#columbina says be gay do crime

[daddycassie]

Oh for the love of Tsaritsa

Arlecchino had been in the kitchen, attempting to cook dinner while holding a napping baby, and trying to get her twins to stop their little scuffle before Lynette started getting bitey.

She heard her phone ringing and picked it up quickly, expecting to hear about her cars extended warranty as she held it to her ear with her shoulder.

“Ah, darling! Hello.”

Arlecchino quickly recognized her lover’s voice. “Bina, where are you?” her eyes narrow at the vegetables in the pan as she mercilessly beats them down with a spoon.

“Oh, yes of course, that’s a very funny story. Would you like to hear it darling?”

Despite the delight in Columbina’s voice she knows this won’t end well. She’d been down this road before. “What did you do?”

“Okay, well I was driving.”

“My car?” Arlecchino feels like she’s about to blow her top as Freminet pulls her ponytail.

“Your car. So I was driving your car, and oh, it was the funniest thing.”

Columbina takes a deep breath and pauses, “That girl you were talking to last night, just so happened to, you know, walk right into my car. Your car. She basically hit me.”

“You hit a pedestrian.” Arlecchino tried to pry Lynette off of Lyney as the little girl hisses, refusing to release her brother’s arm. “For the love of…”

“So what do I do with her body?”

“You KILLED her?!” Lyney runs away, screaming his head off. Arlecchino puts Lynette in air jail.

“Well, mostly.” Columbina’s voice chirps.

“Mostly my ass. Call the police, I’ll deal with you later.” She huffs, she can only hope Columbina makes the right decisions. But then again, she never did.

“Bye bye, I love you.” Her wife chirps.

“Yeah, love you too.” She hangs up.

Note: This came to me in a dream.

I’m thinking of doing x readers if anyone’s interested. My writing isn’t the best, but I will try my best for requests. 😭

[kurtty-drabbles]

Misfit au (meetings)

N/A: Yep, this will be a new au, now, this one will be a bit short as I want to make how Columbina and Creepy meet, and, do I make the "I seek Justice" a subplot? Maybe

@djinmer4 @sailorstar9 @dannybagpipesarecalling @discordsworld @look-ma-no-hands336

The sirens are ringing, as usual, a pink diamond is being held at the Metropolitan Museum of New Gotham and Columbina only smiles as the diamond is present and no security is fit to go against Columbina or prevent her small hands to grab the pink diamond.

She giggles happily as the pink diamond is in her hands. Phasing and gymnastic abilities are perfect for a cat burglar. "A pink diamond in the hand" she speaks and as she is running, well, to be exact, she´s hovering in the air, some cops watch her and once having the proof Kitty is intangible, call to commiserate Gordon.

Meanwhile, Columbina is moving to the Penthouse area and is giggling happily, however, once again someone is watching the figure. Dark Claw was having a low night, almost returning back home, but, now that Columbina is doing her schemes, the man should go against her.

"You know what? I´ll call him, this is his area of expertise" Dark Claw send an auto-message to his ally "after all, he loves blondes" Dark Claw speaks as Columbina´s wig still give the impression that she a blonde, but, Dark Claw know many villains and villainess use wigs in this ...so called profession.

The woman is on a balcony as gazing at Emma Gay for a moment, the blonde woman is not happy to see the clow woman as her sneer increase. "Leave or I´ll call the police"

"Sure, sure," Columbina speaks with her fake accent and adjust herself to show the diamond better "you better do call, because, then we can figure it out why the diamond in the museum is fake and why you have the real version?" Kitty crushes the diamond with a glee in her eyes and now, slowly, Emma puts her phone down "Frosty can´t resist a pink diamond, and the police wants to arrest anyone for that crime...imagine that"

Emma sneers at Columbina. "Are you being petty?" and adds in her snobbish way "the clow girl is trying to take down the Queen?"

Columbina shakes her head, in a rather comical way. "No, I just want to mess around with a dumbass" Columbina replies easily and Emma is ready to take her whip, sadly, the real blonde didn´t remember Columbina´s power so the whip is pointless.

"When you see a Queen for me to take down, let me know, ok? Frosty, oh, words of advice" she smiles childishly now "don´t mess with me unless you are ready to burn" she is flying now.

Emma is now screaming at the top of her lungs. "Columbina! I´ll get you" she is screaming and many neighbours are telling Emma to be quiet, meanwhile, Columbina just shouts back "Do you want to tell the world your secret? Miss Gay"

And now Emma Gay is dumbfounded. Columbina is her new nemesis and she will destroy her. (Emma Gay knows New Gotham has space for only one burglar and isn´t Columbina)

As she´s flying around thinking how the museum will deal with this new situation, the blame will go on her, but, the museum can also activate the insurance and get millions.

"Oh, the woes of being an agent of insurance. Must be a really, really crazy job here" Columbina speaks to herself, but, someone seems to join the conversation.

"I´d agree and I know a thing about crazy." A man covered in green fur and wearing something Jojo Bizarre adventure would be proud waves his tail (of course, he has a tail) as a big grin meet on his face. "And who are you, fraun?"

"German?" Columbina speaks, still with her fake accent, and the man seems to found the answer worth to laugh maniacally, somehow, Columbina is not afraid.

"You´re not really from Germany, uhm, in fact, you don´t seem to be from Australia either" the green fur man speaks pondering for a mere second, and Columbina likes to think her impression of accents is improving if people are being able to place a country on the accent. "what´s your name?"

"Don´t be creepy, you should introduce yourself first before asking for a woman´s name" Kitty speaks crossing her arms. The green fur man giggles amused and didn´t let that stop him. "Is Nightcreepr, actually, now, what´s your name?"

Kitty pouts for a moment, the man is clearly crazy, but hey, Columbina had a crazy life and besides, life is a comedy. "The name is Columbina"

"Not German?" he asked giggling madly at this. Columbina pouts at this. "No, not German, and what are you doing here? Wanna steal something?"

"Oh, Madchen, I would rather steal you"

"Lame pick-up, dude, and I've got a hammer"

And soon, her night was not lonely anymore as Nightcreeper makes sure of it, overall, he´s not that bad, but, the man is clearly crazy, but, not a  bad companion.

On the next day, Kitty Pryde is on the elevator, she has to shoot a new episode of Sketch TV, however, the woman is a bit tired as she did spend too much time with Creepy and didn´t manage to steal thanks for that.

The woman let a yawn and when she opens her eyes, Kurt Ryder, from the Gotham News, is there with her. "Guten Tag, Miss Pryde"

Kitty blinks. "Oh, you´re wrong" she points at him comically and he just chuckles. "Sorry, I´m a bit sleepy, and, you´re that guy from You´re wrong"

"Well, you´re right," he said looking at her chestnut hair tied up in a bun, her pink lips, her red outfit, and a sleepy face, it is a rather cute expression, he has to admit. "rough night?"

"Well, I meet someone last night, the guy is fun, a bit crazy here and there, but, hey, we´re all a bit crazy sometimes" Kitty explained as the elevator is still on the second floor, Kitty has to go to the fourth floor. Kurt Ryder smiles at that.

"I see, well, if you need coffee, the cafeteria has a new machine" he offers gentle, and Kitty refuses saying she already take a nice cup of coffee. "What I need is to do my work and laugh" she speaks as now the elevator is on the fourth floor. "And you, keep doing the real journalism...people don´t really get that my show is a comedy, not a real journalistic show"

Kurt Ryder is smiled as he has to go to the fifth floor. Kitty Pryde is really cute and is cuter without the fake accent.