#christmas is such a beautiful hodgepodge of traditions and meanings and i love it so much

[snowdropheart]

merry christmas to all who celebrate <3 i hope you have a day of warmth and small joys on this strange & silly day

[prodigaldaughteralice]

man, I’ve been feeling really conflicted about Christmas this year.

I went back through my own “happy christmas” tag to try and get myself in the mood, and I found a post all about how a bunch of Christmas traditions come from pre-Christian pagan stuff and it kind of just prodded at the problem and why I’ve been feeling so weird.

Because that post is largely true! A lot of Christmas stuff comes from preexisting pagan traditions, and that’s very important to me; I’m an atheist but I’m also a witch and my own personal hodgepodge of pagan cultural traditions means a lot to me. I find a lot of meaning and connection in that. But!

The cultural presence of Christmas, here in the US for sure and I’ve heard other places too, is overwhelmingly Christian. It’s everywhere. Nativity scenes, baby Jesus ornaments, home decor at the damn dollar store. Carols on the radio, some of them are really more about it being winter and just get called Christmas carols because this culture is deeply obsessed with Christmas as an ever-present Christian holiday, but then there’s also just! Straight up Christian songs! On the radio! Everywhere!

I used to work at a coffee shop chain and I had this manager I hated, mostly because she was shitty at being a manager and would schedule people contrary to their availability and tell them it was their responsibility to find coverage (and then complain about them to anyone present) but the first moment I kinda mentally went “ooh we’re not going to get along” was when I was talking to another barista-- not even knowing the manager was behind me-- about how weird it was that the chain’s radio station had audibly made an effort to have as many different kinds of xmas carols as possible, ones in different languages, gimmicky ones, choral ones, etc, and it honestly just emphasized how they were all Christmas carols? And I wished we could have some non-Christmas songs on the playlist. And the manager audibly scoffed behind me and went “What, you want them to make some up???”

and I’m just like ‘ma’am there are definitely already songs relevant to other winter holidays’

My sister booked us a ride on the Christmas Train which is a cute little hour-and-a-half round trip on a local old steam train that gets dolled up with lights, and there’s hot cider and people sing carols, and I was having a nice time and singing my heart out bc I love excuses to sing until we got to Go Tell It On The Mountain (over the hills and everywhere, go tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born) and I kinda dropped out feeling deeply uncomfortable.

And I celebrate Christmas! I celebrate an atheist’s Christmas which is about family and love and the turning of the year, it’s about gearing up for what’s to come and taking a moment in the dark of winter to make things beautiful. But at the same time when a stranger says “merry Christmas!” to me-- I don’t make it their problem, I just say it back, but internally-- I feel kind of weird and sick and conflicted, like, “does this person assume I’m Christian? That cultural hegemony thinks it has me?”

And I feel guilty about enjoying the parts of Christmas that I do enjoy! I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but the presence of Christmas is so oppressively Christian to so many people of other faiths-- and the specifically Christian parts of it are oppressive to me of no (religious) faith! But is it hypocritical of me to pick Christmas apart and try to keep the parts I like? Is it making me part of that oppression?

(I feel like I should specify a total lack of ill feeling towards people who are Christian for being Christian, it’s just the super oppressive culture of assuming everyone is and trying to press it on those who aren’t that fucks me up. Another ex-coworker of mine sweetly gave us all pamphlets about how we were going to hell for not being members of her church when she left.)

I’m not a lapsed or raised Christian, even-- there’s cultural christianity you can’t really escape growing up here, but my parents are staunch atheists and raised me that way. But we’ve still always celebrated our version of Christmas, and it is my childhood and my tradition. Is it bad that it has this aesthetic and nominal connection to the religious hegemon? The fact that a lot of those traditions originate with earlier pagan stuff doesn’t make them not also associated with Christianity and its stranglehold on our nation, our supposed religious freedom which is being steadily eroded by religious conservatives who cite the damn Bible in their policy opinions.

I made several kinds of cookies, including the Viennese crescents that are a family tradition. I made a regular batch, and a half-batch with alt flour to avoid my mum’s allergies, and she was so thrilled that there were some she could eat that she almost cried and she hasn’t shut up about it since. I cross-stitched my sister and her boyfriend a portrait of their cat with a ST:TNG quote on it. I sent some nice things to my gf I won’t describe here bc she follows me (hi babe if you read this sorry I’m melancholy). We’re going to bring the tree in tonight-- family tradition from my dad’s side, bring the tree in the house only on the eve, decorate it all together-- and my sister will come to visit. Once she’s here, and it’s just about us, it’ll probably be fine.

When we’re inside our house, it’s lovely.

It’s just what’s outside that makes me feel a bit sick.