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bennymiles · 5 years ago

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The year is 2019

An era of antiquity. The first ferret wars and the TUAEG oppression of OGPosting niblings took place. Unkle Adams was at the pinnacle of his power. Having decimated the entire ferret nation of Utah in retaliation for orchestrating penguin attacks on Unk and his queen Babema, only one ferret survived - Colby the Ferret. But Colby was a prophetic ferret. He knew that Unkle Adams had enemies who could destroy the entire planet. During the same timeline, the precious lore items and artifacts were stolen away from Unk's unrequited OGposting niblings, who were forced to live a life of destitution. Despite the suffering inflicted by Unkle Adams upon all niblings, his delusional narcissism, hedonistic tendencies for going on raw benders and a tempestuous feet sniffing addiction, Colby believed Unkle Adams could defeat two of the planet's biggest threats: the dreaded white supremacists Cleetus and Tom MacDonald.

Cleetus is the little brother of Unkle Adams, both being the sons of the same goblin father who sold their souls to the goblin gods for a lifetime supply of free Tim Hortons stepped tea served with a side of infamous goblin delicacy, the Pæ Wørtër™. They grew up in Regina, the goblin province of Saskatchewan. It is often believed that Cleetus was self-indoctrinated into white supremacy when he was at least a million seconds old. They were best buddies growing up, sodomizing every wives they could. This brotherhood seemed eternal until something eerie happened in 2017

Cleetus was punished by Unkle Adams for doing 10 KKK shows in an hour and burning all of his omelettes, causing an egg crisis throughout Regina. When Cleetus found out that Unkle Adams had written the prophecy to "Change the World" and "Die One Day", by collaborating with his special minority friends, Cleetus felt betrayed. Also, in his "At Least A Million" memoir, Unkle Adams accused Cleetus of being a white supremacist and told his loyal follwers to understand that it was NOT him that caused the genocide of the Australian aboriginals. Cleetus vowed revenge on Unkle Adams. He began plotting the entire takeover of earth and establishing it as a single universal white ethnostate.

Fast forward to 2030. At the top of the huge monolithic tower of what used to be the headquarters of The Unkle Adams Entertainment Group in Regina, sits Cleetus and Tom MacDonald. Being enthroned as the corporate rulers of the entire white planet ethnostate now under "The Hangover Corporation", they annihilated everybody except the loyal supporters of Tom, the truest whiteboys who were oppressed by the libtards for centuries. Only a handful of niblings and Colby managed to survive by escaping earth using the magic kangaROOS light-up flying shoes. They decided to take refuge in Mars. When they landed there, the surface was moist and red. They slowly began to sink under it but were saved and held under captivity by the local Martian police. When they were interrogated, the cop called the administrator of the Martian regime to check out the niblings. When the administrator approached the door of the prison cell, the niblings heard something familiar. The guards were singing an historic song about being original. When the administrator finally arrived, the niblings were dead shocked. Silence ensued for five minutes because the administrator was none other than the Nephilim lord Thomas James Arelis Carpenter aka TJAC, who escaped earth before the niblings. In this short time, TJAC managed to not only colonize mars, but also turned all Martians into his slaves, now called the #tjacarmy

TJAC stared at them with an evil sadistic grin and repeatedly started saying "Unkle Adams" while performing pull-ups on the prison cell top bar. When Colby reminded him that Cleetus and Tom MacDonald were ruling the earth, TJAC was filled with rage. He led all the niblings into his secret dungeon, where he showed them a cryogenic tank. The niblings were shocked to see Unkle Adams in it. TJAC told them that he had been waiting for them to come so that the #tjacarmy can launch an attack on The Hangover Corporation. Unkle Adams was finally defrosted. When he woke up, he was mumbling incoherently about feeling inspired. He became appalled by the presence of fellow niblings at first but understood everything later. Unkle Adams offered them help but only if he gets to smell Babema's feet. TJAC told Unk that he forgot to save Babema but instead, he saved Jared Robinson, unfreezing him. Unk was more than happy to smell Jared's feet and thus, the fight to save planet earth began.

The time had come to strike. The #tjacarmy launched an earth invasion and began to attack HOGC target sites in full force but were instantly destroyed by Tom's air force. Unk wore his nibling's precious kangaROOS lightup shoes, ate the highly nutritious Nephilim beef lasagna soup and went to battle with Tom's airforce. He destroyed all the aircrafts in mid-air and landed on the roof of the monolith. When Cleetus came to fight him, Unk suddently pondered the techniques of Mistress Miranda and managed to torture Cleetus' cock and balls so hard that he fell dow the tower and died. Tom MacDonald was enraged. But before Tom could do anything, Unkle Adams showed all the HOG worshippers the album artwork of "If I Was Black", which proved that Tom MacDonald was a fraud. When his true colors were revealed, Tom said that he was a social experiment conducted by Harvard. The HOG worshippers were so hurt that they dispersed and were reduced to crystal meth, along with Tom. Unkle Adams then took the mic and started rapping "This is for my nation, this is innovation This is demonstration of the dedication, I can put in place when I am feelin’ patient, I torch beats like the burners on my space sh..."- before he could continue, Jared interrupted Unk and told him that he needs to record a new song, since his rap was ages old. Jared managed to milk out at least a million dollars from Unk and increased his debt to $1,227,000. The new track is called Original 69. As soon as Unk finished rapping the verses of his new song, a bald vegan demon ascended from hell and gave the song a NOT GOOD rating. Tears rolled down Unk's cheeks as he started running away. "Hey Adam, where are you going?" asked Nichole. "Vietnam. I have been drafted" replied Unkle Adams, never to be seen again.

#unkle adams #colby ferrin #tjac #tim hortons

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