#cookies. so im struggling a lil lmao

[fagrackham]

I am in pain

[theloveinc]

https://at.tumblr.com/matchagirl/686152326082396160/6j526x4eqlq9

Lmaoooo this is shinso, he tries so hard to be nonchalant but is vibrating at the thought that you brushed hands earlier, ✋️ love me pathetically inlove men who are unable to express it like a normal human being, who else does this remind you of lol ?

(You can totally ignore this but sometimes im a little nosey) Saw that someone blocked you and while my totally rational mind is like "yeah maybe they just don't like the content, I sometimes block ppl because they pop up on my feed to frequently or smth like that" but ngl sometimes it's like " no, tell me the reason!" So yeah ur valid for feeling a little miffed, and if you want to be upset, I'll be upset with you! Lmao sending lots of love

(link!)

COOKIE, i'm so glad to see u! i felt bad about not getting to ur last ask, so it's nice that you're still around💓💓💓

this absolutely IS shinso and it's gonna drive me insane to think about LOL, the way not even his closest friends know how deep he is into his lil crush.

like him still being his somewhat cold self on the outside, trying to focus on work and business, literally MALFUNCTIONING when u just get coffee at the same time as him, pass him in the halls, sit next to him in meetings.

he's an underground hero for gods sake, he shouldn't be flustered over little things like that. AND YET, deep down he's so loving and romantic and dedicated that he just can't help the way he aches for you! kasdfnkjlladsjfkjadfmkl, truly.

(takes him like two whole years to work up the nerve to say anything about it to you, and even then he struggles being casual about it bc he doesn't want to show that he's scared of your rejection. just kiss him already!!!)

this also reminds me a bit of ... kirishima, honestly??? he's a little more forward LOL but he's such a mess over you in the crushing stages at first. doesn't want bakugo to pick at him for it, or even for you to think he's being too forward or something... arg, i love that dude (and you, too!).

(the type to go out with the boys and sigh the whole time bc he wishes he could've invited u. and then when he's asked what's wrong is just like: "ahhh you know. nothing :-)" BITCH!!)

lolol, this was such a cute thought! thank u for stopping by with it<3

-

and about the blocking ... YEAH. like i just wish i knew the reason, so at least i wouldn't have to wonder if i ... hurt someone unintentionally. ofc i stand by a lot of my decisions / actions too so maybe it's totally justified... but still.

and there ended up being a third person who blocked me recently too, which just made me even more DAM!!! (even tho i'll be fine in the end).

but i appreciate the concern (and upset-ness hehe) cookie! lots of love to you, too and hope you're well!🖤

[ria-the-camel]

I cant fiture out how to do a read more on mobile apologies

Fucking stomach upside down, keep having to pause the ep like a little bitch lmao

Im kinda glad I can't watch the show live i would just conbist if i couldn't pause it every time my emotions get too intense lmao

Imogen making it about laudna struggles and being there for her... And then the first thing she says being about her mom.... Oh god oh fuck

(the damn dice failing, cos the darkness is still there. Old on a minute. IM FINE)

Im so glad she got to chill on bottom table and be all touchy feely with imogen for a bit tho. Got me cryin

Aw man delilah bitch ill miss ya so much

Ang god she's so awkward and unsteady i love her (oh fuck i just noticed marisha's make up running down her face aaaaaaa)

FEARNE NOOOO

goddamnit fearne i love u (amazing shout out to critrole stats they rule)

HELL YEAH PATÈ FAMILIAR MY BELOVED we got the boon i repeat we got the boon

I'll miss marisha playing him but i love him (matt playing him is so weird)

Sooo she still a warlock, im hapi! She's still creepy beloved laudna yeahh

God Travis' reactions are killers

Gunkey gunkey gunkey gunkey!!

Fearne my beloved you are killing me. Im glad mister got his gun.

Marisha is driving me insane, her acting this whole first half of the episode is heartwrenching

Chetney to fearne "have you ever opened a tree before?" I mean, imogen has now, but not in a way you'd find useful rn haha

Bye residuum you'll be missed

That better not be esteross matt you big fat meanie

Iiiiiis she no longer a sorcerer?? Why she giving imogen the necklace? Is it self sacrificing? That necklace is dope as fuck as a sorcerer (trust me i played one for a while lol) or she got too many mgical items attuned to her?

Ohh sun tree, how I've missed youuuu! this episode keeps on giving

No. Matt. No. Please cmon let us have at least... At least one good day. You can't just. No cmon. It almost feels like a price. In exchange for laudna they lose their rock. Their cookies baking rock. I can only hope he hid himself and protected angainst magic or something cos urgggg

So curious about what was up with Imogen's dream, cold, the storm dying down, the stars dying down, fcg being there. She finally managed to control it a lil bit

Aw laudna, the regression is coming through... She'd started to work on it but it makes sense she'd just... Go a little back after all that. Marisha's playing her so delicately

Aw fcg finding god is cute. I hope nothing traumatic happens there

:( the cane

🥺 this sucks esteross nuu safety blanket man.

Pfff the makingmyway being just mmmmm was hilarious okay.

Gosh this is making quite sad, having a solid point of reference in jursar was so reassuring, now they're alone again :c

Oh estereross you sweet old man. The letters :c The cookie recepie 😭

OH MY GOD the flying ship. Neat.

But also ouch

[jedibongrip]

Tag Game To Better Know You!

Send this to people you’d like to know better!

tagged by @anakincito and @bladling i love my fans

What book are you currently reading? gravity's rainbow by Thomas Pynchon :/ in my fucked up pretentious bitch era ig

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? i dont think ive seen anything in theatres this year lmao? a friend and i did make a whole big thing about watching prey, i made a cake and everything and blacked out my room so that we could watch it. transcendent moment

What do you usually wear? ripped skinny jeans, hoodie/crewneck of some time, in these Cold Winter Months usually a turtle neck and doc martens

How tall are you? shut the fuck up

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? Sagittarius, lemme google for a second okay 1 min, yes c.s. lewis and chadwick boseman very cool

Do you go by your name or a nick-name? a nickname. lmao i specifically picked a name that i could shorten to a nick name because i love nicknames

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? ive had low grade depression since i was 9, i did not want to be anything when i was a child

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? i am not and i fall in love with every single person i meet but also i do not feel healthy attraction so this means nothing <3

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at? i am actually very good at academics and academic problem-solving/tutoring. i am so bad at puzzles and driving in the snow

Dogs or cats? i love kitty cats even tho ive only ever had dogs

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year? 

What’s something you would like to create content for? want 2 make more star wars stuff and i have the weirdest idea for a criminal minds fic floating around my noggin lmao

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with? putting obi-wan and anakin into fucked up lil scenarios and making them have sex about it. im also obsessed with the prospect of making blueberry oatmeal cookies

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? was supposed to enter my slut era cuz i got an iud and then The Horrors Emerged

What’s a hidden talent of yours? i am, surprisingly, very Liked by Parents. pretty much every single parent ive ever met likes me. this has not paid off with me getting a milf or a dilf.

Are you religious? no and if i was it wouldnt even be a sexy or cool religion cuz my family is made up of jehovah's witnesses

What’s something you wish to have at this moment? my glasses, i put them down somewhere and now i cant find them cuz to find my glasses i need to be wearing my glasses but i cant be wearing my glasses cuz idk where they are but to find my glasses i need to be wearing them, you understand my struggle now, yes?

hmm i think my mutuals p much tagged everyone but i'll tag @soresus @sketchyspirit and @sensoryseekinganakin

[sugakuns]

[hc] miya twins, sakusa & wakatoshi with a med school s/o

I wrote these as hcs since it would take me too long to write separate imagines! I hope it’s okay 🥺

◈ miya atsumu

#1 hype man!!

is the type to be like “hey babe what’s this called?”

spoiler it’s his bicep

I feel he would be strangely invested in what you do..like he would lowkey be reading your notes when he’s bored so he’ll just spout out some random medical knowledge

he would deffo show you off and in interviews and such he’d always find a way to mention you and your career path BAHAHA

“well i keep healthy cause my s/o is a doctor/nurse”

“‘tsumu im still a student..”

“shhhh”

expect a lot of “I THINK ITS BROKEN”

he stubbed his toe

he hounds you to take care of yourself, definitely the type to offer you a massage after you’ve been leaning over your desk for too long

baby acted like you were dying when he came home after a training camp and you literally looked like a zombie

dark eye bags is a no-no for him! he will whine at you to go to sleep early cause you need your beauty sleep!

a lot of “ you know I’m so proud of you baby, right?” or “who knew someone like me would end up with such a smartie like you”

he calls you his smart cookie 🥺

◈ miya osamu

ah, the less chaotic twin

he’s legit very proud of you

if you had to do practicals and stuff he’d be very interested in what you do

idk what a med student would do I’m going on a limb here LOL

studying for tests is a nightmare so lil osamu would feel bad and every now and again cook you something to eat

although he would probably never admit it, he worries that you’ll overwork yourse bc we all know how hard it is to memorise stuff for med school

he likes to show you off, but not like atsumu

if someone would ask him he’d be like “oh y/n? They’re in for med school” with such a cocky expression

like his twin, offers some ‘stress relievers’ from time to time (wholesome and not so wholesome 😉)

if you voice your worries about an important test coming up, osamu would be such a good listener

he also always makes sure you never fall into the typical med school student who’s running on 3 seconds of sleep and their blood is 95% coffee or energy drinks

this mans will make sure that you have time in a day to get a shower, have a good meal, study and relax!! don’t test him

tbh, pretty fkn proud

◈ sakusa kiyoomi

omfg he simps

obvs you’ll be a clean person who knows about hygiene so this is a plus in his books

but also if you go to the hospital do not touch him until you’re ‘clean’ again lmao

sakusa may find it a little hard to tell you how proud he is of you

because he’s not dumb,, he knows how much effort and self-involvement it takes to be in med school

he’s very self conscious about asking you to do things too!! like after a big test that he knows just took your soul from your body, tsundere baby will do things for you

but don’t ever bring it up or else he’ll huff

i hc sakusa to be able to make some pretty good herbal teas!! definitely knows a few good relaxing drinks

he won’t flaunt you like the twins, but does feel pride when he does mention your career path

he’ll never admit it, but like osamu, when he sees you cramming at night he can’t help but feel so worried

before he leaves for practice he always says stuff like “remember to take a break, idiot” or “don’t overwork yourself like last time”

he thinks he sounds so authoritive (in a nice way) but in reality he has a flush on his face and he can’t even look you in the eyes when he says these things

every now and again he’ll chime in with a “is there any illnesses going around” when he gets paranoid about people coughing or sneezing regularly around him

◈ ushijima wakatoshi

he’s a tough cookie to crack in the emotions department

ushijima is a bit..weird

we all know that but still

ofc he’s proud of you!! I mean, you’re literally IN med school

maybe he’ll show interest by dropping little things like “would you like to be our temporary nurse?” baby just wants to show you that he believes in you

ushijima is good at stress relief, i cannon him as a character who has a routine to de-stress

he’ll offer to help give you massages if you ask for them (be warned, baby’s a little rough)

he does little things (like the others) and tbh,, baby is a bit clumsy

tries to make you tea? spills some on the floor

tries to make you food? it’s burnt on the edges

he’s very blunt with praise and will definitely make you blush lol

it’s like the way he can simply say “I love you” with a straight face, it’s very flustering to see someone say it like that

hmm, if anyone mentions you and what job you have he’ll be like “oh y/n is in med school” but only you can see that little glint in his eyes

when you tell him you aced a test he’s give u that lil smirk and an “I’m proud of you”

daddy

sorry that ushi’s is a bit short! i struggled with him TT

[doctorgerth]

Im so glad I qualify for this omg. My names Rowdy! I got a request a while back! Could I get an imagine for Killer please? (he was one of my four matches and i've been in a killer mood lately lmao) Maybe like... I'm just some newbie on the crew and he takes a liking to me ówò

Here I am...back with another confession scenario. Why am I so infatuated by these?? This one is a lil unresolved but it’s still fluffy as heck. Hope you like this darling! 💕

"Goddamnit, Killer. If you won’t tell her, then I'll do it for you!” 

Killer didn’t need to be unmasked in order for Kid to see the daggers he was shooting his way. They were more than felt, but Kid shrugged them off effortlessly as he took another swig of his whiskey. He should have known trying to get romantic advice from never-had-a-stable-relationship-in-his-life Kid would prove worthless. Now, he was even more confused and terrified than before, and this wasn’t like Killer, who was otherwise fearless in the face of adversities. Only you had this affect on him and he had half a mind to hate you for it, but of course that wasn’t possible. If anything, it only made him crazier for you.

“How do I tell her? I can’t just come out with it.” Killer wondered aloud and immediately wished he had kept his mouth shut. 

Kid scoffed in response, “And why the hell not? Way better than you whining to us about it. If a cat’s got your tongue, just get her alone, smack her ass, and give her a big ‘ol kiss. Works every time.” He took a finishing sip of his whiskey with confidence, a hitched nonexistent brow at everyone’s silence once swallowing the last drop, “What? That’s solid advice!”

“Why don’t you just make her something? You bake. Bake her some damn cookies or something. Anything other than Boss’s terrible advice that’s nothing but a restraining order waiting to happen. No offense.” Heat inquired from his seat at the table. Kid shook his head, pouring himself another drink and mumbling about how nobody listens to him under his breath. 

“That doesn’t sound too bad...” Killer muttered.

Kid scoffed in disbelief once more, visibly offended at Killer accepting Heat’s advice instead of his own, “Cookies? What are you gonna do, make them into little heart shapes with pink frosting and sprinkles? Rowdy and Killer 4ever?” 

Everyone at the table couldn’t help but laugh at that one and Killer blushed profusely, the red patches entirely visible as they crept up his neck, “I hate all of you.” 

With that, Killer left the group to head into the kitchen, raiding the pantry for ingredients. When he came across a packet of sprinkles his stomach twisted, both amused and suddenly nervous about the whole ordeal. What if you rejected him? You were a new member, so was it odd of him to fall for you so quickly? Would he scare you away? Shaking his anxious thoughts out of his head, he threw on his apron, and tied it around his waist as he began the baking process. 

Killer was washing dishes when you made your way into the kitchen. Your light footsteps were easily drowned out by the rushing water and Killer’s rigorous scrubbing of dishes from the night before. You made your way to his side with a shy greeting, “Hi, Killer.”

Your presence startled him and he dropped the dishes with a loud crash. When he realized it was you, his hands began to shake and he struggled to pick up the soapy bowl, embarrassing himself further with each passing second, “God damn fucking stupid ass butter fingers.” He was mumbling numerous curses under his breath and you immediately reached down to help him. His skin was ablaze the moment your hand connected with his while you helped him pick it up. Behind the mask, his eyes were locked on yours for a moment, a noticeable wave of electricity sparking between the two of you.

“Thanks, Rowdy...” He muttered as he rose from the floor, rinsing off the dish before placing it in the drying rack, “How are you?”

You rocked on the balls of your feet, twiddling your thumbs in an obviously nervous manner that Killer picked up on. You were usually a bit shy around everyone, especially considering you were a new member on the crew. It was one of the many traits he found endearing about you as it was a nice change compared to his rather brash friends, “I was wondering...would you...”

Killer was on the verge of explosion, waiting on the edge of his seat for your next words. Why were you blushing so hard? Didn’t you know how unbearbly cute you were when you did so? How unfair...

“You see...C-captain told me everything...and I was wondering if you would...maybe...” Suddenly, your head shot up as you sniffed in the air, “What’s that smell?”

Killer’s eyes shot wide as his senses finally returned and he could smell something unpleasant. Something was burning, “My cookies!” He rushed over to the oven with you in tow. In a frazzled state, he grabbed the tray without an oven mit and dropped it with a loud yelp as the heated pan burned his fingers. You screamed in response as you scurried to him, helping to direct him towards the sink so you could run cool water over his throbbing skin. He hissed as the water hit his sensitive finger tips, but nothing felt more intense than your gentle hands on his once more. He embraced your tenderness for as long as he could until the pain ceased. When he claimed to be fine, you two reached down to pick up the cookies from the floor, salvaging the ones that didn’t fall off the pan.

“Are these heart shaped?” You inquired with amusement, thinking the cookies looked rather delicious. But why heart shaped?

“I suppose...so anyway, what did Kid tell you?”

Your blush returned, matching Killer’s that you could hardly see except the patches on his neck. Killer wasn’t sure if he needed to prepare to murder Kid or thank Kid. The latter seemed impossible until you smiled warmly at him, “I’ll tell you after we go get that burn checked out.”

[loversarcanas]

1, 12, 17, 21, 22, 26, 27, 29, 43, 50, 52, 54, 59, 61, 62, 63, 64, 68, and 92 :3 (I def went a lil wild but FUN ASKS)

LISA HAVE I TOLD U I LOVE U YET BC THANKS I LOVE U!!!!!!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? teacups! they’re so delicate and cute and have such pretty designs on them! (i actually collected tea sets for a short while before i ran out of space at home, so i want to keep collecting them when i move out and have more space). Coffee mugs are a close second though, they’re so cozy!

12. name of your favorite playlist? Aphrodite! It’s a playlist I made for my current D20 Modern character, and while it isn’t anywhere near complete you can listen here if you like!

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? I have a pair of comfy white and pink flip flops that I’ve been wearing since last spring, i’m a total flip flop ho and I love how low effort it is to wear them

21. obsession from childhood? already answered! it’s pokemon!

22. role model? honestly I don’t really have any role models I can say, I’m someone who really wants to be my own role model and be a positive role model for other people!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swimming!!! Though I’ve only done it once so far this year… I feel like I could live in the water and though I’m a bit rusty on it I learned how to semi breath underwater for some short periods of time

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? ice skating!!!! again its been way too long since i last did it but it feels so free and fun

29. best way to bond with you? talking about stuff we’re both into!!! i love making new friends talking about pokemon or anime or veganism, dnd, art, hobbies, lots of stuff!!! honestly just talking to people who are friendly and kind makes me so happy and is the best way to bond with me!!! (though i think you wouldl need a good amount of patience lol i get anxiety and forget to message back a lot…)

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? cardigans!!! hoodies are a close second but i only like them in cold weather. cardigans are light and flowy and especially the long cardigans are my favourites

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? oof thats kinda tough because ive laughed a lot but i remember this one time aaaages ago when my bunny hope was still alive, we had a box of thin mint girl scout cookies on our coffee table and she was having her free roam of the house. she sat on her hind legs at the table and pulled the whole box off and ran back to her pen with it!!! cookies spilled behind her on her way and she took one (1) bite out of like 3 different cookies before we finally got her. i loved that rabbit with my entire heart she was so funny

52. favorite font? i couldnt find the exact one that i downloaded a while ago but i like fonts kinda like this 

54. what did you learn from your first job? not to stretch myself thin to the point of tears every day lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? i dont think i would have a catchphrase so much as i would just throw up a peace sign and call myself a dyke LMAO

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? kdjffhgskdl i feel bad i cant think of anything off the top of my head sorry!! ;;

62. seven characters you relate to? OOH HELL YEAH okay: Sayaka Miki from PMMM, Sayaka Maizono from Dangan Ronpa, Chiaka Nanami from SDR2, Nico Yazawa from Love Live, Dia Kurosawa from Love Live Sunshine, Yang Xiao Long from RWBY, and Glimmer from She Ra

63. five songs that would play in your club? God this is. such a good fucking question

Coloris - she

Hit and Run - Breathe California

I Like it Loud - Cash Cash

Play Hard - David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo & Akon

Casual Affair - Panic at the Disco

64. favorite website from your childhood? ABSOLUTELY neopets. that shit slapped and it still does (bonus second place was theN.com bc of that one avatar game i can not remember the name of)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? i cant think all the way back but today i tried peach gummy rings flavored with lime chili powder and i almost threw up. i dont understand. i love both of these things separately. why do they taste so awful together…… top 10 anime betrayals

lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? ideally? fairy lights. i love the suttle beauty of dim lights. but im also a bitch who struggles to see so i need at least some of the other lights. rip

[moodymurda]

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao. 

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together. 

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”. 

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant. 

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls. 

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”. 

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing. 

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in. 

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her. 

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it. 

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all. 

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me. 

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

[chaemiin-blog1]

hello hello! you can call me h, and this is me boy chae. i have a full bio right here, but there is some tldr info under the cut, as well as some lil plot ideas, so if u wanna plot somethin out, feel free to pop into my ims, or drop a like on this and i’ll zoom on over!!

( tw: suicide )

background:

chae has adhd, which led to a lot of issues in his youth, particularly in regards to unchecked anger + a lot of problems with his parents. he’s been taking meds for it since he was a kid, and has dealt w/ the stigma surrounding it his whole life

his parents are colossal pieces of shite who were incredibly unsupportive of chae & his passions, while placing far too much pressure on his elder sister

his sister committed suicide when chae was nineteen, and it had a huge impact on him, as they had only recently become super close 

he tries in vain to push down his emotions any way he can. drumming, boxing, getting absolutely plastered. he just doesn’t rlly wanna confront his issues, and will go to any means possible to assure that he doesn’t have to face himself

chae’s dream has always been music. he’s a drummer, and while he was initially a jazz drummer ( bc even tho his parents were against him drumming, they still forced him to drum in a way they agreed with lmfao ) electronic drumming is his Real Love. he creates his own music, and is trying in vain to make it in the dj scene with some nice electro swing tunes 

currently, he works part time at a cafe bc his dj gigs are def not making him enough cash. ( as a lover of sweets, he ends up eating way too many muffins lmfao )

he also sometimes does paid fights for some extra cash, but not very often

his wife ( tho u know her as his gf ) is veronica !! he married her so she could stay in the states, and even though he really truly adores her... he was not prepared for that commitment. he’s still struggling with it, and doesn’t know how to begin to broach that topic of discussion  

personality: 

he is the type to desperately want to be close to people, and have strong friendships/relationships, but he has a lot of trouble effectively communicating those desires. he’s taught himself to be withdrawn because he can often be a little much once he opens up. he talks A Lot when he’s really comfortable w/ someone. like.. nonstop, motormouth chatter about anything and everything. it has scared people off before so he remains distant to avoid being hurt.

because of that... he can come off as lowkey mean, but that isn’t his intention. he’s sarcastic by default, and that combined with a general fear of letting people in makes him seem like an absolute asshat lmao 

he definitely has his bad days though, and fairly frequently too. on those days... it is his intention to be mean, though he doesn’t even really understand why he’s so damn grouchy

he’s pretty #fakedeep. wears mostly black, has sweaters that say “god is dead,” will go on long winded rants about our place in the universe, and got into boxing bc he thought the scars looked cool. 

but he’s also... a NERD. loves video games ( esp overwatch ( dva main, obviously )), plays a shit ton of rhythm games ( ex: taiko, osu, stepmania, ddr etc. ), lives for classic 90s anime, and finds joy in collecting weird and rare action figures.

his room is perpetually messy, his sleep schedule is a hellscape, and he outright refuses to eat vegetables unless forced to 

overall: a mess! 

some shitty base level plot ideas:

- old classmates who haven’t seen each other in ages - a fellow musician he only ever sees when they’re both performing on the same night and they’re switchin out equipment - someone who will take him out to a club and get #crunk with him bc he only ever drinks at home like a Sad Boy  - dramatic exes? maybe???? because he has no idea how to handle his own emotions lol. or a crush, or someone crushing on him ( but like.. why? ) ... idk ! i’m down for whatever !  - they come into his cafe all the time, and he somehow always ends up being their server. this could go a lot of ways. maybe they’re a huge asshole to him and he gets fed up with them, or maybe they’re The Nicest Person Ever and he throws in an extra cookie once in awhile bc They Deserve It. or maybe they never ever speak but damn he thinks they’re cute  - he’s… boxed with them before ? and then they see each other outside of fighting and are like ??? do i know u from somewhere. - fellow rhythm game enthusiast. play ddr with him.