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animeniacss · 4 months ago

Note

hiiii are you taking requests? 🥹 i was wondering if you could write a fluffy second chance romance trope with mingyu x reader? 🫶🏻

I am so sorry this took a million years longer than I wanted! But it's all done and I hope you enjoy!! <3

Synopsis: Mingyu's job as an idol is very demanding, but you guys want to make it work.

Tags: Idol!Mingyu, Canon, Second Chances, Fluff, A bit of angst, Flashbacks

Length: approx. 3.2k words

Mingyu x Reader - The Good Easily Outweights the Bad

You were sitting on the couch, a book in your hand and a coffee on the end table. Your TV has been playing a shuffled mix of different songs, the ambiance changing from power ballads to Western indie pop, to whatever was the top-charting idol song in the past few weeks. You didn’t mind, though. It was a type of chaos you never minded, a type of chaos you preferred.

One that at times, you even missed.

A familiar rumbling of thunder came up on the television screen and you didn’t even need to look up from your book to feel your lips quirk up into a sad smile. When you did, however, it was just in time for the familiar piano sounds to click into view. A familiar chant was called into the screen, and the song began.

You set your book down, eyes focused solely on the song. MAESTRO by Seventeen was playing, their most recent comeback and it was one that frequently kept coming up in your song rotation. Mostly because you put it there.

Well, you and Kim Mingyu himself, that is.

“Have you seen it? Have you seen it?!” Mingyu was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he stood in front of your TV. You smiled up at him from the couch, lounged in your sweats and a large tee shirt - it was his - as he typed in the name of their newest video to the search bar.

“You told me to wait for you to come over, Gyu,” you said behind a giggle. Mingyu turned to you, laughing shyly as he remembered the request. Once the video was up, he walked to the couch, immediately plopping at your side and tugging you under his arm, resting his hand around your waist. Your eyes flickered up to him as the video began, amusement and fondness in your features as you turned back to the video.

Mingyu always liked playing his music when the two of you were together. Not because he was vain or expected praise, if anything it was the opposite. You would compliment his scenes and he’d blush; lopsided smile and all as he told you to ‘knock it off’. However, you never did, and he never protests under real stress. So, you assumed he played the videos because he liked being teased. And you liked to tease. It was good like that.

Mingyu hasn’t been to your apartment in a little over two weeks.

Not because you didn’t want him to be. You always wanted him to be. But it wasn’t possible, not the way it used to be. Mingyu’s job as an idol was demanding, especially with all of his success these past few years. From a brand ambassador who traveled the world, to a variety show participant, to a pop idol, Mingyu’s time was spread thin in his career. That meant little, if any, of that time was for you. And that killed you.

As the song came to an end, another was right on the horizon. It stayed like that for a good three or four songs, and you did not have the heart to change it. You made it louder. Maybe it was because it brought back good memories, of times when the two of you were still able to cuddle on the couch and watch music videos or TV until he had to go for the night. Or even better, until the two of you fell asleep on the couch and woke up in the middle of the night still cuddled up the way you had been.

You got up as the song changed once again, making your way into the kitchen. End tables and shelves were still littered with photos of the two of you, of you two with both his members and your friends. You knew after a month of not being involved with MIngyu anymore, you really should put them away. Not throw them out, but store them somewhere. But looking at them made you feel a bit of comfort, and you didn’t have enough time or money to go out knick-knack shopping for replacements. So there, the memories sat.

You opened the fridge, pulling out a tupperware of leftovers from the previous night. You popped open the plastic, the smell of leftover fried rice making your belly rumble and your mind race.

“Gyu, I’m starving, babe.” You whined, laying your head on the table. Mingyu chuckled from the counter, turning to look at the pan he was currently frying up rice in.

“I said we should order something in because it’s so late.” he reminded.

“But I haven’t seen you, and I missed your cooking.”

“And that is why I am currently in your kitchen, cooking.” He nodded. You sighed. “Ahh, don’t worry.” You heard footsteps crossing the little kitchen, and when you looked up from the table, Mingyu leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of your head. “It’ll be done in five minutes.”

“Alright, then I’ll set the table.” you said, getting up and heading over to your cabinets and grabbing two plates. You poked your head over at Mingyu as he returned to the cooking, smiling. “It smells good.”

Mingyu chuckled, almost shy at the compliment. “Thank you~.” he said.

Your fried rice wasn’t anything like his, but it was still good, and you popped it in the microwave to reheat. As you rested your hips on the counter, you scanned the empty apartment. It was usually empty, since you were the only one who lived there. But with Mingyu, it felt less empty. Not just because he was a towering gym rat who looked a bit beefier every time you saw him, but because his laugh echoed from the living room to the bedroom when he watched TV while you tried to sleep, or his shriek at the sight of a spider echoed from the balcony and most likely all the way back to HYBE.

Ready to Love started playing on the TV, and your eyes cast up to see the beginnings of the music video.

The beep of the microwave reclaimed your attention momentarily as you took out the food, grabbing a utensil and returning to the couch, nestling beside the book you left bent right down the middle as to not lose your place in it. The meal was quiet, minus the music playing on the TV. Most of them have been this past month when it was just you home for dinner. You popped the leftovers into your mouth, pursing your lips together.

“I have our first music show performance for maestro tomorrow.” Mingyu said, sliding his shoes on. “Why am I nervous?”

“You’re always nervous.” you chuckled, resting on the wall. “But you’ll do fine. I’ll be sure to vote, okay?” Mingyu turned to you and smiled.

“I’ll do my best if I know you’re watching.” He said. You nodded. “I’ll try to come by again soon, okay?”

“Don’t push yourself…” you said softly, and Mingyu’s smile dropped. Maybe it was because yours did as well, you could feel it in your face. He stepped closer, brushing some hair out of your face.

“I’ll try to come by again soon, okay?” he asked. “Our schedules are really packed but I will.”

“I know.” you said. Mingyu smiled, leaning down to offer a quick kiss. “I”ll text you when I get back home, and then go right back to sleep!” he pouted. “I don’t want to hear any of this nonsense that you were up all night gaming!”

“I won’t!”

“Wonwoo lives in my apartment, I will hear him.” he said. You laughed behind a hand, and Mingyu’s grin widened.

“Okay, okay. Goodnight, Gyu.” you said, watching as he grabbed the last of his things and headed out the door, offering one more glance and smile as he headed out the door.

His schedule really did pack up after that, from music shows to runways to modeling shoots. Everyone wanted a piece of Kim Mingyu, it seemed. Everyone including you. But you told yourself never to be selfish when it came to his career, it was in his life long before you. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Closing the tupperware, you returned to the kitchen and discarded it. Washing it would be a tomorrow you problem. You felt tired all of a sudden. You pressed your back onto the couch, finally clicking off the TV and really dropping the apartment into silence. Your book fell to the floor, but you left it, eyes cast up to the ceiling. Your felt your chest tighten, knowing tomorrow would be another day that Mingyu would be anywhere except here with you. You tried not to let it hurt, but God you just couldn’t help it.

“Think of something positive, something good.” You mumbled to yourself in the dim lighting of your apartment. You closed your eyes, rolling through the endless cavern of positive memories.

“It’s nice out tonight.” you said, leaning over the railing of your balcony and admiring the view. Mingyu had a few consecutive days off, and immediately rushed to spend them with you. You turned to him as he sipped a beer, resting comfortably on one of your outdoor chairs. He looked up at you and smiled.

“It is.” he said. After a second, he pulled out his phone, reaching up to angle it towards the sky. You stepped out of the way, allowing him uninterrupted access to the sky and stars above.

“Is this for Instagram?” you asked curiously. Mingyu laughed, his shoulder shaking a bit.

“Maybe.” he said. A few more taps on his phone, and without looking up, he moved his hand in your direction. You watched him motion for you to take a few steps towards him. “I want one of you.”

“What?” you asked. “You can’t post that.” Despite your protest, you were already shifting yourself.

“I won’t.” he assured. You tilted your head, but Mingyu only grinned. “Smile.”

“Gyu-.”

“I’ll be in Europe for a while…I want something to look at when I miss you.”

You felt your heart swell, a smile forming on your face as Mingyu snapped the picture. He turned it around to examine the results, nodding. “Perfect..”

When you took your next breath, it was shaky. Not the best memory to recall it seemed. They had just gone on their Europe trip, making appearances in both Paris for UNESCO and London for Glastonbury. Both of which were big opportunities, wonderful opportunities that Mingyu talked about endlessly with you when he and the other members found out. However, with rehearsals and travel preparations, your limited time with Mingyu decreased even more.

And then you had to do it.

“A break?” Mingyu asked. “Wh-why?”

“I just think it’s best.” you said softly. “You have a lot going on and I don’t want to tie you down.” You leaned back in your chair, sighing. “Just while your schedule is full. I want you to focus on that, and when-.” you paused. “If things calm down, then-.”

“When has that ever happened successfully?” Mingyu asked. There was no malice in his words, not even all that much hurt. He just genuinely sounded like he wanted to know when ‘a break’ has worked, as if knowing it has worked will make a difference in if it will this time.

“Gyu…” you sighed. “I just want you to do your job without anything tying you down…”

Mingyu didn’t put up much of a fight after that, finally agreeing that, for now, his focus should be on his upcoming intense schedules. He slipped on his shoes, turned to you with a smile and kiss goodbye as usual, and left the apartment. Neither of you have spoken since.

You felt your throat close up, wiping your eyes. Mingyu would be home from that schedule, if he wasn’t already. Usually, he’d fly directly to your apartment and cling to you for hours, maybe even all night.

“I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Gyu! Tell me everything!!”

That wouldn’t happen this time.

Just as you regained yourself, closing your eyes to try and get some sleep, there was a knock at your door. Your head snapped over, breath stilling. A second passed, and there was another knock, followed by a deep familiar voice calling out your name.

“M-mingyu?!” You called, sitting up. You swung your legs over the side of the couch, getting up and padding over to the door. In one swift motion the door was unlocked and flung open, Mingyu standing there out of breath. “What are you doing? Did…did you run here?”

“I had to.” he said. “I… we got back yesterday, I would have come then if I didn’t crash on the couch as soon as I got home and-.”

“Gyu, wait.” You said, reaching out to take his hand. “C-come in…come in…” Mingyu sighed, walking in and closing the door behind him. “You look so out of breath. Do you want water?”

“Ah, yes. Please…” he said. You spun to head into the kitchen, motioning him into the living room as he trudged in, plopping himself down. “Yeesh! I forgot how far your apartment is from me.” A chuckle escaped your lips as you grabbed a water bottle, walking over to the couch and passing it to him. “Thanks…” he cracked it open and took a long sip.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, not intending for it to come out as harsh at it did. Mingyu looked up at you, and that was when you saw a plastic bag at his side. Your features softened almost immediately at the familiar convenient store logo. His lips quirked up into a smile.

“It’s only been a few weeks. You know I bring our favorite convenient store meal every time I come back from a long trip.” He leaned over, opening the bag and pulling out chips, ice creams, rice balls, and ramen. You opened your mouth to speak, but Mingyu was already a step ahead. “I know what you said before I left…” he said. “I tried to stay away, or at least call and ask if I could come by. But…it just didn’t feel right to not come here right away.” he looked at you.

“Oh…”

He motioned the ramen cups to you. “I won’t stay long. But at least humor me and eat some, hm?”

With only a bit of leftover fried rice in your system, you were weak to refuse. Taking the cups, you returned to the kitchen one final time, Mingyu following behind the store the ice cream for later.

The kitchen was quiet as the two of you sat at the table, waiting for your ramen cups to cook. Mingyu drummed his finger along the table.

“I saw the photos.” you said quickly. “And the performances. You guys were amazing.”

MIngyu looked almost shocked. “You actually watched them?”

“Of course,” you chuckled. “I told you I would.”

“Yeah, but that was before…” Mingyu trailed off. You sighed, looking down at your hands.

“I know.” you said. “But I still promised.” Mingyu chuckled a bit. Another long silence, and you sighed.

“Mingyu, I’m sorry.” you said. His eyes shot up as the words tumbled out of your mouth a bit faster than you had intended, if you had intended at all. But they were out now. “I…was so stupid.”

“Stupid? No, come on now.” he said. “Don’t say that.”

“No, I was.” you said. “You make every effort to keep me in your life, even when you’re busy and I toss it all away for no reason.” you sighed. “The minute I said that we needed a break I wanted to take it back but I didn’t know if I could at that point.”

Mingyu was silent for a second, opening his ramen cup. The steam rose and hit his cheeks, and he smiled. Grabbing his chopsticks, he stirred, leaning back in his chair to talk. “I talked to Jeonghan and Shua about it while we were away.” he said. “And I had time to think about it myself, too.”

“Oh?” You frowned. Jeonghan and Joshua were his best friends, not yours. You knew if it was appropriate, they’d side with him in a heartbeat. And it was definitely appropriate. “What did they say?”

“Well.” he took a bite of his food and chewed, processing his thoughts before he said. “They told me that it made sense why you felt that way. And that neither of us are in the wrong, but both of us were stressed with my schedules.” He shrugged. “So, I told myself I’d give you space when I came back.” he smiled. “Wait until my schedules calmed a bit and then go from there.”

“So-.” you motioned to the ramen and snacks in the fridge. “Why didn’t you?”

He chuckled, a bit of pink on his cheeks as he replied: “I just missed you too much.”

You felt yoru breath catch in your throat at hose words, inhaling a deep breath. “I missed you too. Even though it’s only been a few weeks.” Mingyu chuckled.

“I know.” he said. “We’ve been apart longer, but for some reason these few weeks felt unbearable.” he set his chopsticks down, licking his lips. “Maybe because I’m usually so used to knowing that you’d be here when I got back.” You chuckled. “I was worried you’d slam the door in my face.”

“Oh, come on, what do you take me for?” you pouted, and Mingyu threw his head back to laugh.

“I know.” he assured. A deep breath. “I’d…like to try again, though.” he said. “I don’t want to be on a break.” he said. “If you really feel strongly about it…I won’t dare push you.” he shook his head. “But, regardless, I hope that until we figure everything out, I can still come by from time to time.”

“Ah, Gyu…” you sighed, finally reaching out to mix your own ramen. “I want to try again too.” His eyes sparkled a bit from across the table as he took another bite into his mouth. “Like I said, the minute I suggested it…I wanted to take it back. I’m sorry…”

Mingyu got up, ramen up and all, pulling him chair to your side and sitting beside you. When you looked up, he leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

“Just don’t let your ramen get cold, and I’ll forgive you.” he teased. “Or at the very least, give it to me.” You chuckled, resting against his shoulder.

“...So, tell me everything that happened in Europe.” you said, putting a bite of food in your mouth. “I heard your pants ripped.” He groaned.

“Do we have to start with that?” he asked, and you covered your mouth to laugh.

“I got these for you!!” Mingyu outstretched a convenient store bag in your direction. When you looked down, you saw ramen, chips, and ice cream inside. He had just gotten home from the Be the Sun tour the day before, and since you couldn’t meet him at the dorms or the airport, he promised to come to you once he was fully unpacked. “I thought we could snack and I’ll tell you all about the tour!”

You smiled, reaching out and taking the bag, setting it aside before pulling Mingyu into a tight hug. He immediately returned it, hands squeezing around your waist as he nestled into your hair. “I missed you so much.” he said.

“I missed you too, Gyu.” you said. Pulling back, you looked up at him. “Tell me everything!”

If you want to make a request you can read any little rules/notes in my request blog

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thedensworld · 2 months ago

Text

Location App | C.Hs

Pairing: Vernon x reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: You finally found the right function of the share location apps

Vernon isn’t a man of many words—he’s a man of action. He doesn’t tell you to quit your job at the event organizing company or give up your dreams of becoming a writer. Instead, he quietly hands you an allowance and pays for a writing course, making it clear that he's got your back. He even takes it a step further by personally checking in on your progress almost every day, making sure you're staying on track.

When it comes to food, Vernon doesn’t bother asking about your favorite dishes. He just brings everything you could possibly want to the table. You might crave vanilla ice cream tonight, but he’s already stocked up on both vanilla and chocolate for tomorrow’s cravings, always anticipating your needs before you even voice them. And each time, your heart swells with gratitude for the way he cares for you.

Vernon isn’t one to hang out much, either. Even when he does go out twice a week to catch up with his friends, he never stays long—two hours at most before he's back home. Without missing a beat, he slips into your arms, eager to share everything about his day, all while showering you with the little tokens of affection he picked up for you along the way.

“What’s wrong?” Vernon’s voice breaks through your thoughts, his brows furrowed in concern.

You blink at him, raising your eyebrows in surprise. “Why do you ask?”

“You seem restless. Are you in pain?” he asks, his eyes searching yours.

Every time he instinctively picks up on how you’re feeling or goes out of his way to make your life easier, you find yourself wanting to kiss him right then and there, overwhelmed by how effortlessly amazing he is as a boyfriend.

“What’s this?” you asked Vernon as he showed you an app he had just installed on your phone.

“It’s a shared location app. I’ll always know where you are, and you’ll know my location anytime you open it,” he explained, his tone casual.

Ever since you joined a writing course last year, you’ve started attending small gatherings with fellow authors, usually at libraries or cozy cafes.

“Since you’ve been going out more without me, I just want to make sure I know where you are,” Vernon added, his eyes glancing at yours for a reaction.

“You could always just text me,” you pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

“I know,” he replied, “but sometimes it’s better if you can have your day off without feeling the need to update me constantly. You should have fun and not worry about checking in.”

In the beginning, you found yourself using the app frequently, but after a few months, it slipped your mind. You could barely remember where the app was on your phone. Vernon, on the other hand, kept checking it now and then, making sure you were safe when you weren’t together. He never intruded but would casually ask about your day, subtly referencing the places you’d visited.

“How do you know?!” you exclaimed one afternoon when Vernon asked what you were doing at the flower shop near his work. You hadn’t mentioned anything because you were preparing a surprise for him.

“I saw your location this afternoon. I was surprised to see you so close by,” he admitted with a soft chuckle.

You grinned and pulled out a bouquet of flowers you had arranged just for him. “My friends and I attended a flower arrangement event, and I got these for you!”

His face softened, and he leaned in to kiss you. “Thanks, babe. I was actually planning to drop by and see you, but things got crazy at work. These are beautiful��thank you.”

With a warm smile, he kissed you again, and the simple moment of shared affection made you realize how much thought he put into even the smallest aspects of your relationship.

"Hey babe, I see you’re at the convenience store. Can you grab me a tampon and some sweets?" you called him, feeling curious after checking his location and noticing he was near her apartment.

“Yeah, I’m actually about to head over to see you and pick up your monthly essentials,” he replied smoothly.

"Babe, are you near the snack aisle? Could you grab me some chips, too?"

"Alright, love. Anything else?" he asked with a smile in his voice.

"A milkshake, please? Hehe."

"Snacks and a milkshake coming right up," he said, humoring your request.

“Wait, you’re at Kimbap Heaven? Can you swing by the pet shop two doors down? Kiwi hasn’t been eating her regular dry food!” you called after you found out he was out around Hongdae.

"Send me a list of everything you want me to grab, and I’ll get it done," he said, always efficient and patient.

You smiled, feeling so lucky to have someone who knew how to make even the smallest errands feel like an act of love.

As the days went by, you found yourself checking Vernon's location more and more. It became almost a habit. Whenever you craved something or needed him to pick up something, you'd open the app, locate him, and call him with your requests.

One evening, you were lying on the couch when you checked the app and noticed Vernon was at the grocery store. Without hesitation, you grabbed your phone and dialed him.

“Babe, can you pick up some ice cream? And maybe a few packs of those cookies I love?” you asked casually.

“Already got the cookies in the cart, but I’ll grab the ice cream for you now,” he replied, used to your requests by this point.

A few days later, you noticed him at the mall. Your mind immediately went to that cute hoodie you’d been eyeing. You picked up the phone again.

“Hey, babe, I see you’re at the mall. Could you stop by that clothing store and see if they have the hoodie I wanted in stock?”

“Sure, love. I’m already near that area. I’ll check it out.”

It became a little routine—wherever Vernon went, you’d check his location and call him to ask for favors. He never complained, always happy to run the errands or pick up whatever you needed. You loved how he made you feel so taken care of, and he seemed to enjoy it too, never missing a beat.

"Where is he?" you muttered, surprised when you couldn’t find Vernon’s location on the app. His profile was completely offline, leaving only yours visible on the map. You had texted him earlier, letting him know you’d be out with a friend, but that was over three hours ago, and he still hadn’t replied.

You didn’t want to call him. After all, you’d been asking for his help a lot through the location app lately. Maybe he had turned it off intentionally because he was busy, you thought, trying not to overthink it.

Just as you were about to distract yourself, the sound of your door unlocking caught your attention. Kiwi, your cat, sprinted toward the door, her sixth sense alerting her that only one person could be invading her territory—Vernon. Sure enough, he stepped in, holding Kiwi in one arm and a paper bag from your favorite bakery in the other.

You let out a squeal of excitement. "How did you know I wanted this?" you exclaimed, rushing over to grab the bag from his hands.

Vernon smiled warmly. "I saw your Instagram story where you said you missed the cake. I checked around and found a branch that still had some, so I picked one up for you."

Your heart melted on the spot. In a fit of affection, you scooped Kiwi from his arms and said, “Kiwi, listen carefully—Chwe Vernon is your only father. If anyone else claims they’re your dad, they’re lying!”

Vernon burst out laughing at your playful words, but then your mind drifted back to his location being turned off. Your smile faded into a pout as you looked at him.

“I couldn’t see your location today,” you told him, a little hint of disappointment in your voice.

“Ah, yeah, I turned it off,” he replied casually. “Why?”

“If I’d known you were on your way here, I would’ve asked you to grab some tissues,” you said, half-jokingly.

Vernon chuckled. "Tissues? I actually got you some in the car, i accidentally left them. I figured you were running low, so I picked some up yesterday."

Your eyes widened in surprise. “Really? Thank you! You always think of everything.”

He smiled softly, stepping closer. “Honestly, I like surprising you like this, getting what you need or want before you ask. That’s why I turned off my location today. It feels more special.”

You couldn’t help but smile back, feeling even more grateful for his thoughtful nature. He always managed to find ways to care for you in his own quiet, yet deeply meaningful, way.

"You want to get married, babe?" you asked playfully, your voice full of gratitude as you grinned up at Vernon. He let out a laugh, clearly amused by your sudden question.

“You want to marry me because of this?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Of course!” you exclaimed, holding up the bakery bag. “This is amazing! You shouldn’t underestimate your thoughtfulness and how considerate you are. It’s everything I could want.”

He chuckled again, shaking his head. “Alright, then,” he said, leaning in closer with a mischievous smile. “Let’s get married.”

Your heart fluttered, and for a moment, you both stood there, the playful banter hanging in the air. But behind the jokes, you couldn’t help but feel the warmth of what he’d just said linger, making the moment even sweeter.

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sweetiesicheng · 2 months ago

Text

vernon - movie night

word count : 560

every week, you and your upstairs neighbor have a movie night together. he's a film student, so it isn't surprising. vernon likes to write movie reviews, and he also likes to have a buddy with him. while he has great friends, he likes when you come by since he thinks your opinions are interesting.

after meeting each other in the elevator one day, the movie nights have been going on since last semester. it's been a lot of fun, even if you have to share your dinner with vernon. how has he lasted this long on eating bread all the time?

—

[ vernon ]

coming over?

[ y/n ]

i'm making dinner. be

up when i'm done.

[ vernon ]

cool.

—

you put your phone down and finish cooking your dinner. you grab a container and pack your food before throwing the container into a bag along with some snacks.

when you're ready to leave, you open a window and climb out of your apartment and onto the fire escape. you slide the window closed again and climb up to the unit above you.

"did you make some for me?" vernon asks when you make it up. he's standing by the already opened window inside his apartment.

"if i didn't, then you'd eat bread again," you reply as you hand him the bag. "i brought snacks too," you add.

"oh nice," he replies and opens the bag to peek inside while you climb into his apartment. "my professor said the movie is a good one," he mentions while going to the kitchen.

you slide the window closed. "hey, as long as it isn't scary, i'm down for any movie," you reply.

you join vernon in the kitchen and plate the food you cooked. vernon brings the plates over to the coffee table while you make yourself a cup of tea. once you're done, you sit down on the floor and start eating your dinner with vernon while the movie starts.

—

"thoughts?" vernon asks you as the credits start scrolling. he lets them play since there’s music playing and small clips that appear along with the credits.

you shrug, "meh."

"what? really?" he questions you, clearly surprised by your answer. "that's it?"

"i mean, i feel like it was a pretty average movie. i'm not a movie buff like you, but it's plot was pretty standard. the character development was better than most though," you say to vernon.

"but even if the plot was standard, everything surrounding it was good. i think everything around it made it better," vernon replies. "and come on, that scene in the factory was pretty dope."

you think about the movie some more. you hum, "okay, the factory scene was cool but think about everything else, vernon. i can think of like five other movies that remind me of this one. as i keep thinking about it—"

you don't get to finish your sentence. why? because vernon had leaned in and kissed you straight on the lips.

when he pulls back, he sits back on the couch with a grin while you sit there gobsmacked.

"did you kiss me so i would stop dissing the movie?" you ask him after a few seconds.

he chuckles, "maybe, but more because you looked too cute," he says to you.

"...just go write your discussion board..."

"can i kiss you again?" he asks.

"...yea."

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honeyboylovee · 7 months ago

Text

i can do it (for you)

Pairing: Non-idol!Vernon x reader

Word count: 1k

Genre: Fluff, Angst(just a little cos I can’t, for the life of me write angst), implied strangers to lovers

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, reader refuses to accept any help, mentions of negative experiences from the past

A/N: Before saying anything else, I have to say that I am not satisfied with the ending. But I really do not know how to end this. Also this is a little different from my previous works. This may or may not be written from personal experiences. Also, I did a little word play in the title if you guys notice that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading! Feedbacks are appreciated.

You believe yourself to be self-sufficient. It hadn’t always been this way. Several times in the past, there had been instances when you’d had to ask for people’s help- be it your peers, friends or your then-partners. And more times than not, these people, after helping you, made you feel like you owe them something. Their help started to feel like an obligation. You hated the feeling. You still do.

As you grew both mentally and emotionally, you stopped asking people for help. It wasn’t immediate. It took you time to get rid of. You wouldn’t care how difficult a task would be, you never asked for assistance or help. It was almost as if you had a point to prove. You didn’t know who you were proving it to, but you were.

This wasn’t a habit you were particularly proud of. You hated that you couldn’t trust someone enough to ask for help or accept the offered help. You hated that you were scared of people imposing an obligation on you. You hated it. And yet you did nothing about it.

That was until you met Vernon. You met him at a party. Your friend introduced him to you as her coworker. As you chatted, you discovered you had similar taste in music. And so the conversation flowed. You later discovered that you didn’t have a ride back home since your roommate left early. And it was too late for you to find a taxi. Vernon was quick to offer a ride back home. That’s when your habit of declining anybody and everybody’s help kicked in. You politely refused making a lame excuse. An excuse that you needed to sober up and so you’d walk back home. He didn’t want to push you on that. After all you’d just met. You ended up exchanging numbers with Vernon that day.

It was early on in your relationship when Vernon started noticing this habit of yours. He was observant when it came to your mannerisms. You loved and hated that at the same time. There had been an instance where he offered to bring you some lunch at your workplace. You had been late that day and hadn’t gotten the time to make any food. You had once again denied his offer.

‘I love the ramen from the cafe downstairs. I’ll just have that today.’, you’d told him.

You ended up eating two protein bars for lunch since you had a meeting at lunch and didn’t find the time or energy to go and have actual food.

Another time, it was a task as minuscule as tying your shoelaces. He noticed they were untied before you did. And so like any boyfriend(not all of them but that’s not the point) would, Vernon proceeded to bend down to tie them. That’s when his hands were stopped mid-air by your hands.

‘Wait wait wait…I’ll tie them’, you were quick to say as you beant down to tie your laces.

To say that he was dejected was an understatement. Man, he just wanted to tie his girlfriend’s shoelaces! Was that too much to ask for? As an ‘acts-of-service’ man that he was, he often became sad when you did that. He had to have a conversation with you soon.

As you reached home, he had been looking for an opportunity to start the conversation. He could see the opportunity from a hindsight when you complained about how sore your shoulders felt. He knew what he had to do then. He casually offered to massage them to make you feel better. And as he had expected, you refused. Frustration bubbled in him. But he managed to remain calm.

‘You never let me help you, lovie.’

He watched as your eyes widened for a second. Then, you were normal again.

‘That’s not true. They’re not that sore anyway. Maybe I just need some sleep and I’ll be fine.’

‘I’m not just talking about your shoulders. It’s just in general that you never accept any help from me or from anyone.’

Now you were the one getting frustrated. He could see it in the way you sighed. But he wasn’t going to leave the topic right now.

‘When have I ever refused any help from you?’, you said with a raised pitch to your voice. That was another indication that you’d lose your temper soon.

‘When have you not?’, he continued. He knew it was a tricky shot but he hit it anyway.

What he didn’t expect was the tears in your eyes following your prolonged silence. How could he forget? The raised pitch of your voice also meant you could cry soon. He was quickly on your side comforting you as you sobbed a little.

‘I don’t do it because I don’t want your help or because I think you can’t do a task.’, you spoke through your tears. ‘I just don’t want to be a burden on you. I have always done that to everyone around me. And…people, sometimes even my own friends made me feel like I owe them something even if they were the ones who offered to help me. It’s not the help that makes me anxious but the feeling after.’

You looked at him through your damp eyelashes. He was speechless, to say the least. When he decided to confront you about this, he hadn’t expected the reason to be that. Hell, he had even expected you to change the topic or make a poor excuse. His first instinct then was to engulf you in his arms till your sobs turned to sniffles.

‘You’re not a burden on me, lovie. You know I like helping you with chores, right? It makes me happy when I’m able to help you, be it making you food, tying your shoelaces or ordering your skincare for you. I feel zero burden doing that. Trust me, lovie.’, you listened to him as he poured his heart out, not looking at him.

You nodded then, not saying anything else.

‘What am I supposed to understand from that, hm?’

‘I’ll let you do some of the work from now.’, you said so softly that he would’ve missed it if he didn’t have all his attention on you.

‘You don’t need to ask for help. It’s good that you can do your work yourself. But if you ever need some, let me know, okay?’

#seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #vernon fluff #vernon x reader #seventeen #vernon #seventeen angst #vernon angst #seventeen imagines #vernon imagines #seventeen fics #vernon fics #fluff #angst #hansol #chwe vernon #fanfiction

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seokgyuu · 1 year ago

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heyyy hope you're having a good day

so imagine meeting Vernon's family for the first time. you were so nervous but his parents were really nice so you felt comfortable instantly, But as you had been tense for days you felt the need to get off, so when he showed you his childhood bedroom you needed him to fuck you right then and there. As y'all know Vernon is disciplined and wouldn't want you to misbehave either. but he finally agreed when you begged (how can he resist you) he didn't want you to make a sound tho... soo wall sex with Vernon in his childhood bedroom with his fam outside?

hii omg yes, thank you! I hope you are having a great day too!!! <3

interesting that you came to me about vernon since he is still up in challenge me and i haven't written anything about him yet BUT... i love it, hehe.

So, as a thank you for this, find a little bit more under the read more... hehe.

PAIRING: Vernon x Afab!Reader

WARNINGS: begging, slight degradation, use of pet names (baby, slut, whore), doggy, dirty talk, creampie

WORDCOUNT: 620

"You really are insatiable, aren't you, baby?" Vernon chuckles behind you. His body is pressed against yours, your breath stuck in your throat as you feel his member throb inside of you. He hasn't moved since he entered you, your hips wiggling, but he doesn't let you go. Instead he kisses your neck, sucks on the sensitive skin. Both of you are aware his family is outside. Both of you know it's risky. And yet, how could he ever say no to you, especially when you begged him to fuck you? Just the words alone: "Vernonie... I need your cock, please just fuck me, I'll be quiet!" had already been it for him.

"P-Please," you whined now, tears pooling in your eyes. Your boyfriend smirks against your skin, one hand that was holding you against the wall before now moves down and to your front, thumb pressing down on your sensitive clit.

"Really think you can take it? And be quiet, my little slut?" You nod rapidly and Vernon licks his lips before he finally does his first thrust, having you gasp. Your walls clench around him and he presses his face against your neck, hips now not able to stop from fucking into you. When he hears your first moan, he brings his other hand to your mouth, his cock drilling into you at even quicker speed. His mouth is dropped as he watches how his cock slides in and out of you, his orgasm not far. You had riled him up so bad and now you were here, your frontside pressed against the wall of his childhood bedroom, his cock deep inside your wet and needy pussy. Never could he say no to you, never could he resist knowing he had you in the room he used to sleep in, jerking off to images of you, his high school crush.

"Fuck, you're so tight and wet for me, baby, such a needly little whore, can't even wait until we're back home for me to fuck her." His words make your eyes roll back and you throw your hips against him, having him reposition you as a reaction. Now, he has your back arched, your hands prepped against the wall as he fucks you like this, one hand still on your mouth while the other is on your back, his cock hitting your sweet spot over and over again, sure to have you see stars in less than a few minutes. Your boyfriend throws his head back, a deep groan leaving him when he feels you pulsating around his length. You wanna scream, tell him to fill you up, but you know him well enough to know he will do so anyways. He always does what you need him to, even without you saying it.

And you're right - he continues his spiel, his hips at perfect speed and strength, his breath getting heavier, his groans becoming more desperate. When he feels you come undone around him, drool against his hand so close to drip down your chin, he can't help it anymore.

"Yeah, just like that, cum on my cock, baby. Milk me, fuck, gonna cum and fill you up so good, shit." He lets his hand wader to your hair, pulling you up against his chest as he finishes inside of you; hot perfect cum shooting inside of you, both of you riding your highs out with each other.

Once he slips out of you, he turns you around, his lips finding yours without any trouble.

"I love you," he whispers against your lips and you giggle.

"I love you too. Now, please get me something to clean myself up before your cum drips on your parent's carpet."

#asks #vernon x reader #vernon smut #hansol smut #svt smut #seventeen smut #hansol x reader #chwe hansol x reader #chwe vernon x reader #vernon fanfiction #vernon x you #hansol x you #vernon imagine #vernon au #hansol imagine #hansol au

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hvcmixtape · 1 year ago

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you've never watched studio ghibli before? don't worry, vernon can fix you.

pairing: vernon x reader; established relationship wc: 700 genre: fluff note: this is for @palajae! i am your @kflixnet secret writer! (and apologies that this is coming so late!) i am not familiar with enhypen, so i decided to make a short one-shot about vernon & studio ghibli. i hope you enjoy!

“Have you ever…”

“Have I ever what?” You don’t even look at him and you’re rolling your eyes. You pull the blanket higher on your lap as you press the down button multiple times. “C’mon, spit it out.”

That warrants a laugh from him. “I was going to say, have you ever watched any Studio Ghibli movies?”

Pursing your lips together, you shake your head. “No, I don’t think so,” you mutter, wracking your brain to try to think of any. “Spirited Away is one, right?”

“Yeah, have you watched it?” The shining light from the television set brings hope to his eyes. You sit in complete darkness, no one else in the apartment except the two of you. The popcorn in the bowl is almost done, with more kernels sitting at the bottom than the snack, and you haven’t even chosen a movie to watch.

Vernon’s feet rest on the coffee table, and you’re so thankful that 1) he’s wearing socks, and 2) all of the other food is packaged and unopened, like your favorite chocopies and the burgers he will inevitably inhale during the movie. You give him props for not eating them yet, considering he’s been waiting all day to eat them during your date night.

You shake your head again. “Nope. You know, why don’t we watch a scary movie? It’ll be fun! It’s going to be Halloween in a few days and it’ll get us in the holiday spirit!”

“You know they say that about Christmas, not Halloween?” Vernon sighs. “Doesn’t matter, I know how this will go.”

“And how will it go?” You turn your body facing toward him with an amused tilt of your head.

“You’ll put on a scary movie and say it’ll be okay, and then you’ll hold onto my strong arms and put your face behind my strong shoulders when it’s the scary parts. And then I have to watch the scary parts all by myself!”

Your whole body vibrates as you chuckle, taking one of his hands into both of yours. “I think you said you were strong, but I wasn’t sure. Won’t a strong man enjoy a horror movie?”

“A strong man can admit that he doesn’t like horror movies, and I don’t.” He plants a kiss on your cheek. “Back to Studio Ghibli, how come you haven’t watched any before?”

“I don’t know.” Your shoulders almost touch your earlobes when you shrug. “Just not part of my childhood. Why, when did you first watch a Studio Ghibli movie?”

Vernon taps the inside of your hand as he thinks, his eyes darting from one side to the other. “7th grade maybe? Ponyo was the first one I watched. You wouldn’t believe my pre-teen self; I was just running up to anyone to tell them about the animation. And I was begging my dad to cook me ramen and ham, it was crazy.”

The grin on your face grows wider and wider as you hear him talk. “And your favorite one?”

“Princess Mononoke, hands down. It’s realistic, but not because it’s fantasy. Does that make sense?” Vernon asks, rubbing the back of your knuckles with his thumb. “Realistic fantasy.”

“It does,” you nod, dipping your hand into the popcorn bowl and tossing a few into your mouth. A frown forms on your face when you can easily feel the plastic bottom of the bowl. “So what you’re trying to tell me is that you want to watch a Studio Ghibli film.”

His laughter brings him to putting his forehead on your shoulder. “Yes,” he says with the remainder of his chuckles tailing the end of the word. “We can watch Spirited Away since you haven’t watched it yet and that’s their most popular movie.”

“Okay,” you pull yourself away from Vernon, getting up on your feet. “You might want to warm up your burgers again so they’re ready to be eaten. I have to make some more popcorn anyway.”

He gets up beside you, gathering the paper bag of burgers in his right and slinging his left arm around your shoulders. “You are so smart. I love you and how you take care of me.”

“And I love you.”

#kfn: the exchange event #kflixnet #chwe hansol x reader #seventeen #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #hansol vernon chwe #seventeen fluff #vernon x reader #vernon svt

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kyeomniscient · 11 months ago

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seventeen ao3 fic recs pt. 3

pt. 1 (completed longer fics)

pt. 2 (completed mid-length fics, <50k words)

pt. 4 (incomplete fics)

compiled a list of shorter fics for those looking for quick reads! all fics here are completed and should be under 10k words, and i'll also be updating this as i go~

in order of descending word count, last updated 02/10/2024

Cowabunga Baby (verkyeom, 10k, completed)

it's a super rare pairing but the fic's really good! actor!dk x lifeguard!hansol dynamics work surprisingly well, and all in all it was a warm and fluffy summer beach romance filled with lots of love and laughs hehe

This Invisible String (Tying You to Me) (seoksoo, 9k, completed)

this might just be my favourite seoksoo fic ever, especially in terms of characterisation bc prince!jisoo x baker!seokmin fits them so well :"") so soft so sweet i loved it

Green (With Leaves) (soonhoon, 9k, completed)

super cute soonhoon fic :) really love it when the mcs have interesting professions and jihoon works at a flower shop in this one! their personalities fit the soonhoon dynamic so well and it was a vv enjoyable read

Sunflower, Vol. 6 (jeongcheol, 9k, completed)

coups is the sweetest here!! and jeonghan is so oblivious it's adorable

splinters of time (wonhui, 7k, completed)

give me a second (to forget i ever really meant it) (wonhoon, 7k, completed)

underrated duo, the softest

red ripe heart (cheolsoo, 7k, completed)

svt in the test kitchen was something i never knew i needed but alas, here we are :") the banter!! the tension!! the innuendoes!! i'd kill to see this actually happen, manifesting this as a gose ep asap

liar liar pants on fire (minwon, 6k, completed)

How to Attract a Bad Boy (The Kind of Guy Who Sucks at Everything) (seoksoo, 6k, completed)

this was hilarious and also joshua is as unhinged here as he is in gose

Back 2 U (AM 01:27) (minwon, 6k, completed)

welps

소나기 (minwon, 6k, completed)

historical au - this reminded me of 'til kingdom come by lightningbend, loved how the class difference played into their dynamics! really cute really wholesome

rites of spring (soonwoo, 6k, completed)

super cute soonwoo high school au! it's a mix of goofiness and tenderness that is so reflective of their dynamics - geguri writes the best soonwoo fics and that is a hill i will die on

treat me well (seokgyu, 5k, completed)

all flowers in time bend towards the sun (soonwoo, 4k, completed)

sweet, brief glimpses of soonwoo moments

enigma (minwon, 4k words, completed)

written by the same author who wrote love stuck! in essence, this was a uni au written for the nerds lmao and i loved it so much... super cute and creative and what better way to ask someone out than to use matrix cryptography?? there is NONE

smoking roses (jeongcheol, 3k, completed)

how op manages to encapsulate the yearning built over 10 years of history so succinctly within 3k words i'll never know

愁 (gyuhan, 3k words, completed)

softly come true (soonhoon, 3k words, completed)

soonyoung trying to mend things with jihoon is the most endearing thing to read ever

it's a date (verhan, 2k words, completed)

super adorable aquarium meet-cute - verhan isn't a common pairing so their dynamics were v refreshing!

sisyphean (soonwoo, 1k words, completed)

super cool fic about necromancy!

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gyusfavlibra · 2 years ago

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STRESSED | VERNON HANSOL

Pairings: idol!vernon x afab!reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+, unprotected sex, profanity, angst, fluff. Sexual language.

Word count: Idek

Proofread: nope :)

……………………………………………………………………………….

“Vernon?”

Your feet drags you through the hallway. The same furnished tunnel that separated your shared bedroom from your living room, kitchen, and the front door you just entered.

You had just finished another double shift at work. Missing hours a few weeks back because of a vacation you have previously took.

Your feet were sore, you body ached with not only pain, but tiredness if that makes sense.

Working as a coffee shop manager wasn’t easy. You had to keep track of times, workers, products, etc. It’s a heavy duty. And it’s every day of the week. So the first thing you wanna do during this weekend break you were approved of, was go straight home and rest. Preferably with your partner of two years.

“Vernon, you home?”

None of the calls you make of his name get a reply. Which was weird considering he texted you right before you left your work place saying he’d be down to have a movie night to make you feel better.

His idea.

The silence was loud until you reach the entry of your bedroom. Pushing open the rectangular door that blocked you.

Inside sits not only your clean room, but Vernon. Sitting at his desk playing video games. With headphones.

That explains the silence.

“Vernon, you hear me?”

The closer you get behind him, the more you can hear the screaming voices of his friends through the foamed ear muffs. You throw your tote bag onto the bed and flicker the light switch on the wall to get his attention.

Vernon’s body turns at lightning speed. When his brown orbs lay upon you, he can’t help but smile. He raises from the the black and green gaming chair, pulling the headphones off his head.

“Hey,” he greets you. His soft pink lips peck your temple right as a hand slips around ur waist to pull you close. “How was work?”

“Fine, I guess.”

Your response is followed with a shrug. Vernon takes note upon this and sighs. But he doesn’t say anything more. “I’m just tired.”

“Rest.”

“I will. Gonna make something first. Have you eaten yet?”

He shakes his head. “Wanna order something? It’ll be easier.”

The thought of ordering out instead of cooking a whole meal hadn’t even crossed your mind for some reason. But now that it has, the latter is definitely the way to go. Vernon whips his phone out his pocket. Opening a delivery app, then passing it to you.

“Get whatever you want. My treat.”

He kisses your lips, lightly, before turning back to the gaming station to continue. “You don’t wanna hangout?”

“Oh, uhm-“

The way his eyes travel to look at the computer shows he had forgot about the plans to relax together tonight. It totally slipped his mind the second his best friend messaged for some gaming time. “How about when food gets here?”

“But you said-“

“Just a minute, Dino,” he speaks over you. “When foods here. I promise.”

And then he’s gone. All his sense put back into the electronics with his friends. Leaving you to fend for yourself. Entertain yourself. All on your own.

You aren’t even gonna try to hide the disappointment that waves over your system. It was Vernon’s idea to have a night together when you got home from the stressful day of chaos you’ve dealt with.

And you appreciate his effort because you know he cares. But actions speak louder than words.

After putting in a order for not only yourself, but Vernon as well given that you know what he likes, you toss his phone on the large shared bed. Removing the converse on your feet, you grab a set of clothing to replace the uniform on your body. Heading into your bathroom to run yourself a nice bath. It’s the least you could settle for right now, but it works.

You make sure the water is more in the colder side to awaken your muscles. The fruity smell of your body soap fills the bathroom space. As well as your nose.

It doesn’t take long for you to finish, your bathing time followed by your nighttime routine. Vernon’s still in the game Even after the half hour you spent in the bathroom, settling yourself for the night.

Setting your dirty worn clothes of the day into a basket, you put away all your products and duck out the bathroom.

Vernon’s still in the same spot as before. You only push aside how upset you feel instead of prepping a whole big deal out of it.

You pull the dark comforter that lays on top on your mattress upwards so you can slide yourself under it. For minutes, you tried to occupy yourself watching his game that flashed on the desk monitor. Vernon speaking every few seconds to communicate with his teammates.

But that wasn’t enough to not feel bored and alone. Your hand flips your phone upwards so its screen is connected to your eyes. Of course you gotta adjust the brightness considering it being later in the night so the bedroom itself isn’t even bright enough to match how vibrant the display was.

You open Netflix in hoping to find a show or movie that’ll keep you interested enough to stay awake until food got here.

It definitely upsets you that you have to spend this time to make yourself feel more relaxed when Vernon usually helps you. You understand completely that he wants to play games with his friends, very understandable.

But you wished he had sorted his time and schedule a lot better. Instead, everything for the night has been switched around.

Of course there’s always tomorrow but after a good nights rest, you’ll probably feel better already. You wanted to spend time with him now.

Your saddened thoughts are interrupted by the sound of your home’s doorbell. Of course Vernon’s not gonna get the door so you retrieve yourself out of the bed and out of the bedroom.

Setting the given meals onto the kitchen counter, you call out Vernon’s name. Maybe if you’re loud enough, he can actually hear.

“Vernon! Foods here!”

You pull the containers out the plastic bag. “Vernon!”

A sigh leaves your lips. Now you have to drag yourself all the way back to your room just to get his attention off the screen and into yourself.

“Babe,” you call while tapping his shoulder. He pulls one of the headphones off and behind his ear. “Food’s here. Wanna go eat?”

“Oh, yeah give me a second.”

“Are we gonna watch something?” You ask. Your finger play with the hemming on the hood of his sweater.

“You still want to?”

The brows on your forehead, furrow. “Of course I want to. I’ve been waiting this whole time to watch a movie with you. It was your idea.”

“Why’re you getting mad?”

His hands raise from the keyboard. Almost like he was trying defend his own self.

“I-I’m not. I’m just saying.”

“Okay, why don’t you set up a movie for us and I’ll be right out there. Hm?”

You nod with hesitancy. Questioning whether or not he’ll actually be out there anytime soon. But watching him leave the game lobby was A answer on its own.

“Guys, guys, I got to go. Y/n’s not having the best day and I promised I’d spend time with her.”

You set up Netflix on the living room tv. Setting the plates of your food into the cute coffee table that sits on this vintage rug Vernon’s mother gifted you at Christmas the previous year. You also grab a large fluffy blanket from the hallway closet.

The bedroom door opens with a squeak. Vernon comes marching out in a new set of clothes. Just a tshirt and some pajama pants.

“Food smells good.”

You nod in agreement. Vernon pretty much collapses onto the dark grey L shaped sofa. Adjusting the blanket to lay across his man spread legs. “Want a drink?”

“Mhm. Thanks.”

You hand him one of the two cokes from the fridge, settling next to him. Usually you’d be a lot closer than what it seems, and Vernon noticed the distance between you two.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“C’mere,” he pulls at your elbow. Using it against you to pull your body into his own. Your knees prop onto the couch. His arm swoops around so it lays across your chest. And you cling to it like you never wanna let it go. Because you really don’t. “Talk to me.”

“Huh?”

“Did I do something?”

“No- it’s not like that. I’m just tired,” you speak softly.

“Then why are you mad at me?”

The debate between letting this go now that your together or actually telling him why you’re truly upset with him. Either way the vibes will be ruined in your eyes.

“I’m not mad, I promise. It’s just- todays been super stressful. And you told me that when I got home, we could watch a movie and spend time together.”

“I did, yeah.”

“But I come home and you’re playing video games, leaving me to wonder whether you actually wanted to be by me, or not.”

His heart breaks. He understands exactly what you’re saying. Because he did say he’d be right there to make you feel better when you got home. And he won’t deny that. But he hadn’t noticed he had been leaving you out.

“And then you say we can hangout when foods here.“

“Y/n-“

“…and I had to practically beg you to come out here when it was you, who told me we’d have this time together.”

“Hey, I know. I hear you.”

“I know this is probably dramatic. But I’m stressed. And I want to be by you. It makes me feel better. But I want you to want to be by me too.”

All of this open his eyes. He made you feel so alone. And in no way, shape, or form, did He find any of this to be dramatic. Far from it. You find Vernon as your home. Your comfort. You are just as well for me. And you’re always there to hear about his stressful work days. Holding him when he feels like crying, hugging him when he needs to comfort. It’s only fair to him, that he does the EXACT same for you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. It sorta slipped my mind. But that’s no excuse.”

You lift your head so your eyes meet.

“I’m sorry.”

He bends his head forward to peck your soft bubbly cheeks. Once, twice, three times. Each kiss followed by another apology. It only makes you giggle. “Okay, okay!”

You try to pull away but he calls your name which pauses your movements. “Hey, I really am sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re here right now and I’m feeling so much better already.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, cause I got food,” you joke. Vernon jerks your body against his which make you giggle.

“Oh really?”

“No, no. I’m kidding. I promise.”

He only hums in response. Instead of giving any word, he leans down to kiss your smiling lips. You reciprocate. It’s passionate at first. Slow. And super soft. You can feel the love in it. Both of you can.

But the second he mumbles “I love you” against your lips, it starts to get more heated than the passing kisses. The pressure of your mouth are a lot more compressed and hard than the softer and peck-like ones from before. And it grows more heavy by each second.

The position isn’t all that. Both of your necks are craned so its not all that comfortable.

You pull away to sit on your knees, turning to his body so your face to face. You lay a leg over his thigh so you can set yourself in his lap.

A hand of his holds your waist, but under your shirt so he can feel your skin. You pull him so your chests touch, reconnecting your lips.

Your hands trace his biceps and up to his shoulders where you grip on them tightly.

Vernon’s bulge is so obvious in the pajama pants he’s wearing. You can trace it with just your mind and the feeling between you. You lift yourself just a tad bit. But it was more like a grind. So you both could feel the desperate feeling that was racing in your veins.

His hand on your waist guides your hips at this point because your too focused on his lips that doing it on your own, its a little sloppy.

His covered erection rubs so perfectly against your wet heat. And for a second you think Vernon isn’t enjoying this because he stops kissing you, stops your hip movements, and places his head against your shoulder.

“Wait, wait. Stop,” he whispers. Moving his head right away to look you in the eyes. “We dont have to have sex tonight. We can just watch the movie.”

“No- I want to. I really want to.”

“Are you sure? Because we can just cuddle now and do this another time.”

Your stomach turns. “Do you not want me?”

“No, of course I do. I do. But I don’t want you to do this because of me. I know you had a bad day so if you wanna just relax, we can just relax.”

“Vernon, I really want you. I really do. Okay?”

He chuckles, “Okay.”

Vernon holds your waist even tighter so he can flip you on the couch. That way your pinned into the sofa while he hovers above you. He presses his lips even harder than ever on yours. Lifting your (his) t-shirt so your stomach is revealed to him. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah,” he says with a smirk.

Vernon trails a hand from your covered breast to the waistband of her pajama shorts. Your breath shudders. You couldn’t even remember the last time Vernon touching you made your breath hitch the way it is right now. To be fair, you haven’t been TOO intimate lately because of your busy schedules so maybe that just the reason. Its been just quick morning sex and then you both go on in the days like nothing happened. Obviously still affectionate but again, its the in bed affection that makes this so intimate right now.

Vernon’s lips trace the outline of your jaw just as his hand slips into your bottoms. Under the shorts AND your under wear, right to the place thats needed the most.

“Relax baby.”

His finger slide in between your soaking desperate walls. Your thighs twitch. The direct contact already making you feel so overstimulated.

He rubs circles right on your clit. At the same time as sucking little marks behind your ear. Its your sweet spot. He knew that better than anything. “Can I put them in?”

“Please.”

Not another word needed before he slips his pointy and middle finger inside you. Pumping them in and out at a pace that satisfies you enough to already feel your high coming. Thats how great Vernon made you feel. He thrusts his bulge against your opened up thigh. Giving himself some friction while focusing on making you cum.

Vernon knows to listen to your body. The language, the speed of your breathing, the height and volume of your moans as well as the space in between each of them. For example, when he angles his fingers just perfectly that your moans are now higher pitched.

So when you finally reach your climax, Vernon’s already ripping your bottoms off your body along with his own. He presses two quick kisses to your mouth before grabbing his rock hard cock into his hand and slapping your plumped lips with it. You body jolts at this sudden action.

“You sore?”

“No, no. I’m feel great. Just still coming down.”

He pauses all his movements. “Want me to wait?”

You hum with a shake of your head. “I still want you.”

“You sure. We can stop now if its too much,” he says with assurance. Thats one of your favorite things about Vernon is no matter how certain you sound, he’ll always continue to make sure thing okay. He’ll never push you to go any farther if you were sure.

“I dont wanna stop. I’m okay, I promise.”

Vernon kisses your temple. And holds his lips there as he sinks himself into you as slowly and sweetly as possible.

You moan into his shoulder while gripping his biceps. The stretch gets you every time. Not super painful but when slips in so slowly, you can feel the curve of every vein on his cock. “You okay?”

“Perfect.”

Vernon grips your thigh to lift it over his waist. Giving more access to your center to thrust more easily. He hits a spot so quickly that your nails are creating moon crescents into his skin even with the short sleeves covering his skin.

Your gummy walls suck Vernon in so nicely that now his own breath is shuddering against your skin. This dint even fucking in either of your eyes. This is your way of making love to each other. And you loved being able to do so with someone who cares so much for you.

He places a strong hand onto your breast and squeezes it through the green bra that covers your skin. The contact makes your high approach even faster than before.

A echoed moan travels through the room and it hits his ears so magically. “You like that? When I touch you?”

“I love it. I love it so much.”

Vernon can feel his high approaching rapidly. With every kiss, every touch, every thrust, it makes him wanna come undone. Smashing your lips together to swallow every moan you expose because of him is like taking a pill. You’re his drug. Everything he needs.

“Fuck- I love you so much, Y/n.”

“I love you too.”

“Say it again.”

And you do. And when asks you to say it again, you do. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum. You’re gonna came me cum, Y/n.”

“Me too, Nonnie.”

His hand leaves your breast to circle your clit once again. “Oh, I’m-“

“Do it for me.”

You hold his lips to your own as you climax subdues your entire body. And just the sight on your beautiful body shaking over your orgasm has Vernon cumming as well and painting your insides with white liquid strings. “Fuck, fuck.”

His hips don’t stop until your high are long over and done. Vernon kisses your lips once more before pulling out of you while resting his head on your own. “You okay? You feel okay?”

You smile. “I feel amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely,” you nod with a little giggle escaping with your words. Vernon retrieves both of your bottoms from the floor and put them back on your bodies. More gently for you than his own self.

“I’ll warm up the food and we can watch that movie.”

Those words make your heart flutter. You nod while Vernon stands from the couch, bends down to peck your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

And then he’s off to the kitchen warming up your dinner while you start the movie.

#kpop imagines #vernon #hansol vernon chwe #seventeen fluff #vernon smut #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagines #vernon seventeen #vernon x reader #vernon fanfic #seventeen vernon #vernon chwe #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine

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lockburn-castle · 2 months ago

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i need help deciding who will be the main male lead in my new fic

i wanna choose someone i havent written for yet (im leaning more towards minghao and joshua) but let me know what you think !

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midnightstay-blog · 9 months ago

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Heyy, saw your prompts post and thought it would be really nice if I could request the prompts 13+31+39 angst to fluff with Seventeen Vernon.

Thanks so much, I think you're really talented. 💙

Sure no problem. Thank you so much 😊 I hope you like it. I kinda got carried away a little bit while writing. 🙈 There were many different ways that I wanted to end this one🙂 .

💫We could be more?💫 (Requested)

Genre: Vernon x gender-neutral reader

Theme: Friends to lovers

Summary: Vernon returns home to see his childhood friend but everything changes after one afternoon.

Rating: G

Word Total:1,763

“Do you ever think about what life would be like for us if things were different?” Vernon questions.

“Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if we were lobsters.” You answer honestly.

Vernon lets out a laugh as he continues to push you on the tire swing. You guys had been friends for as long as you could remember. Always attached at the hip you too. So much so that even your moms thought you were dating at one point. Though you both shut that idea down as quickly as possible, Vernon’s mind couldn’t help but wonder sometimes, especially on days like today. It was warmer than normal one of those fluke days that you get in the middle of winter when it’s 65 degrees and everyone is in some form of a dress or shorts etc. You guys had just finished eating lunch when you asked if he wanted to go into the backyard and see the old tree house to which he agreed. This was the first time in a while since he’d been home after moving to Korea and becoming part of seventeen. He was currently on tour with the rest of the members but stopped in your city and by your house while on their break. Though you were proud of him and all he had accomplished you still couldn’t help but miss him a lot. “Even if we were lobsters, I’d still choose you.” He stated making your grin widen. “Seriously though, do you?” He inquires.

“Not really” you say with a shrug. “I try not to focus so much on the what if’s ya’know live in the moment.”

He nods understandingly. Eventually, you peel yourself from the swing and he takes your place. As you begin to push him your mind begins to mull over his words from seconds ago. What did he mean by different? Like if you never became friends different or if he never moved away different. Eventually, you begin to get so lost in though that you don’t notice that the swing had stopped moving. Feeling a slight tap on your shoulder you come back to your senses. When you finally look at him again the gap between you has closed a little and your heart starts to pound in your chest. For a moment you two stay like that until he speaks up.

“Where did you go?” Vernon inquired. Shaking your head, you place a smile on your features before backing away from him and making your way back inside towards the living room. He follows shortly after you confusion radiating across his.

“Did I say something wrong?” he inquires joining you in the living room moments later.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong it’s just- “You pause for a moment.

“Just what?” “what’s going on?” He inquires concern lightly laced in his tone.

You hesitate for a moment weighing your options before finally speaking up.

“Do you not want to be friends anymore?” you question taking a step back from him. “W-what no what gave you that idea? He questioned.

“Well, you were the one asking about what if our lives were different and I just thought you meant-.”

“That wasn’t where I was going with that at all.” He stated cutting you off mid-sentence. “I just meant what if things between us were different that’s all.”

“Oh.” You stated feeling a bit embarrassed. " never mind forget I said anything ." " I just thought-" "Never mind it's dumb," you say dismissively waving your hand.

" Thought what?" he prodded.

"Thought nothing it's fine really" You state before sitting on the couch and turning on the tv.

Sound pours from the sound system and for a while it's the only sound in the room. However, Vernon has no intention of letting the situation go so he speaks up.

" I don't get why you just can't tell me what you were gonna say." he says while plopping onto the couch next to you.

"Because it's not important." You tell him with annoyance laced in your tone. With that he drops it though eventually, curiosity gets the better of you, and about 30 minutes later you turn the TV down and turn to face him.

“Different how exactly?“ you question.

In that moment you could feel your heart beginning to race.

Before he could answer he was interrupted by Hoshi entering the room. “Hey Vernon Shua called they need us back at the hotel to go over tomorrow’s schedule changes.” Vernon takes a breath before turning to Hoshi. “Dude, can you give me minute” he asks. Hoshi nods before going into the other room. Turning back towards you he stands from the couch. “I just meant if you ever considered us being more than just friends that’s all”. “Like us dating…?” Silence fills the room for what feels like almost a suffocating amount of time. In that moment you follow his lead standing from the couch. Before you speak up again. “Vernon… we’re just friends you-”

“We are more than just friends and you fucking know it.” He states. “What about all those late-night phone calls?” “When you said that you couldn’t wait for me to be here.” “Just moments ago, when we were in your backyard.” You could tell he was getting upset. “Friends don’t call each other and stay on the phone all night talking the way that we do.” Friends don’t take the time to send good morning and goodnight texts every day.” “Friends don’t feel the way that you make me do.” he finishes.

The two of you stand in silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry I just don’t feel that way.” You tell him.

He takes a moment before responding letting your words pierce his chest one by one. Before he knows it, sadness begins to fill him. “You’re telling me the whole time we’ve been friends the idea hasn’t crossed your mind not even once.”

“I mean the idea has crossed my mind once or twice but that was when we were kids it was a different time then.” You lie.

It’s not that the idea never crossed your mind if you were being honest with yourself. You just never thought he’d feel the same so you convinced yourself to push down your feelings so you wouldn’t lose him. A few more moments passed before Hoshi began calling again. Feeling defeated Vernon backs away and begins to exit leaving for the hotel. For a while you stand there for a moment letting the events replay in your mind before finally making your way up to your room. Some time passes and before you knew it it was dark, and you had missed dinner. Noticing your absence your mom comes up to check on you.

“Hey, are you okay you’ve been up here a while” She states while entering.

“I’m fine” you say trying to convince yourself more so than her.

“Sweetheart what’s wrong You’ve been really quiet since Vernon left.” “Did something happen?”

Sitting up in your bed you let out a sigh of frustration before opening up to her. “I just- I just wish he didn’t have to go and make things all weird between us. “

“Weird how exactly?” She inquired.

“He basically told me that he had feelings for me.”

“And? She questioned.

“What do you mean and does everyone see it but me?”

“Baby that boy has been down bad for you since the day y’all met in second grade.” “Besides I always figured that y’all would end up together eventually since you were always so close.” She explained.

Rubbing you face in exhaustion you sigh again before laying back down.

“Just be honest with him and if he’s really your friend he’ll except your feelings and the rest will work itself out eventually.” She advised.

Thanking her she response with a brief “no problem” before returning to the kitchen. Rolling over you continue to lay there for a while taking in Vernon’s words from earlier. “Friends don’t feel the way you make me feel.” Letting out a groan in frustration you pick up your phone and attempt to call him. The line rings a few times but eventually it goes to voice mail. Eventually you give up on calling him and decide to check with Joshua. He texts you the address for their rehearsal venue and you begin to head over there.

Once there you briefly contemplate turning around and going back home before you see Vernon standing outside the venue. It’s colder now since the temperature and dropped and you could see his breathe in the air. Walking up to him you stand there for a bit neither of you really sure of what to say to the other. Before you know it, words start to tumble out like a water over a cliff.

“I lied” you stated.

He goes to question what you mean but you cut him off.

“I lied when I said that I didn’t see you as more than a friend.” “If I’m being honest with myself like really honest, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.” “I just was too afraid to tell you because I like what we have, and I like having you as a friend and to lose that would be really hard.” “Also, I completely understand if you never wanted to be friends with me after this.” you finish.

He stands there for a moment letting your words soak in. For a brief second you think he’s going to tell you to leave until he begins to crack a smile. Soon laughter follows and before you know it, he is doubled over.

“Why are you laughing” You whine.

Eventually he calms down and just continues to smile at you before walking over to you and grabbing your hands.

“You look so cute when you’re worried.” he says caressing your face with his hand.

“Vernon…” You say with a whine.

He looks at you for a moment silently accepting your feelings before he smiles and pulls you in for a kiss. You stay like that for a while before a fountain of cheers erupted from behind you. Breaking the kiss, you see the other members standing in the doorway cheering you on.

Eventually, they disperse and return to rehearsing, and you turn back to Vernon.

“we’re gonna have to figure out how this is gonna work.” “Especially since you leave soon.” You tell him while looking into his eyes.

“we’ll figure it out “ he states smiling.

#midnightstay blog #vernon x reader #vernon scenarios #vernon seventeen #vernon svt #vernon chwe #vernon fluff #vernon fanfiction #seventeen x reader #chwe hansol x reader #hansol vernon chwe #vernon angst

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animeniacss · 3 months ago

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Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 15 - It Was Perfect

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 9.6k words

Chapter 15 - It Was Perfect

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17

Most kids know very little, if anything, about the day they were born. Not Joshua Hong. Born late in the night of December 30th, Joshua was not breathing for a good minute after birth. Doctors tried everything to get him to cry, warming him up in blankets so he wouldn’t turn blue while his parents screamed and begged them to save their child.

The doctors said that the second he took his first breath, the minute his cries mixed with the hysteric sobs of his mother, it began snowing. In Los Angeles.

It was truly a perfect day, as it would be for any new parents in 1995.

Joshua Hong knew that before him, his parents went through 4 pregnancy losses in 3 years, and tried in just as many years before that. He was never sure why he was the one God picked to enter the world, but his parents didn’t care. He was their first and only son. Their miracle.

He was perfect.

His father would share with every customer in his restaurant the story of his son’s miracle birth, his mother squealing about it on every birthday and in every book club. Joshua was so perfect, they stopped trying for any more kids after that. Why keep going, after so much heartbreak and grief, when the child that made it into their arms was all they ever asked for in the first place?

It. Was. Perfect.

Growing up affluent gave Joshua access to everything he could ever want. His room was littered with so many books that he could read by age 2. He was strumming Fischer Price guitars with such artistic rhythm, a real one was given as a gift when he turned five. His parents said he was the reason they started going back to church, their faith in God restored after he came into their lives. Joshua never thought it was a problem. He loved his family; he loved his childhood. It was all perfect. Joshua Hong, only child of a successful restaurant owner and college professor, was perfect.

Perfect was his favorite word back then. He knew it had 2 syllables and started with the /p/ sound before he could even hold a pencil correctly. He could read the word by age 3, and spell it by age 4.

Joshua heard his name and ‘perfect’ in the same sentence for most of his life, he thought that they were the exact same word. When he learned that they were in fact not, he was devastated in the way only a four-year-old could be about something so trivial.

The part of Los Angeles the Hong’s grew up in had few Asian-Americans, much less Korean-Americans. In school, he was the model student – the perfect student – the ever-revered ‘I love how Joshua is being a good example’ student that others should be modeling their behavior after. However, with his intellect and perceptiveness, it didn’t take him long to realize he was different; far beyond the brains tucked away in his skull and the decorum of a prince.

Even in the LA sun, his skin was paler than the other kids. He spoke two languages while most only spoke one – or one and a half. He didn’t go to school on Chuseok, and he always brought ‘weird’ Korean meals to school. In third grade, the meanest kid in class, Ryan Sharp asked him what stunk in his lunchbox, and got the entire lunch table to scream when he revealed it to be kimchi and rice. It wasn’t perfect to them, it was “disgusting!” to them. So, he told the one person who could help him fix the problem.

“Can I bring peanut butter and jelly to school tomorrow?”

He remembered his mom turning around as he completed school work at the table. “Why?”

“The kids in school tease me when I bring kimchi or bulgogi. I want to just bring peanut butter and jelly.”

His mother crossed her arms and looked at him. “Joshua Hong. You don’t let those other children tease you like that. They don’t know any better. You should teach them about the food so they know more about it.”

“I don’t think they’ll listen, Mom.”

“Then that’s on them.” She said. “You know you’re perfect just as you are, right? Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

Joshua’s pencil stopped for a second, before nodding. “Yes, Mom.”

In fifth grade, Ryan Sharp got in trouble for saying something about Joshua being the smartest kid in class because he was Asian. Joshua was given a handwritten apology letter, but he knew Ryan didn’t mean it. Joshua didn’t realize that he was playing into a stereotype, he just thought it was because he was perfect. Wasn’t he?

It continued; Joshua being called ‘gay’ because he tried – and failed – to play house at recess with the girls rather than football with the boys. The only time Joshua saw victory was when Ryan got suspended for three days and lost recess for a month after he pushed Joshua in a puddle of mud after a rain storm and ruined his favorite shoes.

If Joshua’s parents were right, and he was truly perfect, then why did he spend the first 5 years of school being ostracized as the token ‘weird, smart kid?’ Why did the other kids avoid him on the playground? Why were his only friends the ones his mother forced him to sit by at church, and during Sunday school? The older Joshua got, the more he knew that he wanted to be perfect, that he had to be perfect. How could someone like Ryan Sharp torment him if he was perfect in everything? One letter off or not, Joshua would be perfect.

The summer before sixth grade, the Hong’s moved closer to the college his mother taught at, and his father had managed to open a second location of his restaurant. The location they settled into had a much higher Asian American population, located right beside the Staples Center. New location; new Joshua; a new chance to be perfect. It was fool proof.

Joshua’s middle school career was spent at the top of his class. He never missed a test or a quiz, never saw less than a 100 on his papers. He was in every school club you could think of: led the student council, dressed as one of the school mascots in every middle school pep rally, and led the junior debate team to victory for all three years.

Joshua’s reputation preceded him and left him the subject of many female eyes in the halls. He got the most Valentine’s every year, and he didn’t go to the eighth-grade dance alone. His AIM was filled with less than threes for hearts, and he never knew the pain of a break-up. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. He was living the perfect, ideal, American pre-teen dream.

At least, that’s what everyone thought.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

The first all-nighter was the night before his 7th grade junior debate meeting. He had a history quiz in the morning, and needed to finish his one-page paper on Bridge to Terabithia. At twelve, time passed in a blur, and he could barely feel the bags under his eyes until his mother pointed them out. He took his daily vitamin, ate breakfast, and was out the door to succeed in all three tasks. The junior debate team saw victory, he got 100 percent on his history quiz, and a 105 on his essay because he added more pages than required. Perfect. All achievements were met with the same three lines:

“That’s my boy. Do you guys see my boy?!”

“Isn’t he perfect?”

“He is our miracle. We’re just so lucky!”

His parents always had something to tell their friends and family about, and that, to him, was perfect.

That is, until he started 9th grade and Joshua entered the world of high school.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

13-year-old Joshua stepped into his geometry class, a sophomore class, his friend Johnny standing at his side. Johnny was a transfer from Chicago, moved right next door to Joshua that summer and the duo became fast friends. “I heard this teacher is really hard. Why didn’t you just take the freshman algebra class?”

“Because it’s too easy.” Joshua said simply. Johnny rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you in History. We have the same class, right?”

“Mhm. And lunch.” He smirked. “I heard Megan’s in our lunch.”

“Oh?” Johnny nodded, a smirk on his face. “…Why are you looking at me like that?”

“She’s had a thing for you like all summer. You need to ask her out.” Joshua was now the one to roll his eyes.

“It’s 7:30 in the morning. I don’t want to talk about dating this early in the morning.” Johnny snorted, but conceded. “See you later.” Waving Johnny off, Joshua made his way into the first class of the day and nestled into the front seat.

He twirled a pencil in his fingers and watched as the rest of the students filed in, waving to some that he recognized from middle school, and saying polite hellos to the ones he didn’t. Just as the first bell rang and teenagers began sprinting to class, Mr. Clark entered, hand rubbing a salt and pepper beard as he set a weathered briefcase down on the front table. Joshua’s eyes darted to the male that slipped in behind him and his eyes widened. He gripped the pencil in his hand so hard he thought it might snap in two.

Behind Mr. Clark was a stunning male. He was young, most likely in his early twenties, with curly blonde hair and grassy green eyes. Joshua’s eyes caught a mole under his nose that folded under the skin when he smiled. Joshua’s heart felt it was racing a mile a minute as the man stepped into the room, standing at Mr. Clark’s side.

“This is Mr. Daugherty. He’ll be my student teacher this year. Don’t be an embarrassment.”

Joshua was fucked.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Mr. Daugherty spent the first quarter simply observing Mr. Clark. Joshua could handle that. As, summer turned to fall, Joshua was able to keep his head buried in his textbook and not worry about the very handsome – no, no, shut the fuck up Joshua – the very not handsome man sitting on the other side of the room, typing away on his computer and occasionally walking among the aisles to help students that asked. Joshua overheard the girls behind him whispering about how handsome he was, and Joshua wanted to slam his face into his desk every time he found himself agreeing.

“Oh, Joshua.”

“Huh?!” Joshua’s eyes snapped up to see Mr. Daugherty standing over him, smiling. He was pointing to one of the problems Joshua was working on. “Oh…”

“You computed this wrong. Do you need help?”

“No.” Joshua said, maybe a bit too quickly. “No.”

The blonde looked a bit taken back by Joshua’s response, but hoping to be professional, simply nodded his head with a small smile. “Okay. Holler if you do.” And without another word, Mr. Daughtery was off to check on the next student. Joshua looked down at the math problem, erasing the mistake and fixing it. His eyes darted up to the clock. 30 more minutes to go and Mr. Daughtery was already making his way back up the aisle again.

Joshua’s Study Hall period that day was spent doing the most important studying of his life. Tucked into the corner of the library, he was hunched over his laptop as he typed ‘Am I gay?’ into the computer search bar. His screen was flooded with Buzzfeed quizzes and YouTube videos titled ’10 Ways to Tell if You’re Gay!!! (NOT clickbait)”. The farther he scrolled, the more the dread sank in. He clicked the quiz.

Have you ever thought about men romantically? YES/NO Have you ever thought about women romantically? YES/NO How does the picture below make you feel?

“Oh what?!” Joshua slammed the screen of his laptop down when a very explicit photo of a shirtless man on the beach appeared on his screen and made his cheeks explode a very, cherry red. He covered his face, leaning back in his chair. What am I going to do? He thought. This can’t be. It can’t, it can’t, it can’t.

What will my parents say? They’ll flip out. They’re already pro-abstinence until marriage if I tell them any of this, true or not, they’ll…they’ll….

“The hell are you doing, Josh?” He sat up from his seat, looking to see Johnny sitting across from him. “Oh. You okay?” Johnny asked. A quick nod and wipe of his eyes was all he could respond with. Staring ahead, he blinked a few times. “Josh…Why are you staring at me?”

“Johnny, can you drive?”

“Uh, my dad lets me drive the truck in empty parking lots sometimes. Why?”

Joshua ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. “Please run me over with it. If it doesn’t kill me the first time, floor it.” Johnny laughed, but immediately saw that his friend was not amused. “I’m serious.”

“Dude…” Johnny frowned. “Why?” Joshua shook his head.

“I can’t tell you.” His friend leaned in close, eyes wide. “…What?”

“You in with the mob or something?” Joshua’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Are you serious?” He asked. “No!” With a huff, he got up from the library chair and grabbed his bag. Johnny was a man’s man through and through, a bit sarcastic but overall, the definition of what it meant to be a normal, straight man. He’d never understand, and even if he did, Joshua would never say anything. To anyone. “Whatever, forget I said anything, let’s just-.”

“Hey, Joshua! Johnny!” Joshua’s eyes shot up at the call of his name, seeing a beautiful brunette passing by. Megan O’Rorke, a freshman just like them. A cheerleader, popular, beautiful. She disappeared into one of the nearby aisles with her friends.

Perfect.

“Wait here.” Joshua said, before abandoning Johnny. He could hear his friend’s eager cheers of encouragement as he got to the brunette’s side, smiling. “Megan, I have a question for you.”

Her eyes sparkled almost immediately, stopping in her tracks to turn to him. “Yes?” She asked eagerly. Joshua was silent for a second, blinking a few times. Each time he closed his eyes, Mr. Daughtery looked at him from a different spot in the geometry classroom. That was enough to make him ask.

“Want to go out Saturday night?”

Joshua and Megan dated the rest of freshman year. It was enough for Joshua to forget all about Mr. Daughtery, even when he was tasked with taking over the classroom after Christmas break. Joshua felt great, better than ever. His parents were elated to know he had a girlfriend, he was still ranking top of his class in every subject, and he was already in position to run for student council come sophomore year.

Everything was perfect. Everything was perfect. Everything was perfect.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

September of his sophomore year, and things immediately proved they were in fact not perfect. Exhibit A: third period chemistry. Joshua was paired with Marco Rizzo, an Italian-American kid born and raised right in Los Angeles. He was tall, tan, a bit muscular, and a whole year older. He already had his learner’s permit.

Oh, don’t forget beautiful. Marco Rizzo was beautiful.

Joshua felt like it would be less painful to drink the solutions they were making in chemistry class, than to stand next to Marco for an entire 45-minute class period. Whatever feelings he thought he had for Mr. Daughterty the year prior were doubled every time Marco reached over him to grab a beaker, or when he brightly laughed at the ‘cute’ purple color they got during an experiment. And the one-time Marco reached over and fixed his safety goggles because Joshua’s hands were already covered with chemicals? He ran to the nurses office feeling like he was going to throw up. He didn’t, but that burning sensation stayed in his stomach for the rest of the week.

Megan said they had to break-up after their first kiss outside of the movie theatre on her sixteenth birthday. She said that she wasn’t interested anymore, but Joshua was just glad he didn’t have to kiss her again. The kiss was quick, awkward, exactly what one would expect of two teenagers discovering new things about themselves. Joshua, on that day, discovered that kissing girls made him feel disgusting. He took a 45 minute shower when he got home.

He responded to the break-up by throwing himself into his studies even harder. He’d yet to see a grade under a 100, and he sure as hell wouldn’t start now. He’d say one quick prayer at his bedside, and flip the computer on. Fingers would fly on the keyboard until the sun's rays poked into view, and Joshua would crawl into bed just long enough to get about an hour of sleep.

Joshua didn’t start getting chronic headaches until he was 15. He didn’t get his first string of nosebleeds until he was 16. These were mere obstacles; ones Joshua could easily fix with a tissue and few Ibuprofens. The other things were not, however; the thoughts of Marco or Mr. Daughtery, or Taylor Lautner. That one was new, because he caught a trailer for Twilight while scrolling through the TV, and while Johnny commented on how lame it looked, Joshua couldn’t help ogle the shirtless, ripped actor turning into a werewolf before his eyes.

He was in deep.

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Joshua dated another girl three months after he and Megan broke up. Krystal, another beautiful cheerleader who he met at church camp. The duo met before his sophomore year, her junior year, and remained good friends through school. Krystal asked him out during their shared gym class, and Joshua almost sounded desperate when he said yes.

Krystal was nice, but she wasn’t as much of a distraction to Joshua’s problem as Megan was the year prior. Maybe it was because Marco was closer to him more often, maybe it was because Marco approached him in the halls between classes. Maybe it was because when Marco eyed him up and down, Joshua could read it as an attempt to flirt.

Marco asked to come to Joshua’s house one weekend to study for a test. Joshua couldn’t tell if he was terrified or not, but his parents were so excited to know their perfect son was bringing home a friend, he couldn’t help but say yes. When Marco arrived at his front door with his bookbag and a plastic baggie of chips from the gas station that he knew Joshua liked, Joshua had to plant his feet firmly on the floor so he wouldn’t jump forward and just kiss him.

“Cool room.” Marco’s eyes fell to the collection of debate team awards and honor roll certificates lining the wall above his desk. He whistled. “Wow. Smarty pants, hm?” Joshua chuckled a bit because speaking felt scary. “I’m glad you’re my partner, then. We’re going to ace this test!” Marco grinned at him, and something in Joshua’s chest short circuited. “Ready?”

Marco sat up against the foot of Joshua’s bed, Joshua sitting directly across from him. They both were reading through their textbook, taking turns reading definitions aloud that they assumed would be included in the test.

“You’re so smart, Joshua.” Marco beamed up at him. “I wish I was half as smart as you.”

Joshua smiled. “You’re smart, don’t say that. You’re good at the hands-on stuff I’m not good at.” Marco’s grin turned into a playful smirk that made Joshua only force his smile more. “You’re disgusting.”

Marco only responded with a shrug, before reading the next chemistry question aloud. The duo went back and forth like this for about thirty minutes, before the two of them got side tracked chatting about whatever came to their minds. Their textbooks had long since been discarded to the other side of the bed, their focus on one another as they chatted. “You’ve never been to Italy?” Joshua’s eyes widened. Marco shook his head. “I went when I was 8 and I’m not even Italian!”

Marco laughed; a loud roar of a laugh that made Joshua feel a weird calmness despite how much it reverberated against the walls of his room. “Alright, Richie Rich. No need to rub it in my face!”

“I’m not!” He gasped. “I’m just surprised.”

“Well, if you’re so surprised, then next time you go to Italy, take me.” Joshua’s smile immediately fell, eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” He asked. Marco suddenly looked serious, almost nervous, and that feeling paralleled Joshua's expression. “Heh, I mean, I’d…I’d have to ask my parents, but-.”

Joshua didn’t get to finish before Marco leaned forward and planted one, big kiss on his lips. Joshua’s entire world came crashing down in one action. He couldn’t move, his entire body frozen solid as he stared ahead. He couldn’t even divert his eyes, he was stuck staring at Marco’s eyes, which were squeezed shut in nerves. He pulled back a second later, and Joshua immediately covered his mouth. His hands were shaking, eyes wide as he stared at the Italian-American across from him. It only took a second for Marco to realize what happened, his face carrying a similar look of panic.

“Wh….I’m sorry! Are you not? Oh fuck.” He looked around. Joshua couldn’t even speak, stunned to absolute silence as Marco hopped off his bed and scrambled for his bag. “Sorry! Sorry, sorry. I’ll go. I’ll just-.” Before he could exit the room, Joshua’s mom stepped in, a little tray of peeled and sliced oranges in her hands.

“Hope you two are hungry, because I brought-.” Her smile immediately fell when she saw the distressed boys before her. Joshua immediately turned his entire body from his mother. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Looking like a deer caught in headlights, Marco said. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hong. I need to go. Thank you for having me.”

“O…okay.” Mrs. Hong watched the teen head out the door. “Come back soon, okay?” She turned to Joshua, staring at his back. “Honey? You okay?”

“Yeah.” Joshua coughed out, sitting up right. “Perfect, Mom.”

Marco stopped talking to Joshua outside of class after that, which hurt him more than he expected.

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“It’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?” Krystal and Joshua were sitting outside during the last week of school that year, one of their preferred dates once the weather got nicer.

Joshua almost choked on his soda, eyes widening at the girl across from him. “W-what? No!”

Krystal smiled a bit. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Then why are we breaking up? You know I’ll see you at camp all summer, right?”

“I just-.” Joshua paused. “I just don’t want to date this summer. It’s nothing against you.”

Krystal nodded, still unable to hide the smile on her lips. It made Joshua feel like he was being interrogated at the police department.

“Joshua, hun.” Krystal leaned forward on her elbows. “It’s okay if you’re into guys, you know that right?”

“I’m not.” Joshua said.

“I see how you look at Marco.” Hearing the name made Joshua’s heart feel as if it had fully stopped beating, the expression on his face only making Krystal’s grin widen. “See? Told you. You’re down bad for him.”

“I am not!” Joshua slammed his hands on the table. The force of the wood shaking made Krystal sit upright. Joshua immediately rubbed his hands together, the stinging traveling up to his elbows. “Stop….”

“I’m sorry.” She said softly. A pause before she stood up. “Either way, no hard feelings.” she smiled. “I’ll see you at camp. We’ll have another fun year. Okay?”

“Okay…” Joshua said as she left the picnic table, leaving him alone with two stinging, red hands and a set of tears threatening to escape his eyes.

He told his mother that he and Krystal broke up that night over dinner, and she was just as devastated as she was with Megan, if not more.

“She was such a nice girl, too.”

“I know.” Joshua pushed the rice in his bowl. His mother leaned across the table, gently smoothing out her son’s hair. He smiled up at her, almost leaning into the gentle touch.

“I’m so sorry, honey.” She cooed gently.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be okay.” He assured.

“It’s okay to be a bit upset about it, Josh.” His father grinned behind the rim of his soju glass.

“I know.”

“Don’t worry, Joshua.” His mother said gently. “You’ll find a nice girl one day. She’s out there somewhere.” Joshua gripped the chopsticks in his hands. He felt like his lips were on fire, the feeling of being kissed by someone as beautiful and as kind as Marco Rizzo still haunting him months later.

He shoved the next bite of rice in his mouth so he didn’t have to say ‘Yes, Mom’ this time. He just might start crying if he had to utter yet another lie at the dinner table.

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Joshua spent the rest of his junior year similarly to how he spent the prior two; dating girls in short periods in the hopes of ignoring the intense feelings he had for the new boy that walked into his life. This year, it was senior Christian Jones, one of the track and field members. A known gym rat whose locker ended up being right next to Joshua’s in gym class that year. Nothing exciting came of that because he was dating Tiffany, a beautiful senior and lead singer in the school choir. Joshua could only watch from afar until his feelings fizzled out at junior prom. That was the easiest of all four years.

Senior year it was Kyle Davis, who sat next to him in Study Hall. He always offered Joshua a piece of gum and said his eyes were really pretty. Kyle had jet-black hair, cut short just like he did, and striking blue eyes that Joshua thought about long after the duo parted each day for class. He was also open about being gay. Throughout the year, Joshua found comfort in Kyle that went beyond simple attraction, but infatuation with Kyle and everything about him. During Study Hall, Kyle would talk to him about the latest episode of this show, RuPaul’s Drag Race, beaming each week during the fifth season’s run when Jinx Monsoon slayed, and crying when Ivy Winters was eliminated. Joshua had no idea what he was talking about, but he would listen to Kyle count sheep hopping over a fence if it meant he could stare at those beautiful blue eyes for another few minutes.

Being himself around Kyle Davis never felt forced or scary. It felt good. There were no expectations with him, only moments. Joshua spent nights at his house binging all past seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race, admiring the confidence the contestants had in themselves and their sexuality. Because of their friendship, Joshua rekindled with Marco, the group becoming a close knit trio.

Kyle never asked if Joshua was gay, but it felt like he knew. The way he so subtly pointed out handsome men in the crowd when they people watched at the park, the way he always kept a close seat, yet never crossed any boundaries. He dubbed himself the “Gay Yoda”, a guru that Joshua felt safe with.

Joshua loved his parents, and his church, and his friends, but the love that bubbled in his chest for Kyle was one that was vastly different. It was beautiful, it was the one thing about the entire journey that Joshua felt was perfect.

“Are you going to prom?” Kyle asked, passing over his gum pack. Joshua leaned forward and took one. “I mean, I figured you probably will, right? You’re practically guaranteed Prom King.”

Joshua snorted as he popped the gum into his mouth. “Am not.”

“Hong: Humble and Handsome.” Kyle cooed. “That’ll be on your tombstone, bestie~.” Joshua rolled his eyes as he typed away at his computer. “But seriously, are you going?”

“Are you?”

“Uh, duh. I have the cutest maroon tuxedo that I got on sale, and the world needs to see me in it before I die.” Joshua chuckled, nodding his head. “I’m only asking because we should go together.” Joshua’s fingers stopped typing as he looked up at Kyle, who only smiled wider. “Don’t worry, it’s not a promposal or anything. I wouldn’t be that dramatic.”

“Yes, you totally would.” Joshua corrected. Going to prom with Kyle would be a beautiful nightmare, one he wanted to agree to so badly because he wanted to give him a corsage and flowers and tell him Kyle looked beautiful in the maroon suit because he knew it was going to be true.

“I’m saying we should go as friends. Who are you taking?” Joshua shrugged.

“No idea.”

“What about Krystal? Don’t you still talk to her?”

Joshua had told Kyle about his high school girlfriends and how they all managed to end one way or another. Krystal and Joshua had stayed pretty good friends at church camp even after their break-up. “She’s a freshman in college. Why would she want to go to some senior prom?”

“Because she won’t expect anything from you.” Joshua didn’t have time to respond before the bell rang, and Kyle waved him off before heading to his next class.

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It was already 4am the next morning, but Joshua wasn’t studying. Finals had come and gone, and he had secured, to the ever-growing praise of his parents and friends, the spot as valedictorian for the graduating class of 2014. With a full ride to college in his back pocket, for the first time in his school career, he could relax.

Well, he thought he could. But contrary to the ever-prevalent ‘perfect’, ‘relax’ seems to be the one word that never stayed in his mental dictionary. Tucked away in the corner of his closet, hands gripping the shiny, new iPhone he was given for graduation, Joshua was frantic. His parents had long since turned in, leaving him to sob via FaceTime to the one person he knew he could rely on: Yoon Jeonghan. Being midday in Korea, Joshua always knew he was a safe bet when he needed someone to talk to late at night.

“Jeonghan, what am I going to do?” he sobbed, resting his head against the wall. “I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.”

“Joshuji, relax.” Jeonghan soothed gently. They had been on the phone for forty-five minutes already as he listened to his friend’s troubles. “Why don’t you just go with him and say it’s a friend’s thing?”

“My parents want me to take a girl. They’ll be so disappointed if their only son doesn’t go to his last prom of high school without a date! Everyone thinks I’m going to ask a girl! If I don’t, I’m basically wearing a sign around my neck saying ‘I’m into guys, I’ve fooled you all!’”

“As long as it matches the suit, I think it’ll be okay.” Jeonghan teased.

“You’re not helping!” Joshua sobbed, his head falling into his knees. “I can’t do it anymore; I just can’t handle this anymore. Any of it…I want this to be over.”

“School?”

“Everything.” He sniffled. “I want everything to be over. I can’t be around to disappoint anyone if I’m not around at all.”

“Hong Jisoo!” The sound of his Korean name made him lift his head up to see Jeonghan glaring at him. “Don’t talk like that! Do you know how many lives would be different if you weren’t in them at this very moment?! Your parents, Kyle’s, Johnny’s, mine?”

The duo sat in silence because Joshua didn’t know what else to say. It was a long, painful silence. Finally, Joshua choked up. “I’m so hopelessly in love with him and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m terrified….”

“I know.” Jeonghan said. “Just think, the year will be over soon and you’ll be on a flight to see me for the summer. We will have the best summer ever! Then, when you are ready to go back for college, we can figure out your feelings together, okay?”

“Okay.” Joshua hummed. Eventually ending the call with a reassuring sendoff, Joshua let silence overtake him. He leaned against his perfectly organized church clothes for another long minute and let out a defeated sign. The sun was already rising, bleeding in through the window, as he pulled out his phone to text Krystal, asking her to be his date to the senior prom.

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Prom pictures included himself, Krystal, Johnny, his date, and Kyle posing all over Joshua’s large house. Their parents made it a whole thing, Joshua’s mother crying at how handsome he looked. How perfect he looked and what a respectable young man he had grown up to be. Joshua felt nauseous the entire time, keeping his gaze anywhere but in Kyle’s direction because he knew if he stared too long, his mother would snap a picture where he had hearts in his eyes.

Krystal’s popularity in high school meant she had more than enough friends in the senior class to mingle with, Joshua not minding one bit. Most of the night was great, chatting up friends, taking photos and dancing. This was the last time for them to let loose like this in school. After this year, everyone was going to travel their own paths, breaking apart as they discovered what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives.

Joshua’s path had been predetermined since before he knew the word ‘perfect’; go to college with an academic scholarship, excel in both grades and extracurriculars, and graduate top of his class with a job offer in any school district he wanted. It was easy, it was predictable, it was safe.

When Kyle pulled him to the dance floor as ‘Let Me Love You’ by Ne-Yo blasted on the dance floor, Joshua knew that there was a massive wrench thrown in his plans. He had spent the past 4 years trying so hard to ignore said wrench, to allow for his carefully crafted plans to play out without issue. However, each time he tried to bury the wrench and forget it existed, it would unearth itself and barrel back into view like a vicious boomerang.

By the end of the night, Joshua was standing outside the venue, getting some much needed air after being bombarded by friends congratulating him for his expected – and according to Krystal, deserved - Prom King win. He only got to enjoy the quiet for a few minutes before Kyle appeared behind him.

“Hey, King.” He smirked. “Did I call it or what?”

“Yeah, yeah. You probably rigged the vote.”

“I may have.” A teasing grin formed on his face. He stood at Joshua’s side and the duo fell into a comfortable silence. Joshua felt his heart pumping in his chest, picking at his fingernails in an attempt to keep his hands, eyes, and mind distracted. Finally, Kyle spoke up. “You know you’ll always be one of my best friends, right?”

Joshua hummed. “Yeah. You too.”

Kyle nodded his head. “I want to ask you something kind of personal.” Joshua’s hands paused their skin picking and he looked over. “...I never wanted to ask, because you always looked nervous about it, but…” blue eyes that sparkled even brighter under the stars fell in his direction. “Joshua, are you gay?”

Joshua looked back at him. He licked his lips. “N-.” A deep breath. “I don’t know…I think so.”

“How long have you ‘thought so’?”

“Probably freshman year…”

Kyle smiled, almost sadly, Joshua noticed. “It was a lot for me to come to terms with, too. There’s a lot of things you need to think about. I was terrified to tell my parents.”

“Your parents are cool, though.” Joshua looked down at his fingers again. Another moment of silence, before Kyle stepped closer to Joshua. He finally looked back up, noticing the distance between them get smaller. “…Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked softly.

Kyle shrugged. “I know I said it was hard for me to come to terms with but I’m happier now than I was when I was 13, sneaking around at school and telling my grandma at Thanksgiving that I had a girlfriend from Canada or something.” Joshua chuckled a bit under his breath. “Everyone has their own experience. You’ll find out how you fit into everything at your own pace.”

“I wish it was that easy…” he said softly. Kyle poked his cheek, and when Joshua turned his head to look at him, he asked:

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua paused for only a second. “I’ve always tried to find the perfect time to ask so…” Joshua smiled, giving a nod of his head.

“Okay…” With a beaming grin, Kyle leaned in and planted one very quick kiss on his lips. Joshua felt him pull back, but he didn’t get far before Joshua grabbed him by the tie of his suit and eyed him up and down. “That suit really does look good on you.” He said. Kyle grinned as he quickly leaned into another kiss. Things were finally looking up just a bit.

The summer after, while Joshua was in South Korea, Kyle moved across the country for college. The duo still kept in touch over the phone and on social media. Kyle is still saved in Joshua’s phone as ‘Your Gay Yoda’, and Joshua will dare not change it for as long as he lives and breathes on this earth. But their relationship never really went farther than catching up during the summer when Kyle returned home, and Joshua had to tell himself that it was perfect, whether he liked it or not.

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Joshua attended college two hours away from home, hoping the distance between himself and his parents would help ease some of his worries. It did; sort of. He could stare at other men who had yet to know him and offer a few attempts at flirting without worrying that it would get to his mom through the church book club. He managed to room with the one person he knew from high school, but he was out so often chasing girls and going to parties that Joshua basically roomed alone. That was fine by him.

College, at first, was uneventful. Late-night study sessions at the library, working weekends at a tutoring center for children off campus, and attending tons of school events. One, in particular, made his entire world flip upside down. When he attended a mid-semester fall festival and met the very handsome Liberal Arts major that was Kim Taehyung.

How does one describe Kim Taehyung? Kim Taehyung has a boxy smile, beautiful skin, and a deep voice that makes Joshua tremble every time he hears it. The duo became fast friends, and Joshua developed feelings even faster. However, he kept them tucked away in the farthest part of his brain. Taehyung was the first real friend he made on campus, and he had no intention of letting feelings come between them. They also shared the same birthday, down to the year and date. When Joshua and Taehyung found this out, Taehyung was tickled about finding his ‘hot birthday twin’. The word ‘hot’ seared itself into Joshua’s skull, but he only laughed along.

When December 30th finally rolled around, and Taehyung suggested that they celebrate properly, Joshua didn’t need to read too deep into the lustful gaze Taehyung gave him from the other side of the dorm room, or the way his voice practically growled into the words. He knew exactly what was being offered.

His 19th birthday was, without question, the best one of his life. Even though he may have cried about it when all was said and done.

All of Joshua’s previous notions about sex being “sacred” and “only for after marriage” went out the window at the first promise of freedom and self-expression. Joshua and Taehyung managed a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship through the first two years of college. Joshua would take girls home to his parents, but always return to Taehyung’s dorm the second he got back to campus. The only time he didn’t see Taehyung was during midterms and finals because he locked himself into his room much as he always did, forgoing sleep, food, and even sex. If he was going to disappoint his parents in the shadows, he had to make them proud in the daylight. But when exams were over, and Joshua finally allowed himself to breathe, he found himself running off with Taehyung, somewhere that they could be alone.

But over time, it wasn’t just Taehyung. It was anyone he could get his hands on. At college parties, Joshua found someone new to sneak back into his dorm. Late nights were no longer filled with blurs of textbooks, but blurs of faces Joshua couldn’t remember when he woke up the next morning. He would lie in his bed, listening to the clock tick away painfully slow before he forced himself out of bed, packed foundation under his eyes, downed a cup of coffee and an Ibuprofen – two depending on how the night went – and made his way out of the dorm with a smile plastered on his face. He was good at the double life. It was easy, it felt almost natural.

It was painful. Every day felt like he was running, looking over his shoulder in fear of being caught. He needed to get far enough away from LA, from the crushing weight of his parent’s eyes. Even with two hours of distance, it took one car ride and they’d be at his door, and who knows what they’d see. Joshua couldn’t handle it. He needed to get farther.

He needed to hop on a plane.

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Joshua moved to Korea the summer before his junior year started. Inspired by one of his family’s yearly trips to South Korea, where he spent a few days teaching eager six-year-olds how to say “My name is” in English. He left that trip knowing exactly what he wanted to do.

In a new space, Joshua needed time to adjust. He settled into Jeonghan’s apartment and began attending school, keeping his head low the first year, managing his good grades the only way he knew how: Ibuprofen and coffee. His reputation as the overachieving newbie snagged him a job as TA for Professor Moon his senior year. The bar of expectation was one Joshua could meet easily, even if he had to stay up for three straight nights practicing his high jump. In Korea, he felt free from the watchful eye of his parents, far enough away to figure things out for himself without worrying about bringing anyone home and putting on any shows. Things were finally starting to feel normal once again.

Then Lee Seokmin was seen staring at him in front of the quad in the fall of his senior year.

Joshua caught the awkward brunette staring at him while he was ending a phone call with his mother, watching him full sprint back inside when they made eye contact. The nameless individual disappeared within the crowd of students before he could even step back inside. There wasn’t enough time to go searching for him now, despite how curious he was. Chalking it up to a cute encounter, Joshua made his way towards his next class.

That wasn’t the last time Joshua had seen Lee Seokmin, in fact, the encounters only doubled. He was friends with students in the classes he worked for, and lived a few blocks away from his most frequented convenience store. Very few art pieces in all of the museums Joshua has been to in his life compared to the side profile of this brunette on campus. Joshua felt the breath hitch in his throat when Seokmin opened his mouth to talk, fumbling over his words when realizing he bought the last of the chicken ramen in the store. He felt fireworks going off in his entire body whenever Seokmin took his hand, the feeling remaining even after the both of them parted.

Lee Seokmin drove Joshua’s mind into a frenzy. He didn’t realize how hard someone could fall for another person after only meeting them a handful of times, but he couldn’t get Seokmin out of his mind. Sentences in his textbooks melted into questions Seokmin asked him that day, that toothy grin etched so deeply into his brain that even the toughest of diagrams couldn’t break through. Joshua had to hold himself back from doodling the guy’s name on someone’s essay! When Joshua heard Seokmin laugh, it felt like a sin not to smile back because he was just so damn beautiful and contagious. Joshua wanted to be around Seokmin all the time.

So, when he offered to help prepare Seokmin’s lines for the auditions, he meant it. It came with a problem, however. How would move his busy midterm study schedule to accommodate a few hours of freedom? He eyed his calendar for any little spot, any opening that he could squeeze Seokmin into because he wanted to see him so badly. Guess I’ll start my all-nighter’s a bit earlier this term.

“Sunday evening. I can hang out Sunday evening, I’ll make it work.”

Seokmin looked shocked, but a glimmer of excitement in his eyes was enough to cement the offer. “Are you sure?”

“As long as it’s not too late, yes, I’m sure.” And it was set.

The night before seeing Seokmin, Joshua stayed up the entire time, working to make sure he wouldn’t fall behind in his work for Professor Moon or in his classes. From 10 p.m. to 10 a.m., he lived on coffee and adrenaline much as he always did, a tissue discarded from the nosebleed he had to tend to from 2-2:30. No big deal, just another obstacle.

At 5 that morning, however, after sending a confirmation text to Seokmin, Joshua sat on the couch to relax and didn’t remember anything else. The next thing he remembered was Jeonghan shaking him awake, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Joshua’s eyes snapped open and he sat up.

“What time is it?” he gasped, eyes still glazed over as he woke up.

“5,” Jeonghan said. “Didn’t you have somewhere to be?” Joshua’s paled.

“Oh, fuck.” Hopping off the couch, Joshua hurried into his room to throw on the first few things he could find in his closet and took off out the door. Seokmin forgave him that time, he was lucky. But it didn’t stop there. Joshua was going to head to Seokmin’s audition when Professor Moon pulled him aside, asking him to get a head start on creating a test for the next unit. Joshua was able to create a fleshed-out and comprehensive test in under an hour. Not a problem, right?

Joshua sat down in the back of the lecture hall to get to work, and he didn’t remember anything else. All he remembers is blinking a few extra times and realizing he was still sitting in front of the computer. While the test was finished, auditions had already been going on for about an hour. Joshua found himself racing across campus, head pounding from the intense stare he must have given the screen. But he was still too late.

Joshua was unable to be the perfect anything to Seokmin. He could only play the part so much, gentle smiles and warm embraces to keep Seokmin at his side. But in reality, he was floundering and he didn’t know what to do about it. It would only be a matter of time before Seokmin was the one to call him out on his facade. He would rip the perfect mask off, stomp it under his heel, and storm away, leaving Joshua alone and imperfect.

Despite this, however, Seokmin still stayed by Joshua’s side. He still smiled when Joshua complimented him, and he still blushed when the duo bumped elbows. It was perfect, he was perfect. Joshua almost envied how perfect Lee Seokmin was. It hurt Joshua even more knowing he caused Seokmin so much pain in only a few months.

Seokmin had just come to see Joshua during one of his discussions, shy but smiling just as he always was. Joshua’s heart was in a vice grip. He’d popped an Ibuprofen to hopefully soothe the throbbing in his brain. Seeing the smile he’d grown to adore fall from Seokmin’s face, hurt worse than any headache he’d ever experienced.

In hopes of soothing his brain, Joshua had convinced Jeonghan to sit and make bracelets together with him. They’d been at it for an hour, and so far, no luck, his mind still racing with a million and one thoughts. They worked in silence for a long time, before Joshua finally paused his work on the bracelet. “He’s too good for me, Jeonghan. I don’t deserve him.”

Jeonghan was silent for a long time, stringing a few random colors onto the cord in his grip. He turned to Joshua and said: “Joshua, that’s not true.” Eyes softening, Jeonghan shifted in his seat and looked at the younger of the two. “We’re at that point in our lives where relationships are going to get harder. Being in a relationship is supposed to make life enjoyable, not painful. You need balance.” When Joshua didn’t reply, Jeonghan continued: “But you won’t get balance, in a relationship or anything, if you keep this whole studying nonsense up while trying to manage a relationship.”

Joshua glanced over. “I….” He sighed. “I know.”

Jeonghan leaned forward. “Where do you see yourself in the future?”

The question left him speechless. He was no longer standing on the same race track he had in the past. Joshua could push all he wanted, but the finish line in this long and painful race was no longer in his sights. “Teaching.” That was all he could say. “Like I’ve always planned.”

“Not with Seokmin?”

“That too.” he added. “I would hope…”

Jeonghan hummed. “Well, when I look at you, I see a really successful teacher. One who changes lives and makes an impact.” Joshua smiled a bit. “Want to know what I don’t see?” He scooted closer, plucking the bead from his friend's fingers, only to use it on his own. Joshua pouted. “I don’t see someone whose path in life will crumble at his feet just because of a point or two off a test, or a missing homework assignment. But you don’t let yourself have that break, that’s why you’re at this crossroads with Seokmin. You want to be perfect in to many areas. You need that balance, need to discard some of the burden.”

Joshua felt his eyes sting; with a sigh, he leaned back against the chair. “Jeonghan…” his voice was trembling. “It sounds so easy when you say it that way…I wish I could say it that easily…”

Jeonghan hummed. “Let me do it for now, then…I’ll carry that burden until it isn’t a burden anymore.” Jeonghan offered. “And if I’m not around to say it, then Seokmin will take my place, no question. He wants to be in your life. I can see how much he means to you. And I can see how much you mean to him. He’s crazy about you, Joshua….”

“You think?” Joshua asked, feeling the cracks in his heart mend just a bit. Jeonghan smiled.

“But before you can handle any of that, you need to take a good look at yourself and decide what you need to have in your life to be happy.” He nestled himself up to Joshua and flashed a playful grin. “I’ll get you started. Number one: me. You’re stuck with me forever.” Joshua, for the first time since sitting down to make the bracelets, felt his nose crinkle and a genuine laugh escape his lips.

After his talk with Jeonghan, Joshua was trying to focus on his studies, on his discussions, on himself, but he couldn’t. The entire time he was thinking of Seokmin, of just how upset he must feel. Most of his late nights were spent just staring at his screen, eyes bloodshot and strained. He could barely close his eyes without his head falling heavy onto the desk, the contact of his skull and the wood snapping him awake for another few hours. It went on for weeks; he stayed home from school because it felt as if his body was glued to his desk chair. If he was going to be a disappointment to Seokmin in the shadows, he needed to be a respectable student in the daylight. There needed to be some gain if he was at risk of losing so much.

The day Seokmin visited, Joshua could barely feel the things around him. His fingers could barely type, and his eyes could barely focus. Coffee wasn’t enough, and he had only managed to sleep for an hour before his body woke up in a cold sweat and a panic. However, when Seokmin was staring at him through his door frame, Joshua felt a light switch in his body trying desperately to flick on. He tried to look presentable for him, to smile for him, and listen to whatever it was he came over to say. He could barely register any string of words, but he knew he wanted to hear it. A few Ibuprofens and a vocalized plea for them to kill him were just enough to keep him grounded so Seokmin could speak.

He didn’t expect the nosebleed, however. Or to stagger into the bathroom and stare at his reflection. He didn’t expect to see two of himself in the bathroom mirror, or for his legs to buckle when he tried to turn back around and head into the living room. He also didn’t expect to fall over and for everything to turn dark for a few minutes. But at least he was finally able to sleep.

The only thing he remembers is opening his eyes just barely, feeling something cold on his forehead. His eyes were blurry, and the ringing in his ears made it feel as though they would burst any moment. He could hear very faint speaking, but he could barely make out who was sitting beside him. It felt like he was looking through a kaleidoscope.

“Hit his head….yes….it’s unlocked….he has a…..and a….okay…. hurry.”

And he doesn’t remember much else.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

It felt as if someone was pounding a hammer in Joshua’s skull, right between the eyes. He groaned, unsuccessful at squeezing the throbbing sensation out through his ears. As his body began waking up, he felt a sting in his arm. His head lolled to the side, where he saw a large tube leading up to an IV bag. When he opened his mouth, it was incredibly dry, and he wasn’t able to speak until he licked his lips and swallowed a few times.

Joshua sat up in bed, looking down at the needle in his arm connected to the IV. His eyes scanned the room he was in, a single-person hospital room. The sun was barely poking from behind the skyscrapers that surrounded them, spilling into the little couch on the other end of the room. When his hand went up to his head, he felt something soft. Turning to the nearest mirror, a large white bandage was wrapped around his forehead. His nose wasn’t bleeding anymore. That’s a plus. “What the hell happened?”

Shifting in bed was harder to do than expected; the throbbing in his head felt as if the hammer had been replaced with a chainsaw. Great. Just perfect. He thought to himself. Searching for a call button led Joshua’s eyes to land on something else, something that made his breath hitch and his brain start rewinding the tapes in his head of how he ended up here.

On the other side of his bed, closer to the skyline view, Seokmin had his head resting on the bed. His eyes were closed tight as if to fight back against whatever nightmare was plaguing him. Joshua immediately leaned forward and pressed a hand gently into Seokmin’s hair. Fingers threaded gently among Seokmin’s locks, and within minutes, the twisted, pained look on Seokmin’s face began to soften. He finally began sleeping with a content look etched into each one of his perfect features. Joshua smiled a bit.

It was still early; a nurse wouldn’t come to the room for another few hours. So, Joshua passed the time in silence, his hand tangled in Seokmin’s soft locks long after he had found peace in his dreams.

Joshua Hong, the man whose name was always melded within ‘perfect’ to the point he thought they were the same word, had a thought cross his mind.

Joshua spent his entire life trying to embody the word ‘perfect’, while Lee Seokmin filled the role naturally. Joshua wanted to be jealous, but as he looked at the sleeping man at his bedside, he could only hope that the word hadn’t wormed its way into Seokmin’s life and forced him to maintain such high expectations, as it did for Joshua. He wanted better for Seokmin.

Seokmin was like an open book, one Joshua wanted to keep reading over and over again, keeping note of each of his favorite parts to reference back to later. He wanted to find all of Seokmin’s deeper meanings and his ideals. Cover to cover, Joshua wanted to understand the entire story that was Lee Seokmin.

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