#completely satisfied with my setlist

[vampylily]

i hope i get to see paramore perform pool one day. i know it was on the setlist for fall 2022 but i went to the summer leg 2023 so i didn't get that song.

[yeonmuse]

AVALON | DAY 2

PAIRING lead singer bf Sangyeon x gf reader

WORD COUNT | 1.6k

GENRE Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ‼️ vaginal fingering, body worship, vulgar language, lead singer Sangyeon, eating her out, hickeys, he calls her his little star, praise, soft dom Sangyeon

SUMMARY Sanyeong writes a song for you so that all his fans know that his heart belongs to you.

MORE | Day two of the Groupie Love Series

By now you were used to the loud and chaotic atmosphere when it came to your boyfriends shows. One year the two of you had been going strong and he made it his priority to make sure you attended every show. That year was more than enough time for you to get used to the rock scene, The mosh pits, the familiar faces in the crowd and the screaming of your lover's lyrics from the entire crowd. By now you knew every song, every setlist, every chord and beat. It was to your suprise that your boyfriend decided to add something completely new to his setlist. A change that had been quite the surprise to both you and the crowd.

“This song is gonna be for a special someone that deserves more than just a song, she deserves the entire fucking world. Baby you’ve been on this crazy ride with me for a year now, I need you to know my heart, my mind, my soul it’s yours this one’s for you baby.’’

“My love you and I could consume the night

become one with the sky’’

“As we fall my faith is recalled every part of me enthralled

by your touch”

“Why, is this love i dont know’’

“Will you entrust me your soul, as we fight fire with sound.’’

“I ask could you stay for a while’’

“As the wolves begin to howl and the moon stares back and frowns’’

“This world is crumbling as time counts down”

“Before the end arrives ,my love you and I could consume the night

become one with the sky’’

“As we fall my faith is recalled every part of me enthralled

by your touch”

“Why, is this love i dont know’’

“Will you entrust me your soul, as we fight fire with sound.’’

“I ask could you stay for a while”

As the guitar faded out and the song finished you hadn’t even realized you had been crying until you felt a tear fall upon your hand. In contrast to your emotional moment the crowd had been going insane, amidst the chaos and loud scream of the crowd your boyfriend's eyes found you and as you both stared at one another it felt as if it was just the two of you. By the time the show ended you found yourself rushing to get out back to his dressing room where you knew he was most likely already awaiting your arrival. As you pushed open the door to his dressing room he stood there with a towel thrown over his head, his hair having been completely drenched from sweat and the water he had thrown around earlier on stage.

Not one word was exchanged nor were they needed between the two of you at that moment. His hand immediately hooked around your waist pulling you into him. To him you were completely intoxicating, your scent, your voice, your body, your touch everything about you was like his drug. Bringing your hand to his lips he placed loving kisses from your wrist up to your shoulder, a gesture that made the butterflies in your stomach go frantic . As his lips met your shoulder it sent shivers down your spine from the moment they touched your skin. He felt the way your body relaxed and heated up at the contact and immediately grew satisfied with the reaction. A reaction he had earned from you time and time again but would never tire of it.

Soft hums spilled from his lips, as he began to undress you while adorning your skin with kisses, soft hums you recognized to be the song he had just performed for you. It wasn't until you felt his fingertip trail down the soft skin on your stomach that your need for him grew more urgent. Sanyeons fingers slipped beneath your dress and past your panties and before you had known it he had already been rubbing circles around your clit earning soft moans from you as your hand rested on his wrist. The way your back arched and your nails dug into his arm sent his thoughts into a frenzy. The combination of your moans and your soft skin against his tongue was enough to drive him mad. He had barely even touched you and you were already being so reactive, he knew it would only be a few more seconds before his name would spill from your lips in that sweet melodic tone like always. Seconds later he slipped in two fingers, taking the time to stretch you out and feel you out before he began to thrust them in and out slowly. The way you whine for him to move them faster only causes him to slow them down, he needed to hear you say his name, the way his name fell from your lips had always sounded so sweet.

"Yeonie please, please my love.'' you choked out, your words barely audible but it was good enough for him because no matter how you said it the sound of his name from your lips was something he always loved to hear. Slipping in yet another finger he watched how your expressions changed as he moved his fingers faster. He tried his best to read your thoughts but it seemed that at the moment nothing was there, just the mere thought of him and all the things that he was now doing to you. A soft chuckle spilled from his lips before leaving a string of kisses on your neck.

“You’re so beautiful, everything about you is so fucking beautiful, your smile, your eyes, your hair your voice.” His hand roamed over your body, leaving a fiery sensation over every place he touched. His touch would always leave you longing for more no matter how many times you felt it. He loved the way you squirmed and your body convulsed as he continued to stretch you out and pump his fingers inside of you, and as he stopped to remove his fingers to bring them to his lips he couldn't deny that your begging and pleas for him to continue had been so much sweeter. So this time rather than return his fingers there he lifted you up, carrying you over to the couch. After laying you down he slipped your panties from your legs and dropped them to the floor before scooping your legs up and going between your thighs. His eyes gazed up at your beautiful face as he left kisses on your inner thighs before sinking his teeth in once more earning a small yelp from you before your fingers grasped at his hair. He was taking his time with you, he needed to worship you, to treat your body like a goddess that only he could touch.

His eyes remained glued to you even moments as his lips met your clit, the sounds that spilled from your mouth following his actions made him desperate to hear more. He slipped his tongue through your folds and as your head fell back at the immense pleasure his eyes stayed trained on you. In that moment he didn’t care about who might have heard you, or what fans had been outside waiting for him as the fans usually did. You were his priority. The blissed out look on your face and the way you pulled at his hair, every now and then pushing his face deeper between your thighs it made his hunger for you all the more insatiable.

''You look so beautiful like this my little star, so fucking beautiful.'' he slips his tongue past your folds all while using a few fingers to massage your clit. He gave you no time to respond before he was attacking the heat between your legs as if he himself was desperate to touch you just as you were for him to touch you. Your fingers tugged at his dark locks as his tongue played with your sensitive core. It was a feeling you had felt time and time again with him but each time it seemed to be all the more pleasurable. The way his tongue and lips attacked your clit so vigorously made your thighs tremble. He sensed your hip movements and immediately forced your thighs back down against the couch. As he continued to suck and play at your g spot with his fingers it was like music to his ears hearing the way you whine and moan out for him and him only. He watched as your face contorted at the pleasure and felt as you clenched around his tongue and fingers and he was more than sure you were meeting your release.

"Go ahead baby let it out.'' he hums against you and as you squirm beneath him and release on his tongue he couldn't help but stare up at you proudly.

"You did so good for me baby.'' he gently rubs between your thighs as he watches you fall back against the couch. While you took a moment to compose yourself he left loving kisses on your thighs before getting up and making his way to the bathroom to grab a towel. As he wiped you clean a smile curled onto his lips as he watched you struggling to keep your eyes open.

A soft I love you spills from your lips to which he responds ‘I love you more’ pressing a kiss to your forehead. Once your eyes grew heavy and you fell asleep he slipped a new pair of panties onto your legs before kissing the marks he had left on both your neck and thighs. With a proud smile he brushed the hair from your face before making his way out of his dressing room to meet with fans so that the two of you could head home

[fallinginreversefanblog]

Falling In Reverse live in Munich/Germany, 11/19/2024

Falling In Reverse had only one day off before arriving to Germany and having their first show there in Munich, at Zenith Kulturhalle, on Nov 19th, 2024. The arena wasn't very big, but sold out completely and Ronnie and the boys had a wonderful show that night.

Via Instagram

Some great videos we can watch on Instagram (mainly), seems like Ronnie was very much in the mood again, he was being funny with the crowd and energetic to the maximum.

Via Ronnie's IG account

The band's photographer, @cjgaskey made some incredible pictures again, which were shared by Ronnie and by all the band (above)

I have a friend who attended to this show and these pictures below are hers ❤️ They were shot from the barricade and uploaded on Twitter.

Via Twitter

I tried to sort the best videos available to this moment, there are more, as usual.

More @cjgaskey pics and fan made great ones too ⬇️

Via Ronnie's IG account

I try to cover all the possible songs from the setlist, but there still are a few not found in the videos of those uploading. One of these is repeatedly "Losing My Mind". I will try to break that chain though.

There were not many stage total view pics this time, and this app doen't let more than 10 pics in a post anyway, so you have to be satisfied with this one only. The venue seems very industrial like which is fitting to Ronnie's incredible minimalistic stage.

Via Marc Okubo's IG account

There was no crowd selfie this time, maybe because there was no good angle or lights. This @cjgaskey photo below will serve as one though, it's amazingly talkative with the waving mass of fans in the background.

Falling In Reverse's next show will be right the day after this Munich one, in Berlin/Germany, at Velodrom, on Nov 20th, 2024. No rest this time, but a rush, I guess the band spent this day already at the new spot. I can't wait for tonight show and another friend attending again!

[jules-has-notes]

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas — VoicePlay music video

Between promoting their season of The Sing-Off and releasing the songs for their Collide collaboration album, VoicePlay didn't put out a Christmas video in 2013. They definitely made up for it in 2014 with this combination of vocal awesomeness and visual ridiculousness.

Details:

title: I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

original performers: Bing Crosby as Jim Hardy and Marjorie Reynolds as Linda Mason in Holiday Inn (1942)

written by: Irving Berlin

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

release date: 28 November 2014

My favorite bits:

the jaunty tempo that makes it more upbeat than the original

their festive sweaters in Geoff's fantasy sequence

an appearance from Tony's good boy Fletcher

Layne's incredible sleigh bells — I've seen him demonstrate how he does it, and it still astonishes me how real it sounds.

the fact that Earl's fantasy isn't just having a lot of cookies, but specifically having enough to satisfy him without sharing

Tony, Eli, and Layne just barely managing to keep straight faces during the candy cane chase sequence

Geoff's lovely riff and the ending harmonies

the extended slow-mo clip, complete with the guys losing it

.

Trivia:

VoicePlay originally recorded this track for their 2012 holiday album, "Peppermint WInter".

The video got a nice listicle writeup in Buzzfeed.

This song was part of their rotating setlist for Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party at Disney World from 2015-17.

They had previously recorded a video for an arrangement of this song as 4:2:Five (with Danny and Ryan) in 2010. It was made private along with the rest of the 4:2:Five YouTube channel when they changed their name to VoicePlay in 2012.

Eli does know what it's like to have long hair, because he used to have a full head of curly auburn locks. He decided to shave it off one day with the help of a bandmate and has maintained the look ever since.

Geoff, Kathy, Eli, and Danny with their castmates for the 2009 Luminescence holiday show in Kissimmee

[fymoonbyul]

[ARTICLE] Review: K-pop group MAMAMOO keep the ‘Mic On’ for a powerful performance during Bay Area concert debut

At their packed Oakland Arena stop during their debut “My Con” world tour, veteran K-pop girl group Mamamoo put the spotlight on one of the most underutilized concert instruments: the wireless microphone.

It’s no secret that many K-pop performances rely heavily on pre-recorded vocals, but Mamamoo bucked the trend Friday, June 2, serving up live vocals as well as looks. Hitting the stage in white blouses, bustiers and toreador leggings tucked into black knee-high boots, the quartet — Solar, Moonbyul, Wheein and Hwasa — was dressed to slay. But it was vocal performances on songs like “Make Me Happy,” “Paint Me” and “Star Wind Flower Sun” where they killed.

Mamamoo’s tour title “My Con” forms a portmanteau of “Mic On,” a nod to the name of their latest EP and the way they used their mics onstage. Moonbyul offered additional rationale that received lusty cheers from fans.

“The meaning of the tour is that Moomoos (Mamamoo fans) all over the world are coming together to make this concert happen,” she told the audience through a translator.

For more than two hours, Mamamoo showed why they’re one of the most fearless and well-rounded groups in K-pop since breaking onto the scene in 2014. Solar and Wheein form a potent singing tandem — Solar has R&B in her veins, and Wheein is a pop expressionist — while Hwasa and Moonbyul are double agents, contributing vocals and raps.

Mamamoo’s choreography was also satisfying with top-class execution and clean lines despite carrying handheld mics during the show. They were visually accentuated by eight female backup dancers and four outfit changes throughout the night.

The group’s live vocals gave credence to the “mic on” theory, though some assistive vocals could be detected to the naked ear, especially when members lowered their handhelds to complete a choreographed move.

While Mamamoo didn’t perform with a live band, the instrumental tracks sounded freshly recorded and retooled, which gave their songs a punchy, spontaneous feel — from the drumstick count-off to the big clattery toms-and-cymbals finishes.

Mamamoo injected fresh life into the solo medley portion of the show, by individually covering each other’s key solo tracks: Solar sang Wheein’s “Water Color” and Wheein performed Solar’s “Honey,” while Hwasa covered Moonbyul’s “Eclipse” and Moonbyul did Hwasa’s “Twit.”

The songs even received their own distinctive spotlight and dance routine, showing off each member’s versatility and creativity. The group came together for a performance of four more solo snippets, with Hwasa’s “Maria” receiving the biggest response as the performers executed Hwasa’s iconic body rolls during the number, a move akin to seeing James Brown do the splits.

But the night didn’t all go according to script. During the upbeat “Starry Night,” the group got a case of the giggles and broke character, before regaining composure to finish the song. Also, there were lulls as well as lolz. Three interstitial pre-recorded video segments (“VCRs” in K-pop speak) slowed momentum to a crawl. One segment lasting seven minutes — an eternity in concert time — showed group members enjoying a meal and talking shop. These would have been better served as pre-show entertainment for folks settling into their seats.

With nine years of music to pull from, it’s fair to assume that some fan favorites would not make the cut. But leaving the 2020 pick-me-up anthem “Dingga” off the setlist felt like a crucial miss. The quarantine-era hit was meant to be played in this exact setting, with everyone back in a concert hall again.

If the main concert served up stylistic amuse-bouches, the four-song encore was a pop feast. Reappearing in denim and tour merch, the women vibed along with the audience to “Travel,” “Yes I Am,” “L.I.E.C,” and closed with their effervescent early hit, “Um Oh Ah Yeah.”

The encore summed up nearly a decade of influence, showing how all-around talent, experience, fearlessness and versatility are keys to longevity.

[makishinichi]

sasakoi spoilers under the cut

i get that people are rather unsatisfied with the end of the current arc, and i completely understand why! but honestly... because aki is my favourite, i'm always rooting for her happiness, so i'm glad she got to be happy...!

but of course i was a little confused as to how aki's feelings had seemingly changed just over the course of two chapters, so i had to go back and reread the old chapters... and it may seem far fetched, but it's not exactly a sudden development that aki's feelings did change. throughout the competition with shiho, aki had put her desire to confront (and make up with) shiho before everything else, even her own one sided feelings for yori. while she was engrossed in the competition, she didn't seem to be hiding anything away, she didn't seem to be bearing thoughts by her self, not like in the previous chapters where you could see her turmoil. somewhere along the line her feelings about shiho overpowered her feelings for yori. and even aki said it herself, she didn't know that her feelings changed.

(of course, the author could have fleshed it out better, so that it wouldn't feel like it was a development that came out of nowhere. but honestly, this arc has gone on for way too long! i like this arc, but i do think it's been dragged out enough lmao)

it may seem like an unpopular opinion amongst english speaking readers, but i do like shiho and i wanted her to be happy, whether or not she ended up with aki. even if it meant that they would never speak to each other again, i just hoped that they could reach a satisfying conclusion that would suit both shiho and aki. but it seems like the author wanted them to be together, and i'm not complaining! at this point i'm just glad it's over and aki and shiho managed to find happiness lmao. looking forward to the next arc, maybe it will be between miki and her senpai? and hopefully we'll get a momoka-hajime plotline sometime too!

(also!! i just realised that when aki gave her bass to yori and jumped down from the stage to embrace shiho... yes it was a parallel to the yorihima scene where aki had told yori to leave the cleanup to the rest and to go be with himari... but also, it was a contrasting act showing how aki was acting on her own desire! her feelings for yori kept making her hold back, to hide her feelings away, to put yori's feelings before her own, even though she longed to take a step forward. but when it came to shiho, she kept making decisions for herself. she shed tears in front of yori, she dragged her band into a competition with lorelei, she did a last minute change to the setlist, she even confessed her feelings to shiho in front of the whole school! her relationship with shiho was one that she couldn't hide away and keep to herself... whether romantic or not, aki's feelings for shiho are strong enough to make her act for her own self.)

[shinycollarboneapologist]

omg illicit affairs anon here and happy to report how I feel on every taylor song!!! my fav album is evermore so I would die for any song on there and will defend it to my death.

matty is literally who taylor wrote all this songs for wdym?? Harry Styles? never heard of him... style is clearly for Mr. Matthew Timothy Healy and I won't here shit otherwise! I love to live in my delusion and pretend peace is ab me and matty bc he's so famous... no I am not mentally well thanks for asking!!!!

mirrorball? I think it's safe to say I'm a mirrorball stan considering I have a tattoo for it on my ribs... FOLKLORE IS POETRY I LOVE IT (I also rated the whole of folklore and mirrorball is no.3)

my tears ricochet? I CAN GO ANYWHERE I WANT, ANYWHERE I WANT JUST NOT HOME!!! proud owner of an og folklore cardigan here I love my tears ricochet!!!! it's number 6 on my overall folklore rating which sounds low but folklore just has too many bangers you know??

tis the damn season? seeing this on the eras tour set list did send me into cardiac arrest, thank you!!! this is one of those sad bangers that gets me HYPE to feel depressed but slightly jam at the same time. I was prepped to have 0 evermore songs but to have THIS?? I cried watching the live stream at 3am (International swiftie grind)

false god? unlike any other taylor song but it BANGS!!! I want her to play it and john from the 1975 to play all the sax bits ty!! lover is my 3rd favourite album and I haven't been able to listen to it since... the news :(((

I also am a debut stan I am happy to say, people give it wayyyy to much hate!! picture to burn?? should've said no?? I'm only me when I'm with you?? our song?? it's a no skip album and I'll take that to my grave.

overall miss taylor swift deserves every award and I want her and the '75 to stand there and preform their entire discography to me and you in our cottage ty, as payment we will name some cats after them!!

love you bestie <33333

EVERMORE AND SPEAK NOW ARE MY TOP TWO (WITH 1989 and FOLKORE TIED FOR A THIRD). evermore has the worlds best song (champagne problems) and the deluxe tracks???? right where you left me? its time to go? like okay ms. swift...

PLEJDGLDF as a h*rry stan and a 75 stan, my delusional brain goes back and forth through periods of daydreaming about 1989 being the harry album and the matthew Timothy healy love letter. ALSO i am right with you with the whole daydreaming thing. maybe mine is champagne problems being about me and matty and me not being ready for a relationship with him bc i love angst and drama. (i am the drama. also the rumor that went around when it first came out that champagne problems was about justin and selena? that broke me..)

MIRRORBALLLLLLLLLLL SENDS MEEEEEEE FOR A LOOP. its the song i lay in bed to and just stare at the ceiling, literally on my disassociation playlist. (i wish i was joking). and omg.. the tattoo.. its literally on my list of ones i want to get. (besties and twinsies)

me adding u to my rob list bc i longed for a folklore cardigan. ALSO. I GET TTTT IT SO MUCH. folklore is a banging album.

the way i literally threw my phone when she started playing it. i was in SHOCK. its literally top tier from the album. i was so ready for her to disrespect evermore completely, so i was very much satisfied that it was on the setlist.

FALSE GOD IS SO SEXY TO ME. the sax ... the soulfulness. i sway when it comes on bc its just so good?!?!? also ur so right for wanting john to play the sax on it. i think i would keel over and die. (Also just wanted to update you that i listened to lover on the way home from work ln and it .... it wounded me but i was BRAVE)

debut is soooooooooo chef's kiss. i am not a country fan at ALL. but i will get down and dirty to her old music idc. our song <3 im an our song STAN. i loved the music video.

me and you inviting only miss swift and the 1975 (plus their touring band) to our little cottage with our cats. it sounds like heaven to me. (matty is only allowed in when he's performing though, we have to humble him somehow)

love you SO MUCH. i hope ur having a wonderful day <3

[chorusfm]

Letters Sent Home

Recently I was able to catch up with a German quartet called Letters Sent Home to discuss their new LP, Forever Undone, that released today via SharpTone Records. The highly anticipated album features recently released singles, “Request Denied” and “Elements”, alongside nine ambitious and exciting new tracks. The band is comprised of singer Emily Paschke, bassist Lara Ripke, guitarist Robin Werner, and drummer Louis Schramm. In this interview, I asked the band about their excitement level with releasing their debut LP, their touring plans, and much more. Forever Undone can be purchased here. Can you tell me what went into the writing process for your song “Hysteria”? The inspiration for the instrumental for Hysteria was the song “Family” by Badflower. This song immediately caught our attention because of its song structure and verses that only contain vocals and drums. We loved how the verses focused solely on the gut wrenching lyrics. So, we drew from this idea and added our own twist to it. Lyrically, the song summarizes my thoughts on social media in the postmodern days. It shows the struggle to never be good enough in the age and eyes of social media and how even the slightest misstep can make you a villain. What was it like filming the music video for this song as well? It was a dream come true filming with the very talented Pavel Trebukhin (TRE FILM), who also filmed and directed the video for “I hope I die first.” We had a very clear vision of what we wanted the video to look like but we didn’t have the resources to implement that vision, so we had to compromise. We wanted it to be a witch hunt and although we changed the original story, we think the essence of it stayed and we are more than happy with what Pavel was able to achieve. We filmed this video after a long video shoot for “I hope I die first.” The day before, so we were all exhausted but we pulled through and finished earlier than expected. The feeling you get after the “It’s a wrap” is unbelievably satisfying haha. Does your band have any plans to tour the States? If so, how do you plan to craft out the setlist for the upcoming tour? Unfortunately, we have no plans to tour the States yet but this is something we are working very hard for to be able to do eventually. To be completely honest, we always put those songs on our setlists that are the most fun to play and those that we have learned the crowd always enjoy. For the upcoming shows we are changing our intro for the first time in two years which is really overdue.  Your debut album comes out this Friday, April 12th, called Forever Undone. What are your expectations for how the material will be received by fans both old and new? Also, what is the meaning behind the title of the LP? We think that this album perfectly describes us as a band with all our personalities and influences. You will be able to find songs on the album that remind you of the old material but you will also find new vibes and styles that we wanted to try out. Old fans will be used to us experimenting and hopefully appreciate it and new fans will be surprised by the genre variety on the album but, we hope, in a good way. The album title Forever Undone basically means that we and the world are never complete. We don’t have a finish line we will run through. There is always something in us that is undone or broken that needs healing or evolution. You’ll find this theme in every song on the album. “Request Denied”, for example,  deals with depression and how it never really just goes away, so I just deal with it. “I hope I die first” shows how a love story is forever undone and never a hundred percent perfect. The trauma and experiences that I deal with on this album broke something inside of me but it also made me who I am today and that will never change. Therefore, I am forever undone.  Every band has a story to tell with their music. What do you hope people will take away most when they listen to Letters Sent Home? We are so vulnerable… https://chorus.fm/features/interviews/letters-sent-home/

[babyboibucky]

Don’t You Worry (Your Pretty Little Head)

Pairing: Guitarist!Bucky x Reader

Summary: You agree to spend twelve hours with Bucky whom you just met.

Word Count: 9.1k

Warnings: THE LENGTH lmfao, soft smut??? Nothing vulgar and it’s sorta implied

A/N: I am honestly nervous about posting this piece because idk, aside from it being fucking long, I was never satisfied with how this was written lmfao. I literally rewrote this like idk 5 times??? And the fact that I made a mood board for a oneshot lmfao only means I poured my heart out into this shit and I’m really hoping y’all would enjoy this as much as my other works 🥺

MAIN MASTERLIST

Your idea of a fun Friday night involved your couch and Netflix playing in the background as you scrolled through your phone with a glass of wine in hand. This was your definition of pure bliss, something that Wanda violently opposed to.

So here you were, seated in the front of a music bar while Wanda’s favorite band played.

“See? This isn’t so bad, right? Better than wallowing in your apartment alone.” She teased as she leaned over to you, needing to amp up the volume of her voice so you can hear her.

“The fact that we can’t even hear each other properly makes wallowing alone sound so much better.” You told her, not even bothering to repeat yourself when she didn’t understand what you said over the loud music playing.

Her favorite band introduced their last song for the night and as they did, you checked your phone for the time. It was barely past ten in the evening and you were already dying to get home. You’ll bid goodbye after this, you promised yourself. Just one last song and you’re out. Before the band could even finish their last song, you’d already decided on what pizza to order and which wine to bring out.

That was until the next band came up on stage to prepare for their performance. You were leaning over Wanda already, about to tell her that you were heading home, when one particular guy caught your eye. Something that Wanda noticed when she saw you gawking at the stage.

“Oh my god. He’s definitely your type.” Wanda said when her eyes landed on the bassist.

He had dirty blonde hair and a clean-shaven face that looked a little too innocent for someone to be in a rock band. Your exact type— one with the boy next door appeal, someone you’d want to bring home to introduce to your parents. Wanda was so sure you were crushing on the bassist but as soon as he followed your line of sight, she almost choked on her own spit.

You weren’t eyeing the bassist, instead, you were completely focused on the lead guitarist. You were so enamored by this guy that you failed to notice Wanda gushing over the fact that you were enamored by someone who was the complete opposite of your type.

It was the lead guitarist who caught your attention. The one with long hair tied into a low, messy man bun, his stray locks framing his perfectly chiseled face. It wasn’t only the hair that made you look at him, it was also his left arm— it was covered entirely with tattoos. And then he started playing the guitar and good god, his fingers were something else.

It was rare for you to have certain thoughts, the kind that would make you sweat in church. And thank fuck for Wanda finally snapping you out of your filthy trance because if she hadn’t, you would’ve seriously drowned in your not so pure thoughts.

“I can’t believe you’re attracted to that guy. This makes me so excited, honestly.” Wanda squealed.

“Huh?” You played dumb of course. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wanda snorted out loud, “I just witnessed you drool over the guitarist for a good five minutes. Stop denying.” She said.

You rolled your eyes, “Maybe I did. And so what? It’s not like I’m gonna act on it.”

“You have to fuck him.” Wanda casually suggested, making you choke on your drink.

You weren’t a prude but you didn’t like the idea of hooking up with people, most especially strangers. You weren’t going to lie though, it did cross your mind. Obviously, the way his fingers moved on his guitar really threw your brain down the gutter. Sure, you might have wondered what it’d be like to have those fingers on you but again, would you act on it? Hell no.

“It’s just one night. Live a little, come on. And you getting attracted to someone like him? That’s once in a blue moon, all the more you need to bring him home.” Wanda said.

“One night stands don’t really work well for me and you know that. The first time I tried that was also the last time because I ended up getting attached. And how did that end? Terrible. So no, thank you. Never again.” You told Wanda.

Fortunately, Wanda stopped bugging you about fucking the guitarist. It wasn’t really a big deal, it was nothing but a moment of admiration. You were hell-bent on going home anyway, well, maybe after his band finishes their first song. Besides, he wouldn’t notice you so why bother staying?

“Oh my god, he’s looking at you!” Wanda almost screamed, slapping at your arm until you turned to the stage.

And holy fuck. He was really looking at you. Why though? You even looked behind you to make sure it was you he was staring at and when you turned back at him, he smirked and threw a wink at your way.

“You know what, I think I’m gonna head home.” You said, not knowing how to act.

Wanda pulled you back down when you stood up, “Oh no, honey. No one’s going home this early.” She said. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint him, would you?” She quickly added, tipping her head towards the stage.

When you looked up at the guitarist, he was still looking at you as he played. This time, he was actually pouting, as if pleading for you to stay. You quickly avoided his gaze and although it was dimly lit in the bar, you still bowed your head to hide the blush creeping up to your face.

You managed to survive the entire setlist of the band despite the flirty smiles and winks that the guitarist gave you. Wanda was ecstatic about it, it made you wonder if she was actually the one crushing on the guy. As soon as the last song was done, you excused yourself and hurried into the bathroom to compose yourself.

It was the first time that you experienced such attraction towards a guy like him. You always went with the good boys, so why were you so drawn to this guy who looked nothing but trouble? You were in denial, this was totally out of your comfort zone so you shook the thoughts away and promised yourself (again) that you’d head home this time. For real.

“There you are.”

You gasped out loud when you stepped out of the bathroom, quickly colliding against a solid chest when you heard his voice. It was low yet gentle, soft-spoken but sinful.

“I’m sorry?” You sputtered out, bowing down your head to avoid the lead guitarist’s gaze.

“I thought you left already.” He said. “I’m Bucky, by the way.” He introduced, extending his left arm for a handshake.

Your eyes landed on his tattooed arm, despite the ink covering it all up you could actually see his veins.

“And I’m going home.” You quickly shook Bucky’s hand, ignoring the electricity that ran through your veins and brushed past him, eyes scanning the bar for Wanda.

Bucky jogged ahead of you, blocking your way and chuckling to himself. “Don’t I at least get a name?” He asked.

You were internally screaming, but you managed to mention your name just so he would leave you alone. Sure, he was hot and he was actually flirting with you. But your fear of the unknown outweighed your attraction. You weren’t ready to step out of your comfort zone. Yet.

Bucky trailed behind you as you looked for Wanda, cursing to yourself when you couldn’t spot her anywhere. You took out your phone and called her immediately.

“Wanda? Where are you?” You hiss into the phone.

Bucky watched you with amusement and it was making you uncomfortable. He was just staring at you with a grin on his handsome face. And now, you just discovered that Wanda left you.

“What?! But why?! You’re my ride home! Come back and pick me up!” You exclaim into the phone, unable to believe that Wanda just ditched you.

“You can’t— hello? Wanda? Hello?” You groaned in frustration when your friend ended the call.

“I’d love to offer you a ride home but it’s too early, so how ‘bout I just buy you a drink?” Bucky asked, flashing you a charming smile that made your knees weak.

Part of you wanted to give in and just say, fuck it, let Bucky do whatever he wants with you. The reasonable part of your brain though, highly opposed to this and pulled on the alarms. This guy probably just wants to get you into his bed and although it doesn’t sound that bad, you worried more for what could happen afterwards. You weren’t ready for a repeat of the past. You were too emotional, you had too many strings and they get attached way too quickly.

“No, thank you.” You told Bucky and headed outside the bar, deciding to book an Uber instead.

Bucky was persevering though and followed you out, blocking your way into the sidewalk and snatching your phone away.

“Hey, give me my phone back!” You exclaimed.

“The night is young, c’mon. Why are you so aloof anyway?” Bucky asked.

“Because I don’t know you?” You responded.

Bucky chuckled, “Have you ever heard about making friends? I mean, pretty much everyone you meet starts off as a stranger. And it’s not like I’m a serial killer or anything. I’m not gonna rob you but I most certainly won’t give you your phone back until I convince you to stay a while.” He said and god, he was too charming for your own good.

He made a good point about making friends. You couldn’t even remember the last time you made a new one. Bucky could see the gears in your head working as you stared at him, cheeks flushed and lips parted in deep thought.

“So, what do you say? Stay a while? Keep me company. It’ll be fun.” Bucky insisted.

“Why me?” You blurted out.

It wasn’t that you were insecure, but you were way too different from Bucky. You didn’t seem like his type, but then again, he wasn’t your type either. Until the moment you saw him on stage.

“Why not?” Bucky responded as if he couldn’t believe you just asked him that question.

“Do you ask that every time someone flirts with you? Besides, it’s not everyday that someone like you stared at me like that.” He teased.

Fuck, so he noticed you drooling over him. Quick! Think of a way out, you told yourself.

“Someone like me? What did you mean by that?” You asked, sounding offended.

Bucky’s eyes widened and shook his head, “I didn’t mean for it to sound like it’s a bad thing. I mean, you come in here wearing a chiffon blouse and a pencil skirt and expect me not to notice? I’m actually flattered that a girl, no...a woman...was ogling me. Definitely piqued my interest.” He explained.

That was a compliment, right? The sirens in your head grew louder at the way Bucky was easily throwing you compliments. He must be used to flirting his way into women’s panties, huh? 

“I wasn’t ogling you.” You defended even though you were, looking away from his eyes.

“Sure, you weren’t.” Bucky teased. “Loosen up, will ya? When was the last time you had fun anyway?” He asked.

“Depends on your definition of fun.” You retorted.

“You know what I mean.” Bucky sighed.

“Well, my idea of fun doesn’t involve a guitarist getting me into his bed for a one night stand.” You blurted out, mindlessly.

Bucky made a face and clutched his chest, “Ouch. You went hard on that judgment, I’m not gonna lie, that kinda stings.”

Okay, now you felt bad for jumping to conclusions. Bucky did look like he was hurt from your brash statement. Fuck, he probably thought you were one of those stereotypical bitches! It wasn’t entirely your fault, right? You were just being careful. Were you? Or was it purely overthinking? Your brain was moving all too fast but Bucky quickly distracted you when he took your hand and placed your phone back onto your palm.

“You know, I think I get it why you said that and I honestly can’t blame you. A band dude flirts with you just like that, understandable why you thought that I wanted to get into your pants.” He explained much to your relief.

“I’m sorry, it was tasteless for me to judge you like that.” You quickly apologized, genuinely feeling like a terrible person.

Bucky smiled at you, “Nah, you had every right. I’m sorry if I was too forward but I do really want to spend some time to get to know you. So how about a little proposal?”

There was a glint in Bucky’s eyes that made your heart flutter and your brain go into overdrive. You knew it was a bad idea to give in to Bucky. Someone as charming as him might really be up to no good. Sure, you felt bad for judging him based on his looks. But something in your gut tells you that he was trouble.

“What proposal?” You asked curiously.

“Spend the next twelve hours with me.” Bucky suggested.

You frowned, “What?”

Bucky took your phone again, but only to check the time. “It’s a little past eleven now, I promise you’ll be home before noon tomorrow. Come with me, let loose for once and let’s spend the entire night together. Twelve hours, that’s it.” He said excitedly.

“And I don’t mean have sex with me.” Bucky explained immediately.  “We’ll just hang out, it’s a wholesome proposal. But if you do want to have sex with me, I’m not gonna turn that down. I’m just saying, it’s not my motive but I won’t be saying no to it either.” He reassured.

You felt hot all of a sudden at how Bucky casually talked about having sex with you. It made you feel feverish and for someone who wasn’t really a sexual person, it made you feel like you were about to commit a major sin just by listening to Bucky talk like that.

Bucky beamed at you cutely, waiting for your response and honestly, with how his doe eyes were looking at you like that, was it even possible to say no? Despite the continuous alarms in your head and your inner prude begging you to stay within the confines of your comfort zone, you decided to do something for a change.

So you said yes.

You were spending the next twelve hours with Bucky and you could only hope that you wouldn’t regret it.

-

The night started off slow, thankfully, with Bucky ushering you back into the bar for a couple of drinks. You had to remind yourself to still be alert for any red flags that might show up sooner or later. You knew you were being a bit paranoid, but to hell, it would be better that way than to make mistakes tonight.

“Where do you work?” Bucky asked before calling the waiter.

“I work at a bank.” You told him.

The waiter arrived and took your orders, a tall glass of mojito for you and a rum and coke for Bucky. He asked you a couple more things, where you graduated, your hobbies and what you often did during your weekends. All of which you had pretty boring responses to. Bucky listened though and he didn’t seem bored too, what a relief.

“Are you really sure about spending twelve hours just like this?” You asked, taking another sip from your second glass of mojito.

Bucky snickered, “We won’t be talking the entire night, did you really think I’d ask for your twelve hours just to talk?” He asked.

“What are you planning then?” You asked nervously.

Bucky offered you an amused smile, “Nothing illegal so stop worrying, pretty lady. I can see the gears in your head turning.” He said and leaned forward to smoothen out the crease in between your brows with his thumb.

“Come on, time to have fun.” He said and got up, offering you his hand.

You haven’t even recovered from how gentle Bucky was when he touched your forehead. And now here he was, standing over you with his tattooed arm extended, waiting for you to take his hand.

“I don’t bite.” He stated.

Letting out a sigh, you finished up your drink and stood up, slipping your hand into Bucky’s. He smiled at you, lifting your hand up to his face and pressing a kiss on it before winking.

“See? I told you, I don’t bite.”

You cleared your throat and pursed your lips, biting back a smile as Bucky tugged you as he walked out of the bar, keeping your hand in his the entire time. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all?

“Here.” Bucky said, handing you over his helmet.

It was then that you realized that he was about to give you a ride. On his motorcycle. The sirens in your head went off once again, bringing you back to your usual tensed state.

“Oh, no. Look, I know I said yes to your proposal but I’m not going to ride on that.” You disagreed and took a step back.

Bucky looked disappointed but shrugged anyway, placing the helmet back on the bike. “Fine. I’ll let you off this time, just because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Come with me.” He said and took your hand in his again as the both of you went back inside the bar.

He brought you towards the booth where the rest of his band were staying at. They all looked at you with smirks on their faces when Bucky introduced you to them.

“That’s Nat, our vocalist. Sam here is our drummer and Steve the bassist.” He said.

You gave them a polite smile and a quick wave. Bucky threw his keys over at Steve, who was supposed to be your type. Wanda thought so and you were just weirded out that you happen to be drawn towards Bucky instead.

“Hey punk, switch your car for my bike? Just for tonight.” Bucky said.

Steve looked so done with his request but shook his head in defeat as he fished his keys out of his pocket. He pointed at Bucky threateningly, “Don’t mess up my car, jerk. You know what I mean by that.” He said before throwing his own keys over at Bucky who caught it with ease.

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. Thanks, pal!” Bucky bid goodbyes and pulled you again before you could even say your own goodbyes to his bandmates.

Now, you were inside Steve’s car with Bucky and you were nervous as fuck. Although you did find it considerate of Bucky to borrow his friend’s car to make things comfortable for you. You were going to admit that, but it made your heart flutter. You mentally snorted at yourself because fuck, the bar is set pretty low alright.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Bucky asked, noticing how you tensed up all of a sudden.

“Do we have rules?” You asked.

“This night is all about letting loose and the first thing you thought of are rules?” Bucky laughed.

“I’m about to spend the next twelve hours with a complete stranger, of course I’d be worried! What if—“

“Okay, calm down!” Bucky said, turning in his seat to face you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“If it’ll make you less tense then fine, I’ll come up with rules. Number one is to stop worrying.” Bucky said, rubbing your arms up and down and you were supposed to feel uncomfortable with the intimacy but you didn’t.

There was no malice to it and it made you panic all the more because ugh, Bucky was making you all soft and vulnerable around him. You could hear Wanda inside your head, commanding you to just calm down and go with the flow. You took in a deep breath and composed yourself.

“You gotta learn to trust people. I promise you, we won’t be getting in any trouble. I’ll take good care of you.” Bucky said, letting your arms go and tipping your chin so you’d look at him.

“Rule two, no what ifs. Just focus on the present, okay? If you keep worrying about what could happen, you’ll miss out on the now. Trust me, you wouldn’t want that.” Something about the change in Bucky’s eyes when he said that made you curious.

He was on to something, like he really meant it. You wanted to ask him about it, hell, you should start asking him for more information. If he wanted to get to know you better then you should attempt to do the same to him too.

“Last rule is to just enjoy. Like I said, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You trust me now?” Bucky asked with hopeful eyes.

The alarms in your head still kept going, but as you gazed back at Bucky, the softer they were becoming. You could feel yourself start to give in and you know what? It actually doesn’t sound so bad anymore. Maybe this would help with your attachment issues? This will probably teach you how to have fun with no attachments. Take things for what they are and just enjoy.

“Hey, will you trust me?” Bucky asked again.

“Yeah, yeah I will.”

-

1:15AM

Bucky took you to a hole in the wall open mic bar. It was a small place and everyone there seemed to know each other. And when Bucky arrived, everyone just greeted him and welcomed you there.

“You seem pretty popular here.” You told him as he led you to one of the seats near the makeshift stage.

“I spend a lot of time here.” He said and called over the guy by the bar.

“Hey Happy! Wanna introduce you to a special friend.” He said. The man approached your table and greeted you with a smile.

“Must be really special, you never bring anyone here.” Happy said, making you blush uncontrollably.

Bucky bit his lip as he turned to you, “Do you sing?” He asked.

You quickly shook your head, “Oh god, no. I don’t have the talent.” You said.

Happy chuckled, “That wouldn’t be a problem, trust me.” He reassured.

Bucky lifted an eyebrow at you, “Wanna go up there and sing with me?”

“Bucky, no.” You laughed, shaking your head. “I’m not doing that.”

“Come on, no one’s gonna judge you. Let loose, remember? And if anyone here laughs at you, I’ll be the first to punch them in the face.” He promised.

You thought for a while, keeping your eyes on Bucky. Fuck this. You called Happy and requested for a shot of tequila.

“That’s my girl! Just needs a little bit of liquid courage, huh?”

You snorted, “Oh that’s not for me. That’s for you. You’re gonna need it if you’ll be hearing me sing.”

You never performed in front of a crowd, well, back in high school maybe for some school plays. But hell, you were never the center of attention and whenever you had to be, you always experienced a panic attack. But now being on stage with Bucky behind you, playing the guitar as you sang (screeched actually), you’d never felt more alive and relaxed. True enough, no one cared about how off tune you were. In fact, you got a lot of cheers from the crowd.

2:45AM

“You hungry?” Bucky asked.

You couldn’t believe it, you’ve been singing on stage the entire time at the bar. You’d like to believe that it was probably the alcohol running in your veins, but you weren’t that drunk. Tipsy, maybe but definitely not drunk. It was fun, you were surprised at how much you enjoyed singing with Bucky and everybody else. You made a couple of new friends aside from Happy, talked to them and even exchanged numbers with a few. This was the most sociable you’ve ever been.

“I could use some carbs right now.” You laughed, wiping off the sweat on your forehead.

Bucky reached out to fix your hair, moving away the sweaty strands sticking onto your cheeks and tucking them behind your ear. He flashed you that oh so charming smile again and good god, Bucky was truly something else.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” He said.

Bucky drove to a 24-hour food truck somewhere. It was close to 3am but you didn’t feel exhausted, which was shocking given that you’ve been dying to go home a few hours ago before meeting Bucky and agreeing to go on an escapade with him. You could already hear Wanda squealing over the phone once you tell her everything.

The both of you ordered some soft tacos and sat on one of the benches beside the food truck.

“Enjoying so far?” Bucky asked with interest.

You nodded enthusiastically, your mouth full of food as you devoured your tacos. “Very much.” You admitted.

Bucky’s eyes crinkled as he laughed along with you, obviously pleased that you were enjoying yourself. Not long ago, twelve hours seemed a bit too long. Now, they felt too short. You could feel your brain begin to overthink what would happen once the the twelve hours are over, but you quickly shook them away and followed Bucky’s advice to focus on the present.

The two of you continued to talk as you ate. You discovered that Bucky and his bandmates go way back and that they’ve been performing since their days at the university. You also found out that Bucky’s last relationship ended six years ago and that he hasn’t dated anyone since then. You found out a lot of things about Bucky, most of which were far from your first impressions.

“Why’d your friend leave you at the bar?” Bucky asked, taking out a cigarette and putting it in his mouth.

You watched him with hazy eyes as he lighted the cigarette, puffing out a thin line of smoke with ease. You were always drawn to Bucky’s fingers and initially, it was because of the impure thoughts they made you think about. But more than that, they were the gentlest you’d ever seen.

“Probably to get me to have fun.” You responded, looking away timidly when Bucky noticed you staring at his hands.

“She’s gonna be very proud of you after this.” He said.

You nodded and breathed out a chuckle, “Oh, for sure.” You said before turning to Bucky. “Can I try?” You asked, motioning towards his cigarette.

“I haven’t smoked. Ever.” You admitted.

Bucky grinned and passed you the cigarette. “Go on.” He urged and kept his eyes on you as you brought the cigarette up to your lips.

The way Bucky watched you was intimidating in the sense that it felt intimate. It wasn’t like he was eye-fucking you or anything, his eyes were just too...expressive? They held a certain softness to them, a bit of sadness too when you look at it closely. They were the bluest, most beautiful color you’ve seen and they were captivating.

You ended up in a coughing fit from that first drag. Bucky chuckled and took the cigarette from your hand, patting your back as you continued to cough.

“Definitely not for me.” You frowned and took a sip from your iced tea.

“At least you tried. I’m proud of you.” Bucky said, the gentle pats on your back slowing down until his hand remained still.

“You good?” He asked again, sliding his hand lower until he reached the small of your back, but not low enough to make you uncomfortable.

You nodded, “What else is up in your sleeve?” You asked with interest.

“Well, I really wanted to take you on a ride on my bike but I guess that’s for next time.” Bucky confessed.

“Next time?” You asked and you tried not to be hopeful.

“Yeah, next time. We’ll do that next time.” Bucky said and he sounded so sure that you began to worry.

Will there really be a next time? At this point, Bucky could read you like an open book because he chuckled and pressed his thumb against the crease on your forehead again.

“You’re doing it again, whatever you’re worrying about just forget it for now.” He said, soothing out your crease before pinching your nose.

You scrunched your nose making Bucky lightly laugh. He checked the time on his phone and let out a sigh.

3:43AM

“Can I bring you back to my place?”

-

If you told Wanda that you ended up in Bucky’s place, she would freak out and ask for all the details. But no, you didn’t come home with Bucky for that reason. As he promised, it wasn’t his motive to get you into his bed and he seemed to be genuine about it.

Bucky lived in a small studio-type loft. It wasn’t the penthouse kind with the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the city. It was simple and minimalistic, with just a few pieces of furniture. What Bucky owned were a couple of guitars— different kinds of them, and an electric keyboard.

“It’s not much and I don’t even have a bed frame, I hope you won’t judge me for that.” Bucky said, scratching his neck as he led you inside.

“No, not at all. It’s very cozy in here, actually.” You said, looking around and taking in your surroundings.

Bucky had a lot of indoor plants, you definitely didn’t think of him as a plant guy. As you let your eyes wander, something white zoomed past your vision. A cat.

Bucky also owned a cat.

“This is Alpine.” Bucky said, picking up the feline and carrying it onto his shoulder.

As if Bucky and his plants didn’t make him attractive enough, he really had to own a white cat. You could feel yourself internally screaming about how you haven’t been seeing any red flags. If any, you’ve been seeing green flags pop out every now and then that it was pretty alarming. Strangely, the sirens in your head died down as if they’ve given up on warning you.

Or maybe, there was really nothing to warn about Bucky.

The cat purred and nuzzled its nose into Bucky’s neck and you couldn’t believe that you got jealous for a brief second. Oh, to be cat against Bucky’s chest.

“Feel free to look around, I’ll get you water.” He said, bringing Alpine with him into the kitchen.

You walked around his place and observed the surroundings. He was very organized, more than you actually. You could hear Bucky talk to Alpine and it was the most adorable thing you’d ever seen.

A couple of picture frames that sat on Bucky’s bedside table caught your eye. They were photos of him with his mom you assumed, and three more girls.

“Those are my mom and younger sisters.” Bucky said, appearing behind you with a glass of water.

You thanked him as you took the glass and sat down on his bed, “Where are they?” You asked before drinking.

Alpine jumped into your lap and purred, making Bucky laugh with delight as he sat next to you. His parents were back in his hometown together with his sisters. Bucky told you everything about his family and how close he was to his sisters, how they were supportive of him when he decided to become a musician. Then Bucky went on to showcase his guitar collection, telling you the lovely stories behind each of them. You could see how passionate Bucky was for his craft and it was a wonderful thing to witness. You were envious how Bucky pursued his passion, how he took huge risks to get to where he was now.

“And this is my favorite one.” Bucky said, taking a black electric guitar with him as he went back to sit down next to you.

“First one I bought with my own money. It’s old and doesn’t sound as nice as my newer ones, but I love it.” He said and started plucking at the strings.

Alpine hopped off from your lap and went to sleep onto his tiny little bed beside Bucky’s couch. You focused on Bucky’s fingers as he played the guitar. It took you back to the moment you saw him onstage, how those fingers made you wonder about certain things. They moved gracefully against the cords, plucking with ease producing the most wonderful music. You really needed to snap out of your filthy thoughts.

Bucky played the guitar for you, singing some lyrics once in a while. You noticed his tattoos again and stared a bit longer, trying to decipher each design wrapped around his arm. Some were huge, some intricate more than the rest. They were all of different designs but molded together so perfectly.

You had to admit, you didn’t find tattoos attractive before. But on Bucky, it looked like a masterpiece. He himself, was a piece of art with his chiseled jawline and steel blue eyes that made you feel at home.

“I’ve been meaning to ask...” you softly trailed.

Bucky hummed in response, his attention focused on his guitar as he continued to play.

“Your tattoos, do they mean something?” You asked.

“I got them to cover up the scars from an accident.” Bucky looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” You quickly apologized.

Bucky smiled reassuringly, “It’s fine. It was a turning point for me.” He said, setting his guitar aside.

“It really puts things into perspective you know. I crashed my bike one night, I wasn’t drunk, mind you.” He chuckled. “It was pretty bad, my left arm suffered the most. I almost got decapitated but here I am. I got scars all over, really ugly scars so I had them covered up with a tattoo sleeve.” Bucky explained, extending his left arm and looking at it.

“For a while, I wasn’t able to play music. And I hated every second of it. Hated seeing the scars on my arm and how they reminded me of the accident. But you learn to live with it. At least I did, I learned to turn the negative into something positive.”

Now that he said that, you could actually see some of the scars beneath the ink. Bucky shrugged and continued with his story.

“The doctors said I was lucky that I didn’t die. Living my second life now, I realized that I gotta make the most out of it. Focus on the present and enjoy what comes your way. Take risks. Do what scares you.” He explained and now you understood.

You understood why Bucky appeared to be so laid-back and carefree, why he doesn’t worry a lot about the future. He almost lost his life so now he was living it to the fullest. He was living in the present, enjoying every second of it.

“Every time I see my tattoos, I get reminded of my second chance at life and how I shouldn’t waste it.” He said.

Bucky saw the look in your face, how guilty you looked from judging him right away. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger, tipping it up to make you look at him.

“So when I noticed that bored pretty office girl in the audience checking me out, I didn’t waste the opportunity to get to know her. See where it goes, who knows if I’d still be alive tomorrow but at least I shoot my shot.” He said, making you chuckle.

Everything went still in that moment, your usually noisy mind included. Time seemed to have stopped as you gazed into Bucky’s eyes. Biting your lip, you gave in and totally let down your walls.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Bucky asked, doing the same thing with his thumb, soothing the crease in between your brows.

This time, he didn’t take his hand back and allowed it to rest against your cheek before sliding down to your jaw and neck. His thumb began to caress the spot beneath your ear, waiting for you to respond to his question.

What Bucky got was more than just a simple response.

“Fuck it.” You whispered before pressing your lips onto Bucky’s.

All your life you played it safe— from your college course to your choice of career. You weren’t one to take risks either and whenever you needed to, they were always calculated. You did things carefully, making sure that you’d get the results you were expecting to save you from disappointment. The unknown scared you and so does uncertainty. You liked staying in your comfort zone but as much as you’ve been denying it, it was starting to get boring.

You also said you weren’t one to entertain a stranger, let alone hook-up with one. But then Bucky comes along with his long hair and tattooed arm, looking like trouble but bringing you none. You’d think that he just wanted to get into your pants but as he showered you with gentle kisses and feathery touches, you realized that Bucky might be different and that he was so much more than just the hot lead guitarist of a band.

Bucky’s calloused fingers perfectly contrasted the smooth expanse of your skin. They felt rough but remained gentle as they moved along your chest, as they danced along your back, as they stroked your inner walls. And his lips, they were tender and soft; they whispered nothing but promises and praises against your ear as your bodies moved in unison.

His eyes remained on you, taking all of your nakedness in, literally and figuratively. He watched you closely, with those blue eyes of his that always made you blush. Bucky’s eyes were truly mesmerizing, no matter how much you wanted to look away from embarrassment, you couldn’t. You felt trapped in those eyes, and you never want to leave.

And his left arm— you could feel the ridges of his scars as you let your hands feel his skin. But they weren’t ugly, didn’t feel weird against the pads of your fingers. His arm offered nothing but warmth and support when you reached your high and came crashing down. His arms caught you and protected you, his embrace was reassuring and it made you feel safe.

5:58AM

The city was quiet and the sun was barely up. Alpine was still curled up on his bed, sleeping. You were exhausted but satisfied and comfortable as you laid on your stomach, head turned and facing Bucky as you listened to him talk.

He was talking about his band’s first performance in college, laughing when he said that he almost threw up from being so nervous. Bucky had the softest voice in the wee hours of dawn, you loved listening to him. Lucky you, Bucky had been talking about anything and everything until the dark skies began to change its hues. He shared his dreams and his secrets and you admired him more and more.

“You should come to our rehearsals.” He suggested, letting a hand trace patterns on your bare back.

“Sounds nice.” You yawned, blinking your eyes in an attempt to keep them open.

“What do you want for brunch?” Bucky asked, almost mumbling from being half-asleep.

You hummed, “By the time we wake up, it might be close to dinner.” You joked.

“Breakfast food is way better during dinner. Want me to cook for you?” Bucky said before yawning.

Your eyes were lidded as you took in Bucky’s form. He was laying beside you, long hair messed up and lips swollen pink from kissing. He looked unreal as a sliver of sunlight managed to peek through his curtains, embracing his body with its warm glow. The sun was now fully up, witnessing the tender aftermath of your intimacy with Bucky as he reached out to brush his knuckle along your cheekbone.

“I’m surprised you can cook.” You said softly, close to falling asleep.

“I’m pretty good at it.” Bucky chuckled before leaning in to kiss your forehead.

“I’ll cook for you when we wake up.” 

Bucky’s soft lips against yours was the last thing you felt before sleep took over.

-

12:24PM

A soft purr paired with soft paws on his face stirred Bucky awake. He groaned at Alpine when she meowed right into his face. Must be feeding time, he thought.

Bucky gently moved Alpine aside and turned, only to be met by a cold, empty space beside him. He sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes before quickly scanning his apartment for you.

You were gone.

And judging by the cold sheets on your side of the bed, you’d left hours ago. Bucky sighed in disappointment as he got up, putting on his boxers and quickly checking the bathroom. He hoped you’d be there, but you weren’t.

You didn’t even leave a note.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He wanted to cook for you, really. He wanted to bring you to his band’s rehearsals, maybe even write a song for you.

He wanted more than twelve hours with you.

-

Wanda had been on your ass for days now. When you told her about your twelve hours with Bucky, she was happy and proud. By the time you got to the end of it, she was fuming and was close to actually physically hurting you.

She wouldn’t stop bugging you about it, demanding you to at least look Bucky up on Facebook or Instagram. Wanda believed that what you and Bucky shared that night was special, something real and not just a one-time thing.

You woke up that morning, feeling sore but happy. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach when you opened your eyes to the sight of Bucky sleeping peacefully beside you. He seemed to be dreaming, his brows creased and lips pursed.

Reaching out, you did what Bucky kept on doing to you whenever you were worrying. You pressed your thumb against his forehead, soothing out the crease as gentle as you could so as not to wake him up. Bucky stirred in his sleep and unconsciously took your hand in his, pressing a kiss onto your palm before falling back into his slumber.

And that’s when it started; the alarms in your head went off and they were the loudest they’ve ever been. You were almost deafened by it, your logic drowning beneath your panicked thoughts as you got up from bed. You dressed up in a hurry, grabbing your things and phone to book yourself a ride home. Alpine woke up and ran over to your legs, purring as if begging you not to go.

You refused to look back and went straight for the door.

One and a half week later, here you were still feeling like the most terrible person on the entire planet. You had searched for Bucky online, of course. You just didn’t tell Wanda that but it was the first thing that you did upon going home. There were instances when you were tempted to send him a DM, or add him up on Facebook but you never did. 

That one night with Bucky changed everything, it changed you. You immediately filed for a resignation, realizing that you were no longer happy working for the bank. It was a spur of the moment decision but you knew it was the right one. You didn’t even know where to apply next or what career to pursue. But you weren’t worried like you had expected to be.

Bucky taught you to take risks, to not fear the unknown because things will eventually fall into place. You felt good though, that you were slowly learning to step out of your comfort zone. But something was amiss and you knew what it was. Or who it was.

You just weren’t ready to admit it yet.

-

It was around nine in the evening when you went to the grocery store for a last minute shopping decision. Wanda was coming over for a movie night and apparently, you didn’t have any snacks left.

Finishing your list, you turned at the corner of an aisle and collided with somebody. Your apology died on your tongue when you looked up to see a familiar face.

Steve.

“Hi.” You softly greeted, wondering if he would even remember you.

He frowned at you and you were surprised that he remembered you and actually knew about that night.

“Why’d you leave Bucky just like that?” He asked right away.

You swallowed and avoided his gaze, “It was...it’s not a big deal. It was a one-time thing anyway.” You lied through your teeth.

Steve scoffed, “It didn’t seem like a one-time thing when Bucky came to our rehearsals the next day feeling bummed out.” He explained and sighed afterwards, shaking his head.

“Look, I’m in no position to interfere. I don’t know you and why you did that so who am I to judge? But I know Bucky. He isn’t what you think he is.” Steve said.

“I know.” You whispered.

“Then why’d you leave?” Steve asked again but didn’t wait for a response.

“Bucky may come off a little too strong, he’s straightforward and passionate. He gives it his all and that night with you...he gave everything. He was really hurt when you left.”

You were unable to speak because fuck, you messed up big time. You didn’t know that Bucky was going to feel that way when you left. You got scared and ran away even when there was nothing to be afraid of. Steve must have noticed your guilt and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“We’re playing tonight at the music bar. You have the chance to make things right.” Steve said and offered you a small smile before leaving.

You stood in the grocery store while in deep thoughts. Again, your mind was all kinds of messed up and your thoughts were fighting for dominance. There were sirens going on and off and fuck, it was all driving you insane. Your heart began to race when you felt an impending sense of doom wash over you. You were panicking and you were fighting so hard to calm your nerves.

And then you remembered Bucky that night and how he was quick to silence your brain with a simple yet comforting gesture.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

A thumb on your forehead to soothe your worries. Those steel blue eyes providing you comfort, and that charming smile that never failed to reassure you.

You quickly called Wanda.

“Movie night is cancelled!”

-

The dimly lit music bar welcomed you with a sense of familiarity. It had been more than a week since your encounter with Bucky and yet it felt like it was only yesterday.

Smiling to yourself, you remembered how tensed you were when Bucky first approached you. You were so defensive, you had your walls built up high but Bucky managed to bring them down. It didn’t even take him the full twelve hours to do so.

The music bar was full with no vacant spot near the stage. The current band just finished their song and was preparing to exit. You squeezed your way to the front, ignoring the complaints of people you slightly pushed away. A familiar voice greeted the crowd a good evening before introducing their band.

Your breath hitched when you spotted Bucky onstage. His hair was down and he was sporting a little bit of scruff. You watched him play his guitar but something was different. He wasn’t as passionate as he used to be, like he wasn’t focused. He almost looked like he didn’t want to be there. And his eyes, they were empty and void of any emotion. No mischievous glint in them, no nothing.

It broke your heart seeing Bucky like this, especially that you knew you were the reason for it.

It took a while for Bucky to look up and scan the crowd and when he finally did, his eyes immediately met yours.

Just like the first time, you felt your face heat up from the eye contact. Bucky was surprised to see you, you saw how his eyes widened at the sight of you. He was quick to recover though, he looked away and focused on playing the guitar instead.

As soon as his band exited the stage, you wasted no time to approach them. Steve greeted you with a nod before calling for Nat and Sam, asking for them accompany him to the bar to give you some privacy. Bucky refused to look at you as he gathered his stuff, preparing to leave.

“Can we talk?” You asked.

“I’m heading home.” Bucky curtly responded and brushed past you.

The tables have turned with you walking ahead of him to block his way.

“The night is young, stay a while and keep me company?” You used his line and Bucky was having none of it.

He scoffed and shook his head, “I’m surprised you remembered what I said. I mean, after you just disappeared I assumed you’d completely forgotten about that night.”

“I didn’t.” You told him. “Can we please talk?” You pleaded.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know, I really wanna go home.” He said.

Your hands balled into fists at your sides, “Give me twelve minutes.” You offered.

“Just twelve minutes of your time. Please, Bucky.”

-

The two of you stepped outside the bar for some silence. Bucky walked over to his bike, leaning against it as he looked at you coldly. Those eyes used to gaze at you with warmth, but now they were blank and cold.

“Time is ticking.” He said when you kept mum.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappear like that.” You said, looking down at your feet.

How else were you going to say your piece? You had practiced your speech on the way to the bar and now that Bucky was in front of you, you couldn’t even look at him from shame.

Bucky scoffed, “You asked me for twelve minutes and that’s all you’re gonna say? You’re sorry? Just that?” He bitterly chuckled, running a hand over his scruff.

“If you didn’t mean it then why did you leave? You left me without any warning. I honestly thought there was something between us. After everything that happened, how could you just walk away like that? You led me on, didn’t you?” Bucky angrily asked.

“I didn’t! I swear, I didn’t but I got scared!” You admitted.

“Scared of what?” He asked. “Scared of me? Because I’m not the kind of guy you usually go for? You really couldn’t get rid of that first impression, huh?” He said and turned around.

“That’s not the reason why. Everything scared me because that night was something else. You were too good to be true, Bucky! That’s what scared me!” You told him.

Bucky turned around, his brows creased, “What?”

When you woke up that morning, everything seemed perfect. The past twelve hours you had spent with Bucky were wonderful and you loved every second of it. You enjoyed too much and the thought of it being a one-time thing really broke your heart.

You had attachment issues and you thought that giving in to Bucky would help you learn to enjoy things as they were. But it didn’t and made it even worse because you got attached, so fucking attached.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of ending those twelve hours with a permanent goodbye so I left. You suddenly talked about next time and tomorrow and it was...it was overwhelming for me. My fear got the best of me because that night was too good. You were too good.”

Bucky’s expression softened after hearing your side. Now you felt stupid for overthinking things. It was selfish on your part to assume that those twelve hours meant nothing to Bucky.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized softly. “That night meant everything to me, Bucky. I just wasn’t ready to find out whether it meant the same to you.” You confessed with a sigh.

Bucky stayed quiet after your confession. You could feel your bile rising, you wanted to throw up. Hell, you wanted to just faint and forget about everything. If Bucky wouldn’t give you a second chance, you’d understand him. You did a pretty shitty thing to him anyway.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

You lifted your gaze upon hearing that line. Bucky’s eyes had their warmth back and his expression was no longer stoic. He pushed himself away from his bike and approached you, reaching out to soothe the crease on your forehead.

“It’s not everyday that I find myself in the company of a stranger who made me feel things. I’ve always been a traditional one, I take things slow and I’ve been very careful. When I felt something during those twelve hours, I was caught off guard. I never felt so strongly for someone I just met and it was all new to me and I panicked.” You confessed.

“You were out of my comfort zone and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t mean to disappear like that, Bucky.”

You were met with pure silence after your admission. When you looked up at Bucky, you couldn’t read his expression. Thinking that he wasn’t buying your explanation, you let out a bitter chuckle and shrugged.

“I guess that’s it. Twelve minutes. No more no less. I just wanted you to know that, Bucky. And I’m really, really sorry.” You said and slowly backed away, ready to leave.

“Hey.” Bucky called out, approaching you.

“If I asked you to spend the next twelve hours with me again, where would you go after?” He asked.

Was this a test? You didn’t know how to respond and Bucky seemed to have caught up on that and let out a breathy chuckle.

“Will you stay until the morning this time?” He asked. “‘Cause I was pretty disappointed when I woke up to an empty bed. I had our brunch planned out, you know?”

The mischievous glint in Bucky’s eyes was back. You bit back a smile when Bucky cradled your head into his palm, thumb circling the skin on your neck.

You timidly nodded, tilting your head up to meet Bucky’s lips in a searing kiss that promised you another twelve hours together. And more.

“No more running off in the morning.”

-

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007 @bonkywobble @lost-in-the-stars03 @its-yasbxtch @whoth3hellisbucky @5-seconds-of-mendes​ 

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

KAORU PERSONAL INTERVIEW SPECIAL HEADBANG VOL.27 TRANSLATION ½

The ideal figure that the guitarist who leads the band as a leader got while struggling, and the reason for his unstoppable pursuit. “When we released "CLEVER SLEAZOID", we were still chasing an ideal, and I think we didn’t reach it. We didn’t, but I feel that pursuing how we could do that, the power at that time, remains in it as something that could be only be produced at that moment. If you look at it now, I think it’s connected to reality”

Notes before reading: This is the first part of the personal interview of Kaoru from the magazine Headbang Vol.27 released on 18th August 2020.  The interview is 11 pages long and this part covers the first 6 pages. As Toshiya and Die’s interviews, 2nd part is focused on his roots as a guitarist and overseas experience. You can read Toshiya’s personal interview here You can read Die’s personal interview here

 You can get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan.

 Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

 Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) -------- Text by: Yohsuke Hayakawa The first to appear in this magazine is Kaoru, the guitarist who is also the composer of the latest single "Ochita koto ga aru sora”. Starting with the process of making the single, leading up to the completion of this new song, the days of struggling to pursue the ideal sound, the originality that they got from that, and the current band that has not changed from the past intense days. What I saw on him was, the figure of a stoic leader who bet on Dir en grey possibilities and devoted himself to it. Also in the latter half of the interview with the theme of “Albums that inspired you”, he did  not only  talk about X Japan and national legendary bands that changed his life, but he also talked enthusiastically about the unknown world that he learnt from Hide and Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi, who he is a fan of.  “I think there is something that can be challenged now” -First of all, I would like to ask you about the corona outbreak we are currently in, but it was impressive when you, with your own words, announced on SNS  a live without audience ‘The World You Live In” that was held in March with the message of  "it’s not the things that we can do now , it’s the things that only can be done now”. I thought the movements of DIR EN GREY with these rare activities and projects that entertained fans were summarized in those words. K: Well, that's right. There are things that can be done in the current limited situation, things that we wouldn't normally do, things that we didn't come to, and things that we can challenge now. There were quite a few things that were more like "Let's do it".  Regarding lives without audience, we don’t know how long this situation will keep going on but, under these circumstances, it wasn't that much at that point in time for us to perform live. We thought it would be a plus for what we are expressing and what we are going to express in the future. Also, we tried to do it in a moment in which you could feel something. -Including the streaming that came after that, I think there are many people who felt closer to DIR EN GREY. In particular, the livestream of talk between members (DIR EN GREY LIVE ARCHIVE & SPECIAL TALK) is a project that you wouldn’t had think of before, isn’t it? K: (laughs) We don't usually talk much. -(Laughs) Moreover, I thought that it was only now that we could see an appearance of the combination of Kaoru and Shinya acting ‘as usual’. K: Well, that's right (laughs). -Is that something that you could do now, 23 years after your formation as band? K: No (laughs), the main reason is to do it is the situation right now. If this weren't the case, I think the idea wouldn’t even come up. Normally there are live performances, so I'd like people to feel it there, but we can't do that now. Well, it’s just to entertain the fans, but after all we thought it would be nice if they could feel something similar to that, feeling excited by our presence. -I see. So, regarding the status of the announced the Pia Arena MM performances for the  tour final "The Insulated World -The Screams of Alienation-" in July, you probably were thinking about what do to about them until the very last minute. K: That's right. It was decided a few days before the announcement that the lives were canceled. Of course, we also made a set list, and the production side was also moving. The entirely staff were informed, and everything was working. I actually went to the venue and talked about how it would be possible to hold the lives in these conditions. However, there may be some people who couldn’t come no matter how much they tried to. There was also the risk of not knowing if you can do it until you start it. -I think it was canceled after assuming the kind of live performance that was possible to be held, but it was a really tough decision. K: Well, it couldn’t be helped. -Oh, in a nutshell. K: Yes, it couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be helped. What we could do following the rules (the government guidelines) is the reason we couldn't do it. Tickets were sold in advance through the fanclub, but in fact, with the spreading of Corona on the way it already had a significant impact on sales. -Oh, that was what happened? K: Yes. So, in response to that, we even came up with the idea that all the arena would have seats not only the designed areas. We could do that by reducing the capacity in order to keep a social distance. That way, we also thought that we might be able to do it. However, there may still be some people who wouldn’t be able to come, and moreover, there were a lot of things that we couldn’t do in both days. Well, it was a half-way point situation. Therefore, there is no choice but when the situation calms down, to relocate the dates. -Under such circumstances, you said you were producing the single in parallel. K: Yes, we were planning to release it around the Pia Arena performances, so we have been working on it for some time. -And “Ochita koto ga aru sora” was completed. The original melody was composed by you but, the title was announced in May. I wondered if it was going to be a song that brings melancholic elements to the forefront. I was trying to imagine it. K: (Laughs) Ah, the atmosphere of the title. -Yes. The sound that we actually got is bursting with DIR EN GREY-ish aggression that explodes from the beginning including a grooved dragging guitar riff. So, to put it into words, I had the impression the style of DIR EN GREY was contained in a "super condensed" form. It's used in a kind of luxurious way, with the melody refrain being minimal by scraping off the excess. K: That’s right. This shape (final song) is like, we were really worried about it and it felt like it just got here. Along the way, there were elements that would make things more exciting, more piercing. There was more development.  However, we made it in that way, but I felt like “Well, I’m tired of it” (laughs). -Hahaha. K:  Rather, it doesn’t seem as interesting as usual. This is really…. words may not match…it’s somehow Japanese. I wasn’t satisfied with anything, so it felt more like I was speaking out my mind (laughs) I scraped it off though. -The reason why the song became very condensed is that all the members were looking in the same direction. K: Well, I don't know that. However, as my method, I don’t really decide (the direction) at the beginning. If you do that, the result will be in that shape and I prefer to explore the possibilities. Besides, because I don’t know if the rhythm really matches the melody or if the back-melody matches, there are many things to think about, so I don't want to decide at the beginning. Under such circumstances, I didn’t know what to do in the end.  Well, I settled on something that someone said, or something that inspired me, but it was hard to get to the point where I could see it.- -As a result, I feel that the single became very DIR EN GREY-like. K: Yes, that’s right. I was working on it while thinking that there was that “likeness”

-Did you imagine the development of this single with an impressive melody popping out even though it’s aggressive? I wonder if something like this come out naturally.

K: No. I didn’t really imagine that. Even if I try to imagine, there are things that I can’t imagine at all.

-So, how does the completed form of this song look to you?

K: This time I was arranging it all the time based on the data of the tentative/provisional  songs recorded at the beginning. So, with that, it was almost brought to this finished form. From that point on, Kyo sang again several times and changed it slightly but along with the melody from the beginning, it was made with that flow. However, there were setlists that each member made during this time, right? (”DIR EN GREY AUDIO LIVE STREAM 5 DAYS" that was broadcasted on YouTube in May).  As you could see there, there are various DIR EN GREY, right? On the other hand, I feel that whatever we do, it will probably feel like DIRENGREY-ish.

-Something that can be hidden anymore. There is something that oozes out.

K: Well, very much, as far as you don’t do something different. I was too worried. When I told the members that I didn’t know what to do, I was told ‘You don’t have to think so much about, right?”, so I was like ‘is that so?’. In the end, the song turned out like this (laughs).

“At that time, I kept struggling to find out how to get closer to the sound I envisioned.”

-Oh, that’s what they told you. As for the form of songwriting, you work remotely regardless of the corona, right?

K: Yes, that’s always the way. So, nothing was different than usual for us.

-The change was that you couldn’t go outside between work time.

K: That’s right. I was concentrated on it all the time.

-Always? (laughs) Then, in that situation, that a member told you to not think about too much, did those words make it easier for you?

K: Well, you can open yourself to new options like “well let’s do it this way a little more”. However, it’s something that I do all the time. Year after after, it’s not finished.

-It will take some time to complete the song.

K: It takes some time. After all, if it doesn’t become something interesting, I feel like what should I do. It takes time to move from the first stage, the members listening to it and go to the “let’s do this”.

-What’s that next step?

K: Listen to the demo songs together and decide to try one from the songs that are there.I think it’s necessary to put a song and drop the world view and the atmosphere of the song clearly at some point, but it takes a long time to get there.

-I think it’s difficult to express this stage in words, but it’s the key to make songs.

K: Yes, it’s quite difficult.

-However, this is also one  of the traits of  DIR EN GREY but, the chorus that enters at the key points is burning with passion. It seems like it’s going to look good live.

K: As I said before, Kyo is the one who puts the chorus, so it’s normal than the rest don’t know where the chorus is until we record it.

-It doesn’t matter how the guitar riff is going…

K: Yes. It doesn’t matter. That’s why we have to practice all the time during the rehearsal before the live performance. I’m the type of person who can’t do different things at the same time, so I skip it quite a bit (laughs)

-Hahaha. You leave it to the other two (Die and Toshiya)

K: Yes (laughs).

-Then there is another retake of the song “Clever Sleazoid”. What made you pick this song again?

K: He said that he wanted to translate the lyrics into Japanese. Kyo said something like he wanted to try it because the lyrics from the original song changed. It was like, “Well, let’s try to do it”.

 -Then, how about the completed form after re-recording?

K: Well, it was already released once, so I don’t really care about it(laughs) Some people liked the original, others will like the new version. Except for the lyrics, the tempo is a bit faster but overall, it hasn’t changed much.

 -Originally, this song was released in 2005, but when you look back on DIR EN GREY at that time, what do you think is very different from the present of the band?

K: I would say that there is a solid feeling now. Rather than trying to catch up with anything, I think we are proceeding in a somehow calm manner. The same applies to the stage. It was 15 years ago, so we were young….it was like an apprenticeship, now we are old men, that’s what different from that time.

-What do you remember pursuing at that time?

K: At that time, I was struggling to get closer to the sound I was envisioning.

-Do you mean that you haven’t been able to achieve what you were looking for?

K: Yes. It’s the same with the songs. I was thinking about the sound aspect every, like “How can I make a powerful heavy sound” every day.

-Was that a personal thing?

K: It was for the band as well, I often talked to the members about the kind of sound I wanted to do at that time for the CDs but also for the lives as well, I wondered how could I do it. But at that time, I was struggling to understand it like, “I haven’t achieved it, but I can only show the power of pursuing it while looking for the way to reach it”.

“I haven't reached it, I can only show the pursuit and power of" how can I do it?"

-Did you see anything regarding that aspect when you started going overseas?

K: No, what I thought when we started going abroad was the importance of being ourselves. I wonder if that would be the most powerful thing. So, around 2005, I felt like I was still chasing my ideals.  Like a way that I could I express them in this way. But since we went abroad… and I started to notice that being ourselves was the best more and more….. how could I say it?,..it seems that the destinations we were looking at have been pinpointed all the time. It’s not about how to do it, if we could express what was in ourselves more and more, we would change it to the consciousness that would create that kind of sound.

 -That means, for example, that when you released “CLEVER SLEAZOID”, looking back, you hadn’t reached that point that you are talking about yet.

K: I think we didn’t reach it. We didn’t but I feel that pursuing how we could do that, the power at that time, remains in it as something that could be only be produced at that moment.

-True. It emits an unbelievable power and it was a proof of that struggle.

K: Yes. If I look at it now, I wonder if that it’s linked to its originality.

 -Surely.   After that it connected with THE MARROW OF A BONE (2007). Around that album, did you feel like you obtained that you were looking for?

K: Well, I think I did, but still at that time, I was wondering how I could do it. So I think it’s only recently that I’m thinking in this way.

-Ah, recently?

K: Yes, about “DUM” (DUM SPIRO SPERO, released in 2011). But “DUM” isn’t recent either (laughs)

-Hahaha  you noticed that…that’s right (laughs). In an era when you were struggling to pursuit something, you became solid as a band. Then, the atmosphere in the band would naturally change for the better, because it means that from that moment, along with them and the music, you have reached your goal.

K: I think so.  Also, what could I say about our band?..... All the members think that they have a different feeling about their knowledge and ability to imagine but, the reaction will definitely come when the song seems to settle down in a “this is it” form. Some of us will say, “I think it’s better do it this way”, while other will say “if we go in this direction, we should do this”. Therefore, that we can talk about such things has not changed from the past. While my senses are growing, after all there is still an atmosphere of pursuit in the end, in doing more and more interesting things, so I think that’s a good place for us.

-Even if you gained more knowledge and experience, it doesn’t feel strangely calm at all. K: It’s not. If that happens, it wouldn’t be interesting.

 “Now I think, do we really want to do that?”

 -I see. So, the mastering engineer and mixing-in engineer this time are also talented, but did you proposed the selection of these people to the members after listening to how overseas artists sound?

K: Sometimes I do. As for this engineer,Josh Wilbur,  the director said he would like to try to work with him once and asked him to mix “Ochita koto ga aru sora”.He had been trying to get in touch with him for a long time, but he couldn’t, but he was able to communicate with him this time and asked, "Would you like to try it once?".

 -Josh Wilbur is a person whose range of work goes from Avil Lavigne to Lamb of God. How was the result?

K: Well, I’m glad we asked for a simple one.

-After all, with that width….

K: It’s better that way. This kind of person will return what you ordered exactly as you ordered it. Sometimes no matter how much we explain it, there are people who don’t understand, so they don’t know what to do. At first, Josh used to put a lot of effects on songs and so on. Listening to that, Kyo said "nothing is good" (laughs). The exchange was interesting, though.

-If you leave the decision to someone else, something that shocks you can come out.

K: Yes. Wow, this person comes quite a bit (laughs)

-(Laughs) At that moment, you understood his way.

K: So, Josh’s first mix was more metal-ish. Also, the sound of the drums….it wasn’t like it was crazy but it felt like bumpy….it was like “mmm, it’s a bit different”, but after several exchanges with him, it went well.

-What about Jens Bogren (who has worked with many famous metal bands such as Arch Enemy and Opeth) who mixed “CLEVER SLEAZOID”?

K: It’s a different type (of mixing) from Josh. Jens has worked with us several times so far so  he knows the directions.

-And the mastering engineer for the three songs of the single, including the live version of  “Followers”, Brian Gardner (Linkin Park, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Eminen etc..) is the same one than “Ningen wo Kaburu” and “The World of Mercy”.

K: Yes. If you change the mastering too much, it’s hard to predict the finish result.  It’s difficult to know how the mix will turn out, so if you want to change the engineer that does the mixing, you should do the mastering with the same person as before.

-I see. Because the song will be created from the scratch again.

K: Well, that’s also interesting but I’m worried about what to do if it fails…

-About the future of DIR EN GREY, of course, I think that you will only do what you can do under these circumstances but, what kind of expectations do you have?

K: We are thinking about moving towards making an album.  As for concerts, it can’t be helped that we have to wait until we can do them, so I guess that I have to devote myself to making songs.

-Taking advantage of this situation, you will be able to concentrate in that.

K: Well, that’s right. I have time, so in that sense it’s easy to concentrate.

-In fact, is it time already to move into the album?

K: Yes. After Pia Arena, we were planning to go to production as we don’t have any concerts.

-For example, the single “The World of Mercy” included an acoustic version of “Dozing Green”, was there any talk about trying to do an acoustic live at these times?

K: Sometimes….that’s right. If we do that, I have to think about acoustic arrangements for that so let’s do a normal live performance (laughs). It’s not a bad idea to do a live like that because of this situation but, it’s like “do we really want to do it now?”.

-Ah, I see. Apart from your intentions it doesn’t make sense to you to simply say “We’ll do it because we can do it” in the current situation.

K: Yes, I think so.

 “Without “BLUE BLOOD” I wouldn’t really be who I am now” (second part here)

[sinceileftyoublog]

Wilco, Sleater-Kinney, & NNAMDÏ Live Show Review: 8/28, Jay Pritzker Pavilion, Chicago

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Even if you hadn’t seen their recent setlists, you knew that Wilco had to begin their set with a specific song. It was a gimmick, but an undeniable one, that caused an entire crowd to sing back in a sense of cautious relief, “Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm.” Sleater-Kinney’s Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker--one of their partners in touring--sang harmonies. For the final night of the tour, two out of three bands were coming home, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of achievement along with all. Wilco, Sleater-Kinney, and NNAMDÏ were able to safely complete a string of dates across the country, weathering storms and Nnamdi Ogbonnaya’s broken wrist, while many audience members returned for the first time to live music, something only shots in arms could have made happen.

I imagine that playing Chicago is different for Wilco, and not just because fans cheer the loudest when Jeff Tweedy sings, “But the wind blew me back via Chicago.” I’ve seen Wilco outside of Chicago and at Chicago festivals, and from my experience, it’s, perhaps unsurprisingly, local shows where folks specifically come to see their hometown heroes that reveal unexpected highlights. Audience members getting pumped up for specific moments of Nels Cline’s legendary guitar solo during “Impossible Germany” rather than just clapping at the end. Tweedy and Cline back-to-back shredding during “Random Name Generator”, Brownstein-Tucker style. Fans of all ages singing along to every word of the oldest song played, A.M.’s “Box Full Of Letters”. Almost two years removed from their most recent album, 2019′s Ode To Joy, Wilco treated this show as almost a retrospective, a setlist comprised of songs they love to play live, scattered throughout their vast and consistent discography. “That’s on it’s way to becoming a really good song,” Tweedy quipped after playing, “I’m The Man Who Loves You”. I laughed especially at that bit: Everyone knows Wilco could play the same set every night for years to come and we’d be satisfied. We’re lucky that they choose to loosen up and add flourishes along the way.

Sleater-Kinney had their fair share of die-hards at the show; Brownstein called them to the front in between “High in the Grass” and “Hurry on Home”, and from a distance, you could see them bouncing up and down during The Woods hits like “Jumpers”. For Wilco fans who simply like Sleater-Kinney or people at the show who didn’t know their material as well, S-K had a taller task, to keep the crowd energized during the hottest part of the day while playing from their newer, comparatively tamer material. Path of Wellness, their first album without drummer Janet Weiss, is admirably stylistically varied but nowhere near as upbeat as most of the classics. It was fitting, then, that Sleater-Kinney fully embraced their new material, opting for a large (for S-K standards) touring band to emphasize the slow burns of “Shadow Town” and “Complex Female Characters” and sneaky buoyancy of “High in the Grass”. Best, they were able to get even more beautiful racket in the breakdowns of “Jumpers”, noodling bridge of “What’s Mine Is Yours”, and sunny, fuzzy sway of “Modern Girl”.

As for Ogbonnaya, the number of his pre-concert fans may not have rivaled that of Wilco and Sleater-Kinney, but they were just as passionate, cheering for every band member that walked out on stage. Ogbonnaya’s stage presence was natural, as he and his band seamlessly wove through genres with as much ease as he has when usually bouncing from instrument to instrument. Saturday night, Ogbonnaya was just singing, though his voice can take on a number of different characteristics and pitches. He uses auto-tune to complement the often languid psychedelia and slow-building R&B of the instrumentation on songs like “Glass Casket” and “It’s OK” from his 2020 album BRAT. While tunes like the shredding math rock of “Perfect in My Mind” were faithful to their studio versions, others expanded upon them. Punky love song “ART SCHOOL CRUSH” from 2013′s Bootie Noir was more upbeat live, with its click-clack drums shining through, while “Flowers To My Demons”’ chugging acoustic guitar stylings were ditched for a more electric fluttery pop-R&B hybrid. In a sense, NNAMDÏ was the perfect opener for Wilco and Sleater-Kinney, two bands who have gradually reinvented themselves over a few decades. With Ogbonnaya at the helm, reinvention happens at the drop of a hat; it’s safe to say he had many more fans at the end of his set than at the beginning, more than local pride.

[theeverlastingshade]

Pitchfork Music Festival 2021 Recap

This year I finally attended the full 3 day Pitchfork Music Festival after years of deliberation. There's no way my enjoyment of the experience wasn't compounded due to live music having been on hiatus in the United States since March 2020, but I suspect that I would have enjoyed it all the same if that hiatus hadn't transpired. Pitchfork put on an impressive festival defined by  a superbly paced, and varied roster of some of the most exciting up and coming artists, legacy artists, and plenty in between. While not a perfect festival by any means, Pitchfork nonetheless showcased what was close to a small to mid-size festival ideal.

Each day was paced well, alternating between sets from acts on either the green or red stage juxtaposed with electronic or folk acts on the blue stage across the park. Friday alternated between the weirder, artier folk/pop acts and various electronic producers running the gamut from the headier, house strain of The Soft Pink Truth, to the skull rattling rush of techno from Yaeji. The pacing between sets worked pretty well, and the only substantial runoff was Yaeji's relentless low-end creeping into Big Thief's set (and again on Sunday with FlyLo's music bleeding into Cat Power's set). For the most part, nothing felt particularly overwrought or ill-considered from a booking or performance perspective, and the day consisted of the sort of purposeful curation that just isn't common at most music festivals at this point in time.

The heavier acts were generally relegated to earlier slots, (with the exception of Ty Segall Freedom Band on Saturday) while the bulk of legacy acts and zeitgeisty up and coming artists performed later in the day. It's hard to deny that many artists really brought it like Dogleg, but at this point in Pitchfork’s existence a melodic hardcore/emo band isn't going to be granted more than an earlier/mid-afternoon slot. The diversity of the artists was far more varied than could have reasonably been expected from a post-Conde Nast curated lineup, but the lack of metal, shoegaze, drone, or noise was still a bit of a letdown.

Dogleg were an exceptional early set that blew most of the following artists away. The bulk of their setlist came from their 2020 debut LP, Melee, and it all translated as well to a live setting as could have been expected from that kind of high-wire energy. They also seemed like one of, if not the closest band to exemplify aspiring rock stardom, and they delivered a raucous set filled with cartwheels and windmills, and other kinds of fun guitar antics that bands just don't seem interested (or capable) of executing. The vocals were a little rough around the edges in spots, but they played with remarkable dexterity and chemistry, making a strong case for the staying power of capital-B bands in an era where the solo artist still reigns supreme.

The first electronic act of the festival that completely blew me away was Drew Daniels, aka The Soft Pink Truth. Daniels drew the most from his latest and finest LP, Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase, fleshing out the music with a more aggressive low-end that complemented the ambience of the songs beautifully while giving them a heightened edge. The songs continued to build to ecstatic heights without losing their shape, and each flowed superbly into the next without the stiches ever showing. Towards the end of his set Daniels began to draw more from his great 2014 black metal influenced record, Why Do the Heathen Rage? for some of the most chaotic, and eclectic mixing that transpired all weekend.

Even with the absence of founding member and guitarist Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin, black midi were as great as they've ever sounded, this time rounding out their lineup with a keyboardist and a saxophone player, which is only to be expected given the more prog-leaning approach that they took on their latest LP, Cavalcade. Although a band like black midi is best suited for a seedy, beer stained club than any kind of outdoor festival the new material translated well to this specific context. The songs on Cavalcade are more sprawling, and lend themselves better to lengthier jamming than their earlier material. Throughout their set, black midi managed to breathe some fresh new life into these songs without ever quite extending anything past its welcome. They remain a satisfying anomaly at a festival like Pitchfork, and within the greater sphere of contemporary music as a whole.

The most unpredictable, and satisfying set of the night came from Animal Collective. They returned to Pitchfork with the full-band, four piece setup that was somewhat reminiscent of their dynamic while touring the material for their 2005 opus, Feels, with the exception of Deakin primarily playing keys and synths instead of guitar (except throughout highlights "The Purple Bottle and the "Grass" b-side, "Fickle Cycle", both from that aforementioned era). In proper fashion, they predominantly played new material, which took the form of lounge-flecked psychedelia that continues to make good on their path towards jam band ascension. Aside from the Feels era cuts they also performed Merriweather Post Pavilion cuts "In the Flowers" and "No More Runnin'", and “Unsolved Mysteries” from Strawberry Jam. It was thrilling to hear Panda Bear behind the kit bashing out tight floor tom/cymbal rolls, and Geologist occasionally abandoning his rig for some time with the Hurdy Gurdy. They capped off their set with "The Purple Bottle", and Avey was in top form singing and shrieking his way through the jubilance with tight precision. There are very few bands that continually change their setup, challenge audience expectations, and experiment with form even in the midst of live performances quite like Animal Collective, and on Friday it payed off remarkably.

There are also very few active bands that display the kind of immense inmate chemistry that Big Thief have, and it was palpable throughout their entire set. The band drew from all four of their albums, leaning heaviest on their exceptional pair of 2019 records, U.F.O.F. and Two Hands, with a few great new/previously unreleased songs thrown in. Their most stirring performance arrived with "Spun Infinity", a Lenker solo song that the band helped build into a rousing sing along. They've played it both times that I've seen them, and it's grown in potency each time that they played it (here's hoping it makes that next record). They delivered highlights from both spectrums of their sound, from the lush sway of "Cattails" to the searing eruption of "Not", with older favorites like "Shark Smile" and "Masterpiece" thrown in for good measure. They closed their set with a new song called "Dragon" that was even more intense than the songs from TH, cementing the notion that they're among the best bands active, and one that's still getting better with each record and show.

It wasn't surprising that Phoebe Bridgers headlined Friday given what a massive glow up in popularity that she experienced throughout last year, but her set couldn't help but underwhelm following right on the heels of Big Thief. Her performance was serviceable, with subdued highlights like "Scott Street" and "Garden Song" retaining the melodramatic arcs of the source material, but her set generally lacked the sense of risk, experimentation, or versatility that Big Thief and Animal Collective carried in spades. The lack of dynamics and variation doesn't necessarily hamper the cohesion of her records, but it left quite a bit to be desired from her headlining set. There’s no question that Phoebe’s a talented artist, and she’s already released a handful of good records in the brief span of time that she’s been professionally recording, but her music doesn’t necessarily lend itself to a particularly strong festival headlining performance yet.

On the whole, Saturday didn't quite match the highs of Friday, but there were still a handful of great performances. The lineup was arguably more sonically diverse than either Friday or Sunday, and it showcased the strongest balance between veterans and up-and-coming artists. Bartees Strange delivered a solid performance that exuded the soulful intensity of his recorded output, but it wasn’t quite as gripping as the searing performances early in the day that Dogleg and Special Interest delivered. Divino Nino sounded far more raw than they come off on record, delivering a solid performance only occasionally hampered by muddy basslines. Maxo Kream was charismatic, and engaging, but his performance lacked the intensity of his raps on record. Things didn't really pick up until Waxahatchee's set. Waxahatchee drew most predominantly from her terrific 2020 record, St. Cloud, with a few older highlights like "Silver" thrown in as well. Katie Crutchfield's voice sounds just as strong live, as it does on record, and what the band's performance somewhat lacked in SC's urgency she made up for in gorgeous melodic phrasing.

Aside from Kream, and a few particularly propulsive selections from Divino Nino, things generally remained in a low-key, blissed out temperament perfectly emblematic of the inoffensive chill malaise of mainstream indie up until Ty Segall and his Freedom Band took the stage, and then things took a complete 180. Ty Segall is inherently a throwback, to be sure, from the sonic parameters of his records, to the pacing of his output, to his career trajectory built on relentless touring with an indifference to the expectations of individual branding and fan engagement. All of which makes him an exciting prospect at any sort of festival; there's was some explicit potential for real spontaneity. And while the band mostly stuck to cuts from Segall's recently released, synth-heavy Harmonizer, they also performed a few of Segall's classic cuts like "The Only One" and "Love Fuzz". Everything was heavier, and more aggressive than it comes off on record, with The Freedom Band exuding an impressive level of chemistry that heightened everything that they performed. It would have been nice to hear some more range given just how disparate Segall's discography is (a cut from Sleeper or Goodbye Bread as a breather would have gone a long way towards helping smooth out the pacing), but they still delivered an exciting set with the kind of unrelenting intensity that the festival could have used a little more of.

One of the most intriguing acts going into the festival for me was the prospect of a solo set from Kim Gordon. She released a terrific record in 2019 called No Home Record, but that’s technically the only solo project to her name, and it was hard to say what else she might draw from, and how well the insular music from that record would translate to a festival setting. Gordon was backed by a standard guitar, bass, drum trio while she predominantly provided vocals, and some occasional guitar playing as well. They just played the entirety of NHR all the way through, and yet her set was still the most unorthodox and engaging of Saturday. The music was layered with the usual dissonance and distortion of all her work, but the slyly funky rhythms and jagged no wave guitars were interwoven into some new shapes that service her sparse vocal melodies well. The music translated much better to an outdoor festival space than I had anticipated, in no small part due to the versatility and straight up intensity of her drummer. It was hard to believe that Gordon was able to restrain herself from saying fuck the governor of Texas until the last 15 minutes of her set, but given everything that Gordon has ever stood for the sentiment couldn’t have possibly gone unsaid. It was a welcome reminder of her steadfast commitment to feminist ideals amidst an abrasive set that never quite buckled under the weight of her legacy.

The only mention of 9/11 that I remember was Angel Olsen claiming to have been inspired to write a new song the night prior to the anniversary only to jump into "Shut Up Kiss Me". The absurdity of the sentiment was only matched by a fan asking Olsen if they could throw broccoli on stage, and then actually delivering on the request after she gave it the thumbs up. For all the self-seriousness of her recorded output she certainly seemed to be enjoying herself far more than she generally lets on throughout her records. Her set predominantly featured songs from her last and best record, All Mirrors, with a few songs from My Woman and a handful of earlier cuts sprinkled in. Olsen's band consisted of two guitarists or two keyboardists depending on what she was playing, and was rounded out with drums, bass, synths, a violist, and a cellist. You probably wouldn't necessarily have guessed that was her first set in 2 years given how strong the band's chemistry was, particularly during the AM cuts. She carried herself with the theatricality of a natural performer completely in her element. For Olsen’s last song of the night Sharon Van Etten made a surprise appearance to join her for their collaborative single “Like I Used To”, delivering an immensely satisfying cap to just over a decade long creative and commercial ascension for both singular artists.

As expected, Jay Electronica pulled out of the festival last minute. He was replaced by RP Boo who took Jamila Woods' set time, and Woods took Jay's slot. Jamila performed a strong set, with the only misstep being her underwhelming cover of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit". She drew predominantly from her last and best record, LEGACY! LEGACY!, in addition to a few older cuts, and a promising new song. Her voice retained the understated grace, and effortless control of her recorded output, and the band behind her (particularly the drummer and keyboardist) elevated her songs with tight grooves and virtuosic keyboard vamps. Along with Waxahatchee, Jamila delivered some of the strongest melodies of all the acts on Saturday without missing a step. It was incredibly satisfying to see an artist from Chicago take a slot that late in the day, and absolutely crush it. If there’s any justice in the world she’ll be playing larger slots and festivals within the next several years to come.

Annie Clark, aka St. Vincent, is a reliably great performer, and despite the lackluster quality of her last two records her set was much tighter than they'd suggest. Aside from a corny bit where Annie pretended that her sister called her while dropping a P4K 6.8 joke, and seemingly drawing attention to the lukewarm reception of her last record, Daddy's Home (a far worse record than Pitchfork acknowledged in their review), in light of her headlining status, her set was immensely engaging. For the most part she thankfully eschewed that kind of performative exhaustion and eye-rolling by breathing some new life and renewed energy into her songs by way of tight chemistry, great harmonies, and occasionally just fucking ripping into guitar solos. Very few artists had guitarists that can play guitar like Annie, and only Dogleg, Ty Segall, and Yves Tumor seemed to match her aspiration of traditional rock stardom (and of those three, only Yves Tumor was on the same level of her stage presence). Naturally, some of the DH songs fell a little flat, while a few of the songs that predated Masseduction were transcendent. After seeing her twice now it seems pretty evident that no matter how disappointing her records become, she’s still going to deliver a pretty strong show.

Sunday was defined largely by hip-hop and r&b, but there was still some nice variation earlier on in the day. Special Interest kicked things on Sunday off with an urgent performance that retained their aggressive no wave meets four on the floor energy. Although their music is much better suited for a dank basement club, their serrated beats and overall bombast still translated fairly well to the dust-ridden grounds and dry Chicago heat. There were some minor vocal flubs, and some stiff pacing, but they brought some much needed teeth to the day's proceedings right out of the gates. Special Interest have only released two records to date, but their performance reaffirmed that they’re on to something truly singular.

Aside from Dogleg, oso oso were the only fifth wave emo ambassadors that played Pitchfork, and their set was unsurprisingly among the weekend's highlights. Still riding high from their sublime 2019 LP, Basking in the Glow, oso oso delivered a rousing performance imbued with the sugary, top notch vocal melodies that play a large role in shaping their records (oso oso frontman Jade Lilitri is still completely in a league of his own when it comes to writing vocal hooks). They played a few older songs, including Real Stories of True People Who Kind of Looked Like Monsters highlight "Where You’ve Been Hiding ", but the bulk of their set was split between songs from the aforementioned BitG, and their 2017 breakout second LP, The Yunahon Mixtape, capping it off with their great 2018 single “gb /ol h/nf”. The band backing Jade sounded tighter than any I've seen perform with him in the past, freeing him up to just deliver his infectious hooks and prance around the stage. While plenty of acts delivered great melodies throughout the weekend, no one matched the sheer immediacy of oso oso. Oso oso have been making some of the best guitar pop of the last few years, and their live show captured the spark of their records.

Choosing to see Sean Bowie, aka Yves Tumor, over Thundercat was easily the most difficult decision that I had to make that weekend. Thundercat is always great live, and the last two songs that I caught after Tumor's set ("Them Changes" and "Friend Zone" respectively) were tight performances, but Tumor has quickly become one of the defining artists of our time. Bowie’s set brought the smoldering psychedelic glam rock of 2020s Heaven to a Tortured Mind, and their recently released The Asympomtical World EP to life with finesse and ferocity. The four piece band behind them featured guitar, bass, drum, and assorted electronics freeing Bowie to freely prowl about the stage howling, crooning, and shrieking as the songs demanded. The set drew the most from those aforementioned releases (which compounded just how badly I fucked up by not traveling any distance necessary to catch them while touring their 2018 masterwork, Safe in the Hands of Love), but they still dove into "Licking an Orchid", “Lifetime”, and "Noid", showcasing how well the avant-pop of their breakthrough works within the context of their current phase. It was incredibly heartwarming to see dozens of people legitimately moshing to avant-garde music, in addition to Bowie reveling in the immense goodwill that their game changing records deserve. Most of the sets that I saw throughout the weekend were great, but Bowie’s set felt like a particularly transcendent star-making moment.

As anyone who's seen Danny Brown live can attest, it’s always a great time, but you don't exactly know how he's going to perform, and his set on Sunday was no exception. He started off strong with "Dope Song", and one for the heads with "Black Brad Pitt", but within short order Brown began to stumble through a few cuts. Brown stopped many of the songs he performed after just a verse or two since he couldn't remember the rest of the words which made for a disjointed experience, but it also meant he was able to draw from more of his catalog (if only for a minute or two per song) than he would have otherwise. His flows were as sharp and controlled as ever, and there's no denying his idiosyncratic stage presence, particularly during classic cuts like "I Will" and "Grown Up". After shouting out his Bruiser Bridge label Zelooperz and Bruiser Wolf joined his set for a few songs which gave the proceedings a nice Bruiser Thanksgiving spirit. He played only a few tracks from his latest record, uknowhatimsayin? with the bulk of his set drawing on classic cuts from XXX and the tried and true festival staples that make up the bulk of Old’s b-side. While certainly not the tightest performer of the weekend, Danny Brown was easily one of the most charismatic and engaging, and on a handful of songs, like “Attak” from Rustie’s 2014 LP, Green Language, he proved that he's still one of the best rappers alive.

Flying Lotus emerged on the red stage towards the end of Sunday evening with his mind-bending visuals and light show well-intact. He started off playing cuts from his recently released Yasuke OST from the anime of the same name before pivoting to some remixes of old classics, with “Zodiac Shit” in particular teased with its original, iconic Adult Swim visual. The mixing throughout was as remarkable as anyone who’s seen FlyLo live would come to expect, and nothing overstayed its welcome, seemed forced, or uninspired. At one point Thundercat leapt up from the side stage to deliver vocals during "Black and Gold", and the chemistry between them was almost overwhelming. At two different points during his set FlyLo descended from the decks donning his Captain Murphy alter ego which allowed for some nice variation between the dense electronic onslaughts. In a shocking, but sublime move FlyLo ended his set with "Do the Astral Plane", a highlight off of his opus, Cosmogramma, that he doesn't play often, but is nevertheless the perfect festival send off, and yet another reminder of just how far he's taken his singular beat making.

Erykah Badu was only 25 minutes late for her headlining set Sunday night, but her performance was well worth the wait. She performed alongside a 9 piece band, and delivered tight renditions of classics from Baduizm and Mama's Gun, as well as some cuts from her great 2015 mixtape But You Caint Use My Phone. Her singing sounded just as strong live as it does on record, imbuing the music with the same hazy warmth that helped shape her strongest material. Badu’s backing band retained the multi-faceted sweep of her music while subtly enlivening it, and Badu herself had a commanding stage presence that bellied the understated swagger of recorded output. Badu’s set was the perfect send-off for what was by all accounts an extremely well structured and executed festival. Within a landscape of music festivals with homogenized lineups that generally don’t even give the illusion of curation or any sense of personality, Pitchfork 2021 was a satisfying anomaly that will hopefully continue within this vein for years to come.

[anhed-nia]

10/18/2020: STREET TRASH

I just caught myself trying to avoid writing about this movie. I was looking right at my Blogtober setlist, and I still managed to convince myself that I was all caught up, and I had earned my right to move on to the comparative luxury and ease of CATHY'S CURSE. I was well into that project before I realized that I was just subconsciously trying to shirk my 10/18 responsibilities. So, now I'm on punishment, but luckily, just trying to deal with this film is enough punishment in and of itself, if you are not one of this movie’s many passionate fans. I always feel like I'm making a big confession, even to myself, when I admit that I just don't like STREET TRASH.

For some reason, my failure to get down with this movie always makes me feel like a prude and a poseur. It's such a Thing for so many people, and such a grandiose act of rebellion against decency that I feel like I should like it. And I mean, I'm no prude; I'm a fan of a lot of movies that are fairly described as a bunch of sleazy, nihilistic, rage-fueled nonsense. When I try to say what I don't like about STREET TRASH, I find myself delivering a list of problems that is almost identical to the list of reasons I do like a lot of other movies: it's ugly, mean, tacky, offensive, depressingly cheap, grim, anti-social bordering on evil, and on top of everything else, it doesn't really make any sense. It's a little hard for me to explain where and why I draw the line between STREET TRASH and beloved favorites like LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET, ISLAND OF DEATH, BEYOND THE DARKNESS, or EBOLA SYNDROME (ok so EBOLA SYNDROME isn't actually one of my favorite movies, but I definitely admire its...er, guts). My aversion to Troma movies--another thing that makes me feel like a stranger in a strange land--might help inform some of what I don't like about STREET TRASH. There's a way in which a willfully offensive movie can seem to cross over from being contemptuous of society, to contemptuous of its own audience, and that's what bothers me: Troma's insistence on its own laziness and prurience, accusing the viewer of getting off on failure and inferiority, and garnishing its pridefully crappy production with shitty jokes about smearing queers and killing whores. But, while STREET TRASH has a similar brand of extremely shallow nihilism, much of it is meticulously put-together, which is usually a movie's saving grace--not that it's expensive and beautiful, but that it is made with evident passion. Which is exactly why this movie is such a confusing experience for me.

Maybe I can find some further clarity by attempting to describe what the plot consists of. A Brooklyn liquor store owner finds a case of ancient malt liquor called Tenafly Viper in his basement that, for some reason, causes anyone who drinks it to melt down into human sewage and/or explode. Just when it seems like the mysterious action and origin of Viper will be at the center of the plot--after all, it is STREET TRASH's main claim to fame--we drift into the dour drama between a pair of young homeless brothers, Freddie and Kevin, living in a shack in the back of a junkyard. These guys are relatively wholesome compared to the surrounding encampment, where the absolute dregs of humanity exist in a HILLS HAVE EYES-like fiefdom under a deranged Vietnam vet. Their collective troubles begin when Freddy brings home a blind-drunk mafia moll, who is subsequently raped to death by the other hobos. This brings the heat down on the whole camp, as a violent cop tries to find the connection between the derelicts, the mob, and the melting corpses sloshing around in the streets. The results are, needless to say, a mess.

STREET TRASH is relentlessly hostile to all forms of life, salting its own festering wounds with a dash of brutally unfunny comedy. Writer and producer Roy Frumkes has said of his script, "I wrote it to democratically offend every group on the planet, and as a result the youth market embraced it as a renegade work, and it played midnight shows."  It’s hard for me to imagine what form of pleasure people derive from this film, but as Frumkes correctly notes, it does exist. The utterly debased narrative and its many scatological set pieces go so far above and beyond the call of flipping the bird to society, seething with bitterness and loathing in every frame, that one could wonder if the filmmakers weren't clinically depressed. The noxious brew of rape jokes, casual racism, miserable 'Nam flashbacks, and full-body incontinence foments such entirely bad vibes that you might feel like flushing yourself down the toilet by the end, just like the first victim does in the movie's admittedly spectacular opening salvo. 

But th brings me to my point: STREET TRASH is not just a bad movie made poorly. The execution of its signature scene, an elaborate splatterpunk version of the once-popular Goodbye Cruel World novelty knickknacks, is a genuine labor of love, monstrously creative, and one of the most indelible images in horror. If that's my favorite thing in the movie (besides an all too short appearance of the wonderful James Lorinz), my least favorite thing might be its second-most notorious scene, in which the junkyard’s demented denizens play football with a guy's severed cock--but as I just read, even this sequence is rendered with some amount of thoughtfulness. Apparently three separate dildos were used to pull off the gag, including an extra large version that was required for the shots of the dick hurtling through the air in slow motion, warping and wobbling as it soars towards its next receiver. I am strangely beguiled by the idea of director Jim Muro experimenting with how to shoot this scrimmage for maximum effect, choosing dongs that were the right size and weight for the type of motion that he wanted to capture on camera. This shows a decided lack of the kind of laziness that I have come to expect from movies that are this grimy and dejected-feeling. A too-long genital mutilation joke is the last thing I want to give anyone credit for, but here, I feel kind of forced to.

A hot bondage scene with Doctor Jersey Boy!

Why did I put myself through this, you might ask, clearly knowing what I was in for? STREET TRASH is in a small group of movies that make me feel like I'm missing something. They're so well-loved, and they do so little for me--without my being able to completely denounce them as worthless--that I feel this nagging obligation to check in on them now and again. Maybe this is the year that my horizons have expanded to the right degree; maybe I've finally seen a vast enough number and variety of movies that my whole context for something like this will have changed. For the most part, it seems like the days of that kind of radical change are behind me, as a grownass woman with many thousands of hours of viewing under my belt. I still don't feel whatever specialized joy people seem to get from STREET TRASH, and I expect I never will. I really don’t know what else to say at this point, except that in my brief research for this piece, I discovered that the director went on to a substantial career as a cinematographer whose work includes CRASH. No, not the Cronenberg one. The incredibly sappy, pretentious, and witlessly tasteless social justice one from 2004. And there is something I find perversely satisfying about that fact. I guess Muro is really fucking things up from the inside now.

[straykidsupdate]

Stray Kids Make Their Mark In NYC With World Tour "District 9: Unlock"

Nestled underneath the majestic Madison Square Garden in New York City lies Hulu Theater — a smaller, more intimate performance venue where every seat is given a front-row view. It's here, on January 29, 2020, where Stray Kids began their journey across the USA for Stray Kids World Tour "District 9: Unlock."

Bright lights on the ceiling of the venue illuminated the crowd below, but it's nothing compared to the hundreds of Stray Kids lightsticks, coined najimbongs, that many in the audience held in their hands. Fans sang along to Stray Kids songs while they waited in anticipation for the 8 idols to take the stage.

A theatrical VCR introduced the start of the show, much to the audience's delight. Screams grew louder as their biases appeared on the screen, and peaked when the screens separated to reveal Stray Kids. They were there. They were real. Yes, it was absolutely happening.

If you thought this would be an easy-going, relaxing concert — do we have news for you! Energy levels began at 325% right off the bat as Stray Kids jumped into a remix of "District 9." And yes, the song can go harder than it already does. The momentum never stopped as they continue on with "Victory Song," "Question," a remix of "Rock," an epic dance break that made its last appearance at KCON LA, and the iconic "Side Effects." We have to commend these boys and their energy: there were no breaks in between these high-impact performances.

"We worked really hard to unlock this world tour for you," Changbin shared after the group made their cheery introductions to the crowd. It was no lie — just within eight months since Stray Kids held their last USA tour, the group has accomplished so much. Seeing their fans, known as Stay, as many times as they can is unmistakably one of their top priorities. How can you tell? If you've seen the way their eyes shine as they stare into the audience, you wouldn't doubt the love they have for Stay one bit.

To counter the tenacious impact of their first few stages, Stray Kids brought about a chiller, more laid-back atmosphere with "M.I.A." Though no choreography accompanied this performance, Felix surprised the crowd by dancing to "Renegade," a dance trend that went viral on video-based social networking app TikTok. This is one honorable mention from the show that will go down in Stray Kids history.

The first unit stage followed — Hyunjin, Lee Know, and Felix wowed the crowd with a deeply seductive performance to "Wow." Yes, abs were involved (thank you, Felix). The trio, known to fans as Danceracha, effortlessly dominated the stage with their presence. Leader Bang Chan later designated their performance as "sexy time," and we have yet to see the lie in that statement.

"Mixtape #4" was the next song off the setlist, and many were not prepared for the emotions that the song brought: with its lyrics, Stray Kids assure us to keep moving forward despite difficulties that we may face and to know that although we might feel alone, we never really are. During Felix's rap, Stay united as one as they shouted: "Stray Kids nine or none, we're gonna cross the finish line," though there were only eight standing on stage. The amount of love and adoration held in the venue visibly grew after that point.

It was time to "Get Cool," and what better way to fill the "Awkward Silence" than with the fun, cheeky performances that followed next? Members chased and tickled each other — youngest member I.N. being the most popular target — and interacted with the crowd during these upbeat, cheerful tracks. It's moments like these were the relationship between Stray Kids and Stay truly show their colors — not only through the laughs shared or cheers exchanged but also through the concerned gasps from the crowd as they watched Hyunjin fake-throw Seungmin into the audience. But hey, I'm sure Stay would have caught him if it really happened, right?

Let's take a moment to think about the VCR that played next. Picture this: Stray Kids take to the streets, wielding weapons and destroying virtual buildings in the most magnificent way possible. Is this symbolism for Stray Kids fighting the system, taking it into their own hands, and building a district of their own? Or is it purely just a group of eight boys wanting to destroy things for fun? Either way, we're all for Stray Kids world domination.

But on the real, the true message that Stray Kids wanted to share came to light in their performance of "Levanter." Stray Kids isn't just the name of their group; it's what they represent. Reflecting on the words both seen in the VCR and spoken by the members, there are lost kids all around the world just trying to find their footing. Together, step by step, they can pave a road to move forward. Here lies the strength echoed in the words, "Stray kids everywhere all around the world."

Sentimental moments were followed by soft ones as vocalists Seungmin and I.N. reappeared on stage in baby blue accented outfits, serenading the crowd during "My Universe." Just as Danceracha appeared for their unit stage earlier in the show, this was Vocalracha's time to shine. Special shoutout to Changbin for his rap verse appearance — though his vocals could potentially land him a spot in Vocalracha, don't you think?

The eight members continued their serene mood with a performance of "Third Eye," complete with the smooth use of chairs as props in their choreography. Chairs made the choreography more dynamic, playing with levels changes and strategic placements that brought the performance to the next level of satisfaction. Speaking of satisfying, Felix's deep-toned rap over nothing but a heavy, rhythmic bass drum is something we can listen to over and over again.

Stray Kids then transitioned into a straight line formation, basked in a cool light as a ballad accompaniment of "I Am You" played softly in the background. Experiencing this song without the choreography gives Stay a completely new perspective of the performance, filled with more emotion and connection than can be explained by words. The feelings intensified as Stay joined Stray Kids with the words "Stay together, you and I."

Stray Kids gave Stay the ultimate whiplash as the stage flipped into one of the most chaotically satisfying performances of the night: 3RACHA finally made their appearance. Basked in red lights (a warning, perhaps?) and dressed in leather detailed jackets, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han lit the stage on fire with their performance of "We Go." Equal parts playful and chaotic, this unit, formed even before Stray Kids' official debut, really knows how to serve the heat - they're 3RACHA after all.

Following the wave of intensity that 3RACHA SUMMONED, the group reunited as eight on stage to perform a remix of "Road Not Taken" and an extended dance version of "My Pace." They take a moment afterwards to chat and interact with the audience. Han, being the overly excited delight that he is, fumbled with his words as he spoke. He laughed it off by apologizing to the translator, admitting he was too excited.

"I've never heard Stay scream this loud before," Bang Chan shared with the audience, "but I've never heard Felix scream so loud!" Felix laughed along with the entire venue in defeat — apparently, his excitement had gotten the better of him as well.

Changbin's comment felt all too real: "We want to be happy every day, but that's not always possible," he starts, "but I believe we can overcome these things and those hardships will pass like the wind." Bang Chan echoed his words, thanking Stay for their kind comments and for always staying by Stray Kids' side, which in turn started a chant of "we love you's" from the audience. The chant turned into a competition when Stray Kids started saying "we love Stay" in return. Who will win this exchange of love? We'll let you know (if it ever ends at all).

"Make sure to tie your shoelaces twice!" Bang Chan exclaimed as they jumped into "Double Knot." (Does he write his own material? Genius). Just like the beginning of the show, their energy stayed top tier as they lead into "Boxer" and their debut song "Hellevator." The stage production and background VCR for "Hellevator" was extremely impactful, using first-person point of view to transform the theater into a completely different world. It felt like a 3d virtual reality game where Stay accompanied Stray Kids on a journey through the fire and rubble, making their way out of this "Hellevator" together.

Stray Kids' performance to "Miroh" was taken to new levels with the introduction of drums, both as props and a backing beat to the hard-hitting instrumentals that ignite the chorus. An extended dance break made the stage even more exciting, but it also made us wonder how they're still jumping with so much energy. JYP, tell us your secrets, we beg of you.

And just when you thought this concert couldn't get any cuter, the next VCR introduced an interactive game. With games, came prizes — this one being Stray Kids returning to the stage for more performances. The premise of the game was simple: a Stray Kids song played while 8-bit icons appeared in beat at the bottom of the screen. When a clapping icon appeared, Stay had to clap. When a heart icon appeared, Stay had to form hearts over their heads. And, in true Stray Kids fashion, when a dab icon appeared, Stay had to hit the hardest dab of their life. "Get Cool" was the song that played during the practice round, with "Miroh" being the main stage of the game. Cameras panned through the audience, focusing on enthusiastic Stay in the crowd and screening them on the large LEDs on stage. It was a fun and entertaining way for Stay to participate in the show from their seats and also a clever way to get a whole theater to "dab to the left" at the same time. Several members mentioned they were watching the audience from backstage and called us "cute." If that's what it takes to make Stray Kids think we're cute, we might as well play this game all day, every day.

The final stage of the game was "unlocked," prompting Stray Kids to make their way back to NYC Stay, dressed in tour merch and bright blue accessories — Han wore a blue LA Dodgers cap (in NYC? We won't question it, we'll just let him do his thing.) while Lee Know had a soft blue sweater tied around his torso. The lyrics to "Grow Up" appeared in the background, inviting Stay to sing along. There was something soothing about singing the lyrics together, telling each other that you're doing fine, to just take your time, and that you can do it.

The inevitable finally arrived — final ments. It got real deep during Felix's last comments. "Having to express our love for one another — It gets me in the feels and I really want to do so much more for you guys. You're the reason why we are still Stray Kids. I really believe in Stay."

Changbin continued with his own set of sappy love-filled messages. "Now that I'm here with you, I'm so happy and excited. I shouldn't expect anything because you always surprise me! Thank you, this is for you." Changbin shared as he threw a cute finger heart to the crowd.

Before their last two stages, "YAYAYA" and a reprise of "Miroh," Bang Chan expressed his feelings. "As long as you guys invite us, we'll be glad to come back. You gave us the chance to come back here and we were so stoked! We'll give you guys the best 2020 ever, promise. It feels like Stay is a part of our family — it was your show and ours today."

Here's something important for Stay to remember as a takeaway from their show: You not only make Stray Kids stay — you make them grow. You make them succeed. You make them happy. This fan-idol relationship? It's a two way street. But it's a street that Stray Kids and Stay gravitate towards so effortlessly and make their home.

Thank you to SubKulture Entertainment and JYP Entertainment for the chance to experience this memorable night in New York City during Stray Kids World Tour 'District 9 : Unlock.' Make sure to keep supporting Stray Kids!

Don't miss your chance to see Stray Kids live on this tour! Tickets to upcoming locations are still available here: https://www.subkultureent.com/stray-kids

Source: KpopStarz

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

1.1 - BLOOD_WATER | Sephiroth

A/N: So I did a naughty. I started a new fanfic while in the middle of an old one. OH WELL. This one is much different and a little more involved with Before Crisis and Crisis Core. Unlike my NSFW version, this one is suitable for most people. Meaning there might still be some mild language. This is also a lot more slow burn compared to the others.

Hope you enjoy!

TAGS: Slow Burn, Mild Language, Angst, Future Bed Sharing, Future Angst, Original Male and Female Characters. Mostly Slow Burn.

 1.1 - Chapter I

🌑 - SOLDIER

“There’s nothing wrong with trying hold on

 and there’s nothing wrong with letting go. 

The trick is deciding which one is best for you”

-Unknown

[TRACK: Sleeping at Last - Saturn]

John Shir said no, and it seemed all her trying was for nothing. Three days ago, Citlali had been sure she had the promotion in the bag, but the harsh, cold way he said those words, she was more than certain her name would no longer be painted black on the board’s list. First-class, non-existent. Just another petty officer hidden in the Shinra walls.

“You’re not going to be first with how reckless you are.” Those words cut deep. “I’m telling Director Lazard you’re not ready. You’re never going to be ready.” 

She wiped the stray tear falling, rolling her eyes as she tried not to let her cheeks swell. She should have believed everyone when they said she wasn’t going to make it, her aunt, her cousins, everyone in the slums who heard her SOLDIER dreams. Now it seemed even her own superior hadn’t even a smidge of hope, and she should have stayed believing it. She should have kept her head low, walked out of Shinra, and hid back in the shadows of the slums in Sector Five. Where no one heard the name Citlali Sylea. Where the ruins of Rubrum and Flavo were figments of stories, the summons, the love, the hurt, it wouldn’t have happened. None of it.

She could have lived.

But when John had said those words, she knew they were somewhat true. John Shir, the first-class SOLDIER, never lied, never strayed from the truth, never gave false hope. What he said was straight from the heart, no matter how brutal it seemed. And Citlali’s lack of attention nearly cost them the lives of B-team. 

Six people. Six people would have been dead under her if John hadn’t reacted so quickly. 

“You need to be mindful of the people around you.” John had continued, stripping her away of her weapon, “If I was anywhere else, Citlali, you and every else under my orders would be dead.” 

And he hadn’t even given her a moment to rest her case. One lecture, one heartbreaking honest confession, and Citlali were now in the training room, her knuckles bleeding as she slammed her fist across the simulation’s manufactured soldiers. They may have been fake, but every shred of pain, blood sweat, and tear, was real. A single shot to the side wouldn’t leave a bullet wound, but it sure as hell would feel like one. Sending you down for the count, the timer ticking in your ear as you shrugged off the pain.

Citlali had felt the countless shots of SOLDIER bullets, the impact of another fist slamming into her face. She had plenty of scars and cuts and bruises to prove it. Much more caused by the scientist’s ability to simulate real pain then the missions she had been sent out on. 

She only wished she could conjure up a John look-a-like. Take on the seven-foot beast of pure muscle rather than the small Kalm Fang dogs she was required to take on. Sure she might not have won, nor would she have a chance, but just one punch across his square jaw would satisfy her for the rest of her life.

But if she asked any of the leading lab assistant’s to make one, their laughter would just shrink her down more so than John ever could. Sure she barely reached the required height of five-four, but that didn’t mean her bite was as small. Or, so she thought.

The simulation conducted the ending ceremony, and Citlali’s harsh breathing filled the room as the lighting trickled back down to the normal walls of the training room. Stark blue. Wiring buzzing in her ear as she removed the VR headset. 

“One mission down,” Citlali pulled out her cellphone, peeking at the setlist emailed to her the night before.  “Three hundred and forty-two left to go.” 

She grimaced at the idea. Fully knowing it was damn near impossible to do that many in a single day. A punishment, most likely. John knew how much Citlali resented the mindless training simulations. Every day, at the bright hours of six am, she’d come into the training room, groggy, yawning, John’s voice alerting her to prepare. It would take a surprising punch or two to wake but at some point she'd finally get the hint. John watching from the sidelines. Checking her vitals as she progressed higher and higher.

“This is stupid.” she’d say through the glass walls. Unknowingly staring in the corner, VR set strapped to her eyes, other equipment twirling on her arms and legs. She looked like a badly-done robot of Mako juice. “Why can’t we go do something else? Get a mission like all the other trainees.”

But John would simply say, “you’re not touching materia and mako orbs with a ten-foot-pole. Get back in there and do it again.

And day in and day out, Citlali would fight in the training rooms until her arms grew sore and her legs burned. And even then John would push her more. Waiting until she completely cracked under the pressure.

Citlali bet that was John’s point. Waking her up from her dreams. Bring her back to reality.

Three hundred and forty-two missions. 

If there was a sure-fire way to make Citlali see her errors, the mindless bore was definitely not the way. But she needed to get back in John’s good graces, and the only way to do that was forcing her way through said mindless bore. Hell, even if John didn’t appreciate it, Director Lazard would. Maybe she’d even get a few other nameless first class SOLDIER to turn heads.

Maybe she’d finally get a different superior officer to watch over her training. But she doubted that. She knew for certain they chose John specifically to mess with her. No other SOLDIER was as much as a hardass as he was, and giving how much he liked challenges, he thought taking the rambunctious second-class would be an interesting task. But know it seemed the two of them were regretting their choices.

Citlali didn’t need to prove anything. If she made it to third, to second, riding her way towards first under a SOLDIER like the others. It meant she was good enough to be there. John just was an obstacle. An obstacle she badly needed to punch.

But her fingers burned just thinking about it, and she hesitated to start up the next task. Waiting until her phone reminded her of the unreasonable amount of missions John had signed her up for. 

Citlali would be there all day, but that was the point. John was pissed. He wouldn’t outwardly tell her to fuck off, but he’d make her days a living hell, occupying her until her fingers broke and her bones grew weak. He’d keep her busy for damn sure, and three hundred and forty-two missions were the best way to convey his feelings without telling her.

The email neatly signed with SOLDIER-First Class John Shir, was the formal way of saying you’ll regret this.

But that was the thing. Citlali never had regrets. 

She didn’t need to prove anything, but it was nice to showoff. So without hesitation, Citlali placed the VR headset over her eyes, the combat simulator starting, and one more whisper.

“Three hundred and forty-one to go.”

[thepinkcar]

Hi!! I love your writing so much! Would you be able to do a part 2 of Love in the Dark? Thank you so much!

By popular request, why not!

—

Two Ghosts

pairing: reader x timothée

words: 1K

Part 1

Two years moves fast once you find yourself again. The feeling is a comfortable weight as you sit in your local bar’s makeshift backstage. Usually performances had you jittery and chatting with the band, exchanging laughs before tumbling out onto the small stage. The hobby turned side gig had only been a part of your life for a little over a year now. After you had walked away from Timothée almost two years ago, you found yourself picking up writing again. Before you knew it, your small poems became full fledged songs, you started to play your old guitar after letting it collect dust while traveling the past few years, and you were getting sporadic bookings for shows around your city. You even released a homemade EP that was met with an overwhelming amount of commercial success that sparked the interest of some bigger name labels. 

But there was no way in hell you were ever going anywhere near the entertainment industry side of things ever again.

Tonight’s gig was a little different than usual since you’d decided to do a few covers before being on your way for the night—you owed the manager a favor. As the time approaches, you and the band settle yourselves on stage while the manager bounds up giddily to introduce you.

“How’re y’all doin’ tonight?” he hollers, overly gesticulative. You bite back a laugh at the familiar energy while the bar crowd gives an equally energized hoot. “Now this young lady over here is a real treasure, let me tell you. And she’s giving us the pleasure of hearing her play some songs tonight!” The crowd cheers and you grin humbly, bowing your head.

“Are y’all ready?” you say smoothly, resisting the urge to cringe at your own drawl. With another round of cheers, the drummer starts the beat as you launch into your set. The setlist was laidback with folkier tunes—ballads from Hozier, melodies from the Lumineers, and the always-welcome authenticity of Kacey Musgraves. It wasn’t until the last song that you felt your heart constrict. 

“This is our last song for the night. A song that’s meant a lot to me the past couple of years, a kindred spirit to my own music. This one is Two Ghosts.” The drums tumble in as the guitars and bass follow. You take a breath and let your eyes close, singing the first verse earnestly. “Same lips red, same eyes blue, same white shirt, couple more tattoos. But it's not you and it's not me.”

It takes every thing in you not to cry around the chorus, all the feelings of months ago coming in a rush. Your eyes open again and you see in the corner of your eye a new group of people crowding around the bar. They’re rowdy young men, attempting to whisper in a way only drunk people do. You can only make out one of their faces, forest eyes watching you like he had seen a ghost. You pull away, playing your guitar solo before turning your attention on him completely.

“We're not who we used to be. We don't see what we used to see. We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.” You see Timothée finally return from his shock, his shoulders tensing as he stands straighter. You turn your attention back to the rest of the bar as you croon the last to lines, the final chords hitting their ears. As your met with applause you wave goodbye, following your bandmates off stage. You try to ignore the itch of Timothée’s presence along with the slew of questions bouncing around your brain.

-

“I almost didn’t recognize you. Your look is so…different.” You snort, giving yourself a once over.  The ripped jeans and flowy button up paired with golden chains and multiple rings on your fingers was definitely edgier than the a-line dresses and Mary Jane style heels you used to wear when you were with Timothée. This felt more like you.

“Well you haven’t seen me in awhile.”

“With reason,” Timothée says lowly. You raise a brow, taking a sip from your drink. You had decided to join him at the bar instead of hiding in the shadows until he left with his entourage and out of your life once again. There was something satisfying about his restless state; for once he was the lost one in the crowded room.

“What are you doing in Jersey, T? What’s for you here?” Your voice is even but cold. Timothée shrugs.

“Visiting old friends. I didn’t know you’d be playing tonight, if that’s what you’re wondering.” You hum, satisfied with what seemed to be honesty. You watched him more closely, taking in the familiar mess of curls and lanky figure. His face had matured but he was still lacking in the facial hair. A grin tugs at your lips.

“Well, was I at least any good?” you joke, taking another sip. Timothée smiles, relieved at the lack of interrogation. 

“Absolutely phenomenal. I was blown away. You have a calling or something,” he says earnestly. You roll your eyes and wave your hand dismissively. 

“Definitely not. I’m not going anywhere near industry people ever again.” He laughs bitterly, his smile becoming more of grimace. You take a longer sip.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. Genuinely. The way I treated you—“

“Timmy…”

“No, let me finish!” You jump when he raises his voice. “Sorry, but I need you to understand how absolutely awful I feel about how things ended. I never meant for things to go the way they did. I love you so much and I should have never put you through the pain of making you doubt that.” His jade eyes watched you intensely, but you could see his nose begin to tinge pink.

“I never doubted you loved me. I just didn’t think it mattered.” You see a rollercoaster of emotion read across his face until he crashes into heartbreak. You feel a lump form in your throat. “Don’t you get it? That’s what made it worse. You loved me and you still hid me away like I was shameful or something. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was sick of feeling like I was never really enough for you.”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what! It’s the truth Timothée! You can’t just—“

Everything sped up and slowed down all in one swift motion as he pulled you close, lips catching yours. A slow tender kiss to compliment the rapid beat of your heart and his jittery fingers. You pull away, blush heating your cheeks. Timothée appears equally shocked.

“I, uh, I still love you. I know it’s too late to fix things and that things have changed but I need you to know that. You’re perfect to me and I’m sorry I was such a fucking idiot but I’m absolutely crazy about you still,” he says breathlessly. You stare at him in bewilderment, a smile growing on your face. Before you can stop it, your cackling. Timothée looks at you curiously and grins, allowing himself to chuckle hesitantly.

“You’re such a drama king, Timmy, “ you snicker, finishing your drink before getting up. You see a flash of fear cross TImothée’s. “You’re lucky that I love you so much.” He beams, sitting up straighter.

“You still love me?”

“Always. But I need more time. We both do,” you answer softly. Timothée nods slowly, pausing for moment. You begin to walk backstage again. You need to get home soon, especially now that you have a lot to think over.

“Y/N?” You stop, turning back.

“Yes, T?”

“Two Ghosts, is that your favorite?” he asks. You’d almost swear he sounds melancholy.

“Sweet Creature. Sweet Creature’s my favorite.”