#couldn't even go back to sleep to give myself a good dream

[princessmaeee]

All for Us Part VI _ Final Part Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

Hello Sweeties ! So as I saw in the votes, you asked for this L A S T par of this story, so there it is ! It's not that long cause I didn't had much to say. I just wanted to do a beautiful and simple end cause I think both deserve it. It wasn't a long Story, but it was long compare to everything I wrote in the last years and I'm proud of myself ! I realised later than the title is kinda bad cause I just made a bad translation from the french but the good title should be '' Everything for Us '' but I will let it like it is cause, Why not. My first Fanfiction in years, my first fanfiction I finishied since my highschool years ( 11 years at least ) and my first published Smut in Years too. Overall I'm proud of myself and I wish I will do more other stories and I hope to be able to finish them all. Thanks to everyone who followed and Love this story. I hope to see you again for other ones !

Tags : @private-vampire - @rafesbunniebby - @ultracoolnobody @chxrrybomb22

You didn't remember what happened after you voted to go home. It was the majority of you. You remembered Thanos voting X too, but after the light off, everything was fuggy. When you opened your eyes, you were on the dirty ground where you were picked when you joined the game. You had a blindfold, well you guessed it was it, who had felt it on your neck. Your feets and wrists were tied up and you could feel the cold breeze of the night. Those bastards let you in underwear in the middle of a street. Luckily for you, You noticed your clothes close to you and after a moment, trying to untie your wrist, you quickly do the same for your legs before putting on your clothes. 

Your phone was in the pocket of your sweater and of course, it ran out of energy. Your apartment keys were still in your jean’s pocket. 

You felt tired and durty. A good bath and 24h hours of sleep is going to be well deserved, but first, you need to check on something.

You go to the nearest convenient store and put your card in the ATM to take a look at your account. Your heart was racing in your chest. What if it was just a dream ? What if they lied ? 

Even if you didn't felt right to be happy, you couldn't stop smiling when you noticed the big amount of money you had in your account. Tears of joy appeared in your eyes, slowly cascading on your cheeks. Finally, The suffering and anxiety will be over. A hand on your stomach, you smiled at it.

«-I promise, You gonna have a beautiful Life…»

Once you got home, as you expected, the door locks were smashed. The guys who were chasing you for money probably entered the apartment while you weren't there.

Stressed, you opened the door and you felt sad to notice how everything was destroyed. This didn't look nice anymore, but you still have to stay there, at least until you could join Thanos or even that guy who messed up your apartment to give him the money. 

Plugging your phone to the charger, you start to clean around as much as you can. 

After a moment, when your house was clean enough for the energy you had, you go back to your phone and noticed a lot of unread messages from the guy who landed you money. Unsure, you text him back a simple ; I have your money. Let meet up Tomorrow.

You also get a Message, well, many, from Thanos. He seemed anxious about you and the baby.

“-Had you made it home yet ? “ -23h07 “-You can come to my place if you want “ 23h12 “-Or I can come over “ -23h13 “-Princess Are you all right ?” -23h20 “-I Got the money from the game. I can send you some if you want. “ -23h22 “-I know your debts are all my fault anyway…”-23h22 “-Seniorita Please answer me. Are you alright ? Is the baby’s fine ??!! ”-23h25 “-If I don't get an answer I'm going to show up at your place ! “-23h33 “-Okey I'm coming !! ” -23h45

You looked at the time : 23h55.  You smiled and answered him 

“-I'm fine, my phone Ran out of power. No need to come over. Go at your place and rest “ - 23h56 “-I want to rest with You. Gonna bring snack. What do you want ? Ice Cream and Pinault butter ?”-23h58 “-Im Fine!! And of course Not, I don't have  any weird pregnancy cravings. “-00h00 “-Not Yet ;) Anyway, still on my way…with snacks”-00h08

Your smile never left your face. Thanos was always really caring with you but somehow you feel like it was different this time, like he really made an effort and it made you happy.

When he arrived, he opened the door as you were still cleaning up the apartment. He looked around, visibly confused by all the mess around.

«-What happened here ? »

You explained to him the problems you got cause of your debts who’s also his or cause of him. Thanos felt bad you had to go traught all this cause of his addiction and helped you to clean as much as possible. Once everything was less messy, you both enjoyed some Snacks he bring and that’s when you realised how hungry you were. He bought you some of your favorite Ramen, chips and little cake. 

He also gave you an envelope with money. It was the exact amount you need to give to the guy you will meet tomorrow. He apologized and insisted you keep it. You felt touched by this and accepted his money.

«-I really want you to keep the money you get from the game for our child. And for Yourself, of course.  -What about your own debts ? -I will figure it out. And I still have some left so don’t worry about me. I want to go back to music and earn money of my own. I want to make you and our child proud. And for something else… -Something else ? Like what ? A home ? It's pretty expensive. -Well, not for a home, but it could be a plan for later. The other thing dépend more on your decision. -which is ? »

You both were sitting on your bed and Thanos got up  to kneel in front of you, gently taking your hand in his. You looked at him, breathtaking. Your heart stops beating for a second before it starts to beat faster. You could feel your eyes feeling with water.

«- Y/N would you accept to be my wife ? »

You were too shocked to answer. Tears flowing from your eyes as you just quickly nod  your head. It wasn't the romantic scene you always dream of, but coming from Su Bong it was the most romantic thing he ever did. Even if you were both exhausted, still in debts and even if you didn’t have a Ring for you, yet, this moment felt the happiest of your life. You throw yourself in his arms, still crying as you repeat ‘’ Yes ! ‘’ Again and again. Su Bong smiled and held you close, gently caressing your hair.

«-My dear and Beautifull Wife, He said before kissing you. »

This relationship with him was a total rollercoaster of emotion, but your love for each other was just too strong to let you away from each other. Faith does good things, sometimes.

The next day goes well, you got rid of your debts, Thanos started to go to therapy to avoid touching drugs again, so did you.

You moved In together, he worked on new music, new songs, starting to slowly go back on stage while you went back to school. You dropped one year ago but you chose an option you really like. It wasn’t easy with the pregnancy and Had to do a lot of school classes and take more time.

Life with your Now, fiancé wasn’t alway easy. When he felt the side effect of always being sober you fighted a lot, but at the end He apologies and you were understanding considering all the efforts he did for you, the baby and your relationship. Sometime, you fucked to avoid fighting or when Su bon needed a big high. He said you were his new addiction and even dedicated you to a song where He talks about how much He loves you and how you changed his life.

Eventually, you gave birth to a beautiful Daughter. Su bon said once he really would like to have a boy, but when He hold his little baby daughter in his arms for the first time, he almost cried and didn't let go of her. He quickly became over protective with her. He also wrote a song about her and it became a great hit. That’s how He were able to afford your engagement ring.

Your life goes back on track and you feel happy despite what you had been taught with the game. You and Su Bong got a matching tattoo with the number you were during the game as a sort of memorial for the ones who died in there but also as a reminder to yourself to be careful with your money and every decision you will take, cause you never want to live an experience like that ever again.

[blue-lollipops-and-ice-clouds]

Woke up from a teaching nightmare that just had every one of my experiences from the last five years of teaching just thrown into one. So way worse than ones I've had before. Panic attack for a good few minutes followed by a now constant headache followed by currently going to reddit while crying and finding out this is pretty common even after quitting.

[slut4nicholas]

𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙎𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇 𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙍 | 𝙉𝙄𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙇𝘼𝙎 𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙓𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀𝙕

a/n: I'm currently awake at 4 am and unable to sleep ive been having some thoughts that I needed to release, and writing this is helping me feel better. this is my first time writing something explicit, so I apologize if it's not the best. please forgive any grammar mistakes. i hope you enjoy reading it. <3

summary: you are searching for a personal trainer and come across an online ad. after calling the trainer, he arranges a session at his home gym. things start to take a spicy turn between the two of you.

warning: smut! 18+ oral (m receiving), spanking, getting manhandled, fingering, pet names like “doll, babygirl” squirting, praising, degrading, rough!!

˖⋆࿐໋

when you move to california to pursue your dream of becoming a model or influencer, you leave behind your family, job, and friends. unfortunately, the move also means leaving behind your favorite place: the gym.

many label me a gym rat, but I simply embrace my love for the discipline it brings and the amazing confidence it gives me in everything I wear.

in the evening, while browsing through tiktok , i suddenly felt a wave of boredom. i let out a sigh, turned off my phone, and began searching for an engaging activity. normally, in situations like this, i would change into my favorite workout attire and head to the gym. however, as i am not at home, i need to find a gym or a personal trainer of my own in this new location.

i opened my macbook and started searching for personal trainers in my new area. I came across a profile of a man who seems to have a lot of experience in the gym and is conveniently located nearby. i must admit, he looks delicious. i decided to message him to arrange a meeting and inquire about his session rates. he responded promptly with his pricing and availability, and it turns out he's available tomorrow morning. as we exchanged goodbyes over text, my mind couldn't help but focus on meeting him in person. if I'm already feeling this way based on some online pictures, i can only imagine how I'll feel when we meet face to face.

i wake up suddenly to the sound of my alarm. as i pick up my phone, i see that it's 5:30. the familiar feeling of nervousness churns in my stomach as i realize that I'm in a new city, about to meet someone new. i made sure to wake up extra early just to ensure that i look my best.

after my shower, i breeze through my skincare routine and add a touch of mascara and some lip balm. I'm just heading to the gym, so nothing too over-the-top, i tell myself. i apply a light moisturizing lotion and a spritz of my favorite perfume. i slip into my matching black bra and thong, then into my sleek all-black workout set with cute black leggings and a fitted black tee. i slide on my nike socks and lace up my new balance 574’s. i brush my hair and secure it with a stylish claw clip, still debating whether to leave it down or tie it up. I'll make up my mind in the uber.

i send him a text to inform him that I'm on my way to the location he had sent me. he reads the message but doesn't reply. oh well, I'm on my way already.

as we pull into his driveway, i can't help but notice how stunning his house is. i wonder what he does for work; being in california, he must be wealthy or famous. i tip my uber driver in cash, thanking him for the ride, and he wishes me luck. I'm definitely going to need it.

i grab my phone out but before i can send him a text i hear a whistle which caught my attention i looked up seeing him standing next to his front door i can’t help but check him out and oh my goodness he’s more attractive in person i can just rip his clothes off right here and there but i have to remain calm im not here for that.

he is wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, with a gold chain around his neck. his hair is lightly stuck to his forehead, indicating that he had a workout before I arrived.

“hey there” he smiles and waves signaling me to come in with his hand

i smile back and step into his house him standing behind me the whole time closing the door and walking towards me

"I'm nicholas, I'm your trainer. It's nice to meet you." oh my, his smile. his smile. his smile. I'm going to fold, i know I am, but I have to keep my calm. i don't even know him. i don't know if he's single or even married.

“hi, i’m y/n” i take his hand shaking it lightly

"come on, don't be shy," he takes us to his gym and confidently sits down on a bench, gesturing for me to sit next to him with a wave of his hand.

so demanding already.

“so tell me a little bit about yourself, i know you told me you just moved here but what’s the reason for the move and why are you looking for a trainer?” he asked curiously.

“well, i moved here to cali so it’ll be easier for me to achieve some of my goals, i have some experience in the gym but i really feel like ill learn a lot more with a trainer if that makes any sense” you smile shyly causing nicholas to chuckle a little.

“no need to be shy sweetie im here to help you you already look great im sure you’ll do a great job” i cross my legs just at the sound of his voice saying those loving praises, oh i need him so bad.

he notices but tries not to make it so obvious he grabs his water bottle taking a sip and putting down standing up tapping the side of my thigh gently “come on let’s get started”.

we begin with some easy stretches to warm up before the actual run. i couldn't help but notice that he mostly stood there, watching, instead of actively instructing and guiding me, which did bother me a bit.

“do an extended puppy pose for me” i look up at him and he just winks OH. he knows what he’s doing so i decide to play along as well.

as i get on all fours getting ready to get in the pose arching my back a little i can see nicholas from the side of my eye starting so hard i can’t help but silently giggle to myself.

“am i doing this good enough nicholas?? how’s my arch looking” he chuckles at my words a little.

“oh you’re doing so good y/n, you look amazing but i think you need a little help here” he comes down next to me getting on his knees right behind my ass and pushing my arch down so my stomach is hitting the floor beneath me.

“just like that?” I question.

“just like that, good girl” those words sent shivers down my spine i let out a soft sigh.

“what’s the matter sweetie?” he questioned.

i shake my head not responding to him “can we just do the next exercise?” i get on my knees so i can stand up but he comes in front of me putting one hand on my shoulder keeping me on my knees.

“let’s do some leg spreads i’ll help and guide you”.

i lay on the mat on my back and nicholas gets down on his knees again grabbing one of my legs bending it back a little.

“let’s start of slow sweetie i don’t want to hurt you”.

after doing a couple of reps nicholas stops and can’t help but notice something.

he chuckled “someone’s excited?”.

“what?” i ask not getting exactly what he’s talking about.

he spreads my leg a little further back.

“you’re so wet you’ve leaked through your panties it’s all on those leggings of yours”.

“i-im so sorry i-“ he cut me off.

“don’t worry about it doll, im having way more fun than you could possibly imagine” he bends down to kiss me and i went full in, tongue and everything.

after a few minutes of us making out he rips open my leggings with his bare hands which caused me to throw my head back and lightly groan, his eyes burning into my skull the whole time. never once taking those beautiful brown eyes off of me.

he pulls my panties to the side.

grabbing my mouth harshly “open and spit”.

i did as told, he sticks them in my mouth reaching the back of my throat causing to me gag.

he laughed and smiled “think you take all of my dick in there huh babygirl?”.

he pulled my panties to the side and started playing with me lightly flicking the clit and switching between fingering me and playing with my clit.

the groans escaping his mouth seemed a little animalistic like he hasn’t touched a woman in a very long time he’s eager and i can tell he wants to fuck me into the ground literally. 

“mmm you’re so fucking wet, you’ve been excited since you got here hm? or was it those photos i sent you last night that has you like this for me? horny and ready to get fucked by her trainer? it’s only day one babygirl and here you are legs spread open pussy juice dripping all over my fucking fingers, what am i going to do with you”.

i moan loudly his words. his actions. the sounds. everything just feels and sounds so fucking good i didn’t want him to stop.

“oh im gonna come” i felt the urge to release the feeling you get in your stomach when you know your going to cum and go crazy “please dont stop nicholas”.

“such a fucking good girl” he kept pumping his big thick fingers in and out of me which caused me to release all over his gym floor.

“oh shit baby, look at you fuck” he says rubbing my clit on a fast pace, i grabbed his hand trying to get him to stop since it feels way to good to handle.

“please” he grabs my face and kisses me harshly shoving his tongue all down my throat saliva dripping down in between the both of us.

“come on take this off” he removes my shirt and bra taking off what’s rest of the leggings throwing it somewhere in the gym.

he takes his shirt and sweats off leaving him completely exposed no boxers or anything on, he knew what he wanted to do.

“come on baby get on your knees let’s see if you can fit this dick all in that pretty mouth of yours, gagging on two fingers. that’s pathetic sweetheart you got to do better than that”.

i get on my knees and take his member into my hand lightly kissing and licking his desperate throbbing dick leaking pre cum everywhere, i quickly take my tongue and clean up the mess he made.

“now this is a great mouth exercise for you pretty you’ll love it” he laughs and i roll my eyes member still in my mouth looking up at him not breaking eye contact.

“oh come on” he pushes my head down taking his whole dick into my mouth repeatedly touching the back of my throat i tap and grab on his thighs signaling i needed to breath and catch my breath, he threw his head back in pleasure looking back down grabbing my hair and pulling me off of his dick.

“told you you couldn’t take it”

“mmm stop let me do it” i pout he reaches his hand and cups my cheek and caressing my hair rubbing circles on the top of my head.

i grab his dick taking him all in and taking him out grabbing it and lightly jerking him off, as i continue to jerk him off i suck off what’s left that i couldn’t fit in my mouth.

“mm fuck”

“just like that baby”

“such a good fucking girl for me”

i take him in once again feeling him twitch making sure he’s hitting the back of my throat so i can swallow all of his sweet juices.

he grabs my hair making it into a makeshift ponytail fucking my face at the perfect pace for him, he looks so good he can just take control and do what he wants at this point.

i feel him twitch again which means he’s super close this time he didn’t let me go he made sure he stayed in the back of my throat resting his cock in my mouth while he released all inside of my mouth.

“swallow that shit baby be a good fucking girl for me”

oh boy, this is just the first session i wonder what’s going to happen next time.

˖⋆࿐໋



[rafesslxt]

Showerhead 2 | mattheo riddle

pt. 2 — you can find pt. 1 here

summary: after you and mattheo had some fun in the shower, you two can‘t stop thinking about each other and that night. But who gives in first to sin again after a little jealousy?

words: 5,1k

warnings: heavy dirty talk again, cursing, making out, dry humping, teasing, controlling, praising, bj, unprotected p in v, shower, swallowing, legilimency (mind reading),

note: you don‘t have to read part 1 for this part but have fun if you want to

— in the great hall —

After that night in the shower 2 weeks ago, I couldn‘t stop thinking about it. I dreamed about it in my sleep, daydreamed about it in class and lunch while Hermione talked about some book we needed to read to understand everything in potions.

I hated it but everytime we crossed paths, he winked at me and I couldn't help myself but start blushing. As soon as I saw his face, I saw it between my legs.

"Y/n? Are you even listening?" Hermione says and shakes me a litte at my shoulder. "What? Yeah yeah of course, I'm gonna read it." They all look at each other before their eyes are on me again. "We were actually talking about how Cormac seems to have quite interest in you." Harry then continues.

I start laughing loud, looking at them as If each of them has 3 heads." What the hell are you talking about?" "Told ya she's not listening.." Ron says, raising his eyebrows as he bites into his toast.

"I thought he‘s interested in Hermione?" I ask as my laughter calms down a bit. "Harry heard him talking about how he would - well.. do certain things to you." My amused face turns into a disgusting one as I hear what Ron says.

"Yeah and guess who‘s got an invention to Slughorn‘s dinner?" Hermione says with raised eyebrows.

Ron looks at her shoked. "What?? That prick got one and I didn‘t?"

"Oh god no.." a few days ago Harry, Hermione and myself got an invention to tonights Slughorn‘s dinner for his favorite students. ".. but wait, how do you know who‘s coming?" I ask her. "I just asked him after the last lesson of potions. It‘s Neville, Ginny, Blaise Zabini, Mattheo Riddle, Corma –" "Mattheo Riddle?" I ask her shocked, looking at her with wide eyes.

I would see him again? Like.. this close and with people around us? My mind is racing as Hermione answers. "Yeah well, you know he‘s really smart and good in potions." "And he has an interest in special students and Mattheo is.. well – special." Harry comments.

Ron snorts and talks with a full mouth. "Mh yeaw hiff fatha was "speschal".

Hermione rolls his eyes at his full mouth and looks at me again. "Why are you so suprised by his name?" she asks me a little suspicious. " oh uh- just suprised, i always thought Mattheo is uh - not interested in things like that."

"Why would chou think about wat Mattheo is-" "Ron just eat and shut up!" I snap at him making the other two widen their eyes a bit.

I collect my things and stand up from the table. "I‘m gonna go to.. god i don‘t know I‘m gonna go." I say, walking off before they can answer. Because it‘s the weekend I luckily don‘t have classes today. I don‘t think I could concentrate in one of them after the information I just got. God why him? Why me? Maybe I can say I feel sick.. no he would know. I can‘t back down.

I walk down a hall, not thinking where I am going and suddenly crash into something hard but not as hard as a wall. My book and writing stuff falls to the ground and I look up, staring right into the face of Mattheo.

My brain went blank in this monent. "What princess? Aren‘t you happy to see me?" he grins down at me before he gets down and picks up my stuff. "Hm I remember a similar moment, same position." He smiles even more when he sees my red cheeks and not talking mouth. As he gives me my stuff he presses his mouth to my ear and whispers "I‘m looking forward to tonight" And with that, he‘s gone.

I‘m so fucked.

— at the evening —

" Do you know what you‘re wearing?" I ask Hermione while I put on some makeup. I hear her sigh and she goes "yeah I have this one dress I really like. What about you?" I shake my head as I search for my lipliner. " Not really, but I have enough dresses so I‘ll find something." Hermione laughs at my comment as she pulls out her dress and changes into it.

After I‘m done with my makeup and hair, I walk over to my closet, looking for a nice dress.

"What about this one? It would fit perfectly for the occasion." She says as she pulls out a dress of mine. It is long and black, with cute little arms on it. "It‘s pretty but I want something.. else." As i go trough my clothes I think about Mattheo again and what would impress him. God I need to stop it.

"Well what are you looking for?" "Hmm something likeee.. this." It‘s perfect. It‘s short but not too short, i know it sits beautifully on me and.. it‘s green.

(imagine something like this but in some green tone and longer so it‘s more school approved)

Hermione raises her eyebrows and looks at me. "Are you sure? Isn‘t it a little too.. party?" I love her for how she always chose her words wisely and with a knowledge for not hurting and judging people. I know what she meant but she would never think about judging me. Even when I put my clothes on she wouldn‘t pick, she makes me feel great in them.

"Yeah, I‘m sure." I smile, putting it on. When I look into the mirror I smile even more, thinking about how Mattheo will react seeing me in it.

As the time comes we take our purses and walk outside our dorms, meeting Harry and Ron in the common room. "You both look great." Harry tells us like the gentlemen he is but Ron just scans me like a little hater and looks at me. "Isn‘t that a little too flashy?" "Ron!" Hermione hits him on the shoulder.

"Don‘t be mad at what you can‘t have Ronald." I say grinning and winking at him before I link my arm into Harry‘s with Hermione doing the same on his right side.

We walked through Hogwarts, towards the dinner and the closer we got the more my heart started beating as If I‘m running a marathon.

I open the door in front of us after taking one last deep breath and walk inside with my two friends.

Everyone was already there, seated perfectly. "Oh hello you three! I‘m so glad you made it. Please choose a seat and get comfortable." Professor Slughorn greets us. I always liked him, even tho many say he‘s a little weird sometimes but I think thats exactly what I do like about him.

As I walk towards an empty seat, I scan the table, looking at Mattheo when I found him but his eyes were already on my dress.

Quickly I look away, seeing that Cormacs eyes were on me too which made me gag a little.

But god Mattheo looks so good. He wears a simple white shirt with a black tie and black slacks. Damn what I would give to ride his thigh in these – "Y/n you‘re staring." Hermione whispers into my ear, making me realise i stared right at Mattheo, but to my suprise he‘s still looking, not breaking eye contact for a second.

I gulp and look away, feeling my cheeks getting warm. God I hate it so much what kind of affect he has on me. I can‘t be the only one..

Wait. I‘m a woman. I can definitely tease him and make him feel the same.

The dinner goes on, nothing special besides Ginny who came in crying. Definitely have to ask her with Hermione about that later in detail.

As desert comes I look around the table, meeting Cormacs eyes. He licks of some ice cream from his fingers and wiggles his eybrows at me. Oh god I think I‘m gonna throw up.

As soon as I can I look away to Mattheo who was giving Cormac one of his death stares. Interesting.

I don‘t really know why i think it‘s a good idea but i do think it is. So I lean back a little, presenting the low cut at the front of my chest. I see Mattheo‘s eyes flicker to my chest and so do Cormac‘s but Mattheo‘s eyes switch back really fast to Cormac and give him a second glare. Really interesting.

I smile triumphal and lean a bit forwards again, pressing my boobs together this time. Instantly I get a headache but a really intense one. I hiss in pain which makes Harry look at me worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just got an really bad headache.“ i whisper back, wondering what it caused.

Soon the dinner was over and everyone thanked Slughorn for the invitation. "I‘ll stay and try to figure out what that missing memory of Slughorn‘s is." Harry whispers to us before staying behind.

My headache got a bit better but It still didn‘t go away. As we walked trough the door I said to Hermione and Ginny "You guys go to the common room, I‘ll follow. I just wanna get some advil from Miss Pomfrey.“ They nod and tell me that they will go into Ginny‘s room to talk more privately.

It‘s already late and a bit after curfew but Professor Slughorn told us he made sure we would get in no trouble If someone sees us.

I rub my head slighty, trying to ease the pain on my way but nothing helped.

Then, out if nowhere a hand slaps over my mouth and a arm wraps around me, pressing me against a body. I scream into the hand, trying to get myself free until I see who the hand and arm belongs to.

"You didn‘t think I would let you go off that easily in that little dress of yours huh?“ Mattheo breathes against my face as it was only a few inches away from mine.

He slowly takes his hand away from my mouth, letting me speak. "What do you mean?" I ask and try the innocent act but he doesn‘t buy it.

"Oh princess, princess, princess. You can‘t fool me. I know that you wore this excuse of an dress for me. Fuck and also in my house color's? That‘s no fucking coincidence."

I gulp at his words and the fact that he knows who I wore it for. There‘s not even a single chance for me to lie. "And what If I did wore it for someone else?" Only one way and that‘s to push his last buttons. Oh how I wanted to push that buttons until –

"Someone else, yeah? Then who was it for?" "Cormac." As soon as his name left my mouth I regretted it. I see his jaw clenching and his grin fading. "Cormac yeah? So you didn‘t thought about me the whole dinner?" I slowly shake my head no, not daring to move now.

"So you‘re wet for him right now? Not me?" "What? I‘m not–" but as soon as I move my legs I feel it too. Shit. When I only look up at him his grin comes back.

"Yeah that‘s what I thought.. so why don‘t we skip this bullshit and you come with me?" Before I can even answer him, he takes my hand and pulls me trough the corridors, towards the Slytherin common room. " Mattheo I can't-" "Shut up." he hisses and whispers something under his breath so the doors to his common room would open.

"Can't fucking believe you pulled such a show in front of that stupid dick." he growled quietly before we reach his dorm. I start smiling as I see he's getting mad at the fact that Cormac saw me in that dress. "T'fuck you smiling about huh?"

As we enter his room I notice that there is only one bed which makes me wonder. "Don't you have a roommate?" "No, I have my own room." I scoff at his answer and look around his room. It has a big bed beside the window of the room and a little nightstand beside it. On the other side of the room is a big couch and a armchair.

But before I could think about it any further, he pulls me into his lap, face towards his, after he sat down on the armchair. "You know, you could have just told me If you missed me princess. Didn't need to dress all up for me." He puts his hands on my hips, grabbing them tightly.

I roll my eyes at him and act as If I didn't already enjoy his touch. "Didn't miss you." I say, looking away from him. He chuckles and pulls my face back to his with his fingers on my chin. "Are you sure?" I only nod and look into his brown eyes. They look so dark without any light in the room, that they send even more shivers down my spine than usual.

"Is your head better? Still in any pain?" he asks me grinning. "Yeah they-" wait. I never told him about my headache. Or could he hear when I told Hermione and Ginny? Or when Harry asked me at dinner?

His hands slowly wander down to my tights were my dress slowly rose up and placed them there, squeezing my flesh lightly. I felt his breath on my neck, giving me goosebumps. "It's gotten better, right?" he asks again. His lips ghosted over my skin, making me bite my lip.

"How do you know?" I ask him in a whisper. "I know everything that goes through your pretty little mind baby."

I tried to figure out what he meant by that but I couldn't concentrate with his hands on my skin and his lips almost against my neck. I need him so much.

"What baby, can't concentrate? Too much for you already?" he coos and finally kisses my neck, nibbling on the skin between his lips.

I can't believe how easy he gets under my skin with his kisses and whispers, not even doing anything. " I know you dreamed about me these last two weeks, thought about me at every chance you got. In class, in the shower, wishing it was me who touched you." he groaned against my throat.

My eyebrows squeeze together at his words. " How would you know that?" "Did you never wonder why your head always hurted at the same times?" I gasp and pull my neck away from him. " Are you reading my mind?" my eyes go wide as he just smiles at me sheepishly. Oh my god, no. This can't be. He's not allowed to know all these private thoughts.

"You don't know how hard it was for me to stay away and wait until you would come back to me but you little minx didn't and after tonight.. I couldn't just let you slip away from me again."

"Y-you can't do that Mattheo. That's not allowed. These are my thoughts." "I know baby but I couldn't help myself after that night in the shower. You were like a dream coming true so submissive and responsive to me. Fuck I'm already getting hard just thinking about it. But you understand I didn't have a chance, right? I couldn't risk you thinking about someone else then me."

He slowly pulled my dress up, exposing my tights and underwear. "God are you for real? Did you plan this?" he groans as he sees my matching set, a dark green lingerie set.

He pulls me closer to him, looking deep into my eyes.

"Ride my thigh." he commands and puts his hands back on my hips. "What?" I ask, looking at him dumbfounded. " It's my thigh or nothing. I'm not helping you getting off this time." I look at him with my mouth hanging open in shock. How could he be so cruel?

"C'mon, ride it baby I know you thought about it at dinner." My cheeks got red as he mentioned that. He dips his head towards my neck again and starts covering it in wet kisses. "Don't test my patience, love." he whispers and tightens his grip on my hips, moving them slowly. I gasp at the sudden friction.

"Feels good, right?" I only nod, closing my eyes as I start to move my hips in circles against his thigh. I feel so dirty doing this but at the same time it feels so good to finally get the friction I needed the last weeks again.

I feel my clit rubbing against my underwear, making me whimper and move my hips faster. "Fuck, look at you. I thought you were desperate back in the shower but now you're just getting yourself off on my thigh like a dirty little whore." I moaned at his words combined with his kisses on my skin. His lips went lower, first towards my collarbones, then further down to my chest.

I feel one hand of him wander to my underwear and pushing it to the side so my bare pussy rubbed against the material of his pants. I whine at the feeling, my hands grabbing his broad shoulders. " Oh my god. I'm so close Mattheo." He laughs wickedly against my chest, pushing down my dress so it hangs at the middle of my body. His mouth wanders to my bra, unclasping it with one hand behind my back.

"You're so beautiful baby, never ever am I waiting two weeks again for that." he growls and starts massaging my boobs and playing with my sensitive nipples.

I arch my back, shivers run down my spine at his touch. The grinding get's more and more intense. "Feel this?" he asks as he takes my hand and puts it on his bulge. "It's just for you." I bite my lip and look down at my hand. It looks so painful that I start massaging it through his pants. He bucks his hips up into my touch, his breathing getting heavier.

While still riding his thigh, I open his pants and push them down together with his boxershorts. His already fully hard cock slaps against his stomach before I take him into my hand. I spread the pre-cum over his tip with my thumb and start moving my hand up and down. "Shit princess.." he hisses, thrusting his hips up into my hand.

"I'm so close Mattheo.." I whine as I almost start rutting my hips against him. "Come on my leg baby, do it." he groans, lips apart.

I let go of his cock for a moment to dig my nails into his shoulders for support as I press my throbbing clit harder against him. He takes his cock into his hand and jerks himself off as he watches me panting and moaning.

With a deep twisting feeling in my stomach I come all over his thigh, riding out my orgasm.

"So good for me, look at how much you came." he says and I look down at his pants, a big wet spot on them now. My legs still shake from my high and I look up at him again.

Mattheo's POV:

Fuck. I don't know what it is but I have a feeling that this girl is going to be the death of me. With hooded eyes she looks up at me and almost get's me to cum in my own hand just from her eyes looking into mine. She had such a chokehold on me, but I will never admit that to her.

I smile down at her before I speak "already fucked out again and I didn't even touched you." The same thing I told her two weeks ago after I've eaten her pussy and she came after 3 minutes.

"Fuck off." she mumbles and falls slightly against my chest. "As much as I enjoy this closeness baby.." I start, nodding towards my rock hard cock, laying against my stomach.

I push a strand of hair behind her ear and whisper into it. " Suck on it." Her eyes go wide and she looks down on me with those innocent eyes again. " Don't tell me you never sucked cock with those pretty lips." I say, looking at her plump lips, almost begging to be fucked.

She rolls her eyes at me again, making me want to choke her until she stops. " I have." Her answer makes my clench my jaw, wishing she would've just said she didn't.

I pushed her down in front of my legs. I grab a pillow from the couch beside us and put it under her knees, making her grin. " Don't tell me you suddenly care for me Matty?" Now I am the one who rolls his eyes.

I grab her pretty hair into a ponytail and push her towards my cock. She takes it into her hand and starts to lick off the pre-cum from my tip. A moment later she starts sucking on my tip, making me smile. I have a feeling this is going to be good.

I hiss as her wet lips and warm mouth take more of my cock into her mouth. I close my eyes and let my head hang backwards. " Come on y/n, show me what you got."

Suddenly she takes me all the way down her throat, my eyes almost bulging out of my head and my mouth falling open. "Oh fuck, yeah!" I groan, gritting my teeth together. I swear I could feel her smile around me.

She bobs her head up and down in a fast pace, making me moan and groan like a little bitch. Fuck, what is it with this girl?

I feel my tip hitting the back of her throat. " Oh Shit." I lift my head up to look down at her. Her eyes are teary and her hands support herself on my tights. I start grinning, wishing I could take a picture of her pretty mouth around me.

Her throat clenches around me so delicious I almost came. "Hmm baby, you know how to suck cock. Gonna give you that." I pant.

One of her hands go down to my balls, massaging them. " Oh - " I throw my head back again, feeling something in my lower stomach. My hips buck up and I hear her gag, only getting me closer to my high. "M' gonna cum down your throat and you'll swallow it, yeah?" I ask her, breathing heavy. It doesn't take me long to cum and fill her mouth. "Fuckkk.." I groan, pushing her down even harder so her nose touches my stomach.

"Swallow it. All of it." I slowly let go of her, but seeing her cough a little only fuels my desire. She opens her mouth after she swallows and shows me that she swallowed every single drop.

"That's a good girl. Now come on.. let's take a shower." I say grinning at her and helping her back up. "Mattheo I don't know If I can walk so far." she sighs as she stands on her still shaky legs.

I kiss the top of her head, something I never do but just feels right with her. " You don't have to. I have my own shower." I pick her up bridal style and carry her towards my bathroom."

Y/n's POV:

As he picks me up to carry me, I feel a few butterfly's in my stomach but I try to suppress them.

He let's me down when we stand under his shower. His clothes hit the floor. "Hot or cold?" he ask, putting his hand on the tap. "Hot." I say and watch his back. Last time I didn't noticed but he has big scars all over his back, some even on his chest. He must see my face cause he asks me "What's wrong?" I shake my head and try to smile.

"Nothing." I see it in his eyes that he doesn't buy my lie but doesn't push me either. As the warm water hits my skin, I sigh in relief. I let my hair get wet and wash off the makeup I had on. While I did so, Mattheo stands right behind me, his hands on my hips, scanning my face.

I open my eyes and see him looking. " What?" I ask grinning. " You're beautiful." I roll my eyes and look away again, trying to hide my blush. "You don't have to try to get into my pants. You already are." He turns me around and holds my face. " Hey.. I really mean it. And not just your body. Your face is prettier than the ones of angels." My eyes widen at his words, not expecting that kind of words from him.

He clears his throat and looks away for a moment himself. That's when I grab his face in both my hands and crash my lips into his. The kiss is hungry, more passionate and different than the last times. More tender.

One of his hands slide up and down my back, while the other lays on my hip. "You make me crazy, princess." he admits, mumbling against my lips. I smile into the kiss. "Don't go soft Mattheo." I say, teasing him.

He starts kissing my neck, but less soft and more aggressively now. "Remember who's in charge here baby. I would choose your words wisely." He lifts me up so I wrap my legs around his waist. "This time I wanna see your face when I fuck you."

He takes his cock into his hand and positions it at my entrance, teasing me with it. „Mattheo come on, fuck me.." i huff out frustrated. "Beg for it, wanna hear you beg again like the last time I fucked you." I roll my eyes at his ego, but still do as he tells me to. "Please, I'm already begging you to fuck me."

Ge grins down at me and slowly pushes inside me, holding eye contact the whole time. His lips part and his eyes get lazy. "Fuck, you feel just as good as the first time I fucked you stupid."

I want to bite back but only bite my lip as he starts thrusting in a fast and hard pace. "What was that? I'm going soft princess?" His grip on my hips gets tighter and he starts kissing my neck up and down. " N-no you're not.." I whimper, closing my eyes and letting my head fall back against the wall.

What was is that he had me under his control so much? Not even a single brain cell told me to not do as he says. I can't with this boy..

His lips work their way up to my ear and he whispers "I'm a man baby, a boy wouldn't fuck you like I do. " Goosebumps erupt over my body and again he's right. " Stop messing around in my head." I growl lightly, supressing a moan in my throat. "You're all mine. I don't give a shit about how you see that, cause I know your body screams for mine every night. And it will never get someone else's. Do you understand?"

He stops kissing my neck and looks at me while thrusting his hips against mine. A shiver run down my spine as I looked into his eyes, but this time not a good one. It was ice cold. I never saw him looking tat serious and cold. Possesive. "Do. You. Under. Stand." he asks me again, deep and hard thrust for every word.

"God yes, Mattheo. I understand!" I cry out as his fingers find their way towards my clit, rubbing it in circles. My nails leave marks all over his back, drawing a little blood.

He starts hissing but laughing at the same time at the pain. He's gonna be the death of me. "No, you're gonna be mine, princess. Do that again with your nails, turns me on." As I don't, he mumbles a quite "okay" and presses me harder against the shower wall, fucking me even deeper and more brutal. My nails find their way back inside his skin and I'm sure If we had been o the bed It would be broken by now.

"When are you gonna learn to not be a little brat, huh?" he asks, a smirk on his face. "I own you now, baby." I let out half a snort half a chuckle. " Do I own you then too?" I ask sarcastically. " You own every inch of me."

My face falls a little at his answer, not expecting it. Did he mean that?But as soon as my thoughts started, I forgot them as he starts to rub my clit even harder, but in a steady rhythm.

"Oh yeah look at that in pleasure twisting face, that's fucking it." he groans, his thrust becoming more erratic. One hand leaves my hip and wraps itself around my throat, squeezing it with the perfect amount of pressure. A broken scream leaves my lips with my eyes rolling back.

"Yeah scream so loud Cormac hears who‘s name you‘re moaning tonight." I press my lips together but he squeezes my throat tighter. My walls clench around him, making him lose his control, eyes rolling back a bit with a smile to it. "I love that pussy so much fuck.I bet he can't fuck you like I can, huh?"

This time my answer comes in a instant. " No- no he can't. I'm so close Mattheo, please." I moan as I feel this deep twisting feeling in my stomach. His lips meet mine, to my surprise. Unlike how he fucks, he kisses me soft and passionate. "Come around me baby.Please fucking come around me." he groans almost desperate.

And just like that I let go and let the feeling of my orgasm overflow me. "Hm shit.. can I come inside you baby?" Mattheo pants against my lips while he looks down between us. I just nod quickly, feeling him coming inside me a few seconds later. "Shit.." a whimper leaves his lips as he fills me up.

My stomach twists again at the sound so I look at him and scan his face for a moment. I think that's the hottest sound my ears ever came across. He looks fucked out too, his eyes heavy.

He slowly pulls out but still holds me. "You make me so addicted." he confesses to me, looking between my eyes and lips. I had to. " So you're going soft now again?" I tease him, out of breath.

He chuckles lowly which ends with me bent over every single surface in his room.

I don't know how long I can survive in that.

—

I just know ya‘ll hate and love me for posting this.. after weeks :) <3

There‘s gonna be a part 3, the final then. Hehe.

Taglist: @idk-simra @kindnessspreads @purplegardenwhispers @glittervame @oxi8 @lovelyygirl8 @yakosobaboba | thank you for supporting guys 🫶🏻

I created a Tag List Form if you‘re interested: Taglist Form

xoxo sarah <3

[luvyeni]

( reaction ) yandere enha when you wake them up ! ୨୧ 一 엔하이픈 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ when you wake up in the middle of the night ヾ

yandere!엔하이픈・ fem!reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ angst ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ yandere , mentions of getting physical wc ・ ‎787 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ ‎click to library

request. yandere enhypen when you wake them up in the middle of the night (for reasons you can choose)

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 damn jay looks good asf in that photo...

﹙ 𐙚 : jungwon﹚ .ᐟ

not gonna lie jungwon thought you were trying to kill him , all the cruel jokes he'd play , he assumed you'd one day snap and kill him in his sleep so he was always a bit on edge during bed time. so when you jumped up from a nightmare he jumped up too. “what is it?” he rubbed the sleep from his eyes , listening to you. “i thought you were playing a trick on me again.” he smirked , scoffing. “i only play those jokes when you do something.”

“do you have a guilty conscience? something you want to get off your chest?“

﹙ 𐙚 : heeseung﹚ .ᐟ

when heeseung wanted to fuck with you; he made you sleep alone; knowing you were dependent on him and his affection. so it was just one of those nights where he did this , but you couldn't do it anymore. heeseung could feel you standing above him , biting back a smirk keeping his eyes close. “heeseung.” you're close to tears now. “i can't sleep without you please.” you begged. “please.” you were shaking now , panic setting in. “calm down.” his eyes finally open. “look at you shaking.” he mocks you.

“you hate me so much but you're crying to sleep next to me.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jay﹚ .ᐟ

jay gave you the courtesy of giving you your own room , he didn't want to fight with you over that , so he let you sleep alone. so he was a bit confused when he found you crawling into his bed. he didn't say anything though , he allowed you to get as close to you as you wanted , he didn't touch you , until you took his arm , wrapping it around your body , he could smell your shampoo as you silently drifted off to sleep.

he definitely wasn't gonna say anything about it but he'd make sure he'd tell the maid to add extra pillows in his room for you.

﹙ 𐙚 : jake﹚ .ᐟ

since being with you , jake had become a really light sleeper, the fear of you leaving him in the middle of the night. so when you jumped up from your spot next to him , he jolted up as well , his first instinct was to grab your wrist. “where are you going?” you didn't even register any of his questions, the dream was so vivid. “you-you were in the bathroom.” you said. “you were dead , it was my fault.” you were crying now , jake was jumping for joy , you loved him so much you dreamt about him. “but im not dead , im right here aren't i?”

“and you wouldn't do anything to make me harm myself again right?”

﹙ 𐙚 : sunghoon﹚ .ᐟ

he's upset when he's awakened from his slumber to your screaming. “are you serious?” when you start swinging at him he gets pissed. “hey! wake the fuck up.” your eyes shoot open to him hovering over you , pinning you down against the bed — the nightmare you had mixed with the current situation didn't help, if anything it made you want to fight even more but he put a stop to it. “quit this right fucking now before the neighbors hear you.” he said gripping your cheeks.

“while im being nice because it's late, close your eyes and go back to fucking sleep.”

﹙ 𐙚 : sunoo﹚ .ᐟ

he sleeps with you in his arms; it stuffy and often hot and uncomfortable but he won't sleep unless you're there. this particular night you couldn't take it anymore, it was hot and you had enough, softly trying to move away from him — unfortunately it makes his eyes open. “what are you doing?” he asked. “im hot.” you said. “i just need a little space.” he took that as you hate him. “why must you treat me like this?” he said. “all i want to do is sleep next to you, but you just live to be so mean to me.” he managed to turn it on you , make you feel bad until put your comfortability aside, laying back in his arms. “see.” he kissed your cheek.

“it's perfect like this, you'll never leave me.”

﹙ 𐙚 : ni-ki﹚ .ᐟ

annoyed when he's awoken by your shivering beside him — you're having another nightmare, probably about him , he didn't care though. “get up.” he shook you. “you're shaking, it's annoying.” he said. “m’sorry.” you said tiredly , the adrenaline still running through you from your dream , but you were too scared to move in fear of annoying him further , do you just curled up in a ball. “those dreams are stupid.” he said his eyes closed. “there's no need to be scared of me hurting you.”

“unless you're doing something that warrants me to hurt you.”

©LUVYENI

[redroomreflections]

Guide Me

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Gentle Hands One Shot

Summary: Natasha is going away on a mission and she wants R to think of her while she's away.

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI

note: I wrote this entirely for myself. There's fluff in here too.

w/c: 3.6k

Natasha sat quietly on the couch, her eyes drawn to the scene unfolding in front of her. You were kneeling in front of her, your arms stretched out, your eyes and face reflecting the huge smile you had as you encouraged Brynn to walk.

"Come on, Bubs, come to me," You said. "Come to Mommy."

Brynn was clinging tightly to Natasha's knees, her own tiny, chubby legs wobbling. She gave a little squeal of excitement, almost as if to say "I'm nervous", her determination both endearing and fierce.

"Go to your Mommy," Natasha coaxed, "you can do it, kotik."

Brynn seemed to be encouraged by Natasha's voice, patting her leg before reaching out a hand towards you. Your excitement was palpable, Natasha could feel it radiating off of you, and she was sure Brynn could sense it, too.

"Yeah, that's it, Brynnie," You continued. "I'm right here. I'll catch you."

And then Brynn took her first, tiny, tentative step, the biggest smile on her face.

"Nat," You whispered, looking up at her. "She's walking."

Natasha laughed, her heart filling with happiness, the moment seemingly frozen in time. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, as Brynn navigated the cool hardwood floors. You were only a few feet away from her.

And then Brynn wobbled and fell forward into your arms. There was a moment of quiet cheering as you hugged her to you.

"Good job, baby," You praised. "Kaia, guess what? Your sister just walked to me." You informed your almost three-year-old of her baby sister's milestone.

Kaia giggled, clapping her hands together in delight. "Yay, Brynnie."

Natasha chuckled. Kaia was so like you in many ways. Almost a mini clone. Even down to the dance you two performed in celebration of Brynn's first steps. The baby giggled loudly as you twirled her, blowing raspberries on whatever body part of hers you could reach, as you danced around the living room.

"My turn," Natasha said. "I want to dance with my baby." She stood, holding out her arms in anticipation.

You carefully passed Brynn over, who clung to Natasha.

"Mama," She said.

"Hi, my love." Natasha smiled widely. "I'm so proud of you."

Brynn grinned, reaching for Natasha's hair, and tugging on it gently.

"Ouch, kotik, " Natasha laughed. "That hurts."

Brynn looked concerned, pulling back to look at Natasha.

"No, no, it's okay, sweetheart." Natasha smiled softly, bouncing the baby on her hip. "Just a little tug. But never mind that, you walked." She leaned in, giving Brynn a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek.

Brynn giggled, squirming in Natasha's arms, before laying her head on her shoulder.

"I think she's tired," You said as you scooped Kaia into your arms to twirl her around. "It is almost bedtime." Natasha's heart warmed at the sight. She couldn't believe you were the woman she had once only wanted to protect—a woman who had been through so much, who had needed space to heal. Back then, Natasha hadn't imagined your friendship could turn into anything more. She hadn't let herself imagine it. Sure, she'd found you beautiful—who wouldn't? There had always been a quiet strength in the way you carried yourself, even on the days when your world felt like it was crumbling around you.

But this? A life with you, with Brynn and Kaia? That had seemed like a dream she didn’t know she was allowed to have. And now, Natasha had it. She had all of you.

"You should get them ready for bed, Nat," You said, as Kaia wrapped her arms around your neck, clinging like she always did when bedtime rolled around.

"But, Mama, I want to play with Brynn," Kaia whined, her voice laced with the beginnings of a pout.

"I'm sorry, Solnyshko, but you need to sleep. Come on, kiss Mama goodnight," Natasha said, and Kaia sighed but pressed a sloppy, wet kiss to your cheek. "We'll play tomorrow. You have school, remember?"

"I hate school," Kaia grumbled.

"No, you don't," Natasha chuckled.

"Do so."

"Kaia," You warned, and Kaia stuck out her bottom lip.

"Fine," she grumbled, though there was a softness in her voice now. "But you have to promise two songs before bed." Her eyes gleamed as she stared over at Natasha, knowing exactly how to tug at her heartstrings.

Natasha feigned reluctance, though the smile on her face betrayed her. She held out her pinkie finger to Kaia. "I promise," she said, locking their pinkies together with a gentle squeeze.

"And you have to sing them, not play the music."

"Kaia," You sighed.

"Okay, fine." Natasha laughed.

"You're the best, Mama," Kaia cheered, stretching in your arms to kiss Natasha's cheek and then leaning over to give Brynn one, too.

"How sweet," You murmured, watching them with a smile. Kaia’s pout disappeared instantly, replaced with a satisfied grin as she slipped out of your arms and shuffled toward the bedroom. "I'll catch up on dishes while you handle these two." You offered.

"You've done enough already," Natasha insisted. "I can wash the dishes."

"It's alright, I'll get them," You replied, brushing off her protest. "Besides, I want us to have tonight together before bed."

"I'll put Brynn to bed, and then I'll meet you in the bedroom," Natasha decided, and you nodded, making your way into the kitchen. Natasha watched you go, unable to help the smile that came to her lips. God, she loved you.

By the time Natasha stepped out of Brynn’s nursery, the house was quiet—save for the soft clinking of dishes being washed in the kitchen. She had promised herself she would come to bed after putting the kids down, but when she saw you moving around the house, still tidying up, she paused in the hallway. You had already done so much—cleaning up the toys in the living room, starting another load of laundry, and now finishing up the dishes that she had insisted on taking care of herself.

Natasha leaned against the doorframe, watching you for a moment. There was something peaceful about the way you moved, even in the mundane tasks. She loved how you always wanted to keep the home you had together running smoothly, even when you were tired. But it also made her heart ache a little. You did so much, often more than you needed to, always giving, always caring.

Quietly, Natasha made her way over to you, her footsteps soft on the kitchen floor. You didn’t hear her at first, too focused on rinsing the last of the plates, but the warmth of her presence behind you made you pause.

"You’ve done enough for tonight," Natasha murmured, slipping her arms around your waist from behind and resting her chin on your shoulder. "I thought we agreed we'd have time together."

"I was just cleaning up." You shrugged, letting the water from the faucet run over your hands for a moment. "You were busy with the kids. It's fine."

"It's not fine," Natasha said gently. "You do so much, and I appreciate everything, but I want you to relax."

"I'm used to taking care of things, Nat."

"I know," Natasha replied. "And I love that you are."

"I don't mind," You said, turning off the water and leaning back against her.

"But I do," Natasha replied. "Let me take care of you for once."

"Natasha," You sighed, but Natasha was already tugging you away from the sink. You turned into her arms, closing your eyes in pure delight when she kissed your lips. Her kiss was soft and slow, making your heart race. When you pulled away, your smile was wide, your cheeks a bit flushed, and Natasha thought you looked absolutely beautiful.

"I love you," She whispered, pulling you closer and brushing her nose against yours. "You mean so much to me. I wish I could show you how much."

"You do, Nat. More than you know." You smiled softly, leaning in to kiss her again, a little harder this time, your teeth grazing her bottom lip. "Though I do love how affectionate you're being, why do I get the sense you're about to tell me bad news?"

"I don't think it's bad, necessarily." Natasha shrugged even as her hands continued to roam your waist. Lovingly, of course, no ulterior motives there. "It's just, I got an assignment."

"Oh," You said, your expression falling.

"I leave in two days," She explained.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Three weeks."

"And you won't tell me where?" You guessed.

"I can't," Natasha said. "It's a matter of national security."

"I understand." You nodded.

"But," Natasha added, her hand coming up to cup your cheek. "When I get back, I'm not leaving the country for a long time."

"Is that a promise?" You teased, even though your chest was heavy with worry.

"That's a promise," Natasha replied, leaning in to kiss you again.

"How are you going to break it to the girls?" You asked. "You know Kaia has hard drop-offs at school whenever you leave."

"I have some ideas," Natasha said, "I'll have Wanda and Pepper take turns visiting. They can keep Kaia and Brynn distracted."

"Okay," You replied.

"Hey," Natasha whispered, her eyes searching yours with that intensity she always had when she needed you to feel her presence, her sincerity. Her thumb gently stroked your cheek as she leaned in closer. "I know it's hard. Believe me, I hate leaving you and the girls. But I'll come back. Always."

You swallowed, your heart feeling heavier despite her soft reassurances. It wasn’t just about her leaving for the mission—it was the way Kaia would cry at drop-offs, the way Brynn would ask for “Mama” with big, confused eyes, not understanding why Natasha wasn’t there. And as much as you tried to be strong for them, there was always a part of you that felt empty when she was gone.

"I know you will," you whispered, forcing a small smile. "It's just... three weeks is a long time."

Natasha pressed her forehead against yours, before her lips brush your temple. "I’ll make it up to you," she murmured, her voice low, comforting. "To all of you. When I get back, it’s just us. I’ll take a break—no missions, no assignments. We'll do whatever you want. I’ll even take Kaia to her soccer shots classes every week."

You laughed softly at the last part, shaking your head. "She loves those."

"I know," Natasha smirked. "But she's getting a little better at kicking the ball, and I'd like to see it."

You could hear the truth in her voice, feel it in the way she held you like she never wanted to let go. But the reality of her job was always there, lurking in the background, pulling her away when you needed her most. Still, you nodded, trying to push the worry aside, even if only for tonight.

"Okay," you said softly, resting your head against her chest, feeling the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. "But you’re the one telling Kaia in the morning. I’m not dealing with that meltdown alone."

Natasha chuckled, holding you tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Deal."

You held her tightly, breathing her in, committing this moment to memory, knowing that no matter how much she assured you that she'd be back, there would always be a part of you that was worried she wouldn't.

"I'm going to miss you," Natasha began, her voice soft and laced with sincerity. She kissed your lips again. An apology.

"I'm going to miss you too," you replied, your heart aching at the thought of her being away. "More than you know."

"I'll call every day," she promised, her hands tracking your back under your shirt. "Or as much as I can."

"I'd like that," you replied, kissing her once more.

"It'll go by fast," Natasha said. "Before you know it, I'll be back home with you, and we'll finally have a few weeks to ourselves."

"It's hard for me when you leave," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Your side of the bed gets cold. I don't have anyone there to hold me. To kiss me." You're laying it on thick. "It's hard not having someone there to—"

"Stop it," Natasha said, and you smirked, pulling back slightly to look at her.

"Stop what?" You asked, playing innocent.

"You're not being very subtle. If you're trying to make me change my mind about leaving, it won't work. But the other part..." Natasha grinned. "You have ways to care for yourself while I'm gone."

"I know," you said, your tone softening, a smile creeping onto your lips. "but..."

"But what?" Natasha inquired. "Hmm?"

"I've never actually done that,"

"Wait. Really? You've never touched yourself before?"

You shook your head. "Never needed to."

"So you're telling me you're a virgin in that department." Natasha smiled. "This is news to me."

"Nat, don't tease." You pushed her away gently.

"Come here." Natasha pulled you back in. "I'll show you what to do," She promised. "I'll make sure you feel good. Better than good. Amazing. The best orgasm of your life."

"You make big promises," You raised a brow.

"You've had better?" She scoffed.

"No," You shook your head. "I've just never felt the need or the desire to do it."

"So you have no idea what to do?" Natasha questioned, and you nodded, a little shyly. "What is it, baby?" She asked, tipping your chin up gently, so you were looking into her eyes. "Don't be shy."

"I just—I've always been a little repressed with sex," You explained, avoiding her gaze. "I mean we've talked about it before. I'm a woman with two kids. I'm no virgin Mary. There's still so much I haven't explored and I can't help but think how inexperienced I am."

"Hey, look at me," Natasha said softly, cupping your cheek. "There's no rush to explore everything at once, but I'll be more than happy to guide you. In fact, I'm honored."

"You're sweet," You whispered, and Natasha smiled.

"Come on," She said, pulling you towards the bedroom. She closed the door behind th both of you and got to work setting up pillows and a small area in front of the six-foot mirror you'd insisted on having in here.

"Now, I'm not saying it's going to happen right away," Natasha began, pulling you into her arms and peppering kisses on your neck. "But if you'd like me to teach you the ropes, I'd be more than happy to."

"I'd say yes to anything you offer," You whispered to her as you sat in front of her. She instructed you to take your pants off while she did the busy work of unbuttoning your blouse.

"Are you comfortable?" She asked and you nodded, pulling her closer, craving her body heat and the comfort her touch offered.

"Tell me if you want to stop," Natasha began. She gently coaxed your legs open, admiring the wet spot already forming, as she leaned her head against yours. "You don't know how sexy you are like this."

"In a nursing bra and Wednesday panties even though it's Friday?" You joked.

"Especially in that," Natasha murmured. "You always look so good to me, baby." Natasha kissed your neck.

"Touch me," You whispered.

"We're getting there, beautiful," She promised, her hand sliding up and down your thigh. You sighed, closing your eyes. You knew Natasha would make you feel good, and would make this experience pleasurable and enjoyable. "But tonight you're doing all the work. Just follow my voice." She instructed as she trailed her hands along your body.

"Take off your panties," Natasha whispered, and you obeyed. Your hand hovered over the waistband of your panties, hesitating. "Are you nervous?"

"A little," You admitted, taking a deep breath.

"You're gorgeous, Y/n."

"You make me feel that way."

"Good. Because it's true." She replied, pulling her hands away. "Take your time."

You slowly slid the underwear down your legs, biting your lip nervously.

"I'll start, and then you can take over," Natasha said.

"What are you going to do?" You asked.

"You'll see." She replied. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," You said, nodding, feeling a rush of anticipation run through your body.

She began by stroking your belly, moving to cup your breasts and toy with your nipples.

"Do you like that?"

"Yeah," You nodded.

"How about this?" She murmured, her hands running over your hips. You moaned, arching into her touch.

"Mhmm," You cursed, feeling yourself get wetter.

"What else would you like me to do?"

"Just talk to me, please."

"Talk to you about what, baby?" She whispered, her voice sending a shiver down your spine.

"Anything. I just want to hear your voice," You whimpered.

"I can do that."

Natasha's hands trailed along your inner thighs, her fingertips teasing your folds."I want you to use your fingers, just one," She began. "Feel around for that spot that feels good."

You hesitated for a moment, feeling shy.

"It's okay," Natasha whispered. "I'm right here. Do whatever feels good, baby."

You slid your fingers down between your legs, tentatively over your slit, before you pressed it between your lips. You were familiar with your own anatomy enough to find your clit. Your eyes widened slightly at the pleasure, the intensity, as you rubbed it gently.

You bit your lip, closing your eyes at the immediate pleasure, as you leaned your head back against her shoulder. Having her there as a source of support felt even better.

"Open your eyes, baby," Natasha instructed. "Look in the mirror."

You obeyed, your eyes meeting her's in the reflection.

"That's it, Y/n," Natasha murmured. "See how beautiful you look like this? With your legs spread open for me, your pussy soaking wet and waiting for me. You're perfect, Y/n."

"I want to go inside," You whispered. "Can I?"

"Of course," Natasha whispered. "Put one finger in."

You slowly eased a finger into yourself, whimpering at the sensation.

"How does it feel?"

"Good," You gasped. "But I don't know if it's enough."

"Try adding another," She instructed, and you obliged.

"Ah, fuck," You moaned, arching up into your hand.

"That's it, baby. Feel yourself, feel what you do to yourself," She whispered, her hands still stroking your inner thighs.

"Feels so good," You panted. Natasha used her hand to slow you down.

"Not yet," She kissed the side of your head. "I want you to enjoy this. I want you to think about me. How good I make you feel. Imagine your fingers are mine. Fucking you."

You groaned, the pleasure overwhelming, as you moved slower, taking your fingers in and out.

"Natasha," You whispered.

"Shh," She kissed the side of your head.

"I'm close," You whined.

"I know," She smiled. "But you have to wait."

"But why," You whimpered.

"Because it's better when I say so," She explained. She raised her hand, gently rubbing your breasts, careful not to be too rough. Though you do think about how much you would like it. "You're such a good girl for me."

"Nat," You whined, thrusting faster, as she held you closer.

"You're close, baby," She whispered, her fingers finding your nipples, gently tugging them.

"Please, Natasha, I'm so close."

"Tell me what you want," She demanded.

"Bite me," You tilted your neck for easier access. "Mark me. Please."

Natasha growled as she sunk her teeth into your neck, the pain and pleasure mingling together and making you moan. She sucked on the mark she had made, her hands roaming your body. You could feel your pussy clench around your fingertips.

"Fuck," You cried, your back arching.

"Cum, baby. Come for me," She commanded, and you obeyed, moaning loudly, as your orgasm crashed through your body, your muscles contracting.

"That's it," She soothed, holding you tightly, her hands caressing your sides. "Such a good girl for me."

You collapsed back into her embrace, breathing heavily, a thin sheen of sweat covering your skin.

"I don't know how you do that to me." You panted, your voice low and sated.

"Because I love you." She replied, pressing a kiss to your temple.

"I love you too," You sighed, leaning back into her arms, as she stroked your hair. "Thank you."

"Of course, baby," She whispered, smiling at the sleepy expression on your face. "I want you to feel good when I'm not home. I want you to make yourself feel good."

"Thank you," You mumbled.

"You haven't taken your fingers out," Natasha pointed out.

"I haven't," You nodded.

"Is it good?"

"Yes."

"Are you ready to go again?"

"Not right now," You shook your head, closing your eyes. "I like being filled."

"Alright," Natasha chuckled.

"Can we just cuddle?"

"We can do whatever you want," Natasha replied. "Though we need to talk about the comment you just made."

"About being filled?" You questioned.

"Yeah," Natasha replied.

"Well, I like the feeling. And I'd like to feel more."

"Oh really," Natasha smirked. "How much more?"

"However much more you're willing to give." You kissed the part of her chin you could reach. "I do not doubt that if possible, I'd be pregnant by now."

"I'd love that," Natasha murmured. "Filling you with my cum and watching it leak out of you. Stretching you."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" You smiled.

"Very much so," Natasha kissed the top of your head.

"Would you want to be on top or should I?" You asked, opening your eyes.

"You can." Natasha offered.

"But I don't know what I'm doing," You protested.

"Trust me. I'll walk you through it."

"You always do," You sighed. "I'm so glad I met you. The way you love me."

"Me too, baby," Natasha said. "You make me so happy."

"And you make me happy."

[lyneira]

♤♡ the first morning ♡♤

-> the morning after your first, passionate night with Malleus

malleus x fem!reader | fluff with some suggestive parts! (VERY suggestive towards the end ;))

based on this request!

but also a sequel to this post -> Nightly Visits + Your First Time with Malleus

I just know he'd be the first one to wake up, wanting to take the time to savor your sleeping expression. He'd fawn over you, admiring your figure as the rising sun begins to shed its warm rays onto your skin. He'd then smile since it would be reminiscent of how you enveloped each other in warmth the night prior, embracing one another closely as you two made love.

Honestly, he might not even have gotten much sleep at all. He'd have spent the rest of the night caressing you gently, trying to lull you to sleep, ever so softly humming a lovely tune so that you might have good dreams

On the other hand, he wouldn't have needed to sleep to have good dreams. He was already experiencing them, especially after that magical night you two became one, he would be replaying all of those events in his mind over and over again.

But as the sun was rising, he knew that it would soon be time to get up and start the day. Though, he really wouldn't want to at all. He'd wish he could stop time and lay in bed here with you forever because as long as he had you, he no longer felt so alone. He didn't need anyone else. You are his safe place. You are his home.

With that notion, he'd become so protective of you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he'll hug you and curl himself up around your body, like a dragon protecting his treasure (which is you).

He would feel so happy and safe at that moment, knowing you two were together, so intimate, so close. It was a joy he'd never felt before, and he'd hope that he could feel this way with you every morning. He'd nuzzle his face into your neck at the thought.

All of this, in turn, would wake you up, suddenly feeling so much physical contact over your body. Noticing you had awakened, Malleus' eyes would soften with tenderness as you faced him, and they met with yours.

"Good morning, my love," he'd whisper with a sweet smile. "How are you feeling?" he'd ask, bringing his hand down to rub circles on your hip. He remembers how intensely he had given all his love to you the night before and hopes that it didn't cause too much of a consequence this morning.

After greeting him back and reassuring him that everything was okay, though your hips really would feel a little sore, he'd sigh with relief. "I'm glad. Forgive me if I was too rough," he'd cup your cheek with his other hand and gently press his lips onto yours. "I simply couldn't... hold myself back", he breathed out with a slight, sultry tone as he recalled the night once again.

Indeed, he couldn't. It had been the first night you two had gotten to one of the highest levels of intimacy, that he couldn't resist giving the entirety of himself in those moments.

And how could he not? Especially with the way you looked at him so lovingly, held him so closely, squeezed him so tightly, and called out for him numerous times that night, it was only right that he reciprocated your fervor and the intense love you were giving. It was the same way he felt for you, after all.

Just thinking of it was making him feel much hotter than he already was, and you'd feel the peak of that warmth pressing up against you.

This would earn a small blush from him but a big smile from you, as you would ask him if he'd like for you to take care of it.

And so you two would go on to take care of each other that morning, the first of many mornings such as this ;)

a/n: it feels good to write again! Maybe I'll make an explicit smutty part two of this 👀 y'all lmk in the comments if you guys would like that :> i just love writing for this precious guy 🥺

© 2023 lyneira. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, OR REPOST MY WRITING ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS

[astarion-obsessions]

I think not enough people understand that Astarion doesn't want you to be his main or only source of blood. This even stands in direct contrast to what he really wants to achieve with biting Tav. Let me explain.

Why Astarion doesn't want you to be his blood bag

Let me start with explaining how I approached this topic. First of all, when I triggered the bite scene in my playthrough, I obviously let Astarion drink from my Tav. But then I got curious. What happens when I don't stop him? He's said I could trust him just a moment ago, didn't he? So I did just that, I trusted him literally with my life. 

Aaaand... he killed me. Well. What did I expect from a vampire, really. But that he actually drained me dry broke my heart. I really wanted to trust him, to reach out and show him that I didn't judge him for what he was and so on. I was really disappointed in him and couldn't quite grasp why he would do this. Was it a conscious decision? Did he lose control? Surely he would apologise and explain everything to me once someone resurrected me, returning the trust I was giving him the night prior, right?... right?

Of course not. The dialogue after him killing Tav was... at least as disappointing as him killing Tav in the first place. He shows his usual attitude, apologises half-heartedly and then just keeps going on with talking about draining the occasional bandit. He even snaps when you mention the topic of him feeding after that with something like "I already apologised, what more do you want?".

There's no real regret, no emotions. He simply doesn't care.

We know that he didn't care in the beginning, he tells us as much when he confesses his unwanted, growing feelings towards Tav in act 2. But still the whole bite scene didn't sit right with me until…

The Nightmare 

I randomly stumbled upon a clip of Astarion having a nightmare, so I researched about it and even started an Astarion run to experience it myself. So, if you play as Astarion, at the second long rest of act 1 he has a nightmare about Cazador, in which he recites the rules that defined how Astarion and the other spawn had to live:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. 

Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. 

Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. 

Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine. 

However Astarion reacts to this dream, he jolts awake afterwards and instinctively panics that he needs to find a way back to his master as soon as possible. His eyes set on his companions, who are sleeping / meditating peacefully around the fire, and then a thought passes his mind.

He could try to break one of Cazador's rules right then and there. He's able to stand in the sun, to bathe in running water, so maybe…

And that's why he decides to bite a companion. Astarion wakes up utterly terrified of what his master will do to him if he doesn't return to him in an instant - and he knows all too well what kind of horrors would await him if he so much as dares to think about rebelling again (read about that here) - so he is in desperate need of confirmation that he is now able to withstand and actively break the rules that have dominated his life for two centuries.

He needs to know that he is able to drink the blood of a thinking creature. And there they are. His clueless companions served on a silver platter. It's like an invitation to him, to test his boundaries. And who would be more fitting than the good hearted leader of the party Astarion wanted to (or already has) seduce(d) anyway?

This piece of information shed a whole new light on the bite scene. But let's look a bit closer at that. 

The Bite Night 

The very first thing Tav registers about what's going on with Astarion that night is him baring his fangs right above us, about to sink them into our flesh. He pulls back as soon as we open our eyes, retreating immediately until there's a safe distance between him and Tav. 

This may be the first time Tav gets to know that Astarion is a vampire, so he gets defensive and tells us that he's never killed a person for food, only animals. But then, instead of letting the idea of feeding on Tav go, he insists that animals aren't enough. 

But it's not enough. Not if I have to fight. I feel so weak. 

If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better. Please. 

Then he goes on, literally pleading to get what he wants while putting on a sad expression in the end, even averting his gaze. 

And if we now have in mind that he just woke up from a nightmare about Cazador, feeling powerless and in desperate need of even a glimpse of hope that he might escape Cazador's cruel grip, his lines make a lot of sense. He's veiling the truth, of course, but not all of what he says is a lie. 

He indeed feels weak - powerless in fact - so drinking Tav's blood (the blood of a thinking creature) could prove that he may have regained a bit of power over himself, which had been exclusively reserved for Cazador the last 200 years. This would absolutely make him feel stronger, more confident than he's felt for a long, long time. 

And he indeed could think clearer after tasting Tav's blood, because this would bring clarity to the question if he is now able to break Cazador's rules on purpose and therefore give him information to work with when he needs to think about what to do next. 

Right after this, we get the chance to push into Astarion's mind, and if we do this, we can see what he thinks about. 

His mind opens up, revealing cracked and quivering memories. At their heart, you see dark eyes, commanding you to feed. 

You open your mouth and bite down. Not into a tender neck, but in the twisting body of a rat - the only thing your master lets you eat. 

He recalls the memory of how his master used to force him to eat disgusting vermin. As his memory is told, we can clearly see how deeply this affects him, for he can't keep up his walls of defensiveness and detachment. They just crack, crumble and reveal his misery clearly for Tav to observe. When we ask him about it directly afterwards, he first seems to search for a way out - a witty remark, anything - but gives up almost immediately. And he looks and sounds just completely defeated and tired, confirming what Tav just saw in his mind. 

He goes on with talking about trust. I think here he's seeing a chance to gain Tav's sympathy. If he already reveals such delicate information about his past, he can as well make use of it. So he appeals to Tav's understanding, offering us that this past is the reason for him only trusting Tav slowly. But then he immediately adds that now he trusts Tav, and that in return Tav can trust him, too. 

What he does here is displaying himself as pitiful, gaining Tav's sympathy, then seemingly going out of his way and saying that despite all he does trust Tav, which puts Tav in the position to follow suit with returning the trust… which Astarion definitely lied about on his part. But that's what he does. Manipulating. 

If we then respond with "You tried to bite me. How can I trust you?" instead of assuring us of his trustworthiness with more manipulation, he gets frustrated. 

Because we don't have a choice! Not if we're going to save ourselves from these worms. 

But he goes on with masking his reasons, even if he gave us a hint right in the beginning of act 1 when we picked him up, where he said that he would rather control the tadpole instead of removing it. If we play as Astarion, it gets clear pretty fast that he holds onto the tadpole, because it seems to be the only thing that had been able to "save" him from Cazador whilst no one and nothing else even attempted to help him for two centuries. Of course he would not want to get rid of the tadpole just like that. But he says so nonetheless to align with Tav's goals and display himself as useful. 

And then he does something interesting. 

I need you alive. You need me strong. 

Please. Only be a taste, I swear. I'll be well, you'll be fine, and everything can go back to normal. 

In the beginning of this conversation he mentioned he needed the blood to fight better. Now he takes up on this by saying that Tav needs him strong, hinting on him getting stronger after having a taste of Tav's blood. And then he promises that after this "everything can go back to normal", which right now means Astarion feeding on animals again. 

A few things about this are odd. 

Firstly, "only be a taste". Everyone, literally everyone has heard about the insatiable hunger of vampires. So how is it supposed to work that Astarion gets stronger from just a taste of Tav's blood? For how long? A few hours? Not nearly long enough to pose a real advantage, eh? For me this makes no sense. And if we think about his true intentions - wanting to find out if he can break Cazador's rule - just a taste would be absolutely enough. (And after he bites Tav without killing them, he even says that he needs something more filling!) 

Secondly, if Astarion really wanted to become stronger with the help of Tav's blood, why would he promise to go back to normal afterwards? He just offered Tav a stronger companion but then immediately nullified this argument by literally saying that this will be a one time arrangement. 

Thirdly, he subtly offers a bargain. "You give me your blood, I will be a stronger fighter for you." He did so in the beginning as well, repeating it with different words. And it fits his character very well to do so, because for all he knows everything comes with a price. He almost gets beaten to death and Cazador mercifully comes to his rescue? The price is a never ending life of torment and abuse. Astarion helps a potential victim for Cazador to flee? The price is a year of starvation, locked up in a dusty and dark tomb without knowing if it will ever find an end. Mindflayers rescued him from Cazador, (passively) granting him to possibly be free of him at last? The price is becoming a tentacled monster in the end. 

If we then allow him to bite us, he's visibly surprised about our graciousness, but of course doesn't let this chance slip and suggests getting comfortable instantly. Then he finally gets to sink his teeth into Tav's neck. This part of the scene can more or less be viewed from both sides - Astarion's and Tav's. 

He begins to feed on Tav and after a bit we can decide to interrupt him, but have to pass an ability check first. This repeats a second time when playing Tav, and even if it's only one AC when we play Astarion and decide to bite a companion, it still aligns, showing that Astarion seemingly loses himself in the taste of Tav's blood - which is very likely because (as he later tells us) we were the first humanoid he's ever fed on, so it's imaginable that Tav's blood must be tasting almost divine to him. 

This theory is supported by his actions after we fail the first AC or just let him continue. He grabs the back of Tav's head to pull them towards himself, emphasising on how greedy he is sucking the blood out of Tav. The camera even uses the exact same angles before failing or skipping the first AC and after, so the comparison is easy and the difference is clear:

If we then fail or skip the next AC, Astarion just drains us dry… And it gets even better after the bite night. 

The Morning After 

When Tav gets revived and then talks to Astarion, he is visibly surprised to see us, after he left the dead body of Tav behind with saying "Oh no, something terrible has happened". Sure Astarion, something… 

All of this happens when Astarion still doesn't care for Tav. He reacts with panic when we confront him with the fact that he literally killed us, and just manages to get his expression under control after a few seconds. I mean, just look at him:

'Killed' feels like a strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour. 

He definitely knows what he's done, and that 'killed' is indeed the right word for it, he is just very very bad at coping with guilt (which is amazingly analysed by thelikesoffinn - definitely read this, you'll understand Astarion so much better after this). 

He instantly lays the focus on our codependency again, that we need each other and so on. If we question why we should keep him around, he answers with:

A strong, well-fed vampire? I'm a powerful weapon - you'd be a fool to toss me aside now. 

With mentioning this, he wants to make sure that Tav will let him stay by their side and therefore grant him protection. 

But more importantly he continues:

Anyway, last night was an aberration. It will never happen again. 

He doesn't even start with something like "Next time I'll be more careful" or anything similar. He straight up says that it will never happen again. Period. If we then ask who he will feed on next time he gets hungry, he presents the idea of feeding on villains and bandits "who need killing anyway". And this is exactly what he wants. This even shows in his reaction to Tav's response to his suggestion.

If we agree and therefore allow him to feed on our enemies ("Sounds good. Glad we could agree"), this is how he reacts:

As am I. I'm starting to feel a little peckish already. 

This itself doesn't sound all too enthusiastic, but we get his approval up, which definitely shows that he very much likes that Tav agreed. 

On the contrary, if we suggest he can feed on Tav, ignoring his will wish to feed on villains ("Look, I'm not against you feeding on me, but only if we talk about it first"), this is his reaction:

Of course! This sounds eminently reasonable. 

I shall wait patiently until you suggest we… dine together. 

Doesn't sound too bad either, eh? But we don't get his approval. He doesn't disapprove, of course, because this is still a thousand times better than what he had until then, but still not what he really wants… 

So, what does all of this mean for the initial question? 

Conclusion 

The crucial point here is what it means for Astarion to feed on Tav. The only things he remembers since Cazador turned him, are being relentlessly dominated and horrifyingly abused. The things Astarion wants the most are to be safe and to finally have control over himself again. 

He bit Tav for the sole purpose of finding out if he can be free of Cazador's rules. So why would he jump right into being dependent on Tav? He suggests to feed on villains, because then he is free of anyone's mercy. He doesn't need to rely on Tav to graciously allow him to get a drop of blood. He can do this himself now. 

This is such an important step for his character growth, to find the way to his autonomy again, so if we only allow him to feed on Tav, it instantly sets him back into old habits of bowing to his masters words - or in this case Tav's. Because it's all hes been doing for the last two centuries of his life. 

So, as much as the thought of the self-sacrificing offer to be his personal blood bag may seem romantic or whatever, it's actually the exact opposite, trapping Astarion in what he desperately tries to escape from. The restrictions that come with someone dominating him mentally and physically. And as I mentioned earlier, he doesn't believe in the goodness of people. For him every "kind" act has a price and he likes to know what he has to pay, so he wouldn't even want to just drink Tav's blood without Tav getting anything out of it. He would most certainly expect Tav one day to come around with something he doesn't want to give or do, so he wants to control such situations beforehand. 

All he wants is to make his own decisions and be free in every way possible… 

So please just let him drain some bandits, will ya? 

[meet-you-at-the-north-star]

Let Me In

Eric Northman x human! Reader

Summary: inspired by scenes from ep. 3x02 & 3x03 as well as a couple other plot points in the show (but plot is quite vague anyway)

Word count: 1517

“You’re going to invite me in” he stated, slowly, in that gentle purr his voice always sounded to my ears.

I took a step back, partially to hide the jolt that went through my body at those words. “And why would I do that?”

I wondered if he could sense the change in pace of my palpitations. They were yet to invent a way to disguise that from a vampire's super hearing.

“So I can protect you” He took a step forward. Then another, equally measured. “Or have passionate primal sex with you”.

When my hands touched the wood of the door behind me he stopped, slightly tilting his head: “Possibly both”

I gulped. I didn’t even realize that I had been backing away.

“You’re not gonna distract me by talking nasty” I said, perfectly aware that I was the one trying to distract him from the effect he was having on me.

He smirked, leaning down and invading even more of my personal space. “I already have”.

“So…are you going to invite me in?”

“That’s not how it works” I scolded him, a warning look on my face.

“Pity” He leaned back. “As soon as you let me know what the rules are, I’ll be more than happy to play along”

I stared at him for a moment, different streams of thoughts racing through my brain. “Do you really think something might happen to me tonight?”

“There’s a good chance it might. Tonight, the night after that, it doesn’t make much of a difference. I’d rather be safe than sorry” He cut short.

“Alright. I am going to invite you in…” I began, placing my hand on his chest to stop him from taking another step forward. “If you promise not to cross this threshold and to leave me alone the minute I do.”

“Well, that’s no fun”

“Eric.”

He nodded. “I promise. If that’s what you want”

“It is” I lied, but he didn’t need to know that. “You will be able to sense it if I’m in some kind of trouble, right?”

“Correct.”

“Good. Then you’re officially invited to come inside, Eric Northman…if I should need your help” I specified in an eloquent tone.

“Thank you.” His hand reached out to move a strand of hair behind my ear, with a tenderness that was as unexpected as disarming coming from someone like him.

I struggled to fight back the instinct to immediately take back everything I had just said, but I couldn't help but at least smile at him.

He smiled back at me and pulled his hand away. “Goodnight, Y/N”


A moment later he had literally vanished into thin air.

I closed the door behind me with a sigh, my heart now beating wildly. Sleeping was going to be no easy feat after all that.

I tried to prepare myself calmly, retracing all the steps of my usual nighttime routine in order to banish any kind of thoughts from my mind, both the positive and the negative.

When I finally got into bed, however, it was impossible to avoid those piercing blue eyes and features so beautiful they didn't seem real, which had so often populated my recent dreams.

Even though he had cheated by giving me his blood, a part of me couldn't help but think I would have dreamed of him regardless. After all, my daydreams were much the same way.

Eric’s eyes were my last conscious thought, then only darkness. And the sound of steps. Some kind of creature was approaching me. I could hear its menacing growl clearly now. I started running as fast as I could, but it seemed like the noise was only getting louder and more frightening. I turned a dark corner and my heart dropped realizing there was no way out of it. It was a dead-end. Then all of a sudden the floor opened up under my feet and I fell into an endless dark pit.

I let out a scream so loud I must have woken myself up. I felt cold arms holding me and instinctively fought to free myself from their grip, still screaming. Did the creature that was following me finally catch me?

“Hey” Two hands were cradling my face in an instant, gently. “it’s okay, it’s me, you’re alright”

I blinked once, twice and finally the fog clouding my brain started to dissipate as I found myself back in my room, staring into those blue eyes again. But this time I was only not seeing them with my mind. Usually impenetrable, they now betrayed concern as they studied my expression intently.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to utter in the end.

He looked a little uncomfortable, as if he was afraid I might be mad at him. “I sensed your fear”

It finally hit me: the chase, the panic I felt, it was all a dream. But he couldn’t tell the difference and thought I was actually in danger. I felt a blush quickly rising to color my cheeks and I rested my head against his chest to hide my embarrassment. “Oh my god, it was a stupid nightmare”

His arms slid up and down my back, holding me close in a protective grip. “It’s definitely quite a relief”

“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here for that”

“I’m not” he said, a half-smirk curving his lips.

“Eric” I leaned back and looked up at his face, trying to recover some sense of distance between us, but we were too close this time. And there was no invisible magical barrier I could cross.

He understood what I needed, slightly loosening the grip of his arms to allow me freedom of movement, but his eyes remained locked in mine. “Do you want me to go?”

I opened my mouth to respond but not a word came out. I ran a hand through my hair nervously, eyes darting everywhere until his hand came up to gently cup my chin, forcing me to bring my attention back to him.

My eyes dropped to his lips. They looked even redder in contrast to his unnaturally pale skin.

He didn’t move, waiting, while my brain performed somersaults to find any valid excuse why I shouldn’t let this happen.

It couldn’t.

I had about half a second to be surprised at my own impetuousness as I crashed my lips against his, then my mind went blank.

My hands quickly travelled up his neck and tangled in his hair, pulling him to me as our mouths explored each other, greedy and eager.

I felt the blood rushing through my veins and speeding up my heartbeat until it was a loud pounding in my ears. I should have been frightened by how vulnerable that probably made me in his presence, but I wasn’t.

I wasn’t afraid of him or this in the slightest, everything about it felt too right. The feeling of his arms surrounding me again in secure hold, his hands gripping my shoulders and then cradling my face, his lips hungry, relentlessly pressing on mine in a silent request for access.

My mouth parted with a sigh, allowing his tongue to slip inside, deepening the kiss. Our bodies were flush against one another and in the blink of an eye he’d pulled me onto his lap and my hands moved to his shoulders to regain my balance, lips still locked together in a restless dance.

“Hey!” I jokingly protested, finally parting for air after what felt like a two-hour apnea. “Some of us here still need to breathe”

“Mmm, you know that’s something I can easily remedy” He grinned, lips teasingly trailing up my neck and leaving nothing but small kisses behind.

“Don’t even think about that”

“What a shame” His eyes found mine again, thumb lightly stroking my cheek. “You’d make a stunning vampire”

I simply smiled at that, leaning down to capture his lips again. The kiss was slower this time, less frantic; but languid, our lips slowly taking their time to savor each other.

I felt him grin into the kiss as my hands moved in the small space between our bodies and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait a minute” I abruptly stopped and shot him a worried look. “You can’t stay here”

He raised both eyebrows in disbelief. “You cannot be serious right now”

“No, I mean…what about the sun?”

He burst into a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Good thing you people have invented blinds”

“True, guess humans aren’t all that bad, uh? ” I smirked.

“They have their moments” He conceded, looking at me.“But you do realize” he began, tone dropping suggestively, “that means I’m going to be stuck in this room for the entire day, right?”

I bit my bottom lip and shamelessly let my eyes wander over his messy hair and the half-unbottoned shirt on his chest, drinking it all in: he was one to talk about “stunning”. Then I brought my lips close to his ear: “I’m sure I can think of a way to keep you occupied”

[bvnnichu]

𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐘 ft. sano manjiro

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬: you'd invited your boyfriend over for the first time, only for him to end up grinding against your ass in your sleep.

𝐜𝐰 ! 18+ nsfw (mdni), swearing, closeted pervert mikey, somnophilia, marking, grinding, unprotected sex, gagging, petnames, creampie, cum eating, mention of second round.

𝐚/𝐧: ik these aren't headcannons like I promised but I got too carried away 😞 hope y'guys still enjoy. first time with ran is otw so watch out for that!!

Mikey couldn't sleep. All he could think about was the way your short little skirt kept riding up your thighs when you walked, perky nipples hardened against the thin fabric of your tanktop, how your ass was on full display for him to see when you bent over to get something you dropped. Fuck, were you teasing him on purpose?

He looked over to his side where you were sleeping, looking ever so peaceful. His already hard dick throbbed at the thought of your plush thighs, only dreaming of being squeezed in between them. He gulped, scooting over closer to where you were laying. He brushed some hair out of your face, your soft plush lips only clouding his thoughts on how they'd feel around his tip.

He felt you up your torso, hand roaming your body desperately while he was leaving lustful kisses on the base of your neck. You wouldn't mind right? Especially since you were the cause of the state he's in right now. Your eyebrows were furrowed, but you had no particular signs of waking up. His hands slid down your lower back to the plush of your ass, giving it a gentle squeeze while his lips were busy marking your neck. His lips released the skin of your neck with a saliva connecting the both, hands already making quick work of your panties. He slid them down just above your knees, flipping your skirt up to give him a better view.

His dick jumped at the sight of your plush ass, his tip leaking with precum from being erect for so long. He bit back a moan, hands quickly finding and grabbing onto your ass. He gave them a few squeezes, laying down next to you to start pulling down his trousers. He pulled them down along with his boxer's, grinding himself against the soft flesh of your ass. He thanked the gods that you were still asleep, but he wouldn't mind if you woke up to his horny ass grinding against your bare ass. He pulled you up by your waist a bit further, making you arch your back and giving him the perfect angle to slide into your gummy cunt.

He rubbed his slender finger along your entrance, spreading arousal across your pussy lips. He then lined himself up with your entrance, too impatient for proper foreplay. He pushed inside your tight cunt, panting heavily with how hard you were clenching. He lifted your leg up for better access, making sliding his dick into you much easier. He bit down on your shoulder to suppress his moans, eyes going to the back of his skull from how good your pussy felt.

You stirred awake from so much movement, only to feel his dick wrecking your insides with every thrust. He was thrusting into you like a rabbit in heat, head thrown back into the pillow with his eyes shut closed. His mouth agape, occasionally letting out soft moans and grunts. His hand was on your hips, the other holding your leg up so he could reach even deeper.

"m-mikey—" your words were cut off by a loud moan you let out when you felt him hit your cervix. "fuck darlin'— couldn't h-help myself" his words were shaky from how hard he was thrusting, but despite that you could still make out what he was saying. You'd never expected this from Mikey, your sweet boyfriend who'd get flustered with the slightest of touches. Who'd been so iffy about physical touch itself. But despite that, you couldn't lie how fucking hot this was and how much it had your pussy throbbing and gushing over his hard shaft.

"'m close!" You squealed out, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten. "fuck— cum f'me, princess,"

You released all over his cock, a mixture of your arousal and his precum dripping down onto the sheets. He his freehand around your neck to reach for your mouth, shoving his fingers inside to silence your loud moans. You gagged around his fingers, fueling him to absolutely go feral. He thrusted a few more times before finishing inside of you, cum painting your insides white. He pulled out with a groan, more cum spilling onto the bedsheets below you. He removed his fingers from your mouth with a string of saliva attaching to it, making his way to your pussy to shove that same finger inside.

"gotta make sure you waste none" he said cheekily, making you roll your eyes despite your cheeks being warmed by embarrassment. You turned around, taking his fingers out of you only to put them back inside your mouth, sucking on them while staring at him with sparkly doe eyes. His eyes widened, and you felt something poking against your thigh. You removed his fingers then deadpanned at him, only causing him to flash you a cheeky grin back. God, he really can't get enough of you.

© 𝐁𝐕𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐔 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 — 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.

[spngi]

My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader

Part 1

Prologue

summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings

warnings: Grammar mistakes, citation of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating, angst

There's a warm breeze in the room, crossing through the space from the windows that remained open overnight, the scent of Spanish summer mixing with Carlos' aroma in the room. Carlos' arms surround me in bed, and I can't help but wake up to the kisses he spreads across my back.

"Good morning, darling," I murmur still drowsy to Carlos, turning to face him. He looks handsome in the morning, tousled hair, a silly smile on his face, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Good morning, cariño," he replies, pulling me closer into his embrace, making me laugh; his hand is gentle as it touches my face in a light caress.

"That smile of yours makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world," Carlos says, and even after all this time together, he still makes me blush with affection.

"I'm the lucky one to have you, Carlos," I lightly kiss his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he responds.

Everything feels empty, the house filled with love and happiness now seems like a mausoleum, the hallways echoing even with people still in them, my head on the verge of collapsing along with my entire body. I feel broken, still alone, a million beautiful memories dancing in my head and wasted by the end.

Divorce. Just thinking of that word makes me nauseous. Five beautiful years shared reduced to a single piece of paper. I couldn't and wouldn't let that happen, no matter what Carlos tried; I wouldn't give that to him. Of all the long list of concessions I made to him, divorce wouldn't be added to it.

I can't go back to my room, I can't stay here without feeling the urge to go back to him, to plead and shake him until he comes to his senses, until he loves me again.

I return to the back of the house where Carlos had set aside a place for me to paint and have a moment of peace; there are many paintings hanging in that room, various phases of my life, our life. That studio was my safe haven. I close my eyes and try to breathe, pour myself a drink and put on an Etta James record.

It's when I finally look at the blank canvas in front of me, waiting to be filled, that I feel the tears rolling down, like a dam that has reached its limit.

"Y/n?" I hear Charles' voice calling me after a long time, catching me off guard. I try to quickly wipe the tears from my face, knowing it will be in vain.

"Hi," I turn to him, my voice trembling, and Charles tries not to stare at my state.

Charles is one of Carlos' right-hand men, helping him with business and also his security.

"Carlos asked me to deliver this to you," he places the same envelope from earlier on the table, and more tears roll down my eyes. He looks at me again, and I hate to seem so fragile in this moment.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, and I can't find the strength to respond; I just nod my head and hope he leaves. Although Leclerc was a great listener and a friend in his spare time, I didn't want to talk, to tell him what was going on. It would make the whole situation too real at this moment, so I just wait for him to leave so I can break down again.

I never opened the envelope; I didn't want to see what was inside, didn't want to know what I was worth in Carlos' eyes, didn't even want to negotiate how much our life together was worth. The papers went straight to the back of my closet, hidden from the world and from my eyes.

Carlos didn't sleep at home that night, even the next, and even the next four days. It was as if he was punishing me with his absence for not accepting the separation, as if leaving me wandering alone around the house would change my mind about it. The big house kept running, with staff and security guards wandering around. But Carlos didn't bother to come back home, or to take care of his own business, sending Charles back and forth all the time to pick up his papers and important things. And it's when I finally tire of this game that I decide to corner Charles.

He looks startled when he enters my husband's office and sees me there, sitting in Carlos' chair, with my Manolo Blahnik heels propped up on the table.

"Oh, Y/n... good morning, didn't expect to see you here," Leclerc sighs, and I give him a slight smile. "I came to get some things for Carlos and I'll leave you alone again."

"Actually, Charles..." I stand up and then firmly place my hands on the stack of documents he came to fetch. "The documents are staying; tell him to come get them personally."

"Y/n... Mrs. Sainz, I've been instructed to do just that," Charles replies. It hurts me to do this with him, the man had nothing to do with our marital problems but it was the only method of passing the message to Carlos.

"Don't think I'm trying to disrupt your life, Charles. Just pass on the message to him; I want him to come back home soon. He can't keep hiding in that tiny apartment forever." I lean on the table and watch his reaction as he realizes what I've said.

"Do you know where he is?" he asks me curiously.

"I found out the moment you left here on the first day," I smile cynically at Charles, "and I wouldn't want to have to go there to pay him a visit. I believe Carlos wouldn't like that either, as it would disturb the peace of the apartment's owner."

Charles still seemed surprised by the information I had. The truth was I couldn't keep dragging myself around the house in eternal sadness, wondering where my husband was. So, I took the opportunity to send my bodyguard after Charles. Lando was still young, but he was efficient and smart; he had been by my side since I moved into this house and Carlos decided it would be good for me to have some protection. As Lando was young, maybe it would be easier for me to get used to him, and it really was; we became good friends over time. Once he found out Carlos' address, it was easy to find out whose apartment it was and who the girl was.

Martina. That name sounded bitter in my head.

"I'll be keeping this for him for now, and it was good to see you, Charles," I smile, dismissing him.

I smile as I watch him leave, feeling at least somewhat victorious today. I look at his office again, pick up the picture frame I found stored earlier in the drawer, and place it on Carlos' desk again. The image makes me smile nostalgically; the photo of our wedding fills me with a bit of hope, the happiness in our eyes, love radiating from the photo. Maybe I could make everything go back to normal.

When I get up the next day, I'm not surprised to see Carlos at the table having coffee. That was good; he had come and was at home after all. He looks at me through his coffee cup, his eyes expressing no emotion, but it's comforting to have him there, sitting in our living room having coffee.

"It's good to see you," I greet him and sit next to him at the table.

"I wish I could say the same," he says, placing the cup on the table, "but you know I hate being pressured."

"I gave you five days, dear. Believe me, I was patient and kind," I fidget nervously with the ring on my finger. "Listen, we need to talk, open up to each other... Being alone in these last few days was horrible; this huge house where..."

Carlos doesn't let me finish speaking. He smiles, that kind of evil smile he gives when he's plotting something, the same evil smile I've seen so many times directed at someone else.

"I'm glad you mentioned that," he interrupts. "You were right about saying that apartment was tiny. And as you yourself said, this house is huge, so I believe you won't mind me bringing one more guest," he speaks naturally, as if he hadn't done something horrible, as if it wasn't enough to have tainted our marriage, he had to taint our home now, as if he wanted me to hate him more each day.

"You wouldn't do that," I reply shocked.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" he asks, pointing to the large door leading to the garden and the pool of the house, the smile never leaving his lips.

[st4vk1nmybra1n]

moonstruck mornings !¡

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader.

warnings: none besides explicit language and jokes, suggestive near the end!

wc: 1.4k

early mornings with gojo satoru were never easy. for a number of reasons, of course.

the first of which was well– his size. standing at a proud 6’5”, with a heavily muscled build. easily towering over you in every situation imaginable.

secondly, his clinginess. not that you minded, but your husband tended to rather enjoy squishing his face into your chest (regardless of the size) and sleeping on top of you. either that, or having you caged in his arms. his large, veiny and strong arms.

you put those two together and you have a nightmarish scenario during the mornings. you couldn't really move around with your hunk of a husband on top, nor could you push him off without him either not moving at all, or tightening his hold on you and absolutely refusing to let go. and today, not only did you have the annoying urge to pee, but you both had work.

“satoru, i know you're awake,” you mumble sleepily, running a hand through his soft hair. he grumbles in response, nuzzling his face even deeper into your stomach, having shifted from his place nestled deep into your chest.

“we've got work. and i need to pee!” you complain, hands moving down to rub at his bare back.

“you're doin’ it on purpose,” he murmured, his morning voice deep and raspy. “you always say that and start using those hands of yours to keep me in bed.”

you gape in response, slapping his shoulder. he lets out a yelp, then follows up with a childish whine. “ouch, baby!” he cries out dramatically, moving up to bury his face into your neck.

“we have work, ‘toru. we're gonna be late. and we'll be even later if you don't get up because i will pee myself and make you clean it up.” you threaten, to no avail of course.

“I'll slurp it up gladly.” he grins, hissing when you land another slap to his back. he pouts, leaning his weight on his arms on either side of your head, as he moves his face directly in front of you.

“hi there.” he greets with a cheeky smile, leaning down to brush his lips against the corner of your mouth. sleepily, he notes just how beautiful you look in the morning light. the navy blue sheets making your sunkissed frame look heavenly in his eyes.

but you always look beautiful to him. even without his blindfold and glasses, he thinks he could probably stare at you and note down each and every detail of you and engrave it into his brain. amidst all the chaos of the world that brings a migraine to his heightened senses, you managed to soothe his eyes like a fabric of silk, shielding his eyes from the sight of anything and everything else.

he'd known you ever since you both started at Jujutsu tech, to which he asked you out within a year or so of knowing you. which lead to you both raising megumi and tsumiki, and later to him proposing to you and you both getting married! he hasn't regretted a single moment with you, not after seeing how you took care of megumi even despite how cold the boy could be, and how you recognised he was still a child. he liked the fact that you were good with kids. maybe he'd give you some of your own.

“satoru?” you called out for the nth time, giving his nose a kiss. belatedly, he realized you'd been calling out to him. huh. he got lost in thought.

“yeah, sweetheart?” he cooed, glancing up at you through his frosty lashes. you huffed in response, rolling your eyes lightheartedly as you cupped his face between your hands, thumb tracing the sharp contours of his visage.

“you blanked out on me for a few seconds there. you looked stupid.” you teased, to which he gasped in offense. him? stupid? not even in his dreams.

“you're stupid,” he stuck his tongue out childishly, watching as you raised a brow.

“am i now?” you challenged, giving him an unimpressed look. he blinks, meeting your gaze. you stare back, unblinking. you both maintain that position, starting an unspoken staring contest. he glances down at your lips for the briefest second, then looks back up. he blinks. with a groan, he sighs and pouts.

“no, ma'am. I'm a liar. a loser, even.” he mumbles dramatically, angling his head down.

“poor baby,” you coo mockingly, leaning up to peck his lips. he hums, leaning down to recapture your lips in a kiss.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles against your lips, pulling away to press kisses to your cheeks, nuzzling his face into the skin.

“i love you too,” you replied with a smile. “i guess..” you added, yelping as he bit into your cheek.

he let out a huff, burying his face into your chest, inhaling deeply. you both relaxed into the bed, taking in the silence. wordlessly, your fingers carded into his hair, caressing his scalp and scratching it. he almost lets out a moan from how good it felt. if he were a cat, he'd probably be purring by now, or at least that's what he thinks.

you both bask in the comforting atmosphere, giving you a moment to admire his frame. you watched as your wedding band glinted, reflecting the morning sun rays as your fingers threaded through angelic white locks. truly a sight to behold.

underneath the mop of hair, you could faintly see some of his features, as one half of his face was buried into your chest. long, white lashes cover up the beautiful sight of his gorgeous blue eyes, the contours of his under eyes hollowed out just the right amount to not induce worry from your end. his cheekbones, as high and sharp as ever, were currently donning a light flush, highlighted by the sun landing against his face.

and oh, his lips. naturally plump and full of life, but even more full as he'd woken up from his slumber, the deep color of them standing out against his pale skin. your eyes trailed easily, landing on his back. untouched. milky, pale skin, filled with dips and curves from his muscles. the only marks donning the skin on his back were from your nails. oops.

“baby?” satoru spoke aloud, interrupting the peaceful silence.

“yes, honey?” you answered, brushing his bangs back from his face. he gave you a toothy grin, eyes closing as he tilted his head up to look at you.

“I'm hard.” he stated sweetly, watching your face shift into a deadpan. “please! it'll be quick. i just need like 3– actually that's too less– i just need 15 minutes! for proper indulgence!” he pleads, fluttering his lashes at you. your lips twitch, mouth opening to start up your familiar complaints to him about his ‘raging morning wood’ until you pause, blinking. you glance towards the clock, then back at him.

“satoru.” the tone of your voice makes him straighten up a little. “if you don't get up right now.” is all you say, and suddenly, he's stood up, carrying you in his arms towards the bathroom.

another reason early mornings with your husband aren't easy is because– well– he’s hard to resist. it's easy to get lost into him, even when he's not doing it on purpose. but you wouldn't have it any other way, you think as you're finally set down on the toilet to tend to your business. you watch as satoru starts up the shower for you both, sticking his hand into the water to make sure the temperature was just right for you.

he nods in approval, beginning to shed himself of his clothes. “oh, and i forgot to mention but nanami said he'll bring in breakfast for us today. which gives us an extra 30 minutes to spare.” he smiles innocently, giving you a cheeky glance. already, you knew where this was headed.

with a sigh, you shake your head. unsurprising. when your husband wants something from you, he gets it. and what kind of wife would you be if you didn't indulge him? you wouldn't say it of course, but you quite liked your intimate moments with satoru. not like you'd need to tell him either, he saw right through you. after all, your husband is the greatest of them all, right?

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 66

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 6k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Wednesday, March 3; 5:30 AM - Ona and Alexia's room.

I was sleeping peacefully until I felt my blanket lift, letting a draft hit my chilly body. Naturally, I couldn't help but be scared, being the little scaredy-cat that I am, but I was quickly greeted by a warm breath.

"Shhht. It's just me."

A smile spread across my lips, even though I was still in a fog. Lucy slipped under my blanket, and I took the opportunity to turn around and bury my face in her chest. I could feel her smile as she kissed my forehead, holding me tight. Her body was freezing, but it was already starting to warm up against mine.

"Happy one month, my love," I mumbled against her chest, which hummed with satisfaction.

"Happy one month," she whispered back.

I sighed in contentment, not daring to move or let go. I was afraid it was just a dream, but I kept touching her, and she was still here. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, but I didn't mind. I was perfectly comfortable next to her. I had missed her arms. After all, we always get used to the good things too quickly.

"I knew you'd plan something," I whispered. "It's not fair. I don't have the same advantages as you."

She chuckled, making her chest vibrate again beneath me. It was a pleasant surprise. I hadn't thought about it at all. Starting my day in her arms would give me a lot of motivation and good cheer.

"Hey, just so you know," came my roommate's deep voice. "I'll allow the cuddling next to me this time because it's your one-month anniversary, but please, keep it quiet."

We laughed as I heard her turn over in her bed. Lucy calmed me by sliding her hand under my T-shirt. It felt good to feel her. I liked it when she touched my skin.

"Did you hear, baby?" she teased me.

I smiled and nodded, pressing myself closer to her. I took a deep breath to take in her scent. I was happy she was here, in my bed. I'd have her scent on my sheets now. It would help me sleep better, even though it would be both a joy and a torture in the nights to come. I lifted my head and kissed her hard. It was another sweet torture that I intended to enjoy on this lovely morning. It was hard not to fully enjoy what was mine when I saw her every day. We continued like that for the half-hour we had left. Our time was cut short by the shrill alarm echoing down the hall. Lucy sighed, and I could see the disappointment on her face that it was already over. Still, she didn't move. Alexia had time to open the blinds, letting the daylight flood the room, momentarily blinding us.

"If you're not getting up, does that mean we have time to get ready?" Ale asked.

"Definitely not," she teased. "Come on, get up, beautiful."

"Just a little longer," I mumbled.

Alexia laughed as she went into the bathroom. As soon as she left, I resumed kissing Lucy, but she giggled and gently pushed me away. She kissed my forehead and got out of bed. I hadn't noticed because of the darkness, but she was already wearing her T-shirt for the day. I watched her as she pulled on her pants and jacket before Ale returned. I would have liked to get dressed too, but my clothes were in the bathroom.

"Thanks for the wake-up call. It was nice."

"My pleasure," she smiled. "But I'm serious. Go get ready," she said as Ale returned.

"I'm going, I'm going."

I dragged myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. I hurried as much as I could, knowing I still had to make my bed. When I was done, I wanted to tackle that, but I noticed it had already been made.

"Thanks," I said to Lucy.

I gave her a quick kiss on the lips to emphasize my gratitude. I then rushed to my closet to give her my drawing. It wasn’t much, but I didn’t want to be empty-handed. It was a self-portrait of her from behind, with her hair to the side. I highlighted the tattoo on her neck and her profile. I could see Lucy's eyes light up, and nothing made me happier.

"I didn’t expect us to be giving gifts..."

"I didn’t want to come empty-handed. The rest will come this weekend, of course."

"Oh, really?"

"Don’t think you're getting away without celebrating properly," I teased her.

"Oh no, no," she laughed. "I remember you’re in charge of the evening," she said with a mischievous smile. "I’m expecting a lot if you’re the one running the show."

I laughed softly and playfully hit her shoulder. She’s challenging me! I really hope she’ll like what I’ve planned.

"Alright, off you go. See you tonight."

"Have a great day."

I kissed her one last time before joining Ale, who was waiting for me at the door. Poor thing, I always made her wait. She didn’t seem to mind. As soon as we stepped into the hallway, she put her arm around my shoulders.

"So, my friend. Looks like you're starting the day off well."

"I couldn’t have dreamed of a better start," I admitted. "Not everyone would do that."

"That’s true," she giggled. "Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Since you haven’t brought it up again, I was wondering how the discussion about the gallery offer ended."

"Oh, yeah. I didn’t mention it again, sorry."

"Did everything get sorted out? You have no idea how upset Jenni was about it."

"She didn’t have to be. It’s something that concerns only us anyway."

"That’s true, but she’s very protective of Lucy," she sighed. "So, what’s the decision?"

"For now, we’re waiting for the interview with Mr. Fields next week. I tried to schedule it for Friday afternoon to avoid needing permissions and all that, but he wasn’t available."

"Did you manage to find a time slot anyway?"

"Yes, yes. Monday, in two weeks. But we decided not to wait. Lucy found other galleries for me to apply to. Beth is checking their relevance before I send my applications."

"That’s right, I heard beth has a lot of friends in that field. She’s passionate about art thanks to her mother. Jenni and Beth are really close friends »

"Really? No, I didn’t know that."

"Well, now you do," she laughed. "And what if the guy doesn’t give up?"

"Lucy thinks that if I make it clear I don’t want to leave, he won’t chase me," I explained, shrugging.

"She’s probably right," she agreed.

"I know," I sighed. "But I can’t afford to accept. I don’t see myself leaving. I feel good here. She understands that I don’t want to be away from her, so it’s fine."

"Do you know why she reacted that way?"

"She was afraid I’d regret choosing her over a good opportunity, you know. I made it clear that wouldn’t happen."

"It’s a bit absurd, isn’t it?"

"You know, I think Lucy has never missed a single opportunity for her professional career. Look at where she is now… It might be absurd to us, but not to her."

"I see... Well, it’s perfect if everything’s settled."

Ale has such a big heart. I love her for that. We walked through the dorm doors to reach the outside.

"Hey, girls," Patri called out to us. "You’re a little late this morning, aren’t you? 

We are greeted by all our friends gathered near the entrance. Even Alba and her girlfriend were there. Misa has been surprising me by hanging out with us more often since they started showing up together. In just three days, she’s been with us constantly, much to Ale's dismay. I could tell Ale wasn't thrilled with the situation. I found it a bit difficult too. I wasn't talking to Alba as much as I did before the holidays. For a while, I had the impression her girlfriend held a grudge against me. That seemed to fade once she found out I was dating someone. It was clear she didn't like my relationship with her girlfriend, and the last thing I wanted was to reignite any tension. Why does everyone always see me as a threat? It’s not like I’m trying to go after everyone, quite the opposite!

“Sorry, we were hanging out in the hallway,” my roommate defends us.

“Good thing it wasn’t Bronze who kept you back,” someone jokes.

A slight irritation creeps up inside me. Ever since I started dating her, I’ve had less patience for comments like that. There’s no one sweeter than Lucy on this earth. It’s crazy that she’s gotten such a reputation around here.

“You all seriously need to stop making her out to be a monster. I’ve already told you she’s not nearly as bad as you think.”

“Okay, I think we’ll take that as our cue to leave,” Ale says, grabbing my shoulders and steering me toward the cafeteria. I immediately regret my outburst as I catch the others’ glances. I hadn’t meant to let my words get the best of me. I need to calm down.

“Let it go,” Alexia murmurs. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

I take a long breath and exhale slowly. Checking to make sure we’ve put some distance between us, I say, “But seriously, it’s so frustrating! You know her now too. You know she’s not as cruel as everyone says.”

“I know, but relax. Now’s not the time to show everyone how much she means to you. You’ve already got Leah and Alessia watching your every move; I think that’s enough, don’t you?”

I growl in frustration. Ale keeps going, as if to drive her point home.

“We’re almost done with the school year, and besides, Lucy chose this reputation for herself. There’s nothing you can do to change it.”

“She only did that to protect herself,” I sigh. “I hate it, you have no idea.”

“Just a few more weeks in this environment, and then it’ll all be over. You’ll be fine.”

I nod reluctantly. She’s right—it would be foolish to ruin everything now, but it’s tough.

“And what about you? How are things with Alba?” I ask, shifting the conversation.

I had noticed that things weren’t perfect. Like me, Ale had been keeping her distance. I know they’re together in class, so I don’t see everything.

“Not great. I think Alba expects me to reveal who my girlfriend is ever since she introduced me to Misa.”

“I see... Maybe it’s time to tell her, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “This charade has lasted long enough, and I’m tired of lying to her weekend after weekend. Plus, I also need to figure out how to tell her I’m not going back to live with my grandparents after school.”

“Is that a final decision?” I ask, surprised.

I can’t hide my joy. If she’s moving in with Jenni, it means we’ll stay close even after leaving here. She laughs softly at my reaction.

“Of course. It’s been decided for a while now. I’m just scared to tell her it’s Jenni. She’s going to kill me, don’t you think? She’s older than me.”

“Lucy’s older than me too,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal. I think what matters to her right now is knowing who you’re seeing. I feel like dating Misa has been good for her. She seems in love. Maybe now she can relate to you and wants something more with Misa after school too. Have you asked her?”

“No,” Ale mutters. “I don’t like that girl very much.”

“Get to know her before you say that. She might turn out to be cool.”

“And you’re the one telling me this?”

“What can I say? You can’t just reject her. You wouldn’t want her to do that to Jenni, would you?”

“That’s true,” she sighs.

“Come on. What did you just tell me? Oh right, ‘It’ll be okay, don’t worry,’” I mimic her teasingly.

She laughs softly, nudging my shoulder. I laugh too, and we exchange a calm smile.

“Talk to her as soon as possible. She’s happy right now, so take advantage of it.”

“You’re right,” she says with determination. “I’ll try. Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. I’m here if you need support.”

She gives me a grateful smile as we reach the cafeteria. Along the way, I briefly spot Lucy heading to her table, her tray already full. I’m surprised she passed us so quickly. We exchange a small smile, which makes Ale laugh.

“You two really have a lot to learn about being discreet,” she teases.

“Oh, stop it,” I groan, playfully hitting her.

She laughs more. It’s only been three days, but it’s already hard. She’s right—we need to calm down if we don’t want to get caught. Sometimes, you have to make choices, and right now, I’d rather keep Lucy close than push her away.

Wednesday, March 3; 2:30 PM – During class.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alessia interrupts me during one of my exercises.

“You just did.”

I smile as I finish writing my last calculation on the sheet.

“Ha ha ha, very funny.”

“I think so too,” I reply, my smile widening.

“Seriously, can I?”

“You could have before. What’s up?”

“What do you see in her?”

I don’t need more context to know who she’s talking about. She’s seemed pretty distracted today. I wasn’t expecting her to still be thinking about my relationship. After all, we hadn’t talked about it since. Ale had suggested I address it since she’d noticed the criticism from her sister, but I hadn’t done anything. I was always afraid of confrontation.

“Why are you so interested, exactly?” I ask casually.

Deep down, I’m nervous, but it seems I’m not the only one. Alessia keeps her head down when I look at her, fidgeting with her fingers. I place my hand on hers, and immediately, our eyes meet. Hers are filled with sadness, which weighs heavily on me.

“What’s wrong?”

“I never hid that I liked you, Ona. I gave up on it a while ago, but I just wanted to know where I went wrong.”

Her honesty touches me. Alessia is such a remarkable girl. I’ve come to learn that after spending time with her. We have so much in common, especially our love for art. I shake my head to let her know she’s mistaken.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Alessia. I was already taken by her before we even met. That’s all.”

“Okay...” she murmurs. “But be honest. If you had met me first, could you have liked me as more than a friend?”

I look up at the ceiling, pondering her question. Like I’d told Lucy before, Alessia could have been my type. But would I have been able to open up to her and trust her like I do with Lucy? The answer is easy.

“I could have,” I admit. “In different circumstances.”

The hope in her eyes fades just as quickly as it appeared. I hate hurting her like this, but I can’t lie to her. She deserves the truth.

“It’s no secret. I have a troubled past, and I struggled to get through it. No offense, but you wouldn’t have been able to help me the way she did. I never thought I could open up to anyone again or even find myself... But she did the impossible, and I could never thank her enough.”

“How? She seems so... I don’t know. Detached from everything.”

I laugh softly. She's so right. Lucy is a completely different person here.

"It's just a mask, you know. She's not like that in real life. She broke me down just to rebuild me. The bond we share is special. It's strong and, most importantly, based on trust."

"Okay," she replies, followed by a deep breath. "You seem happy... and in love, too."

"I am," I confirm with a small smile. "Losing her would destroy me."

She nods thoughtfully, taking her time before responding.

"What does she think of me? I feel like she doesn’t like me much. Maybe I'm wrong, but she seems to react very coldly toward me compared to the rest of your friends."

I chuckle. If only she knew. No one gets accepted on the first try. Still, I can't deny that every time Lucy crosses paths with her by my side, she looks like she could kill her with her eyes.

"She knows that you like me. I told her that at the very beginning, during a conversation."

"You told her what?" she chokes out. "Oh my God, that explains everything! She must hate me!"

I burst out laughing, drawing the attention of our teacher for the first time. He looks up to give us a stern glare. We've been working independently for half an hour, which is why we've been able to talk so freely. I calm down immediately, not wanting him to forbid all conversation or, worse, send us out of class.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that. She's just jealous," I say, pointing to my neck. "But she doesn't hate you. She doesn't even know you."

"She hates me, and she has her reasons," she insists. "Oh my God, why did you tell her that!?"

I struggle to hold back my laughter. Her expression is priceless. If I could record it, I would. I catch our teacher's eye again, and his stare instantly silences me. I pretend to get back to work to avoid any further attention, but I glance at Alessia, who has also bent over her table.

"You're exaggerating. It was a dark time, and I was telling her a lot of things. What do you want me to say... I couldn't take back what she already knew."

"You could have kept it to yourself! Oh my God... What must she think of me now...? She’s going to kill me, for sure."

"Stop. You're being ridiculous."

I think I'm trying to reassure myself. As much as I comfort my girlfriend, she continues to fixate on my friend.

"She's trying to push me away from you, isn't she? Is that why she canceled our tutoring sessions?"

"Aren't you going a bit far?"

I take it lightly, but Alessia seems far from convinced, given her silence. After a moment, I sigh and continue speaking.

"No, she didn’t cancel our tutoring for that reason. She was helping me study long before you started doing it."

"Then why did you stop studying with her?"

"Because we had a falling out," I admit for the first time. "I wanted to distance myself to avoid getting hurt, but it ended up being a failure for both of us."

"Oh..." she replies, her expression showing that she suddenly understands.

"If she wanted to start tutoring me again, it was partly to reconnect, but also because my grades had dropped. My mood was one reason, but it's also because her study methods worked better for me."

"Are you saying I wasn't a good enough teacher?" she squints at me.

"No," I laugh. "Sorry. It's just that with her, I tend to daydream less, you know? She's more strict and serious."

She raises an eyebrow, making it clear that she doesn't entirely believe me. Alexia's words come back to me. They think I'm not really studying with her after class. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, I know you and your sister talk behind our backs."

I give her a moment to respond, but she doesn't, so I continue.

"I really do study with her after class, nothing more. I'm two years behind, Alessia. Don’t you think I have a lot of work to catch up on? Her help is invaluable, and I’m grateful to have her. She stays serious, even with our relationship. She doesn't mix the two."

"Really...?"

For the first time, she seems to be doubting herself. I know then that I've won, that she’s finally going to believe me.

"Yes, really," I confirm. "I have proof in my bag with a whole ton of exercise sheets she gave me to complete before the final exams."

"Is that why you asked the teachers for old chapters?"

"Yes. I need them to review, but also to refresh Lucy's memory."

"She studied management?" she asks, surprised.

"It's more complicated than that, but partially, yes."

"Okay..." she murmurs. "I guess you'll be meeting her tonight as well?"

"Yeah. Plus, today is a special day. It’s our one-month anniversary," I admit.

"Oh! Already? I thought it was less time..."

"No, no, it’s been a month," I confirm proudly.

"Well... I’m sorry for talking about you two."

"It's fine. I understand your reasons. I don’t leave you guys out on purpose, you know."

"I know... I just hope she won't ask you to end our friendship because of what she knows."

"She won't. She knows my friends are important to me, even if she gets jealous. You’re not the first one to go through this."

"If you could tell her that I accepted a long time ago that we’re just friends, it would help," she laughs softly.

"I’ll do that, I promise," I laugh along with her.

"I'm happy to count you as a friend, even if sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow, surprised.

"Well... you talk about your past so much, but no one really knows anything. Don’t take it the wrong way, but it feels like there are missing pieces to the puzzle, you know? But it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to share, it’s very personal."

I nod, even though her words leave me deep in thought. Do Mapi and Alexia feel the same way? They’re my best friends, but they don’t know either. Unlike Alessia, they’ve never mentioned it. What if they think the same and just haven’t said anything?

"Anyway," she continues, pulling me from my thoughts, "you deserve happiness. If Lucy is your source of that, then hold onto her tightly."

I smile awkwardly, feeling uneasy from her last words.

"Thanks, Alessia."

"Miss Batlle, Miss Russo. Do I need to permanently change your seats to ensure you get your work done?"

I jump as our teacher stands in front of us. Fortunately, he grabs my sheet, not Alessia's, who, from what I saw, hasn’t made as much progress as I have. I feel increasingly proud to surpass her lately, even if I still doubt my answers. After examining my sheet, the teacher gives me a disapproving look, earning a cheeky smile from me. Judging by his expression, maybe I got it right after all.

"Get back to work," he says sharply. "It would be a shame to waste these last minutes and end up getting kicked out for the weekend."

He places my sheet back down and walks away. Alessia and I share a mischievous smile before getting back to work. If I get kicked out now, I’ll lose much more than a weekend, not to mention the scolding I’d get from my girlfriend. Finally, the last few minutes tick by, freeing us from these never-ending classes. Time is starting to drag, and I have to admit, I feel more and more uncomfortable in this stifling environment.

"Are you going to meet her?" Alessia asks me.

"Yeah," I reply, adjusting my bag on my shoulders. "I’d like to get my homework done so I can relax."

"I get it. Well, see you at dinner tonight."

"Yep, see you later."

I head off as she waits for her sister and Lotte. I quickly find myself in front of Lucy’s office. Surprisingly, the door is closed. I knock three times as usual and feel compelled to wait for the signal before entering. I'm caught off guard when I find Wiegman in my usual spot. A wave of panic washes over me, but seeing her relaxed demeanor, I realize she’s not here for the reasons I feared.

- "Hello, Ona," she greets me.

- "Hello..." I respond hesitantly.

- "How are you?" she asks, more out of politeness. "You're here for your revisions, I suppose? Miss Bronze mentioned it to me."

- "Uh... yes."

I look to Lucy for support, but all I get is a stern look before the director turns to her. She smiles as if nothing's out of the ordinary. From all this, I understand I need to play along.

- "I assume this is your spot," she says, standing up. "I'll leave it to you. Anyway, we're done here. Do you have any questions?"

- "No, I think that will be all," Lucy replies with a small smile. "Thank you for stopping by to give me the latest details."

- "It's no problem."

I wait by her side, expecting her to move so I can take my seat, but I realize we’re far from that when she turns to smile at me.

- "I’ve received a lot of good feedback about you this week. If we disregard the chatting, one might almost think you've become a model student. We're all pleased, so keep it up."

She pats my shoulder as if we're old friends, before finally deciding to leave with a final goodbye. I sigh and drop into the chair, the tension melting away. Lucy laughs softly.

- "It's not funny! I really thought she'd figured everything out! What was she doing here?"

- "She brought me the latest details for your upcoming outing in a few weeks. I thought she'd leave before you arrived, but you know how she is—once she starts talking, there's no stopping her."

- "Hmm..."

I groan in frustration. I don't like having my emotions toyed with like that. She teases me gently while I unpack my things. I’ve got a test next week and a few exercises, so I've got plenty to prepare tonight.

- "So, you're still chatting, huh?" she teases with a playful grin. "Maybe I should resume my punishments to remind you of the importance of class. Or perhaps I should request that you be moved when you're seated next to your friend."

I roll my eyes with exaggerated amusement.

- "Any excuse is good. I thought we weren’t mixing personal relationships with work, huh?"

- "I'm not mixing anything."

- "Oh really? Because I still sense a bit of jealousy in your words. Why only move me away from her when I talk just as much to her sister or Lotte?"

- "Are you suggesting I isolate you alone at a table? Though, that’s not a bad idea."

I laugh and shake my head. She's beyond reasoning at this point. But mentioning Alessia reminds me of the recent conversation I had with her.

- "Hey," I say calmly. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"

- "Of course."

- "Do you think Mapi and Ale might be upset with me because I’ve never told them about my past?"

Lucy furrows her brows.

- "Have they given you any reason to think that, either through their words or actions?"

- "No, no. It’s just that I had a conversation with someone. They kind of hinted that they don't know me well enough because they don't know what I went through before I came here... So, I started wondering."

- "That person sounds a bit too nosy, if you ask me."

I bite my lip. Thank goodness I didn't mention Alessia by name.

- "It’s just that they might not be entirely wrong. I know why all my friends are here."

The many conversations we’ve had at the table have allowed me to figure it out. The first ones I learned about were the Putellas siblings, thanks to Ale. Then I learned about Patri and Claudia, who grew drugs for their neighborhood. There’s also Lotte, who went through a rebellious phase after his dad left their home. She used to get into fights and committed some vandalism. Her mom didn’t hesitate long before enrolling her in this school to get her back on track. That story surprised me the most. I can’t picture her as a fighter. She’s so calm and quiet around us. Just goes to show how deceiving appearances can be. As for Leah and Alessia, their story is a bit more complicated. It took me a while before Leah opened up to me. I already knew it had something to do with drugs since my detox. She was knowledgeable, and that's what brought us closer back then. She told me in private that they lived in rough neighborhoods in London due to their family situation. To survive in school, they had to join their local gang with Alessia. Unfortunately, they got caught during a fight with another gang the same day their father landed a better-paying job in Manchester. This caused them a lot of trouble. With the help of their lawyer, they were released on the condition that they collaborate and join the Wiegman Camp. Of course, they accepted, as this also provided them with a free higher education while allowing them to follow their parents to Manchester@.

- "So what?" Lucy continues. "That doesn't mean your friends don't know you. The past doesn’t define a person entirely. It's also about how they handle situations, their reactions, and their way of thinking, for example. How do you think they know someone had a painful past, hmm?"

- "Well... I told them..."

- "Everyone can tell you've had a difficult past, Ona."

- "Really? Even without me saying it?"

- "You never told me, and yet I knew it the first day I met you. I just had to look at you. You were fearful, hiding it behind your tough defensive attitude."

I blush, remembering our first encounter. She had thrown me out of bed, and I had stood my ground. I thought she was looking down on me with her airs, but in the end, she just wanted to break through my shell from day one.

- "Who said they didn’t know you?" she asks again, determined to find out.

- "It doesn’t matter," I mutter.

- "Are you sure?"

- "Yes. I was just worried about Mapi and Alexia. I was afraid they might feel the same way. I don’t want them to think I don’t trust them or that they don’t know me well enough."

She sighs softly and leans forward to take my hand in hers. I immediately catch her gaze when I lift my head.

- "I imagine this person who made you feel this way wasn’t Alexia, if you’re saying this."

- "No... It wasn’t her."

- "Then that means it’s a friend you’re not as close to..." she muses aloud. "Whether it’s that person or even the girls, you don’t have to tell them anything unless you want to. The girls know you well enough. They understand your boundaries without knowing everything about what you’ve been through, am I right?"

I nod. Of course they do. But Alessia doesn’t, and I realize what Lucy is trying to tell me.

- "Telling them everything would just satisfy their curiosity... Because deep down, they already know you well enough."

I smile shyly, nodding. I understand her point. A past can shape us, but I don’t need to reveal it to know who I am. Our reactions and actions define us well enough. To think I almost had regrets because of Alessia.

- "Thank you."

Her response is to bring my hand to her lips for a kiss. Lucy’s romantic side is something I never would have guessed at the beginning of our relationship. I need to step up to meet her level of devotion.

- "You're very welcome, beautiful."

- "Do you think I should tell them...?"

- "They deserve to know what hurt you, especially Mapi, given all the support she’s given you. It’s the same for Alexia, I think. But you shouldn’t force yourself. Do it when you’re ready."

- "I-I think I am. I really love them so much. They’ve supported me through everything. Even with you. If there’s anyone I want to tell, it’s them."

- "Then tell them. I’ll be by your side if you need support."

I shake my head. If I’m going to do this, it has to be on my own. Even though I’d love her presence, I need to handle this by myself. It’s the only way for me to build my confidence.

- "I guess they’ll be getting a girls' night without you... if you don’t mind."

She laughs heartily and kisses my fingers again.

- "Not at all, baby. As long as you stay reasonable when I’m not around."

- "I promise. You know, we never really talked about it, but I appreciate how we've managed to bring our friends together like this."

- "Me too," she admits. "We’re creating our own little group, and it’s wonderful. It brings us even closer."

I smile, wholeheartedly agreeing with her. "Us." It's a word that still gives me butterflies when she says it. I can’t wait to officially start our life together.

[the-moon-devi]

🩵 Dreams 💭

I've realized the more I sleep, the easier it is for me to lucid dream. But, I have to sleep for 4-5 hours, wake up for a little while, and then go back to sleep. It works every time.

Another thing I just randomly started doing was sleeping with a glass of water and crystals next to my bed. I think of it as my dream altar. I used to go to bed with the intention to get answers, but now I genuinely use sleep as an escape to get away from this reality because earth is genuinely a lot, lol.

My first lucid dream of the year, I hadn't been practicing "reality checks" like most people do. In fact, I wasn't even intending to lucid my dream. I guess it was instinctual to look down at my hands and realize I was in a dream because something just felt off, lol. The first time, my hands deformed, and I couldn't count 5 digits for $hit because they kept changing. Both hands and feet.

The second time I had a lucid dream, I looked down at my hands again, realizing I was in a dream. The thing is, this time, they were normal. During this time, I was doing reality checks in the waking world. And I believe it's my brain tricking me to believe I'm still awake. idk, but my memory must be good asf to get my hands down to a T. But that still didn't trick me because I just knew I was in a dream, or I believed it was still me, just in a different realm/reality. This also happened for the 3rd time I lucid dreamed this year, so I'm just wondering what that means since most of the time. your brain can't duplicate intricate details like that. and I feel like I wasn't doing the reality checks frequently enough to remember them that vividly. I would also pinch myself and count my fingers in real life.

I don't know if you guys have watched the movie Inception, but please watch it. It awoke something inside of me. And I feel like after I watched that, I started experiencing similar things but not as intense. For example, when I had my first lucid dream for this year, I got kinda scared, so I told myself to wake up, and I looked, up, and I felt my soul travel into my bed, but it wasn't like my actual bed, if that makes sense. I feel like my soul went into another me in a different reality. SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ in inception, a similar thing happened, they would have a dream inside of a dream if that makes sense. If you watched it, then you know, and even down to when I felt myself waking up, I would begin to see that world fall apart like in inception in the beginning when water started flooding the building.

So, this year has been very eventful in terms of dreaming and vivid. I've always had vivid dreams, but I got to see and hold one of my future children; dreaming is one of the ways I get answers for myself.. because you know how diviners can always read for others but can't read for themselves. That's me, lol. So dreams give me the most accurate answers, and I believe them because I know who they are coming from rather than going to someone outside of myself. Astrologically, my solar return for this year consists of a fat 12h stellium. ik. that has a lot to do with why I'm experiencing these intense dreams. Along with my endless moon energy, lol.

If ya'll have any tips on astral projection, lucid dreaming, or anything about dreaming, etc... feel free to share..I'll be talking about this more in my tumblr community (which is private, so comment or inbox me if you want to join!) I won't be sharing my Dreams tho, lol I'm a little too shy for that but definitely enjoy talking about dreaming it's something i really enjoy.

[stars4noah]

i love you.- noah s.

warnings- angst, suicide mention if you squint

w.c- 602

a.n- i am so not sorry for this

my heart broke when he spoke those three words.

'i love you.'

he loved me, but i didn't love him. i couldn't love him. so i left. the moment he spoke those words i stood up and left. no explanation, no apology, nothing. i wish he would take it back. say it was all just a joke, that he was trying to make me laugh. or maybe he didn't even mean to say it.

i sat in my apartment, staring at the wall. i wasn't good for him. i knew i was a bad person, so why would he love me? how could he possibly love someone like me? despite the countless times he reassured me that i wasn't what i thought i was, i couldn't get it out of my head that he was wrong.

so why was i driving back to his apartment now?

why was i hugging him so tightly, telling him that i was sorry? that i didn't want to leave? that i loved him?

why did i give him that smile that he absolutely adored even though i felt like dying?

i wasn't happy. i'd never been truly happy for years. and now i was pretending that i was as we laid on his roof, staring at the stars. i didn't smile. i couldn't smile. and i loved him, i knew i did. but god i wish i didn't. i hated the way i loved him.

so in the middle of the night, i wrote him a note. a note that spoke of how i truly felt.

noah,

i love you. i really do love you. you make me feel things that i didn't think were possible in the years that i have been alive. but i'm not good for you. you deserve someone better than me. you deserve to be happy, to live a good life, to be successful. you deserve every good thing that comes to you. which is why i have to leave you. because i can't give you those things while i am here.

i hope your band takes off. i hope you achieve all of your dreams and goals. i hope you fall in love. i hope you think of me when you're on stage, singing like your heart depended on it. i hope you get over me. i love you.

-y/n

with tear stained cheeks, i left. i left like i always do, and i went to the place nobody knew about. the only one who did know about it was noah. but he was sleeping. so i could go in peace. yeah, sure, he would see my car. he would see my note. but he wouldn't see me, because i was g-

"y/n!!"

i froze at the sound of my name, whipping my head around before i was tackled to the ground by a sobbing noah.

i just sat there, shocked and tearful as he held onto me like a lifeline. he was speaking to me, but i couldn't hear it. everything was so muffled, everything was blurry. i looked at him as he cupped my face, seeing his heartbroken expression.

and i realized then. maybe i could try. maybe i could try to be happy, to allow myself to be loved. instead of trying to lie to myself. i didn't mean to make him cry. i never wanted him to cry. i wanted him to be happy, and i believed that he could achieve that without me.

maybe i was wrong.

maybe i did mean it when the whispered words of "i love you" spilled from my lips.

[psycholattemacchiato]

Rescue Or Be Rescued. That Is The Question.

Pairing: Dominique Luca x male!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, trans m!reader, ftm reader, bodydysphoria, secrets,

Summary: Since you can think SWAT was your dream. But being Trans didn't help easing your way. Though you made it through SWAT Academy whole and are completely feeling safe with the team of 20 Squad, you can't jump over your shadow and tell them about your, well problem. So when it gets too much and you distance yourself from the people you were starting to call family they sense, that something is off, but give you time and space. But you are only falling down a deep, black hole, not able to cry for help without revealing your darkest secret.

Word Count: 2k Words

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SWAT has always been your dream. You know that. A couple year back, you wouldn't have believed that you'd be standing where you are right now.

In the conference room with your teammates. The 20 Squad.

It is just after a raid. And you are getting your daily dose of criticism from Hondo and Hicks. Though in today's raid everything went smoothly, the both of them still saw ways to improve, and you get that somewhere. But a part of you just wants to go home. Cry yourself to sleep or just stare at the wall for the rest of the night.

That has been your days recently. Stand up, go to work, snack a little, go home, shower and sleep or stare at walls in your apartment.

All because of some damn secret, you weren't sure, you could share with the team just yet. Even though you have been paired with the squad since two and a half years now.

The right moment was just never in reach for you to tell them. You wanted to, but how should you have done it?

'Hey guys. You know, I just wanted to tell you I'm Transgender. I hope this doesn't change anything between us.'

Because it would change everything. But lately it has eaten you alive, to keep that from your friends, hell your family. Because they mattered to you. Especially Luca.

He was always there, lending you an ear or giving you advice when you were a cadet training in the academy. Even back then you had a little crush on him, but you were sure it would pass with time.

Oh Boy, how wrong you were. That little crush you had was nothing compared to the simping you'd do whenever you could.

And he was asking you more frequently lately, if everything was okay, but you just shrugged him off, saying everything was fine. You didn't want to burden anyone with these problems of yours.

Fingers snapping in front of your face got you out of your thoughts.

"Ey Y/n! You comin' with us? We wanna grab some drinks." Luca asks you, once you blink twice to remind you where you are. "Nah, I'll pass. Thanks for the offer though"

Does it just seem to you or is a sad expression laid over Luca's face for a split second?

"Oh okay, good night then!" "You too guys. Have fun!"

You turn around and start walking t the locker room to get your backpack and keys.

In the locker room you are met face to face with Tan. "Hey, can I ask you something personal?" He asks. You alt in your movements and nod slowly.

"How come you never change your clothes here? I've never seen you come or go in your normal clothes?" You swallow hard. So they noticed.

What should you say? The truth and risk getting ignored? Or just some little lie.

"Uhm, I actually don't even really know myself. I guess it's just a thing I had going on since elementary school. I couldn't do that dressing shit while others were in the room. Insecurity I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to invade your privacy." "Hell, I wouldn't have answered if you invaded my personal space." You grin and shoulder your bag. You wave him goodbye and walk out the door.

What a close call.

On your drive home you keep on replaying the scene in your head. Is it so obvious? That you evade getting dressed in public dressing rooms? Maybe. But they all could neither see the binders and tapes you are wearing to conceal your chest, nor should they see all of the scars on your body. The scars that you never were proud of getting. The scars you made yourself. All over your body. Your arms. Your legs. Your stomach.

And all those scars wouldn't be there if you weren't born in that fucking body. But you couldn't change it. And it bothered you.

It bothers you that you joined the police to help saving people, but you can't save yourself. Not without help of outsiders at least.

You hit the wheel of your car out of frustration. You know you can't continue like that. But you also can't do anything. It's like a carousel.

Once you reach home, you park the car and open the apartment.

You hop in the shower to wash all the sweat off, and fall in your bed afterwards. But you aren't tired. You are tired of keeping up a facade and your mind is tired too, but your body can't rest somehow.

When your alarm rings you didn't sleep a single second. You are relieved that you finally get to do something again. Get your mind off your personal problems. You dress up in uniform and exit your apartment.

The ride to HQ was quiet and there were luckily no traffic jams. In HQ the first person you ran into was Luca. "Hey, my favorite teammate! You're here early." You smile and answer: "Yeah couldn't sleep. Morning too."

"Hey, are you okay? Your eyes are really red and you have deep circles under your eyes. Have you been sleeping?" "I'm fine thanks." You try evading. "You know if there is anything I can do, reach out to me. Please. You're family." You nod, your lips pressed to a thin line.

With the mood now killed you excuse yourself and bury yourself the whole day in work.

On the end of the day Luca comes to you again. "Hey, do you want to crash at our place tonight? Maybe sleeping somewhere else could get you a cap of sleep. You really don't look so good. Please? For me?"

"Fine. Thank you" He nods and guards you to his car. You try to protest, that you have your own car but he insists on you two driving together. The ride was comfortable and you both were vibing to the music coming from the radio.

At Luca and Street's home, you are greeted with a happy Duke, who was eager to greet both of you.

"Hey, you know what, I'll make some dinner, and you can take a shower if you want."

That's when it hit you. "Fuck. I don't have any spare clothes with me." "Don't worry I'll lend you something of mine. Does Sweats and a Hoodie sound okay?"

"Sounds perfect Luca, thanks."

So after Luca hands you the clothes you go to the bathroom, and take a short shower, and slip into his clothes afterwards. When you get to the kitchen again, you get hit by a smell, so amazing it makes your stomach growl loudly.

"Wow, so hungry?" You smile sheepishly. "Thanks again." You say.

"Yeah no worries. Now eat up. I never see you eat at work, you must be really hungry."

"I don't eat at work, or after or before. Just some snacks in between breaks." You admit.

"A reason more to eat up." And with that he starts digging in too.

After the food the two of you sit on the couch and start watching TV. Until Luca suddenly sits up and turns to look at you.

"Hey, real talk right now. What's going on? You are mentally absent very often lately. You have deep circles under your eyes, I bet you don't sleep enough, and you don't eat regularly. And don't tell me everything's fine. Because it's not."

You are shocked for a second, but then all feelings hit you like a wall. They come crashing down on you and you just burst into tears.

"Hey, hey hey! Talk to me. Please!" Luca puts his arms around you and rubs your back in a soothing motion. You lean in the hug and start sobbing, finally letting your feelings out.

"I can't do this anymore." "What can you not do anymore?" "Keeping it from you. Everything"

"You know Luca. I became a cop to rescue people. But now I need rescuing. And I should have asked for help a long time ago. But I couldn't." You explain through sobs. "I always had a rough time. Always wanted to be like others. Wanted to be like the other dudes at the academy. But I just couldn't. Because of one difference. I was never born male. I was born as a female, but that never felt right. But wherever I went I couldn't fit in. I was too different. So I started punishing myself for something I did not even have power over." You sniff and pull the sleeve of the hoodie up, to show your scars. Scattered all over your arm.

"Oh Y/n! Why haven't you told us? We would have helped you through this. We are family. Remember?"

"But you will all see me differently now, won't you? Now that you know I'm trans?"

"That doesn't change anything. And I think I can speak for the whole team there."

He cups your face in his hands. "You matter to us. You are important to us. You hear me?" You nod. "Good." Then he pulls you even closer, for another hug.

"Thank you for your trust. And thank you for telling me all that." He says as he pulls away. Now come on. Let's get you to sleep. I'll show you my bed."

"And where are you going to sleep?"

"The couch."

"But-" He just shakes his head and you stop.

He guides you do his bedroom and tucks you in. Then he turns around to walk away. But you catch his wrist before he slips out of the room.

"Stay. Please?" You ask quietly.

"You sure?" He raises an eyebrow. You nod. "Alright let me change real quick and I'll come in a sec."

He returns a few minutes later and finds you sitting in his bed, waiting patiently for him.

"I thought you fell to sleep already." You just shake your head at that.

"Y/n can I ask you something?" "Sure thing" You answer as he makes himself comfortable and you turn around to face him.

"Do you maybe, maybe want to go and drink coffee or something tomorrow?"

"You asking me on a date?"

"Maybe? Don't know? Yes?"

You take a deep breath and close your eyes when you lean in, and peck him on the lips.

"That an answer?" You ask nervously.

"Depends. Should that have been a kiss? You gotta do it again then if your answer was a yes."

"Alright, you really gonna make me say it?" You sigh.

"Yup"

"Fine. I like you Dominique Luca! And I will go on a date with you."

"That's what I wanted to hear." And with that he grabs your face and pulls you in for a proper kiss.

A long and affectionate kiss. And when you part for air, he tells you: "You know you are the most beautiful man, I have ever met. I fell for you the moment you came up to me and asked me for advice in improving your skills at shooting, back when you were in the academy. But now sleep. Please"

"Only if you cuddle me."

Not even a second later you feel his hands wrapping around you, and his warmth embracing you.

"You know, I fell for you the moment I saw you too."

"Mhm. G'dnight Baby." He mumbles to your ear.

A minute later you hear a steady breathing from him.

That sound of him breathing steadily and his arms around you, were the things that lulled you to sleep after just a few minutes of listening to him sleeping peacefully.