#comparing myself to others should make me more proud of how far ive managed to make it but its hard. like it could have been better.

[seraphim-soulmate]

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[rotatemp3]

i just had a job interview thing at an inn and the woman who interviewed me obviously asked me questions about myself which just made me realize how big of a loser i am. im 24 with no job experience, live at home, single and virgin, uni drop out. when im at home i can delude myself into thinking im ok bc hey i read books and im a good cook, but fact is in the eyes of society and everyone in it im a loser. im just so disappointed with myself that i havent tried harder in life and i feel like it's too late. i could die of shame. tmrw i have to try the job out but i feel like i'll be bad at it bc she said it's hard work (cleaning, serving). ive just lost all confidence lately. i feel like ive been so naive my whole life, i thought everything would eventually work out but since ive become an adult nothing goes right. and i feel like everyone can loo right through me and see how useless and fragile i am. i just wanna give up and go live alone in the woods but i still need money for living i guess

hi angel. first i want to say congratulations for landing a job interview!!! i'm proud of you... <3 and i hope that you are too!!! getting to that final stage of an interview can be difficult but you made it that far and that's definitely something you should be proud of!!! how was your first day? are you still working there now or was it not right for you? if you don't mind i would love to know... ok this is probably going to be long so i apologise. i want to start by saying that you're not alone in feeling this way... i can tell you honestly that i have felt this way too and i am sure plenty of people our age have too... those feelings that i should have done more than what i have done with all my time and all the shame/guilt/regret and everything else that comes with it... it's very hard. and as more time passes the more i dwell on it and the stronger those feelings become. it's hard not to feel this way when we're also surrounded by people who we can compare ourselves too... not the mention all the pressure we/others put on ourselves/us to be at certain stages in our lives when we hit a different age (to have a job/relationship/house when you're x years old)... but i also want to tell you that the period between our teenage years and our 20s is also an incredibly difficult time... one day you're a teenager and everyone is making decisions for you then suddenly you're in your twenties and you're on your own... it's a big change and it's hard. it's incredibly hard. i hope that you can give yourself some credit for making it this far!!! and i want to tell you that there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with being your age and having no job experience, living at home, being single, being a virgin, and being a uni drop out. there is nothing wrong with that at all!!! like i said, navigating through life as a young person can be the hardest years of your life and there's no right or wrong way to be a young person in this day and age. maybe you've done this or you haven't done that but that's ok!!! we all go through life differently and these things like having a job is in no way an indication of us living our life the "right" way. and there's nothing wrong with thinking things would have worked out eventually for you... you were younger back then... forgive yourself... and don't be too hard on yourself!!! i think we all have that hope that things will all work out for us and it's good to have hope... you're 24 now and it's definitely not too late because here you are applying for jobs and you managed to get an interview. i think you are doing so well!!! i am so proud of you for coming this far!!! i know it's easy for the mind to wander and think of all the things we could have done... but you're taking the steps now and that's all that matters. i hope that you can see how much you've actually done. be kind to yourself ok! you're worth so much more than these so called "milestones" that every young person is supposed to achieve at their age ok!!! you're not a loser... you're a kind soul who loves to read and is good at cooking. and you're trying your best now and i hope that you can find comfort in that <3 take care!!! i am always here for you if you need me. you'll be ok <3

[bucky-iss-bae]

Reminiscences - Peter Hale x OFC (Part 2)

Hello againnnn - so I’m finally back, finally going to be active. 

My life has been a mess, I’ve not been motivated, and mentally I’ve gone through a lot the last 10 months, got thorugh University, Graduated, got a job, was a shit job, got another grad job during quarentine, and it’s been good and bad... 

Sorry for never posting and being bad at this, but I want to bounce back, so now its timmmeee. Also this Fic is actually completed. 

Want to post more, and just give you guys good content xoxo 

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Peter Hale x OFC (Calla)

Word Count: 2900 (Sorryyy, idk why it’s so long) 

Warnings: None - Slow Start I guess

Summary: Calla has grown up as Derek’s best friend, she’s known the Hales her whole life,she’s known their secrets and everything in Beacon Hills. Things in Beacon Hills are quiet, the pack are a family, and Calla realises that Peter knows more of her secrets than she realises.

A/N: Hope you all enjoy, any feedback is welcome x

Masterlist Fandom List

Peter Hale x OFC - Reminiscenes Part 1 

Part 2 

The days following that evening I completely ignored Peter. I saw him whenever he was lurking around Derek’s, I even went to the efforts of walking the complete opposite direction as him when I went grocery shopping. But if he remembers, everything every single thing I told him. Then I may as well die now. Especially since he’ll use that against me. This is Peter we’re on about.

“So you’ve apparently been ignoring Peter?” Derek asked once he settled onto my couch on Thursday.

I rolled my eyes, “And. There’s nothing wrong with that, he’s a psycho”

Derek huffed out a laugh, “There is when it makes him mopey. He comes around to mine in hope that you’re there you know”  

“Well, maybe he should stop trying to be such a stalker” I told his nephew. It was weird that there was such a large but short age difference between Peter and us. He wasn’t ever seen as the adult when we were younger, he had a boyish smirk, he had charm, and wit, and was so different compared to how he is now. He completely changed because of the fire, and the 5 years of solitude almost. He grew up, yet I didn’t see this change despite being the only person visiting him. I didn’t know he was the alpha yet I made a fool out of myself by being there for him, and he couldn’t even trust me.

“You sure it’s that?” Derek asked.

“Derek. If you’re here to talk about Peter then you can just leave. Actually no you can’t you don’t have an option, stop talking about Peter, tonight is about us. If you want I’ll send him a text saying hi later and then ignore him”

Derek shook his head a small smirk on his face. I felt a bit bad that I was taking Derek away from his boyfriend. But I needed my best friend sometimes as well.

“Good, now how are things with Stiles going?”

Derek huffed out a laugh, “They’re going well. Really well actually, never really thought that I would end up with him, but it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And I sound like a soppy teenager. So let’s talk about your love life”

I snorted, “Right, what love life? Actually, I went on a date last week, it was a complete failure. I’m just glad that the girls who set me up with him don’t work in the same department as him”  

Derek started to laugh, “How comes I didn’t know about this?”

“Because I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t even... it wasn’t even a big deal for me. I wasn’t excited, I just wanted to get it over and done with, and the worst thing is when I was getting into my car at the end of the night he tried to kiss me. And Derek I still cringe, what happened was I turned my head so fast he kissed my hair. Completely missed the cheek”

This caused Derek to laugh, loudly, at me. “Wow Calla. Who would’ve thought huh?” He asked.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Shut up. It was a mess, so I rather not talk about that. Instead, I’m going to set up a tinder profile.”

Derek still had this amused smirk on his face, it was nice seeing him like this. For the first time in years, he was happy. His life was on track, sure there were constant threats to the town, but that happens, that’s part of the job description of being a werewolf, and with Derek being a complete shifter, it makes a difference.

But being with Stiles makes a difference, you can literally see the way that he looks at him, and I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time. He’s almost that young cocky guy he once was, but a more matured version who has a history to him. Who has so much more to himself than ever before, and I’m proud of him. Proud of everything he’s gone through and defeated. I know his mom, and sister would also be proud of him, whether he’s an alpha or not, he’s still so powerful, and has such a good heart.

“Let’s get started then” He grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes and rather than Pizza we ordered Chinese food, and rather than watching a film we created a tinder profile for me. It was terrible, Derek called in the big guns and Stiles was on Face time with us, which made it even worse for me. But I didn’t mind, I love stiles, and boy let me tell you he added spice to my basic profile. And obviously gave my pictures a yes or no.

“I’ve helped you guys this far, let me help with the swiping” Stiles said through the phone.

I scoffed at him, “Derek say bye to your man he’s helped enough”

Derek shook his head with a small smile on his face, “You heard the boss” He said to him.

“All that help, you better show me your matches or who you’ve spoken to over the next few days Calla. I’ll know if you don’t”

I laughed at him and Derek soon hung up, “Come on, let’s see who’s around then”

Both Derek and I started swipping through these guys, commenting to each other, and swiping left or right. Mainly left. Let’s be honest. Most of these guys either looked like guys who were balding too early in life, or others who were after a quick fuck. Despite everything I did manage to swipe right a few times.

“Please let’s stop now. Like, if you think I’m going actually going to find anyone through tinder its... not likely. It’s just a bit of fun, could lead to a quick lay”

“The same way Stiles and I getting together wasn’t likely”

I grinned at him “I should’ve called it. When you constantly wanted to get mad at him, way back when, and you just couldn’t. But that itself feels like years ago”

“Yeah, the same way my uncle spared your life?” Derek said back.

I glared at him and hit his arm, “I hate you, and I’m pretty sure your uncle is a sociopath”

“Yeah. Same but, let’s be real here. He has a soft spot for you Calla”

“Derek, I will stab you if you don’t shut up.��

“I would love to see you try”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “I will call Argent right now and get him to help me out”

He laughed, “Alright, I’ll shut up now. I’m sorry”

I nodded, “You better be sorry... Also why do you keep bringing up your uncle of all people to me?” I asked curiously.

Derek knows nothing of what I done whilst he was away, he knows nothing of the feelings I once harboured for Peter, maybe I still do which is why I’m so defensive, but no one needs to know this. But still, there’s got to be a reason behind Derek’s madness right now. Maybe Peter wormed his way into his head? It’s a possibility.

“You just said you wanted me to shut up”

I shrugged, “Just curious. Then you can shut up, and we can watch something”

He shook his head, “The way he acts around you I guess. He’s a prick towards everyone, including you don’t get me wrong, but he’s a different type of prick round you. And he cares about you, he gets protective, worries, cares”

I would be lying if I said that didn’t affect me, but it does. Although it means nothing.

“Derek, are you forgetting that I was basically raised around him. Wherever you were, he was, or the other way around. Like he’s been a constant figure in my life for a very long time. Sure he wasn’t mobile for a few of those years. But he was still in Beacon Hills. So maybe that’s why, maybe he has something that slightly resembles feelings from when he’s younger and he sees me as the kid that he used to teach basketball to, and just putting this out there I am amazing at basketball, which has got to be the meaning behind this madness, and this is because of him, and maybe a little you, but still”

“Really? We live in this town, and that’s what you call madness?” He asked.

“Yes Derek. That is madness, you’re forgetting I’m just a human girl who only just knows how to defend herself and I rather have that as my type of madness instead of anything else”

“How have you actually been?” He asked me giving me a serious look, “Like... you’ve literally been thrown into this world again, months after your parents passed away, and sure that was a couple of years ago, but you rarely see your younger brother because he’s working abroad, and the only other family you have is us. But most weekends we’re off fighting something supernatural, and you’re just at the loft, waiting.”

I shrugged, “I’m fine Derek. I’m happy... sure I miss my parents a lot and that set me back a lot. That made me want to constantly curl up into a ball and just cry. But having you back, having this normal-ish again. These last few months, I’ve gotten better. Ive also got my girls” I said with a smile, but he looked at me, waiting for me to elaborate causing me to sigh and twist my body completely towards him,

“Derek, I’m working an amazing Job, sure it doesn’t pay the best but I don’t need the money. I have money, instead I’m doing something I enjoy, and they’re easy shifts. I’ve always wanted to be an elementary teacher, but without the stress so a teaching assistant is the best thing. And I have Fridays off, and I do talk to my brother. Just not as often as I want because he’s doing so well for himself in London. And I have you Derek, I have my life long best friend. After everything we’ve been through we’re both here and we’re both happy. Sure my life could be further along than it currently is, but I’m finally in a good place”

He nodded at me, “Good” He whispered, “I’m happy to hear that”

“I hate you” I said shaking my head, but in reality he knows that I love him and he is my absolute best friend no matter how much I want to kill him.  

**

Apparently Lydia and Malia found it amusing that I now have an online dating profile. Everyone did, all aside from one person. That person I’m still avoiding but he still finds a way to worm his way into my life, especially since I’m currently sat with the girls, who are judging each and every guy whose photo I scroll through, and his face pops up.

Malia was laughing, seeing her father’s face on my phone, and Lydia finding it as amusing made me realise I need more friends other than Derek my age. Especially since Lydia decided on swiping right.

“Well, well, it’s a match” Lydia laughed, “But it makes me think, whats the maximum age you’re hitting here”

I rolled my eyes with a small scoff, trying to keep my heartbeat in place, “Well, if I wanted to talk to him. I would, yet I’m not, and you just swiped for me, that’s not fair, and guy my age are… I don’t know” I said to them.

“Well he clearly wants to talk to you” Lydia murmured.

I scoffed, “He wants to get under my skin. It’s what he does. Anyway don’t you girls have I don’t know other stuff to do?” I asked trying to change the subject.

“Nope, completely free tonight.” Lydia grinned.

I internally groaned but only seconds later was I literally saved by the bell, my phone started to ring, and Derek’s name popped up.

“Hello” I answered.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“I’m at Lydia’s place. With Lydia and Malia. Why?”

“No reason. Just, a few threats about, tell me when you’re going to leave to get home, and message me when you get there alright”

I rolled my eyes but had a small smile on my face, “Yes of course Derek. Do you know who or what it is?”

“Not sure yet. Probably isn’t something too dangerous. But whatever it is, they’re drawing other hunters to town. And now we have twice as much to look out for.”

“Stay safe then Derek. Does Chris know the hunters?”

“He’s looking into it”

I nodded, “Alright then. Just make sure you’re all safe and everything ok”

“Yeah always. Remember to message me when you get home” He then hung up and I looked at Lydia,

“What’s happened?” She asked me,

“Something else is out there, along with some hunters. And now I’m worried that these hunters will obviously know about our boys, and one thing will lead to another and someone might get hurt”

She had a worried expression on her face before looking at Malia who was on the phone to Scott, “We’ll figure it out. We always do”

I nodded, although I didn’t get involved as much considering I’m human with no special ability at all, and no badge, and well I’m not the smartest of the bunch. I just make sure everyone’s safe and worry about them all whilst making sure they eat and do their homework. That’s obviously the teacher side of me coming out there, no matter what ages I teach even if I am only a teaching assistant who works 4 days a week.  

“So Scott just said that Stiles and Chris are trying to find out who the hunters actually are, and that he Derek and Peter are going to find whatever’s out there. He told me to stay here...”

“You’re not are you?” Lydia asked.

Malia smirked and shook her head, “Nope. And I’m pretty sure you two won’t either, so who’s going to drop me off at Scott’s house?”

Both Lydia and I looked at each other before sighing and getting up, we got our stuff together, she called out to her mom telling her that we were going to Scott’s before we all left.

**

“What are you all doing here?” Scott asked once we walked in.

“You think we’re really going to let all the boys have the fun?” Malia asked her boyfriend, “And come on, I know those woods better than anything” She shrugged.

No one could deny that, both her and Chris were the best hunters here. As in being able to physically find something with the given clues.

“And I’m here to assist Stiles and Chris apparently” Lydia shrugged, everyone easily let that pass before all eyes were on me.

“I thought I told you to go home. It’s dangerous”

I shrugged, “I know. I really didn’t have any other choice” I said nodding my head towards Malia.

“Well you should just go home then. You’ll just be in the way otherwise” Peter snapped at me.

I rose my eyebrows at him, silently cursing Lydia for swiping right on his stupid face.

“I might just stay, make sure you don’t snake anyone out” I spat back to him.

“What and you think you’ll be able to stop me?”

“Peter won’t do anything, we’re not even sure what the problem is at the moment. So just go home Calla” Derek told me.

I felt a bit taken back at how blunt and rude he was at that, and considering no one decided on saying anything, I just grabbed my bag and left without a word. Because hey there’s nothing new there, being treated like I’m nothing despite seeing everyone as family. I would’ve expected a bit more considering they’ve got literal kids in there helping yet I can’t. Even if it is to make sure they’re all safe and not making stupid plans. I was there when Talia was alpha, I know how things work. Instead I just get embarrassed surrounded by my friends, and left to feel worthless because I’m of no help.

As soon as I got in my car, I knew that all I needed right now was a glass of wine, and some trash TV.

Which is exactly what I done when I got home, wine, some trash TV, and the comfort of my own apartment. And as petty as I may sound, I just hate feeling this way, and knowing that it’s something that constantly happens, I don’t see why I get involved in the first place. It’s the same old thing, I try and be there for everyone, they shut me out whenever shit goes down and I just keep running back. But no this isn’t going to keep happening because this week I will make the time and effort to go out with my girlfriends. I’ll dress up and have fun without worrying about anything else. Derek won’t be there to stop me, Peter won’t be there with his snarky remarks, and I won’t be surrounded by teenagers.

Which is exactly why I messaged my friends that I’m always talking to yet never have the time to see because I’m constantly with everyone else. We spoke for a little while before I asked when everyone was free for drinks, and guess what this girl is doing on Thursday after work. A night out, with my girls, and I can’t wait.  

Because I really felt in the mood to treat myself, I also planned on going shopping with one of the girls tomorrow after work. So no harm done there, I’ll buy myself a new outfit, some new makeup all ready for Thursday.

Peter Hale x OFC - Reminiscences Part 3 

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 22:  The Last King of Jerkland

Part 21

Hey all! Welcome back to another exciting week of Fire Emblem IV, where we once again ignore the actual evil empire to go rough up another, smaller empire, basically because they’re louder and more annoying and invading is the only way to make them stop bitching for five minutes.  You might not think this is a priority, but you don’t have Lewyn’s strong tactical mind.  A new chapter, so let’s get right on into it.

As their headquarters, uncertain of how to next act. Beyond Meath and the engulfing maw of its peaks lies the dracoknights’ kingdom, Thracia.

(“He also just betrayed Arvis last week by letting Blume die so he could invade the north, but we’re going to pretend that didn’t happen, shut up.”)

Thracia is the only state anywhere in Jugdral regarded as an ‘ally’ by the Grannvale Empire.

(Guess which two of these quirky minibosses will not be important. Hint: it will be the two who we’ve killed before only they had different names and maybe slightly different hair colors.)

Travant has fortified his kingdom for one final, full-scale showdown with the liberators. And Thracia’s people hardly offer Seliph an eager welcome; fearing Seliph as a conqueror, they flock in droves to take up arms themselves.  How could any justice lie in this conflict? For whose sake is this war being fought?

(… For Leif, mostly?)

For the first time, these questions now shake Seliph and his army’s resolve…

(Except, again, for Leif. He’s pretty down with this whole situation.)

Travant, Eeeeew: I’ve no interest in any more excuses! Don’t you dare belittle me, Altena. You are a warrior beyond compare, and you and Arion embody my will beyond these walls. I expect no less than for you to do your duty! And what do I find instead? You’ve ignored my orders, left an entire platoon to the slaughter, and strolled home as if nothing ever happened! I’ve never been more disappointed in you.

Altena: I’m sorry, Father, but at least let me explain! I could never agree with such tactics, which enrich only us at the expense of everyone else! How could you ever expect the proud Thracian people to accept prosperity built on the bones of others? Please, Father, rethink your ways!  

Arion: Enough, Altena. There’s no place here for such meddling. Still your tongue and obey Father! Father, bear in mind Altena is still young and unseasoned. I suspect she merely found the last battle too overwhelming a prospect. Please forgive her, even just this once.

Travant: You know, Arion? If you’d just hold back on the coddling, perhaps Altena wouldn’t be so stubborn! … Look, Altena. I’ll give you one last chance. Take a dracoknight platoon and retake Meath. If you slip again, then daughter be damned, I will accept no excuses! Understood?

Altena: Yes, Father…

Travant: Phew, family resemblance indeed… it’s plainly obvious that she loathes me.

Arion: Father, you have to remember that she’s still a child. Like all children, she has yet to realize that her thoughtless words have real effects.  

(I forgot what a giant enabler Arion is.  You could try standing up to someone, sometime, pretty boy.)

Travant: Hmph, I suppose… I’m off to Kapathogia. I hear Hannibal’s found himself some funny ideas about my plans. And so it falls to me to ensure he loses them before somebody gets hurt…

(*sigh* You’re going to kidnap a baby again, huh.)

Arion: I’ve never seen Father so fearful… what could possibly have happened…?

(He’s realized he’s a shitty general and started a fight he can’t win? Because I am… I am just going to wreck him. Nothing personal. … It’s a little personal.)

Travant: Your armored knights will join her at once!

Hannibal: Your Majesty, I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it again. There is no use fighting this war! We must arrange a truce with the liberators if we wish to recover the strength to endure! Bowing to the Empire was a despicable choice to start, one which left us serving our citizens to the true enemy on a gilded platter.

Travant: I did not ask for your opinion! The rebels have slaughtered my soldiers and stolen our territory. The hour is far too late for a truce!

Hannibal: I thought as much… very well. I suppose I have no choice.

Travant: What’s this, Hannibal? Do I hear traitorous rumblings coming from that mouth of yours?

(… No?)

Hannibal: Come now, your Majesty! Never would a warrior such as I consider turning my cloak. Traitor, indeed!

Travant: Really, now… then I trust you won’t object to a test of your warrior’s loyalty. Until the war reaches a victorious end, Hannibal, I’ll be taking care of your son.

(Called it!)

Hannibal: I beg your pardon, your Majesty?! Do you truly have so little faith in me?!

Travant: You have nothing to worry about, Hannibal. If you don’t intend to betray me, then I don’t intend to so much as scratch the boy.

Hannibal: …

Travant: Men! Bring me Hannibal’s son!

(Okay, not a baby, but it’s the thought that counts.)

Travant: Remember, Hannibal. You have nothing to worry about, so long as you behave yourself. As soon as this war is won, you’ll get him back. I admit I don’t understand, though… the boy isn’t even your real son. How could he have such sway over you?

(FOOOOOOOOOOORESHADOWING)

Hannibal: Cairpre has brought much joy into my life. A true family transcends simple blood…

Travant: Ohohohoho! Could it be? Does Thracia’s great statesman have a soft spot for children? Now, then. Thracia depends on you, Hannibal!

(What a dick!)

(Nobody likes a suck-up, Distler.)

Distler the Suck-up: Rest assured, milord. Luthecia is an impregnable wall! I’ve seen to it myself.

Travant: I’ll hold you to your word. Now, I’ve reason to doubt the loyalty of Hannibal at Kapathogia. I’ve taken his son hostage, just in case, and I’m leaving him to your custody.

Distler the Suck-up: Yes, sir! I’ll not let him out of my sight! But should Hannibal turn his cloak-

Travant: Then kill the son. Don’t be lulled into offering even a child any mercy.

Distler: Understood, milord.

Travant: Good. In that case, I think I’ll leave the defense of Grutia to your hands. Try not to get too cocky with the rebels, Bishop. They’re of a treacherous sort.  

(“Also, that kettle is black.  Hm…. When did I become a pot? This must be Altena’s fault.”)

(“That’s because it is meaningless. Unfortunately, it seems someone on the writing staff really digs their Thracian Peninsula D&D game setting and managed to worm it into the story here. And that, Seliph, is why you always hire an editor.”)

Lewyn: The point of a battle comes from how you conduct yourself in it, Seliph.

(That doesn’t even make sense!)

Lewyn: And we hardly have much choice at this point!

(… okay that’s a better reason.)

Seliph: But what of that dracoknight who was watching us from the Manster peaks? I’ve seldom seen such a sad look in anybody’s eyes… how could I fight somebody like her…?

(Well, I mean, not to spoil you or anything, but…)

Lewyn: That’s enough, Seliph! This is war! If you can’t handle it, then leave! Run home to Tirnanog!

(… Where the fuck did that come from?!)

Seliph: Lewyn…

Oifey: I beg your pardon, Lord Lewyn?! His Majesty is tired and stressed! Such harsh words are uncalled for.

Lewyn: Look, I know. But everyone else is just as stressed, yet they all know we can’t afford to stop. With the resurrection of Loptyr on the horizon, it’s crucial we get to Grannvale and stop the world falling to ruin while we still can.  

Seliph: Thank you, Oifey… but Lewyn speaks the truth.  An inevitable battle lies ahead, and if we see in it naught but futility, then my duty is to carve my own purpose into it. I’ll never again flinch or turn away!

(Seliph could see her eyes, apparently, so if Leif missed her entirely he’s got a lot to learn about being a chosen prince with bad hair.)

Leif: Oh, the woman? I saw her. I don’t believe it’s every day that you encounter a female dracoknight, is it? Was there something amiss about her?

Finn: It was her weapon… she was wielding Gae Bolg, Leonster’s holy lance. And I sensed an aura cloaking her… the holy aura of Nova, like your father.

Leif: What? What are you saying, Finn?!

Finn: There is only one explanation, my lord. Your sister, Altena, must not have died in the Thracian ambush seventeen years ago.  Nor was Gae Bolg lost.

Leif: Altena?! She’s… she’s still alive?! Then what in the blazes was she doing commanding a Thracian army?

(… Duh, dude.)

Finn: I’d surmise that Travant took her back to Thracia as a child, and raised her as his own.

Leif: Huh… who knew a man as cold as Travant could do something so humane?

(… Leif, for fuck’s sake, try to keep up here.)

Finn: It isn’t so simple, milord. Altena is the inheritor of your father’s holy lineage from the goddess Nova. As such, unlike you, she is capable of wielding the Gae Bolg. Power is the only reason a man like Travant would ever be so kind to his enemy’s child.  

Leif: So he’s tricked my sister just so he can use her as a weapon! Travant… what a disgusting man… … I want to help her, Finn. If we can make her see the truth, I know we can work together to avenge our parents.

Finn: My lord, I believe you’re the only one who could possibly convince her now. Even after all these years, my lord, you are still her brother. I’m certain she will open her heart to you if you try.  Please, my lord. Please save Lady Altena…

Whoo! And that’s a hell of an infodump, but time to start the map.  First, of course, it’s time to ignore the enemy for five hours while we engage in gladiatorial combat for blood money.  This time, though, I’m going to do things a liiiiittle differently. It will be pricey, but anyone… let’s who is level 15 or lower, and who has access to a solid 40K gold, will be shelling out the money to buy the Paragon Band before their run and then sell it when they’re done.  This is expensive, seriously expensive, but it will double everyone’s arena EXP gains and should shoot all our levels quite a bit. And we have cash to spare, so why not?  Catch you on the flip side!

Seliph: Seven wins, gained two levels: +3 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Julia: Seven wins, gained one level: +1 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Resistance

Shanan: Seven wins, gained two levels: +3 HP, +2 Skill, +2 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Resistance

Oifey: Six wins, gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Luck

Ulster: Seven wins, gained five levels: +5 HP, +5 Skill, +3 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck, +2 Defense

Larcei: Seven wins, gained five levels: +6 HP, +3 Skill, +1 Strength, +2 Speed, +3 Luck, +2 Defense

Lester: Seven wins, gained four levels: +4 HP, +2 Skill, +1 Strength, +3 Speed, +1 Magic, +2 Luck, +2 Defense

Dermott: Seven wins, gained four levels: +4 HP, +3 Skill, +2 Speed, +3 Luck, +2 Defense

Nanna: Seven wins, gained three levels: +3 HP, +2 Speed, +1 Magic!!!!!!, +1 Luck, +1 Defense, +1 Resistance

Fee: Seven wins, gained five levels: +5 HP, +2 Skill, +1 Strength, +2 Speed, +3 Magic, +3 Luck, +2 Defense, +3 Resistance

Ced: Seven wins, gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Skill, +2 Magic, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Arthur: Seven wins, gained five levels: +8 HP, +1 Skill, +3 Magic, +2 Luck, +3 Defense, +3 Resistance

Tinni: Seven wins, gained five levels: +5 HP, +1 Skill, +4 Magic, +4 Luck, +1 Resistance

Patty: Seven wins, gained two levels: +3 HP, +2 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck, +1 Resistance

Faval: Seven wins, gained two levels: +3 HP, +2 Speed, +2 Luck, +1 Defense

Leif: Seven wins, gained five levels: +7 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +3 Speed, +2 Luck, +1 Defense

Johan: Six wins, gained levels: +2 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Defense

Finn: Six wins, gained one level: +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Resistance

Ares: Seven wins, gained four levels: +4 HP, +2 Speed, +1 Magic, +2 Luck, +2 Resistance

Not bad, though it’s hard not to be a little sad at the people starting to fall behind; anyone who isn’t a kid and doesn’t have a holy weapon is going to start finding it harder to get all seven wins from now on.  Johan, Finn, and Oifey just couldn’t pull through no matter how much I screwed around with the RNG… er… I mean… no matter how… fair I was.  On the bright side, though, we do get four brand new promotions!

Larcei, Fee, Arthur, Tinni, and Dermott are also on the verge, having all hit level 19.  So basically, it’s hard to look at this as anything but a major win.  Go go combat potential! And we will need it, since shit’s about to get fucked.  

Here’s the chapter map; we start in the northeast corner, and Hannibal and Altena’s units will start moving toward us immediately.  Altena, obviously, we can just talk to with Leif, that’s no biggie. But to recruit Hannibal (of course he’s recruitable, why would you even question that) we need to go save his son from Distler in Luthecia castle. The issue comes from the fact that Hannibal and his own castle are between us and there, and he’s of course hostile.  Which means we need to get Seliph and presumably some other units for backup past Hannibal, without killing the dumb bastard, save Cairpre, and get him back to talk some sense into his dad. Again, without killing him. There’s a trick to it, but it’s not guaranteed to work. In general the whole thing is a pain in the ass and frankly it might be better for everyone’s sanity to just kill Hannibal, but that just ain’t how I roll. Let’s do this shit!  

First, though, Faval and Patty have a chat.    

(I feel like I have to mention she literally used her ability to steal money as the reason Seliph should keep her around.)

Faval: Ugh. Look, I don’t care if you’re just stealing from the enemy. I don’t like you stealing at all!  Knock if off, okay?

Patty: What, do you think I like doing this? That I steal for the fun of it?! This army needs to eat, y’know, and we need gold for that! We don’t have all that many options here!  

Faval: Yeah, but haven’t you heard what people are saying about you? I’ve caught people mocking you, like being a thief’s a walking punch line… “What else can ya expect from a pirate’s brat? Like mother, like child,” they kept saying. Of course, I wiped the floor them…

Patty: It doesn’t matter what people think, Faval!  Let them say whatever they want. Doesn’t change a thing about Mom… and it doesn’t change that she was heir of Ullur the Crusader! I was in tears when Lewyn told me about her… I’ve never been so happy!

Faval: Yeah, me too… y’know, we haven’t exactly had the easiest lives… poor orphans and all that. I never even dreamed our mother could actually be a noblewoman!  I don’t suppose you remember anything about her, Patty?

Patty: Nope, not a thing. You?

Faval: Yeah, but… only a little. She was a kind and beautiful woman…

(“And she constantly smelled of the blood of her many, many victims.”)

Patty: So is she… do you think Mom’s dead?

Faval: I can’t say for sure… but as soon as the war’s done with, Patty, we’re gonna go look for her. We’ll find our mother… Bridget… and even though we don’t know his name, maybe we’ll find our father too.

Patty gains +1 Luck from this conversation, and that must be the tipping point because canonically Bridget did survive and they eventually find her. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s canon.  Look up Fire Emblem: Thracia 776 for details, but I wouldn’t recommend actually playing it.  

Now, the majority of the army deploys in standard horde formation and getting ready to stab the crap out of every Thracian, but Fee is going to run off on her own.  See, all the map’s villages are directly to the west of the starting castle, across a mountain range, and she’s the only one who can reach it in time to kill the bandits before any of them get destroyed.

Only the one with the axe off to the side will destroy any villages, so we have time, but I don’t want to lose a single one.  Some of them have items, if I remember right, and even if they don’t I just blew like a billion gold on making everyone super buff.  End turn!

Hannibal: Wait. For the time being we should remain on the defensive. I’d prefer to avoid any  needless skirmishes with the enemy.

Lieutenant Palette-Swap: But sir, what about…

Hannibal: … My son. I know, but… for now, I would rather hold back and let the battle unfold, first. My apologies, Kanatz, but I’d like you to take charge of defending the castle.

Kanatz: As you will, sir!

Okay, I guess only Altena moves toward you on turn one. I coulda sworn they both did, but whatcha gonna do? Second verse, same as the first; no enemies are in range, so I move up toward Hannibal’s line and have Fee continue making a beeline straight west across the mountains.  Unfortunately, all of hannibal’s units are armor knights, meaning you have to get right up in their noses before they can move far enough to attack you.  I suspect next turn will look much the same as this one.  End!

Cairpre: Papa doesn’t want to fight! He’s out there risking his life all because of me…

(Cairpre has a distinct, deep misunderstanding of what a hostage is, I think.)

Distler: Silence, boy! If Thracia’s legendary Shield refuses to ply his warrior’s craft of his own will, then we’ll force him to by any means necessary!

Cairpre: Oh, papa… sorry…

Cairpre might be a bit of a loser.  Off to the southeast, Altena’s unit moves up again; they’ll be attacking us next turn, and will be intercepted by Tinni, Arthur, Julia, Leif, Nanna, and Faval. The rest of the team moves forward, pausing in the edge of Hannibal’s unit’s movement range on the forest tiles for extra sweet, sweet defense.   Oh, and Fee continues her field trip, of course. End turn, and let’s do this!

Hm. Not great. Tinni, you could stand to dodge. And two of the wyverns went off after Finn, because he was on the edge of their range and I didn’t notice. Buuuut, I think we got this. First step, I think, is to wipe out Altena’s unit so Leif can reach her.

Awesome!  Now Leif can reach Altena, and…

*twitch*  Welp, mountains fucked that one up! Hopefully Altena won’t shank someone to death or try to fight someone who’s invincible.

Okay, I may have to reset this, but for now let’s play as though it’s not a horrible issue.  Western front, rock out.  

That was not as many kills as I’d been hoping for!  This… is going to hurt. But on the plus side, I was already half-planning to reset, so… end turn.

…. Shit. Ares, please go easy on him?  Hannibal, please use Pavise! Twice, possibly!

FUCK YOU, you stupid old bastard.  Ulster should definitely have died in over the course of this encounter. Did you see how low his health got?! He should not have survived what he did here!  And yet, he did. Everything was going not merely fine but miraculously fine. And then this jackass, who I must note had a very solid chance to survive this battle thanks to his broken obnoxious special ability, runs up to commit suicide and just leaves the Pavise behind on the kitchen table, I guess.  

I should leave him dead. I should leave him dead.  

…

*sigh*

Reset.  

To the east, the people who did their fucking jobs last time repeat a smashing victory, with one difference: I don’t fuck up my movement and can get Leif close enough to chat with his sister.    

(*snerk*  “Waaaaaaait!” What a drama-prince.)  

Leif: I… I am Leif, of House Leonster.

Altena: Oh, I see… the famous Prince Leif, is it? In case it wasn’t obvious… and evidently, it wasn’t… I am Altena, daughter of Travant.

(Altena’s snark game is on-point, damn. Though I guess it’s easy to be snarky when your enemy appears to have an unkempt porcupine on his head.)

Leif: Listen to me, Altena! Your true parents are Prince Quan and Princess Ethlyn, whom Travant slew seventeen years ago. You vanished in Travant’s attack, and so too did Gae Bolg, the sacred earth lance of Leonster… the very lance resting in your hand as we speak! Only a true heir of House Leonster can wield Gae Bolg.  

Altena: What are you talking about?! Are you seriously trying to claim my true father is my king’s arch-enemy?!  That could never be… it mustn’t…

Leif: Look into my eyes.  If anything can prove the truth of my words to you, it will be my eyes. Please, sister…

Altena: Fine… What is this…?!  I know you’re lying, but… but I can’t bring myself to doubt you anymore…

(This would stretch belief quite a bit, if it wasn’t established by earlier interactions that Crusader heirs with similar bloodlines actually can instinctively sense each other. So it only looks like Leif has brainwashed her with his hypno-eyes.)  

Leif: Altena…

Altena: Wait!  I… I must speak with Father. I need to confirm this…

(Bad, bad plan, honey.)

Altena: Or was my father really Prince Quan?!

Travant: Feh… I see you’ve found out at last. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before this day came. It’s true. Quan did indeed sire you, but what difference does that make? It doesn’t change that it was I who raised you.

(“Am I not the one who has stomped all over your spirit and morals since you were a little girl? Am I not the one who screams at you to slaughter children and the elderly while your heart rots and dies, sick with the weight of your sins? If that’s not fatherhood, what is?”)

Altena: So you… you murdered my parents?  Father…

Travant: Heh…. I suppose I did.  Quan and Ethlyn died at my hand. Do you take issue with that? War is Hell, Altena. War claims lives. Worrying now won’t change a thing.

(What a dick!)

Altena: Gah… how dare you?! How dare you mislead me all these years, Fath… no, Travant! 

Arion: I cannot allow this. If you dare to turn on Father, you’ll have to contend with me first!

Altena: W-wait! I can’t fight you, Arion! I could never-

Arion: It’s too late for you to stand down now. Farewell!

Altena: Nnnngh… Arion…

Travant: … You didn’t just kill her, did you, Arion? You know, you didn’t need to go quite so far…

(Now is when you decide to be a parent?!  What a dick!)

Travant: Eh, no matter. I’m going to join the fray, Arion. I suppose there’s little choice now. You’re in charge of defending the castle.

Arion: Understood, Father.

Travant: I’ll entrust this spear to you… and with it, the future of Thracia.  

Arion: Hold a moment, Father… this is Gungnir! What is the meaning of this? How do you intend to fight without it? Unless… Father, you can’t be-

Travant: I am. Frankly, Arion, I’ve had enough. Thracia is yours to do with as you see fit. But we don’t need to be hated by their kind…

Arion: Are you seriously suggesting I should seek a truce, Father?! No! Never! To comply with the rebels now would be unthinkable!

Travant: As I said, Thracia is yours. Do as you see fit. All I ask is that you find a way to liberate our people from their suffering. Farewell, Arion.

Arion: … Father…

Yeah, that just happened, and… I kind of hate it.  I’m going to be honest, and also going to go off on a little rant again, because this moment always makes me kind of angry.  It feels like Travant and Arion swapped personalities for this conversation. See, the thing is, like basically all FE characters, Travant is an archetype; in particular, he is the ‘Michalis.’  A smug, ambitious jackass, almost always a wyvern rider, who really thinks he is the main antagonist but who is generally more of a speed-bump you run down on your way to the real threat. And the thing that defines Michalis types is that they generally aren’t sympathetic in any way. They’re bastards and you enjoy the moment you riddle them with arrows.  

Now, there’s nothing wrong with subverting archetypes.  If they want to play around and make a character who looks like a Michalis but is actually sympathetic deep down, more power to you! But there is a different between a character being sympathetic, and the game telling us a character is sympathetic.  Because King Travant has been a giant bastard in every moment of his appearance in the entire game, a smug ambitious ass who has murdered and betrayed his way through every scene he was in, while looking down on basically everyone around him and showing zero care for any of the many, many of his own men he’s gotten killed.  Beyond occasional lip-service to ‘saving Thracia’, he’s shown nothing but bottomless ambition and a willingness to kill anyone who gets in the way of it.  And now, all of a sudden, he’s decided to nobly die in battle and leave Thracia in better hands?  This is like Sigurd revealing in chapter six that he was actually working for Manfroy all along.  It’s just such a sudden, random, and extreme shift in personality, blatantly for the purpose of building up sympathy where there just ain’t none to be found.  I generally really like the writing of this game but… wow. The Thracia arc is a hamfisted mess.  

Sorry. Angry writer moment. Back to exciting war.

A bit anticlimactic, huh? Still, we crushed the outer edges of Hannibal’s army, and nobody is in his range so there’s no chance of a rampant suicide again.  We shoooould be able to crush his entire army in one go on our next turn. Meanwhile, Fee is in the range of the bandits over in the village section, so I thiiink they’ll be attacking her? Unless they don’t move, I can’t remember. Let’s see!

Hannibal: Move in on the invaders! We’ll let them proceed no further!

… You’ve been doing that…

Okay, not bad! Now, Travant is moving up and there’s not much time to prep for that, so I’m going to try to kill Hannibal’s whole army in one go. This will be… a pain, frankly.  But if we can do that, Hannibal will go briefly non-hostile as he runs to his castle to get reinforcements. If that happens, you can surround and trap him, since he won’t attack anyone who doesn’t attack him first. Let’s… see how this goes.

…. Almost.  I really hope that was enough to trigger Hannibal to retreat. Run away, you old bastard.  End… end turn.

Yessssssss.  Hannibal didn’t attack, he’s running back to Kapothagia to get reinforcements, and he’s old and cannot run fast.  Once our turn starts, we’re clear to surround him, and send Seliph running straight past him to the next castle.  

Meanwhile, Fee…

My God she is a tank.  How does this keep happening?  Pegasus Knights are supposed to be squishy.

Our turn starts, and I ‘recruit Hannibal.’  

He still has two soldiers alive, but one is a bow user that I can also trap so Patty might eat him, and the other is a healer with no weapon that Patty will also eat. She needs money and experience, is my point. Patty?  

Good girl! Now, Travant’s unit will be hitting us next turn, and he’s a dick, so I’m sending a few units back that way to help out.  Dermott, Lester, and Finn should be able to handle it in combination with the killers who are already there.

So here’s the King Douche himself, finally out and killable, but he’s not gonna make it easy on us. He’s a Dragonmaster, the promoted class of dracoknight, and comes with a Silver Lance and Power Ring to play off his already extremely high strength stat. All his relevant stats are pretty solid except resistance, and he comes with two skills that can make him a pain; Nihil, which nullifies all combat abilities (Luna, Astra, etc.) and in addition removes his natural weakness to arrows as a flying unit.  On top of that, he has Vantage, so once his health goes down a far enough he’ll always get the first strike. Pursuit too, but he’s not terribly fast, so it’s not as big an issue as it could be.  Most of the people who will be fighting him here can outrun him. In addition he has no way to fight at range and his Resistance isn’t great, so mages are his kryptonite in a big way. He’s dangerous, but not beyond belief.

I’mma try to have Leif kill him. You know why.

All right, the turn is mostly set, other than Fee finally getting close enough to save that poor burning village. Go, girl!

I love her so much.  End turn!

Why do people even try to fight Fee.  

…. Well, I’d like to thank Nanna for scaring the shit out of me, and like to thank every Thracian for being a dick. EVERY ONE.  

Okay. Okay. Our turn. To start off? Let’s kill some frickin’ wyverns.    

Ooooh, not great. There’s still several wyverns left, and nobody else can attack.  If the two wyverns and Travant all go for one person, they could kill them. If ooooooooonly there was some way to stooooooooooop him from LANA GO

Clerics, motherfucker. And that’s that! Travant’s group is basically done for; the two small fries will take their potshots, but the king himself is dead in the water.  Boy, that sure was a treacherous and underhanded thing of me to do, paralyzing him from half a mile away with magic. He couldn’t defend himself at all. UWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.

And now, Fee.

Go Fee! Start flying home to promote, honey, you earned it. Patty continues plinking away at an armor knight while the cleric heals it from a distance, you know the deal; and because I’m not an idiot, I run Dermott back to our main castle and have him stand inside, because wyverns have a huge damn movement range and we’re fighting rather close to it.  End turn.

*smile*

Now then, let’s mop up.

(Syyyyympathetic Anti-Villain~)

Travant: What a pathetic fool that Blume was… how could he fail to kill a runt like you?

(SYYYYYYYYYMPATHETIC ANTI-VILLAIN, SUCH A TRAGIC GUUUUUUUUUUY~)

Leif: We meet at last, Travant… I’ve… I’ve await this day for so long. This is what kept me alive all this time… I’ve lived for this alone… to choke the life from you with my bare hands!

(… Damn, go Leif.)

Travant the Sympathetic Anti-Villain: Heh… as foolish as your father. And unlike him, you can’t even wield Gae Bolg against me! You don’t stand a chance! Now hold still! It’s time you learned the last agonies your parents felt at my hands!

Shame you can’t fight, huh dude.

Travant the Tragic Patriot: Ha! How laughable! A common soldier like you could never even scratch me! I take it you’re ready to die, then?

… No, I don’t know how he dodges while asleep. Same way he talks, I guess. Life is a complicated thing. Anyway, Travant is beaten, so with Leif waiting there to kill him slowly, I start splitting the army up. Those who can promote start heading home, while the others head west to help out Seliph as he moves on to besiege a castle by himself.  He doesn’t really need help, but they’re gonna need to go there eventually anyway. The enemy can no longer move at all; all our turns will be consecutive until we finish up Hannibal’s castle and/or kill Travant. This update is already too long and Patty is just gonna be plinking away forever, so let’s stick to the highlights of the combat:  

Nice!  And of course, now story happens.

Arion: My apologies, Altena. I had to give Father a convincing show, to ensure your survival. I had no choice but to deal such a powerful blow.

Altena: Don’t worry, Arion. But where is Fath… King Travant now?

Arion: … You won’t see him again. Father has died in battle.

Altena: He has…?  How did it happen?

Arion: You’d be better off not knowing. Father’s heart was an enigma at the best of times…

Altena: … Arion. What do you think I should do now?  

Arion: Join prince Leif, your true brother. I’m certain he is still waiting for you.

Altena: Then what will you-

Arion: Altena. This is my fate. There’s no helping it.

Altena: No! You can call for a truce, Arion! Now that Travant is dead, there’s nothing to stop you from seeking peace! And I… I could never fight you!

(Oh god dammit, this isn’t a brotherly ‘I can’t fight you,’ is it.)

Arion: I wish I could, and I would were it not for Father’s final words to me…

(…………….. HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU TO JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED, ASSHOLE.)

Arion: Please, Altena… Go!  However, be prepared. Our next meeting will be on the battlefield, and I will not stay my hand!

Altena: Oh… Arion…

(King Arion of Thracia: What a dick!)

And with that, Altena starts flying toward our army to sign up.  Since there’s nothing else to do but let Patty continue plinkin’ away, I think we’ll call it a week here. Seliph, do the honors!

Seliph: Who are you? What’s the matter?

Cairpre: I’m Cairpre… I’m General Hannibal’s son. And… wait… aren’t you Lord Seliph, the Liberator!?

Seliph: Indeed I am. If I may ask, Cairpre, why would Thracia imprison one of their own generals’ sons?

(“Because apparently being king of this shitty country instantly turns you into a rampaging douche.”)

Cairpre: King Travant took me hostage. Papa didn’t want to fight your army, so the king threatened my life to force him to fight… please, sir! Please take me to Papa! If he knows I’m safe, then he won’t have to keep fighting! Please, we’ve gotta save him!

Seliph: I see…. Don’t worry. I promise we’ll find him. Move out, everyone! I pray we’ll still be in time to save General Hannibal!

Spoiler for next week’s update: we will.  See you then, when we promote like seven dudes, recruit an old idiot and a young awesome princess, and just generally rock out all over whatever is left of Thracia. Go team!

Total Resets: 26. Not sure I should count this since it was Hannibal killing himself on the worst possible target in his range, not anything I did, but I’ve always has a masochistic streak.

Part 23

[freezing-kaiju]

Stardate: Some Time Before

Chapter -2: Shake, Roll, and Rattle

A prologue to me and @pupmon1‘s Fire Emblem Heroes fanfic, Stardate: 2689

Warnings: Murder, Semi-Graphic Violence, Implied Starvation, Death Mention

Effie shuddered...and felt confusion as consciousness returned to her. This was supposed to be...the sleep from which all ends. The...the others had long succumbed to it...and now, she was fading...or she was supposed to be. Was the project back online?

Slowly, hesitantly, she uncurled herself...and found herself staring at a tiny human woman and a somewhat taller, older human man. The girl was clad in jarringly clashing pink-and-black clothing and had a large bun of blond-and-purple hair. Effie rested on her hands, hovering over the woman.

“Yay! You’re awake!” the woman announced happily. “Gods, you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to make a proper IV drip for you on such short notice...How do you feel?”

“I’m already so proud of you both,” the older man said in a booming, bombastic yet strangely kind voice.

“...I feel....” Effie shook her head. “...confused. Why aren’t I dead? Who...who are you both?” She shuddered and growled for a moment. “Did you...humans...finally find a-another war...to fight?”

“No, nothing like that!” the woman said. “I saved you because...well, I’m not sure why, except I felt it was cruel for them to just...abandon people to die.”

“...not people...weapons…” Effie mumbled, remembering what some of the olders said before they faded.

“You’re a people. Er...person,” the woman said. “Do you have a name?”

“FE...Effie…” she muttered, gesturing to the letters engraved in her side.

The woman smiled. “That’s a cute name! I’m Elise, and this is Arthur. He’s my bodyguard and my best friend!”

Arthur bowed with a smile. “Glad to meet you, Effie!”

Effie nodded and groaned. “...I feel...so weak...useless...should’ve...let me fade...like the others…”

“Why?” Elise cocked her head. “Everyone deserves a chance at life. I’m just sad I couldn’t save the others...but you survived. And I’m gonna keep you alive, no matter what those scientists said.”

“You’ll be in top shape in no time!” Arthur announced. “Elise is quite the little genius.”

“...so...you’re...you’re the reason I’m still alive?” Effie said, looking down at Elise and crouching to attempt to get to eye level with her.

Elise nodded. “Yep!”

“I owe you my life,” Effie said. She reached out her hand and then pulled back again. No, no, don’t touch her...she’s designed to crush fully grown, strong humans in one hand. She didn’t want to...to break Elise.

“Yaaay! New friend!” Elise said. She ran up and hugged Effie.

Effie froze. Don’t move....one wrong move and her...her first friend in a very long time would be gone. “...please, Elise, don’t come near me. I’ll break you...I’m made to break people, even if i’m not trying I’ll break you.”

Elise hesitated, then let go and walked back a few paces. “Sorry...I could help you with that maybe?”

Effie looked down at her hands. “...I'm made to destroy...I don't think you can help with what I was made to do…”

Elise nodded. “Okay...we’ll have to try really hard then!”

Effie couldn't help but chuckle at the woman's optimism. If she wants to try...who is she to tell her no. Effie sat back with her hands in her lap, flinching as a pulse of pain racked her body.

Elise and Arthur rushed over. “Are you okay?” Elise asked. “Do you need anesthetic? Do you have any injuries? Before now I couldn’t see under your outer carapace so I couldn’t tell if you needed medical attention besides the obvious...”

Effie recoiled when Elise came close, curling in on herself a little more. “I just...hurt…” she muttered softly. She paused for a moment, remembering something that happened to the elders as they faded. “Is...is something...growing on my back?”

“Um...” Elise looked around. “...other than the rock-like keratinous plates common for your species, nothing I can see. I’m not very familiar with your species...and you appear to be a mutation to boot.”

Effie hesitated, then gestured over to a large boulder that had plants growing on the top...the roots growing into, and expanding the cracks.

“As we fade...other life finds their home in us…” Effie paused and closed her eyes. “...I think….i can feel it...on my back...in the cracks…”

“Oh that’s bad,” Elise said. “Would it hurt you if we removed that? Or should I put you under anesthetic?”

“I can probably yank it out,” Arthur said, then added, “but i’m...not sure if there are risks attached to that.”

“Its...not a part of me...just a product of dying…”

Elise nodded. “Makes sense...as you were starving, your body removed heat from the plates, and plants began to grow on what seems like an ordinary rock. Arthur, permission granted.”

Arthur began yanking the moss off in chunks. Some stone came free...water oozing out of the cracks, but Effie remained silent,

“Feel any better?” Elise asked.

Effie didn't answer. She gently shook Arthur off her back, loose stones falling off her as she moved. Then she stood, the joints and plates that had been clogged up by moss and roots finally able to move better.

“It...doesn't hurt to move,” she muttered with a smile.

“Yay! That’s great!”

Effie paused and looked over at the other boulder...her last friend. She sighed and stumbled towards the boulder.

“No one else made it...did they?” As she spoke, she lifted her arms, ready to bring a crushing fist down on the boulder...but waiting for an answer.

“No...” Elise said. “We...we brought back three that had faint vitals but...the other two died days ago. We were too late.”

Effie nodded solemnly, then brought the fist down, cracking the boulder...water welling from the crack.

“...holy heck...”

“...I am alone…” Effie muttered. “I am the last…”

“...I’m sorry...” Elise said. “I couldn’t save them…”

“You saved me...thank you. But...I don't know what I'll do with this…”

Elise paused for a moment. “...you could be my bodyguard! That’s the excuse I used so that Father would keep Arthur and Percy around. Then we can be friends!”

Effie hesitated before nodding. “I will guard you, excuse or not. I owe you my life.”

“Alright! Yay! I’ll go tell Father.” Elise dashed off.

Effie watched the kind woman dart off...then collapsed onto her stomach with a pained groan.

“What happened??” Arthur asked, so startled he tripped over his own feet and fell onto his back.

Effie groaned and her back started to leak water. “...I...my back...is bleeding...isnt it?”

“...oh gods...I’m no good at bandaging, but yes.” Arthur looked extremely concerned. “Is there any way I can stop it?”

“I...dont know...I didn't want...Elise to see…” she mumbled.

“She’s a surgeon. She’s seen...far worse. Enough to make me faint.” Arthur said.

“I...think my...back is too compromised...to remain connected,” Effie muttered. “It needs...to be removed...I think…”

“Your...your entire back? Or just your armor? I have an axe...or i could pull it off if it’s just loose enough?”

“The...armor...its going to hurt...but...pull free the...peeling plates.”

“Okay.”  Arthur climbed onto her back. “...here goes nothing!” He began yanking away the peeling plates, losing his balance and falling off a couple times but continuing.

Effie cried in pain, but managed to stay mostly still as the rock came loose. Old grey rock layers easily came loose, the rock brittle enough to fall apart in Arthur's hands. Beneath the unhealthy layers, pink rock was revealed...and Effie’s back wasn't so imposing anymore.

“Well,” Arthur announced, looking at her back, “Job well done...mostly. Surprised I didn’t injure myself, really...but your back looks healthier.”

Effie groaned and nodded. “Thank you...could...could you do the same...on my arms…?” she asked softly, weakly lifting one arm to reveal the outer layer was also unhealthy grey.

“Sure!” Arthur stood up and began pulling off more grey plates. Under most of them was the same healthy pink rock, but on the inside of her arms and the palms of her hands was muscular yet almost soft flesh, well soft compared to the stone….to a human it still seemed like calluses.

“...hmm. I don’t know many rollenratls, but the ones I do know seem to have these big razors that would probably help this a lot better than just...me pulling,” Arthur said. “We need to get you one of those...and probably some specially tailored clothes before someone gets offended...”

“...what are clothes…?”

Arthur blinked, and then gestured to his shirt, cape, gloves, pants, and boots.

“...thats not armor…?”

“No, it all comes off. Elise has several outfits, I have...well, several copies of the same outfit and a few copies of it in purple, black, and gold, for when I’m feeling patriotic.”

Effie chuckled and closed her eyes. “Humans are...strange…” she stopped for a moment and curled up a little. “I remember the elders...mentioning...Stalvak. Some...kind of marking...but not clothes…”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “What? Never heard the term...”

“They were...some kind of...markings...applied to our armor…”

“Ah. I’ve...seen those.”

Arthur heard light footsteps running through the hall. Elise burst into the room and skidded to a halt. “HEY GUYS HE SAID YES! I-” She stopped. “Effie? What...why...why are you pink?? Did something happen???”

“I'm...supposed to be...pink…” Effie muttered. “The...grey plates...were unhealthy…”

“Oh. I see, sorry I didn’t notice.” Elise said. Then she smiled. “Pink looks really cute on you! Oh and...your hair is still grey, is that part supposed to be like that?”

“...yeah…” Effie curled in on herself. “tired...want to...curl and rest…”

“Ok. I’ll put the IV back in when you’re curled up then,” Elise said.

Effie curled up, pulling her arms over her face, and letting darkness overtake her.

------

“Elise?” Camilla said, knocking on her little sister’s door. There had been different crashing sounds from that room for the past several hours, like she was throwing plates against the wall one by one. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Elise shouted. “Arthur and me are trying to teach my new bodyguard friend how to not break things!”

“...wait you have a new bodyguard?” Camilla asked.

“Oh right, you just got back. Come in here and meet her!”

Camilla opened the door and gasped, looking up at Effie. Camilla herself exceeded seven feet tall but even she was dwarfed by the massive pink rocky woman. She knew other rollenratls, sure...but even Benny was barely ten feet tall. “...what in the name of sanity is that??”

“This is Effie!” Elise said excitedly as Effie nervously curled in on herself, trying to look smaller.

“...hello…” Effie muttered.

“....I...sorry for startling you. Hello, Effie,” Camilla said, attempting to regain composure. “You’re...very big.”

Effie nodded nervously. “Yeah…I am...but...so are you...compared to Elise…”

Camilla nodded. “I’m a Nohrian. We’re usually around 6-8 feet tall. I’m...familiar with your species too, but...Benny is the tallest one I know and he’s...smaller than you.”

“...” Effie looked over at Elise. “...I told you we aren’t usually this big…” she muttered as she tried to stand, her back hitting the ceiling.

“...anyways...” Camilla said, trying to diffuse the awkwardness in the situation. “Uh...how did you two meet?”

Elise hopped forward and smiled. “Well...I saved her!”

“Oh, that’s good.” Camilla smiled and hugged her. “My little hero sister.”

Effie nodded and sat down with a thud. “Yes...she saved me from my...fate…” Effie shifted positions awkwardly. “I’d be dead...if not for her…”

“A very noble action. Elise has always been...well, the best out of the family. Certainly the kindest.” Camilla smiled. “I’m sure you’ll do very well here. What were you three doing again?”

“We were trying to teach Effie how to be gentle!” Elise said with a smile.

Arthur held up a plate and pointed to a pile of them, and a pile of broken ones. “We’re trying plates first.”

Camilla frowned and crossed her arms. “Why don't you try her interacting with other rollenralts?” she asked simply. “Isn’t that how they usually learn to be gentle? Or start out?

Elise and Arthur looked between each other and slapped their foreheads. “...didn't think of that,” Elise said. “Do you have Benny’s number?”

“I’ll call him. You three...stay here, stop making more of a mess for the staff.” Camilla nodded towards Elise and closed the door.

“...am I going to see...another one?” Effie asked carefully, looking between Elise and Arthur.

“Yeah!” Elise said.

“Benny’s a nice fellow,” Arthur said. “Good friend, doesn’t drink or talk much, really good with animals. Probably the best person to teach anyone how to be gentle.”

Effie nodded and looked down at her lap. She ducked her head down and just...waited. A few minutes later, there were loud footsteps outside, something that put Effie on edge. She popped up and glared at the door, ready to attack whatever is next.

Benny opened the door. “...you rang, kiddo?” He looked up at Effie. “Hi.”

Effie stared down at the dark grey rollenralt, and paused, relaxing from her attack stance. “...like...me?” she muttered carefully.

“Uh...yeah. Think so.” Benny raised an eyebrow and shrugged. “Never seen anyone as tall as you, but other ‘n that yeah. Like you.”

Effie smiled and rumbled contentedly. Seeing another rollenratl that doesn’t want to hurt her is...comforting. “That...purple woman...said you could help us…help me…”

“Ya want to learn how to not break stuff?” Benny nodded. “I getcha. I can help you with that. Had to teach myself so I got experience with that.”

“I...I don’t want to hurt Elise...o-or Arthur.” Effie added the second part quickly, squirming a little. “Teach me to be gentle...please.”

Benny smiled. “Let’s get to it, then. To the court yard!”

---

“She’s pretty strong,” Camilla commented as Effie cracked a boulder.

“Yeah...” Elise said. She was staring at Effie’s muscles. “Pretty.”

Camilla glanced at her little sister and grinned. “And kinda hot,” she said slyly, trying to see if Elise was actually listening. “I’d do her~ Maybe...I should recruit her for my ship~”

“No! If you take her you’re taking me too,” Elise said. “...and Arthur. Arthur too.”

“Hmm…you like her,” Camilla teased, poking her sister’s cheek. “Don’t lie, you like her~”

“Okay...yeah. Yeah I definitely do.” Elise smiled. “She’s so strong...and pretty...and she’s trying so hard! It’s adorable!”

Over on the courtyard, Effie was trying to pick up a training dummy without tearing its limbs off. Her face shone with concentration as she carefully, slowly lifted it...and then heard a cracking sound.

“Try lifting more from the back,” Benny suggested, miming a scooping motion.

Effie nodded. She moved to the next dummy and stared at it a few moments. Then she reached down, gently scooping the dummy up, and slowly, hesitantly, lifted it close to her head, cradling it in her arms. “...was that good?”

Benny smiled and nodded. “Yes, yes, very good!”

“Yay!” Effie said, smiling. She paused, then began slowly lowering the dummy down to the ground. She set it on the ground, then jumped back, wiggling happily.

“YAY! Great job, Effie!” Elise shouted from the side.

“I’m impressed she’s progressing this fast,” Camilla said, then grinned. “Maybe she wants to impress you.”

Elise blushed lightly and closed her eyes. “...you really think so…?”

“...yeah, seems like it,” Camilla said. She looked over at Effie, who was looking at Elise with...well, admiration at least. Very probable affection. “Yeah...you defintally have an admirer.”

Elise opened one eye and found Effie smiling up at her. “Ah! Hi, Effie. Y-you did...really well...”

Effie blushed a darker shade of pink. “Thanks. I still need a lot more practice before I can...hold you, though.”

Elise smiled and sat up. “Well then...I’ll just ride your back until you’re ready, okay!”

Effie hesitated, then nodded. “Alright, climb on!” She crouched down, and Elise clambered up onto her back.

Effie straightened up and Elise clung to her back, giggling. Elise climbed up more and perched herself in the crook of Effie's neck.

Camilla chuckled. “You two are adorable.”

The two of them blushed and looked away. “Th-thanks, sis,” Elise said.

---

Effie stared down at a timid thin man that stood in the center of the arena. She had been given the...honor of carrying out his execution. The king and his family sat above, watching her circle around the timid man.

“P-please Lord Garon! C-call the monster off! Please! I’m sorry! I-I-I’ll never fail you again!” the man, Iago, cried out.

From above, Effie heard a dark chuckle. “No...you won’t. You may proceed, creature. Exact your vengeance.”

Effie stopped for a moment and looked up towards Elise...hoping she won’t watch. Then she focused on the small man...the man who ran the experiment that made her...canceled the experiment and left her people to starve.

“You understand me, human?” she hissed in the language the elders taught her.

“I taught that language to your predecessors!” He hissed back.

“Good,” Effie charged forward and grabbed Iago by his neck, just short of crushing his windpipe. “Then you will live just long enough to know what you did to us.” She threw the man into the corner and lumbered towards him. “You threw us out...left us to starve in a dead canyon. You left us to try and survive and survive we did! For a few years.” She stood over the man now...she could see how small he really was. “Then we turned on each other...fighting over the last scraps of food…until there was nothing left and we could do nothing except waste away.” She lifted the man by his shoulders and pinned him to the wall. “Do you know fear now, human? DO YOU FEAR THE MONSTER YOU CREATED?!?” she roared loudly, pausing for a response.

“Yes.” he responded, cringing.

“Good...your fear is all I wanted…” Effie relaxed for a moment...seeming like she was going to let him go. “But...now...it’s not enough…” Effie stepped back, letting him drop to the ground, then she scooped him up, slamming her arm into his stomach...and crushing his head with her free hand against the walls of the arena.

She stepped back, letting the mangled mess drop to the ground. She stamped her foot into his chest, grinning at the sound of his ribcage cracking before she finally turned and walked away, not even bothering to clean the blood that clung to her stones when she returned to the...prep room, the guard had called it. She just sat down and tried to calm her pulse.

Several minutes passed... then a door creaked open.

“...E-Effie? It’s...it’s time to go...c-can you please clean the gore off of yourself? I-if not...i-i guess that's ok...”

“...I’d...need some water…” Effie muttered softly, not looking up. “And...the yellow...stalvak...to replace what will wash off…”

“I-I can take you to the baths,” Elise said shakily. “A-and that’s in my- our room...”

Effie didn’t respond, just kept her head down. After a moment, she spoke shakily. “...I’m...I’m sorry...that I scared you…I didn’t...didn’t mean to...”

“I-it's okay, I just...-”

“He needed to pay…” Effie mumbled. “He had to pay...for what he put us through...he deserved it…”

“Yes. It's just... heck, I should be used to this by now, but the first time I see someone I know kill another person it always kinda shakes me... I mean, with Camilla when I was 6, and...well Father is always killing people, and Xander when I was 9, and Leo when I was 12...everyone around me has killed at least one person...most for much worse reasons than you.” Elise sighed. “My main concern now is...I don't want Father to turn you into a gladiator. You deserve better.”

Effie shivered and closed her eyes. “I-...I’m a monster…” she muttered. “I’m...a born fighter...killer...nothing would change if he...actually used me for my purpose…”

“Don’t say that!” Elise shouted, now crying. “Please...don’t...you're so much more than just the monster he thinks you are! You're fun and smart and gentle and nice and...and beautiful...and you're my friend.”

Effie sat up and reached out for Elise hesitantly, shivering a little.

Elise walked over, reached up, and hugged Effie, burying her face into the soft flesh on her midriff. “...it's okay.”

Effie curled around Elise...it wasn’t crushing or uncomfortable. It was...gentle and kind and protective. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry…” she muttered softly. “Please...please don’t be afraid of me.”

“...I’m not. I promise...”

Effie just continued to hold Elise close to her body, shivering around her as she...she started crying. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” she muttered again and again.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Elise repeated, hugging Effie as tightly as she could. “I’m not scared anymore. He...he deserved it. He was the real monster...he did the same thing to others...and almost worse...”

Effie took a shaky breath and slowly released Elise from her grasp, letting her pull away so she could stand.

“...let’s go to the baths,” Elise said with a reassuring smile. “C’mon.”

Effie smiled and followed Elise obediently, with her head down so hopefully others would at least leave her alone.

---

“H-hey, Elise?”

It was a few weeks later. Everything had calmed down somewhat...people seemed a bit more afraid of Effie, but Elise had been doing her best to dissuade any fear. The two of them were in Elise’s room now. Effie had finally mastered  being gentle enough to not crush extremely delicate objects, like glass or paper.

“Yeah, Effie?” Elise asked. Her hair was all askew, not put up in its usual buns or twintails. It was startling just how much she had. “What is it?”

Effie paused and scraped her fingers against one of her plates. “I...kinda wanted to..to tell you something...” But what was the use? She’d never say yes... and she deserved better than...her.

“Mhm?” Elise nodded. “Go on...”

“I...um...look, I...I kinda sorta went and fell completely in love with you...”

Elise’s eyes widened and she sat up a little. “R-really?” she muttered in disbelief.

“Yeah...really...I’m sorry.” Efie began curling in on herself. “I...I know you probably don’t feel the same, but...I had to say it...”

Elise stood and shook her head. “No no! Don’t retreat. Come on, come out of there.” Elise walked over and put a hand on Effie’s shell. “Come on...I...I love you too Effie. Come out and talk to me…”

Effie began uncurling. “Wait, really? You...you love me?”

Elise smiled and inched in front of Effie, making sure she could see her. “Yes, of course...you’re so cute, and strong, and you try so hard to be gentle and soft and it’s just so adorable! I love you. Come on out and hug me.”

Effie uncurled fully and gently picked Elise up, pulling her into a very careful hug. “...I...I’m so happy! I’m happier than I’ve been in my entire life!”

Elise giggled and nuzzled into her embrace. “Yaay! I’m so so happy!” She leaned up and paused. “Can you...uh...lean down for a sec?”

Effie leaned down, bringing her face close to Elise’s. “Umm...how to make this work...” She craned her neck up and kissed Effie on her nose.

Effie sighed and lifted Elise up. She smiled and kissed Elise.

Elise beamed. “Now we can be girlfriends! And...and I’ll never leave you behind. I promise.”

Effie smiled. “I trust you. And I will follow you to the ends of the earth if it would make you happy.”

Elise giggled. “This is the best day of my life...”

“Mine too.” Effie chuckled.

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[exploorations]

tiny traumas, lifelong resistance

I. the first memory, negative beliefs

“I’m going to read one of your essays aloud to the class,” my English teacher announced in front of the whole room. We were fourth graders. 

She continued: “This is an example of an essay that sounds nice, but actually has very little substance. We’re going to talk as a class about how we can make it better. I won’t say whose it is.”

She began with the opening lines. 

My heart dropped.

It was my essay.

I can take feedback, I thought to myself. This is good. I want to be a better writer.

Still. I remember freezing in class, heart pounding, cheeks flushed, the humiliation choking my heart. The most painful and vulnerable thing to admit was: I actually did try on that essay. I was truly proud of it, before this moment when my teacher declared it as having “no substance”. 

Being singled out for being “insubstantial” birthed a new thought about myself: Do I know what it means to have substance? I have no substance. I don’t have anything worth saying. It’s not original enough, or deep enough, or worth putting out. 

Afterwards, I became laser-focused on reading between the lines in teachers’ assignments. I stayed after class with this teacher to learn about how she thought of “substance”. How do I get the A? What do my essays and analyses need to entail in order to feel like the “right” answer? When I went to art school: what’s the right “style” that will get me the most praise in crit? If it was doing highly technically accurate renderings, I’d do that. If it was to get as gestural as Giacometti, I’d do that. If it was to be “far out and conceptual”, I’d do that. If it was to “solve a real problem”, I’d do that. 

In the short-term, this was imperative for my success in my school and career. But in the larger lens of my life, especially my creative life, it birthed a studious habit of not totally trusting my own judgment about what I put out, unless I had some kind of guarantee from external signals that it would be safe or “right”.

--

II. fears

Interestingly enough, two fears resonate most with me: (2) being rejected or unloved, but also (4) my power, success, inner light and divine greatness; a.k.a "awe." 

Feeling rejected and unloved brings up memories that are of course deeply painful. Feeling like my parents’ love was conditional on certain achievements. Feelings when I was in an abusive relationship and was called “worthless”. Feelings similar to that moment with my English teacher — being stupid, wrong, and in a way where I or other people question my fundamental competence in something I value about myself.

But the second fear — of actually being powerful and successful, manifesting my inner light and divine greatness — scares me because I’ve also had those moments multiple times, but occasionally I wonder if they’re all too others-focused. I’ve devoted my career to wanting to help other people. My Good Girl habits means that I’ve spent a life being praised by teachers, managers, peers, family, etc. for flourishing in meeting external expectations, and my internal value system revolves around addressing others’ needs; wherein doing the “right” thing means doing “the thing that helps others”.

But when no one is asking me to do something. When I get to speak my truth, even if it helps no one but myself. What do I do? 

--

III. excuses

“First I need to hit this career milestone, then I can pay attention to my creativity.”

“First I need to have a clear idea of what I’m doing, then I can begin.”

Both of these are excuses I’ve told myself, because of my perfectionism. But I’m pushing through! Doing small things — small animations, sketches, paintings, and the like — have helped me to remind myself of my creative needs, even when I don’t share them.

--

IV. comparisons

Interestingly enough, I don’t tend to compare myself. I rarely feel jealousy. I do, in fact, the opposite: “Good for them! I don’t care about that for me.”

But lately, I’ve been wondering if I should maybe care more. If maybe my not-caring is actually a defense mechanism: if I don’t want it, then I won’t disappoint myself by not getting it. I wonder if that extinguishes what could be a very constructive fire to let the inspiration propel me towards pursuing my own dreams in a more deliberate way.

One of my favorite insights I heard was “everyone’s weakness is the flip side of their strength.” The flip side of arrogance is self-confidence. The flip side of over-accommodation is generosity. The flip side of judgment is high standards for excellence. The flip side of recklessness is bravery.

I wonder, sometimes, if the flip side of jealousy is aspiration. In order to be jealous, you must desire something that someone else has. There’s something enlightened about having no desire at all, like Buddhism — but there’s also something about desire propelling the human experience. Without what we want, what we try for, what we yearn — what motion propels us through life? 

As I start to admit to myself that I do want things — that I want to live a meaningful life, that I want to put something out there that feels like mine — I’m starting to look around more to others who do that. I admire designers and illustrators and artists who put their work out there, no matter if I think their work is “good” or not. It takes immense bravery to create anything, and I want to act on my courage more.

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

I paid my car insurance in full but iv seen a better car thats cheaper to insure?

"I paid my car insurance in full but iv seen a better car thats cheaper to insure?

iv only had the policy 2 weeks can i trade my car in for the one iv seen and claim the difference back of insurance company also just taxed the car iv got 135 for the full year would this be transferable sorry this is my first car so new to all this

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I need a new car, and I found a great deal on a 95 Eagle Talon, but my dad says that the insurance would be too high since I recently got into a car accident, and I'm only 19 years old, and because of course, it's kind of a sports car. Does anyone know about how high the insurance would be for someone living in Missouri? Any help appreciated.""

Do insurance companies consider a 1985 Monte Carlo SS a sports car. Wondering what insurance would cost.?

Do insurance companies consider a 1985 Monte Carlo SS a sports car. Wondering what insurance would cost.

How do i report insurance fraud?

for the last year i have worked for one of sacramento's mortage realestate companys. during that time i have witnessed my boss committing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of insurance fraud, filing false police reports , theft, vandalism . who do i report this to and is there a reward ?""

Do i need insurance to mot a bike?

also will the mot service station ask to see my licence?, how much does an mot cost, and how long do i have to wait? its a honda cb 500. thanks""

What is an average auto insurance cost for a sedan in Alberta?

I am wondering what an average auto insurance cost is to be suspected. If this helps I will be a 16 year old male driving a 2007-2010 Mazda 3 Sedan.

How does car insurance work?

I got a quote for a BMW 325XI. It was going to cost 1390$ for 6 months. Now, does that mean I pay for the 6 months and then get the other 6 months of the year off? Or does it mean that I pay 1390+1390 for a total of 2780$ per YEAR?""

Can I Get Temporary Car Insurance If I Dont Own The Car?

I have just got a new job, however, I need temporary car insurance for 1 month. My stepdad's friend is allowing me to use his car he has up for sale for this period. Can I get insurance if the car owners name is not on the policy? Any help would be apprechiated. Thanks.""

Wat is a website that helps to find the cheapest auto insurance possible?

Wat is a website that helps to find the cheapest auto insurance possible?

""Approximately, how much is a car insurance for a newly passed drive with Peugeut 206?""

hi everyone i kind of have a slight problem... ive recently passed my driving test and bought peugeut 206 (2002 make) 1.1, but when i do a search on comparison websites the insurance is no less then 2400 pounds! im really confused as i thought it would be much less... is this right? :S""

Direct line car insurance?

hi, does direct line car insurance allow there to be more than 2 drivers on the the one car insurance policy""

""Where to get the cheapest car insurance for new driver, and which combinations of options, to get it lower?""

I am 17 and lice in Hartlepool in England and I have got a 1.2 mk2 3 door Fiat Punto. And i need insurance, apparently Adrian Flux is cheep for young drivers, but just over a month ago i was quoted 1800, and now that i need it i am being quoted 2600, y? I was also surprised when i found out that my car is a group 4 insurance, with it being a little 60bhp 1.2 compared to my mates 130bhp car being a group 5. I cannot go on my mams insurance either as she can only drive an automatic. So I considered selling my Punto and try getting an automatic to go on my mams insurance as she has over 10 year no claims, but her 200 insurance went up to 2500. I guss alot of the price being because of where we live, there was multistory flats, in a big estate, and was a bad area, but now they have been knocked down and is now a new modern housing area. Is there anywhere I can contact, to come prove it is a nice area now? Thanks""

Insurance and Totaling a car?

Hello, I was recently a victim of a hit and run on a brand new 07 car. The back was smashed and the right back tire was sideways. The insurance company had me bring it to one of their authorized body shops. After 9k worth of damage, I received the car back. I was told the insurance adjusters told the shop not to replace certain parts etc. When I received the car, I brought it to the dealer to get it a wheel alignment. The mechanic came back and said the car could not be aligned and there was still major damage (subframe was bent - I could even see it). He also stated that the car will never drive the same after the accident even if the subframe is replaced and it would pull to one side and cause wear on the tires. Do I have the right to demand the car totalled from the insurance company? The car was 3 months old before the accident and I would want it in the same condition that I got it in. Thanks PS car was hit in NJ - insurance in NY""

I paid my car insurance in full but iv seen a better car thats cheaper to insure?

iv only had the policy 2 weeks can i trade my car in for the one iv seen and claim the difference back of insurance company also just taxed the car iv got 135 for the full year would this be transferable sorry this is my first car so new to all this

How can I get an insurance quote?

I don't have my license yet, but I know what car I'll be driving. Is there a way to get a quote before I actually get my license?""

How much would I pay for car insurance?

I am a male, 24 years old (turn 25 in july), student.... what is the cheapest car insurance you think I can get?""

What's a good medical insurance plan for someone in my situation in CA?

It's so overwhelming with all the different policies out there, if someone has a recommendation for a good insurance company that is affordable for my situation: a. self employed single female b. no health risks/problems c. mid 30s d. prefer a plan that covers maternity just in case""

RX-8 annual insurance cost?

So I'm 18 and male, just got my license and need to buy a car soon. Set my sights on an 04 RX-8, but I need to know if I could afford the insurance. I have no accident history (obviously) would be primarily commuting about 15 miles a day, and would go LIABILITY ONLY on my parents' plan. GUESTIMATES WOULD BE APPRECIATED AS WELL AS WHAT YOU PAY FOR YOUR RX-8!! Spank you bunches""

How is 18yr old meant to get car insurance?

I live in London and passed my test in February. I own Renault Clio 1.2 And the cheapest quote i got so far is 305 pounds per month, which is way too much for me. What companies are cheap? What can i do to start driving legally, searching for insurance is frustrating Dont say price comparison websites they suck cheapest quote there was 8k per year""

What is average cost for insurance on a 2013 Kia optimum comp and collision?

What is average cost for insurance on a 2013 Kia optimum comp and collision?

SAS resume for insurance companies?

i need to make a sas resume for insurance companiy.can anyone help with what to write in work experience describing experience in an insurance company setup.

What insurance company in California will insure me when wood is my primary heat source?

What insurance company in California will insure me when wood is my primary heat source?

Where can I find a comparative of insurance quotes for comercial stable insurance?

I need property coverage, an umbrella plan, summer camp coverage, equestrian activity insurance.""

Does one speeding ticket affect your insurance rate ?

i got my first speeding ticket , i live in Utah , and i have state farm insurance so will it affect my rate ?""

About how much is Valet parking insurance in FL?

garage liability insurance

Health and travel insurance for the US?

Hi, I am a British student undertaking an internship in the U.S for 6 weeks this summer. I need Health insurance that complies with the requirements for the J-1 Visa, and though I have found a company that can help me (http://www.isoa.org/compare_plans.aspx) with Health insurance, they don't offer any travel insurance. The companies that I have found for travel insurance don't tend to provide the level of Health insurance that I require. Do people normally take out 2 seperate policies when travelling to the U.S? (e.g. one health, one travel?) If so, can anyone find me somewhere that provides travel insurance to the U.S without health insurance included? Thanks!""

2008 Nissan GTR Insurance/Maintenance?

I'v been saving up some money now and want to get a used car when i turn 21. had my license since 16 I'm debating heavily whether to get 2008 bmw 335i coupe or 2008 nissan gtr. i'm sure nissan gtr insurance and maintenance would cost a lot but about how much should I be expecting? iv been searching around and this is the number i got to guess but iono 4000 a year for insurance and 2000 a year for maintence...is that a good estimate? if it's more than that, i don't think i should really get one. should i just keep saving and buy a 335i and treat myself with a nicer one after college? or should i just go all out right now?""

""Cheap auto Insurance in miami, fl?""

I recently moved here and need to buy insurance for my car. Ive been searching on-line and i am overwhelmed on how expensive the rates are here in fl compared to California where i use to live. I have never had quotes in the 100's. so do u know a cheap auto insurance company here in miami, fl I have a 95 ford mustang cv""

""Buying car insurance(GEICO) for the first time ,?""

Okay so in approximately 9 months I will be purchasing my first car , now I know the smartest and safest thing you can do first is get insurance .. what I need to know is how does it work , like do i get the insurance first ? How does buying geico insurance work ? what's the prices for first time buyers ? Do I pay buy the month , every other month ? .""

""Insurance rates for a 21 year old male, CA?""

I got my license when I was 19. I've been driving for two and a half years and barely found out I am not on my parents insurance. I was planning on buying a brand new car but I am now worried about insruance rates. I know they'll be high, but how high. I know insurance rates are based on age and experience. Is it likely I will be charged more because I have never been insured? Last time I checked for insurance I got calls for about 5 weeks straight. This time I don't want to give out any personal information. My question basically is will never previously having insurance before affect my rates?""

What if i stop paying my insurance when i have a car loan?

i am leasing a new car, been paying for 3 years and this month i couldn't afford insurance so i stopped driving and started bike riding. well the insurance was cancelled for like 2 ...show more""

Car insurance help????!!!!!!?

So currently I'm on my dads insurance policy with progressive. I'm paying $400 a month and $525 in September and October. I'm looking for something cheaper. What auto insurance company works wellvwith teenagers? Or is cheaper than what I'm supposed to pay, I just recently got put on his policy and I haven't paid a payment yet I cant afford paying so much every month.""

Approximately how much does car insurance cost for a typical 18 year old female?

Approximately how much does car insurance cost for a typical 18 year old female?

Car Insurance.?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArWrfDO9dpyfOnXm3.1rI7Tsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071006110521AAt0j9L Can someone please answer this. IF possible,,, any insurance pros. thanks. AAA is closed today.""

Broad estimate how much do people think motorcycle insurance would be for a 16 year old?

I live in California

What is the cheapest full coverage auto insurance?

anybody knows a company that offers cheap full coverage auto insurance, maybe about $80 or $90 for 2 vehicles?""

""Based on my age, how much do think insurance will cost for a range rover sport?

i'm turning 17 in a few months and thinking of getting one for my birthday? a rough estimation would be nice

Car Insurance For 16yr old boy?

What is The cheapest car insurance for a 16-18yr old boy that lives in Milwaukie, Oregon?""

How much per year does health insurance cost for an average 50 year old with no employment benefits?

just a single person. no previous health problems. I realize this depends on specific circumstances, but you can ballpark estimate it for me thanks.""

I paid my car insurance in full but iv seen a better car thats cheaper to insure?

iv only had the policy 2 weeks can i trade my car in for the one iv seen and claim the difference back of insurance company also just taxed the car iv got 135 for the full year would this be transferable sorry this is my first car so new to all this

What is the cheapest auto insurance for teens these days?

I'm 18 and just got my first car. I would like to drive it but sadly have no insurance on it yet. I then looked up quotes and found out it is real expensive, $500 and more. Is there any way a teen like myself can get cheap auto insurance?""

Driving without insurance?

Hi guys police gave me citation for not having insurance paper with me its registered under my cousin name we live the same address the car is insured but i don't have insurance if i go court and show car insurance they will give me ticket or what thank you.

How much for motorcycle insurance??

I've tried goind to ceico and progressive but no luck. I just want a ball park quote for a 19yr old. I want the 2008 kawasaki ninja 250r since its a good first bike to start with and its cheap. I am planning on taking the safety class course so hopefully it won't be that much and I'm only going to ride it on the weekends for fun, not as a daily driver. what would be a good estimate for a 1 year insurance?? I want one year so I won't have to pay every month and worry about not being able to pay my truck as well. thanks for your experience.""

Insurance for a teen?

Okay so would a 4 cyl. Mitsubishi Eclipse gs, be higher in insurance for a teen than a regular car that isn't considered sport?""

Social insurance number?

i'm living in alberta and have my social insurance number but i'm moving to saskatchewan, is there a form i need to fill out online or do i have to go to the provincial building?""

Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?

Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?

Does anyone know if Nationwide insurance will raise your rates if you have a red car/suv?

I'm looking for a new car and wanted to call them this morning but it's a little late now. Does anyone know if Nationwide insurance will raise your rates if you have a red car/suv?

Why Do I Pay More For Health Insurance Now?

I'm a recent graduate, female, non-smoker with a healthy weight and eating/fitness habits. I'm not rich by any means, but my health insurance rates have gone up a lot since ...show more""

Best way to insure multiple cars?

I have six cars that need to have at least liability insurance. Some of these cars I drive very seldom and it is a pain to have to pay for individual insurance on each car when I can only drive one at a time. Is there any way I can get a blanket liability policy that would cover me no matter which car I drive? It seems silly to have to insure the car rather than the driver.

Auto insurance rates?

hi there. I'm doing a project for school that requires us to find the auto insurnace rates for people of the following categories: >a male just getting their licence (who has taken driver education classes) >a male just getting their license (who has not taken driver education classes) >a 25 year old male (who has taken driver education classes) >a 25 year old male (who has not taken driver education classes) >a person convicted of driving while intoxicated

Does anyone know cheap car insurance websites for a 22 year old driver?

hi i am a 22 year old driver and i live in NJ does anyone know any cheap car insurance web sites?

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

I need cheap but good car insurance what do you recommend?

I need cheap but good car insurance what do you recommend?

Would I need insurance?

Ok so I'm thinking about getting an iPhone 4s. I want one so badly. It's 29 a month but insurance is 10 a month and I can't afford to pay another 10 a month, would I need insurance? The handset price (how much you pay on the day for the actual phone) is 29, so if I break or loose or someone steals the phone, would I pay 29 and get another headset, or will they make me pay 29 for a phone I don't even have? I live in England btw :)""

Temporary insurance on backup bussiness car?

I own a chip route in ga and in process of buying a back up vehicle for my Business. I won't be using my vehicle very often just when my main vehicle goes down. Can I get temporary insurance or a miles based insurance to save money?

Car Insurance for Teenage Boy?

I'm looking at cars and wondering what the average car insurance for a 16 year old boy is. I know mustangs and sports cars are higher, but how much higher than a truck. And does insurance go down over time without accidents?""

Rough price for motorcylce insurance?

I'm 17, the bike im hoping to get is 2005 Honda CBR 125 How much would it be roughly for basic insurance""

""What do u think of the health care reforms in massachuset ,?

would u like a similar plan at the federal level

What car insurance is cheapest?

im enlisted in the marines right now and i haven't shipped out to boot camp yet, i will be 18 years old and planning on getting a used jeep wrangler after boot camp, i just want to know which car insurance will bee the cheapest for it, thanks!""

Auto Insurance in 2 States?

Folks I am dealing with an issue that involves 3 cars 3 drivers ( my wife, my son and I) and 2 different states (my son away at college) the insurance companies are thiefs trying to stick it to me. Even though my son is at college more than 1250 miles away from home the insurance company still charge me for him, I bough him a car and since he is in another state my insurance premium is almost triple. Any ideas? remember 3 cars 3 drivers and 2 states my son at college with a new car. Will it be cheaper if he gets his own insurance? Help is needed and much appreciated""

How much would this car cost?

Hello, I was wondering hypothetically speaking, if I bought the new 2012 Ford Mustang GT. Im under 18 (I would use my moms credit). And how much is insurance on a sports car when you under 18? Im looking for a range for the insurance. I know people say I can't give you an answer because of blah blah blah get a quote. Like I was told like 150 a month? I live in a town in Northern Ohio low crime rate. You people think it would be like 100-300 a month?""

Will the insurance company cancel my car insurance after a DUI in VA?

i got a dui in VA, is offence, .08 bac, well i got convicted of yesterday. i have to do a DWI Education classes and have a restricted licence to drive to work. my insurancce is still valid for a good 6 months. do i have to inform the insurance company, will i lose my insurance, do i need a sr22 or not. please advice..""

What option should I choose for my car insurance?

I did a little test to check quotes when it came to auto insurance through Progressive. I found that I would pay less a month for choosing the option that I have had insurance for the past five years, but when I choose I haven't had insurance it charges me more per month. I technically have not had insurance before. My last vehicle was on my brothers insurance policy and I was listed as an Additional driver. So should I choose that I haven't been insured? I obviously wouldn't drive without insurance, even though I do live in a state that does not require it - but I don't want to give the notion that I have been either. There's not an option for new drivers who just didn't have insurance because they never had a vehicle before. So I am totally confused as to what option I should choose. Thanks!""

""Im pregnant , no insurance, what doctors will see me?

i know i can apply for wic and etc however i still need to go to the doc asap and was wondering if there are any that will see me without having insurance that are affordable in the knoxville tn area

Will the color of an automobile effect the cost of insurance?

Will the color of an automobile effect the cost of insurance?

I paid my car insurance in full but iv seen a better car thats cheaper to insure?

iv only had the policy 2 weeks can i trade my car in for the one iv seen and claim the difference back of insurance company also just taxed the car iv got 135 for the full year would this be transferable sorry this is my first car so new to all this

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-insurance-philippines-ethan-rogers/"

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal,

i finally got an e-mail back today from jeremy about the internship and turns out, i got it! im not surprised and idk what i was expecting but i am kind of sad. and im not entirely sure why. leading up to this reveal, i was debating on just going home for the majority of the summer or even just july and august and it was weird bc i was so excited to go home for the entire thing before but now all i felt was fear. it was a fear of returning to Sa-Rang bc i knew that i would feel so ostracized again and so afraid and i didnt want to go back to that. yes, i always feel such a strong connection with God back home bc thats a part of the culture but i also always felt so out of place. especially as an out of stater. there are so many people that i dont know and so many things theyve done that i was absent for. and our personalities just never really clicked. but then i started thinking, is it actually my fault? how is it that nothing has changed? really? is it really all on them or is it partially on me too? and i think it is. i think a big reason why i dont click with them is bc im always too afraid to be myself around them and try to just fit in instead to what everyone else is doing and saying instead of being my own person and i think it’s rubbed some people the wrong way. but i also have been unapologetically me in the past and i think my aggressive personality and boldness just turned some people off. but i do think me just constantly trying to fit in is a huge reason why i feel so awkward and find it so hard to maintain conversations with the people there. at least the problem isnt unsolvable at least.so i was right to some extent. i do need to keep working on myself and im not at a place yet where i am so firm in my identity in Christ that I can comfortably go home and just freely be me. That’s something that I need to work out. But now that I recognize it, I can continue to be aware of it and move forward from here.

I want to talk to someone but I’m not sure who to turn to. But it is pretty somber and upsetting. I would really like to go home but it does make more logical sense to stay here. To gain work experience, money, manage myself, and not have my parents worry about me. It’s great and I’m happy that I’m not being an extra burden on their shoulders on top of everything that they’re already focusing on. 

sidenote: im actually incredibly pessimistic and make things a lot worse in my head than they actually are in reality. im not optimistic at all. thats a huge fallacy. im super pessimistic. ive verbally expressed how im the only sophomore and brought a lot of attention to that and yes, david and grace have been more active recently but were pretty MIA for the majority of the year. but even though david has been more present recently, i have still continued with this statement. and i wasnt the only freshman/newcomer. There was Michael, Yen, Grace, Jason, and Johnathan. Yes, Jason and Johnathan came later but I wasn’t alone for the whole year. If anyone, it was Grace that was alone bc I never came out to Sundays. I was only there on Fridays. I’ve been so blind and bitter in my ways and have only focused on all the negative aspects and feeling bad about myself and just assuming the worst in people instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt and seeing the world from a positive outlook. Yes, this past year has sucked and a lot happened. But it is nothing in comparison to the weight and pain my dad must have felt through it all. Everything has been indirectly hitting me and I just have to accept that there’s not much I can do about it. But my family actually has a direct responsibility to do something about it and are well and able to do so. And it hasn’t hit anyone harder than my dad. Both of his parents are or have been sick for years, he lost his nephew, his car broke down, he got laid off multiple times, he took ownership of the leaky pipes. i cant even imagine how much he took on in total and somehow, he’s still standing. he’s still serving and still trying so incredibly hard. ive been so consumed and obsessed with how everything has been affecting me that i never stopped and thought about how it’s impacted him. i’ve made things seem worse than they really are. i really am so grateful for my dad and so honored to call him my father. i just wrote him a long message via kakao expressing my gratitude and i hope he responds well. it came from a very genuine place in my heart.

theres still a lot that i need to figure out in my life but im slowly getting there. 

ive been hanging out with my d&d crew a lot more recently—or at least just jordan and tykira and i feel so free when im with them and i think a big reason is bc my personality and beliefs and sense of humor arent super conservative. that isnt to say that they go against the Bible or God or anything. I would never do that. But the things I enjoy exploring are usually considered “taboo” within the church so it’s hard for me to find common ground without delving deep into certain issues. I really like Bo Burnham and Tina Fey bc they deal with real world issues in the form of comedy and I respond well to it. But not everyone does and are even turned off at the mention of these topics. Like rape, abortion, millennials, entitlement, shelter, protection, and more. 

I’ve been so quick to label and judge other people, especially people in the OC, for how sheltered and spoiled and easy their life is compared to areas outside of there but ive failed to look at myself in the mirror and realize my own sheltered and spoiled tendencies. The only reason why I have to worry about food for the next day is because I’m not good at managing my money. I’m not that much better than people. Yes, I’m doing a lot at my age but others have been doing it for much longer. I am proud of how far I’ve been able to do and accomplish and it is mind boggling to me that there are people that have not even entered this sphere yet but I’m sure that other people view me in the same way when it comes to other issues. We’re all learning and slowly figuring ourselves and the world out and it takes time and everyone gets there at different moments. It has nothing to do with age and location but everything to do with experience. Not a lot of people have witnessed so many deaths but I’m sure others have battled with depression and suicide on much deeper levels than myself. And I just need to accept people as they come at whatever life stage they’re at instead of judging them and comparing them to me. I should just let them come as they are and accept them for who they are because that’s how the Father sees us. And I want to see the world in that way too. I don’t want to be afraid to speak up just bc it’s the unpopular opinion. I want to bring light and a new perspective to issues and topics no one seems to want to address and hopefully start a conversation as a result. What Anthony said a while ago still rings in my head. If I want to avoid pity, I need to stop pitying myself and viewing what I do and who I am as something to be pitied. I am me. And I am learning and growing and moving forward. And I want God to be an integral part of my life along the way. I have definitely been drowning myself in media recently and it’s honestly made me feel pretty gross. But I don’t want to live that way anymore. I want to keep going and move forward from here on out.

[pinkglitteringdemondildos]

idk whats going on im just thinkin bout stuff idk ive been venting a lot and im not done yet i guess because i got more stuff dropped on me last night and its hit me p hard than i thought it would

so lately ive been thinking about suicide again to the point where i have two fully constructed plans and i have a will written out (even if its not notarized, its something, right?) and I’ve realized that I’m slowly losing my fear of dying and the afterlife (if there is one, what it is, will it be better or worse, what’s going to happen in it, etc.) and I don’t know why. It’s just suddenly become a lot less worried about what happens to me after. I don’t particularly know what I believe in yet, and I don’t know what I expect or even want to find when I die. I think the ultimate end for me would just be dying and just sort of fading out of existence? Then I wouldn’t feel anything anymore and I wouldn’t be conscious or aware because I wouldn’t even exist, which just sounds swell, to be completely and utterly honest. 

I’ve also been thinking about how truly easy suicide is? Its so simple, there are so many ways to do it. The only thing that stops most people is the fear of what people will think after they go or what happens when they die or if it’ll hurt, but those are all things people wonder when they die of other causes too so its not really a surprise. Like, I’m very afraid of pain. I hate pain. But I also have an extreme fear that if I fail I’ll be put in an institution for a good amount of time and that’s kind of what I’m trying to avoid, y’know? I don’t know how to explain anything to my therapist or my family or my friends because they don;t really get it? My therapist gets it but there’s nothing she can do anymore because my dad and his gf refuse to trust me or give me any help or even change at all. My dad doesn’t believe me when I try to explain anything to him and he compares my problems to what he was like when he was a teenager ( the 1980′s) and somehow refuses to accept that anything has changed among teenagers and young adults today. And my friends just don’t get it and don’t know how to make me feel better and usually end up making me feel worse. For instance, one of my friends always tells me that I have a pretty good life and that I COULD be a child in Africa that’s starving and owned by a warlord, which is true, and that would be worse. But when you tell depressed people that they could have it worse, it doesn’t ‘inspire’ them to see the world in a different way, it just tells them that they’re being stupid and that they have no reason to feel bad and their depression isn’t validated and they’re just being depressed for no reason and that the really are just ‘making it up’ somehow in one way or another. To be fair, he has gotten better about it once my other friend explained that the way he was trying to help was actually making it worse (that boy knows less about depression than a rock) but he also doesn’t realize that jokes he makes actually kinda fucks me up. He always jokes about how I haven’t done anything in my life and how art isn’t gonna get me anywhere and how all I do is laze around and not do anything around my house  (which isn’t true AT ALL) and stuff like that. And while I also do make jokes about him, its generally me poking fun about how his literal aspiration in life is to be an accountant, or pointing at a girl and being like “thats gonna be ur gf go talk to her shes pretty” or calling him a shortened version of his name. And even then when he says he feels like he’s not going anywhere in life I always am like the first one to tell him he’s gone farther already than most people I know and that he’s doing well in school and he has a strong job and a lot of potential to get where he needs to go and that he has enough motivation in one month to fuel me for a few years and that he should be proud of where he is and how far hes made it and how he’s almost done and ready to start his career.

So its like  “Wow haha ur new name is JORB vs. haha thats morgan all she does is lay on floor and pet dogs and amount to nothing” which i can assure you, does not exactly boost confidence. And then my other friend tries hard to understand depression but she just unintentionally makes me feel bad, and its not her fault at all. She’s just really successful at literally every single point in her life and is naturally gorgeous and looks good in everything and every guy friend she’s ever had has had a crush on her at some point and like? My petty envious ass has none of that. She literally woke up one day like three weeks ago and decided to be a canine officer? And she just got accepted into the academy? And she has a job and runs her own business and still manages her time well enough to have two days off per week. So like shes not doing anything bad she just. Is TOO successful to be around when you hate yourself. And then I usually hang out with both of them at once so its like being told you’re nothing by one person and then immediately hearing about how your other friend became like an astronaut in one day and then they turn to you and ask you what you’ve been doing and all you can say is something along the lines of “haha i turned in four job applications yesterday and cleaned my dining room”

I wish I wasn’t so envious of people but like when you have nothing and you look at someone who has everything, you sometimes just kind of lose yourself. Like, even if I don’t have a business or ace all my classes or become an officer I just want the drive to become something. I’m jealous of her motivation and her will to strive for things. That’s really all I want. “Well Morgan, just get up and do it!!”

Like, I’m already struggling to force myself to get out of bed to eat at this point, let me just apply to Harvard or Yale, nbd. I only really eat when I leave my house, otherwise I eat like one banana and a glass of water, Food just makes me sick lately. Honestly everything is just too hard right now and I need a break from depression and anxiety and my low self esteem. These are supposed to be the starting years of my life and I’ve accomplished less than a dead cow, not to mention I’m a lot less useful than a dead cow as well. Mm, I’m just.

Really tired. And I’m tired of being tired and I no longer have anything or anyone to help me wake up.