#chris is already back buck is single and this leads to a confession

[buckleygrace118]

I might have theorized a little bit too close to the sun bc what if we get another karaoke scene in season 8...

what if the firefam goes to the bar after shift. everyone leaves early except for buck and eddie. they find themselves on stage again, singing what I like about you. they look at each other longer than they should and flashbacks from the bachelor party start playing. people cheering around them as they exit the stage, them standing in a secluded corner, shoulders touching, love song playing in the background, and we get an almost kiss.

[riskybusiness-buddie]

not any other feels like home

Buddie | Fluff & Angst | 4.3k | Read on AO3 | Title

Buck finds the biggest downside to being single is being alone with his thoughts in a too big, empty apartment. It had never truly felt like a home not even when Taylor tragically moved in but now, it feels like home even less. Being here makes him miss Eddie, miss Christopher, miss stolen moments in which he pretends to have everything he knows is always just out of reach.

The black duffel bag that sits at the foot of the stairs leading up to his bedroom mocks him, reminding him he’s always just passing through, never allowed to stay in the place where his heart resides.

They say home is where the heart is, and his heart is always with Eddie.

-

Buck pines. Eddie pines. A dresser drawer means more than either of them know.

“You’re coming over later, right?” Eddie asks as he buttons up his shirt at the end of their shift. He’s looking at Buck expectantly even though he should already know the answer. “I’m making cupcakes for Chris’ class tomorrow and I need you to taste test.”

Buck huffs out a laugh at the idea of Eddie baking multiple flavors of cupcakes and making Buck try every single one.

“Am I your guinea pig now, Diaz?”

He thinks back on recent nights spent at the Diaz household, roped into taste-testing whatever recipe Linda had texted Eddie that day. He wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, not when Eddie looks happier than he’s seen him in so long.

“I’ll have you know my services are not cheap. I will also be expecting dinner. Something edible, of course."

"Oh, don't worry your highness, I'm not going to poison you," he scoffs. "Besides, Chris would kill me."

Buck hums, mulling it over. "Well, yes, he would avenge me."

"So, are you coming over or not?" Eddie asks clearly amused. Buck has never been poetic, but he knows he could wax lyrical about the sparkle in Eddie's eyes.

"Of course, you know I love you-r baked goods," he says changing course at the very last second.

He ducks his head, willing the heat on his face to go away. He’s been doing so good at keeping his feelings in check, good at keeping all the mushy gooey heartbreaking feelings under wraps, and here he is, almost confessing over baked goods. Way to go, Buckley.

Eddie shakes his head as he slings his duffle bag over his shoulder making his way out of the locker room. He stops in front of Buck close enough that Buck feels Eddie's warm breath ghost over his face. He wraps his hand around Buck’s bicep eyes dark.

“You’re going to eat a delicious meal and homemade cupcakes. And you’re going to love it. Then, you’re going to eat your words, Evan.” He squeezes his hand just so before taking a step back to leave and Buck—

Buck feels the heat of Eddie’s hand long after Eddie leaves.

=

Buck A.T, or Buck After Taylor, a.k.a. Buck 4.0 is Buck coming to terms with the fact that he is completely and utterly, hopelessly in love with his best friend, one Edmundo Diaz.

It took one conversation with Maddie about her relationship with Chimney to make him realize just how far gone he truly was. He spent so long trying to find something already perfect, forcing feelings and situations to mean something they didn’t when, all along, his relationship with Eddie was right there, perfectly imperfect in every way that truly mattered.

Realizing his relationship with Eddie is the great romance he's been looking for doesn't mean Eddie feels the same way. Sure, there have been moments where Buck’s mind wanders and his imagination fills in the gaps. Eddie gives him these looks sometimes; looks he can't quite explain away. Lingering looks that carry so much weight they honestly scare him a little. Buck is helpless to hope they might mean his love isn’t as unrequited as he thinks.

And that's where the fear comes in. It's better to wallow in his feelings than to think Eddie might long for him in the very same way. He can live with heartbreak, he's had to his whole life in one way or another, but Eddie breaking his heart might just break him entirely. So, he pines in silence lest he accidentally spills his emotional guts all over his best friend ruining everything in the process.

Buck can’t imagine his life without Eddie. He would miss his stupidly handsome face and his stupid beautiful heart and his amazing kid and his stupid, charming pointy-toothed smile and—

Oh yeah, Buck is in love.

=

Buck finds the biggest downside to being single is being alone with his thoughts in a too big, empty apartment. It had never truly felt like a home not even when Taylor tragically moved in but now, it feels like home even less. Being here makes him miss Eddie, miss Christopher, miss stolen moments in which he pretends to have everything he knows is always just out of reach.

The black duffel bag that sits at the foot of the stairs leading up to his bedroom mocks him, reminding him he’s always just passing through, never allowed to stay in the place where his heart resides.

They say home is where the heart is, and his heart is always with Eddie.

=

Buck pulls up to the curb, the car idling in front of Eddie’s house. He sighs as he leans back against the seat feeling a little bit of the tension from the day bleed away from his bones. He closes his eyes as the faint nagging feeling in the back of his mind works its way into his thoughts.

“This is not your home. This is not your family. They are not yours to keep.”

Buck knows it's stupid to think and feel the way he does. Eddie assures him countless times he’s more than welcome but still—

Still.

It’s a bittersweet kind of torture, allowing himself to be so close to Eddie and Chris knowing the days and nights must always come to an end.

He looks at the duffel bag in the passenger seat containing a few t-shirts, pajama pants, a pair of sweatpants, and some underwear. No toiletries because he’s had his toothbrush and hair products at Eddie’s house for years. It feels so much more important than what it is but Buck knows its little bits and pieces of his heart chipping away to stay behind every time he leaves.

He sighs as he pulls the bag over his shoulder making his way out of the car, fumbling with his keys. He takes his time to make the walk up to Eddie’s door. He knows deep down both Eddie and Christopher truly want him here. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be anyway so he just needs to get out of his mind, out of his way to simply enjoy tonight, and every other night he gets to spend with them.

Buck shakes himself off as he slips the key in the lock and opens the door. He can do this. He can play family with his best friend and his son. It's not like he can fall any more in love.

He toes his shoes off at the door tucking them away between Eddie and Chris’ sneakers. He grips the strap of the duffle bag padding over to the kitchen but stops short at the sounds spilling out into the hallway.

Chris laughs brightly as Eddie bemoans the mess all over the counters and his hair and the table and Buck closes his eyes, taking it all in. He wants nothing more than to cross that threshold and step into the warmth that surrounds them.

“Buck?” Eddie calls from the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

“Buck! Come on! Dad's making a mess! Make him stop or else he’ll make me clean it up!”

“Okay, I wasn’t before but I’m definitely making you clean everything up now!”

“No! Buck! Save me!”

“Yeah, Buck, come save your Christopher!”

Buck can’t deny either of them a single thing.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he says as he steps into the kitchen, taking in the sight of Eddie standing by the sink holding a bright green bowl of something. He walks over to Christopher stopping for a moment to ruffle his hair. 

"Whatcha got there, Eds?" Eddie is frowning down at the bowl in his hands. 

"This isn't stiff or peaky," he responds as if that explains everything. Eddie narrows his eyes at the sudden burst of laughter from him and Chris. "Great. Thanks a lot, guys."

Buck knows his face is doing nothing to hide the surge of affection he suddenly feels. He watches as Eddie's face breaks out in a wide, lopsided grin. The seconds tick by as Buck watches Eddie and Eddie watches Buck. Eddie has another one of those looks that makes Buck weak at the knees, makes his heart skip a beat, makes butterflies flutter about in his stomach—

God, he is so fucked.

Eddie makes a face as his eyes travel down to the duffel bag still around his shoulder. "Oh," he says. "Go put your stuff down and come help."

Buck walks over to Eddie's bedroom, dropping his duffel bag at the foot of the bed. He feels a sense of pride at how far Eddie has come since that fateful night when he thought he'd lost Eddie all over again. Sometime after they'd patched up his walls, and several therapy sessions later, Eddie asked Buck to accompany him and Chris to buy himself a new bedroom set, complete with picture frames and art pieces. 

"I never really bothered, y’know." Eddie had said when Buck questioned why his walls were always so bare. "I guess I never really thought about staying here, making this mine and Chris' home. Then when I found the 118, I thought it was about time to start putting down roots. I guess Christopher put them down way before I did."

Buck knew Chris' room was full of toys and books and knickknacks, full of things he loved. He blamed allergies for the tears in his eyes the day Chris put a drawing of the three of them up on his bedroom wall. 

He looks at the framed pictures atop Eddie's dresser, snapshots and moments of the life Eddie has built for himself with the help of the 118, the life he's built with Buck. His heart does that thing it always does every time he thinks about Eddie and Chris and the lifetime they could spend creating memories.

He touches the edge of the framed picture of Eddie and Chris with Shannon knowing she would be so proud of how far they've both come.  

He hopes somehow, he's making her proud, too.

=

He makes his way back to the kitchen just in time for Eddie to scoop out a little bit of whatever he's been mixing and stick his hand out with a "Here, try this." There's a look in his eyes Buck doesn't know what to make of but like always, Buck can't deny Eddie a single thing.

He steps forward feeling the bowl tucked in Eddie's arm bump against his chest. His hand comes up to tug on Eddie's wrist, lips wrapping around the spoon slowly. Eddie's pulse jumps against his fingertips as he flushes, ears turning bright pink, cheeks very much the same. He doesn't miss the way Eddie's gaze drops to his mouth as he hums around the spoon. 

"Hm, your buttercream tastes pretty good, Eds." He drags his tongue along the tip of the spoon if only to see what kind of reaction he can get from Eddie. The soft exhale and bright red blush is worth it. Serves him right for earlier.

"Uh, guys?" Chris is looking between them with a look of horror. 

Eddie stumbles back blinking away whatever spell he seems to have been under. "Uh," he says turning around to face the counter.

Buck turns to Chris, noticing the rows of cupcakes still in tins on the table. There seems to be way too many for a class of only twenty-something kids. 

Chris, ever observant and the smart kid Buck has ever known, seems to pick up on the question Buck isn't asking.

"Yeah, he made more than enough," he mumbles. "I think there are four different flavors?"

Buck spares Eddie a glance as he slowly reaches over to pick up what looks like chocolate and blueberry, handing the blueberry to Chris. They're both about to take a bite when—

"Don't you dare!" They both jump at the sound of Eddie's voice. "Dinner first, then cupcakes."

"Fine," Chris hands the cupcake back to Buck with an adorable pout.

"Sorry, bud. I guess we'll have to wait." 

=

Dinner is Eddie's attempt at another of Linda's recipes, chicken chowder stuffed zucchinis. Buck wants to send her flowers or fruit or something because it tastes heavenly. Eddie’s grin is blinding when he says as much. For all of Buck’s teasing about his cooking skills, he is happy Eddie has found something that brings him such joy. The pleased smile on Eddie's face as he and Chris dig in makes Buck think of poetry again. Yeah, he needs to find a way to thank Linda somehow.

“Cupcake time!” Buck and Chris shout in unison once they're back in the kitchen. Before Eddie can stop them, Buck hands Chris his blueberry cupcake, taking a bite of his chocolate one.

“Oh wow! This is good, Eds.” 

“Yeah, Dad. This one’s actually edible this time.”

“Okay, okay, there's no need to sound so surprised."

"Just being honest. I gotta try all four, just to make sure."

"Yeah, me too. Dad still can't be trusted."

"Come on guys, I think I’m getting better, no?"

“Hm, I’m not a fan of the red velvet."

“No bueno.”

"Okay. What about the lime one?"

"That's supposed to be lime?"

"Yes, Chris, it's supposed to be lime."

"Hm. No bueno to that too."

"I dunno, Chris. I kind of like it."

"Then, you can have them all."

Eddie's laughter wraps itself around Buck's heart, a familiar ache blooming in his chest. It's moments like this he finds hurt the most.

After the right mix of cupcake flavors is decided and each one is frosted and decorated, Eddie, true to his word, makes Chris clean up. Buck, of course, is made to help which in reality means doing most of the work as Chris sits by his side, ranting about his day. As soon as the last of the cupcake tins is clean, he disappears to his room with a hasty goodnight, I love you both, my team is waiting. 

"You know he has you wrapped around his finger, right?" Eddie hands Buck a beer from the fridge. 

"Well, yeah, he's my favorite Diaz." He follows Eddie into the living room settling into the couch for a movie. It's simple. It's easy. He doesn't think about the night coming to an end.

=

Buck pulls at the label of the beer bottle he's been nursing for the past hour. The movie Eddie chose is nearing the end or so he thinks because if he's being honest, he hasn't been paying much attention if any at all. Not when he can feel the heat radiating off Eddie from where he's pressed with his back to Buck's shoulder.

He feels Eddie stifle a yawn against his fist as his own body betrays him and follows suit. 

"I know it's late, but you're so comfortable," Eddie mumbles tipping his head back to rest against Buck's jaw. If Buck turns his head just so, he could press a kiss to Eddie's temple.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He asks instead. 

Eddie seems to relax even further as he hums in response. "Of course, Buck. I thought you already were."

Maybe it's the third beer he hasn't quite finished or the relaxed, comfortable atmosphere that surrounds them that has Buck suddenly feeling brave. He tips his head forward, lips brushing against Eddie's temple as he whispers, "I have to change into my pajamas, Eds."

Eddie makes a noise of protest but sits up slightly turning to face him. Buck realizes with a start their faces are close, count every eyelash, are your lips as soft as they look, maybe if I lean forward a little, I could find out close. Eddie opens his mouth slowly as his soft gaze drops to Buck's lips.

There it is, another one of Eddie's looks. This one Buck thinks he recognizes because he's seen it on himself whenever he's caught looking at Eddie in the candid photographs of the 118. The beer might be messing with his mind more than he thought because he would swear Eddie looks so close to leaning in, leaning forward, and maybe he's feeling brave, too—

No, it can't be. It's just Buck hoping like he always does that something might come of the looks. Nothing ever does.

Buck isn't brave enough, not yet. Instead of kissing Eddie breathless like his heart is telling him to, he turns away, missing the way Eddie's face falls.

Back in the kitchen, he pours the last of the beer down the drain. He feels Eddie come up to stand next to him as he pours what's left of his beer into the sink.

The clinking of the beer bottle against the other recycling is the only sound before Eddie mumbles something about using the bathroom first.

Buck grips the edge of the sink. Something is different about tonight; he can feel it. He just has no idea what.

Is Eddie suddenly aware of what Buck has been wrestling with for months now? If Buck feels up for a nice spiral down memory lane, he knows it's been a lot longer than months, but Eddie doesn't know that. Eddie doesn't know any of it.

Right?

Buck feels a little too buzzed and yet still too sober to let himself think about it all. 

Sighing, he walks to Eddie's bedroom to gather his things and get ready for bed, or couch, rather. And isn't that another punch to the gut? He punishes himself most nights he stays by hunkering down on the couch, despite Eddie insisting his new bed is more than big enough for the two of us Buckley, I am not a blanket hog, thank you very much. 

Buck kneels in front of his duffel bag searching for the pajama pants he knows he had tucked away. He always makes sure to have extra clothes for moments like this, moments when he stays.

"What's wrong?" Eddie asks from the doorway. 

"Nothing." He looks through the duffel bag again as if the bag will magically produce what he's looking for. "I mean, my pajama pants. I thought I had a pair, but I guess I forgot them."

He sits back on his haunches. It's not the end of the world but he hates sleeping in his jeans. If he says as much, Eddie might just offer him a pair of his pajama pants like he's done in the past. Problem is, now Buck has to deal with the onslaught of emotions at the thought of wearing Eddie's clothes.

Once upon a time, Buck could wear one of Eddie's t-shirts and not want to swoon like a maiden because the shirt smelled like Eddie. Once upon a time, Buck could wear a pair of Eddie's pants and not think of Eddie wearing those same pants and the things they could have seen or felt or heard. Of course, articles of clothing can't see or feel or hear anything, but Buck can.

And now, Buck is stuck thinking of Eddie's clothes which never fails to lead him to think of Eddie without clothes. So. Yeah, sleeping with jeans it is. 

"Well," Eddie offers unaware of Buck's inner turmoil. "You could just wear what you have here."

Buck blinks up at him not quite understanding what Eddie is saying. "What?" 

"Uh, you might already have some clothes here," Eddie says looking sheepish. He walks over to his dresser and opens the first drawer on the left, pulling out a pair of pants Buck knows are his.

"These are all yours. I keep finding your shirts and your pajamas. I even found a few hoodies. I guess I never realized I've been collecting your clothes for months. So," he makes an aborted motion at the open drawer. "This is yours."

“I— wait—” Buck stumbles over his words, not knowing how to react to having his own drawer in Eddie’s bedroom dresser.

“I have a— a drawer in your dresser now?” He knows his face probably looks wild, but he can’t help himself. Not when Eddie is handing him the sun and the moon and the stars. He scrambles to stand up because this is a conversation that needs to be had standing up.

“Yes?”

“But— why?” God, what is that saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth?

“I— I figured it would be easier than having to carry a duffel bag around. We already do that enough for work. Besides, our clothes get mixed up when you do the laundry anyway. It’s why I had to give you a drawer, there are so many of your clothes already here.” Buck doesn’t miss the way Eddie’s hands are wringing the pants, knuckles white.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking uncertain for the first time since Buck walked in the door. His face shutters eyes clouding with something Buck thinks might be fear. “I’m sorry, I thought– maybe—”

“No! Yes!” Buck shouts before Eddie can say more. Eddie’s head shoots up at Buck’s outburst. They both turn to the doorway listening for any sounds coming from Chris' room, but the house stays silent.

“Sorry,” he winces turning back to Eddie.

“No, I’m sorry.” Buck hates himself for making Eddie look so utterly dejected. He’s talking mostly to the floor as the words tumble out of him in a rush.

“I guess I just didn’t want to see your duffel bag on the floor of my bedroom anymore because— because it means you always have one foot out the door. And I— I’m always waiting for you to stay.”

Buck resists the urge to pinch himself because surely, this must be a dream. He can’t quite catch his breath.

“Frank says I have to be honest. With myself. And, you know I’m honest, sometimes a little too honest, maybe, but I’m honest. Just, not with myself. I don’t let myself believe I can be happy. I don’t let myself even try. But this,” he raises his hands still stuck in a death grip on the pants. “This was me letting myself be happy.”

He finally raises his head and meets Buck’s eyes head-on. He doesn’t look uncertain anymore.

“I gave you a drawer because I want you to stay with me, with Chris. Always. This is your home, this is where you belong.”

Buck stares and stares. And stares some more. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he would hear those words come out of Eddie's mouth. 

Is Eddie asking what Buck thinks he's asking? Is he asking Buck to what, move in? Is that— really? Does Eddie even know what he's asking, what he's implying by asking Buck to stay? 

"Okay, well," Eddie says breaking Buck out of his thoughts. His grip on the pants doesn't look painful anymore but the slight edge in his voice sounds like it hurts. "Forget it. It doesn't have to mean anything. I just—"

"No," Buck doesn't recognize his voice. "Eddie, you have to know. You have to know this— this is everything. So, what— what are you saying?"

"I love you," Eddie says. "Even before I knew what it was, I knew I loved you."

Buck's heart thunders in his chest as he tentatively takes a few steps forward. Eddie meets him halfway.

"I'm in love with you, Buck," Eddie whispers to the space between them. His words are rolling thunder deep in the center of Buck's heart, opening him up with flashes of light.

Buck brings his hands up to rest on Eddie's cheeks fingertips tangling in the soft hair of his nape. Those damn sweatpants fall at their feet as Eddie gently wraps his hands around Buck's forearms. 

"Buck."

"Eddie."

Their lips brush sending sparks up Buck's spine. He tilts his head slightly pressing their lips together with intent.

Months or years, perhaps a lifetime, of longing, of pining, of feeling a love so intense he never knew what to do with pouring out of him.

Eddie deepens the kiss, arms wrapping around Buck's waist, pulling him impossibly closer. 

They part for a moment breathing against each other. Buck knows it's cheesy, but he feels lost in the beautiful brown of Eddie's eyes. This look he recognizes.

He sees it in his reflection every morning he gets to wake up with Eddie. He sees it in his reflection at the station whenever Eddie cracks a joke. He sees it when they pick up Chris from school when they grocery shop when they simply exist together.

He never wants to look away.

The tears come unbidden as he decides to be brave. 

"I'm so in love with you, Eds." He rests his forehead against Eddie's needing just one more point of contact between them.

"I hate leaving you. I want to go to sleep and wake up tangled with you every morning. I want to make Chris his favorite breakfast every day because I know he still likes my pancakes best. I want you to come home to me after a long day so I can be there for whatever you need because I know you'll do the same for me."

"Oh, baby," Eddie breathes. 

"You're it for me, Eddie. You have to know. This— this is it for me."

Eddie closes the small distance between them mouth pressing against Buck's desperately. 

"Stay with me. Please," he mumbles in between kisses to Buck's jaw and neck and—

Buck is never letting this go.

"Yes, always."

=

One drawer turns into half of the dresser because Buck has a lot of hoodies. If some of them make their way into Eddie's side, then that’s just the way it goes when you live with your boyfriend. 

Chris is ecstatic if only because he gets to have his Buck all the time, even when the teenage years creep in and he hates everyone else.

The dresser turns into buying a house together with more than enough room to grow.

Fights and proposals and almost break-ups and family gatherings with lots of love between them, always, turn into what Buck and Eddie knew it would be: forever. 

[daniclaytcn]

there ain’t nothing common about us

a/n: some much needed comfort after all the hurt the fandom has put itself through this past week :)

aO3

title courtesy of @malikjavaddzayn, thank goodness she isn't as indecisive as i am!

tagging some people who may be interested: @evaneddie @diazalex @buttercupbuck @diazseddie @firefighter-diaz (please let me know if you'd like to be added/removed from my tag list!)

When Eddie wakes, it is violently and with a tortured gasp as he abruptly sits up in bed, the sheets tangled around him. He covers his face with his left hand for a moment, breathing heavily, fighting back the sobs that threaten to spring free, his body shaking like a leaf.

It isn’t the first time he’s woken up like since he was discharged from the hospital with a sling around his right shoulder and an acute sense of fear and paranoia that followed him even into the safety of his own home. It has been almost a month, but the nightmares wake Eddie almost every night, varying in degrees of severity. The first two weeks were the worst, reaching the peak when he screamed in his sleep loud enough to wake Christopher, leaving the boy shaken and terrified.

Eddie put Chris into therapy the next day, and started working on waking himself up before the nightmares could get out of hand. The last thing he wants to do his traumatize his son even more than he already is, Chris has been through far too much at such a young age.

The dreams seem to blend together most of the time, memories of Afghanistan and the shooting, making the lines between the two blurry and unrecognizable. Sometimes, he’ll see the bodies of his fellow soldiers scattered around him on a sunny street in LA. And other times, he’s in the inky-black darkness of the desert, reaching out for Buck, who seems impossibly far away, covered with sand and blood.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Eddie reaches for his phone, wincing as the movement jostles his right shoulder. It’s 2 AM. Wonderful.

He tiptoes down the hallway to Chris’ room, cracking the door open just enough to see the shape of his son under the covers, sleeping peacefully. The sight makes something settle in his chest, the something that has been left askew after every single nightmare. He is here. He is safe. Christopher is safe. He didn’t leave him (again). They’ll be alright, eventually.

How pathetic is it that even after a month, he still needs to remind himself of it almost daily?

Eddie returns to his room and sits back down on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he feels a wave of bone-deep exhaustion wash over him. Between the PT and Chris’ therapy and occasional nightmares and his own nightmares, Eddie needs all the rest he can get. But he never can go back to sleep after waking up from an episode and. Well.

Maybe he should start going back to therapy, too. Eddie knows he’ll have to, eventually, to be cleared for duty. But before that, he still needs to get himself together. For Chris’ sake, if nothing else. He just—he can’t stand the thought of talking to some stranger about what happened, though. The only person he has been able to talk to so far is Buck.

Buck. He’s been a rock throughout this whole process, the entirety of the 118 has, really. Buck, though? He’s just been around, somehow more entwined in their lives than before, cooking meals, helping out Eddie with chores around the house, watching Chris when Eddie needs his rest. And coming from anyone else, it would make Eddie bristle, would make him protest that he doesn’t need all this extra help, to be treated like an invalid, but it never feels like that with Buck. Never has. He’s just…there, sometimes spending more time in Eddie’s house than his own apartment, putting up with Eddie’s occasional bursts of temper on harder days. He doesn’t allow Eddie to push him away, and Eddie thinks there’s nothing more he is grateful for, really.

Eddie is dialing Buck’s number before he can stop himself. While the two of them have talked about the incident, briefly, Eddie has never told him about the nightmares. He knows Buck blames himself, still, because he has a guilt complex possibly larger than Eddie’s own and Eddie…Eddie doesn’t want to be a burden. He should be able to deal with this himself. He did deal with it alone, after returning from Afghanistan. Why is this time so different?

Buck answers on the third ring. “Hey,” He doesn’t sound surprised or panicked at receiving a late-night call from Eddie. He doesn’t even sound like he’s been startled out of sleep, but Eddie feels the need to apologize anyway.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” He says, guilt feeling like lead in his stomach.

“It’s alright, I wasn’t asleep,” Buck says and before Eddie can wonder why, he’s asking, “Is everything alright?”

Eddie opens his mouth to answer and nothing comes out. He feels frustrated tears prick at his eyes and he exhales deeply, trying to hold them in.

“Eddie?” Buck sounds more concerned now, and Eddie can hear a rustling noise, like he’s sitting up.

“Sorry, yeah,” Eddie manages to get out, wondering if his voice sounds as wrecked to Buck as it does to him. “I, um—” Might as well just rip the bandage off and get it over with. “Nightmares.” He says, finally.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says, his voice taking on a softer, consoling lilt. He doesn’t sound surprised. Eddie doesn’t know why he expected him to be.

“It’s just—” Eddie breathes out harshly, gripping the phone harder. “I just can’t fucking sleep. It’s almost every night, I just keep reliving that day over and over and it never stops and I should be over it by now, right? And I should be able to hold it together, for Chris, he deserves so much better, but—God. It’s too much.”

“Have you considered going back to see Frank?” Buck asks, carefully. Eddie sighs.

“I did. I mean, it’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? I need to get better, and Chris—”

“But this isn’t about Chris, Eddie,” Buck interrupts, almost sharply. “You should want to get better for yourself, too. I mean, you were shot. In broad daylight, with zero warning—” he cuts himself off for a moment and Eddie can hear him exhale roughly over the line. “No one expects you to just bounce back. Trauma doesn’t exactly have a time limit, you know. You need to do what’s best for you.”

And Eddie can suddenly remember Carla’s words in that moment—Make sure you’re following your heart instead of Christopher’s—and wants to laugh hysterically at the irony of it. He knew then that Carla had a point—it’s why he broke up with Ana—and he knows that Buck has a point, too. But it isn’t as easy as it sounds.

“I’m not sure I know how.” He confesses.

“I know,” Buck says, softly, and sighs. “You always put Chris first, Eddie, that’s who you are, and that’s why I—”

Eddie holds his breath for a second. He isn’t sure what he’s expecting.

“Anyway,” Buck says, after too long a pause and Eddie deflates slightly. “You’re important too, Eddie. I wish you could see that. I wish you could—you could see yourself the way I see you.”

And how do you see me? Eddie wants to ask, but doesn’t dare. Things have changed since the shooting—there’s no way they couldn’t—and he feels like he and Buck have been hovering on the edge of a precipice, something electric and alien sparking between them. There isn’t a word for it, and neither of them have done anything about it. They’re really not in any state to do so. But lord, is Eddie tempted, sometimes.

“Why were you awake, anyway?” Eddie asks, wanting to break the thick tension that has suddenly formed. Buck sighs, like he was afraid he would ask.

“Nightmares,” He says, clearly trying to sound casual, but a waver in his voice gives him away.

Eddie’s chest clenches. “I’m sorry.”

Buck lets out a wet-sounding chuckles and Eddie hates the idea of it, him having nightmares all alone in that apartment. “Only you would apologize for getting shot, Eddie.”

“Come over,” Eddie says, before he can stop himself. “I know it’s late, but—I don’t think either of us should be alone right now.”

There’s a lengthy pause and Eddie almost wants to take it back but Buck, mercifully, speaks. “Are you sure you want me there?”

“Yes.” Is what Eddie says. I always want you here, is what he doesn’t dare to say.

Buck pauses again. Then—

“I’m on my way.”

Eddie turns off his phone and waits in the darkness for Buck to arrive. The moment he hears the key turn in the lock, he exhales a relieved breath and manages to smile when Buck appears in the doorway of the bedroom, hovering hesitantly, as though he expects that now he’s here, Eddie will change his mind and kick him out.

Eddie tries to sound exasperated, but it comes out sounding fond. “Buck, I really hope you didn’t come all the way here in the middle of the night just to crash on the couch.”

That makes him laugh and eases some of the tension from his shoulders. Kicking off his shoes, Buck moves over to the other side of the bed and lays down over the covers on his side, facing Eddie.

It should be uncomfortable, this level of intense intimacy that hasn’t been present in their relationship before. But right now, Eddie feels the most comfortable and relaxed he has in a while and he can only hope that Buck feels the same way, too. He reaches out, a little tentatively, to take Buck’s hand in his.

The other man stiffens slightly and he looks at Eddie with something like wonder in his eyes.

“Don’t make this weird, Buck,” Eddie murmurs, hoping to break some of the tension. It works, and Buck lets out a startled chuckle.

“God, you’re such an asshole.” But he complies, slotting his fingers through Eddie’s and squeezing tight. Eddie can remember him doing it in the firetruck on the way to the hospital and he swallows. He’s glad he has a better memory to replace that with.

Eddie closes his eyes, feeling a hazy, soft, sort of comfort settle into his bones, with Buck’s touch and just him, there, so close by. He can’t help but wonder why it took them so long, to give each other the comfort they each need.

“Buck?” He murmurs, without opening his eyes. Buck hums in reply. It feels strangely domestic and makes Eddie’s heart beat a little faster.

“I think I will go to see Frank,” He says. “But for myself, this time.”

Eddie can’t see Buck’s face when he replies, but can hear it, the tender, proud smile in his voice. “I’m so glad, Eddie.” He says, his voice cracking a little bit.

If Buck says anything after that, Eddie can’t hear it, as sleep pulls him under into the most restful night he’s had yet. And when he wakes in the morning, Buck curled around him, his face peaceful and serene in the golden sunlight, Eddie can revel in the fact that the feeling was mutual.

[stilesgivesmefeels]

My Buddie family feels for quarantine

I’ve seen a several posts going around where Christopher stays with Abuela during quarantine because of the concerns about CP and COVID complications, and Eddie stays with Buck.

And I love those head canons!

But I have a slightly different take.  I think that Eddie is absolutely terrified of what could happen if he brings home COVID to Chris but he knows that having Chris full-time would be too much for Abuela, even if Pepa stayed with them.  Pepa has to work from home and couldn’t help that much and would need quiet for the dreaded zoom calls.  

Eddie even contemplates asking his parents to come to LA or sending Chris to them.  But he is absolutely terrified that he would never get Chris back.  What if he sends Chris away and they sue?  Would a judge give his special needs son back to a single father with a dangerous job who sent his son away??? He’s really spinning with these thoughts.

He can’t afford Carla full-time and she has other clients that she works with anyway.  Clients that are elderly and in nursing homes.  Eddie’s worried.  Just all around worried.  And he doesn’t see a way out with anyone else.

So he starts looking in to family medical leave (FMLA). But even with that he wouldn’t make enough money to cover tuition (even with the scholarship he still has to pay some) and all of Chris’s therapies.  (Even though those therapies are mostly moving to online now it’s still expensive.  Carla seriously helped A LOT with figuring out payments and funding.  But this is America.  That shit ain’t free.). Not to mention his rent.  He’s hoping that rent help will come form the state but at the beginning he can’t be sure.  

Buck comes over one day to find Eddie practically tearing his hair out.  He knows that he has to make a decision in the next 24 hours before it becomes too late.  Northern California has already moved to shelter-in-place and he knows that LA County will be following suit soon.  That’s when Eddie tells Buck that he’s going to have to take FMLA *and* move with Chris back to El Paso, at least temporarily while all this is happening.  He won’t be getting paid because he doesn’t have furlough/sick leave built up.  But Chris will still have health insurance benefits.

Buck is freaking out.  Eddie’s basically quitting and moving away with Christopher? WHAT THE FUCK? He can’t let that happen.

Now, see I fully head canon that Buck and Maddie come from money.  Their parents are rich enough to have their kids whims met but cold enough that no emotional needs were ever met. Hence, Maddie’s shitty marriage and Buck’s desperation for validation.  AND it would explain their sweet-ass apartments in fucking LA on civil servant salaries.  (I’m a teacher in CA, I know of what I speak.). 

So Buck has a trust fund that he basically never touches beyond a little for a nice apartment and when he bought his car.  And secretly pays part of Carla’s salary.  And when he bought and built the skateboard.  But anyway!  Buck is willing to do anything to keep Eddie and Chris with him.  So his first inclination is to just throw money at Eddie.

But Eddie doesn’t want his money!  And anyway that won’t work because if the COVID crisis lasts too long then Eddie might need to quit.  And the unemployment insurance isn’t the same as what he currently has.  And [I don’t know something about grants and funds for Chris’s therapies and tuition because he’s a county/city employee and if he goes on leave then he won’t get it. I’m just making all this shit up here but roll with it].  Even if Eddie went on leave and moved to El Paso it won’t alleviate the problems OR his fear that his parents will take Christopher away.

That’s when Buck has his brilliant idea!  HE CAN TAKE LEAVE!  He can take unpaid leave and will be fine.  Buck will stay with Christopher at Eddie’s place and Eddie can stay at Buck’s place.

Just picture Eddie’s face as it goes from angry at his lack of options to confused at What the hell is Buck talking about to the heart eyes at this mother fucking savior who loves his kid that much!

So that’s how Buck ends up taking care of Christopher.  They FaceTime Eddie every single night without fail.  And will even have Sunday pancakes together.  Buck sets up a card table at the end of the driveway and Eddie’s eats there while Buck and Chris eat on the front porch.  Don’t worry!  Buck uses gloves and lots of bleach on the table every time he touches it.  Chris loves LOVES loves being with his Buck but he misses his dad every day.  But Buck is good at giving him hugs and letting him cry it out.  Because tears are okay and so is feeling sad.  We just have to acknowledge our feelings and make room for the good feelings with the bad ones.

Eddie and Buck talk on the phone every night after Chris’s FaceTime call with Eddie.  And there’s other plot feelings that will happen here.  [Insert blah blah blah]

Maybe Eddie accidentally finds Buck’s dildo.  Whoops!  And maybe, just maybe this leads to a sexy, flirty conversation about being bi (both of them).  And then perhaps we get some phone sex.

But nothing else changes at first!  Buck thinks maybe this is just another part of this whole quarantine thing.  He can’t go out and find anyone.  Eddie can’t go out and find anyone.  And he loves their talks at the end of each day.  Now they come with bonus orgasms.  Woot!  EVEN BETTER!

Then maybe they move from phone sex to FaceTime sex.  And that’s even better!  Because now Buck can see how Eddie bites his lip right before he comes.  And Eddie loves the way Buck flushes all down his neck and chest.

Eventually some feelings talk starts to slip in.  Buck isn’t just good at listening and comforting Chris when he cries.  But Eddie breaks too.  He just misses his son so much and wants to hug him and feel his soft curls.  He wants to hug Buck.  This is just so lonely.  He’s still working and with the 118 but it isn’t the same without Buck, without Christopher’s smile at the beginning of every day.

And then, eventually, the shelter-in-place is lifted and Eddie can come home!  But maybe Buck should stay a few more nights for Christopher’s sake.  Yeah, of course.  For Christopher.  And he’s just so used to sleeping in Eddie’s bed.  So he should stay there, right?

Insert sexy-times here.

YAY relationship and love confessions!

And then the second wave hits.  And Buck doesn’t even hesitate to take a leave of absence to care for Chris again.  Only this time he’s out of leave.  He doesn’t care about getting paid (because of trust fund).  But he’ll lose his benefits (because of America).  So Eddie proposes!  Buck says no at first because he doesn’t want to get married for convenience purposes.  So Eddie has to find his words which is still not easy for Eddie.  Luckily, Chris is adorable and helps them both out!

So MARRIAGE!  Benefits for all!  Buck officially has rights to Christopher if anything happens to Eddie!  Eddie has his husband and his son and they love each other!  Happy ending for all, especially once a vaccine is invented and it works and anti-vaxxers don’t exist so yay!  Everything works out.

And this is my not-fic that maybe I will fully write one day.  But really I like to just thought-spew my fic ideas.

[holidaywishes]

Embers XV

Chapter XV: the (non) moment

  Summary of series: Katie moves from Peachtree, Georgia, to L.A. with her son, Alex to start fresh after the death of her husband. When she meets Evan Buckley, a young firefighter, she falls fast but will her son be so quick to accept Evan into his life?

   Summary of chapter: Alex hosts a sleepover with mediocre results; Katie fields insults from the PTA moms

  Warning: some angst, some fluff but that’s about it

  Author’s Note: I was going to stop this series at fifteen chapters but it felt weird but going up to 20 felt like too many -- so the compromise is 18 chapters. So, in the next little bit, I’ll be posting these last three chapters. I’m so excited that the show is back and that we get to learn a bit more about Evan and his family -- hopefully, that means I’ll have some more inspiration when it comes to writing. Hope you all enjoy this short chapter! Stay golden <3

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

Katie’s P.O.V

  You felt like a chicken with its head cut off as you ran around your house trying to get ready for when Alex’s classmates showed up. They were dropped off by the dozen, accompanied by mile long lists from their mothers; who upon seeing you and Marie were the only adults around were hesitant to leave.

  “Your kids will be fine!” Marie exclaimed

  “And who are you?” one of the moms asked snidely

  “Marie,” she replied, “I work with Katie”

  “I see...” the mom sneered, “and do you know anything about taking care of children?”

  “I have my babysitting license!” Marie teased, “or at least I did when I was in high school. I took care of my baby cousins all the time and they’re doing great”

  “Alright, Marie...” you interjected before things got too out of control, “why don’t you go help mom in the kitchen, mmkay?” She nodded in response before glaring at the pack of moms who had been interrogating her, “I promise, ladies, we’re going to have a lot of fun tonight. Plus, if anything happens, Evan will be here” you smiled as you directed their eyes to your boyfriend who was busy trying to figure out to set up a board game

  “Maybe we should just stay a while?” one said

  “Just to make sure?” another added

  “I don’t think that’s necessary...” you tried but it was clear to you they weren’t going to leave, even when they saw Eddie come in with Christopher. You took a deep breath before heading over to check on Evan and help get all the kids settled, “they’re staying...” you whispered to Evan, nodding in the PTA moms direction

  “Don’t worry,” he smiled, “I’ll be here. Everything will be fine.” He kissed your cheek and you smiled in return; After a few games, and realizing that it was still too early to call it a night, you decided it was time to have a bit of a dance party, putting on your most kid friendly playlist. It didn’t take much for the kids to get excited and start to wear themselves out but when Alex and Christopher tried to coax you and Marie to dance, you looked over at the moms; sighing deeply as they glared at you

  “Hey!” Marie whispered with a smile, “dance with your son. Don’t pay attention to them”

  “Fine” you laughed, taking your sons hand and twirling him around to start before the four of you began to bounce to the music, laughing at how much fun the two boys were having but you couldn’t ignore the whispers from the PTA moms

  “What’s she trying to prove?”

  “I bet she does this when we’re not around”

  “It’s not appropriate”

  “Especially around the single dads...”

  “I think she acts cheap”

  “I think she’s a bad role model for our children”

  You couldn’t tell if they knew you could hear them or believed that they were whispering quietly but you took a deep breath before you walked past them and into the kitchen to check on the food, “how’s everything going mom?” you asked, Evan coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist

  “Good, I was just about to bring everything out” she smiled, handing some plates to Marie and Eddie

  “I need to talk to you...” Evan whispered

  “What’s up?”

  “I have to go in to work” he winced

  “What? No!” you whined

  “I know, I’m sorry...” he sighed, “they needed someone to fill in and Eddie already said he took the day off.”

  “Alright...” you groaned, rubbing his arms before wrapping your arms around his waist, “if you have to, you have to. We’ll be fine here.”

  “You sure?” he asked

  “Yeah!” you replied, “Eddie’s here to help out because I’m sure Marie will leave soon”

  “Okay,” he said with a closed smile, “I’m sorry. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.” You pecked his lips and sent him on his way before finding the kids in front of the TV; you sat down on the couch watching them eat the food your mom had cooked while the PTA crowd silently judged. As the kids settled down, the moms decided to head out but not before giving you a few last words

  “Katie...” one started, placing a hand on your shoulder, “don’t feel like you can’t call us if things get out of control”

  “Thank you, Sylvie,” you smiled politely, “but I’ll be fine. The kids are great. No trouble at all”

  “All she means,” another interjected, “is we know sleepovers can be a lot. Especially when kids have so many different needs or restrictions”

  “I know,” you kept your fake smile plastered on your face as the women in front of you tried to undermine you, “but, trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

  “We just don’t want you to be in over your head, you know?” another added

  “Why would she be in over her head?” Eddie asked, seemingly coming to your rescue, and you noticed the moms perk up at his appearance

  “Oh Eddie!” they all cooed

  “There’s just a lot of kids for one person” Sylvie continued

  “Well,” Eddie smiled, “she’s not just one person. I’m here. Her mom is here. Marie is here”

  “Actually, no,” Marie said quietly as she tried to sneak away, “Marie won’t be here. But that doesn’t mean Katie is alone. Plus, the kids really like her so I know she’d be fine even if it was just her”

  “Bye, Marie” you smiled, hugging your friend before turning back to the group in front of you

  “Look, we love that our kids love you. They relate more to you than to us because of your age,” Sylvie admitted, “but after what happened to you and Alex... we’re just nervous leaving them here.” Your eyes grew wide at her confession, slowly taking in that this is how they felt, when you felt Eddie’s hand on your back

  “I understand,” you finally said, “but I can promise that won’t happen again.”

  “And that wasn’t her fault” Eddie added, rubbing your back to comfort you and it seemed like they didn’t want to argue with him so they walked away.

  “Thank you, Eddie,” you smiled, turning on your heels to walk back into the house, “they’ve never liked me”

  “Their just threatened by you”

  “Oh I’m so sure” you laughed, sitting beside your son to watch whatever was on the screen. After a while, the kids had fallen asleep in their sleeping bags and you were left with Eddie while your mom slept in your room; the two of you jumping up from where you were when you heard a noise in the yard

  “Stay here” Eddie insisted

  “What?!” you exclaimed

  “Stay with the kids” he repeated and you fell back to where the kids were but you couldn’t help feeling your heartbeat faster with each second that Eddie wasn’t coming back. When you heard a bang outside you ran to the door, coming face to face with your boyfriends best friend, “everything okay?” he asked, probably noticing your shallow breathing

  “Sorry...” you replied, forcing yourself to pull your eyes away from his, “I just.. heard something and I was worried.”

  “I just knocked over the trash can,” he confessed, “there was nobody out there. I didn’t see anyone hurt either, so the noise must have just been the wind.”

  “Okay,” you said with a smile, “that’s good then.”

xx

Eddie’s P.O.V

  You weren’t sure what the moment meant, if it even was a moment, but Katie was sure to dismiss it all and you tried to do the same; but it was something that kept running through your mind

  “Katie?” you whispered

  “Mhmm” she hummed, playing with Alex’s hair as she started to fall asleep

  “Should we talk about what happened?”

  “What do you mean? The trash can?”

  “No...” you sighed, “the... moment”

  “Moment?” she questioned, peering over the arm of the couch to you, “what moment?”

  “At the door, with the eye contact”

  “Eddie...” she whispered, “there was no moment”

  “I’m not trying to make it into something,” you added, “I just thought we should talk about it.. in case it came up again”

  “Okay,” she said, dropping her eyes and you could tell she was thinking about something, “I was worried about you, I told you that. After I heard the noise.. I’m just a little skittish still you know? I wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all. When I saw you at the door, I was relieved that you were alright.”

  “Okay” you added

  “I didn’t mean to make it seem like there was something else...” she continued

  “I know you love Buck,” you said quietly, so to not wake up the kids, “and I know that we don’t have those feelings for each other...”

  “But you wanted to address it and I appreciate that,” she smiled, “you’re a good friend, Eddie, to me and to Evan. I respect everything you do for me and Alex, I mean you saved my life...”

  “I did my job”

  “You saved my life,” she repeated, “and I couldn’t let you get hurt, I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt trying to save me again.”

  “So the moment was a non moment?” you asked with a smile

  “Exactly.” She smiled once more before leaning her head back against the arm of the couch. You woke up the next morning shortly before everyone else and quietly tried to clean up because you knew the moms would be coming to pick up the kids soon but not before they all came screaming into the kitchen as Katie groggily followed in with Christopher by her side

  “You know what, Chris?” she said with a smile, “you’re my favourite.”

  “Thanks” he smiled, leading you to reflect that same smile on your face. When the doorbell rang, signalling the moms arrival, you and Katie went in to say goodbye to all the kids; but when none of them even acknowledged Katie, you rolled your eyes

  “What?” she scoffed

  “They could’ve at least thanked you or said goodbye or something...”

  “Eddie...” she laughed, “it’s fine. We survived the sleepover. Everything was good. They don’t like me, I don’t really care. What I care about is that the kids had a good time and I would say they did.” You agreed with a nod and started to pack up Chris’ bag so the two of you could get going. You were glad you had brought up the “non moment,” even if it was a little bit awkward, but now you had to wonder -- do you tell Evan or do you keep it between you and Katie?

[the-one-eighteen]

Okay for the prompt request, how about Buck plans a picnic with Eddie and Chris and they're once again mistaken for a couple? Bonus point if it leads to love confession and a first kiss (and no pressure if you don't feel like writing this, okay?)

Thank you so much for the prompt, and sorry for the delay! Hope you like it ^^

I Don’t Want Them to be Wrong

(read on ao3)

Buck couldn’t ask for a better day. The sun was shining without burning everything to a crisp, the park was busy without being crowded, they’d managed to find a perfect spot under a couple of trees - close enough to the playground that Chris could easily make it without help, but out of the way enough that they weren’t in any danger of being trampled on by excited kids or harried parents - and...well, he was out and about with his two favorite people.

The day honestly couldn’t get much better.

Eddie had given him a bit of a weird look when he’d suggested the picnic about a week ago. But Buck was smart, and had suggested it in front of Chris, who was immediately on board and helped him convince Eddie that it was a great idea without much prompting. He was pretty sure it was physically impossible for Eddie to say no to Chris over fun, easy stuff.

No one ever said he had to play fair when it came to Eddie.

And now, here they were, and even Eddie had to admit this was a good idea when he saw Chris light up, saw the spot Buck had picked out, and saw the food Buck had put together and just…

Yeah, it was a good idea, and Buck was a little proud of himself, honestly.

They’d needed a day out. Eddie’d been complaining about the never ending stream of take out he’d been having to get lately, and how, with it being summer, Carla and his family were having to watch Chris more, and while they were all great and wonderful, there was only so much they could do with an excited eight year old who didn’t have school and homework as a distraction.

Buck hadn’t thought of a picnic originally - it wasn’t generally his go-to, which tended more towards beer, pizza and video games, because, honestly? He didn’t need a whole lot, if he was spending the day with Eddie and Chris. Hell, he’d probably be happy with just hanging out on their couch for a couple hours, he was that far into it.

But Eddie had just looked so...upset, about the fact that Chris was bored out of his mind, and Eddie...hadn’t really been able to do anything to help relieve that boredom lately.

He might have also gone to Hen for suggestions.

Hen had given him a weird look - she’d been giving him a lot of those lately actually - before just shaking her head and suggesting one of the parks her and Karen took Denny to when the summer blues hit.

So, yeah. Picnic.

Eddie was currently stretched out beside him on the blanket, leaning back on his arms and watching Chris play, a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose, and a little dab of sunscreen there too, from where he’d been trying to cover Chris and Chris had been having none of it.

Buck kind of wants to tell him it’s there. Kind of wants to see how long it’ll take him to notice.

The sandwiches Buck had made are already long gone, a couple snacks still laid out here and there for when Chris decides he wants to come back.

They’re in absolutely no rush, and Buck is just enjoying the moment. He’s stretched out on his back, hands behind his head, enjoying the heat and the sounds of laughing kids and parents, and, honestly, if he wasn’t feeling so bright and full, he’d probably doze off, just absolutely content with life.

“...Thanks. For this.” Eddie murmurs a little while later, and Buck blinks slightly as his brain comes back online. Maybe he did doze off there for a moment. Whoops.

“Huh? Oh, of course man.” He grins up at Eddie, cheeky and bright. “You looked absolutely miserable last week. Had to do something.”

And Eddie looks at him, sunglasses making it impossible to actually decipher his expression. “No, you really didn’t.” And Buck doesn’t really get that, feels himself frowning, “But I’m glad you did.” And Eddie smiles down at him - that small, surprised one that he so rarely shows that makes Buck’s heart skip a beat or two every time he manages to tease it out.

And then he’s looking back towards the playground, and Buck gets a moment to just. Breathe. In through his nose, out through his mouth.

Calm down.

It’s something he has to tell himself a lot these days.

Calm down, when Eddie invites him to stay the night ‘cause they’ve been watching movies and it’s now midnight and there’s no point in him going home at that hour. Calm down, when Eddie tells him Chris misses him and he should come over soon. Calm down, when Eddie accepts invitations to his place for just the two of them for a night. Calm down, when Eddie asks if he can pick up Chris from school, or from his abuela’s because he’s picking up the end of a shift and knows Buck will without hesitation.

Calm down, when Eddie smiles at him, laughs with him.

Calm the fuck down, when Eddie does...anything.

It doesn’t ever really work, but he says it a lot. Likes to think it keeps him from doing something stupid.

“Daddy!” Chris calls, causing Buck to glance over, even if Eddie’s already on it.

“Yeah, buddy?” Eddie calls back, pushing himself up to actually sit.

“Can we get ice cream?” Chris asks, clearly already set to start heading for the ice cream cart that Buck had clocked when they’d gotten there.

Eddie frowns slightly, exaggeratedly, pretending to think on it for a moment.

Chris just huffs and turns to look at Buck instead, “Buck, can we get ice cream?” which causes Eddie to bust out laughing, and Buck just grins and shakes his head.

“Not how that works buddy. Good try though.” Buck says, even as Eddie mutters something about kids too smart for their own good.

Chris pouts a bit, but Eddie’s already throwing his hands up in defeat, “Go over and tell the nice lady what you want. We’ll be right there.” And Chris is off as fast as his little legs can carry him.

“Come on, let’s get over there before he orders more than he can carry…” Eddie says, trying for grumpy and put out, but Buck can see the smile, so he just shoves Eddie when he tries to get up, laughing when Eddie sprawls out with a squawk and a curse too low for any close by parents to be offended.

“You good there, Diaz?” Buck asks, smile as innocent as he can make it. Eddie’s not buying it for a second, if the look he shoots him is anything to go by, and Buck guesses he’s got about two seconds before Eddie tackles him in retaliation, so he’s up on his feet and gone in one. The shout that follows him as Eddie goes sprawling again just proves him right.

He laughs to himself, slowing down a good couple of feet from the cart, where Chris is waiting patiently, a frozen orange pop already in hand. “Looks good buddy, why don’t you go help your dad up while I pay?”

Chris beams at him and bolts back the way he came. Buck looks back long enough to see Eddie scoop up an excitedly shrieking Chris a moment later, both of them laughing and spinning around, enough that Buck’s vaguely worried about Chris losing his popsicle.

“He’s adorable. And incredibly polite. You two are doing a good job with him.” The woman behind the cart says and Buck blinks, glancing back over, what he’s sure is a dumb grin still in place.

“What? Oh, uh-” This isn’t the first someone’s mistaken them for...for more than what they are. Isn’t the first time Buck’s heart has flipped over itself at the very idea. “Thank you. He’s a good kid.” And she smiles kindly, and he orders two chocolate pops for him and Eddie and pays for all three with a thank you before heading back to their blanket, where Eddie’s losing at trying to keep Chris clean.

And, maybe, just maybe, it’s a little selfish, that he doesn’t correct them, every time it comes up. But the very idea of being able to call Chris his, of being able to call Eddie his...going along with it for one moment, just a moment where he can smile and be loud and proud about what he supposedly has…

It’s never hurt anyone, and it takes less time than explaining that no, they’re not together, no, Chris isn’t his, and yes, it hurts every single time he has to come back down to reality.

So.

Yeah.

He drops back down on the blanket, offering over the popsicle to Eddie, who just looks at him, utterly defeated, while Chris grins at him, smile orange and sticky and so, so bright.

“Give up Eddie. We’ll soak ‘em with the hose when we get home.” And Buck can feel his face heating up as his jaw snaps shut. He didn’t mean to say that, sneaking a look at Eddie to see if he noticed.

Thankfully it doesn’t look like it, as Eddie just sighs and takes the popsicle that’s being offered, giving up on getting a napkin to Chris’ face. “He needs a bath anyway…”

Chris finishes his popsicle in record time after that, muttering that Eddie and Buck eat too slow before asking if he can go play again. Eddie makes one last attempt at wiping his face off, but Chris is too hyper now to really sit still for it, though Buck will give it to him that he tries. For a second.

“Fine, fine, ya little sugar demon. Go burn off that energy.” Eddie says, shooing a now laughing Chris off towards the playground.

Buck tosses his popsicle stick into their small bag of trash, laying back to rest his head on his hands again, watching Chris with a smile as Eddie goes quiet. God, he just wants this day to last forever.

“Why do you never correct them?” Eddie asks after a long couple of minutes. He’s still sitting crosslegged next to Buck, and in theory, he’s watching the playground, but who the hell knew with those sunglasses that Buck was starting to hate. His popsicle is mostly forgotten in his hand, melting onto a napkin in front of him while his arms rest on his knees.

Buck doesn’t get what he’s asking at first, frowning and pushing himself up to his hands, “Correct them?”

“When people assume Chris is ours.” Eddie says, still not really looking over, though Buck has a sneaking suspicion he’s watching Buck out of the corners of his eyes.

But Buck’s not really concerned with that right now.

No, no, he’s mainly concerned with the fact that it seems his stomach has suddenly relocated to his knees, and he’s pretty sure that’s not where it’s supposed to be.

“Uh…” Okay, think. Calm down and think. “...It’s faster to just agree?” Buck tries, hating how his voice goes a little shaky.

And there’s a pause. A long one that has the hair on the back of Buck’s neck standing on edge.

“...Oh.” Is all Eddie says though, his shoulders slumping slightly. And Buck can feel his gaze going back to the playground, even if he can’t actually see it.

...What the ever loving hell was he supposed to do with that?

He sits up completely then, moving to sit crosslegged in a mirror of Eddie, just eyeing him for a long moment. Eddie’s not...avoiding his look, but he’s definitely pretending like he doesn’t notice, if the sudden tension he can see in his shoulders is anything to go by.

Buck’s stomach is back where it’s supposed to be, but now his heart is beating double time as the very possibility starts worming its way into his mind. Was Eddie...disappointed?

Calm down. There had to be another explanation.

Calm down. But what could it be?

Calm down before you do something stu- “And…” Buck begins, slowly, testing the words in his mind over and over again before he actually lets them out, “I really like the idea.” He hesitates, before adding, softer, “I don’t want them to be wrong.”

And Buck’s like. Ninety percent certain Eddie’s stopped breathing. Which, you know, is only fair, since Buck’s holding his breath now too, waiting for Eddie to respond.

It’s quiet between them for long enough for Buck to go a little light headed before Eddie sets down what’s left of the popsicle. He reaches up to pull off his sunglasses, finally looking at Buck.

Really looking. Intense eyes bore into Buck for another long moment and it’s all Buck can do not to look away. Look away from this, whatever this turns out to be.

And then Eddie’s face breaks into a smile - one Buck’s never seen, but one that immediately takes his breath away, it’s so damn bright. Well, looks like he has a new favorite smile. Or, you know, he could just stick to loving all of them. That works too.

“I really like the idea too.” Eddie says, almost shyly, and Buck just...he needs to do something stupid. Again.

He leans in to press a kiss to Eddie’s lips, grins when he feels Eddie lean into it immediately, only for them to have to break apart way too soon because they’re both grinning too hard for it to work. Both of their smiles are a little stupid as they laugh softly,

“Maybe try that again?” Eddie asks, and Buck has to actually school his face so he doesn’t laugh again before he’s leaning back in to steal an actual kiss, all sweet intensity and soft breath, and it damn near takes his breath away when Eddie shifts just enough to slot them together just right.

Yeah, Buck couldn’t ask for a better day.