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blindensteins-blog · 7 years

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the idea of love

early this year, I recomposed on ground of my last sensation, the very moving from home and an phenomenon of some flawless professionality who where like challenging something, my expierence of Love.

although that I wrote much about, found reception with positive remarks on and for sure causing impression. it neither where if something returns or that it been questioned and longed. i felt as if this action had been understood as smart, intellectual or romantic. may, here a reason for what I found attractive with likeability to enjoy such being around me when proper manner and awareness of any reflection.

at being victim of being drugged, an social obligation to join abusing drugs, I kept myself distanced in psychosis. this is important as so far, as people surrounding me believed this happened due to the ending of my last loving relationship. i shared my respect to write about freedom and peace.

i was sick that none understood me. a metaverse and having that falling on an random outcome may caused my life conditions. i did knew it'll remain on to me again to be challenged by time and ability, will to power to be alive.

the base was following.

the first person was technically known to me the longest. it does what I appreciate, tried to give into study her profession and did this sociologically and psychological. my general occupation to been awaked very early and followed superficial when I turned 16. as that time, I was in an intimate relationship. the ending was horrible, i followed her still for a long time, pestered her without terrorizing. the desire to die awake, I had to confirm to be willing to power, but not for school, it was just a particular interest with none in to have me interested. although I glistered at many people knowing them better before ever had to, but something already about me was death. the person, I found very attractive, the expression told a story without words. it is not professional on highest scale but was among the only one who actively perceived what I did. and, for sure, caused influential power which I also occurred to perceive, had to have my eyes open. it would be a clean existence, complications only happening reloading most of the past issues with larger auditory. I will not be able to tell how far It might going into each topic, advancement in sciences or in argument which will at all clearify If I'd still remain engaded or not.

the second person was the latest of those. although it started to be very pale it turned out to capture by far more freedom than expected. the person also remind me to an relative due of the general interest based on appearance. it captured me to begin with that it seemed to be a serious project and experimental records in style and use. due to time it widened it's topics and developed from the an from me recommend to associate on the same platform. the uprising accelerated faster, the growth made a movement. it has been catched so fast of the common principles of marketing. there was a thing in white for an huge price which was fine to me. but my payment methods are still not up to date.

the third person had the most impact on myself. I'd have been around the time still on the high of high voltage and an very huge self-control. minding back, I am jealous for as I was back than. I've got visit from relative's whose Dad indirectly made me associate as I heard saying that it, for something else wanted to have saying it like a little kid. I felt stitches as I saw the third person on my heart like 3 pieces. I found also that there been talked about general dissociation and I knew that along my study I can find a way to guide with success. later on it also happened that I got interrupted by such an pathopsychological, or, in an tulpa like hermetic state. so, within, I had to cause a little balance and fell in an traumatic behaviour.

the person here, is a model.

short after, began to be on a cruiser, travelling the world, making music for free time and also following the profession. our relation turned out to only find participation in the profession without chancing anything in my life reality. it seemed, by this relation alone, I could had the ability to find occupation in politics, as former critic in fashion. it wouldn't had last till the end of the very day but wouldn't reactivate my will to die at all. I would turn on other people with the possibility to marry but although remaining not so on having to visit every place on earth, neither my partner would not have to be stuck on my side. I do not want to go into deep here. I had possibilities to just do to get in contact to, but for this I wouldn't feel well when I'd know that the pieces aren't made by me. and as my circumstances didn't allowed to get into the secrets of business, following season's I still grew a bit with this. the person might be the reason that I were able to hold me back instead of crushing occasional People. I avoided contact to as the person came into the fortune to be able knowing accompanies and many places to know.

the person here is a video artist.

i integrated perfectly into the life. i did enjoyed it when I got humiliated and felt a huge amount of freedom. i learned to accept this, to feel well again with drugs, eventually to life up in psychosis instead of getting lost and harming myself, let the harm pass over me. within all, i would entrance my skills in diagnosis, medicinal and commercial. the success wouldn't be to hold, the relation is not public and we ship some people. the functional group would develope and split into different businesses. the danger to die accidentally is given, despite the stored antidote. my personal political trace would then be the nutrition of the partners, the partner with superiority between being video artist and political figure, opinion maker. the effect is satisfying and some experiences would change the public opinion from conservative to libertarian and inverse. my state however would be a bit cosmopolitan nature, also in the branch of fashion I would appear, but not so often as I sometimes will strike if I'd be surprised by embarrassment. i would not marry, no child been adopted and a fandom till the older age been founded (the religious aspect here would turn private in comparison to the is-at-state). I'd be releasing books, studying alternative and merely been serious and accepted with illicit sources for clean medicine.

this person is singer.

I'd have respect to this Person as I were not able to entire care about what I Identify as my Love. The Distance is great, yes it developed on an very own track. It was successful possible to find reasons and causes that caused this fragmentation of the very feeling. On one side several People been harmed at their breast, cadiac diseases. It did became the most clear euphoria I expierenced and I can't tell where here to begin at all. There might really is none. It would be easier to admit as free space as above, but It won't. Any Drug is permitted but forbidden to take. Influential Sources upon this Person are clearly controlled. It is sometimes so mind numbing, but I've been created to not ever miss. Almost scareful, the existence of the Person is enough and still demands from me to tap into multi-religious contradiction. These are not so least at all so I got be awake at all. For School - it might be my Journey to not have Knowledge about ICD-10/EBM. I have the Ability to crush some little progress of her but been confronted with the old-fashioned little-big-mouse situation. As I would not have to do anything I still find me confronted for anyone in the Zone of Influence of this success and my Situation should cover the most of the Factors that I could freely expand into anything I like, but, as I've had been declared as an alienation to the City which I spend years on in Society's and Clubs but been discredited as Drug Abuser. As the Mindset is wider than the Social Prejudices I am about to be striked with thoughts in and manner of a 0815-weapon. It tears my psyche apart, it, even when I do not have the littlest doubt that I will be not punished severely, any criminalation hit's be proportional making me bleed occasionally. This is a Suffer with no Reason, potential to have me Suicide. I already gave up Cannabis and Weakening myself with Numbing Substances instead of Alcohol which became to strong for my Organisms. There is no Way that I can progress this Anger and Frustration, this Abuse what's been done to Citizen of the Austria country. I'd liked it better when in Germany, they are Humane and not Distanced to Issues like it is to Contract Internet Services Offline.

I spent many Time with this Person inside Dreams, but the Dreams also have been forced anytime on Me. I do not desire to Dream, my Body does that in Emergency. And the sign's look like I've been so old that another Person will go to make it's promise true to marry me if'll be both us on no engaged Relationship. And Until are enough Issues to have me Bleeding, and literally I would greet it to bleed out any drop of my Body when I shall take this Pain as my Parents did. This makes it so over for me to be interested in any Relationship, to come close to People who do have a Meaning to me.

The Love is Real, I have the Evidence. This Normality is not Real, it is as close Minded true Business and Ability by it's own Blindness, the First one to Revolt by a List of Occupation a Person Fulfilled / Works and Professions obtained when there would is No Payment as it was the cause.

I do not have to get into that as I just wait for a Order to Arrive. I have enough to Die. As I'm Alone, all Alone. Been enclosed in this Years ago, my Dead will be Empty of Waves. The Illegality is still a doubt.

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