#cool vibes? am i supposed to like them based solely on cool vibes?

[illiaccrest]

You know I've been really enjoying Honkai Star Rail but every time I start thinking about where the story might go in the future it just makes me feel nervous, and I think that's entirely because of the stellaron hunters.

I get the distinct impression starting from early in the plot that the writers are expecting me to be soooooo interested in the SH, but they never really give me any reason to care about the SH. Kafka even starts her character quest with the whole "aReNt yOu InTeReSteD iN mE" which,

1) that's writing a pet peeve of mine when it comes to video games. It feels like a thinly veiled attempt by the writers to manipulate or tell the reader how they're supposed to feel about a character. To me it comes across like the writers aren't confident that they made the character interesting enough. They did the same thing with Firefly (NPCs apparently needing to tell me "oH yOu TwO aRe SoOoO close"). They know they aren't going to let the character actually DO anything so they need to inform me of how I'm supposed to feel. Weak

2) It's kind of off-putting if you happen to not see the appeal of the character immediately?? Imo it would be a lot more effective if they just stopped trying to assume/manipulate my feelings as the reader and just let me form my own opinions.

It freaks me out a little bit while I'm trying to enjoy the story because it's so BLATENT. I have the distinct impression that the game is going to reach it's emotional peak, that peak is going to revolve around the SH, and it's going to be a complete miss for me because I simply don't care about these characters.

[randomthefox]

I don’t really like the direction that they want to go with Kit after the annual. His reason for wanting to manufacture problems for Surge comes out of worry that they’ll kill Eggman and then there will be no one left to save. And I’m like, “No, you fucking won’t.” How could Kit get it into his brain that they could stand a chance at killing Eggman when Sonic and friends—who have bested them at every turn—haven't been able to do it yet? It doesn’t make any sense. Kit is supposed to be the smart one. He wasn’t just made to do tech stuff; Starline made him to look before Surge leaps by making plans based on facts and logic. But as it stands, it would be far more logical if Kit wanted to manufacture scenarios where Surge can easily win because he thinks she isn’t capable of defeating Eggman and facing him would be too dangerous for her. But that would be bad too, because aren’t these guys supposed to be some kind of threat? The writers seem to want us to judging by how they have them strike a cool pose at the end of their story. But, how am I supposed to take them seriously if their next arc seems to imply that they’re going to be isolated from the game cast, basically playing pretend until Surge catches on and they just hug it out or something because the writers decided to get rid of all of Surge’s violent impulses despite that being what made her entertaining to begin with?

Not to mention, where is this scheming side of Kit coming from? Ride out of left field; that’s where. At no point is it built up that Kit would work behind Surge’s back. Almost every appearance Kit has had until that point has established that Kit is completely incapable of doing anything on his own. He either needs someone else's validation or someone else's assistance. Why should I even be taking this oh so dark development seriously? Because this coming is garbage, we haven’t seen Kit successfully execute a single plan. In the very same story, we see how little the writers take Kit seriously. Despite Kit being the designated smart one, he underestimates the force of the rail tram's weight and gets pulled down with it. Starline made Kit to be the planner, but because this comic doesn’t understand how to write villains, there isn’t a single point where this is shown. It’s so stupid. They have Clutch constantly intimidating everyone despite having none of the means to hurt them. Then, you have Surge and Kit, characters who have all of the means to pose a threat, but the comic doesn’t let them do anything. Because the writers are lazy. They feel that because Surge and Kit have been built up as Sonic and Tails’ doppelgängers with all of these crazy cool powers, they feel they can rely solely on tell don’t show and don't have to bother giving them any impressive feats. And it works. The fans of this comic eat up this slop and ask for seconds because they subsist solely off of vibes, which yell don’t show easily provides, while everyone with a brain is banging their head against the wall because how are we supposed to believe that Kit can reliably manipulate Surge when, because of this comic's stupidity, we haven’t seen him do anything of value yet? But then again, he probably can. Because Surge has been built up as equally brain dead and able to change based on the writer’s whims.

I hate this comic so much. One of the main reasons I remained invested in this comic is because of Surge and Kit. But now, their next arc is basically going to be them playing in a ball pit, completely separate from the rest of the cast as they literally play pretend with no stakes. I don’t even like these characters anymore because their dynamic is almost the exact opposite of how it was introduced, despite them hardly actually doing anything with the said original dynamic. All of their buildup in imposter syndrome basically amounted to one issue, and from there, their character consistency dropped off the side of a cliff. How am I supposed to remain invested in these characters when they introduce character change after character change? Surge is nicer to Kit now. This change happened for no reason. Kit wants to manipulate Surge now. This change happened for no reason. The writers for this comic don’t know what an arc is, nor do they know that originally made the characters they created appealing, as shown by their characterization being all over the place. The people who like this comic don’t know either. Even though the characters are completely different from the ones I got invested in, their upcoming arc might actually be really interesting if they make it into an uncomfortable psychological thriller. But even that would be kind of boring because they already tried that in imposter syndrome. That, and that’s not what Sonic is about. Sonic is about action. Stuff like imposter syndrome served it’s purpose by being build up to the action rather than being the end goal. But there is no end goal with this comic. They’re just going to keep blue ballsing me over and over again. Never letting the only characters I currently like in this comic do anything (because it’s not like I can enjoy the game characters when they’re so out of characters). Anyways, I’m going to go back to writing my fic involving Surge and Kit where they’re actually competent so I can finally get some catharsis for all of the investment I’ve put into those characters that the comic that created them is too lazy and incompetent to give me. Rant over.

Yeah it's hard to interpret this page as being anything but Ian Flynn shitting on the video games and basically saying "lol MY super cool awesome anti hero OCs would be able to kill Eggman whenever they waaaaaaaant~" like he had to try and invent a reason why Surge and Kit WOULDN'T just go and kill Eggman or something.

Like, You and I both know that if Surge and Kit tried to go kill Eggman, he'd just turn them into bloody smears on the floor. Effortlessly. With his bare hands.

But that's not how Ian Flynn would write such a confrontation. And we know this because we've already seen how this comic would write a confrontation between Surge and Eggman

Because this comic is written By people who hate Sonic, For people who hate Sonic.

And yeah the whole manipulative toxic schemer thing for Kit really comes out of nowhere. There isn't any set up for it even in Imposter Syndrome. Like it's pretty obvious that Ian Flynn is COMPLETELY ignoring everything Evan Stanley wrote for these characters and is crafting their dialog in that Annual issue based on HIS ideas for what HE wanted to happen to Surge and Kit after issue #50 even though that is obviously not what happened in the comic.

Personally I'm still pissed we didn't actually get a Surge and Kit vs Sonic and Tails fight.

Fucking liar. We did not get Sonic and Tails vs Surge and Kit. We got Sonic vs Surge and Tails vs Kit. We never got Sonic and Tails vs Surge and Kit.

Because this comic is dogshit.

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga >:) pt. 3

more and more paragraphs ahead.  BE PREPARED!

i’m also writing this at 3 am so please bear with the horrendous grammar and punctuation.

chapter 63

i know he’s probably like this with everyone but i love how excited he is bragging about his students to her.  he’s like a child telling his mother about an amazing adventure he had with his friends, making sure he mentions every detail.  in the anime, their conversation lasted for 3:41 :3 backwards 341 is 143 which means i love you.  

1 letter = i

4 letters = love

3 letters = you

chapter 63

i love her fit!  i also like how both of them like to wear baggy clothing that accentuates their collarbones `w` it’s like they’re matching in a way.  even if she did tell him to cut the crap, she still let him run his mouth to his content LOL i feel like if he didn’t compliment himself at the end, she would have said something different.  UGH HE LOOKS SO HAPPY CALLING HER

 ah, let me translate the conversation just in case anyone needs it.

utahime: you wanted to talk about the investigation, right?

gojo: well, got any idea who?

utahime: i have no idea.  no one seems suspicious.  what do we do now?  should we ask the students for help?

gojo: yeah, that’s fine.  i’m busy so asking the kids would be okay.  keep looking.  i’m counting on you.

I THINK THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE TRYING TO SAY.

OR it could mean that she’s asking if they should start investigating the students.  it would make sense either way because gojo says in the next panel that he doesn’t want to assume that the mole is a student, and in chapter 79, gojo sends the trio to utahime to help her.  

chapter 63

these two love their students to death.  neither of them wanted to assume that the mole was a student.  in chapter 79, when utahime is talking to the trio about the mole, nobara points out to the group that the traitor must be from kyoto because utahime is the one who’s reaching out to the tokyo side.  utahime has a dismal look on her face, almost like she’s saying, “i didn’t want it to turn out this way -- for this to be true.”  after mechamaru says his farewells to miwa on the train, mai tries to talk about what he did to which utahime says, “it doesn’t matter, he’s dead, after all,” with a similar sunken expression.  i just love how her care for the students is one of the biggest aspects of her personality that’s been showcased so far.  it’s also cool how it ties together with gojo’s belief that no child’s youth should be taken away.  i truly think these two have the capacity to understand each other to a deep level, down to the core.  seeing as utahime is also a teacher, it’s safe to assume that she also wants to raise the next generation of sorcerers to be strong.  utahime and gojo’s similarities and contrasting elements are so interwined, i really wonder if it’s intentional.  like am i looking too much into this?  are utahime and gojo really meant to be this connected?  think about it.  similar motivations, care of the kids, contrasting palettes, the bickering, long history.  IT’S JUST TOO MUCH. 

also can we mention how their phone calls and meetings must be heavily planned out?  this means they’ve talked and interacted with each other A LOT behind the scenes.  she doesn’t answer his call with “what do you want?  don’t bother me on my day off.”  she knows exactly why he’s calling her and they even speak in code.  she probably meets up with him and tells him to call her on a specific day and at a specific time.  they must know each other’s schedules very well in order to execute this investigation in complete secrecy.  when he says, “we can never be too sure who is listening in around utahime” it implies that they find calling a risk, so in order to guarantee that there is no one around, they have to meet up in person.  see where i’m getting at?  they talk A LOTTT and most likely are aware of each other’s daily lives.  

the fact that gojo is her main source of stress when he’s literally a 3 hour train ride away from her is hilarious LMAOOOO.  you know what that means, right?  he must call and text her constantly about random things to annoy her.  

chapter 65

ah yes, my favorite moment by far.  look at that smile on his face.  

chapter 65

he loves saying her name.  he probably rushed over with the sole purpose of doing something like this to her LMAOOOO like i mean, mei was in there with her so technically they both needed to be helped but judging from his words and expression, he only wanted to help utahime.  notice how mei’s not there in the debris.  could she possibly have suspected gojo’s presence or an outside force?  or was she fast enough to avoid being in the debris?  either way, her lack of presence in this scene helps highlight the fact that this is a special interaction between utahime and gojo.  he refers to her in a very familiar sense.  the most formal way to address someone is by their last name followed by the honorific, -san.  in gojo’s case, he should be calling her iori-san if they weren’t acquainted.  he doesn’t even bother to call her utahime-senpai.  granted, gojo is not the most respectful and socially competent person out there because geto points this out to him.  he isn’t even aware that she finds him annoying because he views her bad attitude toward him as her just playing along with him.  he probably thinks she’s flirting back LOLOL

since he asks her “you cryin?” that definitely means that gojo witnessed her crying on one occasion or maybe multiple.  who knows, the old utahime could have been a very emotional person.  while this is happening, mei is close to gojo, she then asks him if he would console her if she were to cry in a flirtatious manner.  gojo dismisses her attempt at flirting with him and says she won’t cry because she’s strong.  now normally, you’re supposed to face the person you’re talking to, GOJO.  he KEEPS his eyes on her even when more people come to join the conversation.  

now, we can all agree that geto, mei, and shoko are better at picking up social cues than gojo.  they probably knew the vibe of the conversation and decided to play along with gojo’s antics.  

chapter 65

WE were worried about you.

pay attention to the order of the characters that show up.  gojo makes his appearance first, then geto, followed by shoko.  based on utahime’s reaction to seeing shoko, it’s evident that these two share a close bond.  shouldn’t shoko be the one to arrive on the scene first?  she’s the closest to utahime and would therefore be more concerned about her condition, right?  i know shoko’s technique doesn’t really allow her to do anything other than treat the wounds of others, but if you heard your friend was missing, you would definitely rush to the scene.  

look at geto’s reaction when mei says, “you’re the one who’s picking on her, geto.  you don’t even know it.”  i think it’s mei who’s saying this because gojo calls geto “suguru”.  but anyway, mei is aware that they’re picking on her.  i don’t think she’s the type to legitimately bully someone for their strength.  her reaction to all of this is very playful and her “heh heh heh” is proof of that.  when geto shows up and swallows the curse before it gets to utahime, he says, “satoru.  it’s not nice to pick on the weak.”  by saying this, he pisses utahime off because he too, is joining in on gojo’s joke.  i believe he’s unaware that he’s making fun of utahime because his reaction is “gah!” with a sweatdrop.  he probably thought gojo was making fun of weak people in general.  

geto’s usually a gentleman seeing as it is canon that he is more popular with girls than gojo.  BUT WHO KNOWS...you gotta be a specific type of person to be best friends with gojo.  maybe he ain’t shit too...  okay, my point is that everyone is just playing along.  when shoko shows up, utahime is relieved to see her because shoko doesn’t tease her like this.  since utahime tells shoko to not become like those two, this implies that geto teases her as well (probably not as much as gojo).  we all know geto is really big on looking out for the weak so he probably wouldn’t have insulted her for real.  

verdict: utahime being weak is just a joke.  i’ve mentioned this so many times, sorry if it’s getting annoying and repetitive hehehehehe...

chapter 65

these three aren’t irresponsible.  geto and gojo are a troublesome duo for sure, but they’re dependable.  seems unlike them to forget something so simple and essential to pretty much every mission.   

chapter 65

here’s my headcanon.  they were hanging outside or in the car when their assistant manager got a call.  the assistant was informed that two days have elapsed since mei and utahime went on their mission (or last contacted someone).  

gojo: that’s weird.  mei’s with her so they should have finished exorcising the spirit sooner.

geto: you think something happened to them?  maybe it’s a strong special grade.

gojo: utahime probably dragged mei down with her.  poor mei-san~  

gojo gets up 

geto: where are you going?  

gojo: going to save utahime!  it’s fine i’ll put up a curtain!

manager: gojo wait!!!!!!!!!!!

geto sighs

shoko: that idiot’s always running off without us.

they pin the blame on gojo for saying that he’ll put up a curtain and leaving the assistant manager behind.  you know what this means?  he ran and the manager couldn’t catch up HEHE... why the rush, gojo?  were you actually concerned about her?  

tbh i don’t see gojo ever running to something unless it’s urgent.  the fact that he ran to save her says a lot.  

----

let me know if you have any thoughts or questions!  i forgot to add this but gojo had a more serious expression when he was explaining how they must’ve been trapped in a barrier that messes with time.  he then states, “we thought it was weird even though you’re here, mei.”  i know he was probably worried sick because if mei couldn’t be contacted then that means something must’ve happened to utahime too.  okay that’s it for now.  i’ll be bringing up this little detail i’ve noticed about utahime in the manga next :3

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

[amphtaminedreams]

Spring/Summer & Haute Couture Week 2021: Whoops, I’ve Missed a Loooot (Part 2)

Hey to anyone reading,

I’m so sorry for the gap between the last fashion week review post and this one! Argh. I had no idea I posted it as long ago as the beginning of March but I think we can all agree that lockdown has fucked with our perceptions of time completely. I wish I could say the delay in posting was as simple as me being busy but I’ve also started to reflect on whether or not I want to carry on this format of posts for the time being; on the scale of problems, this one is wayyy down there in the very lower quartile of the first world region, but my motivation to carry on this kind of content in the form of long-winded text posts is...meh...not so much there anymore. At first I was thinking the issue was that working on these was my last priority on my daily to-do lists but as I’ve got back into writing fiction, it’s kind of occurred to me that the fact I was putting these posts on my to-do lists in the first place along with things like doing the ironing and contacting student finance speaks volumes. When I’m back from work or winding down, opening up Tumblr and coming back to this draft isn’t something that I think of as a fun stress reliever in the way drafting stories is. It doesn’t feel like I’m using my imagination or my creativity or expressing myself in any way and it’s not much of an escape from day to day life in the way that writing dialogue or exploring characters is. Maybe it’s because I’ve done quite a few of these posts now but I just tend to feel like I’m repeating myself, you know kinda like when you’re writing an essay and trying to fill up a word count; of course there are collections that I do have a lot of opinions on but by and large, sometimes it boils down to THESE CLOTHES ARE JUST FUCKING PRETTY, OKAY?! There’s only so many things you can say about a tulle skirt or an exaggerated collar before you want to strangle yourself with said tulle. I used to think iF VoGUe RuNwaY wRitErs CaN dO iT WhAT's MY exCusE until I realised that 1). Vogue Runway writers actually get paid and 2). for the most part all they do is explain the designer's intentions behind the collections verbatim without giving a critical opinion anyway.

I think a lot of the pressure I feel to justify what are in reality quite simple observations and opinions goes back to some of the feelings I explained in my first ever fashion week review where people who know more about fashion and have a formal education in the subject tend to be kind of gatekeep-y and elitist. It can never be that you appreciate different things about a collection but rather than one of you has taste and the other doesn’t and if it wasn’t obvious, the taste level assigned to you by the powers that be tend to positively correlate with the amount of money you have available to spend on a degree that has a reputation for failing to provide a steady income, which for most makes it an unrealistic avenue to pursue. I know, I know, the pressure is totally self-inflicted and wholly imagined seeing as I have under 500 followers on here and those who do interact with these posts most likely do so for the pictures but I still feel it, and given that I’m going to have enough external pressure to write essays when I return to uni in September, why on earth am I wasting time putting it on myself? When just posting photosets of my favourite looks is not only actually enjoyable for me but is also what other people WANT to see too? Nobody wants to read a self-indulgent paragraph like this when they’re here for the clothes and to be honest, for the most part I don’t want to write them anyway unless it’s something I have strong feelings about or if a collection can only be properly appreciated with analysis. I think I’ve made pretty clear which designers I’m a fan of, do you really need to hear me raving about Gucci or Zimmerman or Miu Miu or Balenciaga again? Is there gonna be anything revolutionary in yet another rant about Maria Grazia? Course not. I mean, if you are reading, you might have to witness those things one last time because I do intend to finish off this season’s review in this format for consistency purposes and because I’ve already got all the notes now but on the whole, I doubt anyone will miss my rambles.

So, with all that in mind, I think after I finish my S/S21 posts I am gonna start just uploading these posts without the written part. I mean, for one, the simplicity of doing this means I’m much less likely to procrastinate making them which in turn means I’ll be able to get them out right after the shows as a kind of summary as opposed to months later when they’re no longer as relevant. This will also give me more time to work on the writing I actually enjoy. Right now I’m going through and editing my 17 year old self’s “grown-up” take on the Pretty Little Liars blackmail murder mystery style plot line which I wrote back when I was completely and utterly obsessed with the show and bitterly disappointed by the last couple of seasons. The writing is pretty mediocre and often hugely cringey to read back now but I am still a fan of the basic plot and I’m genuinely motivated to see if I can make it something actually worth reading, and to get onto that ASAP; this feels especially important right now given that the HBO version of the series’ apparent upcoming release has sent that ever-present writer’s fear of seeing-your-same-storyline-done-better-by-somebody-else-thus-forever-relegating-your-version-to-being-the-poor-imitation-so-you-gotta-get-there-first into overdrive (or maybe that’s just me and my neuroses). Again, it’s a totally unfounded fear based on the fact that the HBO show will probs get millions of viewers whilst I will be doing little more than shouting into the void but anybody who’s used Turnitin to submit an essay that ultimately counts for little more than like 1% of your grade or degree will know that no matter how irrelevant your work is, the concept of failing a plagiarism check, be it via a computer algorithm or one random stranger on the internet’s assessment, is enough to conjure visions of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse galloping towards you screaming “START THE WHOLE THING AGAIN” before releasing a hoarde of 2015 Chanel vs. Walmart style comparison memes.

Now, speaking of Chanel, I should probably get back into the reviewing. 

So for the last time for a little while, here’s Christian Siriano:

Siriano’s designs are a great example of work I feel guilty enjoying. I know that when it comes to quality, the high fashion community have a lot of (negative) things to say and I really can’t speak to that because quite honestly, I know very little about textile manufacturing. Solely from my own point of view though, I do like his work a lot. I wouldn’t claim for a minute that he’s a pioneer in terms of his creations but I would 100% love to wear them and I DO hugely admire his commitment to putting women of all sizes on the runway and designing pieces that don’t simply cater to straight up and down types which is more than can be said for most brands. I get that his collections are pretty formulaic, taking what has worked for the likes of Chanel and Alessandra Rich, De La Renta and Carolina Herrera, Michael Kors too (who is kind of guilty of the same thing himself), but that’s not to say his work is bad. Let’s be real, we’ve been on this planet thousands of years, we’re all taking inspiration from someone, and maybe figures like Kors and Siriano could wait a *little* longer before taking said inspiration but their aim at the end of the day is to sell clothes, not break barriers, a task which although often left to the big name brands, they too often fail at. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling this whimsical mid-century tea party vibe, it’s elegant and it’s cutesy and My Fair Lady-esque, and you bet your arse I would be absolutely thrilled to wear one of these looks on a summer red carpet. I just can’t say no to anything tulle-maybe it’s that I was on Toddlers & Tiaras in a past life or maybe it’s that I watched too many Barbie Princess films growing up, but I like pretty much everything going on here, especially Siriano is giving us matching fedoras too. Plus, can we take a moment to praise Siriano for his COVID relief efforts? Near the beginning of the pandemic, he turned his studio into a mask manufacturing factory in order to send them out as donations, and I think that is very cool.

Then there’s Christopher Kane who once again came through with the most insanely gorgeous prints:

I mean, paint splattering is hardly a new technique but I haven’t seen it done as a print so tastefully before-it eats the Moschino biro scribble print (which apparently was copied too speaking of the tendencies of designers to “borrow” inspiration) for breakfast. It’s shit because there weren’t many looks in this collection and they weren’t really shot in a way that does them any justice but I thought I’d include the few I saved.

Comme Des Garcons is a fave of the high fashion community and one I look forward to seeing at fashion week but can never quite get behind. I appreciate the what-the-fuckery of it all with this show totally being able to pass as a run-through of some kind of nuclear waste themed scare house at one of Thorpe Park’s fright nights. I assume given that and the plastic Mickey Mouse print it’s supposed to be some kind of reference to the part late-stage capitalism has played in the hellish landscape we find ourselves in today? Or something all intellectual? In which case I made my interpretation with farrrr too much confidence. But Anyway! Who knows! I’ll leave the analysis to the fashion students, and give it one word: trippy.

Onto Dion Lee, a brand I truly do get excited to talk about because it’s rare that I don’t LOVE his work.

Without fail, Lee manages to be confidently ahead of the curve without going out of his way to announce it and his genius to everyone with flamboyant shows and exaggerated designs and extortionate prices. He is very much an underdog in the fashion world in terms of big names but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t love his collections. His S/S21 collection is one of my favourites of the bunch. I love seeing something I’ve never seen before and the palm leaf breast plate is so odd but so cool and so perfectly Dion Lee at the same time; we’ve seen jungle/tropical inspired collections sooo many times *cough cough D&G cough cough* and THIS is how you make them fresh and unique. I mean, never in a million years did I think I’d get behind the resurgence of the gladiator sandal trend but Lee has me changing my mind. This is one of the very rare times you will ever see me using this meme to praise a man but:

I mean, he has Fernanda Ly modelling for him, that the man has taste goes without saying.

Now for a bit of a full circle moment, given that I did actually praise Dior’s haute couture collection in my first ever post; Maria Grazia did GOOD. Well, with haute couture at least.

She’s always pretty hamfisted with her references, there’s no denying, with that Grecian Goddess style RTW collection typifying that statement completely, but luckily she struck gold this time round; as someone who studied the Tudors for A-level history, seeing a modern take on the exaggeratedly feminine renaissance silhouettes with the baroque prints and the deep jewell tones got me super excited especially when you throw in the dreamy tarot theming and the nods to the mystical and arcane. Seeing as the Heavenly Bodies Met Gala (I know, I know, I need to move on) was some time ago now and Cersei Lannister’s *SPOILER* been crushed by a rock (could also be seen as a metaphor for the irrelevancy David Benioff and D.B Wise condemned GoT to when they aired that shitty ending tehe) and so probably won’t be getting a collection based on her costumes any time soon, this is the only fashion take on this kind of period dress I’m going to get…and you know what? I’m okay with that. Thanks Maria, I guess?

Her RTW collection wasn’t absolutely awful either, and slightly better than the past few collections at least. Put a monkey in a room with a typewriter (or show it enough similar well-received collections) and it will eventually write something that makes sense, don’t they say? I like the nomadic feel of a lot of the looks and there’s beautiful layering going on but the aura of exotic opulence unsurprisingly didn’t stick around for long and I found that there was a decline in quality in the midsection of the show that landed a lot of the outfits in either awkward mother of the bride at a beach wedding or The Only Way is Essex Ocean Beach PLT sponsored poolside party territory. The looks picked back up a bit towards the end stretch of the show but I wasn’t a fan of the Gucci style oversized glasses which were so out of place with the rest of the theming that if anything they seemed like a cheap grab at relevancy. So yeah, a middling, subpar Etro-esque collection which is better than usual for Dior I suppose.

Next, Elie Saab, whose S/S21 collection was kinda disappointing, tbh. Oh how the turns have tabled given that positive Dior review and my usual love of Saab’s collections.

I know his dresses lose some of their appeal when we can’t see them in motion but even ON the runway I can’t see myself being dazzled by any of these pieces the way I usually am. They’re lacking the level of detail and craftsmanship I associate with the brand seemingly in favour of block colours and suits and the issue is that the whole Disney Princess fantasy has always been the appeal for me because the silhouettes aren’t interesting enough on their own. They’re not ugly pieces, they’re nice, but does nice really have a place in high fashion when the pieces are so basic in both their design and presentation that the shots could pass as ripped from a catalogue? The strongest parts of the collection were when it did go down the more delicate route with the muted blue suits and the white feather trimmed dresses, the small, ornamental gold details reminding me of a very toned down nod to Schiaparelli’s hardware, but with regards to the bright coloured pieces, I can’t lie-they did look like something you could find in the M&S Per Una holiday section. Then you’ve got the weakest parts, which were just flat out ugly: sheer giraffe print, sweat band style elasticated waits, and long chiffon shirts that I hate to admit read as frumpy. There are times where I’ve not been particularly excited by an Elie Saab collection in the past, but I do think this is the first time I’ve actively disliked parts of it.

Conversely, Erdem’s S/S21 collection was super strong, and solidified the brand’s place in my mind as a dependable source of kooky maximalism, this time round giving us  Anya Taylor Joy’s Emma wardrobe on speed. You could tell me Erdem Moralıoğlu had just raided the Bridgerton set’s fitting rooms and put it on a runway and I would 100% believe you and I mean that in a positive way because to give my unpopular opinion, the clothes were the only good thing about that show. The endearingly florid details of exaggerated bows and clashing florals were still there but this time in a way that felt more subtle and self-assured, as if the calming influence of the wooded set’d had a direct hand in the designs, giving the rugged, ethereal feel to the collection I associate with brands like Brock and Simone Rocha, all whilst keeping the parts of Erdem I’m so fond of.

Is it really much of a shock that I included pretty much every look from the Etro S/S21 show?  Like, you know that Christian idea of God, like, (the voice in my head is very much taking on the dumb valley girl voice that anybody who reads this is most probably getting too) knowing our souls? I think Veronica Etro knows mine. So no, no surprise. Though there were a few unconventional touches thrown into these looks (the campier prints and nautical theming we see with the 80s beach towel print, for example, reminded me a bit of Versace) the mystical bohemian it girl that Etro designs for would still be highly satisfied. Sure, it might be a wardrobe fit for a holiday less adventurous than backpacking but if she wanted a tropical poolside holiday, this collection is the one, the paisley print chiffon mini and maxi dresses especially. I’m just gonna pretend I don’t see the monstrosity that is leggings worn as trousers-it’s a fashion rule I refuse to abandon-because they are the only stain on an otherwise expectedly gorgeous collection.

Next, an unusually reserved RTW collection from Fendi:

More in line with the wardrobe of a European fashion editor than the glamorous trophy wife (who let’s say uses that facade as a guise to ruthlessly run her husband’s whole business empire from behind the scenes because in this house we do complex female characters only), these pieces are lot “smarter” and more professional looking than Fendi’s typical offerings; where I feel Fendi usually designs for the society girl who wouldn’t mind a front page scandal, these are the kind of outfits a young member of Monaco’s royal family would wear for a positively received but business-as-usual press tour. I know, Fendi is an Italian brand, but this is more Southern France to me. We’re talking some 2nd page shots of a Kate Middleton type on a yacht on the Riviera smiling and waving as her PR team’s ideal scenario. Still, whilst fewer exaggerated silhouettes, animal prints and overtly luxurious fabrics (real leathers, silks and furs for example) mean that the drama’s a little toned down, it’s all still very expensive looking and combines the classically feminine glamour of the past and the minimalism of modernity in the artful manner that we’re used to. Maybe it’s me being a basic bitch but I always love seeing Ashley Graham on the runway too, even if brands to tend to use her as their single token plus size model.

Kim Jones’ debut haute couture collection for Fendi, however, wasn’t a very well received one. I don’t hate it personally but I can see where the criticisms are coming from. Whilst it’s closer to the version of Fendi I’ve come to expect and there were some stunning pieces which completely encapsulated that distinctive aura of luxe and glamour, there were quite a few lazy pieces which could’ve been from any designer. I also felt the collection was a bit upstaged by what seemed to be a who’s who of the modelling world; having Bella, Cara, Kate and Naomi ALL walk in one show was a bit distracting and took the focus off the clothes completely.

Giambattista Valli’s RTW collection was gorgeous as ever; the man has undeniably mastered the art of delivering classic, objective elegance, the kind of designs I feel would make you light on your feet and smell like strawberries and cream the minute you put one on. Whilst as a brand his RTW shows are rarely trendsetting, they reliably produce a plethora of unfailingly graceful and demure pieces, as appealing to your mum and your grandma as they are to young women and little girls, and this collection is another victory lap for Valli when it comes to upholding his signature tea party and artisan cupcake making and rose garden strolling and bottomless rosé brunch appropriate aesthetic. There were a lot of outfits that were bordering on overly juvenile, with structures a little too basic to justify the amount of sequins thrown on, but when it’s good, it’s so sweet that regardless of how to formula it is, I can’t help but fall in love.

Valli’s haute couture collection was stunning too and for sure a more exciting offering than the RTW. There was of course a lot of the signature tulle but it was head-turning, over the top in a way that leant far more towards the experimental than I expected. The photos themselves are 100% believable as a some kind of Vogue behind the scenes editorial shoot on the set of live action Disney princess movie (in between takes of the climactic ball scene if you wanna get specific with the vision); if you are looking for a prettier alternative to the primary colours and disruptive shapes of a Molly Goddard collection, this is the one. It’s giving the themes of excess and abundance I associate with that of the Hunger Games Capitol but through the softer lens of a Sofia Coppola movie, and being the typical cinema loving white girl I am, I’m obviously on board with that vibe.

I did SUCH a 180 on Givency’s S/S21 collection from when I first saw it to writing a review. My initial reaction was one of disappointment, I guess simply because Givenchy has given us so many bold pieces and presentations over the last few years whereas this is more low-key. After properly considering it though as I would any other brand, I came to the conclusion that I do actually really like it. It’s still got the strange, androgynous silhouettes popping up throughout and the futuristic space-age details but with a more down-to-earth, streetwear feel, albeit a very slick, glossy spin on the trends of the rabble (that’s us guys) of course before we go believing it’s achievable. On the one hand, the devil horn accents are a touch Claire’s accessories halloween range but at the same time, done with confidence they’re kind of cool and bring something new and fun to the table in line with the dark theatre of Givenchy’s last few shows.

Now for Gucci, which for the first time I have to say, if I'm attempting objectivity, is not a standout. 

Like, can I just start by saying though the format it’s presented in is cute, it’s not ideal as a way of actually showing the collection. I get that the vintage shop bin vibe is a huge part of Gucci’s brand but polaroids make it SO hard to actually see the clothes, and that’s what we’re here for right? I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t like what I see here-the clothes are gorgeous, an idyllic ode to the off-duty wardrobes of Studio 54-ers, bohemian style icons like Charlotte Rampling and young Olivia Newton-John, psychedelic rock guitarists and the inhabitants of San Fransisco’s Haight during the late 60s and early 70s, Alessandro Michele’s favourite period of reference. I can’t pretend otherwise, or act like I wouldn’t want to wear the shit out of this collection. Buut, for Gucci? It’s a little underwhelming. These are the kind of filler looks we get in a typical Gucci show to go alongside the more statement pieces, which this collection is lacking. It’s just that these are designs which usually gets people talking and these pieces don’t do that. It sucks because for most other brands this would be a stand out collection, an immersive, luscious vignette of what people tend to think of as a cultural golden era, but when you’ve had a show that involved models carrying replicas of their own decapitated heads down the runway in the last 5 years, of course something more toned down like this is gonna generate a lot of “is that it?”s.

I owe Hermes an apology. Looking back, I have disliked all their previous collections for the same reason that I now really like this one; maybe it’s in part down to the frustration of still having to whack out the winter coat on occasion in May (fuck British weather and climate change), but suddenly I really appreciate the value of some good quality, versatile outerwear. Hermes is giving us that in spades here and for that, I bow down to them. The pieces on offer are clearly well-made and genuinely practical, and through the minimalist approach manage to retain both an air of timeless sophistication whilst also being youthful and on trend. The leather tactical vest co-ord I can easily see edged up and taking centre stage on one of those insane Seoul street style slow-mo TikToks that were big a couple of months ago and there are several pieces that could tie together a grunge influenced k-style look just as well as they could exist for years on end as the wardrobe staple of a high-powered businesswoman. Designer Nadège Vanhee-Cybulski’s strengths really come through with the simpler looks and it’s the patterned pieces that drag down an otherwise flawless collection; I guess because the aesthetic is very minimalist, the patterns can’t be anything overly decorative but unfortunately this has a bit of a dowdy effect when you pair it with such modest silhouettes. Disregarding those elements of the collection though, it was super good.

It goes without saying that Iris Van Herpen’s haute couture collection was breathtaking; if the fashion community can agree on anything, it’s that this woman’s work is consistently awe-inspiring. She captures the wonder of the universe, the biological structures and kaleidoscopic colours we don’t even register, through fashion in a way that others can only imitate, to mesmerising, truly transcendent effect; I can only assume Van Herpen has mother nature whispering into her ear because how the hell else do you explain her ability to take the kind of microscopic organisms they show you images of in an outdated GCSE science powerpoint and make a dress that resembles one so stunning? Care to explain, Iris? Because if there is some kind of line of communication between the two of you can you please tell the bitch I’m over this weather and that I have cute summer outfits I’m waiting to wear so can she pack this torrential rain shit in? K, thanks xoxo

See it seems shady as fuck to go from IVH to Isabel Marant like this because we are talking 2 designers with totallyyyy different approaches to fashion; Iris Van Herpen is haute couture for starters whereas Marant is commercial, and that’s her thing, but unfair comparisons aside this collection is still a bit of a let down. This is considering I do usually really like Isabel Marant collections based on whether or not I’d wear the pieces, which seems a more appropriate barometer to use to come to a quality verdict. Whilst there were a few of the elegant bohemian pieces my mind goes to when it comes to her brand, the steps outside of that comfort zone didn’t pay off; graffiti print (can be cool if done with some subtlety which apart from a few exceptions was not the case here), cheap looking reflective fabric, and MC Hammer style dungarees, it seems to be an attempt to merge 80s trends with modern urban culture, and an attempt that at times verged on the disastrous. It’s good for a brand to experiment, of course, and appeal to a wider client base than usual, but when it’s bad the unfortunate take away is that the design team don’t have the chops to pull off straying from familiar territory; designers wouldn’t be showing at fashion week if this was truly the case because disregarding the influence of nepotism, fashion is an area you need real talent, perseverance and business smarts to excel in, and so it doesn’t do a team justice when they do fail.

J.W Anderson, on the other hand, really put his best foot forward this season and presented this work in a really cool way too which only added to the positives; whilst the way the shots were edited was funky af, it didn’t detract from the actual outfits, and if we are to see the same limitations when it comes to the F/W collections being released, this is something a lot of designers and editing teams should take note of. The idiosyncratic exaggerated shapes that we see as a recurring feature of Anderon’s collections were still on show but this time round with added femininity, billowing skirts and trailing jewellery that channel the stage looks of Stevie Nicks in a way that’s modern and functional and maybe even fit for the office if you were to work in a more creative industry with a chill boss. Could also work for a coven of witches who practice meditation by bonfires in the moonlight and burn the letters of men who wronged them in some Arizonian desert, so like I said, functional! Who doesn’t like versatility? The only thing I’m not too keen on is the shoes but they’re not so bad that it affects my opinion of the collection and they look comfy I guess.

Lastly, we’ve got to talk about Jacquemus, one of the most influential names in fashion at the moment. And yes, this time round, I’m doing it: I’m buying into the hype.

This collection is gorgeousss! I can see already that a lot of the recurring elements of the show are going to be big summer trends for this year (the cut outs and strappy details on the blouses are everywhere already) even though it isn’t hot enough to have collectively decided the time to start dressing for heat is upon us yet, and that’s always a good indicator of how successful the designer was in their vision and attempts to assess the needs and wants of fashion enthusiasts; whether I’m as big a fan of his work as everyone else seems to be, there’s no denying Simon Porte Jacquemus has always excelled at this practice if the buzz around him is anything to go by. It makes sense given the last year of us all being stuck in and suppressed that a lot of us are already romanticising the summer ahead, anticipating picnics and beach days and general Theresa May running through wheat fields type shenanigans galore, in spite of how dubious an assumption it is to make that British weather will allow for this; Porte Jacquemus has very much catered to this wishful thinking and the popularity of the whole escapist “cottage core” aesthetic, sexing it up a little bit with pieces that hug the body in ways only Mugler knows how whilst being lightweight and relaxed enough to look good with windswept, sandy hair and a little dose of sunburn. I’m talking enough to give you some cutesy freckles and rosy cheeks not PSA on the importance of suncream territory, guys, what is it with those of us on the gen Z/millennial cusp not taking sun damage seriously!? Why do I have to beg so many of my friends to wear it!? Does nobody else remember those photos they’d show you in PSHE in English primary schools of burnt people’s skin under UV lights? Or is that just me being weird and only having such a vivid memory of the images because teachers told us we had to wait until year 6 to see them due they to their “graphic” nature only for my gore-loving self to be extremely underwhelmed when we finally did get that lesson? They showed us a woman giving birth in year 4 for fuck’s sake. THAT was traumatising.

Back to the actual point anyway, with just a couple of negatives, the first of which being that the pieces are very similar to those feminine looks we saw dotted about the Jacquemus menswear collection from last year that were all over fashion Twitter. In Simon Porte Jacquemus’ defence though, it makes sense that those tones and silhouettes would be revisited in a full womenswear collection for that very reason; considering they went down so well and that lockdown gave us a bit of a half-baked summer in 2020, expanding on those elements enough for a whole new collection makes good business sense. We did get some cool additions too, mainly in the form of accessories, with the hardware details on the belts similar to those included in the Givenchy collection and the abstract hair slides being standouts for me. It was all exquisite-the shoes, the jewellery, the styling, everything 10/10. My other nitpick, and I say nitpick not because it’s not important but because it’s an issue that’s hardly restricted to Jacquemus (this casting team are far from the worst offenders, Saint Laurent I’m looking at you), is that I WISH we’d see more diversity with the models. Despite what my body dysmorphia yells at me, I am small, and yet seeing all those fucking minuscule waists made me die a little inside; it’s crazy to me that in 2020 the lack of variety in body types on the runway is still such a problem.

I must have said this a million times but I don’t want to end on a negative note so let me reiterate: this collection was STUN. NING. Plus there were some others I’ve talked about in this post that I’m sure will make it into my top 20 in the final part, Jacquemus, Dion Lee and Etro for sure; we even got some gorgeous pieces from Maria Grazia which I thought was a sentence I’d never type out. Have I said enough to not leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who read to the end of this post? I hope so, lol! TBH, it’s impressive given everything that’s going on that the majority of designers did roll out collections in September as usual so serious respect to them and their design teams for that.

In the next post, I’ll fingers crossed be able to include everything from Kim Shui (exciting!) through to at least Off-White (actually pretty good this time?!) and make this whole thing a 4 parter before getting straight on top of the photo posts I’m thinking about doing for the time being for the F/W21 shows. So as usual, if you did read to the end thank you so much and I respect the perseverance you must have to get through all my rambling, lmao. Hope everyone is well and coping okay and again, my inbox is always open for any post suggestions, constructive criticism, or just a chat for anyone who needs a listening ear.

Big love and thank you again!

Lauren x

[phoebehalliwell]

Phoebe/Coop au where, instead of Spencer Ricks (which was a gross storyline and I can't believe they did it once, let alone twice), Phoebe gets into an advice-off with a mysterious new columnist whose advice is neck and neck with hers and she hates it. He calls himself something silly, like The Love Doctor, or Stupid Cupid, some name that people just love, and she hates that, too.

RIVALS TO LOVERS PHOEBE X COOP????? god the vibe. it’s be like the leslie/phoebe thing only like. well written (hopefully lmao). bc like. u know phoebe would be bitching about this about this guy constantly. and piper and paige would be like uh huh. yeah. yeah uh huh. yep. yeah totally. yeah. uh huh. hey have you ever considered that- no, yeah, uh huh. but like- yeah. uh huh. yeah, totally. uh huh. and phoebe’s totally viewing coop as My Arch Nemesis The One Thing Standing Between Me And Glory and coop sees phoebe as Wow She’s So Cool And Such A Great Writer I’m So Glad We’re Acquaintances. and then like,, in a modern au, elise devises some grand plan to appeal to them youths or whatever with like a podcast like a I Left My Heart in San Francisco: Two Local Columnists Offer Two Different Takes on Loss, Love, & Life and like phoebe’s constantly determined to like one up coop like she is consistently raising the bar giving top notch advice and coop keeps meeting her at her level and it’s driving her insane and at this point coop’s well aware what he’s doing and he’s not gonna stop bc it’s like he’ll give some like tender, soulful advice about being vulnerable and respecting your partner and phoebe just looks at him like he’s proposed actively capturing seabirds for the sole purpose of covering them in oil and he thinks it’s hilarious. because he knows she like needs to be the best advice columnist love guru in town and he knows she’s infuriated that he’s giving her a run for her money and he knows she has no idea she’s going toe to toe with an actual real life cupid and he knows that when she thinks he isn’t paying attention, she actually smiles at his advice and stupid little jokes. oh and all these lil genzennials with their dumb little love podcast totally start shipping them together and they’ll send in questions to the podcast like dear phoebe & coop: i think i’m in love with the cohost of my podcast. how can i tell if they feel the same way? and elise sees this question and immediately bumps it up to the top of the queue and phoebe sees it and like almost threatens to walk like elise this is clearly a gimmick this is just some dumb prank i can’t believe you’re actually feeding into this bc like it’s obvious like coop and i hate each other so i don’t even know why this would even be like a thing like it’s so ridiculous who would even who would even like you know even think- and elise would be like okay first off this whole this is a gimmick obvi so jot that down secondly how do you know this isn’t a real issue someone has hmm would you really just deny somebody advice just because they are in a situation similar to yours. third. many of us women out there wish we could find someone who ““hates”” us in the way you and coop. obviously. do. and phoebe’s all like ohhhh i am so not I Am So Not Doing you don’t think i’ll walk huh you think you’ve just got me in your little pocket well i am willing and Ready To leave right now your gonna watch my ass walk right out that door just you wait SMASH CUT TO: (podcast voice) so i think the best thing to do in the situation is remember that you are both in a professional setting, and that what chemistry some might think you have might be performances, augmented for the audience. and coop goes on to take the exact opposite stance and he’s smiling his stupid smile at phoebe the whole time and she tries glaring back but she can’t bc like fuck he’s really cute and charming and her mouth keeps twitching up in the corners which only like makes coop smile more so phoebe like has to divert her attention to her phone and she’s texting piper like can i vanquish my cohost? and piper’s like id prefer it if u didn’t and then afterwards coop’s like hey can we talk you know like blah blah blah i don’t want to make u feel uncomfortable blah blah blah if you don’t wanna do the podcast anymore like- and paige orbs in and phoebe’s like whoops gotta go family emergency bye!!!!!!!! and then paige is like idk demon!! blah blah blah and like paige has the vanquishing potions and phoebe’s scrying and she’s talking about coop the whole time and paige is like okay but like demon vanquish and phoebe gets a read and it’s still like the bay mirror and she’s like ohmygod it’s coop it has to be i knew he was evil and paige is like let me see that so they orb back to the bay mirror and phoebe’s like all suspicious and paige is like all confused and they don’t see any telltale signs and paige is like give me that and like scrys and gets like idk alameda so paige is like okay we’re going there and they go there and there’s the demon and they vanquish it woohoo but then phoebe’s like but no coops suspicious bc like why when i was scrying earlier did it give my the bay mirror and paige is like idk maybe bc you were scrying with your heart instead of your head and phoebe’s like !!! what is that supposed to mean?? and paige is like dear phoebe & coop: my sister is hopelessly in love with her podcast cohost / rival, but still pretends like she hates him. how do i tell her that this little act is driving me up the wall????? and phoebe’s like oh my god you’re unbelievable you’re way off base you’re totally out of line and piper’s like hi please don’t make me dust off my middle child boots again what’s going on and phoebe’s paige is Accusing me of being in love with coop and paige is like yeah! because it’s true! and phoebe’s like oh did you cast a power swapping spell without me knowing because last time i checked i was the empath here!! and piper’s like oh boy. okay. paige, go cool off can u check on wyatt at magic school phoebe paige is right and paige sticks out her tongue at phoebe and orbs out and phoebe’s like !!!! and piper’s like acht! and phoebe’s like but!!!! and piper’s like acht! and phoebe’s like >:( and piper’s like look you’ve been burned in the past i get it we’ve all been hurt before but phoebe love is your strength it’s your greatest power and you can’t run from it and phoebe’s like i’m not running from it! and piper just like looks at her and phoebe’s like okay maybe i’m running from it a little but- and piper looks at her and phoebe’s like yeah :/ and piper gives her a hug and like sisterly advice and phoebe and coop are married like within a year it’s a really cute local event the chronicle tweeted about it.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[mindurance-blog]

Welcome to Mindurance

It was February 2019. I was standing with my buddy Brett in the kitchen of a house he and his family rented in Longboat Key, Florida. We were having a beer getting ready to go grab dinner. We were reminiscing, laughing a bit, and talking work. It was at this time that he said the following:

“Ya know Steve, I get what you do as a counseling and sport performance psychologist. I kinda wish I would have chatted with someone when I was playing baseball in college. It would have been nice to just call someone occasionally, even if just for a couple minutes. But instead, you had to call ahead for an appointment, go to an office, fill out a bunch of paperwork, and make it a big deal. I would have just wanted to call someone occasionally and quickly to talk some shit out.”

It was at that moment where I realized something had to be done. But first, a bit of context. I am Steve Graef. Founder and Owner of Mindurance. I am also a board certified and licensed Counseling Psychologist with a specialization in sport and performance psychology, as well as a former collegiate football player at The Ohio State University. So, I have spent my life devoted to the learning and application of psychological theory and practice, and have a fairly decent understanding of the bi-directional impact that “œmental health” can have on sport and performance and vice versa. I also understand how mental health can be appropriately managed and I understand, and have personally experienced, what can happen when it is not. And I know the pros and cons associated with both traditional and modern methods of assessing, diagnosing, and managing psychological concerns.

As a result, when my friend disclosed his thoughts, I couldn’t disagree. I too have felt for a little while that there was something amiss about the field. That somehow in the process of raising awareness and necessity around mental health care we have instead become hypersensitive to it and have overemphasized the possibility of being one of those people that develop advanced depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. In doing so, we may have left the larger majority of the population out of the discussion and perhaps further ostracized them into thinking that “they’re not depressed enough or anxious enough or fucked up enough” to warrant help for these things that people are now talking about. A few statistics. According to National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) approximately 20% of American adults will experience a psychological illness over the next year. Further, it is estimated that we have a 50% chance of experiencing some mental illness by the time we are 75 years of age. So though those statistics represent millions of people and is not something we want to ignore, let us realize that those numbers also show that the majority of us will be mostly psychologically well during the next year, and likely the rest of our lives. So, let it be stated that the MAJORITY...yes the MAJORITY of individuals do not have and likely will not have a severe psychological disorder. However, EVERYONE experiences stress that could better be managed and wish to do life a little bit better than they currently are. This majority is the population that Mindurance aims to address. Why? Well, its the majority. It’s also preventive. Assuming there is no genetic predisposition for severe mental illness, the majority of us will be predominantly mentally well as long as we take care of ourselves. Take care of ourselves physically, nutritionally, socially, spiritually, and yes mentally. And what does taking care of ourselves involve? Well, for the minority, it is in-depth intense psychological treatment. Deep diving into years of trauma or attempting to use frequent counseling, latest medications or technological advances to manage intense, frequent, and highly disruptive psychological symptoms. However, for most people, it involves basic stress management, talking things out, brainstorming ideas, learning new tactics, getting better sleep. These simple, non-serious approaches can be enough to manage stress (hence reducing the likelihood of having worsened mental health) and enhance the performance of and productivity towards our life pursuits. So I repeat, for the majority of us, our mental health is not super serious in nature, but it is important. Much like blood pressure. Blood pressure is important. Many of us have fine blood pressure. But if we eat like shit, stop exercising, and overwork ourselves, our blood pressure will get out of hand. However, simple tactics can keep most of our blood pressure within fairly healthy limits. 

Let’s consider a change. The current model of counseling is based on an outdated premise. Going back to Freud’s Psychoanalysis, it was assumed that you went to see an analyst (psychologist) when something was wrong with you and to correct any dis-ease that was prominent in your life. Despite counseling psychology appropriately evolving theories of change and realizing that people can also be psychologically-well, the infrastructure of the counseling endeavor remains the same. Drive to an office. Sit in the waiting room. Fill out the paperwork. Go in the room. Close the door. Give your entire history. To the person with the credentials. Fill the full hour. Pay the receptionist. Schedule for next week. Try to leave unrecognized. Rinse and repeat. Now again, this model isn’t awful. But it isn’t for everyone. And it doesn’t need to be. It doesn’t have to be. It shouldn’t be.

How about this? What if you could go to a website that had a bunch of specific information addressing your particular needs or concerns. You could do your own reading, listening, or studying on the topic(s) of your choice like sports performance enhancement articles and mental health awareness videos. This “self-help” might just give you the insight necessary to manage whatever stress you have going on or help positively influence the mental component of your particular performance activity. So far so good? Cool. Well maybe that doesn’t quite cut it for you. You want a little additional accountability. Maybe you just like talking things out so they make more sense to you. Maybe you do like the idea of chatting with someone that knows a lot about your particular concerns or have answers to the questions that you seek. Though, admittedly, you don’t want to drive anywhere extra. You’re not sure if you want to commit to the full hour. You certainly don’t want to wait 3 weeks to talk to someone. You also, likely, don’t want to be “forced” to see a practitioner you don’t vibe with solely because they are the only person in town. What if instead you had choice? You didn’t have to drive anywhere. You didn’t have to commit to lengthy sessions. You didn’t have to tell your entire life story on a document that people might not even read. What if you could call who you want...when you want..from where you want....for as long as you want...to get the support you want. That is what Mindurance Now offers. You can search and find the provider that works for you. That fits in your budget. That knows your sport or dance or job. That is available when you are. Now imagine calling them and paying for each minute you use, rather than feeling compelled to fill an hour that you might not have had in the first place. Choice indeed. Now suppose you value community. You would love to eventually meet your provider. Interact with like minded performers. Receive more intensive training at premier locations. Well Mindurance Live offers a re-thinking and tooling of how such interaction and development can occur. Intrigued?? Well you came to the right place.

So almost one year ago, thanks to that conversation, I decided to supplement the field of sport and performance psychology by offering a set of products and services that help athletes, performing artists, and professionals manage stress and enhance performance. This is what Mindurance does. It isn’t meant to take away from the important, necessary, and traditional models of care that already exist. But it is meant to offer something new, something unique, and something relevant to that majority of the population outside of the 20%, that still have questions that need answered, behaviors that need changed, stress that needs managed, performance that needs enhanced, and concerns that need heard. If that’s you, welcome to the movement, let’s have a conversation.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 1X121 - An Apple Red as Blood

This title giving anyone an “Into the Woods” vibe?

No? Just me? Okay. Well, we’re twenty-one episodes in. You you what to do if you want to read my thoughts.

General Thoughts Past There’s not a ton to say about the storyline here. It’s incredibly simple, but also incredibly fun with a LOTR-style fight and a super dramatic confrontation between Snow and Regina. However, I do want to point out the great show of the community Snow has built around herself over the course of the season as demonstrated throughout the flashback. Until the climax of the episode, Snow is never without her supportive group of friends. Through the way they talk to each other and fight, we see their cooperation and just how much they care for each other. We get to see Snow as a ruler, but now one who has fully embraced the kindness and willingness to accept love within herself and from others. Present So a big part of this and the last episode (Enforced by Henry, Mary Margaret, and August’s speeches) was that Emma needed to help not just Henry, but everyone in Storybrooke get their happy endings. However, this isn’t something that enforced by the narrative. Emma’s actions through this episode are done with only Henry’s well being in mind and while she’s making the wrong decision as to whether to stay or leave, that’s only a matter revolving around Henry (enforced by the ending). I wouldn’t have minded a narrative solely based off of Henry, but for this to be a major point brought up by two of Emma’s closest companions and for their not to be any effects of Emma’s looming departure (Other than the worsening of August’s condition and an admittedly AMAZING scene between Emma and Mary Margaret) serves as a disservice to the narrative. They try to bring it back at the end of the episode after abandoning it for a while by having Emma bring up that all of her actions have hurt others, but I can’t help but feel that it rings a little hollow.

I wish that as a counterpoint to the past, Emma’s community would’ve played a bigger part in this episode as it pertains to her. It was set up well enough through the fantastic dream sequence, and thankfully, we get a bit more of it in Seasons 2 and 3, but that crowd rallies more around Snow and Chraming and this was the only chance to have a group rally around Emma. Again, if they just wanted to focus on the story in this episode revolving around Henry, that’s fine, but there was this buildup between this and the last episode that this conflict was more than just about Henry and Emma would need to look at it that way and it just didn’t deliver.

On the more positive side (And believe me, I genuinely liked the present sequence), I loved Regina in this episode. I feel like this was one of the best portrayals of Regina as a sympathetic villain thus far. Seeing her dream sequence gave a both funny and sad way that her mind works. We get to see Snow, Charming, and Emma overact, giving us insight into what she thinks of them, and at the same time, the uncomfortable dinner with Henry and his joy at the thought of torturing her after the curse. It’s so sad that this is what she believes her relationship with Henry has devolved to, and it makes me happier to see that the two of them grow beyond this with respect to Henry. Henry’s feeling on Regina are never positive in this first season, and I’ll talk about this in my review of “Broken,” but he’d never want to really hurt her, and that says so much about his character. Insights -I think that’s corn beef Regina and Henry are eating, and it looks so good! ...I needed something to distract from the utter creepiness that was that dinner. Also, Regina, don’t eat with your mouth full! -I am dying from this opening scene! It’s so beautifully, majestically over-the-top and I live for it! I know it’s supposed to be serious, and when taking it serious, it’s an equally beautifully creepy scene that gives such a unique thing of having the villain dream, but oh my Merlin it is so much fun to crack up at the hamminess of it all! -I’m pretty bummed to see that the nuance surrounding King George was just abandoned here, exchanged for making him a simple villain. -”Perhaps it’s your fertilizer.” Gold, you beautiful bastard. On a side note, this is my favorite suit of Rumple’s this season. Red and black are just his colors. -Very interesting insight into Gold. Gold could’ve killed Emma at any time after she arrived in order for the curse to be broken, but he never did. That could be contributed to so much. (1) He just didn’t want to kill her, starting off in this world on the right foot for Bae. (2) He didn’t want the curse broken before he could get his magic back. (3) He was unsure of the repercussions of the schematics of the curse breaking through Emma’s death and wanted to avoid that possibility. For me, it’s a combination of all of them, but probably the second one the most. -I love seeing Snow large and in charge of her people. She has the warmth and kindness so closely knit with this character with the weight to her words the likes of which Dumbledore would shrink at (I guess I have HP on the mind). -I said this before and I’ll say it again. *ahem* Jefferson? Jeffie? YOU DON’T HAVE TWO LIVES! REGINA KEPT YOUR MEMORIES INTACT WHEN YOU CAME HERE! Fuck! It would be one thing if we heard about another life that he lead, but we didn’t. He was just a crazy guy who lived in a mansion! I have a couple problems with Jefferson’s presence in the finale, and this one just irks me. -How much control does Regina have over the memories of others? Thankfully, it wasn’t something that needed to be dwelled on since there was no one she wanted to wake up during the curse’s run, but it’s pretty interesting to think about all the same. -This battle is just really cool! We get to see the strength of Snow’s army and just how powerful and supportive they all are of each other! And the music is so cool, particularly the strings! Also, Keegan’s war cries make me laugh so hard! I think people underestimate how great things are when they’re hammy, and a bunch of multi-colored fireflies giving war cries and throwing dust makes for a scene that is hammier than a bacon convention. -August and Henry had the best conversation. Damn, I’m really going to miss these two together! -Hold the front door! If Snow didn’t know that Regina blamed her for Daniel’s death and the true circumstances behind it, then why did Snow say that she knew why Regina hated her in the “Snow Falls” flashback? -”Dreams formed of your own regrets.” I wish we had seen that. What would Snow’s regrets for that time in her life have looked like? That could’ve made for a really avant-garde “Five People You Meet in Heaven” esque flashback where Snow thinks about a bunch of the people from her life (Regina, Charming, her parents, the dwarfs) during the time that she was under the sleeping curse. -Emma’s red jacket looks the best above a black shirt. -There’s a great contrast to how both Emma and Regina react to circumstances using the best of their knowledge, and both come from fascinating places. Archie’s right in how Regina’s moves are more defensive, but they’re defensively offensive. Her moves are made to protect her way of life, but they intend to and do succeed in scarring worse than anything Emma’s done. And Emma’s moves have more directly flown in the face of Regina’s wishes and require more outright initiative on her part, but her moves take into consideration Henry and everyone else’s feelings as she’s performing them. Arcs Emma’s journey of belief - It’s interesting that in this episode, we get kind of a crackdown. Emma has been building up an illusion - sort of. She’s been considering herself the hero, and that’s right, but with the knowledge at her disposal, she’s also seeing the harm she’s done to Henry and Regina. This causes any faith that she has built up to be if not gone, then repressed. It’s an interesting turn that doesn’t invalidate her progress, but lets her reach her lowest moment in a clever way. Favorite Dynamic Emma and Mary Margaret. Earlier, I briefly touched upon their amazing scene, but let’s take a closer look because all of the things I love about their dynamic in this episode come from it. I feel like this was expertly given as the point of culmination for these two given the straight up business of the next episode. Here, it got the time, attention, and characterization needed to show this bond. We see how much Mary Margaret has transformed. As Albus Dumbledore once said, “it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your friends.” I think this line perfectly speaks to Mary Margaret and her journey here. Mary Margaret has had to learn this lesson the hard way. She had to get mad and actually show that anger towards both David and - in this scene - Emma. And considering where we saw her start off, that’s hard to do. And yet she did. And Emma is genuinely affected by this encounter, as she goes to Archie afterwards to see fairly where both she and Henry are at from an unbiased POV. Her approach has become calmer as a direct result of being friends with Mary Margaret. Writer It’s our final episode of the season for Jane and David! Their writing was especially solid and dramatic here. While I take issue with some of the story and plot elements they used, it doesn’t take away a lot from the really nice stories they told here. Rating 8/10. As I said before, I had some trouble with the initial buildup for this episode. However, when the episode finally decided to stick with the story being about the feud over Henry (Which wasn’t too late in the game, thankfully), the story became incredibly tight. Additionally, all throughout, we saw great insights into our mains and a frankly just fun battle in the Enchanted Forest that culminated in some beautiful scenes. Flip My Ship Swan Queen - “I didn’t come for dinner. I came for...you.” In another universe, this is a sex scene waiting to happen! “We all did.” And theeeere’s the orgy! Also, the few seconds of Emma approaching Regina’s door later on in the episode mixed with Regina baking looks like the two are gearing up for a super cute date, ESPECIALLY when you mix in the first few lines they speak to each other! Snowing - The crescendo of the Snowing theme as Snow eats the apple and both she and Charming feel it is one of the best moments in the entire series for them. There’s also the beautiful mirror scene. It just speaks to how well these two are developed that these little moments together in between and within bouts of separation can mean so much for both the audience and them.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Woohoo!!! We’re almost at the end of Season 1!!! Will it be just as amazing as I remember? I damn well hope so! I hope you come back and give it a read!

Thanks again to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting the project together and to all of you who stopped by and gave this a read. I know this wasn’t my longest one, but this week was a bit difficult for one reason or another, so thank you for understanding. 

Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (50/70) Liz Tigelaar (17/20)* David Goodman (41/50)* Jane Espenson (54/60)* Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (38/40)* Daniel Thomsen (8/10)* Vladimir Kvetko (9/10)* (* = Their work for the season is complete)

Tags: ouat, once upon a time, watching fairytales, ouat episode code, ouat rewatch, jenna watches ouat, ships mentioned

Operation Rewatch Archives

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE NINE: “NOW THINGS ARE GETTING MESSIER” - JAKE

So full disclosure, this is the first time i've ever really betrayed a close ally in TS and it feels bad ???? IDK i'm not used to being the bad guy. Honestly, say what you want but Chris' blood is all over my hands. I'm the one who went around telling people that Chris/Malik/Dennis were close and I am the one who was there for the villains as their extra number. I'm not relying on my physical game this season and it's a way different vibe..... should make for an interesting game moving forward

Well, at last nights tribal Chris went home 5-4-3. I was not shocked, I knew that would happen. I also knew that by taking part in that I was pretty much cutting my ties with Dennis and Malik. Malik seems really mad at me, which yeah I get but also I think it wouldn't have been smart to tell him. I needed to show my loyalty to the villains; most of whom do not trust him. I think I've gotten in close enough with the people that have sway in this game (minus Jake) to do some damage moving forward. I am taking this all one day at a time at this point.

WHEW SOOOOOOO the first merge vote happened...I feel like the devil but I look good in red so hehe. BASICALLY I was able to get everyone to target Chris instead of one of the Armonia heroes which was high key about to happen. Both Matt and Nicklas wanted Ned gone and Ned is a ride or die for me so they really thought. Unfortunately it meant the only way I could get the target on Chris was by exposing his idol, because I couldn’t without it. So I told Ned to tell Sarah knowing Sarah would tell The Huntresses. What I did not expect to happen was for her to tell me first and IMMEDIATELY after Ned told her. I think she really trusts me???? Am I starting to trust her???? Do girls really run the world???? So anyways Sarah and I devise a plan to split the vote between Chris and someone else, Matt and Sarah push for Malik and I really wanted to fight it. Not because I wanted to save Malik, fuck him to the fuckteenth degree. But I would have really loved to NOT split the vote against the two only black people on the tribe (now we said it.gif). But standing up for Malik puts a target on OG Armonia and at the end of the day Malik has proven he doesn’t want to work with me so forget you, go home, good bye. I just feel so bad for Chris because I’m the reason he was the target...but it was the best move for me and I don’t care how nice you are, I will always do what I need to, to win. That’s why I’m a villain, that’s why I’m a two time winner, and that’s unfortunately why Chris is the merge boot. Now looking at the merge and my relationships, Ned and I are better than ever. We had another heart to heart and he’s such a stand up guy, I’ve grown to care for him alot in the game. Because of that I can’t betray him at this point, but it’s nice because I don’t think I need to. His inactivity reminds me a lot of L’Shei. A smart loyal ally who only really talks to me...that’s not a bad deal when it comes time to who you vote for at the end. And I’m trying to get him to push his relationship with Sarah and get close to her, so that she will protect him and I won’t have to reveal how close I am to him. Plus with Sarah and I getting closer, I could see us goils going really far together. The only wrench in that is Nicklas knows I was a part of a plan to take her out, so Nicklas continues to be a threat to my game. I want him out faster than a queer in college. BUTTTT it’s hard because he’s tight af with Jake. If I look at the threats to me winning objectively, it’s Nicklas, Jake and Kurt…Nicklas and Jake because they are smart enough to know they need to take me out. Kurt because he’s so likable, he hasn’t pissed anyone off (because I’m doing that for us), and he’s enough of a gamer. Like if Kurt wins against me it’s earned, if I win against Kurt it’s earned, our games are pretty tight. I have no issue getting rid of Nicklas, I have no issue getting rid of Jake when I need to because I know he’ll do the same, I don’t know if I can take Kurt out...I really don’t....I would feel like the worst human on earth. Last time I played I knew there was no way I could win, but this time I want that third crown. The question towards the end of the game is going to be: how fucking much bitch...how fucking much.

*a little bit lateR*

I know that now that i'm not winning immunity FLAKJDS that I need to protect myself. As much as I DESPISE Malik, I know it’s smart to get him on my side right now because he has no one and is desperate...and y'all know how I love desperation hehe, it's a delicious meal with a side of unyielding loyalty. He wants to get an alliance going but I'm telling him that's impossible because of everyone's intertwining connections and the best thing to do is to keep our allegiance to each other a secret so we can keep each other safe from our opposing sides. This is necessary because if people want to make a move against me, they are going to think Malik is an easy number to do that with, so they are going to go to him to make the move, and then he's going to come to me. Covering my bases and this thicc ass. I’m also not going to tell Jake about this, point blank and the period I don’t trust him right now and I need to play him like I did Sid in Tonga, wait for him to start the foundation of a move against me not realizing I got bear traps all along his route. I’m not sure what this next vote is, all I know is I need to keep Malik protected without people thinking Armonia is getting the band back together. Right now my three biggest targets are Nicklas/Dennis/Andreas because I have no relationship with them and I have a relationship with everyone else. I don’t know how to get the vote on one of them because they all have deep connections in the game, but I need to think of something and soon because if not, an Armonia person is leaving and that hurts my game drastically. If I could get the vote on Chris when it was supposed to be Malik or Ned...I can do it again. Also catch my fake ass talking about destroying tribe lines at tribal council KFLJASD

Wow so tribal went very smooth, like butter. Chris is gone, his idol is gone, his kindness is gone, we have no room for any of that here. This is a villains season. And this is great because I’m like “villains strong omg guys” but in the back of my mind I know these shady motherfuckers are gonna start plotting, it’s inevitable. I’d be naive to think otherwise. The only problem with this vote was that it involved lying to Malik which is literally what I’ve been doing this entire game, but this time it’s more direct. It will be exposed and for the first time I risked burning that bridge with him entirely. Luckily he is very easy to manipulate and I feel like after literally two paragraphs and some guilt trips later (because he didn’t include me in on how he was voting, oh boohoo poor me), he was back in my pocket. God I love being evil and beautiful.

I sucked at immunity, which is great! I do not want to come off as a comp threat and give anyone any reason to come at me. I know that sounds like bullshit and it’s like “come on, one immunity won’t kill”. See, I entirely agree, but I want people to underestimate me and consider me weak, at least until f8. The other issue is that I actually already won an immunity this season, pre merge, but it was still individual immunity. I don’t want to rack up wins quite yet. If people think I’m easy to beat, at least comp wise, I have no issue with them keeping me around for that sole reason.

Last night was not good for me!! Once again no one was chatting, while Sarah was keeping me up to date on whats happening in the villains and huntresses groups. THEN Nicklas comes at me from left field and tells me that people know me and Sarah are close friends which was inevitable but I think puts a huge target on me. I took a big risk last round turning on the heroes and if the villains aren't willing to work with me right now I might be in a tangly spot.

Also okay so Andreas did some sleuthing and found some stuff.... SO I was on the wiki and saw this random account edited the Santorini page? So I was curious and clicked on the profile, and it turns out to be Sharifa. Cool enough. SO THEN i see she's active on this 'Survivor: Side Seasons' wiki ???? So once again im curious, I click on it. She made her first edit on this wiki in 4 years on Feb 19th, 4 days after the game began. She removed herself as listed as a host from a season, and turns out that kurt and matt both played in this season. Interesting and also questionable.

Sry I haven’t confused in a hot minute. Okay so we merged and right off the bat it was a little messy between sharifa and nicklas because I’m trying hard to get them to trust each other but sharifa thinks that Nicklas is too smart and will clock us. Tbh at this point I think it’s a lost cause. At the beginning of merge, Kurt tells me that lukas told him that ned told his last tribe that I wanted him to be Ammonia strong, and then Nicklas confirmed that to me and that everyone on his old tribe knows. So I blew up on Ned, who tells me that he told Malik who told Chris and Dennis because they’re close and that he’s really sorry about it. So was kinda annoyed that he was barely on but had time to accidentally almost ruin my game! So the votes happening and all of a sudden the villains chat is working together? Like oh? Someone found out that Chris has an idol and I am fully onboard to target his trio. We decide to split the votes between Chris and Malik and Chris goes. Now things are getting MESSIER. Someone told Sarah that sharifa has been saying her and andreas are friends which is a yikes. I only ever told Nicklas that but never mentioned sharifa saying it. I was hoping for an Andreas blindside because he has connections and is close to Sarah who has an idol, but clearly we got RATS on this island. (Eyes Lukas) Soooo things are probably going to be messy af tonight but I would like to work with Dennis to make a move since he tried building a bridge w me yesterday, but I also know he did it to multiple people so it might not be truly beneficial to me... whatever we’ll see!

Honestly sharifa thinking ned is loyal to her is so funny He told me about chris’s idol and he told sharifa and she be like omg ned pls tell sarah this so we can both know Bitch i already knew bc andreas/ned/I are close af Anyways, nick is starting to say that were close and we just merged so i really dont need that shit so im trying to convince sharifa and the others that he needs to GO matt is awol again so we really need to sort thay shit out. Im in a villains alliance but i want to be the first person to switch on it bc ned/andreas are heroes and i cant have the villains just completely demolishing them bc thats ugly Anyways its so fucking hard protecting them when im in an alliance with CRAZIES

So villains have agreed unanimously again that we’re going to pick off another hero, and because Ned and Andreas proved last tribal that they were willing to work with us, we decided to spare those two. That means once again the vote came down to Malik and Dennis. Sarah and Nicklas were both very outspoken to multiple people that they didn’t want to vote Dennis, which definitely raised some red flags. Why lobby to keep Dennis if you’re not aligned with him and Malik is the perfect goat? It was just very suspicious. ANYWAYS, we convinced Sarah to vote Dennis due to Lukas and I using the logic that Dennis is a much smarter player and it’s dangerous to keep him in, and of course if sarah did have something going with Dennis or any reason to keep him, she sure as shit wasn’t going to fight logic in the villains alliance chat. That would expose her. And she only does well at blowing her shit up behind the scenes, not in the open. So basically where I’m getting at with this is that the vote is going to Dennis by the looks of it.

I realized I won’t give these people the satisfaction of seeing me upset if I leave. It’s not even with the energy or to see them smile and laugh like they accomplished something in their life. Imma just do what I usually do these days is laugh it off and wish everyone the best of luck. Because that’s what a true player does.

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #1- “I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!!”- Gwen

Here is what I wanna say before the game even starts: I want to be the villain of this season. I wanna piss people off, stab people in the back, and do whatever I can to ruin other people's games. In all honesty, I don't really care about winning or not, as long as I have fun while doing it. The goal is to be like Russel Hantz or Tyson. I picked Tommy as my icon for the irony, because everyone else will associate me with his kindness before I stab them in the back. 

I'm looking forward to this game! So glad it's with a bunch of newbies, I was worried it'd end up being a half and half deal and that's the format I've been completely fucked over by in the past, so fingers crossed without jinxing myself I can thrive here! I'll do a proper cast assessment of my tribe in the morning when I've spoken to more people and gotten a better feel for them, but I already love Gwen and she's definitely somebody I can see myself working with. I need to rewatch the introductions as well since there's so many videos.. obviously missed the memo about that myself oops! 

feeling really good on day one so far. the tribe seem great and im already keeping my eye out for a few i wanna work with . we wil just see what happens after the immunity challenge .

I don’t even know yet. Kinda hard to judge who is friends with who. i’m supposed to ge your tawni for my idol thing but that’s not gonna happen bc she’s the only one i KNOW

Sweet fishsticks on ice, what a night! I talked to everyone on the tribe and they are awesome! My goal is to use today to try and get to know everyone more and make them comfortable. I'd say ai definitely do vibe with a few people, namely Gwen, AnnMarie, Rizo, and Liam but I like to keep my options like the oceans- open

Something funny took place! I talked to Gwen who said she wanted to work with essentially me, Rizo, AnnMarie, Sara, and Liam. No more than 2-3 minutes after, Rizo messages me with more sorta the same proposal. Dont get me wrong I am for this, but I will say it was pretty telling to me of the ones I may have to keep my eyes on!

Marooning Night: Everything’s looking solid so far. Tribe seems to be shaping up nicely and I’m making some good connections with people. Hopefully we can be competitive in challenges. I’ve connected with AnnMarie through band, Sara through zwooper, Rizo through sports, and Tim right off the bat through not mowing what we were doing :)  I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Kyle yet, but from his video I gleaned that we are both big husker fans and that we were both at the Nebraska Iowa game, so there should be a good connection there. There is one thing that makes me a little nervous though. I looked through the cast reveal and I am the youngest person on the cast. I know that’s doomed the game of some survivor players, and I’m not sure how much that will affect this game. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Well I love everyone. So friendly! I have a lot in common with everyone and it's so exciting. I enjoyed meeting everyone, but the game part of the game came quickly behind. It seems that a group is developing with me, rizo, liam, chris, and gwen. I'm glad that Ive already been pulled into a group, it makes me feel comfortable. But I have to be careful. It is only the first round. I'm worried about my inactivity and that affecting challenges. I gotta wakeup at 5 am for school, so going to bed at midnight may not be the best. Hopefully no one notices.

Morning Day 1: What the hell. You’ve got to be kidding me. This sucks. Why does this have to be the twist in my first season. We have to get THREE players voted out of the game before we can get an idol, and then if we keep playing them right we can get up to three straight. We got our target list, and of course, I got AnnMarie, Tim and Sara. Three of the people I’ve connected with the most and wanted to work with. And now, in order to have a chance at the first idol(s), all three of them have to be voted out. I don’t think I’m going to try for that idol very hard, at least not until we get new target lists, cause I want to work with those people.

Right now I could see three possibilities for first boot. Cheatham and Zach haven't been that active, and then Will just makes me feel so uncomfortable that I sort of want to vote him out right now. But not in a "hey lets throw the challenge to vote him out" way bc he won't be playing so it might be unfair based solely on that. Austin is cool but a little inactive so far, he seems decidedly average. Tawny hasn't spoken to me yet :( but still she spoke a lot in our call so if I were to target her based off that it could only end poorly. Noah is cool, I get the feeling he is going to overplay tremendously, so maybe I'd like to have him as my number one. Amy and Dylan are great as well, and I would also love to work with them if I can. Ideal alliance so far would be me, Amy, Austin, Dylan, Noah so far. But only if I'm not the guy who organizes it singlehandedly

What’s on my right now is that I am very comfortable with where I am in the game, I have already made connections with a few people and I am very confident I will be staying in this game for a while. To talk about this twist let me quote Debbie and say “AND IM PISSED” I can’t even do this twist because I’m working with somebody on my list and I don’t want them gone.

What’s on my mind is that The Cock Destroyer alliance will hopefully run the tribe, my main objective is to not get the weak people gone first since I wanna drag them alone like a sack of meet so one of my main targets for now is Dylan because I’m gonna be honest I don’t trust the guy and he gotta go, PERIOD!

Noah/Amy/Dylan/Zach/me alliance sounds fun lets do it Will/Austin/Tawni all have decent connections just not with me Cheatham is looking like a first boot candidate rn bc no one's mentioning him as someone they like, so hopefully I'll be ok for at least one tribal if we lose the challenge

Holy guacamole, I went from feeling like we were Hopeless in Seattle to being D2 the Mighty Ducks. Being able to find the right door first is a huge relief but I have to gio my hat off to my entire tribe because we make a great team and Gwen rocked this!

So it's been less than 24 hours and I've spoken to everyone. Right now, I just want to get everyone to like me because that will make them want to work with me. My targets are Will, Dylan and Cheatham. Right now, I just want to isolate them, or form a majority alliance without them, because that will make my game much easier.

Uh oh. Since I have high school I wasn't able to be active all day for this (kinda confusing) challenge. I'm really hoping that this isn't going to put too big of a target on my back. My target right now is Dylan. He's one of my targets, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of his, judging by the fact that he never responded to me when I said I wanted to work with him.

Alliance time! I just made an alliance with everyone except the 3 on my target list. This is exactly how I planned. I think I redeemed myself after not really doing much in the challenge, and I'm already playing harder than the others. The fact that I created the alliance will make the people in it feel good too because now they will think I really trust them. Anyway, if all goes to plan we can eliminate one of my three targets (Cheatham, Will, Dylan) and slowly get each of them out until I get my idol.

So the alliance is me, Will, Vincent, Amy, Austin and Tawni. I got Amy to give one of the other three as a name so I didn't have to seem too vocal, and she said Cheatham which makes me home that he is gone first. But unless plans change, I'll have 1/3 targets gone, leaving Will and Dylan as my next 2 to go. I'm sorry, but this is just lining up way too easily for me.

I am so happy we won! Man talk about comeback! I think this is going to help push stuff in the right directions for sure! Rizo and I may have a pair going on but we're talking about creating a 4some (me, him, Gwen, and Sara) and maybe that can lead to a majority chat with the others. I do know I want to keep my options open without forgetting the opportunities that will soon be closed

I’m a little pissed off, so my plan was to get rid of Dylan but my so called alliance memebers are like DONT VOTEEEE DYLANNNWNWNWN, because Zach decided to think he was being clever by trying to make an alliance which excluded me but little does his tiny brain know that his ass is grass and he’s going to be waddling out of tribal. Noah said why do I wanna make big moves round 1 and simply I just wanted Dylan out because I have a big feeling he’s untrustworthy PERIOD.

I feel like as it’s the first round I’ll do a little mini tribe assessment. cheatham - only one I know coming into this so obviously gonna stick with him. Noah - he’s more cracked than the love child of JJ and Keaton Dylan - seems like cool people. I enjoy a fellow Texan Vincent - who? Amy - sweet gal Will - I enjoy the accent Austin - I also enjoy the accent. I feel at home. Hate the name. It’s my ex’s name. Both of them Back to Noah - also hate the name. Name of a fuck boy from earlier this year. Zach - WHO!? Apparently cause I was like who am I forgetting. Apparently Zach. Ok but wtf is up with the “Solid Six” tf??? Making an alliance out of panic maybe? Also....cheatham thinking calling Noah sane makes it true or something??? Like honestly wtf is even going on. Like what is this fucking twist? What what that challenge and WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT ON THE FIRST VOTE JUST GET THE PERSON WHO DIDNT CONTRIBUTE TO THE CHALLENGE (so I’ve been told. Let’s be real here I still don’t understand it and I just consented my life and first born away) AND MOVE THE FUCK ON AND WIN THE NEXT ONE PLEASE BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF PARANOID FREAKS! Hi I’m tawni and welcome to stonerverse. I’m sorry I wrote that but I’m keeping it in here.

ok so we lost despite my best efforts >:( (i like writing cfs bc skype won't turn my emojis ugly here, the fact that I can read them more easily post-season is merely a bonus) The consensus is to vote out Zach, because he is easily the least active. He was the last person to really show up, still barely talked to anyone (aside from me apparently), and didn't contribute to the challenge at all. Now, I firmly believe that out of everyone in the game, Zach trusts me the most. So in a way, it would be beneficial to keep him. However, doing that would unfortunately sever my ties with other potential allies who are more likely to be useful to me, such as Noah or Austin. I did briefly try to campaign for Will leaving, and I am very sure that I could pull off a 5-4 blindside with Zach, Dylan, Noah, and maybe Amy, but that would be quite messy. Austin and Cheatham are set on the Zach train, and I have 0 relationship with Tawni, so going for those votes is unrealistic. And to be honest, the whole thing doesn't necessarily paint me in the best light, and it puts me in the spotlight I want to avoid right now. Amy - she's a good ally so far and i like talking to her, and it doesn't even seem like she's that active which doesn't make her as dangerous as some of the other players on this tribe. definitely someone worth raising hell to save. Austin - he's cool, we're together, he's active, but he's impossible to read. i cant tell if hes going to be a major flop or a major threat, this guy is going to be fun to play with, and i am 95% sure that if i'm voted out, he'll have had something to do with it. Cheatham - he's certainly an interesting character. he is quite active, which will serve him well, but i'm not feeling as if he's going to be a top contender. Dylan - he's one of my favourite people to talk to, but i've heard several people mentioning him as someone they like, so I'll need to make sure that I don't under-estimate him. Noah - I said a few hours in (in my thread) that Noah would be an amazing ally, and so far it's looking like he's my number one. I haven't lied to him at all (even by omission), and I hope we can keep this up right until I take him out at the final 5 >:) (lmao i'm not merging why should i be planning my endgame) Tawni - declaring right now she is the most dangerous player on my tribe. would be a great vote if will/zach weren't on my tribe and if she wasn't so well-connected otherwise. Will - he isn't talking to me anymore, out of everyone in the tribe he would help my game the least. also, we'd had a bit of a weird conversation earlier which I really didn't like so idk if I'd be ok working with him. Zach - voted out, no one can have an idol so i won't be 1-0'd

um, my tribe is really cool. I like everyone, hopefully we win more

Who knew these ORGs could be so fun? Probably everyone reading this. But seriously, I am having a blast so far. Ok, so a few things before I get to my thoughts on my tribemates: 1. Before reading on, be aware that anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. I apologize for my dry sense of humor and my ego in advance. 2. I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!! 3. You should know that I am very competitive. And I like to be in control. It is going to be really hard for me to take my foot off the gas pedal sometimes! I cannot tell you how difficult it was to leave my tribe for an hour and a half this morning for a meeting for work and have them continue the immunity challenge without me. I put together a spreadsheet and updated it as we took our turns. I was also the one to dictate our moves most of the time. The hosts were very particular about the format of our moves, down to the spaces and punctuation. I did not want anyone to send an incorrect response without me checking it first. But when I had to go into a work meeting, I had to let it go. They were successful without me (after my extensive and thorough coaching of course). They appear to be capable human beings (insert laughing emoji here). 4. One thing that I am not telling the rest of the castaways is the exact nature of my job. Luckily, my official job title is “Case Manager,” so I can get away with seeming way less awesome than I actually am. They know that I work with kids with autism. But what I am leaving out is that I supervise ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) programs. I am planning to sit for my board certification exam next year. (Fingers crossed!!) I develop and monitor behavior intervention programs, as well as train staff and caregivers in how to implement the principles of ABA. Yes, my job involves analyzing and modifying the behavior of kids with autism, but behavior is behavior regardless of about whom you are talking. The basic principles of behavior still apply…defining, predicting, and ultimately modifying the behavior of others through manipulation of environmental variables that either reinforce or punish specific behaviors. I could go into more, but I won’t now. Maybe in some future confessional I will give some specific examples. Look at me applying my work to my “personal life” 5. I am in one “official” alliance, meaning we have a separate group chat – it is called the Sunt Pack. It consists of Rizo, Sara, and me. We are all Sam Hunt fans, hence the “Sunt Pack.” The following points are about my fellow tribemates. I’m glad I waited until today to share my opinions, because they have definitely changed since we competed in the immunity challenge! 6. AnnMarie – Very sweet high school girl. I am in an unofficial alliance with her and Sara that Sara doesn’t know about yet called “CP” – Clarinet Pride. (EDIT – she knows about it now because I just made a group chat) AnnMarie currently plays clarinet in her school band and Sara and I played clarinet when we were in school. My only concern about AnnMarie is that she can’t have her phone on her during the school day. We were able to work around it in the challenge today, but I don’t know how this will affect future challenges; however, it might be beneficial later on when the game is individual. For now, I am trying to be a “mother” type figure to her…giving her advice about after graduating high school. I feel that we have bonded over this. 7. Chris – Awesome guy! He is in the unofficial majority alliance (that I hope is the only majority alliance haha) with AnnMarie, Liam, Sara, and Rizo. We’ve had some cool chats. I think we would get along well in real life. 8. Liam – The Dom to my Colin. Very cool chap. Wicked conversation – had a very riveting discussion about how accounting and philosophy majors are so similar. Clearly. But seriously. In the unofficial majority alliance. 9. Sara – my fellow OLD LADY. We have a lot in common because we are about the same age, and we graduated high school the same year. We also both like country music. Seemed kind of quiet when we did a group audio/video chat. SARA IS ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT. As much as I love a fellow Grandma, I will figure out how to get her out of the game, if not by my hands directly. In the unofficial majority alliance. 10. Kyle – He was the last person that I talked to. I definitely had the wrong impression of him before our audio/video chat during the challenge. Seems like a pretty chill dude. Plus he has lots of adorable pets. But, HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT! He seems pretty savy, so might not be the worst move near the end of the pre-merge. 11. Steven – Not much to say – haven’t talked to him very much in individual chat. Seems nice enough. I need to get to know him better, but HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST. So, whatevs. (In all seriousness though, I’m sure he is lovely and I would love to get to know him!!!!) 12. Rizo – My brother from another mother! Puns puns puns across the board! Dad jokes FTW. Need I say more? I need to make this gentleman my ride or die. And then slay him in the finals. Then be BFFs after. In the unofficial majority alliance. 13. Tim – He was another one that I think I was wrong about. I make one incorrect Harry Potter reference, trying to be all smart…BUT I think we bonded over the challenge. In the audio/video chat, we nerded out over our Survivor fandom and strategy for the challenge. So I may have been wrong about him. 14. Okay, this is long. Is that normal? I have no idea. I’m new to this. I am SO THANKFUL to now be a part of this community. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be able to make a reference to a past season and have other people actually know what I am talking about. That’s all for now! 

Coming into this game I honestly expected to know a few people..or have at least seen them around but I didn't (with the exception of Tawni but I don't know her well). I love that. When you start fresh, nobody can judge you based off previous experience. Observing and picking up things about strangers is literally one of the most fun aspects of games to me. I got the best vibes at the very beginning from Rizo/Gwen/Liam and also Tim...but could tell right from the get go that Gwen is a THREAT! Women's intuition. The comp just confirmed it further. I pray to the Survivor gods that others aren't blinded and realize this! I could tell before any alliance was even made that she was close with Chris too and probably closer with Rizo then I am. Being in 3 different alliances with her is inch resting. She's playing hard and to win! But anywayyyyys..had we lost, I figured Steven might be an easy first boot because he was just rather quiet and kept to himself...but then he SHOWED UP at the end of that comp and finally started initiating Convo with me and not the other way around. So when we lose..whos an easy vote? Idk. Pretty sure the answer is nobody! And then there's Kyle.... I didn't really give him a second thought until we went on group call and then played in the comp. He's just so chill and laid back and those are the people I like working with. I don't like pushy players and I don't like sheep and he's neither of those so I'm hoping that we can stick together for a long while. He's also fun to hassle so. Yeah um...this confessional is getting really long so I'll stop ranting for a while...though I have plenty to say. *Giggle*

so zach thinks he has a solid six alliance but....that's not gonna happen sweetie. he is such a easy target and one of the three on my list so ya gotta go. :)

Zach LITERally went to everyone in the house day 1 and asked to work with them after 2 words to eachother. Since i wasn’t buying it, we made an alliance called Solid Six 😳🤢 and he wants me out. Newsflash bitch, i made and alliance and everyone wants HIM out. The Sanes Ones about to win the season. I knew Tawni before this. Noah is a little crackhead-y but I think he is loyal to me. Dylan is such a sweetheart and i love him. And Amy... well... she plays pokemon?ANYWAYS, can’t wait for my first survivor tribal EVER

Going into tribal tonight I have no worries at all, I’m sitting comfortable in The Cock Destroyers alliance and we will be running the game until a tribe swap or until we merge. To the elimination tonight I don’t really want Zach to go since in my eyes he’s Gypsy Rose aka helpless in this game. Something else I’ve noticed there is a lot of gay guys on this tribe and I have one thing to say Only One Faggot Will Win and that me 😘

We are about to head in to tribal and honestly, there hasn't been much gameplay going on. I am voting for Cheatham because he is one of my three targets, and he hasn't spoken a single word to me about working with me. Of course there is a chance that I am just oblivious to everyone else and that I am going home, but I really hope that's not the case.

8 votes Zach, 1 vote Cheatham.