#clavis crack

[writingwhimsey]

Hello!

Congrats for the milestone, and cheers to many more!! :D

If the requests are still open... Could I ask for Clavis + Blind Date + Crack Fic?

Thank you in advance and congrats once more! 🙈

Sorry it has taken me so long to answer this and thank you so much for the ask and the support. Without further ado, here we are with some more Clavis crack! I hope you enjoy!

A Blind Date...Literally

“I can’t believe I agreed to this.” Emma murmured to herself as she stood at the entrance to the local tavern. “But those gifts and letters seemed genuine and heartfelt…I guess I should at least see who my secret admirer is.”

Emma did have to admit that it was a bit exciting and very flattering. She had come with the intentions of letting whoever it was down easy. She didn’t really have time for such things right now, being Belle and all. She barely managed to squeeze in time for this meeting, the way Sariel had been working her and the way she’d been meeting with all of the princes… Clavis especially keeping her on her toes.

Emma opened the door and walked inside, heading to the bar as the letter had instructed. The barkeep smiled at her. “You must be Emma?”

“Yes. I’m supposed to be meeting someone…”

The barkeep nodded and gave her a sheepish smile. “He’s waiting in the private room for you.” He explained. “And uh…well he asked me to give you this. Said you should put it on before going inside.”

Emma took the object the barkeep held out and looked at it. It was just a black scrap of cloth. “What in the world am I supposed to do with this?”

“It’s a blindfold.” The barkeep said. “Your mystery man said something about…uh…a blind date.”

Emma blinked. “What…” It was then that she recalled a conversation she’d had in the palace just a few days ago when she had asked for leave to attend a friend from town’s wedding. The friend had met her groom on a blind date. Emma had told this to Sariel, Rio, and Clavis. “He wouldn’t…” She murmured.

“You want me to tell him you changed your mind?” The barkeep asked.

Emma sighed. “No. I’ll go.” She said, heading to the back room of the tavern. She stood outside the door a moment, looking down at the blindfold in her hands. She debated internally for quite some time before finally sighing. “Ugh…I can’t believe he’s getting me to go along with his stupid plans once again…” She muttered putting on the blindfold before feeling for the doorknob and letting herself in.

“Ah, there you are.” The familiar voice said. “I knew you’d come,..or at least I hope it’s you, Emma.”

“Wait, how do you not know?” Emma asked.

Clavis chuckled. “I’m blindfolded, too.” He answered.

“How do you know I’m wearing mine?” Emma asked.

“I heard you fumbling for the doorknob.” Clavis answered. “Also, I know you. You wanted to have some fun and this sounded like fun.”

Emma sighed. “You know, blind date isn’t usually so…literal.”

“I know, but it wouldn’t really be a blind date in the traditional sense because we already know each other.” Clavis explained.

Emma could hear the sound of a chair scraping the floor. She then heard movement and soon a couple of footsteps before Clavis let out an, “Oof…” as something smacked loudly against something else.

“Clavis…?”

“I’m…alright.” Clavis replied. Footsteps, this time slower and what sounded like hands moving over everything. It was moments later Emma felt a hand on her arm. 

“That had better be you, Clavis.” She said, her tone slightly irritated.

“I promise it is me.” Clavis replied, his hand sliding down her arm and taking her hand. “Now allow me to help you to your seat.”

“I can’t believe I’m still going along with this.” Emma muttered with a sigh.

Emma could hear and feel Clavis moving next to her and soon his hand was bringing hers up and she soon felt it resting in the crook of his elbow. She reached out with her free hand, trying to find anything she could use to help feel her way through the darkness. With the way Clavis had stumbled to her, she couldn’t depend on him to safely lead her to her chair…and she was right.

The pair stumbled their way to the table. They knew when they had reached the table when they both collided with it. “Ow…Clavis, we should just take these off…”

“Now, now where would the fun be in that?” Clavis replied. “Come, have a seat.” Emma could hear the sound of Clavis fumbling before a chair was scraping across the floor. 

Emma sighed once again and reached her hand out, feeling for the chair. Once she was certain of the chair’s position, Emma cautiously began to lower herself onto the cushion.

Clavis reached a hand out, intending to place it on her back as a helpful guide…but landing a bit too low. 

“Clavis, that is NOT my back.” Emma scolded.

“My apologies.” Clavis replied, not at all sounding apologetic.

“I swear if you’re not actually wearing a blindfold…”

Emma was interrupted by the feel of Clavis’s hand on hers and the sensation of her hand being picked up until her fingertips were resting on his face. He guided her fingers over his face, allowing her to get a feel of his chin, cheek, nose, and then the gentle silk that rested over his eyes.

“Well…okay…But if you do something like that again, I am taking mine off and treating you to the famous Belle slap.”

“That’s tempting.” Clavis replied and Emma could hear the grin in his voice, seeing it clearly in her mind’s eye.

Once Emma had been seated, Clavis felt his way around the table before going to his seat. Moments later a waiter was bringing in food and drink.

“It’s Cyran, isn’t it?” Emma asked.

“Yes, it is me, my lady.” Cyran spoke. “None of the actual waiters wanted to go along with Clavis’s plan.”

“Some people are just afraid of trying something new.” Clavis replied.

Cyran was leaning down to whisper in Emma’s ear. “If you want out of this at any point, just say the word and I’ll come in here and get you out.”

“Thank you, Cyran.” Emma replied, a genuine smile coming to her face.

Clavis frowned. “Alright, alright. Now come let us have some fun.” He declared. “And I promise this will be a good time.”

“I just know I’m going to end up with something on me…or injured.” Emma replied.

“I would never allow harm to come to my lady. I am a gentleman afterall.” Clavis retorted.

Emma could hear Cyran leaving, but she was aware of his presence outside the door. “So, what is this all about, Clavis?” Emma asked.

“You’ve been working so hard, I thought you deserved a reward.” Clavis replied. “All work and no play…”

Emma sighed. “Alright…so is this food from the tavern or…”

“My creations, of course.” Clavis replied, very proud and confident.

Emma sighed. “Well…at least I won’t be able to see how terrible it looks.” She muttered. She was then feeling at the table in front of her, looking for her cutlery and plate. She could hear the sounds of Clavis doing the same.

It took Emma a moment to get her bearings…and there were a few dropped bites of food, but she managed.

“Oh dear…another one…” Clavis muttered.

“Are you dropping your food?” Emma asked.

“It is a bit harder to adjust than I thought.” Clavis admitted. 

Emma laughed and shook her head. “We could just…”

“No, we will get through this. There are plenty of people who are blind from birth and they manage just fine.” Clavis replied. 

“You do have a point.” Emma replied. “But they’ve had more time to adjust.”

“We’ll be fine.” CLavis replied. “New experiences are fun. Besides are you not the one who was talking about how romantic blind dates are?”

Emma sighed. “I can’t win with you can I?”

“Oh, of course you are winning with me.” Clavis replied. 

The pair continued their meal, keeping a light conversation going. After a bit Emma heard more movement and what sounded like people entering the room. The next thing she knew, music was being played.

“Ah, right on time.” Clavis said, clapping his gloved hands together.

“Right on time for what?” Emma asked.

“For us to share a dance, of course.” Clavis replied and Emma could picture the gleeful grin on his face.

“Oh…Clavis…no…”

Clavis was already getting up and following the sound of Emma’s voice to stand in front of her. He held out his hand. “Come now, we can’t have a date without a dance.”

Emma sighed. “Alright…” She was then reaching out, trying to find Clavis’s hand…what neither of them realized is that his back was to her and her hand ended up grasping his butt.

“Oh my, this Belle is very forward.” Clavis said with a laugh.

Emma felt her cheeks heating up. She bet money that Clavis could be able to see the glow even through his blindfold. “Clavis, you idiot…you’re the one with your back to me.”

Clavis was laughing as he turned, his hand finding Emma’s. “Now, now no need to be shy.” He said as he pulled her to her feet.

“Just for that I am not apologizing for stepping on your toes.” Emma replied.

Clavis pulled Emma close, his hand going to rest on her waist…well attempting to and brushing against her bust instead.

“Clavis…”

“Dearie me, we keep having these problems.” Clavis replied, once again not sounding at all apologetic. “I will do better, I swear. I am a gentleman.”

“Gentleman my ass.” Emma muttered, grabbing Clavis’s hand and guiding it to her waist. “And no that was not an invitation.”

Clavis chuckled as he slowly began to move them along in the dance. “Now you’ve nothing to worry about. I really am a gentleman.” He told her.”I swear my hands will not go anywhere they shouldn’t…on purpose.”

Emma laughed and rolled her eyes. “You’re terrible.”

The pair seemed to move relatively well together. There was a bit of stumbling…and Emma did step on Clavis’s toes a few times…only one time was on purpose.

“Aren’t you having fun?” Clavis asked.

“Okay, maybe this is a little fun.” Emma replied. “Though I would step on your toes less if we took these ridiculous blindfolds off.”

“You keep bringing up taking them off, do you really miss seeing my handsome face that much?”

“As if.” Emma scoffed. “I just…”

Before Emma could finish her sentence, the pair were colliding with the table and began to fall. Emma felt Clavis move his arms around her waist and shift them so that he would land on the bottom and break her fall…of course the table tumbled as well and the food and drinks all landed on Emma as she was on top.

Emma pushed herself up, her hand going to remove the blindfold as she looked down at Clavis who had let out an “Oof…” at their landing

“I was trying to avoid this,” Emma said, glaring at Clavis as he reached up to take off his blindfold. 

Clavis gave her a playful pout. “Not even asking if I’m alright and after I took the brunt of the fall.”

“A fall we wouldn’t have had if you had not done this ridiculous idea in the first place.” Emma pointed out. “And look at my dress…you deserve a bruised backside and…” Emma stopped mid rant as she became aware of the devilish grin on Clavis’s face. “What?”

“You still haven’t gotten up, which means you must enjoy being close to me like this.” Clavis replied, gesturing to her body still lying on top of his.

Emma smacked his chest. “Oh you…” She said, her cheeks red as she pushed herself up. She then sighed as she reached her hand out to Clavis. “Here, let me help you up.”

Clavis smiled. “I knew you couldn’t resist my charms.”

Emma rolled her eyes, but the look was betrayed by her smiling lips. Somehow she always managed to have fun with Clavis…but she would never admit it.

[chirp-a-chirp]

Ikepri: Chibi Pet Shop

Emma: One Leon please! *Holds Leon lion chibi tenderly in her arms*

Sales Clerk: Ah, a classic choice. Can I interest you in other chibi selections?

Emma: Oh no, I love my Leon, he’s—wait, what’s that? *Ears perk at nearby loud barking*

Sales Clerk: Hmm, the dogs are fighting again. *The Rio beagle and Silvio Dalmatian chibis circle each other, growling*

Emma: Shouldn’t you stop them?

Sales Clerk: Oh, they LOVE each other! *Silvio has Rio in a headlock, Rio whimpering and yelling “OW ARF OW!”*

Sales Clerk: You know, Silvio comes with a bejeweled collar. Included with purchase.

Emma: No thanks. One Leon please. *Lion Leon nuzzles Emma’s hand affectionately*

Sales Clerk: You like affectionate pets? Jin the Eagle would be wonderful!

*A green cloth materializes out of nowhere from Leon. He covers Emma’s chest protectively while shaking his head*

Emma: Aw, thanks Leon! I was getting kinda cold here!

Sales Clerk: Man, where does that lion keeping finding those green flags?

Emma: Anyways…Eagles are very majestic and awesome but they’re not my thing. Plus, you know, talons aren’t exactly cuddly.

Sales Clerk: You like cuddly? How about cats?

Emma: You mean like the LION here in my arms?

Sales Clerk: *Ignores Emma’s comment* Now where’s that sweet little Yves kitty I can show you….Here kitty, kitty, kitty…

*Sales Clerk walks around the store and nearly falls into a gapping hole in the ground. A cat hisses from the bottom of the pit, tail bristling. Licht the wolf is also in the pit, silently watching Yves*

Sales Clerk: CLAVIS! *A pair of golden eyes glow from atop a cabinet. The purple leopard smiles and flees, laughing*

Sales Clerk: Umm, do you like troublemakers? That leopard comes with a set of nets and shovels too, free of charge.

*Leon Lion jumps out of Emma’s arms and ties a number of green flags end to end into a makeshift rope. Yves kitty and Licht wolf climb up and walk away. Emma crouches down to pick the Lion back up, ruffling his mane*

Emma: I’m sure that leopard’s GREAT and all but—

Sales Clerk: TIGERS. We got premier tigers. Cream of the crop. VERY popular. Look at this white tiger! *Points to a majestic Chevalier tiger chibi, elegantly sitting in a chair reading*

Sales Clerk: And this tiger has EXTENSIVE documentation on his background and where he came from. Very detailed and thorough.

Emma: Yeah, I meant to ask about documentation. See, Leon only has a single page with the word “ROAR” on it. Do you have ANYTHING else regarding his background? Lore?

Sales Clerk: He’s a Lion.

Emma: How about what he likes?

Sales Clerk: Of course! *Hands Emma a single paper with “MEAT” on it*

Emma: Seriously?

*A black Tiger chibi with an eye patch slinks next to Emma. He puts something in Emma’s hand, grinning*

Sales Clerk: Oh, Gil LIKES you!

Emma: Ummm, this tiger just handed me a piece of paper with my address, last three jobs, and a list of all my allergies and food preferences. Has he been following me?!

Sales Clerk: He REALLY likes you!

Emma: Good for him! But I want—

Sales Clerk: Foxes? Snakes? How about a nice stag?

Emma: I don’t get it. Leon’s your poster boy. He’s LITERATELY on a poster on your front door. Why are you trying to get me to prefer other chibis?

Sales Clerk: *Blinks*

Sales Clerk: So, can I interest you in Gil—

Emma: NO! No eyepatches, no puppy butlers, no lone wolves, no tricks or traps! No blushy tsunderes, no salty dogs, no cold beasts!

Emma: ONE. LEON. PLEASE.

Sales Clerk: OK FINE.

Emma: THANK YOU.

*Sales clerk rings up purchase*

Sales Clerk: Oh, here’s your complementary bag of green flags. Leon goes through a lot of them.

[clavissionary-position]

i had to blur clavis' boobs or tumblr wouldn't let me post >_>

i was honestly just gonna stop at gilbert but i saw the version of the meme with multiple portraits and i knew what had to be done

[here-for-gilbert]

When u have a bad day, remember Clavis’ speech

Finally re-reading Clavis route and going for the Dramatic ending, so here I am stumbling across this gorgeous speech in chapter 20 again~! If you ever have a bad day, one just needs to come back to this:

“So long as you go on living, you’ll never really be a loser. Because there is no such thing. Today’s failure will lead you to tomorrow’s hope. Always, as long as you don’t give up.”

I know I am not the only one, but this parts touches me on a deeper level. And since it is coming from a handsomely, playful, crazy and brilliant gentlemen, it is something one should remember and remind yourself of it whenever you can ❤️

[scorchieart]

More to Give, More to Take

Part I

Clavis: Hmm... there's still something missing. What do you think, Fashion Clavis?

Fashion Clavis: It couldn't cover up all his ugliness. Let's spray him once more.

Knight Clavis: Or we could poke his face till it deflates! The drawing will cover more of him that way!

Clavis: An amusing thought, but we still need a canvas to stick it to.

Knight Clavis: I'll pin it on with my sword!

Horse: *whinnies happily*

Knight Clavis: See! I already have one vote for my idea! Anyone else?

Bunny Clavis: Actually, I think he's just happy to nibble on my ears. Ouch, by the way.

Flower Clavis: Haha! Why do you think I swapped places with you?

Chocolate Clavis: Mmphm.

Flower Clavis: Lay off it, you would have done the same.

Chocolate Clavis: Mmmmphmm!

Knight Clavis: Use your God-given right to words, fellow Clavis! We have a fair lady present!

Bunny Clavis: It looks like his mouth melted. Just like my poor ears.

Fashion Clavis: It must be because we're all so hot. We've counteracted the Brutal Beast's arctic chill.

Chocolate Clavis: MMMMM!!!!!

Balloon Clavis: Heads up, Clavises! Mad Hatter is trying to escape again!

Mad Hatter Clavis: Curse you and your aerial advantage. And I was so close, too. Next time, don't leave your precious breakable glass prison next to such a hard object.

Knight Clavis: Clay Clavis! You were supposed to guard the prisoner! Not aid him in his escape!

Clay Clavis: ...

Flower Clavis: About as useful as Chocolate Clavis, that one, eh?

Bunny Clavis: About as useful as you, you mean?

Chocolate Clavis: HMM!

Knight Clavis: And you two! You were tasked with protecting our fair maiden from any harm. Have you been lollygagging up there?

Leopard Clavis: I do hope you realize I am ineffectual in combat from this distance. I am but a simple Clavis wearing a leopard hat. Much like how you are a simple Clavis waving a toy sword.

Knight Clavis: T-toy...?

Kissing Clavis: And she's just so sweet! I couldn't possibly turn away from her adorable cheeks for even a moment!

Knight Clavis: But... but your duty as gentlemen!

Mad Hatter Clavis: My, my. All this discord wafting through the air is simply delicious. Perhaps you would consider releasing me to join in on the feast?

Fashion Clavis: Not after last time, wacko.

Mad Hatter Clavis: Is that so? I recall you taking immense enjoyment in the proceedings in particular, Fashion Clavis. You nearly shattered your precious sprayer nozzle when you collapsed from your bout of hysterics.

Fashion Clavis: And I still haven't forgiven you for that! Or for what you did to Reading Clavis!

Mad Hatter Clavis: Please, he had it coming. Associating with Reading Chevalier? The height of disgrace.

Clavis: Speaking of Chevalier, can we all please get back to the task at hand?

Balloon Clavis: I still say we flatten him with a bookcase.

Clavis: That kind of thinking is what landed Mad Hatter Clavis in the bottle in the first place. Unrelated, but darling, please make sure the umbrella is covering the both of us.

Leopard Clavis: Me too, please!

Chocolate Clavis: Mm-hmm!

Kissing Clavis: I'll stay riiight here. *snuggles*

Flower Clavis: Hey, Bunny Clavis? Wanna swap places again?

Bunny Clavis: Oi! Back off!

Horse: *winnies and chews*

Bunny Clavis: You too! That's it! I'm sitting next to Clay Clavis!

Mad Hatter Clavis: Wonderful! You can swap with me!

Fashion Clavis: Don't you dare. Knight Clavis, stop him!

Knight Clavis: *sniff* How? With my toy sword? I wouldn't even be able to crack open the jar! I'm even more useless than Clay Clavis! *cries*

Clavis: Gentlemen! Control yourselves! We called this meeting to prove to Chevalier that both the sum of our parts and each individual personality are forces to be reckoned with. That the moniker of Clavis Lelouch prevails supreme no matter the role he plays or the hat he wears. Prince. Knight. Leopard. And yes, even fashion stylist. And with the support of the love of our life behind us, there is nothing we cannot accomplish, alone or as a team. What must he think of us after seeing such a horrendous display?

Mad Hatter Clavis: Well, why don't you ask him?

Chevalier: Zzzzz...

All the Clavises: ...

Clavis: Balloon Clavis, prepare the bookcase. Everyone else, take cover under the umbrella.

Kissing Clavis: *smooch*

Part II

Part III

[nuclear-frog]

Ikemen Prince as Tom Cardy Songs

Jin - Ur Fugly (relatively)

Chevalier - Call Your Mother

Clavis - HS (Hot Shit)

Leon - HYCYBH

Yves - Therapy is Cool, Dad!

Licht - Party Dog

Nokto - Read Between the Lines

Luke - Level Clear

Rio - 8 Days a Week

Sariel - Hey, I Don't Work Here / Je Suis Fatigue

Silvio - The Ballad of Smoking Joe Rudeboy / Your Love Is Not Enough

Keith - All the Stupid Things I've Ever Done / Aerial Roots / Sumimasen

Gilbert - Repress It! / Red Flags

[clavidy]

oh i know the end phoebe bridgers we're really in it now.....

[here-for-gilbert]

Why did I think that was baby Chev...? Also 15/10, love this art because I can see it happening so well hahahahahah

Keep reading

[riveranova]

youre headcanons were so funny, could you do more please? there is this trend on tiktok where girlfriends film their boyfriends sleeping positions, can you do that but with the ikemen prince guys?

and female reader please and thank you!💗💗

A/N: I know EXACTLY what you mean! So sorry for the long wait, here you go! <3

I also made this Gender Neutral because there is no mention of any gender. I hope thats fine!

IkePri's Sleeping positions! x GN! Reader - Part 1

Warnings: A teensie bit suggestive, pure crack to be honest, Nokto

Characters: Gilbert, Silvio, Keith, Sariel, Rio, Clavis, Notko, Ikemen Prince

Word Count: 610

Gilbert von Obsidian

- Still - LIke, he doesn't move - He scares the shit out of you because he's literally cold and unmoving - Literally laying there like 🧍🏻 - WILL make fun of you if you panic and wake him up - He's a little shit, obviously he thinks that your crying face is adorable - Do you honestly think that he'd go out like that? - Do you even love him? - It's not that? Ahh, so you doubt him. - ''I'm hurt, little rabbit. I think I need to remind you how alive I truly am, heehee...''

Silvio Ricci

-This man is a prick - If you sleep in the same bed as him, I'm sorry - Will 100% not only steal your blankets and throw them to the floor but will also take up all the space in your bed - I don't think he's completely silent when he sleeps but he doesn't snore either - More like.. really loud breathing - My dog breathes really loud when he's sleeping well - Hold on.. Silvios crest- - I rest my case.

Keith Howell

-I'm pretty sure that he's a silent sleeper - There is one big problem, uh tall problem - Tall. He's very tall. (I'm 181cm, I feel the pain) - I'd imagine that he has trouble sleeping in small beds because of his height - Poor guy is completely folded next to you so that you have some space - His back pain must be horrible, oh dear - Now, his alter is a different story - I think he'd just pull you onto him - He's tall and strong, he can be your bed <3

Sariel Noir

-Does he even sleep - I think the question with him isn't how he sleeps but how you find him sleeping - His job is hard and trying to keep the chaos (Clavis & Nokto, really) in check is a lot - Falls asleep on his desk, mostly - Hunched over his papers, the candle already out and cold for a long time - This man has chronic back pain, that isn't even up for debate - Wakes up easily and decides to follow you into bed

Rio Ortiz

-I think he doesn't sleep much either - For him, I think it's because he just has too much energy - He just loves to get everything ready for you to start your day, he knows you work so, so hard - But even this battery needs some charging sometimes - Can and will sit down on a chair, sleep (sitting straight up) for an hour and wake up as if he slept a week - Has no back pain either - What is his secret? We will never know

Clavis Lelouch

-Okay. - We know that this idiot doesn't even have a bed in his room - When he does sleep, he just throws himself into his couch and sleep like that - Because when he's tired.. He's TIRED - Hangs off of the side of the couch like not quite dried paint - Cyran covers him with a blanket sometimes but doesn't bother most of the time because Clavis just plucks it off in his sleep - Doesn't sleep very long or very deep, he has a tight schedule after all! Haha! Ahaha! Haa.. poor Sariel.

Nokto Klein

-:I - I think we all know where this is going - Look, I know he's not ALL about women and sex - But he's MOSTLY about it and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even care where he falls asleep - Literally falls asleep with his arms in postions that do NOT look comfortable - Don't worry tho, just pluck his arms from under whatever bodypart they are and lay him down normally - Deep sleeper, 100% - Has mastered THE nap. Like the one where you wake up and you have imprints of your clothes

Thank you for reading, requests are always open!

[nightghoul381]

Well Deserved

Prompts: Guided touching/ Intercrural sex Pairing: Clavis Lelouch x Reader Smut | Explicit Content | NSFW | MDNI CW: Lingerie, marking, slight oral/fingering, thigh fetish, intercrural sex (thigh fucking), Clavis making a mess XD WC: 1.4k A/N: Prompts from @natimiles, @valkyyriia, @candied-boys's Kinktober prompts and @xxsycamore's Visions of Temptation Prompts! Found here and here Thank you guys for putting together such awesome prompts!!

You pull your long coat tighter around you as you approach the door before you. You managed to make it through the entire castle without being spotted, which is a blessing since it’s nearly time for most to be retiring to their rooms for the evening.

When two days in a row had passed with Clavis not returning to your room before midnight, you knew he must have something important that he’s been working on. You’d noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his hair had been uncharacteristically disheveled the last time you had bumped into each other.

He of course quickly smoothed it into place and acted as though nothing at all was amiss, but you had overheard the castle staff discussing a boy in town who was suffering from a mysterious illness after eating a strange mushroom, and you had no doubt in your mind that Clavis was feverishly searching for a cure.

Taking a deep breath, you walk up to the door and knock five times in the secret pattern that you and Clavis had come up with to let each other know who was on the other side of the door.

Waiting for a brief moment you hear a couple of thuds and an “Oh dear!” before you finally hear the knob turning and the door opens into Clavis’ room. His face breaks into a broad smile as he takes in your face, as though finally getting a breath of fresh air and you can’t help but return the smile. You’re quickly pulled into an embrace, the door clicking shut behind you.

“My darling, you must have read my mind coming to me at this moment,” Clavis sighs happily, letting his head rest against your shoulder and squeezing you tightly in his arms.

“I did it, just moments ago I sent Cyran out with the medicine for the boy,” He breathes, the pride and relief obvious in his voice.

You pull back just a bit and reach up and cup his tired face. Brushing your thumbs along the darkness around his eyes. Grinning up at him, you pull his face to yours, kissing him deeply.

You feel even more pleased with yourself at your choice to come to him tonight, especially the way you have. He absolutely deserves a reward for his hard work.

His lips begin eagerly kneading against yours, as though a new burst of energy has filled him. You instantly open your mouth, sighing sweetly as his tongue drags around your teeth and across your tongue. You let your arms drop down, quickly undoing your coat and letting it drop around Clavis’ hold on you, startling him as the fabric drapes around his hands.

“Oh my, whatever could this be?” He murmurs against your lips, golden eyes cracked just enough for you to see the mischief glimmering there.

“Well, originally I had intended to come here to help you relieve some stress,” you reply, gently moving his hands away from your waist and allowing the coat to pool around your feet.

“However,” you continue, stepping back, “I feel as though my amazing lover deserves a reward for his hard work and dedication.”

You stand with your arms behind your back as his amber gaze rakes across your body. You’re wearing a pale lavender negligee made of a sheer, gauzy material. Beneath that is your matching lingerie and thigh-high stockings, paired with the silver heels he’d gifted you for your anniversary.

“Oh… I… Oh.”

Your normally eloquent prince is now at a loss for words and you feel a surge of pride at your decision and how clearly enamored he is with your visage.

Taking a step forward, you press your hand on his shoulder, guiding him to kneel before you which he does without resistance. You lift your left leg and drape it over his shoulder, instructing him to place one hand on your left hip and the other on your right thigh.

“You are a sight to behold, my love. You smell like heaven, and your skin is so soft,” He praises, rubbing his cheek against your inner thigh before looking up at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

“Use your mouth,” you murmur.

Clavis gratefully obliges, drawing his tongue along your inner thigh, leaning his body further inward to reach all the way to the edge of your panties, before latching his lips against the extremely sensitive skin. He moans appreciatively as your fingers card through his hair, guiding his mouth along your thigh and relishing the shivers his attentive tongue sends up your spine.

“Mmm, Clavis, your mouth feels so good,” you sigh, pushing his bangs back from his face before continuing, “but I want to do something new with you.”

His eyes flash with excitement, sucking eagerly at the skin of your thigh and leaving a dark bloom in his wake.

“Lick all over, Clavis, get my thighs nice and wet.”

As if granted freedom, Clavis begins to lick and nip at your legs with abandon. His breathy sighs filling the air and you can feel your panties growing wet with excitement.  Without warning, his teeth catch the fabric and yank them away from your dripping core.

“C-Clavis!” You squeak, taken aback by his sudden aggression.

“Smells so sweet. Surely you mustn’t be intending to keep your delicious nectar to yourself my dear?” He purrs, letting his tongue swipe across your folds briefly.

You feel your knees buckle slightly, and Clavis wastes no time lifting you and laying you back against the couch, stripping your underwear off of you the rest of the way before using his fingers to dive into your heat.

“Oh God, Clavis!��� You cry out, arching your back as his fingers draw more and more of your arousal from your cunt, smearing the slickness across your thighs and chuckling mischievously.

“Would this be wet enough for your needs, my dear?”

Clavis draws his fingers gently against the crease of your thigh as his hot breath blows against your folds, and you struggle to remember what your plan had been in the first place.

“I can’t think when you’re doing that…” you complain, pushing his head back to try and regain some sanity.

You sit up, pushing Clavis to stand upright before pulling his pants around his ankles and stroking his stiff cock. “I’m going to turn around and I want you to fuck my thighs.” You instruct.

Clavis’ eyes go wide as you maneuver yourself to kneel on the couch before him on all fours. You feel his warm hands glide over your ass, squeezing and stroking the skin as he leans his body against you. His cock slides smoothly between your legs and both of you moan in unison as his tip brushes against your clit.

Sparks of excitement shoot through you as Clavis rocks against you, dragging his cock back and forth against your body, his voice spilling in sweet moans of pleasure. You let your head hang down and feel your arousal grow even stronger as you watch his tip protrude and disappear with each thrust.

 The brush of his cock against your folds is blissful and your own moans mix with his. His grip on your hips grows stronger and his fingers dig into the plushness of your thighs as his pace begins to grow frantic.

You feel your pussy clench as you anticipate his approaching climax, the erotic sensation and sounds driving you wild and you feel the urge to rock your hips back against him, bouncing your body along his cock until you hear his moans break off into strangled, panting breaths.

Squeezing your thighs together as tightly as you can you move your body faster and in mere moments you watch in eager excitement as thick white ropes of cum spill down your thighs and out onto the couch.

Heaving breaths are all that can be heard now, and you look up over your shoulder at your lover. His wisteria locks plastered to his head with sweat and you feel an intense surge of affection as he smiles at you.

“I think I very much like this reward,” He groans, easing his length out from between your sticky thighs.

You hum happily, pushing yourself up onto your knees and laying back against Clavis’ chest.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m very proud of you Clavis. You truly are amazing.”

Taglist: @aquagirl1978 @queengiuliettafirstlady

[writingwhimsey]

Congratulations on your milestone!!

I'm going to ask for a trope I've never written myself and one I find rather intimidating: May I request Body Swap with Clavis? I think it could be quite fun and I'd love to see how you tackle it! 💜

Thank you so much @violettduchess (also I am so happy to see you back)! This request was so MUCH fun and also I feel honored to write my first Clavis fic for you. This one...well it got a little long (2900 words)! But i hope you and everyone enjoys it!

A bit of crack and fluff (because what else could be perfect for this agent of chaos).

I'm You...You're Me?! HELP!

Clavis woke with a pounding headache. He had attended a ball the previous night with his lovely lover on his arm. At the ball, his lover had had a bit much to drink, goaded into it by some troublesome guests. Of course, the drinking wasn’t the only thing to have happened.

The party had been a rather odd one. The host had recently become fascinated with mysticism and magic. There was no shortage of palm readers, fortune tellers, soothsayers, and supposed magicians, witches, and wizards. All were there to show their talents and offer their potions and services to all the guests.

One of the witches had been handing out supposed love potions and some other potions. One such potion she had offered to Emma. “One sip of this and you and your lover will be able to know each other and understand each other in ways you’ve only dreamed of.” The woman had said as she placed the potion in Emma’s hand.

Emma had accepted the gift, but only out of politeness. She had originally had no intention of taking it…or at least that was until she had been goaded into drinking…and then there had been some taunting by a certain visiting prince from the neighboring kingdom of Benitoite. Then she had downed the potion in her riled up and drunken state. Clavis had carried her from the party and to the carriage before having to carry her to bed.

He still didn’t know how he had ended up with a headache. He hadn’t so much as touched a drop of alcohol. He moved to roll out of bed…only to realize he was on the opposite side of where he recalled falling asleep.

I must have been through more than I thought last night. He thought as he made his way to the bathroom to begin his morning routine. He was surprised when he reached the toilet and went to undo his pants…only to find he wasn’t wearing any, but rather a white lace nightgown.

He blinked in surprise. Maybe someone slipped something into my drink last night. He thought, though something didn’t feel right. He lifted up the nightgown to inspect further only to find something was definitely missing.

Clavis rushed over to the mirror hanging on the wall. He found the face looking back at him was not his own handsome face, but the beautiful face of the one he loved the most. “I…I have to be dreaming.” He spoke, though the voice that came from his mouth was that of his lover.

It was moments later he heard hurried footsteps and then turned as the door opened. In stepped well…him. “Clavis…” The name came from his own lips in his own voice, but the eyes were clearly wide in surprise.

“Emma…”

“I-is…is this a dream?” She asked. “I…it has to be a dream right?”

“Or perhaps that potion from that witch was real.” Clavis replied, still getting used to hearing Emma’s voice when it should have been his own.

“B-but…I thought magic wasn’t real…I thought it was a bunch of hocus pocus!” Emma replied, throwing her…or rather Clavis’s hands up. “Plus I…I never thought that it would do THIS! We have to reverse this!”

“I would think you would enjoy this opportunity, as my lovely lover.” Clavis replied, somehow managing to make a cheshire grin curve on Emma’s own lips. “Not everyone gets the chance to live as such a handsome devil as myself.”

Emma glared at him through his own eyes. “Clavis! I am serious! We can’t let anyone know about this!”

Clavis couldn’t help but to smile at the way she managed to make her cuteness come through even in his own body. It was his face, yet it was clearly her cute little frown. “I’m being serious, too. That witch did say that we would better know and understand each other.”

“That is true…” Emma admitted. “But still, we have to find that witch and get this reversed!”

“We shall, but first we have to get ready.” Clavis replied. “And when we leave, we can’t let anyone know what’s going on.”

“I don’t think anyone would believe us anyways.” Emma replied with a nod. “They’d probably think this was some elaborate prank you convinced me to go along with.”

“Most likely.” Clavis agreed. 

The pair were soon starting to get ready. Emma gasped as Clavis began to reach for his usual face wash. “What?” He asked.

“You CAN’T use THAT on MY face!” She scolded. “You will ruin the skincare routine Yves helped me with!” She was then reaching for a series of bottles and small beautifully decorated jars. “You have to start with this wash, then you have to use this scrub to exfoliate, then this face mask, then you’ll use THIS face wash, and use THIS toner, and then you’ll put this on for sun protection and this one for moisturizing.”

“Gracious what a complicated skincare routine my little brother crafted for you.” Clavis replied, eyes widening.

“Yes, but it has paid off. My skin has never been healthier and it just glows.” Emma replied.

“And here I thought your glow was because of how loved I make you feel.” Clavis replied, pouting playfully.

Emma frowned at him. “That’s a different kind of glow.”

Clavis just chuckled and then began to work through the long and complicated process that was his lover’s skincare routine…though she ended up stopping him and just finishing it up for him because he kept trying to do it out of order…which may or may not have been on purpose.

“Does it always feel this way for you?” Clavis asked, as Emma, in his body, washed his face…or rather her face…this body swapping thing could get a bit confusing.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Well, it always feels good to me when you touch me…but being in your body and experiencing what it feels like to have my hands on you…well this is an entirely different sensation.” Clavis replied.

“Warm, tingly, comforting, with a hint of…something more?” Emma asked.

“Yes, that’s exactly it.” Clavis answered.

“Yes.” She told him. She was then slowing and taking her time even more to finish the process, wanting Clavis to know how it truly felt for her when he took care of her.

Once they had finished that, Emma was going to fix her…or was it Clavis’s hair? When she picked up a comb, Clavis was stopping her. “Oh, no not THAT comb.” Clavis told her, reaching for a specific wooden one. He was then handing her a jar that held some kind of styling product in it. “And you’ll need this as well.”

“What is this for?”

“It helps to make my hair easier to manage and stay in place. Without it, I’m afraid my hair is an utter disaster.” Clavis replied. “Or have you not noticed my terrible bedhead in the mornings?”

“Okay, that is a fair point.” Emma agreed. She was then opening the jar and getting ready to apply it, but Clavis was stopping her once again. “Here, sit down and I’ll help you with that.”

Emma nodded and sat down as Clavis moved behind her. She watched in the mirror as he carefully applied the cream to her…his?...hair. He had a special technique for applying the cream before running the comb through it and styling it just so.

While Clavis was working, Emma took the time to really FEEL what was going on and how his body was reacting to the touch of her hands. There seemed to be some…especially strong reactions when Clavis moved her body closer, heart beating faster…then when her legs pressed especially close, blood beginning to rush…

“Okay, I think that part must be done.” She declared, jumping up.

Clavis looked at her before bursting out laughing. “My lovely lover is finally learning how my body reacts to her.”

“I…” Emma began, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Clavis was absolutely delighted as he finished his task. Emma was practically bolting from the chair afterwards, causing him to laugh once again and her to glare at him. How odd it felt to be glared at by his own eyes, Clavis thought…yet Emma’s adorable nature still showed through.

After finishing up with that part of their morning routines, the couple found themselves in a new pickle. It was time to get dressed. “How in the hell do you get this blasted thing on every day?” Clavis asked Emma, as he struggled to get her corset on. “How can something that I remove from you daily be so difficult to get on?!”

Emma would have laughed had she not been having her own struggles with Clavis’s clothes. “That has to be easier to figure out than all these damn belts!” She countered. “Why do you even wear this many?!”

“Carrying a sword does weigh down your pants.” Clavis replied, matter-of-factly. “Help me with this infernal thing and I’ll help you with the belts.”

“Alright.” Emma agreed.

Sometime later…

After finally getting dressed, Clavis and Emma were ready to set out in search of the witch. “Remember you have to pretend to be me.” Clavis reminded Emma. “You are King Clavis Lelouch.”

“And you are Emma, former Belle of Rhodolite.” She reminded him.

“And I had the brilliance to select two kings.” Clavis replied, grinning.

Emma rolled her eyes…er Clavis’s eyes?...and just gave him a look, which only made him grin more.

Clavis reached for Emma’s…or his hand which currently belonged to Emma. “Come along now, little bunny.” He said, pulling her out the door.

They had made it a few steps down the hall when they were stopped by the seneschal who cared for Clavis’s villa. “Young Master, just where are you headed? Do you not recall the meeting you had scheduled with your council today?”

Emma was trying to figure out why the kind old man was looking at her, but then she remembered that SHE was in Clavis’s body currently. “I…” She began to say, but was having a hard time thinking of something.

“I was just leading him there.” Clavis spoke up, taking on the role of Emma far better than she was at taking the role of him. “I wanted to be sure he got there and of course, because I just love him so and can’t stand to be apart from my devilishly handsome lover for long, I thought I would attend the meeting with him!”

Okay…well he WAS doing better until THAT line. Well TWO could play at that game. “Don’t listen to her. She’s only covering for me. It is I that cannot bare to be apart from my lovely lover.” She said, using the arms she now controlled to wrap around the waist of her own body, hugging Clavis close. “She is FAR too good for me and I don’t deserve her or her love and kindness in the least. But I can’t help but to be a selfish idiot of a man and want her all to myself and to have her at my side at all times.”

The old man looked at the two of them, lifting an eyebrow before shaking his head, though a fond smile appeared across his face. “I’m not really sure what is going on with the two of you today… but just be sure to attend the meeting and don’t make too much of a show of…whatever this is. It is not very gentlemanly.”

When he walked away, Clavis was bursting out laughing. “My lovely lover is so excitable.” He said, looking up at her.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I just did that. But YOU started it.”

“I know and I am so very glad I did.” Clavis replied. “Now I know the joy it feels to be manhandled by myself. The thrill I had when you pulled me in.”

Emma instantly released him. “You are such a hellcat.”

“Come now my dear little rabbit.” Clavis said. “We have a meeting to attend. It is an important one.”

“Right, right…I just hope we can get through it.” Emma replied, feeling a bit nervous.

“Once the meeting is over we can head out in search of our witch.” Clavis replied.

The pair headed for the meeting, Cyran standing guard at the door. The meeting began Clavis speaking up as Emma and declaring that “she” was in attendance as future queen of the kingdom of Lelouch (provisional) and that “she wanted to help out. Emma did her best to impersonate Clavis, but for the most part had to let him take the lead…which everyone found very odd.

Once the meeting concluded the council members were leaving and it was now Clavis, Emma, and Cyran. “Okay are either of you going to tell me what in the hell is going on?” Cyran asked. “Neither of you are acting like yourselves.”

“I don’t know what you could mean.” Clavis replied. “I am perfectly myself, as is my amazingly handsome lover.”

Emma gave Clavis a glare. “I don’t think he;s going to buy that.”

“It’s almost as if you two have switched personalities or something.” Cyran commented.

“You’re not too far off the mark.” Emma replied. 

Cyran looked at them suspiciously. “You took some kind of potion at that party last night didn’t you?” He asked.

“Yes and…well we woke up in each other’s bodies.” Emma said.

Cyran blinked as he looked between the two before bursting out laughing. “That’s…ahaha…so you’re Emma…and you’re…actually Clavis…oh that…that’s a good one.” He said, slowly calming down from his laughter. “Another of your pranks…”

“No. I’m afraid my lovely lover is right.” Clavis told Cyran.

Cyran ceased his laughing and looked at the couple…REALLY looked. “Oh my…you’re serious? So wait, one of those potions actually worked?! I thought they were all charlatans.”

“I did too.” Emma replied. “But I never thought that…THIS would happen!”

“It’s good that you know, Cyran. Now you can help us out.” Clavis said. “We need to go track down that witch.”

“If it weren’t for poor Emma, I’d say you could stand to stay this way a bit longer.” Cyran replied. “But I can’t let her stay like this.”

“Thank you Cyran.” Emma replied.

The trio soon set out in a carriage, searching for the witch. They started with the host of the party, but he wasn’t able to help them narrow it down. He’d had so many special guests last night, but he had given them the names of every one of them. After that, it was a matter of narrowing down the list and tracking down the most likely candidates.

It was taking the entire day. “You look tired.” Clavis said to Emma. He was then reaching up and pulling her close, until her…his…head was resting in his…her…lap.

“What are you doing?” Emma asked.

“Just letting you experience the world’s finest pillow.” Clavis answered with a chuckle. “How many people get to see they’ve rested in their own lap?”

Emma let out a sigh, but then settled down. She had to admit…this was actually rather comfortable. “Okay…I think I might understand why you like using my lap as a pillow so much now.”

Clavis chuckled as he began to run fingers through hair. “Hmm…my hair is quite soft.” He replied. 

“Does it…always feel this good when I mess with your hair?” She asked.

“Every touch from you always feels amazing.” Clavis replied.

“Did you two forget I was here?” Curan asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the two, sitting in the carriage across from them. “Or do you two have any idea how weird this is?”

Emma gave a sheepish look, cheeks reddening. “Sorry.”

Before much longer, the trio was arriving at the final destination…thankfully finding the witch there. She greeted them at the door, a smile on her face. “Ah, I see you took the potion.” She said, looking at them knowingly.

“Yes…and we had no idea that this is what would happen.” Emma replied. “How…how do we get back into our own bodies?”

“Are you able to make a new potion?” Clavis asked.

“There is no counter potion.” The woman answered. “The effects only last a day. You will wake up back to normal tomorrow.”

With that, they returned to the villa. Clavis and Emma helped each other with their nighttime routines before slipping into bed together. Clavis insisted on cuddling and Emma being the big spoon. “I never knew it was so nice to be held like this.” He commented. “Is this how you always feel? So safe and warm when I hold you.”

“Yeah.” Emma answered. “It actually feels nice…holding you like this.”

“You know…there is another experience we could try seeing what it’s like for the other.” Clavis said, a suggestive tone.

Emma was instantly shoving him away. “We are NOT trying THAT!”

“Come on, aren’t you a little curious?” Clavis replied. “I know I’d be interested to know what it feels like.”

“Just go to sleep Clavis.” Emma replied, giving him a stern gaze.

Clavis chuckled. “Alright, but I still think it would be an excellent experiment.”

“Goodnight Clavis.” Emma said, sternly.

“Goodnight, dear little rabbit.” Clavis replied, gently.

They both closed their eyes, the promise of tomorrow things returning back to normal on their minds…and perhaps both with a better understanding of each other.

tags: @zulablaise @kisara-16

[syneilesis]

The Masked Villain

First victim witness: Yves

He's on his way to the kitchen to prepare for the tea party dedicated to Keith, who is visiting again for diplomatic reasons. The hallway is quiet, devoid of people, that Yves wonders where the staff could have gone. He's by the kitchen door when he hears a faint yet unfortunately familiar laugh.

"Oh no no no no no no—" Yves bursts into the room to find the entire kitchen covered in purple goo, with a single rose in the center.

By the window there's a man wearing a tuxedo, a cape, a tophat, and a white domino mask, holding a red rose up his grinning face. His outfit can't hide the distinctive purple hair, and Yves wishes Obsidian invade Rhodolite because he can't deal with this anymore.

"I swear, Clavis—"

"The Masked Villain sends his regards," Clavis declares, gesturing around the gooey disaster, a contrast to his miraculously immaculate appearance.

"What are you talking abou—"

"You haven't seen the last of me—haha!" He flicks his wrist and the rose he's holding flies towards somewhere near the oven. There's a resounding click over there, and Yves feels as if his blood vessels ruptured.

"What did you just do?!"

But Clavis doesn't answer. He turns around dramatically, laughing all the while—like a villain, swooshing cape and all—and jumps off the window.

"Wait, Clavis—"

But it's too late. The purple goo explodes.

Fifth victim witness: Licht (and Yves)

Whispers of The Masked Villain terrorizing the palace residents have reached Sariel, who orders Leon to send Licht on a Very Serious Manhunt. Licht tries to escape from the Very Serious Responsibility, but Yves Very Seriously begged him to end his misery.

"Why don't you talk to Chevalier?" Licht asks.

"Wouldn't that make it worse?" Yves wonders.

Licht's patrolling at the garden, and Yves notices the decreasing blooms of roses. They have an inkling of who's behind it, but they're too wary to bring the issue up to Sariel, lest they—

"WAAAHHH—"

Licht blinks and the bright blue sky greets him. Yves groans underneath him, and Licht realizes that they fell in a pit. Again.

"When will it end," Yves laments.

An unfortunately familiar laughter rings above them, and Clavis emerges with his tuxedo costume. Yves wails while Licht silently wishes to be stationed at the Rhodolite-Obsidian border.

"As long as peace exists, The Masked Villain is here to break it." Clavis throws a red rose at them, the stem clear of thorns. "You can never stop me!"

He exits with a flourish, his cape flapping as dramatically as his acting. Not for the first time, Licht wishes he's away from the palace for an indefinite length of time. Anything to escape this menace.

Thirteenth target victim enemy witness: Chevalier (and Emma)

Chevalier isn't in his office, which means that he's in his private library. When Emma opens the door, a sea of roses washes up at her feet.

She smothers a gasp. "What's going on? Are you okay in there, Prince Chevalier?!"

The prince in question doesn't answer, but there is an unfortunately familiar laughter inside, which definitely answers all the questions Emma has at the moment.

"The beautiful lady will witness your demise, my most grievous adversary," Clavis says, his tone unable to hide his glee. "The Masked Villain shall make an example out of you."

On the only chair in the private library sits Chevalier, who's been ignoring Clavis the entire time as if he's not there, intently reading a book about time traveling lovers and turning a page every seven seconds.

This does not deter Clavis in the slightest, and a short laugh is the only warning before he throws a rose like a dart at Chevalier.

"Prince Chevalie—"

Chevalier turns a page, the rose misses by an inch and embeds itself between two thick novels.

Emma whirls around Clavis. "That's dangerous, what in the world are you thinking?!"

"Stand back, my lady, for I will end the beast's terror today!"

Emma hears a sigh to her side, and she glances to find Chevalier two-thirds into the book. It must've been a good book, she thinks.

But then a thought occurs to her: "Wait. I thought you're the villain? Why would you stop a—and I'm borrowing your words here—'beast's terror'?"

There's a lengthy pause in which Emma just stares at Clavis, and Clavis just keeps on grinning, and Chevalier just continues reading. Clavis's grin falters minutely after reflecting upon Emma's question, but he recovers by flapping his cape dramatically. Chevalier's own cloak rustled in commiseration.

"A villain does not explain his goals," he counters. "Fear and admire my handsome prowess!"

There's an open window behind Clavis, and he leaps over it, cackling all the while, leaving Emma to gawk after him. The sound of another page turning echoes in the room.

Emma turns back to Chevalier, who seems so removed about the whole thing.

"... Clavis has left a lot of mess, your highness."

Only the click of his tongue is Chevalier's reply.

Outside, Yves's screams pervade the courtyard.

to be continued...?

I just remembered that Kenji Nojima also voiced Tuxedo Mask in the new Sailor Moon version, and now I can't get the idea of Clavis running around in a mask and a tuxedo out of my head, throwing roses like darts around, but mostly at Chevalier, who is so, so, so very tired and done with Clavis's shenanigans.

[chirp-a-chirp]

Ikemen Prince: Protection

Emma: *Picturing Leon’s soft smile* I WILL PROTECT THIS MAN WITH EVERYTHING.

Yves: You are over half a foot shorter than Leon is.

Emma: THEN I WILL WEAR HIGH HEELS AS I UNSHEATHE MY BLADE.

Yves: You HAD to teach Emma how to sword fight, didn’t you Licht?

Licht: It was either that or have her accidentally stab others.

Yves: And you just HAD to get Emma THOSE heels, didn’t you Jin?

Jin: Actually, that was Clavis. He’s our leg man.

Clavis: And yet she refused the pair with my special straps!

Emma: Those heels were more net than shoe. And the straps went PAST my thighs!

Leon: *Walks into the room* Now wait a minute, let’s see these shoes.

Clavis and Jin: *Grins*

Leon: JUST ME PERVS. *Picks Emma off and dashes away*

[clavissionary-position]

[here-for-gilbert]

It was 2 AM and I kept thinking: if the boys got fat, where would it show the most?

Jin: boobs. Boob man gets his boobs (and maybe he likes to touch them as well)

Chevalier: middle part of the body. he turns into diamond shape

Clavis: cheeks, big hamster cheeks.

Leon: ass. Leon gets a nice big, plump ass. (one with which he knocks stuff down and makes an even bigger mess in their office)

Yves: ass, tights, and hips. (and he cannot fit into any of the pants anymore)

Licht: he is already quite thin, so he would look the same just be one size bigger (finally looking healthy)

Nokto: chin. double chin, maybe even a triple one.

Luke: arms, arms and legs (finally looking like a bear)

Rio: he turns into a Michelin mascot

Sariel: how come the palace devil is not showing any fat?!? Is it the clothes?? Is it biology?!? The mystery remains unsolved

Silvio: Shrek, he looks like Shrek.

Keith: he just gets round. like Baymax

Gilbert: that man has a black hole for a stomach but maybe the Kloss genes kick in? So same as Yves

[randonauticrap]

Scorchie, I'm howling 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is absolutely hysterical. Jin chiding Chev for eating the roses, Rio intentionally ruining Silvio's style, Leon's good-natured cluelessness, Keith! I needed that laugh, oh my God, thank you for this. 😂💞

⬥◇◆ Clothes Shopping with the Ikeprinces ◆◇⬥

With Act 3 and Silvio's route just around the corner, let's slow down, take a step back, and remember how we all ended up in here. Particularly, how we all ended up in these clothes.

Silvio’s Dubious Preorder ◆◇⬥

*the front door to the clothes shop opens in the middle of the night*

Shopkeeper: Who’s there?

Silvio: Your worst nightmare…

*Silvio drops a heavy bag of coins in the shopkeeper's hands*

Silvio: And your salvation.

Shopkeeper: What?

Silvio: Listen closely, tailor. Tomorrow you will be visited by a pathetic pack of princes with questionable fashion sense. They are in search of new outfits to wear for the upcoming story arc and have chosen your lousy shop as their genius loci. Lucky you.

Shopkeeper: …What?

Silvio: I’ll be in attendance as well, but I’m only interested in an outfit that’ll blow everyone else’s out of the water, so I’ll mostly be observing from the sides. All you gotta do is keep those other guys occupied and catch all the notes I send your way. You’re an experienced man, you’ll know when I’m dropping you a hint. But no one else needs to know about our little deal, capisce? 

*Silvio pats the coin bag and leaves. Shopkeeper puts on glasses and cleans out his ears*

Shopkeeper: WHAT?

⬥◇◆THE NEXT DAY ◆◇⬥

Judge Yves, Round 1 ◆◇⬥

Yves: As members of Rhodolite’s domestic faction, we are the pillars our citizens look towards to represent the values our kingdom instills in art, culture, and conduct. The outfits we select today must not only reflect the propriety expected of the royal family, but also that of our people for generations to follow.

Yves: Jin! Button your shirt all the way up right this moment!

Jin: You can’t cage the collarbones, Yves!

Yves: Leon! Too much detailing will overwhelm your conversation partners! You look like you’re drowning in gold.

Leon: But you’re talking to me just fine now?

Yves: Licht! You look wonderful, of course. But if I had to nitpick, the white on your lapels clashes with your black jacket. Try wearing more color, you don’t want to look like a walking chessboard.

*Sariel slowly backs into the dressing room*

Nokto Seeing Double ◆◇⬥

Nokto: No, this blue vest doesn’t bring out my eyes quite right.

*hands vest over to Licht. Licht tries it on*

Nokto: Hm… and these tassels make my face look too narrow.

*hands shoulder pads over to Licht. Licht tries them on*

Nokto: And these black gloves clash horribly with my hair, what was I thinking?

*hands gloves over to Licht. Licht tries them on*

Nokto: You look great, Licht. Ugh, nothing in this entire store works for me!

*a bag of coins flies across the store*

Silvio: Tailor! No vests, tassels, or gloves!

Judge Yves, Round 2 ◆◇⬥

Yves: Ahem! I’m only doing this because you four are an extension of Rhodolite beyond the borders, and I don’t want you messing up our image in front of our neighbors. It’s not like I particularly care how you dress everyday!

Nokto: Aww, Evie, you care~

Yves: Shut it! Ahem! For starters, the white theme you all have is a very nice choice. It’s a good idea to set up a visual indicator to let others know you’re working as a team.

Clavis: Oh, that wasn’t intentional. This humble shop is simply fortunate enough to have had enough pieces for each of us. Otherwise, these poor white coats would have been prematurely stained red! Hahaha!

Yves: Wha—?

Clavis: With strawberry jam, of course! Chev gets particularly pouty when someone wears white instead of him. I wouldn’t put it past him to “accidentally” sully that poor someone’s outfit with his toast.

Luke: That’s why I eat mine with honey instead!

Yves: No, that’s why we eat breakfast before we leave the palace! 

*Yves swipes the toast from Chevalier and Luke*

Yves: Luke! If you’re going to wear white, you can’t carry honeyed toast in your pockets!

Yves: Clavis! If you’re going to wear a coat over a jacket again, at least make them match in style this time!

Yves: Nokto! If you’re not going to button your vest all the way, you have to wear a shirt underneath!

*Chevalier covers his chest and slowly backs into the dressing room*

Small Talk Sariel ◆◇⬥

*In a quiet corner of the store, Keith looks over himself in the mirror. Sariel notices and joins him*

Sariel: Ah, a modest choice, Prince Keith. Were you to show Prince Yves, I am certain he would impart nothing but praise.

Keith: 🙂

Sariel: Modesty is, of course, cornerstone for a prince to emblem. Although, with our continent so rife with rowdy royals, one would not want to appear too humble, lest he be trampled by his more verbally-inclined peers.

Keith: 😐

Sariel: But too loud a statement piece would have a similar effect of disfavor among colleagues. One would not want to appear too brash in company of those whose opinions matter.

Keith: 😟

Sariel: Finding that sweet spot in the middle is crucial to deduce, and this is the moment to do it. Tell me, Prince Keith, is this the outfit you wish to present to the world in the next act?

Keith: Excuse me, I seem to have misplaced something in the dressing room.

*another bag of coins flies across the store*

Silvio: Make it loud, tailor!

Multi-talented and Multi-purpose Luke ◆◇⬥

Luke: Hey, Yves! How about this? I keep the lid open just enough to stick a spoon in like this, and my pockets get to stay completely… Hey, you okay?

*Yves blushes in surprise*

Yves: Yes, yes! Why wouldn’t I be?

Luke: Well, you’ve been standing by the hair accessories for a long time now.

Yves: Because there’s no one else here. I need rest from evaluating all your outfits, obviously.

*Luke puts down the honey jar*

Luke: Hey, close your eyes for a bit.

Yves: What for?

Luke: Just trust me. Besides, you said you wanted to rest, right?

*5 minutes later*

Luke: Tada! Whaddya think?

Yves: How did you…?

Luke: My sister used to make me braid her hair all the time. I’d say I’m pretty good at it, eh?

*Yves blushes in joy*

Yves: Thank you. But how did you manage to keep it in place? You didn’t use any clips or anything.

Luke: Oh, that’s ‘cause I packed it tight with honey. It oughta keep its shape all week, plus it’s good for the scalp. Bonus!

*Yves blushes in rage*

Life Lessons with Big Brother Jin ◆◇⬥

Jin: Hey, Chevalier. Come try this cloak on, it’ll help cover your…

*Chevalier quickly wipes his mouth and hides his hands behind his back*

Jin: …

Chevalier: …

Jin: Chev…

Chevalier: I was merely inspecting them for poisons.

Jin: Come on, big guy. We’ve been through this.

Chevalier: The showoff apprehended my toast. 

Jin: You can’t eat the roses.

Chevalier: …

Jin: …

Chevalier: The yellow ones taste best.

Jin: So you’ve told me.

*yet another bag of coins flies across the store*

Silvio: Bring me the juiciest rose you have! I know you’re keeping it from me!

Gilbert’s Infinite Hyperspace ◆◇⬥

Gilbert: Are you sure the shopkeeper won’t mind you making alterations to his designs?

Clavis: That wonderful man doesn’t need to worry about a single hair on his rapidly balding head! I won’t be defiling his style because all the additions I’m making will be completely hidden from sight.

Gilbert: How like you to run your dirty work in the shadows. Such fun.

Clavis: I wouldn’t use that particular arrangement of words to describe it, per se. But considering Sariel has egregiously forbidden me from purchasing more than one belt today, I am forced to improvise my carry-on capabilities.

Gilbert: Ah, pockets! How very fun, indeed!

Clavis: Not just any pockets! Secret pockets! And just look at this enormous canvas I have to work with! Only… my hands were full on the way over here carrying Chevalier’s breakfast, so I wasn’t able to bring much of my usual tools to measure. I don’t like leaving the palace without at least a net or two on hand.

Gilbert: You can borrow mine!

*Gilbert produces a large fish net out of thin air*

Clavis: How fortunate, this will work nicely! I do wish I could have brought my trusty shovel with me, though. 

Gilbert: Regular or extra large?

*Gilbert produces two digging shovels out of thin air*

Clavis: Ah... R-regular is fine…

Gilbert: Anything else?

Clavis: You’ve been plenty helpful, I couldn’t impose—

Gilbert: No need to be shy. You still have plenty of space to work with, I see. 

Clavis: …

Gilbert: Try me.

Clavis: …Well, I do like to be armed with more than just my sword—

Gilbert: How about this?

*Gilbert produces a hatchet out of thin air*

Clavis: … Thank you.

Gilbert: What are friends for?

*Gilbert claps his hands, taps his cane twice, and pulls a tiny comb out of the heel of his boot. He combs Clavis’s hair out of his eyes and walks away smiling as the largest bag of coins yet flies across the store*

Silvio: Secret pockets! But don’t tell anyone where they are, you hear? Not even me!

Doggy See, Doggy Do ◆◇⬥

Leon: Find anything you like, Rio?

Rio: Lots! But I’m just not sure she’d like them, too.

Leon: Why not show me what you got so far? I may not be Yves or Sariel, but I’ll bet I can point out a stinker in the mix.

Rio: Okay then. What do you think of this gilded vest?

Leon: Awesome! The color matches your eyes perfectly. That’s good… I think?

*Coin bag toss #1*

Silvio: Tailor! Look into my eyes and get me a jacket that matches them perfectly! No, not a vest! We said no vests!

Rio: Huh, that was weird. Anyway, what about this broach?

Leon: She’d love it! The looped design brings out the curves of your smile just right. That kind of attention to detail is probably really important.

*Coin bag toss #2*

Silvio: Tailor! Bring me your loopiest jewelry! The more hoops, the better!

Rio: Did you hear something? Ah, nevermind. Do you think I should go with one earring or two?

Leon: Hmm… Yves rocks the one earring look—

*Coin bag toss #3*

Silvio: Tailor! I want your gaudiest single earring in my palm right this second!

Leon: —but earrings are supposed to come in pairs, right? So maybe two would be fine. For symmetry, and all that.

*Coin bag toss #4*

Silvio: Make that two!

Leon: Sorry, I’m not too sure, to be honest.

*Rio knowingly smirks*

Rio: Your advice is great, Prince Leon. Tell me, what do you think of these snow boots?

Leon: Well, it’s not exactly winter. But they’re really a statement piece, and she might appreciate a good conversation starter.

*Coin bag toss #5*

Silvio: I need the furriest boots you’ve got in this place, pronto!

Rio: And this zebra-print cloak?

Leon: Chevalier looks good in tiger stripes. I guess that’s basically the same thing.

*Coin bag toss #6*

Silvio: Where do you keep the darn striped fabrics, old man?

Rio: Great! What’s your opinion on oversized hats?

Leon: Uhh… go big or go home?

*Coin bag toss #7*

Silvio: GO BIG OR GO HOME!!

Leon: Hey, Rio, do you hear an echo?

Rio: Nope. Just the sound of a nation’s GDP falling.

I wanted to add a joke about their gloves, but this post is getting way out of hand, even without puns.

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