#continuing the quality posting by taking quotes and crying about them what can you do

[queerofthedagger]

My father was a tailor in Leeds, as was his father and his father’s father. Time was if a man on the Avondale Road asked where he might find the finest clothes in northern England, he was pointed toward the shop of a man named Rackham. Then the men who sell wool decide they’d prefer not to compete with the men who imported fine cotton, and as the men who sell wool have the ears of the men who make laws, an embargo is enacted to increase profits and calico disappears. And my father’s business that he inherited from his father and his father’s father begins to wither and die. And my father suffers the compound shame of financial ruin seen through the eyes of his son and descended into drink. I’d sit beside him as a boy at the Sunday service as he shouted at the pastor, at the altar - at anyone who’d listen, really - at the injustice of it all. And I’d put my arm over his shoulder as the insults began, help carry him out of the church. God the insults. At his funeral, our neighbors were kind enough to whisper them rather than call them out loud. So, I set out to work, determined to rebuild what had been taken away. I was thirteen years old, but I was determined… Until a man arrived at my door claiming to hold debts belonging to my father, debts accumulated as my father drank, debts he claimed that now belonged to me, debts I could not possibly have hoped to repay, debts over which this man would have seen me imprisoned - imprisoned in a place where the debts would have been discharged only through hard labor, hard labor with no wages, working at - wait for it - the production of textiles. “You people, incapable of accepting the world as it is” says the man to whom the world handed everything. If no Anne, if no rescue, if this is defeat for me, then know this: you and I were neck and neck in this race right till the end, but, Jesus, did I make up a lot of ground to catch you.

[archduchessofnowhere]

Hello. What do you know about the marriage Ferdinand, Duke of Alençon and Sophie Charlotte. Thank you.

Hello! Sorry it took me so long, I was taking a break from this blog since I've been busy with college (the post on Sophie's death anniversary was qued months ago), and then I got sick (F). But I feel much better now so let's talk about Sophie's marriage!

But first I'll start with the source though. The best source of information about Sophie is Christian Sepp's biography "Sophie Charlotte: Sisis leidenschaftliche Schwester", which is only available in German (and I think there's a Hungarian translation coming up soon). I haven't read it yet but it seems to me the most complete book written about her like, ever. Probably he goes into more detail about her engagement and marriage, so if you can get it you should check it out. I used to answer this mainly an Italian translation of Erika Bestenreiner's book Sisi und ihre Geschwister (of which I only read the chapters on Sophie), which I double crossed with some online articles about Sophie that Christian Sepp wrote. So I'm probably missing some details; I hope I can learn more and write about it in the future. Now without further delay, let's continue on the subject.

After the fiasco of her engagement with Ludwig II (truly a terrible moment for both of them tbh), Sophie was pretty heartbroken. For all the portrayals in media of Helene as the "rejected bride", Sophie was the one that actually got publicly rejected and humilliated. Her family was furious at Ludwig, even Elisabeth. But after the scandal passed, it was time to find her a match again.

All the sources I've read (aka Bestenreiner's chapters about Sophie and some other articles) point to Ludovika as the responsible for setting her up with Ferdinand, Duke of Alençon, who was a grandson of the last King of the French Louis Philippe. On him we have this quote from Bestenreiner's book: "Baroness von Redwitz described him as a man of chivalrous bearing, 'with a carefully studied hairstyle and polite manners', whose fluent French was listened to with delight. She added, most eloquently, that he possessed more the qualities of a saint than of a husband".

They met at the court of Dresde, where Sophie was visisiting her relatives from Saxony (the queen Amalie was her aunt), and they both left a good impression on each other. Sophie and Ferdinand got engaged on June 24 of 1868 and married three months later on September 28 at Possenhofen. There is an account of the wedding from one of the guests, the Prime Minister of Bavaria Prince Hohenlohe-Schilling:

The young Duke of Alençon is described by the prince as a 'handsome young man with a lively air. The bride was dressed in white silk with orange blossom trimmings and a hairstyle of orange blossom and tulle. The couple knelt in front of the altar, behind them on the left-hand side Prince Adalbert (best man), behind him the two ministers (the second best man Pfretzschner and myself) and then, behind us, the men of the House of Orleans. On the other side, the Duke of Nemours, the Duchess and all the princesses… Nobody was crying… The bride seemed imperturbable. Before the "yes", the groom congratulated his father and the bride, then her parents. The bride's "yes" seemed to say: "It's all right with me". But I don't want to say anything bad, it just seemed that way to me. After the wedding, I kissed the duchess' hand and wished her well. She seemed really happy and content"

Off to a great start, right?

The Duke and Duchess moved to London (the Orléans had been living in exile on England since King Louis Philippe abdicated in 1848), where they were quite bussy receiving guests. However, soon after Sophie fell into a deep melancholy, and no one could figure out why she didn't feel better, not even after her first daughter's birth a year later on July. Although we can't diagnose her for sure, it seems likely she suffered from depression. The couple moved to Sicily with the hopes she would recover, and she actually did got better; but they have to depart abruptly because it was akward for the Savoyards that members of a branch of the House of Bourbon were staying in the former Kingdom of the Two Sicilies, which was ruled by the Bourbons until the kingdom was annexed to Italy in 1861. So Sophie's brother-in-law, the exiled King Francesco II of the Two Sicilies, invited them to stay over at Rome, and they agreed. Bestenreiner doesn't mention anything more on there time at Rome (although she does goes on a weird tangent about how the Wittelsbach sisters were depressed because they had too much free time??? That's not how mental illness works Erika), so I can't say anything else (if I find more I'll share it).

I ended up digressing a bit, but from what I could gather this marriage wasn't a love match, but a union between two people deemed adequate for each other (spoiler: they weren't).

[earstwo]

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I hit 7k recently after losing almost 1.5k followers when I converted to a Reylo blog (not sorry in the slightest) and decided it was time to finally compile some of the INCREDIBLE fanfics that I’ve read since joining the fandom in December. 

I’m constantly impressed by the talent around here and I'm so grateful to love a ship that has some of the most amazing content I’ve ever seen. The creators in this fandom are second to none. I’m so thankful for all they do and all that they give to us. 

Please keep never stop sharing your gifts. <3 

**Note: Most (pretty much all) of these are rated E. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite stories: 

The Jedi Path  by SouthsideStory | 19k | E | I am such a sucker for Jedi Academy Ben and Rey. It’s everything I never knew I needed, and this fic is a beautiful rendition. If you know me at all, you know that I devour Angst with a Happy Ending stories, and this is no exception to that rule.

Exile by Ernzo | 22k | E | Oof. This one hurts. Leia sends Rey to the planet where Ben is exiled. It’s angsty and sad and cathartic in every way. I’ve read it dozens of times. 

Before the Saber Swings by @waterlilyrose​ | 28k | M |  Fuck. When I tell y’all that this story fucked me up, I mean it from the bottom of my s o u l. It stayed with me for days. I literally couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real to me that I was in physical pain while reading it. I also made an AU gifset of the fic with a quote from Buffy because I’m extra and love pain. 

penitence by @bettsfic​ | 16k | M | Look, Betts is one of my favorite fanfiction authors of all time. Her Bellarke works are some that I’ve read dozens of times and I was fucking ecstatic when I found out she also writes Reylo. This is an A+ TROS fix-it that is lovely and soft and sweet. 

The Writings of Ben Solo by BurnedStars777 | 39k | E | This was recced to me by the fabulous @galacticidiots​ and is just a fantastic story all around. Rey finds Ben’s journal whilst stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren and she (eventually) connects the dots. Rey falling in love with Ben sight unseen? Here. For. it.  find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel by again_please | 17k | E | A fantastic post-TLJ story with angsty and broody Ben and just some all around quality smut. I devoured this and have read it multiple time since. 

We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree by @likeadove​ | 124k | E | I will probably never stop reading this fic. It’s such a beautiful coming of age story for Rey and her relationship with Ben as she grows up is just... gah. It’s fantastic. Please read it.    

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth | 205k | E | Soulmates AU where Ben is Rey’s teacher? Sign me the fuuuuck up, and Soul Searching is so fucking well written. I go back to this one every few weeks and just gush at how great the world building is. I love the relationship Rey has with Leia and Han. It’s rich with love and angst and fluffffff. So good. 

Coveted by OptimisticBeth | 82k | E | WIP | OptimisticBeth is just an incredible writer, so you should honestly read all of her stuff, but I am so, so, so into this fic. It’s A/B/O and Ben’s Rey’s pack leader. He, along with a bunch of other Alphas are trying to court Rey, a highly desired Omega. It’s so fucking delicious, y’all. Alpha Ben Solo is just...it doesn’t get much better. 

A Treehouse Covered in Salt by violethoure666 | 34k | E | This fic made me cry my eyes out. I’m not kidding. It’s so raw and real. It hurts to read at some points, but you care so much about Ben and Rey in this that you fight through the pain. They grow up together as neighbors and Han builds them a treehouse where they meet throughout their childhoods/teen years. Prepare to cry but also be so fulfilled and satisfied. It’s wonderful. love it when you call me lover by @kylotrashforever​​ | 66k | E | WIP | First, let me say that anything by KTF is going to be gold. These fics I have listed are just a few of my favorites at the moment. Lover is hot as fuck (as is all of her stuff) but also fluffy in the best way. It’s in Sadsville right now so I’m fucking PUMPED for her to update. Ben’s a doctor who basically gives Rey a sexual awakening when he proves her statement of “I just don’t think I can come from (insert sexual act here)” very, very wrong.  

mountain at my gates by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | More A/B/O goodness. Omega Rey’s car breaks down on a mountain. Ben is a mountain man Alpha. You can probably guess what happens from there. *fans self* 

take me to church by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | I love this story so much. Ben is the pastor’s son at the church Rey grows up in. They start hooking up in secret and are terrrrrrible at communicating with each other which leads to angst. But it’s so sweet and soft while also being super hot. I love this Ben and Rey so much. 

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo​ | 64k | E | The A/B/O Reylo bible, I feel like. They’re doctors and he’s a grumpy as fuck Alpha. Shenanigans ensue. And by shenanigans I mean a lot, a lot, a LOT of sex. 

The Food of Love by @lovesbitca8​ | 60k | E | Y’all. If you haven’t read this yet, please stop what you’re doing and read it RIGHT NOW. I ate this fic up in one sitting because holy SHIT it’s amazing. It’s so well written and the story is just... absolutely exquisite. Ben is cellist that’s also a famous rockstar and Rey’s an up and coming violinist and they fall in loOOoOOve in the best, most angsty, sexiest way. Please just read it right now. The scene when she firsts goes to his apartment and plays one of his cellos............you guys. It’s a lot.

Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 81k | E | This is soulmates + A/B/O so naturally I am obsessed with it. Rey gets connected with her soulmate via a website and he’s going by the name Kylo Ren. At the same time, she’s also moving in with grumpy librarian Ben Solo. She falls in love with both but has no idea that they’re the same person. It’s INCREDIBLE. 

Tangled but Unbroken by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 20k | M | I read this the other night and it’s so fucking soft. I am such a fucking sucker for growing up together fics and this is just such top quality. The braiding kills me every goddamn time. Also, I’m making my way through all of Attack’s works right now and they’re all incredible. Highly recommend. 

Dear Mr. President by @shmisolo​ | 89k | E | I love this Ben so much. The characterization is so on the money. The angst is absolutely delicious. The smut is top brass. Oh, and did I mention they’re soulmates? It’s everything you need, I promise. 

Good Day, Professor by @faequeentitania​ | 38k | E | One of the best Professor Solo fics out there. I’m such a sucker for age difference fics. Of course there’s angst, who do you think I am? 

Embers by sciosophia | 34k | E | Breaking up/getting back together fics are some of my favorites and this one is fantastic. The pining with these two is ridiculous. You just want to smush their faces together. It’s a beautiful love story. 

Reclaimed by @bettsfic​ | 14k | E | Ughhhhhhhhhh, Reclaimed. I am so in love with Reclaimed. Alpha Ben adopts Omega Rey after she’s rescued from this terrible Alpha that held her captive for most of her life. She doesn’t talk and Ben has to help her learn to be a human being and not just a subservient Omega. This Ben is the Ben of my dreams. No contest. 

the following are all written by  @kylorenvevo​. please read them all if you haven’t already. 

landscape with a blur of conquerers | 362k | E |  Y’all know this shit is fire. It’s basically the bible. If you haven’t read this yet, consider this as me yelling at you to do it NOW.   

like young gods | 84k | T | fuck, the Sword of the Jedi series is incomparable when it comes to in-universe fics. I cannot begin to express how much I love this story. It’s so soft and intense and sad. Like, gut wrenchingly sad. Ben senses Rey on Jakku when she’s six and he and Luke take her back to the Jedi Academy. She grows up with Ben. 

to kingdom come | 145k | M |  The sequel to Like Young Gods. I’m not gonna spoil much here, but just know I cried through most of this fic. I downright SOBBED at the end. It’s gorgeous and I will never stop rereading it. The love these two have for each other... it’s unreal. 

i kill giants  | 34k | E | WIP | The TROS fix-it we all need. Ben is alive and finds Rey on Tatooine. It’s soft and Thea does a great job of soothing so many of the gaping wounds we were left with after TROS. My heart soars every time I read a new chapter. This is what we deserved. :( 

the heartbreak prince | 58k | E | WIP |  Harry Potter AU. Professor/student. Size kink. Virginity kink. ANGST. All the good things life has to offer. Professor Solo is fucking filthy in this and I (along with Miss Niima)  am here 👏 for 👏 it. 

place the moon at my eyes (and her whiteness shall devour)  | 29k | E | Another breakup/get back together fic that I absolutely adore.

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Thank you to everyone that’s been so kind and welcoming to me the past couple of months! I love this fandom and its energy and enthusiasm and how much everyone seems to care for each other. I hope that I can continue to create content for you forever <3 

[hatake]

Ramblings ☆

In my last post, I talked about getting my first tattoo! In this post, I want to talk about miscellaneous stuff lol.

I'll start with my day yesterday! Yesterday, I went out with my little sister so we could have a long overdue photoshoot. I've been doing photoshoots with her since she was 14 or so (she's 20 now) and it's fun to look back at how much things have changed!

Here's a bit of a photo evolution throughout the years:

The last one ofc being from today's shoot 💖

I've always considered myself an editor rather than any kind of photographer, as you can probably tell from my crap composition throughout the years LOL.

The camera we usually use was being stupid today and we ended up using her phone instead 😂 We're looking into buying a FujiFilm camera in the near future, so hopefully the quality of the photos will be better in photoshoots to come 💖

-

Along with that, I watched a movie with a very good friend of mine last night ❤ She and I have been having movie nights every Friday for about six weeks now 😱💕

The first week, we watched a spy parody movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and Arnold Schwarzenegger?! The second week, we watched Chicago (as per my request ofc 😂) and the following weeks after, we've watched the original Spiderman movies!

Last night, we watched Into the Spiderverse 👀💓 (❗Spoilers ahead❗)

When I tell you I cried LOL. Tears of sadness, tears of joy, so many tears all over!!! As soon as Uncle Aaron died, I started crying and I was a mess until the end nxdmsxnskxn The initial death was heartbreaking enough (Miles having to fight his biggest hero was awful to begin with), but then having to see Miles' dad react soon after was just the worst 😭😭😭💔💔💔

The development of Miles' relationship with his dad was sooooo sweet, I was wiping tears everytime they interacted after that point basically LOL It was so nice to see his dad's growth and support of his son!! Esp with him making Miles say "I love you" back in the beginning via humiliation vs him saying Miles didn't have to say it back after Uncle Aaron died was so touching ugh.

I love Miles so much, I just want him to be safe and happy and loved 😭❤ The whole time I was like, "My son!! My baby!! Leave him alone!! You can do it!!!" 😂💕

His relationship with the 2nd Peter Parker was sooo cute, too!! There is no better dynamic than grumpy adult x bubbly kid, it's adorable every single time 😩💘 In my dream timeline, Uncle Aaron does not die from his gunshot wound, and the 2nd Peter gets to stay in Miles' world and act as a second uncle and who knows maybe the two uncles get married LOL

Tbh, most of these movies are ones I would never consider watching, but watching anything with my friend is super fun 💕 It's been the one thing I've been looking forward to most each week 💓

As you may or may not know, I have pretty severe agoraphobia; I've had to leave the house quite a bit since October, which has been super stressful, so having our movie night has been a real anchor for me and I'm so grateful for that 😢💕

Having someone you can be comfortable around to wind down each week is an absolute blessing 😭

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Lastly (before this post gets too much longer lmao), I wanted to talk a bit about Final Fantasy IX! In my last post, I mentioned I already had a plan for the next tattoo I want to get; here's what I have so far 👀💓

The concept and quote come from this scene where Vivi (the little guy on the left) is taking to an apparition of his dead grandpa Quan (the big guy on the right):

I always cry so much at this part 😭 I love so many of the messages in FFIX, but I especially find the concept of people continuing to "exist" through our remembering of them to be very sweet, so it hits home everytime 😭😭😭 (This is also why Coco is my fave Disney movie LOL)

For the set up, I was inspired by the iconic umbrella scene in Totoro!

I decided on flowers for umbrellas bc I love flower umbrellas as a concept in general LOL. Daffodils are my fave flowers, so I wanted to use one for sure (ending up as Quan's umbrella ofc) and daisies look cute with daffodils imo, so I used that for Vivi's umbrella ❤

I want Vivi and his grandpa to be on the inside of my forearm, while the bus sign will be on top of my forearm and will say "Last Stop". I'm planning to change the straight line into some sort of grass and incorporate more flowers somehow 🤔

I've been debating whether or not to fill in Vivi's gloves black like his boots?? I feel like when I do, it looks weird somehow 🤔🤔🤔 But maybe it'll look better after I finish Quan's design!!

I'll do another update when the design is finished probably 😊💕

If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! ❤💕 Let me know if you've watched any movies you really enjoyed as of late 👀💓 (Or if you also rly love FFIX LOL)

♡ lala

[aot-snk-4238]

SNK Meta Part 2: Ymir

In my previous post, I talked about my feelings regarding Historia's character this final arc. Now I'm going to talk about Ymir, her relationship with Historia, and my feelings about her send-off.

Was Ymir a good character?

In my eyes, yes. When she was first introduced, it was clear that she had feelings for Historia, making her one of the only canon queer characters in the series (assuming Historia reciprocated those feelings, which I'm pretty sure she did). She also appeared very snarky and cynical, but us readers came to learn later on that there was a much softer, sensitive side to her deep down that Historia would be the first to witness. These revelations, including her backstory, helped flesh out her character in a way that made her very interesting and mysterious for me. I especially loved how sharp and intuitive she was. I'm going to quote the wiki on this part, because I think it does a great job explaining her impressive observant abilities. "Ymir was extremely perceptive and could discern the nature of the people around her with alarming accuracy, such as Historia's martyrdom mentality, Reiner's split personality disorder, and Sasha Blouse's desire to look good in front of her peers by hiding her native accent and developing an extremely formal way of speaking. Due to her experiences and belief in self-pride, she tended to rudely criticize people for being untrue to themselves. Furthermore, Ymir was very reasonable, as she knew what to do during her kidnapping situation and reconsidered her options to accomplish her goals." I also enjoyed her interactions with other characters besides Historia. Take Connie, for example. When he lamented over the possibility of his mother being stuck as a mindless titan, Ymir tried to distract him, albeit not in the most appropriate way (ch. 38).

Connie complained about this behavior later on, but Historia defended her, explaining that she was only trying to stray his thoughts from that traumatic discovery. There were a few more moments between these two that were fun to see as well.

😂😂😂. Ymir's looking at him like, "You ruined it, Connie..."

I love the way she pats him on the head. Knowing how much taller Connie's gotten I don't think she'd be able to do that anymore.

This becomes one of the many times that Connie calls her "ugly" when she's in her titan form. Too bad she couldn't talk very well as a titan or else she probably would have had a smartass remark to throw back at him. It's looking back on scenes like this where I wish we could have gotten more out of these two. You can tell she cared for Connie and I know he also cared in his own way.

We only saw her together with Eren once when Reiner and Bertholdt captured them, but it was very interesting to see their perceptions of each other.

Eren found Ymir to be mysterious and wasn't sure if he could trust her, which isn't surprising considering this was the only time they ever spoke to each other. One detail that he couldn't miss, however, was Ymir's undying determination to protect Historia, a goal they would both come to share later on. Meanwhile, Ymir couldn't trust Eren because she found him to be too reckless and hot-headed.

These were my favorite qualities from Ymir, although to this day I still question the rationality of leaving Historia behind considering the situation she's currently in. Historia herself called her an idiot after reading her goodbye letter. Now that I've covered my reasons for liking Ymir as a character, let's move on to her relationship with Historia.

Ymir and Historia

I've loved these two together since the beginning for their complex and amusing dynamic. On the surface, you had the selfish, confrontational tomboy and the girly, kind and beautiful goddess. But underneath were two young women who were dealt a dirty hand early in their life and lead empty lives as a result until they found each other. Their story arcs throughout the Clash of the Titans arc were beautiful and complimentary, and it's part of the reason why it's actually my favorite story arc in the series. Everything from Ymir seeing through Historia's charade and urging her to live her life with pride to Historia telling Ymir her real name and the two of them fighting side by side in chapter 49 was some of the most empowering moments for me and I will forever cherish those parts of the story.

Ymir's departure

And now the part I've been most excited to talk about! Ymir's glorious, memorable and emotional departure.

Her ending...was not what I expected it to be. She left Historia at the very last second and gave herself away to the enemy because she felt guilty for something that was not her fault. Now as we know, Ymir is selfless at heart and she felt indebted to Reiner and Bertholdt for inadvertently helping her return to her human form after 60 years of wandering the earth as a mindless titan. She also decided that Historia might be safe after all after learning that Eren possessed the coordinate. I understand all of that, but what I don't understand is...well...everything else.

This was Ymir's last real appearance. We see that Ymir has willingly chosen to accompany Reiner and Bertholdt back to Marley to give up her titan powers at the cost of her life. Many people weren't so sure if that was truly the last of her though, because her death was not explicitly confirmed for a long time. We spend the next 33 chapters hoping to get something more, and then this happens...

A glimmer of hope. Finally there's a real chance we'll hear from her again, and it's got a lot of people buzzing with excitement. Sure enough, we finally get to see what's in that letter a few chapters later and are given Ymir's backstory. Here's where the disappointing part comes, though. Ymir makes it clear at the beginning of her letter that she will be dead by the time Historia receives it, meaning that this is the only goodbye they're gonna get. The last time they saw each other, Ymir wasn't even in human form. Instead of a proper goodbye, all we get is a short letter. The anime even tried to fix this by giving us Ymir's backstory earlier, but by doing that, her letter was cut short by a lot. All that was really left was, "Hi babe, sorry I left you like that. Oh well, I'm about to die anyway. Sorry we couldn't get married." And then this happened:

Historia touches Ymir's letter and is suddenly bombarded with visions of Ymir's past, including her chained up and about to be eaten. That is definitely not what happened in the manga and its honestly very confusing to me. How was she able to see all of that just by touching the letter? I get that she has royal blood and was able to access memories when she touched Eren, but Eren is a human who just so happens to possess the founding titan. The letter is just a piece of paper. Also, I'm guessing the last thing Historia saw was Ymir chained up so that there will be no need to bring her up again like Reiner and Porco did in chapter 93. I don't blame the anime team for making that change because I'll be honest, when we saw that one panel of her in her death chamber it felt very out of nowhere and I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the chapter after that. So here are my main problems with her death:

1. It was off-screen

If I recall correctly, Ymir is the only major character in the series whose death was off-screen. All we got were her final moments, and there wasn't even any dialogue. That part especially bothered me because you can see that Ymir and Porco are looking at each other and Ymir's mouth is slightly open, implying that she's speaking. But what was she saying? You seriously don't mean to tell me that they both just sat there and stared at each other the whole time. She must have had some last words, but for some reason we never got to know what they were. At one point I even thought that Historia and Porco might cross paths at some point and he would be able to give her closure that way but no. No closure, just a last minute goodbye letter and a glimpse of her final moments that I now consider completely useless and unnecessary because we never got more out of it. I mean really, we even got closure and an on-screen death for Marco for crying out loud. Why give him that kind of attention and not Ymir? Not to mention one of the more recent guidebooks. Her character has the diceased sticker and it talks about how she went back to Marley with Reiner and Bert, but that's it. Not even the guidebook makes it clear what happened next. Yeah she died, but did anything else happen before then? That's what I wish we could have gotten more details on like, I don't know....her final words???

2. It was anticlimactic

We didn't get enough focus on Ymir's point of view after leaving Paradis in order for her death to have any kind of lasting emotional impact. As I mentioned above, it just felt out of place and messy. There was nothing memorable about her death either. It was quite simple and boring.

3. It contributed to an ongoing literary issue that has anti-LGBTQ roots

Yep. I'm talking about the infamous Bury Your Gays trope. Now before I go any further, I am not accusing Isayama of being anti-LGBTQ, I'm just shedding some light on something that's been continuously repeated in countless forms of media, not just anime and manga. Truthfully, I hadn't heard about this trope before reading Attack on Titan, but when I did hear about it, it only made Ymir's death even worse for me. I'm not surprised that it exists and I realize that this is a manga where death is inevitable, but keeping both women alive in the end would have certainly been very refreshing. At this point, all I could ask for is that Ymir and Historia get to see each other one last time. Obviously since Ymir is dead it will have to be through other means and I don't care how it's done. It can be in a dream, a vision or through Paths (which I think would work best). Seriously, there's nothing I've been more curious about than how Ymir would react to Hisu's current predicament and what she would say to her. It would just be great for them to have one last conversation face to face because for me, the letter just wasn't enough. Of course I'm hoping for too much, though. We've only got 1-2% of the story remaining, leaving no room for further closure. It's disappointing and frustrating, but no story is perfect. I'm grateful for the content that we did get, but I hope one day I can find a story like this one where the queer characters get to live for once. I'm aware of other shows like Steven Universe, Adventure Time and Yuri on Ice that give them good endings, but those shows are much friendlier towards younger audiences and aren't nearly as dark and grim.

Conclusion

Ymir was a very intriguing character while we had her, but her death was unsatisfactory and only left us with more questions. I am not going to trash Isayama for it, but I will leave this critique here so I can unload all my thoughts for others to read if they wish, or possibly share their own thoughts. We are coming close to the end of the manga, so now would be a great time to reflect on what we read and enjoy what's left of it.

[dancingdimitri]

Well, it’s officially been a year. On March 23, 2020, I unboxed the secondhand Switch we had obtained by some incredible stroke of luck, solely for the purpose of playing Fire Emblem Three Houses, and started my first ever playthrough--Blue Lions route, of course--which I affectionately dubbed “Dimitripocalypse.” I chose this name because immediately prior to actually playing the game, I was aware of several facts:

- I was somehow already in love with Dimitri. - The Blue Lions story was both 1) centered on Dimitri, and 2) tragic. - I do not handle tragedies well.

(spoilers following, obviously. And lots of introspection.)

I knew about Three Houses since its release, but waited until many months later to actually play it for a few reasons: we (“we” meaning myself and my twin, Aki) didn’t yet possess a Switch; getting our hands on a system, plus the game, was an investment of several hundred dollars; there were no Switch games other than Three Houses we had significant interest in playing at the time, and besides, we were already plenty occupied with Fire Emblem Fates and the multitude of older games keeping us entertained on our outdated handheld systems. Our original plan was to buy a Switch for our birthday in May of the year following the release of Three Houses. Once the news of an impending lockdown started to spread, though, it became apparent that if we were going to get a Switch any time in the foreseeable future, that time was now. Our in-person shopping was mostly fruitless--no Switch, but we got our copy of the game while we were out (we like our physical copies)--but by some miracle we managed to find a previously used system for sale online: in retrospect, probably one of the last ones to be sold for a very long time after that.

By restraining myself from actively seeking out fanmade content, I managed to avoid significant spoilers for Three Houses. Inevitably, though, as months passed after the game’s release, I absorbed tidbits of knowledge that happened to roll by on my social media feed. I probably learned about the general concept and organization of the game (for example, obviously, the fact that there were three houses; more specifically, that it was a tragic story, and there was a timeskip somewhere in the middle), and the names of a few characters, but my recollections of my initial phases of information osmosis are fuzzy at best by now. My earliest memory of having a cohesive thought about anything in the game was sometime around September of 2019, when I happened upon Dimitri’s post-timeskip portrait. Immediately upon setting eyes on it, my heart went: He’s the one.

I still haven’t figured out what my heart does or how it works in such tight coordination with my eyeballs, but I have this tendency to abruptly fixate on one character in a given series, thereby selecting my single, immutable favorite character for that series. Yet, even as I subconsciously judge these characters based purely on appearance, when you also factor in aspects like personality and backstory, which I inevitably learn later, I somehow manage to also have a very consistent and predictable “type.” This was exactly what happened with Dimitri. Granted, it took me until February 2020 to form a significant emotional attachment to him, to the point where I was thinking about him constantly, but I never doubted from the beginning that it was Dimitri who would be the source of my “brainrot.”

I always wonder how things might have been different if I didn’t know about Dimitri beforehand: would I still have picked the Blue Lions house, solely because blue is my favorite color? Would Dimitri still have drawn me in through his many characteristic charms? Or would I have picked a different route, a different favorite character? How many things would be the same as they are today? But then I remember one of my favorite passages from what has been my favorite manga since my adolescence: [There’s] no point in thinking about the things I could have done, because there’s no guarantee that any choice is the right one. Alas, the timeline that exists right now is the only one that I know for certain, so it’s the only one I can discuss at length.

Sometime in the months that passed between finding that portrait and the beginning of lockdown, my knowledge of Three Houses had grown more cohesive, as vague as it still was. I knew that Dimitri was a tragic character who, due to some sort of traumatic events earlier in the story, became significantly more emotionally troubled after the timeskip. Looking back, I think this ended up being just the right amount of knowledge to have about the game before I started playing, because at any given point I had the faintest idea of where the story might be going, but no clue whatsoever about how it got there, and, perhaps most importantly, I still did not know how it ended. Nevertheless, another notable reason I hesitated for so long to play Three Houses was because I knew I was faint of heart and not adept at coping emotionally with even fictional tragedy; knowing what I did about Dimitri, I assumed playing Three Houses would leave me in a significantly worse emotional state than I had before playing the game. (I already struggled with generalized anxiety, a stressful family life, and recurring nightmares.)

Fortunately, I was very wrong. Even so, with no way of knowing this at the time, I figured that a lockdown would be the perfect time to start my playthrough. I was temporarily furloughed from my day job for the foreseeable future and obviously had no plans to go anywhere or do anything, so if I was going to get emotionally wrecked and needed significant time to recover, I might as well do so while I was stuck at home anyway.

(Side note: we could have gotten a Switch Lite with much less hassle if we wanted to, but we opted against it because we wanted to utilize the large television we had in our living room at the time. This ended up being an excellent decision. Second side note: it took me a few days to figure out there was a button on the system itself for taking screenshots, but I’m too sentimental to delete my lower-quality phone pictures.)

On the first evening after dinner I played for only about 45 minutes, enough to select my house. I ended up restricting myself to playing only in the mornings after that, because I lost practically all of my sleep to speculating. I primarily remember wondering about the deeper aspects of Dimitri’s character--what kind of person was he, really? I wrote an unnecessarily detailed paragraph about all of my guesses, based solely on his dialogue up to that (very early) point in the game, synthesized with things I knew about myself. I supposed, with the reservation that these were just wild guesses, that he might be very much like me. Every last one of my guesses turned out correct.

I experienced the story roughly one chapter at a time in two- to three-hour sittings, to allow myself ample time for emotional processing. I figured I might need it, and again, I was right.

As they say, the rest is history. Writing out all of the impressions I recall from Dimitripocalypse would make this post more needlessly long than it already is, and you can gather most of those from my regular posts, anyway. For the sake of as much brevity as I can muster, I’ll skip to the most important conclusion: I’m so glad I played this game.

Again, things could have easily turned out much differently. I very nearly stopped playing the game entirely after Dimitri’s sudden outburst at Remire Village gave me a panic attack so awful that I struggled to manipulate the controllers because my hands were trembling so badly. (I would have quit then and there, but I didn’t realize what was happening until after the fact.) But, after having Aki look up the ending to the route to confirm that it was indeed happy (for Dimitri, anyway--an important distinction), I persisted, also keeping in mind another favorite quote: something about the importance of continuously making an effort to understanding someone you love, even though not understanding them is “the greatest fear.” In retrospect, with how Dimitri’s character arc continued to develop, putting in the effort to reach that understanding at that specific point in the game saved my butt and made the vast majority of what happened later much, MUCH less of an emotional slap in the face. And with how the story progressed, I needed as much free cognitive space for emotional processing as I could get. The post-timeskip reunion with Dimitri led to my first good, cathartic crying session that I could remember in probably seven years. If I remember correctly, think it lasted a total of an hour and a half.

Even with that in mind, or maybe because of it, Dimitri’s renewal halfway through the second part was the single most cathartic moment I can recall ever experiencing. With how hopelessly attached I already was to Dimitri even before knowing the grisly details of his upbringing, the development of his story felt quite literally like something chipping away at my soul. Dimitri’s second peripeteia, then, wherein he realizes his past mistakes and decides to change for the better, evoked the sensation of my soul gently being reassembled, each broken shard softly being set perfectly back into place. I’m still not entirely why a fictional story felt so much more therapeutic than any therapy I had ever gotten up until that point. Somehow, though, just by experiencing that moment, I no longer carried with me a background-noise level of emotional anguish that had, at some point, become my default state.

With all of that said, I’m not entirely sure how to start wrapping this up.

It’s been a year since I took my first fateful step into the world of Fire Emblem Three Houses. There was no way of knowing where the steps after that would take me, even if I did predict a few aspects of the story. I’m certainly happy I was wrong thinking that I would end the game in a worse place than I started. Now I’m standing here looking back, one year later, amazed at how all of these experiences culminated into the present I know today.

I was always entertained by how, when you select which house to lead at the very beginning of the game, Rhea responds with “Your heart has made its choice.” My reply is always: “Yes... yes, it certainly has.” Maybe in some alternate timeline, it is true that this path was a choice I consciously made for myself. But in my current reality, that is not the case. Somehow, my heart makes its own choices independent of the thoughts in my head, and this particular choice is just one river joining the flow of time that continues to sweep me along.

My recurring nightmares never stopped entirely, but they significantly declined in frequency and severity. Moreover, for once, I even recalled a few good dreams I had: those, for me, are rare. I can count on one hand the number of such dreams in which Dimitri unquestionably appeared. One in particular sticks out in my memory to this day. I think of it whenever I have to negotiate with my estranged mother and I resort to perhaps unnecessarily diplomatic, emotionally distant and yet affable language; when I converse with someone about  how it is crucial to discern when to change what is unacceptable and when to simply accept it anyway, even if--especially if--when the thing in question is something about yourself; when I keep in mind that, as much as I’d like to care for others until all of their needs and wants are met, because it brings me joy to see them happy as much as it pains me to see them hurt, there are times when I have to care for myself first, or else I will have none of myself to give.

Oddly, or perhaps, just as it should be, this dream did start out more like a nightmare. I recall feeling very anxious. But the difference this time was that Dimitri was there. Though I seldom experience such vivid sensations in dreams that I still remember them after I wake up, this time, the physical contact our bodies made as we embraced felt real.

“Dimitri,” I murmured, though I didn’t know why, “I’m so scared.”

His response, in perfect tune with the sound of his voice in the game:

“It’s all right. I’m here. Even when I’m not by your side, I’ll always be with you.”

[elderling-magic]

Fitz, Nighteyes, Fool and Time

“...To free humanity of time. For time is the great enslaver of us all. Time that ages us, time that limits us. Think how often you have wished to have more time for something, or wished you could go back a day and do something differently. When humanity is freed of time, old wrongs can be corrected before they are done.” - Kettle about the role of the White Prophet, “Assassin’s Quest”

For at least a year now I wanted to make a post about time and how it relates and affects my favourite fictional trio so that is what I am doing today. This post will contain SPOILERS for the entire series so if you haven’t read all the Fitz books - you have been warned. Time is overall a very important theme in the series, but I want to foccus on these 3 characters because it is what is more interesting to me.

Fitz - Past

“The knowledge that he had left me with no intent ever to return had come over me in tiny droplets of realization spread over the years. And each droplet of comprehension brought its own small measure of hurt...He had wished me well in finding my own fate to follow, and I never doubted his sincerity. But it had taken me years to accept that his absence in my life was a deliberate finality, an act he had chosen, a thing completed even as some part of my soul still dangled, waiting for his return.” - Fitz, “Fool’s Assassin”

One of Fitz’s characteristics is how he is more often than not stuck in the past. This is partly because of trauma, but is still important. Even before the story starts Fitz already made an attempt to reject the past by claiming he forgot everything about his mother. He didn’t really. The memories just hurt him too much, but Fitz was never able to forget or let go of past events (even after giving part of his memories to a stone dragon in AQ).  Fitz gets stuck in the past and is hard for him to move on. Molly was his first love and he is stuck with that, Kettricken is still Verity’s wife until the (end even though the man died in book 3), Beloved is still a bit under the shadow of the court jester no matter how much he has changed since RA, etc. Fitz’s past affect his entire life.

Fitz can’t help but be reminded of Molly when thinking of red skirts or the Fool when seeing black and white. These are the colors he associates with them and that had initial impact in his past memories (even Molly being known as Nosebleed as a kid has the hint of red in there).

Fitz’s connection to the past is not as easy to observe in the Farseer trilogy since he is still developping and usually either Nighteyes or the Fool are around him. The Fool and Nighteyes influence him and make him not drown in past memories. Fitz holds on to the people he met as a kid and as the trilogies go on he seems to give less and less importance to new characters (so much that the ones introduced in the last trilogy barelly feel like characters at all in Fitz’s POV). 

Fitz going back to Molly at the end of “Fool’s Fate” is partly because of this attachment to the past. When the Fool leaves and Nighteyes isn’t around what does he do (as seen in “Fool’s Assassin”)? He gets a room just for himself where he can write and cry about the past. That is one of the most painful books to read when it comes to Fitz because he is so lost in past memories without Nighteyes or the Fool being around to stop him and bring him new perspectives that he just brings me down with him.

Nighteyes - Present

“Come, hunt with me, the invitation whispers in my heart. Leave the pain behind and let your life be your own again. There is a place where all time is now, and the choices are simple and always your own. Wolves have no kings.” - Nighteyes, “Royal Assassin”

Obviously Nighteyes has a strong connection with the present. As he says, wolves live in the now. So, when he is with Fitz he influences him and makes him live in the present. When Fitz is living in a cabin with just Hap and Nighteyes, he says he foccuses on the present and the routine of it (not for the first time, he mentions it in AQ before too). Fitz, being Fitz, still writes about his past, but since Nighteyes is around there is a balance between how often he thinks about the past and how often he foccuses on the present.

Fitz’s connection to the past also affects Nighteyes. When the wolf starts to gain human like qualities these are associated with past memories - like Fool saying something in AQ in the lines of “I didn’t know he would remember that” about Nighteyes showing his gratitude for Fool giving him cakes in the past, for example. Or that time Nighteyes remembered his family.

Even Fitz’s stupid plan in “Assassin’s Quest” has the foccus on the present all over it. He knows he wants revenge on Regal because of what he has done to him in the past, but instead of having a plan for that future, he says he will think of something when he gets to where Regal is currently living. Completelly living each day as it presents itself. No future planning because guess who isn’t around?

Fool - Future

“If he had not come to see me, I would never have recalled how much I missed him. I would have continued to pine for the past, but I would not have begun to long for a future.” - Fitz about the Fool, “Fool’s Errand”

Of course the White Prophet is strongly connected to the future. The Fool has visions about the future and his constant concern and dedication about what he must do keep him from thinking about the past or the present.  the Fool feels blind when his dreams stop. He has no concept of living beyond his "time", of a future he doesn't see. He is so anxious about it that he would not allow himself happiness and the society he wishes for because he is constantly considering what each of his actions would mean for the future and that paralyzes him.

The times Fool seems to be enjoying himself on the present is when Nighteyes is around and still alive (”Assassin’s Quest” and “Fool’s Fate”) - there is the water fight in AQ and overall the fun he seemed to be having on the adventure in FE. Take Nighteyes away and Fool is constantly worried about the Future or remembering his past because of Fitz. 

Fitz is the only person we know that the Fool opens up about his family or his mission as Amber, for example. Fitz even unlocks the Fool’s tragic backstory slowly. Being around Fitz makes Beloved think of his past memories even if he has been avoiding them like the plague for years. There is this person he tells about it because they influence each other that much.

In Liveship Traders, Amber is 100% thinking of her goal the entire time, which makes it feel a bit different than how Beloved usually acts if Fitz is around. Fitz and Nighteyes surprise him and make him slow down a bit and think of something else no matter how few minutes it lasts.

In the same way, Fool makes Fitz plan for the future. When the Fool is around Fitz has always something to do (usually according to prophecies). Fitz also thinks about a future living with the Fool in AQ, FE and AF. Take away the Fool and Fitz drowns in the memories of his past, unless Nighteyes is there to help him.

So, does that initial quote from Kettle about getting rid of time connects with the ending where Fitz and the Fool end up in the stone wolf and basically die? Given the strong connections these 3 characters have with time I guess I could say that now that they are not around the White Prophet mission is trully complete. I am not sure what this means for the new prophet (Bee)’s future goal though. Unless that there is no future goal. Bee herself was a new entity entirely given that she was called the destroyer. I see her as having the powers of both catalyst and white prophet. So, it can really mean the end of white prophets and, like Kettle said it was their mission, the end of time itself. 

PS: I also don’t see ghost!Nighteyes as being trully Nighteyes. Nighteyes died in FE and to me that ghost is the personification of the memories the Fool and Fitz had of him. But that is another future post entirely.

[monochromeofficial]

MONOCHROME MEMBERS OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS.

HYESUNG

It’s obsessed with having a perfect feed.

Takes a thousand photos, only publishes four.

Tries her best to have different content so it’s not just her face.

Her captions are either philosophic quotes or emojis.

Often gives behind the scenes and hard to get spoilers, once she literally posted an encrypted spoiler through emojis and expected highlights to understand it.

Sometimes she post short videos of her playing guitar covers.

Tries to reply as much comments as she can or at least leaves a like.

KISEKI

Soft, soft, soft. Did I say soft? I’ll say it again SOFT.

Her captions are full of support messages for highlights or asking them how they doing, pure wholesome content.

Uploads a weekly totoro (her dog) appreciation post.

Is the member that gives the most updates. Dear.us are never starving.

Comments on the girls post with cute messages. Except Stella, she gets light roasts.

She still has the youtuber.exe installed and relates her whole day on stories.

Everybody claims her cookies recipe is amazing.

PHOEBE

Her, that’s all.

Queen of mirror selcas, she posts one daily.

Before debuting most of the girls had to deactivate their accounts, well she didn’t. She wasn’t going to lose all her followers that easy, so she just deleted all controversial posts and continued with her life.

Sometimes she post a group pic with the girls. Emphasis on sometimes.

Flirts with every comment that calls her pretty.

She also post many ootd and other fashion related content.

Her captions are basically hyping herself up.

STELLA

Hates taking selcas with her whole soul.

She also tends to forget her password.

Let’s all thank her manager and Olivia for keeping this account alive.

Sometimes her captions has nothing to do with the photo at all, it’s just crack.

Always flexing her art.

Simps on other members comment section.

She was once banned from using instagram for a month after posting 32 stories talking about conspiracy theories.

MIRAN

She has no clue on how social media works.

After Hyesung gave her a masterclass she started understanding a bit more, she’s still kind lost though.

Rarely adds a filter or edits her photos.

What she does is post many aesthetically pleasing photos or videos of night views.

Captions look like: “Here’s a selca now stop crying” “I’m a boomer, i don’t do tech “Don’t be intimidated by my face is not my fault that i’m so pretty”

Another one who flirts with fans on the comments.

Reinforcing her womance with Hyesung by calling her my wife whenever she posts a photo with her.

OLIVIA

She’s not the group’s photographer for nothing.

Her posts are just so high quality and well edited.

A lovebot for the girls, her family and the staff.

“My friends are the prettiest you wished you could be this pretty” Olivia every time she post a photo with other member.

Roasting haters on the comments 24/7.

She’s that girl posts a selca and quotes poesy on the caption.

Last time they went to Tokyo she got lost and instead of using her phone to check google maps she went for a walk and showed of pretty places on stories.

[latefrequencies]

see part of what made me go “maybe masculinity isn’t accessible for me” was a conversation i had with someone on a different online platform regarding masculinity (the person to whom I was talking was a trans man, for context). he defined it as involving chivalry and “roughness” - not necessarily violence, but interest in “[things] like noisy trucks and woodcutting” (direct quote) - to which I responded that chivalry is an odd concept to me because, outside of its historical context involving knights, much of what is considered chivalrous in the modern day (e.g. having a code of honor and loyalty, performing acts of kindness and politeness for people) is what I just deem as being a good person.

he then agreed that that was the case, and that chivalry in the modern day also involves “uplifting women”. i asked if women were necessary for this model of chivalry, and he said basically yeah I guess so. this was interesting to me because 1. it implies that, without women, chivalry cannot exist, so this trait associated with a particular gender needs the existence of another gender to exist, and 2. I don’t have many women in my life (I have a friend who’s a non-binary woman-adjacent person but that’s it. not that I’m intentionally trying to not have women in my life, but for whatever reason, women aren’t drawn to me or I don’t attract women into my life or I just have been around a disproportionate number of men/non-feminine non-binary people.) 

i did not mention this in the conversation i had, but i did mentally note that, if chivalry in the modern day is seen as a romantic thing (which i think it often is? the person also cited things like holding your date’s chair out for them or opening the door for them), this model of chivalry is heterosexist, as it doesn’t include interactions with men or non-binary people. 

but chivalry obviously isn’t the only masculine trait that exists, so i looked up stuff on traits that are considered masculine, especially in the context of non-toxic masculinity, and one of the big things people suggested was that independence, strength, and courage are major aspects of masculinity. that’s when i started realizing that, for me at least, maybe masculinity was inaccessible.

i cannot be independent due to disability requiring me to have at least someone in my life who can do things for me that are so overwhelming or anxiety-inducing that i become completely non-functional when trying to do them. due to the modern lack of ability to acquire wealth and the non-existence of a middle class, i cannot get a job that would allow me to make enough money to be self-sufficient (and the majority of things that take place in any job scenario are things that overwhelm me to the point of meltdown/non-functionality). 

i am not a strong or brave person, and i only accept scenarios that require bravery if i have absolutely no choice. i cannot take any serious risks because i do not have the resources necessary to deal with the failure of those risks. and when i have to be in scenarios that would require most people to be brave, i seriously just deal with them with crying and drug abuse so that i don’t have to feel anything. if being brave is doing things that scare you but that you have a choice in doing, then i’m not brave and i doubt i ever will be

and what is strength, anyway? all the things i look up imply it has something to with vigor, but when i look up the definition of that word, i get definitions that use the word “strength”, which is a circular and unhelpful definition. does it mean being physically strong? i have arthritis and am thus physically weaker than most people, and exerting physical strength has the capacity to cause me great physical pain.

the idea of roughness was interesting. what constitutes rough? is it things that involve rough textures? i think raw gemstones look cooler than tumbled gemstones, does that indicate a leaning towards roughness? but gemstones are a stereotypically feminine interest, so maybe that invalidates that point. i like typically “rough” styles of music like metal and noise. are those things masculine? if so, might it be because the majority of artists in those genres are male, and is that a reflection of misogyny/unwillingness to promote female talent inherent in the culture of those genres or in the music industry at large? if so, does that make it problematic or misogynistic to consider liking that kind of music to be a masculine thing? is violent or action-driven media considered rough? i like horror movies and i like the violence in them, but i don’t associate that with masculinity, and besides, isn’t liking something violent for masculine reasons an example of toxic masculinity? i’m (re)watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, which is an action anime (at least at the start), but I like it not because of the action (although that’s fun) but because of the psychological, surreal, and disturbing aspects of it. Sailor Moon is technically an action series (if I’m not mistaken it was one of the first magical girl anime to also contain action elements), but come on, it’s Sailor Moon. it’s the least masculine thing you can think of. the show is all about the characters being brave, exhibiting strength, and protecting people and the world at large, but does that make it a masculine series? am I asking the deep enough questions that I am really questioning if Sailor Moon is a masculine series?

actually that’s an extremely good question and I’m going to have to write a diatribe about whether or not Sailor Moon depicts traditionally masculine traits channeled through femininity in a way that performs femininity but never masculinity (well. except for the few male characters in the series but you know what I’m talking about.) 

anyway enough about fuckin anime. i’m just going to close this with something i found on LGBTA wiki, specifically the page on xenogender, because talking about roughness and also the conclusion that masculinity has no essential traits made me think of a comment someone wrote on that page trying to explain xenogender to somebody:

“If you ask a man to describe his gender he might say his gender is something like "blue, strong, and protective". If you ask a women the same question she might say her gender is "beautiful, powerful, and nurturing". If you didn't know these people's gender this might sound a bit silly, because a gender can't literally have these qualities. However, we are still able to imagine these genders and associate them with these qualities. Since society has told us what men and women are these seem to make sense to us.”

i am going to continue ranting about this but this is the longest post i am probably going to make about it

[chibimyumi]

Sexism against men

【Reponse to this post】

Dear @nunted​,

✬Hello, first of all, men have to suffer getting their suffering under sexism denied :)))

✬ When a man is being sexually harassed or bullied in general, he gets victim-blamed by being shamed for his lack of masculinity, and cannot expect compassion from others.

✬ Especially in the 19th century, men were sent into the most dangerous jobs (the sewers, the mines, the battlefields etc.), and this exposure to danger was glorified as ‘manly duty’.

✬ Men were sent into death or a return with PTSD, and have to be happy about “being a hero of the country!!!”

✬ Men’s emotions were and are still being denied. Men are not allowed outlet for their grief, fears, and what not. Men have to either swallow these pains, or be swallowed. The only outlet men were really allowed was anger.

✬ Young boys were already being told that they cannot cry when they’re hurt, because “boys don’t cry”.

✬ Men were denied the chance of actually raising their children and form meaningful bonds with them, because “it’s a WOMAN’S JOBBBB”.

✬ A man’s value is defined by his productivity in a job that society chose FOR HIM. Anyone who did not live up to those arbitrary social expectations is made out to be a ‘lesser man’.

✬ The phrase “be a man” or “man up” is just a way of saying: “if you don’t live up to social expectations, YOUR identity is invalid.”

✬ Men are shamed for physically under-performing. “Can’t you lift that? You’re a man, right?”

✬ Boys who bully or misbehave are not sufficiently corrected, because “boys will be boys,”, and so boys have a greater risk of becoming socially loathed adults (from assholes to outright criminals).

✬ Men are made to bear the full financial burden of a family, and when he cannot he is seen as incompetent.

✬ Men are being pitted against each other in a futile battle of being acknowledged as ‘the alpha male’, of who is worthier of getting X, Y, or Z (often women), resulting in a longstanding tradition of masculine competition. (e.g. dick comparing is not something just done for fun; it reflects a very unhealthy psychology of lack of self-esteem.)

✬ A man’s success in ‘getting the girl’ is made into a measure standard of his value as human. Men who were not interested in ‘getting the girl’ for whatever reason were therefore considered less valid.

✬ Men are assumed to be ‘less refined’, which is glorified as ‘appropriately masculine’. But men were first denied the opportunity to hone such ‘refined skills’, and miss out on options that might otherwise have become their hobby or passion.

ET CETERA

I could go on, but I really hope that by this point you got the point.

I find it very ironic that you should respond in this way to a post where I never mentioned whether men did or did not suffer, on top of having explained why it is foolish to play Oppression Olympics.

Before anyone is going to respond with: “yeah but women......” I will say it again; we should NOT be playing Oppression Olympics.

“People want to appear clever by nominating the victim-champion, but perhaps it is best to ‘actually’ be clever, and lend our ears and compassion to multiple people’s pains.” (quote from earlier post)

I hope more people will learn to compute a higher number than one (1) group of victims.

Sexism is a systematic oppression mechanism that hurts literally everyone for different reasons in different ways. For the greatest part of history, women and/or ““lesser men”” have been made to suffer to accentuate the artificial superiority of men. Men meanwhile, have been made to suffer in a race based on unrealistic standards.

People would naturally find out that the expectations society prescribed for them is not right, and so sexism - or ‘gender roles’ - has been reinforced through centuries in the shape of a punishment-and-reward system. In this system EVERYONE is being punished and rewarded based on qualities that were arbitrarily decided by society.

Please do NOT continue this Oppression Olympics, because by doing so we are falling right back into this formula of: “pushing down others so one can artificially stand on top”.

I case you or anyone else is wondering why I posted this ⇊ picture and called this sexist, please allow me to explain.

The psychology behind narratives wherein a woman bullies a man, and that being played as humorous, is that it revolves around the (subconscious) sexist assumption that:

1. a woman can’t be a threat, so we don’t need to take her seriously. She is very infantilised and considered funny in the same way many find a baby looking murderous funny.

2. a man who is being bullied is inferiour, and should therefore also not be taken seriously. A man who is unsuccessful in deflecting harm or too “gentle/weak” to fight back is considered the clown - funny.

The moment we turn this formula around where we see Nino (♂Nina) bullying the female Phantomhive staff, he would automatically be called out for being a sexist, ‘a man who ignores and shit-talks women’.

If it were Elliot (♂Lizzie) who saw Ciella (♀Ciel) on top of Siegfried (♂Sieglinde), and immediately launched into a spin-attack for Ciella’s head, he’d automatically be considered a territorial dick.

The atmosphere would change quite dramatically. Why? Because we ARE taught to consider men a threat.

I could go on forever about the mechanisms of sexism and how everyone is a loser, but I don’t want to find the upper limit of Tumblr’s wordcount, or give them reason to introduce one.

I trust this has been enough to inform you a bit, but if you still wish to argue you are very welcome. But I advise you to consider your arguments or claims for a little longer before presenting them to me.

My Ask box has already been temporarily closed for a bit because it is a bit flooded now. But you contacted me through comment, so I trust you also know how to contact me again if need be.

[mylinhnd987]

SPIRITED AWAY: THE METAPHORICAL DETAILS BEHIND THE CLASSIC

New Post has been published on http://www.idolpop.us/spirited-away-the-metaphorical-details-behind-the-classic/

SPIRITED AWAY: THE METAPHORICAL DETAILS BEHIND THE CLASSIC

SPIRITED AWAY: THE METAPHORICAL DETAILS BEHIND THE CLASSIC

Link video:

ANIMATIONCONTENT The first detail that is repeated continuously throughout the movie is greed. [The scene Chihiro's parents eat and get turned into pigs] At the beginning of the movie, the scene where Chihiro's parents curiously entered the spirit land and discovered restaurants full of delicious food. Unable to resist the attraction of those delicious dishes, they ate a lot, no matter the origin of this meal. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch, right. Witch Yubaba turned them into pigs, resulting in Chihiro having to work in her bathroom to pay off the debt. [The scene of No-Face enters the bathroom – gives gold – is served] Next scene, No-Face becomes the "richest" guest in the bathroom. The filmmaker built this character in a very special way, as his name – nobody. No-Face is said to be a dirty

spirit and not allowed in the streaming bathroom. No-Face lives off of human greed. Greed, lust, liberty, and depravity. From a very kind character to having super magic in his hand, he turns into a greedy, bloodthirsty man. All were fascinated by No-Face's money, their greed delighted No-Face and lost his humanity more and more. [The scene of No-Face eats bathroom staff – chases after Chihiro – transforms into a pure soul and working as Zeniba's maid] When No-Face had finished his food, he turned to eat some of the bathroom staff and caused chaos for everyone. The only thing that makes No-Face is a pure, non-greedy soul by the little Chihiro. After eating a piece of Chihiro's medicine cake given by the god of the River, No-Face vomited everything he ate, including the three bathhouse staff he had swallowed and furiously chased after Chihiro. Chihiro cheated No-Face to chase her out to sea, away from the bathhouse, where he reverted to his true personality, transforming into an endearing spirit. This detail represents a very meaningful message: Greed will be inspired by a pure soul. The second metaphorical detail is the good and the bad. The land of spirits and monsters, it only manifests when the sun goes out, things of darkness are different from what exists in Chihiro's world. Through the characters the filmmaker built, we can see that kindness exists everywhere, even in the darkest, most terrifying places. Here, the magician Haku, Mr. Kajima – the slave of the kettle, the maid Lin, the No-Face, the witch Zeniba … are the representatives of goodness. If it weren't for Haku's help, Chihiro could hardly exist in a world that she didn't believe was real – a monstrous world. [Movie scene about Kamaji] As for Mr. Kamaji, at first glance, Mr. Kamaji seems scary but his personality is not like that. In fact, Mr. Kamaji was a gentle, kind person, and helped Chihiro a lot during her time here. The image of a six-armed old man – Kamaji gives the impression of good people regardless of their appearance and nature. [Movie scene about Lin and Lin with Chihiro] And Lin, a maid who is always bullied and often ridiculed by everyone, is the one on her side and taught Chihiro how to live and work.

[Movie scene about No-Face giving a card to Chihiro] Even No-Face helped her with the bath-cleaning job by handing her precious bath tokens The No-Face is said to be greedy and dangerous, but when we are with Chihiro, we see pure, slow, gentle and gentle spirits. Miyazaki once said “You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” There will come a time when children grow up and meet something weird, difficult to understand, but slowly they will understand. Just let children know how to recognize good people, working, they will become self-confident and will shine no matter where they are forced to live. That is what the author wants to send messages to the children through his live video footage. Besides the meaningful messages about life, Miyazaki also builds many details and scenes to reflect the reality of society. [The scene of the river spirit in the bathhouse area] The first is the details that show the problem of environmental pollution. He is pictured as a famous, heavily polluted, and smelly river spirit. The pollution was so horrible that no employee wanted to serve him when they went to Yubaba's bathhouse. It could even make a bowl of rice spoil instantly when it was a few meters away that Lin brought Chihiro. [The scene of helping people pull the bicycle out of the river spirit and the river spirit flew away] The contaminated god made his body full of mud, deformed, and hard to walk. It seems that man-made the river spirit ugly by his unconscious way of littering. He is also seen as an "unclean" spirit by Yubaba until the help of Chihiro pulls out a bicycle from his body. Besides environmental pollution, in Spirited Away, Miyazaki also mentioned that the hot problems of international concern are children's rights. [The scene where Yubaba threatens Chihiro and Chihiro to do heavy work] Miyazaki wants to talk about the exploitation of children's labor. The characters represent those exploiting the labor of children . That is Yubaba – the greedy witch who rules the

land of the soul. She makes Chihiro work as her employees and sends her incredible jobs. This is the criticism the filmmaker wants to reflect. If in real life, they bind the children to work for themselves with whips and threats, in his animation, Yubaba also threatened to turn her into a pig or coal and take her name to bind Chihiro. like people do. To a kind-hearted, environment-conscious, and child-loving person like author Miyazaki, he is strongly against the exploitation of child labor. That's why he included it in his movie instead of words he wanted to say. And he desires children to have their full rights, to learn, to play, and enjoy social welfare. In the film's flow, author Miyazaki has also sent us many more messages about the education of children's characters. [The scene Yubaba comment Chihiro and Chihiro cries after visiting her parents] Chihiro was said by Yubaba to be weak, lazy, and could only cry and do nothing, a useless person she didn't want to accept. But because she wanted to save her parents and get out of here, she had to face many things that she had never seen before. She had to clean the bathtub with a lot of trash, had to scrub the dirty "safe" tub … She was so pitiful that she cried hiccup beside Lin and Haku when she visited her parents. Her strong desire to save her parents motivated her to work and do even better. [The scene Haku helps Chihiro and Chihiro finds Zeniba to rescue Haku] Appearing in the first scenes of the movie, Chihiro is just a shy girl who always needs Haku's help, from Haku helping to hide Chihiro to making rice balls for her, everything thanks to Haku. But when Haku was in trouble, Chihiro found Yubaba's sister to rescue Haku, even though she did not know the danger would happen. Because she knows only she can solve her problems, she can't just wait for someone to help her forever! We must know to do the good on our own, the things that we consider important to us and not to expect too much on the help of others. [The scene Boh] A character built by the author to emphasize that message is Boh – the son of the witch Yubaba. Because his mother is so pampered, the boy is bland, selfish, and reliant. Although Boh is "gianter" than his mother, he is unable to stand up and just crawls around in his room. Boh is transformed into a mouse by Zeniba, Yubaba's twin sister.

Going through an exciting trip with Chihiro to Zeniba's house, the boy can stand on his own feet and cares more for others. It was a message to parents as well as children about the independent way of life that Miyazaki wanted to say. Les Brown also said: "Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else." Each image, every word appearing in the movie has a great metaphor and connotation. Not only a cartoon film that won many major awards and the most popular of the 21st century, Spirited Away also has timeless values, I firmly believe that the value of this animation is eternal and nothing has been able to pass it yet. Spirited Away is a movie that anyone in life must watch once. The film is excellent not only for its quality image but also human values that the author wants to convey to viewers, especially children – who will change the future of the world in the future.

[leah-leu]

Lean on Me

This Krisho story was inspired by a two quotes:

One is mentioned in the story, but I feel like I need to mention the other one. Kris once said that if he was a king, he would order Suho to massage him, so I figured Suho most be really good as giving massages. Just a warning, when it comes to the massage, there is nothing going on, if you know what I mean. It is just a massage, although I can understand if it appears to be something else, its not. 

Also I see that there a few people who like my stories, and I will definitely continue to write. Although it takes me a few months, to post, I will try and write more often. Thank you and enjoy.  

D.O stretched his hand out to the side, swallowing what felt like sand. He heaved a cough as his hand wrapped around a cylinder class and placed it under his lips. The cool water trickled down his throat, but it wasn’t enough to calm the desert. He reached his hand further on the night stand to see if there was a bottle there. There wasn’t.   He leaned on his elbow contemplating if he should get out of bed. A small tickle at the back of his throat urged him to get up anyway.

Reluctantly he swung his feet over the bed and wobbled to the door. It was dark, his eyes still heavy with sleep, but  he manage to successfully reach the door.

He opened and closed the door silently, and walked the hall to get to his destination.

The Kitchen.

Up head he could see a light, which made it a little easier to see, his footsteps became sturdy as he continued on.

The closer he got to the light, his ears started to pick up rustling. He stopped and looked behind him, when he didn’t see or hear anything from behind him he shook his head and continued on.

The closer he got to the light he realized the sound was coming from there.

It must be the TV.

It wasn’t uncommon that one or two of the members would be staying up late watching a movie or TV show.  

As he was close to rounding the corner, he stopped, as the noises he heard did not sound like typical TV noise.

It sounded like someone was in pain.

He shook his head. Sleep was still clouding his mind.

He just wanted some water, but for some reason, he felt frozen in his spot.

D.O took a step toward the light when he heard a noise that jolted his whole body.

It was a moan. But not a moan that someone was in pain.

The person hummed, and moaned, and sighed.

D.O was frozen, he wanted to move, but all his brain could register was what was going on beyond the wall he was behind.

“Don’t stop,” the voice sighed.

The voice had a distinct low sound, it had to be Kris.

D.O just knew, his voice sounded different than all the members.

What was he doing here?

According to Suho, there other halves would be here in the morning or afternoon, but it was still night time.

D.Os head twitched as what sounded like fingers clawing at the couch, and another moan.

Then someone laughed, light and airy, it was also familiar.

“Were just getting started.” The second voice teased.

D.O felt his eyes widen, he clamped his hand over his mouth. Suho!

Kris and Suho? What were they doing? He screamed inside his head.

“I bought this. Its your favorite scent right?” Suho spoke.

D.O heard a bottle or a cap being open. There was a pause.

“Oh!” Kris exclaimed, “That smells so good.”

Suho laughed again. “I thought you would like it.”

There was a brief paused, and D.O wondered what was happening.

“Isnt that too much?” Kris asked.

The cap to whatever was opened clicked closed.

“No, you want to be comfortable right.” Suho stated.

“I don’t want it to run over, and get on the couch.  Its going to be a pain to clean up.”

“Don’t worry, just relax. Now close your eyes.”

Kris sighed, as if he was taking some risk.

D.O heard the circle motion of Suho’s hands, and then... Kris began to moan again, and again.

D.O’s face warm, but he still couldn’t move. What would they think if they heard him? Never mind his water, he didn’t want to go back to his room. with his jumbled mind. He could easily bump into something if he wasn’t paying attention.

“Right there” Kris hummed. “Harder”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Kris assured Suho.

D.O bit the inside of his cheek. How long was he going to be standing here? His pulse beat wildly in his ears.

He could hear the couched being scratched over and over.

D.O wished he stayed in his bed. He should have just rolled over despite wanting water. Now there was no way for him to go.

D.O heard a cry.

It was Kris.

He turned his head back to the living room. His spine tingling. Legs begging to move.

“Don’t tense up” Suho’s calmly commanded. “Just relax” He crooned.

Kris groaned and sucked in his breath.

After a few tense moments of silence, D.O held in his breath. He heard a sigh from Kris.

“It happens every time,” Kris sighed, like he was tired.

Suho only hummed in response. Then he heard Kris yelp.

D.O jumped in his hidden spot, as Suho chided him.

“You rely too much on those chemically made pills”

What?Pills?

“Ow, hey stop.” Kris yelped again. D.O heard what sounded like a pillow bouncing off the couch

“Yeah, that makes sense coming from you, medicine man,” Kris shot back. “The vitamins I take are top quality.”

“Oh please, I only take vitamins when I need them. You however, use them to replace food entirely. ”

This is certainly not how D.O imagined their conversation going. He was terrified, but now he was confused and curious. Cautiously he pressed his back into the wall. He just wanted to see a glimpse. Turning his head to the side he quietly turned toward the light and moved over.

He could see that their backs was to him, but not by much.

They had clothes on, D.O noted relived.

Kris was leaning to the side. His upper body was facing Suho. Suho was turned just enough to face Kris, but was still comfortable with his  resting a little on the couch.

D.O face warmed. Of course they would have clothes on why wouldn’t they. He scolded his inner self. But he couldn’t forget the sounds. He mentally groaned, best not to think about it.

D.O saw Suho’s hand go up and fall and smack on Kris bare calf .

“You need to eat more fruits and vegetables. Your body needs the potassium or your just going to keep cramping up.”

“I don’t like vegetables, I’ll eat some fruit, but…”

“No Kris,” Suho voice became stern. “You need to take better care of yourself. ”

“I do, that’s why I have you, so you can massage my legs whenever I need it.” Kris patted Suho’s shoulder and laughed.

Suho pouted. D.O knew Suho was serious whenever he made that face. “I’m really worried about you,” he mumbled.

Something in the air changed. The smile that Kris had was wiped away. Suho looked at Kris, while Kris turned away and heaved a sigh. Something told D.O that this wasn’t the first time they had this conversation.  

D.O strained his ears as he heard Kris reply. “I know.”

They were silent, but the only sound in the room was the faint brush of hand on skin, as Suho gently rubbed Kris legs.

“I’m getting tired.” Kris, rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before putting his hand down.  “I thought trainee life was difficult, but I hoped it would be better when I debuted. But it’s worse. So much worse.” Kris laugh was humorless. He placed his hand on his heart and rubbed it, like he was giving it a hug. “I don’t know how long I can go on.”

D.O felt his own heart skip a beat.

“That’s exactly why I’m worried. You would tell me, if you…”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I can’t imagine leaving you guys. I started with EXO, and I want to end with EXO.” Kris’s words were meant to be light, but D.O could see that Suho was not convinced.

“I’m just missing my mom. It’s difficult to fly back and forth. I feel like my body isn’t able to catch up. Then I can’t slack off, because I’m the leader I feel like I can’t freely express myself, because somehow I’m the voice of the company?” Kris used air quotations for the last part.

Suho nodded, he understood.

“Sometimes I just want a break, well a longer break.”

“It’s difficult now, but it won’t be like this forever.” Suho sighed. “We’ve come a long way.”

“Yeah we have. It’s easier for you though, this is what you wanted.”

“This isn’t want you want?”

“I mean, it is, but I didn’t imagine it to be like this. I was expecting something different.”

“Like what?”

Kris shrugged, “Just different. “ Kris paused, “I don’t feel like myself anymore. Every day is challenging. I wake up to aches in pains, and my legs cramp up all the time. But I can’t do anything because I have to help with everyone’s injuries, or homesickness, cooking and picking up their medicine. I don’t have time for myself. Even if I do get a break, my mind is always working on the others, you know.

Suho nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, it is hard to get a break in now days.”

“I want to do my own thing eventually. I want to share my ideas with the company and produce my own songs.”

“You always say that you are going to do it, but you never do. Just go up there and ask them to listen.”

“But I feel like I’ll be turned down. I still need to work on them.”

“What you have is fine. I like your songs.”

“It’s one thing to share with you, sharing it with the company… It needs to be complete perfection. I don’t want them to change my song, I want them to listen and have it on an album because everything is that good. ”

“It sounds like you need your own label. Or a solo”

“I wish,”

“It can happen one day.”

Kris hummed.

Kris makes music?

Why hadn’t he learned about this? In all the years they’ve known each other, D.O didn’t know this about Kris. At least not on this level, they are all artist, but most of the time Kris never seemed to be engaged, but then again most of the time he is away in China.

“One day we will all have our solos,” Suho leaned his head against the couch and looked up sighing dreamily.

“We’ll be a real powerhouse then. We could have our own label. EXO label, EXO Co,” Kris listed a few names.

Suho head snapped up and looked at Kris, “Yes! Lets make it happen one day, bro.” Suho held his hand up, and Kris slapped his hand with his own. “Yeah, bro.”

They laughed a little before falling into a peaceful silence.

“Your going to do great things Kris, your extremely talented. Don’t be afraid to go after it.”

Silence passed between them again before Kris spoke, “Yeah, well same for you.”

They both shared a smile.

D.O smiled as well as he turned away, from their hushed voices.  There was something sweet and intimate about the two of them talking on the couch. He finally felt like he could quietly leave.

He went out to get water, but he doesn’t feel as thirsty now. Taking slow steps back to his room, he thought about something Suho had said once.

“Although we are very different in height, were close friends, and he often leans on me”

“Really” his past self  replied in disbelief.

“Yes, when you are not watching”

D.O remembers how bright his smile was when Suho mentioned Kris. He rarely sees them hang out or talk to each other. They must do it more often when the other members are not paying attention.

Indeed they do have a heavy burden to carry. It must be a blessing that they have each other to lean on.

[blackbatpurplecat]

Catwoman 80th Anniversary

In 1940, one of the now most popular comic book heroes of all time got his very first solo run. It would become a milestone in comic book history. But he wasn’t the only one who had a chance to shine. In that premiere issue, even TWO of his most famous antagonists would be introduced: The man who laughs and the woman who steals.

That woman was intended to become the love of the hero’s life. The good guy and the naughty girl, the appeal was palpable. However, she wasn’t just a love interest or a generic thief or only another villain in the ever growing gallery of rogues the hero would face over decades to come, no - she was quite the character.

Her first alias was “The Cat” which would ultimately become Catwoman. Selina Kyle, the best thief in the world, a literal cat burglar, a classy seductress and queen of sass. And fans loved her so much that over time, she grew to become just as famous as the hero.

Her story has had its ups and downs. Mostly ups. ;) Going from the pages of the comics to the little and the big screen in the 60s, then she disappeared for a while, then made a comeback. She married the hero and had a child, though that marriage was later rebooted and was followed by a depressing origin story a sexist author made up for her in the 80s.

The 90s then turned out to be her decade! She found herself on the TV screen again, animated this time. She was portrayed by a Golden Globe winner on the big screen again. And she finally got her very own solo run in comics.

Her solo title was successful enough to run for over 20 years, a time in which her development from antagonist to anti-heroine would pan out. She would be a member of several teams, dance on both sides of the law, and even have another child. The screen called her back in form of a movie and a tv show. In one she was a thief with a love for killing, in the other a teenager. And we already know that her movie career will soon continue with two more projects.

In 2016, DC rebooted their entire universe. Catwoman’s origin story was changed, her relationships were lost, her solo run got canceled. No one knew what was real anymore - and fans didn’t like it. Only a year later, a retcon followed in a pathetic attempt to restore a status quo fans were familiar with and approved of. Even her solo run came back and today, in June 2020, we celebrate her 80th anniversary!

Catwoman is my favorite DC character ever. She’s clever, she’s funny, she’s stubborn, she’s classy, she’s confident, she plays by her own rules. When written right, she is such an entertaining character, unpredictable and fun.

In 80 years, there have been countless appearances, so many incarnations and interpretations of her - sure, I didn’t like all of them but you can say there’s something for each one of us. You don’t like her in the 2010s? Check out the 90s. You don’t like her in the 40s? Check out the 80s. There’s a version of Catwoman for many different tastes. She never goes out of fashion.

So to celebrate one of DC’s most famous women, they published a collection of 10 stories in total, written and drawn by people who have had touched her character over the past years.

Did Catwoman 80th Anniversary - Celebrating Eight Decades of Beauty and Burglary do her justice?

Warning: Spoilers!

Let’s check out each story and see what the writers came up with for this very special occasion. Except for one, none of these are meant to be canon, it’s just a collection of shorts meant to emphasise why Catwoman is so good. Something I noticed was that each writer had not picked any Catwoman to write but “their” Catwoman. A nice detail. Consistency, why not? Write what you feel comfortable and familiar with. This can only help with the quality of the stories, right? ... Right? ...

Strap in folks, this is going to be a LOOOOONG post!

Story #1: Skin the Cat by Paul Dini

Selina’s just living her normal life with her cats, occasionally stealing some money and jewels. Hey, a girl’s gotta eat. ;) What catches her attention are news reports about stolen big cats. I’m a cat lover myself and this series of crimes would worry me just as much as it worries Selina. She deduces where in Gotham someone could hide those wild cats, breaks in, and is welcomed by an eerie voice - as well as the taxidermied cats. Fucking bastard... The villain Taxidermist, quelle surprise, is behind the cat murders. He now intends to gas Selina and add her to his cat collection but Selina reveals that she’d already turned off the gas before breaking in. She escapes his long knives and watches as three big cats she had brought with her attack and kill him.

What an intro! A story about Selina’s love for cats and her strategic thinking. I really liked the first half! But once the Taxidermist shows up, it loses itself in drawn out exposition. Selina goes on a long monologue to explain to the reader who the Taxidermist is, how she knew it was him, how she turned off the gas, and how she replaced three of the dead cats with alive ones. I would have preferred to actually SEE her preparations for the face-off in flashback panels instead of having to read it. It didn’t feel natural at all. Also how the fuck did she bring 3 wild cats and switch them for the stuffed ones?! How?! And when?! I’m also quite sad that she didn’t get to save the cats. That was a bummer. So all she basically did was bring 3 big cats to kill a killer.

The art’s gorgeous, nothing else to say here!

6/10

Story #2: Now You See Me by Ann Nocenti

Ann Nocenti’s name immediately made me go uh-oh... Her bad and convoluted writing style made readers drop the Catwoman books which eventually lead to the solo run’s cancelation so you can understand why I was concerned.

So Catwoman is hiding a little pouch in a pigeon loft on a roof while pondering who to sell her stolen goods to - as well as where to vacation afterwards. She then notices a surveillance camera. The scene cuts to two cops on surveillance duty. They’re both bored as hell so when one spots Selina, he quickly distracts his colleague and leaves to find her. He takes the pouch out of the pigeon loft and a fight between him and Catwoman ensues. He reveals that he wants to become her partner. He wants to feed her any intel he can see on his screens so she could steal and sells some goods, and they’d split the money. When Selina refuses, he tries to blackmail her into complying. Selina presses a button on a little device and whatever’s in the pouch the cop sacked, explodes, sending him over the edge. Luckily, he lands on an umbrella Penguin had sent off apparently because we see him in one panel, angered that his plan was foiled. I’m not entirely sure what his “brilliant plan” was supposed to be. Something with gas tanks that were strapped to the umbrella I assume? I have no idea.

This one is missing too much context for my taste. What was in the pouch? Did the explosion kill the guy? What was Penguin doing there? What was his plan? Why did we need the second cop? For a super obvious but unnecessary parallel between Catwoman vs. corrupt cop and random woman vs. random man on one of the surveillance screens? Why give Catwoman so little “screen time” and so little dialogue? Is this short story referencing anything from Nocenti’s awful run and I just forgot? To quote Val Kilmer Batman: “It just raises too many questions.”

The art’s okay, nothing too special.

3/10

Story #3: Helena by Tom King

Oh boy. This is the big one. The one everyone’s been waiting for, I guess. The man who not so long ago had promised us a BatCat wedding just to shove a huge middle finger in our faces, promised us a pregnant Selina this time. I was skeptical of course. Also other readers were convinced he’d just let Selina have a miscarriage. Well, the good news is it wasn’t a miscarriage. The bad news is he almost makes Selina seem like she would have preferred a miscarriage.

The story goes like this: Selina hasn’t been feeling well so instead of going to a doctor like a normal person, Bruce scans her head and checks her vitals and blood (I can only assume because we’re not shown). Selina’s convinced that she’s seriously ill but a gentle, hopeful smile on Bruce’s face reveals the actual truth: She is pregnant. And her first reaction is shock and denial. We cut to BatCat fighting Tweedledum and Tweedledee (I think, you can’t really see them but the two men they knock out look identical). Selina then bends over and says that she’s about to throw up. Followed by a Batbucket joke. I’m getting so tired of all the forced self-awareness, guys. We cut to Catwoman, now sporting a baby bump underneath the skin-tight leather, sitting on a roof. She prepares a glass of wine while telling the baby that it is just like Bruce and it’s such a dick for taking away her freedom. After one sip, she chucks the glass away and curses. We’re then treated to a montage of BatCat fighting several rogues while Selina’s belly grows with each panel until it’s an 8, maybe 9 months along belly. I... I have no words. Except for yes, this was written by a man. BatCat are then standing on a roof and Selina laments that she’s a thief, not a mother, and the baby will derail her life and plans. The scene switches to Bruce and Selina in bed, arguing because she’s in labor. Bruce is ready to roll while Selina is STILL in denial, crying that she’s not a mother, that she’s not a hero or a good and brave person like him. Bruce tells her she didn’t run off so that means she’s a good person and they agree that it’s time to have the baby. Another cut to Selina having to take care of a crying baby Helena, asking why she’s crying when it’s Selina’s turn to stay at home and not Bruce’s. Selina talks to Helena, saying she’s luckier than Selina was because Selina’s mom ran off. She fucking FINALLY says something nice about her own child (”You’re a cute little kitten.”) and wonders what they’re going to do with her. The last page is old Selina and grownup Helena after Bruce’s death. Selina’s complaining about the pretty cemetery while Helena likes it. Her daughter’s ability to not shit on just everything and not be a total killjoy all the time causes Selina to say again that Helena is like Bruce. Upon Helena’s question if she’s anything like her mother, Selina answers that she’s just as stubborn as her. If she wants something, she steals it. Helena asks what she ever stole and Selina delivers the last predictable cliche of the story: “You stole my heart.”

Ugh. King’s Selina is just such a boring read. She’s not charming or interesting or sympathetic. Maybe I’m too used to a fun Selina but this one’s just a drag. A heavily pregnant Catwoman fighting Joker, yeah sure, totally not absolute bullshit. And the way Selina keeps distancing herself from the child inside her? For over 9 months?! Is she going out in that ridiculous catsuit because she wants to cause a miscarriage, is that it? So she doesn’t have to make a decision like abortion, adoption or leaving the baby with Bruce? Her constant cussing over the situation and crying and whining turns the pregnancy of my favorite DC couple into such a depressing ordeal.

The art is very pretty! Thank God.

4/10

Story #4: The Catwoman of Earth by Jeff Parker

After the depressing pregnancy of Catwoman, we switch to the wacky 60s version of her. Catwoman and her henchmen are robbing a science fair when suddenly, a UFO arrives. WTF?! Four aliens and a robot are beamed down to the surface and the group’s leader, an arrogant jock-like guy proclaims that they will take over the planet and enslave humanity. Catwoman angrily stands up to him. Turns out the evil aliens are sexist too when the male one tells Catwoman females have to ask for permission to speak and the female alien in the group unhappily agrees. The jock alien tells the muscly male alien to dispose of Catwoman but she’s not easy to dispose of! She fights off the brawler, she cuts the tentacles off the tentacle alien (someone WILL jerk off to that one panel), dodges the jock’s laser gun, steals the laser gun with her whip, shoots the robot to bits, and lets the police take the males away. The female alien seems much happier now and invites Catwoman to a flight around the world in the UFO. Catwoman suggests a trip to Paris so she can loot the Louvre.

Aliens and Catwoman don’t mix. I didn’t really care for this story. I mean it’s great to see Catwoman in action and taking down four guys on her own but... aliens and Catwoman just don’t mix. It was a bit jarring to me. Also the aliens’ designs weren’t super interesting. They were basically pink elves.

The art is beautiful. Catwoman looks like Julie Newmar and the entire color scheme is very 60s.

4/10

Story #5: A Cat of Nine Tales by Liam Sharp

Catwoman’s caught stealing a diamond necklace by an armed security guard. He seems a bit scared of her but knows it’s his job to stop her. She’s not engaging in a fight - of course not, he has a gun pointed at her! So instead, Catwoman relies on her talking skills. And intimidation skills. She tells the guard that there are 9 ways their situation could play out: 1. The guard lets her tie him up and escape with the necklace. 2. She beats his ass. 3. He kills her. 4. She scratches his eyes out. 5. He slips and gets knocked out. 6. He fires his gun, misses her, and the bullet ricochets until it kills him.  7. They team up. 8. She gives up. 9. She kills him. However, the story ends with the guard fainting because Catwoman’s just so damn scary.

Very short, very simple. Even the art is simple, on one page there are 3 very similar panels with only minor changes. Nothing memorable but not too bad. It shows how Catwoman can take someone out even without touching them. It’s okay.

The art reminds me of a comic from the 80s or maybe 90s. Hard to describe why. Guess you have to see it. Again, it’s okay.

5/10

Story #6: Little Bird by Mindy Newell

Selina learns from a news report that a priceless mezuzah has been found at a flea market. It’s currently at the Jewish Museum of Gotham City and Selina immediately steals it. Later, Batman shows up at her place and asks why she wants the mezuzah. She doesn’t give him much of an answer so he leaves. Pretty pointless scene I would say. A flashback reveals that a young Selina used to live with a Jewish lady. I dunno, I guess she’s a foster mother? And the woman liked Selina so much and considered her family so she gave her that mezuzah to pass it on to her own kids one day (even though Selina doesn’t want kids, is not related to the lady, and isn’t Jewish). Back to the present, Selina’s punishing a client. That prostitute background made an unwanted comeback for this story because Selina’s resisting and denying herself love so she’s “whoring”, to prove to herself how despicable she is. Okay...? There’s an inner turmoil going on, she’s torn between selling the artefact or not. Eventually, she decides to bring the mezuzah back to the lady she used to live with. The lady’s grown old and demented, lives in a home and is at the verge of dying. Selina places an envelop between the lady’s hands and leaves. The home’s director finds the envelop which contains the mezuzah, an official document which basically ensures that the lady will be taken care of before and after her death, and a poetic note from Selina.

My least favorite story out of them all - and that is quite an accomplishment when there are King and Nocenti in the same book! It had that Frank “I’m an insane sexist racist asshole” Miller prostitute bullshit in it and Selina hating herself again. This time, the “whoring” (and this word is not me, it’s from the actual story) is used as a way of self-punishment. Because it’s disgusting and wrong and Selina only does it to torture herself. Dunno if that’s the right message you wanna send here... The Jewish lady was kinda random to me because Selina’s not Jewish and never has been Jewish. This is not a negative point, it’s just so random. And the Batman scene was pointless, I have no idea what purpose it served. Except for showing us Batman pay Selina like a john and having Selina make jokes about “whoring.” Ugh.

The art was great, very clean.

1/10

Story #7: Born to Kiln by Chuck Dixon

Going from my least favorite to my favorite story in this book!

Catwoman knows there’s a diamond in a safe on a boat that is set to leave the harbour in the morning. So she climbs aboard at night to steal the gem. She finds several dead sailors and they’re all covered in mud. Who could have done this? Yes, you guessed right - it’s Clayface! He’s already at the safe, opens it, and retrieves the big stone. Catwoman reveals herself and aims a fire hose at him. Her confidence, however, dies the moment the hose doesn’t work. Clayface swallows the diamond and starts chasing after her. There’s apparently a machine to spray-paint cars on the boat so she lures him inside, activates the paint to blind him, and the hot lamps for the drying process immobilise the big pile of mud. Now that he’s nothing more than hard clay, Catwoman takes a wrench to him and takes the freed diamond.

FINALLY a story I really, really like from beginning to end! First off, IT’S PURPLE CATWOMAN!!! Selina is wearing my favorite costume, the iconic Jim Balent suit from her 90s solo run in this story - and I LOVE IT!!! Yeah, her boobs are quite loose in it and sometimes dangle in strange ways but fuck it! LOL I prefer hanging boobs over a tight corset that should reduce her agility or a back breaking pose anytime! We get sneaky Selina, we get playful Selina, we get over confident Selina who has to think fast and run even faster, and she gets what she wants in the end without killing anyone.

The art is gorgeous! It’s very fluid and alive. I also absolutely adore the cute facial expressions on Kitten’s face, especially when she locks Clayface in. I miss Catwoman being fun. In this, she’s just adorable and not sexualised at all.

8/10

Story #8: Conventional Wisdom by Will Pfeifer

Selina finds herself at a Bat Con and is supposed to give autographs. The whole scenario seems weird and confusing to her, she doesn’t remember how she got there or what is going on. Bruce, Joker, Riddler, and Two-Face being there with her to give autographs is even weirder. And why does no one except for her react to that unconscious, bloody man on the floor?! On her way to her panel, she runs into several cosplayers which is basically only fan service. But you will find the male, dark-skinned version of me at her panel, asking when the fuck she will finally put that 90s suit back on!!! The dialogues keep breaking the fourth wall, pointing out that this story is about to end. One of the panel’s attendees looks like Marvel’s Taskmaster and another is Selina herself in her Catwoman suit. Selina slowly remembers what happened: The Taskmaster dude is Doctor Destiny, she broke into his lair and stole his reality distorter, a little machine she’s been carrying around for the entire story. She smashes the machine to wake up back in the lair and cracks her knuckles, ready to take down Doctor Destiny and his goons.

And it was all a dream! That twist has never been a favorite of mine. Even though it’s not really a twist; you know immediately that it’s a dream. We don’t learn anything new about Selina or see anything Catwoman-y in this. It’s really basically fan service. They wanted Selina to see and interact with real life fans of hers so they made it happen. She also comments on various versions of her costume. It’s cute but kinda forgettable.

The art is good, it’s rare to see light and bright colors in a Catwoman book so it was a nice change. And the cosplayers looked nice. But they could have used different body types to make the fans more diverse and visually appealing.

3/10

Story #9: Addicted to Trouble by Ram V

And here we are, the premiere of the duo that will take over Catwoman’s current solo run from #23 onward. We get a first taste of the writing and art and I must say it’s a good taste.

This short story serves as a continuation of Joelle Jones’ #21 issue where at the end of the arc, Selina and her sister Maggie left Gotham in a purple car. So we see a short recap of how they got the car and where they were headed but unfortunately, the engine dies. They hitchhike to Memphis. Selina’s frustrated that Maggie doesn’t talk to her. They get drunk and start a fight at a bar. The cops show up and arrest them. While sitting in the back of the cop car, the girls start laughing together and steal the car. They leave behind their luggage which only contains stuff they won’t miss - including Selina’s cat funeral dress. They drive back to Gotham, Selina steals food and drinks on the way, and they cuddle on a rooftop overlooking the city. The story cuts to Selina and Leandro, a character I would know if I had continued the Jones run. She tells him she wants to lay low for a while and stay out of trouble. When he asks “Oh? Really?”, Selina throws a naughty smile towards the reader. Yeah yeah, lay low my ass. :D

First off, I have no idea what happened before the road trip, I don’t know why they took it or why Maggie doesn’t talk or what the purpose of all of this was because all they do is get drunk, fight an entire bar, and go back. No idea what that accomplished. And I feel sorry for the car because it was so gorgeous. Anyway, I am happy to say that Ram V has a great writing style! He gave a good voice to Selina, it sounded very natural and like a human would talk, no forced exposition or fake deepness.

The art was good, there were a few expressive faces and the bar fight was well executed.

5/10 (because I don’t know the context)

Story #10: The Art of Picking A Lock by Ed Brubaker

Instead of ending with a transition to the next Catwoman issue (which I would have preferred), the collection offers one more story and it’s written by the man who successfully handled the second half of Selina’s first solo run. He turned her stories more into the film noir direction and gave her sidekicks. The run also gave her a fugly suit and made her have sex with old men and Brubaker wanted to kill her off and have her not know who the father to her unborn child was so... yeah, I’m torn about that guy.

The last story shows us Catwoman breaking into a warehouse full of Joker goons while thinking about the thrill of breaking locks and how she learned how to do it when she was at a juvenile detention center. She beats them all up and demands to know where “he” is. Later, her friend Holly is on a motorcycle chasing after a cab while Catwoman is riding on top of a subway. Both reach Gotham’s harbor. We see that the cab is filled with Joker gas and the driver is laughing maniacally. Holly can’t reach the cab in time and it drives off into the water. Catwoman swings down and jumps after it. She breaks the trunk open and reveals a handcuffed Slam Bradley. Cut to the three back on dry land. Holly chides him for going after Joker alone and not waiting for backup. He admits that it was dumb, then shares intel on where Joker will strike and Selina should tell “her friend.” She says she will and Slam ends the book with the words that he could really use a cigarette. NO, this book was not that good that it would warrant a cigarette at the end!

This short obviously takes place during the second half of the first solo run. We see Catwoman in action, that’s cool. Taking down almost a dozen of armed Joker henchmen, that’s pretty badass! And a woman saves the man damsel in distress at the end, that’s a nice ending as well. However, I don’t care about the costume so the visual appeal wasn’t there and I really don’t care about Slam Bradley so the reveal at the end was pretty ugh to me.

The art is great! It’s like a modernised/smoother version of Darwyn Cooke’s style, the artist Brubaker worked on the Catwoman title in the 00s with. So that gives it a pretty nostalgic feel. 

5/10

In addition to the 10 stories we’ve now covered, there are pages to show off the Catwoman costumes of each decade as well as pinups. The costume pages are designed in the decade’s style (the 40s are black and white, the 60s psychedelic etc). But what I don’t get about the 90s one: It’s purple Catwoman grayed out in the background and gray BTAS Catwoman in color in the foreground - why make the purple outfit gray when you have an already gray outfit?! Just switch them! Also who put together the 70s one, couldn’t they find better costume examples?!

The seven pinups are pretty, unfortunately the majority feature the black outfits. I was surprised that even Tim Sale drew the black costume and not the purple one from his Long Halloween series. We get one of the gray BTAS costume and Jim Balent thankfully gives us BatCat with his purple creation. Nice!

Well, looking back at my personal scores for this collection of stories, Catwoman’s anniversary issue reached a total of 44/100 points in my book. Wow. That’s... not that good.

Most of the stories ranged from average to bad. Nothing spectacular, nothing memorable. There’s a lack of witty dialogue, Catwoman’s rarely fun to watch. In six stories she’s seen fighting, in three she’s seen being chased so I’m missing the variety here. I would assume you can do more with Catwoman than that. She often rather fights instead of using her wits and smarts. And actual cats are only featured in two stories but in one they die and in the other, Selina says she should drown them. -_- 

A collection of 10 new stories was a great idea but celebrating the character this is not. I’m happy that the next writer for Catwoman left a positive impression on me and the story feat. Balent’s Catwoman was a delight. However, the writers didn’t really bring their “A” game for this anniversary issue which is disappointing.

Would I recommend it? Hmmm. It pains me to say: not really, no. You don’t miss much by skipping it. You don’t miss sassy lines or breathtaking art, you don’t miss out on funny scenes or emotional depth. This anniversary issue is merely average and I highly doubt I’ll go back to reread it.

(a huge THANK YOU to everyone who read this entire, way too long post! i highly appreciate it 💜you’re a real trooper!)

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

Katabasis Patterns in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Or, in which I make use of my official Classics minor (and my unofficial film nerd minor) while ignoring my French major altogether.

Howdy, everyone, and welcome to this week’s episode of Extremely On My Bullshit!  Today we’re going to talk at length about how the trip to Davy Jones’ Locker in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End borrows elements from various classical narratives containing a katabasis, or a trip to the Underworld.  This will be a slightly Tumblr-ified version of an actual paper I wrote for my Classical Antiquity On Screen final.

Shoutout to this post by @charlesdances, which allowed me to infodump about Hades/Persephone parallels in Barbossa and Elizabeth’s relationship across the trilogy, and to @aye-tortuga for requesting this longer post, which I teased at the end of the aforementioned meta.

Right then, let’s get started!  Under a cut to spare your dashes from long post made longer still by screencaps and works cited (yep, it’s that kind of meta).  For the purposes of this meta, only the first three Pirates films will be considered canon as the later sequels contradicted elements of the established lore.

I touched on this in the first paragraph, but I’ll begin by defining two words which will appear throughout this meta: katabasis and anabasis.  Katabasis and anabasis are Ancient Greek terms which refer to “that narrative . . . that portrays the hero’s descent into, and ascent from, the underworld—the journey to hell” (Holtsmark 25).  (If you want to get etymological about it, kata is down, ana is up, and baino comes from the verb meaning “to go [on foot].”)

This katabasis narrative takes place in the first act of At World’s End.  If you’ll recall, Dead Man’s Chest ended with Elizabeth chaining Jack to the Black Pearl’s mast: she knew the Kraken was only interested in Jack, so she sacrificed him to give herself and the others a chance to escape.  However, at the very end of the film, Elizabeth and the crew of the Pearl pledge to retrieve Jack from his resting place in Davy Jones’ Locker (the Underworld), and Tia Dalma offers both herself and Barbossa as guides to those “weird and haunted shores.”

So, after the cinematic fucking masterpiece that is the opening “Hoist the Colours” sequence (I also wrote a paper on that lol), we find ourselves in Singapore, where Elizabeth, Barbossa, and co. meet with the pirate lord Sao Feng in hopes of obtaining a map to the Locker.  The Singapore segment opens with Elizabeth piloting a lone craft along a murky river, evoking images of Charon with his ferryman’s pole:

As she poles the boat along, she sings a pirate tune with decidedly death-centric lyrics, tuning us in to the symbolism and themes at play: “Some men have died and some are alive / Others sail on the sea / With the keys to the cage and the Devil to pay / We lay to Fiddler’s Green.* / The bell has been raised from its watery grave / Hear its sepulchral tone . . .” (*A form of afterlife from maritime folklore)

At the end of this scene, we see something odd: Tia Dalma dressed as a blind organ grinder.

Plot-wise, this serves to divert the colonial soldiers’ attention from the pirates’ activity, but metaphorically, here she represents the blind seer Tiresias, whom Odysseus encounters when he first enters the realm of Hades (Odyssey 11.187-149).

When the pirates meet Sao Feng, the imagery starts to mix a little.  The filmmakers present Sao Feng in a somewhat Hades-esque (Hadean?) manner (steam, flames, and warm tones, with a skylight to imply subterranean depths):

However, while he is a powerful figure, he does not keep the Underworld itself (that duty falls to Jones); he merely keeps the knowledge of its entrance.  Barbossa attempts to gain this knowledge by presenting Sao Feng with a silver coin: a reminder of his duty as Pirate Lord as well as another Charon parallel.  Barbossa’s tactic does not work, but like in the previous scene, the imagery prepares viewers for the descent to come.

After getting Sao Feng’s navigational charts another way, the pirates’ journey to the underworld continues in earnest.  When Will expresses doubt about their path, Barbossa nearly quotes the Aeneid outright: “Trust me, young Master Turner: it’s not gettin’ to the Land of the Dead that’s the problem; it’s gettin’ back.”  This echoes the Cumaean Sibyl’s famous words to Aeneas: “Easy is the descent to [the Underworld]: night and day the door of gloomy Dis stands open; but to recall one’s steps and pass out to the upper air, this is the task, this the toil!” (Aeneid 6.126-129, tr. H.R. Fairclough).  Aeneas, guided by the Sibyl, passes through the mouth of a cave as part of his descent (“A deep cave there was, yawning wide and vast, of jagged rock” (Aeneid 6.237-238, cf. 6.262-263, tr. Fairclough)); likewise the pirates, guided by Barbossa and the charts, pass through a cave as they travel into stranger climes:

(Buuuut to be fair, this one is possibly just incidental or else more of a reference to Gustave Doré’s art for Rime of the Ancient Mariner rather than a reference to any specific classical text.  Doré’s artwork is used elsewhere in PotC, so it’s prolly just aesthetic.  Also caves are cool and the ultimate symbolic doorway.)

Next they come to a distant, shadowy realm with a misty sky and a sea tranquil enough to reflect starlight:

Again, this could also be incidental (and/or just a really cool homage to the sailing-to-the-moon scene in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)), but it does have a classical counterpart: “The ship took us to the deep, outermost Ocean / And the land of the Cimmerians, a people / Shrouded in mist.  The sun never shines there [...] Nor bathes them in the glow of its last golden rays; / Their wretched sky is always racked with night’s gloom” (Odyssey 11.14-19).

Both of these qualities—the cave and the darkness—fit Holtsmark’s observations on katabatic patterns: “The entryway to the other world is often conceived as lying in caves or grottoes or other openings in the earth’s crust into the nether regions, such as chasms or clefts. . . . The lower world is generally dank and dark, and the journey usually takes place at dusk or during the night” (Holtsmark 25).

At last, the pirates’ ship goes over the edge of an enormous waterfall and the screen fades to black.  Voices from the original Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride echo over the dark screen, ending with the ominous phrase “Dead men tell no tales.”  However, we shall soon see this proved very wrong, for the pirates encounter several souls with tales to tell.  As for these nameless voices, they may represent multitudes of “bloodless shades” (Metamorphoses 10.42) left to languish in other parts of the Locker/Underworld.

At this point, the narrative cuts from the pirate band to Jack in Davy Jones’ Locker.  Jack warrants special punishment from Jones for disobeying the rules of a bargain they’d once struck (*yells forever about the good parts of The Price of Freedom and the crimes wrought by the DMTNT retcons*).  Jack’s own special hell, recalling the punishments of Tantalus and Sisyphus (Odyssey 11.611-629), does include his beloved Black Pearl (explicitly stated, by Jack himself, to be a symbol of personal freedom), but now it rests completely beached upon an endless, windless salt flat.  Jack is utterly alone in this wasteland, save for a crew of his own imaginary doppelgängers.

(I’m gonna be real with y’all: I don’t care for this scene at all and it brings the narrative to a screeching halt, so let’s just take a moment to angstily reflect on how profoundly this affects Jack-the-character’s psyche/mental state for the rest of the film and move on to better things.  God bless RPers and fic writers who deal with this scene and its effects in a deliciously Watsonian way.)

Tia Dalma/Calypso’s crabs eventually come to bear both captain and ship back to the sea.  This could be seen as classical-type divine aid/favoritism (a semi-literal deus ex machina) or as awkward, oh-no-what-do-we-do-now screenwriting, take your pick.  The crabs take Jack and the Pearl directly to the rest of the pirates, who have washed up on the Locker’s desolate shore.  In a twist on the classical formula, Jack initially thinks his rescuers the dead ones as they recount their past experiences.  Additionally, Jack represents a sort of Eurydice figure as the dead-in-need-of-rescuing, while his Orpheus, Elizabeth, is ironically the one who “killed” him in the first place.  All the pirates (Jack included) finally set sail in the freed Black Pearl and attempt to escape this Underworld: the anabasis has begun.

On their way out, when the sky grows dark, the crew encounter scores upon scores of shades floating aimlessly upon the sea:

This parallels Odysseus’ experience (“Then out of Erebus / The souls of the dead gathered / . . . They drifted up to the pit from all sides / With an eerie cry, and pale fear seized me” (Odyssey 11.34-35, 40-41)) as well as that of Aeneas (“Hither rushed all the [ghostly] throng, streaming to the banks . . . They stood, pleading to be the first ferried across, and stretched out hands in yearning for the farther shore” (Aeneid 6.305, 313-314)).  Tia Dalma reveals that long ago, Calypso had charged Davy Jones “to ferry those who died at sea to the Other Side,” but he has since abandoned his duty, hence his current eldritch appearance.  This explicitly posits Jones as a failed psychopomp who has now left these souls stranded like the unburied men of the Odyssey and Aeneid.

The crew leave these shades in peace until Elizabeth spots a familiar face: her father.

At this point I must ask you to rewatch this scene so you can fully appreciate the parallels without me including a lengthy transcript in this already long post.

This scene comes directly from classical literature, as both Odysseus and Aeneas encountered dead parents in the Underworld.  Odysseus saw his mother: “. . . At once / She knew me, and her words reached me on wings: / ‘My child, how did you come to the undergloom / While you are still alive?  It is hard for the living / To reach these shores.  There are many rivers to cross, / Great bodies of water, nightmarish streams, / And Ocean itself, which cannot be crossed on foot / But only in a well-built ship’” (Odyssey 11.151-158).  Like Elizabeth, Odysseus had no prior knowledge of his mother’s passing (11.170).  His mother warned him of the dangerous situation which had sprung up during his absence, just as Weatherby Swann warned the pirates of the dangers of Davy Jones’ Heart.  Aeneas likewise encountered the spirit of his father, Anchises: “‘Have you come at last[?] . . . Over what lands, what wide seas have you journeyed to my welcome! What dangers have beset you, my son!’” (Aeneid 6.687-693).  Anchises, too, offers some advice for the future, for he “tells of the wars that the hero next must wage . . . [and] how to face or flee each peril” (6.890-892).  Having Elizabeth be the one to encounter a dead parent in the Underworld confirms her as the series’ protagonist, in case that wasn’t patently obvious from the rest of the trilogy (and the failure of Pirates 4 and 5).  Weatherby Swann’s warning also serves to remind the audience of the stakes.

Finally, the pirates make their way out of the Locker.  While the remainder of their journey takes more inspiration from Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Western European folklore than classical literature, the latter’s influence on the film remains quite clear.  When the pirates return to the land of the living, it is daybreak:

(*Lawrence of Arabia theme, but on a cello*)

So, too, does Odysseus emerge from the Underworld into a new dawn: “Our ship left the River Ocean / And came to the swell of the open sea / . . . Where Dawn has her dancing grounds / And the Sun his risings” (Odyssey 12.1-5).  The pirates thus complete their katabasis/anabasis, and with rather more luck than Orpheus.

In review: The pirates begin their katabasis in Singapore, which boasts a plethora of Underworld symbolism, including a death-centric song and images of Charon, Tiresias, and Hades.  They cross various waters in their descent, mirroring locations from Homer and Vergil, and Barbossa quotes the Cumaean Sibyl.  Elizabeth and the pirates retrieve Jack from the Locker’s punishments in a twist on the Orpheus and Eurydice myth.  Like Odysseus and Aeneas, Elizabeth sees her dead parent in the Underworld, who warns her of things to come.  In the end, the pirates emerge from the Underworld into the light of dawn, signalling their return to life.  By borrowing from Homer, Vergil, and Ovid, At World’s End presents an Underworld narrative which is familiar in structure and yet easily incorporated into a new mythology: “Same story, different versions.”

(Please message me if you’d like to quote/reference this post in a paper and I can give you my name + details on the official version!  Plagiarism is shitty and unnecessary!)

WORKS CITED

Crispin, A.C.  Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom.  Disney Editions, 2011.

Fairclough, H.R., translator.  The Aeneid.  1916.  By Vergil.  Theoi Project, www.theoi.com/Text/VirgilAeneid6.html.  Accessed 4 May 2019.

Holtsmark, Erling B.  “The Katabasis Theme in Modern Cinema.”  Classical Myth & Culture in Modern Cinema, edited by Martin M. Winkler, Oxford University Press, 2001, pp. 23-50.

Homer.  The Odyssey.  The Essential Homer, translated and edited by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2000, pp. 241-482.

Ovid.  Metamorphoses.  Translated by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2010.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Chow Yun-Fat, Geoffrey Rush, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2007.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2005.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2003.

[thedollarcrate]

50 Best Albums (That I Own on Vinyl) of the Decade

It’s hard to comprehend how much transpires over the course of a decade or wrap your head around how long (or short) of time that really is.

But what better way to try than to make a list!

Now, I know “Best of” lists like this one are inherently subjective – and probably say more about their maker’s preferences than actually reflecting the best music released in a particular time period. And, I’ll be the first to admit that the list below is incredibly limited, and that I need to widen my exposure to more artists and genres.

But hey, this is all in fun.

So feel free to debate, pick apart or share your own favorite albums from the past decade. But before you dive in, just a few quick points for context:

-I only ranked albums I actually own on vinyl released between 2010 and 2019, which limited my choices to about 170 records.

-I only ranked new music released this past decade, so no reissues or older material released for the first time (sorry Prince’s Piano & A Microphone and Originals).

-I first started buying vinyl around ’09-’10 and started off purchasing mostly new releases before my habits shifted and I started looking for older records. This shows in the list below – nearly a quarter of the albums below were released in 2010 and almost 70% from the first half of the decade.

And we’re off…

50. Centipede Hz, Animal Collective (2012)

Let’s be honest, it was impossible for Animal Collective to top a universally acclaimed and era-defining album – and it was unfair to expect them to. But maybe the continuous onslaught of bizarre and eclectic music found on Centipede Hz was just what we needed after all.

49. Singles, Future Islands (2014)

So much more than Sam Herring’s pelvis busting dance moves and “Seasons (Waiting On You),” every track on Singlesbursts with life and heart pumping  energy. To quote Letterman: I’ll take all of that you got.

48. Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph, Frog Eyes (2010)

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Carey Mercer’s lyrics, but I’m certain I’ll never tire of getting lost in his hidden words and knotty melodies.

47. Leaving Atlanta, Gentleman Jesse (2012)

Thirty seven minutes of Pure Power Pop Perfection (note the capital “Ps”).

46. Burst Apart, The Antlers (2011)

If there’s another album with a song titled “Putting the Dog to Sleep” that is as haunting and beautiful as this one, I don’t want to know about it.

45. Carrion Crawler/The Dream, Thee Oh Sees (2011)

With John Dwyer churning out record after record in the ‘10s, it should come as no surprise that at least one landed on this list (and they’re all great). Garage rock. Surf rock. Post-punk rock. Psych rock. Noise rock. Rock rock. I don’t care what you call it, Thee Oh Sees put the pedal to the metal on Carrion Crawler/The Dream, taking you for a wild ride that never lets up.

44. 1989, Taylor Swift (2014)

Irresistibly catchy, everyone needs to satisfy their pop sweet tooth every now and then. 1989 is so sugary, it might just give you a cavity or two.

43. City Music, Kevin Morby (2017)

The city. The countryside. A beach. Aboard a train. At the pearly gates. It doesn’t matter where you listen to City Music because Kevin Morby’s jams will immediately transport you to your own laid back, happy place.

42. Remind Me Tomorrow, Sharon Van Etten (2019)

You’ll regret it if you keep waiting to listen this powerhouse – and powerful – synth-soaked record.

41. You Want It Darker, Leonard Cohen (2016)

It doesn’t get much darker, bleaker or sparse than this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way from the masterful Leonard Cohen.

40. American Dream, LCD Soundsystem (2017)

Retirement never sounded so good.

39. Capacity, Big Thief (2017)

Quietly captivating, mesmerizing and elegant, Big Thief knock you out without you even realizing it.

38. St. Vincent, St. Vincent (2014)

Annie Clark’s shapeshifting album won’t only shred your face off, it somehow makes you feel smarter, too.

37. Before Today, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (2010)

So, so weird and so, so good.

36. Expo 86, Wolf Parade (2010)

Like #50, Wolf Parade might always live in the shadow and expectations of a towering classic, yet somehow Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner still continually craft eccentric and bombastic rock albums. Expo 86 is no exception, and it is an underrated classic in its own right.

35. Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)

Like a sunset or sunrise, Golden Hour radiates beauty and warmth with each of its glowing tracks.

34. Yuck, Yuck (2011)

Despite their name and its hideous album cover, there’s nothing gross about Yuck’s infectious indie rock.

33. Play It Strange, The Fresh & Onlys (2010)

I once saw The Fresh & Onlys play at a tiny club in D.C. It might’ve been the loudest show I’ve ever been to – my ears rang for days. This record is just as rollicking, hazy and good as that show was loud.

32. Natalie Prass, Natalie Prass (2015)

There’s a reason “Welcome to 1979” is stamped in tiny letters on this vinyl’s inner ring – it’s silky smooth, filled with impeccable soft ballads and finely tuned jams – and just a tinge of funk.

31. I Am Easy To Find, The National (2019)

Few bands matched the consistent output of quality albums in the ‘10s as The National. They had one heck of a run, and I Am Easy To Find was a fascinating way to end it – a 21st rock album that felt more complex and expansive than anything they’d done before.

30. Melodrama, Lorde (2018)

Everything a pop record should be and then some – bold, breathtaking and exuberant.

29. Just Enough Hip To Be Woman, Broncho (2014)

If you can’t tell from its playful title, this pop rock album wants nothing more than to have fun – and it succeeds on every level.

28. Avi Buffalo, Avi Buffalo (2010)

Sometimes all you want is a light, sunny and meandering album to wash over you and get lost in, and this one will do the trick every time.

27. Hippies, Harlem (2010)

Imagine a band practicing inside a garage inside a garage inside another garage and you’ve got Harlem. This is garage rock to the max – and at its rambunctious best.

26. Puberty 2, Mitski (2016)

It’s hard to describe Puberty 2. Sure, it might sound like simple dreamy indie rock, but it ebbs and flows in unexpected ways that leaves you guessing where it’s heading next.

25. mbv, My Bloody Valentine (2013)

Picking up right where they left off – even if it was more than a decade later – My Bloody Valentine reminded everyone why they are the masters of reverb soaked shoegaze.

24. A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead (2016)

Even after all these years and albums, Radiohead still found a way to reinvent themselves and push the boundaries of rock music – and our expectations of them. With gorgeous arrangements and slow-burning, tension filled tracks, AMSP proves that even Radiohead can still take risks – and proves rock bands can make quiet, intimate songs sound epic. Oh yeah, and it has “True Love Waits.”

23. Art Angels, Grimes (2015)

Grimes gave us the future of pop music before most could even envision it. This laid the groundwork for all the challenging and intricate – and danceable – pop music that would follow. And it still sounds ahead of its time.

22. Meet Me At The Muster Station, PS I Love You (2010)

The first sounds out of Paul Saulnier’s mouth on Meet Me At The Munster Station aren’t words at all but two short, ecstatic yelps. And this same boundless energy and passion bleeds through on every fuzzy, raucous second of every track. Did I mention there’s a song called “Butterflies & Boners”?

21. More Than Any Other Day, Ought (2014)

You really ought to listen to Ought if you aren’t already. Tim Darcy and co. sound a bit uneasy, paranoid and self-aware, but they make the most minute challenges sound so exhilarating and life-altering – even the struggle deciding between two percent and whole milk at the grocery store.

20. Lemonade, Beyoncé (2017)

All hail Queen Bey.

19. Twin-Hand Movement, Lower Dens (2010)

This album sounds like 2 am on a dark, rainy Saturday night – in the best way imaginable.

18. Tomboy, Panda Bear (2011)

You can always count on Panda Bear to make hypnotic, loopy electronic music sound so breezy and effortless.

17. Modern Vampires Of The City, Vampire Weekend (2013)

I don’t know why, but I want to dislike Vampire Weekend so much. But that’s impossible when their music is so damn good and every note sounds so neat and perfect.

16. Past Life Martyred Saints, EMA (2011)

Just do yourself and listen to this album please.

15. The Archandroid, Janelle Monáe (2010)

Blending too many genres to count, this is what I imagine music sounds like in space.

14. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens (2015)

I’ll let you know how I feel about this one after I stop crying.

13. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire (2010)

It’s everything you either love or hate about Arcade Fire. Grand, sincere and sweeping rock that swings for the fences with every guitar chord, drumbeat and horn blast. I love it.

12. Silence Yourself, Savages (2013)

Savages grab you by the throat and never let go – this is one intense album.

11. Helplessness Blues, Fleet Foxes (2011)

This might be the epitome of ‘10s indie rock – and for good reason. Introspective, sensitive and searching for some greater meaning, Robin Pecknold holds nothing back and lays it all out on Helplessness Blues.

10. Kaputt, Destroyer (2011)

Dan Bejar is an enigma and seemingly reluctant rock star. I saw him perform an acoustic set where he spent a majority of the time playing with his back towards the audience (although in fairness, it was at a free outdoor show on a college campus with people mostly chatting obnoxiously over him), and yet it’s as if his creativity requires him to constantly release new albums and show them off. Kaputt is as equally strange and mysterious – and just as creative – as its maker.

9. Black Star, David Bowie (2016)

Take away the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding this album’s release and it would still be in the top tier of David Bowie’s extensive catalogue. Experimenting until the very end, Bowie morphed into something entirely new one last time. Part jazz, part rock and part I’m not sure what you would call it, the results were once again out of this world. He couldn’t give it all away, but we’re sure thankful for what he could.

8. Bon Iver, Bon Iver (2011)

Shedding the cabin in the woods vibe, Justin Vernon took a giant leap forward with Bon Iver and made ‘80s soft rock popular.

7. Celebration Rock, Japandroids (2012)

Perhaps the most aptly named album on this list, no other album exudes the joy of making music and rocking out with your buddy than this one. It’s hard to believe all that noise and energy comes from just two people.

6. Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (2014)

Angel Olsen’s hypnotic and seductive vocals, lyrics and guitar suck you in immediately, mesmerizing you from the first gentle strums to the peaks and valleys of “Lights Out” and “Stars” all the way to the closer’s pulsing drumbeats and majestic piano.

5. Black Messiah, D'Angelo And The Vanguard (2015)

Oozing with cool, sexy and confident R&B funk, D’Angelo returned after 14 years with an instant soul masterpiece.

4. The Monitor, Titus Andronicus (2010)

It says a lot when a band can a.) make an hour plus punk rock record b.) loosely base it on the Civil War c.) quote Abraham Lincoln d.) close it out with a 14 minute track inspired by a famous naval battle and e.) still make you want to listen to it over and over and over again.

3. Lost In The Dream, The War On Drugs (2014)

The rare album that can feel vast and ambitious and yet deeply private and personal all at once. You really will get lost in these soaring songs.

2. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter (2010)

At times perfectly melodic and structured and at others feeling on the brink of falling apart, Halcyon Digest is a paradox – sounding peaceful, bright and idyllic while also peering over the edge into something darker. This is a remarkable record from a remarkable band. If not for the abrupt end to the darkly beautiful closer “He Would Have Laughed,” Halcyon Digest sounds like it could go on forever.

1. Let England Shake, PJ Harvey (2011)

A stunning, thought-provoking, and moving – not to mention endlessly listenable – transcendent piece of art about life and the Great War. PJ Harvey doesn’t hold back on the brutality and absurdity of armed conflict, and the album’s devastating closing track – “The Colour of the Earth” – will linger in your mind long after the record stops spinning. As powerful today as it was eight years ago, this album will remain timely and important for years – and decades – to come.

[lukaafrancesca]

Writing Tips: A Master Post

These are writing tips, rules, and habits that I picked up over the years. This is just what works for me, not necessarily what will work for everyone. As with ALL writing advice, if anything I say here deters or discourages you from your writing, DO NOT LISTEN TO THE ADVICE AND WRITE HOW YOU WANT TO WRITE. Advice is supposed to help you get better where you feel you’re lacking, not prohibit you from doing something you like. Remember that even if your goal is to write for a wider audience, if you hate writing, you’ll never finish, therefore anything that makes you hate writing needs to be eliminated from your life, or at the very least, eliminated from your drafting phase of writing. Write for yourself and your happiness first and foremost, especially in the first draft. That’s you. That’s personal. That’s joy. If you’re already having fun, don’t listen to a word I say or read any further until you’re seriously considering refining your story into something you want to sell. Disclaimer: While I have won prize money for poetry, I am by no means an expert author, nor am I officially published yet with any sort of prestige. If authority matters to you, there are plenty of published authors that also have guides on how to get your work published. While good advice can come from anyone, it is important to disclose that I am not an expert and I do not have a fool-proof plan for how to write well or how to be published. This is just a collection of what I’ve learned over the years and things I think would be important to my younger self. So without further ado, writing advice. Outlining: While I don’t outline the way you might have learned in English/Literature class in school, I do have a similar process. For my writing, I create an appendix/guide/glossary type of thing. It’s a collection of key words, characters, places, items, and events written specifically for the story or the world my story is set in. I know they call it a "Bible" when it comes to TV shows, but I'm not sure the term applies to writing books. But you can call it your project bible. I call it my project appendix, but I know the term isn’t quite right, so for the remainder I will refer to it as “the project bible.” This is where you write down everything important that you want to be in your book, even details that you don’t want to reveal expressly to the readers. Someone has a mother that they don’t know is their mother? Write it in your project bible. Have a Magic McGuffin that does something super special that your reader is only supposed to find out about in the eleventh hour? Put it in the project bible. Have a really nifty idea for a scene? Put it in the bible. I do this so that I don't forget details and accidentally write down contradictory information. You can do this with or instead of a general outline or as part of your brainstorming phase when plotting ideas for your book. Remember to revisit the project bible often to add in characters you created spur of the moment or to add in any cool ideas you think up while writing. While you shouldn’t add to the project bible during your dedicated writing time so you don’t disrupt your flow, if it’s a detail that’s not relevant to your current chapter, you should definitely write it down if you’re habitually forgetful like I am. But what I prefer to do is to write a note at the end of the current chapter and add it to the project bible when the chapter is finished.  Beginning Writing (and the First Stumbling Block): Once my project bible is more or less complete, I start writing from the beginning. Then I get stuck and have writers block and cry. Then I play video games to cope with my performance anxiety. Then I wait 3 months for inspiration. This is the stage you want to avoid. Don't be like me. Instead, set a schedule. Have one or two hours a day set aside to write. I find I do best when I write first thing in the morning. This time is JUST for writing. Do not do research during this time, do not check social media, do not add to the project bible at this time unless absolutely necessary. You sit down and write and you do not stop for anything except the bathroom or an emergency. You do not backtrack. You do not rewrite. You do not read back what you wrote. You just write. If you get to a detail you're not sure of or a word you can't spell just get as close as you can to the general idea, write in a symbol or an uncommon letter pattern (TK is the standard) so that if you're on a computer you can Ctrl+F back to that spot during the editing phase. Write during that hour or two non-stop until you finish the chapter. You can keep going from there if you have lots of time dedicated to writing, but once I finish a chapter, I go into the Alpha Edit. If you have lots of time dedicated to writing and you’re in the flow, DO NOT STOP. Stopping is what gives you time to be self-critical, and that’s a major stumbling block for me. If you have the flow, DO NOT STOP. If your dedicated writing period is longer than 4 hours (and it may be because 2020 is a hell year and some of us don’t have jobs right now) remember to get up, stretch, drink water, and consume calories. But if you can avoid breaking your flow without detriment, DO IT. Flow is one of the most important things to writing, and a good flow can have you cranking out 50 pages in a single day if you’re lucky. Good flow can see you finish a short story in 3 days. My good flow days are the most valuable to me. When they come to you, do your best not to waste them.

Alpha Editing Phase: Once the chapter is done, reread it. Out loud is best so you can check the flow. If you stumble across a word, rewrite the sentence so it flows better. If you have any TK notes or words you want to change, this is the time to do research and change the notes. You do not have to do this during your scheduled writing time, but doing it during that time helps keep routine and trains your brain to want to write during that time. Just remember that if you do your editing during your writing time, you should try to work on writing your next chapter during at least half of your dedicated writing time. If you find something inconsistent with your outline or lore, change it. The editing phase is the ideal time to consult your project bible, add notes to it, and check for inconsistencies. If you have to "delete" something, DO NOT DELETE IT. Copy and paste it into a deleted scenes file with context (surrounding sentences) in case you want to use the idea or sentence somewhere else or want to change back to it during the final edit. If you're changing the sentence, that's fine. Most sentence changes only need to change the specific words but not what’s actually being said. But if you delete a sentence or paragraph or scene or passage, save it with context. You can keep it just for you, or you can refer to it during a later edit in case you change your mind again. Once you have all your spelling correct and all your TK notes filled with the proper information you have some choices. You either continue on to the next chapter if you're writing a book to publish all at once, or you move on to your beta reader if you're serializing your work. Beta readers come in after your book is done or after the chapter you want to publish is done. Beta Readers: After your alpha edit, get a few people to look over your work. All of them can be friends and family, but beware of "yes men." If your friends and family only ever say your work is good, find a more critical audience. While it’s nice to have praise, if none of your beta readers ever ask you to change anything, you run the risk of missing things that are detrimental to your work like errors with tone, clunky exposition dumps, writing about a sensitive subject without any sensitivity, and many other stumbling blocks. A beta reader can be your friend, but they shouldn’t ALWAYS put your feelings over the quality of your manuscript. A quality beta reader will sometimes butt heads with you, and it’s important you listen when they do. While a beta reader does not replace an editor, editors cost money, and a good beta reader will save you some time with your editor if you choose to hire one for your work when it’s completed. A beta reader’s primary usefulness is that their fresh eyes will catch spelling and grammar errors you and your software might miss and they'll be able to check for issues with tone, consistent lore, tedious exposition, run on sentences, and a myriad of other details that you might not be able to catch.  After the beta readers, you do a Beta Edit. You take all that advice you got from your betas, decide whether to follow it or not, and then change whatever you need to about the story. After that, sit on your “finished” chapter for a week. Do not look at it, do not reread it unless you need to check a plot detail for a future chapter (which should probably be in your outline/ project bible anyway but not everyone uses an outline.) Basically do not look at or think about your "finished" chapter for a week. This is so you yourself have fresh eyes when you revisit it. The "Final" Edit: I say final in quotes because serialized work may need to be retconned or edited in the future so the edit might not always be final unless it's for a completed book. During the final edit, you read it one last time, aloud. Ideally, your book will be done for this stage, but if you publish through a site like Inkitt or Tablo, the urge to serialize a work to get feedback is very strong in the digital age and I don’t blame you at all for wanting to publish a finished chapter to get feedback before your actual book is finished. (Please be wary of the terms and conditions of the site you choose to publish to if you publish a serialized work through a publishing site. If a site mentions having exclusive rights to your content, it’s not a good idea to publish through them if you plan to publish the final work through a different venue or seek traditional publishing and are using the site for archival and viewership purposes.) If you didn't have an outline before, write one as you read back your work. If you have one, make sure, as you read, that it's consistent with the outline. When you're done read the outline and make sure everything you wanted in the book/chapter is in the book/chapter, make sure the lore is consistent, make sure you like it. Make any final corrections. Check your deleted scenes and make sure there's nothing that you want to keep in there. You may choose to keep your deleted scenes file, as I do, but you may also wish to delete it once the book is finished. While either of these choices are entirely yours, remember that every deleted scene is still something you put work into, and there’s no shame in recycling some of the prose into a later story with different characters. Publishing: Decide whether to pursue traditional or digital self-publishing. On scams and more check here.  Digital Self-Publishing: Amazon is a tempting option, especially because many readers will search for books exclusively on Amazon because they are one of the cheapest options around and even if you publish traditionally, your publishing house will usually still sell through Amazon. While I personally don’t like Amazon on principle for it’s poor treatment of warehouse workers, it is worth considering that Amazon’s competitors are not well known and you have very little chance at success when Amazon is the leading name in online book and eBook retail. If you decide to go with another online publishing company, make sure they don’t have exclusive rights to your work so you can bail if a better offer comes along or if they start going under. Signing a contract or publishing exclusively limits you so if you do decide to go that route make absolutely sure you trust the company you’ll be making your business partner by publishing through them. If you decide to publish through Amazon as an E-Book, I recommend doing it yourself. Don't pay for a service that does it for you (I mentioned Inkitt and Tablo and while I do use their services for sharing my work with friends and the public, I would not elect to publish through them since the only benefit to me is that they can do the hard work for me and I’d much rather do it myself.) You can buy your own ISBN numbers and commission cover art from artists so really there's nothing you can't do yourself when it comes to self-publishing, you just need to know-how. Make sure you have the right to use the image you have on your cover, either by designing it yourself, commissioning it from an artist or photographer, or by using a royalty-free image. Remember that some fonts also require royalties if you use them commercially! Double check that you have the rights to use the typeface you have on your cover and in your book. Keep in mind that if you want to have a physical copy of your book that you need to check that the digital publishing service you choose has a print-to-order option. Amazon does, but not every site will. The Cons of Digital Self-Publishing: If you self-publish, don't expect to sell more than 1000 copies without doing some SERIOUS advertising on your own. Digital self-publishing has the perks of letting you keep more of your profits and rights, but it also has it’s downsides, namely that if you want to maximize profits AND sell more than 1000 copies, you need to do all the legwork yourself. A bookstore won’t just buy your book to put on shelves just because it exists, especially not stores like Barnes and Noble. Find the small, local bookshops in your area, get a couple books printed off and ask if they’d like to host an event for your book release. Tell everyone you meet that you wrote a book and show off your personal copy. Find online book groups and advertise there (Remember to advertise often, but not more than, say, 3 times a day for a week. There’s a point where getting the word out becomes blatant spam and spam will reduce and not increase interest.) If your local library takes donations, get a copy printed and donate it. Offer free or discounted copies to YouTubers that do book reviews in exchange for reviews and feedback. Have a Patreon or website where people can find you. If you’re willing to shell out cash and take risks, pay for ads/promoted posts on Facebook and other social media outlets. Go out to events in your hometown or nearby cities and promote the hell out of your book. Rub elbows. Keep a couple signed copies in your trunk and go ham. If you see someone reading a book, start up a conversation, ask them about their book. If it’s anything like yours, tell them that you’ve been reading a good book recently and name drop your own book if you think they won’t remember you or talk about a similar book that inspired you and let them know you wrote a book of your own. You’ll have to bust your tail for it, but if you do it right, you can get your book out there.  Traditional Publishing: If you publish traditionally, be aware that you will get many, many rejection letters. Before seeking traditional publishing, research the publishing house and the industry standards. Many times, they won’t even look at your manuscript if your book is “too long” or “too short.” That doesn’t necessarily mean you should change your book to fit industry standards, but it does mean publishing will be much harder if you don’t fit the standards because very few publishing houses will look at your work unless you know someone who can put in a good word for you. Even if you meet industry standards, expect rejection letters because you’re a first-timer and “a nobody” and most publishing houses get thousands of manuscripts every day and they’re going to pick manuscripts that seem like they’ll make money, or manuscripts from authors they already know, not necessarily manuscripts that are actually “good” writing. A rejection letter is not a reflection of your skills. It’s a badge of honor. You wrote a book and someone looked at it long enough to decide it wasn’t for them. Increase your odds of getting published by focusing a lot of energy into your first chapter, first paragraph, first sentence. If you have a good opening sentence, the person reviewing your manuscript will read more. If you have a good paragraph backing up that first sentence, they’ll go in even deeper. If your first chapter slaps and intrigues, then they’re on the hook wanting more. A publishing house is much more likely to accept your submission if the person who reviewed your work sinks some time into reviewing it. If you get them hooked with the first chapter even if chapters 2 and 3 suck, that reviewer is much more likely to look for the GOLD you put into chapter 4 or 5 when you really hit your stride. If your book doesn’t catch them with chapter 1, even if chapter 5 is absolutely on par with the classics of Shakespeare and the modern greats George R.R. Martin, they’re never going to read that far if chapter 1 sucks. If you get an acceptance letter, huzzah! Work with your publishing house on the final details. Usually a publishing house will do cover art and pay for the advertising necessary to market your book, but not all of them, which is why doing your research is important so you know what to expect. More Detailed Advice: If you have writer’s block try to write anyway. Remember that your first draft will be trash and you can delete anything you don’t like later, but you can’t edit or improve on work that you don’t have finished. Getting it written is way more important than getting it written well. Because, as I said, you can’t work to improve something you don’t have. Getting it on paper is the biggest hurdle. After that, editing is just a matter of reading and rereading, tweaking words and sentences, comparing what you wrote to your outline, and asking for advice from beta readers. Putting it all on paper might take you far less time than editing, but it is, to me far harder. You can pay people to edit your work. There are professional editors out there. But no one can get it on paper like you can, even if you can pay for a ghost writer, because your vision is entirely your own and only you know what you want out of your story idea. Things to Try When the Writing Doesn’t Come: Coffee, water, snack, nap, walk outdoors, bounce ideas off a friend, write a 100 word short story off a prompt and then try again. Any or or all of these shouldn’t take up more than half your scheduled writing time. Sometimes the reason you can’t write is because you’re trying to hard, and these small breaks can make a world of difference, not to mention coffee helps some concentrate, hunger and thirst are distractions even if you don’t feel hungry or thirsty, and time spent just walking and clearing your head in nature can refresh your mind and give you a level head since working through frustration rarely leads to good results. A 100 word short story gets your brain writing something with the focus away from your book, something your brain may see as a monolithic and intimidating task, and distracts it with something short and fun. Once you prove to your brain that yes, you can write right now and once you’ve already started something, it’s easier to make your brain keep working on the next thing. Bouncing ideas off friends can help you figure out why you’re stuck or help you remember that great idea you had for your chapter last night but forgot after you slept. A nap can clear your head and let you relax and you have time alone to think instead of write. If all else fails, try to write just one sentence, take a 15 minute break, and then come back to continue writing. Tried That, Can’t Write: If, for whatever reason, you CAN’T write no matter what you try, no matter how much you force it, take a break. Try again the next day. If the next day doesn’t work, give it a week. After a week if you STILL can’t write, reread what you have written backwards. If you stumble somewhere, edit that section. If ALL of it is either “good enough, but I still can’t continue somehow” or you just hate all of it, ask yourself a few questions. “Is the scene I’m writing important? What does the character accomplish in this scene and does it HAVE to be this scene? What does this scene reveal about the plot, the characters, their motivations, or the story at large. What will this scene mean for the characters in a future scene? What does the character learn here or what do the readers learn in this scene? Is this scene a payoff for something set up in a previous scene or does it bring closure to a subplot or character arc?  If you find positive answers, reformat your chapter around those answers. “Yes this scene is important because it’s where the MC learns to believe in themself.” Great, go back and make sure everything in the scene reflects that and keep moving forward from that perspective while keeping the next goal “The MC’s first success with Plot Thing A.” in mind. Keep this scene focused on the MC believing in themself while working toward their first success. If the scene isn’t important or nothing’s really happening, skip or delete the scene/chapter and move on to the next interesting scene where you find positive answers to those questions. Remember that even if you don’t plan on keeping the scene when you decide to delete it to add it to the deleted scenes file just in case, you may be forgetting a critical plot point or a good idea in the deleted section that you might need later and you’ll be grateful you saved the segment later on. This and more to try here. When You Just Hate Everything You Wrote No Matter What: Read something that inspired you before. Or watch a TV show or movie that made you want to write. Send your work to your beta reader early for feedback. Or, deal with the source of your anxiety. Are you hating it because you feel like it’s not impressive to others? It’s similar to impostor syndrome. You like the writing, but you hate reading it because you think other people will hate it. Send it to a beta reader and find out for sure. If they hate it, that’s fine. You can fix it. If they love it, GREAT. Now you know that at least one person out there likes it. More people will like it. Don’t let the critics in your head tell you otherwise. Do you hate it because you think you can do better? Then do better. Put the scene in the deleted scenes file. All of it. Every part that you hate and the context around it. Dump it. Start over fresh. If you hate that too, compare and see if you hate it less than the old version. Go with the version you hate least, or combine all the parts you hate least and move on until you figure out an even better way to write it. Are you hating it because you never wrote a scene like that before and it’s just really hard? Read stories or watch movies that do the thing you’re doing in a way that you like. Find out why you like it. Try to replicate that in your scene.  This and more about writing anxiety here. “Said is Dead” and Other “Bad” Writing Advice: “Never say said! Use other verbs to convey HOW the character is saying something! Yelled! Sobbed! Laughed! Growled! Whispered!” Most of us got this in grade school. And sometimes they’re right. There’s a difference in tone when you use “‘Hurry up,’ he said.” versus “‘Hurry up,’ she growled.” But if your characters are just having a dialogue, unless there’s a tone you need to set, you CAN use “said” and other plain words. I prefer not to, because I either use taglines like “‘That’s better.’ He smirked, walking across the room.” or I don’t use taglines at all “Really?” “Yeah really.” “Well dang, I didn’t know people could just do that!” “When it’s two people, you sure can!”  In the same vein: “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” While it’s true that it’s more powerful to say “His sentences blended together” or “the words came out nearly overlapped, narry a breath between them.” if you write that way all the time, it’s going to sound weird and won’t always convey the same mood as what you want. Sometimes it’s okay to say “he said quickly.” or “His sentence ended abruptly.” Yes, dashed or sprinted are usually better words than “ran quickly” and are faster to say than “He was down the hall faster than greased lightning.” But remember that adverbs are not the devil. Adjectives are okay. Starting a sentence with “but” is fine for impact. Dialogue has no rules other than “does it sound like something someone would say?” Ending a sentence with a preposition is fine, especially in dialogue. You can use ellipsis points (...) to indicate a pause in dialogue. If you don’t like the writing advice someone gave you, you don’t have to take it. The only real rules I try to stick by are “try to spell everything properly and use proper grammar unless it’s for dialogue” and “make sure it’s easy to read.” Like, I hate when people write “should of” when they mean “should’ve” or “should have” I hate that stuff with a passion. But unless I’m the one person you’re trying to impress, you literally DO NOT HAVE TO CARE. You can write “should of.” It’s your book. I am not the authority on all books. I am not the library god. What I like is not nearly as important as what YOU like. But do take that under advisement that grammatically correct books and properly-spelled manuscripts are way more likely to get published because the world of English literature is elitist as all heck because the rules were written back when hardly anyone was literate and people hang on to traditions like that whether they’re helpful or not. As long as people can understand what you wrote, that’s all that matters in regards to “rules.” So if a rule makes you unhappy? Forget the rule and write what you want. Writer Cartels: A writing cartel is especially important for new authors and self-published authors. A writing cartel is essentially a big group or club of fellow writers. This is your main resource for writing advice, research, a good source of beta readers, free advertisement, and inspiration. Your cartel is going to be there to support you while you write your book and after you get published. You can look for writers groups on social media platforms or by visiting libraries/looking for writing conventions in your town. The comments section of YouTube book reviews has a fair number of people. Make friends. Start your own writer cartel. Join a writer’s workshop program or a writers workshop discord since everything’s closed in 20/20 for the ‘Rona. If there’s a creative writing course at your local community college and you can afford it, take the course, make contacts, make friends with the people you meet there, stay in touch, and form a cartel with them.

“Kill your Darlings”, Crutch Tropes, Crutch Words, and Other Quirks: Kill your darlings is a piece of writing advice you tend to hear a lot. It basically means “Sometimes you have to cut out a cool scene or a neat detail or a beloved character because it doesn’t add anything to your book, weighs down the chapter, ruins the flow, or just generally doesn’t belong and takes up valuable word’s that could be used to advance the plot instead.” Tom Bombadil from Lord of the Rings is a famous example. “Darlings” and crutch tropes are similar but a crutch trope isn’t always a darling and a darling isn’t always a crutch trope. A “darling” is basically anything you like as the author that you want to keep that either all your betas HATE or that holds your writing back in some way. For instance, I like to show off when writing. I wrote a whole scene about different pieces of a ship’s rigging because I knew a lot of the terms and learned a bunch more to get familiar with ships for a scene that has ships in it. But it’s not important to my character to know what a clew garnet is. It’s not important to my readers to know what the clew garnet is. The clew garnet doesn’t serve any deeper purpose in my story other than showing off that I know what that piece of rigging is called. So I removed that scene from my book. I trimmed out all the rigging terms and explanations that weren’t relevant to what was actually happening in the scene, stuck to simple terms, and shortened that chapter by a good chunk by doing so. There’s nothing important missing from the story and it reads just as well without the rigging explanations. That is “killing your darling.” A crutch trope can be a darling, too, but only if you use it excessively. I know I have crutch tropes. I really love chewing the scenery in my stories and I really, REALLY love excessively describing food. Literally chew-able scenery. My book would be a lot shorter without those scenes since they serve no larger purpose other than giving the characters just a hair’s breadth more depth by saying “Yeah, Character A likes X food. And Character B likes Y food. Now you know.” This is a “darling” and a crutch trope. Whether I choose to kill this darling is up to me. But if it’s just a thing you do often, such as writing dream sequences in all your works, then it’s just a crutch trope and not a darling. But you may still want to kill it. Crutch Words: I often use the word “rather” when I actually mean “very.” “He was rather famished.” “She was rather tired.” While this does keep you a step removed from obvious adverb addiction, it becomes rather innocuous and you tend to not notice it or give it rather much thought until it’s become rather ubiquitous and taken up rather a lot of your rather limited word count. (And as you can see, that can get... annoying.) When the word swarms your prose to the point it’s almost more common than your articles “a/the” it’s a crutch word. I already gave you an example with rather, but it happens with more than adverbs and adjectives. Verbs can be crutch words too. If all your characters sob and none of them ever weep, sob is your sadness crutch word. If all of your characters smile and none of them grin, smiled is your happiness crutch word. When is a crutch word not a crutch? When you NEED it for the sentence to make sense. If it’s important to know “He smiled and she smiled back,” there’s no reason to change it to something excessive and potentially inaccurate with “He grinned at her and she simpered in return.” If someone says “I would rather do this than do that,” the “rather” is no longer a crutch. My general rules are: other than articles and common words like “a, the, it, that, what, etc.” you shouldn't have a word used more than once in the same paragraph and definitely not in the same sentence i.e. “Her eyes glazed over as she eyed the enchanted item.” Eye is used in both eyes and eyed and it sounds clunky. A better version of the sentence would be “Here eyes glazed over as she gazed at the enchanted item” or “Her eyes glazed over as she observed the enchanted item.” If you have a crutch trope, and it’s broad i.e. chewing the scenery, try not to do it more than once per chapter. And if it’s a highly specific trope like a dream sequence, use it no more than once per book. But again, these are just rules that I personally follow. I am not God. Write what you enjoy and only take my advice if you agree with it. More on Darlings and how to kill them here. Fringe Crutch Words and How to Cope: There are only so many ways to say “smiled” in the English language, and there are many different smiles that mean many different things. A friendly smile and a sheepish grin are different things, but we don’t always have words to describe different smiles. You can describe a wide smile as beaming and a coy smile as a simper, we have words for sneers and grimaces, but a pained smile has no single word of its own. A sympathetic smile does not have a unique word. Sometimes a sad smile is just a sad smile and if there’s no other way to say it, just use the “crutch” word. Even if you think your characters “smile too much.” Don’t antagonize trying to find a perfect word or you risk falling into “Thesaurus Syndrome” by trying to avoid a word that you simply can’t avoid. Thesaurus Syndrome: Know what your words actually mean, including their connotation. Connotation is the idea or feeling a word evokes, rather than it’s pure definition. For example: stench, scent, and aroma all mean “smell” but a stench or odor is almost always a bad smell; I can’t recall ever seeing a good smell labeled as, say, a “sweet stench.” Similarly, one would never call the scent of skunk spray a “perfume” or “aroma.” “Scent” is very context-sensitive and thus neutral in connotation. So when you use a thesaurus to vary your words, make sure the connotations are the same and that you know how much bigger “gargantuan” sounds compared to just “large.” Flowery words: “Cerulean orbs” is a meme for a reason. Fancy words are all well and good, but jargon runs the risk of alienating your audience. Going back to my clew garnet example, basically no layperson that’s not obsessed with sailing knows what a clew garnet is or what it’s for. If the word isn’t necessary to your story, don’t use it. And if it is, but it’s an uncommon word, make sure to give context or define it in some way. You don’t want to alienate your audience. When it comes to poetic language, i.e. cerulean orbs, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. When you use poetic language, it makes the thing you’re describing automatically more important than anything you describe in a mundane way. If you describe your main character as “a dude with a shaggy beard.” and then describe a trash can as “a silvery vessel for all the unwanted scraps, a prison for the castaways, the lonely, cold, metal receptacle for evidence of a human life, lived to it’s messy, pure, fullness,” that trash can sounds WAY more important than your main character and you also sound like a weirdo for describing a trash can like that. If you want to describe something exceptional, use poetic language, if you want to describe the mundane, use mundane language. A red scarf is nothing more than a scarf that is red. But a crimson scarf sounds significant. However, even when you describe something significant with poetic language, there is a point where too much is too much. Hence “cerulean orbs” instead of “blue eyes.” Cerulean orbs sits right in the middle of foreign/unnatural speech, overly poetic, and overly mundane. No one regularly calls blue eyes “cerulean orbs,” so it immediately sounds alien and unnatural. But it’s also not poetic enough to come from, say, a lover describing her partner’s beautiful blue eyes. “His eyes were deep and dark, the blue like the blue of a midnight sea, shimmering as the candlelight flickered across his irises,” is a much more fitting piece of prose if you want to give off a sense of beauty and the sublime. But if it’s just someone that has blue eyes? You want to go full mundane. “He had blue eyes” is all we need to know. Don’t over-complicate it. That’s not to say you should never write the sublime as mundane or the mundane as sublime, but that’s generally reserved for actual poetry and not part of prose, so unless your book’s main theme revolves around the beauty of common/ugly things or how utterly unremarkable even the most romanticized things are, you want to stick to the general rule that poetic language is reserved for things that are special to your narrative and that mundane language is usually fine everywhere else. Remember, you’re not trying to show off for your audience and you’re not trying to talk down to them. Some Things Specific to Fantasy Writing: The next few sections are dedicated to struggles I personally experienced when writing fantasy and how I overcame them. “How Can She Have a French Braid if There is No France?” and Other Linguistic Troubles: Generally speaking, if you’re writing a fantasy novel, it will not be set on our Modern Earth, and even if it is, there are sometimes troubles. Say your world is fairly unique, something like Tolkien’s Middle Earth. Your elves wear their hair in braids as a tradition. The braid style for upper-class elves is a French braid, unlike the Fishtail Braid which is relegated to the commoners. But wait. Nowhere in your world is called “France” so how can it be a “French Braid?” My rule on this is as follows: Things like French Doors and French braids are very specific and aren’t easily described smoothly in prose as “A set of floor to ceiling/ tall double doors that are made with glass.” or “a braid of three strands, in a gathered plait, from the crown of one’s head to the nape of one’s neck.” If you have to describe it like that EVERY time, it will get tiresome, and if you invent a new word for it, your readers will have to be constantly reminded what it means. With terms like these, it’s okay to use the eponymous word or the namesake word. If your character wears a Tam O’Shanter hat, it’s okay to call it that. If the item in question is, say, a branded thing, you can get a little more flexible. Say your character has a magical item that works just like a liquid Band-aid. But you can’t call it that because Band-aid is a brand and they don’t have adhesive bandages in the story for you to compare it to. In cases like this, it’s best to name the item yourself and define it for the audience. “’Hold still,’ Theresa demanded, pouring the syrupy potion over the wound. Within a few minutes, the liquid solidified, protecting the large scrape from the outside world and dulling the pain. ‘Wow,’ Sir Hugh said, running his hand over the area. ‘What was that?’ ‘Elvish suture,’ Theresa explained. ‘Made of pine sap, some medicinal herbs, and a little alchemy. Don’t strain too hard and it should hold until we can get you to a proper doctor.’” Here, you’ve established what the thing is, what it does, and gave off the general vibe of a liquid bandage without actually using the words. This technique is best used for things that are modified from things that exist in our world. Another option when you’re borrowing from our world is to use a generic term or modify a generic term to your advantage. Going back to the Band-Aid example, let’s say your world DOES have Band-Aids, but since it’s not Earth, you want to call it something else. You can give it a completely foreign name and appearance such as “Verdant’s Dressings” and describe it as “a green, leaf-shaped fabric bandage that uses an adhesive to bind gauze to an open wound,” or you can use a generic term and just call it an “adhesive bandage” depending on how different you want it to be from something in our world the more unique your name for it is, the more it seems to belong to your world and not ours, but this can have the disadvantage of confusing or alienating your audience. When something is entirely your own invention, huzzah! Name it yourself and have fun with it! A great way to make it familiar and memorable to your readers is to name it based on mythology or with Greek/Germanic/Latin base words. If there’s a sleeping potion in your world, you can name it Morph’s Tears to associate it with Greek God Morpheus or you can call it Somnetic Vapors to associate it with somnum, Latin for sleep. If you’re drawing from the mythology of other cultures, try using words from that culture’s language for your naming conventions. Beware of what you decide to borrow from and how you decide to use terms as some mythical creatures are sacred to some cultures, some gods and monsters are sacred to some closed religions, and some foreign words have had different historical meanings than their modern ones. See also: When is it Okay to Borrow This?

How Modern is too Modern for the Medieval? General Rules and How to Break Them: When you write a fantasy work, chances are it’s a high-fantasy novel. High Fantasy often sticks with a world that is medieval or at least pre-modern. While these rules can be applied to other time periods or genres like steampunk, I’m most familiar with high fantasy and medieval time periods so I will use that for most of this advice. Generally a lot of what we think of as “normal” has only been around for 200-500 years and everything earlier than that is considered ancient by our standards. However, some things might surprise you. This is why research is always important. Things like tea, bathrooms, fireworks, and aqueducts are much older than you may think at first and some things a full set of silverware or belts and buttons are more recent than you think. When researching, always be sure to search “the history of X” and not just “when was X invented?” Often times “invented” means patented and that will yield much more recent results. Bagged tea was invented in 1908, but tea as a beverage goes way father back in history (around year 200 BC.) Furthermore, loose leaf tea is a modern invention and wasn’t purchased or sold that way until around the late 1800s. Tea was usually sold in a brick and you could buy a tea cake or an entire sheet of them at the market to grate down to a loose leaf brew at home. Sugar, similarly wasn’t the white granulated stuff we have today. Sugar was sold as a damn, cone-shaped loaf. While the layperson may not be troubled by your medieval queens and kings sipping a loose leaf tea, a more “educated” reader might. The more familiar a reader is with the time period you’re basing your work around, the more your anachronisms will stick out. If magic is present in your work, you have more flexibility, but you should generally try to stick to a period of 100-200 years. The bigger your window of time, the more you run into the chance of some things seeming inaccurate. Anachronisms are definitely not something to break your brain over trying to avoid them, but if you want, say, steam-power in your book when everything else stays more true to the medieval period, you do want to try to justify the anachronism within the narrative. As previously stated, magic existing in your world makes this much easier to do. If your world has magic, then faster-than-light communication may be possible with, say, a telepathy spell or a scrying spell. This may eliminate the need for carrier pigeons and may even hasten the equivalent of something similar to a magical computer or a magical internet or telephone service. Keep in mind that this might also hinder technological development, making your world seem to be set further back in time than it actually is. If, say, your world has magic that allows a kind of hammerspace where you can store anything, and it’s widely accessible, then wagons might not exist in your world. Who needs them when you can shove everything you own in a cheap bag and take it with you on your horse? For that matter, if transporting everything is that simple, your world might not even have many towns or hubs because more groups can afford to be nomadic. Maybe agriculture doesn’t even exist, and your main character’s village is a group of nomads that live like cowboys and just follow their herds, eating their meat and supplementing it with whatever vegetables they find on the way, rather than building farms. Research technology you want to exist in your world, narrow down an analogous time frame in our world where that technology exists, keep most of your technology to things that exist to within a 100-200 year window of your desired time period. When you have anachronisms, justify their existence within the narrative by explaining why the invention of that technology was important. Think about how the anachronisms of your world shape it and how the magic in your world, if any, would shape what anachronisms exist. Why Everyone Probably Shouldn’t Speak the Same Language: While it is true that even in the medieval period, there were plenty of people and plenty of nations that spoke English, not every country did. Similarly, while most people in your fantasy world might be able to get away with speaking a common tongue, it’s important to think about a few things. The higher caste your characters are from, the better able they should be to communicate with almost anyone as, historically, they would have had schooling where they learned from tutors how to speak with others for diplomatic purposes. Keep in mind that this is especially true for allies but also true for enemies. You cannot negotiate peace treaties between humans and elves if the elves only speak elvish and the humans only speak their own language, after all and you cannot make war time demands if your enemy doesn’t know what you want. Vice versa, if your main character is a pauper, unless their relatives are from different walks of life, your character might only speak the language of the area they grew up in or some sort of pigeon language between their nation and its nearest neighbor. Dialects within regions also happen. Canadian French is not the same as the French they speak in France, after all. Remember that the language barrier increases if there’s a large body of water or a mountain range dividing two nations. The harder it is for them to trade with each other by geography, the harder it will be for them to communicate. While this can be mitigated somewhat by the use of magic (telepathy where communication isn’t verbal, or by the use of some magical translation spell) or by the existence of a long-lived tribe (language develops fast, but it’s harder to have a tower of Babel effect where language is highly diverse when there’s a 1000 year old dwarf in your village that speaks the old tongue and everyone else around them does too because good luck getting the old goat to learn the new slang) if your world doesn’t have magic or an ancient race where people regularly live to be very old, you can benefit from the use of Conlangs. Conlangs: Short for “Constructed Language,” a conlang is basically a made up language to add a diverse feel to your book. If your characters are interacting with aliens, it would be weird for the aliens to come down and speak perfect English without the use of some translation technology. Similarly, if your world doesn’t have magic, it’s very strange if people can all understand each other if they haven’t all been colonized by the same powerful empire or if they don’t all live near each other. And Island nation that’s hard to get to is probably not going to speak the same language that they do on the mainland thousands of miles away, and if they do, it’s going to be a weird dialect that no one on the mainland understands anymore if the isolated island doesn’t somehow keep in regular contact. This is when conlangs are useful. You don’t have to go full Tolkien and have a complete, speakable elvish language. But the closer you get to that, the more real the world seems. You don’t have to be an expert linguist to do this, but if you are one or know one, creating a conlang is easier. Start by figuring out what language you want to base it on. It’s much easier to construct a language based on one that already exists. Because English is one of the most commonly spoken languages in the world (both as a first and as a second language) English is a good base language, especially if you intend to market your book to an English-speaking audience. If your conlang doesn’t appear often, you can get away with coming up with only a few words as they’re needed. But if your character is best friends with someone who immigrated from another nation, you want your conlang to be borderline translatable if not fully translatable. Lingo Jam is a great resource for creating a conlang as you can add in words and their translations to create a translator to help your readers. Lingo Jam also provides a list of the most common words used in English to help you get started with a rough idea of what words you might need to translate. Keep in mind root words, regular and irregular verbs for conjugations, and word-order. Idioms unique to your conlang also add to authenticity, and the more important something is to a culture, the more likely their language would reflect that. If your character comes from a snowy climate, maybe they have more words for snow than they do for grass. Or maybe they have fewer. Or maybe they have specific words for different thicknesses because knowing the thickness of ice is important to their survival. If there’s a special magical item that comes only from that characters country, chances are that their word for it is unique, or that other cultures and nations borrow the word for that thing from that conlang. Consider also the interplay between gender, climate, religion, and other aspects of culture and how that reflects on your language. If your character’s culture originated in a desert where water is scarce and they’re highly religious, chances are that words for water and divinity will have some link or be seen together often. If your character lives in a matriarchal society, perhaps their word for doctor is “medicine woman” the same way English has gendered terms like “fireman.” Maybe your magical race of tree people doesn’t differentiate between male and their word for “person” isn’t gendered at all. Or maybe they have several gendered words that refer to tree species more than anything about our concept of gender and they apply these “tree genders” to human populations based on height and hair color. As a final note, remember that conlangs aren’t necessary, and if this kind of thing hurts your head, you can just use Esperanto or skip it all together. There are plenty of successful fantasy novels out there that don’t use conlangs. If you want a fun way to add depth to a vast fantasy world, do consider the conlang, but it’s by no means necessary to have one and it’s not world-breaking to not have one. “When is it Okay to Borrow This?” and Other Questions About Taking Inspiration from Different Cultures: I’m basing most of my information off this post, and it sadly seems to display in improper order, but it’s worth the read. Basically if something is specific to a culture or religion (this is why researching is important) it’s probably not okay to borrow from it unless you know what you’re doing. Having a sensitivity reader is good for this, but if you don’t have one or can’t find one, consider reaching out to someone you know who is familiar with the culture to ask if it’s okay. If something is a food, item of clothing, or a technology that has spread across the world, chances are it’s okay to use that. Rice is a common staple food, for example, so if your world or your character has a specific type of riceball or onigiri, it’s usually okay to call it a rice ball, call it onigiri, or describe it as such. I do have some caveats for that later. A kimono, likewise, is considered everyday clothes, if a bit old-fashioned, and kimono are often given as gifts if you stay with a family in Japan. If you base an item of clothing off a kimono in your story, that should be fine. A good rule of thumb is: If you can buy it in a gift shop in the country you’re borrowing it from, or if it’s widely sold across the world by the people who created it, it’s probably okay to use in your story. The Caveat: Keep in mind, when you borrow things, that stereotypes exist, and if you’re using it because of a stereotype, even a positive stereotype, you need to reconsider. Let’s say one of your fantasy races is coded as “Asian” (as non-specific and vague as that is) it’s obviously bad to describe them as having yellow skin, eating “gross” and “weird” foods, having “slit” eyes and a number of other things. But what’s less obvious are positive stereotypes. If this fantasy race of yours that’s coded after some Asian group are broadly characterized as “being smarter than everyone around” that’s ALSO a stereotype. While it’s generally the case that “Asian people are smarter” here in the USA, it’s important to note that a big reason behind that is that most people immigrating from Asian countries like China, Japan, and Korea are wealthy. They can afford to take a risk and move to the USA, so they do. And because they are wealthier, they can afford to pay for better education, tutors, and private lessons for their children. And when they do, the children tend to score better on tests which makes it seem like they’re smarter. Remember that a lot of things are highly correlated with wealth and challenge and scrutinize why you might want to pick a certain trait for a certain character. Pay Special Attention to Anything You Want to Characterize Negatively: If your character doesn’t like sushi, is it just because she doesn’t like fish? Or is it because she doesn’t like raw fish? If you can’t think of a reason why, or if the answer is “she doesn’t like it because it’s different from what she’d normally eat.” think about the reason YOU think that way. Not everyone has to like sushi, but if your character hates it just because she’s never had it before and it’s strange to her, unless your character is MEANT to be inexperienced, this makes her come off as a bit xenophobic. This kind of thing exists in a grey area, so again, this doesn’t mean your character is bad if they don’t like sushi, it’s just something to consider. A more clear-cut case is this. You describe a character as ugly, with a big, long, hooked nose. Why? Chances are you picked this up from an old cartoon, and that old cartoon picked it up from somewhere else. While not intrinsically anti-semitic the “ugly, long, hooked nose” has been a long-standing anti-semitic caricature. That’s not to say an ugly character can never have a long, hooked nose, but you have to be extremely careful with what other traits they have, because that anti-semitic caricature goes hand in hand with many other negative stereotypes and you may not even realize they’re stereotypes you hold. Again, this is why a sensitivity reader is so very important. Because nowadays, representation is important and it matters, and it’s great if you want to write about lots of different people and cultures and borrow from them, but it’s also very easy to be swayed by stereotypes and biases you didn’t even know you had and accidentally come off as racist, sexist, homophobic, or xenophobic in the process. Don’t let the fear of falling victim to your own implicit biases stop you from trying to be diverse, but do let it give you pause. If you’re uncertain of the history of something, PLEASE research it and PLEASE consult as many people from that culture as possible. Remember: some things are sacred. Just because something is old doesn’t mean it’s safe, either. Some people still worship the Greek Gods. Some people still practice paganism.  So When is it Okay to Borrow This Thing?: Again, if it’s something you can buy from the people who’s culture it belongs to, it’s generally okay to assume that it’s a part of their culture they want to share. Clothing, food, and technology are usually safe bets, especially if you intend to talk about them in a positive light. (Beware of “Exoticising” things too much though.) If something is a part of a culture you belong to, then that’s also usually a safe bet of something you can riff off of without being insensitive. But beware. What’s good representation for you, might be bad representation to someone else. Your idea of Christmas, might be blasphemous to someone else, hence why it’s especially important to tread lightly with religions. “Exoticising”: Exoticising can be described as a subtle form of racism in which you worship, eroticize, romanticize, or fantasize a certain element of a culture, race, or religion to which you do not belong. This is often seen when describing a black woman as a “mocha-colored goddess” but can also be seen when describing he food, customs, or language of a particular group. “Weeaboos” are often guilty of exoticising Japanese culture, and food journalists are especially bad about this when they try to describe foreign foods by describing them in ill-fitting “terms that an American would understand.” It’s known as exoticising because it serves one of two purposes. It’s either used to make the foreign or “exotic” more palatable to an audience less receptive to it or by making something foreign even MORE foreign and mysterious, enhancing it’s “exotic” appeal. You may be exoticising a food if you describe it in a way that resembles the foods described in this post. If you describe a person using food terms or describe a religion as cultish or mysterious, you may be exoticising it. Sensitivity Readers: A sensitivity reader is a type of beta reader or editor that specifically looks for elements in your book that may be problematic. While no single sensitivity reader can possibly catch every single thing that might potentially be offensive, if you have concerns about your work, it might be a good idea to run your manuscript by one of these readers first. They will give you suggestions on what to improve or remove. Just like any beta reader, you do NOT have to take the advice they give or implement the changes they suggest, but they can be helpful if you’ve ever been told your work is “problematic.” Again, remember that what’s empowering for one person is denigrating to another, and your book will never satisfy EVERYBODY. Think about what group you’re trying to write for, and implement edits based on what you think would appeal most to that group. Magic systems: Ever important for people writing fantasy is the magic system. “Harry Potter” had the “wand as a focus” and “incantation as power” set-up, “The Elder Scrolls” series has potions, books, skills, and words of power, covering a whole slew of magical rules. When designing a magic system, you need to decide how it works, and that requires answering some questions. “What can magic do, what can it not do, what does it cost, who can learn it, how is it learned and how do you do it?” What Magic Can Do?: Can magic help you light a fire? Move a mountain? Raise the dead? Cool! Write down some of the things magic can do in your project bible or somewhere that you’ll remember to look so you can reference the rules of magic later. Think of what purpose magic has in your story. Is it a tool your protagonist needs to overcome obstacles? Is it an oppressive force that needs to be banned? Consider the role magic plays when deciding what magic can do and why that’s empowering or oppressive. And remember, it’s totally okay if you just want magic to exist in your world because it’s cool! Just remember that the other aspects of magic are that much more important now, so that the magic in your world doesn’t seem out of place. Next... What Can’t Magic Do?: Remember that limitations make the world more realistic and establish boundaries. If your magic can do anything, your characters are all gods, and relative power levels are meaningless. That can be boring and no one will know what to expect. Will a new obstacle cause the main character to struggle? Is their new opponent a threat? Limitations are necessary for your readers to actually see characters grow as they push boundaries and magic is no different. If magic can help you create fire, can it put the fire out? Does it need a source of fire to bend or can the fire be spontaneously generated? If you can move a mountain, does the size of the mountain matter? Does a larger mountain require more mages to move it? (Remember that limitations like this don’t have to be well known in your world. Consider “Avatar: The Last Airbender.” Metal bending was thought to be impossible even for experienced earth benders. And then Toph came along and blew that out of the water and bent metal because Toph is awesome like that. So consider the difference between hard limits [things no one can do] and soft limits [things that are hard to do, require a loophole, or are an obstacle for your special protagonist to obliterate.] One hard limit I see a lot is that magic cannot raise the dead/make you immortal because if you can raise the dead or make yourself immortal, the stakes are drastically lower for your characters unless your universe has a “fate worse than death” clause in it somewhere. If magic can raise the dead, they come back “wrong” or imperfect or it costs so much energy to do it’s not worth trying. If magic can make you immortal there’s usually a cost associated. Even if you elect not to use any hard limits at all, consider what magic costs. What Does Magic Cost?: Is it “free” but you have to know how to do it or else risk consequences and misfires like in “Harry Potter?” Does it require energy like spell slots in “Dungeons and Dragons” or mana like in most RPG video games and when you use up all that energy you have to rest or risk killing yourself with it? Going back to raising the dead and immortality, “Full Metal Alchemist” deals with the cost pretty well. You can’t raise people from the dead because God/the Truth won’t let you, but you can try. And you will fail. And it will cost you part of your body if not your life. And whatever you do create is not what you wanted, not who you wanted. You can make a Philosopher's Stone that makes you immortal and lets you bypass other costs for alchemy. Except it requires you to kill countless people and, if I remember correctly, using alchemy uses up the souls in the Philosopher's Stone instead of materials. So you can be immortal. You just have to be a moral monster. FMA also does cost with “normal” alchemy in an interesting way. It requires “equivalent exchange,” meaning if you want to alchemically make yourself a bunch of little bird-shaped wooden paperweights, you need to have the wood to do it and you have to know the alchemical formula to make an alchemy circle to do it. It’s also stated in at least one version of the anime that the energy to perform alchemy comes from souls in a parallel world so, like, honestly, alchemy is scary as hell and the cost usually involves human life. Cost is also a good way of creating “power levels.” The strongest mage might be the one that practices more, sure. But if magic is innate and everyone can do it, what separates one educated mage from another educated mage? Cost. Whoever is willing to sacrifice more will win. This also stops your character from relying on magic for everything. If magic has a relatively low cost, we should expect things like we see in “Harry Potter.” Things never really developed much beyond the medieval because magic solved most problems so there was no need for more technology. “Why have a TV? We have magic photographs and stuff! Airplanes? Nah, we have portkeys and floo powder and magic.” If magic has a high cost, you would probably see a lot of technical development alongside magic. Why do energy-sapping magic to light a fire to make your tea when you can just invent an electric kettle to boil water for you? Think about how the cost will limit your character and shape their world. Who Can Learn Magic and How?: Is it something everyone has the potential for? If so, is everyone a mage/witch/wizard? If not, what stops people with the innate ability from performing magic? (See again: cost.) If it’s not innate, or only innate to some people, what causes people to be attuned to magic? Is it something only elves can do? If it’s something you’re born into, how did it first appear and how is it heritable? Does it spring up at random in populations with a certain level of genetic heritability  i.e. Mudbloods and squibs a la “Harry Potter?” Is it passed down like an heirloom? Is it tied to access to a font/source of magic? How did the first mage learn to use magic? Experimenting? Watching another magical creature do it? Gifted the knowledge by a supreme being? How do new generations learn it? Apprenticing to a master sorcerer? From books? From parents? By practicing? From a school of magic? Are certain people limited to certain types of magic like the benders in “Avatar: The Last Air Bender?” How is Magic Done?: Do you need to know magic words? Arcane symbols? Do you need a focus or a medium like a wand or crystal? Is magic done primarily through potions, written hexes, or hand gestures? If the cost is a material, is it a special material like the tooth of a dragon or the remains of a dead fairy? If the magic is contained in a material like a scroll or a crystal, how do you cast the spell? Combining different things within and between categories helps you create a believable and controlled magic system that isn’t overpowered and creates a consistent feel for magic that your readers will pick up on. Do it right and you’ll create a world where your readers are more-or-less aware of who’s a stronger magic user than whom and why, while still leaving them room to be surprised if your protagonist is capable of breaking some of the rules of magic. Do it right and your readers will be confident in your characters’ abilities but will still be concerned when your characters go up against an opponent with either obviously more experience/power or an unknown/new power. Romance and Fluffy Stuff: Some general rules for romance writing. 

Feel the Burn: Decide how slow you want it to burn, first and foremost. If your characters are already an established couple, that romance is already lit. You are on fire and your job is to keep feeding it. However, most romance stories start with the characters as strangers or friends and it’s your job to build up the relationship so that the chemistry and synergy are apparent and the romance develops naturally. Now, when I write romance, I write a burn so slow that you get 10 chapters in and the leads haven’t even met each other yet. Unless the slowest of slow burns is absolutely your shtick, you probably don’t want to do that, but your characters also probably shouldn’t be kissing in the first 2 chapters unless they’re already an established couple. Something like Disney’s Animated “Beauty and the Beast '' is about average in terms of how slow the burn is. They’re catching feels ⅓ or ½ into the movie and they’re really bonding and genuinely romancing right before the climax. A slower burn might have you wait until ⅔ of the way for the first inklings of “will they/won’t they?” TV shows are notorious for this and almost never have the main couple pair up until the end of the series, but they usually still have chemistry showing up in season one. “Miraculous Ladybug” is notorious for doing this but that’s partly because the episodes aren’t necessarily chronological, and the big appeal is the romance potential between the leads which is why the writers don’t want to make them a couple until the very last moment or else they risk losing viewers who are only in it for the romantic tension. I personally think that’s cowardly, but it’s a tried and true method for a TV series. ABC’s “Castle” didn’t have the main couple together until Season 5 out of 8 seasons and they only got married in Season 7. Just remember if you seal the deal on the romance too soon, you need an exciting plot to follow it with the romantic partners working together in order for the story to remain interesting after the “will they/won’t they?” tension is resolved or else the book after that will just be boring. But if you wait too long to get to the juicy bits, the reader might get frustrated, the actual romantic parts will feel rushed by comparison, or if you flesh out the aftermath, your book will be 500,000 words long and let’s face it, most people don’t have the patience for that (that’s 5-10 times the industry standard length, by the way.) Decide how slow you want the burn to go and then pace the story accordingly. A faster paced book will want to see the characters getting along pretty early on if not right away, and a slower paced book leaves more room for tension, enemies-to-friends-to-lovers stuff, or lots of fluffy bits.  Believable Romance or “A Recipe for Good Smooches”: The next thing you have to worry about in romance is making it believable. Chemistry, synergy, and affection are your 3 big ingredients. If your characters don’t have all of this, the relationship is going to seem stale or fake. Are your characters attracted to one another? Do they get along? That’s chemistry. If your characters absolutely hate each other but suddenly start kissing, there are only 3 options, it’s either bad writing, or they’re hate-kissing/fake kissing. In a believable romance, you CAN have hate-kissing and/or fake kissing, but if you want the chemistry to feel real, they shouldn’t hate everything about each other and should like more than half (on average) of their partner’s personality quirks, facial features, hobbies etc. If your characters have nothing in common/no chemistry/no shared interests it will be REALLY hard to make your readers buy that their affection for each other is sincere. Next is Synergy. How well do the characters work together? If they fight side-by-side are they in sync? Can they predict their partners needs more often than not? If they played the Newlywed’s Game and had to answer trivia about each other, would they score a lot of points? The more your characters know about each other and the better they’re able to work with each other, the more believable their chemistry is. Finally we have affection. How warm are your characters toward each other. How easily do they resolve fights? How often do they give gifts, cuddle, or spend time together. The more affectionate they are, the more it gives credence to their synergy. You don’t have to show affection, chemistry, or synergy in equal parts or all at the same time, but remember that these aspects of the romance are part of a three-legged stool. If you remove any one of the legs completely, the stool will have a very hard time staying up, and the closer they are to the same length, the more stable the stool. A couple with very little chemistry and synergy but is VERY affectionate just seems weird, like inexperienced kids playing at romance rather than a real romance. An excess of chemistry with nothing else makes the pair seem like friends with benefits more than a romantic pairing. And synergy without the other two aspects leans way more deeply into the “best friends” category than the “we’re dating/married” category.  Like certain Disney Princesses, missing synergy makes the relationship look more like mutual pining at best or a one-sided romance at worst. Missing out on chemistry, again, makes the bond more familial like found-family or best friends. And missing affection can make it seem either like a broken marriage that’s only staying together for the kids or the comfort, or it makes the couple seem like they’re not really all that committed to each other. The closer you are to having the three ingredients in balance, the closer you are to a believable and idealistic romance. This and more in this post. The Fluffy Bits: Even if the romance isn’t a primary part of your story, the people who like romance and want to see it in your story are going to hate you if you just tell them everything straight. “Henry and Jess went out on a date and had a lot of fun. They had a nice dinner, watched a movie, and slept together at the end of the night,” is WAY boring. The romantic parts don’t have to be 10 page long pining scenes, or describe the dinner date in lucid, uninterrupted detail from start to finish. But you should let the readers see the juicy bits in real time, or at least without glossing over them. “Henry and Jess met up at eight and went to the book shop where they first met to pick up the new release of their favorite book series before heading off to dinner. They read each other chapters from the book while waiting to be seated, and talked about work while waiting for their meal. Henry offered sympathy when Jess expressed her upset that she wasn’t getting along with a new coworker in her department. After the meal, they went to see a screening of Jurassic Park at the old movie theater. Henry remarked how much he loved it the same as he had when he was a boy and Jess admitted that she never appreciated the film as much before she met Henry. They stopped for ice cream on the way home before Jess spent the night at Henry’s. She fell asleep beside him, drifting off somewhere around page 23 of their new book.” That’s not nearly enough detail for some people but it’s WAY better than the first example. The more heavily romance features in your story, the more time should be spent detailing these events and the closer to real time the descriptions should be. We don’t need a frame-by-frame of every second of their night together, but the more detail you give, the more it’s going to engross the readers. Opposites Attract: While some IRL couples can get away with having completely different political ideologies, no shared interests, and nothing in common, most people aren’t like that and it’s VERY hard to pull off in fiction. While the two romantic leads should NOT be carbon copies of each other, they also shouldn’t be complete opposites. Complementary opposites should be about as far into opposites territory as you go and “cut from the same cloth by a different tailor” is about as far as you should go in the other direction. Complementary Opposites: If your characters are more different than alike, their similarities need to be rock solid when it comes to synergy and their differences shouldn’t always be polar opposites but often complementary. While you can get away with “He’s an introvert and she’s an extrovert” and “She plays concert piano but he can’t even carry a tune” it’s a lot harder to get away with “She wants to party all day, every day, and never spend a quiet night at home, and he just wants to read in bed for 6 hours a day” or “She wants every waking moment to be filled with jazz music and he absolutely hates jazz and he would erase it from existence if he could.” If she’s messy and he’s tidy, she can never be TOO messy, or else he’d realistically end up resenting her for never putting anything away and occupying every flat surface in the house to the point where he can’t work on anything without having to shove all her things off to a corner. If she’s a vegan, it’s going to be very frustrating if he’s allergic to 90% of all green foods. If you have hard/distinct differences between the two, there should be more things they agree upon to make up for it. If she’s a big family gal and he’s a lone wolf, they may choose to compromise and have 2 kids instead of 8 like she wants and 1 like he wants, but the compromise is believable because they both love going running in the evening together and they both flip their lids over the same TV show. The better your chemistry, synergy, and affection, the bigger the differences you can get away with. Same Cloth, Different Tailor: While good friends usually agree on most things, just as good spouses would, people are not hive-minds and it’s VERY rare for people to agree on everything. Even if they do agree, their reasons for agreeing may be different. For example, maybe both your characters believe murder is bad no matter what. But one character comes from the perspective that murder is bad because all life is precious and no one should have the right to take the life from someone else so even even killing in self-defense is bad. The other character may believe that murder and killing are distinct categories and believes that it’s okay to kill in self-defense because letting someone kill you is worse than killing someone in self-defense because if you die, the killer might go on to kill more people. Maybe both characters like to eat vanilla ice cream, but one of them likes it because they’re just really picky and don’t like any other flavors but the other likes vanilla because you can add a lot of toppings without it tasting bad. When characters are cut from the same cloth, it’s important to remember that they not be too codependent. They should have other interests beyond shared interests and should be comfortable being alone. Insurmountable Differences: Sometimes things that do happen in real life aren’t believable in fiction. If your characters are too different in certain regards, it’s VERY hard to believe they have a genuine romance. If your characters are on the polar opposite side of the aisle on these big issues, it’s not going to be believable in most cases. These insurmountable differences that make suspending disbelief harder (but not impossible) are: Polar opposite political beliefs. If one of your characters believes trans women are women and the other believes trans people should all die, they’re PROBABLY not going to make a very believable couple. Religion. If one of your characters is a devout Christian who believes all non-Christians are going to hell and the other is an atheist who thinks all religion is superstition and baloney, it’s way harder to believe they’re going to get along without constantly fighting over that. Cleanliness: If one character lives in a literal pigsty hoarder nest and the other is so anal retentive about dust that they take 10 showers every day and their blood boils if something doesn’t smell “right,” they are absolutely going to fight and make each other miserable. Core personality traits. If your characters are polar opposites when it comes to level of openness, introversion/extroversion, or neuroticism, they probably won’t get along. Morals. If your characters have completely different moral compasses,  it’s very hard to make that work. Dependence. If one character is totally codependent and the other is completely independent, either one of them is going to be exploited or one of them is going to feel suffocated. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean the characters can never differ on these subjects, but if the differences are, as I said, polar opposite, there’s very little chance readers will believe the couple gets along, no matter how much chemistry, synergy, and affection you add in. The smaller you make differences in these categories, the more believable your couple will be. Friendships as a Bedrock for Romance: If your characters would not be best friends and you’re going for romance and not just steamy bedroom scenes, then your couple will be very hard to believe as a romantic pairing. Friendship is an ideal stepping stone between strangers and lovers, and often a necessary one. That’s not to say your characters have to start as friends. But if your characters couldn’t even imagine being friends with their intended partner, being in a romance also isn’t a likely path for their relationship.

Some Final, General Notes: A section dedicated to things I though up at the last minute or didn’t fit anywhere else. “Holy Shit! Two Cakes!” and Combating Impostor Syndrome: Sometimes you feel like, even when people like your story, that your work is nothing special, that other people are better than you, that you don’t deserve praise because your story was inspired by other things. In cases where you feel like an impostor, it’s important to remember what your work looks like from outside sources. In general, people tend to like “more of the same” and that’s why so many successful novels and movies are inspired by other sources. The Lion King didn’t set out to be Hamlet/Amleth, but it’s clearly working off the same bone structure. 90% of mystery shows take direct inspiration from Sherlock Holmes. Most high fantasy novels take inspiration from Tolkien. The Sistine Chapel is literally fanart of the Bible and Dante’s Divine Comedy (Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso) are literally Bible fan-fiction where Dante self-inserts and hangs out with his faves like Virgil while writing in all the people he hated getting punished in hell. Most if not all of Disney’s properties are adapted from fairy tales that they didn’t write themselves. When you find yourself thinking: ”Nothing I write is unique,” remember that. There is nothing new under the sun, but even if your story has been told before, no one has ever told it like you will tell it. And when you find yourself thinking: “Nothing I write will ever be as good as what I was inspired by.” Remember: “Two Cakes.” If you work your butt off to make a cake to bring to a party and someone else brings a cake that looks way better, remember that most people at the party are not going to think “Ugh, TWO cakes? No one wants two cakes! Eat the pretty one and throw out the shitty one!” No. Most people are going to think “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES! THAT’S AWESOME! NOW WE HAVE ENOUGH CAKE FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE SECONDS!” Sure, people might eat the prettier cake first. But maybe yours has cherries and the other one doesn’t and cherries are someone’s absolute favorite! Or maybe your cake isn’t as pretty but it’s gluten-free and there’s someone in the crowd with Celiac who’s SO thankful you brought a cake that they can eat. And even if your cakes are the exact same? And everyone goes to the pretty cake first? The hungry people will come back for your cake after. And they’ll be happy for a second slice. “But Fan-Fiction is Bad!”: No. Fan-fiction is how we’ve been telling stories for hundreds of years. The story of King Arthur that we have today is literally a fanfic of a fanfic of a fanfic of a fanfic. The original King Arthur story didn’t even have other knights or a round table or Merlin. Disney literally makes its money by doing fanfiction of public domain stories. Niel Gaiman wrote HP Lovecraft and Sherlock Holmes fanfic and published it as an original work and won a Hugo award for it. The comic book industry is literally built off taking characters someone else made and making them do different things or making them do the same thing in a different way. Fanfiction is literally how stories are told. Any original idea you have is probably inspired by something that happened to you or something you adored as a kid and forgot about. Badly written fanfiction is bad because it’s badly written, not because it’s fanfic. “No one wants to read someone’s work if it’s not original!” Nah, man. There are people that have seen every Batman movie ever made, read every comic that even remotely mentioned Batman, and own anything with Batman’s symbol on it. King Arthur and his knights are referenced in media constantly. Neon Genesis Evangelion had and still has merchandise out the ass, reboots, spin-offs, and games made about it. Harry Potter inspired copycats around the world. There’s published work out there, right now, called “50 Shades of Grey” which is erotic “Twilight” fan-fiction re-branded to something original and it took the freaking world by storm, whether it deserved the fame it got or not. Fan-fiction is just a way some people tell stories and there’s no shame in that. “But Someone Said X Trope Was Bad!”: Tropes and archetypes are neither bad nor good. They are tools and building blocks. Learning how to use them, play with them, or subvert them in a way that works for your story is the difference between a “good” trope and a “bad” one. Do you like it when the grumpy person and the soft sweet person fall in love? That’s a trope. Do you like it when the hero has a snappy one-liner? Trope. Do you like heroes that are absolute dumbasses with hearts of gold? Trope. Do you like it when the villains are flashy and goofy? Trope. If you’ve seen it more than once, chances are it’s a trope. And there’s no shame in using a trope or an archetype.  Know the Answers to the Questions You Want Your Readers to be Asking: Does one of your characters die at the end? Do you want your readers to ask themselves “Oh my God? Did X just die?” Suspense is important to stories, and getting your readers to ask questions is part of building suspense. But even if you never intend to reveal the answers, you should still know the answers to the questions you want your readers to ask. “Was the hero the bad guy all along?” Even if you never confirm one way or the other, YOU personally should know the answer. This is useful not only for sequel baiting, but it also helps you tell a more consistent narrative with a one-shot story. Knowing the answers helps you be deliberate with what you choose to reveal, and whether what you reveal gets the reader closer to the answer, or muddies the waters more and more. That’s All Folks: Again, this is just stuff I picked up. Only take the advice that you want to take or that you think will help you. It’s your book and you have complete control over it. Hopefully, this has been helpful. Now get out there and write! I may add more information as I learn more because I’m always learning and growing.