#chat? why not?

[westward-detective]

Hello there! I was wondering what you think about the rumors that you and kudo are dating? Do you think kazuha-san would care about them floating around?

M- me an' Kudo?! No way, he's just a good pal... Besides, he's got a girl of his own, alright?

Sure, he's good lookin and all, and smart too, but just 'cause were close don't mean we have ta be dating! Kazuha keeps thinkin' my calls with Kudo are a cover "for a girl im datin behind her back" which makes no sense at all. I dont see why she gets so worked up about it, its not like i'm datin' anyone anyways.

[detroitwhatitmeanstobehuman]

Chapter 2 - Strange Bedfellows

Part 2/17 of What it Means to be Human

Word Count: 11,073

Warnings: Swearing and some mild suggestive banter.

Genre: Self-insert fic

Pairing: OC (Detective Rachel) X Connor

Rating: Mature

Summary: After arriving at the precinct with Detective Rachel, Lieutenant Hank Anderson is informed that he has been officially assigned to the deviancy case and assigned Connor as a partner. He’s none too thrilled about this predicament, but Rachel is happy to see him again and decides to give him a tour of the precinct and make him feel a bit more welcome.

Previous Chapter

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It was around ten in the morning when I arrived with Hank at the precinct. I made sure Fowler knew that I was gonna be late on account of making sure Hank didn’t kill himself doing something dumb, and the captain seemed appreciative. As much as I could tell he was getting increasingly frustrated with Hank’s behaviour, Fowler still wanted Hank around and was glad I was looking out for him.

Once we arrived, we went up to the reception area, checked in, and went into the precinct. It felt pretty routine. “Alright, your car’s still here, I made sure nothing happened to it, so you can drive home now.”

“Appreciate it, thanks.” Hank replied grumpily. “You really didn’t have to do this. I would’ve been fine, you don’t have to put yourself through -”

“Friends look out for each other, whether or not you like it.” I stopped him, not wanting him to continue that train of thought. “Sure, when it’s me and myself, I don’t have a good time. But when I stick my neck out for friends like you, it feels like I have some control over my life. So, y’know, just take the help and be thankful.”

Hank nodded, walking slowly next to me. “Well, thanks for having my back.” He said genuinely. “Even if you’re a real fuckin’ pain in the neck.”

“I have to be a pain in the ass!” I joked, jabbing him with my elbow. “It’s practically in my job description to be a bastard.”

“Ain’t that the fuckin’ truth?” Hank grumbled, but I knew his words were genuine. As much as I wanted to focus on work, I couldn’t. All I could think about was Connor and Micheal. Deviants were indeed the thing that took up most of my thinking until I eventually fell asleep, my every waking thought practically glued to the case. But it was Connor that stood at the forefront of it.

And I’m not gonna lie, it was mostly the thought of seeing him again today. I wasn’t someone who was good at making friends. Well, okay, I’m good at making friends, just not that great at keeping them. But these days, I do tend to have issues making friends. I’m simultaneously terrified of intimacy and painfully lonely. My existence is a real fucking bitch, if I’m to be bluntly honest.

But somehow...I didn’t feel that around Connor. And I was really looking forward to seeing him again. I didn’t care what anyone said about him “not being a real person,” or whatever. He wasn’t anything like the other androids. Whether that was because he was just more advanced, I’m not sure. But there was something uncannily human about him. Something that made me feel like maybe we could actually be friends.

At least...it would be nice if we could be.

“Well, well, well!” An ear grating voice chimed around my head and I already knew I was in for a headache. Aw, fuck. Here we go. “If it isn’t the plastic prick’s new piece!”

I rolled my eyes at Gavin, only mildly curious about what the fuck he was going on about. “What?” I asked him exasperatedly, noticing that he and Tina, another officer in the precinct, were both looking at me with wide smirks on their faces.

Now, admittedly, I got along with Tina. Sometimes Gavin, if the mood was light, but most of the time he pissed me off. But I got along with Tina, and at one point I had my eyes on her before further investigation made it clear that we just weren’t compatible romantically. A bummer, but...eh, I still had problems I needed to work through, so I guess she dodged a bullet.

“I saw your little pow-wow in the interrogation room after it was just the two of you.” Gavin elaborated, looking like he just discovered the hottest of tea to spill. “Chattin’ each other up, flirting, I mean you were practically tossing your panties at him!”

Gavin never failed to get a disgusted or tired groan from everyone around him. “Jesus, you’re fuckin’ disgusting.” Hank grumbled, rightfully so.

“Seriously, do you have to say the grossest shit at every opportunity?” I asked him in earnest. “It’s things like that that make me wish you would never speak again.”

“Chicks dig it!” Gavin bragged.

Tina seemed not to buy it, rightfully so. That sounded like some bullshit. “You sure about that, Gav?”

I scoffed at him, rolling my eyes. “In any case, you are reading way too deeply into that.” I denied. “We were just chatting. That’s it. Nothing more than that.”

“Really?” Tina said skeptically at me, before she straightened her posture and folded her hands behind her back. “I feel as though I should inform you that I’m worth a small fortune.”

Then, Gavin wiggled his body in the weirdest way, which I was assuming was his impression of a human woman. “Really? You sure? Cause you look pretty priceless to me, dollface.”

I couldn’t help but shrug at him with what I was pretty sure was the most confused look on my face. “That’s your best impression of me?” I asked him in earnest. “Because if it is, it sucks ass. Step up your game.”

“If you’re all done being annoying middle schoolers, we’ve got places to be.” Hank said, making me thankful he wanted this to be over as much as me.

“Oh, I bet you do, Hank.” Gavin mocked, making me stand on edge in case he wanted to try something stupid. “Whatever, I got more important things to deal with than the office slut and the drunk bastard who’s probably gonna kill himself in a car accident one of these days.”

“Watch it!” I snapped at him, sensing Hank start to bristle next to me. “You can throw as many pot shots as you want at me, but insult Hank, and I’ll throw you off the nearest bridge.”

“Like I said before, you don’t fuckin’ scare me.” Gavin shoulder checked me on his way to the archives room.

I rolled my eyes, glad that he was gone. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s jealous.” I teased.

Hank scoffed. “What, that you’ve been chatting up Connor last night?”

“No, that I’m a better office slut than him.” I joked, taking the edge off that interaction, before I jabbed him sharply in the side. “And don’t you fucking start with me, you asshole. You know I’ve got my own shit going on.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Hank relented. Admittedly, one of the things we had in common was that we were both foulmouthed bastards. Actually, there was a lot we had in common in terms of personality. Where we differed came more down to life experience and general outlook on life.

Putting our encounter with Gavin behind me, I followed Hank to the office and saw Connor hanging around Hank’s desk and felt a smile on my cheeks. Admittedly, I didn’t expect to be so happy to see him, but...honestly, I can’t think of anyone else in the office that was as genuinely pleasant to be around as Connor.

Well, aside from Chris, but our relationship was pretty impersonal, aside from a few conversations we’ve had. But even then, I wouldn’t really call us “friends,” per se. Just friendly work acquaintances.

As soon as Connor saw us approach, he gave a small smile. “It's good to see you again, Lieutenant.” He greeted.

“Uh, Jesus...” Hank groaned.

“Hank! Rachel!” Fowler’s voice barked from nearby, drawing my attention to my right. “In my office.”

The dark-skinned wide-set captain turned his back and walked into his glass office, waiting for us inside. Hank wasted no time making his way in, and I followed behind him, stealing a glance at Connor. “Nice to see you, again.” I greeted.

“You as well, Rachel.” He greeted me in kind.

Walking side-by-side, we followed Hank in, Connor closing the door behind me as Hank took a seat in front of the captain. I had a bad feeling this was gonna get shouty, so I stood behind Hank at a reasonable distance, my eyes darting between Hank and Fowler. Fowler was focused on his terminal, not making eye contact with Hank, while Hank just looked mildly annoyed.

Still, I waited with baited breath for whatever was going to happen between them, and clenched my fists, fidgeting with my sleeves in anticipation. Connor was standing to my right, but I could’ve sworn he shuffled a bit closer to me while I waited for what Fowler was going to say.

“I've got ten new cases involving androids on my desk every day.” Fowler started off. “We've always had isolated incidents, old ladies losing their android maids and that kind of crap...” He then turned to face us, mostly looking at Hank, but glancing at me and Connor first. “But now, we're getting reports of assaults and even homicides, like that guy last night...This isn't just CyberLife's problem anymore. It's now a criminal investigation and we've gotta deal with it before the shit hits the fan.” Now, the captain was looking very pointedly at Hank. “I want you to investigate these cases and see if there's any link.”

“Why me? Why do I gotta be the one to deal with this shit?” I only tightened, standing more rigid in anticipation and I could already feel my gut starting to flip with anxiety. Oh boy, here we go. “I am the least qualified cop in the country to handle this case! I know jack shit about androids, Jeffrey! I can barely change the settings on my own phone...”

In an effort to perhaps keep the mood neutral, I chimed in. “You’re a millennial, Hank.” I stated plainly. “You should realize the ‘old guy can’t do technology’ excuse just doesn’t work anymore.”

“She’s right.” Fowler agreed. “Everybody's overloaded. I think you're perfectly qualified for this type of investigation.”

“Bullshit!” Hank snapped, barely waiting for the captain to finish and getting up from his seat. This was not doing my anxiety any good, so I just tried to shove it down while I was standing there awkwardly. Oh God, this is escalating real quick and I don’t wanna be here. “The truth is nobody wants to investigate these fuckin' androids and you left me holdin' the bag!” Hank turned his back to Fowler, not even looking at me.

“CyberLife sent over this android to help with the investigation.” The captain tried to reason, maintaining his composure a lot better than Hank was. “It's a state-of-the-art prototype. It'll act as your partner.”

“No fuckin' way! I don't need a partner, and certainly not this plastic prick!” Hank refused, pointing at Connor and getting up in Fowler’s face, raising his voice. I knew that Hank wasn’t going to react well to having to work with Connor, but that didn’t make this any less awful for me to sit through. “And having Rachel constantly on my back like she’s my babysitter is already enough to deal with.”

“Woah, hey!” I threw up my arms in astonishment, my anxiety briefly snuffed out by the sheer audacity. “Why the drive-by?”

Hank rolled his eyes at me as his scowl tightened, his blue eyes narrowed at me. As much as I was aware that my fussing over him aggravated him, I knew that he appreciated everything I did for him, so I let it go. Just because I know he likes having me around and just doesn’t wanna look weak in front of the squad.

Something I understood perfectly, but also learned to discard. After all, pride was something I realized was worthless if you cared about it more than your well being. A lesson I had to teach a few other people who’ve stubbornly clung to theirs.

An action that has indeed cost me friends, but honestly, I’m not about to apologize for that. And I’m certainly not about to feel ashamed for caring about my loved ones and looking out for them.

“Hank, you are seriously starting to piss me off!” Fowler snapped, getting more and more fed up with Hank’s bullshit. And honestly, I found it hard to blame him. Hank was kinda throwing a temper tantrum right now, pacing back and forth fuming like a tank engine. “You are a police lieutenant, you are supposed to do what I say and shut your goddamn mouth!”

“You know what my goddamn mouth has to say to you, huh?”

“Okay, okay...” Fowler said, getting more and more done with this and throwing his hand up as he looked away from Hank. “I'll pretend like I didn't hear that, so I don't have to add any more pages to your disciplinary folder 'cause it already looks like a fuckin' novel! This conversation is over!”

Fowler went back to looking at his terminal, but Hank was clearly not having it. “Jeffrey, Jesus Christ! Why are you doin' this to me? You know how much I hate these fuckin' things.” Hank pointed at Connor aggressively without looking at the android, leaning over Fowler’s desk. I couldn’t help but wince and glance over at Connor. He didn’t look at all perturbed by Hank’s blatant venom directed at him, but still...that couldn’t feel great to hear. “Why you doin' this to me?”

As much as I wanted to try and calm Hank, I knew that right now wasn’t a good time to do it and I was already way too anxious to say anything anyways, so my mouth stayed shut as I rocked side-to-side desperately wanting this to be over.

“Listen,” Fowler warned with a stern tone, looking at Hank, “I've had just about enough of your bitching. Either you do your job or you hand in your badge. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.”

Hank seemed to realize that he wasn’t going to get out of this one and stormed out past me, letting out a frustrated growl as the door shut behind him, leaving Connor and I in the captain’s office.

Feeling marginally better, I let out a sigh as I shook my head. “Yep, that’s Lieutenant Hank Anderson, for ya.” I said light-heartedly trying to calm the mood, looking up at Connor. “An ornery drunkard of an old man. But trust me, this is not one of his worst days. No, I’ve seen a few of those in my time here...”

As much as I tried to make light of it, I knew full well the darknesses that lay in Hank. Things that I could not and would never make a joke out of. Which was one of the reasons I did not appreciate Gavin trying to make jokes out of Hank’s alcoholism.

Though...maybe if he knew the reason, he’d lay off. But I wasn’t about to tell him, and honestly, Gavin shouldn’t need a tragic reason not to make fun of an alcoholic.

“I don’t know how you do it, Rachel.” Fowler admitted, folding his face into his hands. “It’s really not your responsibility to look after him.”

“As a cop, no. It’s not.” I agreed. “But as a friend, it is. I choose to have his back, because all this aside, I genuinely believe he’s a good cop. He’s just...got a lot of shit to work through, and you wouldn’t keep him around if you didn’t think that he was worth keeping, Captain.”

Fowler sighed. “I know...” He agreed. “I just wish he wouldn’t make my job harder than it needs to be.”

“No, I agree. I wouldn’t wanna be you, right now.” I sympathized. “He’s being really temperamental and short-sighted and he needs to learn to just put his head down and get the worst of it over with instead of making a scene. And honestly, he’s being really selfish right now.”

Fowler nodded, seeming to finally calm down. “Well, at least he’s lucky that he listens to you.”

“Eh, usually I have to do what I do with my friends and aggressively mother him until he behaves.” I said with a shrug, my anxiety starting to finally settle. “But hopefully he’ll be less of a pain in the ass about this case going forward.”

“Hopefully.” Fowler agreed. “By the way, good work on the interrogation last night. You really managed to get through to the android and got it to open up.”

I shrugged. “Just doing what I thought was the right thing to do.”

“Hey.” Fowler said, drawing my attention. “You’re not workin’ any major cases right now. And I’m not about to put this on you, but if Hank needs your help on this case, don’t be shy about jumpin’ on.”

I nodded, glancing over at Connor. “I’ll think about it.” I said to him. Truthfully, I would really like to be an actual part of the case, but I didn’t want to put unnecessary strain on Hank. Not that we didn’t work well together, because we often partnered up on a lot of cases. But I’m fully aware that I can be...a lot, and with the nature of the deviancy case and having to work it with Connor, I wanted instead for Hank to decide how much he wanted to take on regarding it. “Thank you, Captain.” I said, walking towards the exit and opening the door.

“I'm very pleased to have joined the team.” Connor said amiably to the captain, the man not looking at the android at all. “I can assure you I'll do my very best -”

“Close the door on your way out.” Fowler interrupted, not even bothering to wait until Connor was finished.

Something which made me hold back a sympathetic whine. Poor Connor. He just can’t seem to make any friends, today. Connor glanced at me, as if for reassurance, before he addressed Fowler again. “Have a nice day, Captain.”

As Connor walked towards me, I gave him a patient smile. “After you.” I prompted.

“That isn’t necessary.” He insisted. “You don’t have to hold the door open for me.”

“I’m already doing it, just go.” I persisted with a lighthearted laugh. I was going to be nice to him and he was gonna accept it, damn it!

Connor, seeming to understand that I wasn’t going to budge, just nodded and walked after me. I took one last look at the captain before closing the door behind me, turning my back and looking over at the android. His gaze was fixed on Hank, and he was already walking down the stairs. I put a hand out to stop him, causing him to look at me in confusion. “Probably best if you just let Hank simmer down a bit.” I suggested, leaning over to whisper to Connor. “Believe me, it’s in your best interest not to piss him off too much, so letting him cool down is probably your safest bet.”

Connor, glancing over at Hank for one last moment, fixed his dark eyes on me. “I understand.” In this moment in broad daylight in the general white nose of the precinct, I could actually take a decent look at him without worrying about anything else at the moment.

His pale skin was dotted with freckles, something I found rather charming. Indeed, to say that Connor wasn’t easy on the eyes would be a falsehood. The way his dark coffee brown hair was so neatly kept, yet that one piece curled over onto his forehead rebelliously added an extra layer of charm to his overall appearance. And its placement was very clearly deliberate. Even more curious were his eyebrows. His left had a cowlick closest to the bridge of his very well-sculpted nose, adding some interesting asymmetry to him.

All this combined with his soft and delicate features and the gentleness in his chocolate coloured eyes, it was hard not to see him as an overgrown puppy. The only indication that he was an android was the blue LED on the right side of his head on his temple.

“Well, since we have a bit of time right now, why don’t I give you a tour of the precinct?” I suggested, gesturing to the office. “It would be a great opportunity for us to get to know each other better. And, we don’t get that many new faces around here. I’m sort of the newest compared to everyone else and I’ve always wanted to show someone around if we ever got someone new.”

Connor gave me an appreciative smile, folding his hands behind his back. “I’d love to, Rachel.” He agreed, making me smile in return. I’ll admit, it was nice actually hanging out with someone like Connor. Whether it was his AI or just his personality, I had no problems feeling completely comfortable in his presence. “Lead the way.” He said, stepping back to allow me to pass.

As I stepped down the stairs, I cast a glance over at Hank, who was sitting there sulking with his back turned to us. Waiting for Connor to be beside me, I walked on, looking behind me to make sure he was following me. “Hey, about Hank.” I said quietly, drawing his attention away from the office. “Don’t take any of his flack personally, okay? It’s not really even about you specifically, it’s just...he’s, uh...”

“Not particularly fond of androids?” Connor finished the sentence.

“That’s the nice way of putting it.” I affirmed, with a smile and a shrug as we made our way to the bathroom and interrogation room, which I figured was a decent place to start. “There are a few people who aren’t exactly pro-android, but for the most part everyone here seems pretty neutral towards them.”

Connor continued following along, looking down at me with interest glimmering in his dark brown eyes. “You seem to be rather amiable to androids.” He remarked. “More so than many others tend to be. You mentioned feeling some sort of kinship with deviants due to your mental atypicalities, namely your ADHD and Autism.”

I nodded. “Yep, that’s correct. I feel a lot more empathetic towards deviants than androids in general, but I don’t see any reason to treat androids any differently than I would treat the average person.” I explained. “Well, obviously androids and humans are very different. That much is true, but there’s more to it. I see myself a lot in deviants because of how they’re seen compared to other androids, like you.” I took in a breath and paused, collecting my thoughts again. “My mental atypicalities affect my day-to-day life in ways both benign and malignant. But for as many disadvantages as they give me, of which there are many, they also have their unique talents they give me. For example, I can focus on a task so completely and intensely that I can complete it efficiently and quickly without stopping. Problem is, I have a horrible sense of time. I always misjudge how long something actually takes, can barely register time passing, and forget what day of the week it is, even. I’m effectively time blind. And, on top of that, executive dysfunction becomes a problem when it comes to other tasks that are important, but my brain just refuses to let me do them even though they’re very simple tasks that can get done and out of the way extremely quickly and with little effort. Jokes and sarcasm are things that tend to fly over my head and I tend to really miss social cues, but I can retain a lot of information and hyperanalyze many details at once and learn a lot more than most people can.

“For all the advantages and disadvantages these give me, it’s not that different from those everyone else has to deal with.” I continued on. “But that ultimately doesn’t change the fact that others, when they learn this fact about me, treat me like I’m some sort of defect. Despite the fact that I’m perfectly happy and see myself as whole and get by just fine, they insist I must be broken. Just because I’m not like them. But I’m not the only person in the world with ADHD or Autism. And in that sense, I personally relate a lot to deviants. That they’re seen as defective androids when in reality, they’re just...different. And their deviancy doesn’t seem to be a choice, really. Just...something that happens to them. Just like how ADHD and Autism are things that I just have and are outside of my control.”

Connor’s LED was yellow, a sign that he was taking in information as I was speaking. “I think I understand where you’re coming from.” He accepted. “I suppose it would make sense for you to empathize with deviants. Especially as another symptom of both ADHD and Autism is hyperempathy.”

I nodded, ignoring the small sting of his words. “Yeah, that definitely plays a part.” I agreed, knowing full well that I tend to empathize with others way too easily sometimes, but still trying to shove down what sounded like a complete dismissal. “But I do genuinely believe that perhaps we need to give deviants more of the benefit of the doubt than we do.”

Connor didn’t say anything in response to that. But, we quickly made our way to the end, and I stopped. “Well, you’ve already seen both the interrogation room and the observation room.” I pointed out, extending a hand. “And just behind you are the bathrooms.” He looked over his shoulder, nodding. “Not that you’d need to use them, but maybe you’d need them for something else? Who knows?” I shrugged. He looked back towards me and I pointed to the door to the left of the bathrooms. “And that’s the android repair centre. It also sits above the archive room where evidence is stored. In the event that an android officer gets injured, the repair centre has spare parts and blue blood and tools available to any staff member who has clearance to use them to help repair androids. Of which, I am one of them.”

Connor nodded. “Interesting.” He commented. “I suppose it would make sense and is more convenient for emergency services to have technicians on site with the tools readily available in the case of an emergency. Though they are typically only trained by CyberLife employees.”

“My sister worked at CyberLife years ago.” I explained, puffing my chest proudly. “She taught me a few things about how to fix up androids.” If there was one person I could always take great pride in no matter what, it was my older sister Bianca. We always had each other’s backs, growing up, and we stayed really close to this day. We don’t live together anymore, since she had to go back to Canada, but I stayed here in Detroit. “Anyways, on with the tour.” I said in a chipper tone, turning around and walking back the way we came. “Next to the repair centre behind the captain’s office are the holding cells where we detain suspects. And, over there’s the break room, and past that is the meeting room.” I explained, pointing to the right and then to the left, directing Connor’s attention where I wanted him to see. I then noticed that the break room was right next to us and realized I hadn’t had a proper coffee, yet. “Would you mind actually joining me in there? I could go for a cuppa, if that’s alright with you.”

Connor nodded. “I wouldn’t mind accompanying you.”

“Great!” I exclaimed, leading him towards it. I was kind of a wimp when it came to coffee, so I tended to like it with a lot of sugar and cream. Admittedly, I preferred hot chocolates or tea lattes to coffee, but it was good enough.

But having coffee in the break room and the break room in general was more about the communal setting than the coffee itself. Which was why my good mood was immediately put off when I saw Gavin and Tina in there, more so Gavin. Electing to just ignore him and get my coffee with Connor, I walked inside without even acknowledging him.

But clearly, he didn’t have the same idea. I heard him scoff and felt a few of my brain cells die. “Fuck, look at that...Our friend, the plastic detective, is back in town!” Oh, here we go again. “Congratulations on last night, very impressive!” He said with a very sarcastic clap.

I couldn’t help but snicker at the obvious joke that was presented to me. And, like the carrion bird I was, I snatched that opportunity right up. “Title of your sex tape.” Gavin then shot me an annoyed glare while Tina was snickering. I could always count on her to lighten the mood. “What? You practically handed it to me!”

The android - RK800, as I could read on his admittedly pretty cool jacket - turned to Gavin and nodded, a subtle smile creasing his features. “Hello, Detective Reed.” It was really weird to hear someone address the human weasel with such polite formality, especially after Gavin threatened Connor at gunpoint last night.

Gavin got up and started walking towards the android and I could feel my gut clench. I knew this shitheel was going to start trouble, and it didn’t take much for my anxiety to start flaring up in anticipation. As much as I enjoyed pissing him off, it didn’t stop the involuntary response my body gave in stressful situations like that when I’d feel my eyes well up and my body start to tremble in anger or stress.

“Never seen an android like you before.” Gavin said to Connor, eyeing him up. “What model are you?”

I sort of did a double take for a moment. It’s written on his jacket. How the fuck do you miss that? “Look down.” I suggested sarcastically.

Gavin then shot me a glare. “Hey, I’m not a plastic-fucking pervert, Rach.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, Gavin.” I snapped at him annoyedly.

“RK800.” Connor replied curtly. A lot more politely than Gavin deserved.  “I’m a prototype.”

Gavin scoffed in a way that was starting to piss me off. “A prototype?” He then turned to Tina and pointed at the android. “Android detective.” Asshole turned back and scowled at him, sarcasm written all over his dumb rat face. “So machines are gonna...replace us all...is that it?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Here we go again.” I grumbled. “Oooooh, technology is bad, fire is scary, Thomas Edison was a witch!” I mocked, waiting for the coffee to brew. “Gimme a fucking break.

Gavin then returned his attention to the android, opting to ignore me. “Hey,” he said inconsiderately. “Bring me a coffee, dipshit.”

I glanced over at the coffee Gavin left on the table behind him by Tina. “Seriously, were you raised in a barn? Finish the coffee you already started before you demand another one at the very least, you wasteful prick. Have some damn manners.”

“Manners don’t matter to a machine.” Gavin retorted confidently.

“Forget that!” I scoffed. “I’m the one that’s offended, nevermind Connor. It’s basic fucking decency, just finish the first damn coffee you started!”

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself?” Gavin snapped at me. I glared at him, taking a threatening step forward.

“Oh bite me, Gavin!” I sniped at him.

He then snickered at me. “I would, but you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Not from you, I wouldn’t.” I responded immediately, letting him know that even if it was a serious request (which it very obviously wasn’t), I was not on the menu for him.

A moment went by, and the tension was only serving to make my anxiety more and more apparent as I could feel my heart start beating more rapidly and my hands started to shake. “I’m sorry, but I only take orders from Lieutenant Anderson.” Connor replied courteously. I wasn’t sure if androids were programmed not to respond angrily or if he just wasn’t interested in responding aggressively to people like Gavin, instead opting to tell him to fuck off as politely as possible.

“Oh...oh.” Gavin said, laughing at Tina before he lunged forward and punched the android square in the gut.

He didn’t flinch, but his LED flickered from yellow to a slowly blinking red as he quickly slumped to the floor and my instincts overtook me and I stepped up to Gavin. “If your new pals hadn’t got in the way yesterday, I would’ve fucked you up for disobeying a human.” Gavin said to him, taking a threatening step towards Connor.

“Gavin, back off!” I demanded. “This stopped being entertaining a minute ago, but do you want Fowler to chew you out again? Because that’s what’s going to happen, and you know I will write you up again, you piece of shit.”

“He’s a fucking machine!” He started to get up in my face and I instantly became acutely aware of the pistol in my holster and the space I immediately had to move around me. “He doesn’t give a shit about you, and he’s going to take your fucking job, and we’ll see how you like androids then.”

“So just because he’s ‘not human,’ that means you can treat him however you want?” Swallowing my immediate fear, I stared Gavin down. “If that’s really how you feel, then why don’t you go and fuck up one of the android police officers in the office and see how well you like your job then, hm? I’m sure that’ll really secure your position at the precinct.” I stood my ground and stared him dead in the eye. If there’s one thing I learned from being around these hardened cops, it’s that they practically smell fear and if they even sense the smallest weakness, they eat you alive. “You just like having an excuse to treat someone like shit and not feel guilty for it. Because you know that if you treated a human the way you feel everyday, they’d probably leave you for dead in an alleyway behind a dumpster and no one would give a shit.”

I practically held my breath, waiting for what his next move was going to be. I had my hand ready to pull out my weapon if he got violent and my stance ready to move out of the way if he decided to try and fight me. But instead, he thought better about starting a fight with me and went back to Connor, leaning over him. “Stay outta my way. ‘Cause next time, you won’t get off so easy. And you won’t always have your new little side piece to protect you.”

Gavin quickly left and Tina got up after him, glancing at me with the most exasperated look in her eye. “You’ve got your asshole, and I’ve got mine.” She said to me before following him out of the break room.

I never did like the way people talked about androids. Especially people like Gavin. Even putting aside the familiar echoes of being dehumanized in very similar ways, I just couldn’t understand why people looked at androids that way. Well, I mean, I knew why from a logical standpoint, or at least the justifications people gave. But from an emotional one, it didn’t make sense. After all, I always said please and thank you to my AI assistants I had at home. And I knew plenty of other people that did the same.

And besides, humans naturally pack bond with things that look way less human than androids do. Although, maybe because androids seem more human, people are more inclined to treat them the way they see other humans. A bit of a depressing notion, but food for thought, nonetheless.

Letting out an anxious sigh of relief, I immediately went to help Connor back up to his feet. “Are you okay?” I asked him, genuinely worried for his well being.

He got up and simply straightened his tie and coat as if nothing happened. “I’m alright, don’t worry.” He replied, giving me a small reassuring smile. “I’ve checked my vitals, and I can assure you I’m unharmed. And besides, I can’t feel pain.”

I tilted my head at him curiously. “If you don’t feel any pain, then why did you double over when he punched you?” I asked him.

His LED blinked yellow as his brows seemed to furrow together in confusion at my query. “I...I’m not sure.” He replied, a certain uncharacteristically vulnerable uncertainty creasing his delicate features.

Deciding not to press him further, I looked after Gavin and shook my head. “I wish I could say I’m surprised that people like Gavin exist, but I’m not.” I complained, going back to making my coffee. “People like him have always existed. And they’ve treated actual human beings like that for things ranging from their gender, their sexuality, to the colour of their skin. Things that to people like him meant that those people that are different from him aren’t human, and thus don’t deserve to be treated as such or have the same human rights.”

Connor eyed me curiously. “Is that one of the reasons you relate to androids as a whole?” He asked me.

I scoffed light-heartedly. “Erm, it’s a bit of a tangent, but I’ll bite.” I said, propping myself up for an interesting conversation. “How familiar are you with LGBT history? Specifically regarding the trans community?”

“Passively.” Connor answered. “But if it’s important to understanding your point, I’ll gladly research more into it right now.”

I blinked at him a couple of times. “You can do that?” I asked him, dumbfounded. “Just decide to learn something and pull it from an archive somewhere and absorb it?” I then leaned forward closer to Connor, my eyes taking in his whole face as my interest piqued. “Man, what’s your brain like if that’s how you take in information that isn’t actively in your physical environment? Is it like an encyclopedia where you have all the information in the same place and you just have to look for the index? Or is it more like an archive where the information is not necessarily available at a moment’s notice but can be accessed when it’s convenient?”

Connor smiled a bit more. “It’s more like a library where the information is actively supplied and whatever is not already in the library can be ordered or searched and added to it.”

“Fascinating.” I said, staring deep into his chocolate brown eyes. “I wonder if other androids’ minds work the same way yours does.”

“I’m a far more advanced prototype, so I sincerely doubt their metaphorical libraries are even nearly as expansive.” He replied confidently.

I nodded. “Right, so how familiar exactly are you?” I repeated.

His LED spun yellow once again before quickly settling back to a gentle cool blue. “‘Trans’ is shorthand for ‘transgender,’ which refers to individuals who identify differently than their assigned sex at birth, the antonym of which being ‘cisgender,’ or ‘cis,’ referring to individuals whose gender identity aligns with that which they’re assigned at birth.” He started off. “Many anthropologists agree that the existence of trans people dates back to the beginning of human civilization itself, being prominent in several cultures globally. However, in western culture, until the 1970’s, transgender people were considered secondhand citizens and did not have equal civil rights.

“The catalyst for the modern-day LGBTQIA+ community was in New York, 1969, in the Stonewall Inn, in what would be known as the Stonewall Riots.” He continued to explain, capturing my attention flawlessly even though I had heard all this already. “Interestingly, the Genovese crime family was one of the main backers for the underground LGBT community, the Stonewall Inn being a massive gathering place for members of the community. One day, a police raid was conducted on the inn and all of the patrons were told to line up against the wall and produce identification, and because drag displays and public displays of affection with the same sex were seen as crimes as illegal as money laundering, if any of the patrons’ genders didn’t appear to match their driver’s license, they would be arrested, and those without identification would be taken into another room to have their sex verified. The riot against the police raid was headed by two trans women of colour named Marsha P. Johnson and Storme Delarverie. Since then, equal rights have continued to be fought for by activists both in and out of the LGBT community.”

I nodded, following along. He seemed to grasp it pretty strongly. “Alright, so you know a thing or two. You’ve got the idea.” I suddenly got stuck, my brain failing to capture the right words to explain my feelings. “Oh boy, I’m so sorry. My brain tends to get stuck a lot and I’m really bad at words and talking good and everything tends to ge-sc-abla-blgudfa-get scrambled -” I stopped, getting really annoyed and embarrassed with myself. “Like that. I’m really bad at explaining my points in a way that makes sense. Speech impediment, and all. Not good with speaking.”

Connor tilted his head in confusion. “I find it strange to hear you say that about yourself.” I gave him a confused look. “You’re very detailed and analytical and very articulate. You’re actually quite skilled with language and analysis. I find it invigorating to hear what you have to say.”

I felt myself shrink at his compliment. “I-uh, well. Thank you, I guess. Sorry, I don’t know how to take compliments without making it awkward.” Now I was more lost than before. “Even then, I have to expend considerable amounts of effort to not trip over my words or lose my train of thought. Where was I again?”

“I believe you were about to explain how the trans community relates to your ability to relate personally and empathize with deviants.” Connor answered.

“Ah! Right!” Once again, I took a moment to collect my thoughts and give my two cents. It was actually nice getting to talk to someone about my thoughts on stuff like this. After all, it had been many years since I’ve had long in-depth conversations about topics of such complicated nature. “Well, you know how androids are considered less than human? Just machines, and thus not worth the respect of humans?” Connor nodded. “Well, the things that are said about deviants and androids...reminds me a lot of the way people used to talk about me and my friends when I was growing up. If you didn’t realize it, I don’t blame you. I don’t really go out of my way to present myself a certain way, and I just kinda roll with whatever works. But I’m not cis or straight, and neither were most of my friends growing up. In case you’re curious, I’m bigender and bisexual.” It wasn’t a thing I really admitted a lot, but I figured Connor wouldn’t judge me for it. “And a lot of the things that people say about androids and especially deviants ring in my head like a horrible echo. Because I’ve heard it before.”

I glanced over, pouring a cup of coffee and mixing in the cream and sugar. “The excuses to dehumanize us because they think we’re pretending to be something we’re not. That we’re crazy or delusional. That we’re just confused. That there’s just something wrong with us, and if we stop being what we are, it’ll somehow fix us, believing that we are broken and thus need to be fixed. But their idea of ‘fixing us’ is not helping us feel more comfortable in our own bodies and in society, but rather forcing us to hide ourselves and conform to what they think is ‘normal,’ not caring about how miserable it makes us. And a lot of people have paid with their lives at the hands of the people that say that about us. So when I hear similar sentiments towards androids and deviants, forgive me if I’m skeptical of the rhetoric that they deserve the treatment they get, or that they’re less human because ‘they’re just machines made to obey humans.’ No matter what way you dress it up, humans always look for excuses to treat someone as worthless without even a semblance of guilt.” I let out a sigh. “And I refuse to treat anyone the way I’ve been treated. Because it doesn’t entail good things for anyone and I refuse to be someone else’s echo that they’ll have to hear years from now. For as many advancements as humanity continues to make, the more things change, the more things stay the same.”

I noticed that Connor’s LED was still spinning yellow even after I finished talking. “I find your perspective rather intriguing.” He finally spoke. “If you ever have time, I’d like to hear more of your thoughts.”

I scoffed at him. “On what?” I asked.

“Anything.” He answered plainly. “I’m sure you could make a detailed analysis on anything, if it caught your eye.”

“Well, thank you. I appreciate the compliment.” I smiled at Connor, a warmth blooming on my cheeks. Admittedly, I tended to get flustered and embarrassed rather easily. A fact that was, well, rather embarrassing. But somehow, I didn’t really mind in this situation. Once I was done making my coffee, I pushed myself away from the counter and stood squarely towards Connor once again, taking a sip and relishing the feeling of the warm bittersweet liquid trailing down my throat. “Well, we’ve still got more tour to do, but there isn’t much left of the precinct to see, so this shouldn’t take too long and you can start working with Hank.”

Connor nodded. “Of course.” He said curtly. “Thank you in advance for your time, Rachel. I really enjoy chatting with you.”

His compliments were starting to feel a bit excessive, but I wasn’t about to stop him. Honestly, the attention was really nice. “I like talking to you, too.” I admitted to him. It wasn’t until this moment that I had realized truly how lonely I’d really been. But, shrugging the feeling off, I leaned towards Connor as we left the break room. “FYI, I was half-tempted to respond to Gavin’s ‘go fuck yourself’ with ‘fuck me yourself, you coward.’” I joked. “But I didn’t because I wasn’t completely sure that he wouldn’t take it seriously and I wasn’t about to take that risk.”

Connor didn’t laugh, which didn’t surprise me, but his smile did seem to widen a small bit. So even if he couldn’t laugh, he could at least feel amusement, and that was good enough for me. “So, where is there left for me to see, Rachel?” Connor asked me.

“All that’s really left is the archive room and the office, and you’ve seen the office already.” I said to him. “But, I can show you my desk. Unfortunately, it’s next to Gavin’s. But, weirdly enough, when he’s working at his desk, he is mercifully quiet. So, I can actually get work done!”

“Lead the way, then.” Connor suggested.

I cut through behind Fowler’s office, stealing a glance through the glass wall over at Micheal and seeing him lock eyes with me. I reminded myself that I needed to see him later once I was done with this. “Right over there is the hallway leading to the archive room, and the actual room is to the right.” I explained, pointing at the glass door. “It goes downstairs underneath the repair centre. It’s where evidence is filed and collected and stored.”

Once I was done explaining, I walked back towards the office area. My desk was directly across from Hank’s on the opposite end of the office and Gavin’s desk was right in front of mine. But up ahead in the corner, I noticed Chris working at his desk and decided to take Connor to say hi. After all, I didn’t want Connor’s only experience with the police here to just be Gavin being an asshole and Hank being angsty.

And besides, Chris was a really good guy, and I felt like he and Connor would actually get along really well.

So, making my way over, I quickly found my way to Chris’s desk and gave him a little wave. “Hi, Chris!” I greeted.

The black man gave me a smile as he took a break from what he was working on. “Hello, Rachel.” He returned. “How was your morning?”

I bobbed my head back and forth. “It was...an eventful morning, definitely.” I replied.

Connor quickly stepped up beside me, his hands folded behind his back as he looked at Chris with a neutral expression. “You still here?” Chris asked when Connor approached. “I thought your assignment was over.”

“It's just been extended.” Connor replied matter-of-factly.

Chris scoffed. “Hank's gonna be overjoyed to hear that...”

“Oh, he wasn’t.” I assured Chris. “Captain gave him a whole earful. Hank’s been officially assigned to the deviancy case and Connor’s been assigned as his partner, so they’re gonna be stuck together for a little while longer.”

Chris let out a strained breath, his eyes widened in what was the universal facial sign of yikes. “Best of luck to you, Connor.” The black man wished, shaking his head. “You were right about that android...it's been quiet in the cell all night.” He then mentioned. “Scheduled for transfer today.”

I blinked at him, realizing that Micheal was likely not going to survive today unless I acted fast. “Really? When?” I asked him.

“Not sure.” Chris responded. “I think around six is when CyberLife’s gonna come pick it up.”

I nodded. Right. That’s how much time I have to figure out how to help him. Giving Chris a pleasant smile I backed away. “Well, nice to see you again, Chris.”

“Nice to see you too, Rachel.” Chris replied kindly. “Have a good day.”

“You too!” I called, already walking towards my desk with Connor in tow. Once we reached it, I took a seat in it, putting my coffee down and sighing. “And this is my desk! Thankfully Gavin’s not here yet, so I’ll be without him for a little while.”

Connor nodded, his eyes scanning over what seemed to be about everything on my desk. His LED was spinning yellow, no doubt that he was learning everything he could about me just from the contents of my desk. Once his LED spun back to blue, I glanced over at Hank, who was still pouting, stealing glances back at me on occasion.

Giving him a smile, I turned in my chair. “Well, you’ve got work to do.” I said, ending the conversation. “But feel free to get my attention if you need something, got it?”

Connor smiled. “Got it.” He replied.

I glanced up at him, offering him a reassuring grin. “Good luck.” I whispered to him.

Connor then turned around to approach Hank. Whenever I was focused on something, everything else sort of faded into verbal equivalents of static. Well, not everything. I could hear and pick up much smaller noises. The ringings of phones, footsteps, specific conversations while others were complete garbled nonsense, the sounds of birds outside, cars. It seemed that I could very easily hear and pick up on sounds from very far away that most people wouldn’t be able to hear, while the things that happened directly around me just weren’t processed by my brain.

As much as I tried to work on something - anything at all - I couldn’t tear my focus away from Connor and Hank. “I get the impression my presence causes you some inconvenience, Lieutenant.” Connor started saying calmly to Hank. “I'd like you to know I'm very sorry about that.”

I couldn’t help but melt a little at him. Awww, bless his soul. Granted, he didn’t have one. But honestly, he might as well have.

But Hank clearly wasn’t taken with Connor, so the android persisted. “Now that we're partners, it would be great to get to know each other better.”

Still nothing.

“In any case, I'd like you to know I'm very happy to be working with you.” He tried once again. “I'm sure we'll make a great team.”

Nothing. Connor wasn’t going to be getting anywhere with Hank, and it was honestly so upsetting. He was genuinely trying really hard to bond with Hank.

But...I knew Hank wasn’t going to be that easy to crack. At least for Connor. So this was probably going to be a long process to watch. But bless Connor for trying so hard. “Is there a desk anywhere I could use?” He asked.

“No one's using that one.” Hank finally responded, pointing to the empty desk in front of him, still pouting with his arms crossed like an angry child.

Connor slowly rounded to the chair and took a seat in front of the unused terminal, sitting across from Hank and in full view of me. I noticed him steal a glance at me, and I quickly looked away, instead laying my eyes on the keyboard as I took another sip of my coffee.

As much as I tried to at least act like I was working, I couldn’t for the life of me stop focusing on Connor. Somehow he had completely taken over all my focus. Probably because what he was doing was a lot more interesting than anything else I had to work on.

“You have a dog, right?” Connor asked.

Hank seemed taken aback for a moment before he answered. “How do you know that?” He asked suspiciously.

“The dog hairs on your chair.” Connor explained bluntly. “I like dogs. What's your dog's name?”

Hank narrowed his eyes at Connor. “What's it to you?” He asked grouchily. But, it seemed he couldn’t help but relent. “Sumo,” he answered. “I call him Sumo.”

I smiled at them. I knew Hank had a lovely St. Bernard. Though the story behind him was actually a really sad one to hear. Apparently he belonged to a murder victim Hank was investigating and he took the dog in after they inspected the crime scene. Apparently he didn’t actually know what the dog’s real name was, so he decided to call him Sumo.

A moment of uneventful quiet. I already gave up on working while they were taking up my attention, so I just listened absentmindedly to their conversation. I honestly didn’t mean to eavesdrop as much as I was currently doing, but my attention span was garbage, so this was apparently the only thing my brain thought was worth paying attention to.

“You're a Detroit Gears fan, right?” Connor asked, getting a little snicker out of me. Ah yes, sports. The ideal male bonding strategy. “Denton Carter scored 53% of his shots from the three-point line yesterday. Did you see the game?”

Hank seemed to glare at Connor for a moment before replying. “That's what I was watchin' at the bar last night.”

Oops, that was awkward. “Oh...” Was all Connor could say, and I wanted to hug his poor face. Well, at least you tried, Connor. The secondhand embarrassment was making me shiver a bit, so I decided to have another drink of coffee.

“Do you listen to Knights of the Black Death?” Connor asked Hank. “I really like that music. It’s full of...energy.”

I had to stop myself from making the sort of noises I make when I see my dog at him. Awwwww, he’s so cute! 

Hank seemed to hesitate for a moment before he answered. “You listen to heavy metal?”

I quickly laughed the kind of laugh you laugh through your nose when you’re trying not to laugh, but I was trying really really hard not to draw attention to myself, but as I was starting to let out a wheeze, I realized I had already lost.

“Well, I don’t really listen to music as such,” Connor replied, “but I’d like to!”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing and clearly Hank noticed me. “What’s so funny?” He asked me.

While I was trying to compose myself to try and answer him without wheezing, I leaned over in my chair, letting out a few sighs to try and convince myself that I was done laughing. “I mean...he’s an android...that likes heavy metal.” I said, very much trying to draw attention to the coincidence, and also feeling another fit of giggles worm their way into my chest. “Do you get it?”

I started laughing again, keeling over my desk, not even looking at either of them. “Yeah, hilarious.” I could practically hear the eyeroll in Hank’s response.

“Oh! I think I do understand!” Connor said. I looked back at him, a dumb grin on my face as I was trying really hard not to laugh again. “The fact that several components in androids are made of metals makes the fact that I enjoy heavy metal music a rather amusing coincidence.”

I kept snickering. I just looked right at Connor’s cute dumbass face, my wide grin still plastered on mine. Usually when someone explains a joke, it makes it unfunny and immediately kills it. But there was something about the genuine sincerity in Connor’s dry explanation that was...completely endearing. “Yeah, you get it.” I giggled, keeling over again. “Ohhhh, that’s too good. Oh, that’s fucking precious.” I quickly calmed down, letting them get back to their conversation. Although I was turned away from them, I still couldn’t help but keep snickering, the conversation repeating in my head.

“A lot of people don’t appreciate having androids around.” As he said that, he glanced over at me, and our eyes met. Feeling like a deer in the headlights, I quickly looked away and pulled up one of my papers to act like I was reading it intently. I assumed he looked away from me when he started speaking again. “I was wondering...is there any reason in particular you despise me?”

Hank was quiet for a moment before he talked again. “Yeah...there is one.” He responded. It seemed like he was going to elaborate, but evidently he decided not to. I couldn’t really blame him. He was the type of person that kept his closest and most vulnerable feelings under lock and key. He was a very private person. I knew the reason, but I wasn’t going to tell Connor. Hank was very selective of who his personal details are shared with, and I wanted to respect that.

I, on the other hand, tended to overshare my personal feelings and experiences in contrast. People are surprised that I’m able to be so open about such vulnerable topics, but I never really feel vulnerable. In an ironic sense, it was a sort of defense mechanism for me to overshare my traumatic experiences in an effort to feel like I have more control over my life.

“Have you known Captain Fowler for long?” Connor asked Hank.

“Yeah...” He answered, glancing back at Fowler’s office. “Too long.”

There was clearly a lot of history between Hank and Fowler. After all, Hank and one other person were the only people who could get away with referring to him by his first name. They had been here longer than everyone else, it seemed. But Fowler was made captain, and he hardened a bit. Not completely, but a bit.

“I was wondering...” Connor said, breaking through my thoughts. “Do you always arrive at the office at this time?”

“I arrive when I arrive.” Hank said loudly. “Stop busting my balls, okay?”

“Would you rather he bust your nuts?” I said with zero hesitation, feeling proud of myself, before I quickly realized that I probably shouldn’t have said it. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Although, it got a pretty good reaction out of the surrounding officers, as Officer Wilson almost choked on his coffee and started laughing. And very quickly, I started snickering again, too.

Hank looked over at me and groaned very loudly. “Very funny, Rachel.” He grumbled.

“I know, I’m hilarious.” I said with brazen confidence, trying to mask the horrible embarrassment I felt.

I finally decided to just laugh it off and get back to finishing some work, deciding to ignore them altogether.

That’s what I decided. But was that what I did? Nope.

Even as I was doing the minimal work I could do, I could barely tear my attention away from Hank and Connor, more specifically Connor. “If you have any files on deviants, I'd like to take a look at them...” He suggested.

Hank looked over at him and pointed to the screen in front of Connor. “Terminal's on your desk. Knock yourself out.” He said, clearly trying to keep their relationship as impersonal as possible.

Which I couldn’t really blame him for, really. As much as I thought Hank was being a bit of a brat, I also understood that he didn’t want this to go on longer than a day at most. So, this sucked for him.

“243 files...The first dates back nine months...” Connor began explaining. “It all started in Detroit...And quickly spread across the country...” As Connor’s eyes focused on the terminal, his LED spinning yellow, he then turned towards Hank. “An AX400 is reported to have assaulted a man last night. That could be a good starting point for our investigation.”

Hank was being rather sour with Connor, having already turned away from him with his head in his hand. Connor got up to approach Hank, who turned around harshly and started picking up data pads and was just moving them around, pretending to look busy. An action I found rather petulant and annoying, nevermind what Connor was thinking since he was clearly just trying to do the job he was assigned to do. I knew Connor was going to have a difficult time dealing with Hank, as he could be rather ornery and already couldn’t stand androids, but there was a sense of unwavering determination in Connor that I couldn’t help but respect. I got the feeling that he would stop at nothing to accomplish whatever task he was set out to do.

As I wrapped up the last of my minimal work, my attention was completely focused on Hank and Connor. “I know you didn't ask for this investigation, Lieutenant,” I looked over and Connor was leaning over Hank trying to reason with him, “but I'm sure you're a professional.”

“Why don't you go fuck yourself?” Hank snapped at Connor.

The moment had gone sour, and Connor turned towards me as if to silently plead for my help. I just gave him a shrug and took another sip of my coffee.

“I've been assigned this mission, Lieutenant.” Connor insisted. “I didn't come here to wait until you feel like working.”

In an instant, I saw Hank shoving Connor up against the wall of his desk in a threatening manner and felt my anxiety shoot up again, making the room go completely dead. “Listen, asshole.” Hank growled at Connor. “If it was up to me, I’d throw the lot of you in a dumpster and set a match to it. So stop pissing me off...or things are gonna get nasty.”

I noticed some movement in the corner of my eye and saw Chris getting up from his desk and walking over to Hank. My eyes followed the officer intently. “Lieutenant, uh...sorry to disturb you.” He started with as Hank put Connor down. “I have some information on the AX400 that attacked the guy last night. It’s been seen in the Ravendale District.”

Ravendale. That’s Camden, I’m pretty sure. My brain echoed. I think that’s about a ten minute drive from where I live. “I’m on it.” Hank agreed, not taking his eyes off of Connor. I very quickly looked away, but realized that Hank was approaching me. “Hey.” He said to me. I looked up at him wondering for a moment if I was about to be reprimanded for my behaviour before he put a hand on my desk. “I’m going to investigate that aggravated assault case, you wanna come with?”

I was surprised that he asked me to come with him, considering what just transpired. But he probably didn’t want to deal with Connor alone. Fowler’s words reverberated in my mind at Hank’s request. Me, seeing an excuse to hang with the both of them, agreed. “Sure, why not? I got nothing else better to do, and you two could probably use my help after last night.”

“Great.” He said, nodding as he started walking away. “We’re heading out!”

I got up out of my seat and made sure I had everything I needed, following Hank and approaching Connor. “I guess I’ll finally have the opportunity to see how you work in the field, Connor.”

“Indeed.” He replied curtly. “And I’m looking forward to seeing how you perform as well.”

“Well, I’m hard-wired for investigation.” I said, a smug smirk plastered on my face. “But you’re more so than I am, I bet.”

“I am.” He replied, not catching my joke. “You could even say I was specifically designed for the task.”

I shook my head, giving up for now on jokes since my mind had gone blank. “Well, I can’t think of any puns I can make right now. But now I’m curious if you have a sense of humour in the same way humans do, Connor.”

“Oh, dear God. Please don’t encourage her.” Hank groaned.

Connor looked confused. “Why’s that, Lieutenant?”

“Her jokes are terrible.” He quipped.

I just grinned smugly at him like the bastard I was. “That’s what makes them so great!” I said with a gremlinesque giggle. “You can pretend you don’t find them amusing all you want, but you’ve smiled at a few. Even chuckled, if the mood had you.”

“Pity smiles and pity laughs, Rachel.” He said defensively. “Just don’t quit your day job, is all I’m saying.”

I scoffed at him. “Whatever you say, Hank.”

We followed Hank out of the precinct and into Hank’s car, thankful he wasn’t drunk this time and that I didn’t have to worry about him.

And I couldn’t lie, this was the most excited I felt about something in a long time. 

---------------------------------

Next Chapter

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Sixty-Six: Tea Cup ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, Inuzuka Kiba, Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Shisui ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Healing Waters and Scorching Flames ] [ AO3 Link ]

In all honesty, part of him wants to return to the shop.

After the war, Shisui’s gone back to run it, claiming his time - though short - in the Fire Nation army was more than enough. And given his loyalties to the White Lotus, being biased in any one nation now that alliances are in the works with the group as an important figurehead seems unbalanced.

And in all honesty? Sasuke misses his time there. Though it was a little...strange, and quite the divergence from his typical behavior, it’d been a time of good change in him. So maybe, in a way, it’s a little nostalgic.

But, he has more than his cut of work to do elsewhere: the Fire Nation - and he himself - have much to make up for after their actions in the century of war they waged. Along with the rest of Team Avatar, he spends every spare minute traveling, in peace talks, and even helping to set up new governments and laws. Not just in his own country, but others. Whether he likes it or not, Sasuke’s involvement with Naruto means a front-row seat in the proceedings as the world slowly rights itself after a hundred years of imbalance and turmoil.

A few years pass before there’s any semblance of a break. Thankfully Sasuke still gets plenty of time with his brother, and there’s little more he can ask for than that. The new Fire Lord is as well as he can be thanks to his healer, and under his leadership, the Fire Nation is making good ground.

...something he knows never would have happened if he’d been the one to end up ruler.

He tries, however, not to think about that. Things are as they are, and - as Hinata once told him - it’s time to move on. Look forward. And looking back on what-ifs and could-have-beens won’t get him anywhere he needs to be.

So, once the group all have time to settle down for at least a few days...Sasuke extends the invitation to the Jasmine Dragon for a small reunion, and a chance to see both his cousin, and one of his favorite places again.

They meet at the gate of Ba Sing Se to start, taking the tram to the upper ring and chatting as they go.

“Y’know Sasuke, you seem...different.”

The Uchiha perks a brow at the Avatar. “...do I?”

“Yeah! Like...uh…” The blond rubs at his chin, trying to figure it out. “...lighter…?”

“...lighter. What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?”

“No, I think I see what he means,” Sakura offers, taking her turn to lean in and study him...making him in turn lean back. “Something is different...like you’re not so dreary and depressing anymore.”

“Gee, thanks,” he deadpans in reply.

“That’s a good thing!” Naruto insists. “Means you’re changing!”

“An insult in the past is still an insult.”

Nearby, he just catches Hinata turning to giggle into a sleeve.

...for some reason, that lifts his mood.

Once they reach the proper station, the group departs and starts walking toward the tea house. “So Shisui really did just...drop out of the army to make tea?”

“Mhm.”

“That seems so...weird. Like, how do you go from badass general to...tea maker?”

“Everyone has hobbies. And not all of them have to make sense. It’s...what he likes to do,” Sasuke explains with a shrug. “And he’s damn good at it, so why not?”

“I mean yeah, I guess.”

“...I worked here for a while, remember?”

“Wait, what?”

...did he really never mention that?

“You worked in a tea house…?” Hinata follows up.

“Uh, yeah...for a little while. Shisui and I came in disguised as refugees, and...he found us work in a tea house.” His lips twitch. “...he quickly turned it around - the man knows his tea. Eventually he got offered his own tea house by some rich guy who wanted his talent, which included lodging, so...we took it. It was...honestly really nice. And then…” His expression falls. “...there was the time we all ended up in the crystal caverns, and…”

An awkward silence falls as they all remember.

“...well, things got better after that!” Naruto pipes up, trying to pop the somber bubble. “And now look at us!”

“...yeah.”

“Do you ever think about coming back?”

“...to work?” Sasuke tries to clarify, turning to Hinata.

“It sounds like you really enjoyed it.”

Looking back forward, he eventually admits, “...I did. But I have too much to do with our group. Maybe someday, once that’s all said and done, I can come back. Just for a while - I’m sure there will always be work to be done. But...maybe.”

Soon enough they arrive, and Shisui greets them exuberantly. “It’s about time you all made it here!” he teases with a trademark grin. “I saved the best table for you!”

They all take their seats, admiring the place. “Wooow, this is fancy!” Naruto compliments, gaping at the interior.

“He takes good care of it...and admittedly has pretty good style. It’s all based on traditional tea houses.”

Once they all choose their tea leaves, hot water is brought alongside beautiful tea cups. The finery seems mostly lost on almost the whole group. But Hinata admires her cup closely.

“He had them all custom made,” Sasuke explains from his seat beside her. “They’re all based on different flowers or tea types. I...dunno enough about it to tell you what’s what, but I remember that much.”

“This one’s lilacs,” she explains, holding it up to show the blooms painted along the bottom.

Before he considers his words, Sasuke offers, “It suits you.”

“...you think so?”

Uh… “...y-yeah. Purple always sort of reminds me of you.”

She blinks at him, clearly taken a bit aback. “...reminds you...of me?”

Thankfully the tension is broken as Kiba spills tea, earning a yelp that brings both their gazes back around...and several other patrons’.

“Jeez, we can’t take you anywhere!” Sakura gripes, trying to wipe it up...only for Hinata to bend all of the liquid up off the table and out an obliging window, into a bush.

“No harm done,” the Hyūga insists, smiling. Her Southern companion mumbles a thank you before nursing his tea sheepishly.

The group stays well into the afternoon, having their share of tea, and suitable cakes and snacks alongside it. For a while, all of their responsibilities seem to be forgotten. Even Shisui spends some time at their table, chatting with both his cousin and the others.

“I will admit, the Earth Kingdom has the best tea leaves. The Fire Nation is just too arid in most places to really grow it well. Too hot.”

“Well this is all great!” Sakura compliments. “You’ve got a pretty nice shop here, Shisui.”

“Thanks! It does pretty well. And there’s little else I’d rather be doing.”

“What about White Lotus work?” Sasuke cuts in.

“Oh yeah, that too. This is more just my daily job - White Lotus assignments are thankfully a bit sparse for me. Mostly just relaying information. Which means plenty of time here!” He smiles, and there’s a hint of mischief to it. “You wouldn’t believe the things some folks say when in a fancy place like this. They forget they can be overheard.”

“Very clever.”

“Hey, two birds with one stone!”

By early evening, however, they’ve had just about as much tea and cake as they can handle. “Leaving already?”

“We’ve got rooms for the night, but yeah - duty calls,” Naruto replies with a salute.

“No rest for the wicked - or the Avatar, eh? And of course his trusty companions.”

“Nope!”

They make their way out into the cool evening air and toward the inn they’ve all booked. “That was so lovely,” Hinata compliments, hands clasped at her front. “I’d love to go again and again.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sasuke admits. “Hopefully we can head back sooner rather than later.” Glancing to the trio at the front, there’s a pause before he decides to suggest, “Maybe...sometime, it could be just the two of us…?”

That earns him a curious glance.

“I mean, the others are great! Just, you know...a little loud.”

Hinata can’t help a light laugh at that. “You...have a point. It might be nice to have a bit of quieter company in a place like a tea house.” Smiling at him, she agrees, “All right...we’ll have to do that someday.”

Something swells in the firebender’s chest.

Once they reach the inn, they break into groups - the boys in one room, and the girls in another. They all say their goodnights, and then part.

Dressing down to sleep, Naruto can’t help but give Sasuke a sly grin. “Sooo, Sasuke...what were you and Hinata talking about so long behind us?”

He stiffens...and Kiba does the same.

“Uh...what do you mean?”

“C’mon, man! You were chattin’ up a storm!”

“...we were just talking about the tea house, Naruto. Calm down.”

The blond jabs an elbow into Sasuke’s bare side, eyebrows wriggling. “Maybe plans to go there...alone…?”

...how did he…?

“...and if I did? What’s the big deal?”

Naruto’s grin just gets wider...and Kiba’s scowl gets deeper. “Ha! I knew it!”

“Maybe I just like quieter company than you three loud-mouths,” Sasuke grumbles, pulling on a night shirt.

“Uh huuuh...sure.”

Tired of the teasing, Sasuke tucks himself into bed, back turned rather pointedly to his bunkmates. “Goodnight, Naruto.”

“G’night, Lover Boy!”

     Veeery late, but...done, lol      Some more AtLA cuz tea plays a pretty big part in canon AtLA x3 Since Sasuke lacks an Iroh figure, I instead have Shisui play Iroh's part, just...a little younger. And a little sassier, ahaha. I have considered maybe using Kagami, but...I dunno. Fugaku doesn't have a canon brother, and Kagami's technically a generation older, so...we'll just have to see - I might change it later if I ever make a proper fic out of the crossover, but for now, this is what we've got lol      And on that note, I need to head to bed! Thanks so much for reading~

[tacosandsausage-blog]

In sickness and in health

So just got back from the ER (don't ask) and I realized that my inner caveman never goes on vacation. Forget all those hot nurse, female doctor sponge bath fantasies. This is not about that. Even with a gaping head wound I found myself scamming on another patient. 

After I registered, took care of paper work, and sat down, I noticed cute blonde girl sitting in the next seating group over. As is the case with the emergency room, there are long spells of time before anything happens. As this story goes, random people started being admitted before us even though they appeared to show up well after. I'm generally very patient, but I can be prone to making snap judgements. Apparently my muttering was louder than I thought and I heard a chuckle from over my shoulder. When I looked up I saw her looking at me.  

We started chatting and I asked why she was there and she motioned me to lean over the backs of the chairs separating us. She was sitting on a towel with her whole right side of her upper leg (cheek to knee) road rashed and below her calf was swollen, like huge. She was gingerly icing the lower leg. I took a quick glance at the other leg, you know, for medical comparison and evaluation ;) and I saw a long shapely leg disappear into her jean mini. I said that looks like it hurts (duh). She asked what I was there for and I started to explain before I realized she was making fun of my bloody face. Great - bonding over open sores. I am sure there is a sanitation issue here, but at this point who cares. 

I hopped around the seats and sat next to her. We traded our stupid accident stories and spent the rest of the waiting time chattin it up. Soon they called her name - Stacy Abbott. I helped her up, sent her in to triage, and said I'd see her inside. The next 15 minutes passed more slowly than the previous 50 that we'd been talking. When they finally called me in, I was eager to catch up with my partner in tragedy. Unfortunately inside the doors  of the ER everything becomes a maze. Just rooms, curtains and halls. I never saw Stacy again. I wonder how that leg healed. I'd love to compare them a bit closer.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high thenIndie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high then Indie: but youll leave Rio: I ain't trying be that, that's not how it is for me Indie: i love you Indie: tell me how it should be Rio: I love you too Rio: I just meant I'm not going to sit around and get high with you too, I can't Rio: you've got your friends for that Rio: I'll be at home Indie: dont go without me Indie: ill come with Indie: i meant how i said i aint tryna go looking for them Rio: Okay Rio: come on then Indie: is mckenna gonna be vexed at me now too Rio: i'm not Rio: first of all Rio: and why would he be Indie: cos i want you to stay w me Rio: no, he'll get it Rio: i'm not with him anyway, i told you, i've been waiting for you, no sense him too Rio: probably go home with his da Indie: but he aint here for long Indie: im not tryna do you like that serious Rio: trust me, it's fine Rio: let me worry about him as and when Indie: ok Indie: im sorry for how i chatted Indie: doin you & edie dirty Rio: I'm sorry too, things got heated and potentially things were said that shouldn't, or at least said in unhelpful ways Rio: I just want good things for you, I just want you to be alright Rio: both of you, equally as much Indie: i kno Indie: & trust my head & heart wont b this rinsed always Indie: its just Rio: it literally just happened, it's still sinking in if at all Rio: no matter how many times, you were too young on a lot of 'em to feel it how you do now Rio: not dissing Meena on how she did it either but idk, not tonight Indie: i really thought on him stepping up for astrid Indie: thats so chief of me but Indie: & i was so high when she told me Rio: I know Rio: I thought he might too but Rio: just say he didn't have the chance now yeah Rio: like how he didn't with Edie 'cos Ma wouldn't be with him Rio: whatever Rio: and I'm drunk, we need to go to bed Rio: it'll be there in the morning Indie: youll be there too yeah no drunk rollin out the bed like Rio: of course Rio: i might need to throw up and lay on the tiles for a bit but i'm an adult, you'll never even clock Indie: imma join cos can we all stop acting that guinness aint filth Indie: what mckenna on bout man Indie: he aint even from here Rio: 😂 Rio: it's so heavy, barely ate 'cos I feel like I been feasting all day Rio: really helps with getting you pished faster, nicely played Guinness Indie: it taste how when i was little & watchin your ma fix her truck & put this old spanner in my mouth Rio: So legit Rio: Be the iron Rio: should get Ro on 'em forreal Indie: put her on a drip Indie: proper drs orders soz step ma Indie: pint in the vein Rio: Imagine mainlining booze Rio: people would, especially today, no fucking chill Indie: unhectic Indie: nah ty Indie: but yeah even my 🐶 be on his feral hype rn jam baby boy Rio: He too lil, that carling did him in Indie: who tf Indie: he needs zzzzzzzzzzzs too Indie: mckenna be shit dog daddy Rio: just don't take away the dog part of that Rio: he'd be gutted Indie: just dont let him put a 👶 in you Indie: im savin you tonite but aint be there all time Rio: Behave Rio: I won't Indie: we all 👀 him holding my younger like she 💣 Indie: never done seen a boy so scared Rio: he got reasons Rio: nah no Rio: dash that Indie: wys Indie: cos his younger? Rio: yeah Indie: how old would he be? its a madness Rio: Like... Rio: God Rio: 8? Rio: Bit younger than Gus Indie: he'd be running w him & di Rio: Yeah Rio: Now I wanna cry all over again Indie: soz Indie: i love dem boys tho Indie: how would he be lookin? mckenna & other mckenna are so different for twins like Rio: init Rio: god knows Rio: cute tho Indie: frecks for days i reckon Indie: their das skipped em Rio: awh Indie: like di but not as cute cos u kno Indie: he 😍😍😍 Rio: yeah he a babe Rio: changed my mind want a baby broody now Indie: i aint tryna see the footage of me he got today tho wildin Indie: i wanna have so many 👶👶👶👶👶 Indie: but in years Rio: he a menace with that 📹 Rio: but he does know angles so 🤞 Rio: years and years and years, don't need to repeat ma Indie: he gon be somebody w dem skillz Indie: yeah man i wanna be 👵 af fore i start Indie: like ro Rio: i don't wanna be that old Rio: how i gonna be a MILF then Indie: u kno catch me @ 25 Indie: i aint got chill Indie: & you a milf now bitch hello Rio: you know i ain't but i'll have to live vicariously probs Rio: 😘 ty Indie: mckenna will step up to b a real daddy you all good Rio: it makes it too real Rio: stick with my imaginary dream baby daddy Indie: you got a 💎💍💎 girl how fake is it Indie: mhmmm tho who he be? 😏😏😏😏 Rio: this diamond be so real bitch Rio: wys Indie: lemme bite it Indie: nah thats porcelain yeah Indie: idk Indie: gold? Indie: its something Rio: 😂 child you feral Rio: stay away from my hand and my bling Indie: rude Indie: speaking on imma start climbin if i cant get thru these heads towards you soon Indie: dont get the wrong idea lads Rio: it's literally ridiculous Rio: can't see a damn thing but buster n his da 'cos they freaky giants, head for them like they a landmark bitch Indie: ive shouted well much native 👅 & these wasteman aint tryna no none Indie: fake 🍀 three times removed or what boyyys Rio: that's the real tea Rio: yanks be out here with their st pattys like bitch no Indie: gingers too Indie: it aint make you one of us cos you 🥕 Indie: if you repin you repin Rio: @Nance next time babe Indie: ill say it in irish she aint kno Indie: posh girl Rio: 😶 savage Rio: omg Indie: she wearin the colours but she aint got her mouth round them sounds soz bout it Indie: my ma aint kno none either tho what a madness Rio: s'a dying language babe, loads natives don't even Indie: hacks Indie: we can say how we want Rio: imma text granddad and be like put on danny boy Rio: get 'em emosh, be easier to get out Indie: 👑👑👑 moves Indie: til i get something in my eye again & cant find my way out Rio: you don't work in pubs long as i did without knowing how to calm a crowd babe Indie: innit tho Rio: ooh, I see you Rio: swerve them or imma have to explain Indie: 👀 & 👂s baby Indie: ✌✌✌✌

[deeisace]

Weird dream Weird Dream. No train stations this time, huh Okay so first off It was like. Soldiers? I was a soldier in training? But it was like. Against our will? All of us (there was like. A big team of like 20) didnt want to be soldiers and we were cut off from all our family an stuff But we were send to this. Training place? Where we were scanned for metal on the way in, then given big guns and there was this scary general guy and he said to shoot at each other And there was a woman in our group who had. Earpieces? Like the like Bluetooth earpieces to phone people? And if you give her a pound coin she give you an earpiece. She was just sat in the middle of everything, like no worries, chattin away to someone An I went to her, I had a pocket full of change (cs I was wearing my green trousers which is actually currently where all my change is. Anyway), give her a pound an she was like ‘here have mine’, so I shoved it in my ear, expecting to either hear who she was talking to or my mum cs in-dream I hadn’t seen or spoke to her for months and months But it was this other woman? Who knew who I was, but I had no clue who she was (an incredibly common occurrence for me. Like serious, I have no idea who most people are til I met them like 4 times. No idea. Anyway) And she was all like 'soo, how are you? How’s it going?’ And I was having to be like 'yeah yeah, fine everything’s good’, while. Getting shot at. A lot And then like I guess it’s a training session that’s finished now, cs we’re being led out of the little walled field it was in, to be scanned again, and I’m like fuck fuck fuck I have this metal thing in my ear they’re gonna find So I’m like hhhhh hide it on the wall? To get next time? So I go to do that. And there is a creepy sockpuppet thing? Hung in a tree like a snake? Really creepy? And the old general man comes to fix it and he chats like he’s totally not evil So I have to keep the earpiece in my ear But then! Genius idea! I keep it in my ear, but when they scan me I put my hand up to my ear, with my rings on, and That will set the thing off, and no one will be the wiser And also I guess the guns were paint ball guns? Cs no one’s dead? My Cunning Plan works, somehow, and then we squeeze back in this car and its really kinda weird an awkward? Idk why But the lady has stopped talking nonsense in my ear, that’s something

And then there’s like. I guess it’s another dream? Where there’s this stormtrooper tryna give Darth Vader a Christmas present? And Darth Vader’s all like 'no! It means nothing to me! And you are just a collection of atoms! And the stormtrooper’s all like aw I just wanted to like reconnect with my dad, an now he’s gonna throw me in the pool But later, he’s like, on the phone to his friends (/datemates? Idk. One of them is han solo, tho) and all like 'and we had a talk. And he understands a bit more now. And he wants to meet you guys!’

And also. There was a bit. I think actually it was before the soldiers bit, at the beginning Where me and @calamitys-child Aidan were doing magic tricks? To distract someone from the other guy who was currently robbing their house? I say me and Aidan. Aidan was doing card tricks. While I like. Fluttered my hands about. Idk man And the guy had a lot of stuff to steal, so it took ages and we were running out of card tricks, but it was just in time the other guy was like 'nah we’re fine now, you can leg it’

[spraffin]

03/04/17

MARCH 

I know tomorrow is going to come because I’ve seen it. Sunrise is going to come, all you have to do is wake up. The future has been at war, but it’s coming home so soon.

March arrived quietly; entered stage left without making too much noise, and sat down without a fuss. It came with a warm breeze and new hope, new self-worth, and new goals. When February had finished its perfomance, it had bowed with feigned humility, and clambered undaintily down from the stage. February knows how impressive it was. February wore me out with progress, and had me sleeping so often that it took me a while to notice how much harder I was living while I was awake. On the day of my audition, I was finally able to access the sweeping confidence I adopt whenever I feel fulfilled - the same confidence I use when I’m working with kids at Glen and at parties with new friends. I felt tall and upright and genuine. Tara from my building in Granton was there, and I was struck by my progress since leaving from the moment I greeted her - I considered her a close friend, but until then I don’t think we’d ever had a conversation in which I was properly focused on her, since I was always so overwhelmed by anxiety. We took part in a two hour workshop and I charged into it with more energy than I knew I had. I delivered my monologue one and a half times without panicking, and I was congratulated for an entertaining and engaging performance. Following this we were interviewed privately. A stern woman with curly hair who Fin had described to me as a “terror” talked softly to me about my options and why I’d left Granton a third of the way into my course. She was very gentle and told me how brave she thought I must be. A few days later, I got an unconditional offer.  The idea of a future is so strange and foreign when you’re in recovery. It’s overwhelming to suddenly be confronted with a limitless stream of possibilities that you never thought you’d see again - to be re-met by opportunities you’ve already mourned. I am confused, but excited. I’m getting stronger and stronger.

We are all going to be part of each other one day. The future is a blue sky and a full tank of gas.

I accepted the offer and thought hard about performing. There’s little I feel more wonderful doing. I love comedy, I love singing, I love pretending, I love making up bits on the spot. I love being looked at and admired and laughed at. Empathy makes me so much better at being entertaining. I love feeling huge and bright. I love other people and I love them in a crowd, whether they’re sat in rows beneath me or gathered around me at a party. My entire understanding of self-esteem is about performance. I can’t function without it so I’m going to learn how to do it better. 

March came with warm days and tough mornings, slow nights. I spent time with Lauryn and skipped rehearsal more than once and slept and played guitar. Rinse and repeat. But then came the end of the month, and the journey to Northamptonshire. 

TRAVELLING 

Lord I’m one, Lord I’m two, Lord I’m three, Lord I’m four, Lord I’m 500 miles from my home. 

I took my medication and climbed onto the coach, and slept until we reached Glasgow. It was dark and gorgeous and raining, and I grinned and wriggled in my seat and fell asleep again. Birmingham at six A.M. The sun rose through thick white fog while I sat in the dark rail station. I felt euphoric but so relaxed. I smiled hard as the train pulled into Northampton. I got on an eight A.M bus full of English school kids who yelled in abrasive shrill accents. Spencer and I found each other in Kettering, and the weight of our friendship was overwhelming and so sweet and thick and heavy like honey. 

The next few days passed in a blur of blankets and patterned curtains and sunlight glowing into a cup of tea. I basked in the rare and amazing gift of total comfort in the presence of someone else. Alice turned out to be the most beautiful cat in the world. Megan and I swapped books and we visited a country park with Spencer’s nieces. The kids were adorably goofy and charming and told us they knew being gay was okay because they watched Shane Dawson. We had ice creams and then headed home for noodles and incredibly cheap wine, the kind that tastes like acetone and should really be saved for when you’re drinking in a public park in your school uniform. We laughed - I remember laughter as an almost permanent state that I lived in while in England - and made beautiful art and ugly art and explored Northampton. I was glum and drained for the return journey, and found Birmingham ten times as beautiful at four A.M than I had the first time I’d passed through. Chinatown glowed red in the darkness, like the last embers of a fire, the wind biting. I walked back and forth for miles to kill time before the coach left. I made it home after fourteen hours and fell immediately into bed. 

Then, the days were tired and nerve-wracking. I napped on Lauryn and painted blue and green and gold onto her eyelids. Heather went to a job interview and I sat next to her smiling smugly, internally screaming “that’s my friend!”. Imogen and I went to see a singing competition. Lucy was immense as usual, belting angrily, so much power coming from a tower of five-foot-nothing, commanding attention in her uniquely compelling way. Rachael was angelic and soft and sweet, and her face exploded into a smile when she won. 

My family left for the Lake District on Friday evening, and I packed frantically for Edinburgh. I was overcome with anxiety - my ribs throttled my heart like a cage and I breathed as if it was my last chance. I knew I wouldn’t be going near Granton, but my head was reeling and spinning as I pictured Princes Street. I thought about the frost underneath my feet in Sighthill, the sun over Leith Walk, crying on the tram, crying on the bus, crying in the rain, crying in my bedroom. I remembered my panic and anxiety about my friends from Glen, and how fervently I believed that none of them could ever or had ever loved me. I took my medicine and slept for as long as I could bear. 

EDINBURGH

Olivia was texting me, and kept me distracted for much of the train journey, but the coldness rose up my throat and choked me, and when I stepped into the station something inside me collapsed. I was shaky, but I walked until the sun hit me, and then I found Josh and Rowan. It was hard, but I forced myself to focus, and concentrated with all of my might on where I was and who they were, and then I was okay. My hands shook while I ate lemon tart in Costa, at the same table I’d sat at when I’d seen Holly at the beginning of October. Rowan was gentle and I looked at her and not out of the window at the city. By the time Elyse had arrived, I was stable. 

We made it to the cathedral early, and the sunshine was streaming through the stained-glass and I was teasing Josh and Rowan about their affection for each other. We found Gordon immediately, then Kate, then Tembu, and I made Kerridge’s lip bleed when I jumped into a hug with her, and when I caught Ley-Anne she said “Did you bring the posters? Good. Oh yeah - also hello, and I love you.”  

Tembu chose Josh and me to represent SEC youth in a video for General Synod. The producers recorded me describing my experiences with faith, then followed me around with a camera for a while. We knelt down to write our favourite memories from camp on a huge paper banner. We squashed around a table littered with chainmail materials and Tembu brandished pliers. We ate lunch with the Glen DVDs blaring in the background, cries of nostalgia and joy echoing from every direction. Finally, we were herded into an ante-chapel where Claire Starr sat wielding a copy of Winnie the Pooh. Time for a little something. Kiron, Tembu’s youngest, climbed over my lap restlessly until I scooped him up and we headed outside to run around. 

I found Aidan and Hannah, Rebecca and Iain gaggled together underneath the cathedral, singing. Samuel climbed the wall and stood miles above us. Rebecca and I breezed into the ceilidh hall to watch the band set up. I saw Claire BE rush her way into a red dress and hurry back into the throng like a hero to organise it all. When Andrew arrived, everything felt warmer. I’d missed my best friend. I danced all but one dance, sweated and laughed and jumped and whooped and ran. There is nothing more fun than a ceilidh. There is no better way to wallow in the experience of your love for your friends. 

Emily guided me to the tomato quiche and stuffed me with samosas, and Rachel and Claire congratulated me on my recovery in the cold dark outside where we drank water and Taylor smoked. I was in my element all evening, making everyone laugh, and I was never lost for words. I feel like I am becoming myself again. I am better. 

We roared Auld Lang Syne and charged at each other in a messy overexcited throng. Rebecca was so lit up and happy, and I felt exactly how she looked. I was so lighthearted. The delegates left and the leaders pulled chairs into a wide, messy circle, pulling out beers and wine and cider, chatting excitedly. I chucked an ice pack at my twisted ankle, grinning wildly and teasing Taylor, yelling protests at anyone who made a face at my Lambrini. “Get a fucking life, Thalia!” “It costs £1.50, ya dick!” 

For to see her was to love her! Love but her, and love forever!

We entertained each other with stories and jokes and games. Before the circle finally dissipated into several groups, Mark got up and sang Ae Fond Kiss. His voice filled the room and I watched as everyone closed their eyes, sat back, let it spill over them. I felt lucky. I feel lucky.

Kirsty and I shrieked with laughter twenty times per conversation, and Kerridge ranted about her overwhelming affection for me only three ciders in. Ley-Anne and I spoke quietly about all that had happened to us and I plaited her hair. I felt the night come in strong as I flitted between the clusters of my friends, laughing and chatting to each and every one of them. I drank Taylor’s rum and we held hands and giggled with Neil for hours on end. We charged into the kitchen area at three A.M like animals to a watering hole to eat bread and red velvet cake, and then I grabbed my blanket and we settled down on the floor and finally fell asleep. 

We woke because we were cold. My teeth chattered, and we climbed first to the thermostat and then to the plate of leftover quiche. Hannah ambled over to sit in front of our radiator, grumbling up a storm with sleep in her eyes. Everything was so easy. When did everything get so easy? 

Mark addressed the cathedral and told us all that Glen fuels his ministry. Tembu thanked us and God for the camp. I am so lucky. I am so lucky. Samuel and I read the intercessions and I gave Andrew the card I made for him and Rachel. It took so long to extricate myself from the group - farewell hugs occupied us for fifteen minutes. I can’t believe I once feared I’d never be back with these friends. I headed down Princes Street in the brilliant sunlight to find Jodie and Rebecca in the gardens. We ate lunch under a tree and chatted a little sleepily but so happily. 

I am tired now, but I can see how fast I’m improving. I want to feel ambitious again, and I’m working so hard. I’m really, really proud of myself. 

[westward-detective]

Best and worst thing about kudo? Go!

Hah, lots'a kudo related asks, huh? I'd say Kudo's best trait is probably his resilience. He goes through a lot fer somebody his age. It makes you want 'ta get better and put up more of a fight. However... its also his worst trait. He just doesn't know when to call quits on things sometimes. Sure, im reckless an' all, but he may be more than i am!

[westward-detective]

Hey!

People share music on websites like this right? yeah of course they do. anyways, uh-

Ive got some music mixed up for y'all to listen too! I update it a bit sometimes so you may hear something new every now and then! cheers!

[westward-detective]

Hattori San, I have a question. Kudo over bros, or bros over Kudo? (Kudo does not count as a bro, we both know this, he counts as his own entity.)

...Kudo

[westward-detective]

What are you thinking of majoring in for college? 🤔

I'd been debatin' on if I should go ta college fer a bit. One one hand, It'd be good ta experience campus life, and ease me inta livin' on my own in an academic setting. I could take courses fer forensics (because even in college I'd be doin' my passion) and criminal psychology while gettin ta know people. On the other hand, i'd like ta get workin' in the force as soon as possible so I can put my skills ta use. Which would include goin' to tha police academy. If I went ta college, I'd have ta wait until I got my degree ta sign up, which would be forever. If I do go ta college, i'd probably major in Criminology, maybe take a few creative classes on tha side...

[westward-detective]

do you view Conan as a little brother figure?????🧐🧐🧐

The kid? nah, i'd say he's a bit more like a sidekick, or a good pal, than a brother. Although i bet he'd say im like an anoyin' cousin if you asked him... sigh beggers cant be choosers though.

[westward-detective]

got any cases recently?

mmm... not really. Its actually been kinda slow right now... but hey if ya got a case i'll gladly take it up! Just send an ask, alright?

[westward-detective]

Hi!! How are you :)

I'm doin' pretty good Anonymous! My schools just ended recently and i don' have any kendo tourneys until next month, so im just takin' in the sights of Osaka (oh, great Osaka) while i plan a trip for some friends of mine. They're from Tokyo, so i thought i'd show them some places they hadn't seen before when they came around 'gain.

I'd share a picture of the bridge im on right now, but its a little crowded for me ta' take a good picture. Just imagine a bridge and a sunset, it'l probably be better than my photography skills! hah.

[westward-detective]

A Kudo tag? May I be so bold to inquire how many time you expect to yap about Kudo that you need an exclusive tag for that Mr detective?

Ah! Caught red handed!

I talk a bit about kudo i guess... i was jus' settin up tags for people who i chat about frequently or who people ask me about a lot. But i dont yapp!

[westward-detective]

What's your favorite ice cream flavour?:)

Rocky road with cherries. Its pretty good.