#cos the first watch was so full of resentment and feeling cheated

[ennaih]

Not Every Film I Watch In 2024:

30. Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002) -- a rewatch

[jadegreenimmortality]

Bungou Stray Dogs Men as Househusbands pt.1 - Sakunosuke Oda

A/N: I’m sorry that this isn‘t a request, but this brain rot has been going on since forever and now I can’t resist it anymore. I totally blame @hanazou for this. There will also be a part two featuring Chuuya, but his part has a completely different feeling to it, that's why I'll post these separately. Besides of that, this is basically an “Way of the Househusband!AU”. Go watch the show or read the manga if you don’t know it, it’s absolutely hilarious! This is mainly focused on them as househusbands, but since you are their spouse, there’s also a bit of reader insert. Also, a lot of Oda as a dad to his orphans. And the whole thing is feat. Dazai. (^^)

Pairings: Oda x gn!reader

Genre: Crack, domestic fluff

Warnings: none

Summary: You, Oda and the orphans move in together. While you become the working spouse, your loving husband stays at home and becomes a full-time househusband.

pt. 2

First things first - If you agree to marrying Sakunosuke Oda, you are also agreeing to become the parent of five children. Oda loves you and you are one of two main reasons he’s leaving the Mafia, the other being his life purpose. But if he’s leaving the Mafia, he’s keeping those kids in (if they want him to of course, but you can’t tell me they don’t, come on -)

So yeah, be ready.

He only cooks spicy curry at the beginning. The curry shop owner gave him the exact recipe of his favourite plate as a goodbye gift and that’s the only thing he is cooking for days on end. He has some basic cooking skills, but this is the only really elaborated dish he knows how to prepare as of now, so be ready to suffer from the spice. It will go on like that until all six of you you and the kids hold an intervention for him. The kids will paint nice banners like they were going to a demonstration saying "No more curry" that they hang up in the living room and he’ll be greeted by your sorrowful face when he comes back from buying groceries.

“What’s this?” – “Oh honey, I’m so sorry, its just…” – “WE CAN’T TAKE THE SPICE ANYMORE STOP COOKING CURRY ALREADY!” – “…I mean…yeah.”

Of course, he’ll be a bit embarrassed and disappointed. May scratch his neck and look to the side thoughtfully. But he’ll take your plead seriously.

This is also how you bond with the kids for the first time. Congratulations, huddling up against someone is always the best way to bond!

He works hard on his cooking skills after that and becomes quite the formidable cook. He takes suggestions from you and the kids and will try to learn how to cook anything you might fancy to eat. It’s really important to him that all of you are happy and cooking may be the most important job of a house spouse, so he takes it very seriously.

There will be curry Tuesday though. One day of spice hell. Enjoy.

Please picture Oda in his usual attire, wearing a beige “kiss the cook” apron over it and bunny slippers. You’re welcome.

He'll learn how to make anime and cartoon-themed bentos for the kids, so it's highly probable you'll get cutely designed bentos as well. Again, you may drop suggestions, he’ll absolutely take them into considerations. Octopus sausages, bunny apple slices, cute bear faces made out of rice, he’ll learn to do them all. He isn’t too sappy of a person, but if he’s feeling romantic while cooking, your rice could also have the shape of a heart. Either way, your co-workers will be very envious of your food and your husband.

Oda iss the master of negotiation at the food market. He’ll be completely stoic all the time, not aggressive or dismissive at all, but he’ll point out little flaws of the products in a way that most shop owner’s won’t be able to deny and that’s how he gets discounts. He doesn’t want to cheat anyone out of their money, but he does have seven mouths to feed.

He may not look like it, but if any of the kids tag along for his grocery shopping, it's really hard for him to deny them something if they beg for it. He may seem unnervingly calm all the time, but he’s a big softie, especially for those kids and for you, and if they hang at his sleeves long enough, they’ll get that ice-cream they want so badly. That doesn’t work on pricier items though, he can be a strict parent when really needed.

Oda is great at handling the finances. He’s well aware that he has to be thrifty with five kids. Still, there is one thing where he struggles to keep his control: books.

If you agree to it, the apartment will have an absolutely minimalistic interior, but! In your living room, there will be a shelf full of books, so big it covers a whole wall. That’s it, that’s Oda’s only weak spot when spending money.

It’s not only books for him though. He buys books for you when he sees something from your favourite author or genre. He buys books for the kids so they learn the joy of literature. Poems, bed time stories he wants them to grow up appreciating the possibilities of the written word.

You can bet that he’ll read them bed time stories. Only one book for all five of them though, so one kid gets to choose a story each day.

He’ll read to you as well if you want him to. His voice is incredibly calm and soothing, he’s a really good reader. There’s a high probability you’ll fall asleep while he reads to you. You can cuddle up in bed and rest your head on his shoulder or sit on his lap and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling the vibration of his voice in his chest.

Whenever he has some time to spare, he’ll retire to your shared bedroom to write. Mind you, that won’t happen often. It happens mainly on weekends, when the kids are with friends and/or you are at home. If you want to do him a favour, consider cooking on the weekends, he’ll be more than thankful for the opportunity to submerge in his beloved writing. But don’t worry, it won’t consume him – he’ll always put some time aside to spent with you, without the kids, as well ¬‿¬.

He's so polite with the neighbours. Will pay all his neighbours a short visit together with the kids to introduce himself and bring little gifts. Just imagine him standing there in the door frame, witih all five kids around his legs, smiling at their new neighbours angelically - what's not to love?

He really wants to maintain a good relationship to all of them. Basically, he’s the perfect neighbour – always polite, always up to a little chat, always ready to listen to neighbour A complain over neighbour B without snitching. He’s mainly concerned for the wellbeing the kids though. He wants them to feel part of the community and often arranges play dates with the neighbour kids. If it's possible at the neighbour’s house because five kids are a lot to handle already…and when they are all out of the apartment, it’s cleaning time.

Oda is an angel of patience and the ultimate multitasker. He isn’t left with much of a choice with five kids, but thankfully, calm lies in his nature. You may see him explaining Sakura her math homework while cutting vegetables for today’s lunch. Then, he’ll take a quick glance out of the window to see if they boys are still playing on the street where he can see them and then he’ll check on Sakura again. Isn’t he lovely?

His ability is unexpectedly helpful for all of this. If he’s in the living room to clean, his ability will alarm him if the food’s about to burn. If he’s around the kids, he’ll know in time if one is about to trip. If you come home from work so tired you fall asleep face first in your soup, he’ll be able to catch you. So useful.

He’s a very attentive and loving husband. His love is mainly expressed by keeping the house as clean as he can and putting a lot of effort into cooking. Your work is hard enough, he takes it upon himself to manage everything else. He’ll also try to have the kids well-behaved so they don’t demand too much from you after you come home from work. Though if you decide to pull yourself together and give them attention and love even when tired, he’ll be more than thankful. He knows it’s a lot to ask to be a parent, especially to not one, but FIVE kids that are not yours by blood. So if you actively seek to have a close bond to them, it will make him so incredibly happy because he knows it’s not the natural course of action for everyone.

Will give you head, shoulder and foot massages after an especially excruciating day of work. His hands are skillful and he knows where to touch to make you moan to release the tension from your muscles.

Likes to lie his head in your lap after both of you had a long day of work. Yes, you may be the provider, but keeping a house clean and five kids under control isn’t an easy job either! So, he’ll seek peace laying his head on your thighs and closing his eyes while you tussle his hair and tell him about your day. Don’t expect more than a mumbled “Mm” or “I see” from time to time, but be sure that he’s listening.

And the Port Mafia? You’re in luck - since he was the lowest-ranking member, The Mafia, by which I mean Mori isn’t bothered that he left. He refused to kill anyways, he’s to no use to them him.

Of course, Oda will try to be absolutely sure there is no hidden reason for Mori to hinder his leave beforehand, or to resent him for it. The last thing he wants is to endanger you or the kids by leaving his job as a criminal.

If he ever meets a member of the PM in public, he'll act as if he doesn't know them. He may give them a polite nod if they make eye contact, but that’s about it. It’s not that he resents them, but he really wants to start a new life here that isn’t connected to killing and cruelty at all. If they approach him he'll be very polite, but try to keep the conversation short, even if they seem to have no ulterior motive.

Of course, there’s one member of the Port Mafia that marks the exception, by which I mean to say that you’ll have Osamu Dazai over for tea regularly. No, he won’t announce himself at all. The first time he appears at your apartment, you’re just finishing to unpack. He’ll tand at your doorstep all of a sudden to tell Oda that Mori already knows where he moved to. Oda will just nod as an acknowledgement. He expected as much. And then he’ll give you a questioning look. If you nod, he’ll officially asking his friend to stay for dinner. You’ll be having curry.

From then on, he’ll just drop by whenever. You may come back home from time to time to find dinner ready, the kids in bed and your husband and Dazai drinking. If you join them, you will have some truly joyful evenings spend together. You’re Oda’s chosen one, so Dazai is a bit more inclined to let you get close than he is with others. You may make a new friend in the process.

It doesn’t take a lot of time for the kids to start calling him Uncle Dazai. He’ll actually be Uncle Dazai before they ever call Oda Dad or you Mom/Dad. It will take them mere weeks to call him uncle, but months, maybe years to call the two of you Dad/Mom. It will happen eventually though, and the day it happens, I assure you that you will see Oda spill tears of happiness. He’ll be looking away, wiping his face with one hand and smiling. He never thought he would want this, but now he knows he does.

Back to Dazai! He’s reserved with the kids at first. As we know, he doesn’t feel all to comfortable around “childish behaviour”. But kids are like cats, the feel drawn to the one that’s most cautious. By which I mean to say that they are all over him. Literally. Oda will leave for five minutes and when he’s back at the living room the kids will have tackled a slightly unnerved Dazai on the floor. Sakura wants him to see the drawings she made, Katsumi, Kousuke and Yuu want to play, Shinji wants to ask him what's under his bandages. He’ll have no choice but to oblige and it goes surprisingly well. Oda may abuse him as a baby-sitter when he visits from then on.

Then suddenly, Dazai stops visiting altogether. You are worried, but Oda, for some reason, isn’t. Even more, whenever you ask him about it, you may catch him smiling to himself in a satisfied, proud way. No, Dazai didn’t tell him anything. If Oda would know, it would endanger all of you. But he knows. He knows that Dazai finally made his choice to leave the Port Mafia and needs to lay low now. And that’s okay.

It takes Dazai two years to come back, which will be just as sudden as him leaving. You’ll be astounded to see him a changed man at first sight. Oda will scold him for not sending any notice and then everything is normal again. And after some more years, he’ll start bringing along a scrawny kid with white hair.

A/N: Wow, this is the first post I put a "keep reading" link in because it's so long! That's kind of a milestone for me. ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading!

[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link-Chapter 63

A/N: Thank to @blacktithe7​ for reviewing the last chapter and making me realize I hadn’t posted this one yet. Oops!!! Anyway, this MAY or MAY NOT answer your questions and it MAY or MAY NOT make you all mad, but just know that I have a method to my madness. Bahahahaha!!! As for now, read and enjoy some Padackles. 

Ackles Home

I sit on the edge of the bed, the garment box on my lap, admiring the babydoll lingerie Jensen had apparently purchased. I wonder about when he bought it and how he had gotten it not only into the house but hidden it in our closet. That man continues to amaze me every single day.

The fabric of the nightie is gorgeous; emerald in color with exquisite eyelash lace that is sheer and sexy. Anyone wearing it would definitely feel desirable and wanted. The bralette has strappy details and underwire to support and hold up my boobs- lord knows I need it right now! The bikini briefs are made of the same material with a swatch of cotton lining the crotch.

Along with the teddy is a gossamer chiffon robe of the same green color with delicate ivory lace trim along the opening and capped sleeves.

I anxiously slide the terrycloth robe from my body and pull the negligee on. Walking back into the closet where the full-length mirror is, I stare at myself in the outfit. How the man knew what size to buy was beyond me but the material fit my body perfectly, accentuating each and every curve. I cannot wait for Jay to get back so that I can surprise him!

Glancing at my phone, I am surprised to see that he has already been gone for a couple of hours. ‘God, I hope Dani didn’t give him a hard time when he dropped JJ off,’ I think to myself. I know she wasn’t happy with the fact that I had showed up unannounced to ask if JJ could accompany us on a day out on the lake. If Gen hadn’t been with me, the little girl probably wouldn’t have been allowed to go. Whatever Gen had said to Dani once they went inside had made her change her mind and I will forever be grateful for it. Now I just hope she isn’t taking it out on Jay. It had been my idea, after all. If she wants to bitch and complain to someone it needs to be me.

Brushing those thoughts off, I walk back into the bedroom and grab the fluffy robe I had discarded. Although the lingerie comes with one, it was transparent and I am not about to walk around practically naked. I tie up the robe as I exit the bedroom and head toward the kitchen for some wine and a couple of glasses. My plan is to be on the bed with a glass of wine when Jay gets home; his own glass sitting on the table beside the bed waiting for him.

Padalecki Home

Jared pulls a shirt over his head as he nears the front door. Whoever is on the other side had better have a suitable excuse for interrupting his and Gen’s seldom love-making. Having two small rambunctious and curious kids really puts a damper on regular sexy times.

Turning the knob after unbolting the door, Jared opens it and is surprised to see his co-star, best friend and pseudo-brother standing there. “Jay, what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know, man,” Jensen signs, a fabricated smile painted on his face. “Questioning shit, life.” He chuckles and rubs a hand down his face. “How’d my life get so fucked up?”

Jared just stares at his co-star. He can tell someone had gotten into his head and filled it with a bunch of bullshit and lies and it was going to take a real effort to get him back on track.

“Come on in,” Jared says and steps back to let Jensen in. “Want a drink?”

“Water?”

Jared stops in his tracks. Whatever is bothering him, Jared was sure he needed something stronger than H2O.

Grabbing two bottles of water out of the fridge, Jared hands one to Jensen. “Okay, Jay. What’s up? You never shy away from a drink.”

“Already had a couple at Bob’s,” Jensen tells him, sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen island. “Need to be sober. Too much shit running through my head.”

The sound of footsteps on the stairs causes both men to look toward the entrance to the kitchen. Genevieve appears with a fluffy robe tied around her body and as soon as she sees Jensen, a look of curiosity covers her face.

“Jensen? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home with Drea? It’s-” she pauses to look at the clock. “-after midnight.”

“Should I? Really? Is she who I should be with?” Jensen questions, which lead to both the Padalecki’s looking at him with alarm written all over their faces.

“What are you talking about?” Gen prompts, confused by his behavior.

“Am I supposed to be with Drea or did I fuck fate and screw up my life by leaving Dani? Are me and Drea even supposed to be anything?”

Gen felt puzzled by his words. How could he be saying something as crazy as that? He and Drea were perfect for each other and they loved one another deeply. How could he even think something so ludicrous? 

“Jensen! What on earth are you going on about? Of course you and Drea belong together. You love her and she loves you immensely,” Gen urged. 

Jensen sighs and takes a drink of his water. “Yeah I do but-”

“There are no buts, Jay! Now, you want to explain to me what the hell got you thinking that way?”

Jensen slumps and places his elbows on the counter, holding his head in his hands. He explained everything to his two best friends; from what Dani insinuated about Drea not watching out for JJ to not correcting Bob when he assumed Jay and Dani were still together.  Jared and Gen sit quietly and listen, getting pissed at Dani’s words. Anyone can see that Drea cares for Jensen’s daughter like she was her own. 

When Jensen finishes his tale, he takes the last drink of water and crumples the bottle in his fist. He waits for the couple to give him a piece of their mind and hopefully figure out how to right whatever is wrong.

After hearing what Dani had said to Jensen, Gen was livid! She couldn’t believe the crap Dani had spewed. She understood Dani being upset about the divorce but she brought it on herself. She was the one who cheated and kept cheating even after they were married. She was the one who was unsure who fathered her child. Jensen had done nothing wrong. 

“Jay, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Gen tells her friend. “This is all just Dani being a jealous and resentful bitch! Drea loves JJ. I know she does, Jared knows she does, and if you can just get Dani’s words out of your head, you know she does.”

Walking around the table to approach Jensen, Gen stood right in front of him. “If she didn’t love that little girl as much as she does, would she had risked Dani’s wrath by going to plea for JJ to join us today for a family day? Would she have made sure that JJ was safe and secure with the boys while we were in the boat? Drea loves that little girl like nothing else. To her, JJ is as much hers and she is yours,” Gen declared. “So get your ass out of your head and get home to your woman!”

"I can't, Gen," Jensen sobs. "How can I look her in the eye when I have all these doubts floating around?"

Jared walks up to his best friend and lays a hand on his shoulder. "Jay. Listen, man. Think about it. Just today, we all were witness just how much Drea loves your daughter. Hell, how much she loves kids in general. Not only did she brave Dani's rage to make sure you got to spend time with JJ but she ensured that all the kids were safe and sound the whole time we were on the boat. And when we ate, who made sure each kid was fed and that no one was left out? All while holding her son to her? 

"Drea wouldn't hurt a hair on JJ's head and you know this. So let Dani's accusations and allegations go and face the cold, hard facts. Drea loves you, JJ, and Jackson. Hell, I would trust her to the ends of the Earth with Tom and Shep."

"That's true," Gen speaks up, visibly calmed down from her earlier outburst. She smiles a meek smile at Jensen. "When Jared needed me after his breakdown and my parents were too far away, the first person I thought of, that I was sure would guard and protect my babies was Drea. I knew she would step up and do whatever it took to take care of them while I flew halfway across the country to take care of Jared."

Jensen sits there and ruminates on the words from his two best friends. They’re right. Drea has never displayed any ill will toward JJ, Tom, or Shep. He runs a hand down his face. "You're right," he mumbles.

"Hell yeah, of course we’re right!" Jared exclaims, getting a chuckle from his wife and best friend. Jensen finally takes in the state of disarray his two confidants are in and realizes what he had interrupted. Gen's face is somewhat still flushed and she has her robe tied tightly around her lithe body, a sure sign that she doesn't want to accidentally give a sneak peek to anyone. Jared's tee is on inside out and his hair is messy and tangled.

It reminds him of his earlier discussion with Drea and the promises he had made. Thinking of the green nightie he had hinted to her about, he imagines her at home with it on. His dick embarrassingly twitches in his jeans and he jumps up.

"I have to go," he declares and rushes for the door.  As his hand lands on the knob, he turns to see the Padalecki's standing in the entranceway, arms slung around each other. "Sorry for interrupting. Go back to what you were doing," he winks and smiles. "I'm going home to do the same."

As he practically runs out of their house, he hears Gen's laughter that quickly turns into a moan. Jensen can't wait to get home to Drea and hear that same sound from her.

Ackles Home

I look at the clock beside the bed and sigh. It is after 10 pm and Jay isn’t back yet. I’m becoming worried and a little pissed that he hasn’t let me know where he is and that everything is okay. 

There’s no way that he is still at Dani’s hashing out whatever preposterous idea she has come up with. Since they have split Dani has given Jay a hard way to go when it comes to spending time with their daughter and I know Gen and I showing up earlier to ask for JJ to accompany us on our little family outing probably just gave her more fuel to add to the fire. 

I take a sip of wine and then grab the remote for the sound system that we had installed in our bedroom. A little light music shouldn’t wake the baby and will hopefully sit the mood when Jensen finally does return. I get up and turn the overhead light off, leaving just the illumination from the closet bulb glowing. It gives the room a sexy and sensuous vibe. 

As I lay my head back onto the pillow, I silently pray that Jay will be home soon and that everything is okay. The last thing I remember before closing my eyes is how much I love that man.

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @carryonmywaywardcaptain​  @darlingpeanut​ @sunskittlex​ @sis-tafics​ @sea040561​ @pretty-fortune​ @squirrelnotsam​  @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​  @internationalmusicteacher​ @kricketc28​@natura1phenomenon​ @mannls​  @nickie-amore​ @spn-tw-37​ @frozenhuntress67​ @blacktithe7​ @supernaturallymarvellous​ @thetardishasaquidditchpitch​ @sirod-30​  @heyitscam99​ @smoothdogsgirl​  @i-just-wanna-run-hell​ @paintballkid711​ @closetspngirl​ @starfirerules​ @vickiq9761​  @rainflowermoon​  @spnbaby-67​ @drakelover78​ @jessieray98​ @81mysteriouslyme​ @travelingriversideblues-x​ @akshi8278​ @keymology​ @topthis808​ @lilulo-12​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @thevelvetseries​

[redeadepression]

Untitled John Fic | John Marston x F!Reader | Angst

I couldn’t think of a title so... Get it? Like the Goose game. Lol.

Sooo I misread this ask as specifically asking for fem reader which is how I have written the fic. I apologise if you were wanting GN or M!Reader. But I do state in my rules if you don’t ask for a specific gender I will probably write F!Reader as it’s what I am most confident in as a female.

I would also LOVE to write an Arthur fic along the same vein but need to wait for inspiration to hit. Feel free to send me sad Arthur headcanons you wouldn’t mind me using as a prompt to get the juices flowing.

~~

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts | Tags: ANGST, Hurt/Comfort

Relationships: John Marston x F!Reader, (past) John Marston x Abigail Roberts | NO CHEATING

Word Count: 4608  

Summery: John is struggling with juggling a new relationship and his commitment to Abigail as ex-husband/co-parent to Jack. Reader comforts him when he’s down.

Disclaimer: I fucking LOVE Abigail!!! Don’t @ me about her characterization in this fic! John/Abi is my OTP. I am fully aware they are BOTH at fault for their shitty relationship early game and I try so hard to never write her as purely “the bad guy”. I make sure to always try and give her solid reasoning behind her shitty actions. However, this fic is from John and his new gf’s POV so obviously Abigail is going to be the antagonist.

~~~

It had been a hard few months. Tensions were high in the Gang and as a relatively new member you were finding it hard to hide that fact that you felt uncomfortable and out of place.

Most of your awkward feelings came from the seemingly unanimous contempt that had been placed upon you by a large number of gang members. A strong dislike so thinly veiled that it hung in the air like a bad smell. It felt absolutely suffocating, intolerable at times.

But you couldn’t walk away now. Not after what you had done to cause this cloud of abhorrence that seemed to follow your every move. You’d made a commitment and you planned to stick it out until the heat died down.

If it did die down… You worried more than you cared to admit that you had made a name for yourself. That your time here would always be miserable.

You sat by yourself on a log near the fire. Having risen earlier than usual to try and avoid the bustle of the morning. Gang members arguing over who got the first cup of coffee and whining at the taste of left-over stew for breakfast.

Most people were still asleep. The sun had only just begun to peak its head over the mountains across the distant valley. You were enjoying your moment of silence, a second to yourself to catch your breath after a horrible night of restless sleep.

As if the universe itself was against you, an almighty shriek ripped through the camp, a sudden wind, unrelated to the noise jostled tent flaps and wiped your hair around your face. If you didn’t know better, you would have sworn the breeze was a shockwave from the force of Abigail’s wrath.

You exhaled slowly, turning to look in the direction of the disturbance but still trying to be discreet lest anyone was watching.

Abigail was berating John. Absolutely tearing shreds off him as he stared at her blankly like a startled deer. He had been on his way to the fire, empty coffee cup in hand when she had caught up with him. Her mannerisms telling anyone that was watching that she was finally at the end of her tether.

You pursed your lips, turning back to the fire quickly and trying to pretend you hadn’t heard. Couldn’t still hear, the screaming and cursing.

You couldn’t blame her. It was your fault she was so high strung lately.

You listened as John tried to defend himself meekly. His arguments palling in comparison to her accusations. She had every right to be as upset with him as she was. But you felt perhaps this discussion could have happened in private instead of airing your dirty laundry for the Gang to witness.

It had been a good 6 months now since they had broken up. Amicably at first with the intensions of working things out after a trial separation. John had needed space from her constant nagging and Abigail felt she needed time away from here ‘second child.’

They kept their separation to themselves. But due to the nature of their volatile relationship it wasn’t such a secret. Abigail and Jack moved out of John’s tent and Jack had spent days crying on his bedroll. Heartbroken over his parents splitting up.

This caused frequent quarrels. Abigail arguing that John didn’t care and wasn’t doing anything to try and console the boy that everything would be fine. John arguing right back that there was nothing he could do. Why give him hope for something that may never happen?

The fact that Abigail refused to leave him in peace after their separation just pushed him further away. Even if her arguments were valid and with good intension. John felt caged. Breaking up didn’t make her stop. He couldn’t catch a break. He felt trapped with the only option being to run again.

You bit at your bottom lip, taking a sip of your coffee to seem nonchalant as more and more gang members began to rise from their tents to see what all the commotion is about. A few were looking directly at you. Their eyes squinted and full of loathing. But most were looking at Abigail and John. Watching as she paced in front of him, ranting and raving about his lack of care.

It seemed she’d had a rough night. With Jack falling ill she’s not slept a wink. Between comforting him and cleaning him up after he’s been sick, she was awake the entire night. Resentment at John’s blissfully unaware state growing by the minute as he slept right through a few tents over.

He was arguing that he didn’t know. She should have told him he was sick. Asked for help and he would have been there. Abigail was screaming back that asking him for help has never done her any good in the past so  why should she start now?

John was flailing, you could see it plainly as you chanced another glance around. She was too damn angry to hear anything he had to say. You felt for her. You really did. That was, until she noticed you.

She turned on you with the fury of 3 angry bulls.  She screamed your name, pointing. All eyes were on you as she shouted.

“And you! You don’t help a damn thing you homewrecker!”

Your jaw droped, unable to speak as you blinked in disbelief. She’d not spoken a word to you in months. Of course now was the time she chose to hash it all out.

“Hey!” John interjected, grabbing Abigail by the arm and spinning her back in his direction. “You leave her out of this!” He warned, eyes stern as she reeled around, hand clapping hard against the side of his face and making him falter. He let go of her, staring with wounded eyes as she took a step back. Realising what she’d just done and clearing her throat.

She opened her mouth to apologise. Her own disbelief greater than that of anybody watching. It had been a reflex. Muscle memory from her days as a prostitute. She hadn’t meant to hurt him.

John turned away, standing there for a second longer before walking away in the direction of the horses.

You watched in stunned silence as she let him go. Even the birds seemingly invested in the situation as an awry stillness descended on the whole area. The only sound the crunching of John’s boots as he stomped towards Old Boy.

He mounted up and left. Forgoing a saddle or any other tack. Hands holding tight on to Old Boy’s mane as he dug his heels into the horse’s ribs and directed him away from camp.

It took a few minutes and Abigail retreating to her lean-to to check on Jack before anyone dared to make a move. Gang members slowly exiting their respective tents and going about their business quietly. None of them bold enough to mention what had just happened for fear of Abigail over-hearing.

You stood slowly, knowing people were going to be looking in your direction regardless. They knew where you were going. What your plan was. There was no point in sitting around any longer in an attempt to try and hide it.

You moved towards your horse. Taking your time to saddle up and make sure he/she was ready for the ride before mounting up and spurring them into a trot along the path out of camp.

 ~~~~

You didn’t have to ride long. Knowing in your heart where John would be you had ridden towards that area, following along the fresh hoof-prints in the loose red dirt.

You turned off the beaten path, your horse whinnying in annoyance at having to walk through the brush. You petted them on the neck, promising a treat for following your direction. You know they couldn’t understand you but smiled non-the-less as they seemed to calm at the idea.

You could have left them hitched to a tree near the main road. But you ran the risk of another gang member noticing them and walking through the forest to find you.

You spotted John and Old Boy up ahead. The large Hungarian Half-bred munching happily on some greenery about 10 metres from the edge of a large cliff overlooking the valley below. John was sitting near the edge. Face in his hands as he contemplated his life thus far, oblivious to your approach.

You hitched Y/HN next to Old Boy and called out softly to alert John to your presence. He jumped slightly. Looking over his shoulder briefly before wiping at his face and letting his hands fall to his lap.

You sat down beside him, placing a familiar hand on his upper back and rubbing small, comforting circles as he glared at the ground in front of him. A large, angry mark flaring up on his cheek where Abigail had hit him.

It had been about 4 months since you’d officially started dating. Four months of absolute hell if you were being honest. But when you were alone like this, in your special spot away from camp, it was absolute bliss.

This specific situation wasn’t ideal. But you had been yearning for some alone time away from prying eyes.

Eyes that seemed to never stop watching. It was taking its toll on you. Making you regret things you shouldn’t be regretting. Questioning things, you didn’t want to be questioning.

Like was he worth it?

John seemed to follow your train of thought. Side-eying you silently as he rubbed at his cheek.

“You can go.” He said weakly. “If you want.” A long exhale following his words as he licked his lips and fell silent once more.

“I just got here.” You laughed, hand falling from its place on his back. You placed it on his thigh, squeezing reassuringly and watching as his jaw tensed. Seemingly gritting his teeth.

“No... I know.” He said softly, struggling to find the words. “I mean… You can leave. If you want to.” He paused, finally turning to look at you and realising his point had not been made. “The Gang.” He clarified. Making your brows shoot upwards in surprise.

He turned back to his hands in his lap and closed his eyes for a moment. You suspected he was waiting for your confirmation on the subject but it didn’t come.

You had been enjoying your time in the Gang up until recently. Having worked hard every day for a week to pull a con on two men you’d met in the saloon nearby. It turned out those men were actually trying to con you as well. When the truth was realised you had all had a good laugh. Dutch and Arthur inviting you to join them for a drink and upon realising you currently didn’t have a stable home, the Gang.

Everything was fantastic for a few months. You felt at home almost instantly. You made new friends, new family. You were welcomed with open arms and you had never felt so secure in your lifetime.

When you’d met John, the chemistry had been instantaneous on your part. Finding him attractive, friendly and useful to boot. You had caught him staring more than once and were relatively sure he returned your feelings. But something was off about the way he acted towards you. He had been skittish. Dancing around your attraction to him and outright avoiding any chance you’d had to be alone. It wasn’t until you’d cornered him after a night of drinking that he finally admitted he did feel something for you as well.

He was very guilty about his admission. Explaining that he was supposed to be trying to work on things with Abigail. He was struggling hard with the feeling that he knew deep down their relationship was a dead-end. Every time they were supposed to try and talk it out it ended in a fight. Abigail becoming increasingly impatient that he wasn’t ready to recommit himself to her.

He had word-vomited his darkest thoughts to you that night. Slurring about how he wanted to run away again and saw no way out. His attraction to you was the straw that broke the camels back. The last nail in the coffin of his resolve to fix things with his wife. He hadn’t meant for it to happen. But that didn’t mean he could ignore it.

He wanted to tell Abigail it was over for good. He wasn’t interested in fixing things and he felt they parented better separately anyway. She was always going on about Jack. What about Jack? How will this affect Jack? He was scared to tell her it wouldn’t. To seem callous towards his son and his feelings. He felt he was a better Father without her hanging over his shoulder.

Somewhere in the middle of his rant he had begun to cry. Head heavy with the drink, he hadn’t been able to stop his usual stoic core from breaking. Mortified by the turn of events he’d tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t just spent half an hour rambling his sorrows to a relative stranger.

He shut himself down. Locking away his feelings and refusing to acknowledge them even after you’d both bitten the bullet and started to date a few weeks later.

He’d had to tell Abigail first. Before he could in good conscience being seeing you in earnest. He had been too afraid before your drunken talk. Terrified of ending things and risking everything he had for the sake of your rejection. But after the conformation he had been looking for, he’d found a renewed sense of courage. Letting Abigail know he was done with their romantic relationship but that didn’t mean he was walking away from Jack.

To say she hadn’t taken it well was an understatement. You had learnt swear words that day that you hadn’t previously known the existence of. She had been absolutely furious at your betrayal. Having gotten along fine before that. She’d never expected that you would pounce on her husband.

You’d both argued that had they been an item you would never had made your feelings known. But as John was for all intents and purposes, single, you felt it was alright to proposition him.

You understood where she was coming from. She had been blindsided by your interest in him. Having had it set in her mind that they would work things out and become that happy family she had always dreamed she’d have.

For the most part, the gang agreed with your argument. Tiptoeing around Abigail and letting you know that you didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t until rumour started to spread about the night you confessed your feelings that things started to take a turn. It spread like wildfire and although you were both pretty confident of its origin, you couldn’t prove it anymore than you could prove you hadn’t slept together that night.

The general consensus of ‘You’ve done no wrong’ quickly changed to ‘How could you do that?’ after rumour spread that you had slept together before John had officially ended things with Abigail.

Looking back, you feared you had worsened the situation by buying into it. Telling people that even if it were true, they were still separated; had led people to believe it was true. You regretted it, more for John’s sake than your own. You thought of these people as your family. But these people were his family and had been for over half his life. The damage done by the entire situation was breaking him. You could see it in the way he looked at you. Hear it in the way he spoke.

You hated to admit it. But this morning part of you was worried you would find Old Boy hitched on the edge of the cliff and John’s mangled body at the bottom.

You looked at him now, your own teeth clenched as you tried to find the words to let him know you weren’t going anywhere. That he hadn’t risked all for nothing. You would stay and you would listen. You would wear the criticism and backhanded comments with an air of pride as long as you were making him happy.

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” You whispered, shuffling closer so your sides were touching.

John jumped at the initial contact, head snapping back to look at where you’d bumped against him before he seemed to relax, turning his gaze back to the ground.

“I understand if you want to, deep down.” He mumbled, not really moving his lips as he spoke. “You wouldn’t be the only one.”

You winced at that, hand on his thigh squeezing once more as you leaned in to kiss the mark on his cheek. He jolted away out of reflex before settling himself down and letting his forehead rest on your own cheek.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re feelin’?” You asked quietly, hand coming up to run through his long hair and massage his scalp. He moaned against you softly, shuddering at the feeling.

“Not feelin’ anything.” He said against your shoulder, eyes staring blankly at the stitching on your collar.

Your lips tightened, eyes flicking towards him as you removed your hand from his head and waited. It took a few seconds before he realised you were done. Sitting back to look at you sadly as you raised your brows in question.

“What?” He asked, looking away. You could tell he wanted you to drop it. To just pretend it hadn’t happened and move on like you’d done that first night.

“What was all that about?” You asked, gesturing back in the direction of camp, his eyes rolling at your question.

“Just drop it will ya?” He asked, annoyance in his tone as he stared out over the valley. The sun now having fully risen above the mountain was tingling their skin with warmth as it worked to rise enough to shade them under the trees above.

You stayed silent, feeling the mood shift. His demeanour hadn’t changed but something was different. You didn’t want to push him too hard, lest he fling himself over the cliff in front of your eyes.

“It’s just…” He started, crossing his arms and huffing indignantly. “It’s… dumb.” He said weakly, trailing off from his train of thought.

You watched on sadly. Brows furrowed as he sniffed audibly. Shoulders shuddering momentarily before he managed to compose himself enough to stop them.

His eyes were squinting in the morning sun. Face scrunched into a scowl as he blinked back his emotions.

He obviously wanted to talk. Not sure how to go about it or if he would be judged for what he was going to say. Perhaps he stopped himself because he felt you would be offended by his statement.

“I’m sure it’s not.” You probed. Deciding that if he truly wanted you to drop it, he wouldn’t have spoken.

“I’m just…” He paused, questioning if he really had the emotional stability he would need to talk about his feelings without breaking down. He swallowed, taking a calming breath before continuing. “I’m really trying.” He said simply, voice cracking on the last word as his face crumpled and he brought his hands up to cover it.

You made a sound of acknowledgement, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and squeezing his opposite arm tightly.

He let you, too busy in his own mind to push you away. He admonished himself harshly for thinking he could vent a little bit without opening the gates entirely. It had been such a long time since he’d cried, properly cried and not just let a few tears slip when he was heavy on the drink. He’d been holding in years of unpleasant feelings and lately he’d been struggling. Feeling particularly vulnerable at inopportune times and taking playful jabs way too seriously.

He choked on his words of apology. Mumbling nonsense into his palms as he finally began to let it all out.

“I… I been tryin’ so…” He paused, stumbling over his wording. “So… hard.” He stuttered, shaking uncontrollably under the weight of his own words.

You shushed him lightly, hand squeezing soothingly as you gently pulled him towards you. He let himself fall, head resting on your chest as he huffed quietly, his breathing uneven.

Once he was resting his weight against you, you moved your hand to his back. Running the pads of your fingers lightly up and down his spine and encouraging him to breath in the same slow pattern. He obliged, slowly but surely calming as his breathing began to return to normal. His leaking eyes burning as he struggled to stop the flow of tears he regretted letting go of.

“I don’t… I don…” He stammered, cutting himself off. He already felt so damn weak. Nerves grating on the feeling of helplessness.

You shook your head, other hand coming up to run through his hair once more and then down against his unmarred cheek. You pressed lightly, encouraging him to look at you. He reluctantly did so, red rimmed eyes sheepishly averting as he caught your look of sympathy.

You could tell he was on the verge of shutting down. Composing himself and bottling it all back up until the next time, whenever that may be. All of the thoughts and feelings would come back twice as hard. Knocking against him when he least expects it and finally pushing him off the precipice he had so delicately been balancing on since long before you met him.

Since Jack was born.

“It’s okay.” You cooed, holding him tighter in an effort to make him feel safe. “You can tell me anythin’, you know that.” You whispered gently, the feeling of him slowly coming undone almost physical as his dam-wall broke apart in your arms.

He stuttered uncontrollably, breath hitching almost constantly as he tried his hardest to tell you how he was feeling. Words broken and slurred as he let you in on his darkest thoughts. His deepest fears.

“I been tryin’ so… so hard with Jack.” He cried against your breast. Pressing himself closer to you as if he could hide from your judgement. “She… she told me… I…” He stammered, cutting himself off as deep, wracking sobs overtook his ability to speak.

You shushed him lightly. Making sure to let him know it wasn’t his words you were trying to stop. You wanted to hear it all. Wanted him to let it out and get it in the open so you could calm his tears and all his insecurities.

He was mortified, you could tell by the way he kept trying to hide his face. Wiping at it irately as if being annoyed with his tears would stop them.

You supposed you would be embarrassed too if the situations were reversed. Your relationship was relatively new, even if it had already felt like a lifetime. He was scared of your judgement. Afraid you were going to leave once you’d seen what a wimp he really was.

You reassured him once more that you weren’t leaving. Making it clear you were staying put without his prompting. Hoping it felt more genuine that way.

He seemed to calm down a little after you spoke. Sobs turning to uneven breaths as you resumed running your hand up and down his back at a slow pace.

He followed your movements, long soothing breaths making him weary after his emotional collapse.

“She told me… I weren’t tryin’ hard enough with Jack.” He said finally, nearly getting through the entire sentence without a hitch. His arms wrapped around your waist loosened, falling slack as he took a deep breath and pushed himself to sit up.

You took in his dishevelled appearance, feeling a pang to your heart at the sight of him. Your hand came up automatically to brush his hair behind his ear as he turned to look at you with the saddest eyes you’d ever seen.

“She said I ruined his life breakin’ up his parents. Said he’d never be happy again.” He elaborated, barely above a whisper. You smiled sympathetically, hands cupping his cheeks as you leaned into brush your lips against his. He let you, not closing his eyes as you kissed him. Wanting to see as well as feel you.

“You know that ain’t true.” You said against his lips, thumbs swiping under his eyes to wipe away some of the wetness. He paused, nodding hesitantly as if he didn’t really believe it but felt he had to agree for your sake.

“She hurt my feelings.” He admitted quietly. Voice so small you weren’t sure you had actually heard it. He looked away, pulling his face from your grip and you knew then that he had said what you thought. “I been tryin’ so hard.” He repeated for the third time. Driving home how much she had hurt him with her words and making your heart ache. You felt for him. You knew too well the pain of truly trying your hardest only to be shot down and slapped with a punishment for not putting in any effort.

“I know. I’ve seen you.” You stated as a conformation, smiling fondly to yourself at the memory him playing swords with Jack earlier in the week.

“I don’t know how to fix it.” He said simply, hands ringing together unconsciously as he worried his lip between his teeth. You frowned, taking his hands in yours and turning to face him fully.

“You don’t need to.” You stated firmly. “Jack is happy. Ain’t you heard the phrase don’t fix what’s not broke?”

John’s lips twitched at your wording. It was one of the things he loved about you. Your subtle wording that changed a common phrase ever so slightly to your own version.

“I meant… with Abigail.” He shifted uncomfortably at the admission. Your hands letting go of his as you looked at him in surprise. He grabbed at your hands frantically. Scrambling to correct himself and clarify. “Not… romantically.” He pressed. “Just… in general.”

You breathed a small sigh of relief. Closing your eyes for a second before focusing on his statement.

“You don’t have to hon.” You said softly. “You’ve been tryin’. I’ve seen you. It’s up to her to make things civil.”

John furrowed his brows. That didn’t seem quite right. He was sure it was his responsibility. She had made that clear from the start.

“I ended it. I hurt her.” He said blatantly, his tone questioning. “I have to make things right.”

You sighed, squeezing his hands tightly as you replied.

“There will be no right as long as you’re with me.”

John looked at you for a long moment. Eyes flicking between yours as he waited for more.

You watched as the realisation hit him. His red rimmed eyes beginning to water as he tensed his jaw once more. He stared at you, hurt plain as day across his face as he assessed your meaning.

“Can you live with that?” He asked, voice thick with emotion.

You took a moment to reflect. Really think about what you were going to say before you responded. To make sure you really meant it.

“Yes.” You smiled. “You’re worth it.” You said, taking his face in your hands once more and pressing your forehead against his.

You felt his cheeks rise. Teeth bumping against your lips as he attempted to kiss you through his smile.

“So are you.” He whispered.

 End

~~~

PLEASE let me know if you liked it/What you liked! I am dying for comments on my fics and it’s to the point where I’m not above begging for feedback. 

[btsqualityy]

Comfort Inn Ending (III)

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: None to note.

Your pregnancy was surprisingly easy. Maybe you thought it was going to be horrible because of everything that happened leading up to it, you’re not entirely sure but regardless, it was a relatively smooth ride.

Yoongi kept his promise, somehow managing to make it to every doctor’s appointment and birthing class. He was also an amazing support system, being there when you’d cry over the smallest things because of your overactive hormones or even when you just had a late craving. You liked to tell yourself that he was only doing all of this because he knew that he was still on thin ice with you, but you knew that he’d be this amazing even if everything else hadn’t happened.

As for the relationship between the two of you, that was still a touchy subject. Yoongi had apologized profusely, multiple times too, and despite how much you wanted to, you just couldn’t let him all the way back in. You were resentful of him, and you also didn’t want to make any major decisions while your hormones were all over the place because of your pregnancy.

So, your pregnancy continued to fly by; your due date coming and going before you even realized what was happening.

“We should take a walk around the block,” Yoongi suggested as he stood in front of you. You looked up from your small tub of ice cream and raised your brow at him.

“I’m two days overdue, or in other words two extra days pregnant, and you want me to get up and do unnecessary movement?” You chuckled sarcastically. “Laughable.”

“The movement can help jump start labor,” he pointed out as he rolled his eyes.

“He or she is clearly comfortable in there,” you laughed as you looked down at your full baby bump. “I don’t think a walk is gonna suddenly change that.” Knowing that there was going to be no convincing you, Yoongi huffed as he flopped down on the couch next to you. You continued to eat your ice cream and a silence fell over the two of you as you watched Netflix together.

“Don’t you think we should talk this out?” Yoongi wondered, half through the second episode that the two of you had watched together. 

“Yoongi, I already said that I don’t want to go walking,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m not talking about walking,” he chuckled. “I’m talking about us.” You paused, taking a second to look over at him.

“Yoongi, there’s nothing to talk about,” you shrugged.

“Y/N, you avoiding me every time I try and talk out what happened isn’t something to look at as ‘nothing’,” he replied.

“What do you want to talk about Yoongi?” You asked as you turned your body so that you facing him. “You want me to tell you about how every time that I see you, I’m conflicted between wanting to cut your dick off and just wanting you to hold me?”

“Yes! Tell me everything that’s been on your mind these last seven months so that we can figure out where we stand.”

“Why do we have to figure anything out? Why can’t we just agree to be good co-parents?” You asked.

“Because we aren’t going to be able to co-parent effectively if you can’t even talk to me,” he explained. “And based on what you just said about your conflicting feelings, us just co-parenting isn’t the end goal that you have in mind.”

“Look, in a perfect world, I would love for us to raise this baby together and be together,” you admitted. “But that’ll take a lot of work.”

“Exactly, and we can start by having a conversation,” he concurred. You shifted in your spot, feeling a strong wave on pain wrap around your belly to your back.

“Alright, fine,” you nodded as you ignored the feeling in your abdomen, and Yoongi smiled at your agreement. “First question, why did you cheat on me and how long had it been going on before I found out?”

“Jesus Christ Y/N,” he muttered at how blunt you were.

“If we’re going to do this, I need to know.”

“Fair enough,” he agreed. “I met her at a club that me and the boys went out to one night. It was during recording sessions for our last album so I was really stressed,” he explained and you nodded as you recalled how tense he had been during that particular time. “I got insanely drunk that night and we danced together and then one thing lead to another,” he trailed off and you sunk back into the couch as you processed what he just told you.

“Why’d you keep seeing her?” You questioned.

“It was something different,” he shrugged. “She provided a break in the monotony that was my life at the time. Hell, all I was doing at the time was sleeping, eating, going to the studio and then coming home to you. She was something...exciting, I guess.”

“So, I wasn’t enough for you then?” You summarized but he shook his head.

“It’s not that. It’s just...we’ve been together since we were 16 years old. You were my first real girlfriend and you’ve been the only one since then. After 10 years, we know each other like the back of our hands but the downside to that is that shit gets too repetitive after a while. I guess I wanted to see what else was out there,” he explained.

“Ok, so why not just break up with me? Why go and cheat?” You wondered.

“Y/N-ah, it’s not like I didn’t want to be with you; I did. I was curious though,” he added lamely.” You were about to reply when you felt an even stronger wave of pain than the one you did before, making you groan loudly. “You ok?” Yoongi asked.

“Uh, yeah. Probably just Braxton Hicks contractions,” you grumbled as you laid your head back against the couch. “If you needed a break or something new, why didn’t you just come to me? I always would try to get you to take breaks while you were working to try and get you to let loose and you’d just push me away. It’s pretty shitty to know now that you pushed me away just to go to her.”

“Y/N, it got to a point where it was more than just sex,” he confessed and your head whipped to the side to look at him.

“You fell in love with her?”

“She fell in love with me,” he clarified. “I wasn’t in love with her, the way that I am with you, but I did care for her.”

“I can’t believe you,” you muttered, another wave of pain rolling throughout your lower half, making you groan loudly. 

“Y/N, these don’t sound like Braxton Hicks contractions. I think we should head to the hospital,” Yoongi advised. Knowing that he was right, you nodded solemnly as you looked up at him.

....................

“Well, you’re already dilated to six Ms. L/N,” your doctor announced once he was done checking you. Your eyes widened and you looked over at Yoongi in disbelief.

“So, now what?” Yoongi wondered.

“It’s a waiting game at this point. Your little one should be born within the next few hours,” your doctor smiled before walking out of the room. 

“Can you believe it Y/N-ah?” Yoongi grinned as he looked over you.

“What I can’t believe is that not only did you fuck someone else, you fucking fell in love with her,” you snapped.

“I told you, I didn’t fall in love with her!”

“You might as well had,” you shot back. “I think I’d almost feel better if it was only sex.”

“And that’s understandable,” Yoongi nodded. “But you have to realize, even with me caring about her, it was nothing compared to what me and you have or, had, I don’t know. We’ve spent ten years together Y/N.”

“Exactly, ten years Yoongi! Have you managed to forget everything that we’ve been through in the past ten years?” You questioned. “I gave up my relationship with my parents for you, I gave up my education and worked dead end jobs to help you make your dream come true,” you ranted.

“Y/N, calm down. You’re gonna upset yourself and the baby,” Yoongi tried to say.

“I don’t care!” You yelled as you felt tears welling up in your eyes. “I really don’t know what hurts more: you cheating or you cheating when you know I had no one else in my life besides you and Chrissy.”

“Baby,” he murmurs as he goes to wrap his arms around you but you push him away. “Y/N, let me hold you.”

“You’re a dick,” you spit, and Yoongi nods.

“I know.”

“And I hate you.”

“Do you hate me or do you hate what I did?” He countered. Your eyebrows crinkled as you contemplated what he said to you. Did you really hate him? 

“Oh god,” you groaned as another contraction wrapped around your baby bump. This was going to be a long night.

...................

“You’re not a dick,” you sniffled as Yoongi massaged your lower back to try and help lessen the pain of your contractions. “I didn’t mean it when I said that.”

“No, you were right when you said that I was,” Yoongi shrugged. 

“I’m just angry, and resentful,” you admitted, sighing in relief as your contraction passed.

“And you’re not wrong to feel like that whatsoever,” Yoongi assured.

“I’d never do that to you, you know?” You said and Yoongi nodded immediately. “I think that’s another reason why it hurts so much.”

“Is this the exhaustion talking?” He wondered. “You’ve gotten more and more honest with your feelings as your labor’s gone on.”

“I think so, yeah,” you shrugged. “Maybe I’m just tired of bullshitting though, who knows?”

“So where does this leave us then?” He asked and you winced as another contraction started. Yoongi immediately began to massage the small of your back again and you whimpered as you felt your baby start to move further down into your pelvis.

“I still love you, you know that. I just don’t know if I can trust you,” you said through grit teeth as you attempted to keep your breathing normal. “Go get the doctor, I need to push,” you announced and Yoongi nodded before running out of the room.

..................

“Big push for me Y/N,” your doctor said and you groaned as you pushed down into your bottom. You let out a yell as you felt your baby moving out of you.

“I can’t do this,” you sighed heavily as you laid back against the bed, your chest heaving as you tried to get your breathing back to normal. 

“Baby, yes you can,” Yoongi encouraged.

“No, you don’t get it,” you sniffled as you looked over at him. “I cannot do this.”

“Y/N, listen to me,” he said as he laid his hand on your forehead, pushing back the stray hairs that had stuck to your sweaty forehead. “You are strong, the strongest person I’ve ever met in my life. There’s no one else who I would want to be here with, only you. You got this, yeah?” He praised and you nodded as tears began to slide down your cheeks. 

Yoongi chuckled and wiped them away for you before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I love you,” he cooed. Before you could say anything back, you felt another contraction so you bared down, pushing all of the strength that you had left and screamed as you felt your baby’s head and shoulders slide out of you.

“And here’s your baby,” your doctor announced and you burst into tears as the relief of not having to push anymore washed over you.

“Yoongi,” you muttered and he looked down at you with tears in his eyes. “I love you too and,” you paused to try and get your breathing back under control. “I forgive you.” The grin that appeared on his face was one unlike you had ever seen on him and he leaned down, kissing you passionately for the first time in over seven months.

“It’s a boy!”

[calyssmarviss]

Supernatural 14x02 - Gods and Monsters

(You mean like that Lana del Rey song that I put on my destiel playlist after watching the Purgatory Arc?)

"In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel. Living in the garden of evil, Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed. Shining like a fiery beacon..."

THEN:

I struggled for hours to fall asleep now I can’t get out of bed… Wait isn’t there a Supernatural episode to watch????????????? We Friday, right? Urgh that show really gonna make me go downstairs to make coffee and come back upstairs and power up my laptop and download the episode and sit at my desk and actually focus isn’t it? I hate Supernatural. *a full minute of contemplating death by giving up later* Ok man let’s do this. *gets up and puts on plaid shirt over my otherwise scantily clad figure* (sorry i just love the words "scantily" and "clad" and i only ever get to use them together) COOOOFFEEEEEEE

NOW:

OH IS THIS GONNA BE A DEAN POV THING???? BECAUSE THOSE LOOK LIKE THE LAST THING HE SAW AND DID BEFORE MICHAEL TOOK OVER (i mean in the recap)

Children, I think it's torture time. Lol he put down the cap. Don't wanna stain it, right? Well I for one am delighted by this decision. You're doing good so far today Dinkle. Oh yeah it's definitively torture time. Look at those poor chained saps.

Uhm, yes.

Ahah I thought for a wild sec that he was going to spit in that blood, I don't know why.

What kind of soup are you making Dinkle?

DUDE ARE YOU TRYIN TO MAKE ANGELS

TITLE CARD

Mhm. Lil’ wings.

Bobby: "Who goes to Duluth in October?"

Me, who has watched Fargo and hence looked up the towns in the area: "Oh, nice continuity! Remember how he said that he wouldn't live as far north as Sioux Fall?????" 

D'you think Cas is agreeing like "yeah you're right my bros and sis are fucking liars" or more like "yeah beware me I'll lie to you so I can go on solo suicide missions in order to prove my worth to Humanity".

Somehow I paused at the perfect moment where you can see that Cas thinks it's total bullshit and will come anyway because that's his husband we're talking about he ain't just gonna stay there Sam.

Framing.

*snickers at the pistol cocks caption* I should stop hanging with barely-out-of-their-teenage-years boys.

Anyway who wrote this episode I should check it out. Man there are a lot of producers and co-producers on this... And i managed to miss the writer's name 2 times in a row. Let's go ask the wikia. Ew, gross. A Bucklemming. Eh at least RSJr directed it. OH WAIT A SEC BUCKLEMMING WROTE HELL'S ANGEL! I'll will forgive (almost) everything if they do us a reverse.

Blah blah blah Nick Drama.

No, he can't look at you because, having this dickface? It's on you bud. I mean Cas can look at Sam alright, and I'm pretty sure he didn't mind looking at himself in the mirror more than he did before getting his ass possessed by Lucifer. Nah, Nick, it's just you and your Mark Pellegrino face.

Oh, okay, the writer and director's name are just arriving now.

NO THAT'S WHAT HE TELLS HIMSELF SO HE CAN LIVE WITH SAYING YES AND LET LUCIFER OUT OF THE CAGE OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO CAS RN

Seriously what's the fucking point of the Nick Drama? Because I know Bucklemming they're not doing this for Cas. They're maybe doing it a little bit for Dean (who is the one being possessed by an archangel rn)... But they’re probably mainly doing it for Nick himself and: WHO CARES.

Wait what? He doesn't remember what happened to his family? Does he think that Lucifer killed them? 

God this is pissing me off.

Mortician: "We don't usually see this kind of action in Duluth."

YOU LIAR I'VE SEEN FARGO I KNOW ALL ABOUT THE CORPSES THAt LittEr thiS AREA

"Five star smitting."

*cries over the stars Cas lost* he’s, like, a two stars right now *sobs*

Jack: "I'm researching how long it takes archangel grace to replenish."

Oh you sweet summer child. You ain't gonna find anything about that in *books*.

Jack: "The books say it can take from a month to..." Cas: "A century."

THIS IS BULLSHIT. THERE'S NO WAY HE FOUND THAT INFO AND THAT IT'S CORRECT. I mean first who the fuck met an archangel with low grace levels before the Winchesters? NO ONE THAT'S WHO BECAUSE THOSE GUYS WEREN'T BUDDIES WITH HUMANS BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE OMG I HATE ALL OF THIS.

Except Cas and Jack. They're good boys. Not their fault their dialogue is shit.

Jack: "You don't understand what I'm going through."

Well that's fucking rude buddy. You at least have a home while you're going through it.

Jack: "What did you have left?"

"That one time Dean came to see me and we spent the night together and Jack, there was only one bed..."

Cas: "I had Sam and Dean."

BULLSHIT Sam was Gadreel half of the time and Dean was like "fuck off" and "fuck me" all at the same time .

Cas: "As Dean would say..." 

Kill me now.

I hate how I knew it was Jensen just by seeing his hands.

I also really resent his hotness right now. It feels like, you know, a weapon in the wrong hands? When he's playing Dean, I know he won't harm me (through the screen lol), but this asshole? I wanna stay away.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

This is like, next level meta here. I'M FEELING ATTACKED.

URGH CAN WE DROP NICK ALREADY.

I.

DON'T.

CARE.

Oh great now Cas is touching his shoulder.

Wait I know the actress that plays Lydia... OH. YES. It's Abigail Ashe from Black Sails!

Ooooh girl, those are some really ugly teeth.

You're right Nick, nobody cares.

People @ Cas: "You don't understand."

Bitch he probably does better than you.

Nick: "You're just a stone cold body snatcher."

I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS.

Nick: "You're no different than Lucifer."

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

Because, yeah, it's a bit true but: 1) Cas actually regrets it 2) YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO HAVE MARK PELLEGRINO SAY THOSE LINES TO HIS FACE

Michael, channeling the Dean: "There's a purity in that."

MAN, LANA DEL REY

OH NO NOUGAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THE TRUTH. SEE IT'S SAD AND TERRIBLE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW SHE'S DEAD.

Hey... do they think their daughter is working for Trump now? Wait more important: did Jack learned to drive? Where are the Klines living? Didn't Cas notice he was gone? Did Nick talked to him all day about his Nick Drama so that Cas didn't even notice his son was gone for hours???

WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO CAS TODAY JACK. YOU CAN'T JUST GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM YOU WANNA KILL HIS HUSBAND (tho I guess that now that Nick is a thing *eyeroll* they'll end up killing Michael without killing Dean but somehow i doubt that it's what Jack is suggesting).

Jack: "Dean doesn't matter."

WELL FUCK YOU VERY MUCH JACK WINCHESTER-KLINE AS OF RIGHT NOW YOU'RE ON MY SHIT LIST YOU BETTER MAKe IT UP TO ME, CAS AND DEAN ASAP OR ELSE

HOW DID NICK WENT FROM KANSAS TO DELAWARE SO QUICKLY??? It's half the states' width! (I mean, assuming this guy lives in the same area Nick is from and this is the evening of the day all the Nick Drama happened - and we have no reason to think it isn't)

Oh yeah they're in Delaware.

I didn't really payed attention to the fight sequence because I was painting my nails purple (to go with the plaid shirt) but MAN GIVIN WEREWOLVES SILVER IMMUNITY IS CHEATING.

Is it me or Sam was pretty silent this whole episode? Bucklemming gave all his lines to Nick.

Uh, what.

What are you playing at Dinkle.

HOLY OIL RING HIM!!!

Oh, look at that, Nick killed Arty. What a surprise.

Aaaand, it's over. I'm disappointed. Cas didn't go after Dinkle :( YOU HAD ONE JOB BUCKLEMMING

[ah17hh]

how to NOT do poly via /r/polyamory

how to NOT do poly

This is very long. My dysfunctional entrance into polyamory was a huge learning experience for me.

Summer of 2017, my marriage was crumbling. I was in denial about it, way too optimistic, and took full responsibility for my marriage alone. At the same time, one by one, my close girlfriends were all ravenously hitting on me. My underwear was soaked and busting at the seams but I went home to a dead bedroom. My therapist simply asked me when I was going to finally come out of the closet. I didn't realize I was in a closet, but when he asked me, something just clicked.

I wanted to take my newly out-of-the-closet self for a guilt free ride on the pussy highway. With my husband's consent to fuck around, I set up a Tinder account and swiped my tits off. A much younger lesbian was one of my many matches. We chatted, texted, made plans that I canceled a few times. She texted me pictures of her family, personal things. I just wanted sex so I didn't share anything personal back. She told me she just wanted sex too, but still sent me very personal things. After a few weeks, she downright demanded to meet me. I caved. She was really pretty and persistent is an understatement. My other matches would stop trying after a while, but she would not give up. I was scared to meet people. I was scared of rejection. I wasn’t happy with my weight at the time, and she was much younger, thin, and very out.

“Meet me Saturday night. My sister and my best friend will be out with me too.” It was my last chance, she told me later this was the last time she was going to push me to come out and see her. I walked up to the sidewalk and there she was talking to my friend, smoking a cigarette and decked out in young woman accessories, something I never quite understood how to accomplish. “Oh you smoke?” “Not anymore,” she thought. She put out her cigarette. We went into the bar. “Am I fatter in person?” I genuinely wanted to know.

The bar was getting packed. Someone tried to squeeze by my fat ass, so she pulled me toward her, her arm around the small of my back. Gay sparks flew off the charts. We danced until we couldn’t breathe and were covered with sweat. Shoes flew everywhere. I’m not exaggerating. We all had the fucking time of our lives together and it felt like I had found one of us out there when I thought my Squad Goals had already been fulfilled. “Come home with me.” She did. She ate me out on my couch and I came when her tongue and mouth weren’t even touching me. I came that easily and that hard on top of all the whiskey. She faked it, but years of vibrators had killed her clit. In my drunken haze and post-orgasm exhaustion, at 4:00 in the morning, I said, "Stay and spoon with me.” She did. I’d never cuddled with a woman before. It felt like magic. I’m not talking about the kind of magic that you see walking down a tourist area and a fat wrinkled magician wants to show you how to make a card appear in your pocket. I’m talking about the kind of magic people invented religion to explain. I’m talking about the kind of magic that Kelly Clarkson co-writes songs about. I’m talking about the kind of magic only two pussies can create together. It’s super gay and I see now why it’s illegal in some places. Just too fucking good.

My husband woke up two hours after we had fallen asleep to find us spooning on the couch. He stormed out incredibly angry. I was panicking. She was lingering in my apartment, just lounging in her underwear completely oblivious, and way too comfortable. I craved touch so much, I couldn't resist her, I never cleared it with my husband about anyone spending the night. While still in her underwear, trying desperately to look enticing and sexy, she told me her credit score was 750. I was extremely worried about my husband and very uncomfortable at how comfortable she was. My body had alarms going off everywhere but I just calmly dealt with her and told her I had to go about my day. I didn’t know why she was telling me her credit score. I don’t care about anyone’s credit score, except my own after it started out in a dumpster fire during my first marriage to a complete maniac. I told her I had to get on with my day. She left without showering to go to the pride parade with another partnered woman, and I went about my day.

Now I see how vulnerable I was and what a chameleon she was. She was changing herself on the first date to fit in with my family, she quit smoking, she presented herself as this put together sexpot. My marriage was on thin ice and my relationship with myself was lackluster to say the least. I was the perfect target for a narcissist.

She love-bombed me, my sister, and my best friend with accurate precision. She learned my weaknesses almost instantly and told me everything I had been wanting to hear my whole life - that I am attractive, talented, special. She validated me, paid me attention, and took on my identity. She started going to my hairdresser, went blonde when I went blonde, moved to my neighborhood from an hour away, got a job near my job, commuted to work with me, and threw herself at me sexually constantly. I could not resist the sex, I could not resist the attention. 11 years combined with distant men, and here is this gorgeous woman giving me everything. She learned how to make my sister laugh, and flirted heavily with my best friend who hasn't had a relationship in years.

I was enamored by her, she became irresistible to me, and I ignored how uncomfortable I was with her total lack of boundaries. I made excuses for her, that she was young and could grow out of it. I was terrified of my feelings. What does this mean for my marriage? This relationship I was getting completely swept away with woke my husband the fuck up. "Let's go to the sex toy store!" "Let's take a trip!" His fear of losing me made him snap out of taking me for granted. I was getting all the attention and validation from him. Our sex life took a drastic turn.

While I was falling in love with this woman and rekindling with my husband, I resisted her very much. I was scared to lose my marriage. I would tell her I couldn't be with her. It just made her pursue me harder, love-bomb me more. Finally, eight months into my relationship with her, we stayed at a hotel and slept through the night together for the first time. When I woke up and texted my husband good morning, I realized the world was still there. I felt more secure, like maybe this could be a thing. Maybe we can have two separate relationships after all.

She pushed and pushed and demanded that I stay the night with her more and more. She demanded I come out of the closet to my parents, my husband's mom, at work, and to my daughter. I did. I wasn't ready but I did. I was met with open arms and joy. I felt so much pressure from her no matter how much I told her I needed more time, she coldly demanded. Ultimately I am glad I am out now, but I wish I hadn't done it under such duress. But, I was already hooked and scared to lose her. She dangled leaving me constantly. I couldn't lose her, she brought so much excitement to my life. She brought so much energy to my sluggish existence. I am a very outgoing person by nature, but had turned into a couch potato. Being with this charming woman turned my city into a red carpet. All of my friends were ecstatic for me, my daughter could tell how incredibly happy I was.

I gave into the pressure. I started staying over at her place once or twice a week. She stayed by me a lot. When she stayed by me, I was not allowed to have sex with my husband. Sometimes she would stay five days at a time. I wanted to avoid her harshness, her mean coldness, her tantrums, and my husband didn't want to rock the boat either so we complied. I was growing very resentful of her controlling nature. I expressed my unhappiness but it fell on deaf ears and she would just throw herself at me or love-bomb me until I forgot temporarily.

A year and a half in, she disappeared emotionally. I didn't know what was going on at all. A mutual friend was a contestant on Rupaul's Drag Race, and while watching his instagram live video, I saw her in the front row with her hand on another woman's leg. This person I changed my entire life around to be with met someone else. And I found out in the most horrific way. She told me she had to meet someone because I wasn't nice to her anymore. I blamed myself for her cheating. I was so confused. Was it my fault? Why don't I like being around her yet I am terrified to lose her?

Looking back, I didn't even realize how mean and rotten she had gotten. All the charm she used in the beginning was gone, and our time together was tense and moody. All she could see was that I wasn't nice and she wanted attention so she met someone else. It happened so slowly, her charm running out, I didn't even notice. It's like she trained me to accept crumbs and abuse. My whole life trained me. Still, our sexual connection, and the rare fun moments kept us together.

Desperate to get that charming one back, I lavished her in gifts and trips. She'd always play that Bhad Bhabie song Gucci Flip Flops. I got her Gucci flip flops for Christmas. I just wanted that nice one back. She'd give me crumbs and I'd hang on every word. I was scared if I lost her, my husband would go distant, and I'd be alone with no one. I didn't want to lose either of them.

I finally told her that her negativity is impossible to be around. I finally told her I am not driving 100% of the time or paying for 100% of everything. I was sick of blowing up at her after she would bait me while having to foot the bill and do all the heavy lifting. She would post pictures on instagram to make me insecure and jealous. I would freak out at her. She loved it when I got mad. It was such a sick game.

I hated this angry person I had become. I told her I don't owe her my niceness just because we are technically together and if her answer is to cheat on me she can fucking leave. I begged her to stop baiting me and stop pushing my buttons. She actually heard me. She changed overnight, I think she wanted to do anything to get my love and attention. For a week she was pleasant, nice, she showered regularly. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. When she was positive and nice, my entire world was shining in the sun. A week later, she left without a word.

Eight days after she left me, we matched on Tinder. I got drunk at my sister's birthday party, and asked her to meet me for coffee. She asked if we could have lunch. She sat next to me at the table. I had no appetite so I didn't eat. She told me she was unhappy with the inequality, that I cared more about my husband from her perspective. I just listened and felt nothing. A week or two later she texted me and asked if me and my sister wanted to go out. My sister was done with her but I told her I could meet her. We had a drink. She looked absolutely haggard. We went to karaoke and she sang one of my all time favorite songs with more heart than I'd ever heard her sing before. It was 3am and I told her I had to go. We didn't kiss or touch at all at any of these meetings. She texted me when we were both in our ubers and asked me to come cuddle. I told her I couldn't. I asked her if she could come over next week. She said yes. In the light of day, she said she couldn't come by anymore.

Then she changed her number and I never heard from her again. She gave her number to my sister, so I put it in my phone and blocked it.

It's been two and a half months since the discard. I have been picking up the pieces, and seeing why I got so swept in this. Underneath all the dysfunction, I do believe the two of us did love each other at one point. I think her narcissism and my codependency were a match made in hell.

My husband and I are doing better than we ever have. We are on the same page for the first time about chores, finances, and we have sex every day. We talk about everything. We talk about poly, boundaries, how it should have gone, what we learned, and what we want in the future.

I know now I am extremely co-dependent. I am easily taken for granted because of this. I am a narcissist magnet. I am generous and I feel solely responsible for other peoples' lives, feelings, and my relationships. I have so much inner healing to do to feel whole and to get validation from within.

I met another woman and we are very slowly getting to know each other. She is independent, kind, ambitious, and I am not letting myself get too attached. I want to meet more people and decide who is best for me. I don't want to "test" people, but I am going to pay close attention to how people respond to boundaries and my needs. Already I am noticing such a stark difference with how narcissists react!

I fly to Miami tomorrow to tag along at this new woman's work conference. We are going out Saturday night, hanging at the beach Sunday, and I am spending Monday by myself in Miami. I haven't had sex with her yet because I am being cautious. I am using the trip to get away from the mess, be in the sunshine (it just snowed by me), and to have spontaneous fun. I do not want to jump into a serious thing at all, and she seems the same. She's never had a girlfriend and wants to take it slow too. My therapist helped me frame this by saying it's have sex and not get too attached right away. He said you can meet 10 people and having sex is how you get to know them and you may like 1 or 2. He said to frame the weekend as a "get to know you" trip and not to ask a million questions or divulge a million things, but you can get to know someone just by the way they are.

I have a good hold on myself after this learning experience and I am not going to let someone hurt me like that again. I don't know I've been grieving, healing, and reading a lot (and watching youtube videos) about narcissists and co-dependency. We are both textbook.

All in all though, we both amazingly left each other better than when we met. Her love-bombing and validation showed me how good I am and that I am attractive. I switched careers, lost weight, came out of my shell finally, and see that I am worthy of attention. My adoration showed her she is lovable and deserves unconditional love and a good life. She tripled her income, and grew up. I taught her the practical things of life and how to live in the city. I showed her acceptance and what family can be and I hope one day she does have one of her own. She showed me I am hot, interesting, funny, charming, generous and I deserve someone who is the same.

So now, I'm out as bi and poly to everyone in my life and at work. I can take my sweet time finding the right partner(s) for me. I can and will say no when I am uncomfortable. I am going to work on healing this codependency in me. I am never ignoring red flags again. I am loving myself the way I am while growing to be the best me possible. I am happy being out as bi and having a woman in my life, it makes me feel complete. But I am not going to pay for that happiness by giving too much of myself ever again.

Submitted November 01, 2019 at 08:18AM by shinebrightlike via reddit https://ift.tt/2C1CGvd

[truthinchaos]

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SCAPEGOAT THIS JUST IN

Adult Children with Cluster B personalities socially abuse and scapegoat parents

on Tuesday, April 26, 2016

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Adult Children with Cluster B personalities hurt parents and families. That is the simplest and most direct way to explain the challenges faced by parents of offspring who grow up to have full blown Cluster B personalities. Whether a child suffered trauma or neglect as a youngster stops mattering so much or being an excuse for bad behavior the moment the child is old enough to know better and has the psychological and physical wherewithal to do better.  Sadly, in the case of many narcissistic people who self-aggrandize, failure to take personal responsibility for their lifestyle choices, habits, and mannerisms goes part and parcel with a personality disorder diagnosis.

There are four distinct Cluster B personality types that are/were/have been clinically recognized in the DSMV edition of the standard diagnosis book used by mental health professionals worldwide while diagnosing. They include the following personality disorders — meaning personality types, not “mental illness” diagnoses (per say) — as follows:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Noting that at the present time, there is no known “cure” for simply having a personality that is (for lack of a better term) toxic, scientists and behavioral therapists are finally for the first time in human history starting to work to both understand and devise helpful therapy techniques to help love interests, friends, and family members of such people learn how to cope as well as to heal. This includes late-in-life help for parents of children who typically from a young age have always shown signs of emergent Cluster B.

When a child under the age of 18 shows bad behavior and makes poor lifestyle choices, it’s easy to blame toxic parents or toxic family experiences for a child acting out. If one parent is abusive and the other either enables (by refusing to leave) or participates actively as a co-narcissist abusing the child, it’s easy for the “victim” of child abuse to hold grudges against both parents for failing to protect or provide for their best interests as an adolescent, psychologically or physically.

Sadly for many great people who are kind and loving, the profoundly complex influence of their own Baby Boomer or WWII Generation parents and grandparents left them feeling like they were damned if they did or damned if they didn’t stay in a relationship with a toxic personality. Many an unhappy marriage produced one parent who became the family scapegoat and “glue”, used and abused by other family members and even their own children relentlessly and without an ounce of compassion or mercy for their kind hearts ever shown.

If a person married in the 20th century, conventional social ethics in most civilized countries were that you make a marriage work or try to stay together “for the sake of the kids”. Hindsight has proven from a psychiatric standpoint that no worse advice could have been taught or given — especially to mothers, as human beings who happen to be disempowered women.

Raised with toxic shame as a guiding force, many women with abusive husbands and limited career potentials themselves stayed on with nasty and abusive marriages. Why? Because everyone who was raised to overlook and enable abusers for their own selfish ends conversationally shamed and completely sabotaged them.

Weak Narcissists happy to stay in abusive marriages with stronger predators because it made their fiscal and social lives easier are to blame for teaching their sons and daughters that if they tried to leave a dysfunctional family or abusive marriage that not only would they fail to thrive, their own children would be directly harmed by loss of money, social support, and (in essence) being able to brag about their own bloodline. Family reputation was supposed to be preserved at all cost, especially to protect the Abuser from having his or her name defamed.

It was a time-honored tradition to keep domestic violence and abuse secret. If a child or family member was being bullied and had boo to say about it, the friends and family would gleefully engage in the act of mobbing the emotional person. No one thought twice about hurting another person to “toughen them up” — something that helped Western Civilization members learn how to industrialize nations and win wars but left the moral, intellectual, and emotional nature of some of the world’s brightest minds absolutely crippled socially and emotionally, suffering through a lifetime of heartbreaking confusion and shame.

Connect the Dots

Narcopath symptoms list includes bullying people who love holidays

If a woman left an abusive husband, she was clearly told she was being stupid and selfish. If a man wanted to leave a woman who was abusing him verbally, physically, sexually, financially, psychologically, or emotionally? He would have absolutely and without question have been considered unmanly or without a backbone.

Those forced to stay in unhappy and socially toxic unions as parents — whether due to societal pressure or because they truly in their heart believed they were doing the right thing to stay — let their children down. This proclivity to believe moral lessons to stay and endure abuse “for the sake of the kids” is and remains the most difficult social distortions of right thinking in every modernized culture today.

It also is directly the cause for many Cluster B personality types to claim they have a right to treat their own parents abusively — noting that most prefer to abuse the loving parent while keeping the strongest and most malevolent family matriarchs and patriarchs in a position the copycat or conformist personality type offspring lauds rather than eschews as a role model for behavior. Such is the danger of staying in a marriage to a person who is known to be abusive. The longer a person who is kind by nature stays, the less love and familial support they are likely to enjoy when and if they have kids who mature.

Blaming “bad parents” for why adult children treat their own spouses, friends, co-workers, family members, children, romantic interests, and even strangers is par for the course as a generic excuse most Cluster B people throw out there to see when and if a prospective Flying Monkey or new Narcissistic Supply Source can be hooked. Loving and insightful people tend to know to their core without ever having been “told” that they are responsible for their own behavior.

Regardless of how bad any child was neglected or abused, by the time they reach the age of biological maturity they are responsible for the lifestyle choices they make at the very least regarding their own attitude. No parent makes their child do things like lie, cheat, steal, have a bad temper, forces them to have a poor work ethic, or compels them to actively abuse others except in the sickest and most extreme form of cult-like families teaching things like religious zealotry actively in their home as a means of bonding the family while aligning spiritually and morally with aggressive behavior.

Yet, the Cluster B adult child will — each time caught or confronted lovingly with constructive criticism by one of their abuse victims or a therapist — pull out the “poor me card”. Waving it in the air like a metaphoric hall pass that will enable to pass through the pearly gates of Saint Peter, the toxic adult child of a loving parent will throw guilt and shame producing shade at any and every parent, family member, friend, or person of romantic interest in order to avoid taking personal responsibility for the root cause and effect of their own abusive behaviors.

Such is the plight of the narcissistic personality type, meaning those who are egocentric and responsibility-avoidant by nature. The adult with a Cluster B personality type will target those who show them the most love and care for blame in order to manufacture an excuse to continue their own selfish, dysfunctional, and toxic behaviors.

Pretending the person who loves them most is wholly to blame for having a childhood they did not like or appreciate is the default calling card left by an adult child who themselves is an abuser of other human beings. Seldom is the truly toxic parent or a grandparent set blamed for orchestrating harm to a family unit or targeted scapegoat mark.

If a parent was loving but constantly undermined by the people around them, children watching learned not only how to abuse but also to resent the person who (as a role model adult) allowed themselves to be constantly victimized. If the child showed early signs of following in an aggressor’s footsteps, by the time they reach the age of legal maturity it’s likely that rather than noticing on their own with compassion that one parent was targeted for abuse while their partner and the rest of a toxic family unit abused them for fun and sport with glee that they themselves continue the time-honored tradition of picking on the person they consider to be emotionally, fiscally, or most psychologically “weak”.

Connect the Dots

Smear Campaign survival strategies recommended by and for Abuse Survivors

If you are the parent of such a child, don’t be surprised to hear them brag about how much they love, enjoy, and respect people who are socially toxic and the most sadistic of covert situational abusers.

Yes, hearing that a child turned adult grew to an age where they are intelligent enough to have insight but lack the empathy to connect the proper social dots is overwhelmingly heartbreaking — just in case anybody reading this post on Flying Monkeys Denied here today was wondering. No pain for a parent with an ethical, kind, and empathetic moral center could be greater or more disheartening to be forced to bear than realizing no matter how much of their own life and heart space they sacrificed trying to provide the best life possible for their child was all for naught… meaning not only will the parent be denied the comfort of having a loving family to grow old interacting with but knowing in their gut the unbearable suffering their own offspring is likely to cause their own lover(s) and children throughout the coming years.

Such is the pain of being in a no-win situation with a toxic spouse, lover, parent, or child. If the people in question have a Cluster B personality type, they are bound by their own nature to constantly gaslight, pathologically lie, to create no-win situations for anyone trying to please or interact with them in a loving way, and to engage in ridiculous indulgences of psychological behavior tactics that any rational or sane person tends to describe within minutes of witnessing it as nothing less than crazy-making.

That’s when tough love of self and others can and should kick in in the mind and heart of parents of such children. Even if it is an adult’s fault that a child was traumatized, felt neglected in some way, or simply did not like their life, it’s absolutely no excuse for that person who felt or was abused to use it as an excuse to behave badly.

Bottom line, it’s no longer 1982. Nor is it any moment in life other than the now.

Abuse and trauma witnessed or endured as children and throughout adulthood shapes every human personality type without exception. Some folks use hardship and overcoming obstacles throughout life to make themselves stronger, and healthy families tend to show one another empathy for situational ethics as well as a historical context with regard to (literally) social position.

A mother of young children has far more opportunities today as a single parent than the generation before, and a massive social and financial advantage over that of her grandmother and great-grandmother. Failing to examine family challenges in the light of historical context is one way people who fail to introspect with a sense of realism trick themselves into thinking blame scenarios that both punish a person who they feel could have done better as well as excuse their own toxic proclivities happen psychologically.

The tough part is as parents of Cluster B children, many folks elect to cut their kids entirely too much slack in the pity party area. Were our marriages and family lives as kids or while raising our own children perfect? Not likely. Does that give us a right to fail to post, “fail to launch”, or act abusively in the now moment because somewhere back in time, based on an entirely different set of situational ethics, someone encouraged us to make a different choice or we simply failed at the time to connect empathetically and know better?

Adult Children with Cluster B personality types can come from a family with two great parents, no parents, or one parent who is the family rescuer. Some are born with a thinning in the area of the brain that renders them unable to process empathy. Others have neuro chemical imbalances likely to be able to be treated with neuro medicines in the coming two decades, clinically speaking. Others are traumatized directly, either having been abused themselves or forced to witness chronic abuse (such as in the case where one parent is consistently abusive and the other is left trying to fill in the role of mom-dad while struggling to endure being abused directly by a partner and their own children simultaneously). Even more are suspected of having become less empathetic by nature due to things like sports-related head injuries. Some, like autistic children, only have limited capacities for experiencing the emotion empathy on a biological level [1 in 68 ] or are (due to health reasons) egocentric by nature in response to their own compromised genetics.

Connect the Dots

How to talk to Adult Children about their own Child Abuse issues

Whatever the root cause or origin of the formation of a Cluster B personality, then, becomes a wholly separate yet still inextricable element influencing parents and any related family member to the type. So mom failed to buy that pony you wanted and daddy was never there. Clearly, road raging over who is blocking traffic is correlated and just cause for a person with a nasty temperament to rant and rave like a lunatic while reckless driving and displaying extreme levels of hostile and aggressive anti-social behavior.

[Yes, we are kidding, and yes, we are trying to make a salient point about Cluster B adult children here.]

This is the point parents need to grasp in order to truly become more effective role models and “adultier” adults…

No matter how wonderful or horrible you were as a parent, if you give a shit about their life and needs more than your own, understand that your willingness to self-sacrifice actually promoted and encouraged them to develop at the very least strong symptoms of Cluster B egocentric and entitlement-based thinking, non-empathetic behavior.

Wait… say what?

Yes.

We did say it, we’ll say it again, and absolutely promise that no matter how much pulling off that intellectual mindset bandage stings that there’s an absolutely necessary reason to say such an immediate guilt producing and truly toxic shaming thing.

Parents — did any adult you ever knew growing up tell you to put your own needs above that of your children? If they did, chances are that person had some sort of a toxic, Anti-Social or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

CONVERSELY…

Parents — did any adult you ever knew growing up encourage you to overlook or endure abuse, to stay in an unhappy marriage, or to continue taking social and emotional abuse from a toxic family member or person abusing you? Then get this, and get it to the core. THAT person was actively a Covert Narcissist teaching toxic shame values and “enabling” morals to you… seldom if ever for your own good but almost always provably in the best interest of themselves, first.

Yeah. Read and re-read that as many times as you need. No kind, loving, or thoughtful person who has your best interest at heart (rather than their own) would ever in a million years knowingly give you bad advice like that. It simply is never done by truly empathetic and psychologically healthy people, encouraging other people to follow a less godly path so they can keep material gains or improve their own image with regard to social status.

A decent parent or religious organization would never in a million years encourage family members or parishioners to self-elevate by abusing other human beings or lying, for example. Honoring thy mother and thy father was intended to be a socially compelling statement for humans to do their best in life, improving their behavior individually and generationally — not used as an excuse for Cluster B parents and church elders to use that hall pass to abuse.

There’s also no commandment that pronounces parents are required by moral law to lie for, excuse, and enable their own children to abuse society, friends, family members, lovers (once they are adults), or to help them abuse their own children.

Moreover, there is NO moral law that states a parent should ever allow themselves to be abused by or unjustly be treated disrespectfully by a teenager, young adult, or grown adult child. Yet, parents of abusive kids tend to take it time and time again on the proverbial chin from their offspring in the hopes that someday they will “come around”. But here’s the trouble with wishful thinking…

Every time a parent of an unruly teen or young adult overlooks or excuses Cluster B behavior, the child is likely to have the proclivity to act abusively towards others calcify as something that by nature and nurture they fully habitualize. Neurons tend to calcify personality type the hardest between birth to age four (when most traits are formed at the core) then again between the ages of 18 and 28.

If your adult child is 18 or 19, still socially is immature, and runs with an immature or toxic crowd, they are likely to act like their friendship circle lauds. But if they turn 21, are employed, and have completed school — or at the very least are old enough to have read a self-help or psychologic book about overcoming toxic parenting — and they still are willfully and obstinately choosing to act abusively toward parents or disrespectfully civilly?

Connect the Dots

What to expect when leaving a Narcissist

Then, there is more than likely a serious personality disorder at best emerging.

Jumping in to save a teen or an adult child from their own bad behavior while allowing them to treat poorly those striving to help and emotionally connect with them to foster a loving and supporting family atmosphere is likely to calcify their neuroplasticity into toxic thinking patterns deeper, not lesser. Overlooking adult children failing to show even the simplest forms of human decency when speaking to you (as their parent) is enabling them to abuse.

Understanding that the more you willingly allow them to speak to you disrespectfully or treat you as a non-human as their parent, the more damage they are doing to themselves as well as you is the only real way to help them as well as you.

We know that’s a lot of YOU YOU YOUSE right there to process. It’s a hard pill to swallow, thinking about having to — for their own best interest as well as yours — disengage socially and emotionally from a child who as an adult person “gets off” feeling powerful, in control of a conversation or social interaction, and actually takes great pride in sadistically striving to abuse. But, it’s a necessary leap of faith, to trust the universe to bring the right lessons to the adult child about life and the real world to help them socially and emotionally mature.

Some parents live to be 80, 90, or 100 years old and take inordinate amounts of grief or crap from their rude, abusive, and self-centered children willingly, thinking they are being good parents for staying in abusive relationships with their own toxic children. Actually, in such circumstances, many who elect to endure abuse do so based on toxic thinking and shame beliefs they themselves were taught as young children.

Staying in an abusive marriage is dumb and always, ALWAYS to the social and emotional detriment of the children. So is staying in a toxic family environment where a parent or grandparent abuses younger generations or the younger generation abuses siblings or a targeted parent or parents.

Bottom line, in any human relationship, reciprocity and civility with empathetic understanding is key to forming enduring and healthy connections between humans that bond generationally.

Kids with loving parents who have their back benefit from always having a kind and loving ear at the ready. Parents with loving children get the chance to enjoy spending time with their offspring, including with their chosen partners and grandchildren.

Those who have the cycle of healthy function interrupted or sabotaged by even one toxic thinker in a family all suffer unimaginable losses, for why? So some asshole can toot their own horn the loudest while making sure they pee in the proverbial gene pool for everybody?

Whether one parent, both parents, a grandparent, the Tooth Fairy, Bill Clinton, or the Easter Bunny caused an adult child trauma early in life, if that person shows up, validates their emotional claim, and strives to make things right they should be applauded for no other reason than their willingness to try. But if that same person who failed to care properly for a child denies, lies, scapegoats, avoids accepting any personal responsibility, shows zero care, consideration, or remorse for family falling outs or bad behavior, or simply continues to undermine, bully, and triangulate relentlessly it does not matter if it’s a parent, adult, or child.

If a person — child or not — has a Cluster B personality disorder, they are social and emotional terrorists.

They are going to be attention hogging, egocentric, irrational, and morally lazy. But worse — they are likely to blame and scapegoat everyone around them… most especially the most loving and emotionally sensitive of their parents.

If your child grew up to become a person that you would walk across the street to avoid if you knew about their lifestyle habits, letting them be a part of your life (as their parent and as a grown adult human being with your own lifestyle preferences and needs for emotional health as well as physical security) is… questionable at best with regard to pragmatic logic.

Did you divorce the co-parent for exhibiting the same traits? Guess what — no matter how loving you are, the child might simply have challenges behaving in a socially healthful way in part due to both your nurturing but also because of their own genetics. You don’t have to hate them any more than you have to hate their bio-parent.

Connect the Dots

Root causes for Borderline Personality Disorder

Actually, it’s quite simple to unconditionally love them. The tricky part as parents of Cluster B kids in Narcissistic Abuse recovery after spending at least the first 28 years of a child’s life being traumatized by THEM while striving to act like a decent human being and be a good parent is learning how to love them unconditionally in such a way that allows you to set and forgive yourself for ever having to set or enforce practical, “abuse opportunity preventing” boundaries.

Failure to set healthy lifestyle boundaries as parents has a negative impact on the healthiest and most normal of kids. When a bio-child has a proclivity to use and abuse other people as part of their nature by personality type?

Yikes is all we’re actually saying.

Why are we saying it? Because people who spend years trying to recover from bad romantic relationships only to suffer decades of the most mean-spirited, caustic, and cruel of abuses at the hands of their own children tend to feel helpless, hopeless, and literally die from the intense pain of social and emotional abuse.

Fortunes are given away trying to support non-appreciative spouses or horrific self-promoting Cluster B parents…

The best and most productive of age-years spent wasted parenting ungrateful and unruly children… followed by being treated like a person entitled to less human rights than someone like Charles Manson…

Truly, the existential gripping horror of those who grew up during the second half of the 20th century only to find that in the 21st century that not only did their attempts to please toxic parents as caregiving adult children failed but now their own children — having been over-indulged and taught they were psychologically “more important” as humans than their caregiving parents ever were or will be…

That oppressive feeling of failing as the child of a toxic parent and subsequently as a loving parent who inadvertently raised a toxic child is almost too much to bear, even for the most stalwart of “Gray Rock” recovery advocates. The pain of losing a relationship with your own child because they grow up errantly thinking that people with empathy are weak, stupid, losers who deserve to be unrelentingly abused at their whim for no crime other than striving to show other humans (especially their own family and children) hospitality at all times has got to be one of the most gut-wrenching and humiliating spiritual and psychological tortures to endure for any man or woman at any time.

Seeing your adult child take on the “stupids” — meaning toxic thinking a logical person who is introspective and simply willing to do a few hours of research can find out is socially destructive to do — is heartbreaking. Seeing them pledge allegiance at the altar of fools, perpetuating the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse with you (as their scapegoat “preferred target” parent) truly feels as if it kills part of you. You blame yourself as a parent for any moral failing of a child… that’s natural.

But that does not mean that letting it happen to you or allowing them to continue is something GOOD to do. It’s not in your best interest or theirs to remain in contact if they simply fail to appreciate you.

If they were a stranger who walked up to you on the street and spoke to you like that, would you be likely to welcome them with open arms into your life or invite them over to dinner? Would you hire them as an employee entrusted with caregiving or fiduciary responsibilities? Would you let them babysit themselves when they were little? If the answer to these questions is a resounding, “Oh hell no!” then you are already 42 steps ahead of the game as a person who is waking up to the reality that the generic advice we internalized as children about what it truly means to be a good person and loving parent was a load of absolute donkey poop.

Parents and kids don’t have to socialize. Neither do siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, or any other extended family member. Genetics does not bond a parent to a child legally past the age of 18 or vice versa for good reason, namely some people are simply impossible, irrational, and ultimately emotionally or psychologically destructive personality types with whom to deal.

Connect the Dots

How to spot the red flags and warning signs of NPD

If your adult child steals, lies, speaks in ways that are abusive to you, or they go out of their way to keep you socially triangulated, consider the right advice to give yourself if they were a romantic interest instead of your child. Would you let some man or woman you were dating talk down to you, scream at you, insult you, steal from you, destroy your personal property, make fun of or openly ridicule you, or treat you with disdain emotionally? Would you jump for joy at the thought of them calling or showing up for a visit to actively manufacture chaos in your home environment, cause extreme duress for both you and your other “housemate” or housemates? Would you rush to enter into a lifelong marital contract with them or place them in a position of legal and physical responsibility for your medical caregiving?

One can only hope the answer to those questions is NO.

Thusly, the parent of an ADULT CHILD WITH A CLUSTER B PERSONALITY DISORDER must learn to detach, observe, and engage nothing less than their own sense and sensibilities. Don’t presume your child loves you and will care for you lovingly simply because you spend the first 20 plus years of their life dutifully sacrificing your life and time to providing for and striving to cover for them.

Do plan your own senior care responsibly as well as protect your own assets rather than giving away the proverbial farm to appease 20, 30, 40, or even 50-year old them.

Do plan to protect your living space from emotional or physical intrusion, including but not limited to protecting your own life mate, “other” siblings, and family members from them to the best of your ability.

Know that there is only so much one human being can possibly do to help or encourage another and learn to set limits of your time and emotional availability resources.

But by all means, spend time every day reading and researching all you can about personality disorders, how to heal from Narcissistic Abuse, and how to avoid getting yourself entangled psychologically or emotionally with any domestic abuse or workplace bullying environment.

Why?

Because if your adult child ever does come around, the role model you set as a Narcissistic Abuse survivor who lives a healthy lifestyle positions you to become an advocate, not simply for them but for all others. If you get healthy and only care about doing so in order to win back the love and affection you wish was willingly offered by a toxic child, you are letting your own selfish needs to have them back trump your own right to be treated as a human being.

Be happy for you. Let them figure it out on their own why treating yourself and other people with reciprocal respect, kindness, and mutuality matters.

Let them do their own thing, understanding that if they are grown adults they have it within their power to do the very same forensic psychology research you have done in order to improve your life and THEIR world. If they don’t care enough about you, them, their spouses or mates, or their own children, friends, and family member’s life with regard to the impact their behavior has on them as a causal agent, then so be it.

All you can do as a healthy parent is make personal choices not to overlook abuse or live a life taking abuse from people who truly are more likely to celebrate the lack of your being and the promotion of themselves fiscally when and if you lay down and die.

There is absolutely nothing noble or “loving” about allowing a toxic adult child to scapegoat and blame you perpetually for their own socially toxic behavior. Abuse of a loving parent by an adult child treating them like a preferred target or scapegoat is truly one of the worst of all human social crimes.

It’s simply prudent if you are Skeletor’s mother or father to love him (or his twin sister) from a distance.

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DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact flyingmonkeysdenied@gmail.com directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

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Cardi B’s ‘Invasion of Privacy’ Name Drops One of Beyonce's Pre-'Lemonade' Ballads About Infidelity

Cardi B’s debut album is finally here!

The 25-year-old rapper dropped her full-length debut, Invasion of Privacy, on Friday, which features several already established hits, as well as some more catchy club tracks, star-studded collaborations and pointed, fiery verses about a cheating man.

Cardi's song "Thru Your Phone" dives deeper into the themes of infidelity she rhymed about on "Be Careful," making many fans think the tracks are about her fiance, Migos rapper Offset, and infidelity rumors that have plagued the couple.

"Did you give it her raw? You love her or nah? You risk your whole home for a ho at the bar?" Cardi rhymes on "Thru Your Phone," giving off serious Lemonade vibes and even name-checking one of Beyonce's early ballads about infidelity in the process. 

"Beyonce on my stereo, 'Resentment' on repeat," she rhymes, referencing the 2006 track. 

And that's not the only Queen Bey reference on the album. On "Best Life" with Chance the Rapper (who rhymes about getting a "pep talk from 'Yonce"), Cardi boasts that she "took pics with Beyonce / I met Mama Knowles," possibly referring to when the two met at the Made in America festival back in September. Plus, on "Money Bag," Cardi notes, "With them pretty ass twins, you look like Beyoncé."

During an interview with Ebro Darden on Beats 1 on Apple Music on Thursday, Cardi was asked about the rumors that she’s expecting her first child with Offset -- but she didn’t give much of an answer. “Well, you know, I just feel like people have to tune in a little bit on my album, and they will know a little bit more,” she teased. “Because it’s like, I can’t address all the rumors and everything.” “I have been so open to people about myself. People cannot expect me to open [up] about everything. Certain things to me, it has to be private,” she continued. “You cannot invade my privacy. I’m not a damn animal at the zoo that you just can see everything. No.”

Cardi, a Bronx native who got her start through viral fame and on the VH1 reality series Love & Hip Hop: New York, broke through last summer with her massive hit “Bodak Yellow,” which was certified quintuple platinum and topped the Billboard Hot 100 chart for three weeks straight, even de-throning Taylor Swift.

Since the release of her breakout single, Cardi has made feature appearances on several hit tracks -- including Bruno Mars’ “Finesse” remix, Migos’ “Motorsport,” and G-Eazy’s “No Limit” -- as well as dropping three more singles prior to the release of Invasion of Privacy: “Bartier Cardi,” featuring 21 Savage, “Be Careful,” and another collaboration with Migos called “Drip.”

Cardi teased Invasion of Privacy’s full track list on Wednesday, which also previewed the collaborations with Chance the Rapper, SZA, Kehlani, YG, Bad Bunny and J Balvin.

TRACKLIST ...more surprises when the album drop 😉any questions you have don’t Ask me ! You will find out on FRIDAY😘

A post shared by Cardi B Official IG (@iamcardib) on Apr 4, 2018 at 9:33am PDT

Back in February, the rapper opened up to Cosmopolitan about her decision to stay with Offset despite rumors of his infidelity.

"It's like everybody is coming down my neck like, 'Why are you not leaving him? You have low self-esteem,'" Cardi said. "I don't have low self-esteem… I know I look good. I know I'm rich, I know I'm talented. I know I could get any man I want -- any basketball player, football player. But I want to work out my s**t with my man, and I don't got to explain why." See more from the candid interview in the video below.

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Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters

A couple of years ago, the CBC published an article about how Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung got rich and retired by not joining the home ownership ‘cult’.

The couple, who blog about travel and early retirement at Millennial Revolution “managed to save $500,000 by working hard and living modestly,” writes Sophia Harris. “The couple was ready to spend it on a down payment — until they saw what was on offer. They scoped out dilapidated houses selling for half a million dollars.”

Instead of buying a home, they invested their savings…and got lucky. Their portfolio doubled in four years. (Even without the good fortune, they were well on their way to financial freedom.) Today “they live on $30,000 to $40,000 a year, money that largely comes from dividend payments generated from their stock portfolio.”

This young couple made some out-of-the-box choices. Those decisions paid off. Sure, they enjoyed good fortune with their investment results, but so did many of us from 2010 to 2014. If you ignored the relentless negative news stories about stocks, your total market index fund jumped 90% over those four years. This couple’s story ought not be unique; it ought to have been the norm for personal investors during that time span.

To me — and to most of you, I hope — this is a success story. It’s something to celebrate.

But many CBC readers thought Kristy and Bryce were phonies. They were scammers. They were trust-fund babies who got a lucky break. They did nothing to deserve their financial success. Commenters were certain that they were going to squander their riches…and soon! (Newsflash: Kristy and Bryce are doing just fine — despite the haters.)

I wish I could say the responses to this article were unusual. They’re not. In fact, they’re the norm when major news outlets feature stories about early retirees (or others who make unconventional choices with money). When people are brave enough to share their story in public, the public usually tears them to shreds.

But why?

America’s Love-Hate Relationship with Wealth

People in general (and Americans in particular) have a complex love-hate relationship with wealth. We want to be rich — but we’re suspicious of those who already are.

Nearly everyone who achieves financial success believes they’ve done so through justifiable means. They believe they’ve earned their money (or deserve it), and they don’t feel guilty for having it. Too, we’re generally supportive and appreciative of our friends who make it big. (I can think of a handful of folks I know who have managed to acquire wealth, and I’m proud of each of them.) But when it comes to strangers who get rich? Then our attitudes change.

Most of us want to be rich, yet we resent it when other people manage to achieve their financial goals. We complain that they had advantages that we didn’t, or that they cheated, or that they don’t deserve the money. But what if the same thing happened to us? What if we became rich? How would we feel about such judgment and criticism?

Take my father, for instance. He was a serial entrepreneur, and managed to build two successful businesses during his short lifetime. He worked hard and dreamed big. He wanted to be rich so that he could provide his family everything they wanted.

At the same time, Dad bemoaned other people’s success. He didn’t resent everyone who made it big, but he often complained that this fellow was successful because he’d caught a lucky break or that gal earned her fortune because she knew the right people.

There’s no question that some people have lucked into wealth. I have a friend whose family owned a large manufacturing business; as a result, she’s benefited from a huge annual stipend from her trust. This has turned her into a slacker and layabout. She’s frequently out of work, and makes all sorts of excuses about why she can’t find a job. It’s difficult to be around her.

But at the same time, I know folks who have worked like dogs to accumulate their wealth. I know others who have scrimped and saved for decades to build their savings. Do I begrudge these folks for having a million dollars? Or three million? Hell, no. They’ve earned it. They deserve it.

The media demagogues would have you believe that this rush to judgment is a partisan thing. That’s nonsense. Being a Democrat doesn’t necessarily mean you hate the rich, and being Republican doesn’t mean you’re all for the wealthy. My grandmother was the most conservative person I’ve ever known, and she hated the rich. I have a good friend who is as liberal as you’ll ever meet, and he’s pro-business, pro-capitalism, pro-money to the core.

But if this love-hate relationship with wealth isn’t political, what is it? Is it a part of our Puritan heritage? I don’t know. For myself, I’ve decided to suspend judgment when I hear about the wealth of others. I exercise financial empathy. There’s just too much I do not (and cannot) know. I’d rather assume the best than assume the worst.

Everyone Hates a Winner

After Kristy and Bryce were profiled by the CBC, we connected by email. Kristy’s first question was about how to handle criticism. “How do you deal with the haters?” she asked. “We’ve been getting a ton of them since our article went live, and even though I expected it, it’s getting a bit exhausting.”

Great question — and not just for money bloggers. Here’s what I wrote back:

Your best bet is simply to ignore the financial trolls. You know what you’ve done and you know how you did it. You know it works. These fools know nothing about you. Their opinions don’t matter. Let them live their blissful lives of ignorance funded by debt and fifty years of working for The Man.

You can’t reach everyone. In fact, you’re only going to be able to help a handful of people. That’s okay. Those few are your peeps — and you’re their peeps. Ignore the haters and focus on the fans.

It took me a l-o-n-g time to learn this, but the realization changed my life. It gave me a lot of peace.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter how a person achieves financial independence — whether it’s by cutting costs, boosting income, or both — commenters on major news sites will rip them to shreds. I’ve been watching this happen for a decade. It’s what I expect when I read any sort of financial success story.

If the story emphasizes that the subject met their financial goals by cutting costs, by living on less than, say, $20,000 per year, then the commenters will rail about how miserable the subject must be. “What’s the point in retiring early if you have to eat cat food,” they’ll write. “Fine for them, but I want to live in a house and not a hovel.”

On the other hand, if the story profiles somebody who succeeded because they worked hard at a high-paying career, then the commenters will grouse about how anyone can get rich if they earn big bucks. (Not true, by the way.)

And if you’re somebody like me, someone who made the leap to full financial independence because of a windfall? Well, we’re the worst kind of people. We didn’t earn it! Our wealth was handed to us! (Never mind the stats on how most people squander windfalls.)

When I read comments from folks who think this can’t be done, comments ripping on folks who have done it, I don’t think less of the subjects. I think less of the commenters. I see them projecting their own inadequacies and insecurities on people who have managed to make things happen.

Anonymity on the internet brings out the worst in people. They do and say things that they’d never do and say in person. You can’t control what people think of you, and you can’t prevent them from attacking you in a space you do not control, such as the CBC website.

Here’s a recent example of people hating on success. My friend Gwen from Fiery Millennials was recently featured in a MarketWatch article about people retiring early. Gwen is only 27, but she’s been saving aggressively for years in order to achieve financial independence.

Commenters on the article wrote things like:

“Sorry, but you can’t retire at 27, unless you want to live like a pauper.”

“This talk of people retiring at 27 is just stupid. Nothing I read in the example given will allow these people to retire at that age and have enough of money for their lifetimes. That is just Facebook hype.”

“This is such a silly article. Retiring at 27? Unless you inherited millions of dollars or won the lottery this is a stupid idea. The bottom line is that a lot of these Millenials jusr dont want to pay their dues.”

It doesn’t matter what the story is. There’s always somebody out there ready to hate.

Shake It Off

It’s not just financial independence that brings out the trolls. It’s any sort of financial behavior that seems outside the norm. Decide to become a car-less family and you’re going to get flak. Decide to downsize from a 3000-square-foot home to a tiny house and people are going to think you’re nuts. Tell your co-workers that you buy your clothes at thrift stores and they’ll rant about how gross that is.

I believe we need to be celebrating success stories, not denigrating them.

I don’t care whether you achieved early retirement by having a $300,000 income or by spending just $12,000 a year. I don’t care if you won the lottery. However you did it, good for you. Bravo!

I don’t care if you paid off your student loans by working three jobs. I don’t care if you cut housing costs by moving in with your parents. And you know what? I don’t care if you didn’t go on a vacation for five years so that you could save up for a new sports car either. If you set a money goal, made a plan, then achieved that goal — well then, I celebrate your accomplishment!

If you do what’s right and you do your best, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Stay focused on your own life, your own goals. Ignore the haters. Shake it off.

Sidenote: Yes, it’s true. I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Deal with it!

The post Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/coping-with-haters/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[foursprout-blog]

Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/everyone-hates-a-winner-how-to-cope-with-haters/

Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters

A couple of years ago, the CBC published an article about how Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung got rich and retired by not joining the home ownership ‘cult’.

The couple, who blog about travel and early retirement at Millennial Revolution “managed to save $500,000 by working hard and living modestly,” writes Sophia Harris. “The couple was ready to spend it on a down payment — until they saw what was on offer. They scoped out dilapidated houses selling for half a million dollars.”

Instead of buying a home, they invested their savings…and got lucky. Their portfolio doubled in four years. (Even without the good fortune, they were well on their way to financial freedom.) Today “they live on $30,000 to $40,000 a year, money that largely comes from dividend payments generated from their stock portfolio.”

This young couple made some out-of-the-box choices. Those decisions paid off. Sure, they enjoyed good fortune with their investment results, but so did many of us from 2010 to 2014. If you ignored the relentless negative news stories about stocks, your total market index fund jumped 90% over those four years. This couple’s story ought not be unique; it ought to have been the norm for personal investors during that time span.

To me — and to most of you, I hope — this is a success story. It’s something to celebrate.

But many CBC readers thought Kristy and Bryce were phonies. They were scammers. They were trust-fund babies who got a lucky break. They did nothing to deserve their financial success. Commenters were certain that they were going to squander their riches…and soon! (Newsflash: Kristy and Bryce are doing just fine — despite the haters.)

I wish I could say the responses to this article were unusual. They’re not. In fact, they’re the norm when major news outlets feature stories about early retirees (or others who make unconventional choices with money). When people are brave enough to share their story in public, the public usually tears them to shreds.

But why?

America’s Love-Hate Relationship with Wealth

People in general (and Americans in particular) have a complex love-hate relationship with wealth. We want to be rich — but we’re suspicious of those who already are.

Nearly everyone who achieves financial success believes they’ve done so through justifiable means. They believe they’ve earned their money (or deserve it), and they don’t feel guilty for having it. Too, we’re generally supportive and appreciative of our friends who make it big. (I can think of a handful of folks I know who have managed to acquire wealth, and I’m proud of each of them.) But when it comes to strangers who get rich? Then our attitudes change.

Most of us want to be rich, yet we resent it when other people manage to achieve their financial goals. We complain that they had advantages that we didn’t, or that they cheated, or that they don’t deserve the money. But what if the same thing happened to us? What if we became rich? How would we feel about such judgment and criticism?

Take my father, for instance. He was a serial entrepreneur, and managed to build two successful businesses during his short lifetime. He worked hard and dreamed big. He wanted to be rich so that he could provide his family everything they wanted.

At the same time, Dad bemoaned other people’s success. He didn’t resent everyone who made it big, but he often complained that this fellow was successful because he’d caught a lucky break or that gal earned her fortune because she knew the right people.

There’s no question that some people have lucked into wealth. I have a friend whose family owned a large manufacturing business; as a result, she’s benefited from a huge annual stipend from her trust. This has turned her into a slacker and layabout. She’s frequently out of work, and makes all sorts of excuses about why she can’t find a job. It’s difficult to be around her.

But at the same time, I know folks who have worked like dogs to accumulate their wealth. I know others who have scrimped and saved for decades to build their savings. Do I begrudge these folks for having a million dollars? Or three million? Hell, no. They’ve earned it. They deserve it.

The media demagogues would have you believe that this rush to judgment is a partisan thing. That’s nonsense. Being a Democrat doesn’t necessarily mean you hate the rich, and being Republican doesn’t mean you’re all for the wealthy. My grandmother was the most conservative person I’ve ever known, and she hated the rich. I have a good friend who is as liberal as you’ll ever meet, and he’s pro-business, pro-capitalism, pro-money to the core.

But if this love-hate relationship with wealth isn’t political, what is it? Is it a part of our Puritan heritage? I don’t know. For myself, I’ve decided to suspend judgment when I hear about the wealth of others. I exercise financial empathy. There’s just too much I do not (and cannot) know. I’d rather assume the best than assume the worst.

Everyone Hates a Winner

After Kristy and Bryce were profiled by the CBC, we connected by email. Kristy’s first question was about how to handle criticism. “How do you deal with the haters?” she asked. “We’ve been getting a ton of them since our article went live, and even though I expected it, it’s getting a bit exhausting.”

Great question — and not just for money bloggers. Here’s what I wrote back:

Your best bet is simply to ignore the financial trolls. You know what you’ve done and you know how you did it. You know it works. These fools know nothing about you. Their opinions don’t matter. Let them live their blissful lives of ignorance funded by debt and fifty years of working for The Man.

You can’t reach everyone. In fact, you’re only going to be able to help a handful of people. That’s okay. Those few are your peeps — and you’re their peeps. Ignore the haters and focus on the fans.

It took me a l-o-n-g time to learn this, but the realization changed my life. It gave me a lot of peace.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter how a person achieves financial independence — whether it’s by cutting costs, boosting income, or both — commenters on major news sites will rip them to shreds. I’ve been watching this happen for a decade. It’s what I expect when I read any sort of financial success story.

If the story emphasizes that the subject met their financial goals by cutting costs, by living on less than, say, $20,000 per year, then the commenters will rail about how miserable the subject must be. “What’s the point in retiring early if you have to eat cat food,” they’ll write. “Fine for them, but I want to live in a house and not a hovel.”

On the other hand, if the story profiles somebody who succeeded because they worked hard at a high-paying career, then the commenters will grouse about how anyone can get rich if they earn big bucks. (Not true, by the way.)

And if you’re somebody like me, someone who made the leap to full financial independence because of a windfall? Well, we’re the worst kind of people. We didn’t earn it! Our wealth was handed to us! (Never mind the stats on how most people squander windfalls.)

When I read comments from folks who think this can’t be done, comments ripping on folks who have done it, I don’t think less of the subjects. I think less of the commenters. I see them projecting their own inadequacies and insecurities on people who have managed to make things happen.

Anonymity on the internet brings out the worst in people. They do and say things that they’d never do and say in person. You can’t control what people think of you, and you can’t prevent them from attacking you in a space you do not control, such as the CBC website.

Here’s a recent example of people hating on success. My friend Gwen from Fiery Millennials was recently featured in a MarketWatch article about people retiring early. Gwen is only 27, but she’s been saving aggressively for years in order to achieve financial independence.

Commenters on the article wrote things like:

“Sorry, but you can’t retire at 27, unless you want to live like a pauper.”

“This talk of people retiring at 27 is just stupid. Nothing I read in the example given will allow these people to retire at that age and have enough of money for their lifetimes. That is just Facebook hype.”

“This is such a silly article. Retiring at 27? Unless you inherited millions of dollars or won the lottery this is a stupid idea. The bottom line is that a lot of these Millenials jusr dont want to pay their dues.”

It doesn’t matter what the story is. There’s always somebody out there ready to hate.

Shake It Off

It’s not just financial independence that brings out the trolls. It’s any sort of financial behavior that seems outside the norm. Decide to become a car-less family and you’re going to get flak. Decide to downsize from a 3000-square-foot home to a tiny house and people are going to think you’re nuts. Tell your co-workers that you buy your clothes at thrift stores and they’ll rant about how gross that is.

I believe we need to be celebrating success stories, not denigrating them.

I don’t care whether you achieved early retirement by having a $300,000 income or by spending just $12,000 a year. I don’t care if you won the lottery. However you did it, good for you. Bravo!

I don’t care if you paid off your student loans by working three jobs. I don’t care if you cut housing costs by moving in with your parents. And you know what? I don’t care if you didn’t go on a vacation for five years so that you could save up for a new sports car either. If you set a money goal, made a plan, then achieved that goal — well then, I celebrate your accomplishment!

If you do what’s right and you do your best, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Stay focused on your own life, your own goals. Ignore the haters. Shake it off.

Sidenote: Yes, it’s true. I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Deal with it!

The post Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

[andrewdburton]

Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters

A couple of years ago, the CBC published an article about how Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung got rich and retired by not joining the home ownership ‘cult’.

The couple, who blog about travel and early retirement at Millennial Revolution “managed to save $500,000 by working hard and living modestly,” writes Sophia Harris. “The couple was ready to spend it on a down payment — until they saw what was on offer. They scoped out dilapidated houses selling for half a million dollars.”

Instead of buying a home, they invested their savings…and got lucky. Their portfolio doubled in four years. (Even without the good fortune, they were well on their way to financial freedom.) Today “they live on $30,000 to $40,000 a year, money that largely comes from dividend payments generated from their stock portfolio.”

This young couple made some out-of-the-box choices. Those decisions paid off. Sure, they enjoyed good fortune with their investment results, but so did many of us from 2010 to 2014. If you ignored the relentless negative news stories about stocks, your total market index fund jumped 90% over those four years. This couple’s story ought not be unique; it ought to have been the norm for personal investors during that time span.

To me — and to most of you, I hope — this is a success story. It’s something to celebrate.

But many CBC readers thought Kristy and Bryce were phonies. They were scammers. They were trust-fund babies who got a lucky break. They did nothing to deserve their financial success. Commenters were certain that they were going to squander their riches…and soon! (Newsflash: Kristy and Bryce are doing just fine — despite the haters.)

I wish I could say the responses to this article were unusual. They’re not. In fact, they’re the norm when major news outlets feature stories about early retirees (or others who make unconventional choices with money). When people are brave enough to share their story in public, the public usually tears them to shreds.

But why?

America’s Love-Hate Relationship with Wealth

People in general (and Americans in particular) have a complex love-hate relationship with wealth. We want to be rich — but we’re suspicious of those who already are.

Nearly everyone who achieves financial success believes they’ve done so through justifiable means. They believe they’ve earned their money (or deserve it), and they don’t feel guilty for having it. Too, we’re generally supportive and appreciative of our friends who make it big. (I can think of a handful of folks I know who have managed to acquire wealth, and I’m proud of each of them.) But when it comes to strangers who get rich? Then our attitudes change.

Most of us want to be rich, yet we resent it when other people manage to achieve their financial goals. We complain that they had advantages that we didn’t, or that they cheated, or that they don’t deserve the money. But what if the same thing happened to us? What if we became rich? How would we feel about such judgment and criticism?

Take my father, for instance. He was a serial entrepreneur, and managed to build two successful businesses during his short lifetime. He worked hard and dreamed big. He wanted to be rich so that he could provide his family everything they wanted.

At the same time, Dad bemoaned other people’s success. He didn’t resent everyone who made it big, but he often complained that this fellow was successful because he’d caught a lucky break or that gal earned her fortune because she knew the right people.

There’s no question that some people have lucked into wealth. I have a friend whose family owned a large manufacturing business; as a result, she’s benefited from a huge annual stipend from her trust. This has turned her into a slacker and layabout. She’s frequently out of work, and makes all sorts of excuses about why she can’t find a job. It’s difficult to be around her.

But at the same time, I know folks who have worked like dogs to accumulate their wealth. I know others who have scrimped and saved for decades to build their savings. Do I begrudge these folks for having a million dollars? Or three million? Hell, no. They’ve earned it. They deserve it.

The media demagogues would have you believe that this rush to judgment is a partisan thing. That’s nonsense. Being a Democrat doesn’t necessarily mean you hate the rich, and being Republican doesn’t mean you’re all for the wealthy. My grandmother was the most conservative person I’ve ever known, and she hated the rich. I have a good friend who is as liberal as you’ll ever meet, and he’s pro-business, pro-capitalism, pro-money to the core.

But if this love-hate relationship with wealth isn’t political, what is it? Is it a part of our Puritan heritage? I don’t know. For myself, I’ve decided to suspend judgment when I hear about the wealth of others. I exercise financial empathy. There’s just too much I do not (and cannot) know. I’d rather assume the best than assume the worst.

Everyone Hates a Winner

After Kristy and Bryce were profiled by the CBC, we connected by email. Kristy’s first question was about how to handle criticism. “How do you deal with the haters?” she asked. “We’ve been getting a ton of them since our article went live, and even though I expected it, it’s getting a bit exhausting.”

Great question — and not just for money bloggers. Here’s what I wrote back:

Your best bet is simply to ignore the financial trolls. You know what you’ve done and you know how you did it. You know it works. These fools know nothing about you. Their opinions don’t matter. Let them live their blissful lives of ignorance funded by debt and fifty years of working for The Man.

You can’t reach everyone. In fact, you’re only going to be able to help a handful of people. That’s okay. Those few are your peeps — and you’re their peeps. Ignore the haters and focus on the fans.

It took me a l-o-n-g time to learn this, but the realization changed my life. It gave me a lot of peace.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter how a person achieves financial independence — whether it’s by cutting costs, boosting income, or both — commenters on major news sites will rip them to shreds. I’ve been watching this happen for a decade. It’s what I expect when I read any sort of financial success story.

If the story emphasizes that the subject met their financial goals by cutting costs, by living on less than, say, $20,000 per year, then the commenters will rail about how miserable the subject must be. “What’s the point in retiring early if you have to eat cat food,” they’ll write. “Fine for them, but I want to live in a house and not a hovel.”

On the other hand, if the story profiles somebody who succeeded because they worked hard at a high-paying career, then the commenters will grouse about how anyone can get rich if they earn big bucks. (Not true, by the way.)

And if you’re somebody like me, someone who made the leap to full financial independence because of a windfall? Well, we’re the worst kind of people. We didn’t earn it! Our wealth was handed to us! (Never mind the stats on how most people squander windfalls.)

When I read comments from folks who think this can’t be done, comments ripping on folks who have done it, I don’t think less of the subjects. I think less of the commenters. I see them projecting their own inadequacies and insecurities on people who have managed to make things happen.

Anonymity on the internet brings out the worst in people. They do and say things that they’d never do and say in person. You can’t control what people think of you, and you can’t prevent them from attacking you in a space you do not control, such as the CBC website.

Here’s a recent example of people hating on success. My friend Gwen from Fiery Millennials was recently featured in a MarketWatch article about people retiring early. Gwen is only 27, but she’s been saving aggressively for years in order to achieve financial independence.

Commenters on the article wrote things like:

“Sorry, but you can’t retire at 27, unless you want to live like a pauper.”

“This talk of people retiring at 27 is just stupid. Nothing I read in the example given will allow these people to retire at that age and have enough of money for their lifetimes. That is just Facebook hype.”

“This is such a silly article. Retiring at 27? Unless you inherited millions of dollars or won the lottery this is a stupid idea. The bottom line is that a lot of these Millenials jusr dont want to pay their dues.”

It doesn’t matter what the story is. There’s always somebody out there ready to hate.

Shake It Off

It’s not just financial independence that brings out the trolls. It’s any sort of financial behavior that seems outside the norm. Decide to become a car-less family and you’re going to get flak. Decide to downsize from a 3000-square-foot home to a tiny house and people are going to think you’re nuts. Tell your co-workers that you buy your clothes at thrift stores and they’ll rant about how gross that is.

I believe we need to be celebrating success stories, not denigrating them.

I don’t care whether you achieved early retirement by having a $300,000 income or by spending just $12,000 a year. I don’t care if you won the lottery. However you did it, good for you. Bravo!

I don’t care if you paid off your student loans by working three jobs. I don’t care if you cut housing costs by moving in with your parents. And you know what? I don’t care if you didn’t go on a vacation for five years so that you could save up for a new sports car either. If you set a money goal, made a plan, then achieved that goal — well then, I celebrate your accomplishment!

If you do what’s right and you do your best, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Stay focused on your own life, your own goals. Ignore the haters. Shake it off.

Sidenote: Yes, it’s true. I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Deal with it!

The post Everyone hates a winner: How to cope with haters appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance http://www.getrichslowly.org/2018/02/26/coping-with-haters/ via http://www.rssmix.com/