#completely unequicked and utterly alone

[pageofheartdj]

It feels like I am wasting life, but I don't know what else am I supposed to do.

I feel… content where I am. Sure more money would be great, but with the amount of actual work I am doing it could have been worse. I am not seeking second job to fix it, I need lots of me time to not go crazy.

It's just that my every day goes the same. I don't hate it, but I grow wary that my life will just fly by as if I never actually lived it… But I can't come up with anything I would want to change or add.

I don't seek partner nor do I believe I can get along with anyone. So it stays in my dreams only.

I do not want children, I don't have enough patience and energy. I already have a pet to make me less lonely..

I don't like going outside, so no traveling or walks or cinema. I don't care for most material possessions, so no shopping.

My life feels dull and empty and monotone, yet there is nothing I would want to do to help with it. Nothing feels like something I would geniunely want.

All I have is my show obsessions when they come. That's all I spend my time on. Daydreaming, listening music, rewatching, reading fics, seeking art, discussing. I enjoy it. But that's all I have. All day, every day.

Am I this lazy to search for a way to help myself? Or am I just this passive. Something feels missing, but nothing actually fits to fill the hole. So I just keep existing like that.

I am at loss.