#come friday and i go see this nurse friend who has a newborn and he asks me questions about my pain and

[egoiistas]

Ran out of tags fjsbdhd

Long tags; didn't read: five hours in the ER with bloodwork, ct scan, lumbar puncture and less cerebrospinal fluid than I went in with - final diagnosis: headache

Hope y'all are well <3

[cicinicole-14]

it’s always the darkest before dawn

hey listen, the entire jolexgroupchat fucking bULLIED ME into writing a part two for ‘denial isn’t just a river in egypt’ and that was very rude, but y’know it yielded results somehow, so like ??? take that what you will… anyway here’s this. enjoy.

Relief floods her entire body as soon as her eyes land on him. The feelings of dread and worry that had been wracking her body at the thought of returning to an empty loft with a baby that she had nothing for, by herself, terrified her. But just the sight of him brought relief through her.

She couldn’t cross the loft fast enough, practically catapulting into his embrace, grateful he was on the couch, fearing she’d knock him over if not.

She melts into his arms, burying her head into the crook of his neck, holding him so close, so tight.

The feeling of his arms wrapped around her waist and back, holding her against him, just like he used to. She inhales his scent, letting it flood her senses and relishes in the fact that he’s real; he’s here, for her, for them.

She pulls back, with tears in her eyes, but still, a sad smile on her face. “Come meet our son.” She says, pulling him up as she stood, leading him over to the bed where his carrier lay.

Meredith gently unclips the straps from his chest and between his tiny legs, adjusting the hat from covering his eyes and carefully lifts him out, presenting him over to Jo. Jo cradles him gently against her chest, tucking her head down to look at him and then back up at Alex.

“This is Luca. Luca, meet your Daddy.” She says, passing off the baby to Alex.

Meredith takes the moment to excuse herself, wishing the two a congratulations on their baby before slipping out of the loft, leaving the new parents to themselves.

Alex takes the baby from Jo, supporting his tiny, jello-y body in his massive hands.

Jo takes a step back, taking in the sight of how tiny Luca looked in Alex’s arms, the sight of Alex holding his son, the sight of seeing her family together. It resonates through her and she lets out a breath she’d seemingly been holding in, letting the calm feeling course through her.

She was happy. She felt whole. Everything was right.

Until it wasn’t.

Until Alex mentioned he was leaving the following week, on Sunday morning. Because he had a job, and kids, and an Izzie, and a life, all back in Kansas, where he didn’t belong. A life that she didn’t fit into.

And the feelings of dread resume. The feelings of denial come back, except this time, she isn’t able to deny the fact that she has a child, not with the way that he’s waking her up in the middle of the night every few hours to nurse. His constant crying to be held or soothed, or changed. The need of just being a newborn, and she just doesn’t have the energy anymore. Her world is cracking and crumbling, threatening to fall apart, only three days left until her shred of happiness will disappear again.

The three days pass in a blur, and she deteriorates even further.

The knocking at the loft door is almost concealed by the sound of Luca’s cries, but she doesn’t care. Whoever’s on the other side will go away eventually, she hopes.

Her hopes are crushed when there’s a key in the lock and the door slides open, and she can hear Meredith talking to her, but she doesn’t listen to her. And then Luca’s cries grow quieter, into soft whimpers and then smooth sounds of suckling.

“Jo! When has he last eaten? How long has he been crying?”

She doesn't answer, only clutching the pillow closer to her chest, taking a deep breath and inhaling the lingering scent of Alex still left on the pillowcase where his head lay, just that morning, mere hours ago.

Meredith paces the loft, feeding the baby and quietly getting him to sleep before putting him back in the crib across the loft, Ellis’ old one.

Meredith stays, the day, the rest of the week, stays every night, sleeping right next to Jo in the bed and seemingly takes care of them both, watching Jo slip further. She watches as Jo’s routine of getting up with Luca to feed him, clothe him, bathe him, all falter. She sleeps longer, harder. Her appetite fades and her mood fluctuates between being alright and conversing with Meredith to downright anger with her.

Meredith watches the light drain from Jo’s eyes, further and further every day. She watches as Jo starts refusing to take Luca from her for feedings, thus resulting in her having to give him formula. She watches as the bond she knew Jo had with her son, slips right out from under them.

She calls in reinforcements, in the form of Link, who Jo just ends up yelling at them both and barring Link from even being in the loft entirely after stating he was worried about her and concerned for Luca’s well-being.

She yells at Meredith for having the audacity to call Link in the first place, but ultimately decides to let her stay, having no energy to continue fighting with her, or energy to deal with the screaming child in the crib due to the influx of loud voices in the tiny home.

Meredith steps out late that night, calling Alex to inform him on what’s been going on. To ask him for help, to see if he would know what to do.

They gave Jo until the end of the week, gave her room to improve on her actions before Alex returned, but she hadn’t.

She had still been withdrawn and distant. Her son had barely seemed to know her by the end of his almost first month of life. And it broke Meredith’s heart to see such a close friend of hers going through so much heartache.

Alex returned on a Thursday, late in the evening, with a suitcase in hand, to see for himself just how worse for wear Jo really was.

“You left, again.”

The sound of her voice makes them both freeze as Meredith looks up at Jo just as Alex settles himself into the loft, ready to take Luca from his friend.

They both turn and stare at her, not knowing what to say. She’s still lying in the bed, unmoving, not even looking in their direction, he’s surprised she even knew he was there due to the lack of acknowledgement.

She doesn’t say anything else after that, and he apologizes, but there’s really nothing else he could say other than sorry.

He leaves early Monday morning, and Jo’s slight rise in demeanor fades again, and she goes back to the detached shell of a human she’d been.

She doesn’t eat again, doesn’t speak, doesn’t even flinch when Luca cries anymore, and Meredith’s grasping at straws, looking for answers at this point.

“She’s got PPD, Mer. I’ve seen the signs in parents in the NICU. It’s hard, but she was a huge candidate for it. The history of depression, the abandonment issues and past trauma I forced upon her by leaving her,  pregnant and alone. The medical complications with his birth. Almost every risk factor I could name, she’s got.” He says into the phone.

“What do we do? I can’t keep doing this. I can’t watch her as she throws away her life like this, Alex. I can’t watch her become this shell of a person when I knew how happy having a family with you would make her. I know she loves Luca, but I can’t watch her do this to herself anymore.” She’s got the phone wedged between her ear and one shoulder while she props Luca up on the other, patting his back to burp him.

She knows Jo can hear her, and she feels bad, initially, but maybe hearing how this was affecting her too, maybe it would spark something in Jo, she hoped.

“I’m coming back on Friday, I’m taking them both here. I can’t keep missing work, or leaving the kids, but I’m worried about her. I know she does better when I’m around. I don’t know if it’ll help, but they’re both coming here to live with me.” He says, “She doesn’t have a choice. I can’t watch her go through this, knowing I’m the reason why.”

“What about the twins? Have you told them? Izzie?” Meredith questions.

“Iz knows. I told her everything once I came back from the last trip. She’s the one that suggested moving Jo out here, since she’d seemed to do better with me around. And we’d sat the twins down together the other night to tell them about Jo and their baby brother Luca coming to stay at Daddy’s house, and they’d get to see them both when it was my days with them.”  He sighs, and Meredith can only assume he’s rubbing his hand over his face, thinking about the upcoming adjustments for them all. “Izzie even pulled out boxes of old baby things she still kept from the twins. And the new crib will be here on Thursday before I leave. I just need her here, them here. I need her to be okay.”

“She will be, it’s always the darkest before dawn. It’s Jo. You know she’s going to be okay. She just needs a little help.”

Friday hadn’t come fast enough for any of them. And it left Alex in a whirlwind of emotions and things to accomplish and do before the very short weekend was over.

Meredith had helped him so very much. Even Schmidt and Link had too, helping get things from the lot packed quickly, all while Jo had yelled and protested about leaving her home. About how she didn’t need anyone’s help and that she hated each and every single one of them for doing this.

But the moment that Sunday afternoon had rolled around, and Alex stood at the loft door, baby carrier in one hand and suitcase in the other, all hell had broken loose.

Jo had screamed at him, yelling how he couldn’t just take her son away from her. How he was ruining their family and how she hated him.

But Alex had just calmly set the carrier down onto the ground, careful not to wake his sleeping son, and reached out for Jo. He was careful of his actions, making sure she knew he wasn’t going to grab at her making her think he’d hurt her, but instead, he reaches out his hand and rubs her upper arm before she stills, and he takes the moment to pull her fully into his embrace.

He holds her, firmly, yet gentle, as he begins to swipe wisps of hair from her face that had fallen from the tangled bun on the top of her head. “Jo. Jo, listen to me.” He says softly, trying to get her attention. “I’m not taking him from you, I told you this, I promised you this. You’re both coming with me. I can’t be in two places at once, but you need me with you, so I came back here for you, to get you. We’re going to Kansas. We’re going to be a family there, together, remember? Remember what we talked about last night? You’re going to get to meet Eli and Alexis, and they’re going to get to know you, and grow up with their baby brother. They can’t wait to meet you.” He promises.

Her shaking anger starts to dissipate, and his tight embrace loosens as he backs away from her, just enough to look into her eyes. “Can we go now? We don’t want to be late for our flight.” He says softly.

She only nods in response, wrapping both her arms into his, fearing to even let go. He struggles for a moment, wondering how to juggle the baby, Jo, and the suitcase at the top of the loft stairs before ultimately deciding to leave the bag to walk Jo and the baby down to the car before returning to put the suitcase in after.

They return to his house later that evening, and he welcomes her home, hoping that the change of scenery might help.

He settles her in, showing her around before leaving her suitcase in the guest room, watching as the first thing she did was crawl into the bed to sleep.

He lets her, knowing that just traveling alone could wear her out in this state.

He decides on making dinner, her favorite boxed macaroni and cheese, in hopes it would entice her to put something in her body besides the protein bars they’d all been forcing her to eat just to basically survive.

He walks up the stairs with a sleeping, full Luca in one arm and a bowl of the macaroni in his other hand, leaving the bowl on her nightstand before putting the baby in the new crib in his room.

He turns in for the night a few hours later, and just as he’s drifting off to sleep, he feels her slip in bed next to him. He doesn’t say anything, just wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her close, inhaling her scent as he begins to drift off to sleep.

A cry startles him awake, and he turns to roll over and slip out of bed to sooth the baby, but she’s beating him to it, already halfway out of bed.

“I’ve got him.” A quiet whisper into the night.

And he watches as she shuffles across the room in the dark, lifting the baby out of his crib and reaching for the water bottle and container of formula on the changing table next to them, preparing a bottle like it was second nature to her. He watches her pace the room, feeding their son in the dead of night, as if nothing had been wrong.

The three simple words echoing in his ears that change his world. Three simple words that gave him the hope that everything would be okay again.

[ddixons-angel]

Fated: Season 3

Summary: Gloria Rhee narrowly escapes Atlanta with her brother as the outbreak reaches the city. Luckily, they find a camp outside the city and together, they fend through encounters with the living and undead.

Starts a little before Season 1 and then follows the main storyline of the show.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Glenn Sister!OC

Warnings: major TWD spoilers, language, violence (the typical TWD stuff)

A/N: Friday is here~ And with that, you guys get another chapter!! I do have a feeling though, not a lot of you are gonna like what happens but hey, we kinda knew this was coming... right? you’ll see what I mean haha please don’t hate me!

Chapter 6

Rick had come back to the group’s main area to check up on Carl, Glenn had told him that he and Maggie were going on a run for more supplies and formula for the baby. Daryl lets him know that he’s going to clear the other side of the prison. Once he’s all filled in on the situation, Rick goes back to the dark corridors to continue clearing off his side of the prison. After sending Glenn and Maggie off on their run, Gloria wanders around the prison, checking outside the perimeter, making sure the fences are secure. When she comes back she sees Carl, Oscar and Rick back in the main area but still no sign of Daryl. 

“Daryl’s still in the corridors, he got worked up when we found Carol’s knife.” Carl says as if reading her mind, “I think he’s gonna need some time alone.”

Gloria sighs but nods, “Thanks, buddy.” 

She pats his shoulder then goes to the cell block to check on Beth and the baby, seeing if they need any assistance. 

“We’re going to be out of formula soon if she keeps eating the way she does.” Beth informs her.

“She must have Carl’s appetite.” Gloria chuckles, making Beth laugh lightly.

Shuffling footsteps emit from the back hall and draw Gloria’s attention away from Beth and the baby. Wary of the sounds, she puts her hand on one of her daggers as she walks slowly towards the entrance of the back hallway. Daryl emerges from the entrance carrying a weak but alive Carol. Gloria’s eyes well up with happy tears at the sight of her. Daryl carries her to one of the cell blocks as Gloria follows them. Carol sits down on the bed and leans on the wall. Gloria immediately goes to her side to check up on her as Daryl steps back, giving them space. 

“I’m so glad you’re alive.” Gloria tells her, a smile on her face as tears stream down her face, “you must be dehydrated, I’ll be right back.”

Carol smiles weakly at her and nods, then Gloria runs out to get Carol a bottle of water. On her way out, she sees that Rick had brought in a stranger with a katana laying on the floor. She decides not to pry as Carol is her first priority and she knows that whatever the situation is, Rick can handle it. 

“Hey Rick, you’re gonna wanna see this.” Daryl calls out from the cell block.

Gloria rushes back to the cell, opening the bottle of water and handing it to Carol. She takes it generously, parching her dry lips. Rick and Hershel come by the cell and relief is written all over their faces when they see Carol is alive. They both take turns hugging her, smiling and with tears in their eyes. Carol then looks at Beth who’s holding the newborn baby and a realization hits her. 

“I’m so sorry...” Carol says as she looks at Rick. 

“Yeah...” Rick sighs, then walks out of the cell. 

Daryl and Hershel follow him out to the main area while Gloria stays with Carol. She removes the scarf that’s wrapped around her right hand and hands it to Carol. 

“This belongs to you.” Gloria smiles softly, “you must be starving, I made some oatmeal earlier but you’re going to have to bear with it, I’m nowhere as good a cook as you.”

Carol chuckles and shakes her head, “that sounds lovely.” 

She smiles then heads back out to the main area towards the kitchen. Gloria grabs a bowl and a spoon for Carol then she’s about to scoop up some oatmeal into the bowl.

“The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy with a pretty girl.” the stranger with a katana said, her words making Gloria freeze. 

“What happened to them? Were they attacked?” Rick asks.

“Not attacked. Taken. Taken by the same asshole who shot me.” she tells them.

“Those are our people. You tell me where they took them, now!” Rick yells in her face. 

She looks up at him, not backing down, “find them yourself.”

“Hey,” Gloria calls over to the stranger, Hershel, Daryl, Rick, and the stranger turn to look at her as she walks towards them, “you have to tell us where we can find them.”

“Why should I?” she looks at her warily.

“That young Asian guy, his name is Glenn. He’s my brother. And that pretty girl? Her name is Maggie, she’s his daughter.” Gloria gestures over to Hershel, “They’re our family, our blood. We’ll get them ourselves, just please, tell us where they are. I’ll get on my knees and beg you if I have to, please!”

The stranger has a thoughtful look on her face, as if contemplating her words and then finally gives in, “There’s a town called Woodbury, run by this asshole guy who calls himself the Governor. Military commander wannabe. I’m sure they got taken there.”

“How did you know to find this place?” Rick asks, crouching down to the stranger’s level.

“Overheard them mentioning a prison.” she says simply.

Rick turns around and looks up at Gloria who nods at him before she turns around to head back to the cell block, “Gloria will take care of your wound, she’s a nurse.”

“Was.” Gloria calls out as she walks to the cell blocks, then gets her newly put together first aid kit from her cell that she now just used as a storage room. 

Before heading back out to the main area, she asked Beth to get Carol some food as she would be busy helping the stranger outside. 

The stranger did not resist much as Gloria patches her up and the group starts to prepare for their mission to rescue Maggie and Glenn, loading up their cars with weapons and other supplies just in case. As Gloria puts a box into the trunk of the car, she’s about to walk away to get more supplies when Daryl grabs her arm and gently pulls her to the side. 

“Ya should stay back here.” he tells her quietly. 

Gloria frowns at him, “how can you tell me to stay here, we have to go get Glenn and Maggie!”

“And we will, but I need ya here. Carl’s a kid an’ Carol’s still weak, I ain’ countin’ on Axel to keep everyone safe.” Daryl reasons.

Seeing his point, Gloria sighs and nods, “you better bring them back, Daryl Dixon.”

Daryl smirks at her then nods, “I will.” he takes her hand and holds it up to his lips, kissing it gently before turning to head to the car.

The ones left behind watch as their rescue team drives away. Axel is manning the gate, opening and closing it as the car passes. Carol puts her hand on Gloria’s shoulder, understanding her worry. 

“They’ll be fine, they’ll be back before we know it.” she says, trying to comfort her friend. 

Gloria smiles softly and nods, “yeah, they will be.”

---

Hershel, Beth, Carl, and Gloria were back in the cell block waiting for the others. Carol and Axel were on watch. Gloria had tried to convince Carol to come inside to rest but she was insistent on wanting to do something for the group after being gone for so long. She knew it was a losing battle to argue with Carol when she had already made up her mind, so Gloria agreed but forced Axel to stay out there to keep watch with her. Hours pass as Carl and Gloria are sitting on the steps when they all hear a scream coming from one of the halls of the prison.

“What was that?” Beth asks, worry on her face.

“Was that Carol?!” Carl wondered aloud.

“No, she’s still out on watch.” Gloria says as she gets up, she looks at Carl, “Carl, you stay here and watch over your sister, Beth and Hershel. And lock the gate!”

Without saying anything else, she runs off to check the corridors the scream had emitted from. Flashlight in hand, she goes through the dark halls, following the screams to find a group fighting for their lives in one of the abandoned rooms. Seeing they’re struggling with the walkers, Gloria rushes up to them and stabs one of the walkers in the back of the head, letting it fall to the ground. The new group look at her in surprise. 

“Come on, we gotta get out of here, move!” Gloria shouts at them and leads them back to the main area. 

Ushering them through the door to the main area, she closes and locks the door to that corridor to prevent any walkers from coming in. The new group was frantic, one of their people, a woman, was already bit and they had laid her on the ground. Carl comes running out from the cell block.

“What happened?!” he asks, surveying the scene. 

“Found them getting attacked in the boiler room.” Gloria tells him. 

The man kneeling by the side of the bit woman’s body was crying heavily, she had seemingly died from the bite. Seeing this, Carl takes out his gun with a silencer attached from his belt and aims it at the head of the woman.

“Woah woah, kid!” the larger man of the group pulls him back, looking at him as if he were crazy.

“I have to do it before she turns!” Carl argues.

“We can handle our own.” the large man says, making Carl back down.

Gloria takes Carl’s hand and pulls him away from the group as the larger man takes a hammer from a younger boy in the back. 

“You gotta let them take care of their own, she’s one of theirs, not ours.” Gloria whispers to him and he nods. 

She ushers him back into the cell block as the new group put down the woman with a hammer. Carl shuts the gate and locks it, preventing the new group from coming into their block. 

“Hey... hey! What are you doing? You can’t just leave us out here!” a woman from the new group calls out as she walks up to the gate. 

“You’re safe where you are, you have food and water.” Carl tells her, standing his ground.

“Open the door!” she yells at him, hitting the gate. 

Gloria lets out a frustrated sigh and goes up to the gate, “you’re safe there. We don’t even know you people and yet I still saved you. We aren’t going to let strangers into our home, we’ve lost enough already by trusting the wrong ones.”

The larger man from before comes up from behind the woman and pulls her away, “Sasha, enough, let them be.”

“You don’t know that you can’t trust us!” Sasha pleads. 

“You don’t know that you can trust us.” Gloria says then turns around to go up the stairs when she hears Sasha banging on the gate again.

“Let us in!” she shouts.

Gloria turns to glare at Sasha, “You listen here, we’re already doing you and your group a huge favor by letting you in these walls, giving you food and water, but you try anything, anything at all and I will lock you back where you came from with nothing, do I make myself clear?!”

The larger man pulls Sasha away again as they both waiver at her threat, “Yes, ma’am, we’re sorry.” 

---

“What the hell is he doing here?!” Glenn shouts, fuming once he sees that Merle is with Rick, Daryl, and Michonne, the stranger with the katana; he points his gun at Merle, heaving.

“Woah woah, Glenn, just calm down. We can figure this out.” Rick says holding his hands out to calm Glenn.

“Figure out- what is there to figure out?! We’re not bringing him back with us!” Glenn shouts, his face turning red. 

“The hell ya mean, he was originally one o’ us! Ya forgettin’ Gloria brought both o’ us back?” Daryl defends, Merle is his brother after all. 

“Oh yeah! Gloria, how’s she doin’? Still gotta repay her for stayin’ wit’ me up on that roof that ya’ll deadasses left me on!” Merle drawls out, cackling.

“You are not going anywhere near her!” Glenn angrily lunges towards Merle but Daryl catches him, holding him back. 

“Ha! Like ya can stop me! That girl deserves some lovin’, while the rest o’ ya’ll damn left me for dead! Ya deserve what I did to ya! Damn ass T-Dog deserved what he got too! Leavin’ me up there, and don’ let me forget about-” Merle was cut off as Rick knocks him out with the back of his gun.

“Asshole.” Rick mutters as he walks away from Merle’s unconscious body. 

Maggie, Rick, Glenn and Daryl are gathered by the car as they discuss what to do with Merle. Glenn is not giving up as he is very against taking him back after Merle had almost killed him. Daryl is torn but in the end, he makes his final decision. 

“If he’s out, I’m out.” Daryl announces, “‘sides it’s always been just him and I out there ‘fore all this.”

“Daryl, you know you’re a part of this family.” Rick tries to convince him.

“Yeah, but like ya said, he ain’t. And I ain’t leavin’ him, already did that once.” he says as he makes his way to the car with his things. 

Glenn sighs deeply then follows Daryl to the car, “what about Gloria?”

Daryl stops in his tracks at the mention of her name, “what about her...”

“You’re just gonna leave her behind? She loves you, you know that?” Glenn informs him, he wanted to prevent him from leaving, he knew that if Daryl left it would break Gloria’s heart.

Daryl glances behind him, “she said that?”

“She did, a while ago.” Glenn says, hoping that would change his mind. 

He glances at Merle then back at Glenn, “she’ll get it. Take good care o’ her,” he says then continues walking to the car. 

---

Back at the prison, Carol was on guard duty while the others were in the main area outside Cell Block C. Carl was sitting on top of one of the tables watching over Sasha’s group while Gloria was seated on the seats at one of the tables to control the situation if needed. The sound of the door opening draws their attention away from whatever they were doing and a beat up looking Glenn walks in. 

“Glenn?!” Gloria gets up quickly when she sees his face, rushing to him, “the hell happened?”

She follows him into the cell block and goes up to her cell to get her first aid kit then rushes back down to Glenn and Maggie’s shared cell. Gloria sits beside him as she patches up her brother, they don’t speak and Gloria decides not to pester him on it either. Maggie comes to the cell shortly after, watching by the door of the cell quietly. There’s a silence within the cell and Gloria glances between Maggie and Glenn. 

She packs up the kit and closes it, “I’ll leave you two to rest up, you’re probably exhausted.”

Gloria gets up from the bed and is about to walk out of the cell when Glenn reaches up and grabs her arm, stopping her. Confused, she looks back at him with an eyebrow raised. Glenn looks at her reluctantly and sighs.

“Daryl’s gone.” Glenn says simply.

She blinks at him, ‘gone’ in this new world of theirs can mean a lot of things, “what do you mean he’s gone? Is he... is he dead?”

Glenn shakes his head, “he’s alive, but he’s not coming back.” 

“He left with his brother.” Maggie tells her, feeling bad that they have to break the news to her.

“Merle? You guys found Merle?” Gloria looks at Glenn who nods, “well that’s great, why didn’t he just come back with you?”

“Because we didn’t want him to.” Maggie says, pursing her lips together.

“Merle used to be one of us, why wouldn’t you-” Gloria gets cut off by Glenn.

“Because he’s the one who did this to me!” Glenn snaps, “he’s the one who took us and brought Maggie to the damn Governor to terrorize her!” 

Glenn was seething in anger at the memory, he didn’t mean to snap at Gloria since she had no idea but he couldn’t help it; his little sister was defending their abductor and calling him one of them. Gloria’s face softens when she hears Glenn’s words, understanding why they wouldn’t want Merle with them. Tears well up in her eyes when the realization that Daryl left hit her. He left her without even saying goodbye. He chose Merle without a second thought and just left. 

“Gloria...” Glenn sighs as he sees her expression but she storms out of the cell before he can say anything else. 

She runs out of the cell block and out of the prison building altogether, making her way up the watch platform. Gloria lets herself fall to the ground, allowing the tears to fall as she cries about the man who left her without a single word.

---

Next Chapter

So, we got a cute moment between Daryl and Gloria before he left to go with Merle.. we all saw that coming though... right?? :D it gets better from here though, I swear!! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter~! I know it didn’t end on a good note, but please let me know what you thought! I’d love to hear it :D

I hope everyone stays safe and healthy, please don’t panic, we will get through this!

And as always, I would really appreciate any comments left for me! I’ll be replying to any comments in a new post because this is a sideblog!

Taglist (please let me know if you’d list to be added/removed!):

@twdeadfanfic​ | @fandomfanatic97​ | @crossbowking​ | @watchmeaspire​ | @spidergirla5​ | @kamieshep​ | @letsstarsfalling​ | @molethemollie​ | @alicewinchester99​ | @neilox​ | @womanup22​

[soundofseventeen]

13 Days of Christmas (Lee Seokmin) (Featuring Astro’s Cha Eunwoo)

Today has been surprisingly decent, so let’s hope it stays that way for awhile!!!

Word count: 1789

“Eunwoo, stop following me and get back on the floor,” you hissed at him.

“But you were swamped with people and I know how to work the register too,” he smiled innocently. “It’s not like I’m trying to change your mind-”

“No,” you said firmly. “I’ve already told you I’m not going on any more blind dates because of what happened last time.”

“I’m not asking you anymore. Promise. But if you do say yes, I’m just saying.”

“Eunwoo, stop it now...or get to the point before I clock out.”

“Okay, okay. So listen, tomorrow night we’re going Christmas caroling-”

“What’s so fun about going around the neighborhood singing those irritating songs?”

“We’re going to the hospital and celebrating with everyone who has to be there just so they can forget about it.”

“Who’s we?” you asked him skeptically.

“It’s me, a few of us from a group chat at school and anyone who wants to come. That’s why I’m inviting you.”

“For some reason, I still don’t believe you.”

“Okay, fine. Don’t come. Disappoint me,” he feigned sadness, holding up a stuffed animal that he found wedged between some shelves. “Have it your way.” He walked, trudged rather, away from you, holding the poor pup close him and crushing it, sighing loudly. 

“Fine Eunwoo, but you’re buying me dinner!”

“Great! I promise you Y/N, you won’t be disappointed!” He ran back to greet a customer who walked in while another came to check out with you.

*

“Hi, I’m Seokmin,” the bright eyed boy greeted you happily. “Are you here to help me sing the Christmas carols?”

“Yeah, I’m Y/N. I’m just waiting for Eunwoo. He said he was coming tonight.”

“Cha Eunwoo?”

“That’s him.”

“He’s not scheduled to come until Friday.” He looked confused for a moment. “He said he was coming with his group of friends. Tonight’s supposed to be just the duets.” Oh you were gonna kill him. The moment you saw him, it was over. “Really? He didn’t mention that.”

“ Oh. I mean, if you don’t wanna do it, I can do this by myself.”

If it wasn’t for that smile that you didn’t wanna get rid of, you would’ve readily agreed. “No, I’m already here. Show me all the songs you wanna get through tonight. I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? You look really caught off guard by this.”

“It’s okay. It was probably a misunderstanding.” Or his infamous ploy to go on a blind date.

His smile widened and maybe, just maybe, you were gonna thank Eunwoo for knowing your weakness...right after you beat him with a stuffed animal

“Okay, so I was thinking we start from here to-” he began flipping pages and pointing to the songs he liked, “-and then we finish here. Maybe we can do like a song or two per room and work our way down the hall. Is that okay with you?”

You nodded. “ And what if I don’t know the words to some of them?”

“Just leave that to me. Just sing a little lower when you know you’re gonna stop knowing them and I’ll take it from there and then you can jump back once you know them again. Also,” he held up two water bottles, “I have these just in case your mouth gets dry. But they also have vending machines on the floor we’re going to.” He patted the guitar with his free hand. “Now, follow me.”

And as it turned out, Seokmin turned out to be an excellent singer and for that reason alone, you let him sing a lot more by himself than you joining in, but that could’ve also been your nerves. A lot of the patients welcomed for melodious voice and even joined in whether it was “Jingle Bells” or “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. His elf hat gave him extra points, especially when the little bells jingled happily. The kids and other patients who could roam freely followed you two as far as they could, making as much noise as possible as they could to get noticed. Seokmin would just point at them and let them take the lead...which made you stop functioning a couple of times.

Truthfully, with all of the fun you were having wooing everyone, you’d forgotten about Eunwoo, though you knew it’d be awhile until he got off the hook. Seokmin was a regular Santa Claus with all the joy and color he brought in those rooms. He only annoyed a handful of kids who would’ve rather been asleep and made a couple of newborn babies cry with the loudness, both of which he’d turn the color of your Santa hat and apologize for causing a disturbance. He finally called it quits after about two hours and led you to the hospital cafeteria to soothe your sore throat and get some food in your tummy. (He may have heard it growl a couple of times.)

However, instead of bringing you actual food, he surprised you with fruitcake and hot cocoa, both of which you couldn’t deny. He sat across from you and took a couple bites until he was satisfied. “Are you sure you’ve never done that?”

“Today was my first and only time doing it,” you admitted. “I don’t really have time for all of this. I’m usually either working or studying and hanging out with my friends so we can study. It was really fun. Do you do this often?”

“I try to.” He took off his hat and you did the same. “Mostly around this time. When I was younger, I broke my foot around this time of year, and it was so boring...and sad. There weren’t any drawings anywhere and no one talked about Santa Claus and a lot of the nurses didn’t even try to make it fun for us. They just gave us medicine and told us to sleep. I remember crying because I wanted to be home. I think I even spent Christmas at the hospital and that wasn’t fun, so I try to help out. I mean, you saw the kids and how happy they were, right?”

“It was very magical,” you agreed. “And the people here love you.”

“Right now they do. But when I drop in randomly, sometimes I think I annoy the nurses...well, the ones who don’t do their jobs and make kids smile.” He waved at someone and when you turned around you recognized him as one of the patients there as he ran to your table. “Hi buddy, did you enjoy the little concert?”

“Yeah! You guys were awesome! Thank you for making tonight fun for me. I have to go to surgery tomorrow and I was afraid but you helped me a lot.” Then he turned to you. “Thank you too. I’ve never seen you around but you made me happy.”

You were at a loss for words at the compliment, so you could only smile, trying not to blush right now in front of a cute guy you just met. “Hey Seokmin?”

“Yes Y/N?” He glanced up at you and blinked a few times and the little thing made you laugh. He high fived another patient who blew him a kiss and then ran away.

“This is really embarrassing to ask, but did Eunwoo tell you I was coming beforehand?”

He nodded. “He said you were really nice and really patient and that you work a lot so he wanted to make tonight fun for you.”

“And you agreed?”

“Well, he begged me to meet you and give you a chance-”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“Please don’t kill any of my friends. I need as many as possible...just in case one of them gets tired of me.”

“He has been trying to get me to go on blind dates for the past month, and I finally said no. And then he pulls this.”

“Are you not having fun?” The sad look is there and he resembled a kicked puppy and you hated yourself for it.

“No, I am, but he’s very persistent. He’s really sweet, but I just think he wants to do double dates.” Or try to convince you about getting over your supposed crush on him.

“Wait, so are you the Y/N he’s been trying to set me up with?” He pulled two candy canes out of his pocket and handed you one. “Don’t tell the kids I had these leftover ones.” He blew on the hot chocolate and stirred it with the candy cane.

“It could be possible,” you admitted. “Wait, he’s been trying to set us up?” Had you been eating the fruitcake, you surely would’ve been choking on it by now.

“He’s mentioned you from time to time and I was really curious too, plus you kept turning the offers down.” He slipped his drink slowly. “But now that you’ve met me, the choice is up to you. Personally, I had a fun time with you, and if you’d like once the holidays are over, we can catch a movie or have dinner.”

*

“Ta-da,” you showed one of the customers the presents you managed to wrap for them despite the chaos of holiday shopping. The mom looked pleased despite the irritation from the loudness and thank you before dragging her kid off away to continue their shopping. “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

The downside of working in a crowded place was how hot you got easily, but right now taking off the Christmas sweater your manager convinced to wear wasn’t an option. You did take the Santa hat off though to get some air.

“There’s my favorite person,” Eunwoo said handing you a coffee as he clocked in. “So how’d it go?”

You ignored him, a smile spreading on your face to let him know you’d talk to him when you felt like it. He held back on his vital information, so why shouldn’t you? You let the remainder of your shift pass like that, only acknowledging him when it was work related. You could see the frown apparent on his face and you loved it. “Eunwoo, tell everyone I’m going on lunch! I’m hungry.”

“Are you really gonna not talk to me?” he whined. “DK said said he had a good time with you, but if you didn’t, I can just tell him you’re not interested.”

“Hey, Y/N,” you heard Seokmin yell at you from the entrance. He held up a fast food bag for you to see. “Are you coming? I’m starving!”

You turned to Eunwoo smugly. “Who said I wasn’t interested?” You waved at him. “We’re going around town looking at the lights later on.”

[ana-deaky]

Ever After:  Chapter 1. These Are The Days Of Our Lives

Author’s Note: Hey guys! I am a sucker for Jimercury like many of you and one fine day, after reading Jim’s “Mercury & Me”, the idea for this fic came running to me. So this fic was initially written on Wattpad like months ago and I was working on the final chapter of this fiction when I thought I should share this fic to Tumblr. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Summary: Jim and Freddie after they’ve won the battle against AIDS. And some heartwarming stuff. 

***********************

Like any other Saturday nights, Freddie and Jim were cuddling up in the couch in the great house, Garden Lodge. The night was quiet except for the television that was playing one of Freddie's favorite films. It was a romantic one.

They were talking about how much have changed since the time they started dating. Freddie and Jim had made their relationship public since 1991. Freddie and Jim had been cured of AIDS, thanks to the advancement of medical science. Freddie had co-founded a foundation for AIDS awareness, conducted a concert to raise AIDS awareness and funding for the global battle against HIV/AIDS called The Phoenix Trust, along with Brian, Roger and Jim Beach after his close call with AIDS.

The world has been kind to them after their long struggle. They needed everything they have ever wanted. Two family homes in England and Ireland, their fur babies and so on. It has been a good year for the band too. Family, relationships and career was going well for the boys. Brian was dating actress, Anita Dobson, who has become very close friends with the Mercury-Hutton household. Roger welcomed his fourth child just last year, Tiger Lilly Taylor with Debbie and John was having the time of his life with his wife Veronica and his six children.

The band was in the preparations of releasing their album called, "Made in Heaven", which was yet to be released later this year.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *    

The clock struck midnight

"Happy Anniversary to us, my dear", said Freddie to Jim kissing Jim on his cheek.

"Aw! Happy Anniversary, my love", replied Jim with a kiss to Freddie's cheek, "10 years! What would I have done with you?"

"You'd have been waiting for me, darling", said Freddie

"I need to tell you about something, Freddie", said Jim.

"What is it, darling?", asked Freddie facing Jim.

"I have been thinking all our friends are moving forward family-wise and we're not getting any younger, are we?", said Jim.

"What are you getting at?", asked Freddie cutting out Jim mid-conversation

"I'm saying since we already went public on our relationship and everything. I think it's time for us to have an addition to our family.", said Jim, "And I don't mean adopting another kitty", as Freddie opened his mouth to say something.

"Alright. I can't say I haven't thought about us raising a child together. But yes, I think it's time we became parents too.", said Freddie smiling and hugged Jim.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Later that evening, the couple enjoyed a romantic dinner date at their favorite restaurant. They have planned to go with adoption even though they had an option of surrogacy which was gaining popularity around the time.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

The legal procedures were hectic since the parents were both of the same sex. But eventually, the papers went through and the couple were in the list finally.

Two months later, during lunch, the phone started ringing. Phoebe ran to attend the call

"Freddie, Jim, you guys have a call from the adoption center", Phoebe said jumping up and down. Freddie and Jim held hands and looked at each other. They immediately rushed to the room where the phone was and put it on speaker.

"Hello", said Freddie

"Am I speaking to Mr. Freddie Mercury and Jim Hutton?"

"Yes", they said in unison.

"My name is Leslie Morgan and I'm calling from the adoption centre. And I'd like to inform you that a parent has selected you guys to be the parents. I'd like you you both to come down here on Friday around 4 p.m. That is okay, yes?", said the officer.

"Yes yes, thank you very much, Leslie.", said Jim

"I'll see you on Friday. Good day", said the officer cutting the call.

Jim and Freddie were beyond excited to hear the news. But they decided not to share it to the people outside the household already. Hence, they celebrated in silence within the household.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Friday came faster than expected. And the interview went smoothly even though the birth mother was starstruck seeing Freddie. She was a such a sweet kid, she was only 18 and her name was Kate and she is due in November and she was expecting twins. Freddie and Jim even invited her to stay with them so that they could provide for Kate, but she politely refused.

Everything turned out so well. Freddie was beyond happy and had already started shopping for the kids even though there was 2 more months till the due date.

Jim decided to build a changing table for the babies in this period. Freddie was all over the place decorating the baby's rooms, buying all kinds of toys and newborn clothes for the babies.

They maintained regular contact with Kate and even invited her over for lunch or tea a few times. Freddie made sure she had everything she needed. She was invited for Freddie's birthday dinner party.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

It was November 24th, when Freddie and Jim were having breakfast with Phoebe and Joe in the kitchen discussing about the newly released album when the house phone ring. Around this time, Freddie and Jim made sure that one of them stayed home so that they wouldn't miss the call and every phone bell they hear tensed them up for the same reason. This time it was from the hospital notifying that the babies would be here very soon.

Freddie and Jim were beaming with happiness. They held hands and looked at each other and Jim said, "This is it. We'll be coming back home with our children". They immediately rushed into the car. Mary has also joined the couple. The hospital was 2 hours away from Garden Lodge

Jim and Freddie went to see Kate and then saw the doctor who told them that the twins would be along soon enough. Freddie almost had a panic attack pacing along the hallway. Jim held his hands at all times even though he was tensed inside.

A few hours later,

"Congratulations to you two.", said the doctor emerging from the labor room.

Freddie and Jim literally jumped from their seats seeing the doctor.

"Thank God", Freddie said, "When can we see our children?"

"You can come in now", said the doctor

As Freddie and Jim entered the room, they saw the nurse laying down a baby wearing a pink hospital hat in a crib. Jim noticed that the other baby also wore a pink hat.

"Can I?", asked Jim to the nurse laying down the baby.

"Sure, she's all yours", the nurse said carefully placing the baby in Jim's hands and correcting his hold. Jim's eyes welled up as soon as he held the crying baby and said, "Hey baby girl", he said rocking her, and his eyes filled with happy tears while Freddie leapt over Jim's shoulder to look at the baby who was now looking alternately at her dads.

"You wanna hold her, Freddie?", Jim asked. Freddie nodded and Jim handed over the baby to Freddie and told him to support her neck. "Oh they're perfect", said Freddie.  All this while, Mary was attending to the other baby and that's where Jim walked to. Mary handed over the baby to Jim. He waked over to Kate to check on her.

The couple spent almost an hour holding the babies. The doctors came to take away Kate to her room and announced that the couple could take the babies home as soon as they filled out the forms for the birth certificates

Surprisingly, the twins had different hair color. The older baby had blondish hair, the boys decided to name her Lyla Hutton-Bulsara. The younger one had a black hair and they decided to name her Kathleen Hutton-Bulsara after their mother.

[camillemontespan]

a kingdom divided [final chapter: now and forever, i’m your king]

A/N: I want to point attention to one of my old one shots which focuses on when Drake becomes a dad for the first time; in my head, he has a big deep chat with his newborn baby girl, working out his thoughts. I didn’t copy the one shot here because some parts of it don’t fit with a kingdom divided but the scene where Drake talks to Lily is my head canon, so if you fancy reading it for a big bowl of fluff, here you go:

Friday, 5th September, 5am 

Now, onto the final chapter of A Kingdom Divided! Thank you so much to those who commented and reblogged and sent me private messages asking about the plot, spoilers etc.  It’s been awesome having you all reading! I’ve enjoyed writing this but it’s time to finish it. Hope you guys enjoy. 

@jovialyouthmusic @pug-bitch @sirbeepsalot @moonlightgem7 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @dcbbw @notoriouscs @be-still-my-aching-heart @carabeth @iplaydrake

*****************************************************************************************

'Good morning Cordonians! I am Natalia Patrovsky, it is 7am and what a beautiful day we have in store! Today's top headline: has King Liam managed to restore peace and order to his kingdom after his televised speech? Keep watching the programme for live updates and expert analysis.'

                          *************************************************

Liam sat on his throne and surveyed the Grand Hall where he had called his remaining courtiers.

Remaining.

The few courtiers who hadn't taken part in the uprisings were relieved that it seemed peace was on the way.

40 of the courtiers who had rebelled had decided that they would stay in Cordonia and donate 500,000 euro to orphanages, hospitals, animal shelters as per the Kings conditions - they had slowly come to realise that violence was not the answer. They wanted to help move Cordonia forward into a calm and peaceful future and make amends.

20 courtiers and 10 servants who had rose up against the King couldn't stomach being ruled over by him. They had left in the night, away to France, America, other countries that did not have a monarchy. They strode out with purpose, condemning Cordonia for being weak.

Now, Liam looked out over his smaller court but he didn't feel guilty. This was a fresh start. A clean slate. The palace was quieter but all the better for it.

Liam was aware that his allies, bar one, were gone. Drake, Camille, Hana and Maxwell were still in Texas. Olivia hadn’t turned up to the Grand Hall.  Leo was in Cuba. The only ally Liam could see was Bertrand, who stood front and centre of the courtiers. He was wearing a silk red kimono with gold embroidery, a silk navy shirt, black trousers and loafers with gold tassels. He looked casual and extravagant at the same time, with not a sweater vest in sight. He looked at Liam and gave him a wink.

Encouraged by his friend, Liam stood up and cleared his throat. 'My court,’ he began. 'It’s been a long road, a difficult time. But we have survived it. Look around you. This court may have diminished in size but it has increased in loyalty, kindness and goodness. Let us work together to make Cordonia a peaceful and better place for everyone. I want us to be a proud nation again. I want us to be as one.  No more division. I will fight until the end, so raise up and help me make Cordonia the jewel she is meant to be. For Cordonia! '

'For Cordonia!' everyone chorused and Liam felt relief. Relief and hopefulness. He needed to have hope that Cordonia would thrive and that he was the person to lead them. He watched as everyone repeated 'For Cordonia!' and he hoped that their choruses would spread across the country, echoing around the world.

 ****************************************************************************************

Liam sat in his study with his door open. He had decided that from now on, he would have an open door policy. Now, anyone who passed his study would see him at his desk and know that they were welcome to talk to him.

'Your Majesty?'

Liam looked up to see Bertrand. 'Bertrand! Come in!'

Bertrand smiled and entered. He cleared his throat. Liam gestured for him to sit down opposite him. 'What can I do for you?' he asked.

'I'm here to ask if I can donate 500,000 euro to the orphanages,' Bertrand said.

Liam frowned. 'But you didn't betray me?'

'I know, Liam. But I've learned. I made mistakes too. I would often use my title as a way to gain material things. I would shout my name for all to hear. It never occurred to me how it appeared to the people of Cordonia.  I'm the worst type of noble. So, I want to make amends. I may not have rebelled against you but I was poisoned - clearly, I rubbed people up the wrong way. So, here is my cheque for you to deposit. Consider this my fresh start.'

'Fresh start? Does that explain why you're suddenly wearing your kimonos in public?'

Bertrand chuckled. 'Don't I just look fabulous?'

******************************************************************************************

Leo was sat nursing a glass of rum. The bar was empty except for the bartender who was drying glasses and the smell of cigars punctuated the air. Leo had been in Havana for a few days, staying in a rundown apartment on Calle Linea. This bar was next door to his address and it had become his second home. He actually quite liked it; it had a bohemian vibe to it with rustic orange walls, potted palm trees, distressed leather chairs and chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. He had gotten to know the bartender, Diego, extremely well. Diego probably hated Leo, as all Leo did was drink and pine for the beautiful redhead he had lost. Right now, he wasn’t exactly the most fun to be around. 

He signalled to Diego that he wanted another top up.  Diego rolled his eyes and poured him another rum then placed the bottle beside Leo. He had a feeling Leo would be drinking more. 

Leo rubbed his eyes and saw his reflection in the glass on the bar. He looked like shit. He clearly needed a shower and to eat something. He had only really been existing on rum and cigars since he had arrived. 

He ran his finger along the rim of his glass and tried to block out thoughts of Olivia, and as usual, he failed. Olivia was all he thought about. Leo hadn’t heard from her since he had left Cordonia and he had no idea if she had read his letter. If she had, she had probably burned it. 

Leo took another swig of rum and closed his eyes, focusing on the burn in his throat. 

‘Hey trouble.’

Leo choked on the rum and whipped around. Leaning on the bar to his left was the one person he never expected to see but the one he wanted most in the world.

Olivia.

Diego looked between the two of them and quietly slipped out to the backroom. Thank God the weepy blonde man finally had some female attention. 

Leo stared at Olivia. He wanted to reach out and touch her, just to check that she was real. She casually went behind the bar and brought out a glass, before pouring a measure of Leo’s rum into it. Leo stared at her as she did this. He had to be hallucinating. He had to be.

‘Are you really here?’ his voice croaked. 

Olivia took her glass and went back to Leo’s side of the bar. She sat up on the bar stool and placed her hand on his cheek. ‘I’m really here.’ 

‘Wh.. why are you here?’

Olivia took a gulp of rum. ‘I read your letter.’ 

Leo paled. Oh god. Now that he knew she had read it, he wished he hadn’t been so honest. So pathetic. He had been sickening. 

‘I loved it,’ Olivia whispered. ‘It’s the best thing anyone has ever given me.’

There was a loaded silence. Leo bit his lip, unsure what to say. Luckily, she continued.  ‘I’m sorry I was so harsh with you. I shouldn’t have been a bitch but I got scared. I just hate to feel vulnerable, you know? I’m so vulnerable with you and it terrified me. I felt weak. I was brought up to believe that having feelings was a sign of weakness; how fucked up is that? I pushed you away to save myself because I thought you would hurt me but after I read your letter, I realised how stupid I had been. I was pathetic.’

Leo clenched the edge of the bar top. ‘You were never pathetic. I understood your reasons. Come on, I’ve hurt every woman I’ve been with. You were right to be wary-’

‘But I was wrong to assume you would do the same to me,’ Olivia interrupted, her voice fierce.  ‘You wrote that you would never break my heart, that you would protect it.  I believe you now. I just hope you can forgive me for pushing you away.’

Leo stared at her, his eyes wide. ‘Olivia, I was never angry with you. There’s nothing to forgive.’

Olivia blinked back tears and her gaze met his. ‘Can we.. go back to how it was?’

Leo frowned. ‘As in, before I told you I loved you? Wouldn’t blame you, I was pathetic.’

‘No!’ Olivia grabbed his hand now. ‘No. I want you to love me.’ 

‘You do?’

‘Yes. Because I love you too, Leo. I love you.’

Leo stared at her a for a long moment then took a deep sip of his drink. He placed the glass on the bar and studied her. ‘If we’re going to do this, maybe we should have some rules in place-’

‘Fuck the rules,’ Olivia breathed and before Leo could work out what was happening, she had grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and pulled him into her, their mouths crashing together. All Leo could taste was rum and Olivia and he wanted to drown in it forever.                   

******************************************************************************************

They crashed into the apartment. Leo’s hands were tangled in Olivia’s red hair and he could smell the scent of vanilla on her skin. He wanted to inhale her. Still kissing her hungrily, he slammed the door behind them and the two of them pulled at each others clothes, not once leaving each others lips. 

Leo pulled her red top off her and cast it aside. It hit a lampshade, which caused the lamp to fall to the ground with a smash, but he honestly didn’t care. 

He felt Olivia’s fingers tugging at the buttons of his shirt, before she murmured, ‘fuck it,’ against his mouth and ripped the buttons free. Her hands roamed down his chest, down his abs and ran along the waistband of his jeans. ‘Olivia..’ he groaned. 

They continued kissing, their tongues twisting, and Leo managed to guide them both into the bedroom. His hands wrapped around her and he picked her up, grinning when she wrapped her legs around his waist. Leo pushed her up against the wall and kissed down her cleavage, his hand unclasping her bra. He loved how pale and poreless her skin was; she was like alabaster stone against his gold. 

Olivia threw her head back when she felt Leo’s fingers explore up her thighs. His touch was like fire against her skin. He gently pulled aside her thong and she let out a gasp when his fingers found her. ‘You’re so wet,’ he muttered in her ear. Olivia reached down and pushed his fingers into her deeper in response. 

They kissed deeper. Leo needed her. He needed to have her right now. His jeans were incredibly tight and he wanted to feel her around him. 

Leo carried her to the bed and threw her down. She landed gently and he watched as she eagerly took off her skirt and underwear. He stood and studied her. She looked beautiful; the sun was casting a glow on her skin and her red hair shone against the pillows. 

‘Fuck me, Leo,’ she said. Leo quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans. Olivia smirked when she saw his erection. He slowly crawled over to her, suspending his body over hers. Olivia reached out to run her hands down his arms, corded with muscle. She loved his arms. Leo gently leaned down to kiss the crook of her neck. 

The atmosphere had changed now. What had been desperate, primal  and all consuming had turned into something gentle and slow. Leo was taking his time now. He wanted to savour this. 

‘I love you,’ he whispered. His breath made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and she closed her eyes as Leo kissed his way down her body. Every kiss burned; she felt like she was on fire. Her made her into fire. 

Their mouths met again and Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling down. She let out a gasp when she felt his length against her. She remembered how big he was. 

Her ice blue eyes met his forest green ones and she told him, not caring how it sounded, now caring how vulnerable she now was, that she loved him. Leo smiled softly and Olivia braced herself for impact. 

She had no idea what she was letting herself in for with Leo. This was all new to her. But she wanted to be brave and bold. As he moved against her, his arms wrapped around her, holding her body close, Olivia wanted to be brave and bold for Leo. 

*****************************************************************************************

Hana and Maxwell dragged their suitcases downstairs. Well, Hana dragged hers. Drake was helping Maxwell as he had packed a ton and could barely lift it.  Drake lifted it like it weighed nothing. 

Bianca stood at the bottom of the stairs bearing gifts. Maxwell beamed when she handed him a tupperware full of homemade brownies. ‘My speciality,’ Bianca said. ‘It’s been so good having you both here with Drake and Camille. I’ve loved meeting you!’

Hana gave her a hug. ‘Thank you for your hospitality, Bianca. It’s been amazing. Um.. sorry about the utensil business.’ 

Maxwell blushed and looked down at the floor. Bianca laughed. ‘That reminds me.. wait a second!’

She bustled through to the kitchen then came back. 

‘Here you go!’

Drake paled and Camille placed her head on his chest, hiding her sniggering.  Hana and Maxwell looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them up. 

Hana gingerly took the rolling pin. 

‘Um.. is this so we can make your speciality brownies?’ she asked, dread filling her voice.

‘If that’s what you kids are calling it these days!’ Bianca said, grinning. 

‘I figured the ladle you both used as a whip was a little.. weak. Now you can enjoy this a little more,’ Bianca said casually. ‘I used a rolling pin with Bastien, ohh boy. It’s got more of a bang.  You’re welcome.’

Drake looked like he was going to be sick.

Hana reddened. ‘Um, thank you, Bi..’ she whispered, opening her bag to take the rolling pin. Bianca let out a laugh and grabbed the rolling pin from her. 

‘Oh god, I was only kidding! I went out to Walmart and bought this for a joke.. Oh honey, I’m sorry!’

'I'm never using a utensil from this house ever again,' Drake muttered.

Bianca wrapped Hana and Maxwell into a tight cuddle. ‘Sorry my loves.’

Hana smiled now. ‘I’ll miss Texas.’

‘We’ll miss you too,’ Camille replied. 

‘When are you both coming back? Are you both coming back?’ Maxwell asked. He looked scared now; thinking about life in Cordonia without them suddenly had him nervous. Drake and Camille were the only two who made life at court feel normal. 

Camille looked up at Drake, who smiled softly down at her. ‘I think we’ll be coming back,’ Camille confirmed. Maxwell raised his fist in the air.  ‘Yes! Everything is restored!’ 

Hana grabbed Camille into a hug then threw her arms around Drake. ‘Ahhh! Next time we see you guys, you’ll both have a baby! Oh my God! Isn’t that so cool?’

‘That’s one word for it,’ Drake chuckled. 

‘Try terrifying,’ Camille said and Drake wrapped his arm around her.  ‘You’ll be a great mom, Camille.’ 

‘Hopefully,’ Camille said quietly. ‘Baby steps.’ 

*******************************************************************************************

Leo woke up tangled in the sheets. Sitting up, he blinked his sleepy eyes and looked down at the space beside him.

His heart leapt. 

Olivia wasn’t there.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

He pulled the sheets off him and flung on his jeans and shirt, which were in a pile on the floor. The bedroom was empty. He rushed out to the hallway and turned into the living room. 

Nothing. She wasn’t there.

‘You fucking idiot..’ he whispered to himself. ‘You’ve scared her off.’ 

He focused and then stopped. The balcony doors were open, the white curtains blowing in the breeze. Slowly, Leo moved towards the balcony. 

He let out a breath. 

Olivia was sat out on the balcony, her legs up against the balcony railing. She wore one of his shirts which was oversized on her body and she wore black cat eye sunglasses. A cigar was placed in between her fingers. 

‘Hey, you,’ she greeted him. Leo smiled, relieved. She wasn’t gone. She was still here. 

‘Where did you get the cigar?’ he asked.

‘Your stash,’ she said casually. ‘Hope you don’t mind. I took one anyway.’

‘No worries, help yourself.’ 

She looked at him and pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head so he could see her eyes. She smiled at him. 

Leo sat down on the chair opposite her and pulled it in further so he was sitting closer to her. He slowly leaned forward and kissed her. She didn’t push him away; she leaned into the kiss and wrapped her hands around his neck. 

‘I’m never going to get bored of doing that,’ he told her once they broke away. Olivia blushed. Leo grinned. He had never seen her blush before.  This was new.

Olivia now looked at him, biting her lip. 'Leo, can I ask you something?'

'Sure. What's up?'

'We had all these rules but you never told me what rule six was. My fault, I distracted you. You mentioned it in your letter to me that we will always have rule six. So what is it?'

Leo smiled bashfully. 'Aw Liv, it's not important..'

'Tell me.'

'Well, Rule Two and Rule Three were about not falling for each other. Rule Six was about in case we did. Rule Six: if we feel ourselves going there, you know, falling for each other, we are honest.'

'How did you know that would happen?' Olivia asked softly.

'To be honest, the rule was more for me,' Leo admitted. 'I just had a feeling you would be different to all the other women. I was right. I will always be right about you. I know us, we don't talk about feelings or are truly honest. Now, we have to be honest with each other. We need to be.  No more walls. That's why we will always have Rule Six.'

*******************************************************************************************

‘In the studio with us we have our royal correspondent Katie Summers. Katie, tell us your thoughts about the King and the peace he is wanting for the kingdom. Do you think he has succeeded?’

A perky brunette newsreader arranged her paperwork. ‘I do, Natalia. He has dispensed justice, which is always going to be difficult, and now he wants to move forward. Bear in mind, that he is the late Constantine’s son. Constantine was known for being harsh and Liam has made no secret of the fact that he does not want to be like his father. So, this is his chance to create a new Cordonia.’

‘What do you think his reign will be like?’

‘All Kings have to focus on their legacy and how they want to be remembered. Think back to how the rebels used the L'affaire des poisons from French History as inspiration; they wanted to poison the King and so they used this as a starting point.  What Louis XIV did to his enemies, the ones in his court who were using poison and magic against him, was cruel. He locked many of them up and they were never seen again.  They disappeared forever. The Cordonian rebels could easily have had the same punishment, which I believe they wanted. They wanted to prove that King Liam could be like King Louis. But instead of locking them up- as far as I know, Liam has only imprisoned two people- he gave them the choice. The choice to either donate their money to various causes and improve Cordonia, or leave.’ 

‘Do you agree that this was the right way forward?’

‘I do.  King Liam is trying to carve his own path and be a new, modern, fair monarch. He doesn’t want to be a tyrant like his father or Louis XIV. He wants to be his own person and I think it is fair to say that he is on the way to becoming that.’

****************************************************************************************

                                         Two months later

Drake helped Camille out of the car. ‘You okay, honey?’ he asked. Camille nodded and looked around.

The Manor looked the same except Camille knew their servants hadn't come back yet. She didn't want them to yet anyway - she wanted to enjoy their first few days back in Valtoria just the three of them.

Drake opened the car door and gently took out the baby carrier. ‘Hey there, sleepyhead!’ he cooed, looking down at his baby daughter. 

Lily was the exact miniature of Camille with the same big, brown eyes and caramel skin. Her downy hair was dark. The one thing she shared with her father was the Walker smirk. Drake had discovered it one day when Lily had had a.. toilet accident. The baby looked like she was so pleased with herself as she watched Drake try his best to clean her up. 

She was wearing the yellow babygrow with the marshmallow embroidered on the pocket, the babygrow Camille had given to Drake when she surprised him with the pregnancy news. Lily was only two weeks old and Drake and Camille were terrified that they would break her; she looked like a little doll with her tiny fingernails and tiny starfish hands.

They opened the Manor door and placed the baby carrier down on the floor. Camille bent down to take Lily out of it and held her close, supporting her head. 'Let's give you a tour, sweetie,' she whispered. Drake took Camille's free hand and the new parents wandered through the Manor until they reached the nursery.

The crib that the Valtorian citizens had built and painted for the baby stood pride of place under the stained glass window. The room had the sunshine rolling in, the floor cast in colours of pink, gold and blue from the stained glass window.

'Look honey, this is your room!' Camille told her daughter. With Lily in her arms, she twirled around and the baby girl looked around. Her big brown eyes caught the stained glass window and she reached out a hand to it. Camille smiled and moved slowly towards the window so Lily could get a closer look. Lily touched the window, transfixed.

Drake leaned against the wall and watched as his two girls touched the window. They were bathed in colour, the pink and gold shining off their skin. Lily gurgled, still touching the stained glass and Camille kissed her forehead before catching Drake's eyes.

Drake looked so happy.

******************************************************************************************

‘Right, let’s go introduce Lily to everyone!’ Drake said excitedly. He began to carry Lily in her baby carrier towards the palace but stopped when he saw that Camille wasn’t with him. He turned, confused, to see her still standing at the car.

‘You okay?’ he asked.

Camille shook her head. Drake wandered back to her. ‘What’s up?’

Camille’s eyes flashed to the palace. Drake saw her nervous expression and sighed. Slowly, he brought her in for a hug. ‘Camille, it’s different now. I promise.’

‘I know..’ Camille replied shakily. ‘It’s just.. the last time you were here, you nearly died. I’m just nervous, that’s all.’

‘Babe, I promise, there’s peace here now. No more riots. Liam’s been keeping us updated the whole time and hey, you get to see Hana and Maxwell!’

Camille smiled weakly. ‘I kinda need Olivia right now. At least she always carries a dagger.’

‘Sadly, she and Leo are travelling around the world. God knows how that’s going, I imagine she’s refusing to climb down hills, while Leo is practically having to drag her down them.’

Camille giggled now at the thought and Drake felt relief. He always wanted to keep her happy and safe. He didn’t want her worrying ever again. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her towards the palace. Lily curled up in her baby carrier and gave a little yawn. 

*******************************************************************************************

'Oh my God, she is gorgeous!' Hana squealed, jumping up and down when she was presented with the baby. 'Camille, she is your double! Ooh I just want to squish her little cheeks!'

Maxwell rushed over. 'Ohh she's so tiny..' he breathed. He gently brushed his finger against her forehead. 'Congrats guys!'

Bertrand swept up in a cloud of blue kimono. 'Let's see mini Camille then!' he said, smiling widely. Camille gently passed Lily over to Bertrand. Bertrand stared down at the baby girl, cradling her gently, supporting her head. 'She's beautiful,' he whispered. Lily snuggled into his arms. Bertrand blinked back tears. 'Camille. Drake. You two have grown up a lot,' he chuckled, shaking his head.

Camille squeezed Drake's hand. 'We wanted to ask if you would be Lily's godfather,' she said to Bertrand. 'I mean, you were the one who taught me how to be noble. You're a great teacher and also one of my favourite people. I can't think of anyone better to show Lily the ropes when she's older.'

Bertrand shot her a wobbly smile. 'I actually think the student has become the master,' he replied. 'But I would be honoured. Thank you Camille. Thank you Drake.'

Drake patted him on the back. Bertrand wiped his eyes and looked down at Lily who was smirking at him. 'Oh.. she has Drake's smirk. That's.. alarming.'

Drake's eyes bulged. 'Oh god, Bertrand, hand her over! She's like a grenade! She'll explode at any moment!'

****************************************************************************************

Once Lily was cleaned up and changed into a fresh babygrow, Drake and Camille shamefully brought her back into the Throne Room. They stopped when they saw Olivia and Leo.

'Aren't you supposed to be travelling?!' Camille shrieked. Olivia rolled her eyes. 'You mean our daily expedition of torture? We are, but we heard from Liam that you were going to visit with Lily, so we thought we would make a pitstop here.'

Leo leaned over to look down at Lily who was nestled in Camille’s arms.

'Well, hello you,' he said, his mouth quirking up into a lazy smile.

'I'm so glad she looks like you, Camille,' Olivia said bluntly. 'So glad.'

Drake stared at her. 'You know I'm the father right? I can hear you.'

Olivia shrugged and Drake groaned, sloping off to find Liam. Camille looked at Olivia and Leo. They both looked happy. Sickeningly happy as Olivia would dryly say.

'Where are you guys travelling to next?' she asked.

'Bali. I figured this one could use a few days on a private beach and cocktails,' Leo said, looking pointedly at Olivia.

'You figured right,' Olivia muttered. 'I fucking detest camping.'

'Remind me how you guys work as a couple?' Camille joked. Olivia looked at Leo and ran her hand down his chest, daringly close to his belt. Camille gagged. 

‘Camille!’

She looked up to see Liam and Drake coming into the room. Liam was smiling, his eyes warm and he had his arms out, ready to give her a cuddle. ‘You look amazing!’ Liam cried. He squeezed her shoulder then looked at Lily. 

‘Can I hold her?’

Camille passed him the baby gently. Liam cupped the baby’s head and held her close. ‘Hey Lily..’

He looked over at Drake, a grin on his face. ‘I can’t believe you have one of these.’ 

Maxwell passed them eating a macaroon. He overheard Liam’s comment and piped up, spraying French delicacy everywhere.  ‘Liam, I still am one of these!’ 

Hana passed Maxwell a napkin to wipe his mouth. He beamed at her and pulled her in for a macaroon flavour kiss. 

Liam passed Lily over to Drake who scooped her up and kissed the top of her head. He looked good with her. Like he was meant to be a father. It was a lovely thing to see his friend now have his own place in the world, here with his wife and baby. Liam understood now when he watched Drake and Camille kiss each other softly before Camille ran her hand through Lily’s hair. 

Liam understood that Drake’s priorities were clear and defined; he had told Liam numerous times that his family were the most important thing to him. Liam couldn’t believe that when the rebellion had started, he had tried to force Drake to put the kingdom first. That had been wrong; the kingdom was Liam’s responsibility, nobody else’s.

*******************************************************************************************

When the others had left, Liam went out onto his bedroom’s balcony and looked out over Cordonia. Usually, Liam would spend all of his time in his study to go through his diary and write up the day’s work. But he didn’t want to be in his study right now. He wanted to look out into the night sky and think out in the open.

The palace stood on the top of the hill and down below, Liam could see the lamps of the Old Town lighting their way down to the harbour. This was his home; not just the palace, but Cordonia.

Poisoning. Mobs. Uprisings. He had watched Cordonia tear itself apart, beginning from the people and spreading into the palace like wildfire. Liam had watched as allies turned into foes. His friends had been in danger; Bertrand had been poisoned but thankfully lived. Penelope had been poisoned. Kiara had been killed. Olivia had been stabbed but she proved that nobody could take down a Nevrakis.  A servant girl had been shot. Drake had to escape the palace during the uprising, uncertain if he would ever see his pregnant wife again.  Danger had been their lives for months; peace had seemed to have abandoned them when they needed it most.

Liam could see now that he had struggled to begin with. He had been caught between wanting to be a powerful king, one who wasn't dictated to by his people, rejecting their pleas for a committee or even just representation. He hadn't wanted to be the final nail in the coffin of the monarchy. But on the other side of the coin, he hadn't wanted to be a tyrant like his father.

Liam knew he had made poor decisions. The ball he held to gain support from his courtiers had resulted in an angry mob of citizens who broke the windows and tried to get inside the palace, mirroring the storming of Bastille.

He had tried to force Drake to choose between Camille and the kingdom and his friend had rightly put his foot down and said he was a husband and father first, a Duke second. Liam felt his stomach turn when he thought back to that argument.

He had pushed away Olivia, rejecting her attempts to help. Liam realised that she had only been looking out for him, as always. He had been an idiot.

But he was wiser now.

Liam knew he would always have to fight to keep the throne, he couldn’t assume this was over. It may be calmer now but who knew when the next rebellion would ignite? All Liam could do was work to keep the throne strong and keep his kingdom protected. He had learned that it was okay to show weakness, it was okay to feel scared and it was okay to doubt yourself. 

Those were lessons learned and accepted.

Now, as he looked out over his kingdom, he finally felt ready to bear the weight of the crown and all that entailed. He was ready to prove that he was worthy of the throne and the role of King. But he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes as those before him.  Liam was going to forge his own path, stemming away from his father and brother, and be the King that Cordonia needed and wanted.

'For Cordonia,' he whispered to himself.

He would fight until the end, now and forever.

[beca-mitchell]

okay after that beautiful yet completely heartbreaking one shot I need the fluffiest one with prompt 69 pls

The prompt was: “We are not going to steal someone’s dog.”

Hopefully this was fluffy enough!! Sorry for breaking your heart. 💕

fools rushing in

Summary: Beca and Chloe love and support their five-year-old son through everything he does. Almost everything.

Word count: 1966

Beca likes to think she has grown more perceptive over time. A product of dating Chloe, proposing to Chloe, marrying Chloe, and then finally having a child with the love of her life. All of that has definitely amounted to an increased sense of awareness as to when the people she loves are distressed or in pain.

Chloe tells her that maybe it’s because she’s a genuinely kind human being and that she’s grown up a lot over the years.

They’ve both adapted to parenthood well despite Beca’s original hesitations about having children. She can’t imagine being anywhere else in her life right now, content with how everything’s turned out.

Chloe remembers the entire pregnancy with vivid clarity. Beca had been there night and day, attentive to Chloe’s every desire, even obscure grocery store requests in the middle of the night. She hazily recalls waking up almost every morning to Beca singing quietly to their little bump, often forgetting about the own pains in her back, content to watch her wife sing to their baby happily.

It had been a stark change from only a year and a half prior, where Beca had been somewhat adamant about not wanting children for at least a few years. Chloe’s not quite sure where it all clicks for Beca, though she knows they both regret the harsh arguments and fights between them over the topic.

Still, it feels like a fading dream, now that they happily have a son between them.

Theodore Beale-Mitchell is born on a Thursday night in March, weighing in at a healthy 3.9 kilograms, bright blue eyes, and the tiniest tuft of brown hair on top of his head. Beca literally cries when she has to separate from him and Chloe for just a few moments while the nurses quietly check in to clean up and make sure everything’s okay.

She’s back in Chloe’s hospital room only minutes later, hovering with uncertainty while Chloe adjusts their newborn in her arms.

It’s then and there that both Beca and Chloe vow to never let anything bad happen to their baby boy.

When they upgrade to a nicer home in a nice suburb north of Los Angeles, it comes with the added perks of better school options for Theodore. The school is snugly in between their home and Chloe’s neighbourhood veterinary clinic, so they adapt to their little community and surroundings fairly quickly.

Beca thinks that even though Teddy doesn’t necessarily have her biological traits, he picked up on a little of her prickly stoicness. She tells Chloe it’s just how people like them look out for themselves - with caution and hesitance. Chloe understands perfectly, despite having a completely opposite outlook on life. She adores how Beca bonds with their son, however. She has a million photos of similarly-shaded heads bent over a laptop, or the two of them sharing a pair of headphones, or her favourite - one of them donning similar leather jackets. Teddy’s adorable little brown leather jacket is one that Beca brings home - a gift from a client.

The thing about both Beca and Chloe is that they don’t manage conflict well. It’s not necessarily something that they have a lot of experience with, both of them hating the feelings that well up inside them whenever they fight - especially with each other.

They raise Teddy to be a kind, loving little boy. He is always respectful and careful with his words. He is generous and giving, but also wary of being taken advantage of. He loves animals, something that Beca once believed couldn’t have been genetic, but she truly believes it might be. She watches on in amusement whenever Chloe carefully shows him around the clinic on Saturday mornings. He stares at a fluffy white german shepherd, making grabby hands in its direction until Beca carts him back into the waiting area.

He’s the best of what both Chloe and Beca have to offer him.

It comes as a surprise to them, therefore, when he comes home in tears in his eyes and a scrape on his hand.

Beca is furious.

Chloe is heartbroken.

“Oh baby,” Chloe murmurs, bending down to inspect his hand. “Who did this?”

His eyes widen. “I - I did,” he whispers. “I fell.”

Chloe doesn’t believe him for a second, but Beca beats her to the punch. “Did somebody…make you fall, buddy?” she asks, bending down next to them. She brushes his hair from his forehead. “Has this happened before?”

He looks like he’s about to lie to their faces, but Chloe raises an eyebrow, causing his confidence to waver. “Yes…it’s these boys at school,” he admits quietly.

Chloe is well aware of what boys at ages five and six were like, having grown up closely with her cousins in Portland. They were menaces. They had been fairly tolerable until they turned their teasing and bullying towards her when she transferred into their elementary school after her parents moved. Worst years of her life.

“How long has this been going on?” Chloe asks, ensuring her voice doesn’t waver. She can feel Beca’s comforting presence beside her as well as the gentle hand that rubs at her back.

“I don’t know,” he admits, shuffling his feet. He wiggles closer to them, throwing his arms around Chloe’s neck. “A while.” He reaches out for Beca’s hand. “They…said stuff about you.”

Beca feels her heart jump into her throat. “What…stuff?”

“Like how your music really sucks.”

Chloe bites back a chuckle and twists to lock eyes with Beca. She can see relief and amusement in Beca’s eyes.

“That’s rude,” Chloe states, standing up. She groans as his weight causes her knees to wobble a little. “Mommy’s music only sucks a little bit.”

Teddy swats at her back lightly, giggling. He tucks his head against Chloe’s shoulder, turning his face so he can grin at Beca. “I like mommy’s music.”

Chloe continues chatting with him as she carries him into the kitchen. “Want to know a secret? I love mommy’s music.”

“That’s not a secret, mama!” Teddy’s voice carries from the kitchen. Beca shakes her head.

The topic of his school bullies doesn’t come up again until a few weeks later.

“Why don’t we have a dog?” Theodore asks moodily, sliding his waffles around on his plate.

“That’s a great question,” Chloe pipes up, putting her thermos down on the counter. “Why don’t we have a dog?”

Beca groans. She had forgotten that there are two children living in her house.

“Everybody has a dog. Or a cat.”

“Yes, why don’t we have a cat?” Chloe mutters, tapping her chin.

“Chlo,” Beca calls, warning in her voice.

“Yes, dear,” she gets in return.

“Bobby says that only losers don’t have pets.”

“Bobby’s wrong,” Beca says steadily. She wonders if she’s actually going to have to go in to talk to this kid’s parents. Or Teddy’s teacher. She finishes off the last of her coffee. “I didn’t have pets growing up and now look at me.”

Chloe snickers. Beca pretends not to hear.

“I had three dogs when I was a kid,” Chloe whispers to Teddy while she’s helping him put on his shoes.

Beca definitely pretends not to hear that. They definitely can’t afford to have a hyper animal in their house - at least, not for the time being.

Teddy’s mood steadily improves as the rest of the school year continues. Beca and Chloe watch his behaviour and they are pleased to notice that he is slowly reverting back to his cheerful self. Beca knows that Chloe had taken it upon herself to go into the school to have a chat with their son’s teacher, citing that Beca didn’t need additional stress on top of work and other things.

It’s a sunny Tuesday morning in April, just a month and a half after Beca and Chloe found that first scrape on Teddy’s hand.

He sits and the kitchen table and pouts before throwing his bag to the side.

“Hey!” Chloe exclaims, kneeling next to him when she hears the clatter of his plastic pencil case. She pulls him closer to her, making sure to maintain eye contact. “What’s wrong?” she asks quietly. “Do you not want to go to school?”

Beca puts her mug in the sink turning to face them. “What’s wrong?” she repeats, moving to pull up a chair so she can sit by them.

“I have show and tell coming up,” Teddy mumbles.

“You love show and tell!” Beca points out, smiling encouragingly.

“I’m going to fail!” he shouts.

Chloe raises an eyebrow at his raised tone. “What are you talking about? You can’t fail show and tell.” She turns to Beca. “Can you?”

Beca shrugs.

“Everybody has been bringing in their pets for show and tell,” he informs them. “Last week, Mary brought in her hamster. The week before, Nicky brought in his cat.”

“That seems irresponsible,” Beca mutters. Chloe nods in agreement.

“I just want ‘em to like me,” Teddy says softly.

Beca thinks her heart shatters right then and there. Her instincts kick in. She can practically feel Chloe’s temper rising. “Hey,” she says softly, reaching out to hold his tiny hand. It still baffles her that this is a human being that Chloe created - a human being that turns to them for love and support. “Hey,” she repeats to get his attention. “We love you so much, okay? You need to know that. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Chloe is quiet for a moment. “I thought you said they stopped,” she murmurs.

“I…I didn’t want to upset you.” His face scrunches up in concentration. “It’s not bad.”

They stay silent for a minute, allowing the quiet family moment to pass over them.

“When are you presenting?” Beca asks, breaking the silence.

“Friday.”

“Well, your mama and I are going to help you, isn’t that right, Chlo?”

“Yeah, we’re going to make it amazing,” Chloe says with determination. “It’ll be so amazing that your friends literally won’t know what to do with themselves.”

“Yeah?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah!” Beca exclaims, trying to exude enthusiasm as best as she can.

“Yeah!” he repeats, raising his arms excitedly.

Chloe grins, tapping her fingers on his knees excitedly. “I have so many ideas, little man. Don’t you worry. God, I think I’m more excited about this right now,” she says to Beca.

Beca rolls her eyes good-naturedly. She loves Chloe Beale, certified forever-child.

“And you know what? We’re going to figure something out, even if it means drastic measures.”

“What’s dras…drastic?” Teddy asks, tilting his head.

“It means she’s being dramatic,” Beca chimes in helpfully.

“I wanna be dramatic!” Teddy shouts.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Chloe repeats, tapping her chin. “Even if it means…stealing our neighbour’s dog!”

“Yeah!” Teddy shouts, gleeful excitement in his eyes. “Dog!”

Beca gawks at them, regardless of how much she loves Chloe and Teddy with all her heart, she’s not going to be party to a crime. “We are not going to steal our neighbour’s dog, Chloe,” she hisses.

Chloe waves her off nonchalantly, focusing on zipping up Teddy’s hoodie. “Sure, Beca.”

“What? Chloe?”

It concerns Beca that Chloe immediately jumped to theft to help their son.

She pulls out her phone, making a note to look up Humane Society locations as soon as possible.

Later that night, Beca sits up straight in bed, a gasp leaving her lips.

Chloe immediately sits up as well, flicking on her bedside lamp. “What is it? Are you okay?” She moves her hand to Beca’s stomach. “Is it the baby?”

“No - no,” Beca mutters distractedly. “I just…was that all an elaborate ploy to get a dog?”

Chloe’s laughter follows her as she sinks back into a restless sleep.

fic tag

[your-dietician]

Giving Birth During the Pandemic, Calif. Wildfire Evacuation

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/giving-birth-during-the-pandemic-calif-wildfire-evacuation/

Giving Birth During the Pandemic, Calif. Wildfire Evacuation

Illustration: by Lucy Jones

Smoke plumes over the parched hillside as we load up our two cars for our first wildfire evacuation: passports and a few bags, one neurotic pit bull and six very disgruntled barn cats. At the last minute, we toss in some baby essentials (car seat, co-sleeper) — but surely, surely we’ll be back home before we need them. Nearby, two wild turkeys peck at the new fire break, unperturbed by the human frenzy, the gathering of domestic animals, the churning of fields.

It’s August 2020. And I am 36 weeks pregnant.

A week earlier, we’d been counting our blessings — the sort of feel-good California nonsense that ran contrary to every fiber of my jaded New Yorker soul. But on that deceptively bright afternoon, I’d indulged. First on the list was our home: my husband’s family ranch in the Santa Cruz mountains where we’d moved from Brooklyn three years before.

Like so many “classic” journeys West, ours had begun in a quixotic vein. On paper, it was a job offer for my then-boyfriend, now-husband, but the impulse ran deeper than that. We were both fed up with New York for the reasons 30-something artists often are: a growing disillusionment with our respective industries; the churn of yuppification driving our friends from the neighborhoods they themselves had gentrified not long ago; the pervasive sense that there’s always someone younger than you dying to do the same thing for less. And so, we wanted to embark on a new adventure together, something utterly different — and what could be more different than trading cramped city living for bucolic rolling hills? The ranch itself held an almost mythic status for my husband. It was the childhood kingdom where he once visited his uncle and grandmother and played out his Tolkien fantasies; the steady rock of home after his parents got divorced.

But, it turns out, we’d come to California in the end times. The apocalypse grew starker the farther west we drove. When we passed through Montana, the big sky clogged with smoke as fields burned alongside the highway. As we wound down the Oregon coast, the heat sizzled. We reached the ranch on the hottest day in San Francisco history. We drove down to the beach to escape the heat—only to find a small brush fire blocking our path. The Bay Area of my husband’s childhood was in its death throes. Destroyed by tech bros and venture capitalists and, most irrevocably, by climate change. Since our arrival, the Golden State has seen its population decline for the first time on record.

Living out in all that damn nature — a 25-minute drive from just about anything — felt claustrophobic. I missed home. I yearned to hop on the subway. Trade gossip with the self-proclaimed mayor of my block. Stumble home and stop, shame-faced, at the corner bodega for a bag of expired Goldfish crackers. Engage with that pulsing, beating, bleating hum of humanity that is New York City.

But there’s nothing like a global pandemic to make you see the value of wide-open spaces. To find the beauty in sunburnt grasses. To see the hills dotted with live oaks not as yellow but as gold. To watch the fog unfurl like dragon smoke and think — this, perhaps this can be enough.

The second blessing we’d been fool enough to name was my “easy” pregnancy. I’d been 15 weeks pregnant when COVID-19 shut down the state. My in-person appointments migrated to video. I purchased a scale and a blood-pressure cuff; I dutifully reported the results every month. By and large, I felt pretty good. Healthy. But this fiction, too, was about to go up in flames. The temperatures soared, the barn cats’ fur crackled, my feet ballooned.

The morning of our evacuation, I have my first in-person OB/GYN appointment in months. By this point, I’m accustomed to the realities of a pandemic pregnancy. The strange disconnect when I talk to anyone who gave birth before COVID-19, who never worried if their partner would be allowed into the delivery room, or Googled “will the hospital separate me from my newborn if I test positive for COVID?” In the empty waiting room, the “don’t sit here” printouts have vanished along with the chairs that accompanied them. The pandemic has dragged on for five months, and the furniture has adjusted itself accordingly.

The doctor gives me bad news — the baby is in breech. The hard, round protrusion jutting beneath my rib cage is, indeed, the baby’s head, not his rump as I’ve been trying to convince myself for weeks. We schedule a version— a procedure where a doctor tries to turn the baby right-side down — for the following Friday.

Who was I to think that my body wouldn’t betray me?

There’s something else, too. My blood pressure clocks in at 151 over 97. The chatty nurse grows quiet. She looks at me, then back at the reading. She asks if I was rushing to get here. If I suffer from white-coat syndrome. With the cocky self-assurance of a person young enough and lucky enough to believe that their body won’t betray them, I tell the nurse I’m stressed. We’re under evacuation warning. By the time she straps the cuff back on after the appointment, my blood pressure has returned to normal.

Preeclampsia, the dangerous and maddeningly enigmatic condition that my high blood pressure augurs, has plagued (wo)mankind since the dawn of history. Back in the fifth century B.C.E., Hippocrates blamed it, along with so many other lady ailments, on the wandering womb. In the intervening two and a half millennia, doctors haven’t figured out the cause. The prevailing theory is that the problem starts in the placenta, the organ that nurtures the fetus in the womb: In women with preeclampsia, the blood vessels that form to deliver oxygen to the placenta are too narrow. In its efforts to feed the growing baby, the body kicks into overdrive. Your blood pressure skyrockets; your kidneys falter; your liver might fail. In the worst cases, the “pre” vanishes and you “progress” to eclampsia — seizures which can be deadly to both mom and baby.

Preeclampsia is characterized by a list of associations that often border on patient-shaming: risk factors include poor diet, obesity, diabetes, and chronic hypertension. For complex reasons that likely involve structural racism, unconscious bias, and biological weathering, Black women in America develop and die from preeclampsia at significantly higher rates than white women do.

Returning, then, to my certainty that I am perfectly well, high blood pressure or no, thankyouverymuch. We could call it denial. We could also call it a particular cocktail of white, able-bodied, and socioeconomic privilege. After all, none of those risk factors applied to me.

Days later, as another nurse lines my hospital bed with bumper pads to protect me in case of seizure, I’ll wonder at my arrogance. Just two years earlier, my older sister dropped dead at 35. Who was I to think that my body wouldn’t betray me?

Almost exactly nine months after we first arrived in California, my sister Julia died, both suddenly and predictably. She was 35 and, by most outward metrics, in good health. But, as hard as she fought, she’d been gripped by both depression and alcoholism for over a decade.

In the months after Julia dies, wildfires flame up and down the state. Eight-five people perish as Paradise is razed to the ground. I try to work on my new novel, a cli-fi dystopia that offers little escape. I spend a lot of time sitting in a large wooden crate, socializing a litter of barn kittens. Sometimes, I meet Julia’s college roommate, Casey, in San Francisco. We go to coffee shops that are both like and unlike the ones I missed in Brooklyn. Places where using the bathroom requires an app and a QR code. The world is literally on fire, and this is what Silicon Valley innovation has to offer: the monetization of what should be public goods. Over burritos and tears, Casey tells me stories about her toddler son. Funny words that he’d string together, and how when she says they can’t go outside, he knows to respond: “Too smoky?”

The decision to have children has always struck me as an essentially selfish one: You choose, out of a desire for fulfillment or self-betterment or curiosity or boredom or baby-mania or peer pressure, to bring a new human into this world. And it has never seemed more selfish than today. From a global perspective, having a child in a developed nation is among the most environmentally unsound decisions you can make — a baby born in the United States adds another 58.6 tons of carbon to the atmosphere per year. (That wipes out the net positives of my 25 years of vegetarianism in roughly three months). On the individual level, as fires rage and hurricanes form, as water grows scarce and fields lie fallow, it’s hard not to wonder: What kind of future can we offer a child?

And yet. On some level we still believe that a baby, our baby, will bring the world, our world, so much more than his carbon footprint. On another, we believe, like so many before us, that a baby can be the only balm after a loss. That it will transform me from a bereaved sister to something new and alien: a mother.

The day we evacuate, in that now-annual tradition among Western states, Gavin Newsom declares a state of emergency. The fire that we’re fleeing is the smaller of two mammoth blazes threatening the state. A CalFire spokeswoman on TV advises that all citizens should be “ready to go” in case of wildfires. “Residents have to have their bags packed up with your nose facing out your driveway so you can leave quickly.”

We joke about how absurd it is that every single Californian should be living in a perpetual state of emergency preparedness. It isn’t funny.

The truth is that we’re the lucky ones. We won’t be sleeping in our cars outside Half Moon Bay High School, hoping that the Red Cross can find us a hotel room. We have a safe place to go that will accept us and our veritable menagerie in the middle of a pandemic. My in-laws live an hour’s drive away. And for once we’re grateful they’re on the far side of Santa Cruz.

On the individual level, as fires rage and hurricanes form, as water grows scarce and fields lie fallow, it’s hard not to wonder: What kind of future can we offer a child?

So we settle into our cushy evacuation digs. I check Twitter for updates on the fire lines. I lie upside down on a propped-up ironing board to encourage the baby to flip. I dutifully record my blood pressure twice a day. When I go into a local lab on Monday, I pass a woman around my age. Her hair mussed; her clothes rumpled. I overhear her tell the security guard that she is evacuated from Boulder Creek. Her house has already burned down.

The call comes late that afternoon. We’ve gone for a walk on the beach to distract ourselves. A brisk ocean breeze keeps the smoke at bay.

The OB tells me that I need to go to the hospital in two days and that I should be prepared to deliver. Depending on whether they can flip the baby, they will either induce labor or perform a C-section.

I press my hand against my stomach, cupping what I now know is my son’s head. I dig my heels into the sand. I know with every fiber of my being that this child is not ready to be born. He has literally put his foot down. Wildfire evacuations? Smoke-clogged skies over the Bay? A global pandemic? Nah, thanks, Ma. I’ll stay inside.

Something primal stirs. A desperate need to protect this child — from the world, from the climate, from the overreach of litigation-fearing American doctors. This baby, I am convinced, does not want to come out. He needs a few more weeks inside. My lab work hasn’t even come back yet. Two high blood pressure readings? From a person evacuated from wildfires during a pandemic? And I feel fine.

So, for the first time in my life, I argue with a doctor, first patiently, then furiously. I tell her that I cannot possibly give birth in two days. That we’re evacuated. That we might not have a home to return to. That, as freelancers, we both lost a lot of work during the pandemic. That my husband, whose industry has been completely upended, has an enormous gig with a new client. That I can’t imagine waiting until Friday can make any difference. The doctor takes out the cudgel: “You need to stop worrying about money and start worrying about your baby.”

It is the first time anyone has pulled the “bad mother” card on me, though I’m sure it won’t be the last. I sputter. I am livid. I tell her we’ll be there.

Things at the hospital go well until they don’t. The baby flips; the cheerful dry-erase board is decorated with a beaming sun, the names of the on-duty nurse and physician, and the words “Preeclampsia: Mild.” The next morning, my blood pressure soars, and “mild” is replaced with “severe.” The blood-pressure cuff is now accompanied by a catheter and an IV that pumps me up with magnesium to reduce the risk of seizure. The bumper pads are up now, too.

The hospital, the beeping machines monitoring my vital signs, the proliferating IVs, it all reminds me too much of Julia. The three days I sat at her hospital bed — holding her hand, reading Redwall to her, so sure that she could hear me, that the stories we shared in childhood might somehow draw her back. So sure that she would pull out of her coma, that one day we would make macabre jokes about her hospital stay. That she wouldn’t die. That our story couldn’t end that way.

But here, in this hospital, the wool has lifted from my eyes. I now know how these stories end. And I am sure that one of us isn’t going to survive. It takes the last bit of my resolve not to tell my husband, in a fit of melodrama, to save the baby if the doctors have to choose. (In later, clearer moments, I realize that medicine doesn’t work that way. But in the throes of magnesium-laced labor, the brain latches to the cinematic.)

So much of what could go wrong does: The baby crowns but every time I push his heart rate drops. We try three more times with a suction cup fused to his head, the pediatrician’s eyes glued to the heart monitor, periodically shouting for me to stop pushing so a nurse can press the baby back inside and massage his heart rate up again. At some point, a switch is flipped, alarms blare: an emergency C-section. I’m rushed down the corridors amid flashing lights to the operating table. My husband abandoned in a delivery room awash in blood. Someone shouts back, “We’ll come back for you if we can.”

My son is wrenched from my seizing uterus — weak from the magnesium and letting out only the smallest cry. He is rushed to the NICU for oxygen and observation. But he lives. We live. And, in the end, we get to go home.

The night that Jude is born, our evacuation order is lifted. The fires that burn parts of Bonny Doon and Boulder Creek never reach the ranch. We are so very lucky. Even though I doubt that luck can last.

Although that future still terrifies me and part of me wants to disengage, to say “Let it burn” and “Fuck you” to all that, I can’t. I don’t have that luxury.

After the dust has settled, my father — my somehow still optimistic, boomer father — keeps talking about how crazy it will be for Jude to learn about the day he was born, in a pandemic while evacuated for wildfires. And all I can think is how much I wish Jude might grow up in a world where the summer of 2020 sounds aberrational. I suspect he won’t. As I write this, fires descend on Lake Tahoe, defying all efforts of containment, and Hurricane Ida has devastated the Gulf Coast. Headlines blare about “extreme” weather, and I wonder when the newspapers will lose the word “extreme.”

I know that the world in which Jude grows up will be plagued by more and more environmental disasters. That cataclysmic changes to the climate will exacerbate the other inequities we face as a nation and a planet. That we are living in a real way on borrowed time, under the shadow of carbon that’s already been released as more fossil fuel continues to burn and burn and burn.

Although that future still terrifies me and part of me wants to disengage, to say “Let it burn” and “Fuck you” to all that, I can’t. I don’t have that luxury. I have no choice but to believe that the future — troubled as it will be, stripped as it will be of my biting, brilliant sister — is still worth living in and fighting for. To believe not just in destruction, not just in accruing loss after loss after loss, but in counting blessings. Finding those small moments of joy. The smile on Jude’s face as he bashes his mouth into my cheek. “Boop,” I say as I tap his nose. The same sound Julia used to make when I tapped hers.

This isn’t the ending that I’m looking for. And it isn’t just an ending either. It’s a beginning, too. An often frightening one. And, for now, that has to be good enough.

Stay in touch.

Get the Cut newsletter delivered daily

Terms & Privacy Notice By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Notice and to receive email correspondence from us.

Source link

[tokikurp]

Second Chance- Chapter 1

Summary- It's tough losing your best friend just months before your wedding, especially when he was supposed to be your best man. Tendou would have never guessed, he would have to live through this scenario. Learning how to live on, as Semi would have told him to. But one rainy evening, a newborn is left at his and his husband's doorstep. 

And it will change their lives forever.

Warning- Major Character Death

Pairing- Ushijima Wakatoshi x Tenou Satori (UshiTen)

AU- Reincarnation

Word count- 3K

Don’t blame me if you cry ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

AO3

Tendou and Ushijima had been together for a long time, getting close to six years with the end of October. They became a couple when they and the rest of the third years retired from the volleyball club, passing on the torch to the new team (and after doing those 100 jump serves). Their friends saw it coming and were all smiles when the couple was spotted holding hands together.

At the beginning of April, just five months after getting together, a new chapter had begun for them. For Ushijima, it was attending the university on a full volleyball scholarship (with the interest in majoring in business). For Tendou, university...wasn’t in his plans. Instead, an apprenticeship with a mangaka was. When the middle blocker brought it up to the wing spiker, Ushijima encouraged him to take it.

“This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity, Satori. Take it. This is your dream and I will one hundred percent support that dream.” Ushijima stated. Not many people would have supported this idea, thinking it was a waste of time. Saying just go to university and get a decent paying job. Do not take the risk.

A lot of people told Tendou that.

Tendou didn’t listen to those people and took it. Ushijima stood by him and became his biggest supporter. This apprenticeship meant Tendou would have to give up a lot of things (such as a social life) and was going to be spending long hours working with the mangaka. But that didn’t matter to the wing spiker, as long as Tendou was happy, that was all that mattered. So Ushijima wouldn’t question why there was ink on Tendou’s face or pencil lead smudged on his hands; instead he would clean them off and ask how his day had went.  

Not only was Ushijima supporting Tendou’s dream; but Tendou was also supporting Ushijima’s dream, going professional. The redhead became not only Ushijima’s biggest supporter, but his cheerleader. Cheering for him as loud as he possibly could at every single game Tendou was able to attend. It also meant long training days and not getting back to their shared apartment until seven or even eight that evening. All the university’s games were not always home and Ushijima would be gone from Friday afternoon until Monday morning (of course, this depended on what university they were going to).

October 29th, their anniversary. Six years, it had gone by so fast. It only felt like yesterday when they had kissed after confessing at eighteen years old. Just five months away from high school graduation and about to start a new part of their life, a new journey they started together.

December 16th, a day Tendou didn’t see coming. Japan made it into the world championship, playing against Team Italy. Ushijima showed Italy why his nickname (Super Ace) had stuck around with him all these years. And introduced to them a new nickname they’ve never heard before.

“MIRACLE BOY! WAKATOSHI!” Tendou hollowered at the top of his lungs with a crowd of fans surrounding him, cheering for a point for Japan. Ushijima smirked and looked at an Italian wing spiker, who stood across from him and looked confused.

“Miracle Boy?” He asked, raising eyebrow.

“That would be me.” Ushijima responded, straightening up and looking at the player, who just looked even more confused.

But that confused expression vanished when Japan won the world championship, everyone cheering as the team ran around the court in excitement and hugging one another. Tears of joy in their eyes, they had won! They had won the volleyball world championship, JAPAN did! Tendou, felt so incredibly proud of the Japan team, but also Ushijima. As the press surrounded the team and coaches, Tendou watched as the wing spiker broke away from the chaos and jogged over to the Japan cheering section.

“Satori! Come down here!” Ushijima called out, holding his arms out to the former middle blocker.

What? Ushijima wanted him to come down onto the court? Why? Well he might as well find out, jumping from the stand and being caught by the wing spiker. Before Tendou could ask a question, the wing spiker bent down on one knee and taking Tendou’s hand into his.

“Satori, would you marry me?”

Let’s just say, the cameras caught the moment Tendou screamed yes at the top of his lungs and tackled Ushijima to the ground. Ushijima later confirming online that yes, he proposed to his boyfriend of six years and would be getting married.

Their engagement was the trending tweet the next morning.

The moment they got back to Japan, friends and family members were calling and texting them congratulations on their engagement. Such an exciting time and a time to celebrate. The old Shiratorizawa team threw a small party for their friends at a restaurant to celebrate their engagement. In the middle of celebrating though, Tendou nudged Semi to follow him outside the party room. Although the former setter was confused, he still followed Tendou to the outdoor patio of the restaurant.

“Eita, I want you to be my best man when Wakatoshi and I get married.” Tendou said right away, not letting Semi even ask why they had come out. At first, the former setter wasn’t able to answer, having being stunned into silence. He hadn’t expected to be suddenly confronted with this kind of question.

“Satori...of course!” Semi answered with a big smile crossing his face. Tendou gasped and hugged him tight.

“Thank you, Eita-kun! It really means the world to me.”

“Satori, you’re my best friend. It’d be an honor to stand with you on your big day.” Semi responded, hugging his best friend back.

Wedding planning started and a date was picked.

October 25th

June meant there were only four months left until the wedding and there was still plenty of stuff left to plan. Neither Tendou nor Ushijima had not known how much planning would go into a small ceremony for late October. Geez, so much to book ahead of time and so many decisions to be made. Thankfully, their friends and family were helping them plan this wedding and making it much easier to make it happen.

Or otherwise, they would probably not get anywhere close to finishing on time.

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Tendou was currently sketching out the next chapter of his manga; while he waited for a call from Semi. Semi had been a big help during this planning process and Tendou couldn’t have been more grateful for his best friend’s help. The call he was waiting for is in regards to their wedding suits, his and Semi’s suits. The two best friends opted to have matching suits and Semi knew a tailor, who could possibly make them.

Tendou just needed to know how much it would be for their suits and when they could come in together to get measured. So while he waited, he went on with his day and that meant finishing up the sketch. Also he waited for Ushijima to return home from training (but that was still about three hours away).

Before he knew it, the former middle blocker zoned everything out for the next two hours. Focusing on his chapter and aiming to have it finished and ready to be inked the next day. That was until his phone began to ring.

“Oh that must be SemiSemi!” Tendou picked his phone, but noticed the caller ID.

DOCTOR REON

With a raised eyebrow, Tendou answered.

“Helllllo?”

“Sa...Satori.” Came the broken voice of Reon. Was...was he crying? It sounded like the former wing spiker was crying, he could hear sobs coming from the other end of the phone. What in the world was going on?

“Reon? What’s wrong? Hey come on bud, take a deep breath and calm down.” Reon was a man that wasn’t afraid to show his emotions, but with his new responsibility of being a doctor, he had been getting better of hiding them when wanted. But why was he calling Tendou? Reon usually called Yamagata if he was upset about something and by the sounds of it, he was an emotional mess. Tendou swallowed before asking another question.

“Did...did you lose another patient?”

“S-Satori.” But Reon didn’t say anything else after that as another sob took over him. Something...something didn’t seem right and Tendou didn’t like the feeling settling down in his stomach.

“Ohira-san, I’m sorry.” Tendou heard someone say, maybe a nurse? “I know this call is tough to make, but he has a right to know.”

“I know, I know.” Reon responded, taking a deep breath. “I never...I never thought I’d have to make this call.”

Reon’s voice sounded so...so sad. Tendou wished he had a second phone so he could quickly text Ushijima to make sure he was alright. Hearing his friend take a deep breath, Tendou prepared himself for whatever the doctor is about to tell him.

“Satori, I’m...I’m so sorry.” Reon finally said.

“...Reon, you’re scaring me. Whose hurt? Is Wakatoshi-”

“No, Wakatoshi didn’t come in. Satori...it’s Eita.” Reon cut off.

“SemiSemi? Is he okay? What happened?” Reon didn’t respond for a moment, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out.

“Eita was in a serious car accident and he-he...he didn’t make it through the surgery.” Reon finally said and he broke down, his phone falling into his lap as he embraced the person next to him.  

Tendou sat there, eyes blinking as the information processed in his mind. Semi, his best friend, his best man, had been in a car accident. A car accident that was serious enough to send him to the hospital and his injuries had required surgery. A surgery he didn’t make it through…

It finally clicked and Tendou’s eyes widened.

“N-no. No, that’s not right.” He managed to get out. “No! Reon! Don’t play around with me!”

This couldn’t be true. This couldn’t be true! His best friend couldn’t be...couldn’t be dead. Reon picked up his phone and sniffed, whipping his eyes.

“I wish I was lying, I really wish.” His voice cracked. “I really wish, Satori.”

The phone dropped from Tendou’s hand as tears began to stream down his face. He tried to stand up, but only crumbled to the floor. He sobbed and sobbed as he curled himself into a ball, not noticing Reon hanging up. His best friend, his best man was gone.

“SATORI?!” Ushijima’s voice called out not even ten minutes after receiving the bad news.

Reon had called and informed Ushijima of the bad news and said he needed to get home to check up on Tendou. The wing spiker rushed into their apartment and found his fiancé on the floor in a fetal position. An emotional mess. A person who had just lost one of the most important people in his life. Ushijima looked at him, his own eyes watering as he watched Tendou look up and slowly sit up. Tendou’s sclerae were the same color as his irises, red, from all the crying he had been doing.

“‘T-Toshi.” He managed to get up, but his sobbing took over.

Ushijima didn’t say a word, but sat down on the floor and embraced him. Tendou broke down in Ushijima’s shoulder as the wing spiker’s own tears started to fall. They held each other for dear life, not wanting to let the other go and...something happening to them. They didn’t move from the floor until that evening, but even in bed, they didn’t let each other go.

They didn’t expect to return to Miyagi to say goodbye to their friend. But then again, nobody expected to return home to say goodbye to someone as young as Semi was. He had only been twenty-four. He had his whole life ahead of him, but it was cut short thanks to a man’s idiotic decision to drink and drive.

That man was currently awaiting trial.

The old Shiratorizawa team all met up at Ushijima’s childhood home to attend both the wake and funeral together. Even Coach Washijou and Saitou Akira went with the team. Because of the busy schedules, the next time the whole team was supposed to meet was in October. During Tendou and Ushijima’s wedding on the 25th. But here they were, meeting up a whole four months early to say goodbye instead of celebrating.

Finding Semi’s family was heartbreaking, especially seeing his Grandmother not being her typically bubbly, loud self. Instead, they saw a heartbroken woman, grieving over the death of her beloved Grandson.

“Semi-san,” Washijou started, bowing to the family. “We are deeply sorry for your loss and we send our condolences.”

Shiratorizawa also bowed.

“Thank you for coming, Washijou-san.” Semi’s Mother, Koi, thanked with a small smile. Semi had had his Mother’s sharp brown eyes. “We appreciate it.”

“Of course. He was a fine young man I got to know over his three years at Shiratorizawa.” Washijou nodded.

“Again, we appreciate you all for coming.” Semi’s Father, Yoshino, nodded with a sad smile. Yoshino had the same blonde ash color Semi had. Washijo nodded and placed a hand on the Grandmother’s shoulder.

“He’s up there with your husband. He’s in good hands.” Mentioning Semi’s Grandfather, who he had never gotten to meet as he had passed away just a few years before Semi was born.

Tendou watched as she put her hand on top of the man’s hand and nodded. She didn’t say anything, Tendou didn’t blame her. He’d probably- not probably, he knew he would start to cry if he was in her spot. Semi meant everything to her and she meant everything to him. As Washijou stepped aside, the rest of the team gave their condolences before moving onto where the wake would be happening.

The next evening after the funeral, guests gathered at the Semi home to enjoy food that had been brought by Koi and Yoshino’s co-workers. People talking and laughing about everything, Tendou couldn’t believe there were people laughing, after they had just said goodbye to someone. But he just figured it was better to start moving on then just moping around. Shiratorizawa stayed together, eating and talking on the stairs of Semi’s childhood home. Looking at all the pictures of when their friend was a baby until now. They all told stories about their days at Shiratorizawa and faovirte memories they had with Semi.

Tendou had to get up, he needed fresh air. No one stopped him, everyone knew he was taking this the hardest. He walked into the backyard to find only one person outside and that was Semi’s Grandmother sitting on the swing. She looked up when the door opened and saw Tendou, who was going to leave, but she patted the seat right next to her. She wanted him to join her.

“Hey Grandma,” Tendou greeted her as he sat next to her and laid his hands on top of hers. “How are you holding up?”

“Oh I’ve been trying, sweetie. I’ve been trying, but it hasn’t been easy.” She sighed and looked up at him, removing one of her hands from his grip and touching his cheek. “How have you been holding up, dear? I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’ve been the same. I keep thinking this is some nightmare that doesn’t want to end and I’ll wake up and Eita is blowing my phone up, telling me to wake up.” He chuckled at that last part, wishful thinking that he knew was never going to happen.

“I’ve been thinking about you and the others.” Grandma Semi, as everyone called her, treated the whole team like her own Grandchildren. Tendou knew she was worrying about them after this happened, that’s just how she had always been. Tendou nodded and they didn’t say anything for a few minutes before he spoke up again.

“Grandma I don’t think I can do it.” Tendou said, tears spilling over. “I can’t get married without my best friend by my side. Grandma I just can’t! I need Eita by my side.”

“Satori, look at me.” Grandma Semi said, grabbing Tendou’s chin and making him look at her. The former middle blocker moved to looked at her, his tears falling onto her hands. Although her eyes were are full of sadness and also watering up, she smiled at him.

“Eita wouldn’t want you to cancel the wedding because he wasn’t there. He would have been upset and angry that you threw away all the money you put towards the wedding and ended up cancelling because of him. Eita would have wanted you to marry Wakatoshi no matter what and honey, I know it’s hard. I really do know it’s hard, but you have to move on. And moving on means getting married in October.” Grandma Semi sniffed, tears falling now.

“I know he would have, but he’s been my best friend since we were first years and...he’s gone. He’s been there for everything.”

“Losing someone close to you is hard and moving on is just as hard. But listen to me Satori, as long as you never forget him, he’ll always be with you. He’ll be here,” She pointed to his head. “And here.” And to his heart.

“And you bet your bottom dollar he’ll be standing next to you on your wedding day. But in spirit. Smiling at you as you say ‘I do’ to Wakatoshi.” Grandma Semi smiled. Semi had had the same smile as his Grandmother and it gave Tendou some comfort. He leaned forward and leaned against her forehead, nodding.

“Wakatoshi and I already talked about it, we’re going to have an empty seat with his picture sitting in it.” Tendou told her, a smiling cracking for the first time this whole week.

“What a wonderful idea.”

Four months later, October 25th arrived and the wedding went on as scheduled.

Like he told Grandma Semi (who also attended with Koi and Yoshino), there was an empty seat with Semi’s picture in it. Tendou didn’t ask anyone else to stand for him and so, Ushijima didn’t have anyone stand with him. To him, it wasn’t fair that Ushijima’s best man (who happened to be Reon), would stand with him when Tendou didn’t have anyone standing with him. So, no one stood with them.

During the reception, Tendou took a quick breather outside and looked up at the stars. The night sky looked gorgeous with the glowing moon and twinkling stars and not a single cloud to cover it’s beauty. He smiled and leaned against the railing as he looked at the stars.

“I got married, SemiSemi. I wish you were by my side, but I know you were. I just couldn’t see you. I know you’re watching us and dancing with your Grandpa up there.” Tendou chuckled. “You party animals. I’ll see you later on, Wakatoshi is going to be wondering where I am so I better go back instead.” Tendou smiled up to the stars, before he turned around to head back inside.

But then, something stopped him and made him turn around. Obviously, no one else was with him. So...why did he feel like there was someone next to him? Like someone had been there the whole time?

“Oi Satori! It’s time to cut the cake.” Yamagata called out as he poked his head outside.

“Coming!” Tendou sing songed as he followed the former libero back into the reception. He looked behind himself one more time to make sure he wasn’t going crazy. Seeing it had only been him, he went back inside.

“LET’S CUT THE CAKE!”

[discardedsuggestions]

🌸🌿🦌🐉🍑

🐉 Dragonsickness;

When Mary first opens her eyes, the nurse screams. Her mother refuses to hold her, the doctor quits on the spot and the nurse walks out the door, finds her car and starts driving. She does not look back. The news spread throughout the hospital in a matter of minutes.

No one comes to help Mary or her mother. They’ve all heard the rumours. No one enters the room they are in. Patients are moved from this hospital to another. The staff quit, call in sick or leave with no notice.

Mary’s mother stares straight ahead and says nothing. She ignores the commotion happening outside, the shouting and frantic movements. Listening to the buzzing lights, the machines humming, whirring and whistling she drowns out Mary’s wailing. Her cries are rough, scratchy, exhausted. She has been crying for a long, long time now and she’s tired. Her throat is raw, her lungs are on fire and she’s hungry. It’s cold and big and scary and she wants something she does not know how to get. Thin tendrils of smoke run from her mouth and her nose. She wants her mother to hold her, comfort her, love her.

Mary stops crying, eventually.

Hours later, when her father comes in to see Mary on the floor, his wife refusing to even look at her; he picks her up. Rocks her back and forth. Sees her odd eyes; liquid gold and slit pupils. Smells the smoke on her skin, sees the soft outlines of scales around her eyes and nose, the nails curved like claws; and loves her still.

He takes her with him. Says nothing to his wife. Walks out the sliding doors with Mary bundled up in his arms. No one tries to stop him.

He goes home, packs his bags and drives to his grandmother’s house. She takes one look at him and opens her door wide, urging him in, in, away from the cold and the rain.

She doesn’t ask any questions. There’s few reasons why her grandson would come to her without his wife, soaking wet with his newborn daughter held to his chest. She assumes he’ll tell her when he’s ready.

‘Let me have a look at her while you go clean up.’ she says, shooing him further into the house. ‘On you go! I got her. Nice ‘n quiet, this one.’ 

She waits until she hears him turn on the shower. This is not a situation she thought she’d find herself in. She’s an old woman with limited resources. Caring for a child with the Sickness is not something she knows she can do. Right now Mary is sleeping peacefully, but how will it be when she wakes up? When she grows older? She kisses the top of her head and smiles down at her. One day at a time, like her mother used to tell her. Take it one day at a time.

‘Now where do we put you?’

Reckless. Wild. Unruly. That’s what they call her.

Mary grows up with nature in her blood. She wants to be outside, running, flying, chasing after birds and rabbits and climbing trees.

Her teachers hate her.

‘Fear you, her father says. They’re afraid of what they don’t know.’

Her classmates refuse to play with her. Run away screaming whenever she approaches.

‘They think you’re contagious. They’re afraid of catching the Sickness themselves, Mary. Leave them be, okay? As long as they don’t hurt you, just ignore them.’

She doesn’t care. They can have their petty games. Mary gets to be alone. She can leave class whenever she wants without anyone stopping her, and none of the bullies dare look at her.

It’s fine, she thinks. There’s the creatures in the forest, the animals roaming who only care about being afraid of her when she’s chasing them. The birds don’t mind her presence. She gives them seeds and pieces of bread and they hop up to her and let her sit and talk to them. It’s okay.

She’s not lonely.

She can make fire! Breathe smoke! Her scales are coming in! Her teeth are falling out, and the ones growing out are cool. Like, super cool. They’re all sharp and big, and when she runs her tongue over them she feels like a vampire. She has fangs. None of the other kids do.

She’s like a werewolf, except she’s turning into a dragon instead. A weredragon.

It’s good. She has the birds for friends, and she hikes through the forest every day. Yeah, she scrapes her knees and elbows a lot, and yeah, it hurts when her scales chafe and grow against her skin, but it’s nice! Her grandmother let’s her sit on her lap when she’s knitting, and tells her stories about her dad and her own life, and Mary doesn’t miss her mother ever. Never ever ever.

She has a family who loves her and she doesn’t need anything else.She’s happy. Her dad takes her out for ice cream every friday and they watch movies and play games when she comes home from school. He says he’ll let her have a snake one day, if she’s good.

She’s gonna grow up big and strong and one day she’ll be able to fly. Then she won’t need a mother. Or friends. She’ll go with the birds and travel the world. Bring back treasures for her grandma and her dad, hoard gold or something. She hasn’t decided yet.

That’s fine, though. She has all the time in the world. She’s gonna live for a hundreds of years and be the coolest dragon ever. Who cares if people think she’s weird?

It’s hard, when her grandmother dies. It’s worse when her father does. She never really thought they’d die. It was supposed to be them against the world, together forever. Not Mary alone.

She’s bigger now. Stronger and faster, too. Her wings are coming in. She’s completely covered in scales. They shimmer in light, a rainbow of colours hiding in the deep red. Her claws are long and sharp, stained black entirely now. No more flesh to her; she’s all armour.

Soon she’ll be up over the clouds, looking down at the world like it’s done to her. She will be on top.

Years pass. She learns to fly. People are scared. Call her a monster, an abomination. She ignores them all. The birds let her fly with them. She sees the world, and it sees her.

She finds others like her. Times change. They’re allowed to grow up. They have friends, family, support.

She tries not to be jealous.

It’s hard.

She finds herself a family. Her old one is long gone, and she misses them still, but this one. They’re like her. They understand. They fly and roar and breathe fire just like she does, and they talk to the birds and her and they call her friend. She’s happy.

This time, she’s really happy.

🍑🌸 Pink bubblegum;

Spring comes like it always does. It brings with it blooming life, a garden to tend to and fruit and berries to pick. Jam, lemonade and baked goods are made. Weeds are pulled out and used, the grass is cut and food is put out for the birds and wildlife. Life is simple, bright and green.

People come from far and wide to see the Garden. They pick the fruit and marvel at the flowers. Look at the animals and take pictures of the scenery. Couples have picnics, children play among the bushes and in the trees, and some walk the long, winding paths.

There is always something to do, always a helping hand needed.

Things in the Garden are not as they used to be. Some plants and animals have left, and there are people stealing seeds and ruining the paths. Littering and drought turn to be a bigger problem than usual this year.

Angels are dispatched to pick up trash, water flowers and refill food stations for the animals. Anyone lost is given directions or led back home.

The children are given candy as they leave and the adults get a sense of peace and belonging.

Spring turns into summer. The Garden is flourishing. Life is simple, bright and green.

🌿🦌  The Fae King visits;

At one point, when the weight of the crown turns too much and the whole world seems like one big chore, the Deer King leaves his kingdom to visit a friend.

He skips off to find the spirit in the woods. Chooses paths at random and gets hopelessly lost. Finally finds himself at the old, decrepit church. He sees the spirit and asks it if he could please have a cup of tea and some time to collect himself. A story in exchange, he could give it.

He wants some peace and some quiet, that’s all. He will leave if necessary but would greatly enjoy the company.

It smiles at him and gestures at their bed. Sit, it says. What’s on your mind?

Ah, sighs the King. Everything.

[npr]

As a neonatal intensive care nurse, Lauren Bloomstein had been taking care of other people's babies for years. Finally, at 33, she was expecting one of her own. The prospect of becoming a mother made her giddy, her husband Larry recalled recently— "the happiest and most alive I'd ever seen her."

Other than some nausea in her first trimester, the pregnancy went smoothly. Lauren was "tired in the beginning, achy in the end," said Jackie Ennis, her best friend since high school, who talked to her at least once a day. "She gained what she's supposed to. She looked great, she felt good, she worked as much as she could" — at least three 12-hour shifts a week until late into her ninth month. Larry, a doctor, helped monitor her blood pressure at home, and all was normal.

On her days off she got organized, picking out strollers and car seats, stocking up on diapers and onesies. After one last pre-baby vacation to the Caribbean, she and Larry went hunting for their forever home, settling on a brick colonial with black shutters and a big yard in Moorestown, N.J., not far from his new job as an orthopedic trauma surgeon in Camden. Lauren wanted the baby's gender to be a surprise, so when she set up the nursery she left the walls unpainted — she figured she'd have plenty of time to choose colors later. Despite all she knew about what could go wrong, she seemed untroubled by the normal expectant-mom anxieties. Her only real worry was going into labor prematurely. "You have to stay in there at least until 32 weeks," she would tell her belly. "I see how the babies do before 32. Just don't come out too soon."

When she reached 39 weeks and six days — Friday, Sept. 30, 2011 — Larry and Lauren drove to Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch, the hospital where the two of them had met in 2004 and where she'd spent virtually her entire career. If anyone would watch out for her and her baby, Lauren figured, it would be the doctors and nurses she worked with on a daily basis. She was especially fond of her obstetrician/gynecologist, who had trained as a resident at Monmouth at the same time as Larry. Lauren wasn't having contractions, but she and the ob/gyn agreed to schedule an induction of labor — he was on call that weekend and would be sure to handle the delivery himself.

Inductions often go slowly, and Lauren's labor stretched well into the next day. Ennis talked to her on the phone several times: "She said she was feeling okay, she was just really uncomfortable." At one point, Lauren was overcome by a sudden, sharp pain in her back near her kidneys or liver, but the nurses bumped up her epidural and the stabbing stopped.

Inductions have been associated with higher cesarean-section rates, but Lauren progressed well enough to deliver vaginally. On Saturday, Oct. 1, at 6:49 p.m., 23 hours after she checked into the hospital, Hailey Anne Bloomstein was born, weighing 5 pounds, 12 ounces. Larry and Lauren's family had been camped out in the waiting room; now they swarmed into the delivery area to ooh and aah, marveling at how Lauren seemed to glow.

Larry floated around on his own cloud of euphoria, phone camera in hand. In one 35-second video, Lauren holds their daughter on her chest, stroking her cheek with a practiced touch. Hailey is bundled in hospital-issued pastels and flannel, unusually alert for a newborn; she studies her mother's face as if trying to make sense of a mystery that will never be solved. The delivery room staff bustles in the background in the low-key way of people who believe everything has gone exactly as it's supposed to.

Then Lauren looks directly at the camera, her eyes brimming.

Twenty hours later, she was dead.

Focus On Infants During Childbirth Leaves U.S. Moms In Danger

[heymstia-blog]

Grandmother, Grandfather Dearest

I brought my tired son into my parent’s home and they were so excited to see him. It had been 4 weeks since they’d seen him. The first thing my mom said when she saw him was, “Why don’t he have on a coat?? Its cold outside! He need on a one piece!”. Abolarinde is my mom’s first grandchild. Initially she was in utter shock and disappointment with my pregnancy. “This was not the plan”. The “plan” was to continue my education, secure employment, meet the man, date him for years, let my parent’s get to know him, get engaged, get married and years after that have a child. I did thee complete opposite and it truly disappointed my parents. After telling them about my pregnancy they continued to reiterate how hard it was going to be, they were unsure how I was going to cope and they were not sure of how the process of immigration went, they couldn’t understand why I all of the sudden showed interest in my husband, who is a Nigerian man and it was overall a lot to process for them. I cried a lot throughout my pregnancy because I wanted the acceptance and approval of my parents. Even at almost 25 years old, what they think is important to me. I truly want to make them proud. Eventually things got better. It took a while but today they love my husband and they give us continuous support. However, for a lack of better word, she is highly protective over her grandson. Me and my mom have gotten into heated disagreements, discussions about the choices I decided to make regarding Abolarinde but what I appreciate the most is my mom has started to let up (slightly) and let me do my mommy thing. 

I went into the bedroom to get Abolarinde comfortable and nurse him. My brother, his wife and step daughter visited. It was the first time my brother had met my son and we were both exhausted but I put on a good face. They stayed for while and left. It was getting late so I got comfortable and started nightly routine with Abolarinde expecting that it would go as planned as it usually does at home. It didn’t. We drifted off to sleep and it seemed that every other hour he woke up to eat. My dad decided to take him to the living room so I could get some rest and my mom tried to give him a bottle of my breast milk but it wasn’t the same as being able to nurse from me. I listened to him cry in the living room and heard my parent’s shuffling around to keep him quiet but I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out of bed and brought him back with me to nurse him. 7 AM came, the sun peaked through the window and Abolarinde was up again but I knew that he would be awake for 2 hours instead of eating and going back to sleep. My mom woke up and asked me how I felt and I broke into tears saying I am tired. I tried not to be tool vulnerable around my parents. I was embarrassed to be tired but I also wanted to keep up my facade of having it all together. I didn’t want to prove them right. Yes being a mother to a newborn was hard but I didn’t want to be tired to tears in front of them how LAME! My mom consoled me and went to cook breakfast. She even called off from work to stay home and relax with the baby and I. I felt so glad to be home and I even wondered why I didn’t come home sooner. Little did I know that in the next two weeks of my stay I was going to find out why I didn’t :) 

For the next few days I tried to maintain my daily routine and stay out of my parent’s way. I tried not to ask my parent’s for much help so I would take Abolarinde in the bathroom with me while I showered and try to hold him and do other things with one hand but my parents graciously helped out when they could. I tried to bathe Abolarinde every evening as I would if we were home and my mom would say, “Why do you bathe him everyday he’s not dirty, he doesn’t need a bath everyday” and I would refute, “It’s our nightly routine it may help him sleep better”. “He won’t know the difference in the routine he’s still young, yet”. Abolarinde ate every hour and a half, two hours but I would nurse on demand, if he needed comfort. “You feeding him again?? Is he getting enough to eat?? Have you considered starting him on some formula? You may want to consider that so you can make sure he’s getting enough to eat. What if you get sick? Since you not pumping someone else could watch him. If I was breastfeeding I would be pumping around the clock, you playing”. If I pumped I would show my mom how much and she would respond, “Is that all you pumped?? That’s why he eat every other hour”. Breastfeeding was hard enough for me. I was always self-conscious about if Abolarinde was getting enough to eat, if I was making enough milk, if I needed to take a supplement to increase my flow and now that I think about it I was probably stressing myself out. I continued to stay at my parent’s house because ANYTHING was better than staying back at my house , alone with Abolarinde. I intended to leave on a Saturday afternoon but Friday I woke up and had excruciating pain in my stomach. I couldn’t move, I was vomiting and sweating. I was almost certain that I had food poisoning. A friend of mine visited and brought me steak tacos from my favorite Mexican restaurant and they were so good the night before but they were SO bad the day after. I needed to go to the hospital, I hadn’t pumped any milk, my mom had to be at work at 12 pm, my dad had somewhere to be at 1 pm and my husband was at work all the way in Chicago. I bundled Abolarinde up in the clothes I had left for him since we stayed WAY longer than I expected and my dad took me to the emergency room of the same hospital my mom worked. I sat in that emergency room for 2 hours. My dad sat with me for as long as he could. He held Abolarinde, walked him around, comforted him when he was crying and rocked him to sleep.I had to ask the front desk receptionist for a pan so I could vomit while I waited, I had my now 5 week old son with me in this dirty hospital and I had to continue to nurse him. While I got my vitals checked one of the nurses volunteered to hold him which I was TOTALLY against since we were in this dirty, germ infested hospital. I was instructed to return to my seat and wait my turn to go to the back and be seen by a doctor. While I sat down I vomited again. An older couple saw me trying to hold the baby and comfort him as he whined and cried. They took him and held him while I tried to get myself together. We talked, exchanged some laughs and FINALLY  I was called to go to the back to get checked out. In Lafayette, I’ve been spoiled with the hospitals. They’re clean, the rooms are bigger and for the most part the care of the nurses and doctors are A1. This was not the case where I was. The nurse came in, pressed on my stomach and said I had gas. Another nurse came in and asked the most random questions. Finally the doctor came in and told me they couldn’t figure out what was wrong and, “I could stay overnight if I wanted to”. All the while, I was in the hospital room by myself with my sleeping baby that I held on my chest. I felt completely helpless and I was wondering was this going to be the running theme of my motherhood journey (struggle) because I wasn’t built for it anymore. As soon as my mom’s shift was over she came and relieved me from my baby. I told her what the doctor said and she recommended that I didn’t stay in the hospital and I agreed. The doctor prescribed me medication and she couldn’t even tell me if I was able to take the medication and breast feed at the same time. I WILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF GET ME OUT OF HERE. I was so glad to be out of that hospital. It was evening by the time we left and better or not I was getting out of there with my child. My mom took me home and I laid back in bed with Abolarinde. He could tell that I was not feeling my best so he didn’t give me much trouble. He rested right beside me and listened to the faint sound of the television. My dad volunteered to take him into the living room and I accepted. Abolarinde was doing well and then my dad decided to sit him down and he cried, he cried loud and hard and my dad let him. He’s a believer in letting babies cry it out claiming that it helps them not be spoiled but I was not there yet in my motherhood journey to allow my child to cry like that and neither was my mom. She came back in the house and asked my dad, “Why are you letting him cry like that??” My dad insists it’s because he was spoiled but my mom brought my whimpering baby back to me to comfort. We had a LONG day but I was super appreciative of my parent’s for nursing me back to health. I figured to myself that I could stand to stay another day, or two, or three or five. 

The next 5 days staying at my parent’s house were really because I was being a big baby. I was afraid to go back to my house and even if my parent’s weren’t talking to me every hour of the day I just enjoyed knowing that someone was home. During the day they went to work and I stayed home with Abolarinde. I tried to straighten up their house as much as I could with him. I wanted to try to keep myself busy. I wasn’t completely comfortable with taking him out so visiting friends and family in the area wasn’t an option.This particular week my son was going through a growth spurt (a time in a child’s life when they are constantly nursing and clingy). It seemed like every 30 minutes to an hour I would lift my shirt to feed him. One night I prepared to lay down with Abolarinde and he didn’t want to lay down, go to sleep, nurse or be bothered with anyone. When Abolarinde finally did lay down to sleep he woke up every other the 30 minutes to an hour nursing. Some of these nursing sessions he would go back to sleep and other ones he would stay up. Normally, I would be able to lay him down beside me after he drifted to sleep but I had to lay him on my chest and sit up straight for him to be comfortable which was beyond frustrating and uncomfortable to me. Sunrise came and I was functioning from 1 hour of sleep. I tried to gather myself before anyone saw me. My mom woke up and asked me how I felt and I told her tired but she refused to show me much sympathy this time. She went into the living room to talk to my dad and as I laid in the bed I overheard her saying she bet I would have chose a different route if I knew what I knew now about taking care of  a newborn (and as different route I mean keeping my cookies to myself). I was upset and annoyed by the comment but more so upset with myself. I thought that if I knew now I probably would have made different decisions. This was not the plan that I had for myself but the truth of the matter was Abolarinde was here and I was responsible for him. The next few days Abolarinde continued to have scattered sleep and it became normal to me. On Thursday evening I made the executive decision that Friday it was time for me to go home. I had not scene my husband in what felt like FOREVER and I was ready to be in my own space as I knew my parent’s wanted their space back. I gathered Abolarinde’s things the night before and Friday afternoon. I packed him in the car and was on my way. I yet held my breath while driving with him but he slept the entire way back. We got back to Lafayette and my God it felt good to be home. Being away that long at my parent’s house made me appreciate my own space more. 

[riaa-isabel]

After Scarlett’s grand escape from NICU, she and I didn’t immediately go home. Home for us is actually 2 hours away in Andrews, Tx.  So going “home” for Scarlett meant an extended stay at Grandma Sylvia’s and Popo’s house (my mom & her boyfriend). 

Both of whom we are so incredibly thankful for, for opening up their home to us following Scarlett’s hospital stay. I honestly can’t say enough how much their help meant to us during this transitional period. 

Our reasons for sticking around longer are not as crazy as you might think. BJ & I made decisions that were best for our family at the time. While we would have loved nothing more than to take our sweet, tiny warrior home; it was better if she and I stayed close to her doctors for a little while. Following her release from NICU she would have several specialists she would need to follow-up with (within the first month alone). Cutting out traveling time, not only helped us financially but also gave this mama a peace-of-mind staying close to doctors who were already familiar with her medical history.  Not to forget to mention that Scarlett came home on supplemental oxygen support! All of which was something I wanted to be completely comfortable using, before taking any extended road-trips.

The Oxygen tanks & Pulse Ox Machine

The answer to the million-dollar question: Why did we choose to follow up with doctors in Lubbock, rather than Midland/Odessa which are a lot closer to us?

For starters. Because we wanted to. Our kid, Our choice lol.

But for real, because I was scared. I was a first-time mom, with a fragile baby, who had already overcome SO many obstacles. Having a choice between going to doctors in an area I’m not 100% familiar with. Verses seeing doctors in the area where my daughter was born, and we already knew.. I mean… It wasn’t really a choice – at least not in my eyes. We also have most ALL of our family in Lubbock. It’s where BJ & I were born and raised. So having that familial support and being so close, allowed the opportunity for our family to enjoy time with Scarlett. That was something we really wanted for her, especially during that time.

Grandma Sylvia

Finding balance isn’t; easy and can be very taxing. I know it took us time to find ours (and we’re still working on it lol). We found that by following the NICU schedule the first few days at home made the transition a lot easier on Scarlett. The absence of machines beeping and people coming and going made home eerily quiet for her. Thankfully the sounds from her oxygen machine created white noise which helped her sleep. I eventually started changing the routine a little at a time in order to make it our own and what worked for us.

That first couple of days home were both a challenge and a blessing. While I no longer had the helping hands of 100 NICU nurses, I was able to take care of Scarlett all by myself. I had been looking forward to days like these. That’s not to say I didn’t have my worries. But thanks to the wonderful UMC NICU staff, I had been well “trained” on what to do in case things got a little hairy.

The days were fairly smooth and easy…when she slept, I slept – We slept. 😉 Jk. I had a “newborn” on my hands – I wasn’t getting any sleep! lol Like any other mom, I spent most of my time changing diapers, prepping bottles, feeding, and washing bottles. Change. Feed. Wash. Repeat. You get the idea. My mom and Luis (a.k.a Popo) were almost always at work, so most days we had the house to ourselves. Visitors were far and few between. We were still in Flu/RSV season and everyone respected our boundaries. Healthy = a visit & Scarlett snuggles.  Unhealthy = Love us from a distance.

When our families would visit I would get a “break” and was able to shower and feed myself lol. Which was AWESOME! You don’t realize how amazing those things are until you wind up skipping a few meals and start to smell like baby poop. They are such a godsend! They stepped up and learned Scarlett’s routine in order to alleviate some of the work Scarlett required lol. I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it a million times more. OUR VILLAGE ROCKS! Seriously.

Laura stealing Scarlett cuddles so Mom could “nap” (aka clean lol)

Tia Stephanie & Tia Mo helping with the nighttime routine

Night times were a little more challenging. BJ would continue to travel back and forth from Andrews to Lubbock, which meant I was something like a single mom. (Kudos to ALL of you full-time single parents. Raising a small human on your own ain’t easy!)  On the weekends, we would take turns getting up with Scarlett during the night which worked out…for the most part. However, two grown adults sharing a twin bed wasn’t exactly comfortable…so neither one of us was getting much sleep. Yet, somehow, we managed. At the time, I think BJ & I were in “survival mode” and just did what we had to do to make things work. We didn’t take a single thing for granted. After all, we had already been blessed beyond measure. Scarlett slept in a pack’n’play that was given to us by our dear friend Shannon. Which made things SO much easier! With Scarlett on oxygen support, she would constantly need her pulse ox monitor on. The pack’n’play made it THAT much easier for us to pick her up/move her without having to thread or untangle all of her wirings. I highly recommend using one of these for your own little one in the beginning.

  Her first post NICU appointment would be with her pediatrician, two weeks after her release. That day was one of my most anxious days of all.

From our Facebook Group 1 1/2 years ago. 

I took Scarlett to her first appointment today; and I’ll be honest with you – I was really nervous about it. Just like any first time mom, I felt all of the anxiousness you feel when it’s time to take your new baby on their first outing. I had all of these questions and worries flooding my mind. What time should I leave? Will we be there on time? Am I going to the right place? Do I have enough diapers? Do I need to pack extra clothes? And the list goes on and on and on…

And then on top of all of THAT, I felt the nervousness new moms, of a preemie, feel and all of THOSE worries and questions that come to mind. How am I going to carry Scarlett AND all of her equipment? Will I need to take all of her medicines with me? Do I give her medicines now or wait until after the appointment? What if the battery goes out on her monitor? What if her tubing gets snagged somewhere and I don’t know how to fix it? And on and on and on…

Needless to say – I was one very anxious and overwhelmed mess of a momma this morning. (And don’t get my started on how my night went, especially, with our little rain storm)

I made a plan. I had a list. I tried my best to be prepared.

So I when woke Scarlett up this morning to start our morning routine, (change diaper, feed Scarlett, give Scarlett her breathing treatment…) God surprised me and put my worries at ease. I walked past my moms room, like I have every morning since we came home, and instead of it being empty, my mom was in her bed. She was waiting for me to wake her up so she could help and go with us today.

We went to her appointment and it was great! We got there okay, and after a little adventure (called being lost), with some help we found our way. I met with Scarlett’s pediatrician – she’s nice, I REALLY like her. But she gave me a lot of information and in the end I felt overwhelmed yet again. I forget that even though Scarlett is out of the hospital, she still has a ways to go before she is caught up with other babies her age. There are things that I as her mother have to do to help her get there. So when we came home I was kind of feeling down in dumps. I just felt worried all over again because I want to make sure Scarlett is taken care of and that I am doing the best that I can for her.

I don’t know about you, but to me that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself – but I tend to do that sometimes. I have worried so much about Scarlett, her health and wanting to do what is best for her. That I sometimes forget to stop and ask God to help me. I forget to ask him to take these worries from me. When I opened my bible app today, I was searching for a new devotional to follow and I saw my favorite bible verse. Isaiah 40:31 And in that moment I felt an instant relief. I laughed at myself; because in all of my worrying, even though I forgot to ask for Gods help, he saw what I needed and he provided for me – like he always has. He never ceases to remind me of his constant love.

1st Doctors Appointment

I know this new season of life will challenge me again. Now that Scarlett is home there are new obstacles to face and overcome. But only by Gods grace and love will we be able to get through it. We just have to take things one day at a time and remember to pray.

So with all of that being said – Scarlett is 8lbs 9oz and 20.5in long! She’ll have a weight check appointment next week. We will see her pediatrician every 2 weeks (until we decide otherwise) and She has an eye appointment on Friday. Please pray that we get good results like we have been.

Thank you all for your love. And I hope this helped you in some way. If you are struggling with something or just needed a reminder of Gods love. Know that he is always ready and waiting.

“…the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. The Lord is a faithful God…” – Isaiah 30:18

 Looking back at this I can’t help but be PROUD of myself for being strong and BRAVE enough to talk about my feelings. It’s scary to open up and be 100% honest with not just yourself but the world! 

While life after NICU was ANYTHING but normal and easy, I am so grateful that God provided for us time and time again. It’s hard being a new parent and learning to take care of someone else. But it’s just a “tad” bit harder when your child requires a lot of special attention. Yes, we are blessed that SO MANY things went RIGHT for Scarlett. But that doesn’t mean our struggles weren’t real. I’m still dealing with my PTSD and taking things one day at a time. But if sharing our story will help any of you other NICU parents, I am so happy about that!

I hope that you can learn to find balance too and always know that no matter how hard the struggle is, you are NEVER alone.

  Epilogue: Balancing Act – Life after NICU After Scarlett's grand escape from NICU, she and I didn’t immediately go home. Home for us is actually 2 hours away in Andrews, Tx.

[lotsofdogs]

Ryder Meets Family

Hi friends! My blogging schedule will probably be a little all over the place right now to the point where I probably shouldn’t call it much of a schedule but it’s only because I’m doing my best to soak up every second of these precious newborn days with my family and Ryder.

Ryan and I felt very fortunate to have a house full of our favorite people this weekend. My sister and brother-in-law and my parents bunked up with us this weekend and got the chance to meet Ryder for the first time. (Well, my mom already met Ryder since she drove in town early to help with Chase after his birth but it was everyone else’s first meeting!)

After everyone arrived, we spent Friday night grilling chicken thighs and digging into juicy watermelon, roasted sweet potatoes and a deliciously whipped and creamy icebox cake before calling it a night around 11 p.m.

Saturday

Ryder’s sleep is predictably unpredictable at the moment and we’re currently up every two(ish) hours for feedings in the night. I’ve been struggling to fall back asleep after Ryder’s 5 a.m. feeding but thankfully on Saturday I fell back into a deep sleep until a little after 7 a.m. which felt fantastic!

Once everyone was up for the day, we dug into a giant breakfast casserole and hung out on our back patio for several hours. It was so nice to ease into the day with my family and enjoy some time outside while we sipped on coffee and took turns soaking up baby cuddles and playing with Chase.

Eventually everyone was itching for a little activity and while the majority of our crew headed out on the boat to spend a few hours on the lake, I figured 90+ degree heat wasn’t a great idea for our new baby so my sister joined me and Ryder for an afternoon outing to Birkdale Village.

How beautiful does Leslie look!? She’s officially 28 weeks pregnant and just entered her third trimester. She’s been feeling great during her pregnancy and it was so wonderful to be able to see her and her belly!

During our time at Birkdale, we popped into Clean Juice for smoothies and then picked up some treats I’m planning to take to the hospital this week for the amazing nurses and doctors who took such wonderful care of Ryder after his birth.

By the time we made it home, my family was back from their boating adventure and we spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around, baking a belated birthday cake for my sister and chatting away.

Once Chase was up from his nap, we piled into our cars and headed up to Mooresville for pizza at Alino’s. My family is almost as obsessed with Alino’s pizza as we are and request a visit to our favorite pizza spot almost every time they come in town. You don’t have to twist our arms to make that one happen!

(Chase was clearly not feeling the family photo!)

We shared three large pizzas and they were fantastic as always!

Our Saturday night concluded with birthday cake at home and Leslie was sweet enough to let Chase help her blow out her birthday candles.

Sunday

Sunday morning began a lot like Saturday morning as we all dug into a French toast casserole. We had plans to take the boat out at 9 a.m. before the heat of the day set in since I cannot swim at the moment and we wanted to keep Ryder’s exposure to summer heat to a minimum. It felt so nice to be on the water even though Ryder’s wasn’t a fan of his infant life jacket. Thankfully he thankfully fell asleep quickly and the boat ride was nice and breezy!

By the time we made it home, we were ready for an early lunch and Ryan and Ross grilled up some burgers and we threw together a big salad and paired it with a bunch of fruit for an easy summer lunch.

Leslie and Ross had to hit the road to make the drive back to Florida after lunch on Sunday and though we were sad to say goodbye, we feel so grateful that they were able to take time out of their busy lives to spend a few days with us and meet their new nephew!

My parents are staying with us for a few more days (woop!) and the rest of our Sunday was rather low key. Ryan and my dad went to work out a little after lunchtime while my mom and I began watching Hart of Dixie on Netflix with Ryder while Chase napped. The show isn’t television mastery but it’s cute and entertaining and I have a feeling it might be my new go-to nursing show. (When Chase was a baby I discovered Grey’s Anatomy for the first time and got totally sucked in!) I was pretty tired after a weekend filled with family fun and we were all content to change into our pajamas early and spend the rest of our Sunday around the house.

Our plans for the rest of the week are pretty up in the air but we’re hoping to make it out to a local Fourth of July celebration on Wednesday and Ryder has another pediatric visit on the agenda.

I hope you all have a great week!

[Read More ...] https://www.pbfingers.com/ryder-meets-family/

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

8 TV moms we'd love to have around in real life

Whether they're real or fictional, moms are the greatest.

While biological moms deserve major props for seeing us through our formative years, serving as role models, and literally giving us life, we must never forget all the comfort and wisdom that TV moms bestowed upon us over the years.

SEE ALSO: Best Mother's Day gifts for every kind of mom

Through our television, laptop, and phone screens, we've watched as mothers on our favorite television shows shared relationship, career, and life advice with their on-screen children. We listened to their words, taking them as seriously as we would our own mother's, and grew to love the characters so deeply that we wished they were real people.

From reliable matriarchs like Beth Pearson on This Is Us, to chill best friend types like Gilmore Girls' Lorelai Gilmore, here are eight television moms we'd absolutely love to have around IRL.

1. Beth Pearson, This Is Us

Image: Ron Batzdorff/NBC 

Fans of This Is Us might assume Rebecca Pearson, who raised the beloved "Big Three," would make this list, but now is the time to celebrate Beth.

While Rebecca will always hold a special place in our hearts, Beth Pearson, who's brilliantly portrayed by Susan Kelechi Watson, slays the mom game on a daily basis. Not only does she go above and beyond to take care of her husband and two biological daughters, Tess and Annie, but she extends her affection far beyond her immediate family.

Beth fiercely loves each and every member of her husband Randall's family and does her best to make everyone who enters her home feel as comfortable as possible, all the while remaining chill as hell. And after watching Beth work to connect with and empower her foster daughter, Deja, in Season 2, is there a single soul who didn't wish this mom could pop straight out of the TV screen and give us a hug??? Nope. 

2. Kristina Braverman, Parenthood

Image: Colleen Hayes/NBC

Before This Is Us was to blame for our weekly ugly cry sessions, the heartwarming NBC drama to watch was Parenthood. Though the show was chock full of great moms, looking back, the absolute angel that is Kristina Braverman reigned supreme.

Portrayed by Monica Potter, Kristina proved time and again to be a crucial star of the tight knit Braverman family. As a wife and mother of three — Haddie, Max, and Nora — Kristina handled every situation life threw at her with strength and courage. From taking care of her son with Asperger syndrome, to supporting her daughter’s coming out, and coming to terms with her own breast cancer diagnosis, Kristina was consistently caring and loving — the ultimate supermom.

3. Rainbow Johnson, Black-ish

Image: Kelsey McNeal/ABC via Getty Images

Tracee Ellis Ross shines as Rainbow Johnson on the ABC comedy, Black-ish. When she's not busy being a supportive wife or talented anesthesiologist, Bow is serving up a whole lot of mom realness, parenting her five (yes, FIVE) kids, and working hard to make sure they have better lives than she did growing up.

Tracee has even taken her Golden Globe-winning role to the Black-ish spinoff show Grown-ish, where she visited her oldest daughter Zoey at college to share some invaluable advice about love, sex, and the importance of education. You rock, Rainbow.

4. Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights

Image: Bill Records/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

Friday Night Lights’ Tami Taylor gave the world ultimate #MomGoals. After her husband took on the demanding job of high school football coach, Tami, played by Connie Britton, took over maintaining the house and taking care of their (kinda snotty) teenage daughter, Julie. But she wasn’t about to sacrifice her own dreams of doing more meaningful work in the community.

As a high school guidance counselor and eventually principal, Tami constantly worked to positively impact the school community and encourage students to do their best. She later gave birth to another daughter, Gracie Belle Taylor, and essentially raised her on her own, as her husband and oldest daughter were ~busy~ living their lives. Over the years Tami served as a positive role model for many young women in her life, even helping Tyra and Lyla attend colleges.

She always kept her eyes clear and her heart full, which might explain why she never lost. 😎

5. Mindy Lahiri, The Mindy Project

Image: Jordin Althaus/Universal Television/Hulu

Mindy is fun, fierce, and fashionable, always keeps it real, and is an inspiring and accomplished woman in the workplace. In The Mindy Project we saw her wholeheartedly embrace motherhood and put Leo before herself. But as a mother she also admirably made sure to continue perusing her career goals as an OB/GYN and fertility specialist.

Sure, Mindy isn't always the best mom. I mean, she did accidentally lock her son Leo in the house alone when he was a newborn, and forgot to bring snacks to his school and dressed him in an offensive t-shirt — but hey, we'd still love to have her around.

If Mindy, who also goes by the warrior name Beyoncé Phad Thai, was our mom, there's no doubt we'd always be up-to-date on the latest celebrity gossip, learn a slew of invaluable life hacks, and always have someone to stay in with and watch rom-com marathons.

6. Sheila Hammond, Santa Clarita Diet

Image: netflix

Sheila Hammond is an, uh, different mom, but honestly she handles being undead as well as one could be expected. After learning she's essentially become a zombie, the Santa Clarita Diet mom makes a solid attempt to control her impulses to feast on human flesh so as not to be separated from her family. That's nice! 

Yeah she's slightly terrifying, but she's a confident mother with endless energy and an upbeat attitude. Despite the fact that she's basically half-living, we think having Sheila around would liven things up a little. 

7. Penelope Alvarez, One Day at a Time

Image: Mike Yarish/Netflix

Netflix recently brought the 1970s sitcom One Day at a Time back to life, and with this reboot we were given one of the most badass moms on television.

Justina Machado portrays Penelope Alvarez, an understanding and hard-working nurse, war veteran, and single mother of two, Alex and Elena.

Penelope, who openly suffers from depression and anxiety, isn't afraid to have serious and meaningful discussions related to mental health and other important issues like sexuality, immigration, religion, and more. But she's always down to have fun while inspiring her family.

8. Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

Image: Mitchell Haddad/CBS Photo Archive via Getty Images

Rory Gilmore is perhaps the luckiest daughter to ever exist on television, because her mother and cool as hell best friend just so happened to be the same person. 

While Gilmore Girls was full of complex mother-daughter relationships, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, played by Lauren Graham, was without a doubt the single most impressive mom on the show. She made sacrifice after sacrifice to ensure her daughter was happy, well educated, and had the freedom she felt she never did growing up. She gave great advice about boys, fashion, and food, and was fluent in a language that even the best of moms often fail to master: pop culture. 

And though Lorelai was always encouraging when it came to drinking an extra cup of coffee, lying to get out of dreaded plans, or deviled-egging someone's car, she wasn't afraid to play The Mom Card when necessary, calling Rory out when she made poor decisions — like dropping out of Yale, hooking up with a married man, or stealing a yacht, for example.

Who wouldn't want to hang with Lorelai on a daily basis?

Bonus: Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development

Image: FOX TELEVISION/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK

When you think of an ideal mother your mind probably doesn't jump to Arrested Development's sassy and blunt beyond belief Lucille Bluth. But hear us out — wouldn't it be fun if you got to watch the character, portrayed by Jessica Walter, be someone else's mom?

As Mashable's MJ Franklin explained, Lucille's unconventional approach to motherhood, though sometimes flawed, can certainly teach us a lot. (Not to mention, serve as a quality source of entertainment.) So Lucille, we cordially invite you and your low-key intimidating parenting techniques to join us in the real world to provide laughs and keep us all in check.

Let's here it for the moms, everyone!

Want more clever culture writing beamed directly to your inbox? Sign up here for the twice-weekly Click Click Click newsletter. It's fun – we promise.

WATCH: Jonah Hill and Emma Stone are in a new Netflix show together

[enzaime-blog]

Caitlin’s Brain Tumor Story

New Story has been published on https://enzaime.com/caitlins-brain-tumor-story/

Caitlin’s Brain Tumor Story

Caitlin was diagnosed at the age of three with a central nervous system tumor known as optic pathway glioma behind her left eye. Two years later, the tumor grew and Caitlin was at risk of losing her sight. Her parents sought treatment with the pediatric brain tumor team at Memorial Sloan Kettering, where Caitlin underwent an extensive regimen of chemotherapy.

Caitlin Mullin was born with a cataract, which was screened every three months throughout her young life by a pediatric ophthalmologist at the Mullin’s local hospital on Long Island, New York. During one of these routine screenings, the ophthalmologist noted that Caitlin’s left optic nerve was swollen. Around the same time, she developed trouble with her eyesight and had to start wearing glasses. The doctors explained to her parents, Chrissy and Terence, that there were two possible causes for these developments: it was either an anomaly she had been born with or it was a new growth.

We Were in Shock

“She’d been screened since she was a newborn,” Chrissy says, “so we knew she hadn’t been born with it. Still, I wasn’t that worried. The doctors told us that it could easily go away on its own.” Caitlin was sent for an MRI, the results of which came as a terrible surprise to the Mullins: Caitlin had an optic nerve tumor known as an optic pathway glioma (also called optic nerve glioma) behind her left eye. “We were in shock,” Chrissy recalls.

The doctors at their Long Island hospital recommended that the Mullins schedule an appointment with pediatric neurologist Roger Packer at the Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, DC. After Dr. Packer examined Caitlin, he explained that she was a very unusual case. Such tumors in children can be associated with neurofibromatosis, a genetically inherited disorder in which tumors develop on nerve tissue. But of the seven disease markers that usually go along with neurofibromatosis, Caitlin only had two. Since the tumor did not appear to be life-threatening, Dr. Packer advised the Mullins to watch for any changes in the tumor and in Caitlin’s vision, a process known as active surveillance, rather than to treat it at that time. “We went for a second opinion, which confirmed this advice, so we were all pretty relieved,” Terence explains.

As part of her active surveillance plan, Caitlin received regular eye exams and MRI screening tests — initially every three months, and then, after a year, every six months. There was no sign of tumor progression until June 2008, when the MRI revealed that the tumor had grown.

“Our local doctors told us that the tumor had grown significantly and that we needed to discuss treatment options,” Chrissy remembers. “The way they described it, Caitlin would need to go through 64 weeks of chemotherapy. Her immune system would be compromised, which meant she wouldn’t be able to go to school for that entire period. The picture they painted was pretty scary.”

Caitlin was just five years old at the time, so the Mullins explained everything to her in the gentlest way possible. “She was so young,” Chrissy says. “We told her that she had a lump on her eye and that she would need to get some special medicine to shrink it.”

The nurses are there for you whenever you have a question or a problem. You receive all this love and attentiveness from everyone, which makes you feel like your child is the only kid there.

Chrissy MullinCaitlin’s Mother

A friend of the Mullins had a daughter who had developed a rare cancer of the sympathetic nervous system known as neuroblastoma. Because her daughter had been successfully treated for her cancer at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the girl’s mother suggested that Chrissy bring Caitlin there for a second opinion about treatment options. Chrissy was referred to Memorial Sloan Kettering pediatric oncologist Ira Dunkel, who specializes in the care of children, teenagers, and young adults with brain and eye tumors.

“I called and left a message, and he called me back the very next day,” Chrissy recalls. “I had never met the man before, and he ended up talking with me on the phone for half an hour.”

Going to Memorial

After sending all of Caitlin’s scans, her parents scheduled an appointment for her with Dr. Dunkel’s colleague on the pediatric brain tumor team, pediatric neurologist Yasmin Khakoo. Dr. Khakoo examined Caitlin, reviewed her scans, and agreed that treatment was necessary.

“This sounds stupid,” Chrissy says, “but I initially considered going to our local hospital for the treatment because it was easier logistically than going into Manhattan. But then one of my friends reminded me that we lived 45 minutes from one of the best cancer hospitals in the country. Once I met Dr. Khakoo and the other doctors and saw the facilities, there was no more debate. Caitlin was going to Memorial.”

Caitlin’s treatment started on October 10, 2008, when she had a port surgically placed under the skin in her chest. (A port is a small medical appliance that uses a catheter connected to a vein to allow chemotherapy to be injected into the bloodstream.) Her chemotherapy regimen, which included the drugs vincristine and carboplatin, would last 64 weeks, following a schedule of ten weeks of active treatment followed by two weeks of rest.

During an “on” week, Caitlin would come into the hospital on either a Thursday or Friday to receive her chemo infusion for the week. “Her first day back on treatment after a break was when Caitlin felt the most nauseous,” Chrissy explains. “But they started us on some new antinausea pills that helped. Either way, the nausea went away after about a day or a day and a half, and she was fine the rest of the cycle.”

Before each chemotherapy session, Caitlin had to undergo a neurological examination. “Caitlin was always playing and jumping around during the exam,” Chrissy remembers. “I’d get frustrated and say, ’Caitlin, sit down!’ But at one point, Dr. Gilheeney [pediatric oncologist Stephen Gilheeney was one of the doctors on Caitlin’s treatment team] said to me, ’I know where you’re coming from, but we love this. We don’t get this that often.’”

While the doctors at her local hospital had warned that Caitlin would be unable to attend school during this period, Dr. Khakoo was of a different opinion. “When we asked her about school,” Chrissy remembers, smiling, “Dr. Khakoo’s response was, ’Of course she has to go to school! Why wouldn’t she?’”

64 Weeks

At the beginning of the treatment regimen, Chrissy and Terence Mullin wondered how they would make it through the 64 weeks.

“But the doctors at Memorial and the nurses — especially the nurses — including Caitlin’s favorite, Maureen Higgins, they all made it as comfortable and bearable an experience as possible,” Chrissy explains.

“Maureen is now one of our best friends. She and the rest of the nurses are there for you whenever you have a question or a problem. You receive all this love and attentiveness from everyone, which makes you feel like your child is the only kid there.”

To make the time spent in the hospital go faster, Caitlin liked to keep busy. “There would be two or three hours out of the day that we wouldn’t even see her,” Chrissy says, laughing. “She took a ’tween’ drama class for kids aged eight to 12 … when she was only five. She was always cooking or doing art projects with the child life specialists in the Recreation Center — all while hooked up to her chemo IV pole.”

As often happens, Caitlin experienced some chemotherapy-induced side effects. The first was weakness in one foot caused by neuropathy, a condition of the peripheral nervous system that can cause pain, numbness, and muscle weakness. The second, more obvious side effect was hair loss.

A Touching Show of Support — Bandanas and Baseball Caps for All

“The hair loss started one night when Caitlin was in the bathtub,” Chrissy recalls. “Her hair started falling out in clumps. It really upset her, so I called her teacher, Mrs. Lindner, and told her what had happened and that Caitlin would need to wear a hat to school the next day, which was normally against the school rules.” When Caitlin arrived at St. Francis De Sales in Rockaway, Queens, the next morning, the entire first grade was wearing pink bandanas and baseball caps in a show of support for their classmate after Mrs. Lindner had spent the night calling every family. The Mullins still tear up at the memory of that day. “That’s one of the real pluses with living in a small, close-knit community. We received so much support from our friends and neighbors, and it made all the difference.”

Fortunately for Caitlin, her doctors were able to adjust her medication doses to address the neuropathy, and her hair grew back before the end of her treatment, in November 2009. As hoped, the tumor shrunk back to its original size and, as a result of the treatment, it is no longer growing. And, most importantly, her vision remains unaffected. Caitlin now goes for MRI surveillance every three months.

I have been honored to work with this lovely girl and her family. Without the rest of the team who works in the Pediatric Day Hospital, I could not have provided the level of care that Caitlin received.

Yasmin KhakooPediatric Neurologist/Neuro-oncologist

Looking back, the Mullins are amazed at how their view of treatment changed over time. “It went from being overwhelming in the beginning to just being a normal part of our lives,” Terence says. “I’d go to work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, go to Memorial Sloan Kettering on Thursday, and then go back to work on Friday. When people heard about what we were going through and asked how we managed, the answer was pretty simple: You have no choice. No matter how hard it is, you do whatever’s necessary.”

Caitlin, the Rock Star

“You wouldn’t think it from looking at her, but Caitlin is very tough,” Terence says with pride. “She plays on two weekly soccer teams and performs in a step-dancing troupe, and she never let her treatments stop her from participating in any of them.” The Mullins point to one week in particular as an example of Caitlin’s resilience, when after finishing a chemotherapy treatment on a Friday, she played a soccer game the following day, after waking up in the morning feeling ill. “She woke up sick, but she told us that she wanted to play,” Chrissy marvels. “They had to stop the clock three times for her, but she ended up playing the whole game. Dr. Gilheeney calls her a rock star, and we totally agree.”