#conan gray our beloved

[lovesick-level-up]

Bisexual Hajime Hinata Icons

@lavendergalactic's pride week - day 1: a character that has / you headcanon to have the same sexuality as you

its been a bit since we've edited a danganronpa character, so we decided to go for the og bi king, hajime hinata! hopefully we can slip in another danganronpa edit this week. anyway, we're going to try and include a song by a queer artist with every edit for this challenge! mostly just for fun lol. it will fit the character in some way, or the headcanon itself.

feel free to use with credit as long as you aren't on our dni, but don't claim as your own! like/reblog if you save or enjoy!

[bisexual-bat]

intro post!!!!

hi! im abby most people call me abbs!

im bi and she/her prn

i ride horses pls DO NOT be in my dms asking me if i can ride

musicccc

tv girl, chappell roan, lana del ray, alex g, conan gray, sabrina carpenter, the heathers , mitski, arctic monkeys, david bowie,queen, abba, hotel police, hydra melody, the vanished people, tyler the creator, weezer, yaelorke

a lil bit about me

my favorite colours are dark red, dark purple and dark green

im a december sagittarius

im a gryiffindor/sytherin

sirius kinnie

im texan

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

masterlisttt<33

johnny boy <3

ember wember <3

prince charming <3

luna belle <3

mama t

ootd

fics

moodboards

dni

-transphobes

-homphobes

-racist,

-pedophile,

-zoophile,

-sexist,

-ableist,

-fascist,

-rape supporter

fandoms:

pjo, harry potter, maruaders (fuck jkr) , hunger games, agggtm, haikyuu, jjk, kny, hxh, op, bsd, hoo, mc, toa, marvel and dc

my lovely lovely moots

@jacktheeldergod2 - practically my big brother

@sspadfoot - one of my bsf

@theprongspotter - some one i would consider a sibling

@im-just-here4853 - aves, ava my love (platonically unless...... jk)

@addieq - my bsf irl

@mattirose -my other bsf irl

@pumpkin-gizzards - mwah

@marylily-my-beloved - ur so cool 😭

@sellingbonesforsapphirestones - yall are one so cute and two so cool

@thatgayash - my platonic partner <3

@im-on-crack-send-help - ahhhhh ur so freaking pretty and nice <3

honorable mentions: @cloverthesimp365 @tanklocks @slveepyscwrs @demimoon @lonely-linn

@z1ggystardus3rr @zsrntyouil @virtualdetectiveduck @mae-occasionally-reads

@savburns @permetutotheworld @equippedtolove @yourlocalbadgerscales @mrtoadthetoad

@abernathy-blues @why-men-when-you-have-moodboards @wildeblueberries

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

other blogs etc <3

@rosierosier83 - evan rp blog

@lily-in-the-water - lily rp blog

@mc-cant-catch-me-kinnion - marlene rp blog

@lets-get-maryed-in-vegas - mary rp blog

@fuck-me-man - vent blog

@abby-eq-ridingg - riding blog

my yt

shippspspps 🚢

maruaders : dorleneeeeee, wolfstar, jegulus, rosekiller, pandalily, marylily

hp: drarry, linny, roniomne

pjo/hoo/mc/toa: percabeth, solangelo, valgreaceeee, frazel, jercy, piperxshel, fierrochase, blitzstone,amirx sam (idk theri ship name), *im sure there's more idk rn)

hq: kagehina, tsukiiyama, daichi x suga, asanoya, kuroken, iwaoi, (probs more idr rn)

jjk : stsg, itasushi, nobamaki, inuokko etc idk

bsd: sskk, ssk, fyolai

hxh: killugon, leopika, etc

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the cutest moodboard from @im-on-crack-send-help

[ronandreams]

tag game! choose some of your favourite lyrics and list them below.

tagged by @henrywinteris and @nataliajames , thank you so much 💗

run - joji

I fell for your magic I tasted your skin And though this is tragic At least I found the end I witnessed your madness You shed light on my sins And if we share in this sadness Then where have you been?

as the world caves in - matt maltese

Oh, girl, it's you that I lie with As the atom bomb locks in Oh, it's you I watch TV with As the world, as the world caves in

francis forever - mitski

On sunny days, I go out walking I end up on a tree-lined street I look up at the gaps of sunlight I miss you more than anything I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

heaven - beyonce

We laughed at the darkness So scared that we lost it We stood on the ceilings You showed me love was all you needed

clementine - halsey

Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins Do the insides of all of my fingers still look the same? And can you feel it too, when I am touchin' you? And when my hair stands on ends, it's saluting you The blush in your cheeks says that you bleed like me And the 808 beat sends your heart to your feet Left my shoes in the street so you'd carry me

because of you - kelly clarkson

I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing

family line - conan gray

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive Scattered 'cross my family line God, I have my father's eyes But my sister's when I cry I can run, but I can't hide From my family line

landslide - fleetwood mac (i also love the chicks version of this)

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie

You and me have seen everything to see From Bangkok to Calgary And the soles of your shoes are all worn down The time for sleep is now But it's nothing to cry about 'Cause we'll hold each other soon In the blackest of rooms

stranger - olivia rodrigo

Oh, but I hope that you're happy, babe, you know I really do And God knows that I am the girl I am because of you You know I'll always think of you, I'll love you 'til the end of time You are the best thing that I'll ever keep so far out of my life

chlorine - twenty one pilots

I'm so sorry, I forgot you Let me catch you up to speed I've been tested like the ends of A weathered flag that's by the sea

bandito - twenty one pilots

Began with bullet, now add fire to the proof But I'm still not sure if fear's a rival or close relative to truth Either way it helps to hear these words bounce off of you The softest echo could be enough for me to make it through

imgonnagetyouback - taylor swift

Bygones will be bygone eras fadin' into gray (fadin' into gray) We broke all the pieces but still want to play the game (oh) Told my friends, "I hate you but I love you just the same" Pick your poison, babe I'm poison either way

how did it end? - taylor swift

Say it once again with feeling How the death rattle breathing Silenced as the soul was leaving The deflation of our dreaming Leaving me bereft and reeling My beloved ghost and me Sitting in a tree D-Y-I-N-G

the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift

In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance" 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden I would've died for your sins Instead, I just died inside And you deserve prison, but you won't get time

in the mourning - paramore

Oh, in the mourning, I'll rise And in the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning, all my sorries And it takes all my strength not to dig you up From the ground in which you lay, the biggest part of me You were the greatest thing, and now you're just a memory To let go of

tagging, if u want to: @hellshee, @dykejaskier, @burke-juliet, @joequinns, @heartwasglass, @munsonseds, @saintirulan, @coldasyou, @crowleyaj, @cavarage, @waddinghamhannah, @madalainepetsch, @frolencewelch, @pastandpresentselves. .

[f4y3w00d5]

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? 75. Favourite animal? 99. Have any pets? [I know you have pets I want pictures] 101. Do you type fast? 119. Favourite book? 133. Favourite lyrics right now? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? 148. What’s your favourite quote? 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

6. Eh, i dunno. Main types are the ones who are like, pretty dom. like firm n shit, but also sweet. Ones who can take care of me. Also the cute ones i can take care of and treasure who react oh so cutely to the things I do. Nice people, most of all. Those who make me feel loved.

12. Breathe In, Breathe Out (Set It Off, particularly love the bridge and the way they go 'Stop, and think abt it-'), Yandere (Jazmin Bean, its a bit odd but pretty), Alley Rose (Conan Gray, love the bridge), Pretty Little Addict (Haiden Henderson, i relate heavily), Violence And Spiders (SAINT PHNX, i dunno its just vibey. the vibes. listen to it.)

13. Mhm mhm i love ittt!!! Let me lay in your lap n nuzzle your hands as you play with my hair,,,

38. wowwwwwww you really wanna know my dream person dontcha??? But idk. Pretty, ig. but in a way i think is pretty, idc what they think is pretty. Someone I can joke around with, someone i can go to when Im sad, and who will come to me when theyre sad. Someone who wont run away from their problems. Someone whos willing to work on theirself and our relationship and stay with me as i work on my own. Someone who I can snuggle with, someone who i can curl around or have curl around me. Someone who I can take on pretty dates, who i can pamper and make happy. Might be surprising but i dont really give a fuck abt sex. would be useful if we had the same kinks ig?

44. Ocean. I dont like space.

49. Lots of things. Always. Im so pathetic.

75. Ever seen a sea bunny? Theyre cute.

99. Cinders, my beloved puppy. She's 16 now. Rescue dog.

101. I'm told I do, I could type faster I think.

119. That changes quite a lot. A Lesson In Vengeance. Hell Followed With Us. Hear The Dead Cry. Jekylls Mirror.

133. Not Sure my favourite. I like a lot of lyrics. 'I'm a victim, but I choose to be.' The entire bridge of Alley Rose. 'I'm not a real person just the shit you cant make up' 'I'm not a good person, im barely a person at all, but someday i'll be perfect and i'll make up for it all.' So many more.

135. Told my sister who was.... idk, between 5-8 at the time, that beetroot was chocolate. She believed me until around this year, she's 11.

148. 'Y'all smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die.' - Alaska (Looking For Alaska, John Green)

149. Do you truly believe that after death, everything stops? Do you believe one day your mind will just stop working, and there will be nothing left but rot? The soul exists, and something must happen to it. So yes, in my belief, ghosts exist.

[filmnoirsbian]

Hi !! I was wondering if you had any book recs/favorite books? Things that you think of as inspiration or just plain like? Genuinely curious. <3 im in love with your work btw i spent the other day binging your patreon

Some favorites that deeply impacted me from a young age up into teenagedom: the Animorphs series by K. A. Applegate, Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein, Oddly Enough by Bruce Coville, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Little Sister by Kara Dalkey, The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C. Wrede, The Tale of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo, A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander, Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury, the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage, Piratica by Tanith Lee, the Inkheart series by Cornelia Funke, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, Holes by Louis Sachar, The View from Saturday by E. L. Konigsburg, Shizuko's Daughter by Kyoko Mori, The Sea-Wolf by Jack London, Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech, Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins, Everything on a Waffle by Polly Horvath, Surviving the Applewhites by Stephanie S. Tolan, The Last Book in the Universe by Rodman Philbrick, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg, The Iliad and Odyssey (allegedly) by Homer, The Táin by many people, Harlem by Walter Dean Myers, Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan, The Wall and the Wing by Laura Ruby, The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkein, The Hainish Cycle by Ursula K. Le Guin, Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis, The Ethical Vampire series by Susan Hubbard, The Howl Series by Diana Wynne Jones, the Curseworkers series by Holly Black, The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Philip K. Dick, Android Karenina by Ben H. Winters, An Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson, Beloved by Toni Morrison, A Stir of Bones by Nina Kiriki Hoffman, the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson, Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente, World War Z by Max Brooks, This is Not A Drill by K. A. Holt, Fade to Blue by Sean Beaudoin, Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu, The Moth Diaries by Rachel Klein, Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman, Crush by Richard Siken, Hopscotch by Julio Cortázar, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, Devotions by Mary Oliver, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Some favorites read more recently: The Expanse series by James S. A. Corey, Engine Summer by John Crowley, Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff, The Princess Bride by William Goldman, Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot, My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix, Reprieve by James Han Mattson, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, Kindred by Octavia Butler, Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, Station Eleven by Emily St. John-Mandel, The Crown Ain't Worth Much by Hanif Abdurraqib, The Refrigerator Monologues by Catherynne M. Valente, Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata, Tender is the Flesh by Augustina Bazterrica, The Girl with All the Gifts by Mike Carey, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison, She had some horses by Joy Harjo, Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón, The King Must Die by Mary Renault, Books of Blood by Clive Barker, Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin, Cassandra by Christa Wolfe

Plays: The Oresteia by Aeschylus, Electra by Sophocles, Los Reyes by Julio Cortázar, Angels in America by Tony Kushner, August: Osage County by Tracy Letts, The Bald Soprano by Eugène Ionesco, The Trojan Women by Euripides, Salome by Oscar Wilde, Girl on an Altar by Marina Carr, Fences by August Wilson, The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams, M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang, Our Town by Thornton Wilder, Sweeney Todd by Christopher Bond

Graphic novels: The Crow by James O'Barr, DMZ by Brian Wood and Riccardo Burchielli, Eternals (2021) by Kieron Gillen and Esad Ribić, Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons and John Higgins, My Favorite Thing is Monsters by Emil Ferris, Maus by Art Spiegelman, Tank Girl by Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett, Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, Through the Woods by Emily Carroll, Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol

[the-epitome-of-sunsets]

you called?

testing, testing. jakob's my idiot of a brother, and i love sunsets.

call me dawn | she/they | istj | questioning | extrovert | not religious | minor | may 15 | taurus | dating this idiot called kyle | darci scott | a certified judo flipper | popular kid | warrior maiden | dyscalculia | | hopeless romantic | hot people on my mind 24/7 | insane soul | half greek half african-american | green eyed dad girl | am a hoe- accept it | nobility | cabin 7 gurl | slytherin | candor | the most noble of the knights | chronically online | public school kid | youngest child | forsenics | sunsets, sunsets and more sunsets

DNI IF: pro-israel, zionist, homophobic, islamophobic, antisemetic, proshipper, religiophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, ableists, anti-blm, porn bot, pro-facist, MAPs, NSFW, racist, sexist, creep, or if you want me to judo flip you :)

fandoms: tales of arcadia, riordanverse, harry potter, marauders, avatar the last airbender, ghosts (bbc), ghosts (us), merlin bbc, boarders, four o'clock club, get even (bbc), creeped out, owl house, grishaverse, and kotlc

music: taylor swift, ariana grande, stray kids, one direction, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, rosendale, lewis capaldi, ava max, billie eilish, miley cyrus, bob marley, tate mcrae, MKTO, alan walker, alexander stewart, nico collins and ed sheeran

hobbies: judo, netball, football, fencing, ballet, fitness, underthinking shit, tumblr, pinterest, embroidery, painting, listening to music, guitar, reading, being a material girl, swearing and cussing, and judo flipping my brother

personal tags:

#the epitome speaks- if i need to speak

#the epitome rants- vent stuff

#tsunami whirls- about jakob

#this punk ass bitch- about cassie

#lightning shatters- about siya

#im going to kill this jock- about my bf kyle

#my beloved moots

I support Palestine. If you don't, you better run, because I will track you down and shoot you with the gun I hide in the basement. If you don't, you're a zionazi- end of story.

@that-one-clotpole & @the-ocean-is-inside-of-me thank you for the help with blog aesthetic <3

I share an account with @the-punk-and-the-jock too <3

Hey! I'm Dawn. I'm a minor, and I decided to join this hellsite, because of my brother- @the-ocean-is-inside-of-me. I thought it would be best to watch over him, and also because I wanted to see what exactly Tumblr has it in for me. You see, I'm the granddaughter of a Greek mafia boss, and I've seen... interesting things. Let's see how crazy this hellsite can get. My ask box is open, as well as my DMs, if you wanna talk, have any concerns or if you just wanna be friends! Oh, and don't you dare try to hurt my brother, or our friends, because if I do, you're invoking the wrath of the ✨judo flipper✨. I think that's all from me! Stay safe, little people on my phone. Dawn, signing out.

[linkles-art-blog]

After eight long months of hard work, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I finally premiere my first ever full-length animatic — and one that is meant to encapsulate the main story and conflict of my beloved Cherish’s entire first arc, at that.

I find it extremely amusing that I had begun this animatic on a whim back in early April when I was very sick with the flu, as all this time later, that is also the state of health in which I finally finished it off, too. I suppose flus just make me surprisingly productive creatively sometimes, somehow.

For those of you unfamiliar with Cherish’s storyline, it might be a little confusing to watch, but the long and short of most of it is that in the fic, in the fairly far future of the BSD universe, Paul eventually runs into another version of Arthur Rimbaud (most specifically, a slightly AU version of the author from our world) who was brought into this world by way of some sort of mysterious portal, just after his version of Paul Verlaine (and his lover, at that) had made an attempt on his life.

After a number of circumstances, it ends up so that if Arthur wishes to remain in this world, he must learn to trust in the mysterious stranger that helped get him aid for his injuries…but inevitably the secret of the blond’s real identity eventually must come forth, and when it does, Rimbaud is sent into shock and fear at the revelation.

Can Arthur overcome the scars of his past and learn to trust this new Verlaine by his current actions, rather than the name which he shares with his former lover, abuser, and attempted murderer?

Likewise, can Paul learn to forgive himself enough to allow himself into the life of this other Arthur Rimbaud, despite knowing that even in another world, he seems destined to repeat the act that he most regrets today?

Is it possible for either of them to believe in themselves and in each other, or is the weight of their pasts too much to bear in the end? These are the questions that Arc 1 asks most of all, and the dilemma which this animatic thereby truly represents at its core.

I hope you will enjoy watching it, and look forward to the upcoming Chapter 15, which will finally give its answer and finally bring the first arc of the story to a close.

Oh, and, as with the fic, viewer discretion is advised: be aware this animatic holds some extremely heavy themes within it, such as domestic violence, blood, serious injuries and attempted homicide, among other things. In general, you should probably just apply the fic’s tags to this as well.

The song is Movies by Conan Gray, but shoutout to the song Fight or Flight by the same artist — which I also listened to in between the former from time to time while working on this video.

Do not repost this artwork or video anywhere without my explicit permission or claim it as your own. See F.A.Q.s for details.

[sagecoloureddaydreams]

!!! Made a reference sheet for Honey !!!

Bennett, he/him, trans man, twin brother of our beloved Goof TM Asher

Some lil...lil notes if you'd like to read:

The patch just above Bennett's heart on his jacket? Guy brought that as a joke.

A few moments after the little doodle of Guy and Bennett? Guy mumbled something like 'man tittiessss' and got thrown off

I've been reading those 'Sweetheart's little brother' headcannons so Guy's designs are based on my Sweetheart design. They are Indian, so Guy is Indian. He's also chubby.

They are T4T and Autistic for Autistic

Also Guy bleaches his hair so he matches honey. He's cute like that.

ALSO ALSO, The lyrics are Conan Gray's Best Friend, which is THEIR SONG because they are HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS FUCK YOU

[heartpascal]

CHECK UNDER THE DOORMAT

(reader)

• memories - conan gray

"now i can't say, 'goodbye',

if you'll stay here the whole night,

you see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning,

over, and over again,

i promise that the ending always stays the same,

so there's no good reason in make-believing,

that we could ever exist again."

• already gone - sleeping at last

"i want you to know,

that it doesn't matter,

where we take this road,

but someone's gotta go,

and i want you to know,

you couldn't have loved me better,

but i want you to move on,

so, i'm already gone."

• requiem - laura dreyfuss, michael park, & jennifer laura thompson

"why should i have a heavy heart?

why should i start to break in pieces?

why should i go and fall apart for you?

why should i play the grieving girl and lie,

saying that i miss you,

and that my world has gone dark without your light?

i will sing no requiem tonight."

(joel)

• ghost of you - 5 seconds of summer

"so i drown it out like i always do,

dancing through our house with the ghost of you."

• somewhere only we know - keane

"oh, simple thing, where have you gone?

i'm getting old, and i need something to rely on,

so, tell me when you're gonna let me in,

i'm getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin,

and if you have a minute, why don't we go,

talk about it somewhere only we know?

this could be the end of everything."

• rescue - lauren daigle

"i will send out an army to find you,

in the middle of the darkest night,

it's true, i will rescue you."

• fourth of july - sufjan stevens

"did you get enough love, my little dove?

why do you cry?

and i'm sorry i left, but it was for the best,

though it never felt right,

my little versailles."

(tommy)

• you are enough - sleeping at last

"when we grew up, our shadows grew up too,

but they're just old ghosts that we grow attached to,

the tragic flaw is that they hide the truth,

that you're enough, you're enough, you're enough."

• talk to me - cavetown

"you don't have to be a prodigy to be unique,

you don't have to know what to say or what to think,

you don't have to be anybody you can never be,

that's alright, let it out, talk to me."

(jesse)

• open arms - jorge rivera-herrans & steven dookie

"this life is amazing when you greet it with open arms,

i see in your face, there is so much guilt inside your heart,

so why not replace it and light up the world,

here's how to start,

greet the world with open arms."

• this side of paradise - coyote theory

"are you lonely? (are you lonely?),

our fingers dancing when we meet,

you seem so lonely (are you lonely?)."

(reader and jesse)

• better in stereo - liv & maddie

"when you say yeah, i say no,

when you say stop,

all i wanna do is go, go, go!

you,

the other half of me,

the half i'll never be,

the half that drives me crazy."

• brother - kodaline

"if i was dying on my knees,

you would be the one to rescue me,

and if you were drowned at sea,

i'd give you my lungs so you could breathe,

i've got you, brother."

HOWL!!! sobbing. heartpascal works hard but h-owlpost works HARDER. every time. i’m literally gonna scream and cry hello????

memories by conan gray: literally perfect. those EXACT lyrics are so so fitting. like r might’ve been ok eventually if joel and ellie had never come back, but now that they’re in jackson, she just can’t move on 😭

already gone: has me hollering and screaming and yelling and in pain. as well the lyrics “remember all the things we wanted, now our memories are haunted” HHHHHH this whole song is SO PERFECT HOWL STOP IT RN.

requiem: A BRAND NEW SONG FOR ME. oh my god. oh my god? i cannot articulate this one. *

i love ghost of you but my attention is stolen by somewhere only we know: I HAVE KNOWN THIS SONG FOREVER AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK. it’s so perfect. it’s too perfect. HELLO???? “i’m getting old and i need something to rely on” JOEL MY BELOVED 😭 *

rescue: oh yes. this song is so joel miller coded.

FOURTH OF JULY IS OUT OF POCKET I AM GLING TO SCREAM!!!!! *

cavetown is so so close to my heart. i cant even tell you. “it’s so dark tonight, but you’ll survive, certainly. it’s alright, come inside and talk to me” i am yelling so so loudly *

open arms is so good for jesse and r. I LOVE HOW ITS UPBEAT AND AND AND. also i think it is so reader and jesse coded with how different they are. LIKE R WOULD DEFINITELY BE MORE DEFENSIVE!!! at least at their ages rn, whilst jesse is like. dude relax 🙄 *

this side of paradise: yes. and “IF YOURE LONELY COME BE LONELY WITH ME!!!” need i say more.

BAHAHA BETTER IN STEREO IS SO THEM I LOVE IT. maybe one of my FAVOURITE CHOICES EVER. they are both menaces to each other it’s TRUE.

BROTHER: this one. this one. i love this song so much. this is them. THIS ONE. if i could choose any song it’d be this one. *

[nerdyenby]

I’m writing my first fic series: all the ways we do and don’t fit together

It’s a multi-pov ninjago series vaguely following the course of the series (starting in season three) as the ninja gradually realize they’re hella gay

Part One is titled Cut the Wires

It’s a three-part Nya-centric work surrounding the events of the Perfect Match AI and the love triangle (and ensuing sexuality crisis) it creates. Cole and Nya are both aspec and figuring out what that means to them. Chapter titles are from Turning Out Pt II by AJR.

Part Two is titled Find Our Way

It’s a four-part Kai-centric work immediately following Cut the Wires and spanning the events of season four, in which Kai has feelings for Zane and does not handle his death well. Chapter titles are from Move Me by half•alive.

Part Three is titled Mend Our Bond

It’s a four-part Cole-centric work exploring his and Jay’s relationship through seasons four and five. Friends to rivals to enemies to friends to lovers my beloved. Chapter titles are from END OF THE WATER by Waterparks

Part Four is titled Fix This Mess

It’s a four-part Jay-centric mild rewrite of season six. Doesn’t touch most of the plot but focuses on his new relationship with Cole and Jay struggling to get over Nya. Chapter titles are from Disaster by Conan Gray.

Part Five is titled Clarify the Situation

It’s a one-part Zane-centric coming out work. Jay tries to set up Zane and Kai, not knowing that they’ve been together for close to a year now. Chapter title from Out of the Blue by Courtney Govan.

Part Six is titled Heal My Hurt

An eight-part Lloyd-centric story spanning seasons eight and nine in which he loses his arm and figures out his sexuality. Chapter titles are from Eggshells by Abby Holliday.

Part Seven is titled Build Us Up

A five-part Kai-centric story on which he and Cole get together and then Cole dies (not really tho). Chapter titles are from You & I by Gentle Bones

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

rewrite the ending in every lifetime・l.f

—Going through the ages of time with Felix, no matter how many times your mother knocked you down, he was always there to pick you up—in every lifetime.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠・felix x mommy issues!reader 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬・angst, smut, a collection of moments the two of you have ever wanted to say I love you, his vow to find your soul in every lifetime, elutions to supernatural connections of humans hearts 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬・8.1k 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬・The reader had mommy issues that are heavily described, manipulation, verbal abuse, references to physical abuse but it really isn't described, love bombing, alcoholism, references to blades and knives, sweet PIV sex, an ungodly amount of crying, panic attacks, there are some potentially disturbing descriptions in this honestly, uhh pregnancy and proposals (its really cute I promise) 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ・If you want to see the preview for this story look here 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ・Family Line by Conan Gray, If the World Was Ending by Jp Saxe and Julia Michaels, The Night We Met by Lord Huron, Cover Me by Our Beloved Stray Kids, Evergreen by Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners.

𝐚/𝐧・I have poured my heart and soul into this fic; I hope it heals you how it healed me.

i. It is the wounds we hide from the light that beg most to be seen.

Age 12.

Scene one.

The sand feels like stardust as you glide your hands across the sky, your frozen fingers tracing the edge of an anguished cry.

lair.

You write in scribbled chicken scratch,

lair.

lair.

lair.

You wipe it all away.

The ruthless afternoon sun glares off the playset before you, stabbing through your eyelids. You actually have to squint to make out any of the children shrieking and playing on the variety of scattered sets; a few push and shove each other on the slides, while the quiet, more reserved ones sit silently on the swings. Some were climbing on the monkey bars, others spinning on the merry-go-round, and then there was you, 12-and-a-half, drawing their sorrows in the sandbox.

You don't even know why you come here anymore. It almost makes you chuckle, imagining how others must see you—too old, too tall, too out of place to be sitting in a snot-infested box that smelled like the remnants of many, many nasty toddlers.

Though, as silly as it seemed, you needed an escape, an outlet to channel all this burning rage. You wanted to flip the world inside out, turn it around and upside down; shake it, shake it, shake it untill humans finally had some common sense. I mean, really, how could they not see it? How could anybody not see it?

The worst part of it is you don’t even have a reason to be mad. You hadn’t argued, you hadn’t fought, she hadn’t hit you, hadn’t taken away your stuff. No, that isn’t why you were mad.

You were mad because she's a liar.

A big, fat, ugly, fucking liar.

Her love only ever pools at the tip of a knife, the glint of all your hopes and dreams; It shimmers and shines in the overhead lights, in the cloud of the crowd’s ceaseless cheers. See it, look everyone, I'm great. Her hands cover their eyes. Look, world, she's trying. Do you see it? She's trying. She's trying, you're crying, and the world only ever applauds.

You sigh, smacking your hands on your thighs. You were inches away from combusting—Your emotions, like unreleased electricity, coalescing in the pit of your gut, one wrong spark away from exploding.

Why couldn't anybody see it?

An earsplitting screech of pure bliss pierces your eardrums as you snap your neck up. It wasn’t really hard to pinpoint the noise, figuring every few beats it would happen again. The sound was home to a little girl with blond braided hair and a smile that rivaled the sun, but it wasn’t her that caught your attention the most—It was the boy behind her, gently pushing her on the swings. Your heart skips in your chest; he was beautiful, the unique type of pretty, the kind that’s utterly humane. He had sprays of freckles and cheeks that permanently crinkled in a grin.

Who was he?

Perhaps it was Cupid’s feathered wings that tickled the boy’s chin up, because as soon as your gaze lifts, he inadvertently steps into a patch of light—his amber irises seeming to be encrested with honeyed seaglass, a phenomenon only created by the restless tumbling of a thousand folded seas; and even with an ocean of blinding afternoon sun, his eyes still found you.

Well, now that you really think about it, you were staring at him first, so it really isn’t as magical as your brain makes it up to be. But still—

You feel your lips part, your stomach flipping upside down. You would have usually been embarrassed, caught staring at such a beautiful boy, but you were floored, utterly flummoxed. Cupid drew his stringed bow, and with a flick of a finger, your heart was ensnared.

Subconsciously, you slip your hand into your front pocket, your thumb running over the smooth surface of a million different frosted bottles.

You found comfort in the concept—how easily humans discarded their broken trash, and in the excruciating process of being shattered, crushed, destroyed, the sea smoothed out their jagged edges. It was not their gruesome end; no, it was their birth.

Their birth into something so captivating so unique—

You were seaglass.

You wanted to be seaglass.

You were way too young to be thinking about the phenomenon of the ocean and the wisdoms of the world.

He was nothing less than breathtaking as his nose crinkled, the corners of his eyes disappearing into crescent moon-shaped slits. He was staring at you the same way one would look at an adorable puppy that just fell straight on its ass.

Oh, well, here comes the embarrassment. It hits you like a semi-truck, reality slamming into you harder than the tonnage before. There you were, sticky in sweat-caked sand, shifting through dirt and grime like a grody toddler, and there he was, innocently playing with what is probably his kid sister, looking perfect and beautiful and impossibly unsweaty.

Like, actually, how is he not sweating? It’s at least a million degrees out here. He catches your eyes again, his grin slowly forming into some (mysterious) mix between curious and mischievous. He eases the swing to a stop. The little girl grumbles in protest before he leans down into her ear, whispering something that makes her smile and nod, innocently toddling off into the abyss of grass and giggles.

You wonder why he stopped playing with her—that is until he starts walking over to you.

You had never, in all your 12 years of existence, heard a voice so naturally inviting—like the tender lullaby of whispering rain.

"Hi, my name's Felix. What's yours?"

Your lips formed around the letters—the way they fit so perfectly in your mouth.

In every lifetime, you turned the words on your tongue like a promise forgotten in the stars.

In every lifetime I will find you.

With jarring familiarity, you take his extended hand, blushing profusely when he asks if he can take a seat, you almost tweak a muscle nodding with such enthusiasm.

And in every lifetime, I will make you mine.

ii. I could find your soul in the sky because yours is the only one that smells like home.

Age 16.

Scene two.

"You look like shit," Felix teases, a pencil lodged firmly between his teeth; he was obnoxiously chipper for a Monday morning in math class.

You roll your eyes, tossing your backpack onto the floor of the classroom with a heavy-handed flick.

"Fuck off and die," you smile, slumping into your seat.

Felix lets out a forceful laugh, shocked by your abrupt hostility. His mouth stays agape far into the droning silence, his brain scrambles into damage control when you lack an immediate explanation.

“Come on now, is that any way to talk to your best friend?” He showcased his obnoxiously large smile with the bottoms of his palms in a gesture that said, Look at me. His goofy antics would usually make you at least grin, but today you were the very epitome of exhausted, swimming in a vat of thickening cement. You just wanted to melt into the comfort of your fluffy sheets—

The room erupts in a cacophony of screaming voices and roaring laughter.

Why must humans be so loud?

You groan, scooting your chair so close to Felix your bodies are practically smooshed together. If it bothered him, he didn't show it—or maybe you were too tired to notice. Either way, you drop your head onto the dip of his shoulder, his heat wrapping around you like a threadbare blanket—just enough warmth to dull the bite of a chill, but never enough to melt the ice.

"Somebody's tired," he coos with a hint of concern, slipping an arm over your shoulders. You nod, mumbling something along the lines of "tired" and "understatement." Your eyelids flutter shut to the sound of his heartbeat, and even under the bright fluorescent lights, everything starts to dim.

That is until your teacher shakes you awake, rudely plunging you back into the land of the living. You blink a few times, Felix's face a blur. You clear your throat. Your teacher was a short lady with a smile like a snob and her hair styled in a bob. She was loud and callous, with the temper of an obnoxious lapdog. You dig your palms into your eyes until your vision is painted in Picasso.

"We have a test today, L/N. I would sit up if I were you," she says, tossing two packets onto the desk, she flicks her eyes between the two of you, before pursing her lips like a woman clutching her pearls.

Of course.

Of fucking, fuckudy, fucking, course.

Of all the days.

Most of your night was encased in a bubble of beer, the stench of anguish, and the echo of wet cries. Your mother insisted on proving her godliness until the sun came up, for she, the untouchable essence of perfection, could never be wrong.

You nodded in and out of consciousness, only ebbing along the edge of the ocean before the tide pulled away.

You just wanted to sleep.

"Hey, wake up," Felix says, softly nudging you awake. His touch is feather-light, but it feels like the stab of a thousand sharpened pencils, the way your annoyance flares up.

"No," you croak, the lights like little lanterns reflecting off the surface of your tears. He hesitates for a moment, his tender hand leaving your skin for just enough time to make you crave it more.

"You have to wake up, or you're going to fail the test." He mumbles, gently lacing his fingers through your hair.

"I don't care anymore." You were traipsing on a tightrope with a body made of glass. You slip, you fall, you risk it all to tumble into his embrace. You felt it in your bones, the way he smelled like home, and you'd give anything to have it back.

Just once.

"Please," you whisper. It grates in his ears like gravel, your watery lashes cracking his heart in two.

You wanted to go home.

He pauses, narrowing his eyes in indecision before biting his lip and turning to scan Mrs. Womperbottom. You sit impatiently, bouncing your legs up and down. He flicks his stare to you, all your eye bags and smudged makeup, with that, his gaze softens, face melting into a small smile.

"Okay." He concedes, taking your body into his hands, carefully nuzzling your head to sit snug on the curve of his chest. You were so glad to sit in the back, especially as the world fades to black.

"I expected far more from you, young man."

It had been a few days since you fell asleep in Felix's arms, opting to turn in a blank packet rather than fight the urge to skydive without a parachute. Your brows furrow as your teacher frowns in disappointment. Felix, whose cheeks turn red as his eyes grow wide—equal parts panic and regret—seems to know exactly what's going on.

She flips the packet around. His fingers wrap around the paper, never turning it to see the depth of the damage. Only when he hastily unzips his bag, do you notice in the frenzy of movement—

A thick red F at the front.

Your jaw goes slack, lips gaping ever so slightly. He doesn’t meet your gaze, even when the room erupts in a deafening ring, chairs screeching as people scamper out. Your eyes blur like the lens of an old camera, faulty with the ages of time.

Carefully, you turn your page.

A

Your mouth is filled with sand.

You never did the test.

You flick through the edges of oblivion.

Every answer.

Every circle.

He did your test for you.

It was the sheer selflessness of his act that threw you for a loop—how a man who could have the whole world at the tip of his fingers could also be so impossibly kind.

That was a feat you believed no human was capable of, cynicism long engraved into your DNA. Your own blood was indebted to your mother, so how could a man with no inherent obligation to you, show such devotion?

"In the scars of sea glass, you will find your answer," the stars whispered.

"He loves you," the universe says.

"Do not doubt his intentions," time tells. "His soul has already found you in every lifetime."

iii. There are so many things in the world that must first collapse before it is born; why do we not believe humans are the same way?

Three months ago.

Scene Three.

Playing: The Night We Met.

"I love you, you know that, right, baby?" your mother slurs, her words tangled in a cloud of stale beer. She called you in a fit of drunken giggles, professing her undying ardor, wedged between passive pleas to come pick her up.

Something deep inside you screams as her arm wraps around your waist, the voice you fought to hide, it sounds and pounds at the walls of your ribs.

Not again, please.

You had spent so much of your life tangled in her web of lies, pulling at every poisoned thread.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, how many different ways can I make my daughter fall?

“I love you so, so much,” she cocoons your cheeks in comforting hands, and almost for a minute, you fall into the fuzz, into the black and blurry buzz of the mix between right and wrong.

She does not love you.

She loves your reflection and how it so greatly mirrors hers.

You were an extension of herself, the one she holds, the one she molds, her fingerprints sticking in the sand.

Brick by brick, she builds you up.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, how many different ways can I make my daughter fall?

She loves you, she says.

But she is in love with a mirror, the shattered glass of a battered reflection, the one that can never improve.

For she is too great in her empty state; she has nothing to prove.

You will never change a woman made of stone.

You will only ever break your bones.

So you drop the remote

with an echoing plop

and let all her love leak out.

You don’t really love me, do you?

Just pretend one more time.

Just one more time.

You drag her stumbling figure up a grueling flight of stairs. She giggles and hiccups when one of her feet catches on the edge of a step.

Her eyes are clouded as you lower her onto the bed. She caresses your cheek with silky fingers.

You relapse.

Rewind.

“Come lay with me, baby.”

You don’t cry, don’t die as the tip of her knife digs into the skin of your thigh.

You collapse into the warmth of her covered arms, shrouded with the lies of alcohol.

Brick by brick.

You nuzzle your head deeper into her neck.

She builds you up.

Just one more time.

She curls her hands around your heart.

I love you.

Your mother was too in love with herself to find room in her heart to love you.

Your tears taste like sorrow when they seep onto your tongue, cascading down your shuddering lips like the bullets of rain that whip across your face, dripping into your sodden shirt. Your heart was burdened by paradox, the overwhelming tonnage of utter desolation; you sink your fingers into your chest as if breaking the surface of snow, searching for any sign of humanity.

Perhaps it was fate's gentle hand that guided you from stumbling through your mother's desolate driveway to softly rapping your knuckles on Lee Felix's front door, cause the moment your weary feet touched his familiar steps, something stirred deep within. In a multiverse of infinite universes, it felt as though every timeline suddenly collided, merging to form this pivotal moment in your history—the story of you and him. The mere thought made you question its legitimacy, until the door creaked open, and suddenly, everything you'd almost forgotten came rushing back.

It was the disheveled state of his hair that you notice first—tousled atop his head like a misty halo; his eyes were heavy-lidded, foggy with frosted sea glass. You choke back a sob; the sunlit streetlights really do him wonders.

The moment you step into his line of sight, he can sense something is wrong. You're soaked to the bone, though the rain is barely coming down; your eyes glazed with a grief so acute it resonates in his very core.

He reaches a hand out—

"Y/N, what happened?"

You unravel; your knees giving out, all the energy spent on keeping yourself upright diffuses into an agonizing sob. Your hands find purchase on his steady shoulders as you threaten to collapse straight into the wet patio floor.

The universe had split apart, the sky falling down. You were crumbling, caught in between thick chunks of earth; you couldn’t breathe—

you gasp

The weight of a quivering world crashes into your chest, an earthquake erupting at the base of your spine. You were the daughter of destruction, bleeding with the wrath of humanity's woe.

Wordlessly, Felix chases your agony down, drawing you gently into his embrace. You had rehearsed your excuses all the way here, but when his arms wrap around your waist, the lies soak straight back into your throat.

Settled atop folded thighs, his free hand moves; lacing his fingers around the nape of your neck. His lips like life, pressing into the cold, dead skin of your outer shell; he grazes the apple of your cheek, the slope of your nose, the flat of your forehead, the tremble in your hand; and at last, with hooded eyes, his gaze finds your mouth. You are an amalgamation of quivering limbs, your bones like leaves; he locks his strength around the base of your spine, palms steading you from the outside in.

And yet, you lament, how desperately you wanted his lips to form around your flesh with the irrevocable promise of always, but you know the ramifications of such a thing; you were the embodiment of devastation, born with a blade in your hand, you would only ever hurt him. He did not deserve that. So instead of chasing your dreams, you chase the solitude of his skin, firm against your cheek.

"I'm here." He is—through it all. Through every violent hiccup and every hushed sob, Felix stays with you, fierce hands anchoring you back into reality. Finally, after lifetimes locked in this position, you find the strength to plead, "Do you think we could go somewhere?"

I would go anywhere with you, is what he wants to say.

“Of course,” is what he does.

A muted smile tugs at the corners of your cheeks, and with every labored rise of your chest, he fights the urge to hook his hand underneath your jaw, sucking all your pain into his lips. He doesn't. Instead, he lifts you up and follows his feet wherever your soul wants to take him.

He hooks his ardency on the sun as it starts to sink low. The world is dipped in darkness, perforated by the warmth of a cratered moon. Déjà vu follows you down the dark, dirt-paved road, marked by children's footsteps. Your heavy steps stop, mouth forming around the shape of a suffocated gasp. The trees rustle in the breeze, the wind slapping against the metal of a misty memory.

You had never, in all your 12 years of existence, heard a voice so naturally inviting—like the tender lullaby of pattering rain.

"Hi, my name's Felix. What's yours?"

Your lips formed around the letters—the way they fit so perfectly in your mouth.

In every lifetime, you turned the words on your tongue like a promise forgotten in the stars.

He remembered.

He really remembered.

Felix could never forget.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Come on!" he calls out, breaking into a backward jog, his smile beckoning you closer to the swings.

And with a swipe of his hand, you have already left your afflictions on the imprint of your shoes. Cold rubber hits you first, your thighs bouncing into the seat. His fingers latch around the frame of your waist, thrusting you into the air.

You laugh with the resonance of lost youth.

Time slips from your fingers like dust, forgotten in the way you had drifted from the swings to the slides, only to circle back again. It wasn’t until your skin had brushed every corner of the park that you found yourself lying on the damp earth, sinking deeper into the solace of Felix’s chest. His heart hums like the rhythm of a song so intimate, you could recite the whole melody from just the first note.

Stars blink overhead, still—sparkling, spread across the sky like golden thread sewn into rippling silk. You first settle into comfortable silence, both equally at peace, but the heavy burden of unspoken questions leaks into the calm air; forcing you to speak.

Softly, weakly, you tell him about your fears, about how much you hate her, how much you hate loving her, and how much you want to rip out every helix of her DNA.

Felix doesn't respond for a long time after this, inhaling your confessions with all the deference you deserve. Your heart slams into the slats of your ribs, shaky breaths forced into the balmy summer breeze. There was something so potently terrifying about voicing your issues, especially after masking them for so long; your pain splintered across the ground like the most fucked-up stained glass—as though Felix could sense your building anxiety, he kisses the crown of your head, murmuring into your hair:

"Even the moon hides parts of herself from the sun."

At that moment, with overwhelming certitude, you knew—even littered with secrets and scars, his rays would kiss whatever side you wished to show.

"In every lifetime," you plead through tear-stained lashes.

Maybe in another universe, you could be easy to love.

“In every lifetime.” Aged fingers run the length of your soul, tracing the vow 'I do.' In every lifetime, he would find you—broken or whole, with the sky falling, the sea sinking, the world tumbling down.

"Stay with me," you whisper to the wind as the stars start to dim.

"Always." He will find you in every lifetime and love every mangled piece.

The ocean.

You are wrapped in its cool embrace. The shore hums with soft lullabies as the wind whips across the water. Amorphous mist floats along the top of the sand, shrouding it in a dreamlike shade. Your fingers are formless as they dip into the darkness. Something sparkles. You lift your gaze.

Sea glass.

It’s basked in warm moonlight, buried in a fissure of the earth. You collapse onto the ground, your knees quivering as frantic fingers dig into the land.

Your hands are cold, holding something so old. You flip the smooth stone.

I love you.

You run your thumb over the inscription.

I love you.

It is only through the tumbling of a thousand folded seas that sea glass can even come to be, and maybe, that is how your soul found me.

You wake up in a bed that isn't your own with the warmth of the sea and the smell of home.

I love you.

iv. Just once, let him rewrite the story; just once, he promises you will never have to watch the same ending again.

Present day.

Scene four.

Playing: Cover Me.

The screen flickers off.

The velvet curtains close.

The world fades to black.

The End

Your ribs crack open, heavy sobs echoing through the gaps of your unfolded bones. Your hands make purchase around your shredded soul, the warm liquid of your sorrows trickling through your splayed fingers like the shadow's phantom finger tracing the lines of your melancholy, dusting over the hill of your cheeks. 

One more time.

Just one more time.

You rewind the tape-

The velvet curtains stutter open.

The screen flashes white.

Just one more time.

How many times could you watch the same movie before you realized the ending would never change?

You rewind the tape-

How many times could you lick her love off the edge of a knife before you realize the blade will never dull?

You slide the tip across your tongue-

Just one more time.

Please.

Just pretend to love me one more time.

"For once, can you admit that you're wrong?" you snap, attempting to steady your rising voice. 

You've been arguing with your mother for centuries, breath grating across your throat like grains of sand. It took every shred of mental stability not to bash your head into the wall.

"I did what I had to do to teach you discipline; you were unruly-"

"I was nine!" you shout, a weak, wounded cry. "Nine!"

How could she not see that?

"I did it because I loved you."

Where did the argument even begin? You search the past 30 minutes, all the way from the start, sitting on the couch with Felix, The Princess Bride playing in the background. Your ringing phone cuts through the movie. He tells you to answer it. You do. What happened after that? Your head is foggy with hurt, time forced into an everlasting circle of the same issues.

"Maybe you should reevaluate your definition of love."

"Maybe you should have just been a better daughter."

The signal of an ended call rings through your ears as the world fades to black.

The velvet curtains close.

The screen flickers off.

The movie sputters to a stop.

The End

You are far too entranced with the stillness of your spine to hear the door creak open, Felix’s hesitant footsteps carefully creep closer. It is only when he mumbles a soft, saturnine "sweetheart" that you finally feel something-

"How did it go?" Felix believed the strings of your souls were so intertwined, the two of you experienced emotions the way an instrument feels the thrum of a cord; but as your heart pumps with an intangible amount of anguish, maybe even for you, some feelings were simply too subjective to share.

Wordlessly, thoughtlessly, your hand chases his touch, a million different uncompleted sentences dissipating as soon as your skin connects; your fingers beg, hold me, even as your mouth shutters shut, dusty rivulets cascading across your cheeks.

You were empty.

so, so, very empty-

Felix's hands lock underneath the bend of your knees, steady arms curling around the small of your back, and in a gentle flow of movements, he cradles you against his chest.

You rewind the tape.

Just one more time.

"Please," you have lived so much of your life caught in a perpetual state of emptiness, for once, you wanted to remember what your body was like before your mother bore you with the heavy burden of broken wings.

"Touch me," shaky fingers cling to him, pleading with so much of your soul none is left to protest. He gasps into your neck, his face scrawled with worry, the etch of a thousand different fears drawn into the deep lines of his forehead.

Just once

Let him rewind the film

Just once

You will never have to watch the same ending again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Though his words are unsure, his actions tell a different story; tender hands massage the tops of your thighs, reluctantly begging you to open up, to unfold your deformed ribs, where he will fill your hollow bones with the type of love you have only ever yearned for.

"I need you."

You need him more than you need your heart to beat, your lungs to breathe; you need him more than you need the birds, the bees, the ground, the trees—

Your frantic fingers smooth around the base of his neck, further blurring the line of friendship; and in one sharp movement, he takes a sledgehammer to any hope of going back. Your lips collided with the zeal of years lost to silent longing, a kiss that unfurled all time and space, bursting with the passion of hearts starving for connection.

He would not hurt you-

Please, collapse into him,  just once-

Let him prove that you will never have to fall again-

This could ruin everything, and yet he lays you upon the silken sheets with such soulful kindness your glassy eyes threaten to break; his heart thrums with the vow of I'll make you fly. His hand dips into the band of your shorts, pleasure peeking out from the shadows of your mind, only ever bobbing its head long enough to fill your skin with a minute tingling sensation—like running your hands under hot water after a long day in the snow, but it was not enough.

"Felix, I need you," His eyes widen slightly, features stricken with a sudden tightness, a burdened tonnage; you were handing him your heart with the hope his hands weren't made of blades, and the idea of the utter trust you have put in him to do that makes his stomach flip.

Just once—

He will prove it all to you.

"As you wish," Not even 20 minutes ago you were sitting on the couch watching the greatest love story ever told, and now, here you are living it. How did you get so lucky? It's unfathomable how attentive he manages to be, his nose nudging the slope of your neck before laying a peck on your collarbone. His mouth never leaves your flesh even as he slowly strips off layer after layer of fabric.

"I want to see all of you" Now it was your turn, taking his time removing your clothes. His fingers slide across your skin with a delicate intimacy, a tender reverence; his lips tracing the lines of your seams until your very atoms are etched with his name.

I hate her

I love you

I love you

I love you

He coupled every leak of anger with a river of love, kissing your limbs until all your body could remember was the pureness of his ardor.

"Are you ready?" he whispers, lining himself with your entrance, all he needs is a word to finally sink himself in. Your eyes are glossy, gazing up at him with such an unadulterated passion, a pure amount of pain—this will tear you apart, and he promises with every fiber of his being, he will put you back together.

"Yes." You have lived most of your life with the heavy burden of a body’s broken wings, and it isn't until Felix’s crafted hands finally crease your ribs that you realize origami can only emerge when you fold it up, the way a bird can only fly when it falls.

You are an amalgamation; so much of your soul is lost in his lips you don't know where he begins and you end, but when a rush of pleasure tingles up your spine, you don't care.

The world is tangled somewhere on the edge of in-between space and time, melding together into a mushy, gushy substance that slips through your fingers as they lace in his raven locks. You pour all your pain into the slit of his lips, where he sucks in every drop, leaving no room for your protests.

Your head is empty, airy, only tethered to the earth by one dangerous thought:

I love you. You did. You have; in every timeline; in every universe; in every lifetime; you have loved him, and you knew with all your heart, he felt the same.

“I love you.” The words slip off your tongue, dripping into his mouth like melting snow. You had fallen in love with existence itself—a boy with a soul made of sun and eyes like sea glass. A man whose strings reached across every plane of time to find you. His fingers still, a soft burst of air puffing into your cheeks.

For minutes, hours, Felix can only stare, his strangled breaths wafting over your chin. You gulp, at least five differently worded apologies tangling themselves on your tongue. He doesn’t let you speak. Instead, he brings his hands to either side of your face, resting his forehead against your own; on your lips, not fear, but instead, words.

"Say it again," he urges, kisses split by the warmth of a starlit smile.

"I love you, Lee Felix." you share the galaxy in between your lips.

His arms slip around your waist, drawing you impossibly closer; there are no limits, no constraints when he captures your shuddering gasp. He has waited years to hear those words, so with a breathy rasp, he begs, "Tell me you love me, tell me until you are sick of it."

"I love you," you repeat, beginning to laugh. "I love you. I love you, fuck, Felix, there has never been a time where I haven't loved you."

The passion that surged in the twists of your heartbeats began to be too much to bear; his hips ruthlessly rutting into yours, you cry out, chasing the edge of a daydream. So close, so close, so—you can only hear the crash of your soul shattering before his ginger fingers sew you back together.

You both slam down into the earth at the same time, holding each other's tired bodies as the ground swallows you up.

His arms lock around your head, quivering as he struggles to hold himself up, droplets of tears land on your cheeks as they drip down the slope of his nose. He was so perfect-

so, so, very perfect.

Your mouth raises to kiss a tear clinging to the tip of his nose. He chokes, squeezing his eyes shut. You both are thrumming with tension, overflowing with emotion; before you can even blink, he is pulling you to his chest, naked and sticky, he holds you closer than you have ever been.

"I love you." He cups your trembling cheeks, throat tightening around the earnestness in his tone. You can run from the stars; you can hide from the bay, but his love will find you just as the sun finds the day.

v. She is only in your DNA.

Five months later.

Scene five.

Playing: If the world was ending.

Anxiety is like a cup that never falls, the tease of water sloshing at the rim. It comes in inclines—the clench in your chest, the flip in your stomach, the tremble in your spine. The world begins to quake, the table tips, the water shifts, but none of it ever pours out.

That was how you felt right now, a bright pink river rushing underneath your feet, sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss.

No matter how many times you squeezed your eyes and wished it all away, reality still managed to smack you in the face.

Positive

Your numb hand goes limp, the plastic pregnancy test tumbling to the tiles with a deafening crack. Cold porcelain seeps into your skin as you drop your tear-stained cheeks between your knees, all your deepest, darkest fears suddenly snapping into view.

"Just wait until you have kids." Sometimes, it is the most overpowering emotions you can feel most clearly.

Determination.

"One day, when I grow up, I'll meet the perfect guy, and get married, and have tons of babies—and I will do it all without ever becoming you." She scoffs, rolling her shoulders as if she had already unraveled the scrolls of your soul, and engraved on the paper was your life, traveled down a perfectly mirrored path.

"I said the same thing when I was your age, but then I had the kids, and everything changed. You aren't going to be able to do it."

You were only 13 then, and yet, with unwavering resolve, you declared, "Watch me."

How were you going to tell him? Was your first thought.

How could you manage to be a mother? Was your next.

You dug your hands into your chest, wishing to tear your seams. In her womb, she had stitched you up, and now you spent every waking moment trying to unravel the threads.

You wanted to vomit—vomit until your blood ran dry, until it curdled around your muscles, trembling over the cold toilet seat.

"Watch me," you had said.

"Watch me fall apart" is what you had meant.

So she does, through the blurred layers of your reflection, her eyes staring back. Why did you have to bear such an eerie resemblance to her? The power she held over you was suffocating, for even in thought, she found ways to claw at your lungs.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, how many different ways can I make my daughter fall?

It's been hours.

Many, many hours before Felix finds you huddled beside the toilet bowl. Your dead eyes stare—just stare. Not blinking. Not moving. Not twitching an inch. His reaction is almost instant; he drops to his knees, jerking you towards himself. He grips your pale cheeks, begging you to look at him—just once. Blink. Flinch. Move something. Finally, finally, like little butterfly wings, your eyelids flutter to life. Before you can even speak, he's yanking your head onto his chest, his heart pounding vehemently inside the thin fabric of his cotton T-shirt.

Though every cell in your body screams at you to stay, you withdraw. Your gaze is laden when it lands on him, and for a moment, he is taken aback—that is, until you slip a slim white object into his palms.

Silence.

That is what precedes your actions. He stuffs your heart into a meat grinder, and with every excruciating minute that passes, it feels like he cranks it up one level higher. He reads the result over and over, breaking it down to syllables, letters—backwards, forwards, flipped upside down. Part of him didn't believe it—not that he didn't want to believe it, but simply because he couldn't. It felt impossible, improbable, really. His tongue twisted into knots between his teeth, rendering him utterly speechless. So instead, with trembling fingers, he grasps your wet jaw and pours all his thoughts into the line of your lips.

It came out a little something like: I love you

The whiplash is dizzying, like stepping into pounding rain and spinning; spinning, spinning, spinning until it feels like you'll twirl right off the earth. How could you believe that he’d reject you? It was so colossally stupid you almost want to smack yourself in the face—not that Felix would let you, of course.

You gasp at the same moment he sniffles, your synchrony causing him to chuckle, the sound thick with tears. He lays his forehead on yours, a disbelieving smile cracking across his cheeks.

"I'm going to be a dad," he utters, already envisioning all the adventures ahead. Hell, he was practically braiding his baby girl's hair right now. He seems to catch up with this reality because, with a sudden jerk, he has locked his hands underneath your armpits, hauling you into the air. You squeal, clutching his shoulders so tightly your nails dig in; it doesn't faze him—not when his head is tilted back, his smile like the edge of an everlasting sunrise. In that moment, as the bathroom swirls, you know, it was only with him your baby could view their reflection through the shattered glass of a broken cycle; and that is an accomplishment worth celebrating. At last, you begin to laugh.

Once you have begun, you don’t stop—not even when he gently sets you down, giggling as you sway, foggy and disoriented, his hands firmly steadying you by the shoulders. When you find enough balance to walk, you clasp urgent fingers around his wrist, drawing him to the bed. He happily follows. Calves hitting the frame, you fall backward, bouncing onto the mattress. With a dimpled grin, he crawls over your waist, littering kisses all over your face, leaving wet, slobbery marks. Laughter spills out of you uncontrollably, groaning when he licks up your cheek.

"Ewww, Lix, that was gross!" you giggle, wrinkling your nose in faux disgust. All of a sudden, as the overhead lights catch the bands of your eyes, it feels as though his breath has been ripped straight from his lungs—a stunning epiphany dawning on him.

He could reach across every timeline in an infinite multiverse of parallel realities, and yet, he still wouldn’t find a version of himself as in love with you as he is right now.

So, he does something crazy.

"I wanted to wait for the right time to do this," he utters, his face tight with masked emotion. "And I promise, one day I'll buy you something flashier." Your brows furrow, your heart pounding wildly in your chest, about as confused as you are nervous—especially when he slides down the bed, halting to leave a kiss atop the fabric of your covered belly. His nose bumps your stomach when he peers up at you through tear-stained lashes. "But for now, I wanted to ask for your heart with something meaningful—something that means forever."

Every atom buzzes with anticipation when he dips to one knee, digging a finger into the front of his jeans. Finally, he fishes a small velvet box from the confines of his pocket. Your hands fly to your face, shielding a choked sob. "Will you marry me, Y/N L/N? Will you let me love you in every lifetime?" He flips open the lid, and as if you were dipping into the well of time, nestled in the silky cushions was amber sea glass—your amber sea glass. For years, it burned a hole in your pocket, anchoring you to the ground, to earth. Then you met him, and suddenly, you didn’t seem to need it anymore. You evolved, and in time, your little sliver of the sea got lost among the waves of life. You don't ask him where he found it; frankly, you don’t care. You don’t really care about anything except him.

Without a shred of doubt, you exclaim, "Yes! Yes, Felix! Of course, I’ll marry you!" You don't even let him hand you the necklace before you collide with his chest. He grunts as your full body weight slams into him, but he doesn’t mind it—not when you’re busy kissing words onto his freckles, mumbling over and over, "I love you. I love you. I love you." He is so enthralled with the moment that he almost forgets.

"There’s more," he breathes, extracting the box from between your smooshed stomachs—not really sure how it got there, but nevertheless settled atop his folded thighs, he uncurls your fist, sliding the pendant into your palm.

Your hands are cold, holding something so old. You flip the smooth stone.

Time was such a volatile thing; how easily it is broken—for with a simple flick of the wrist, you are caught outside of all existence.

Your lips part, his sucking in your shuddering gasp. Right then, right there, all that existed was the two of you, his hands trailing up your shoulders, the cold snap of gold clasping around your neck. Felix kisses you like he will never be able to again. Your fingers tug at the weight around your neck, almost in awe that you still had it on—that any of this was real.

In every lifetime.

You run your thumb over the inscriptions, golden letters scrawled on the surface of a star. He had plucked his promise straight from the sky; for now, far past his grave, your love will live on, tumbling deep beneath the waves, until his soul finds it and pledges you his heart all over again.

If you liked this please consider telling me i worked really hard on this Thank you! also little side note if I find time I might add an installment because there was supposed to be one more scene before the pregnancy but I got too overwhelmed but that scene gave more of a closing to the readers relationship with her mom sooo maybe more soon lol

[good-oldfashioned-lover-girl]

thanks sm for the tag <3 (used to be johnlockwolfstar) and ik it’s so late but hey who cares

LALALALA - stray kids

best friend - conan gray

the secret history - the chamber orchestra of london

dancing with our hands tied - taylor swift

maniac - conan gray

npt @my-castles-crumbling @margaret-the-duck @chace-vito @rosemarycrowley @discoveredreality @marauders-everything2 @y0url0verb0y @emmamcmath @saintchaser @uglybug0 @my-beloved-fandoms @moonysfavoritetoast @cruciomyself @moonysfavouritesweater (dm if you don't want to be tagged in the future!)

tagged by @seekdestr0y to list 5 songs ive had on repeat!!!!!!! thank u sm!!!!!!

1- radio clash by the clash 2- the day the world turned dayglo by xray spex 3- ha 3ape by alyans 4- nude by radiohead 5- beyond the pale by big audio dynamite

tagging: @try-cry-why-try @bigdookiepookie @poprocksncokeee @harbingerofskulls @martystlouis and anyone else who would like to!!!!!

[countdown-to-love]

A P1Harmony Beginner’s Guide

Since I’m seeing lots of new people taking an interest in P1Harmony these days, I thought now is the perfect time to make a little guide like this that might help a few of you with getting to know the boys better^^

Guide Masterlist

Music Videos:

Siren

Breakthrough

Scared

Do It Like This

Do It Like This English Version

Gotta Get Back (feat. Pink Sweat$)

Doom Du Doom

Music Show Stages:

All Siren Era Music Show Stages

All Scared Era Music Show Stages

All Do It Like This Era Music Show Stages

Some Covers & Performances worth checking out: everything they do is worth checking out imo, but I can’t link every single thing they’ve ever done here skldajfölkads

Maniac (Conan Gray Cover)

Good 4 U (Olivia Rodrigo Cover)

At My Worst (Pink Sweat$ Cover)

Shine (Pentagon Cover)

Our Beloved Medley Vocal Cover

Billie Eilish Medley Dance Cover

(everything else is under the cut, because this got a bit long)

More fun stuff to watch: (in chronological order)

♢ Self Introductions [Keeho & Theo, Jiung & Intak, Soul & Jongseob] Basically what the title says, also shows how distinct their characters are very well! + they get to showcase their drawing skills (?)

♢ Stream Highlights from their appearance on Ara TV In which they eat, chat, and Keeho burps on live television. (I realize this doesn’t have eng subs so... if you’re learning/can speak Korean you’re welcome (?) Otherwise just watch them be cute uwu)

♢ Lunar New Year’s Celebrations 2021 Watch P1Harmony playing traditional Korean games and occasionally losing their minds a lil :’)

♢ A series of little interviews in collaboration with Wonderwall This is unfortunately pay2watch, but I wanted to link it anyways because these videos are what really made me fall in love with P1Harmony fully, plus they give a nice insight on their working process as well as the boys’ thoughts and feelings. By now you can find the full episodes on yt as well, if you have trouble finding them let me know and I can send you the links^^

♢ Hard Training Team [Ep 0, Ep 1, Ep 2, Ep 3, Ep 4] A fun little series to start getting to know their personalities!! Tbh all of their series are worth watching, you can check my series guide for those^^

♢ Secret Friend of Idols In which they play games fighting for regional Korean food and also Intak curses. 

♢ P1Harmony takes a lie detector test This speaks for itself tbh. Also Soul wants to see the world burn.

♢ To 2022 P1Harmony The Piwons sending video messages to their future selves!

♢ Weekly Idol Way too much happened here...

♢ Poster & MD Making Film for their first Tour Watch them being very handsome~

♢ P1Harmony building an Ikea shelf I will certainly not hire them to build any furniture for me whatsoever.

Vlives:

Until the end of 2021 they did so-called “partner vlives”, where they’d always pair up and do one or two scheduled lives within a certain amount of time. I thought since they’re fun to watch and eng subbed (mostly anyways...) I want to link a few here^^

SeobKee Age (Keeho & Jongseob) A father and one of his sons making food together.

JongJi-Boo (Jiung & Jongseob) INTJ-line giving life advice.

PlanTHEOing with Soul (Theo & Soul) They’re trying to grow plants and have close to no idea what they’re doing.

Dance Machine (Jiung & Intak) Half of dance line covering a bunch of songs and freestyling.

Ohyaho (Keeho & Theo) Two extroverts setting marshmallows on fire.

SaeTakSoul (Intak & Soul) Them making Dalgona candy and Intak doing 90% of the work. (But Soul is still being very cute so it’s all good~)

Some P1H Blogs to follow:

So you can fill your dash with the boys~ There are obviously a lot more blogs who post about them on here, but I wanted to give a selection of P1H-only blogs^^

@choi-taeyang

@choitaeyang

@huangintaks

@hwang-intak​

@hyunhun-88​​

@incorrect-p1h​

@jiung-s

@jiungweb​

@kee-ho​

@piwonies​

@stephen-yoon​

@tebaragi​

Guide Masterlist

more short guides per era: Siren Era Highlights - Scared Era Highlights - DILT Era Highlights

[linkles-art-blog]

Sometime between late March 18th and early March 19th of 2023, my most beloved fanfic, Cherish, reached a grand total of 1,000 hits on AO3, fulfilling the another of our milestone goals.

Though I’m releasing this a little later than I’d planned, here is my official “thank you” artwork in response to that incredible record. I truly am grateful to each and every one of Cherish’s fans who helped this to happen; y’all are amazing and I love you so much. 🥺💖

Oh! And please don’t forget that we currently have art requests open to celebrate this event!!! Feel free to check out more about that here if you’re interested! ^-^

Do not repost this artwork anywhere without my explicit permission or claim it as your own. See F.A.Q.s for details.  

Songs I listened to while drawing this:

My Cherish Playlist (the public and currently only partial version of which you can listen to here.)

Other songs mostly unrelated to the vibe that I also listened to:

Maniac by Conan Gray

Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray

[hermitcraft-playlists]

keralis my beloved. criminally low amount of songs in his playlist and im here to fix that, lolol. a chunk of these songs are lifted from someone else's hermitcraft spotify playlist ("the bamboo lounge") lol. most entries were chosen based on his vibes to me + my own preferences

anyways please accept this humble bundle for his playlist:

heart emoji - ludic, love me like - ludic, water fountain - alec benjamin, remember that night - sara kays, thelma + louise - bastille, lover boy - phum viphurit, maniac - conan gray, tell it to my heart - taylor dayne, mago - gfriend, let's groove - earth wind and fire, break my heart - dua lipa, every single time - jonas brothers, feelin like - pentagon, f*ck it im the man - SEB, fkn around - phony ppl, fluids - michael medrano, leave the door open - bruno mars, i'll treat you right - matt large, eye - zsundere, misery - maroon 5, villain - stella jang, under caffeine - stella jang, burn the house down - ajr, three-thirty - ajr, break my face - ajr, infinity - ajr, mundo - iv of spades, hey barbara - iv of spades, nag-iisang muli - cup of joe, positions - ariana grande, hey stupid i love you - jp saxe, kiss me more - doja cat, gashina - sunmi, pporappippam - sunmi, new rules - txt, never gonna give you up - rick astley, tainted love - isaac dunbar, i wanna dance with somebody - whitney houston, papa dont preach - madonna, vogue - madonna, sweet dreams - eurythmics, the winner takes it all - abba, sumayaw sumunod - the boyfriends, heartbeat - red 7, i cant stop me - twice, ladida - everglow, call me - blondie, little lies - fleetwood music, told you that i love you - ali gatie, circles - post malone, better - boa, i dont mind - boa, hip - mamamoo, dont go - underground collective, buwan - juan karlos, hanggang kailan - orange & lemons, eight wonder - lemon demon, cabinet man - lemon man, soramimi - vaundy, napori - vaundy, life hack - vaundy, 恋風邪にのせて - vaundy, 東京フラッシュ - vaundy

much loves! :3

First of all - Holy Shit Anon. I think you might be about to rocket Keralis up the ranking list. You're lucky you caught us on a sick day otherwise this would've ended up dwelling in our inbox for probably a few weeks. Anyway, here's the link to Keralis' now quite long playlist

[wackus-bonkus-maximus]

Hi<3 once again, I have a few songs for the odnlb playlist :D (I'm the Pomme songs anon btw<3)

Working for the Knife - Mitski (Adrien. "I always knew the world moves on, I just didn't know it would go without me", he's so sad about everyone moving on while he's still stuck in his old abusive life :c or "I always thought the choice was mine, and I was right, but I just chose wrong", we know he blames himself even if he knows he's just been controlled</3)

Family Line - Conan Gray (Adrien, just Adrien)

Summertime Sadness - Lana del Rey (Marinette about her kitty)

Mirrorball - Taylor Swift (Adrien again! He is what others want him to be)

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max (our beloved Lila)

Quelqu'un M'a Dit - Carla Bruni (Marinette! Is her beloved kitty still in love with her? Could that be possible?)

People You Know - Selena Gómez (the betrayal! Maybe Nino in the last chapter thinking that Adrien is Argos?)

Gilded Lily - Cults (Adrien maybe? He's already decided that it's time to do something, but he's so tired too)

Always Forever - Cults (Mari and Adrien in every existing font)

Possibility - Lykke Li (Adrien. Just a little and sad hope)

No One Ever Loved - Lykke Li (Marinette. The only one who really loves Adrien even knowing all his sides, and not all his reasons)

If I Killed Someone For You - Alec Benjamin (Adrien. "You have to understand that the one I killed is me, changing what I was for what you wanted me to be. I followed your direction, did everything you asked. I hope that makes you happy, 'cause there's just no turning back")

Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith (the angst!)

Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush (Mari! She would do anything for Adrien (and vice-versa))

Hope you like them! 🐈🐞🐝🐍🐲🦊🦚🦋🐢

i got SO excited when i saw your ask! your taste in music is sublime!

mmmm yesss sad and bleak but the singer can't help but try to hope things will get better, just like our poor adrien!

yes!! this is such a good one, it traces adrien's trauma like a geneology. he is made of his pain and of his father's sins & this song really does feel like it's talking about the agrestes

another one i didn't think to put on here! this is perfect from ladybug's perspective. she is sooo not handling her grief well and she's ready to make bad choices that step from deep pain and broken love.

ooh i had a hard time interpreting mirrorball when it came out but wow oh wow does it fit adrien well. he's lost his identity in the function of others' schemes. and you know what, i think this song could also fit luka, and how he relates to adrien.

dude YES. it's lila about herself, which is the most meta lila content ever. absolutely agree 100%.

this is so sweet and literally just what i need for an upcoming scene 👀 how poetic and shy and hopeful in the midst of the bitterness this singer is experiencing. so fitting for odnlb ladynoir

love this for the adrien & nino relationship, but you know what? it kinda works for adrien & gabriel too.

ooohh this song was so deep and sad. you're right, it suits adrien so well; all those self-destructive tendencies he has, but also all the love in his heart.

it's them! it's each to the other, them against the world ♥️ 🐞🐈‍⬛

lol poor little meow meow. all his life he just wanted to be loved and do good and look where it's gotten him. he's so sad, he's ready to go. he's resigned to it now and that makes him more sad than anything.

okay this one actually made me emotional lol. what a way to capture grief. chat noir is everything beautiful and meaningful to ladybug and when he "died" all those parts of her kinda died too :((

if i killed someone for you - this is so dark!! but omg it does fit adrien so well! he has done everything for his father/monarque that he has essentially destroyed himself in the process. lol maybe that's why he's so all right with it

only love can hurt like this - ok what a bop first of all. i actually listened to it twice because i was imagining ladynoir first and then feligami 😂 love kinda hurts them but they literally can't stop

running up that hill - again, you have opened my eyes to a song that fits odnlb so well! marinette is so desperate and sad and in such pain. she really would have swapped places with chat noir if she could have, because nothing was right if it wasn't the two of them together :(