#clearly soft!Barba was what everyone wanted

[melk917]

I posted 728 times in 2022

That's 152 more posts than 2021!

273 posts created (38%)

455 posts reblogged (63%)

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I tagged 554 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#rafael barba - 142 posts

#mk answers - 136 posts

#law and order svu - 86 posts

#rafael barba x reader - 66 posts

#paul mendelson - 50 posts

#law and order svu imagine - 42 posts

#melk917fantasybingo - 39 posts

#nevada ramirez - 36 posts

#dopesick hulu - 32 posts

#raúl esparza - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#i can’t even tell you how i will never recover from the knowledge that i could have seen this in person… almost saw this in person

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

For HCs - the moment your libido skyrockets during your pregnancy with the boy of your choice (or all if the inspiration hits!) and how he reacts?

Ohhhh so this is a HC/plot point (?) that happens in the Full Ratchet when she gets pregnant. So gleefully doing this for Rafa.

So, short answer? He is surprised, but loves it.

So there are two big surprises for him along these lines: one, he was certainly not expecting the hormone shift in the second trimester that leads to you jumping him at every opportunity; and two, he wasn't expecting just how much he is actually into how your body is changing. It's not that he assumed he'd wouldn't be attracted to you. It that he's surprised by just how much he's into it.

So, honestly, it's a surprise, but it works out?

And really, it does start to feel like it's everywhere, all the time. He's not working full time at this point (having just left the DA's office a few months before), so he's easier access.

You're waking him up in the morning with soft kisses down his neck, a hand slipping over his hip to tease him to full hardness. Whispering in his ear, begging him to let you blow him, to ride him.

You'll back him up against the counter when he's making breakfast, pulling him close and licking into his mouth.

Sliding into his lap when he's working or just watching TV.

Pulling him close when you're out to dinner, slipping your hand up his thigh under the table, teasing him, whispering in his ear, begging him to take you home and fuck you. Telling him how wet you are. Taking his hand and pulling it up your skirt or down you pants to show him.

Slipping into the shower with him in the morning or at night.

You can't get through a full movie anymore. You're pulling his arm around you, arching against him, pulling his hand up to cup your breasts, or down between your legs.

At night, you're coming to bed in lingerie you'd never sleep in, slipping into his lap. Or some nights you'll be waiting for him, naked between the sheets (sometimes even playing with yourself before gets there because the two minutes he spends brushing his teeth are just too long to wait.)

There's weekends the two of you hardly get out of bed, ordering in, and just going for round after round.

And honestly, he's just as crazy for you. The curve of your belly, how full your breasts are getting, the curve of your hips, your thighs, your ass. He didn't expect it, how crazy it makes him, how he can't keep his hands off you. And you're teasing him, telling him it's because he's unconsciously recognizing that he's the one that's done that to you, that it's his child. (He doesn't need to fully understand why, as long as he can get his hands on you.)

You two go away when you're about 5 or 6 months pregnant. A last trip while you can travel. Some place warm and relaxing. And he's utterly floored the day you go to the beach and you've got that tiny black bikini on. It's pure torture for him, the way you fill out the top, the curve of your belly. And when you hold out the bottle of sunscreen and ask him to help you apply it, a knowing smirk on your face, he thinks he's going to combust if he can't have you right then. He's tugging the curtains closed on the cabana and stripping you out of that so he can get his mouth on you. (There was no way he could wait till you got back to the hotel room.)

It eventually tapers off, and you get way too uncomfortable and sensitive to be up to that level of passion and need. But he's just as happy to curl up behind you, rubbing your back, your feet, and sharing snacks. Whatever helps.

86 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#4

Table Top or Just Give Me a Lap Dance

Warnings: Some dirty dancing, a hint of language (including light Daddy kink) and suggested nudity

Rating: M

Pairing: Rafael Barba x f!Reader

Summary: A little grinding to seduce (Tell me how we do it, if you want me, and I want you too)

Song Vibes: Envolver

The flash of lights from the street outside shifts across his face, highlighting the flush on his cheeks. He’s a bit drunk, loose limbed and rumpled, a pleased little smile tugging at his mouth as the two of you are finally left alone, all your guests gone.

He watches with bright eyes, tongue darting out to wet his lips as you make your approach, fingers playing at the edges of the sheer slip you’re wearing, hips rolling with the beat of the music, bass turned up to shiver through the air.

You know the picture you present, backlit, curves of your body just shaded through the fabric, suggesting just enough to tease, to hint at what awaits.

“You didn’t want to go with your friends?”

He drags his gaze from your thighs up the length of your body to your face, his pupils blown wide. He shakes his head, slow and deliberate, as he reaches out, long fingers tracing warm from your knee to your hip. They steal under the edge of your slip to stroke your skin.

“Well then. It looks like it’s just us here.” Your voice is shaded with amusement as he nods absently, his chin tilted up to hold your gaze, his palm curving over your hip.

You lean down, lips against his ear, voice low. “Shouldn’t we play by the rules if we’re going to play this game?”

He makes a soft sound of protest as you pull back to smirk at him, tugging his hands from your skin. You push lightly on his chest until he’s sprawled back on the couch, legs spread, collar open, tie loose. He’s watching you through hooded eyes, lips parted around heavy breaths, fingers curling against the cushions so he doesn’t reach for you. He’s wrecked and you’re just starting.

The bass throbs, seductive, and you let it flow through you, winding your hips, dragging your palms up your sides to cup your breasts, fabric bunching, teasing over your nipples as you sway to the beat. He lets out a sigh and shifts against the cushions, gaze rapt, burning with a smoldering heat.

A smirk tugs at the corner of your lips as you slide into his lap, working your hips against him in a slow drag that twists his sigh into a low groan, pulled from deep in his chest. The guttural rumble vibrates through you, making your cunt clench and you shiver against him.

“That’s it,” you murmur as you slide your hands up his chest. One tangles in his hair, drawing a pleasured gasp from him with a sharp tug, while you arch your back, teasing your hard nipples across his chest, and grind down harder against him. A moan catches in your throat at the feel of his cock, hard and hot against the curve of your ass, even through the fabric of his trousers.

“Let me do all the work here, Daddy.” Your voice is low and dark in his ear, breath ghosting warm across his skin. He groans helplessly, cock jumping against you at your words, and your smirk turns smug. “You just sit back and enjoy the show.”

89 notes - Posted February 2, 2022

#3

A Change of Plans

Warnings: Teasing & innuendo, nudity, mentions of sex

Rating: T

Pairings: Rafael Barba x Reader

WC: 2,510

A/N: A shameless, tooth-rotting bit of NYE fluff. A few days late but hopefully not a dollar short. Inspired by an anon request. (Don’t worry, anon, I will get to answering all of it, but I needed this bit of soft NYE fluff with Barba in full first. I hope you enjoy this in the meantime!)

Also, for some background, if anyone else is a nerd like me, you'll notice that the 2nd William Lewis trial starts on Jan 2nd, and was only scheduled for that as of the end of Dec. So 100% a valid reason for canceling your NYE plans to work, I think.

Edit: Adding this as a fill for @storiesofsvu's Holiday Bingo for the 'New Year's Eve' square! Wasn't planned, but a happy coincidence.

See the full post

108 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#2

Can i ask for a hc about edging the hell outta Barba?

Oh fuck, yes, anon. Let’s do it.

See below the cut for what turn into something longer than intended.

He’s been incredibly difficult for the last week: short tempered, frustrated… more than a little bitchy, to be honest. Things are just not lining up on his current case, and he’s tearing his hair out at each new hurdle (and facing a smug Buchanan in court is just killing him).

He’s been taking it out on you, too. Not in big ways, but he’s short with you, purposefully misinterpreting things you say so he can snap back. He’s brusque and snide and just a little cruel.

Sure, you know where it’s coming from. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to let it slide.

You wait until Friday, when you know that if his work schedule for that night is thrown off, he’s still got time to make it up.

He gets home that night and, like usual, makes his first stop in the bedroom to change out of his suit. Except instead of an empty, dark room, he finds you, leaning back on the bed, done up in a corset and garter belt combo, thigh high stockings showing off your legs, a length of rope in your hands.

He pulls up short, eyebrows raised, as you get up slowly, backing him up until he hit the doorway.

You tell him he’s been very ill behaved this week. Bad tempered. Bitchy.

He scoffs.

But there’s a bright flash in his eyes, something close to relief. Like you're giving him a way out.

You tell him he owes you an apology. Doesn’t he agree? All he has to do is apologize and he can have you however he wants you. You hold the length of rope out in offer.

He rolls his eyes instead and shrugs. Says you’re just sensitive.

And oh that was not the way to go. You have his wrists up behind his back before he can blink. You ask him if is sure. Sure that he has nothing to say.

He tells you to do your worst, because you can’t possibly think he’ll ever say he’s sorry.

You bite the back of his neck in warning and step back before you can feel him shudder against you.

You tell him to strip and lay back. And you’ll see just which one of you will break first.

And god, he’s still so smug, even as he strips, lets you tie him to the bed.

And you start slow. Taking his abandoned tie and running it up his legs, over his hips. You scrape your teeth lightly over his nipples, then blow cool air over the sensitive flesh.

You go out of your way to tease, his cock filling, twitching. He’ll let a soft noise or two slip out, but he’s doing his best to resist. When you look up to meet him in the eye, when you ask if he’s ready to apologize, he stares back, challenging, a smirk twisting his lips. He’s daring you to do your worst.

So you do.

You work him over with lips and tongue and fingers. You tug his balls, rub his perineum, working his prostate from the outside.

He starts to slip a bit when you do that, hips flexing against the sheets. His cock is fully hard now, flagging heavily, resting in the crease of his thigh. But you ignore it.

You ask again and he just gives you a defiant tilt of his jaw.

So you grab the lube, slicking your fingers to tease gently at his hole while you scrape your teeth over his hips. Suck marks into his inner thighs.

This is where he slips.

You rub a finger over his prostate, just as you lick a seam up his balls and he cracks, letting a moan slip out. He is painfully hard, cock flushed a deep red, precum dripping and smearing across his hip. He twitches hard with each press against his prostate.

He starts to bargain. Offering himself, offering sexual favors in return. If you just touch him.

You say you’re happy to give him what he wants… he just has to apologize. He groans and shakes his head, taking deep breaths through his nose to try and pull back from the edge.

See the full post

110 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Soft hc for Rafael watching you get ready for date night?

He is almost done getting ready himself, doing up his cuffs, straightening his shirt, when he catches you out of the corner of his eye.

You're not dressed yet, just in your bra and panties as you do your make up. He's not even leering, he's not lingering on your curves (though it's not like he's missed them either). Instead he's just captivated by how you move, the grace in your gestures, the economy of movement. How you sway to the music you have playing the background, half singing along under your breath. You look up to catch his eye in the mirror and wink, and he's grinning back, not at all embarrassed that he's been caught watching.

He sits back to track your movements as you pull your clothes on, nimble fingers doing up buttons and ties.

He stays back, content to just watch, until you go to fasten your necklace (a thin chain with a single stone that he had gotten you that Christmas you had come up to the Bronx with him and spent the holiday with his mother and grandmother). You're fumbling with the clasp and then he's there, his hands warm on yours as he takes over, doing it up for you before he's smoothing them over your shoulders and down your sides to your waist, tugging you against him and pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck, breathing in your scent. Your shampoo mixed with the perfume you just put on.

"All set?" he murmurs, meeting your eyes in the mirror over your shoulder.

You turn your head to kiss his cheek, huffing a laugh against his lips as he turns his head to capture your mouth instead.

"Yeah, let's go. Before you get any ideas..."

233 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tinyboxxtink]

Weird Secret Friends *Chapter 3*

I fixed it!!!! Huzzah!!!

If you didn't see it earlier, it was crap-tastic on my phone.

I'm glad so far people love this. <3

Part 2

Part 4

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-------------

When you returned everyone was laughing at chatting, except for Sonny who was drinking vodka and soda while on his phone. He looked up and saw you both returning, he jumped up to meet you.

“Hey, counselor. I hope Y/N wasn’t too hard on you,” He half laughed.

“Are you kidding me, Sonny?” You scoffed.

“She’s fine, Sonny,” He smirked. “I like a little fire in a woman,”

“Oh?” Sonny’s eyebrows suddenly raised, causing you to give Barba a look. He was blowing your cover!

“I mean, I expect it from Jersey girls anyway,” He flipped his compliment quickly.

“God…” You muttered, looking at the floor. Pick a side, counselor.

“Anyway, um,” Sonny cleared his throat, trying not to think about Rafael and you together. “So when do we do presents and cake? I’ve kind of got an early--”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rafael furrowed his brows at Sonny. “Did you-- Carisi did you really just say that?”

“Do you see a present table? Do you see a giant rat mascot running around?”

“...What? Did I say something--?” Sonny became flustered.

“What do you think this is, a fucking Chuck E Cheese?” He suddenly snapped, causing shocked looks from both you and Sonny.

“I’m sorry Barba, I--”

“Alright that’s it,” You stepped in between the two of them, glaring at Rafael.

“Excuse you?” Rafael crossed his arms.

“Y/N, knock it off,” Sonny hit you softly.

“You have been nothing but rude to my cousin since we got here, Mr. Barba,” You pointed a finger to his chest.

“He was just trying to be nice, getting you a gift out of the goodness of his heart, something you would know nothing about!” Maybe now you were overcompensating.

“Y/N!” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“What?!” You turned to see everyone at the party staring at the three of you in shocked silence. “Oh…” Your voice turned soft, your face turned red.

“Well,” Rafael straightened his suit and tie, recovering from your little rant. “I guess I should be a gracious host and open it then, shouldn’t I?” He gave you a look.

“...Holy shit,” You heard one of the guests gasp. “That thing is over $1,000! My wife wouldn’t even get me that for Christmas,”

“NO!” Sonny objected rather loudly,. “I mean, that’s not necessary Barba. It’s just a little something, it’s fine,”

“No no, your cousin is right,” He shook his head as he walked over next to Sonny’s chair and retrieved the large gift bag and placed it on the table. Sonny bolted over, you trailed behind quickly.

“No, seriously Barba, don’t,” Sonny began to panic. You suddenly realized how this was going to look, maybe you shouldn’t have pushed.

“Carisi why are you being like--” Rafael was questioning him but was silenced mid-speech when he pulled out the briefcase. His eyes went wide, you swore you heard a few people audibly gasp, You looked around completely lost, finally noticing the absolute horror on Sonny’s face.

“....Is this a Louis Voutton Robusto 2 in Taiga leather, Carisi?” Rafael whispered, running his fingers over the fine leather.

“Oh my god,” You couldn't watch this. Sonny had such a big heart, too big of a heart. He tried so hard...why didn’t you step in sooner?

“Uh y-yeah, sure Barba whatever you want,”

“Carisi, can I speak with you a moment outside?” Rafael blinked rapidly, trying to wrap his head around what was happening right now.

“Do you guys need somewhere to make out?!” An obnoxious man laughed, making the other guests snicker.

“Oh shove it Buchanan,” Rita hit him. “Sonny’s just his puppy,”

“Oh god,” Sonny muttered under his breath as he followed Barba outside. He didn’t know which was worse for people to think right now.

“This is totally inappropriate, why would you even--” He threw his hands over his head. God it was one thing knowing Sonny had a thing for him, but for him to finally make a move like this-- in front of his peers? His colleagues? The audacity.

You wondered if you should follow them. You were the one to cause this mess, after all. Also you really didn’t like the looks you were getting from the rest of the party-goers. You quickly began to follow after them, you could hear Rafael yelling from a mile away.

“What the hell is WRONG with you, Carisi?!”

“I-I’m sorry, Barba I--”

“WHAT?!” Sonny’s eyes instantly went to you. “W-Why would you…? Why would you say that?”

“I’m sorry, counselor I just thought--”

“You just thought what, Carisi?” He growled. “That if you bought some ridiculously expensive gift I’d suddenly realized you were ‘the one’?”

“What?!” Sonny suddenly snapped. “What the-- what the fuck are you talking about, Barba?”

“Uh I don’t know Carisi, maybe the fact that you have feelings for me?”

“What?” Rafael suddenly realized either you were wrong, or he was sticking to denial. Either way, he was probably busted.

“I bought you that briefcase because I want you to like me as a COLLEAGUE, Barba. Do you know what kind of clout you get in our field by being friends with the ADA? And-- And nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, I was afraid you’d never...accept me, unless I…”

“Bribed me?” Rafael asked softly.

“I--I don’t know, I--”

“Well,” Sonny shrugged uncomfortably. “When you say it like that it sounds dirty,”

“Right,” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“....But why, in the fuck--” Sonny crossed his arms now. “Would you ever accuse me of--- of that?!”

“Is it because you have feelings for me and you were hoping I felt the same way but it freaked you out when I made some ‘declaration of love’ in front of all of your work buddies?”

“WHAT?!” Rafael practically screamed. “Absolutely not--”

“I’m just gonna ask you one time, straight out,” Sonny approached Rafael, his stature over him becoming more obvious the closer he got to the ADA.

“Then why? Have I seriously given you an impression that I-- want your cannoli?” He tried to find an appropriate word. And he was genuinely asking, he had made damn sure not to act that way for so long, there was no way he had fucked that up.

“Uh...yes, yes you have,” Rafael tried to bluff. He had no idea how this situation had flipped, or if it was better for Sonny to think he had feelings for him, and not his baby cousin.

“That’s bullshit,” Sonny shook his head with a sarcastic laugh. “I have made damn sure--” He glanced at you again, he knew that look. That was the same look you had when you had broken his mom’s favorite vase and had blamed it on the dog.

“Damn sure what?” Rafael quickly tried to distract him.

“Damn sure you didn’t think that,” He answered hazily, thoughts filling his mind.

“Because you do,” Rafael tried to keep defensive.

“....This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Sonny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he was quickly becoming aware of the glances you at Rafael were sharing.

“Ohh no I think it’s about--”

“WHY would you accuse me of trying to...seduce you?!” Sonny cut him off.

“Does that sound like something I would do, whether it was true or not?”

“So it IS--”

“DAMMIT, Rafael!” Sonny stomped his foot. He was getting bold now as the wheels started turning.

“What?” Rafael laughed like it was ridiculous, looking everywhere but Sonny’s eyes. “When would she even--”

“...Did my cousin say something to you?” His eyes were narrow, he was scowling between the two of you. Fuck. FUCK. Don’t panic. Keep your cool. Don’t move.

“When you followed her just now?” He crossed his arms again.

Whew. Well, thank God. At least that bullet was dodged.

"Was she? Because it seems like telling you was the worst thing she could do!!!" Sonny snapped.

“....She might have said something along those lines,” Rafael glanced at you with apologetic eyes as he threw you under the bus.

“Wha-- are you kidding me?!” You hissed at him, but Sonny was already fuming at you.

“Y/N!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He started to stomp over to you. “You can’t just throw your assumptions at people, because you think your ‘emotionally stunted’ cousin can’t deal with some confusing feelings he has,”

“Uh…”

“Ya can’t just SHOVE someone out of a closet!” He kept yelling, oblivious to the stares he was now getting. “Especially not to my boss!!!”

“Sonny, I--”

“See I knew it!” Rafael clapped his hands together, trying to rescue you after he threw you to the sharks. “I knew you had feelings for me, I didn’t need her to tell me,”

“FINE,” Sonny threw his hands up. “Fine, Rafael. You win, okay?” He struggled with tears forming in his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had some-- weird, feelings about you. For a while,”

You and Rafael just stared at him while he “came out” to an entire restaurant.

“And alright, maybe I went a little overboard with the gift, my bad,” He shrugged. "But that doesn't excuse Y/N for telling you her conspiracy theories!"

"Carisi…" Barba sighed. "She was just trying to help."

"Y'know what YN, would you mind finding somewhere else to crash tonight, i can't really look at you right now," he sighed as he turned and walked awkwardly out of the restaurant.

"Sonny I am so--" you tried to apologize.

"Well you heard the man," He grinned, totally unphased by what just happened.

"I'm sure he'll--" his face went from a soft smile into a horrified expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me Rafael?" You scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Well at least he doesn't suspect anything between us!" He pointed out.

"Yeah just that I'm a horrible outing twat," you rolled your eyes.

"Aw carino," He pulled you into a soft comforting kiss.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, afraid to turn around.

"How fucking DARE you say that, Barba. I'm not some fucking jealous teenager, although clearly that's your type,"

"Oh my god..." you heard Sonny's voice behind you. "Oh my God!"

You definitely didn't want to turn around now.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sonny now stormed over to the two of you.

I can't fucking believe you Y/N! What the fuck is this? How did this happen?"

"Sonny I--" You tried to explain,

"And YOU--" He glared at Rafael. "You had the fucking audacity to sit there and start yelling at me for "inappropriate feelings'," he growled.

"Carisi…." Rafael put a hand up.

"What the fuck do you call seducing my baby cousin??" He snarled.

'Look Carisi I know you might be jealous, but--" Before Rafael could finish his sentence, Sonny's fist was hitting his face and he fell to the ground.

"Hey!" You exclaimed.

"This isn't about my feelings, jackass," he went to punch him again but you ran over and tried to pull him off Rafael as a crowd of spectators was forming.

"Which by the way, you have zero worry of those anymore, I'm not into perverts," he spat.

"Sonny!" You gasped. "...the hell is wrong with you?!"

"We're leaving," he instructed you.

"Like hell we are," you went to help Rafael up.

"Sonny, even if you were my dad, I'm a grown woman," you snapped. "You can't drag me out of here like a child,"

"YN," Sonny had that soft, scary, angry tone. "I practically raised you. I'm the closest thing you have to a dad. So when I say we're leaving, we're leaving."

"Either you come with me right now, or I'm disowning you," he threatened.

"Are you fucking kidding me Son?" You laughed at the absurdity of the threat.

"I'll stop paying for your classes at the community college," he threatened.

Well not only did he just threaten your academics but he embarrassed the hell out of you revealing you weren't even in a real college.

"So?" You stood your ground. "Go for it,"

"I'll stop paying your rent," He kept going.

"Well that's--" You started getting nervous.

"I'll stop payments on your car,"

"OKAY," You finally caved. You just wanted to stop revealing what a fucking sad sack you were having him pay for everything, just like a dad.

You looked at Rafael who was standing now, winding his bloody mouth with a handkerchief from a pocket in his suit.

"I'm sorry," you barely whispered with tears in your eyes and throat. The last thing You wanted to do was leave him there but as Sonny so blatantly pointed out, he basically owned you.

You gave him one last long kiss goodbye, to which Sonny made a disgusted scoff.

Rafael gave you a look of pleading, begging you to stay with him while he held onto your hand. You pulled your hand away from him and turned to Sunny

"Alright let's go Son," you said softly trying not to glance back at Rafael.

Sonny nodded triumphantly and walked out of the restaurant with you close behind, leaving Rafael alone.

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Unexpected

Warnings: Based on two episodes with my twist. Just case talks, the squad actually not being friendly, hurt reader and fluff

I wrote this SO long ago, second guessed putting it up, but its time it saw the light. 

WC: 2226 

Enjoy x

“I told you not to put her on the stand. All you guys do is treat me like I don’t know what I’ am doing. I handed you all a solid case that didn’t involve her and you have blown it”

“You’re out of line Detective” Rafael spat back to you.

“No, you’re out of line Counselor, you know it all”

“You need to calm down Y/N” Liv said firmly with a slightly raised voice.

“I’ve had enough of this crap I should have stayed in Brooklyn, at least they listened and wanted me there”

You stormed out of Rafael’s’ office slamming his glass door behind you making the whole wall shake.

“Is she always this emotional?” Rafael frowned at Liv

“Well, No. She is right Rafa, about everything” He rolled his eyes at Liv.

“Who’s the ADA here?”

“You, but she is right”

You had been at Manhattan SVU for 4 months after transferring from Brooklyn SVU. You and Sonny were old friends. You had finished the academy together, and then finally crossed paths again in Brooklyn. You actually wished you had stayed there. Back in Brooklyn you were one of them, you got along with the ADA, and everyone was close friends. Sonny had recommend you to Liv after you cracked a big string of rapes and she wanted to meet you. Liv offered you the position and you stupidly took it, thinking that you would have been welcomed with open arms, how wrong you were.

From the moment you walked in you felt like an outsider, even Sonny was different with you, even though he was your partner. He never backed you up on anything, you were always wrong. They treated you like you didn’t belong there and never took on board anything you had to say. Even if they asked you for after work drinks, you were left out and would leave early. It got to the point that you dreaded walking into the bullpen every morning. Rafael was the worst of all, he treated you like you were invisible, which you hated because you had feelings for him from the moment you laid eyes on him.  

A huge case had come in. A women had accused an Olympian, and once it was made public 2 other women came forward. You had a funny feeling about the 3rd women that came forward, all she had was the story, nothing else to back it up. The first two victims had doctor’s reports and had told someone as soon as it happened. You had worked hard on your own to make a new case file with just two victims who had all the evidence from their attack and gave it to Rafael one day when he was in the squad room before the trial started.  

“She is lying”

“You don’t know that” Sonny said back to you.

“Barba don’t put her on the stand, I have given you everything with just the other two victims, it's bullet proof.”

“Why Deactivate? Because you have a feeling?” he smirked at you “Three victims have come forward, three victims will be put on the stand”

“You’re making a big mistake”

“How about you let me do my job. We don’t go off feeling here, we go off evidence”

“Yeah and she has none” you snapped back.

Rafael ended up putting her on the stand and the defence ripped her to pieces. She confessed that she was paid by another Olympian to say she was attacked by the other just to get him out of the running for the Olympics, which ended in the case being a mistrial and he got away with the other two attacks.

Rafael had felt bad after Liv walked out of his office. He had put the case file you had made him in his draw the day you gave it to him, not even bothering to take on board what you said. Rafael pulled it out and had a look, you had been right. You had given him a bullet proof case which would have guaranteed the attacker would have been put away.

You were a good Detective and very beautiful, but you never looked happy, you were always stand offish and never got involved with them. Everything fell into place in his mind. Everyone did treat you like you didn’t know anything and they never included you. He thought back to how he treated you and regret filled him. From the first day he meet you and you smiled at him, his tummy filled with butterflies. But he didn’t want to get hurt, so he did what he did best and closed himself off to you, clearly doing a lot of damage.

You sat in Forlini’s on your 2nd double vodka soda. Everything was running through your head, you were so angry it was making you cry. After everything that had happen, you pulled your phone from your pocket and opened your emails and sent one to Liv asking for a personal week next week, and then emailed your old Lieutenant asking to have a meeting with him when he was free.

You couldn’t do it anymore. It was all too much. These last 4 months had been horrible. Your old Lieutenant didn’t want you to leave in the first place, but had told you there was a position for you whenever you wanted to come back. You hit send when you felt someone sit next to you. You looked over and it was Sonny.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Why do you care?”

“Come on Y/N, why are you acting like this?”

“You’re really asking me that question?” You frowned at Sonny.

“What do you mean?”

“From the moment I walked in, all you guys have done is make me feel unwelcome. You’re my partner and you don’t even back me up. I hate it here, I wish I never made the transfer. We were friends before here, you’re so different. I don’t know you anymore”

“I didn’t mean-Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” Sonny had a sad look on his face.

“And what’s the point in that? You would just laugh it off and go back to ignoring me with the rest of them”

“I’ am sorry”

“Bit late for that. Just go”

Sonny looked at you, got down off his bar stool and walked away.

A couple hours later you were on your 5th drink, it was getting dark out. You could feel the alcohol making your head swim. But you felt numb which is what you wanted.

“How many of them have you had?”

“What’s it to you?” You didn’t even look up to see who it was.

“How many have you had Detective?” Rafael was standing next to you frowning when you finally looked up.

“Why does everyone seem to care all of a sudden?”

“Excuse me” Rafael sat down on the chair next you and ordered some water and fries.

“What do you want Counselor?”

“Look, I should have listened to you. You were-you were right”

You looked up at him through glassy eyes.

“Doesn’t matter now anyway, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ am going to transfer back. Well hopefully I can. I mean I want to. I have a meeting next week. I hope the boss says yes” you skulled down the last of your drink.

“Why do you want to leave?” he all of a sudden filled with sadness.

“You’re as dumb as Sonny if you don’t know the answer to that question” He frowned to you “All you guys have done since I started here is leave me out and treat me like I don’t know my stuff. And you are worst of all, you treat me like I’ am invisible”

“No I d-”

“Yes you do. I can’t believe I ever had feelings for someone like you”

Rafael sat there and watched you, not sure if it was just the alcohol talking or if you really meant what you said. You felt uncomfortable him starring at you so you started to get down off the bar stool.

----

“Do you always let your girlfriend drink this much on a Friday night?” the Doctor gave Rafael a funny look.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s a co-worker”

“With the amount of alcohol in her system and the knock to the head. We will be keeping her in for tonight. She needs her concussion monitored. Maybe you should take better care of your co-worker while drinking.” The Doctor gave him a dirty look.

You woke up to a dark room and a crashing head ache. You let your eyes adjust and a figure caught your attention. You turned your head and Rafael was sitting there with a hospital blanket over him. You tried to adjust yourself, but you made so much noise, it woke him up.

“Sorry I woke you” you muttered.

“It’s ok” he rubbed his face “I’ am glad you’re awake” he gave you a soft smile.

“What happened?”

“You fell and hit your head on the bar. You have a concession”

“Explains the head ache” he laughed at you “Thanks for staying, but you can go now”

“No it’s ok, I’ am happy to stay”

You laid back down looking up at the ceiling.

“Did you mean what you said?” Rafael asked softly.

“Which part?” you sighed back.

“All of it”

“Yeah. I have next week off and I’ am going to talk to my old Lieutenant when he tells me what day I can” tears were filling your eyes.

“OK. But I’ am not just talking about that”

You took a deep breath and let out a small sigh.

“Why does it matter now anyway” You spat back at him sitting up in bed. Rafael walked over and sat on the edge grabbing your hand in his.

“Because I would like to know. Please”

You pulled your hand out of his,

“Of course I meant it. I just needed 5 drinks to finally say something. But like I said it doesn’t matter now”

“Can we ta-” Rafael started to say before you cut him off.

“No”

“Can I talk?” you finally looked into his eyes, they were such a beautiful shade of green and you slightly nodded.

“I’ am sorry. About the case, about making you feel the way you felt. I didn’t realise how I was treating you. I’ am sorry, please think about staying.”

“It’s a little too late for that.”  

****

 You were let out of Hospital the next day. Rafael ended up leaving early that morning, the DA called him in for a case. You got home and showered when there was a knock at your door. You were shocked when you opened it, seeing who was standing there, Liv, Sonny, Amanda and Fin, each holding a brown paper bag.

“What are you all doing here? Ah I mean come in” you stood aside and let them all in.

“Barba called Liv and told her what happened, so we decided to come over and I’ am going to cook” Sonny said back to you.

“And we want to apologise” Amanda grabbed your shoulder “For making you feel the way you do. We didn’t mean it, we were assholes and we don’t want you to leave”

“I know you have got in contact with your old Lieutenant, but please reconsider” Liv looked at you with a small smile.

Lunch was amazing and for the first time you felt like part of the squad. You just hoped that it would last. Everyone had left after helping to wash up, clean up, the left overs put in the fridge. You had just sat down on the couch when there was another knock on the door, you were even more shocked with who was standing there,

“I know everyone has left, but I brought dessert” Rafael had a big smile on his face “Can I come in?” you moved out of the way to let him make his way in, sitting the bag he was carrying on your kitchen bench “Sorry I wasn’t here with everyone else, the DA wanted me to go over a case, took longer than I expected. How are you feeling?”

“A bit better, thanks. Why did you call Liv?”

“I was worried about you. And, I guess, I hoped she would talk you out of leaving”

“Why?”

Rafael walked over to you, grabbing your hand to pull you around to look at him.

“Because, I like you”

“Is that how you treat people you like? Hate to see how you treat people you love”

“For that. I’ am sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was protecting myself”

You raised your eye brows at him. Before you had chance to say anything back, his lips came crashing on yours. Butterflies filled your tummy and you lent into him moving your head for him to deepen his kiss, Rafael resting his hands on your neck, you resting yours on his waist. After a moment you pulled away to catch your breath and looked into his eyes,

“That was unexpected” you smiled at him, Rafael smirking back at you.

“I really want to see where this goes, I promise I don’t love how I like”

  Tags: @detective-giggles ​ @beccabarba  @witches-unruly-heart @dianilaws @scarletsoldierrr @lv7867  @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner @infiniteoddball @fandom-princess-forevermore @madamsnape921 @annabelleb49 @alwaysachorusgirl @thatesqcrush ​ @lovelymischief

[the-hopeless-haze]

Someone You Have to Let In (Being Alive Chapter 7)

A/N: this is another long one - like 5-6k words? IDK! Someone needs to stop me lol. This chapter gave me so much grief so I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, suspect gets handsy; par for the course for SVU episode

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PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Rafael walks up the stairs to the precinct, his pulse racing and his heart pounding in his ears. Even his stomach feels queasy, and he can’t remember the last time he was ever this anxious. Olivia called him at one in the morning, saying she needed him there to talk about where they could get with this case. She never mentioned you - and he knew you were set up to be the thirst trap. Why wouldn’t she say anything about how you were? All he can think is the worst, and of course, she wouldn’t say anything to him. She may have suspected something was going on between the two of you, but she was never going to push his buttons and call him out on it over the phone. But that also meant that if you were hurt... he’d be the last to know. You hadn’t called him on your own, either, so something must have happened.

And sure enough, when he gets to the bullpen you’re at your desk, alone, huddled in a shock blanket, staring listlessly at the walls. Your makeup is done up like a working girl’s, all heavy dark eyeshadow and red lipstick, and he can see peeks of a tight sequined black dress underneath the blanket and torn fishnets on your legs. Eventually, your gaze meets his and you furrow your brow in confusion as he walks quicker toward you.

“What’s the matter with you?” you ask.

“What's the matter with me? (Y/n), what the hell? Why didn’t you call me?” he asks frantically. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Rafael,” you say as he kneels down in front of you. “Be quiet. They’re going to hear you and Sonny’s gonna be back any minute.“

“You think I care about that? What the hell happened?”

“Nothing! I’m fine. Olivia just didn’t want me in the room with him. It’s okay,” you mutter, shrugging. “I’m only wearing the blanket because I’m cold. Nothing happened to me.”

Rafael walks over to you and kneels down in front of you, peeling the blanket off to reveal fresh bruises and scratches, the imprints of another man’s fingertips and nails brandishing the skin of your shoulders. “Nothing happened to you? Bullshit. What’s all over your arms, cariño?”

“He got handsy. What did you think was going to happen? But do you honestly think Olivia would let anything worse than that happen to me? I’m okay,” you say defensively as tears build up in your eyes.

“You don't look okay! Why are you crying, then? (Y/n)--"

“Why are you yelling at me?” you cut him off, your voice straining as you wipe under your eyes with the back of your hands, black streaks of eyeliner smudging onto them. “Jesus Christ. You’re making me feel like I'm the one you're prosecuting. Go do your job. Don’t worry about me.”

But he did worry, now, because you had somehow figured out how to weasel into his life even though the No Vacancy sign was flashing. And it doesn’t even feel like a choice, it feels more like he owes it to you, and he’s honestly not sure how much he likes that. Still, though, he presses his lips to yours and takes off his suit jacket, draping it around your shoulders, giving you something of him to comfort you and put over the wounds someone else caused you. And isn’t that all love is? A healing balm for the pain we’ve been caused?

Rafael swallows thickly. He can’t be bothered to think of that now. He cares about you, but he doesn’t love you. Right?

Okay then.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Stop crying,” he says, trying to level his voice.

You laugh a little, a few tears still rolling down your cheeks. “Wow. You could teach a class on comfort. Stop crying? Who knew that was all anyone had to say?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do,” he whispers, reaching down and squeezing your hands.

“Hey. You got me to laugh. And anyway... It’s okay. I told you I’m fine.”

You don’t say anything else, and Rafael really doesn’t know what else to do, so he just kisses you, one of his hands leaving yours to smooth down your hair.

“I’m okay,” you whisper against his lips as you pull away. “You weren’t called here because of me. Go do your job.”

“(Y/n)—“

But he’s cut off from continuing because he hears the bullpen office door open and he glances up at you. “I told you Sonny was gonna be back,” you whisper, and your eyes are urging him to go but it’s too late. You’re still wearing his suit jacket and Rafael has your lipstick on his mouth. The unspoken “secret” is going to be spoken now, and fuck it, maybe it’s about time.

“Hey, (y/n), they didn’t have that tea you wanted so I got you a hot chocolate and... oh. I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” he says as he walks in, standing in front of your desk with a tray of hot drinks and a bag of pastries.

“No,” you say. “Rafael was just gonna go see what Liv needed.”

“I know that, but I mean...” His blue eyes dart between you and Rafael knowingly and he grins. “Guess you weren’t lying about the boyfriend just so I’d stop trying to set you up with my Fordham buddies.”

“No,” you say, winking at Rafael. “I deserve better than that, anyway. I like ‘em Harvard Law educated.”

Even Rafael has to laugh at that, especially when Carisi rolls his eyes as he puts the food down on his desk. “You got her dogging Fordham now, Barba? She used to be such a nice girl, too.”

“Mm. Rafael made me mean just like him,” you giggle, clearly having too much fun with this. “He’s an awful influence.”

“Well, damn. I guess Amanda was right. I mean, we all kinda figured, but... Amanda would’ve bet her whole life savings that something was going on. Well, good for you guys. You want me to keep my mouth shut, too, or...?”

“Can we trust you to?” you ask.

“Won’t even tell Sarge. Promise.”

“Mm. No. It’s okay, (y/n),” Rafael interjects was he glances at you. “I think it’s time we give up the charade, don’t you?”

“I’ve only been saying that for a good two months,” you tease, but you lean over and press your lips to the side of his mouth. Was this how you were going to be, now that you could show affection in front of them? Maybe this is part of why he wanted it under wraps; he didn’t want the squad to see just how much he had let you into his life. He has a reputation to uphold, and a lot of it was built on the fact that he came off as stoic, stern, and standoffish. And yet, with a simple touch, you destroyed that illusion and made it seem like the front that it was.

“Olivia’s going to be wondering where you are. I’m fine. Go,” you tell him, and he nods, squeezing your hand again before getting up and heading down the hallway to meet her.

The case seemed simple enough, although he needs a positive ID from the rape victims and the suspect wasn’t budging. He kept telling Amanda that you wanted it, and it’s all Rafael can do to not break through the glass and choke him out. And it’s not that Rafael was jealous, because he wasn’t. As long as you wanted him more than others, that was all that mattered, and he knows you’d never want this son of a bitch in a million years. But he’d never quite had the sympathy for upset significant others in these situations until now. Listening to this asshole talk in hypotheticals about what he’d do to you? Thank god you weren’t subjected to listen to this.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Olivia says. “But thank you for coming. I wanted to know what you thought when we brought him in.”

“It’s fine, Liv,” he says. “I don’t sleep anyway. Besides, it’s always good to get ahead. Is (y/n) set to testify? She’s going to need to, considering she was bait and...I know that can be difficult for her. I just want this airtight.”

“She’s just a little shaken right now. Did you talk to her when you came in?”

“Yes. You know what happened to her, though, when she was younger, don’t you? I just don’t think it’s fair to have her be the one who draws the suspects out like that, considering..."

Olivia’s eyes widen and she touches his shoulder, forcing him to look at her worried facial expression. “Did she say something to you? I know she can push herself too far sometimes, but I wouldn’t have allowed this if I thought she wasn’t able to handle it.”

“No. I think she can handle it. I just don’t think she should have to.”

Her hand squeezes his shoulder gently before letting go, and she gives him a tight smile. "I know. It's really sweet that you care so much, though, Rafael. I guess you really do have a soft spot for her, hm?"

"Oh Jesus Christ, Olivia. Just say that you know I've been seeing her outside of work,” he sighs exasperatedly.

Olivia laughs, her brown eyes gleaming. "I was wondering if you were ever going to tell me. Carisi catch you?"

"Maybe."

"So how long? Amanda thinks six months, but I wasn't sure."

Rafael snickers. "You need to keep her on a leash. But no. She's right. It's been about six months."

"Well, good for you, Rafael."

“So what happens now?”

“You take her home.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Why would I be upset? I think you two are good for each other. You keep her grounded, she keeps you young.”

Rafael scoffs. “Nice armchair psychoanalysis.”

“Is that why you tried to keep it hidden, though? You thought I was going to be upset?”

“I don’t know. I’m a lot older—“

“Not my concern. If she's okay with it, who am I to intervene? She’s not someone I ever pictured you with, but... like I said. You’re good for each other, and I trust you to keep things in line. You have so far.”

“Maybe not, if everyone figured it out."

"Well, you may be careful to a fault, Rafael, but subtlety is not your strong suit."

"Do I want to know what that refers to?"

"Probably not," she says, her brown eyes teasing. "But I was sitting next to you at the bar a few weeks ago and that's when I knew without a shadow of a doubt."

It takes Rafael a minute to think back to what she might be thinking of - so what, he left abruptly? Amanda was the one who got you two in a cab together... and then he remembers his hands between your thighs and your hands between his, and he feels his face flush of its own accord. "I'm sorry--"

"Keep in mind that I have eyes, and this is fine with me, okay?" Olivia laughs. "You might have a tougher time with the D.A., though."

Rafael shrugs, willing his blush to cool down. "I'll deal with it when the time comes.”

Just then, Amanda and Nick come out from the interrogation room, and immediately Amanda’s saying, “Hey, what’s got Barba all flustered? (Y/n) in that dress too much for him?”

Rafael shoots Olivia a glare. “That leash? It needs to be about ten inches shorter.”

Olivia chuckles and looks at Amanda. “Cat’s out of the bag, Amanda. You were right. He just admitted it.”

“Son of a bitch,” Nick sighs. “I can’t believe I’m going to be out $100 for this shit.”

“You actually bet on us?” Rafael asks incredulously. “You two are unbelievable. I thought you weren’t supposed to gamble, Rollins?”

“It’s not gambling when you know you’ll win, is it?” Amanda grins. “Thanks for the $100, Barba.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he snarks.

“You charging him so we can get out of here?” Nick asks.

“Yeah. Attempted assault for now so we can book him,” Rafael says, nodding.

Rafael talks to the suspect’s lawyer and has a conversation that will give him a headache into tomorrow, but there isn’t much to be said when there’s footage of him grabbing you thanks to cameras set up outside the club. And for the first time, he gets to leave the precinct with you without staggering your departure times so the squad didn’t see you leave together. He's surprised at how nice it is, even if he could do without Amanda and Carisi's comments.

“I told you it wouldn’t be so bad if they knew. I honestly don’t think they care as much as you thought they were going to,” you say as you walk with him down the stairs, your hand in his. You’re still clad in his suit jacket, wearing it like it was yours now, even buttoning one of the buttons toward the top.

“Still. It’s not exactly appropriate that we’re seeing each other.”

“Yeah, I know. But thank you for coming around.”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, just hails a cab. You lean your head against his shoulder as you wait, your tousled hair brushing against his lips. “Are you sure you’re alright? I watched the footage and—“

“I’m fine, Rafael. Really. Bruises will heal.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You’re about to answer but a cab pulls over and you get in wordlessly, Rafael following. He thinks you’re about to continue, but you don’t, you stay silent.

“(Y/n)? Talk to me,” he says gently after a few moments.

You draw in a breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be alright, honey. I mean, I had to expect that would happen. This is what happens when you’re the youngest female detective on the squad... and... let’s just say I look forward to getting older.”

“They can’t force you to go undercover like that. I can talk to—“

“No. You’re not talking to anyone for me, tough guy,” you say, smiling softly. “It’s not like that. I offered. I hate doing it, but...whenever I do, I just think about how I’m going to get away practically unscathed because I have a whole team of detectives watching out for me. What about all those girls who don’t have that? I’m doing it for them, so we get these pieces of shit off the street. It’s just... what gets to you is them looking at you like another piece of meat. That’s what haunts me, that’s what’s going to keep me up at night... but I’m okay.”

“It doesn’t sound like it! Jesus Christ.”

“It was worse doing it for homicide in Boston, looking into eyes that envisioned you dead,” you say, and Rafael feels a shiver run up his spine. “Believe me. I’ve had worse nights.”

“I just don’t think you should be doing it at all, though, given what happened to you—“

“It’s part of the job. It’s not the same. I expected this,” you murmur, and you’re silent for the rest of the ride, and you’re silent as you walk up to the apartment with him, and you’re silent as you take your makeup off in his bathroom, sullen tears slipping from your eyes down your cheeks. Rafael stands in the doorway, feeling that pit in his stomach grow stronger.

“Cariño? Why are you crying? Did I push you too far? I’m sorry.” He walks in, coming to stand next to you.

“It’s... the rape. Sometimes I still feel like I’ll never get over it.”

“Oh, bebita,” he exhales, his heart breaking a little, you seeping in through the cracks. In his career, he dealt with many victims of horrible things, men and women of similar circumstances to yours. He never quite thought about what happened to them after he prosecuted their rapists, never thought of the havoc it could wreak even decades later, and now he feels terrible for it. Who was he to think his prosecution of their rapists did anything more than placate them momentarily? “Did I do something wrong? I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not you. You’ve been so good,” you say, wiping your eyes with the tissue, a few leftover streaks of mascara bleeding onto it. “I don’t know. I was always told I’d never be a detective by my superiors in the academy, that I’d be stuck doing desk work because I was ‘too emotional’ or ‘too damaged’. I lasted a week in the Crimes Against Children Unit in Boston. A fucking week! The only reason I ever made it out onto the field was because the homicide lieutenant was desperate for staff. He would alternate between keeping the training wheels on and then taking them off, and it was just sickening. I never felt like a real detective. And here, I mean... Olivia’s like that too, kind of, but at least she only makes me step back when it is absolutely necessary. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have been a detective. It would’ve been nice to have one part of my life this didn’t touch.”

“Come here,” Rafael says quietly, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he lets you into his embrace, hugging you tightly into his chest. “You’re a great detective, and I’m not just saying that, (y/n). But you don’t have to do this to do your job. I don’t see Carisi wearing skintight dresses and I don’t see him with bruises up and down his arms, and he still gets paid the same as you.”

“Mm, Sonny in a skintight dress? That’d be something to see,” you giggle. “But I told you why I do this. It’s not just because I want to prove myself to the NYPD, it’s to protect those girls—“

“Okay. That’s admirable. But you’re paying for it now. And who’s protecting you?” You lift your head from his chest to look at him incredulously; as if he just figured out the world’s most complex math problem, and maybe he did just figure out one of your enigmas. “Let’s get you out of this dress, hmm?”

“I don’t want to have sex tonight,” you murmur. “Sorry—“

“That isn’t what I meant,” he says quietly. “Don’t apologize to me.”

“Oh?” you ask, your brow furrowing even more. “I thought—“

"No. Come on."

And it's quiet as he unzips your dress, as you slip one of his shirts over his head, as both of you brush your teeth before heading to bed. Rafael thinks you fell asleep as you're still silent for a few moments, staying stiff on your side of the bed, but you turn over and say, "Thank you, Rafi."

"For what?"

"For being so understanding. For being here, you know?" you say, pressing your lips to his. "I don't like to bring up my exes, but a lot of them just didn't get it and they just made me feel like I was never gonna be normal."

Rafael pulls you into his chest, kissing the top of your head. "You deserve so much better than that," he says, all too aware of how hollow that statement is. Of course you did. But was he really that much better? And did you love those exes? Was that all you were destined for, loving men who would never let you into their lives? You'd probably picked the most emotionally unavailable man on the block this time. But he wants to let you in, needs to, even if it terrifies him. He does care about you that much, and you had weaseled your way into most aspects of his life.

Still, though, there was a huge part of his life you hadn’t been introduced to: his Mami.

He has to let you meet her. You’ve been asking, maybe even practically begging, and he has to now. There’s a list of men and women he slept with that his mother never met, and maybe that’s a sin, maybe that’s what will send him to hell, because yes, maybe those rules about abstaining from sex before marriage are antiquated, but at least your mother should meet her, preferably before you bang her. He was too late for before, now, but you have to at some point.

The problem was that he hadn't mentioned you to his mother at all.

"Six months, Rafael Eduardo Barba, six months, you been taking this girl out on dates, you been buying her dinners, having her over your apartment, sleeping with her, and you don't have the decency to tell your mother? Ay, what is she like? Is she bonita? Is she inteligente? Oh, Rafa, is she Catholic?" His mother's phone tangent almost never ended. She wanted to know everything about you down to your social security number. Part of it was probably due to the fact that he hadn't introduced anyone to his mother in at least three years, maybe five, and she hated the last woman with a passion. God, Rafael barely remembered her name now, and he thinks Alex set him up with her.

He almost thought his mother passed out when he told her how old you were. But then, of course, she said it was a sign from God and that you were going to give her at least three grandchildren, preferably five. It was always one of Lucia Barba’s biggest regrets that she only had one child, having grown up with seven siblings, but Rafael always saw it as a blessing in disguise. His father didn’t need any more targets.

God, that phone call was hell. But he has to let you into his family life, so... it was going out to dinner with his mother on a Wednesday night.

“When am I going to meet your parents?” He asks you at dinner while you’re waiting for his mother to show up.

You smile. “We’ll see.”

“Not really fair.”

“My parents are miles away. Your mother is a cab ride away. It’s really not fair that I haven’t met her yet.”

“You use up all your vacation days to go see your brother. You could’ve taken me to meet them any of those times. You’ve gone at least three times since we’ve started dating.”

“Well. You’re always busy when I go.”

“I can ask for time off, (y/n),” he says, but that thought is left on hold as his mother walks in the restaurant, heading straight for their table. He smiles when he sees her, getting up and hugging her and kissing her cheek.

You get up too, scooting out of the booth behind Rafael. You shake her hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Barba. I’m (Y/n).”

“Si, it’s nice to meet you too, sweetheart. You can call me Lucia. So. How did you meet my boy?"

“Work,” you say, sliding back into the booth before Rafael. “He works with the squad I’m on.”

“Yes. Special victims unit. Tough job. You must be a tough woman,” she says, sympathetically. “Now...You’re a lot younger than my boy,” she says after a few minutes and Rafael almost slams the table and walks out. God, he loves his mother but this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.

“What is it, 15 years, give or take?” you ask, turning to Rafael.

“Seventeen,” he murmurs, feeling sick. He’s never felt so old. There was his mother, who had him at seventeen years old. What the hell did she actually think about him being with you?

“Do your parents know how old he is?” Mami asks.

You nod, which surprises him. He didn’t know you’d had that conversation. “He hasn’t met them yet, though.”

“Ay, at least you have a good excuse. They live away. You know, I haven’t met anyone in a few years. Rafa’s been a priest. Or didn’t like them enough to bring them to me. You must be special.”

Thankfully, the waiter comes over, takes everyone’s order, and Rafael is able to rein the conversation in a little, talk about work, the weather, anything other than the topics his Mami was particularly drawn to. You ask about his abuelita, and his mother frowns.

“She doesn’t get out much these days. We’re worried about her health.”

“She should be in a nursing home,” Rafael says, pursing his lips. “She’s stubborn, though.”

“Let her have one more Thanksgiving and Christmas at home, Rafa,” Mami says. “We can talk about that next year.”

“I’d love to meet her,” you say. “Rafael talks highly of her.”

“Ay, she raised him the days I couldn’t. We both owe her so much,” she says, her eyes welling up. “When’s the next time you’re free during the day? Come with Rafa and me and being her groceries. She really never gets to meet Rafa’s girlfriends.”

“I’d love to,” you say, smiling brightly.

"You know, Rafa tells me you cook. You want some recipes?" She asks you. "I've always wanted to pass down abuelita's recipes, but Rafael can barely make rice, and he's never had a girlfriend who could cook either, far as I know."

"I'd love them, thank you! Rafael's always asking if I know how to make Cuban recipes, but I don't."

"Rafael eats too much takeout. I worry about his blood pressure," his mother says.

"That's what I tell him!" you say and Rafael rolls his eyes. Of course his mother would find something to gang up with you on against him. Traitor.

His mother gets a cab, and leaves you and Rafael alone on the street. “Do you think she likes me?”

Rafael laughs, hugging you. “Yes. She wouldn’t give recipes to just anyone, believe me. It’d be hard to dislike you, cariño.” He lets you go, taking your hand in his as you walk down the street toward your apartment a few blocks away.

“Really? Because you hated me when we first met.”

“No, I didn’t. Why are you saying that?”

“You sure didn’t seem like you liked me.”

“I did. I always did.”

“Even when I told you off?”

“Mm. What did you say to me? No woman wants anything to do with me?”

“I guess I might’ve been wrong?”

“You think? I got you to stick around.”

“Hey. It’s been six months. Don’t get cocky. Anyone can do six months.”

He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes your hand. He hadn’t put in over six months with anyone in well, about six years. So maybe not anyone could, but he'd let you in, and you were staying, weren’t you?

“I like her. I see where you got a lot of things from.”

“Really? Everyone used to say I look like my father.”

“I don’t mean you look like her, I mean you act like her.”

“Oh,” Rafael says, pondering on that for a moment. Maybe he could handle looking into his father’s face in the mirror if his mother’s values were truly behind it. “When do I meet your parents?”

“Christmas?”

“Why not Thanksgiving?”

“Too soon.”

“How is that fair? And it’s two months away.”

“Fine,” you grumble. “Thanksgiving. All they do when they’re in the same room is fight. I’m not really looking forward to you seeing that.”

Rafael laughs. “Looks like I won’t get in a word in edgewise. Perfect first impression: they won’t even notice me.”

You chuckle. “They care. They’re good parents. But they shouldn’t have had children together, that’s a certainty."

——

His mother calls him that night, a few moments after he gets back to his apartment. “Mami, what are you still doing up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that girl?” she asks.

“What?”

“You heard me, Rafael. Don’t play stupid with me, not anymore.”

Rafael sighs. “I just didn’t. I’ve been meaning to.”

“You’re my son. I know when you lie to me. There’s a reason you kept her from me.”

“Mami, I’m 43,” he says heavily.

“I know how old you are, I was there the day you were born. You give me a good reason now, Rafael. Because I don’t understand it. She’s smart, she’s beautiful. She has a good job. I can tell she cares about you. Why did you think I wouldn’t like her?”

Rafael laughs, smiling against his phone. “I knew you’d like her. That’s why I haven’t mentioned her.”

“Ay, Rafael, you make no sense.”

“Yes. I’m aware.”

“So explain to your poor madre!”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” he says softly.

“What? My hopes up for what?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he whispers.

“No. You say it, Rafael. Tell me so I don’t make any mistake.”

“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up in case I don’t end up marrying her!” The words hurt as they leave his mouth, turning around and stabbing him in the chest.

“But you did introduce me to her.”

And that’s where Rafael realizes his mistake.

“Do you want to marry this girl, Rafael?”

“I... I don’t know. You know how I feel about that—“

“Hmm. So you give me false hope anyway.”

“I care about her a lot, Mami.”

“But do you care about her enough?”

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it? He doesn’t know the answer. You two could never be perfect; could never be the ideal he had in his head because ideals weren’t real. Fairy tale romances didn't exist. So why try? Why get married, get tied down? Why not just keep a distance? You didn’t need to live with him, you didn’t need to take his last name, you didn’t need to have his children. You could just keep him company when he was lonely, and you could leave when he wasn't. And even now - you went back to sleep at your apartment because you had to wake up early the next morning to run with Amanda before work, and he had work to do tonight, and this way you didn't disturb him. It was just easier this way.

Right?

Maybe you didn’t want to get married at all, much less to an old man like him. You were still young, and you had years to settle down and figure things out.

Why was he hesitating? Men like him didn’t get women like you every day, and maybe that’s why men buy rings and ask for signatures on binding documents, he realizes with disgust. It’s why his father did it - his father was a decade older than his mother and he knocked her up and trapped her to a lifetime of suffering before she was legally able to vote or drink. Rafael didn’t want to be like that- you should feel free to leave him without worrying about divorce papers or the wrath of God.

Okay then.

If he could only have the good parts, it'd be fine. Waking up with you in the morning, your homecooked dinners that pull him away from his work just when he's getting fed up, the teasing that drives him up the wall but eases the tension in his shoulders... it's just, when you get upset and cry too much, when he's genuinely trying to work and you want to make out... and, oh, god, when you see him, when you just look at him and act like you know everything he's been through for the past four decades... It's too much. He doesn't want all of that.

Right?

Okay then.

Taglist: @caked-crusader​ @thatesqcrush​ @arabellathorne​ @law-nerd105​

Want to be added to the tags? Let me know!

NEXT CHAPTER

[a-spectacle-in-the-morning]

“A Whole Lot Left to Lose” -- Rafael Barba

Summary: You slept over at Barba’s place after turning up the night before embarrassingly drunk. Now you have to deal with waking up in his bed, further workplace awkwardness, and serious arguments about coffee.

Notes: Follow up for this, which is a follow up for this. I’m still unwilling to admit this is becoming a series even though it definitely is turning into one. Catch me on the sixth part saying “a follow up for this, which is a follow up for this, which is a follow up for this…”

And sorry my posting has been so sporadic. School and life caught up to me and I had a nasty case of writer’s block.

--

You awake to mid-morning sunlight and unsettlingly soft sheets. For a sweet second your brain idles, still half asleep, and you relish in the softness of your unknown surroundings. Then your thoughts snap into focus. You’re in Barba’s bedroom, curled up in Barba’s bed, absolutely tangled in Barba’s sheets. And you’re still in last night's clothes. Incredible. Nothing adds to waking up with an increasingly pounding headache like remembering how you made an idiot of yourself in front of the guy you’re catching feelings for.

The analog alarm clock on the nightstand reads around 9:30 and you let out a sigh of relief. You’re not scheduled to go into work until noon, and for a brief moment you consider trying to apologize to Barba before you leave. But then a vague memory of stumbling through his living room and spinning like a toddler unexpectedly comes back to you. Sneaking out without confrontation is clearly the only option. 

The door to the room is slightly ajar and you lay silently for a second to listen for sounds of movement. All you hear are the faint sounds of morning traffic, so you force yourself out of Barba’s bed. You spot an acoustic guitar resting on a stand as you tiptoe across the floor. If you ever shake off the embarrassment of this whole ordeal you’ll have to ask him about it. 

When you get to the living room you find the couch oddly empty. You had assumed after Barba had given you the bed he would have slept out here. Curiosity outweighs caution, and you wander in search of his office. He said he had a lot of work to do last night, you had just assumed he would’ve been finished by now. There’s light coming from underneath a door near the front foyer and you risk cracking it open to peek inside. 

Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba, who you’re accustomed to witnessing completely decimate opposition in the courtroom while wearing stupidly expensive three piece suits, is asleep at his desk. An array of paperwork is splayed out beneath his head. You have a weird urge to step fully into his office to place a chaste kiss on his forehead or maybe wrap a blanket around his shoulders. You’ve clearly been watching too many rom-coms. Instead you just take a few more seconds to appreciate the sight in front of you then gently shut the door. 

When you get home you are instantly happy for the familiarity, but the couple of hours before your shift are not as relaxing as you’d hoped they would be. You try to catch a few more hours of sleep, but your bed doesn’t seem as comfortable as it usually is. You try to mindlessly watch something on your phone, but you keep checking to see if Barba has texted you. By the time you finally settle, make yourself a box of mac and cheese, and finish eating it’s time to head into work.

-

If there were to be an action figure for Barba it would come with about twenty pairs of suspenders and some form of a cup of coffee. Possibly a white mug, like the ones he uses with the machine in his office, or something disposable from a local coffee shop. Either way there is no way his favorite caffeinated drink would be in the kind of over-sized thermos you used to take to class with you in college. Bizarrely, that’s exactly what Barba’s currently carrying with him as he makes his way towards Liv’s office. 

Instead of striding past your desk like he usually does, Barba slows before fully passing you and stops. The hairs on the back of your neck raise and suddenly his hand is flat on your back; right between your shoulder blades. His fingers press just a bit deeper into your back and you realize that he’s leaning over you to place something on your desk. The thermos that caught your eye just a few seconds ago now sits between your computer and a newton’s cradle your dad got you as a graduation gift. 

Before you can look over at him or turn or even say thank you Barba’s hand is sliding off of you. His middle finger traces a line from the center of your back just below your neck, all the way off your shoulder. Intentionally or not the action sends goosebumps down your entire arm. You don’t realize you were holding your breath until you hear Liv’s office door shut and you let out a massive sigh.

The world around you returns to focus. God, when did it get so out of focus? And you immediately wish you were anywhere in the world than at your own desk. Carisi has the most dumbstruck look you’ve ever seen. You’re afraid his jaw might drop off if it dangles that low for much longer. And when you try to avert your gaze elsewhere you land on Amanda’s devilish grin. The two of you aren’t amazingly close, but you’ve gotten a few drinks together and without even telling her she’d picked up on the tension between you and Barba. You’d told her that even if he was into you you weren’t ready to dive into a relationship with him. He was a lot and you were busy.

But now Barba had walked straight up to your desk, touched you intimately enough, and handed you coffee like he knew you hadn’t slept well. Like he was the reason you hadn’t slept well. That’s what every other member of the SVU seemed to be thinking, at least. Except for Fin who looked to actually be falling asleep at his desk.You can’t blame him. You certainly could use a bit of unconsciousness yourself right now.

-

It’s nearing five and your thoughts are churning in your head. A massive storm is sloshing around up there and leaving you with absolutely no energy. You’re one of the last ones left; Sonny and Amanda having left for dinner about an hour ago. Fin packed up shortly before them and Liv shortly after him. Normally you would’ve finished your work before everyone else. Tonight the paperwork is taking twice as long to get through as normal. You want to blame it on your hangover, but the headache is nothing compared to the onslaught of distracting thoughts about Barba.

After reading each sentence you’re bombarded with an even lengthier montage of the ADA. You’re just getting the image of him in pajamas out of your brain when you remember the weight of his hand on your shoulder this morning. At this rate the thirty pages you have left to get through are going to take hours.

You would throw it in for the night and head home, but you’re afraid the distracting thoughts will get worse. And probably more graphic. With your focus completely shot and a whole lot left to lose you decide to head over to One Hogan Place. You make sure to grab the thermos before you leave.

-

“What the hell were you thinking Barba?” you remain surprisingly monotone as you practically slam the thermos onto his desk. 

Barba sits looking at you wide eyed for just a second before a little sly grin ghosts his face. You’d rushed over from the SVU, making sure to get here before Barba left. Your face is probably flushed from the cold and the slight jog you just did. The jog also got you a bit worked up, hence the aggressive placement of the thermos.

“That you would be hungover and need a pick me up?” Barba offers.

“You can’t do this kind of shit. People talk.”

Barba remains seated behind his desk with the smuggest look. He isn’t responding. Why isn’t he responding? He always has the wittiest comebacks and he’s just sitting there looking at you. You take a chance and make your way around to stand next to him. He doesn’t rise from his seat, but he swivels in his chair to face you.

“You don’t want them thinking we’re something we’re not, right?”

Barba laces his fingers together in his lap and leans back in his chair. “Let me make sure I have this right: you want me to be… meaner to you?”

“No, you-” you squint down at him. “Will you just shut up for a second?”

Barba’s smile grows, but he stays quiet.

“I couldn’t think straight because of you. Do you know how frustrating that is?”

“I think I have an idea-”

“Hey! I said zip it, counselor. You don’t have an idea. No idea. Because every five minutes it was back to you up here,” you tap at your temple for emphasis. “And then I’m finally focused enough to read a sentence or two in the unholy stack of paperwork in front of me, I glance up, and this,” you hold out both of your hands, palms upwards, and direct his gaze at the thermos, “this is sitting there.”

Barba’s smile has dropped. It’s been replaced by something unreadable. Wonder? Amusement? Confusion? Maybe a bit of annoyance? You can’t quite place it and it’s incredibly frustrating.

You let out a deep sigh and turn to lean against his desk. “Sorry. I’m not usually like this. I don’t make these grand” you wave your arms around, “whatever the hell this is…” 

Barba stands and moves to wait in front of you, but remains silent.

“Sorry for busting in here and verbally attacking you,” you shrug. “And for dumping this on you. And for probably making this uncomfortable. You know what? Maybe I should just leave and we can forget about all of this. Go back to whatever bizarre, semi-flirty thing we had going on before.”

Barba clears his throat, putting his hands into his jacket pockets. “Are you finished?”

You nod. 

“Can I speak now?”

You roll your eyes, but nod again.

Instead of making a counterargument he takes his hands back out of his pocket and steps closer to you. Then his hands are on either side of your hips pressing into the wood of his desk. Maybe this is his counterargument: being this close to him is otherworldly. Everything comes down to the green of his eyes and then his lips are on yours. Before you have more than a second to process what’s happening he’s pulled away again. 

He pats his desk once then steps back. “I think I have an idea.”

If you had asked yourself this morning, with your pounding headache and mountains of overwhelming embarrassment, how your day would end, kissing Rafael Barba would be the last thing you would’ve guessed. 

You stare at him for a few seconds, unable to breathe, then awkwardly say, “Sorry for making you sleep at your desk last night.”

Barba lets out a sheepish laugh. “You saw that, huh?”

“Happen often?” you glance over at the coffee machine, already knowing the answer.

“More than I’d like to admit.”

There’s a beat of silence. You glance up at the framed Harvard Law degree that you noticed on the first day you met him. Still ostentatious. 

“How about you make up for those drinks you owe me by taking me out to dinner?”

“Oh, so the coffee counts for nothing?” Barba jabs.

You reach out, emboldened by the kiss, and straighten out the lapel of his jacket. “Coffee is its own thing, Barba. This is about whiskey.”

“Ah, I see,” his gaze follows your hand as it drops from his chest. “It might take more than one dinner to make up for the tab you racked up last night.”

You squint at him, stepping away from his desk and towards the door. “If you’re gonna be a dick about it I’ll ask Carisi instead.”

Barba pushes his chair in and starts packing up his things. “Just give me a minute. Where do you want to go?”

--

I know I said there would be some smut with my next Barba fic, but I really wanted to continue this story and these two ain’t ready for it yet. It was enough work to get them to kiss, goddamn it. I’m thinking of continuing with at least one more part though, so high probability of smut adjacent stuff soon!

And apologies for the growing fixation on coffee in my fics. I’m not a huge caffeine addict, but I’ve recently been really missing my favorite coffee shop in one of the libraries on my campus. I can still remember the last dark roast I got days before classes were moved online…

[angelicdestieldemon]

Tension (Day 4 of Christmas) NSFW

Prompt was building tension between Olivia and Rafael with smut

DT: @roughlifeofchelsea

SHIP: Barson

Requests are open for the next 21 days, I write for Barson, Bangan, Barisi and potentially other Rafael Barba ships (even other Raúl Esparza characters too), just talk to me on asks or private messages.

It started with the beard, he’d been gone for a week and when he came back, he had a beard. The most Olivia had ever seen him with was stubble and even then, it had been gone the next day, but now he has a beard, a full beard of dark hair with more prominent grey hairs than he ever usually let show. It should have made him look older, but it was attractive, and Olivia knows she shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts, Rafael is her best friend, her confidant. But every time she sees him it’s like a switch has been flicked and all she can think about is the beard, how soft it is; how thick; how it would feel against her skin, her face, her chest. And then she realises what she’s doing, and she feels guilty for reducing him to some sexual object of her desire, but it won’t stop. It’s not that he was unattractive before, Olivia has always felt a draw towards him, whether it be his confidence; his intelligence and quick wit; that smile he sends her way sometimes when he knows he’s impressed her. All of those things have sent a thrill up her spine. And then he grows a beard and all of a sudden that thrill has been sent in the opposite direction, it’s getting distracting.

The first day she saw the beard, her mind had gone entirely blank, she could see he was speaking but heard none of it. Her mind frantically trying to process his appearance, the only good thing about the interaction was her ability to refrain from reaching out to touch him, when she finally came back to herself, he was smiling at her.

“Were you saying something?” Internally all she could do was weep in embarrassment hoping that she wasn’t too obvious in her lusting over a man she should not be thinking those kinds of thoughts about.

“Mouth closed, Benson, or you’ll be catching flies,” she sees him reach out as if to close her mouth for her, but he diverts at the last second and instead pulls away a stray hair that has connected itself to her lipgloss.

She appreciates the gesture but can’t help feeling disappointed that she doesn’t get to experience the sensation of his hands on her skin. Hell, it wouldn’t even be the first time, he’s wiped away her tears, hugged her when she needed it and held her hand when she needed his support. His touch made her feel good, but not entirely in a sexual way, in a way that she associated him with being safe, a feeling of warmth and care… home. He feels like home. That feeling is still there but maybe it’s because she hasn’t been with anyone in so long but everything about him is clouded in a red-hot desire to feel him, really feel him.

Even now, sitting at her desk, attempting to get through the paperwork that piled up during their last case – she’s thinking of him, his hair showing more and more grey, the beard only drawing more attention to it. The pure masculinity of it paired with a pink shirt and tie, telling everyone where they can shove their stereotypical views of masculinity and colours. Everything about him is screaming at her to do something, to do what she’s been stopping herself from doing for all these years. And it’s getting worse, every time she lays eyes on him: that pull is a little bit stronger, every grin he shoots her way makes her stomach drop, each touch making her suddenly feel she can’t breathe or speak or think of anything but him.

And with that, she needs to go home, clearly, she isn’t going to be getting any more work done tonight, Noah is with Lucy giving her a night to herself and after all the frustration she has been feeling it might be time to make use of the privacy.

“Going home?” God hates her, that’s the only explanation for why she is being put through this, she doesn’t want to, but Olivia looks up anyway, a reflex for the sound of his voice.

It’s all she can do not to scream, his tie is gone, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, and his hair looks like his hands have been through it one too many times. In other words, perfect material for when she gets home if only, she didn’t feel so guilty about it.

“That was the plan, unless you have something for me,” Poor, poor wording that is not helping her frustration.

“Actually, I was wondering if you want to grab a drink, it’s been a while since we last caught up?” He asks, his voice hopeful, leaning against the door looking like a walking wet dream.

Stop it. She wants to scream at herself, the frustration eating her alive, making her skin tingle. But as much as she wants to just walk over and grab him, she has missed just talking to him, with Rafael, the conversation comes easy, he makes her laugh, makes it as easy to be vulnerable as it is to be happy. Standing there with that hopeful gleam in his eyes, Olivia can’t say no to him, and despite the mess that she is at the moment concerning him, she doesn’t want to.

“Sounds perfect,” she smiles at him and dammit, he’s grinning back.

Forlini’s is packed when they arrive, which is unsurprising as it is a Friday night on the lead up to Christmas, that doesn’t make it any less irritating. Luckily, however, the staff recognise them as regulars, and they are able to find a booth just big enough for the two of them towards the back. The table is pushed into the corner of the booth, a small round thing making them sit closer than normal, their thighs pressed almost obscenely together, and Olivia is cursing every deity she can think of for torturing her like this. The lighting is dimmer and as they are at the back of the bar, there is an illusion of privacy in the otherwise busy bar.

They order their drinks, a glass of wine for Olivia and scotch for Rafael, and she feels comfort in the normalcy that provides. The noise level in the bar making them have to lean in to be heard.

“How’s Noah?” He asks, and she sighs in relief, Noah is a safe topic.

She ignores the way he moves his arm to rest on the booth behind her head, allowing him to lean in closer as he listens to her.

“He’s good, staying with Lucy tonight, giving me a night off, which I think is needed. He gets so worked up at this time of year and as much as I love to see him so excited, I do need a night off from baking gingerbread until all the counters are covered in icing and gumdrops.”

Rafael smiles and huffs out a laugh, and she relaxes into him, everywhere they are touching, thigh’s, his arm around her is warm and if she pushes a little more against him, he doesn’t mention it. And they continue to talk, about Noah, and his mother and the squad. She pushes him to talk about Carisi and how proud he is of the detective turned lawyer, although he’ll never say it out loud: she reassures him Carisi knows.

For her own sake, she drinks water after her first glass of wine, not trusting herself to refrain from doing something stupid, like kissing him. And there she goes again. She takes another sip of the water, before catching a glance at his watch, he must see her expression change because he too looks at his watch and realises how late it has gotten.

“I think it’s home time,” he grins at her, but she can see the tiredness in his expression, it has been a long week for all of them.

He helps her put her jacket on, and before she can do it herself, she feels his fingers trail across her neck untucking hair trapped inside the coat. Once again, the skin is on fire, the trail he leaves behind shooting electricity down every nerve in her body. Rafael disappears to pay their tab before she can stop him and she waits outside, hoping the cold will help her cool down. After a few minutes he joins her and they begin the walk back to her apartment, they walk in a comfortable silence their arms brushing occasionally. In a moment of insanity, she hooks her arm through his and he pulls her closer, closing any reasonable gap between them until they are walking side-by-side down the street.

The walk is both too short and too long, her brain is running a thousand miles an hour, furiously trying to think of how this night will end, either way, she can see herself in bed with him: only one option he is entirely in her head and the other in her arms. Try as she might, she’s not sure which version she would prefer. Her head is telling her not to risk losing what they have, her heart is telling her to let herself be happy.

She’s not naïve, she sees the way he looks at her, not just with desire although there has been plenty of that tonight, but that look of love, of care. He wants to see her happy, she sees his heart break when hers does. She remembers how he looked when he found out about her and Tucker, the devastation on his face was clear to see and she never wants to see him look like that again. He loves her, as much as she loves him; wants hers as much as she does.

Head or heart, she doesn’t want to get this wrong.

They arrive at the door of her building and her body is so tense she feels like she might snap. He turns to face her without releasing her arm from his, they are close enough that she can feel the heat from his breath brushing across her skin, goosebumps making the hairs on her neck and arms stand straight.

Rafael opens his mouth and then shuts it, re-thinking what he was going to say, and then his hooded eyes meet hers before trailing down to her lips and she can’t breathe. She can see him getting closer and her pulse is racing, this is it.

Her phone rings, cutting the air and it's over. He’s still so close but stagnant, they both know she can’t ignore her phone when it's ringing this late, whoever it is, it’s an emergency. He pulls away, a smile on his face but it's neutral, there’s warmth in his eyes but they both know their night has reached its end.

“Benson?” She answers the phone, an apologetic smile on her face.

He squeezes her hip in response before pulling away, and it shouldn’t make much difference but without him, she feels cold. He watches her while she listens and the heat in his gaze makes her look away.

When she ends the call, she shoots him another apologetic smile, “I’ve got to go back in, a girl has come in wanting to make a disclosure and she’s asked for me by name.”

“Are they sending a car for you or do you want me to call you one?”

She wants to kiss him, for understanding, for caring. She shakes her head, “They’re sending one for me. You can head home though; they won’t be long.”

“And leave you standing outside, alone, in the cold, at this time of night? What kind of friend would I be?” He teases, and knocks his elbow against hers, settling in to wait.

At first, she thinks it’s a fluke. The moment before they finally happen, and they get interrupted, until it keeps happening. They spend a lot of time together over the latest case, the girl being the daughter of a woman she once helped when she was a detective, she wants to cry that both mother and daughter are victims to men who refused to take no for an answer. Many late nights she spends in her office, Rafael’s arms around her, consoling her when she would rather be doing anything else but cry. It’s supposed to be a happy time, December, every morning she wakes up to Noah’s smiling face and she’s happy with him, she smiles when he does and enjoys the time with him she can manage before she goes to work and remembers the case her team are working on. Luckily for the girl, Alicia, they are able to apprehend the man responsible, the evidence they were able to collect making the man’s lawyer not even try to argue, its an easy case, if you could even use the word easy. Either way, Barba gets a plea, the man going to prison for a long time, and Alicia will never have to see him or worry about him again.

But it’s not until the Christmas party that she sees Rafael outside of the case. She wasn’t expecting him to come, these things aren’t usually his favourite place to be but when she opens her door and sees him standing there, a bottle of wine in his hand, in a suit that makes her mouth go dry she knows he wasn’t going to miss a chance to see her.

It’s just her squad and Rafael, Noah spending the night at Amanda’s with her sitter and kids. Allowing both mothers’ to be able to relax, have a drink and enjoy the festivities. The Christmas lights she and Noah put up along the walls give the room a nice ambience, the drinks are flowing, and Olivia feels herself smiling properly for the first time since that almost night with Rafael.

The two of them sit on the couch, closer than they should be considering their company but she can’t bring herself to care. She can feel the heat of him against her side and she leans into him regardless of the looks she can see Amanda shooting at her. One by one they leave, Amanda first whispering to Liv (smirk prominent on her face) that it’s very late so Noah can just stay the night instead of being brought over by the babysitter like they had originally agreed. Fin and Carisi heading out at the same time, she also ignores the sly looks they give her. Honestly, she wonders how old they are sometimes.

And then they are alone.

When she returns to the living room Rafael is gone, as are the glasses the others left behind. Walking over to the kitchen she sees him washing the glasses, his sleeves rolled up the sight of his strong forearms is enough to heat the simmer in her stomach that has been building since she opened the door to him. She watches him while he finishes up, her eyes sliding from his strong arms to his broad shoulders, highlighted by the suspenders he insists on wearing, unaware of the effect it has on her. By the time she gets to his ass, she can feel the tension in her, her hands itching to just walk over and grab him like she’s being dreaming and fantasising over for years.

He dries his hands and turns to face her, his eyes burning a trail from her legs up her body until their eyes meet, and the look on his face is one she will never forget. His eyes are darker than she has ever seen on him and they're filled with one thing, pure desire, for her.

And she can’t wait any more, so she doesn’t.

In two strides she’s across the room, her hands are on his shoulders and she’s kissing him, finally, after all this time. And he’s kissing her back, his hands grab her waist and pull her against him until there is no more space between them. All Olivia can think of is him, the taste of his tongue as it slides across hers in a sensual, satisfying way. The way Rafael kisses her is confident but explorative, he focuses on her reactions, every gasp she makes telling him what she likes. Just when she feels like she can’t breathe he pulls away, long enough to recover before he’s back and she’s melting into him again.

The heat of him against her body reassures her that this is real, he is real, this isn’t some dream she is going to wake up from or some fantasy that will end when she climaxes.

He walks her backwards to the wall and she appreciates the support it provides as the feeling of his beard brushing along her skin as he trails hot kisses down her neck makes her knees go weak. The urge to feel him becomes overwhelming as he bites her neck and soothes it with his tongue. Her nails scratch down his back and even through the material of his shirt she feels how affected he is, his hips pressing harder against her.

Grabbing his shirt, she pulls until it's free from his trousers and her fingers make quick work of the buttons before his mouth is back on hers leaving her breathless and desperate for everything, he can give her.

The fire inside her is burning hotter and hotter by the second and Olivia is so consumed by everything she’s feeling that suddenly she’s falling on to her bed. Her breaths are coming quickly and the sight before her is enough to make her rub her thighs together in an attempt to relieve the ache she can no longer ignore.

His hair is a mess, she can’t remember when she did that but it’s clear it was her doing, his shirt is open, and Rafael is pushing the suspenders off his shoulders in a way that excites her beyond comprehension. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, she sits up to pull her shirt over her head and throw it to the floor, her bra following.

She looks back up at him, and his eyes burn into hers, she expects him to look down to her breasts, but his eyes hold hers as he leans down and kisses her breathless all over again.

“Is this ok?” He asks, and her heart soars. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him, so they’re flush against each other once more.

“I’m done holding back, I want you, all of you and if you’re not ready that’s fine but don’t hold back on my account.”

He kisses her again and she can feel the difference, ge trails wet kisses down her neck to the valley between her breasts. The movement slow but sure, as though he is savouring every moment with her.

This time when her hands reach her hair, she can feel the soft strands and when she pulls, she can feel the moan he lets out, so she does it again. He latches on to her nipple, sucking and biting it until it’s hard before blowing cool air making her arch her back into his touch. He repeats the process on the other side until she’s begging him, for what she doesn’t know, all Olivia can think about is she wants more of whatever he will give her.

She groans when he pulls away but stops when she sees him taking off his trousers and boxers and is about to follow his lead when he takes her hands away from the button on her jeans and places them back on his shoulders. He catches her eyes as he kisses down the skin of her stomach to her navel and the softness of the gesture makes the burning inside her feel like butterflies. And she knows that this isn’t just sex to him, this is as much to him as it is to her and she smooths her hands along the skin of his neck to stroke across his jaw and lips, he nips the pad of her thumb and she laughs.

He unbuttons her jeans and pulls the zip down; every inch of skin he reveals he kisses. He pulls the jeans down her legs and off, her underwear following quickly and finally they are bare to one another. Rafael pushes apart her thighs and kisses his way down one leg, the anticipation is unbearable, his beard creating the most incredible sensation, the roughness of the hair in contrast with the softness of his lips and tongue. She can feel the heat of his breath along her centre and then it’s gone and he’s starting again on the other leg, she wants to grab him and put his mouth where she wants it but the feeling of his lips worshipping every inch of her body is overriding her every impulse.

But this time when he reaches her, he doesn’t move away at the last second, his mouth is on her and her hips snap up into the heat of his mouth. His forearms come up to hold her hips down and she can see the bulging veins as he pins her hips to the bed.

The sensation of his lips and tongue are relentless in making the coil inside of her build and build until it snaps and every nerve ending on her body is on fire, Olivia’s eyes slam shut, and she sees stars as she rides out the feeling, his mouth never stopping its stimulation. The beard is everything she knew it would be, the skin of her thighs feels sensitive in the best way. When she can’t take anymore, she tugs on his hair and feels the moan rip from his throat.

She pulls him up along her body and kisses him, the taste of herself on his lips and tongue is intoxicating and she loses herself in the taste until the weight of his length brushes her thigh, and she feels guilty for not giving him the same attention he gave her.

Wrapping her arms around him she rolls them over, straddling his hips, and she can feel his length pressing along her centre in a way that makes the momentary relief of her orgasm begin to burn again. But the way he is looking at her makes her pause, he must see her hesitation because he smiles and sits up to kiss her.

“Don’t stop, please, just take it slow, I want this to last,” he whispers and clutches her to him.

She understands him completely. This is their first time, she doesn’t want to remember it as some frantic sex one night in December. He doesn’t want that memory either, he wants to make love to her, here and now, when they have the chance to go slow without the constant fear of being interrupted. So, she kisses him and lifts herself up on to her knees her arms locked around his shoulders.

He helps her get into the right position before she slowly lowers herself on to him, and it feels so right, the length of him stretching her more than she expected and when she finally reaches the bottom she has to stop and breathe. All the while Rafael is laying soft kisses along her neck and collarbone, his hands stroking her back, soothing her until she’s ready to continue.

And then she starts to move, slow but sure movements, guiding them towards release, she takes her time, letting the feeling build, focusing on the sensation of him inside her, and the gentle touches of his hands and lips. She can feel an ache begin in her thighs, but she ignores it as the coil inside her begins to tighten once more. She buries her face in his neck, latching on to the soft skin, biting and kissing, tasting the sweat as he begins to lose control. She can feel his hands gripping her waist, helping her roll her hips against his, the speed building, the two of them moving in sync. She can feel herself on the edge, and she moves faster trying to push herself over the cliff but it’s not enough. Olivia is about to slide her hand down her front when she hears him. Groaning words into her chest, the words ‘I love you’ again and again and again. And then she snaps, waves of pleasure rolling over her until she all she can see is white. Rafael follows her over the edge and the feeling of him finishing inside of her sends another wave of pleasure across her nerves.

They ride out the feeling together until they’re collapsing back on to the bed, their arms around each other, their breathing only just starting to return to normal. Olivia knows they should get up and clean up, but she doesn't want to leave the warmth of his body against hers, so she grabs the blanket off the bottom of the bed and pulls it over them both, burying her head in his neck. He kisses her hair.

“I love you, Rafa.”

“I love you, Liv.”

[rafivadafreddy]

When You Were Mine.

A Rafael Barba One-Shot

So I’ve been obsessed with Hamilton lately, cause come on. Its amazing. So, I took three songs... Congratulations, First Burn and Burn annnnnd I made THIS! I hope you enjoy this. much love!!

Warning: Spanish, its sad. Our Rafi is a cheater. SMH

Looking at the pictures in her hands, she walked towards his office, wanting to get to the bottom of this whole thing. Hoping that it was all a lie, a silly and idiotic lie that someone came up with. Surely, Rafael wouldn’t cheat on her. Not like this. He wouldn’t do to Adeline what Yelina did to him.

As she neared the office, she froze. Carmen wasn’t at her desk. Walking over to the office door, Adeline stopped when she was about to knock.

“What am I gonna do Liv? Surely Adeline saw the paper already.” She heard the voice of her fiancé. “I told him he had nothing on me! But he did… this guy has been following me around for almost a year!”

Looking down at the newspaper in her hand, Adeline felt her eyes tear up.

“Well… clearly, you have invented a new kind of stupid, Rafael.” Liv spoke up. “A damage you can’t undo, kind of stupid…” Adeline could practically hear the smirk appearing on Olivia’s face. “Truly, you didn’t think this through… kind of stupid! I mean you told the people threatening you and your position here to go ahead and post whatever they had on you? You should have sent it to the post and written it all yourself.”

“Look! I made a mistake! Ok? I know that!”

“Yeah well, we all begged you to take a break, Raf. You refused to.” Liv sighed and stood up.

Adeline quickly turned around and rushed out of the building. Keeping her head down the whole time as she made her way home. It was half an hour later when she arrived at the Brownstone the two had bought together.

Walking to her living room, Adeline shed off her coat and pressed a few buttons, so the fireplace lit up. Going to grab a glass of wine, she brought the bottle with her as she sat on the couch.

Almost two hours later, she heard the door open and Rafael come inside.

“Carino?” his voice called out before stopping short when he saw her in the living room.

“You know, we’ve known each other for so long Rafi… since high school.” Adeline spoke softly, her eyes sad as she watched the fire dance before her in the fireplace. “I saved every single letter you wrote me. From the day I saw you in school and you were helping me find my class… I knew you were mine… You SAID you were mine…” her voice broke and she closed her eyes. Tears slipping down her cheeks. “I thought you were mine.” She whispered.

Standing up and wiping at her cheeks, she turned to face the man she was supposed to marry, “Do you know what Olivia said? After I told her what you’d done?” she asked and took a step forward. “She said, “Ade, you are going to marry a sarcastic, asshole! He is way too obsessed with his job.” Ironic isn’t it?” she scoffed and set the wine glass done. Cursing when some spilled out onto the floor.

Seeing him try to take a step forward, Adeline pointed a finger at him. “DON’T!” she snapped. “Do not take another step in my direction! You understand? I can’t be trusted around you. Just don’t! You think you can talk your way into my arms? You won’t!”

“Adeline, please…” Rafael pleaded, and she just shook her head.

“I’m going to burn everything you wrote me, every picture we have… everything.” She told him and frowned. “You can stand there if you want. I don’t know who you are… clearly I still have so much to learn!”

“That’s not true, mi alma! You know me, you know I love you...”

“I was re-reading your letters… now I’m going to watch them BURN!” with that she tossed a few papers into the fire.

Rafael took a step forward, but he couldn’t find the right words to say.

“You let them publish the letters between the two of you? The pictures of the two of you?!” she turned her head, Rafael taking a step back when he saw the red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “You let the WHOLE WORLD know how you brought this girl into our HOUSE! Our BED! You have RUINED our lives!”

He shook his head. “No… no, I’m the one who’s going to get ruined! They were after me…” he said in a small voice.

“Are you so paranoid? How they perceive you… You, you, you! ONLY YOU?” she was yelling now, her chest felt tight like someone was holding her down. “Do you think this won’t make ME look bad? YOU EMBARRSSED ME RAFAEL! Clearly, I’m not women enough to satisfy her man! So, he has to go out looking for someone else to sleep with!” she practically hissed at him.

Pushing him away when he tried to step closer to Adeline. She felt her breathing quicken. “Honestly… Heaven forbid someone whisper that you aren’t good enough or try and talk you down… your enemies whisper, and you have to SCREAM! Prove them ALL wrong!” she wiped her cheeks with both hands.

“It’s not like that, mi alma… I love you. I’m so sorry.”

Adeline just shook her head again. “I see how you look at Olivia, Rafael.” She whispered, only to cover his mouth when he went to say something. “Don’t. I’m not naïve. I see the women around you at the events we go to. How you put on your charm, they all fall for it! All your charms…” she laughed humorless.

“I’m leaving, erasing myself from your narrative. Let everyone wonder and think and come up with their own conclusions of how I reacted when you went and BROKE my heart!” She frowned, the tears finally stopping. “You have thrown it all away, Raf… and for what? A few nights with some exotic lover? I was supposed to be your legacy, built it together… a family.” Shaking her head, Adeline sighed.

When Rafael grabbed her hands, dropping down to his knees in front of her. Adeline had to try to stay strong. “Mi amor… por favor. Lo siento mucho. Por favor mi alma… perdóname.” He was crying now as he held onto the fabric of her long dress. “Te quiro mucho. No me dejes.”

“Rafael… you forfeit all rights to my heart and the place in our bed...” she said in a soft voice as she watched him, begging and crying into her dress. “You’ll sleep in your home office instead. With only the memories of when you were mine and I was yours…”

After untangling herself from his hands, she quickly moved to the stairs and rushed up them. Locking herself into her bedroom, Adeline fell onto her bed in a mess of tears.

Rafael was down in the living room in the same position. On his knees on the floor. Head bent down as he cried. How could he do this to the women he loved? How could he cheat on Adeline like Yelina had done to him? How could he be so stupid.

How did you like it? I KNOW I HAVEN’T BEEN ON BUT MY OTHER STORIES WILL BE UPDATED SOON. I’ve been having some... mental health problems. But i’m slowly getting in a better place<3

If you think I should do a part two, tell me! Other than that, heart and share this story! Much MUCH love from me to you! xoxo

[barisi-bartender]

Responsibilities Outside of You

Pairing: Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi

Genre: Angst

Warnings: None that I can find

Word Count: 609

Synopsis: Stress doesn’t help fix a strained relationship

A/N: Hell of a 180 first a confession fic now a breakup one. I got so sad writing this so it might be bad. This is a one shot and not part of “totally canon...”

Rafael was getting frustrated, he really was trying his best. It felt hopeless trying to pretend this was still working. Not that Sonny wasn't trying either, it was just bad timing for them both.

SVU cases were never easy but the ADA's office had been putting more pressure on Rafael than usual. He just wanted a break, he was tired of coming home completely exhausted. As much as he loved his job, he felt like it was killing him.

It didn't help either that Sonny was dealing with the stress and expectations of his own job. He was slowly starting to feel fed up with everything. He was more irritable and it was like every sound annoyed him.

They saw each other everyday at work. Not that they didn't enjoy the other's presence. It's just that they wished they could go home to and have someone to vent to, just to ease some of their stress. Instead they're coming home to someone equally as drained as them.

Their apartment was dead silent, not even the sound of the TV. There was a palpable feeling of tension that loomed over them. It was a gradual build up as their stress built up as well. The frustration they both had was almost visible. It was inevitable there'd be a breaking point.

Rafael walked into the squad room where he was supposed to meet with the team to discuss the case. The lights were a little too bright. The noise was a little too loud, he was just barely holding it together.

"Where's the Captain?" Rafael asked when he spotted it was just Sonny

He took a long drink from his coffee "She went out with Fin, to talk to the witness"

"Again? I thought we already verified everyone?" The ADA sighed in frustration

All Sonny could do was shrug it off "It was not my choice, Counselor" he placed his cup down on the table loudly

Rafael cringed at the sound "What is your problem?" he said before he could stop himself

"My problem? I don't have a problem" Sonny scoffed "Just that you're being an annoying prick" he says under his breath

"Excuse me?" Rafael gasped in disbelief "I'm being an annoying prick? You're the one who's been pushing me around since this case started!"

Sonny threw his hands up "I wouldn't have to push you around if you actually listened to me!"

"I have my own responsibilities outside of you, I am sorry that the DA's office is pushing me to get this case over with!" Rafael raised his voice

"This isn't about me Rafael! It's not even about our relationship, I'm just asking you to stop being such a condescending asshole!" Sonny yelled back, they were both now shouting at each other in the middle of the squad room

Rafael took a breath "If you have such a problem with it then why don't we just end this? clearly neither of us even think it's worth trying to work this out"

"Fine" Sonny clenched his fist and sighed "If you want to end this, then it's over" his voice was soft again

Rafael nodded slowly and took another breath. His entire demeanour changed, one that Sonny recognised from when they first met. One that was purely stern and professional. "I'll call Benson myself later to discuss the case" he told Sonny "If she asks tell her to meet me at my office" And then he left

All Sonny could do was watch him walk away. He felt numb, not empty, or sad, just numb. Rafael's figure disappeared past the doors leaving Sonny alone in the squad room again.

[thatesqcrush]

Soul Savin’, Pt. 3

Rafael Barba x Reader. AN: Taking a lot of liberties and using a lot of prompts and part of a challenge here, specifically: @madpanda75‘s “from your smutty prompt list, can you please do “Friends don’t do this kind of shit!” where Barba and the reader go to a bar, have some tequila, then do some body shots” as well as @delia26‘s “I turned out liking your a lot more than I originally planned.” Finally, using Jewel’s “Who Will Save Your Soul” as part of @thefanficfaerie‘s birthday challenge. 

CW: language, eventually it’ll be NSFW. Angst, continued slow-burning.

CW: for mentions of 9/11. 

WC: 2500

***

You woke up the next day to pounding on your apartment door. You groaned as you shuffled out of your room. “Just a minute,” you called as you pulled on your fluffy purple robe. The banging on your door intensified. Irritated, you called out once more. “Coming!” You found a lone hair tie on the end table by your couch and you took it, pulling your hair into a low pony-tail. You opened the door and found no one there. Confused, you were about to close the door, when you noticed a package with a note. Your heart began to pound and you crouched down to get a closer look. You sighed in relief when you realized the lettering on the box was from the NorthFork donut company, a small artisinal shop that you were obsessed with.  Your eyes darted past the box and there was a growler of coldbrew coffee, from your favorite local roaster, SailAway Coffee Company.

You took the package and growler and shut the door behind you. You could smell how fresh the donuts were from even outside of the box and your stomach growled. You made your way back to the kitchen and set the goodies on the island before going to get a glass for the coffee. You spooned some sugar into the glass and then opened the growler to pour the coffee in.

Carefully, you opened the donut box and instead of getting caught up in the delicious sight before you, your eyes settled on the note that was taped on the inside lid. Your name was scrawled in Rafael’s handwriting.

Y/N, I am sorry for last night. Mea culpa. I just really miss my friend and hope I didn’t fuck it up for good.

You sighed and pondered Rafael’s note. You wondered had you not had a thing for him, would you even be so forgiving. You grabbed a fancy looking chocolate donut and then went back to your room to grab your phone. You hopped onto a barstool and wrote Rafael back.

Thanks for the donuts and coffee. Didn’t take you for someone to be so cliched. Come over, help me finish the coffee. Can’t make any promises on the donuts.

Rafael texted he would be over within the hour. You were tempted to eat another donut, but instead chose to shower.

--

“Do they just let anyone on the roof?” Rafael asked in disbelief as he took in the view of the city before him from your rooftop.

“No, but sometimes being a cop has its perks,” you winked before taking a sip of your coffee. “I like to come up here in just when it gets a little too much for me down there, it's like...like my New York version of a mountaintop.”

The sun was beaming down brightly but there was a cool breeze, not making it overly warm. You brought over the donuts to the little table that you had set up. Rafael leaned against the railing, watching you as you set up the donuts.

“I’m sorry.”

You paused your actions and stood straight up, to face him. “I know. I got your note.” Rafael walked over to you. His hand rested on your forearms. You searched each other’s eyes.  Part of you wanted to do nothing but smooth back some of his hair that had fallen out of place but you refrained from doing so. “Look Rafael – I don’t understand our relationship. Sometimes we’re friends… sometimes it feels like we’re strangers. You have to be honest with me.”

Rafael Barba, the silver-tongued prosecutor suddenly found himself at a loss for words. His mouth went dry and he swallowed hard. His stomach was in knots. Unable to look at you, he turned away, facing the skyline once more.

“It’s complicated.”

“Bullshit.”

You marched back up to Rafael and stood to face him. “Talk to me. What is it? Please.”

Rafael looked at you and he felt awful for being the reason your face was laced with worry and concern. He wished he could tell you how he felt about you – that all he wanted to do was to kiss you – and then some. You crossed your arms and bit your lip, anxious at his pending response. Something – you weren’t sure what – flashed across Rafael’s face and all you wanted to do was rush up to him and kiss him. You stepped closer to Rafael and he stepped closer to you.

“It’s work,” Rafael lied. “Just have been stressed. It’s the summer so a lot of people are off and I just bit off more than I can chew.”

You sighed. “Okay. If you say so.” Rafael did not miss the hint of disappointment in your voice. You walked back over to the table and grabbed a donut before sitting down on a wicker love seat. You chewed slowly as you looked up towards the sky. A pigeon flew overhead before settling on the ledge. The bird cooed at you as it eyed your donut. You tore off a piece of your donut and tossed it towards the bird.

“I don’t think donuts are part of a well-balanced diet for a pigeon.”

You snorted. “Are you some kind of pigeon expert? Is that your side-hustle Rafael Barba?”

Rafael guffawed as he sat down next to you. You reached over and handed him the donut box. Rafael chose a black and white donut – it was just like the cookie – but in donut form. You leaned your head on Rafael’s shoulder and the two of you sat there in silence, for what seemed like forever. The heat from the sun melted the glaze from the donuts and your fingers were sticky. You sucked the sugary coating off of your fingers slowly, not realizing Rafael’s gaze was hyper-focused on your movements. You closed your eyes and hummed and Rafael felt his desire shoot southward.

Rafael stood suddenly. “Anyway, I have to get going – I am glad we’re okay.”

You stood, brushing off invisible crumbs from your lap. “No – stay.”

Rafael pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly before pulling away to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll see you, Y/N.”

--

Strip clubs have reputations for being havens for drugs and sex trafficking for a reason. And that is was the scene of your next case – a stripper was brutally assaulted by a pimp there. Olivia had the idea of setting up a honeytrap with you going undercover. You showed up to the precinct all dolled up with a face full of heavy makeup and your hair in half-up and half-down in soft sexy curls.

“What are we working with?” Olivia asked, pointing to your trench coat. “I don’t think that is going to fly on the stage.”

You opened your trench coat revealing your actual outfit: you were outfitted in pure sin: a matching purple lame crop top, with a deep neckline, which accentuated your breasts and booty shorts with a ruched backing. Obscenely large hoop earrings hung off your lobes and your wrists were stacked with bangle bracelets. Finishing your outfit were shiny black patent five inch heels that accentuated your well defined calves.

At that moment Amanda came in with Rafael and Carisi on her heels. “We’re all set up to go… hey, hey, looking good, Y/N.”

“What is she… “ Rafael began but found himself at a loss for words as he took in the sight of you. All the blood in his body headed south. “Do I want to know why you're dressed like that?  Wait a second… Y/N – you’re the mark for the honeytrap?” he asked in disbelief.

“Well who else would it be?” you asked. “Liv’s mug is all over the paper – Rollins is … you know…” you waved your hand over Amanda who was very clearly pregnant. “And Kat is on vacation visiting her mom in San Diego.”

“Liv, I don’t like this,” Rafael replied quietly. “This could get dangerous. I am worried about Y/N’s safety.”

“We don't need to get your approval. Besides, Y/N is tough – she can handle her own.” Olivia replied, giving Rafael an incredulous look. “Besides, we’ll have eyes and ears on the place. The first sign things are not going well, we’re moving in.”

“Hello? Hi – let’s not talk about me, in front of me,” you replied, waving your hand in between Rafael and Olivia. “Rafael – I got this,” you replied with an eye roll. “It’ll be fine.”

--

Rafael sat inside the stakeout van, cramped and uncomfortable. Inside the van was Olivia and Carisi. Olivia was feeding information to Fin who was inside the strip club, also undercover as a customer. Clipped in your earrings was a tiny camera recording every move.

Rafael watched as you were announced on the stage as “Sage Whisper.” You were nervous initially, especially as you knew Rafael was watching you. You chose to dance to “Lady Marmalade.”

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahHe sat in her boudoir while she freshened up Boy drank all that Magnolia wine On her black satin sheets' where he started to freak, yeah

As you swung your body around the pole, you allowed yourself to get lost to the song and got really into your performance. You bent down to touch your toes, in front of the audience giving everyone a view of your ass, the material of your shorts rising up, almost being eaten by your cheeks when you stood up. You sauntered back to the pole and gyrated your hips as you shimmied off your shorts, revealing your black G-string. Just as you were about to clip off the back of your top, you were requested to go to a private room by the pimp your team had eyes on.

Meanwhile in the van, sweat dripped off Rafael’s brow. He wasn’t sure if it was you, the closed quarters, or both. Judging by how tight his pants were growing, he was sure it was you. He shifted uncomfortably as he watched you saunter off the stage and head to a backroom. The pimp had his hand low on your back, before moving down to squeeze it.

Rafael wanted to throw up.

--

You played your bit to the pimp, egging him on and teasing. Finally, the pimp had enough and he had backed you into a corner, his hand gripping your hair tightly, cocking your head.

“Watch it bitch – or I’ll do to you what I did to the last slut who came in here.”

You raised your brow in defiance. “I’d like to see you try.”

What you didn’t expect was to be pistol whipped. You collapsed to the ground and groaned in pain as you were kicked in the ribs. Around you was a cacophony of sounds – you could hear Olivia and Fin in the background along with several other police backup entering the room with their guns raised.

You could barely hear your name as your ears continued to ring. Finally, a pair of hands pulled you up and helped you out of the room.

Back outside, you shivered as you sat in the back of an open van, your head still pounding. You wore Liv’s police jacket in a futile attempt to keep warm. “Y/N, you did good,” Olivia replied softly. “I have your change of clothes. I’ll bring them by while you get checked out.”

“I don’t need to be checked out; I am fine,” you protested. Olivia raised her hand and shook her head.

“You need to be checked out. You are probably concussed and you might have a bruised rib or even a broken one.”

You sighed. “Okay. I’ll come up to the station after to finish up my paperwork.”

“Nonsense – you can do that on Monday. Take the rest of the weekend.” You began to protest when Oliva held a hand up. “That’s an order detective.”

“Ay, ay Captain,” you muttered weakly. Olivia waived over an EMS worker and as you were checked out, Rafael rushed to the van.

“Y/N, are you okay? Jesus fucking Christ!”

“I’m fine, Rafael. I promise. Just some bruises. Nothing that won’t heal in a couple of days.”

“Olivia gave me your clothes.” You nodded and gave him a small smile of appreciation as you took the duffel bag. You climbed into the van and began to shut the doors. “Make sure no one drives off with me in it – I am going to change.”

A few minutes later you emerged in a ratty sweatshirt and your most comfortable, broken in jeans. Your appeared out of place with your heavy makeup and costume jewelry still on. You winced as you removed your fake eyelashes. Rafael felt horrible for what you went through. “Do you have to go back to the precinct?”

“No. Liv gave me the weekend off; told me to finish my paperwork Monday.”

“Come on – let me get us a cab. We’ll go get some food.”

You smiled brightly. “That sounds perfect.”

--

You winced slightly as you laughed as Rafael told you an embarrassing tale of him as a kid. You popped a French fry in your mouth, reveling in the hot, salty carb. You were both back at the bar in Midtown.

“So you never told me why you ever came to this bar in the first place. Those many weeks ago.” Rafael trailed off, taking a long sip from his beer bottle.

You plucked a fry from Rafael’s plate and chewed it slowly, mulling over your next words. “I went to high school in the city and I was a senior when 9/11 occurred. When my friends and I were let out, we could not find a subway out of the city. So we ended up holed in this bar – this very bar. The owners of the bar – fed us never ending fries and sodas until we were able to connect with our parents. A cop came to get us a few hours later and drove us home. I have been a frequent flyer since I turned of legal age – more or less,” you chuckled. “And then Sean – one of the owners - died a few years ago to ALS.” Your voice warbled at the last bit and a tear threatened to fall. You wiped your greasy hands on a napkin and then used the back of your hands to wipe your eyes.

Rafael reached over and took one of your hands into his and squeezed it. You gave him a small smile and took a deep breath and a look around. “Okay, lets have a shot for Sean and for this night being an overall success despite…” you trailed off, casting a hand over yourself.

Rafael signaled for the bartender.  Six shot glasses were lined up. And then again. And again.

When you first got ready for the evening, you never thought it would end with you and Rafael doing body shots. As Rafael sucked a mark into your neck, you gasped, “Friends don’t do this kind of shit!”

“Then I guess we were never friends,” Rafael husked in your ear, before pulling away to toss the shot back.

TBC.

Tags:  @melsquared79 @madpanda75 @youreverycolor @tropes-and-tales @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @delia26 @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolon @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoollike @fanficfaeriesrafaelbarbalibrary @theenchantedgalleryofstories @thefanficfaerie @trekinthruthestarwars @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty​ -anyone else, just ask, xo

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 24*

Alright I REFUSE to make this story any longer, so the next chapter IS the finale, I swear to you.

This is just one more little loose end I wanted to throw in, maybe it'll come back around the epilogue. Who knows?! I know.

I would have started the "Wedding Day" here but I really wanted it to be it's own chapter, so this is kinda short and I'm not gonna lie if I have to I will make the last chapter 20 pages long to fit the ending in. That being said I have some stuff to do tomorrow night and work the next night so I may or may not split up writing the last chapter between those and post it late Sunday or Monday.

It's worth it I promise! I'll make it worth it.

Part 23

Finale!!

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------

The next day Rafael asked you to come by his office once again, making you nervous. Especially when you showed up to the Mayor and a Lawyer to greet you along with Rafael.

“Pinguino,” Rafael smiled as he met you at the door with his arms open wide pulling you into a kiss.

“....More interviews?” You whispered as you eyed the two other men.

“Actually, they haven’t told me what they’re doing here yet,” Rafael whispered back as you both walked over to the men sitting at Rafael’s desk. Rafael pulled another chair around to his side so you could sit next to him. He had a feeling this would take a while.

“So...gentlemen,” Rafael cleared his throat. “What’s this about?”

“Well Barba it’s about your wedding,” The mayor replied.

“...Why am I not surprised..?” He shook his head with a laugh.

“Actually Mr. Barba I think you’ll find this visit different from others the mayor here has sprung on you thus far,” His lawyer answered.

“...And that would be because…?” Rafael raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Because Mr. Fenkell here says that I owe you financial compensation for all you’ve been doing for me,” The mayor replied rather gruffly as he crossed his arms like a petulant child being called into the principal’s office.

“...Excuse me?” Rafael looked at both of them with confusion.

“Well Mr. Barba, I’m surprised you haven’t either realized or brought up the fact that the situation that you’re in is called ‘quid pro quo’,” The lawyer explained.

“Yes I know what ‘quid pro quo’ is counselor, we went to the same law school,” Rafael snarked. “And I graduated with higher honors than you,”

“Barba I’m here trying to help you out, I don’t know why you’re lashing out at me,” The lawyer now crossed his arms.

“Baby,” You put a hand on his. “Just let the man talk,”

“Right,” He nodded reluctantly. “Go on,”

“Like I was saying,” Mr. Fenkell pulled out papers from his briefcase. “I assume you and your fiancée here have been going along with the Mayor’s requests for fear of losing your job, correct?”

“I mean, not mine per say,” Rafael shrugged. “THAT would be illegal,”

“Right,” Mr. Fenkell nodded. “But everything he’s done thus far involving you and your fiancé's likeness entitles you to royalties, and dues for services,”

“Well, that is true,” Rafael nodded. “I’ve been so preoccupied with everything else I haven’t even stopped to think--”

“Which is exactly why I’m here,” Mr. Fenkell cut him off. “I figured a competent lawyer like yourself would realize when all the dust settles, that you were indeed entitled to a sum of money, and would therefore sue the Mayor after the fact,”

“Wow, that’s a lot of assuming on your part sir,” You laughed softly. “You really think Rafael is that shit of a--”

“I mean he is right,” Rafael finished for you.

“...Or I’m just an idiot,” You muttered.

“No, baby you’re not an idiot,” Rafael took your hand. “But we are entitled--YOU are entitled for some kind of compensation for all that you’ve done for the mayor--for me,”

“I thought my compensation was getting to marry you,” You smiled sweetly.

“Aww,” Mr. Fenkell remarked, causing an eye roll from the mayor.

“Right so--” Mr. Fenkell began laying papers filled with legal jargon on the desk in front of you and Rafael.

“This contract states that once we settle on a number, you won’t try and collect more from the mayor with some random claim like ‘emotional distress’ during your wedding, or events thereafter due to all of this,”

“...Trauma?” You couldn’t help but laugh. “You think that after everything I went through, I would classify this as trauma?”

“I mean theoretically you could, Ms. Y/L/N,” He nodded. “The emotional stress of reliving your trauma and trying to plan a wedding while on display for the whole city must be taking a toll on you right now, is it not?”

“...Well it wasn’t until you said it like that,” You muttered.

“Dammit Maxwell I told you, they were perfectly fine with--” The mayor began to pitch a fit.

“Oh no no no,” Rafael wagged a finger at the mayor. “Just because she’s ignorant of the--”

“Excuse you?” You crossed your arms at Rafael’s condescending tone.

“I mean, just because she doesn’t realize or recognize the emotional stress she’s under doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have it, and doesn’t deserve compensation” He looked to you apologetically while he re-worded the statement. You gave him an approving nod.

“Right well this is what this is for--”

“And what kind of price tag have you put on my fiance's feelings, counselor?”

“Well if you’ll peruse the contract, counselor…” Mr. Fenkell pointed to the bottom of the paper.

“This contract blah blah blah, no further seeking monetary blah blah blah…” Rafael spoke out loud as he scanned the document. Then suddenly, his eyes widened and he stopped reading, looking at you then Mr. Fenkell then the Mayor.

“...A million dollars?” He raised his eyebrow, skeptical.

“...What?” You gasped.

“....Each,” He added with a smile as he handed you the paper. You didn’t know a lot of the words, but in plain black and white you read: “...In the form of one million dollars per plaintiff,”

“I’m sorry, WHAT?” You said louder than you intended, but that was insane.

“That’s insane,” You said out loud. “I don’t need that kind--”

“Baby,” Rafael stopped you and pulled you slightly away from the mayor and his lawyer. “I know that you get antsy when good things happen to you, but you deserve this,”

“For what?!” You hissed. “For taking a few photos? For letting a camera crew in a church? Rafael I just--”

“...But think of everything before that, carino,”

“What, Nevada? That--” You shook your head.

“Wasn’t your fault,” Rafael finished.

“...Well it wasn’t the mayor’s fault either, Raffi,” You nodded at the mayor.

“But he is exploiting you for it,” Rafael pointed out.

“....True,” You nodded.

“Excuse you two, but I--” The mayor began to rant again.

“And if I may add,” Mr. Fenkell jumped in. “While Mr. Barba was worried about his job, you also had reason to be worried about it as well. Being as he is your only means of support,”

“Right now,” You quickly added.

“....Right,” Mr. Fenkell gave you a side eye. “Currently,”

Clearly this douchebag thought what everyone else must be thinking. That you were just marrying Rafael for his money. So that you could be a ‘kept’ woman. Well, he was about to learn that was the furthest thing from the truth.

“Alright then,” You finally said. “Then I want my share to go to Rafael, if we’re going to be married it’s his anyway,”

“No no no no, Nuh-uh,” Rafael shook his head. “Your share is your share,”

“...But I don’t want you to think that I’ve got some... ‘escape money’,” You gave him a sad look.

“Escape money?” He laughed. “Baby I told you, I think the last thing I should be worried about is you leaving me,”

“....Also true,” You nodded with a soft smile. You sure as hell had not gotten this far working this hard to ‘get’ Rafael to just give him up. Ever.

“Okay then, do I tell you where I want the money to go or do I do it myself?” You asked Mr. Fenkell.

“...You already have plans for it?” Mr. Fenkell asked you. “...Didn’t you just say you didn’t want it? Why would you--”

“Just answer the question,” You said flatly.

“I mean Mr. Barba could just draw up the contracts and paperwork for you to transfer your funds wherever you--”

“But Mr. Barba is my husband, not my lawyer,” You cut him off. “...And I’d like to keep that way,” You looked over at who Rafael looked at you in confusion.

"Not Mixing business and pleasure," You smirked.

“Right,” Mr. Fenkell nodded as pulled out a legal pad and a pen. “Well I can make a list of where you want to divert the funds and we’ll go from there,”

“Okay,” You took a deep breath. “Well, first of all-- obviously,” You took Rafael’s hand. “I want to pay off the rest of my time at Julliard,”

“That’s unnecessary, carino--”

“Yeah I know you say that Rafael, but I was going there before I met you and it’s not your respon--”

“It’s already paid for, in full,” He spoke over you.

“...What?” You asked him with a breathy voice. When did he have time to do that?! WHY-wait.

“But I’m going to need an extra semester since I’m taking the rest of this one off,” You said softly as you glanced at the other two in shame. You still felt guilty about Rafael having to basically babysit you for the past few weeks.

“Yeah I figured that.” He nodded with a smile, stroking your cheek. “It’s all taken care of, carino,”

“...Alright fine then I want to pay it back,” You insisted.

“No,” He shook his head. “Absolutely not,”

“Rafael come on--”

“NO,” He repeated sternly. “I won’t take it,”

“....Alright, fine,” You rolled your eyes. “Then I want a chunk to go to abuela--”

“No I have them covered too,” He shook his head. “And they are definitely NOT your responsibility. And before you say next that you want it to go to Maria, she will never accept it. We're too proud of a people," He smiled teasingly.

“...Fine,” You sighed in frustration. “THEN I want a chunk of it to go to opening a drama center,” You crossed your arms and looked at Rafael. “Any objections to that, counselor?”

“...A drama center?” He looked at you curiously.

“Look,” You took both of his hands. “I know you couldn’t-- your mom didn’t want you---” You took another breath, trying to figure out exactly what to say. “...You had to give up your dream to take care of your family,”

“Carino…” He took your hand.

“And my parents, they spent all the money we had on dance lessons, acting lessons, all of it. On ME. Just so that I could live my dream,” You continued. “Kids should be able to dream their dreams without their parents having to worry about money to do so,”

“But...your dream, Y/N. You want to be on Broadway. How are you gonna fit--” He started to speak but you were nowhere near done with your speech.

“Baby my dream was selfish,” You shook your head. “I wanted to be famous for the wrong reasons. To be adored by the world, to be loved by everyone. But, now I know the only person’s love I care about, is yours,” You stroked his face.

“If I open this place then I can still use my talents as a teacher, helping kids like us. I told your mom that when I met you, you made me a better person, that you made me want to be better. I want that to be true. I need that to be true,” You finally finished with a small smile, tears lined Rafael’s eyes.

“You are the best person I know, mi amor,” He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “I think the center is a great idea,”

“Good,” You smiled. “And….I want to name it the Y/L/N-Barba Drama Center,”

“....Well obviously after you,” He nodded.

“No,” You shook your head. “After you. And my parents. Because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have found you, and you gave me everything I’ve ever wanted,”

“I love you,” He beamed at you as he kissed you deeply.

“...And on that note,” You turned back to Mr. Fenkell who looked wildly uncomfortable by your little cutesy side conversation.

“I want the rest to be split between a savings account for me, and the other half into a trust,”

“A trust?” Mr. Fenkell asked as he wrote down your wishes.

“A trust for our children,” You smiled at Rafael. “My parents spent so much money so that I could live my dream. I think it’s only fair I do the same for them; especially when I have the means to do it,”

“See those redneck shithead Jersians have no idea what they’re talking about,” He pressed his forehead against yours. “You are not selfish, not at all,”

“Thanks to you,” You pressed your own forehead against his like a love head butt.

“....Okay, so is there anywhere else you’d like it to go, Ms. Y/N?” Mr. Fenkell said rather loudly, trying once again to remind you there were other people in the room. People who were not amused with your disgustingly cute conversations.

“Um, no I think that’s good,” You nodded.

“Split up mine the same way, Max,” Rafael added.

“Rafael you don’t need to--” You started to protest but he put a finger to your mouth.

“I have money,” He assured you. “I have enough money to take care of us for the rest of our lives. This money should go somewhere that represents the both of us, and our love,”

“Can we please for the love of God just end this, please?” The mayor groaned. “If I have to sit here and watch you word vomit your love all over this office, I might actually vomit,”

“Right,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Well gentlemen you know where to find us,” He grabbed the pen and signed one of the contracts then handed it to you and you did the same.

“Now if you’ll excuse us we’re going to ‘love vomit’ all over each other now,” He smirked as he handed back the papers. Mr. Fenkell and The mayor nodded as they walked out.

“Well, what do you want to do now?” Rafael wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“As tempting as that sounds, I have another request mi amor,” You played with the hair on the back of his knuckles with a soft voice.

“Anything for you pinguino,”

“Well I mean, you have some pull over there,” You nodded outside towards the courthouse that was attached to the DA's office by a hallway.

“...Why, do you need parking tickets dismissed or something? Did I agree to marry a felon?” He teased you.

“No,” You giggled. “But I would like to skip the ‘name changing’ line,” You pulled him closer as his smile grew bigger.

“I don’t think that’s what they call it, but I appreciate the sentiment,” He kissed you as you both walked towards the door of his office and out into the lobby.

“We’ll be back, Tommy,” He told his assistant.

“Right sir,” He nodded.

“This way to the ‘name changing line’, pinguino,” He smirked as you walked down the hall towards the courthouse.

------

--An Hour Later--

You and Rafael walked out of the courthouse and down the steps hand in hand as you pulled the two papers from his hands. One was a marriage license, and one was a form that was filled with boring legal jargon but at the bottom was printed: “Legal Name: Mrs. Y/F/N Barba,” with your new signature on the dotted line.

“Mrs. Rafael Barba,” You smiled as you looked at the paper.

“Oh no no no,” Rafael shook his head with a laugh. “That sounds like you’re my property, pinguino,”

“True,” You nodded with a teasing smile.

“...So why the sudden urgency to change your name, carino?” He asked as you walked down the street hand in hand. “Not that I’m complaining. I'd be lying if I said just looking at your name with my last name makes me giddy,”

“Giddy?” You gave him a look.

“Yeah, I said it. Giddy,” He laughed.

“...I don’t know, it was something that my therapist said,” You shrugged.

“...And what did she say?” He asked you skeptically.

“She said,” You sighed and pulled Rafael out of the flow of traffic of people.

“She said that women who don’t take their husband's last names had one foot out the door of the marriage before even going in,” You looked up at him with soft eyes. “And I don’t want you to think that I am any less than 100% sure of my love for you, and the rest of our lives together,”

“Well, first of all I’d like to see her marriage to divorce ratios based on that assumption,” He rolled his eyes. “And second-- I appreciate the sentiment baby, I really do. Just as long as you did it for you, and not because your therapist guilted you into it,”

“She didn’t,” You assured him. “I did this for me. For us,”

“Well then Mrs. Barba,” He took your hand once again with a huge smile. “Let’s grab some dinner, shall we?” He asked in a melodramatic, fancy tone.

“We shall, Mr. Barba,” You answered in the same tone, making both of you giggle like school kids.

Now all that was left to do was actually get married!

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Fresh Start part 7

Cuteness :) This is the start of my favourite parts all coming soon! Hope you like it

Dinner went fast; a little small talk was had a few giggles and laughs here and there. You weren’t really sure how to act around him after what happened in his office before your victim turned up. If only she turned up 10 minutes later things would be more clear. He clearly felt the same about you, as you did about him, that was the second time he had tried to make a move, but it just never seemed to work out. Was that a sign or what? Guess you would have to wait. You were both tip toeing around each other, but not in an awkward way, more in a way, who was going to make the move first. Before you knew it, you were back at the court house. Most of the lights where off and you seen cleaners walking around.

“We are going to go to a court room. You have never sat on the stand before; you need to get a feel for it.” He told you. He was brutal. He held nothing back and you gave as good as he could dish out.

You looked at your watch, it was 1.30 am, you rubbed your eyes which were watery stinging and blood shot.

“Are we done yet?”

“No, I don’t think you’re ready, your answers are good, but the defence is going to be brutal with you tomorrow. You need to be prepaid for anything and everything they throw at you.” 

You rolled your eyes, huffed and kept going for another hour. Rafael could see how tired you were, he was too. He just wanted to hold you in his arms and hug you till you both fell asleep, but you needed to be ready. A cleaner pocked his head around the door.

“Let’s move to the office.” He said to you.

You both walked back to his office not speaking a word, you were just way too tired. You stopped at the bathroom on the way back and he waited for you outside. As soon as you walked into his office you went and sat on his couch. You lent your head back on the top of it closing your eyes.

“Come on Y/N, I know you’re tired, but you need to be prepared.” You put your hands over your face. “OK, OK!” you said back.

You carried on for another 40 minutes. “Raf, I’ve had enough.” You complained throwing your hands onto your lap like a frustrated little girl. He came and sat next right next to you on the couch; really, he might as well have sat on top of you. He knew by your reaction he had pushed you too far at this point. You lent your head back so it was half on his shoulder, half on the back of the couch. “I know, have a rest for a bit Y/N.”

****

You could see light through your eye lids, you were warm, and you slowly opened one eye and let it adjust before you opened the other one. Somehow, not sure how, you and Rafael were laying on the couch; he had his arm around you and you were on his chest with your head resting under his chin, your arm around his waist, with his big brown over coat over you both. You sat up slowly and he started to stir. You moved as slowly as you could, so you didn’t fully wake him, as you got up on your feet, he grabbed your hand and ran his thumb over the top of it, you looked down, he had one eye slightly open,

“Morning Y/N”,

“Morning Raf” you answered back with a small smile. He gave you a smile and sat up and rubbed his face. You looked at your watch, “OH MY GOD RAFAEL, its 8.30.”

“Shit.” He said back,

“You need to go home and shower, and be back here by 9.30.”

“What about you?”

“I have a spare suit here, GO now.”

You hadn’t even taken your shoes off before you fell asleep, you didn’t even know you fell asleep. You ran for your life, lucky you got a taxi and in no time you where home. You jumped in the shower. You had to wash your hair, you couldn’t go another day without. You jumped out, grabbed a black a line skirt and a short sleeved flower button down shirt, short sleeves so the jury could see your arms. You tied your hair back wet in a neat bun. You threw your make up and a mirror in your bag and you put on your shoes and badge and you ran for your life again.

As you ran into Rafael’s office at 9.40, you slowed as you got closer to the door and walked through to see the squad sitting around the conference table. You looked over at Rafael standing behind his desk in a black pant suit with a white shirt, blue tie and blue suspenders, different from his usual 3 piece. Who still wears suspenders you thought to yourself. Lucky he looked amazing in them, how you would love to wrap your hands around them to pull him in for a kiss.

Everyone looked at you, “I’ll be 5 minutes, let me put some make up on”.

“Barba work you too hard last night?” Fin smirked and Nick laughed.

“You could say that.” You said with an eye roll.

“Leave her alone, she hasn’t had much sleep the last couple of days.” Amanda stuck up for you.

Once you were finished, putting on makeup the quickest you had ever in your life. You all started to walk towards the court room. Nick was testifying before you, so you somewhat felt alright and not too nerves. Liv, Fin and Amanda all patted you on the shoulder and walked in to find a seat. Nick was on the phone, just out of ear shot. 

Rafael stood in front of you; “Are you OK?” you nodded and looked down. “You will do great, I know I said last night you weren’t ready, but your come backs give me a run for my money. Just don’t lose your cool or they will have a field day” he smirked and grabbed your wrist and gave it a little squeeze. “I’ll be right there with you.” he smiled at you softly.

“Wish you gave me pep talks like that Counsellor.” Nick said smart mouthed walking towards you both. Rafael quickly letting go of your wrist.

You turned to face Nick, “Don’t be a smart ass Nick, it’s my first time testifying, you could be a little more supportive.” Rafael smirked and turned away to walk into the room.

“Amaro, watch your mouth and do your job up there, actually have your partners back this time. I don’t feel like losing today.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Sure counsellor.” Nick walked over to you and grabbed your lower arm turning you towards him, “I’m sorry Y/N, and I know I should be more supportive. But when it comes to Barba, I have to push his buttons, he likes you, you know.”

You looked up at Nick with surprise, you back handed him playfully, “Come off it Nick your crazy.”

He threw his hands up, “What! It’s clear as day, everyone can see it.”

“What like you and Amanda?” You spat back jokingly. He went red; you giggled and put your hand on his shoulder. “Nick, keep it quite OK, partner to partner, but I like him too, a whole lot. And I know how you feel about Amanda. You should just go for it.”

“Who says we haven’t?” he smirked back, you laughed.

“Partner to partner OK.” He looked back at you, you nodded, and just then Nick’s name was called. “I have your back always.” And he walked through the doors into the court room.

40 minutes later you heard your name and you were walked in, onto the stand. You were sworn in and you sat down. As you looked out to the court room, you seen everyone and you felt ill. “Pull yourself together women.” You said to yourself until you met Rafael’s gaze, he had his poker face on, but what you seen in his eyes, claimed you down straight away. He was there with you, you trusted him and you knew he would protect you if he needed to.

Barba questioned you first and it went well. The defence was harsh, but you bit back with just enough to keep your cool, but stand your ground so the jury believed you. Every now and then, you seen Rafael give you a little nod as he approved of your answer to questions and when he didn’t like a question he objected. Your questioning went on for nearly an hour, before you were asked to stand down and the jury retired for a verdict.

You all walked out of the court room, and Rafael came straight over to you with a huge smile on his face. “Well done Detective, you did amazing.”

“Thank you Counsellor, you prep pretty well.” You giggled.

You all walked back to his office and he put on some coffee. You started to eat a cookie that you got from the coffee station in his office, it was the first thing you eaten all morning. Liv started to make everyone a cup of coffee, when Carmen walked through the door. “The Jury is back.”

“In 20 minutes?” Nick said. You all walked back to the court room. The other Victim who also testified before you and Nick, sat between you and Amanda, she grabbed on to your hand for dear life as the jury read their verdict.

Both men were found guilty. The young lady lent over and hugged you with tears rolling down her cheeks. “We did it.” You said in her ear. Rafael turned and seen you comfort her, it made his heart swell watching you.

You all walked back to Barba’s office, happy. Two bad men had been put away. You felt amazing, you all did.

“We need to celebrate tonight. Dinner and drink?” suggested Amanda

You all shouted “Yes” at once and laughed.

“You going to join us counsellor?” said Liv.

“Sure why not.” He answered back looking at you.

“Let’s meet at 7 at the station and we will go from there. I’ll book a table somewhere.” Said Liv “Y/N, you take the rest of the day off, go home and sleep and meet us at 7. You can work your first night shift with Nick tomorrow and you can catch up on paper work. Rafa, you should do the same.” Everyone walked out patting you on the back, Nick winking at you and closing the door behind him. You were left with Rafael. He walked over to you and took you in his arms and hugged you tightly.

“I’m so proud of you. You didn’t disappoint.” he lent back and put his hands on your shoulders, his smile was so soft and loving; he then lent down and placed a light kiss on your lips. “Go home and rest and I’ll see you at 7 tonight.”

You lent in and gave him a kiss back, lightly.

“Thank you for being there for me today; I wouldn’t want any other ADA to not disappoint me.” You looked at him smiling. “Liv is right, you need rest as well. You need to get ready to celebrate tonight.” you winked at him. He nodded and hugged you again. “Go and rest Y/N.” You nodded and walked out the door.

He finished off some paper work and walked out to Carmen. “Clear my afternoon and tomorrow morning Carmen, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.” And he left before she could even answer.

He got a cab home. He sat looking out the window, thinking how amazing you did today and how nice the kiss felt. Nice, small and simple and the butterflies he felt when you kissed him back the second time. Your first time on the stand, was like it was your 100th. He couldn’t wait to spend time with you tonight, yeah the rest of the squad was going to be there, but it didn’t matter. When he was around you, nothing mattered. He felt amazing waking up to you this morning. Yes, it was only by chance you had fallen asleep on him. But something was there, something amazing. But did you feel it too? You must, you wouldn’t react to him the way you did if you didn’t. You wouldn’t have kissed him back. Guess tonight would tell.

[octothorpetopus]

Half-Past Midnight (Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi)

It's 12:32 a.m. and Rafael Barba and Sonny Carisi are still awake.

A/N: okay, so technically I wrote this last December, but I never put it on tumblr so I figured I’d share it here, because I thought it was pretty good! thanks for reading, and I always read and appreciate any comments or feedback you have!

There was only one office still lit up at 1 Hogan Place this late at night. In the darkened DA’s office, it seemed to Rafael Barba as if it were the only light on in the whole of Manhattan. Laughter echoed through the empty building, a rare combination of Sonny's unrestrained, drunken giggles and his own hysterics, which sounded unfamiliar without the usual air of constraint. There was no need for constraint now, with a half-empty bottle of tequila between them, jackets, vests, and ties all discarded and littering Rafael's desk. He had his feet kicked up on his desk, not caring if Sonny could see his solar system socks.

They had been drinking for almost two hours now, sipping tequila out of coffee mugs (Rafael's custom-made #1 ADA mug, a secret Santa gift from last Christmas, and Sonny's favorite glow-in-the-dark Batman mug. It was the only mug that Rafael allowed to stay on the shelf below the coffee maker in his office), and they had been working long before that, but when Rafael suggested breaking out the tequila, Sonny had suggested that maybe they shouldn't get drunk while they worked. It didn't matter, anyway. They had reached a dead end in the case- no one more to subpoena, no more witnesses, no more evidence. They weren't going to win, and that was clear. So they drank, and they smiled, and they laughed, because what else can you do?

They were playing Never Have I Ever now, having exhausted all of their normal conversation topics (politics, the Rangers- that's it), and having played far too many rounds of ADA/defense attorney/cop Fuck, Marry, Kill, a game which, despite their best efforts, they would never be able to clear from their minds. Both of them still had all of their fingers up, and the game had just begun.

"Alright, never have I ever... had sex with a coworker." Rafael rolled his eyes and took a long sip. Sonny snorted. "Really? Who?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Rafael muffled a laugh at Sonny's horrified expression. "Not that it's that bad, I just don't want it to be weird the next time you see each other." Sonny's eyes widened even further. "...I'm just making it worse, aren't I?"

"Can you give me a hint, at least?" Rafael considered for a moment. He liked how easy it was to fuck with Carisi, because he could fuck with Rafael right back.

"Okay, fine. She's not a cop." Carisi visibly relaxed, then tensed.

"Wait. If she's a woman, not a cop, and I've met her, then... oh my god. Oh my god." He finished off the rest of his drink and refilled it. Then he chugged half of that, his green eyes watering.

"Hey, it's not even your turn!"

"I'm sorry, but no amount of alcohol will ever wipe the image of you and Rita Calhoun having sex out of my head!" Rafael snorted.

"I never said it was Rita." But Rafael's poker face got weak when he got drunk, and he flushed a little.

"Jesus Christ, Rafael! Was it at least before she became the enemy?"

"Yes. Mostly."

"Fuck." Sonny made a retching noise.

"You know, for a catholic boy, you've got a hell of a mouth on you."

"Fuck you." Rafael took another sip. "And it's your turn." He considered momentarily.

"Never have I ever... lost a karaoke contest." Sonny sneered and gulped tequila.

"Not all of us have Broadway-worthy musical talent, Rafael."

"Yeah, but not everyone has your ability to never, ever sing the right note, Dominick."

"Karaoke night with the whole squad was a horrible idea and I still resent you for it."

"That's just because you lost."

"Shut up." Sonny tapped his fingers on the side of the mug, a familiar action that meant he was thinking hard. "Never have I ever gotten suspended from work."

"Low blow."

"Takes one to know one."

"That doesn't even make sense in this context!" They both burst out laughing, and by the time they were done, they weren't 100% sure what they'd been laughing about in the first place. "Never have I ever been in love." Sonny stopped mid-chuckle, the amused expression on his face fading into confusion and curiosity, clearly jarred by the sudden change in mood.

"Never? Like, never?" Rafael just nodded. "I... how?"

"Don't know. It just never happened."

"Oh." That seemed to be all Sonny could say, because he repeated it. "Oh." He tried to smile, but it didn't go any further than a small curve in the corner of his mouth. "That took an unexpected turn."

"Sorry." Rafael coughed. "I'm a shitty drunk. All over the place."

"We've gotten drunk together enough times that I know this is the time I'm supposed to walk you home. Come on." Sonny stood, but Rafael didn't move. "Let's go." Rafael still didn't move, just gestured towards the window with his chin. Sonny followed his gaze and they watched snow fall onto the sidewalk below for a few minutes. It had begun to pile up, just wet enough to be icy.

"I live twenty blocks away, it's the middle of the night, and it's snowing like a Hallmark movie on Christmas. Do what you want, but I'm not going."

"What, you're just going to sleep in your office?" Rafael pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a thick fleece blanket. "Oh," Sonny replied, his question answered.

"The armchairs by the fire are decently comfortable if you don't have back problems. You can stay, if you want." Sonny regarded Rafael oddly for a moment, somehow detached and yet curious.

"Thanks." He sat back down. Rafael's head tipped back. All of his limbs were heavy with exhaustion. They didn't talk for a bit, just drank and watched the snow fall. It was falling faster now, somewhere between a flurry and a blizzard. Every so often, Rafael sneaked a few furtive glances over at Sonny, watching the reflection of the snowfall in his eyes. He was struck with a vision of Sonny standing out in the snow, flakes catching his eyelashes, coming to rest in his hair, on his coat, drops of water trickling down his forehead as it melted. "What?" He was snapped from his thoughts by the realization that he was staring, and he had finally been caught.

"Nothing." He cleared his throat and flushed pink.

"You lied."

"Hm?" He met Sonny's eyes again.

"You lied."

"Yeah? About what?" Now Sonny blushed, but he didn't look away.

"When you said you'd never been in love. You lied."

"How would you know?"

"You've got a tell."

"I do not-"

"You look to the lower right and scratch your left ear." Rafael froze, thinking. "Trust me, you do."

"Oh."

"So, why would you lie about that?" Sonny arched an eyebrow. "You had no reason to. It was your turn to come up with the question. So you were, what, trying to convince yourself? Why?” Rafael couldn’t even tell if Sonny knew the answer. Hell, he didn’t know if he himself knew the answer. Sonny stood up again and circled the desk, sitting on the other edge so close to Rafael that Rafael could see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. “Why?” He asked again, and this time, Rafael answered. He wound his fingers tight around Sonny’s collar and pulled down. The space between them seemed infinite, but closed within seconds, and then Rafael’s lips were on Sonny’s, a position he’d imagined they would be in only in his dreams. In fact, this had happened in his dreams a hundred times in the last two years. Not always in his office, sometimes in the empty squad room or their favorite dive bar or even the secluded courthouse stairwell. And just like in his dreams, Sonny didn’t pull back. He pushed forward, leaning into Rafael, his movements intense as he slid one hand into Rafael’s hair, tangling his fingers into the gray-black mess. His other hand rested lightly on Rafael’s cheek, radiating warmth into his already warm face.

His own hands had somehow teleported to Sonny's waist, one or two fingertips brushing over bare skin where his shirt had ridden up. Sonny reached back just for a moment to yank the rest of it out, never once breaking the kiss. Rafael pulled back first, his breathing shallow and heavy.

"Are you-?"

"Yes." Sonny knew what the question was before it was even asked, and his own answer long before that. He leaned back into the kiss, this time reaching up to unbutton his own shirt, then Rafael's. They slid to the floor, gathering Rafael's soft, quilted blanket around them, not that they needed it. As cold as it was outside- and it was plenty cold, a near-blizzard- the office was bathed in a soft gold warmth as they melted into each other like snowflakes on the window pane.

"Thank you." Sonny snorted as Rafael rolled onto the floor beside him, breathless.

"For what? My d-"

"If you say your dick, I'll throw your clothes out the window."

"Okay, well, I wasn't gonna say that." Still, he quieted.

"Thank you for making me- for letting me- Christ. For wanting me, I guess." Rafael turned onto his side so that he was facing Sonny. "It means a lot. It means everything."

"Don't thank me for that. It wasn't a choice." Rafael chuckled.

"Way to make a guy feel good about himself."

"That's- shit. That's not what I meant. I meant... I would want you no matter what. I didn't choose to want you, I- I had to. It's like... it's like I'm drowning, and you're the lifeguard who's giving me mouth-to-mouth. In more ways than one, if you know what I-"

"I got it."

"But I would want you even if it were my choice. That's just who you are to me."

"Oh." Rafael brushed Sonny's cheek with an uncharacteristically tender thumb. "We should probably get dressed. I don't know what finding us like this would do to Carmen, or god forbid the DA, but I don't want to find out."

"Right." Sonny stood and offered Rafael a hand. "So, do you remember which clothes are yours and which are mine?"

Carmen did find them the next morning, although they were both very much dressed. She found them asleep in Rafael's twin armchairs, pushed together so that the blanket could be draped over both of them. Sonny's head was resting on Rafael's shoulder, and their hands were interlocked in a vice grip. They looked rather peaceful. Rather than wake them, she just adjusted the blanket, closed the blinds, and shut the door, allowing them a few more moments of peace and quiet.

The snow outside stopped falling.

The storm was over.

[plaidbooks]

Helping Others - an EDL Bonus

A/N: This is the second bonus chapter for Everyone Deserves Love. This takes place in the middle of chapter 12, but can be read before it. Just a date night that doesn’t end as planned...in the words of Rafael Barba, “no means no.”

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tags: implications of smut, mentions of panic attacks, the briefest implication of child abuse (blink and you miss it)

Words: 2k+

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @averyhotchner @permanentlydizzy @mrsrafaelbarba @dianilaws

Devon walked down the hallway towards Barba’s front door. Their original plan was to spend last night together, into the morning, then Devon would leave to get ready for a fancy dinner that Barba had set up. They had been dating for four months now, but this would be their first real, public date, his work gala not included. They disclosed their relationship a couple weeks ago—well, Barba told McCoy; Jenkins didn’t really care, as long as it didn’t interfere with Devon’s work—and this was their first day that they were both off work. Most of their “dates” had consisted of either takeout, or Barba cooking an amazing meal, and them chilling at one of their homes, cuddling on the couch, watching whatever was on tv. Or the rare occasion when they went for a stroll in the Park. Both of them were slightly annoyed at not spending much time together. But they were not annoyed at each other. Never at each other.

Devon smiled as she made it to his door, using her key to unlock it and slip inside. Barba had mentioned coming to pick her up at her place, but she didn’t want to wait. We hardly see each other as it is; why deprave ourselves of even more time? she reasoned to herself. She closed the door silently, listening for where her boyfriend may be. She heard the faint sound of water. Shower still? We’re going to be late…she thought, shaking her head; Barba really could take forever getting ready. But wait a moment, she froze, hearing something else, barely audible over the water.

No way, she thought, sneaking down the hallway as best as she could in heels. Thank god for carpeted floors. She slowly opened his bedroom door, creeping in, trying to force her ears to listen harder. Sure enough, being this close to the bathroom, she could hear him clearly now; Rafael Barba was singing. In the shower.

She grinned, not in a teasing way, as if she caught him doing something embarrassing. Quite the opposite; he sounded…good. Better than good. She was actually shocked at how amazing his voice sounded. She felt her heart soften, her very soul melting as she fell more and more in love with him with every raise of his voice. Almost in a trance, she moved to his bed, perching herself on the edge, and listened.

Devon heard the water turn off, but his voice didn’t lessen. She couldn’t place the song; probably something from one of his theater plays he loved so much. Barba’s voice was muffled briefly—Devon assumed he was wiping his face with a towel—before he continued. The doorknob between the bathroom and bedroom finally twisted, door swinging open. Barba came strolling into the room, towel hanging off his hips, chest still slightly damp, voice still booming. That is, until he saw Devon sitting on the bed, smiling dreamily at him.

He jumped, swearing rapidly in Spanish, before saying, “god dammit Dev! What are you doing here?” He was panting and clutching his chest; it was such an animated response, Devon had trouble not laughing at him.

“I missed you,” she replied innocently, sticking out her bottom lip.

Barba regained his composure, moving to his closet to find clothes to change into, his face turning beat red. “We literally saw each other two hours ago.”

“That was two whole hours ago!” she whined. “Besides, forget that; why have you never told me you could sing like that?”

He dropped his hands to his side, refusing to look at her. “You must promise me that you’ll tell no one about that, okay?”

Devon was stunned at how serious, how sad he sounded. She got up from the bed, moving to lean against his side, uncaring that he was still damp, wrapping her arms around his bare waist, resting her chin on his shoulder. “But Rafi, you’re so good. Why hide that?”

He sighed heavily, turning to look Devon in the eyes. This close, their breath mingled, and Devon thought for the millionth time about how pretty his green eyes were up close. “Because, Hermosa,” he breathed. “That’s all behind me. A path closed off when I was a child. I…I don’t really want to talk about it right now, so can we just drop it? Please?”

“Of course,” Devon murmured back, kissing his shoulder. Questions still buzzed around in her mind, but she squashed them down; he’ll tell her when he wanted to. If he wanted to. And she’d be ready when that day was. “Now hurry up and get ready—you take forever.” She ran her nails over his back teasingly as she pulled away to wait by the bed again, and she saw him straighten, eyes darkening slightly.

“Do that again, and we’re going to be late,” he practically growled. He looked at her, eyes raking over every inch of her body; Devon was in a simple black dress, hem resting just above her knee, neckline plunging low, and hair swept up, exposing the soft skin of her neck.

She winked at him. “Take any longer, and we’re going to be late as it is. Besides, I like the idea of seeing you riled up all night. I feel like it may be worth my while to wait until after dinner.”

Barba chuckled, picking out one of his “fancy” suits, one that he swears is different than his court suits and his weekend suits, even if Devon thinks they look the same. “Fine, have it your way,” he said, voice dropping an octave. “But know that two can play this game.”

She could already feel warmth travelling south. Oh, she knew he was a master at this game, knew that he would most likely win it, too. But that didn’t mean she was going to go easy on him. She laughed lightly, heading to the door. She smirked when she heard Barba groan; he had just found out that her dress was backless, scars on proud display as well as exposing the back of her bra. From the wisps of black lace and hint of red roses that he could see, he knew that she was wearing his favorite pair of lingerie.

 *************************

Amazingly, they made they dinner reservations on time. Barba wasted no time in making his first move; as they exited the cab, he placed his hand on the small of Devon’s back, his warm touch shooting electricity through her. The rough pad of his thumb rubbed circles into her soft skin. This is going to be a long dinner, Devon thought, trying not to think about what else that hand was capable of doing. They entered the restaurant, the hostess leading them to a secluded table. It was lovely; a short vase with two roses were in the middle of the table, a candle lit next to them. The table was next to a window, giving them a view of a small park, couples walking through, huddled together. Barba pulled out Devon’s chair, then scooted her in when she sat, before seating himself. He chose an expensive wine from the wine list, then poured her a glass after the waiter dropped it off.

Devon knew that Barba loved doing this; he loved treating her, giving her things that he thought she deserved. Even if Devon was content with curling up on the couch with popcorn and watching a shitty movie. But he indulged in her ideas of “dates,” so she would indulge in his. Her only real problem was navigating the menu; everything on it seemed 1) too pricey and 2) too rich a palette for her…delicate tongue—the fanciest cuisine she had eaten before was when she put her Chinese takeout on a real, ceramic plate. She went with the safest option she saw on there; some sort of pasta in a reduction of something or other.

“It’s nice going out on a real date for once,” Barba commented after the waiter had taken their order and left them alone once more. He reached under the table, hand brushing against her knee, pushing her dress up slightly.

“I’d agree with you, but with how handsy you are tonight, it seems like you would’ve liked to stay in more,” Devon grinned back, covering his hand with hers and squeezing. He turned his hand over, clasping hers.

“We always stay in. Maybe I want to show you off.”

Devon raised her eyebrows in mock offense. “Oh? And who are you showing me off to, if I may ask?”

Barba smirked back. “Why, all of New York, of course.”

Food came and went, Devon and Barba talking about work things—no one was close enough to hear any of it—before switching to other, more mundane topics. At some point, Barba’s hand had resumed its spot on her knee, the pad of his thumb rubbing soft circles in the skin.

“God, you are beautiful,” Barba murmured over the low-burning candle. He moved his hand higher, fingertips brushing over the skin of her inner thigh.

Devon gasped, eyes fluttering for a moment. “Rafi,” she breathed out. He chuckled low when he felt her spread her legs a little more under the table. Right then, the waiter came up; thank god for long tablecloths.

“Would either of you be interested in dessert?” the man asked. Barba looked to Devon expectantly, but from the lust evident in his eyes, she knew his answer. You’re dessert, he practically screamed with his eyes.

“I’m good, thank you,” Devon said, smiling politely to the waiter. Before the waiter could respond, Devon’s phone went off. She glanced at it before answering “Motely.”

The waiter passed the bill to Barba, thanking them for coming in tonight, and left. Barba looked at Devon, who was looking concerned while listening to whoever was on the other end of the line.

“I thought we agreed no work things tonight?” Barba whispered to her in a huff.

“Hold on a moment,” Devon said before covering the receiver. “I know, baby; I’m sorry. I need to take this. I’ll be right outside, okay?” Barba nodded solemnly. She returned the phone to her ear. “I’m still here.” Devon stood and made her way out of the restaurant.

Barba paid the tab, then decided to give Devon some time, just in case she was still on the phone, so he went to the restroom before making his way outside. He searched the front until he saw Devon, standing a little way away from the entrance, leaning against the wall and talking in a hushed voice on the phone.

“—no, really, it’s totally fine that you called me; I’m actually glad you did! You can always call me. No, yeah, that’s why I gave you my number. Never be afraid to call me, okay? And if I don’t answer, just leave a message, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can. I promise…. No, you’re not bothering me, it’s fine, really. Are you sure you’re feeling better? Okay…okay good. Yeah, yeah I want you to call her tomorrow, okay? I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Okay, bye,” Devon hung up and leaned her head back against the wall behind her.

“Everything okay?” Barba asked, concerned.

She sighed, shaking her head slowly. “I hope so.” She stood up straight. “I’m sorry, I know we said no work things, but that was…an old victim, from an old case. She was in a child sex trafficking ring that I helped break. She was 11 when I found her; she must be 17 now. But, she has really bad anxiety and depression. She has a therapist, but she called her twice and couldn’t get a hold of her and she was having a panic attack and she still has my number so she called me and so I had to talk her down and—”

Barba wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against his chest. “It’s okay. I understand,” he whispered against her head, placing small kisses there. All the annoyance he had felt left him as he held her, focusing instead on how pure his girlfriend’s heart was, at how much she genuinely cared. He stroked the back of her neck with his long fingers, releasing some of the stress built up there. They stood like that for a few moments, Barba gently rocking them back and forth until Devon’s sobs stopped.

“This was supposed to be a night for us, and then I ruined it,” Devon mumbled into his chest.

“No, Cariño. You didn’t ruin anything. You help people; that’s what you do,” he murmured back. She pulled herself impossibly closer to him. God, did she love this man…and hate her work. Sometimes. Only sometimes. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

He led her to the street, waving down a cab. Once in the backseat, Devon voiced the other concern that was in the back of her mind. “I’m…uh, I’m sorry, Rafa, but I don’t think I’m going to want to, uh, do anything tonight. I…it was a really bad case…the things they did to that girl….”

“It’s fine, Hermosa. You never need an excuse with me. In our line of work, especially, you should know that ‘no’ is perfectly fine with me,” he put a hand on her knee, squeezing it lightly. Devon leaned into him, resting her head against his chest while he stroked her hair, whispering how much he loved her.

[breanime]

Butterflies

Requested by @encounterthepast​:  I'm pants at requests but maybe something with Nick Amaro where your name comes up in a case file. Doesn't have to be an SVU case but connected somehow. I love your writing.

So this isn’t exactly what you were asking for, but I hope you still like it!

*gif not mine*

The squad had been working this case for five days now, and they were all starting to get frustrated. Their main suspect looked good for the crime, but they couldn’t get any evidence to stick. The whole squad was working overnight; Nick, Rollins, and Fin had spent the night at their desks, while Olivia stayed with the latest victim at the hospital and Carisi looked at law books all night at the ADA’s office with you and Barba.

By day six, you were all starting to get cabin fever.

As the assistant to ADA Barba, you worked closely with the members of SVU. Truth be told, you liked them. You’d never worked with more professional, caring, dedicated officers in all of your career, and the work you were doing was essential. You were inspired by Olivia, in awe of her strength and bravery, you loved Rollins’ spunk and fire, found Fin’s dry wit hilarious, were charmed by Carisi’s idealism and ambition, but Nick Amaro?

You were in love with Nick Amaro.

It started as a crush; you couldn’t help but eye the attractive detective. And you saw the way he looked at you, too: the lingering looks, the soft smile when he would open a door for you or hand you something, the way he always made sure to hear you out when you were discussing cases… it was just a crush.

Then one night you were helping him go over his testimony for a case, and he ordered food for the two of you, and you talked about your families and pasts, and the next thing you knew… You were in his lap, kissing him while his hands caressed your body.

That wasn’t the end of it.

Your affair with Nick was an open secret—everyone knew about it, from Cragen to Barba to the squad—and you  could barely walk into the squad room without Carisi giving you a thumbs up and Olivia basically smirking at you whenever she saw you and Nick talking. The two of you hadn’t so much as held hands during work hours, but everyone could see the tension and affection between you. Nick’s divorce had been finalized over two years ago, and you knew that you were the first woman he had shown interest in since his wife (or Rollins)… and you had seen your share of worthless lovers, but neither of you had declared yourselves a couple.

But you had to admit, when you feel asleep at his desk using a pile of paperwork as a pillow and he covered you with his jacket…

…there were some butterflies.

So when they brought the suspect in again after he’d attacked another woman and Barba asked you to go in with Olivia and Rollins (this guy did not like women), you brought it. The victims deserved justice, of course, and so did the squad. You were safe, obviously, but at one point the suspect—Andrew Hemper—jumped out of his seat and charged at you. Olivia and Rollins had him pinned down on the table before he could even take a step. You were standing in front of him, arms crossed and unbothered when Nick burst into the room.

“You son of a—” Nick growled, rushing towards him.

“Amaro!” Olivia called, eyes wide. She moved, leaving Rollins to cuff Hemper again, and put her hand on Nick’s chest, pushing him back and out of the interrogation room.

You watched, surprised, as Olivia forced Nick out, and you heard Captain Cragen scolding him from the other room. You made eye contact with Rollins, and she raised an eyebrow, shrugging. This, apparently, was just Nick being Nick.

Rollins took Hemper back to the tombs, and when you went back out into the squad room, you saw Nick following Cragen into his office.

“What the hell was that?” You asked Liv, shaking your head.

“That,” Liv replied with a one-shouldered shrug, “is how Nick shows he cares.” She sat down at her desk. “He can be a little much sometimes…”

“I was perfectly safe,” you argued.

“I know,” she shook her head, “and he does, too, but…” She sighed. “He’s protective.”

You opened your mouth to respond but closed it when you heard the Captain’s door open. Nick walked out briskly, making a beeline for you. “Nick—”

“—What were you doing in there?” He asked, coming to stand in front of you with a glare. “You could have been hurt.”

“I was doing my job, Detective,” you answered, crossing your arms, “and you interrupted. We had him.”

“You had him? He attacked you!”

“He tried to attack me,” you corrected him, “which shows his impulsivity and problem with authoritative women. You had no right to come in and interrupt us!”

“I was trying to protect you!” He yelled back. “You were provoking him—”

“—to get him to make a confession—”

“—and he was about to attack you!”

“Nick,” Olivia stood up, her voice quiet but commanding, “that’s enough. Now, you two clearly have some things you need to discuss, but you can’t do it here.” She inclined her head to the locker room. “Take the show somewhere else.”

You turned on your heel and practically stomped to the room. You heard Liv’s soft chuckle behind you, and you heard her say to Nick “she’s gonna hand you your ass on a platter, Amaro”.

Nick—in a classic Nick move—made sure to beat you to the door so he could open it for you and closed it behind you. You turned to him, ready for a fight, but the fight was knocked out of you…

…or kissed, rather.

Nick pushed you against the lockers, gentle even then, and kissed you, both hands on either side of your face. You kissed him back, wrapping your arms around him. You were both breathless when you pulled back, still holding onto each other.

“I’m sorry,” he said, breathing hard, “I know you were working and you’re capable and everything, but…” He shook his head. “I saw that animal lunge at you, and…”

“I know,” you nodded, “I know… We’re gonna get him, Nick—”

“—we will,” he agreed, “But not by using you as bait. I can’t—I won’t sit back and let that happen.”

You sighed, a strange mix of exasperation and affection welling up in you, and you leaned in and kissed him again. It was wonderfully strange, kissing Nick at work during the workday, knowing the rest of the squad was just on the other side of the door. But you couldn’t stop yourself, you felt so safe and at home in his grasp, so cherished with his lips against yours. “Nick,” you whispered, eyes still closed and lips only an inch from his, “this… we…everyone… people… they’re gonna talk…”

“Let them,” he kissed you again, “They already know, anyway.” He smiled. “I want them to know that I’m yours.”

You felt your heart skip a beat at his words. I’m yours. The butterflies were fluttering around in your stomach again. “If this is going to work,” you said slowly, “then I’m gonna need you to trust me.”

“I do.”

“I need you to trust that I know what I’m doing and that I can do my job,” you went on, raising an eyebrow, “just like I trust you.”

Nick nodded. “I do, sweetheart, I swear I do. Today was just—I was scared.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead against yours. “I want this to work,” he said lowly, “you and me… this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

“Me too,” you said, eyes closed.

You could feel Nick’s smile against your lips as he kissed you, and you melted into his touch, letting those butterflies in your stomach take flight. You felt him relax against you as well, and you wanted to stay in his embrace forever.

But you still pushed him away when someone knocked on the door, making him laugh.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Fin’s voice was loud and clear on the other side of the door, “Hemper is asking to talk to Y/N and Liv. He’s ready to confess.”

You turned to Nick, who took a deep breath. For a second, you thought he would try to stop you, but instead, he gave you one of his soft smiles.

“Go do what you do, counselor.”

So you did. It took you and Liv a little over an hour to take Hemper’s full confession, and you knew Nick and Cragen was watching from the other side of the two-way mirror. And when you came out, Nick was there, smiling proudly.

“Drinks are on me tonight!” Carisi announced as the squad high-fived and congratulated each other on a job well done.

“I’ll be having club soda,” Cragen said with a smile, “but that sounds like a plan.”

You looked over at Nick, feeling those butterflies in your stomach as you looked into his deep brown eyes. He smiled, and you know he felt the same swirl of emotions you did as he stared back at you.

“If it’s all the same to you guys,” Nick said, stepping up and putting an arm around your waist, “I think we’re gonna celebrate on our own.”

You heard the cheers of the squad as he led you out, both of you laughing at their theatrics. There’d be a new mountain of paperwork to fill out in the morning—for the case as well as your now open and confirmed relationship—but you were happy to do it.

Later that night, you lay in bed with your head on Nick’s bare chest, tracing patterns on his skin as he told you stories from his days in Narcotics. Every so often, as he spoke, he would lean down and press a kiss to your forehead or nose, and every time he did that…

…man, you got those butterflies all over again. And you didn’t know it then, but you would get those butterflies a lot with Nick—

--all the way to your wedding day.

*******************************************************************************************

I have a second plot for this if anyone is interested. Pleaaaaase let me know if you’re interested, I’ve been getting kind of discouraged with the lack of notes on my more recent stuff. Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @lexxierave​ @loveintheroyalfamily​ @suchatinyinfinity​ @fanfictionrecommendations-com​  @maxslime-blog​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @songforhema​ @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse​ @themadhatter92​ @realduckvader​ @the-blind-assassin-12​ @christinawxxx​ @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @luminex3​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @ashkuuuu​ @luckysstrikes​ @carlaangel86​ @floralpeaceofmind​ @dylanobrusso​ @teacuplotus​ @iaintnofurry​ @thesumofmychoices​ @ymariejp​ @its-my-little-dumpster-fire​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @whovianayesha​ @holamor​ @drinix​ @rhabakoli​ @stories-you-wont-hear​ @king4thesirens​ @starkrobb​ @marauderskeeper​ @charlylama​ @gollyderek​ @leahnicole1219​ @evanlys19​  @something-tofightfor​ @banditthewriter​  @binbons-is-theloml​

Nick Amaro: @glimmerglittergirl​

[skylarmoon71]

Rafael Barba Imagine (Extra 3)

Warning: Mature content ahead. 

“(Y/N).” your head lifted at Liv’s call. “Yes boss!” you answered. You cursed mentally. She probably caught you staring at Barba again. When she noticed where your eyes were trained previously she smiled. “I know it may be hard to focus now.” you just looked down bashfully. 

A few months passed after his not so subtle announcement that the both of you were dating. Everything seemed easier now. Barba still got jealous sometimes, which was cute. He’d given a death glare to any man that stared at you too long. And he even formed a sort of bond with Nick, which was weird because it felt like the both of them were batting guys away from you left and right. You should have expected as much. 

Liv handed you a file to look over, telling you to chase down a possible lead. You took it, following Nick to go and question a potential suspect. 

~~

When you got back it was maybe around lunch. The lead fell through. It just led you to another dead end. You slumped in your seat, watching the box of Chinese on your desk. You separated the chopsticks, taking the box and opening it as you started to eat. Your feet twisted on the ground absentmindedly, eventually you were facing Barba’s office. His blinds were open and he was nibbling on a pen, eyes fixed on a document. 

Of what you couldn’t really tell. You bit at the wooden chopsticks, wishing you could taste the sweetness that Barba’s tongue provided rather than the roughness of the wood presently in your mouth. Lately all you could think about was Barba. Which wasn’t exactly strange since you were in a relationship. 

But your mind always drifted to something sexual, the familiar tinge between your legs appearing. A soft breath escaped as you tried to get rid of the feeling. This was the last place you wanted to get worked up in. You weren’t sure if he was a mind reader, but his eyes lifted and your breath hitched at the look in his eyes. If you didn’t know any better you would have sworn he was thinking the same exact thing. The intensity of his eyes, even from all the way across the room you could feel the electricity. It made your body shiver. You forced yourself to look away, crossing your legs to dull the sensation that rose. 

You needed a distraction, just settling for eating the remainder of your noodles. You could still feel his eyes, it triggered something in your body. Something you tried your hardest to ignore. 

~~~

“Drinks tonight! On me.” Liv called. Amanda was the first to get out of her seat. Carisi wasn’t too far behind. Pretty soon everyone was piling to leave in the elevator. You joined them, squeezing in next to Amanda. She grinned at you. “Finally joining us, I thought you would bail out.” you shook your head. 

“I could use a drink.” She didn’t question you, which was a surprise. She just seemed happy that you were coming. The doors started to close, but right before it could shut completely a hand stopped it. It reopened and Barba came into view. 

“Room for one more?” Liv shifted to give him some room. “ Sure counselor.” He glanced at you momentarily, before turning his back and pressing a button. Even with everyone in the small space, you could feel the unspoken tension. Amanda and the others were chatting as usual, but you were more focused on a certain district attorney’s butt. You nibbled on your lower lip, unable to tear your eyes away. An onslaught of images appearing in your mind. 

The elevator dinged and your shoulders tensed, hoping no one noticed what you’d shamelessly been gazing at. Everyone filed out and you followed. You didn’t mean to, but you really couldn’t talk to Barba with the thoughts running through your mind. So you striked up a conversation with Amanda, luckily Carisi was talking Barba’s ear off. 

When you all arrived you took a seat to the back. All of you were mixed in together, chatting and updating each other on what’s new in each other’s personal lives. You made sure not to take a seat next to Barba, and you hoped he didn’t notice. He ended up sitting in the middle of Nick and Carisi. Both men kept him more than occupied. You didn’t drink that much, just one cup that you couldn’t even finish. Barba was on his first glass too. He just sipped at it slowly. You tried and failed not to stare at him. Every time he caught your eyes you’d avert your attention elsewhere. 

A little after one, everyone started turning in. Each bidding goodbye as they left. Pretty soon it was just you and Barba. Now the atmosphere was tense. You didn’t know what to say and Barba didn’t say anything, just studied your silence. He was looking as if trying to figure out why you were suddenly uncomfortable. You couldn’t stand it so you did the next best thing. 

“Well, I think I’ll turn in too.” you raised, faking a yawn. You were going to bail out of there quick. 

“Let me drop you home. “ he offered. You were afraid he was going to say that. Damn him and his need to make sure you got home safe. You just accepted, if you denied he would surely know something was up. He slipped on his coat, helping you into yours as he guided you out the bar. You hailed a taxi, jumping in the back. 

Barba slipped in right next to you. You tried to make it less obvious that you were attempting to keep as much space between the both of you as possible. The ride was quiet, you kept your gaze out the window, watching the bright signs and huge buildings in hopes it would keep your hormones under control. 

The taxi came to a stop and you paid the driver, stepping out after Barba. He walked you up the stairs, to your door. You took the keys out of your pocket, about to slide it in when you felt Barba’s hand pressed to the door. He leaned into you from behind and you shuddered. “So, are you going to tell me why you’ve been acting so strange all day, or do I have to coax it out of you..” he whispered into your ear. Your hands were shaking now, all the previous scenarios in your head rushing back to you. You willed yourself to open the door, stepping in. Barba followed in, locking the door behind him. 

When you were inside you shifted on your feet, standing a good distance apart. 

“(Y/N).” he called. Your eyes shot up. Now he was worried, you could tell. 

“If I did something you aren’t comfortable with just tell me and I’ll-”

“That’s not it.” you interrupted. He was completely baffled now. You picked at your nails, wondering how to phrase this. How were you supposed to tell him that you’d been freaking horny for him for the past week but you were a virgin so you were terrified to make a move. 

“(Y/N), just tell me. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as you’re making it seem.” He stepped closer and your willpower broke. You pitched forward, giving him an earth shattering kiss. Barba groaned at the back of his throat, hands moving to steady himself against you. When he regained his footing he was astonished at how demanding your kisses were. Your hands were on his cheeks, hips pressed flush against him. You pulled back after a few hot moments reluctantly. You were panting, and Barba’s breathing wasn’t any better. 

“I..I have no idea what I did to deserve that.” he panted out. You giggled, your previous fear fading slightly. When you caught your breath again you could see the darken of his emerald eyes. You worked up every bit of courage you could. 

“Barba I..I really want you..” you breathed. You said it, finally. You weren’t sure it was possible but his eyes got darker. “But I..” you pulled out of his arms, wrapping your arms around your form self consciously. 

Say it, just say it! “I’m a virgin!” you practically yelled. His eyes opened a small fraction, clearly not expecting that. That’s what you were afraid of. You were scared he would reject you because you lacked experience, or solely cause he didn’t want to bed a virgin. All those thoughts started piling into your head. 

Before you could get ahead of yourself Barba took your hands softly. You were startled at the loving look in his eyes. A look he never really showed to anyone. No one but you. “(Y/N), I don’t really care how many people you’ve been with. I won’t lie, I’m a bit surprised at your confession. If you don’t feel comfortable we can wait until you’re ready. I’d never rush you into any-”

“No I want to!” you exclaimed. You blushed when you realized you shouted. 

“I thought you wouldn’t want to if you found out, s-so I’ve been trying to distract myself all day. I was keeping you at arms length because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to touch you Rafael..” He took a deep breath. 

“I see..”

“If you don’t want to, I understand, I-I just thought I should be honest about it.” you mumbled out. Now that everything was out in the open you felt relieved. Barba stepped closer, removing his jacket. He dropped his briefcase onto the floor and you looked up at the shine that returned into his eyes. 

“I assure you that I want this as well. “ You gulped. This is what you wanted. You took his hand, guiding him into your room. When you walked in you turned back to Barba. “I have no idea what to do.” you admitted with a laugh. He smiled at you. 

“It’s a good thing I’m here then.” He loosened his tie, pulling it skillfully out of the collar of his shirt. Piece by piece he started shedding his clothing. The less he had on the more heat rushed between your legs. It took you a while to realize that you should have been doing the same. You started striping a bit hurriedly and Barba laughed at your eagerness. You got out of your outfit easily, now just standing in your bra and panties. 

Barba was just in his slacks, his shoes and socks long abandoned. You lowered unto the bed a bit nervously, head sinking into the pillow. Barba climbed unto the bed, towering over you. 

“If you want to stop just tell me and we can immediately. “ his assurance was not needed but very much appreciated. You were glad that he was the type of person with so much understanding, you knew Barba would never force you into anything. Another thing you loved about him. “I won’t.” you muttered. He smirked at that, closing the distance between you. 

You sank deeper into the bed at his added weight. The feel of his chest pressed firmly to your own was so amazing. The kiss was slow, sensual. Your legs hooked themselves around his waist and you gasped when he grinded into you. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your lips. Your legs shifted, accidentally nudging Barba between his legs. He pulled back with a sharp hiss and you visibly panicked. 

“C-Crap did I do something wrong!” He shook his head with a deep laugh. He leaned back in and you were shocked at his member that was now poking you. “W-We were just kissing..” you said in disbelief. You didn’t think he’d be that turned on just from a kiss. His mouth kept leaving small wet kisses on your neck, going up to your ear. You were so preoccupied with his kisses that you didn’t see his hand moving south. You jerked when you felt his hand slip into your underwear. He pulled them off your hips, sliding them down your legs. 

You wanted to free yourself of your bra, so you lifted, unhooking the clasp and flinging it across the room. Barba started laughing again and you returned to your previous spot. He admired your bust. One hand cupped your right breast and the other went back between your legs.

 “Shit..” you muttered.  His fingers stroked you, admiring the wetness that coated your thighs. When his finger slid in you almost came right there and then. You couldn’t believe you starved yourself of such pleasure all these years. Although, in the back of your mind you were glad Barba turned out to be your first. 

He added another finger, pumping in and out of you. You bucked, trying to match his pace, desperate for release. Barba’s fingers were working magic, hitting your spot every time. It wasn’t long before your walls were clenching around his fingers. Your body tensed for a second, before you released with a cry of pleasure. You were gripping into his arms, breathing coming in quickly. Barba removed his fingers, tongue darting out to lick his wet digits clean. You watched him lustfully, biting down so hard on your lip you were shocked it didn’t bleed. 

He kicked off his pants easily, his boxers following not far behind. You held back a giggle at the way he seemed eager now. His eyes reconnected with yours and you smiled. He mirrored your expression. “If you want to stop we can a-” you bucked into him, effectively silencing him. He growled lowly. 

“I want this Rafael, I want you.” That was all the consent he needed. He lined himself up, giving you one last look before he started pushing in. You weren’t gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch. The fact that he was considerably well endowed probably didn’t help. You held unto his biceps, trying to distract yourself from the pain. Against your will tears pricked at the corner of your eyes. Barba leaned down, pressing kisses on your cheek. “I know…” his voice sounded strained. After a few more seconds Barba was completely sheathed inside you. He was breathing a bit heavily. Your head turned, adjusting to his size. 

“A-Are you okay?” you whispered. His breathing was starting to concern you. He forced out a chuckle. “I-I’m fine..y-you’re just really..” he paused for a second. “Tight.” he concluded. You flushed. 

“M-Maybe it’s because you're so big.” you hummed. He twitched inside of you at the compliment and you gasped slightly. Barba smirked. “Sorry.” he blew into your ear. You had a feeling he wasn’t really sorry. Barba was still for a while, giving you sometime to get comfortable. He wanted you to enjoy this just as much as he would. You gave him a small kiss, nodding your head, and he started moving slowly. In and out. At first it felt so foreign, but after a while moans started slipping out. You were alarmed at the dirty sounds escaping your mouth. His pace picked up slightly when you started moving with him, begging for more. Your hands wrapped around his torso as he found a steady rhythm. 

“R-Rafa..” you couldn’t even say his full name. He was grunting, breathing into your ear, whispering less than virtuous things to you. With every thrust of his hip you felt yourself getting closer to becoming undone. The sounds of both of your moans echoed, bouncing off the walls. You were pretty sure you were being obnoxiously loud, your neighbors could probably hear. You didn’t really care. With one strong thrust you came, body spasming like it did before. This time you actually screamed out your release as Barba’s seed spilled inside you. He gasped, mumbling something in Spanish. 

You weren’t certain but it could have been a swear. He slumped against you and you felt the weight to be pleasant. He took a while, trying to recover and even out his breathing. You were doing the same. When he did he pulled out and you sighed. He fell down right beside you, pulling you into his side. You rested your head on his chest that was now slicked with sweat. 

“That was...wow..” He stroked your hair, pleased that you were satisfied. 

“That’s good,” he said, pressing a kiss into your hair. “Maybe we can explore some more positions in the future?” you urged. His hold tightened on your waist. 

“Absolutely.” 

[eclecticminded]

Stripping Bare

@madpanda75 asked: Ok! I finally picked an idea for the giveaway story request! What if you’re working undercover as a stripper during a stakeout and Barba (who you’ve always had a thing for) sees the footage which leads to the two of you hooking up 😉 Maybe the reader shows Barba some of her moves??

Girl yes! This was fun to write, and makes me want to invest in a pole for my fat ass. Here we go! Hope you like!

Words: 1940

You go undercover as a stripper, Rafael likes what he sees.

Warnings: Sex. Brief mention of torture and murder. Creep guys.

Tags: @southsiderepresent @glimmerglittergirl @madpanda75  @southern-magnolia @katmstanton @esparza-army @sweetsummertime99  @obfuscateyummy @lifeisbetterwithbarba  @lyssa1385  @hux-me-up   @bowieisawizard @sleepylunarwolf @mrsrafaelbarba anyone else ask! Also I have a Kofi (link in blog description) if anyone wants to donate!

When you took the pole dancing for fitness class while in college, you never expected to love it so much. Never expected to have one installed in your apartment. And you sure as hell never expected to be going under cover as one. But you had the skill set and could kick ass, so here you were. Ricky Rogers, Double R as he was known on the street, owned a less than reputable strip joint. He was selling his girls to be a part of torture snuff films, and one of them barely made it. Barely.

 Elise was no longer able to speak but she wrote pages upon pages of what happened to her, and what dirty dealing Double R was up to. Only problem, you needed cold hard facts, not just her words. Fin was trying to use his old vice connections to get a girl to go under for the squad, but no one wanted to work Double R’s joint. That’s where you came in.

 It started off as a joke, you mentioned you took a pole dancing class and befor you knew it you were out buying pasties and fishnets. Fin went undercover with you as a patron, you had a camera in the necklace you wore, but he was there for back up and additional surveillance. He was essentially your handler. Every night you worked, Fin got a private lap dance and you updated each other on the situation.

 Rumor had it that Double R was posting about having a new perky toy for sale, and wouldn’t you know it, the ad fit your description.  After that night you noticed Nick, Mike, and Sonny occasionally in the crowd. All four men had camera glasses, and Liv was watching nearby with Amanda. Hell even Rafael was there, making sure everything was by the book. At least that’s what he said; really he wanted to see you in action.

 Towards closing before your set, Double R told you there was a special private dance for you after you left stage. It was go time. Once you were on stage with Lana Del Rey blaring around you, that stress faded away. For the next thirty minutes you got to live it up one last time. You spun around the pole teasing the audience, getting them ready. Climbing to the top of the pole, you slowly slide down while money fell around you.

  Once you were back on the ground, you bent over, grasping the pole and shaking your ass. With a leap and a little luck, your legs held you up while you leaned backwards and spun slowly. The bright flashing lights made you dizzy and you dropped to your knees during your second to last song. Fin caught your eye and you sexily crawled towards him, he raised and eye when you pulled him forward by his tie.

 “I’m meeting a special client after this, its go time,” you whispered in his ear and he nodded.

 “Liv says be careful and remember we got your back,” he tucked a few ones in your thong and you went back to performing for the crowd. As you put on your grand finale, you saw Mike head to the bathrooms, and back entrance. Nick was hanging by the private dance booths. Sonny was by the front at the bar. And Fin stood his ground next to the stage.

 After you were off stage and the money tucked away safe, Double R came for you. His grip was rough and made your skin crawl. Every instinct said to punch him and run, but you pushed forward. Had to keep all the other girls safe that could fall into his trap. He pulled you past Nick, past Mike even, and out the back door and shoved you into a waiting SVU. It pulled off and you internally panicked.

 “Even better in person,” a venomous voice called from the dark, it made you want to vomit.

 “You must be my private dance, can’t do much in here baby,” you batted your eyes and calmed when you saw the van holding Olivia, Amanda, and Rafael follow you. Behind them were the guys and you knew you’d be fine.

 “Thought we’d take this somewhere more private,” the greasy man licked his lips and your stomach turned. What a gross slimy mother fucker! He pulled you onto his lap and you spent the ride grinding against him, trying not to throw up.

 Thankfully it was a short drive to a warehouse, upon entering you knew it was his torture chamber. Cameras, medical equipment, medieval torture devices, and the like all lined the floor space. There was even an audience. Perfect, you’d get to bring down more skeevy motherfuckers.

 “What the hell is this,” you popped your hip and tried to form a plan, “I wasn’t told about an audience.”

 “Doesn’t matter what you want,” the man gripped your hair in a panful fist and jerked you to the table. You were strapped onto an exam table and people circling when they finally burst in to save you. It all went by in a blur. You were freed, people arrested, and Rafael had you in a NYPD wind breaker.

 “Saved this one for you,” Fin had the skeevy man on his knees and handed you a pair of cuffs.

 “What took you so long,” you glared.

 “Had to wait for SWAT, they were dragging their feet,” Fin laughed.

 “Figures, probably jacking off to my dancing,” you rolled your eyes and read the man his rights. It took several hours but everyone was processed and awaiting arraignment, it was Friday night and they had to wait until Monday. Perfect, it meant you got a break.

 After the initial checks in, everyone gave you space to decompress. Except for Rafael, but you didn’t mind; you’d had a thing for him since you’d met. He insisted on riding home with you. Insisted that while you showered he run around the corner for takeout. Hell he nearly invited himself to spend the night, he didn’t like that you’d been put in a position to almost be hurt. He had a thing for you too, not that you knew.

 The trial flew by and everything back to normal, Elise was thankful you’d avenged her and you were back to dancing on your own pole. You and Rafael had grown closer since the operation, best friends even. Neither of you admitting to the other your feelings, afraid it’d ruin what you had.

 One night you dropped past his office to ask if he wanted to grab a late dinner and you caught him with his pants down. Literally. He was at his desk, cock in his hand, jacking off to something on his computer. You both stared at each other frozen while Lana Del Rey played from his computer.

 “Are you jacking off to me stripping Rafi,” your hand clamped over your eyes while he put himself away.

 “Noooo,” he slammed his laptop shut and fumbled with his pants.

 “You can’t lie to me,” you peeked at him.

 “Maaayyybbbeee,” he was reduced to one word responses from the embarrassment of being caught.

 “Ah screw it,” you marched across the room to him and kissed him. His stubbled cheeks were rough against your palms, his lips soft and warm.

 “You’re not slapping me,” Rafael raised an eyebrow when you pulled away, clearly confused.

 “Nope,” you pecked his lips again, “I like you Rafael. Like like you. I want to fuck you.”

 “You what,” his eye widened and you started back peddling.

 “Forget I said anything,” you stumbled backwards to escape, but he pulled you back to him.

 “I want you too,” he kissed you, his hands roaming your body, gripping and grabbing whatever he could latch on to.

 “I came to ask you to dinner,” you panted, “But I don’t want food anymore.”

 “Food after,” he nipped your neck.

 “Come on Rafi,” you rushed him through grabbing his things, “I’m giving you a private dance.”

 The mood was set with Christmas lights and flickering candles while Lana Del Rey played. You came strutting out in tall black heels, a fishnet body suit, red thong, and heart shaped nipple tassels. Rafael nearly came in his pants right then and there. Using the pole to hold you up, you spread your legs and danced down to squatting. A quick turn and you were standing up, your ass shaking in his face. He grabbed at your hips and you swatted him away.

 “No touching,” you pulled away and jumped onto the pole to spin. Holding yourself up with your thighs, you humped the pole and palmed your chest.

 “You interrupted me before I finished,” Rafael growled, “I want to taste you.”

 “Come get it,” you dropped to the ground and leaned backwards against the pole. Rafael dropped to the ground in front of you and spread your legs. Staring into your soul, he ripped the fishnets and pushed the thong aside. His broad tongue lapped up and down your folds, sending shivers up your spine.

 “Hold on,” he demanded and lifted your leg to lay over his shoulder. You gripped the pole behind you to stay upright, the other hand tight in his hair while he ate you to completion. He was spinning you around the second your foot hit the floor, his pants dropped, and the sound of a condom being ripped open made you smirk.

 “Fuck me papi,” you wiggled your ass and he did just that.  He slipped into you so effortlessly; it was like you were made for each other. He hammered into you and you pushed back on him, giving as good as you got. While you held onto the pole for dear life, one of his hands bruised your hip and the other rubbed furiously at your swollen bundle of nerves. All too soon he was cumming, but his fingers didn’t stop until you were clenching around him.

 “Rafi,” you were drawing circles on his chest while you laid in a heap on your living room floor. Half eaten take out was on the coffee table while you recovered from round two. Or was it three?

 “Yes,” he kissed your temple.

 “I don’t want this to be a onetime thing,” you sat up abruptly, “I want all of you.”

 “I’m yours. All of me. As long as I get all of you too,” he pulled you back down against him.

 “Of course,” you breathed a sigh of relief.

 “You gave Fin really bad dances,” Rafael was laughing hysterically.

 “I wasn’t trying to fuck Fin,” you poked his side and reached for your phone, “But if you think I should give him a better show…”

 “Don’t you dare,” he snatched your phone and threw it onto the sofa, “You’re mine.”

 “What was that,” you played innocently.

 “You. Are. Mine,” each word was punctuated with a hard bite to your neck, chest, and stomach. He kept the bites and chanting of ‘mine’ up until you relented.

 “You’re mine too,” you growled and attacked his neck with bites and sucking.

 “No private dances for anyone else,” Rafael was back to his sweet self.

 “Of course not,” you stood up and stretched, reaching for a forgotten container of rice.

 “I need a shower,” he groaned as he climbed to his feet beside you.

 “Shower and cuddles,” you dropped the rice to the table.

 “Sounds perfect,” he helped you gather the leftovers and followed you to the shower. You never expected the pole dancing class to bring you the love of your life, but here you were.