#constantly bringing my attention back to the present moment is so difficult! and yet so worth it

[abigailinc]

and here i thought my spiritual work was complete lmao (spiritual info dump in the tags)

[kazuchii]

Hihi, can I request hcs for Xingqiu, Venti, Albedo, and Diluc with a gn s/o that seems aloof but they're such an idiot? Like for the first time s/o's bf see's how soft s/o really is and s/o is kinda being a tsundere about how soft they really are. I hope that made sense ashbesjks

Aloof GN!Reader w/ Genshin Boys

A/N: Hellooo! Thank you for requesting! You’ll be my first request so I’ll do my best to fulfill everything! I hope everything seems in character, I really need to get used to writing different personality types.

Synopsis: The Genshin boys discover that their s/o is actually softer than they originally thought.

Characters: Albedo, Diluc, Venti, Xingqiu

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: N/A

Masterlist

Albedo definitely didn’t mind you being distant towards him. I mean, he struggles with interactions in general so he just assumed,

“Oh, they must struggle as well.”

He never saw it as an issue between you since he knew deep down that you deeply cared for him.

He knew you’d always come back to him at the end of the day, he fully trusted that fact about you.

Strangely enough, he found you an intriguing person due to this.

Although the citizens in Mondstadt appear to see him in a positive light, there still are many who fear him deep down. After all, he keeps his secrets zipped up inside him. They know absolutely nothing about him or anything he’s capable of.

But you…you didn’t seem to care about that. And he was thankful for that.

And that brings you to today; a bright sunny day with the rays from the sun gleaming down.

The two of you, along with Klee, were outside the walls of Mondstadt, nearby the lake surrounding the city of freedom.

Today, Klee decided to have a little play date with the two of you. While Albedo was painting away, you and Klee were supposed to play around together.

If he’s being honest, Albedo was a little nervous.

You and Klee had never played together before and due to the distant and cold personality he was used to when it came to you, he wasn’t sure how you’d react with being around a bouncy and hyper child such as Klee.

So when Albedo spotted you playing with Klee, a soft smile on your face, he had a mini heart attack.

Not because he was panicking or anything, but more because he wasn’t used to seeing you smile like this. It made his chest feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Later that day, Albedo made sure to comment on the event.

“Well, it appears you two were getting along fondly.”

“You were watching?!”

“Of course I was watching. How could I look away from that fond smile you had on your face?”

“Shut up!”

“It was very cute.”

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

Diluc and you first met months earlier. You were just another customer at first to him while he was simply a bartender.

Immediately though, he found you interesting.

While his other customers were loud and obnoxious, you would just sit at a table in the corner of Angels Share, minding your own business.

You would only ever speak to ask for another drink, which he would always provide.

“Another glass of apple cider, please.”

He doesn’t know what came over him when he decided he mentally decided to court you. He probably will never know the exact answer either.

It wasn’t the easiest either. Courting you was one of the most difficult things this man has ever done, and somehow he accomplished it in the end.

You were challenging with your distant personality, to say the least. It seemed to him that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, that you didn’t see him in the way he saw you.

So when you finally accepted him after weeks, the relief this man felt wash over him in an instant is indescribable.

Now present day, Diluc finds himself heading back to Angels Share in the middle of the night. The moon was directly above him as he silently walked through the city, the only other light source being lanturns.

Due to the drowsiness that he was currently feeling, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he spotted you.

“What in the world are they doing out in the middle of the night?”

But what startled him more than the time on the clock was your facial expression. For the first time, Diluc saw you smile.

Diluc just stood frozen in time as you sat there, rubbing the belly of a stray dog, an empty bowl beside you. He could only assume you’ve been taking care of a stray.

“Who’s a good boy? It’s you, isn’t it!”

“(Y/N)?”

You instantly froze in place, your head creaking towards Diluc’s direction.

“D-Diluc.”

“What in the world are you doing up at this hour?”

“I-I could say the same for you! What are you doing up this late, huh?!”

You shot up from the ground, face beet red.

“I asked you first, love.”

“NOTHING. I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING!”

“That dog below you giving you puppy dog eyes says otherwise-“

“WHATS A DOG??”

Venti was simply just strumming away at his lyre, the sound alluring the Mondstadt citizens around him as he stood at the foot of the Barbatos statue in the plaza.

His eyes were shut as he too, was preoccupied with listening to the soothing sounds.

When his fingers came slowly to a halt, his aqua green eyes peeked open, the sound of the citizens around him clapping filling his ears.

A smile morphed onto his face.

But soon that smile increased in size. Beyond the crowd surrounding him, he spotted you. You weren't doing anything special, just standing there.

“(Y/N)!”

The bard could hardly control the excitement of you watching him doing what he adored.

Although your facial expression read that of a bored person, Venti didn't seem to mind at all at that moment. Instead, he craved your attention.

Soon enough, the bard stood in front of you, his grin somehow getting wider.

"(Y/N)! Did you enjoy the song?"

"It was nice."

Nice? Only nice? Your facial expression said otherwise. Was the song boring to listen to? Did he mess up a note? Maybe it just wasn't your type of song.

Venti's eyes narrowed in thought, his lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed. He wanted you to say something more than just nice, he wanted you to smile for once due to one of his songs.

That is how you found yourself in this situation. Daily, Venti would find you around Mondstadt, play a song for you, and then wait for your response. He wanted you to say something more than the song was nice without a single hint of emotion before leaving.

But each time, that was your answer and Venti was getting annoyed. Not at you of course, but that he lacked the power to make you smile. He’s the Anemo God, but he can't seem to make his s/o smile.

So the astonishment Venti felt when he glimpsed his eyes over towards you after he played yet another song and saw you smiling ever so slightly, he almost dropped his lyre.

"(Y-Y/N)...are you smiling...?"

"Wait what-"

"I saw it! I saw you smile!"

When I tell you Venti was all over the place, I mean it. He was like a bouncy ball with him bouncing in every direction. But he couldn't control it. The pure bliss he felt in that moment took over all his actions.

"I-I didn't do anything. My face twitched."

"You can't lie to me! I saw it with my own eyes!"

The relationship between Xingqiu and you happened almost instantly. The two of you went from total strangers to Xingqiu always dragging you on his little adventures.

It all started with just a single sentence;

"Oh, you like Legend of the Shattered Halberd as well?"

Let me tell you, the look on his face when you said that. He always dreamed of having another person he could converse with when it came to books. So, the moment you said that he wasn't about to let you walk away without learning your name and other books you have read.

A friendship sparked between the two of you. He was one of the only people who would constantly talk with you even if you acted distantly. Soon enough, the two of you became a couple.

He wasn't worried about grabbing you from your home and taking you outside on a little adventure after he just finished reading one of his adventure novels. And of course, he'd always have a book with him during this time. You found that cute about him, but you never showed it.

Whenever the two of you would chat about books, Xingqiu was always shocked whenever you told him you haven't read a certain book.

"You're telling me you've never read The Pale Princess and the Six Pygmies?!"

"Never."

That's when he shoved the first volume in your face, an immediate serious expression on his face. Blinking a few times, you accepted the book from him.

"Read it and then tell me how you feel about it. I can give you the other volumes if you enjoy it."

"Okay."

Xingqiu thought you seemed wary at first to read it. He knew you weren't as majorly obsessed with books as he was, so he internally was just preparing for you to end up not reading it.

He didn't mind it though, reading wasn't for everyone after all.

The following day though, he felt the sudden urge to stop by Wanwen Bookhouse. He just wanted to skim some of the books there, maybe purchase one or two.

But those plans immediately ended when he spotted you. You were leaning against the wooden red railings, the book he had let you borrowed flipped open in your hands. And you were a chunk through it already.

Xingqiu could've worn his eyes were bulging out of his eye sockets because the one other thing he saw was the tiny smile located on your face.

You didn't seem to notice Xingqiu before he was standing right in front of you, a huge grin on his face.

"You seem to be enjoying the book I lent you. Would you care for the remaining volumes?"

You almost dropped the book as a shriek left your mouth.

"Where did you come from?!"

"Well, I felt the urge to stop by the bookhouse and saw you. So, about those other volumes..."

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, your cheeks slightly reddish.

"I'll...pick them up later..."

[yesimwriting]

Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a short story post or something I wonder how Our General Kirigan would react to a shy reader? Would he tease her? Be frustrated with her? And how would she react? Idk maybe just a thought 😅 I asked you because i really like your writing and I feel like you would really do a good job and I like the way you portray the General. 😊

a/n i have been crying/feeling shitty for the past two days for no reason!! so i thought it might make me feel better to try writing headcanons! i have SO MANY half done requests/fics but as of recently i hate everything that i write!! so i thought i'd work on this request that lends itself to headcanons

also im glad you like my writing :))

--

General Kirigan with a shy! reader headcanons:

- First things first, I think how he interacts with someone shy that he sees as a (potential) romantic interest varies per situation. Like generally, he finds the timidness kind of soft which is so different from what he's used to that he finds that aspect kind of endearing.

- He'd never admit that at the beginning, but the more time you spend with him the clearer it becomes to you because of how he acts when you're alone together

- At first, he'd hold onto his usual stoic disposition, but after realizing that at the end of the day your shyness is genuine and not an attempt to seem meek in order to trick people/him he'd begin to tease you about it when you two are alone.

- The first time he makes a comment that's just a little,, kinda-almost suggestive (a comment about how he wonders what it'd be like to be a Heartrender so that he could hear the change in your heartbeat every time you shied away from something) you're too confused to be embarrassed for like two seconds.

- You're basically that meme that's like did I hear that shit righttt??

- So you meet his gaze, and there's absolutely nothing but warm confidence there and you realize that he had in fact,,, said that.

- You hold his gaze for a moment out of protest (which is an incredible feat) and then you have to drop your eyes to the floor. You mumble some comment about how his ability to summon shadows isn't exactly a boring skill.

- Your reaction is so soft,, Kirigan can't help but be endeared even further. Something he wasn't exactly expecting and isn't too thrilled about. He doesn't think being shy makes you weak,, but he's extremely wary about how you're perceived and how people may treat you because of it.

- He doesn't doubt his ability to protect you, but he doesn't want to be distracted,, not with all he has to do.

- Still, he can't help mumble comments whenever there's a brief pause and you two are alone

- Meanwhile, you're starting to notice that now more situations keep coming up when you're left alone with Kirigan?? like he's always in the library when you are, he's always walking in to assess training when you're training and he just so happens to linger until you leave and then he just so happens needs to walk in the same hallway.

- It's a little strange at first,, but you're more horrified by the fact that you're not mad about it than the fact that it's happening. Especially since you know how much joy he gets from getting you flustered. You can see that in that slightly cocky uptilt to his lips whenever you're left gaping at him.

- Why doesn't it bother you?? You try to rationalize it and the only conclusion you can come to is the fact that he's attractive and powerful and even though your face gets hot whenever he talks to you,, there's appeal in those qualities. There's appeal in getting the infamous General to smile.

- Even if it costs you the bit of pride you have.

- You don't get why you're the one he seems to be going out of his way to speak to (maybe when your life is as stressful as his is,, at the end of the day you just want something easy and if he's in the mood to be flirty, you're easy) but you're not mad. You just have to constantly remind yourself to not be foolish enough to think you're the only one he goes out of his way to talk to.

- And as time progresses, you get a little more comfortable with his banter. You stop shying away completely,, which only encourages him to get bolder with his comments.

- Nothing insane,, not yet, just a little more direct.

- It kind of becomes a little game to him,, to see how flustered he can get you with the minimal amount of effort. Every once in awhile, you manage to act normally, but he's quick to shut that down by upping his game just slightly.

- After awhile, it starts to become a game for you too, to see how much of your instincts you can suppress just to take away some of his satisfaction. Only when he's getting a little too smug.

- But that's when y'all are alone...

- When you're surrounded by others, sometimes it feels like you don't even exist to each other. Sometimes that's a lonely feeling for both of you, but each of you is convinced that they're the only one that feels the absence.

- In your defense, you're much more entitled to those feelings because he can literally do whatever he wants. You can't just walk up to the General and do what?? ask him why he hasn't made any suggestive comment in the last couple of hours??

- please that embarrassing!! even if you weren't shy, that would be out of POCKET

- Meanwhile Kirigan is just like being angsty and debating the implications of seeking you out in an environment with so many important people. He could probably manage a minute or two by your side without making anyone suspicious, but the danger in that is that he won't be able to bring himself to leave after those minutes pass him.

- Worse,, he may even find an excuse for both of you to step out into the hall so that he can make his comments and take in your reactions in private.

- It's especially difficult when you have that one strand of hair just slightly out of place,, presenting the perfect excuse for him to just fix it and then drop his hand slowly so that his fingertips can brush the side of your cheek.

- And you're growing tired of the crowds of people you're not comfortable with and you're starting to feel more and more stupid for letting something that was so clearly just a playful distraction mean anything to you.

- But before either of you can succumb to your angsty pinning (cough, cough,, simps) his eyes will find yours from across the room and that's EVERYTHING

- At first, you want to be stiff and look away because it's probably not intentional, but then he gives you that little smirk. And then you feel stupid for ever doubting that you two at least have some kind of friendship. (maybe more,, but you're too scared to let yourself think that,, ;))

- And then you give him this shy smile,, and that's it. He's done--that one look undoes him entirely.

- So he starts shifting towards you as casually as possible, because if he can't be with you right now, surely being near you is good enough for now.

- You're unaware of this,, and when the moment ends you find yourself longing for more, but relatively satisfied. You don't expect anything from him, he's important and you're you.

- And being around people drains you because you genuinely want to stay out of any situation that would have too much attention on you at once. So once Kirigan moves and you can't find him in the crowd, you decide now is as good a time as any to step out and get some air, especially since no one currently needs you for anything.

- So you disappear into the corridor, planning to be gone only for a few minutes. But the second you're about two steps into the hallway, you hear another's footsteps.

- The hopeful part of you is like 'maybe it's him!!' but you don't really think that. There's something about the atmosphere that feels too tense,, too wrong for you to believe it's him.

- A moment later, your suspicions are confirmed. A grisha known for his impulsiveness is calling out to you, asking you where you're going.

- You explain that you just wanted to get some air and that you'd be returning in a minute. You try to sound dismissive, clearly establishing that you'd like your minute to yourself.

- It's clear that he understands the hint, but he doesn't move. He just keeps asking you questions.

- Your answers get shorter and shorter, the nerves your feeling tensing with each word as he begins to venture from falsely casual conversation to more flirtatious words. Being shy can leave you speaking too much, spluttering out words in hopes of saying the right thing to let you escape, but this is a different type of nervousness. Something feels wrong.

- And he just keeps saying things, things that even Kirigan wouldn't be able to get away with.

- All the while, you're desperate to escape, but they're persistent.

- And just when you're losing hope, and his advances get so bold he has you literally backed into a corner--a familiar voice comes to you like a lifeline.

- Kirigan, with all the authority of the general, questions what's going on. The guy that was so relentlessly hitting on you moves back like suddenly you're fire and begins to back away. He tries to explain himself but Kirigan is not having it.

- As soon as the stranger leaves, you feel like you can breathe again, but your nerves are still on edge. Kirigan's looking at you in a way you've never seen before. Sharp and almost--almost angry?

- You try to mumble a quick thanks, intending to disappear back to where you're supposed to be, but Kirigan's gaze keeps you planted against the wall.

- His gaze is so intense you ask him if he's alright.

- The question cracks something in him because of course you'd ask him if he's okay after something happened to you. His expression softens slightly, which you think is a good thing but then he speaks,, and his voice is not calm at all

- He's mad at the person that did that and the irrational part of him makes it seem like he's a little mad at you for letting that situation happen, but it's only because he's worried about what would have happened if he hadn't gotten there in time.

- And you're kind of confused because like?? what does he want from you? you made it clear you were uncomfortable and you were trying to get away?

- But after a quick snap and the fact that you're okay settles in,, he does feel a little bad. So he comes close to apologizing,, but that's basically just him saying he's glad that you're okay.

- You don't really ease, so he decides to make a partial joke about how maybe he needs to be around you more,, just to be safe,, you know

- And you smile slightly, and you're like 'y'know i'm not completely helpless.'

- and he's like 'pity,, i would've liked the excuse'

- your face instantly feels extremely warm and you're not sure what you could even, plausibly say to that. But you can't let him have the last word,, not like that. So you're overcompensating, rambling, but then at the end...you say something about how he doesn't really need an excuse to stay near you.

- When you realize what you've said, fight or flight kicks in,, but you can't move. And there's no casual way to escape, so you decide that maybe you'll cut your losses for today because that might have been your most significant reply to him ever, and you feel like an idiot because he was probably joking. And you just had to say that and make it weird.

- So you allow exactly one second of unfortunate silence, your eyes glued to the ground. And then you make some excuse about needing to get back to where you were.

- But Kirigan stops you, and you think about how you can't avoid looking him in the eyes forever, so you just kind of barely dare to glance upwards.

- And he's smiling broader than usual, the look is so warm it melts away all the bad feelings from earlier. You have absolutely no idea what it means, but you know it's not...bad.

- And then he shifts slightly, and that's when you realize he's never been this close before.

- He then asks if you're sure, voice much lower than earlier.

- You can't speak,, too trapped on a line you don't understand.

- But as he leans forward, the only answer he needs is the instinctual part of your lips as his warm breath reaches your cheek.

- And with that he turns his head just a fraction of an inch,, and his lips meet yours.

- It's just a quick brush of lips,, a soft test. And when you don't protest, he moves to let the contact be a little more assured, yet still teasing.

- Something in you grows impatient, and you move a little in hopes that he'll take the hint.

- But that's all it takes for him to pull away, expression bright and teasing before playfully chiding you for being so eager.

- He then turns, leaving you more flustered than ever.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Grief Always Lifts (Volturi x Reader)

You didn't expect to be sent away from the Cullen's. You were quickly chastised, never to look at it as being sent away, rather putting you in the care of someone else for your benefit. Losing a parent was never easy and it didn't need to be said that you were struggling. You went on day by day, the simple mundane things reminding you of your father and in turn, your loss. Carlisle and Esme thought it best you had a break from America. Somewhere new to really work through your emotions. The last place you thought they'd send you is to the Volturi. 

Sure, Italy was nothing like you were used to but the coven they said would care for you isn't entirely the caring type. You weren't even sure as to what made them agree to having you in their care but you had no doubt Aro probably latched onto the possibility of rekindling his friendship with Carlisle. Regardless, you agreed. A symptom of your grief that they had noticed. You weren't entirely present, agreeing to be convenient and not having a particular want for anything. Carlisle and Esme insisted that if you weren't comfortable, you didn't have to go but you left reassuring them you'd be fine. 

Marcus recognised the look in your eyes, beyond the exhaustion and blank stare your emotions were loud and clear to him. You felt so much pain that with some irony, you looked to be dead. As though the loss had killed you. However such a statement couldn't be further from the truth. You were very much alive, nearly drowning in whatever was going on in your mind. 

The three leaders welcomed you and made sure you knew the higher ranking guards names. Anyone you came across was introduced. Many matching your own blank expression take away the exhaustion that hung over you like a blanket since a few days after your fathers funeral. 

Demetri and Felix were the ones who took you to your room. You took in the room before turning to the two guards. "Thank you for all of your help." Your voice was as monotone as the minute you had arrived. Although your facial expressions were at bare minimum. You didn't blink very much and it gave off the illusion that your face was trying and very much failing to emote and keep up with your words. Demetri nodded once and the two took their leave, letting you settle in. 

"They look like they haven't slept in days." Felix said quietly. "Apparently they have been sleeping, that's just how they are currently." Demetri responded. Felix looked perplexed. "They were sent to us for a reason Felix. The Cullen's wouldn't have asked us if they weren't desperate." Demetri said. "Sure, it's just odd to see them so lifeless." Felix replied. Demetri nodded. "Seeing them like this in comparison to how we last saw them is very strange. Even the twins seemed to be caught off guard." 

"Is the room to your liking?" You looked over your shoulder to see Caius approaching you. "It's great." You responded. "Thank you so much, I don't think I've ever stayed somewhere to extravagant before." Caius cracked a smile. "We have expensive tastes here. I imagine that isn't the only thing you have noticed though." "You're right. The decor isn't exactly modern yet you still have the random TV, electricity and such. I think what I'm trying to say is that it's a perfect combination of old decor and convenient modern day technology." Caius hummed. "That is good. I can't say many of us use most of the modern equipment, although it has its uses every now and then. Such as warm water for you." It was your turn to crack a smile. It was nice they remembered the little details. "I've never had a room with a balcony. Not had one with such an amazing view either." You could see out to the ocean beyond the cliffs, the sun setting creating a cool breeze. "Yes, it is very beautiful. My wife adores the view. She doesn't see the buildings as much from the tower but she sees the sun rise and set. That's enough for her, she says." Caius said looking in the direction of the setting sun. You noticed Caius was never this talkative with anyone, never mind a human. It had gone from polite pleasantries to a conversation and you weren't sure what to make of it. "We must ask something of you, (Y/N). A few things actually." "Okay...I mean, it makes sense since you're letting me stay here." "We only ask that you do not leave your room when we are feeding. A guard will tell you when we are going to feed and when you can leave. At most you'd be in for an hour. We must also ask for your phone. You are more than free to make calls using the phone at reception but due to all of the things mobile phones can do, we must insist." You nodded. "Sure, that's reasonable." You dug into your pocket for your phone before handing it over. "Oh wait, can I turn it off first?" Caius looked down at the device in his hand. "I believe that would be best because I don't know what I'm looking at with these things." You cracked a smile, holding down the power button. "There." "Thank you." Caius nodded. 

They noticed that you slept, a lot. Sure they were told between 8-12 hours is enough but they let you sleep a little longer in case of jet lag or time differences. That was until it became apparent that these were no longer an issue. It couldn't have been healthy.  It was no surprise to anyone when Demetri and the twins opened your door to find you asleep. They already knew that of course, as did the rest of the castle. You were tucked into the covers, your face buried into your pillow, only the top of your back being visible to them. It would have been amusing or even adorable at the time, if it wasn't very concerning. 

Demetri crouched at your bedside. "(Y/N), it's time to wake up." Demetri said softly. You shifted before shaking your head. "Come on, darling. You'll sleep the day away." "Let me." Was the quiet grumble you responded with. This was confirmation that you weren't in high spirits today. Demetri rubbed at your arm that was under the covers. "We can't let you do that, darling. We'll be more than satisfied if you get out of bed and get changed. It'll make a lot of difference." "No, it won't." There was a whimper in your voice that time. Your grip on the covers tightening, your knuckles going white. "It doesn't bring him back. It doesn't make the day any easier because he's gone." Demetri moved closer. "I dreamt about him." You said, a sob breaking through. Demetri rubbed your back as you sobbed. Anyone with a sliver of empathy would have found it difficult to watch. Demetri had no doubt that he seemed like a villain to you right now. Asking almost the impossible but it was better for you. Not to mention, the leaders had already decided that this couldn't continue. "I know you're suffering right now sweetheart." Demetri rubbed back again soothingly. Demetri looked to the twins, nodding to them. A silent message to relay what had happened here to the leaders, to confirm the distress they could likely hear. "One step at a time. This is all you have to do today. In fact," Demetri paused, looking around the room. "why not get changed into those softer clothes you have. The ones you say are more comfier like your night clothes. Can you do that?"  It took a lot of coaxing but you caved, doing exactly that. 

A couple of more days passed and you seemed to just cry your way through them. Aro was the first to approach the matter. "I know that this all feels like an ending but you may find that-" Your gaze shot up to Aro's like a deer in headlights, feeling tears build up once more. "Aro, I don't think I'm ready to hear this right now." You managed out in a whisper. The only way the words would leave your mouth. "I thought I'd have my sister with me forever." Aro told you with a sad smile. "We were many years apart but she was my sister. We may not have grown up together but we were going to make up for that...with forever. One day that changed. I lost her. I won't lie to you, I will always remember that pain, and I'll still feel it every now and then but with time, it isn't so raw. It doesn't consume you as it does when it's fresh." You dropped your gaze from his once more, swallowing hard against the lump in your throat. "This feels like a pain that will never go away." "It lifts every day, my love." Aro responded. "Loss creates wounds and sometimes they scar but that's alright." Aro nodded.  

A tear ran down your cheek as you bit back a sob. Aro's words were actually comforting. It validated your feelings, telling you that you could feel that way whilst not undermining or dismissing it as something to be ignored as it would go away. Furthermore, it was a meeting point to help you understand that the pain you felt wasn't going to drown you, no matter how deep the pain went. It would get easier and you wouldn't forget. 

A day passed and it was possibly the most draining day you had yet. You felt tears constantly. Sometimes they fell yet it was for no reason, they'd leave as quickly as they arrived without explanation. Therefore you couldn't give any explanation to the Volturi. You were somewhat reluctant to see Marcus when he asked for you but you also knew you weren't in any position to refuse. 

You found the door was open as you entered. The room only illuminated by the fire to the right of the room and surrounded by two couches that looked old and exceptionally expensive- a dark brown wooden frame with padding covered with a rich red fabric. You quietly sighed to yourself the moment your eyes landed on Marcus. His back was turned to you, a very old, large book holding his attention. Or so you thought. "I know your pain, child." He said as you moved towards the fireplace, your arms crossed over chest. "I'm sorry for your loss." You grumbled.  Marcus turned to look at you before moving towards you. He gestured for you to sit in the seat behind you. As you did, he sat down opposite you. "I'm more concerned about yours." He responded. "We find ways to cope with loss. You have lost your way whilst trying to find yours." "I'm fine if that's what you're asking." You said. "I'm not asking. I know how you are feeling, (Y/N). I know not what you are thinking." Marcus replied. "You could always ask Aro. He's seen inside my head-." "Aro's sight is nothing to me in this case." Marcus interrupted. "It's meaningless. Hearing it from you gives it meaning." "You want me to talk about it." You said flatly. Marcus said nothing but looked at you expectantly which had confirmed your suspicions. You looked away, contemplating if you should. You came to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt. "I can't really figure out where I've to go from here, in life. I've never had to live without him." You answered.  "You go on, little one. There is no direction. No one is pointed in the correct direction. At the end of the day, you go there yourself. With everyday, you go on and that's exactly what you're supposed to do." He responded. "When someone puts their all into you, their love, their effort, their time, they grow a bond to you that can never be broken, not really. It's always there. So when someone loves you so much...it's never goodbye." Marcus continued. "The truth is...losing someone is never easy. It changes you and it changes your life but it's never more important to remember that life goes on and people will miss you when you're no longer around. I know you well enough to know you'd want your loved ones to carry on. That's what is being asked of you now."  Hearing Marcus' perspective was actually important to you in hindsight, seeing as he endured such a painful loss that still haunted him to this day. It meant he understood the feeling of something missing in your life. He knew that better than anyone. Although much like Aro's advice it was difficult to put into practice. 

Four days passed and you were fed up of the grief and the constant tears for the tiniest thing. When Caius wanted to see you, you couldn't help but think that he was going to lecture you. Tell you to get over yourself like you had told yourself time and time again. So when you met him on the balcony, you asked. "I suppose you're going to tell me to toughen up right?" You asked Caius. Caius turned his head to look at you, instead of the ocean view. "Is that what you need to hear?" Slowly you shook your head. "So what would be the point?" He asked and you shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just thinking about everything he wanted from me. If my time with him was enough." Caius hummed. "A parents wish is to never outlive their children. They raise you wanting you to be better than they could ever be and live your life as much as you can. Even more so, enjoy it. Be safe and happy, free of doubt." Caius continued. "He got so many years of your life and I bet if you asked him...he wouldn't give up even a moment of the time he had with you. I'd say your father did a wonderful job raising you." "Was it enough though? Was it enough to make him proud and continue believing in me?" Caius cracked a small smile. "I think your father couldn't be more proud of you every day he walked this earth and if there is life beyond the living, he's just as proud." "How do you know? That I made him proud?" You asked after a moment of silence. "Simply because I am proud of you and not only are you not my child...but I am also very difficult to please." Caius responded with ease. You had to swallow hard against the lump in your throat. "Everyone in this castle, every vampire no matter the rank has outlived their parents. Although you may be surprised to know that many among us, had their own children that they have since outlived. All of different ages, from the old to the young. Every single one would tell you the pain of outliving their children was much worse." Caius assured you. Your eyes narrowed. "is that supposed to make me feel bad for my feelings?" You wouldn't have expected any less of him. Caius hummed in amusement. "Not at all, it's something to consider that your father wouldn't have had it any other way." Caius responded. 

You weren't sure when things had changed but the grief wasn't so heavy on you. So much so, you got out of bed at a decent time, got changed and came down for breakfast.  Felix checked in on you as soon as it was evident you were awake but left you to get ready for the day in peace. After breakfast you found both Felix and Demetri in one of the living rooms watching TV. 

You had gotten closer to the two over time. Demetri went out if his way to make sure you were looked after and Felix tried to be something of a friend or even a distraction as he tried to include you in almost everything. 

"Well look who's here!" He grinned. "Come and pick us a movie. You've got good taste as we've learned." Felix patted the empty seat next to him. "No, I need to sit on that side of you- that's my good side." You said. "If I need to have your magnified gaze on me it should at least be on my good side." Felix paused, a small smile growing on his face. You couldn't help but giggle at his expression. "I'm sorry? You're good side? What does that mean?" He said through chuckles. "Is this a human thing I don't know about? You have sides to you now?" "No!" You started but began giggling hysterically. "Listen, I need to know how many sides you have. Is this like personalities? Which side came down to breakfast this morning?" Felix continued and you laughed even more. "Or is it an angel and devil kind of thing? Did you leave your bad side upstairs, sitting in the sink? Which is another conversation all together by the way." "No!" You laughed. Felix turned to Demetri. "I was sent to check on them Demetri, do you know where I found them? Sitting in the sink! When did humans ever do that!?" "It was to get closer to the mirror!" You cried out in your defence. "To check on your good side by any chance?" Felix responded. You had doubled over so much in laughter and uncontrollable coughing Felix looked at you quizzically. "Breathe, (Y/N), it's kind of popular amongst your kind!" Felix's statement didn't help you. Instead you laughed more, curling up into a ball where you stood. "What are you doing now!?" Felix said in mock exasperation, beginning to chuckle himself. "I have to or I'm going to pee myself!" You managed out and Felix suddenly roared in laughter. "Friend, Demetri, listen, Carlisle needs to order a new human. This one is broken." Felix laughed hysterically as Demetri smirked with a playful eye roll. You wiped at tears that had built up in your eyes. "Ah, see, now that you've stopped yourself from relieving yourself on our floor, it's coming out your eyes instead. Humans are great!" "Felix, that is not how that works." Demetri said, his eyes wide as you continued to laugh. "Yes I kn- you ruined my joke! Of course I know that!" Felix face palmed.

Felix stood up, pulling you to a stand and bringing you to sit with him, his arm over your shoulder. "There, there, deep breaths. I've got you kid." Before you could blink he was on the other side of you. "Soothe both sides of you." A other giggle escaped you as he grinned. Demetri looked at you both with a smile. This was much more like the human they were accustomed to. 

The day before you left, you visited Caius at his office, wanting to thank him for everything he had done for you. You were beyond aware he didn't have to say anything to console you. Yet he went above and beyond. "Come in." You heard his stern voice behind the door. "Hi, do you have a moment? I can come back later if it's more fitting?" You asked, looking at him as he moved a few sheets of paper to the side of his desk. "Not at all, you chose a very good moment. What is it?" Caius stood up, moving away from his desk and approached you, closing the door behind you. "Hm?" Caius promoted, slightly softer in tone than he had before. "I wanted to thank you, for taking me in and being there for me when I needed it most. I didn't have the expectation but you went above and beyond more than I could have ever asked of you. I'm grateful." You said. "Well, you certainly needed it. That I can tell you. It's a joy to see you've been more like yourself lately." Caius responded. You felt yourself gradually grow a little more emotional by the second. In some strange way, you were going to miss him and others of the Volturi. Despite being rather rough around the edges. "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this." You began. You feared his reaction but couldn't keep the thought to yourself. "You'd have been a really great father." You said swallowing against the lump in your throat. Caius looked slightly taken aback. His expression changed to something you couldn't quite describe. Awe wasn't the correct word but looked to be the closest thing. His eyes softening as though you had melted his heart with those words alone. He said nothing, unable to believe what he had heard. You immediately closed the gap, hugging him tightly. Caius inhaled sharply, uncertain what to do as you hugged his waist and your head against his chest. You couldn't see it but felt as Caius relaxed, a small smile growing upon his face. You felt a hand cradle the back of your head softly as his other arm wrapped around you. He bent ever so slightly, his head resting on top of yours. "You take care of yourself. Understand? I expect to hear of your transformation soon." He said quietly. When you broke away, he wasn't so emotional. Instead he gave you his signature smile. "I promise." You responded as he led you towards the door. 

Marcus was the next you visited, around two hours later. Softly, you had knocked on his door to his own study and received a soft "Enter." in response. "Hi." You began meekly. "Do you have a second?" You asked as Marcus was putting a book back on book shelf. One of many that covered the whole wall with cabinets at the bottom. "I do." He nodded, turning towards you. "I...Oh hell, this gets harder to do each time." You said, eyes wide. Marcus tilted his head. "Take a breath. I won't bite." Marcus offered you a comforting smile. You smiled at the irony. "I wanted to thank you. You took me in and helped me through probably the most difficult thing I've ever endured in my life. You didn't have to and you did anyway. I wanted to say thank you. I appreciate it more than I could put it into words." Marcus smiled slightly. "Then allow me to thank you, dear (Y/N)." You raised an eyebrow, confusion crossing your features. "It's not often we have such young hearts here, all of ours have faded. You may have shown us that humans can be such wonderful things. Some of us might argue you to be the most wonderful of all. So thank you for blessing us with your presence, little one." You felt tears build again, rendered speechless. Marcus smiled, if anyone understood. It was him. "Your father would be so proud of you and every moment you've spent with us has been nothing short of a gift to us. Never forget that." You nodded. "I'll never forget what you've done for me. I can't express how thankful I am to you and the Volturi. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you." "Ah, ah, remember my dear. You were always going to come through. You've always had that strength in you. That was never strength that we could give. You've had it from the very beginning. It just takes some time." Marcus softly took hold of your arms. "I know it's going to make longer than our time together to properly heal from this. Although I'm more than confident that you will be just fine." As tears threatened to fall, you smiled at him. "I really don't get how you don't have children." You said and Marcus chuckled. "It wasn't supposed to be." "They'd be so lucky!" You responded as the two of you moved towards the door. Marcus chuckled. "If I ever had a child, I'd hope they'd turn out like you." 

When you finally got a hold of Aro, it was in the throne room with Marcus and Caius. You bit your lip. "There's so much I want to say..." You said to him. "...but every time I go to talk I nearly cry." You admitted, the lump returning in your throat. Aro chuckled slightly. "Allow me then, my dear. You've shed enough tears." Aro stood up, descending the stairs with his hand extended towards you. You held out your hand and he took his, cradling it close to his chest. A warm, genuine smile grew on Aro's face. "We have such high hopes for you, young (Y/N)." He said softly. "Your time with us has been wonderful. You are a beautiful soul, my dear. The pleasure was ours, truly. You have no need to thank us." Aro finished. "I trust you will join our kind soon enough. Until then, be safe and send my regards to my dear friend Carlisle." You nodded and Aro nodded behind you. There stood Felix and Demetri who escorted you to the entrance. 

The twins stood in waiting, dismissing the receptionist as you approached. "Is that everything?" Demetri asked, nodding to the bags beside the desk. You nodded. "Yeah." You looked at the four of them, silence overtaking the room. "I wanted to thank you guys too. I know it's not easy to be around a human like you have since I've been here. Especially an emotional wreck of a human." You noticed Alec's slight smirk at this. "Oh come here!" Felix finally said loudly, hugging you tightly. "I'm going to miss having a human around here." He grumbled. "...the receptionist?" You reminded him. "It's not the same! I actually like you!" You smiled into his broad shoulder. "I'll miss you, Felix." You said. "Don't! I'll find a way to keep you!" Felix grinned, squeezing slightly. "They'll never know. I'll find a way!" You giggled as the two of you broke the hug. 

You stepped away, your attention moving to Demetri. "Of course I have to thank you!" You smiled, hugging him before he could respond. He smiled down at you, patting you on the back lightly. "Be safe." He said to you quietly. Finally you looked to the twins. "I know you two don't do the hugging and I've put you two through enough." Neither responded but Alec's gaze wasn't so harsh. It was an improvement as neither of them were glaring at you. "Thank you for putting up with me. I know it must have been annoying for you to have me around- being a human and all that." You smiled slightly at them. The twins were silent but you caught Alec sending you a smile. Whilst they didn't say anything to you, Alec's smile told you a lot. They didn't completely hate you. You weren't as bad as they had thought. Although they weren't quite willing to let their guard down around you. "You two take care." You nodded to them with a smile before turning away. "I believe the car is outside waiting for you." Demetri said with a small brief smile.

[starleska]

when Logic twists: an analysis of Logan, cognitive distortions, and a future Side

spoilers ahead! this is a little deep-dive into some foreshadowing in the latest Sanders Sides episode, and what i believe the team are going for in terms of Logan’s arc. just some thoughts i had after the episode - i hope you enjoy, and would love to hear your thoughts too :) tw for discussion around mental illness, trauma, abuse, intrusive thoughts, therapy, etc. 

so, we all know that Thomas does a marvellous job portraying difficulties with mental health. he uses interactions between his Sides to carve out fun stories that dramatise the the internal struggles which come with facing complex situations, including those which arise from your specific history and mental illnesses. the writing behind Sanders Sides often uses consideration of real symptoms and therapeutic techniques in order to impart useful advice to the audience who may be struggling with similar issues. with all of this in mind, i thoroughly believe that a good chunk of you are correct about this new Side (foreshadowed in Logan’s eyes) being Wrath, or some variant of Stress or Anger, and here’s why: 

Logan is the side of Thomas which is constantly needing to pick up the slack. not only does he spend a good deal of his time de-escalating conflict between the other Sides, he is constantly letting his own dreams (and consequently, needs) fall by the wayside to comfort, validate and assist Thomas' overall desires. we even literally see him benched during the court case with Janus - his input is considered unimportant unless he is deemed as the voice of reason. with this understanding, Logan is viewed by the other Sides as a Side who doesn’t need help. He’s Logic, so they believe he always knows what is appropriate, and how to control himself - or even that he doesn’t need to control himself at all.  yet i don’t believe this to be the case, and i think ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ foreshadows this in an intriguing way: by utilising the dynamic between Logan and Remus. for context, i am speaking as an individual who suffers from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), a form of PTSD. whilst the Thomas we know in the Sanders Sides universe is of course somewhat sanitised and simplified for the easier imparting of moral lessons, we know that this Thomas suffers from issues with intrusive thoughts, low self-esteem, and high anxiety. whether or not these can all be attributed to an underlying condition is irrelevant, but what is intriguing is whether these symptoms are being exacerbated by traumatic, triggering or otherwise stressful events affecting Thomas’ life - which, based on the direction ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ went (using the relationship with Nico as a conduit), i think is true. when you experience a number of traumatic events or an acute amount of stress, your Logic can become faulty. let’s think about Logan not as a super-genius who just knows what is the correct thing to do all of the time: his knowledge comes from a bank of information and experiences, which he constantly uses to provide a ‘rational’ stance next to the more ‘emotional’ traits of each Side. yet Logic relies on evidence in order to build up this ‘rationality’. let’s think about a scenario wherein you are told every day by someone that you are ugly. now, if this occurred later in life, your Logic might have already rationalised that this is not the case - that you are beautiful just as you are, that this person is seeking to hurt you, that they are projecting, etc. your Logic would make those reasonable counterpoints based on past experience. however, if you were told by multiple people throughout your life, every day, that you are ugly - say, from caregivers, or close friends - you would internalise ‘i am ugly’ as part of that internal Logic. in the first scenario, you would be able to accurately evaluate the thought, ‘i am ugly’ as a cognitive distortion. however, in the latter scenario, you may be unable to, because you have this bank of ‘evidence’ that other people perceive this as reality. even if those people are abusers, or have an ulterior motive, the notion will be internalised and become your reality - so your Logic will say, ‘i am ugly, based on all of the evidence.’  i find this interesting because in this latest episode, they specifically had Logan call attention to cognitive distortions. we must remember that Logan is a part of Thomas. this is Thomas attempting to rationalise with himself, to implement mindfulness and CBT techniques which he knows to be successful, because they have worked in the past and he has it on scientific authority that they help with intrusive thoughts. but this leads us to a question: what happens when you experience so many traumatic events, or so much stress, that your Logic turns against you and begins to validate your intrusive thoughts?  imagine for a moment Logan’s awesome rational power - but levied in support of all of Thomas’ deepest fears. in my own experience with CPTSD, a horribly thorny mental trap is the one you fall into when you start down the path of ‘i must be a horrible person, just like they said. i must have deserved everything done to me. look at all of the evidence.’ these thoughts often appear rational due to the intense nature of the sufferer’s pain, particularly if that pain is repeated or prolonged. i believe that Logan’s outburst, paired with Thomas’ fretting over not receiving a call back from Nico, are supposed to represent the building stages of this mental trap. such thoughts are difficult to emerge from, but they become even more difficult to deal with when met with a powerful emotion: Rage. if you have cause to think thoughts of the ‘i am a disgusting human being’ variety thanks to trauma, stress or similar negative events, often there is a good deal of pent-up Rage stored alongside. justifiable Rage, one might say - it certainly feels so in the mind of someone who has suffered so terribly. if one is prone to hating themselves, feeling inadequate or other fertile breeding ground for intrusive thoughts, they may also sometimes snap into the opposite extreme - becoming infuriated by everything that has happened to them, and that they are still needing to deal with yet more pain in the present. this is something i have suffered from personally: when mixed with trauma, it is equal parts emotional dysregulation, and being triggered by something. you might be enRaged by the idea that you were ever ‘passive’ as a victim of something terrible, and want to ‘fight back’. in other words, the emotional state of your Rage will feel justified - and this can cause you to engage in some deeply destructive behaviours. this is why i believe this new Dark Side will be Rage (or an equivalent). Logan’s ‘STOP IGNORING ME!’ speaks of a breaking point brought on by years of fixing other people’s problems, only to receive very little in return. there’s a misconception that people who are ‘good’ at handling stress or fixing other people’s problems (i.e., not showing much of the strain) are simply less stressed as a whole, and therefore should be saddled with yet more stress. Logan’s screaming at Remus, and Remus’ delight at Logan’s response, shows us that Logan is exhausted from all of the hard work that he’s had to do in order to fight Thomas’ intrusive thoughts and cognitive distortions, alongside the massive amount of stress in his life. likewise, by giving into his impulsivity and opening up more opportunities for further stress, Thomas has allowed Logan - and his Logic - to become vulnerable to Remus and intrusive thoughts. Logan may have successfully been able to dispel the intrusive thoughts which had no basis in reality (for instance, a murderer hiding in Thomas’ closet) - but what happens if Thomas is given validation for an intrusive thought? in other words - what if Logan feels he has reason to listen to Remus? i believe this Rage has been simmering within Thomas for a long time, and his debut is going to be explosive. there are lots of ways this debut could be written; some have theorised that Logic and Rage will be a kind of antithesis to the Creativitwins, wherein the two are fused as Thomas has internalised his Rage as having a Logical root. this would have Rage not as a separate side, but a kind of version or alternate mindset for Logan, a bit like how he was when in Virgil’s room. i would not be surprised at all for this episode to include both Remus and Janus - Remus, revelling in the intrusive thoughts which Logan/Rage is now allowing to fly free, and Janus, delighting in Logan/Rage’s validation of destructive behaviours, which may well include Deceit. i could also see Virgil being drawn in by this irresistible combination of Anxiety-fuelling thoughts - intrusive thoughts inspiring inadequacy, Deceit inspiring fear of being found out, and the terror of Logic being twisted to validate every fear Virgil has ever had for Thomas. you know when someone has hurt you really badly, and so in your head you come up with countless (awful, unrealistic, hurtful) ways to ‘get back at them’? that’s what i think the next Sanders Sides episode is going to be like.  of course, like Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts and Deceit, Rage will have his uses too. i believe, if any of this theorising is correct, that the next Sanders Sides episode will follow a narrative discussing if Rage is justified when one is hurt to a massive extreme, and what Logic can one follow when it backs up every destructive impulse. are you being Logical if you are full of Rage? basically, i think Logan (influenced by a breaking point and giving over to Rage) is going to do everything in his power to be destructive, under the idea that it is the only Logical thing to do. i believe he will fall to the horrific power of cognitive distortions and mental illness, and that the other Sides will need to use their strengths to bring him back. anyway, that’s all my thoughts! my apologies for any inaccuracies, or if anything in here was upsetting. i’d love to hear what you think about this, and your own theories! :D take care 💏

[stardust-kenobi]

Early Arrival

Obi Wan Kenobi x Gender Neutral Reader

Scenario: Master Kenobi requested that you, his padawan, attend a Jedi Council meeting with him. You arrive to his quarters early, but your master was not expecting your punctuality.

Warnings: male masturbation, vanilla smut, fluff :’)

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: I worked on this all day and it would’ve been posted sooner but tumblr yet again fucked me so I lost a lot of progress. So please forgive any errors or weird wording. I did my best :(  anywho I am so soft for this man. This story went in a totally different direction than I intended but I kinda like it.

You stand there, head tilted, as you check your appearance in the mirror one final time before departing your room. Your hands brush down the side of your body against the sleek cloth of your robes. You worried not how you presented yourself to just anyone, but specifically how you presented yourself to him.

If being a Jedi in training wasn’t challenging enough, your master happened to be one of the most breathtaking and charming men in the galaxy. Concentrating around Master Kenobi was more difficult than learning the art of being in touch with the force. What made it all even more challenging was the sudden self-realization that you had accidentally fallen in love with him. You thought it would pass with time, that it was only a fleeting moment, but it had been weeks, and your love for him only grew stronger. You had to constantly suppress your feelings around him because you feared that he could sense it.

This was the first break from physical training you had been granted in weeks. But your time was still accounted for. Today was the first time you’d sit in on a council meeting. As part of your training, Master Kenobi wanted you to understand how the meetings were conducted and what to expect if you ever found yourself a seat on the council one day. Your master took to you very quickly. Throughout your time together, based on your careful observations, he seemed more lively and attentive to you than anyone else he interacts with. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered at the mere though of going to his private quarters.

You glance at your clock, it’s an hour before you were instructed to arrive. You had unintentionally prepped yourself way too early.

I could arrive early. You think to yourself. That might please him.

You occasionally wondered if he’d thought about you in the way you so often thought of him. Gods, you couldn’t help but envision your hands entwined in his luscious, silky hair while he made passionate love to you. How sweet he’d sound moaning your name in pleasure. How gentle he’d be with your body.

No, Master Kenobi would never act so unprofessionally. He’d never reveal any attraction to his padawan, if he felt any at all, let alone act upon those feelings. You knew your recurrent fantasies were just that: fantasies. And having fantasies never hurt anyone, right? You shake your head as if to actually physically shake the intimate thoughts out of your mind.

“Focus, y/n” you whisper.

You gather yourself both emotionally and physically and travel through the luxurious halls of the temple to arrive at the elevators that will bring you to his floor. You take a very deep and audible breath while stationary on the elevator that was occupied only by yourself and your nerves.

The elevator loudly indicates that you’ve arrived at Master Kenobi’s floor. No matter how many times you have been around this man, you always seemed to be as nervous as you were during the previous encounter. Today was no different.

You stepped lightly through the lengthy distance between the elevator doors and Master Kenobi’s quarters. At the moment, he was the only one who occupied this section of this particular floor. The silence is usually deafening when you’re up here, but today...something was different.

Your pace was slow. There was obviously no need to rush. Then something caught your attention. With every step you took, you increasingly heard a low and inconsistent humming sound came from his quarters. A puzzled look was plastered onto your face.

He must be talking with someone. You think to yourself. It sounded like muffled voices.

This assumption slightly eased your nerves considering this meant you wouldn’t be alone with him. You exhale a subtle sigh of relief and picked up your pace. The humming slowly became more distinguishable as you closed the distance between you and the door.

Your entire mood was quickly transformed when you found yourself only several feet from the door. Your body came to a screeching halt at what you were able to distinguish from the continued sounds coming from the room. You peer your head closer and notice the door is slightly ajar.

“Oh, darling” you hear a deep moan escaping the crack in the door. It was Master Kenobi’s voice. You silently gasp as you attempt to get closer without alerting him of your presence. Was he with someone? Even the idea of this sent a flash of heated jealousy through your body while simultaneously piquing your curiosity.

“Yes, right there love” a breathless moan trailed the end of his quiet exclamation. You finally inch yourself close enough to peek into the room. Your heartbeat begins to rapidly race at what meets your eyes. You saw your Master in a state you’d only ever witnessed within the bounds of your sexual fantasies.

What little you could view revealed Obi Wan’s bare, broad, manly chest glistening with streams of his sweat. His mouth dropped slightly open, eyes gently shut, his head rested on his pillow, hair slicked back, still dripping wet from his shower. The door was blocking everything below his elbows, preventing you from determining whether or not he was alone. A daring shuffle of your feet allowed you to get a better view. The butterflies in your stomach suddenly migrated in between your thighs.

He was alone. Not a single piece of clothing clinging to his body. A soft moan that only you could hear rolled off your tongue. He lay on his bed, doing something you never imagined a Jedi would do. His large, strong right hand gripped his fully erect cock. He stroked his large length up and down at a steady motion, taking his time with his pleasure. You knew it was wrong to stay. You knew you should quietly turn around and leave. But how could you dare leave such a beautiful sight?

“Y/n...little one...you feel so good” he mutters through his soft, deep, passionate moans. You slapped a hand to your mouth to intercept the gasp that was instinctively leaving your mouth. He was thinking of...YOU. The warmth growing between your legs began to pulse and ache, demanding that you give it attention and relief. You bring your hand that wasn’t restricting your airflow to your core. You wasted no time to start slow. You rubbed your core firm and quickly, knowing that this sight in front of you would get you to orgasm quicker than any fantasy previously existing in your mind.

Your hand continued to muffle your moans and you watch his hand move faster. He was getting close and you could tell. He was so much bigger than you had imagined. You’d never wanted a man to take you and fuck you more than you did Master Kenobi. You wanted to barge into the room so badly and let him have his way with you, but you stay in your place by the door and pleasure yourself with him.

As his pace grew faster you could see his body became increasingly more restless. His hips bucked with his movements. His deep moans were mixed with whimpers and whines. He was so desperate to cum while imaging that he was absolutely ravaging you.

“Y/n...y/n...don’t stop” he moaned so softly into the empty air. The hand that was not stroking his cock was rested behind his head now, revealing his striking biceps that made you melt even further.

“Oh, y/n, you’re so beautiful” he lowered to a softer, more whisper. So delicate with his words. Your name flowed off his lips like honey. You got so close to your orgasm but you wanted to wait for him to reach his as well. The lust and pleasure overflowing in your body outweighed the feelings of guilt for invading his privacy. But to be fair, he did leave the door open.

“Fuck, yes, y/n, yes darling” he groaned louder than before. He was so close. His cock was twitching between his tight grip. His free hand moved to grip the sheets to brace for his climax. You rubbed your sensitive core faster to match his increased rhythm. Your breathing picked up as you felt a knot build in your core. You whimper into your hand as you feel yourself begin to fall apart under your own touch. If it had not been for Obi Wan’s loud orgasm masking the sounds of your uncontrollable moans, he surely would've heard you.

His mouth opened wider than before into an O shape and his legs began to to shake as he pumped himself harder and faster. His eyes were shut tight to delve deeper into his fantasy.

“I’m gonna cum, y/n” he says ever so breathlessly.

With a few more shaky and firm strokes sent him over the edge. His cum spilled out from his cock as he released beautiful melodic cries of pleasure while yelling your name. You ride out your high along with him. You needed a second to gather yourself before you could even move. Disbelief overcame you as you realized how bad he must want you as well.

Obi Wan lay there motionless except the rise and fall of his glistening chest as he attempts to catch his breath. His eyes finally pry open and stare blankly at the ceiling. You needed to leave. Soon he would realize the door was open or even worse, realize you were there. As you turn to return to the elevator, your foot is caught on the buckle of your shoe and you stumble forward.

You catch yourself before you completely meet the ground, but it caused enough commotion to alert him to your presence considering he is supposed to be the only one on that section of this floor. You shut your eyes tight, knowing you’re completely screwed now.

“Uh h-hello?” He begins. So innocent and nervous. “Is someone there?” He inquires through the door.

You contemplate ignoring his call, but you realize that he will probably come to check the hallway anyways once he makes himself decent.

“It’s me...Master Kenobi.” You respond hastily. “I um, I’m a little early...so I....Im sorry I’ll just come back later” you stumble over your words and sound like a complete mess. You hear some rummaging and footsteps approach the doorway as you slowly walk back to the elevators.

“Oh...um y/n, that’s quite alright. Just give me a moment” he had peeked his head outside the door frame. He had a light robe on to cover himself temporarily. His words were shaky and unsure as he surely tried to piece together how loud he was during his moments of pleasure.

Several minutes later he returns to the hallway, appearing flushed and frustrated. He had to know, right? He knew you heard or saw something. Oh man this was going to be awkward. You flash him a soft smile while trying to avoid eye contact. He didn’t avoid it. He tried to stare into your soul. He was trying to sense something. You weren’t sure what.

“I just finished getting ready prior to when I expected and just wanted to please you by arriving early.” You explain yourself without being asked to.

His eyebrows raised in reaction to the explanation.

“My young padawan, I hate to pry, but I feel it necessary for me to ask this. When did you arrive on this floor?” He asks with a trace of concern in his tone.

“I only just arrived, master” you respond, feeling guilty for the obvious lie.

“Don’t lie to me, y/n. I can sense your dishonesty” he responds, quickly and sternly.

“I’m sorry, Master Kenobi” you swallow hard at the embarrassment of indirectly admitting that you watched him masturbate.

“How much did you see, padawan?” He inquires, his tone implying that he was embarrassed and ashamed. He still managed to try to look you in the eye.

“I saw too much, Master, I should have left. It was an invasion of your privacy” you were so incredibly mortified to be discussing this now. There was an awkward silence that felt longer than it truly was, and you stared at your feet and the shoes that blew your cover.

“Come sit, little one” He says and gestures to the lounge chairs next to you two in the hallway. He seemed to calm on the outside. You follow his lead and sit with him, you still remained the only souls in the are.

“Y/n. It’s my fault. I should have closed my door. How foolish of me...” he begins.

“No, really Master, it’s my fau-“

“Hush now. I assume that it is clear now that I have these feelings towards you. Feelings that I truly haven’t felt in years” he continues “we both know this feeling of attachment is forbidden, which makes this all the more harder to handle. But I’m just not sure that I can help myself”

“If it’s only physical desires, Master, I don’t think it’s considered an attachment” you try to console him while internally freaking out that this conversation was even happening.

“Well, my padawan, it’s not only lust.” He paused for what felt like an excruciatingly long time. “I’m in love with you” he confesses, eyes still shooting into your like daggers. Your breath and heart skip together in sync. Your eyes and mouth refused to shut with this new information that warmed your whole body.

“You don’t have to say anything” Obi Wan continues “but it’s best that you know how I feel, especially after what you’ve seen...and heard.” His head drops in shame.

You remain speechless. You loved him too. With all your heart. But you couldn’t make the words come out.

He looked up at your face again and his eyes fell disappointed at the lack of engagement on your side of the conversation. He grabbed your hands gently and held them so delicately.

“I am glad that you know how I feel, but I am so sorry that you found out this way. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mortified right now” he sounds somber.  “I can place a request for you to be assigned a new master, if that’s what you would prefer. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable” he says with genuine concern.

“No, please” You finally free the words from your mouth like it was forcefully pulled out of you. Maybe it was. “I’m not too great with words, sir... but” you stumble on your words again before thinking of a way to wrap up everything you wanted to tell him.

You lock eyes with him and hold an intense gaze for several moments. Your eyes travel to his lips, then back to his soft eyes. You move in swiftly to his face and press your lips to his expectant lips. He immediately accepts the kiss, and brings his hand to your face to hold you. He was warm and delicate against your lips and you melted into his loving touch. You had waited far too long for this very moment. And it was everything you had imagined.

The kiss was brief, but it wrapped up the very words that you wanted to say to him in that unexpected moment. You pull away slowly and could feel the smile painted on his face.

“I’m in love with you too, Obi Wan” you confess so quietly even with not a soul in sight to hear you except him. His eyes sparkled brighter than all the stars in the galaxy at the sound of those words rolling off your tongue. He chuckled softly, so pleasantly surprised at your reaction.

“I’m honored to hear you say that, y/n” He looks down at your hands that were intertwined with his own.There were more moments of silence between the two of you.

“So after this meeting, what do you say we um...continue what I accidentally saw today, hm? If that is something you want of course.” You suggest, a slight smirk on creeping onto your face.

“Oh, darling, I’d want nothing more.” He smiles ear to ear and pulls your face into his for a passionate kiss that lasted much longer than your first.

[juuten]

Unto the Path(s) We Choose | Winter Troupe

Aimee said: I am so grateful for the opportunity to write for A3! Soundtracks zine. Because of this, I weaved up one of my masterpieces :D

Even though the theme is supposed to be the Winter troupe's dynamics based on ‘to bloom...’,  it is actually difficult to define. This is because the troupe members themselves do not know how to describe their relationship (besides them consisting of adults). Either way, there’s still something that intertwines them that made them a tight-knitted group.

Let me know your interpretations or thoughts on this piece! I’m so interested in your insights~

But before that, do check out my fellow contributors’ pieces! I’m sure their works are magnificent. 

Special thanks to @fieryanmitsu​, who constantly beta-read and willingly gave their insights to me.  I’m so grateful to you and I learned a lot from you!

WARNING: Implied spoilers about everyone’s past. Read at your own discretion.

Tsumugi knew the moment he bought that train ticket that he should have been ready to move forward. 

He climbed down the snow-covered stairs of Veludo Station. Then at the corner of the street, he saw a crowd around a performing group. Tsumugi’s lips curled upwards. Watching performances and acting in his beloved town always brought a smile to his face even though he left for so long.  

He was about to head towards the current etude, but his feet stopped as a familiar face appeared before him. 

“...Why are you here?”

Shivers went down Tsumugi’s spine. Were they from the freezing air that blew past him or the glare from the man in front of him?

Tsumugi sheepishly smiled at him. “It’s been a while…”

His greeting was received by a chilling silence. With that, Tsumugi looked everywhere except at his old childhood friend. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Tsumugi spotted an abundance of two species of flowers situated on a planter box beside a lamppost. Snow enveloped their petals, leaving only a glimpse of their vibrant colors. But a gardener’s eye would not be easily veiled. The purple ones each had three large rounded petals, acting as the crown of the small bud at its center. It was simple but elegant, fitting the title “Queen of Flowers.” Meanwhile, the yellow ones were yet to bud. Nevertheless, the gardener had a guess.

Tsumugi turned to Tasuku and pointed at the flowers with twinkling eyes. “I think the yellow ones are narcissus and the purple ones are orchids.” 

“Talking about flowers so suddenly…” Tasuku sighed. Despite being apart for years, Tsumugi was the same. If Tasuku was often immersed in his role for an upcoming play, Tsumugi was the one who became engrossed whenever talking about flowers. Once entering that state, it was difficult to divert his attention to another topic unless it was acting. 

But why should he bring up acting to the person who ran away from it? With that thought, he had no choice but to play along. 

“What do they mean, then?” Tasuku asked. Tsumugi tensed up, the sparkles in his blue orbs vanishing. Tasuku noticed it, but made no effort to ask further.

“Narcissus means rebirth and new beginnings. That’s why…” Tsumugi balled his hands into fists. “That’s why I came back here. I wanted to act again.”

Tasuku’s eyes turned into slits. “After running away and then suddenly showing up, you think you can say that?”

“Tasuku…” Tsumugi’s fists unclenched and his shoulders slumped. Letting out a shaky breath, he said, “Do you know I always remember you whenever I see orchids?”

Tsumugi longingly gazed at the snow-clad orchids. “Like you, they present themselves with dignity. That’s one of the reasons I respect you as an actor.” 

Then he turned to Tasuku with a tender look. “More than that, I have admired your acting ever since we were in the drama club. It made me love theatre more. That didn’t change when you became part of God Troupe.”

Tasuku gaped at Tsumugi's words for a second before clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth. “You could've stayed.”

Tsumugi hung his head low. “I couldn’t back then."

On that day, I realized—my acting was far from good enough for me to be on stage.

With a sad smile on his lips, Tsumugi murmured a ‘goodbye’ before walking past Tasuku. Tsumugi wrapped his coat tighter around him as if protecting himself from the harshness of the winter night.

Meanwhile, a question that Tasuku had forcibly locked up inside his heart re-emerged—did Tsumugi even know how much he admired his acting? It was an act that drew you with every move. He could never imitate such an elegant and subtle form.

But like in the past, he kept such thoughts to himself. After passing the God Troupe auditions, Tasuku had thought it was best to be silent towards his life-long friend. He did not want to come off as boastful since Tsumugi had been rejected. However, it ended in his childhood friend’s sudden departure. 

Now that Tasuku saw him again, the flames of regret and resentment blazed in his heart. He shoved Tsumugi away from him, repeating yet again his mistake.

How could I stand on stage with you again?

Blinded by his frustration, Tasuku almost crashed into a rose shrub near a shop as he headed in the opposite direction of Tsumugi.

Homare knew the moment he saw his lover’s glistening tears that he had wounded her again.

Her hands gripped the paper so tight, the paper creased. “Homare… are you making fun of me?”

Homare set down his cup of tea on the table. “Certainly not, my rose. I intended to soothe your bruised heart—”

“By pointing out my insecurities with metaphors in your poem?” 

Homare opened his mouth, but his beloved gave no time for him to answer. “Homare, I drafted billions of plans and spent sleepless nights for this project. I faced many rejections too. Now that it’s come into fruition, how will you feel if barely anyone acknowledges you?” 

“It’s so frustrating because I feel like I’m still a failure!” She slammed her hands and the crumpled paper on the tablecloth, making other customers worriedly glance at them. 

“That’s why I need your emotional support, Homare. But...” With more tears slipping from her eyes, she said, “you’re really a broken cyborg.” 

The woman stood up and shoved the crumpled paper into his chest before she left. Homare was frozen on his seat, his eyes glued to the paper. The whispers surrounding his table faded into the background; his now ex-lover’s words echoed in his mind.

A broken cyborg… is that who I am?

Homare lowered his head in shame. Whenever he tried to help and comfort his (former) lover, it always ended with her in tears. But that did not stop him from attempting to express his kindness. Since his (former) lover was severely in low spirits, he had dedicated nights to perfect his poem for her. He never thought it would become a sword that tore her soul into pieces.

Homare snapped out of his thoughts when a waiter stopped by his table. “Sir, are you alright?” 

“Do not worry. I am merely contemplating today's events.” He bowed at the waiter. “I apologize for the trouble I have caused. Please give me the bill.”

The waiter nodded before leaving. After a while, he returned with the bill. Homare placed the required amount of money on the table and left the restaurant.

As he wandered around the snow-engulfed streets, Homare heaved a deep sigh. He grabbed his pocket watch from his coat’s pocket. He checked the time only to see its hands still again. 

Before Homare became aware of it, his feet had led him to a watch shop. The first thing that caught his attention was the shop’s sign that offered watch repairs. Homare stared at his pocket watch with a crestfallen expression. No matter how many times his co-workers suggested getting his watch fixed, he could not. He had always felt like the watch was a reflection of himself. Similar to it, the gears of his heart stopped working a long time ago. He never understood a person's thought process and hurt people countless times. As his ex-lover had called him, he was a broken cyborg.

Perhaps grandmother also thought the same when she gave the watch to me. 

As Homare read the shop’s sign once more, he clutched the pocket watch towards his chest. What if the watchmaker told him that his pocket watch could no longer be fixed? Then it was possible that he was beyond repair as well. It would mean he would forever remain as a broken cyborg who shattered people's hearts regardless of his intentions. 

Homare shook his head and put back the watch inside his coat pocket. "‘We know what we are, but know not what we may be.’"

Noticing the potted unbloomed white anemones in front of a nearby apartment, the poet said, "Though I wish to become like those gentle flowers who never hurt anyone."

With the pocket watch feeling heavier inside his coat pocket, Homare walked down the street away from the watch shop. 

Hisoka knew the moment he was pushed off the cliff that he was on the brink of death.

As he let the waters consume him, moments from minutes ago flashed before his eyes. 

There was an unspoken rule when you were cornered—die or be captured by your enemies. But Hisoka found it uncanny for the enemies to ambush them at the same secluded cliff. 

Nevertheless, he ripped the little bottle off his necklace and drank its contents down to the last drop. Instead of a swift painless death, an intense headache seized Hisoka. He turned to the man beside him and searched his eyes for an explanation. 

The man tenderly smiled despite the red puddle forming around him. “I wanted you and April… to live a new life…” 

How could he when he failed to protect his family? How would April feel if he found that out? And in the first place, Hisoka could never live with erased memories about his family.

Besides, who would even accept him after all he has done? 

Forgotten memories did not mean he was in a clean slate. There was the possibility of someone discovering his true identity, endangering the people near him. After witnessing the death of his precious family member, he could not let that happen again.

As Hisoka’s consciousness slowly slipped away, he remembered his dying family’s last words.

"Please… fulfill it… for me..."

Hisoka's eyes shot open. If he were alive, then his family’s death would not be in vain. Would he also have that silly grin on his face up there?

Hisoka swam towards the surface of the sea and gasped for breath. He looked in all directions, his eyes lingering on the cliff. He shook his head and took a deep breath. Before he dove again, his head excruciatingly throbbed. Black spots slowly covered his vision. Hisoka bit his tongue, the metallic taste of blood penetrating his tongue. 

It felt like he had swum kilometers before he finally saw the shore. When Hisoka emerged from the waters, his face would have landed on the snowy sand if not for his (wobbling) arms. 

At the corner of his eye, he saw the waters near the shore carrying a cup-shaped red flower. He turned around and picked it up. Brushing his fingers on its few ovate petals, the color reminded him of his family's burning desire of giving him a new start.

Hisoka gently placed the camellia at the edge of the beach. Then he stood up, watching the waters bury the flower before turning his back to the sea.

"Goodbye… and thank you." 

He never knew he could cry until he felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Hisoka did not bother to wipe them; it was the only time he could show weakness. He would take this chance to grieve for the man who had let him experience the warmth of a family. 

Suddenly, Hisoka’s head pounded again. His body dropped on the snowy sand. The man could hardly move and his heart beated erratically. After countless attempts, he managed to stand. With trembling knees and ragged breaths, Hisoka trudged forward while gazing at the dark starry sky. 

Unbeknownst to him, four strangers walking along a path of their own lives also witnessed the same view.

Azuma knew the moment he opened his eyes that there would be no one beside him. 

The lamp on the nightstand shed light on the empty spot on the bed. He could still smell his client’s perfume on the pillow beside him. But like their scent and any other client, their presence was fleeting. The only constant in his life was the shadows that greeted him from the dark empty corners of the room.

His hand wandered on the space beside him. “As always, I didn’t get to say ‘take care’…”

Azuma let out a shaky sigh, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself. He wanted to sleep again before those thoughts consumed him. 

He was about to grab the essential oil on top of his drawer, but his hand stopped midway. Azuma laid his hand on top of a metallic key instead, feeling its coldness. He brushed his fingers over the rust. His heart tremendously ached. The rust reminded him of how long he had lived all by himself. Despite burying it in the deep corners of his mind for years, the memory of his brother and parents leaving that day still haunted him. 

Azuma clutched the key inside his fist. “Don’t leave…”

He should have said that to his family at that time. But Azuma had swallowed his words back then; he had thought they would return as always. He had believed there would be another chance to go on a trip with them.

However, life had chosen his family as the next unfortunate souls. 

Azuma rapidly blinked his eyes to stop his tears from falling. After a few deep breaths, he slowly rose from the bed. 

I need a drink.

He took his wallet and phone from the top drawer. Azuma stared at the key on his palm once again before placing it inside his wallet. Then he wore his mint coat that hung on the closet’s handle. After tying the laces of his boots, he went outside. 

As Azuma strolled along the snow-covered streets, his ears perked up at the sudden sound of laughter and lively chattering near him. He searched for the source and saw a large building at the side. His lower lip quivered. If only he could live in a place like that, then it would keep his nightmares at bay.

From the corner of his eye, Azuma saw a flyer taped on the lamppost beside the building. He approached it and read its contents.

MANKAI Company’s Winter Troupe Auditions. Azuma glanced at the signboard hanging at the entrance of the lively building. It had the same ‘M’ on the middle of the poster’s logo. 

He took a photo of the flyer without a second thought. Then Azuma quickly walked away, passing by the pots of yet-to-bloom yellow ranunculus. After buying sake, he would go to the beach and drink there. Then he would gaze at the stars with one goal in mind—pass the audition and live in that dormitory. Certainly, there would be people there to greet him everyday instead of the shadows. 

And he would have the chance to say ‘take care' before they left.

While the five men's anguish continued to crush their souls, a whisper of their desire resonated in their hearts—to find a path that turns their regrets into opportunities and grants them a life with budding hopes and dreams.

[ladecena]

DREAM💃💫

Mich Delavega’s ambition is to be a dancer, but her father has refused to support her for no apparent reason. Is she willing to take a chance? Did she carry on with her aspirations despite her father’s disapproval? Was she brave enough to fight for what she truly desired?

I’m strolling slowly down the corridor, thinking about what happened the day before. Dad and I got into an argument over what I wanted, and when he found out that I was secretly competing in a dance competition, he was upset and demanded me to stop. It’s strange until he brings up the matter of my cousin’s accident. What a pitiful excuse, yet it’s true. 

Danica was the first person I met. It’s just me and my one and only best pal. She greeted me with a grin and handed me a piece of paper. It’s a Dance Battle Poster for our Students Days

Flashback

I’m looking forward to coming back home. Danica and I attended a competition altogether. This is our sixth win in this competition; we always enter but keep it a secret from Dad because if he finds out, he will be furious. Dancing is really something he despises. I’m not sure why, but it began when I begged with Dad to enroll me in a dance class. He encouraged me to stop, but I’m a stubborn person, and then there was an accident because my cousin was causing difficulty because of the dance, and my father became upset, as if she was cursing the dance for the rest of his life.

As I arrived home, I found my mother watching TV on the couch and my father reading the newspaper when I opened the door. I approach them from behind and give them a kiss on their cheeks.

When I saw the diploma, prize, and tape of my dance practice and competition, my eyes widened.

“Tell me, what is this Mich Delavega!”

My father was constantly yelling. I put my hands over my ears and close them. I’m terrified.

“How long? 3 years? Did you just spend all of my money on dancing?”

While I was crying, my mother sat next to me and embraced me so tightly. Why was Dad acting so strangely? In my head, I said.

End of flashback

That day has stayed with me to this day. I’m in the library at my school. I’m pursuing BSBA since it’s what my father wants me to do. They are businessmen/women, and I am the next in line to become our company’s CEO.

After a few hours, school was over. We were both eager to go home, so I got to work right away. Danica, on the other hand, interrupted me. She invites me to join her in a studio with her.

We don’t need to drive because Jigs Studio is close to our school. We arrived at the studio’s entrance. When I hear music blaring, my heart jumps. It really is as if it’s encouraging me to move, sway, and enjoy the beat. I smile quietly at myself.

I’m really looking forward to the battle. I can’t seem to stop grinning. This is my dream, which my father has thwarted.

The competition was about to start when we found a seat.

“Hello there, everyone! Thank you for attending this battle. I know you’re all excited to see this, so let’s get this fight started between Black mamba and Higher kids!!!!” The host said

 And we’re all clapping, and I can hear some audience members shouting from every nook and cranny of the studio. In a few moments, the two contestants will be here, facing each other. Each contender will showcase their moves on the platform in the first round. In round two, they choose one member to defy their group and battle against the other, and in round three, one of the audience members will perform the song that they have picked.

We’ve been through much too much. Danica and I had a good time during the match. When I returned home, I found my mother seated on our couch, watching television.

“Hello, mom,” I said, smiling.

“What’s the matter with you? Are you all right?” My mum replied casually

“Mom, I’m fine. By the way, I need to get some sleep.”

I went to my room, changed into my pajamas, and fell asleep in my bed.

I awakened the next morning with a playful smirk on my face. Today I’m in such a great mood. I get out of bed and begin my morning routine.

I excitedly entered our kitchen, and while I ate my breakfast, mom noticed me and kissed me on the cheeks.

I finished my meal and went to see my father. I need to tell him something when I’m in the backyard, I smell some burning plastic. I walked to where it came from and my jaw dropped when I saw my things get burnt.

"Daddddddddddd!”

I raced up to him and tried to stop him, but it was too late; my possessions had went up in flames. While observing the fire, I slam myself on the grass. When the fires are all out, I stare angrily at my father.

"You deserve it. This is your punishment." 

"What do you mean Dad?! I’m not sure why you feel that way and you need to burn my stuffs, which were extremely valuable to me!”

I cried as I ran inside our home.

Mom came in my room to console me. When she saw my sad face, she looked so sorrowful.

“You’re aware of how much I cherish you. You are my daughter. You grew up beside me. I fell madly in love with those beautiful eyes the first time I saw you. Even though it was difficult for me to accept those gorgeous eyes, I did so because I believe that if I put my hand on you, you’d be mine. You are going to be my daughter. She cried as she stated it.

"Why are you bringing this up now, Mom?” As I stated earlier

Moms, like dads, have an odd habit of saying gibberish.

“Sweetheart I’m not your biological mother.”

“You can’t play at me like that, mom, I’m not a fool.”

“Please accept my apologies.”

When she apologizes, I take a serious expression on my face. Is this true? Is this a dream? If that’s the case, kindly wake me up. I despise these feeling. I turned to face my mother, who was sobbing in front of me. A lot of people were staring at us as well. To grab her attention, I mimic a cough.

“What is her name? What is the name of my mother?”

“Your mother Mich is your father’s first wife.”

“Is that my father’s explanation? Why is he putting pressure on me to give up my ambition of becoming a dancer?” Mom gave me a nod as I spoke.

Dad walked on me and looked me in the eyes.

“She is, she’s your mother. That is why I do not want you to pursue a career as a dancer. That dream will destroy you, as well as our family. "My father’s eyes welled up with tears as he spoke.

It was the first time I had ever seen him cry. "Is it a lot of pain?” In my head, I asked.

“Your mother abandoned us. She had only just given birth and had already departed. She is unconcerned about us. She is more dedicated to her passion than the rest of us, and I don’t want you to follow in her footsteps. That’s why I’m putting a halt to you.

"Dad embraced me and grabbed my shoulder.”

"Can you put your faith in me, Dad? I will never abandon you, father, as she did.” I said this while gazing him in the eyes. He turned around to avoid looking at me.

I take my father’s hand in mine. While I’m face the ground, he glances at me.

“I apologize for not being a good parent to you. I’m sorry that I’ve gotten selfish since I’m a useless father. I let you show me what you were passionate about.”

“Do your best,” he added as he walked away. 

“I’ll make my dad proud!” I said

Tomorrow morning, I arrived at Danica’s house, we agreed to enter a dance competition. All I know is that I want to impress my family, so Danica and I put in a lot of preparation and effort before the competition, and it is quite difficult for us.

The competition will begin in three weeks. We’re both exhausted, but we’re having a great time.

Danica and I are both excited and worried on the day of the completion. Our names are called by the presenter after several hours, and we confidently walk up to the stage.

I began to sexily dance in a chair. It’s wonderful. Dance made me feel strong, seductive, and fearless! There’s something about dancing in a new and vulnerable way in my heart that makes me happy. To be honest, when I did chair dance, I felt like an acrobatic goddess.

Danica moves sexily in the chair as well, lowering her upper body to the seat and slowly lifting her feet off the floor until her legs are in the air. She pauses for a second to catch her breath before smiling.

We ended the song by posing beautifully in front of a lot of people clapping on us. We smiled and hugged each other.

“We made it!” I whisper

In the end, we succeeded. We’re ecstatic because this is the first time I’ve ever danced in front of many audience, and my father is seeing me perform live.

We’re still here to thank everyone in the crowd and the judges, even though the program is ended.

In back stage, I saw my family.

“Mom! Dad!” I shouted something and dashed over to hug them.

“You did a great job, sweetheart,” my mother replied, beaming.

I fixed my gaze on my father. Before we departed, he gave Danica and me a bunch of flowers and congratulated us.

When we came home, I went straight to my room to rest, and then my father called me. I take a few steps forward and open the door.

“Hello, Dad!” He smiled at me and instructed me to be in my room.

He handed me a medium-sized box and added, “I forgot to give this to you.” I’m happy for you. This should be kept.

“Thank you, Dad!” I said

I was shocked when I found a necklace and key, as well as a camera and two papers. I take the key first and turn to face my father.

“I bought one of the studios near our house,” he continued, “so you and Danica can practice there.”

“I know you wanted to go to a dancing school when you were younger, but I’m not permitting it; nonetheless, I believe it’s not too late to join you, right?!” I hugged him tightly and cried.

“Thank you dad, you made me happy. Thank you so much! I promise you I will work hard to make you proud. ”

“You don’t need to work hard to make me proud because right now I’m so proud of you.”

We smiled and hugged one other passionately.

I run into a lot of challenges in this world as a result of pursuing my dream. Nothing can readily obtain it. Before we can get what we really want, we need to go through the needle hole. We must be strong and confident, but we must also remember to smile. To all of us, Dream is really significant because it leads to success. So keep dreaming and, if you truly want something, take a chance, even if it seems impossible. I am Mich Delavega, A Business Woman and a Professional Dancer.

- peachy k. 🍑 

June 10, 2021

[belit0]

@tinypaperwhispers​

Heyy! I love your blog so much, can't believe you don't have more followers!:o I wanted to ask a request, I didn't even see it on tumblr anywhere ever so i hope you'll like it:)). Could you do Madasaku and Izusaku headcanons?👀 both sfw and n*-fw. (I saw you also write about Sakura besides the Uchiha - i love these pairings💟) Thankks!

Thank you, beautiful! My blog is relatively new, so I’m growing by baby steps :) thanks for your support!!🧙🏻‍♀️🖤✨

MadaSaku [SFW]

These two had trouble getting along at first, just like two thick skulls! We know Madara for his awful temper, but nobody talks about Sakura’s as much as they should.

Being such a strong and independent woman, this kunoichi could never comply with the stereotype that this Uchiha is used to frequent. Having such a dominant character, he enjoys subduing others.

But when his path impacts her, everything takes a turn. She is not someone who will easily carry out his orders like anyone else, and this presents a challenge, something that intrigues him.

How did they end up together? Let’s say that, after the war, Madara survived, but his chakra paths were destroyed with the rise of Kaguya, so it is decided that he is no longer a threat, that he can be valuable to the village. Thus begins his rehabilitation, which Sakura has to take care of.

Before they realize it, they are dancing before a fire that grows between them, and there is no way to avoid it.

The relationship is quite balanced. Sakura compensates for all the mental health that Madara does not have lmao. No, but seriously.

Before his intensity, she is calm. In the face of his anger, she is the peace. In front of his tyranny, she is patient. They say that the opposites attract each other, don’t they? The best example is this couple.

Madara is a broken man, but Sakura helps him to recompose his soul piece by piece, to learn to love again, to see life with hope one more time.

He doesn’t trust anyone but her, so it’s not uncommon that their activities as a couple are all indoors.

Reading together in front of the fireplace with some tea, team cooking, cleaning the house together, training in the garden.

Because he was always very cultured, it is not strange to see him write down his knowledge on scrolls, which she then reviews and expresses her opinion on the subject in a lively debate.

Very occasionally, Madara accompanies Sakura to her work. Feeling rejected by the eyes of others about his person, he locks himself in her office until she ends the day, like a frightened cat in the presence of humans.

IzuSaku [SFW]

I have a very crazy idea of how this couple could have been formed, pay attention. After the final fight with Madara, Hashirama is aware that he is alive. At the same time, Tobirama finishes creating Edo Tensei. Both brothers decide that the only one who can make Madara see reason is Izuna, therefore, they revive him, and without manipulating him, they allow him a complete resurrection (breaking the Jutsu, as well as Madara in the war). They ask him to bring his brother to his senses and Izuna seeks him out to show him that he has come back to life. When he finds him (let us suppose that Madara developed the Rinnegan ahead of time and not just before he died) he believes that he is being deceived, and without being able to handle his new power yet, he sends his younger brother into the future = IzuSaku.

The Uchiha is upset, really upset. The one who killed him has just brought him to life, his brother is suffering and now he is in who knows where. But his bad predisposition changes when a pink-haired young woman appears in his sight.

What a curious, adorable, beautiful, and well-intentioned person. Sakura, her name suits him. Such beautiful eyes.

She is frightened by the symbol on his back, and it helps him to determine his situation. Time travel, change of periods. What a lovely woman, definitely her clan did not exist in the original time of Izuna, otherwise, he would remember such gorgeous features.

She decides to help him, and hiding him in her house is when their bond becomes closer.

Sakura had only interacted with one Uchiha in her life, and suddenly she cannot believe how affective the one that is now with her is. Love 24/7, the intensity of this clan is real.

Surprise hugs from behind, tender kisses on the neck at any moment, caresses on the face, arms, thighs.

Something that Sakura enjoys a lot is to comb Izuna’s hair after he gets out of the shower, usually, he falls asleep lying on her after a long time.

After a difficult day, he welcomes her at home with a good massage session, having become an expert in reading her body expressions to detect her mood.

Izuna lends himself as a test subject in Sakura’s work, he finds it very amusing. He loves to receive as much of her attention as possible.

When the kunoichi is working on a new poison, the Uchiha loves to sit near her workplace and observe her movements, her concentration, the effectiveness of her creation.

If Sakura has a very tough time today, Izuna refrains to make some tea for her and to support her with his company.

She loves the face he makes when she brings him sweets, after leaving work. His appetite for sugar… he’s like a child.

MadaSaku [NS-FW]

Fire in the room.

The fact that Madara no longer has a chakra does not mean that he has lost his unequaled strength.

Oh, but wait… Sakura has hers too.

The constant struggle for who dominates who, which brings a very funny dynamic when it comes to intimacy.

Sakura enjoys deeply when Madara holds her strongly against any surface, demonstrating his desire and need to be the one who leads.

The situation eventually turns around when she is too hot to his touch, and subdues him to her strength, forcing him to stay under her control.

This arouses Madara even more, who appreciates having a woman by his side who knows what she wants and fights for it.

Their sexual dynamics are overwhelming and devastates everything. Several tables had to be replaced after Sakura’s back hit them.

Madara had to fix different holes that he made in various walls with his fists while he held Sakura’s hips on his shoulders and devoured her pussy without mercy. The tugs in his hair that she supplies him with on each occasion make him lose his mind, and holding her in the air at his mercy pushes him to the limit.

Purple and greenish bruises decorate his thighs when she pays special attention to his limb with her mouth. Every time the Uchiha rushes his hips towards her face trying to get deeper into her throat, the kunoichi squeezes his legs, making he slows down and groans in pain.

Of course her aftercare includes healing the rudeness imparted upon her lover.

IzuSaku [NS-FW]

Thanks to being the object of research for Sakura, she is highly aware of all the visual abilities that Izuna possesses. That Sasuke was her partner does not mean that she knew the true extent of the Sharingan, the same applying to Kakashi.

The room of both soon fills with highly exciting and kinky games, where she is subjected to numerous Genjutsus from him, destined to make her reach her maximum pleasure peak constantly.

Izuna loves to capture Sakura’s glance during different moments of the day, trapping her surprisingly in his world of passion, making her scream until her body trembles in an uncontrollable way.

When he brings her back to reality, he laughs maliciously at the exhausted expression of the kunoichi, and carries her to the bed in his arms, where they both rest.

If Sakura wants to take revenge, she avoids looking him in the eyes and takes advantage of any moment of distraction to use the clear benefit that her strength gives her.

Sitting on his lap on the sofa, getting into the shower with him and pinning him against a wall, straddling him when they are in bed.

Izuna cannot fight her Taijutsu, and because the kunoichi learned to avoid his glance, he has no way of escaping the torture.

All that remains is to submit to the fiery touches with which Sakura enjoys teasing him, feeling his cock squirm at every touch.

Anyway, both also love soft, delicate, and romantic sex. They alternate their encounters between uncontrolled, passionate situations, adding sweetness and delicacy.

Feeling Izuna’s light kisses travel all over her body is something that drives her crazy, and while he pays special attention to her nipples, leaving slight marks, she massages her clit at a slow pace.

Before the sassy image of Sakura touching herself under him, the Uchiha cannot avoid imitating her, and moves his hand slowly over his member while he continues paying special attention to his lover.

When their bodies finally unite, the heat is too much, and it does not take them long to finish both at the same time. Their nights are eternal when they take their time praising each other in this peaceful way.

[blankd]

Thoughts on The Mitchells vs the Machines

I watched it a while ago and kept forgetting to post my thoughts on it, but some posts here on tumblr recently reminded me.

I disagree with the majority takeaways I see but is that not the spice of life?

As a standalone movie its inoffensive and the writing of it will likely exit my brain in a few months.  However I can appreciate that the visual style was different from the typical fare and the mixture of 2d elements for visual embellishments were mostly enjoyable and well-suited for Katie as the POV character.

It's a bit "hyper" for my liking, but that's fine, it's likely intended for an audience that's accustomed to the flood that is the current norm of the internet.  It was probably made with GIFable moments in mind and that is the most frequent content that is shared about it, so it certainly succeeded in that regard.

My more critical take is that jokes are delivered at the expense of what could be more authentic themes.  Quips are made that draw attention to character flaws or undercut questions the movie should try to answer, but inevitably they are ignored to move onto the next joke or story beat.

The rest would fall more into spoiler territory, so read more for that.

--"They Were Both In the Wrong"

I personally disagree heavily with the thrust of how "both sides" were wrong when the degrees are disproportionate.

I've seen claims that Katie was "as in the wrong" as her father, but she's incredibly patient to the man who does her material harm.

I've yet to have seen someone say specifically what Katie did *wrong* to her father that is at all on par with the *years* he at best hasn't been able to interact with her or worse, actively refused to engage with her interests.

I would generously venture that her flaw was that she was more willing to communicate her feelings to strangers, but she easily talks to her mother and brother- her brother even helps her with her movies and she happily engages him with his own interests, which pivots the point back to how her father is physically/emotionally unavailable and led to the erosion and distance between the two of them.

Due to this, MvM comes across more as Kaite having to do so much more to guide her father rather than a more mutual learning experience for the both of them.

--"Technology that [Dis]Connects"

It's probably beyond the scope and intent of the film, but I was surprised there was no examination about why technology can be more alluring than interacting with physically present people.

For better or worse, the internet can be used as a means of supplementing the validation and acceptance of family.  It can also lead to no longer connecting to people around them because of the validation high of appealing to a constantly 'awake' sea of strangers- the spotlight is warmer than the cold reality that they are not the internet image they have cultivated.

For example, the rival 'perfect' family was never revealed to be a carefully constructed highlight reel that Mrs. Mitchell envies, they really were actually that perfect- because that provides an easier punchline than an examination or acknowledgement of how the internet can create unhealthy expectations.

I also can't expect MvM to acknowledge the reality that LGBTA+ people who are rejected by their family resort to seeking a new one through the internet because it would be much harder to redeem/rehabilitate a man defined by being tethered to "old values" if he was homophobic instead of "overprotective" and apprehensive at his daughter's departure from home and her dubious art career.

But hey we got that quick line at the end that Katie likes a girl, so that's a diversity win or something.

(To be clear I'm not expecting a whole parade or even an A or B-plot dedicated to it, but I think it should be acknowledged that this kind of "surprise inclusion" is very easily erased with a change of audio and would be completely unsurprised if this were the case for countries that are homophobic.  People can be happy about it, but it is dishonest to pretend that this is a bolder statement than it is.)

In that sense, I do and don't hold MvM to taking a "safer" route about how family always has your back, but this still feels like an important omission considering the focus on technology and its dynamic with the Mitchells.

I will also say that it was also bizarre, to me at least, that the obvious route that her father sees the value of home videos didn't become an active point between him and Katie.  Or that Mr. Mitchell's carpentry never really amounts to anything despite having a sentimental wooden moose.

Lastly, I think it's an unintentional, but it's interesting that Katie going to college to pursue her passion is viewed as a Terrible Thing by her father even though if he had his way, he'd be ostensibly living in the woods away from everyone else except his wife.

This isn't a problem, people are a collection of contradictions, but It's fascinating to see what the *narrative* treats as a difficult sacrifice while simultaneously pulling at heartstrings when PAL cites how children ignore their mothers.  There's an unexamined comedy that Mr. Mitchell's losing out on his 'passion' to live in the woods away from people is treated as tragic despite the movie's insistence on staying connected with your blood family.

--"The Inconsistent Personhood of AI"

PAL is rightfully angry at being discarded for something new; it's provided as a glimpse of what Katie will do when she finds 'her people' at college.

This in of itself is a good hook, because there is no one universal answer to when a flawed relationship should be mended with compromise or if it's better off being broken for the wellbeing of the ones involved.  Family and relationships are not programming, it's a choice and a gamble for whatever it brings but is nonetheless something that must be mutually worked upon.

Initially I thought that PAL was being set up as an exaggerated parallel to Mr. Mitchell.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell did their best to provide for their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell are in different stages of being 'discarded' by their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell both retaliate at their lack of power in the scenario by using the power granted by their roles to infringe on the autonomy of others for selfish reasons.

PAL even gives a 'chance' for her plan to be halted with, I had assumed this was being set up as the thesis of the movie, about humanity and the value of family, relationships, etc. being used to help someone who is already hurting.

But despite Katie looking at the camera and explaining herself, it is never actually directly resolved or challenged because a punchline was deemed more desirable for this narrative climax.

This begs the question of why PAL bothered with the pretense that she could be reasoned with, especially since this is not some question leveled at all of humanity, just two people.

I'm curious how the writers came to the conclusion that this was the best execution of the scene or if Katie's speech was considered immune to any challenge from PAL.  Would anyone have accepted this outcome if PAL were not an AI but instead a person?

It's not necessarily bad writing they went this route, but I doubt anyone would consider this good writing either.

By the end of the movie, PAL is no longer a 'person' who was betrayed and is lashing out, she is an object to be destroyed because the movie has to wrap up.  No compassion or chances are spared to this AI that did literally everything asked of her except take being discarded quietly.

Did PAL deserve a redemption arc? For this length of movie, probably not.  But it could have concluded with a commitment to doing no further harm.  Instead it is an accidental glimpse at how easily the pretense of compassion can be quickly discarded and mostly unexamined with the right framing.

A likely unintentional example is the conditional humanity given to Eric and Deborahbot who are adopted as "family" while the rest of the robots are mowed down without another thought.  Some are even beaten and broken while begging for mercy, because again, it is a funnier punchline.

Far be it for me to advocate that the murderbots needed 'a second chance uvu' but for a movie whose conceit rests on 'sticking by family' and 'giving chances', the writers certainly made a choice in deciding which AI get honorary humanity and spared violent death- perhaps PAL had a point about humanity's callousness after all.  Bad robots are discarded, good robots get to live.

Even the CEO who realizes he enabled this mess (easily the most unrealistic part of the movie, honestly) is given another chance and he manages to take away a completely wrong lesson.

Speaking of-

--"Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Used Tech Like This"

There's a particular image/gif set posted about MvM with the CEO apologizing for the machine uprising, attributing it to unchecked technology and monopolies.  I've always seen it accompanied by people congratulating the scene as if any of this is at all relevant to the movie.

Charitably, these are people who haven't watched the movie and don't know that PAL is a phone AI single-handedly doing this, but most take the stance that this scene is proof the movie is not saying technology is bad, only corporations are.

The speech isn't technically wrong but it is so utterly divorced from what happens in the movie that it's surreal to see people congratulate it as anything but a moment of soapboxing.

None of the datagrabbing was used at all as part of the takeover.  It's all magical kid-friendly terminators with no relevance to what anyone's browsing history is.  If the company was one that produced robot assistants instead of a being a super tech monopoly, there would be no narrative difference.

The closest to a predatory tactic that is used in MvM is the offer of free wifi which is used to lure most people into their cells which they happily comply with. Curiously this... commentary of people’s mindless addiction to technology is not acknowledged by the Tumblr Court with the same intensity as the CEO’s speech.

But more constructively, I do feel it’s a missed opportunity that Katie who's supposed to be an extremely online person apparently never said any bad things about her family or made any petty vent films for PAL to weaponize.  Instead an in-media audio at one of the outskirt locations was used to accomplish its Traitor Revealed moment.

IN CONCLUSION

MvM is a movie that involves topics that ought to be touched on and explored properly in media and chickens out on all of it due to possible concerns with age-appropriate handling or because it was more committed to its comedy than whatever it has to say about family, change and how technology affects people.

It also reminded me that I hope media will finally graduate from the trope that if you spec into any ‘outdoorsy’ hobby you are incurably afraid of technology.

[fallenrepublick]

Rereading your work and I got a thought: how maul and savage (and also thrawn) react to them hurting you is just for a minor injury. But what if the hurt had been much bigger, like breaking a bone or knocking you out? How would they react (or should I say how badly would they panic) then?

I like the way you think, friend

Maul

There has never, in the history of the galaxy, been such sheer panic.

The fear that takes over is unlike anything he’d ever experienced, anything he’d ever have thought it possible for him to experience.

And when the shock clears from his frozen mind, when the realization hits him that you hadn’t stood up yet, oh gods, he’s already praying.

He drops everything, his feet feeling heavy beneath him as he runs to your side, wanting to hold you and process what to do, but the fear that he may hurt you further makes him hesitate.

What if something worse happens? What if he put you in more pain than you were already in?

But you need him, you need him to be there, and he knows that. So gingerly, he lifts your head onto his lap, holding your face, calling your name as he tries to hold himself together to the best of his ability.

He feels around, checking your pulse, watching you breathe.

And though an onlooker would never know it, he’s cursing beneath his breath, asking himself, “How could I do this? How could I hurt you like this? What have I done, what have I done, what have I done?”

But this is no time for self-hatred, so he carries you to the medbay as fast as he can without jostling you. And as per usual, there are people standing by to ensure that you’ll be alright.

He refuses to leave your side until you come to.

And when you finally do, he’s there, still awake, waiting for you, and it seems like he’s on the brink of snapping.

He apologises over and over again, promising he never meant to do such a thing, that it was an accident and he would rather die a thousand times than harm you.

You try to tell him that you know, that you aren’t upset over it and you’ll be fine in no time.

But he isn’t the type to give up so easily, and over the course of the next few days, you find yourself drowning in gifts trying to make up for it. However, you’re still concerned.

He’s there, and he’s there constantly. But he isn’t... there. His mind always seems to be somewhere else, and he looks as if he’s afraid to touch you again, even in the smallest ways. Opportunities that he used to take to hold your hand or brush at your cheek, he begins letting pass by.

You initially chalk it up to him trying to let you heal, but it continues even after you’re released So you resolve to bring it up to him.

He refuses to admit it at first, his pride standing once more in the way of the truth, but you insist he not lie to you.

“This hurts me more than that wound ever could,” you say to him. And it works, his eyes widening in concern, the best course of action (finally) dawning on him.

Yes, he had been avoiding you in a way. “I lost control over my own strength,” he says, regret rising to the surface. “I couldn’t bear it if I did so again.”

So you hold tight to him, unafraid of consequences that don’t exist, and you let him know, you make him know, that it was never his fault. Because you wouldn’t be here still if it was.

Savage

He doesn’t even realize what happened at first.

Oftentimes when he spars with you, you need frequent pauses, because he’s just that strong.

But today when you were training, you stopped longer, holding your upper arm tightly at your side, flinching every time you tried moving again.

Upon noticing this, he hesitantly walks closer to you, only to find the section of your arm that you’re tentatively prodding to be growing ever-closer to a deeper, darker, more unnatural shade of your skin than it should be.

Not only that, but the area already swells up, the area much larger than the same spot on your other arm, a trait not often found in small bruises.

He isn’t sure what exactly to do in the moment, and he has a difficult time keeping himself from touching it, as if he could somehow fix the wound by poking at it.

But he does eventually walk you to the medbay, profusely apologizing with every step he takes, holding your shoulder in an attempt to stabilize your movements and not harm your bones anymore than they already are.

He can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when he finds out it’s only a small fracture, but the realization that sparring with you may be too dangerous weighs on him like a block of iron.

The thing is that he enjoys practising with you. Having the opportunity to help with your combat skills and spending all that time with you was something he didn’t know he cared so much about until this moment.

Still, he prioritizes your safety over these things, and as much as it saddens him to give that up, he convinces himself that it’s the best option.

So when you’ve assured him that the pain has subsided and you’ll be healed in only a few weeks, he finally tells you what he’s decided.

Needless to say, you aren’t too happy.

You argue, insisting that whatever led him to the idea that you weren’t safe was absolutely ridiculous. People get hurt during practise all the time. It’s simply a lesson in what not to do next time.

He hates arguing with you, even if he thinks it’s for the best. But in reality, he let’s you make most decisions, and even for this instance, he won’t contest you if you refuse to sit out on training from here on. You simply won’t have it.

And of course, it takes him some time to accept that. When you feel completely better and return to the training grounds, you notice him going even lighter on you than usual.

So in protest, you try to fight him harder, increasing your intensity with every blow you make.

And you’re back to normal in no time.

Thrawn

He is no stranger to bad wounds.

So when he sees you doubled over after a kick that landed on your chest harder than it was meant to, he identifies what that means almost immediately.

He calls for medics. Now.

And he stays beside you, holding your back and one of your shoulders to keep you upright. He tries to keep his composure one of support and care, but he finds it more than difficult to hide his disdain that help hadn’t arrived within a few seconds.

He’s reassuring you softly, making sure you don’t move too much, telling you that it’ll be alright and not to worry.

And he continues doing so, even after the medics begin checking you, through discreet scowls at the inefficiency of their arrival and mumbling about the expectation during emergencies.

When you’re in the medbay, half groaning from the soreness of your chest, he holds your hand in between his, admitting that he was careless, that he was making baseless assumptions about your reactions. Of course you would move to protect your head first and foremost. Why hadn’t he seen that?

And he’s unsurprisingly calm, as always, but that doesn’t mean he was relaxed. In fact, quite the opposite. Beneath the cool, rational reactions and the critical exterior lay an unceasing worry that you had learned to find and identify.

It isn’t much, but you squeeze his hand just a little tighter in response, and for a split second, you think you see that fear present itself in his expression.

When you both learn that he had fractured two of your ribs, you think you see the expression again, and this time, he’s the one that tightens the grip on your hand.

No one’s allowed to bother you, to try and pawn off work to you that they don’t feel like doing. Without your express permission, no one’s even allowed into the medbay. Thrawn’s had it, and he’s made it clear.

He blows off a good bit of work to see you for days at a time, only bringing with him things that are extremely high priority. Other than that, though, he pays the ultimate amount of attention to you.

And once you’ve healed, that doesn’t really change. Not for a while, at least.

He doesn’t mention training again, unless you bring it up, and even then he’s hesitant to discuss it. He doesn’t like leaving you alone simply so that he can train, but he also still feels as if you’re too delicate to combat for now.

He eventually does allow it again, but only after months of denying it, if only to make absolutely certain that you won’t fall apart upon contact.

[bored-storyteller]

how would Jack, Azul, and Idia react to an S/O who kisses them randomly throughout the day in random places like head, cheek, hands, etc. also i love ur blog 🙇‍♀️💕

Here it is, I am not sure what structure I gave to this, but anyway, three kisses to each one! So they don't fight. And there is Idia. My favorite is Leona, but I swear I'm loving writing for Idia.

22- Twisted Wonderland - Azul, Jack, Idia x s/o

Azul Ashengrotto

1- The first kiss is in the morning. Before the lessons begin, when the corridors are a forest populated by students, Azul feels himself being taken by the hand for a moment, as if someone wanted to attract his attention.

He is not surprised to see the eyes of s/o looking at him, but when he is about to ask what they want, they simply raise his hand, and bringing it to their lips they gently kiss his fingers.

That sudden gesture paints Azul's face red, but before the confusion leaves him to clarify the situation, the bell at the beginning of the lessons makes them run away.

2- Classes that morning are difficult for Azul. It is difficult for him to concentrate, because the thought of the sweet, unexpected feeling of that morning is always present. Also, the amused smiles of the Leech twins at lunch certainly don't help him relax.

He waited for lunch for a long time, to be able to see his s/o and to be able to clarify with them, but he did not see them at all. Neither in the cafeteria, nor in the garden, nor in the Mostro Lounge.

Sitting on a bench, he seems to have given up on having to wait, until a new, strange sensation makes his eyes widen.

A slight pressure, warm and sweet, rests just behind his ear. A kiss.

When he turns his head confused, he meets the sweet smile of s/o.

"W-What ...?!"

Again, a bell interrupts the moment, leaving him alone, with his desperate face hidden in his hands.

3- The third kiss comes in the evening, when Azul is alone in the Monster Lounge. S/o enter with a genuine smile, after a whole day of study away from him, and with a light greeting he approaches the boy, kissing his cheek with love.

At that point, in the solitude of the place, despite the red face Azul dares to speak.

"I never asked for this. All this affection."

They simply smile, chuckling, while their arms surround his waist.

"I know, it's that I like you very much."

And there at that spontaneous demonstration of love, Azul cannot help but sigh, holding his precious s/o close to him, while they kiss his neck affectionately.

Jack Howl

1- The first kiss is on his shoulder.

Jack and s/o are quietly doing a research in the library, they absolutely must finish it by the weekend.

He is leafing through a book he has just taken off the shelf, when s/o's sweet lips rest casually on his strong shoulder.

Jack, being the boy he is, he can't help but panic. His hard face turns completely red, contrasting with his silvery hair.

"What- What are you doing ?!"

But s/o's attention seems to have already returned (apparently) to the book they hold, and when they look up at him at his exclamation, their gaze is questioning.

Oh shit, did it really happen or did he just imagine it? With a little embarrassment and disappointment, Jack returns to what he was doing.

"Nevermind ..."

He mumbles with a deep sigh.

2- The second time he is sure he hasn't imagined it.

He did not imagine the lips of his s/o on his cheek. They are sudden and elusive, but today they lean on him without him being able to foresee them, as if he were a prey.

Again with his hot face he turns quickly to s/o, as if he wants to eat them, too embarrassed as he is.

He is about to speak, but his breath hangs in his throat to see their back turned towards him, in the distance, while they search in the library shelves humming carefree.

Now, with a slight pout, from time to time he glances at s/o. Even if he would never admit it, he loves cuddles.

3- In the late afternoon, the brain of a poor student who is busy with research from lunchtime can't take it anymore.

With a sigh Jack closes the book, and stretching his tired muscles he turns to s/o sitting next to him.

"We could go eat something ..."

He mumbles, looking at them out of the corner of his eye. S/o smile, happily nodding to the proposal.

Closing the book with a snap they get up, and with a natural gesture they bend down to kiss Jack's head, right between his soft ears.

Okay, now he has seen it. Slowly his golden eyes rise to go and look at their smiling face. The amber skin of her cheeks once again brightens, but she is trying to control herself as much as possible.

"What was this for?"

He asks, earning a sweet little laugh from s/o.

"Oh well, I want to protect you."

Oh ok. No, he certainly cannot control himself now. He could swear he had a fire inside.

He jumps out of his chair, growling to hide all his embarrassment.

"I don't need protection!"

S/o laugh happily. He is so cute when he blushes like this.

"I know, but it doesn't matter. As you protect me every day, I also want to protect you."

Well, he's sure he's burning now.

He runs a hand over his desperate face. How can he resist such sweetness? Jack is a nice guy, and very strong. Of course he will protect such a good creature in that cruel world.

S/o laughs, while Jack's face hides in their shoulder to hide himself, but also to smell their perfume.

Idia Shroud

1- Idia tries to move as little as possible. The less it sets foot in society the better it is, without a doubt. He is grateful to be able to have his dearest creature next to him in the moments available without necessarily having to meet her outside his dorm.

Yet there are cases in which he is forced to set foot in society, for example at a particularly important lesson. And in addition to having to be face to face with people, he is also forced to see everything with which s/o are constantly in contact even in his absence. It is easier for him to trust them when he does not see how much they love that world.

S/o know it and they see the sad expression that is painted on Idia's delicate face, yet they don't feel sad.

Gleefully they approach him and without saying a word grasp his sweatshirt slowly, to make him bend slightly.

"See you at lunch."

They murmur, kissing the tip of Idia's nose.

Oh goodness, what are they going to do to this poor boy? He is not used to this in public, at all. It must be red like a strawberry. But at least the melancholy has been driven away by its terrible embarrassment.

2- The second kiss is probably even more embarrassing for him.

Idia is waiting s/o in the most isolated and shady corner of the garden. Sitting on the ground with only Lucius dozing near his ankles, he sincerely hopes that they will arrive as soon as possible with lunch, partly because he feels safer to have them around, partly because he is really hungry.

When he finally sees them arriving in the distance with the two paper bags he cannot hide a shy smile.

"Sorry if I'm late!"

They reach him, their red faces for running.

They sit next to him and immediately hand him the lunch packet, but as soon as the smell of food reaches Idia's nostrils, his stomach growls greedily requesting to be filled.

"S-s-sorry…!"

This is the first thing Idia can say, while he looks in shame at the surprised face of s/o.

But if at that moment Idia would like to disappear into the bowels of the earth, the gesture of s/o petrifies him. With a light and amused laugh they bend over his lap, and playfully they leave him a kiss on his suffering stomach.

The breath disappears from Idia's throat. Now he no longer feels an empty stomach, but full of fluttering butterflies. He does not know what a strange day it is today, but he is sure that he will die before the end of it.

3- Idia never has the courage to speak too much, not even in front of the sweet attitude of s/o. But in the evening, when they take him back to his room, he finds their lips resting on his chest, before goodnight.

"What is all this for, s/o?"

The question comes out of him spontaneous, probably because of the complicity of tiredness.

Only when their gaze questions him does Idia regain his social incapacity.

"l-I didn't mean to say ... that is, I don't mind ... but .. here ..."

They smile, shaking their heads cheerfully.

"I'm just glad you're here with me."

They simply answer to him.

Idia says nothing, just stares at them. Then, with a mechanical gesture, he grabs their wrist, to pull them against him. His red face now hidden in their hair.

"... ok."

[twelvedy7]

Twisted - One shot

warning: sensitive topics (drugs). 

I just wanted to write something a bit different. It might be a bit OCC but I thought it might be a great fit for the manga universe.   This story won’t be published anywhere else than tumblr so feel free to save the story if you like it.

Oh and also english isn’t really my native language so sorry if there are incoherences. 

Takano had no sense of self-control. From a very young age he has been a witness of the sheer harshness of his mother and the complete indifference of his father towards their family. Despite how much he tried to convince himself of his difference he inherited from most of their flaws, which filled him with anger every time he thought about it. 

No wonder that whenever he met someone bright, kind, generous and appreciated he became more aware of his whole dark gloomy personality. That was the case with Ritsu he was still viewing today as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago.

No wonder that when he met this bright, kind and generous highschool kid he had become more aware of his dark gloomy personality. He was still viewing Ritsu as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago and yet he couldn’t understand for the life of him the reason why such a lovable person would waste their time with him rather than finding another likeable person that would be such a better companion than him.

If all the open rejections from the brunette could make him believe he hated him, he was at least smart enough to read between the lines and see what the other tried so hard to conceal under feigned anger and flustered reactions. 

What seemed to be like a bitter-sweet genuine love story from two ignorant teenagers who lost each other from a foolish misunderstanding was driving him straight into madness. Ritsu was constantly on his mind, invading his thoughts at any time of the day, reminding him of the terrible person he was and how he will never be nowhere near enough for him. Even in the poorly credible reality where the younger one would actually build up the courage to admit his feelings, he knew that their relationship was sealed to failure. 

One day Ritsu would mature and realise how incompatible they were and how idealistic they’ve been this whole time before leaving him to find another person that could offer him the support and love he needed. Maybe one day Ritsu would find the man of his dreams, different from senpai in every way, to finally live the blissful life he aspired to. That’s what broke his heart the most: they were not made for each other. No matter how hard he tried, it will never be enough because they were simply not meant to. 

He imagined Ritsu’s soulmate to be fun, social, caring, communicative and considerate which would make him forget all the turmoil he went through for all this time. His parents might be so enchanted by their personality that the fact they weren’t An-Chan wouldn’t even bother them.

The truth is he was physically and emotionally drained. He couldn’t feel a thing if it wasn’t his love for Ritsu and sometimes he felt as if that was his last tie with sanity. There were times where he would shut down his emotions. When it became too difficult to confront their inevitable fate, he would put himself in a semi-automatic mode working up to 15 hours straight without paying attention to anything or anyone, only accomplishing what he ought to.

Over time, he came to accept that he wasn’t able to love anyone without causing them a great deal of pain and suffering. That’s why he decided to distance himself from the few people who actually cared about him in his life and managed to bring him some split meaningful moments of happiness. It was like a lightning bolt shaking him from side to side, making him surrender to the hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with Ritsu and recovering from his long-lost friendship with Yokozawa. He hurt them both and didn’t deserve to be part of their lives. 

His phone vibrated. He broke off his thoughts to center his attention on the alias displaying on the screen: “Taisho” along with a message “I’m here.”

He stood up from the floor, came up to the entrance of his apartment and opened the door. A man of average-height in his mid-thirties was waiting for him. At first glance, he gave the impression of being a regular salary-man coming back home to his family after a long day of hard work. However, he came to discover that the man likely had a long history of debt behind him involving matters such as a costly divorce and low paychecks.

Not bothering to greet him, he pulled out 6,000 yen from his pocket and handed it to the fearful looking man who replaced the notes with a small transparent plastic bag containing a white powder. 

“Same thing next week?” asked the anxious black-haired man, his light blue eyes too faithful to be a dealer squeezing behind his oval glasses. 

“Yeah. See you.” 

Without giving him a second glance, he double-locked the door and came back to his dimly lit living room that felt so lonely without Ritsu here. It would take some time, if not forever, to prevent this heavy load in his heart from manifesting every time he would find himself alone without the prospect of his first love joining him any time soon. 

It still pained him… Nao came unannounced in the office earlier in the morning and asked Ritsu out for something that too likely looked like a date. A walk in the city center, a restaurant, and a nighttime exposure. That bastard. 

The rare times he had managed to take Ritsu out for a date was by forcefully dragging him out of his apartment or bluntly lying by message playing the card of ‘emergency’. He remembered the dull ache he felt in the morning as he realised how easy it was for his “best-friend” to take him out to a full outing while he had to prepare a strategy days ahead just to drink a coffee together. 

Opening the tiny bag in his hands, he chased away his dark thoughts and kneeled in front of his coffee table, pouring half of the powder out on its surface and realigned it in two fine lines with the help of an old credit card. He usually didn’t take such high doses in one shot, but tonight he knew that he needed it. The accumulated pain and overthinking were taking a toll on him. Rolling a paper, he brought it to his right nostril and sniffed the first line, ignoring the burning pain in his cavity before passing it to his left one and repeated the action.

A few seconds later he started feeling the tiny molecules flowing through his blood system, noticing the faster pace of his heart beat and the gradual relaxation of his muscles as the drug invaded his mind.

He closed his eyes. 

As always, the thrill was exquisite. The far away sounds of ambient city noises echoed and at some point the only thing he could decipher in the absolute silence was his own breath. His body was soft and any psychological pain he felt instantly disappeared. It was as if someone had covered him with a warm fluffy blanket while stroking his hair with a gentle grasp, providing him an endless feeling of comfort and security he so desperately needed. 

At that moment, everything stopped and all his troubles went away. Nothing mattered anymore. He was back being a young child pampered by a protective mother he never had with an unconditional sense of love. Pleasurable sensations coursed through his body from head to toes until his spirit went numb and he lost any notion of space and time. 

He reached that moment of nothingness that he wished could last forever.

___ 

“Takano-san!” 

...

“Takano-san!” 

Who was it? 

The voice seemed so far away he wasn’t even sure it was real.

“Masamune!” Why would someone try to break the silent darkness that was surrounding him?

For what seemed like hours, he felt himself trapped in-between the process of gaining and losing consciousness. He didn’t want to be drawn from his deep slumber yet.

He recognized some familiar voices in the background but it was hard to put a name on them as they seemed to continuously echo. 

It took him several more minutes to realise that people were present and it shook him. He became hyper aware of his environment.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a bunch of white blouses around him scampering around the room at a feverish speed. 

His mind whirled. The world seemed to be going so fast but his brain was so slow. 

His golden eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. In an instant he was blinded by the artificial light of the leds on the ceiling. 

In the chaos of all the fast-paced strangers around him, he felt a delicate hand fondling with the hair on the short back of his neck and let out a soft tired moan escape his lips. 

“Takano-san can you hear me?!” 

He groggily stretched out his limbs while burying his head on the petite body frame behind him and looked up to see who was the kind stranger offering him such soft intentions. 

Above him were two wide teary green eyes displaying a worried expression. Despite his blurry vision, he could recognize the refined and familiar traits of the man he loved. It looked surreal, having the both of them like this sharing such intimacy in a restless atmosphere.

Next to him was standing Yokozawa in his usual professional attire. He could only watch them through half-closed eyes all the while trying to figure out what they were doing in his apartment in the first place.

“He’s stable now. Overdoses happen regularly when cocaine and other powerful stimulants are added to the equation. That’s what producers do nowadays to boost the effects”. Said a firm feminine voice. He could see the lady in white gesturing around to her colleagues and immediately realised what just happened. She was staring at him, probably trying to jauge how awake her patient was. 

“You were lucky Takano-san. This could have been much more serious.” 

He saw his friend sitting next to Ritsu, his usual severe expression ruptured by the deep crease in his eyebrows. 

“How did you find me?” asked the raven, his voice so weak he wasn’t sure the two others heard him. 

The brunette brought his face closer to his ear, petting his forehead as he replied in a shaky shy voice: “Yokozawa-san found you like this…” he heard a sneeze. “The front door was unlocked and your phone was ringing without you answering it. You… You stopped breathing.” 

He felt absolutely miserable. 

Trying to shift his position to have a better view of his comrades, he caught the look of utter disappointment and guilt from his older friend. He probably thought that he was long done with this dark hazardous period of his life. 

“I’m… I’m sorry... I didn’t want to…” 

His battle to stay awake was getting harder and harder. 

“It’s okay Masamune. Just rest for now.”

The nurse took a hold of his wrist and stuck the intravenous line with a patch. 

“We’re going to transfer you to the clinic as you need to take several tests. You’re safe now but your body needs to recover.” 

The hand that was playing with his hair resumed and he let his head fall back on his lap. This combined with the liquid in his body led him to a sleep without dreams.

___

When he woke up again, he found himself buried under the sheets of a hospital bed. It took him some time to become accustomed to the artificial lighting of the room. Gathering enough energy to finally keep his eyes open, he gazed at the clock at his right indicating 4:55AM.

The first thing he felt was an atrocious headache that hit him with a massive chest pain undertaking his whole body. He noticed the numerous wires connected to his skin accompanied with the steady regular bips of a machine.

He heard a light snore on his right. Shifting his head, he immediately saw the small fragile figure crawling up into a ball on the couch. A cheap blanket was covering him from toes to his neck. This sight made him feel so terribly selfish. As seconds went by he started getting back to a normal state of awareness despite a fizzy pang at the back of his skull. 

With as much strength as he could gather he sprawled a hand towards him and rested it on the others’ laps. He stroked his thigh lightly with the help of his thumb and stared at his seemingly exhausted resting face. He felt so worthless. He knew he had hurt him badly in the past already and the only thing he could think of is that this was too much.

“I’m so sorry Ritsu…”. 

After reuniting with his first love following the 10 years they had spent apart from one another he had started to believe in fate. Yet he had been too trustful, using it as a justification for every one of his impatient and inappropriate moves towards the younger one. Everything became painfully obvious. This whole thing they had was destructive and that was mainly his fault. It was time to finally respect the distance that Ritsu wanted and deserved. He could not go back to these college years pretending that nobody cared about him. 

Now Ritsu would need him. 

Still, they were nowhere near close from getting into a relationship. Too many mistakes had been made. It was crucial for both men to work on themselves first as jumping the steps one more time would only bring them unhappiness.

That day Takano swore he would stop pursuing Ritsu. He’s forever been broken and finally accepting to get help was a start towards a less twisted life.

“It’s okay Ritsu.” 

One day they would be okay. They would get the life they both secretly wanted. 

[misscorn]

Day 2

Flowers/Date

Is this sagaritsu week? No its @sihjrweek but here we are 😝 enjoy

***

Ritsu was panicking.

That wasn't new or really any cause for concern considering he panicked often and over a variety of things, but for Onodera Ritsu the world might as well have been ending.

What was causing the 15 year old so much distress?

It was Valentine's day.

And he had FORGOT ABOUT IT.

Usually, Ritsu's head was filled with all sort of embarrassing and lovey dovey fantasies between him and his Senpai. However, he had been so stressed about studying for an upcoming math test this week (Saga Senpai being kind enough to help tutor him after school) that the holiday had completely slipped his mind!

It was only when An-chan followed him into the library after school with a box of chocolates in hand that he remembered the date.

An would've preferred to do this elsewhere, but Richan was a difficult boy to get a hold of! He was always rushing off to the library as soon as class let out.

Ritsu hadn't even noticed An had followed him into the library at first, solely focused on his Senpai who was sitting in his usual spot. Ritsu smiled and waved, about to approach, but was stopped by his name being softly called.

"Richan?" An said quietly, not wanting to disturb the library's atmosphere. She held the box of chocolates nervously. An had already confessed her feelings for her friend in the past and faced rejection, but still she wanted to give Ritsu something this Valentine's day even if it ended in rejection again. She just wanted to make the boy she loved happy. If anyone deserved chocolate on Valentine's day, it was Ritsu, and An wanted to be positive that he would get some! She couldn't be sure that the person he liked would deliver, after all. She didn't want Ritsu to end up disappointed.

Ritsu faced her and smiled, pleasantly surprised. "Hey, An. What's up?" He hadn't quite noticed the chocolates yet, half of his mind still being on Saga Senpai.

An gathered her courage and held out the box of chocolates. "H-Happy Valentine's day, Richan." Her face turned pink as she presented her gift.

...

EH?!

TODAY WAS VALENTINE'S DAY?!

Ritsu began to have his daily internal meltdown, but An took his silence as a bad sign.

"I-I know you already told me you like someone else, b-but please accept them. Y-you don't have to return the gesture on White Day or anything like that, please just enjoy them and I'll be happy!" An said, pushing the box into Ritsu's arms. "Happy Valentine's day, Richan." She said again, quickly leaving before Ritsu could try to refuse and give them back.

Ritsu wasn't entirely concerned with the box of chocolates he was currently holding, though. He was too busy freaking out over the fact that it was Valentine's day and he hadn't gotten anything for Saga Senpai! And on top of that, Saga Senpai had just essentially watched someone else confess to Ritsu!

That was bad, right? They were dating, after all...right? Ritsu thought they might be exclusive, but he really couldn't be sure and he wasn't brave enough to ask. Plus, he felt like it was such a stupid question and he already made himself constantly look like an idiot. Maybe Senpai wouldn't care about Valentine's day or the confession. Maybe he hadn't even paid attention! However, Ritsu quickly discovered that Saga was in fact staring at him when he turned back around.

Ritsu flushed and shuffled over to their table, putting the box of chocolates in his bag as he did so. He sat down, normally having some magazine release or novel to excitedly talk about, but the heart in his throat silenced him.

"Who was she?" Saga asked, sounding and looking indifferent, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Saga hadn't been able to really make out their conversation considering their hushed voices, but he had seen enough to know that he did NOT like her.

"Y-You mean Anchan? S-She's just a friend of mine." Ritsu laughed nervously, hoping Saga didn't ask for more details. Surely if they talked about this for too long he would accidentally blurt out that he and Anchan were 'engaged'. He was already in one mess, he didn't need another!

"A friend..." Saga echoed, glancing toward Ritsu's bag. "Why did you accept her chocolates?"

"Well, I didn't wanna hurt her feelings...she also didn't really give me much of a choice." Ritsu laughed once more, doing his best to pretend like he felt no tension.

"Tch." Saga scoffed, but didn't say anything else, going back to his book. Saga didn't buy that. After all, the upperclassman had had a few girls try to give him chocolate today and it had been easy enough for him to dismiss them considering he had no interest. If Ritsu truly only viewed her as a friend then why couldn't he do the same? Maybe he was being unreasonable. But, he was jealous, so he didn't care.

Ritsu frowned when Saga basically started to ignore him. Was Saga Senpai...mad at him? "Really, Anchan is just a friend." Ritsu insisted, trying to get his Senpai to look at him again.

"It's none of my business." Saga said, not looking up from his book.

"I-I already told her before that I...that I have s-someone else that I l-l-like." Ritsu could feel his cheeks burning. "I like you, Senpai. Not her." Although this was far from Ritsu's first time confessing, he still felt as if his heart was going to explode.

Saga was quiet for a moment before he shut his book. "Let's go to my house."

"Eh? R-r-right now?" Ritsu was surprised by the sudden offer, especially since Saga seemed to be in a bad mood.

"Yeah. Do you not want to?" Saga shifted in his chair and almost looked...nervous? No, surely Ritsu's mind must be playing tricks on him. He was probably just projecting.

"No! I mean, yes-I-" Ritsu took a breath. "I would like to go to your house."

Saga stood and picked up his bag, expecting Ritsu to follow as he started to leave. Ritsu did so, scrambling to stand and flinging his own bag over his shoulder, exiting the library with him. Saga couldn't be that upset if he had invited him over, right?

The walk was quiet, which was normal, but Ritsu was overthinking even more than usual. Was Saga disappointed that Ritsu hadn't gotten him anything for Valentine's day? Did he doubt Ritsu's claims about Anchan only being a friend? Did he want to break up and was bringing Ritsu to his house just to spare him the public humiliation? Ritsu was far too wrapped up in his own head to notice that Saga was almost just as nervous as he was.

Although his face never portrayed his emotions, his shoulders were tenser than they'd normally be. Saga usually walked with confidence, always sure that Ritsu was following, but now he glanced back every so often to check that he was still there.

'Of course he's still there.' A voice would scoff at his worries each time, but he couldn't dismiss these new and ugly insecurities. For now he'd simply do his best to ignore them. He was a man on a mission, after all, and he couldn't let them derail him.

"Tadaima." Saga said as Sorata came up to greet the two boys. He leaned down to scratch under his chin before turning back to Ritsu. "Sit on the couch for a second. I'll be right back."

Well, that didn't help Ritsu's nerves at all! They never hung out in the living room, they always went upstairs! Still, he nodded despite becoming a pit of despair. He sat down and waited anxiously as Saga disappeared deeper into the house where Ritsu assumed the kitchen was, Sorata following the older teen to ask for more attention.

'He's going to break up with me. He's going to break up with me and then ask me to leave, that's why we didn't go upstairs. But would it really even be a break up? We're only kind of dating. But obviously it wasn't okay that someone else gave me chocolate, so does that mean Saga considers us a couple? Well, if he did, he probably doesn't anymore and he's going to break up with-!'

"Happy Valentine's day."

Ritsu was brought out of his spiraling thoughts by his Senpai's voice, looking up at him from the couch. Saga was holding out a rose and a container of chocolates for Ritsu.

Ritsu sat there frozen, making Saga shift from one foot to the other. "I didn't bring it to school because I didn't know how'd you feel about a public display of affection. I thought maybe we could go on a date tonight. See a movie or go to dinner or something." Saga started to mumble at the end of his sentence, feeling like a moron. The faintest blush crept up on to his cheeks. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He had already been nervous about giving Ritsu his present and seeing that girl give Ritsu chocolate definitely hadn't helped. It also wasn't helping that Ritsu wasn't saying anything!

Ritsu was too shell shocked to realize his Senpai was becoming distressed. Saga Senpai was giving him gifts on Valentine's day? And wanted to go on a date? Oh God, Ritsu was about to cry. No, no, no, he couldn't cry, that would be the final nail in his coffin if he started crying. Trying to keep his hands from shaking, he accepted the chocolates and rose.

"Sorry, I didn't really know where to get a nice box..." Saga mumbled, referencing the chocolates in tupperware.

Saga Senpai had given Ritsu homemade chocolates for Valentine's day.

Ritsu was dead.

That was the only explanation! Either he was dead and in heaven or he was asleep and dreaming, but subtly pinching himself had no effect, so the only conclusion was he was dead.

"I hope you like them." Saga said, sitting down next to him, nervous about the fact that Ritsu STILL hadn't said anything.

Ritsu's heart was growing fuller and fuller with every passing second...oh no...this feeling...it was overflowing again.

"I love you, Senpai!" He blurted out, unable to contain himself as he carefully set his gifts aside. He then hugged Saga, tearing up.

Saga was flooded with relief. Maybe he'd try his hand at more romantic things if it meant Ritsu would initiate touch. Saga returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Ritsu tightly. "You owe me on White Day." He teased. 'He'd better not give that girl anything for White Day...' He thought to himself, but his thoughts weren't able to travel down that road for long, Ritsu's enthusiastic nodding gaining his attention.

"Of course!" Ritsu smiled brightly, still a little teary-eyed as he pulled away, but Saga didn't let him get too far. "I'll start planning something now." He said with a determined expression that Saga secretly adored. Ritsu would make White Day the best, most romantic, most fun day ever for his Senpai!

'Damn it. He's too cute.' Saga thought, biting back a smirk. "I'll be looking forward to it."

[fandom-blackhole]

Hayloft- Ezra x Reader P.6 Final

AN: Well here we are guys.... I really want to thank everyone who has given this story a chance. I know I'm not a the best writer but it really is one of my passions and with all of the support I've gotten for Hayloft especially, I am hoping to continue writing and maybe even complete my childhood dream of being a published author (though that will be way in the future)! If you enjoyed this, you should go show some love to my sister, @space-nerd2005​​, because without her this story either wouldn’t have been even written/published or would have only been a one-shot! For now I just want everyone to know that I'm really happy that you're all here and you've supported me! 💕💕💕 (Also Happy Valentines Day!)

Masterlist

Words: 3.8k!

Warnings: sex mentioned but not really described, the father talks again so berating and abusive language, fighting, running bc that needs a warning

Sneaking back into the house after that first night in the barn was difficult. Neither Ezra nor I wanted to separate, and we had stalled until it had almost been too late. But, in the end, we didn’t get caught again. Our nighttime visits resumed again after that night, though now I was sneaking out to see him almost every night, not able to stand being away from him any longer. Gone also were the nights of being apart from each other in any way. While not every night was filled with passionate touches and pleasure, each night was spent holding each other and trying to soothe the aches of being apart all day. 

Sleep soon became the least of my priorities and it showed during the day. I was constantly tired and it made the days seem to drag on. Nights on the other hand always seemed to pass too quickly as I tried in vain to grasp and hold onto the stolen moments that Ezra and I were able to share. I noticed that Ezra was also being affected by the lack of sleep, when I worked with them in the field I noticed him yawning in the middle of sentences, but when I would bring it up at night when we were alone he would always look scared and pull me closer saying he was fine and then ask me not to leave. 

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Shortly after the nightly visits to the barn started, and about a month away from when Ezra’s ship would arrive to take him away, as I climbed my way into the hayloft and faced Ezra, I was met with a sight I hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. Ezra was sitting against the far wall of the loft with the lantern on, his shirt off, and my Edgar Allan Poe book held in his hand. I had not thought of my books until that moment, my mind too distracted with other thoughts to think to wonder where they had disappeared to after the confrontation that had happened in that small spare bedroom. 

Walking over to Ezra now though, I could see that he had all of them, except for the one he was holding, tucked away into his small bag, keeping them safe. Looking up at what I assume to be the sound of my footsteps, Ezra smiled and motioned for me to sit down next to him, and once I had settled, with my head on his shoulder, I spoke softly. “I feel somewhat ashamed. I had not even realized that my books were missing until just a few seconds ago when I saw you with Poe.”

Turning and pressing a kiss to my forehead Ezra answered just as softly, “No need to be ashamed, my delicate and beautiful flower. Your mind has been preoccupied with things that have taken you far from worrying about our shared writing friends. Not to worry though, I have kept them safe and away from anything that could harm their precious pages. I believe that when your brother was gathering my things to bring out here to me he saw the books and assumed they were mine. I didn’t say anything, and selfishly kept them, when I should have returned them to you, but those lonely nights without you were hard on my old soul and these books that held a small portion of you brought me solace. Especially, our dear friend Poe who brought us together. Whenever I missed you most I would find my aching fingers turning to the poem I recited for you that first day and I would read it over and over until I fell into my fitful and aching slumber.”

Looking at the book now, I noticed that he was once again staring at the page that held the poem. It was obvious that this page had been visited more often than naught, as the page showed signs of wear and a few crinkles where the page most likely creased when he fell asleep with it in his hand. Lifting my head to look at Ezra, and already finding him watching me with what I hoped to be love in his eyes, I gave him a smile and bit my lip before opening my mouth and reciting the poem back to him.

“In visions of the dark night

I have dreamed of joy departed;

But a waking dream of life and light

Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day

To him whose eyes are cast

On things around him, with a ray

Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream, that holy dream,

While all the world was chiding,

Hath cheered me as a lovely beam

A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night,

So trembled from afar―

What could there be more purely bright

In Truth’s day-star?”

As I watched his face while speaking the same lines he had spoken to me what feels like decades ago at this point, though only a few short months ago, his face morphed into a loving smile. I watched as the soft smile he had turned wider, and the crinkles next to his eyes deepened, and his dimple peeked out beneath his facial hair deepened. After I finished, I blushed and turned away from his gaze.

“I, um...I read that poem almost nightly after we first walked back here to the farm together. I couldn’t bring myself to read past that poem either, it was always just that one, and I always only heard your voice echoing it in my head as my eyes read along the lines. That was all before we started meeting at night….”

After my admission, Ezra had set the book aside, carefully placing it with the others. Then he carefully picked up my hand kissed my palm before sliding my hand to rest on his cheek as he pulled me into his lap. As soon as I was close enough he started kissing me, starting with small soft pecks on the corners of my mouth before moving on to full kissing my lips. He slowly worked the kisses from soft to passionate. 

That night we sat against the wall and as Ezra held me and made love to me, he continuously whispered and recited our poem. For once he didn’t drawl on about this or that, only softly and huskily reciting those words over and over into my ear in between kisses and nips and moans of my name.

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The days were counting down too quickly for my taste. I was scared, in all honesty. I felt as if I had finally gotten Ezra, but I still hadn’t fully gotten him in the way that I longed for. I wanted to be able to spend every waking moment with him. I wanted to be able to feel his touch whenever without worrying about my father. I want to be able to walk up and kiss him. I want to be able to make love with him in a bed for once. I want so much, still, and time is running out. Even as I sit close to Ezra and listen to him speak about just whatever is going through his mind, I can’t help but worry about what is going to happen in only a few week’s time. Will I have to watch as the man I have come to love walks away from me forever? Will he decide to stay with me and settle down on K-5? Or will he take me with him and into that big ship that comes for him, taking me with him on every adventure following?

“...lower? Darling? Are you back with me yet,” coming back to the present I am met with Ezra’s soft smile and teasing eyes, as he rubs the palm of my hand with his thumb. “What has taken you away from me, flower? For your eyes seemed to be a million miles away from here, and I must say I am slightly worried that you may have finally grown tired of my endless drawl. Tell me, please?”

Shaking my head with a small laugh, I returned his smile. “I’m sorry, Ez. I can assure you that I am far from tired of listening to you talk. I always look forward to getting to listen to you…”

“Then what is stealing your attention from me, flower? I can tell that something is bothering you, and it has me slightly worried. You can talk to me about anything, I promise you no harsh judgments, I could never think or speak anything unsavory when it comes to you, my lovely flower.”

As he speaks, Ezra reaches over to me and pulls my bottom lip free from my teeth as he has done so many times before. We sit in silence for a few moments, before I take a deep breath and quietly whisper, “What is going to happen in the next few weeks? After the harvest is done, and the ship comes for you?”

Watching Ezra’s eyes as I spoke, I saw them get a sad hue to them. I watched as Ezra swallowed and he said in a solemn tone, “I cannot stay flower. I must leave with that ship….but I don’t have to leave alone. Flower, you could come with me, I would more than love to take care of you out there, and show you the universe that you have only seen through stories...That is of course if that is what you want. I will not push you into leaving your family, or your planet, but know that leaving without you by my side will break me. I know that what we have hasn’t lasted long but I know for certain that this is special. I know without a shadow of doubt that I have fallen completely for you. And, if I were to leave you behind, I would end up leaving my heart and soul along with you. I love you, flower…”

Crying, I move my hands to hold Ezra’s face and I press my forehead to his own. For a few seconds, we sit like this and as I run my thumbs across his cheeks, Ezra wraps his arm around my waist.

“You honestly think that I’m going to stay on this Kevva forsaken planet when the man that holds my heart and soul is leaving? If you will have me, I am coming with you. I love you, Ezra, and if you left me here, I fear that I would waste away from the heartbreak.”

“I swear flower, you make me the happiest man in the known universe. If you had said anything about not coming with me I think I would have left this mortal body from the sadness alone. I don’t think I could ever be far from you again.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

After we both agreed that we would be leaving K-5 together when the time came in the following weeks, we started planning how exactly we were going to accomplish running away with each other. We both knew that my father would try and stop us, so we couldn’t risk him finding out any part of our plans. And as much as I hated it, I had decided to leave Anthony in the dark as well. I knew that, yes, in the past few months the two of us had gotten closer, but I still didn’t know how he would react if I told him. I still remember what he had said to me in the kitchen and I planned to keep that promise, but I couldn’t find it in me to tell him, still too scared that he might tell my father and dash all hope of me getting off this planet.

Ezra and I’s plan was simple, really. The plan was to have everything packed and ready to go the night before the ship would make its way to town. After my father goes to bed I would go to Anthony, say my goodbyes, and grab the money that was owed to Ezra for his work before going to the hayloft, with my packed things. That night Ezra and I would stay together and in the early morning light, we would leave for town. If everything went well, we both should be loaded onto the ship and gone before my father noticed that I hadn’t just gone on my usual Saturday morning supply run. Simple, as long as everything went accordingly.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The weeks and days ticked by quickly, and my anxiety continuously rose. Ezra tried to calm me, giving me soft words and holding me at night, but I could tell that he himself was getting anxious as well. As the last week came, each night we would greet each other and do just about anything to distract ourselves from the looming escape. And as Friday came, I found that my bottom lip was chewed raw from the anxiety and anticipation for what was to come, but I couldn’t stop myself from continuing the bad habit, only wincing when I brushed over an especially sore spot on my lip.

The day itself was rather uneventful. I once again was doing laundry away from the other three, as they pulled in the last of the harvest. Before I had even realized it, it was time for dinner and as we all sat down for dinner, we ate in silence for the first time in what felt like forever. Surprisingly enough it was my father who broke that silence as we were all finishing up our food.

“You’re quiet for once in your life it seems. It almost seems suspicious,” my father spoke watching Ezra with careful eyes. To which Ezra just gave him an easy smile, and replied, “No reason to be suspicious, I assure you. I am just tired and the food was just too good to take breaks for speaking.”

“Hmmm, well I hope you enjoyed it because it’s gonna be your last meal here, I’ll have your money waiting outside in the morning and I want you gone by first light. If you’re not, well, only having one arm is gonna be the least of your problems.”

With that said, my father left the table and went straight to his bedroom. Looking back to Ezra, I found him looking down at his plate with a blank expression, his face neutral to whatever emotion was running through him at that moment. Glancing over at Anthony I found him watching me, and watched him open his mouth before speaking quietly.

“Listen, I don’t know what you two have planned, but dad has something planned as well. If you are leaving, I hope it’s gonna be before he has had a chance to even get up in the morning.”

Looking back to Ezra, I only saw him nod before he left the table as well. I watched as he grabbed his folded clothes, looked back at me with a small smile, and then walked out the back door. After he was gone, Anthony helped me clear the table and do the dishes, him drying as I cleaned, per our newer routine. And, after we had finished and before he could walk out of the kitchen, I wrapped my arms around him. 

“We are leaving in the morning. We hope to be gone by the time dad figures out I am not coming back from doing the shopping…”

“So this is goodbye, then?”

“Yeah, this is goodbye…”

With a hug and a kiss on my forehead, Anthony smiled at me and then left the kitchen, going upstairs to his room. Once again, I found myself standing in the kitchen losing track of time as I thought about what had just happened between Anthony and I. After I came back to the present though, I went and found the money my father had for Ezra, before making my way up to my room. 

Once in my room, I pulled the sack of belongings I had packed from underneath my bed where I had kept them hidden. Setting the bag on my bed I stashed the money away in one of the pockets before slinging the bag over my shoulder. Once again, I found myself stopping and looking around my room, taking everything in for one last time. When I found myself close to tears, I knew that it was time to leave, before the what ifs started to float around my head.

Making a quick and quiet escape out to the barn. Within minutes I was in the hayloft I found myself immediately being pulled into Ezra’s embrace. And, once I was in his arm, I felt a little bit of the stress that had built up this past month finally fade as I clutched him tightly.

“I am sorry for how my father has spoken to you these last few months. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he has treated you.”

“I would live through his constant torment and degradation of my character every day, if it meant that I could be with you. Flower, I do not care what he says to me, while his words may hurt, at the end of the day I still have you and you still have me no matter what he says or does. I love you so much, flower.”

“I love you too, Ezra.”

With that said Ezra lead me to the spot where he had been spending his nights. As we both laid down, Ezra held me close and whispered in my ear, as his hand trailed up my shirt. “Just one more time, for memory’s sake, flower?” And with my nodded consent Ezra brought me slow soft pleasure in the hayloft of my family’s barn before we drifted off to sleep for the first time holding each other. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

When I awoke the next morning, it was still dark out, and it was to Ezra’s soft kisses all over my face. Smiling, I moved one of my hands to cradle his face and pull him into a kiss, before whispering him a good morning feeling his smile grow across my lips.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to the feeling of waking up with you next to me. I am not completely sure that I have not left the mortal realm in my sleep and have awakened to an angel in what many have called heaven.”

Laughing I nuzzled my nose into his neck and pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat. “And I do not think I will ever get used to being woken up by a waxing poet every morning.”

Feeling Ezra's laugh, I pulled away from him and got up from the makeshift bed to pull the clothes that had been thrown from my body the night before back on. Hearing movement behind me, I knew that Ezra was doing the same, and when I turned around, I smiled softly as I found him pulling on one of the shirts I had gifted him, the pants already covering his beautifully strong legs. Catching me looking, Ezra smirked. 

“See something you like, flower? Because I know I do.” Moving over to where I stand with a blindingly wide smile, Ezra leans down and gives me a chaste kiss before walking over to our bags, as I followed behind. Grabbing mine and handing it to me, I slid it on as Ezra turned and grabbed his own. Once both bags were secure Ezra turned back to me, this time looking slightly unsure. “Are you ready, flower?”

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life. Ezra,” I say, and take his hand and hold his face. “Take me far away from here. Show me the universe and every secret you know.”

Leaning in, Ezra and I share one last passionate kiss before we made our way down the ladder and into the main portion of the barn. Once, we were both safely there, we both reached for the other’s hand as we walked to the barn door.

Right before we reached the doors, I was struck by the feeling that something was wrong. Before I could say anything, we reached the opening of the barn and I immediately realize why I felt that way, and judging by the way Ezra’s hand tightened in my own, he noticed as well. In the house the kitchen lights were on, and in the back doorway, there was the silhouette of my father holding what could only be his thrower rifle that he had stashed in the house. 

With the soft light of the rising sun, there was no way that my father didn’t see us standing there with our hands linked together. The three of us stood there, no one daring to move and inch, until my father moved the thrower and pointed it towards what I could only assume to be Ezra. He didn’t fire, but he did yell from the doorway, “I told you that there would be consequences, and I told you to stay away from my daughter. But all you do is talk so why did I expect you to know how to listen? Leave. Now. Before I decide to blow your brains out.”

Looking to Ezra with panic written across my face I only found him with a scowl on his face, as he held my hand tighter. And just as I went to whisper his name, Ezra spoke up and yelled back across to my father, “I was leaving right when you interrupted our departure. Now just lower the gun and we’ll be on our merry way. Out of your hair forever-”

“Like hell I am letting you take her. She’s staying right here and you are walking to town and leaving forever.”

Scared and on the verge of crying, I looked back towards my father, only to notice movement behind him. Ezra must have noticed as well because he laced his fingers with mine and whispered, get ready to run, before yelling back to my father. “I think you’ll find that she isn’t inclined to stay on this planet a day longer. She is leaving with me.”

(Thank you all again, you guys have made the last couple of months really amazing for me! I'm always looking for some interaction so please come say hi! I am planning out two more things coming in the future, a one-shot and another multipart fic! I am also always open to expanding this fic so if you have questions I would LOVE to answer them! As always likes, comments, and especially reblogs are super appreciated! I always love your guys’ feedback!)

Tags:  @babybelou @farrvey @anatanotegami @revolution-starter @cadelinhadopedropascal @lucifurrr @coolfishoperatoreagle @pugdalorian @callsigncatfish @marydjarin @jeeperky​ (user with crossed out names I couldn’t tag, sorry!)

[raviliuz]

"Here comes the sun" Blaise Zabini x Theodore Nott

Muggle, retro au

@lifesucksandiwanttobeamarauder I finally translate that fanfiction, I hope you like it 🥺

The dark-skinned boy has tried to sit still from three hours already. It is incredibly hard for him, because of his amazing hyperactivity. In all honesty, sitting here as a model doesn't count to his dreams or favourites activities but he couldn't deny to Theodore's asks.

Just because of that — his bloody weakness for the older boy — he must stick up there and pose to Theodore's new painting. Blaise perfectly knows that person on that work of art won't be even similar to him. But it will be beautiful, perfect as everything that has been made by gifted hands of Theodore Nott.

There's music, playing quietly at the background, played on a gramophone, restored by Blaise himself. He gifted it to his friend as a birthday present two years ago on an incredibly warm and short night, 22th of June.

He has so many memories with that slight, passionate boy.

"Theo," he says suddenly, breaking the silence. He sounds like a dissatisfied kitten and when he doesn't notice any reaction, he repeats meowing "Theo, I'm bored."

The other boy finally pays his attention to Blaise, not his reflection on painting, which is created on a canvas (too small in Theo's opinion).

"Blaise, you really can't stand it for a while more?" Theodore asks and there is a nuance of desperation and melancholy in his voice, "I want to end it."

And Blaise has already known, he loses again. He won't be able to deny his friend the pleasure that results from looking at the painting — finished, after hours of working.

"I'll stand it, Theo" he sighs and in his mind adds 'always for you'. At this moment all he can do is begging and praying that Theodore is not able to read minds, just like some characters in their favourites comics.

"Nah, Blaise" slight boy says suddenly and leaves his paint palette and set of brushes on the cupboard, promising himself that he will wash it carefully within a few minutes when paints won't be already dry "I know you don't want to."

"It's not like that" Zabini starts to explaining himself chaotically because he doesn't want hurt Theodore's feelings, "I love watching your painting and you while you're painting. And I love that you have a passion and you're so talented. I just... It's May Day and we are sitting in your room..."

"It's alright, Blaise" Theodore interrupts his with the most beautiful, in Zabini's opinion, smile — that carefree, happy and only a little faraway one.

"We should do something and bring Hope with us to take many photos and place them in our albums with dumb yet cute captions" Theo proposes with a light laugh.

The younger, but taller, better built and more mature, of boys, stands up and brushes off invisible pollen from clothes. He reaches his hand to Theodore to help him stand up.

"Wanna go?" he proposes and even if Theo doesn't know where he agrees without a single question.

It doesn't matter where they go, it will be awesome as always if Blaise is with him.

He catches Hope and puts it on his neck. Theo loves his polaroid camera with whole his heart, even if it isn't the newest and all the better photos were made by Blaise.

Blaise is still holding Theodore's hand in his (definitely larger and rougher), like he doesn't care about rubs of paints in many different colours on Theo's hand and now, also on Blaise's one.

He pulls his friends outside and enters the garage like he is in his own house. Theodore knows what he means without words and grabs his bicycle with a big smile on his slim face.

Meanwhile, Blaise grabs his skateboard, which, only in the form of rebellion against sentiment, he did not give a name. But he perfectly knows that by his skateboard, people could see a different side of his personality, which he doesn't show often — bloody sentimentalist who loves very clichéd books or movies and constantly remembering beautiful moments, and it doesn't matter if that happens a year ago or two hours ago.

The skateboard has its best years far behind its. The picture which was printed on the underside of 'his love' (although, of course, incomparable to that of the boy just standing next to him) has almost completely faded and crumbled, peeling paint seems not so good, to put it mildly, but in Blaise's opinion, it adds the special character and charm to his skateboard. Every scratch and every cooked screw tell a story and Blaise thinks it definitely better than new skateboard — probably glamorous but without its own character.

Blaise isn't similar to Theo, not it that topic. He has never had boxes filled with various craps, which refer to many different events and happenings. He doesn't have special notebooks with tickets, a diary or millions of notes with quick sketches, created under the influence of a sudden flow of wen. He doesn't keep every notes and message on scraps of papers, which have been hand down on lessons, in hope that the teacher wouldn't see that. In first, even having a photo album was strange for Blaise. It shows, that he likes looking back at past and that feeling, which sometimes accompanies you right before falling asleep, when you remind yourself one of those pleasant situations from childhood, isn't foreign for him. It was all he was trying to defend himself against, but only for a time.

For a time when on his way stood that quite frail and nerdy boy. Theodore showed him being sentiment isn't something bad just as singing songs out loud in public places. As compensation, Blaise showed him the magic of comics and all these beautiful, charming in their area, which he discovered while taking a walk daily. Blaise pulled Theodore out of his room and dragged him away from the easel to lead him everywhere he can.

"To our place?" Theodore asks and gets on his a little too small, colourful bike. The seat creaks quietly under his mass but none of the boys pays any attention to this.

"Exactly, now ride, my carriage" Blaise screams and catches up on Theo's seat so the movement of the bicycle can drag him.

"Pff, flax" Nott giggles and Blaise find it as the most sonorous, melodic sound in the whole world.

They ride slowly through all that musty hole, also known as Torquay, or — their home. The road even if it's really old and it remembers when they as children drew chalk on a street, is not in a bad condition. A worse fate befell the road signs — some of them are smeared with sprays, and some are knocked off the ground, due to a car accident or a group of probably drunk but still strong young people.

There are many houses near the road. They are quite poor and definitely not as modern as houses in the capital. At some time, before he started taking daily walks, Blaise dreamed about living in London. Or rather, to be able to tell others that he lives in London. It's another thing which distinguishes him from Theodore — the older boy sees beauty everywhere, in everything and in everybody. Blaise envied him with this skill, for him the world has been boring or just ugly and people have been cruel sometimes.

The sun is warming their backs when they slowly ride on a well-known path. They pass Mrs Shermik, so out of courtesy from four meters away from her, they shout to the old woman joyful 'Good morning'. As they turn into a lane, which is fortunately dry as it hasn't rained much lately, Theo starts humming under his breath.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad" he looks at his friend (nearly losing control of his bike) and Blaise quickly understands what he means.

Blaise joins to his singing and adds next line:

"Take a sad song and make it better".

Someday Blaise would have worried. He was worried about what people would think, he was afraid someone would hear them. But not now. Now he doesn't care when the words flowing from the depths of memory, and when the song ends, he starts another, definitely his favourite — "Blackbird". Neither of the boys has a perfect voice, singing is definitely not their hidden talent, but that doesn't matter. And that is wonderful, isn't it?

Here Blaise can no longer skate further — the ground is too uneven, even ploughed by the tires of wheelbarrows and carts of people from the neighbouring village. The dark-skinned man rejects Theo's offer to simply get his bike's rack and chooses to run next to the boy. The basketball team and two trainings a week are finally coming in handy — thanks to this, his condition is really good and he doesn't gasp like an old man with asthma after twenty meters run. Theodore, noticing how well his best friend is doing, accelerates, forcing Zabini to run, which he accepts with a groan. Nevertheless, he catches up with the older boy and promises himself that as soon as they get there, he will get his revenge.

After five more minutes, they are a destination of their travel. The place they describe as "their", although they are well aware that they are not the only people who come here, is exactly as they remember it — beautiful.

It was Blaise who discovered them during one of his walks over three years ago. He perfectly remembered how it happened.

That day he was trying to find a rather fast but shallow brook, which he remembered from his childhood. Before Draco's move to London, they told Draco's parents that they were going to the field, but in fact, they went to the brook and walked back and forth on a tree that had fallen over the river. He remembered just as well how Draco's mother, on her way to the store, noticed they were not on the field, prompting a search. When their parents found them by the brook — wet but in unusually good moods, they were already too worried to be upset with them.

After searching for more than an hour (during which he definitely fulfilled the daily, maybe even a week, step norm, but he didn't care) he found a place from his memories, although it was difficult to recognize its. The brook had dried up completely, leaving only a faint riverbed and tree roots washed out of the ground, but the place has definitely retained its charm.

Theo drops the bicycle, leaning it hurriedly against one of the roots, and lays down on the grass, staring at the almost cloudless sky, hidden only by tree branches. Blaise, slightly out of breath, rests his hands on his knees and stays like this for a moment. When his breath normalized he comes closer to Theodore. There is a snap and a Polaroid camera gracefully named Hope spits out a photo in which the image hasn't shown up yet. Theo enthusiastically grabs a small piece of paper and starts waving it so fast that it is about to reach orbital velocity. After a while, the picture clears up the silhouette of a younger boy, who was about to lie down next to his friend. Blaise looks at the photo and asks smiling, even though he already knows the answer:

"For your or my album?"

"Of course mine," Theodore replies quickly, grinning happily, "Why do you need your own photos? They will be much more useful to me."

The dark-skinned boy can't help but messes Theodore's hair in one move of his hand. However, Theo is not annoyed by that, he reacts to it like a cat, moving closer and silently demanding further caresses, which the younger one does willingly.

They are sitting like that (or rather, Blaise is sitting and Theo's half lying on him) till the sunset. There is a flower crown on Blaise's head, made by Theo with field flowers collected by him. And of course, Theodore took a photo of Blaise in his work of art.

It's getting dark. Butterflies, which were flying around them flew away and gave way for beautiful moths and fireflies. Theodore stands up energetically and starts jumping on protruding trees' roots, chasing insects to take a photo of them.

"Theo, please be careful," Blaise says attentively but the only response is 'don't worry' screamed by Nott.

Blaise unwillingly starts remembering his childhood. Times, when he wasn't Theodore's friend and all that connected them, was the same neighbourhood, chalk and short-term relationship of their parents. Then they found that as a stupid and loathsome. Nowadays, at their seventeen's, just as weird. But they weren't friends. After all, Blaise was friends with Draco and the teacher in primary had repeated that it's better to have fewer friends but true friends. So Blaise fraternizes with Malfoy till he moved to London.

It's not that now Blaise finds it as a mistake or holds any grudge with Draco. But nowadays he thinks that it is not good to withdraw from others.

When Draco had left and moved to London, Blaise had thought they now he stayed alone but on that moment, Theodore slowly crept into his life. Nott sat next to Blaise on school basketball pitch and started reminding happy moments from times when Draco lived in Torquey.

And later he showed his painting to Blaise and dark-skinned boy couldn't believe someone his age could do something that beautiful. A week later Blaise sat down with him in the canteen and sometime later also on most of the lessons so he could distract him from learning to read their favourites comics.

Now, Blaise would imagine his life without his always laughing and only sometimes a little faraway friend.

His thoughts are interrupted by a quiet scream.

"Ouch!"

Blaise, worried, stands up imminently and run through Theo. He is curled up in a fetal position between roods of the biggest tree. Zabini hugs him tightly and Theodore accepts that willing, cuddling to his chest while holds back tears.

"Ah, Theo" Blaise whispers, still cuddling the boy in his arms, "I asked you to be careful."

"I'm sorry, Blaise" he answers, sniffing.

"Don't apologize to me, silly" Blaise couldn't stop himself from nuzzling his friend's cheek.

"But you are worrying now and you warned me that I might get hurt..."

"Shhhh" Zabini interrupts him and places his fingers on Theo's mouth to shushes him "I always worrying about you, no matter if you get hurt or not" he admits truthfully and after a few seconds of silence adds "Please, stop crying.

He stops hugging Theodore, although he wants to do it forever. Blaise squats in from of him and gently grabs his friend's head. He wipes away tears, flowing slowly on fairy (although all that time, spends under the sunlight) skin.

He wants to not cry because of sadness or pain, wants him not to have reasons for a cry.

He wants him to be always happy, even if that meant that Blaise wouldn't be on his side.

Wants, wants, wants.

But the world isn't always beautiful, even if Theodore thinks so. Sometimes the world is cruel, ugly or just totally boring. The same about people who live in it.

Do it's really important to find your refuge. A place, a person or a hobby, which will be like an escape from all evils in that world.

Blaise thought that his escape is comics. Reading them has dragged him into the world of superheroes where he could use his imagination and think about meaningless things for hours such as what superpower would he choose (flying, of course). Besides that, the world in comics is just easier. It isn't hard to differentiate who is good and who's bad. Good people fight with bad people, that's all. The Justice League cares about Gotham and saves innocent people from Joker, Deadshot or Darkseid. In the real world, it would be an unsolvable matter with billions different threads and complications so even the best detectives wouldn't be able to decide who is guilty.

Comics world is just easier.

Lately, Blaise has got to understand that the whole beauty in that world is locked in its confusions, problems and ambiguities. Because the world is beautiful, even if sometimes it's cruel or ugly.

And the one who made him understand that is his only real refuge — Theodore Nott.

He is the one who makes reading comics even better.

He is the one with who Blaise could do anything and it would be incredibly good.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to talk about 'good old times' and makes new memories to remember.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to stay forever.

Theodore Nott is the one who Blaise bestow that hot and unique feeling which, no matter what since says, comes from the heart.

And that feeling, now makes him do something, he has been dreaming about for that long. Blaise gently and unsurely grabs the head of the person, who since a year isn't only a friend for him. He delicately raises Theo's head a bit upper to look him straight into his eyes. Their lips touch slowly and gently. Both of them don't feel so confident with what's going on but they will worry about that later. Now, Blaise doesn't have the time and desire to thinks about the consequences. Not now, when he feels the structure of soft lips of his love.

When the dark-skinned boy doesn't notice any objections from the older boy, he let himself do a light, carefully move with his lips. He doesn't want to scared Theodore, knowing how delicate and artsy person he is. He would ever forgive himself hurting Theo.

If he only knew how long Theodore was waiting for it and how much he enjoys that kiss, even if Blaise's lips are rough and chapped.

Blaise gently moves away and hangs his head down, looking at too long grass. He's afraid of seeing Theodore's reaction for what he has done because he's afraid of rejection and ending that important relationship.

However, Theo, likes he doesn't see his friend insecure, giggles lightly and grabs the younger boy cheeks, turning his face to him.

"Oh, finally. How long might I wait?" Theo says with a delightful smile.

"Really. You... Me..." Blaise mutters like he doesn't know what he wants to say.

"Yeah, silly" Theo chucked and hits an end of Blaise's nose with his "You're definitely my favourite person in that universe. And every other, alternative universe too."

Blaise, still can't believe what's happening, hugs his boy and kisses him quickly. The kiss is one hundred per cent cute and totally not sultry. Because feelings as sultry and desire don't fit Theodore, even in an alternative universe where Bruce Wayne become the Devastator instead of Batman. It just does not fit.

"Yeah, and you're my fav person."

They sit in silence for a while, but it's nothing wrong. The silent can be calming and comfortable, it can say more than every word in the world.

The air is getting cooler and owls' chirps become more ominous, so finally, Blaise breaks the silence and says:

"Theo" mentioned boy turns to him and glance at Zabini, "Is your knee still hurting?"

"It's not that bad" Theo shrugs but Blaise quickly understands that it's not good either, "But can you ride the bicycle? I'll drive on its carrier."

"But what with my skateboard?" Blaise asks inconvenience.

"I'll carry it, please" Zabini's only answer is a sigh but not the irritated one. He doesn't know what would Theo had to do to irritate him.

"Alright, but please, be careful."

Blaise raises Theo's bicycle from the ground and helps the boy to climb up to the luggage carrier and then he carefully sits on its seat. Theodore holds Blaise's skateboard (which he has named against his will — Faith) with one hand and the other one is embraced around Blaise's stomach so Theo can stably stay on the carrier. Well, maybe not only because of that.

"To me?" Blaise proposes and slowly leaves their place.

Theodore automatically nods but then he understands that Blaise can't see him so he quickly says 'yes' some times.

Boys are leaving, slowly and without unnecessary haste, but that moment is different than every previous one, they have spent here. Now, they're leaving their place not as just friends.

From Theodore Nott's album:

"4th of May, 1984 —

My favourite day to remember"