#clexa angst

[bigg1999]

“You’re really doing this?” Abby questions, surprised as she comes into the house, and finds Clarke on the couch.

“You’re the one who set it up, why are you acting so weird about it?” Clarke questions, knowing exactly what she’s referring to as she runs a hand through her hair.

“I expected you to go to dinner and do something stupid. I didn’t think you’d really get married to some random girl you hardly know,” Abby answers honestly.

Clarke shrugs, shoveling in another handful of popcorn.

“Why would she want to marry you?”

“Geez mom, way to help with my self-confidence,” Clarke deadpans, rolling her eyes.

Screw Stardust

[neyantkomskaikru]

Clarke: “I don’t want the next commander, I want you.”

And in that moment you can see Lexa’s heart breaking again, knowing that this is the one thing she cannot give Clarke.

She relishes in the touch of her lover, only mere hours ago were they pressed against each other, yesterday’s hopeful prayer of “not yet” had turned into “I can’t pretend any longer that I don’t love you”

And with her last breath, she kissed Clarke, letting go of the girl who had grown to mean everything to her, only letting go with the hopeful promise that her sacred vow to Clarke would be left unbroken

-Scene-

[butmakeitgayblog]

Also since we're here, i wanted to know your take one their final kiss (and posible prior ones) though since this one-shot will be smutty i guess you don't think this way but.

I've been seen a lot of people on (im so sorry) tiktok saying that rio stopped agatha from kissing her on episode...4(?) When she told her teen wasn't nicky bc she knew that her kiss would kill agatha, since the last one was the kiss of death, but I don't think every kiss of rio would be of death, y'know

So i guess my question is, do you think all of rio's kisses are the kiss of death, or just the final one in particular bc of the context?

Ok see this is yet another reason why we never 👏 listen 👏 to 👏 people 👏 on 👏 tiktok!

No, absolutely not. Rio didn't want Agatha to kiss her on The Road when she knew she was so emotionally uneven and just searching for some comfort. Not because she didn't want to give her comfort, but because she knew Agatha was not in the right frame of mind. Agatha, who is so strong and so willful and so independent, in that moment? Was barely hanging on by a thread. She was arguing with herself as to whether the twink Teen was Nicky and Rio could not have their first kiss after so long and so many fights be... that.

It had nothing to do with killing her. When you love someone, you don't take advantage of their vulnerability. So, she didn't.

What happened in the backyard after their fight was not Rio giving the kiss of death, it was Agatha using her succubus powers to take Rio's power, which she said from the beginning would kill her. She was actively drawing in the power and energy of death to poison herself. And Rio, god bless her black beating heart, realized what was happening and folded into it every bit as much as Agatha did.

Because they both realized it would be their last kiss. Not the first and only, but rather the last in several lifetimes worth of kisses. It was the crescendo of their love on this plain of existence, pouring themselves into the desperation of getting one final moment of each other. It was every kiss they'd not allowed themselves in all the years between Nicky and then. It was every kiss they'd shared in the shadows and along the riverbanks before everything fell apart, like it always so torturously does for them.

It was both of them saying 'if these are our final moments together, I want them spent knowing nothing but the taste and feel of you, my love... Because it's always been you.'

To even fathom that the way those two completely melted into each other and ebbed and flowed in the rhythm of that kiss was somehow the first time they'd been together is just... I'm sorry but it's naive. I'll say it! They knew the rhythm of each other's bodies and the exact slant of the other's lips. The give and take of breath, how their every muscle moved and hand caressed in a centuries old dance between them.

That was not the kiss of new loves mourning what could have been, but rather two lovers saying goodbye to a lifetime of never quite figuring out how to love each other more gently.

[heda-in-the-clouds]

Here's a fluffy and cute story about how yoga!Lexa and surfer!Clarke met Fish the puppy. The lovely and amazingly talented @lexa-griffins drew this sketch of Lexa holding Fish for me. She's the absolute best beta I could have asked for

That's not a fish

Lexa dug her toes into the cold sand that morning as the early sunrise gently warmed her skin. She and Clarke were just a couple of days into their two week road trip for the summer.

After their passionate night under the stars, she decided to let Clarke sleep some more that morning. A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled last night's events.

The beach parking lot was empty which allowed them to open their van's backdoor and watch the sunset as they made love with each other. They were finally free to moan and scream out their pleasures that were only drowned out by the crashing waves.

Clarke took her from behind as they watched the sunset over the calm horizon. The dying rays of light warmed her skin while Clarke's vigorous thrusts warmed her core. As the waves pounded the beach, Clarke pounded into her. She felt every push and pull of Clarke's strokes like the ocean's tide. The waves crashing into the beach left the sand wet just like how Clarke's thrusts left her wet.

She finally saw a brilliant explosion of color in her eyes as she climaxed. She couldn't tell if it was the plethora of colors from the sunset or her powerful orgasm blinding her. She didn't care as Clarke filled her.

Lexa snapped herself free from her memory when she felt her yoga shorts getting wet. It was too early to be getting those thoughts and she didn't pack nearly enough underwear.

She needed to cool down and focus her thoughts. She pulled out her yoga mat, laid it down on the cool sand, and started her early morning yoga routine. She went through her usual motions and gracefully held and transitioned between her favorite poses.

She got into a downward dog, closed her eyes, and meditated to clear her mind. As she meditated, she suddenly felt something wet licking her face. Opening her eyes, she was greeted by the sight of an adorable golden retriever puppy watching her curiously. She couldn't help but smile and gush at her new fluffy companion.

"Bark." The puppy playfully barked when Lexa smiled at him.

"What's your name cutie? I'm Lexa." She cheerfully asked as she continued holding her form.

"Bark bark." The puppy continued barking at his new friend.

"It's so nice to meet you 'Bark bark.' You're just the cutest thing aren't you?" Lexa lovingly blurted out.

The puppy bashfully tilted his head, looked down, and dug his tiny paw into the sand after hearing Lexa's compliment. The puppy then began prancing around hoping Lexa would stop whatever she's doing and play with him. Lexa couldn't help but grin at this fluffy bundle of joy.

The puppy then arched his back and leaned forward as he tried to copy Lexa's pose. She giggled when his floppy ears covered his eyes causing him to roll over onto his back and let out soft whimpers. Lexa quickly got out of downward dog, sat down and reached for him.

"I guess I'm done with yoga for today. It's okay puppy. You're alright. I'm here." Lexa soothed her new companion as she rubbed his belly. He gave her an appreciative bark.

"Yoga isn't for everyone. You should meet Clarke. She's really bad at yoga too." Lexa chuckled when the puppy tilted his head at her as if he could understand her.

Seeing a new place to sit, the puppy waddled over and climbed over her legs. He spun around in a couple of circles before clumsily plopping himself down onto her lap. He nuzzled into her stomach hoping to warm himself up. Lexa just beamed and gushed when the puppy finally settled himself into her lap.

"What are you doing all out here by yourself buddy? Do you belong to anyone?" Lexa asked as she rubbed the puppy's head and scratched his ears.

"Ow ow." The puppy whined which sounded like a 'No' to Lexa's ears. She then checked his collar for any tags but couldn't find any. She knew the beach was empty last night and this morning so she figured he was a stray.

"Well, you're sticking with me now. How do you like that?"

"Awoo" The puppy adorably howled and wagged his tail after hearing the good news. He then climbed onto Lexa's chest and began smothering her face with wet kisses using his tongue. Lexa giggled and laughed as her new friend gave her an early morning bath.

"I guess that's a yes puppy. I just gotta give you a name first. I can't keep calling you puppy."

The puppy then stopped lapping Lexa's face with his tongue and patiently stared at her.

"Mhm, what about Fish? We found you at the beach and my girlfriend is a marine biologist and crazy about them. What do you say Fish?"

"Awooooooo!" The puppy gleefully howled and smothered Lexa with even more kisses.

"Okay Fish. Stop. Let's go and show you off to Clarke." Lexa pleaded as she pulled Fish off her and set him down so she could roll up her yoga mat.

Fish bounced excitedly as he waited for her. Once she was done, she beckoned Fish to follow her up the trail to their van. Fish happily barked as he weaved between her legs during their walk.

As Lexa got closer to their van, she noticed that Clarke was already up. Her feet were hanging over the edge as she probably sipped her morning cocoa. Wanting to surprise her girlfriend, Lexa bent down so she could talk to Fish.

"Okay Fish. Are we ready to meet Clarke? She's so gonna love you. I mean how can she not with your big floppy ears, adorable brown eyes, and warm fluffy fur that's the same color as her hair." Lexa gently patted his head and rubbed behind his ears.

"Bark!"

"Shh! Don't want to ruin the secret just yet." Lexa grinned as she zipped her lips with her finger.

Fish stuck out his tongue which seemed like an 'Ok' to Lexa. She then gestured for him to wait there so he was out of sight. He bobbed his head up and down. Lexa smiled and silently told herself that Fish was already so smart.

Lexa then walked to the back of the van where she saw Clarke drowsily drinking her morning cocoa with her eyes still closed and their blanket wrapped tightly around her.

Sensing Lexa was near, Clarke immediately opened the blanket and her legs.

"Come on babe. It's cold. I need my girlfriend to warm me up." Clarke groggily uttered when she felt the cool ocean breeze penetrate her warm blanket fortress.

Lexa quickly stepped inside and between Clarke's legs. Clarke immediately pulled her in close and wrapped the blanket tight around them. They both leaned into each other and softly kissed. Clarke's hummed at the subtle taste of salt on Lexa's cold lips. Lexa moaned as she tasted the sweet chocolate on Clarke's warm lips.

"Morning love." They both greeted each other once they broke their kiss but still nuzzled their noses together.

"I missed you this morning. In fact, we missed you this morning." Clarke softly whispered to Lexa's ear.

"We?" Lexa furrowed her eyebrows.

Clarke pulled Lexa in closer with her legs and smirked into her neck when Lexa felt her hard against her shorts.

"I was hoping we could pick up where we left off last night. Since we fucked in front of the sunset, I wanted to go full circle and fuck you in front of the sunrise." Clarke murmured into Lexa's neck.

"Clarke you dog!" Lexa playfully slapped her girlfriend's chest. She suddenly heard Fish's tiny whimper next to her. He had inadvertently walked up to her after hearing the word dog.

"I'm sorry babe but you looked so peaceful this morning that I didn't want to wake you. It looked like you could use the extra rest." Lexa apologized.

"Besides, we still have plenty of more beaches to visit on our road trip. You have more chances to fuck me in front of a sunrise or sunset." Lexa reassured.

"All is forgiven babe. Now that you're here, what do you say about a morning quickie? I could use one to start the day and get my blood flowing. I felt your shorts and they're already wet." Clarke cheekily grinned as she rubbed Lexa's sides and began dipping her fingers into her yoga shorts.

"Claaarke. Wait, I have to show you something first and promise you won't freak out." Lexa uttered before she gave into Clarke's proposal for a quickie.

"Umm, ok. What is it Lexa?" Clarke inquired as she stopped squeezing her girlfriend's ass and let her go.

"Wait here. You're gonna love this surprise." Lexa then walked to the side of their van and picked up Fish who started licking her hands, eager for attention.

"Ready boy?"

"Bark!"

Lexa walked back to Clarke, cradling Fish in her arms.

"Meet Fish!" Lexa excitedly squealed as she shoved her puppy into Clarke's face.

"That is a dog." Clarke countered with a confused expression.

"Yeah, Fish." Lexa grinned as she began to rock Fish in her arms so his floppy ears began waving around.

"Bark bark bark" Fish happily barked at Clarke.

"You named the puppy Fish?" Clarke asked as she sat perplexed in the van as Lexa danced happily with Fish in front of her.

"Yeah, he's ours. I found him all alone this morning while I was doing yoga. He has no tag and there was no one else on the beach either last night or this morning so he must be a stray. We're adopting him because we can't just leave him all by himself here. He needs a family. Also, I named him Fish well because I found him at the beach and you like fish because you're a marine biologist so I put two and two together and ta-da, I came up with Fish. Look Clarke, he's so fluffy!!!!" Lexa breathlessly spoke before she shoved Fish directly in front of Clarke's face who was still processing in all the new information.

"Ours?" Clarke gulped nervously as four eyes stared longingly at her. Fish's tiny brown eyes watered as he let out an adorable yawn. Lexa's soft green irises begged as she pouted her lips.

"Ok, fine. We can keep Fish." Clarke finally gave in after she was overcome with emotions at how soft and cute Lexa looked holding her fluffy Fish in her arms.

"Awooooo!" Fish happily howled as he wiggled in Lexa's arms.

"Yay!!! Thank you babe! I love you. We love you don't we Fish? Fish say thank you to Clarke." Lexa gleefully squealed.

Suddenly, Clarke felt Fish's wet tongue slobbering all over her face as Lexa laughed hysterically in the background.

"Okay, I think Fish has said enough thank you's to me already babe." Clarke panted out as she tried to avoid Fish's tongue.

"Um Clarke?" Lexa shyly asked after she pulled Fish away from Clarke's now drool covered face.

"Yes love?" Clarke calmly responded as she wiped off Fish's drool from her face using their blanket.

"How do you take care of a dog? I've never had a pet before." Lexa quietly confessed.

Clarke groaned and sighed. This was going to be a long road trip.

[azazellart]

The Commanders' Death

a/n: is the The 100 fandom still alive? Also consider this angst clexa lesbian fanart as my contribution for pride month <3 I also opened my shop, feel free to check it ou :)

[audi0med1c]

Teaser for my Clexa Celebrity AU “Is It Over Now?”

If you’ve been following these messy idiots, we’ve waited quite a long time for them to come face to face again….

(play with sound bc the song hits so hard for these two’s struggle post-breakup🥺)

[procrastinationstation101]

Summary: a little bit of angst and a little bit of progress.

[broodpuff]

most angsty fic you’ve ever read, GO

[raccoonhearteyes]

Part I  | Part II  | Part III | Part IV  | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV

Read on AO3

Epilogue��

March 11th, 2019

“So you’re the girl Clarke has been hiding all these months. It’s great to finally meet you!” Octavia sweeps Lexa into a hug, welcoming her into their home. 

It’s not the first time they’ve met. They’ve actually met several times since Clarke came knocking on her door back in January. But each time, Octavia forgets. Each time, she’s greeted anew. 

Clarke squeezes her thigh under the table, a soft apology for the repetition. They haven’t quite navigated how they’ll deal with this as more and more time passes. Not meeting the new girlfriend when it’s only been a handful of months is reasonable. What happens when it’s years? A decade?

June 12th, 2020

Clarke has a second exhibit of Lexa portraits. 

Lexa grabs a glass from a nearby tray, and sits back to watch her girlfriend work. She loves watching Clarke talk about a piece, the way her eyes light up, the way she moves her hands to show what she was talking about. 

She watches the one person who remembers her listen to and answer questions from some buyer on the other side of the gallery. She looks good, all business focused. This is the same girl who sprinkles cinnamon in her tea, koalas around a warm body in bed, paints Lexa and only Lexa. She’s suddenly struck by just how much she loves this girl. How much happier she has been since watching her stuff appetizers into her purse at some event two years ago. 

By the time Lexa makes it to Clarke, the evening is winding down. 

“How did you like it?” 

“Looking at a room full of my own nudes? It’s a real ego boost,” Lexa jokes, “But seriously. I love it. Even better than the last one. I’m so proud of you, Clarke.”

“Is it weird for you? Coming in on my arm and having no one remember meeting you before?” 

“It is, but I like seeing you work. I like being able to come support you. It’s worth it.” She brushes a lock of hair behind Clarke’s ear and kisses her cheek. 

They’re walking home in the dark, fingers tangled, still buzzing from the excitement of the evening, when a shadow appears from an alleyway. They both think they’re about to be mugged, before they realize they recognize the shadowy figure. 

Lexa steps protectively in front of Clarke.

“You shouldn’t be able to do this,” he sneers, “Your art was mine in our deal.”

“I asked for her in every capacity. That included my art, apparently,” Clarke flaunts, “Careful with your wording next time, dearie,” she parrots the words he used against Lexa so many times back to him.

His eyes glow red again, fuming with anger. He steps closer to Lexa, staring her down, then snaps his fingers, and disappears. 

They both check themselves over again to make sure they’re not hurt. He’s just as bound to his contracts as they are, but he did something, they’re just not sure what. 

Later that evening, Lexa finds her first gray hair, and smiles. He restarted her aging. He’s going to be so angry when he realizes that makes things easier for her.

October 8th, 2020

Clarke has a ring box in her sock drawer. She’s had it for months, but she cannot fathom leaving it there any longer or she’s going to explode. Sometimes she looks at Lexa and her heart feels like it is about to pound out of her chest. She thought you were supposed to grow out of that after dating for so long. Apparently not. 

Being in love used to mystify her. She used to worry about the other shoe dropping. Too afraid to give someone else so much of her heart and trust them not to break it. But she looks at Lexa and all of those worries disappear. She looks at Lexa and sees the woman she’ll grow old with. The fact that that doesn’t terrify her terrifies her. 

She probably should have hidden it somewhere less cliche. She doesn’t even think about it when she tells Lexa to grab a pair of her fuzzy socks from her drawer when she complains of chilly feet. 

When Lexa emerges from the bedroom clutching that not-so-well-hidden box moments later, Clarke’s brain kicks into overdrive. 

“Clarke, what’s this?” Lexa asks.

“Shit, you weren’t supposed to find it like this,” Clarke decides now is as good a time as any. She really should have rehearsed this, written something down maybe. She scrambles to take the box from Lexa’s hands, “Lexa, I have loved you since before I could remember. Literally. We met dozens of times, and each time was new, and each time I fell for you. Even though I couldn’t remember you, I had this gut feeling, this wrenching feeling that I was missing something because I was. I was missing you. You complete me. You make me a better artist. A better person, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” 

If comes out as a jumble of words, all tripping out of Clarke’s mouth at once, but she bends down on one knee, looks up earnestly at Lexa, and opens the box. 

Lexa’s eyes look watery, and then she says the last thing Clarke expected, “Clarke, I can’t,” and Clarke feels like all of the air was sucked out of her lungs. Oh god. Has she misread this the whole time? Clarke stumbles and she snaps the box closed and moves to stand, when Lexa’s words seem to catch up to her own brain. 

“Wait, that didn’t come out right. I would love to, but I can’t.” 

Clarke’s lip wobbles, “That really doesn’t sound any different.” 

“Clarke, my name can’t be on a marriage license. You literally can’t marry me. Your friends and family don’t remember meeting me. How would that even work?”

“It’s not for them. Or the state. It’s for me. And you. It’s for us. Of course I know your name can’t go on a license. I know I reintroduce people to you regularly. The point is that I love you, and I want to be able to call you my wife, even if we do a ceremony of just us in our pajamas at home.” 

“Oh,” Lexa softens, she blushes a beet red and shuffles a bit in her borrowed fuzzy socks, “Is it too late to change my answer then?” 

Clarke slips the ring out of the box and places it on Lexa’s finger. Her eyes are misty and her smile is so bright she can’t help but taste it, but not before whispering, “so stupid” in the space between them first. 

They wear dresses and buy rings and a cake the next month. Saying vows in front of Clarke’s childhood stuffed animal that sits on the shelf in the living room.

September 5th, 2034

By Clarke’s fourth show, she’s earned herself quite the reputation. She’s famous for her portraits, all of the same woman. Only of this same woman. Art critics call her Clarke’s “Secret Muse.” They write essays about how no one has ever met her. There’s speculation of if she’s real or just a figment of Clarke’s creativity. 

“Listen to this one,” Lexa calls from the couch, "As I stand under the largest piece of Ms. Griffin's latest tantalizing exhibition, aptly named, Stranger in Plain Sight, it is hard not to feel as though I should know this woman beyond the void of mere charcoal and bristle. Beyond the beauty and whimsy of such an elusive muse; an ethereal kind of elegance painted in what can only be described as liminal glimpses into her soul. Each canvas serves as a piece of the greater puzzle, an obscure abstraction dangling on Ms. Griffin's ever elusive string, one that makes this particular viewer yearn for the surely sublime knowledge of even knowing this subject's name," Lexa reads with a snort while sitting in a ripped pair of boxers and a T-shirt with a coffee stain. "But, dear reader, I can say with confidence such a void remains between artist and ardent viewer. Where Ms. Griffin has seemingly left no stone unturned with her muse, alas, we woeful patrons are condemned to collect her only in brushstrokes, and the most verdant hues of green."

Clarke giggles from the kitchen table, “It’ll never get old that you have met half of these people and they’re still completely unaware. You shook her hand last year at the Met for god’s sake!” 

“They haven’t made deals with the devil, don’t judge them!” Lexa sassing back. 

There are rumors about why Clarke wears a wedding ring. If the mystery spouse has been the muse all along. Interviewers frequently ask why they aren’t present, and Clarke just answers with a knowing smirk, usually with Lexa on her arm, or at the very least making eye-contact with her across the room.

The mystery adds to the value. 

May 5th 2088 

By the time they’re old and gray, there are hundreds of portraits of Lexa. Her life is captured in glimpses and pieces on canvas. It is the only mark she is able to leave in the world. Lexa feels like every bit of her soul has truly been seen by the world, whether they know it or not. Clarke leaves a big enough mark on the world for both of them.  

In her old age, Clarke begins to forget things. She’ll forget where she is, if she’s taken her pills, the directions to the drugstore. But she never forgets Lexa. Sometimes she’s confused in time, lost back somewhere in her twenties when she sees a painting of Lexa done in their youth.

“That’s my wife, you know,” Clarke says. 

Lexa answers with a fond smile, “Yes, love, I know.” She kisses a wrinkled hand. 

When Clarke passes at 88 years old, Lexa knows for certain that Clarke was the best part of her life, and with her mark in the world irrevocably there, she lets the darkness take her soul. 

[lexa-griffins]

You said that Alycia yelling gifs reminded you of post miscarriage farm Lexa. Care to share?

Right before they reach the end of their rope and Clarke gets Lexa in therapy by force, they have a fight - honestly it might be THE fight of their relationship. It had reached a point where both of them thought that maybe this was it for their marriage.

Lexa reached a point in her grief that seeing Clarke be the mom that is laughing and trying to make sure their kids are fine almost as a betrayal because Lexa is still grieving so hard and in her eyes it's like Clarke doesn't even care about the fact they lost a baby. And Lexa hates herself even harder for feeling like this because she knows Clarke is trying to keep their family together and functional but at the same time it feels like a reflection of Lexa's lack of ability to not be constantly suffering because of her miscarriage. She carried twins two years ago, had another two healthy and successful pregnancies before that and the blame for being unable to carry this one and being unable to care for her kids are eating her alive and turning it into anger towards the world and Clarke - something she had never, ever felt before, she had never blamed Clarke for anything that had gone wrong in their life.

One day, around maybe 2 months after the miscarriage, Lexa finds the energy to help Clarke clean up the kitchen after the kids have gone to bed. It feels almost normal again for a minute there, Clarke has this small smile on her face being able to just have this time with her wife again and then she talks. And Lexa doesn't know if its the fact Clarke talks about how Madi's teacher complimented her work on a project Lexa didn't even know she had been assigned, or the fact Clarke sounds so happy when she talks or maybe she just needed something to be her tipping point, but she's yelling - asking if Clarke is calling her a bad parent, why won't Clarke cry the same she does, how does Clarke not feel as empty with this as she does. It's unfair that Lexa feels so alone in this pain that is now the only thing that attacks her thoughts. How is Clarke able to move on and Lexa has to be alone with the guilt and grief of losing their baby and not being capable of caring for her other kids?! Does Clarke blame her as much as she blames herself for this?

And Clarke has been so patient; she's been avoiding making Lexa feel like she is letting their kids down or that she needs help but Lexa isn't sleeping or eating, she barely talks at all and Saige as even asked Clarke if they are ever gonna have mommy back again - and she's 4! She tries to calm Lexa down at first but when Lexa accuses her of not caring for the baby they lost she loses it and yells back, because she has been burying her grief as she tries to take care of everything around the farm, trying to be everyone's rock and the one they can't count on because she knew Lexa would need the time to process the miscarriage but now it's been weeks and she has not been allowed to grief yet because if she does who is gonna take care of their kids?! How does Lexa want her to even cry when she has the twins clinging to her because they are so young and their mommy suddenly vanished emotionally for them?

It's the very first time Clarke ever leaves the house after getting this mad. She just grabs the truck keys and leaves. It's also the first night in weeks Lexa spends more worried about where Clarke might be than being swallowed alive by her own grief.

Lexa wakes up the next day scared Clarke wont be home yet and terrified she might be because Lexa cannot see a way out of this. They spent so many years building a home and a family and this might be it for them. She expects Clarke to not speak to her, maybe serve her divorce papers and leave with the kids. But when she gets down to the kitchen, the dishes they didn't finish last night neatly put away, she finds Clarke pouring herself a cup of coffee. Her face is puffy and she has dark circles around her eyes but the determination on her face nearly makes Lexa cry - yup, this is it for them, she's sure of it. When Clarke sees her she asks her to sit. She doesn't smile but there is warmth in her voice that makes Lexa do as she asks. With a cup of tea in front of her - green and steeped to perfection as Clarke always manages to - Lexa stares at the papers Clarke put in front of her.

She shakes her head no.

"It's for the best Lexa."

"I will not sign this Clarke."

"Grief therapy is the bes-"

"I don't need therapy." Lexa states. It's a final.

Clarke tenses her jaw for a second, releasing it just a moment later with a deep breath. She knew it would not be something that Lexa would agree to easily but after a late night talk with Anya and her mom, they both agreed to help if it came to it.

"Yes you do Lexa. What you are going through right now is not healthy."

"I am grieving the lost of a child Clarke." Lexa is becoming tense and Clarke can almost see her defenses going up. There is a million things Clarke could say, remind her the baby they lost was not a child yet, not the same way their children are, the ones who are living and breathing and need their mother. Tell her how everyone is worried about her, how much weight she's lost in such a short time, how she does little more than stare at the wall in their room they have repainted every time they are expecting a new baby.

Instead, she chocks back a cry, "Lexa... we need you here with us."

"I am here." Lexa all but whispers. Isn't she? She hasn't left.

This time, Clarke lets the tears flow, "No love. No you're not."

[bigg1999]

“Babe?” Raven questions, walking to the doorway.

Anya glances towards her, mere feet away.

“I’m sorry, I just,” Anya gestures.

In front of her is the wall between Fauna and AJ’s bedrooms, framed pictures arranged in a heart, all photos featuring her little sister. Photos of Lexa’s life as a whole. There are a few of their wedding, one of Lexa in boot camp, Clarke and Lexa as teenagers hanging out, and one of Lexa dressed up, it’s like a collage of all of Lexa’s life.

“Where did Clarke get that photo?” Anya questions, stepping closer to look at a photo.

It’s one of only two of Lexa before Clarke. One is a school photo, but this one is one that Anya has never seen before. Herself and Lexa standing together, her arm wrapped around the younger girl. Their cheeks are red from the cold air around them. Lexa has a huge grin on her face, and Anya’s a mere upturn of one side of her lip.  

“It was sent to her after Lexa’s funeral,” Raven answers softly, remembering how Clarke broke down when she opened a seemingly innocent letter.

Read it here

[asleepingtiger]

New chapter for Love Hurts - After All This Time

Here’s a snippet…

“So what was London like?” Clarke inquires slightly, catching Lexa off guard.

Lexa has to think for a second, being there as long as she was she could just pluck out a simple answer.

“It was difficult at first, time change, everyone was constantly in a rush,” Lexa reels off, “it was like if you didn’t work the economic system would crash. There was no down time.”

Clarke chuckled, “bet you had a shock to the system,”

“I hated it,” Lexa admitted, “I did make a few friends, Luna. Now she’s an interesting character.”

“Oh really?” Clarke sipped her tea whilst still looking at Clarke, “tell me more.”

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully, “she could get you clubbing when you didn’t want to.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to go home and sleep.” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke wanted to ask a question but she knew it wasn’t any of her business.

Lexa watched the clogs turn in Clarke’s eyes, she knew what she wanted to ask.

“Go on, ask.” Lexa smirked.

Clarke shook her head, “it’s fine, it’s none of my business.”

“Clarke, I wasn’t there for a fun vacation. My uncle was constantly on at me to do this, do that.” Lexa took a long sip of her drink before continuing, “I didn’t have time for women.”

Clarke didn’t know what to say to that, it was what wanted to know but it didn’t fully answer her question.

“You were there for a long time,” Clarke pointed out, Lexa stared at her waiting for her to continue but she didn’t, so she gave her the answer Clarke was unable to ask the question for.

“I didn’t sleep with anyone, Clarke.” Lexa sighed, “it came close a few times and yeah, I wanted to but it wasn’t worth it.”

[butmakeitgayblog]

My Agathario fic is done

[neyantkomskaikru]

The absolute frustrating urge of wanting to write an amazing story and leave your mark on the fanfiction world, but not knowing where to start or if you are even good enough to write a full length story 😩 I have so many ideas but I know how structured you have to be sometimes to write these long ass stories and I’ve just never had the motivation nor the discipline but god so badly do I want to share my spark with the world.

I seem to have some talent but yet am still like a newborn deer wobbling around and watching all these seasoned authors write absolutely beautiful stellar amazing stories! Like butmakeitgay, dreamsaremywords, KL_Morgan, iwannadreamforever, sam_kom_trashkru, uncharted cloud and tabbygyson, RhinoMouse, etc. Maybe it’s bad to try and replicate something like that, but when I read their stories it makes me want to create something great.

Something that, hopefully, years from now people will still remember. “Hey, you remember that one Clexa fic?”

“Uh, which one?”

“The one by NeyantKomSkaikru?”

“Oh yeah! That was a good one. In fact I think I’m gonna find it and read it again.”

[audi0med1c]

Little teaser for my new Clexa Modern AU “Is It Over Now?”

Clarke and Lexa are the messiest of exes…. Even after two years they still can’t stop arguing over who was at fault for the breakup in the first place.

Everyone around them just wants them to move on and be happy with other people… b/c they both SWEAR that it’s over for them… but is it now?

On both wattpad & archive

[procrastinationstation101]

Summary: soccer practice and sweet gestures