Ginny? Or when Harry asked me at dinner?

His hands slowly wander down to my tights were my dress slowly rose up and placed them there, squeezing my flesh lightly. I felt his breath on my neck, giving me goosebumps. "It's gotten better, right?" he asks again. His lips ghosted over my skin, making me bite my lip.

"How do you know?" I ask him in a whisper. "I know everything that goes through your pretty little mind baby."

I tried to figure out what he meant by that but I couldn't concentrate with his hands on my skin and his lips almost against my neck. I need him so much.

"What baby, can't concentrate? Too much for you already?" he coos and finally kisses my neck, nibbling on the skin between his lips.

I can't believe how easy he gets under my skin with his kisses and whispers, not even doing anything. " I know you dreamed about me these last two weeks, thought about me at every chance you got. In class, in the shower, wishing it was me who touched you." he groaned against my throat.

My eyebrows squeeze together at his words. " How would you know that?" "Did you never wonder why your head always hurted at the same times?" I gasp and pull my neck away from him. " Are you reading my mind?" my eyes go wide as he just smiles at me sheepishly. Oh my god, no. This can't be. He's not allowed to know all these private thoughts.

"You don't know how hard it was for me to stay away and wait until you would come back to me but you little minx didn't and after tonight.. I couldn't just let you slip away from me again."

"Y-you can't do that Mattheo. That's not allowed. These are my thoughts." "I know baby but I couldn't help myself after that night in the shower. You were like a dream coming true so submissive and responsive to me. Fuck I'm already getting hard just thinking about it. But you understand I didn't have a chance, right? I couldn't risk you thinking about someone else then me."

He slowly pulled my dress up, exposing my tights and underwear. "God are you for real? Did you plan this?" he groans as he sees my matching set, a dark green lingerie set.

He pulls me closer to him, looking deep into my eyes.

"Ride my thigh." he commands and puts his hands back on my hips. "What?" I ask, looking at him dumbfounded. " It's my thigh or nothing. I'm not helping you getting off this time." I look at him with my mouth hanging open in shock. How could he be so cruel?

"C'mon, ride it baby I know you thought about it at dinner." My cheeks got red as he mentioned that. He dips his head towards my neck again and starts covering it in wet kisses. "Don't test my patience, love." he whispers and tightens his grip on my hips, moving them slowly. I gasp at the sudden friction.

"Feels good, right?" I only nod, closing my eyes as I start to move my hips in circles against his thigh. I feel so dirty doing this but at the same time it feels so good to finally get the friction I needed the last weeks again.

I feel my clit rubbing against my underwear, making me whimper and move my hips faster. "Fuck, look at you. I thought you were desperate back in the shower but now you're just getting yourself off on my thigh like a dirty little whore." I moaned at his words combined with his kisses on my skin. His lips went lower, first towards my collarbones, then further down to my chest.

I feel one hand of him wander to my underwear and pushing it to the side so my bare pussy rubbed against the material of his pants. I whine at the feeling, my hands grabbing his broad shoulders. " Oh my god. I'm so close Mattheo." He laughs wickedly against my chest, pushing down my dress so it hangs at the middle of my body. His mouth wanders to my bra, unclasping it with one hand behind my back.

"You're so beautiful baby, never ever am I waiting two weeks again for that." he growls and starts massaging my boobs and playing with my sensitive nipples.

I arch my back, shivers run down my spine at his touch. The grinding get's more and more intense. "Feel this?" he asks as he takes my hand and puts it on his bulge. "It's just for you." I bite my lip and look down at my hand. It looks so painful that I start massaging it through his pants. He bucks his hips up into my touch, his breathing getting heavier.

While still riding his thigh, I open his pants and push them down together with his boxershorts. His already fully hard cock slaps against his stomach before I take him into my hand. I spread the pre-cum over his tip with my thumb and start moving my hand up and down. "Shit princess.." he hisses, thrusting his hips up into my hand.

"I'm so close Mattheo.." I whine as I almost start rutting my hips against him. "Come on my leg baby, do it." he groans, lips apart.

I let go of his cock for a moment to dig my nails into his shoulders for support as I press my throbbing clit harder against him. He takes his cock into his hand and jerks himself off as he watches me panting and moaning.

With a deep twisting feeling in my stomach I come all over his thigh, riding out my orgasm.

"So good for me, look at how much you came." he says and I look down at his pants, a big wet spot on them now. My legs still shake from my high and I look up at him again.

Mattheo's POV:

Fuck. I don't know what it is but I have a feeling that this girl is going to be the death of me. With hooded eyes she looks up at me and almost get's me to cum in my own hand just from her eyes looking into mine. She had such a chokehold on me, but I will never admit that to her.

I smile down at her before I speak "already fucked out again and I didn't even touched you." The same thing I told her two weeks ago after I've eaten her pussy and she came after 3 minutes.

"Fuck off." she mumbles and falls slightly against my chest. "As much as I enjoy this closeness baby.." I start, nodding towards my rock hard cock, laying against my stomach.

I push a strand of hair behind her ear and whisper into it. " Suck on it." Her eyes go wide and she looks down on me with those innocent eyes again. " Don't tell me you never sucked cock with those pretty lips." I say, looking at her plump lips, almost begging to be fucked.

She rolls her eyes at me again, making me want to choke her until she stops. " I have." Her answer makes my clench my jaw, wishing she would've just said she didn't.

I pushed her down in front of my legs. I grab a pillow from the couch beside us and put it under her knees, making her grin. " Don't tell me you suddenly care for me Matty?" Now I am the one who rolls his eyes.

I grab her pretty hair into a ponytail and push her towards my cock. She takes it into her hand and starts to lick off the pre-cum from my tip. A moment later she starts sucking on my tip, making me smile. I have a feeling this is going to be good.

I hiss as her wet lips and warm mouth take more of my cock into her mouth. I close my eyes and let my head hang backwards. " Come on y/n, show me what you got."

Suddenly she takes me all the way down her throat, my eyes almost bulging out of my head and my mouth falling open. "Oh fuck, yeah!" I groan, gritting my teeth together. I swear I could feel her smile around me.

She bobs her head up and down in a fast pace, making me moan and groan like a little bitch. Fuck, what is it with this girl?

I feel my tip hitting the back of her throat. " Oh Shit." I lift my head up to look down at her. Her eyes are teary and her hands support herself on my tights. I start grinning, wishing I could take a picture of her pretty mouth around me.

Her throat clenches around me so delicious I almost came. "Hmm baby, you know how to suck cock. Gonna give you that." I pant.

One of her hands go down to my balls, massaging them. " Oh - " I throw my head back again, feeling something in my lower stomach. My hips buck up and I hear her gag, only getting me closer to my high. "M' gonna cum down your throat and you'll swallow it, yeah?" I ask her, breathing heavy. It doesn't take me long to cum and fill her mouth. "Fuckkk.." I groan, pushing her down even harder so her nose touches my stomach.

"Swallow it. All of it." I slowly let go of her, but seeing her cough a little only fuels my desire. She opens her mouth after she swallows and shows me that she swallowed every single drop.

"That's a good girl. Now come on.. let's take a shower." I say grinning at her and helping her back up. "Mattheo I don't know If I can walk so far." she sighs as she stands on her still shaky legs.

I kiss the top of her head, something I never do but just feels right with her. " You don't have to. I have my own shower." I pick her up bridal style and carry her towards my bathroom."

Y/n's POV:

As he picks me up to carry me, I feel a few butterfly's in my stomach but I try to suppress them.

He let's me down when we stand under his shower. His clothes hit the floor. "Hot or cold?" he ask, putting his hand on the tap. "Hot." I say and watch his back. Last time I didn't noticed but he has big scars all over his back, some even on his chest. He must see my face cause he asks me "What's wrong?" I shake my head and try to smile.

"Nothing." I see it in his eyes that he doesn't buy my lie but doesn't push me either. As the warm water hits my skin, I sigh in relief. I let my hair get wet and wash off the makeup I had on. While I did so, Mattheo stands right behind me, his hands on my hips, scanning my face.

I open my eyes and see him looking. " What?" I ask grinning. " You're beautiful." I roll my eyes and look away again, trying to hide my blush. "You don't have to try to get into my pants. You already are." He turns me around and holds my face. " Hey.. I really mean it. And not just your body. Your face is prettier than the ones of angels." My eyes widen at his words, not expecting that kind of words from him.

He clears his throat and looks away for a moment himself. That's when I grab his face in both my hands and crash my lips into his. The kiss is hungry, more passionate and different than the last times. More tender.

One of his hands slide up and down my back, while the other lays on my hip. "You make me crazy, princess." he admits, mumbling against my lips. I smile into the kiss. "Don't go soft Mattheo." I say, teasing him.

He starts kissing my neck, but less soft and more aggressively now. "Remember who's in charge here baby. I would choose your words wisely." He lifts me up so I wrap my legs around his waist. "This time I wanna see your face when I fuck you."

He takes his cock into his hand and positions it at my entrance, teasing me with it. „Mattheo come on, fuck me.." i huff out frustrated. "Beg for it, wanna hear you beg again like the last time I fucked you." I roll my eyes at his ego, but still do as he tells me to. "Please, I'm already begging you to fuck me."

Ge grins down at me and slowly pushes inside me, holding eye contact the whole time. His lips part and his eyes get lazy. "Fuck, you feel just as good as the first time I fucked you stupid."

I want to bite back but only bite my lip as he starts thrusting in a fast and hard pace. "What was that? I'm going soft princess?" His grip on my hips gets tighter and he starts kissing my neck up and down. " N-no you're not.." I whimper, closing my eyes and letting my head fall back against the wall.

What was is that he had me under his control so much? Not even a single brain cell told me to not do as he says. I can't with this boy..

His lips work their way up to my ear and he whispers "I'm a man baby, a boy wouldn't fuck you like I do. " Goosebumps erupt over my body and again he's right. " Stop messing around in my head." I growl lightly, supressing a moan in my throat. "You're all mine. I don't give a shit about how you see that, cause I know your body screams for mine every night. And it will never get someone else's. Do you understand?"

He stops kissing my neck and looks at me while thrusting his hips against mine. A shiver run down my spine as I looked into his eyes, but this time not a good one. It was ice cold. I never saw him looking tat serious and cold. Possesive. "Do. You. Under. Stand." he asks me again, deep and hard thrust for every word.

"God yes, Mattheo. I understand!" I cry out as his fingers find their way towards my clit, rubbing it in circles. My nails leave marks all over his back, drawing a little blood.

He starts hissing but laughing at the same time at the pain. He's gonna be the death of me. "No, you're gonna be mine, princess. Do that again with your nails, turns me on." As I don't, he mumbles a quite "okay" and presses me harder against the shower wall, fucking me even deeper and more brutal. My nails find their way back inside his skin and I'm sure If we had been o the bed It would be broken by now.

"When are you gonna learn to not be a little brat, huh?" he asks, a smirk on his face. "I own you now, baby." I let out half a snort half a chuckle. " Do I own you then too?" I ask sarcastically. " You own every inch of me."

My face falls a little at his answer, not expecting it. Did he mean that?But as soon as my thoughts started, I forgot them as he starts to rub my clit even harder, but in a steady rhythm.

"Oh yeah look at that in pleasure twisting face, that's fucking it." he groans, his thrust becoming more erratic. One hand leaves my hip and wraps itself around my throat, squeezing it with the perfect amount of pressure. A broken scream leaves my lips with my eyes rolling back.

"Yeah scream so loud Cormac hears who‘s name you‘re moaning tonight." I press my lips together but he squeezes my throat tighter. My walls clench around him, making him lose his control, eyes rolling back a bit with a smile to it. "I love that pussy so much fuck.I bet he can't fuck you like I can, huh?"

This time my answer comes in a instant. " No- no he can't. I'm so close Mattheo, please." I moan as I feel this deep twisting feeling in my stomach. His lips meet mine, to my surprise. Unlike how he fucks, he kisses me soft and passionate. "Come around me baby.Please fucking come around me." he groans almost desperate.

And just like that I let go and let the feeling of my orgasm overflow me. "Hm shit.. can I come inside you baby?" Mattheo pants against my lips while he looks down between us. I just nod quickly, feeling him coming inside me a few seconds later. "Shit.." a whimper leaves his lips as he fills me up.

My stomach twists again at the sound so I look at him and scan his face for a moment. I think that's the hottest sound my ears ever came across. He looks fucked out too, his eyes heavy.

He slowly pulls out but still holds me. "You make me so addicted." he confesses to me, looking between my eyes and lips. I had to. " So you're going soft now again?" I tease him, out of breath.

He chuckles lowly which ends with me bent over every single surface in his room.

I don't know how long I can survive in that.

—

I just know ya‘ll hate and love me for posting this.. after weeks :) <3

There‘s gonna be a part 3, the final then. Hehe.

Taglist: @idk-simra @kindnessspreads @purplegardenwhispers @glittervame @oxi8 @lovelyygirl8 @yakosobaboba | thank you for supporting guys 🫶🏻

I created a Tag List Form if you‘re interested: Taglist Form

xoxo sarah <3

[astarion-obsessions]

I think not enough people understand that Astarion doesn't want you to be his main or only source of blood. This even stands in direct contrast to what he really wants to achieve with biting Tav. Let me explain.

Why Astarion doesn't want you to be his blood bag

Let me start with explaining how I approached this topic. First of all, when I triggered the bite scene in my playthrough, I obviously let Astarion drink from my Tav. But then I got curious. What happens when I don't stop him? He's said I could trust him just a moment ago, didn't he? So I did just that, I trusted him literally with my life. 

Aaaand... he killed me. Well. What did I expect from a vampire, really. But that he actually drained me dry broke my heart. I really wanted to trust him, to reach out and show him that I didn't judge him for what he was and so on. I was really disappointed in him and couldn't quite grasp why he would do this. Was it a conscious decision? Did he lose control? Surely he would apologise and explain everything to me once someone resurrected me, returning the trust I was giving him the night prior, right?... right?

Of course not. The dialogue after him killing Tav was... at least as disappointing as him killing Tav in the first place. He shows his usual attitude, apologises half-heartedly and then just keeps going on with talking about draining the occasional bandit. He even snaps when you mention the topic of him feeding after that with something like "I already apologised, what more do you want?".

There's no real regret, no emotions. He simply doesn't care.

We know that he didn't care in the beginning, he tells us as much when he confesses his unwanted, growing feelings towards Tav in act 2. But still the whole bite scene didn't sit right with me until…

The Nightmare 

I randomly stumbled upon a clip of Astarion having a nightmare, so I researched about it and even started an Astarion run to experience it myself. So, if you play as Astarion, at the second long rest of act 1 he has a nightmare about Cazador, in which he recites the rules that defined how Astarion and the other spawn had to live:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. 

Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. 

Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. 

Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine. 

However Astarion reacts to this dream, he jolts awake afterwards and instinctively panics that he needs to find a way back to his master as soon as possible. His eyes set on his companions, who are sleeping / meditating peacefully around the fire, and then a thought passes his mind.

He could try to break one of Cazador's rules right then and there. He's able to stand in the sun, to bathe in running water, so maybe…

And that's why he decides to bite a companion. Astarion wakes up utterly terrified of what his master will do to him if he doesn't return to him in an instant - and he knows all too well what kind of horrors would await him if he so much as dares to think about rebelling again (read about that here) - so he is in desperate need of confirmation that he is now able to withstand and actively break the rules that have dominated his life for two centuries.

He needs to know that he is able to drink the blood of a thinking creature. And there they are. His clueless companions served on a silver platter. It's like an invitation to him, to test his boundaries. And who would be more fitting than the good hearted leader of the party Astarion wanted to (or already has) seduce(d) anyway?

This piece of information shed a whole new light on the bite scene. But let's look a bit closer at that. 

The Bite Night 

The very first thing Tav registers about what's going on with Astarion that night is him baring his fangs right above us, about to sink them into our flesh. He pulls back as soon as we open our eyes, retreating immediately until there's a safe distance between him and Tav. 

This may be the first time Tav gets to know that Astarion is a vampire, so he gets defensive and tells us that he's never killed a person for food, only animals. But then, instead of letting the idea of feeding on Tav go, he insists that animals aren't enough. 

But it's not enough. Not if I have to fight. I feel so weak. 

If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better. Please. 

Then he goes on, literally pleading to get what he wants while putting on a sad expression in the end, even averting his gaze. 

And if we now have in mind that he just woke up from a nightmare about Cazador, feeling powerless and in desperate need of even a glimpse of hope that he might escape Cazador's cruel grip, his lines make a lot of sense. He's veiling the truth, of course, but not all of what he says is a lie. 

He indeed feels weak - powerless in fact - so drinking Tav's blood (the blood of a thinking creature) could prove that he may have regained a bit of power over himself, which had been exclusively reserved for Cazador the last 200 years. This would absolutely make him feel stronger, more confident than he's felt for a long, long time. 

And he indeed could think clearer after tasting Tav's blood, because this would bring clarity to the question if he is now able to break Cazador's rules on purpose and therefore give him information to work with when he needs to think about what to do next. 

Right after this, we get the chance to push into Astarion's mind, and if we do this, we can see what he thinks about. 

His mind opens up, revealing cracked and quivering memories. At their heart, you see dark eyes, commanding you to feed. 

You open your mouth and bite down. Not into a tender neck, but in the twisting body of a rat - the only thing your master lets you eat. 

He recalls the memory of how his master used to force him to eat disgusting vermin. As his memory is told, we can clearly see how deeply this affects him, for he can't keep up his walls of defensiveness and detachment. They just crack, crumble and reveal his misery clearly for Tav to observe. When we ask him about it directly afterwards, he first seems to search for a way out - a witty remark, anything - but gives up almost immediately. And he looks and sounds just completely defeated and tired, confirming what Tav just saw in his mind. 

He goes on with talking about trust. I think here he's seeing a chance to gain Tav's sympathy. If he already reveals such delicate information about his past, he can as well make use of it. So he appeals to Tav's understanding, offering us that this past is the reason for him only trusting Tav slowly. But then he immediately adds that now he trusts Tav, and that in return Tav can trust him, too. 

What he does here is displaying himself as pitiful, gaining Tav's sympathy, then seemingly going out of his way and saying that despite all he does trust Tav, which puts Tav in the position to follow suit with returning the trust… which Astarion definitely lied about on his part. But that's what he does. Manipulating. 

If we then respond with "You tried to bite me. How can I trust you?" instead of assuring us of his trustworthiness with more manipulation, he gets frustrated. 

Because we don't have a choice! Not if we're going to save ourselves from these worms. 

But he goes on with masking his reasons, even if he gave us a hint right in the beginning of act 1 when we picked him up, where he said that he would rather control the tadpole instead of removing it. If we play as Astarion, it gets clear pretty fast that he holds onto the tadpole, because it seems to be the only thing that had been able to "save" him from Cazador whilst no one and nothing else even attempted to help him for two centuries. Of course he would not want to get rid of the tadpole just like that. But he says so nonetheless to align with Tav's goals and display himself as useful. 

And then he does something interesting. 

I need you alive. You need me strong. 

Please. Only be a taste, I swear. I'll be well, you'll be fine, and everything can go back to normal. 

In the beginning of this conversation he mentioned he needed the blood to fight better. Now he takes up on this by saying that Tav needs him strong, hinting on him getting stronger after having a taste of Tav's blood. And then he promises that after this "everything can go back to normal", which right now means Astarion feeding on animals again. 

A few things about this are odd. 

Firstly, "only be a taste". Everyone, literally everyone has heard about the insatiable hunger of vampires. So how is it supposed to work that Astarion gets stronger from just a taste of Tav's blood? For how long? A few hours? Not nearly long enough to pose a real advantage, eh? For me this makes no sense. And if we think about his true intentions - wanting to find out if he can break Cazador's rule - just a taste would be absolutely enough. (And after he bites Tav without killing them, he even says that he needs something more filling!) 

Secondly, if Astarion really wanted to become stronger with the help of Tav's blood, why would he promise to go back to normal afterwards? He just offered Tav a stronger companion but then immediately nullified this argument by literally saying that this will be a one time arrangement. 

Thirdly, he subtly offers a bargain. "You give me your blood, I will be a stronger fighter for you." He did so in the beginning as well, repeating it with different words. And it fits his character very well to do so, because for all he knows everything comes with a price. He almost gets beaten to death and Cazador mercifully comes to his rescue? The price is a never ending life of torment and abuse. Astarion helps a potential victim for Cazador to flee? The price is a year of starvation, locked up in a dusty and dark tomb without knowing if it will ever find an end. Mindflayers rescued him from Cazador, (passively) granting him to possibly be free of him at last? The price is becoming a tentacled monster in the end. 

If we then allow him to bite us, he's visibly surprised about our graciousness, but of course doesn't let this chance slip and suggests getting comfortable instantly. Then he finally gets to sink his teeth into Tav's neck. This part of the scene can more or less be viewed from both sides - Astarion's and Tav's. 

He begins to feed on Tav and after a bit we can decide to interrupt him, but have to pass an ability check first. This repeats a second time when playing Tav, and even if it's only one AC when we play Astarion and decide to bite a companion, it still aligns, showing that Astarion seemingly loses himself in the taste of Tav's blood - which is very likely because (as he later tells us) we were the first humanoid he's ever fed on, so it's imaginable that Tav's blood must be tasting almost divine to him. 

This theory is supported by his actions after we fail the first AC or just let him continue. He grabs the back of Tav's head to pull them towards himself, emphasising on how greedy he is sucking the blood out of Tav. The camera even uses the exact same angles before failing or skipping the first AC and after, so the comparison is easy and the difference is clear:

If we then fail or skip the next AC, Astarion just drains us dry… And it gets even better after the bite night. 

The Morning After 

When Tav gets revived and then talks to Astarion, he is visibly surprised to see us, after he left the dead body of Tav behind with saying "Oh no, something terrible has happened". Sure Astarion, something… 

All of this happens when Astarion still doesn't care for Tav. He reacts with panic when we confront him with the fact that he literally killed us, and just manages to get his expression under control after a few seconds. I mean, just look at him:

'Killed' feels like a strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour. 

He definitely knows what he's done, and that 'killed' is indeed the right word for it, he is just very very bad at coping with guilt (which is amazingly analysed by thelikesoffinn - definitely read this, you'll understand Astarion so much better after this). 

He instantly lays the focus on our codependency again, that we need each other and so on. If we question why we should keep him around, he answers with:

A strong, well-fed vampire? I'm a powerful weapon - you'd be a fool to toss me aside now. 

With mentioning this, he wants to make sure that Tav will let him stay by their side and therefore grant him protection. 

But more importantly he continues:

Anyway, last night was an aberration. It will never happen again. 

He doesn't even start with something like "Next time I'll be more careful" or anything similar. He straight up says that it will never happen again. Period. If we then ask who he will feed on next time he gets hungry, he presents the idea of feeding on villains and bandits "who need killing anyway". And this is exactly what he wants. This even shows in his reaction to Tav's response to his suggestion.

If we agree and therefore allow him to feed on our enemies ("Sounds good. Glad we could agree"), this is how he reacts:

As am I. I'm starting to feel a little peckish already. 

This itself doesn't sound all too enthusiastic, but we get his approval up, which definitely shows that he very much likes that Tav agreed. 

On the contrary, if we suggest he can feed on Tav, ignoring his will wish to feed on villains ("Look, I'm not against you feeding on me, but only if we talk about it first"), this is his reaction:

Of course! This sounds eminently reasonable. 

I shall wait patiently until you suggest we… dine together. 

Doesn't sound too bad either, eh? But we don't get his approval. He doesn't disapprove, of course, because this is still a thousand times better than what he had until then, but still not what he really wants… 

So, what does all of this mean for the initial question? 

Conclusion 

The crucial point here is what it means for Astarion to feed on Tav. The only things he remembers since Cazador turned him, are being relentlessly dominated and horrifyingly abused. The things Astarion wants the most are to be safe and to finally have control over himself again. 

He bit Tav for the sole purpose of finding out if he can be free of Cazador's rules. So why would he jump right into being dependent on Tav? He suggests to feed on villains, because then he is free of anyone's mercy. He doesn't need to rely on Tav to graciously allow him to get a drop of blood. He can do this himself now. 

This is such an important step for his character growth, to find the way to his autonomy again, so if we only allow him to feed on Tav, it instantly sets him back into old habits of bowing to his masters words - or in this case Tav's. Because it's all hes been doing for the last two centuries of his life. 

So, as much as the thought of the self-sacrificing offer to be his personal blood bag may seem romantic or whatever, it's actually the exact opposite, trapping Astarion in what he desperately tries to escape from. The restrictions that come with someone dominating him mentally and physically. And as I mentioned earlier, he doesn't believe in the goodness of people. For him every "kind" act has a price and he likes to know what he has to pay, so he wouldn't even want to just drink Tav's blood without Tav getting anything out of it. He would most certainly expect Tav one day to come around with something he doesn't want to give or do, so he wants to control such situations beforehand. 

All he wants is to make his own decisions and be free in every way possible… 

So please just let him drain some bandits, will ya? 

[bvnnichu]

𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐘 ft. sano manjiro

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬: you'd invited your boyfriend over for the first time, only for him to end up grinding against your ass in your sleep.

𝐜𝐰 ! 18+ nsfw (mdni), swearing, closeted pervert mikey, somnophilia, marking, grinding, unprotected sex, gagging, petnames, creampie, cum eating, mention of second round.

𝐚/𝐧: ik these aren't headcannons like I promised but I got too carried away 😞 hope y'guys still enjoy. first time with ran is otw so watch out for that!!

Mikey couldn't sleep. All he could think about was the way your short little skirt kept riding up your thighs when you walked, perky nipples hardened against the thin fabric of your tanktop, how your ass was on full display for him to see when you bent over to get something you dropped. Fuck, were you teasing him on purpose?

He looked over to his side where you were sleeping, looking ever so peaceful. His already hard dick throbbed at the thought of your plush thighs, only dreaming of being squeezed in between them. He gulped, scooting over closer to where you were laying. He brushed some hair out of your face, your soft plush lips only clouding his thoughts on how they'd feel around his tip.

He felt you up your torso, hand roaming your body desperately while he was leaving lustful kisses on the base of your neck. You wouldn't mind right? Especially since you were the cause of the state he's in right now. Your eyebrows were furrowed, but you had no particular signs of waking up. His hands slid down your lower back to the plush of your ass, giving it a gentle squeeze while his lips were busy marking your neck. His lips released the skin of your neck with a saliva connecting the both, hands already making quick work of your panties. He slid them down just above your knees, flipping your skirt up to give him a better view.

His dick jumped at the sight of your plush ass, his tip leaking with precum from being erect for so long. He bit back a moan, hands quickly finding and grabbing onto your ass. He gave them a few squeezes, laying down next to you to start pulling down his trousers. He pulled them down along with his boxer's, grinding himself against the soft flesh of your ass. He thanked the gods that you were still asleep, but he wouldn't mind if you woke up to his horny ass grinding against your bare ass. He pulled you up by your waist a bit further, making you arch your back and giving him the perfect angle to slide into your gummy cunt.

He rubbed his slender finger along your entrance, spreading arousal across your pussy lips. He then lined himself up with your entrance, too impatient for proper foreplay. He pushed inside your tight cunt, panting heavily with how hard you were clenching. He lifted your leg up for better access, making sliding his dick into you much easier. He bit down on your shoulder to suppress his moans, eyes going to the back of his skull from how good your pussy felt.

You stirred awake from so much movement, only to feel his dick wrecking your insides with every thrust. He was thrusting into you like a rabbit in heat, head thrown back into the pillow with his eyes shut closed. His mouth agape, occasionally letting out soft moans and grunts. His hand was on your hips, the other holding your leg up so he could reach even deeper.

"m-mikey—" your words were cut off by a loud moan you let out when you felt him hit your cervix. "fuck darlin'— couldn't h-help myself" his words were shaky from how hard he was thrusting, but despite that you could still make out what he was saying. You'd never expected this from Mikey, your sweet boyfriend who'd get flustered with the slightest of touches. Who'd been so iffy about physical touch itself. But despite that, you couldn't lie how fucking hot this was and how much it had your pussy throbbing and gushing over his hard shaft.

"'m close!" You squealed out, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten. "fuck— cum f'me, princess,"

You released all over his cock, a mixture of your arousal and his precum dripping down onto the sheets. He his freehand around your neck to reach for your mouth, shoving his fingers inside to silence your loud moans. You gagged around his fingers, fueling him to absolutely go feral. He thrusted a few more times before finishing inside of you, cum painting your insides white. He pulled out with a groan, more cum spilling onto the bedsheets below you. He removed his fingers from your mouth with a string of saliva attaching to it, making his way to your pussy to shove that same finger inside.

"gotta make sure you waste none" he said cheekily, making you roll your eyes despite your cheeks being warmed by embarrassment. You turned around, taking his fingers out of you only to put them back inside your mouth, sucking on them while staring at him with sparkly doe eyes. His eyes widened, and you felt something poking against your thigh. You removed his fingers then deadpanned at him, only causing him to flash you a cheeky grin back. God, he really can't get enough of you.

© 𝐁𝐕𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐔 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 — 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.

[lyneira]

♤♡ the first morning ♡♤

-> the morning after your first, passionate night with Malleus

malleus x fem!reader | fluff with some suggestive parts! (VERY suggestive towards the end ;))

based on this request!

but also a sequel to this post -> Nightly Visits + Your First Time with Malleus

I just know he'd be the first one to wake up, wanting to take the time to savor your sleeping expression. He'd fawn over you, admiring your figure as the rising sun begins to shed its warm rays onto your skin. He'd then smile since it would be reminiscent of how you enveloped each other in warmth the night prior, embracing one another closely as you two made love.

Honestly, he might not even have gotten much sleep at all. He'd have spent the rest of the night caressing you gently, trying to lull you to sleep, ever so softly humming a lovely tune so that you might have good dreams

On the other hand, he wouldn't have needed to sleep to have good dreams. He was already experiencing them, especially after that magical night you two became one, he would be replaying all of those events in his mind over and over again.

But as the sun was rising, he knew that it would soon be time to get up and start the day. Though, he really wouldn't want to at all. He'd wish he could stop time and lay in bed here with you forever because as long as he had you, he no longer felt so alone. He didn't need anyone else. You are his safe place. You are his home.

With that notion, he'd become so protective of you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he'll hug you and curl himself up around your body, like a dragon protecting his treasure (which is you).

He would feel so happy and safe at that moment, knowing you two were together, so intimate, so close. It was a joy he'd never felt before, and he'd hope that he could feel this way with you every morning. He'd nuzzle his face into your neck at the thought.

All of this, in turn, would wake you up, suddenly feeling so much physical contact over your body. Noticing you had awakened, Malleus' eyes would soften with tenderness as you faced him, and they met with yours.

"Good morning, my love," he'd whisper with a sweet smile. "How are you feeling?" he'd ask, bringing his hand down to rub circles on your hip. He remembers how intensely he had given all his love to you the night before and hopes that it didn't cause too much of a consequence this morning.

After greeting him back and reassuring him that everything was okay, though your hips really would feel a little sore, he'd sigh with relief. "I'm glad. Forgive me if I was too rough," he'd cup your cheek with his other hand and gently press his lips onto yours. "I simply couldn't... hold myself back", he breathed out with a slight, sultry tone as he recalled the night once again.

Indeed, he couldn't. It had been the first night you two had gotten to one of the highest levels of intimacy, that he couldn't resist giving the entirety of himself in those moments.

And how could he not? Especially with the way you looked at him so lovingly, held him so closely, squeezed him so tightly, and called out for him numerous times that night, it was only right that he reciprocated your fervor and the intense love you were giving. It was the same way he felt for you, after all.

Just thinking of it was making him feel much hotter than he already was, and you'd feel the peak of that warmth pressing up against you.

This would earn a small blush from him but a big smile from you, as you would ask him if he'd like for you to take care of it.

And so you two would go on to take care of each other that morning, the first of many mornings such as this ;)

a/n: it feels good to write again! Maybe I'll make an explicit smutty part two of this 👀 y'all lmk in the comments if you guys would like that :> i just love writing for this precious guy 🥺

© 2023 lyneira. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, OR REPOST MY WRITING ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS

[spngi]

My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader

Part 1

Prologue

summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings

warnings: Grammar mistakes, citation of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating, angst

There's a warm breeze in the room, crossing through the space from the windows that remained open overnight, the scent of Spanish summer mixing with Carlos' aroma in the room. Carlos' arms surround me in bed, and I can't help but wake up to the kisses he spreads across my back.

"Good morning, darling," I murmur still drowsy to Carlos, turning to face him. He looks handsome in the morning, tousled hair, a silly smile on his face, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Good morning, cariño," he replies, pulling me closer into his embrace, making me laugh; his hand is gentle as it touches my face in a light caress.

"That smile of yours makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world," Carlos says, and even after all this time together, he still makes me blush with affection.

"I'm the lucky one to have you, Carlos," I lightly kiss his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he responds.

Everything feels empty, the house filled with love and happiness now seems like a mausoleum, the hallways echoing even with people still in them, my head on the verge of collapsing along with my entire body. I feel broken, still alone, a million beautiful memories dancing in my head and wasted by the end.

Divorce. Just thinking of that word makes me nauseous. Five beautiful years shared reduced to a single piece of paper. I couldn't and wouldn't let that happen, no matter what Carlos tried; I wouldn't give that to him. Of all the long list of concessions I made to him, divorce wouldn't be added to it.

I can't go back to my room, I can't stay here without feeling the urge to go back to him, to plead and shake him until he comes to his senses, until he loves me again.

I return to the back of the house where Carlos had set aside a place for me to paint and have a moment of peace; there are many paintings hanging in that room, various phases of my life, our life. That studio was my safe haven. I close my eyes and try to breathe, pour myself a drink and put on an Etta James record.

It's when I finally look at the blank canvas in front of me, waiting to be filled, that I feel the tears rolling down, like a dam that has reached its limit.

"Y/n?" I hear Charles' voice calling me after a long time, catching me off guard. I try to quickly wipe the tears from my face, knowing it will be in vain.

"Hi," I turn to him, my voice trembling, and Charles tries not to stare at my state.

Charles is one of Carlos' right-hand men, helping him with business and also his security.

"Carlos asked me to deliver this to you," he places the same envelope from earlier on the table, and more tears roll down my eyes. He looks at me again, and I hate to seem so fragile in this moment.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, and I can't find the strength to respond; I just nod my head and hope he leaves. Although Leclerc was a great listener and a friend in his spare time, I didn't want to talk, to tell him what was going on. It would make the whole situation too real at this moment, so I just wait for him to leave so I can break down again.

I never opened the envelope; I didn't want to see what was inside, didn't want to know what I was worth in Carlos' eyes, didn't even want to negotiate how much our life together was worth. The papers went straight to the back of my closet, hidden from the world and from my eyes.

Carlos didn't sleep at home that night, even the next, and even the next four days. It was as if he was punishing me with his absence for not accepting the separation, as if leaving me wandering alone around the house would change my mind about it. The big house kept running, with staff and security guards wandering around. But Carlos didn't bother to come back home, or to take care of his own business, sending Charles back and forth all the time to pick up his papers and important things. And it's when I finally tire of this game that I decide to corner Charles.

He looks startled when he enters my husband's office and sees me there, sitting in Carlos' chair, with my Manolo Blahnik heels propped up on the table.

"Oh, Y/n... good morning, didn't expect to see you here," Leclerc sighs, and I give him a slight smile. "I came to get some things for Carlos and I'll leave you alone again."

"Actually, Charles..." I stand up and then firmly place my hands on the stack of documents he came to fetch. "The documents are staying; tell him to come get them personally."

"Y/n... Mrs. Sainz, I've been instructed to do just that," Charles replies. It hurts me to do this with him, the man had nothing to do with our marital problems but it was the only method of passing the message to Carlos.

"Don't think I'm trying to disrupt your life, Charles. Just pass on the message to him; I want him to come back home soon. He can't keep hiding in that tiny apartment forever." I lean on the table and watch his reaction as he realizes what I've said.

"Do you know where he is?" he asks me curiously.

"I found out the moment you left here on the first day," I smile cynically at Charles, "and I wouldn't want to have to go there to pay him a visit. I believe Carlos wouldn't like that either, as it would disturb the peace of the apartment's owner."

Charles still seemed surprised by the information I had. The truth was I couldn't keep dragging myself around the house in eternal sadness, wondering where my husband was. So, I took the opportunity to send my bodyguard after Charles. Lando was still young, but he was efficient and smart; he had been by my side since I moved into this house and Carlos decided it would be good for me to have some protection. As Lando was young, maybe it would be easier for me to get used to him, and it really was; we became good friends over time. Once he found out Carlos' address, it was easy to find out whose apartment it was and who the girl was.

Martina. That name sounded bitter in my head.

"I'll be keeping this for him for now, and it was good to see you, Charles," I smile, dismissing him.

I smile as I watch him leave, feeling at least somewhat victorious today. I look at his office again, pick up the picture frame I found stored earlier in the drawer, and place it on Carlos' desk again. The image makes me smile nostalgically; the photo of our wedding fills me with a bit of hope, the happiness in our eyes, love radiating from the photo. Maybe I could make everything go back to normal.

When I get up the next day, I'm not surprised to see Carlos at the table having coffee. That was good; he had come and was at home after all. He looks at me through his coffee cup, his eyes expressing no emotion, but it's comforting to have him there, sitting in our living room having coffee.

"It's good to see you," I greet him and sit next to him at the table.

"I wish I could say the same," he says, placing the cup on the table, "but you know I hate being pressured."

"I gave you five days, dear. Believe me, I was patient and kind," I fidget nervously with the ring on my finger. "Listen, we need to talk, open up to each other... Being alone in these last few days was horrible; this huge house where..."

Carlos doesn't let me finish speaking. He smiles, that kind of evil smile he gives when he's plotting something, the same evil smile I've seen so many times directed at someone else.

"I'm glad you mentioned that," he interrupts. "You were right about saying that apartment was tiny. And as you yourself said, this house is huge, so I believe you won't mind me bringing one more guest," he speaks naturally, as if he hadn't done something horrible, as if it wasn't enough to have tainted our marriage, he had to taint our home now, as if he wanted me to hate him more each day.

"You wouldn't do that," I reply shocked.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" he asks, pointing to the large door leading to the garden and the pool of the house, the smile never leaving his lips.

[meet-you-at-the-north-star]

Let Me In

Eric Northman x human! Reader

Summary: inspired by scenes from ep. 3x02 & 3x03 as well as a couple other plot points in the show (but plot is quite vague anyway)

Word count: 1517

“You’re going to invite me in” he stated, slowly, in that gentle purr his voice always sounded to my ears.

I took a step back, partially to hide the jolt that went through my body at those words. “And why would I do that?”

I wondered if he could sense the change in pace of my palpitations. They were yet to invent a way to disguise that from a vampire's super hearing.

“So I can protect you” He took a step forward. Then another, equally measured. “Or have passionate primal sex with you”.

When my hands touched the wood of the door behind me he stopped, slightly tilting his head: “Possibly both”

I gulped. I didn’t even realize that I had been backing away.

“You’re not gonna distract me by talking nasty” I said, perfectly aware that I was the one trying to distract him from the effect he was having on me.

He smirked, leaning down and invading even more of my personal space. “I already have”.

“So…are you going to invite me in?”

“That’s not how it works” I scolded him, a warning look on my face.

“Pity” He leaned back. “As soon as you let me know what the rules are, I’ll be more than happy to play along”

I stared at him for a moment, different streams of thoughts racing through my brain. “Do you really think something might happen to me tonight?”

“There’s a good chance it might. Tonight, the night after that, it doesn’t make much of a difference. I’d rather be safe than sorry” He cut short.

“Alright. I am going to invite you in…” I began, placing my hand on his chest to stop him from taking another step forward. “If you promise not to cross this threshold and to leave me alone the minute I do.”

“Well, that’s no fun”

“Eric.”

He nodded. “I promise. If that’s what you want”

“It is” I lied, but he didn’t need to know that. “You will be able to sense it if I’m in some kind of trouble, right?”

“Correct.”

“Good. Then you’re officially invited to come inside, Eric Northman…if I should need your help” I specified in an eloquent tone.

“Thank you.” His hand reached out to move a strand of hair behind my ear, with a tenderness that was as unexpected as disarming coming from someone like him.

I struggled to fight back the instinct to immediately take back everything I had just said, but I couldn't help but at least smile at him.

He smiled back at me and pulled his hand away. “Goodnight, Y/N”


A moment later he had literally vanished into thin air.

I closed the door behind me with a sigh, my heart now beating wildly. Sleeping was going to be no easy feat after all that.

I tried to prepare myself calmly, retracing all the steps of my usual nighttime routine in order to banish any kind of thoughts from my mind, both the positive and the negative.

When I finally got into bed, however, it was impossible to avoid those piercing blue eyes and features so beautiful they didn't seem real, which had so often populated my recent dreams.

Even though he had cheated by giving me his blood, a part of me couldn't help but think I would have dreamed of him regardless. After all, my daydreams were much the same way.

Eric’s eyes were my last conscious thought, then only darkness. And the sound of steps. Some kind of creature was approaching me. I could hear its menacing growl clearly now. I started running as fast as I could, but it seemed like the noise was only getting louder and more frightening. I turned a dark corner and my heart dropped realizing there was no way out of it. It was a dead-end. Then all of a sudden the floor opened up under my feet and I fell into an endless dark pit.

I let out a scream so loud I must have woken myself up. I felt cold arms holding me and instinctively fought to free myself from their grip, still screaming. Did the creature that was following me finally catch me?

“Hey” Two hands were cradling my face in an instant, gently. “it’s okay, it’s me, you’re alright”

I blinked once, twice and finally the fog clouding my brain started to dissipate as I found myself back in my room, staring into those blue eyes again. But this time I was only not seeing them with my mind. Usually impenetrable, they now betrayed concern as they studied my expression intently.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to utter in the end.

He looked a little uncomfortable, as if he was afraid I might be mad at him. “I sensed your fear”

It finally hit me: the chase, the panic I felt, it was all a dream. But he couldn’t tell the difference and thought I was actually in danger. I felt a blush quickly rising to color my cheeks and I rested my head against his chest to hide my embarrassment. “Oh my god, it was a stupid nightmare”

His arms slid up and down my back, holding me close in a protective grip. “It’s definitely quite a relief”

“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here for that”

“I’m not” he said, a half-smirk curving his lips.

“Eric” I leaned back and looked up at his face, trying to recover some sense of distance between us, but we were too close this time. And there was no invisible magical barrier I could cross.

He understood what I needed, slightly loosening the grip of his arms to allow me freedom of movement, but his eyes remained locked in mine. “Do you want me to go?”

I opened my mouth to respond but not a word came out. I ran a hand through my hair nervously, eyes darting everywhere until his hand came up to gently cup my chin, forcing me to bring my attention back to him.

My eyes dropped to his lips. They looked even redder in contrast to his unnaturally pale skin.

He didn’t move, waiting, while my brain performed somersaults to find any valid excuse why I shouldn’t let this happen.

It couldn’t.

I had about half a second to be surprised at my own impetuousness as I crashed my lips against his, then my mind went blank.

My hands quickly travelled up his neck and tangled in his hair, pulling him to me as our mouths explored each other, greedy and eager.

I felt the blood rushing through my veins and speeding up my heartbeat until it was a loud pounding in my ears. I should have been frightened by how vulnerable that probably made me in his presence, but I wasn’t.

I wasn’t afraid of him or this in the slightest, everything about it felt too right. The feeling of his arms surrounding me again in secure hold, his hands gripping my shoulders and then cradling my face, his lips hungry, relentlessly pressing on mine in a silent request for access.

My mouth parted with a sigh, allowing his tongue to slip inside, deepening the kiss. Our bodies were flush against one another and in the blink of an eye he’d pulled me onto his lap and my hands moved to his shoulders to regain my balance, lips still locked together in a restless dance.

“Hey!” I jokingly protested, finally parting for air after what felt like a two-hour apnea. “Some of us here still need to breathe”

“Mmm, you know that’s something I can easily remedy” He grinned, lips teasingly trailing up my neck and leaving nothing but small kisses behind.

“Don’t even think about that”

“What a shame” His eyes found mine again, thumb lightly stroking my cheek. “You’d make a stunning vampire”

I simply smiled at that, leaning down to capture his lips again. The kiss was slower this time, less frantic; but languid, our lips slowly taking their time to savor each other.

I felt him grin into the kiss as my hands moved in the small space between our bodies and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait a minute” I abruptly stopped and shot him a worried look. “You can’t stay here”

He raised both eyebrows in disbelief. “You cannot be serious right now”

“No, I mean…what about the sun?”

He burst into a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Good thing you people have invented blinds”

“True, guess humans aren’t all that bad, uh? ” I smirked.

“They have their moments” He conceded, looking at me.“But you do realize” he began, tone dropping suggestively, “that means I’m going to be stuck in this room for the entire day, right?”

I bit my bottom lip and shamelessly let my eyes wander over his messy hair and the half-unbottoned shirt on his chest, drinking it all in: he was one to talk about “stunning”. Then I brought my lips close to his ear: “I’m sure I can think of a way to keep you occupied”

[st4vk1nmybra1n]

moonstruck mornings !¡

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader.

warnings: none besides explicit language and jokes, suggestive near the end!

wc: 1.4k

early mornings with gojo satoru were never easy. for a number of reasons, of course.

the first of which was well– his size. standing at a proud 6’5”, with a heavily muscled build. easily towering over you in every situation imaginable.

secondly, his clinginess. not that you minded, but your husband tended to rather enjoy squishing his face into your chest (regardless of the size) and sleeping on top of you. either that, or having you caged in his arms. his large, veiny and strong arms.

you put those two together and you have a nightmarish scenario during the mornings. you couldn't really move around with your hunk of a husband on top, nor could you push him off without him either not moving at all, or tightening his hold on you and absolutely refusing to let go. and today, not only did you have the annoying urge to pee, but you both had work.

“satoru, i know you're awake,” you mumble sleepily, running a hand through his soft hair. he grumbles in response, nuzzling his face even deeper into your stomach, having shifted from his place nestled deep into your chest.

“we've got work. and i need to pee!” you complain, hands moving down to rub at his bare back.

“you're doin’ it on purpose,” he murmured, his morning voice deep and raspy. “you always say that and start using those hands of yours to keep me in bed.”

you gape in response, slapping his shoulder. he lets out a yelp, then follows up with a childish whine. “ouch, baby!” he cries out dramatically, moving up to bury his face into your neck.

“we have work, ‘toru. we're gonna be late. and we'll be even later if you don't get up because i will pee myself and make you clean it up.” you threaten, to no avail of course.

“I'll slurp it up gladly.” he grins, hissing when you land another slap to his back. he pouts, leaning his weight on his arms on either side of your head, as he moves his face directly in front of you.

“hi there.” he greets with a cheeky smile, leaning down to brush his lips against the corner of your mouth. sleepily, he notes just how beautiful you look in the morning light. the navy blue sheets making your sunkissed frame look heavenly in his eyes.

but you always look beautiful to him. even without his blindfold and glasses, he thinks he could probably stare at you and note down each and every detail of you and engrave it into his brain. amidst all the chaos of the world that brings a migraine to his heightened senses, you managed to soothe his eyes like a fabric of silk, shielding his eyes from the sight of anything and everything else.

he'd known you ever since you both started at Jujutsu tech, to which he asked you out within a year or so of knowing you. which lead to you both raising megumi and tsumiki, and later to him proposing to you and you both getting married! he hasn't regretted a single moment with you, not after seeing how you took care of megumi even despite how cold the boy could be, and how you recognised he was still a child. he liked the fact that you were good with kids. maybe he'd give you some of your own.

“satoru?” you called out for the nth time, giving his nose a kiss. belatedly, he realized you'd been calling out to him. huh. he got lost in thought.

“yeah, sweetheart?” he cooed, glancing up at you through his frosty lashes. you huffed in response, rolling your eyes lightheartedly as you cupped his face between your hands, thumb tracing the sharp contours of his visage.

“you blanked out on me for a few seconds there. you looked stupid.” you teased, to which he gasped in offense. him? stupid? not even in his dreams.

“you're stupid,” he stuck his tongue out childishly, watching as you raised a brow.

“am i now?” you challenged, giving him an unimpressed look. he blinks, meeting your gaze. you stare back, unblinking. you both maintain that position, starting an unspoken staring contest. he glances down at your lips for the briefest second, then looks back up. he blinks. with a groan, he sighs and pouts.

“no, ma'am. I'm a liar. a loser, even.” he mumbles dramatically, angling his head down.

“poor baby,” you coo mockingly, leaning up to peck his lips. he hums, leaning down to recapture your lips in a kiss.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles against your lips, pulling away to press kisses to your cheeks, nuzzling his face into the skin.

“i love you too,” you replied with a smile. “i guess..” you added, yelping as he bit into your cheek.

he let out a huff, burying his face into your chest, inhaling deeply. you both relaxed into the bed, taking in the silence. wordlessly, your fingers carded into his hair, caressing his scalp and scratching it. he almost lets out a moan from how good it felt. if he were a cat, he'd probably be purring by now, or at least that's what he thinks.

you both bask in the comforting atmosphere, giving you a moment to admire his frame. you watched as your wedding band glinted, reflecting the morning sun rays as your fingers threaded through angelic white locks. truly a sight to behold.

underneath the mop of hair, you could faintly see some of his features, as one half of his face was buried into your chest. long, white lashes cover up the beautiful sight of his gorgeous blue eyes, the contours of his under eyes hollowed out just the right amount to not induce worry from your end. his cheekbones, as high and sharp as ever, were currently donning a light flush, highlighted by the sun landing against his face.

and oh, his lips. naturally plump and full of life, but even more full as he'd woken up from his slumber, the deep color of them standing out against his pale skin. your eyes trailed easily, landing on his back. untouched. milky, pale skin, filled with dips and curves from his muscles. the only marks donning the skin on his back were from your nails. oops.

“baby?” satoru spoke aloud, interrupting the peaceful silence.

“yes, honey?” you answered, brushing his bangs back from his face. he gave you a toothy grin, eyes closing as he tilted his head up to look at you.

“I'm hard.” he stated sweetly, watching your face shift into a deadpan. “please! it'll be quick. i just need like 3– actually that's too less– i just need 15 minutes! for proper indulgence!” he pleads, fluttering his lashes at you. your lips twitch, mouth opening to start up your familiar complaints to him about his ‘raging morning wood’ until you pause, blinking. you glance towards the clock, then back at him.

“satoru.” the tone of your voice makes him straighten up a little. “if you don't get up right now.” is all you say, and suddenly, he's stood up, carrying you in his arms towards the bathroom.

another reason early mornings with your husband aren't easy is because– well– he’s hard to resist. it's easy to get lost into him, even when he's not doing it on purpose. but you wouldn't have it any other way, you think as you're finally set down on the toilet to tend to your business. you watch as satoru starts up the shower for you both, sticking his hand into the water to make sure the temperature was just right for you.

he nods in approval, beginning to shed himself of his clothes. “oh, and i forgot to mention but nanami said he'll bring in breakfast for us today. which gives us an extra 30 minutes to spare.” he smiles innocently, giving you a cheeky glance. already, you knew where this was headed.

with a sigh, you shake your head. unsurprising. when your husband wants something from you, he gets it. and what kind of wife would you be if you didn't indulge him? you wouldn't say it of course, but you quite liked your intimate moments with satoru. not like you'd need to tell him either, he saw right through you. after all, your husband is the greatest of them all, right?

[uriwoos2]

gentle with me ☼ ִֶָ · (lsh)

pairing: bf!riwoo x gn!reader. genre: fluff, hurt/comfort. overview: soft, gentle bf riwoo <3 who comforts you, when ur feeling down. word count: 1.8k warnings: the reader is dealing with some unpleasant thoughts. they both have unusual nicknames for each other. idk it's cute, ok? ♡ note: got the urge to write this boyfie riwoo fic, cuz he's quite literally my biggest source of comfort. he's just so lovely <3 this ended up longer than I intended, but.. anyway. hope you enjoy. likes & reblogs are very appreciated! — with love, cream <3

♪₊˚song: touch tank — quinnie.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

you're sat at the kitchen counter, cheek resting heavily on your palm as you pick at the remainder of the pancakes on your plate, having lost your appetite.

i don't feel so good.

before this you were doing just fine, what could have triggered such an unpleasant surge of feelings, that you can't even give a name to?..

you and riwoo had an early breakfast this morning, both of you waking up at an ungodly hour. it was uncharacteristic even for him, who tends to get up before you on most days. he tells you he doesn't mind it, even if he has to be alone for a bit, because he gets to wake up next to you every morning.

sometimes, he remains next to you in bed, admiring your sunlit features in secret with a smile on his face. but more often than not, he opts for an early start to his day. you have no idea where he gets all the energy from but thanks to that, he can get some chores done. his reasoning for this being, that if everything's already taken care of by the time you've opened your eyes, you can focus solely on him.

he's so sweet.. so so sweet, just for me.

today you actually arose from your slumber first, after a restless night. something just wasn't right, you could feel it since the evening before, but you couldn't really put a finger on what was bothering you. your rustling made riwoo shift in his sleep too, as you gently removed his arm from where it was resting on your belly. always such a light sleeper, his eyelids fluttered open at your slightest movements and this time was no different.

"baby?" he croaked out, sitting up while rubbing his eyes, "what's going on? are you okay?" his hand instinctively finding it's way back to yours, "did you have a bad dream, sunbeam?" he put your intertwined hands in his lap, his thumb stroking the back of your hand, soothing.

you couldn't think of a way to relay what you felt to him, because you yourself had no idea, and no matter how accepting his gaze was at the moment, you chose to not worry him for no good reason.

"it's nothing, don't worry. I just couldn't sleep much, but I'm good." he squinted at you, not taking your word for it. "riuriu, I swear I'm alright." you go to pinch his cheek lightly, your heart swelling at his thoughtfulness. "but I don't think I can go back to sleep, you wanna go make some breakfast? I'll help this time." you offered with a smile.

he chuckled adorably, nodding his head, eager to spend more time with you. "okay, okay, but tell me if there's something wrong, okay?" you just nodded at that, wanting desperately to change the subject.

yeah! I just need to keep myself occupied, that's it. no need to make a big deal out of this.

you got up to follow your boyfriend into the kitchen, determined to distract yourself by helping him make some food, hoping it would clear your head.

cooking with riwoo is always so much fun, and the food comes out super delicious, too. and another bonus, is that both of you tend to become especially affectionate when you're in the kitchen together, something about the atmosphere there being so intimate and homely. as if you won't be able to breathe if you're not latched onto his arm while he's at the stove, or if he hasn't got his head on your shoulder hugging you from behind while you stand in front of the fridge, picking out the ingredients. doing such simple every day things together means everything to you, these moments being your favorite, because you can relish in the uncomplicated warmth they carry.

the breakfast came out perfect, and you told riwoo as such, at which he just blushed, and said it was your stirring and pouring that made all the difference. he gets really shy and smiley at your compliments, which you find to be the most endearing sight ever.

everything was seemingly going well, until you ended up on your own at the table. riwoo had finished his food, and got up to clean the mess you made while cooking, and even if he was still in the room, that uneasy feeling returned once again. it came in waves woven with anxiety and discomfort, slowly increasing in size and submerging your mind deeper and deeper, with each rise and fall of the tide.

what's wrong with me today?

you couldn't tell what was causing this flood of unpleasant emotions, as there was nothing out of the ordinary. if the environment is unchanged, that means it must be coming from within.

is something bothering me? but I don't know what it is! how can something bother me without me knowing what it is?..

"hey, baby.. I don't think I can finish this." you decide to inform your boyfriend, who was right across the kitchen, now washing the dishes. but you didn't expect your voice to come out so small, making it impossible for him to decipher your words over the loud stream of water.

he looks at you over his shoulder, "what was that, love?" then turns off the tap, to face you completely, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" he says, with the small encouraging smile of his that he always sends your way, no matter the situation.

"I..." you trail off, unable to form your thoughts into an intelligible sentence, eyes lowering. riwoo seems to sense your distress somehow, which cements his suspicions about your mood ever since you got up this morning.

he picks up a towel to dry his hands with, as he's walking over to you, and then sits back down in his chair opposite of you. "hey, what is it?" he reaches over to touch your fingers with his own. "are you not feeling well, love?" his words are laced with such intense concern, that you feel guilty for letting your feelings show.

"i.. i- don't know. I'm just.. ugh. I'm sorry bug, I don't even know how to say it. my brain just shut down on me." you sigh, a lump forming in your throat, making it hard to keep your voice level, "I actually have no idea what's wrong with me either, or if I'm like.. I don't know, making it up."

riwoo's brows furrow in displeasure, instantly rushing to validate your feelings, "don't say that, of course you're not making it up!" his features settle into that gentle smile of his once again, "if you're not okay, then you're not okay, it's simple."

you nod at his words, "I know that, i do. but I don't even know what I'm sad about, I just think I couldn't get enough rest last night, and it's messing with my head." you shake your head absentmindedly, rubbing at your eyes.

riwoo is silent for a bit, and then, taking your entire hand in his, he says, "alright, maybe. but you know you don't have to give everything a reason, right? you can just feel sad sometimes, with seemingly no reason at all. that's completely alright, love." the corner of his mouth upturned slightly, in hopes of comforting you.

and he is, comforting, that is. everything about him is. just being quiet in his presence is a comfort of its own. he is so considerate and so so sensitive. you're eternally grateful for him, and his love, his attention, his affection. but right now it just seems like you've blanked completely. suddenly feeling strangely tired, you find it impossible to relay all this to your sweet lover, who's waiting. being just so patient with you. your heart tightens. my beautiful love.

when he doesn't receive a verbal response from you, he simply reaches out to brush strands of hair from your forehead, a smile never leaving his features, "wanna go lay back down, sunbeam?" it's apparent to him that you're in no shape to tend to yourself, and you don't need to worry, because he will take care of you. he seems to know when you need it, he always just knows. "we don't need to dwell on this. let's just rest for a bit, mhm?"

you want nothing more than to be in his arms now, these weird feelings weighing too heavy on your heart. "yeah, okay." you look down at your unfinished breakfast, as he's picking up the plate to put it away, feeling bad. "love?.. sorry about the pancakes, I just can't stomach anything right now."

"don't worry about that silly, you can eat as much as you want." reassuring you with a smile, "I'll make it for you again, once your appetite has come back." he takes you by the hand, leading the way, "c'mon, love." you follow him sluggishly.

he helps you lie down comfortably, and after getting in right beside you, he glues his body to your side. just how i love it.

you turn, almost instinctively, sinking into his arms, your head finding it's way onto his chest. you're thankful he isn't trying to figure out the root of the problem, because you can barely take even thinking about it right now. you're glad he knows exactly what you need. sighing, content, and grateful to your boyfriend, you feel overwhelmed, a surge of various emotions overcoming you. he's just so perfect. he is so kind to me. my love.

you didn't even notice you were crying, until riwoo placed a soft kiss on the crown of your head, hands rubbing soothing circles on your back, whispering a soft "it's okay." pulling you even closer, hugging you even tighter. "I'm here, sunbeam." another kiss, "it's okay." he buries his head into your hair, arms secured and unmoving. he wants you to feel safe, he wants to protect you, but feels really helpless in moments like these. so the only thing he can do is give you warmth and comfort of his body.

you don't stop crying for a while, but once it subsides and turns into occasional sobs, you're so exhausted, that you think you can pass out. your head is pounding and your eyes are swollen, and.. it's so warm, my baby's so warm. it feels very nice, so so nice. I think I can just fall asleep like this. yeah...

so you do. your boyfriend, upon noticing your evened out breaths, sighs in relief and shuts his own eyes, laying his lips on your hair in a tender kiss, one more time. riwoo isn't planning on letting go of you anytime soon, for as long as you need, he'll let you borrow his chest as a pillow, and his arms for warmth.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 66

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 6k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Wednesday, March 3; 5:30 AM - Ona and Alexia's room.

I was sleeping peacefully until I felt my blanket lift, letting a draft hit my chilly body. Naturally, I couldn't help but be scared, being the little scaredy-cat that I am, but I was quickly greeted by a warm breath.

"Shhht. It's just me."

A smile spread across my lips, even though I was still in a fog. Lucy slipped under my blanket, and I took the opportunity to turn around and bury my face in her chest. I could feel her smile as she kissed my forehead, holding me tight. Her body was freezing, but it was already starting to warm up against mine.

"Happy one month, my love," I mumbled against her chest, which hummed with satisfaction.

"Happy one month," she whispered back.

I sighed in contentment, not daring to move or let go. I was afraid it was just a dream, but I kept touching her, and she was still here. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, but I didn't mind. I was perfectly comfortable next to her. I had missed her arms. After all, we always get used to the good things too quickly.

"I knew you'd plan something," I whispered. "It's not fair. I don't have the same advantages as you."

She chuckled, making her chest vibrate again beneath me. It was a pleasant surprise. I hadn't thought about it at all. Starting my day in her arms would give me a lot of motivation and good cheer.

"Hey, just so you know," came my roommate's deep voice. "I'll allow the cuddling next to me this time because it's your one-month anniversary, but please, keep it quiet."

We laughed as I heard her turn over in her bed. Lucy calmed me by sliding her hand under my T-shirt. It felt good to feel her. I liked it when she touched my skin.

"Did you hear, baby?" she teased me.

I smiled and nodded, pressing myself closer to her. I took a deep breath to take in her scent. I was happy she was here, in my bed. I'd have her scent on my sheets now. It would help me sleep better, even though it would be both a joy and a torture in the nights to come. I lifted my head and kissed her hard. It was another sweet torture that I intended to enjoy on this lovely morning. It was hard not to fully enjoy what was mine when I saw her every day. We continued like that for the half-hour we had left. Our time was cut short by the shrill alarm echoing down the hall. Lucy sighed, and I could see the disappointment on her face that it was already over. Still, she didn't move. Alexia had time to open the blinds, letting the daylight flood the room, momentarily blinding us.

"If you're not getting up, does that mean we have time to get ready?" Ale asked.

"Definitely not," she teased. "Come on, get up, beautiful."

"Just a little longer," I mumbled.

Alexia laughed as she went into the bathroom. As soon as she left, I resumed kissing Lucy, but she giggled and gently pushed me away. She kissed my forehead and got out of bed. I hadn't noticed because of the darkness, but she was already wearing her T-shirt for the day. I watched her as she pulled on her pants and jacket before Ale returned. I would have liked to get dressed too, but my clothes were in the bathroom.

"Thanks for the wake-up call. It was nice."

"My pleasure," she smiled. "But I'm serious. Go get ready," she said as Ale returned.

"I'm going, I'm going."

I dragged myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. I hurried as much as I could, knowing I still had to make my bed. When I was done, I wanted to tackle that, but I noticed it had already been made.

"Thanks," I said to Lucy.

I gave her a quick kiss on the lips to emphasize my gratitude. I then rushed to my closet to give her my drawing. It wasn’t much, but I didn’t want to be empty-handed. It was a self-portrait of her from behind, with her hair to the side. I highlighted the tattoo on her neck and her profile. I could see Lucy's eyes light up, and nothing made me happier.

"I didn’t expect us to be giving gifts..."

"I didn’t want to come empty-handed. The rest will come this weekend, of course."

"Oh, really?"

"Don’t think you're getting away without celebrating properly," I teased her.

"Oh no, no," she laughed. "I remember you’re in charge of the evening," she said with a mischievous smile. "I’m expecting a lot if you’re the one running the show."

I laughed softly and playfully hit her shoulder. She’s challenging me! I really hope she’ll like what I’ve planned.

"Alright, off you go. See you tonight."

"Have a great day."

I kissed her one last time before joining Ale, who was waiting for me at the door. Poor thing, I always made her wait. She didn’t seem to mind. As soon as we stepped into the hallway, she put her arm around my shoulders.

"So, my friend. Looks like you're starting the day off well."

"I couldn’t have dreamed of a better start," I admitted. "Not everyone would do that."

"That’s true," she giggled. "Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Since you haven’t brought it up again, I was wondering how the discussion about the gallery offer ended."

"Oh, yeah. I didn’t mention it again, sorry."

"Did everything get sorted out? You have no idea how upset Jenni was about it."

"She didn’t have to be. It’s something that concerns only us anyway."

"That’s true, but she’s very protective of Lucy," she sighed. "So, what’s the decision?"

"For now, we’re waiting for the interview with Mr. Fields next week. I tried to schedule it for Friday afternoon to avoid needing permissions and all that, but he wasn’t available."

"Did you manage to find a time slot anyway?"

"Yes, yes. Monday, in two weeks. But we decided not to wait. Lucy found other galleries for me to apply to. Beth is checking their relevance before I send my applications."

"That’s right, I heard beth has a lot of friends in that field. She’s passionate about art thanks to her mother. Jenni and Beth are really close friends »

"Really? No, I didn’t know that."

"Well, now you do," she laughed. "And what if the guy doesn’t give up?"

"Lucy thinks that if I make it clear I don’t want to leave, he won’t chase me," I explained, shrugging.

"She’s probably right," she agreed.

"I know," I sighed. "But I can’t afford to accept. I don’t see myself leaving. I feel good here. She understands that I don’t want to be away from her, so it’s fine."

"Do you know why she reacted that way?"

"She was afraid I’d regret choosing her over a good opportunity, you know. I made it clear that wouldn’t happen."

"It’s a bit absurd, isn’t it?"

"You know, I think Lucy has never missed a single opportunity for her professional career. Look at where she is now… It might be absurd to us, but not to her."

"I see... Well, it’s perfect if everything’s settled."

Ale has such a big heart. I love her for that. We walked through the dorm doors to reach the outside.

"Hey, girls," Patri called out to us. "You’re a little late this morning, aren’t you? 

We are greeted by all our friends gathered near the entrance. Even Alba and her girlfriend were there. Misa has been surprising me by hanging out with us more often since they started showing up together. In just three days, she’s been with us constantly, much to Ale's dismay. I could tell Ale wasn't thrilled with the situation. I found it a bit difficult too. I wasn't talking to Alba as much as I did before the holidays. For a while, I had the impression her girlfriend held a grudge against me. That seemed to fade once she found out I was dating someone. It was clear she didn't like my relationship with her girlfriend, and the last thing I wanted was to reignite any tension. Why does everyone always see me as a threat? It’s not like I’m trying to go after everyone, quite the opposite!

“Sorry, we were hanging out in the hallway,” my roommate defends us.

“Good thing it wasn’t Bronze who kept you back,” someone jokes.

A slight irritation creeps up inside me. Ever since I started dating her, I’ve had less patience for comments like that. There’s no one sweeter than Lucy on this earth. It’s crazy that she’s gotten such a reputation around here.

“You all seriously need to stop making her out to be a monster. I’ve already told you she’s not nearly as bad as you think.”

“Okay, I think we’ll take that as our cue to leave,” Ale says, grabbing my shoulders and steering me toward the cafeteria. I immediately regret my outburst as I catch the others’ glances. I hadn’t meant to let my words get the best of me. I need to calm down.

“Let it go,” Alexia murmurs. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

I take a long breath and exhale slowly. Checking to make sure we’ve put some distance between us, I say, “But seriously, it’s so frustrating! You know her now too. You know she’s not as cruel as everyone says.”

“I know, but relax. Now’s not the time to show everyone how much she means to you. You’ve already got Leah and Alessia watching your every move; I think that’s enough, don’t you?”

I growl in frustration. Ale keeps going, as if to drive her point home.

“We’re almost done with the school year, and besides, Lucy chose this reputation for herself. There’s nothing you can do to change it.”

“She only did that to protect herself,” I sigh. “I hate it, you have no idea.”

“Just a few more weeks in this environment, and then it’ll all be over. You’ll be fine.”

I nod reluctantly. She’s right—it would be foolish to ruin everything now, but it’s tough.

“And what about you? How are things with Alba?” I ask, shifting the conversation.

I had noticed that things weren’t perfect. Like me, Ale had been keeping her distance. I know they’re together in class, so I don’t see everything.

“Not great. I think Alba expects me to reveal who my girlfriend is ever since she introduced me to Misa.”

“I see... Maybe it’s time to tell her, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “This charade has lasted long enough, and I’m tired of lying to her weekend after weekend. Plus, I also need to figure out how to tell her I’m not going back to live with my grandparents after school.”

“Is that a final decision?” I ask, surprised.

I can’t hide my joy. If she’s moving in with Jenni, it means we’ll stay close even after leaving here. She laughs softly at my reaction.

“Of course. It’s been decided for a while now. I’m just scared to tell her it’s Jenni. She’s going to kill me, don’t you think? She’s older than me.”

“Lucy’s older than me too,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal. I think what matters to her right now is knowing who you’re seeing. I feel like dating Misa has been good for her. She seems in love. Maybe now she can relate to you and wants something more with Misa after school too. Have you asked her?”

“No,” Ale mutters. “I don’t like that girl very much.”

“Get to know her before you say that. She might turn out to be cool.”

“And you’re the one telling me this?”

“What can I say? You can’t just reject her. You wouldn’t want her to do that to Jenni, would you?”

“That’s true,” she sighs.

“Come on. What did you just tell me? Oh right, ‘It’ll be okay, don’t worry,’” I mimic her teasingly.

She laughs softly, nudging my shoulder. I laugh too, and we exchange a calm smile.

“Talk to her as soon as possible. She’s happy right now, so take advantage of it.”

“You’re right,” she says with determination. “I’ll try. Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. I’m here if you need support.”

She gives me a grateful smile as we reach the cafeteria. Along the way, I briefly spot Lucy heading to her table, her tray already full. I’m surprised she passed us so quickly. We exchange a small smile, which makes Ale laugh.

“You two really have a lot to learn about being discreet,” she teases.

“Oh, stop it,” I groan, playfully hitting her.

She laughs more. It’s only been three days, but it’s already hard. She’s right—we need to calm down if we don’t want to get caught. Sometimes, you have to make choices, and right now, I’d rather keep Lucy close than push her away.

Wednesday, March 3; 2:30 PM – During class.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alessia interrupts me during one of my exercises.

“You just did.”

I smile as I finish writing my last calculation on the sheet.

“Ha ha ha, very funny.”

“I think so too,” I reply, my smile widening.

“Seriously, can I?”

“You could have before. What’s up?”

“What do you see in her?”

I don’t need more context to know who she’s talking about. She’s seemed pretty distracted today. I wasn’t expecting her to still be thinking about my relationship. After all, we hadn’t talked about it since. Ale had suggested I address it since she’d noticed the criticism from her sister, but I hadn’t done anything. I was always afraid of confrontation.

“Why are you so interested, exactly?” I ask casually.

Deep down, I’m nervous, but it seems I’m not the only one. Alessia keeps her head down when I look at her, fidgeting with her fingers. I place my hand on hers, and immediately, our eyes meet. Hers are filled with sadness, which weighs heavily on me.

“What’s wrong?”

“I never hid that I liked you, Ona. I gave up on it a while ago, but I just wanted to know where I went wrong.”

Her honesty touches me. Alessia is such a remarkable girl. I’ve come to learn that after spending time with her. We have so much in common, especially our love for art. I shake my head to let her know she’s mistaken.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Alessia. I was already taken by her before we even met. That’s all.”

“Okay...” she murmurs. “But be honest. If you had met me first, could you have liked me as more than a friend?”

I look up at the ceiling, pondering her question. Like I’d told Lucy before, Alessia could have been my type. But would I have been able to open up to her and trust her like I do with Lucy? The answer is easy.

“I could have,” I admit. “In different circumstances.”

The hope in her eyes fades just as quickly as it appeared. I hate hurting her like this, but I can’t lie to her. She deserves the truth.

“It’s no secret. I have a troubled past, and I struggled to get through it. No offense, but you wouldn’t have been able to help me the way she did. I never thought I could open up to anyone again or even find myself... But she did the impossible, and I could never thank her enough.”

“How? She seems so... I don’t know. Detached from everything.”

I laugh softly. She's so right. Lucy is a completely different person here.

"It's just a mask, you know. She's not like that in real life. She broke me down just to rebuild me. The bond we share is special. It's strong and, most importantly, based on trust."

"Okay," she replies, followed by a deep breath. "You seem happy... and in love, too."

"I am," I confirm with a small smile. "Losing her would destroy me."

She nods thoughtfully, taking her time before responding.

"What does she think of me? I feel like she doesn’t like me much. Maybe I'm wrong, but she seems to react very coldly toward me compared to the rest of your friends."

I chuckle. If only she knew. No one gets accepted on the first try. Still, I can't deny that every time Lucy crosses paths with her by my side, she looks like she could kill her with her eyes.

"She knows that you like me. I told her that at the very beginning, during a conversation."

"You told her what?" she chokes out. "Oh my God, that explains everything! She must hate me!"

I burst out laughing, drawing the attention of our teacher for the first time. He looks up to give us a stern glare. We've been working independently for half an hour, which is why we've been able to talk so freely. I calm down immediately, not wanting him to forbid all conversation or, worse, send us out of class.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that. She's just jealous," I say, pointing to my neck. "But she doesn't hate you. She doesn't even know you."

"She hates me, and she has her reasons," she insists. "Oh my God, why did you tell her that!?"

I struggle to hold back my laughter. Her expression is priceless. If I could record it, I would. I catch our teacher's eye again, and his stare instantly silences me. I pretend to get back to work to avoid any further attention, but I glance at Alessia, who has also bent over her table.

"You're exaggerating. It was a dark time, and I was telling her a lot of things. What do you want me to say... I couldn't take back what she already knew."

"You could have kept it to yourself! Oh my God... What must she think of me now...? She’s going to kill me, for sure."

"Stop. You're being ridiculous."

I think I'm trying to reassure myself. As much as I comfort my girlfriend, she continues to fixate on my friend.

"She's trying to push me away from you, isn't she? Is that why she canceled our tutoring sessions?"

"Aren't you going a bit far?"

I take it lightly, but Alessia seems far from convinced, given her silence. After a moment, I sigh and continue speaking.

"No, she didn’t cancel our tutoring for that reason. She was helping me study long before you started doing it."

"Then why did you stop studying with her?"

"Because we had a falling out," I admit for the first time. "I wanted to distance myself to avoid getting hurt, but it ended up being a failure for both of us."

"Oh..." she replies, her expression showing that she suddenly understands.

"If she wanted to start tutoring me again, it was partly to reconnect, but also because my grades had dropped. My mood was one reason, but it's also because her study methods worked better for me."

"Are you saying I wasn't a good enough teacher?" she squints at me.

"No," I laugh. "Sorry. It's just that with her, I tend to daydream less, you know? She's more strict and serious."

She raises an eyebrow, making it clear that she doesn't entirely believe me. Alexia's words come back to me. They think I'm not really studying with her after class. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, I know you and your sister talk behind our backs."

I give her a moment to respond, but she doesn't, so I continue.

"I really do study with her after class, nothing more. I'm two years behind, Alessia. Don’t you think I have a lot of work to catch up on? Her help is invaluable, and I’m grateful to have her. She stays serious, even with our relationship. She doesn't mix the two."

"Really...?"

For the first time, she seems to be doubting herself. I know then that I've won, that she’s finally going to believe me.

"Yes, really," I confirm. "I have proof in my bag with a whole ton of exercise sheets she gave me to complete before the final exams."

"Is that why you asked the teachers for old chapters?"

"Yes. I need them to review, but also to refresh Lucy's memory."

"She studied management?" she asks, surprised.

"It's more complicated than that, but partially, yes."

"Okay..." she murmurs. "I guess you'll be meeting her tonight as well?"

"Yeah. Plus, today is a special day. It’s our one-month anniversary," I admit.

"Oh! Already? I thought it was less time..."

"No, no, it’s been a month," I confirm proudly.

"Well... I’m sorry for talking about you two."

"It's fine. I understand your reasons. I don’t leave you guys out on purpose, you know."

"I know... I just hope she won't ask you to end our friendship because of what she knows."

"She won't. She knows my friends are important to me, even if she gets jealous. You’re not the first one to go through this."

"If you could tell her that I accepted a long time ago that we’re just friends, it would help," she laughs softly.

"I’ll do that, I promise," I laugh along with her.

"I'm happy to count you as a friend, even if sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow, surprised.

"Well... you talk about your past so much, but no one really knows anything. Don’t take it the wrong way, but it feels like there are missing pieces to the puzzle, you know? But it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to share, it’s very personal."

I nod, even though her words leave me deep in thought. Do Mapi and Alexia feel the same way? They’re my best friends, but they don’t know either. Unlike Alessia, they’ve never mentioned it. What if they think the same and just haven’t said anything?

"Anyway," she continues, pulling me from my thoughts, "you deserve happiness. If Lucy is your source of that, then hold onto her tightly."

I smile awkwardly, feeling uneasy from her last words.

"Thanks, Alessia."

"Miss Batlle, Miss Russo. Do I need to permanently change your seats to ensure you get your work done?"

I jump as our teacher stands in front of us. Fortunately, he grabs my sheet, not Alessia's, who, from what I saw, hasn’t made as much progress as I have. I feel increasingly proud to surpass her lately, even if I still doubt my answers. After examining my sheet, the teacher gives me a disapproving look, earning a cheeky smile from me. Judging by his expression, maybe I got it right after all.

"Get back to work," he says sharply. "It would be a shame to waste these last minutes and end up getting kicked out for the weekend."

He places my sheet back down and walks away. Alessia and I share a mischievous smile before getting back to work. If I get kicked out now, I’ll lose much more than a weekend, not to mention the scolding I’d get from my girlfriend. Finally, the last few minutes tick by, freeing us from these never-ending classes. Time is starting to drag, and I have to admit, I feel more and more uncomfortable in this stifling environment.

"Are you going to meet her?" Alessia asks me.

"Yeah," I reply, adjusting my bag on my shoulders. "I’d like to get my homework done so I can relax."

"I get it. Well, see you at dinner tonight."

"Yep, see you later."

I head off as she waits for her sister and Lotte. I quickly find myself in front of Lucy’s office. Surprisingly, the door is closed. I knock three times as usual and feel compelled to wait for the signal before entering. I'm caught off guard when I find Wiegman in my usual spot. A wave of panic washes over me, but seeing her relaxed demeanor, I realize she’s not here for the reasons I feared.

- "Hello, Ona," she greets me.

- "Hello..." I respond hesitantly.

- "How are you?" she asks, more out of politeness. "You're here for your revisions, I suppose? Miss Bronze mentioned it to me."

- "Uh... yes."

I look to Lucy for support, but all I get is a stern look before the director turns to her. She smiles as if nothing's out of the ordinary. From all this, I understand I need to play along.

- "I assume this is your spot," she says, standing up. "I'll leave it to you. Anyway, we're done here. Do you have any questions?"

- "No, I think that will be all," Lucy replies with a small smile. "Thank you for stopping by to give me the latest details."

- "It's no problem."

I wait by her side, expecting her to move so I can take my seat, but I realize we’re far from that when she turns to smile at me.

- "I’ve received a lot of good feedback about you this week. If we disregard the chatting, one might almost think you've become a model student. We're all pleased, so keep it up."

She pats my shoulder as if we're old friends, before finally deciding to leave with a final goodbye. I sigh and drop into the chair, the tension melting away. Lucy laughs softly.

- "It's not funny! I really thought she'd figured everything out! What was she doing here?"

- "She brought me the latest details for your upcoming outing in a few weeks. I thought she'd leave before you arrived, but you know how she is—once she starts talking, there's no stopping her."

- "Hmm..."

I groan in frustration. I don't like having my emotions toyed with like that. She teases me gently while I unpack my things. I’ve got a test next week and a few exercises, so I've got plenty to prepare tonight.

- "So, you're still chatting, huh?" she teases with a playful grin. "Maybe I should resume my punishments to remind you of the importance of class. Or perhaps I should request that you be moved when you're seated next to your friend."

I roll my eyes with exaggerated amusement.

- "Any excuse is good. I thought we weren’t mixing personal relationships with work, huh?"

- "I'm not mixing anything."

- "Oh really? Because I still sense a bit of jealousy in your words. Why only move me away from her when I talk just as much to her sister or Lotte?"

- "Are you suggesting I isolate you alone at a table? Though, that’s not a bad idea."

I laugh and shake my head. She's beyond reasoning at this point. But mentioning Alessia reminds me of the recent conversation I had with her.

- "Hey," I say calmly. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"

- "Of course."

- "Do you think Mapi and Ale might be upset with me because I’ve never told them about my past?"

Lucy furrows her brows.

- "Have they given you any reason to think that, either through their words or actions?"

- "No, no. It’s just that I had a conversation with someone. They kind of hinted that they don't know me well enough because they don't know what I went through before I came here... So, I started wondering."

- "That person sounds a bit too nosy, if you ask me."

I bite my lip. Thank goodness I didn't mention Alessia by name.

- "It’s just that they might not be entirely wrong. I know why all my friends are here."

The many conversations we’ve had at the table have allowed me to figure it out. The first ones I learned about were the Putellas siblings, thanks to Ale. Then I learned about Patri and Claudia, who grew drugs for their neighborhood. There’s also Lotte, who went through a rebellious phase after his dad left their home. She used to get into fights and committed some vandalism. Her mom didn’t hesitate long before enrolling her in this school to get her back on track. That story surprised me the most. I can’t picture her as a fighter. She’s so calm and quiet around us. Just goes to show how deceiving appearances can be. As for Leah and Alessia, their story is a bit more complicated. It took me a while before Leah opened up to me. I already knew it had something to do with drugs since my detox. She was knowledgeable, and that's what brought us closer back then. She told me in private that they lived in rough neighborhoods in London due to their family situation. To survive in school, they had to join their local gang with Alessia. Unfortunately, they got caught during a fight with another gang the same day their father landed a better-paying job in Manchester. This caused them a lot of trouble. With the help of their lawyer, they were released on the condition that they collaborate and join the Wiegman Camp. Of course, they accepted, as this also provided them with a free higher education while allowing them to follow their parents to Manchester@.

- "So what?" Lucy continues. "That doesn't mean your friends don't know you. The past doesn’t define a person entirely. It's also about how they handle situations, their reactions, and their way of thinking, for example. How do you think they know someone had a painful past, hmm?"

- "Well... I told them..."

- "Everyone can tell you've had a difficult past, Ona."

- "Really? Even without me saying it?"

- "You never told me, and yet I knew it the first day I met you. I just had to look at you. You were fearful, hiding it behind your tough defensive attitude."

I blush, remembering our first encounter. She had thrown me out of bed, and I had stood my ground. I thought she was looking down on me with her airs, but in the end, she just wanted to break through my shell from day one.

- "Who said they didn’t know you?" she asks again, determined to find out.

- "It doesn’t matter," I mutter.

- "Are you sure?"

- "Yes. I was just worried about Mapi and Alexia. I was afraid they might feel the same way. I don’t want them to think I don’t trust them or that they don’t know me well enough."

She sighs softly and leans forward to take my hand in hers. I immediately catch her gaze when I lift my head.

- "I imagine this person who made you feel this way wasn’t Alexia, if you’re saying this."

- "No... It wasn’t her."

- "Then that means it’s a friend you’re not as close to..." she muses aloud. "Whether it’s that person or even the girls, you don’t have to tell them anything unless you want to. The girls know you well enough. They understand your boundaries without knowing everything about what you’ve been through, am I right?"

I nod. Of course they do. But Alessia doesn’t, and I realize what Lucy is trying to tell me.

- "Telling them everything would just satisfy their curiosity... Because deep down, they already know you well enough."

I smile shyly, nodding. I understand her point. A past can shape us, but I don’t need to reveal it to know who I am. Our reactions and actions define us well enough. To think I almost had regrets because of Alessia.

- "Thank you."

Her response is to bring my hand to her lips for a kiss. Lucy’s romantic side is something I never would have guessed at the beginning of our relationship. I need to step up to meet her level of devotion.

- "You're very welcome, beautiful."

- "Do you think I should tell them...?"

- "They deserve to know what hurt you, especially Mapi, given all the support she’s given you. It’s the same for Alexia, I think. But you shouldn’t force yourself. Do it when you’re ready."

- "I-I think I am. I really love them so much. They’ve supported me through everything. Even with you. If there’s anyone I want to tell, it’s them."

- "Then tell them. I’ll be by your side if you need support."

I shake my head. If I’m going to do this, it has to be on my own. Even though I’d love her presence, I need to handle this by myself. It’s the only way for me to build my confidence.

- "I guess they’ll be getting a girls' night without you... if you don’t mind."

She laughs heartily and kisses my fingers again.

- "Not at all, baby. As long as you stay reasonable when I’m not around."

- "I promise. You know, we never really talked about it, but I appreciate how we've managed to bring our friends together like this."

- "Me too," she admits. "We’re creating our own little group, and it’s wonderful. It brings us even closer."

I smile, wholeheartedly agreeing with her. "Us." It's a word that still gives me butterflies when she says it. I can’t wait to officially start our life together.

[hyuuukais]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚your song (1.6k)

->♡idol!han jisung x fem reader

->♡pov: u fall in love with han jisung

->♡warnings: 1 kind of suggestive comment

it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

never in your life had you fallen in love. of course, you knew love, you knew her well. love surrounded you in almost every way possible; you knew her like the back of your hand. but romance? fireworks? falling so deep you're drowning in it?

you can't say you're familiar with the feeling.

so when you get this tingling in your fingers as they brush against his arm accidentally, causing you both to look up and blush, you indulge in the foreign feeling. lightheaded, nervous, giddy.

"hi, i'm jisung-" his smile slightly falters as you pull your hand away. "you're felix's friend, right?"

i know it's not much, but it's the best i can do. my gift is my song and this one's for you

overworked, overtired, a cup of hot chocolate turned cold long ago the only thing in your system.

as if he sensed your stress from across the globe, your phone lit up with an incoming call. you debate getting up to grab your phone which is across the room charging on a small table. seeing the contact name decided for you; hanji.

"hello?"

"hey baby," the nickname he'd adopted for you makes your heart swell when he speaks. "you okay?"

"um, yeah, i guess so."

"you don't sound very convincing."

you sigh, giving in and confessing that your workload had been crazy lately. something about him made you want to tell all your deepest secrets, stripping yourself down to the bone for him to see.

"i know i can't do much from here, i wish i could." there's a pause. "what time is it for you?"

"...three am."

"three? y/n i- you!" his reaction makes you laugh. "okay. okay, listen. you, me on the phone, your bed, right now."

"i'm sorry, what?"

"not like that!" he says, a bit too loudly. "i meant like, you go to bed and i stay on the line. i could sing you to sleep."

a blush creeps up your neck, your cheeks, your ears. you agree, of course, and hurry off to bed, you can finish your work last minute in the morning. hearing the one and only han jisung sing to you personally? well, that was an offer you couldn't pass up. little did you know he would do it any time you asked.

his voice comes over the phone softly, and you can even hear him pick at guitar strings. you don't recognize the tune; something new, he said, something i've been working on for y- um, just something, haha. it doesn't take long for sleep to take you, and when you wake, he's hung up. of course he has, he has things to do too. a part of you wishes he'd stayed overnight. there's a text, a simple good morning i hope you slept well!! did you dream of me? :P, and your heart flutters.

and you can tell everybody that this is your song

"y/n hurry up or i'm gonna eat all your birthday cake myself!"

you had just finished getting ready to leave, picking out a green skirt to compliment the shirt jisung wore. you didn't know where you were going, only that one, you were meeting the boys there and two, he wanted to match. green looked so good on him, you couldn't help but stare when he first came into your little apartment.

over the past year, you'd grown closer to him, and one thing he couldn't wait to do was to celebrate your birthday. jisung brought it up multiple times, especially during the last few months, all of the things he wanted to do with you, experience with you. at this point he was almost challenging felix's best friend position.

"oh my god, you look gorgeous." his eyes widen as you step out. "you're joking right? like, you're actually joking? i get to spend my life with someone as beautiful as you-"

now your eyes widen, but it was like jisung hadn't even noticed what he said. he takes your hand in his, making you do a spin; you laugh freely and feel yourself become you in his presence. no one made you feel the way han jisung did.

you were slowly coming to terms with that.

"have i ever told you how much i love you?" jisung wraps his arms around your waist, playfully nuzzling into your neck. anyone looking in would think you were together. "because i love you a lot. shoutout to lix for losing you at that party, 'cause i don't know if he'd have introduced us. keeping you to himself."

he hums a now familiar tune, the song he refuses to tell you about. anytime you bring it up, he shies away, it's nothing, just work. the notes vibrate into your neck. this moment, it's engraving itself into your mind. the intimacy, safety, love.

a moment passes, he moves away from your neck. your faces are dangerously close. his eyes bore into yours, heat radiating off his body. the movement is slight, jisung moving in closer, lips parted.

a knock reminds you of where you are, who you're with, where you're supposed to be going. you break apart.

"i forgot felix was coming here," jisung pouts, leaving to get the door, heart beating just as fast a your own.

i hope you don't mind, i hope you don't mind that i put down in words...

the day finally comes where jisung shows you the lyrics to the song he's been writing. there's not a lot so far, being busy with the tour and all, but enough to feel a deep sadness lie in the pit of your stomach; it's a love song.

"it's... it's beautiful ji," you blink back tears, not wanting him to see. "whoever you wrote this for... they're very lucky."

"if anyone's lucky it's me," he says with a sigh. your back is turned to him, so you don't see the hearts in his eyes, don't feel the way his heart skips a beat when you lean back into him, back against his chest. "she makes me feel... like i could do anything."

he presses a kiss to your temple, and the tears well again.

"she doesn't even realize what she does to me," he says, tone serious. "or how amazing she is, how smart she is. she's a super hard worker, almost too hard, and that's coming from me," he chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "and her laugh? god, her laugh. you know, i thought i was annoying y- um, her, until she laughed so hard chocolate milk came out of her nose because of some stupid joke i made."

no way, you think, he doesn't mean-

...how wonderful life is while you're in the world

but he did.

that night, you didn't confess, just simply looked at him, eyes understanding. nothing happened, not physically at least, both still too scared to make a move even with the unsaid confession hanging heavy in the air, but something changed.

you were closer than ever, limbs entangled during movie nights, countless "friend dates", endless teasing from the others more persistent. the universe was pushing you together; why was it all so scary? although you were sure he felt the same, you couldn't act upon it. what about the media? and if not that, what about your conflicting schedules? a text pulled you away from those thoughts.

hannie bby - new song up soon !!!!!! ur gonna listen right??

y/n - nah. don't feel like it

hannie bby - WHAT

hannie bby - i mean i guess if you don't want to that's fine you don't have to. it meant a lot to me though but i understand

y/n - i was joking !!!!!

hannie bby - don't scare me like that

y/n - i have yt open rn. just waiting for the countdown

hannie bby - :)

hannie bby - i wasn't going to say until after

hannie bby - but this song is inspired by you

even more curious now, you wait anxiously for the video to start. 3.. 2.. 1.. it plays. it's slow at first, an extremely familiar tune playing in your ears. the lyrics are about love and fear; the fear of love. by the end your eyes have grown watery, almost missing jisungs incoming call.

"what did you think?"

the tears fall. "come over."

within twenty minutes, there's a knock on your door. he stares at your wet cheeks when you open the door, his hands on your face in an instant. warmth, connection. jisung kicks the door shut as you back up into your humble apartment, your arms around his neck. no words are said as he turns you around, hands slowly finding their way down to your waist, your back against the now closed door. your faces are close, breath intermingling.

"kiss me."

and he does.

he does and kissing him is an explosion.

his lips are soft, careful, gentle, grip on your waist tightening ever so slightly. your fingers find their way into his hair, lost in the feeling of him against you, chest to chest. when he pulls away, it's brief, you pulling him back more fiercely than intended. a surge of confidence, his tongue brushes against your bottom lip. you let him in, teeth knocking into each other. another heated moment passes before you pull away again, catching your breath. your lips are swollen, pink, his matching and eyes blown out.

"i take it you liked the song?"

"loved it."

he breathes out a laugh, hand caressing your cheek lightly, corner of his mouth twitching upward in a smirk. it doesn't last long. jisung clears his throat, looking down. his hands take yours.

"if i said i loved you-"

"say it," you take a hand away to lift his chin up.

his eyes meet yours. "i love you. ever since we met, i've loved you."

"i love you too," you smile. "more than words can describe."

he leans in again.

-

-> notes ♡ birthday gift for my love @tfshouldidohere bc i can't see u physically. i love u so much. like so much. like an insane amount you have no idea. i really hope you enjoyed this :3 have THE best birthday ever, i love you i love you i love you <333 💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎💙💗🤎

-> taglist ♡ @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143

[veronicaphoenix]

writing updates ✨

I'm aware I haven't posted anything besides a short one shot in the last few weeks. I've been busy writing my MA's thesis which is due in a couple of weeks, and trying to cope with the chaos that is summer.

I'm just popping by to leave unedited short snippets for both The Unmaking of a Warrior, and the next chapter of Zutto 😇

The Unmaking of a Warrior — Epilogue Pt. 1

I couldn't stop thinking about it since that moment. The realization lingered in my mind, and throughout the day, it haunted me like a secret I was too embarrassed to admit—even to myself.

I wanted to be a mother. I wanted Noah and I to become parents, to bring a life into this world that was a part of both of us. I imagined a little one, a perfect blend of Noah and me, running through the gardens, learning to wield a bow or defend himself with a sword, just like his father.

At lunch, a swarm of butterflies fluttered wildly in my stomach, their wings beating in rhythm with the thought of Noah getting me pregnant. My hands trembled slightly as I held my chopsticks, moving them aimlessly across my plate.

"You’re very quiet today," Noah observed, his voice soft yet curious.

I glanced up at him, caught off guard. His eyes, filled with a mix of curiosity and amusement, met mine. The faintest smile played at the corner of his lips, as if he knew I was hiding something.

"What’s going on in that little head of yours?" he teased gently.

"Nothing special," I replied quickly, lowering my gaze to my plate.

"Nothing special?" he repeated, not convinced by my response.

"No, nothing," I insisted, shaking my head, hoping to divert the conversation. But Noah wasn’t so easily deterred.

"This wouldn’t have anything to do with your reaction when you saw Lila in my arms, would it?" he asked, his voice laced with a knowing tone.

I felt my cheeks flush. "What? No, of course not."

"Are you sure you’re not having any thoughts about… us?" He leaned across the table, lowering his voice to a whisper, "About me… emptying myself inside of you?"

"Noah!" I hissed, glancing around quickly to ensure no one could hear. My face grew even warmer, and I looked away, mortified.

Zutto — Chapter Six

Lia brushed aside a lock of Noah's hair that threatened to fall over his eyes, and a memory from her teenage years suddenly flooded back. It was one of those weekends when Cristina had abandoned her, leaving her to spend the night at Noah's house. Back then, Noah slept like a log. At seventeen, his passion for music already coursed through his veins relentlessly, and many nights were spent working until he realized he should probably get some sleep and try to be a normal person. The nights he spent with Lia were no different—they would stay up late watching movies or talking. That particular night, she had fallen asleep before him but woke up earlier, giving her the chance to touch his hair while he slept, lightly snoring.

It felt surreal that, eleven years later, the same scene was playing out. Lia was certain he had the same expression, the same features. He still looked like a child, lost in his dreams. She was determined to protect him at all costs, just as he had done for her. It was the least she could do, beyond giving him her love.

Now, as adults, naked, their bodies were pressed together. Noah's chest rose as Lia made a futile attempt to tuck the lock of hair behind his ear. He stirred on the bed, and two more strands of hair joined the one Lia had tried to brush off his forehead, falling over his eyes and causing him to blink.

As soon as he saw Lia's wide eyes looking up at him and that smile that always cured his every ill, he couldn't help but smile back. He was fucking happy to wake up next to the girl he loved, especially with her naked under the sheets.

"Good morning," he murmured.

"Morning," she replied, trying to ignore the tingling sensation at the tips of her toes and the warmth spreading between her legs at the sound of Noah's sleepy, gravelly voice. His eyes, with their distinctly Asian features, looked beautiful in the morning—smaller, like two thin slits.

"You look wide awake. How long have you been staring at me?" he asked. His playful arrogance hinted at a self-assuredness that Lia was all too familiar with.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You've got some nerve," she shot back, equally accustomed to his confident, slightly egotistical humor.

With a burst of energy, he grabbed Lia by the waist and tried to tickle her. She rolled onto her side, giggling, until they were chest to chest, both lying sideways on the bed.

"No more than ten minutes," Lia replied, calming herself as she saw his brown eyes twinkle. "How did you sleep?"

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Sweet Nothing | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Back at it again with another Taylor Swift inspired fic because I'm mentally ill, babes :)

Warnings: some anxiety

"They said the end is coming. Everyone's up to something. I find myself running home to your Sweet nothings. Outside they're push and shoving. You're in the kitchen humming. All that you ever wanted from me was Sweet nothing."

Bucky stood in the doorway, silently watching you. He loved to observe, to drink you in without you knowing. He liked seeing how you lived in moments when you thought you were alone, without your self-conscious tendencies or insecurities.

These quiet moments belonged to him- only him. And he never took them for granted. He committed to memory everything about you, every small detail he could catch. 

He loved knowing that, somehow, the two of you crossed paths. You found each other despite all the nightmares. And he could never put into words how grateful he was to have you in his life. Even when he was away, just knowing that you lived in the same timeline eased his anxiety.

But after watching you for a while, he couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t resist holding you. He wrapped his strong arms around you from behind and pulled you flush to his chest. His stubbled chin rested on your shoulder as his lips found your neck.

“Good morning, doll.” His voice was low, gravelly from sleep. “Whatcha got goin’ on here?”

You reached up and tangled your fingers in Bucky’s hair, eliciting a quiet sigh from his chest. “And good morning to you, Sarge. I thought I’d make us some French toast.” 

Bucky’s “mmmmmm” vibrated against your back. “You didn’t have to do that.”

A quick spin brought you face to face with him. He always looked so cute in the morning, with his tired eyes and disheveled hair.

“You’re finally home, babe. I wanted to make you your favorite breakfast.” His dog tags clinked as you toyed with them for the first time since his return. 

“Well, that’s very sweet of you,” Bucky said, dotting a kiss to your forehead. “Let me help,” he dropped a kiss to your nose. “Put me to work, sweetheart,” finally, his lips met yours. 

“No, you don’t have to do anything-”

“But I want to!” Bucky’s hands made quick work of your sides, tickling you mercilessly. “Let me help, let me help, let me help!”

“Okay, okay!” you breathed, “you can help!” It took several moments for your laughter to cease and your breath to return; Bucky knew exactly how to get to you. “I’m putting you on bacon and fruit.”

He followed your orders and quickly got to work cutting up strawberries and cooking bacon. These were the moments Bucky missed most. He missed the safety, the domesticity, the peace you brought. An unstoppable smile forced his lips upward as he listened to you talk about your dreams from the previous night and the latest update on your work drama. 

It wasn’t flashy or exciting, but it was warm. Comfortable. And while others may have been bored with such a menial task, Bucky reveled in it. He never thought he’d experience the quiet things, the soft things. But now that he had, he couldn't get enough. He wanted to fold laundry with you. Grocery shop. Cook dinner. All the normal things he'd been without for years.

And cutting up strawberries for his favorite person to put on her French toast made him happier than he ever thought possible.

With breakfast finished and the kitchen clean, you gave Bucky an expectant look. 

“Yes?” He pressed his lips to yours, tasting syrup and strawberries. “Can I help you with something?”

“I’m just wondering what you wanna do today!” you told him. “You pick. We can do whatever you want.”

Bucky’s jaw tensed. It was so quick that you almost missed it, but you’d gotten good and picking up his miniscule indicators of stress. “Oh, I hadn’t… I hadn’t really thought about, sweetheart,” he lied. “Give me a little time to mull it over?”

“Of course, babe. No rush.” You planted a quick, syrup-flavored peck to his lips, “I’m gonna go jump in the shower, you think it over and let me know.”

Bucky remained in the kitchen, conflicted. He knew what he wanted to do, how he wanted to spend the day. But he feared you wouldn’t like his plan. He knew you wanted to do something fun, like ice skating or axe throwing. But Bucky’s idea was simpler, more understated. And the last thing he wanted was to let you down.

When you emerged from the shower, you threw another expectant look his way. “So, what’s the verdict, Buck?”

You were ready to do whatever he wanted- no matter what. He’d been gone for just over a week, and letting him pick the entire day’s itinerary was only fair. There were things he missed out on while he way away. Things he didn’t get to do, things he wanted to do with you. And so, if he wanted to spend the day bar hopping or strolling through the farmer’s market, you’d happily oblige.

More than anything, though, you wanted to do absolutely nothing. You wanted to melt into the couch with Bucky’s body wrapped around yours. You wanted to listen to his heartbeat, play with his hair, hold his head against your chest. The safe, quiet world inside the apartment you shared was your favorite place to be. It gave you a sense of comfort and warmth you’d never experienced before. And you wanted to spend every second in the oasis you'd created together.

Sure, going to the movies or the museum was always fun- everything you did with Bucky was fun. You could’ve spent hours watching paint dry with him and it would probably make the list of your top ten favorite days. Time with him passed quickly. Easily. 

But keeping him all to yourself, holed up in your cozy apartment was your favorite way to spend the day. Just the two of you, reveling in the other’s presence. His safe return was all you ever hoped for. And now that he was home, you needed some quiet time with him. You needed to feel him next to you- no distractions, no disturbances- to assure you that he was really back. That he really returned to you in one piece. 

And maybe it was selfish that you wanted to keep him from the outside world. But it was the only thing that could ease your mind after he spent a long mission away. 

It wasn’t fair, though. You knew he was more than just your boyfriend. He surely wanted to spend the day catching up on what he missed while away. There was an exhibit at the Met you knew he was interested in; his favorite author had released a new book just yesterday. There was a whole world outside your apartment- no matter how hard you tried to deny it. And so, you resigned to keep your desires to yourself. Even if you didn’t feel like taking a trip to the pier or the library or the arcade. Because, truthfully, you would’ve been more than happy do anything Bucky wanted- as long as you got to do it with him.

Bucky shifted his weight and brought a hand up to his dog tags- a nervous habit you’d come to know. “Would you…” he sighed, “would you be disappointed if I said I didn’t wanna do anything today?”

You cocked your head to the side, “what?”

Shame bloomed in Bucky’s chest. It pushed through the muscle and bone and rooted itself just beneath his skin- he almost feared you could see it. “I know I just got back, and there’s probably things you want us to do together. But I’d rather just spend the day at home… if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Or…” he found himself backpedaling, regretting his words. “We can still go out and do something- just a little later? We can compromise; I don’t want you to be bored. I just want some time together- some time for us. Just us. I want you all to myself for a while… if you don’t mind.”

You took his hand from his dog tags and encapsuled it with your own. You wished he wasn’t so nervous about expressing himself. You wished he was more comfortable speaking his mind. But he saw his presence in your life as an interruption, a nuisance, a tumor. He wondered when you’d excise him.

Society kept him on thin ice, no matter how many times he redeemed himself. And though he knew you loved him; he was scared of messing up the life you shared. He feared the ice beneath him would crack. And without you, he’d drown in the freezing water. 

“You don’t want to do anything?” you asked, “you just wanna stay here?”

He gave another nod, his eyes downcast.

A massive smile spread across your face as you melted into his body. “I was secretly hoping you’d wanna stay in.”

Bucky reach down and hooked a finger under your chin, tilting your face toward his. “You were?”

“Yeah, I mean, I always have a good time with you- no matter what we’re doing.” You thought back on all the things you’d experience together, the trips and the museum visits and the concerts. “But- I don’t know, I just like doing nothing with you. I like when it’s just us and we hang out at home, you know?”

Bucky wasn’t sure he heard you right. “Really? I thought that…” he rolled his eyes at his own assumption. Of course, he'd expect the worst. And of course, he was wrong. “I thought I was kind of... I don't know, anchoring you here. Dragging you down with all my excuses to stay home. I’ve been worried that I was boring you.”

The words made your heart crack. They nearly pushed you off balance, forcing you to take a step back and steady yourself. “You thought… you thought I was bored?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re dating a ‘superhero’- or whatever…” he cringed at the word, knowing that ‘hero’ didn’t apply to him. “I’ve been thinking that… that maybe you had this grand idea in your head of what a relationship with me- with an Avenger- would look like, you know? Stark galas, me saving the world, exciting things happening every day.” A deep sigh left his chest as his hand once again found his dog tags. “And I think we both know that my life isn’t nearly that cool or interesting. It’s mostly just PTSD and people harassing me on the subway.”

“Bucky, baby, I’m not bored-”

“Are you sure?” The doubt in his eyes cut you to the bone. 

“Yes. Oh my god- I only suggested that we go do something because I didn’t want you to be bored."

"I'm not bored, I could never be bored- not with you." The words came quick and firm, like he thought he could stem your leaking anxiety with his assurances. "I'd just so rather be here. With you- just you. And going out always ends up making me feel like shit anyway, so..." At least twice during every outing, Bucky dealt with hecklers. Harassers. They called him names and threw things at him. Screamed and ran when he came near. He'd had the cops called on him more times than he could count.

"Buck, I’m a homebody, babe- I always have been. I just didn’t wanna tell you because I thought you wanted to go do stuff. Honestly," you laughed, "I fucking love doing nothing.”

Bucky pulled you to his chest where you belonged. The unfounded fears he held bout your relationship never came to fruition. He knew they were inaccurate and misguided. But he couldn’t stop himself from believing them.

“And hey, I didn’t start dating you because you’re an Avenger- I was never looking for high speed car chases or you fighting maniacal supervillains in our living room,” you said. “I just wanna be with you. Plain and simple.”

Bucky knew you were telling the truth- but how long could this last? How much time did he have with you before you grew tired of this life with him? How long would he be enough? He didn’t have anything to offer you- not money or social capital. You were simply worth more than Bucky.

In almost record time, he found himself spiraling with no chance of return.

But, as though you’d read his mind, you saved him from the rabbit hole. “I don’t want anything from you- no galas or photo shoots. I just want to be with you. I want you. You’re enough- more than enough.”

“But, doll-”

You held up a hand silencing him. “What do you want from me?”

He stared at you, confused. “I don’t… what do you mean?”

“What are you hoping to get out of this? By being in a relationship with me, what are you trying to gain?” 

“Nothing…” he said, his voice soft yet firm. “I love you- I just want to be with you.”

“Exactly!” You tugged him into the living room and pulled him down onto the couch, demanding that his body rest atop yours. “This is all I want from you. I just want time, closeness. That’s all- that’s all I’ll ever ask of you.”

Bucky’s muscles slackened as the feeling of your touch washed over him. He breathed easier, felt his heart rate slow. His chin rested in the crook of your neck, his stubble scratching at your skin. “This is what I want from you, doll. All I’ll ever want.”

“Good,” you gave a contented sigh. “And let me tell ya, now that the truth is on the table and we’re gonna be staying in more often… we’re gonna save so much money.”

“Money we can use for take-out!” Bucky said. “I know we ate breakfast like half an hour ago but the anxiety burned off all my French toast. So, I’m gonna need to order some lunch soon.” He pressed a line of kisses to your neck before hopping up from the couch in search of the stash of take-out menus.

This was where you wanted to be. Apartment 381 on Bleeker Street. Complete with its warped floors and painted-shut windows. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was home. This was where Bucky told you he loved you for the first time. Where you cooked him recipes from your childhood. Where he almost burned down the building because he didn’t know how to use an air fryer. 

The small space with its water damage and metric ton of take-out menus was better any high-profile event or fancy gala. It was your home- the home you shared with Bucky. And that’s all you ever wanted.

——————————

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[the-fiction-witch]

Hopelessly P2

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Flirty Af

Requested:

Could you please do a part 2? I loved this one 😍

Please part 2 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

You have to keep going with hopelessly PlZ

More hopelessly!

I woke slowly with a haze to my vision, for a few moments I couldn't be confident if I was still in the cling of sleep dancing with my dreams or if I had truly spilt back into reality. I had been so hard these last weekdays to try and discern the dreams from reality as my reality had become what I had always dreamt of. 

I laid on my back in the sweet glow of the morning sun, the mattress below me, as I wore only my nightie and even that, had been tugged up to my thighs, the soft cotton of the sheets against me. Below my head the soft warmth of tender skin my arm around his waist, my head on his chest, his own arms around me one on my waist the other on my upper arm, my leg wrapped around his. The only sound was the bird tweeting in the morning sun, the gentle hum of his slow sleepy breaths, and the muffled cluttering downstairs of hospital business only just begining for the day ahead. 

I was unable to prevent my smile as I nuzzled a little closer to him moving my hand to gently stroke across his bare chest, which was enough to cause him to stir. 

"Umm Good Morning," I cooed 

"Humm Good Morning" He smiled taking my hand in his to give my skin a gentle kiss I giggled glancing up at him "Humm hello down there." 

I giggled more "Hello up there," 

"What is a very pretty girl doing here then?" He asked 

"I live here you cheeky boy,"

"Ohh, Do forgive me I for a moment thought I was dreaming, I'd been spending the night in the company of an angel" He smiled "Now I see it's just you y/n"

"Very funny Jack" I smiled moving to give his lips a sweet kiss he happily pulled me closer to him so not an inch of us was a part, as he happily kissed me. Till I pulled back "You have that appointment this morning."

"Do I? Pity. rather hoped we'd get a nice morning" He cooed 

"A nice morning?"

"Humm you know I like when we get to stay in bed an extra few minutes." He smirked giving my lips another sweet kiss "You joining me this morning?" 

"I'm still deciding" I giggled bundling myself up in the covers 

"Evil little Nursey" He smirked kissing my head before he climbed out of bed over me and stretched himself slightly his back cracking as he did "Ow."

"You alright?"

"Ummm. I am not accustomed to staying in one place all night" He said going to the wardrobe to get dressed as he had only slept in his underwear

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. I just need to get accustomed to you."

"Why didn't you move if you wanted to?"

"I didn't want to disturb you." He said getting his trousers on and I couldn't help but watch which he spotted and winked at me "You know I don't. I'd never forgive myself if I woke you" He says coming to lean over the bed "You're really going to stay in bed while I go down to work?"

"I don't have to start work till half eleven"

"But you always get up with me."

"I did when I had to make your breakfast and run around after you all day" I giggled nuzzling into the covers and getting as cosy as possible 

"Ohh? So when you were just my nursey, I got breakfast, and work, and sweet words. Now you my lady I get kicked out of bed, no breakfast and an attitude do I?" He chuckled "Doesn't seem fair."

"You're getting kisses in return"

"Well I suppose that does add something" He smirked leaning down to kiss me again clearly meant an innocent peck but our kiss deepened and deepened until he knelt on the mattress crawling on top of me "You're just trying to make me jealous" 

"Maybe I am"

 "Don't make me go y/n" He groans 

"You have to Jack" I giggled petting his hair and stroking his face 

"I want to stay with you" he pouts

"I know, but Sneed will butcher the man if you're not there to do it."

"You're too clever" He smirked "Alright," He sighed before he continued getting dressed "But when I'm done with the rounds on the ward you are to be down to work yourself."

"I promise" I smiled "I wouldn't want to stay in bed too long without my sweet jack to keep me warm." 

"Good girl," he smiled as he finished getting dressed "And how about tonight, you and I finally make this bed squeak a little?" He smirked sitting on the bed with me rubbing his nose on mine 

I blushed hard "Really?"

"Really."

"I think we've waited long enough, but only if it's what you desire."

I giggled but I nodded "Only if it squeaks all night" 

"Hum All night y/n" he smirked kissing me again this time far more intense slightly heard him groan into the kiss his hands slipping up the sheets until he met the top and he tugged them down to better reveal my nightie his hand met my waist and began to stroke the cotton of my nightie "Ummm Y/n!" He groans between kisses his hand moving higher but I grab it before he can touch my breast

"You can wait till tonight Jack."

"You don't know how long I can wait."

"Well, how long?"

"Not that long." 

"You can wait till tonight. Or tomorrow your choice" I warned him 

"Evil little Nursey" He smirked rubbing his nose on mine "Fine. Tonight, but not a second more" He said getting up and going to the door "I'll see you later won't I?"

"Of course."

"Good girl, Love you" He winked blowing me a little kiss 

"Love you too" I giggled blowing him a kiss too before he headed off 

I giggled nuzzling in the covers for a little while more,  I had over the last few days made this place my home as our two rooms had now been combined, my clothes took up half the wardrobe, my books half the shelf, and I now took half the bed. We graciously gave my room to Jack's servant which he was more than happy with. It had been about a week since my drunken confession and it had been the happiest week of my life, I had spent every night in his bed, and every day whenever we saw each other we'd share kisses and sweet words, I was living in a dream, in fact, my dream had not even gotten to a point of jack and I being so intertwined. I did blush at the thought of the bed squeaking for us all night, but I did feel for him. A week our lives had been utterly entwined living almost as husband and wife and yet I had not touched him, He had wanted to of course but wanted to wait until I was ready, Given we had spent years in utter admiration for one another but only a few days truly together he thought It didn't seem right to do so. That and the moment I told him of my innocence he wanted to make sure such a moment was worth all our years of waiting. But It has been a week of sharing a bed, and a room, I can't blame him for getting a little frustrated even if he did want to wait. But tonight... I can't deny I was utterly ecstatic, 

I forced myself up after a little while and got dressed for the day ahead and hurried down to the main part of the hospital and began my work rushing about as usual to do all my laundry work and as usual as if nothing were different a nurse past me as I stripped a newly empty bed.

"Dr Dawkins Needs to see you," She said 

So I quickly took the laundry down to the wash and then headed up to see him, before I'd have dropped everything but I suppose I could keep him waiting a little longer, and I found him in the prep surgery prep room.

"There you are. I was wondering where my nursey got herself off to."

"I've been busy." I giggled going over and standing close to him

"Busy? Too busy for me?" he asked taking my hand 

"Never."

"That's my girl" He smiled kissing my hand "If you please" He smiled glancing to where his apron hung so I happily went over getting it for him and bringing it over helping him into it tightening the back a little more then he usual had "Oi! carefully." He warns playfully as his patient is brought in along with the crowd 

"I suppose I'll see you later then."

"You will, But aren't I missing something my little Nursey?" He smirked 

"Oh?" I asked 

"Where's my lucky kiss?"

"It's only a leg amputation." I giggled 

"Still."

"Alright" I smiled giving him a lucky kiss, a ritual we had begun since my confession whatever surgery he was going to do be it a finger amputation or something more dangerous always he wanted his lucky kiss, 

"Am I interrupting something?" Her voice spoke up I glanced to the door and saw Belle ready to help with today's surgery I froze up given this was the first time we had all seen one another since he uhhh... politely told her to quote 'sod off' I wasn't sure how any of us would react, I get the feeling as she looked at me that she wanted to cut my head off. 

"You are actually Milady, go on I'll be there in a minute," He told her 

She pouted but headed in so I smiled and nuzzled with him 

"Awww, My little nursey happy with me?"

"Very happy" I smiled giving him another kiss "I'll see you later"

"See you later y/n darling" He smiled giving me one more kiss before he headed into surgery so I went back to work but I stopped short as I felt something... a twinge in my stomach, a knotting, twisting, stabbing feeling. 

"Oh shit-" I sighed throwing everything in the laundry and rushing up to our room immediately pulling my dress up seeing blood running down my leg "Fuck-" I sighed opening the wardrobe and quickly searching for my one of my rags 

Luckily I found one and managed to get it where it needed to be before any more blood came tumbling down my legs. I leaned on the bed frame trying to get my head straight given the cramping realising it wasn't sudden this had been happening most of the day I just hadn't paid it any attention as I often don't.

"You just had to show up today didn't you" I complained

Oh no! Tonight!

Oh no Jack will be so disappointed, 

he'll be so angry at me, 

so upset with me.

I feel awful I'd have to tell him, that and I'd of course have to hide it for the next few days now we share a room, that's not going to be fun or easy either.

I felt awful like crying but I went back to work knowing it'll be much harder to get things done now. I purposely didn't go and see him any time today I felt so terrible that he had been waiting so long we finally agree and then my body goes and changes its damn mind! once work was done for the day I made myself a hot tea and climbed into bed trying not to cry from the utter pain, the only words I could say to myself were simply "Sometimes... I hate being a woman" I sighed 

I heard footsteps and immediately I panicked but I knew I had to tell him, the door opened and quickly closed Jack smirked shutting the door and leaning his back on it as he looked at me immediately his smirk grew as he saw me "Ohhh there's my little nursey" He smirked locking the door slipping his jacket off hanging it on the door, undoing his waistcoat and dropping it to the floor as he stepped over "Ummmm now that is a perfect sight, my little y/n in bed waiting for me, you should be like this everyday" He growled, "Umm come here!" He smirked only managing to pull one of his suspenders off before he jumped on the bed, literally! he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me with such aggression and passion you'd think I was all that was keeping him alive, I kissed back a little almost giggling at his excitement "Ummmmm y/n! y/n!" he groans between kisses "Uhh my darling!" he groans ripping the covers off me "Uhhh I can't wait for a second longer y/n!" He groans tugging at my dress but I force him back and stop him

"Jack. Please." I began 

He knew something was wrong immediately he could tell from my face and my voice "Y/n? what's the matter?" He asked taking my hands  "Was I too intense? was it too much? I know it's your first I should be gentle I uhh I couldn't help it" He said adjusting his suspenders "Come on I've wanted this since I got here you can't blame me for getting a little excited" he smiled 

"I know, I know I'm sorry Jack"

"Are you alright? we don't have to do this if you don't want to" He reassured 

"No I want to, I do I really, really do jack -" I began

"Humm let me at my little nursey then" he smirked grabbing my leg to move them apart but the moment he did he saw - "Is that blood?" 

"Yes," I nodded as much as I had used my rags to try and prevent the leaking blood had been seeping through them and onto the white sheets 

"What happened?" He asked panic across his face

"What do you mean?"

"What happened? Did someone hurt you-"

"Jack. It's my period." I said my face turning as red as the sheets at the idea I told him such a thing, the mere idea I had uttered such a word to anyone let alone a man. but my words calmed him 

"Ohh..." He let out a sigh of relief "You. frit. me. to. death." He said tapping my nose with each word 

"I'm so sorry I- I'll go"

"Go? no, come on lay down get comfortable and I'll look after you" He cooed making me lay back down and wrapping the covers around me giving my head a kiss 

"But I should leave-"

"why would you leave?"

"I imagined you wouldn't want to be around me when I'm like this."

for a moment he looked very confused "You're not bloody contagious." He laughed "I hope, I mean if I spent a week with you like this and I start bleeding out my cock I think we have bigger problems," he said and I couldn't help but giggle "Don't you worry about a thing, I'm going to take care of my little nursey" He cooed stroking my hair 

"I'm so sorry-"

"About what? it doesn't bother me" 

"I know, I didn't mean to I am hopelessly at its mercy"

"I know, it's alright I know you can't" He smiled giving me little kisses 

"You really don't mind?"

"Of course not, Y/n I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you I have to get used to these things" He chuckled 

"You do?" I blushed "You- you really want that?"

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I want to marry the woman I love?"

"Y-you've never told me that before" 

"We have only been together a week... haven't really had time to tell you everything" 

"I guess not." I nodded "You'd really want to get married someday?"

"Someday, not too long I hope but someday" He smiled giving my head a kiss "You want anything? some warm tea? A hot bath? a nice massage? a cuddle?"

"I'm alright I don't want to be a bother"

"It's no trouble, I'd rather you be comfortable" 

"A little cuddle?"

"A little cuddle for my y/n" He smiled stripping off and climbing in so he could cuddle me spooning me gently not being careful not to squeeze my stomach or anywhere else that may have hurt "Why would you be so worried? I'm a doctor. I understand how ladies work"

"My father used to lock me in my room, told me I was disgusting like this."

"Well, I promise I am never going to look you away for anything." He smiled giving my cheek a kiss,

for a while we simply lay together he would give me little kisses to make me feel better and if ever the pain grew intense Jack would stroke my stomach until the cramps subsided 

"I'm really sorry about tonight Jack"

"Hey, I told you, you don't need to be sorry-"

"I know but, about tonight. Given our plans and all," I blushed 

"ohhh yeah, about that." He nodded "Well" he sighed "Y/n. I've waited this long for you, I can wait a few more days" 

"I'm sorry, I was so excited about tonight and then I went and messed everything up"

"Aww y/n you didn't mess anything up it's fine really" he cooed moving me gently to lay on my back so he could hover himself over me "I mean... if you really wanted to I'm not opposed" 

I looked at him a little surprised and he just playfully shrugged "Jack I'm bleeding."

"Yeah? Darling, I'm a surgeon. I'm not averse to a little blood" He smirked "and I have heard it can even soothe cramps" 

"Can it now?"

"I have heard so yes. Shall we experiment?" 

[xmorguekittyx]

Ever Locked

Part 3: With Your Ghost

Part 2: On the Rocks

pairing: Older!Leon Kennedy × Ex!Coroner's Assistant Reader

warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, this chapter is more of your pov with how Leon’s affected your psyche. No real warnings for this one, a slow but telling chapter <3

extras: this fic will also be slow and longer, we're telling an entire story, i want it to be detailed with Reader and Leon as well as introducing Marina and Ryan. I hope you guys enjoy i have so so so many ideas and rough drafts already written. next part should be out Sunday!

Blue that's what I remembered the most about Leon Kennedy, the nights sleep evaded me. The days in which every stranger somehow had the same ocean eyes, same chubby cheeks and boyish face. How someone totally unrecognizable, morphed into a version of the man that I both loved and despised. Don't get me wrong, Leon is a bastard- a no-good, psychotic, lunatic, who deserves to be behind bars for what he's put me through. Yet, I find myself thinking about how it would've played out... had that night never happened. Had it all simply been a bad dream in itself, would we have children by now, be married? Would he still be an officer, and I, a coroner's assistant... would we have left Raccoon City together or would we have died in the bombing?

  The clink of the glass brought my vision back. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were thinking about me.", Ryan's hands cupped around mine, his fingers laced between mine, pressed to the glass in my palm. "But your brows are so furrowed i think you'll gain permanent lines.", his head appeared in my line of vision, black brows raised as his smile was wide. That was Ryan, always so sweet and caring, always the hero and the calm man. He was everything and more, my heart clenched in my chest as his thumb pad brushed the area between my brows. His digit working at the tense muscle as i felt a deep sigh leave my lips.

  "He's not going to bother you. Not while i'm here, i can call some guys from the office. We can start checking into him and get a restraining order in place-", he spoke as if he already planned it in his head and I couldn't complain. Except, for the fact, that part of me saw him, the sweet shy rookie, in those heavy blue eyes. That the years didn't change him and that he was still the shy boy who came into my office to wait on a file all that time ago. That, maybe, just maybe... it had all been a nightmare, I got them more often than not, these days. The scar on my temple reminds me daily that he wasn't a dream, that i was in the claws of some dangerous, predatory wolf cramped into a small sheep's skin.

  "Would that be okay?", his words hit the side of my cheek, breath lingering with the scent of mint, probably from the ones he keeps in his front pocket. Another thing to draw the once blonde back into my mind. "Yeah.", it doesn't sound like me, a squeak from between my lips that doesn't sound confident in the slightest. "Yeah... that would be okay.", a soft nod to reassure him with my words. His eyes shine in an uncertain light, lips twitching with unspoken questions. It wasn't normal for me to drink anymore, I wanted to be in control of my body, never so vulnerable at the hands of another again, not even Ryan, despite how sweet he is, how caring and protective.

   I couldn't do it, be broken down again. Not by someone so close, a stranger's betrayal is expected, it doesn't hurt like a loved one's betrayal. The biggest betrayal of love, what a sick thing, love itself. We can't choose who our love goes to, or if it will ever be reciprocated. I love Ryan, I love the safety blanket he surrounds me in, the love he gives back to me... but Leon's "love" felt different. It was warm but in a way that was far too hot that it burnt, as if the heat within him came up to kiss my skin, leaving burning welts in its path. A path trailed in love and destruction, his heaviness was a weight so unmovable by my own strength. Ryan gives me the option to remove the heavy weighted blanket of his love, taking a breath for a moment before I cover myself back up in his presence.

  A kiss, so soft and tender to the crown of my head, his soft, pouty lips that touched the skin of my head with the most caring feeling. I could cry, my eyes burning as the pin pricks of a sob wailing down. "I love you, I have to handle this thing for work. I'll just be in my office, okay? Call out to me for anything.", he was so fucking sweet, like an ice cream cone that was begging for my tongue to swipe across. "Of course, have fun.", the small smirk tugged at my lips, an invisible string pulling the shape together as I gave a sigh laugh. "Oh, it's going to be a joy~", his hand waving as he walked into the office room.

  His steps pattering against the floor, until the door clicks and I feel the weight of the world fall back onto my shoulders. The thick feeling in my throat coming back as I swallow down another mouthful of the whiskey, the one he had before him in the bar. I didn't see the appeal, the more expensive stuff was much better.. then again, Leon was never very flashy. He didn't care about things like that. He was not what i thought he was, he was so different. A shy man and a psycho all in one, a sweet, precious lamb, begging for a hand to pet its head, then a raging wolf, ready to penetrate its prey with the sharp, ravenous teeth. I was the prey. I know that now, it never left my mind the way it felt to hear the sickening thud of my head against the floor, to hear the tile shatter under the amount of force that was behind the hit.

  A bit of alcohol threatened to come up, splashing the back of my throat with an angry sizzle. My phone vibrates off the table, the sound grating against my already tense mind. "Hey are you okay? You left so quick after Ryan came. What happened?"- Marina, i hadn't told her anything simply telling her to call Charlie and get him to find someone to cover my shift, mascara and eyeliner coating my cheeks as it did now, Ryan guiding me past her. "I know you're reading this. The guy at the bar asked me for your number. I didn't give it to him, just so you know. I know there's something you're hiding, but it's okay, you'll tell me when you're ready. Right?", I don't think I'd ever be ready to fill her in on what happened when I was 20, the years after that trying to calm myself and remind myself there's no flesh eating monsters after me, no craze-stricken man trying to kidnap me. "Right.", It was quick and to the point, I didn't want to linger on this anymore. I wanted to face him, then again, i didn't. What would i say? I saw him and started to cry, flash backs and memories, bittersweet to the mind's taste.

  The silence was deafening once the first thunder rolled through, causing the serene atmosphere to feel a little heavier. I didn't truly mind, rain was my favorite, and a constant in this town. It seems i couldn't get far from a rainy town. The glass between my fingers, slowly lowering in volume as the rim pressed to my lips. Against my willingness to forget, I wonder if he's out in the rain, if he's still drinking at the bar or shacked up in some hotel room? I'm angry to try and think about him anymore, it was probably a fluke- he wouldn't come 3k miles just to find me, right? 7 years is a long time, he probably found someone else while he was away. I was away.

  It's not that I find myself forgiving, because I don't, nor will I forgive him. I fought myself through the "you should be grateful you were captive for very long."'s, the "others have been kidnapped and died, you survived."'s and most important, the one i still let linger. "it's not as bad as you say, you just keep making it worse for yourself."'s... those linger in the hollow of my chest and come out on bad days, like today. It's like, I'm haunted by someone who still lives. He's alive, he's here, in Seattle. He's alive, he's been alive this entire time and he's okay... physically- he's okay. Some of my questions were angered then, some things gaining closure but the back of my mind thinks it's not a coincidence, no matter how much i try to fight back those feelings. It has to be, he can't- the glass hits the table as the first round of sobs fall from my lips.

  Arms covering my face, muffling the cries. It feels like I'm stuck in a deadly dance with a man who couldn't be nearly as horrific as I remember. I remember, but it was so quick, back then it felt slow... now i struggle to remember things. The red underwear, my red underwear... I thought about it while I was sitting in his home, the day he went to work. Those were mine. They had to be, his fucking "They're mine.", excuse was a load of bullshit. Just like everything else he ever said, leaving that morning to get breakfast... while he was doing, God knows, what to Mrs. Jones. This dance was deadly, like we're dancing apart, destined to eventually bump into each other and intertwine. Maybe, tonight was that bump, that intertwining moment that sealed our inevitable meeting again. He looked so different, if he hadn't had looked up, if he just fucking kept drinking away, i wouldn't have realized, i could continue in this fantasy life,  i'd created. The life, I love, Ryan, Marina, Charlie, our boss who likes to add a little to our checks for the bullshit we put up with. My apartment, it was so much nicer than the one from before, I don't miss that life i had before. I miss Rebecca, if only i knew if she survived. I think that part of me died that night, I died the night that Raccoon City went under and the man who loved me was whisked away into a government agency. It was a sorrowful moment, but it was destined for me. I wouldn't change it. As selfish as it is, I wouldn't change it. I'm a horrible person, it's horribly selfish and heartless but I can't find a single bit of regret for that day. I'd be doing, God knows, for a man who was willing to kill for me, it's so romantic in the books and movies, but to know i slept next to someone who didn't see how wrong it was to kill an elderly woman? The thoughts made me feel sick, imagining what he probably did, how he went about it. Rebecca never got the change to tell me how she went out, Leon definitely wasn't going to tell me.

 

  I must've missed the door steps echoing in the thunder filled apartment. Probably missed the door opening too, couldn't hear over my sobs as hands found their way around my waist, the stool slightly rocking as his weight pressed behind me. A shushing sound came from his lips, his hand traveling up the valley between my breast, palm caressing my jaw. His fingers are so warm, against the cold air that hit my tears. He was a gentle giant, something Leon never truly was... was it all a facade? something to get me closer, a trap? The thought sends another wracking sob through my chest, lungs expanding under his arm. "It's okay, now, my sweet girl. I'm here, you're safe and nothing's going to tear you away from me.", his words were calming, but nothing had a name, Leon Scott Kennedy and I knew deep down, now that the bunny was in the wolf's sight... the game had only just begun.

[alyssaswrld999]

I'm Broken And I Don't Want To Be Sammy

( Sam Winchester x Reader)

Warnings: deppression, suicidal thoughts, deep conversations, broken feelings, self harm, etc.

Y/n's pov:

I never looked at the world so differently until now. Never knew that I could go down into a pit of emotions that kill me every single day. To were it makes me feel that no one needs me anymore...

That no one will miss me...

That it's ok to leave this world behind...

"Y/n you okay" Sam asked. I look up at Sam getting out of my trace of thoughts. "Yeah I'm alright Sam" I said giving a decent smile. I look down and get back to researching our case. It seems we are dealing with a ghost of some sort which is never good.

"Listen to this according to the crime scenes and deaths that have happened in the past five years they all are near this old mental asylum at a 10 mile radius at least. And they are even killed the same way which is all suicide" Sam said.

Dealing with a case that involved ghosts used to make me sick to my stomach but now from the way I've been feeling for awhile it doesn't bother me much anymore. The fate I seek lately by any paranormal creature now is just plain and simple its just becoming the term "it is what it is".

"So it sounds like we could have ghost possession?" I said. "I think Y/n's right because we did have a case similar to this before" Dean added. Sam closed his laptop and looked at Dean. "Well then let's go check it out" Sam said.

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We finally make it to Louisiana and arrive at a motel for the night. "I'm gonna go get a drink I'll see you guys in the morning" Dean said. I rolled my eyes and got out of the impala and made my way towards the motel door of our room. "Always Dean leaving at the worst moments" I thought.

Sam's pov:

"I'm gonna go get a drink I'll see you guys in the morning" Dean said. After Dean said that Y/n gets out of the car and she seems angry. Also including the fact that she didn't grab her bag. "Hey uh do you think Y/n is acting strange" Dean asked.

I looked at Dean and back to the motel door. "Yeah I do I mean she's been acting strange for a couple of weeks" I answered. I was worried about her she just seemed numb as if she couldn't feel anything of a happy thought.

"Well just make sure to keep an eye on her while I'm gone. Maybe talk to her I don't know Sammy. We don't need to lose anyone else" Dean said. I nodded my head and got out of the impala and went to the trunk. "I just hope she's gonna be ok" I thought.

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Y/n's pov:

I enter the motel room and it wasn't as bad as some we have stayed in before. It was different because it was more "Country Life" themed. There was even a cow picture on the wall.

"Never thought I would seen a more beautiful room" I thought. This room sorta gave me peace for now which is more peace that I've felt in awhile. Sure it doesn't fully help me feel better but it's still comforting.

As I go into the motel bathroom Sam entered. "Y/n I'm gonna put your bag on one of the beds" Sam said. I peek out of the bathroom and looked to see Sam's back facing me. "Thanks Sam" I said.

Sam turned around and seen me for a second before I went back into the bathroom. He seemed concerned but I couldn't worry about the way he feels right now.

I close the bathroom door and I look at myself in the mirror. There was bags under my eyes and it looks like I haven't slept in days. I mean technically I haven't wanted to eat anything or sleep. Haven't even really eaten a proper meal in five days.

"Why would Sammy want me as his girlfriend?" I thought. I've done things and I just feel that eventually both Dean and Sam won't want me around anymore. I keep having dreams of everyone even Castiel saying that "I'm horrible", "I need to die", etc.

As I get out of my trace of thoughts I look down to wash my face. As I look up again Lucifer was beside me. I then froze and couldn't move from where I was. "Hi Y/n" Lucifer said with a grin on his face.

"Why are you here why now why are you bothering me" I asked. Lucifer just smiles at me then walks towards me. "I'm just here to talk to you I mean technically I'm your only friend at this moment isn't that right" Lucifer said.

I look away and then look down at my hands. "No your not real get out of my head" I said. Lucifer laughs as if I was joking. "No what I think you need to do Y/n is give in to how you feel. Sam and Dean are tired of protecting you. There tired of you being a pathetic waste of a hunter" Lucifer said.

I shook my head and I covered my ears to ignore what he was telling me. "Leave me alone just leave me alone" I mumbled. "As you wish Y/n I'll leave you be for now at least" Lucifer said then dissappered.

I look around to see Lucifer was gone but I still had this weird feeling. I open the bathroom door to go and grab an outfit and some of my toiletries. As I walk back I noticed Sam wasn't in the motel room.

Then I seen a note on the table beside his laptop. "Y/n I went to go a get us something to eat I'll be back soon -Sam". Well that's good because it gives me time to be alone. I enter the bathroom and turn on the shower.

I grab my phone and start to play "Behind Blue Eyes". This should ease off on how I'm feeling for a bit and it's also a good song to.

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man...

I just wanted to feel peace and not feel empty. I just wanted to feel happy again with Sam and Dean. But lately I've just felt this way because of everything with Crowely, Castiel, etc.

To be the sad man behind blue eyes...

I just want to be normal again and not broken. I'm tired of feeling like everything is my fault. Castiel losing his grace, Crowley trying to kill Sam and Dean, Lucifer tormenting Sam.

And no one knows what its like to be hated...

I just don't want to wake up one day and be told that everyone hates me. That I don't deserve to be happy with the people I love the most.

To be fated to telling only lies...

But what if this is all a lie? I keep secrets away from Sam and Dean so they won't worry about me. Especially about Lucifer speaking to me and tormenting me.

But my dreams, they aren't as empty...

I just want to feel better and the only way is to do the thing that isn't ok. I open my makeup bag and pull out my raiser. I take the blade and hold it In my hand.

I then roll up my sleeve and cut. I don't know how many times I did but it just kept going....

As my conscience seems to be...

All I see is blood and I then stop what I'm doing. There is now 28 new cuts on my arm. And I felt horrible and at peace in a non-normal comforting way.

I strip out of my clothing and then step inside the shower to clean off all the dirt and nature off my body. I haven't showered in days and I finally have the chance to do now.

I have hours, only lonely...

I felt alone and I just couldnt get that off my mind. I love Sam and Dean and I care about them. I just can't let then see me like this.

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Sam's pov:

As Y/n went to the bathroom I decided to go and get us something to eat. I can tell she hasn't been herself lately and when I would try and talk to her about it she would push me away.

I can't force her to talk because I don't wanna make her feel forced to do anything. I just don't want her to hurt.

I left a note on the table to let her know where I was going so she wouldn't worry or anything. I just don't want her to ever think that I'm gonna leave her.

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Y/ns pov:

After 20 minutes I finally got done taking a shower and I put my new pair of clothes on. Which was a brown Tennesse long sleeved pajama shirt and a pair of Sam's boxers.

I remember the first time I took these boxers and weared them in front of Sammy. He was happy and thought it was cute so he let me keep them.

It brought me a comforting feeling and it made me forget what I did earlier to my arm. I just don't want Sam to notice what I've done. And I don't feel like getting yelled at by both Dean and Sam for this.

I noticed that my phone turned off and it stopped the song that was playing. I clicked the play button and it continues where it left off.

My love is vengeance that's never free...

No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings...

Like I do, and I blame you...

No one bites back as hard on their anger...

I grab my hairbrush and start brushing my hair while the song continues to play. It was almost over anyway so why not listen to it.

None of my pain and woe can show through...

But my dreams, they arent as empty...

Then suddenly the motel door opens and I heard a plastic bag rustle. "Sams back" I thought. I finally get done brushing my hair and I turn off the song.

I make sure I look ok and I walk out of the bathroom. "Hey Sammy" I said. Sam looks up and smiles at me. "Hey beautiful I just got back and I got us Chinese food" Sam said holding up the bags of food.

I gave him a big smile and I walk over to him. When I get in front of Sam I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Hey what's this for" Sam said. I moved my face more into his chest and I held on for dear life. Eventually Sam puts the food down and hugs me back. "Hey sweetheart whats wrong" Sam asked. I then just broke down.

I started crying and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I'm broken.. and I don't want to be sammy" I mumbled. Sam then picked me up and held me in his arms. I wrapped my legs around him and just held onto him.

"Y/n talk to me sweetheart please I need you to tell me what's wrong" Sam pleaded. I pull away and look at Sam. "I've just been feeling not myself lately... I wanna tell you everything but I don't want you to leave me Sam" I said.

Sam looked at me and paused. He looked as if I was crazy and joking. "Y/n I'm never gonna leave you I love you to much and I would never do that to you" Sam said.

"I love you to Sammy"