#considering he can't be bothered to read a fucking email about it

[grandwretch]

i think the funniest thing about the tumblr ceo shitting the bed is when he tried to garner sympathy that all this was happening when he was supposed to be on "sabbatical". like yeah mate im really fucking sad for you that you didn't get to ruin a trans woman's day/week/year/life stress-free while you went on a three month vacation and still collected a daily paycheck for other people's labor. fucking crying for you dude.

[yung-notorious]

8 WORDS WHEN I THINK ABOUT US IS FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME! — ♡

— crammed up in the backseat of his car, he just can’t get enough of you — feat. satoru gojo

+18 MDI. WARNINGS. baddie!reader x college!gojo, never lose me chapter 4, unestablished situationship, rough makeup sex, latenight drives, fast food drive-thru’s, hotboxing, unprotected sex, car sex, blowjobs, fingering, squirting, begging, almost cream pie, gojo’s character is questionable. notes. word count 8k, apart of a larger body of work but can stand alone as a one-shot. read entire work here on ao3. comments likes reblogs all appreciated 💕

You’re pissed honestly, all the way fed up with Sukuna and his stank ass attitude. You’d be FaceTiming the group chat right now telling them what just happened if they weren’t out drunk off their asses. But you can't, so someone is going to have to hear your mouth and it’s going to be Satoru whether he likes it or not. You’re not playing this time, enough is enough.

You don’t even bother signing out before you push through the front lobby doors, the security guard is too busy on his phone to notice you leave and by the time he does he doesn't have the energy in him to stop you. You’ll get an email from housing if he cares enough to report you. It's not like that shits going to affect you in any way though, you don’t even live on campus. Yeah you might get suspended from staying over his dorm if it happens again but at this point you don’t ever want to come back up here again.

It’s dark when you make it outside, chilly with light rain hitting your face and you can’t see which car he’s in with there being a few other cars parked out front with their bright ass LED headlights blinding you. There’s people shuffling out of each one, likely getting dropped off from the bars and you hate having to stand here looking around searching for him.

You take your phone out to text him to ask what car he’s in and not even a second later a car horn honks…you turn to look, and out of all these cars parked up of course he’d be the one in the Audi. You had a feeling he came from money with the girls coming from a private high school, but you were too busy trying to see through the Honda’s and Kia’s, you didn’t even consider him to be in that car.

Walking over, you pull on the passenger side door handle and hop in putting your backpack down. The bottom of your sneaks are wet and you feel icky having them touch the floor.

“You got down here quic–”, he moves towards you in an attempt to sling an arm around and pull you into a hug but you jerk back pushing him away.

“Aht aht, no.”

“What’s the matter with you?” He pulls back. You don’t miss the slight irritation in his voice either. He’s probably confused as hell. One minute you’re hot the next you’re cold, then you’re hot again, you can’t even blame him if he’s mad you’re coming in his car with an attitude.

“Your friend…” you start off, and it’s taking the strength of Joseline off Zeus Network to not start cussing and that’s one strong bitch to hold back from.

“What?” You hate how confused he sounds, he should already know what you’re about to say.

“You need to get him, like dead ass. I’m tired of his mouth.”

“Who?”

“Sukuna!”

“He said something to you?”

“Yes! This is like the second time too.” You throw your hands up in annoyance and he sucks his teeth at that. No shit he said something dummy, you wouldn’t be sitting here talking if he hadn’t.

“What he do now?” He leans back manspreading, like the conversation is already boring him. As if you fussing isn’t worth his time. You really don’t know him well enough to be getting hype and for damn sure don’t know what it takes to piss him off. He might have made a couple smart comments before, but up until now he’s been so patient with you…you probably shouldn’t be picking a fight. But you go on anyway…

“He keeps getting smart with me.”

“Saying what?”

“He came in saying some, fuck you doing here, when he saw me. Like who the fuck does he think he is talking to me like that?”

“I told you to stay in my room, did you say anything back?”

“Of course!”

“Then why are you so upset? It sounds to me like you already handled it.”

“Satoru…yo!” You can’t help but laugh…because oh my god…he doesn't know how fast shit can flip when it comes to you.

“Get your friend…” You start off bluntly, because shits really not a joke anymore.

“Like for real. Because I got an uncle back home that don’t play about me an—”, he cuts you off.

“I asked you the other day if you want me to say something to him and you said it wasn’t that deep. I asked you twice, didn't I?”

“Okay! But that’s ‘cause I didn’t think it was gonna become a problem. Now for whatever reason, he has an issue with me. I don’t know what for, but I know one thing, I don't take disrespect. So y’all both can do whatever y’all want with that information.”

“See, I can tell you don’t have brothers. You’re really mad over that little thing he said?”

“Satoru!” You can’t stress his name enough. What’s not clicking?

“Get your friend please! Because this shit…me and you? Uh-uh, it won’t be happening.”

“What you scared of him or something?”

“Are you!?” You hit back, because huh ? How many times do you have to say it? You can handle Sukuna on your own, but he’s acting like he’s too good to confront him on it.

“Alright. Alright. I’ll talk to him. I got it.”

“Thank you! Like c’mon ‘toru, you're actually cool as shit and I really am starting to fuck with you. I’d hate for some petty shit like that to get in the wa—” he turns his head before you could even finish, you can’t tell if it’s because of the new nickname that rolls off your tongue so effortlessly well or finally admitting to him you feel some type of way…but he’s blushing now…a shade of pink so faint if it wasn’t for the light of the nearby lamp post shining through the windshield you wouldn’t have even been able to see it.

“What, you blushing?” You tease, you’re surprised really, you can’t fucking believe it, that smooth player attitude he’s kept up since you met him done melted away like it was nothing.

“No.” He doesn’t even believe himself when he says it. How could he with the tip of his ears and his cheeks flushed a dust pink.

“Aw you blushing?” You lean in closer to get a better look and all he does is his turn away further, he’d snap his neck before he’d let you catch him. You should take a picture just to really get him for giving you such a hard time not even a minute ago.

“No.” He’s a liar and you can hear it in his voice. He knows damn well he’s blushing and why. You probably shouldn’t have told him you’re feeling him though, that’s exactly when boys take their chance to start acting up. Fuck it though, your player card already gone, you’ll cross that bridge if he ever takes you there.

“Oh my god. Yes you are, you’re really blushing, that's so cute!” You say it in the most fake disgustingly babyish voice possible just to irk him, even reaching over to pitch at his cheek too. You made him fucking blush and he can’t hide it! He’s blushing even more now with the tiniest smile starting to pull at his lips. How fucking adorable is that.

“I’ll talk to him, I’ll talk to him…” he swats your hand away. You go to lean back in your seat, you’ll leave it alone for now but you’re keeping this moment under lock and key tucked away in memory. You finally cracked it. Toru , that’s all it took to make him blush. Boy’s are so easy.

“But you fuck with me now?” He throws a look back at you ready to rub it in, you knew he’d hold it against you. Now you’re a blushing mess too and you know damn well you’re worse at keeping anything off your face. You can’t stand how easy he says it, because now he knows and he’s probably going to tell the whole world. You’re a fool for giving it up, but to see him blush like that was still worth it.

“Just shut up and drive.” You make a face rolling your eyes. He’s going to rub it in more, you already know. Y’all are both evil.

“Nahhh, you fuck with me. You said it. What do they be saying on the 'gram? Stand on it?” He cheeses so big, you love to see him smile, you really do.

“Oh my god…” Your hands come up to cover your face, you can’t help but smile though. He fucking got you back and you just about gave him the tools to do so. You can’t even be mad about it.

“You still want Wendy’s?” He puts the car in reverse to back out the parking space.

“Yeah, I think we can make it.” Wendy’s isn’t too far, it’s right outside the borough, which isn’t too big either. There might be a wait at the drive-thru with everyone outside tonight but hopefully there’s enough people back in the kitchen cooking.

“I don’t know why…but I have the biggest cramp in my back.” He says, shifting in his seat.

“Probably because you be fucking me too hard.” You joke, because yeah your legs are sore too but you’re for damn sure not going to admit that to him.

“Definitely not from that, that was nothing.” He laughs. Alright now! You roll your eyes at that.

“Maybe ‘cause you’re so tall.”

“Maybe…” He shifts again. Aw poor him, probably blew his own back out fucking you.

“All these people outside damn this–”

“Can I put on music?” You ask, you didn’t mean to cut him off, but not having music playing in the background is starting to kill you.

“Yeah, I don’t have an aux cord you have to connect it to CarPlay.”

You move to play around with the entertainment screen trying to connect your phone to it. This car is like a fucking spaceship. You see some of his boy’s and other people's names you don’t recognize in the list of previous connections. Guess your name is on two lists now.

“How do you go out every week? It’s got to be tiring.”

“What makes you say that?

“I don’t know, it seems like you do…”

“Always assuming. But it’s fun, I be with my friends, and we be having a good time. How come I never see you out here?” You’re going through your music library, you don’t know what to put on yet but you do know that you want it to be a vibe.

“Way too busy, and I don’t drink.” Is all he says and you have no choice but to take his word for it. You already know his major is harder than yours, just the intro class alone has been kicking your ass this semester.

“Nah I get it, that’s why I’m not out there now.”

“You could have gone, it was still early when we left the library.”

“You said you wanted to go back to yours?”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t gonna hold you if you wanted to go out.” Oh my gosh…can he shut up and stop playing. Now just act like you weren’t trying to take me back to yours to fuck me.

“Even if I did, I don’t really like what I have on so…”

“What? You looked good as shit when I pulled up.” He says it in such a way as if you’re crazy for even thinking you’d ever look bad a day in your life.

Oh my god…please…you’re going to ignore that.

“You could put on anything and still look good.” He takes his eyes off the road for a second to smile at you, but you’re still ignoring him…you’re like mentally blushing so hard right now.

“You still ain't find anything to put on yet?” He takes a hand and slips it between your thighs, you spread them apart in an attempt to get him to stop but he just moves his hand up further. He's not teasing, just holding you.

“I’m just going to shuffle any playlist.” You hit shuffle on one of Apple Music’s curated playlists and Through The Nigh t by Maeta starts playing. A little too slow for your liking so you hit shuffle again and settle on Offset’s Worth It . A couple more minutes of you two talking about random stuff goes by and y’all are finally pulling into Wendy’s drive-thru, and to your surprise no other cars are lined up.

“What do you want?” He asks, rolling his window down to read the menu. You can’t see clearly from sitting in the passenger seat, you lean over the center console a bit.

“Um…hold on I can’t really see it.”

“What, you wear glasses?”

“Contacts. I didn’t feel like putting them in today…wait can I…” You lean over his lap trying your best to read the menu, you hear him shift to lean his seat back giving you space.

“I’m just going to get what I always get.”

“Hi, just one moment!” A younger woman's voice comes through the drive-thru speaker. You can already tell they’re about to take forever back there. Just as you’re about to move to sit back in your seat she speaks again.

“Hi, sorry! What would you like to order?”

“You can go first.” You say to him.

“Just a six piece spicy nugget.” He says with his customer service voice on.

“Your sauce?”

“Uh...can I do sweet n’ sour?”

“We’re out of that tonight, sorry.”

“Here go the bullshit.” You laugh. You swear this place gets worse than McDonald’s on a late night.

“Just the nuggets then.” He sighs.

“You’re just going to eat them dry?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re freaky.”

“Watch your mouth.” He whispers, slapping your butt when he says it too. Shit…at least it sounds better coming from him.

“And for you miss?”

“Um…okay, do you have cold brew?”

“Ice coffee?” He snickers.

“No…it’s almost three a.m and we’re about to close.” Now you definitely ordered coffee this late from here before but okay girl, whatever you say.

“Okay, can I get a medium strawberry lemonade?”

“We’re out of that too.”

“What!” You huff. Satoru’s laughing now.

“They suck.” He whispers for only you to hear.

“I know…can I just get a sprite and a large fry then?”

“With ice?” She asks, and she’s dead serious too. Satoru’s cracking up now and you’re about to spazz, why the fuck would you want warm ass sprite?

“Yes!” You stress out then moving to sit back down, god you know it’s late and she’s just trying to do her job but is she dumb?

“Is that all?”

“Yes.” He replies back to her.

“Okay, second window.”

“You’re so mean.” He laughs out, hitting the gas to drive the car forward. You dig through your backpack to search for your wallet, pulling out a ten dollar note, the one time you have cash on you and it’s going right into Wendy’s hands.

“Hi, 9.80.” The young woman says as she opens the drive-thru window.

“Here.” You pass him the bill and he takes it, his own debit card already between his fingertips.

“I got it. Thanks though." He hands her his card, giving you the bill back and she moves to process the transaction.

“I was going to pay for it…”

“It’s like ten dollars, It's cool.” He waves you off. Guess money is not a problem for him then, what a gentleman…bare minimum but you’re starting to love it here.

“You forgot to get a drink.”

“Thank you, just a moment.” She hands him his card back.

“Can I share with you?”

“Sure…” You had to stop yourself from making a face at that, he can drink off you but can’t kiss you? Oh the fucking logic.

“You get five sips.”

“I paid for it!”

“You wouldn’t let me!”

“I’m taking thirty sips, just sit back and look pretty.” You’re going to punch him one day…

“You should have got a sweet tea…” he says.

“Ew…with fries?”

“Whaaaa!? Sweet tea is the best.”

“No. Just No.” You shake your head in disgust, how could he drink that? How!?

“You were just about to get an ice coffee, what do you mean!?”

“That’s not the same!”

“You’re right, it’s worse. Freaky ass combo.”

“You’re the freak.” Because ain’t no way he just about ate you off the bone not even an hour ago and is calling you the freak.

“Hell no, you are!” He laughs, and just as you’re about to clap back the drive-thru window opens again with the young woman passing him your drink and the bag of food.

“Thank you, thank you.” He says sweetly to her and she’s charmed. Poor thing, you can’t even blame her. His charm already worked on you too, that’s how your ass ended up here now.

“Are we parking here?” You ask as he hands you the food, you put the drink down in the cup holder.

“No, I got a spot nearby. I wanna spark up.”

“Okay.” You say going with the flow, you could do a blunt with your meal.

Where he ends up taking you isn’t even a secret. It’s a parking lot right behind the old post office building that you’ve been to plenty of times freshman year when you and your then circle of friends were too scared to smoke on campus out of fear of getting caught.

“I’ve been here before.” You say looking around, it’s still dark and creepy out here as before and you can barely make out anything in the distance with his car tints being so dark.

“With who? This my spot.”

“Definitely not your spot.” You say smart, everybody knows this spot.

“Pass me the raw’s in there.” He points to the glove department on your side and you go to open it.

“You don’t have a wood?”

“I think I got one left...you don’t smoke papers?” Digging in the middle console box.

“Not at all…unless it's a King Palm.”

“Y'all girls love those. Only one gas station out here sells them, tired of driving up there.” Damn…what bitch got him complaining?

“You got something flat like a notebook I can use? I gotta roll this real quick.” Finding the backwood pack he pulls a small mylar bag out too that has the bud in it.

“You can use this.” You give him a spiral notebook that you don't care about out of your bag and he takes it, putting it in his lap. Honestly, just watching him roll is making you horny. It isn’t even the action, but the movement of his fingers is what’s doing it for you. He’s licking the blunt now putting it together, you’re watching him like a hawk and he’s letting you, too concentrated on the task at hand. You need something else to look at before your panties get wet.

“You want your nuggets?” Reaching for the fries in the bag, just as you were about to fuck them up you find they’re cold to the touch. Disgusting!

“I'll eat them late–”

“The fries are cold.”

“For real? You want to go back?”

“It’s past three…” You sigh, looking at the time on the dash.

“Damn, you can eat mine then. I’m not that hungry.”

“Thanks.” You say sadly…but you hate spicy food so you roll the bag up and chuck it away. Reaching for your drink now you take a few sips and just as you’re about to speak again your phone vibrates, a FaceTime call from Utahime. You quickly hit decline but she calls right back.

“I got to answer this.”

“Go ahead.” Still busy working on the blunt.

“Utahime, you’re on speaker.” You get out quickly before she says something wild.

“Girl I don’t give a fuck, where you at?” She says, there’s commotion in the background, people around her talking and the noise of the Pandora bracelets she always wears jingling in the microphone.

“I’m at Wendy’s.” You lie, and you hear Satoru snicker.

“You’re lying. I got your location. Who are you with?”

“Why are you so nosey?”

“Nosey!? You told me you were going to be at the library ‘cause you had all this homework to do and not even an hour or so later I see you were over at West!”

“And I did finish, so what’s up?”

“Then why are you not home? Who are you with?” She’s yelling now, too drunk off her ass to hear herself and you have half the mind to hang up in her face again.

“I’m out ‘boutta smoke real quick, mind your business!” You try to turn the volume down but she’s still loud as hell, stupid ass iPhone.

“Bye girl, I know you’re with that fucking boy! Satoru! Bring my bitch home right the fuck now!”

“I’m hanging up.” You end the call right in her face. She’s so dramatic, but you can tell she’s more so upset that you ditched her, not the fact that you’re with him.

“Here.” He passes you back your notebook, finished with rolling the blunt, and to your surprise it’s pearled to perfection. Oh you really do love it here for real now.

“I don’t know how you live with that girl…” he starts, pulling out a lighter to light the blunt then blowing the flame out.

“...she’s got a crazy mouth on her.” He takes his first two hits then passes it to you and you hold it between your finger tips.

“She’s not that bad, she’s just playing.” But he’s speaking facts though, she’s a firecracker when she wants to be but you’d never chop it up with him about it.

“How!? She just cussed you out?”

“She ain't cuss me out.” You suck your teeth, Utahime knows you’ll knock her ass out. Whatever beef they have got him bitching.

“That is one scary little girl.” He shakes his head laughing, you take your hits then pass it back. Reaching for the sprite to soothe your throat.

“I’ll tell her you said that.” You tease, because don’t call my bestie scary or little!

“Don’t. Please. I do not need to hear her mouth.” He begs. You laugh at that because seriously, why is he so fucking scared.

“Then don’t poke the bear.” You joke. He passes you the blunt instead of responding and you happily accept it. Already feeling it in your system, this has got to be Yuuji's stuff, he really does have the best gas on campus. You want to ask what’s the deal between the two of them, all four of them even. But you don’t want to ruin this moment. Men lie so you’ll have to get it out of one of the girls eventually, you know it.

Time goes on as the two of you smoke, he’s rambling on about something his friends got into earlier this morning but you’ve already checked out of the conversation, you don’t give a fuck about them boys. His car is cozy and you feel warm and dizzy high off the blunt so you just let him talk as you sit and watch him with the biggest heart eyes on your face.

He’s so handsome…you could sit and listen to him talk for days. You’d happily play your role as his little listener if it meant getting your homework done and smoked out every night with dick on the side. Every time his hands drop to his lap your eyes travel down with them...you’ll eat his dick right now if you could and the more he talks the more you want too then before you know it you’re leaning in closer.

“What…?” He stops midspeech to look at you.

“Nothing…I’m listening.”

“What I say then?” He sinks down lower in his seat, his legs spreading further apart and wow just wow. You just might be a slut tonight, because the only thing on your mind right now is giving him head. He should know your ass was not listening!

“I don’t know.” There’s no point in lying, he could have been plotting to kidnap you the whole time and you wouldn’t have known.

“Because you weren’t listening.” He laughs.

“So?”

“Why you come closer then?” He tries instead, you can tell he’s baiting you but you’re trying to avoid answering.

“So I can listen.”

“But you’re not…so what’s up?” He takes a hand to lift your chin up to face him and you have no choice but to let him as you lean yourself up on the center console. You hate them so much, you wish cars didn’t have them, he’s still so far away.

“What? Tell me?” He continues pressing, you want it but you don’t want to say it out loud. Communicating…you’re good at it when you need to but when it comes to something like this you clam up.

“Whatever it is…I might already know.” He says smoothly, a challenging look in his eyes and you know better than to look away. You want it so bad. You’re almost there.

“What then?” You say, if he can bait you then you can too.

“You can say it. Stop being shy.” He moves to place a thumb on your bottom lip. Man, fuck it then.

“I want to suck it…”

“Yeah?” He pushes his thumb further parting your lips. He’s such a flirt, you should bite his finger off for it but it’s time to play nice.

“Mhm…” You wrap your lips around it instead, boy’s always tell you how good they look, you hope he thinks the same.

“Don’t let me stop you then…” He lets up off you and that’s all you need to be told to get down to work. He pushes the driver's seat back to give room to slide his pants and boxers down and as you come closer leaning over the center console, you can feel your knees digging into the edge of your seat as you reach to take him in your hand. It’s about to be your first time giving him top and you need to show out.

You don’t know what you like more, the sound of your mouth as you slurp him up or the clacking of your acrylic nails as you work his dick. He’s moaning now and you definitely like the sound of that better than whatever Bryson Tiller track is playing on the stereo.

He’s saying something to you but you can’t make out what it is, you’re too focused on sucking him off. He’s got one hand gripping your hair as you bob up and down, the other still holding the blunt and you pray none of that hot ash gets on you.

“You don’t have to be gentle…” He moans out as you come up to the tip again.

“Huh?” You’re taken aback by that, aren’t you already doing your best?

“Lemme show you...” He moves to hold the blunt between his lips then takes your hand to wrap both his and yours around him. “Squeeze the tip…like this…there you go.” He breathes out, you’re doing just as he directs and you swear you just heard his toes crack.

“Suck it while you do it too.”

Your mouth is back on him and you got him moaning like a bitch now, you might not be textbook smart when it comes to physics but if it’s one thing he can teach you right it’s how to suck his dick.

“Hold on…” he breathes, the blunt leaving his lips as he holds it between his fingers. The hand in your hair is gripping tighter now and you love having it tugged on.

“Fuck— you still want your drink?”

“No.” You pull off. An audible pop sound when you do too. He reaches under you for the cup. Hand still wrapped around his dick, you move to the side for him to get it. Taking the cup he drops the blunt inside and motions you to come back towards him.

Leaning back over you start up again, this time two hands coming to hold your hair up as you suck him. The more he moans the wetter you get and it's tonight you realize you actually love giving head, he’s doesn't even know how lucky he is.

“Pull these down.” He breathes out, moving to tug at the waistline of your pants. They're a tight fit, so they're not coming off easy.

“I got it…” You figure he wants to squeeze your butt while you give him top, so you move to do what he asks. Shimmying your cargos down then taking your shoes off he takes a handful of your ass and brings you closer to him, you’re completely hunched over the console at this point, your elbows digging into his thighs. Just as you’re about to protest being uncomfortable in this position you feel your thong being pushed to the side and his fingers slipping through your wet pussy. He’s finger fucking you like crazy now, didn’t even give a bitch a warning before he does it. Task at hand now lost, your slump over him moaning out his name with your ass tooted up as he continues curling his fingers deep in you.

“Fuck— shit…toru…wait!”

“Uh-uh…” He breathes out hot, slapping your ass on the last syllable too with his other hand. He’s hella deep now, digging dangerously close towards your cervix, you’d go back to sucking him off but your mind is spinning, nothing but the sound of your moans and the squish of your pussy as he fucks his fingers in and out of you is pleasing him.

Your pussy is soaked, sloppier than the mess you made all over his dick and he better stop before he makes a mess he can’t clean up. You can feel it coming on…the pressure of his fingers in you is just too sweet and he’s about to fuck around and find out if he doesn’t quit it.

“Toru…” You moan out, you’re holding onto the side of the car door, grabbing his thighs, gripping his knees, anything at this point to hold yourself up.

“Take it baby…you got it.” He slaps your ass again, he’s been so rough with you tonight and it’s turning you on even further.

“I can’t!” You nearly shout, even if anyone could hear you there’s no one in the parking lot too.

“You can, don’t tap out on me just yet.”

You throw your hair out of your face with that, don’t tap out…it’s fucking hot in here. You’ll die before you cum if he doesn’t crack open a window.

“Wet ass pussy, you gonna let me eat it again?”

“Yes!”

“Or you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes!”

“Pick one.” Bitch…both options sound great. Who the hell are you to choose? You can’t even think straight enough to answer that stupid question, he’s about to make you cum if he doesn't stop.

“Pick one.” He says again, and all you can do is babble out his name, two fingers still curling up in you and you swear by the end of this your pussy is going to be through till the weekend.

“Toru!” That feeling from before is coming back…a pressure that’s building up again.

“Yes baby? I’m listening.” Oh my god that made your pussy sing, the way he talks to you drives you crazy. His dick is rock hard and he won’t stop the pace he’s at fucking his fingers into you. It’s as if watching you come undone is what’s getting him off.

“You know, you’re such a princess when you’re not being mean…” he starts, and your ears perk up at the pet name.

“You cum on my fingers, I’ll let you slide for that lil attitude you had with me.”

“Toru…” You whine out, it’s not cumming that he needs to be worried about it’s—

“Fuck!” You feel his fingers leave you before you know it and you’re squirting all over his hand, down your legs, and onto his car seat. You don’t know if you should be embarrassed by yourself or mortified that you just soiled thousand dollar car seats.

“Shit— Wait wait hold on—”

“Huh?” Is all he says, wiping his hand on the back of your thigh then shifting to lift you up so you move to fall back into the passenger seat, you can feel the spot you soaked right underneath you and it’s fucking gross.

“It’s wet! It got all on your—”

“Get in the back.” He goes to pull his pants back up, then looks at you waiting for you to make a move. You know that look…you’re about to get fucked!

The car is wide enough for you to hop in the back instead of getting out and back in like he has too. He’s in the back with you now, waiting for you to sit in his lap so you move to completely take your thong off and the hoodie too.

“Don’t worry about the mess, I’ll get a detail soon…” He grips you at the waist as he takes you into his lap. His dick is flushed red against his stomach and you can’t wait to sit on it. You move your arms to wrap them behind his neck as you lift yourself up for him to slip his dick into you.

He fucks you nice and rough this time, holding your body close against his chest, gripping your hair and breathing your name hot in your ear while he does it too. Bouncing on his dick like this is going to make you cum quick and he knows it, he's already had you like this before.

“Toru!” You moan out. Getting dicked down in the backseat of his car was not how you thought your Thursday night would go when you woke up this morning. He’s deep in your guts and your mind is going crazy getting fucked down every single inch of him. Your high is already blown, the car is rocking now. This shit is getting wild.

“You still have an attitude?” He breathes out, looking you right in the eye as he says it too. You move to lay your head into the crook of his neck, but he pushes you to lean against the backside of the driver's seat. Your thighs are sore now and you’re scared you’re going to fall but you know he won’t drop you.

“You love this dick?”

“Yes!” You moan. What’s the use in lying acting like you don’t? He grabs your ass then, gripping one cheek in his hand with the other arm wraps around your back as he pushes you closer towards him.

“Show me then.” He slaps your ass, then grips you, letting his hand guide you as he bounces you on his dick.

“Get up when I say…” He moans out, you can hear that he’s close but you need to cum first.

“Oh my god, toru I can’t…I can’t I can’t.” You cry out. With how sore your thighs are you don’t even think you can get up. You hope he’s strong enough to get you off him before he busts.

His hips are snapping quicker now, he’s close and you are too.

“Up. Get Up.” He growls, pushing you up off his dick. Using his thumb he works to rub at your clit and you’re so fucking grateful for it. Looking down you see he’s pumping his dick, cumming all over his knuckles with some of it getting right onto your pussy. You’re cumming too now, thighs shaking as you do. You’re breathless. The hardest you’ve ever came fucking him thus far.

You’re done. You’re fucking done. You can’t take it anymore. You’re done!

“Fuck girl! Damn.” He breathes out, lifting you up to try and push you to the side. Moving over you take a seat next to him, god damn it’s hot in here.

“Check if there’s napkins in the bag. I got…shit I got it all over me.”

“Yeah…” He slaps your ass as you get up to reach for the bag sitting on the floor of the passenger seat. There’s a couple in there, you reach in the bag to pass him a few then lay a couple down on the seat where it’s still damp. Pushing yourself over the console to sit back in the front, you get your pants back on then try your best to get the rest of yourself back together. There’s no point in putting your thong back on, wearing them would feel way worse than the rough fabric of the cargos against your coochie.

Smoothing your hair down you hear him get back into the driver's seat. His pants are back on but he’s looking just as fucked out as you do, if not worse. Drake’s Spin Bout U is playing and he’s bopping to the beat.

Fuck your main page, what’s your Finsta? I wanna know the real you

You started dancin to pay your tuition, girl, I wanna know what you been through

You want a boutique or you wanna sell hair, just let me know what you into

“If you out in public and he want your number, just tell him my man’ll spin you!” He raps, playfully poking your shoulder. Looks like someone’s in a good mood now that they just nutted.

You swat his hand away and just before you can say something smart to him the sound of a FaceTime call cuts off the music, looking at the dash you see it’s a group call from The One’s and he presses the green button to answer it.

“Yoooooo! Gojo, where you at?” It's Sukuna’s voice. Please god, give you a fucking break.

“I’m out.” He says, turning the engine on.

“Out where?”

“He’s at the spot. I’m looking at his lo’ now.” You hear a voice sounding like Choso’s come through.

“The spot? With who? Bet not be with that one girl.” You make a face now…because who are they talking about?

“What girl, the tall one?” Choso asks, and before Satoru can reply Sukuna cuts in.

“Nah the new one.”

“Uhhhh—” His eyes widen at that.

“Her!? Gojo, you start talking to her yet?”

“Talk to her? Man, he already fucked her!” Sukuna laughs and your jaw fucking drops. What the hell! You turn to Satoru now, you’re about to knock his ass out if he doesn’t hang up the call right now but you know better than to speak up in hopes Sukuna doesn’t hear you. Whoever’s on the call is laughing now, you think you make out three voices.

“Man, Gojo…you gotta chill bro. Naoya texted me saying it’s a whole bunch of noise coming from the dorm asking if it’s me, I tell him nah bro, I’m not in there right now. Next thing I know he call me laughing, he's telling me some girl is in there getting cracked and she's loud as hell—”

Oh my god…your eyes are popping out their damn sockets now.

“I tell him nah bro, that’s my man Gojo. Y’all…this fool texted me a video of him standing outside the door recording as If I really want to hear that shit. I swear, something's fucking wrong with that kid.”

They’re all laughing again now and all you can do is just sit there and take it to the chin. Naoya…that furious beast looking mother fucker…ain’t no fucking way this is happening to you.

“Gojo, you got the entire floor group chat jumping with that shit—” Nah, you’ve heard enough, you’re seeing red now so you take it upon yourself to hang the call up.

“SATORU, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!” You scream, god you’re so fucking mad your head is about to spin.

“Why are you screaming at me for I ain’t even do anything!” He doesn’t even sound serious when he says it, he’s laughing…he’s actually fucking laughing

“You think that shits funny!?”

“No no no…It’s not–”

“Bro!? Yes you do! Oh my god—” You need to calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Breathe!

“You sat there and let him say all that shit about me! Satoru I swear to god, I’ma fuck you up, text him right now to delete that bullshit!”

“Alright. Alright. Alright. Chill. Chill. Chill.”

“No! Y’all fucking chill! All y’all do is ran y’all mouths talking about bitches, that’s so fucking childish!”

“What yo!? You probably let Utahime and your friends talk mad shit about us and I don’t say anything.”

“Are you serious!? Satoru, that is in no way comparable to what the fuck they just did!”

“But you ain’t denying it though!”

“What yo!? Shut up! All bitches talk shit about their girl friends hoe’s—” Oop, now you know you fucked up the second that word came out your mouth.

“Oh, so I’m just one of your hoe’s now?” He says sarcastically, his entire demeanor switching at that. You feel bad, but watching his face pull into a sad scowl is kind of funny.

“My bad…I aint even mean it like that.” You can’t hide the amusement in your voice either, the girls are going to piss themselves when you get around to telling them this. He looks pissed too, y’all can call it even now

“Yeah? Then how you mean it?” He puts the car in reverse, backing out of the space to drive off.

“What are you actually mad!?” Because no way he’s in his feelings over this. It was not that deep.

“I’m not one of your hoes.”

Yeah boy, okay!

“Then what are you?”

“You tell me.”

“Coulda swore I already did.” You say smart back, you can tell he’s not really mad, but if he is then he needs to tighten the fuck up.

“Put your address in. I’m taking your lil mean ass home.” He hands you his phone and you snatch it.

Y’all both ain’t shit.

[wild-at-mind]

CN- discussion of self harm

I'm getting blanked by the guy I fell out with who runs the LGBTQ meetup group. So that's fun. :( It's probably better than my other worry which is that he would act like nothing is wrong and he didn't do anything, just coming up and talking like nothing happened. I'm actually not sure what I wanted to happen. But definitely not that. I guess the blanking is much better than that but it fucking sucks.

I keep having to explain the whole situation to people because I know how it sounds if you just say 'he sent me a message explicitely blaming me for our mutual friend wanting to self harm after I sent her a critical email'. People of course go right to 'what on earth was in that email?'. Well, it was criticism of the way she ran the LGBTQ group (she was co-runner until fairly recently). It was specifically after she had emailed me to say she had walked back a decision she had already made to ban this fucking transmisogynist woman from the group. We had been going over the same points for weeks, and she (mutual friend who runs the group) just kept defaulting to saying we can't do anything because there's not enough evidence/x didn't report the problem in the exact perfect way. Meanwhile there's an entire whisper network of trans women warning new trans woman members not to meet up with transmisogynist woman, whose MO is to keep the TERF shit quite in the group but arrange to meet trans women from group one on one and 'debate' them. We now have many accounts of this happening. People have now stopped bothering to report because nothing gets fucking done. I would be fucking ASHAMED if that was happening in a group I ran. Mutual friend should have stepped down from running the group a long time ago- she was having a bad time mental health wise and it meant she was taking all criticism of the group extremely personally. I had weeks of trying to do constructive feedback with her and it was horrible every time. I persevered though because now I was really worried we were going to end up with a situation where no one could criticise the group at all in case of upsetting her. And eventually that's what happened of course- my email where I was fucking angry that they had once again decided that TERF woman can stay hit her wrong and she had a mental health episode, during which guy who runs the group had to talk her down from self harming.

Of course I emphathise with this and never want anyone to go through that. I am really sorry she was in such a bad place because of my email and I am glad she is stepping down for her mental health. The problem is with guy who runs the group, who I guess she reached out to while tempted to self harm. Because he apparently is a brand new 40 year old human being who has never dealt with mental health crises in others before (would that we could all be so fortunate), he assumed that if my email triggered our friend really badly, the email itself and therefore me who wrote it must be at fault for our friend's condition. She had been very unwell for months, maybe years, but no it was my fucking fault. In my own mental health struggles I've been triggered by all sorts of things that I recognise were not anybody's fault, and had massive out of proportion reactions to things that should have been fine to say to me. I don't blame anyone else for my shit, and I would hope that no one around me would either.

Being suddenly hit with the news that he considered me to blame for my friend's condition, by PM on a normal night a few weeks ago, really messed with my head. I was so shocked that I admit I grovelled a little to him. He was magnanimous. We talked about the group's future. I had no reason to believe he was angry at me at this point. I was in a bad place myself after this and went on to talk to a lot of people that evening, trying to sense check what had happened. Everyone I spoke thought him telling me that was wrong, and one person read the email that supposedly triggered this and said it was fine.

Then I slept on it, and the next morning I was angry with him. I messaged him and said it was wrong to tell me I was the cause of my friend having to be talked down from self harming, because treating self harm as though there is one direct cause that leads to it happening is damaging and manipulative, especially when the supposed cause is a person's actions. I never heard back, and we haven't spoken since. So that, weirdly, is what I think is the cause of him cutting me out. Because I dared criticise his behaviour. It can't be his perception of my actions towards our friend, because like I said, we were fine when I was still grovelling.

It's weird because while he is autistic, he always made a big thing about how he wanted to improve his social interaction, claiming he often asked people for feedback on how he was doing. I never actually heard him do this though, and we were at a lot of social events together, so I would have known if he had. Arguably it's not other people's responsibility to help him out, but if he had ever asked me I think I would have done so. I guess I saw giving him feedback on this interaction in a similar way. Perhaps naively, I had assumed because he puts it out there that he asks for feedback, he is ok with that feedback being potentially negative, and not wanting it sugar coated as that's not how you improve. But now I'm thinking maybe he considers himself as a finished product these days, who needed help with social interaction when he was younger but not any more. I literally ended up googling 'is it ok to blame someone else for someone self harming' because my head was everywhere with this. If he had done this too maybe he would have realised because every single answer you'll find is 'no it's not ok, don't do it'.

I hadn't seen him since that happened a few weeks ago but we were both at the same community event for the eco stuff round here. He blanked me every time we happened to walk past each other. I ended up crying to a few different people, not because I'm sad to lose his friendship (I am, but am coming to terms with it), but because of what it represents for me and the LGBTQ community here. He runs all the events, and will always be at them. I could barely go to a town event that we both happened to be at without breaking down, so obviously I cannot go to the small meetup events where he will be. During the group feedback talks I had with our mutual friend, I told her many times I wanted to take some of the responsbility from her, that I cared, that I wanted to help as I could see she was struggling...she wouldn't relinquish a single responsibility and rejected every offer of help. Now she's stepped down, the guy has been joined by 3 new people to help run things and none of them are me. I don't want to do this role any more after everything that's happened of course, but I can't help but interpret it all as a rejection of my help, my usefulness, my place in the community. I think that's why I feel so bereft, so shunned. I worked so hard to socialise more and make local LGBTQ friends and connections after years of isolating myself, and I had been really getting there. Now that has all gone. I feel like I have lost something huge. :'(

[midorismorningsessions]

before proceeding, listen to the full episode here:

as i write this, i seriously do not know the question to this answer. having reeled from the loss of a friend to the perils of a staggered thesis writing journey coupled with random reminiscences of past memories while working on my narrative report, as well as the inherent final projects needed to be accomplished, made for a turbulent first few weeks of the new year for me. i think i might've fallen into a major depressive episode.

i decided to deactivate my facebook account so i won't have to recall these memories he left me dealing with, but everytime i turn up to school for the most random of reasons, i find myself just catching all the sadness this world ever has to give me. i've hesitated to come back since. or even turn my focus to these impending projects i still needed to finish. i just can't put my heart out into these projects. not when i'm still getting myself together, both as an individual student and the person a lot of people count on.

sure, i may have a long list of things i've wanted to do after school ends by this year. pursuing music full-time, teaching at the same department that has broken my heart and left me devastated twice, streaming myself playing valorant with an ever-cursing mouth, writing more and more pieces and essays about my experiences in life, producing and hosting a podcast about these same experiences, they have all crossed my mind. but nothing will ever replace the constant loneliness i have been feeling since time immemorial, a feeling that was once filled by my now-former college bestfriend, currently busy with the most important project he has undertaken yet—his own thesis.

i kind of don't like calling him that. but he has since grown cold as ice, not just towards me, but everybody else he has probably ever known. that excludes his own friends, ones that he encounters and spends time with everyday. these lucky bastards. that may be too much of a word to say, but they're lucky enough not to bear the brunt of losing a friend. they're lucky they will never grieve over losing someone so important to their lives, despite them being very much alive and kicking.

we never ended on a bad note, he said to me one time. so you don't need to block me. but knowing myself, i will definitely have the urge to tell him about random stuff, my adventures, my thesis, internship and everything in between. i did it for my own sake. of fucking course, it'll leave me haunting for days and weeks on end. and i did it time and again.

i told him about what i have been feeling in the brunt of all this in a lengthy rant on our messenger chats. i couldn't pretend any longer. i wasn't fine with everything happening at all. i wasn't fine with him being cold, or him deactivating. hell, he even told me that i could just dump everything and he'll read them all, but i couldn't do that now. i don't know if he even reads the rest of the emails i sent him. however, he read the first one that i sent in early january, saying that i didn't want to bother him any longer as he keeps himself busy with work and graduate school. i still had hope, but it has since faded with each passing day as i see him spending his time happily with his true friends.

i was never one of these friends. although he has been telling me that i am one of his for keeps friends, i don't know if that is even true anymore. he has been with me for all of my major milestones in the past year, but i couldn't even cheer him up in his most turbulent time yet. i don't know if he still considers me as a friend, or a phase now enamored by our respective personal endeavors.

i don't know where to go from here. that's the most obvious answer. i don't even know if i'll be able to graduate in about six months time. i don't know if i'll be able to survive this phase at all.

⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠—⁠

today's ending theme is 5 seconds of summer's amnesia from 5 seconds of summer. enjoy listening!

[boredliondisorder]

I've been down for a while, and I don't really see myself improving. I'm waiting for the fog to lift, but it's really stubborn this time. I spend most of my time sleeping lately.

I think the worst hit was when I sent an inquiry to a voice actor with an offer that was way above the normal rate to record Shadecursed as an audiobook and he didn't respond. I dunno. It doesn't really seem like a long shot when the offer is far more than most audiobook narrators get paid, and it would have been nice to at least get a reply instead of crickets.

He was really the only person I wanted to do it, too. So I don't know if Shadecursed will ever be an audiobook at this point. I just can't hear someone else doing it, and hiring someone through some of the services out there is a complete crapshoot. Sometimes you get an amazing voice actor, but most of the time you get shit. And I just don't want to hire shit.

It's another case of people in my field just not taking me seriously. I don't know what I have to do to become valid. It seems like I've been trying my whole life, but I'm always fighting against a current. I'm tired. And I can't seem to pick myself up this time and keep trying.

I haven't really posted about this much, because I hate the attention I get just when I post that I'm down. I don't want that. I want something to change. I want to figure out what I've been doing wrong. I want people to want to work with me. To reach out and be like "hey, let's collab."

I'm happy for other people this works out for. But I want to know what they're doing that I'm not. What about me makes it so hard to connect with people?

I used to spend a couple days not feeling so great, then I'd pick myself up and try again. But I haven't done anything creative in a couple weeks, and I don't see myself improving. My book launch wasn't great, and I can't see the point in working on book 2 if that book's just going to fail, too. Why put the time in? Why bother for the 20 people who'll read it? And why bother if the narrator I want to do it won't even reply?

Why don't I get to be successful?

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how much longer I'll last. I've had a lot of thoughts lately about painless ways to end my life. I actually have a medication that'll work really well. And there's the old standby of going out to stand in the cold until hypothermia sets in. This is just ideation. I haven't really gotten to the stage where I'm going to do anything, but I've really been considering it. In fact, I already have the auto-response email written because I don't plan on posting before I do anything this time.

There's too many people who only reach out when I'm feeling like shit, and they always talk me out of it. And then once they have me out of crisis, they vanish and I never hear from them again. So this time I'm just going to put the message in my email, maybe schedule a few posts, and then just fucking do it.

I need something to give. I need people to reach out. I need to know I mean something, or why is life even worth living? It's not. I can't see any value in it. And at this point, I really don't even want to try anymore.

[gencat21]

Unexpected • Lee Taeyong (1)

(I did not give the boyfriend a name, not worth it haha.)

Autumn is just beautiful, watching the trees turn orange and how the floor was often full of their leaves was the most pretty and annoying thing for you. You love the cold breeze hitting your face, love the taste of coffee on your tongue, and love walking peacefully with your boyfriend talking about how your day has gone before going to the next class in half an hour. "I may be getting a good job as a music teacher. My piano teacher has been recommending me to a lot of people and after winning that competition last summer I've been getting a lot of emails. Also, a company contacted me, and they are interested in the songs I've written." You explain with enthusiasm, while he observed you with that smile of his.

"My little future Beethoven. Everybody wants you. But not as much as I do." He gets closer to kiss your forehead sweetly, but your thoughts are somewhere else, keeping you to react to his sweetness.

"There's even an offer abroad. Can you believe that?"

His smile turn softly to a straight line while he looks at you in disbelief. He wanted to smile for you, but he can't fake a smile. "Are you really considering that one?"

"It's on the states, but it's the best offer I've ever gotten."

"You really are, wow." He steps backward and laughs ironically. "I mean so little to you that you take that decision without even consulting it with me?" And your mouth fells open at how mad he was getting by the second. You were expecting to see him happy for you, after all it was an offer that you couldn't turn down.

"You don't have to get mad about this," you say sweetly so he would calm down, but he was looking somewhere else with a frown, which was starting to make you mad as well. "I have time to think about until graduation but I won't be turning that one down just because you want me to."

"How can you be so selfish?" And with that your sweet side disappear in the thin air. He was really saying that to you as if he wasn't thinking about his own words and you think it's useless to talk to him right now because he was getting madder.

"I have classes right now."

"Your class starts in 25 minutes."

"Well, I left a piano in the dance room, and the teacher needs it." That's wasn't a lie. So you take your leave trying to brush your boyfriend off your mind, but you were still thinking about the conversation you just had. "Calling me selfish when he was being selfish too, who does he even think he is? He's not my father, is the freaking crazy." You ramble while walking obviously mad to the practice room hating the fact that you left it there this morning. Why did you agree to play piano on the ballet presentation one week away? Yes, it was going to make everything more beautiful, but now you had more things to do.

You find Ten on the way and stop ranting to approach him without saying anything. You hold his wrist and continue walking, deciding by yourself that he was going to help you to move the keyboard from one side of campus to the other. "Why are you so mad today? Are you going to kill me?" He asks with that smile you loved and hated, he smiles way too much. A beautiful smile like that should be totally illegal.

"I hate men,"

"Are you becoming lesbian now?"

"No, women judge way too much. I hate them as well." You end up saying and laugh because of the conversation.

"Where are you taking me? Our class is the other way."

"Just help me move the keyboard, I will pay you back with fruit."

"But I hate fruits,"

"I know,"

"If you give me fruits I will throw it at you. But I'll accept tea." You like him as a friend. You've always wondered why you both weren't actually closer since he was a sweet and nice person to be around. But you had two different lives, so you just were glad that you both had a lot of classes in common, and that was enough for you. He made classes shorter by sitting with you, and you were thankful. Shortly, you both arrive at the building, and from that distance, you could hear the loud music playing in the dance room. The closer you got, the louder it was. The door was partially open, so you carefully approach the door to spy on whoever was dancing inside.

Inside the dance, room was a guy moving his body to the rhythm of the music. You never had the talent to dance that upbeat kind of music, leaving classical music as your cup of tea, but doesn't change the fact that you wish you could dance the way he can. Ten behind you peeks for a second as well and then taps your shoulder to get your attention. "Y/n, we need to go." Reminding you that your walk back was not short. Sadness covers your eyes since you wanted to see the end of the choreography, even if it was only the guy's back you were seeing. but you know he's right. Your eyes travel to Ten, who just shrugs at you. Suddenly the music stops.

His familiar face was turned to your direction, glancing at you with nothing more than a frown. "Who gave you the right to spy me?" His voice sends shivers down your spine because of how pissed he was of being spied.

"I wasn't," you step inside and your index finger points to your piano in a corner, his eyes follow your finger and then he looks again at you.

"Take it quick and leave, you're wasting my time." You avoid his gaze since it was a little intimidating sometimes. You've been used to seeing that guy for... As long as you can remember. For some strange reason, your paths are the same. Same high school, and weirdly, same art school. But you've never heard his voice until now, you've never had the chance to have a conversation, and you never wanted to. He's always had the bad boy aura, and you wanted nothing to do with it. He's always been the pretty bad boy that you made sure not to cross paths with, even though it was impossible

You know he never noticed you before, and hat even when he was a bad boy you had nothing to worry about because your social life was completely different. Until now that his scary gaze was following you around the room, watching your every move and that makes you uneasy. For a reason, they named him the scary pretty guy back on your school days. "Are you going to be here all day?" Ten asks Taeyong casually, you forgot they were friends for a moment there, but it was luck to you, since for that reason he stopped looking at you.

"Almost, we'll be waiting for you. Jaehyun and Johnny are on their way here right now, Mark went out a couple minutes ago."

"I have piano classes right now and then I will be free," he picks up your keyboard while you silently take the stand and make your way out of the room, glad that Ten distracted Taeyong. "See you in two hours." You hear him say, followed by him leaving the room behind you. You felt you could finally breathe, surprised that as soon as he stare at you, your breathing stop. He was breathtakingly handsome, but that was not the reason why you felt like that. Was the bad boy aura he has. "He just hates people seeing his choreographies when is not finished." Ten explain to you due to the silence that you hold.

"I don't care," you don't.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

8:23 pm says your phone when a text message pops up. You gasp in shock, realizing that you had been there longer than expected. It was normal for you to lose track of time when you were composing, but this time the hours really went by quicker than expected. You parted ways with Ten at five when your class ended, by staying in the piano classroom and played until the message from your boyfriend brought you back to reality. You slowly pick up your stuff, throwing your phone inside your bag not wanting to even read his text. But as soon as you step out of the building, your phone starts to vibrate, letting you know you had a call.

Annoyed, you look for your phone on your bag to see him calling you. "Yes?"

"I'm in the parking lot, let me take you home." His normal sweet voice appears on the other side, you roll your eyes in response as if he could see you. You just stayed silent on the entrance looking at your feet. "Or at least let's talk. I can't stand the fact of falling asleep while being mad at each other." Not standing the silence anymore. "Please."

"Sure, see you in a bit." The walk to the parking lot was the shortest walk you've ever had on the campus, you did not want to talk about anything right now because you were starting to see the real him. The not very supportive one, the one that may hold you back on a future. That may be the real one, and you were not ready to actually meet him. But you have to. His figure is against his car in the parking lot where there were only two cars, his and another way a few lots to the right. His eyes were on you the whole walk to his car, and you dont know what to feel about it. "Look, I thought about it,"

"Are you staying?"

" I—” you stop talking realizing you were about to raise your voice after that, and take a deep breath. "I will not make that decision right now, but I want you to be on my side and understand me instead of being against me. This is my future we're talking about in here.” you express your feeling, glad that he was listening to you in silence. " Do you understand?"

"But you can have a nice future, what is the matter with staying here?" He does not understand

"I do not know what I will do," you argue. "I just want you to be on my side not matter what decision I make."

"You will stay here with me." He says, as it was so easy, but the way he says it just bothered you. The demanding tone gets on your nerves.

"Stop saying it like that, you don't get to choose what I will do. This is my life."

"Oh, I see. You want to break up with me and fuck every single dude you see, like you went to fuck that guy instead of actually going to class?"

"What are you ta—"

"You thought I didn't see you leaving me alone to go for a guy? And you were still here when is not usual for you to be here? I went to your apartment and your roommate told me you were here. What were you doing?" Your expression shifts to one of disbelief and hurt.

"I can't believe you think I would do something like that to you," saying it was harder than thinking about it. A single tear rolls down your cheek, one that you quickly swipe away. "If you think like that, we have to break up. I'm leaving, and do not fucking call me ever again." You spit, then turn around to walk away containing the tears from falling. You do not want to cry near than man to show how weak you were. Obviously, you are weaker than he is.

You just feel the pain on your wrist and how harshly you are turned around to face him, "That hurts!" You whine, not being able to avoid the look he has. You've never seen his so mad, before, even less looking at you. The feeling of not being able to do anything was frustrating as he held your other wrist too. "Let me go, what are you doing?"

"So I'm right? How many guys have you fucked?"

"Let me fucking go!"

"You forgot you were only mine?"

"Fuck you!" You do not know where the strength to say to that man that had you under his control came out from, neither how by instinct your knee fly between his legs and make him let you go without wanting. Your breathing is audible, and you tell yourself to run away but you could not move at all. In shock, you stare at how he falls on the floor and stays there for a minute. Why could you not move? Why you have to stay there when you could run away and disappear somewhere he could not find you? Why do you wait until he stands up again and without thinking slaps your face so hard you fall on the floor? By then, Isn't it too late? Where did the strong Y/n escape to? He walks again to you, so you look for something around you that you could hit him with, but there's nothing. You close your eyes hard, waiting for whatever he is going to do to you, until the sound of a strong punch makes an appearance, and then you see from the corner of your eye how the man ready to hit you is on the floor holding his face with closed eyes. "Taeyong?" You ask yourself, seeing the familiar clothes you saw in the practice room earlier on the day.

You thought you had seen the scariest look on him, but that was not true. Now you could see what he really looks like when he is mad. Meanwhile, he's punching your now ex-boyfriend like his life depended on it. It was not the fact that he was hitting the man you can't say you don't love anymore, but the fact that you hated violence. Throwing punches in a reckless way like a person body was the easiest thing to hurt. "S—stop!" You voice comes out, but you know there was no way that with the sound of punches he heard you. You crawl to where they are and grab Taeyong's hand so he would stop.

He does and stands up so quickly that you barely could see him running to his car, grabbing something and coming out again. Your ex stands up, and follows him until you see him stop abruptly. That clicking sound just sends panic all over your body. "Do not fucking touch her ever again."

"Man, put that down," he says, giving a few steps backward.

"Taeyong, stop that!"

"I will make sure you don't fucking touch her from now on, if you look at her, if you get near her, even if you fucking think of her I will make sure is the last time you ever do." He spits the words out with some much hatred in his voice that you even lost yours. Your mouth moves like it screaming but you can't hear yourself.

From there, you start seeing how everything goes down on slow motion. How you lose sight of what was going on for a second while Ten sees your state and hugs you. Your tears rolling down in desperation wanting everything to just stop. You see how Jaehyun, Johnny, and Mark appear in the scene trying to calm Taeyong, while your ex gets in his car and leaves without even looking at you once. Mark slowly takes the gun, that God knows why he has it on his car, while Johnny holds Taeyong and says things you can't hear nor see, you just glare over Ten's shoulder and let all the tears come out. Your arms hug him when you see that nothing bad really happened besides the bastard having a black eye and bruises on his face. "It's alright," your sense of hearing lets you hear Ten murmuring it to you while your big sobs become little.

Your eyes go to the man that stares at your crying self on the floor. That anger and hatred disappeared out of the blue, now there was an expression that you could not recognize as he took a few slow steps. Your hands softly push Ten away from you, and as a mechanism of defense you back away. "Do not touch me!" You demand at the man that wanted to get near you and check if you were fine. Taeyong just wanted to ignore your words and get near, but your tears and your shaking hand made him stand still.

"I can explain,"

"Y—you don't need to explain anything to me, I don't want to know," you stand up with a great amount of effort since your legs were shaking the same way your whole body was. You forget about your bag, you just wanted to lock yourself on your apartment and forget it all happened. As if it was possible. You knew all the boys you've crossed paths a few times before where looking at your weak figure trying to walk away, and it was the most heartbreaking thing they have seen. Taeyong notices your bag on the floor, but before he could pick it up Ten does. "You've done enough, I will give it to her and take her home."

Mark gets closer to him before the others and places a hand on his shoulder when your figure besides Ten's disappears from their sight. "Let's go,"

Taeyong takes his hand off of his shoulder softly. "Please don't touch me," calmly says before starting to walk to his car.

(Any mistakes I didn't see, please let me know so I can change it. Thank you!)

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLIND (part XXX/XXX)

Summary: Steve brought Bucky to the compound for him to join the Avengers. While some of them welcomed him with smiles, others prefer to judge him for his past. But, could that change?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Genre: angst-fluff

Tags:

Blind:

@goodnightmode @superhero2552 @thejourneyneverendsx @wishingforahome @thefandomzoneisdangerous @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @learisa @onespideyboi @afootnoteinyourhappiness @shirukitsune

Permanent taglist:

@notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack

Warnings: language, angst, a bit chaotic

A/N: this is the last part yayyy! There's an epilogue left, but this is it. Omg it's so long. Enjoy <3.

Blind masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

I didn't know how I had been able to hold back the sobs during my whole way to the lab "Tony" I called him, clenching my jaw stronger with each step I took.

"Where have you been?" he asked confused, but mildly distracted. "Barnes wanted to say goodbye before going with Vision to Toronto."

"we've to talk" my voice cracked slightly with that sentence, and it caused Tony to finally look up at me.

He circled his table and took a couple of hesitant steps towards me "about what?" I had to bite my lower lip to stop it from trembling. "Y/n, what happened?"

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and rested against one of the numerous tables "I received an email from Ross" I started to explain. "a few days ago. It was 'bout what happened during... My latest mission."

"the kids?" he quietly asked, making his way to sit on a desk in front of me.

"he read Steve's report" I kept going, my hands gripping the edge of the table while I did so. "but it's not just that, I got drunk a couple of weeks ago-"

"yeah" he confirmed "Barnes told us"

I nodded and opened my eyes before resuming my explanation "I went to see the two kids' families. I told them it was me."

"wait WHAT?!"

"they filed two law suits against me." Tony's eyes widened "I've just come back from a private trial"

There was a moment of silence before the millionaire spoke again. "what did they tell you" this time, his voice was much quieter, and it was obvious that he was afraid of what I could answer.

I intended to scoff, but it came out accompanied by a sob, which made it sound way worse. "karma's a bitch"

It hadn't been a regular trial.

It couldn't have been a regular trial, because this wasn't a regular crime, and I wasn't a regular person.

I was an Avenger.

An Avenger who —no matter what Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Wanda and Vision could say about it— had murdered two kids.

The trial had been quick, and now it was my time to talk with Ross in private.

So here we were, standing in front of each other with a desk in the middle. "it's a good deal, Y/l/n" he said, breaking the silence. "you know it can be way worse."

"worse?" I scoffed, shocked by his statement. "they are taking my life away from me. They are taking everything away from me."

"You'll probably be able to come back to the compound in a while" he replied, trying to convince me to accept that fucking deal "we'll figure out a way for you to-"

"I won't be able to-" my voice cracked at the mere thought of agreeing on it. "they're not only taking my job away from me, 'kay? My friends- my life- I just-"

"they'll visit you from time to time!" he yelled at me, exasperated.

"I'm not gonna give up my-" I took a deep breath, clenching my fists around the backrest of the chair. "what 'bout Barnes? 'from time to time' is not enough. Not for us."

"Listen, Y/l/n" he spoke, pinching the bridge of his nose "either you retire, or you go to that prison you saw your friends in a couple of years ago."

"Fuck" Tony cursed under his breath. "fuck fuck fuck fuck" I could almost see the millions of alternative ways to solve this passing through his eyes while he started to pace before me.

"they gave me four days to decide" I interrupted him, swallowing the lump in my throat.

He stopped dead in his tracks, opening his eyes widely. "Barnes will be out for a week."

"it's okay" I lied, crossing my arms over my chest "it's better if he doesn't know just yet"

"Y/n-"

"it's better if he doesn't know just yet" I repeated with gritted teeth.

Tony opened his mouth to reply, but it rapidly shut again when he looked at the entrance of the lab "what are you two talking about?"

I slowly turned around to be met with Wanda's worried green eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had had to tell Wanda.

She promised she wouldn't say anything, but by the looks Natasha was giving me, I knew my forced retirement wasn't a secret anymore.

"what?" I bitterly barked, not bothering on looking up from my book at the redhead. "I know you know it already, so quit-"

"Everyone knows already" she cut me off, making me finally raise my gaze to her. "Everyone but Barnes" she made a pause before picking her phone from there pocket and sliding it over the table. "Tell him. He deserves to know."

I stared at the phone for a second, not daring to move. "Nat, I'm- I don't want him to-"

"he deserves it more than anyone." and with that, she got up and, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly, she left me there.

I did consider calling him, or at least sending a text. Then I realized there was only a day left, and that there was no point on doing it.

So I didn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't realize it was my last day at the compound until late night, and it probably was because everyone kept acting like nothing happened for me not to think much about it.

It worked. That was the reason why the breakdown came at midnight instead of during the morning.

But it's alright, I thought while I opened my room's door, it's better to break down alone than- "what the hell d'you think you're doin'?" no, please. "answer, Y/n" Bucky demanded. "I think I deserve an answer."

I wanted to offer him some kind of reply, but no words came out.

I had frozen when I saw him standing there in the darkness of the room, still wearing his now dirty suit.

"Y/n." he called my name, shaking me off my brief trance. "Tell me you're not leaving." again, I didn't answer, but this time was because I didn't want to lie to him. "please, Y/n. Please tell me your not leaving, 'kay? Please"

His eyes were now slightly bloodshot due to the tears he was holding back. "it's not a choice" I finally spoke, clearing my throat while I stepped towards the bed, where my suitcase was already set up for me to pack my things. "I can't stay"

"not even for me?" I wanted to say 'no', but I felt a lump slowly forming in my throat while I began to put my clothes inside the suitcase. "Y/n, please" he held my wrists, stopping me from continuing my task. "not even for- for us?" He swallowed forcefully went he realized I had noticed the crack in his voice. "Don't go. They can't- I- please, don't." this time, he didn't even try to hide the way his voice tremble. "d-don't leave me"

"don't be so fucking selfish" my voice cracked too, but luckily, he was too shocked by my words to hear it. "you knew this wouldn't end well, so quit the childish behavior." I threw a couple more things into the suitcase before closing it. "this relationship made no sense anyways"

When I said that last sentence, I certainly wasn't expecting the reaction I got from him.

His eyes went darker, and tears finally fell down his cheeks, but accompanied by anger. "y'know what? You're right." If there was something left to break inside me, it for sure shattered with his words. "You've been taking bad decisions since I met you. But in this one," he ran his hand through his hair. "in this one you're on your own."

Right after he stalked out of the room, my legs gave in and I fell to the floor, unable to breath, unable to cry, unable to move.

He was right, I was on my own now, and it was my fault.

I stayed like that for a couple of hours before I was able to move. And the moment I was able to move, I left.

Two Weeks Later

The house wasn't bad at all. It was a kind of rustic bungalow besides the beach with plenty of commodities.

The first six days I had felt so alone. I didn't move from my bed until the beginning of the second week.

I started keep myself busy with anything and everything during the day, and during the night, if I couldn't sleep, I went to the beach.

That night felt like it was going to be one of those nights, so I put the bikini on and, after grabbing the towel, I made my way to the front door.

Before I got there, however, I heard a couple of weak knocks on it. Out of habit, first thing I did was to grab my gun.

Holding it with one hand, I approached the door and I used the free one to open it.

The hand grabbing my gun fell limply to my side. "how- what are you doing here?" I managed to ask, my eyes locked with his. "Bucky-"

He took a couple of steps towards me and pushed me back slightly. I couldn't remember what I was going to say, because as soon as his lips crashed with mines, my mind went blank. Without noticing, I was returned the kiss while my hands roamed over his chest.

The kiss deepened quicker than expected, growing even more passionate, as well as desperate each passing second.

I needed to hold onto something, because I knew we would end up falling. I was losing strength and I felt Bucky’s body shaking as much as mine.

My back got slammed against the wall —I hadn't even noticed we were moving— and I gasped.

That was when I remembered we needed air, so I broke the kiss, pushing him back just enough for us to breath.

"You're not on your own" he mumbled with hooded eyes and swollen lips. "I'm sorry, I love you."

"I didn't mean what I said" I replied, wrapping my shaky arms around his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, you're right, I always make bad decisions. I'm sorry" I repeated, nuzzling my nose against his neck. "I'm so sorry, I love you more than anything, I'm sorry."

We stayed like that for a moment, hugging, in peaceful silence, until Bucky spoke. "I came to stay"

I frowned, pulling away to look at him "what?"

"I retired." he answered, giving me a genuine smile. "I'm staying with you." he brushed a strand of hair off my face. "If you want me here, of course"

I nodded, not being able to formule a proper sentence, bringing him closer for another kiss.