#complicated relationship boundaries due to imbalances of power

[batwynn]

I thought I’d share this little preview of my cute romance comic where the young master of the house and his valet fall in love, and all the complications or joys that go along with that. This is a comic that I’ve been working on and sharing only on Patreon so far. I haven’t had a lot of time to work on it, though, with other projects and commissions. I’m hoping to start sharing it on Webtoon if I can get some extra support via Patreon or Ko-fi to help me take some time off of commissions! (Yes, this is a bit of a shameless plug, I’m sorry. 🥲You also get lots of other fun stuff over on Patreon like the Quincey Morris comic, art requests for any tier level, stickers, cards, etc! We’re actually almost fully to my goal, thanks to the amazing support of awesome peoples!)

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Can ur new fic be read alone or do I have to read the series it's in? I want to check it out but haven't gotten the chance to read the other parts

Yeah, i try to make each fic work as a stand alone, though it's better to read as a part of the series, there's usually enough context and references to the previous part that theoretically you could jump in on the current part and hopefully not be too confused. Beginning of recent fics, i do include a small refresher/catch up section in the author's notes explaining the story so far.

If you're interested and don't mind spoilers for the series if you haven't read previous parts, I'll include a breakdown of everything under the cut :))

(TW/CW - mentions of domestic violence, unhealthy/abusive relationships, dubcon, noncon, drugging, power imbalance, past csa, past csem, past incest, coercion, torture, medical trauma, trafficking/forced prostitution, mental health issues including age regression, programming, sh, suicidal behavior, etc)

Overall plot: Paper Bag verse follows canon in the background timeline wise but it's not completely canon compliant. The series centers mostly around shigadabi with background spinaraki and spinnerdabi, and eventual spinarakidabi and explores their relationships and traumas as they spiral into deeper and deeper into unhealthy dynamics.

Individual fics and storyline:

Parts 1-3; Lights, Camera, Action , Mean , and I think worms and rats are living where my brain used to be centers primarily around Dabi, shigadabi and establish the relationship between them while also foreshadowing Spinner's later role in the series and the dynamics he builds with Shigaraki and Dabi.

The series opens with shigadabi being in an established casual sexual relationship that mostly serves as a means to an end/pass time for both of them. Tomura begins pushing boundaries within their relationship by filming/taking explicit photos of Dabi during their encounters, which triggers trauma responses from Dabi's past. It's revealed early on that Touya was sexually abused and exploited by his father and the hero commission as a child, and developed programmed responses and mental issues due to it, including a dissociative disorder which usually causes him to age regress and further complicates things as Tomura, for at least a while, isn't really sure why Dabi acts the way he does while they're sleeping together yet keeps triggering the same responses out of him-- sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

In Mean, the League is homeless and on the run after the bar raid and during the overhaul arc. Things escalate when Shigaraki kinda starts venting his frustration over afo and Kurogiri being arrested and the league's current predicament onto Dabi by beating and assaulting him to get his anger out, and eventually trafficking him and forcing him into prostitution for money for supplies and resources. Touya starts further projecting his Daddy issues onto Tomura due to seeing similiarities (Enji took advantage of Touya's grooming and took his anger out on him frequently as a kid, then pushed him into the trafficking to "make Touya make up for not being able to be a hero). Tomura finds out about Dabi's past by basically forcing him to trauma dump about it while he's drugged. Tomura also has some issues himself, having been raised to be desensitized to violence, torture, and rape by all for one via being forced to witness and participate in such things from a young age, Tomura doesn't really grasp the heaviness of what he's being told and takes advantage of Dabi's trauma to establish control over him.

Meanwhile, the rest of the League is not really aware of the issues Tomura and Dabi are having in their relationship, but Shuichi starts catching onto things when Touya starts hanging around with him while regressed after incidents between him and Tomura.

Part 4-5; Scraped Knees and Codependency pulls Spinner into the mix and establishes a casual fwb sort of dynamic beginning between Tomura and Shuichi while further developing a friendship between Dabi and Spinner.

In scraped knees, Tomura's possessive streak causes him to get closer to Shuichi to try and figure out why Dabi/Touya hangs around him, and Shuichi starts to catch Tomura's interest when he notices Shuichi's got some serious insecurities, relationship inexperience, and is pretty desperate for positive interaction. This leads him to manipulate him into a sexual relationship by drugging him, coercing him, and then gaslighting him about boundaries being overstepped. Shuichi's lack of healthy relationship experience and general self worth makes him easy for Tomura to take advantage of. Dabi's not really happy with this, and he kinda starts noticing Tomura's doing similar things with Shuichi that he did with him, but Tomura writes it off as Dabi being jealous and worried about being replaced.

In Codependency, Tomura starts trying to further look into Dabi's past when curiosity gets the better of him. He knows some from what Dabi told him in Mean, but wants to find out more. He cashes in a favor with Dr. Ujiko, knowing that Afo and Ujiko know of Dabi's past since he was in the facility, and Ujiko sends Tomura leaked csem videos of Touya when he was a kid. It's through these videos that Tomura figures out Dabi was programmed through grooming and torture/drug-based-mind-control by the Commission and takes note of his cues and triggers shown in the videos.

He later tests some of the cues out on Dabi, and basically causes him to shut down completely. Tomura, drunk on power, ends up doing some really awful shit to Dabi to "test how far he can take it."

Dabi is hardly able to remember anything while under the influence of the programming, and when he confronts Tomura about what happened, Tomura tells him everything in detail and gaslights him about it when he gets mad, saying that he didn't fight back or tell him to stop, so he figured Dabi was okay with it.

Dabi's pissed about this and feels violated and all, so he threatens to leave which starts a whole fight because Tomura's control and abandonment issues are like "oh hell no you can't just leave me." Tomura uses some guilt trippy tactics, threatens suicide and cuts himself, but Dabi's low empathy swag makes it not very effective, then it turns into physical aggression and abuse, but before it gets too far, Shuichi interrupts and is like "whoa wtf are you guys doing? 😰 calm down"

Without knowing much of any context for this, Shuichi tries to kinda play mediator between them. Tomura lowkey lies/downplays it as them getting into a mutual fight and Dabi threatening to leave while also kinda playing the victim. Dabi doesn't attempt to defend himself or explain what's actually going on so that doesn't help. So Shuichi ends up thinking they just have some really bad communication problems and writes off the signs of abuse as mutual toxicity. That coupled with Tomura's abuse earlier ends up convincing Dabi to stay.

Part 6; Gold is the longest fic in the series and arguably the most plot heavy. It centers around Shigadabi's dynamic spiraling to some really fucked up levels and begins to fully establish poly spinarakidabi.

Spinarakis on again off again fwb dynamic continues, and Tomura decides to try to pull him into stuff with Dabi. He kinda gets the impression that Dabi and Spinner are into each other and because he's got massive control issues if they're gonna fuck he wants them to fuck on his terms only. So he goes about pressuring Spinner to have sex with Dabi while Dabi's drugged and unconscious. Spinner gets really uncomfortable with this and refuses, and Tomura pushes and pushes until he gets fed up and ends up forcing himself on Shuichi.

Dabi wakes up later to Shuichi a whole mess and tries to figure out what happened, then gets really pissed about it.

He goes to confront Tomura about it after taking care of Shuichi, but Tomura's casual as always and doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong. Dabi loses it and snaps because of everything, attacks Tomura, burns him, and they get into a fight which Shigaraki ends up on the upper hand of. Tomura's hella pissed Dabi actually went off on him, drags him into the bathroom to use the shower to keep him from being able to use his quirk, then basically loses it on him.

Tomura kinda snaps after that because he registers Dabi fighting back and being defiant as losing control over him, and he gets this twisted idea to break Dabi down mentally enough that Dabi won't refuse or defy him anymore. He then spends, like, a week heavy drugging Dabi and torturing him in his private bathroom through waterboarding, dehumanization, a fuck ton of sexual torture, and basically retraumatizing him until he breaks mentally and doesn't resist anymore.

Once Tomura decides he's good and broken enough, Dabi's kind of a mess from all the torture and needs medical attention so he takes him to Ujiko where, surprise, he's abused even more but given medical attention.

While this is happening, they make arrangements for Tomura's quirk upgrade operation, which Dabi doesn't like the sound of. He tries to warn Tomura that its shady and afo/Ujiko are using and manipulating him but Tomura won't have none of it, too shaken up by the idea of being replaced or tossed aside by afo after learning about the spares to think about defying him.

Meanwhile nobody's aware this that this is happening behind the scenes and Tomura uses the time outside of PLF business and fucking with Dabi to further manipulate Shuichi. He gaslights Shuichi about what he did to him before (the whole "you won't fuck Dabi while he's unconscious so I'm gonna noncon you") and then twists the situation with Dabi into sympathy points for himself, saying Dabi attacked and burned him (and conveniently leaves out that he's currently got him tied up and drugged in his bathroom) which makes Shuichi feel bad and blame himself for "overreacting and making them fight."

Tomura also writes off Dabi being MIA by making up a story about him being off with Geten doing stuff with their regiment. Shuichi later secondguesses this when he asks Geten about it and Geten got no idea what he's talking about or where Dabi is, but by the time Dabi's allowed, like, freedom, both Tomura and Dabi himself double down on the lie and claim he was out doing villain stuff, excusing his injuries as battle wounds from that despite them clearly not being that.

Dabi doesn't wanna be alone after everything he went through so tries to hang out and drink with Spinner. Tomura ruins it though, coming in on them and forces them into a threesome by playing it off as "I can tell you two like each other so I wanna see you fuck." It's all awful, but Dabi's too broken by now to even realize it let alone do anything about it and Spinner knows something is wrong but any attempts at stopping things or trying to do something about it gets shut down and he's basically forced to go along with it.

Tomura gets the feeling he went too far during it and covers his ass with more manipulation and gaslighting, which goes fine with Dabi but now Shuichi's not liking the way things are going and tries to establish boundaries and shit. Tomura more or less says he's gonna try, but doesn't really mean it, and just writes everything off as "well you're the odd one out Dabi and I thought all this was normal wtf" he also explains away the level of abuse and violence during it as a kink thing, basically tells Shuichi that both him amd Dabi are into cnc and rough sex with dom/sub dynamics and Dabi "likes it and wants him to do it," and it's mostly him with the kinks. Dabi kinda just goes along with it because, again, he got mindbroken.

Part 7; I'm Gonna Infest Your Brain is a shorter glimpse into the poly relationship developing and starts to explore dynamics between them all together while also setting up stuff for Tomura's operation.

Shuichi asks Dabi on a low-key date which he at first doesnt invite Tomura to because Tomura's been stressed af with the upcomimg surgery. Tomura's pissed about it when he finds out and not only belittles the idea over and over to Shuichi but also kinda puts him in the position where he feels like he has to invite Tomura along bc Tomura's obv talking out of jealousy and feels left out.

Both Dabi and Spinner come into this thinking it's more of a casual hang out not-quite-a-date date, but Tomura comes in, well, prepared to fuck with them bc he's insecure and thinks he's losing control of them, esp with the surgery coming up and knowing he won't have access to them for a couple months.

He gets them both super drunk then uses Dabi's cues like it's a party trick to "show Shuichi how cool it is." Shuichi is kinda freaked out but the more he freaks out about it the more forceful Tomura gets. Shuichi tries to, like, be gentle and stuff because despite thinking this is all a kink thing and not really grasping its abuse, he wants sex in a different way than they're doing it. Tomura however only gets more abusive towards Dabi while Dabi's in that state of mind because he'll basically just take whatever he's given. Shuichi's uncomfortable with it but Tomura forces him into a bunch of shit anyway (makes him watch him fuck Dabi, makes him give Dabi oral and fuck him, basically keeps going and going until Shuichi's begging him to let them both take a break.)

When he finally let's them chill Touya's already age regressed and a whole mess and Shuichi gives him aftercare while trying not to feel like his whole nights plans got ruined. He's kinda pissed at Tomura for the way he treats them and gets snappy about it. Hes still freaked out about the doll programming cues and stuff, and when he asks about it Tomura makes Touya tell Shuichi about his csa and csem and childhood trauma, then explains they're "doing all this to help Dabi work through his trauma" and that Touya asked him to do this. This is a blatant lie, but again, Touya just goes along with it.

This makes Shuichi even more uncomfortable with stuff bc he didn't know about any of that and now feels like they're just reenacting Dabi's abuse. Neither of them really listen to his concerns though, and he kinda freaks out when Tomura wants to go another round-- esp since Touya is in real bad shape and having basically a mental breakdown, Shuichi doesn't want him to drop further but Tomura's so pushy about fucking him anyway that Spinner kinda gives in and tells Shig to fuck him instead to at least give Touya a break. Shig does that and he's really mean and gross, makes Touya watch and touch himself as he hurts Shuichi and degrades them both.

Shuichi's really really upset after and snaps, and him and Tomura start arguing which turns into Tomura kinda having a breakdown both because a part of him legit feels bad/confused about why he does this shit and also his usual gaslighting/manipulation shit. Dabi feels bad they're fighting and ends up lying to take the blame for everything, saying it was all his idea when it wasnt, which creates a rift between him and Shuichi now too. Tomura gets mad and leaves, Dabi and Shu loom there in sad awkward silence for a bit then Dabi leaves too and Shuichi has a breakdown.

The 8th part; Star Tripping I'm not gonna spoil much since it just started but it will follow the days leading up to Tomura's operation and the months following after. This one will end up being the first one in the series that's more spinnerdabi focused than anything else as they try to explore their relationship without Tomura constantly getting involved, but also delves into the codependency and toxicity in the relationships between all three of them, Tomura's rising guilt about how he's treating the other two, the risk Tomura's taking with the operation and how Dabi and Shuichi handle it. There's a lot planned for this one and it ( hopefully ) won't be as heavy as previous ones but still will keep a lotta the same themes.

[bluegekk0]

I've heard about how fpk relationship Herrah, but how exactly were his relationships with the other dreamers? I'm guessing that Lurien was simply a fan boy of fpk and was willing to do anything for him. And Monomon was the eccentric mad scientist who was more interested in fpks biology and is generally chaotic.

i definitely don't think he was particularly close to any of them, mainly due to his shy nature. he's always had a lot of personal issues to deal with, and unfortunately he found it difficult to open himself to others as a result.

that being said, they weren't strangers to each other. i'll start with monomon, since out of the two, i think had a more "equal", and thus closer kind of relationship. she was a researcher, which is a field that is most certainly quite close to his own hobby. after learning about the radiance's weakness to void from grimm, he approached monomon about it - she had the equipment to study it in more detail than he could, so her part in the plan was invaluable. but even before the infection, i like to think fpk visited her archives quite often. they provided extensive knowledge in many fields including the ones he was interested in, and most importantly of all, the quiet and secluded nature of the archive offered him an escape from the palace and all of the burdens. they weren't close, fpk wasn't the type to strike casual conversations, and monomon was aware of his status as the king, so she respected his boundaries

i'm not sure about the mad scientist energy for her, i think this is mostly fanon as i can't find anything that would suggest she was like that. but i like the idea of her being interested in fpk and his species. he was certainly one of a kind, even aside from the fact that he was the only one left, so he would undoubtedly be fascinating to her. granted, he kept a lot of his past to himself, he didn't feel comfortable talking about it since most of his memories were unpleasant, so unfortunately for monomon, she wasn't able to learn much from him. though i do think she had some literature that discussed wyrms as a species in her archives, the same way we can read about dinosaurs and other extinct creatures (since that's how i picture wyrms in the au). they lived for many years, and while the bugs of hallownest only gained higher mind thanks to fpk's influence, other territories were ahead of the race, so it makes sense that they would write about wyrms. a lot of it wasn't completely accurate, after all, it was incredibly difficult to study them and make it out alive, so there was a lot of speculation about their ways. perhaps monomon was able to verify some of that information in her conversations with fpk

as for lurien, i think it was a bit more complicated. like you said, lurien was certainly a bit of a fanboy, perhaps there was an one sided crush involved as well (as a little nod to palewatcher haha). of course, fpk was clueless and so never noticed, though he had another good reason to generally avoid him. lurien held immense respect for him, to the point that he often said he believed that fpk could do no wrong, being the king and, above all, a god. meanwhile, fpk felt like he didn't deserve such high praise, he's always had a quite low opinion of himself, and that unfortunately led him to developing impostor syndrome. deep down, he wanted validation, but there was a barrier in his mind that prevented it from truly accepting it. and so, lurien's endless praise would make him quite uncomfortable, so even if he did acknowledge lurien's feelings, it could never develop into a relationship. that is ignoring the power imbalance, which fpk personally wasn't comfortable with. there was also the possibility that lurien simply admired him for his power and status, as opposed to valuing him as a person. which, to be fair, he can't be blamed for, since fpk rarely shared anything about himself to most people. that being said, fpk held a lot of respect for lurien. his loyalty both to him and the city were admirable. but unfortunately, this mutual respect is as far as their relationship could go

i've considered the possibility of actually having lurien survive. perhaps ghost left him for last, as they found his knights too difficult of an opponent, but they ascended godhome before they got the chance to kill him. it's a very interesting idea, both for the city (lurien's presence would be invaluable for its return to glory, perhaps his position as the watcher would grant him even more power in this situation?) and for the potential for his relationship with fpk. i think seeing fpk in the state he is now would serve as a test for lurien and what qualities he actually admired him for. would he reject fpk just like the city did, seeing his current self as a shameful fall from grace? or would he still respect him as a person, and show that the entire time he truly valued fpk for who he was, not the position he held? it could really go either way, and personally, i really like the second idea. lurien would be a valuable ally to have in the city that is so hostile to the "traitor king", and this kind of dynamic could make for some fun scenarios. would he cover for fpk and, by extension, grimm? perhaps, if he did assume a role of authority, he would secretly condone grimm's activities in the city? after all, he did target criminals, which were a massive problem for the development of the city. also, if he did in fact have a bit of a crush on fpk back in the day, i would add some spice to their interactions

now that i'm thinking about this, i really, really like the idea. i would love to have one of the dreamers stick around, and with the city having a somewhat big role in the au, he would make the best fit. and i'd love to make an au design for him. i'll definitely think more about it

[kvaradonaa]

what is ur most controversial headcanon

I mentioned that one a couple of times, but never really detailed or explicit, and I already got anon hate for it. I think it stems from the belief that many people have (but not many admit they do): that fanfiction is not real writing. And that there's possibly no other reason to write fanfiction apart from short-lived emotional gratification over your "blorbos". Funnily enough, same people will enjoy The Crown or other "published" RPF without thinking that it's blind glorification just because it portrays someone.

Under the cut for lenght + R*ssian oligarch talk

Anyway, I do imagine that Sheva had an intimate relationship with former Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich. Perhaps even a sexual one. Obviously, it's just RPF, something that I use to make my RPF Sheva's backstory more dramatic and complicated. But, in real life, their alleged friendship did attract a lot of unwanted attention from media. At some point they even asked Sheva whether he lived in Abramovich’s apartment. The level of rumours was truly ridiculous.

Okay, but what does that mean? Obviously, I don't imagine such relationships as healthy and loving. I imagine Sheva as a victim of his former employer's abusive obsession. By his Chelsea teammates, he was described as unusually quiet, isolated, someone who believed that others were against him. Between his general struggles to accommodate and constant accusations of only being in Chelsea due to favouritism, it definitely wasn't the best moment of his career. I wouldn't be surprised if many of those media attacks came from intentional leaks, as multiple clubs are still known to use that tactics (hello FC Barcelona). One can imagine that feelings of being misunderstood would only push Sheva closer towards his boss.

Unfortunately, this vile manipulation seemed to work for a while. Almost every time Sheva did speak of Abramovich, it came off as so naive you can't help but feel actually sad. Describing him as a "simple person" who "didn't flaunt his wealth"? Going on like a teenager with a crush that he "liked everything about him"? Saying, uhh, this:

In 2021? A worry you still carried with you after so many years? My God, I want to go back in time and shake Sheva violently. He didn’t love you! I know that your ideas of love might have been skewed, but that wasn't it.

On top of clear power imbalance and elaborate manipulation, there's some vibe of like, constantly pushing on Sheva's boundaries. He didn’t want people to speculate, he turned down multiple job offers post-retirement. Even his transfer to Chelsea as a player included Abramovich personally texting him for almost three years. Not surprising that a man who built his wealth on crime and was used to buying his way into anything, couldn't take "no" for an answer. Do whatever you want with that.

I usually do not include wider context when talking about these two, because I simply don't feel comfortable or knowledgeable enough, and I do believe that it's still mostly about Sheva's personal bad decisions. But it's there. This is why I often feel bad about such headcanon.

But in all honesty? Why should I feel bad for imagining a fictional backstory for a very much real life friendship? Quite often, it's mostly based on real things (or at least things that were publicly said or done) with imagined emotions/trauma/dialogue etc. He should have known better than to keep such relationship for 19 years in the first place. You might think it's inappropriate, insensitive even, but do not attribute to me an agenda that I would never in a million years agree with (like one anon already did).

[optimistickidflowereclipse]

Alright, guys, I know that a lot of us here don’t consider Thor:Ragnarok as canon, but I’ve stumbled upon a post regarding it and would like to talk about the issue highlighted by it — mlm fetishization.

Namely, this interaction between Loki and Grandmaster giffed, as well as their relationship as whole,

“Time works real different around these parts. On any other world I would be millions of years old but here on Sakaar…(winks)”

And the overwhelming reaction to it in the comments

Imo this is what actual fetishization of gay men in the fandom looks like, not its popular “wahh, anybody other than a cis gay man has dared to ship two male characters together!” definition.

Here’s why:

When we look past the “GAY!!!0w0” part the majority of the commenters prefers to focus on, what is left is a heavily implied abusive relationship with incredible power imbalance, where one party holds basically unlimited power over the other whose very consent to stay in this arrangement is questionable at best.

Grandmaster is a tyrannical ruler of the planet Loki ended up stuck on due to circumstances outside of his control. The planet where according to what we were shown the options for most new arrivals are limited to joining GM’s court, becoming slave traders/guards or being enslaved and sent to the Arena to brutally die. Even if we assume that Loki came to GM’s palace out of his own will and wasn’t brought there as some scrapper’s capture like Thor, it still wasn’t an actual free choice given the alternative.

What is more, the movie itself clearly acknowledges this imbalance. GM is shown to be murder-happy and controlling towards everyone on Sakaar, including his closest circle.

Even the people he seems to be fond of are wary of him. He routinely disregards any boundaries anyone, including Loki, might have, while Loki looks clearly uncomfortable whenever they are in the same room and not at all like someone interested in their current or potential partner.

Take this scene, for example, where Loki unsuccessfully tries to leave Arena after seeing Hulk

“Whoa, whoa, where are you going, sit down.”

Notice the casual hand on his chest and Loki’s body language. GM doesn’t even stop to ask why Loki is so scared and running, he just pushes him back into the lounge area and Loki freezes and complies despite being absolutely terrified of the creature back there.

This is the behavior of a man who is well-aware that pissing GM off might very well equal a death sentence in his circumstances, as are most court members according to the following exchange:

Grandmaster : I'm upset! I'm very upset. You know what I like about being upset? Blame. Right now, that's the mindset that I'm in. And you know who I'm blaming?

Loki : Grandmaster, I...

Grandmaster : Hey! Don't interrupt me!

Topaz : [holds up a Melting Stick]  Here you go!

Grandmaster : Why are you handing me the Melt Stick? He was interrupting. That's not a capital violation. My precious champion has come up missing and its all because of that Lord of Thunder. It's all because of him, YOUR brother - whatever the story is, adopted, or complicated, I'm sure there's a big history - and YOUR contender!

Loki : My dear friend, if you were to give me twelve hours I could bring them both back to you.

Valkyrie : I can do it in two.

Loki : I could do it in one.

Grandmaster : You know what? I woke up this morning thinking about a public execution. But for now, I'll settle for this sweet little "who's gonna get him first?" So you're on the clock!

If Loki was a woman, all of them would immediately recognize this “relationship” for what it is — a pretty obvious centuries old “you are either mine or dead” situation — and call it out for being abusive. But when it’s two men, it’s only funny and sexy I guess.

And for the record — I’m not against abusive or problematic ships, I ship a lot of dark and messed up stuff myself. But you need to, you know, recognize that they are abusive and not brush it under the rug because “omg gay! So hot!” or acknowledge that you are shipping a very AU dynamic of the characters.

Because frankly, seeing posts like this leaves me as a bi guy wondering “how much toxic shit are these people willing to close their eyes to in irl mlm relationships according to the same logic of ooh, GaY?”

[shihalyfie]

The role of seniority in the Adventure and 02 groups

This is one of those things that’s likely to differ from the Japanese version even in dubs with scripts that are otherwise mostly close to the original, partially due to cultural differences in how this topic is approached, and partially due to the fact that nuances could still change simply due to the act of translating and recording with different voice actors and direction -- and even then, while a lot of it will still be conveyed if you watch in Japanese thanks to context and voice direction making it a bit more apparent, the nuances behind them can still be very cultural. (Even for other East Asian countries, despite the fact they have very similar seniority culture to Japan’s, there are still some differences worth noting, and likewise differences in their respective dubs.) In particularly extreme cases, this can even influence things like ship popularity or how certain characters are seen (such as the question of whether the 02 kids are well-behaved or not).

In particular, with the twelve kids in the Adventure and 02 group, since it’s a large number of kids spanning over a large age range, there is a lot going on in that complicated web of relationships that defines the many differences in how they treat each other, moreso than in other series with smaller casts. So let’s take a closer look!

Some things that are important to keep in mind in regards to seniority culture as we’re going to discuss it below:

Yes, one year in age really does make a difference. Or, at least, in this particular case, one school year (being a few months older or younger still matters, but not quite as much). The idea is that someone in a higher grade than you has done another level of schooling, and therefore is more “experienced” than you. So when the kids make a big deal about this, they’re not being pedantic, and this is why they also state their grade levels clearly in the first episodes of Adventure and 02, because they want to get on the table who’s older than whom, and therefore to set the tone for their relationships going forward.

“Politeness” is often conflated with “keeping distance and maintaining boundaries”, which means that two characters not being particularly close means they’re more likely to use respectful honorifics. It’s generally considered rude or at least very blunt to start dropping honorifics unless you’re particularly close with them (referred to as yobisute). This is also a big reason why a lot of ships that are popular in Western countries can be completely rarepair in Japanese (or even East Asian as a whole) parts of the fanbase, because their reactions are just way too distant to really read romantic chemistry out of -- not to say that it’s impossible per se, especially post-series as they get older and the age disparity means less in the long run, but the existing canonical distance and the “power imbalance” (so to speak) that the relevant kids started off with becomes an extra hurdle that needs to be taken into consideration. Conversely, some ships on the Japanese (or East Asian) end have taken off despite not really getting a huge following in the West, because it was conspicuous that the characters in question treated each other more on an equal level when they wouldn’t normally for others, but that nuance wouldn’t hit as hard elsewhere.

Communication is a two-way street! How two characters will treat each other will depend on their general personalities are, and one character might be more comfortable approaching another if said other person is very lenient about others approaching that way (which is important for characters like Taichi; see below). All in all, analyzing these requires keeping in mind each character’s background and all of the relevant factors into account, handling this on a case-by-case basis.

Okay, let’s move forward, oldest to youngest!

Jou

Jou being the oldest in both groups is a huge factor looming over his head in the way he treats the others throughout both Adventure and 02. As said before, one year makes a huge difference, and Jou’s really not just being pedantic -- you can see that as soon as they get back to Japan in Adventure episode 29, it’s even said outright that the kids are being allowed to be dropped off at Hikarigaoka because of Jou’s status as a sixth-grader who can take responsibility for them (yes, despite the fact there’s one year of a difference). Jou reiterates his status as the oldest because he takes his “responsibility” the most seriously -- even when they’re stranded in another world where Japanese standards of seniority culture don’t quite apply anymore. This means that every interaction Jou has with the others in the group carries a nuance that he sees the others in the sense of having them under his responsibility, and this looms over his head for the duration of both series.

Jou’s honorific pattern is interesting in that he drops them for the other boys in the Adventure group, but does not drop them for Sora and Mimi, not only because of the presumable negative implications associated with “an older boy being too blunt to younger girls”, but also because Sora and Mimi themselves are particularly polite towards him in return. On top of that, he continually opts to use “-kun” in a setting where others would use the slightly more casual and more diminuitve “-chan”, resulting in it coming off as him being very diplomatic and a bit distant towards them. (Jou only uses “-chan” with Hikari in Adventure episode 37, which is a bit more understandable since she’s an eight year old girl, and therefore a diminutive is more acceptable.) So in other words, Jou draws a clear, strong emotional boundary between himself and both of them. On the other hand, he’s casual enough to approach other boys in the Adventure group more bluntly (that the reboot’s version of Jou did not do this and used “-kun” on everyone regardless of gender was a bit of a shock for several Japanese fans used to the original version), although there seems to be enough of a distance between Jou and the 02 boys (including Takeru) in both age and closeness that he does use “-kun” for them.

One thing I’ve noticed is that Jou ships don’t tend to be particularly popular in the Japanese side of the fanbase, and while this is speculative on my part, I get the impression that it’s not because Jou is particularly disliked (in fact, it’s common for fans to endearingly call him “Jou-senpai” out of respect and adoration) as much as it’s because of the above factors -- for instance, although Jou/Mimi is popular in Western circles due to the series of events near the end of the series where he chooses to take care of her while she has her momentary breakdown, the fact that both of them are among the most adherent to their positions in the group’s seniority, plus the fact their interactions are largely very diplomatic, give off the sense that (at least at the time of Adventure) they’re too bound to their roles as senior and junior to really see each other on an equal level, and Jou does what he does for Mimi because he sees her as part of his responsibility as the group’s senior -- resulting in the ship being rarepair there to the point that might shock an average Western fan.

Interestingly, I may actually have seen more discussion of Jou/Yamato and Jou/(the girl with the bike from Diablomon Strikes Back) more often in that area than I have Jou with any of the other girls in Adventure, and my personal impression is that it’s because both of said options are less subject to the above baggage; Jou had a surprisingly emotionally frank conversation with Yamato in Adventure episode 23 that has the two come off more as equals (and Yamato has the factors of both not having initially seen Jou as much of an elder plus being someone who’s good at being responsible for himself, meaning Jou is justified in treating him this way), and someone outside the Adventure group like Bike Girl would presumably be able to get to know him without the above loaded baggage of having been a charge under Jou’s care at some point.

Taichi, Yamato, Sora

These three are basically the “middle children” of the Adventure group, and for the most part all three have more moderate relationships with the chain of command of sorts, although they have different ways of going about it.

Taichi doesn’t seem to have much care for the concept of group hierarchy in general, and the fact he treats everyone “as equals” was even mentally noted by Koushirou as a reason he took well to Taichi in particular. This means he’s quick to put people on yobisute basis -- even Jou, who’s older than him -- or use the diminutive “-chan” on characters like Mimi and Miyako. The implication is that he himself doesn’t have much respect for propriety, but he also invites everyone to be just as up-close-and-personal with him, which is why even someone like Koushirou, who’s hesitant to get close to anyone and instinctively keeps his distance, can feel more comfortable around him. (This is also presumably why Taichi ships tend to be so popular.) The reboot’s version of Taichi using “-senpai” on Jou gave a ton of Japanese fans whiplash, because Adventure’s Taichi would never.

Yamato seems to be just around as rough around the edges as Taichi, although it’s explicitly stated that his main reason for not using honorifics with Jou was that he mistook them for being in the same grade, implying that he would have if he’d realized this (and that, unfortunately, Jou had simply failed to earn his respect at first by really not coming off as a particularly respectable senior). For the most part, though, Yamato’s open to dropping the formalities if he’s comfortable around them, which is why he ends up using the diminutive “-chan” for younger girls, drops it with all the other boys (including Taichi), and apparently sees Sora as enough of an equal that he doesn’t even bother with honorifics with her right off the bat. He does briefly use “Ichijouji-kun” when discussing Ken with Iori in 02 episode 35, implying that he’ll use honorifics if there’s a certain amount of distance, but moves to “Ichijouji” in 02 episode 42 when they’ve gotten to know each other a bit better and Yamato can be more casual.

Sora, on the other hand, is much more diligent about her honorifics, using the “Jou-senpai” that her two peers won’t (therefore being more respectful about his position as elder), and being proper about her “-kun” and “-chan” for anyone younger. It does seem like she’ll drop it with people she knows particularly well, though; Taichi, whom she knew prior to the series, is on yobisute basis, and we also find in 02 episode 2 that her prior knowledge of Daisuke meant she was familiar enough with him to drop the honorific. Interestingly, Yamato -- whom she had presumably only met through the events of Adventure -- is on alternating basis between yobisute and “Yamato-kun” with her, which is the clearest expression of how she’s normally polite but will start phasing out of the honorific as she gets closer to them (which was confirmed as deliberate).

All in all, the impression is that the three of them place higher emphasis on how close they are to the other person than they do seniority and propriety, with Sora being the only one who’s more diligent about it.

Koushirou and Mimi

Sharing the spot of second lowest on the Adventure age hierarchy, Koushirou and Mimi merit special interest for two reasons: one, that these two are the most adherent to honorific propriety among the entire older group (neither of them use yobisute, ever), and two, that these are the two Adventure characters with the most noticeably drastic changes in the American English dub, to the point that this standout trait of both of their characters is completely absent there. In the Japanese version, both of them are polite to even some occasionally very strict levels, and also means both of them are very obviously conscious about their position in the hierarchy.

In the case of Koushirou, there’s strong emphasis on him “trying to maintain boundaries and distance” -- it’s said in Adventure episodes 38 and 54 that Koushirou does want to loosen up and get more casual with others, but compulsively can’t, and so the implication is that he’s too intimidated by others and too lacking in self-esteem to gather the courage to be more abrupt with people. Because of that, Koushirou adheres closely to the polite form of Japanese (you can spot this with the constant use of verb conjugations that end in “-masu”), and there’s a strong sense of strict formality and deferential respect in all of his words and actions towards others. This also manifests in times where he’s likely to be holding back his opinions because he doesn’t want to be rude. In other words, he’s shy -- and, indeed, the only person he seems to be willing to be more hands-on with with more assertive bluntness (or anything resembling it) is Taichi, who, as stated above, treated him in such a way Koushirou could be more comfortable around him. Koushirou also refrains from using “-chan”, presumably due to its diminutive and casual nature, and favors “-san” (Hikari and Mimi) or even the more diplomatic “-kun” (Miyako) instead. He’s somewhat more assertive with his juniors in 02, although he still carries himself with a bit of distant politeness.

Mimi, on the other hand, is more polite due to her upbringing, and it’s meant to portray her as having a bit of a “ladylike” personality -- in a sense, she was raised as a bit of a “spoiled princess”, so while she’s petulant about her feelings, she also treats others with consideration and politeness, and thus also has strong awareness of her position as one of the younger members of the group. (You can also see the others respond to her similarly; they’re basically treating her as the baby of the group in many ways.) There is a pretty noticeable difference in the way she treats Koushirou and the 02 kids compared to the way she treats her elders, as she very obviously holds back from stepping over boundaries with her elders (including Taichi/Yamato/Sora) and treats “Jou-senpai” with respect even when Taichi and Yamato didn’t. That said, unlike Koushirou, she does use “-chan” with Hikari and Miyako, mainly because she herself likes indulging in being cute and sweet and also acknowledging her cute little junior girls as such as well.

The fact these two are peers and the relevant nuances in that dynamic also play a huge factor as to why Koushirou/Mimi enjoys such humongous popularity in Asian fan spheres -- and why, conversely, the ship is considered a borderline crack ship in many Western arenas (especially ones heavily influenced by the American English dub, where their drastic personality changes from the Japanese version make it hard to imagine Izzy and Mimi would even give each other the time of day), to the point it often shocks a Western fan to hear that the ship is so knockout popular on the Asian side. The ship’s popularity is most likely heavily influenced by the fact Koushirou is the one Adventure group member Mimi is most obviously willing to be “hands-on” with, presumably due to his status as her peer (she won’t be likely to be too blunt with her elders, but she acts significantly more petulant around Koushirou in Adventure episode 10 and Diablomon Strikes Back). Thus, it’s easier to make a case for a ship dynamic revolving around Mimi being affectionate while Koushirou’s left at a loss for what to do due to his shyness and lack of self-esteem (or, alternatively, it just going over his head that she’s trying to get his attention because he’s too innocently dense to realize it). This is a dynamic that doesn’t work with their American English dub versions, as it’s very heavily dependent on the idea of the more bubbly Mimi reaching out to Koushirou in ways she would be unlikely to do for any of her elders.

On a related note, Taichi/Koushirou tends to enjoy slightly more popularity on the Asian end (again, especially due to the heavy changes made to Koushirou’s personality in the American English dub) due to Koushirou being obviously much closer to and more relaxed around Taichi in a way that’s very conspicuous, especially given how it compares to how he treats everyone else.

Koushirou and Mimi are also arguably portrayed as the ones who end up intimately closest to the younger ones in the 02 group, which is most likely heavily influenced by the fact they’re the ones closest to them in age.

The 02 group in general

I’m going to make a separate section here because I want to broadly touch on this before I go into specifics, but one nuance that’s easy to miss is that the 02 group is largely more deferential and respectful to elders than the Adventure group is. This might seem counterintuitive at first, due to the 02 group’s higher penchant for chaos, and especially on the part of Daisuke and Miyako -- but, in fact, they’re not willfully causing chaos even if they have rough-around-the-edges personalities, and they show almost absolute deference to their seniors’ advice and instructions, which you can tell by how they immediately soften up in their seniors’ presence, try not to incite dispute with them, and even use respectful language at times.

Overall, the 02 group is a lot more diligent about their honorifics on average (with Daisuke being the only recurring outlier). However, in practice, this is moreso due to them being more naturally well-behaved types than it is them being distant with each other -- they’re a lot emotionally closer to each other than the Adventure group was, and are thus significantly more hands-on with each other as a result. Four members (2/3) of the group are the same age, with one of the outliers (Miyako) explicitly having low awareness of her position as the oldest, and the other (Iori) holding enough of a mature demeanor that the others almost treat him as another peer, so the hierarchy is not really enforced much at all. Perhaps reflecting that, shipping within the 02 group tends to be significantly more variable and with a much larger variety of ships gaining a notable following; Daisuke, Ken, Miyako, Hikari, and Takeru all have at least three other people they’re shipped with in any consistent manner. (Iori is probably the only outlier due to his young age combined with his own personal enforcement of the hierarchy, making the relevant gap and distance too intrusive.)

The fact that the younger kids in the 02 group so obviously acknowledge the Adventure group as their elders and defer to them in such a way also contributes to why ships between a character from the older Adventure group and a character from the 02 group don’t tend to be too common on that end (and if they do show up, they usually involve Koushirou or Mimi due to the aforementioned proximity) -- not only did they have limited contact over the course of 02, the 02 kids also contribute to enforcing the power disparity (so to speak) on themselves.

The 02 quartet also noticeably uses “-senpai” for Yamato in Kizuna, and Daisuke’s up for using “-senpai” on Jou in Diablomon Strikes Back, despite the fact they don’t attend the same school at those times -- indicating that they do still afford their elders respect in terms of not only age but also experience.

Miyako

Miyako is the oldest of the 02 group, but unlike Jou before her, it seems she doesn’t have awareness of this to the point she even momentarily forgets this fact during 02 episode 7 (with her voice actress speculating that it’s because, as the youngest in her own family, Miyako’s not used to having responsibility for others). She’s also very on-and-off with her honorifics, and, like with Sora before her, it seems that she’s generally diligent about them but will drop them once she’s gotten to know someone closely enough, like recognizing Daisuke as a fellow disaster child right off the bat, or having known Iori prior to the start of the series. Otherwise, we never see her use yobisute with elders, and she uses proper “-kun” and “-chan” when she’s not up to being more in-your-face blunt with them.

Interestingly, while Miyako’s attitude of treating others without much awareness of whether they’re older or younger seems to encourage Daisuke to treat her back in kind, nobody else in the 02 group takes advantage of this, and they all use the “-san” honorific with her and seem to afford her a milder bit of extra respect as an elder -- although, unlike with the Adventure group, the line is much more blurred, presumably thanks to the 02 group having a much tighter dynamic in general. In other words, they properly consider her one of them and are willing to speak with her fairly frankly, but they also give her a bit more respect at the same time.

Miyako interestingly continues to use “-kun” for Ken throughout the later parts of the series, having originally started at the most distant level (”Ichijouji-kun”) but deliberately moving up to “Ken-kun” starting in 02 episode 25, implying that she was interested in having a closer friendship with him far earlier and more actively than Takeru/Hikari/Iori (who stay on “Ichijouji-kun” terms with him until the very end and presumably end up too habituated into it), but had concerns about being too blunt and up-front with him when he was in such a delicate position.

Takeru, Hikari, Daisuke, Ken

Takeru and Hikari both acted fairly deferential in Adventure, and at the time it was easily chalked up to them both being the youngest in the Adventure group by a long shot without much bargaining power in a group of elders, but once 02 comes around, it turns out they’re both fairly diligent about propriety in general, with neither of them ever using yobisute (although they’re closer to Mimi’s level in that they still use casual language, and Takeru is casual enough to use “-chan” for Hikari). That means that, yes, they’ll still use the respectful “-kun” on Daisuke despite him being the type who’s not into honorifics for anyone in the 02 group.

Daisuke really isn’t into the honorific thing when it comes to close friends, with him going for yobisute on every single member of the 02 group, including Miyako, who’s a year older than him (but she’s fine with that, considering she tells Daisuke it feels weird if he tries attaching an honorific to her name in 02 episode 30), the sole exception being “Hikari-chan” (because in this case he’s going more for the casual and endearing nuance of “-chan”). However, he is very diligent about using his “-san” and “-senpai” with all of his elders in the Adventure group, meaning his eschewing of it with Miyako is simply because he vibes with her too closely to keep her at arm’s length, and his dropping of honorifics with the rest of the 02 group isn’t because he doesn’t respect them but rather because he’s close with them, wants to stay close with them, and isn’t into formalities when trying to make friends. Daisuke also doesn’t bother with the “Ichijouji-kun” stage in talking to Ken, handling him more bluntly by starting at “Ichijouji” before eventually moving up to the more straightforward “Ken”.

Ken’s case is most interesting; he starts off diligent about his honorifics, and while he has a slightly more blunt way of talking than Takeru does on average, he also doesn’t use “-chan” with Hikari, presumably because the bad note the group started off on with him meant that he’d be overstepping his boundaries if he used such a diminutive, “cute” honorific with her at such a stage, and thus moves to the more respectful “Hikari-san”. Otherwise, he’s diligent about his “-san”/”-senpai”/”-kun”, including with the one-year-older Miyako. The only one he drops honorifics with over the course of 02 is Daisuke, who starts off by approaching him most abruptly, and so Ken starts off on “Motomiya” basis (no honorific) before eventually moving into “Daisuke” after 02, because they’re best friends and they really don’t need to have much distance at all between them anyway -- but otherwise, he strikes an interesting balance of ostensibly being more casual than Takeru yet also being conscious of respect and boundaries in terms of group hierarchy.

Iori

Iori is the youngest of the entire group of twelve, and on top of his position mandating that he treat everyone else as elders, Iori himself comes from a very formally-bound family that instilled strict manners into him, meaning that, much like Koushirou, he speaks using formal, polite language at almost all times. Unlike Koushirou, however, there’s a different nuance in why he acts the way he does; he’s doing this out of adherence to manners in trying to be a disciplined person, meaning he’s very strict with himself. (Koushirou compulsively could not get himself to speak casually, but Iori “slips” and starts speaking casually whenever he starts getting emotionally compromised.) So in other words, Iori does have self-esteem and a sense of assertiveness, but he’ll assert his opinion in the sense of “politely submitting his strongly worded opinion to the higher-ups” and, in the end, always defers to what the older kids in the group decide even if he’s firmly stated an opinion of disagreement. Even when the question of Ken joining the group becomes an issue, Iori obviously resents him, but he still adheres to honorific propriety and calls him “Ichijouji-san”, keeping his distance and making his negative opinion known but still adhering to Ken’s position as his elder.

Iori is very obviously consciously aware of his position as the youngest, and while he doesn’t resent it per se, he has somewhat of a resistance to not being allowed to pull his own weight as a peer (to the point where he protests being given everyone’s pity for it in 02 episode 16). All things considered, Iori formalizes his own position as younger than the others more than the others particularly baby him; Miyako practically treats him at eye level despite being a whole three years older than him, and even Takeru (who most obviously recognizes Iori’s need for guidance as a child) doesn’t talk down to him but rather simply adds a bit more gentleness when handling him and “bending down to speak to him at his level” to help him along.

So in other words, Iori has a strong sense of deference to his seniors in following their lead, and has strong consciousness of his position as the youngest and the other five as elders...but they in turn almost entirely afford him respect as a peer, only quietly acknowledging him as younger when it’s obvious they need to take responsibility for the fact he ultimately is younger than them whether any of them like it or not (note that nobody in the group ever refers to him as being the youngest in words, and nobody actually confirms his suspicions in 02 episode 16 that they were taking pity on him for his age). Notably, by the time of Kizuna’s drama CD, no real comment is made about the fact they’re a bunch of university-aged folks going to pick up a high school student -- just the fact their positions mean Iori will be the busiest of all of them.

[toastandjamie]

I have- so many feelings. I’ve been trying to write an analysis since last night but everything I wrote is incomprehensible so this is an attempt: advanced apologies. Originally I wanted to make a post about C!Quackity and C!Tommy’s relationship but then it got me thinking of talking about what makes Tommy so vulnerable to manipulation even incidentally which brought me to Wilbur and Techno. So I’ve decided to just make a mishmash comparing Tommy’s relationships to these three complicated people.

Starting with Quackity I think we can all agree, Quackity GETS Tommy. In a way others on the server(like Fundy or Foolish) just straight up don’t. Quackity treats Tommy a lot like he treats Slime, with this understanding that Tommy isn’t like everyone else and won’t respond to things like others would. Because Tommy in spite of everything really does act like a kid. He acts out because of boredom or frustration especially when he’s ignored. Often others get frustrated when dealing with Tommy, but Quackity has this odd level of patience different from say Sam, Puffy or even Foolish in that he puts himself at Tommy’s level. At the start I think this was just a genuine attempt at having fun with our chaos raccoon but at the moment it’s almost patronizing(a reoccurring theme). Quackity understands that pushing Tommy will only result in property damage, but he also knows that he can’t let him run around unsupervised(because property damage). When Quackity is unaware that Tommy is listening he sounds more than a little frustrated at his antics, but then Tommy throws on a pair of pants claiming to be called Trousers and insists that he is not in fact Tommyinnit. Quackity plays along, he doesn’t try and force Tommy to stop, he humors him. This is something Quackity does a lot with Tommy, and it’s why Tommy still seems to have positive feelings towards him. Quackity humors him the way adults will humor a child who’s insisting that they are a wizard. Through this lense(which I think Quackity is fully aware of) he’s able to get Tommy into a less aggressive state and get information out him. Like why he’s working with Wilbur, and Tommy’s feelings about it. Which also unfortunately makes him super easy to use. I think in the future as Quackity slowly succumbs to the inevitable power hungry corruption that’ll bury whatever soft spot he has for Tommy, we’ll see Quackity take advantage of Tommy’s blatant abandonment issues using the trust he’s built through these small appeasement based interactions.

Moving on; C!Wilbur Soot! This is a land mine let me tell you. Because Listen, Wilbur is obviously, severely traumatized and mentally ill. I don’t think Wilbur necessarily has any malicious intentions towards Tommy. But unfortunately this bad boy is backing a fuck load of unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors. Such as his possessive streak! We saw with L’manburg the whole “if I can’t have you no one can!” Mentality, which has now been transferred to Tommy. It’s a move to assert his control over a situation and unfortunately for Tommy he’s a prime vessel for this behavior because he has absolutely no concept of healthy boundaries! Since his backstory and relationships are a bit blurry we can’t make any definitive explanation for where this came from but for the sake of argument let’s say Tommy has known Wilbur since he was young, and Wilbur was always someone with a possessive personality(albeit less obvious due to the fact that he wasn’t traumatized yet). Being raised by or around someone who never sets boundaries with you can lead to a person growing up not able to do so themselves. And wouldn’t you know it Tommy has clearly never had a stable healthy relationship because all of them have been transactional or codependent. Which is, bad.(shout out to Tubbo and Ranboo though for trying to enforce healthy boundaries sadly though the timing of this separation couldn’t have been worse). Currently I think it’s safe to say Wilbur and Tommy have a codependent relationship. One with a very clear imbalance of power, comparable to a codependent parent-child relationship. In which Tommy excuses Wilbur’s bad behaviors out of a sense of responsibility, this feeling that because they’re “family” he owes it to Wilbur to stay by his side. Not to mention how Tommy obviously craves guidance and leadership from paternal/fraternal figures, which he originally found in Wilbur(later in Dream, Techno and Sam afterwards). Tommy very clearly desires a family structure in which he is loved and protected no matter what, and Wilbur fills that role easily and willingly. Wilbur wants someone who’ll be loyal to him and will never leave or betray him, and Tommy wants someone who’ll protect and care for and, say it with me boys, will never leave or betray him. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting someone to be there for you, but because of their complexes and traumas these feelings of fraternal affection are twisted into a relationship lacking boundaries and for Tommy, complete absence of autonomy. Only doing things because Wilbur wants him to me, because he wants Wilbur to be happy and Wilbur is never wrong. Not a good mindset to have when dealing with someone like Wilbur who is destructive as a means of coping.

Lastly another landmine, in the form of Technoblade! Ah yes, bedrock bros. We love them and miss them. But newsflash guys they ALSO had an unhealthy transactional relationship! But here’s the thing about unhealthy relationships, sometimes people are just not good for eachother. There’s no bad guy or good guy. No ones in the right or wrong. They just, weren’t good for eachother. Now whether this was situational or not can only be answered if they reconnect with healthier mindsets but for now we’ll say it’s situational. Obviously, Tommy was clearly in a bad place. Just barely managing to escape exile after a narrowly thwarted suicide attempt: now packing a whole slew of issues, from paranoia, depression, fear of abandonment, low self worth, and just general debilitating stress. Techno was ALSO in a bad place, he just hides it under a sense of self righteous justice: like guys, his only friend was put under house arrest because of him associating with him, and he was then executed under the threat of death of his faithful horse companion. Techno was angry and blinded by revenge. A bad mix when you toss in a traumatized codependent teenager desperately searching for someone to fill the empty void of fraternal leadership left by Wilbur’s death. Tommy really just wants someone to tell him what to do, like let’s not kid ourselves here. Techno offered Tommy protection from Dream, which yay! But also creates an unbalanced power dynamic(bringing that one back!). I genuinely believe that it wasn’t Techno’s intention, but the thing is, the relationship became transactional: a “I’ll protect you and take care of you if you do what I say and help me.” Type scenario. It was impossible for Tommy to really comfortably say no, at risk of being tossed out of straight up given to Dream to face whatever horrible consequences running away had. BESIDES that, they are just two very different people who had very different priorities. Techno wanted vengeance against L’manburg, Tommy wanted to be protected but always had the intention of returning to L’manburg one day(clearly believing getting the discs would be a catch all problem solver). These two priorities are in direct conflict with eachother; as a result they’re partnership would never have worked in the long term. Here’s the kicker to what makes this relationship so unhealthy though, because those things in isolation don’t make an unhealthy relationship but the fact that Tommy’s poor mental state fueled by Techno’s blood seeking revenge made him act in ways HE deemed wrong, makes it unhealthy. Tommy wasn’t lying, being with Techno made him become a person he didn’t want to be, and it’s NOT Techno’s fault. It was the unfortunate consequence of their opposing view points and unhealthy mental states. Perhaps in a world where the Butcher Army never existed the Bedrock Bro’s team up could have been a moment of healing for both characters; but alas that was not the world we are privy to in canon.

Yeah so that’s it for now I guess

[lesbiannoyed]

Common experiences of lesbians who don’t know they’re lesbians yet, AMAB edition

There’s an excellent post from @thatdiabolicalfeminist on common experiences of lesbians making the rounds, and I’ve tried to come up with a starting point for AMAB lesbians as well. Thanks to @androxibot​ for the idea for this and the encouragement! 

There’s obviously a fair amount of overlap, plus some things in the original which already were particular to AMAB lesbians, so I’ve kept those in.

This is definitely only a starting point -- I’ve included my own experiences as well as ones that I know I’ve talked with other folks about, but that’s obviously a quite limited set. So feel free to add your own!

I’ve also divided this up into pre- and post- transition sections, because that’s what made the most sense to me. Please don’t take this as any judgement of the validity of people who cannot or choose not to transition.

Last bit of preamble -- please note that I’m an olds and a rather late transitioner. Some of my experiences are influenced by being born in 1971, and growing up in a conservative Catholic military household. I didn’t know about gay men and lesbians until I was a teenager. I didn’t even hear about being transgender as a “thing” other than as a gross joke (thank you Ace Ventura) until sometime in my 20s, but I resolved to be “normal” instead. My mom was severely depressed in an era where there were poor treatment options, and my dad was home usually one weekend a month or so. So, for most of my childhood, I was effectively un-parented. Overall, this means I’m probably weird and my experiences may not be relevant to yours!

Pre-transition

Knowing you’re gay, but experiencing a lot of the symptoms of comp het when you try to interact with men romantically/sexually, and only later realizing you’re a trans lesbian and not a gay man

Dating gay men because that’s who “real” women date men and while maybe these are gay or bi men, at least you’re dating men.

With men, being really inexplicably emotionally upset with receiving anal sex and not super interested in giving oral, although you try. Avoiding receiving oral.

Deciding which guys to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to – based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities

Choosing to be attracted to a guy at all, not just choosing to act on it but flipping your attraction on like a switch

Picking a guy at random to be attracted to

Only/mostly being into guys who are gnc in some way

Using sex with men as a form of self-harm

Reading a lot of hetero romance, or urban fantasy or similar genre, putting yourself in the place of the woman and trying like hell to internalize her feelings about her lovers. (this can be post-transition too)

Settling on identifying as bi or pan because you can’t give up on your attraction to women even though you know you “should” like men.

Knowing you’re attracted to women, but feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable trying to interact with them as a straight man, and only later realizing you’re actually a trans lesbian

With women, trying to avoid PIV as much as possible, as well as avoiding receiving oral sex. Basically, trying to just give oral sex only for anything beyond making out.

Learning how to fake an orgasm when you do feel unavoidably obligated to perform PIV.

Not realizing you can set boundaries around what kind of sex you are willing to have.

Being utterly fascinated by any lesbians you know/see in media and thinking they’re all ultra cool people

Fantasizing about how much fun it would be to be a lesbian and just be with women/a specific woman, but thinking that can’t be for you

Having your favourite character in every show be that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman (like Shego from Kim Possible or Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica)

Post-transition

“Now that I’m on HRT I expect my attraction to men to really spark. It didn’t work with gay men for obvious reasons, but now that straight men will perceive me correctly as a woman, it will take off”

“My attraction to women will drop off now that I don’t have to perform male socialization”

Flirting with unattainable men (online with men who live in distant cities, etc).

Feeling really flattered when men buy you a drink or flirt with you, but never following through with them.

Being repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that”

Only having online relationships with guys; preferring not to look at the guys you’re interacting with online; choosing not to meet up with a guy even if you seem very into him and he reciprocates and meeting up is totally realistic

Using sex with men as a form of self-harm

Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted

OR: preferring to ‘be a tease’ to feel wanted but feeling like following through is a chore

Only being comfortable with sex with men if there’s an extreme power imbalance and your desires aren’t centered, and/or when they are fetishizing you.

Feeling numb or dissociating or crying during/after sex with men (even if you don’t understand that reaction and think you’re fine and crying etc for no reason)

Never/rarely having sexual fantasies about specific men, preferring to leave them as undetailed as possible or not thinking about men at all while fantasizing

Having to make a concerted effort to fantasize about the guy you’re “attracted” to

Not being able to distinguish between wanting to embody the qualities you see in a particular woman and being attracted to her.

Being unusually competitive, shy, or eager to impress specific women when you’re not that way with anyone else

Having had strong and abiding feelings of admiration for a specific female teacher, actor, etc., growing up that were deep and reverent

Being utterly fascinated by any lesbians you know/see in media and thinking they’re all ultra cool people but now with the addition of being terrified of socializing in lesbian spaces because you’ve heard about TERFs and how all cis lesbians hate trans women.

Thinking you couldn’t be a lesbian because you’re not attractive enough, cool enough, or otherwise in the same league as most of the women you know

Being dysphoric about the parts of you that make straight men think your body is owed to them, having to figure out what that dysphoria means for/to you, especially if the way those parts of your body have changed due to transition has mitigated an entirely different form of dysphoria for you.

Worrying that some of your past attraction to men was actually real so you can’t be a lesbian

Worrying that you only want to be a lesbian because of trauma and that means your lesbianness would be Fake

Worrying that trauma-induced complications in how you experience sex (e.g., a habit of self-harming via sex w men or a fear of any sex at all) mean you’re not a Real Lesbian

Worrying that being attracted to women means you’re really a straight man and not a real trans woman, this is the big one.

[ucalgarycase]

In each other's eyes, and then they kiss, there is technically no express consent, but it feels weird to me that it could be considered sexual assault. And similarly, if in a couple that usually has sex, after idk some heavy kissing or something that similarly sets a mood, one of the two touches the other in a sexual way, but without express consent, it still feels weird to me that that could be called rape. Do you think the last 2 cases would constitute sexual assault? And if so, why? 2/2

Consent does not necessarily need to be completely verbal. There are people who are incapable of giving verbal consent because of differences in ability (some people cannot verbalize or struggle to articulate verbally for multiple reasons or they are physically unable to speak, but that alone does not make them incapable of giving consent). However, both verbal and non-verbal consent does need to be:- Voluntary (not at all coerced or pressured, with no risk if consequences for refusing to give consent. It also cannot be achieved when there us an imbalance of power at play. [i.e. between a teacher and student, a boss and a subordinate/employee, etc.)- Ongoing (this may mean slowing down and regularly checking in with the person to make sure they are still comfortable, and/or reassuring them that you can stop or slow down if they would like.)- Revocable (at any time someone can choose to stop the activity and will have their wishes respected without being made to feel guilty, being pressured to keep going, etc.)- Enthusiastic (the other person is fully participating and giving clear physical indications that they are okay with what is happening. If you want to be completely sure that you are reading their physical queues right it is always okay to ask before continuing.)- Sober (when someone is unable to make clear, rational decisions due to the influence of drugs or alcohol, or is incapable of giving consent because they are incapacitated they cannot give consent.)- Informed (every person must know what is going to happen in advance, including whether contraceptives/barriers will be used, what they will be engaging in before moving on to a new activity, and what kind of encounter it is [i.e. all parties should know if it is a casual hookup or the beginning of a relationship, etc.])- Not assumed (no matter what your relationship status is, how long you have been together, whether you have been intimate before, whether you have engaged in other intimate activities, etc., consent must always be obtained and you cannot assume that you have it by default. This doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out process if you are say, in the middle of being intimate and want to move on to another activity or to escalate the level of intimacy. You can do something as simple as pulling back briefly and saying something like "is this okay?" or "I would really like to kiss/touch you right now. Would you like that?" Or if, for example, you would like to kiss someone, non-verbally you could make eye contact, and slowly lean in, but wait for them to close the final distance themselves.)Consent is not complicated of one is actually invested in ensuring that everyone involved in an encounter is comfortable and happy to be participating. Just make sure that you are regularly checking to make sure that your partner is actively engaging with you and is not withdrawn, nervous, tense, or passive. If there is any ambiguity in their body language or you are unsure if they are comfortable, then just check in. It is always better to check in than to proceed without being completely sure that everyone is feeling good about what is happening, but if consent is really in place it should be clear, and not ambiguous.When someone says that "they thought they had consent, but it turns they didn't." it is not because the situation was ambiguous. It is because good consent practices weren't followed. Someone's body language was ignored, or they were coerced, or someone chose to disregard another person's boundaries. Sexual assault doesn't happen by accident. It happens when someone chooses not to ensure that consent is in place before initiating contact with another person.As long as you are communicative, work to establish enthusiastic consent, and are open to being turned down, then you should be able to establish relationships and engage in intimacy knowing your partner(s) are also glad to be there.

[essenceoffilm]

The Bodily Discontinuity of Reality in Makavejev’s Love Affair

Fifty years ago, in the prominent year of 1967, some French directors were declaring the end of cinema, while others were just getting started. In the Eastern part of Europe, where cinema had begun to find new freedom during the cultural thaw in the late 50′s, directors were not as keen on making apocalyptic declarations regarding their artistic trade because the tide of the new wave was arriving there later. The Yugoslavian cult director, Dusan Makavejev is no exception. After making a great number of short documentaries from the mid-50′s to the early 60′s, Makavejev made his feature debut, Man Is Not a Bird (1965, Covek nije tica) when the new wave was already slowing down in France. Primarily, the film opened the door to Makavejev’s best film two years later, Love Affair, or the Case of the Missing Switchboard Operator (1967, Ljubavni slucaj ili tragedija sluzbenice P.T.T.). Made nearly a decade after the monumental breakthroughs of the new wave in France, Makavejev’s magnum opus still radiates the fresh cinematic thought characteristic of those films filled with both young playfulness and artistic rigor. Despite being late bloomers of the wave, Makavejev’s Love Affair does not really fall into the category with Eric Rohmer’s belated The Collector (1967, La collectionneuse), though they share an intriguing affinity. Rohmer’s treatise on sexuality and the human body is characterized by tranquility and aesthetic serenity, whereas such features are replaced by a ferocious yet ironic analysis of man’s bodily being in Makavejev’s satire. 

Love Affair is both a typical film for its time and an untypical film of timeless nature. Makavejev’s peculiar narrative basically carries two story lines side by side which coalesce in the end. In the first, a girl, working as a switchboard operator, named Izabel falls in love with Ahmed, a boy working at the sanitation department. In the second, the police find Izabel’s corpse in a cesspool and take it to the morgue. In addition to these diegetic lines of the two-fold story, there are separate levels of discourse. Most notably, there is a sex researcher talking directly to the camera about sex. He kicks the film off by asking the audience whether they are really interested in sex, knowing the predictably positive answer himself, of course, and adding that he too is interested in sex, though obviously as a mere object of research. The presence of a scientist presenting data to comment on the diegetic events anticipates the more well-known use of such narrative methodology in prominent French New Wave auteur, Alain Resnais’ My American Uncle (1980, Mon oncle d’Amérique). Makavejev does not, however, distinguish the scientist’s commentary into as a clearly separated level of discourse from the diegetic events as Resnais does which is why the scientist’s relation to the rest of the film remains more implicit. For one, Makavejev’s scientist does not directly comment on the characters and their behavior, whereas Resnais’ precisely explains what is witnessed on the screen. As a result, Makavejev’s approach feels more essayistic, more “new-wavy,” and less clearly delineated. In fact, it seems that the other additional modes of discourse in Love Affair join this level of discourse where the sex researcher belongs to: these include erotic images and a silent Yugoslavian porno called “Adam and Eve.” There is also a brief passage of prose as an inter-text which directly comments on the diegetic events in the characters’ life, seemingly separate from both levels of discourse: the diegetic world and the sex researcher’s world. 

This short sketch should give an impression of the aesthetic principle that dominates Makavejev’s cinematic style. It is the principle of irregularity and imbalance. Mainly due to a major influence from Godard, montage became a dominant feature in new wave cinema. It meant a wish of the new filmmakers to distance themselves from what has been called “quality cinema” and to emphasize the cinematic (or, to some, “artificial”) nature of their work. They wanted to make films which were films -- not visual illustrations of novels or plays. Makavejev essentially continues Godard’s cinematic thinking in cutting between different levels of discourse, constantly interrupting the narrative flow, and using sound (and music) as counterpoint to the image. In line with aesthetic irregularity, Makavejev combines static shots with free handheld camerawork, and his mise-en-scène has a naturalist sensuality to it. 

In terms of content rather than form, Makavejev’s Love Affair also shares an affinity with the basics of the new wave. First, there is the theme of young love. Although the spectator knows that it will end in tragedy (and finds that it ends in even deeper tragedy), it has the freshness, the sensuality, and the eccentric seriousness of the lovers’ complicated relationships created by Godard, Truffaut, and Resnais. Second, there is the theme of freedom which is -- as one might expect -- dealt with both individually and socially. To many, one might assume, Love Affair is a feminist film about the liberation of women or a political film about the budding liberation of the individual in the socialist regime but it is also (par Godard et al) an existentialist film. This brings us to yet another new wave theme, that is, the existentialist theme of being. While crafting a multi-layered story in the socialist system, Makavejev focuses on the individual and their private being, their bodily being toward death. 

All of the film’s three levels (that is, the criminal investigation of the missing switchboard operator, the more or less educational comments by the sex researcher, and the love story of Izabel and Ahmed) concern the human body. The perspective of the first is objective and its object of research is what the German phenomenologists of the 20th century called Körper, the physical body. The perspective of the second is also objective but its object of research is not only Körper but also what those thinkers called Leib, or the lived body as distinguished by the French (le corps véçu). Both Körper and Leib are studied from the frame of sexuality. The perspective of the third, however, is subjective or, dare I say, phenomenological, and its object of research is purely Leib. It takes bodily being in its entirety. Makavejev, like phenomenological thinkers such as Martin Heidegger and Maurice Merleau-Ponty, one might continue, never makes a three-fold distinction like this. In Makavejev’s multi-layered vision, these perspectives coalesce and the lines between them become obfuscated. When Ahmed describes Izabel’s skin as silky while lying in bed, Makavejev makes a straight cut to the morgue where the same skin is being categorized by less sentimental terms. There is a transition from the third perspective to the first, which is indeed merely a change in perspective, but Makavejev’s cut seems to emphasize the phenomenological vagueness underlying the distinction between Körper and Leib; the latter seems to always entail the former. That is to say, in life, one always seems to be dying. 

In fact, the most famous shot of Makavejev’s Love Affair, that being the full shot of the nude Izabel lying on bed while a black cat has curled up on her thighs right by her bottom, encapsulates this vagueness. Arguably, the shot calls for symbolic interpretations, but Makavejev might be doing something else rather than triggering the neural areas in the spectator’s brain hard-wired for psychoanalytic-feminist interpretations. He might be drawing our attention to the limitations in the first and the second perspectives: we are brought before inexplicable images. If this is not the purpose of cinema, I do not know what is. From this iconic shot, Makavejev cuts to a close-up of Izabel’s buttocks making them appear as twin peaks from which Makavejev further cuts to a brief montage sequence of Izabel baking, an innocent act which starts to look disturbingly (though also intriguingly) erotic. Given that these shots are preceded by the scene at Ahmed’s narrow apartment where there is not enough space and where Ahmed orders the nude Izabel to put some clothes on, Izabel’s nudity and her fiery baking inevitably manifest as expressions of freedom. The iconic shot itself, however, despite this contextualization, appears as utterly inexplicable, as an image of a mundane moment of bodily being. In it, one might observe the female body as a mere Körper, a physical body in a renaissance painting, but, due to the power of cinema, enhancing the power of human presence, one is almost coerced into observing the body as a complex, consisting of both Körper and Leib. 

The vagueness in bodily being is articulated cinematically by combining separate levels of discourse and cutting unexpectedly between them. This, in turn, seems to bring the vagueness in bodily being into the structure of reality. Reality becomes vague as well. It, like the body, manifests as discontinuous. There is no continuous linkage from the first perspective to the second and third; rather they form a bundle of discourses which both struggle and support. The reality which Makavejev’s film discloses is discontinuous and ambiguous, a reality where there are no clear boundaries -- just like in the films of Godard. 

Makavejev’s cinematic thought is, in fact, very close to Godard who always emphasized his connections not only to Merleau-Ponty but to Hegel as well. At its heart, Makavejev’s dialectical thought never excludes opposites but considers them as mutually belonging and enriching. The spectator cannot help but notice this in the film’s tone, effortlessly varying between the tragic and the comic, the satirical and the elegiac, the romantic and the grotesque, the documentary and the playful. At the core of it all, there seems to lie the human heart which remains inexplicable, a mystery. The film’s title has two parts: there is the “love affair” and “the case of the missing switchboard operator.” Both perspectives are there. Both Körper and Leib are in play. When Makavejev makes us listen to apparently non-diegetic German propaganda music chanting “heart, renovate,” we become more and more convinced that historicist projects of creating a new man cannot work. There are affairs which just belong to the heart. 

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Paper代写：Ideological factors in international relations

本篇paper代写- Ideological factors in international relations讨论了国际关系中的意识形态因素。意识形态不仅在一个国家的国内政治生活中发挥着重要作用，而且通常与国家利益交织，影响一国的对外决策，从而牵动国际关系的发展演变。在国际关系领域，意识形态现象更多的是指国际关系各行为主体基于自身在国际社会中的地位而产生的对国际关系格局以及对世界政治、经济秩序的看法，反映了特定国家和组织在国际社会里的利益诉求和行为方式。意识形态既是国家利益的组成部分，也是一个国家实现其利益目标的重要手段。本篇paper代写由51due代写平台整理，供大家参考阅读。

As an integral part of the superstructure, ideology not only plays an important role in a country's domestic political life, but also usually intertwined with national interests, affecting a country's foreign decision-making, thus affecting the development and evolution of international relations. Since the end of the cold war, due to the unprecedented strengthening of the contacts and exchanges between countries in the context of globalization, various interest relations have become more complex, and the infiltration and influence of ideology on international relations have been gradually amplified, showing some new characteristics.

The basic connotation of ideology. Ideology in the modern sense comes into being with the emergence of class. As the core component of the superstructure, it reflects the systematic ideas and views of a particular class or group on the world and society. It represents the interests of that class or group, which in turn guides its actions. The dominant ideology in a country not only affects people's ideas, beliefs, values, world views, moral systems and cultural traditions, but also plays a key role in the country's political and economic system selection.

In the field of international relations, ideological phenomenon refers to the views of actors in international relations on the pattern of international relations and world political and economic order based on their status in the international community, reflecting the interest demands and behavior patterns of specific countries and organizations in the international community. Ideology is not only a part of national interests, but also an important means for a country to achieve its interests. A country's ideological appeal constitutes one of the core elements of its "soft power". Ideology and national interests are intertwined, interaction, and widely permeates the political, economic, cultural, and social all aspects of life, its extension includes political civilization, development mode, values and world order such as the content, influence decision makers of basic national interests and the determination of foreign policy and the choice of their own behavior, thus a long-term and profound impact on international relations.

The influence of ideology on international relations. Ideology influences international relations from many aspects. First, ideology constitutes the diplomatic philosophy of most countries. The fundamental starting point of a country's foreign policy is its national interests, and the selection and judgment of national interests are based on certain ethical and moral basis. Ideology provides a framework for a country to observe and analyze the world, and determines the tone of a country's foreign policy. Secondly, ideology is an important means for countries to achieve their foreign policy goals. At home, ideology can be used as a tool to mobilize and win public support, while at abroad, it can restrain opponents and unite Allies to the maximum extent, and play a role beyond political, economic and cultural struggles. Ideology can also disguise the real interests of the country. Some countries often cover their international activities with the cloak of ideology to seize the commanding height of morality, and cover the real interest demands with the idealism of ideology. Third, ideology as a realistic force affects the historical process of the world. Ideology influences the formulation of rules norms and mechanisms of international system and multilateral mechanism theoretically and ideologically. Countries in the world, especially major countries, have put forward their propositions on international order and solutions to various global problems. If a country's ideology can be widely spread in the world, it will have greater influence on the history of the world and have more influence on the shaping of the international system. It can be said that ideology can not only be the goal of a country's foreign policy and promote its ideology through foreign activities, but also be a tool for a country to achieve its interests. Ideological factors are a "double-edged sword" in international relations, which can tighten the relationship with Allies and exclude dissenters, giving foreign policies more "moral power". However, "ideological supremacy" often harms national interests and the development of national relations.

The struggle in the international ideological field during the cold war was embodied in two systems and two camps. After the end of world war ii, due to differences in ideology and social system, both the United States and the Soviet union believed that the other side posed a huge structural threat to them, and the world saw the emergence of the socialist camp headed by the Soviet union and the capitalist camp headed by the United States. While attacking and denying each other's social system and way of life, both camps try their best to promote their own social system and values. Throughout the cold war, the United States and the Soviet union linked the choice of ideology with the realization of the maximization of national interests. Both sides emphasized the opposition of ideology and values between countries, and promoted it to a contest of incompatible social systems. Ideological struggle is not only the main cause of the outbreak of the cold war, but also the main line of its development. The long-term ideological struggle and infiltration of the capitalist camp finally induced the instability within the socialist camp, which was an important reason for the eastern European upheaval and the disintegration of the Soviet union.

The struggle in the field of international ideology in the post-cold war period was "played down". After the late 1980s and early 1990s, the call for non-ideological relations between countries began to emerge. Some scholars believe that the "global consciousness" brought by globalization will transcend the ideological boundary, and the ideological struggle will come to an end with the rapid development of economy, science and technology. Western scholars, represented by fukuyama, put forward the "final conclusion of ideology", holding that the ideological struggle has ended with the "victory" of capitalism, and "liberal democracy" has become the only object of political aspiration. Huntington et al. put forward the "civilization conflict theory", holding that after the cold war, the conflict of civilizations will replace the conflict of ideology and other forms, and become the most important conflict affecting global politics in the future. "Ideology in the end, however, ignored the world economy, science and technology development imbalance caused by the political and cultural differences, also ignore the different ideology and the inheritance of national culture and reaction, it was fired, is actually to reject non-western ideology, deny the diversity of world civilization.

After entering the new century, the international consciousness field presents the pattern of "multiple coexistence under one system". At present, with the deepening development of globalization, the consciousness of global village and the consciousness of cooperation are constantly strengthened, and the state of mutual confrontation and isolation between the two camps during the cold war has been fundamentally changed. The international ideological struggle has changed from the holistic confrontation between the "two parallel systems" to the long-term competitive coexistence within the world system. The subjects and ways of struggle have become increasingly diversified and diversified. Inside is no longer a monolithic western capitalist countries, the us and Europe in development mode, the concept of international order, inside and outside policy differences also exist in many aspects, such as competition, even the socialist countries and developing countries are on the way of exploration suited to its national conditions, adhere to the development of different ideas, values and culture, international ideology more rich and colorful. At the same time, the international ideological struggle has not disappeared, and the ideological color in the foreign policy of western countries has not weakened. Ideology is still the basis of some countries' alliances and a tool to exclude dissenters. Its influence in international relations has shifted to a deeper level and it still has important influence.

Different ideologies coexist with rivalry and harmony. Current ideology has become increasingly diverse, each has its own characteristics, secretly rivalry, competition, even conflict with each other, but because under the international big background of the development of globalization, competition between various ideological struggle also communicate with each other and influence each other and learn from each other, is no longer a simple relationship between the friend or enemy, present a complicated multiple interactions. While adhering to their own characteristics, various ideologies are increasingly showing some global commonalities. They not only confront, oppose and struggle with each other, but also infiltrate, absorb and learn from each other, becoming a unique landscape in the international ideological field in the new century.

Ideological competition is becoming increasingly complicated and prolonged. International cooperation and exchanges promoted by globalization have not and cannot eliminate ideological differences and antagonisms. Differences in political systems, economic models and cultures among countries make ideology more diversified. All kinds of ideologies interlace each other to a certain extent, which makes the international ideological pattern present an unprecedented complexity in history. The strong western ideology has never given up its infiltration and influence on non-western ideology, and the competition and competition between different social systems and development models will not stop, and will exist for a long time and develop in multiple fields and deep levels.

Ideological expansion of the main body is more diverse, the way is also more hidden. In addition to some traditional ideological disseminators such as governments and political parties, in recent years, transnational corporations, international non-governmental organizations and news media have been more active than ever in international relations. On the surface, these actors have little relationship with ideology, but in fact they play an important role in the field of ideology. In the process of division of labor, production, trading, service and management, multinational companies spread the ideology of the country of origin to the vast number of employees and related personnel in other countries. Western countries have also made extensive use of ngos of all kinds to infiltrate emerging and developing countries and help them play a leading role in the "color revolution". And the news media is the invisible hand of the west to control the international discourse and promote its ideology.

It's much broader. As the world multi-polarization and economic globalization, the advancement of information network, different combination of the increasing division of power, all kinds of interest relations, on the one hand, in the form of competition and rivalry between various ideological increasingly extensive and varied and domain, on the other hand, the ideological competition increasingly penetrated into the political, economic, cultural and other fields. When advancing their foreign policy goals, the western countries led by the United States use military strike, economic sanction, political smear, ideological infiltration, cultural influence and ideological tools alternately, and the diversity, offensive and covert of ideological struggle increase simultaneously.

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[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/the-6-relationship-problems-millennials-bring-up-the-most-in-therapy-3/

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

Finding love ― and sustaining a relationship ― has always been hard, but it’s a little more complicated for millennials.

“Unlike previous generations, millennials have grown up in a world full of dating apps. Gone is the day of simply meeting and marrying the boy or girl next door,” said Tara Griffith, a therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF, a San Francisco community of licensed therapists, nutritionists and certified coaches. “The sheer amount of choice present in today’s dating scene can make commitment even harder for a generation who has been conditioned to have it all.”

Below, Griffith and other therapists share the most common relationship concerns they hear from patients in their 20s and 30s. 

“Millennials often fall victim to decision paralysis. In the information age, the dating world is shaped by a plethora of platforms to search for ‘the one.’ This can often lead to the choice paradox and feeling extreme anxiety and fear of missing out by choosing the wrong person. Instead of feeding into the anxiety around searching for the right partner, I help clients refocus on being the right partner. When you redirect your energy into being the kind of partner you would want to have, you can energize the piece of puzzle you have control over. This often relieves some of the dating anxiety and allows you to grow by sharing yourself.” ―  Liz Higgins, a couples therapist in Dallas who works primarily with millennials 

“During their 20s, many millennials are choosing to prioritize other facets of life such as education, career, travel or life experiences before they settle down with a partner. Some find a partner later in life, when they’ve already created independent identities, careers, and sources of income. It’s also much more acceptable to have children without being married. Some millennials don’t see much benefit from obtaining a marriage certificate and potentially complicating things. Others may also devalue marriage due to being raised in a broken home themselves.” ― Tara Griffith

“Text is the primary mode of communication for millennials but so much gets lost in translation. Interpreting tone or intention based on nothing more than a word or a piece of punctuation is frustrating at best and disastrous at worst. In addition, many of my clients drive themselves crazy trying to craft the perfect text response and ultimately waste immense amounts of time and energy. The majority of our messaging comes through non-verbal communication like tone, facial expressions and body language, so millennials (and all people, for that matter) would be better served by communicating by phone or face to face.” ― Jess Hopkins, a certified life coach who works with millennials in Los Angeles, California

“A lot of millennials are starting to see friends get married and even have kids, but they themselves are perpetually single. Even though people are often marrying and settling down later, it still bothers a lot of millennials that they either can’t find a relationship or don’t feel ready for one.” ― Rachel Kazez, a Chicago therapist and founder of All Along, a program that helps people understand mental health and find therapy 

“Many of the younger couples I see bring up finances as an area they want to explore, especially before marriage. Money can often signify control or a power imbalance, which are both undesirable qualities in relationships. People don’t want to feel controlled, judged, or dependent when it comes to finances. What works best is to explore financial expectations, playing out scenarios (for example, what would it look like if one partner were to be a stay at home parent while the other worked?) and discussing boundaries. Many couples have found that it works best to have their own bank account with one merged couple account. What’s most important is that each unique couple find out what works best for them and their relationship goals.” ― Liz Higgins 

“I’ve seen so many straight millennial women complain that they’re ready for a serious relationship, but their boyfriends still want to ‘hang with his boys’ and play video games. She wonders if he will ever grow up and if she should stay with him and wait for him to change his behavior and make her his number one priority or simply move on with her life.”― Joyce Morley, a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Georgia

To read about what big life issues millennials complain about in general, head here.

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[recentanimenews]

BL Bookrack: Ten Count, Vols. 1-2

MELINDA: Wow, it’s been… a long time hasn’t it, my friend?

MICHELLE: I am scared to even verify how long it has been. A couple of years, at least!

MELINDA: So what’s brought us here today is the boys’ love series Ten Count (volumes one and two ) by Rihito Takarai, published here by SuBLime. From what I understand, the series has reached five volumes (ongoing) in Japan. The third volume is due out from SuBLime next month.

MICHELLE: Would you like to start?

MELINDA: Sure!

Shirotani is a lifelong germaphobe, resigned to his condition, though it keeps him isolated from others. Fortunately, with the help of his understanding employer, he is able to tolerate his job as secretary to a corporate CEO. It is in the corporate line of duty, then, that he first meets Kurose, a therapist at a local mental health clinic. Kurose notices Shirotani’s condition immediately, and suggests he seek help, but though Shirotani is able to make his way to the clinic, he can’t bring himself to go inside. Acknowledging this difficulty, Kurose offers to help him in a non-clinical capacity, as a friend, an arrangement to which Shirotani eventually agrees. As Kurose slowly helps him accomplish progressively difficult tasks (touching a doorknob with his bare hand, buying a book from a bookstore), the two become close in ways that complicates their relationship and threatens the fragile boundaries between them.

Fans of BL manga don’t need me to explain what that means, or probably why my greatest fear with this series would be that the therapist/patient dynamic (even in the context of them being “friends”) would create a problematic imbalance of power. And it does, though not right away. Had I read only the first volume, this paragraph would be a very different one, gratefully dismissing my fears and filled with satisfied discussion of their slowly-evolving relationship and lots of talk about how that kind of careful development is so rare and wonderful in this genre. Had I read only the first volume, I would have declared a lot of love for this series. Unfortunately, Kurose’s careful handling of Shirotani is abandoned less than two chapters into the second volume, when after declaring his love for Shirotani, he mercilessly forces him into accepting sexual contact (against Shirotani’s clear protestations), which only escalates as the volume continues. In fact, Shirotani’s germaphobia makes the situation even more brutal, as Kurose is not only performing non-consensual sexual acts with Shirotani, but also blatantly ignoring Shirotani’s boundaries regarding skin-to-skin contact without any of the thoughtful consideration he promised as part of their initial arrangement. It’s obvious that the author intended the germaphobia as a metaphorical stand-in for the typical uke resistance so popular in BL, but instead it just feels like piling on.

MICHELLE: What I found most interesting to contemplate is that Kurose does, in fact, give Shirotani opportunity to object. He warns him that he’s going to attempt these kinds of things if they continue to see each other, and asks questions like, “Did you really not like what we did a moment ago?” Sometimes, Shirotani is able to give voice to his objections, but he also holds back his disgust, and I have to think that’s because he doesn’t want to drive Kurose, the only person to whom he has any kind of close relationship, away. How much, then, does Shirotani actually reciprocate and how much is he just desperate to keep Kurose in his life?

If I had faith that Takarai was wanting us to consider this question in a thoughtful way, I’d be fairly happy. But there are a few comments, mostly in bonus stories or author asides, that make me think she is setting up a dominant/submissive paradigm in which Kurose simply enjoys seeing Shirotani squirm, and that is very troubling indeed.

MELINDA: Yeah, you’re right—he often does ask Shirotani for permission to do something, or for confirmation that he’s enjoying himself, but those check-ins feel pretty empty, considering the fact that he generally moves on with what he’s doing without anything resembling actual enthusiastic consent. And if she’s trying to set up a dominant/submissive relationship, she’s doing it 50 Shades style, which only furthers my discomfort. Kurose’s behavior becomes increasingly controlling over the course of the second volume, by the end of which he has not only violated most of Shirotani’s personal and sexual boundaries, but also has begun infantilizing him to a truly creepy degree. Between declaring a preference for a “childlike” hairstyle and outright asking Shirotani to agree to be “dependent” on him, Kurose has basically given up any pretense of respect or even basic acknowledgement of Shirotani’s agency as an (older!!) adult man. It is a testament to the strength of the series’ first volume that I’m even still reading this thing. But I would be lying if I said that it hadn’t broken my heart.

I understand that rape fantasy is a thing, and that it’s in poor taste to judge other people (especially femme-identified people, who are this genre’s target audience) for such fantasies. And on some level, I even understand a bit why someone’s fantasy might include giving up control, though I’d probably understand that better if we lived in a world where acknowledgement of a woman’s control over her own body was not considered a radical political act. I also understand that it’s, at the very least, pointless to wish for a story to be a different one than what its author wants to tell. I know that I should simply accept that something is not for me and move on. But after a full volume of something that *seems* to be for me, that truth can be difficult to swallow.

MICHELLE: Another thing that strikes me about the questions Kurose poses is how detached and clinical they can seem, even after a sexual act. One example is, “Were you more concerned with the possibility that I found you unpleasant than whether or not you found the situation itself unpleasant?” Leaving aside the tacit admission that he knows Shirotani could’ve been finding the situation unpleasant, attempting to reassert the therapist/patient dynamic at such a moment is, well, kind of creepy.

I’m not ready to give up on the series yet. Like I said, I want to believe Takarai is trying to make a more subtle point here, but I just don’t know. If volume three is more of the same, it might be too much for me, too.

MELINDA: Upsides of this series that extend beyond its fairly awesome first volume include Shirotani’s sweet, understanding boss, whose constant mindfulness regarding Shirotani’s discomfort and physical boundaries paint a picture of a pretty awesome guy. Similarly, Shirotani’s acquaintance from his company’s sales department, Mikami, proves himself over and over to be a good friend and a stand-up guy. It’s a shame that these characters, who operate without personal motive and truly seem to have Shirotani’s best interests at heart aren’t the people he trusts most. I can’t help but think that if either of them knew what was going on, they’d be the first to jump to Shirotani’s defense and help him get the hell out of the abusive relationship he’s been lured into by Kurose.

MICHELLE: I liked them, too! I really wanted to believe that Shirotani was indeed able to make progress in his therapy with Mikami, as he initially claimed to do, though we later learn he was lying in hopes that he could resume seeing Kurose. Perhaps it was some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, in a way. Like, he tried with Mikami, and had no success, and now he believes that Kurose is the key to moving forward, thus increasing his dependence. He is able to achieve some things for these people in his life, though, like when his desire to find a book to entertain his hospitalized boss results in a successful purchase at a bookstore.

Regarding Kurose and his motivations, do you think there’s still some reveal to come? When he has Shirotani write out the list of ten activities he feels aversion for, with ten being something he thinks he could never do, Shirotani leaves that one blank. Kurose refuses to divulge his reasons for helping Shirotani on his own time until Shirotani fills in that tenth item. Do we already know that it’s because he was falling in love? Or is it something like, “I’m secretly a major sadist”?

MELINDA: That’s a really good question! I feel like I have no idea. I mean, on one hand, things have gone so far at this point I’m sort of just expecting the usual “tortured uke” trope to continue from this point, with more and more uncomfortable sex scenes and less and less real storytelling. So I’m not as optimistic as I’d like. On one hand, the series obviously continues beyond this, but I wonder if it will continue to really explore and examine this relationship or whether it will just turn to side characters like so many deceivingly-long BL series do.

Your whole first paragraph, though, just reminds me how much I loved the first volume! Gah! I want to be optimistic!

MICHELLE: So do I, and part of me thinks there’s still room for something great to evolve from this. I’m thinking of Tomoko Yamashita’s marvelous The Night Beyond the Tricornered Window, actually, in which no sexual contact has occurred, but in which one lead (Hiyakawa) casually appropriates the body of the other (Mikado) in a way that alarms others but which the affected party chooses not to think too deeply about because with Hiyakawa around, he no longer feels alone or potentially crazy for his ability to see spirits. There are some definite parallels to Ten Count there, but Yamashita is more clearly going into a psychological direction with her story, whereas Takarai seems to be taking a more traditional, explicit route.

I will still read volume three, though. How about you?

MELINDA: I will probably give this series one more volume, yes, even though I don’t feel as optimistic as I wish I did. Also, I’ll second your shout-out to The Night Beyond the Tricornered Window, which manages to talk about consent more thoughtfully, despite its supernatural premise. In that series, there is at least another character screaming out, “THIS IS NOT OKAY” all the time, so that we’re aware that the author knows there is a problem. It makes all the difference in the world.

MICHELLE: Indeed it does.

MELINDA: Bottom line, though this series starts off as a thoughtful look at the slow development of a tricky but potentially important relationship between a lonely professional who becomes friendly with a younger mental health specialist, its second volume takes a dark turn, devolving into a tale of emotional abuse, sexual assault, and deeply broken trust. We’ll probably keep reading it, but buyer beware.

By: Melinda Beasi

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/the-6-relationship-problems-millennials-bring-up-the-most-in-therapy-2/

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

Finding love ― and sustaining a relationship ― has always been hard, but it’s a little more complicated for millennials.

“Unlike previous generations, millennials have grown up in a world full of dating apps. Gone is the day of simply meeting and marrying the boy or girl next door,” said Tara Griffith, a therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF, a San Francisco community of licensed therapists, nutritionists and certified coaches. “The sheer amount of choice present in today’s dating scene can make commitment even harder for a generation who has been conditioned to have it all.”

Below, Griffith and other therapists share the most common relationship concerns they hear from patients in their 20s and 30s. 

“Millennials often fall victim to decision paralysis. In the information age, the dating world is shaped by a plethora of platforms to search for ‘the one.’ This can often lead to the choice paradox and feeling extreme anxiety and fear of missing out by choosing the wrong person. Instead of feeding into the anxiety around searching for the right partner, I help clients refocus on being the right partner. When you redirect your energy into being the kind of partner you would want to have, you can energize the piece of puzzle you have control over. This often relieves some of the dating anxiety and allows you to grow by sharing yourself.” ―  Liz Higgins, a couples therapist in Dallas who works primarily with millennials 

“During their 20s, many millennials are choosing to prioritize other facets of life such as education, career, travel or life experiences before they settle down with a partner. Some find a partner later in life, when they’ve already created independent identities, careers, and sources of income. It’s also much more acceptable to have children without being married. Some millennials don’t see much benefit from obtaining a marriage certificate and potentially complicating things. Others may also devalue marriage due to being raised in a broken home themselves.” ― Tara Griffith

“Text is the primary mode of communication for millennials but so much gets lost in translation. Interpreting tone or intention based on nothing more than a word or a piece of punctuation is frustrating at best and disastrous at worst. In addition, many of my clients drive themselves crazy trying to craft the perfect text response and ultimately waste immense amounts of time and energy. The majority of our messaging comes through non-verbal communication like tone, facial expressions and body language, so millennials (and all people, for that matter) would be better served by communicating by phone or face to face.” ― Jess Hopkins, a certified life coach who works with millennials in Los Angeles, California

“A lot of millennials are starting to see friends get married and even have kids, but they themselves are perpetually single. Even though people are often marrying and settling down later, it still bothers a lot of millennials that they either can’t find a relationship or don’t feel ready for one.” ― Rachel Kazez, a Chicago therapist and founder of All Along, a program that helps people understand mental health and find therapy 

“Many of the younger couples I see bring up finances as an area they want to explore, especially before marriage. Money can often signify control or a power imbalance, which are both undesirable qualities in relationships. People don’t want to feel controlled, judged, or dependent when it comes to finances. What works best is to explore financial expectations, playing out scenarios (for example, what would it look like if one partner were to be a stay at home parent while the other worked?) and discussing boundaries. Many couples have found that it works best to have their own bank account with one merged couple account. What’s most important is that each unique couple find out what works best for them and their relationship goals.” ― Liz Higgins 

“I’ve seen so many straight millennial women complain that they’re ready for a serious relationship, but their boyfriends still want to ‘hang with his boys’ and play video games. She wonders if he will ever grow up and if she should stay with him and wait for him to change his behavior and make her his number one priority or simply move on with her life.”― Joyce Morley, a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Georgia

To read about what big life issues millennials complain about in general, head here.

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Download

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/the-6-relationship-problems-millennials-bring-up-the-most-in-therapy/

The 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

Finding love ― and sustaining a relationship ― has always been hard, but it’s a little more complicated for millennials.

“Unlike previous generations, millennials have grown up in a world full of dating apps. Gone is the day of simply meeting and marrying the boy or girl next door,” said Tara Griffith, a therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF, a San Francisco community of licensed therapists, nutritionists and certified coaches. “The sheer amount of choice present in today’s dating scene can make commitment even harder for a generation who has been conditioned to have it all.”

Below, Griffith and other therapists share the most common relationship concerns they hear from patients in their 20s and 30s. 

“Millennials often fall victim to decision paralysis. In the information age, the dating world is shaped by a plethora of platforms to search for ‘the one.’ This can often lead to the choice paradox and feeling extreme anxiety and fear of missing out by choosing the wrong person. Instead of feeding into the anxiety around searching for the right partner, I help clients refocus on being the right partner. When you redirect your energy into being the kind of partner you would want to have, you can energize the piece of puzzle you have control over. This often relieves some of the dating anxiety and allows you to grow by sharing yourself.” ―  Liz Higgins, a couples therapist in Dallas who works primarily with millennials 

“During their 20s, many millennials are choosing to prioritize other facets of life such as education, career, travel or life experiences before they settle down with a partner. Some find a partner later in life, when they’ve already created independent identities, careers, and sources of income. It’s also much more acceptable to have children without being married. Some millennials don’t see much benefit from obtaining a marriage certificate and potentially complicating things. Others may also devalue marriage due to being raised in a broken home themselves.” ― Tara Griffith

“Text is the primary mode of communication for millennials but so much gets lost in translation. Interpreting tone or intention based on nothing more than a word or a piece of punctuation is frustrating at best and disastrous at worst. In addition, many of my clients drive themselves crazy trying to craft the perfect text response and ultimately waste immense amounts of time and energy. The majority of our messaging comes through non-verbal communication like tone, facial expressions and body language, so millennials (and all people, for that matter) would be better served by communicating by phone or face to face.” ― Jess Hopkins, a certified life coach who works with millennials in Los Angeles, California

“A lot of millennials are starting to see friends get married and even have kids, but they themselves are perpetually single. Even though people are often marrying and settling down later, it still bothers a lot of millennials that they either can’t find a relationship or don’t feel ready for one.” ― Rachel Kazez, a Chicago therapist and founder of All Along, a program that helps people understand mental health and find therapy 

“Many of the younger couples I see bring up finances as an area they want to explore, especially before marriage. Money can often signify control or a power imbalance, which are both undesirable qualities in relationships. People don’t want to feel controlled, judged, or dependent when it comes to finances. What works best is to explore financial expectations, playing out scenarios (for example, what would it look like if one partner were to be a stay at home parent while the other worked?) and discussing boundaries. Many couples have found that it works best to have their own bank account with one merged couple account. What’s most important is that each unique couple find out what works best for them and their relationship goals.” ― Liz Higgins 

“I’ve seen so many straight millennial women complain that they’re ready for a serious relationship, but their boyfriends still want to ‘hang with his boys’ and play video games. She wonders if he will ever grow up and if she should stay with him and wait for him to change his behavior and make her his number one priority or simply move on with her life.”― Joyce Morley, a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Georgia

To read about what big life issues millennials complain about in general, head here.

RELATED STORIES

The 6 Things Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy

These Are The Best And Worst Cities To Live In If You're 20-Something

11 Illustrations That Sum Up How Exhausting Modern Dating Can Be

11 Annoying Things People Say To Couples Who Get Married Young

Download

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/