#conditioner. shampoo. two different entities

[crowties]

maybe i should just use my two-in-one shampoo allegory to explain the concept of seeles identity from now on

[parageist]

im just gonna answer all 50 things and then anyone who wants to comment on my responses can lol

1. so many honestly. im hyperfixated on rain world rn though so probably al the scavengers, slugcats, and iterators xD

2. lighters are so satisfying to use, and don’t create a bunch of waste. plus matches always make me a bit scared that they’ll break or burn me and they just seem so inconsistent. but when you get a match to light, it’s a whole different magical experience. i feel like some post-apocalyptic bunker-dweller lighting my oil lantern to go scavenge through some abandoned train tunnels for supplies. very fun

3. as long as it isn’t too cold, stormy, or there’s wildfire smoke outside, then yeah. some bugs do manage to get in though :/

4. some sort of undefined ghostly entity or energy force that manifests itself into multiple different beings, explaining why encounters with cryptids are always so inconsistent and all over the place

5. dark brown

6. do what? You’re mother?😈

7. hair ties but sometimes they get tangled and i get freaked out

8. i think there’s like one or two somewhere in the corner or in my closet

9. i hate coffee, it tastes vile. i love hot chocolate though, but normally i just drink a protein shake or some soda each morning to get my energy boost. i should try tea more often though

10. mhm :3

11. i wanna start a dnd group but im so overwhelmed and bad at scheduling things ;-; it’s been way too long since i last played

12. like in terms of the weather? it’s overcast and drizzly, like most days from october-march here in the PNW

13. this morning

14. yes please!! fun fact that smell is called petrichor (meaning “rock blood”) and is caused by an organic compound called geosmin. both of those words are really cool sounding imo. bouta make an oc named Petrichor Geosmin

15. i have created several eldritch homunculi chained up in my basement🙂

16. anyone can drive, but not everyone can do it as unsafe and illegally as i can 😎

17. nearsighted i think? up close things appear normal with or without my glasses, but far away things are significantly blurrier without them

18. color-safe shampoo and conditioner. that’s it. lmao

19. if you wanted that :)

20. SODAAAAA!!!💥💥🔥💯

21. so many trinkets that half of my closet is full of them

22. peculiar

23. as long as i have warm clothing or someone to cuddle with then it’s cool

24. chillin, maybe a bit of weedery. either that or a dramatic anime battle where i keep making jojo references

25. both because i’m Normal (OCD) about how i smell to others!🙂

26. there’s so many it hurts to think

27. 6 ish

28. with a smile for hours at a time. jk lmao. if i’m sick, around sick people, at a medical place, or someone asks me to then sure, but otherwise i don’t like the sensation of masks and they fog up my glasses

29. as warm as possible before i meet my pain threshold

30. im eating my plate of dinner right now and there’s a few mugs

31. so fuckin many but im really into mashup week megamix rn. something about all the synchronized beats and tracks and references make my dissociated mess of a brain reassemble some gears

32. no but i hate the towels that like leave bits of fuzz on your skin. fowl

33. some japanese gardens in the city. the whole atmosphere was ruined by a bunch of lawnmowers and wasp nests though :/

34. revenge a minecraft parody by captainsparklez and tryhardninja. and a bunch of other songs

35. pst. it’s currently 501pm rn

36. one

37. nobody 🥲

38. i only use liquid soap

39. sometimes but i should more given how much i bite my lips. completely unrelated but one time i took a huge chomp out of a stick of deodorant for no discernible reason :3

40. i had a brotein par

41. in a hearse. To its grave.

42. discord

43. good but i’m white so i can’t take much

44. trump? putin? jeff bezos? elon musk? idk even if i did kill one of them, it’s not gonna solve much. the system is rotten to its core, evil figureheads just give us someone to point all the blame to

45. uhhhhh i played rainworld instead of going to school, worked on my halloween costume, then played more rain world, finished saint again and almost cried, then i sorted my stickers and made poor life decisions with my sleep schedule :)

46. christmas vacation i guess? idk they all kinda blend together

47. “just really tired (sob puddle emoji)”

48. fourteen. and no that is not something to brag about. i was and still am a very stupid kid

49. i did it once but idk how

50. yes please!! :33

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[haveuseenmylife]

The little star

A poem about how to go on

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about killing myself – you say, as if it hasn’t been the only thing on your mind for two years now.

Your opposite nods and smiles. “Same”. Same, same, same. How is it “same” when they still know how to open their mouth and speak and how is it same, when it’s so casual to them, and when has this become normal? – you wonder.

But they say same, and you say yeah, and you go on with your day.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about killing myself – you say.

You never start your sentence differently, because this way it puts the time over yourself and while people are busy thinking about the “lately”, they don’t hear your sentence.

You don’t call it a cry or a plea because it’s not, or maybe calling it that would make it real. You don’t make a decision because you’ve become a master at that. And when you think about what’s bothering you so much about life, you avert your gaze, because what do you have to complain about after having seen every sunset and every sunrise of the last year.

You know all funky catchphrases and slogans, you know the “suicide awareness” hashtag and the “hundred reasons to stay alive” posts.

You’ve finished your shampoo and conditioner at the same time, and you’ve sat on rooftops. You know there’s no music in death, but neither is there in sleep. You’ve climbed up the treehouse of your childhood and snow angels you made in shorts and a T-Shirt.

You let people call you crazy and have this crazy story to tell and as long as everyone thinks you were drunk when you did it and not just gone, things are fine.

You’ve had good and better days and you’ve felt infinite.

So, what else is there for you to do?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about killing myself – you say,

And your parents put dinner on the table. They don’t look up or furrow a brow, your siblings have moved out and your plate is getting cold.

Lately, you’ve been sitting in front of your mirror a lot. You forgot what you look like and refuse to see the truth or maybe that’s really all there is. Maybe, the top of the mountain was really just that and maybe, the stars are just dying planets instead of old souls, and even if you don’t join them, you’ll finally have found your place.

You are a star –

Perpetually burning out, a soul in the wrong entity.

Lately, you’ve been thinking a lot about what comes next, the knife or the bed and lately, you’ve been thinking a lot about how soft your blanket and how worn out your favorite sweatshirt is, about how the sun is always too bright and the noises are always too loud and the knife is always too sharp.

Lately, you’ve been thinking a lot about killing yourself and now you’re going to sleep, little light.

And your brothers and sisters will wake you, when it’s time to go.

[outroshooky]

the aces up your sleeve | jjk

this is the third time i’ve posted this fic; let’s hope tumblr’s tags decide to actually show the post this time.

⇢ genre: series; part 2 of simmer down and pucker up (friendswithbenefits!au, friendstolovers!au)

⇢ pairing: jeon jeongguk x unnamed oc

⇢ word count: 12.05k

⇢ warnings: heavy angst (excessive drinking, hangovers, foul language, unhealthy coping mechanisms, jeongguk lets his heart get ahead of his head), implied and also brief smut, fluff. vomit tw. there are some darker themes here, read with caution

⇢ a/n: i started working on this fic five months ago to the day i finished it. 12,057 words and so many hours later, it’s done. i hope you enjoy aces as much as i enjoyed writing it, and a special kudos to all of the people who’ve helped along the way- @a-heart-full-of-javert and @yoonsgiggle for reading revision after revision and being my number one supporters always, and those mutuals whose feedback helped hone this piece (@pvrpletae @taeholic, and any other friends i missed). also, a nod to @genderfluid-jaredkleinmann, because anything is possible with twenty bucks and a metro card. thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your love!

“Come home with me,” she whispers. “We’ll figure out the specifics later.”

“‘m okay with that.”

He stumbles with her to her apartment building, ignoring the questioning glances and stares of strangers. He looks up at her and thinks she’s never been more beautiful, not even when she’s naked and writhing under him. He wants to immortalize this forever- her features glowing in the soft light of dawn, her arm supporting him, keeping him steady. He still believes he doesn’t deserve her, but oddly enough, he can’t find it in himself to worry too much, because he believes in her so, so much more. They’ll figure out the specifics later.

It’s cold, he thinks.

The air is chilly as it kisses his bare arms, burns his sore throat as he inhales, exhales. Breath after breath passing through his lungs, every single intake of sweet oxygen a reminder that he is still here; he hasn’t yet drunk himself to death. Everything is still a little fuzzy at the edges, something he attributes to the entire bottle of Delas Cotes Du Ventoux he’d downed on top of a vodka shot or two. He’ll apologize to his liver once he’s completely sober.

Step after step, his beat-up sneakers plod over an endless concrete plain. Exhaustion wears on him; he can’t even bring himself to avoid the gray gum stains, and every so often his foot sticks just a half-second longer to the pavement.

Jeon Jeongguk has seen sunrise after sunrise limping home after a night of indulgence, and yet something about this one is different. 

 Reds and pinks and oranges blot the sky like the misshapen wine stains on his t-shirt, a celestial canvas that, to his foggy brain, must’ve only been painted by God himself. God, an entity he’s never believed to be real, yet he’s never felt more spiritual hunched over and crawling home in yesterday’s clothes and tomorrow’s promises. There must be a god, some sort of master puppeteer defying the impossible and stringing together the inevitable, because there’s an arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders keeping him grounded and good fucking god, it’s her.

Her.

There’s no other word for her, no other name that can possibly summon that raw, unbridled feeling that resides deep in his chest. Rather than the term defining her, she defines it all on her own. She brings a new meaning to a normal, ordinary, everyday word that isn’t near worthy enough to refer to a personal succubus, midnight companion, best friend. His succubus, companion, friend. 

Salmon and peach pour over the piercing tops of the skyscrapers, leaking color onto the endless streets, monotonous in their grid-like ways. The same convenience stores, sex shops, traffic lights direct the flow of cars that cough and sputter like the smoke wisping from grates in the asphalt. Life goes on, and yet above, seemingly unnoticed, is a display of Elysian grace, empyrean beauty. Light seeps into a world of mist and twilight, and it paints over her skin too, illuminating her from the side. Her, a divinity in her own right, with two feet on the ground and five slender fingers in his own.

I must be dreaming, Jeongguk thinks. Dreaming, because the sun is oozing over the horizon like a lazy yolk and for once, he’s thinking straight. Dreaming, because this is the drunkest he’s ever been in his entire life, yet he’s never seen it like it is now, laid out before him. His cards are on the table and his heart is on his sleeve, whipping free and loose in the wind that tousles his already-messy hair. Dreaming, because he’s having a divine revelation that men of old have only when the life is seeping from their bones, and as far as he’s concerned, he still has years ahead of him. Fuck it, he could die tomorrow but he wouldn’t care; it’s as if he found the very essence of life itself, and it lies not in the cracked-egg sky nor in the lazy plumes of smoke, not in empty alcohol bottles nor bodies slotting together in twisted sheets. It lies in the only one who matters, the smart mouth who stumbled into his life when she tripped up the stairs and her books flew into the backs of his tweenage ankles.

Her.

Maybe Jeongguk is still drunk. Maybe he’s high too, lost in the clouds of delirium and pacificity. Maybe he’ll wake up in a mess of blankets and dirty laundry, noon’s glow filtering in through the kitchen window. Maybe it's the weariness that bears down on him like a train, pulling at his tired limbs and drooping eyelids, weighing on his shoulders with a divinely brutal burden.

And yet Jeongguk stumbles on through the fog, ignoring the looks of faces unknown. He stumbles on, trusting fate and God and the bleary, bleached world that seems so full of color now. The world is gray through cracked eyelids as he stares at slab after slab of concrete, dull only until he can tear his vision to the masterpiece that paints the heavens up above. Has it always been this beautiful? Or has he just never been able to look up and see it?

He mulls the question over as his feet move with a will of their own, pondering over and over until he finds himself in an apartment he’s only ever known in darkness. His shoes slip off, his shirt comes over his head; he's handed sweatpants and boxers and her fingers dance over his bare skin like she's known it all her life. Jeongguk’s head lolls and rests against her shoulder, and it's only then that she speaks, murmurs for him to stay awake with her just a little while longer. He's pretty sure his eyes are already shut by the time his body hits the mattress, and he sinks into a five-hundred thread count haven of her conditioner and her perfume.

Every fiber of Jeongguk’s body aches, with exhaustion or emotion he’s not quite sure. He’s wrapped in sheets that smell like her, but something is missing. His eyelids crack open to see her retreat from the bedside, and he extends one arm as if reaching for a lifeline. A drowning man, the life preserver skimming away across the waves. “Please-”

“Jeongguk...” She hesitates.

“Please just stay with me, please,” he pleads. “Just hold me.”

Maybe it’s the rasp in his voice that makes her pause; it doesn’t even sound like his own. Maybe it’s his frame, broken and small in an ocean of blankets. Maybe it’s the fact that in one night, her entire world has been thrown upside down without any way of making out what’s right and what’s wrong.

She takes a step forward.

Then another.

“Please stay,” He whispers.

Maybe it’s just him.

By the time she eases herself down next to him, he’s already snoring quietly, the shipwrecked victim clutching desperately to his life raft. Yet as hard as she tries, her tired eyes refuse to rest, mind working, thinking, processing. What else can she do?

And so she lets herself go a little, and then a little more until she’s sinking into the warm feeling that envelops her heart, cradles her soul. For the boy she loves is curled into her, head on her chest, and oddly enough, it’s in the midst of the chaos where she finally finds peace.

Mortal fucking agony.

The only three words that Jeongguk can summon when his sticky eyelids slit open and the light, airy feeling of sleep fades to be replaced with what feels like just about every cell in his body painfully throbbing as one. His head is spinning, limbs trembling, bile threatening to rise in his throat, bitter on a thick tongue. 

It couldn’t possibly be worse than this. This is, without a doubt, the worst hangover he has ever had.

Thank god it’s still dark outsi-

The blankets are ripped off of his head, and Jeongguk screeches as the pain in his head intensifies to a nearly unbearable degree. Bright light floods the room, casting warmth and comfort across a neatly kept apartment, the eggshell walls doing their absolute best to reflect the sunshine. He swears the sun itself is driving a railroad spike through his skull, and he wonders what he ever did to personally offend a massive ball of burning gas hundreds of thousands of miles away.

“Morning, sunshine!” A folded towel smacks him in the face next, perches on his head. “Time to get up!”

“What the actual fuck?” Jeongguk groans, rolling over and wrapping his arms around the towel. At least when it covers his eyes, he’s back in the dark.

“Oh, I think not, Gukkie. It’s four in the afternoon. You’re getting your lazy ass out of my bed and showering, because you smell like a personal minibar and puke.” The towel is wrenched out of his hands, and he whines in complaint. She chuckles. “I never knew you were such a baby.”

“Fine, fine, I’m getting up,” he pushes himself to a sitting position, scrubbing at his eyes with deadweight arms. “Where the hell is my shirt?”

“In the wash, along with the rest of your shit.” She pauses. “Shampoo and soap are in the shower caddy, towel and washcloth are right next to you.”

He pokes his tongue in his cheek, stares up at her standing over him through squinted slits. “Do I have a choice?”

She folds her arms. “Absolutely not.”

He stands, gathers the things she’s laid out for him, wanders around her bed. He’s closing over the bathroom door when he sighs, winces as a particularly agonizing wave of pain rolls through his head. “Oh, fuck me.”

“For the record, I have!”

His only response is the squeaking of the shower handle and the rush of water pitter-pattering a familiar melody.

The first thing Jeongguk is greeted with when he emerges from the sauna of a bathroom is the smell of scrambled eggs. The second is something burning, and that’s when the fire alarm goes off.

“Oh, shut up!”

He leans against the doorframe with his ears plugged, watching her bat at the detector with a damp hand towel, waving at the ceiling furiously. “Need some help there?” he asks when it finally quiets.

“Oh hey, you look a little more alive. Smell a lot better too.” She scrapes the eggs out of the pan, dresses them next to two pieces of blackened charcoal that he assumed to have once been toast. She can’t admit to either of them just how good he looks in a plain white tee, lanky frame drowning, and so she slides the plate across the table without a second glance. Jeongguk tucks one leg under him as he settles, reaches for the salt and pepper. “Find everything satisfactory?”

“Water pressure could use some work.” He gestures with his fork. “Whose clothes are these?”

She shrugs. “My ex’s.”

“Excuse me?” Jeongguk coughs. “I thought it’s been months since you’ve seen-”

“It has been,” she busies herself at the sink. “He left them here.”

“And you never got rid of them?”

She scrubs particularly hard at a bit of grizzle on a dirtied plate. “That’s a waste of a forty-five dollar shirt.”

He takes a bite, chews. “To each their own.”

Silence falls thick and heavy. Jeongguk swallows, clears his throat. Says her name, and when her eyes meet his, something in his chest hitches. “Thank you.” He pauses. “Really, I mean that. Thank you for everything.”

She freezes, water still pouring down her hands, soap bubbles swirling, leaking into the drain. Silence.

His heart thumps once. Twice.

“Jeongguk, what are we?”

It’s like a cavity has opened up inside of him, chasm splitting far and wide, and inside is roiling emotion, waves crashing and cascading with abandon. He isn’t sure if he’s about to vomit or weep- perhaps the former, because his head is still pounding, but his own heartbeat outweighs the drum thudding in his skull. “What do you mean?”

The knife she’s holding slips from her fingers, clatters against the basin of the sink. “What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’? You nearly drink yourself to death and I’m the one who goes out and saves your sorry ass, coincidentally the same person you’re fucking on the weekends, by the way. Are you just going to casually play off what happened last night? God Jeongguk, you’ve got to be shitting me!”

It’s easier to push people away when you’re about to crack, because they don’t have to watch you fragment into pieces that you can’t even hope to put back together without slicing your own palms into ribbons. It’s easier to watch your own blood run than see the ink of the ones you love stain a blank page crimson. She can’t breathe; her page isn’t blank, there’s scribbles all over in black and blue and now they’re running maroon. Messages embedded in gestures and actions, and she grips the edge of the sink white-knuckled. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

It’s foggy, misty in his head, the memories of last night. Concrete smooth under his fingertips, sacred confessions in a city of sin, but what did he confess? It’s blurred at the edges; her face is reflected in the surface of a still pool, but when he summons answers, he’s only left with more questions.

Her voice is a mere whisper, broken and raw. “Please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

He rises from the table. “Tell me what I’ve forgotten.”

It’s a few steps to cross the kitchen, to see her trembling, still clutching onto the worn sponge. Silence is an old friend by now, sickening quiet, and the tumbling waves inside him threaten to break forth, gushing like a flood. He reaches out to touch her and she jerks away.

“What did I do?” he begs.

Silence.

���Did we fuck?” 

Nothing.

“Please tell me, I don’t even know what I di-”

“There are no fucked-up people in this world,” her voice is shaking. “Just good people who do very, very fucked up things.”

Jeongguk freezes, arm outstretched to touch her, fingers stilling.

“Drunk words are sober thoughts,” her voice cracks, and she bends over the sink, head between her arms. “If you can remember what it is you even said in the first place.”

“What did I say?” he nearly whispers.

Her shoulders shake and she’s crying now. It’s killing him to see this, killing him that he’s destroying her and he doesn’t even know how he possibly drove a knife through her back. When she speaks, her voice is so soft, he can barely catch each word. “‘You told me you fucked up, and you broke the rule,’” She quotes, pauses. “‘And now it’s my turn. I fucked up,’” she sniffles. “‘I broke the rule.’” Oh god, please don’t finish the sentence. Please- “‘I love you.’”

Ringing.

Pounding.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Air filtering through his lungs, but it’s as if there’s a vice crushing him, squeezing every ounce of oxygen from his fragile body.

Confessions are told behind closed curtains, doors locked with the intentions of secrecy and intimacy, spilling the worst of your intentions to the holiest of the holy. They penetrate the curtain, the wall between you and your savior, separating human and divine with shame, guilt, the need to atone, repent for the one who’s given their everything for you. In the ultimate act of love, you’ve been saved from what you fear the most, blood spilled on fine sand, pierced by nails and a spear. Nails and a spear, except this time it’s vices and virtues, and tears prick at his eyes like thorns brushing skin.

“That’s what you did, Jeongguk.”

You knew?

For so long.

“You told me you love me and I told you I love you, too.”

She cries quietly, hiccups jerking her small frame.

Jeongguk wishes he could say something, do something to stop the agony. But it’s all his fault and his head is spinning still; he wants to comfort her, protect her from the torment she’s locked in, except he’s the one that’s spurred on the waves, and now she’s desperately trying to stay afloat.

Slowly, he reaches out to her. A life preserver, something, anything to help. His fingertips brush the top of her head, and he’s forever shocked by how soft her hair is, like flaxen strands of silk.

It’s coming back to him now, in bits and pieces. Her sweatshirt, bundled in his arms, his only protection against the biting cold. The world spinning in black and neon and twilight gray until a face comes into view. Her face. 

His hand strokes the top of her head, slowly, stiffly. She leans back the slightest into his touch.

His savior. His sins, laid out for the sheep to bear. He had to go and fall in love with the one thing he couldn’t touch, couldn’t have, couldn’t attach himself to.

“I’m so sorry.” The words pale in contrast to the situation no matter how much magnitude they carry, and his voice cracks. It’s too heavy for her to bear alone.

She reaches out to him, for him, and in an instant he’s pulled her against his chest, and she’s sobbing. The lamb’s back has broken, and there’s nothing left.

Her fingers twist in his shirt, face buried in his shoulder as he strokes her hair, lowering onto one knee and then the other. When he eases himself into a sitting position, she collapses with him and he cradles her close, like she’ll fragment any second if he lets go. Perhaps she will.

He rests his head on top of hers as she finally lets herself feel the stress of trying to keep it all together for him. He traces patterns on her arms, her thighs, her knees and her calves, lets her shake and tremble and break against him. He doesn’t care how much she’ll cut his palms, if he’ll even have any left by the time he’s done piecing her together. She’s worth it.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers into her hair. “You deserve better than this.”

“Don’t,” she croaks, screws her eyes tighter. “Don’t push me away with an excuse like that when I’m crying in your arms on my kitchen floor.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk says. “I won’t.”

And so he doesn’t.

He holds her until she has no tears left, until her face is blotchy and her cheeks are damp. She doesn’t see the way he weeps too, his forehead against her own, eyelids fluttered shut. I love you. The statement doesn’t burst forth from his chest, but leaks like the sunrise filtering over the tops of jagged skyscrapers, oozing like the warmth of a yolk, spilling the reality he can’t hide from anymore. 

The dying sunlight casts the room in dusky reds and yellows, patchy opals and milky blues. The day is coming to a close, but he feels like it’s just begun.

He noses at her cheek, watching as she blinks up at him through tired, sticky eyes. “You asked what we are.”

“And what are we?”

Jeongguk hopes he’s being reassuring. “We are whatever you want us to be.”

She snorts. “So specific, coming from the guy known for running from his problems.”

He rolls his eyes. “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Somehow you ended up making more sense when you were drunk, Jeongguk.”

“No, I-” He sighs. “So we’re in love with each other. We’re best friends that fuck on the weekends when they’re stressed, and we’re in love with each other. And I- I think I’d like this- us- to happen more often.”

“So you’re saying you want to hold me as I cry on my kitchen floor every day? Jesus Christ, I know you’re secretly a sappy bastard, but even t-”

“I’m saying I want to hold you like this more often, minus the tears,” Jeongguk interrupts. “I’m saying I want us to happen more often.” He stops for a moment when he sees her brows furrow, her face soften. “I’m saying that I want to eat shitty takeout with you on Tuesday nights and watch Finding Nemo as many times as you want to, because I know you love animated movies and Nemo is your favorite. I’m saying I want to kiss you before I fall asleep at night, and this time I’m not kissing your neck, I’m kissing your lips because I’m tired of being ashamed of kissing you, any part of you, when I know you’re not mine. I’m saying I want to argue and drink dollar store wine and forget about it all in the morning. I’m saying that I want to say I love you and not be afraid of it. Or be afraid to show it.” His fingers tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “Did you not believe me when I told you while I was drunk?”

“To be fair, you told me and then threw up on the sidewalk,” she remarks dryly, cheeks shimmering with wetness. “Your vomit had more conviction than your over-emotional drunk self did.”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “Just let me love you, Jesus Christ.”

“That’s more trouble than it’s worth.” She sniffles.

His heart twists. “We’ve come this far.”

“You still haven’t answered my question. What are we?”

He lets his heartbeat echo in his ears once, twice before he responds. “Let me prove it to you.”

“Prove it to me?” She lifts her head from his shoulder, eyebrow raised. “I’m sorry, do I need to bring up my previous rant about how I’m the one who goes out and saves you when you attempt to murder your liver? You have a lot of proving to do, Guk-”

“Let me take you out on a date.”

And then it all goes quiet.

It’s like someone’s pressed pause on an old VHS tape, playing quietly on an old television. The room is dim with afternoon light slipping lower, furniture and faces illuminated with a soft golden glow. Everything is frozen; it’s as if he’s watching from outside the screen as her face freezes in an expression of pure shock. A Renaissance painting, perhaps- Boy Nearly Shits Himself Hoping Fuckbuddy Doesn’t Leave Him, Jeon, 1591.

She can’t do anything but gape at him, mouth moving and jaw working, except no sound comes out. When she does find her voice a few seconds later, all she can splutter out is every other syllable, spewing consonants at him until he holds up a hand. “If you don’t want to, that’s okay, I just- I dunno, I figured that’s what guys do when they wanna impress a girl-” She’s talking with her hands now, gesticulating wildly, still unable to formulate an actual word. “-I’m sorry, if you say no, I’m not gonna push-”

“Jeongguk, would you shut up and listen to me?”

“Oh look, you’re actually intelligible now.”

“I’m not saying no.”

It’s his turn to freeze in shock, eyes wide, his arms still around her going rigid. “So what are you saying?”

She hesitates. “Well, I’m not saying yes either.”

His mouth goes dry. “W-what?”

“Look, Jeongguk, I-” she pauses, buries her face back in his chest because there she doesn’t have to worry. It’s a familiar patch of skin; she knows every birthmark and freckle, and she traces the constellations over his shirt with one finger. “I don’t know yet. I need to think about it.”

Anxiety, growing in his mind like so many vines, overgrown and flourishing, creeping into his thoughts and constricting his throat. He swallows hard, resists the desperate urge to pull her closer. A drowning man and his life preserver. “I can’t blame you for that.”

“Thank you for understanding,” she murmurs. Her lips brush his chest over his shirt and for a moment he’s in a dark bedroom, hands gripping her curves, whispering sin in her ear as she grinds on his lap, a whimpering mess. Not now.

He cracks a small smile somehow, squeezes her hip gently. “I try.”

“Guk?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just hold me for a while?”

Forget for a while that she’s not yours.

His hands slide under her legs as he lifts her up seemingly effortlessly, carries her through the kitchen into her bedroom, settling down on the bed next to her. He opens his arms and she crawls to him like she has so many times before, except this time there’s no post-sex haze, no panting of breath nor eyes that shine with a certain satisfied, mischievous look. It’s just her and him, as she settles between his legs with her head on his chest and he traces gentle, slow circles on her back. Neither of them will admit just how comfortable it is, just how right it feels- nor will they admit that it’s happened before, and indeed Jeongguk does his best to push the thought out of his mind. Live in the now. You may never get to do this again.

And so he calms her until her breathing slows to an even rhythm, and she drifts off peacefully into a deep, calm sleep.

jeon jeongguk: so

jeon jeongguk: did u think about it

Read, 2:23pm. Yeah I did.

jeon jeongguk: aaaaand?

Read, 2:24pm. 

jeon jeongguk: cricket cricket

Read, 2:36pm.

jeon jeongguk: i feel like i should be playing the jeopardy theme song rn

jeon jeongguk: do do do do do do do

jeon jeongguk: do do do do DO do do do do do

Read, 2:37pm. You’re so irritating.

jeon jeongguk: ty

jeon jeongguk: it’s a talent ive perfected

jeon jeongguk: especially with u

jeon jeongguk: anyways

jeon jeongguk: im picking u up on friday at 3 outside ur apartment building

jeon jeongguk: be there or u have to eat my ass for a week

Read, 2:38pm. I never knew you were into that.

jeon jeongguk: there r a lot of things u don’t know about me

jeon jeongguk: but

jeon jeongguk: if u see me friday at 3

jeon jeongguk: u’ll get to find out

jeon jeongguk: it’ll be lit

Read, 2:41pm. Please never use that word again in my presence.

jeon jeongguk: ur no fun

Read, 2:43pm. img.jpg

jeon jeongguk: sending an uno reverse card does not change that fact

Read, 2:43. I’m at work; my break just ended. See you Friday.

jeon jeongguk: peace

A date.

It’s Thursday night and she’s still trying to wrap her head around it.

A date. 

With Jeon Jeongguk. 

The person whom she refused to kiss on the cheek in middle school, scrunching her nose because he was a boy and he was gross. The person who caught her when she tripped and fell in high school at the ice skating rink, likely saving her from a broken ankle, but certainly not a busted ego. Also the person who she fucked a handful of times. Okay, more than a handful.

An actual fucking date, with all of the romantic aspects thrown into the dish, rather than garnished on top with a mockery of true aesthetic design. No more dancing around the truth, no way to fuck it out in the comforts of a messy bed and hazy midnight vision. Real consequences to be felt… as if none of their behavior had had consequences already.

Oh my god, I can’t do this, she thinks.

What is she even supposed to wear?

Jeongguk, what should I wear tomorrow?

jeon jeongguk: um

jeon jeongguk: probably clothes

jeon jeongguk: for once

Read, 10:14pm. You’re an actual dick.

jeon jeongguk: is now an appropriate time for me to send my own uno card

jeon jeongguk: anyways wear something nice but like

jeon jeongguk: not ridiculously nice y’know

Read, 10:14pm. That’s… incredibly unhelpful.

jeon jeongguk: don’t wear a wedding gown but don’t wear a t shirt n booty shorts

jeon jeongguk: even tho u look good in a t shirt n booty shorts

Read, 10:15pm. When have you ever seen me in a t-shirt and booty shorts?

You know what, don’t answer that question. I’ll figure it out. Ty

jeon jeongguk: bye

She tosses her phone to the bed and frowns, flips through the clothes hangers in her closet, pauses to finger a shirt sleeve. What could he even have to offer on a date? Where would he take her? Would they stay in? Go out? What could you offer to impress someone who’s seen every facet of you growing up and knows you inside and out whether or not either of you like to admit it?

Is she enough?

She shakes her head. She can’t be thinking like this before the date’s even happened.

She’d just have to wait and see.

Oh, how she hated waiting.

At 2:47pm on Friday afternoon, her phone buzzed.

jeon jeongguk: leaving now bc traffic, be there in 15

Read, 2:47pm. See you in a few.

At 2:59pm, a black four-door pulled up in front of her apartment building, and at 3:01pm, she pulled open the passenger’s door and slid inside.

“Hey,” Jeongguk said, taking the car out of park. “What’s good?”

“Only you could begin a date by saying ‘what’s good’,” she teased, shifting the buckle so it fell comfortably across her shoulder. “And for the record, I’m good, thanks.”

A smile tinged his lips as he spared a glance across the car, looking her up and down. “A leather jacket and combat boots. You look more than good.”

It was her turn to appreciate him- lean thighs clad in tight-fitting black jeans; off-white dress shirt tucked neatly at the waist, rolled at the elbows, unbuttoned at the collar. “As do you.” She snickered, elbowing him. “I didn’t even know you owned anything other than monochome tee shirts.”

Jeongguk raised an eyebrow, sparing a quick glance over his shoulder before merging into traffic. “Again, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

She glanced over at him, tongue in cheek. “Care to tell me about them?”

He smirked, foot tapping the brake. “Oh, you’ll find out in time. Oh, and speaking of time-” he checked his watch. “-we have a long drive ahead of us. Aux cord is yours.”

“Did you really just give me the aux cord? So I can play my, oh, how did you put it- ‘shitty ass spawn of country music and dollar-store trap’?”

“Old Town Road is not real music, don’t you dare tell me otherwise-”

“Mm, but you gave me the cord-” she teased, swinging it around her index finger. “It’s my radio now, country boy.”

“Can we compromise with Post Malone?” Jeongguk begged, a hint of a whine in his voice. “Beerbongs and bentleys is where it’s at, plus I’d rather claw out my ears than hear ‘I got the horses in the back’ one more time-”

“Done,” she tapped at her phone, and as the opening chords of Sugar Wraith sang through the car speakers, they both visibly relaxed.

Perhaps she’d been anxious for absolutely nothing. It all felt the same here in his Jeep, like every day by his side had been before he’d turned a cold shoulder and disappeared for months. Nothing new, everything familiar, too familiar.

Had it been this easy to be with him all along?

By the end of the first half hour, Jeongguk had rapped more than half of the album, and she was impressed by the fact that his singing voice wasn’t, as she’d assumed in the past, absolute shit. “When were you going to tell me you can sing better than an autotuned Post can?”

He raised and lowered one shoulder, hand comfortable on the rim of the wheel. He looked so damn fine, effortless with a sharp jawline and a gentle smile. “I’m not that good. I can carry a tune and that’s about it.”

“Lies, Gukkie. You have a lovely voice.”

She noticed a hint of pink in his cheeks.

By the end of the first hour, the impenetrable rows of buildings had faded to flat land and open road. She gazed out the window, elbow propped up on the sill, and Jeongguk allowed himself a look at her. Not a hair out of place, finely polished, not too much makeup. Perfect. So utterly, wonderfully perfect.

He wondered when she would ask how much longer, and five minutes after the first hour, she answered his question. “Are you planning to take me on a romantic roadside picnic, Guk?”

“And if I was?” he hummed quietly to the melody filtering through the speakers.

“You wouldn’t drive an hour out of the city to do so; this is the person who walks everywhere, god forbid his bicycle leave his apartment.”

“You’re right,” he affirmed. “Just a half hour more. I think.”

“You think? What happens if we get stuck out here in the middle of nowhere?”

“I have twenty bucks and a working Metrocard, we’ll be fine.”

“We’re not even in the city!”

“Shhhh.”

At an hour and twenty-eight minutes exactly, the car slowed, bumping along as Jeongguk pulled into a parking lot that was more dirt than asphalt. She’d dozed off about twenty minutes ago, cheek smushed against the seatbelt, and his heart glows warm when he parks and finally looks over at her. His hand finds its way to hers, and he rubs the back of it gently. “We’re here.”

She wakes slowly, eyelids fluttering in a moment of confusion, and his thumb rubs over her knuckles. “Where-” She sees him smiling, and she’s instantly alert. “Oh no.”

He lets her hand fall with a final squeeze. “Oh yes.”

“I don’t trust you,” she chuckles breathlessly. “Where the actual fuck are we, Je-”

The rest of her statement is cut off by Jeongguk hopping the few inches from the lip of his Wrangler to the ground, and when he circles the car to collect her, her face is scrunched in confusion. “You drove thirty miles outside of the city for this run-down shack of a restaurant? It’s barely anything Gukkie, are you sure we’re in the right place?”

He turns to regard the one-story restaurant, pop-up roof signs peeling in their age, before nodding firmly, decisively. “I’m sure.”

She follows him inside, mumbling something about being assaulted by the dinner crowd, and Jeongguk strolls up to the maître d′ like he’s done this every day of his life. Maybe it’s the over-starched dress shirt. He swears it’s hugging his frame just a little too tight.

She misses the reservation name, spoken too softly and too quickly for her to hear, but she has no reason to suspect anything, not even when they settle at a corner table set with two places and a vase of four roses. She’s handed a menu, which she accepts with a polite word of thanks, and it’s when she sees the name of the restaurant in bright block font at the top of the page that she pauses. In one moment, the oxygen drains from her lungs, and the past comes alive before her eyes like a film reel, rewound for his and her pleasure.

She’s frozen across the table, lights dancing in her eyes in neon hues, flickering in her irises, countless bursts of color in pink and green and yellow. When he glances up to ask if she’d like to order appetizers, he swears he can hear her heart explode in her chest, crashing and roaring and perhaps aching just a little, too. His own beats just a little bit faster when he sees tears glimmer in her eyes, pinprick stars in her cosmos. “Jeongguk, how did you-”

“Find the only Moonlight Diner in three hundred fifty miles?” He relaxes, nudges the table leg with the toe of his shoe. “Turns out there’s only two in a thousand mile radius. One of which is at home, the other of which is, well- here.”

“Y-you-” she can barely get the words out, so overwhelmed is she with nostalgia and heartache and just a little bit of relief. “You found our childhood diner chain and you brought me here on a fucking date, Jeongguk, I-”

Her hands tremble on the corners of the menu as Jeongguk makes incredibly awkward eye contact with the impending waitress, who turns on her heel when she sees the scene in front of her. Something in his throat seizes with anxiety. “Is this okay? Did I do something wrong? Fuck, I-”

“Jeongguk, shut the actual fuck up and let me bask in the fact that you did this for me,” she chokes out. “We spent how many years going to this diner back home, having french fry sword fights, spraying each other with ketchup, truth or dare rounds involving coleslaw in your-”

“I try to forget the colesaw incident,” Jeongguk winces. “But- But is it okay? I-” He squeezes the edge of the sickly green leather seat, white-knuckled. “I’m not crossing any boundaries?”

“I swear to god,” she’s crying now, out of her control, but for the first time in so long it’s a good kind of cry, and she curses her tendency to cry for him at the drop of a hat. “How the fuck- you know what, I don’t even want to know how you came up with this or what else you have planned. You son of a bitch, I love you.”

Jeongguk bites his lip. “That’s the most contradictory sentence I’ve ever heard, but I’ll take your word for it.”

She sniffles, wipes her eyes on the back of her hand. He passes her a napkin, and she dabs at her face. “Are you getting the bacon cheeseburger? With extra bacon and ketchup on the side, because you know I’m going to steal some?”

“Yes,” he admits gently. “That was the general plan.”

She smiles through her tears, chokes out a laugh. “Nothing’s changed, has it Jeongguk?”

He’s starting to well up now, eyes shining with pride and adoration and remembering, because he remembers now. He remembers what it’s like to joke, to laugh, to love without the vices of the everyday world surrounding him. It’s been so long since the feeling bubbled up in his throat; a memory flashes before his eyes of dancing in the rain, and just like the flow of water down a storm drain, it’s gone before he can grab it, explore it. It’s okay, let it go, he thinks. There’s a more important memory he needs to make here with her, and as she reaches for her fork to playfully poke his arm, he finds himself falling in love with her all over again.

It is with full bellies and warming hearts that the two leave the run-down diner, clutching strawberry milkshakes and reveling in memories long-forgotten. There’s a bounce in her step and he’s beaming like the moonlight that lies silver across the breadth of the parking lot, shines off of the hood of his worn-out car. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt alive like this, without the help of his vices. He had thought he never would again.

He slides into the driver’s seat, pulling the door closed behind him, and she hops into the passenger’s side. “Home, now?”

“I mean, if you really want to.” He buckles himself in. “But there’s one more place I wanna take you.”

Her teeth shine bright as she smiles. “Where to, Gukkie?”

His heart flutters at the use of the nickname. “You’ll see.”

As the moonlight stretches long across the cracked road and his hand finds hers on the center console, Jeongguk turns the car back towards the city, heart beating just a bit faster than before.

Flat land rolls, tumbling end over end into buildings that grow longer and taller until the city envelopes the single black Jeep. The ride is spent in a comfortable silence, her thumb running over his knuckles, lazily playing with his fingers. She doesn’t miss the smile that graces his face, the way his eyes gleam with the nebulae of a thousand swirling galaxies. She wouldn’t mind getting lost in them more often.

He marvels at how small her fingers are, how easy it is for two of them to wrap around merely one of his. He wonders what it would be like to kiss each knuckle, treating each with care before they fall asleep with interlocked hands and limbs, and for the first time, he doesn’t feel guilty about imagining the possibilities.

A few blocks before her apartment, Jeongguk pulls over and parks. The sidewalks throng at this hour, individual faces blurring in the crowds, and when they meet around the front of the car, she takes his arm. “Are you absolutely positive you didn't just bring me home?” She teases.

“Nope,” he gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “There’s one more place we’re going, promise.”

He knows the way by heart, the place he discovered three months ago by accident that had ignited a little-known nostalgic streak in him. It’s a right on 65th West and a left on 15th North, go straight four blocks (five?) and a right on 53rd and then it’s there in front of him in all of its childhood glory. He pats his pocket, makes sure its contents are still intact.

“We’re here,” Jeongguk announces. 

“A playground,” she murmurs.

“Do you know why?” He asks.

“Where would we go after the diner?” She laughs quietly, disbelievingly. “The playground.”

“It’s got the three swings and everything,” he offers. “And the little ship’s bow with the climbing nets.”

“I can’t believe you.” She stands on her toes and kisses his cheek. His skin tingles where her lips press. “You’re incredible.”

“I’m really not,” he answers shyly. “I just think about these things is all.”

“Hey.” She pokes his ribs, a hint of teasing in her voice, and she’s off in a flash. “You’re it!”

“You- Get back here!” Jeongguk staggers back and then lunges forward, sprinting after her, past the monkey bars and the climbing wall. The playground is deserted save them, two fully-grown adults playing a chaotic game of tag, and he can’t even stop to think how ridiculous it may look to onlookers. He realizes then that he doesn’t care, because she’s within arms reach, nearly his, just a little bit farther, and he reaches just an inch more and snags her by the waist.

She trips over her own feet and tumbles, bringing him down with her, but he rolls to take the brunt of the fall. Loose stones on the colored rubber dig into his back and she’s heavy on his chest, but he’s breathless with laughter and her teeth flash as she too dissolves into giggles. His ribs ache as he wraps an arm around her, but it’s a good sort of ache, and as she hoists herself to her elbows resting over him, a loose lock of her hair brushes against his cheek.

“You’re such a brat,” He teases, his tongue poking his cheek.

“You’re such an dunce,” She responds, head tilting cockily.

“Dunce? When’s the last time anyone said dunce? Come on, you can come up with something better than that!” He pokes her ribs and she squeaks. “Asshole, thrice-cursed bastard, son of a fu-”

“Enough out of you,” she kids. “I’m not feeling creative today.”

“What if I was?” He lets his head fall back, tresses flopping messily on his forehead. “How about douchebag? Dickwad? Bi-”

“Shut up!”

“Make me.”

“And how would I go about that, hm?” Her fingers walk up his chest.

“Like this.” And in a rush of movement and fear and elation, Jeongguk closes the distance between her lips and his own, the oxygen draining from his lungs as he presses a kiss to her mouth.

It’s as if the entire world has stopped to take a breath with him, the rustling of the trees and the creaking of the swings frozen in a moment of infinitesimal, earth-shattering stillness. Her lips are soft against his; she tastes like strawberry Chapstick and vanilla milkshake, a drug on his tongue like any other. His hand is at the base of her spine and hers is at the back of his head, threaded through his hair. He is drunk and sober all at once, dizzy yet alert of a thousand sensations at once; he can feel her exhale and the way her weight shifts on his hips and the way her nose grazes his when he pulls away.

Her breath is faint on Jeongguk’s lips, a rush of dizzying intimacy, and then she’s pressing her lips to his, mouthing at their soft plush; he snags her bottom lip between his teeth as his fingers tuck under her jacket, settle against the curve of her side, crave the warmth of her skin against his.

Her fingers twist, the long, shaggy locks knotting around the slender digits as her nails meet his scalp and he groans from the feeling.

He sighs her name against her mouth, held sacred in the coveted pause of the universe, and when her eyes flutter open, he is locked into the emotion that sings so freely from her dark pupils. It entrances him, ensnares him in her web, a siren singing from her rock. He is utterly transfixed by her, and when she blinks once, twice, the haze is lifted. He is suddenly aware of the leaves scraping the ground, the slightly colder air that settles over them as wispy clouds roll in front of the moon. He leans in just a little bit, hoping to get that much closer, desperately chasing the high, but a finger to his lips stills him.

“Hi,” he says, breathy and unbelieving.

“Hey you.” There’s a smile on her face, but it’s matched by an expression he can’t quite read. His hand trails down her arm and she hesitates. “Guk, I-” she begins, stops.

“What is it, baby?” His fingers dance down her spine, settle at the base.

“Jeongguk, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship yet.”

And that’s when his world comes crashing down.

“I just- I don’t know if I can do this yet. I don’t know if I can be who you need me to be right now. I can’t come find you every time you get yourself shitfaced and need someone to bring you home.” She rolls onto one elbow, pushes herself into a sitting position next to him; his arm slips to the side. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that what this is about?” He too sits upright, matches her position. “My habits are the make-or-break for you?”

“That’s not what I said,” she gently corrects. “Because I know you told me that you want to get clean, you don’t want me to be embarrassed of you, and I’m not, Jeongguk. I’m really not. But I don’t think I am who you need in a girlfriend. You deserve someone who’s going to be able to give you time, and right now that’s one thing I don’t have.”

“Who do you think I need in a girlfriend, then? I don’t ‘need’ anybody except for you. You don’t see what I see,” he insists, gesturing widely. “You’re brilliant and warm and you’ve got everything ahead of you. I don’t even deserve you but I want you. Can’t you see? I’d do anything for you.” His cheeks heat; his arms fall. “Is casual fucking easier for you than a relationship because you don’t have to dedicate time to it?”

Her own face flushes in the dim moonlight, rosy hues darkening the apples of her cheeks. “That’s not true and you know it, Jeongguk. What about all the times you stayed over till morning? Or I stayed over your apartment for two days straight? I’m trying to be honest with you, I really am.” There’s hurt in her voice but the blood rushing in his ears drowns out the world around him, the pit in his stomach swallowing every good feeling. “I’m telling you the truth not because I want to hurt you, but because I don’t want you chasing a ghost of something for the rest of your life.”

“But you love me back,” he sounds small even to his own ears. “You love me back.”

“I do.” She takes his larger hand in two of hers. “I love you Jeongguk, so fucking much, but right now I don’t know if I’m ready for us.”

“But what about tonight? What about this? The diner, the playground? You can’t tell me you didn’t feel something,” he begs. “I felt something.”

“I did feel something, yes,” she admits. “Tonight with you was incredible, Guk. You didn’t have to do any of it, but you did anyways.”

“I did it all for you. Can’t you see that?” Jeongguk stands, shoulders tensing, heart breaking. “Can’t you see what I would do for you and more? Can’t you see what I want to do for you? I’ll buy you a dozen roses every day, I’ll raze a mountain, I’ll be whoever you want me to be if you’d just let me fucking love you!” He doesn’t even realize he’s shouting until the sound of his voice rings down the deserted block, and then it sinks in that he shouted at her. She’s shaking just enough for him to notice, and when guilt sinks its needle teeth into his gut, he deflates.

“I’m trying to protect you, Guk.” She stands too, head bowed, refusing to make eye contact. He hates himself for doing this to her. “My only hope is that you’ll realize that soon.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“It’s okay.” She smiles, but it’s painfully empty. She takes a step towards him, pats his arm. “I know the way to my apartment from here. Get home safe, Jeongguk.”

He can’t even bring himself to offer to walk her home, for it’s as if he blinks once and he’s alone, standing firmly planted in the middle of an urban playground, the swings creaking a faint melody as the street light winks a dull amber above him. He reaches into his coat pocket and withdraws a single red rose, examining the crushed petals, mangled from the impact of her having fallen on top of him.

She loves me. She loves me not.

Jeongguk runs his thumb across the stem, wincing as he snags the digit on a thorn.

She loves me not.

For the first time in what feels like forever, her phone is silent.

It doesn’t sigh with a seductive feminine air, the sound of his ringtone slicing through her apartment with a piercingly high-pitched moan. It probably made the neighbors raise an eyebrow on quiet mornings, but they kept her up with the sounds of their late-night trysts anyway. She guessed it was only fair.

Hey Guk, hope you’ve been doing alright. Call me tonight if you get a chance, I finally got around to watching Santa Clarita Diet and wow, you weren’t kidding when you said it’s oddly wholesome as fuck.

One day turns into two, and then three. The first post she sees on Jeongguk’s social media is of a blurry red cup in a filmy haze that is all too familiar, and a fire burns low in her gut.

Hey uh, so my shower head came off and I don’t know how to reattach it. Any advice?

P.S., I should note. In regards to the last text, it came off randomly, not because I sat on it or something. Seriously.

The second is of scraped palms and grinding bodies, heavy trap music blasting from a car stereo, bass thumping wildly.  Four days turns into a week, then a week and a half.

img.jpg

Look at this dog I just saw on the subway. It’s dressed as Marilyn Monroe. I’m not shitting you. I found the costume on Amazon for $25.

The third involves a crowd of strangers and a beer keg, and she doesn’t care to describe it in any further detail.

Hi Jeongguk, I haven’t heard from you in a little while and wanted to ask if you’re doing alright. If you don’t want to hear from me, please just tell me and I’ll stop texting you.

Nothing.

He knows she’s seen his posts. He most certainly knows how they make her feel, too. He knows the game they play, for provocation is an old friend of theirs, made known in the pictures and videos he displays for the world to see. Bad habits, it seems, are easier to slip back into than to break after all.

Then, at the two-and-a-half week mark, late in the evening when she’s perched on the couch in pajamas and a face mask, she sees it.

A blurry photo, taken in a dark bedroom, flash illuminating a bare back, navy sheets twisted around the lower torso. Hair cascading down a pillow, pulled to the side just enough for a violet bruise to be visible, blossoming on the side of the mystery woman’s neck.

The candle flame dancing in her belly ignites into a fucking wildfire.

Before she can even think, she’s sent the text.

You asshole. I fucking hate you.

She doesn’t know if she’d prefer a response or utter silence.

Turns out, she gets the latter.

A month without him hurts.

As quickly as he’d tripped and fallen back into her life, Jeongguk was gone. Ten words out of her mouth and he’s fled back into the world he promised her he’d claw his way out of. The danger of betting your stakes on one person is that when they inevitably fall through, you’ll come crashing down even harder than anticipated. And he bet just about everything on her.

She throws herself into work, doing her best to forget. It’s hard, however, when everything reminds her of him. When a hooded stranger brushes past her on the subway,  sandalwood and sage graze her nostrils; suddenly she’s wrapped in bedsheets, surrounded by cologne and the musk of sex. Instant ramen is a reminder of shitty rom-coms on snowy Tuesday nights and the warmth of a blanket covering tangled legs. Even an Overwatch figurine brings back endless numbers, countless statistics that were rattled off at the mere mention of the O-word. She misses him even more acutely than before.

Jeongguk seems to have made quick work of the past, the chronicles of his new present documented in late-night Snapchat trysts. She sees one, two, three girls decorating his page, and yet they last one post and never appear again. She wonders if they’re merely even just for show.

She gave up hope that week, the fourth week without him. The boy she loved, the man who slotted so easily into her life despite their differences. He was gone, having fled the scene of the crime with the evidence bag, leaving the splintered fragments of her heart behind. And he did so without a second thought.

It was so easy for her to hate him. It was so easy for her to burn the Polaroid photographs they’d taken together, to delete text messages and the playful reminders he set on her phone, to cut out every single scrap of evidence she had that he ever existed. It was so easy to scrub the physical reminders from her surroundings like blood from dirtied fingernails.

And yet, she didn’t. She couldn’t.

Jeongguk wasn’t the easily hated type. At least, not to her.

He had so much of her that he took for granted. The sides that she revealed of herself to him, the only one who even knew they existed, could never be taken back. Whether he liked it or not, he had held her in the palm of his hands, cradling her like a bird with a broken wing. And when it came down to things, he dropped her without a second thought.

After all they’d been through, she couldn’t bring herself to do the same.

That just wasn’t her way.

Bent over the sink, she brushes a strand of hair out of her face with a soapy glove, doubling her attention on a greasy pan.

Some said she forgave too easily. Some said she was too quick to leap to the defenses of others, too trusting in those who had access to her heart. She had always struggled to go against the grain, push back against the very thing that resonated deep in the marrow of her bones. Whether she could help it or not, it was simply who she was, for better or for worse, deep down at her core. It was, at least, who she thought she was.

She scrubs harder at a troublesome crumb of grizzle.

She wasn’t so sure anymore.

3:14am.

She stretches, blinks wearily, squints at the clock on the nightstand table.

She must’ve been imagining things.

Her eyes flutter shut, chasing the alluring clutches of sweet, blessed slumber.

SLAM!

“What the fuck- goddamnit.”

It must be the neighbors’ headboard again.

SLAM!

Her eyes shoot open, because there’s another, more primal sound that accompanies the earth-shattering noise that seems to be emanating from the opposite side of her apartment.

She throws the sheets back, inching across her apartment. Every impact against her front door sounds, to her groggy self, like a bass drum amplified to fill every nook and cranny of her skull. Surely, every neighboring suite would be awoken by the noise, wondering what could 31 could possibly be doing awake at this hour, and why it sounded like a rhinoceros was throwing a temper tantrum in the hallway.

She edges her way to the door, peers through the hole to inspect the contents of the hallway, but nothing seems out of place.

That is, save the choked, heart-wrenching sob that vibrates through the thin wall.

Her fingers close around the doorknob and she pulls, revealing an empty corridor, darkened and silent.

She looks right, and all is quiet.

She looks left, squints a little, and there’s a standing figure slumped against the wall, fingers gripping the chipped doorframe, head braced against the plaster.

“‘M sorry,” are the first words that tumble in a rush out of Jeongguk’s mouth, slurred and heavy.

She moves to close the door over, slowly so that she doesn’t accidentally slam his fingers in the gap, but he shifts to extend one leg, effectively trapping the door open. “Please-”

“Jeongguk-”

“Please,” he looks up at her for the first time, the utter brokenness in his eyes trapping her heart in her throat. His cheeks are stained with tracks of moisture, tears rolling from his waterline as he slumps. “Please.”

The microcosmoi in his pupils swirl, miniature galaxies that are flecked with dappled brown and raven black, eddy with agony and the deepest ache. They speak to her own, the conflict of her heart haunting her inner landscape, and she sighs, hating herself, hating this all-too familiar scene. “No matter where you start, you always end up back here.”

“No matter where I start, you always end up fucking with me somehow,” he exhales, alcohol-tinged breath fanning her face. She barely recoils.

“I thought you said last time was the last time.”

“‘M not as drunk as last time.”

“That doesn’t change a thing and you know it, Jeon Jeongguk.”

“Take me in again, maybe I’ll r’member it this time.” He shudders, hand relaxing on the frame, knees buckling.

She catches him as he lurches forward, arms linking around his waist to support him, stepping backwards into her apartment and stumbling to the couch, where she deposits him into the cushions with a huff. “You know, you’re lucky I didn’t leave you outside. I didn’t want the neighbors calling the cops on you.”

“And if they did?” An audible thump emanates as his head hits the back of the couch, lolling aimlessly. “You’d bail me out an’ways.”

“You don’t know that,” she hisses, dragging the garbage pail to the couch from its ready position by the refrigerator. 

“May be drunk but ’m not stupid,” he breathes, running a hand through the tangled strands of hair that frame his damp face, spill over his brow. “Love makes people do things they wouldn’ admit to in front of God himself.”

“And when did you get so religious?”

“There’s something spiritual about this,” he gestures to the empty room, legs splayed. “The high an’ then the fall. It’s too good to be true an’ then you’ve got a taste and it’s all you want, over and over, ‘til it all comes crashin’ down and then cold reality fuckin’ hits an’ it stings like a motherfuckin’ bitch.”

She stares down at him. “You do it to yourself when you try to drown out the pain. We either learn how to cope or bury it deep down until it rears its head again and then you’re back where you started. Maybe it’s time you tried coping instead of pretending that your hurt doesn’t exist.”

“An’ why do I d’serve that after all the hurt ‘ve dealt you?” His jawline catches the faint light of the corner lamp, casting his profile in shadow. 

“Because you’re a human being, Guk? You’re human like the rest of us, the same flesh and blood.” She kneels at his feet, hand cautiously brushing his knee, then settling. He intakes harshly, shuddering.

“‘M so fucked up an’ you know that an’ you stay. An’ that’s why you won’ date me, ‘cause of this. Disgustin’, fuckin’ asshole me-”

“Jeongguk, you know that’s-”

“‘M so fucked up an’ you know that an’ you stay ‘cause you love me, but you won’ confess to God,” his chest heaves and she stands over him, grabs the pail. “You won’ ‘fess to the one who really matters.”

“Who really matters then? God or you?” She shakes her head. “If you think other people need to see us together for the way I feel about you to be validated, you’re completely wrong.”

“Then why do you hide me?” He stifles a sob with the back of his hand, fresh tears threatening to spill.

Her careful ministrations on his knee pause. “Because I like having you to myself,” she confesses quietly.

“We’ve n’ver been a thing,” his gaze fixes steadily on her face. “N’ver been a real thing.”

“We’ve always been exclusive, though.” She gently squeezes his thigh. “I know you, Jeongguk. And I know that deep down, you commit even if you won’t open your mouth and tell me. I was your first just as you were mine.”

He goes to say something but pauses, eyes wide, face white. Without pause, she lifts the pail and he grabs at the base, burying his face in the mouth and retching. Her fingers brush his hair back from his face, the dampness of his skin clinging to hers, and his whole body shudders in dry heaves. He spits one final time and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “‘Ve been yours from the start.”

“I know, Guk.”

“An’ you never though’ to ask?”

Her eyes flicker to the tear in one cushion, the white stuffing a stark contrast to the dark couch. “I did.”

“An’?”

“You can’t just casually ask your best friend if they’ve been in love with you for your entire lives.”

“We n’ver kept much from each other an’ways.”

Her fingers pause in his hair. “If that’s the case, then answer me something.”

His grip around the bucket tightens.

She inhales once, twice. “Jeongguk, are you running from us?”

His jaw flexes, stiffens.

Her voice lowers. “If we never kept much from each other, why are you running away from this, right now?”

“Shu’ up,” he hisses.

She withdraws her hand; his bangs tumble in his eyes and he tosses his head. “You’re afraid of us, Guk,” she challenged. “You’re afraid of something that’s too good to be true, so you bury the way you feel because it’s easier than admitting you’re afraid of losing your best friend when shit goes south. You’re afraid of throwing everything we have away because one of us will inevitably fuck up, but you don’t have the security of knowing if we’ll make it through. So rather than give your heart away as one whole, you divide it up, partition it off, let me see bits and pieces while keeping the rest under lock and key. But Jeongguk, I’ve seen you. I’ve seen your heart bleed and sing and grieve and I’ve seen it love, too. I know you better than anyone else does. You don’t have to run from me.”

A moment of silence, weighted and thick, hangs low like fog.

When a horrible sob tears its way from his throat, she’s right there to hold him, let him wrap an arm around her waist and bury his face in her pajama shirt. Once again her hands find his hair, working out the knots in a manner she hopes is soothing. “You don’t have to be afraid of us, Jeongguk. You don’t need my validation to know that what we have is real.”

Words spill from the crumpled figure, alcohol seeping from the mouth of the bottle. “I love you,” he blubbers. “Love you so much.”

“I love you,” she assures. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Please don’,” he gasps. His hands cup her face with a tenderness only found in late nights, when the world is quiet and they have only the moon for company.

“I won’t.” She places her own over his before continuing, “You thought I turned you down because your habits are the ‘make-or-break’ for me. But Jeongguk, you were wrong. You weren’t ready then, and neither was I.”

He looks up at her, brows furrowing in confusion. “But my sorry drunk as’ is ready now?”

“You’re not afraid anymore.” Her arms link around his neck and she coughs once. “Neither of us is afraid anymore.”

When he says her name, she looks down, gaze meeting his. The warmth of her clasped hands heats the back of his neck; the strands of his hair brush her knuckles, and she toys with the clasp of the chain he wears. “‘M sorry.”

“It’s okay, Guk.”

“‘S really not. ‘M sorry for ignorin’ you an’ yellin’ at you back at the playground an’ jus’ generally being an’ asshole. Includin’ showin’ up at yer ‘partment an’ makin’ a scene.”

“It’s okay.” A tinge of a smile pulls at the corner of her mouth. “Thank you for the apology.”

He shrugs one shoulder. “You deserve that an’ so much more.”

She sees in his face the want to kiss her, and when he moves to reach her, she pulls away. “Please kiss me when you don’t reek of puke and Hennessy.”

He nods once. “Okay.”

She sighs, hands sliding to his shoulders, feeling the muscle flex under her fingertips as he trails his hands down her hips. “So it looks like we’re back to where we started.”

“Yeah,” he huffs, setting the pail down. “Goin’ in circles is our specialty, I guess.”

“Wanna try moving in a straight line for once?”

“Ar’ you sayin’ that ‘cause it’s like, four-thirty in the mornin’ and you wanna go back to bed?”

“Well, not completely.” She nudges the bucket away with one foot, the smell beginning to permeate the room. “I guess it’s my turn to ask again. What are we?”

A corner of his mouth tugs with a hint of familiarity. “Wha’d’you wan’ us to be?” “Together,” she says hesitantly, then more firmly. “Together, this time.”

“Together. I like that word.” His ministrations on her thighs, soft nondescript patterns traced by adoring fingers, spark heat under her skin.

“But Jeongguk-” she cuts herself off, then begins again. “Jeongguk, there’s gonna need to be some boundaries set.”

“Wha’d’you mean?” He hums.

“Well for starters, we’re going to need to communicate. Like, actually talk about the way we feel instead of just fucking it out, you know?” 

“Done,” he says with way more confidence then she feels. She attributes it to the fact that he’s still utterly wasted.

“It’s not just that, Guk. You can’t run away from this boyfriend thing, and you can’t get completely shitfaced if we have a fight, because then I’ll be the one holding you as you cough your lungs up and then you’ll feel guilty and the whole thing will just repeat itself.”

Jeongguk waves his hand. “‘Ll figure it all out in the morning.”

And with a squeak, she’s hauled onto Jeongguk’s lap, his arms tightening around her as he gazes up at her and for the first time in a very, very long time, feels wholly and completely okay. “Can I kiss you if I brush my teeth firs’?”

“No, gross ass. And this isn’t really a figure it out later kind of thing-”

“Baby,” He hopes he sounds reassuring. “‘Ve gotten this far, right? An’ we’ll get farther, and we’ll figure it out, an’ whatever happens happens, you know?”

“I can’t tell if this is sober you trying to be wise or drunk you trying to be prophetic. Either way, it’s not working.”

“‘Ll figure it out.” He tries to imbue as much warmth and understanding into his voice as humanly possible. To Jeongguk’s ears, he sounds like an angel. To hers, he slurs every other syllable.

“Jeongguk…” she wavers.

“Promise.” He crosses his heart and hooks his pinky finger in the air, waiting for hers just like, she remembers, they used to do in the treehouse in his backyard whenever they made a pact that was supposed to last the rest of their lives. 

She swallows her worry back and blinks, exhaustion tugging its subtle pull on her eyelids. “We will talk about this in the morning.”

“Talk, talk, talk. The firs’ thing ‘m doing in the morning is kissing you real soft an’ slow, because ‘ve got you to myself now, and ‘m gonna revel in it as much ‘s I can.” Jeongguk flexes his pinky. “C’mon. Promise.”

Her digit wraps around his as she murmurs, “Promise.”

His teeth glint as he smiles, a real, slightly loopy Jeongguk smile. “You’re precious.”

She taps the bridge of his nose. “You’re so drunk.”

“I know,” his eyes are glassy and he almost warbles. “I may be drunk righ’ now, but you’re beautiful even when ’m sober.”

She wrinkles her nose in faux disappointment. “That is no way to treat your brand-new girlfriend, Mister Jeon.”

“Girlfriend?” He relaxes into the couch, limbs limp, then sits up and moves to stand. “Jus’ fuckin’ marry me already, baby. Les’ get married-”

She pushes on his chest with ease and he falls without concern. “Ab-so-lutely not, good sir.”

His hands dance down her body to quickly grope her ass. “Why not?” Jeongguk squeaks as her nimble fingers slide down his chest, playfully pinching his nipple. “Fuckin’ love it when you call me sir.”

“I thought you preferred daddy. Besides, you gotta get past boyfriend status first, mister I’m-only-married-to-my-Twitch-Prime-subscription.”

“Tha’ was like, fifteen years ago.”

“Days,” she corrects.

“Whatever. Fuck, you’re an angel,” he groans. 

“Not quite. I don’t think angel will be the name that comes to mind in the morning when you’re hungover as fuck. Again.”

“Last time this happens. Promise this time.” He kneads her thigh, causing warmth to blossom in her chest.

She leans forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. “We’ll see.”

Jeongguk suddenly wrinkles his nose. “Baby, wha’s that?”

“What do you m- Guk, did you knock over the garbage pail?”

“Oh fuck, uh-”

She clambors off of his lap, side-stepping the offending mess. “I’m about to clean an entire gut’s worth of cognac-infused vomit off of my living room floor. You’re really, really lucky that we’re back on unofficially-but-now-officially-dating terms, because let me tell you- wait, did you get it on the rug, too?”

“Y’know, is’ not too late to change those terms.”

“Shut up and go get me the spray bottle under the sink.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you always this obedient? You’re holding out on me in the bedroom.”

Jeongguk winks at her from across the apartment, sliding a casual arm behind his head. “Only for you, baby. Only for you.”

[twitchesandstitches]

hair mutations and mods can be a bit complicated!

there’s two broad variants for hair changes, and its important to note that this applies specifically to humans and similar beings who have hair. something similar might apply to with feathers and fur, or analagous traits (scales on reptilians, and so on) but that’s complicated and so some of these might apply to them, in a broad sense. feel free to speculate on how these might apply to nonhuman entities with different types of hair analogues, but this is about the head floof

firstly, hair mods are super common but don’t usually tend to do a whole lot. they’re usually really low tier and don’t involve major changes; they’re things like making hair grow normally and reversing baldness, making an impossible hair color (metallic purple, dark green, randomly shifting rainbow) the color of all your hair, permanently removing body hair or altering it into some convenient form, and so on. Other varients include shampoo that makes it grow really fast for a short time, or makes it constantly extremely fast permanently until it reaches a certain length; hair alterations so the hair is incredibly strong or tough; conditioner that reshapes the specific kind of hair to alter your texture at will into something impossible or just a different type of hair.

hair-themed powerse fall into this category, usually not too extreme. Things like animated your hair into a bunch of additional limbs or tendrils, making rough constructs with them, and so on. Once hair gets long enough, its common for it to independantly develop the ability to act a bit autonomously, moving around on its own and falling down the right place for modesty or supporting itself to be convenient.

However, especially in the case of the Endowed, once they get powerful enough, things can get weird, and its usually a sign of them hitting some kind of apothesis from��‘lady with some additional abilities’ to ‘utterly posthuman, transcending previous species entirely’

at this point, hair transformations can get fairly wild. it can transform on its own, compacting into a compressed state so that it appears to be normal length even when it is dozens of times longer than the Endowed herself. there are always some degree of it able to move and act on its own, making hair tendrils; minor cases involve it as simply being functional and helpful, but sometiems it becomes a full on power.

the hair invariably becomes way fluffier, thicker, and much, much larger, so that it appears to triple in volume, or more. sometimes this is because the stranges become abnormally wide or thick, several inches across or larger releative to their body. Sometimes it’s completely inexplicably and their hair is just Like That. ever see a character design where their hair is several times bigger than their head? its kind of like that

because of this distinctive look, the Endowed are immediately recognizable and its common for other members of the Fleet, and of other factions who are developing into something similar to them, to emulate their look with mods for additional hair volume. its still very distinct and there’s a subtle difference in it, its hard to say but its definitely there!

[skincaree]

Total Hair Care

Such a beautiful foresight it is to see a lady smiling while the soft wind swings between her lovely locks. And not only do the lads like to see this, but even the lasses love their hair the most. For them, hair handling is the bulk important thing, and then meat care. It cannot be denied that women can do anything and everything to save their locks. The only motivating broker for harmony hair healthy and beautiful is their own mind.

It is a globally known reality that women suffer from mistake spirits swings, which every doc lack to avoid encountering. But even when they have a destructive mindset, they would still make sure that nothing transgression happens to their hair. When in wrath they decide to go for a haircut, even at that time they are cautious of every inch of their hair. Never mess up with their hair, else you will have to facade the rage of the woman!

The entity which type a woman cranky beyond expectations of a man is Hair Problem. We are aware of hair problems like

Hair fall

Dandruff

Brittle and Frizzy Hair

Split ends

Oily Scalp

Stoppage of Hair Growth after one point

These are very common problems, and needless to say that they need proper attention. There are dozens natural usage to these problems, which we can apply on regular basis, but before that, we must know approx what we already are using. The hair usage products that we use need to be intelligently chosen and not just because we are eyesight their promotion on the television

Most of us stay unaware of the reality that our shampoos and conditioners contain some chemicals which damage our hair, or might not be suiting our hair type. The most important entity to observance in brain for hair relation is to know your hair type. There are different types of merchandise which are used for different hair types. Let us get the cognizance of our hair behavior goods and see whether they really are bringing care of our hair or are destroying them slowly.

1. Check the Ingredients of your Product- make sure that your product has least numbering of Surfactants, that is the lather forming chemical. Specially those who have oily scalp, they should not randomly choice up a foam forming shampoo. Avoid using merchandise with SLS (Sodium Laurel/Laurel Sulphate). This chemical forms good lather, but you must know that it is used in industrial detergents! Stop your hair from becoming damaged There is a natural surf called Reetha also called Areetha. You can intervals just two balls of reetha and mix in water, stir it up a bit, and that would pattern enough of lather for you to clean your scalp. Those who have a dry scalp, they must plectrum up a very natural shampoo which would not make their dry and scalp flaky.. This is how we check the chemical composition: the ones written first have the mass of the amount in that shampoo, and the ones written in the conclusion are used in little amounts.

Hair fall is caused by which is commonly used in conditions, shampoos and hair gels. It gives a very deceptive shine to the hair, but the inside yarns is that it breaks the healthy protein and cells which are root factor of hair rising and maintenance. For shiny hair, use oils, rather than chemicals. Protect your skin, while getting a healthy glow without any white cast For details please visit my website: https://fashnos.com/product-category/hair-care/

[digitalconvo]

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Snapshot

The global rheology modifiers market is foreseen to witness a high level of competition among top companies operating therein due to a strong opposition from other players across chief regions. Due to their widespread worldwide presence and sturdy supply chains that facilitate the achievement of a large share, several companies could be minimally affected by the ignorable cost of switching for a greater percentage of consumers. Although there could be a few restraints hampering the growth of rheology modifiers as is the case with most markets, ample of business prospects are anticipated to show face in the coming years.

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The global rheology modifiers market is forecasted to not be exclusively dependent on the printing industry. This could open up new avenues for the market as opportunities take shape on the back of other promising industries such as textiles, pharmaceuticals, and personal care. The demand for rheology modifiers is predicted to testify a telling rise in the near future on account of a towering consumption of personal care products and cosmetics. This growth in the demand could be fortified by the increasing densities of urban population and rising disposable income of consumers.

Two other industries, viz. automotive and consumer goods, are prognosticated to exhibit a soaring demand for rheology modifiers. Moreover, these industries could provide rewarding ventures for companies dealing with rheology modifiers as they garner a massive growth in the foreseeable future. As the demand for rheology modifiers increases in future, it could become effortless for new players to gain access into regional markets and other players to widen their product portfolio.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Overview

Rheology modifiers, popularly known as thickeners or viscosifiers, find applications in different industries such as adhesives, food, inks and coatings, pharmaceuticals, cosmetics and personal care, textile, detergents, ceramics, paper, and paints, among others. Rheology modifiers alter the viscosity of the formulation to impart a particular functionality to the product that ranges from enhancing mouthfeel, body, moisture retention, texture, and suspendability of soluble ingredients to augmenting stability and dry strength, reducing syneresis, thwarting bacterial attack, and stopping shrinkage. Thickeners can be extracted from natural as well as synthetic sources.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Key Trends

The single-most important driver of the global market for rheology modifiers is the paints and coatings industry. This is because the modifiers bring about the desired consistency in the flow to get the required appearance in paints and coatings. Once added to paints, they augment properties such as anti-sagging, emulsion stability, and leveling. The modifiers also serve to enhance the durability of the paints, especially water-based paints. Another factor driving growth in the market is the swift pace of infrastructure building on account of a burgeoning population and fast urbanization.

Hobbling the growth in the global rheology modifiers market, on the contrary, is the declining printing ink consumption because of the soaring popularity of the digital media such as internet, electronic publications, e-books and e-papers that has damped demand for newspapers, books, catalogs, and other printed materials.

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Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Market Potential

The booming personal care industry spells massive opportunity for the global rheology market as the modifiers find application in most personal care products such as shampoos, body lotions, conditioners, and skin creams. Many players are entering into collaborations with personal care products manufacturers to bolster their positions. A case in point is the acquisition of SRLH Holdings that manufactures active ingredients for anti-perspirants by Elementis, a rheological additives company.

Rising fortunes of people worldwide, particularly in India and China will also propel the market in the future. One factor that impacts the manufacture of rheology modifiers market is the volatility in oil prices. This is because crude oil is the primary raw material used to produce the different raw materials for the rheology modifiers synthesis.

A noticeable trend in the global rheology market is the popularity of organic rheology modifiers, mainly used in paints and coatings and pharmaceuticals and construction, to get the required consistency of end-use products.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Regional Outlook

From a geographical standpoint, North America is a key region in the global market for rheology modifiers on account of a robust market in the U.S. The market in the U.S. has seen exponential growth due to the burgeoning demand for personal care products driven by the increasing number of discerning consumers and a sizeable proportion of aging population needing pharmaceutical products. Asia Pacific, however, is slated to overtake the rest of the regions due to increasing construction spending accompanied with a robust demand in the automotive industry. China in Asia Pacific is a major market on account of the massive construction activity in the region due to the increasing population and economic growth.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Competitive Analysis

The global market for rheology modifiers is highly fragmented in which the top five market players together hold just a little over 20% of the market share. Some such well-entrenched industry participants are Ashland, DOW Chemical Company, BASF SE, Lubrizol Corporation, and Arkema Group.

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TMR Research is a premier provider of customized market research and consulting services to business entities keen on succeeding in today’s supercharged economic climate. Armed with an experienced, dedicated, and dynamic team of analysts, we are redefining the way our clients’ conduct business by providing them with authoritative and trusted research studies in tune with the latest methodologies and market trends.

[spiffysixxsense]

1-102

1. favorite season? Autumn 🍁🍂🎃2. prettiest thing u own? Literal pretty, probably silver necklaces. Metaphorically, a purple box of memories with Alex ❤3. do u prefer to be outside or inside? Inside, stupid weather. 4. furthest ever traveled? California (from Michigan) probably. 5. what’s your aesthetic in 3 words? Dark rustic sepia 6 favorite gemstone? Emerald7 best thing about yourself, in your opinion I accommodate to others needs before my own8 best thing about yourself, in other’s opinion “the fact that your always yourself, whether if other people like it or not” - @x-i-a-t9 what’s your weirdest fear? Driving god damnit 😢10 weirdest dream you’ve ever had? Well my most recent dream was about Lionel Fusco (a cop in the show person of interest) being shot and dying. I was like a part of the cast and ran in the hospital room and started crying likeI knew him11 go-to hiding place my bedroom probably 12 favorite place in your house- also my bedroom13 earliest memory so I have 2 memories from California (I moved from there when I was 4) one is walking along a major road, but I was on a dirt path. And a HUGE (to baby me) chain link fence was to my left. The other one was walking through a pristine neighborhood, with bleach white sidewalk and dark green grass. 14 do you believe in ghosts? Literally, no. I don’t think we are some spiritual entity. However I think ghosts are super cool so I choose to believe somehow it’s possible 😂15 favorite sea creature? Sea turtles I guess16 cold showers or hot baths? Man, neither. Cold shower if I had to pick. 17 satin or lace? Lace (even though it rips easier)18 gold or silver? Silver 19 hoops or pearl earrings? Pearls 20 aesthetic song “call me when your sober” - evanescence21 top 5 songs oh man. This is impossible. I like so much music. It depends on the day and my mood. But I’ll signal boost the recent ones - American Arson, Graceful Closure. Now my long time favorites - Nickelback, Shinedown, three days grace. I know the question said songs BUT I CAN’T PICK 22 favorite time of the day? Dusk 23 favorite part of your body? My eyes I guess24 do you drink alcohol? No. 25 dream job from when u were a kid “scientist” (I think I meant a chemist) 26 messy or clean? Clean 27 tea or coffee? Tea28 favorite book Injustice and Indefensible by Lee Goodman (those are two books but one story) 29 zodiac sign? Taurus 30 extrovert or introvert? Introvert31 celebrity crush? Jim Caviezel 32 early bird or night owl? Night owl33 do you believe in love at first sight? No. Infatuation sure. 34 favorite book quote “But what the objective self knows and what the mischievous self conscious conjures can be different things indeed” 35 three wishes you have to not be anxious, to not be depressed, and to be successful. 36 do you believe in magic? What? No? The fact that magic ISN’T real is what makes it more impressive 37 do you believe in soulmates? Yes 🖤38 zoo or aquarium? Both. I say aquarium just because it’s all inside and ACed39 cats or dogs? Cats 🐱40 how many languages do you speak? A whole 141 how has your life changed from last year? My best friend will no longer live 5 minutes away 😢😢😢42 why do you have your name/url? Because I like Nikki Sixx and the word spiffy 43 do you keep secrets? how well? Yes. Pretty well. 44 favorite animal big cats45 what is love to you? Alex dealing with me46 future children name? Gizmo, pop tart, noodle. Did I mention I prefer cats? 47 favorite color dark teal48 favorite movie a beautiful mind & memento 49 cuddles or kisses? Why not both?50 if you could have any person in the world over for dinner, who would be? Nikki Sixx51 someone to bring back from the dead Kurt Cobain or Jimmi Hendrix 52 lipstick or lipgloss? LIPSTICK 53 are you street smart or book smart? Neither really54 your biggest strength being able to push aside all of my problems when I have something i need to do 55 favorite sport hockey 56 favorite drink? Fruit Flavored tea or lemonade (or all mixed together?) 57 favorite winter activity laying in a warm cozy bed58 last time you went abroad never 😂 I don’t really want to 59 favorite dessert my grandma makes this random cake type thing that is hard to explain. It’s lemon pound cake, then a condensed milk whip cream stuff, and strawberries all layered together 60 favorite artist like painter? Actual artist? I have no idea 61 favorite singer/band Shinedown 62 favorite dancing song Into the Night - Santana63 favorite crying song call me when your sober- evanescence or call me - shinedown (ignore the similarity) 64 do you wear glasses? No I just be out here seeing 65 first thing you do when you wake up check my phone 66 how long do u usually sleep for? 5ish hours 67 one thing you lost and you want back my DAMN BLACK CONVERSE WHERE DID THEY GO? 68 biggest fear failure 69 favorite carnival ride the one where I get the stay on the ground 70 do u have birthmarks or scars? I have a light birthmark on my left hip . Most of my scars have actually faded away, which I guess is nice. 71 favorite childhood memory being happy in general 72 what do u think about during a storm? The calming sounds of it73 one word to describe your life? Complicated 74 craziest thing ever done i am the furthest from crazy. Nothing comes to mind 75 do u have piercings or tattoos? No 76 favorite flower lillies77 do u have any pets? A black kitty and an orange corn snake78 describe your style comfy dark colors79 choose one thing to change about yourself my phobias/anxiety80 do u play any musical instruments? No 😢81 if your life was a movie would it be a comedy, a rom-com, action film or drama? A dramatic Rom com. Starts out drama and ends in rom com (hopefully)82 do u prefer dark, dramatic makeup or natural makeup? Dark and dramatic. Gimme that burgundy lipstick 83 favorite perfume honestly just floral scents from bath and body works works for me. 84 biggest fandom criminal minds I guess 85 favorite YouTuber(s) Jenna Marbles 86 OTP Jenna and Julien. 87 country, state where you were born Orange county, California, USA. 88 your parent’s name Roy and Sharon 89 favorite snack salsa con queso and tortilla chips90 pasta or pizza pasta if it has Alfredo sauce 91 pen or pencil PEN I HATE PENCILS92 blue or black ink blue 93 paper books or electronic books? Paper books 94 history or geography? Geography 95 pastel or neon neon 97 soap or body wash body wash98 conditioner, no conditioner, or 2 in 1 shampoo & conditioner? conditioner 99 singing in the shower or not? Not. Dance though 100 listen to music while bathing or silence music101 blow dry, towel dry, or air dry your hair towel dey and then air dry 102 morning or night showers? Night

[11beautycs]

Best Beauty Tips: Hair Care For Anyone With Any Hair Type

You may think of hair care as something that's hard to do, but that's not the case. Taking therapy of your hair the right means depends on you knowing the prerogative way to treat it. In the chasing best honor tips for hair relation article you'll find recommendation that evidence assistance you to keeping your hair in tip-top shape.

Every time you use heat on your hair you are damaging it, and this goes for strikes drying it. The best way to do it is to use the cold air setting and harmony the blow dryer moving, so it does not stay on one locations for more than a few seconds. Use your fingers to untangle knots, and then dry your hair gently before you brush it.

Beautiful hair depends on a healthy diet. Just like any other part of your body, your hair requires proper nutrition in order to grow. A deficiency in nutrients could lead to brittle, weak and unattractive hair. You tins even lose hair if you have a transgression enough deficiency. Be sure that you're eating right so that you have the best hair possible. Having a healthy food diet is perhaps one of the most important of our best glory tips creature shared in this article.

MORE BEST BEAUTY TIPS! You should let your hair air dry, or utility a towel instead of heat styling. The heat from blow dryers can offense hair.

Avoid departing to the salon to get a facsimile of your friend's hairstyle just because it looks good on her. You could end up with a high-maintenance hairstyle or a cut that doesn't seeming privilege with your face. This can lead to you not following through with your hair attitude routine. Talk with your stylist in order to determine the best possible cut for you.

Understand that everyone's hair changes as they age. Your hair may become drier, more brittle or more gray. If you are really lucky, you could complexity a texture transformation, from curly to straight, or the other way around. Should these changes affair you, consult with a physician.

Dry hair should be center conditioned. If you have problems with brittle and dry hair, you could type use of a conditioning treatment at home. Just dampen your clean hair. Then apply a good count of this thick conditioner as you massage it thoroughly through your hair. Then place a plastic cap over your rosh and allow the conditioner to soak into your locks for around 30 minutes. Wash and rinse your hair completely for more wetness in your hair.

MORE BEST BEAUTY TIPS! You indispensability to wait until two age after coloring your hair to wash it. This hair tins be damaged when you do that and it can also wash the color privilege out.

Another one of our best beauty tips is to be wary of applying gels, hairsprays or other hair behavior merchandise directly to your scalp. Your scalp and hairline can end up with clogged pores and pimples can form if you get the goods on your scalp. Avoid these unsightly and uncomfortable possessions by limiting application of merchandise exclusively to your hair.

If you have a limited numbering of time to make your hair look classy, it is a good theory to use clamps, gossip claws or other hair accessories. You can use clips to put hair up lots different procedure in just a few minutes. To tame bangs or unruly curls, use one or two bobby pins.

Perhaps this is the mass interesting of our best honor tips. Make sure you peacefulness on silk or satin pillow cases. Cotton weave may cause fracture by snagging hair strands. The silk or satin will allow your hair to slide across the pillow without catching. If you don't do this, then you tins also utility a scrunchie to tie up your hair.

MORE BEST BEAUTY TIPS! Wash your hair twice weekly if it is curly. Curly hair needs natural oils in lineup to luster and look healthy, and too scads shampooing evidence team the oil, creating a dull look.

Do you like soft and shiny hair? You tins make it that medium with your own mixture. This formula only has a single ingredient. Just mix half of an ovum white into your scalp for 5 minutes. Once you're done, wash the egg away with shampoo. You evidence start observing better in no time.

There are lots things that can cause dandruff. A poor diet, stress and flesh stipulation tins all broker a dry, itchy and flaky scalp. That seems counter-intuitive, but it is true. The best entity that you should do is get mild shampoo or one that is made for dandruff.

If you have curly hair, you should avoid washing it more than twice a week. Also you should use a detangler daily, while your hair is wet. To holding frizz down, don't utility a blow-dryer.

MORE BEST BEAUTY TIPS! Generally, livelihood in a healthy way will help your hair to subordination healthy. Try staying away from stress and smoking, get some exercise, and deferment hydrated for the best hair.

If you have a healthy body, you testament probably have healthy hair. Your hair should be taken relation of from inside of you by consuming a nutritious and healthy diet, along with drinking lots of water. Fruits and vegetables, whole grains, beneficial fats and lean protein all lend to happy and healthy hair.

Once you have read these best glory tips you will understand that it is not as difficult as you imagined https://www.beauty-secrets.us/ to behavior for your hair properly. Hopefully you have learned enough here to get you ready to get your hair back into shape. A little effort evidence go a long means towards having healthy and beautiful hair which is an important segment of education how to be beautiful!

[lilywhiteflower-blog]

Rheology Modifiers Market - Detailed assessment of the vendor landscape 2017 - 2025

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Snapshot

The global rheology modifiers market is foreseen to witness a high level of competition among top companies operating therein due to a strong opposition from other players across chief regions. Due to their widespread worldwide presence and sturdy supply chains that facilitate the achievement of a large share, several companies could be minimally affected by the ignorable cost of switching for a greater percentage of consumers. Although there could be a few restraints hampering the growth of rheology modifiers as is the case with most markets, ample of business prospects are anticipated to show face in the coming years.

The global rheology modifiers market is forecasted to not be exclusively dependent on the printing industry. This could open up new avenues for the market as opportunities take shape on the back of other promising industries such as textiles, pharmaceuticals, and personal care. The demand for rheology modifiers is predicted to testify a telling rise in the near future on account of a towering consumption of personal care products and cosmetics. This growth in the demand could be fortified by the increasing densities of urban population and rising disposable income of consumers.

Two other industries, viz. automotive and consumer goods, are prognosticated to exhibit a soaring demand for rheology modifiers. Moreover, these industries could provide rewarding ventures for companies dealing with rheology modifiers as they garner a massive growth in the foreseeable future. As the demand for rheology modifiers increases in future, it could become effortless for new players to gain access into regional markets and other players to widen their product portfolio.

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Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Overview

Rheology modifiers, popularly known as thickeners or viscosifiers, find applications in different industries such as adhesives, food, inks and coatings, pharmaceuticals, cosmetics and personal care, textile, detergents, ceramics, paper, and paints, among others. Rheology modifiers alter the viscosity of the formulation to impart a particular functionality to the product that ranges from enhancing mouthfeel, body, moisture retention, texture, and suspendability of soluble ingredients to augmenting stability and dry strength, reducing syneresis, thwarting bacterial attack, and stopping shrinkage. Thickeners can be extracted from natural as well as synthetic sources.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Key Trends

The single-most important driver of the global market for rheology modifiers is the paints and coatings industry. This is because the modifiers bring about the desired consistency in the flow to get the required appearance in paints and coatings. Once added to paints, they augment properties such as anti-sagging, emulsion stability, and leveling. The modifiers also serve to enhance the durability of the paints, especially water-based paints. Another factor driving growth in the market is the swift pace of infrastructure building on account of a burgeoning population and fast urbanization.

Hobbling the growth in the global rheology modifiers market, on the contrary, is the declining printing ink consumption because of the soaring popularity of the digital media such as internet, electronic publications, e-books and e-papers that has damped demand for newspapers, books, catalogs, and other printed materials.

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Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Market Potential

The booming personal care industry spells massive opportunity for the global rheology market as the modifiers find application in most personal care products such as shampoos, body lotions, conditioners, and skin creams. Many players are entering into collaborations with personal care products manufacturers to bolster their positions. A case in point is the acquisition of SRLH Holdings that manufactures active ingredients for anti-perspirants by Elementis, a rheological additives company.

Rising fortunes of people worldwide, particularly in India and China will also propel the market in the future. One factor that impacts the manufacture of rheology modifiers market is the volatility in oil prices. This is because crude oil is the primary raw material used to produce the different raw materials for the rheology modifiers synthesis.

A noticeable trend in the global rheology market is the popularity of organic rheology modifiers, mainly used in paints and coatings and pharmaceuticals and construction, to get the required consistency of end-use products.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Regional Outlook

From a geographical standpoint, North America is a key region in the global market for rheology modifiers on account of a robust market in the U.S. The market in the U.S. has seen exponential growth due to the burgeoning demand for personal care products driven by the increasing number of discerning consumers and a sizeable proportion of aging population needing pharmaceutical products. Asia Pacific, however, is slated to overtake the rest of the regions due to increasing construction spending accompanied with a robust demand in the automotive industry. China in Asia Pacific is a major market on account of the massive construction activity in the region due to the increasing population and economic growth.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Competitive Analysis

The global market for rheology modifiers is highly fragmented in which the top five market players together hold just a little over 20% of the market share. Some such well-entrenched industry participants are Ashland, DOW Chemical Company, BASF SE, Lubrizol Corporation, and Arkema Group.

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[deniscollins]

A $21,000 Cosmetology School Debt, and a $9-an-Hour Job

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the median annual wage for a cosmetologist is $24,850. Those in the top 10 percent earn more than $50,000, or nearly $25 an hour. In Iowa, for-business cosmology schools charge about $20,000 for education, training, and supplies to obtain a license, often paid for by student loans, which, if earning $24,500 a year, then takes years to pay back and makes paying daily living expenses very difficult. Who is to blame for this crippling student debt: (1) the student who borrowed the money, (2) the loan providers, or (3) the licensing schools? Why? What are the ethics underlying your choice?

When she was in cosmetology school, Tracy Lozano had a love-hate relationship with weekday mornings. Those predawn moments were the only time she saw her infant daughter awake, and she savored them. When the time came to hand the baby to her own mother, she said in a recent interview, she would stifle her tears, letting them roll only when she had closed the door behind her.

She would put on her game face when she pulled into the parking lot of the Iowa School of Beauty, just outside Des Moines. From what Ms. Lozano could tell, a cosmetology license was a realistic way to ensure a better life, and she was willing to make sacrifices. While also working nights at a Pizza Hut, she borrowed $21,000 to cover tuition and salon supplies and put in eight-hour days at the school for the better part of a year.

The amount of time Ms. Lozano spent learning to give haircuts, manicures and facials was enormous, but the requirement was set by the state, and she didn’t much question it. She was determined to earn enough money to move out of her mother’s house. Only a few weeks after getting her cosmetology license in 2005, she was hired at a local Great Clips.

The job, though, paid just $9 an hour, which meant that her days double-shifting at Pizza Hut weren’t over. Even with tips, Ms. Lozano didn’t earn more than $25,000 in any of her first few years as a cosmetologist. For years, she relied on food stamps and health insurance from the state. She couldn’t cover living expenses and keep chipping away at her loan payments. Thirteen years after graduating, she still owes more than $8,000.

What Ms. Lozano didn’t know was that the state-regulated school system she had put her faith in relies on a business model in which the drive for revenue often trumps students’ educational needs. For-profit schools dominate the cosmetology training world and reap money from taxpayers, students and salon customers. They have beaten back attempts to create cheaper alternatives, even while miring their students in debt. In Iowa in particular, the companies charge steep prices — nearly $20,000 on average for a cosmetology certificate, equivalent to the cost of a two-year community-college degree twice over — and they have fought to keep the required number of school hours higher than anywhere else in the country.

Each state sets its own standards. Most require 1,500 hours, and some, like New York and Massachusetts, require only 1,000. Iowa requires 2,100 — that’s a full year’s worth of 40-hour workweeks, plus an extra 20. By comparison, you can become an emergency medical technician in the state after 132 hours at a community college. Put another way: An Iowa cosmetologist who has a heart attack can have her life saved by a medic with one-sixteenth her training.

There’s little evidence that spending more hours in school leads to higher wages. Nor is there proof that extra hours result in improved public safety. But one relationship is clear: The more hours that students are forced to be in school, the more debt they accrue. Among cosmetology programs across the nation, Iowa’s had the fourth-highest median student debt in 2014, according to federal data.

Walk into any hair salon in Iowa and you’re likely to find a stylist making $10 an hour who loves her job but is struggling to pay off her student loans. Over 10 months, in visits to a dozen salons and in conversations with 37 former Iowa cosmetology students — and an additional 25 in other states — we heard a variety of opinions about how much training the profession requires and the financial returns it offers. And we heard again and again how the dream of becoming a professional hairstylist, or someday owning a salon, can be stymied by debt.

The issue is national. More than 177,000 people enroll in for-profit beauty schools across the United States each year, which on average charge more than $17,000 for tuition, fees and supplies to earn a cosmetology certificate.

Across the Iowa border, in Fremont, Neb., Ashley Sandoval makes $10.50 an hour at another Great Clips location. In the five years since she graduated from cosmetology school, she said, interest has ballooned her debt from $22,000 to $29,000. “I’ll be paying it off for the rest of my life,” Ms. Sandoval said.

The Iowa Cosmetology School Association, which acts on behalf of several of the 13 companies that own schools in the state, would not make a representative available for an interview. But the association did provide written responses to questions through its lobbyist, Threase A. Harms. The group said that its primary concern was successfully preparing students, not making money, and that differences in state regulations made comparing hours difficult. The association also doesn’t see the crippling student debt as the schools’ fault, citing the fact that students are allowed to take out more in loans than is necessary to cover educational expenses. “We have students graduating with minimal debt because they made wise choices,” the association said.

‘A business first, and a school second’

Cosmetology schools have a unique business model in the for-profit school world. They have two main streams of revenue. The first comes from students, often in the form of taxpayer-funded grants and loans to pay for the tuition. Cosmetology schools took in nearly $1.2 billion in federal grants and loans during the 2015-16 school year.

The second stream is the salon work the students do while in school. They spend some time in classrooms learning about, for example, chemicals and how to sanitize the work space, but once they’ve hit a certain number of hours, they start working on real clients in salons run by the schools. In full-time programs, going to school becomes a full-time job, where students clock in and out for seven- or eight-hour shifts.

The total number of required hours varies, but all states require some amount of practice with paying customers. In Iowa, students spend 715 hours in the classroom and 1,385 hours on the floor.

Prices for these salon services — which include haircuts, manicures, facials and, at some schools, massages — are typically set below market rates to attract customers. The salons also sell shampoo, conditioner and other beauty products. One Iowa student said he and others had gotten perks (such as trips and special training) if they sold enough products. Another student, who sued a school in Pennsylvania, reported that her grades were partly based on whether she offered salon products to clients.

The schools don’t have to pay students for the services they provide; in fact, the students pay tuition for the hours they work in the salons.

All told, for-profit cosmetology schools nationwide brought in more than $200 million in revenue from their salons in the 2015-16 school year, according to federal statistics. Most schools are small, privately owned entities that do not have to disclose their profits.

“Without the revenue coming from those salons, most of these schools wouldn’t be profitable, or it would be marginal,” said Leon Greenberg, a lawyer in Las Vegas who has examined the financial documents of several schools he unsuccessfully sued under the Fair Labor Standards Act. “It’s pretty much ingrained in their business model.”

Some schools have pushed their business models to the legal limit — and beyond, according to government regulators.

La’ James International College owns six of the 27 cosmetology schools in Iowa, plus one in Nebraska and another in Illinois. Iowa’s attorney general sued the school in 2014, accusing it of defrauding students through deceptive marketing and enrollment practices. Under a settlement, the school admitted no wrongdoing but agreed to forgive almost $2.2 million in student debt. It had to pay a $500,000 fine, and the owners — Cynthia Becher and her son, Travis Becher — had to personally pay fines of $25,000 each. The federal government also placed La’ James under restrictive monitoring for alleged mishandling of students’ financial aid. (The Bechers declined to comment on the suit.)

Lisa Shaw, a former La’ James massage instructor, said Ms. Becher had met with staff members regularly and often told them, “This is a business first, and a school second.”

Ms. Shaw and Bez Lancial-McMullen, a former La’ James cosmetology instructor at the campus in Davenport, Iowa, recalled attending meetings in which company officials spoke of the need to maintain sizable profits. Students were regularly pulled out of Ms. Lancial-McMullen’s classes to work in the salon, she said. Other complaints submitted to the attorney general’s office about the school describe similar practices, although the Bechers have consistently denied the claims.

Both women eventually resigned because they objected to the way students were being treated. Ms. Shaw left in 2014, saying the company’s owners looked at students “as dollar signs.”

“I feel like the school is predatory,” Ms. Shaw said. “I could no longer be a part of taking people’s money and then treating them like that.”

Stephanie Wood Becher, who is the school’s director of marketing (and Travis Becher’s wife), denied that Cynthia Becher would ever tell employees to put the school’s business needs first.

“Education and betterment of the student is always and has always been the #1 priority for her and L.J.I.C.,” Ms. Wood Becher wrote in an email.

La’ James had to open its books during the attorney general’s lawsuit, revealing annual profits that ranged from $1.2 million to $3.4 million from 2009 through 2012. In Iowa, tuition, fees and supplies for its cosmetology program come to $21,500 per student.

Compared with other institutions, “I think we’re cheap,” Mr. Becher said, noting that the cost includes books and supply kits. “We’re private. We’re not public. We don’t get tax breaks.”

The Becher family also owns more than a dozen limited liability companies, which include a distribution center for its salon products. In 2017, the United States Department of Education reprimanded La’ James for failing to publicly disclose a rape in a dorm in Nebraska. Federal law requires colleges to publish annual security reports and logs about crimes on campus, which La’ James failed to do, “exposing students and staff to potential harm,” according to government reviewers.

Joni Buresh, the school’s compliance officer, said in an email that the security reports were available to students, and that she believed that the law requiring crime logs didn’t apply to campuses like the one in Nebraska. She acknowledged that a rape had been reported to the police but said that school officials “honestly are not confident that this rape incident ever occurred.” Ms. Buresh said they had now filed the paperwork requested by the federal reviewers.

Doing ‘absolutely nothing,’ for credit

In 2016, Glenda Martin wasn’t aware of any trouble brewing between La’ James and the federal government, or that the school had spent the previous two years in a legal dispute with the Iowa attorney general’s office.

All she knew was that cosmetology was in her blood, as she likes to say. Her mother was a cosmetologist, and started teaching her how to style hair when she was a preteen. There was never any doubt about what career Ms. Martin would pursue. The only question was where to enroll.

The way she saw it, she had only for-profit options: PCI Academy, an hour away in Ames, or La’ James International College in Fort Dodge, where she lived. (One community college campus offers a cosmetology degree, but it’s in a sparsely populated corner of the state, three hours from Fort Dodge.) She had heard that PCI students were pressured to push a certain number of products before they could get their own kits.

“I would have enjoyed another choice here in town,” she said. “I would have definitely checked it out.”

Unknown to Ms. Martin, there could have been another option, just a few miles down the road: Iowa Central Community College. In the fall of 2004, the college submitted an application to the state cosmetology board to open a program. But in early 2005, the Iowa Cosmetology School Association and La’ James sued Iowa Central and got a temporary injunction that prevented it from moving forward with the program.

The lawsuit argued that the state code prohibits public entities from competing with private ones. If Iowa Central opened a cheaper program, the suit contended, La’ James would be “irreparably harmed by the loss of employees, members, clients, students, potential employees, potential clients, potential students” and other factors.

Mr. Becher said the company had sued to “protect the students” from a subpar education. Ms. Wood Becher added, “It’s kind of a quality control thing.”

The two sides ultimately compromised; students could earn associate degrees by completing cosmetology certificates at La’ James and taking six business classes at Iowa Central. La’ James lost nothing in the deal, but students lost the option of paying significantly less.

The Iowa Cosmetology School Association said its members’ prices are “consistent with the cost of all postsecondary education today” — particularly considering that they do not receive state subsidies. The average annual in-state cost of attendance at Iowa’s community colleges is $4,697. The University of Iowa, the state’s most expensive public four-year institution, costs $9,492 per year for in-state students.

This year, Iowa Lakes Community College, about three hours northwest of Des Moines, announced plans to offer a cosmetics degree. The college’s president, Valerie Newhouse, said one cosmetology school had already threatened litigation.

In 2016, Ms. Martin went for a short tour of the La’ James campus in Fort Dodge. The school’s storefront was airy and glamorous. Hair products lined the walls under enlarged photographs of well-coiffed women. Makeup displays were fronted by placards advertising the services available in the student-staffed salon. Students dressed in black shirts and pants.

Before her visit was over, Ms. Martin filled out her enrollment and financial aid paperwork. She took out $23,000 in loans.

Ms. Martin liked La’ James at first, she said, but quickly discovered problems. She found the classes boring and repetitive. Some instructors had students read aloud from textbooks and watch instructional videos.

Ms. Martin said that she supported Iowa’s 2,100-hour requirement in theory — as did several of the women we spoke with — but that in practice, many of those hours were wasted, particularly once she got to the salon floor.

Although Fridays and Saturdays would be busy, the rest of the week generally dragged. She’d be itching to practice what she had been learning in class. But some days there were so few customers that she’d sit and wait for hours.

One day, she braved a snowstorm to get to the salon. The school had stayed open, requiring students to come in. Ms. Martin was the only one who did. She left at the end of the day without having seen a single customer — but those hours still counted toward the 2,100.

She would shake her head when she saw other students, sick of the boredom, go home early. “That only works against you,” she said. “You have to stay here and do absolutely nothing or you go home and lose the hours.”

The Iowa Cosmetology School Association said the state’s system “provides the right amount of training time to practice on actual people.” It also said that if some students waste hours sitting around, “it is unfortunate for both the student and the school.”

In interviews, more than 20 former students at schools represented by the association described experiences like Ms. Martin’s. One former La’ James student, Michelle Wipperman, said foot traffic in the salon at the Cedar Rapids school was so low, some students asked administrators if they could advertise more. She recalls being told that it would be too expensive.

“I would say probably 60 percent of our time was sitting around waiting for people,” Ms. Wipperman said. “There were times where I personally had met all my goals that I needed to meet. I was literally just waiting. I had to finish my clock hours.”

Despite these experiences, when Ms. Martin finished her cosmetology certificate, she re-enrolled for further training in esthetics. She thought the extra skills would help her someday in her own salon.

Ms. Martin passed both her exams. But the school will not release her transcripts, so she can get her licenses, until she pays the several hundred dollars it says she owes. She disputes the debt and says she can’t afford to pay.

The fight to reduce hours

In the last five years, legislators in at least 11 states have introduced bills to lower the number of hours required for a cosmetology certificate. These efforts are driven by a mix of antiregulatory libertarians, national salon chains that are having trouble hiring enough qualified stylists and the national association for cosmetologists, which wants its members to be able to carry their licenses across state lines.

While aggressive lobbying by schools has managed to stall or defeat legislation in several states, at least eight have reduced the number of hours in their regulations. In recent years, required hours were lowered to 1,500 in South Dakota and Montana. And Nebraska legislators, after a long battle with the schools, trimmed their mandate to 1,800 hours.

Administrators from schools in those states disagreed with the reductions, but said they were still able to cover the same material as before.

Iowa, with its 2,100-hour standard, remains “an embarrassment,” said Dawn Pettengill, a Republican state representative who will retire next month. Hoping to lower the profession’s barrier to entry, Ms. Pettengill this year introduced legislation that would drop the hours to 1,500. Republicans in the Senate proposed a similar bill.

Schools and their lobbyists mounted a fierce pushback. The schools “were livid,” said State Senator Jason Schultz, a Republican subcommittee chairman. “I didn’t expect the amount of opposition.”

The school association’s political action committee had given more than $20,000 to Iowa candidates since 2014. It also had three lobbyists registered with the state; for the last session, the organization paid the lobbyists’ company $12,500.

While the dollar amounts weren’t huge, a little goes a long way in Des Moines. Hearings weren’t publicized, or even required, giving an advantage to the well-organized group.

The schools argued that maintaining 2,100 hours was crucial to ensuring that students were able to learn everything needed to run salons in rural parts of the state, including nails, esthetics, business and state law, not just hairstyling. Their courses, they said, provide more depth than those in other states.

A review of cosmetology curriculums nationally, however, shows that most states teach subjects beyond hairstyling. More than half explicitly mandate instruction in law or business topics.

The Iowa school association also maintained that important differences in regulations complicated comparisons of schools across state lines. In Massachusetts, for example, a recent graduate must work under supervision for two years.

“We do not feel it is necessary to lower the standards of Iowa’s education just because other states have done so,” the association said. “It doesn’t make sense to us to produce graduates that come out of our programs with less skills, less confidence and who are less likely to succeed.”

At a subcommittee hearing on the Senate bill, only one person testified in favor of fewer hours. Senator Schultz said that he had wanted the bill to move forward, but that since “only one side showed up,” he couldn’t justify it. Both bills died in committee.

It’s not clear how much money the schools would lose if they no longer had students working on salon floors for so many hours. In Nebraska, schools argued at hearings that they would have to raise their tuition to make up for lost revenue if the state reduced the hours. La’ James supported, but did not testify in favor of, Iowa’s legislation, and the Empire Education Group, which owns the nation’s largest chain of cosmetology schools, has backed legislation in Ohio to drop the hour requirement to 1,000.

The increased scrutiny on cosmetology regulations at the state level follows a federal Department of Education effort, starting in 2009, to crack down on for-profit schools that charge high tuitions for credentials that do not lead to well-paying jobs. For each program, the department compiled so-called gainful employment information, which compared student debt with earnings after graduation and issued ratings. The figure for all programs nationally was 24 percent.

Cosmetology programs fared particularly poorly: Nearly 40 percent of them, including 12 in Iowa, either failed or were in a warning “zone,” indicating that their students were not making enough to comfortably pay back their debts.

Cosmetology schools say the numbers do not accurately capture what their graduates earn in an industry with so many tips. And it is true that cosmetologists have the potential to make a good living. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the median annual wage for a cosmetologist is $24,850. Those in the top 10 percent earn more than $50,000, or nearly $25 an hour. The problem is that most of these professionals flounder for years before getting to that point, if they reach it at all.

After more than seven years on the job, Ms. Lozano finally got a raise. But that meant the loan payments she had been able to defer came due.

The money she’ll use to finish paying them most likely won’t come from haircuts. Ms. Lozano plans to go back to school to become a registered nurse. If she’s able to find a position in that line of work, she could more than double her current salary. And it will give her and her daughter, who wants to be a doctor, another thing to bond over.

“I told her she wasn’t allowed to go to school for hair,” Ms. Lozano said. “I don’t want her going through the same thing that I did — the debt, and everything after the fact. I won’t let her do it.”

[priyankaganguly-blog]

Rheology Modifiers Market - Qualitative Insights On Industry 2025

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Snapshot

The global rheology modifiers market is foreseen to witness a high level of competition among top companies operating therein due to a strong opposition from other players across chief regions. Due to their widespread worldwide presence and sturdy supply chains that facilitate the achievement of a large share, several companies could be minimally affected by the ignorable cost of switching for a greater percentage of consumers. Although there could be a few restraints hampering the growth of rheology modifiers as is the case with most markets, ample of business prospects are anticipated to show face in the coming years.

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The global rheology modifiers market is forecasted to not be exclusively dependent on the printing industry. This could open up new avenues for the market as opportunities take shape on the back of other promising industries such as textiles, pharmaceuticals, and personal care. The demand for rheology modifiers is predicted to testify a telling rise in the near future on account of a towering consumption of personal care products and cosmetics. This growth in the demand could be fortified by the increasing densities of urban population and rising disposable income of consumers.

Two other industries, viz. automotive and consumer goods, are prognosticated to exhibit a soaring demand for rheology modifiers. Moreover, these industries could provide rewarding ventures for companies dealing with rheology modifiers as they garner a massive growth in the foreseeable future. As the demand for rheology modifiers increases in future, it could become effortless for new players to gain access into regional markets and other players to widen their product portfolio.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Overview

Rheology modifiers, popularly known as thickeners or viscosifiers, find applications in different industries such as adhesives, food, inks and coatings, pharmaceuticals, cosmetics and personal care, textile, detergents, ceramics, paper, and paints, among others. Rheology modifiers alter the viscosity of the formulation to impart a particular functionality to the product that ranges from enhancing mouthfeel, body, moisture retention, texture, and suspendability of soluble ingredients to augmenting stability and dry strength, reducing syneresis, thwarting bacterial attack, and stopping shrinkage. Thickeners can be extracted from natural as well as synthetic sources.

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Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Key Trends

The single-most important driver of the global market for rheology modifiers is the paints and coatings industry. This is because the modifiers bring about the desired consistency in the flow to get the required appearance in paints and coatings. Once added to paints, they augment properties such as anti-sagging, emulsion stability, and leveling. The modifiers also serve to enhance the durability of the paints, especially water-based paints. Another factor driving growth in the market is the swift pace of infrastructure building on account of a burgeoning population and fast urbanization.

Hobbling the growth in the global rheology modifiers market, on the contrary, is the declining printing ink consumption because of the soaring popularity of the digital media such as internet, electronic publications, e-books and e-papers that has damped demand for newspapers, books, catalogs, and other printed materials.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Market Potential

The booming personal care industry spells massive opportunity for the global rheology market as the modifiers find application in most personal care products such as shampoos, body lotions, conditioners, and skin creams. Many players are entering into collaborations with personal care products manufacturers to bolster their positions. A case in point is the acquisition of SRLH Holdings that manufactures active ingredients for anti-perspirants by Elementis, a rheological additives company.

Rising fortunes of people worldwide, particularly in India and China will also propel the market in the future. One factor that impacts the manufacture of rheology modifiers market is the volatility in oil prices. This is because crude oil is the primary raw material used to produce the different raw materials for the rheology modifiers synthesis.

A noticeable trend in the global rheology market is the popularity of organic rheology modifiers, mainly used in paints and coatings and pharmaceuticals and construction, to get the required consistency of end-use products.

Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Regional Outlook

From a geographical standpoint, North America is a key region in the global market for rheology modifiers on account of a robust market in the U.S. The market in the U.S. has seen exponential growth due to the burgeoning demand for personal care products driven by the increasing number of discerning consumers and a sizeable proportion of aging population needing pharmaceutical products. Asia Pacific, however, is slated to overtake the rest of the regions due to increasing construction spending accompanied with a robust demand in the automotive industry. China in Asia Pacific is a major market on account of the massive construction activity in the region due to the increasing population and economic growth.

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Global Rheology Modifiers Market: Competitive Analysis

The global market for rheology modifiers is highly fragmented in which the top five market players together hold just a little over 20% of the market share. Some such well-entrenched industry participants are Ashland, DOW Chemical Company, BASF SE, Lubrizol Corporation, and Arkema Group.

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[shateandino]

Is Your Skin Care Toxic?

Are your beauty products toxic? Find out which toxins to avoid and how they could be harming you.

It’s not uncommon for us to go about our day, performing our daily routine, without realizing how much damage we may be doing to our health!

Who knew something as simple as our toothpaste could be causing so much damage?!

Our skin absorbs up to 60% of the chemicals in these products directly into our bloodstream. So basically, if you can’t eat it, it shouldn’t be going on your skin.

Many of the toxins found in our beauty products can cause serious health and hormonal issues.

Toxins in Beauty Products to Avoid

Fragrance

Fragrance is probably the most common toxin in beauty products. Fragrance, also called parfum, is a key ingredient in perfumes and colognes. It is put in a wide range of products from detergents, soaps, and cleaners to diapers, candles, medications, cosmetics, and sunscreen. While some fragrances are added to give a pleasant aroma, others are used to mask the harsh chemical smells of the other ingredients, so even an ‘unscented’ product contains fragrance in order to create that non-scent.

You want to avoid all fragrance unless it’s natural, such as from pure essential oils, as it can cause allergic reactions or hormone disruption.

Formaldehyde

Nearly one in five cosmetic products contains a substance that generates formaldehyde, which is linked to causing cancer.

Formaldehyde can be found in nail polishes, nail hardeners, eyelash glues, hair gels, soaps, makeup, shampoos, lotions, and deodorants, among other products

Parabens (Methyl, Butyl, Ethyl, Propyl)

Parabens are a class of chemicals that are used as preservatives in many personal care products, including lotions, shampoos, toothpastes, makeup, and more.

While it’s certainly important to keep bacteria at bay, and parabens accomplish that, there’s concern that they can also do some real harm — borne out of the fact that the chemicals (particularly the “long-chain” parabens like butyl-, isobutyl-, propyl-, and isopropylparabens) are considered potential endocrine disruptors.

Endocrine disruption is basically the disruption of the normal function of the hormone system, and our hormone system drives all of the functions of our body.

Mineral Oil and Petroleum

Mineral oils and petroleum are in many products—face moisturizers, body lotions, sunscreens, lipsticks, baby oil and of course, petroleum jelly. Some of the ways they might appear on ingredients labels include:

Mineral oil

Petrolatum

Liquid paraffin

Paraffin oil

According to the Environmental Working Group (EWG), a whopping 80 percent of all beauty products may be contaminated with one or more of the two dozen recognized cosmetic impurities that are linked to cancer and other health concerns.

The scariest of these possible contaminants is called 1,4 dioxane, an impurity found in 22 percent of all petroleum-based cosmetics that is a possible human carcinogen and known animal carcinogen. How much you’re exposed to depends on the product you’re using: it’s in 82 percent of hair dyes, 45 percent of self-tanners and 36 percent of face moisturizers, for starters.

Oxybenzone (Benzophenone), Octinoxate, and Homosalate

Found in many sunscreens, lip balms, and other products with SPF, these chemicals may mimic hormones, cause endometriosis and can pose a risk to reproductive systems.

Oxybenzone has been increasingly linked to early puberty in girls, low sperm count and male infertility, and an increase in hormone-related cancers in men and women.

I wrote a whole article about the dangers of sunscreen.

Ethanolamines (diethanolamine [DEA], monoethanolamine [MEA], and triethanolamine [TEA])

Ethanolamine compounds are found in soaps, shampoos, hair conditioners and dyes, lotions, shaving creams, paraffin and waxes, household cleaning products, pharmaceutical ointments, eyeliners, mascara, eye shadows, blush, make-up bases, foundations, fragrances and sunscreens.

Numerous studies have classified them as respiratory and organ toxicants and they have also been linked to liver tumours.

Hydroquinone (tocopheryl acetate)

Hydroquinone is a compound used in a variety of skin products, usually targeted at customers that are looking to reduce the appearance of dark spots, freckles, acne scars and other problem spots on the body.

Regular use of hydroquinone can cause serious irritation of the skin, especially for people that already have sensitive skin or allergies. Hydroquinone also makes your skin more susceptible to sun damage, much the same way topical treatments like salicylic acid do.

A variety of different medical studies have stated that hydroquinone is a possible carcinogen, meaning that it’s a compound that may have cancer-causing properties.

Triclosan

This antibiotic product is increasingly being used in more and more products, such as antibacterial soaps. The problem with tricoslan is that it is a powerful antibiotic — too powerful. For example it is also used to clean eating utensils and surfaces. When we use it on our bodies, we are effectively permeating ourselves with a chemical without knowing the long term effects.

The chemical was also seen to disrupt gut bacteria in mice and make them more susceptible to the autoimmune disease colitis.

Benzoyl Peroxide

Benzoyl Peroxide, or simply BP, is probably the most famous acne treatment there is. Tons of different face washes contain it; even if you’re not knowingly using it then you’ve probably put BP on your face at some point.

Bacteria is a very important part of the acne formation process. Benzoyl Peroxide works by destroying this bacteria; when you apply it to your skin, it breaks down and forms oxygen, and this floods into your skin pores.

Some report that BP causes their skin to get red and irritated, which is quite opposite to the desired result of getting your skin to look better. Some people even report that Benzoyl Peroxide can cause premature aging. Apparently people noticed that using Benzoyl Peroxide for a long time caused their face to gain the kind of wrinkles they expected would be decades away.

Dioxin

This toxin won’t appear in the ingredients list of your beauty products. It’s often found in antibacterial ingredients such as emulsifiers, triclosan, PEG’s, and cleansers like Sodium Laureth Sulfate.

Dioxins are environmental pollutants. They belong to the so-called “dirty dozen” – a group of dangerous chemicals known as persistent organic pollutants (POPs). Dioxins are of concern because of their highly toxic potential. Experiments have shown they affect a number of organs and systems.

FD&C Colour and Pigments

FD&C Colour Pigments are synthetically produced colours found in many cleansing and beauty products, as well as foods. They are made from coal tar, which contain toxic heavy metal salts.

When FD&C colour pigments are applied to the skin, toxic heavy metal salts found in coal tar may cause external irritation or sensitivity. But that only scratches the surface on why FD&C colour pigments are dangerous. As these colour pigments absorb into skin, they can deplete the body of oxygen. Without oxygen fueling our cells, we have less energy and our bodies don’t function properly.

PEG (Polyethelyne Glycol)

PEG, which is the abbreviation of polyethylene glycol, is not a definitive chemical entity in itself, but rather a mixture of compounds, of polymers that have been bonded together. Polyethylene is the most common form of plastic, and when combined with glycol, it becomes a thick and sticky liquid.

In cosmetics, PEGs function in three ways: as emollients (which help soften and lubricate the skin), as emulsifiers (which help water-based and oil-based ingredients mix properly), and as vehicles that help deliver other ingredients deeper into the skin.

PEG compounds often contain small amounts of ethylene oxide. According to experimental results reported on in the National Toxicology Program’s Eighth Annual Report on Carcinogens, ethylene oxide increases the incidences of uterine and breast cancers and of leukemia and brain cancer.

Phthalates

Phthalates used in everything from household cleaners to food packaging to fragrance, cosmetics, and personal-care products.

In the past few years, researchers have linked phthalates to asthma, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, breast cancer, obesity and type II diabetes, low IQ, neurodevelopmental issues, behavioral issues, autism spectrum disorders, altered reproductive development and male fertility issues.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) & Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLES)

If you have the suspicion that washing your face is making your skin dry, or that shampooing is giving you an itchy scalp or making your eyes sting, or that cleaning your teeth is giving you mouth ulcers, sodium lauryl sulfate is the likely culprit.

It’s found in 90% of personal care products that foam.

It’s been known to cause eye damage, depression, breathing problems, skin irritation, and cancer.

Of course, this is just a small list of toxins that can be found in your every day beauty products.

One way to know how your beauty product rates is to use the ThinkDirty or EWG app.

Here are some products that I use in my home:

I also use Batty’s Bath for all my skin care and makeup.

What toxin-free products do you use and love?

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Article source here:The Fit Housewife