#contemplating the first gym sesh of the year also

[carlos-tk]

I have the day off from work today and it’s exactly what I needed after this week 😌

[katbot]

Jessie’s Girl

This week’s Thirsty Thursday is a back-to-back feature after a two month hiatus. It consists of two men with the same name and polar opposite experiences.

--

“I can't work out tomorrow— or the rest of the week. I’ve got back to back dates."

I’m at impromptu gym sesh with my friend Dom before we head to our weekly pub meetup.

“Okay no problem? Switch machines?"

"Yeah. But wait-- get this…” I pause for dramatic effect

“Both guys— are named Jesse.”



“You’re kidding.”



“Nope... and I gotta admit...” I slide onto the seat and adjust the machine for my short legs.



“What?”



“My mum’s name is Jessie.”

                                                                xxx

It’s Wednesday, and I’m making my way to Hell’s Kitchen.

Tonight is Jesse 2— the self-proclaimed Miller lite alcoholic.

I’m judging slightly but let’s be honest, I’ll take any kind of alcoholic.




It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I did a two-month stint with K, which was more awkward than fun.



It ended amicably. Sometimes someone falls asleep during a screening of THE HOLY MOUNTAIN, and you just know not they're not the one.


Also, fuck the outdoors.


I’m meeting J2 at On the Rocks, an intimate bourbon bar with great lighting.


He arrives a minute after me, in fact I’m pretty sure he was right behind me on the sidewalk.


He’s cute— very nerd chic. But extremely nervous.



He orders an IPA, I get a Hendricks double.


He’s so shy. We’re twenty minutes in and he can barely look me in the eye.

I feel like a zoo keeper, prodding for conversation.



Where are you from?


Colorado.


How long have you been here?


Two years.

What do you do?


Film.

J2 finally seems to relax around his third beer, he's going on about the difference between hardcore and punk music

.

It’s a scene I’ve dipped my foot into, but never really cared for. It’s a relief that he’s finally passionate about a topic.

He pays the entire tab when I’m in the bathroom

.

I’m aching to end my dry spell, so I’m contemplating fucking him when he suddenly suggest going to another bar. 

This time I pick a semi fratty pub around the corner. We grab a booth with a Ms.PacMan arcade table.

I’m entering tipsy when J2 is basically drunk.



He refuses to believe that I’ve never been shy or insecure.

I’m rolling my eyes when he tries to “catch me in a lie.”



J2: My worst fear is public speaking. What’s yours?



TV: Fire.



J2: No way.  I don’t believe that

What’s up will all these insecure guys?


TV: Okay. Fire and my parents dying soon.



He’s trying to argue with me when I cut him off.

“Listen I get the whole anxiety thing but not everyone is built like that. I acknowledge and recognize you. But personally, I just don’t get it.”



He seems to accept it after two more minutes of back and forth.

Finally.



We tumble into video games and he seems to relax again.



Mid-Chrono Trigger spiel, he asks “Would you like to go home with me?”



“Yeah sure. Why not. Are you good for it though?”

  I’m referring to his pint of water sitting next to my Brooklyn Lager.

“Yeah! I promise!”

The train ride is unbearable and when he asks if I’m a PDA person I wonder if I made a mistake. It’s nice that he asked but so very Post #Metoo.

.



His apartment is old but cute. His room is a bit bizarre. It’s looks as if he’s just moved in, but he’s been in New York for 2 years.

He’s making out with me like a teenager boy, and when he frantically starts taking of hiss clothes I ask, “When was the last time you had sex?”

He doesn’t even need to open his mouth to answer, he’s blush does it for him.  



He begins to go down on me and after 3 minutes I sternly hiss-whisper, “Will you just fuck me??”

It last about four seconds when he suddenly says he can’t

                              …..

Who does whisky dick hurt?
                                                       Everyone.



He’s apologizing the whole time as I get dressed.



“It’s not you. You’re not the prob-“ 

I scoff before he can finish the word.

“Yeah, of course I’m not. Listen...”
 I’m slipping my boots on telling him it’s normal.

“Whiskydickhappenstoeveryone.It’s nothingtobeashamedabout.Don’tworry.”

It comes out in one entire breath like a memorized speech, I’ve entered my sex educator mode also I seriously don’t care

I’m mapping my way back home while he seems to be having a mental dick breakdown on his couch

I don't have time for this.

“Yeah... I’m just gonna... gooooooo.. sooooo” I let myself out and hit the sidewalk laughing.



Good god. What a waste of a condom.



Lessons learned:

Pull out my condoms on the second round to avoid waste.

Anyone that only drinks light beer probably isn’t for me

Encounter Rating: 4/10

App: Tinder

                                                            xxx

Jesse1’s opening line hits 2/5 of my check boxes.

Bumping into natives on any dating app is a mutual fresh breath of air.

An oasis in the transplant dessert.

We spit a few bars about hockey, growing up in Queens, and the scripted dates we've had with newbie New Yorkers.

"I'm so tired of having the same damn conversations about their so not unique experiences"

Good god. That hits too close to home. Lately, I've been dating so many foreigners.

It's Groundhog Day with different accents.

I decide to pull the trigger and invite him out to the first Islanders/Rangers game of the season. He picks a Rangers bar by my office, saying he'll meet me at puck drop.

***

I'm barside in front of BIGGEST tv I have ever watched hockey on. It's incredible to be able to see the puck without squinting.

The Islanders are tied with the Rangers when someone comes up behind me.

“Tessie?”

He's cute, blonde, and channeling a very lumberjack look.

It isn't until intermission that I actually get involved -- in fact I'm kind of annoyed he's doing more talking than watching.

At the end of the first period, I flag down the bartender to refill my gin. As I put my finger up, J1 cuts me off with a "Can you put that on my tab please?"

I AM SHOCKED.

Through intermission, we find out that we have a lot in common.

We’re both alumni’s of the catholic school circuit.

When he tells me he knows my school AND his sister attended both my alma maters...I absolutely lose my shit.

We swap stories about fucked up school experiences, and about each other’s school reputation.

“Do you remember when they banned skirts?”

“Yes!!!! It just made everything worse. Girls tailored their pants to show off every curve of their butt!!”

Being able to make references to old bars, obscure landmarks only relevant to natives, and deep Queens bus lines is refreshing. It’s like talking to an old neighbour.

We’re squealing and laughing straight through the last ten minutes of the third period.

Meanwhile, the Islanders have been murdering the Rangers.

“Fuck. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“You want to go drink that off?”

***

Weather Up is busier than expected despite the snow piling up outside.

We grab a table in the back and he tries to guess what cocktail I’ll get. A challenge my friends like to play a lot. We get the same drink with different spirits.

Me gin.

Him vodka.

The conversation continues to flow naturally and when the waiter comes back and I’m laughing too hard to order— I know I’m drunk.

How did this happen?!

“Ooh! Oh gosh.” I finally get a breath out between bounds of laughter “I’m having such a great time. I would love to see you again if you’re down.”

He agrees, “I’m just talking so much. I want to hear more about Tessie next time!”

We’re smiling at each other like idiots when the waiter comes back with our check.

“I would love to see you again too...I’m going to my friend’s show on Sunday. It’s in Gowanus, would y—“

I cut him off before my brain can process all the details “YES!”

It isn’t until he ask me if I’m sure that I truly realise what I’ve agreed to. “Are you sure? That’s a long commute for you.”

The fact that he knows that and ask to confirm makes me extra sure.

“Yessss. It’ll be fun. I’d love to go.”

We fight over the bill and who will walk whom to the train. I eventually win because his walk  grants us more time together.

The wind is so intense, J1 links arms with me keep me from falling over.

When we make it to his station, the warm lights from my office building paint the street like a spotlight.

“I didn’t expect that have so much fun tonight.”

“Yeah. Me too...like that was great.”

We’re staring into each other’s eyes AND I’m Still surprised when he pulls my scarf away from mouth and leans down to kiss me.

I don’t know how much time passes when I finally pull away.

I DO have to be here in less that 6 hours.

“Text me when you’re home.”

He descends down the stairs and I’m swooning.

Nobody ever ASKS ME to do THAT!

At 1am, I’m tucked into bed and shoot a I’m home text. He surprises me, texting back immediately.

Thank you! I had a great time, glad you got home safe.

It’s three am when I can finally will my giddiness away. My eyes are just about to close when the reality sets in.

Holy shit, I’m going out on a Sunday….TO GOWANUS.

Lessons Learned: N/A Encounter rating: 9.8/10 🏆 Trophies earned:

First Queens Native

First Subway Station kiss

First time a 2nd date was planned during the first.