#compulsive heteronormativity

[gay-aunt-jackie]

How do you overcome the fear of someone making fun of you or looking at you weird for wearing what you want that might not conform to their minds?

[gay-aunt-jackie]

danvotchka:

Dame Julie Andrews says it like it is, back in 1982.

danvotchka:

Dame Julie Andrews says it like it is, back in 1982.

danvotchka:

Dame Julie Andrews says it like it is, back in 1982.

[pyxilate]

No but like they gave us Vol 1 and 2 with WR crumbs, then the creator of the show (who shipped them) died and then they rebounded in Vol 6, gave us a tiny crumb in Vol 7, then undid all that shiz in Vol 9 only to turn around and give us them goofy ah gays in RWBYxJL and the homoerotic RWBY IQ, and I’m all for it

[silliest-donkey]

I'm so tired of people assuming ending up with a woman when you are a woman yourself is "downgrading" or "not the actual thing" I'm pissed.

"You need a man to provide" Bullshit. You need a woman to provide your self-esteem back. The whole heteronormative mentality of "men providing" is based on pure gibberish. Women have always been the ones providing, always been the ones considered to be the "givers" - the "givers" of care, the "givers" of affection, the "givers" of children, and the "givers" in the bedroom.

This is the norm, but it's not normal.

This society fucked us up so bad we are brainwashed into believing the only way for a woman to find satisfaction and meaning in her life is pleasing a man and that everything else no matter how productive it is or how fulfilled it makes her (for example focusing on her career, or being herself outside of the men gaze) "turns her away" from her "true purpose". In some countries it's a cultural reference to call single women past 30 "rotten fruit", divorced women "leftovers" and queer woman a "waste".

"It's such a shame you're a lesbian, you're too pretty to be gay" It's such a shame you have balls because I'm gonna kick them so hard you'll be flying to Neptune !

Also the idea that men who find out the girl they're interested in is a lesbian get their upset feelings validated - when lesbians who find out the girl they're interested in is straight get publicly shamed and called "perverts".

This is the norm, but it's not normal.

[outstanding-quotes]

Sometimes she thought she was in love with him, waking up in the morning and looking blankly at the ceiling, remembering suddenly that she knew him, remembering suddenly his face shining with affection for her because of some gesture of affection on her part, before her sleepy emptiness had time to fill up with the realization of what time it was, what day, what she had to do, the soldier substance that made up one’s life. But the feeling bore no resemblance to what she had read about love. Love was supposed to be a kind of blissful insanity.

Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt

[encrucijada]

3 new possible additions to my aroace girls cinematic universe (that needs a better name) 🫶

[maegalkarven]

At least one Banite looked at Gortash and Durge and took notes.

[windows-in-the-night]

one interesting thing that i've noticed about comphet is for women, it makes having a guy best friend into such a big deal whether ur straight or not. a big way of combatting comphet would be just treating your guy best friends like you would any other friends despite what society says. mixed-gender friendships aren't anything strange, and especially for queer women, it's important to have a diverse group to hang out with. for me personally, it just helps me feel like myself. having a diverse group of friends without any romantic pressure makes me incredibly happy.

examples of being a good friend to him (cishet edition):

ask about his interests! they might not be what you think they are, and you guys could have a lot of fun exploring them together (ex: kendrick lamar & drake feud, my friend and i have literally texted for hours upon hours about this)

offer him a hug if he looks like he needs one

ask him how his days are going! we tend to treat cishet men like they never fall or feel bad or sad, so giving dudes the opportunity to open up to you sometimes can be really good for their mental health and show them that you care.

find out what his favorite flowers are and surprise him with them on his birthday

send him tiktoks!

just show him lots of love because he deserves it, just like any other friend of yours would. gender doesn't matter when showing love platonically, but it's the thought and people behind it that do.

[gay-aunt-jackie]

"She can't be a lesbian she loves sonic"

PLOT TWIST!! SHE JUST ADMIRES SONIC SO MUCH SHE TRICKED HERSELF INTO THINKING IT WAS A CRUSH AND THEN THE MORE SHE GOT TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON SHE WAS LIKE "Oh wait- I like girls" AND HE IS 100% SUPPORTIVE

[dumpster-fire-deluxe]

The urge to open my dating profile to men to see if I'm ✨ actually lesbian ✨

But I only ever attract men with bad intentions so what would the point be. No man has ever asked me out with good intentions so what am I expecting

It's literally a pattern: if they're into me, they're trash.

One guy straight up confessed that he wanted my friend but I seemed more approachable so his plan was to go through me

So what if I'm not actually lesbian but I got tired of attracting filth? Is the Sheev thing a sign? Would I really get different results now?

[fuck-comphet]

i really dont know whether or not im attracted to men.

i know im attracted to women. theres never been any question in that, but with men... i mean i know when one is good looking or charming, and... i feel like i should feel the same way for them as i do for women

the idea of having a boyfriend or husband (who isnt an asshole) is really comforting for me. it makes me blush to think about but in reality i just struggle to feel anything for men. somwtimes when i see a goodlooking guy im overhwlmed by daydreams of being with him but if the situation actually presented itself i am so deterred

but i feel like i shouldnt be ....

is this just comphet? or am i just repressing my attraction?

Hello friend!

Look, I can’t tell you what you are feeling because only you can know that for yourself, but liking the idea of men (including the safety and comfort of straight-passing) is not the same as attraction in real life.

Before I finally admitted to myself that I am a lesbian, I wanted to cling to heterosexuality so bad, I couldn’t bear the idea of letting go of that safety net. And that’s what comphet does and why it’s so hard to work through: it’s the conditioning of thinking that being with men is the correct, good and only way to live a fulfilled life. You are using language like “I should be feeling”, which is what comphet tells you you should be feeling. Everyone wants a fulfilled and safe life! But comphet is a lie: if you are not attracted to men, to real men in real life outside of daydreams and fantasies, you will not be fulfilled or happy being with a man.

I would encourage you to ask yourself: why would you suppress your attraction to men and not your attraction to women, when it’s much safer and easier to date men and be straight-passing (even if you are sapphic)? I’m asking you this because when I still identified as bi, I fully minimized and suppressed my attraction to women and convinced myself that I was attracted to men because I thought considering men and being attracted to them was a mandatory experience, despite men leaving me indifferent. (Obviously I can only speak to my own experience and others may have just as valid experiences/perspective that differ from mine.)

Whatever label or identity you land on, the queer community loves and welcomes you ❤️🧡🤍💓

[sonatine]

Sarahland // Sam Cohen

[felicity-worthington]

Why is “Doctor Odyssey” a television show that very cleverly shows the depth of the human condition?

So, I have seen some people say that Doctor Odyssey is fun (especially because of Ody3) but also just a superficial show with no plot and I have to politely disagree. I think this show is the opposite, it's just supposed to look silly and superficial at first glance, as you can see when they repeat the phrase "we constructed a paradise" in the weekly recaps.

It is supposed to look like that, it is the idea of a cruise itself, for a week you escape the real world, you enter a new constructed one, which is supposed to be paradise without problems. But here's the thing, here is why there's a doctor and two nurses on this ship: it's just an idea, it's not real.

We especially see this in the episodes "I Always Cry at Weddings" and "Quackers" and of course in the main storyline of Max, Tristan and Avery navigating their relationship and their constant struggle with what they really want in life.

Let's start with "I always cry at weddings" to deconstruct the idea of superficiality with the weekly funny themes and the show only being silly because it's quite obvious here I think. I mean, a man commits suicide in this episode because he's deeply conflicted about what he really wants out of life and how he thinks there is an incurable darkness within him. And we see him, his bride and his best man as an example of how this construction, this idea of heteronormative happiness is just that for a lot of people: just an idea that doesn't guarantee you happiness, but actually destroys lives (not everyone's, of course). And we start this episode superficially, with a couple about to get married on a cruise, the perfect wedding in perfect paradise. But as the episode progresses, we see the cracks and then it gets very real. The scenes with the groom breaking down in the infirmary, the bride talking to Avery and Max after the suicide and her mother's confession are all absolute tearjerkers in the best way. I mean, watch that scene and then tell me again that this show is just a silly Riverdale for adults:

This is actually one of my favorite scenes of the show because the delivery of the line "we need to help this boy" is just perfect, the actress did an amazing job. Also, the character herself says "she pretended her fears away", which underlines the show's idea that this is a paradise where people should just forget their worries, but actually real life catches up with you no matter where you are, you cannot hide from it.

The other example I was thinking of is the latest episode with the Quackers community, which is super silly in a lot of ways and I love that, don't get me wrong.

And then you have this older couple, the leaders (?) of this community, who seem extremely superficial and silly, I mean, going on cruises to go on a quack treasure hunt? So silly. BUT then the cracks start to show again as one of them, the husband (I don't know what his name was, so I'll just call him the husband and her the wife), shows a serious condition, the compulsive urge to swallow objects. When confronted, the wife literally denies it, unable to face the ugly truth. In her world everything is perfect, she and her husband are on a never-ending treasure hunt on paradise cruises, and when something real, something problematic threatens that, she can't accept it at first. And we see that again later in the episode when she refuses to leave the ship:

She wants to stay in paradise, in denial, on the surface. But that's not possible, you can't ignore real life:

But this is her and her husband's dream, an endless paradise in search of ducks, and it's hard to let go and take a deeper look at life and accept that floating through life is a nice idea and might work for a while, but it can't go on forever:

regarding her husbands condition:

Once again the theme of what we want (superficial) and what is really going on (what is behind the construction of paradise) is mentioned.

All of this, and all of the recurring themes I mentioned, are also at play with the three main characters and their constant struggle with what they really want out of life. In a way, their calling to help people is fulfilled by their professions, but then they keep asking themselves, "Is this enough? Is this what I really want out of life, taking one cruise after another?

The theme of constructed ideas versus what is actually going on is also seen in their throuple situation. Max and Tristan have probably always seen themselves as straight, and now they are getting a deeper look at who they are and what they really want out of life. And that is scary, and it often takes years to deconstruct habits and self-image.

But there is no unnecessary weird teenage drama in this show, it is very real. It is supposed to look superficial, you only have to look a little closer to see that it is not.

So once you deconstruct the idea that this is all superficial, you will see that yes, it is silly, so is life and we need those silly and funny moments in life and in this show, but it is also very, very deeply human in many tragic but also good ways.

[yameoto]

yam love love love that analysis on cate you just posted and was curious what your thoughts are on queers (lesbians in specific obviously) reading her as a closeted lesbian going through comphet?

tbh i could talk about this for hours but would just like to say that she legitimately had queen maeve posters all over her childhood bedroom lol didn’t believe that soldier boy shit for a SECOND.

comphet reading of cate dunlap ft. mariecate

TLDR so u don’t have to read the whole thing; all of cate’s relationships with men are overall fake and do not revolve around love, rather the forging of an idealised identity formed around media (comphet Classic). cate’s only real raw genuine untainted relationship is with a woman. ft. mariecate

id love to my favourite hobby is looking at characters through a orangepinkwhite tinged lens. cate’s relationship with luke fits the comphet bill almost too well. firstly, cate being locked up her whole childhood means the formation of identity would be entirely based on media. a very heteronormative landscape of media, which aligns with traditional comphet. you could say her relationship with luke—literally golden boy—is comphet based, the ‘gold standard’ for a relationship cate’s drawn from all that she’s consumed in her childhood years. effectually, cate’s entire early life was robbed of her. and here, she achieves her perception’s ‘perfect’ idea of a life through luke, and forms her entire identity around him (hence her desperation to keep him). this is especially evident in the fact she changed her major to ‘hero management’ just to support luke’s career. to fully commit in shadowing him, for the rest of her life.

except, it’s fake. the entire relationship is fake. by the time of the show, cate has erased and changed and warped luke’s memory, his identity to the point where his mind breaks by the pilot. the fauxness and dysfunction of luke/cate’s relationship despite their image of unattainable perfection is probably her largest comphet indicator. maybe she loved him (not enough to remain faithful, however), but it reads as more of a subconscious love of what he represented, and something to anchor her identity to, which she’s never had a chance to form. as well as a means as to gain shetty’s affection and trust, no matter if she thought it was for his own good or not. her relationship with luke was poisoned, for a multitude of reasons.

(sidenote: cate/luke comphet reminds me of jiper comphet down to the false memories piper’s charmspeak and jason as the golden boy who literally explodes so like. there’s that’s free tidbit for anybody who is tapped the fuck in.)

cate has been so deprived of love she seeks it wherever she can find it. hence her stint with andre, which obviously ends in shambles because it’s foundations are already shaky, considering she’s cheating on luke with him, and andre is fucking his best friend’s girlfriend, but is also disingenuous, because cate’s compulsion powers arguably affect andre the secondmost to luke (though, by a wide margin). these are her two only romantic interests, and they suffer the worst consequences of it.

enter.. marie moreau. and cate’s relationship with marie is more genuine than any of her romantic relationships, which i think is the most telling thing. cate and marie serve as foils to each other: both in the manslaughter of their loved ones, the way shetty attempts to use them, and how can you NOT ship two reflections of each other?

in the finale, cate reaches out her hand, and andre can’t take it, because he doesn’t trust her. you can’t blame him. inversely, marie is the one always reaching out to cate, who is constantly defending cate’s intentions and her motivations to the others—when cate doesn’t deserve the benefit of doubt. partly, it’s because marie has known cate the least amount of time, making the betrayal sting the least. but also, cate’s relationship with marie is also the one least tainted by her compulsion powers; marie is the least affected by cate’s manipulations (to love her, to stay with her), and yet, despite marie not being compelled to do so; she still retains her faith in cate. that cate is good. that cate can be good, which is a fact not even cate believes in.

marie actively sees through cate’s compulsion, and later, nulls it. there’s a reason why marie is the one to discover cate’s betryal. there’s also a reason why marie is the one to blow cate’s arm off when saving jordan. in the same episode that cate reaches out and andre draws away, marie reaches out to cate, and cate draws away. that is a very direct comparison. it also speaks to cate’s larger unwillingness to accept love that is untainted, either fear she herself will ruin it, or because she doesn’t think she deserves it.

anyways, all this to say that yes, cate could totally be read as comphet. and mariecate is totally metal as they are, romantically involved or not.

[selkie-on-land]

This !!

First I think it's very intimate so when someone ''ask'' those questions, our first reaction is defense as those are intrusive questions but when we ask those questions it's more ''ask yourself'' and not like an interrogation.

It's also a very complicated topic, not just about lesbian/what sexuality you are but to face the harsh reality of what it is to be a woman, in this society. I don't know a single one that is not traumatised and how it impact everything in our lives.

A very very few people knows about psychotraumatology especially about sex violence and the consequences that it can cause. And how it can also mimic some sexuality like being repulse by penis because of rape and believing it's homosexuality despite having no attraction to women because homosexuality is usually seen like this, or being hyposexual and believing you're arosexual or being hypersexual with a Traumatic excitement where all you crave is to reanact your own abuse etc. Those are just non Exhaustive examples.

In a very different society it wouldn't be that difficult to understand what you are. But in this one, especially as a woman, it's extremely difficult because there are so many things that kept us from knowing and discovering our truth. I mean, most women don't even know what a female adult human looks like. We are so massively brainwashed, in addition of that, we are deeply traumatized, living in a society where we are not allowed to desires anything but our oppression which is being a domestic and sexual slave. And society/men is using our own trauma to exploit, manipulate and abuse us further more.

And depending your environment in addition of the shame of being a female, is a shame about your sexuality.

In feminist/leftists/militant environment shame to be OSA because it's seen as being the perfect slave that actually love her own oppression and being the oppressor so there is a craving for being something else, anything else, leading to OSA women claiming they are bisexual, lesbian, NB, trans etc.

In the rest of the world and environment it's the exact opposite, the shame of being SSA and therefore not the perfect slave to men, leading to SSA women to try to hide their truth behind other more acceptable identities like bisexual, straight, aro, nb, trans etc.

This shouldn't exist. There is no shame in being heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. Same as there is no shame for having blue, green or brown eyes. Those are just things that we Intrinsically are, that's how we were created as baby humans even before our birth. Nothing can change that. (Except for the eyes plastic surgery but you get my point hopefully)

Sexuality is a spectrum yes but only within each individual and your own sexuality.

I'm not sure how to develop that.

The spectrum is not from bisexual to heterosexual to arosexual or whatever.

It's a spectrum within each sexuality.

The sexuality spectrum is more about the fluctuations of desire and attraction through all our lives not from one sexuality to another.

You don't always have the same amount of desire through your life, it fluctuate with your hormones, your environment, your health etc. You having more or less desire than from another period in your life doesn't change your sexuality.

I'm sorry I'm lacking of vocabulary, in my language it's different words with different meanings but the only translation I can find in English is the same word for the both terms I'm trying to explain.

There is a misunderstanding and those two concepts have been merged by the new generation, the libfem, trans etc. One is about the sexual orientation and the other is the spectrum of the libido/desire/sexuality in your life. One is a spectrum yes and the other is simply not.

Same for autism actually. Being autistic is a spectrum but the spectrum is within the autistic community. You are either autistic or you are allistic. The spectrum doesn't make you fluctuating between being autistic at some point in your life and then allistic at another point.

Agree. I have no idea why ppl who are attracted to men or penis say their lesbian. And lesbians are a small population, and the fact they are women makes it harder for them to be heard and taken seriously. Instead ppl like to infiltrate their spaces when they aren't welcome.

I hate how much lgb identities have changed meanings in modern times. No you can't be lesbian and bi at the same time. No you can't like dick and be lesbian. No you can't be lesbian if you're a man.

Lgb were such simple meanings, but they decided to instead be inclusive instead of making their own community or sexualities sperate from lgb.

[letteredlettered]

You are really making me appreciate gay!Harry! I know its not present in all you stories but I usually only wanted to see BiHarry and now Im finding new ways to look at Harry and how "easy" ( aka believable to me) a gay interpretation can be. Like Harry has nearly all his most emotionally charged/complex relationships with men, his canon love interests are underexplored without much screen time and generic (into his sport + hot like everyone at school points out), combined with Harrys denial of the safe heternormative family he would've had, I can see how would amplify internalized heteronormativity. I guess some of this is just a byproduct of a male centered narrative about teenagers but still interesting to explore in fics =)

I'm glad. Bi!Harry is great. He certainly seems to think he's attracted to girls in canon, so if you want to keep that but also write him with boys, then I can see how he would identify as bisexual. I also think bisexual representation is really important, since bi identities often get erased, especially if they settle down with someone.

But while I've written bi!Harry a time or two, I'm afraid I mostly see him as gay, gay, gay. I think it has to do with the way his attraction to women is written in canon; his feelings about Ginny come out of nowhere--no. That's not exactly true. His feelings for Ginny come out of watching Dean and Ginny kiss, which might mean he wants to kiss Ginny. It also might just mean he wants to kiss. And maybe it's specifically watching Dean with Ginny that gets him hot. Anyway, I actually like that scene, since it gives us the monster in Harry's chest, but everything after that feels really passionless.

And just because a guy has a passionless relationship with a girl doesn't mean he's gay! But Harry also seemed pretty passionless with Cho, and he's not passionless around Draco or Sirius or Snape. I mean, it makes sense that Harry is going to have strong feelings about a bully who tortures him, a long lost godfather who loves him, or a teacher who abuses him. But the fact that he does have chemistry with those guys and doesn't with his girlfriend does make me more interested in seeing him in relationships with men.

But yeah, a lot of it has to do with what you're saying about internalized heteronormativity. All Harry seems to want is a family and place to call home, which you see in his feelings for the Weasleys and the Burrow, in his feelings for Hogwarts and Dumbledore, his feelings for Sirius. The boy lived in a cupboard surrounded by people who hated him and told him he was worthless; he sees these other people with loving families and homes, and of course he wants that. And because of the way the world is, of course he thinks you have to a marry a girl just like his father did, have kids, and live in a magic house with a picket fence.

It's a case of compulsive heterosexuality if I've ever seen one. Bisexuality is still a complete rejection of comp het, but I love the idea of Harry realizing that what he thought was attraction to girls was comp het all along.