#christ i need to yap less

[monochromemoomin]

jamie doesn’t like mushrooms :(

[alluvthegurlz]

GORGEOUS //

❝︎ i’m so furious at you for making me feel this way ❞︎

pairing || drew starkey x actress!reader

summary || drew and actress!reader meet for the first time at a party. with the help of some certain, meddling co-stars.

content || alcohol, pining, obx cast meddling, parties, a little suggestive at the end, mentions of alcohol and drinking

yaps-a-lot || ‘gorgeous’ by taylor swift was on repeat so here we are. ending is a little rusty it’s been a while since i’ve written anything so bare with me :)

“just go talk to him.”

“absolutely not,” you protested quickly. madelyn and madison have spent the better part of an hour trying to get you to even look in the direction of their co-star who mingled across the room. none other than drew starkey. “i can’t say anything to his face, are you kidding?”

“why not?” madelyn whispered a little harshly.

“cause look at him!” you motioned a panicked hand in his direction as madelyn scoffed quietly. the roll of her eyes playful but not any less meaningful.

“you guys have been avoiding each other for months,” she reminded. “you can’t keep walking the other way when you run into each other on set.”

“it’s worked for me this long,” the tight lipped smile that followed was enough for madison to finally whine this time.

“c’mon,” mads whined. “you guys would be so good together.”

“says who?”

“everyone!” the two girls practically shouted.

you looked around the party slowly when everyone had looked over at the three of you. ignoring the shocked stares from everyone before you downed the rest of your drink, the liquor burning your throat that had you almost coughing it back up.

“jesus christ, i don��t think the people above us heard that,” you grumbled. “try it louder next time.”

you tried to walk away before madelyn was grabbing your arms and pulling you back. “nooooo, no, no. c’mon. just give him a chance. he’s seriously a good guy, there’s no need for this back and forth between you two.”

“there’s no back and forth between us because there’s nothing between us,” you offered stiffly.

madison had snuck off as madelyn’s pouted lips pouted even more as she held you in place.

“i think we both know that’s not true,” she joked.

you sighed a little heavily, letting yourself look back over at drew across the room. he was barely paying attention to the conversation that was going on between chase and jd, putting in a few words here and there, but he was two busy watching the party around the rim of his cup.

the music drowned into nothing as you watched him. his ocean blue eyes scanning the party like he was looking for something. or someone maybe. you.

it’s like the party froze when he met your eyes. the music muffled by the sound of the blood rushing to your ears, the hitch of your breath suddenly the loudest thing in the room as he sent the smallest of smiles your way. if you were being honest, you actually had no reason to avoid him on set. it was just the nerves really, which was weird for everyone to see cause you rarely got nervous around people. the last time you were nervous around someone was when you had met meryl streep on a red carpet one time. that was the only time anyone had seen you nervous simply because you were too starstruck.

so how in the hell was drew the only other one to get you to act that way?

the only thing that could break your eyes from him, was when they caught sight of madison walking up to him. you watched for a few seconds, watching her explain something before pointing in your direction.

“mm, nope. bye,” the second madison was dragging him over, you were turning around and sneaking away before madelyn could even grab you.

you didn’t stick around to hear what conversation had followed, weaving your way through the bustling party that seemed to get all that more stuffy the second madelyn and mads had started their tirade against you.

maybe it’s because you were freaking out slightly, or it was the alcohol.

the alcohol was the easiest thing to blame. it had worked in any situation before…so why wouldn’t it work in this one? you were definitely too tipsy to be left alone with the one co star everyone in that room was trying to set you up with. two young actors, both single, both incredibly hot, and both avoiding the person right in front of them. typical!

dating had been…hard, so to speak in the past. it was just something you couldn’t seem to enjoy. these days people were only after the idea of sleeping with the actress that everyone loved. they weren’t looking for an actual date that could lead to something. safe to say, the dating life was pretty much nonexistent.

and drew starkey was not going to be the one to break that streak.

another shot later and you were buzzing. maybe a little numb. definitely tipsy. it was hard to tell at that point.

“so, this is what my co-stars do at parties?” a voice sounded from behind you causing you to freeze. “ignore everyone and throw back shots.”

he was teasing, you could tell. you could even hear the slight smirk on his face before you looked over your shoulder slowly.

and sure as shit…drew starkey was behind you.

“it’s, uh —“ you cleared your throat. “helps with the nerves,” a short nod followed from you as the smile on his face grew. “lotta people.”

“people make you nervous?”

no. not at all. he made you nervous.

“sometimes,” you managed the confession through a whisper.

your eyes darted back to the drinks table in front of you, trying to find your next victim before settling on an easy mixed drink.

a quiet chuckle fell from his lips as he leaned against the table beside you, his own cup still resting comfortably in his hands and a hand in his pocket before he watched the party.

“you girls sure know how to throw a party,” he complimented. you, madelyn, and madison had been planning this party for months. one to celebrate the beginning of filming that started a little over two weeks ago.

“that’s all maddie and madison,” you brushed off. “i just supplied the alcohol,” you joked, holding up the liquor bottle to show it off as he looked over before pouring it into your cup.

he laughed again, a genuine one with a duck of his head. your nerves eased a little at the sound, the alcohol running through your system relaxing you even more.

you turned around, leaning back against the table with him as you carefully sipped away at your drink quietly. trying to avoid looking at him at any cost in all honesty.

you should’ve been mad at him. furious even for the way he was making you feel. this…nervous. that wasn’t normal.

god, he was so gorgeous.

the deep breath that escaped you had him curious, looking over at you as you caught it through the corner of your eye. the way his eyes tried to catch yours — it was making this worse. everything was so much easier when you could just ignore him. but the way you hugged your cup carefully to your chest, he couldn’t help but stare at you.

for a man who hadn’t said more than a few words to you, the magnetic field around him was a little too strong, you couldn’t help but be drawn to him. a silent glance towards him, a breath hitching at the back of your throat, every nervous swallow had you on your toes.

anyone else you had talked to with ease. like everyone was an old time friend with whom you were catching up with for the first time in years. he should be taking it as a compliment really that you were talking to everyone there but him.

something snapped you back into reality when he placed a careful hand on your ribs suddenly. reaching over for an unopened bottle of beer behind you. caging you between himself and the table, you were suddenly very aware of…everything.

the smell of his cologne, the t-shirt you wore that was well loved — stretched but not noticeable if you hadn’t been three inches from it — even the faint alcohol smell coming from him. it all grew tenfold when he had reached over you.

“sorry,” he apologized in a whisper you could barely hear.

“‘t’s okay,” you gave a small smile.

you followed as he leaned back once again, popping the bottle open with ease.

it would’ve done better to maybe be more mindful of where your eyes traveled. to respect him a little more like he deserved…but you just couldn’t help it. the way his shirt rode up a little and revealed the waist of his underwear when he ran a hand through his hair…it had you nervous all over again.

you cleared your throat again, taking a sip of your drink. he’d caught your eye for only a second, another smile growing on his face before he hid it behind the neck of his beer bottle when he drank some.

“so, what’s after this?” his question was a curious one, a hand motioning to the party before it scratched at the back of his neck.

you took a deep breath, taking a moment to think about it. the alcohol had hit your system now, the nerves dying down to nothing more than a light tingle. it’s what kept you alive.

“oh, you know…probably just gonna stumble on home to my cats,” the tease fell from your smiling lips with a shrug of your shoulder. your feet carrying you away back into the party and leaving drew alone just like you two had started the night. “unless you wanna come along?”

[emmcfrxst]

I’m wondering how Laura would react if reader and OldMan!Logan got into a fight? Maybe they tried to keep it away from her but unfortunately the girls too much like her father and ends up hearing most of it.

Ugh and imagine if she saw Logan storming off not realizing that he left you in tears…

(I’m feeling extremely angsty tonight.)

TW: MENTIONS OF DEATH, TRAUMA, ILLNESS, UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS & GOD (I guess????) Set before Logan gets, as nonnie put it, chest-fucked, so during the period of time everyone’s trying to escape the fucking Reavers while figuring shit out. It got too long so it’s under the cut

You don’t argue that often with Logan— your relationship is solid and although communication was rocky at first, he’s made significant progress and is able to hold a serious conversation without immediately jumping back into his defense mechanisms (misguided anger, deflection and ultimately fleeing were his initial reactions when you tried establishing proper communication about feelings in the beginning). His progress, however, is rendered completely useless when the conversation is about his rapidly declining health; he’s immediately on the defensive, body going rigid and eyes going dark, jaw clenched so hard you’re afraid he might shatter it— he hates thinking about his newfound mortality, not necessarily because he’s afraid of death (it’s actually quite the opposite, he seeks death in a way, longing for the pain and the nightmares to just stop once and for all) but because he knows that dying means leaving you on your own and that’s something he can’t bear to think about— the guilt he feels at the thought of leaving you is immeasurable; it overwhelms him entirely because he knows that losing him would break you and it makes him feel physically ill to think about the consequences. So in true Logan fashion, he blows you off whenever you bring up your concerns, stating that he’s fine, and the anger he feels at himself and his body for failing him ends up being taken out on you through biting words he regrets as soon as they slip from his tongue.

“I’m the one who’s fuckin’ dying, for Christ’s sake, quit your fuckin’ yapping.” It’s a phrase he regrets uttering for multiple reasons: he hates being rude to you in any way, shape or form because you’re the last person who deserves to be subjected to his emotional constipation— you’ve taken all of his broken parts into your hands and pieced them back together with your unconditional love and unwavering patience, you’ve made him feel loved, you’ve made him feel alive, and most importantly, you’ve shown him that he doesn’t have to feel guilty or bitter about his existence. You’ve done so much for him throughout the years and he fucking hates himself for letting his emotions get the better of him like that. The other thing that bothers him deeply about his reaction is the verbal acknowledgment of his condition; it’s something that he somehow believes can be ignored, as if denying it could make it any less real. Acknowledging that he’s dying makes bile rise up his throat— it’s a bitter feeling, really, because he used to wish for death everyday before he met you, heart and mind torn to shreds from years of horrific abuse and unwavering violence; he even prayed to whatever God was out there, despite not being a believer, to just let him go, to free him of the chains of trauma that bound his psyche. His prayers were left unanswered, Logan only accumulating more trauma as the years went by— he can’t count how many times he’s cursed God for making him go through what he’s gone through, needing someone to blame and wishing for a way to end it all. Ironically, Logan’s immortality only seems to waver once he starts treasuring life; it feels like a stab in the back, a cruel joke orchestrated by God who finally decided to answer his prayers now that he wishes he could take them back. The feeling of betrayal only seems to further fuel Logan’s anger towards his illness, which, combined with the guilt he feels at the thought of leaving you alone, causes him to act out whenever you bring up the subject. You take offense in the words thrown at you, hurt by the reminder of his impending death and the way he navigates it, arguing back that you do this because you care about him, for fuck’s sake. Unfortunately, that only seems to make things worse, upsetting Logan further and bringing back years’ worth of feeling unworthy of your affections.

“That’s your fuckin’ problem bub. I told ya you shouldn’t waste your time with a man like me.” he physically winces as he utters those words, wishing he could unsee the way it makes your entire face crumble with despair— it’s a slap in the face, really, to be brought back to square one and have him reject you in this way. Logan flees before either of you can say anything else, slamming the front door behind him and walking in no particular direction until he feels like he can finally breathe again, leaving you in tears at home. Laura, although playing in her makeshift room at the time, hears the whole exchange as clear as day due to her enhanced senses, her fists clenching with rage when her ears pick up the sound of your stifled sobs. You feel her before you even hear her, your body tensing as a pair of small, skinny arms wrap around your middle, a head resting along your spine. After the initial alarm of feeling someone touching you, you can’t help but let out a watery laugh at just how easy it seemed for her to surprise you, turning around in Laura’s arms so you can look down at her. A frown is etched onto her features, lips puckered into an angry pout as she hugs you tighter, insulting Logan in spanish under her breath. It makes you laugh again, this time softly, your hand smoothing out her hair as you sniffle.

“I’m okay, Laura. I’m okay.” she glares up at you, unconvinced, giving you another squeeze and reluctantly allowing her features to relax when you gently run a fingertip across the furrow of her brows— despite not being together for long, you find that you’re able to soothe Laura quite easily; there is a connection between the two of you like you’ve never felt before, a bond that you feel like you were always destined to have. Your heart warms at the obvious way the child seems to care for you, wanting nothing more than to make all of her worries disappear.

“He made you cry.” her voice is so quiet that you almost miss it, a soft, indignant noise leaving her at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks. You sniffle again, free hand moving up to wipe at your eyes, the other caressing her hair lovingly.

“I know.” you don’t say that it’s okay because it’s not— Logan crossed a line that you thought had been worn down ages ago, and you’ll be damned before you ever teach Laura that hurtful words can be brushed aside so easily without an apology. It’s for her as much as for you; you’re aware that you deserve respect even when Logan is upset, and you’re not about to stomp down on your self-worth to coddle him when he’s done something wrong. He’ll apologize, you’re sure of it, but until that happens, you’re not going to pretend that his reaction was acceptable. It’s something you categorically refuse to do, and it’s one of the many reasons Logan fell in love with you in the first place. You know your worth.

“I’ll be okay soon.” you tell her honestly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the top of her head. She studies you for a moment longer before nodding her head, allowing you to lead her onto the couch where she curls up next to you.

You’re asleep by the time Logan starts walking back towards the house but Laura hears the crunching of sand and gravel under his shoes, quietly untangling herself from you and moving to the side of the door, frown back on her features. Logan barely has the time to pass the threshold before she’s on him, jumping onto his back like a feral animal and punching his shoulders repeatedly, growling when he grabs her and holds her still, visibly confused and irritated by her behavior.

“Don’t even think about it.” he warns her when she makes to bite the hand that holds her down, frowning down at her just as hard she does up to him. She struggles in his hold, trying to hit him again, making him grunt in pain.

“You made her cry, coño.” the words make Logan freeze in his tracks, eyes falling on your sleeping form on the couch, noting the way your eyes look reddened and the tear tracks on your cheeks. Nausea immediately strikes him like lightning, the expression on his face seeming to satisfy Laura as she stops struggling, frown still evident on her face. She sits up and watches silently once he lets her go, staying nearby to see the situation unfold.

You awake to a calloused hand gently running over the plane of your cheekbone, eyes opening to meet Logan’s remorseful ones. He’s sitting on the ground next to the couch, looming over you in a way that makes you feel safe like no one else ever could.

“Hey.” his voice is hoarse but soft, thumb swiping back and forth over your skin in a silent act of comfort. It makes you smile despite your grogginess, and you feel more than you hear Logan releasing a soft, relieved inhale through his nose.

“Hey.” you answer him just as softly, leaning into his touch and closing your eyes again, content to feel him again.

“I’m sorry.” the words sound heavy coming out of his mouth, a grim expression taking over his features as he wipes off the remnants of your earlier tears.

“I know.” you reply simply, turning your head to press a gentle kiss against the roughened palm of his hand. It makes him exhale shakily, shoulders squaring as he prepares himself for the discomfort of the following words.

“Didn’t mean to snap at you, baby. I just… I feel helpless, I guess, and it fuckin’ pisses me off. Never had to worry about dying and leaving you alone before.” he says the words slowly, trying to make the last sentence sound like a joke, tone falling flat. You can tell he’s uncomfortable with the discussion but he pushes through, causing you to feel a rush of sympathy— he’s trying, you know he’s trying, and that means something to you.

“I know. I feel helpless, too. But you have to remember that you’re not alone. Not anymore. And I’m not going anywhere. No matter what happens, it’s you and me until the end.” he laughs wetly at your words, nodding his head and swallowing thickly before speaking again.

“I know.” this time it’s his turn to provide reassurance, the two little words more than enough for the both of you. The feeling of his warm lips connecting with your forehead makes your eyes flutter shut, hand coming up to lay over the one he’s curled around the back of your neck.

“Kid’s kicked my ass for making you cry.” he mumbles against your skin, the amusement in his voice clear. It makes you snort in surprise, unaware that Laura had intervened before you woke up.

“Did she? Well, you kinda deserved it.” your answer is playful, tone devoid of its previous heaviness, your eyes meeting Laura’s over Logan’s shoulder for a brief moment before focusing on your lover once again.

“That I did.” he agrees simply, a soft, tender, apologetic smile on his face. You lean further into him when he kisses your nose, heart feeling lighter than it had in a while.

You were going to be okay.

[luvvrz]

The Odyssey Fucks Hard [Poolverine, 18+]

AKA: how the movie woulda went if I was at the table

Additional tags: ermmmm very gay 🤭 pain kink most def, lacks foreplay just right into the nasty, also a slight bit of degradation but not much

OTHER WORKS

He's fucking grinning. Logan doesn't know why, there's blood in his teeth and a blade in his fucking abdomen, but he's grinning. Maybe he likes it when prey fights back? Or, better yet, maybe he likes it when someone can keep up.

Wade's still talking - when is he fucking not? You'd think in some bad ass fight scene like this one, the motherfucker would attempt to indulge. You know, less yapping and more punching. Then again, the man wouldn't be able to shut his goddamn mouth if it literally sewn shut. Sources? I won't elaborate.

Nonetheless, Logan's on top of him, and he's got a set of claws tucked neatly into his side. Wade arches up with a hiss, and they're pressed together, and *Christ*, the man's all muscle. Surely it's to be expected, but Logan doesn't enjoy using his brain often. It's not that he's stupid, he just... doesn't care enough to think. Neither does Wade, clearly, his next strained words a testament to that.

"No cup? I mean, you're prehistoric, so I know there's probably not a lot of swimmers left, but it's the principle, you know?"

Logan growls, fangs bared as his other hand swipes up to promptly wrap around the other's throat. He squeezes with a vegence, eyes narrowed and face twisted up in a bitter fury.

"Shut the fuck up. You haven't shut your mouth for one goddamn second since you showed up."

This prompts Wade to smirk, a sight hidden beneath the mask, but the way the eyes of it crinkle up is more than enough proof. Logan hates him. Logan doesn't think he could possibly hate anyone- or anything, more.

"Ooh, fiesty. Watch it, Wolvie, I'm into degradation. At least take me to dinner, first."

Logan snarls, grabbing a fistful of Wade's mask to yank his head to the side, slamming it into the nearest window. The man groans, a sound that Logan all-too happily chooses to relish in. They're still pressed together, chest to chest and hip to hip, and- holy fuck, is he genuinely twitching beneath me?

The anger on his face gives way to shock, if only for a moment, before that ever-present scowl is returning with a vengeance. Alas, he is a man, a man who is in constant denial of enjoying things simply because he doesn't believe he deserves it. Still, that doesn't stop his own dick from twitching weakly in interest, making Wade's head shoot up.

God dammit, he could practically hear the amusement in his voice.

"Is that a claw, or are you just happy to see me?"

He doesn't even have time to finish his sentence before Logan's claws are embedding themselves deeper into his side, as much of a promise as it is a warning. Wade's head falls back with a throaty groan. He is getting off to this, the kinky son of a bitch.

Still, no one addressed the elephant in the room, both figuratively and literally. Sure, it's been brought up, but the real question is, what is going to be done about it?

Wade's still talking a mile a minute, and Logan's sanity is slipping through his fingers.

"Calm down, baby girl, no need to blow a fuse. Sex is a perfectly normal thing that happens when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, there's nothing to be ashamed about-"

You'd think a man that was almost 200 wouldn't have the kind of speed Logan does, but then again, Logan is not your average man. He's ripping Wade's mask up with a quickness even light itself would envy, meeting his lips in something of a kiss. Sure, it's all teeth and tongue, and he's growling like a pissed off bitch in heat, but... it's a kiss, as far as Wade's concerned!

As far as Logan's thought process goes, though, he just wanted quiet in the peanut gallery.

For the first time in this history of Marvel Universe, Wade Wilson is quiet. The air itself is silent, waiting on a baited breath to see what happens next - only broken by Logan's growling.

Logan doesn't break the kiss, not even as he begins to undress the man beneath him. The Wolverine is a man of many things, but patience is not a virtue he possesses, nor particularly cares for. A single claw extends to cut Wade's suit off him, resulting in a whine of pure despair.

"Hey, I was fondled like a French girl for that goddamn suit! Careful with the merchandise."

Logan cuts off his yapping with a particularly rough nip to the lip, sending the welcome taste of copper spreading over his parched tongue. The claws are on his own suit now, and for a moment, he's tempted to look for the zipper just to spite the other - but then again, his dick's throbbing and he'd honestly rather skip the formalities.

Unceremoniously, the suit is cut away, and soon enough, the pair are pressed closer together than pussy lips in a g-string. Wade's scars extend far below the collar, Logan's come to realize, and he retracts his claws only to temporarily ghost his fingertips along the divets in his skin. The gentleness doesn't last for long, though - as soon as he finds the hem of Wade's boxers, those, too, are being torn away.

Wade fucking giggles, twirling a strand of non existent hair as his other hand comes to cover his dick - not that it mattered much. If Wade Wilson had anything to be proud of, it was his fucking cock. His hand didn't leave much to the imagination.

"Careful, shnookums, I'm shy."

Now, a better man would've maybe indulged in some foreplay, maybe even prep. But Wade's a big boy, he can take it. Plus, maybe the stretch will give that mouth something else to focus on besides being the most insufferable being on the planet.

And so, Logan rather unceremoniously spits into his palm, before stroking himself. One pump, two pump, three, before he's deemed himself ready. He knocks Wade's hand away, before thinking better of it, and uses his own free hand to grab both his wrists and pin them above his head. The resulting smirk is instantaneous, and Logan can fucking see the gears in his head turning, preparing for another snippy remark.

Logan decides that he simply won't give him the chance.

His hips are pushing forward, brutal and impatient, and the initial stretch has them both gasping like a fish out of water. His grip on Wade's wrists tighten, bushy eyebrows furrowing as his mouth parts in a silent groan. His eyes flutter closed as he tries to focus on anything other than how freakishly tight Wade's ass is.

And Wade, he isn't much better off. If Deadpool is anything, it's a goddamn pain slut, and the sudden burn has stars exploding behind scarred eyelids. It's a strained grunt, more akin to a whimper, and his cock jumps angrily against his belly.

For once, the Merc with a Mouth has nothing to say - and not because he didn't want to, but because he can't.

There's something triumphant in Logan's eyes at that, a selfish sort of victory. A cruel, condescending smirk as he leans closer, tilting his head minutely. The pace he's settled into, it's rough, punishing, and Wade's brain simply isn't working as quickly as his mouth. The man's attempting to babble, but all he can muster is a few broken whines, and a guttural 'Jesus fucking Christ.'

"If I knew that cock was all it took to get that fuckin' mouth o' yers' quiet, I would've stuffed this fuckin' hole hours ago."

The Odssey fucks hard, Wade reckons, but Wolverine fucks harder.

[play-rough]

Headcanon so specific and yet so likely to be actively contradicted it’s more of a theory waiting to be confirmed or rebuked-

So I’ve yapped in the past about Chuuya and Kunikida’s different caregiving styles, I thought today while I was walking through a field about how they’d transport Dazai around when he’s too small to walk. Chuuya would definitely be happy to just carry him everywhere because that’s where the baby prefers to be, and unless they’re out for hours I don’t see him thinking it’s unreasonable to just carry him everywhere-

But that’s not very practical, so Kunikida wouldn’t do that. His main choice of transportation is a stroller- a forward facing or reversible one (so Dazai can see him at all times 😢) and while Mackerel complains, he doesn’t kick too much of a fuss about it because Kida’s preferred mode of Dazai-transport is a baby sling (supports and holds the thighs up so the feet don’t dangle too far down-) that he bought because he thought it would be an easy solution to the impracticality of carrying Mackerel everywhere- but Dazai hates it because, and this is a hc I hold quite dear to my heart, now that he has older brothers he looks up to- Dazai is very particular about certain things that make him seem ‘Too Little’. From his line of logic, being carried everywhere is fine, but a baby sling is far too babyish. Having a crib is just about acceptable, and sleeping in Kunikida’s room is the goal (he’s so mean for rarely making any exceptions) but having his crib in the same room as his caregiver is outrageous! Only REALLY little babies have their crib in the same room as their caregiver!

And yeah, if you get Dazai while he’s sleepy enough and tiny enough, he’ll actually love the sling, but he’d never let it happen otherwise, so pram he goes.

Christ this is a long one. All that just to say grumpy Dazai in his pushchair.

-🍓

I hope it’s ok if I put these two-in-one because even though Chuuya bought the stroller, he does just prefer to carry babyzai. Stroller was kind of thrown in relatively last minute because I think it would be useful in future fics for other ideas (i have a vision of babyzai at the aquarium getting pushed around) and even though Chuuya technically bought the stroller, I really like and agree with ur message andnskdjdjks I’m so here for Dazai trying to be older now that there’s older kids to play with, he does already associate older littles with being less needy. It’s not that Dazai dislikes these things, but he knows it makes him take up more time and he knows it’s more intense care than the other two receive, makes the poor baby really self conscious

I think because Chuuya knows Dazai on that deep level he knows that baby is just always going to be most comfortable being held, easiest way to keep him happy. They really only do the stroller if they’re going on an all day outing like the aquarium or for a walk in the park maybe. For smaller events, Chuuya will probably just use it as a car seat but leave the stroller folded in the car. Dazai causes the least amount of fuss about just being carried, so that’s usually Chuuya’s go-to.

Kunikida would love the stroller and baby sling (and while Dazai would be fond of neither, I agree he would probably prefer stroller to sling). Kunikida likes keeping the baby close, and having his hands free for whatever he needs. Kuni is usually also watching more than one little, so it’s great for multitasking. While he probably puts up a fuss going in to the sling, Dazai usually settles down in it after a bit. In the baby’s eyes, the stroller probably does seem a bit more independent, and Dazai can snuggle down in his blankie if he needs a break or if the outside world is too stimulating (leading to less trips home early due to overwhelmed babies)

[bonnieura]

every time i hear a freaky grandma nitpick JFK's weight after 1960 an angel loses its wings and god kills a kitten. I cant ever understand why they [american public] are so fixated with his appearance and especially his weight. It just screams fatphobia. literally no one is dying if he gained a few pounds . its not ww3. The way its said is always just so condescending and backhanded? putting his early life his illnesses his medications and his plenty near-death experiences into consideration i am damn glad he managed to be even if only a little, HEALTHY . something he literally never got the chance to say about himself

you can say that it's a given considering his whole campaign strategy was built around his *youth* and looks in general but that does not take away from the RUTHLESSNESS i see from people when his weight is the subject of matter. and thats from today in *2024* like jesus christ imagine how it was in the 60s 😭

you can say that the "reason he put on weight" (as if it even needs a reason, he wasnt overweight or anything at all) was to look less boyish and more like formidable or something for the elections. he already had to deal with criticism on being too young for the presidency. And all of that isnt something to be ashamed or remorseful of at all either?? I genuinely dont get why so many to this day just outright degrade him for it. as if a middle aged man not being borderline underweight is satan's incarnate.

speaking of underweight, he was the aforementioned for YEARS during his service in the senate and the house. having just returned from ww2 with near fatal injuries he was clearly ill and malnourished. And yet i still see people romanticize it as if its something commendable. You can commend him pulling through and getting his health together even if just barely, not whatever people glorify of his illness

If you read a little back you can see i mentioned his early life. well yeah thats cause his parents single handedly almost gave him and his siblings [tw] || eating disorders || [unfortunately i wouldnt be surprised if he had one] from disturbingly young ages . Im certain that it did a number on him and stuck to some degree. So I am damn glad he was able to break out of it [or at least look like he did , i cant tell you whether he did manage to break out or not considering he was hypervigilant on his appearance till the day he hit the grave atp

plus im pretty sure some of his medicine consisted of cortisone [known for puffing up the face and leading the patient to gain weight]. I hate how hyperfixated people are with his weight and body. yeah no damn wonder he was so worried 24/7 and love or hate the man literally no one should have to go through that. theres so much more i wanna say rn but im tired of yapping

[lotusarchon]

I spend my night sleeping in a car and woke up at 4 am because a bitch is annoying as fucking hell. Do I have to change my name, or do you people just have a kink in which you enjoy torturing me??

Sighs. Again, there is ANOTHER fucking account pretending to be me and celebrating my friend's (hopefully not) suicide.

I would like to clarify, this is not the same person, Mariin who had been harassing me for the past year. My friend helped me to get her the punishment she damn well needed, and as far as we know, she's been under house arrest and has been without technology and will remain as such for a long, long time. The person that made an account to harass my friend Hongtao, I believe had also been dealt with the authorities, so I genuinely have no idea what the fuck, nor who the fuck this person is right now. I have no idea if their personal problem is with my friend, or if they just dislike me to the point of thinking this is funny, or just desperately trying to be the next Mariin.

I really, don't know. And I also don't think I've pissed off anyone else like I did with Mariin. Hell, most of my relationships have become estranged if not borderline on the verge of stopping the friendship entirely so I really. Do not know what the fuck is going on right now.

Honestly I'm just. It's 4 am, I'm buttfuck exhausted and sore from sleeping in a car in a creepy ass place and dear god this is utter insanity. Genuinely how much free time must you have to stalk someone to this extent? Where are you finding the energy to do this? HOW are you finding the energy to do this???

Please, again: do not engage with the account. I want to believe it's for clout again because it's not harassing anyone aside from posing to be me.

Edit: No, yeah, they are harassing my friend Ax and constantly keep reblogging Pome's post Jesus.

Also to the morons in my anons who keep yapping I'm a "horrible" friend, I genuinely feel like I should point out something to you.

1) I am a petty person, and yes, I'm not denying I don't have my own problems. What started Mariin's incident was because of my own shitty behavior, and I'm not immature to deny it. That being said, why the fuck would I make an account to celebrate an online human being's death?

2) Hypothetical scenario, right? But let's say someone actually managed to piss me off to the point I'd create an entire account to shit on them; why the fuck would I willingly attempt to link it to my original account? I assume you people have not been taught much about cyberbullying but I feel like you ought to know that unless you're particularly hardheaded, you do not link an account you're being a dick on to one you commonly use/more popular in. Which, I feel like this should be common knowledge but wow, there's a lot of people genuinely believing I'm actually celebrating my own friend's death.

3) Old or new, I've always treasured my friendships especially with those online. My friendships are very important to me, and I've gotten upset numerous times over them. If you've been around my account for a while, how can you not know Pome's been my closest friend since we met last year? Even if you don't know who I am, what even gives you the idea I'd ever do that to anyone, EVER, most less for someone I genuinely fucking care about. For fuck's sake I'm still bawling over a friendship that ended in December, the hell man.

4) And stay with me here, but do you genuinely think for a second I'm so chronically online? My life is jackshit as it is, why in god's green earth would I waste my time making an account to celebrate someone's fucking death? Even just in fucking general, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? WHO THE HELL THINKS TELLING SOMEONE THIS SHIT IS REMOTELY FUNNY?

Also I just. I'm tired of this nonsense. So tired, grown ass adults trying to act like highschool bullies is...Jesus Christ.

You know the drill. I'm deadass so embarrassed at this point to be making this but ...yeah. Please do not engage with that account, EVERYONE. It's incredibly creepy to have to check and see people sending it anons. Don't interact with it, don't engage with it, and if it follows you; block. Just block them, and report them, and pray to God Tumblr works fast enough to get rid of them.

-“- bad attempt at being me too....kaomojis, again? Ew. Also, you would not catch me dead using a profile picture from Oshi-No-Ko of all things.

I should be angry but I am just flabbergasted. I'm clinging to the false hope my friend isn't dead, and I'm tired so maybe that's why I just find this entire situation hilarious rather than be angry. Well, aside from my poor name being used like this. Is Usagii really a name in the child corn industry...? 🙁

[judging-will-wood-confessions]

I don't think people talk about or listen to 'Becoming the Lastnames' enough. When I first properly listened to ICIMI, I was never told about this masterpiece nor have I even heard of it. 'Wow, it has amazing instrumentals,' I thought. 'This song is great already.'

Don't get me wrong, it's anything but a bad song. I just thought it'd be good in the overall vibes or the message, nothing more, nothing less. But looking at Against the Kitchen Floor, Euthanasia, many of the other songs in this album— we know where this is going.

At the line 'Imagine me, just like my parents... Yeah right!' I was already sobbing. I know the song had a different interpretation in mind when Will made it, but from my first listen and my very personalized interpretations, it hit way too deep. It felt like this song was narrating me as a camera looked through the other side of the mirror. I did not expect it to be so emotional, nor so personal. It felt like a sucker punch!

Fortunately, I'm a musical masochist.

TLDR: 'Becoming the Lastnames' is too underrated. I love it. It made me cry uncontrollably. You should listen to it.

Also sorry for the whole essay! Jesus Christ, I just wanted to yap about how good this song is!

Music Masochist is a phrase I never thought I'd hear

[lpsgirl109]

Start yapping about your lastest hyperfixaction Queen‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊

and ANOTHER thing about sm:mm is the way Phin and Miles's conflict is treated as a black and white situation, where there can only be one in the right and one in the wrong. There is no middle ground, which is bullshit because there absolutely should be a middle ground.

The arguments in defense of Miles is that Phin is a hypocrite and a heartless asshole. She certainly must not care about Miles at all to be doing what she's doing and not even tell him Rick died. She has no right to be upset at him, she's just being whiny. To that I say: If my friend said he wanted to help my cause and then I find out he just wanted to get information out of me, I'd be pissed the fuck off. From her perspective, it probably seems like Miles wasnt even planning on helping her, he just wanted to spy on the Underground. Yes she's being hypocritical acting like he's so horrible for keeping secrets when she was doing the same thing. However, and I am looking at this from a narrative standpoint, her acting that way isn't a problem. The problem is this never gets called out, not by Miles or really the narrative itself. It's sort of a pattern that the story gives Phin character flaws that never get challenged. Also, and know that I understand why Miles did what he did, but I'm sure there were several other ways to stop Phin than going behind her back. Aaron literally phrases it as "using her" for christ's sake. Again, from Phin's perspective, it's understandable that she'd assume he lied about wanting to help her. She has every right to be upset about that, and her keeping secrets from him doesn't negate that. Also just throwing this out there that Phin has no obligation to tell Miles or anyone that Rick is dead. That's really only her business and I don't know why people act like Miles has a right to know and she's awful for not telling him. I'd get it if Rick and Miles were really close but we're never really shown that in the game. Have you considered, she didn't tell Miles about Rick's death or ask him to help her straight up because it could potentially put his life in danger?

The arguments in defense of Phin is that Miles made no effort to hear her out, he should've jumped on board the second he found out what Roxxon was up to, and he's an awful friend for not supporting Phin. To that I say: I don't think I need to explain while Miles absolutely should not have tried to join her. The Underground is a terrorist group, as much as I hate that they are a terrorist group, they are a terrorist group. They are attacking FEAST trucks and hacking aircrafts to shoot at the city and are only working for Phin because she's supplying them with weapons. In no world would Miles ever work with these people. This would be more understandable if the Underground's only goal was taking down Roxxon like I rewrite them as, but this is blatantly not the case in the game. It doesn't matter how correct Phin's motives are, her team attacks innocent people just for shits and giggles. This is not something Miles would ever in a million years be apart of. It's also worth noting that he absolutely wanted to help her stop Roxxon?? Just not in the way she was going about it, which. Valid. Her team is getting into shoot outs in the streets and their plan involves blowing up a fucking building. He wants to stop Roxxon, just in a way that'll involve a lot less people dying

The correct answer: they both fucked up. They both hid things from each other. Miles lied to her to get info from the Underground, Phin treated Miles kinda unfairly for it. Neither of them handled this correctly. Let's all hold hands now

[shelterdogswag]

let the festivities commence

aka the intro post

be warned this is a long ass post !!! it's not like essential but also like it has info that may be pertinent to you so it's up to you if you wanna read it or not, and not reading it is fine, even if you don't tho i'm going to refer you to it if you ask me something that's in here. ok that being said, let's hop right in, shall we?

table of contents

things about me as a human person

things about this particular blog

things about you ? potentially ?

closing thoughts

section one: things about me as a human person

hi ! as of the time that i am writing this post, i go by "leech" or "krea," and my pronouns of choice are most often he/she/it. leech is my semi-preferred name rn, but also i have like one friend who doesn't condone me naming myself things that contribute to my low self esteem, so he calls me krea, which is incredibly real and valid of him, and you are free to do the same if you would like. as for pronouns, i really don't care a ton about those most of the time, although i will say i don't like they/them for myself. that's not a to say that those pronouns are bad or anything, just not my vibe personally.

i am an adult human being. i'm not very experienced at being one of those, i've been at it for less time than i was in highschool, but still. i know some folks (mostly minors) don't feel comfortable around 18+ people, that's fair and incredibly respectable and i applaud that. if you're not comfy with talking to adults, good on you, but that's does mean for your sake please don't talk to me. with that, you have my full blessing to block me. i say that not out of spite, just like letting you know i won't be offended or anything. you don't need my permission of course, but i was once an anxious teenager, so i know having it helps sometimes.

i am not the most skilled in explaining myself when it comes to the groups that i'm a part of or like spaces i belong to or identities i have or whatever, but i'm gonna try anyhow. i'm a lesbian, trans, aroace, and overall queer. i am white, and middle class by proxy (living with family). i am disabled in a plethora of ways that vary in severity for me; they're also ways that vary in level of stigma, from what i gather. i'm from florida. i'm currently trying to figure out religious or even philosophical stuff; i myself lean heavy towards folk practices and also catholicism, but it changes a lot so as of right now i'm not conclusively anything. i try to be radical in like an anarchistic librarian punk adjacent kind of way, but i don't know a ton about anything so i mostly try to learn from other folks who actually have an understanding of stuff. i don't know how much any of that matters, but honesty is my big virtue so i am trying to be transparent in like a reasonable way.

in terms of things i like or that make me happy or whatever, god there is so much shit i could list, but most of it isn't stuff i actively engage in, as much as i would like it to be. as far as participation goes, i like music (folk mostly, especially of the anti/punk/rock flavors, but other shit too), think-piece-y youtube video essays (cj the x, savannah brown, and mia cole, those are my big three rn), exactly one queer horror podcast (hello from the hallowoods), and creating things myself (my main mediums rn are notes app poetry, songs, and the occasional doodle). i have other interests tho, like a lot of them, i just have been in such a slump of doing literally nothing all day that it feels like lying to mention them.

jesus christ who let me yap like that ??? here let's have a break and split a sandwich before we move on.

we good ? nourished ? refreshed ? all snacked up and ready to go ? cool let's fucking go.

section two: things about this particular blog

functionally, this blog is going to be a dumping ground, a heart that's full up like a landfill, as the kids say. i am just going to be having a fun silly time, i am not gonna be super targeted in what i post or with what i reblog. this does mean i might get very swingy with tone on here. i am prone to talking about and reblogging politics and my opinions on them, sex and kink and all that, media with a reckless abandon and not a care for spoilers, health and illness related topics of all kinds,and many other things that i cannot possibly foresee right now. if you are not a fan of such things, that is perfectly fine ! and i would urge you to not interact with me on here, because i am notoriously bad at tagging things effectively. your boundaries are good and valid and simultaneously i cannot be the one who upholds them a hundred percent of the time. i don't want to trigger anyone, but i can't reliably prevent that on my end, so peruse my stuff with caution.

ok that part was pretty quick, actually ! hell yeah ! but here have a beverage before we move on, i don't want to wear you out too bad lol.

yes i prefer pepsi over coke, yes i'm southern, we exist. let's get goin' now.

section three: things about you ? potentially ?

i don't particularly do dni lists- i frankly will just block people if they're super shitty and if not then like i'm sure it's fine- so this is a "omg you share common bits !!! let us befriend :)" list if anything.

we may be more likely to enjoy each other if you:

are a fan of subcultures relating to music, particularly folkpunk and (loosely) riot grrrl but any punk-y stuff bangs

care very deeply about causes and people and such; i'm no expert on any of them but i think having the willingness to learn and the care for people says a lot

enjoy consuming media that's odd or niche or otherwise unusual, i really love finding community around the unconventional

have a passion for the artistic, creative, or expressive

are filled with a simultaneous whimsical childlike wonder and haunted lingering sense of doom

are kind to small creatures oft overlooked (my favorites are rats and voles and shrews)

occasionally take walks and realize that life is worth living, only to forget it the next day

get a kick out of surrealist girlblogger instagram meme accounts and zodiac moodboards and mbti aesthetic posts even tho you are skeptical

that's by no means comprehensive, just a sampling to go off of :) now we can get to the final section! you've almost made it, we got this!

section four: closing thoughts

to recap, i am just gonna kinda be going ham on this blog and i want it to be fun and good for my brain, should such a thing be possible. that being said i also want it to be that way for you! so feel free to engage as little or as much as you would feel better with. i pinky swear it's ok.

i think that just about wraps it up! thank you for reading this far, here have a gold star sticker of appreciation <3

[blackberry-command-cap]

intro (as of October 2024) :||

Pertinent information about me:

Call me Blackberry <3

She/her and a LEGAL ADULT as of this month 🧀🧀

Improving from what is probably burnout and also mild depression

I doodle a lot. Sometimes I draw comics. I don't do fancy art or writing bc it takes too much patience. I take a lot of screenshots of my SWTOR babies :D besides that I'm just around

That one screechy death ginger who got 4 minutes of screen time in The Force Awakens? I deeply relate to him (tag)

I have a few OCs which are more memes than actual characters but oh well (character page)

I'm Christian and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Posts related to that are tagged #spiritual stuff or #church stuff

I like to talk about my interests but don't want to bore ppl so if you want to hear more about something interactions and asks are always welcome! (plz talk to me)

Less pertinent information about me:

I like to play D&D and Mario Kart

I read a ridiculous amount when I was younger and have a complicated relationship with a number of YA series, including Divergent and (sigh) Twilight which I am happy to yap about if prompted

Mumbo Jumbo is my spirit animal (though I haven't watched him in years)

I am an ambiverted ENTP-T with the Rebel tendency (from the Four Tendencies framework, highly recommend but BOY does it stink to be a Rebel)

My brain does math really well but it sucks at writing (also social stuff. not really a good deal tbh I want my money back)

I like suits and I hate wearing skirts

my ideal sleep schedule is roughly 8 pm to 4 am - we're trying to get there but it's hard

Tagging is pretty disorganized but I try :/

Me talking: #bb thoughts, #bb thinkings, #bb complains etc.

#tobbhibsw - non-star wars tag, stands for "turns out blackberry has interests besides star wars"

#i need a hux tag - the man himself 🤭🤭 I can't asd;fkjasldfj\

#oc: worst sith ever (+anxiety) - my current favorite SWTOR blorbo <3

other Character tags are on my character page

Self explanatory: #my doodles, #real life stuff, #unprompted sw thoughts, #unprompted swtor thoughts, #fun stuff

#church stuff - posts related to my church's (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) culture or doctrine, or generally organized religion

#spiritual stuff - posts not specifically about organized religion but still religious in nature, referencing God etc.

Reblog tags

#cool art 👍🏼 - art that strikes me or has a particularly good vibe (because it's pretty)

#analysis and lore - any post where someone has typed out their thoughts, headcanons, explanations, whatever in a big block of text

#crack/memes (don't worry abt it) - memes, text posts, s***posts, etc.

[urethrafun1]

Intro because I need to make people aware of my interests NOW

Only DNI is people who draw trans boys with super hyperfeminine traits. I’ll block you if I find out you’re a weirdo so interact if you want and I’ll just have one less creep to worry about

My name is Scott and I am a boy a bbooooy and I kiss booooyyyyss (one boy) also my pronouns are HE/HIM ONLY

I like to draw and listen to music (shocker) + listening to & watching Chris Chan: A Comprehensive History

I LOVE RANFREN!!!! (Sorry to let you guys down..) I’ve made myself quite a few Ranfren themed things so just ask about them if you want me to show :3 (Actually, one dni. Sebastian and Randal shippers and Ivorycest shippers. Don’t think you’re safe because I like Ranfren too.)

I LOVE Christory (Liquid Chris, Alec Benson Leery/Asperchu, and Clyde Cash are my top 3 trolls [In that order]) and if you ask me about it I could yap for hours.

I LOVE SCOTT PILGRIM!!!! I’ve read all the books seen the movie and watched the show and I have figures (the minifigures too) and played the game Jesus Christ I’m a super fan

I like Cry of Fear. (stolen from my sweet boyfriend) I’ve played it 3 times but when I moved computers I lost all my data lol so now I’m on first run.

I like Postal. (Also stolen from him. He is a super fan and I love it sm hehe) I’ve played half of Postal, all of Postal 2 and Paradise Lost, about a quarter of Postal 4 so far lol.

I LOVE Splatoon+Splatbands. (Favorites are Disspair and Squid Squad. [I can’t fucking handle overfeminized Warabi with big hips and boobs sorry but…not. At all. Get off my page if you’re one of those bitches because I WILL be mean lol.]) I haven’t posted Ikkan and Warabi in a while but I’ll try to ASAP. Or I can just make a separate blog for Splatoon stuff if you guys want. I’ve played both Splat2 and Splat3’s story modes and online battles. (Including Octo expansion)

I LOVE 12RODS. (Favorite song is Red and my favorite album is Bliss) Funfact I was in top 0.005 last year.

I liVE Madoka Magica. I’ve only watched the series so far but I’m binging the movies. I have…..a self insert but that’s dumb.

I LOVE angels but I’m not gonna yap too much about that.

-You can commission me ig if you like my artstyle but I won’t charge you (examples of art below)

-Questions r always open

-Sorry for edgy posts in advance

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Fucking up my diet but I refuse to let it be unfixable

Meal planning yap

So if I want my calorie budget back on track then I have to have 270 cals a day and burn 775 cals a day for 4 days

So by next Monday I'll be able to eat 600 cals a day again. Jesus christ I fucked up so hard today it's stupid. I'll have to sleep like, A LOT over the weekend and somehow avoid food like the actual plague

I really am going to try to stick to a high res diet, I'm gonna start working out in the mornings too. I need to realize that trying to make things easier for myself just makes shit harder in the future

I swear to god I WILL be 105 lbs by new years, I will have a bmi of 16, I can be less than 105 lbs, I can lose over 10 lbs this month. I will stick to my goals. I will be kind to my future self. I will not do things to spite myself. I will care about my outer appearance. I will care for myself. I will respect myself enough to follow my own rules.

[nathank77]

11/6/24

1:50 p.m

My mother is being a royal bitch again. Her aid came. The dog barked and whines the whole time like crazy pushing her cage all over the kitchen. She drives me fucking crazy. And then my mother is stressed dealing with her stoma and displaces all her anger at me the scape goat. Things would be a lot more peaceful if we didn't have a dog barking and whining nonstop don't you think?

I just thought Katie was unlucky. She said when her mother and father quit drinking, not a lot about them changed. I believed her but as my mother quit drinking, I thought she was completely different. And for Katie it must just have been her parents and who they are as people.

Well over a month of her being sober and her being home for at least 2 weeks and yea Katie is right. She didn't change much. She doesn't repeat herself as much. She isn't as happy as she once was when she was chemically altered... but she's the same.

She made a comment about no one taking out the trash. When she made the decision to keep Riley i dropped all responsibilities. And I mean all of them. All of them.

So I said to her, "you want to know what id do if Riley left, I'd take out the trash so long as you held the top open. And I'd do"

Then she started screaming, shut up, shut up, stop talking and she was slamming her hands on the table over and over again. I mean a fucking melt down and I was talking, not yelling....

She's basically the same. Just doesn't have much of an excuse for being a cunt this time.

I'm aggravated cause she just blames me for everything but yea your stoma must be awful. I can only imagine especially with a yapping dog panicking the entire time you have to deal with it, huh? How is that my fault.

I don't need to go to the e.r. I wish I went to the gym but I had to wait for a call and I didn't want to be running and have to stop.... they don't think it's serious... I might try the injectable chlorestoral medication but im scared. I might try the statin sometime soon again..

I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow. And escape this awful hell. I'm so sick of being Alive. I hate where I live. I should have recorded her. She talks a shit storm to skye and Liv about me but christ. She comes at me with aggression. I respond most of the time with a, a matter of fact calmly. And then she just starts screaming.

Like I just can't cope. I guess I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow... and Saturday imma have a red bull day cause i have to go to my dad's on Sunday and I got to take more xanax anyways bc I know i won't sleep if I don't.... technically if I go to the gym Thursday I still hit 3 days this week, Saturday, Monday and Thursday... next week I'll go Monday, Wednesday and Friday....

Idk when or if i should retry the statin bc this was before the gym and it hurt my wrist and my muscles were achy and when I touched my leg it was tender.... idk what to do but I'm sick of being here...

What i read about my injectable medication and side effects specifically thyroid is it can cause thyriod storm. It happened to one person. That worries me and it can cause gastroenteritis.... makes me worry about it causing chorns or something in the long run. Also it can cause diabetes... but I'm a little less worried about that one...

Something I've been thinking is my chlorestoral went up from March to September... right after starting Methimazole and white mulberries... I mean idk. Meds can cause all sorts of side effects. White mulberries are known to lower chlorestoral but in this case it had no effect. What if Methimazole can raise it. Or even Xanax. I mean it's been almost a year of xanax. I have no idea.

I'm worried about sleep tonight bc i took 1mg last night bc my anxiety was so bad. And I can't do it tonight. I need to reserve it for Saturday so I can make sure I see my dad for his birthday.

[respectlless]

𝓲. briefly she discards her typically steady hand, allowing for an "accidental" slip of the pin, hoping it'd prick his skin. she had no patience for this whining. truth be told she'd picked vox for this for multiple reasons; the model that had been killed had a similar height and build, albeit with slight curvature as she had been a woman. never in her life would she allow vox to walk in one of her shows, as funny as it may have been in theory; she'd have someone else model the dress, but said model had been insistent she wouldn't be in for another two hours and this dress has to be perfect before then. vox would just have to do for now.

❝val's too tall; his big arse would damage the seams, and i'd rather listen to your bitching than his. although ideally there'd be no bitching,❞

𝓲𝓲. and there he went, arguing his point of how 'important' it was that he be watching alastor. she scoffs at this statement, brow twitching as she once again straightens out the sleeve, giving it a few smoothing brushes with her hand and looking over her work astutely.

❝no, it has to be ready to go in two hours. i wouldn't have to be adjusting it if it wasn't for your boyfriend killing the middle it was fitted for originally. christ it's like when i talk it goes in one ear and out the other.❞

❝you'll survive two hours of not staring at alastor. what exactly do you think the mangey git is going to do in two hours hm? he doesn't need to be babysat. based on your yapping he's very probably doing nothing more than mucking about in that shit hole hotel. so stop fretting; you sound like my nan.❞

𝓲𝓲𝓲. she taps her chin, eyes narrowing as she looks over the dress once more, taking in every detail; she's fairly certain she's gotten the sleeves right but one had to be sure. she would settle for nothing less than perfection.

❝right, hold your arms out to the side.❞

Grumbling as she spoke, watching her as she grabbed another pin, worried about her getting too careless. "What? No!" He scoffed, "I had actual plans. Watching Alastor is something that I just happen to do when I'm not busy. You know what they say: keep your friends closer and your enemies closer." He said, "Though, if you don't take it easy with those pins I will be pulling you closer, my dear Velvette." He said, smiling down at the fashionista.

He looked down at the dress he was wearing, making a face before looking back up at her, hearing her obvious annoyance. Groaning as he let his body slump, "Seriously? You can't even TELL." You could.

"Just give me like a couple hours to finish up my work then I can come back down and help you finish up things here. You have time before this dress needs to actually be finished, right?" He never actually did pay attention to her work -- or Val's for that matter unless he was in need of calming the moth overlord down.

"Or you know, I could have someone come step in for me -- like literally anyone -- anyone with boobs specifically since ya know...it's a dress! Or better yet, how about we get the moth-head to come down and help since he's the one who ruined everything and set you behind!"

The longer he waited... the more antsy he got. He needed to take this dress off and go see what Alastor was up to.

[austronauts]

i am returning with yet another brainrot episode [dodges booing and tomatoes being thrown] of me annotating mitch youtube content.

this podcast episode with connor was ADORABLE and revealed a side of him that we rarely ever see otherwise SO...it has made my mitch hyperfixation at LEAST 5x worse. I say this so i can warn you to listen at your own peril (i say listen rather than watch bc mitch is like..in 240p the whole time and at certain points looks SO BLURRY he looks like an impressionist painting of a twink. how very renoir of him tbh). 

I also recognize this video is long af (honestly i didnt know mitch knew this many words....very impressed) so i’m time-stamping every part that im annotating...... also this post got so long so i’m sorry. i KNOW i always say this but it’s bc im genuinely always surprised by my own verbose ass.,.,,,,.,,,,.,.,,,,, WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY IM JUST LIKE MITCH FR I NEED TO STOP YAPPING (morgan rielly voice: “just never shuts up”) 

1:35: mitch apparently loves oysters? honestly adding this only because it’s so cute when his face scrunches up and he throws his head back to laugh at 2:12 (also why is connor’s water glass so dirty what is HAPPENING)

3:21: mitch marner, self-proclaimed coffee aficionado and BEST coffee maker on the leafs, does not know what a chemex is. the look of blank confusion. i know what you are. a fraud who would rather be drinking capri suns and chocolate milk.

3:45: ok now we understand WHY mitch is always wearing a redbull hat (when he’s not wearing his recent assortment of ridiculous hat acquisitions like that powder blue hat with the HUGE BRIM or the orange prada bucket hat) - redbull just sends mitch HATS ON HATS ON HATS that he’s not even allowed to share as part of his agreement. i am now, in fact, asking redbull to send him EVEN MORE HATS so he’s less tempted to wear those hats he’s been wearing this off-season. redbull should just absolutely bury him in hats until he is no longer even visible. he’s not that big so it really shouldn’t take that many hats!!! that’s what i call a hat trick. that’s what i call cap space [booing from audience intensifies]

6:25: WHY is a CONNOR CARRICK MITCH MARNER PODCAST HOW I FIND OUT THAT PK SUBBAN AND LINDSEY VONN WERE ENGAGED?!?!! WHAT IN THE SPORTS ROYALTY?

7:14: just connor gassing mitch up and then chirping him for looking like a newborn foal when he entered the league (mitch then chirps himself for what he looked like with his shirt off lmao - it always surprises me how self-aware he seems to be and how comfortable he seems to be with himself? genuinely endearing tbh)

9:34: mitch talking about how formative visiting the children’s hospital in london (with christian dvorak) 1-2x a week was for him and the “legacy” he wants to build as a hockey player. like. as a cynical human i understand that this podcast is meant to be a fluff piece that’s beneficial for mitch’s reputation/brand, but as a human human i cannot help but be touched by how sincere mitch is about this. and more importantly, he’s shown it with his actions re: the genuine friendship he had with hayden, who mitch met during these hospital visits. 

11:54: hearing about mitch’s contract issues from mitch’s POV is pretty interesting, and i believe this is the most extensively he’s ever spoken about it? it makes so much sense that mitch’s biggest priority was not wanting to miss training camp and pre-season. and that he had ZERO intention of leaving the leafs. im forever genuinely flabbergasted by that contingent of leafs fans who thinks mitch was the one in the room negotiating with kyle/the leafs and playing games to squeeze every last dollar out of them? like DO THEY KNOW MITCH? THE TWITCH STREAMER? my. brother in christ, this guy does not even know what an encyclopedia is. my brother in christ, this guy called his finnish teammate “finlish.”  ANYWAY, he talks pretty openly about the impact the contract negotiations and pressure had on him mentally

17:40: connor: what is your favorite part of being a toronto maple leaf? mitch: my friends 🥺

19:54: mitch talking about how he just likes to check in “on his guys” and connor pointing out that whenever he gets an assist or a goal in a game, he still gets texts from mitch. WHICH IS. SO SWEET. as someone who is absolutely fucking terrible at keeping in touch with people i am JUST. SORRY TO BE A SAP BUT THATS SO SWEET OF HIM? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! IM GOING TO EAT HIM!!!!!!

20:30: THIS IS THE BEST PART LOWKEY - THE NIKE SHOES STORY DODOHFODHOSHSODASODHFAIDHFLWJEFKDLJKSAS. IF U WATCH NOTHING ELSE PLEASE WATCH THIS. THE DAY CONNOR GOT MOVED FROM THE LEAFS AND WAS SAD MITCH JUST SHOWED UP WITH A GIANT PILE OF SHOES TO GIVE CONNOR AND CONNOR HAD TO BE LIKE “MITCH? I AM MOVING? I CANNOT TAKE ALL THESE SHOES???” THIS IS THE MOST MITCH MARNER STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD I CANNOT LIKE IVE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IF I READ IT IN A FIC I WOULDVE BEEN LIKE “LMAOOO THIS AUTHOR NAILED MY HEADCANON OF MITCH BUT IRL MITCH WOULD NEVER DO THAT” BUT NO! HE DOES! HE HAS! the fairy godmother only gave cinderella one pair of glass slippers but mitch marner will show up at your doorstep with 10+ pairs of emotional support nikes that he’s been trying to give you for MONTHS because he loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

24:45: Mitch talking about how the award he’d want to win the most is the Selke - and given how great Mitch has been this past season offensively AND defensively AND on the PP AND on the PK??? give minch the selke send tweet. 

28:30: when Mitch was drafted by London he was 5′6″ and 125lbs DLKDLKSJA HE WAS fucking TEENSY! please! i 100% could have carried him around in a fanny pack with my wallet and keys and a granola bar and the 3-4 random crumpled receipts from walgreens

30:16: “whenever people ask me what it was like playing with mitchy, i always tell them he has the ability to rubiks’ cube the game.” i LOVE This and i will be using this expression from now on, even though i have never solved a rubik’s cube and never will!

46:20: I would say this is the 2nd really meaty part of this podcast? It’s where Connor and Mitch talk about Mitch’s draft day experience. When Mitch talks about how NERVOUS he was when Toronto went up to draft their 4th pick i started laughing because if you watch the 2015 draft video you can SEE JUST HOW PETRIFIED AND TERRIFIED AND CLOSE TO SHITTING HIMSELF THEN THROWING UP THEN FAINTING AND DISINTEGRATING INTO A PILE OF DRIED UP LEAVES MITCH LOOKS LMAO. like that boy was on the brink of death. also, really interesting details behind Phoenix Coyotes drafting Dylan at third right before Mitch here!

51:47: The 3rd meaty (auston-y :---))))) ) part of this podcast: Mitch talking about THE BABCOCK INCIDENT where babcock made mitch grade his teammates on work ethic. Mitch talks about it with a lot of levity and positivity tbh but hearing mitch even joke and laugh about it makes me sad because it clearly was a really awful experience for him to go through as a rookie. knowing how close mitch was and is to those 3 guys at the bottom - tyler bozak, naz, JVR (his recent italian escapade buddy) - is definitely comforting tho. BOOING BABCOCK FOREVER FOR THIS TBH. like WHAT were you aiming to get out of this and why the hell would you ever put a ROOKIE in this impossible situation?

55:46: THE FINAL MEATY PART OF THIS PODCAST: THE MATT MARTIN SECTION. honestlyyyyY. just watch this part from beginning to end pls because mitch clearly loves and treasures matt SO much and there’s SO much here that will make you want to gnaw gnaw gnaw chew chew chew scream ferally and SUE connor carrick for your upper body injury (heart hurts)... but anyway, a few highlights: 

Mitch calling Marty a protector, a big brother, and “how big of a mentor he was to me” - i WILL CRY!!!!!!! I WILL!!!!! THATS MY FAVE LEAFS SHIP RIGHT THERE 

“He was all for me shooting a puck off his leg or his ass.”  every other time Mitch opens his mouth he says something that makes me go “wait ..what did he say?” and have to re-listen. this is one of those moments

the FUNNIEST story about how connor and matt almost fought when they played for different teams because matt found connor so annoying. i won’t spoil the details but i - i def cackled out loud

“you just felt 2 feet taller with matt around” 🥺🥺🥺 ok that’s fine tHATS FINE 

OH GOD. THE worst part: Mitch talks about how Matt and Syd would always invite him over and make sure Mitch never felt alone his rookie year, and how this experience of feeling included and loved by Matt shaped the kind of teammate/friend Mitch tries to be aka making sure his home and heart are always open to his teammates. I....I’M. Y’ALL. HOLD MY HAND AND STAY WITH ME BECAUSE LIKE - think about the way bogo (esp when his family was away during covid) and justin lived with mitch and how the leafs all clearly love mitch so much and how mitch says he always tries to be the positive energy guy for his team AND I JUST .  LETHAL PSYCHIC DAMAGE SUFFERED FROM THIS PART OF THE PODCAST TBH BRAIN JUST LEAKIN OUT THROUGH MY EARHOLES AS I CRAWL INTO A CORNER. Matt Martin drop your location right now and square up because i will fight you right now for what you’ve done. how DARE you and mitch marner, 2 rich white men i absolutely do not know, make me want to be a better kinder person....i...pretend i do not see it...i pretend i do not feel it.

1:02:58: Yes this podcast is over an hour long and i watched all of it ahahahah1!! haHA! anyway, mitch thanking the frontline workers - very sincere and endearing and mitch-y (aka causing little brain blips of complete confusion - like why did he call the UPS... “ups”? is this a canadian thing? also him thanking the WIFI PEOPLE FJDLKDJLDDSDSSDAKJLDDFLFJFKJLDSJLDKFAJL lmfaofjldjDDKS lmfaofofoofofOFOFO okay)

But seriously the entire podcast is extremely endearing and it’s still the off-season so please do watch the whole thing if you have a chance! then come yell with me about it u know i love to yell