#could be a dream could be real idk
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"ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴜʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ꜱᴛᴜᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʟᴀʜᴀʙʀᴇᴀ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʜᴇ ᴡᴇɴᴛ ɢᴀʟʟɪᴠᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴘᴏᴏʀ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴍᴇ."
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#tw blood#cw blood#tw injury#cw injury#thancred waters#primordial flame: shiun kazumasa#comic#ffxiv a realm reborn#lahabrea#remember that time lahabrea killed the WoL while in thancred's body and he could see the whole thing??? I do.#could be a dream could be real idk#i had a lot of fun making this#takes place sometime in post realm reborn probably in the middle
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My could-be-controversial take on Jayce Talis is that if he lived in a universe or city where you could just go study to become a wizard, like the Baldur's Gate 3/D&D universe for example, he never would have bothered with blacksmithing or Hextech in general, he would have gone straight to esoteric magic school and never come out again. He'd be Gale Dekarios. Blacksmithing and Hextech were always about him finding a workaround within his own available skills and background for what was possibly the most heartbreaking moment of his young life: that he didn't have any actual, inherent magical ability of his own.
(Which just makes the fact that his mage also didn't have inherent magical ability, that Viktor gained it through his association with Jayce, all the more delicious.)
#now I kinda want a fic where post canon Jayce gets the chance to be a real mage and actually starts crying a bit#maybe while he's dimension hopping with Viktor idk#because that was the original dream for him the rest was just a workaround#jayce talis#arcane#arcane meta#jayvik#if you squint#admittedly I could see him becoming a Wondrous Item crafter in DND to keep him thematically in line#maybe dipping into his blacksmithing background there to make magic for others#but yeah honestly boy just wanted to be magical imo and made do with making magic items
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Might be a hot take as a bkdk and tgck truther here, but I find izuocha endlessly fascinating, beautiful, but also tearfully tragic.
I see their love for each other as something representative of their innocence and naivety when they only knew so little about who they were, and what was to come.
I think the main barrier of their relationship is that its rooted in how they see each other very idealistically, specifically that they're attached to the image of their Best Heroic Selves, and not the deeply selfish, destructive, freaky, and egotistical parts of them. To each other, they need to keep fulfilling that image or else that same person they looked up to would almost die in front of them, and that would be too cruel. Although that hero is still there, that same person they looked up to is not the same now because of...well...everything.
Izuku had barely even talked to girls when he first met her. She was Izuku's first ever real friend (Sorry Kats, everyone and him knows he was terrible), so he saved her in that entrance exam even if it was so dangerous. She gave a new meaning to his derogatory nickname just by being a friend that believed in him. After that, she saved him several more times (Blackwhip and Megaphone are the biggest samples iirc). It makes perfect sense that she is Deku's hero.
Ochako hardly knew what it meant to be a hero when she first got into UA. Just by reaching out to some kid tripping, she made a new friend who would then save her in that exam, then save him again in return. This boy then became someone who was always working so hard to save everyone in trouble, and she realized she wanted to be just like him too. "I want to save people"
But...Deku changes. The weight of One for All is on his shoulders and he needs someone to carry this burden with him. He continues to want to save other people at the expense of himself, still not letting his true selfishness and ego ever show- and it only grows more and more unbearable.
Then...Ochako fell in love with Himiko. Truly, relentlessly, selfishly and devotedly in love with a girl who then dies giving her blood to her- the greatest expression of love Himiko could ever give.
Not that they can't love each other because of this happening (and...so many other things oh god), I'm honestly not sure how to explain it- But them ending up together after losing that innocence and naivety? After Ochako will forever grieve the girl who showed her love in its most beautiful and ugly form? After Izuku changed so fundamentally as a person that the butterflies of a nice girl talking to you doesn't exist anymore? After that simple image of being a hero and being in love has completely changed for them both?
Even so, I believe they still love each other. There is no label I know of that can properly describe them though. They are each other's image of being a hero when it comes to saving people. Aside from Shoto, no one else can grasp the grief of the person you tried to save dying in your hands. They would no doubt try to cope with these losses together, and just try to get better together...but so much has changed. They've changed. The world changed. What are they now? Who are they now?
"What happened...to us?"
#I just think the tragedy of falling out of love for the person who represents who they Used to be is so...so painful#Kacchan isn't even here yet and it's already so complicated.#also. Izch healing together after all this would also be really nice#if u like them ending up together thats also perfectly fine too. im just a bkdk and tgck truther myself. thats kinda my whole thing#but izch forming a deep bond from their experiences and saving eachother#and maybe later on trying to date too...oh boy#and them being able to just...be more casual again. talk abt their lives and dreams together too just so they know they have each other#oh itd be so healing and beautiful#im so glad izuku talked to ochako on that cliff man oh man...#izuocha the underrated tragic love that they could've been if ppl werent so close minded abt them#only the real izch fans understand just how much these two actually mean to each other. god bless yall I swear even if I dont ship ship it#thank u to that person who wrote abt them being characters than run in parallel#that narrative structure for them is permanently in my brain. I love these two so much its no joke#my Extra hot take is that izch wouldve been treated better by the fandom if it was gay.#but we'd still agree on bkdk as the endgame after all that happened. maybe. idk this is a hypothetical.#if you switch ock and kats genders...this wouldve been a very different story and fandom. insane food for thought with this one.#ok thats my yap for the night oh god i have so many feelings about them...#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#izuocha#actually confidently putting this tag now. sorry for the angst you guys...and maybe being seen as a traitor#im a strong girl I could take on potential haters hahaha...#izuku midoriya#ochako uraraka
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“You made yourself a different person than the one I loved” – on Kit’s letter, his projections & idea of Ty
aka where i try to make sense of kit’s letter in the context of who ty was to him. basically i think that understanding that kit may not have had an accurate image of ty in his head helps to contextualise why kit believes the things he does, regardless of whether they’re fair to ty or not. it makes more sense reading lines like:
“in all the world, kit had never met anyone he believed to be so incapable of evil”
“all his energy had gone into ty, all his devotion and hopes for the future”
because you can see so clearly how much kit was projecting onto ty. ty, more than a friend—or whatever you might call it—was also the personification of this new world and all it meant for kit. kit saw him as this overwhelming force of good, beautiful as an angel, someone who not only wouldn’t do evil but was “incapable” of it.
so you can kind of see why everything was lost for kit once ty went through with the necromancy: because by doing so he was breaking the image kit had of him. of ty as a saviour of sorts from kit’s previous life, the person who convinced him to stay, who made kit feel like he was really a part of something, something magical and exclusive that not everyone got to be.
further evidenced by other lines:
“he had been too fixated on losing ty to tell him what he needed to hear” -> kit knows he should have told ty much sooner how he really felt about the situation. kit knows he deflected and in various ways lied to ty about trying to bring livvy back. but kit had wanted to stay by ty’s side, stay included in ty’s plans, more than his desire to tell ty the truth that he hated the idea.
“you made yourself a different person than the one i loved” -> ty as a person being shaped by kit’s projections of all his hopes and dreams, the face of this new world kit was drawn into, the first person he really got close to after he was pulled from one world to another, the person who convinced him to stay.
was the “person [kit] loved” an accurate reflection of who ty really was, flaws and all? unlikely. and the image of ty in kit’s head didn’t allow room for the real ty’s complicated, overwhelming grief, either, and the ways he would try to cope with it: and i believe this is part of why kit was so shocked by what happened and why he’s still so angry at ty. because ty proved to him that he wasn’t what kit believed him to be, and so all of kit’s hopes for his new life came crumbling down.
do i think it’s fair to ty? no, i don’t. but i think both can be true: that kit is upset and had gone through a traumatic situation, and has valid feelings about it while also understanding that he had a very skewed perception of ty that wasn’t fair to him.
mostly i think we need more room for understanding ty’s feelings*. how it must have felt to lose his twin sister in a horrifying way, devised a plan that (to him) seemed completely reasonable** only to have his best friend switch up on him last minute, tell ty he loved him mid-ritual, later say he wished he’d never met ty and basically tell ty that he was selfish and then on top of that leave without saying goodbye.
i also stand by my belief that “how long do you think it will take you to forgive me” is something both ty and kit could/should be asking each other, not just one way around. i honestly don’t understand why both kit and ty would think only kit needs to forgive ty and not both ways. mostly i just don’t think the narrative that ty’s the only one who needs forgiving is very fair, or makes much sense with their characterisation + the context + what actually happened.
in sum, when kit says “you made yourself a different person than the one i loved”, the person he’s referring to is an idealised version of ty whom he had projected all his hopes and dreams for the future onto, and by going through with the necromancy ty completely shattered kit’s understanding of him. this is consistent with other lines in his letter: “you wanted that more than you wanted me”, “when you brought livvy back, you changed yourself” (did ty really change? or did he just prove to be different from kit’s idea of him? genuine question), and perhaps most strongly evidenced by this line: “i don’t know the person you are now. you took yourself away from me. i can’t forgive that.” i don’t understand why he can’t forgive ty for not being the person kit thought he was, nor how on earth ty was supposed to know this, but i digress.
* i hope this is addressed in TWP because between TDA and now, we’ve had FAR more insight into kit’s thought processes than ty’s and as such we’re only really seeing one side of the situation.
** i also think part of the glaring misunderstanding between kit and ty can be understood from their respective backgrounds. obviously for kit, growing up away from the shadowhunter world, something like necromancy is completely out of the question. the way it would be for you or me. but ty grew up in a world where bringing people back to life was something that could and had actually happened. so it’s a far crazier, more impossible idea to kit than it would’ve been to ty.
#kit x ty#kitty#ty blackthorn#kit herondale#tbh – i could write a LOT more on this as it’s something i’ve been wrestling over in my mind since the letter came out#but i’ll stop there for now!#the more i go back and reread bits from tda coupled with kit’s letter and newer content#the more i think he wasn’t really seeing ty as Ty the Real Person with flaws etc. and more of#this dream and a personification of everything good about the shadowhunter world + majorly putting ty on a pedestal#so no wonder kit was so violently shocked by this not being true. but equally idk how it makes sense to be so angry at ty for that? but#maybe that's just me lol#the dark artifices#tda#twp#cassandra clare
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the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
#ganondoodles talks#personal#rare personal rant#theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced#like man#i thought being different was the whole point#like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing#yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu#climate? ethic? whats that#argh#sorry this needed to get out#recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on#and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time#like that last thing especially pissed me tf off#but i cant afford to lose this job#im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real#i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man#i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that#but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me
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Im hc that the sleep/dream god trio's (Hypnos, Morpheus and Hermes) kids are made from the gods dating (usually consensually) a mortal in the dream world and when that mortal wakes up the demigod just spawns
Tho I feel like thats slightly less/more fucked up than Athena's thing cause imagine having what you thought was just a sex dream and waking up with a baby
Idk i couldnt think of any jobs that'd attract a sleep or dream god so i gotta think outside the box
#this is how I hc Cecil was born#He tells this to Lou ellen who just goes “Neat. I used to be a rock!”#now the real question is DO THESE DEMIGODS HAVE BELLY BUTTONS?#pjo#pjo headcanons#pjo headcanon#that does bring up some questions on consent unless we assume mortals immidietly switch to lucid dreaming when gods show up in the dream#cause I know I don't control those kind of dreams as much as I hate them#Hypnos cabin#Morpheus cabin#Hermes cabin#Cabin 11#idk what Hypnos's cabin number is#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo hoo toa#i could of sworn this plot (minus the child part) was in a horror novel I read ages ago
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I sometimes have these dreams where something happens ( usually something I actually have to do in real life ) and it goes poorly and then I have a huge meltdown. Not like my normal ones though, there's screaming and crying and hitting and breaking things. And I yell at people. And I breakdown loudly and I take up space. And its crazy cause my real life meltdowns don't look like that externally. I do cry. And I do hit things and I WANT to scream. But I don't. And it makes me think that I will both never be able to experience the freedom of doing that ( meltdowns are horrible but they are a release of emotion that is sometimes necessary) and that I can't even escape it in my sleep.
#just thoughts#in the dream it feels terrible the whole time but when i wake up im like ' if only i could let go like that in real life'#cause i just cant#im v high masking rn#and i already have to hide my normal meltdowns#idk i just think itd be freeing to scream at mt parents
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Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.
Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now
Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.
Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!
Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.
#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually#also having her say “actually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things#doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously#supposed to believe shes wrong#anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr#anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope#also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and#any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther#actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other#stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss#anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller#and silver swan. and she had a “yuck WHY” to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less#informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller#and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours#or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah#interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pérez#and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also#like british colonization a lil bit#but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight#vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves#whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell#i got off topic here#blah#swishy rant#also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should#always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag#sui sq
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You know, the reason why I'm sceptical over communities on Tumblr is because I think the issue is not how it was lacking in a community feature but how there seems to be a lack of a community mindframe for a lot of the userbase. There's only so much you can do when a lot of people have devolved into only ever using likes rather than actually getting in touch with others -- and there's only so much conversation you can withstand when every new addition equates to reblogging a post in full and potentially annoying your followers with "walls of text" (since, let's be real, this isn't a text-forward website)...
#i'm not counting replies because they're so very limited. i use them quite a lot myself but yeah they're way too restricted#idk i was Having Thoughts. every now and again the crazy dream of starting a wn comm on dreamwidth knocks at my door#but then i think that the fandom is pretty... dead tbh and people don't seem interested in the sort of discussions a comm might house#(not to mention how very few wn fans are on dw -- much to my disappointment!)#or the sort of overall events we could have too. this time of the year is great for gift giving for instance#have you ever looked at fandomtrees? and yet it's just silence here. we go on the wn tag here and we advertise our new fic chapter#or we post art that gets likes but very few verbal reactions all in all so there's no way of knowing what the like actually means#(i know i have serial likers among my followers but tbh we've traded a few words sometimes. i know you guys are real and not bots lol)#(and i appreciate you! i do! though it's a lot more fun when we do get to talk every now and again via dm or elsewhere :) )#and so we watch this nice thing we had just shrivel away and people go on to the next new shiny fandom i guess. eh.#(i was rereading a few of the posts i have on my#meta fandom talk i guess#tag and it inspired this melancholy post LOL i'm fine i'm fine)#not-shenunigans
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setting off for a long journey
#dnf#oblivion au#sketchbook#ert#do I even tag this? should I tag this absolute mess of an au with any of the participants?#this was simply me wanting to draw the view of white gold tower after like a 5h obliv sesh#yes I know that theres only two towers at the side shut up#this isnt even a real location I imagine this would be in jerall mountains but it doesnt make sense#this is like. cheydinhal view at best. probably more south idk I made it up#just needed to have these two kiss in the early morning hours before dream has to leave for a mission#Ive been playing more obliv so there Might be more idk#done with like 10 colouring pencils cause yeah#the blue looks eyestrainy but trust me its worse irl I love that colour#wish I could get the colours more true to life#anyways thank you for reading this rant I am here to talk about this silly au that I am very normal about
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Based on a dream where i caught a cartoon fish
#i keep having fish dreams its rlly weird#but this one was weird weird#it was like a week ago and idk i was fishing like i guess you would irl but then i just caught this like cute 2d looking fish with big eyes#and i got really famous over it and people worshipped me like a god#until it all came crashing down cuz i started scamming people. theres some sorta life lesson in there im sure#the fish kept asking me if i could drive it home but i could never remember where it lived so it was awkward#anyways idk what to tag since its sona art. idk mayn#fish#fish?? its not a real fish so idk HELP#sona art#sona#art#sheetzking#unculturedswine69
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like, genuinely. taking accountability for your actions in perpetuation of abuse and rape culture is the first step to changing that culture. it doesn’t make you a bad person just because you did a bad thing (unless you were intentionally trying to cause harm) but you have to admit you are not immune to accidentally supporting the bad thing and take accountability for that. if you supported george's statements on sexual harassment, or dream's sexual jokes towards minors, or sapnap getting paid money to stream on a platform which openly harbours rapists and sex abusers, you've been a part of keeping the environment that makes it hard for victims to have come out. if you started believing in anti-victim sentiments and harassed other abuse victims for talking about how it made them uncomfortable, you’ve supported this environment. if you assumed anyone uncomfortable with your streamer or trying to talk out against them was inherently lying solely because it was your streamer, you helped support an enviroment that fostered abusers.
and that sounds harsh, and I’m sorry. but it’s true. and to a degree, I think everyone in this community has done that with people at one point in their lives. it's very easy to be manipulated, but it’s also very easy to be wilfully blind, and that’s not something irredeemable or a permanent stain. you can change, but you need to identify in yourself what caused you to act like that and make a conscious change. it’s healthier for you and it’s healthier for the environment. if we want to avoid this in the future, we need to be proactive in calling out actual potentially harmful behaviour, even if it’s from someone you like. or we will continue to harbour mass amount of abusers.
most content creators are not abusers. most, to be honest, are awkward introverted nerds with social anxiety. at least, that’s what i've got from the ones my brother knows (and that includes some big ccs). but while they’re a huge part of it bc being in front of a camera instead of people is a huge draw, there’s another draw that attracts a less savoury crowd- and that’s the position of power. and unless you’re willing to listen and be kind to genuine, serious criticism of harmful actions, and ccs are willing to do the same, abuse and sexual assault WILL continue to be normalised in these spaces. it is not your sole responsibility, but it IS a responsibility to make sure to avoid that now you know the possibilities aggressively attacking any criticism can hide. caiti had to deal with people with her abusers face threaten her for speaking negatively towards him. do not let that happen again.
#obviously not every dteam stan or member of dtblr knew#you aren’t accountable if you genuinely didn’t know about any of these things or did try and speak out about them#but the amount of people I’ve seen who posted abuse apologism acting like there was nothing they could have done and like.#I’m sorry. I sympathise with you but there was something you could have done#And that was not leap on anyone who said anything slightly negative about dream george or Sapnap#this isn’t like wilbur who didn’t have widespread criticism for stuff like this#at least to my knowledge- it very much seems like he made sure to have any of that show in ways that were easy to write off as bits#but these. aren’t. these aren’t bits these were things that these people did in serious situations.#Punz too I guess but idk if anyone did that with him#this isn’t drama this isn’t discourse this is real peoples lives. don’t treat them like blorbo in your shows.
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btw i made a post sometime here about being in a restaurant or something and hearing teenage dream and thinking of larry stylinson because of that one video of them singing it
anyway like two days ago i went BACK to that restaurant and they played just the way you are AND viva la vida
it actually made me feel like i was going insane
#ask me anything#one direction#1 direction#1d#liam payne#MY HEART HAS BEEN ACTUALLY RIPPED OUT#rest in peace liam#zayn malik#niall horan#harry styles#louis tomlinson#larry stylinson#also ive begun to read the most popular larry fics#so far i have read walk that mile and young and beautiful#and like inbetween nights where i can read them i have to go to school and stuff#but now i feel like im in a constant state of death#idk how this happens 😭 these make me feel insane and rip me apart#anyway i loved walk that mile and i loved y&b#i just wish they were longer 😔#just the way you are#teenage dream#viva la vida#coldplay#katy perry#bruno mars#i would actually sell my life or my right arm to go back and be able to experience being a 1d fan during like 2010-2013#i would give anything#i want to see it happen in real time instead of watching videos knowing it all happened one million years ago practically a different plane#then again its given me this weird sense of time#like if i didnt know better i could almost trick myself into thinking that thats them now
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i love when whumpees have nightmares that are so vivid and feel so long and real that when they wake up they can't help but just lay in their bed feeling the huge amounts of relief that none of it was real
#my nightmares dont make any sense but they feel so real#like are they realistic situations that could happen to me? absolutely not but i absolutely do think they're real til i wake up#idk if ive talked about this before but one time i had a dream i got manipulated into believing i was terminally ill#and in the dream i was fully convinced i was gonna die very soon#and then it turned out to be a whole plot to try to make me psychologically vulnerable enough to be convinced to poison and kill my sister#if youre wondering whether or not i went through with it: idk bc i woke up right after that was revealed#but it seemed like i wasnt gonna do it lol#why are my tags longer than my prompts#whump#whump prompt#whump prompts#whump writing#whump idea#whump blog#whump scenario#tw whump#whump tw#writing
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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Looks like I might be getting an Xbox pretty soon. And maybe, 6 months game pass. I didn't want a game pass, planned just buying games I needed (one game, you know which one), but one local shop has some really nice offer with it included. Maybe it's a good idea - to try something else as well, and then buy it if I really like it.
(oh my, didn't plan it before the winter break... I don't have much time for gaming right now... ).
#truly I was doubting whether I needed it at all#like maybe I should just go back to Skyrim on my potato of a PC and forget it all#like a weird dream (that was the best dream until it turned to nightmare)#all this DLC mess left me kinda burnt out#truth is I think souls mechanics by itself could be good for improving my current pitiful mental state#like getting some real challenge not just lazy drunken TES strolls#and maybe getting inspired enough to go on with my AU#alma.txt#not getting PS bc it's more expensive#Also mom won't let me use the TV much so I'll be connecting to my desktop (IDK if PS connets to desktop but Xbox synchronizes well)
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