#cheerleading appreciated honestly I Don't Know What I'm Doing

[laugtherhyena]

*holds gun to your head cutely*

Hand over the platonic Inomori and no one gets hurt, I KNOW YOU HAVE IT >:3

(I'm so silly)

RAUGH ANON I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO AWNSER‼️ HAVE THIS AS A BONUS FOR THE WAIT TIME

-Unlikely friendship duo! That's honestly what i love the most about these two as besties, you don't expect someone so sweet and kind like Inori to be hanging around someone so rude and impulsive like Kizuna. But when you think about it, Kanata really is the friend Kizuna needed since she has the patience of a saint and is so nice o literally everyone that she would be there to stick by Kizuna's side and try to comfort/help her even when the rest of the class is tired of her bs or dislikes her for what she does.

-Although I'm sure Kizuna would be kinda annoyed with her at first, since she doesn't interact much with other girls, she would quickly grow to befriend Kanata because really, that's all she wanted, she just wanted a friend that liked her for who she is instead of being around her just for her looks + i think Kanata would actively try to help her steer away from her habits of gold digging and manipulating people while still sticking by her side so there's that.

-Kizuna absolutely teases and plays around with Kanata given their heigh difference. She will rest an arm on the top of her head or wrap them sound her neck, sometimes she will bend down to her level and talk with a baby face just to annoy here.

-Kanata is the person she goes to whenever she gets hurt while practicing a move or cheerleading stunt, it's never something serious to need a whole surgeon for, but it's an excuse to go after Kanata so of course she will take it.

-She will talk about the most random gossip to her, both in person and by phone, stuff Kanata has no interest in knowing about but she'll listen regardless. Tho 99% of the time she will question why/how Kizuna even knows that and if she should really be sticking her nose into whatever mess she's rambling on.

-Sometimes during these talks she will tell Kizuna she probably shouldn't do certain things, and afterwards it's a 50/50 on if she will do it or not now that Kanata adviced against it.

-Kizuna also tends to call her to ask random bullshit sometimes, in most of these occasions it takes Kanata a minute to even process it before she can respond.

-Kizuna listens to Kanata ramble about medicine stuff, almost as much as she listens to her random gossip. She has no interest in the topics but listens pretty attentively since that's her friend talking and seeing how excited she gets doing so it's fun for her.

-She also listens to Kanata complain about certain things in the hospital or her life and just give her two cents on it since most of the time she won't know exaclty how to help, Kanata appreciates having someone to talk about these thinhg at least.

-They tend to watch a lot of movies together, be it on an actual teather or in Kanata's house. They also tend to show each other shows they like every so often, though Kizuna sometimes brings some intentionally bad ones just to see how Kanata will react.

-She shows up to Kanata's house somewhat often, mostly just to talk to see her whenever he feels like it, though sometimes she wil show up to her place under the gist of talking about something random when Kanata can tell there's something bothering her. She will never just open up about things from the start so Kanata has to kinda ease her into it until she's comfortable enough to tell her about her problems, this is how Kanata learned about Kizuna's messy relationship with her parents, why she does the things she does and how she really just wanted someone who would see her for who she is. And it's from these talks that she gives he advice in how to change and Kizuna starts becoming a nicer person.

-I hc Kizuna as a comphet lesbian so when she comes to the realization that she's into girls she goes to the Ando household in a similar fashion and subsequently Kanata ends up being the first person she comes out to. Afterwards she will sometimes show up to gush about crushes or rant her frustrations when it comes to flirting with girls and Kanata has to remind her she's not a relationship adviser.

[muppetminge]

i don't as such care much for the concept of pride month, but since i happen to not have much going in june i will take this as an excuse to watch a bunch a lesbian films. in theory, this could be 30 - in practice, it almost definitely won't be. i will 100 % get bored and stop at some point. anyway i want to find like actually good lesbian movies - which might be an oxymoron, but anyway - this means i'll only be watching woman-directed movies, preferably lesbian-directed but i'm aware i probably won't get to be that picky </3.

movies watched:

1. The Watermelon Woman (1996), dir. Cheryl Dunye. "all you do since you don't have a girlfriend is watch those boring old films" well, screw you too, tam. so happy to start off the month with something that's actually good. thank you cheryl <3 speaking of, this woman is so fucking hot it's bullshit. also i do need her earrings like asap but that's another topic. forever saddened by the death of video stores... where am i supposed to go to meet hot lesbians now? netflix? it's bullshit, man.

I don't think there's any part of this I don't find incredibly compelling. It's really funny, and just generally so charming and, well, human. the narrative of building your own history really resonates, and honestly cheryl gets it across incredibly.

2. Pariah (2011), dir. Dee Ress. i didn't vibe with this one as much, but i guess that's my own fault considering i knew very well going into this that i don't particularly like coming-of-age movies. the soundtrack hit most of the time, even if the soundscape in general was a bit flat for my taste. it's a very dark movie. like, physically. i couldn't see shit half the time. also not really a fan of the camerawork throughout most of it. it's a nice-looking film if it's your kind of taste - unfortunately i am too kitsch to really appreciate it :/ i thought scene near the end with lee and her dad on the roof was really nice. also found kim wayans' character really compelling

3. La Belle Saison (2015), dir. Catherine Corsini. not projecting but also delphine i feel you so hard. is this representation because if so i don't mind it... (except the part where you're actually getting some but whatever). desperately making me feel like i should wear more tank tops. anyway delphine was really in a headlock with every single one of her principles toward the end huh. i get the dilemma though her riding tractors is basically public service (to Me because it's incredibly hot). i'm not even gonna be an ass about it like i genuinely just really liked this.

4. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), dir. Jaime Babbit. "1-2-3-4, inverts we won't be no more!" obviously i've watched this a million times before. did take this as an excuse to watch the extended edition and like just saying ms babbit if you want to extend even more you're more than welcome to it <3 gonna be careful about mentioning natasha here because i love her and chances are i won't be able to shut up again but gd people really do underestimate how fucking funny she is… i've personal beef with clea for having basically the same haircut i had for a long while and making it look so much better. only realized on this watch that melanie lynskey's playing hilary. incredible. anyway i genuinely don't know what more anyone could possibly want in a movie. it's so hot. like all movies should look like this - let those colors pop for a change! one of the best soundtracks of the last thirty years and i'm so serious about that.

i think this was probably the first genuinely good lesbian movie i saw as a teenager desperately searching for something to relate to. it still grips me from the very first scene even now. i do think the stars aligned to make this work. it's so funny and it's such a great satire.

5. リズと青い鳥 / Liz and the Blue Bird (2018), dir. Naoko Yamada. shit, dude. first of all this is so so pretty. it makes me insane how much care and effort they'll put into like a background shot of a shelf or something... and all the watercolor... gorgeous. like just the opening shot with all flowers and the colors that are just popping right out at you... in general just really effective visual communication, especially on rewatches i'd imagine (after having seen the final hug scene). i remember when i went to high school one of my classmates was so incredibly musically talented it was genuinely a bit infuriating and i was so shocked she didn't go on to study music 'cause i would have if i'd been able to get in lmao. anyway this was really sweet. the last third is so incredible. when they finally play it, damn... genuinely like goosebumps. and then it somehow kept going? i feel like it's still settling while i'm writing this but i feel like i'm probably going to watch again at some point.

6. I Can't Think Straight (2008), dir. Shamim Sarif. cut to waters novel. cut to k.d. lang cd. one wonders. this having a lower average than imagine me & you if anything really shows that reviews are bullshit. loved the music. loved lisa ray's character being half a second from jumping leyla at all times. loved zina; wish she'd had more scenes. loved leyla's dad being an insurance salesman; life insurance even. sells itself. when the ladies finally did jump each other it was with zero hesitation and i fuck with that so hard. this movie is so funny i don't care. bonus the ladies are very very hot. you can't fault a movie from 2008 for being incredibly 2008. here's to leyla for one day achieving the honor of being tala's fifth fiance(e). truly gettin' it all.

7. Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019), dir. Céline Sciamma. writing this on the eighth with an officially broken streak :( it Will happen again. this is indeed the first time i've watched this because i am to my core a contrarian bitch and seeing everyone freak out about this did Not make me want to watch it. now i have, and like... it's alright, yeah. didn't love love it. it's probably too long for what it's got going on. i loved héloïse; she was great. there's some really powerful scenes in here, the bonfire scene especially. i really liked how blue the ocean was; i hate this tendency of (especially) period pieces washing out everything to a ridiculous degree. i know some people are like insane about this movie and i'm happy for them but i can't relate unfortunately.

i did think briefly at the start that it was gonna be about croquis, and i really wish it had been, ngl.

8. Carmen y Lola (2018), dir. Arantxa Echevarría. 'ya te he olvidado' yeah babe sure looks it. had a certain interest in this going into it for very elaborate personal reasons. it's a lot better than the synopsis makes it sound. lola searching 'lesbianas madrid' like i feel you girl, been there!!! speaking of i was def convinced lola was a lesbian which feels like so rare in such a 'mainstream' movie lmao so well done. very believable. and like my girl was so so persistent you gotta give her that like she really went for it. can't blame her i'd be so into carmen too so like. her voice made me wanna die. so hot. (sí también es que el acento madrileño me pone un poquito pero,,,,). it really went insane at the end like damn. i was not expecting the ending tho like i really thought carmen was gonna be annoying about it. do i even have to save that i really liked this? because surprisingly i really really did. i can't help but feel it's getting rewatched a ton some time lmaooo.

9. 漂浪青春 / Drifting Flowers (2008), dir. Zero Chou. can't believe someone in the reviews of this stole my joke three years ago. speaking of reviews don't look at them because of course people have to be so so annoying about this. as usual. anyway. i was so drawn in by this you wouldn't belive!! i don't even know what to say... this is for all us if these walls could talk babes btw. loved the scene where one of the characters blatantly walked by posters and posters of one of chou's other movies. show off.

diego!!! <3<3<3 every single character is lovely but diego made me wanna *** ngl. it did hit very close to home, thanks for asking. realised in her part that i probably chose the wrong day to watch this but that's on me lmao. this would have broken me if i had watched it as a teenager lowkey. does it come across in this that i really like interconnecting vignettes? because i do, and this is really well-executed. hope you'll watch it and also that you'll find less spotty subtitles than i did if you do lmao.

it's a very genuine movie; i don't mean that in a condescending way, because it's also very much a well-made movie, but it's a movie that so clearly has a lot to say, and i appreciated all of it. perhaps this is also why i was so surprised at the reviews, because it really resonated with me. i know i've already pointed out diego a lot, but all three parts were incredible and they really held each other up. i don't think any of them would feel as complete without the other parts. in an odd way it stands like a shining light in the darkness.

10. Addicted to Fresno (2015), dir. Jaime Babbit. "(lesbians are poor. ..)" confirmed babbit apologist sorry :/ anyway i'm not gonna compare this to cheerleader i wouldn't want to try to follow that either. it's a fun movie! i laughed a ton. my lyonne obsession is well-documented so i'm not even gonna touch on that lmao. that being said martha is exactly the kind of lesbian i want to see more of (no projection here. obviously). i'm bound to be all over anything with these themes; lo and behold indeed i was. i stand by this being really well-executed, y'all just didn't get what she was trying to do <3 you could argue some tonal difficulties, but honestly i'm not going to. it worked. it's a bit quiet, but i can see that adding to the whole point of being stuck. some surprise appearances to delight

11. Saving Face (2004), dir. Alice Wu. first of all gd will's mom has got it going on. anyway i wanted a fun romcom and i got a fun romcom so i'm not complaining! i will say that i think this is the genre at its best. like romcoms often risk coming across as a bit clinical i feel, a bit empty, but this is just so warm. i adored hwei-lan (not just because she's hot but let me reiterate that she's so unbelievably hot; i get that boy so much, i really do), she's so funny. i love circular storytelling, and i think the end was done really well. the scene after that during the credits is exactly how i want my movies to end actually, i want my face to hurt smiling. don't you? wil is an absolutely idiot. i cannot blame her for a single thing. also i get you babe, i can't stand for dancers either. i feel like this is close to being one of most just plain fun movies i've watched so far.

12. Kyss mig (2011), dir. Alexandra-Therese Keining. gd i so want all my lesbian movies to start with a straight sex scene, don't you? coming to you with the exact opposite mood of that from yesterday. everyone in this is horrible. mia and frida's relationship is not believable at all to me sorry. i barely believe that these two even like each other if i'm being honest. it's not the first movie here where the romance comes a bit from nowhere (namely portrait, which made up for it with some level of charm, and belle saison, which i just liked enough otherwise to excuse it) but here i'm definitely gonna blame it for it because it's got nothing else going on, either. to be entirely fair, it was very optimistic going into this with my dislike of 'scandi dramas', especially of the swedish variety, but fuuuuck, i was so bored i'm sorry. it's soooo slow. i actually quite liked elin but she was there for like five seconds - and good for her, because damn you deserve better babe... both of the main women kind of suck lmao but at least frida sucks in a fun way most of the time, so she's excused. i don't know if i'm supposed to feel bad for tim (probably! knowing the genre, knowing swedes, knowing movies), but he's such an asshole. i genuinely think mia should have killed him. i can't blame mia for sucking; her dad's a major asshole, i'm sure she's had it rough. i'm sure if you like this sort of movies it's alright. it's not badly made by any account, i just really didn't like it. it has its audience. definitely a new low so far. the one good thing about this was that it really made me appreciate being a lesbian; those scenes with mia and tim genuinely looked like my personal hell. if i was mia i'd jump the first girl who looked at me too, ngl. the ending did make up for a few things, all things considered. i watched a not insignificant part of this without subtitles (because they would not workkkk) and i'm so brave for that tbh

13. Kokon (2020), dir. Leonie Krippendorff. proof that i should probably do more research before watching stuff (never going to happen though; no fun) because i did not realise this would be this much of a coming-of-age story. like literally hitting all the points. anyway it didn't do much for me. i really don't want to be mean here because it's obviously a very well-made film, and i get the intention, but... i was so fucking bored you would not believe. like i was less actively annoyed by this than kyss mig, but way more bored. it's not a very long movie, but it sure feels like it! anyway, if you're watching for the rep, you can skip this one; it's not really the main part of the movie, which is fine - comparatively, pariah had much more of a lesbian focus. this one really is just coming-of-age. something something you know you're in berlin when the whitest girl you've ever seen is swearing on the qur'an. i'm so glad i'm not a teenager - and what a joy to be getting further and further away every day <33

14. Desert Hearts (1985), dir. Donna Deitch. first of all the soundtracks is lovely (and it's a well-documented fact that mona will forgive everything for a good soundtrack). second of all i want to watch this again. like, immediately, right now. i'm gonna watch this so much i fear it's not even funny. ignore the 80s hair; we're in the 50s. one of the better romances yet. the lesbian-english teacher hypothesis proving true time and time again... incredible. cay is so funny. like the way the camera pans over to her in the bed in the hotel room scene... cinema! i was fucking done lmao. it's all just very lovely.

15. Go Fish (1994), dir. Rose Troche. well, we had to go here at some point. it's a very jazzy movie; take that however you wish. i have my criticisms, but also you can't blame a 90s movie for being too 90s (which in truth is what a lot of it boils down to). max' narrations were without a doubt my favorite part, the start especially so. there's more lesbians in one 80 minute movie than i've even crossed paths with, ever. cutting your fingernails before a date counts as foreplay in my book.

16. Joven y alocada (2012), dir. Marialy Rivas. i just know the progressive profesoras are going wild over this. huge respect to chileans for seeing a word and deciding fuck that shit and dropping half of it. top five accent ngl. also polola... also credit for starting a movie in the most uncomfortable way possible. anyway i am so not the target audience for this it's not even funny. it's well-composed, the style is great, entirely well-done, did not care for it. i only finished because i couldn't get the last-moment replacement to work and i didn't have time to watch anything else lmao. i have a lot of respect for rivas (hence me watching this) but... yeah. also really getting confirmed that i am very fine with lesbian sex scenes but straight sex scenes are horrrrrible.. nice reminder of the lesbianism i guess! i will be singing yo no te pido la luuuuna the rest of the night though. non voglio mica la luna...

17. Les Rendez-vous d'Anna (1978), dir. Chantal Akerman. an excuse to cross some akerman off my watchlist? you could call it that. i have a ton of respect for her. she's a very interesting person, i think. an interesting movie, too, all things considered. i'm very much drawn to the fastpaced and erratic truth be told, which this is like the polar opposite of, but it's got its point. i really liked the part with her mother. that was probably the high point of this. i didn't really care for either of the guys, like, at all, but it is what it is. still gathering my thoughts, i feel. not sure i'm entirely in the right space to really appreciate this.

18. Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011), dir. Madeleine Olnek. "...I did wonder about the gills". oh, this is how you make a movie. (was smiling and/or laughing from beginning to end). question: can this be replicated in real life. like can i just go find the nearest hot stationery clerk or how does this work.

19. Mädchen in Uniform (1931), dir. Leontine Sagan. all impact aside, this is a lot more fun than i'd thought. obviously i've been putting this off for a while now considering i hadn't seen it til now, but i really did enjoy it. i feel like it's rare seeing girls just having fun like this. as a young girl i was very into this old book series (incidentally from my mother's childhood) about some girls at a boarding school; entirely irrelevant to every and anything here, but watching this gave me the same vibe throughout much of it.

20. سكر بنات / Caramel (2007), dir. Nadine Labaki. absolutely adore this one description i found that says rima is struggling with her attraction to women - lmao where?? the most she struggles in this movie is the coerced leg wax lmao. otherwise it's basically all very sensual hair washing, gd bless. she's also very hot btw i do need to mention that. i see you all going crazy over labaki and you're not wrong but gd man... anyway, sensual hairwashing aside, the straight girls are alright too. seriously, this is actually very good. even though rima's the lesbian the most homoerotic part of this is layale very aggresively waxing of her lover's wife.

21. Een vrouw als Eva (1979), dir. Nouchka van Brakel. after a hundred minutes still not convinced this is a real language. anyway, i don't even know what to say. fuck, dude. gd. you could argue dated, but fuck it's rare to see a movie like this treat its lesbian protagonist with this much sympathy, even today. there's a lot to say, but in my mind this is what i keep coming back to. it's in the little things. at no point does this feel perfomative to me, either. a few asides: the beginning of this movie was very extremely effective at showing how utterly miserable eve was lmao. ad is a giant asshole; eve not slapping him is a testament to this poor woman's patience.

22. 蝴蝶 / Butterfly (2004), dir. Mak Yan-Yan. between the marianne faithful, patti smith and janis joplin i can't be entirely sure jin's place isn't actually mine also fuck josie ho is gorgeous. i almost didn't watch this (length) but gdddd i'm so glad i did. it took a bit for me to get into, but by the time it ended i had to just sit for a moment. it's breathtaking, honestly. i don't know what it is - maybe it's the timelessness? the way everything weaves in and out of each other constantly, like it's all happening at the same time. i don't know. it's so gorgeous, though.

23. Viola di mare (2009), dir. Donatella Maiorca. ah, sicilia, amore mio <3 anyway what the fuck. i think that's my main impression for the moment. gd. supposedly based of a real story, i really do think it's told well for the most part. i mean, gd, it would have been so easy to focus on all the surrounding, but the love really is palpable i gotta be honest. making me sigh and swoon over here... if more people were like angela, like first of all that would rule, but also lesbian movies would be sooo short. she's damn persistent lmao love her <3 definitely worth watching, but like do not read up on a single thing beforehand.

24. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), dir. Maria Maggenti. "Is this another one?" sometimes you really just do wanna watch two girls having fun. american high schools in media always throws me a bit because i genuinely can't tell how much is artistic exaggeration and how much is just you guys living like that. seems sick. if i still went to the hairdresser i'd show her a picture of randy in this. not getting over vicky's husband getting physical with a literal seventeen year old lmaoo go home dude! it's all very cute, genuinely. by my count this brings the jopling counter up to three. bonus for the bratmobile.

25. I've Heard the Mermaids Singing (1987), dir. Patricia Rozema. i'm really glad this is the one i'm the ending this on. gddddddddd i loved this so much. to quote polly herself: it's so... nice! oh, polly... <3 seeing a quirky weird girl represented so well is like seeing a shooting star.

all in all: this has been... really fun, actually. i don't know that i was counting on that. i did not in fact get bored and stop. i'm willing to concede that the amount of actually, genuinely good lesbian movies might in fact be a positive integer after all. definitely a much more fun way to spend pride month than engaging in nonsensical discourse. happy july! <3

[wordsinhaled]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @landwriter <3 thank you, gloam!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

14! (yes, only 14)

What's your total Ao3 word count?

14,842

What fandoms do you write for?

so far, it's been the sandman, good omens, and merlin - though i don't have any published (or finished...) merlin fics. i also just finished dead boy detectives, which may result in a bit of fic - we'll see!

Top five fics by kudos:

just pull on your hair, just pull on your pout - shameless excuse to make dream & hob make out in the cold like teenagers, inspired by the cure & a beautiful fanart of professor hob by @pomegranateruin!

eternity is in us now - dreamling proposal fic <3

if the walls were too thin, you would break right in - this was the first dreamling fic i wrote! :D

while the little moments dream - the one where dream offers hob godhood at the end of the world. soft <3

we are the cosmos fleeing the night - i think this was my second dreamling ficlet? dreamling FWB but make it still romantic

Do you respond to comments?

i'll be honest, i'm pretty bad about responding to comments - NOT because i don't appreciate them! i love each comment i receive dearly and they all mean the world to me. but being less generally flustered and knowing what to say in response to comments is something i'm working on. <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

maybe this one? all night or a hundred years is my take on the wine-sharing scene from season of mists. so you know, angst comes with the territory but that one hurts me particularly badly, so it probably fits the bill.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

it's DEFINITELY this one, which has no name and which i should probably crosspost to Ao3 at some point, but it's basically dreamling being sappy and getting married. that's it, that's the plot

Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully i never have!

Do you write smut?

i write... smut-adjacent? i don't think i've ever written like, a pure PWP before or anything i would say rates as explicit. it's just something i've never tried and feel kind of intimidated by tbh, though i'm sure it would be fine if i ever do get around to it! if anyone wants to cheerlead me through my first smut fic i am game, lmao (is there ghost detective smut on my horizon???? IS THERE??? listen. it's not an impossibility is all i'm saying)

Craziest crossover:

i am not sure i've actually written a crossover, but i just finished dead boy detectives and i have many crossover thoughts! oh, also sandman/the old guard, of course. though that's not so much crazy as reasonable, i think

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't believe so, but i would be honored!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

never, but it sounds fun!

All time favourite ship?

well, i'm a multishipper, so this one's hard - i can list my OTPs per fandom... the sandman - dreamling, gaulcienne, hob/destruction (honestly hob/all the endless thanks to @softest-punk but i particularly love how you write hob/desire) doctor who - tenrose / doctor/rose & thoschei my beloveds (particular shoutout to twelve/missy, no one's doing it like them) bbc merlin - merthur, merwaine, mergwenthur dbda - obviously edwin/charles [and edwin&charles of course\ (whatever their ship name is I REFUSE TO CALL IT CHEDWIN... PLEASE... SAVE ME...). but i was absolutely also rooting for crystal/niko in addition to that...

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh my god i have so many. SO MANY. TOO MANY. i really want to finish the dreamling fealty fic one day because i literally have 2k+ words for it already sitting in my drafts, but i have no idea if i will. also it would be nice to finish ANY merlin WIP sometime this century. i am also debating if i want to start any dbda WIPs but they are... percolating still

What are your writing strengths?

i would say conveying atmosphere in a small number of words, if i had to say something!

What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING THINGS! god, and i'm terrible at turning fic ideas into actual writing. the ideas form faster than i can even write them down, but writing the ideas instead of having them play out cool music video-style in my head is SO HARD! also longfic is my kryptonite, i have no idea how authors do it!!!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i think it can work, but if it's in a language i understand i find myself focused on if the grammar is correct and such. russian usually... has not been (stevebucky fandom i'm looking at u)...

First fandom you wrote in?

harry potter ages and ages ago was my first fandom, but i don't recall if i ever had any actual proper finished fics that i posted anywhere, until sandman fandom. i wouldn't say i considered myself a "proper" fic writer until dreamling actually

Favourite fic you've written?

hard to say - i like them all for different reasons but i'm proud of the opposite of blindness !

tagging whoever wants to do it as i'm sure most of my mutuals have already done this! <3

[arospecbandgeek]

I'm baaacccckkkk with a doodle and questions.

Doodle-

Teehehe I gift my silly drawings to people

1- What's her Music taste?

2- Is she only scared of Bonnie because shes a juvie convict? Or is she scared of all convicts in general?

3- Do you think that the cheerleaders, and Color Guard would have sleepovers after the performances/games? And if so, would the two be separate? Or would both teams be together?

4- Favorite animal and food?

5- Is she scared of cops? Like she knows she's a banzai blaster, so when she sees a cop or Percy (or even someone related to Percy *cough* Parker *cough*) does she get anxious like Carcrash does?

6- Any info on Blaries family? Any siblings? Is she close to anyone in particular?

7- Have you been hit by the square anon yet?

Again, I lurk and I love OC development so I'm gonna be here. Feel free to like, not answer. And don't be afraid to like ask me abt my characters. Again, I like talking Abt them and hearing ppl talk abt theirs.

thanks for the doodle! length warning again.

BLAIRE KATCHADORIAN (EE OC)

1- What's her Music taste?

Mainstream rap (90s - Now) and alternative pop (Basically the in-universe equivalents to Lana Del Ray and Florence and The Machine).

2- Is she only scared of Bonnie because shes a juvie convict? Or is she scared of all convicts in general?

Yes and no. She’s afraid of Bonnie because she could be a threat, her being an ex-convict is the main part of her reasoning, though. She knows that people go to jail for many different reasons, even if they aren’t violent, it’s just that Bonnie is a mix of both which makes her worried.

3- Do you think that the cheerleaders, and Color Guard would have sleepovers after the performances/games? And if so, would the two be separate? Or would both teams be together?

Yes. Note that I plan on showing other OCs that are cheerleaders later (I’m working on Monica, the head cheerleader, but I draw slow as hell so I’ll probably be done days from now), and I feel like they would have sleepovers. I can’t speak too well for the color guard, since they’re not my OCs, but I think they would too.

I don’t know if they’d mix sleepovers, but it would honestly be funny if they did. Like going from bickering over a practice field on Friday to watching a movie and eating ice cream the immediate day after.

4- Favorite animal and food?

Unicorns and vanilla ice cream. Unicorns because she’s an avid MLP (or equivalent) fan. She keeps that a secret though because it would be “lame to like a kids show”. She likes vanilla ice cream because it’s sweet but simple.

5- Is she scared of cops? Like she knows she's a banzai blaster, so when she sees a cop or Percy (or even someone related to Percy *cough* Parker *cough*) does she get anxious like Carcrash does?

If this AU takes place before the redwood run arc, then no. If it takes place after, then only Percy. She also wouldn’t be afraid around Parker after finding out who her relatives are, but just makes sure not to do anything illegal around her.

6- Any info on Blaries family? Any siblings? Is she close to anyone in particular?

She’s an only child with two parents named Isabella and Daniel who are (un)happily married. Blaire isn’t that close with either of them, with Isabella being a borderline neglectful wine mother who cares about business more than her kid, and Daniel being an enabler.

7- Have you been hit by the square anon yet?

The who? /gen

Again, I lurk and I love OC development so I'm gonna be here. Feel free to like, not answer. And don't be afraid to like ask me abt my characters. Again, like talking Abt them and hearing ppl talk abt theirs.

No, you’re fine. If anything I actually kinda appreciate these asks. I genuinely have nothing better to do right now. 😭 By the time the weekend’s over I’m obviously not gonna respond this quickly, but I still probably will.

I’ll ask about your OCs too, I’m just idea bankrupt right now.

thanks for the ask! 💞

[midnightmah07]

Hello Mah! ♡

Of course! Ruthie doesn't really have a background with anyone (other than knowing Trey and Che'nya and vaguely knowing who Riddle is), so she's essentially a clean slate, meaning that she has a lot of shipping potential! And Cater is a character I personally wouldn't have thought of, so it's very refreshing! Makes me think I should start considering other characters I might not have thought of too!

Plus I really appreciate your input and value your opinion, which is why I wanna make sure I fully consider Cater in depths!

Speaking of Cater! After reading up on him a bit, I think that him and Ruthie could potentially work? Maybe?? From what I read, it seems like other than moving around and never really staying one place, his family kind of pushed their own likes and wants onto him?

Like how he doesn't like sweets due to having to constantly eat them in his childhood, and how his sisters kept pushing their likes onto him (cute things, shopping, etc), making him feel like he couldn't be himself/have his own likes and wants. And then with all the moving he never really got close with anyone or anyone really know the real him.

With this in mind, all I can think about is Ruthie wanting him to be happy. Not only with himself, but as himself too. There is nothing wrong with liking certain things, disliking certain things, etc. And she would make it a point to let him know that.

I'm glad you like Adamina! I thought it was a nice name too! I'm having fun developing her and her friendship with Ruthie, it's very sweet!

Awwww double date with Daisy and Ruggie would be so cute! Also I had no idea that Cater and Ruggie commented on date spots in his platinum jacket vignette, that's such a funny coincidence! I love the fact Ruggie said the park since that's where I usually write him having his dates lol And I'm guessing Cater said a popular sight seeing spot due to the MagiCam potential, as I read that even though he doesn't like sweets, he still goes to cafes and such and orders sweets just to take a picture to post. Which honestly Ruthie likes sweets so maybe he takes her there and orders something and gives it to her after it takes the picture? That would be cute...

Oh goodness...yeah I can definitely see how Isabelle and Leona would be harder! I think the first time she would ask without thinking, but after reading the room she probably wouldn't ask again, as she wouldn't want to upset anyone (considering there relationship is complicated)

I also love fairy godmother characters so I thought the connection was cute too!

Sorry for how long this one ended up being!! It's just so fun talking to you!

Thank you! ♡

Don't worry about it being long, I read all of these very happily, I'm glad to be talking so much with you!

Also yes Cater's character is super interesting! Given how little screen time we got with him we really need to dig into his vignettes and some events/main plot scenes to get to know him; his relationship with Ruthie would be so adorable like ugh😔😔 she is so cute, she'd be his no.1 cheerleader I just know it🥺

And to be honest I never expected Ruggie and Cater to talk about their possible date ideas with each other, I was caught do off guard but I was super duper happy (<- insane Ruggie stan😔). Apparently the topic shifted that way bc they say a painting of Aladdin and Jasmine on their date on the magic carpet (aka a whole new world scene), which I thought was so cute!

Help Ruthie feeling bad after asking 😭😭 it's ok sweetheart it's not ur fault, they're just immature and need to grow up and accept their feelings 😔

[peyton-warren]

My favorite fic of yours Although I fell in l've with your writing with "The Hidden Sun" this has to be "Blinded By The Fog" I just love all the characters so much!

My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours Chapter 4 of Blinded By The Fog. I re-read this so many times. Always finding all these little scenes that melt my heart. And then that last little words “Ni-night, baby.”  It always breaks me and I'm sobbing like a baby 😭

A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to Stick handling series. It's sitting in my drafts for a long time and I swear I will get to it, promised

What made me the most emotional after reading

Already mentioned it, but it is just so, so heartbreaking!

“Ni-night, baby.” 

What I like the most about your writing

Your characters are so full of life, they have their own personality, their flaws, they are loveable. Also, you get emotions out of me with your work, it's just wonderful!

A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting

Well, it's no secret that I hope to see an update on Blinded By The Fog...

Something I wish/hope you write

Anything that makes you happy ad comfortable!

If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else

Yes, I did! Because you need to be praised! You're such a talent!

A fic I didn't expect to like so much

Arresting and arrested - I send you this ask but I didn't think to get THAT! And damn, it was so much better than everything I had expected. This man hanging from the Ceiling is plastered into my mind!

My dear @peyton-warren You have an alley in me and I will always do my best to support you. I know you're having a hard time. Just know that there are people who really love what you create! Because I do! 🥰

Found this in my inbox when i got a new ask tonight. This has been sitting there entirely too long . First of all thank you for your kind words and support. You know how crappy of a day I had today, and how many tears I shed. And this ask brought more tears to my eyes but for good reasons!

Your Favorite Fic of mine: I didn't know you started out with Hidden Sun, I am glad you liked that one. its one of my first here on tumblr and that first chapter holds a special place in my heart. I know how much you love Blinded by the Fog, you are my #1 cheerleader on that one, and I really appreciate as I try to get more of it out.

Your Favorite Chapter of a Fic of Mine: Chapter 4 of Blinded hits me more and more every time I reread it. And once I wrote your ask about the behind the scenes of how Sy was feeling, it is now a whole other level. I didn't intend for him to have so much feeling in that chapter, but man he breaks my heart too.

Something of mine you haven't read yet- I know that one is no longer true because you were able to help me brainstorm Chapter 8!

Whay you like most about my writing: Thank you hon. I honestly just write what the characters tell me to write, and I dont intentionally try to draw out emotions. I do love writing, and I love telling a good story. I am glad it comes across in the writing.

Writing you are looking forward to me writing/posting: It is no surprise at all you want me to post the next chapter of Blinded. And I appreciate your patience as I work through my own stuff as i try to get past this writer's block. And trust me, you will probably be the first person to know I when i finish that chapter.

something you wish I'd write: make me cry why don't you, Nina.

You telling others about my work: I don't think anyone has shared my work as much as you have, ever. I appreciate all of your support, and you telling others about my writing. It means so so much to me, more than you could ever know.

The fic that you were surprised by: I think that fic surprised many people, especially me. your prompt threw that scene in my head and I just wrote it down verbadum as I saw it in my brain. I need to get back to that. Tell the rest of the story that's in my head.

Again, Nina, I just I have no words for your support and how much it means to me. I keep saying thank you, and telling you it means the world to me, but even that does not cover how much you mean to me. Thank you, my friend from the bottom of my heart. You are a such a rare treasure and i value you so. Whether we are talking dogs, hairy titties, or fic, I always love seeing you pop up in my asks, dms and feed. Thank you for being you.

[keeponquinning]

i'm planning on posting my thoughts on each chapter i read of FLIGHT OF ICARUS because I think it's generally worth talking about, I finished chapter...seven I believe but let me talk about the things before that I didn't. I understand some of ya'll hate this book. That's fine. Just as long as you don't make those that do like the book feel guilty or one inkling of bad about it, it's all good. That's honestly the only thing disheartening about seeing the hate on this book, because I for one had been jazzed about it and it was genuinely bumming me out seeing so much hate for it. So like, idk, be mindful of that? However I will be tagging my posts about it — 📖 — flight of icarus — in case ya'll wanna blacklist, giving your opportunity for that rn. Being as fair as I can about this whole thing. I've never seen such a reaction out of a book like this, it's kinda crazy. we all here for a good time, guys. at least I hope so. I'll also be putting these under a cut, hopefully that works with mobile folks, idk. ANYWAY. Gareth and Chrissy thoughts under the cut as well as everything i've read thus far.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS AHEAD!

first thing's first! let's give a round of applause to caitlin schneiderhan, because she living all our dreams. not only a professional writer and part of the ST writing team, but she got the holy grail of being offered a chance to write about our boy. like pls, i love that. i really don't mind the first person ( which from what i gathered, the other books like Lucas on the Line and Runaway Max, Rebel Robin are done the same? correct if i'm wrong ) but mostly it gives me and readers a chance to really be in our boy's head, read his thoughts and hearing his lovely voice in my head.

And honestly.... and some folks will probably disagree... From what I read so far, and what got me excited the most about this book... the writing really does, to me at least, don't have to agree, it feels very Eddie to me. Right from the scenes of Gareth, Freshman Gareth with the floofy hair and chrome mouth, being upset that his character ( that he didn't even make ) became fish food and Eddie being like, "...then we just make another character" because that boy was so pissed that he got himself, in his mind, kicked out and Eddie being the one like, "...no? After the gutsy move you did, there's no way we're not going forward without you" and taking moments of his time to help him create another character? And the glee Gareth had over it? Come onnn.

and cutting to that, one of the excerpts that came out, creating that character and being patient, as any 18 year old would be, and guiding Gareth to get that spark for the game, in creating a character from scratch, and all in a risky move of basically breaking into an empty classroom that they could have been caught in, just added to it. the fact that this act, seeing Gareth so into it, lifted Eddie's mood after Al came back was....ahhhh.

AND THEN! THEN!

The line that killed me, when Eddie asked him why he wanted to be in Hellfire so bad since he never played D&D and Gareth's answer being, "...where else was I supposed to go?"

OH MY GOD.

THAT FUCKING KILLED ME!!!

The start of Eddie the shepherd, herding his little ship. are you KIDDING.

Which then led to the whole Tommy H, which, fuck this guy. His cronies, including JASON CARVER and Chrissy Cunnigham.

DEEP BREATH.

I do love the talk of Steve, well after the breakup with Tommy and even what, Sophmore?? Jason being like, "Harrington won't like this" BECAUSE JASON IS A BITCH.

But can we appreciate Chrissy just not being for this and tried to PRY TOMMY'S HAND FROM GARETH????

I remember someone made a post, i can't remember who you are! If you remember, let me know! That Chrissy wouldn't have been the cheerleader that would be okay with bullying, i mean, god, her own mother bullied her all her life, and like, to that person, THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE and I feel it was backed up with this.

I'm not a HELLCHEER stan per say, but I will admit, the thought is cute and there was def potential in my eyes but also like... I don't have an actual ship in this show, just like... I could see it and leave it at that lmao. And I'm not bothered by the thought of Eddie having a crush on her. It's clear if he did, it wasn't so much on the rising "queen of hawkins high" but rather the girl at the middle school talent show that, when he said his dad wasn't there, instead of making him feel bad about, little chrissy just went, "Wow, I wish my mom wasn't here!"

LIKE?

LIKE???

And even said she'd cheer for him when he played, like come on. whatever we feel about chrissy, i stand she was not a horrible person, and if she lived, probably an amazing person to see.

Fuck you, Vecna.

I do love that even when Higgins rolled up, she was like, "THAT BITCH IS LYING!" when Tommy tried to make it like Eddie was the aggressor. Because --

TOMMY H IS A BITCH THAT SHOULD GET PUNCHED OUT, WHEN WILL I SEE THAT.

But anyway.

I covered not as much, but Higgins is a bitch. Most of these adults need a slap. I so felt for Eddie, constantly being marked by his last name, by his dad. This grown man calling this 18 year old a felon even though he's never been arrested. I mean???

but can we appreciate that nothing got under his skin as bad as when Higgins essentially was like, he's a rotten apple, infecting everyone around him. Like Gareth? Like the only reason he was targeted bc he was in Hellfire?? Under EDDIE'S association???

I wanna hug him.

Let's roll back though. Since we done the Gareth and Chrissy bits.

Al.

AL.

I hate him lmao. So the new thing that came to life was, Eddie didn't live in wayne's trailer all his life, but it seems was in a constant yo-yo kinda of living between the house and wayne's trailer, especially when he was younger and Al would take off. It would make sense, as he got older, being more insistent on staying home and Wayne doing the grocery shopping( of spaghetti-o's and microwave meals! oh, wayne ) every two weeks and keeping an eye on him.

Bless anyone, again, i can't remember WHO that fancasted skeet ulrich as Al because i can so see it

this man screams — munson magic, no??

Also, Eddie saying he doesnt' have said Munson Magic? False, sir. You most definitely do. We've all fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.

also, I do love the complicated mess that is their relationship. The sight of his boots sending Eddie in a whirlwind, a near panic attack at having to see him again, but also even craving his attention. The fact that Al is inviting Eddie into one of his schemes has him conflicted because, "he never came for me, he could have asked his friends, but he came to me" like... my boy. Can someone hug him?? It's very realistic to have this complicated relationship, as those that do have those types of parental relationships could attest. I def could. ( neither of my parents were felons and doing schemes but def emotionally distant so :))) )

I craved for some wayne x eddie moments, and in part, i do, though with wayne it feels like he's def holding back. it seems to be of his nature, which I can buy, tho still offering Eddie a place in his trailer if he needs it. I feel like by the end of the book, this could change, i feel a def shakeup is gonna happen with Al and Eddie as he seemed dead set against his dad in s4. do not correct me if I'm wrong as I wanna find that out myself!

I love Ronnie.

I love that Caitlin gave Eddie a childhood bestfriend, though the angst of Ronnie having a chance out of Hawkins and Eddie feeling left behind but still happy for her. At least to her face. Another aspect that feels like him, not giving her shit about it, wanting the best.

I also loved the part where young eddie thinking she was his girlfriend and the disastrous first kiss that had him running away lmaoo like god. what a little goof. I love him.

another controversial take. I ACTUALLY LOVE THAT HE ISN'T A VIRGIN.

Listen

LISTEN !!!

This boy is gonna die in a horrific way.

I'm glad he didn't do so as a virgin, I'm glad he got to FUCK, he DESERVED TO HAVE HIS DICK WET OKAY. I'm glad. I'm happy for him. GO YOU, EDDIE MUNSON.

What made me sad though was the two girls he mentioned, it seemed they dared themselves to be with him, wanting a taste of the freak — which i mean....

I mean....

Fuck, don't we all...?

Wanting to find out if he a freak in the sheets as well in the streets -shot-

And ah yes, Paige....

I don't mind Paige so far. She like us, wanting a piece of Eddie, I can't fault her for that. When I found out there was a romance plot, or, well, most likely not true romance, I didn't mind, because I def wanted to see how this boy handles someone that wants him. The part where she made him feel like a person, or rather, liking him for himself was.... ouch, my precious boy. he would be so flustered around us, i swear to god

I do love that we get bits of the Hideout and Corroded Coffin.

And I'm gonna take a pause because like.... I love the set up that to get stage time, Eddie working as a barback there and like........ can we appreciate that.

Can we picture Eddie running around, hair tied up, sweating, maybe wearing a white shirt... Jeans.... Going from table to table, wiping it down...them forearms, twisting that slutty little waist for whatever reason, you're at the bar, having a drink, and he gives a smile...........

Anyway.

I always wondered if Corroded Coffin wrote their own songs.... AND THEY DO. The only downside I really wished it was the Corroded Coffin we know. I love Ronnie but I'm like WHO IS DOUGIE?? It makes sense, it's two years prior, but at least we have Jeff and hail the 80s where they don't really give a fuck if a minor is drinking at a bar lmaoo but i love he's nervous about it. Shroud Fire sounds metal af i wish we could hear it.

but all this leading to Paige. And her freckles. I love that Eddie, and even he himself calling it very Caveman like, that his mind went, freckles. This man has the Munson Magic bc he is a dork but he could get with ANY ONE OF US. He has no play, his brain would short circuit, BUT WE WOULD BE SO INTO THAT.

I don't know of Paige's intention, but I feel for her struggles at her job, getting the dream job but still having to try and claw your way to the top and it being difficult bc not taken seriously.

She def after Eddie. I cannot blame her.

Which lead to the recent chapter where he goes to her and is like PLEASE SIGN US. Her taking a chance because she needs a big break as well.... I like that.

But I def laughed when she was like, "God, you just want to get to Dave and I thought--" we know what you thought and you so real for it, Paige. i'm just gonna chant MUNSON MAGIC okay. it is part of my vocabulary now. that is what got us all.

THE MUNSON MAGIC.

So far, I do like it. I feel it's a really easy read. Will I take it as canon? Idk. Maybe. Or at least take parts of it as canon, aka the things I like, which seems to be the majority of it so far. I'm not a novice at books tied to shows I watch, or movies even. I was heavily into the star wars books that turned to not be canon ( rip, mara jade skywalker ) but it doesn't take away my enjoyment of it. Enriches it, if anything. I think that's the most important thing.

That's it for now. enjoy my ranting!

[pink-booty-butts]

negative and whiny ramble under the cut, please ignore if you're not comfortable with that!!

ugh ok i really fucking hate talking about my feelings or being negative in general but i've kinda been feeling like this for a while so i feel like i need to just put it out there so i can go back to being happy lmao

highkey I kinda feel like I spend so much time focusing/putting effort into this fandom but idk really if anyone cares about my presence or me in general and it's kinda discouraging. I'm not saying that to ask for sympathy/validation, but rather to express that I'm probs going to only write if someone sends me a request for a while cos putting all this effort into coming up with ideas/writing fics on my own is not really vibing atm, honestly the past few weeks everyday i've just been staring at a blank doc when i get home from work lmao

even though i've mentioned being busy, I kinda have a decent amount of free time to work on fics or chat but it kinda feels like no one really cares, and my perspective is why would I put effort into something if no one cares ya know? bc of that i tend to favor doing or participating in things where i feel more appreciated or seen, like I'd rather focus my energy into other goals or people that do care. whenever I take time to write fics I'm actively pushing those people away or putting less time into other goals i want to achieve in order to do so, and while I do enjoy writing very much there's no need for me to post it on this blog or interact in this fandom if no one cares. if people don't like my work then that's fine, but also there's not really any point in me posting fics or taking time to write if people don't really find my stuff interesting.

i feel really bad for saying this, but sometimes i kinda feel like people only really care about me/what i have to say when im cheering them on or supporting them & their work. of course i genuinely mean all of the things i say when i do that and i dont want people to think i expect the same energy from them because i dont, but when the only response i get from people is related to me doing that it kinda feels like people only care about me being their cheerleader. i've tried telling myself that it's okay to be treated that way bc i do want to encourage everyone, i think everyone in this fandom makes amazing things and has fantastic ideas!! but i think at this point its starting to get to me bc i just don't really feel valued or like people care about the stuff i put out. and if thats the case then i should probably just stick to sending people compliments and reblogging everyone else's work as opposed to putting effort into a space where i am not wanted, bc im tired of constantly feeling like i have to put more and more effort in, berating myself for not being friendly enough or not being positive enough or being too annoying or mean, and then i go back to my coping mechanism of trying to bury all of my negative emotions and be a happy little robot friend to everyone (which i have been trying very hard to not do this past year or so bc it honestly ruined my life)

that being said, as I said earlier I'll write stuff if people send requests but I'm probably not going to post any original fics for a while. I have some stuff I've been wanting to write and a lot of wips so I might come back or post some stuff even if no one sends me any requests, but if i just disappear/ghost then this is probably why haha

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

phenomenal. outstanding. beautiful.

been here since the first chapter and honestly, i don’t know what i’m going to spend my monday’s doing now (i might have to re-read to fill the void😉)

your writing style is breathtaking and i feel such a strong connection towards this version of matty.

i agree with other anons about a sequel, a) because you are an amazing writer and i’d love to read more of what you write, especially within this universe and b) because i don’t want to let this fic or characters go.

(i also agree with other anons about a possible threesome but that doesn’t need to be discussed right now😏)

finally, just wanted to say thank you for writing this fic!! i think this fic will be engraved in my brain for as long as i live and i mean that in the best way possible❤️

aah a long time reader, you don't know how much I appreciate your blind trust. I definitely figured it all out as I went along and things could have gone wrong at least at eight different points during this journey if it hadn't been for my friends and cheerleaders and massive helpers who dug me out of WB holes and helped me figure stuff out, so a huge shout out to them is well-needed here ❤️

so glad you think that my Matty is relatable and well-rounded enough for you to feel a pull towards him, he's not very likeable at times but I have tried to make him as human as possible, and I'm happy to have succeeded

(yes yes another tick for the threesome, yup, got it 👀)

thank YOU for reading and sticking with me through it all. I should say I am very proud to have finished this in the time I'd set for myself and still feel like things weren't rushed or left behind. this story is yours forever ❤️

[fonulyn]

Hi!! I'm sorry if this is a weird message to get, but I noticed, based on a couple posts I've seen, that you've been kinda down about your writing recently. I just want to say that I absolutely adore your fics and I keep going back to reread them because they make me so happy. As a writer myself I know it can be hard to look positively at your own stuff - believe me, I struggle a lot - so I'm just here to tell you that what you do is super appreciated.

not a weird message at all! a really nice, sweet message, and i appreciate you! 💖

i'm glad to hear that you're enjoying the ficcage too :) and honestly, it's less that I'm down about my actual writing and more that I struggle with getting things done and i struggle with the lack of community i'm feeling in fandom. like. i still enjoy writing and i enjoy rereading my own shit when it's done. but writing does not come as easily as it used to, which is veeeeery frustrating.

i know it's mostly because i was so damn burnt out last winter that i'm only now beginning to bounce back from it. thanks to the long summer break i get as a teacher, otherwise i would've been on sick leave all this time 😅 but the summer break has been helpful and i'm slowly getting back into the groove. ngl, i'm also terrified that the burnout will happen again once school starts in a couple of weeks but i'm trying to stay positive.

the lack of community is... i used to have a friend who was cheerleading me on and brainstorming ideas with me when i was stuck but he ditched me. and it left me in this weird place of... idk, i guess i had it too good for a while and got used to it and now it's so hard to go back to writing alone in my lonesome :'D i desperately wanna talk about projects and ideas and all fandom things, but i don't really have the opportunity for that now. (tho there have been a couple of people who reached out, and i truly appreciate it! 💖)

and not gonna lie, it would be lovely if people would leave actual comments on fics they read even if they're old fics. it feels that 99% of the time a fic gets all its comments in the first 24-48 hours and after that it's dead and buried. and it makes this feel like fast food consumerism and i'm tired of flipping burgers altho it's all i'm good for, writing-wise, but i digress.

I'M SORRY FOR THE RANT omg I'm super tired (mom had a pretty bad fall last night and we spent a while patching her up at 1 am 😅) and this hit me in all the feels.

thank you so much for reaching out! was very, very nice of you! 💖

[mercurytrinemoon]

You were talking about feeling like you have a discrepancy between imagination/dreams/goals and "actualizing" them so to speak. Is what you meant?

Here's some ways I've dealt with that in my life, being 100% real. I don't know if these will be at all relatable to you. If not, disregard :)

Growing up and even into my early 20's, I wrote, journal style, constantly. I also tested very high in language/communications, and honestly, my fear of not being able to imagine myself succeeding in a dorm setting in college actually kept me from ever applying anywhere. It wasn't even a fear - it certainly wasn't well thought out, because I probably wouldn't have been in a 4 year dorm situation anyway. I NEVER had a thing I wanted to do or become. I started working minimum wage full-time jobs (which are soul crushing), which totally put a stop to my writing and imagining. This attitude paved the way for a pretty depressing, unfulfilling life. For this reason I think encouraging as much positive imagination regarding a future life is important AF for kids to do... because somewhere along the way I was taught not to dream or reach for anything, to settle for the least.

Receiving money. I never struggled budgeting during my full time min wage "era", however, a situation happened when I was 26 that brought all of that to a screeching halt. It was traumatic and left me disabled. I had to wait about 4 years before I realized I could get a major compensation for what happened. I went through the motions of getting a lawyer, and all of a sudden it was settled - a LOT of money. More than I'd ever had at one time. Instead of being smart with it, I just stuck it in my checking account and slowly wasted ALL of it on nothing of any lasting value. Just signed up for stupid subscription boxes and ordered dumb sht on Amazon whenever I felt like it. It's so depressing to think about what kind of life I could have had if I had used that money WISELY.

I recently got a smaller, but substantial gift left for me by my grandmother after she passed. I put it somewhere safe, but for the life of my I cannot picture what I should use it for. Everything in my life needs upgraded, but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it.

Ahhh thank you for sharing! I really appreciate that!

For this reason I think encouraging as much positive imagination regarding a future life is important AF for kids to do… because somewhere along the way I was taught not to dream or reach for anything, to settle for the least.

It's a tricky thing cause I personally always dreamt big. I also used to journal CONSTANTLY throughout all of my teen years and a bit into my 20s and, especially when I was 12 or 13, I liked to write stories about my future life (or I would imagine I was born a decade earlier and I was peers with the people I look up to and we're buddies etc etc, like a really vivid imagination haha). So I always encourage people to dream big as well but then again, me being the encouraging "cheerleader" of the group, I don't want to disappoint anyone in case their dreams won't be fullfilled. But in MY perfect world, everyone should be doing the thing they love the most and are amazing at, there's too much wasted talent out there.

But I get what you're saying. I've never been in a situation like that but I'm sure if I ever got an unexpected gift (whether it'd be money/something material or even an amazing friend group or an amazing relationship), I wouldn't know what to do with it either. I have that issue where if I'd ever got what I wanted, I'd be so scared of loosing it… and that would probably lead me to ignore that thing, idk. That's why on one hand I can imagine a lot but on the other, I'd be clueless what to do with it or I would feel like I don't deserve it or things like that. Kind of like, "who? me?" haha.

[golbrocklovely]

I always find your personal posts so relatable. I actually dropped out of high school because of my chronic illnesses (luckily I’m a lot healthier now) but since I was never in school consistently since 7th grade I always worry that people won’t remember me. I dropped out around when Covid became a thing and I mostly stayed inside for the last couple of years due to being immunocompromised and general anxiety but my goal for the rest of this year and next year is to try to put myself out there more because who knows? Maybe the whole reason some people I’ve seen haven’t said hi to me isn’t because they don’t remember me but they’re afraid I don’t remember them. 🤷‍♀️ it’s just so easy to forget sometimes that other people can have the same anxiety and fears that I do. But yeah I just appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences. <3

thank you so much. i appreciate you saying that :)

honestly, i've had a couple moments in my life that have made me realized that the little voice in my head that makes me think ppl hate me or that i'm not good enough is wrong, and it's nice to be proven that.

bc reality is, at the end of the day, most ppl are focused on themselves - which in a way is a good thing. they are so focused on their shit and what they're doing, they don't realize the things going on around them as much as some of us think they do. so if you did something embarrassing once, while it might feel like 'oh god everyone saw that and will remember it', most won't. or if you had a situation play out awkwardly, you might have been the only one that perceived it that way just bc you were in your head about it.

i've also been of the belief that most ppl are nice. most ppl try to do good, and try to be kind. most ppl aren't intentionally trying to hurt you, and i think constantly being on the defense is just a trauma response to things from the past (that's my belief about myself - not you anon lol). but applying that to you for a second - the amount of times I've seen ppl from hs over the years in passing has been once every couple months or so. but i don't take it to heart if they don't stop and say hi. it's not like they hate me now. hell, they might not even remember me - and i think that might be the case in your situation as well. not to mention, i'm not stopping to say hi to them either, and i assume that's what you're doing as well. and we're both not doing that bc it would be awkward, right? those ex classmates of ours most likely feel the same way, assuming they also remember us. ppl are so concerned with being perceived as weird or awkward that they don't allow themselves to do basic things like stop and say hi to someone - whether they know them or not.

i've tried to remind myself recently that when i go to do something, if i start to feel like 'omg i'm gonna look so dumb and stupid' - i try to envision someone else doing it and if so, would i judge them as harshly as i judge myself? it might not be the best way to go about things, but it helps. bc my existence isn't weird or awkward, and i should be fine with taking up space and doing things freely, even if they make me uncomfortable bc reality is: the only person truly judging me at all times is me. in a way, no one cares about me as much as i care about myself. but that also means i'm constantly overanalyzing everything i do.

if you're gonna be your biggest enemy, you have to be your biggest cheerleader too.

[consoledacup]

Hey,

Where do you think the Simone who told Liv to pursue Spencer even though it will hurt Layla in 2x07 of HC was?

It seems to me that Simone specifically doesn't want to have a friendship with Layla going forward but doesn't seem to mind having one with Jordan going forward this is based on her contacting him after Billy died and how she was open to having a friendship with him in 2x01 of HC even though she was convinced something was happening between him in Layla, do you think she can have a friendship with Jordan without having one with Layla? And what does it look like when they are kind of forced to interact in a group setting?

Oh, damn. Let's lay off Simone a little bit here. All of this can be summed up to say that she's a very human character who feels things differently with different people. Is it hypocritical? Sure. She readily admits that in 1x09. But expecting Simone to be the cheerleader of jordayla like she was with spelivia is an insurmountable, unfair ask.

For point 1, she wanted Spencer and Liv to be happy. All three of those characters were miserable, and if Liv was holding off from getting together with Spencer because of Layla's feelings, Simone rightly points out that they already hurt her. Might as well be happy together. Layla clearly wanted nothing to do with Spencer and knew they would get together eventually. There's nothing wrong with Simone supporting Liv in that moment. And there is no way we were going to get that Simone in 2x07. She felt betrayed, and this time, it was personal.

For point 2, what did you expect her to do when she found out about Billy? It felt like the right thing to do, and Jordan appreciated it. She set aside all the drama and offered him her condolences. That's it. And honestly, Simone can decide who she still wants in her life. She doesn't have to treat Jordan and Layla equally. Did I want her to be a little bit warmer to Layla? Sure. Did I understand why she chewed her out? Sure.

I don't think she's friends with Jordan. He even pointed out in 2x01 how they weren't there yet. And then when Jordan finds out that Layla and Simone spoke, he was probably like, well, there that goes that friendship. I imagine that she'd be pretty cordial with both of them if she saw them again. Especially in light of everything that happened in his family. And a part of her will be glad Layla was there for him during that time. She knows how close Layla's been with the Bakers.

But let's talk about why she was unyielding with Layla and why she acted almost graciously in 4x18 when she called Jordan out on everything. I think she is fully over the relationship she had with Jordan. But I don't think she is fully over Layla's part in it. There is that line of betrayal that stings, but even more, it reminds her of her own entanglement with Damon while he was with Thea, or while she was with Jordan. It's why she bulldozes with the idea that she and Thea were "never friends anyway." If she admits they were friends, then she's no better than Layla, who's no better than Olivia, and the song remains the same. All of these characters are simply trying to navigate their feelings as best as they can, and they screw up sometimes.

And Layla understands. Deep down, she knows why Simone is livid at her and ended their friendship. It's why she told Jordan that she didn't think she'd be hearing from Simone any time soon.

I'm not saying how Simone responded in all of these situations were perfect. But we can't expect perfection from this very real, very complex character who's, frankly, trying her best.

[folktotech]

A Case of You by Joni Mitchell is one of the best songs ever written.

It is the best love song ever written. Mitchell perfectly encapsulates what it is like to know that love is fizzling out, taking the rose colored glasses off and putting them back on when it is appropriate. It demonstrates how the concept of "falling" in love can be so dangerous, as stated so eloquently in the book All About Love by the late Bell Hooks. You must have critical thinking skills, which includes knowing when to let go instead of falling into the abyss of love. "A Case of You" is an homage to her hometown, her past lover(s?), and her own strength and power. "If you want me I'll be in the bar." Come on. What a badass thing and a CORRECT thing to say to a man who describes himself as "constant" when you know this relationship is splitting apart at the seams. You can't save this now. I'm going to the bar.

How bittersweet it is to love. "You're in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet." Has anyone ever demonstrated the Starbucks-coffee-when-they-make-your-drink-wrong feeling that is love so perfectly?

"I could drink a case of you and still be on my feet." Oh how similar love is to drugs. Oh how we love to compare the two. Mitchell could drink a whole case, never get enough, and still take the rose-colored glasses off. That takes a strong, strong person. The self-awareness and relatability that Joni emits through a stripped back accompaniment, speech like and soaring vocals, and lyrics that read like beautiful prose make this the best love song ever written.

The progression of the song through the years and the way Mitchell performs it as she ages adds another layer of beauty to this piece. It gets vocally deeper and more reflective as she ages. It has longevity and the ability for other singers to make it completely their own. (See Prince's sensual and aching rendition and James Blake's reflective, sputtered out, conversational cover.)

I love Joni Mitchell. She is forever an inspiration and a core member of any true folkie's musical treasure trove.

Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift is one of the worst songs ever written.

"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." And I honestly agree. Or whoever made her release this silly song.

I am not a big fan of Taylor Swift, but I can appreciate her artistry in a multitude of ways. Objectively, she's pretty good. Subjectively, I hate the quality of her voice and think her lyricism is sub-par and surface level. Her lyrics have matured since the start of her career, but when we start at cheerleading and Romeo and Juliet there is only so far we can go.

The most horrifying lyric is: "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I'm a monster on the hill." How is Taylor Swift going to write the album Folklore, then give her fans THIS. She could have said how huge she feels compared to other people in so many ways that didn't sound stupid. Taylor Swift and I are both 5'11", so I really do understand the struggle of feeling like a monster on the hill while everybody is a... sexy baby... I guess. The difference is, Taylor Swift is a rail thin blonde woman with a model build, weighing 100 pounds less than me. She also steps on a scale that turns to the word "FAT" rather than a number in the music video, at least in the original. She edited that part out after some well-deserved criticism.

I genuinely didn't know if this song was supposed to be deep and personal or comedic or a mix of both before I looked it up. Somehow, the balance is off no matter the answer. I remember laughing in utter shock and confusion when the music video and song were released. I did some research and she describes the song as being pretty candid and personal... so I don't think it's supposed to be funny. Dramatic, maybe, but not funny.

The weird owl-cityesque instrumental break around 2:15 just does not match the mood of the song at all and sticks out like a sore thumb. I also hate the weird percussion/clapping sound that appears several times throughout this song.

"It's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me." is a catchy little pop lyric, but Taylor Swift is not really the problem. Having insecurities and lacking wisdom does not make you the problem, it just means you have a lot of first world problems and normal human emotions. I don't think "everybody agrees" at "tea time" and I don't think anyone really cares, unless they also think that disliking yourself and being kind of annoying and a little bit of a closeted narcissist is some really deep and relatable inner turmoil.

It is really not that deep.

I could probably say a million other negative things about this song, but I feel like you kinda get the point.

[callofthxvoid]

Marisol felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. Photography had been a recent interest, and hearing that she had a knack for it from someone whose work she had come to admire and respect was more than she could have asked for. "Did it surprise you to hear that I've only been doing it for about a year?" she asked with a small smile. "Honestly, I don't really know what it means to have a good eye. I point the camera at an angle I think looks good and take a picture when I think the moment is right."

She nodded appreciatively when he agreed to keep the flyers at the booth before setting the stack down into a neat pile. "I feel bad for Eags, you know? I have a little brother too. He's two years younger than me and I think I would lose it if something happened to him." She took a deep breath before looking back at Sam. "Uhm, dealer's choice, but maybe nothing too strong? I'm not a super experienced drinker. I mean, I've had alcohol, and my big brother's friends gave me a bottle of moonshine for my eighteenth birthday, but I'm not like, a party girl. My life is mostly school, cheerleading, working at the diner, volunteering, and hanging out with my boyfriend. That's him up there." She pointed at one of the portraits. "He gave me my new camera. He's sweet."

He smiled at the thanks and then chuckled at Marisol taking a snapshot. He had given the tip that the best pictures come when the subjects are comfortable. "I'm glad you found my advice helpful. But honestly? You're still young. A lot of it just comes with time and practice. You've got a good eye Marisol. In a couple years I guarantee your stuff will blow mine out of the park without needing pointers. I wish I was as talented as you are at your age."

Sam gave a nod. Sure it was a bit early for a drink, but sometimes liquid courage went a long way. "Any requests, or dealer's choice?"

His smile dropped as he took a look at the flyers. Poor kid. He'd really hoped that looking into Sunflower's disappearance would have helped shed some light on Will's, given their timelines, but so far he'd come up with circumstantial evidence at best. Though....he did have a new lead now. One he was still trying to wrap his head around. Sam shook his head of his ruminating. "Yeah, of course that's cool. Anything we can do to help."

[jingyismom]

btw everyone i AM actually doing a threadfic over on twitter @ rarawriting if you want to see that but i will probably put it on ao3 once it’s done (even though since it’s meant for twitter it is NOT my usual writing style and overall i do NOT know what i’m doing and feel very self-conscious about all of it) i’m also, as a thank-you for blasting Far Away You Are to 1000 kudos in less than a week (literally what the fuck...what...the fuck), doing a rewrite of the confession/smut scene in it from lwj’s POV which will be going on ao3...whenever i’m done with that also also i’m doing the wangxian summer exchange in addition to the promptfest claims so. that’s three full fics, a scene rewrite, and this threadfic, all before mid-august (help me)