#common knowledge is I'm a lesbian. everyone in the family knows

[the-skin-inthe-bath-is-mine]

I would love to make myself a patch with the lesbian nonbinary and asexual flags on it but I'm in varying degrees out of the closet to the people around me depending on how safe they are to be around

[yandere-fics]

Skylar Anderson

♡ "Heya! I'm really glad you've moved here! Huh? Oh for not reason in particular, it's just... it's been awhile since the place next door has been occupied! I hope your stay is wonderful." ♡

Skye is a shy yandere at first, not really even aware of her own feelings and intentions. Unlikely to make a move unless something pushes her over the edge and even if her actions are sinister in nature, she can always justify anything she does in the name of romance. After all even the leads in romance movies often push the boundaries. If you say her actions are bad then you simply don't know what you're talking about, as long as she never does anything worse than what her sister Sophie would do, she feels justified. Skye is the perfect sister and so there can never be any flaws with her actions. She is the perfect person and you are her perfect darling. Just please avoid disrupting her perfect image of herself. Always humble but secretly full of herself and the image she has crafted.

♡ "My full name is Skylar Anderson but everyone just calls me Skye so you can too! Oh no, we're not related to those Andersons. It's just a common last name I guess." ♡

The Anderson family is a very prominent religious family within the region although they never come to the seaside anymore after discovering their eldest daughter decided to move to a small coastal town. Most people would be unaware that Skylar is even alive since the current rumor is that most of the Anderson sisters died when the reality is that most of them simply ran away from home. Skylar left home after running from an arranged marriage, and since then has been receiving a monthly check in order to never reveal her relation to her parents. She mostly accepts the checks though because she believes if she stopped her parents would freak out and send someone to kill her instead.

♡ "I am... uhm... 24! Yup, 24. Sorry, I just never really think about it that often. Yeah I know 24 is a bit old for someone who just finished my college degree, but what can I say? I got a bit of a late start! Haha!" ♡

Skylar was not allowed to attend college due to her parents wishing to raise an obedient wife that they could sell off. She ran away at the age of 20 and took community college to get an english degree all on her own. This has only served to raise her own ego and self importance although you'd never known based on the look on her face. She was never taught anything formally, all her knowledge was stolen from the books the children in the neighboring estates were allowed to read. Despite this the college was extremely impressed by her test scores and after a much needed bribe, she was allowed in.

♡ "I- what? Huh? Oh! You're asking if I'm into women? Well the answer is yes. Quite a bit of a forward question though. You startled me just a bit." ♡

She is a lesbian, and she's lying about being embarrassed to answer, she's fucking delighted that you want to know who she's attracted to.

♡ "I'm a librarian, actually I would be pleased if you'd come visit me at my work sometimes, since it's such a small town the library doesn't see many people every day. While I do appreciate the silence, it wouldn't hurt to have some company. Especially from someone as sweet as yourself." ♡

She doesn't need to work as a librarian but she enjoys getting out of the house and it's a nice cover for why she has so much money to spend. Most of her money goes back into the library though to make sure her work environment stays nice and perfect. As a librarian she's actually pretty harsh, even scolding children for not preserving their books as well as possible.

♡ "Hmm? What do I enjoy? Well for starters, I really enjoy your company, you've been very nice to have around and I wouldn't mind spending more time with you. It's so hard to choose since I like so many things." ♡

That is a blatant lie, she really only likes you and her sisters. Everything else is far beneath her but a perfect pretty girl would never be so cruel as to remind people they are beneath her since those maggots already likely know that she's much better. She likes how small the town is, otherwise her and her sisters would not be able to blend in there. Her favorite sister is Darla, but that's to be given since most of the sisters love Darla dearly. She also really enjoys tarot although she might be a bit biased when it comes to reading the cards since everything is always interpreted to be in her favor even if it's not.

♡ "I'm not very picky when it comes to things so there's not much I don't like. Hmm, you'll have to give me some time to come up with an answer, it looks like we'll be hanging out for awhile while I try to think, haha. Why don't you get yourself situated with one of the blankets in our cabinet while I think?" ♡

There are a lot of things she dislikes, but the thing she hates most is feeling vulnerable. You can't be vulnerable if you're just playing a character though, as a character she is flawless and can do no wrong, as a person she is fundamentally broken and prone to fits of rage. She hates letting her facade crack, but not to worry, even if her facade cracks and she momentarily flies into a rage where she, let's say kidnaps you, she will always find some way to glue her facade back together. She also really hates her parents.

♡ "Hmm, well there's not a whole lot that I'm super good at but if I had to answer then it would be reading. I am good at this one other thing but I'll have to show you that another day." ♡

She's good at maintaining the persona of being a perfect, humble, little librarian when really deep down she's a ball of rage who is ready to fly off the handle at the smallest of slights. She is very talented at reading too though. She's also a phenomenal kisser since she's had loads of practice but she'd never let you know, she'd likely try to let you take the lead unless you say otherwise.

♡ "Well it's starting to get late so as much as I would adore if you could stay some more, I sadly must send you home. Please come back anytime. You're always welcome here!" ♡

[rigginsstreet]

The Duffers trying to peddle the whole found family, outcasts band together arc is so fucking funny to me because:

Nancy was never an outcast, they just gave her that shitty 'preppy popular girl gets moral angst so becomes a badass gun wielding apocalyptic grunge princess overnight' arc and then literally never showed her at school again so even if she did become an outcast, you actually never see it. In fact, we see multiple times beyond that that she's still very much considered the polite, proper, middle-upper class small town girl by any of her peers who aren't The Gang.

Barb. Chubby shy girl always in the preppy princess' shadow as the holy voice of reason, invited along as nothing but the moral support so Nancy can get laid. Dead. Dead and forgotten by literally everyone except her parents and used as a character device for Nancy (and by extension her romance with Steve.)

Steve is only technically an outcast by association. Sure, he has that fight with Tommy, but Tommy and the dude always kissing ass in Tommy's shadow are the only ones we ever see actually like. Treating Steve any differently, arcade manager dude aside (who just does not give a shit about anyone else anyway.) If the Duffers had actually properly shown Steve at school like Nancy we would've seen that while he might not have been as popular, he definitely wouldn't be sat alone in the corner. I mean come on he was in Scoops Ahoy and still getting flirted with. If you actually peeled him away from The Gang for like five minutes he'd be top of the food chain again.

The actual outcasts themselves pick and choose who is and isn't allowed in The Gang and will immediately turn on each other the moment one of them doesn't meet the standard, as we clearly saw with Lucas, who literally just got into sport and made a few friends on the team. They turn on each other constantly, weaponize their knowledge of each other as and when it suits them, and clearly have a classification of what is and isn't the 'right' kind of outcast. (coughBillyHargrovecough.) Which is exactly the behavior they resent the 'normies' for.

Apropos Billy. The Duffers literally said "its about outcasts and found family and coming together against monsters both human and not" and then also said "except for the traumatised queer-coded abuse victim. We very very clearly want you to know he is the most evil of evil out there and his sole purpose is to get beaten up and die." They decided Steve Harrington couldn't die so they made his evil gay clone. The literal only way they could think of to make Billy "bad" was to have him shout at Lucas and beat up Steve. They said "his ass is too big for him to live but we're gonna ride it for the entire PR train."

Speaking of queer-coded outcasts and dying. I know you hate Eddie Munsen, but he was basically the Queer Canary 2.0. The Duffers really said "anyone who would not be on a Home and Garden magazine cover must be shot on sight." Joe and Joseph started getting a lil too homerotic and the Duffers started loading up the gun.

And controversial but Robin. I love love love Robin but its really like the Duffers said "we have to keep one queer alive to avoid the homophobia allegations" and then after months at the drawing board they just shrugged and said "why don't we just copy-paste Steve but change the formatting to lesbian?"

And like. Its been shown that the moment all these so-called outcasts are separated, suddenly, they're not really that outcast anymore! They're all growing up, getting hobbies, making new friends, realizing that they don't have quite as much in common as they thought they did. Will and Dustin are the only two who kind of stay on the hem of that original format.

I'm not even going to talk about whatever the fuck that was with Eleven running away to some fever dream Murder Goths™ secret club. Not even the Duffers want to talk about it. It genuinely makes me think of the Twilight baseball scene. Its like you know the vision they had in mind when they thought it up but then its like they asked AI to create it.

Stranger Things is just the Duffers' Wattpad Mary Sue Y/N fanfiction.

Don’t you DARE disrespect the twilight baseball scene like this

No one in this life could ever convince me Eddie is queer like god himself could stand before me and I will tell him he is wrong

Billy being Steve’s evil gay clone is so real tho I’ll give you that

Um it’s 2024 are we all ready to admit the party is just the nerd boy version of the plastics? Are we ready to have that conversation? I’m ready to have that conversation

[thsc-stuffs]

Hmmm. Considering the rework again.

I do feel that romantic Stickvin is sorta out of the question, and am perfectly okay with that. They'll be close for sure, though! I'm debating between them treating each other as family (without realizing the Actually Are Family) or just being like, best bros. Regardless, Hubert sees his brother in Henry and it does cause some weirdness between them at first. I could see Hubert advising Charles that he may need to be careful with Henry at first, but he'd definitely warm up to the thief over time. I'm not sure if they'd ever actually connect the dots and realize they're uncle and nephew, but it's nice to think about! Them figuring it out would let Henry have at least some knowledge of his family, and Hubert to have a small piece of his brother back.

I'm actually vaguely considering Henry and Ellie still having a relationship of some kind! Maybe an unlabeled queer platonic sort of relationship. Ellie's a lesbian and Henry's not entirely sure they're into women but they are Holding Hands. Partners in crime! Makes TCW all the worse. I think Henry should get to Look At RHM and Ellie should get to look at. I actually don't know who. Shipping her with Dr. V is common but we headcanon Dr. V to be in her 50s-60s and not into women (tossing labels back and forth, currently straight and asexual) so Ellie might Look Respectfully but not pursue it by any means.

Speaking of Ellie, the more I think about it the more I see her having trouble figuring out friendship vs. queer platonic vs. romantic. She seems like the kind of person who loves everyone close to her very strongly and doesn't care for labels or societal expectations. One of those "kiss the homies goodnight" type of people. She'll get very close to people and not really know where those lines stand so she just say fuck it and either not really use labels or let the other person define them (within reason). In Toppat timelines, I can see her getting close to Reginald and Carol Cross as two of those blurry sorta relationships. She's not pursuing any kind of relationship in particular, she just wants to have people she can trust and be close to regardless of what that makes them.

TLDR; Henry and Charles are bros, Henry and Ellie are partners in crime, Ellie has many hands.

[tevanbegins]

So my mom and I somehow ended up talking about queer stuff today (which we rarely ever do because I know my family is homophobic) and she legit declared that she is completely against lesbians, gays, and queer people in general, and that she can never accept any of it because it is not a part of 'our Indian culture.' I just wanted to bang my head against the wall and cry. Wtf???!!!😠😭

More below the cut if you wish to read:

Although I am a staunch queer ally, I personally don't identify with any LGBTQ+ identity (at least so far, but I'm open to the idea of discovering something new about myself if it ever happens.) I have to credit Schmico for my love and appreciation of this beautiful community. Becoming a Schmico stan truly helped me get rid of whatever silly prejudices I may have had before due to the 'culture' I was raised in, and made me more aware and knowledgeable. Unfortunately, homophobia / transphobia / heteronormativity is quite common in my country, and the stupid misconceptions and lack of awareness about the LGBTQ+ community is appalling, which is why it is extremely rare here to find people who are out and proud.

Ironically, I'm quite close to my mom and can talk to her freely about a lot of other things, but my obsession with Schmico and allyship to the queer community is something I can't share with her — because I know she'd think there was something wrong with me. So it's sorta like I'm in a closet of my own, and it feels terrible. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for queer people who can't share their truth with their families because they know they won't be accepted by them for who they are. (And if it isn't a safe space for someone to come out, they should never feel obligated to do it because their queerness is still valid even if they don't.) Yet I can't help but wish that we all lived in a world that was not such a discriminatory place and everyone was treated equally, and coming out wasn't a thing that anybody ever needed to do or fear because it was totally normalised.

Those Grey's Anatomy viewers who judge Nico for being afraid to come out to his parents clearly have no idea how scary it actually is. But I just want to say to those of you who are struggling and confused and scared that you are loved and accepted no matter what! Today felt like one of those days where I needed to say it here and send loads of love your way. To conclude, I genuinely want to express gratitude for all the amazing friends I have made in the Schmico fandom — with whom I get to gush over my favourite ship without being shamed for it! It means a lot to me and I love you all so much! 😘❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🥰

[seblaine-rph]

While you're looking into rps can we talk about Devereux Academy for a minute? A basic look at their main and rules reveals Kristin Stewart as an FC but she's asked repeatedly not to be used in rp, people getting originally tested for being Dom Switch or sub at 17, the rp wording is almost an exact replica of another rp that ran for a while, and they are allowing the Motta family to be whitewashed with a white Robert Pattinson FC. I'm sure theres more i was just too disgusted to keep looking.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been told to take a look at @devereuxacademy or heard about it being problematic. I can’t tell you about the dash and I’m not going to troll through everyone’s blogs, so if there is something on the dash that anyone would like to share with me (problematic plots, not tagging triggers, admin behavior,etc) then feel free to send another ask. 

More than one person came to me when this rp first hit the tags, asking if I thought they had stolen parts of their rp. I reported this by answering multiple different asks about it and they never responded, which is very telling. Honestly, I think they did. Intentionally or not, they do have a lot of parts of other, existing roleplays in their plot and there are so many copy and pasted things that it looks to be done on purpose. You can say, “but it’s a D/s academy rp and there’s only so many ways to rp in a school, so of course it looks similar to other rps of the same genre” except for the part where even academy rps have their own unique plot points, including the history of the world, social economics, and the school as well as the history of the administration. And that wasn’t the last time it was brought to my attention, or the only reason. I do see it, if we’re looking for my opinion on the matter of stolen plot content. I can see at least three different roleplays that were already in the tags for a long time, weaved together to make this group. I don’t really see anything that is original in the plot or worldview info, aside from maybe the intense details on IVF as the reason for there being so many triplets. Don’t quote me on that, though, it may have been used before. I just haven’t seen it. 

It weirds me out that they have all of their characters being thrust into nsfw situations before 18, with what should be an 18+ concept like BDSM, and at the same time they’re a discord rp as well as a tumblr rp. It says on their application that the characters are tested to find out which mark they are at 17. That’s a minor, being tested in a nsfw way because however you slice it BDSM and D/s are nsfw and nobody under the age of 18 can legally or morally be allowed to even dip a single toe in and that includes taking a test to find out what kinks they like and whether they’re going to want to be catching or receiving when it comes to sex. It just makes me wonder what’s being hidden in the discord. I’d also like to mention that they do have the option to play teachers as well as students, which is just weird and gross to me in this instance. The content is nsfw, clearly some students are going to get with teachers. It’s weird enough when it’s a sfw college rp and students do not smut with teachers, but being a teacher is a respectable character choice so I can see why you’d want to do it. If you were going to focus on talking to other teachers and developing plots with other teachers. In this instance though... the power dynamic between teachers and students are way different and there is a sexual overtone automatically because this is a kinky smut rp. You can also play a character as young as 21, which just makes me hope there are no relationships being written out by naive 21 year olds with their 30-40-50+, way more mature, could be their parent teacher. That might sound like I’m making up something that would never happen, but I have seen someone try to play a 62 year old lesbian that was predatory towards 19 year olds and even claimed one in a D/s rp like this. We all know how Glee rps work, we all know this line has already been crossed. We all also know why that’s gross- it’s an abuse of power and there is no way that a teacher/student dynamic could be cute because there will always be a sense of one person being way more mature than the other and being in a seat of power. Another reason to wonder what’s being hidden on this discord.

There are incorrectly casted families. In particular, I’m seeing POC families with fcs that should not belong because they do not match. I’d really like to know how it is that two Filipino girls and a black girl are twins. As a general note to the admins, you can’t erase half of someone’s ethnicity either. There are other families where one or more character is half right but also half wrong in an offensive way. And some families that are just wrong. I do give them props on some of this being right, but that doesn’t erase the other problems. You can’t whitewash people. Not all Asians are the same. Not all Latinx people are the same. Brown people aren’t interchangeable. Let me just list these so they’re easier to fix:

In the Adams family, Alex Newell is African-American but the fc has a sister that’s  British, Polish and Caribbean. That might be picking at straws but I always find it offensive when people pick and choose how to group ethnicities- like deciding all Asians are the same so they can be related. Either way, she’s over half white which doesn’t match up. 

Laura Harrier is Rachel Berry, she is half black and half white with Jewish background so that’s a really nice choice but then she’s twins with two Haliee Steinfeld fcs? Hailee who is Filipino... She’s also been accused of using the N word and being racist so she’s on a lot of people’s banned lists for the same reasons as Lea Michele. 

Brianna Tju is in a Chinese family but she’s half Indonesian. She’s also a Disney Channel star, so some people find that problematic from the start, because most of her resources are from kid’s shows at an age that is too young to be roleplaying. She’s only 22 now, which is old enough to rp, however the only real resources she has are from something that aired in 2015 and was likely filmed in 2014 or earlier. When she was definitely a minor. 

Kaya Scoldelario is Brazilian. She’s whitewashed by being placed in the Clarington family.

Zoe Deutch is Jewish. Her siblings are Matthew Daddario (Slovak, Italian, Irish, Hungarian, and English) and Haley Lu Richardson, who has a white background that doesn’t include Jewish. This is the Corcoran family as well, which should be Jewish, since they’re all related to Idina Menzel.

Victoria Pedretti is Jewish and she’s in the very white Evans family.

None of the older Fabrays are Jewish, and Ashley Johnson is Native American but also somehow a twin of the white Frannie Fabray.

Principal Figgins is played by someone that is Pakistani but the Figgins on the masterlist is played by Dev Patel, who is Gujarati Indian. 

Tyler Hoechlin is also partially Native American, but he is placed in the Flangan (Irish, like straight out of Ireland) family that has Rory recast as Thomas Dogherty (Scottish) with an Ariana Grande (Italian) twin as well. 

Kristen Stewart is on the masterlist but she has asked numerous times not to be used in roleplay because it makes her uncomfortable. I just covered this for another roleplay, and I’ve seen other people mention it, so it’s common knowledge at this point. She has been saying this for a long time. She’s also placed as the twin of Danielle Campbell, who is Mexican and Cajun French while Kristen is just white and the canon family member (Gilbert, so Adam Lambert) is Jewish.

Zendaya is also placed as a twin to Samantha Ware. Zendaya is mixed race, half black and half white, while Samantha is black. 

Yvette Monreal is the twin to Demi Lovato. Yvette is Chilean. Demi is Mexican and Portuguese. 

Avan Jogia is a Hart, but he is Gujarati Indian and white. He would be a better family relation to Dev Patel than anyone else on the masterlist and vice versa. As a refresher, Samuel Larsen (the canon fc for the Hart family) is Mexican, Danish, Spanish and Persian.

Maddison Jaizani is Iranian, but she’s listed as a Holliday which makes her related to Gwyneth Paltrow... a blonde, white woman.

Jacob Elordia is Basque and his sibling on the masterlist is Marie Avgeropoulos, a Greek actress. 

Rafael Silva is Brazilian, but he is a Lopez triplet, related to a Mexican-Irish sister (Lindsay Morgan) and a Mexican-Jewish sister (Alexa Demie).

Sugar Motta is played by Vanessa Lengies on Glee, an Egyptian actress. Her family is whitewashed with two white fcs, Kelli Berglung and Robert Pattinson. 

Kaylee Byrant is Japanese but she is twin to Madison Beer (Jewish) and Daisy Ridley (white).

The Puckerman family has lost its Jewish heritage. The only two on Noah’s side are Adelaide Kane (white) and Luke Pasqualino (Italian). Jake Puckerman has been recast as Justice Smith, who is half black and half white but is not Jewish. His sister is Samantha Logan who is half Trinidadian and half white and Pauline Singer, who is full Fijian.

Antonia Gentry is cast as a Weston. She is Jamaican, her listed twin is half white and half African-American. The newest acceptance for a Weston is for an African American fc. 

Lili Reinhart is on the masterlist, but she’s problematic. She’s defended the abusive behavior of her cast mate, Cole Sprouse, who was very publicly accused of sexual assault and abuse. She’s also been accused of blackface annnnnnnd she’s used queer baiting to get people to watch the show. (She teased a girl on girl relationship publicly, telling people to watch the show because they might finally get to see something between Betty and Veronica, knowing that the fans wanted it, but then when she was asked about it in a later interview she scoffed and acted like it was absolutely impossible and would never happen, some would say she even sounded offended by the thought-- which is what everyone got mad at Melissa Benoist for doing with Supergirl.)

David Corenswet is Jewish, cast with Emily Browning as a sister, who is not.

I applaud the Brazilian change for Lauren Zizes, but Ashley Fink was a welcome representation of plus size actresses and the new fc is less than half her size. She’s still plus size technically, but she’s “model plus size,” which is not at all the same as Lauren’s body type. I ran this by someone that this change would affect and they were not pleased. They were the one that pointed this out to me, because it bothered them as a plus size person to see one of the few plus size characters recasted with a skinnier fc. 

Dove Cameron is also on the masterlist, but she’s on a bunch of people’s banned lists. She replied to a fan that said they wanted her to notice them that they were stupid and had no life if that was one of their goals. She’s been rude to cast and crew on set. Dove has also been accused of throwing a fit and making the writers change the Descendants script to take the relationship that was written out for a black actress. She’s being accused of yellow fishing, which I believe is the term for trying to look Asian. She wore a Native American headdress in a cultural appropriation type of way. She’s been accused of being fatphobic and hiding behind photoshop on her social media while saying she doesn’t photoshop, so she’s giving off a false sense of reality to her fans. She’s been talking badly about someone that is trying to get their sexual assault story out there. The latest thing that’s come out about her is a rant about how mental health isn’t real and that people just need to logic their way out of depression? Which would be coming from a seat of high privilege. She wrote a series of tweets on the topic, calling negative mental health and the feelings they cause “a choice.” There’s a whole hashtag on Tumblr for her. 

I’m not at all surprised to see that all of the diverse characters are open. No Artie, no Unique- who could definitely be recast as an actual trans woman, now that we’re living in the age of recasting for reasons of problematic natures- if we can have a new Puck, new Finn, new Rachel, and new Santana why not an appropriate Unique? She is literally the only canon trans woman, why not treat her with respect? They recasted Cooper to better fit the proper ethnicity, so... 

[jawbonejoe]

Sweet thanks for the link! (also big fan of the title) haven't started reading it just yet but out of curiosity is there anything I should know about the characters? (I'm kinda going in like everyone is an oc at this point with my lack of knowledge lol. Also noticed in your authors note a brandon Sanderson mention which is good timing because I just finished warbreaker (haven't read more of his yet tho)

I haven’t read any Sanderson myself but he comes highly recommended and so I figured I’d plug him for part of the opening scene. It’s all about finding a good fantasy book, anyway, and the fantasy people I know flip for Brandy Sandy.

Here’s what you need to know about the world:

Midnight City is the place where two key mobs exists, The Midnight Crew and The Felt. They’re rival mobs and in my fic they’re two of many mobs in town because, historically, there’s never just two mobs in a big city. All the mobs are based off of games, the Crew are playing cards and the Felt are pool balls. In the fic I introduce another mob, the Bocce Boys, who are bocce balls. The Felt also have a weird angle from the original content where they’re all green and they have time magic which is like ‘uh?’ but comes in useful for fun stuff later on.

The MC are our favorite mob and they’re composed of Spade Slick (leader, vicious little psychopath with one eye and a robot arm), Diamond Droog (also a vicious psychopath, stereotypical gangster who cares about looks ((think Eddie Mars with Lash Canino’s temper)) married to Slick bc gay), Clubs Duece (cherry little demolitions expert) and my personal favorite Hearts Boxcars (brick shithouse brute with a romantic side to beat the band.)

In this particular AU of them they’re all parent to one of the HS trolls (I know it’s involved just come with me on this journey). Really you don’t need to know a lot about the kids, just that Hearts’s son Tavros is more sweet and timid than the others. I more of less use the kids for comedic relief and a Greek chorus to drive home this or that.

With every town full of mobs there’s a detective agency tasked with dealing with them and that brings us to Team Sleuth. They’re three idiots and two gals just doing a decent job in a crooked town. Problem Sleuth (highly charismatic leader, dumb well meaning and hot), Ace Dick (PS’s old rival, the actual strongest man in the world, four feet tall with a poor attitude and a family at home), Hysterical Dame (a tough lady sleuth who lets her fists do the talking and is an absolute sweetie), Nervous Broad (a tall drink of water with a brain the size of Nebraska, she and Dame are married bc lesbians), and my other favorite Pickle Inspector (a blond telephone pole with a heart of gold, a big imaginative brain and the constitution of a spiderweb.)

I think most everything else gets spelled out in the fic or common sense, the mobs are often fighting, detectives and gangsters rarely get along, and when Spades Slick goes missing his husband and the rest of the Crew want him back. If there’s anything I’m missing you can ask any time, and if you want any visuals of what everyone looks like I recommend my designs for Pickle Inspector and Hearts as well as my good buddy’s designs for the rest of the crew, they inspired me to get into this project in the first place and their designs for everyone have been spot on for a decade now, truly the Good Stuff. Also looking at their Pickle Inspector, isn’t he just the best thing you ever clapped eyes on?

[ante--meridiem]

(You don't have to answer if this is too personal btw) It's just that I've known for about two years that I'm probably-mostly a lesbian, but I never had someone to talk to about it seriously. I'm almost 19 now and never really tried to get involved with someone romantically because I don't want to weird anyone out or make them uncomfortable. And I know that doing stuff at my own pace is totally cool but sometimes I worry that I'm late to the game or something :/ What were your experiences?

Hi anon :). Don’t worry, it’s not too personal. (I mean, my answer is quite personal, but what is tumblr for if not over sharing with strangers on the internet? :P) I hope my experiences can help you, though if you’re looking for dating advice the most I can say is “don’t do what I did”.

I can empathise with a lot in this ask. I realised that I was gay at about the same time as you, and it felt late to me as well - but going by what I've heard from other lesbians I've talked to, I think it's actually quite average. (I think the reason it feels late to us is because most "common knowledge" about LGBTQ stuff tends to focus on gay men, who just anecdotally seem to realise a lot earlier on average). I'm still not 100% confident in my sexuality - I settled on "lesbian" more by process of elimination than anything else. The only thing I'm mostly certain of is that I'm not straight - I could potentially be wrong about liking girls, or about not liking guys, but there is no way that I'm attracted to men more than to women.

Extensive discussion of my personal life below, feel free to read if you want to.

Getting to identify as a lesbian was a really long, confusing process for a few reasons. I'm the kind of person who tends to overintellectualise and overrationalise my feelings, so it was far too easy for me to convince myself that I felt the things I "should" feel. My immediate environment was never intensely homophobic (...extended family is a different matter, I'm still not out to them because I'm pretty sure my grandmother would react very badly based on arguments we've had about LGBTQ rights in the past), but the possibility of being anything other than straight just wasn't discussed, other than in a "that's weird and inappropriate for children" kind of way, so I ended up with the impression that being gay is such an unusual and distinct experience that it would be impossible not to know if you were. 

In retrospect, there were a some feelings I had for girls when I was younger that would probably count as crushes/puppy love (I made a girl a Valentines Day card when I was 11, for God's sake, and in my naive obliviousness didn't think anything of it) but somehow I never connected that feeling of intense, nervous admiration to what a crush was supposed to feel like. I managed to think my way into believing I liked various boys and had a tendency to confuse mutual respect for romantic love. (Those "crushes" made me sure for a while that I couldn't be gay, because I liked boys, didn't I? It's honestly hard for me to pick out a detail that proves they were fake, even now, but the main thing that stands out is I preferred talking about how much I liked them over actually talking to them.) Later, I had a phase where I rationalised that romantic love was a lie and indistinguishable from platonic love, and I shouldn’t care so much about it - even though part of me very much cared. 

I can pretty much split my realisation into two parts; realising I wasn't attracted to men and realising I was attracted to women. Both parts were difficult, but in their own way. The easiest one (or maybe I should say "simplest" one, since while it was fairly obvious it wasn't particularly easy emotionally - it made me feel even more weird and out of place, which I’d already felt for other reasons) was realising I wasn't sexually attracted to men - except that at the time, I just parsed it as not being interested in sex generally. Somehow the possibility of sex that didn't involve men at all wasn't something I was really aware of. My friends would talk about how attractive various men were, and I'd just feel extremely confused and like I was missing something. Being the pretentious person I was I rationalised it as "sex is meaningless anyway, all I really care about is love". 

The other half was much more confusing, but happened in a pretty cliché way - I fell in love with a friend. I can't actually say how long it took me to realise that because I'd always seen her differently from my other friends, but I put it down to admiration, jealousy and wishing I could be her. I kind of assumed that she was just so special that everyone must feel that way around her. A moment that stands out is when she was telling me about various guys who'd asked her out, and I started feeling weirdly jealous about it but also found myself thinking well I can't blame them, if I were a guy I'd want to date her too. From there it took about a year to realise that the "if I were a guy" clause wasn't necessary. It felt completely different from my other “crushes” - she made me feel happy more than nervous, I wanted things to stay just between us instead of wanting to share them with everyone, she popped into my head unasked for instead of me making myself think about her. I was hyperaware of her presence and couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful she was - which had never happened with a guy.

At that point I started calling myself biromantic asexual (terms I found on the internet and never actually used in real life - the most I told anyone was that I was bi, which it still took a long time to be willing to do - I think I was seventeen by the time I actually told anyone I might be bi), but I was still very uncertain of it. For a long time I told myself that I didn't really like girls, I just liked her. I was also completely in denial that my attraction had any physical component at all, because I felt like that would make it less "pure" and I was terrified of being creepy. I tried asking my parents for advice, but they insisted that admiring your friends a lot was normal and didn't mean anything, and I couldn't explain how I knew that this was different. (It didn't help that they believed the only difference between friendship and romance is physical attraction, and I couldn’t define any other difference even though I knew there was one). My mom was hesitant because it would be harder for me if I wasn’t straight, which... I know she meant well, but it came off like she thought I was choosing to overcomplicate my life, something I internalised and that made me second-guess things even more.

Even once I accepted that I was probably bi, a part of me felt certain I would end up with a man, but I wasn’t happy about it - every time I thought about it, I felt resentful. It was the kind of thing that felt like a bad kind of inevitability. I was also scared to tell the friend in question I liked her, because the pessimistic part of me felt certain she was straight even though she’d hinted otherwise. Eventually I did though, but only when she was about to move away to study in university, and because I was afraid of freaking her out I decided to phrase it in past tense and downplay it (”I used to kind of have a crush on you”). When she took it well, I gained the courage to say I still liked her, but had been afraid to say anything because I was afraid of how she’d react. She told me I should have told her sooner, that gender didn’t matter to her and I shouldn’t have assumed she’d reject me. We spent the next few months exchanging semi-flirtatious messages and she said she might consider dating me some day, which came to a head when I realised she didn’t really mean that. I asked her to just straight up reject me - which she did. 

During all this time, I’d come to be very close friends with a guy. He understood me better than almost anyone except the friend I liked (or so I thought at the time) and I felt like I could tell him anything. He asked me out (knowing about the other friend who I was definitely not over) and I accepted, for all the wrong reasons - because it was flattering to be liked, because I was afraid no-one else would like me, because I was trying to get over her and didn’t want to be alone, and because I couldn’t find a reason not to. I told him I thought I might be asexual, but agreed to physical intimacy (not sex, mind you, just kissing and cuddling, but it was enough for me to feel between bored and uncomfortable) anyway, for a lot of the same wrong reasons. 

The relationship wasn’t bad per se, at least at first, but it felt - empty. Like ticking off the boxes of what a healthy relationship should be. We had deep, intimate conversations but it never felt like enough. At first, I tried pushing him for more - more depth, more intensity - because I was annoyed with what felt like complacency from him. I couldn’t understand how he could be satisfied - even happy - with what we had. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I didn’t know how to love right. The first time I tried to break up with him was after I’d introduced him to my former crush, and he noticed that as soon as she was around she had my full attention. I felt incredibly guilty, there was a lot of crying on both sides, but eventually we didn’t break up. The question came up again a few times - he tried to break up with me as well because he sensed I was being distant, and during this whole time, I started fantasising about being with various girls. This was when I started acknowledging that I might not be asexual after all. 

In the end, I decided to call myself a lesbian because it was the hard boundary I needed to draw in order to break off the relationship, and kept the label because nothing else seemed a better fit, but part of me still felt like I was faking it. (I once made a friend laugh by saying I had imposter syndrome about my sexuality). I was out to a few people - my closer friends, my parents and my English teacher - but only started being fully open about it once I went to university. I got involved in various LGBTQ communities and while I never felt I fit in especially well with the other people there, it did make the label feel less alien, to the point where I was comfortable casually referring to myself as gay. I even went on a few dates with a girl, but I could feel myself trying to force feelings that weren’t there again. I’d latched on to my sexuality as an explanation for why my last relationship went wrong, and I think I wanted to prove to myself that I could feel the right things if I were with someone of the right gender. 

After we decided we wouldn’t work out I decided to stop trying to force things. Right now, I’m very comfortable being single and think it’s best I stay that way until or unless I develop feelings for someone else naturally, though the thought of dating a girl someday makes me feel warm fluttery things in my stomach. (I do realise the chances I’ll just fall in love again without looking for it, and that she’ll be into girls and into me, are very small, but I don’t see a better option).  I’m also out to most people who are a regular presence in my life, extended family aside, and the label has stopped feeling just “good enough” and started actually feeling right.

[lesbian-ed]

I don't know if this is a stupid question, but how do people handle the feeling that being gay is wrong, like how do you work against the culture that tells you this. It's something I find so hard, knowing I'm a lesbian, even if it's just in the back of my mind.

Hey, there, cutie!

First of all I wanna tell you this is not a stupid question at all! I wish it were, to be honest, wish I could tell you it’s all easy peasy, and you’re the only one who struggles with this.

But you’re not. So many lesbians, baby lesbians, adult lesbians, ancient lesbians, even the dykes who fought for us in the 70s, everyone… We’re constantly bombarded by homophobia, left, right, and center.

Lesbians who work in LGB centers, lesbians who are activists, who would punch a homophobe in the face… All lesbians are still exposed to lesbophobia, and to internalized lesbophobia. It’s common, it’s normal, unfortunately, because society grooms us to be men’s property, and any woman who dares rebel against that is seen as a shrew, a monster, innately wrong, innately in the “bad path”.

I once was told by a complete stranger who knew nothing about me, except for the fact that I have some weirdly placed facial hair, that “people would think I look like a dyke”. When I told him he was too late, that I already am one, that I didn’t have time for his stupid lecture about what I should and shouldn’t do with my body hair, he told me “I still have time to repent”.

When complete strangers feel free to tell us we are sinners, wrongdoers, pariahs… How could we avoid not repeating those nasty mantras to ourselves? How could we not hate what all of society hates the most, a woman independent of man, a woman who would never need a male in her life to be completely and utterly free and happy?

We’re the ultimate “castrated” women, like Freud would call us, these women who don’t need a phallus, who are only self dependent, and dependent on other women. Lesbians are a force to be reckoned with, we are patriarchy’s worst fear, an that’s why we are taught to hate each other and ourselves.

But the epitome of rebellion is to refuse to hate. The way you avoid these fears, this internalized self-phobia, is by taking every thought that gets you down about yourself, and turning it around.

Every time someone makes you feel less-than, every time you make yourself feel less-than… You turn it the fuck around, and make yourself more-than. Lesbians are bigger and better. We cannot be dominated, nothing about us is meant to please men. We are self made, self built to please ourselves. There’s strength in being a woman who doesn’t need any man, and you are that woman, and you should own that strength and use it as a shield.

You’re a lesbian, and lesbians love, and lust, and want, and are. Lesbians are. We just are; there’s absolutely nothing broken in us, there’s nothing to be fixed.

You are an amazing, great woman, and it takes time to figure that out, but the best way to do it is to rationalize every single little self deprecating thought. Think about why you feel like being a lesbian is not good, and prove yourself wrong.

Is it because lesbians should have been straight? Well, most women are straight, or bi. Lesbians are a fraction of society. We are okay. We’re not harming anyone by loving our wives and building our families. We are as we are meant to be; sexuality is inherent, we have been born this way, and this way is the best way for us.

I think the best way for a lesbian to defend herself against lesbophobia is for us to understand misogyny, and understand why misogyny harms us as lesbians specifically, and fight against that. Become a feminist, become a radical feminist. Feminism helps us strap up our big girl shoes and go off into the world ready to feel we are good as we are. Feminism restores self respect in women, it restores our sense of wonder. There is strength in all of us, and feminism unleashes it. It teaches us we are okay, we are great, we do not need to change, no woman needs to change, no woman is defective.

I wish you the best of luck, my sister, in learning to love yourself and your lesbianism. Read up, educate yourself on lesbian culture and lesbian history, and defend yourself from your own lesbophobia by debunking all the arguments the world fed you. They have no proof, they have no way to back up their hatred, so theres no reason why you should repeat their homophobic lies to yourself. I love you and I’m proud of you, and I wish you the best lesbian life.

TL,DR: Arm yourself with knowledge, and surround yourself with knowledgeable women!

/Mod A

[purpledragonrp]

I can't respond to what I have no first hand knowledge of. All writing comes from personal experience and an understanding of how people think. If I'm only surrounded by people who are hets or are closeted, then i have no way to see how people react irl in respectful ways to lgbtq+. Therefore... I have no idea. Its not just me and my poor social skills. I literally have nothing to base it off of. I have no fundamental thing to build reply off of.

In reference to this post

Okay, I do see where you’re coming from on one level, Anon.  But you’re a writer.  That old adage about ‘writing what you know’ is probably one of the silliest and untrue writer ‘rules’ out there.  Don’t believe it.  ^_^  You have the internet at your finger tips.  Do some research.  Do some reading on how to react and/or how others have reacted.

What to do when your child comes out as LGBTQ

Parents: Quick Tips for Supporting Your LGBTQ Kids–and YOURSELF–During the Coming-Out Process

Supporting Your Son or Daughter Before, During & After They Come Out

Helping Familiesto Support TheirLGBT Children

Coming Out as Gay or Lesbian: Common Questions from Parents

When Your Child Comes Out: 6 Pieces of Advice to Parents From a Queer Teen

When a Child Comes Out, Parents May Want to Go in the Closet 

10 Things To Not Say when Your Child Comes Out To You

Responding to Teen Child Who Says He’s Gay

Coming Out For Christians: For Parents

10 Great Tips For Parents Whose Children Have Just Come Out As Gay

There’s plenty more out there; this is just what I found from a few quick Google searches: ‘how do I respond to an LGBTQ child’ - ‘when a child comes out’ - ‘different reactions to having a gay child’

Also - as a final link - there is a fantastic documentary from 2015 called Anyone and Everyone.  It contains interviews with parents and how they reacted when their children came out to them.  They’re from all walks of life and can give you a variety of viewpoints all in one go.  If you’d like to support their message, you can watch it On Demand here for $1.99 or I found it on Youtube for free, here.

Good luck with your research and your writing.  :)