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the-rift1 · 7 years

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@ that anon who asked me about the “talk about” post

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

I have a lot of favorites… mm I’d say inside out was probably my most favorite. And the reason why was well, it was the first time I met Aaron, which was cool, but also it was a movie that had like a headspace, although a lot more creative, and it was almost representative of how my mind works.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

My first kiss was in 7th grade on a field trip, when all the girls in my dorm room (just 3 other peaps) figured out that I never had been kissed. So when we played truth or dare, I said dare and one of the girls dared another to kiss me. God I was an awkward mess, and then I basically had a crush for like 4 years on that girl who kissed me. (yike) 3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Jesus, uh, well, they’re the love of my life and even though it’s been rough from the very beginning, they mean too much to me for me to let go, and even though they live like a thousand miles away from me I still want to have a life with them eventually, and just, I want them to be happy. 4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I regret nothing, really. It’s kind of my philosophy to do things so I don’t regret never doing them. Well, I guess there’s one thing. I regret never being able to stand up to my mom when I was younger, but I don’t think that would have been possible if I was younger since I was still unable to put any distance between me and her, and her temper was very very short. So I guess there’s not much to regret.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.

It was my last birthday where I got to get together with my friends and we had a brunch and then they gave me two tiny derg plushies that were absolutely adorable because they were mini versions of my big Martin plushie and they’re Ginko and Safier. And I also got a handmade birthday card from Aidan which was neat cuz it had a derpy peridot n stuff. And then we went over to Aidan’s house and @fishdetective was there too and we had a hardcore battle of monopoly and then also played chessclock jenga. A couple days either after or before, I also got my first car!

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.

It's a hard tie between when I turned 15 or 16 and my parents just completely forgot my birthday or when I had to give my final senior honors project presentation which ironically fell on my birthday.. But I got to have tiramisu cake afterwards, so, I guess it wasn’t too bad.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I’m always afraid I look dumb in front of other people, idk. I try not to think about it and just tell myself that I really don’t care. Also when I wear new clothes, even if it’s like, a different type of flannel, I get pretty nervous. But after a day of wearing it or something, I’m fine.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

It would either have to be my own computer that I made which is an absolute gaming and art monster if you ask me, or my 6 foot long drawing, or my carey mask. I have a GTX 1080 with an i7-7700k core and also 24 gbs of ram, and about 2.5 TB of storage that fits in like, a small workstation tower with a budget of about 2000 dollars. And I’m going to make an even smaller one with about the same specs for my mom later this month cuz she has an 8 year old laptop and idk honestly how she gets anything done on that. I think I’m also pretty proud of Martin Dovohd and the creation of his adventures with Avery and Safier and Quinn, although we’ve never pinned anything solid down (because I’m a busy person and a lazy artist).

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

Whaaallle I like my hair cuz it’s rad but it needs a trim cuz it’s getting too long.. mm I like my hands, even though they’re tiny, but they function pretty well.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.

I’d say the biggest fight was more like a physical and verbal beatdown from my mom and me silently taking everything because I was basically 12 years old…. Good times….

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.

Best dream? I was able to shapeshift into a dragon and do all kinds of shit. It was pretty long ago so I can’t recall, but I remember having an epic battle against another bigger red dragon and barely winning.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.

Um, probably one of the ones where I was raped or lost forever, or in a world where I was forgotten and people like close friends n stuff just don’t know who I am, or that one where I was being chased constantly by a murderer. Being shot by my best friend, straight in the head, on my knees. I got pretty dramatic dreams lol

God I just remembered last night’s dream which was fucking WILD because I was on this colonial ship, and idk if I was a stowaway or something, but I think there was this disease that started to spread and everyone was dying, so the captain decided to send me off on an escape pod and I was cryofreezed. So I ended up in a completely different solar system but I was sent to a prison since I wasn’t properly admitted and it was considered trespassing. I just remember seeing a sliver of a window to the outside world of the planet, and it was so vibrant and green.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

It was alright, neither of us came actually.

14: Talk about a vacation.

Ok since it wasn’t specified, DREAM VACATION: Going to Japan, seeing cherry blossoms, trying out their hot springs, going to Tokyo, mmm idk. I don’t really have a specific itinerary planned. And then I would want to also go to Quebec city, and try out all the cool food they got and also go cross country skiing, and check out the snow festival. And then there’s that one place where it’s a snow hotel or something? Maybe that’s in France. I don’t remember. Also, I would love to road trip the entire US in a tesla. Specifically a self driving one cuz who wants to be at the wheel all the time lol. I also want to go to Sweden where I think they have a museum dedicated to machines playing music and it’s so neat. Oh yeah, I can’t forget about Yellowstone. And camping out there a night or so, when the sky is clear, and you get to see a million stars. Of course, this wouldn’t be worth anything if I couldn’t do it with someone tho. I think that’s where it’s the most fun.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

In Rowan’s arms, when we first met. God, all I could think about then, was that, “I made it. I really made it. And it wasn’t all for nothing.” One of my dreams came to reality, and the only thing that I could have asked for more, was more time with him.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.

Mmmmmmmmmm I’ve never really been to a party like a frat party, so, uh idk

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

There’s this person at one of the dining centers that has really rad blonde hair and they just give out rad vibes and I just want to talk to them but I am just a bad nerd derg who can’t amount to their level. So. Yeah lol…

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I said fuck in third grade because my ‘friend’ wouldn’t stop singing “three little pigs” despite me saying please stop, and I got really frustrated and yelled, “Would you please fucking stop?” lol I broke down crying afterwards because everyone was staring at me in silence.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Rumors started spreading about how my friend who was a boy, that we “liked” each other, when in fact, we were just really good friends, and we agreed on the matter that that’s how it was and that people were trash. God he could make me laugh anytime even when I was super sad. It sucked that he had to transfer out when it got to high school though.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

Man, high school was fucking rough.. socially. I lost almost all of my middle school friends by the time I was a sophomore and I basically stuck to tumblr for comfort, cuz the school is very small and people already formed cliques that was already too late to join. I also wasn’t interested in them, since no one was a weeb like me. I really don’t want to talk much about this. Sorry.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

On what? What does this imply, relationship? Mm I broke up with Aaron but for the most part, literally everyone else leaves first. Or just straight up rejects me, it’s pretty lit.

22: Talk about your worst fear.

I have a lot of fears and one of the worst ones is that I lose my hands, or that I lose my precise motor functions and I can’t draw, do labwork, or play the piano, etc etc…. Also abandonment, and just ending up as an old hermit. No, actually, I think my worst fear is just rejection. If I knew that there wasn’t a possibility of being loved n stuff, I think I would be pretty content with just myself and just living in the woods with a solid internet and my computer and maybe some doggos and other pets.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. Lord, alright. So I think one summer, I applied to five jobs as like a cashier or something and they all rejected me so I think that was pretty weird, and then on the other hand a day after or so, I see one of my peers working as a cart pusher and I just felt so annoyed. Not at them, just exasperated.

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Well, someone told me that they would always love me. I find that hard to believe, personally, maybe because my mom told me that no one would love me unconditionally unless they were my parents. And some part of me always believed that, and another part of me always wanted to find evidence to refute it.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

Ahsdkjflajhfdkljs how about let’s not

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.

Lay in bed, groan, eat soup and produce a lot of mucus. I would usually game and watch movies if I had the luxury to, or just do hw. And also feel sad because I probably wouldn’t be able to see anyone and couldn’t hang out with ppl.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.

Hands are really interesting. And also the worst to draw. But there’s just so much variance in people’s hands, which I think is cool.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

Um 29: Talk about what turns you on.

What 30: Talk about what turns you off.

Thrussy

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Dark. Cold. Nothingness. Just, a stop. Maybe I get to be reincarnated as a rock or something. Or there’s a place for souls. No one knows. Idk.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I remember that there was a lake, like a block from my house and on special days with my Gramps I got to take out my toy motorboat and play with it but most of the time it got caught on the algae.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I game. I just distract myself to the point that I forget everything else. And I also watch cartoons n stuff.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.

Probably that one time where I fell and the gravel gouched out a cubic centimeter of my knee. I bled pretty consistently and my mom had to pull out bits of rock when I got back home from that.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. I wish I could stop wasting so much time and actually doing important work lol. I don’t particularly have any nasty habits, really. I never bit my nails or sucked on my fingers.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. hoarding chocolate. Hoarding food in general, and buying unnecessary tech stuff for myself. Also buying games when I already have too many to play with.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. I’m pretty sure I was in love with the people who I “think” I were in love with? I don’t really understand this. Is this about like, past ex’s? I know who I love. Or I could interpret “in love” as a crush? Mm okay. Let’s have it that way. I had an infatuation with this girl who low-key reminded me of betty boop but like a better, sexy version of it. Her makeup was always on point and just had a really good aesthetic, and then I also found out that she liked hardcore metal, which is cool, but not my taste. So, like, super amazing aesthetic that was probably incompatible with mine.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

There’s a lot of songs that remind me of people, but mainly Rowan and Aidan. Anything by Porter Robinson reminds me of the time when I was with Aaron. The Muppet song where they go “mnah mnah doo dooooo do do do” reminds me of Hila and that used to trigger me for a while but I’m chill with it.

Some main ones that remind me of Rowan:

Paradise Valley by Honey and the Sting

Honeybee by the Steam Powered Giraffes

I Know You're Out There by Stephanie Mabey.

Ones that remind me of Aidan:

Give Up by the Postal Service

BGC418 by Big Giant Circles and also their entire Imposter Nostalgia album

any song by Wintergatan

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.

I wish I figured out what feelings were. Like, when I was young, I never made the connection between the words and the emotions that those words described. For the two years of me crushing on that girl I talked about earlier, I didn’t understand what my attraction meant. And that it was also okay to be gay. Yeah I wish I knew about that whole ordeal, and also how to socially navigate my way through high school n shit. I also didn’t understand the connection between the word guilt, and the feeling. I just knew I felt super awful and it was a really terrible pain in my chest and hands and that I just wanted to die from it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

I don’t know, I’m pretty young, and there’s a lot of things that are just starting. I guess you could say it’s the end of the number of bad things that’s happened to me in grade school and the end of the ridiculous amount of bullying I had there, and hopefully never comes back.

#ask #thanks anon #took me a solid hour #anonymous #dragon talks

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