#civil ethics brain is just glad they're finding happiness far away from us. animal rage brain wants them dead

[lesboylycan]

going to drink monster (especially in times when we need to self regulate) and not be afraid of talking about it as a "fuck you" gesture to our ex who

(A) pushed us into a mental breakdown because we decided to drink monster as a form of emotional regulation because we didn't have any other coping mechanisms available that were working under the excuse of being concerned for our health, in spite of us repeatedly telling them that we knew the risks. (keep in mind, we rarely ever had monster. meanwhile, they would regularly have multiple cans of monster in a day. we'd only had what amounted to a single can of monster, maybe one and a quarter that day.)

(B) said, word for fucking word, when we were feeling upset and hurt by things that they did, "we love you+ more than anything, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna let you+ hurt us in your+ own self destruction" (meanwhile they'd. pushed us into a fucking mental breakdown. and bonus! they didn't even remember they said this when we later tried to talk to them about how much it hurt us, and continued to forget that this was the part that hurt us most in later complaints about us still being hurt when they'd never genuinely apologized!)

(C) refused to apologize or take responsibility for any part of it; the only times they would apologize for an entire year was in an effort to make us "forgive" them so we'd stop talking about it so they could stop feeling bad. they would repeatedly play victim and refuse to actually listen to why we were hurting.

(D) accused us of holding the incident over their heads as an excuse to hate them ("i wonder if you’ll hate us for this too / is this gonna be another monster situation? / are you gonna hold this over our heads when we’re just Worried about you+?") when we had been, quite understandably, fucking traumatized

(E) in the very last apology they made for the incident, while we don't think they were solely making it to make us stop being upset with them (since they did finally actually apologize for hurting us), their very first sentence was "i’m sorry we haven’t been as good of a partner as we thought we were". which um. if you're trying to apologize to someone for hurting them, those probably should not be the very first words you say before actually apologizing for hurting them!

and, in all, the time it took from point A to get to point E was from early/mid October 2022, all the way to mid October 2023. a little over a year. which, in my professional (angry, pissed off) opinion, is way too fucking long. and an extra fun fact: we were literally afraid to mention drinking monster to them at all, regardless of reasons why, even after point E happened, specifically because of this incident.