#cillian murphy's hand

[queenshelby]

An Illicit Affair

Part 26: Hurt

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

An hour later...

An hour later, when Lucy arrived at the Hospital for her shift, she was met by one of the other doctors who informed her about the accident. Lucy's heart sank as the details of the incident came flooding in. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"The car drove off, and they haven't been able to identify the driver yet," the doctor told her. "We've done everything we can for her, but her injuries are severe. She lost a lot of blood, and she went into shock. We're trying to stabilize her, but it's not going to be easy."

Lucy's mind raced as she made her way to the trauma unit. "Where is she?" Lucy demanded, her voice sharp and urgent. She had not been on shift when the accident happened, but instead was given the news as soon as she arrived at the cancer ward. She couldn't believe that you, her best friend, had been hit by a car and the thought of it made her stomach twist with anxiety and fear.

"She's in surgery right now," the doctor replied gently. "We contacted her parents and her local next of kin who arrived a few minutes ago," the doctor went on to say and Lucy nodded curtly, her thoughts racing. 

"And her parents?" Lucy asked , concern lacing her voice.

"They are on their way from Liverpool,"  the doctor responded, his voice heavy with empathy. "It will take them a while to get here. In the meantime, we'll do everything we can to keep her alive."

Lucy nodded, her throat tightening with emotion. She couldn't lose you, not like this. Not after everything you had been through already. She knew that your life had not been an easy one, but you had always faced your challenges with strength and resilience.

And now, here you were, lying on a hospital bed, fighting for your life.

"I need to see her. I can't work today. I need to be with her. I am sorry," Lucy  interjected, her voice filled with urgency and emotion. "I'll stay with her until her parents arrive," Lucy promised, although the doctor looked dubious.

"Are you sure? I can arrange for a counselor to come and speak with you if you need to talk," the doctor offered kindly, and Lucy nodded.

"Thank you, but I just need to be there for my friend right now," Lucy replied, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped from her eye.

After making her way to the ER, she checked in with one of the nurses who informed Lucy that you were still in surgery. The doctor attending was one of the best  in the hospital, which only slightly helped to alleviate her worry as she sat in the waiting room, her thoughts consumed by you and the what ifs that tormented her.

"Lucy, how are you?" a familiar voice soon said, causing Lucy to look up from where she was sitting. To her suprise, it was Max who had approached her.

"Max," Lucy replied, taken aback. She hadn't expected to see him here, especially given the circumstances. "What are you doing here?" she asked, surprise making her voice barely above a whisper.

"The hospital called me," he told her quickly and with a lack of concern for your wellbeing. "Apparently I am listed as her next of kin," Max then said, sounding surprised.

Lucy's heart clenched, but she took a deep breath and stood up, choosing to focus on Max for the moment. "No, no, no," she shook her head. "You have no reason to be here, but your dad does. Did you call him?" Lucy asked, thinking that Cillian should be here rather than Max.  The situation was dire, and the only person that should be by your side was someone who you truly cared for, not someone who was holding a grudge against you.

Max shook his head. "No, I haven't called him. I haven't spoken to him much since that day when I found out about...you know," Max said stiffly, avoiding the subject of your affair with his father altogether. "Fuck, why do you even know about it? Jesus Christ!" Max cursed, running a hand through his short, spiky hair.

"I know about it because Y/N is my best friend," Lucy explained, her voice gentle yet firm. "And look," Lucy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I know things are tense between you and your father right now, but this isn't the time for petty squabbles. You need to call him!"  Lucy insisted, trying to keep her voice level and calm, despite the panic that was building inside her. "This is serious, Max. Your dad needs to know what's happened to Y/N. He needs to be here for her," she said, her voice growing more urgent.

Max looked at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "I don't think so. Fuck him!"  Max finally retorted, his voice low and angry. "He doesn't deserve to know anything about Y/N! Not after what he's done! Do you have any idea what it's like to find out that the two people you love in very different ways have been screwing behind your back? Do you know the pain and the betrayal I felt in that moment?" Max demanded, his voice rising as he spoke.

Lucy sighed heavily, her frustration mounting. "Of course, I know how much this hurts you, Max. But this is not about you right now and if you did actually love Y/N, then you would put aside your grudge and make sure that she has your father by her side right now!"  Lucy snapped, suddenly losing her temper, not caring about Max's personal feelings.

Max opened his mouth to argue but stopped when he noticed the look on Lucy's face. He saw the anger and frustration in her eyes, but he also saw something else - a deep and abiding concern for you.

"If you are so worried about it all, then why don't you call him?"  Max finally said, his tone challenging.

"I don't have his fucking number you eejit!"  Lucy exclaimed, throwing her hands up in frustration. She knew she was being harsh, but she couldn't help it. The thought of you lying in a hospital bed, alone and without the people you loved, was too much to bear and, just as the argument reached a breaking point, the attending doctor came out of the operating room.

His expression was serious, his brow furrowed with concern. Lucy's heart rate quickened as she waited for him to speak.

"We've done everything we can for now," the doctor said, his tone measured and calm. "One of her kidneys was badly damaged and we had to remove it. Her leg was also shattered in several places, and she will need further surgery to attend these fractures. The damage done to her right leg may be permanent. She also experienced extensive blood loss and a rather severe concussion.  All that said, she's in stable condition now and will likely survive, but she remains unconscious, and we cannot yet determine the long-term effects of her injuries."

Lucy's heart clenched, panic shooting through her at the doctor's words. You, her closest friend, had been through so much already and she couldn't bear the thought of you facing even more hardship. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, her vision becoming blurry with emotion.

"We need her next of kin to sign off on the procedures to her right leg while she remains unconscious. There are several options, all of which have risks involved," the doctor explained , his gaze flicking to Max, who still looked shell-shocked by what the doctor had told you both.

Lucy turned to Max, her eyes imploring him. There was no way he could or should be making a decision like this.

"Her parents are on their way. They should be about two or three hours away, depending on traffic and, although Y/N isn't exactly close to them..." Lucy began to say to the doctor in a wavering voice, but the doctor was quick to interrupt her. 

"I am afraid that we cannot wait that long. She will lose her leg if we do and then the only choice still available to her would be amputation," the doctor informed you in a grave tone and Lucy couldn't help but feel a fresh wave of despair wash over her. "Despite, she listed you as her next of kin," the doctor then said to Max, looking at him expectantly just before Lucy interrupted. "You are Maximillian Murphy, right?" he asked, causing Max to nod. 

"Yes, and she listed him by mistake!" she interjected. "He is not her next of kin. It should be her partner, not him. He cannot make this decision for her," Lucy asserted with a firm tone, turning to Max.

"Please, Max. You need to call your dad and get him here. Y/N wouldn't want you making these decisions for her," Lucy continued, her voice insistent.

Max looked at Lucy for a long moment, his gaze unwavering. "I can't do that, Lucy. You know I can't," he said, his voice low.

"Why not?" Lucy demanded, throwing her hands up in frustration. "Surely you can put your differences aside for one moment for the sake of a person's life?" she argued again, causing the doctor to look at them with confusion as yet another argument broke out.

"Listen, I am going to call her parents and see if we can come to an agreement over the phone. I will do my best to explain the situation and options to them," the doctor said, seeing that Max's authority to make decision had just been disputed by another staff member.

"No," Lucy objected. "That's not necessary," she then added, raising more confusion. "I can make the decisions," Lucy then offered quickly but the doctor shook his head.

"No Lucy, you can't. It's the next of kin who has the right to make and dispute medical decisions, failing which the parents and siblings can decide," the doctor interjected, explaining the law to her, but Lucy couldn't care less at this point.

"Why can't her parents decide?" Max  asked, rubbing his temples as the stress of the situation began to settle in.

"Because there is a reason Y/N did not nominate a family member to be her next of kin. They are religious and their particular religion does not approve of certain life-saving medical procedures," Lucy continued, her voice pleading and full of emotion. 

"Please, just call your dad, Max. I know things are strained, but Y/N needs him here right now. He has the maturity and intellect to make an informed decision for her and, besides, he would be the one carrying the burden of making that decision too which is a burden you do not want to have," Lucy said, trying to appeal to Max's sense of logic and reason.

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred

[alicenthighstower]

Emily Blunt and Cillian Murphy in OPPENHEIMER (2023) dir. Christopher Nolan

[aliendeity]

peaky blinder alpha males who worship thomas shelby have clearly never seen the show because while he is brutal and violent, he is a man who is obsessive over his love of family. he is also a total loser who is clinically insane, massively superstitious, can never not fuck up his relationships with women, and constantly gets his ass kicked (that’s why he’s always bloody) it’s a tv show about how fucking stupid it is to be a toxic macho man, nearly all the men in that show are like that. and they end up being punished for it

see men? this is PEAK alpha male energy. miserable heartbroken boy who cannot survive a day without smoking 20k packs of cigarettes a day and is held together by his boner for self punishment and the women he cannot keep happy or safe

[mischievouslittlecreature]

Cillian talking about how Tommy is never ever violent towards women is so important to me 🥹

[cillixn]

[luluartpop]

Sensitive topic: Cillian's hands 🫣🤭

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 26: THE ARTICLE

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

After you picked up the paper and read through the short-winded article, you could not help but feel nauseous again.

Seeing Cillian kiss his assistant like this made you sick, and you quickly realised that you were not wrong when you got a bad vibe from Kit, making you uncomfortable.

You also wondered whether, during your short-lived relationship with Cillian, he engaged in anything intimate with her. That would not have surprised you, considering that Kit had always had it out for him.

Kit clearly loved the attention as Cillian was not the first actor she was dating and you were curious as to what made her an excellent personal assistant for him. Was she more than that, even when he was married to Danielle? You were unsure and you knew that you should not care.

He had ended it with you and yet, you felt appalled and disgusted by his actions.

Filled with pain medication making you not think relatively straight, you picked up your phone and sent Cillian a photo of the article you read with the note saying “I am disgusted, but not surprised”, immediately following which Cillian called you.

“What is that supposed to mean? You are disgusted, but not surprised?” he asked, seeing that the article had made you upset as, even now, on the phone with him, you were crying.

“It means that I was right. There was always something about her, but you brushed it off when I mentioned it” you told him in a teary voice, causing Cillian to sigh but not answer.

“Did you sleep with her?” you asked after his long silent pause, knowing this was none of your business.

“What does it matter?” Cillian asked almost defensively, causing you to take in a deep breath.

“I will just take this as a yes,” you told him before allowing yourself to curse loudly so that everyone in the room could hear you. “Fuck, Cillian. Why?” you asked but, again, knew that he did not owe you any explanation.

“Because I have been trying to get you out of my fucking head Y/N” Cillian explained with much emotion in his voice but, of course, this made no sense to you whatsoever.

“So, it is my fault that you slept with your assistant?” you chuckled in disbelief, resulting in Cillian backtracking.

“Listen Y/N, I don’t have to explain myself to you. I slept with Kit, yes, but none of this is any of your business. We are not together anymore” Cillian told you and you could not help but ask him whether he had slept with her in the past as well, namely when you were dating each other.

“Of course not. Why would you even ask that?” he wondered and, again, you stated that she had always shown an interest in him, which was something he clearly was too blind to see.

“Okay. Well, at least I know that you have moved on, so that is good for you” you then told Cillian with some sadness in your voice and he asked you again whether it was still all right for him to bring Nina in to see you to which, of course, you agreed.

“Yes, sure. Just, please don’t come in with her. I cannot see you right now because, if I do, I might say something wrong, which would not be fair to Nina. She doesn’t need to know about any of this” you explained to Cillian as tears continued to stream down your face.

“Say something wrong? Like what?” Cillian asked, oblivious to the fact that you were hurting.

“Fuck Cillian, two weeks ago you told me that you loved me. Then you take it all back because of my age. Now I am in the hospital and find out you fucked your PA. How do you think this makes me feel, huh?” you cried before telling him that you were still upset after what happened and that him sleeping with Kit was your final straw. There was no coming back from this and you told him you were hurt by his actions which made Cillian gasp for air.

“All right. I will wait outside. I am sorry” he barely managed to say which is when you hung up on him and he started to curse.

Dropping back into his seat, Cillian sighed as tears in the corner of his eyes began to build up again, this time from knowing how much he had indeed hurt you. It had been two weeks since you parted ways and he never expected to find himself in a situation where he could not cope.

He knew very well that, over the past two weeks, he had been acting destructively and this included the fact that he had slept with his assistant Kit which, if it were not for his heartache and pain, he would not have done.

He regretted it and now, his mistake was already haunting him as even his daughter and ex-wife had brought up the article this afternoon.

Explaining the situation to Nina was, of course, almost worse than explaining the situation to you, and what Cillian did not know was that his daughter had grown to like you much more than she should have.

She also knew much more than she should have and, seeing her father upset, did not bother her much as, in Nina’s mind, it served him right.

“Are you and Kit a thing now?” she asked, before revealing to him that she would not like him to date a woman like Kit who, to this date, had always been a throne in her mother’s eye.

“No, we are not a thing. We just fooled around and it was stupid. I made a mistake” Cillian admitted carefully, trying to gauge the situation. He did not want to upset his daughter and had to be mindful not to hurt her feelings.

“Well, I suppose you are old enough to make your own decisions and certainly not too old to make mistakes, so I guess that’s fair,” Nina said wisely, knowing that her father was feeling bad about what happened. It was evident from his voice and demur and this somehow concerned her.

“I think we are never too old to make mistakes, Nina. In fact, I made many in recent weeks” Cillian admitted, referring to the fact that he had hurt you.

“Was breaking up with my dance teacher one of them?” Nina asked, catching her father by surprise, and causing his chin to drop. He wondered how she knew and why she had not said anything about it previously.

“What are you talking about?” he thus asked, again gauging the situation and, in the end, Cillian was surprised to learn that Nina knew along, ever since he started dating you.

“Come on Dad. I am not stupid” Nina told him, chuckling.

“No, seriously Nina, what are you talking about?” Cillian asked, still pretending that there had been nothing between you and him.

“I found some of her clothes with mine about a week ago when granny visited. She thought they were mine, from the dance academy, but I explained to her that they were not and placed them back in Y/N’s locker when I got to class. I don’t think she ever noticed. Also, the necklace with the Beatles quote she is wearing? It had to be from you. Only you are so weirdly romantic that it hurts” Nina laughed and, just as she explained to her father how she came to know about his relationship with you, he cursed.

“Fuck” he said, causing Nina to break out in even more laughter than before.

“Watch your language, Dad!” she lectured him and he admitted to her that he had, indeed, recently broken up with you.

“Yeah, breaking up with your dance teacher is one of the stupid things I have done Nina” Cillian told his daughter and, of course, she had questions.

“Did you not like her anymore?” she asked, wondering why her father had broken up with you.

“No, I still liked her very much but she is a little too young for me, sweetheart. It was not going to work” Cillian told his daughter who simply shrug her shoulders, knowing that she had to stay out of her father’s love life.

“All right. That’s your choice Dad” she thus said. “I can still like her though, right?” Nina then wondered.

“Of course. She is a wonderful person and there is no reason for you not to like her. Despite, she is your dance teacher and you love dancing, so who am I to get in the way of what makes you happy, hmm?” Cillian reassured Nina before hugging her and, since she was no longer into this kind of parental affection, she pulled away and told him it was time to head to the hospital.

***

An hour later, Nina and Cillian arrived with two books for you to read and a box of chocolates.

Seeing how upset you were earlier, Cillian remained outside, by the door while Nina walked in to see you, glancing back at her father with confusion.

“Dad? Are you coming?” she asked, but Cillian shook his head, telling Nina that one person at the time was enough. According to him, you still needed some rest.

Nina, of course, did not believe his reasoning and wondered whether the separation between you and her father was not on so amicable terms.

This, of course, was the case but both you and Cillian shielded his daughter from your disagreements with each other. This was the right thing to do and, since you liked Nina a lot, it was not very difficult either.

With that in mind, you hugged Nina and thanked her again for pretty much saving your life that day which was something that embarrassed her.

Like her father though, she did not like attention and thus quickly changed the topic.

Thus, you talked about dancing for a while and engaged in some jokes about life and a book you had both read before it came to your mind that you were sent a video of Nina’s recent solo by one of the other dance teachers.

“Can I see?” Nina asked and, of course, you showed it to her, not only once but twice, and, still, she criticised herself whereas you thought she did fantastically.

“Can Dad come in and see it?” Nina eventually asked and, even though you did not want to be anywhere near Cillian, you agreed, simply for her sake.

“Yes, of course” you thus said, pretending to be unbothered by Cillian’s presence as Nina called him inside.

“Y/N has a video from the training on Thursday which one of the other dancers took,” she told her father who, cautiously, approached you.

“Yes, come and have a look,” you told him, making him feel more comfortable.  “I was still in action then and Nina did amazing with the solo. She is showing so much emotion on stage now” you explained to Cillian who appeared to be very proud of his daughter as he watched the video.

“Can you send this to me so I can share it with Danielle?” he even asked and, of course, you nodded.

“Sure” you said before Cillian thanked you and told Nina that it was time to go, which was something she did not want to do.  She wanted to stay a bit longer and engage in conversation with you but her father was adamant that he had to go home as he had a meeting at six o’clock.

“A meeting with your assistant isn’t a meeting, Dad. She can work around you. Just tell her to come later” Nina told her father, knowing that Kit was supposed to come around to discuss the upcoming release of Oppenheimer and his interview schedule.

“I am sure Kit and your father have a lot of important things to discuss” you couldn’t help but say sarcastically before telling Nina that, if it was all right with her parents, she could return the following day for another visit.

“Okay Y/N. Take care” Nina told you before giving you yet another hug and, with that, Cillian and her left to go home and meet with his assistant.

***

At around 6 o’clock, Kit arrived at Cillian’s apartment and, as usual, she was punctual and on time.

As soon as she entered though, she attempted to give Cillian a kiss who quickly pulled away. He told her that his daughter was staying with him, as she already knew, which meant he could not interact with her this way.

Kit, of course, was disappointed, and even though Nina saw Kit’s attempt to kiss her father, she did not say anything, but disappeared in her room, smashing the door shut behind her.

“She seems angry” Kit pointed out before, finally, taking her chances. She pressed her lips onto his in haste and, again, Cillian pulled away.

“Kit, stop. This is not going to work” he told her, to which she sighed with frustration.

“Why? Because we work together?” she assumed, but this was not his reason.

“No, because I am not over Y/N and I don’t think I will be for quite some time. I love her and she...never mind…” Cillian stammered causing Kit to become angry.

“She just what?” Kit asked, trying to contain her emotions while pretending not to care about Cillian’s words.

“She saw the article in the paper, about us and she did not take lightly to it” Cillian explained, causing Kit to laugh.

“So what? You are not together anymore!” Kit pointed out, but Cillian remained firm.

“Still. She just had a miscarriage and I honestly need some time to digest all of this. Nina likes her and I miss her” Cillian explained before regretting telling Kit about your matters which, at this point, he did not know she would be using to her advantage soon.

“Fine. I mean, it was and would always be just sex Cillian. I can get that from someone else” Kit chuckled, telling Cillian not to worry about it.

“So, we are good?” Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that Kit could still be working for him as she had been an excellent assistant thus far.

“Of course, we are good. Let’s forget anything ever happened, okay?” Kit told him before diving right into Cillian’s work schedule.

“Okay, grand” Cillian confirmed with a smile, and without knowing that, later that night, Kit would take it upon herself to send an email to your place of work, using a fake email address.

“Dear Mr Beasly

I am writing to you as it has come to my attention recently that one of your dance teachers has engaged in intimate relations with one of the parents who, to this date, is still married.

Her name is Y/N Y/LN and the parent she got involved in is Nina Murphy’s father. Now, considering Mr Murphy’s status, I believe that this could and would reflect poorly on your establishment if their affair was to become known, especially since, recently, the said Miss Y/LN had undergone a pregnancy termination.

My suggestion would be to have Miss Y/LN resign on a favorable redundancy package, which includes the signing of a nondisclosure agreement.

Your sincerely;

A Concerned Parent”

[cillsmurph]

"She's gonna mention the bone. Just wait, she's gonna mention the bone. Do not mention the bone."

[metamorphesque]

cillian murphy, so it goes magazine

[red-riding-wood]

PEAKY BLINDERS

"There is good in my heart. But my hands... these hands belong to the Devil." - Arthur Shelby

[cillianhead]

this is so…. thomas shelby… core…. in my mind…

I NEED HIS FINGERS IN MY MOUTH

i mean what?? who said that??

[cillianthecryptid]

Cryptid spotted 👆

[luluartpop]

Messages written by Cillian Murphy

His handwriting is very beautiful 🩷

[alicent-targaryen]

TOMMY SHELBY ▸ Peaky Blinders, 5.2

[kiss-me-cill-me]

does he have big hands? i cant quite figure it out

Now anon, I know that when you sent this, you were almost certainly not asking me to pull out the measuring tape.

But it's too late. The measuring tape is already out, and I love nothing more than doing a good bit, so here we go. *Ahem*

According to the Golden Globe's website, their FAQs give the dimensions of the trophy as follows:

And according to this random but seemingly credible enough website about average hand sizes, this is how you measure hands:

And these are the averages for those measurements:

Now stay with me here. All of my measurements below are taken from the outside edge of the red and green lines.

If you look at the height of the trophy compared to the breadth of his hand, the 12.77 inch trophy is about three and a third hand breadths. So 12.77 divided by 3.33 gives us a hand breadth of about 3.83 inches. Slightly larger than the average above.

I'm assuming that the width measurement given for the trophy is referring to the base, which is the widest part. It's impossible to get a hand length measurement from this picture, but what I can do is get the length of his pinky from tip to first knuckle. The 3.64 inch base of the trophy is pretty much exactly three pinky knuckles. So we can estimate that pinky measurement at about 1.21 inches.

Now, let me tell you, it is almost impossible to find a picture of this man with his hands flat. He is constantly gesturing and curling his fingers. His expression in this picture matches the one that I had by the time I'd sifted through two dozen hand photos that just wouldn't work.

Anyway... What I did here was kept the pinky measure from the first photo as-is, and then resized this image until the same area of his hand matched up with the line. Then, I used that green line as a metric to measure the length of his hand from longest finger to wrist crease.

His full hand length comes out to seven pinky knuckles, and 1.21 times 7 brings us to 8.47 inches. Again, slightly larger than the average above.

So yes, I would say he has decently big hands, particularly for someone of his height, but nothing extraordinary. With the disclaimer that, of course, I have no idea what I'm doing and this is all just for laughs lol😉

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 33: THE FAIR

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

Waking up in your old apartment, you stretch your arms above your head, feeling the crispness of the air as it slips through the slightly opened window. As you step closer, you gaze out at the familiar skyline – the roofs of neighbouring buildings peeking from between the branches of aged trees. Today is the day when you are going to see Cillian again, and by now, you have made up your mind. You wanted him back, regardless of what happened between you in the past.

There was no denying it. He had hurt you deeply, but you still could not forget how he made you feel when you were with him. His smile, his touch, his words – all these things were like a drug to you, making you crave more of him. It was not just about the passion between you two; there was something deeper, stronger even than the love you had for anyone else before. Maybe it was because you felt so understood by him. Or maybe it was because he saw parts of yourself that nobody else could.

You texted each other every day and had two dates since he contacted you one night after your performance at the Abbey. He was trying very hard to make amends, and deep down, you knew that giving him another chance might lead to heartbreak once again, but what scared you more was the thought of never experiencing that connection ever again.

So, today, you decided that you would give in. You would give it another shot. Today, you would meet Cillian for another date, hoping you could rediscover the spark that had once ignited between you.

"Are you sure about this?" Emma asked as she sat beside you, trying to understand your decision better. You had been thinking about it for days and finally told her what you came up with.

"You know what he did to you. Why take such a risk?" she wanted to know, cautioning you about what may happen.

"I do know," you replied, your voice softening as memories of past betrayals resurfaced. "But I also know that sometimes people make mistakes. I, myself, made plenty. He has been trying very hard lately, and, God, I miss him, Emma." you explained, your heart heavy.

Emma sighed, shaking her head gently. "Y/N, if he truly cared for you, why did he break up with you over something as trivial as age?" she warned you. "Despite, do you think that he will ever get over the age difference between you? What if you decide that you want children one day, and he does not? What is if you want something else that he cannot give you?" Emma then pointed out, and your heart ached to hear those words, but you remained steadfast.

"Cillian isn't perfect, and neither am I. We both fucked up. He may not get over the age difference between us and maybe it will cause issues later down the track, but I am still young, and I will regret not giving it a try," you admitted.

Emma hesitated, her brow furrowing. She knew you well enough to recognise your resolve.  "Alright," she finally said, sighing heavily. "If you really think this is the right choice, then I won't stop you. Just promise me that you will be careful, okay?"

You nodded solemnly, reaching out to grasp her hand. "I will," you swore. "And thank you for understanding, Emma. I would not have gotten this far without your support," you smiled, a little relieved that you could move forward. "Of course, sweetie, any time.

We have been through some shit together, and this is nothing compared to what we had to endure back in the US," Emma told you before giving you a firm hug.

"So then, provided that all goes well at the fair this evening, should I assume that you are not coming back home tonight?" Emma smirked, knowing very well that if you had your way, you would probably stay at Cillian's apartment and engage in passionate make-up sessions.

"We shall see," you teased playfully, your cheeks reddening slightly. "I should probably get ready," you told Emma before asking to borrow one of her jumpers. Emma chuckled in response, shaking her head fondly. 

"Sure, you can borrow it; just make sure you take it off before you engage in something inappropriate," Emma laughed lightheartedly.

Her comment made you roll your eyes, a small grin spreading across your face.

"Don't worry, Em, I am certain that if something was to happen, the clothes would come off first," you joked, and she laughed along.

"Good!" she responded before you both began to prepare for the day ahead, seeing that, before meeting Cillian, you had rehearsals at the studio starting at ten o'clock. 

Later that evening…

The evening of your third date with Cillian had finally arrived and you were eagerly looking forward to spending the evening at the Dublin Fair. Your friend Emma had told you about this festivity many times before and how magical and colourful it was and she sure was not wrong. 

As soon as you reached the entrance of the fairgrounds, you could not help but feel amazed by the sight that greeted you. The air was filled with excitement, the scent of popcorn, and the sounds of children playing in the nearby attraction.

Cillian was already waiting for you by the entrance gate. His charming smile made it impossible for you not to notice him, even amidst the crowd.

He wore his usual casual attire, a dark grey t-shirt and black jeans, worn-out leather boots and purple socks sticking out above them, complementing his striking looks perfectly.

He approached you with a warm embrace, followed by an affectionate kiss on your cheek.

"Hey," he said, his deep voice resonating with warmth. "Ready to have some fun?" he asked like an excited little boy, and you nodded, a wide grin spreading across your face as you linked arms with him.

"Absolutely, but first tell me, how is your new feline companion?" you asked as, together, you walked along the winding pathway that led towards the centre of the fairgrounds. 

"He is doing well, and Nina loves him," Cillian told you before pulling out his phone and showing you some photos of Nuggets.

"Look at this one!" he exclaimed, pointing at a picture where Nuggets was lying down, wearing a pair of sunglasses, looking quite adorable. Your face broke into a grin, and you both shared a light-hearted laugh.

"Oh my god, you did not..." you laughed, and Cillian confirmed that Nina took the photo, not him. 

As you continued strolling down the narrow pathways, the lively melodies from live bands began to fill the air, drawing you closer to the stage.

Each step you took brought forth more laughter, music, and cheer. Soon enough, you found yourself standing under the colourful tents, surrounded by the aroma of hotdogs and popcorn, with the sweet laughter of children echoing all around. It was hard to resist not stopping at every stand to taste the delightful culinary delights.

Your steps led you further into the heart of the fair, where the most vibrant and animated games stood.

The crowd seemed rowdier here, and the atmosphere was electrifying. As if sensing your excitement, Cillian pulled you closer to him, his hand firmly grasping yours.

"Come on, show me what you got," he suggested with a gleam before pointing to the balloon dart game in the corner, which you knew was a waste of money but fun nonetheless.

You agreed wholeheartedly, feeling a surge of adrenaline at the thought of attempting these games with Cillian. 

"Should we have a competition against each other? Whoever wins the most out of three games gets to pick the first ride?" you asked, playfully challenging him.

"Deal." Cillian agreed without hesitation, flashing you a mischievous grin. "Let's see who is better at throwing darts, me or you. I mean, clearly, I have at least twenty years more experience," Cillian told you with a smug smile on his face.

With a competitive spirit sparkling in your eyes, you both stepped up to the game, getting ready to aim at the colourful balloons hung above. The crowd gathered around, watching intently, adding to the electrifying atmosphere.

The game master gave you both three darts each, explaining the rules clearly to avoid any confusion.

Once he had stepped aside, Cillian positioned himself strategically, taking his time to aim and throw. His intense focus on the target was evident, and he seemed determined to win.

As you watched him, you couldn't help but admire his concentration and skill. His face contorted, and you adored how his freckled nose moved when he tried to put his mind to something like this.

You felt the heat rise within you, not just because of the competitiveness of the situation but also due to the chemistry simmering between you two.

As you threw your first dart, your heart raced with anticipation. With a mixture of precision and luck, you managed to hit a small balloon near the top, causing it to wobble precariously. 

This only fuelled your determination even more. In response, Cillian's face grew serious, focusing entirely on the task at hand. Taking deep breaths, he aimed at another balloon and released his dart swiftly. This time, he struck a bigger target, and the crowd applauded his success. You weren't fazed though, feeling confident in your abilities.

Carefully selecting your second dart, you concentrated all your energy on hitting the largest remaining balloon. As you took aim, your heart beat faster in anticipation.

With careful focus, you released your second dart, aiming straight for the biggest balloon left hanging. To your immense satisfaction, the sharp tip pierced the balloon, popping it instantly. A loud cheer erupted from the crowd surrounding you as you turned triumphantly towards Cillian, grinning proudly.

However, instead of displaying disappointment or frustration, Cillian merely clapped his hands together, acknowledging your victory. A subtle gleam of amusement danced in his eyes, and a faint flush appeared on his cheeks.

"So, about those twenty years of experience, huh?" you teased him as you both headed towards the next round of games. Cillian chuckled in response, his deep laugh filling your ears with pure pleasure. "Don't get too cocky now, young lady. I will still outplay you at many other things," he quipped, playfully bumping shoulders with you.

"We'll see about that," you retorted, nudging him back, your eyes twinkling with mischief before dragging Cillian to two more games, spending at least twenty minutes in this area before, finally, walking away with a plushie.

"So, what ride will you choose?" Cillian then asked since you had won all three games against him, and you suggested the rollercoaster as your first ride.

Cillian nodded in agreement, his eyes meeting yours intensely, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

Your walk to the rollercoaster line was filled with undeniable electricity as if the atmosphere around you mirrored the fire burning within you. 

Unsurprisingly though, as you waited in line, some women recognized him, whispering among themselves and giggling. Although he received a few glances from them, Cillian remained focused on you, completely ignoring their attention.

"I think you sparked their interests," you whispered to him softly, a slight hint of amusement lacing your words.

Cillian chuckled slightly. "I've noticed, but it doesn't bother me. Does it bother you?" Cillian asked, seeing that you were eager to keep your dates casual and out of the tabloids. 

You smiled and shook your head in understanding, appreciating his care for your privacy. "No, it's fine," you reassured him just as you reached the front of the line.

"Ready?" you asked as the anticipation of riding the rollercoaster together heightened your excitement.

"As ready as I can be," Cillian confirmed with a wink, sending a shiver down your spine before; finally, the attendant guided you towards the cosy car that would take you on a thrilling adventure. The sky was clear, casting a soft blue hue over the entire fairgrounds, making it seem even more magical than before. 

As you climbed into the seat, your fingers brushed against Cillian's, and you both shared a secret smile. An indescribable electricity coursed through your veins, heightening your awareness of each other's presence. 

The anticipation was palpable, building with each passing moment. And then, with a sudden jolt, the rollercoaster began its journey, soaring high above the fairgrounds, revealing breathtaking views of Dublin in all its glory.

"Look at this," Cillian exclaimed, gesturing towards the sprawling city below. "Isn't it incredible?" you asked, your eyes gleaming excitedly. 

As you looked out onto the vast landscape, the adrenaline in your system combined with the closeness of Cillian, creating an intoxicating mix. It was not long before you found yourself lost in his deep gaze, unable to look away. Your heart raced, and you could feel the heat between you escalating until, suddenly, the car rode down the deep descent.

This unexpected turn caused you both to clutch onto each other instinctively, your fingers intertwining tightly. Cillian's touch sent a wave of desire coursing through your body, causing your breath to catch in your throat.

"Fuck," you screamed and laughed all at the same time, enjoying the thrill of the rollercoaster ride mixing with the excitement of Cillian's touch.

"That was amazing!" Cillian agreed, his face flushed with excitement. He gripped your hand tightly as if he never wanted to let go.

"Absolutely insane!" you declared as you both leaned forward to inspect the view of the city unfolding beneath you on the second round before making a surprising admission. 

"You know, I have never been on a rollercoaster before," you told Cillian before the car dropped down the metal pathway for a second time. You closed your eyes, feeling the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins, and then, it was over, and Cillian queried about your statement.

"You have never been on a rollercoaster before? Why?" he asked, letting go of your hand, his fingers lingering on yours for a moment longer than necessary.

"Well, in the US, my foster parents did not take me to places like this. In fact, they did not take me anywhere. They used all the money the system gave them to buy alcohol and cigarettes," you explained heavyheartedly. "Besides, they usually cost a fortune anyway," you told him, causing Cillian to turn towards you in pause. His expression grew solemn as he took in your words.

A frown formed on his brow. "I'm sorry. That must have been hard," he expressed genuine sympathy, and you could sense, once again, that he understood the pain you must have gone through.

Feeling your own emotion stirring within you, you reached for his hand and squeezed it lightly, trying to convey gratitude for his kindness. "It's okay, Cillian. Life has its ups and downs, right?" you tried to lighten the mood with a playful smile. "Anyway, we are here to have fun! Let's enjoy the rest of our night."

"Yes, absolutely," Cillian agreed wholeheartedly, returning your smile with one of his own. "Come on, let's find something else," he suggested before asking you whether there was something else you had not done before. 

"I haven't been on a Ferris wheel before," you admitted, smiling at the idea of conquering yet another new experience.

"Perfect, then let's do it," Cillian replied, already moving towards the Ferris wheel entrance with you.

The Ferris wheel operator ushered you both onto a gondola, which slowly ascended, offering breathtaking panoramic views of the Dublin skyline and, in this moment, a wave of uncomfortableness began to overcome you. You did not like the Ferris wheel stalling. It was much larger than the rollercoaster and, surprisingly, made you anxious.

Cillian noticed this and offered you his supportive arm, wrapping it around your waist in a supportive manner. 

"It's going to be fine; there is nothing to worry about," he told you reassuringly. 

You placed your hand on his, giving him a grateful smile. Feeling calmer, you allowed yourself to enjoy the view while the Ferris wheel turned leisurely, allowing couples on adjacent gondolas to engage in conversation or intimate moments.

As the wheel stopped again briefly to let passengers on and off, your senses heightened, and you could not help but notice how close you two were. The sweet smell of Cillian's cologne mixed with the fresh Irish air swirled around you, creating an intoxicating atmosphere.

"Are you okay now?" he asked as his warm hands cupped your own, reassuring you.

You nodded gratefully again, feeling the anxiety dissipate. "Yes, thank you," you murmured, giving him a gentle smile.

"You're welcome," he replied with an equally gentle smile and as the Ferris wheel continued to rotate, you both took turns admiring the captivating view of Dublin's nightlife, illuminated by a myriad of twinkling lights.

Cillian's hand, which still held yours, felt comfortingly strong and protective, and you could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of contentment. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in this enchanting world of twinkling lights and vibrant colours.

Soon enough, the Ferris wheel stopped, depositing you both onto solid ground. Your feet met the warm pavement, and a wave of euphoria washed over you, heightened by the surge of adrenaline from the Ferris wheel ride.

You both walked aimlessly, embracing the festive atmosphere around you, finding joy in simple pleasures such as the sound of laughter, the taste of sugar-covered treats, and the bright colours filling the fairgrounds.

"So, what is your favourite kind of fast food?" Cillian asked as you stopped at a booth filled with traditional Irish dishes.

"Oh, well, I love fish and chips," you replied smiling, remembering the delicious meal you shared with him earlier.

"Fish and chips, huh? What's your favourite part of it?" Cillian inquired, curious about your preferences. "It would definitely be the flaky, crisp batter on the fish dipped in vinegar," you confessed with a laugh, imagining the tangy taste dancing on your tongue.

"I guess that means that, for our next date, I should take you to the best place in town for fish and chips," Cillian said confidently, already planning another romantic evening together. His easy charm made you feel at ease as if he was always looking out for your happiness.

"Another date, huh?" you giggled in response, blushing slightly at the thought of another romantic evening together.

"Only if you want to," Cillian responded, his eyes sparkling affectionately. He knew just how to make you feel special, and the warmth radiating from his gaze left no doubt in your mind that he genuinely desired your happiness.

"That depends," you smiled, feeling a flutter in your heart at the prospect of sharing more precious moments with him.

"On what?" Cillian asked nervously, glancing at you for reassurance. He seemed apprehensive, worried that your past experiences might affect your willingness to give your relationship another chance. 

"On whether we would be going on this date as boyfriend and girlfriend," you told him confidently, giving him a soft smile. "Because if we aren't, then this would be just another night out among friends," you pointed out, requiring some clarity. 

"But I don't want that," Cillian whispered, his eyes shining with determination. "We have already spent hours talking about why we broke up, and I have realized that it was foolish of me to end things over something as trivial as age. I can't imagine life without you anymore, Y/N" Cillian told you and your heart skipped a beat at his earnest declaration.

"Tell me that you love me," you requested, needing to hear those three little words from him after months apart.

"I love you," Cillian confirmed, his voice filled with sincerity. He paused for a moment, looking deeply into your eyes, as if searching for confirmation of his feelings.

You wrapped your arms around him, pressing your body against his, revelling in the warmth of his embrace. The sweet scent of his cologne combined with the subtle fragrance of the nighttime fair created an almost intoxicating atmosphere.

"How much?" you teased playfully, pulling away from Cillian's embrace to examine the delectable options lined up before you. Cillian watched you closely, amused by your curiosity.

"An awful lot, Y/N,” Cillian confirmed. “Do you know how much you mean to me?" he then asked, taking your hand gently and leading you to a corner where no one could see you. His eyes burned with desire, reflecting his deep yearning for you.

"I want you to tell me, Cillian. Tell me exactly how much I mean to you," you demanded with an urgency that surprised even yourself. 

Cillian drew you closer, cradling your face tenderly between his palms. With a fierce intensity, he proclaimed, "I love you with all my heart, and you mean the world to me. I was an idiot, alright? I was afraid of my own feelings, but I am not anymore. I want you back and I want to make things right. Fuck the tabloids or what people might think about it. I no longer care. I just want you, alright?" Cillian declared, his eyes brimming with passion before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours, a slow, tender kiss that sent waves of longing coursing through your veins. The connection between you both was undeniably powerful, drawing out a moan from deep within your core.

"Take me to your apartment," you eventually whispered as, even in the corner you had chosen, people saw you kissing and making out. "I want to be alone with you," you said breathlessly, running your fingers through his hair, loving the feel of his skin beneath your touch.

Cillian grinned, kissing you once more before turning to head toward the fair's exit point. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go on some more rights first?" Cillian asked, seeing that there was so much more to explore.

"I am sure Cillian. I much rather ride you," you joked playfully, causing Cillian to laugh. 

"I should have seen that line coming," he chuckled before replying, "Alright, let's head to my apartment,” he told you and, with the promise of hot, steamy nights ahead, you both exited the Dublin Fair, holding hands tightly amidst the crowd. 

The cool night air tickled your skin, sending shivers down your spine as you both ventured toward his residence. As the streets became quieter, your anticipation grew.

“I missed you, you know?” you said, as hand in hand, you wandered the streets, causing Cillian to stop and pull you aside.

“I missed you too,” Cillian told you, holding your hands tightly before planting another kiss on your lips.