#cheeryful

[cynicjovial]

glitter markers

[ktchie]

'It's the hope that kills you'

Ted Lasso x Reader

Fluff and Angst

♡ other tags: attempt at humour/ no proof read we die like Rupert should've / possible part two

♡6.1k words

◇ In which Y/n wanted to confessed and Ted has a pastel pink apron.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

She consider herself as a tough independent woman who rather die and be beheaded than show any ounce of feelings or a hint of affection.

Her therapist said it's because she grew up in a household that doesn't show much emotion or any vulnerability. And they're right, she remember the time she saw her Dad shed a tear on the night of her high-school graduation, hiding behind his hands and cool dad stance before abruptly going to the bathroom and staying there for 40 minutes - he came back with red eyes and a terrible pun joke. As if nothing had happened.

So it is perfectly understandable that she grew up hating vulnerability, choosing to stay rigid and emotionless rather to have her whole soul on the palm of her hand. It doest help either that she's the eldest kid, the pillar of her siblings, the one who lays awake at night thinking any and every problems her parents throw at her way, worrying about it to the point her chest hurt and she has to learn to calm panic attack in such a young age.

So that being said, she never really had the full experience of romance or being in a relationship. She flirted with a few men on her lives and had fucked them plenty of times but she never really did the whole holding hands thing and all that cheesy stuff that people always whined about once the clock hits 10 and loneliness hits you like a freight train.

But meeting Ted, meeting Ted makes her want to dive head first on whatever corny things couples do in this day of age. Whether it be kissing on the rain or robbing a bank at 2pm in a Sunday afternoon.

She stared at him from across her, sitting so patiently like an overgrown child with a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"Something you need, Ted?" Her tone of voice held nothing but pure professionalism that made her quietly hissed.

Ted looked at her with his big brown eyes that makes her heart all googoo gaga, she sometimes wonder if Ted is secretly part of some hidden government group because she swore that puppy eyes could stop a international fued.

"Oh you know, just wanna visit ya'" he stated with a cheeryness only he can produced in the morning, all dimple and wide smiles. "'been awhile since I saw you, thought you're actually avoiding me but boss said that you're six feet under with all the work you got goin' on"

She chuckled at his words "Ted, I don't think there's anything in this world that could keep me away from you" she answered with a subtle smile, if she wanted him she would get him, whether it be by words or thousand of prayers.

Ted looked at her silently, wide eye and a blossoming blush on his cheeks. He looks ethereal underneath the early morning sun, a fallen single strand of hair dangling on his forehead that makes her hand itch with yearn to fix it.

"But I have been awfully neglectful to the rest of you, haven't I?" She decided to move on from her flirting (?), she doesnt want Ted to dropped dead on the floor from all the blood on his head. "I've been busy these past few weeks, but Will told me about the team plan get together on Sam's restaurant. I'll make sure to attend it, even shoulder the payment if we can get Sam to give us the bill"

Ted nodded his head, tounge tied for once, some part of her rejoiced while the other part, the one who always fear rejection and if she's being too much or too stupid, fear for whatever friendship they have (or had, if worse comes to worse)

"I-well" he cleared his throat, looking at her through his weirdly long eyelashes that always made her tear up in awe and envy.

"We can uh' y'know, we can split the bill, don't hav'ta shoulder it all by yourself"

"No its alright" she shook her head, she contemplate touching his arms, feel the soft fabric of his awfully comfy looking sweater and the skin underneath it but she decided not to, Ted might freak the fuck out and leave the room yelling 'HR! HR!' And have her fired and be shamed by the rest of the Richmond community for touching their beloved American wanker. "Consider it as my payment for forgetting to visit the locker room"

"Wasn't your fault, anyway" he shrugged before gesturing to the tower of folders and impending blueprints for the upcoming renovations and building upgrades. "I mean take a look at that, the great mt. Everest would cry if he saw this monstrosity. Even looking at it makes my stomach all funky" he shudder at its sight. "Do you even take a break? Jeez."

She sighed and leaned back on her office chair "from time to time, 15 minutes or 5. I like to finish my work early so.."

Ted frowned, he has one of those upset looks that makes her heart clenched and crack little by little until it exploded on her chest and she has to pretend she wasn't in pain so he could view her as a normal human being and not a lovesick teenager. "Ya should take a better care of yourself, you can't just go 'n on 'n on workin' till you drop dead" if it's possible, his doe eyes turned even more sadder. " its not good for you"

She bit her lip, her thighs moving up and down underneath her desk. She never liked it when he's anything but happy. "I can go take a rest when I go home and take a rest some more once I finish of all this work. its fine, don't worry too much about me"

"How can I not worry about you?" Ted leaned in, sad eyes and furrow brows. "Youre my-" he sighed before he shake his head "heck, If I had known you're over 'ere slowly killin' yourself i would have yank you from your desk till you're screamin' and cryin'"

Screaming and crying huh? Oh she can do that, alright.

"Ted.." she sighed, trying her hardest to ease the furrow on his brows "its fine, im fine. Don't worry about me too much. there's another game coming up, thats what you should be focusing on yeah?"

Ted sighed deeply, leaning back on the chair before nodding. A lock of hair fell down on his forehead, perfect it was, and y/n thought he never looked more beautiful then. She wonder if Ted kept his hair perfectly gel all the time or if he had ever let his guard down on the four walls he had been forcely call his home.

She would love to see him just him, just Ted, with his goofy smiles and bad puns and old reference from a bad film made years before.

She would love to love him, flaws and imperfections and bad days. She would paint him beautifully, perfect at every stroke of her brush and no smudge of mistakes and yet she knows she still wouldn't do him justice. Ted is just too perfect, too lovely, too godly to be even be depicted on a rough white canvas of this wretched world. Ted deserves to be painted in the walls of the church, or at every thread of the clouds, he was meant to be seen and to be watched and to be memorize until his kindness and his generosity and smile are engraved deep within everyone's heart. Y/n wanted to worship Ted with utmost devotion that her mouth would utter prayers like a second breath, until her two pressed hands bleed and flowers grow between her palm.

She watched him sat across her, his gaze darting everywhere on the carpet before a smile slowly broke on his lips, eyes suddenly lighting up and whole body perking up.

"Hey" he looked up to her, grin and joyful gaze "guess what I cooked last night" he had said giddily

"if you get it right I might just have to take a peek on that ridiculous sitcom you've always buggin' me to watch"

She scoffed, offended. "Modern family is not ridiculous, it's the best thing that ever happened to television-"

"Now hol' up. You're gettin' ahead of yourself now, sugar" she pretended the pet name didnt make her stomach flip and twist and did all kinds of wwe wrestling stunt. 

"I'll have you know that you're wrong, there are tons of- you know what, I ain't even gonna argue with you because we're both too tired for this and I'm too excited to tell you what I cooked last night, so just guess, come on"

She squinted her eyes before sighing as she started to think. "Well, last time we spoke you wouldn't shut up about barbecue and kebab and that one burger that sounds like it could kill you from one sniff"

"Triple cheese burger with bacon crisp, 3 sunny side eggs and curly fries dipped in ranch and garlic sauce with side on-"

"Sounds awful. Americans and their ridiculous food, seriously how are you not dead yet?"

Ted had shrugged with a sickeningly sweet smile "have no idea, but its good 'n ya know what they say 'enjoy life while it lasted'"

"Curse that qoute for manipulating you, let's just pray you wouldn't drop dead in the middle of the court because we can't handle your decaying body and another lose at the same time"

"You betcha! Now guess what I cooked!" Ted was almost jumping from his seat, propping his head on his palm as he stared at her.

"Come on, now"

"Curry"

"No"

"Friend chicken?"

"Nope, but boy I would love to have that right now"

"Salad?"

"Heck no! You kiddin' me?"

"Uhhh, curry?"

"You already said that!" Ted pouted lightly and she almost reach out to trace the bottom of his lips and mumbled how sweet he look right now but thankfully she stopped herself.

"Allright I give up" she threw her hand up and sigh "anything you cooked is fantastic anyway, doesn't matter what it is"

"Oh, arent you a sweetheart" he smiled at her so adorably it made her tooth ache. "I'm glad you think so because I just cooked f/f!" Ted yelled so excitedly, arms spread wide and eyes bright.

She looked at him with agape mouth

"F/f? Are you serious?" She grinned so widely, it has been awhile since she tasted it, mainly because the only f/f she had ever ate is the one her mother cooks.

"Course! I wouldn't lie to ya!" Ted had stated "I couldn't get some shut eyes last night so I decided to make it, better to do something than nothin' at all am I right?"

She's still looking at him, as if in trance. "Wow Ted..I mean im pretty fucking pump but-well, why did you make it? You could have baked, you usually bake when you have nothing to do"

Ted looked away from her, cheeks suddenly getting warm and pink under the sunlight. "Oh you know..just miss ya' I guess"

Her heart crumbled and melted inside of her chest, she could feel its warmth drip from every nerve she has and settle deep within her guts and lay there until she has to curl her toes in a pathethic attempt to calm herself down.

He took a peek at her under his lashes. "I was so used seeing you every darn morning 'ere so it makes me all sad and upset when I don't. Even coach beard had to knock some sense in to me, told me to keep my marbles together or else he'll hide my barbecue sauce" he lightly chuckled "pretty heavy threat, if you ask me"

"I didnt know you miss me so much"

"Are you kiddin' me? I miss ya a hell'ava lot more than 'much'" Ted had almost yelled "i miss ya more than Roy misses running! And thats alot"

She laugh quietly, both in amusement and the tickling feeling deep on her stomach that normal people (with normal amount of love on their heart) would refer as butterflies, but for her, for someone who love too deep and too vast and too much and for a girl like her that grew up reading stories and fairy tales and movies characters with soft confession under bright stars and harsh rains, she could refer the feeling on her stomach as a clawing beast, a magnificent one born on legends and shaky words of the fear locals, with a ferocious growl and wild eyes and fangs as big as a tallest house.

In short, everytime Ted does something so adorably lovely on her eyes she could feel the entire animals on her stomach.

She looked at him with a gentle smile, eyes bright and so so soft - looking at him a like proper lover would. "I miss you too, Ted" she had said almost like a whisper, like a sin. "More than you could ever know"

The statement sounded too intimate, the tone too romantic to be said between casual friends and even the silence after it could be written in a pages of old romance stories - describe it like moment after the music, where the two of them stares at one another with that yearning look that makes all the reader sick to their stomach.

Her words sounds like a confession, one that is so gentle even the gods up above would melt where they stood. She didn't utter the proper words of 'i love you' and didn't open her palm where her bleeding heart lay and offer it to him with a desperation - but the way she said her words, the way every letter soud so much like a sudden whisper in a night of passion and sudden realization of devotion and adoration makes her statement more than a confession - as if it was an oath, a promise set on stone. Like a knights word as he kneeled on his king and offered the edge of his swords, bare against the world, bright steel and fierce glare as his lips mouth his promise, the words he would live and die on, where war would start and where it would end - be it by his blood or his foes. And similar to that y/n is ready to be let down on where she sat, to spill her heart like a leaking wound and let it stains them both, let him know how she feels, how serious, how much time she had spent pinning after him, yearning, adoring him so silently like a lovesick suitor from afar.

Ted grinned at her, dimple deep on his cheeks and that damn fallen hair on his forehead that makes him so so lovely. He opened his mouth and y/n waited with bathed breath and wonder what words would come out but before he could even roll his tounge the door of her office opened with a harsh loud push.

"Y/n we have to- oh. oh Ted! Good morning!" Higgings strolled in clumsily and no matter how much she love the little dork she kinda want to crush his glasses on her palm and send him home.

"Higgins! Nice to see ya today, buddy" Ted stood up to greet him and to give him a pleasant hug and if the coach is annoyed at anyway, he didn't show it. God he's so kind its annoying..

"You too, Ted. You too" Higgins replied with a smile that reserved only for Ted, filled with gratitude and adoration before he turned to her and she watch, with great amusement and a little irritation, when that smile fell down on his lips. "And uh, we need to talk"

She sighed mournfully, waving a goodbye to the wonderful conversation she was having with her love and to the words he would say earlier. She gestured Higgings to sit across her before she met Ted's eyes.

"Im afraid we'll have to cut our cheesy conversation here, Ted. Duty calls and if you want someone to blame, blame Higgings" she pointed at the man with a teasing smirk that had Higgins poor heart rapidly beating with nervousness.

"What? But I'm merely doing my job-"

"Im fucking with you" she patted his shoulder with a light laugh before glancing at Ted, who still remained at her office with a smile.

"I'll gave you a call later" Ted had said "let's have a dinner, ill cook for ya'"

She bit her lip to keep the ridiculous love sick smile threatening to rip her mouth apart and nodded "ill look forward to it, have a good day"

"You too, sugar"

And he was gone and if Higgins wasn't infront of her, staring at her with that bewildered look only spooked squirrel could do she would have stood up and do a cartwheel on her carpeted floor because holy fucking shit Ted is going to cook for her, just for her, not like those times where they eat together on the locker room and she has to sneakily steal his lunch - tho she knows Ted wouldn't mind Beard is another problem, she still thinks Beard has a few dead bodies on his back, the man has a stare of a despondent convicted murderer inside a prison cell. Its crazy.

"Oh." Higgings blink rapidly, his mouth subtly and slowly forming a smile. "You and Ted?"

She squinted her eyes "We're friends"

"Not with that look in your eyes, no"

"What did you eat today to have you acting this cheeky, my dear Higgins?" She looked at him up and down with a scowl.

The man let out a grin

"I should be the one asking that" he then leaned in "or should it be 'who did you meet today that have you acting this lovesick, my dear y/n?"

She flush red "You're fired"

"That'd be the 205 times you've fire me and I will continue to ignore it as long as I live"

"The first time i did that you sobbed on my shoulder"

"Well its.." he looked away "it was a different time"

"Sure it was"

____________________________________

"Look what we have 'ere-"

"JESUS, ROY!" She had jumped 2 feet from where she stood, clutching her heart and her car keys.

"What the hell man!"

"What? You got yourself an American man and suddenly you're weak of heart?"

"That doesn't even make any sense.." she mumbled with a disturbed look as she stared at him. "What are you even doing here? and I dont have an American man, get your head straight"

"Its a fucking parking lot, im allowed to be here" He commented with a glared as he not so softly leaned on her car.

She sighed through her nose, annoyed. "What i meant was, why the fuck are you even standing about in here and suddenly appearing from the darkness like a...hairy angry batman"

"Im not fucking hairy!"

"you shed like a golden retriever, you're not fooling anybody!"

Roy, the dog, growled in annoyance before he blocked her way to the driver seat.

"Please move or ill yell bloody murder" she stated suddenly so so exhausted.

"Why actin' so rush? Got somewhere to be?" She squinted his eyes at him, suspicious and contemplating why is he being such a dick.

"Why are you talking to me like you're about to take my lunch money?"

Roy, with the little patience he has, growled once again before he shook his head, as if he was the one getting annoyed and tired on the conversation. Then he stared at her, right on the eye, as if wanting to burn her soul and cook her alive.

"Youre really not going to tell me?" He had asked, hands on his hips.

"Is that how it is?"

"What?" She ask, confused.

"You and Ted" Her eyes widen, what is he on about?

"Me and Ted? What about us?"

"Higgin-" he cleared his throat "I mean, someone told me you and the little prick was getting all chummy in your office. Even got yourself a fucking date, how lovely"

She sighed "there wasn't a date Roy, Ted and I are friends. And we aren't getting 'chummy' or whatever kind of meaning that word has in your vocabulary and tell Higgins-"

"It wasn't higgings"

"-tell him to keep his damn nose out of my business or ill key his car"

Roy stared at her for a long second before he clenched his jaw and mumbled a 'fuckkkkk'

"We're-" he swallowed before he looked upwards to the sky, as if begging the gods above to give him more strength. "We're-..f-friends, arent we?" Her eyes soften in both adoration and amusement as he grimaced with every letter he spoke.

She chuckled "we are, no matter how much you disdain that word"

"Then," Roy had sighed "believe me when I say that that cowboy Mr. Rogers is fucking inlove with you"

Suddenly the air felt too thick and her clothes felt too hot. "Roy, i think you're wrong. Ted wanst-"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me he wasn't because a blind bloke could see it in a mile away, he wouldn't fucking shut up about you. fuck sake, He even draws you!" He yelled dramatically, hands shooting in a air in a form of exaggerated irritation that only Roy Kent could do. "Those past few days where you lock yourself up in your bloody office has been the worst days of my entire life, Ted looks constipated half of the fucking time and all he does is broods and broods and fucking complains about you. He's insufferable! Beard has to talk to him in the bathroom to get him straight!" He massage his temple before sighing and looking at her so gently then, so softly, like a brother would, like a friend would do, like someone you can hold onto when life gets though and days gets bad.

"Believe me, he's inlove with you.." he softly said like a whisper.

"In every possible way a human could love, he's inlove with you"

Her breath hitched from her throat, tounge heavy on her mouth and her heart beat could be hear from miles away. The beast inside of her guts fell silent, almost asleep, like his words strike straight to his heart and send him down on the ground, wounded and shaken and could never get back up.

"I came here to.." Roy cut short, finding the proper words. "To tell you how happy I am that he finally work the balls to ask you out, but turns out he's still a fuckin' pussy and a mess of a man"

She chuckled and shook her head.

"Ted is.." She lick her lips and leaned on her car, Roy beside her and shoulder apart.

"I don't think Ted would do the first move, he's..afraid, I think. All his life Michelle was the only woman he knew, only woman he loved and if what you're saying is not true, then she's the only woman he would forever love" she said almost mournfully. "Divorced is hard, specially for someone like Ted who loves too much and give too much, maybe that's the reason why I'm hopeless inlove with him to the point of humiliation but who fucking  cares, right?" She shrugged.

She then swallowed before sighing a shaky breath. "I'll uh, ill confessed tonight. While we eat dinner, ill..ill try, and if- y'know, he doesnt like it then I'll back off" she bit her lip as her gaze burn holes to the pavement.

"I'll love him from afar, cheer for him from the stands and sob on my office if I saw him and sassy together again"

Roy chuckled "i remembered that one" reminiscing her worst times of sobbing half dead on her office table mumbling how cruel it is to love Ted and asking what Sassy has that she does not.

"Maybe ill hire a hit man too, have them kill you so you could forget about it" she bumped his shoulder with her own and lightly laugh when Roy grunts.

"I'll write it with my fucking blood, believe that"

"Write it with your chest hair and ill believe it"

"You fucking cunt-"

____________________________________

"Sorry 'bout the mess.." Ted gestured to the perfectly clean living room with a sheepish look. "didn't have time to clean up. I'm just too excited to cook for ya I forgot about everything else"

"That so? Well I'm excited to taste it, I'm sure it'll be wonderful" she smiled at him as she put the bottle of wine down on the marble kitchen bar.

"Oh it'll blow your socks off, its nothin' like the food at Sam's restaurant but its darn good if I say so myself" She watched silently as Ted, adorable adorable Ted, wore his pastel pink apron, tied it around his waist and fluff it with a lovely smile that almost had her clutching her precious weak heart.

"Im sure it'll be delicious" she say, referring more to the cook rather than food. "I like anything you do anyway, so"

Ted glance at her and smile, all dimple and bright eyes. It made her smile too, softly, subtly, like one of those yearning smile that hides thousands of words and promises and hopes and desperation.

Ted went back to his cooking, whistling a tune she swore she heard before. He was telling a story, one about a fish and a basketball and a prom that gone wrong but for the life of her she could not listen.

She thought about her conversation with Roy, the words he had utter that made her want to pour her heart out and confessed to her love. She dont want to be hopeful, being hopeful is nothing but a wish on the wind in this place. It is the poison that rots your mind, that decays the flower and the trees and the grass, break the ground you stood up upon - watch it crumble and crumble until your legs become weak and your bones break from your flesh and you fell ill and sick and cough blood until you die and wish that you should have done better, that you should have stayed quiet and at peace and settle from staring from afar instead of watching your own skin slowly peel away as you continue to hope and hope and hope and watch as the filthy earth swallow you whole and- Jesus christ she should really stop reading those sad terrifying books Nate had been recommending her alot, its ruining her head in the worst ways.

"Ya feel alright?" Ted's voice woke her from her thoughts.

She looked at him furrowed brows and concerned eyes. "Im good, it's nothing"

"We could just watch a movie, you know? Order some good ol' pizza and have a laugh on some bad movies and oh! You know what? we could just watch your favourite-"

"I rather just taste your food, Ted. If you don't mind"

"But you look tired" and there it is again, the puppy look, the vain of her existence. God he's so terrible she kinda want to kiss his face and pinch his cheeks.

She chuckled "arent you sweet"

"Oh gosh! I didnt- darn, I didnt mean it that way, sugar!" He was panicking, going all over the kitchen with his cute apron on and little sauce smudge on his cheeks.

"You l-look tired but y'know still pretty, and cute and-and you know? Please darlin' I didnt mean to offend you i just want to-"

"Hey, hey, hey.." she called out to him with a barely contained humour smile "I get it, I was fucking with you. I'm just joking, calm down"

He slumped dramatically on the counter with a sigh "oh goodness, you had me there. Thought I was gonna loose ya'"

They had talked a little bit, or maybe too much, she couldn't exactly remember how long it was or what it was about but she had know they had laugh and jest and share a few stories of their childhood and back when they're still a foolish teenager who didn't know what they want and where they belong - she  still don't know now if she was being honest, she wasn't really the kind of person that plans ahead of time, or give a genuine thought on what she wanted to do in the future and how she will get there but Ted is, Ted knows, Ted understand what he wants and how he will get there and what he see himself on the future and in which place and who he was with, it made her fall a little more inlove with him.

"How was it?" He had asked as he leaned in, nervous and fidgeting.

"Oh gosh please say somethin' I'm about to blow a nerve over 'ere"

She laugh "it was good!" And it is, the best curry she probably had.

"Its perfect, Ted. Even the spiciness is perfect"

He blew out an air "oh thank god, I was so worried ya wouldn't like it! And to be completely honest with ya' I thought I switched up the salt and sugar halfway"

She laugh again, it wasn't even funny, she's just inlove and a complete fool.

Ted started to talk about his day, down to what he had ate for breakfast and how terrible his coffee was 'it tasted like cow piss' his words. He then talked about his theory that Nate is secretly a goverment spy forced to work with him for a very dangerous top secret world breaking undercover mission - when she asked why he think that - 'because nate is a genius and there ain't no way he was a water boy before I came here and coach beard told me he saw nate yesterday slap a fly in a speed of light and didn't even flinch'

It was ridiculous theory but she then remember the amount of gory psychological thriller books Nate has been recommending her for the past few days and a good amount of them involves a spy or two. She wasn't convinced but she'll keep an eye out just incase.

"-it wasn't that much of a big deal"

"You set your school on fire!" Ted had exclaimed rather dramatically, on her opinion, as she told him her high-school tales.

"Thats like- Thats arson!"

"Its not arson if they don't know someone set it on fire" she tap her forehead lightly as if gesturing Ted to see how smart she is. And Ted, bless his heart, actually nodded.

"Youre right, thats smart. Look at ya' getting away with crimes in such a young age!" He grins so beautiful she was actually proud of what her foolish younger self did back then.

"You sounds awfully proud of me bring a criminal"

"Well its kinda awesome and speaking of awesome!--" his eyes was bright and there's a little smudge of sauce near his lips, he looks adorable and loveable and she just suddenly want to kiss him stupid and tell him how much she loves him-

"--Sassy and I are going on date this weekend!"

A glass shattered on the background.

She wasn't adventurous or a sucker for pain and near death experince but if someone had ask her what it would feel like when an arm go through her chest and crush her heart in one fist, she would describe what she's feeling right now in exact gruesome detail that even Nate would vomit on the corner.

She couldn't stop her smile for falling from her lips or the soft disbelief of 'oh' that escape from her tounge, its amazing how a simple two letter words sounded so broken out of the millions she had uttered before.

"Thats great, Ted" she thank every God there is that her voice didn't came out robotic "im happy, you deserve someone who can take care of you"

Ted nodded his head with a grin that is far too wide for his cheeks and then he stared talking, he was saying something but she couldn't hear it, didn't bothered to hear it, she was too busy wondering if the feeling of absence on her chest had been there long before or had just recently appeared now.

"-aint it funny?"

"Yeah" was her response even if she didn't hear any word of it, she avoid his gaze as she wiped her mouth with a tissue and cleared her throat - there's a vile stuck on it that she couldn't seems to swallow.

"Ted, I-uh, I think I'm gonna go home. I'm not feeling very well" she was a liar and a coward but she rather die than cry infront of him -  and suddenly she was young again, alone in her room, toes cold from the floor board and clenching her hands into a tight fist and wondering what is it about her that is unlovable.

"Oh, uh, okay" Ted stood up from the table "are you feelin' dizzy? Does your tummy feels funny? Do you wan-"

"I don't" she said firmly, she was upset, mad, not to him but to herself, for even hoping that she could have this. "I don't need anything, thank you" she lied and swallowed the humiliation of even wanting to say everything she wanted to say to him. All those words she wanted to confessed makes her sick to her stomach because how fucking dare she believe she even has a chance? How foolish to even assume she could have Ted?

"Nothing like a good rest would fix" she had stated, hoping to ease his mind but her chuckle came out weak and sad.

"Okay uh, ill walk you to your apartment - I mean, flat, christ-"

"Its okay" she grab her bag "I can walk by myself"

"I don't think its safe-"

"I can handle myself"

"Still, you look a little pale and I can't have a gal like yo-"

"Fucking hell Ted!" She had yelled and the guilt settled on her stomach as soon as she did so.

Ted look at her like she wasn't her, like another person came on his flat with a face of a friend he adores and she wanted to laugh because how could she want to love him and care for him when she could barely be half of a kind person that he was?

"Just- fuck, I got it. I can handle myself just dont-" she sighed through her nose and looked down, she could feel the tears on her eyes and but none of them fell down.

"Just let me be, yeah? I'm not a fucking toddler you need to be coddle all the time"

There's a pause before Ted nods "Okay" his eyes were sad, sadder than anything she had ever saw and it would've break her heart if it weren't shattered before.

She looked at him silently, a second. She almost wanted to say it, say the words, just lay it all on the table and let Ted feast on the remnants of her broken heart and whatever is left. He'll take good care of it, she knows. That's a kind of man he is. Maybe even fix it together with some melted gold.

"Im sorry" Ted was the one who apologized even if she should be the first, it made her guts coil. "I didnt mean to upset you, I was just-just worried. I'm sorry"

She looked down and clenched her fist, dig her nails on her palm.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I was being a dick and I have no excuse-"

"Youre tired and you're not feeling well, 's okay"

"Its not, Ted" she shook her head "I shouldn't have talk to you like that, you're my-" she swallowed "youre my friend, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry"

Ted smile, sad and worried all at once. "Its okay, I forgive ya'"

He shouldn't be, atleast not this easily.

"Okay" she nod her head once before she turn to the door with trembling hands.

Ted appeared next to her and held the door open for her. "Be safe, sweetheart"

'Don't' she wanted to whisper but felt too tired to do so.

"Call me when you get home"

"Will do"

The ground was wet as she walked and the road felt much sadder than before, the cold night air beg her for warmth and instead of the heat of her flat her mind travel to the warmth of his hands, of his touch. Y/n briefly wonder how she came to be like this, how she love so fiercely like a beaten dog and dig claw marks on everything she ever love just to watch it be yank away from her as easily as her tears could fall.

[accidentalchaosentity]

Have some jade harley headcannons for 4/13

- she often gets frustrated at her situation/how she grew up but doesn't want to take that out on her friends so when she gets upset the cheeryness goes up like 10 degrees. It's one thing over text but it's a whole different thing in person

- she's a hunter that grew up with no one else around besides her eccentric grandpa for a few years, she doesn't really know what normal social behavior is

- first off she stares, she has this way of unintentionally making you feel like prey in just a normal conversation. Unintentionally threatening in somehow the kindest way cuz you know she isn't going to hurt you but still

- she's also super physically affectionate if she's spending time with you she's either got a hand on your arm, arm around your shoulders, holding your hand or just generally hanging off you at all times

- it's for these reasons that on earth c at first people don't spend a lot of time with her at first. She either has to learn to dial it back or everyone just gets used to it, then people start seeking her out

- along that same vein I think her and dirk would get along really well, similar brand of unsettling so they don't unintentionally unsettle the other. Also with the benefit of similar interests they could probably be working together on a project for days before they realize oh yea we need to eat

- Jake likes her alright but while he isn't bothered with the subtle threatening aura the touchyness bothers him a little, once he brings it up she'll back off and they'll be good friends but until then he's in the same boat as everyone else

- Roxy and Callie on the other hand I think would also get along great with jade. They're all touchy and I don't think either of them would seriously be bothered by the staring. They just have to meet places other than their house cuz jade + cats don't necessarily get along unless it's a bigger predatory cat that her instincts register as on an even playing field as her

- kanaya and Jade get along wonderfully, they aren't the closest cuz for the most part kanaya is preoccupied with rose

- for the first few months on earth c jade spends more and more time with dirk, roxy and Callie so by the time things get sorted out and people start actively spending time with her they already have a bunch of inside jokes and talk like they've been friends their whole lives

- actually the more I think about it jade and dirk would be good for each other (not from a shipping standpoint) they're both touch starved and while dirk is paranoid about making people uncomfortable jade doesn't have room for that in her brains collection of emotions she's trying not to think about. They kinda balance each other out

- not to mention jade can see through all of dirks bullshit and she's refreshingly blunt honest and straightforward

Ok that's it for now I gotta look for fics of the two of them now lol

[plumbley-bee]

When I started watching this show and they got to the part where Takada found out about Nishimura's mom, for the briefest millisecond I thought he was go even harder into the "You're the grim reaper!!" Stuff and I was real scared about it.

Now I feel ridiculous for ever doubting my boy, but that was the moment that cemented this show for me. He plays this game, but the death of her mom is real. So, instead of his usual airheaded cheeryness, we get reminded once again of how kind and mature he can be sometimes. He's genuinely distraught over the idea that he's been mean to her at all without even knowing it, and out of all the possible drama I thought could happen in this show, THAT was not one of the possibilities I considered but I'm really glad they did it.

[thealmightyemprex]

Good Vibes Challange :The Wind in the Willows

@ariel-seagull-wings @amalthea9 @princesssarisa @angelixgutz @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland @goodanswerfoxmonster @filmcityworld1

Recommended by @the-blue-fairie ,I knew I had to watch this

So I never read the book,but I have seen several adaptations of the story .My first exposure was the 1949 Disney film The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad ,which has a short Toad centric tellling of the tale , but what hooked me on the story is the 2017 Musical version ,which is probabbly a contender for my favorite,and I quite enjoyed the 1985 Rankin/Bass version (EVen if I found Charles Nelson Reiley to be an odd choice for Toad ).I have grown very fond of this story (I'll go into why later ) and am always up to see a diffrent adaptation(I actually was going to watch this adaptation before but stuff got in the way and I forgot to finish it )

This 1995 film, isnt REALLLY a story its basically a bunch of scenerios connected by the characters .There is somewhat of a plot of Mole (Alan Benett),Ratty (Michael Palin ) and Badger (Michael Gambon ) trying to deal with the thrill seeking and egocentric Toad ( Rik Mayall ) who is obsessed with motor cars which gets him into a lot of trouble

I think the reason I love this movie and this story in general is it is just so CHILL ,your just hanging out with these lovable characters . The heart of the film really is the relationship between Ratty and Mole ,they have a very lovely relationship even when they bicker ,you can tell the care deeply for eachother ,my favorite scene being when Mole convinces Ratty to satay when he has the urge to travel and when they find Moles old home he abandoned to live with Ratty ,and Ratty is just complimenting the place the entire time when Mole is somewhat embarrassed ....I also dug the scene where Ratty and Mole met the God Pan,that was wild

Of course the comedic highlight is Toad ,I'll go into the voice work later ,but everything from the writing ,to the performance to the expressive animation make him such a funny character.He is the one character with NO chill and this might be my favorite take on Toad

The Animatiojn is beautiful,for a TV movie ,the production values are gorgeous,this is one of the prettiest animated films I think I have seen

This also hasthe best cast I have seen for this property I think these might be the definitive voices for me,being mostly comprised of great British talent .Of the main cast the one I am least familiar with is Alan Bennett as Mole (He seems to mostly be a writer ) but he gave a nice cheeryness to Mole.Michael Gambon is PERFECT as the grumpy Badger,and I actually had a tough ime recognizing him as he seemed to be putting on a gruffer voice but it so worked for the character .Michael Palin did such a fabulous job as Ratty ,you feel his love for his River ,his frustration with Toad ,and his friendship with Mole.Vanessa Redgrave does a marvelous job narrating ,and I like the wraparounds of her being a grandmother reading to her grandkids,just added to the cozy feel.Then we have Rik Mayall as Toad.Now Rik Mayall is a hit and miss performer for me ,sometimes I love him sometimes he annoys me ,and thankfully,,,,,This is one of his BEST performances,cause his abrasive style and obnoxiousness is PERFECT for Toad,like this is a perfect melding of actor and character akin to Gilbert Gottfried as Iago in Aladdin ,and Mayall is hilarious,sounds like he is having fun and is by far the BEST TOAD IVE SEEN .Honestly with these performances I forgot there were actors and just accepted them as these characters

I only have one gripe,and its I wish the finale where the gang fight off Weasals was longer and set up better (I like when the Weasals play a bigger role like in the musical )

Overalll.....Man this was good vibes.Just an enjoyable relaxing watch

[hazelplaysgames]

there was this Bulbasaur that decided to be a model for me. very cheeryful fella.

[ipodkawaiiangel-chan]

miss the old cheeryness and innocence of me those years ago. my life only heads deaper into the negatives. a depth with zero successful rescue attempts. stuck alone, not because no ones around but because no one will ever get me. even if i wanted to try i havv to remember this is what i deserve. the world will feel so blessed when i sleep for the lasst time.

[qkzy]

healing together

little gifts

they remember you they remember feeling heard

in a cruel world

forced to interact with humans

forced to not zombie fy into their scripts.....

a tension between behind the counters

overwhelemd tears

constant chaos constant intteruptions

to flow in between and amidst and in the intteruptions

accept all interruptiopns

PLEASE INTTERRUPOT ME THIS IS FLOW

and practice and flow

draft saved

a burnign of a wire

a cake

a heart cake

a heart making greek lady scratching many things

obesrving ciao bella

two ciao bella

one with rings

one ciao bella a bit quier

one coin collector

one san franscico

one cash cash boom

one bloody eye i like messy nailpolish oyu are not boring

one why are you so happy

one heloo hobble hobble to the happies girl in woodlands

one beautiful lady i see you i se the shop i see the tiredness and work is put through

one thank you for printing everyyhing

one i shall walk and this is the year iswas born this is the year i was born and now i shall read all my silly magainze s but laughter

laughter i bring you laughter i shall share with you bow

sparllign diamons laughet er shared smelling smiling smelling smiling looking at numbers giggling at wins and losses and more gigle and the state of teh world an d the intenstiy and balance and more things and c'est la vie la noir la vie les diamonts noirs a bientot mervielu and itailin

and macedonina

and dzin dobre zoupka babcia waz

and a winning

and breathe fast word play she is traveling the world

and forced politenss

and tired of being kind and feeling forced enrgy thrust forth

and hello where is the teaxi where is the taxi

and crotchet lady that does not like to speak

and baking lady

and colorugul daughet with sparekles in her hair

and cool mom

and many spenders much spender peopl

and sailing cflubs

and golfing clubs

and you are a blessing ad we dtry our best all we can do is trt our best

and here can you lainate this prayer

with ominsiceint omsinc onc spelling mistakes

adn wearing scarges and picing safarin

and unicorns adn unciron head badns

and cheeryness

and im feeling tired i dont really like being kind to children

and leaves and pain

and massages that help

anmd cadnleign

amd staying just simply at a flower byesdie the candlee iglih twe stare

to mmayn scfereens

but this time i dont have to type or lok at the screen

jsut fingers do work

but to have sunday mornign piano maybe not use words theat are identicied we dont know ho w private or publis these entries are i forgot

but i do still remember how to type adn tehre is magic in that

i see a pland

the plant

the begging nest plant

let us now count the leaves

listki

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven

we never coundted them before

was sometihngg just crawling on my face

we welcome crawls

and intteruptions

just d no walk into my eye.. mm

mpore epaceful mblss

and the babcai that sings how coudl we fogret

and the wipe your bum

come

and so many spirits

oh the skrit slit

t oh and lady gaga we lost count

so many different souls

in a foster home

dcannot slee

a proper ppillwo

mmm

tiss beautlfil to be

a bird

a fleet

all but all of this all of this is just a sumple fleeting moment tis tis tis tar tar tar

gunk wiping

sitting on floor oh t sit afer many horus

just me and the vacuum cleaner

is a bliss unto itself

jsut sitting

vacuumign coersn

those dark dark corers

those dark dark places thatno one e wants to g

ther ei stay

theere is tay

vacuumign

corners

echos

in an instant

nine yeras pass by

or they coudl hof

and stilll the lion guards us

echoes

of the solar eseence lulbaly

mm

doors close

doors open

beets contineu

refresh refeh

let anxiesty pass

we know you

you are friend anxity

yup oh i feel afraid thsi is normal jsut accept it as an dernrghy

[trivialtrivia]

Ohohoho! It took a bit of thinking to get four whole characters i relate to, but here you are!

Lemme find all my mutuals

@tribeofthedrunkenweasles @fluffylandshark

@carciinogen @katielynn526 @dormitos @lunarsluttymoon

Oh. Thats not many. Haha.

Edit: wait i forgot i was supposwd to read you lmao

High-femme bubbly cheeryness as a mask for Clinical Depression™

God forbid anyone ever sees you as anything else other than the class clown or life of the party.

Also you want to commit at least one crime. Good for you! Be gay at crime.

Making a tag game cause I can

Rules: post 4 fictional characters you relate to and assume something about the person you reblogged from based on their characters

No pressure tag! @sidneyoftheblackwoods @mqstermindswift @stars-and-birds @zenilvar @forever-chained-to-myself @themidnightarcher @skeelly @thepencilsnameissteve @thislove-taylorsversion @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @swiftieannah @a-pessimistic-swiftie @catastrxblues @jellycanon @what-about-wendy and anyone else who wants to join<3

[fddarchive]

Glyphmon, Lizzie/Sobe’s partner.

“Glyphmon, in contrast to cheeryful Arilemon, is a grump. He's sarcastic, caustic and usually complaining about something. He's not a big fighter, like Arilemon, it waste energy. He fights more agressively than Arilemon, using the huge bone piece on his tail to smash his opponent. He likes to play, though he'd be loath to addmit it to anyone. Sleeping and reading are his favorite activities, outside of fetch, which he is addicted to.“

- From sobe-elixer’s Deviantart account

[cynicjovial]

da girls

[tru-neutral-good]

"no, not magical." he chuckles, shaking his head a little. "We have regular books here too, maybe like twenty-five percent of our collection is mundane books."

god, he mustve looked like a fool, but this was probably the nicest interaction that he had this week. Causing that scene made everyone a little on edge, most put the blame on him. He was happy to carry it, but like, can people not be a dick about it?

"Sorry. its been a rough week." he sighs, dropping his facade of cheeryness a little. "Im glad youre here though."

@tru-neutral-good

Steve had never cared about who was important or not in the superhero roster. If they worked together, they were part of his team, and he cared about his team. He could also be kind of a dad toward the younger members without really intending it. It was just that he knew what it was like to be pulled into a war before he was twenty-five.

"Are those magical, or just noteworthy?" Bucky would have been thrilled about that too, his beloved sci-fi nerd. Steve had read it too, of course. In 1937 when his best friend wouldn't shut up about it. "You didn't. Always glad to lend a hand if I can."

[loveseanlau]

Your small space collocation division, colorful colors enrich your bathroom environment. Simple design and fresh color, give you a comfortable bathroom environment. #sean #colorful #comfortable #bathroom #faucet #basintaps #cheeryful #beautiful #homeenvironment https://www.instagram.com/p/B341L--p8b8/?igshid=1vaf7jrkei6wp

[pocketramblr]

Ok about the vigilante Tomura AU- is he just carrying a sack full of human hands wherever he goes?? I’m imagining a sinareo where he gets arrested once or twice but it’s not terrible because the heroes are sympathetic to vigilantes… and then the medium pile of severed human hands falls out of his backpack. How do you recover from that???

The answer is that you don't! You panic, dust the restraints, and grab the bag and hands and run, refusing to even risk coming out for food for three days

[m0onjellies]

every tuyu song just has that one line that always fucking sticks with you for no fucking reason like

[smallmight]

Something interesting also is that all of these falls are expression of fear or some form of acceptance, the "falls in laughing" is interesting as cheeryness is like a tenet of ruby and would be the only one of these expressing that type of emotion while falling

Ruby's Emblem:

We know she just gave up the one she has always worn since we first see her. Within this moment we also learn that the emblem contains a mothers promise. Leaving us to assume Summer left it to Ruby with a promise we can only speculate about.

A silver rose catching fire ontop.

A fitting symbol for a girl name Ruby Rose. Yet, Summer Rose with a white theme and silver eyes match a silver rose more so than Ruby Rose; a girl with a red theme and silver eyes.

She wears this emblem to carry out her mother's name and image through herself. To follow in her mother's footsteps, to become just like her.

This was never truly Ruby's symbol. It was just a shadow of her mother, another mimic. Ruby never claimed her own symbol because she doesn't know who she is outside of pretending to be her mom.

True Yangs and Tais Emblems match:

But yet are not the same...

Ruby needs to find herself within this volume.

I also see many butterflies around Ruby:

Could she perhaps gain a new emblem, one of her own choosing based on what she wants to be herself? Rather than trying to be an idealized version of a person she barely knows, she spreads her wings and fly.

(notice the wings that form with her eyes?)

And forges a new butterfly emblem/motif?

Perhaps taking on a whole new appearance reflecting her true self?

I go more into a possible outer appearance for Ruby here as well.