#chuckle sandwich fanfic

[schlatt-love-bot]

Classroom Dad - Schlatt x Teacher!Reader Headcanon

I got the idea of Schlatt being a “classroom dad” in my head and couldn’t get it out omg, so enjoy my ramblings! For this, Teacher!Reader is at the elementary level :) 

When you met, Schlatt was both in awe of your profession and confused 

“So…listen, I get loving kids and loving learning and all that mushy gushy feel good shit…but you mean to tell me you only get paid that much for dealing with those little shits? …why do it?” 

After dating for a while, though, he began to love the crew of kids in your classroom just as much as you did, maybe even a little bit more 

“Tell me, did the kids give you any more gossip during indoor recess? Is Johnny really into Samantha??” 

He would get a kick out of the stories you’d be bringing home each and every day

On the flipside, though, he would know exactly when you walked through the door on a tough day, were behaviors were out of whack or a lesson didn’t go as planned 

“Awwwh, baby, come ‘ere, talk to me. I’m brewin’ you a cup of tea, and then you can tell me everything that went wrong today.” 

He had a blanket on standby for when the days got so tough you just came home and needed to cry it out 

After being together for so long, he had a strong understanding of just how emotionally taxing the job was, and how much came with it

Would HAPPILY play student for you when you needed to practice a lesson or activity you’ve never done with a class before 

“Babe this worked out perfectly! I forget that you have the IQ of a 4th grader sometimes…”

“Hey! Not nice! I could walk away right now and leave you to figure out why my animal cell and my plant cell look exactly the same!”

Heard you complain once about your district not providing you with a class set of materials you needed, and he IMMEDIATELY bought in on the spot

“Babe, why did a case full of number 2 pencils just show up at our door…?”

“You said the kids needed them…” 

It’s gotten to the point where if he sees something he thinks you need in your classroom or something your students would like, he buys it and presents it to you 

“Schlatt! A guinea pig??” 

“What! I figured you could use a classroom pet!! I wanted to get a classroom cat, but figured those shitheads wouldn't be able to handle it....plus allergies, y'know?” 

Constant supplier of fun trinkets and toys for your classroom prize bin

“Schlatt, the kids are complaining about the ratio of squishies to stickers…” 

“On it, boss. More squishies will be at our door by the end of the week.” 

Your students BEGGED you to finally meet their infamous “classroom dad”

“Guys…Mr. Schlatt works a lot, I don’t know if I could get him to come by and visit…” 

You mentioned it in passing during dinner one night, and Schlatt’s eyes lit up 

“You mean to tell me…they want me there? To meet me? What can I do?” 

And suddenly you’re having a “secret reader” come in at the end of the day to read the next chapter of the book you’re reading as a class 

The kids were excited, thinking it was one of their parents, like they were used to from 1st and 2nd grade 

But when Schlatt walked through the door??

You were chopped liver, these kids were treating him like he was a damn king in the classroom! 

“Mr. Schlatt, how is it living with Miss (Y/N)?” 

“Well, how is she in here?” 

“She’s kind and cares about us, but she can be annoying with the amount of work she makes us do…”

“Yeah..that sounds about right, kiddo.” 

You were making a mental note to never do this, ever, again

Until you noticed just how engaged the kids were in listening to Schlatt read 

Schlatt was doing his best performance, making up voices and giving the kids a show

They were listening to every word coming from his mouth, hook, line, and sinker 

…until he left them on a cliffhanger

“WHATTT???”

“MISS (Y/N)!!!! HOW COULD YOU?!?” 

“MR. SCHLATT PLEASSEEEEE, KEEP GOING!!” 

He looked at you with his best puppy eyes 

“Yeah, Miss (Y/N), can we keep going?” 

You chuckled, shaking your head as the entire class plus your boyfriend were begging to continue reading the book

“Guys, I wish I could let Mr. Schlatt continue, but your buses are about to be loaded in 5 minutes, we need to get ourselves packed up and ready to go!” 

The kids, and Schlatt, let out a collective groan before shuffling to get their belongings together

Schlatt lingered, waiting until every last kid left, helping you with closing down your classroom for the day 

“Yknow, toots, that was actually a lot of fun.”

“Good! I’m glad you thought so…we could definitely use a secret reader again for when we start Frindle…”

“You know I’m your man, baby. All you need to do is ask.” 

You told Schlatt to leave without you, needing to do a couple more things before leaving for the day

Reluctant, he left without you, greeting you at the door with your favorite slippers, a glass of wine, and dinner already made 

“I get why you come home so exhausted, now, I was only with those kids for what, 30 minutes? I’m absolutely exhausted!” 

You let out a laugh, glad he understood your daily exhaustion on a personal level now 

“Seeing you with those kids, though…it’s got me thinking…” 

You raised your eyebrow, signalling him to continue

“What if…what if we start workin’ on our own little gremlin…” 

You nearly choked on your wine, cheeks beginning to get hot with blush 

“Think about it, doll, and then get back to-” 

“Yes. We should. In fact…we should get started right now..” 

Not much dinner was eaten that night, but both you and Schlatt certainly had your fill of dessert…

[lettucing]

look of love, rush of blood | chapter two

words: ~4.1k | pairing: jschlatt x she/her, afab reader

summary: Thanks to a not-so-subtle push from your roommate, Joelle, you find yourself crossing paths with Schlatt once again.

notes: ITS FINALLY HERE!! my apologies for taking 5ever, this chapter was originally going to be WAY longer but i wasn't getting it done as fast as i expected to so i decided to split it up into two parts and post them separately. chapter three is gonna go up super soon!!!! <33 (p.s. my apologies for any typos/mistakes, i proofread this thing so many times they probably started going over my head towards the end)

⭑

You’re pulled from sleep by a knock on your door, muffled but persistent.

Before you have a chance to roll over and pretend you didn’t hear it, Joelle’s voice filters through, cheerful and impossible to ignore. You groan, glancing at the alarm clock reading 10:54 AM, before dragging yourself from the tangle of your sheets, last night's drinks still lingering in your head. “Shit.” You think, mentally kicking yourself for sleeping in so late. You’re still half-dreaming when you finally turn the handle and open the door, squinting against the sunlight streaming in from the hallway.

Joelle stands there beaming, a small box of donuts held up like a prize, her eyes sparkling with energy— a vivid contrast to your groggy state. “Ta-daaa!” she says, flipping open the box. “And there’s iced coffee waiting in the kitchen. Don’t say I never spoil you.” Despite the haze of sleep, you smile, following her to the kitchen. “Donuts and coffee? I love you so much.”

You settle in at your small dining table as she nudges a donut, frosted in your favorite color and covered with sprinkles, toward you. “This one’s yours.” she says, watching as you take a bite. You chuckle, mouth half-full. “What’s with the royal treatment? Are you buttering me up to tell me you’re moving out?” Joelle laughs, a mischievous glint in her eye. “No, but... I did make a little move of sorts last night. You might have a couple missed texts from a certain someone awaiting a response.”

Thoroughly suspicious now, you head back to your room, reaching for your phone to scroll through notifications that piled up during Do Not Disturb mode. Emails, Instagram updates, messages… Among the usual chaos and random alerts, one stack of notifications stands out—three texts from a number you don’t recognize. 

(2h ago) xxx-xxx-xxxx: hey, y/n xxx-xxx-xxxx: it’s schlatt xxx-xxx-xxxx: i got your number from ted from joelle, hope that’s okay

Your stomach flips. 

Oh. Oh my god. 

You walk back into the kitchen to face Joelle, who smiles sheepishly. "Ted mentioned he thought Schlatt might regret not getting your number. I just… gave him a little nudge to make it happen."

You blink, still processing what she just said. Joelle’s expression shifts to looking genuinely apologetic. “I’m sorry if that was too much, but from what I saw and what I heard from Ted, you two were totally hitting it off at the bar last night. It seemed like a missed opportunity if I didn’t.” You’re torn between being mildly annoyed and unexpectedly flattered. “All i did was spill a drink in his lap.” you mutter, still staring at the texts from Schlatt.

Joelle leans forward in her chair. “Well, clearly it was something more than that to him. And now you’ve got a chance to find out what. So… are you going to reply, or are you just going to leave him hanging?”

You glance back at the messages on your phone, the words “hope that’s okay” echoing in your mind. The temptation to text him back was strong, but your heart races at the thought of it.

“Do you really think I should?” you ask, unsure whether to be thrilled or terrified. “Oh absolutely.” Joelle says with an enthusiastic nod. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

You take a deep breath, the phone in your hand suddenly feeling heavier than it should. The last thing you need is to come off as too eager or weird, but at the same time, there’s a part of you that’s excited over the idea of picking up where the night left off with Schlatt.

After composing yourself, you type out a response and save his number.

you: oh hey! yeah, that’s totally okay, no worries :)

You hit send, your heart still racing as you set the phone down. For a moment there’s only silence, the sound of your and Joelle’s breathing along with the distant buzz of the city outside your window providing a strange comfort. You can’t help but recall your interactions with Schlatt from the bar last night– he was charismatic and funny, with just the right amount of playful arrogance that made it clear he was teasing in good fun. Not to mention he was absolutely gorgeous— those broad shoulders, those warm brown eyes…

What was he feeling right now? Is he nervous? Is he as intrigued by you as you are by him? 

Just then, your phone buzzes again, jolting you from your thoughts. Joelle cheers. “Aaah! See, he already texted you back!”

Schlatt: awesome. Schlatt: how are you? Schlatt: hungover?

You smile, shifting in your chair as you glance at Joelle, who beams at you in return. The conversation with Schlatt picks up effortlessly, flowing just like it had the night before.

You: i’m good! hangover’s looming a bit, but it’s not enough to keep me in bed, LOL You: joelle woke me up with donuts You: you?

Schlatt: damn. some house guests i have, i didn’t wake up to donuts. Schlatt: i’m good though, i don’t really get hungover 

You: oh. lucky you, i guess 😒

Schlatt: yeah, guess so 🫅

You: 🙄 You: anyways…

Schlatt: anyways... what? got anything fun planned for today?

You: honestly, not really. might go for a walk, maybe catch up on some work stuff. nothing exciting.

Schlatt: sounds like a solid plan. i’m doin the same, stayin out of trouble for once.

You: yeah, right. I think we both know that’s not true

Schlatt: fair point. i’ll probably end up in brooklyn robbing a bodega at gunpoint for youtube content

You: oh wow. willing to die for your craft, i respect it

Schlatt: you know it

You: well, enjoy your trouble then. i’ll be over here trying to be a responsible adult

Schlatt: responsible adult? sounds boring

You: yeah. definitely boring.

Schlatt: well maybe we gotta find you a new hobby then. you have an office job, that shit’s depressing

You: hey, it’s not thaaaaat bad

The use of "we" in his message sends a strange flutter through your chest. It feels casual, but there’s something about it that makes your heart beat a little faster. 

You set your phone down, glancing over at Joelle, who’s barely holding back her grin. "What?" you ask again, half-laughing. She leans back in her chair, clearly enjoying the moment. "Just enjoying the show. It’s cute, you know, how you’re trying to play it cool." You roll your eyes, but the smile tugging at your lips gives you away. “Don’t give me that look,” she teases. “It’s obvious you’re into him. No need to pretend otherwise.” You take a deep breath, leaning against the table as you glance back at your phone. The message from Schlatt still lingers on the screen, his playful challenge hanging in the air. You're not sure why, but something about this feels different, more than just a random flirtation or passing interest.

"Okay, fine," you say, breaking the silence. "Maybe I am a little into him. But I’m not jumping into anything, alright?" Joelle raises her hands. "I'm not entirely suggesting any jumping. But, just so you know, I think he’s got potential." You sigh, trying not to smile at her overzealous enthusiasm. "You’re terrible, you know that?" She shrugs innocently, shit eating grin plastered on her face. "If by terrible you mean ‘helping you get with the potential man of your dreams’, then yes, I do know that."

Your phone buzzes again, snapping you back to the conversation at hand. You glance down at the screen, and a small grin tugs at your lips.

Schlatt: yeah. “that” bad. Schlatt: i’m taking this as a challenge. I could totally make responsible adulthood a little more interesting

Your heart skips a beat. You glance at Joelle, who’s already reading from the seat next to you, waiting for your reaction. Without thinking, you type a response and hit send before you can second-guess yourself.

You: yeah i bet. let’s see what you’ve got

Joelle lets out a small cheer, clearly thrilled by your response. "Look at you, taking the plunge." she says, a teasing tone in her voice.

You glance at your phone one more time, wondering if you just made a huge mistake—or if, maybe, it would be the start of something amazing.

⭑

The rest of your weekend flew by all too fast. The texts from Schlatt come more often now, slipping seamlessly into the rhythm of your daily life. At first, you felt a little nervous, wondering if you were reading too much into it. But soon, you realized he wasn’t just texting you for the sake of it— he genuinely seemed interested, and you couldn’t help but feel the same. It’s not a constant barrage of texts, but there’s a steady stream; lighthearted banter, jokes about your attempts to be a ‘responsible adult,’ and more than a few playful digs at each other’s habits. The conversations flow easily, like you’ve known each other much longer than just a few days. The pressure to impress fades, replaced by something more natural— talking for the sake of talking, sharing small moments and mundane details. The kind of banter you’d have with a friend, but with a hint of something more beneath the surface. The casualness of it all makes you feel a little lighter, more at ease. There’s no pressure, no rush, just two people chatting about whatever comes to mind. You realize, somewhere between the light teasing and the late-night message exchanges, that you’ve gotten used to his presence in your day— his humor, his attention, the way he manages to make you laugh without even trying. It felt… right.

By Wednesday, the texting had become a part of your routine.

Your work day drags on until, finally, it’s time to clock out. You walk home through crisp autumn air, the fading sunlight casting a warm orange glow over the city, wrapping you in its familiar hum. The city you loved was alive, but in this moment, it felt peaceful— like you were in your own little world. 

You had been home for about an hour when you heard the front door open. You turn to see Joelle, eyes wide with excitement, stepping in from work. "Y/N! Oh my god! I have news!" She kicks the door shut behind her, tosses her purse and jacket onto a dining chair, and plops down on the couch next to you. "Hi, first of all." she says, pulling you into a quick hug. "I hope you had a good day. Second of all, look!” She flips her phone around to show you a text she received from Ted.

TED<33: Hey! A bunch of work friends are here in NYC for a Twitch event and we thought it would be fun to throw a lil get-together for everyone at Schlatt’s place on Friday. We’d love it if you and Y/N came as well :)

You blink, surprised. "Oh wow.” Joelle nods, her excitement palpable. “I know, right?” 

Your heart flutters in your chest thinking about seeing Schlatt again, and you knew Joelle had been dying to spend more time with Ted. How could you refuse? You take a deep breath, trying to mask the sudden rush of excitement that floods your chest. "Sure, why not?" you say, a smile beginning to form on your face. 

Joelle grins, practically bouncing in her seat. "Yes! I knew you’d say yes!" She leans in, volume dropping. "At least I was hoping you would, ‘cuz I may have already started mentally picking out an outfit. No pressure, but I’m ready to turn heads. And by heads, I mean Ted’s head."

You chuckle, shaking your head. "I’ll try to keep up with you."

As Joelle practically skips off to her room to sift through her closet, you find yourself glancing at your phone. All of your messages with Schlatt are still fresh in your mind, and the idea of seeing him again makes your stomach flip in a way you can’t quite explain. It’ll be fine– It’s just a party, right?

You let out a breath, shaking off the nerves as you pick up your phone and type out a message to him. 

You: so You: a party, huh?

You get a reply within minutes.

Schlatt: stupid fuckin ted doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut, i was gonna invite you myself Schlatt: but yeah. I figured it would be nice to invite all my buddies over while they’re all in ny Schlatt: you comin’?

You: oh yeah, i’ll be there You: joelle wouldn’t go without me, and how could i deny her the chance to see ted again?

Schlatt: god dude he never shuts up about her

You: yeah she never shuts up about him either You: it’s cute tho

Schlatt: yeah. “cute” Schlatt: more like makes me wanna rip my skin off

You: jealous?

Schlatt: hardly.

You: uh huh, sure You: just admit it, you’re secretly a softie

Schlatt: no chance in hell

You: if you say so! You: anyway. what’s the predicted vibe for this party

Schlatt: probably just a bunch of youtubers getting drunk and being loud, you know the usual Schlatt: but i’m sure it’ll be fun

You: oh wow, sounds like a blast You: honestly i’m a little nervous to be around so many ppl i don’t know, but at least i’ll have a good excuse to drink, LMAO

Schlatt: that’s the spirit.

You: what time should we be there?

Schlatt: official time 8 but u can show up whenever, ted will probably text you guys 20 times before then asking when you’re coming though, lol

You: he’s funny. You: well, guess i’ll see you friday at 8?

Schlatt: hell yeah.

Setting your phone down, you smile. You’ll be seeing him again, in person, and that thought has you feeling unexpectedly giddy. You wonder what it’ll be like—if the easy banter you have over text will translate to the real thing. On top of that, there’s the thought of being around so many new people you’ve never met, adding a layer of nerves you can’t quite shake. But maybe it’s better not to overthink it. It’s just a party, and it’s just Schlatt.

"Just Schlatt." you think, the words echoing in your mind. If you’re honest, it’s starting to feel like so much more than just Schlatt.

The two days leading up to the party felt like an eternity, anticipation building up in your stomach like a ticking time bomb of nerves. By Friday afternoon, you were practically buzzing in your seat at work, waiting for the time you could finally leave and start getting ready for the party. You’ve already checked your phone more times than you’d like to admit, hoping for another text from Schlatt that might ease the suspense, or at least give you something to laugh about— but you were met with radio silence. You assume he’s busy preparing to host, but that doesn’t stop your nerves from creeping in. To distract yourself, you turn to outfit options, sifting through your closet until you find something that feels just right—casual, but still nice, adaptable to whatever vibe the other guests might bring.

You’re in the bathroom just starting on your makeup when you hear the front door swing open and Joelle’s excited footsteps coming down the hall. “Hey, Jelly!” you call out, peeking through the cracked bathroom door. Joelle appears in the doorway, eyes gleaming with excitement. “Heyyy, love the outfit! You ready for tonight?” You smile, a tinge of nervousness peaking through. “I mean… I guess? Not like I really have a choice, right?” She grins. “Nope!”

⭑

Forty-five minutes later, you and Joelle are stepping out onto the sidewalk, feeling a rush of nerves as you take in the towering building in front of you– Schlatt’s apartment complex. “Damn, this place is faaaan-cy,” Joelle comments. She looks over at you, and you both share a nervous, excited glance. “Well,” she says with a shrug, already making her way toward the entrance. “Only one way to go from here!”

As you step into the elevator, Joelle glances down at her phone, re-reading a message from Ted. “Top floor, Penthouse 2B,” she reads aloud, eyebrows raised. “Seriously, how rich is this guy?” She nudges you playfully. “Guess you’ve hit the jackpot.” You roll your eyes, nudging her with a laugh. “Stop it.” 

The elevator dings, and soon you’re stepping out onto the top floor. The hallway is quiet, softly lit and lined with plush, deep blue carpet. You turn right, leading to a sleek door marked with a plaque that reads:

PENTHOUSE SUITE | 2B

Joelle types out a quick text to Ted as you both approach the door. You take a steadying breath, exchanging a glance with her. “You ready?” She gives you a confident nod. “Hell yeah.”

You raise your hand to knock, but before you can make contact, the door swings open to reveal Ted himself, grinning wide.

"Heyyy, look who finally made it!" Ted booms. Behind him, the room hums with laughter, music, and lively conversation. Ted pulls Joelle in for a quick hug, telling her she looks great, and it’s great to see her again. When he turns to you, his face lights up with a playful smirk. "Well hey, Y/N.” he says, arms already open. You laugh, stepping in for a hug. "Hi, Ted." His enthusiasm is infectious, and thinking back to the bar, you can’t help but realize that this seemed to be typical Ted—friendly, warm, and definitely a hugger. 

He steps back, still grinning, and gestures toward the lively scene behind him. “Come on in! I can take your jackets and bags if you want, we’re just tossing them in the closet down the hall.” Ted takes your things as you step inside and heads toward the hallway, leaving you and Joelle alone. You turn to her, shaking your head with a smile. "He’s such a goofball." Joelle leans in close, grinning. "Oh, I know. I need him. Bad." You roll your eyes. "You’re ridiculous." As you look away from Joelle and begin scanning the room, your eyes land on a familiar face.

Schlatt.

He’s completely absorbed in an intense game of beer pong, set up on a plastic folding table in the center of the living room between two couches. Dressed in black jeans and a pale green crewneck, his messy brown curls brushed against his forehead. For a moment, you’re frozen, watching him in the midst of the lively chaos around him. Looking at the lack of cups left on the table, you could tell the game was close. His focus is intense as he lines up to throw the ping-pong ball, eyebrows furrowed. 

God, he was handsome. Intensely focused and entirely in his element, you feel yourself drawn to him, your stomach tightening with a mix of nerves and excitement just from being near him.

The moment is broken when the other person on his team, a guy in a black tank top with short light brown hair and an eyebrow slit, claps him on the back. “Let’s go big guy, sink it!” Schlatt rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Dude, i was trying to lock in and focus, and you totally fucked me up.” 

You stifle a chuckle as the two of them start bickering, and after a moment, Schlatt takes the shot. The ball sinks into the cup, and he pumps his fist in victory. His teammate raises his hand for a high-five as the two guys on the other side of the table drink from the cup– Schlatt leaves him hanging. Then, his gaze shifts, and for a moment, your eyes lock. Flustered, you raise a hand, giving an awkward wave. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips, and he gives you a subtle wave in return. 

Before you even realize it, Ted reappears, pulling your focus from Schlatt’s game. “Alright, guess I'm playin’ host while Schlatt is preocuppied, drinks anyone? We’ve got a ridiculous selection in the kitchen. Beer, tequila, whiskey, vodka, seltzers, literally whatever you want. I’ll be your bartender.” Joelle glances at you, then back to Ted. “Lead the way!”

You follow Ted through the crowded room, weaving past groups of people chatting and laughing, and head into the kitchen. He gestured grandly at the lineup of bottles and mixers on the counter. You scan the options, almost overwhelmed by the sheer variety. “What’ll it be?” Ted asks, leaning against the counter with a playful grin. You glance at Joelle, who’s already eyeing the tequila. “Shots?” she suggests, a mischievous glint in her eye. You laugh, nodding. “Why not?” Ted grins, grabbing three shot glasses and pouring generously. “These are gonna be strong. No complaints after.” You raise an eyebrow playfully as he hands it to you. “I think we can handle a little bit of tequila.”

The three of you clink your glasses together, and you down the shot. The liquor burns on the way down, but the warmth that follows is pleasant. You cough, laughing at Joelle’s exaggerated grimace as she shakes her head. “Smooth.” Ted says with a smirk. “You guys wanna do another?”

“Saving any of that for the rest of us?”

Your breath catches in your throat as you turn around to see Schlatt, running a hand through his hair as he enters the kitchen. He nods at the bottle in Ted’s hand. “Didn’t know we were going hard so early, not that i’m one to talk.” He raises the solo cup in his hand and shakes it, signalling that it was empty.

Ted shrugs, pouring another shot and handing it to Schlatt. “You and Lud win beer pong?”

“Of course we fucking won.” Schlatt shoots back, taking the glass from Ted. “Will and Hasan talk a big game, but they’re pretty dogshit.” He glances at you with a slight smile before turning to Joelle. “You’re Joelle, right? We haven’t officially met—I’m Schlatt.” She grins, nodding. “Yeah, nice to finally meet you!” “Hell yeah.” He raises his glass, and the four of you clink glasses. “Cheers.” he says before downing the shot, face immidiately scrunching up in disgust. “God, I always forget how much I fucking hate tequila.”

Ted and Joelle dissolve into their own conversation– something about a meme they had been texting about earlier, leaving you standing next to Schlatt in silence. You steal a glance at him, unsure of what to say, but he beats you to it. “So, you made it.” he says, folding his arms as he looks you up and down, playful confidence in his gaze. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” “Of course I did,” you reply, matching his smile. “I’m a responsible adult, remember? I follow through with my plans.” 

“Right, responsible,” he says, shaking his head with a smirk. “That definitely explains why you’re here, at a party, which you specifically told me you were using as an excuse to drink since you didn’’t know anyone other than me, Ted, and your roommate.”

You feel a flush creep up your cheeks as he calls you out. "Okay, fair," you laugh, raising your hands in surrender. "But hey, technically, I am being responsible— I showed up with Joelle, I’m not drinking alone, and I know I’ll get home safe. That counts, right?" He leans one arm against the counter, smirk still in place. “Yeah, yeah, if you say so. Sounds like a fancy way to justify a night of poor decisions.” “Poor decisions?” you echo, raising an eyebrow. “We’re just getting started. Who says any of them will be poor?”

“Oh, now you’re making me curious.” His voice drops slightly, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “But really,” he shifts his weight, his eyes darting to the floor, then back up at yours. “It's nice to see you. In person, I mean. Good to know you weren’t just some drunken hallucination and I’ve actually been texting a real person all week.”

You smile, feeling the warmth in your cheeks deepen. “Yeah, it’s nice to see you too.” The two of you hold eye contact, and for a moment, the tension between you lingers, thick and unspoken. Unable to handle it any longer, you break the silence with a light laugh. “But who knows? Maybe I have been a drunken hallucination this whole time. You’re actually just talking to yourself in your kitchen right now.” He lets out a soft laugh, and you continue. “Oh I'm serious, everyone is staring– it’s super weird.”

He rolls his eyes with a grin. “Alright, alright. Now you’re pushin’ it.”

You both chuckle, the moment settling comfortably between you. Then Ted leans in, breaking the pause. “So, what’s next?” he asks, glancing between you, Schlatt, and Joelle. A cheer erupts from down the hall, likely from the latest beer pong game. Schlatt shrugs, nodding toward the noise.

“Wanna play the next round?”

← last chapter ⭑ next chapter →

[mister-sandwich]

GREAT TIMING ACTUALLY.

[sillybabybear]

𝔥𝔞𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔡

🍓 tw // eensie weensie slight death mention

💐 ChuckleTrio // tagged with 🥪༘ ChuckleWriting

🍧 reader details // gn minor reader, child of 🥪!Ted

You were the child of the once infamous Ted Nivison, and despite his violent reputation, you had no qualms with this. Your father and mother treated you well and gave you a good life. Your childhood was fairly normal and honestly idyllic. You knew of your father's past being a dark one which he didn't discuss, and that was fine by you. All you knew was that once he was bad, but now? He was a fantasic father. And you loved him all the same. As far back as your memory would allow, though, you'd never been alone. In dreams and in daily life, an unfamiliar face would show itself, seemingly accompanying you constantly. Your father, at your young age, wrote this off as an imaginary friend.

"Why, kids your age have imaginary friends all the time, kiddo! It's nothing to worry about! Does he have a name?" Your response, sounding more lighthearted now that you'd been assured of your normalcy, was "Charlie! He says his name is Charlie!!"

The familiar name sent a subtle shiver down Ted's spine, but he hid it from you. That night, he texted Schlatt, who was on a similar, reformed path.

"Hey Schlatt..?" he quickly typed, requesting to call, slightly frantic. He'd been keeping this down all day, yet he had a sneaking suspicion there was more to this. Schlatt disagreed, reassuring him, "Ted, it's nothin'. Yer just paranoid. Charlie's been gone for years now. 's a common name, yeah? Its not like he's hauntin' yer kid or somethin'!" Ted heard this comforting rationalization and agreed, and the two mostly never spoke of the ordeal beyond a passing mention as an in-joke.

Charlie, though? He had other plans. All of a sudden, the imaginary friend went from primary school, to elementary. Then, Middle. And...high school. You were also painfully aware of how unusual such a thing was. And so you never mentioned it to you parents, or friends, or...anybody.

"Y/N!" Charlie exclaimed, turning to face you. The light of your laptop was bright against his face. Your eyes shifted from the heavy textbook in front of you to look and see what had him calling for you, and you questioned if he had found anything useful. Hey, this may be odd, but he helped you with homework, so you're not complaining!

"Yeah, check it out." He said, highlighting a specific paragraph. You thanked him and took notes, marking the website for future reference. "No problem, kid! What can I say, im the best in the business."

"Sweetie, Dinner's ready!" Called a blissfully unaware Ted from the kitchen, prompting you to stand up.

"Sorry Charlie, I gotta go." you said, and he responded with a begrudging sigh. "Okay, okay...I'll see you in a bit, then."

"See you, Charles!" And with that, you were off to Dinner, leaving Charlie to think over his current dilemma which he always found his mind wandering to when he was left unattended.

Would he ever be able to pass on..?

Hey, if you read this far, thanks bunches! I dont really write on tumblr, this is my first time! I hope it turned out okay, and sorry for the length, i dunno how to do them fancy cut off things i see other folks doin!! If you have any (polite) tips on writing or formatting, please let me know!! have a nice day/night, ya'll! (also i may do a sequel if i feel the need/its requested)

[pequins]

IRL P0RN VISUALS 🔗

cont : slimecicle , ted nivison & jschlatt .

MDNI NSFW AHEAD

all vids are from twitter , you might have to log in to see them.

( more to be added when i find them )

SCHLATT

a/n : he looks so fucking good in this video im gonna chew on him

schlatt giving you a punishment for being a brat

( LC ) schlatt jerking vid

teasing / c^nt slapping

sub!schlatt org4sm denial

CHARLIE

c^nt slapping

against the desk

size difference

TED NIVISION

f!ngering

p^ssy eating

size difference

[renranram]

Maid dress

nsfw!!

schlatt jerking off to reader while she's streaming, obvi inspired when j bought wenston some maid outfits and people were calling him his sugar daddy lols

a/n ; 886 words :)

reader flaunts herself at the camera, spinning whilst she tries on the maid outfit schlatt had bought her, " chat, do i look pretty? " she smiles as she assembles the outfit

meanwhile schlatt was on the call with her, eyes immensely focused on her live stream, " jesus fuck, you look worse " he mutters as reader glares at him through the camera

" well, you bought this for me, so maybe it's not me who's the problem " she rolls her eyes at him as schlatt chuckles, not taking his eyes off his screen once

the two had been close friends for over a year now, meeting through, shamefully, the dsmp, the duo are very different ccs on their own, reader being more into makeup and gaming whilst schlatt's varies

ever since they first met on the server the two just sparked a connection, coming off as frenemies for the public, a banter of theirs but exactly off camera, it was a whole different story

schlatt is reader's sugar daddy

at first reader would just joke about being broke, " oh my fucking godd it's so pretty but i dont wanna waste my money ", " that's so fucking expensive ", " okay im broke " until schlatt got tired and actually offered her to be her sugar daddy

at first reader thought it was a joke, a silly new banter for them but nope!, every week, new parcels would arrive on the streamer's doorstep with small notes, but chat doesn't know that, chat doesn't need to know that

" fine, ill get you a new one done " he mumbles, as he scrolls through amazon, " anime french maid apron lolita fancy dress cosplay costume furry cat ear gloves socks set " he reads out the title causing reader to chuckle as they wear the stockings for the uniform

" oh it comes in pink " he added as reader smiles, " i like pink " she replies as schlatt scoffs, " of course you do "

as the girl sits down on her bed to wear the stockings, schlatt's eyes linger down on her bare thighs, enjoying the view as he leans back on his chair

" do you need something else too? " he mutters as reader gasps, " oh my gosh! you should buy me that uhm... blaire doll thing " she smiles as schlatt shakes his head, " blaire doll thing? " he repeats her, " the fuck is that? "

reader tries to wear the collar to complete the look, " it's like a doll! " she states as she grabs her phone to show off the picture

" that's an ugly looking doll " he mutters, as he gulps, looking down at his now hard on, unironically finding reader in a whole cat maid dress... hot

" more uglier than you are " she retorts as he chuckles, " guess no more doll for you then " schlatt replies, shrugging as reader gasps, now pouting

" im kiddingggg pleaseee buy me one? " she pleads looking at the camera as her live chat speeds up, " .. fuck.. " he groans out, not loud enough for his mic to pick up, him slowly sliding in his hand inside his shorts

" please please please " she continues, as she reads off the chat, " please jschlatt senpai " she bursts out laughing, mentally cringing as schlatt chuckles, " ..fine "

" yay! chat! we fucking wonnn! " she celebrates as she jumps around the frame, clasping her hands together, " we're the best at this shit " she shrugs, smug, unaware that the man she's in a call with is already jerking off to her

" reader.., think im gonna mute for a sec, gotta do something " he mumbles as reader nods, understanding, " bet, im gonna talk with chat for a bit " she smiles, as schlatt immediately mutes himself

" fuck.. what a fucking whore.. i didn't actually think she'd do a stream " schlatt chuckles, amused as he palms himself, as reader did what she said, interacting with her audience

" what a pretty slut holy shit " he chuckles, clearly amused as he bites his lip, his rough hand playing with his dick

" chat i look so pretty right? " reader asks, fixing her hair as chat spams yes, " you damn sure are " he mumbles, as he grabs the base of his cock, using his saliva for lube

" ah fuck, fucking.. so fucking pretty " he breathes out, his body shuddering slightly as he jerks himself off, his eyes never leaving her

" fuck.. fuck.. " schlatt throws his head back as he leans back on his chair, fastening his pace, " stupid fucking whore.. "

he moans out, lifting his shirt up, as he continues to palm himself at the sight of her, he's never gonna buy her those stupid costumes again

or maybe he'll rain her with more gifts, then maybe a flight to texas so she can show everything off to him... maybe

his lashes flutter, fastening his already fast pace as he continues to moan, " stupid fucking slut, .. shit... pretty- pretty whore " he stammers

he can feel his precum leaking as reader talks with her chat, innocent yet suggestive, that stupid maid dress, if schlatt can immediately fly to london, he fucking would, he'd immediately bend her over, not caring if she was streaming or not and fuck her like some animal

" ah fuck! " he moans loudly, his semen, spurting on his keyboard making a fucking mess, " shit... " he groans out

maybe instead of ordering her a new costume, maybe he'll fly her out instead

[schlattslonghairytoes]

can i come over?

when schlatt moves to texas an unexpected storm leaves him with no where to go, will you offer up a room to your friend?

streamer reader x streamer schlatt

you had lived in texas since you attended college at texas a and m

orginally you went to ithica college, but you transfered during your sophmore year

you now had your own apartment as you were out of college

you knew a couple of other content creators who lived in the area, but not many

your closest friend, ted nivison, lived in los angeles, but you went to visit him every now and again

your phone rang, "gangnum style" blasting in your ears and groaned, you reached for your phone, only to be met with a picture of you and theodore from college freshman year

"i need your help guppie." teds face filled the screen and his dopey smile made you laugh

"you woke me up mr grouper." your nicknames came from the first time you got high together and decided to watch bubble guppies

"wakey wakey! does this fit look ok?" he set the camera down and walked away from the camera, he did a little spin before grabbing his phone again

"yes you look very fashionable theo. can i go back to sleep now?" ne nodded but very quickly realized he had something else to tell you

"wait really quick, remember schlatt? you met him during the lunch club era" you scanned your sleepy memory trying to remember this guy you probably met once.

"um, tall right? good looking?" ted nodded and laughed, sitting down at his desk

"glad to hear thats what you remember. anyways, im pretty sure hes moving out to Austin in the coming months, so you guys should talk cause he only knows a handfull of people out there." ted said

"cool. can i please sleep now." your tired brain did not care for this random man barely remember.

"yes, reach out to him ok?" he smiled at the camera

"yes theodore kennedy nivison junior. love you. byeeeee" and with that you ended the call.

you didnt really think about teds call all that much, untill around 3 months later you recieved a text from an unknown number

even though schlatt then tried ghosting you, ted finally convinced him to man up and keep talking to one of the few people living where he was soon moving

over the span of a month you two had been constantly talking, to the point where you were starting to consider him as one of your closest friends

you would facetime atleast once a day, text everyday, and you even streamed twice together on your account

you were getting very excited to have a new friend so close by

then came the storm.

you lived alone with your dog, and you knew your house would not be ready for this shit.

you stalked up on food, blankets, flashlights

basically anything you could get your hands on

and you bunkered down at your house with your dog, getting ready to thug the next few days out

you were scrolling on your phone, on the first night of the storm, power already out, house fucking freezing, and you see schlatt had posted on his snap story

you open it to find a video of him yelling outside of a completely dark marriot

screaming about how thats where he is supposed to be staying

and you were getting very worried, like your new friend who youve never met in person, might deadass freeze to death.

so you did what any caring soul like yourself would do

you swipe up on his story with your address and a follow up message saying "pull up to mi casa papi 🍆 "

and hope he would hurry so you could go to bed

around twenty minutes later you layed cuddled with your dog bundled in over ten blankets

when felt your house fucking shake with how hard schlatt was banging on your door

you walked downstairs, and opened the door, to a giant, shivering, and covered in snow schlatt, who you immediatly wrapped in a hug and dragged upstairs

"c'mon lets get you nice and warm." you brought him to your room where you turned your bed into a nice warm spot for him "i have some clothes for you, they were my brothers so they should fit" you smiled up at him

he hadnt said much yet and you could see the stress seeping through his face, he dropped his stuff and kinda just hugged you.

"you ok?" you laugh as he pulls away from the hug. he smiles sadly before sitting down on your bed

"ive been better ill be honest" he laughed quietly.

"some first day here huh?" you pat him on the back, trying to comfort him.

"you could say that. holy shit i thought that was a stuffed animal" he says looking at your dog

"go change dumbass, bathrooms on the right" you watch as schlatt takes the clothes and walks to your bathroom, you think you even hearhim flick on the light switch.

"do you want a flashlight?" you yell out to him, to which you get a small "please" back in return, you laugh and leave a flashlight infront of the door

you get comfy in the small sofa in your room, as schlatt was not going to fit on it, and your other bedroom was turned into your office. but you didnt mind him taking the bed

he came out of the bathroom minutes later and quietly shut the door behind him when he turned around he was looking at you kinda funny

you began to ask what was wrong before he cut you off "absolutely not, im not kicking you off your bed, get up" he towered over you on the sofa

"schlatt shut the fuck up, your not fitting on this thing, i barely do."

"you have a king size bed, were sharing, me you and that oddly stuffed animal looking dog c'mon get a move on" he got into the bed and waited for you and your dof to follow him

you laughed and made your way over, your dog following closely behind. you flop down onto the bed and look at the man laying next to you

"crazy this is the first time we're meeting" he says getting comfy

you lay another blanket on the both of you as your dog jumps up on the bed and lays between the two of you "im glad ted introduced us" you take a moment to inspect him

you two had called on discord many times and FaceTimed, but nothing lived up to the real thing.

"im really happy he introduced us too."

guys i kinda hate how this turned out

sorry 😣 😥 😦 😧 😨 😪 😢 😞 😰 😿 🫤 ❤️‍🩹 ☹️ 😐

[hufflepuffsthunderdome]

Bikini Bottom

Schlatt x Fem!reader Summary: Reader is anxious about the scars on her legs, and struggles with wearing a bikini to the pool. Schlatt just wants to reassure them and remind them how beautiful he thinks they are. Content: she/her pronouns, fluff, angst w/ comfort, panic attacks, self criticism, body image issues, scars, allusions to self-harm or injuries (nothing specific), kissing A/N: This was based on this request from the lovely @imgayandvoreethatsall it was such a cute request I got a little bit carried away writing it so it is loooonggg.

You feel your lip wabble as you eye yourself in the mirror, tilting your head to the side as you take in your reflection staring back at you. Mocking you. It was a scorching week in LA and everyone was making use of the pool that came with the Airbnb you were staying at, as they had been everyday the temperature had hit anywhere near 80 degrees.

It was a gorgeous pool, with a huge patio, deck chairs, glass fencing overlooking the LA hills, one of those stupid waterfall things that all the rich people had. You'd been spending most of your week feeling shit, despite the gorgeous background, lounging on a deck chair in your t-shirt and shorts, trying to keep your eyes glued to the pages of the book you were reading. Every now and again though, you'd look up and just eye your friends having fun in the pool. The chuckle boys were here, filming some stuff, Tucker, his wife, Ted, his girlfriend, Schlatt and a number of other mutual friends they had invited to hang out, including you.

You couldn't help the jealousy in your eyes as you looked at all your friends as they seemed to glide around the pool without a care in the world. It wasn't their fault, you loved them dearly, but it's true when they say there's a certain type of person in LA. Tall, slim, tanned, stunning. You'd watch your girlfriends as they'd sit next to the pool, their long, slim, smooth legs danging in the water, their bleach blonde hair tossed back as they laughed, sun shining off their pearly white teeth. God it made you feel ill.

You had gotten out of it all originally, when the pool talk came up, "oh I don't have a swim suite," you had told Ted, cringing at the disappointment on the faces of your friends as you shrugged softly, "I'll come sit out there though."

But as the temperature kept ticking up, your friends kept asking, and by god did you wanna use the pool. So you bit the bullet, fucking chewed and swallowed that thing more like, and went out and bought a bikini.

It was cute, you had to admit to yourself as you look at yourself in the mirror, and if it was anything else you'd be fawning over yourself in it. It was some ruffly thing that hugged your chest great, high waisted bottoms cupping your ass and stopping just below your belly button. As cute as it was it did nothing to cover your legs.

You feel the tears well up in your eyes as you look down at them, sucking your lip between your teeth to stop the flood gate from opening. Long scars litter the sides of your upper leg, some red, some pink, some white, staring up at you mockingly. It 's embarrassing, walking around with these stupid lines on your legs. While everyone else is model esque perfect, you're covered in the permanent reminder of your past. Of pain and suffering that taunt you, knowing you've missed that chance at perfection.

A soft knock at the door startles you away from the mirror as it creaks open the tiniest bit at your silence. "Y/N?" you hear Schlatt say, his accent thick on his tongue as his tone is soft and gentle, "you ok?"

You hum, as you quickly scramble for your shorts, pulling on the board shorts over your legs as you open the door, plastering on a smile as you look up at Schlatt, "hey, I'm good yeah."

He laughs as he moves out of the way, letting you step out of the room, "I thought you got lost in the bed sheets."

You laugh softly as you walk with him out to the pool, tugging on your shorts when you feel them ride up the tiniest bit, "I was just hyping myself up." you admit softly as you feel your face warm up at your confession.

"For what?"

“You know,” you say as you motion down to your bikini, stomach tensing when you feel his eyes trail down your body. Schlatt next to you swallows thickly as he looks over your body, admiring the way the bikini top hugs your chest, the way the shorts hang off your hips so enticingly.

“You coming swimming?” he asks, as he snaps his eyes back up to your face, furrowing his brow at the anxiety on your face. Your small nod is all he needs before a grin is breaking out on his face and he's hoisting you up into his arms the second your feet hit the outdoor patio. You squeal in delight as you thrash around in his arms, his gaze loving as he beams up at you as you squirm. “Look who I dragged out,” he calls out excitedly as your friends cheer, ignoring your shrieks of protest as he strides over to the pool, howling with laughter as he unceremoniously drops you into the water.

Everyone's calmed down a bit as the afternoon wears on, lounging in or around the pool as they chat happily. You're standing over with Schlatt and your friend Amy as you all chat, your body pressed up next to Schlatt as you lean against the wall.

"I wanna get a photo," Sophie, a girl you don't know super well says excitedly as she stands up from her towel. Some people excitedly shuffles over to the fence of the property, overlooking the hills, Amy grinning down at you when she pulls herself out of the pool, "you coming?"

You hesitate as you look at her outstretched hand, going to reach out for her to help you out before Sophie's valley girl voice cuts you off, "maybe the next one Y/N? Like we love a 2000s chic board short look but... this one's for the 'gram," she says as she stares at her phone, not even looking up at you, "you know how it is."

A tense silence falls over the pool as your friends stare at Sophie in shock, a few people you don't know super well humming in agreement, as you let Amy pull you out of the pool none the less. You look at Amy to see the shock already on her face, turning to meet Schlatt's eyes and see the anger burning behind his iris.

"Fine," you mumble as you push the shorts down your legs, taking a deep breath as you push yourself forward and walk over to where the girls are lining up, "am i 'gram ready now?" you say, sickly sweet as Amy laughs next to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder.

Schlatt stares in awe at your confidence, as much as he can tell you're putting it on. He loves seeing you like this, unwilling to take anyone's shit, it's hot in a way he's not brave enough to admit out loud. He lets out a low whistle as he moves over to the other wall, closer to where you're all waiting to take the photo, "yeah Y/N," he says as he claps, smiling to himself as he watches you blush and turn your head into Amy's neck to whisper something to her. He wolf whistles at you while you take the photo, not so subtly hyping you up as he admires you, watching as you laugh at his antics and cling to Amy as Tucker snaps pictures of all of you.

"That was incredible," he says, a proud grin plastered on his face when you get back in the pool, "you've got the biggest balls of anyone here, shutting her up like that.”

That makes you throw your head back and laugh as you sink back into the pool next to him, placing a hand on his bicep to help you in, "thanks for hyping me up."

"You don't have to thank me," he says sweetly as he takes a gently hold of your waist and helps you in, "that's what I'm here for."

Sophie didn't even end up posting the photos, you think she got her ego hurt a bit by everyone teasing her about her 'gram for the rest of the afternoon. But Amy did, and you couldn't stop tearing over them.

They were cute photos, some of the group, some of just the two of you she had taken, but god you couldn’t stop looking at your legs. You should've put your shorts back on, Amy wouldn't have mind. you should’ve asked her even to edit them, she would’ve said yes, but you couldn’t face the embarrassment. Instead, you just sat here, feet danging in the water as you zoomed in on yourself, not even daring to open the comments.

"Hey," you hear Schlatt's voice say as he approaches you from the house, hand coming over your shoulder to hand you a bottle of something that you take eagerly. He smiles down at you as he sits down, rather ungracefully next to you, legs joining yours in the water with a splash, "you alright?"

That's something you always admired about Schlatt, his ability to turn it off and just be with you when you needed it. He was undeniably loud and in your face when he wanted to be, but he had this ability of reading the room like no one you've ever met before, knowing when you needed someone to just sit and talk. You look up at him and nod as you sip your drink, turning to look back at your phone next to you.

"What's wrong?"

You let out an annoyed groan as you lay back on the tiles behind you, unlocking and handing him your phone. There's no point hiding it from him, he has a way of reading you, you might as well just show him.

He scrolls across the pictures Amy posted, smiling to himself when he sees the one of you with her, tilting your head back and laughing, "what's wrong with these? They're cute."

"Cute?!" you say as you look up at him wide eyed, "omg cute?! Look at my legs," you groan, "ugh it makes me wanna puke."

"Your legs?" he asks as he glances at you, face scrunched up in confusion before he looks back at the phone, "what's wrong with your - oh," he says as his eyebrows raise when he notices what you're talking about.

"Oh god it's so bad isn't it?"

"What? No, no I didn't mean it like that," he says as he zooms in on your legs, taking in the sight of the scars littering them that he's never really taken note of before. He's seen them sure, but he's always been too focused on the soft curves of your thighs to ever really notice.

You're both silent for a while before he speaks, "is this why you haven't been swimming with us?" You just nod as you take the phone back from his hands, zooming in on yourself again as you sigh.

He glances down at you next to him as he takes in your sad expression, feeling his heart ache as he watches your slumped figure stare intently at your phone, "you have an even bigger dick than I thought then for earlier."

You laugh softly as you roll your eyes, looking up at him as you nudge him, sitting up again. "But seriously," he continues, "I'm proud of you," he says as he looks down at you, taking in the way your face is lit up in the dim blue light of the pool.

"Really?" you whisper back, leaning into his side the tiniest bit as you seek out his warmth.

"It's not easy, putting yourself on display," he says as his eyes flick down to your legs for the tiniest second before meeting your face again, hand twitching at his side as he fights the urge to reach out and touch you, "especially when you're worried about something like that."

You nod silently as you fully lean into his side now, resting your head against his arm as the two of you enjoy each other's presence. It feels nice, to feel seen like this, to have someone who notices you, faults and all, and is here anyway.

"When I started gaining weight, it took me ages before I was willing to swim without a shirt on again," he admits as he snakes an arm around to rest on the tile next to your hip.

"Really?!" you ask as you look up at him, turning slightly to rest your chin on his arm as you watch him stare down at the water.

"Oh yeah, like so long," he nods as he moves his legs in the water, watching the way it ripples around his movement, "I was just convinced that everyone would be staring at me the entire time," he shrugs, "and like, sometimes people do you know? I'm not gonna lie... but most people didn't even think twice about it. And if they did they didn't care."

"Do you think anyone noticed my legs today?" you ask as you pull away, looking up at him pensively as you think back on the day. It's hard to remember if the burning of people's gazes on your body was real or just your anxiety convincing you it was.

"Honestly?" he asks softly and you nod, "probably not. Like not in a bad way, just like, I don't think most of our friends really pay attention to that sort of shit."

There's a moment of silence before he's laughing as he looks down at you, "I know I for one was more focused on these puppies," he says as he dramatically and blatantly staring at your chest, "awooga," he says as he hangs his tongue out and dramatically pants.

"I hate you," you say as you fall apart laughing, pushing him away from you and watching him dramatically fall into the pool.

"Don't look so hot and we won't have a problem," he laughs when he comes up to the surface, laying on his back and flailing a bit as he attempts to float.

"You're so unbuoyant?" you question as you stare at him confused, howling in laughter as he flails around.

"Oh yeah like you can do any better," he says as he faux glares at you, fighting the smile creeping onto his lips at the sound of you laughing.

You bite your lip as you smile giddily, pressing your hands against the edge of the pool and slipping into the cool water as you feel it envelope you, "I'm a goddamn pool floatie, I'll have you know."

You lay back in the water, and let yourself float, the rhythmic pattern of the pool jets whirling through the water as it surrounds you, calming you. Your breathing sounds impossibly loud as you take long and deep breaths, but you open your eyes to find the night sky staring back at you. It's not often you see starts in LA, but the few twinkling in the night right now ground you. It's just you, Schlatt and the sky right now, the way you like it.

You flip back over and dunk under the water, pushing your hair back out of your face as you swim up and smile up at Schlatt, "told you so," you tease, but find him already staring at you.

He's looking at you, lips parted slightly as he leans against the wall of the pool, arms resting on the side as his eyebrows raise when you meet his gaze. It makes your heart stutter as you swim closer to him. His tongue swipes across his lower lip as you approach, hands coming to rest by his side as he looks down at you, sinking down into the water so he's closer to you.

"I'm glad you came in with me," he whispers as he smiles softly down at you, almost nervous to break the silence in the air, "I know it's not easy," he takes a deep breath as he gently brings a hand down to touch your waist, "you look amazing though."

You let out a dismissive scoff and shake your head, turning to look off into the distance as you feels Schlatt's eyes stay locked on yours, "thanks," you whisper softly, not really believing it yourself.

You feel his large hand, surprisingly delicate, take a hold of your chin gently and turn your head to look back at him. His eyes stare down at you, soft and loving as you feel the warmth rush to your face as you gaze up at him, "I mean it, you're so beautiful."

He leans in closer, just a tiny bit, but it's enough to make the water ripple around you. His hand moves from your chin to cup your cheek gently, other hand moving under the water to hover over your outer thigh. You feel the water move and you let out a shaky breath, as you bring your hand down to touch his, gently pressing it into your skin. His large hand lays delicately on your thigh for a second, before pressing into the skin ever so slightly as his thumb rubs along your cheek, "you're the most stunning person I've ever seen."

The way he says it, so soft, so earnest, filled with love and unspoken words, makes you let out a shaky breathe you didn't realise you were holding as you move in closer to him. Your eyes flutter shut as you lean into his hand, basking in the feeling of his warmth, his hands on your thigh, soft breath hitting your lips.

You're so caught up in the feeling of each other that you hadn't even noticed the door slide open, or the sound of wet footsteps running towards the pool until a tidal wave of water wallops you and Schlatt as Tucker and Ted laugh manically when they resurface.

"Ever the good timing fellas," Schlatt mumbles, apologetic eyes drifting to you when you swim away from him.

You had made your escape the night before, clambing out of the pool into the dark, where you could secure a towel around you and bask in your safety under it's cover and sinking into the group inside to chat happily with your friends.

Now however, as the sun rose over the horizon, you found yourself looking over your body the same as yesterday. The scars on your thighs stuck out to you like a sore thumb, but you felt better today, more confident. No one would notice and if they did, they wouldn't care, you told yourself. At least Schlatt wouldn't care, he had your back.

"Here she is," Amy squeals excitedly from where she's lounging in the pool when she sees you coming, flopping off the floatie with an excited giggle as she pushes her sunnies up her face.

"And looking fucking fine as hell I might add," Schlatt says with a grin on his face as he walks out of the house behind you, just loud enough for you to hear, bottles of beer in his hand. You roll your eyes and scrunch up your nose as you steal a beer from his hand, walking over to join your friends in the pool.

The day goes on, the sun beaming down on everyone, and you find for the first time in a long while, you're able to forget about your body. Forget about the way you look and the things you hate about it and just exist. It's not perfect, but it's a start.

Schlatt watches from the window in the kitchen of the airbnb as you play with some beach ball someone found, passing it around to people as you grin happily. He just stares, beers he came in to get getting warm on the counter as he just stands there and watches you enjoy yourself. You look angelic; sunkissed and carefree, something he hasn't seen from you in a long time.

"You'll burn a hole through her head if you keep staring," Ted laughs as he walks into the kitchen behind Schlatt, putting the beers he got out back in the fridge and grabbing cool ones instead.

“Can you blame me man,” he says, not even trying to deny that he was staring, he's played this coy denial game when Ted's asked about his feelings for you for too long to care anymore, "she looks great in that bikini."

“That's what's making you act so clingy?” Ted asks as he stands next to Schlatt, taking a sip of his beer as he hands one to Schlatt. Schlatt just nods, watching the way you move as you jump up in the water to grab the beach ball.

Ted lets out a whistle as he watches too, "I can't blame you dude," he says as he takes a gulp of his drink and dodging away from the friendly punch he knows is coming, "she is pretty hot."

More people had trickled into the Airbnb for the rest of the afternoon, as the sun slowly began to set. People you didn't really recognise, friend of a friend kinda people that were just so LA, as Schlatt had said after escaping a conversation with some surfer looking dude and retreating back to your group.

Ted and Amy had been bouncing around the new people who've rocked up, you're not sure if they're their friends or if they're both just social like that, but you, Schlatt and Tucker had retreated to your safe little corner of the pool, to just chat happily.

“Come on you lot,” Ted says as he comes around the pool to your corner, “stop being antisocial.” He whisks you all over to a large group that has formed around a tiny, shitty little fire pit, where chairs had been pulled over to form little groups.

“Some fire,” Tucker scoffs as Ted forces you all to sit down next to him, with a few other people who are chatting to each other.

“The whole city will burn down if you even think of anything bigger,” you laugh as you eye the tiny fire pit, the light from it casting you in a warm glow as you feel the water on you begin to dry in it's slight heat.

Seeming to notice your precence suddenly, the rest of your new little groups introduces themselves and begin to join you in on their conversation. They're talking about some movie they worked on recently that Ted is fascinated by, and you smile and nod along to as you listen to their stories.

They're a very sweet group, you get to know them for a while as they chat, but they're not the most tactful. They had said some weird things already, that you can tell weren't meant to be mean, but just weren't thought through before they slipped out. Something about Tucker being a bad guy for joining the military, and Schlatt's accent making him sound uneducated or some shit. Stupid stuff that the guys shrugged off.

Something you couldn't shrug off though, were the looks they kept giving you. The not so subtle glances you'd catch when they'd look at you, eyes blatantly drifting down to your legs everytime you'd talk. Unlike yesterday, you couldn’t convince yourself this was in your head. This was happening right in front of you, obviously and without shame.

They kept doing it, just openly staring at the scars up your thighs whenever you talked, as if you were nothing more than a spectical to gawk at. You weren't sure if they were even listening, or if they only pretended they were so they could get another look to judge you.

You knew what would happen, the second you all left they'd start whispering, what happened to her? How did she get those scars? Just sitting there like that, out in the open?

You couldn't breathe proeprly, your chest getting tighter everytime you felt their eyes burning into your skin. Each time they'd turn to look at you it felt hotter and closer, as if they were silently telling more poeple to look. To turn and stare at the freak, to point and laugh at your scars. God it was so embarrassing. You felt disgusting.

"I'll be back," you blurt suddenly, interupting Tucker as you stand up, knocking your chair over in the process as you fumble to pick it up, throat feeling tight when more people look over at the comotion. You push your way through the group and book it into the house, finding the first room you can, luckily a bathroom and locking the door behind you.

You tear a towel off the hanger and wrap it around your waist to save yourself having to look at your scars anymore, hands shaking as you attempt to secure it. You grip the counter as much as you can as you double over, heaving chest attempting to breathe as you stare down at the sink, gasping. Your head feels like it's spinning, eyes struggling to focus on anything as you look up at the ceiling, panting and weezing as you try to calm yourself down.

The door handle jiggles and you choke back a gasp as you try to stay silent, short shallow gasps escaping your lips as you try not to choke. It jiggles again and you manage to cough out, "occupied."

“It's me,” Schlatt's concerned voice comes from the other side, "can I come in?”

You let our a choked breath as you reach blindly for the door, unlocking it and stepping back against the wall as Schlatt pushes the door open and steps inside, shutting it behind him.

You stare up at the ceiling, throat tightening more as you feel his concerned eyes on you, heaving to bring in a breath as you refuse to look at him. It's a heartbreaking sight, to watch you like this, watch your face scrunch up in pain as you struggle to breath. He reaches out a hand gently, hovering it just over your shoulder, "can I touch you?"

You nod urgently as you finally lower your gaze to look at him, sputtering as you feel the spit pool in your mouth as you cough and choke, doubling over as you try to calm yourself down.

"You're ok," he says softly, watching you with concerned eyes as he slowly lowers you to the ground, which you happily oblige, going to pull your knees up to your chest to sooth yourself before he stops you, "sit up straight if you can."

You follow his soft instructions as your brain throbs, hazy from the lack of oxygen you're taking in. You preen at his soft praise, "that's perfect, now breathe with me ok."

His voice shakes with nerves as he watches you struggle, hands gripping your shoulders firmly as he keeps his face infront of your eyes, taking a deep breath in and nodding as you attempt to follow. "Perfect, that's perfect."

He sits with you for a while, breathing with you through the panic attack until you can breathe on your own. He feels his own breathing return to normal when you slump your head back against the wall, eyes shutting from exhaustion as your chest begins to rise and fall in a steady pattern.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asks, looking at you with furrowed brows as he keeps his arms firmly on your shoulders. He doesn't wanna push you to talk if you're not ready, but he desperately wants to know what happened to make you feel this way.

"They were staring," you say, voice barely above a whisper as your face scrunches up as the painful burn of their gazes return to your skin.

His face morphs to one of realisation as he glances down at the towel around your waist, heart aching at the pain across your face, "shit, Y/N," he whispers as he pulls you into a tight hug. His strong arms wrap firmly around you, bringing you closely into his chest as he buries his face in your hair, rubbing your back when he feels you exhale a shaky breath into his chest. He just wants to keep you here, in his arms, where he can make sure you know how perfect you are.

"I know it won't help with how shit it feels," he whispers into your hair, "but seriously fuck them," he presses a gentle kiss to your head as he asks, "was it that lot we were sitting with?"

You just nod as you burry you head further into his chest, trying to escape the world. His arms tighten again around you and you feel your heartbeat in your ears as he holds you firmly against him. You barley make out what he says over the static in your brain as you melt against him, something about their personalities being faker than their teeth.

"At least you're fucking real," he says as he pulls away slightly, keeping his arms tight around your waist, "real and strong... and fucking perfect."

His words warm you up from the inside as you gaze up at him, sucking your lip between your teeth as your stomach flutters. You are real, and so is he. Right now, the feeling of his arms firmly around your waist is more real and more important to you than anything else outside this bathroom.

He watches you, eyes drifting down to your teeth as they chew in your lip, his thumb coming up to gently tug it free. Running the pad of his thumb across the smooth, soft skin of your lip he can't help the way his lips part, the way his breathing gets heavier as he takes in the sight of you, "so perfect," he whispers again as he leans in.

His thumb moves from your lips and is replaced with the soft warmth of his lips against yours, gently ghosting over yours, giving you a chance to pull away.

You pull your arms free from where they're sandwiched between you two and wrap them around his neck, pulling him closer to you. You push your lips firmer against his, melting into the kiss as you push yourself against his.

Schlatt lets out a breath into your mouth he didn't realise he was holding, your lips moving against his as he poured all his love and devotion into the kiss. He wanted you to feel beautiful. To feel safe. To feel loved. He pulled you closer again, flush against his chest, sure you could feel his heart beat against yours as your lips moved in tandem. He felt the spark that everyone talks about, that spark that he always thought was some sappy shit, but right now feels so real.

You lift yourself onto your knees, kneeling with him so you're closer to his height, lips staying locked together. He was warm, and gentle, taking his time to move his lips against yours in a way that reminded you that he was here for you, nothing else. Just you, as you are. The towel shifts from your waist and drops down your legs a bit, leaving you in your bikini and him in his shorts, warm skin pressed against each other. His hand comes down to lay gently against your thigh, soft and gentle against the scars there, and you don't move, you don't flinch or shy away, instead, you lean into him more.

He pulls away panting softly, his hold firm and loving on you as he whispers against your lips, "you're so perfect."

For the first time in a long time you believe it.

[frostedsugarcookiehearts]

² it's a friday, (i'm in love)

୨ৎ

as chappell roan said, "your favorite artists' favorite artist"— but for you, it was more like your celebrity crushes celebrity crush!

you'd been on youtube for a long time now, flying under the radar of the algorithm for a good while. there were pluses and minuses to this arrangement, of course— you didn't live in a multi-billion-jillion dollar mansion, but also, your fanbase was small and dedicated, and you still lit up every time when you saw a fan edit or fan art.

out of sheer luck, a friend of a friend of a friend of a... well, you get the jist, but you knew ted through mutual friends. you'd met at a party once, and you geeked out upon meeting him, chatting his ear off. he had more subscribers than people you've ever met! by a million.

clearly, you had left some kind of impression on little ol' ted, because he invited you onto chuckle sandwich (rip), and right on the dot you were squished in the booth, trying to prepare for the inevitable being-squeezed-between-two-over-six-feet-men, wide eyed and a little nervous as you adjusted your hair for what felt like the hundredth time.

then you felt the booth dip beside you, and you whip your head around (then up) to see a huge brick wall of a man. "you must be schlatt! it's nice to meet you!" you chirp, offering out a hand.

maybe you weren't the best at first impressions, because schlatt took one look at you— and maybe he was feeling under the weather... or something?— he turned bright red and ran out. like, quite literally got up out of the booth, and ran, muttering about going to the bathroom.

you and ted ended up chatting politely about how you got into streaming, what your favorite thing to stream is— the kind of questions anyone who had a podcast would ask. but then you felt the familiar dip in the booth, you turned around again to face the big man again. gracious and charming, he blurted—

"so... woman. got uh," he cleared his voice. "got a boyfriend?"

it takes a second for that question to load in your brain, and then you blink. realizing you're on a podcast and not an awkward first date— (could've fooled you)— you try to come up with a charming response of, "the only man in my life is the twitch grind, schlatt," and offer him a grin.

the mic picks up the grumble under schlatt's breath; "there room for one more?"

ted snickers, but attempts to save you from an awkward situation by steering the interview back to questions they have for you. schlatt gets a little less awkward after his whole "unlimited games or unlimited bacon" spiel, but he goes right back to his antics after he leans in a little closer and chirps,

"wanna play a game that we always play with the podcast guests?"

looking around suspiciously, ted raises a brow, because there is definitely not a 'game' or whatever the hell schlatt's spouting right now. "schlatt, what the fuck are you—"

"it's, uh, you basically turn the digits of your phone number into a number and tell me how much money you'd have." schlatt stutters out, offering a dorky smile to you.

you blink. "one? i only have one phone number. i'm not richie rich like you!— i watched that one video of yours when you went to that hotel room that was so much money, it made my head spin."

"ah, that's nothin', toots. i can take ya sometime." he winks at you, and for some reason, your heart flutters. "like uh, a part two."

ted, always the instigator; "would you two sleep in the same be—"

"al—right!" schlatt claps loudly. "let's move on."

the interview ran smoothly enough, but it was nothing compared to the comments. they exploded about the chemistry between you two, the banter, and schlatt's pathetic attempt at flirting. it made all the fans go insane, it was clipped a hundred times over and posted everywhere.

and then the pièce de résistance? an offhand comment schlatt made on stream, joking that if people started donating a thousand dollars, he'd ask you out on a video game date.

boy, did the fans deliver for you two! they insisted that schlatt raid your stream, which he did, peppering comments like "what's your favorite flower" or "how are you doing today beautiful?" fans of yours even left sneaky little comments in schlatt's chat about what kind of things you liked, and a few clips of you talking about your type in men and your ideal dates were sent directly into schlatt's dms. and he watched them. analyzed them, actually. if he put this much energy into homework back in school, he'd be on track to get his masters right now!

after doing his research, he felt ready to ask.

↓

jschlatt donated $1,500!

↳ hey toots. you free @ 7pm EST?

and that sealed the deal. like clockwork, at 7pm EST, you actually got dressed up all nice, did your hair and put on a nice dress, sat down at your gaming chair and booted up discord, hovering over the call button under schlatt's tag. but he called you first, and you twirled your hair one more time before answering.

"hi," you smiled, a dumb cheshire cat grin on your face. fortunately, schlatt's was even bigger.

in the background, you made a few clicks and booted up your stream as he did his. "so where do you want to go, on our date?"

"this is a date?" you quirk a brow, smirking, and schlatt turns just as red as the first time he met you.

he stammers, "well, like, in the sense of the word, y'know. date. hangout. uh, shindig. whatever the hell you want it to be. ma'am."

schlatt turned on the facecam to show he was wearing a black turtleneck, and you turned on yours to show off your outfit. "i'm not your mom, you don't have to call me ma'am." you giggled, wiping off the bit of lipstick on the corner of your lip.

he grumbled something under his breath, his chat clearly hearing something you didn't as he comically widened his eyes, looking around the room as chat exploded.

but besides that little blip, it all went great! always the gentleman, schlatt booted up his pc to minecraft, but you shook your head and insisted on playing stardew valley instead. the two of you started on a farm together where schlatt had put your beds suspiciously close to each other and jokingly started trying to fight the townspeople— specifically sam— for 'getting all over you'. he was even about to fight robin for 'hitting on you', since he quipped, "equal rights, equal fights. and i support women liking women. but not if they're trying to steal ya from me, alright?" and promptly tried to hit her in game with an axe. lovely!

you ended up laughing so hard you felt like you had a six-pack. schlatt was genuinely a good time, and when the two of you met shane in-game, it was whirlwind. you compared him to schlatt, and he vehemently denied it. "maybe i should get married to shane," you quip, and schlatt scoffs. "what? he's like, the walmart— jojamart— version of me! you could get the real deal, right here!" he practically whined, rolling his eyes petulantly.

after hours of laughing and cracking jokes, running around pelican town and flirting, you two decided to end stream. he hummed a soft, "we should do this again sometime."

"oh, we will." you grin. "my dms are open."

he smiled, looking straight into the screen— it felt more like right into your soul, though. "good to know."

୨ৎ

dividers credit: @omi-resources

[httpscameron]

Masterlist

most recent - stalker reader x simon

personal favourites will have a ‘☆’ next to

a court of thorns and roses

eris vanserra

nobodies solider

protective and possesive

‘ill make a highlord out of you’

call of duty

simon riley

aftercare with simon riley

restaurant au with simon - part two ☆

roomate!simon

arranged marriage with simon ☆

simon sorts a drunk out for you

lazy sex with simon 18+

simon patches you up

returning home after deployment

simon and one nightstands 18+

ill simon

simon’s crush on a coworker

simon dating a pornstar 18+

oral hyperfixtation - 141 reaction 18+

rugby player simon + reader

bed chem 18+

simon x teacher reader

stalker reader x simon ☆

john price

domestic price

cowboy price

handyman price x housewife 18+

big age gap with price

criminal minds

aaron hotchner

dating hotch

spencer reid

spencer reid + neurodivergent reader

spencer in a long term relationship

supernatural

dean winchester

angsty headcanons

deans and nicknames

youre gonna go far

wolverine

logan howlett

back scratches

snoring ☆

kitty ears

‘woe is me’

logans cock 18+

you + hairbrush = logan fucking you 18+

christmas with logan

sleeping next to logan

youtube

jschlatt

weddings + kisses

[mads-hemmo]

imagine you sent in a bedroom for one of schlatts bedroom videos and schlatt is quite literally cheesing because you’re his girlfriend and he knows exactly what your room looks like

Masterlist

You have watched your boyfriend react to his viewer’s room tour multiple times now. When he announced that he was going to be reacting to rooms again, you decided to submit a tour of your own. You even messaged his mods to make sure your room made it in.

You watch Schlatt’s stream from your couch, anxiously awaiting for your room to come onto the stream. “Okay this one is from (Y/N),” Schlatt says. You can see him do a slight double take when he reads your name off. He lets it go as he presses play.

“Hello Jschlatt. Let me show you my room,” your pre-recorded voice says. The chat is going crazy saying, “woman” as the video plays. You’re not showing your face, but Schlatt obviously knows it’s you by your voice.

“Calm down chat. Yes, it's a woman. Let’s see their room,” Schlatt says to the chat.

You turn to your bookshelf full of books. “Here are all my books because I’m a nerd and very intelligent.”

“Don’t look up any of those books, chat. You may be scarred.”

You laugh at the screen. Schlatt knows your taste in literature is romance with some smut sprinkled in. “Here are my rammies, youtooz, and gamer supps.” You show your small Schlatt shrine which makes you look like a parasocial weirdo, but Schlatt is just smiling the entire time. “This is my gaming setup.”

“Wow, it's very pink. Are we sure this isn’t some vtuber?” Schlatt comments.

You continue to show your room which shows blurred pictures. “These are of my boyfriend and I, but we are very private. He does not like people to see his face. He’s very insecure.”

Schlatt subtly rolls his eyes and smiles at his screen. “She is smart. Protecting her privacy. I’m sure her boyfriend is very hot and not insecure,” Schlatt comments. Chat is going crazy sending question marks and gay emotes.

“This is where all the magic happens,” you joke as you show your bed.

Schlatt lets out a small laugh at your comment. The truth is most of the “magic” happens on his bed not yours. He also has small heart eyes when he sees the Rammie you sleep with when you aren’t together. “I know it’s small and boring, but that’s my room. You have made my day by watching this. Thank you Schlatt! I’m a huge fan,” you say, ending the video.

“What a weirdo. Mods, who let that one get by?” Schlatt asks with a stupid grin still plastered on his face. Some of chat seems to get the hint about who’s bedroom it is, but others are completely oblivious.

Schlatt keeps going, showing a disgusting hellhole with street signs. A little while after, Schlatt ends the stream. As soon as the stream ends, you see that you are getting a FaceTime call from him.

“That damn girl was obsessed with you,” you comment with a laugh. “Maybe I should be jealous.”

“Yeah she’s a weirdo. Can’t believe my mods let her through,” he laughs with you.

“She may have sent some messages encouraging them to let her room through so she could see how flustered her boyfriend gets.”

Schlatt rolls his eyes at you. “Thank you for blurring everything.”

“I may like messing with you, but I’m not evil. I still want our relationship to be for us, not your fans.”

He smiles at you. “I love you,” he says with a wide grin on his face. “Also the cats miss you. They think you should come over and stay the night.”

“Only the cats miss me?” You ask with an eyebrow raise.

“Maybe I miss you too.”

“Hmm if that’s the case, I guess I can come by.” Once you hang up the phone, you drive to his apartment so you don’t have to spend the night cuddling your Rammie.

A/N: such a cute idea!! I need him to stream again! I am almost through all of my reqs, so send more if you want to! Hoping to keep writing while I’m on break!

[schlatt-love-bot]

Chapter 1 - Fresh Meat | Chuckle Diner

It was a brisk morning in the city, only a few people around either walking their dogs or grabbing their morning cup of coffee from the local coffee shop before heading out to their jobs—a sight you normally never see as you’re a self-made nocturnal individual, usually waking up only after the time on your digital bedside clock has hit PM. You were up early, though, as your midnight research into Charlie’s recommended diner made you realize they opened their doors at 5:00 AM for their early bird specials, and though you didn’t fit that demographic, per say, you wanted to make sure you made a good impression if you were actually going to try and get a job at this place. 

Rounding the corner of the block, you saw the building Charlie was talking to you about last night—a chrome building stuck smack in the center of some high-rise office buildings, looking as though it was a building pulled straight from the 50’s. The neon sign attached to the top of the building flickered bright reds and yellows, reading “Chuckle Diner” in a script font that screamed cliche retro. You shook your head, glancing back down at the chicken scratch note Charlie left you with, debating if this was actually going to be worth it. Pacing back and forth across the street, internally debating whether or not it would be worth it, you decided to swallow any inhibitions you were having, along with your pride, as you crossed the street determined to make something good come from this worry. 

Opening the squeaky door, a bell rang to signal someone had entered. Looking around, you saw only a handful of elderly patrons sat in the red leather booths, leaving you awkwardly standing at the empty hostess stand waiting for someone to acknowledge your existence. The place smelled of greasy bacon and sweet maple syrup, and the food that was out on the diner bar in front of one older gentleman didn’t look half bad, making you wonder why you hadn’t heard of this place sooner. 

“Hello there! Welcome to Chuckle Diner, home of the infamous Chuckle Sandwich. My name is Ted, and I’ll be your server for the day! Would you like a seat at the bar or a seat in a booth?” A tall, lanky man with round glasses said in a rush, promptly coming around a corner and grabbing a set of menus and special sheets before turning around to look at you. Glancing up and down, he quickly tucked the papers into his lap apron, placing an elbow on the hostess stand to get a better look at you. 

“Ma’am, you realize this is the time of our early bird special, right? By the looks of it, you’re a bit too young to be an early bird…correct?” He let out a chuckle, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as you let out a light laugh. 

“Yeah, I’m a bit young for that kind of treatment yet, but I’m not exactly here to eat. I was told by a friend that you were currently looking to hire a hostess, and judging by the ‘help wanted’ sign in the window, I’m assuming he was correct.” You stated, as Ted’s eyes widened before he nodded his head and ducked below the hostess stand, pulling out a paper application. 

“You sure a pretty girl like you really wants to work at a place like this?” He laughs, as you grin cheekily and nod your head to signal he was correct, “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s an application. Either bring it back when you’ve completed it, or you can take a seat here and do it on the spot, depending on how soon you need this job.” He says with a smile, gesturing to the now completely open barstools, as the gentleman who was sitting there only a handful of minutes ago had finished his meal, left his payment, and quietly left through the doors behind you. 

“Hey fuckface, where are you and why aren’t you running these plates out? The food’s getting cold, shit head!” You heard a harsh voice howl from the kitchen window, as a man you can only assume is the chef sticks his head out, looking for Ted. 

“Sorry, dude, we had something more important to deal with. Get off my case, and get back into the kitchen!” He says, walking over to retrieve the plates of food for his patrons, “Sorry about that, again the choice is yours.” He smiles, before leaving to serve his tables. You took a look outside the window, seeing that a drizzle had begun to fall from the sky onto the pavement, leaving you with the choice of trying to run this application back to your apartment in one piece, or staying here and guaranteeing it stay dry. Without hesitation, you swing over a barstool and take a seat, looking around for a pen. 

“Need one of these, toots?” That same growling voice that had came from the kitchen earlier startles you, causing you to jump before looking up and meeting eyes with a man who was still tall, almost as tall as Ted but not quite, with mutton chops you could’ve sworn went out of style decades ago—maybe everything here, even the style of the workers, was truly outdated. In his callused, greasy hands he extends a pen, shaking it lightly between his fingertips before you let out a light chuckle and take it from him, saying a quiet thank you, your heart beating faster than you had ever felt before. Despite the harsh exterior, there was something about this man that got your blood pumping, and you couldn’t put your finger on what.  

“Not a problem, sugar. The name’s Schlatt, I’m executive chef of this shithole. Though, if you wind up getting a place here maybe it won’t be half bad anymore.” He says with a wink, causing you to feel a heat sensation rising on your cheeks before he turns on his heels and heads back into the kitchen before Ted can come back and get on his case for not making the next few orders. You shook your head, trying to clear your mind and fill out the application to your very best. Although from the outside you weren’t too sure whether or not this would be the place for you, there was something about the personalities of those you’ve seen inside that makes you feel as though you belong, or at least this is a place you can find yourself for the next handful of years before getting on your feet and moving elsewhere. 

It didn’t take you very long to fill out the double-sided one page application, and after flipping it back and forth what felt like a thousand times checking to make sure you didn’t screw up any information and made yourself seem as qualified as possible, you felt a hand touch your shoulder, making you jump.

“Sweetie, we are honored at how long you’re taking to triple-check this application, but it’s just a hostess job at a crummy diner, not a lifesaving job at NASA or something. C’mon, hand it over, the boss will review it, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.” Ted spoke, gently reaching over your shoulder to pluck the paper from your fingertips before you could protest.

“Thanks, just a little nervous is all. I haven’t properly applied for an actual job in what feels like forever, didn’t want to screw it up somehow.” You laughed, spinning around on the stool before picking up your bag from the backrest. 

“Thanks for all your help, boys, I look forward to hearing from you!” You flash a smile and wave a hand at the server and chef duo stood nearby the bar counter, trying to make it seem as though they weren’t taking a peek at your application as they both gave a gentle wave in your direction. Stepping out the door you noticed it stopped drizzling, and though the ground was a little wet still the sun had already begun shining, and some lighter puddles on the ground had already begun to dry. You let out a sigh of relief, pressure you didn’t know you were holding in your shoulders finally releasing, as you gently shook the tension out of your body before setting off to your apartment. 

Rounding the corner without looking, you slammed into a familiar body. 

“So, it seems as though you took my advice after all, huh?” Charlie’s voice laughed out, as he helped you up from the ground, “Sorry about that, but you should’ve been looking where you were going. You were right about not being fit for a server.” He got a chuckle out of you, as you shook your head in agreement. 

“Yeah, yeah, I figured it wouldn’t hurt. Thank god it’s just a hostess position, right?” You laughed, to which he agreed. 

“Are you heading home? I was going to stop and get some breakfast at Chuckle myself actually, if you’d like to, you're more than welcome to join me!” He says, gesturing to where you had come from. 

“Thanks, but no thanks, Charlie. I’ve got some stuff I’ve got to tend to at home today.” You smile, saying some light goodbyes before letting him cross the street and head towards the diner, leaving you in a lonesome stroll a few blocks down to your apartment. 

Only about a 5 minute walk away from your apartment and your phone began to buzz in your back pocket. Pulling it out, it was a number you weren’t familiar with, but out of fear of missing a call from the diner you answered. 

“Hello?” 

“Yes, is this (Y/N) (L/N)? This is Tucker, lead manager of Chuckle Diner.” 

“Yes, yes, this is! What can I do for you?” You heart felt like it was skipping beats, what was it about this damn diner? 

“Oh wonderful! I was calling to see if you could stop by the diner for a quick interview, we just processed your application and would love to get to know you before making any hasty decisions. When can you swing by?” A grin began to creep onto your face without warning, excited at the new possibilities. 

“Uhhh, I think I can make it there in about a half an hour, is that alright?” You looked down at your current attire, which would’ve been totally fine if you were just picking up an application and filling it out, however, for a potential interview? Absolutely unacceptable.

“Perfect! See you then, (Y/N)!” Tucker said, quickly hanging up the phone just before you managed to thank him and say goodbye. You took off in a full-fledged sprint the rest of the way home, knowing you needed to get yourself put together quickly to get back to the diner in time. Sprinting up the stairs, luckily you only lived on the second floor, you nearly bust down the door to your apartment, heading straight to your closet. Throwing things around, you finally managed to put together a decent outfit, a black pencil skirt paired with a nice-fitted white blouse, making sure to put on your best bra in hopes that the executive chef would, for whatever reason, be out of the kitchen and see you when you arrive. Slipping on a pair of black wedge heels that weren’t too tall, but pulled the outfit together, you sat to quickly retouch your hair and makeup before glancing at the clock on your nightstand.

“Shit! I only have 10 minutes!” You quickly reapplied your lucky lip gloss, grabbed your bag and your phone, and ran out the door once again. Speed walking as fast as you could, you managed to get around the corner of the diner in 7 minutes. Nerves began fluttering in your stomach, causing you to stop about 10 feet away from the door to do some deep breathing. You straightened your hair over your shoulders and smoothed your blouse and skirt one last time before putting your shoulders back and reentering the diner for a second time today. 

It was definitely busier than it was earlier this morning, more of the locals coming into this seemingly hidden gem to enjoy some brunch and a mediocre view. When the bell at the door rang, out ran Ted from around the corner, just like before. This time, he was looking up before speaking, beginning to slow down as he made his way to the hostess stand once again. 

“Hey, (Y/N)...right? What brings you back here so soon, hmm?” Ted asks, confusion written across his face as he looked you up and down, realizing you changed your outfit before returning. You realized that Tucker must’ve not told his employee about needed the prospective hostess to come in today, and as you went to open your mouth, Ted put two and two together. 

“Oh! Did Tucker call you? I heard him on the phone in his office, maybe a half hour ago? Here, let me take you to him.” He said, waving in a couple patrons, allowing them to seat themselves as he guided you behind the counter and over to a closed door–Tucker’s office, you presumed. He knocked on the door, waiting to hear whether or not Tucker was busy before opening and informing him that you were here to see him. 

“Hey, (Y/N)! Thanks for coming out on such short notice, it’s nice to meet you!” Tucker said, leaning back in his chair as he held out a hand for you to shake. Eager, you took his hand in yours and shook, saying a quick hello and thanks. He gestured to the chair in front of his desk for you to take a seat in, as you slid past Ted and into the office. 

“Thanks, Ted. Don’t forget to close the door on your way out, and for the love of God please comp that one couple’s meals, I cannot believe Schlatt gave them a hard time over customizations…” Tucker pinched the bridge of his nose, as Ted let out a laugh. 

“You’re surprised by that? You have no clue who you hired, huh?” He said, still laughing as he closed the door to the office and left. Your eyes must’ve been a little too wide, as Tucker went into damage control mode immediately.

“Don’t mind him, it’s not like that all the time here, I swear. Schlatt’s just been unnecessarily rude the last few weeks, and it’s causing customers to get upset…fingers crossed things change as we hire more help.” He sighed, picking up the paper application you had just finished early this morning. “So, Charlie says you’re looking for a job to get you by. Ever been a hostess before?” 

“Uhh, no, I haven’t. I told Charlie I am such a klutz, I never considered working in the restaurant industry ever before—put me in the kitchen and I swear I would burn water, put me on the floor and all your dishes would be broken in an hour. I have, though, had experience working with the public. I used to be a cashier at a little school store downtown in college, I had to deal with all the students and their parents on a daily basis.” You began to explain, immediately feeling as though you weren’t painting the best picture of yourself for getting this position. Tucker began to chuckle hearing your panicked explanation, putting your application back on the table before leaning forward at his desk, resting his chin in his hands. 

“I understand where you’re coming from, there’s a reason why I’m back here and I’m not back there.” He laughed, trying to get you relaxed a bit. “Don’t worry too much, I’m not really looking for experience, here. We need all the help we can get, and you’re the first hostess applicant in months. I trust Charlie’s judgement, and you showing up so quickly this afternoon shows that you’re reliable and dependable. Say, do you want the job?” He asks, a glimmer of hope in his eye as your breath got caught in the back of your throat. You weren’t expecting this to become so easy, your hands were clammy with stress sweat over nothing. 

“Oh my god, of course! You don’t know how badly I needed this!” You said, a smile spilling onto your face, as Tucker became more relaxed in his chair. 

“Yes, thank God! So, when are you able to start?” He asked, moving your application to the side of his desk, pulling out a few more forms he would need you to fill out before your first day. 

“When do you think you would need me?”

“Is there a chance you could start today? Ted’s the best employee we’ve got, he could train you this afternoon. It’s not one of our busy days, either, so it’s ideal for you to start with a less stressful day.” Tucker explained, pushing a few papers and a pen your way, as your jaw dropped. Getting hired on the spot AND starting the same day? It was your luck. 

“Absolutely. Is this okay to wear, or do we have a uniform we need to follow?” 

“What you’ve got on is absolutely perfect for today, I’ll give you a more official uniform once it arrives later this week. Welcome aboard to Chuckle Diner, (Y/N).” Tucker said, sighing once again with relief as he reached his hand over the desk once more, shaking your hand to seal the deal. Once you had the few forms on the desk completed and signed, Tucker took you to the break room and showed you were you could put down your purse and other belongings. Inside sat both Schlatt and Ted, discussing God knows what over plastic cups of water. 

“What the hell are both of you doing in here? You’re the only two scheduled for today, and we’ve got people seated in the dining room! Are you crazy?” Tucker raised his voice, gesturing at the two, who clearly did not give two shits about what he was saying.

“Relax, boss, it’s died down out there, we’ve got two tables plus Charlie at the bar. All the food is served, and they’re enjoying. Chill a little, would you?” Schlatt says, leaning back in his chair as Ted nodded his head in agreement, “What’s that little thing doing in here with you, huh?” 

“Boys, this is (Y/N), she’s our new hostess, and she’s starting today. Ted, I expect you to train her to your best ability. Schlatt, no funny business, your job’s already on the line.” Tucker cut eyes at the two, muttering something about ‘only 5 more minutes in the breakroom, then back on the floor’ before walking out. You found a slot to store your purse and phone, turning around to see Ted and Schlatt eyeing you like you were a piece of meat. 

“Knew you were going to get the job, welcome to the Chucklers team, (Y/N)!” Ted said, standing to wrap an arm around your shoulder, bringing you into an awkward side hug, as Schlatt continued to stare.

“Yeah, welcome to the team, toots. Gotta love having some fresh meat in this place, it’s about damn time.” Schlatt growled, taking a toothpick from a container on the table, placing it between his teeth before walking past you and out the door, staring you in the eyes as he made his way into the back. Chills were sent down your spine, and you were caught in a haze as Ted guided you to the hostess stand and began to explain things. You were barely listening to him, feeling Schlatt’s burning eyes watching your every move from the kitchen window as you tried your hardest to focus. You knew you most certainly belonged here, and that this was going to be one hell of a ride. 

I've had the first chapter of my Chuckle Diner AU sitting in my google docs for what feels like forever, haha! Finally decided to sit down and finish/edit it in order to post it, and see if the want for Executive Chef!Schlatt x Hostess!Reader was still a want and need by the chuckler community :) I hope you all enjoyed!

[lettucing]

look of love, rush of blood | chapter one

words: ~4.3k | pairing: jschlatt x she/her, afab reader

summary: What starts as a reluctant outing with friends takes a turn when you accidentally spill a stranger's drink at the bar.

notes: FIRST CHAPTER IS HERE WOOOO!!!! hope u guys enjoy this (not so) lil intro while i get into the good stuff... >:]

⭑

"Y/N! COME ON, THE UBER IS HERE!" 

“Shit. Where the hell is it?” You think, frantically digging through your makeup bag for your favorite lipstick. You’re racing against the clock, determined to finish your look before your roommate decides to leave without you. “Sorry! I’m coming!” you call out, your voice tinged with urgency.

You sigh a breath of relief as you finally spot the lipstick, buried deep in the bag like it’s playing hide-and-seek.  You apply it as quickly yet precisely as you can, topping it with the matching lip gloss. You step back and give yourself one more look over in the vanity mirror, mostly satisfied with your outfit, and give your hair one last tussle for good measure. 

Just as you grab your bag and phone the door swings open, revealing your roommate Joelle, her expression a mix of excitement and mild panic. “Y/N, did you hear me? We’re late! The others are already waiting!” You barely have time to process her words before rushing out the door behind her. “Agh! I lost track of time!” you exclaim, locking the door to your apartment with a sense of urgency. “It’s fine! We just need to hurry before the bar gets too crowded,” Joelle replies, her smile reassuring you as you dash down the stairs, not having time to spare to wait for the elevator. 

When you reach the bottom floor, you glance through the glass front doors of your apartment complex to see your Uber driver waiting at the curb. “Oh, thank god he waited,” you mutter, relief washing over you. You and Joelle hop in the back seat, your thoughts wandering while your roommate makes small talk with the driver.

Going out wasn’t really what you had in mind for tonight. After a grueling week at work, you envisioned a peaceful Friday evening at home, possibly even treating yourself to your favorite takeout. You had already changed into comfy sweatpants and settled in with your laptop when Joelle got home, practically bouncing with excitement. She eagerly proposed a night out for drinks with your mutual friends, Sage and Alana, at a bar and lounge you’d never been to before. The thought of braving a crowded bar was the last thing you wanted. But as she continued to plead her case, you found yourself wavering. With a resigned sigh, you finally agreed, knowing deep down that it wouldn’t be so bad. There was something therapeutic about getting pretty for a fun night out with your friends- the couch will always be there when you get back.

When the car finally pulled up to the bar, the vibrant energy spilled out onto the sidewalk. Music pulsed faintly through the air, and the sounds of the bustling city enveloped you as you stepped out. Taking a deep breath, you followed Joelle inside. As you stepped into the trendy lounge, the warm glow of hanging lights illuminated the room, buzzing with activity; people chatting at the high-top tables and booths, others leaned against the bar, drinks in hand. A disco ball hung from the ceiling above the small dance floor at the back of the room where a few brave souls were already swaying to the rhythm of the music spilling from the speaker system.

Joelle turned to you. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Sage and Alana are right over there.” She points you to a cozy corner where your friends were already gathered, their laughter standing out to you amongst the buzz of the room. As you approached, the couple's familiar faces filled you with warmth, easing the lingering reluctant nerves from earlier.

“Finally!” Sage called out, grinning. “We were starting to wonder if you guys were actually gonna show up.” You grinned, settling into the booth on the opposite side of your friends. “It took me a minute to get ready! I was already in my sweats when Joelle nearly started dragging me out of the apartment by my ankles.”

“Worth it, though, right?” she teased, raising her drink in a mock toast.

You chuckled, glancing around the bustling bar. The warm glow of the lights, combined with the upbeat music, started to lift your spirits. “I guess it’s not so bad.” 

Just then, Joelle slid into the booth beside you, her smile wide and infectious. “A vodka-cran for the lady!” she declared in a mock-old-timey British accent, placing a glass in front of you. “Why, thank you, dear!” you replied in the same accent, laughing before shifting back to your normal tone.  “I’ll get you back later?” Joelle just grinned. “Nah, consider that my thank you gift for changing out of those ratty-ass sweatpants.” You gasped dramatically, placing a hand over your heart. “Excuse me? Those ‘ratty-ass sweatpants’ are my favorite comfy pants! A beloved staple of my wardrobe!” “Staple? More like a fashion crime,” Alana shot back, laughing. “But hey, the outfit you swapped them for is adorable!” You roll your eyes with a grin and take another sip of your drink. “You guys suck.”

The four of you sat and talked for a long while after that, sharing stories, teasing one another, and catching up on all the latest happenings in your lives. Sage had plenty of horrifying encounters to recall from her job as a daycare instructor, while Alana shared the latest drama on who was hooking up with who at her office staff parties. Joelle insisted on a second round of drinks, and before long, you felt that familiar warm buzz starting to settle in.

As you finished your second drink, Joelle leaned forward over the table, a playful grin on her face. “Okay, not to change the subject, but that dance floor is getting full and I think we need to go dance.”

You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Joelle's sudden enthusiasm. “Oh yeah?”

“Absolutely! Come on, dance with me!” Joelle said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. 

You took another sip of your drink, weighing the idea. The music pulsed through the bar, calling to you. “Alright, let’s do it!” you said, feeling a surge of spontaneity.

Joelle shot up from her seat, her confidence contagious to not just you but to Sage and Alana as well. The three of you followed Joelle’s lead, and as you made your way toward the dance floor, you felt a mix of nerves and exhilaration. 

With the music thumping around you, you stepped onto the dance floor, letting the rhythm guide your movements. Joelle began to sway, her energy infectious. You couldn’t help but smile as you joined in, letting the music wash over you. As you lost yourself in the rhythm, the energy of the dance floor enveloped you. Your friends’ shouts mixed with the beats, and you could feel the weight of the world slip away. The crowd moved in sync, bodies swaying and spinning. You jumped to the beat with your friends, singing carelessly. 

After god knows how many songs, you realized you needed two things: a moment to sit down and another drink. Your friends were still bouncing around, showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon. Leaning in toward the group, you raised your voice a bit over the music. “Hey, I’m heading to sit at the bar for a minute. Do you guys need anything?” Joelle flashed a wide smile, clearly a bit more buzzed than you. “We’re all good, babe!” With a playful wink, Joelle added, “There’s a really pretty guy I've got my eye on. Let us know if you need anything, okay?” You smiled back. “Of course, good luck! Love you!” you shouted as you turned toward the bar. “Love you more!” Sage called after you.

As you made your way across the lounge floor, you suddenly became aware of the slight sway in your step. You quickly settled onto the last empty barstool all the way at the very end of the bar, next to someone you didn’t pay much mind to.

As you sat for a moment waiting for the bartender, you turned in your stool to glance back at your friends. Sage and Alana were dancing together right in the middle of the dance floor, while Joelle had already moved off to the side, chatting with a tall brunette guy wearing glasses and a couple of chunky rings. They seemed to be hitting it off, and you couldn’t help but smile at your friend’s confidence. Damn, you thought. You’d be lying if you said your roommate had bad taste in men. 

As you turned around, your hand collided with the bartender’s just as she was setting a drink down next to you, causing her to drop the glass and spill its contents across the bar- and into the lap of the man sitting next to you.. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, quickly facing her. She waved her hand dismissively. “No worries at all.” She looked at the man sitting next to you. “I’ll grab you some paper towels and make you another one. Just give me a sec.”

You put your head in your hand, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as she handed the man a roll of paper towels. You sighed to yourself, figuring you should apologize to the stranger next to you for being an idiot. As you shifted on your stool to face him completely, your breath caught in your throat.

Shit.

He glanced back at you, thick eyebrows arching over warm brown eyes framed by long lashes. Messy brown curls peeked out from under a Yankees baseball cap, and he sported well-groomed mutton chops and a mustache. The intensity of his gaze combined with his broad shoulders gave off an intimidating presence that made you feel another wave of shame for spilling his drink- but damn, was he handsome.

“I’m so sorry about that. I was watching my friends, plus I’m a little buzzed— I just wasn’t thinking straight.” you stammer as he palms his thighs with the paper towels, feeling your nerves kick in. The man smiled slightly, placing the used paper towels down on the bar as he finished wiping off.  “Don’t sweat it, ’s just a drink. I’ve had worse nights in bars.”

You mentally thank whatever higher power is watching over you for letting you spill a drink on someone easygoing instead of a hotheaded jerk. “I still feel bad." You smile nervously. You pause, a silence hanging heavy over the two of you. You glance at him, and the two of you lock eyes.

You can't tell if it's the liquor, the eye contact, or both- but something in you pushes to make small talk.

Shifting your weight in your seat, you raise an eyebrow. "Well, okay, how much worse of a night are we talking here?” He chuckled reluctantly, as if he were unsure about sharing the story. “Well, there was this one time I saw a girl getting hit on by some creep, she looked really uncomfortable. After a few drinks, I guess I tend to get a little bold, so I decided to tell him to back off.” He paused, shifting his weight leaning on the bar. “Turns out, he was her boyfriend.” You winced. “Oof…” “Yeah.” He nodded, laughing a bit. “He almost kicked my ass. I finished my drink and got the fuck outta there.” You smiled, thinking about how he went out of his way to make sure a girl he didn’t even know wasn’t in danger. “At least you tried to help her,” you said. “That counts for something, right?” He shrugged, a hint of humility in his smile. “I guess so. But it’s funny how quickly things can turn, y’know? One minute you think you're doin’ the right thing, and the next, you're just trying to dodge a punch. Literally or metaphorically.” You nod with a smile. “Yeah, I get that completely.” He nodded back, and the conversation faded for a moment. 

You glanced at him. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” 

He returned your gaze, a slight smile appearing on his face again. “Schlatt.” 

As if on cue, the bartender brought over his replacement drink, and you reached into your pocket for some cash. “Here, let me pay for that.” you offered, and he waved a dismissive hand. “Nah, it’s okay. I already have quite the tab running with my buddies.” Before you can protest, he holds up a finger and grabs the glass, taking a sip of what was presumably whiskey. You watch his expression as he drinks, noting how his nose scrunched slightly as he downed the liquor. He places the glass back on the counter with a soft clink. “Agh, that’s some good shit.” he sighs, lifting his hat to run a hand through his curls before placing it back on. Your cheeks warm- you blame it on the alcohol.

 “Can I buy you a drink?” Schlatt asked after taking another sip, and you laugh, shaking the heated feeling from your face. “Do you always buy a drink for someone when they spill liquor in your lap?” He shrugged with a smile, a playful glint in his eyes. “Only the ones who make a memorable first impression. You shoulda' seen your face when it spilled, you looked like you had just shot me or somethin'. It was fuckin’ hilarious.” You rolled your eyes, laughing along. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly aiming for comedy tonight. But I guess I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Hey, every night out on the town needs a lil’ bit of chaos,” he said, leaning his forearms against the bar again. “Makes for better stories later.” You grinned. “Yeah, you got me there.”

Schlatt tilted his head, gesturing towards the bar. “So, what’ll it be?” You laughed. “You really wanna buy me that drink, huh?” He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I mean if you’re passin’ up on a free drink, be my guest.” You smirked, weighing your options. “Alright, alright. When you put it like that...” You pick up the cocktail menu, and Schlatt scoffs. “Oh, you’re one of those.” You cocked an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Nothing!” He grinned. “I just didn’t think you were the type to go for a thirty-dollar, ninety-percent-ice, hangover-waiting-to-happen kinda’ drink.” You narrow your eyes playfully. “Yeah, well,” You signal over the bartender. “Fine, asshole. We just met, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” You feel Schlatt’s gaze linger on you as you order yourself an Old Fashioned, his look long and heavy. “I guess so.” He grins, and orders himself another whiskey.

⭑

“So, what do you do when you’re not out like this?” you ask, genuinely curious. He makes an indifferent face. “Honestly, not much. I work a lot, and when I’m not working, I don’t really go out unless I have a reason.” You nod. “What’s your reason tonight?” 

Before he could continue, a loud voice booms from behind the two of you.

“SCHLATT! THERE YOU ARE, YA BASTARD!” Schlatt gives you a look, as if to say “there’s my reason”. 

A tall man walks up and drapes an arm around Schlatt’s shoulders, clearly tipsy- then you recognize him.  The guy Joelle was talking to. 

Oh shit. Is he one of Schlatt’s friends?

“Get ‘offa me, dude.” Schlatt groans, his whole demeanor changing as he unravels the man’s arm from his shoulders. “What?” He questions. The other man laughs. “Nothin’ man. We were just wonderin’ where you were. We haven’t seen you in a while.” Schlatt rolls his eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause I don’t wanna be seen with you three making yourself look stupid on that dance floor.” The man chuckles, unfazed. “C’mon, you know you love it. We’ve got the moves!” He gestures dramatically, demonstrating some ridiculous dance move. “And, for the record, there’s a beautiful lady over there that’s been chattin’ me up for a while.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re drunk, Ted. ‘Ya sure that beautiful lady isn’t just Tucker?” Schlatt retorts, crossing his arms. 

You can’t help but laugh at their banter, knowing he was talking about Joelle. 

The tall guy, who you’ve come to learn is named Ted, turns to you, an amused expression on his face. “Oh, i see what’s goin’ on here.” Schlatt rolls his eyes again, somehow harder than the last time. “Dude, can you not?” Ted raises his hands in mock surrender (the same way Schlatt had earlier- the two seemed to share a handful of mannerisms), a grin spreading across his face. “Just making an observation! Looks like you’ve found yourself a partner in crime.”

“More like an accomplice to my embarrassment,” Schlatt mutters, shaking his head. You chuckle, still enjoying the playful back-and-forth. “I dunno, this is kinda funny.” “See? She gets it!” Ted interjects, grinning at you. “I’m Ted.” He extends his hand, and you shake it loosely. “Y/N,” you reply with a smile.

“Nice to meet you.” Ted continues as you break the handshake. “Anyways, Schlatt. C’mon man. You gotta come out there with us.” “Pass,” Schlatt says, shaking his head. “I’m good right here.”

“Suit yourself! You’ll regret it!” Ted shrugs, stepping back- he glances at you, then back at Schlatt.

“Regret? Not in this lifetime,” Schlatt takes a long sip of his whiskey. “Wrap it up. I wanna go to bed.” Ted rolls his eyes. “Alright Captain Buzzkill.” He claps Schlatt on the back. “Give us 10 minutes.” He turns to you “Nice to meet you, uh…” You smile. “Y/N.” “Right. Y/N. Sorry. Had a few drinks.” Ted returns your smile and heads back to join the crowd on the dancefloor, leaving you and Schlatt at the bar once again.

You shoot Schlatt a look, as if to say “Well that was something.”  

“Welcome to my life,” he sighs, rolling his eyes playfully. “Always a spectacle.”

 “Looks like you’ve got quite the crew,” you say, taking a sip of your drink.

“Tell me about it.” Schlatt shakes his head with a slight smile. “They’re here visiting. They’re a bit much sometimes, But they’re my guys.” The two of you turn and watch Ted blend back into the swaying mass of bodies, reconvening with Joelle and who you presumed to be another one of Schlatt's friends.

“Wanna know something funny?” you ask. Schlatt hums, intrigued. “That girl your friend has been talking to? She’s my roommate.” Schlatt laughs. “No fuckin’ shot.” You nod. “Yup. Her name’s Joelle. Sweetest girl on the planet.” He shakes his head. “What a coincidence, eh?” You stare into your drink. “Yeah, crazy.”

The two of you chat for a bit longer and you discover that Schlatt makes a living through YouTube and streaming, which you think is incredibly cool. He mentions that a bunch of other content creators are currently in New York for a Twitch event, hence the reason Ted and Charlie were staying at his apartment. After asking him a million-and-a-half questions about it, you share that you’re a journalist, writing articles for local NYC art magazines. He asks you questions too, and you can’t quite tell if he’s genuinely interested or just really good at faking it, but either way, you feel heard. The conversation flows effortlessly, jumping from topic to topic like you’d known each other for years. It was comforting, in a way.

Ted reappears as you’re laughing at something Schlatt said, this time with two others behind him- the rest of Schlatt’s friends. Ted places a ringed hand on Schlatt’s shoulder. “Not tryin’ to break this up, just letting you know- we’re ready to go when you are.” Schlatt nods and downs the last of his whiskey, that familiar slight scrunch of his nose making an appearance again. You might’ve called it adorable if you hadn’t just met him. 

He settles his tab and stands from his barstool with a sigh, looking at you. You smile. “It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the drink.” He returns your smile tiredly, as if the liquor had just hit him all at once. “Yeah, you too. No problem.” Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Ted’s eyes widen as he elbows one of his friends— maybe Tucker?— in the side.

“I’ll, uh… i'll see you around,” Schlatt says, nodding before heading off. You give him a slight wave, then wave at Ted as well.

 As they’re walking away, you hear Schlatt mutter- “Finally ready to part with your sweet Joelle?” Ted shot him a look of pure confusion. “What the fuck? how do you know her name?” You laugh, still amused by their ridiculous interactions. Before long, the four of them are out the door.

You sit at the bar for a moment longer, finishing your drink. You decide to get up to find Joelle, along with Sage and Alana. You spot them standing near the booth the four of you shared at the beginning of the night. As you approach them, Joelle’s eyes light up. “Hey pretty lady! Havin’ a good night?” You smile. “Yeah, starting to get tired though. You guys ready to go?” Sage nods. “Yeah, i’m ready to call it a night. Maybe we can grab some food before we go home?” Alana chimes in. “Yummmm, A late-night snack sounds perfect right now.” 

The four of you gather your things and split the tab from your drinks earlier. As you all head toward the exit, you can’t help but glance back at the bar, thinking about the guys you met earlier. You wondered if you might run into Schlatt and his friends again- the night still felt full of possibilities.

You and your friends discover a cozy little gelato shop a short walk down the road, where you all sit together and enjoy your treats. Eventually, it was time to call it a night, and you exchanged tipsy hugs and cheek kisses before you all ordered your Ubers, you and Joelle heading back to your apartment while Sage and Alana made their way to theirs. 

⭑

As you unlocked the door to your apartment, Joelle walked in and flopped onto the couch with a satisfied sigh- she was definitely a bit closer to drunk than you were. You smiled and sat down next to her legs. “Was tonight everything you wanted it to be?” She turned to face you, excitement sparkling in her eyes. “Hell yeah! I had such a blast! And did you see that guy I was talking to?! Oh my god.” You chuckled, recalling the conversation you had with Ted and Schlatt. “Oh, I definitely saw him.” Joelle giggled. “His name is Ted. He’s from Los Angeles, can you believe it? AND I got his number. Maybe if things work out I'll convince him to stay here.” You laughed, astonished at her already growing attachment to this stranger from the bar. “Maybe.” Joelle sat up, leaning her arm on your shoulder. “Hey, wait a second! Don’t act like you weren’t chatting someone up too! I saw you and Mr. tall-dark-and-broody at the bar.” 

You raised an eyebrow, trying to suppress a grin. “Mr. tall-dark-and-broody? That’s quite the title.” Joelle nudged you playfully. “Come on! You know you were vibing with him. What was his name?” 

You could feel Joelle’s gaze probing, urging you to say more about the guy you’d spent nearly two hours chatting with. Eventually, she cracked you, and a smile crept across your face. “Okay, fine. His name was Schlatt, and maybe he was really, really attractive. But I wasn’t talking to him, we were just… having a conversation, y’know?”

Joelle raised her eyebrows. “Schlatt? I think Ted said that was the name of his friend that he’s staying with.” You avoided eye contact, not sure what to say.

After a moment of silence, Joelle gasped. “Oh! Oh my god! He’s-, they’re-,” she grabs your shoulders. “Your guy is friends with my guy!” “He’s not my guy!” You interject, and Joelle waves her hand. “Yeah, okay, whatever. Anyway, ‘just having a conversation’, huh? You sure you weren’t flirting a little?” You roll your eyes. “No! I wasn’t! It all started in the first place because I wasn’t paying attention and knocked his whiskey into his lap.” 

“Oooh, a whiskey guy. That’s hot.” Joelle giggled. “Okay, you’re definitely drunk and totally missing the point.” you said, laughing as you slung your arm around her shoulders. “That doesn’t matter! I don’t need to be sober to tell you that you should text him back the moment he reaches out. I could feel the chemistry from the dance floor.”

Suddenly, a realization hit you.

 “Shit. He’s not going to text me. I didn’t give him my number.”

“WHAT?!”

⭑

After Joelle started to crash, you helped her change into pajamas and remove her makeup, and once she crawled into bed, you did the same for yourself. As you stared in the mirror at your bare face, your thoughts drifted back to Schlatt. You kicked yourself mentally for not offering him your number, but you told yourself it was fine. If fate wanted it to happen, it would. Sometimes, you meet a beautiful stranger and never see them again—that's just how life goes.

Then you remembered that your best friend and his best friend had really hit it off. Even though you didn’t give him your number tonight, it was bound to come up eventually if Joelle and Ted stuck it out. You started spiraling, envisioning yourself ten years down the line at Joelle and Ted’s wedding—locking eyes with Schlatt across the dance floor, remembering that one conversation the two of you shared ten years ago at some random bar before you left New York City and fell off the grid, and-

You stopped yourself. What the hell was that? You sigh and glance at yourself in the mirror again, thinking, “I’m still tipsy, and I really need to go to bed.” 

As you settle beneath your covers and close your eyes, you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand—an unusual vibration pattern that signals it’s Joelle. “I thought she was asleep?” you wonder. But as you read her message, your heart skips a beat.

jelly<3: texting ted jelly<3: he said he had a lot of fun tonight jelly<3: and schlatt did too ;) jelly<3: bet ur glad u came out with us!!!!!!!!!! i love u

Your heart flutters thinking about Schlatt again. Unable to think of a better response, you quickly type one out and toss your phone back on the nightstand, switching it to Do Not Disturb mode this time.

you: go to bed!!!!!

You drift off to sleep, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

Shit.

⭑ next chapter →

[mackscheese]

Tits - Schlatt Blurb Fic

slightly suggestive, non-gendered pronouns for reader but has tits (if i missed anything, please tell me <3)

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Schlatt loves tits.

It's that one thing he likes to bring up every chance he can get, which is why, as his partner with some sizeable boobs, it's always entertaining to tease him.

Hanging around a warehouse for a video Ted was filming, you and Schlatt were just running around stupid.

How else were you two going to fill the boring ass time between filming?

The game you two were playing was no different from the kids game tag, despite the two of you being grown ass adults and highly competitive.

This made you wearing a low - cut shirt to your advantage.

Running away from the taller, more broad man, you had to think of something quick to get him off of your ass. So, you turn around, slightly pull your already low shirt down, and push your tits together.

He immediately stopped in his tracks, mouth falling slightly agape at the sight in-front of him.

If the man wasn't in a public space, no doubt he would have fallen to his knees. (like the freak he is)

He stood still as you proceeded to run away, his mind going a mile a minute.

You knew in your mind you were going to get it later, leaving him with a semi hard on the rest of filming, but hey, its totally worth it.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

i'm aware this is shit, please cut me slack 😭 its been a couple of years

[pequins]

munch schlatt hc…… also charlie if you may…….

(can i be 🍄anon?)

ofc :) welcome to jynation 🍄 anon!

eater jschlatt headcanons

nsfw ahead , mdni .

• to put it simply, he’s an all you can eat buffet type of guy. he is not for the faint of heart, this man has a oral fixation like crazy, eats it like he’s on death row and got his final meal.

• he’ll never admit it, but hes definitely came in his pants more than once from it before.

• no matter how many times you cum, you’re not getting up until he’s done. if you try, he’ll simply slap your puffy cunt, wrap his arms around your legs and pull you back to his mouth.

• loves to feel you gripping his hair, especially man bun schlatt the harder you pull the louder his muffled moans get.

• looks absolutely pathetic when he’s done, the entire lower half of his face wet, a string of your slick dripping from his puffy lips, looking at you with his glossy eyes and flushed face.

• trust, he gets more out of it than you do. after an especially stressful or busy day, its all he thinks about. ( insert “its like a reward” sound here )

• everything depends on his day and if he’s feeling extra playful or not, he’s not really the kind to be soft and gentle but when he gets into a particularly rough mood, things get animalistic.

• he’ll do it anywhere. party bathroom? in the car? on the kitchen counter? he doesn’t give a fuck, bonus points if there’s people around and you have to stay quiet.

• and if you tease him, act like a brat or do anything to purposely annoy him? he’s tying your hands behind your back and edging you for hours. dont worry, you’ll be done when he feels like it.

• oh you’re on your period? 🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

• mustache. all im saying.

• this man makes more noise than you, the vibrations from his groans make it hard not to cum on the spot.

ill link charlie’s here when it’s posted <3

[renranram]

Baby making ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

nsfw + fluff

it's literally the title lmfao 😭

let's all be honest here and be straight to the point, schlatt wants to impregnate you ever since he saw you interacting with kids in unpaid intern

ludwig knew by putting both of you two in his show would make great content but he didn't expect he'll actually be an uncle soon

“ baby “ schlatt leans in as you work on editing a new video of yours, “ hm? yeah? “ you look up at him as you lower down your headphones

“ can't you edit later? wanna kiss you “ he states, whiney as he starts pecking your neck, you gasping, feeling his teeth sink in, “ jay… i dont think that's kissing “ you pat his back, hoping to crack a joke

“ y/n… be honest with me okay? “ he pause, pulling away as he faces you, cupping your cheeks as he continues, “ what do you think about children? “ he asks out

as you burst out chuckling, finding him adorable by saying that in a straight face, oblivious of his intentions

“ what? don't laugh im being serious “ he couldn't help but chuckle as he fixes your hair, “ no… it's just… i thought it was gonna be a serious question then you asked me about babies “ you smile

“ it is serious “ he defends himself, smiling at you as you take a deep breath, calming down as you nod, “ uhm… well… i like children..? “

schlatt looks at you weirdly, teasing you, “ ay! i dont mean it that way! “ you playfully hit your fiancé

“ i meant… i wanna take care of children, im happy to take care of children “ you explain thoroughly, as schlatt continues to tease you, as he cocks up one of his eyebrow

“ oh shut up schlatt, you know what i mean “ you chuckle as schlatt sighs, pecking your cheek, “ … okay okay i get it… but you know.. uh.. what about our own children? “

“ our children? “ you repeat, blinking in surprise, “ h-huh…? “ you ask as schlatt caresses your hair

“ toots… i… wanna have children with you “ schlatt confesses, “ our marriage is in 3 weeks… “

“ come on… please… ever since lud’s show… i wanna just… fucking bend you over and fill you up with babies toots.. “ he leans his face on your neck, as your body shivered, feeling his hot breath on your neck

“ jay..! “ you exclaim, surprised, “ what? if you've only seen yourself taking care of those kids, you dont realize how much im excited to wife you up and make you carry my children so badly “ he caresses you hair

“ y/n… babe… please “ he starts pecking your neck, “ toots… please… let me fill you up, let me see you carry our children “

“ … jay “ that's the word that you can mutter out, “ can we do it? “ he gently asks as you take a deep breather, before slowly nodding, “ … okay “

“ fuck… im gonna make love to you all night holy shit “ he chuckles in success as he easily carries you up from your desk as you squeal, surprised

the two of you lock lips, kissing eachother as schlatt holds your back for support before gently setting you down on your guy's bed, hungrily devouring your lips but being so gentle as he slips his hand in your shirt

fondling with your breast, that's why he preferred whenever you don't wear any bras, for easy access if yk what i mean

he gently removes your shirt, liking how your nipples perk up, as he breaks the kiss a string of saliva connects your lips, as he kisses your breast, his lips sucking on your nipples as he looks up at you with those endearing eyes of his

“ angh… jay “ you moan out as he trace kisses all over your body until it reaches your hips, his hand gently guiding you as he removes your pants and panties

“ does it feel good? “ he asks, as he threw your last piece of clothing on your bedroom's floor, as you nod in response, “ i want you to feel so good okay? “ schlatt smiles

as he gently divides your legs, making you spread out for him, “ fuck… how do you get this wet so easily? “ schlatt states before gently entering a finger in, causing you to gasp

“ because… you make me so wet “ you chuckle softly as schlatt chuckes too, slowly thrusting his finger in and out as he leans in to peck your clit

he savors your pussy as he digs himself in, tasting you as he moans out while you arch your back in pleasure, holding onto his hair as you moan his name out, “ jay… fuck “

he swirls his tongue in, fucking your hole with his tongue, he can feel your flaps flutter as he continues on

he licks your clit, swirling his tongue around it even sucking it, “ feels so good toots? feels so good hm? “ he repeats, mumbling as he eats you out

“ yes… yes… ah… schlatt “ you gently pulls on his hair as he continues to thrust his finger in while tongue fucking you, adding another finger causing you to gasp again as you rolls your eyes back

you wrap your legs around his head, locking him in as he notices your breath fastening, you're close, he continues to lick you out as your moans are getting louder and louder every second

“ b-babe… ugh… im cumming “ you breathe out but immediately regretted it as schlatt pulls away, as you whine, “ what the fuck “ you groan out, now pouting

“ dont look at me like that “ schlatt chuckles, “ im not letting my wife get an orgasm because i ate her out “ he replies as he unties his jogs, lowering it revealing his hard dick, not wearing any underwear since it's only you two home

“ remember, our focus here is getting you pregnant with our healthy babies, not tongue fucking you until you're pleasured “ he smiles, teasing you as he pats your cheek, pecking you

he slowly pushes his tip in, teasing you as he rubs it on your clit, “ then get me pregnant already… you're just teasing me at this point “ you pout as he slaps the side of your hips

“ so impatient, are you this eager to be a mother already? “ schlatt pushes his whole size in, gasping, feeling his dick fill you up, you can feel it throbbing inside you

“ fuck! “ you gasp out, as schlatt holds your hips, slamming his dick inside of you, as you gasp again, moaning, enjoying how you easily bounce off just from a thrust

“ you look more prettier like this, “ he teases you, leaning in as he folds your body in half just to able to lock lips with you again, “ i should fuck you everyday so we can be sure you get pregnant “ he added

his rolls his hips, his hands trailing all over your body, touching every part of you, his hands trace your curves, admiring your shape and body

kissing your forehead, cheek, neck, everywhere, this man makes you feel loved everytime, “ you're gonna look so pretty with my kids, yeah? “ schlatt fucks you up

“ you're gonna be my little pretty wife okay, gonna see you carry our kids, gonna make you be a pretty little housewife “

after saying those you can feel his pace fasten, god, it really does feel different without the rubber, you thought, as your room fills with moans, skin slapping, thrusts, groans and squelches

“ ah ngh jay- jay- please… “ you moan out, pulling on his hair as you can feel him throb, his thrusts getting aggressive every second as your body limps in pleasure

“ im cumming.. im cumming.. baby, toots.. ugh.. im gonna fill you up, im gonna fill you up with my babies, you're gonna… fuck… look so pretty pregnant, you're gonna be the most prettiest.. fucking housewife ever “ schlatt starts to peck your face before catching your lips

the two of you kiss, your tongues tangled with eachother as he finally cums inside of you, while you squirt your juices, unison with his orgasm, schlatt pulls out, chuckling in amusement as he sees his semen leaks out of you

“ fuck… you're gonna be a the mother of our children soon “ he smiles, pushing his finger in to keep his semen from leaking

-

a full year had passed, your child was finally brought on the world, you sigh out as you publish a new video, as you look behind, seeing schlatt was holding your daughter, carrying her as he smiles at you

“ is she asleep? “ you stand up, approaching them, “ surprisingly yeah, she's been behaving for me “ schlatt gently caresses your daughter face

admiring as the 3 month old scrunches her face in her sleep, “ she's a big mama’s girl huh? “ you ask, as schlatt nods, “ i think she loves you more than me “

“ but in her defense, if you're my mom id prefer you “ schlatt jokes as you chuckle, leaning your head onto his shoulder