#christmas movies recap the vow

[hallmarkchristmaspitches]

Recap: “Welcome to Christmas” (Hallmark, 2018)

SARAH FROM “THE VOW” IS IN THIS MOVIE.

And it’s 2018, so you know she was branded.

[365days365movies]

February 27, 2021: Love Actually (2003) (Part 1)

We gotta start this Recap.

Just trust me here, this one’s gonna be a lot. Why? Because this is Love Actually.

And I really want to talk about it, I REALLY do, but...this is not only a long movie, but an anthology, so it’s gonna be...complicated. But, I will say one thing. If you’ve been reading this since January, then you’ll know that this blog was inspired by the book Shit, Actually by Lindy West, a collection of hilarious movie essays that I love. And, yeah, this film is its namesake. So, although I want to go more into it, we gotta get started. Sorry for the rush, but...TRUST ME.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

An airport! We see families and other loved ones reunited at Heathrow, as narration begins, telling us that love is everywhere. After name-dropping 9/11...TWO YEARS after it had happened (too soon, David), he states that “love actually is all around.”

Got it. So, as the 2003 film All Around begins, singer Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) is trying to sing a Christmas-themed version of “Love Is All Around,” which is pretty goddamn bad. His recording manager Joe (Gregor Fisher) agrees. Jamie (Colin Firth) tells his sick girlfriend (Sienna Guillory) that he loves her, and he takes off for something that he can’t attend.

Daniel (Liam Neeson), a fresh widower, calls his friend Karen (Emma Thompson) a mom bidding her daughter a good day as she heads to school. Jack (Martin Freeman) and Judy (Joanna Page) are...air humping on a set? I need to know more. Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Juliet (Kiera Knightley) are getting married in a church, with their friend Mark (Andrew Lincoln) as the best man. And FINALLY, David (Hugh Grant) has just been elected as the new Prime Minister, where he meets Natalie (Martine McCutcheon), a member of the household staff.

...Well, that is a lot. Goddamn. So, this is an anthology movie, huh? I’ll try to cover this as smoothly as I can.

Peter and Juliet say their vows, and as they walk out, they are surprised by a rendition of the Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love”, organized by Mark. At the wedding is Jamie, whose brother is at his apartment when he returns home early. He’s there to fuck his girlfriend. Oh. Shit. Well, sorry, Jamie. 

Also at the wedding is Colin (Kris Marshall), a waiter and messenger who’s been trying to woo British women, but is constantly failing. When talking to his friend Tony (Abdul Sallis), he insists that he’s going to the USA, where the women will appreciate his accent. Tony tells him to simply accept that he’s a “lonely, ugly asshole”. Colin, in response, calls himself a God of sex on the wrong continent. A pair, these two.

Tony is a production assistant, working on the film that Jack and Judy are in. They’re apparently professional stand-ins, actors who substitute actors in film set-up, in order to figure out lighting and cinematography. Neat! Well, normally. Here, they’re standing in for a sex scene, and they ask Judy to go topless, to see how best to frame the shot. And it gets...increasingly awkward. And it’s pretty goddamn funny.

Meanwhile, a funeral. Oof, tone whiplash right there. It’s a funeral for Daniel’s wife Joanna, and she leaves behind him and her son, Sam (Thomas Sangster AKA fuckin’ Joffrey, but I won’t hold that against him). Back at the wedding, Mark stares on longingly at the dancing Peter and Juliet. A woman asks if he’s in love with Mark, and he replies no.

At an office building, another guest at the wedding, Sarah (Laura Linney), is a worker at a graphic design company run by Harry (...awww, Alan Rickman). His secretary Mia (Heike Makatsch) brings her in to Harry’s office, where he tells her that he and everyone else in the office knows that she’s in love with fellow worker Karl (Rodrigo Santoro), and that he should get it over with an ask him out. He walks by her, and she doesn’t say anything, while also recieving a call...from someone she refers to as “babe”. Well, I feel a little infidelity coming on.

On Mia’s radio, Billy Mack’s shitty Christmas song is playing, and a radio host agrees as Bill’s brought on for an interview. Bill shares the sentiment in what must be the most depressing radio interview I’ve ever heard. In that interview with Mikey (Marcus Brigstocke), he basically completely sabotages his own record, and probably his entire career. This interview is followed with news about the Prime Minister.

David, new PM, has been bonding more with Natalie, and the two definitely appear to like each other. He also comes up in conversation between Judy and Jack, as their stand-in sex scene has progressed to basically just straight-up sex, which feels...I feel like this doesn’t fucking happen with stand-ins in movies...right? Like, come on, that’s a LOT of breached privacy, and I feel like it’s not that realistic. Anyway, the two use the opportunity to make small talk, and Jack tells Judy that he appreciates having someone to talk to. She agrees, and it’s cute in an extremely awkward way!

Production assistant Tony is heading home, and is getting a ride from Colin, who announces that he’s bought a ticket for a trip to the beautiful land of Wisconsin, where he will certainly meet some hot, hot babes. Tony does not agree.

Back at Harry’s office, he and Mia plan the company Christmas party. Mia unsubtly notes that she kinda has the hots for him, and he’s not saying no. Meanwhile, Daniel and Karen are talking about the fact that his stepson Sam seems to be having a lot of trouble, understandably, and Daniel’s not doing much better. 

Karen does her best to help him through it, and Daniel does his best to help the troubled Samuel. But he can’t coax much out of Samuel to figure out what’s wrong. Samuel finally opens up, but tells Daniel that he’s in love. Daniel’s surprised, but he insists that he’s in love, with a young woman named Sansa Stark, but he must find a way to ensure her loyalty, if ONLY HER NOBLE FATHER WASN’T IN THE...right, sorry, Game of Thrones.

OK, anyway, Sam’s in love, and in complete agony about it. Daniel tries to coach Sam through his feelings, and is genuinely being a supportive-as-hell stepdad. Also in love and in agony is Sarah, staring at Karl from afar one night as the office closes down. And then, also in agony is Jamie, fresh off of his breakup with his cheating girlfriend. He’s in a GORGEOUS AS FUCK house in the French countryside, and sits down to write.

Back in London, David tries to get to know Natalie a bit better, and they...I mean, they’re 100% gonna get together by the end. We’re just working through the romantic folderol right now. Natalie leaves, and David asks a portrait of Margaret Thatcher is she had that problem, calling her a, uh...a “saucy minx.” Well, OK.

Billy Mack is on a television show, continuing his press tour and reminding us once again that he used to be addicted to heroin. Joe is not happy. Mark, an artist, calls Peter, and is put on the line with Juliet. Peter asks him to “be nice,” but when he they talk to each other, he’s rather short when she asks for some of his footage from the wedding.

Back at Harry’s, Mia is laying it on fuckin’ THIIIIIICK, Jesus, while Sarah ends up pining once more for Karl. At his college in the French countryside, a new housekeeper, Aurélia ( Lúcia Moniz), has been hired to take care of his place. However, there’s a serious language barrier between the two, as she’s Portuguese, and he’s too talkative, goddamn. It’s awkward. It’s a little awkward.

David’s got a meeting with the President of the United States (Billy Bob Thornton), who IMMEDIATELY notes Natalie’s attractiveness. Political tensions are also rough between the two and their administrations. The two have a private meeting later, and David leaves the room for a moment. However, when he goes back in, he sees Natalie kissing the President! Whaaaaaaaat? That’s a...fucking terrible idea, Mr. President, what the FUCK? HAVE YOU HEARD OF BILL CLINTON

The next day, at a press conference, David gives into his rage about the affair, and he acts more assertive towards the President, noting that he won’t bow to the President’s bullying. Wow. International crisis time because of a fuckin’ girl! Who’s the saucy minx, now, Thatcher? WHO’S THE SAUCY MINX NOW

Right afterwards, he gets a call from his sister: Karen. Huh. She notes her frustrations with his actions, but he’s too busy and hangs up. She states her frustrations to her husband: Harry. DOUBLE HUH. After everything, though, David retires for the night. The radio station plays a song for him, and David responds by dancing around 10 Downing Street. And it’s hilarious. And I love it?

At Jamie’s cottage, he and Aurélia start to bond regardless of their language barrier, and their conversations seem to gel with each other, despite them not understanding that themselves. It’s actually...kind of cute. I dunno, I kind of like it. I think it’s sweet. Overly saccharine, yeah, but sweet as the two fall in love. Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ sap, what can I say?

Juliet visits Mark, who’s once again acting fairly cold towards her. She confronts him about it, and notes that she wants to genuinely become friends with him. Mark seems to agree with this, but still notes that he has no video of the wedding. And yet, she finds it, only to discover that Mark doesn’t hate her. Actually, he likes her. Actually...he loves her. And, uh...fuck, yeah, he LOOOOOOOOVES her. And she figures that out once she realizes that the video of the wedding doesn’t feature Peter in it AT ALL.

Y’know, I’m really worried that this is becoming an infidelity situation, but I have to admit...Mark’s a good man, and a great friend to Peter. He knows that he loves Juliet, but he keeps his distance for the sake of his friend. And that is...actually amazingly honorable. Damn. You’re a good man, Mark.

At 10 Downing Street, David asks his assistant Annie (Nina Sosanya) to put Natalie in another position, as her presence is distracting him. And that is...responsible. That’s pretty damn responsible. OK, I can dig it. She’s soon replaced, and you can see that David is saddened by that.

His sister’s best friend's stepson, Sam, has just gotten bad news. His crush, Joanna (oh, yeah, his crush has the same name as his deceased mother, forgot to mention THAT little tidbit), is going back to the USA. After discovering that she’s American, Daniel decides to cheer him up by watching Titanic together. AND AGAIN. This relationship is adorable, and I love Daniel’s hardcore good dad energy.

Jamie and Aurélia need to bid each other goodbye, as Jamie is headed back to England. However, as they part, Aurélia kisses him goodbye, which seems to break him a little. Meanwhile, Billy Mack has shot a video for his terrible song, which inspires Sam to perform in a school concert to get Joanna to fall in lover with him and get her to stay. But he doesn’t play an instrument, and chooses to learn the drums, to Daniel’s dismay.

At Harry’s company Christmas party, Mia is hitting HARDCORE on Harry, which Karen notices. She’s speaking to Sarah, and encourages her to dance with Karl, while to two stand in front of Mark’s photographs, and...

TOO MUCH. IT’S TOO GODDAMN MUCH

I...I gotta take a break, and we’re at the halfway point anyway. See you in Part 2.

[tabloidtoc]

Life & Style, January 4

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Brad Pitt destroys Angelina Jolie after her affair with Johnny Depp is exposed

Page 1: Photo Flash -- it’s been just under four months since Simon Cowell underwent six hours of surgery after breaking his back in an electric bike accident forcing him to cancel all his work duties for the rest of the year but you wouldn’t know it to look at him -- on his annual tropical vacation with his family to Barbados Simon appeared to have made a full recovery as he took to the water on a jet ski 

Page 2: Contents 

Page 4: The top 10 red looks -- Dove Cameron, Meghan Markle, Scarlett Johansson, Maya Rudolph, Danai Gurira 

Page 5: Emma Mackey, Ciara, Kathryn Hahn, Daisy Ridley, Kat Graham 

Page 6: Britney Spears’ father Jamie Spears is speaking out amid his ongoing legal battle with Britney, saying he loves his daughter very much and noting that he hasn’t spoken to Britney since August when she requested to have him officially removed from her conservatorship -- he added when a family member needs special care and protection families need to step up as he has done for the last 12-plus years to safeguard and protect and continue to love Britney unconditionally -- while Jamie’s attorney insists that he and Britney have a normal father-daughter relationship insofar as there has always been mutual love and respect for each other Britney’s legal team claims that Britney is afraid of her father and will not perform as long as he is in charge of her career

Page 7: Nicole Kidman is earning rave reviews for her role in the hit drama The Undoing and Reese Witherspoon can’t stand it -- the last episode of The Undoing drew in the network’s biggest audience since Big Little Lies’ season 2 finale and there’s already talk of Nicole sweeping awards season -- tensions between the two leading ladies threatened to boil over in 2018 when Nic won an Emmy and a Golden Globe for BLL beating out her co-star Reese both times and to make matters worse Nicole recently signed on to star in a new show based on BLL author Liane Moriarty’s book Nine Perfect Strangers without Reese -- Nicole and Reese used to be the best of friends but now they barely talk and it’s only a matter of time until they stop speaking altogether 

* Throwback -- Jordin Sparks 

* Biggest Spenders of the Week -- Ellen DeGeneres, Tom Brady, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds

Page 8: Ben Affleck is no stranger to getting inked -- he has five tattoos including a phoenix rising from the ashes on his back and a dolphin on his hip but when he asked girlfriend Ana de Armas to go under the needle she told him no way -- Ben wanted Ana to get a small tattoo but she refused and she would do almost anything for him except get a tattoo because her family would kill her 

* Armie Hammer and Rumer Willis have called it quits over his refusal to commit -- the two were first linked in September shortly after he split from his wife of 10 years Elizabeth Chambers but Rumer wanted something more serious but Armie wasn’t ready to settle down

Page 10: The Week in Photos -- Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton treated Prince George and Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis to a special pantomime performance at London’s historic Palladium theater 

Page 11: Kelly Clarkson congratulated The Voice contestant Desz on making it to the Top 5, Brooke Burke filmed a challenge for her app in Malibu 

Page 12: Cameron Mathison was joined by his daughter Leila while hosting Hallmark’s Home & Family 

Page 13: Rebel Wilson at the Rockefeller Center ice rink, Bethenny Frankel and her pups Biggy and Smallz by the Christmas tree

Page 14: Hailee Steinfeld and Jeremy Renner on the set of their upcoming series Hawkeye 

Page 16: Stars Behaving Badly -- Selling Sunset’s Christine Quinn left little to the imagination stripping down for a Playboy shoot at the famous Chateau Rose in Bel Air, Blake Shelton used a safety cone as a megaphone on the set of The Voice, Malin Akerman couldn’t resist jumping on the bed at a Hotel Style collection event in NYC 

Page 18: Say What?! Garcelle Beauvais on filming The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Rumer Willis on father Bruce Willis’ baby boy dreams after welcoming five daughters, Dolly Parton who turns 75 in January, Meghan Trainor on refusing to get intimate with husband Daryl Sabara during her pregnancy, Jason Momoa on his go-to form of exercise 

Page 20: Dakota Johnson was seen sporting a massive emerald stone while out shopping in L.A. sparking speculation that she is engaged to Chris Martin -- there’s no big announcement yet but Chris has quietly proposed and he and Dakota already act like a married couple and they’re excited about finally making it official -- Chris’ children with Gwyneth Paltrow Apple and Moses really like Dakota and will obviously be an important part of their special day and there’s a good chance that Gwyneth who couldn’t be happier about the engagement will be invited to the wedding too 

Page 21: Cardi B is giving her marriage to Offset another shot -- she filed for divorce in September after growing tired of not seeing things eye to eye but withdrew the petition without prejudice a few weeks later and now that they’ve rekindled their love she’s asked her husband to renew their wedding vows -- Cardi wants Offset to recommit to their marriage and she wants him to do it for them and for their daughter Kulture so that her little girl can see just how much her parents truly love each other 

Page 22: Cover Story -- Brad Pitt gets revenge after Angelina Jolie’s alleged affair with Johnny Depp is exposed -- as his custody battle with Angie drags on Brad might have Johnny to thank for giving him a path to victory -- Brad always suspected something may have gone on between Johnny and Angie when they were making 2010′s The Tourist at a time when they were two of the sexiest and most successful movie stars in Hollywood 

Page 26: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West separate lives -- after six years of marriage Kim and Kanye are barely interacting -- Kim is focused on her own projects and on raising the children and Kanye’s interests don’t align with hers anymore -- Kanye is thoughtful and does nice things for Kim but there is no real chemistry or romance left in their marriage; the spark is no longer there -- while Kanye obsessed over Kim for years before they became an item his love and attention as well as hers is now trained on their four kids 

Page 28: Cameron Diaz: This is the happiest time in my life -- with her acting days behind her Cameron feels fulfilled at last -- a lot of people do it the other way around ...they get married and have a family in their youth Cameron notes but she’s doing it in the second half of her life -- Cam says she cooked every single meal for Benji Madden and Raddix during the first four months of quarantine and loved it; they’re her everything 

Page 30: Royal TV War -- Duchess Kate Middleton and Prince William seem poised to steal Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s spotlight -- Will and Kate want to branch out and expanding their media reach with The Earthshot Prize is just a springboard for them and there are a host of projects they’d like to get off the ground including giving people a more down-to-earth picture of what their life is like behind closed doors -- The Earthshot Prize which will award five monetary prizes each year for the next 10 years launched with Cate Blanchett and Sir Richard Attenborough and Shakira already signed on as judges and Will and Kate aren’t done recruiting stars though and they like the idea of teaming up more formally with personalities they respect and admire and exploring the world of documentaries and streaming platforms and radio broadcasts and other aspects of the internet is the perfect way to do that  -- royal family members were said to have raised eyebrows over Meghan and Harry’s deal with Netflix so the couple now finds it surprising and suspicious that Will and Kate are following their lead and there’s a potential for fireworks if they step on each other’s toes 

Page 32: Who Lives Here? Leslie Jones 

Page 36: Fashion -- 2020 Style Recap -- all about loungewear and masks -- with no red carpets to attend Hollywood hit pause on glam and embraced comfort in sweats and athleisurewear -- Vanessa Hudgens, Hilary Duff, Hailey Baldwin, Alessandra Ambrosio, Addison Rae 

Page 37: Brie Larson, Jennifer Lopez, Olivia Munn, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley 

Page 38: Beauty Beat -- new year, new zen -- Kendall Jenner, Elizabeth Banks, Camila Cabello, Madelaine Petsch 

Page 40: Diva or Down-to-Earth? Sara Bareilles had a helper hold her umbrella -- Diva, Katie Holmes browses for books -- Down-to-earth 

Page 41: Julia Garner requires a primp posse -- Diva, Jax Taylor mows the lawn -- Down-to-earth 

Page 42: Social Stars Posts of the Week -- Andy Cohen and son Benjamin, Tim McGraw, Kourtney Kardashian and Kendall Jenner, Jonathan Scott and girlfriend Zooey Deschanel 

Page 44: Horoscope -- Capricorn Sienna Miller turned 39 on December 28 

* They’re Not Together But They Should Be -- Leo Kate Beckinsale and Sagittarius Jake Gyllenhaal 

Page 48: What I’m Into -- Kristin Cavallari 

[onestarromcoms]

December 8: “The Spirit of Christmas” encore

I’ve reviewed several terrible movies in a row so let’s head back to The Spirit of Christmas (Dec 3). I’d like to show romantic writing that’s effective so we can contrast it to the garbage I’ve been wallowing in.

To recap the plot: Kate, a beautiful workaholic estate lawyer, is tasked with appraising and selling the Hollygrove Inn, a charming historic B&B. Daniel, the handsome Prohibition-era ghost haunting the Inn, is scaring away potential buyers. Kate vows to help him pass on. Romance ensues. The scene below occurs after Kate agrees to help Daniel cross over, Daniel shares much of his life story, and they become tentative friends (and yes, they’re decorating a Christmas tree):

This scene shows, in a shockingly competent way, a crucial step in falling in love that’s often missing from these movies: shared vulnerability. In the scenes preceding this one, Kate and Daniel spend a lot of time together picking apart Daniel’s horrific experiences and personal flaws that may have led up to his haunting. In this scene, Daniel voices a totally reasonable expectation of equivocal emotional vulnerability. He recognizes that he has exposed intimate details of his life and death to Kate and, respectfully and with good humour, requests she equalize their positions by sharing information about her personal life. 

Kate admits that she’s never been in love, that she wants to be, but doesn’t think she knows how. As a critical thinker, Kate thinks that falling in love is something that you learn. You might need instructions for it, or a model to study. Daniel objects to this idea. You could argue that he’s mansplaining her feelings to her, but you could also argue that Daniel, who has been in love, sees qualities of compassion and devotion in Kate that she can’t see in herself.

So yeah, this movie adequately and competently convinces the viewers that its romantic leads are actually falling in love, which is bolstered by the fact that even by the end of the movie they never tell each other they love each other, because only idiots think you can fall in love in the span of twelve days. The closest they come this scene where Kate tells Daniel that she’ll continue to visit him if they fail at getting him to pass on:

In fact, just before Daniel is recorporealized, he has to make a choice about whether to join his fiance Lilly in the afterlife or stay with Kate, and he’s not sure. It’s a struggle for him.

And when he is somehow re-corporealized (again, still not clear on the supernatural rules in this movie’s universe), he tells Kate:

Finally, I’ll leave you with some snippets that support their falling in love story for your viewing pleasure:

>> Kate grabbing Daniel’s hand and you know it’s the first human touch he’s felt in 95 years 

>> Daniel and Kate admitting to each other they wish she could buy his inn so at the very least she would own the place he’s haunting for eternity 

>> Daniel mixing a cocktail for himself and then handing it to Kate even though she has a full martini

>> Daniel smiling to himself because he’s happy to see Kate after she’s been gone for a few days of lawyering

>> Bonus Daniel looking fly at the ironing board

Listen, this movie isn't great. In fact, it’s choc-full of flaws. But I respect it a lot more than movies I’m supposed to think are good, so take that for what you will. I’m upgrading it to 2 ½ stars.

[lianneoelke]

Watney Wanders: Part 7

I know this post is two years late. Sue me. 

Quick recap: in 2017, Brian and I took Watney, our ‘84 Dodge camper van, on an epic six week long journey to Haida Gwaii, Bowron Lakes, Mount Robson, and finally, Alberta.

My sister Erin got married in a barn in Edmonton. It turned out to be a very nice barn. Built by rich Albertans. Classic. The day before the wedding, I drew Bosker/ Oelke Wedding signs to direct traffic while Brian washed the dance floor. There was a thunderstorm and tornado warning that night, and since Brian spent the night parked out back in Watney, he was able to re-peg the tents to keep them from flying away. Absolute champion.

Where the ladies got ready.

It was, without a doubt, the most hilarious wedding I’ve eve been to. Erin and Alex seamlessly wove chocolate milk into their ceremony, Nicolas Cage quotes (“Not the bees!”) into their wedding vows, candy into their thank-you gifts, and garden gnomes into their drink tickets. What more could you ask for?

I’m wearing one of the neon green skirts. Woo!

The dance floor got pretty rowdy.

The next day we helped clean up. We then booked it to Calgary, where we met up with an old friend of Brian’s, looking to catch the latest episode of GoT. The following morning we headed west on Highway 1. We wanted to spend time hiking in Banff, but the air was a lil too thick with smoke (and the views not as outstanding as they could have been) for any rigorous outdoor activity. We decided to push on to Glacier National Park. I spent a night there by myself the previous summer, all small and snugly tucked away in Watney while thunder boomed across the glacier. It’s one of my favourite campsites in BC.

Our first day in Illicelliwaet found us (or at least me) too socially and otherwise exhausted to do any hiking beyond a short walk after dinner, but the next day, we attempted one of the many Grouse Grinds of Glacier National Park. After 4 km and 950 meters up relentless switchbacks we found ourselves in the middle of a panoramic (but smoky) view.

It’s not the destination that’s important, but the friends you make along the way.

After a night parked across the best site in the campground, we spent the morning watching the family pack so we could drive in 30 seconds after they left. Camping in a national park is serious business.

I had originally planned on an endless summer of limited responsibilities, but I had to start work on another Christmas movie the following week, so I settled for steady employment and lunch and money instead. Thanks a lot, Mark.

The ride home was rocky. After a few stops to skillfully apply duck tape under Watney’s hood, we eventually found ourselves in familiar Vancouver rush hour traffic, our ears still ringing from the roar of Watney’s engine.

At that was the end of Watney Wanders 2017.

Highlight: Seeing my lil sister get married.

Lowlight: The bar in Calgary that couldn’t figure out their shit enough to screen the season premiere of GoT properly, forcing us to leave before they ruined everything.

Gold Star: To Erin (aka Goose aka Erin Bosker the 2nd) for planning such a great wedding.

Overall Gold Star: i thought about giving this gold star to Alley Cat because she’s an absolute dream, but I figured that would be a dick move since she wasn’t actually on the trip. So Brian gets the gold star. But not by default! He is the only person I could never get sick of after six weeks in a van together.

Additional Overall Gold Star: To Alley Cat for being an absolute dream.

[jprimo96]

2016 End of Year Recap

Hella late on this, probably latest I’ve ever been on a post here, but it’s been hard to get the motivation and to even write about some of the stuff from last year. Anyways, here we go: Damn, what a year. I can’t remember the last time that a year was so up and down, with the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I really had some of my best and worst days this year and that’s weird because most years are either just good or bad, 2016 was pretty much both. 2016 started off so bad because my dad decided he wanted to finally tell my mom he wanted separation and proceeded to leave the house, which led to my mom becoming depressed and initially suicidal, telling me and my little brother that she was gonna leave us all the money and end it all. I’ll never forget that day and it absolutely shook me; I avoided going/staying home for months so that she couldn’t enact her plan. I even spent my whole spring break at my dorm because of how terrified I was to go home. I had hoped that my best friend/roommate would be there to help me get through that week so that I wouldn’t be alone with all the darkness, but I was wrong. It’s not his fault; he was busy with his ex girl’s prom week and it’s not his responsibility to look after me, but I just hoped he’d be there for me in this dark time. He did initially come to see and hang with me at the beginning of the week, but after we saw a shitty movie on a Thursday night, I didn’t see him for the rest of the week, I didn’t really see anyone for the whole week because my little brother had school, so it was just me in that dorm, alone with the darkness. I began to get consumed by bad thoughts and was as close as I have ever been to giving up and ending it all, because I just didn’t think things would ever get any better and I have major abandonment issues that do bad things to me on occasion. I somehow made it through the break, but that whole week took a toll on me mentally and it took me a whole summer to really recover from it and really made me question if there was even a God.  I made it through the semester after that spring break, finishing with all A’s for the first time in my college career and went back home with my head high for the summer. At first I expected it to be a shitty summer as the past few summers have been, but this was easily one of the best summers I’ve ever had. I worked at my parent’s new restaurant, running it as my own in the night time and slept practically all day because I stayed up so late watching movies and tv shows and I made a lot of new friends that were my coworkers. I even got drunk for the first time since my senior trip on July 4th with my friends and actually started drinking regularly every time we partied together. BUT, those things are not what made summer so great. What really made summer awesome was the great trips I got to take with my dad. In the middle of the summer my dad decided to take me, my little brother, and his friend to Six Flags and we had a hell of a day, since it was my first time being there since D took me and Ridge 3 years ago! At the end of that day my dad mentioned that we might take a week to Orlando and go to Disney, but we swore he was bluffing. Well… he definitely WASN’T, because to end our summer on the last week of July we went to Orlando! I posted about it awhile back, but it was by far the best week I’ve ever had, as opposed to the worst week I had during spring break haha. I got to stay in and experience the most magical place on Earth, I got to ride some of the best rides at Universal Studios and run from security for the first time, and most importantly I got to make these memories with the 2 people that mean the most to me in this life.  Summer was great with these things, but summer was also tough. This is because my mom dealt with the divorce news by becoming negligent towards my little brother and I. If we wanted to eat, we had to get meals ourselves or remind her to buy us something, and that’s fucking ridiculous. It boiled my blood to work all night and come home to my starving brother because my mom refused to BE A MOTHER. So after going through that all summer I vowed to never live with her again and I moved out to my apartment where I’m typing this for you guys now and it’s really the only place I can call home now.  So, summer ends and I’m all moved into this apartment ready for this new school year to start and it ends as fast as it started. It began so fun because I started going out for the first time, since all my friends were doing it and I felt like I might be able to find what I’ve been looking for because it was such a change from what I’ve always done. Pregaming and having a good time before the party was always so fun, but getting in the night club sucked because I’m not the type to approach a random girl and start dancing or talking, no matter how much alcohol I had in me, so that’s when the fun usually faded away, and also not making it to the party because I overdrink and get sick. What really ended the fun for me was seeing that 2 of best friends broke up with their long term girls recently at the same time and then ending up with new relationships, while I still have yet to find anyone in nearly 3 years. That really tested my faith and also made me envious of 2 of my closest friends, because I felt like I deserved it more than they did. Because I’ve been through more shit and I just need to find someone to help me get through this constant pain and help me make it go away, unlike them who have relatively had it good for awhile compared to me. Hump I’m happy that you’ve finally found someone that you can do shit with and make you happy. D you know I’m happy for you, but honestly I fear that your new relationship will lead to the end of our brotherhood, because you’re hardly at our apartment anymore, we don’t go out and do things together like we used to, and I fear that you’re gonna move out and move on without me. I’ve spent so many lonely nights in this goddamn apartment that just keep adding up and each night just slips me deeper and deeper into madness. Maybe it’s just my abandonment issues causing me to think like this, but that’s how I’ve felt for awhile now and I just haven’t been able to say it. You know what? Nah fuck my abandonment issues; if you are really my “best friend” and you know that I’m going through a tough time and that I’m still alone, I feel like you should make some sort of damn effort to help me get back on my feet or help me find someone, instead of just enjoying yourself while you know that I’m miserable. It’s messed up, because as soon as you need me, you know that I’m there ASAP, but it’s never the other god damn way around and it makes me question how close we really are. I only hear from you when you need something or if I make the effort first to text you and we are way closer than that; at least I think so, I’m not really sure anymore. Look I understand that things aren’t good with your mom either and I know we both are starting our own lives and I don’t expect you to look after me like a kid, but I do expect you to at least worry about me and make an effort to help me when I’m in the shitters like I’ve been for nearly the past year, considering how close we’ve grown to be.  I hope that I’m wrong and that a year from now we’re as strong as brothers as ever, but right now that’s been nonexistent, so I guess we’ll see. You know that you’re the closest thing to family that I got other than my own family, so I wanna be around as long as I possibly can in this life. Now that I got that off my chest I got something else to address. I almost lost one of my best friends because of a terrible incident that should’ve never happened in the first place. I’ve come to forgive you for this because I know you need me and D more than ever if you do get thrown out and I wanna be there, but it’s gonna be hard to not blame you if my brother does end up corrupted in the future because of what you did, so keep that in mind. I hope and pray he doesn’t and that nothing like that ever happens between us again. Alright, well the semester comes to an end; finished with 3 As and 2 Bs, not my best showing, but sadly I finished still alone. My repeated efforts to find someone or even start with someone end in failure, but I’m not heartbroken, just disappointed and beginning to lose patience with “God’s” timing and start to get depressed. I may not show it, but I’m really mentally weak. I start to miss friends I never thought I’d lose, I start to think about all the what if’s that I wish worked out and I just get down on myself and question any and every friendship, even my strongest ones. I start to question my existence as a whole and have to get in the car and drive around with some music to get myself out of it. Seriously guys, this is what I go through when no one’s around, but I just keep on keepin on because maybe tomorrow can end this feeling, who fuckin knows? Maybe I need a therapist because these cycles are unhealthy, but at the end of the day I’m usually okay, I just have my dark days like everyone does, just more often.  Okay this shit is long enough so time to get to the end. I just got done with my Christmas break and it was surprisingly good. Christmas flew by, my dad was only there for the morning presents and my brother found out about Santa so Christmas magic is pretty much over from here on out. My mom didn’t buy a single gift or even decorate the house, I’m not sure what’s up with her really, but my dad came in clutch and did everything even though he doesn’t live there anymore and that is what a true parent is. Christmas ends and most of my break consisted of staying up all night and sleeping till about noon and spending days with my little brother. It was really good having most of the guys back home and hanging like the high school days. Football was fun even though it was exhausting, basketball was cool, but best was the Madden tourny’s at Jordan’s where we really felt like kids again and got to have good conversations that we don’t get to have much anymore. We’re growing up and we’re not gonna have chances to do things like that all the time so we gotta take advantage of em. O yeah New Year’s came around, but I didn’t make it to the party or to the countdown, gotta end this trend because throwing up and waking up hungover sucks. So, we’re almost 2 weeks into 2017 and not much has changed. Junior Year has begun and I’m super late on this post and I don’t really have any expectations for this year. I’m not really sure if I’m depressed, but I’m staying up late and sleeping in missing the sun and it’s hard to be happy and to be happy for your friends when nearly nothing good happens to you. I don’t know why I keep getting “blessed” with all these material things, because I’d honestly give them up in a heartbeat to find what you guys have/had. Maybe this year my darkness ends for good and I can finally find what I’m looking for. Maybe things will get better for once or maybe losing someone close is exactly what I need to find it, because right now that is what feels like will happen, but only time will tell. I just hope that you get the memo that I need my bestfriend, because family just isn’t enough anymore. You’re the one person I can rely on when I have no one else and lately you’re just not there anymore and it kills me to talk like this might happen, because I have no one else. I’m sorry this has been so long and that it can be depressing, but I guess that’s just life right? A series of ups and downs, I just happen to have a lot more low points than everyone else. This is my only source of therapy at the moment, so thank you for taking the time to read this and worry about me. Typing this shit out helps me feel better and for some reason, you guys enjoy reading it. You guys know who you are and I appreciate you. Not sure when I’ll be back, could be tomorrow, could be next week, could be a few months, but you know I’ll be back. Tomorrow I get to see my first NFL game with my favorite NFL team in their playoff game and it should be another fun time with my dad and lil bro.  Just pray for me that I can shake this mindset for good and let’s have a good year together.  -Primo out CC: @dazingstateofmind

[365days365movies]

March 13, 2021: Ugetsu Monogatari (1953) (Part One)

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society...

Ghost stories are fantastic. They’re an old hallmark of cultures across the world, in our everlasting attempt to understand what happens beyond the grave. Every civilization has their ghost stories, and their ways of telling it. The United Kingdom had Charles Dickens reading his classic A Christmas Carol on stage every Christmas, and that tradition has exploded into essentially a genre of holiday films.

The United States had my personal favorite ghost story written in book form, then adapted into various media. That story, taking bits of European and early colonial folklore, was Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. 

Ohhhhhhh yeah, that’s the good stuff. By the way, I use @adventurelandia​’s GIFs A LOT, and I feel like I never credit them in tags or anything, so, uh...yeah, THANK YOU, you’re a goddamn legend and I wish you the best in your Disney GIF-making endeavors. Check out their pages, they’ve got a lot.

Anyway, we’re talking about Japan in this case, and DEAR SHIT, their “ghost stories” have transcended far beyond that into just being a part of everyday folklore and belief for many people. But today’s movie isn’t just about ghost stories; it’s also about how these stories are told.

Jidaigeki (時代劇) are essentially period dramas, set around the Edo period, before the Meiji Resotration. In other words, we’re talking samurai warriors - with and without masters - roaming the land, kicking ass and taking names. And in the case of this movie, the time of the samurai is about to be overlaid by a more fantastical setting.

Based on a 1776 book by Ueda Akinari, Ugetsu AKA Ugetsu Monogatari AKA Tales of Ugetsu AKA The Tales of the Wave after the Rain Moon AKA Yeah, really, that’s a legit alternate name for this movie AKA How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ghost is a ghost story set within the Edo period, making is a jidageki as well. This’ll be the first jidaigeki I’ve ever seen, but not the last. Goddamn, I can’t wait for Western month.

With that, shall we? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The Criterion Collection logo brings us in, followed by your typical production logos, backed by the most Japanese music I’ve ever heard. That’s backed by that one guy that makes that one Japanese shouting noise, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about, it’s a traditional stage kabuki thing.

We begin proper in a period of civil war, on the shores of Lake Biwa in the Omi Province in the late 1500s. A pottery maker, Genjūrō (Masayuki Mori) is set to leave his wife Miyagi (Kinuyo Tanaka) and their child Genichi (Ichisaburo Sawamura) to sell his wares in a nearby city, Ōmizo. He’s accompanied by Tōbei (Eitaro Ozawa), a dreamer and wannabe samurai who’s getting berated by his wife as he leaves.

While he’s gone, the Village Chief (Ryōsuke Kagawa ) comes to warn Miyagi about a possible attack on the village, and is upset about the fact that he’s left at such a turbulent time in order to seek profit. However, Genjūrō soon returns with a sizeable amount of money for his work, to his and his wife’s delight. They use the money to get food and new clothes, including a kimono for Miyagi. But Miyagi, ever in love with her husband, asks him not to be too greedy in seeking money, thinking of what the chief said.

Tōbei, in contrast, isn’t accepted as a samurai-in-training, and is mocked for lacking a sword and armor (which he doesn’t have the money to buy). He soon stumbles home to his wife, beaten and ashamed. He comes back to work with  Genjūrō, who ignores his wife’s wishes and goes fuckin’ HAM on the pottery. This upsets Miyagi, who claims that the hunger for money has changed her once calm and sweet husband, and turns him bitter and irritable.

However, this is about to stop mattering, as the men of the enemy general Shibata Katsuie has come to the village to take the belongings of the villagers, and to take their men for forced labor. Despite forcing his wife to hep save his pottery, the family escapes, along with Tōbei and his wife, Ohama (Mitsuko Mito). Tōbei is a bit held up, though, as he tries to steal armor from one of the soldiers. Nice.

Genjūrō, despite the ardent objection of his wife, goes back to his still running kiln to obtain more of his pottery. However, the fire’s gone out when he gets there, and he and his wife are forced to hide when the soldiers come to search their house for belongings. Once again, they escae detection from the soldiers, and Genjūrō discovers that his pottery has been fully baked in the process. With the help of Tōbei and Ohama, the group grab the pots and makes it to the shore of Lake Biwa, where they go to escape from Shibata’s army. They steer their boat along the foggy lake.

While rowing, the men speak of their soon to be gotten fortunes in the city But then, they encounter a seemingly abandoned boat, eerily breaking through the mists. It belongs to a Boatsman (Ichirō Amano), who warns them of pirates on the lake, who ambushed him as he was going to sell their wares. They give him water, but he dies immediately after giving his warning.

With this bad omen, the men decide to send their wives and Genichi back to shore, as they continue towards the city to sell the pottery. However, Ohama refuses to stay behind, and only Miyagi and Genichi remain behind on the shore, as the other three continue onwards to the city.

At the market, Genjūrō is indeed successful, as the trio sells all of their wares to passerby. One of these customers is a shrouded woman, Lady Wakasa (Machiko Kyō), attended by a handsmaiden, Ukon (Kikue Mōri). She buys a LOT of wares, and instructs them to bring the pots to a large manor later that day. He agrees, and this definitely won’t result in spooky happenings.

Tōbei, on the other hand, realizes that he can now use his shar of the money to buy armor for himself. While Ohama tries to stop him, he runs off and does just that, buying armor and a spear for himself. Ohama loses him in the crowd, and comes to sit on a beach. There, she’s found by a group of samurai, and...well...samurai aren’t necessarily good people. Afterwards, the broken Ohama rightfully curses her husband for his selfishness.

Genjūrō, successful after the day’s sales, goes to look at a kimono salesman, and daydreams about giving all of these kimonos to his wife. This daydream is interrupted by Ukon, who has come to take Genjūrō to the manor. Said manor is abandoned, run-down, and DEFINITELY NOT HAUNTED AT ALL. Genjūrō, lacks common ghost sense, accompanies them to the creepy-ass manor.

However, not all of the manor appears rundown, as Genjūrō is guided to Lady Wakasa, in an intact portion of the manor. As the sun sets, handmaidens at the manor light candles throughout the manor, suddenly making it brighter and less rundown in appearance. As Genjūrō looks on, Lady Wakasa comes in to give him further praise for his pottery.

Genjūrō is deeply honored by the lady’s praise, as they drink from his cups together. She continues to praise his talent, and tells him that he must deepen and enrich his gift...by marrying her at once. And it’s at this point that Genjūrō starts to realize that something is...off. See, Wakasa’s SUPER fuckin’ into him, and she looks at him with those DEFINITELY-NOT-A-GHOST-LADY-EYES

Genjūrō, absolutely not to his credit, doesn’t say FUCK NO to this, in order not to upset her, even as she literally collapses on top of him. He continues to be attended on by her handmaidens, and she performs a traditional dance for him. The song she sings states:

The finest silk of choicest hue May change and fade away As would my life beloved one If thou wouldst prove untrue Our vow to love for a thousand years Is sealed with this cup.

And then, after that song and dance, the voice of her dead dad starts moaning from a samurai mask in the corner. You know, NORMAL NON SCARY-AS-SHIT SCARY ASS SHIT

Um...halfway point? See you in Part Two!