#check the notes for the covers btw if you hadn't seen them

[maandarinee]

regarding the "the color of revenge" cover, i am glad they decided to go with the cover that's the same style as the original trilogy. like, i think we can all agree the vibes of the first version were rancid

but I'm just now realizing, thematically it would've been funnier to me, personally, if they had gone with the abominable original version because, alas, I absolutely did not vibe with the book 💀

[fentrashcat]

Tourettes Awareness Month, June 6!

Had a tic attack for the first time in a while today, and a post from thatdudewithtics (idk how they feel about tags so the post I'm talking about is here) got me thinking.

I want to talk about the frustration that comes with an unsteady disability, as well as my experience applying for disability. Today might get heavy. I'm also still exhausted despite taking a 4hr nap so I'm not sure how clear this will be 😅.

⚠️everyone with TS or tic disorders will have their own experience, this is just mine.

Disability Process

So I started my application on line, but was sent paperwork to do in person. My tics don't like paperwork. I only had one black pen and had yet to find the last one I threw the previous week (btw been almost a year and STILL haven't found it), so I was suppressing my fling tic to do this paper work. It took 3 hours to do 8 pages, the whole time fighting against my own body. Suppression HURTS. It also leads to a heavier retaliation later. The day after I did the paperwork I had a severe tic attack and had to leave work after only an hour.

After this they said I needed to meet one of their doctors. I expected this, had to rearrange my work schedule and find someone who could drive me. The day of was actually a good day for my tics, and the doctor seemed really nice and it was a good environment so while I was ticcing it wasn't extreme. I noticed the doctor focused more on my depression and anxiety, but thought we'd get to my tics after. We never did and I was a bit too anxious to be like "I'm here for my Tourette's". Ik it's kind of dumb, I need to advocate for myself better, but I just can't sometimes.

A few days later I see a file uploaded to my clinical notes at my GP. I hadn't visited them in a while so I was confused. Checking the letter showed that it was from the disability doctor, and showed that he not only barely listened to me, but that he hadn't even paid attention to the tics that happened in his office.

My disability was denied, of course. I appealed it and had to do some honestly VERY confusing online paperwork, in which I attach a copy of the doctors letter highlighting all the things he had wrong. Appeal was denied and to appeal AGAIN I'd have to find a lawyer. I can't drive, and I wouldn't even know how to start on that stuff so I kind of just dropped it. It was around this time I had issues at work so severe that my hours were cut to maybe 12 a week? I'm extremely lucky in the fact that I live in a house owned by family and my mom could cover my bills, but I know that won't last forever. The year before last I was covering my bills by paying my mom back over the month but I couldn't even do that now. I need to reapply but I know I'm not taken seriously, and I'll be denied again.

Semi-visible Disability

Tourettes is one of those things that when it's bad it's clear you have trouble, but when it's good it's almost unnoticeable. I've probably mentioned before my grandpa saying "talking to you like this, I would never know, but I've seen it when it gets bad." And that's probably the best way to sum it up.

On a low tic day people don't believe you or tell you it's not so bad, "you don't look disabled". On a high tic day people treat you Different. Either babying you or being afraid/anxious about your tics.

Not to mention the stigma around saying you have Tourettes Syndrome. Like I've been in a job interview and I usually avoid mentioning TS but my tics were acting up a bit so I had to explain. I could just feel the change in the interviewer, like they had been liking me but the moment I mentioned TS they were suddenly rushed to finish the interview and of course I never heard from them again. This happens in other situations too, but the job shit is what causes issues more in my life.

So I feel stuck in a limbo of "too disabled to work regularly" but "not disabled enough for disability" and it really really sucks. It's also frustrating knowing that no matter what I can't stop my tics fully.

Today's attack happened at my house, no obvious triggers or anything different, it just happend. I feel like I don't have control of my own body. I try my best to manage and prevent bad tics but I can't. I don't get to chose to not throw shit, or not do something painful. I just have to live with it, and it sucks. Obviously I try to stay upbeat, I cope with humor and I even think some of my tics are funny or kinda cute but it's still a disability. It still makes life so much harder than if I didn't have it. I'm tired.

Thanks for reading, sorry for today being heavy. I'm still really tired so I might be going back to sleep. Asks are open if anyone has questions.

[fanart-pancakes]

☆●•°• Finding the Diary •°•●☆

Hey! If you didn't check my last post you won't know what this is about, so please go see it if ya haven't already!

I have a bnha oc called Nari Akagi!

Want to know about her?

Clickity Here!

Already seen both? Ya can keep reading!

Hope ya enjoy!☆

°•.•╔✿════๏ ❀ ๏════✿╗•.•°

You wait for her, sitting on the comfortable couch of the detailed living room. It was a pretty room, with walls that had a red and blue contrast with a purple to blend them. The room would be dark without the lava and ice that were somewhat and how completely still in place, floating on top of metal pieces on shelves and counters, lighting up the surroundings; there was also a fireplace to do that but it was off, 'cause it wasn't cold. The floor had a big carpet, in front of the couch, colored like lava, it felt a bit scary to step on it even, so you avoided it whenever you'd sit on the couch. The couch was always so cozzy, you could quickly fall asleep on the blanket-like covering and the cloud-soft cushions. That is if Nari took too long to get ready, but she? Slow? Never someone as energetic would do that unless there was too much blue surrounding her...Thinking about it, you liked to see her when she was slower, it was like she was sleepy; she was adorable like that.

Your thoughts kept invading your head along with memories of Nari; a lot of things in the living room made you remember her, even things that weren't related to her at all. Must be since you're friends, good friends, very good. You met her 4 months ago and couldn't stop hanging out with her since; she was a fun and energetic person, and could be interesting to stay around even if you were a calm person. Her positive energy was contagious.

Time weirdly seemed to pass slow as you thought of her, so many thoughts. It actually passed so quick, and Nari took like 3 minutes to take a bath and 2 minutes to choose and put clothes on; how fast. You suddenly get interrupted from your weird philosophying by the one person that wouldn't leave your mind.

She greets you again for the 5th time today by jumping on you on the couch, and somehow she doesn't hurt you.

You scream, having been taken by surprise. Normally something like that could be predictable to be done by Nari but you had your guard down for it.

You look at her and sigh, calming down and telling her that she scared you. She blinks and laughs happily. " Not my fault ya weren't paying attention, moon kid" Nari pets your forehead in a weirdly calm way.

You snicker and question the nickname, letting her pet you but wanting her to move from on top of you, she was a little heavy. Little Orai explains to you her thoughts. " Well you were..spacing out.....so y'know-...........moon-" You laugh at this. That explanation was totally the best she's done.

She sighs and sits on you, kind of on your stomach but a bit lower. You tell her she's a little heavy and you'd like her to get off; the way you said it was soft and polite so she obeys and gets off, intentionally falling off the couch afterwards. She laughs as that happens, her bright smile barely having left her face for a single second, since you've seen her for the very first time.

You want to ask if she's okay but you know she's resistant, and would be crying anyway if it actually gave her pain. She rolls on the carpet a bit, before getting up and running to her room. " Follow if you can!" Nari tells you as she gets away.

You get up and chuckle, patiently walking over to her room, whistling as you looked at the already familiar photographies pinned to the walls of the corridor that lead to Nari's room. She was there already, moving non-stop as seemingly snuggling with her blankets. You snicker. She could be like a kid sometimes. This was one side of Nari that only her friends would see, or people that stayed around her long enough per day, like some of her classmates.

You sit on her bed, staring at her as she now stays completely still under the blankets, staring at you from a small gap between them, as if she was about to jump from there and attack. The hell-

She calmly backs up from the blankets and gets out from under them, looking at you with her genuine smile. " I like it when you come over!" She says a bit loudly, excited. You can't help but smile back, appreciating her compliment.

She then seems to remember something.

" Oh! That reminds me! I baked you brownies! 'Cause you said you liked them" Akagi giggles like crazy, her smile widening even more. You process her words for a few seconds, and question how she knew, and she answers that she heard you telling someone else. Sneaky little f*cker. You think that's a little weird, yet maybe sweet that she remembered. Well it's her way of showing affection.

The energetic tall gets up from her bed and gets up from her bed, and goes to the door. " I'll be back!" She nearly yells and them runs off. You snicker and roll your eyes. ' Loud' You think.

As she's gone, you look around her room, to remember the details of it.

Her room could match a lot of her personality and needs.

Her walls were a ocean-blue, and floor was wine-red, her ceiling looked like a stary night sky; blue could make her sleepy in big quantities so the walls were colored to calm her down and the ceiling to make her fall asleep. Her bed was full of very fluffy and comft blankets that were messed around, a part even looking like nest, which was something she liked laying and staying curled up on. General objects of her room could have solving systems that needed to be done for things to be reached, for example, there was a small puzzle on the doors of her wardrobe, that could change everyday, those would make Nari busy solving them, and make her exercise her brain; she was someone that liked thinking. Many other things were made with purposes of being adapted to the alive magnet that owned the room.

As you stop looking at the rest of her room, you look back at her bed, and notice something you hadn't seen before. Under the pillow there was a visible object. You decide to take a peak, and lift the pillow, to reveal what seemed like a book; or a purple and blue notebook.

Your curiosity pokes you hard, and you open it, to see the first page, which clearly said:

" First thing I'd like to note down in this unnecessary thing is that I was convinced to do this, and did not nor do think it's any useful or needed. "

                    - Owner of this stupid thing.

Uh, she seemed a bit irritated there- She wasn't one to talk that way. ' Stupid thing'. You blink, wondering if it was some kind of diary, but you suddenly remember Nari went away just to get brownies, which being a supposedly easy task, she should be back very quickly, and it could happen at any moment. Her paces were light and she usually didn't make noise stepping, even if running. You got a bit scared of continuing, but your curiosity was killing you...

.•°•╚✿════๏ ❀ ๏════✿╝•°•.

So heccccc this was pretty quick! :0

Also I made the gif myself especially for this post so please DO NOT use it for yourself! ;D

Also, those things I used to separate the texts, was made by Dis person ;0; Credits of those to 'em!

Phew- Btw this isn't exactly any kind of Reader X Character, I think- Like, the "you" is usually the reader in these kind of cases but the "you" is supposed to be some Nari's friend, and the narrating is supposed to be as if her friend was the reader.

Hope you enjoyed reading!