#classifying things i love to arbitrarily sort…

[steelycunt]

i remember you saying you like to rank stuff (a person after my own heart, truly) so rank the Shakespeares you've read so far

(only if you want ofc!!!)

i do LOVE to rank stuff!! was thrilled to see this ask come in i love ranking + i love shakespeare thank you anon xx i would only say ive actually ‘read’ five shakespeare plays but i will rank them worst to best xx

fifth -> romeo and juliet. controversial perhaps…i think i would appreciate it maybe if i were to revisit it now because i read it so many years ago now but i did not like it all that much…honestly i found it a little dull..

fourth -> the tempest. again i did not love this one…in fact of all of them i remember the least about this one it was just. i have no notes i am just indifferent to the tempest..

third -> twelfth night. twelfth night! i did it at a level for my englit course and while i did not enjoy it while i was studying it i have more of an appreciation of it looking back…i tend to prefer the tragedies but twelfth night is a good time i was too harsh on it back then (and bitter over the poorly worded exam question i got on it) xx smthn smthn dost thou think because thou are virtuous there shall be no more cakes and ale like okay girl say that!

second -> hamlet. which i read last month! really liked it i still haven’t sat down to watch the andrew scott production yet which i need to do…i’ve never seen any production of hamlet actually xx it was so good when i read it though i understand why it’s a popular one xx

first -> macbeth. my favourite shakespeare play i LOVE macbeth it’s so fucking good…did it for gcse and loved it even then it’s so fun like life […] is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing? people DIED!

[presumenothing]

FICTOBER 2020 – PROMPTS #01 TO #05 – WTNV/FMA AU – GEN, NO WARNINGS

📻 PREVIOUSLY ON: episode one – pilot

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“NO, COME BACK, said the spider to the fly, but we all know how the rest of that story goes.

“Welcome to Resembool.”

“TODAY, THERE IS THIS: a story about someone.

“This information is less helpful than you might think. All stories are about someone, in the singular or plural or uncountable. It’s what makes them stories, instead of disparate collections of facts and events loosely coiled about some narrative anchor.”

“HERE, THEN, are the particular someones this story concerns itself with – a man who is not large, and a man who is not small.

“Of course, this is only one way of describing them, and not even the one most people might use. Truth is not often equivalent to relevance, but for the purposes of this story it is close enough anyway.

“The man who is not large sits at a desk with a phone. The scene is not much different to anyone else sitting at a desk with a phone, and indeed not much different from his usual behaviour at all, except that he is frowning.

“This is, in turn, because his calls are not getting through.”

“AT THIS MOMENT, the man who is not small arrives. There is very little in common in the way of physical appearance between these two men, save for the possibility that if you ignore everything else about the situation, you might quite understandably think that both of their faces are made for smiling.

“Neither one is smiling now. The man who is not small crouches a little when entering the room, as some people who are not small are wont to do. No luck, sir? he asks.

“No luck, the man who is not large agrees, but not in a way that is frustrated.

“Or rather – it is true that he is frustrated, but that is not the most relevant thing. He taps his fingers, looks to the ceiling, and thinks.”

-

“WE CUT BRIEFLY AWAY from this story to the community classifieds.

“Item: Curtis Butchers is looking to hire an additional staff. The job requires comfort around cleavers and other large knives, but not butchery experience since you will find yourself learning rapidly on the job, and anyway that’s the easy part. What’s the hard part? Wouldn’t you like to know. To apply, head down to the store and challenge one person to arm wrestling. Who you choose will be the first part of your interview. Good luck!

“Item: Ice-cream truck found in the parking lot of Dark Owl Records, vacant but in good condition. If this is yours, contact Rebecca Catalina, owner of Dark Owl Records. If this is not yours, but you are interested, maybe contact her anyway. She has some interesting ideas about a joint venture of sorts.”

“AND FINALLY – item: Base to Phoenix, town square, ten o’clock. That’s… literally all this last sheet of paper says. No clue what that’s about, but doubtless the recipient must have understood the message anyway.

“This has been the community classifieds.”

-

“AND NOW, WE RETURN TO the story at hand.

“…so I figured it was worth a try, the man who is not large is saying to the man who is not small. I have a theory that– never mind, we’ll know if it’s true or not based on how this pans out.

“The man who is not small does not say anything aloud in response to this statement. The contemplative silence is uncharacteristic of him, or at least how people usually perceive him, but then again everything they are doing now is uncharacteristic of how people usually perceive them.”

“PERCEPTION, AS IT HAPPENS, can often be neither relevant nor true.

“He’s going to kill me if this actually goes through, the man who is not large remarks, in a manner all too cavalier for such a comment. Ringing him up just to talk his ear off.

“That didn’t stop you before, the man who is not small observes.

“The man who is not large laughs. It really hasn’t, yeah. But who wouldn’t be happy to hear my dulcet tones? Or, more importantly… the news of my beloved wife and lovely daughter!”

“THE MAN WHO IS NOT SMALL studies the stack of photographs that have been thrust in his face. She really is growing up well, he says, and this impression at least is true if not particularly relevant.

“Although it is very relevant to the man who is not large, judging by the breadth of his grin. You’re a good man, Major. Ever consider having kids yourself?”

-

“LET’S PAUSE HERE AND TAKE A LOOK at traffic.

“There is a woman. We will call her Emma, and I won’t tell you if that is her real name – or more accurately I can’t, for reasons that will soon become clear.

“Emma came to this town just over two years ago, bringing only her daughter with her. Old Woman Pinako, smoking a pipe on her porch near the car lot, would see her arrival and think privately that it seemed more like a fleeing.

“Then she would extinguish her pipe and come forward to offer assistance anyway. They would not form any kind of instant trust, because Old Woman Pinako had been right in her guess, but both are practical women, in the way that you tended to get when you are adjacent to someone who practices alchemy.”

“BUT THAT WAS THE PAST. This is now.

“Now, Emma listens to the radio, hears about the newcomers to town, and worries. Her daughter is older, now, and I will tell you nothing about her either, besides that she has brown braids and blue eyes and a smile like the sun. Sometimes, she plays happily with the dog that welcomes her at Rockbell Automail, like Den reminds her of a family pet she was too young to remember.

“Sometimes, out the corner of Emma’s eye, her daughter bears a different form, like she is not sure what shape she should have when no one is looking. Sometimes it reminds her of the shadowed shapes she saw in the basement lab, the ones her husband only smiled about when she asked, scared and desperate and furious: you did this? Is this also what you’re planning to do to me, to N–

“And so Emma wonders if she got them away from her husband quickly enough, and worries if the newcomers are looking to bring her back. If they suspect what her husband, the alchemist, had been trying to do.”

“THE GENERAL ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS is that she did what she had to, and will continue to do so. The specific answers are yes, probably no, and no.

“The real answer is that none of these answers will be enough to reassure her, but at least they might help.

“This has been traffic. And now, the weather.”

-

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“SO THAT’S THE WEATHER FORECAST FOR this coming week, but perhaps there was something you were more keen to hear about. A phone call, perhaps.

“Alas, listeners, I’m afraid I don’t much news for you on that front. You see, there are municipal regulations requiring enclosed booths around payphones to prevent undue weather damage to the equipment. As such, when the phone in the town square rang at ten, and a man stopped to answer it, there was a door he could pull closed behind him.

“However, the regulations say nothing about making the booth proof against eavesdropping, only rain, and so some parts of his words still drifted out anyway, stolen snatches of half a conversation: why did we let you choose the codenames? and yes, Eagle is fine, just itching to shoot something and I’ll report in as soon as I have something to–

“THIS LAST PART is said with forehead pressed against glass, eyes scanning the darkened streets outside, and presumably this is related to the way he stops suddenly, mid-sentence. A hurried murmur, too low to even guess at, and then he is hanging up and stepping out, pushing the door open.

“Who’s there? the man asks, measured in the way of someone who expects to be answered, and the words do not hang suspended in the night for long before a figure steps out of the shadows, hood drawn down around his shoulders.”

“THE MAN’S STANCE changes completely: he stiffens, and his tone is no longer measured when he says Marcoh? What are you doing here?

“It’s Mauro, the Sheriff replies, pulling his customary hood back up, and I could ask you the same thing, Lieutenant Colonel.

“It’s Colonel, actually, the man corrects, but not in a way that is actually meant to be a correction. I told everyone when we first arrived, it’s just for surveillance.

“The Sheriff says nothing, but the silence is loud enough anyway: that answer was unacceptable, try again.

“They’re planning something, and this town is standing in their way. Either it submits, or– you know what they’ll do. I can’t let that happen again, he finishes with an urgency that makes the words sound true, and relevant, and completely opaque to anyone else.”

“BUT THAT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED. This has been a story about someone, after all, none of which are us, and just because something is true and relevant to you does not guarantee that you will understand it at all.

“Stay tuned next for the crackling jingle of a blue truck parked by a records store, and the worried weight of a mother tucking her daughter in while wondering what will come tomorrow.

“Good night, Resembool. Good night.”

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📻 TODAY’S PROVERB:

There are many things in this world worth an arm and a leg. If it’s not your own, at least.

(AO3)

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happy inaugural fma day to me, and yes i’m celebrating it by putting out 100% self-indulgent content that is only borderline recognisable as fma because i can!! this also serves as a somewhat nonstandard fill to the first five fictober prompts, one for each section of the episode. i had to contort pretzels around myself putting some of them in, but it was a fun challenge anyway

this episode’s weather (which is arbitrarily decided by which 80s song is currently stuck in my head) was “eye in the sky” by the alan parsons project

characters introduced this episode, for those keeping score at home: maes as the man who is not large (who codenamed roy and riza as phoenix and eagle respectively for this op), alex as the man who is not small, curtis butchers as big rico’s, rebecca catalina as michelle nguyen, ex-mrs tucker pseudonym emma and nina as alive and well because to hell with shou tucker, and last but not least – marcoh as the sheriff of night vale, just because

[rametarin]

While the American Left would happily tell you “OH YEAH THE REPUBLICANS/CONSERVATIVES ARE ALL ABOUT RUSSIA” just because he’s been trying to appeal to them for the last 5-10 years, the reality I think is that it has not penetrated that deep into Dale Gribble country.

But the intention, and we can argue the degree of success, is to try and get the MAGA hat types to side with Putin. Since Putin and his sorts are trying to get people to side with Russia against “liberal” causes like LGBT rights, the erosion of white identity and ethnicity and appeal to their sense of religious dedication.

I think it’s fated to fail, because it’s like making friends with that fellow person that loves animals but has a dark secret. At some point they want to advance the friendship further, but that requires revealing that supposed fellow animal lover is actually either a militant vegan or a zoophile, and that is DRASTICALLY different than bonding with someone whom you thought loved one thing but actually loves something entirely different.

People that hate both Putin and conservatives/republicans/white people will eat it up and go, “SEE!? SEEEEE?!!? EXACTLY THE SAME KIND OF PERSON! NAZIS!” but that’s not even close to what’s happening here. You can find the equivalent of a radical moron moaning about Putin being the strong guy standing up to, “liberal degeneration” and probably then spiral off into anti-semitic rants against either Jews, Israel or Judaism, but that’s just it. Those kinds are minority wackadoos and do not represent anyone but the specific minority fringe. They’ll happily say the fringe represents the mainstream, however.

Even still, Putin trying to appeal to others identities and insecurities and seeking out allies for, “standing up to Globo Homo” or whatever, as a strategy of survival and domestic sympathy in other nations. By trying to appropriate the Orthodox Russian Church as a national identifier and kiosk of Russian culture around the world, packaging Russification with religion. He’s creating potential reasons and handwavery possibilities for why Russian minorities could exist and be tolerated across the misc. competing political spectrums across various nations, for at least a few might find it beneficial to side with the Russians.

It’s why some parts of America declared, “Eastern Europeans don’t classify as ‘white’, and thus are not beholden to white privilege or the imperialist legacy,” in far-leftist circles. Seemingly arbitrarily. And those ones aren’t the conservatives doing that.

An actually real list of videogames Russia is planning to ban, based on new anti-LGBT laws