#cinematically they're a wash

[fabiansociety]

we have watched so many rodgers and hammerstein movie musicals in the last couple of years, and they're all… bad?

so, okay: most of them make an attempt to grapple with race and gender in ways that are progressive for the time, but they're all held down by aggressively mediocre songs and some truly egregious cinematic decisions. like, the king and i wouldn't be *good* if it starred actually thai actors instead of a bunch of white people in yellowface, but it would have been *less bad.* flower drum song *is* better that way… but you're still grappling with a tepid, threadbare plot and some real mid songs. the cast is doing everything they can, but it's still a loooooot of pidgin english, you know?

the sound of music is the only we've seen that works as a movie, but even then the parts that work are the ones that have the least to do with the music. it's cinematically gorgeous, and the last 30 minutes of sound of music is incredible, but you have to wade through 150 minutes of dull, treacly songs to get to the escape sequence, and it's just. not. worth. it.

i've gone in and added a bunch of sondheim musicals to our list just out of desperation, because for as bad as a little night music and into the woods are, man, at least the *songs* aren't the problem

[magellanicclouds]

Halo - An Essay: regarding waste management systems and devices for MJOLNIR armoured Spartans It has been a hectic sort of few weeks. Between work and getting sick again (for the fourth time already this year thanks to my crewmates who can't remember it's their duty to stay home when they're ill) I've been on the outs. I haven't had the energy for much, but I'm usually a pretty active person, so this has kind of made me loopy? Which feels like as good a time as any to talk at length about the concept of catheterizing Spartans for waste management in MJOLNIR.

Let me explain.

This Silly Post crossed my dash recently and I fully understand it is meant as lighthearted fun - we have fun here. But it also dragged out some strong thoughts I've had haunting in the back of my mind about this for years because I'm super normal about Halo, and have time on my hands and the right amount of sleep deprivation and medication on board. So I wrote 3500 words about it. And about Karen Traviss, who is pretty knotted up in this conversation, since she's the one who decided to start it back in 2011.

To preface, I'm not an expert, but I have worked in emergency medicine for 25 years, and been a fan of Halo for almost as long. I've had more of a lukewarm relationship with it the last decade or so if I'm being honest, but it will always have a home in my heart; I just think letting it under my skin like that in the first place may have made me feral and prone to biting. Thankfully, I can always happily rotate Fred in my mind until the heat-death of the universe, so that's nice. Anyway, full disclosure: the essay below contains discussion about medical devices, physical trauma, and I am sharing quite a lot of personal negativity about the Kilo-5 trilogy and Karen Traviss. That said, if you'd like to sit in on the length of what I'm about to yell into the sky about all this, you can find it under the cut. I love you.

Welcome to my dissertation.

Section 1 - The Relevant Background:

Equipping Spartans with urinary catheters weeded itself into the Halo universe in the 2011 book Halo: Glasslands, during a conversation between Spartan II Naomi-010 and ODST Mal Geffen. Glasslands was the first in Karen Traviss's Kilo-5 trilogy, and she is both the originator of this, and the only official Halo author or source to have used catheters specifically since. Some context: I don't personally like these books, or their author, or even her reasoning for why she chose to add this. My personal preference doesn't make something 'bad', and I'm not out to hurt any feelings. Kilo-5 isn't a total wash for me, there are some characters and ideas that I'd of otherwise loved to have seen explored through the lens of a different author, but these books felt smothered under Traviss's habit of always injecting her very loud personal voice into the narrative fabric. I think this is something that's fine to do in an original series, but doesn't really belong in an established third party IP. She bangs on about so much of her own narrow worldview and self-assured prejudices across the trilogy that still discussing them today creates division in the fandom, and sadly did a lot of lasting damage to a couple characters. But for the topic here, the dialogue that started all this cath chat came from Naomi-010, having idle conversation with Mal who asks her about bathroom breaks. “I’m catheterized. Another reason why that machine has to be so precisely calibrated. This suit plugs into me in a lot of places.” 'The Machine' she's referring to is a Brokkr assembly, which was introduced to the lore as a large mechanical armature used to get Spartans in and out of MJOLNIR. You can see them in action in cinematics from Halo 4 (+Spartan Ops) and 5.

One single mention, and it was big news. Traviss was naturally interviewed about it because of course she was - people can't help themselves but forget an entire novel and tunnel vision on 'but how pee pee?', and her answer has always irritated me. It's not in what she says, so much as what 'what she says' means in her voice. Traviss didn't answer it directly, but instead talked about how she likes to get into character's heads by addressing the mundane necessity of things that often go overlooked to expand a sense of familiarity with the character and their world. Sounds super reasonable, I know, but don't give her too much credit - that's not a quote. It's just me paraphrasing and honestly I was pretty generous in my wording. Probably because I agree! What bugs me about it, is if you've ever read literally any interview with her, or her personal musings about her writing process, you know there's a bit of an 'honesty' issue there. She's somebody who feels perfectly comfortable ignoring established character voices, traits, or histories to satisfy whatever roles she's reinvented for them, and too many others wind up as mouthpieces. How much are you really challenging yourself in finding characters' voices when most of them are just yours? And the part about familiarity with their world? I giggled a little. She doesn't care about their world, or their aesthetics, or their technology, or their medicine. Because she didn't care about Halo while writing these, and she's not vague about admitting that. It's a matter of pride for her to purposefully refuse to research those things, in the same way she disregarded Star Wars and Gears of War - she doesn't consider the effort to be a valuable part of her process. So instead she'll skim the foundation, gather some recognizable names, pick her targets, and trusts that her personal experiences combined with an outsider perspective will generate better content to seamlessly overwrite what existed. Cool, Karen. Annoying, but why bring all that up? We're here to talk about catheters, right? Well, the fandom for the most part begin and end their assessment of the dialogue at urinary catheters, but the whole quote implies so much more than that - "This suit plugs into me in a lot of places." We're not just dealing with a cath, but apparently with multiple additional external-to-invasive connections. Reader, this dialogue is a plinth to Traviss's bizarre refusal to research not only the franchises she's contracted to write in, but also just into the basic function and hazards of existing concepts that she wants to introduce, and all because she's convinced herself she's done learning about the world. Choosing to ignore the creative freedom of limitless potential in a future of technology that would be basically magic to us today, and instead degrade 529 years of advancement is certainly a take, but it's even more ridiculous to do it with a subject (The Spartan Programme) that is considered to be the peak of advancement in that future's setting. That's clownery, just like her alleged commitment to adjusting her perspective to suit a universe's world.

I want to close out this section with a question: Why is it that writers in the Halo space - both fan and official - cling so tightly to current-day modern concepts as if they'd still be perfectly relevant in 500+ years? Music, for example, apparently suffered a multi-century stagnation in lots of published and fanmade Halo media. Though my partner made a strong counterpoint about this to be fair: we still listen to music composed by Mozart. So there's an argument to be made there. Medicine though. There is way less latitude to embrace the classics there. It's been shown across several games, novels, and films to be sufficiently advanced well beyond anything we're currently capable of or even understand, so why undermine that and choose to drag it centuries backward? For clarity, I am not talking about what might be standard in the public or private sectors, nor the enduring things that'd be used by the public and military alike, like sterile dressings, syringes, supplemental oxygen equipment. Those are the Basics and they will be relevant to us indefinitely. But I'm talking about the UNSC. I'm talking about ONI R&D. I'm talking about Section Three. Retrograding tech and failing to address a necessity that applies to every living person in the Super Soldier Wizardry department makes my mouth flatten into a tight little line.

Section Two - Caths, and why this whole thing got written:

Indwelling urinary catheters, both urethral and suprapubic. There's a laundry list of problems here, but I've distilled it down to the three biggest when suggesting they'd have any safe practical application in Spartans: Care. Activity. Damage. There is unreasonable expectations of care and maintenance for caths with regards to people who can be on operations isolated for months at a time with no support of any kind and are often limited to carrying only what can be kept on their person. The level of extreme physical activity Spartans engage in on any perfectly normal day whether deployed or not is unfit for the stability and safety of a cath. And damage; obvious enough, but with this one I'll be taking a huge emphasis on concussive forces - explosions. Something Spartans are subjected to a lot. I'll be using the height of modern-day catheter quality as a baseline for this, since that's what Traviss felt was sufficient. Regarding Urethral vs Suprapubic, Traviss doesn't specify by name, but Naomi's comment in full reads to me that she's only catheterized temporarily while armoured, hence the assembly needing to be so finely calibrated. Foley caths are temporary urethral caths that would only supplement the urinary process while a person was armoured. Suprapubic caths however are surgically placed devices. They do need routine tube replacement to keep them clean, but unlike the Foley that just serves as an aide measure for an otherwise fully functioning bladder, suprapubic caths are usually placed in people with congenital bladder disfunction, or who've suffered injury or disease that left the bladder in poor health or failure. This type of access will always require a tube in place and this would be the exclusive method of urination - in or out of armour. My Big Three Concerns fit both types similarly, though there is some additional risks associated with urethral caths that I'll cover.

Care: Caring for an invasive cath is a not insignificant effort. They're prone to blockage, kinking, and bacterial growth. They're so frequently responsible for UTIs and kidney stones that these complications are just considered the Standard Fair for having a cath. Their need to be frequently replaced because of their penchant for bacterial growth is the kicker here - whole floral colonies sprout up in caths and can eek their way out into the body through compromised tissue and wreck havoc. They have no self-cleaning mechanism, and steadily deteriorate. Changing and replacing an indwelling cath is a procedure that requires additional supplies that'd have to be carried, and needs to be done in a practiced and clean setting; preferably medical. Granted, there are people who manage the removal and insertion of their own caths at home, but they still need to ensure a clean and safe environment while they do this. A Spartan could never be guaranteed that, nor would it even be wise to consider the vulnerability of removing so much armour to handle it. Modern day caths are recommended to be replaced every 30 days or so, with some models able to be in place for a few months at a time, but that's with constant daily care and cleaning; something that'd be unreasonable for a Spartan to maintain while entrenched who knows where for who knows how long, and without access to replacement medical supplies. Those endurance times between replacements are geared for the average public person who leads an average public life and care for their cath as directed and don't get into fist fights with Sangheili. Needless to say, the endurance time for the same device in a Spartan who leads a wildly different lifestyle probably cuts those times down to a third.

Activity: Modern day caths are designed to offer people the most utility and versatility possible. Both models are available for people who are bed-bound or have extremely limited mobility, as well as for those who are mobile, independent, and live out average lives. With regards to the latter, suprapubics are somewhat more common, if for no other reason than to reduce the Foley's higher risks of induction injury, but modern urethral caths also allow for regular movement and activity with a more reduced chance of becoming dislodged or damaged than they would have had a couple decades ago. But when I say regular activity, I mean going on a walk. Shopping for groceries. Doing basic house chores. Even light exercise and sexual activity can be managed with physician advisement and the appropriate precautions taken. Anytime a Spartan was fielded they'd have to be all the more overly-cautious about Movements Outside of Their Control during confrontations, maneuvers, ambush, environmental or vehicular incidents. Even when things go well there'd be too much risk involved. That said, traumatic decatheterizations happen more frequently than anyone would like, and I'm talking about regular old Joe Everybody. I respond to no less than a dozen of these incidents a year. Both types of catheter are held in place by a bulb balloon that's inflated from a port with around 10-30ccs of saline after the tube enters the bladder (30ccs would be more appropriate for better security of the line). Before removing a cath, the saline is removed to deflate the balloon and the tube is guided out - with a Foley cath, that means being guided out of the urethra. When a Foley cath is traumatically removed, the saline filled balloon - which is like five times wider in diameter than the average 6mm urethra - does a pretty devastating amount of damage on it's way out, penis or vagina; though a penile urethra has significantly more length to damage, and the penile meatus very typically is torn. These incidents run high risk of bladder hematoma as well, which requires urgent surgical intervention. The very worst traumatic decatheterizations I've responded to were all penile and had trauma to external tissue. Ever microwaved a hotdog a little too long?

Damage: How often are Spartans subjected to explosive and other concussive forces? Silly question - answer: a lot and often and unavoidable. And we know they still feel the powerful feedback. Despite shields and dampeners and a self-moderating gel layer, strong inertial forces are still felt through the suits. Across multiple novels we're given details about near misses and blasts, accelerated or uncontrolled falls, rattling their teeth, hampering their vision, hearing, or balance; they've been rendered unconscious and suffered internal injuries. The fact that most of these events don't flat out kill them is a credit to their armour and augmentations. For reference - when a person experiences explosive or concussive force from a distance enough to avoid separation of limbs, bisection, etc, the totality of their injuries can't and won't be seen externally. How they present on the outside is just the tippy tip of the iceburg - it's what's happened to them internally that you need to be concerned about. Cracked or fractured bones, torn musculature, arterial shearing, hollow organ rupture, cardiac and brain tissue bleed, to name some common ones, and this kind of trauma extends to all implanted devices as well. For example, rods and nails and other structural aids or replacements are much more resilient than your organic tissues, and can dislodge when tissues tear or rupture, damaging anything in their way like shrapnel. The fragile little balloon of a catheter will shatter when subjected to even relatively minor explosive force, so to even consider for a moment that this would be a viable piece of equipment for people intended to routinely be involved in explosive environments is beyond willful negligence. That there wouldn't be a better solution to the question of waste management - a necessity for literally all human people who make up the entirety of the Spartan branch, with the infinite funding of ONI R&D seems so stupid to me that I… well, that I wrote this. Because, friends - participating in active warfare is not cath-safe. The kinds of physical demands and forces on Spartan bodies are not cath-safe. The risks will never outweigh the benefits to this. Even while sealed in powered armour and a skinsuit tech layer, the very thought of Section Three engineers or Halsey or anyone involved in the development of MJOLNIR dismissing the glaring obvious failure of Spartans having any kind of externalized invasive devices is so unreasonably negligent that it could only be the brainchild of an author who's convinced that these characters are all actually just psuedo-intelligent government boogiemen who aren't as capable as they claim to be. But No. They are that capable, and they are that intelligent and the fact that they have a bottomless budget and deeply flexible ethics is literally what makes them so dangerous.

So if we have to address this, how do we do it? Apparently there was always an official answer for this. Former Franchise Development Director, creator of the Master Chief**, and extremely racist asshole Frank O'Connor weighed in on this in the same interview, where he almost immediate rejected and denied Traviss's catheterization claim and says that 'this sort of stuff' was the kind of thing he and the other creative heads at Bungie/343i talked and planned about all the time. So how does this work then, because we're invested now. According to 'ol Frankie's elegant input: they just pee freely into the suit. That's it. For clarity, he's talking about the skinsuit and not the MJOLNIR interior proper. He goes on to say that connectivity between body and MJOLNIR at all levels is fully noninvasive, but precise, and that it doesn't matter what kind of body output a Spartan introduces into the suit interior, because a hygienic valve system (??) will scrub it continually and collect all matter for recycling and reintroduction via capillary action powered by movement. It's not clear in what layers or intermediaries these mechanisms occupy, he doesn't break it down more than that. But that's the answer, and it did exist back when Traviss was penning Kilo-5.

Is this answer better than haphazardly plugging extension cords from actual organ systems into MJOLNIR interior? Yes. Like, leagues better by comparison, but also I still think it sucks. To me anyway. It's flat out gross as hell, which definitely fits the personal brand of a man who proudly overfed his cat and called himself "Stinkles", but also it just doesn't strike me as the kind of design strategy ONI would pursue for any of their assets. Beside it just being 100% torn from Dune's stillsuits, it's also missing that special brand of proprietary Section Three je ne sais quoi. There's layers upon layers of too-specialized equipment installed into these people for everything else, why skip this? A body function that should have been Point 3 on a 50 point list of 'stuff to manage'. Also though? It's a lot of freedom. This is just another easy opportunity to add yet another layer of dependence. Spartans are expensive equipment. It doesn't do to give them any fewer reasons to think they can ever walk away.

So anyway, I figured I'd take a crack at it. I came up with this while editing the last two paragraphs: [Waste management] - a fully internalized collection and processing device - lets say a cybernetic implantation - that entirely replaces the bladder. It has bio-organic lumens that interconnect it to the GI and Hepatic organs. The implant assists in accelerating the processing of gathering and refining waste materials with the help of nanobots that identify and redirect waste along the lumens of each system, plus they keep the implant clean and free of bad flora. All twice-processed waste gets refined a lot quicker and any water by-product of the process is refined and redistributed back to the organs along the lumens. None of the refined water is removed from the body for drinking, because that's an unnecessary step; it's already inside. (Drinking water would be the responsibility of a suit system more likely - like, sweat leeching in the skinsuit; refine, filtrate, purify, collect into a reservoir, and jettison the excess sodium. ) There is no 'extraction of other viable nutrient' from the remainder, it's been twice identified as waste. It gets catabolized and consumed by the nanobots as a fuel source, and no externalized waste is created at all while the Spartan is geared up. The implant doesn't always run like this - it only engages this way when the Spartan is wearing MJOLNIR, and when they're not, it just works like an out-of-the-box bladder. The intermittence of usage lets the organic organs truck along as usual, preventing risk of atrophy, and the Spartan can just use a bathroom like everyone else. I'm not a bioengineer, but I do like sci fi and I think all that sounds like something that'd be possible in this sandbox. And that's the real fun of it, isn't it? There's no way anyone today can anticipate what sort of gadgetry might be available 500+ years from now, especially in a fictional universe that includes military tech hybridized with reverse engineered alien tech.

I think it's fascinating when writers and artists shake loose and really grab the reins, and I love seeing the fruit of that labour in this particular tumblr community so often. We're not a huge Halo circle, but we're a passionate one, and if this essay leaves you with nothing else, I hope it will at least remind you to Go For It when you're writing your next fic or drawing your next piece, or composing, or sewing, or printing, or anything!

In Conclusion: Rest easy, friends.

Despite Traviss's word and even books that went to print, the official canon is that Spartans are not catheterized. If that's a bummer for anyone, canon can't stop you from writing whatever you want, but I do hope maybe you'll remember my reasoning for why it might not be the best idea? At least not for armoured Spartans. A Spartan, but they're laid up in hospital? Any non-Spartan personnel? Maybe you're writing in the public sector, a colony world or vessel? Sure - I'll bet caths are still plenty widely used. Why not? They're a blissfully simple and useful effective piece of equipment. It's just all about adjusting and adapting for practicality. Medical science, like any technology, adapts and evolves infinitely as we learn and discover new things. Treatments or drug algorithms I'd of used just last year have already undergone changes, and protocols are amended constantly. It's why a person 'practices' medicine; why a scientist is always a student. If questions like this or similar really need answering in your next work, remember: Give yourself the credit you deserve, and embrace the spirit of invention. Let my Cyber Bladder, by Sparklets be the candle in the window for you!

You may all retrieve your keys from the bowl and unsilence your phones. Stay safe and please text me when you get home. Thank you. ' u ' **Addendum: Former Bungie Creative Art Director Marcus Lehto is in fact the person who is most associated with the creation of the Master Chief.**

[archangeldyke-all]

Hi Angel!

I've been reading your kidfics and if it's okay I'd like to contribute to your little fucker cinematic universe because I have a real story that happened to me when I was tutoring and I think you might like it. 🌸

Little fucker is a clever kid. Sometimes too clever. And the problem is - she can't sit for the life of her. She will stand on her chair, rock it back and forth, run for water and for snacks and for whatever thing she wants to show you, but she will not just sit and do her homework.

Which is fair, she is only 7, but you're not so patient. So you decide it's going to be Sevika's problem now. Part of you hopes that little fucker will be more intimidated of her grumpy mom, but this hope is more of a delusion - you know Sevika is a softie and your daughter knows it as well.

Sevika thinks she got it, she is an adult, what can be hard about 7 year old's homework? Counting apples? Sevika is cocky about the whole ordeal, but you don't say anything, letting her find out by herself.

Sevika gets absolutely humbled when she sees little fucker's homework and gets confused at a math question 10 minutes in. Then she sighs in relief when she remembers she is only supposed to monitor little fucker and only help her if she is confused. Yeah, she can't sit through five minutes of work, but Sevika finds a way in a "waste my time I'll waste your time" deal. Little fucker's time management improves immediately.

One day they're doing homework and little fucker has to write a story, but before that, she needs to write details about her character (teddy bear on her shirt).

"How do you call really smart people?" Little fucker asks with a philosophical frown.

"Geniuses?" Sevika tries, also frowning in an effort to find the right word.

Little fucker looks at her disappointedly and Sevika sweats like she is a first grader in front of a teacher.

"Prodigy? Also a great word." Sevika offers, but the disappointment on your baby's face grows.

"I have no fucking idea, kid." Sevika admits.

Little fucker just flops her arms encouraging Sevika to try.

"Do you mean scientists?"

Another look of extreme disappointment. Sevika starts to feel bad.

Little fucker sighs and taps her pencil on her book, frustrated. Then she looks at Sevika again, still shocked at her lack of intelligence.

"Nerds." She says in mock surprise. "They are called nerds, mom."

Sevika is speechless. Then she snorts and nods, admitting her defeat.

"Okay. You're right." Sevika is kinda proud of her baby's sass and she doesn't even try to hide it.

"I'll use genius though." Little fucker says like an expert and slowly writes down the word.

"Yeah. Don't think your teacher will like it very much if you say your Teddy is a nerd."

Later Sevika asks you the same question.

"How do you call really smart people?"

"Competent?" You try offhandedly as you wash the dishes.

"Well, according to our daughter, they're called nerds."

"This girl, I swear to God." You snort. "It's all your influence."

"Dunno, I married a nerd after all, not you."

this is FUCKING ADORABLE IM SOBBING

[visgrapplinghooks]

friendlinghood: a proposal

skip to "terminology" if you don't want the long explanation

QPRs are really difficult to talk about because of the way the modern queer community has kinda framed it as like "dating but without romantic attraction"

when that's not entirely true

I mean, you COULD say that's a kind of QPR but it'd be a mistake to frame all of it that way. this is in large part to internet misinformation and shit as well as amatonormativity from which a lot of relationship discourse is framed against

queerplatonicism, from my pov refers to what is essentially the natural byproduct of queer and neurodivergent people having close friends

the queer community has been aware for a while that its members would have close friendships that in some way violated traditional social norms for behavior outside romantic relationships or family, etc.

when you sit outside the neurotypical and patriarchal norm, the conventional social understanding of what relationships are kinda breaks down for you

you display levels of closeness and intimacy and affection that are "inappropriate" for neurotypical and patriarchal society. in most cases they're not formal relationships, but natural evolutions of friendships between queer and neurodivergent folks

cishet people actually do have variants on this like the concept of "blood brothers" where two men who love each other basically make a pact to always have each other's backs and be their support and they do the whole movie thing where they mix blood to bind them together (it's a very cinematic thing, but the point is it exists in the popular consciousness)

"romance" and "friendship" each refer to a set of social norms and expectations. there's like a whole narrative constructed around those concepts and people internalize and have their own versions of them

a lot of people probably have friends they want to fuck or kiss or cuddle or declare their undying affection for but it'd just be "weird" within the social boundaries of acceptability and so people pigeonhole their relationships into either friend or romantic partner.

queerplatonicism (from my pov) is essentially accepting or practicing relationships which are neither platonic or romantic or even strictly familial. many queer people have them with other queer people they're close to. if you know queer folks then you probably know what I'm talking about - the friends they have that they're not dating but seem intensely attached and close to. they usually have weird names for each other that go beyond friendship like they'll jokingly call each other wives and husbands and siblings and partners... but it doesn't feel quite entirely joking. they'll express a lot of physical affection in the casual way you might typically ascribe to romantic partners. they'll prioritize time with those people as much as any romantic partner they may have etc.

straight and cis people and neurotypical people obviously experience them to some extent, it's just that patriarchy was built around cishet neurotypicals in particular, so it tends to cling to their mindsets more strongly, and once you're already outside of the "bounds of normalcy" by being queer, ND, etc. then it's a lot easier to feel like it's okay for you to be in relationships that aren't "normal".

because like the idea of loving someone with your entire fucking being... it's so tied up in these cultural ideas on how to behave about those feelings and it never made sense to me, because if you just let yourself feel those emotions you start to realize there are people in your life that maybe you love so much more than friends. but "more than friends" is so washed up in romance that you force those feelings down and think "this is fine, I'm happy with being just friends, what else can we be?"

maybe I don't want to have sex or hold hands on a ferris wheel or get. married or kiss or any of that. maybe I just want to exist in the same room as that person know that that person is in my life and know that person cares about me just as much as I do them.

terminology

I've started to use the term "friendling" in my day to day life, now. the term is a portmanteau of "friend" and "sibling" and "loveling" (the english cognate of the German word "lieblings" which can mean "favorite", but is also a term of endearment).

to me, it's probably the most accurate way to describe the Everything All At Once feelings that are simultaneously your weird friends that are your found family and also "romantic" but twisted beyond recognition where the term stops meaning anything.

I'm just throwing this word and explanation out there for anyone who feels like me and wants to use it too. not exclusive to queer people or neurodivergence or anything, I just think it's often easier to be cognisant of those feelings when you are queer and neurodivergent.

that being said, I do NOT want this to be folded into another "attraction label". this is, as far as I can tell, not a unique form of attraction but quite literally the opposite. it's an abstraction of the core impulses of attraction that ALL humans experience without the labels or social structures built around it. I do not want the language that I've spent so long trying to find for my experiences losing all of its value and being reapporpriated into the amatonormative, allonormative, and cisheteropatriarchal framework.

"friendlinghood" - is what I see as an attribute of relationships and the extent to which they deviate from socially conventional definitions of a relationship.

"friendlingship" - used grammatically like friendship. referring to any complex relationship acategorically.

"friendling" - used grammatically similar to friend. referring to those involved in any complex relationship acategorically.

all of this shit is nebulous and doesn't really mean anything beyond what meaning you choose to give it. I think any relationship can have some amount of friendlinghood and I don't think there's a clear line between friendlingship and friendship or romance or family, because it's not a type of relationship in the first place. it's just silly words I made that helped me.

language and labels

so the biggest problem with terminology like this is you can end up creating labels. my point was to create personal terms for myself and my relationships because that's what helped me personally process my own feelings.

that's not to say everyone needs or benefits from them. you can just vibe and do whatever you want and many people are happy with that.

I don't think words like this being codified and standardized really helps anyone. it's unavoidable that we as humans like articulating feelings, but the entire point of my interactions with friendlinghood is about certain things defying labels and language. language in this sense is just a tool, it's a hammer for a nail. it's not embodying the concept itself, it's just useful shorthand.

I will still freely refer to friendlings as close friends, best friends, found family, and other words. as long as I know the intention behind it is all that matters. I just needed that initial bit of language to articulate the feelings before the other words felt right to me.

[duckapus]

Zelda Games Be Like

A clipshow episode putting Mario and the rest of the Crew into memes of various Zelda games.

The Legend of Zelda Mario is Understandably Disturbed by Weird Old Men in Caves Who Ask if He's Alone. He chooses to save Hyrule from them instead of the pig wizard.

Wind Waker Do what ye want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!

Skyward Sword Janky Motion Controls+Exposition Robot+Bird Up=Hell For Mario. At least we still have Groose.

A Link Between Worlds Bob is in Ravio's role for obvious reasons, while Mario gets mistaken for Graffiti and washed off a wall.

Adventure of Link Before it can starts Mario runs onto the title screen, kicks that shit outa here, and instead brings out...

Faces of Evil M O R S H U

Ocarina of Time Something goes wrong, causing Adult Mario and Young Mario to meet. Cue Black Hole.

Four Swords Red Mario, Luigi, Blue Mario and Purple Mario are on a quest to save Hyrule! We Do Not Speak of Green Mario.

Majora's Mask Mario sees the timer and immediately goes into Speedrun Mode, arguably doing more damage to Termina than if the moon had just fallen. Also Bob, Marcy and Melony are there for obvious reasons.

Spirit Tracks Elanore: I Like Trains. :) Also Floyd is there because ghosts.

Breath of the Wild Mario and Meggy go on a fun adventure through Hyrule, seeing the sights, hanging out with Sidon, messing with Bokoblins, finding Koroks, kicking the shit out of Kohga, running from Guardians...but there's this nagging feeling that they're supposed to be doing something. Cue Zelda waiting for them at the castle, bored out of her skull.

Twilight Princess Midna: *exists* Meggy, currently a wolf: This better not awaken something in me.

Tears of the Kingdom Mario eats a Secret Stone, knowing it will grant him power beyond imagining, and goes through a cinematic transformation sequence to become...Beeg Yoshi with a hat and mustache. Beeg Marioshi: I Love It!

[thislittlekumquat]

A non-exhaustive list of little things about William T. Spears (and by extension Grelliam) that I hold to be true and keep close to my heart:

He doesn't actually like paperwork or managerial duties any more than the next person, but he is competent and doesn't like to see things go undone just because no one else will do them.

He complains about overtime but the reality is that his idea of a normal amount of work is already a normal person's overtime. His idea of overtime is like. 60 hours in a week rather than 50.

He likes most animals, but has a particular fondness for birds, since they're easy to interact with using his death scythe as their perch. He hates having to wash his hands or change his gloves too frequently if he touches an animal and then has to go to the office.

He likes to harrass Grell and Ron when they're being difficult in the office by inviting them to eat lunch outside and then encouraging aforementioned bird friends to hover. Grell and Ron both expect the worst about bird poop ending up in their hair.

Will, like Grell, has a public persona that is more severe than his core personality. However, he does not let it drop around many people.

Will and Grell are codependent in such a way that their public personas are heavily intertwined, and nobody really knows what they get up to when they're alone.

Will felt like he woke up for the first time in his life when he realized he was in love with Grell. Expressing himself is something he struggled with as a human and a reaper, and now he finds expression in watching Grell and experiencing her outbursts with her. Again, codependent to the extreme.

He's demisexual and is constantly baffled by the casual flirtations he witnesses in others.

Will is down to try basically anything in bed at least once, because it's with Grell.

He enjoys making time at the lunch hour to sit down properly in the employee cafeteria with his colleagues.

When other reapers defect or leave, he finds that he's a bit jealous, and a lot angry.

After his first real-world reaping experience with Thomas, he never can quite shake the feeling it could happen again to him at any time, with any human. He's happy to be promoted out of the line of action as soon as possible. He still wakes up from time to time in a cold sweat from nightmares about Thomas' cinematic record.

[svtskneecaps]

feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.

another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.

(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)

when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.

then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.

that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players

(i elaborate under)

red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)

the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again

i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:

so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.

therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen

blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.

if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.

i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)

blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.

all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.

plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun

but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.

k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!

(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)

[biggerbetterbat]

WITH YOU [44] TODAY I BURY YOU

Daryl Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

Summary: When Charlie and her new group start their new life; however, something even more tragic takes place. A person that Charlie thought she could trust, makes her do something horrible.

Warnings: death, murder, language, angst, this chapter is basically A MESS

Song: To Built a Home The Cinematic Orchestra

Words: 3,200

A/N: I’m exhausted by the heartbreak in this season and I’m so thrilled to announce that there’s ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT!

Enjoy!!!

"Girls like it here," Carol said. "We could build it up, plant more food. We could find a car for an escape route just in case."

Charlie furrowed her eyebrows, because she didn't remember the moment she agreed on the plan of staying.

"It doesn't mean we can't go someday," Tyreese interrupted her thoughts, seeing her confusion. "It's just when we were getting closer and closer, I realised, I'm just not ready to be around other people yet."

Charlie felt a pang of guilt wash over her as she heard Tyrese's words, because for the whole time she was thinking about herself. He knew she was struggling with Judith, and he never tried to make her take over the baby. Charlie wished she could erase Tyrese's fears, make them vanish into thin air, and it was a simple way to do that. They should stay and create a more comfortable environment for him. For all of them.

"You don't have to," Charlie said. Carol smiled at her, glad that they had the approbation from the younger girl. Then she turned around and walked ahead looking for the deer they were supposed to track, leaving the other two alone.

As Charlie looked around at Tyrese and Carol, she thought about the girls, and she realized that their safety and well-being were her top priorities. Despite the allure of Terminus and the promise of sanctuary it held, the possibility of other survivors waiting there, Charlie couldn't shake the feeling of unease gnawing at her. She knew that venturing into the unknown posed risks, especially with the group's current vulnerabilities. Staying together in the familiar confines of the house offered a sense of security and stability that she couldn't ignore. Moreover, the bond they shared as a makeshift family was growing in strength, something she couldn't forsake lightly. With determination in his heart, Charlie made his decision: staying with Tyrese, Carol, and the girls was the best course of action, a choice rooted in loyalty and love.

Maybe starting the life all over again wouldn't be that bad...

As they trudged through the dense undergrowth, the weight of disappointment hung heavy in the air. Each step seemed to echo with the sound of their dashed hopes, the rustling leaves whispering a somber melody. Charlie could feel the exhaustion creeping into her bones, a physical manifestation of the emotional letdown they all shared. The fading light cast long shadows across the forest floor, amplifying the sense of desolation that enveloped them.

Silence draped over the group like a shroud, broken only by the occasional rustle of leaves or the distant call of a bird. The journey home felt longer than usual, each twist and turn of the path stretching out before them like an eternity. Charlie's mind wandered as she walked, replaying the events of the day in his head, searching for any sign of what they could have done differently.

"We'll get one yet," Tyreese was trying to cheer her up. "Probably not even deer season."

"Yeah," Charlie smiled and nodded. "They're just giving me time to practice my shooting."

"Exactly," Tyreese patted her back with a smile and left it there as a supportive gesture.

A warm smile spread across her face. It was a friendship born out of shared experiences and mutual understanding, a bond that had grown stronger with each passing day. His unwavering support had helped her weather even the toughest of storms, reminding her that she was never alone in this harsh world. They had also shared moments of joy and laughter, finding solace in each other's company amidst the chaos of their lives. Whether it was sharing stories around the campfire or simply enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence - and it was silence mostly on Charlie's end, Tyreese was talking even when he was sleeping. As she thought about Tyrese, Charlie couldn't help but feel grateful for the bond they had formed.

"My husband used to hunt," Carol said. "He'd tell the same stupid joke every year."

"You gonna tell it?"

"Well, I guess I have to now, right?" she sighed with a smile. "What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are around 1.79, and deer nuts are just under a buck."

Tyreese chuckled what brought a smile on Charlie's face. "That's good stupid, but in no way is it stupid good."

"Yeah, I told you." Carol chuckled. "There's more where that came from."

As they finally emerged from the woods, the familiar sight of their home greeted them, a beacon of warmth and safety in the gathering darkness. Their home...It was amazing that in such short time a person could get used to a place and call it his. Despite their disappointment, there was a sense of relief in returning to familiar surroundings, a sense of solace in knowing they were not alone. She was passing a high grass with snow white flowers, and Charlie thought that Mika should see them, so they would make flower crown for Griselda.

Suddenly, Carol and Tyreese stopped abruptly. Charlie looked up from the ground and white wild flowers, and stopped walking right next to them.

Charlie's heart plummeted into the depths of despair as she stumbled upon the harrowing scene before her. Shock and horror rippled through her, freezing her in place as she struggled to comprehend the unthinkable sight. The sight of Lizzie with bloody hands and Mika's lifeless body sent waves through her body. A sickening knot formed in the pit of her stomach, twisting with each passing second as the reality of the situation sank in. She felt a surge of raw emotion welling up inside her – anger, sorrow, disbelief – a tumultuous whirlwind of feelings threatening to overwhelm her fragile composure.

Lizzie. The weight of this revelation pressed down on her like a crushing burden, leaving her feeling numb and hollow inside. Charlie struggled to comprehend how someone so young and seemingly innocent could be capable of such a senseless act of violence.

Feelings of shock and betrayal flooded Charlie's senses, as she grappled with the devastating truth. She felt guilty that they left it be - the darkness that lurked beneath Lizzie's innocent facade.

She dropped to her knees couple feet away from Mika's body.

Charlie's thoughts turned to Mika, sweet and innocent creature, whose life had been tragically cut short. Tears blurred her vision as she knelt beside Mika's lifeless form, aching with the unbearable weight of loss. She was unable to shake the overwhelming sense of grief that washed over her. But amidst the devastation, there was also a sense of betrayal, of disbelief that Lizzie could commit such act. And as she looked into Lizzie's vacant eyes, Charlie felt a shiver run down her spine, realizing that the world they lived in was more brutal and unforgiving than she had ever imagined.

"Don't worry. She'll come back. I did't hurt her brain," Lizzie said to her with a smile. Charlie looked up at her with anger, ready to just let it out on the girl. Carol took a step forward, what angered Lizzie who held up her gun. The woman stopped in her tracks, as no one had doubts whether the girl could fire. "No, no, no! We have to wait. I need to show you. You'll see. You'll finally get it. We have to wait."

"Lizzie, put the gun down," said Tyreese with the calmest voice.

"I just want us to wait!"

"We can wait," Carol answered and crossed eyes with Charlie who was just sitting there in fear. "Just give me the gun. We can wait, I swear. You and Tyreese should take Judith back."

"Carol...It's not safe for her," Charlie protested, sure not to trust the girl with a baby. As a confirmation of her worries, Lizzie spoke up.

"But Judith can change, too. I was just about to..."

"She can't even walk yet," Carol said, her voice broke a little. "So take Judith back to the house and we'll have lunch. And Charlie will help me to tie Mica up. Just so she won't go anywhere."

"We'll use her shoelaces," Charlie said, still looking at the dead girl.

Once Tyreese left with the baby and the mad girl, Carol broke down in tears. Charlie sat at a distance, watching Carol crumble over Mika's lifeless body. Her heart sank as she witnessed the pain on her face, mirroring the pain she once saw back on the farm. Charlie couldn't help but empathize with her, feeling the weight of her grief as they were all sharing it. Knowing that Carol had already lost a daughter made the scene even more heartbreaking for her, as she imagined the depth of her sorrow and the haunting memories it must have stirred.

"We can't leave her like this," Carol sobbed. "She was too good."

"Then what now?"

Out of nowhere, right in front of her, materialized long lost knife. One of many that she took from her apartment when she decided to leave it. Except, this one was special one and long lost present from her family, the exact same knife that was the final reason of Lori's death. Charlie knew what the woman meant by that move.

Charlie's fists clenched at her sides as a surge of fury and betrayal washed over her. Anger burned hot within her as she struggled to make sense of Carol's actions. How could she do this? How could she ask her that, knowing that she was still reliving that one day in the boiler room. The sense of betrayal cut deep, leaving Charlie grappling with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. So all her compassion for Carol disappeared a little as she forced into doing the dirty job.

"Please, Charlie," she whispered. "I can't kill another person...I can't...She's a child."

She wanted to scream at Carol. She really was frustrated, because she wasn't ready to kill another person, especially this little thing. However, someone had to do the dirty job.

Charlie's hands trembled as she knelt beside Mika's lifeless body, his mind racing with the horrific realization of what had transpired. In a desperate act to prevent further tragedy, she had been forced to take Mika's life, already lost at the hands of Lizzie's madness. The weight of the decision that wasn't even made by her, pressed heavily upon her, the guilt and anguish threatening to consume her. Tears welled in her eyes as she whispered a solemn apology to the young girl, her heart heavy with the burden of actions that took place and were about to be taken. In that moment, Charlie knew that she would carry the guilt of what she had done for the rest of her days.

The room was quiet. No one dared to speak or even breathe louder. Charlie's eyes were red and puffy from crying, no tears were coming from them. Her thoughts swirling in her brain with doubt and fear.  The thought of taking another life, even to prevent further pain, filled her with a profound sense of dread. Mika's lifeless body haunted him, a stark reminder of the harsh realities of their world. How could she justify such a decision? How could she play God in a world already ravaged by chaos and death?

"I could leave with her," Carol shook her head. "We can't sleep with her and Judith under the same roof."

"You wouldn't make it. Not on your own," Tyreese shook his head voicing his worries.

"She can't be around other people."

"Maybe we should try to help her," he said. "Or we will go. And you will stay."

"There's only one way," Charlie said finally. "She can't be around other people. Any people."

"So what we should do?" Carol asked and looked scared into her eyes, knowing very well what she meant.

"You know what," Charlie said. "We eliminate danger, and she is a danger."

As Charlie trudged back home, every step felt heavier than the last. The weight of what she had done hung like a leaden shroud around her shoulders, dragging her down into guilt and sorrow. Each passing moment seemed to stretch on endlessly, filled with the echoes of Lizzie's final moments and the haunting memory of the gunshot that had torn through the silence.

The weight of the gun felt heavier than ever as she was carrying it back home, her hand trembling with the feeling of what she just done. With tears dried down on her face the deafening gunshot echoing in the silence was still echoing in her head. She was drained, both physically and emotionally, the weight of her actions that day were bearing down on her like a crushing burden. In that moment, she realized the true cost of survival in this unforgiving world - the loss of innocence, the sacrifice of humanity, and the indelible scars left on the heart.

She longed for the comfort of oblivion, to escape the relentless onslaught of guilt and remorse that threatened to consume her. She also needed Daryl and Glenn.

As she entered the house, she found Carol and Tyreese waiting for her. Carol was crying and gasped as she saw her, clearly in pain. Tyreese just looked at her, not saying a word to her as he knew it was not needed just yet. After what happened today, the house immediately lost all its heavenly qualities and became just some walls and a roof again. Charlie realized that it was a grave from the very first moment they placed their feet here.

"Your turn," she said, throwing the gun on the counter. "I've done my part."

"Charlie..." Carol whispered, touching her arm.

"Help her, Tyreese. I'll look over Judith."

"You sure?" he asked. "You never wanted to be with her."

"It's fine," Charlie clenched her teeth and walked into the room that the baby was in. It was inside of the crib, cooing quietly. She just looked at it and as soon as the little girl started spreading her arms and whining to be picked up, she left the room. Charlie rested her back in the wall and slid down.

She was sitting outside of the room with hands over her ears, eyes squeezed tight, trying to ignore the cries. As Judith's cries pierced the air, echoing through the walls of the house, Charlie couldn't help but be transported back to another time, another place. The sound of Lori's agonized screams during childbirth reverberated in her mind, haunting her with the raw intensity of that moment. The memories flooded back with a force, threatening to overwhelm her with the weight of grief and loss. She remembered the desperation in Lori's eyes, the pain etched into every line of her face as she fought for her life and the life of her child.

In Judith's cries, Charlie heard echoes of his own helplessness, his own inability to save those he loved from the cruel hand of fate.

Finally, she gave up, storming the room again. Charlie's voice cracked as she shouted at Judith, the frustration and despair bubbling over in a torrent of raw emotion. Her own tears mingled with hers as she struggled to contain the turmoil raging within her. "Stop crying!" she yelled, her voice echoing off the walls of the house. "I can't take it anymore!". Tears streamed down Charlie's cheeks as she tentatively reached out to cradle Judith in her arms.

A wave of emotion crashed over her, overwhelming in its intensity, as she was pulling the baby closer to her body. The weight of the toddler against her chest, something inside him shifted. In that moment, holding her close, she felt a glimmer of peace, a sense of healing that she hadn't dared to hope for. She rocked Judith gently back and forth, both of them crying and sobbing. She didn't know why the baby was crying, but Charlie was letting go of all the pain that she felt that day. Her heart was breaking in her chest with every breath she took and needed something else to focus on.

The woman started humming the lullaby and slowly the baby in her arms started to calm down. It was a pathetic picture, her holding Judith, both red and puffy from crying, sitting on the floor in the middle of the room. However, feeling the baby, Charlie found a flicker of hope, a reason to keep fighting, to keep moving forward despite the pain. And as she pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, she vowed to never let her go again, to cherish every moment they had together in this unforgiving world. Just like she promised Lori before she died.

As Charlie sat amidst the tranquil surroundings, a stark contrast to the turmoil raging within her, she found solace in the gentle rustle of leaves and the soft whisper of the wind that was blowing her hair gently. The air was cool, carrying with it the scent of pine and earth, easing the tension in her muscles. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the trees and were painting patterns on her face. Birds were singing somewhere in the distance, creating even more picturesque scenery. Charlie closed her eyes as for a brief moment, the world seemed to stand still.

It was the moment she decided to leave the old life behind as it would never comeback. She was a new person in a new world, and it was the right moment to bury everything in the ground today. Charlie took out the photo out of her pocket in the jacket. She was carrying it with her since she left the apartment in Atlanta but never had the courage to look at it - until now.

Charlie's family stood frozen in time, their smiles capturing a moment of pure joy - which was a rare thing. In the center, her parents, their arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. Her mother's gentle eyes radiating warmth, while her father was standing straight, showing how proud he was.

Flanking them were her brothers: Finn, the eldest, with a mischievous glint in his eye and a ready grin on his lips; Luke, wearing similar smile as his older brother, yet, looking more serious due to the uniform; Will, the middle child, his expression rather more serious, his piercing blue eyes filled with determination;  and Peete - the youngest, his face alight with youthful curiosity with warm look in his eyes.

As Charlie traced the lines of their faces with trembling fingers, a bittersweet ache welled up within her, a longing for the simplicity and innocence of days gone by.

Charlie sobbed, hugging the photo to her heart. It was a goodbye. She was alive, and she didn't want to just breathe and go on with her life. She wanted to live and be alive. And that was her sign to start a new life, away from her past mistakes. She placed the photo on the ground in a slightly dug hole, together with a knife, and then she covered it with dirt. She made a little grave for her past, wishing she could start over.

Because the past was over.

previous masterlist next

[zoobus]

Alec Baldwin, huh.

(in reference to my tags on this post)

I don't agree with the sentiment, I'm just SAYING if you write media analysis like this, you're a moron:

For those of you who can't watch videos, it's the famous speech Alec Baldwin gives in the cinematic masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross. Baldwin's character -- whom you assume is the villain -- addresses a room full of dudes and tears them a new asshole As smarter people have pointed out, the genius of that speech is that half of the people who watch it think that the point of the scene is "Wow, what must it be like to have such an asshole boss?" and the other half think, "Fuck yes, let's go out and sell some goddamned real estate!"

Or, as the Last Psychiatrist blog put it: "If you were in that room, some of you would understand this as a work, but feed off the energy of the message anyway, 'this guy is awesome!'; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a jerk, you have no right to talk to me like that, or -- the standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with a greater power -- quietly seethe and fantasize about finding information that will out him as a hypocrite.

Here are some quick indicators you can disregard someone's media opinions, whether you've seen whatever they're describing or not

They tell YOU what you'll assume about a character

They tell YOU what the "correct" read of a character is

They think there's two primary reads of the story and they flatten down to "my interpretation is smart and says something good about myself, all other interpretations are superficial and evidence of a pathetic lack of self-awareness"

They talk about award-winning, complex media like a storybook for small children. This guy is actually the villain! This guy is actually the hero!

They're so so so certain that they know exactly how everyone else interpreted the movie

Take American Psycho - when I finally watched it, I *did* find takes I disagreed with, and I *did* find takes that I felt misunderstood certain characters. But very few, if any, disagreements were due to the other person's perception of characters as purely heroic or otherwise. I found takes that I didn't object to exactly, but came from viewpoints I felt too ignorant to fully grasp or comment on. I found gaps in my own understanding, gaps I don't think I'm capable of filling (I don't get music, sorry).

It wasn't 50% dudebros who wished they were/wanted to suck off Patrick Bateman and 50% wise women smartly explaining why the racist misogynist is in fact a bad person. The most annoying, shallowest takes I've found I'm most hostile to are those "you aren't patrick bateman, you don't even wash your face/teen girls with a skincare routine understand American psycho more than any dudebro could" memes. The take with actual effort that I bristled at the most was an essay that seemed oblivious to how severe homophobia was in the 80s.

I haven't watched Glen Glennie Ross, I'm just saying this guy's read of it lends me to believe he's not a reliable source.

[gojuo]

we're still on our way to Hotd's s2 and I already feel the same hopelessness I felt in Got s7 and s8. What comforts me is that just because a theory is popular doesn't mean it's going to happen on the show, remember the theory of Gendry being Robert and Cersei's son because the show posited that Cersei had a black-haired son by Robert? or the Tyrion Targaryen theory which was so popular in the fandom that if GRRM had ever given the green light I'm sure D&D would have done it. I hope certain paternity theories in hotd remain just that, theories.

I've no faith in HOTD anymore either since they've completely uprooted the original message and moral of the story for something far lesser (aka moved goalposts), but the twins not being Egg's theory is already debunked by the opening cinematic

The kids won't be bastards, I'm sure of that. The issue I have is the writers trying to undermine Helaena's suicide which was a consequence of being informed of Maelor's horrific death on orders of Rhaenyra by them trying to have Helaena already attempting suicide because Aemond rejects her, apparently... That's what leaks are saying is going to happen, allegedly.

It's just another attempt at washing Rhaenyra clean of her wrongdoings by already giving Helaena suicidal tendencies (which she didn't have before). It's lessening the future impact her baby's horrific murder will have on her. It's the same tactic they're doing with involving Dyanna, a girl raped by Aegon, in B&C. Everyone and their mothers will be calling B&C karmic retribution for Aegon because she's involved, mark my words.

[tripsonflatground]

Disney should stop doing remakes, BUT

The temptation of having about an extra hour to expand on the older movies is too tempting to not even think about, so if I was in control of a Snow White remake, here's what I would do:

Spend more time on the prologue, even just a few minutes, to show Snow's positive relationships with her parents, her mother's death, her father's remarriage to the Evil Queen (and say her name - Grimhilde, I think?), and her father's death and Queen Grimhilde's takeover

When the Prince shows up (and say his name - I think it's Florian?), actually explain who he is and give him a reason to be there - is he there because Queen Grimhilde is throwing a ball? Is he here to work on a treaty/trade deal on behalf of his neighboring kingdom?

Establish Prince Florian as a second son or son of the King's younger brother, so that if he theoretically married Snow White, he could become King or Prince Consort, which deepens Grimhilde's anger at Florian's and Snow's meeting

Change Snow's and Florian's first meeting so he doesn't sneak up on her like a creep and send Snow fleeing! She can still be singing I'm Wishing at the well or whatever, but have Florian come up to the well to get water for his horse and himself after their travels or something and have him strike up a conversation and have a proper meet-cute, maybe he compliments her singing.

Hell, if Florian's the neighboring prince, maybe he and Snow actually know each other! Either write them as an established couple and Florian's actually there to officially ask for her hand, or Florian and Snow are old childhood friends with no romance/chemistry between them until now!

When the Huntsman (and say his name!) is sent to take Snow's life, have the ruse be that there's an actual hunting or falconing/hawking trip they're going on. For one thing, nobles would actually do that with their guests as a past time, which means you could have Florian actually be there and notice Snow goes missing even if he can't stop anything and is fooled into thinking she died like everyone else. Two, it makes it harder for the Huntsman to get Snow alone. Three, there are cinematic opportunities in showing an actual hunt or hawking/falconing expedition.

When Snow White finds the dwarves' house, make it so the house looks abandoned and Snow decides to fix it up and start a farm or something in hiding, rather than knowing it's someone's home and deciding if she just cleans up, they'll keep her.

When the audience and/or Snow White actually meets the Dwarves, establish some basic dwarf lore: are they humanoids? Are they fae/fey? Are they somewhat common, rare, or are these the only seven dwarves in existence? Are they brothers/cousins or just seven unrelated dudes? Are the dwarves close to Snow's age, around her father's age, or much older than her, like beyond human aging?

Add a scene where we see Prince Florian either getting a little suspicious of everything or determining that he's going to go find Princess Snow White's body so she can properly be mourned by her people. Queen Grimhilde lets him go because she thinks he'll kill himself falling off a mountain or something because that's how the Huntsman led Queen Grimhilde to believe he "disposed of the body" after "taking Snow's heart".

Give Queen Grimhilde a villain song instead of that dumb washing up song the dwarves have.

Make the lead up to Someday My Prince Will Come involve Snow talking to the Dwarves about her friends and Kingdom and the good things about her life and include Prince Florian so the Dwarves start gently teasing her about her crush/love for him. Alternatively, have Snow talk about her mother and her mother's hopes for her daughter as she was dying (flashback?) that Snow would grow up to be happy and find love.

When Queen Grimhilde finds Snow, don't have it be the dumb decision of Doc directly telling Snow not to let anyone in and then Snow doing it anyway like in the original. Make it so Doc does warn Snow about answering the door for strangers, and Snow listens, but then have her hear a cry for help from the nearby road and have Snow go run and help because someone might be hurt. Of course, it's just Queen Grimhilde in her old lady disguise, but she actively is playing a ruse of being held up by a highwayman or bandit party or her cart or horse having taken damage. She offers Snow that apple as payment for her help.

Because of the earlier stuff, Prince Florian showing up to find Princess Snow White in the casket is explained by the fact that he was actually looking for her, and not just some random guy crashing a funeral. The kiss Florian gives her isn't so much romantic as it is like a goodbye gesture, only it ends up working as true love's kiss.

Instead of heading back to Florian's castle, Florian takes Snow Whilte back to her own kingdom's castle so they can let the people know of Queen Grimhilde's death and so Snow White can be crowned queen.

If the Huntsman is still alive, Snow White pardons him.

Queen Snow White finds the Magic Mirror and she or the Dwarves do something to free the spirit within.

Florian either proposes or starts an official courtship with Queen Snow White.

[makesometime]

7) This character’s favorite character for Wilde (and Zolf)

20) Household chore they hate the most (for Astarion)

7) This character’s favorite character for Wilde (and Zolf)

My immediate thought wasn't a character so much as a character archetype - I think they're both incredibly fond of the plucky female heroine. It's one of the reasons they like Campbells so much - each book serves them their very favourite examples character.

(It always gives them a reason to think of Sasha.)

In modern day I think they'd both be very fond of the 1999 cinematic masterpiece The Mummy, though they can never agree (even with themselves) over if they prefer Evie or Rick (the hottest bisexual issue of our time) but they can agree that Jonathan reminds them just a bit too much of Carter.

20) Household chore they hate the most (for Astarion)

I think he'd hate washing up - he's never the one to make the mess on the dishes in the first place, after all, so why should he get his lovely hands all soapy and pruny for the sake of his partner?

(If they point out that it's the same thing as taking a bath, he has a full rant prepared for why that is absolutely categorically not true)

[babygirlthor]

Chapters: 1/2

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Age Regression/De-Aging, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Weight Issues, Bathing/Washing, Non-Sexual Age Play, Regressor Loki (Marvel), Little!Loki, Fem Loki, Female Thor, Caregiver Thor (Marvel), they're both flips but they take turns, Alternate Universe - Human

Summary:

They're sisters, of course they take care of each other.

*

In which Thor and Loki help each other through whatever they face, day by day.

[s1mpl3sp0ng3]

i'm 3 episodes into muppets mayhem and i am having a good fuckin time lemme tell ya

i love penny, i love what they've done with lips and he gets the funniest lines, the covers are GREAT, and this feels very very muppety

the human lead feels a bit generic but i do like moog, tbh i feel like it would've been cool to have him be the main character but then again i can see it being too much of a rehash of walter's story

i know the desaturated colors are on purpose to give a cinematic feel but... eh i really don't care for it. it's the muppets! they're supposed to be colorful! everything looks washed out 90% of the time and it's distracting

(spoilers ahead) when they painted the house and sang can you picture that i had the BIGGEST smile on my face, that was so good and so real i fucking loooooved it

i am so fucking excited!!!!!

[airshipvalentine]

hiii whats this album youve been posting about :3c

HI JUNIIIII I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!

so the album is the idyll opus by adjy!! i would describe it as, like, orchestral pop with some folky/prog rock-y influences. it's a concept album!

there's two stories: one of an alchemist trying to find a way to bring his dead twin brother back. this alchemist narrates the story of a reckless musician boy named june and a clever writer girl named july, their roadtrip across the midwest, and their blossoming relationship.

it's almost cinematic and kind of epic in the, like, greek myth sense? it kind of reminds me of shakespeare in that the lyrics have this super interesting rhythm to them, and they reference mythology and alchemy and use these WEIRD ASS WORDS in order to create a very specific vibe. its also similar to shakespeare in that on my first listen i just had to kind of... let the words sorta wash over me and just absorb it. it also romanticizes the midwest a lil bit which i do appreciate. makes me find beauty in the cornfields

it's a love story it's a tragedy it's about cycles it's about the fleetingness of summer.

it's a GORGEOUS album and i recommend giving it a listen!!! best experienced with headphones and your full attention. maybe pull up the lyrics page if you're having trouble following

my favorite tracks are in medias res (gorgeous gorgeous lyricism. and the production just fills my chest with this sense of Longing) and the Whole progression from on a road trip that summer's day (i), to at a dance where the stars cross (ii), to o tonight (iii) (i just love it when people fall in love...). though also special shoutout to secretus liber (viii) just because that exact sort of feeling of mono no aware will never not make me feel secret emotions. me when i grieve for things before they're even over

it's SO fucking good i could honestly write paragraphs about every single songs and lyrics i like and the LEITMOTIFS (and i. probably will). let me know if you end up listening to it!!! i do need to credit my dear friend sofie dhdr for getting me into it

[are-we-really-doing-this]

Not piss anon, but I want to give you an excuse to share your thoughts 👀 -(not sure if I've given myself an anon name yet)

Anon you are a merciful entity. 7 out of 10 times I will look for an excuse to talk about Punk pissing himself. Also I do have a name for you now, I'll talk more when I answer your next ask. Never kept track of anon names before but I think I will now. Sounds like it could be a fun time.

Piss under cut btw, too long, must hide my non shame.

Just like, imagine him sitting behind the desk, cracking jokes and calling fights and shit but all the while squirming in his chair with increasing frequency because the dumb motherfucker has been drinking whatever anyone hands him aaaallllll night because they're sooooooo happy to have him back and Ace insists that he stay hydrated and on top of that he forgoes a bathroom break even when he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave once the fights began. So imagine him getting more flustered on his mic until he finally decides to let a little out because he’s wearing a dark suit right? Who would notice in the shadows under his desk with all the other smells flying around? But oh no! He’s gotta go be a good ring girl and interview the sweaty victor in that extremely well-lit cage! Whatever will he do? Well he's gonna get up and do his job, that's what he's gonna do, he's not an idiot and the kid standing in the ring is obviously looking forward to another interview from his favorite crestfallen martyr. But ughhhhhh, he's gotta go so bad. Oh well, in the ring shit happens. Piss happens. He'd know about that first one. After that maybe the thrill of the post-match buzz gets him out of his head but as he's interviewing a man he's been sweatily calling "big boy" all night, he feels himself leak. And it's not a lot, just a couple drops, but he still freezes and silently prays a million miles a second to gods he doesn't believe in that it doesn't show through his pants. And maybe it doesn't! Maybe it happens as the other guy is talking and he quips to make up for the brief look of horror on his face before scuttling back to commentary to sit in his own cooling piss. Or maybe it does! Maybe he can't stop it in time and enough comes out to leave a big pathetic dark stain down the leg of his pants. Maybe the camera guy is merciful and keeps the shot tight, or maybe he's cruel and stays right where all the divorced dads, frat bros, and fangirls (gn) can see on their tvs and phones and laptops. Maybe the fighter feels bad and lends Punk his sweaty towel for decency's sake, or maybe he would if he could stop giggling. But don't look now! A flood of relief washes over him as he pulls the very convenient crushed empty water bottle out of his pocket, cracks an off-the-top pee joke, and strides back to commentary with his bladder still full and adrenaline coursing through his veins at almost looking like an incontinent old man in front of what seemed liked the entire world. Either way he's home free, right? Well, what if that fighter Punk interviewed comes up to him later and chats him up a little, gets him alone, and as Punk attempts to end the conversation and find a damn bathroom, the other guy gets up real close and lets Punk know he could smell it on him and would very much like to see him finish his business which gets Punk VERY flustered but also intrigued at the young man's boldness aaaand etc etc, you feel my insanity. Or you don't. I put a cut for a reason lol

I definitely have more tho, make no mistake, anon. This is not the extent of the Punk-Piss cinematic universe for me.