#chicago med angst

[saragarnier]

Away from you pt. 3

pairing: jay halstead x reader

summary: Jay found you in your old apartment, packing all your belongings

Warning: None

A/N: well, i guess i have to write also part 4 now, stay tuned!

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One month passed after you left Chicago and Jay never gave up on you. Every single day, he tried to track your phone with Mouse, he tried to call you, hoping for your answer, and he used his power as a detective of the intelligence to find out if you used one of your credit cards somewhere.

For a month, Jay went home with the hope of finding you there, of discovering that you choose to give him another chance and every day he found himself alone in the house, with all your belongings still there. Sometimes he took out one of your t-shirts to feel your smell again and he discovered that he missed every single part of you. He missed the way you always prepared coffee for him too before leaving for work, he missed hearing your voice, he missed seeing your smile, he missed hugging you and cuddling with you on the bed before going to sleep, he missed your messages during the shift, and he missed searching for you at the Chicago Med every single time he went there for work.

He missed everything of you.

He missed you.

That day, Jay got home earlier after being shot on the job and he wasn’t prepared at all to find suitcases in the Hallway. He looked around and he spotted your ring, the one he gave to you and the one that was his mom’s before, on the kitchen counter, with a note nearby.

He walked towards it, and he lift the note to read it; there were only few words on it.

“Maybe you should give it to Hailey.”

Jay felt his heart skipping a beat, then he looked up when he heard something coming from the bedroom; he silently walked towards it, still shocked by the fact that you were there, you finally came home, and he finally had the chance to talk to you after weeks of silence. He thought he lost you forever and having the opportunity to talk to you was something he dreamed of for four weeks.

When he entered the bedroom, you were trying to grabbed a box that was high in the wardrobe, too high for you to reach for it. You gave up and turned around to grabbed a chair, but you stopped when you finally saw Jay in front of you, few meters away. He was still at the door frame, looking at you like he was actually looking at a ghost; he was skinnier than you remembered, and he looked like he didn’t sleep well for weeks.

You, on the other hand, looked beautiful as always. You were skinnier too but, besides that, you looked good.

“Y/n…” Jay was the first one to talk, whispering your name and looking at how your body reacted to his voice; you shivered at your name being said by him, the love of your life.

Even if you tried hard to forget him, Jay was still the love of your life and you couldn’t forget him or prevented you from reacting this way, especially when he was in front of you, as good as always. He was skinnier and he looked tired, but he was still beautiful to your eyes, even after what he did to you, even after seeing him having sex with someone else. You wanted to scream at him, you wanted to slap him in the face, and you wanted to go out of the apartment as soon as you could, but you were frozen and it looked like you couldn’t move or talk at all.

Minutes passed and there was silence between you two, then, finally, you found your voice again. “You should have been at work…” You said, gulping. “Will said you would have been at work and that the apartment would have been empty…”

Jay finally found the courage to make a small step towards you and, when he saw that you stayed where you were, he made another one, stopping right in front of you.

“I got shot on the job…” he said, lifting his shirt to show her a bandage around his abdomen. “I got shot and they sent me home to rest…”

Even after what he did to you, you couldn’t help but being worried for him; you made a step forward and you placed a hand on his abdomen, worried as hell. “W-What? Did you go to the hospital?”

Jay shivered, feeling your hand on his body. God, how he missed your touch.

“It wasn’t necessary… It’s nothing to be worried about, Sylvie looked at it on the ambulance and said that everything should have been good.”

“What? Didn’t you go to the hospital for a full check-up? Are you crazy?!” You exclaimed, pushing him on the bed and looking at him from above. “Take off your shirt, I’m going to check on you.”

You would have preferred to leave him and leave your apartment immediately, but you just couldn’t leave him there without being sure that everything was okay; you lift your sleeves and you took out the first-aid kit.

Jay tried to repress a smile, but he wasn’t able to. He looked at you, happy to see that you were still worried about him, happy to see that you actually cared about him still, even after what he did to you. Besides, having you trying to help him with the wound would have been an excellent excuse to talk to you before you left forever, because he knew that if you would have left that apartment, it would have been for forever.

He couldn’t let you do it, he couldn’t let you leave, not if he didn’t have the chance to explain everything to you.

“As you command…” He whispered, biting his lips and finally taking off his shirt. The bandage Sylvie put on him had a blood stain on the left side of his abdomen, where he was probably hit. Jay moaned in pain when you cut off the bandage, kneeling in front of him to have a better view and placing both your hand at the side of the wound. It still hurt, but nothing he wouldn’t have been able to handle.

“It went through…” You whispered, looking at the wound carefully. “Didn’t Sylvie talked about putting some stitches?”

“Yeah, maybe…” He whispered. “ She said that she recommended them, but I needed to go to the hospital, and I didn’t want to hear Will talking about how reckless I am on the job…”

“Well, Will’s got a point.” You said, shaking your head and grabbing all you needed to put some stiches. “You’re lucky I have everything I need here with me.”

“I’m lucky I fell in love with a doctor…” He corrected you.

Jay knew that he went too far when he saw your face; he wanted to apologize but he was interrupted by a moan of pain when you started to put stitches on him, not in the painless way possible. You had put stitches on him before and he perfectly knew that you were better than that, but he didn’t complain about it, after all he deserved to be punished for what he did to you, he deserved to feel some pain after how he treated you, after how you must have felt.

“Do not say it again.” You said, without looking at him once. “You have no rights to tell me that after what you did to me.”

You stayed focused on what you had to do, trying to not think about him having sex with Hailey, an image that followed you in New York and that persecuted you every time you slept. You remembered him on top of her every night and every night you heard him saying that he loved her again and again.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered looking at you and smiling when he saw you biting your bottom lip something you always do when you’re focused on something. “I wanted to talk to you and explain everything to you, but I couldn’t call you… I couldn’t find where you were.”

“Because I didn’t want to be found.” You spoke. “And I don’t want to hear anything from you; there’s nothing to explain. You slept with her for God knows how long.”

“That night was the first and the last one.” He immediately said.

“Liar.” You whispered, shaking your head and being rude with the next stich; you heard him moan in pain again, but you didn’t care. You were helping him even after what you did, and he still had the courage to lie to you? you couldn’t accept it. “Kim told me that you left work at 8 pm for weeks and I thought that you stayed at work trying to have a promotion while you were actually sleeping with your partner!”

“It’s true that I lied to you for weeks, but I never slept with Hailey before that night; we used to talk, just talk.” He replied, shaking his head and grabbing your chin gently, trying to look at you in the eyes.

“Do you really think I’m this stupid, Jay?” You spoke, shaking your head and trying to lower your gaze on the wound again. “And leave me, I need to look at the wound if you want to heal properly.”

Jay let go of your chin, sighing heavily and trying to think about what to say. How could he explain you what was happening in his head? How could he explain you for what reason he did what he did?

“I don’t think you’re stupid, y/n…” He whispered softly, looking at you when you finished putting stitches at him. “It’s true that we only talked for few weeks, I didn’t want to cheat on you, I didn’t plan it. I’m sorry, I really am because you don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve to suffer like you do, but you need to know what happened, so please listen to me…”

You didn’t want to listen to him, you didn't want to pay any attention to his words, you wanted to leave and you wanted to come back to New York City and forget about everything that happened here in Chicago, but you couldn’t leave without having a proper explanation. You spent weeks wondering with you had done wrong that brought him to cheat on you.

“Talk…” You spoke, while putting back the first-aid kid. “You have five minutes.”

“Working in the Intelligence is not easy as I want everyone to think… what you see on the streets…” He said, sadly. “I needed to talk about it, but I didn’t want to put all of this on you; I didn’t want to add my problems to yours, especially since I know that working at Chicago Med it’s not easy at all. I didn’t want to add all the problems of my job on you, I needed someone to talk and Hailey was there: she worked with me, she was my partner and she saw everything that I saw. I could talk about job with her and I could explain everything that came to my mind, but I never, never actually thought about cheating on you.” He said, looking at you in the eyes and placing a hand on your cheeks.

“Then why did you sleep with her? Why did you tell her that you loved her?” You whispered, not understanding why he slept with her if that was the truth.

“She kissed me and after that I don’t actually know what happened, it happened to fast. I know that I messed up everything and I have no excuses. That night I was with her because I tried to help a little girl that was kidnapped, but she was shot in front of me and she died in my arms. I was too shocked, it was too much, especially when I had to tell her parents that I couldn’t have save her.” He said, looking down at the floor. “When I told her that I loved her, I was actually thinking about you and, when we finished I… I couldn’t look at her… I came home and I was actually thinking about telling you everything the next morning, but you weren’t there. I was so worried that something bad happened to you that I was out of my mind.”

You listened to him carefully, then you got up and you cover your face behind your hands, confused. What was you supposed to do? Why didn’t he talk to you? Why did he choose Hailey over you? Was it real that he just talked to her for weeks? Was it real that he cheated on you just that night?

You didn’t know what to think, nor what to do, you just kept walking around the room, again and again.

“y/n…” He whispered softly, getting up and walking towards you. He wrapped his arms around your body and he hugged you gently. “I’m so sorry… please, tell me what I can do to gain your trust again. I still love you, y/n, and I can’t lose you. give me another chance and I will show you that I deserved it. Please.”

“I don’t know, jay… i… I don’t know!” You replied. “Let… let me think about it, okay?”

“Yes!” He said, smiling. “Yes, of course.”

Maybe there was still hope for them.

Maybe not everything was lost.

Maybe he could still repair everything.

Maybe he didn’t lose you, after all.

[halsteadlover]

𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

*Gif and pics not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Will Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Summary: danger is always behind the corner and you learn to never let your guard down when you find yourself in a situation between life and death. Will your husband be able to save you? Will he find you in time?

• Warnings: mention of domestic violence, stab wound, blood, cursing, Will is kind of a dumbass at the beginning (what can we say? Men…)

• Word count: 5642.

• A/N: I fucking hate how this turned out bye. I’m sorry for any mistake or grammar error.

That morning everything seemed normal.

You treated patients, cured some, discharged others and between one break and another you wasted no time going to your husband to give him a little kiss.

“What do you want eat tonight baby?” he asked. You and Will were in the doctors' break room during one of the aforementioned breaks, only the two of you in there. You were sitting on the small couch next to each other, his arm around your shoulders while you ate a bag of chips.

“Do you want to cook?”.

He looked at you for a moment and you chuckled at his expression. You both had to do a double shift that day so you knew neither of you would even want to go near the kitchen once you got back home.

“I’d like Mexican, what you think?”.

“Hell yeah! You know I never say no to Mexican food.”

He laughed at the enthusiasm you showed, meanwhile playing with strands of your hair. “Mexican it is then.”

You continued to devour the chips under your husband’s gaze who looked at you as if he had seen a mystical creature for the first time. “What? I’m hungry.” You babbled with your mouth half full.

“You don't even share with your beloved husband? So greedy.”

You glared at him before taking the last chip left in the bag and shoving it into your mouth, moaning heartily in his face. “No matter how much I love you, you know very well I don't share my food with anyone.”

He rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smile. “Wipe your mouth you pretty little bitch.”

But before you could reach for a tissue he came closer to you and licked the corner of your mouth, bursting out laughing when you pushed him away, wiping yourself with a tissue from the coffee table in front of you. “Ew Will you're disgusting!”

“Disgusting? You don't seem to complain when you take my dick in...-”

You covered his mouth with your hand before he could finish his sentence and let someone hear, feeling him smile as his eyes glistened at you. You should’ve predicted though that in true child style, he’d lick the palm of your hand.

“Will for fuck’s sake! Stop it!”.

“I can’t! God baby you're so easy to piss of,” he continued laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. You looked at him sideways before wiping your hand on his white coat. “C’mon give me a kiss now, come on.”

He wrapped his arms around your hips, trying to pull you towards him to kiss you while you tried to push him away by pressing your hands on his chest.

“No! Go away!”.

You continued to fight like children until, however, that playful atmosphere was interrupted when the door opened and Maggie entered.

“Here you are! Stop acting like lovebirds and go back to work. We have two new patients, victims of a car crash.”

After quickly washing your hands you left the break room, following Will and Maggie. You and Will exchanged a look before splitting up to go to the two patients.

The patient you took into your care – whose name you found out was Amanda – was in a critical condition: fractures of the femur and humerus not to mention the small fractures in almost her entire body, a sprained arm that would’ve required a cast, an internal hemorrhage due to the rupture of the spleen.

As you and the nurses worked to stabilize Amanda as quickly as possible, you couldn't help but notice something that bothered you quite a bit.

On her lower back, around her arms, on her thighs there were bruises that were not compatible with the dynamics of the car crash and which based on their almost faded color seemed to date back to some time ago.

“Amanda, did you have another accident a few days ago?” You asked her, your voice low so the rest of the team wouldn't hear you. She looked at you with a heartbroken expression and her eyes filled with tears before shaking her head.

“I'm just very clumsy and distracted, I often fall or bump into furniture and doors.”

Her voice was shaking and your heart tightened, knowing it was a complete lie.

“Amanda… You're safe here okay? Say one word, anything and whoever did this won't hurt you again...”

“No, no, no, no,” she became agitated and her heart monitor began to beep from her rapid heartbeat. “Please don't say anything doctor… He… Please. He's a good husband, he's just a little tired and stressed lately.”

“Hey, hey, it's okay Amanda, it's okay. I'm just here to help you.” You shook her hand and she nodded weakly. “But whatever he told you, it isn’t…-”

“It’s fine just… Just cure me.” She tore her eyes away from yours, bringing them to the ceiling even if more tears continued to fall.

It was clear that Amanda was a victim of domestic violence, she was literally terrified of her husband. You felt helpless, your heart broke for her even if you couldn’t even imagine what she was going through.

You were treating that woman knowing she’d go home and her husband would start beating her again. What kind of doctor were you if you hadn't helped her?

But how could you help someone who didn't want to be helped?

You should’ve called the police, but what would you have said to them? It was your assumption even if all the bruises and healed bone fractures were evidence of physical abuse, but you knew how the police worked, they couldn't do anything if there was no complaint from the victim. And you knew if you called them, Amanda would deny everything and it’d affect her worse than it already did.

You sent Amanda to run some tests and left her room after throwing away your gloves and washing your hands. Your mind was only focused on her as you filled out her medical records so much you didn't even hear Will come closer to you until he put his hand around her waist to great you, leaving a kiss on you temple.

“Baby you okay? How is the wife?” He asked as he picked up her bastard husband's newly created medical record.

“She was in critical condition but I believe she’ll make full recovery. The husband?”.

“He was luckier, he only suffered a few bruises and small fractures. The guy must be madly in love with his wife, all he did was ask about her and say he wanted to see her.”

“I think Amanda is a victim of domestic violence, your guy isn't in love at all,” you voiced your concerns before placing your pen on the papers and looking at Will.

“You sure?”.

“She has bruises all over her body clearly from days ago and her X-Rays show old healed fractures. Not mentioning how she’s terrified of him.”

“Wow…” Will breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “There must be an explanation…”

“Babe did you hear a word I just said? We have to help that woman. He’ll kill sooner or later.”

“Don't you think you're a little bit exaggerating a little love?” Will put his hands on your shoulders “If she doesn't tell you anything there's nothing we can do…”

“Will, he beats the shit out of her and God knows what else does to her!” You whispered/shouted with frustration. “She doesn't say anything so we let that bastard beat her?”.

“I didn’t mean that! What I was trying to say is just… Don't jump to conclusions, there must be other reasons why she must’ve gotten those bruises…”

“Oh yeah of course. She must hit herself on the side so hard she left a shoe imprint on her skin for fun. This really makes sense.” You snapped the folder close and walked away, ignoring Will who tried to call you out.

You were pissed off.

It was always the same exact story, over and over again.

How the fuck were women supposed to trust the system and report abuses when those who were part of this system didn't even believe them?

You talked to Amanda, stood by her side during her MRI and the other tests, keeping her away from her husband as much as possible.

You didn't force her to say anything, you didn't insist to let her talk about what was happening in her household. It wouldn't do her any good, you wanted her to know she had a choice, you wanted to give her as much time as possible to think about what to do.

“Whatever happened I believe you Amanda, okay? You don't have to be afraid and I'll be here to help you if you want.”

That was all you said to her about the topic and she nodded slightly before bursting into a liberating and heartbreaking cry. You stayed with her the whole time, hugging her and reassuring her that everything would be okay, that she wasn’t alone.

Yet she said nothing to you, nothing about her husband, deeply terrified of the consequences there might be.

She eventually fell asleep and you let her rest, telling the nurses to always keep an eye on her and to let you know immediately if anything happened.

“Dr. Y/Ln, Mr. Connell's X-Rays just arrived, Dr. Halstead left for another patient.” A nurse had told you as soon as you passed by their station. Your heart skipped a beat, realizing you didn’t meet Amanda’s husband yet.

You wanted so much to let him rot in hell but you couldn't, you had duties to fulfill as a doctor even if he was the most disgusting piece of shit on earth.

You took the envelope with the X-Rays and thanked the nurse before she went back helping other patients. You went to the bastard's room, taking a deep breath before entering.

You tried to hide your indignation as soon as you saw him lying on the bed, maintaining a professional and impassive expression.

“Who are you? Where is Dr. Halstead?” He asked as soon as you entered his room.

“I'm Dr. Y/Ln, he's busy at the moment.”

“My wife… Do you know where she is? How is she?”. If you hadn't seen the condition of Amanda's body you would’ve even thought he was really worried.

Son of a bitch.

You swallowed the anger that threatened to release words you’d regret and that you knew Amanda would pay the price for. “She's fine. She’s doing some tests,” you deadpanned before taking the X-Ray out of the folder. “There are no serious fractures, just a small one here on the collarbone…”

“I want to know where my wife is. Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?” He blurted out, not even letting you finish your sentence.

“Sir, as I said, she’s doing some tests. She was in quite critical condition and we’re doing our best to treat her,” you replied in a flat tone although your heart was pounding. The way he was looking at you made your skin crawl and your heart ached for Amanda and the fact she had to live with this piece of shit every single day.

“What tests is she doing?”.

“I’m sorry but I cannot discuss clinical details of other patients with other people.”

He looked at you angrily. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m her husband! I have the right to know how my wife is doing!”.

“Mr Connell I’m just trying to do my job. I just came here to show you your X-Rays, like…” You continued talking, holding up them again to show them to him but cut yourself off when he pulled the covers away from his body and stood up abruptly, making you take a step back in fear.

“What’s going on doctor? Why don't you want to update me on my wife's health status?” He stated through gritted teeth, taking steps towards you and looking at you menacingly. You slowly took as many steps back, your breathing quickening as fear took over you.

“Mr Connell, just go back to bed…”

“What did that filthy whore say to you?” He spat and you were about to rush to the door and run away when he violently pushed you against it, making you fall to the ground.

“What. Did. She. Say.” He grabbed your hair in a fist and pulling you back to your feet.

You squirmed to try to escape his grasp, digging your nails into his skin. “She didn't tell me anything… I don't know what you're talking about…”

He punched you in the face in response, causing you to let out a loud cry of pain as you fell to the ground again.

“Fuck,” you muttered, holding a hand to your nose and realizing you were bleeding.

In that moment you had a glimpses of what Amanda had to go through every single day of her life and you could really understand why she was so terrified of that man.

“Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about you bitch.”

You tried to get up but he grabbed your hair in a fist again and pushed you with force towards the emergency cart in the room, so violently some objects fell from it and some drawers opened.

“You piece of shit…” you spat as you tried to get up but he walked over to you and kicked you back to the ground.

It all happened quickly.

So quickly that between his attacks you didn't even have time to process what was happening. He was overpowering you and every time you tried to hit him so you could escape, he hit you back.

He pushed you on the floor, picked you up and tossed you around the room as if you were a garbage bag.

You were lying on the ground, curled up in a fetal position as you held your stomach after a painful kick to the stomach.

Your mind went to Will, wanting nothing more than your husband in that moment.

Baby please help me.

You lay down on your back in an attempt to catch some breath but a scream echoed through the room.

Your whole body froze and in an instant everything around you stopped.

What happened?

Was that scream yours?

A searing pain went through your abdomen and a warm sensation enveloped your body.

You lifted your head slightly only to realize in horror you had a pair of scissors impaled in your abdomen.

He fucking stabbed me.

You had treated hundreds of thousands of patients with stab wounds, you had always tried to reassure them, telling them you knew it hurt but everything would be fine.

But the truth was that you had no idea what your patients were feeling, the paralyzing fear, the excruciating pain, the terror of not surviving.

You don't fully know things until you go through them and in that moment, as the blood poured out of your stomach and smeared your red uniform, making it two shades darker, your body paralyzed by shock, you really understood how it felt.

Your chest rose and fell quickly as you struggled to breathe properly. Tears began to fell from your eyes when you saw the man bending over you and at that precise moment you feared your time had come.

You feared you’d never see Will again, that he wouldn’t find out until you were dead.

You needed him, you wanted your husband.

Please Will I need you.

The man pulled the scissors out of your wound which started to bleed a lot more, staining the floor red.

He looked into your eyes and the coldness he showed almost shocked you. They were glassy, empty, devoid of emotions and any trace of remorse.

“When you see my beloved wife, tell her to start planning her funeral.”

Without looking back, he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, leaving you dying and immersed in a pool of your own blood.

The wound burned stingingly as you brought your trembling hands to it to try to make pressure, but in vain.

How could so much blood come out of a not so big wound?

Sounds of throbbing pain continued to escape your lips, your breathing heavy, your heart beating wildly.

You tried to move and lift yourself up but every time you ended up lying back on the ground.

You were too weak.

What you managed to do was crawl on your elbows, leaving a trail of blood on the floor with every step you made.

You raised an arm to try to open the door. Your trembling fingers even managed to wrap around the handle but the blood on them made you slip and fall to the floor again.

Your breathing was starting to slow down, as was your heartbeat. That feeling of heat that invaded your body turned into cold, forming goosebumps all over your skin.

You were tired. So incredibly tired.

You just wanted to get some sleep and rest a bit.

So you closed your eyes, not knowing if you’d open them again.

Will looked everywhere for you but couldn't find you. He even looked for you in Amanda's room who, however, had told him she hadn't seen you for some time. He thought you were avoiding him but he couldn't think you had abandoned your patients just to avoid talking to him.

“Have you seen Y/n?” He had asked Maggie as soon as he saw her walk by.

“No, but I’ll tell her to look for you as soon as I see her.”

It felt like you had disappeared off the face of the earth, he knew you’d never have left without warning unless it was an emergency.

He tried to page you so many times, to call you on your cell phone but nothing, he received no answer. His mind tried not to immediately think something bad had happened, he couldn't even imagine it, but it was all he could think about at that moment since no one seemed to have seen you for a while.

He thought you might’ve gone to talk to Amanda's husband, knowing you would’ve tried to confront him. So he went towards Jack’s room but he stopped in his tracks before opening the door when his feet stepped on something wet.

He lowered his gaze and looking down he soon realized with horror it was blood.

He tried to open the door carefully, his heart beating wildly as he imagined all sorts of scenarios in front of him.

The door didn't open completely, as if there was some sort of resistance on the other side, so Will tried to squeeze through the small space.

But nothing could’ve prepared him for what his eyes saw, for what he never wanted to see.

His heart stopped beating for a few seconds when his eyes fell on the unconscious figure lying on the floor and immersed in a pool of her own blood. That figure he’d never, ever wanted to see in that condition, not even in his worst nightmares. YOU.

“Oh my god Y/n!” He loudly exclaimed, immediately kneeling next to you and pressing his hands on your wound from which blood was still flowing. You didn't react, your eyes were closed, your heartbeat slow.

“Baby, wake up… Please, please, please, open your eyes.”

How long were you there? Why hadn't anyone notice this?

“Somebody help me! Hurry up!”.

“Oh shit!” The nurse who rushed there screamed, putting her hands over her mouth as soon as she saw Will kneeling down, covered in your own blood.

“Where the fuck were you?!” Will exclaimed angrily, his mind completely clouded from the anger, the confusion, from the fear of coming too late.

“Oh God… I… I gave her the patient's X-Rays… There was an emergency and… And… I-I had to leave…” she stammered, shocked.

Will gave her a murderous look that would’ve killed her on the spot if he could. He knew it wasn't her fault, just the bastard who did this to you, but he couldn't help but blame someone in that moment.

He brought his eyes back to you, only then noticing the scratches and bruises that surrounded your face.

Oh baby what did they do to you?

“I'm here love, I'm here… It's okay. You’ll be fine. Just hang on for a bit.”

One of his hands let go of your wound to check your pulse, realizing it was barely noticeable. His heart tightened in a vice as he caressed her face, staining it with your own blood.

“Please wake up, please… Don't do this to me baby, you can't… You can't… I need you…” He kept repeating, his eyes starting to glaze over with tears after yelling for help again. Dr. Crockett, who was passing by at the time, intervened immediately as soon as he realized what was happening.

“What the hell happened?!” He asked urgently as he watched the horrific scene that seemed to come out from a horror movie. “We need to take her to the OR immediately, prepare four bags of 0 neg, she's lost too much blood!”

But Will didn't let you go, he continued to stay there putting pressure on your wound and keeping his gaze fixed on you.

“Will…” Crockett murmured placing a hand on his shoulder “She'll be make it okay? She’s in good hands but you have to let me do my job, you can’t be here.”

“Will!”.

Only then he seemed to realize Crockett was actually talking to him. He slightly nodded, reluctantly letting you go and watching as they carried you away.

He was in shock, struggling to believe what was happening was reality and not just a fucking nightmare.

He raised his now red and trembling hands and his eyes looked at them for a few moments, analyzing and carefully observing the blood he hardly struggled to believe was yours.

What the hell happened?

There was no doubt it was that bastard Jack Connell who did this to you and an anger he had never felt before ran through him.

He was furious.

Furious because he had allowed someone to hurt you, because he had failed to protect you, furious with himself because he didn’t believed you when you expressed your concern.

He was devastated.

Desperate.

It was all his fault.

He stayed there for he didn't know how long, looking at those hands that until recently were pressing on your wound, the same hands that until a few hours before were holding you and hugging you.

When he finally looked up around the room, he noticed what a dire, chaotic mess there was and it was clear there had been a fight before.

Only then he realized there was no trace of that bastard, that he had probably already escaped from the hospital and with the tumultuous coming and going of patients, nurses and doctors no one had even noticed him.

He took his cell phone out of his pocket, not caring he was getting blood on it, and with trembling fingers dialed Jay's number.

Jay almost had a heart attack when he heard about what happened and seeing his brother covered in blood was awful even if he knew it wasn't his. He was worried for you while trying to calm Will down. But he was still in a catalytic state so Jay stayed with him, helping him clean himself up.

Will explained to his brother it was probably Jack Connell who did it, he told him your concerns about him mentally and physically abusing his wife but that he didn't believe you.

“It's not your fault okay? I want you to understand this. It was his fault, it’s him who did this to her and I promise we’ll get him and make him pay for what he did to her, he’ll rot in prison. An attack on Y/n is an attack on all of us.” He tried to reassure Will. “She'll make it, she’s strong but she needs you now, she needs you to be by her side, I know you're scared now but you have to be strong for her, brother.”

Will was completely losing his mind while waiting for your surgery to be over, not sitting for even a minute as he paced back and forth in the waiting room, waiting at the same time some news from Jay.

When Crockett finally came out of the OR and announced the surgery had gone well and that he had managed to sew up the wound, Will couldn't help but hug him in the throes of joy and happiness.

As he walked to the ICU, he felt a weight pressing down on his shoulders, anxiety gnawing at his stomach to the point it made him feel nauseous.

His legs trembled as he approached your bed, his palms sweated, his eyes watered as he looked at you lying on that bed, unconscious.

He sat down on a chair next to you, taking one of your hands as his thumb caressed your skin. He pressed his lips on your knuckles, leaving a chaste and small kiss so light as if he was afraid of hurting you.

He sniffed when he realized a few tears had escaped his eyes, quickly wiping them away with his fingers. “I'm so sorry baby, this wasn't supposed to happen to you,” He whispered, looking at you while struggling to keep his emotions inside.

He felt terribly guilty.

It was his fault you were on that bed.

It was his fault you had to suffer.

His heart tightened as he thought about what you had to go through and he hated himself for not being able to prevent it, for not believing you.

He didn't want to think about how scared you had been, how terrified you were of dying, how many you had called for him but he didn’t come.

“I'm so sorry I didn't believe you, I'll never forgive myself,” he kept talking to you. “How can you be so beautiful even on a hospital bed? I really am a lucky bastard.”

He smiled faintly as he looked at you. “Please wake up baby, show me those beautiful eyes I fell so madly in love with… I’m begging you…”

He stood up and left a kiss on your forehead while stroking your hair at the same time before sitting back on the chair.

“I already miss you so much you know that? I'm sorry I don't tell you often how much I love you, I'm sorry I only realized now that I risked losing you how much you mean to me. Don't get me wrong I already know this, you’re one of the most important person in my life, God only knows I can't live without you... But I didn't realize how intensely and deeply you affect my life Y/n. You… Damn it…” He finished the sentence with a sigh as he tried to find the right words.

“I can't exist without you, I can't think properly, I can’t breathe, I... I’m nothing. You completed me, you always managed to fill the void I’ve always felt inside, you’ve always been that fundamental piece to complete the puzzle. Just… Please… Please don't leave me.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only by the beeps of the monitor connected to your heart. He left another kiss on the back of your hand, his eyes never leaving your sleeping face.

“I love you so much Y/n Halstead, you have no idea how much. I stop to think about our wedding day every now and then and you don't know how much money I’d pay to go back to that day and see you again in that beautiful white dress... God I would say yes to you a million more times and if we lived other lives I would say yes to you in those too because meeting you and marrying you was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life.”

“I'm so sorry…” He whispered, the words dying in his throat before he let out a silent cry, his forehead resting on the bed as he continued to silently pray.

“I heard you the first thousand times Dr Halstead…”

Will snapped his head to you, his eyes widening and almost having a heart attack when he saw you were finally awake and looking at him.

You had a small smile on your lips, trying not to chuckle as you looked at the shocked look on his face.

“Baby oh my fucking god!” He almost screamed before leaning over you and hugging you in the rush of joy and happiness. He held you tightly for an indefinite time, fearing for a moment it was a hallucination.

He let you go though when you let out a painful sigh. “Shit I'm sorry love.” He sat down again. “How are you? How are you feeling? You need something? Are you hurting? God I missed you so much.”

“The wound hurts a little but overall I'm fine...” You replied, your voice thick and hoarse. “What happened? Where is that son of a bitch? Is Amanda okay?”.

“He ran away after what… What he did to you and I called Jay, they'll catch him I promise. Amanda is okay, Jay questioned her and she told him everything, you were right about the abuse… I’m so sorry for not believing you.”

You nodded feebly, momentarily looking away from Will who kept his eyes on you with a broken look on his face, and you took a deep breath, more painful than you would’ve ever imagined.

Image after image of the attack replayed in your mind.

Of the screams no one seemed to hear.

Of the prayers to let you go.

Of his hands punching you and throwing you against the walls and objects in the room as if you were garbage.

Of his feet kicking you.

Of those scissors that had torn your skin and stabbed you.

“Oh baby.” You felt Will's thumb wipe away a tear that had slipped down your temple without you even realizing it. “C’mere.”He stood up and hugged you as best he could again, being careful this time not to hurt you. “It's okay, you're here with me now and you're safe. That piece of shit won't hurt you again I promise.”

It was as if that hug had triggered something inside you and you burst into tears, lifting your arms and encircling his chest while venting all the suppressed emotions.

“I was… I was so scared Will… T-that I wouldn't see you again…”

Will pressed his lips to your forehead, leaving a sweet and long kiss as he savored and thanked the angels for still giving the opportunity to do it.

“I know darling, I know, I can't even imagine what you went through…”

He stroked your hair, your skin marred by scratches and bruises. “It shouldn't have happened to you, I'm so sorry my love. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you...” he kissed you again. “But you're safe now okay? Now you're here with me, you're safe, and unless I’ll die I'll never let you out of my sight again.”

You giggled through your tears, hugging again the man you loved more than anything else.

“I love you so much more Will Halstead, it's not your fault okay? Please always remember that, it wasn't you who did it but that son of a bitch.”

He didn't answer but held you tighter, hiding his face in the crook of your neck while your fingers ran through his fluffy hair. Your heart broke when you realized he was crying.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You really think I would leave you? Who would’ve made your life a living hell if I died?” You tried to ease the tension. “Oh baby I love you so much.”

“I thought I lost you… When I found you there…” His words came muffled but he stopped, not even being able to finish the sentence. He didn't want to think about those horrible moments anymore, about the fear he felt, even though he knew those images would never leave his mind.

A feeling of anguish took hold of you after hearing he was the one who found you. You couldn't imagine how horrible it was to find your wife, your partner, the person you care about most, almost dying.

“Shh it’s okay,” you whispered “Look at me.”

He slightly lifted his head and if your heart wasn't broken enough already, it was in that moment. You cupped your hands over his face, wiping away his tears with your thumbs. He leaned into your touch, looking at you as if you were one of the seven wonders of the world.

“I'm here, I'll get better. It’s. Not. Your. Fault. If anything you saved me baby, if you hadn't found me I would’ve probably bled to death so stop blaming yourself okay? Do it for me.“

He nodded and you smiled before pressing your lips to his in a sweet, gentle kiss.

“I’m so sorry love I don’t want to make this about me,” he said wiping again his tears and you both chuckled.

“Yeah yeah, sure, you egocentric bastard.” You rolled your eyes and burst out laughing at the same time even if you stopped immediately after, holding your stomach. “Fuck it hurts.”

“I know you’re so funny baby but take it easy.”

Despite everything, despite the pain, the anxiety and the terror of dying, the fear of never seeing that red hair again, of never hugging him, you were so grateful for still being there. You were grateful to life for giving you another opportunity, for allowing to live, to cry again, to love.

General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @halstead-severide-fan, @mrspeacem1nusone, @allivs, @omniaimy, @cursedashes, @kmc1989, @klovesreading, @firetruckstuckley

Will Halstead tag list: @rsquared31, @s1lverhand, @novabckly, @thebejeweledwatercat

Click here to be added to the tag list ❤️

Main Masterlist

Will Halstead Masterlist

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[siriustaylorsversion]

Playing it cool- Jay Halstead x reader

pairing: jay halstead x reader

summary: you work with a team of detectives that are slowly catching up on your pining but you both are still oblivious..(just pining)

content: fluff, reader being oblivious, jay pining HARD part 1 one chicago fics general masterlist

🎧: in between by gracie abrams

yourusername

yourusername chicago summers>>>> (i literally stop functioning in the winters) liked by jay_halstead, connor.rhodes and others.

hails_upton pretty pretty girl <33

yourusername no, you 💋

kev.atwater now who's the guy you're talking about in the second picture?

jay_halstead you're asking the real questions, detective kev.atwater man shut up, you wish it was you jay_halstead KEV STOP??

kim.burgess i know who she's talking about ;)

yourusername oh hush jay_halstead tell me and i'll cover all your shifts for this week kim.burgess no <3 jay_halstead this MONTH kim.burgess i'm thinking about it... yourusername don't you dare. kim.burgess sorry man, she'll kill me if i do...

will.halstead please keep my brother, he won't stop talking about you.

kev.atwater i agree jay_halstead PLAYING IT COOL- DO YOU WANT ME TO SPELL IT OUT??

jay_halstead

jay_halstead heard we're appreciating chicago summers? liked by jay_halstead, yourusername and others.

yourusername now i am...

jay_halstead what? yourusername what. kev.atwater WHAT

kev.atwater boy if you don't cover yourself up

yourusername shut up, kev kev.atwater excuse me?? jay_halstead yeah, shut up kev :)

kim.burgess

kim.burgess he wants to read my messages and find out about who y/n was talking about so bad 😭 liked by jay_halstead, yourusername and others.

jay_halstead TELL ME

kim.burgess NO!!

yourusername i guess we'll never know

jay_halstead i'm literally a detective, love, i'll find out yourusername 'literally a detective' says the most oblivious person i've ever seen jay_halstead what is that supposed to mean? kev.atwater it could not have been more clear, man.

jay_halstead

will.halstead appreciation post for my favorite people liked by jay_halstead, yourusername and others.

yourusername i got two pictures 💪🏻

will.halstead you literally forced me jay_halstead as she should yourusername thank you, jay!! see someone understands will.halstead uh huh...

jay_halstead first and last picture are the best in my personal opinion

yourusername agreed will.halstead of course they are... in your personal opinion kev.atwater "in my personal opinion" 🤓☝️ jay_halstead "shut up, kev"

yourusername

yourusername hi :) liked by jay_halstead, connor.rhodes and others.

jay_halstead SDHBAWBEJHBFSJHDS

yourusername ?? kim.burgess i told him who the text was about yourusername awwhh 😭

jay_halstead if i had a doctor as pretty as you, i'd want to fall sick

kev.atwater man shut up jay_halstead i'm not throwing away my shot?? yourusername okay, hamilton kev.atwater 😭😭😭

lemme know if you want a part three <3

[sailingfireshipz]

STELLARIDE NATION MAKE SOME NOOISE!!! Let the spiraling commence. I need all your theories, wants, and needs for tonights 3-hour extravaganza. It's definitely going to be a movie. The music score used in that sneak peak definitely sets the tone for some intense television. I'm ready to ball my eyes out.

[lure-of-writing]

Chicago PD/Med Masterlist

Jay Halstead

Not today

Summary: You were partners long before Hailey was. It didn't help that you were in love with him

Not like I used to part 2

Summary: Finally you were able to move on

Out of love with you

Summary: He wasn’t even sure when it happened or more importantly, how. Like everything else it was slow at first, not noticeable by even the most trained eye, but eventually anyone within a twenty foot radius could tell he wasn’t even close to being in love with you.

Connor rhodes

My Love

Summary: If one thing about life was guaranteed, it's that absolutely nothing about life is guaranteed. Waking up, going to work, coming home at the end of the day, none of it was promised.

[bluebirdsboi]

Dawn | Connor Rhodes x Male Reader | 18+

Fandom: Chicago Med

Genre: Angst, Implied Smut | Songfic: Haunted by Laufey

Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Male Reader

Warnings: Sexually suggestive

Word Count: 749

~ Requests are clsoed ~ Taglist is open

!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!

Key

Italic text = Song lyrics

(Y/n) = Your name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey guys, this did turn out a little shorter than I would've liked, but I'm okay with it. Requests are still closed, but you can still show support with likes, comments and reblogs. My taglist is open, so if you want to be tagged in future fics, send me a DM or an inbox message and tell me which fandoms you want to be tagged for, or if you're okay with anything. In other news, I'm still working on the second chapter of my The Last of Us fic and the first chapter of an Anyone But You fic that I plan on being a trilogy. Both will be on my second blog as well as my AO3 and Wattpad, so I'd appreciate if you check those out. The masterlist for Chicago Med will be up later tonight and Chapter 1 of the Anyone But You fic should be up also later tonight or tomorrow, so until then, thank you for reading <3.

One more kiss, wine stained lips I don't want to go to sleep yet Pale moonlight, misty eyes I'll allow myself to have him just tonight

Connor's hands felt warm against your biceps. His lips, soft, yet passionate against your bare shoulder. You lose yourself in the feeling, savoring every second because you know that it won't last. "Connor-" "Shhh." You felt his chest against your back as he tilted your face to catch your lips. All he wanted to do was stay in that moment for as long as he could. The feeling of his lips dancing with someone else's was intoxicating, and you let yourself become enamored with the sensation.

I hold on to every ounce of sin I know he don't love me quite like I love him

He slowly guides you to the bed as he kisses down your neck, causing you to sigh and moan in ecstasy. His lips and breath continue to trail down your body, but you know that this situation means different things to both of you. You want this to keep going for as long as it can, even past tonight, but for Connor, it's just another way to change up his night. Regardless, neither of you cared and just wanted each other.

I swear to myself as he leaves at dawn This will end, 'til he haunts me again

Just before dawn started to break, you felt Connor moving on the other side of the bed. You rolled over just to see him, even if he wasn't facing you, which he wasn't. An urge to ask him to stay started to rise, but you decided against it. "I'll, uh.. see you later today (Y/n)." Every part of you wanted to grab him by the arm and pull him back in bed, but you told yourself that this was just a situational thing. You just got caught up in the moment and now, that moment has passed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose perfume, low-lit room I'll pretend you'll stay forever Lay me down, ghostly sounds

"Oh, come on. You know you can always talk to the guy." You were in the break room and telling April about what happened last night with Connor. It was still so vivid in your mind, the moonlight that crept through the window, the way he caressed your arms, you swear you could still feel his lips on your shoulder. You wanted to tell Connor how you really felt about him, but after last night and knowing that he's just going to move on like nothing happened held you back. "It won't matter. It was just a one-night stand type of thing, you know?" April felt somewhat bad for you because she knew how much you wanted to be with Connor. "Well, if you ever feel up to it, you know where to find him. Just find the right time." April gave you a pat on the shoulder before she left. She could tell you needed a minute alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Haunt the hallways as he wraps me around

The evening just began to settle when you heard a knock on the door and decided to answer. Connor standing in front of the door frame was the last thing you expected, but then again, you weren't expecting anything. He couldn't even explain why he was at your doorstep, but you welcomed him in, regardless. Despite your feelings, you could still be cordial with Connor, albeit they peeked through when you sat a little closer to him than you should have on the couch.

And I hold on to every ounce of sin I know he don't love me quite like I love him

The night got dangerously close to a repeat of what happened the night before, and what tipped it over the edge was when his arm found itself around your shoulders. Before you knew it, your lips were intertwined with each other's in your room, both of your shirts cast to the wayside, the rest of your clothes soon to follow.

I swear to myself as he leaves at dawn This will end, 'til he haunts me again

The sunlight was just starting to stream in through your window as you recounted what happened the previous night, remembering everything you did with Connor. You wanted to believe that he stayed this time, but you already know the truth. You didn't bother tuning over because you knew there was nothing to see on the other side of the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @houndsoforion, @jinniemyl0ve, @zoloft3

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Relationships Can Kill

Well I have no motivation or ideas to write part three and i also started school last Wednesday so I've been busy, this is gonna be a short one since i had the urge to write something. I finally got to watching the episode where will leaves and that episode was so chaotic and i cried a little. This is also based off before Jay resigns and leaves. While doing this i was researching best universities to study medicine. Even though I'm only a sophomore in high school. (This is old i started school like a month ago)

Summary: You and your older brother Nate get into a heated argument over rumors, but did he know that his last words to you would be so brutal?

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Angst, Arguing, Fighting Drinking/Hungover, and death (My bad for this)

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You walked off the bus excited because Jay let you doordash tonight and it was friday AND Jay and Will were coming home from their brother bonding trip. You punched the numbers into the keypad and closed the door behind you. You were very thankful that Jay and Hailey had gotten a house and let both you and your brother move in with them.

“Hey Nate, wanna go play hockey with me on the lake” Nate could basically do everything but the thing he did the most was hockey, he promised to teach you so both you and him could compete against each other during the winter.

“No, I'm busy,” Nate said quickly. “Okay, do you want anything from Panda Jay let me doordash some tonight” You said “No i wouldn't wanna mess up your date with my girlfriend” Nate Spat.

“Girlfriend? I dont even like your girlfriend and i'm pretty sure she hates me so why on earth would i-” Nate cut you off and started yelling.

“I WOULD BELIEVE HER ANY DAY OVER YOU, now get outta my way, i hate you so much” Nate slammed the front door and you just stood there shocked. Instead of crying or running after him you pulled your phone from your pocket and ordered your food.

After eating dinner and getting your homework done you went ahead and texted the family group chat but only one with Will,Jay, and Hailey.

The Cops and Doctors

Y/n- When will you guys be home?

Hails <3- Soon, i have to finish this case. Do i need to bring home food

Y/n - No, Jay gave me money for Doordash

Hails <3 - Alright, I'll see you later.

Y/n - Bye Hailey

Hails <3 Bye Hailey.

You closed your messages app and decided to watch some tik tok since you would probably be bored until everyone got home.

Crash, you whipped your head to see 4 men dressed in all black standing in your room…Now you wished Nate was here.

***

Hailey walked in and the house was sortta quiet, the tv and the lights were still on but otherwise that's it. “Y/N? NATE?” Hailey shouted, nothing. Maybe they're sleeping or they're in the shower, she thought.

When Hailey peaked through Nate's door he wasn't there, Hailey knocked on your door “Y/n are you decent” Again nothing. “Y/n?.... Y/n i'm coming in” Hailey said as she was turning the doorknob.

When Hailey opened the door any happiness she had went outside the window. “Shit shit shit, NATE! NATE”

No response. Hailey didn't have time to worry about him; you were dying on the floor and you were her biggest priority.

“Y/n Halstead you do not get to do this to me, your brothers and everyone, you can't, cmon,cmon” Hailey screamed as she continued CPR.

“Hails, Y/n, Nate I’m home” Jay screamed. He waited for you to come screaming and running to him like you always did but this time you didn't, this time all jay could here was screaming and sobbing.

Jay pulled out his gun and slowly walked up the stairs of the house and walked to your room where the screaming came from. What he saw next made him freeze for about ten seconds before dropping the gun to the ground and immediately sliding over to and hailey.

“What happened?” Jay sobbed, “I-I don't know I came home and just found her like this.” Hailey replied as she CPR. Jay looked around your room and it was completely ransacked. Your dresser drawers were open and clothes either hanging from them or out of them, papers on the floor, and all your electronics were gone. Your tv, Computer, Phone, and they even somehow found your burner phone you could use to call someone in case of an emergency where you didnt have your phone because you were grounded.

“Hailey let me take over, you're getting tired.” Nothing, hailey didn't even look up from you. Jay pushed her off of you, not really a push but kinda scooted her away and continued CPR. Hailey ran to get her phone and punched in the numbers to call 9-1-1.

***

“Any sign of him?” Will asked. Nobody knew where Nate was, and his friends weren't telling anybody anything. “No, they have Adam outside the house just in case he turns up at the house” Even though the family used Life360, Nate turned his phone off. Typical of him.

Just then Connor walked into the waiting room. Will knew that face he had on very well, he knew it all too well because he would be the one to deliver the news sometimes.

“How is she?” Jay asked whistl standing up from the chair. Connor shook his head. “She didn't make it, I'm so sorry” “Bu-but you found a pulse you-you said that she was gonna make it” Jay said whilst holding back his tears.

“One of her rooms puntcered the carotid artery. I'll explain it to you when you're ready or whenever both of you are ready. Will can explain but otherwise wise i'm so sorry i couldn't have done more.” You could hear by voice that he wanted to cry but he had to hold it together for Will and Jay.

“Can we see her?.” Jays voice quiet. Connor led the brothers to the room you were in. “Oh y/n, we're so sorry” Will choked as he stroked your bruised Knuckles. Jay stood there, not moving, not reacting, not talking. His sister, his little sister, his only sister was gone, and you were never coming back.

***

6am, 6 fucking am is when your brother came back, hungover af. He looked like he drank like there was no tomorrow.

Jay nor Will was in the house. Both of them couldn't stay in that house with what happened, plus Will didn't trust Jay to be by himself so they were both at Will's apartment.

“Where have you been?” Hailey said. The whole team was doing an investigation along with another team as well. “I was out on a run” His words slurred. “Drinking? You think I don't know the signs of someone being hungover. Nate, your sister is in the hospital.” Hailey was holding back on saying you were gone. “What why?” Nate froze “Because whilst you were gone someone broke in and stabbed her to death.” Hailey cried.

“What? It was only supposed to be a joke” He mumbled. “What?” Hailey stopped fidgeting with her fingers. “It was supposed to be a joke, pay back, they were only supposed to scare her and pretend to take her stuff, they weren't supposed to kill her.” Nate said.

“Hey Adam and Kev, downstairs now, we've got him” Hailey said into her radio. “Nathanyal Halstead you're being arrested for the murder of y/n Halstead, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be used against you in the court of law” Adam said as he arrested the teen. “She was a good sister and she was your only sister, now you're gonna suffer the consequences of a Practical joke” She whispered into his ear.

Hailey wanted to be the one who broke the news to will and jay. They did do an autopsy and it did show that you put up a fight. did Nathanyal say who was also involved in your murder for his sentence to go down. 50 years in prison without chance of parole. During your funeral you were named a Hero and an amazing person to all. Even though you didn't get to be a future doctor they put up a Memorial outside med and that was their way of honoring your Dream.

The fact is i'm also learning about the human body sometimes while I'm writing chapters because i like my information to be somewhat correct. 

[sayafics]

Just For A Moment - Part 6

I am feeling emotional, so what better way to channel it than angsty angst </3

I thought I'd do part 6 with a bit of insight on Hailey's emotions, and give a bit more context of that night.

TW: (slight) dub-con? (Depends how you would read the scenario), angst, mentions of cheating

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Masterlist

Jay had caught Hailey's eye from the first moment she had seen him. Her eyes followed his every move and traced over every freckle. So when she was able to build a tentative friendship with the man, she had reluctantly allowed hope to build in the pit of her heart praying something would happen.

But it wouldn't. Or at least, it couldn't.

Not when his heart was already held in the hands of another.

Hailey's heart beat for Jay, but his heart belonged to another, and his heart sang for the same girl Hailey found herself growing envious towards as the day passed.

Aurora looked nothing like her - dark hair, free-flowing curls, tanned skin, a bright smile, and glowing eyes. Aurora was everything she wasn't, everything she couldn't be, and that's why Hailey wasn't surprised to learn that Aurora had gotten to him before she ever had the chance.

Still, she told herself it was platonic - the friendship she shared with Jay. An innocent friendship she hid her longing behind, accepting every friendly pat or cheery grin with a perfectly placed mask of contentment.

She would take what he would give.

She had taken what he gave. She had taken, and taken, and taken. Until she could no longer do it.

Maybe it was because she had one too many drinks, or because the last case had hit her in a vulnerable place she had long forgotten about - or maybe she was just cruel and selfish, and had to have whatever it was she wanted.

Hailey had never been selfish, never had the chance to be. So what would be the harm if she was selfish just this once.

That was what she had told herself when he trudged towards Jay's apartment that night. Feigning panic and using the heartache she had felt for so many months - seeing Jay in the arms of another woman - as a mask to convince him. To convince him she needed him. She needs him.

She had cried in his arms, she asked him to hold her - begged. And he had. He was a good friend.

But she didn't want that, she wanted more.

When she risked a glance at him, his eyes glassy and unfocused despite his best attempts to do so, she took her chance. A light kiss, her lips barely brushing against his own as she held her breath.

She pulled back, surveying his expression and waiting.

Waiting.

Jay sat frozen, shoulders rigid as his brows furrowed in confusion. But he hadn't said to stop.

She kissed him again, harder. She poured every ounce of longing, every ache, every envious chill, every inch of passion and love her body held and fed it into him, hoping he would accept her.

He would mumble against her lips, whispers filled with confusion and desperation melded with pleads of a woman's name that was not her own.

"It's me, Jay. I'm here, your Hailey's here."

The words seemed to have sobered him up, looking up at her as though he was seeing someone completely new. Jay tried to blink through the confusion, but the peppered kisses and light brushes felt good against his burning skin, the coos of praises and promises echoed through his clouded mind.

He wants this. He does, right?

He wants this, she said he does.

So he gave in - gave in so easily that he still lives with the shame of doing so. He lives with the guilt of giving in without a second glance, of not trying to stop, of not trying to move away, of not trying.

Hailey could see it on his face every day afterwards - the way he would flinch at her every touch, the way he would lean away from her when he thought she wouldn't notice, how he replied to her texts slower until he stopped completely.

She had told him it was a mistake, that it would stay between them, and they would move on and be friends.

Jay had accepted, but he knew there was a part of him broken by the night he betrayed Aurora. But the fear of her finding out was far worse than having to stay friends with Hailey, hoping she never confessed to their guilty actions.

Hailey had spoken her words, knowing she didn't believe a single one - she hoped, with every day that passed, Jay would come to her and need her. Ask for her. Beg for her.

That day never came, and when Aurora came back to Chicago Hailey knew it never would.

Perhaps that was why she couldn't find it in herself to be angry as she watched the scene unfold in front of her.

Hailey had been to Jay's apartment every night after Aurora had returned, knocking and calling out to him. When she was inevitably ignored, she would ring and call him, pleading with him to see sense and come back to work, or to at least talk to her.

Three days had gone by, and the team was almost ready to execute the undercover operation with Aurora, when she would assume her new identity later tonight.

And it was on this night that Jay had returned.

***

Aurora was in the locker room with Kim, someone who used to be close friends with Hailey but had distanced herself and become quieter after the Aurora had left.

Hailey knew she had destroyed something precious in the group, had forced them to lose another team mate - another friend, another part of their family.

But why was she not enough?

She was snapped out of her reverie by the sound of ascending footsteps, slow and heavy thuds that had become such a familiar sound she turned her head towards the stairs instinctively.

There he stood, a man broken by the consequences of his own actions, eyes tired and face blank as his eyes scanned over the room. His gaze was fleeting as it crossed her figure that was hunched over the desk - paperwork laid astray in a frantic manner.

She felt a stab of disappointment at the action.

Even when she was there, right in front of him, right under his nose. Jay didn't see her. He wouldn't. Because he didn't want to.

But why not? Why was she not enough for him?

Voight stepped out of his office before she could say a word, before she could pour out all the words running through her mind in tumultuous waves, disregarding any shame or fear.

"Jay," his voice, though gravelly, was dipped in a soothing tinge of relief, "it's good to have you back"

His words finally prompted Adam and Kevin to turn his way, shock tugging at their features as they regarded him with wide eyes - knowing the girl he was pining over was not even a door away from him.

Still, they pasted on a smile, hiding the strain in their eyes as they imagined the possible scenarios that could unfold. They made their way towards Jay, exchanging supportive hugs and firm pats on the shoulder - they would be there for him, in whichever way he let them. In any way they could.

"Welcome back, man. Wasn't the same without you."

Kevin's statement was true, but the words only brought a tense smile on Jay's face - the office wasn't the same without her.

And she only left because of him.

His mouth opened, ready to spew words of appeasement or acknowledgement. Hailey wasn't sure, but she watched with intense eyes as she, for once, sat back and didn't approach the man she was head over heels in love with.

There was a crack of a word - the starting of a, no doubt, very short sentence. And Hailey found herself sweltering in frustration and anxiety when it was cut off by the sound of heels lightly tapping against the floor.

Aurora.

Hailey sat up straighter, eyes flickering between Aurora's oblivious form as she approached a wound-up Jay. Kim was trailing behind her, a nervous smile on her face as she tried to keep up their tentative conversation.

But it didn't matter because when Aurora stepped out into the office, she had all but stopped mid-sentence herself. A look of bafflement spread across her face, and a similar expression began pulling across Jay's, except his was tainted my rivulets of regret and guilt.

Jay stepped back as though her presence was a physical hit against him, and Aurora's face shuttered as she drew in a sharp breath.

It was like they were trapped in their own bubble, oblivious to all those around them as they stared at each other for the first time in months.

Hailey could admit, Aurora looked good. Great even.

Always beautiful, ever graceful, and a heart full of passion that she carried everywhere she went.

Unlike Jay, Aurora didn't carry her sadness out in the open for all to see. It was hidden in a part so deep and dark, she hoped it would never escape.

But Jay, he couldn't think of anything worse than the night Aurora had left him crying and broken. So he wore his agony out for all to see, a show of his remorse and a sign of his undying devotion to do what he must to make things right.

Seconds pass, or perhaps it was minutes.

It was Jay who broke first, a revelation that had Hailey look down at her desk, feigning signatures as her eyes burned and her cheeks became heated with embarassment and fury.

Jay couldn't help it, seeing her standing there. She looked so real. So true. As though, finally, she was more than an alcohol-induced dream, a hallucination, an echo just out of grasp.

Her hair was let out, flowing down her back in soft curls as she wore a long black gown with a slit at each leg. The gown cinched at her waist, and the neck was low and deep. Around her neck sat a gold necklace, and a feeling of deja vu washed over Jay at the sight of it.

She looked beautiful, like she deserved to have her every step treasured. She deserved devotion and adoration, love and kindness, loyalty and undying passion.

Longing began to fester in the base of his throat, a feeling so familiar that he swallowed through it with perfect ease.

"Aurora."

Jay hadn't called her that in so long, always Rory. Just Rory.

But hearing her name on his lips, after so long. It broke the cage she had locked that frail and trampled part of her soul into, it tugged at her heart and ripped at her throat.

Her eyes welled with tears as she looked at the man in front of her.

He wore his sadness with open arms.

Jay had lost weight - though still muscular and fit, he was not the same man she had left all those months ago. His eyes were weighed down by purple bags, the whites of his eyes tainted by the red of no sleep, a permanent scruff etched across his face, and clothes that were too rumpled for her to believe he had even changed before he came in today.

Surprisingly, Jay was just as broken as she was. Only Jay couldn't hide it.

There was a part of her that was furious at that - Jay had hurt her, and yet here he was breaking into tears as though he deserved her sympathy.

On the other hand, there was a part of her, so loving and so knowing, that simmered with relief at the sight of his anguish.

Jay missed her, he needed her. He said she was enough, perhaps he really did mean it.

Or perhaps his words were fuelled by the heavy load of a guilty man.

The thought was enough to snap her out from the longing, which scratched at her soul - begging and pleading to give in. Instead, she blinked, a passive look painted across her face. A flawless mask finished with a rigid smile. She nodded at Jay, forcing her hands not to tremble at the crestfallen look on his face.

Jay took a step forward, as though he was trying to prove to her he existed. As though he took her silence as a sign she hadn't seen him, and he wanted her to.

Needed her to.

But Aurora stepped back with a flinch, eyes flickering with pooling tears as she forced back her pain and tried to remain formal. She reached into her training, pulling at every strand and every inch of stoicism she could find within her body to present an unfazed facade as she turned towards Voight.

"I'm ready."

"Ready? Ready for what?"

Jay's voice was laced with incredulity, his head spinning at the fact that Aurora was here. She was here right in front of him.

But just like those few weeks so many months ago, she had barely acknowledged him.

Jay wanted to feel seen, but the only person who had ever made him feel so was now ignoring him.

Hailey was like a friend to him. He found camraderie in her presence, recognition in her touch. They faced similar struggles, similar lives. It was like looking into a reflection of some sort, seeing himself just as determined and strong on the other side.

But what life could a person live with their own reflection.

Such a life would be lonely and draining, boring and idle.

Aurora was the woman who had captured his heart, stolen his breath, and tied herself with his soul. She was a breath of fresh air, a source of comfort and warmth. She was a listening ear and loving companion. She balanced him out, smoothed out his edges, and evened out his temper.

He found mutual respect and care in his friendship to Hailey, but he found that and so much more in Aurora. In Aurora, he found the woman who gave him purpose - a brightly lit candle, a roaring flame, and a gentle guide out of the darkness that clouded his mind, the horrors that painted his past.

And here she was, standing in front of him. A dream just out of reach.

Was she back in Chicago permanently? Had she rejoined Intelligence? Was she here because of him? Or was it because of the guy at the bar?

The thoughts raced across his mind so fast Jay's eyes began to flicker over every object within his vicinity as he tried to sort through them.

Aurora is back.

She's back.

Seeing Jay's eyes shine with reverence, they were glossy in the light with unshed tears. Even in his state of confusion, he couldn't hide his adoration and couldn't hide his devotion.

Hailey felt her throat burn with nausea - how could she have been so blind.

[solesommerso]

blacklit paradise au! — aftermath —

“You’re smoking?” Jay startles at Sarah’s voice, quickly taking the cigarette out of his mouth, about to crush it out in the glass ashtray sitting on the small table he keeps on the balcony of his apartment but Sarah shakes her head to stop him.

“Don’t tell Voight.” She lets out a small puff of air, Jay thinks it’s an attempt at a laugh.

“Calm down I won’t tell your boss you’re smoking, your brother on the other hand…” Reese trails off and grins when Jay glares at her.

“Don’t you dare.” He points his two fingers holding the cigarette at her with a serious tone, though the smile on his lips cuts through it all. He’s just happy Sarah’s outside, and smiling.

“Your secrets safe with me.” The plastic chair Sarah pulls to sit in front of Jay makes a scraping noise against the concrete. It sounds oddly like the scrape of the dresser in front of the door the night Jay had to— he shakes the thought away, taking a drag of his cigarette and holding it a little longer than normal.

“Natalie went back to work today, I’m officially the last one left.” Sarah tries to sound nonchalant but Jay can see the hurt written across her face as she plucks Jay’s half drunk soda from the table, looking anywhere but at Halstead.

“You’re allowed to take your time, your stitches haven’t even healed.” He assures and leans his elbows onto his knees, a way to be closer to Sarah, as if some threat is going to pop out of nowhere and he’ll need to jump up to save her. God he feels like he did when he got home from Afghanistan, which is a scary thought he chooses to ignore.

“I know, that’s all anyone’s been telling me. I just- I’m staying in your apartment, waking up either panicking so bad I throw up or start sobbing, I can’t even look at my own clothes so I’ve been wearing yours and- I just feel so fucking broken.” Her chest heaves as she sighs, sipping at the coke in her hands, leg bouncing against the chair under her.

“Hey I haven’t gone back to work either, and I catch myself counting your breaths when you’re sleeping on the couch, and I triple check the doors locked after I come home, and I could keep going. The point is, we’re both going through a lot and that’s okay, we’re gonna be okay.” Their eyes meet and Sarah nods faintly before bringing her drink to her lips again.

“But stop stealing my drinks.”

[saragarnier]

Away from you pt.2

pairing: Jay halsted x reader

summary: when y/n found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her she left Chicago, without saying a word.

warning: Angst maybe and bad english since it's not my first language.

A/N: i'm actually thinking about writing a part 3, but i'm not sure.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Previous part, next part

When Jay got home that night, he went straight to the bedroom, without noticing your absence at once; he was really tired after the intense day at work and after the night he spent with Hailey. He was feeling guilty about it, obviously, but he could find the courage, he just couldn’t tell his future wife that he completely messed up with everything. He loved her, he really loved y/n and he didn’t want to lose her, even if she would have all the rights to do it, after all he cheated on her, just few months before the wedding.

Jay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that she wasn’t still at home; he removed the badge and the gun from his belt, placing them silently on the bedside table, then he looked around and he finally noticed that you weren’t sleeping in the bed. He frowned, looking around and trying to understand where you were; he couldn’t hear the noise of the shower and the bathroom’s door was open, so you couldn’t be there either. He searched the entire home, then he took his phone out and he messaged you, hoping that you still were with Kim outside.

He tried to not get worried, but he couldn.t help himself when he saw that the message hadn't been sent successfully; he stayed awake for another hour, before falling asleep on the couch, waiting for your return.

He woke up the next day, feeling pain all over his body because of the position he fell asleep with; he looked around and he got up, searching all the house to find you. The bed was still done, and it didn’t seem like someone slept in it the other night, so it was clear that you didn’t come back home.

Feeling his hear skipping a beat because of his worry.

Why didn’t she come back home?

Had something happened last night?

Was she in danger?

He grabbed his phone and called for Kim straight away, walking all around the house while waiting for her to respond. He knew that it was still early in the morning, and he didn’t want to wake her up, but he had no choice. Y/n could have been in danger, something could have happened to her while she was coming back home, and he needed to know at what time Kim and her left the bar.

“Jay, it’s six in the morning, what’s happening?” Kim whispered when she answered the phone, seeing Jay’s name on the screen.

“Is y/n with you? Did something strange happened yesterday? Did she leave the bar after a call from the hospital?” Jay questioned her without taking a single breath. He just wanted to know if you were okay, if you were with her, maybe after drinking too many beers. He couldn’t understand for what reason you didn’t come home last night and he couldn’t believe that something bad happened to you or he would have known by that moment, his brother Will would have advised you.

“What? No, she left around ten pm and she walked away saying that he needed to do something… why? Did something happen?” Kim got up from her bed immediately, especially after hearing his tone of voice and hearing how worried he seemed to be.

“Fuck.” He exclaimed, shaking his head, still walking all around the house; he grabbed his badge and his gun, then he left the apartment without even reaching for his jacket. It wasn’t cold outside, but you definitely needed to have a jacket with you all the time in Chicago, at least till the begin of the summer. “She didn’t come back home last night and she doesn’t respond to my messages or my calls. I’m going to call Mouse and to make him track her phone, after that I’ll call Voight if I notice something strange, okay?”

“Shit…” Kim whispered, worried. “Tell me if you find out something, okay? “

“Sure.” Jay reassured her, then he hung up and he called Mouse instead.

He waited for almost a minute before his friend answered the phone, still in his dreams; Jay could tell just by his voice that he woke up Mouse and that he wasn’t really happy about that, but he just couldn’t wait any longer, especially if something bad happened to you.

How could he have been so stupid?

You were never late, he should have called Mouse and Kim the night before, he should have called them before to make sure that you were okay. What if someone kidnapped you? What if someone hurt you?

It would have been his fault.

It would have been his fault because you went out with Kim alone because he wanted to spend the evening with Hailey, he would have been his fault because he should have called for help immediately, he would have been his fault because he wasn’t by your side.

“Mouse, I need you to track y/n’ phone right now!” Jay said without waiting a minute.

“What do you guys have with tracking each other phones, uh?” Mouse replied, mumbling something about last night, when you called him.

Jay froze at hi friend’s words; he pulled up and he parked the car before crashing into someone else, then he took a deep breath and he try to stay focused on Mouse.

“Wait… what does that mean?” He whispered, afraid of what he could have discovered.

“She asked me to track your phone yesterday’s night… she seemed worried about you falling again into ptsd and I immediately tracked your phone. I told her that you were in your older apartment and that’s it, I didn’t hear from her after that.”

In that moment, all the dots connected.

That’s why Kim said you left earlier that’s why he noticed the backup- key in the wrong position, that’s why she didn’t come back home and that’s why she didn’t respond to his messages or calls.

She knew.

She found out.

He messed up and she knew it.

Jay stayed silent for what looks like hours, even days for him, even if it was probably for just one minute or two. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice he was crying, not until he was brought back to reality from Mouse.

“Uhm… Jay, there’s a problem…” he whispered. “I can’t track y/n’ phone, it’s like it’s dead. Maybe she didn’t have the chance to charge it? But why did you need her location? Is she with you?”

Jay gulped, looking outside of the car, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. he was like a ghost, he felt like a ghost, he felt like he was dead, like he lost all.

And he did.

If she really saw him with Hailey, he knew that he lost the love of his life, and all for what? Some sex with his partner at work? He said he loved Hailey, he always said it when they fucked, but while doing it he always thought about y/n, about the love of his life. It’ didn’t make sense, it didn’t make sense for him either and he didn’t expect the others to understand, that’s why he never told you or anyone else, even if he really wanted to after the first time he and Hailey had sex together.

“Jay?” Mouse asked again, worried when he didn’t hear anything from his friend for minutes. “Are you okay?”

“I ruined everything, Mouse.” He whispered at the phone, crying silently. “I lost her… I think she broke up with me… I think she left…”

“What?! What does that mean? She couldn’t have done it, couldn’t she? Why?” Mouse didn’t really understand what was happening between his friend and his friend’s fiancé, but it was clear that something bad happened between them since he heard Jay crying on the other line of the call.

“I cheated on her… I cheated on her and I think she found out… she didn’t come home last night, she doesn’t respond to messages and calls… I don’t know where to find her, I don’t know where to find her to talk to her and explain everything to her. She had all the rights to know the truth from me, but I can’t do it if I can’t reach for her.”

Mouse stayed silent for some minutes, then he had an idea.

“She works at the hospital, maybe she’s there, no? It’s seven am and she had to present her resignation letter if she really wants to leave Chicago, no? Maybe she’s at the hospital to do it, maybe you still have time.”

It was one last hope and Jay accepted it; Jay took it immediately.

“I’ll call you from the hospital. Thank you, Mouse.”

He hung up, dried his cheeks from the tears and he drove towards the Chicago Medical Center as soon as he could; when he arrived, he met his brother, Will, but he was to focused on finding y/n, so he ignored him and went straight towards Meggie. Before he could ask her where his fiancé was, Jay got stopped by Will, who pushed him into an empty room.

“Will I do nit have time for this right now!” Jay exclaimed, trying to go out go the room to find you.

“Well, you’ll have to find some time because I want to know why y/n presented her resignation form on a fucking mail!”

And that was when Jay lost his last hope.

“W-What?” he whispered, sitting on an empty chair before falling on the ground. “She left?”

It was too late.

He arrived too late.

Will nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder, and trying to reassure her in any way possible.

“What happened, Jay?”

“I fucked up… I fucked up and I lost her, Will.” He whispered. “I lost her.”

And it was true.

He lost you.

And the best part was that being a detective’s fiancé helped you to find a way to be invisible.

New phone.

Only cash.

Being a ghost.

You didn’t want to be found, especially not by him and, while he was crying on his brother’s shoulder about losing the love of his life, you were landing in New York city, trying to find a way to hang on, trying to start a new life.

A life away from him.

Away from the last version of you.

[sande5098]

Hello! Could you write Ava Bekker x Fem reader is could literally be anything with fluff smut and angst.:D

In the Aftermaths

Requested: Yes, by anon

Description: Ava's death ate you up and spat you back out

ships: Ava Bekker x Fem. Reader

Warnings: suicide, mental illness, distress, (If you're struggling with your mental health, please talk to someone in order to get the proper help you need).

Word count: 800

----

The call that came from Mrs Goodwin as soon as you heard about Ava was definitely the start of the end of it all. You'd done so much for her, to help her get better. You had known exactly why she had murdered herself, although it didn't make it any easier for you. When the funeral came around, not even Connor Rhodes was there, or hardly anyone from med, Adam, Kim and Kevin were there to accompany you. You knew that it was mostly because they felt bad for you but you couldn't bring yourself to care, not now, not anymore.

Weeks after the funeral, you found yourself still not back at work. The team dropped by every so often, tried to get you to come back to work or go out for drinks but you wouldn't hear of it. Instead you stayed in bed, crying. You had found Ava's diary it had the most awful of things in it, but it also talked about how much she wanted to be with Connor. Y/n knew that Ava had an unhealthy obsession with the man, probably loving him more than she did her, which was true by the way. She had also found that in her diary. It was that moment that she broke, she couldn't keep anything of Ava's anymore.

----

"911, what's the emergency?"

"Hi, I uhh think that there's been a break in in my neighbours apartment?"

"Alright, and what's the address."

"Apartment 33C on -----" (A/N: Make up your own street name. I live in NI and have no clue of US street names)

"Do you know if the homeowners home?"

"I would assume so, she's hardly left after her partner died about a month ago."

"Alright, we have units dispatched to the address"

----

"Units in the 21st and citywide, we have reports of a possible robbery at apartment 33c on -----" It was Kim who picked up the radio to reply, immediately recognising the home address. "5021 Eddie and 5021 Ida responding, be advised plain clothes officers responding."

Kim gave Adam an apprehensive look as the started the car to Y/n's apartment. "Should we loop in the others?" Adam kept staring at the road, unresponsive for a minute before finally saying no. Kim nodded and stared out the road, it wasn't long to get to Y/n's apartment and as soon as they did they could hear the commotion from outside, glass and ceramic shattering. Adam nodded to Kim as they went inside and up the flights of stairs, ushering civilians back into their homes.

Once they reached her apartment door, they knocked... no answer though it did go silent. "Y/n, It's Adam and Kim. We were called to come check up on you. Let us in please." Adam shouted in at her, another crash came from inside and that was the last straw, Kim kicked the door down and cautiously walked into the room, both of them had their guns drew. What was once a clean and homely apartment had been well and truly trashed "Y/n? are you here?" Kim asked.

"Here" a shaky voice called from behind the sofa. Kim looked back at Adam and put her weapon away before rushing to her friends side, spitting on shattered and cracked glass on her way over. "Hey N/n, what happened sweetheart?" Kim asked as she grabbed Y/n's hands, they were covered in blood, but the rest of her looked fine.

"I...I She... She never loved me Kim, she didn't love me!" Y/n practically shouted and Kim immediately pulled her in for a tight hug, tears streaming down the broken girl's face, "She never loved me and I thought she did. I'm so fucking stupid." "Y/n shhhh please, It's okay, she'd not here anymore. You can get over her, we'll be here to help you, right Adam?" "uhh yeah of course, we'll always be here for you hon."

Adam was observing the room, It was clear that Y/n must've had some sort of mental break. But who could blame her, she had lost the love of her life only to find out that the woman she loved with all of her heart never really loved her in the first place. "I don't think I can do this anymore," Y/n cried. Adam was the first to react, "No don't say that Y/n, ever. Come on, let's get you out of here."

[siriustaylorsversion]

one chicago fics

requests are not open since i have exams, but they will soon (hopefully)!!

CHICAGO PD

jay halstead

everybody knows that i'm a good girl, officer, part 2- smau, just a bunch of cute pining and the title ;)

[sailingfireshipz]

Speaking of crossover…

What if they make it extra angsty for Stellaride?

Hear me out

Kelly leaves the loft earlier because he had a meeting at the academy and they didn’t have time for breakfast together and their morning routine and now Stella is stuck and is afraid she won’t have another chance to tell him that she loves him?

Or they have small misunderstanding before the bells go off and now she’s stuck and is afraid that they won’t have a chance to make things right again?

Or she left the loft earlier because of some things with ’girls on fire’ and the collapse ’surprised’ her on her way to work? Because it’s a little bit surprising that she’s the only one from her company down there (not sure how we put Ruzek there but I’m getting there 😂) - oh, the drama?! Without proper gear she would definitely be injured, yet still trying to help people who are trapped with her (a little bit like Dawson when the garage collapsed)

Listen, considering Stellaride is the only Fire to Fire couple impacted & Newman was the one to say that the couples are put through hell.... I'm fully prepared for there to be at MINIMUM 40+ minutes of angst! 😆 😅

[bri-the-fando-meister]

Hey there! I'm Bri, I am in too many fandoms to count.

Here is my ask list, for those wanting to know about my ask system.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

Categories.

Smut, smut will be labeled with a 🔷. I will do smut (granted I am comfortable in writing it. If I am not wanting to do the ask, I'll send a message explaining why, and we can work to finding a way around it.)

Fluff, fluff will be labeled with a ☁️. I will be able to do all fluff.

Angst, angst will be labelled with a 🖤. I will do angst (as long as it isn't to harsh or sad.)

Whump, whump will be labelled with a ⛓️. I will do whump (As long as it is something I can write well, and that I am comfortable writing about it.)

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

Fandoms.

Chicago Med. I can write Chicago Med, but be warned, I have only watched up to the end of season 3, so I might not know some characters, relationships, and things like that. I also have a good medical understanding, so medical accuracy should in theory, be up there.

The Maze Runner. I absolutely love the maze runner, read all books, watched all movies. Things should be accurate. Though, I prefer things being based by the books.

Divergent. I am in love with divergent, read all books, watched all movies. Things will be quite accurate, I have an awesome understanding. I prefer writing based off of the books for this one.

The Fault In Our Stars. Same old, read the book, watched the movie. All should be damn accurate.

The Hunger Games. Yep, read all books, and you guessed it, watched all the movies. Accuracy should be good. I prefer writing book version. (haven't seen TBOSBAS movie yet, but have read book)

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

Perspectives.

I can write for many perspectives, though I rather these types.

Y/N L/N. Yes, I like the fanfics where you can insert yourself into the story, I love it, don't judge.

OC's. I can make original characters for different fandoms, and you can imagine yourself as the oc.

Normal book. You aren't an actual character, you read it like a book without a narrator.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

When doing an ask, please lay it out like this.

(Categories) (Fandom) (Perspective)

(Storyline)

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

Example:

Whump/Chicago Med/ Y/N L/N

Basically, the reader is coming into consciousness after getting hit by a car, Dr. Choi is there to keep them awake, otherwise they might not wake ever again.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>

Thankyou for reading, have fun with the asks, and get ready for some good reading.

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

there are so little Ruzwater fics out there! i just love them together, i want to read about them loving each other.

you know what, fine, ill do it myself.

P.S. if anyone wants to be tagged, let me know, I'm starting a list ❤

[sayafics]

Just For A Moment - Part 5

Hello my beautifuls <33

Sorry for the really late update, I have been slammed with family events and have more in a weeks time 💔💔

But I do hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm going to try and update more often before I go MIA for a few days for wedding related stuff (not mine, silly😭)

This is a POV of Aurora's experience after she left and why she came back, enjoyyyy!!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

Masterlist

When Aurora had made the choice to leave the Intelligence department, and then Chicago, she didn't have it in her heart to discard the items that connected her to her life there.

So as days went by, her phone continued to ring and vibrate with a bombardment of messages and calls, one after the other. She didn't have the courage to silence them, nor the anger within her to turn off her phone or throw it out.

Instead, she bought a new one as she watched her phone continue to light up as weeks went by.

She tried not to read the messages, forced herself to avoid the voicemails left for her and soon they began to die down.

As weeks went by, the need for answers from friends and colleagues grew weaker as they accepted the fact she didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to explain herself or talk about the pain she had gone through.

Aurora threw herself into her work, hoping one distraction or the other was enough to pull her mind away from the horrors of her last few weeks in Chicago.

Soon her phone would only ring once a day, every day at ten o'clock. It was Jay, it was always Jay.

A part of her, selfish and greedy, found herself looking forward to those calls - entertaining the idea of picking up and hearing his voice, listening to the sounds of his breaths, seeing if he still felt guilty, seeing if he wanted her the way she found herself still wanting him.

That was the worst part.

After all he had done, there was a part of her that craved Jay - that needed his voice in her ear, his hands on her skin, his praises and his confessions, his love and his pain. There was a part of her which longed for him, that continued to yearn for him even though she had all but ran away from him.

Perhaps that was why she picked up.

It was 11:37pm when the phone rang. Jay's call had come at 10pm and been ignored. Still, he left a voicemail that went unheard, Aurora was too fearful of the pain his voice would cause her that her ache for it wasn't enough to make her want to listen.

No, this call was from Matt Casey, the firefighter she had given her phone number to so they could arrange a time for him to help her with some construction work on her property back in Chicago.

Maybe it was loneliness or perhaps pure desperation, or anger and spite which fuelled her actions, but she picked up at the third ring.

There was silence on both sides, the only sound being light inhales and deep exhales as both parties decided on what to say.

"You picked up."

His voice sounded surprised.

"Hey, Matt."

Her voice was soft, but cautious. She was unsure why Matt Casey of all people would call, but she was also not sure why she had picked up so quickly.

"Hey, Aurora," he sounded relieved at the sound of her voice, "how are you?"

She shrugged, despite the fact he couldn't see her, "better." It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

He didn't need to know she cried herself to sleep every night, that she spent every waking moment thinking about Jay, every lucid breath angry at him, and every calm second grieving what had been lost.

Casey sighed as though he could hear the lies in her words, but chose not to push, "everyone misses you here," he waited a breath, for a response, for a sign of regret she had left or a hint of longing, but nothing.

"Jay misses you."

Aurora inhaled sharply at that, by now she had only been gone just over a month, and the mention of Jay brushed viciously against a raw and gaping wound.

"I'm sorry," his voice was quieter now, speaking his words slower, "Kelly's worried about him. We all are."

"Jay's not my problem," her voice was shaky, but she forced her words out with conviction.

"I know."

There was nothing more to say, "I gotta go, Matt."

"I'll talk to you later."

It wasn't a question, and a part of Aurora was kind of glad for that.

"Bye Matt."

"Bye Aurora."

Their phone calls continued like that for the next few months - Casey would call Aurora every other week, keeping her up to date on things happening, telling her everyone missed her, giving silent encouragements for her to come back to Chicago. And every time, he would try and bring up Jay, to express his worries and the fears of others as Jay wore himself down with guilt and anguish. But every time Aurora would find an excuse to end the call, and pretend Matt had never said anything at all.

Jay's calls still continued, every day like clockwork he would call at ten o'clock, and still Aurora would not answer.

It had all come to a head when her phone rang in the early afternoon. She had finished a gruelling case recently, and had taken to hibernating in her quaint and scarce apartment as she readied herself for weeks under another alias.

The ringtone sang loudly as she stepped towards it, it was too early for it to be Jay, and too soon after the last call for it to be Matt.

Voight.

She thought about not picking up, but Voight wouldn't have called if it wasn't important.

Was it about Jay? Was he okay? Had he been hurt?

She took a calming breath, forcing her hands not to tremble at the troubling thoughts as she answered the call and brought the phone to her ear - "hello?"

"Aurora."

Voight's voice hadn't changed, he still spoke in his baritone rasp, slow and authoritative. A part of her was comforted by it, warming at the sound of a familiar voice she hadn't realised she had been missing.

"Did something happen to him?"

She couldn't help it, couldn't control her fears. It was the first time Voight had called her, and the idea that something bad could have happened to Jay being the reason why gnawed at her.

"He's safe," she let out a sigh of relief, hoping it was quiet enough to be ignored, but a part of Voight perked up at the sound as he continued, hoping his words wouldn't scare her off - "he's struggling though."

"That's not my problem," her voice was a quiet whisper, eyes closing as the words were repeated to her by someone other than Matt.

"I know," he was cautious with his words now, "but that's not why I called."

She was curious now, eyes opening as her brows raised in question, "hm?"

"I got a case."

"And I quit."

Voight sighed at her retort, "as an officer of the CPD. I don't need an officer, I need an undercover agent."

Aurora paused at that, curious as to why Voight would go to all this trouble to ask for her help when there were plenty of experienced undercover operatives within the CPD itself - Jay included.

The truth was, Voight knew someone else could help with the case. But over the years Jay had spent working in Intelligence, he managed to wedge himself into Voight's life with ease. After the death of his son, Voight's reliance on Jay's presence had grown stronger. In some ways, Jay was like a son to him.

So perhaps out of his own form of selfishness or an unprecedented amount of protectiveness, he wanted to help Jay.

Voight could see how Jay was breaking, could see the light fading from his eye as his prayers and pleas went unanswered. He could see the way Jay was losing weight, the way his eyes grew darker with lack of sleep, how he was angrier, and easily tired, how he was in denial and desperate.

He also wasn't in the dark with how Aurora was doing, her father frequently keeping in contact as he spewed his worries about how his daughter was throwing herself into her work, alienating herself from friends and family. Aurora was doing the exact thing she had told her father she wanted to run from. She was losing herself in the lives she lived, working a career that drained her.

Jay and Aurora were both suffering, both exhausted and tired. They both needed each other, but the pain that had been inflicted on them was too much for them to face, and they found it easier to avoid it through their own vices.

Jay's was alcohol, whilst Aurora's was her work.

And the paternal heart of Voight could not bear to hear and see the two torture themselves any longer.

"Why?"

Aurora's question broke him out of his reverie, so he spoke, "why not?"

She groaned in frustration, "Voight, I swear to God. Please. I can't come back."

"You don't want to come back. But I have a case, I need you."

It was true, she didn't want to come back. Fearful of what she would see if she did.

Would Jay have gone to Hailey for comfort? Would they have fallen in love? Was Hailey the one for him? Was Hailey enough for him in a way she wasn't?

They were questions she had forced herself to leave unanswered.

"I'll send you the case file. Have a look, and get back to me," Voight paused, listening to the shallow breaths on the other end of the phone, "the team's not the same without you. Jay isn't either, and I know you aren't. This could be good for you both. Think about it, kid."

Voight ended the call before she could reply, before she could think or before she could say no. She stood there with the phone still pressed to her ear, standing in baited silence even as her laptop pinged with a notification of a new email - the case file.

Still, she stood and thought.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, but soon, she was forced to blink herself back to reality. Her eyes were pulled towards her laptop, already open and waiting for her to investigate.

Aurora probably should have ignored it. She should have gone on about her day and left Voight's request unanswered.

But the agent in her, the officer, and the soldier drilled into her bones forced her to drag her feet towards the device and pull up the files she had been given.

She had a lot of thinking to do, and a very hard decision to make.

***

A few hours had passed since Voight's call, and for the first time in several months Aurora picked up her phone to make a call.

Her finger automatically selected 1, ready to speed dial the one person she was avoiding, simply out of instinct.

She forced her eyes closed as she took laboured breaths, calming herself before she opened her eyes and searched for a specific contact.

Matt.

She liked to think they had become friends during the last few months, and she hoped that he would help her now more than ever. She wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. A part of her wanted to hear encouragements to come to Chicago, and the other wanted him to warn her never to come back.

She wants him to tell her she should find happiness where she was, but she was afraid she never would.

Matt picked up on the last ring, and the pair spoke for a long time. Aurora was surprised - there were no encouragements nor any hints she should stay away.

Matt focused on what she wanted to do, what she felt was right. The truth is she wasn't sure, but looking over the case, she knew she could do some good.

There was a new gang in Chicago, distributing laced drugs to minority areas, causing children as young as ten to be hospitalised and on the brink of death. Voight wanted her to be the one undercover, to get close to who they thought was in charge, to get a confession, or to find some evidence. Anything to get this gang on its knees, to cut off the head of the serpent from where it was rooted.

The call was heavy, Matt reminding her that she would eventually have to see Jay, possibly even work with him. She didn't think she could do that, she thought her throat would clog and her eyes would water, that her mind would panic and she would run again.

Another part of her thought she would turn a blind eye to his actions for a moment of solace in his arms, even if just for a moment longer.

She was conflicted, she was struggling.

And she knew Matt could sense it, even if he couldn't see her.

"It would be great to have you back in town. I know 81 would be happy, I'm sure CPD would be too."

"Maybe. Doesn't mean it won't be hard."

"Nothing is ever easy, especially not in this line of work."

A bitter laugh escaped her, "not in this life, you mean."

Matt sighed through his nose, a silence emanating through the phone, "don't let this break you."

"What?" The words had been unexpected, causing her to sit straighter as she listened closely.

"What Jay did. Don't let it be what breaks you, don't let it stop you from being happy even if you have to come back here to find it."

Aurora let out a shaky breath. She hadn't thought that way before. She hadn't realised that was what she had been allowing to happen, she had been allowing herself to break whilst she lived in misery, staying away from her friends and from a life she truly enjoyed.

Yes, Jay hurt her in a way that was so damaging that she felt the need to flee. But that didn't mean she couldn't go back, or at least, it didn't mean she couldn't try.

She was still wary of the pain and agony she would face when she had to see him, had to hear his voice and face the possibility that he was happy without her.

But she had to try.

At her silence, Matt prompted further, "I'll be there every step of the way. If you come, and if not, I'll still be here."

Her eyes burned at those words, she watched the lines of their friendship begin to blur as she listened to his words of support.

Matt had been there, had been a listening ear, a helpful advisor, and a beloved friend.

She was not sure if she wanted him to be more, but she knew she appreciated his friendship and his support.

She continued to stay quiet, but Matt was undeterred, "I'll see you soon, Aurora. Goodnight."

He spoke as though he knew what her answer already was, spoke as though he knew she was coming, and he was ready to be there in any way she would have him.

Aurora glanced at the clock, wondering how it was gotten late so quickly.

9:58pm.

Oh.

"Goodnight."

Aurora ended the call, and the seconds ticked by quickly as another call replaced the one she had just ended.

She let it ring, until it went to voicemail.

Only this time, she listened to it. She ignored the rest, piled in her voicemail box, waiting for her attentive ears, and played the one Jay had left only seconds ago.

'Rory,' his voice was scratchy, as though he hadn't spoken for quite a while or hadn't drank water in hours. In truth, Jay's preferred form of hydration now was alcohol, 'I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what to do.'

Jay's voice grew heavier with tears at every word, guilt weighing him down as he spoke, a debilitating weight began to fester in Aurora's sternum as she listened to his anguish - 'I can't find you. But I need you, please come home.'

Aurora thought it would end there, hoped that his other voicemails were similar babbles of mumbling and slurred apologies from drowning himself with alcohol to hide from his shame. But Jay continued with renewed vigour, his voice light as he reminisced about quiet moments he shared with her, 'we're working on a case. We've almost solved it. I just know it. You would've liked this one. It was a homicide - you always liked those. Said it reminded you of Sherlock Holmes. I read the books you bought me about him, after so long. You were right, I couldn't put them down. I fell asleep on the couch so many times whilst reading, would've missed work if it wasn't for my alarm too,' a strained laugh escapes him.

'I can't go into that room anymore,' her heart sinks as she realises which room he's speaking about, 'not unless I have to. I can't. Not when I know the last person in that room wasn't you. Not when I know I won't be able to sleep without thinking of you. Come back to me,' he spoke with a broken whisper, 'if you're ever ready to have me, ever ready to trust me. Come back home, to me. I'll always wait for you.'

Tears were now streaming down her face, eyes clenched shut as she tried to hold them back, but her shoulders shuddered with stubborn sobs. It was his last words that broke her, that tore down the walls she had placed between herself and her home for so long, that wiped away the distance she had drawn.

'You're enough. You've always been enough. I was just too blind to see it, but I know it now, and I see it now. You're enough.'

There it was. The reply she had been waiting for, all those months ago, out in the open when she had left him to stew in his guilt and misery.

She was enough, but was Jay too late?

***

Aurora tried to tell herself it was Matt's words of encouragement that brought her to this moment. That Matt was why she was here, and that every glance towards the windows and door wasn't in search of him.

She had accepted Voight's offer, unaware of his hidden agenda, and returned to Chicago within the same week.

She had gone to new lengths to avoid the temptation of listening to Jay's voicemails, hiding her phone deep into the depths of a suitcase she left abandoned in the house she had run from all those months ago.

That brought her to this moment now - refamiliarising herself with her surroundings and her friends by making a stop at Molly's. Matt was already waiting for her, with open arms and a hearty smile.

He knew she would come, and he was proud of her for doing so.

He stayed with her the whole time, a protective hand at her back and an ever-present guard at her shoulder as she spoke to old colleagues and faded friends.

But even he did not miss the way her face fell as it tracked a familiar car racing away from Molly's. He didn't miss how she became quieter, more reclusive in the moments which followed.

But he stayed by her side, a compassionate friend ready to help her deal with the brutal emotions that she fought with.

Matt Casey was a good man.

***

Aurora had come into the station the next day, greeted by cheers and welcoming hugs from all who recognised her - even Voight had embraced her tightly, a hug so warm she was left thinking about how long it had been since she had hugged her own father as she relished in the feeling of a heartfelt embrace.

Her presence had been received gracefully by all, except one person - Hailey.

Aurora kept her distance from the woman, not even sparing her a smile as she limited herself to Voight's office and Kim's desk whilst she reacquainted herself.

The desk she used to own still laid bare, but it was clean and tidy - free of any dust, as though it was cared for meticulously, ready for her return should she decide so.

She had passed through the police department several times over the next few days, preparing herself for the operation she would work undercover on. And on every single one of those days, a part of her dreaded seeing Jay whilst another longed to look into his green eyes one more time.

But he hadn't come, and she soon found herself thinking she wouldn't see him at all. That he would avoid her until she left, that all his words in that voicemail were truly drunken rambles, and he didn't mean a word.

She felt stupid, felt naive and desperate for wanting to see the man. For wanting to see his reaction, to see if he would cry, if he would yell, to see if he would embrace her gently or grab her roughly against him, holding her tight as though she'd slip through his fingers like dust.

Aurora wasn't sure what she wanted.

Aurora wasn't sure if she wanted Jay.

Aurora wasn't sure if Jay Halstead was a good man.

But she knew a part of her would always crave him, and the broken pieces of her heart would always search for his.

She knew she wanted to see him.

What do we think?

I hope you guys enjoyed it <33

Also, thank you to everyone who had been commenting, liking, and reblogging this series. I appreciate you all, every like, every comment, and every reblog means the world to me.

Jay and Aurora will meet again in the next chapter, and ofc Hailey will find a way to weasel herself in :/ what do we think their reactions are going to be?👀