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luv-gukkie · 7 months ago

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★j𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 ★

pairing: yandere! min yoongi x f. reader

genre: fluff? || smut || non-idol au || yandere

summary: after a couple of months of just staring at the same four walls, you realize you do love yoongi as much as he loves you, or maybe you’re just trying to survive.

word count: +2.1k

tags/warnings: yoongi kidnaps reader, unprotected sex, yoongi is delusional asf...(a ‘bit’ crazy in the head), pregnancy, murder(s), stockholm syndrome, mentions of drugging, unconsensual touching, dom! yoongi, sub!reader, stalking, reader starts going crazy lowkey

notes: this is more like a small drabble for yoongi :) and its kinda written to show that the reader is losing her mind, sorry if it’s confusing!

༻❤︎︎ ★ ★ ❤︎︎༺

min yoongi was a man of a few words. he liked to relax his mind with his own devices; never one to say much with other people, even to himself. he was an introvert from the very start. his past relationships were always left in pieces; left with girls in tears while munching on tubs of ice cream left and right from such a lousy boyfriend who never cared about them. how he couldn't save their relationship from ruins, leaving it to dissolve with no worries at all for the future of what they could be. if he's honest, yoongi doesn't even know (or care to) how he managed to get women to go out with him. what he thought was just a couple of hookups was actually a relationship to some of his 'girlfriends'. maybe, he just couldn't understand women or maybe, just maybe, he was a sleazy ass who preferred to be by himself.

but, yoongi preferred to say that he loved his alone time more and wasn't prepared for a full-time relationship. the peace that he had built within his mind was enough for him. yoongi didn't really need anything else around him except for money, which was his income from working a boring office job from nine to five; monday to friday with decaf coffee in his hands daily and blue light glasses to protect him from the screen of his desktop.

the constant noise of the people around him were just annoying crowds that he couldn't handle. that was until he landed his eyes on you. it's a day he clearly remembers from sunrise to dawn. how could he ever forget seeing such a pretty face?

it was just his luck that his apartment was far from the city. one word could describe his apartment: perfect. the land was extremely quiet since no one else lived around. the only exceptional noise that would interrupt the silence would be the animals: the deers that would constantly communicate with the others, bunnies hopping around, hummingbirds that chirp with soft ends, or the baby opossums that would sneeze to get their parents' attention. yoongi's house had more than enough of love. he lived for it. however, it never hurts to add more to a loving house, especially when he was missing someone by his side. yoongi couldn't believe his luck on how this apartment was so excluded from the world; from the hands of society. it's exactly what he needed when he wanted to play his guitar with no one knocking on his door to disturb him. or when he wanted to listen to his music out loud, or to keep you safe in his home. its like it was meant to hide someone inside it, and the best part is that no one would ever know. no person can search somewhere they don't know exist. in other words, you were meant to be his.

the second you were inside, yoongi had basically erased your existence from earth. your missing poster left on wooden poles, shops, and shown on the news. and yet, not a single trace of you was found; questions about your appearance went unanswered. everyone was clueless on what could've happened to you. your disappearance was a complete mystery to everyone: where had you gone?

are you still alive?

it was uncomfortable to wake up. your head was pounding and the dizziness that took place in your head only further pushed you to have nausea. "finally." a deep, unsettling voice boomed out of somewhere. startled by the sudden noise, you quickly glance up to catch sight of a man's eyes. he stood right next to the door. that was the beginning of a new chapter. you were slipping away from sanity as time passed. most of the time, you were left alone. 'where am i?' You just sat on the bed trying to figure out what happened; what was happening. the man who stood in the corner — you learned his name was Yoongi — left after a while. he would talk a little with you before leaving the room, saying something about grocery shopping.

you kept up a calm facade for the sake of survival. You had to or else you didn't know what your captor would do to you. you had full knowledge that he had the possibility of hurting you, or even worse, he could kill you. just like he had the guts to take you from your own freedom and dreams from when you were a little girl.

but there was no stopping time. it crept up until you realized that you've done nothing to help yourself get out. you've sat there day and night, acting like a good girl for him when it wasn't even you who wanted to be there. you've wasted seconds that led into days and you hope that it doesn't go on to years because you've truly lost yourself in this house. so, you prepared and waited until he left to act out. what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

as soon as Yoongi disappeared from your room and heard another door close, you took the opportunity to do what you don't usually do. all your yells for help and screams of desperation were drowned by the trees. You kept losing hope each wasted second. you were watching it slowly fall away from your grasp, and you couldn't do anything. the remorse of watching as the days went by and you were still stuck in a room locked in by your captor. It was just him and you. You and him. but he swore on the stars that when the time comes, it will no longer just be him and you, but mini-hims and mini-yous waddling around the house.

the small interactions you had with him were uncomfortably awkward for you, and you could clearly tell that he knew. and yet, he stuck around, choosing to stay and 'talk' with you. he didn't want you to think you were alone. he would be there for you.

as the weeks passed, the situation worsened for you. at first it was him moving into the room along with his things, then the part where he started sleeping next to you, and eventually to changing in front of you, touching you, and kissing you. Soon enough, it got more intense. That's when you knew you had to get out someway. You knew what step was next when his touching didn't stop at a few pecks. yoongi began to play with your tits, holding your ass tight to his crotch every night. you just couldn't get away from him.

everything was fucking shut tight. you felt the heat of anger crawling in your body. each window was locked, even the cabinets were locked. there were also hidden cameras. it was just your luck when you had found one in the bedroom hidden perfectly. you were very surprised when you saw it peeking out of the lights. it just proved to you that yoongi was a fucking lunatic. he had been watching you and you were fucking clueless about it. but it also meant that there could of been hundreds of these tiny cameras recording you. you needed to get out.

you couldn't take it any longer. You were watched every single second. You were touched when he was home. You just couldn't keep it going like this. it was your breaking point. you screamed, sobbed, and whimpered at the fact that you were here. 'pathetic', you thought. there you were crying miserably on your mattress without trying to escape.

you heard the door open and then close, you dug your head into your pillow as the footsteps came closer. "it's okay." You immediately felt the presence of Yoongi by your side, pulling you up into a hug. he was panting. "I was worried about you." The hug got tighter. "I came here as fast as I could."

yoongi had worried about you. in that moment, you realized that maybe you gave up long ago. That's why you let him do what he did, after all, a whole year did pass without your knowledge. missing posters crumbling on the floor as the world continued to revolve without your existence. You had gotten used to his presence, his kisses, his behavior, and his love towards you. You were so frightened at first and used his attraction for you as a shield.

he kissed your lips gently before sticking his tongue inside of your mouth. your arms unconsciously wrapped around him. And for the first time, you let him touch you with his love and lust. the unbuckling of his belt made goosebumps grow out of excitement. With one thrust, your pussy sucked him in whole. Yoongi lowly groaned while you whimpered at the sudden feeling of his cock inside of you."I love you."

Yoongi waited. Were you going to say it back? his hips pounded into you with a harsh pace. You guttered nonsense as you quickly held onto his shoulders for support. the overstimulation flourishing on your cunt as his cock disappeared inside of you. "I-I love you..."

He kissed your nose gently. Yoongi stayed still until you came, cunt squirting around his cock with need. He moved his cock out slowly before filling you back in, his hot tip reach your cervix. a smile on his lips as he continued to repeat his desperate actions. a yearn in him to hear you moan in his ears louder. to make sure his cockhead reached your soft spot good enough that you would be whimpering under him as his cock perfectly managed to hit your g-spot. yoongi sucked on your skin, groaning against it as your pussy clenched around him. you were so perfect. his fingers dived into your hair as you milked his dick dry. his pace got sloppier, soft grunts escaping his throat as you legs wrapped him closer to you. yoongi pushed himself until he was deep inside of you, cumming with a loud moan leaving his lips. limbs comforting each other as the stars shined brightly until the sun outshined them once again.

the constant fear of you leaving had vanished in yoongi. replaced with a loving emotion that never left him once. While you slept in his arms, he eyed you. his fingers tracing over your arms, "I really do love you." And he meant that. That's why no one was ever around the area his apartment was in. He made sure the cameras he brought were in use to protect his territory from trespassers. buying red, bold signs to keep people out of what's supposed to be kept hidden, and for anyone who didn't listen, there's a reason he bought a shotgun. he killed anyone that passed the border between your world and reality. it's really the main reason for the cameras that were placed everywhere: inside and outside.

And as time passed rather quickly, your stomach grew and your tits swelled with milk. yoongi couldn't contain the pure excitement when he found out. you were pregnant with his child; a family both of you were able to grow out of dreams. yoongi smiled as he talked day and night, chuckling as he pressed his ear and hands to your stomach. he couldn't be happier that everything he dreamt of was finally happening.

All he had to do was wait and the perfect family he had planned for years prior had been achieved. you were clueless to everything he'd done, maybe cause of the constant drugs that he put in your food and drinks. secretly hiding away inside the locked cabinets. yoongi's lips kissed your head with softness while you carried his tiny daughter in your arms after nine months of constant patience and care. "I really do love you, __." the tears that swelled up in your eyes reminding you of your past; memories that once rested coming back to haunt you. you felt the knot inside your throat, the disgusting taste of wanting to throw up because of the gruesome sight in front of you. The doctor's snow-colored coat was splattered with his own blood. he was dead, stabbed to death by your yoongi. the knife in the middle of his chest tensing you up along with the other harsh cuts against his skin. "I had to", was all he repeated, "for our baby." his fingers gently wiping the tears from your cheeks, "say it." You felt like you couldn't breathe during that moment. everything was taking you back to day one. "i-", you paused as your voice trembled, "i love you." the pile of blood grew, drowning out the wooden floor. a faint pink colored yoongi's cheeks, "i love you more."

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brucewaynehater101 · 3 months ago

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Hurt/comfort AU based on a dream I had:

Tim has been Robin for a short time now.

Bruce finds Tim's fanfiction account.

At this point in time, Bruce has warmed up a little bit to Tim, but they still have a more professional relationship. Tim thinks he has to earn his spot still.

Bruce finds Tim's fanfiction account that has fics from before and after Tim becomes Robin.

The before ones are self-insert Bats ones. Plots like a nine, ten, and eleven year old being saved, being the witness to a crime, or solving the case before them. They all end with the self-insert joining the team.

The ones after Tim becomes Robin are filled with Batman being fatherly and kind to the self-insert (who's an additional vigilante) or to Robin. He'll ruffle their hair, hug them, and tell them that he's proud of them. All of this is stuff Bruce currently doesn't do for Tim.

There's only a few fics where Batman is written in embarrassed situations (and Bruce crossed referenced the upload dates. Some of the dates were after Bruce did something mean or fucked up. The others, Bruce has no idea why Tim might have been upset).

When Bruce first reads the fics, he's mad. He, incorrectly, assumes that Tim has always been trying to become part of the team and took the first opportunity available. He's cold to Tim for a few weeks because of this (because Bruce is an emotionally constipated asshole who doesn't communicate).

Then Bruce starts to notice that the relationships Tim describes in his fics don't match up with how their relationship currently is. The teen doesn't eagerly ramble about his activities, ask Bruce to hang out with him, or otherwise engage unless it's mission related.

In fact, Tim's fanfics seem to portray what doesn't happen in their interactions. With Bruce being cold to Tim, the self-insert gets more hugs, words of affection, and praise.

Bruce learns more about Tim's hobbies, likes, dislikes, and passions from the fanfics than he ever knew. Bruce has the startling realization that they just don't talk.

There's a few fics Bruce has been avoiding (the ones with Robin II tags), but he read the ones with Nightwing. Tons of brotherly bonding and affection, basically.

Bruce finally makes up his mind when Tim releases a new fanfic a few days after an interaction with Poison Ivy. In the fic, Robin had gotten dosed with cuddle pollen and was cuddled all night with Batman and Nightwing.

Bruce is in a panic because he realizes that Tim could've gone back to his own house afflicted with cuddle pollen, and Bruce would have never known. He doesn't even know if Tim was making this fanfic as a desire due to him actually being dosed or if it just came to his mind. This freaks Bruce the fuck out.

Thus, Bruce then uses the fanfics as guides for how he should be acting with Tim and Dick. He puts the effort to be a better mentor and parent to them.

It freaks the other two out at first (and Tim is the most resistant to the change), but they slowly become closer.

Bruce never tells anyone that he found Tim's fanfic account.

Part 2: After Red Hood comes back and does the whole Titan's Tower Attack.

Bruce, after realizing that Tim's fanfiction account now had Red Hood fics (both ones making fun of the man and ones where the crime lord is being kind/brotherly), tells Jason mid-fight that he should check out this random fanfic account Bruce thinks he'd enjoy.

Jason, obviously fucking confused why Batman is recommending fanfiction in the middle of a fight, just stops.

Bruce nods at this, tells Jason he cares about him (Bruce has been working on it!), and then just leaves.

Cue Jason researching this account (that he doesn't initially know is Tim's) and going through a series of conflicted emotions.

#dc au #bruce wayne #tim drake #y'all did i just do a trying to be a good dad bruce au??#maybe my dream was about bruce finding out about my fanfics and crying at the way he was portrayed #my bad bruce

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dragon-ascent · 2 years ago

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Mora For Your Thoughts?

Zhongli is always interested in what you have to say, no matter what it is.

★彡penny for your thoughts, zhongli edition.

"Mora for your thoughts?"

You smile up at your husband, whose question has pulled you out of your midday reverie. Zhongli sets the tea tray he’s been holding on the table, settles beside you on the couch with a tender smile and kisses your cheek, eagerly awaiting your answer.

"Well," you begin, "I was wondering why cats get nine lives, but dogs don't."

Zhongli rubs his chin thoughtfully. "A fascinating question. In fact, I seem to recall a story from centuries past that tells the story of a cat and his dog companion, and how they once compete for immortality." He pauses, knowing that the story will take all evening to narrate - which he will only do if you're fine with it.

You rest your head on his shoulder, knowing full well that any story from Zhongli's internal archives is bound to be a treat. "Go on." There is tea, and there is time.

******

"Mora for your thoughts?"

Sitting by the windowsill, you keep your gaze upon the clear sapphire sky up above. "I was just wondering what it would feel like to soar in the sky, unfettered by the troubles of the world below."

Zhongli hums. "If I weren't living strictly as a mortal, I would love to let you ride on my back across the skies."

You turn to him, a big smile on your face. "Wow, really? In your dragon form?"

"Of course, dearest. Though I doubt that would be possible at present, but perhaps one day." He, too, now looks up into the blue, blue sky.

You shake your head. "It's the thought that counts! Just imagining it makes my heart race! I've always wanted to ride you - I...I mean ride on your back while you're in dragon form..."

Zhongli throws his head back and laughs, a pleasant, rumbling baritone that never fails to make butterflies erupt within you. With golden eyes full of mirth, he says, "For now, I shall regale you with descriptions of the sky and clouds from my own experiences. Would you like that?"

"Yes please! Tell me all there is to see and experience alongside the loftiest birds!"

And thus, your husband kisses your forehead and begins to narrate his skyward anecdotes, each description more vivid than the last, until it feels like you are up there in the skies atop a draconic Zhongli, feeling the wind race across your face and the clouds split into tendrils like cotton.

******

You narrow your eyes down at the book you're reading, utterly displeased with the direction the author's taking. Though you suppose it's to be expected of a run-of-the-mill romance... still, you sigh and look up from the novel, finding Zhongli's own inquisitive gaze upon you. He is reading a book as well, but for now chooses instead to focus on his beloved.

"Mora for your thoughts?"

You smile at the fondly familiar question. "I just find it frustrating how, in the novel I'm reading, the main character is more attracted to the man with anger issues and a drinking problem, rather than the level-headed and genuinely kind man."

"Ah, a case of second-lead syndrome, hm?"

"Yup," you affirm, and then sigh again, "it wouldn't be so bad if the romance scenes were at least well-written. None of them seem romantically-charged at all. It's frustrating. There's so many things the author could have done..."

"Is that so?" Zhongli sets aside his book, his eyes carefully trained on you. "Have you any suggestions?"

It's an innocuous question, so you answer without hesitating. "They could've had a scene where they were pressed together in a tight space, or had to share a single bed at a busy inn...and their kissing scenes are drier than the Desert of Hadramaveth! I would've liked it if their kisses had both passion and tenderness."

A soft chuckle, and Zhongli is now cupping your cheek. You lean into his touch contentedly as his thumb draws soothing circles along your cheek. "Shall we enact your romantic fantasies and make them a reality?"

Saying this, your husband kisses you, equal parts tender and passionate. What follows makes sure you know firsthand that what you two have is miles more powerful than words in the pages of a book.

#zhongli #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #genshin #genshin x reader #sini writes #zhongli x you #fluff #mora

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animentality · 7 months ago

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I once saw a bsg fan bemoan the lack of a bsg fandom on Tumblr but I can tell you why that fandom is dead in the water.

it's because Battlestar Galactica utterly failed at creating a world you'd want to return to.

look at deep space nine, a 25 year old TV show that still has a wildly active fandom here and even on Twitter.

and why is that?

because ds9 was edgy too, but underneath that, there was a world that you could miss. there were characters who grew and changed like real people. they felt like your family, they were each other's family, and who doesn't visit their found family/friends at least occasionally?

re watching ds9 is like seeing old friends you haven't spoken to in a while, but when you hang out, it's like no time has passed. it's like returning to the house you grew up in, and smiling as you see the old photographs and the lines where your parents scratched your height into the wall.

but bsg? christ.

it's like returning to an abandoned meth lab.

it spent literally its entire run trying to SHOCK you.

instead of world building or creating any form of culture aboard the fleet, it upped the ante every week, and never gave you time to breathe.

worse than that, it would zoom through some of its more interesting ideas in favor of trying to get your blood pumping with some new shit immediately.

it never let you dwell on characters, or let them have genuine growth, because the next week, they'd want to do something even CRAZIER, and then that character would have to act a certain way, to make sure the melodrama keeps people engaged.

shows like that never last, because when you re watch them, there's like... nothing.

the world was destroyed- ok, then why don't we see the culture of the surviving humans?

everyone lives on different ships!! you could've shown us those ships developing their own cultures???

but no, we're stuck on the warship, full of officers, except we don't even get episodes dedicated to just, daily life on Battlestar.

it's just, oh baltar gets away with yet another war crime. how interesting.

it's also not remembered that well because...

mass murder and gang rape and endless torture of all the characters- oh it's so exciting... that you don't really want to go back to the stress.

you get tired of it, man. you can't throw high octane plots at people every day for five years... and then expect them to even remember half of that shit when they return to it, years later.

why would you even want to?

it's not like any of it was planned either.

it's not like, a show where it's exciting all the time, yes, but it's worth re watching to pick up on all the hints of the later story.

those kinds of shows last. you know. where the creators knew the ending and the hints were always there and you love the melodrama because you know where it's going, and it's still interesting to consider, years later. to really chew on deep and insightful characters, and think about their entire stories.

but bsg?

nothing was fucking planned.

you re watch bsg and you see just how much of it NEVER PAYS OFF.

they ram so many plots down your throat, and 90% of them get retconned out or totally re written.

And that's also why people don't remember bsg that well.

So much shit happens that they just don't know what the hell happened.

the pacing is awful, the world building is non existent, it's a melodrama so dedicated to melodrama that it totally ignores what it was doing with the characters the week before...

and that's why it's dead in the water.

the characters were the best part about it and they get so butchered by the end, they hardly matter.

#battlestar galactica #star trek #sci fi

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blacklegsanjiii · 4 months ago

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Hey! Well, I am writing a au that the name is "Child Soldier AU" and focus on our Sanji, I wanted to have the opinion someone who can write aus in a amazing way so thats why I'm sending you this asks. (And, it's okay if I use some things you might say about this universe in the plot?)

Also, I'm thinking about adding ASL x Sanji in the au because the dynamic of this ship would be interesting in this. So feel free to add something of ASL x S if you want!

(The story is still being written so I might add or chance things after)

The North Blue is a much more cruel sea than canon, where wars happens frequently between kingdoms. Judge, wanting to have power, decides that waiting for his children to grow up is not an option, and sends all five children to fight. Sora stills tries to stop the experiments in the two pregnancies but fails, the only kid who actually worked being Sanji. But, unlike canon, the other four feel as much as the blonde. They're still stronger, yes, but not as bad.

Once they are three, four years old, Judge sends them to fight for Germa. Against Sora's wish. Even Sanji, who is a "failure", goes because wasting the forth experiment would be nonsense. The five siblings, between fighting and training and going to the lab to be "fixed", manage to have rare moments where they can be childrens, with their mother help. All of them are extremely attached at Sora and each other, afterall, it's all they have and will ever have, right?

Wrong. Because when Ichiji, Niji, Sanji and Yonji are six years old and Reiju is nine, Sora dies. Their oh so dear mother is dead. Then, everything starts to get worse and worse. Reiju dies on a fight with another kingdom some weeks later, breaking the quadruplets already damaged heart. Niji and Yonji die some time later when they're seven yo, leaving only Ichiji and Sanji alone. And, to make things even worse, when the two left are eight years old, Ichiji dies on a mission both brothers were after they get separated for a moment during the infiltration mission in a rival kingdom. Leaving Sanji completely and utterly alone.

Sanji is eight years old, alone with their bastard of a father and heartbreak. He never liked to fight, and after everything he is just more sure that these wars are uselles, utterly bullshit. And then, then, Judge — fucking Judge — acts like it's his dead siblings fault they aren't alive anymore and just replaces them with robots like they're nothing. Sanji always feared his father, but god, he's so angry and sad that he yells how much of a asshole Judge is.

And, as punishment, Judge locks him in the dungeon with the helmet, during two whole years. Sanji is ten years old when he run away and jump direct at the sea, waking up in a rock with some old geezer who says his name is "Zeff" and saved him. Whatever. He is stuck in the rock during three months and starving, alongside Zeff. And then the man eats his own damn leg to survive (for him, he is doing this for Sanji) and they get help some time later.

They open the Baratie after some time and, well, having the chance to be a child, even a little bit is... Good. Weird, of course, but amazing. He thinks about his siblings and how they would love living there, if his mother is proud while looking him from the heaven. Sanji grows up in Baratie, and some nights, when he can't sleep, he thinks about everything, what could've been different, how things would be if his siblings (and mother) were alive.

I fucking love this. Truly I do. I appreciate you coming to me(and yes, obviously, this blog is open for anyone to write what they want based off the AUs here. Use me for plot)

Okay so let's start with my beloved all the kids have emotions. It's one of my favorite things to do but also Jesus now they're all going to have trauma and realize it. Though not for long because they die(or do they??) and it just fucks with Sanji because his siblings will protect him no matter what, and that starts when he's four! He and his brothers are four! Sora is seething and constantly checking on them and Reiju and sobbing when she sees the scars and burns because she can't save them. She does her best to let them know she loves them until she dies and then a few weeks later, when they haven't even processed that their mother is dead, Reiju dies.

Their sister and mother are dead and buried in the garden next to the castle and the boys are numb and hollow. Sanji is so much more fragile than the others and now they're even more protective. They stick as close as they can together until all of Sanji's family is dead except his uncaring father who locks him away and blames them for dying. He blamed them for things out of their control. They're children, or were. Sanji doesn't remember being a child but he knows they were too young to die.

But Sanji is the only one left so I think Judge has to suck it up and make Sanji the heir he never wanted and pulls him out of the dungeon. Cleans him up and presents him as the heir to the world. At some point when Sanji is older, maybe like fourteen he screams at Judge after Judge goes off about his siblings and him being failures and Sanji just screams. Anger and fury and hurt as he grabs his raid suit and leaves. Just runs away as far as he possibly can.

I think from there he could work the orbit, meet Zeff, open Baratie. Canon stuff. He definitely has sleepless nights, some nights when the grief rips through him and he can't stop crying and sobbing. It hurts, it hurts so bad that he lived and they didn't. Reiju who wanted to use her powers to help save people. Ichiji who wanted to see the world. Niji who wanted to be the best of the best. Yonji who wanted to bring peace to the world and didn't know better. None of them did.

I hope this helps!

#black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #vinsmoke yonji #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke judge #vinsmoke reiju #1234ji #vinsmoke brothers #vinsmoke family #soldier!sanji #ow #answers

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abarbaricyalp · 9 months ago

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Written for @sambuckylibrary Valentines Bingo. Free space fill (most of mine are gonna be free spaces) I guess it technically fills the Sam-Searching-For-Bucky fill too but not in spirit, so it doesn't count

Rated T/M, No Archive Warnings

Read on AO3 here

Bid Your Heart Goodbye

"You know why they put us up first, right?" Barton asked under his breath next to Sam.

Sam's gaze slid to him with only mild interest. "Because we're the people's princesses?"

They were standing in the wings of a fancy stage with velvet curtains that smelled like they hadn't been cleaned since they were installed. Beyond the curtains, an audience dressed to the nines wined and dined. That same dinner was waiting for Sam if this charity auction would ever get underway.

No matter what Barton said about the order of the night, Sam wouldn't be made to feel less than grateful that he'd be sitting down and digging into an expensive steak in less than half an hour. Hopefully. Steve, the poor sod, was the last bid of the night.

Buy A Date With An Avenger had been a fundraiser since before Sam was involved with them at all. This was the first year he was participating in it. If he'd been asked the year before, he'd have been more than excited to join, take a break from the Ghost Hunt and relax in a fancy hotel for while. This year, he had other things he wanted to be doing with his time. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that the Ghost Hunt was over and the ghost was accounted for, but Sam still felt like of he took his eyes off of him, he'd disappear into the night again. Perhaps it didn't. Who was to say.

"They're hoping people will bid high on us because they haven't spent big money on Steve or Tony yet," Clint said with some kind of sardonic glee. "Of someone spends million dollars to meet Steve, they're not gonna fork over anything else for us."

Sam rolled his eyes and elbowed Clint's arm. "Speak for yourself. I bet I hit 50k before the fifth vote."

The sardonicism melted away and Clint's eyes lit up. "I bet I make more than you," he countered.

"What're you gonna do? Strip?" Sam joked. Then he added, "Has Steve really gotten a million dollars before?"

"Couple of years ago," Clint confirmed. "Right after the whole thing in DC with you. That year. Super fan. They wanted the inside scoop on all of that for a book they were making someone ghostwrite."

Sam snorted. That sounded about right. There had been smaller opportunities for people to donate and win time with the heroes throughout the night. Steve was certainly a favorite. It might've dinged Sam’s ego a bit if he couldn't see how miserable Steve was with all of the attention.

Sam didn't mind this kind of thing. The VA held fundraisers all the time. He was used to the pleasant smiles and benign interest and the insufferable drone of rich people with money they needed. Actually, Sam was pretty good at it. Hell, he almost liked it, in a detached, out-of-body sort of way. He liked to be useful and he liked to be charming and gracious.

"Young man, you could've been a prince in another lifetime," an old woman had said to him once, patting his hand because she hadn't let go of it for five minutes.

"Only if you'd be my princess," he'd charmed back and gotten an extra donation towards their meeting spaces renovation for his time.

Tonight wasn't much different, though pocket books seemed to be a little fatter and held a little tighter. There were no promises made for nothing. Everything was about the spectacle of the bidding, the silent auction of memorabilia, the game of being allowed to tease time and attention from someone as important as an Avenger.

The proceeds weren't for the Avengers. They were all going towards charities around the nation. Each hero had picked one. Sam's was a housing program in Louisiana, to help people displaced after storms, year after year.

"How much did your date go for last year?" Sam asked.

"About 20k," Clint said. "But I wasn't the worst of the night. A science lab got Bruce's date, but they didn't have to be very competitive about it."

Sam sucked in a breath through his teeth. "That's dirty, man."

"Hey, it worked out for them. He went to their lab, helped them through some results that weren't adding up, and they won some ridiculously prestigious award a month or so ago. Yet another paper with Dr. Bruce Banner's name on it too."

Sam had to give them that. That was a much better use of Bruce’s time than having dinner with someone who bought affection, someone who couldn’t be bothered to help people unless they got something in return.

This night could not be over quickly enough.

Sam was up first, as the newest member of the Avengers. He’d rewatched the livestream from last year to prepare himself, but there was still nothing like hearing his name echo throughout the room as the chatter of the evening lowered to a polite gust of whispers. The MC read off a list of Sam’s accomplishments as he walked on stage and gave a few easy-going smiles and waves. He listened as the MC explained what his charity was and how the money may be used.

And then the bidding began. It was a little slow going. It started at five thousand dollars, like all the dates would tonight. Someone upped it to seven, and then ten. A bright blue placard caught the corner of Sam’s eye. Everyone else had classy black and gold placards. This one was meant to stand out. It caught the MC’s eye too, apparently, because he gave a hearty chuckle and gestured to the man with the bright blue placard, sitting at a table with other event organizers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I neglected to mention that this year we are hosting the bidding online as well. We’ll entertain bids in real time from our website. What was the bid?” he asked the stand-in bidder.

“Fifty thousand, sir,” the man said. “From an anonymous bidder.”

A literal gasp went through the audience. Which, hey, a date with him was totally worth 50k, Sam thought. A little deliriously maybe. Fifty thousand dollars? From ten? Sam was absolutely not about to pass out on the stage. He just needed a lectern to hold onto for a few seconds.

The MC whistled appreciatively. “That is quite the statement. Does anyone want to say 55?”

The woman who’d been the first to bid raised her placard again.

“Great. 60?”

The blue placard went up again. “Sir, the same bidder has said 100,000.”

Someone was fucking with Sam. He turned to glare at Barton, because this was surely his doing. He’d just been telling Sam about how only Steve and Tony made any real money and him and Sam were just chum to get the sharks going. And somehow he had someone fuck up the online bidding site to do this.

But Barton looked just as confused as Sam was, and about fifteen times as gleeful.

The MC didn’t falter. He was a damn professional. Sam needed to send him a fruit basket or something. Sure, Steve and Tony’s dates went for more than half a million each last year. $100,000 was nothing compared to the rest of the night. But Sam wasn’t sure even he could’ve kept a straight face while talking about his company being worth more than a substantial downpayment on a house. But the MC just grinned at the audience and said, “Anyone willing to go for 110? $110,000 would change a lot of lives. Build a lot of houses, folks.”

Unbelievably, a whole new placard went up. Sam wondered if this was just someone trying to goad the online bidder into doing something even more outrageous.

Which they did. Before the MC could even decide on another number to challenge 110,000 damn dollars, the blue placard went up.

“175,” he said.

Sam blinked at him, feeling like a deer in the headlights while someone explained linear algebra to it. What the fuck was happening? Actually, was he in danger? Should he even meet someone willing to spend $175,000 just to have dinner with him? Was he going to end up tied up in a basement somewhere?

“Folks, I don’t know if anyone is going to be able to outlast our anonymous bidder. Do I hear 180? 180 on the room? How about 177? 176? 175-5? If not, Sam Wilson’s date has just been bought for $175,000. To our high bidder, you’ve helped a beautiful cause. Planning emails will be sent to the address on your bid form, so please keep an eye out for those. And now, please welcome Hawkeye himself, Clint Barton!”

Sam was only able to get himself off of the stage because he had Clint’s path to follow. Clint beamed at him, knocked the sides of their fists together as he whispered, “Bird bros,” and then waggled his eyebrows like that meant anything.

Backstage, Steve managed to find him before anyone who would need his help coordinating the date. He was cheesing about as hard as Clint was.

“I told you you’d be nothing but good for this,” he teased, giving Sam a half hug. “I wonder whose eye you caught so strongly.”

“Hopefully not a Christian Grey,” Sam muttered, which made Steve blush but laugh. Over the years, the number of pop culture references Sam was able to get away with had dwindled to mostly the obscure. Evidently Christian Grey was not obscure.

“Maybe it’s someone who wants to know more about the Falcon tech?” he suggested. “Or someone who just knows you’re a really great guy. I’d pay 200k to have lunch with you.”

Sam rolled his eyes and elbowed Steve’s ribs lightly. “Lucky for you, you get me for free.”

“Well, sometimes the price of a burger.”

“Only when we go to that fancy place you like.”

“Mr. Wilson?” an event organizer said, interrupting them and looking very apologetic for it. “We’d just like to go over your preferences very quickly before we begin drafting emails. It should only take a few minutes.”

“Of course,” Sam said with a nod. He gestured for her to lead the way and then shot a look at Steve, trying to convey a suave ‘guess this is my life’ kind of energy. Steve’s laughter was not helpful in determining if he hit the mark or not.

. . .

The date was at a rooftop restaurant, near the beach. It was New York, so the hustle and bustle of the city was ever present, but the crash of the waves and the calling of the birds was a nice addition. Sam hadn’t forgotten how much he liked the peace of the beach. No amount of time away from home would ever pull the saltwater out of his bones. But perhaps he underestimated it until he was in the sand and the water again. Assuming his date was not obsessive and willing to follow Sam around, he was definitely going to get down on the beach before heading back to Steve’s for the night.

The restaurant was the kind of place Sam would never go on his own. He couldn’t picture a single reason to be at some place like this. He hadn’t even gone to Stark events like this yet. True, the rooftop part was his idea. ‘Get a bird's eye view with the Falcon.’ It was a stupid gimmick that he’d thrown down on paper at the very beginning of the planning for the auction. But, evidently, his anonymous bidder had been into the idea as well. Sam had expected some slightly upscale bar where young people looked at him like he was decrepit, but the bidder had suggested this place, which was definitely beyond upscale and had very few hip-young-person patrons.

Then again, this person had spent almost $200,000 to even get this date. What was several hundred more for food?

The foundation was paying for Sam’s food, so he was two glasses of a very good red grenache wine into the night when the waiter stopped to let him know his date was checking his coat.

A man? Sam was surprised. Everyone in the room who had bid on Sam’s date had been women. Even the last instigator had been a woman. (She had continued to instigate throughout the night. Sam kind of thought she might’ve been a plant by the foundation to drive up bids.)

He kept his eyes on the entry way onto the roof. In theory, he could’ve peered through the glass windows of the kitchen, but there was far too much going on in there for him to be able to see anything important. Instead, he kept an eye on the archway covered in roses and ivy, where a maitre d’ waited to guide people to their reserved seats–or fuss at her waitstaff.

It did not take long for Sam’s date to arrive. He knew it was him as soon as he came through the roses.

He was wearing a beautiful black on black suit, a black silk tie gleaming in the decorative fire light. His hair was pulled back in a slick, tight ponytail, sitting just a little higher than the nape of his neck so he could still tuck it into his shirt collar. Everything about him was powerful, the long sprawl of his legs, the breadth of his chest and thighs, even the curl of his gloved fingers as he circled one set around his other wrist. His blue eyes were impossibly piercing as they found Sam before the maitre d’ could even gesture over. And then he was smiling, wide and enamored. It made him look so much younger.

Sam scrambled to stand up as he made his way over, having to pause to let the maitre d’ know he could handle it on his own. By the time he did get to their little corner table, Sam still hadn’t convinced himself this wasn’t a dream.

Where have you been? Sam wanted to ask. Why would you spend $175,000 to see me?

“You could have just called,” is what he said in the end.

Bucky Barnes had not stopped smiling. It was really killing the whole mafia boss vibe he otherwise had going for himself. He brought his hands up to Sam’s face and then kissed him in front of every damn one at the restaurant. Sam’s hands went to his wrists, thumbs slipping below his sleeves and under his gloves to rub the inside of his wrists, his pulse point.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else getting this time with you. Talking to you. Maybe even touching you, even if it was just your hand or kicking your foot under the table,” he admitted under his breath, a confession just for the two of them.

“You spent almost $200,000,” Sam breathed back. “That’s more than a little jealousy.”

“Sam, you’re worth every damn dollar I’ll ever be able to find.”

Sam wanted to tuck himself against Bucky’s chest, hiding his face between his collar and jaw and just breathe in the other man. This addiction had grown faster than he’d thought possible. It hadn’t been long, in the grand scheme of things, since he’d last seen Bucky, but this moment felt like water after a drought anyway.

“I know you woulda made sure you were untraceable, but it's still very hot that you risked getting caught to make the bid,” Sam eventually said, pulling away and then pulling out Bucky’s seat for him.

Bucky gave a silly half bow and sat, waited for Sam to do the same before he said, “Someone else was bidding for me. Don’t look at me like that. I have friends.”

Sam rolled his eyes good naturedly. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or worried,” he joked.

“Well, I think the metric is: if I’m this handsome, you should be flattered.” Bucky grinned at him and it took off about two decades worth of suffering.

Sam looked suitably appalled. “Who taught you about pretty privilege and double standards?” he asked.

Bucky laughed again and hooked his ankle against Sam’s under the table. Sam didn’t let himself react visibly, but he did run the toe of his most expensive shoes up the side of Bucky’s other leg.

“I heard the Bluefin here is exquisite,” he said instead of answering.

“We are not ordering Bluefin Tuna,” Sam nixed instantly.

“Okay, okay, what about the salmon?”

Salmon wouldn’t be so bad.

. . .

The date had not included a hotel room. Obviously. Even exploitation of superheroes hadn’t hit that feverpitch yet. However, Bucky had an expensive hotel room and Sam had nothing else to do with the evening. He’d texted Steve earlier that he wasn’t about to be part of a Misery remake, so there was no one on standby waiting for his return.

Even if there had been, he was pretty sure he would have forgotten about them by the time Bucky, a little shyly and endearingly, had suggested Sam come back with him for the night. He was perfectly gentlemanly as he greeted the doorman and bragged on his date a little bit and then led Sam to the elevator. He managed to keep his hands to himself for the upwards climb and the intentionally slow walk down the hallway.

“I hope your friend isn’t sharing a room with you,” Sam said as Bucky fiddled with his keycard, crowding Sam against the door like the sexiest predator cat the world had ever seen.

“Nah,” Bucky agreed, putting his forearm against the door next to Sam’s head as he curled his whole body inwards towards Sam. “She’s not even in the country.”

He unlocked and opened the door before Sam had even seen his hand move, then caught Sam up in his arms before Sam could fall back into the apartment. His feet barely touched the ground as Bucky carried him through the room. The door shut behind them with a soft click. The hotel room was basically bigger than the lower floor of Sam’s place in DC and definitely bigger than his room at the Avengers Compound, which is where he would’ve otherwise ended up tonight.

Surprisingly, the bed was near the window, blinds down but not all the way closed. The city lights twinkled outside and bathed the white sheets in a smear of intangible watercolor. Then, when Bucky dropped him on the bed, those lights painted over Sam too. He only got to stare at them, turning his hand this way and that, for a moment before Bucky was straddling his lap and staring down at him with an open hunger. Sam could do nothing but stretch out beneath him.

Bucky’s long fingers came up to the top of his dress shirt and slowly, carefully, undid the buttons. There was none of the frantic rush that always followed them when they came together. There really wasn’t even anyone who was expecting them in a certain place. Right now, the entire scope of their existence was this room right here.

Sam shivered pleasantly as his shirt fell open. Bucky settled back against his hips, running his hands down Sam’s chest–a contrast of warm and cool fingers.

“You’re so Goddamn beautiful,” he breathed. “It’s like something new every time.”

Sam rolled his eyes to distract himself from the blush racing down his cheeks and neck. “You could take a picture,” he suggested. “Would last longer.”

“Yeah, with my memory, that’s probably true.”

Sam snorted, he couldn’t help himself, and dropped his arm over his eyes. “How do you find the most supremely unsexy things to say while you’re undressing me?”

Bucky shifted over him and a few seconds later, Sam heard the shutter of his phone’s camera. “Goddamn piece of artwork,” he reiterated before throwing his phone aside and refocusing on Sam. He leaned over Sam’s body, resting his weight against Sam pointedly. He mouthed at Sam’s neck, traveling up to his earlobe, sucking it between his lips before he whispered, “I’m gonna take you apart all night long, doll.”

Sam shivered roughly and curled one hand against the back of Bucky’s neck, turning his head to catch Bucky’s mouth on his. “You’ve gotta put on a $200,000 show, Barnes,” he taunted.

Sam felt Bucky tense up for a rebuttal. Technically Sam ought to be putting on the show, he knew. But then he felt it all ease back out of Bucky as he decided to pursue better endeavors. With one last lave of his tongue over Sam’s, he sat back against his hips again, grinding against Sam in a subtle, smooth, teasing move, and began to unbutton his own shirt. Sam took the opportunity to shrug out his own clothes quickly.

He didn’t know who had taught Bucky to strip, but the man could do it like a professional. Sam was pretty sure he’d never been more turned on in his entire life. When Bucky reached for Sam’s zipper–his own pants already undone and hanging loose around his hips in a downright sinful tease, Sam couldn’t wait any longer. He flipped them over, pinning Bucky down to the bed so they could each shove their pants out of the way while Sam fell right back into kissing Bucky like it was the only way he could breathe.

“When you walked out onto the roof, I almost dragged you right back down,” Sam breathed, grinding his thigh between Bucky’s. “You looked so good, it was like a mirage. Like a magazine spread come to life.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, a cocky grin coming to his lips. “The suit do it for you, doll?”

“The suit. Your hair. The fact that it was you. I’d been dreading that date. And as soon as I saw you…”

Sam could practically feel Bucky’s self-satisfaction radiating. “As soon as you saw me, what?” he prompted, wiggling his hips until Sam ground down on him again.

“As soon as I saw you, nothing else really mattered,” Sam admitted with a slow, pleased smile of his own. He felt like he’d been holding his breath all night, waiting for Bucky to disappear out of this daydream. And finally something had slotted into place and he decided this was all real.

“Right now, nothing else matters,” Bucky promised with a kiss, then flipped them over again. “Now, about taking you apart,” he purred before putting his mouth back to Sam’s body.

. . .

“What if I just never let you leave?” Bucky suggested late the next morning. Room service was about to stop serving breakfast, which was a shame because they hadn’t made it all the way through the menu yet. Bucky traced a strawberry around Sam’s mouth, dragging his lip down with it before he replaced the strawberry with his own mouth and then started all over again.

Sam was more interested in the powdered sugar on Bucky’s fingers and lips, but he was being remarkably incapable of getting any of it onto his tongue. He’d have thought Bucky got all of the teasing out of his system the night before, but evidently not. “Eventually someone would come looking for me. I only gave Steve the all-clear for one night. And the world’s probably gonna try’n implode soon, so I’ll definitely be missed then.”

Bucky hummed, dragging the strawberry over Sam’s cheek and across his jaw. “$200,000 is a lot of money. I should get two dates, y’know?”

“You only spent $175,000. And I think I earned it last night, huh?”

“Now that’s a high end date,” Bucky teased. He tossed the strawberry back onto the fruit platter and crowded over Sam’s body again, hiding his face against Sam’s warm neck.

They were getting nowhere fast this morning. At least last night had had a plotline, no matter how often they distracted each other. There was a goal to be reached. Several times. But this morning? They were just lazing around, eating more food than room service should ever send to one room, and getting lost in pointless, teasing touches.

“In another world, this is our life,” Bucky pointed out against Sam’s shoulder. “In another world, I’m just wining and dining you all the time. We live in an expensive penthouse and we just have sex all day.”

“In this scenario, where are you getting all your cash for these nights?” Sam amused.

“I dunno. Trading stock. Investing in the 40s and not touching it,” Bucky said with a shrug that jostled Sam’s entire upper body.

“You didn’t know shit about the stock market in the 40s,” Sam argued. “You don’t know shit about it now.”

He felt Bucky grin against his skin and another monumental shrug shook the bed. “Who cares? It’s a fantasy. You’re the important part of it.”

“I live an expensive life, Barnes,” Sam defended simply.

“Oh yeah,” Bucky agreed, squeezing Sam’s hips until he had to stifle a laugh and shift until Bucky. “I know all about your all-organic fruits and veggies diet. I can handle it.”

“It’s a pretty thought,” Sam conceded when he’d freed his hips and gotten Bucky’s hands away from undiscovered tickle spots. “We could get close. If you came back. If you stayed.”

“I can’t,” Bucky sighed. He turned to lay on his side next to Sam, put a hand over his chest so he could circle Sam’s nipple with his thumb as he spoke. “Not yet. There’s too much to do. It’s better if no one knows where I am yet.”

“I could help. You don’t have to do any of this alone.”

Bucky pressed three kisses to Sam’s cheek and jaw. “You do help. You’ve helped so much, Sam. I used to run right towards precipices. Didn’t care how sturdy the ground was. Now I’ve got an anchor behind me. And a guy with wings who can catch me.”

“I ain’t catching you,” Sam argued quickly. “Do you know how much you weigh?”

Bucky laughed and shook his head. They laid there in that quiet for a moment, hearts beating together as their fingers tangled and came apart.

“I will be,” Sam eventually said. “I’ll be your anchor or your wings or whatever you need. You just need to remember that we’re connected. Every anchor has a line. You go down, I’m going down too. And, when you’re ready, you follow that line right back to me. Got it?”

Bucky shifted over him, held his face gently and adoringly. “Sold, doll,” he promised and kissed Sam again.

If you enjoyed this, please consider leaving a kudos or comment on AO3

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #captain america #the falcon and the winter soldier #sambucky fanfic #sbvday2024

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mastersoftheair · 8 months ago

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ok, so my own final (and very, very fresh) thoughts, bc i wanted to wait until i'd watched everything to make a sweeping opinion of the whole series, and it's quite opinionated. and long. probably too long. i write essays for fun (everyone point and laugh):

my personal (and very, very fresh) ranking of the hbo war shows (not including gen kill bc that's a different war, sorry) goes- band of brothers > masters of the air > the pacific (it's the same for my title score rankings. that hasn't changed yet)

my main points of contention with MotA are 1) the nine episodes, 2) the length of the episodes, and 3) certain editing choices. nine episodes, compared to the classic ten, isn't Nearly enough time to showcase all that they wanna showcase (especially when the episodes are as short as they are, once you get past the recap and "next on" parts). and they wanna showcase A Lot! there so much going on! i'd ask them to pace themselves, but they literally Can't!

i mean, the editing choices are a Whole Thing! practically gives me whiplash sometimes lol. i feel like the weaker episodes still have parts that are Really good, but like. Individually. they don't work together as a stronger whole, which is to the episode's detriment. rather than jumping around (as the show often did), they could've benefited a lot from focusing on the One Story instead of squeezing three more stories into there (i say that, but i think the 4-5-6 episode run (all with multiple stories per episode) did this very well while Still being very good episodes, so it's not like it Can't be done, it just didn't work for 7, 8 and (partly) 9). granted, i suspect a chunk of the weird editing can be blamed on, well, there being only nine (and not all that long) episodes and no one wanting to cough up enough money for a tenth. ugh! i'm blaming both hbo And appletv for this (and covid19 ig). it's just One More Episode, how much could it cost?? and on the subject of episodes, why no episode titles? you used to love episode titles! i could've brainstormed episode titles for them For Free!!

when it comes to the characters, the rankings remain the same: BoB > MotA > TP. it's not totally fair tho, since BoB followed the exact same (and large-ish) group of guys from beginning to end, so you're Gonna know who they all are and get attached. this wasn't the case (for me!) when watching TP, since, unlike BoB, they jump around from group to group. i never felt like i got to know them all that well, outside of the main characters. i think MotA almost hits that sweet spot, especially knowing they had those two main things going against it: large cast And jumping from group to group. there's a case to be made for bias here (i Was the blog blogging about everything MotA for like. years.), but i still think they found a good enough balance of fleshing out the main characters while Also helping the audience get to know about a bunch of minor characters, of which there are a shitton (and their personalities, motivations, backgrounds, quirks).

there's also the representation of women. actual angel renée lemaire is and will always be a cut above the rest (bastogne is just That Good, argue with the wall). she's written so well that it almost makes me forget about how a bunch of women are portrayed in carentan. i have...issues with how women are portrayed in TP (even tho i love lena), so there's that. MotA falls in the middle (again) bc there's Way more women on-screen, but the writing can be questionable. balanced (as all things should be?) captain l'sandra wing-westgate is a character of all time, but episode 7 birthed the craziest discourse known to man (the hbo war fandom), but it wasn't all that unwarranted. manon and michou were sooo cool, but we didn't see nearly enough of them (another victim of the 'editing too many stories into one episode' problem. why not a whole resistance episode? or at least as the only b-plot?). paulina was interesting, but fulfilled one of those 'attractive foreign woman gives sage advice during/after sex' tropes (there's probably a tvtropes page for that idk). so many red cross girls, but none of the in-depth payoff :/ epic highs (multiple women!!) + epic lows (writing women??) = pretty tolerable. not great, not terrible. it was aight. i trust the fandom to build on this tho.

narrative is the big one tho. it's the whole "doing so much with so little" thing they've got going on (i'm ignoring their big budget here lol, could've been bigger). rather than having one main story with many connecting side stories (like BoB), it does the TP thing where there's many semi-connecting side stories set in the same general area. it helps that there's crosby's narration (i enjoy narration, sue me!), and he helps everything connect, sorta. but there's still other side stories that have Nothing to do with him (sandra's side gigs (revealing what she did takes away the mystery of what she Might be doing), the tuskegee airmen, quinn and bailey's eurotrip). would it have helped if there were two narrators (say, someone like rosie)? idk. gonna sit with that one. if there's a through-line, it's not super obvious like in the other two shows. which is insanely funny to me bc i literally like TP less, but that show's got an Extremely tight through-line all the way down. i can't lie and say it doesn't!

back to budget- i've seen people criticize this show for being called "masters of the air" when there's not much of "the air". ig that's fair, but there's the money issue, again. also, it'd get very repetitive if they were always in "the air". there was enough confusion about identifying who was who with the masks on, so imagine if that was Every Episode. out of All the issues the show has, this is the least issue-y. again, that's just my opinion, and it could change.

another budget thing (i think??)- idk enough about costuming and hair for period pieces so i can't comment on that with my 0 background in it, all i Can say is that i knoooooow people were clowning on marjorie cleven's hair in episode 1 (and i could see why, no such thing as 1940s beach waves). but from what i could understand- that actress' addition was a last-minute thing (bc i had No idea who the hell she was and i already found someone cast for marjorie all the way back in 2021). maybe there's something to say about the quality of rush jobs, but i really do think it was the most last-minute thing bc it came out of Nowhere, and timeline-wise, it looks like that bit was done long after everything else had been filmed. outside looking in, it seems something probably went wrong/didn't work out with who or what they already had and there wasn't enough wiggle room (time and money) to fix it. this isn't me being an apologist (lol), but i feel like a theorist at a big board bc nothing adds up! and i wanna know what happened! i'm just speculating! speculating on this blog is All i did for like Years lmaooo.

this is more of a side thing, but some of the lines in MotA feel really on-the-nose, almost corny. and that was Gonna be a knock against it, but there's some equally Extremely on-the-nose lines in both BoB and TP (Especially in BoB), so if i give MotA shit for it, i'd have to give all three shows shit for it lol. none of them are free of cheese.

another silly aside- no peaches, no main gingers, no main eugenes! we can't have 'em all, but c'mon!

there Is some good tho lol. one thing that MotA really has going for it, that i think the other shows have less of, is- and GOD it feels so weird to call this "world-building" when it's actual goddamn history, but- it's got world-building. maybe that isn't the best word for it. but i like how much Bigger ww2 feels in this show. BoB is one stop, then the next stop, then the next stop, which is, admittedly, good from a narrative-perspective (easy to follow), but not as good when you want a scale of how devastating the war is (in fairness, it was filmed in 2000). even TP feels pretty "enclosed" in a way. there's island-hopping, yeah, but all the damn islands look the same (not including australia lol). it's a theatre of the war we otherwise don't really get to see, but there still isn't all that much to see. it's water and sand and rock and dirt. which is the point, but Whatever! would've been cool if we saw sledge and co. in china, but moving on. MotA's able to really show the scale of it, both in the air and on the ground (that scene in germany during episode 6 was both harrowing and fantastic, also the inclusion of the actual children forced to fight nearer to the war's end in the finale). idk i just liked how it was able to zoom in and zoom out (and in and out again) in a way that the other shows weren't.

another thing it's got that the other shows don't is Really driving home how young everyone is (not "child soldier" young, but damn young). the cast is full of baby faces (rip babyface). a lot of ww2 shows/movies don't bother casting to reflect this, but i think overlooking that takes away from the overall impact. you browse through some old newspaper articles or photos of soldiers during ww2 enough and you're gonna Regularly get hit with the face of someone who looks like they could've sat in the desk next to you during a high school lit class. a lot of those b&w grinning faces look like kids bc they pretty much were (more so if they lied about their age). you don't really get that in BoB or TP (it's Crazy when the real life pics of the soldiers portrayed in those shows look younger than the actors).

i'm mixed about the tuskegee airmen. what we have, i love (thank you, dee rees). unfortunately, my biggest irk is that it leaves me wanting more of them, which i won't ever get. speaking as a black person (not speaking for All black people, just how i personally feel about it), having them included feels like a catch-22. if they weren't included in any capacity (all while knowing there were whole tuskegee airmen in stalag iii with the white main characters), there'd be a problem. however, including them (all while having these time constraints and not enough focus on them) leads to the feeling of having them "tokenized" (which i can see). there's no world where there'd be 50/50 split (even a 70/30 split) bc, at that point, just give them a show of their own. but there'd still be a general annoyance that big budget ww2 shows are only ever white. on the other hand, hanks and spielberg and orloff and miller and all the directors (except dee rees) are white, and how good of a story about black people are you really gonna get from the perspective of nonblack people? that in mind, i personally don't feel put-off by having the three tuskegee airmen in the posters/trailers/promos, bc i just Know there'd be a whole nother problem if they weren't included in them at all despite being in the show for however long (it'd be even worse if they made their pictures smaller). like i don't work in advertising, but i don't know if a "sweet spot" even exists for something like this. people would be pissed off no matter what imo (i'm also speaking with a bias here bc i had to browse through sooooo many comments written by white guys whining and crying and pissing and shitting themselves once they learned that the tuskegee airmen were gonna be in the show in Any capacity, so i'm just cool knowing they're in shambles rn (and josiah cross- he played richard macon- always goes Wild seeing his face in the promos, and his joy is pretty contagious).

i give it somewhere like a 7.5-8/10. 3.75 stars out of 5. not perfect, subject to change, gotta marinate, but i'm overall happy with it! MotA's best episodes are better than many other individual hbo war episodes. should i be grading it using the overall sum of its parts, not just the different parts? idk, i'm not being paid to grade lol.

#i feel like i'm knocking the pacific too much in this even when i like the pacific. i just like it much less #i've talked my sister's ear off enough about it (she adores the pacific the way i do band of brothers)#and like i've got plenty of issues with band of brothers but it just does it for me. idk. i'm complicated by avril lavigne #this is an essay. my GOD is this an essay #but better to vomit it all out now so i can look over it later and see how my opinion changes over time. i want to archive my fresh thought #masters of the air #hbo war #masters of the air spoilers #mota spoilers #band of brothers #the pacific #for once i'm not spam-tagging those. i talk about them a decent amount in here. sorry for the people who don't go here tho #long post

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yanderes-galore · 2 years ago

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Yandere Knuckles the Dread(romantic) having your obsession, what travel with Sonic to other dimensions.(Sonic Prime)

Yeah, I'll try writing something for Prime :) Hopefully I read your request right. Plot conflicts with Prime's plot but trust me, I tried ^^

This was written as I was watching Prime and takes place in an alternate ending after Season 1. I actually think Dread has good potential as a yandere.

Yandere! Knuckles the Dread with Darling that travels with Sonic

Short Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Implied obsession at first sight, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Forced affection, Forced relationship.

You met Dread the same way Sonic did.

Or at least, similarly.

Sonic got to No Place by running really fast to the point he warped.

You could've gotten there by a shard portal created by Nine.

Either way, you're meeting up with Sonic again in a world of pirates.

When you meet Dread, he comes off as extremely friendly towards you and Sonic.

Not many come to his ship, he wasn't even expecting a looker like you either!

You quickly find this version of Knuckles is the life of the party when you first meet.

He offers you food and cannons of confetti, a fanged grin on his face as he talks to you.

Admittedly... calming down with Sonic in this universe isn't that bad.

Until the parties start becoming excessive....

"Come on! Just relax and talk to me, won't you? There's no need to waste the day! I want to know more about you and that hedgehog friend of yours."

You notice Dread becomes rather invasive towards you when it comes to privacy.

Like a pirate to treasure, the captain already seems to have taken a liking to you.

You try to distance yourself from him as you don't know anything about him.

You also couldn't trust him since when Sonic asked about the shard, he looked a bit hostile.

Although... you allowed Dread closer to keep him under control while Sonic tries to get info about the shard and retrieve it.

Going off script from Prime, the general idea of how you meet Dread is through Sonic.

For the most part, Dread is a coward when you first meet him.

Although as you help build up his confidence with Sonic... he becomes a much more bold pirate towards you.

Once Sonic encourages Dread to become a legendary pirate, you'll notice he's crueler.

While this helps you closer to the shard... Sonic has no idea what he's sacrificed.

Dread was originally overly friendly with you.

He tries to charm you with parties and cheery songs, often doing what you'd assume is sheepish flirting?

For being a captain, the lack of confidence makes him less threatening.

It's better to have him be overly friendly than... the alternative.

Pirates are greedy towards what they want.

Which to Dread... that means the so-called shard... and you.

"Well aren't you a treasure... a treasure that's definitely mine...!"

Recall how Dread acted when he got the shard in Prime?

Yeah, that's essentially what his yandere behavior would be like.

Once Dread obtains the shard, Sonic's teleported within it while you wait with the others on the boat.

Your worry increases when neither of them come back.

You worry something happened to them... which is not entirely wrong.

When you manage to help the crew get the ship closer, you're met with Dread.

Just Dread.

"... Where's Sonic?"

"Oh! I was wondering when you'd catch up, treasure."

His grin is unhinged, filled with greed while he holds the shard close to him.

"It's a shame Blue didn't take you with him, huh?"

Worry pools into your stomach.

"What?"

"Sonic left. He's gone. Not like it should matter though... not when you have me!"

"Have you lost it!? I need Sonic to go home!"

"Why follow him now when you've got me, a legendary pirate, to follow?"

Dread is much more intimidating when overcome with greed.

The greed caused by the shard only makes his obsession darker.

Now he doesn't have to worry about Sonic being so close to you anymore!

You're lost and alone...

Ready for him to take you as his own.

You're subjected to the worst of his obsession when Sonic is removed from this universe without you.

His greed makes his own crew scared of him.

Scared to the point they can't do much to help you.

Dread is awestruck about you like something to be admired.

His purple eyes hold so much yearning.

He keeps the crystal away from everyone, especially since he fears you can use it the same way as Sonic.

He'd be a fool to give up a treasure like you.

You'll notice the more confident pirate is even bolder with affection now.

After all, he's convinced you're all his now.

"Our meeting was the start of something fruitful... stop squirming, will you? You're mine... I get to hold you because you're MINE."

Utterly unhinged.

He is not the same pirate you knew with Sonic after he gets the shard.

Part of you wishes to blame Sonic... although you know he wasn't entirely at fault.

Sonic caused all of this...

But you believe he'll fix it.

For Sonic, you tell yourself, you allow Dread to do what he wishes.

You just feel when this is all over you'll never see Knuckles the same way again-

It saddens you to know that Dread was once part of your friend.

A part of your friend that's greedy... possessive of anything he deems a treasure.

Including you, a close companion in his heart.

Every affectionate nuzzle from the captain feels too needy.

Dread's gaze tells you everything you need to know when he holds you.

No matter what you say, he's convinced you're his.

Words won't get through to him anymore... you have to play the waiting game now.

"You're mine... I'm never going to let you go. Not even Sonic will take you away from me! Not when I have you!"

#yandere sonic the hedgehog #yandere sonic prime #yandere knuckles the echidna #yandere knuckles the dread

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transsexualgriffith · 3 months ago

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what *is* berserk? i've heard about it/heard the title, but have like 0 clue what it's even about other than potentially "grimdark medieval-esque fantasy"

sexual repression.

okay that was my meme answer, reyni i cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am you asked this. I will be very upfront and tell you that truly even after all the praise I will sing it, i consider it highly unlikely that berserk is a story you personally would enjoy, but I am so glad I get to tell you about it anyways.

the question of "what is berserk" is kind of..infinitely complex. none of the assumptions you have are wrong, infact they're right on the money, and you would be far from the first to have never known berserk to be anything but those things. i don't believe that I knew very much of anything at all about berserk before I myself chose to watch (and then read) it. I went into it basically completely blind and I believe i was better for it, because nothing anyone could've told me about berserk would've been able to prepare me for what I was about to read.

berserk is, first of, and I believe you're interested in manga as how it exists as a medium and of course japanese culture associated with it, one of the most influential manga of all time. it is essentially a manga equivalent of classic lit, and rightfully so. berserk has some of the most incredible art work I have I have ever seen. berserk is extremely thought out and detailed and it changed a million perspectives on manga as an art form by its existing. set an impossible standard for seinen forevermore. it has immense value in being looked at through this lense alone.

and berserk is dark. and edgy. and a product of its time. berserk is incredibly violent, in all ways that a story can be violent, sometimes smartly, sometimes poorly, rarely apologetically. berserk has possibly every trigger warning in existence, it has an abundance of things that are nasty and inappropriate and should not have been written in the way they are, and should not be celebrated for it the way that it is.

and then, berserk is queer. this shocks many people to find out, because in fact the common consensus is otherwise, and berserk has a horrible cishet-male dominant fandom who cannot comprehend even the basic themes of the story, and its queerness is the antithesis to all that berserk is largely understood to be.

but reyni, berserk is so queer.

berserk is one of the queerest stories I've ever read and i really don't say this lightly. queer readings of classic lit are possibly all I have been doing for the past nine years or so of my life and I count berserk among them. berserk is more queer than alot of stories with ""canonically"" queer rep could ever aspire to be, because in berserk the queerness is the driving force of the plot. everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in nearly four hundred chapters of this manga, has occurred in consequence of two men being unable to reconcile their (sexual) trauma with their emotions, primarily their feelings towards one another. and berserk is not subtle about this. it is honestly the least subtle thing I can imagine.

berserk is the story of an ex mercenary called guts on his quest for both revenge and personal growth, and more importantly it is the story of a young mans struggle with repression, apathy, anger, deep feeling, and desire. berserk is, in this at least, very clever about utilising guts csa trauma as his reason for succumbing to violence. in general I think berserk if treated the right way, is a great case study for the anatomy of male emotion. berserk is the tale of a mercenary bands falling head first into glory and then doom, it is a high fantasy with incredible cosmology lore behind it, it's about political intrigue, its about religion, it reaches the darkest depths of what fantasy can be and sometimes brings it to the highest; there are parts of it I think you might detest and there are whole arcs I think you would love, there are chapters you would never know were from a seinen because its being intentionally written like a shoujo; you forget the darkness for all the light just as often as the other way around; there's a cursed amulet, and there's even bishies. (also they've got blue haired elves which I think u could appreciate.)

i know this has gotten a little long, but I really wanted to give u a real impression of the wonderful immersive hundred-fold that berserk is to me. I dont think I can ever truly put it down into words. I doubt you'll be surprised to learn of my love of white haired bishounen since you have known me rather some time now, and certainly that's a driving motivator but I earnestly didn't expect to ever get as much out of berserk as I did. it's maybe the most I have ever fallen for a story. ty for ur askkkk don't read it

#mine #also since I know you're here bcs of the username lore post and if u want context on what I said there #griffith from berserk is probably one of the most detested characters of our time #honestly I'd find it hard to compare it to something however you like mori bsd so I believe you will understand #(though in the case of griffith it is not poor translation at fault but simply bad faith interpretation negative stereotyping and biases)#it's sometimes very frustrating but I'm not online enough to be excessively bothered by it #please if you have any more berk questions u can always come to me with them #thank you again for asking abt it #meta

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nkn0va · 6 months ago

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A little (LMFAO) oneshot

So for all you Blazbros out there, you're more than likely familiar with @your-phantomfield by now. Recently they released some Nine headcanons and upon reading it the inspiration for this manhandled me by the jugular and would not let go until I write this. I have no reason other than that to do it really, this isn't a request, I just need to do this so it stops bothering me. You can check out the post that inspired this here.

This will not be an x reader like normal, it will be featuring a Blazblue OC of mine. It'll be the first time I've written for him (or any of my OCs) like this so hopefully this won't be a disaster.

So for the trouble you've caused me for this, phantomfield, affectionately, fuck you.

(Long ass post under the cut.)

This is 2.6k+ god damn words.

The distinct sound of shattering glass was heard for what felt like could be miles around. Though if one were to approach the direction it came from they'd be proven wrong. The temperature dropped significantly just outside the ruins of Ibukido, the winds carrying a cold, foreboding sense of overwhelming power. The sound could be heard repeatedly over and over with no end in sight, much to the dismay of one Ragna the Bloodedge.

He clenched his teeth together, a mix of the inward feeling of frustration and the outward feeling of freezing his ass off. Mismatched red and green eyes stared down the opponent before him. Another man about his age, with short black hair, average height, wearing a purple coat around his shoulders that seemed...oddly familiar, somehow. It was the same feeling as meeting just about everyone else from his past when he'd lost his memories, but having them back and still not being able to recognize anything about this guy only pissed him off even more.

With a shout, Ragna charged once more at his opponent, sword in hand. The buildup of blue essence in the stranger's hand stopped him in his tracks before he could completely close the distance, being forced to hold up his weapons and block the chilling blast of energy. The hand gripping Aramasa and it's handle were frozen solid in ice, causing him to groan in pain.

"Son of a..." He smashed his arm against the ground, breaking the ice. Despite his loss of temper though, the stranger only smirked. Their long, intense battle had left him surprisingly winded, both combatants needing to catch their breath.

"I have to say, I'm impressed. You certainly live up to the expectations given by a name like the Grim Reaper."

"Well that's too bad. I didn't ask for your opinion."

The stranger only let out an amused chuckle, seeming to be enjoying their bout. Ragna leapt into the air, turning Aramasa into it's scythe form and barreling towards the ice user at astonishing speed, the stranger barely leaping out of the way in time. The blade suddenly swung in a wide arc again as Ragna landed too fast to react and sliced across his chest, causing him to let out a shout of pain and stagger back before blowing the SS-class criminal away with a freezing gust of power. Ragna only felt himself getting more and more sluggish the more the battle went on. The cold was seeping into his bones, making it harder to get his body to do what he wanted it to.

How long had he been fighting this asshat now? Could've only been a few minutes, could've been an hour. His mind was in much the same state as the space around him, almost in a haze from the temperature feeling like it was trying to turn him into an Azure flavored popsicle.

The stranger looked around at what he'd done to the environment around them, seeming to snap out of his surprisingly battle enthusiastic mood. He'd seemed like such a normally calm, collected person, at least until he engaged Ragna. Even quicker than it had appeared, the frost and haze vanished into thin air, as if it was never there. The sun was visible once more.

"Well...seems like I got a bit more out of hand than intended. I haven't had a battle like that in a while. We should really do this again, Grim Reaper."

Ragna only scoffed in annoyance. "If I ever have to see your face again, it'll be too soon."

"Come on now, don't be like that. I have a feeling we're going to be seeing each other again very soon." A swirl of snow emanated from the stranger, obscuring Ragna's view of him. By the time the snow faded away, he had disappeared without a trace.

Ragna turned to the spectator viewing the fight. "That guy just...teleported. And that ice...who the hell is he?"

The diminutive blonde vampire looked at the spot where the stranger once stood, a rather rare look of reminiscence crossing her pale features.

"So he's one of the Chosen as well... I suppose it's not in the least surprising."

"Rabbit, just answer the question. Who was that just now?"

Rachel paused for a moment before speaking. "...Six."

"See, was that so hard to do? It's Six, of the Great Sages." Ragna was clearly still pissed from their previous battle, it took a moment for Rachel's answer to really register in his head.

"...Wait, what!?"

Rachel sighed. She seriously doubted his ability to get any louder than he already was, but then again, he did always have a certain way of surprising her.

"I doubt you met Six during your foray into the Dark War. He was not appointed to his seat in the Mage's Guild until rather late."

She turned away as she thought back to that time long past. "He was abnormally young when he attained such a position, but despite that even Nine saw what he could become during his student days. She personally took him under her tutelage. His assistance was even instrumental in creating a number of the Nox Nyctores weapons as fast as they were made."

Ragna let out a low whistle upon hearing what Six had done. "So this guy's pretty legit, huh? No wonder I'm still cold right now."

"Indeed. His control over the element of ice is unparalleled. Even Nine herself has difficulty matching him in that department."

The Grim Reaper paused for a moment, thinking on this new info and what it meant for him now. "Hey...if he really does go that far back with Nine, then do you think they're..."

Rachel didn't take long at all to figure out what he was trying to ask. "There's no way to say for sure, but those two are indeed very close. I'd say it's rather likely they're cohorts in their schemes once again. Whatever they're planning, we ought to be careful."

The thought of being pitted against two of the Great Sages at once almost sent a chill down Ragna's spine, and it wasn't the one that still festered in his body. "No need to tell me twice."

~~~

A gust of wind in the workshop hidden between worlds alerted it's only occupant to it's new presence. Nine looked up from her work on the massive robot as Six teleported into the room.

"And just where have you been, hm?"

The Great Sage materialized the hat on his head characteristic to his title in a flash of bright blue. "Oh, nothing much, I was just seeing for myself what all the hype around the Grim Reaper was about."

The mere mention of Ragna left a bitter taste in Nine's mouth, causing her to scowl. "Really? You were out wasting your time with him of all people? Of all the things you could've left me alone for, it was to spy on Ragna?"

It was subtle, but Nine let it slip. She'd missed him in his absence, she probably let it slip without realizing it herself. It was almost an entirely new language he had to learn to understand her true intentions, but he'd had time to get good at speaking it. Considering how long he was really gone and the fact she was still working on Requiem, she'd been working for hours now without a break. Six sighed to himself softly upon realizing this. He'd always admired her drive and determination, but she really never knew how to pace herself in the slightest.

"Have you been working this entire time? How about you at least have some coffee or something?"

Nine wiped away the sweat that had formed on her head from all the exertion she'd subjected herself to, letting out a breath of tiredness. "...I suppose so. The caffeine would do me some good if this is to get finished on time."

She got up to her feet and walked over to the coffee stand in the workshop with Six in tow. The two mages got to quickly putting together their coffee, Six finishing his first. For someone who used ice magic his hands could work surprisingly fast.

He looked over to Nine as she was finishing hers, namely pouring in sugar into it. Most people would stop pretty fast when they're pouring such a high volume of it from a four pound bag, but Nine was not most people. She kept pouring...

...And pouring...

...This went on for a concerningly long time. No matter how many times Six saw her do this he didn't see himself getting used to it anytime soon.

Eventually though she did finally stop, though the bag was noticeably emptier than it was before. She stirred the now almost white liquid in her cup with a spoon before taking a sip, sighing in bliss. "...Now that hits the spot."

Six almost voiced his more honest concerns out loud for her physique with the practically waistline destroying amounts of sugar she consumed, but he managed to hold his tongue back. He knew damn well that commenting on her body like that would not end well, even for him. How she managed to keep in shape with a diet like that (even calling it that is probably debatable) he would never truly know.

"Are you...really sure coffee is good with that much sugar?"

Nine allowed herself a laugh. It seemed like such an redundant question. "Well it's the only way to have any warm drink of course, don't you know that? As sweet as you~"

Six stammered over his words, much to his lover's amusement and satisfaction. She took off his wide-brimmed hat and ruffled around his hair in a...lovingly condescending way before setting it back on his head.

The pair of them sat down for a little, taking a much needed respite. Not a word was said between them. It was a comfortable silence on the surface, but that only left room for both their naturally extremely active minds to think, especially Nine.

If she was being honest, she sort of considered her marriage with Jubei over. Sure, she did still greatly care for him, but relationships forged in the fires of war, especially one so brutal, had clouded her view on love. It was only after breaking free of the Mind Eater spell that she could think clearly. Whether Jubei respected her decision or not, it didn't matter. At least, it wouldn't when Requiem was complete.

Though speaking of love, the one she'd found with her fellow Mage was...well, it wasn't quite normal, either. They'd known each other for years during the war, yet she could only admit her feelings to both him and herself at the precipice of the apocalypse itself. That...seemed to be a habit, weirdly enough, meeting those she cared about in times of such crisis. Six was no different, in both cases.

Speaking of Six though, he seemed oddly comfortable with such circumstances. He was always an odd one, in a lot of ways. Though that's what intrigued her so much. Inviting him into her circle once more, as her lover got her mind racing. Celica had always been fond of him, though that's how she was with everyone. Would her dear daughter ever come to accept him, if she even accepted Nine herself in the first place? What would Trinity eventually think? Would she even get the chance to find out?

Izanami had taken an interest in him too, though mostly because he was one of the Chosen. He had the chance to fulfill his dream just like the others, to take fate into his own hands, yet...he chose to bet on her. Her dream, her plan. He was the only one who could still accept her for who she was despite the atrocities she'd committed.

He believed in her in times of crisis. He trusted her more than anything. She had the temptation to call him a lost little boy running for help but...she knew better than that by now. He's proved himself time and again. If he couldn't, he wouldn't be alive right now.

That's how it was for everyone, especially for those she cared about. If they weren't strong enough, they were gone before her eyes. This twisted sham of a world had a way of doing that, one way or another. One that seemed to take some sort of sick pleasure in agonizing her in every way possible.

All these thoughts and countless more, messy, unorganized, and chaotic, were practically screaming in her head, almost as if they were turning against her. Yet all at once they were stopped. Stopped by the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. Her golden eyes met Six's.

"Hey, is everything alright?"

Well, that was kind of a stupid question. A better question was 'what wasn't alright?' Yet for Nine, it didn't feel like that, at least not as much. The look in his deep brown eyes, the cold yet comforting hand reaching out to her. A safe haven in a world of nothing but chaos and pain.

Nine felt an odd feeling well up in her chest, one she couldn't recall the last time it appeared. Yet she didn't let it show. She couldn't. At least she didn't feel like it. All she knew how to do was to put on the proverbial mask, a mischievous smile growing on her face.

"Aw, is my little snowflake worried? What a sweet little thing you are~"

She raised a black gloved hand to hold his cheek, doting on him not entirely unlike she did with Celica. "Don't you worry about a thing, that's supposed to be my job."

Six practically froze up, ironically. Nine just seemed to have a way of making him do that. Before he could completely formulate a response, she downed the rest of her coffee, clearly not wanting to waste anymore time than she already had. It was not on their side. As quickly as their break started, it just as abruptly ended.

He was left to his own metaphorical devices as she went back to her physical one after putting her now empty cup back on the table, letting out a quiet sigh to himself. This was nothing new to him, something he should've seen coming a mile away. Was he stupid for expecting anything to change? Probably.

More than anything, he yearned for Nine to be able to be vulnerable with him for once. He wasn't expecting her to turn into the mushy, sappy type of girlfriend, that just wasn't who she was, especially not with Doomsday on the horizon. When neither of them knew if they'd ever even get to see another sunrise. The sardonic sense of humor, the brashness, the unwavering drive, that was what drew him to her in the first place.

She deserved better. So, so much better. He didn't know yet if he could put himself into that category, but he'd be damned if he didn't help her get it. As far as he was concerned, she needed it more than anyone. And perhaps there was some objective validity in that belief. At least he hoped so.

Nine was a prime example of one being a product of her environment, and he knew that better than most. Though at the same time the idea brought him some comfort. Perhaps in the next world said environment would be better, they could live the life they were robbed of at every single turn...together. One free of violence, pain, and strife. One where Nine wouldn't have to sacrifice everything. One where she could be who she truly was and not have to watch her back 24/7. One where she could be herself, be vulnerable.

Six would fight for that life. Even if he had to experience all the pain and suffering she did ten times over.

#blazblue #nine the phantom #oneshot #original character #god this took forever #please no mistakes

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bluebunnyears-08 · 2 years ago

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The Bittersweetness of Sonic Prime

You know when I go back and rewatch the episodes of this show because of how it ended, and because of its interesting story, I realize how horribly bittersweet it is.

Usually, Sonic stories have epic adventure stories or happy positive feelings but Prime is just...bittersweet. It gets even worse when you remember the ending of the first batch, which leaves SOO many interpretations.

Sure, there's some action here and there, but the main focus is the characters and their feelings. It's not about the fights or good vs evil, it's just about getting home, and trying to find light in a pitch-black room.

Hope.

Which makes the ending of the first batch worse. Home doesn't exist anymore, Sonic broke it. The way they handle Sonic's character is actually well done in my opinion. He's bubbly, positive, and cocky, but ultimately well-meaning, and unconditionally kind. There are some things he says that are annoying, but nothing too bad. Nothing too unwatchable.

I absolutely enjoy it when they put flaws instead of making Sonic a perfect hero like they usually do. He's more real, and easier to get attached to. He's immature, but he is still a teen, still growing and learning about the world.

The other characters are really good too. And one thing Prime does is show deep empathy for its characters. Each character has more depth to them, and when they express distressed feelings, you can understand and feel it. At times, you can even relate to their pain.

(The way he poses XD, he knows he's a bad bitch)

And I couldn't use this pic without this one.

(Period. End of discussion)

Shadow is another really well-done character, not an overly edgy asshole, but a cold person with a hidden heart of gold. He's standoffish to Sonic, and most likely his friends, but his and Sonic's fighting probably is nothing but competitive sport. Not to mention their fighting ACTUALLY MADE SENSE. Shadow saw Sonic was going to do some stupid shit again, except this time he would break the WORLD, so naturally, he tried to stop it.

Of course, he was going to fight Sonic, the blue bitch doesn't even listen to his friends. Of course, he's going to literally knock some sense into him the first chance he sees him, he broke THEIR HOME.

I agree Shadow could've tried to talk to Sonic, but again would Sonic have listened? Not to mention, Shadow is...a complicated person when it comes to communication.

The variants of the main characters are really good as well. Each of them has goals, ideals, and sides. Of course, there's one that stands out to me, and if you've seen my posts you know who it is.

I can't NOT talk about Nine! He's just so interesting and well-written. The show emphasizes a LOT of mystery around him. Like we KNOW this is another version of Tails, but what happened after he took the shard? How did he see Sonic? What did he discover about Prism's power and how to harness that power? What is going on in his head?!

We'll have to wait for these questions to be answered in the second batch, but he's still very fun to watch. In my opinion, he's not only the best character in Prime, but he's also the most bittersweet in the Sonic Franchise. when Sega tries to write a bittersweet character, it's either too sad or too happy, too edgy or too go-lucky, but Nine is a perfect in-between.

Nine is edgy done right, I am so sorry Shadow SEGA ruined you, and has moments where he's happy too. He's just a very complex and interesting character.

It's hilarious that "emo Tails" written by Netflix is better than any other edgy character SEGA made up. When he blows up or becomes cold, it's understandable.

Attacking Sonic the first moment he meets him? Sonic called him something he was abused for YEARS for, so naturally, he thought Sonic was another "bully". Taking the shard over helping the rebels? He watched the only person he ever bonded with get sucked into this shard, he never bonded with any of the rebels anyway. Doing it again when there was a battle? It wasn't his problem, it was the rebels' he was only working with them because he was helping Sonic anyway.

However, back to the topic, all of the variants Sonic bonds with reminds him of his friends back home, so yeah, he helped and bonded with them, but he doesn't belong in that world. Except his world is destroyed, his home where his REAL friends are, his friends that he mentioned are what make his home, home.

If he does manage to get all of the Paradox Prism together, those worlds and those variants will likely disappear. The variants would go through the equivalent of dying. They'll become one again, but they'll cease to be nothing more than mere traits, they won't be alive anymore, and they won't be their own person anymore. They'll cease to be, nothing more than the shards they are.

No matter what, how happy they are, or how satisfying the conclusion is, they will still have to "die", all just to become a shard of someone who will never know they existed. No matter how optimistic you look at it, it will have a pang of heartbreak.

And I think the chance of them remembering is highly unlikely because it would take away from the main theme of Prime. This isn't about them learning something, it's SONIC, and probably Shadow. If they remember it would kinda ruin the main tone of this show.

If anything, they'll just think it was a simple dream and think nothing of it. Because that's all it was to them, not a deep journey, not a meaningful bonding, just a weird dream that they don't need to think about ever again.

What will the varients think of that? What will NINE think of his worth? Nine and every other variant are just copies, things that aren't as important as the real thing. They aren't worth much, they're just variants, just "shards". With how Nine suffered, with how much Nine WANTS, I don't think he's just going to overlook it and help.

I also think that with his villain arc will come another solution. Another way the world can be restored is without simply converting him, mashing him up with the other meaningless shards, and becoming the real Tails. Another way where he won't be just some shard.

And to be honest, if there's another way that involves Nine going crazy but getting his way, getting to be HAPPY, while restoring the world and bringing everyone back without having to "die", I'm DOWN.

Some people hope there will be a redemption arc, and so do I, I'm hoping that the thing I mentioned just now will be it. Redemption is not always happy, it can be sad or bittersweet. When he does get that, it'll most likely be the harshest bittersweet ending of all.

I keep reading posts that Nine is a good boi or going to be a villain, but I want to say something that needs to be clarified, Nine isn't a good person, but he's not a bad one either, he's simply a kid, and we CANNOT forget that.

He's just a kid with NOTHING to lose, and when he finally finds something to be worth living for, he's never going to have it (unless he does things his own way).

There are some quotes from other Sonic games that I think fit well with what I'm trying to say that sum up ALL these characters, especially Sonic and Nine. All of these were said by Sonic btw.

"Don't be afraid to accomplish your dreams."

"When you want to do something, do it right away. Do it when you can. It's the only way to live life without regrets."

“Every world has its end. I know that’s kinda sad, but that’s why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have.”

“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have!” -(Actually stated by Shadow, my b)

“I’ll never look back, I’ve got no regrets. Cause time doesn’t wait for me. I choose to go my own way.”

#sonic prime theory #sonic prime spoilers #more sonic prime!#nine sonic prime #nine the fox #nine needs a hug #nine deserves to win no matter what #miles nine prower #shadow the hedgehog #shadow the ultimate lifeform #sonic the hedgehog #poor shadow #poor sonic...#oh nine...#they all need a hug #and therapy

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transmascsonicthehedgehog · 10 months ago

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GOOOOOOOOD AFTERNOON TUMBLR I'M FINALLY UP AND AT 'EM (<- WAS LAYING IN BED). SEASON 3 THOUGHTS START NOW.

my biggest gripe with season 3 was the ending. you can really, really tell that this was supposed to be a much bigger series but it was literally cut in half due to corporate meddling. netflix is known for doing this so i wouldn't be shocked.

another gripe, A VERY SMALL ONE mind you is that i feel the battle on the grim dragged a bit too long but there was more than enough enjoyable moments between characters and pretty visuals to make up for this me thinks...

that being said, let's move on to my positive thoughts and get the biggest fish out of the water out of the way first;

SONIC AND SHADOW BEING SO WELL WRITTEN IT ACTUALLY FUCKING HURT. sonic realizing just how fucking deep the consequences of his actions were, sonic going back and forth between wanting to just play hero and tie/fix things up in a neat bow and slowly realizing the only true way of fixing the universe really was to accept what he had done and "give" himself up.

self sacrificial either way, but the end with him telling nine he was willing to risk dying to save the universe crumbling away into nothingness, with nothing but the purest intent of saving everybody and giving them a second chance while he, potentially, gets killed, actually made me fucking cry. sonics character arc throughout this series was probably the best i've seen in a LONG long ass time.

shadow on the other end of the coin... he was mad. justifiably mad throughout the run; sonic had destroyed everything and wasn't treating this as seriously as he should. but as the two spent more time together, he softened up. he realized just how much sonic was hurting and how he was this close to crumbling all together.

i never thought i'd get to see shadow trying to comfort sonic, reassuring him ( in his own ways of course ), protecting him from danger ( i.e s3ep1 ) and just being there for him in general. i NEVER thought we, canonically, would get a scene with shadow showing genuine worry for him.

as someone that goes absolutely fucking crazy over body language and expressions i literally fucking gasped. the way he held his breath, his arm and expression dropping, the way his eyes shrink. oh my fucking god. amplified by the fact that every time sonic would "glitch", that stoic mask would crack again.

he cares. shadow is a caring person, whether that's about sonic or not. he was created to match maria's heart and spirit and it really, really shows in certain scenes of this series, not just season 3.

THAT BEING SAID! shadow was much more closed off this season and i know why. it's because it wasn't just him and sonic anymore, they had an entire group of people with them.

i have so many thoughts about these two specifically but this is my thoughts on season 3 as a whole, so let's move on. my closing thoughts on them is that shadow had some of the best fucking writing since the 2000s here and i mean that.

THE AMYS!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW THEY WOULD ALL COME TOGETHER AT THE END LIKE SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! the way they bounced off of one another, the way they flowed together so smoothly and were receptive to each other was literally so touching. i loved every single fucking second they were on screen and i wish we could've had more, something i can say about the rouges, bigs and knuckles' 100%. to me, it felt like a part of their personalities coming together at the end despite their "original" selves being long gone by that point...

the way everybody bounced off each other whether negatively or positively was a fucking treat. i loved seeing the egg council interact with everybody, seeing them bicker amongst themselves and letting their shitty egos shine was HILARIOUS. i don't care what people say tbh dr. babble is hilarious. dr. deep and renegade knux were ESPECIALLY funny, what the hell was their beef with each other SPECIFICALLY???? HELP........

the grim big reveal scene was fucking hysterical. it was tense as hell but it was SOOOOOOOOOO fucking funny seeing sonic pound the ground and curse nine while everybody ran and panicked i DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! speaking of which...

the tails'. oh my god. when they "died", i cried. i cried a lot watching this season actually. seeing sonics everything fall apart upon seeing them "die" made me fucking cry. he thought he lost them. i think a piece of him broke, and i don't blame him. if i saw my brother seemingly perish, i would've snapped too. i absolutely do not blame him. i got so stupidly emotional when they revealed they WERE okay.

like i said, my two gripes with the show were the ending and the battle on the grim. that was a half lie. my other gripe is that we never got to see much of rouge until the final few episodes, nor did we get much with her counterparts. yes, what we got was GOOD! but i wanted to see MORE of that. but that's not their fault, i'm blaming netflix entirely for why this felt so rushed and incomplete.

on a small note: the grims ability that was given to sonic is probably my absolute favorite out of the bunch, next to the boscage claws. it was fucking awesome and i won't hear anything else sorry. (JOKING)

now. let me talk about nine.

oh. my god. nine. where do i even begin with him.

season 3 has an opening involving sonic and tails cooperating and defeating eggman. together. then it cuts back to sonic and "tails", torn apart and distant. this tails felt as though he had nobody and for the longest time, he didn't. sonic didn't exist in new yoke. he was alone.

nobody saved him.

nine had to save and raise himself, for better or for worse. and we see this tough, apathetic, power hungry wall he puts up quickly turn to dust as the episodes go on. his pained expressions and looks of absolute fury were so painful. the brief fights between him and sonic were painful.

sonic didn't want to hurt him. i don't think nine wanted to either. but he felt as though he had no other choice.

and the moment with renegade knux beating his shield, trying to wear him down and wear him out, the look of stress and fear evident on his face coupled with sonic just watching. sonic watching and slowly realizing he didn't want this. all he could see was a horrified kid. a kid that needed to be talked through. a friend that he needed to save. i'd be lying if i said i didn't cry.

and i DEFINITELY cried when nine finally accepted sonic and hugged him.

i have. so so many thoughts. so many more thoughts that i want to put into words but i can't and it PAINS ME BUT OH MY GOD. I NEED MORE OF THIS SHOW. I NEED MORE. I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. i know this is within the game/comic canon, but please..... something. i'm so scared we're never going to get something this well written again. i love what we got, but the ending hurt me because that was... it. the fact that it ended so abruptly too felt so. unfair. i can't explain it.

is it perfect? no.

but it was great. it did its job and did it as well as they could with the limits they had. i love you sonic prime.

#note that i did NOT comment on the visuals/animation because it goes unsaid #as an animation dork i absolutely fucking loved every moment of it #sonic sez #sonic prime spoilers

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clevercatchphrase · 10 months ago

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2023 Year In Review~

at the time of me writing this, it is 8:11pm on tuesday night, january second. Let's see how long it takes me to type this entire thing. I expect no less than two hours. This is gonna be a long one, so I'm gonna put it under a read-more. Proceed only if you dare!

So! Another year down, another begun, and this is my.... 5th? time looking back on my year and assessing what I accomplished and what I did. Lots of changes and new things happened to me this year! Not nearly as many good things as bad! But first I'm gonna dig up my old resolutions list and see how well I did on them. Let's see... for 2023 I had 9 goals, six of which were serious and 3 of which were more casual. those goals were;

Read 12 new books in a year (one book a month)

Finish the Snowdin Arc before Ghost Switch's 5th birthday

Rewrite the 3rd draft of my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22

Write 4 one-shots for BSaPT

Solidify the details of the waterfall arc

The one secret goal

Finish writing the last 4 chapters of Clemency and finally post the dang thing

build a comic buffer of 8 pages, and finally,

write the crack fic

Of these nine goals, I achived... 4 of them, those being reading 12 books, finishing the snowdin arc before june 18th, rewriting my 2021 nanowrimo project, and finalizing the waterfall arc for Ghost Switch. All of these were serious goals, which I am proud of! but it was still less than half, which was a little disappointing. As in past years, I'll go into more detail below:

Read 12 books I BLEW THIS ONE OUT OF THE WATER! the grand total of books I read this year was THIRTY-SIX! three times as many! In fact, I forced myself to stop in order to have more books to read for 2024! Most of the books I listened to this year were through librivox, and mostly on my commute to work. Great way to pass the time! I wrote short little notes about the books I read on a personal discord with only me in it, so let me see if I can just copy and paste all of that here... (all of my original notes will be italicized, while additional thoughts on it now will not be)

1) Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Short, cute! Inspirational. About self actualization. Read by richard Harris. People call this a demonic book?? Apparently a fourth part added in 2014. Look it up later. (Edit; I never did look it up later. there's an audiobook for this on youtube, and while the voice is nice, there is, like, a solid 10 minute segment with a single violin note playing in the background and it is GRATING) 2) fire bed and bone. Ok. Middle of the road. Too focused on people and not the dog, but I get that's the point. it's ~symbolic~. Like the use of no dialogue and no name for the main dog 3) dogs of the spires book 1: reads like fan fiction (derogatory). Sentences go on for 4 or 5 words too long. Used the word orbs for eyes 3 times. Duke is ALWAYS FUCKING GRINNING. Half-brother reveal makes no sense and comes out of nowhere. How… Big/old is Step? Talks waaay too mature for a kid. What happened to Twig? Very tell and not show. Pink foam pink foam pink foam. Why are dogs separated? Hoe do the packs work? Why training? Not given enough to care for characters. Feels like a warrior cat reskin. Too rushed and yet nothing happens at the same time. (I was very curious about post-apocolyptic xenofiction this year, and this was one of the books I could find on the matter, but it's very childishly written and just... bad. Surprisingly, there seems to be a very tiny but dedicated fandom for it on youtube? the series has a fandom wiki anyway...)

4) old granny fox. Very cute! A little repetitive, but passable for a children's novel. Great introduction to xenofiction for kids. Wonderful audio book. 5)the adventures of Sammy Jay. Short sweet also a lot of fun. Both books are Definitely of their time with their usage of the word "queer" as a synonym for "strange/odd"

Now, this is a little known fact about me, but I'm secretly a massive furry. yeah, who could've guessed, right? Anyway, i'm always on the look out for good xenofiction, and when I searched through the "animals" playlist of the librivox youtube channel and stumbled across the books by Thornton W Burgess, I was INSTANTLY enamored. Old Granny Fox, and The Adventures of Sammy Jay were the first two I read/listened to, and was immediately captivated. I MUST give extra props to the narrators of these audiobooks, with some of the more frequent readers for this series doing unique voices for each character, which really added to the charm (Jude Somers and John Lieder particularly come to mind). I WISH I had these books as a kid. I love the way they describe animal behavior and reasoning. While it is anthropomorphized, it never crosses a line into "too" human, if that makes sense. There's another book on this list that is very similar to Burgess' work, with talking animals, but in that book, the animals make and read signs on the doors of their houses, and go to animal tailors to get their clothes fit. this doesn't happen in Burgess' work. Sure, they talk about their homes and the coats they wear, but it's all very intentionally conveying their natural states and habitats in a slightly more human way for us to picture them. Sure, the art on the covers of the books may say otherwise, but it's never depicted that way in the actual text. All their behavior is very animalistic, too, explaining their thoughts and actions in a way that would make sense for a wild forest creature. These books are a little gentle when it comes to the cycle of life. While the predator characters do need to hunt, they are always juuuust out of luck when they are the main character, and the prey characters juuuust manage to escape each time they're the focus. I will definitely be reading more of Burgess' books this year (the man wrote over 170 of them!), but expect quite a few more titles of his to pop up on this list.

6) adventures of jimmy skunk 7)adventures of paddy beaver (not much to say on these two. both were charming, but I feared I would have sounded repetitive if I just kept writing "cute!" in my notes) 8) my father's dragon Short, cute and silly. Listened to the audiobook. Does the physical have pictures? Not really so much about the dragon. Wish there was more after the ending, like what became of the dragon? (I also watched the netflix movie adaptation of this book. I.... could not stand the dragon in the movie. I'm sorry, he's annoying as hell) 9)adventures of buster bear

10)adventures of old mister toad.Favorite one so far. Puts toads in a positive light and describes them as beautiful instead of ugly or gross. [Burgess] Really appreciates all animals and their unique abilities and traits

11) The tale of freddie firefly. Ehh, okay. Not as great as Thorton Burgess' books, but still enjoyable. Not the same 'voice'. (this book was written by Scott Bailey) 12) The adventures of Chatterer the red squirrel. Fine~ Fun. 13) The Fox That Wanted Nine Golden Tales. Funny, short. Would make a good 22 minute short film 14)tale of master meadow mouse. Alright~ why do the animals know what groundhogs day and February are? How does mouse know how to write, and fox to read? Do they wear clothes? Mention a tailor frog. Oars for a raft. Don't like the animals being described as "(color) person". Feels like it's missing an adjective, ie "feathered" or "furred". (This is what I was talking about above. Scott Bailey wrote very similar stories to Burgess, but something was just... off about is writing style. ) 15) the adventures of reddy fox. Okay. Feels like an earlier book. Not as kind as the other ones. (I later looked it up and confirmed this was one of the earlier books in his series, and this one was, like, his tenth ever published one)

16) the adventures of jerry muskrat

17) the tale of doctor Doolittle. Fun! Kiiiiiinda racist in the africa parts, but an overall good time! (I'm more familiar with the Doolittle movies, but was surprised to learn that Doolittle's ability to speak to animals was something he learned with effort and practice, and not a magic power or weird innate ability of his. It was an interesting read!) 18) Nomads of the North. Fun animal romp. I Flinched at the use of "fat" "tar baby" "half breed" and "Indians". First half is mostly about the bear, then a sudden sharp turn to mostly about the dog. Kinda meanders, has no over-arching through-line, conflict or plot. (Apparently a movie was based off of this book, but focused more on the humans than the animals. Eh, it was the 1920s. what can you do) 19)falcons of nerabedla; short sci-fi novella about a bodyswap time traveler. Its… Fine. Not the greatest. A little too confusing and kind of wish they explained things more earlier on. Not really about the falcons. Even for a sci-fi, still pretty sexist in the future.(honestly I don't even know if I should count this as it's own book. I'm pretty sure it was a short story inside a bigger magazine?) 20) south American jungle tales. Enjoyable! Very strong jungle book vibes with a South American flare. The story with the racoon was pretty dark, though. 21) a gryphon's journey. Too fast pace. Characters have a habit of spilling their entire backstories onto arias without prompting. Not enough show, not enough explanation of how the gryphons work. Some aspects completely pushed to the sides, like the satyrs and naugi until the end. Very rushed. The skyhaven arc could have been its own book, the stygagryph arc could have been it's own book. The heron gryph arc could have been it's own book. Not enough time to get to know the characters or care about them. Arias speaks far too maturely for his age, I feel. (Still on a gryphon kick from the last... two years now? Mostly I'm waiting for the fourth book in the Griffin Ranger Series to come out before I read the third. The author said it would come out before the end of 2023, but that date came and went and it still isn't on amazon at the time of writing (which is now 9:26pm, jeez...) I want to read isthmus so bad, but I don't want to wait on a cliffhanger) 22) myths and legends from Alaska. Okay. Feels very white washed and overly simplified. missing nuance. Reader is so deadpan and monotone that the audio book was a slog to get through (One thing I was determined to do for my own enrichment this year was to read more legends and mythologies from other cultures. There are SO MANY cool creatures and monsters and ideas out there, and I just feel so LIMITED by the small amount I know. We humans come up with some of the craziest shit imaginable!) 23) the white czar; a story of a polar bear. Bad, boring, incredibly racist. Barely about the bear at all! 24) the twins of buster bear. Another thornton w. Burges book. Its middle of the road. Certainly not bad, but my least favorite so far. Just kinda dull, and the audio book was horrendous. (honestly if the audiobook wasn't so bad, I wouldn't have disliked it so much, but it was a CHORE to listen to this one. I mean, thank you librivox for doing all this work for free, but is it too much to ask for some sort of vetting process for your volunteer readers??) 25) the wishing stone stories; BEST thornton w burges book so far! I would have been obsessed with this book as a child. Transforming into animals to learn about their ways. Not super PG like the others. The animals hunt and kill and get killed. 10/10

26) lightfoot the leaping goat 27) Toto the bustling beaver. Both alright. Nowhere near as charming as thornton Burgess, but endearing none the less. A little more 4th wall breaking. Toto audio book fun with silly voices, but I don't like the description of "tramps". A little too humanized for me. Lightfoot audio book fucking trash. Almost gave up. (Both of these books were written by Richard Barnum, another children's xenofiction writer of the time, but I quickly came to realize that his writing style is just not for me. I listened to a handful of his books too, this year, but they left me feeling uncomfortable more often than not because common attitudes of the time period reeeeeally show through his work.) 28) the adventures of poor misses quack. How do these qualify as adventures. She lands in a pond, dumps her backstory for 60 percent of the book, finds her mate and lives happily ever after. Not very strong, not very adventurous. 29) Mother West Wind "When" Stories; a lot of fun, charming, Aesop fable-esque. Fun mythology for children. A little too much peter rabbit, but I understand why he's there 30) the adventures of tamba the tame tiger. Yeahhhh, this series isnt my thing. A little too humanized, and the audio book is fuck GARBAE. (Pretty sure I meant to say "fucking garbage" there, but "fuck garbae" is funnier)

31) joust 32) alta 33) sanctuary All really good! All revolve around dragons and their usage and care. The books are a liiiiiitle too serendipitous, with the right thing always happening at the right time. Vetch/kuron doesn't "fail" enough. Second book is the best so far because the magi are a legitimate threat and it feels like time is running out so they must always stay one step ahead. (All written by Mercedes Lackey, all about dragon husbandry with a nice Egyptian flare! Check them out! But... maybe skip Aerie, the last in the series. It's not really worth it.) 34)aerie weakest one. Ahketen was absolutely unbearable and I didn't like the literal deus ex machina at the end with the actual gods coming down to help. Final ranking in order from best to worst; 2)alta, 1)joust, 3)sanctuary and 4)aerie. 35) the adventures of johnny chuck. Fun, average. Simple but doesn't need to be complicated. First of the thornton books ive read where the main character forms a family with children as the main focus 36) blacky the crow. Fun and charming as always. Feels a little simpler than the others with only 3 main mini stories, two of which involve stealing eggs. I wonder if I can find a box set of these books. (Aaaand that wraps up all the books I read this year! 15 of them were from thornton w burgess, and I hope to read even more from him this year! If you know of Burgess' books, tell me your favorites! I'd love to discuss them with someone~)

2.WHOO! the time is now 9:50, and I am just starting on talking about my second goal, which was to finish the snowdin arc of Ghost Switch before its 5th birthday. I did this! I did this exactly on june 18th! (for public readers, anyway. Anyone on my patreon got the page early, but a one week difference isn't much in the grand scheme of things.) I also get to say that I passed the Snowdin Test this year! "What is the Snowdin Test," you might ask? well, it's something a mutual acquaintance of mine, from the Fan Fic Paradise discord I lurk in, made aaaaall the way back in 2018, right when I was just startin' out with Ghost Switch. (Hi, Vikingaspoke, I don't know if you follow me on tumblr, or even have a tumblr for that matter, but I want you to know I thought about your thesis every single day since you first posted it, and have been determined (har har) to succeed where so many other undertale stories have failed. I did it once with my Epic-long fan fic, You Monster, but to do the same in comic form was a new and unique challenge. it took me almost 5 years, but I got there in the end! Cutting out the memories, I've officially concluded snowdin and started waterfall just this year!) I've also got to mention that I think my estimation on how long it will take me to finish Ghost Switch is slowly unfolding to be oddly accurate. I've never made a comic this long, but back in 2019, when I made an anniversary comic for Ghost Switch's 1st birthday, I guestimated that it would take me roughly 11 more years to finish the story, meaning it would take me 12 in total from start to finish. Well, we are rapidly approaching the half-way point of the comic, and if I haul ass it get to 312 pages out by the 6th birthday, we very well might actually hit it. I haven't drawn up to page 312 yet, but it's strangely close. Granted, my guess didn't account for the length of the flashback segments, which may push it back, but the sheer Idea that the "vibes" I got on how long each arc would take just by roughly judging the time it took me to finish ruins as a baseline to compare... it's just weird, man. I just "felt" that snowdin would be 1.5 times as long as the ruins, waterfall 2 times as long as the ruins, and hotland+New Home also 1.5 times that of the ruins. I have no metric for this since the final scenes were not written out yet. It just... feels like it should be that, and I'm kinda scared at how on track it's been.

3. Third goal was to Rewrite my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22. I did this as well! It's still no where near a final draft ready for beta readers or anything, and towards the end of the year I got distracted writing the second book in the trilogy because this is an epic fantasy story so it just HAS to have three books. Maybe I'll self-publish these stories one day. it sure is the most passionate I've ever been about something original i've ever written, but I want to make sure the entire rough draft of all three stories is done first so I can easily go back and add hints in previous parts without having to retcon anything later down the line. I've already had to do it once, so no doubt in my mind I'll have to do it again when I start trying to wrap things up in the final book. Speaking of the sequel, that was my nano project for this year! I won, but much like 2021 and 22, I didn't finish the book. my 21/22 project ended up being roughly 80k words, and I still expect to add about 10k more when I add some missing scenes and flesh out some description. I don't think that will happen with the second book. If anything, I expect it to barely stick around 50k in total because I just know I wrote a lot of filler and junk and repetitive stuff in the first draft this year because I was STRUGGLING with nanowrimo this year. Idk yet if I'm going to make a rewrite of book 2 my nano project for 2024. we'll have to wait and see how I'm feeling once september/october rolls around.

4. My fourth goal was to write 4 one-shots for my fic collection of Blankets, Socks, and Pillow Talk, over on AO3. I didn't do this, mostly because I was too distracted with my original fiction this year. i DID write one one-shot, hilariously during nanowrimo when I was suffering from writers block. Hopefully this year will be different. I would like this fic collection to at least hit 50k words so it could be a full novel of short stories all on its own. I think I can do it, I just need the time and inspiration.

5. My fifth goal, and last one I achieved this year was to finalize the details of the waterfall arc. I'm sure I've said it before in the past, but all the major story beats for Ghost Switch were planned out well before I even drew the first page, but the scenes connecting them were filled in more as I went. Rest assured, I make sure the entire arc is scripted before I start it, but my dirty little secret is that the snowdin arc wasn't completely written until I nearly finished drawing the ruins arc, and I was well into the snowdin arc before the final scenes of the waterfall arc were written down. It is now, and has been for at least 10 months. This was a goal I always knew I would achieve. Sometimes the resolutions I make are things I know are gonna happen whether I want them to or not. Sometimes you just gotta give yourself a guaranteed win to boost your self-confidence, you know? (now I just need to do the same for the Hotland arc. I think it's gonna take me 3 years minimum to finish waterfall, just like it did snowdin, so I got time, but the sooner I figure out the dialogue, the better. Will I make that a goal for this year? Ehh, probably not. I just wanna focus on building a buffer first)

6. The one secret goal was not achieved. If it was, this post wouldn't nearly be as long and you all would have heard about it as soon as it happened. Idk if it will happen this year, or anytime soon. A vicious combination of anxiety, the economy, and the uncertain state of the world make me hesitant to even attempt this goal.

aaand those were all my serious goals for this year! the time is now 10:37, I am tired and dizzy. I'm gonna save this as a draft and get back to it tomorrow~ nighty night~

OKAY! IT'S JANUARY 3RD NOW, 8:34AM! LET"S CONTINUE!

my three casual goals, none of which I accomplished, were;

7) Finish writing clemency. While I didn't do this, I did think about the story a lot. If you've been around since late 2022, You'll know that when AI writing generators started gaining popularity, news broke that the internet was scraped for data sets, including fan fiction websites like AO3. This extremely pissed me off because Fan Fiction is... well, I guess there's no better word than "sacred" to me. The unadulterated desire to write, create, share and expand on media that has touched us, inspired us, (hell, even angered us!) and to do this all purely because we can and we want to, just to make connections with other people who were fans of the same media, people we may never meet, thousands of miles apart from us, who we can touch and inspire in turn... Fan fiction is a gift. it means so much to me, from the professional writer who writes ficlets as an exercise, to tweens just starting their creative writing journey by imagining themselves hanging out with their favorite characters, to the hobbyists who wanted to imagine how things would change if just one thing happened differently, to those who feel underrepresented in media, and want to see themselves be the hero. People working through shit, people who are just bored, people who love a story so much they will retell it a hundred times over so it never has to end. Young, old, girl, boy, fluent writers, to writers in fandom where english is not their first language. It's an amazing, nearly incomprehensible melting pot that can connect us all... and some CEO jerkoffs just wanted to steal all this heart-felt work and feed it to a machine to make a quick buck. I was so enraged, so violated that works of passion could be abused this way that I locked down all my fics on AO3, and you now need to be logged in to read any of them, and I didn't write a word of fan fic in over a year. Every time I thought my anger had cooled off, more news would come up about "AI" generated stories appearing in the kindle app, or authors having works published under their name without their consent because thieves are trying to make a quick buck with their identity to trick fans, or hear that tv show and movie writers being told they are worthless and replacable, and I would get mad all over again. I'm still mad just remembering it, and until actual laws are in place regarding the use of "AI" in art and writing, I'll stay mad, and my stories will be under lock and key. If some good has come out of it, I focused a lot more on original fiction this year, which I haven't shared online at all, so no fear of that being stolen, but I do miss writing fan fic more regularly, yet I can't stand the thought of something I make for fun being taken and used by someone else to line their pockets. It's like... the antithesis of the purpose of storytelling to begin with and makes me sick to my stomach.

WOW! That sure was a rant! Let's move on! My 8th goal and second casual one was to make a comic page buffer of 8 pages. I almost did this one! At one point, (like, the second week of december) I had a buffer of 5 pages because I was finishing up Memory 5 of ghost switch, but then I realized I could line up the end of the memory with the end of the year, and I ended up posting all of my reserve pages in, like, a week! During those weeks, though, instead of making more pages to keep the buffer supplied, I played a lot of video games instead, which I hadn't done since... october? because I didn't touch my PS4 at all during november while I was writing for nanowrimo, and I missed playing Horizon Foridden West and wanted to get back to it. Maybe this year, though? I'm dead set on trying to get to 312 pages before Ghost Switch's 6th birthday, which is, like, 30 pages away, so I gotta improve my output process regardless.

And the 9th goal of mine and the last of the casual ones, was to write that crack fic. This goal has been on my resolutions for a couple years now, but I still haven't done it. I'm gonna blame my AI hatred grudge for this, since it made me not to want to write any fan fic at all this year. I'll get to this someday, but maybe now I should put it on the back burner for some newer goals and projects~

Okay! The time is now 8:57! if you're still reading this stream-of-conscious ramble of mine, it's time for me to list off my goals for this year!

IN 2024 I WOULD LIKE TO...

Read 12 new books this year (one book a month)

Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th (the 6th birthday)

Build (and maintain!) a comic buffer of 8 pages

Go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood

Go camping by myself

Make at least one new song comic

Finish 4 video games to as close to 100% as I can (currently looking at Horizon Forbidden West, the original Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue, Carto, Alba, Stray, Journey, Unraveled and The Talos Principle 2, as these games currently entice me the most, but I still want flexibility and options if one game ends up not clicking)

Finish the first rewrite of my 2023 nanoproject (this will probably end up being my nano24 project, if i'm being honest with myself)

Write 4 one-shots for BSapT

-- These 9 goals I want to be serious about, but like last year, I have some casual goals i want to do as well. They include...

10. Get reacquainted with Neocities and make a personal website

11. Learn to code to improve said website/learn to make games

12.Listen to the entire royalty free youtube library for reasons

13. Research every d.o.n.g. ever featured on VSauce, for neocities reasons.

I feel like I had a couple more off-handed things I wanted to do this year, but these 4 casual things are the only ones I can remember at the moment. Maybe I'll come back and add to this list later.

Alright! The time is now 9:37AM, and I have to go run some errands/do some house chores! Saving this again as a draft to come back to this later!

Okay! Done with errands, and it is 11:30am on the nose! Time to resume my inane ramblings and hopefully finish this thing within the next two hours.

One thing I mentioned in my recap/review of 2022 was that I never actually felt like I was looking back on the year in depth. So much was forgotten or blurred together with other years because I didn't keep track of it. Well, this year I kept a monthly diary, again in my personal discord of 1, and wrote in it whenever I felt anything of note or significance happened to me, or whenever I had reoccurring thoughts or feelings. i managed to write in it at least once a month, often times twice, that being every two weeks. I found the whole experience quite therapeutic, frankly, and I'll share snippets of it now, though I will cut out the more personal entries. Be forwarned! A lot of the following text is straight up copied and pasted from my diary entries, so there is a lot of misspellings and short hand. I'll try to fix some of the more obvious ones, but these paragraphs are just as stream-of-concious writing as the rest of this massive post. Anything in parentheses with A/N is me adding context right now on the present day!

january 5th, two very close coworkers of mine quit due to upper management being petty. These two employees had worked here for nearly two decades. They were married to each other and were the mom and dad of the work base, with everyone else relying on them, looking up to them, and going to them for their problems. Them walking out scared everyone lower on the pecking order, because we felt that we were no longer protected from manager bullshit with them gone. I was off the day they walked out and didn't get to say goodbye. the grief I felt upon learning they left caused me to have my first ever anxiety attack that night. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. I try to keep in touch, but we don't talk much due to our age gaps and busy work lives.

in January I also had a body-horror nightmare that still makes me squirm just thinking about it. I dreamt no one in the world wore pants, but we were all cool with it because we had pockets built into our legs. Not like... fabric sewn into skin, mind you, I mean naturally evolved extra flaps of flesh over our thighs like the pouch of a cartoon kangaroo. flesh pockets. even in my dream I could feel them. the insides were surprisingly dry and smooth- no sweat or hair in there, but the sensation was uncomfortably irritating, like when you rub your knuckles too much and it feels sore. worst part of this dream was, I woke up, thought "thank god I'll for get this in a few hours", but then watched cartoons later that day and saw a... tom and jerry(?) short where tom also had built in pockets on his body which made me remember everything, and now I can't forget.

February 8th. Watched The Flight if Dragons. Good, campy 80s feel. Drags in some parts, rushed in others. Some aspects feel like they have 0 explanation. (How did peter separate from gorbash? Did peter know that denouncing magic would vanish him from the safe haven? What happened to the princess's parents? EVERYTHING with the wolf and whatever was going on between the huntress and knight. I also Watched 1996 dragonheart. Slow start, but good fun. Pretty decent cgi. Acting is downright TERRIBLE in places, but it was good campy fantasy fun in the end.

On february 14th, I dreamed of a haunted house, but the house wasnt malicious. It felt like a friend that worried for your safety when you left, because it was rooted to the spot and could not come to you when you were in trouble. I did not stay long, and felt melancholic when I had to leave. Once outside, I turned around and said "goodbye house" and waved it farewell. Then, in all the curtains and windows, dozens and dozens of shadowy human arms waved goodbye to me in return, wishing me well and safe travels. It would miss me, but not keep me prisoner, because a house is only a home if you had the freedom to leave and return when you wished.

March 18. I got recommended a video on YouTube about screen savers, and it reminded me of one that our family computer had in the early 00s. After searching for a while, I rediscovered it; the createacard screensaver pack. So many buried memories unearthed. The sense of wanderlust and inspiration and not over such beautiful art came rushing back to me; https://youtu.be/zFPKmnegK0c

I was generally tired for all of march, not having much energy for any project outside of my comic, and even that was starting to wear me down.

I played a lot of kingdom hearts 1 in late February/early march. Synthesized the Ultima weapon for the first time. Cried farming sniper wilds and stealth soldiers because they unsettle me. I'm trying to grind to level 100 before the game is over. Debated on doing a kh song comic this year (A/N: This did not happen)

I want to redo my personal website. Wix added an image file size limit, and my whole site currently surpasses that twice over. The wix site editor is slow and finicky any way. Looked into blogspot and WordPress. I want to start a xenofiction book review podcast. Are solo podcasts popular? I Looked into neocities. Felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and child-like wonder. Made my own account/basic website, but haven't edited anything yet.

I got hit with the seasonal depression late February/early march, watched some home gardening videos on youtube and got inspired. The videos I watched were about people building actual massive scale pond and lakes, but I just went to home depot and Lowe's and Wal-Mart, bought, like, 12 different kinds of vegetable and flower seeds, 3 long rectangular planters and 2 massive bags of dirt. I also bought some peat seed starters, a plant heating pad (which I might just give to my cat) and a plant light. I spent over 150$ total.

My cat turned 5 years old on the 15th this march as well!

In late april I got really into analog/digital horror args and unfiction realities. Been watching a lot of Night Mind and similar analysis videos (I'm too lazy and dumb to try and solve them myself).

April 28th. Maternal grandfather might be passing soon. He's been in and out of hospitals since late January, needs around the clock assisted living, and my mom and her sister are constantly having to take time out of their lives to help him. I hate it. It's stressful and aggravating to mom, the assisted living people are incompetent, and my mom is stretching herself thin, running ragged trying to do everything at once. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to anyone.

May 11th. Mom's computer has a solitaire program with hundreds of versions of solitaire, most of which have gone unplayed. Ive been trying new games and learning them through trial and error (the "rules" tab doesnt work because it accesses a file that is no longer installed on this computer). Ive found new favorites in "twenty" and in "carpet". It makes life just a little bit more interesting.

June 4th. Been really into watching blind lets plays of undertale from 2022/3 lately, as well as dissection/discussion of undertale's music. Also into shayy's undertale mods. Glad the fandom is still having fun with this game. Got interested in pokemon infinite fusion. Downloaded it, but havent played yet. Getting back into PMD, though I have to grind now for leveling and evolving mons I cant recruit. Took a break from listening to librivox books, but might pick it up again. Same with checking in on flight rising. This year will be it's 10th birthday iirc

Looked at my ao3 recently and noticed I havent written anything in over 6 months. Still mad about the AI data scraping. I didn't stop writing entirely though. I spent all of October, November, January and February writing an original story, and still really proud/excited about it. Finished typing the rough draft on Wednesday, taking a break before I start edits.

All my flowers I planted in February are dying. Has a lot of rain this year. I think they're getting over watered.

June 6th. Been thinking a lot about Hawaii recently. I miss my old school and house. Went to Google earth to look at it again. I think our old neighborhood of [REDACTED] was razed and rebuilt becuase the streets dont look the same. This makes me feel… Not quite sad or bitter, but hurt none the less. I knew ever since we moved here chances of going back would be slim, but knowing my most nostalgic childhood home is gone forever…

Saturday June 17th fucking sucked for everyone. Two coworkers got seriously injured at work. My car battery completely died and couldn't be jump started. Had to call for a tow and wait 2+ hours for it to arrive. Wanted to cancel but they told me I would be charged even if the tow never arrived. Got charged 80 extra dollars for a "wench fee" I didn't need, but they talked to fast for me to think about it. Massive accident on the 4-lane highway home put all traffic down to 1 lane, and we were stuck there an extra hour. Dairy Queen's lobby closed early, going to drive through only, sonic was OUT OF ICE CREAM, and the local grocery store was almost sold out too. Did not get home until almost 10pm. Both my car AC and my mom's car a.c. don't work. I FUCKING LOVE OWNING A CAR. IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND SO FREEING.

June 28. Been playing a new video game recently; horizon forbidden west. Price dropped by 50% on Amazon and I had a 10$ gift card so I got the game for 1/3 the launch price. It's okay so far. Been slowly exploring and uncovering the map, ignoring the main story and discovering secrets. There is definitely A LOT more to do in this game than in the first. Dont really like a lot of Aloy's line deliveries. Some of the controls are different which throws me off. Robo enemies cool as ever, though noticeably fewer dinosaur ones.

Mom continues to take care of her dad. Aunt does too. All of mom's free time and energy this summer has been stolen by him. She keeps insisting she won't have to look after him as much when he gets better. I don't think he's ever getting better.

All my flowers I planted back in March have died. It's just too damn hot for them. It's too hot for everyone. We have just hit ten straight days with weather in the triple digits. I'm miserable.

Might have to replace my laptop soon. It's almost 12 years old, the battery doesn't work anymore, it overheats, and it's super slow. Looking into gaming laptops.

June 29; grandfather passed away last night. All I feel is relief.

July 11th. I got gifted my grandfather's bed, but had to switch it back out with my old bed because it was too soft and fucking up my back. No lumbar support.

July wrap up: month went by sooo fast I can hardly believe it. Its too fucking hot. Texas is stuck in a heat cyclone. Havent played solitare in a while, or listened to audio books. I managed to do 7 jigsaw puzzles this summer, and hope to do one more. each one has been 1000 pieces minimum, with two being 2000 pieces, and 1 being 3000. I should have taken more pictures of them finished, but it's fun to know we finished one puzzle per week this whole summer.

August 5th; Wish I recorded some smaller details throughout the year, not realizing id want to recall the last time I did something. When was the last time I intentionally watched a movie or listened to a specific song? (but then again, how will I know I'm going to think the exact thought; "when was the last time I did X specific thing?") I rewatched wolf children 2 months back for the first time in years, same with relistening to HeyHiHello songs. Been having a lot of lower back pain lately. Stretching helps, but I can no longer sit or sleep in my favorite position without cramping up. I need to be perfectly straight and i hate it. (A/N: The very next night I pulled a muscle in my back so bad I thought I was paralyzed. for the first time in years, I had to call in sick to work because I could not physically move from my bed)

August 19th. Went to a chiropractor. No pinched nerves or slipped disc, just a pulled muscle. Stretching helps and have been wearing a back brace. Finally had grandpa's memorial on the tenth. It was nice to learn he made friends at his community center. I'll try to be out going when I'm old too. Doctors would not sign his death certificate for 7 weeks because they just didn't give a shit, and we finally threatened to call a lawyer. He finally got cremated.

August 30th- recently had to go to pepboys to get my car fixed again. It was "stuck" in neutral. Grandma came and picked me up to let me go home. She said she doesnt plan to be driving much longer and intends to give her car to me. I dont know how to feel about this. Grateful for the future gift? Sad that she is getting older? I had to have my car towed and had to leave work early, which I hate doing because it makes me feel like I'm leaving everyone else to do my work, but I did not want another repeat with the towing situation that happened in june.

September 19th. I finally put on my brave face and ordered a new laptop for myself earlier this month (the 5th to be precise) and today it finally arrived. I bought myself an HP omen gaming laptop. It's so nice, but also different and a little scary trying to adjust to all this new interface. I went from using windows 7 for the last 11 years to jumping into windows 11. It'll be an adjustment. Gotta re-download all my old programs and transfer my files. Hope my drawing tablet will still work on this laptop. Might have to buy a new one of those as well. I already hate the subscription model being used if you want to do ANYTHING with the tech YOU BOUGHT nowadays. Goodbye microsoft office! It was fun while I knew you! I got libreoffice now! Fuck off adobe! OpenShot and Shotcut are my video editing programs now! I still need to learn my way around OBS, opentoonz, and pencil2d, but I gotta say there's something.... rustic? homey? about having a desktop full of opensource programs made by people who want to help other creatives free of charge. I miss the days where you buying something meant you own it forever, but free homegrown programs updated by community feels friendlier than just owning a shiny "offical" big named piece of software, I gotta admit.

The new laptop is wonderfully fast and silent. It cost me 2 grand so I hope it lasts just as long as my old one. There is no removable battery from what I can tell, which is sad. Also no disc drive. The keys light up rainbow which is cool (but I had to turn that feature off to improve battery life). I customized the desktop background to some concept art of the videogame RiME. (I thought I had saved the default bg pic from my old laptop to my external hard drive, but I guess I hadn't?) Funny to me that in the 10+ years of owning my second ever laptop, I never changed the wallpaper because I liked the default art so much. Might add more art to a file and have the wallpaper rotate. I want to replay RiME again too. Love the simple gameplay and strong colors of that game.

October 4th. So much has happened in 2 weeks, it feels much longer than that. I pretty much completely switched to using my new lap top ad my main computer, transferred all the files, downloaded a bunch of open source software for writing documents, video editing, streaming and animation. Fuck you Microsoft. I shouldn't need an account to use basic microsoft word. Hope to bring back page making streams next year for patrons~ ive even been playing some steam games that my old laptop just couldn't run, and quite a few new ones as well. Candleman, carto, so many fun and charming titles~ replaying snakebird because all my progress was lost 🥲I'm not mad. I love snake bird.

I have so much desire to do so many things, but not enough time to do them. I need to queue up my november posts for tumblr before I go on break. I need to get my oil changed soon. I want to go back on steam and play more humongous entertainment games. I want to write, I want to draw, I want to animate, I want to learn how to quilt and crochet and garden. I want to do it all right now all at the same time. I want to go on a nature walk. I want to see my friends.

Its finally starting to cool off. We still get in the 90s easily, but it rained last night for the first time in weeks, and we havent hit 100 degrees in a couple of days. Been reading a lot of webtoons lately. Been having the urge to start my own with my original storylines, or at least use webtoons as a backup/mirror for my fan comic. So many unique stories there all ready. So many fun art style and worlds to get lost in. I love stories and the people that tell them. The joy of creating a tale and sharing it with the world is humanity in its purest form.

November 1st: youtube is cracking down on adblockers. Havent had any problems yet on desktop, but on this day, my default youtube app on my lg smart phone started showing me ads for the first time in the 8+ years I've had it. I was so mad that i forced stopped the app, and logged into youtube through an ad block browser app instead. Some of the app's features will be missed, like being able to watch a video and search at the same time, but these little annoyances are nothing compared to the fury I felt at being shown ads. I didn't write nearly as much as I wanted to for nanowrimo today because of this.

November 6th: I turned 31! Both my friends forgot my birthday, and I wasn't able to reserve a camping site for the April 8th eclipse next year! 🙃 ive been writing like mad for nanowrimo, but I'm still falling behind.

December 17. Has it really been a whole month since i last made a diary update? Thanksgiving came and went. No drama at our house but my mom and I watched an argument unfold in the yard of our neighbors. The one mobile game I play, dragon's world, officially shut down for me 4 days ago. I'm a little sad I could never 100% it, but glad I got as far as I did, and even managed to buy some dergs so it didnt feel all my hard earned gems went to waste. Havent uninstalled the app yet out of nostalgia, even though I only played this game for a year and a half. I made the mistake of reinstalling the google play store to look for a new dragon raising game, but none had the same appeal, and the reinstall caused my discord app to update and hate it ):< I kinda want to learn how to make a mobile game of my own like dragons world, but with gryphons instead and a focus on rescue/rehabilitation and zoology angle. (I mostly just dont like how common fighting is in these kind of games.) Finally been playing horizon forbidden west after a few months away. I'm not progressing the story, just trying to max upgrade all my gear. It's a fun challenge~

December 26, 2023. Got bit by a dog at work on Christmas. Right on the nail of my middle finger. He broke my nail but not my skin. Its odd. Thankfully I can still draw without much issue. I got a tetanus shot and flu shot just to be safe. Mom got me a tent for Christmas because I plan to go camping by myself next year, even though I wont get to see the eclipse on my outing.

The fan game undertale yellow came out on the 9th… Which was before my last journal update? I've been enjoying the game play but the story is just a little... eh. the sprite work is phenominal, though, no complaints there. I hate that it's making me want to write my own AU version of it already to "improve" it, since I think the story loses its way pretty much once you leave the ruins. (maybe I can try to shove it into Clemency in stead since i still haven't finished that either).

I watched a documentary on kangaroos on netflix this month. I had to play it at 1.25 speed because I swear they slowed down every single clip for the film to get it to a certain length. I also watched "dog gone trouble" which had terrible voice work and awful character design, and then "back to the outback" which was surprisingly well made even if the characters stumbled sometimes, but I'd easily recommend it. I want to watch more Christmas movies before the year is through. (A/N: this also did not happen).

Finally uninstalled dragons world today. My phone's been acting up. Hope I don't have to replace it soon. I don't like how, nowadays, the technology I pay for, I don't actually own, and features are being removed left and right. I'm afraid any "new" phone on the market offered now won't nearly last as long as my current one has.

Aaand that was a brief glimpse into my year! The time is now 1:10pm! I already have one other post going up today, so I'll queue this one to go up on thursday instead~ if you managed to read this far, thank you so much, i guess! I hope my ramblings don't make you see me differently as a person. It's odd reflecting on where I was in my life over these past 12 months, remembering my state of mind and the feelings I felt as I wrote these entries. I'll be sure to do it again this year.

Overall, did I learn anything?...no, I don't think so? I did come to the realization that at the end of every year, in multiple youtube videos and tumblr posts, people mentioned how hard the year was for them, but like... after june, for me, everything improved quite a lot. it doesn't feel right to say that 2023 was hard for me. It was unbearably sad for me at the beinging. annoying and (physcially) painful half way through, but once august hit... everything slowly started to get better, despite the small petty things I complained about in my journal entries above. youtube ads, car troubles and discontinued apps of games I enjoyed still feel like small potatoes when compared to what I accomplished. Finished writing a draft of personal fiction, finished a major arc of a fan comic, got a new laptop to stream and share art with others, played a bunch of new video games, and generally enjoyed life for the latter half of this year.

And it almost feels selfish to say that... I'm happy.

I hope I can stay happy in 2024 as well.

Thanks for reading~

Have a safe and joyous 2024~

#long post #year in review #new year's resolutions #2023 review

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