#choices were made for my own wellbeing lmao

[deltoidlover]

chilling with the boys pinterest redraw number #563, i will continue to churn these out when i'm art blocked until the ocean dries up and the last tree's leaf falls

[aureatchi]

⛇₊˚ .࿐₊˚✧ BUBBLES IN MY CHAMPAGNE, LET IT BE SOME JAZZ PLAYIN’ . . .OSAMU DAZAI

⟢ SYNOPSIS. the port-mafia was infamous for throwing glamorous holiday parties every year. not only were you attending this time, but you were also finally going to be introduced as the port-mafia boss’ pretty girlfriend! or…that was the plan.

of course, things never go according to plan.

a/n. merry christmas !! adding onto the xmas dazai fics jdjsjwn <3 this one’s vv chaotic.

info. fem!reader. pm boss!dazai. pm exec!reader. fluff, angst, pinch of sugg. there’s DRAMA. mentions of drinking. lil jealousy. dazai is a 💩. the pm is filthy rich lmao. pazenia is a made up country. wc. 3.4k

“Oh my.”

“How do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful.”

The brunette chuckled as he waltzed towards you. You saw him appear behind you through the sizeable full-body mirror, wrapping his arms around your waist as you finished applying your lipstick.

“It looks even better on you.” Dazai’s fingers wandered playfully, tracing the curves the red dress he gifted you hugged so well. The tailoring was so impressive—the dress could fit noone else but you. And indeed, it was made exclusively for you, for the largest and most luxe corporate event of the year.

It was the Port Mafia Christmas party. Everyone was required to attend, and plus-ones were allowed too, stirring even more chaos into the affair. You were a Port Mafia executive—of course you were going, but the night was going to be unique for another reason.

Tonight, the Port Mafia boss would confirm all the rumors…all the gossip circulating the past few months. He was finally making your relationship with him official in front of everyone.

As if everyone still doesn’t know.

Yet you were nervous. Keeping things an enigma actually worked in your favor—besides suspicious stares with muffled voices and jealous women, you didn’t have to worry about much. Dazai would take care of any problem. After all, you trusted him completely.

But now, everyone would know. You and Dazai had gone through all the downsides—you could become a potential target for any enemies, your name would rise even higher on the wanted list, and you could be stalked by frustrated, jealous men…honestly, you two were almost too hot for your own wellbeing.

Just almost, because “I’ll take care of it all. I’ll make sure nothing ever hurts you, darling.”

He whispered those words into your ear, sensing your anxiousness as you continued to look at your reflections.

“Please don’t worry.”

He did not speak in his usual teasing, playfully amorous voice. The brunette’s face matched the seriousness of the topic you had both gone over multiple times, making sure that the other wanted to still go through with it. You both didn’t want to force the decision of your relationship upon the other—though it was Dazai who had suggested the idea, the choice rested entirely on you. He ensured you knew you could change your mind anytime you wanted.

And Dazai wished you could see that he truly, would go to the ends of universes to make sure you were safe.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “I won’t,” you replied. “I’m only worried about you. I need to be by your side at all times to fight any bad guys that come for you.”

And girls. If you were being honest, you always felt a bit sick thinking about other women wanting him. Maybe this is why your nerves hadn’t backed you out yet…you wanted everyone to know their leader was indeed taken.

Dazai laughed more heartily than he intended to at the comment. He, the now Port Mafia superior commander, known even before as the Demon Prodigy, was being talked to in concern that he needed a sidekick to help him.

Though, he was also the same man whose mind was full of fervor for one girl. You giggled, seeing the apparent blush on Dazai’s face when you fixed his black tie. He was matching with you, of course—his red attire was the ruby scarf.

“Perfect,” you mused when you were done. “Wow, you’re handsome.“

“And you’re ethereal,” Dazai responded, putting on your coat. “Ready to go shock everyone?”

“As if half of the mafia doesn’t already suspect anything between us, Osamu,” you smiled.

“Hmm…you’re right.

“Of course they’d think I’d sought after the prettiest woman in the world.” A coy grin snuck back onto his lips.

…

It was evident your lover had good taste, not only in outfits. He chose to rent out one of the big hotels as the venue for the party—very fitting for the filthy-rich organization.

The first thing you noticed when you stepped out of the limo was the massive Christmas tree in the center of the hall.

“Woah.” There were at least fifty gifts under it already.

You noticed Dazai’s brows suddenly furrow as he, too, inspected the presents.

“Osamu?”

“Bella, remind me who this person is again.”

He picked up a present, showing you a familiar name.

“Oh!” He was the assistant under your wing. You two had worked together for years—you had built up a lot of trust and a friendship to have him in charge of some of your responsibilities.

“I see. Don’t mind that; I forget some of my men sometimes.”

You nodded, though you felt a bit unsure about his response. Regardless, you cast the thought aside.

What you didn’t notice was the way Dazai showed you the package. The present was from your assistant, but the name it was for was entirely covered by the brunette’s hand.

“Well, are you ready to go in?” Dazai asked, holding out a hand towards you.

“Yeah, I’m-”

“Dazai!”

It was Kouyou, another executive. She saw you and greeted you, too.

“My, you’re looking lovely today,” she chirped. “So you and the boss are dating.”

You smiled. “Yes.”

“Well, better tell everyone soon,” she told the both of you. “Dazai, a daughter of a very infamous organization in Europe, is at this party as a plus-one. She wants to discuss a business proposal…‘as soon as possible,’ she said. It’s confidential, too; she only wants you. Do you have a few moments to spare?”

Dazai immediately turned toward you, to which you nodded at him. “It seems important, especially if she’s from Europe.”

“You’re sure?” Dazai asked. You were supposed to walk into the dining hall together to introduce yourselves as the power couple of the evening. “What about…”

“Yeah, the mafia is the priority. I’ll find you soon.” You were an executive, after all. The mafia existed to protect Yokohama City, so work should be an urgency.

“Alright,” he replied. He took another look at you—a singular, amber eye softened once he met your gaze. The other was hidden behind bandages, and so were the emotions of his heart. You couldn’t tell what he was feeling at the moment.

“Let’s go, big sis.” He turned towards Kouyou, who led him out of the room.

Now alone, not counting the guards, you glanced at the presents again, picking up the one Dazai had previously questioned you about.

Oh! Your assistant gave you a present. You found it sweet; your assistant hadn’t gifted you anything until this year. Now Dazai’s reaction made sense—perhaps he had thought you had a secret admirer or something. You giggled at his assumed jealousy.

…

You walked inside the dining hall by yourself, a large crowd already entertaining themselves inside. Everyone who saw you stopped to greet you—their executive, and you wished them a merry Christmas back with a friendly smile.

“Huh? So she’s not dating him?”

You turned your head the slightest, pretending to grab a drink while you instead eavesdropped on two employees you hardly knew. Thank goodness they weren’t the ones going out on missions to spy—they were terrible at not being obvious.

“I’m not sure. But that underground aristocrat from Europe that everyone knows has a crush on the boss showed up to meet him. That huge Christmas tree by the staircases is actually a gift from her.”

“Really?! So…maybe she was the boss’ plus-one? Now that’s wild. Everyone really had me believing he was seeing the executive.”

“Yo!” Your attention was suddenly pulled from their conversation.

“You good? You’re overflowing your cup.” You had poured too much drink, so liquid was running all over the floor.

“Shoot, I think she heard us!” you faintly heard behind you as the employees moved away.

“Oh, yeah. I’m so sorry,” you responded to your assistant who had found you. He handed you a few napkins to clean your hands and dropped a few more to mop the floor with his shoe.

“You didn’t need to help, and thank you,” you said as you cleaned up, too, feeling bad.

“All good! Merry Christmas, by the way. How’s your evening going so far?”

“Good, thank you,” you responded, half-truthful. You needed to find somewhere to process what you had just heard. Even if they were only rumors…they bothered you.

“I saw you got me a gift in the lobby,” you added, recalling earlier. “I was surprised! You haven’t done that before, so I found it so sweet.”

“Oh yeah!” he replied, and you didn’t miss the pink that tinted his cheeks. “Who knows…I may have had a change of heart this year.”

You chuckled innocently. “Well, whatever the reason, thank you! I’m excited to see what you got.”

“Of course. I do hope you like it! Also, your dress. It looks good on you.” His voice sped up at his last comment.

“Oh, uh, thanks-”

That was really awkward. You gave him mercy, though…you hadn’t even told him you were in a relationship. So, you tried to say to him that it was your boyfriend, Dazai, who had the dress made for you, but you were cut off.

Dazai had finally entered the room, but he was accompanied by that noblewoman everyone was speaking about.

Wow, she was gorgeous. Her hair was in a perfect blowout, and she wore an emerald green dress that fit her like a glove.

And with each step Dazai and this new woman took into the hall to be regarded by everyone, your heart sank a bit more into your stomach.

What??

“You don’t look so well. Are you okay?” Your assistant paid no mind to the mafia boss’ new commotion. He was wholly concerned for you.

“Yeah. This drink tastes weird, but I can’t put my finger on what.” Yet, you took another sip. What was going on? You had never doubted Dazai’s love or loyalty toward you. Had you been so blind by your own to miss this?

Dazai didn’t even bother trying to search for you. And the way the lady’s arm touchingly clung around his infuriated you.

“He was seeing some foreign princess all along?”

“The boss always has to cause a scene with something new.”

“They’re kind of hot together, though.”

Now you really wanted to puke. You stared until the noblewoman’s eyes finally caught yours and dwelt on your figure briefly before turning toward Dazai and asking him something.

Dazai’s lips read, “Okay!” before a guard approached you.

“The boss is summoning all the executives to him,” he whispered in your ear, and you nodded, strolling over to him.

Fuck. You wanted to cry. Your heart was beating out of your chest.

You felt a bit better when the other executives—Kouyou and Chuuya showed up before you.

“Miss, these are the Port Mafia’s three executives.” He introduced you individually, not meeting your eye when he went to you.

You wanted to leave. There was no point in being here anymore. What you thought would be a cheery Christmas Eve turned out to be the worst night ever. It couldn’t have gotten any worse…

“And this is the Lady of Pazenia,” Dazai said, introducing the woman. “Our most important foreign guest tonight.”

“So, uh? I’m kinda confused,” Chuuya commented. “Mackerel boss, ya dating her or something?” He glanced at Dazai, the girl on him, and then you.

She responded for him. “We’re getting acquainted tonight, that’s all,” she replied smugly. Dazai chuckled. “Yes…we’ve communicated online a few times, but this is the first time we’re meeting face to face.”

What the fuck.

“Oh, uh, okay.” For once, Chuuya didn’t pester, didn’t tease anymore. Because he was just as startled as you. He, too, suspected that you were dating the boss.

“I’m sorry, will you please excuse me? It was nice meeting you, m’lady; I hope you enjoy your Christmas with the boss.” You didn’t even wait for a reply. You stormed off in the direction of your assistant. You were going to ask him to drive you home, and then you’d pack your things and then stay at a friend’s house for a few days to figure out what to do next.

Everything was crashing down like an avalanche.

But before you could get to him, the bastard’s subordinate stopped you.

“Akutagawa? Hi, Merry Christmas. Sorry, I’m in a rush-”

“Merry Christmas, miss,” he responded, moving in front of you again when you tried to shift over. “Aren’t you going to rescue the boss? Has your emotion clouded your rationality so much you can’t see things clearly anymore?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

You turned back towards the scene, and yeah—what you saw was your final straw. Akutagawa misjudged. Not even a glimmer of hope remained in you.

Somehow, they had ended up at the corner of the room. And lo and behold, Dazai and the Lady of Pazenia had ended up under the mistletoe, and many of the upper ranks surrounded them. There was even a Paparazzi.

You tried to push past Akutagawa, but he stopped you.

“Watch.”

Why? Did Dazai place him there to make sure you suffered through it all? This was so cruel. Tears welled up in your eyes as the room went quiet to watch.

“Oh! Silly me…how did I manage to get here?”

“I’m not sure…” the woman replied flirtatiously. “But you can’t break a tradition, boss of the Port Mafia.”

“I guess I can’t,” Dazai replied, leaning in. “But, can we make a deal, Miss?

“You can kiss me, but tell me where the real Lady of Pazenia is. The exact coordinates where you’re keeping her hostage. If there’s anyone kept in place to secure or torture her.”

And the crowd suddenly gasped. She did, too, and a hand flew to her mouth.

“Shit!”

About ten guards ran towards her, restraining her before she could do anything. Dazai calmly backed away, continuing to explain.

“The business proposal was crafty and would’ve led to our doom quite quickly. You’re trying to overthrow your own government. So, you devised a cover-up to get the mafia to help you, with a deal to help us on our end, but just like your original goal, you want our city’s government to fall into anarchy, too.

“An underground noblewoman. You are exactly that—quite literally.” Dazai sighed. “No, I’m not in a relationship with her, I…”

Dazai finally met your eye, and his heart immediately sunk seeing you cry.

“Oh my gosh,” he whispered, and he ran towards you, tightly embracing you.

You wanted to punch him, throw him away—something, but you were surrounded by half the corporate. There was already enough scandal tonight, you didn’t need to add any more.

“Hah, it’s okay,” you responded audibly, hastily wiping tears. “You’re a great actor, Osamu, really got me believing you were cheating on me for a second.” Words spurred out of your mouth—you hoped you wouldn’t regret it later.

Dazai’s grip on you tightened to silently show you gratitude before he turned to your audience. “Now that the problem is out of the way—Merry Christmas to you all.” A waiter handed him a glass of champagne, who had also gone around with multiple others to hand out drinks to everyone.

“And a special Merry Christmas to my girlfriend, right here.” He gave you a kind smile, and you tried your best to reciprocate your own. There were “awe”’s and “that’s so cute”’s about.

Dazai held his glass up towards everyone else’s before toasting with yours.

…

You stayed away from Dazai for the next hour. He respected your space for that long—in the meantime, you acted fine. You conversed with others, you laughed. Your assistant apologized for his comment on you earlier—“I was completely oblivious to you and the boss! I’m so sorry; I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.” You laughed it off, telling him it was okay.

“Hey, bella.”

Dazai had finally found you alone. You looked at him, facing the inevitable.

“I’m getting tired. Wanna sneak away with me?”

You hesitated. “Where would we go?”

“The drinks suck here, besides that champagne. I know Chuuya was definitely not in charge of this part.”

You had to agree with that one. You couldn’t even finish the glass you overfilled earlier.

…

Bar Lupin was surprisingly empty that night. The bar was Dazai’s safe place, his getaway. You were constantly reminded of his genuine, complete trust in you whenever he took you here.

“I’m sorry,” Dazai apologized as you waited for your drinks. “What I did was brutal.”

“It really fucking hurt,” you said, finally able to release your true feelings now that nobody else was around.

“I had to keep up the act to expose her. Her vulnerability was that…she had a crush on me? So, the most rapid way to gain her trust was to make her believe she had a chance. She didn’t know I was seeing someone.”

“You take acting too seriously. You’re the Port Mafia boss, not some goddamn movie actor. You couldn’t even…make eye contact with me? Give me a reassuring look or something?”

“You’re right. That’s no excuse.” He took a breath. He had actually messed something up. He could predict and do everything else flawlessly until it came to the people he loved.

He always screwed it up.

“I set aside our relationship for a mission. I’m really sorry, love. And I understand if it takes awhile for you to think through it all. The only thing I ask is for forgiveness.”

“I dunno…it kind of seems like you enjoyed it…”

That was a lie. You were just saying things out of spite now. You had rethought the previous events after recalling what Akutagawa had harshly told you without context—rescue the boss? Yeah, Dazai clearly didn’t enjoy it. He never touched the woman back in any way, and his word choice was very cautious. Except one line.

“Us communicating online? Yeah, I knew she’d just go along with it. I had to say that so Chuuya would stop pushing and blow my cover. Besides, you literally have my email login, darling. You see everything.”

“I really hate you sometimes, Osamu, you know?” you muttered as the bartender finally handed you two your drinks. You took a thirsty sip out of yours. You couldn’t even stay mad anymore.

“Is that your way of saying you forgive me?” he chuckled, knowing the mood was lightening.

“No. You’re just too…attractive. Like, why are you so hot? All the girls want you…I was actually quite relieved when you asked me if we should make things official so everyone could finally know that we belong to each other…”

Hah, if only you knew.

“You don’t assume I think the same? You almost pissed me off by hanging around your little assistant, too, belladonna. He clearly fancies you.”

You gulped, remembering his earlier compliment. “Don’t do anything to him—he didn’t know. He does now.”

“He better,” he simply replied. “And everyone else. There’s no excuse now—you’re the Port Mafia boss’ girlfriend.”

You felt like there were butterflies in your stomach. The protectiveness was attractive. You pulled on Dazai’s tie, reeling the rest of him towards you.

“And you’re my boyfriend,” you smiled.

To everyone else, Dazai was known as evil, suicidal, murderer, demon, saint. But to you, he was simply Osamu. Your boyfriend. And perhaps that’s what he loved most of all. Across universes, you would not fail him—not even Odasaku succeeded so highly.

“Are you going to kiss me, bella?” Dazai asked, the signature smile back on his face.

“No,” you teased, pushing him back. “I’m still mad at you. Nothing went according to plan.”

“Nothing did,” the brunette replied. “But isn’t that what’s so exciting about life? Life is unexpected, yet some good things can come out of it, such as…”

He revealed a piece of mistletoe in his hand, holding it above you two.

“Even if you’re mad, you can’t break a tradition,” Dazai spoke, swinging the plant back and forth.

You sighed before you both leaned in to kiss each other. Dazai pulled you onto his lap, and you kissed him even more feverishly. Your hands ran through his hair until the bandage around his head finally came undone, unveiling the rest of his pretty face.

You focused on his dilated, honey-colored eyes. Finally, they revealed what he was feeling. Comfort in having you in his arms again. In your warmth.

Everything felt too intense after that. He had started making out with you again, his hands were wandering you curiously, the dim lighting, the jazz instrumental, how tipsy you felt from the drinks…

“Let’s just go home.”

…

You were swaddled in Dazai’s arms under the bed's covers at home. So sleepy. Dazai promised that the next day would treat the both of you better—a peaceful Christmas gift.

“Let’s stop doing such large parties,” you said, looking up at the ceiling. “It just calls for trouble, to be honest.”

“Yeah…we’ll have a small houseparty next time. Everyone else can do what they want.”

You were gently kissed on the forehead before the brunette softly whispered to you. “Merry Christmas, belladonna. I love you.”

“I love you too, Osamu.”

dazai told me he’d kiss u if u rb this. rbs are cherished; they are ur christmas gift to me! <3

tags: @kissesmellow21 @osaemu @ruanais + @lovedazai @chuuyrr @anqelically (i think u guys would like this <3)

© AUREATCHI 2023. no reposts or translations. do not steal. support banner + animated divider by cafekitsune. heart lights divider by benkeibear. manga header made by me - DO NOT save/use.

[crybabyddl]

Looking Sharp

Part 2

Keith Kogane x Fem!Reader

Warning: smut, knife play, degradation, praise, dirty talk, swearing. Please do not interact with this content if you are not 18+

Author’s Note: happy keithtober, happy kinktober let’s fucking gooooo

^^^LMAO it’s been WAYYYY too long. Like, over a year. I’m so sorry to everyone who has been waiting for this bc I’ve racked up quite a taglist for this story alone haha. But seriously, thank you for all the support on part 1 and I hope you enjoy part 2!!!🥰

—

“You, Y/N, are a tease,” Keith’s look turns cold in replacement of the heat from his lustful gaze. “And I’m tired of it. Let’s see just how clean cut you are…”

His voice trails off, as well as his stare. His pupils are redirected to the thin, beautifully crafted knife, and I have no choice but to let my eyes follow.

He drags the weapon agonizingly slowly up my leg. The pressure is feather light. The ghost of Keith’s disconnected touch has my body temperature doing cartwheels.

“When I have you begging me to let you cum as I press this cold, sharp blade on the inside of those precious thighs of yours, shall we?”

Just when I thought my jaw was locked shut in disbelief and awe, his sensual musings easily loosened that tension.

“Y-yes. Oh my god, yes.” I breathe, reaching out for the paladin’s chest to bring him closer.

Keith evades my grasp and moves to spin me around, holding me flush against him. I can feel the dagger’s chill on my neck while his erection meets my backside.

“Not like you had much of a choice.”

—

It was almost too good to be true—somehow Keith knew my body as well as I did. The way he tightened his hold on me whenever I’d try to squirm out of his grasp; the icy stares he’d give me whenever a gasp escaped my lips.

Part of me felt guilty for enjoying this so much. It made no sense, but that didn’t stop me from worrying. My anxiety must’ve been evident on my face, because Keith seemed to notice something was amiss.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, his voice was softer, trading in his raspy, demanding tone for considerate and gentle inflections. The swordsman even lowered his knife, genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.

“Sorry,” I sighed, separating myself from him completely. “It’s just a lot all at once, you know? Plus, I never really thought this would happen. I mean, you’re… you, and I’m just me. It doesn’t make much sense.”

“What are you talking about? That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” Keith’s eyebrows arch as he searches my eyes for an indication of some sort.

“I– well, I just got overwhelmed is all.” I shrugged as my mouth formed a grimace.

“No, not that part. I totally understand that, and I feel it too! I’m talking about the whole ‘you’re you and I’m just me’ thing. Why would you think that?” Keith actually looks pained when he repeats my own words back to me.

“Think about it, Keith. You and I are so different and if something like this never happened, we probably never would’ve known how we felt about each other. And if you take into account our personalities in general, anything between us is bound to end in disaster. Like I said, we don’t make much sense.” I look down at the floor, unable to meet his—without a doubt—awkward sympathetic gaze.

“We don’t have to make sense! We just have to like being around each other! I’ve never felt this way with anyone before; do you know how hard it is for me to admit something like that? There’s no way to know what happens or what’ll become of any of this, but it’s not important right now. I never thought I’d be the one to say that, but it’s the truth.”

“I guess I just thought that you were too good for me. I mean, you’re a paladin of Voltron for fuck’s sake!”

Keith stays silent for a moment, smiling softly to himself as he looks down at the ground.

“Keith?” I try to recapture his attention, waving a hand in front of his face. He laughs again.

“Are you kidding? You’re practically perfect! Smart, kind, funny, a badass fighter, and god, you are so pretty.”

“I’m far from perfect, silly. Besides, that’s how I feel about you!” I feel my cheeks burning, but try my best to ignore it.

Keith closes the distance between us and gently grabs my face with both hands. Before I can think better of it, my hands find their way on top of his, keeping his touch there.

“Will you ever learn to take people for their word?” He chuckles.

I lean into his touch, and I could’ve sworn my heart was beating out of my chest in that moment.

“Probably not.” I shrugged, looking up at the paladin and giving him a sly smirk.

He rips his hands out of my grasp, my cheeks becoming cold from the sudden loss of his touch.

“Well then,” Keith is quick to sweep his leg under me, sure to catch me before I trip, laying me down gently on the floor. My breathing becomes ragged as he positions himself over me. I feel trapped, but I don’t mind it now. “I guess I’ll have to take care of that, won’t I?”

“Good luck with that.” I say nonchalantly, or at least as nonchalantly as possible. I was doting on his every breath, impatiently anticipating what his next words, movements, or touches would be.

“Thanks. Not that I needed the encouragement, but I will say it does help.”

The silence that would’ve formed between us is swiftly overthrown by my sudden gasp as Keith brings his knife back into the equation. He has it against my cheekbone, the blade is horizontal as its steely edge rests upon my skin.

“Does it turn you on that your life is in my hands?”

“I trust you.” I tell him. He would never hurt me, at least not without my consent. Despite his confidence on the battlefield, he was typically quite awkward in conversation.

“Oh, that’s sweet, you think this is about trust. I could do whatever I wanted to with you right now. You’re just my plaything and you won’t be forgetting that by the time I’m done with you.” His smirk is subtle, but it brandishes its image in my brain with hot iron.

He’s still on top of me, but he’s apprehensive, meaning I can still take control of the situation. I use the opportunity to grab him by his collar, yanking him down so his face is mere inches from mine. His dark blue, almost indigo eyes are locked into mine. He seems more vulnerable, but Keith always shields himself from others to some degree.

“Well tough shit, paladin. I don’t answer to anyone but myself.”

“Is that so?” he looks skeptical. “Well if that’s the case, then I guess I’ll be on my way out–”

“Wait!” I place my hand around the back of his neck, releasing my other hand from its grip on the collar of his shirt.

Keith eyes me, offering a quizzical hum.

“Please stay. I was just trying to be sexy and defiant! I don’t actually want you to go.”

While his expression gave no insight as to what he might be feeling, I could tell Keith was affected by my confession. I just wasn’t sure how. He was sitting up straight now, a distance created between us.

The moment was only a few seconds away from being awkward when I heard him scoff. Not only that, but that same smirk from before had returned.

“You were trying to be ‘sexy and defiant’?”

“Uh,” I swallowed hard, but not audibly. “Yeah. Those were the words I chose to say out loud.”

“I’m sure you’re wishing you’d chosen something better to say, aren’t you?” He laughed into the last word he spoke.

I nodded.

“That’s the thing about honesty,” he pauses, leaning back over me, looking directly into my eyes. “It leads to weakness.”

His words sent fire down my sternum. Feeling the cool metal of his blade return to my neck shot that heat downward, pooling in my stomach and searing against my clit.

—

Looking Sharp Taglist: @tompetersebbuckyhazleo @iris-iiridescent @deadgirlvamp666 @thevalkyriee @growingupnrealizing @fookinslut4harry @fictional-addiction

[peaxhxhair]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write smut about Do Gang-jae? (X reader ofc) And the prompt could be like they had a really bad argument where the reader was really mad and yk where it goes, that or one where reader is on their period cuz yk him🌚 It's completely fine if not! I did read your rules and all that, anyways thank you!

(I really like your writing btw)

Pairing: Do Gangjae x GN! Reader Warnings: Mentions of periods, blood, Cocaine, G*ngjae. 18+ CONTENT, *No use of y/n in this fic*, smut, AFAB reader (No gendered pronouns used for the reader), cunnilingus, p in v sex, (idk what to tag smut as icl) ~ A/n: Ahhhh Thank you for the request! <3 ( I haven't written for Gangjae in so long that it was a STRUGGLE finding the banner LMAO) Anyway hope you enjoy! ~ *Slight headcanon that Gangjae just drinks blood for the fun of it. He'd probably be a vampire in a past life*

My name - MASTERLIST

You were fuming. Not for any particular reason, but there was a feeling in your gut that told you to be angry at everything. What didn't help was the overbearing clients and lines of coke getting in your way at every opportunity. The amount of time you cleaned the bar, only for a new line of the white substance to show up was infuriating. Okay, maybe you did have a reason to be annoyed.

"What the fuck is up with you today?" Gangjae grunts at you, clearly fed up with you slamming shit around his bar. This was your second glass in an hour that you had cracked due to your need to slam things onto the marble counter, and Gangjae wasn't having any of it.

The music was too loud, and there were too many drunk bastards for you to care about how good your customer service was. It didn't help that you were on your period - those times making you feel a lot worse than you should. The cramps that shot up your back and sides made it almost impossible for you to focus on anything important, and maybe that was obvious to everyone around you.

Gangjae had obviously been the first to figure out that you were going to be a massive bitch the entire day. Although he had never seen you with such a big stick up your ass. That was something he had yet to really figure out - sneaking glances at you as he pretended to work, something he rarely did even in his own organisation.

Eventually, he grew tired of your shit, and just decided to ask.

The questions had caught you off guard - but you knew what he was getting at. Still, you had no idea what to say to him. What? You were on your period and very annoyed that people kept doing drugs on your freshly polished counters? Or that when he looked at you like that - with that anger in his eyes that made you feel like you had done something wrong - in fact made you extremely horny? Why would you tell him that? When you couldn't even think about fucking him when you were leaking a third of your bodies blood - a cycle which you would rather not have at all? Yeah, that sounded like itwould go down well.

"Nothing" You utter after a second, shifting your eyes back to the stacks bottles you were attempting to organise - which you had already reorganised three times before. It's when you feel his hand on the small of your back that you finally tense up - an inevitable when you can feel his breath on your neck.

"Don't give me that. What's wrong?" His words this time were softer - a tactical choice. You couldn't stay mad when he talked to you like that - like he actually cared about your wellbeing - and he knew that. Gangjae knew he had you in the palm of his hand from the way you relaxed into his touch, a soft grumble leaving your lips.

Still, your eyes focused on the glass bottle in your hands, struggling to even look at him - not when you knew you'd just start telling him things in the very crowded bar. You let out a noise as his cold hands reached under your shirt to grab your waist.

The way you twitch under his touch tells him all he really needs to know, and you could practically feel his smile in your neck as he kisses your skin. "It's time for your break, don't you think?" Gangjae's tone is barely above a whisper, but he made sure that it was the only thing you could hear.

Well, you couldn't exactly deny his offer now, could you? Not when you had been thinking about him all day.

~

"Are you sure about this?" The question was hesitant, mixed with your low gasps and pants as Gangjae kisses down your stomach. He grunts against your skin, pinching your skin between his teeth as a warning. A warning to shut the fuck up. His bite only made you body arch towards him.

"Shut up an' take 'em off" He pulls at the belt loops of your trousers, before he unbuttoned them for you. He didn't exactly want to waste any time, even after you had told him what your problem really was. If anything he was more eager this way - ready to devour you. He had never mentioned this alleged kink to you - but you couldn't complain when he was doing it with you.

It's awkward and needy the way you pull them off, along with your underwear - though he does help a little, chucking them across the room so that they land somewhere across the floor. His hands caress your thighs as he looks up at you - a grin splattered across his face. His eyes return to your glistening heat - staring long enough for you to begin to question him.

"You don't have to if you don't- oh~" Your original sentence being cut off in your throat as Gangjae's lips attach to your clit - then moving to lap at your folds. Your hands shoot into his hair - hips bucking as he attacks you with his tongue.

"You like that?" Your eyes roll at his question - pulling at his hair at some weak attempt at revenge, not enjoying the fact that his tongue had returned to his mouth. Of course he would pull some shit like this - you knew he got a rise out of teasing you.

"I'd like it if you shut up" A grumble leaves your lips, attempting to push his head back down, only for him to grab your wrist. Gangjae frustrated you at the best of times, and now that he was denying you the pleasure that he had promised just made you whine at him. The noise of complaint left your lips as you squirms against his touch.

Gangjae's hands gripped your thighs, your uncomfortable shifting making him grin. He licks the blood from his lips - just watching you squirm and twitch against him turning him on even more. "Gangjae~ I need you.." You hand moves to grip his chin - thumb grazing against his bottom lip.

As much as he liked watching you squirm, the way you were begging for him made it hard for him to keep his dick in his pants. At first, when he pulls away, you actually think he'd going to leave you there - aching for him.

Instead, he unbuckles his belt. The way he pulls his cock out of his pants has your legs trembling, and how he looks at you let's you know that you couldn't touch it, no matter how much you wanted to rub your thumb against his glistening tip.

"Gangejae~ I fuckin' hate you so much. Such a tease~" Your knees hugged his hips in an attempt to pull him closer - only for him to grip your knees and push them up to your chest he positions his tip against your hole.

He presses his lips against yours, and you could taste your blood as you kissed him. Your hands shoots to his shoulders as he begins pushing into you - whimpering against his lips. The stretch practically made your lungs hurt - a shallow pant falling from you as your nails dig in to his skin.

He's nice enough to let you catch your breath, though only for a second before he's thrusting into you. hands pressed firmly on the back of your knees.

"Ah~ 's too much" You fumble, head falling back into the mattress - the slapping of his hips against your ass made it hard for your eyes to not roll into the back of your head. Still, as noises fall from your lips, he slows down.

"You want me to stop?" The feeling of him against your walls was hard to let go of, and you bucked your hips into his - not exactly pleased with the idea of him pulling out.

"Please don't stop~" How could he deny you that? When you were falling apart beneath him. He can't even take his eyes off of you for more than a minute - the dopey tears in your eyes and your flushed face making it hard for him to tease you for too long.

So, he picks up his pace again, his eyes entirely focused on your face. He only looks down when his thumb moves to your clit - the skin of his thumb turning red from your blood.

It's when he knows that you're about to cum that he shoves his thumb into your mouth, making you taste your own blood. It's harsh on your tongue, and if you weren't so close you would have scolded him for it. Still, the way he man-handled your jaw just got you closer - finally coming undone under him as your body twitched. Gangjae keeps his pace - but they become harsher, until his hips jerk and he's spilling his seed into you hole - a low grunt leaving his lips. Gangjae's head falls onto your shoulder as he finally lets go of your legs - bucking his cum into you.

Your whimpering at his slow thrusts, your voice muffled by his hand. When he finally pulls out, he finally gets a look at his cum spilling out of your hole - mixed with your blood. Well, he couldn't just leave it like that, could he?

Gangjae chuckles as you complain about him pulling away, but your complaining stopped quickly when his tongue was on your hole again - lapping up your blood. He doesn't even realise you're cumming again until your legs are around his head - having been to focused on tasting you.

He pats your thighs gently as he chuckles - pulling away so that he can get a look at you. "Still angry?" He asks, and you suddenly begin to wonder why you took a break in the first place. You roll your eyes at his words, attempting to sit up, only to fall back into the matress at how weak he had made you.

"I am now that you're talking" You grumble, your lack of breath making it seem unconvincing. Gangjae grins - clearly not too bothered by annoying you, since your legs were still over his shoulders after all.

[beevean]

ooh, are we making fun of NFCV again? i wanna add to the pile re: how all the so-called "diversity" and "representation" it gets praised for goes overwhelmingly, if not entirely to the bad guys - and half of them don't even have a speaking role or even names, or at least we don't learn about them anywhere else besides the supplementary material, like in the case of drac's vampire generals (except godbrand, of course). even the two PoC good guys i can think of, zamfir and greta, aren't that great considering zamfir is portrayed as hopelessly and delusionally devoted to the deceased targoviste royalty, to the point of forsaking the wellbeing of both the underground and aboveground survivors, and then dies anyway in service of that delusion. and greta's just a last-minute newcomer to allegedly address grant's conspicuous absence that fans were complaining about from the start.

We never stop making fun of NFCV lol, there's always something new to point out 🥰

I can see how fans would respond to this that representation doesn't need to be relegated to heroes only, and you can have minority villains as long as they're not stereotyped. But yeah, the representation in NFCV is shallow at best and offensive at worst.

Most Generals in Dracula's army don't have a speaking role. Cho, the Japanese vampire who goes down in less than a minute in S2, gets a flashback after she died, because storytelling.mp4, and even then she doesn't talk. I only remember Raman's name because Carmilla says something like "there are only 4 women in this castle" nope it's just 3 of them lmao

Sumi and Taka look identical despite not being related according to Word of God, which is hysterical to me because you know they said that to divert the accusations of incest. my pal. you really think your GoT-inspired show is above twin siblings having a threesome? Also, you know, they immediately jump to rape by deception without a hint that they'd do that through all season, and then their corpses get graphically mutilated and pissed on (contrast this with the white, most likely French Lenore who gets to flirt and be cute with her victim)

Isaac is gay! How do we know that? He "jokes" out of nowhere about kissing Hector, a guy he has zero respect for. This line has no follow-up and is OOC with how serious the character is always portrayed. And that's not counting his declaration of love made to his abusive master when he was a boy.

I don't know enough about Islam to have a solid opinion on how it was treated in Isaac's case, and in a vacuum having a "complex" Muslim anti-villain is more original than usual. But I don't like how his self-flagellating habit was first treated as a result of his traumatic past, then as a religious practice, then completely dropped. Using Mohammed's own words about Hell being emptied, which from what I've read mean that in Islam hell is transitory, and twisting them to justify his necromancy is... certainly a delicate choice, but again, he doesn't really reflect on this in S4, he just jumps to "wow I sure love having agency!"

Also, in retrospect, it would have been much better if Isaac hailed from the Emirate of Granada instead of being a slave, a backstory more befitting for N!Annette for her origins and time period. In his case, it would have been more original, and expanded the world a little more. What's that? He wouldn't have a reason to hate humankind? Then how come game!Isaac can do it just fine? :) You know, since he was persecuted (maybe even by the Spanish Inquisition!) for his cursed powers? :) maybe you can have more reasons to hate humans than "former slave"? maybe black people can be depicted as something different than slaves? :)

Striga and Morana are cute together, but are non-entities who begin and end with each other. Also, funny how Morana, the lesbian of color (triple minority!), is literally the most useless and wasted of the four :) and even then the most characterization she gets is "she loves to torture people". nice

Alucard was made bi by Word of God and I don't need to repeat how appalling it is. I hate that most "antis" have a problem with him being attracted to men in the first place, and not that the declaration was made to downplay his sexual assault.

(meanwhile Carmilla, inspired by the literal archetype of the lesbian vampire, to the point that you can even see her game version as being a lesbian thanks to Laura, gets reduced to joke that she'd only sleep with Godbrand if all the men, half of the women and some of the animals died. but hey, she's a radfem, I guess that's enough)

Apparently I have... controversial opinions on the choice of darkening Hector's skin and the ethnicity he is in this version. But I will say that there is something weird in deliberately giving him bronze skin, I suppose to emphasize his Greek heritage, and then spending two seasons literally dehumanizing him and lowering him to the level of a dog and pet.

Also something about the Speakers, nomadic people whose oral traditions get made fun of, by Sypha in particular who calls them idiots, is... hm. The wiki even points out: "They are also similar to the Jews (especially due to their reverence for knowledge and their tradition of oral history) and, to a lesser extent, to the Romani."

I skipped Zamfir's plotline because by S4 I had burnout, but yeah, Greta is probably the best character of color and even then she's little more than a generic badass woman with attitude. Also she's even more ambiguously brown than Hector, I would say on the same level as Casca from Berserk - you can tell she's not white, but she's not really anything else.

(btw no, she has no relation with Grant :) )

tl;dr: the only good representation in nfcv are the tunisi people isaac speaks to and this is why i do not trust them with black annette, and i hate the fucking discourse on twitter from people who just don't like the design change

[oh-my-damn]

I’m so glad this discussion is happening because this is what it always should have been from the start. 🥹 Not harassing and bullying her and giving the dickriders and general public a reason to call all his fans crazy and delusional.

She has been overly targeted imo but they RAN with that narrative and reduced everything to jealousy and now she’s the victim and I’m supposed to care about her wellbeing when her friends would probably use slurs and micro-aggressions around me just because some people don’t know how to act. 😑

I have no interest in attacking her because that’s too much damn energy but I reserve the right to dislike what I see of her and her choices and by extension Chris because no I refuse to coddle that man.

I think it depends on who you've been following but this discussion has actually happened several times on my blog since the beginning.

Same with the age-gap discussion.

I think the way it was handled in general by the fandom has been very strange and not at all streamlined, because everyone has issues for different reasons.

The people throwing the jealousy card are actually stupid, though. Because clearly the people who want to fuck him are the ones defending him and not the ones calling him (or her) out 😭

But no. You absolutely do not have to care about her well-being. Don't wish death on her, but wish her the kind of day and life she deserves. I think it's gross that people still to this day, who have perpetuated those views and opinions manage to find "happiness" and "success" (I say this in airquotes because I'm not sure she has or will find either of those, but you know...)

For me, the problem was never Alba in and of itself. Because I'm not an Alba fan (and never will be lmao). The problem has always been Chris. I have been very vocal (sometimes to a fault) when it comes to him and his behavior and his responsibility in all of this.

I think that stems from me initially liking him because of his political views and statements, so that made it even more of a blow to see who he associates with.

But I am honestly disappointed in the people who keep defending at least this part of the conversation. You can be his fan all you want, but don't defend this behavior. Don't come onto blogs to try and excuse it.

He does not deserve that at all. He's a grown man who knows what he's doing and he will have to live with that. He doesn't deserve his fans time of day, and what baffles me is that they can't see just how much they're been used in all of this.

He constantly uses them to save his ass, and they go along blindly. People are upset one minute about her going to the premiere, and then he posts a Dodger pic, and it's like everyone forgets why we were upset.

He's been using his own, sweet, innocent dog for fucking years to deflect the public from his behavior and faults. And now he's let her do it, too.

His behavior and what he has allowed says all we really need to know about this. He knows what's going on, he is not innocent, and he's been doing everything to deflect from it, even incorporating his own tactics and applying them to her.

So I'd say he's fine with what's happened and all he worries about is whether it'll affect his wallet in the long run.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

cw emotional/psychological abuse (im ok dw just. more reflecting)

ive been rereading my journal and got to the bit where im dissecting my exs callout post about me. looking back its kinda hilarious cus if you have the tiniest ounce of critical thinking skills, youll immediatley see that he contradicted himself several times in his own post and his ridiculous assertions just get better with age. heres some highlights

 calling himself a “kid” at 23 while slagging me off voraciously for stuff that i did at 22 and 23, 4+ years before this callout post and some of it before he even met me

 making a huge deal about a 19 & 23 (up to 23 & 27) age gap like its pedophilia lol

 accusing me of ableism in literally the same sentence as dunking on me for my autism symptoms, then doing it again several times more in the next paragraph, like blatant ableism in the same breath as accusing me of ableism, sure thing hon

 misrepresenting events where he deliberately provoked me, leaving out important information and saying I was “playing the victim” cus i told people that the two (2!!) incidents of alleged “abuse” were in direct response to some particularly nasty shit hed been throwing at me

 accusing me of making him homeless when i literally saved him from homelessness several times

 accusing me of manipulating him to be polyamorous when he was literally dating someone else when we got together lmao (as was I & we were all fully aware, just like in a regular consensual polyamorous situation) (iirc he also had a side fuck that his partner didnt know about so really doing great monogamy there, being manipulated into evil polyamory by evil me)

 accusing me of cheating when i told them i was dating someone, who they fully well knew i was getting close to and wanting to date, who they told me was okay if I wanted to date them. they forced me to break up with that person and apologise over months, agreeing at one point that it wasn’t actually cheating, but then conveniently it was cheating again whenever he needed something to hold against me

anyway ive still not fully recovered from being used up quite thoroughly and emotionally abused and gaslit and accused of the worst kinds of things because after years of torment I snapped a couple times. I still find it in my mind sometimes to miss him and wanna reach out and then I remember how it felt to be with him and then how it felt to *not* be with him and how it felt to be punished for not being with him, and then to be punished just for existing, i guess. being accused of punishing him when i was having emotional reactions or tried to distance myself cus being around him made me want to kermit. funny how thats his choice of words as well and how being with him changed me fundamentally and i am still very much working on undoing the damage, i suspect it will take a long while. meanwhile hes prancing around in la and probably has forgtten completely that i even exist. which is wild considering he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me for so fucking long. its my fault also because i let him, but i was young and stupid, (in his words) just a kid at 23.

he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me - and I let him; when you put it like that, it’s absolutely no wonder it blew up completely in our faces. And as the older one and the supposedly more experienced one, I guess it would have been on me to not let him put all that on me. I didn’t know much at the time though, pretty sure I didn’t even know what boundaries were (much less how to set, communicate and enforce them). But also I was interested in him and wanted to get closer and I think even then I knew that if I failed to give him whatever tf he wanted, he would just leave and probably call me toxic. Idk why it ever seemed like a good idea to get close to him. I just dont know anymore but I guess I did learn a lot from that relationship. Including not to let people like that get that fucking close to me again.

[fireofjudgement]

That's what I like

Fandom: High&Low

Pairing: Ice x f!reader

Summary: His rules were simple and your obedience has always been rewarded. But when you became too comfortable and decided to disobey, he had to make sure you'll never break the rules again.

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: this fic is strictly 18+, minors and empty blogs do not fucking interact or you'll get blocked on sight, swearing, established relationship, mentions of porn, sexual content: d/s dynamic, Ice is a mean dom, dumbification, restraints, gagging, humiliation, fingering, edging, teasing, taking pictures/filming during sex, baby/princess mentions, masturbation

A/N: Ever since I watched the first High&Low movie I knew I will write for these men but I definitely didn't expect Ice to be my first choice. Oh well. I think he fits this idea perfectly and I had a lot of fun writing this so I hope you enjoy this short little brainrot lmao (tho I don't think anyone will read this since he's not a popular character but he is in my heart). Also I've been struggling with some really bad writer's block and haven't written anything in like 3 weeks so this isn't the best.

--

"Aww, poor girl.." 

His voice was so calm, so reassuring, his tone as sweet as honey and yet.. you knew his pity was fake, his intentions far from innocent. One look at his face and you knew this was going to be a long, long night. But you've brought this upon yourself- you made a mistake and now he's going to make you pay for it. In his own, wicked way.

Maybe you should have listened to him. Maybe you should have followed his rules, they weren't that strict afterall. No cumming without his permission, no touching yourself unless otherwise stated, no porn or other sexually explicit content while he was away. Simple, right? He warned you about the consequences, should you ever disobey, and you knew he was a man of his word. 

But oh, how difficult it was to follow the rules when he's been neglecting you for almost a week now. You knew he wasn't doing it on purpose, but that didn't change the fact that you were starting to feel lonely in your relationship. Busy with something related to Mighty - that you couldn't care less about - Ice was barely spending time with you anymore. It became a new, disappointing routine - he left before you woke up and got back long after you fell asleep. With nothing but a few texts and calls here and there, you started to lose your patience.

These crumbs he gave you simply weren't enough anymore, they didn't satisfy you - you needed your boyfriend by your side, not god knows where, taking care of another shady business, possibly risking his life. But as much as you cared about his safety and wellbeing, you had to admit that it wasn't the main reason you were upset. No, it all came down to something way more..trivial. You were an adult, of course, and an independent one at that, you could live without him for a week or two. But your pussy? That was a completely different story.

You missed the intimacy, it was as simple as that. You missed kissing him, touching him, you missed having him inside you. The way he always knew how to make you feel good, how possessive and dominant he was in bed, even if a little mean sometimes. Nobody has ever loved you like he did, nobody has cared for you like him, nobody even came close. And he knew it damn well. He knew how good he was in bed, how attracted to him you were and he knew you loved him more than you've ever loved anyone before. He knew you wouldn't ever leave him and he liked to take advantage of that.

"What was that? Is it too much? Aw, it's such a shame you can't say anything with that gag in your pretty little mouth, isn't it?"

But at that moment you hated him, you genuinely did. You hated how amused he seemed despite the tears running down your face and your muffled sobs, you hated the look in his eyes - he looked..hungry, like an animal that hasn't eaten in a while, ready to devour you. And most importantly, you hated how fucking good he made you feel, the humiliation and his fake concern making you clench around his fingers. You wanted to scream, beg for him to go faster, deeper, to fuck you already but you couldn't. Tied up and gagged, completely at his mercy, you didn't have a choice but to give in and accept your punishment.

You knew he was enjoying this, you could see it and you could feel it - his hard-on pressed against your naked core and a cocky grin on his face, both growing as he continued torturing you. If you could think straight, you'd probably be embarrassed by how fucked out you were already - your naked body wiggling and squirming under his touch, your pussy completely soaked, wet sounds filling the room as he finger fucked you at a painfully slow pace, drool and tears running down your face and onto the sheets. All that while he didn't lose a single piece of clothing yet. But he knew you were enjoying it too.

"Look at you!" He cooed, his free hand ghosting over your nipples, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. "Aren't you just the cutest? Such a dumb little plaything, all wet for me. You look so pretty right now, maybe I should take a picture, hmm? So next time you remember to follow the rules." 

You tried to shake your head but your body betrayed you. Unable to move or say anything, you simply watched as he grabbed his phone and took pictures of you, his fingers never leaving your swollen cunt. Your mind cleared up just for a brief moment, when you realised he wasn't only taking pictures, oh no, he was filming you too, but before you could even start worrying about it, he sped up his pace, your mind going blank again. 

"There you go baby! Don't worry about it, you're doing so well. So fucked out and pretty for me.."

How much time has passed since all of this started, you weren't sure but it must have been at least a few hours. Hours of teasing, edging and humiliation. He'd go faster, trick you into thinking you'll finally be allowed to cum and end this torture, then slow down or even pull away completely when he knew you were so, so close.

All of this because you couldn't stand feeling lonely anymore and decided to play around a little, touching yourself to some random video you've found online. However you quickly realised the poor acting, fake moaning and ridiculously bad dirty talk weren't doing it for you, so you tried to think about one of your many nights with Ice instead. And it worked - the oh so familiar fire in your belly was growing fast, spreading to the rest of your body, your boyfriend's rules long forgotten.

Unfortunately for you, that night Ice finally finished the deal he's been working on for so long. And with that, for the first time in days, he was able to come home early, excited to surprise you. Thinking about the previous week and your lack of communication and intimacy, he did expect you to be upset, maybe even mad at him but he most definitely didn't expect to walk in on you naked, spread on your bed with your hand between your legs, the room filled with fake moans and other obscure sounds from the porn you were watching, mixed with your, very real ones.

He would never admit it to you, but it almost made him happy to catch you breaking his rules. It meant that he had to punish you and it was one of his favorite things to do. Nothing turned him on more than seeing you like this..tears stained cheeks, your hips moving involuntary, desperate to make him go in deeper. He had full control over you, over your body and mind - it was intoxicating. He didn't want to stop and he knew you didn't want him to stop either.

"Aww, are you getting tired? But I'm not done yet, princess. I need to make sure you won't break the rules again. So just let go, let me do the thinking and just feel good for me, okay?" You barely even registered his words anymore, all you could think about was the way he made you feel, the overwhelming amount of sensations he provided to your body, the mixture of pain and pleasure. You knew it wasn't going to end anytime soon. And you didn't want it to. "That's it, just like that. That's what I like to see.."

[catcze]

(remember to rest yourself and drink water and eat food so dont starve and pretty please rest like dont do this req immediately pls rest dont overwork yourself like ganyu-) aye imma req the stronK wing req with other chatacters - hmm albedo, zhongli and traveller ? (aether ? your choice really !!)

-pretty boi anon ♥️ (im so proud of myself rn thats my first anon thing-)

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !! ⠀

「 FEAT : 」Zhongli, Albedo x Male Reader

「 ### : 」 Fluff !!

「 CWS : 」 Reader has wings??? 

Aw omg thanks so much pretty boi 💞🥺  and really??! omg im so honored to be the first blog with you as their anon!! I can totally do your request! Good choice btw, i absolutely love the geo characters 💞

Note from future Catte: deleted Aether’s part, since i’m no longer going to be writing for him, and I wouldn’t want people to think that i still do!

Kaeya, Diluc & Childe ver.

⠀ 「 ZHONGLI 」

Sticking w/ the narrative that you’re an adeptus / illuminated beast, it makes sense that you’d be familiar with Zhongli! Considering how you stick around humans like Ganyu or Yanfei, it shouldn’t be too unusual to see you around Liyue harbor with the archon-turned-funeral consultant.

Zhongli being Zhongli, he probably is super learned when it comes to maintaining your wings. Every now and then, he’ll have you sit on a stool in front of him while he stands behind you, preening your wings and correcting any misaligned feathers. He probably goes on tangents and talks about anything while he does this lmao.

He would accompany you when you buy oils to care for your wings! Although he probably wouldn’t be able to pay for it for you, he’d still be able to help you choose the best ones for your feathers.

He doesn’t treat you any differently, since he isn’t surprised or shocked that you have wings (since, you know, he was / is Rex Lapis) so he’d treat you as normally as he would anyone else.

Ik this can sound anticlimactic, but in your experience, when you go to places or meet people who have never seen a winged being not trying to do any harm, they’re usually so surprised, and may distance themselves from you in caution, or they may be too chummy with you in curiosity.

Zhongli treating your wings as if they were just a regular part of you –nothing to make a fuss about, nothing to gawk over– is such a breath of fresh air.

If he has an errand to run in the wild to procure things for funerals, you usually come with him. 

One of the reasons why he invites you is because you typically make the gathering easier, and a little less risky to his mortal form. After all, with your wings, he doesn’t have to risk his own wellbeing scaling cliffs for qinxin flowers or violet grass.

Your wings and your expert control makes it all too easy for you to fly him and yourself up to wherever he needs to go, and despite the strength of each flap of your wings, you’re careful to not blow away and damage any of the flora he needs.

But a big big big reason why he’d he’d want you around is because you’re always so enthusiastic to listen to his stories, and you always remember the details he tells you, too. Its not often that this happens–– sometimes some Liyue women would try to converse with him in hopes of catching his interest, but they typically gave up whenever he would begin his long-winded explainations.

That’s why he was pleasantly surprised when he met you (who was not of the female populus!!! How rare!1!1) who was so happy to listen to him. Funny enough, it was this that actually made him interested in you. Zhongli is very glad for your presence, too, and he never fails to bring you along with him.

⠀ 「 ALBEDO 」

Albedo would be so curious about your wings!

When he first meets you, he’s cordial and polite ofc, but its so obvious that he can’t keep his eyes off your wings. You’re probably the first adeptus / illuminated beast he’s ever met.

He probably won’t ask you if you’re willing to let him run some tests on you right off the bat tho, since he’s worried you might say no. When you two are more acquainted, then he’ll ask!

He’s a little shy and hesitant too, not wanting to intimidate you with the words ‘test’ or ‘experiments.’ Listen to his voice line where he asks the traveller if he can do some research on Paimon–– same vibe. 

He’ll be so excited if you accept, even if he doesn’t show i! DOing experiments and gathering data on you and your wings becomes his top priority, and he schedules it with you ASAP.

He’s sure to bring you somewhere where you wont be bothered and where you can fully stretch out your wings. Maybe dragonspine, or somewhere near Wolvendom.

The experiments and data Albedo wants to gather isn’t insane–– he mostly wants to know things like your maximum speed, you initial velocity, the shape of your wings + how they affect your flight, the strength behind your wings, how well you can control them and the like.

At one point when you take a small break, you offer to carry him! he accepts ofc because this can be a learning experience, but he really really enjoys it! He’s so enamored by the brids-eye view of the landscape that only you (and he, right now) could see. He’ll probably ask you to fly him up again, just so that he could sketch it!

Speaking of, he’d ask you if its okay to sketch your wings, too, so he can get an idea of how they work. If you’re alright with it, he’ll ask you to remove your shirt so he can see where the wings connect to your back. 

Albedo spends so much time sketching and asking you to pose your wings in different ways, so he can see the extent of their flexibility. He probably touches them, if you’re down, to see what the textures and hardness of the feathers are like. 

Honestly, the experience and looking back at the sketches really highlights to him how astounding your form was.

He’ll probably ask if you have any similarities in terms of behaviour with male birds of other species, and it’s up to you to discuss the similarities and differences with him.

While you two are up in Dragonspine, you get concerned about him getting cold, since you’re easily warmed by your personal cocoon of feathers, so you bring Albedo into your chest and into the blanket of your wings to warm him up. Both of you enjoy it immensely. 

[spacetimewraithwrites-archive]

Last Line(s) Tag

thanks to @drabbleitout and @pertinax--loculos for the tags!

I’m tagging @drippingmoon, @ashen-crest, @pen-in-hand, @zmwrites, and anyone who wants to do this! as always, no obligation or pressure whatsoever.

this time, since I’m still trying to finish up Destiny changes (sigh!! 🙃), this lengthy excerpt comes from draft 1.5 of Eternal. for some context, Warren is watching what happens here on a live feed from a tablet screen, and I’m sorry lmao:

"Stuttering," Thrive observed quietly.

"Yeah." Guetry quirked a humorless grin. "Yeah, that too. I had to say my na-name and number earlier and I almost slit my own throat to get out of it. That's a joke. It's...it's not the worst thing goin' on. Not worse than the withdrawal and the...p-pain. It's all in my back and I get...migraines. Real bad. I get sick off 'em sometimes."

"Right..." Thrive's tone cut like a knife through the room, and the glance he gave to the camera made Warren shudder.

He almost felt a brushstroke of sympathy for the officials getting the business end of that stare.

"I came to see you for two reasons," Thrive continued, the patient warmth returning to his voice. "First and foremost being that I wanted to check in on you and tell you that Warren and I have thought about you every day."

Guetry sniffed. "Thanks. I missed you guys."

"Secondly...and more urgently, I fear...I wanted to get a full evaluation of what's going on in regards to you and your SCOT system since you were untethered if I'm to make an informed decision about what steps I need to take in ensuring the Consortium has upheld their end of our agreement. I wouldn't," he warned suddenly, holding up a hand in the direction of a muffled commotion going on off-screen. "My trust in your reports prior to this was close to nil, as I suspected you'd left out significant aspects of Guetry's wellbeing while untethered. Now that I've seen him firsthand and have as such confirmed my suspicions, I want it straight from the source."

"Sir," someone said through the intercom, "this is something you'll have to take up with the prison, as they've been reporting Guetry's condition and—"

"N-no," Guetry interrupted. "Tha-hat's not true and you assholes know it. I had remote visitation with Co—with Co...with 'Sort officers weekly to talk about my cond—my condition. Hell, NodeSource checked in every so often, and I think you might be keeping them outta my reach under a pile of red tape, fuckers!"

"Easy," Thrive murmured, reaching forward to grip Guetry's hand for the purpose of influencing calm. He watched him in an interim of quiet between the two of them as the muffled protests continued in the background, attentive gaze falling over his profile as the tension melted away from his wiry frame. "You're safe."

Warren's fist clenched in empathic pain for Guetry.

Guetry turned his head to Thrive, and even under the dismal light of the holding cell, the wetness of his eyes came through the viewing screen. "Why are they doing this to me, man?"

Thrive swallowed. "If you tell me in no uncertain terms that you have reason to believe the Consortium is withholding your accessibility, I'll have no choice but to act accordingly."

"...What?"

Instead of responding verbally, Thrive's expression hardened, and Warren waited with bated breath and a tight jaw for Guetry to understand that Thrive meant his oath extended to him, now, and if the Consortium was caught intentionally hurting him, he would be forced to risk conflict with the Milky Way and exact retribution.

[ladywinterwitch]

Run Away (Eight- What You Gotta Do)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger! Reader

Summary: You and Steve complete each other. Your love is that strong and devoted kind of love that pushes people to things like marriage, making a family. You couldn't imagine that a baby would be something you really wished, until the possibility wasn't your choice anymore.

Warnings:  A bit of angst, pregnancy talk, mentions of injuries, mentions of abandonement (mild), fluff, reader is still an emotional rollercoaster, cursing and swearing, smut, unprotected sex (too late for these two lmao), oral sex (f recieving), brief mentions of body insicurities, Bucky’s a puppy dog.

Words Count: 5289

A/n: Part eight! I can’t believe that I’ve actually come this far lmao. Plus, me posting stuff with less than 44827 years of distance with each other? A miracle. I always said that I would wrap it up at 10 chapters,but while writing this chapter I realized that I will need one or two extra chapters + the epilogue. We’ll see. For now I’m happy to be able to write lol. Series masterlist here, main masterlist here. Enjoy <3

ps: Chris’s look in that gif,,,chile 

                       (gif not mine)

In the following week you saw Steve once a day, just to assure that he was doing fine. He wasn' sleeping in your shared room for the moment, but in a spare bedroom. You knew that you were probably being harsh with him, but you were so mad. It wasn't the first time that he did something stupid to try and save others. Hell, just think about that damned plane crash that put him in the ice in the first place.

You understood the reasons why, and basically everyone tried to talk with you and kinda 'sugar coat it' but the issue wasn't that you didn't understand: the issue was that he couldn't afford to think only about himself. Was it selfish on your behalf to think that way? Maybe. But you couldn't help it. You told yourself that it would've been different if you were just married, or just lovers. His decisions would've still been his. But now it's different. In less than six months he would've become a father. And that comes with responsibility. Wasn't he the first to tell you how important it was for you to put aside your job, for months or maybe even forever, just for the wellbeing of the creature inside you? That kid is yours just as much as he's his.

You and Bucky went out for a shopping trip that afternon. You would've asked Wanda, but she and Vision went to Clint's farm for a few days to see him and his family. Steve still had to be inside the tower, since he wasn't fully healed yet. You knew that he was watching a football game with Sam now, while Tony and Bruce were working on a new project, and Thor went to Asgard for a while to go check that Loki and Odin weren't at each other's throats.

You didn't mind Bucky's company at all. And in any case it wasn't like you felt like going out with Steve, not just yet. The brunette drove you both to the mall where he parked and then you went inside.

-So, what absolutely exciting and girly shops I have to visit today?- he asked while you curled your hand around his bicep. You laughed, looking up at him while you walked.

-Well, this mama is getting bigger every day, so I really can't wear my old clothes. I wouldn't even fit in them, and I can't go on with you guys' hoodies and t-shirts. I mean, I'm still a woman. Who said I can't look good while pregnant?- you responded, dragging him to a maternity clothes shop. As soon as you entered like half of the women in the shop turned to look at Bucky. You glanced at him and saw that he blushed and was looking everywhere except them. You bit you lip to not smile while you started to look around at the clothes. You made sure to engage in conversations with him to try and take the attention away.

-Damn homie, I think you just made those women regret their partners.- you said lowly so only he could hear you, and being a super enhanced supersolier, he did hear you very clearly. He snapped his head towards you with a look of disbelief on his face. His expression was so funny that you couldn't help but laugh. He looked around quickly then got closer to you.

-Stop it! It's already embarassing without you pointing it out.- he whined with a low voice. You stopped laughing but you couldn't help but smile, pressing your lips together.

-It's just so funny to me, because I understand these women. Turns out that pregnancy doesn't only make you sick, but also terribly horny.- you rose an eyebrow and he face palmed himself. You laughed again.

-Too much information, doll.- he groaned. You chuckled, putting in his hands a bunch of clothes. He caught them with both arms and followed you like a puppy to the changing rooms.

-Thank you kind sir, now I'm gonna see if they fit then I promise we're out of here.- you joked, hanging the clothes into the changing room. You closed the tent and he let himself fall delicately on one of the couches. He looked around while he waited but it turned out to be a bad idea when he saw the women from the various isles and even the shop's staff looking at him. He awkwardly smiled and then looked back at the closed changing room, sinking in his seat and covering the side of his face with a hand nonchalantly. He heard a few muffled giggles but no ne bothered him.

-Y/n are you done?- he asked, more embarassed than anything. Suddenly she pulled back the tent and started to gather a few of the garments in her hand. Bucky's gaze got caught on her figure. It was essentially the first time that she wore something fitting and not exaggerately large, so her belly was fully on display, even more so since she was turned to the side. The man felt a mix of emotions all at once and didn't quite catch the first time she called him.

-Buck, did you hear me?- he snapped out of it and stood to his feet, blinking a few times.

-It looks great.- he commented. You had on a nice flowery minidress, the sleeves were short and puffy, the square neckline showed just enough cleavage to remain classy, the breast area was tight but just below the skirt was soft and fell perfectly on your figure, showing the belly. You looked at him with a smile, chuckling slightly.

-Yeah, it fits well doesn't it? I'm getting these,- he gave a three dresses, two shirts, two t-shirts, two pairs of jeans and a pencil skirt to him, while she had other stuff in her own hands. -And I'm leaving these.- she sighed.

-Would you do me a favor? I'm dropping these off, meanwhile could you go to the pay desk? I'll be there in a sec.- he nodded and you thanked him while you walked away to the isles. Bucky walked towards the counter and dropped the garments on the desk, giving a quick smile to the girl behind it. He pulled out from the back pocket of his jeans the wallet and then the credit card, which was obviously Tony's, and put it on the glass above the counter. He waited a few seconds until the clerk, which was a nice girl with black hair and amber like eyes, spoke to him.

-So, how far are you guys?- she asked. Bucky almost choked on air at that phrase.

-Oh we- - he was about to say, but you arrived at his side and saved the situation. You smiled kindly at the girl and gave a pat on Bucky's arm.

-I'll be exactly of five months in a week, and he's more like the uncle than the father.- she tileted her head towards the brunette. The clerk smirked.

-Is he now?- she said rethorically. Then added, -That would be 277$. You're paying with cash or card?- Bucky gave her the Visa and she thanked him, finishing the payment. Y/n glanced at him with a knowing look and a slight smirk. He rolled his eyes and shook his head a little, she furrowed her brows as if to ask 'Why?' and he just mouthed 'No', so she didn't push. For now.

-Thank you for your purchase, congratulations and we hope to see you soon.- the girl said with courtesy, her gaze lingering a bit on the man, whom didn't return the look. You could see the slight disppointment of the girl.

-Thank you, have a nice day.- you saluted her and then headed out with Bucky. An hour had already passed and you still had in mind to buy a few things, but first you needed a break.

-I desperately want a piece of cake. What do you think?- you elbowed him delicately to catch his attention. He turned his head and nodded, still carrying the two bags. You arrived at the mall's cafe and ordered. He picked an iced coffe and you a slice of cheesecake and some tea, knowing that coffe wasn't that good for pregnancy. You took a seat at one of the tables outside, even tho you were still technically inside the mall.

-So, wanna tell me why you didn't accept the clear as the sun advances that the pretty shop assistant did?- you brought the fork to your mouth. He huffed and shrugged.

-Because I am not interested. I don't think I'm in the right mindspace to date right now.- he responded. You exhaled, tilting your head slightly to the side.

-Buck, I know that it didn't end up that smoothly with Nat, but she's gone.- she realized how that sounded like and quickly corrected herself, -I mean, not gone. But...gone, you know?- you cringed at your own words and he snorted.

-Very smooth y/n.- he joked, earning a glare from you.

-Shut up, I'm trying to help here. What I meant that while I understand that things with Nat didn't end up in the best of ways, she went away to give both of you the space you need to get back on your feet.- you paused, drinking a sip of tea, then offring the last bite of cake to him. He shook his head, giving you a lopsided smile.

-Don't worry, it's all yours.- you pointed your finger at him, while chewing the cheesecake. He chuckled.

-Right answer. Anyways, what I'm trying to say here, Buck, is that you have to allow yourself to try again. Because you deserve it. What do you tell me about that person you said you were interested in? I've never seen you with anyone in the last three months.- he looked to the side for a moment casually.

-They're taken so, yeah.- he simply answered, shrugging while taking a sip of coffe. You got sad all of a sudden. You eyebrows knotted in a sad expression and he noticed, giving you a small smile.

-Hey, don't do that. It's okay. I'm not like heartbroken or shit. I'm happy for her.- he assured you, -She.. well she has a family. She deserves it, so I'm happy for her.- he nodded, smiling softly. You smiled at him too, still with a hint of sadness. He took a nother sip of coffe an then raised an eyebrow, looking at you.

-Why are you crying?- he asked confused. You furruwed your brows in confusion and wiped your fingers under your eyes, realizing that a few tears had escaped. At that point without a reason, you started to feel worse and embarassed and a mess, so you sterted to actually sob a little. Bucky got up and moved his chair next to yours, hugging you.

-Hey what's wrong? I promise I'm alright.- he laughed to try and lighten the situation. You hiccupped into his chest.

-I- I know..it's just.. I don't know, these stupid hormones are making me act hysterical.- you had sittle sobs coming out every now and then. He kissed your head while he stroked your back.

-It's okay, you're not hysterical.- he chuckled softly making you smile. You pulled away from him looking in his eyes.

-I'm a mess aren't I?- Bucky wiped a little smudge of mascara under her eye, and then smiled at her lovingly.

-You look just fine, darling.- she hugged him, whispering a 'thank you, I love you' in his ear.

-I love you too- he answered.

After that, they finished their drink and Y/n told Bucky that she wanted to order a few things for the baby so they did just that. They went in a baby-stuff shop and she choose and placed some orders for a crib, a baby seat for both the car and the kitchen and the changing table. You didn't wanted to buy them right away, so you told the shop to bring them at the tower when they wanted.

When you exited the shop, it was already six thirty pm, so you decided to head back at the tower.

In the car, you told Bucky about your idea to get a midwife to help you during your pregnancy and especially when it'll be time to deliver the baby.

-I don't know y/n... I mean I think that you don't need a midwife or some other stranger to take care of you and the baby. You have Steve. You have me, and Sam, Wanda and the rest of the team. Bruce has basically become a doctor of everything, I'm sure that helping to deliver a child isn't that hard.- he shrugged while keeping his eyes on the road.

-I can't and wouldn't expect you all to babaysit me for another four months, Bucky. You have missions, classes, a you know, your own lives.- he glared at you, probably wanting to intervene and contraddict you, but he remained quiet in the end.

-And, you really can't expect Bruce to handle this. He's a fucking physician for God's sake. He's absolutely amazing, but a delivery? No, that would be too much even for him. And I would be kinda embarassed, for crying out loud.- you added with a high pitched voice. You absentmindely started to cradle your belly. He thought about it for a few seconds.

-I don't know y/n, you know how I am with strangers. But in any case it's your and Steve's decision. Please, talk to him. He's been miserable this week without you. He wouldn't shut up about how he was sorry, and stupid and in love with you and that he misses your smile, your belly and I don't know, I stopped listening after a while.- he said exasperatedly. You suppressed a smile.

-Really? - you asked sheepishly. He turned his head to look at you for a second before smiling knowingly.

-You know it's true. Your fucking married, for God's sake.- he said, tired of you two being idiots. He could just imagine how it'll be when you'll become parents. You will be great at it, but also a mess at the same time.

-Hey, Whiny Soldier, how was shopping? - Sam shouted when he saw the two of you coming in the room with your hands full of bags. You didn't see him, but you just knew that he pursed his lips and shook his head.

-

You came back at the tower just in time for dinner. Vision and Wanda had aprons tied on their chests, while the others were just chilling in the common room. Steve was there too, beside Bruce.

-Shopping was productive, thank you very much.- you answered pointing for Bucky to put down the bags.

-Let me help you take these to your room.- he offered, but you gave him a look and he understood immediately, putting them down. You smiled and kissed his cheek.

-Thank you for being my human cart today.- his jaw dropped, pretending to be offended.

-Oooh- Sam howled and the others laughed. Steve smiled slightly, still mortified by your little 'cold shoulder week'  thing.

-You're lucky I can't tickle you to death right now.- he pointed his finger at you before walking to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

-Yeah, yeah, like you say big guy.- you teased him. You paused, shifting your gaze to Steve. He was wearing a blue hoodie and gray sweatpants, his dirty blonde hair were starting to get a bit long at the sides and a few strands fell on his forehead, while his jaw was covered with a slight scruff. His puppy dog eyes met yours and you couln't help but melt a little.

-Steve, are you well enough to help me with these?- you asked and even before you could finish he was on his feet. He almost tripped from how fast he tried to reach you.

-Yes I'm perfectly well I mean I'd love to help you. I mean obv- - you raised an eyebrow and he stopped, looking down. The whole team was watching in silence like it was a damn movie.

-I'm rambling, I'm sorry.- he said lowly. You sighed and places three of the four bags in his hands.

-C'mon. And you all, get a life.- you called them out while you two walked to the elevator. A few minutes later, after the short, silent, trip, you arrived to your room. He placed the bags on the bed and you did the same after closing the door behind you.

-Help me take off the price tags.- you invited him. He grabbed the bag, taking out the first garment. It was a white baby onesie, with Captain America's shield logo on it in white, blue, and red. His breath got caught in his throat and he suddenly let out a sob.

You snapped your head up in confusion, your features softening when you saw him. He sat on the bed, head down, onesie still in his hand. You put down the dress you had in your hands and went to sit next to him, since it would've been really uncomfortable for you to bend on your legs now. You hand went istinctively to rub his back.

-Can we talk?- he asks with broken voice. You tilt your head to the side to look at him with the shadow of a smile on your face.

-Only if you stop crying. Or else none of us will be able to talk at all.- he chuckles slightly making you smile lovingly. He wraps his big arms around you, nuzzling his face in your neck, your collarbones exposed due to the large shirt you were wearing. The wave of relief that washed over you in that moment was hard to describe.

-I missed you so much, baby. I couldn't stand the thought of you being mad at me. I'm sorry for being so impulsive.- he sniffed while he talked. You nodded, cupping his face gently. Steve melted into your touch.

-I know you are. And I'm sorry too. I know that I've been harsh with you these past days, it's just...- he waited patiently, -You're not responsable for only yourself anymore. I understand, please trust me, I understand what you wanted to do and also that you feel like it's your duty to do that. And it kinda is, but my point is- you shook your head realizing that you weren't really explaining yourself.

-What I mean is that you cannot put your life behind other's. Not for me, not even for the team. We're grown ass adults okay? Fow how much you can love us and we can love you, we are our own person. But this- you placed his hand on your belly, -This had been a choice. Your, mine. We both are responsable for this life. The same way I gave up my job, and the lessons. Now, I'm not asking you to stop going on missions, but I'd like you to be with me as much as possible. And that when you go, you'll be careful. Please, Steve.- you say softly, almost in the verge of tears. Again. You've cried more in five months than in your whole life probably.

-You're right. It was pretty hypocritical of me to get mad at you for the same reason in the first place.- he shook his head in disappointment. You rolled your eyes, adding -Work. I think we'll have to rearrange ourselves in this department.- you smiled and he laughed, agreeing.

-So, are we gonna get these off the bed and use the space in a better way or what?- your lips curled in a seductive smirk that quite shocked him. He recovered quickly, jumping on his feet and placing the bags on the ground in a split second. You threw you head back laughing at his eagerness, but you honestly couldn't blame him. Your hormones were a mess and your horniness at level 100, but you often were either sick, tired, hungry or he was. And not to mention the missions that separated you. So let's say that since you got pregnant the sex decreased noticeably, which was something that you wanted to fix. You phisically missed and needed him.

He returned to you and crashed his lips to yours, and soon enough you were a mess of tongues and lip bites and sucks that got interrupeted just briefly to get your clothes off. He didn't have anything under his hoodie, and you happily noticed that he was completely healed and that his weeks in the tower were due to the lack of new missions. You sincerely hoped it would last. After his hoodie, his pants and boxers were next. With you the situation was a bit more complex: first the light material shirt you had on had to be unbuttoned, then your tank top, the jeans' belt and the pants themselves. When you were left in just your underwear, a plain set of cotton white bra and panties, Steve stopped to look at your body.

He was in awe of you. He rose his hand and started a caress that began on your cheek, his thumb on your bottom lip, then descended to your now fuller breasts, to the curve of your waist to to your baby bump. At that point he bent down on his knees and kissed it softly.

-Hey little one, if you want to take a nap, now it would be a good time.- he whispered directly to the stretched skin. You let out a sound that was halfway between of a whine and a laugh.

-Steve, Jesus Christ.- you covered your face with your hands. You heard him laugh and stand on his feet again. He removed your hands gently, kissing you again with slow, agonizing passion that even let escape a ridiculous whine from your lips at the loss.

-Where were we?- he reached behind your back and unclasped the bra, sliding it off your shoulders and freeing your breasts.

-Mrs and Mr. Rogers I'm sorry to disturb, miss Maximoff would like me to inform you that dinner's ready.- you stopped hearing F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice. You groaned, annoyed at the interruption, but Steve suddenly started to push you on the bed and to lick and suck your boobs.

-Tell miss Maximoff that we have dinner here.- he responded biting softly your nipple, making you whimper.

-It will be done, mr Rogers.-

-Geez Steve, couldn't you be more specific?- you sassed with a deep breath, distracted by your husband's mouth. He snorted moving further down to remove your panties.

-You're already pregnant, couldn't be more obvious than that.- you started to laugh, but it soon became a loud moan when you felt his tongue licking a long stripe on your pussy. You closed your eyes and istinctively wanted to bring your hand in his hair, but you found an obstacle. A medium big, round and naked obstacle. You huffed and Steve stopped, tilting his head to the side, since now you couldn't even see him from between your legs.

-Are you okay?- he asked, worry in his voice. You sat on the bed, helping yourself with your hands. He returned beside you, waiting.

-It's just..ugh I'm so awkward and big and not confident if I have to be honest.- you say for the first time out loud. You wanted to cover yourself by curling your knees to you chest, but again, you swollen stomach didn't allow it. At that point you got even more frustrated.

-Damn it.- Steve places his fingers under your chin and made you look at him. His eyes were serious but not mad.

-Hey, none of that. Do you even realize the miracle your beautiful body is doing? You're creating a whole life in there, baby.- he smiled brightly looking in your eyes, -And by the way, you're still hot as fuck.- that made you laugh. He kept smiling while he made you lay down again on the sheets.

-This beautiful face..these cheeks are even sweeter now.- he peppered them with kisses making you giggle uncontrollably.

-Don't get me started on these ones...- his hands cupped your breasts while his mouth attacked your nipples and the soft skin. You moaned softly, your hand immediately in his short hair, your nails delicately scratching his scalp.

-But you know my most favorite thing?- he kept going, -This.- he was now between your legs, kneeled in front of your stomach. He caressed it and kissed it a few times. Then his gaze  locked in yours again. You almost felt hypnotized, both by his velvety voice and his touch.

-I love it because it's round and soft and most importantly because it's giving me a family. A baby. And you know who's giving me all of this? You are. So don't ever be insecure about this wonderful body, please.- you smiled at him softly. Soon enough the mood changed again when he spoke his next words.

-Now, are you gonna let me thank this stunning body like it deserves or not?- you felt the smirk in his voice, his blue eyes hungry. You mirrored his expression propping yourself up on your elbows.

-Would like to see it.- you answer. He huffs out a laugh and reprises what he started doing a few minutes prior. He took good care of you until you came on his tongue, and at that point you grabbed him to crash your lips together. You kept moving and bringing him with you, until he found himself laying down on his back and you straddling his hips. Steve's hands immediately went to your sides, trying to not move and let you do the work, even though all he wanted was to fuck you until you both could't anymore.

You kept you eyes on his while you stroked him a few times before slowly sinking on him. He squeezed both his eyes shut and your hips, huffing a long breath. That could've almost made you laugh if you weren't just as wrecked. Your hips started moving, back and forth, to the sides in painfully slow circular motions. At one point he grabbed your ass, sitting up and making you gasp.

-Doll I'm kinda struggling here- he breathed out kissing your neck while you kept moving. -I want to be delicate but damn.- he nipped at your sweet spot between your neck and shoulder. Your hips started going faster with the help of his hands guiding you and soon enough you were panting and kissing each other passionately and messily.

-Oh, Steve I'm almost there- you moan hugging his head to your chest. He moaned too, reaching in front of you with his hand to circle your clit.

-I'm right behind you baby.- he reassured you while in reality he was trying hard not to come in that exact moment. He craved you more than usual, not only beacause your body was actually so fucking hot to him but also because he hasn't touched you for almost two whole weeks.

Just a few seconds later you gripped his shoulders, hiding your face in his neck. His breath got caught in his troath at the way you clenched around him when you came. And as a cue, he followed you short after, coming inside you. You stayed like that, hugging and cuddling for some minutes, then he kissed you and moved you gently on his side, hissing slightly when you lost contact.

-Be right back.- he said going to the bathroom and returning with a wet wash cloth. He cleaned you up from both of your releases and then went back to throw the dirty fabric in the laundry basket. You looked at him with a lopsided smile, still hazy and quite tired from the recent activity. He mirrored your expression with messy hair, crawling in the bed to you and pulling you on his side after.

-I needed that.- you say. He sighed, -I definetly did too. How come we always end up having sex after we argue or talk?- he asked casually. You shrugged.

-I don't know, the important thing is that the talk comes first and then, the sex.- he agreed with a nod. You chewed on you lip a bit before speaking again.

-Honey- you called, he hummed.

-While you were away last week I started to think about how I will probably need more help in the future, you know. And the fact that you and the others are often away on missions. And I mean it's totally alright, that's work but... I felt so bad when Sam and Wanda were left behind last time. And just to 'babysit' me.- he looked down at you with a frown.

-They offered to stay behind because they wanted to. We're taking turns on missions all the time.- he responded. You barely noticed that he had started to caress your belly.

-That's not the point, you know it. The last mission was quite big. I know my work well enough to know that Fury would've sent all the team, if I weren't left behind. Also by now we both understood that this baby isn't a normal baby and that is why I'm so sick so often. Bruce can't be here all the time, and for how good and skilled he his, he's not an expert in the baby field.- he was listening to you intently, but he wasn't quite sure with where you wanted to go with this.

-What's the point?- he asked, moving a strand of your hair from your face with his fingers.

-The point is,  that I've read a lot in these months, and I think that we should hire a midwife. It would be someone that stays with me most of the day and helps me. An actual expert.-

-And how would you explain that our child has the blood of two super soldiers?- his hand motioned himself and you. You got up, towards the bathroom.

-Steve, we share the house with a god, a giant green monster, enhanced people, a witch, a kid that has the powers of a spider and an intelligent robot. I think it wouldn't be a great surprise.- you closed the door, peed and then refreshed yourself before going back to take some clean clothes. You saw that he was waiting for you to get out, probably wanting to shower.

-Okay then, I guess we can arrange that, if that will make you feel better.- he finally spoke. You kissed his cheek, already in your underwear.

-Thank you. You're showering?- he nods, the raises an eyebrow.

-Wanna join?- you laugh and shake your head.

-No, baby not now. I get tired quite easily and if the bed's already a bit difficult to work with, the shower must be a nightmare.- he pouted.

-You're right.-

-But- he stops the door before it closes, waiting for you to continue. -I want to fix your hair and your beard if you let me.- a lopsided smile opens on his face.

-Be my guest.-

-

After you sat him down on the edge of the bathtub, you shortened the longer strands on top with tiny scissors. After that you picked up the electric razor and groomed the sides, shortneing them but not removing them completely. You did the same with the beard, leaving a short, barely visible scruff. About twenty minutes later you were done. You put down the razor and took a step back to look at your work.

-Perfect.- you commented, brushing the hair that fell on his chest and shoulders. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, smiling.

-Is there anything you can't do?- he asked. You smirked, kissing him before starting to clean up.

-No, I'm a woman.-

*************

Tag list: @polarcrystall​    @a--1--1--3​    @silver-winter-wolf​   @jessyballet​

[primasveraas-writing]

Star Wars Preference- Hurt and Reckless Reader

Request: “Star Wars preference on how the originals trio + prequels trio + Rogue One crew would react to the reader almost dying? Like they did something real reckless during a mission, got injured, nearly died & now they're trying to brush it off, much to their partner's incredulity. Sorry if it's too specific lmao love u”

Thanks for requesting! All requests are currently open!

XXX

Anakin:

 Anakin is exasperated, but not surprised. He kneels down next to you, checking you over to make sure you’re too excessively injured. With one hand, he keeps you down, ensuring that you’re not about to bound out into danger again. Anakin raises an eyebrow high, sighing. “I thought that was my move,” he says, shaking his head. Although his tone is light and joking, the concern doesn’t leave his eyes. He can tell you’re okay, or going to be, but his heart is still pounding in his chest. But you just smile innocently, exhausted but safe, and he knows that everything will be fine.

Obi-wan:

Less capable of hiding is worry and weariness at your continued rashness, Obi-wan immediately demands to know what in the world you were thinking. Only half-sheepish, you grin tiredly, still trying to hide the blood seeping from your side. But he pushes your hand away, face growing ever-paler when he sees your wound. “Don’t ever do that again,” he says, hugging you to him suddenly, and you have to spend the next several hours reassuring him between lectures on “just plain common sense” that you won’t worry him in a similar manner again in the future.

Padmé:

Padmé runs to your side, holding you at arm’s distance to examine your wellbeing. Hair falling in her face, she is slightly disheveled, breathless as she asks if you’re okay. A smile flits across her lips when you tell reassure her that you’re alright, but her eyes travel to your wound, and her happiness fades. She hugs you close to her, calling over a medic and sitting by your side as you’re healed. Anxiety dominates her features, but she leans her head against your shoulder, attempting to calm herself as you put aside your pride, murmuring quiet reassurances to her until her shock faded enough for you to revel in the absolute glory of your reckless victory.

Luke:

Resigned to your impulsiveness, and already accustomed to recklessness by the nature of his closest friends, Luke only smiles at you, helping you to medical attention, asking repeatedly to check if you’re in pain and what he can do for you. You melt at his worry, letting him walk you to safety. Through the Force, he can feel the steadiness of your life energy; he knows that you’re no longer at risk of dying, although this was not a certainty just a few minutes prior as you plunged into danger headfirst. Luke tells you as much, but his tone is more admiring than scolding, and you know he would have done the same in your shoes. As a couple, you have a penchant for danger that just can’t be helped.

Leia:

Ever indignant, Leia is furious at your apparent recklessness despite your heroics. She rages at you, ranting furiously, ignoring the fact that you’re still bleeding. Although she helps you to your feet and supports you as you struggle to a medic, she makes it very clear that you have put yourself in this position, disregarding the fact that you did indeed save the day. You know her well enough to realize that this is just her worry, blinded by incredulity, and you press a kiss to her cheek as she helps you along. Looking at your face, she softens just a little, but scoffs to her self at the way you are, and holds you just a little closer to her.

Han:

Han doesn’t hesitate to scold you for your actions, loudly complaining about how near you were to death and how ridiculous you are to put yourself in danger like that. However, you know him and his antics, and you remind him of all the times that he himself has foolishly rushed into something without thinking, how many sticky situations you’ve had to rescue him from. Beside Han, Chewie roars in agreement, and Han, frustrated and impertinent, bickers with you all the way to the medic about the matter.

Rey:

Rey, ever sweet and soft with her lover, is at your side and comforting you in an instant. She brushes aside your thin attempts to claim that you’re fine, telling you straight to your face that no, she can clearly see the blood dripping from your side;  you’re definitely not fine. Her hands find your face as she surveys you, your eyes meeting her concerned ones. Lips upturning slowly into a smile, you reassure her that you’ll be alright, and you gently apologize for scaring her. She smiles back, letting the untempered worry flood her features, and she draws you into a hug.

Finn:

Finn runs to your side, skidding to a halt next to where you lay, trying to recover from the daze of your rapid, thoughtless action. Breathlessly, he asks if you’re alright, already tearing a strip of fabric from his shirt to press against your side, stemming the blood seeping through your top. He scolds you for your recklessness, shaking his head at your determined ways, but in his heart, he knows that you’re alright, and that he loves you all the more for your heroics and stubbornness.

Poe:

Shouting as he runs to you, Poe quickly is at your side, asking after you in a rush and ignoring your attempts to claim that you are indeed totally fine. Without hesitation, he pulls you to your feet, slinging your arm around his shoulders, mostly carrying you as you make your way towards safety. He’s not angry, that much is definite, and you can tell by his quietness and his smirk that he probably approves of your battlefield moves, even if you are stubborn and reckless. Poe sees much of himself in you for those reasons, and although he’s relieved at your recovery and the fact that you just made it out alive, the danger has passed and he genuinely appreciates your bravery and determination. 

+Jyn:

Jyn is not amused, but her frustration is foremost concealed by her concern. She rushes over, cupping your face in her hands, and asks if you’re okay, words coming out all at once so that you can barely answer her rapid questioning about your wellbeing. You can tell she is near tears, but you give her a gentle smile, reassuring her that you’re okay. As an attempt to prove this, you try and stand, but Jyn has to catch you when you stumble. Her exasperation is clear, yet she’s only scared for you, and she, in a stern yet shaking tone, tells you to be more careful and warn her before you ever try such a thing again.

+Cassian:

Angry at first, Cassian approaches you with incredulity and disbelief at your recklessness. His every move as a spy is carefully calculated and thought out, whereas you rush into danger without hesitation or a plan. Cassian scolds you for your impulsiveness and trying to downplay the amount of harm done to you, but his fear and exhaustion penetrate his words. More than anything, he doesn’t want to lose you, his fierce protectiveness dominating his concern and love for you.

+Bodhi:

With wide, worried eyes, Bodhi can’t help but to reexplain what he just saw you do, as if he can’t quite believe your reckless actions. Although you try to deny your injury, he exclaims that you’re clearly not okay, his words hurried and filled with concern while he oversees the medic healing you. You have little choice but to be subjected to his endless worry, unfiltered and rambling, but it is sweet nonetheless, a sure sign that he loves you.

+Baze:

Baze is incredulous and grumpy, but you know him and don't doubt that this is his way of showing his care for you. He hurries to your side after you get injured, and holds you as you come to from your daze of adrenaline and pain. Hugging you to him, he keeps you close and ensures that you are alright again on your own before dragging you to your feet, half carrying you to the nearest medic, lecturing you the whole way. Undeniably gruff and unhappy, he sits with you the whole time as bacta patches are applied to your side, but you manage to elicit a soft smile from him with a squeeze of the hand, letting him know everything will be alright.

+Chirrut:

Chirrut sits by you where you lay on the ground, waiting patiently as you regain your bearings. He is smiling gently, and offers a hand to you to help you up. He doesn’t have to say anything to chide you, coloring any concern with his support as he guides you to a medcenter. After assuring you what you already know- that you don’t have to pretend to be fine with him- he listens with interest as you try to explain yourself and attempt to justify your reckless actions, then give up and admit that just maybe, you didn’t think things through. Chirrut wraps an arm around you, telling you everything is all right; after all, you are both successful in your mission, and more importantly, still alive.

[lady-plantagenet]

What are your thoughts on Jaime x Cersei, Jaime x Brienne, Tyrion x Tysha, George x Isabel, and Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn? (Sorry for the long list!)

Glad to see someone else feeling charitable and letting me vent my unsolicited opinions 😂. Saved the George x Isabel for the last cause I’m sure it will be the longest lmao!

Asked Via: Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/627331607624302592/send-me-a-ship-and-ill-give-you-my-brutally

Jaime x Cersei: Despite it’s fundamental flaws, it is... titillating to read. The idea of people falling in love with their own other-gender counterpart is twisted yet so intriguing. I must confess that I am not as disgusted by incest as most people, so bear that in mind. The thing is, Cersei is definitely a narcissist with a lot of internalised misogyny and this ship just feels so justified to her character.

The issue is, and as the books go on, it becomes quickly clear that Jaime’s love is not as deep and as his appearance changes, and they no longer look identical Cersei’s own mental image, Cersei’s love also wanes and then you’re hit with how shallow it was. So I ship these two... but I also don’t because they’re toxic? Honestly, book-wise I am intrigued to see what will happen, if they end up together... or they don’t... either way I’m sure it will be quite a ride. You see, I’m not emotionally invested.

Jaime x Brienne: Oh the Sapphires... Obviously anyone who cares for Jaime’s wellbeing would want him to end up with Brienne as opposed to Cersei. I read this interesting theory recently on how these two don’t actually love each other but confuse their strong platonic feelings of affection for romance. You see, that’s also an interesting take as both characters are quite bereft off opposite gender friendships.

However, I strongly ship them romantically as well, Book!Brienne (hey show as well!) is truly admirable because based on her choice in men e.g. Renly, you can see how she had still not given up on her maidenly fantasies and I just love her for that, because true love isn’t something to which only pretty women are entitled. She in many ways represents salvation for him as she being a true knight in spite of her gender, can veer him back into the path of chivalry. He is most chivalrous around her, I mean, not only because her good conduct influences but also because he performs some of the most knightly deeds by cause of her e.g. rescuing her from the bear pit. I like this ship, it’s a good trope subversion.

Tyrion x Tysha: I find this one of the more heartbreaking ships of ASOIAF, because to me it represents Tyrion’s loss of innocence.

She is a haunting figure because of how small remnants of her memory were enough to pull Tyrion into the toxic relationship he had with Shae e.g. she too hard dark hair and there was music around when he met her. Its one of those weird (as @omgellendean put it in her brutally honest ask tag answer - a character who consists of only a name), but unlike Ashara Dayne, she is not idealised and given this over-the-top tragic story. So this elusive Tysha is an entity by what she symbolises: foregone youth and a sweetness that has no place in the ASOIAF universe.

Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn: As I said in my last ask. I cannot tolerate the romanticisation of infidelity, and that is especially when the male’s spouse is a wonderful woman fit for him and has done nothing wrong. I don’t have strong feelings against Anne Boleyn herself, as I prefer to see her as ‘Anne the Educated and Sophisticated Reformer’ as opposed to ‘Anne the Seductress’. Ugh let me just say... rule of thumb for whether it’s a good pair: Do thousands have to die for your selfish desire to be together? Yes? Then probably not meant to be. Just a thought.

I think Anne knew her own mind and I like to think her strong beliefs influenced her decision to breach this marriage (no I didn’t think she was her father’s pawn gah I’m sick of that term), but they were ultimately unsuited in everything and it was a passion brought about by Henry’s caprice. My heart breaks when I think on how Anne could have been happily married to Henry Percy. I’m also tried of this whole ‘master manipulator of men’s hearts’ reputation Anne is getting. You do realise refusing to be a mistress was not being a tease as much as it was just being a conventionally virtuous woman..? The girl knew her worth.

George x Isabel: Oh god. I promise to not start writing an essay. As weird as it is to ship dead people, they are my OTP, the main characters of my main historyfanfic, and frankly the most unsung couple of TWOTR. The fact that there are no records of letters or any particularly over-the-top romantic gestures by either of them, just intrigues me more because it was very much a relationship defined in subtle deeds. If you peruse the more academic TWOTR literature you can see all the fine but conclusive evidences of a devoted relationship: He posthumously enrolled her in a guild when he stayed there with his children (months after she died), he was buried together with her and her ancestors not his, how during 1470 he sent her to Exeter for her safekeeping while her mother and sister remained at Warwick and when a siege broke out he (and his father-in-law) immediately rode south to lift it and the amount of expenses and care he put into her funeral. Not to mention, the hassle it took for them to get married: years of trying to get a dispensation underneath the king’s nose culminating in them having to cross the channel.

The thing is, it had a lot of politics behind it and to be honest I don’t find that less romantic. It was one right for both of them: for the wealthiest heiress in England and the handsome younger brother and heir of King Edward - truly no one else would do for any of them. One of the things that grabs me is the medievalness of it all, how they were bound together by what was essentially a plan to reverse the country’s inevitable transition out of ‘bastard feudalism’. You also get a sense of how this marriage despite the ultimate failure of its purpose (to make George King) brought George the chance to establish himself as a major magnate through his wife’s lands which ultimately became his main source of power as opposed to his royal status. The relative peace that ensued after 1472 shows that his status as Warwick’s political heir (as Christine Carpenter put it) did something to placate the disapointment of not becoming king. So the way I see it, Isabel’s death took from him any of the satisfaction and peace she brought with her lands and persona as he once again reverted to his old (even more than before) reckless self. Not to mention the people he executed after her death in his grief believe in her to have been poisoned (most historians believe that’s unlikely).

Aside from that, in a society where pretty much everyone strayed (even Anthony Woodville had a bastard daughter), it is quite heart-warming how the man known for his treachery, happened to be one of the only ones loyal to his wife: no bastards or women were ever linked to his name not even in rumour. As for Isabel, she is quite a shadowy figure but you get the sense she was intelligent because of the care her father took in preparing her as his heir, because of her wealth you get this sense of majesty and significance about her. The two times we can deduce anything about her personality is a true supporter of her husband: once, when deciding to treat with the Yorks behind her father’s back to reconcile George to them, second, remaining steadfast to George when he tried to squirrel her sister Anne out of her inheritance. Based on the homage she paid to her ancestors, she seems proud of her ancestry so it’s quite intriguing to think why she made the aforementioned two choices, endangering her father and sister in favour of her husband. And oh god I’m rambling, I can say even more if you can believe it but I shall stop. Overall, one might think I’m wishful thinking but frankly Anne and Richard are touted as star-crossed lovers all the time and with even littler evidence to support it (not that I don’t ship them, I do). I might be subjective, but the story of George and Isabel’s life is just so compelling...

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[atopearth]

Samurai Love Ballad Party Part 10 - Sanada Yukimura Act 2

Yukimura is as silly and serious as always, and Saizo and his brother love to tease him as usual🤣 I guess this will focus on the aftermath of the loss of Shingen and Nobunaga, since Yukimura’s father thinks that this is the time to ally themselves with the Tokugawa but Yukimura doesn’t want to because he was a part of the motion that led to Shingen’s death. Yukimura’s agony isn’t unwarranted but his father is right that they need to focus on the present… I’ve missed Sasuke and Saizo so much, I love them! But yeah… Really can’t blame Yukimura for getting so mad during negotiations with Ieyasu when he dropped the heroine’s handmade donuts on purpose in spite, that’s something Yukimura definitely won’t stand for! It’s not good for negotiations but I don’t blame Yukimura for doing that, he’s that kinda person and it’s because he’s that kind of person that I love him😊 But even more impressive is how Yukimura handled the situation! He got mad, but he still ate up the donuts from the floor as if it was nothing, just because he didn’t want the heroine’s efforts and hard work to be for naught. He’s such a great guy😭😭

It’s terrible that the Sanada must sacrifice something in order to ally with either the Tokugawa or the Uesugi since they are too small and have too less power now… But sigh😭 It’s too difficult to have them give an important strategic area to the Tokugawa, so most likely they’ll have to agree with the condition to hand over a hostage to the Uesugi and Yukimura will be the one to go… But it’s very likely that the heroine is pregnant… What to dooo? So glad that he finally chased her back instead of letting her leave to protect him, but omg, so cute when he was so strict about her not using knives since it might stab her in the stomach🤣 Then he gets angry at the onion for tempting the heroine to cook hahaha.

I really love Kanetsugu so I’m really happy that Yukimura and Kanetsugu acknowledge each other for the men that they are and are able to even confide with each other on child rearing hahaha. It’s so cute how Yukimura is learning so much from him🤣 No wonder why Yukimura was so concerned over the heroine’s wellbeing when she was pregnant, his own mother hadn’t rested well or been taken care of properly after birth and that eventually led to her weakening health and her death… It’s kinda saddening that Yukimura and Nobuyuki have sided with different people, but I guess like Yukimura said, the only reassuring thing is that no matter who wins, the Sanada line will continue…

It’s saddening that Yukimura had lost the battle, but at least he survived to see the heroine and Momo again! But to think that a thief would steal the last bit of their money to survive… I do have to agree with the heroine that it was so saddening to hear Yukimura say that his spear isn’t something he really needs to care about as much anymore… But it’s nice to see them enjoy some peaceful days until Ieyasu came to get him to aid him in his wars to assert his Divine Rule. But Hideyoshi has also requested Yukimura to fight alongside him against Ieyasu too… What will he do? So sweet of Shingen to have thought so far ahead and have sent sake to Nobuyuki to give to Yukimura on his wedding day since he most likely won’t be able to see it😢 I’m glad that their wedding was truly a joyous occasion, the Nobunaga and Mitsuhide Act 2 weddings seemed rather solemn after all haha. But depending on Yukimura’s choice, I guess it could be the last time they can truly be happy altogether…

It couldn’t be helped with the person that he is that Yukimura would choose to side with Hideyoshi at Osaka Castle…but the most heartbreaking thing is knowing that he will most likely die😭 It hits even closer to home since I recently went to Japan and saw the rebuilt Osaka Castle, of which it told of the times it had been burnt down, in which the first was from the war with the Tokugawa😢 Yukimura’s tenacity is really one to be feared, he lost the castle, is injured badly, yet he relentlessly was able to push against the forces and get to Ieyasu. The only crappy thing is that he’s resolved himself to death and has asked Saizo to apologise on behalf of him to the heroine that he won’t be able to return to her, which is just devastating. I know Yukimura is a samurai that can only live on the battlefield and cannot live a normal peaceful life, but I’m still sad… I actually feel sorry for Ieyasu, he already voiced to Yukimura that he did not want to see him on the battlefield, so seeing him there made him hesitate, especially since he’s seen Yukimura’s kid and enjoys the heroine’s cooking, it’s hard to kill the man who has such a cute family waiting for him especially when you saw them so recently…

The only good thing that comes out of this is that there is finally a clear victory for the Tokugawa and now he truly possesses the Divine rule to stop and protect everyone because he is the one that will unite all under him… It was pretty terrible to see Ieyasu hand Yukimura’s blood soaked headband back to the heroine though, the one she so painstakingly mended and cared for, it was just heartbreaking… Sometimes I wonder whether it was really necessary for Yukimura to step into this war again, and maybe really, it wasn’t necessary, but he does have enough of a name to warrant authority and followers and I guess it was inevitable that he’d have to go back to the battlefield eventually since that is his duty and what he has lived for his whole life… Since it must have been so difficult for the heroine to have to live without him and raise their child…

Present day Yukimura is still the silliest guy ever hahaha, still so earnest, kind and self sacrificing, it reminds me of why I loved him so much, so it’s nice to see that they can get their happy ending there. Overall, Yukimura’s Act 2 was okay, I liked how there was the addition of a child and how cute Yukimura was as a doting father. The heroine and Yukimura were still so shy and blushy with each other despite them having a child already so that was kinda weird at times, since it literally made me think they actually didn’t do it at all until the baby popped lmao. It was also nice to see Yukimura’s warrior spirit and also I guess the continuation of history after both Nobunaga and Mitsuhide died… But yeah, it was cute and nice, better than Mitsuhide’s Act 2, but Nobunaga’s Act 2 is my favourite right now.

[pedroscurls]

Title: Sway With Me (Part 9.)

Character(s): Ike Evans and Sisi (original female character) Summary: Ben reveals what he needs from Ike, which ultimately leaves Ike with no choice. Word Count: 2,649 Warning: Name calling (derogatory name calling)!!! Author's Note: Ben just freaks me out, okay? Lmao. Enjoy! :-) 

“Nope. Take her with us. We’re going for a ride.”

Sisi was sitting in between Ike and Ben, clearing her throat quietly. She scooted closer to Ike, looking up at him with fearful eyes. Ike reassured her by placing a hand on her leg and leaning over to kiss her temple.

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he whispered.

Sisi nodded, moving her hand to rest onto his own.

Ben looked over at the couple and grinned, lighting a cigarette as the driver looked straight ahead with a blank expression. Sisi tried to look around to see if there were any means of escaping, but when she caught a glimpse of the gun that the driver was carrying and the man in the passenger seat, she knew it was not the right time to play ‘hero.’

“So, how long has this been going on?” Ben asked, interrupting the silence.

“What?” Ike replied, glaring.

“How long have you been fucking her, Isaac?”

“That is none of your business, Ben.” Ike hissed, his hand tightening around Sisi’s thigh absently.

“What you do is now my business, Isaac.”

Sisi cleared her throat, running her thumb across the back of his hand. She looked over at Ike before kissing his cheek lightly in hopes to calm him down. Now was not the time for Ike to argue with the man who was more than capable of hurting them.

“It hasn’t been long,” Sisi answered.

Ben chuckled, looking down at her. “You see, Isaac… Maybe you should take some pointers from your little whore here.”

Sisi widened her eyes, immediately bringing her hand to slap Ben across the cheek. He whirled his head around, bringing his hand to touch his reddened skin as his eyes darkened with anger as he stared at Sisi.

“I apologize… Was I wrong in calling you a whore?”

She tightened her jaw, fuming with anger. Ike squeezed her leg once more, bringing her back to reality. Sisi glanced at the two men in the front and remembered the guns that were clipped to their waistbands and with a sigh, she leaned back against Ike.

“I’m not a whore.”

“Are you sure about that, sweetheart?”

“Don’t call me sweetheart.” Sisi fumed.

“You’re a firecracker, aren’t you?” Ben laughed, exhaling smoke into the air. “Did you fuck her before this little impromptu trip, Isaac?”

Sisi was about to answer, but Ben shook his head and pointed a threatening finger down at her. “Do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. I’m talking to Isaac.”

Ike cleared his throat, looking down at Sisi. He was upset that Ben was talking to her the way he was and obviously allowing his eyes to linger along her frame like she was some piece of meat. Ike hated it and whatever Ben needed, he was going to give him what he wanted.

“Yes, we did,” Ike replied truthfully.

“How was it?” Ben grinned.

“It was great.”

“Oh, come on, Isaac. Are you really not going to go into detail?”

Ike glared, tightening his jaw as he held the intense gaze with Ben. Both men were challenging each other and Sisi was right in the middle of it all. Instead, they were interrupted when the car stopped. She looked around and noticed that they were at a building that looked to be abandoned.

“Ike…” she mumbled, looking up at him.

“I’ve got you, all right?” Ike kissed her forehead and stepped out of the car once the door opened for him. He helped Sisi out and kept a tight hold on her hand as Ben rounded the car, smirking to himself.

“Let’s talk business,” Ben chuckled, slapping Sisi’s backside.

“Do not fucking touch her, Ben.” Ike threatened, tugging roughly on Ben’s arm to have him turn around. “Whatever shit you have with me does not concern her, so leave her out of it.”

Ben snatched his arm from Ike’s grasp, stepping toe to toe with him once more. “I don’t think you have the right to threaten me, Isaac.”

“I don’t think you have the right to touch my girl either, Ben,” he retaliated. “Leave her out of this.”

“And have her miss out on the fun?” Ben laughed. “No chance. Now, let’s go.”

Sisi held onto Ike, looking up at him. He kept her close to his side, following Ben through the abandoned building. Ike sighed to himself; his mind was running constantly at various scenarios as to how get out of this. He needed to agree with whatever Ben wanted just for her safety.

“Have a seat, have a seat,” Ben smiled, motioning to the two chairs for the couple.

Sisi sat slowly, looking around the empty, dark room. Ike reached over to take her hand once he sat down, lacing their fingers together slowly.

“Ben, what do you want?”

“You need Senator Sloat to vote for legalizing gambling, Isaac. Do whatever you need to do, but make it happen,” Ben threatened.

“I know, Ben. I already know all of this.”

“No, you don’t, Isaac. Do you think I’m stupid? I’m a businessman, just like you. Senator Sloat is coming to the Miramar Playa this weekend and you need to work that Ike Evans charm on him. I don’t care what it takes, Isaac, as long as it gets done.”

“Ben, do you know how difficult—”

“I do not care. He needs to legalize gambling or else my business will go to shambles. You, of all people, know how important is it to keep a business running, right, Isaac?”

Ike nodded, glancing over at Sisi for a moment. “Right.”

“Don’t look at her. You’re talking to me. I can have two of my men take her into another room if she’s going to be a distraction,” Ben offered.

“Well, then maybe you shouldn’t have brought me here in the first place,” she mumbled, glaring in Ben’s direction.

Ben narrowed his eyes in her direction, shaking his head. He maintained a small grin and turned his attention back to Ike, walking towards the couple.

“Isaac, get Senator Sloat’s guaranteed vote to legalize gambling,” he said carefully, his eyes threatening.

Ike nodded, more concerned about Sisi’s wellbeing than his own. “Okay, Ben. Just as long as Sisi isn’t involved in any of this.”

“Right. Of course. Sisi…” he smirked, looking over at her. “Get it done, Isaac. I mean it.”

Back at the Miramar Playa, Ike led Sisi into his office where he was pacing. She sighed and gently took his hand, turning him around to face her.

“Ike…”

“I’m sorry, Sisi… So sorry…”

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered quietly.

“It is. My father always said to never do business with Ben, and here I am… I just wanted the Miramar Playa to be successful,” he sighed, resting his forehead against hers.

Sisi pecked his lips lightly, moving her hands to run along his chest soothingly. “It’s okay… You do what you have to do. This place will thrive with or without Ben, Ike.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this…”

“Stop. You didn’t drag me into anything. Ben did.”

Ike looked down at her and pecked her lips lightly before pulling away. “We can’t see each other anymore, Sisi.”

“W—What?”

“You’re on Ben’s radar because of me. If he finds out that we broke it off, he won’t bother to come after you.”

“Ike… I can handle myself.”

“Sisi, Ben is a dangerous man,” Ike reasoned. “We can’t—We can’t do this anymore.”

She felt tears sting her eyes. She grabbed her bag and draped it over her shoulder as she glanced at Ike. This was a man who she could see herself settling down with, but he was so willing to just end their relationship because of a threat. Sisi knew it was dangerous nonetheless, but that didn’t mean Ike had to give up on them.

Instead of replying, Sisi slowly walked out of his office. She heard Ike calling her name, but she simply continued walking. She kept her head and eyes downcast, not wanting anyone to notice her. Once outside, she hitched a cab and told the driver to go back to the University so that she could retrieve her car. Throughout the entire ride, Sisi wanted to cry, but she told herself that it was not worth it. She hadn’t been dating Ike for very long so whatever she was feeling was merely infatuation.

Right?

The next class session, Sisi had arrived early. She watched as Ike walked down the hall with his briefcase in hand and keys in the other. They simply nodded towards one another and once he unlocked the door, Sisi decided to take a seat in the back of the room.

Ike sighed, watching her take her things out as he glanced at the door to make sure no one else was walking in. “Sisi…”

“Good morning, Professor Evans,” she replied, keeping her eyes downcast and her tone void of any emotion.

Ike bit the inside of his cheek and nodded to himself, turning to face the board as he began writing with the chalk. Since deciding to call off their relationship, Ike realized just how badly he missed her, and needed her. Though, he couldn’t risk her life. Even if Ben didn’t harm her, there would always be that concern that it was a possibility that he would.

Once class began, Ike forced himself not to look at Sisi. He kept his eyes on the board or the book in his hands, but he didn’t spare Sisi a glance. He ended their relationship, and he needed to act like she was merely his student.

Sisi bit her lower lip. Hearing him talk and seeing him walk across the classroom made her heart ache. She yearned for any type of eye contact, but she could tell that he was avoiding her.

As class came to an end, Sisi quickly gathered her things and retrieved the assignment from her bag. She walked towards Ike’s desk and set it down, her eyes catching his briefly before he looked away immediately. She sighed, forcing herself not to shed a tear in his presence and quickly, Sisi left the room.

Ike watched her walk away, biting his lower lip. He wanted to go after her, pull her into his arms, and just hold her, but he made the decision to end their relationship. He didn’t want her mixed with Ben or anyone of the like, especially since she was trying to create her own business one day. He thought he made the right decision, but somehow, Ike felt more miserable without her.

A few days passed since Ben had taken Sisi and Ike unexpectedly. The lectures had become a way for Sisi to become stronger by seeing Ike. She didn’t know what she was thinking, but Sisi had hoped that Ike would give in and come running back to her. When he didn’t, it broke her heart even more.

During the weekend, Sisi decided to give Ike a call. She just needed to hear his voice. Sisi knew that after the couple of days since Ike ended their relationship, she was in love with him. Everywhere she went, he lingered in her mind. Sisi found herself pointing out various things that Ike would have liked or restaurants that they could have both enjoyed together.

Most importantly, Sisi missed having his arms wrapped around her.

Once the secretary picked up, Sisi cleared her throat and spoke. “Hi… I’m wondering if I can talk to Ike?”

“Who may I ask is calling?” she replied.

“A student of his. Sisi…”

“One moment, sweetheart.”

Sisi was put on hold and the other end of the line was silent. It felt like hours before Ike’s secretary answered, but it wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

“He’s in a meeting right now, Sisi.”

“Right. Oh, okay. I guess I’ll try him later.”

The secretary sighed, “He’s booked all day.”

“Yeah. Duty calls, huh?” Sisi laughed sadly. “Well, if you get a chance, can you please tell him to call me?”

“Of course. Goodbye, Sisi.”

She set the phone down and sighed, tears welling up in her eyes. Sisi knew that there was no way Ike was going to come back to her. He had more important things to solve than their relationship.

Ike was in his office, staring at Ben when his secretary notified him of a call from Sisi. Ben narrowed his eyes, glancing over at Ike.

“Trouble in paradise?” he laughed.

“We’re not together anymore,” Ike answered.

“Why not?” Ben arched a brow. “Seemed to me that she liked you a hell of a lot, Isaac.”

“Some things don’t work out, I suppose,” he lied.

“Shame…” Ben shook his head. “Do you think I can have a chance with her?”

Ike tightened his jaw, his hands curling into fists. “Excuse me?”

“Ah. There it is,” he laughed. “You broke it off, didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t going to work out, Ben. Leave it alone. She’s the least of your worries… Mine too,” Ike sighed. “You’re here to talk about Senator Sloat… You’re not here to talk about my ex-girlfriend.”

“But your ex-girlfriend is just as important. Prettier too,” he laughed. “Was it the sex? Couldn’t get it up?”

“Ben, that is enough!” Ike yelled, staring at the other man. “I will have Senator Sloat vote to legalize gambling. After that is done, I want you out.”

“Out?” he asked. “What do you mean by out, Isaac? Please elaborate.”

“Once gambling is legalized, do you really think Miami will thrive off of it? You and I both know where you’ll be most successful,” Ike answered.

Ben grinned slowly, nodding. “I didn’t think of that, Isaac. Good idea. Las Vegas is going to be a great place for me to call home.”

“Do we have a deal?” Ike asked. “Once I get Senator Sloat to legalize gambling, I will give you your share of Miramar Playa’s earnings and afterwards, our business together is done.”

Ben nodded. “We have a deal, Isaac. Make it happen… Or else.”

Ike tightened his jaw, shaking hands with Ben and leading him out of his office. Once he was out of earshot, Ike looked down at his secretary and arched a brow.

“Did she leave a message?” he asked.

“She did. She was wondering if you could call her back. I told her you’d be busy with meetings all day,” she replied.

“Okay…”

“The poor girl has been calling here once a day, Ike. Either explain to her where you stand or change our number.”

Ike nodded, “I’ll handle it. Thank you.”

Ben left the Miramar Playa after his meeting with Ike. There was no doubt in his mind that Ike could make Senator Sloat vote to legalize gambling, but Ben figured an incentive would guarantee his chances.

So, after finding out where Sisi lived (thanks to his friends who worked in the police department), he and three of his men went to her apartment. He wasn’t going to harm her, but Ben needed to send a clear message to Ike. He may have broken it off with Sisi, but that didn’t mean that Ben wasn’t going to use her to his advantage.

Ben noticed the way the two looked at each other and realized that their relationship wasn’t just sex. They loved each other and Ben knew it was the perfect chance for him to use Sisi against Ike.

Ben was going to get what he wanted one way or another. He was going to make sure of it.

Once at her apartment, he knocked on the door and smiled broadly. As it opened, Sisi gasped and tried to shut the door, but two men stepped inside roughly with Ben and the other trailing behind.

“Sisi, sweetheart, don’t fight it.”

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