#charles leclerc sad

[spicyclover]

Motherhood

Summary:  When did it start? In the bathroom of a hotel room in Bahrain? No, before. In the pits of a car race when you were six. « Hi, I’m Pierre. ». Would it have started there? On the first date? On the first kiss? On the first « I love you »? We were happy; we were in love. We were alone in the world. All it took was one smile to make my heart burst. All it took was one look. We were free, unconscious. And that day, he told me. « I want a child with you. ». Out of desire, out of love, out of madness, I said, « Do it to me. » Well, it really all started there. 

Part one | Part two | Part three | Part four 

Hope you’ll enjoy this part. Let me know in the comments section! And to support me by tipping me!

I'm open to requests.

Little information, I will, for now, only post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Thank you, and Enjoy! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

WARNING: miscarriages, physical, verbal and mental abuse. +16

If you are the victim of abuse of any kind. Please. Seek help. Your safety and your life are important. A person who hurts you mentally, physically or verbally is not a good person. Call a friend, a family member or the special number of your country to get HELP. 

Disclaimer: All references to aggression and violence are fictitious. This story is fiction and has no correlation with reality. All site names making acts, violence or any other type of aggression are used for artistic purposes, and they did not commit those acts.

Thank you and enjoy reading <3

For some time now, you and Pierre have become strangers to each other. What once brought you together only makes you separate more today. This passion, this fugue of love and tenderness, quickly gave way to routine. Locking you in the vicious circle of a mundane daily. Pierre always hates having the same pattern all the time, constantly changing. 

You have allowed your friendship to grow more vital and significant for three years. I mean, that’s what you thought. He quickly grew weary of his promises and eventually regretted his choices about you. Locking himself in a relationship he never wanted to see grow. Yet in the first year, his love was present in all his being. He loved you. Yes, that’s for sure. Does he still love you? No.

After spending the night driving you crazy, you went to the Paddock with little eyes. You’re sunglasses on your eyes keep people from noticing the black eye. Pierre was never violent towards you at first. Lately, he makes you regret everything he regrets. Everything he can’t say. They’re just little slaps, but your body freezes over every one of them, waiting for the next one in tears.

The Spielberg circuit is well located, which allows you to have a little privacy between the different hospitalities. Not long ago, you found out you were pregnant again. That little piece of hope that you hold onto to keep you afloat. After all, that’s what he wants, right?

You go along the back of the hospitality of Aston Martin when a sharp pain in the lower abdomen folds you in half. The cramp is long and painful. You close your eyes to concentrate, to allow you to pass the pain. However, your mind is wandering. It is again going into this vicious circle that you have experienced too many times, too many times alone.

You straighten up after a few minutes of sharp pain and notice by opening your eyes that a blood stain has formed in your crotch. You mumble while closing a consecutive « no.» Your tears flow, but you can’t do anything about it. Your eyes look around for a place to hide from this atrocious moment. However, your eyes stop on your friend, your best childhood friend, Charles.

He’s alone and concentrates on his warm-up exercises when he notices your presence. He looks at you quickly and sees that you are not feeling well. He stops and approaches you quickly.

The weird thing about Charles is that you’ve always gotten along very well. Ever since you were little, you’ve grown up together. You have the same passion, only him to continue where you preferred studies. You lost sight of each other until you and Pierre got into a relationship three years earlier. Pierre, too, is a childhood friend, but it has never been as close as with Charles. After all, Charles was your first love. He doesn’t know it, but seeing him go out with those other girls has always hurt you, especially when you’ve been in love with him that long. When you saw him again for the first time after several years, your heart went crazy, and you felt terrible about Pierre, but you said nothing, and as always, you pretended that nothing had happened. After all, nothing happened.

"What’s wrong?" Ask Charles. He walks up to you, supports you, and holds your shoulder.

You hesitate for a moment. Lie to him or tell him the truth. You feel so alone from the beginning of this journey, and seeing him so attentive and compassionate breaks down your barriers. You burst into tears, and you cling to him like a lifeline. He takes you in his arms, the misunderstanding on his face.

« I’m having a miscarriage. » You mumble in his blow and feel another cramp coming.

« Oh my God, do you want me to go get Pierre? » He gently detaches from you to start leaving, but you hold him by the collar.

«  No! » You exclaim by holding him. « No! Especially not. He does not know... He does not know that I am... That I was pregnant. »

« But… »

« No buts! Can you help me to the nearest bathroom, please? » 

He nods, tying his jacket around your waist, and you head to the bathroom. You hold Charles' arm firmly, holding you by the waist. Fortunately, no one notices you, and you enter the small room together. With each step you take, you feel the blood running down your legs, and it is only when the door is closed that you burst into tears. Your glasses fall to the ground, and Charles notices the black eye. Your hand in front of your face twisted with pain, and you cling to the hound. Charles doesn’t know what to do but gently caresses your back, whispering reassuring words. The cramp stops, and you lean on the wall to walk the last few meters to sit on the toilet.

« Can you help me? » You ask him to unbutton your pants, but your hands shake, and you can’t calm your panic. 

He approaches and undoes the button, being careful not to hurt you. He feels terrible because he doesn’t know what to do or how to help you through this. Everything is rushing in his head, and he doesn’t understand why Pierre isn’t here and why you have a black eye. He pulls your pants down to your ankles. You feel embarrassed about her touching you, but the situation is too strange for you to care more about. Blood flows on his hands, and he makes a disgusting face. You close your eyes. After all, you can’t blame him. You’re practically naked, your vagina’s dripping with your child’s blood, and you’re in total panic.

He takes a breath and gets up again. He skirts you to put papers on the toilet to make it more hygienic for you. He finally helps you sit down and kneels before you, keeping his arms around your frail body.

« Are you sure you don’t want me to pick up Pierre? » He asks, taking your hand in hers when a new cramp bends you in half.

« I don’t want to be alone again. » Your voice breaks, and you cry.

« It happened before? » 

You nod your head, unable to say a word. He takes toilet paper, and you blow your nose in it. You’re struggling to get your breath back and shivering for a while before you go on.

« I stopped telling him after my third miscarriage. » You whisper shamefully. « Anyway, he’d rather have fun with Kika than be there for me. » Your words are hard and hurt you, but Charles-Charles has always been there for you.

The pain intensifies, and you moan in pain by firmly grasping Charles' arm. Charles is rocking you, trying to find reassuring words after you confessed to him. He’s trying to bring you comfort that you seem to have lost a long time ago. He suddenly feels guilty that he did not notice your distress and that you had to endure this ordeal so many times, and nothing appeared. He knows very well that Pierre no longer has any feelings for you, and it is only a matter of time before he announces it to you, but Charles cannot help feeling bad. Seeing you in so much pain and doing this all alone hurts his heart.

« Last night, he hit me in the face, and it’s not the first time….» You confess by touching the beautiful black eye with your fingertips. « We argued, and he struck me. He can’t even apologize. He left, probably to join her. He didn’t come back until early this morning. Without a look, without a word. » 

Shocked, Charles spreads his eyelids, and a deaf anger inhabits him. He never thought his friend would be able to do that, but the proof is in front of him. He knows you’ve never been a liar, and he knows it won’t do you any good to do it. 

« I didn’t say anything because I knew no one would believe me. » You empty your bag a lot full. « I stopped telling him about my pregnancies when he preferred to go have fun with you and your brothers on the second instead of staying with me. » You sniff loudly. Cramps are coming, but you feel the end is near.

You hold on to Charles like a lifeline, like he’s the line that holds you to the surface. He caresses your back gently and feels your body contracting and relaxing. Your sobs stop, and your face tightens. The fetus has passed. Like a blood clot, your body expels it. You begin to tremble, realizing that this is the end of this little being. Fell into Paddock’s public toilet. Charles heard the splash the fetus made. It’s a horrible sound played in a loop in his head. It’s awful," he thinks, wanting to cover his ears to get the sound out of his head.

« It’s over. » You announce by pressing the clans. You dissociate from the situation. Your movements are mechanical, as you have so often done. Tears flow down your cheeks, but no sound comes out. The desire to be alone and more than present. « Get out! » You order, Charles.

« But… » 

« Get out! » You yell at him, pushing him away.

Charles leaves the cabin and room wholly disturbed. He finds himself alone outside the small place and is inspired not to be sick. The noise, the sound of your crying, comes back to him, and he feels sick to think that this is not the first time you have experienced this. He wants to leave this place, but he knows. He realizes how much you need him right now. He takes his phone and makes some phone calls.

You stay locked up for another 20 minutes. After you start the toilet, you alone mourned the loss of this new little lost being, grieving once again over what he might have become. Then you wiped yourself, cleaning the blood. You finally washed your underwear by drying it with the dryer and ended up with your pants. You looked in the mirror for a few minutes to collect your thoughts and clean up your makeup.

With your eyes closed, you promise yourself that this is the last time. The last time you’re going through this. The last time you let him do this to you. You finally leave the bathroom and are surprised to see Charles waiting.

« You don’t have to be alone. »  He says, pulling you in his arms and squeezing you tightly. « Come on, let’s go back to the hotel. » 

« The free practices? » You ask with a broken voice.

« I warned that I couldn’t be there. Don’t worry. You don’t have to be alone, ever. » Says he by spreading a strand of your face. « You’re more than a body and don’t deserve this treatment. If I see this asshole, I’ll blow his face off. » He puts back your glasses on. 

You are grateful to have him by your side. It’s been so long since someone has been so kind to you. You cross the Paddock with Charles' jacket on your shoulders, his arms around your waist to support you and keep you close to him. He’s afraid you’ll collapse. You have to go through the whole complex to get to the parking lot, so several people notice you, but you are quickly surrounded by members of the Ferrari team who are blocking everyone.

You pass the Alpine stable, and Pierre is outside with some of his team members, talking when he sees you. He quickly realizes that something has happened and that he must look good for the cameras.

« Y/n! » He comes running, pretending to be worried.

« Don’t come closer! » Charles exclaims between you and him. « I think you’ve done enough. »

Pierre ignores him and tries to grab your arm, but you hide behind Charles, like an armour. Joris and Andrea form a shield around you, which strongly annoys Pierre, who looks nervously around him. Some journalists are looking at the scene in the distance. Pierre gets nervous and does the only thing he knows best, causing drama.

« Y/n, what’s going on? Are you cheating on me with him? Is that it? You had a good time with him. Dirty whore. »

His words hurt you, and all you want to do is go away, get away from here and away from him. However, you don’t have time to replicate anything that Charles catches him by the collar and the plate on the ground. He inserts a straight line, which automatically bleeds him from the nose. Charles’s mechanics are quick to respond, and they grab Charles quickly. The situation escalated, and Pierre smirked, knowing he had pissed him off.

« Tu fermes ta gueule ou je te l’éclate! Did you get it? You look at her, and I fucking smash your face off! » Yell Charles, trying to get free.

You cry and watch the world come forward to watch the confrontation. Pierre gets up and looks down at you. His gaze stops on your crotch, where you start bleeding again, and he understands. He walks towards you, but you step away. You lose your balance, and Joris catches you before you fall. Charles throws a death stare at Pierre before he takes you by the arm and pulls you away to the car. You sob when you sit in the car. A panic attack takes hold, and your breathing is short. You panic. The blood keeps coming out, and you know you’ll dirty Charles' beautiful car.

« Shush, shush, shush. That’s okay. He’s a dick. He’s a dick. » Charles mumbles trying to calm you down once you settle in the car. He starts the engine and leaves the circuit.

« I ruin your car, » you pour between sobs.

« What? »

« I stain on your seat. » You said, pointing to the blood stain. 

« It’s no big deal, but really no big deal. » He chuckles a bit. He puts his hand on your thighs, slowly stroking it. « It’s okay. It’s okay. » 

The rest of the ride is quiet. You finally calm down, and your tears stop. You watch the landscape pass before your eyes. You’re tired, real tired. You can’t wrap your mind around what happened earlier, but the car's engine relaxes you and makes you forget your misery momentarily. You blush by feeling Charles' hand on your thigh, but you like to make constant contact that reminds you that you’re not alone.

He finally helps you get to his hotel room. The first thing you ask for is a shower. You need to wash. You sit under the jet of water and let the water absorb your thoughts. Your knees folded on you, and you cry again. You watch the blood run down the pipe.

Charles is behind the door. He just hung up on Joris, begging him to go to your hotel room and get your stuff. At the same time, he asked her to bring back vanilla ice cream and hygienic products. Leaning against the wall, he listens to your tears that break his heart. After several minutes, he hears knocking at the door and opens it. Joris hands him your suitcase and the racing bag. Charles would have been fine to go to your room, but he has no desire to let you fall alone. 

He looks in your bag for comfortable clothes, but nothing seems acceptable to him. He takes one of his joggers and a T-shirt. He knocks on the door gently and hears you choking a sob again. He hesitates to come in and hug you for a moment, but he knows you need to find yourself.

« Yes? » You ask.

« I have some clothes for you. »

« Enter. » You wrap yourself in the only towel and step out of the shower. 

He enters at the same time, dodging a look through the mirror of your naked body. He notices some blue on your ribs. You raise your red eyes to him and accept the clothes. You give him a weak smile to reassure him.

« Uhm… » He clears his throat before continuing. « I got you some clothes, and Joris went to the store for us. He bought you some pads. I didn’t know what would be appropriate. I-I don’t… I don’t know what. »

« It’s okay, Charles. It’s perfect. » You whisper, hugging him tightly. 

Your head resting on his chest, you listen to the beating of his heart. They comfort you and do you good. You take the stuff and tell Charles to get out. You put them on, and the smell of Charles intoxicates you. You are somewhat surprised, but you like this little attention from him. You look at yourself in the mirror, and what you see makes you sad. After all, you are now a simple girl, lost and unhappy. A feeling of sadness takes hold of you, but you suddenly close your eyes, not to let tears escape again. Oh yeah, you hate Pierre for doing that to you, breaking you into a thousand pieces and throwing you into a river of hate.

You come out of the bathroom and find Charles sitting on the bed with food, which he probably ordered in the meantime. You notice that it is only your favourite dishes, and you smile and join him. You spend most of the evening watching series, enjoying each other’s presence. You don’t have to tell yourself much for the other person to understand. You end up slowly falling asleep, and Morpheus calls you. Charles notices quickly and slips you under the covers, tucking you in like a child. You love the comfort and reassuring gestures your parents made many times when you were little.

He caresses your hair and guides you more toward sleep. His last words lull you into a deep sleep.

« You’ll never be alone again. I promise you. I’ll be right with you, amour… »

To be continued...

[formulanni]

Now I know how Joan of Arc felt,,,

(Variations below the cut)

Tag list (lmk if you want to be added!): @st-leclerc

[stickybowl]

just the two of us

chat is it gay to shake hands with your teammate for a really long time while gazing at his eyes then try to high five each other just to pull yourself closer to said teammate before you fix his race suit and pat his chest?

[mindontheclouds]

"And you throw your head back laughing

like a little kid"

[countingstars-17]

Charles in the media pen watching George's crash, Singapore GP 2023

[slythereen]

ollie using 500 emojis to talk about charles doing well in his socmed take over 😭 he’s so funny my little lecfosi baby

[charlesleclerrc]

Carlos Sainz Jr. and Charles Leclerc attend "Gladiator II" The Royal Film Performance and Global Premiere.

[xannyyxy]

he can’t stop falling in love with weird sad guys

[maxcuntstappen]

F1 via The Interwebs™️ (x) (trash animal edition)

[superm4ks]

But now? I only move to move. - Fiona Apple, on I go

[spicyclover]

No one can hurt you

Summary : A dinner of revelation and tragedy.

Hope you’ll enjoy it. Let me know in the comment section.

Thank you! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

DISCLAIMER : Rewrite and final version of "All the things you said" | Netflix show: One Day at the Time | Elena’s Story part | Season 3, ep 2.  WARNING: mention of physical and verbal aggression! Su*c*de WARNING !R@PE! WARNING: mention of SU*C*DE WARNING TOUGH CONTENT, BE AWARE

DISCLAIMER:  This story is fiction and has no correlation with reality. All site names making acts, violence or any other type of aggression are used for artistic purposes, and they did not commit those acts

If you need help. Please get help. You are loved, and your life is valued. Even if you don’t see it, you are loved.

The Monaco Grand Prix is in a few days and you will be slowly preparing for tonight’s dinner. Charles decided to organize a small evening for the pilots and their respective companions. It is in a magnificent hotel overlooking the sea that Charles booked the room and privatized the chef of the restaurant. The luxurious life of Monaco in its greatest fullness, you are always amazed by all the secrets that this small principality shelters.

You were third-wheeling your best friend Heidi to that party. She and Daniel invited you after running into you in the afternoon at the marina. Since you were little you know most of the pilots. So you are happy to have been invited to celebrate this new year of racing in Monaco with them. The evening was going well until the subject of the conversation crumbled into something darker.

“I gotta admit, I’m getting kind of confused.” Ends up saying, Checo rubbing his nose with his glass. 

“Oh, my god, me too. What if someone says, “I am not sleeping with you tonight?” And then... an hour later, they’re like, “Eh, fine.” What’s that?” Ask Lando, completely confused. 

“Unsurprising,” Pierre whispers under his breath, laughing. You laugh at with him, ignoring Lando's thunder.

“How many women have said, “Eh, fine”?” Questions Heidi sarcastically. 

“Yeah, I got to make some calls.”

“Now I’m perplexed.” Says Max trying to make sense of everything he heard. 

“I know. It’s confusing. I hate to admit it, but I feel sorry for men. This consent thing is tricky.” Kelly responded and gets up to pour herself more wine. 

“No.” You exclaim annoyed by her comment. “Women always blame themselves, and then the man never has to take responsibility. During rape prevention week at the university, all the signs are aimed at women. “Girls, don’t dress provocatively. Girls, don’t walk alone.” How about, “Hey, guys, don’t rape.”" You look up at Pierre knowing perfectly it will trigger him.

“Oh, my god, why are we talking about that? I took a couple pictures as a joke, and Cece thought it was funny.” Pierre exclaims as he gets up from his chair to get himself another beer at the bar. 

“Did she? Or did she feel like she had to laugh ‘cause she doesn’t know what else to do with your hand on her boob?” Everyone around the table falls silent and waits. You get up from your chair and walk you way to Pierre.

“Ok, sweetie, take it easy.” Adds Sebastian taking your arm and tries to calm the conversation.

“No. He thinks what he did is cute. You are basically a predator.” You accuse, pointing your finger at him. 

“You’re basically a psycho.” Pierre replies, knowing full well it will trigger you.

“Good, call me crazy for defending a woman’s right not to be groped!”

“You’re mad ‘cause the internet told you to be. You don’t know my life or even leave this apartment!” Pierre screams as he approaches you.

“Because of guys like you!” You answer with the same intonation. 

“What are you talking about?” Charles asks, taking your hand for you to sit down.

You and Charles are special. You’ve been like ass and shirt since childhood. You’ve known him since you were six. For as long as you can remember, Charles has always been one of your dearest childhood friends. You have shared so much together. No one has ever made you vibrate like he does. Usually his simple touch makes you calmer and reassuring. But you are no longer able to appreciate this contact that you cherish so much.

“You want to know?” You said, scoffing. “Okay. A couple of weeks ago, Heidi and I were coming home from the movies, and we were holding hands. And we noticed these guys staring at us, and then we changed the sidewalks , and they followed us.” You speak with tears in your eyes. 

“What?” Sebastian says concerned in his voice. His turn your body to him.

“Yes. And they were going, “Come one, you guys, kiss. We really wanna see it. Just kiss.” They thought that was really funny, too.” You continue telling while drinking a sip of your glass.

“It was actually terrifying.” Ends up adding Heidi after Daniel stares at her intently. 

“It was terrifying. And then we finally lost them in a crowd and ran home...” You finish in a huff trying to hold back your tears. Your hand hides your eyes and you try at best to find your calm.

Charles, in his divine goodness, hastens to extinguish you warmly. At first, his touch hurts you and you have only one desire to remove his hands from your dirty body. Yet you cling to him like a lifeline. Deep down, you know it's time. Time to tell what happened that night, a year ago. Nobody dares to speak at your revelation and everyone feels guilty for not knowing sooner.

“Umm... Last year after the Monaco Grand Prix. Lance Stroll raped me. He was my friend, and he raped me in my own bedroom. And then, he threatened me not to tell anyone... but. Why did he do this?” You ask breaking down in tears. “Sorry, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what... I feel.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sebastian asks tenderly, approaching you rubbing his hand on your back. 

“I tried, but... nobody listened to me.” You respond looking at Lando through your tears. Your eyes pierce Lando’s being. He doesn’t know where to put himself and his cheeks become red. He implores you to keep your mouth shut, but the situation no longer belongs to you. You feel the body of Charles being redeemed against yours and you notice that he followed your gaze.

“You knew.” He accuses Lando turning his attention abruptly towards him.

“I... I.” He tries to defend himself. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Oh, you think she knew what to do either.” He yells, getting up from his chair and grabbing him by the collar. 

“Charles, let him go!” Orders Carlos. 

“You let her suffer silently when you knew what he did to her. I thought you were better than this. T’es qu’une grosse merde.” You’re a piece of shit

“Oh please, like you would have done something? We all know he’s untouchable and has done it before.” Admitted Lando, pushing Charles away. 

“What?” Sebastian speaks up. This is the first time he has heard this from his former teammate. He never thought he would ever see Lance in this light.

“Nothing.” 

“It’s nothing? He raped her, and now other girls too?” Charles advances again, preventing him from fleeing the situation.

“Don't play fouls, Charles. You were in his hotel room at the party in Abu Dhabi last year, and I quite remember your hands on some teenage girls, groping them.” He said suddenly, pushing Charles out of his way again.

“What?” You speak up, troubled by Lando's affirmation.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Charles turns to you, trying to explain himself. You get up from your chair and walk back as you see him approach.

“Don’t touch me.” You say, pushing him away. “Did you do it?”

“I... It’s not the same thing.” He justified himself.

“Yes. It actually is. Did you grope those teenage girls or worse raped them?” You ask scandalized. Charles, your best friend, your confidant, the one you most trust is capable of the same thing as the person who hurt you the most.

“Oui,” he admits in a small voice. “I didn’t want to.”

“You didn’t want to? What the fuck, Charles. What's wrong with you all?” You yell, taking your stuff and leaving as fast as possible. 

The thought of all this happening to so many more makes you sick. How could nobody speak up about this? You walk down the hotel hallway. You can hear footsteps and Charles's voice telling you to come back. When you get to the lobby, you ask for a taxi home. Tears fall down your cheeks, and you look at him as you push the door out. 

You take your taxi and give him your address. All you want right now is a shower. A warm and reassuring shower. To pull away all those memories and thoughts. You want to scream to the world. You want to smash your entire apartment down. You want to stay in bed for the rest of your life. You want to jump off the roof. You want to cut yourself so that the pain stops. You want to be set free.

You arrive at the complex. Your dark thought runs in circles in your head. Like a robot, you open the door, press the elevator, and finally unlock your apartment. You let your essentials fall on the ground with your bag and coat. Like a machine, you take your shoes off and open the lights. 

The sight of your home, which does not feel like home anymore. Since Lance pushes himself into you while you try to make him go away, this place hasn’t felt like home. You can’t even sleep in your own bed anymore. No matter how many times you clean the sheets, change the bed. This memory comes running back into your mind. Invade you like a parasite. 

You go to the bathroom and open the valve to fill the bathtub. You watch the water. You can hear your phone blowing up with notifications and calls. “Why does this world have to be this cruel?” You think, taking your clothes off. 

Your body envelops itself in the heat of the water, and you close your eyes. Your body slips in the bath. You head underwater. You hear focusing on your heart bit. You enjoy this moment of quietness and solitude. 

That’s it. You feel alone since that night he took your joy, your life, yourself. 

You can feel the water pressure you to gasp for air. Your head starts popping your blood. Your heart rises to find oxygen. You struggle. You have been struggling this long. You want to go, and you want to let go. 

You let the water go in, and suddenly, all the scary parts disappear. The explosion in your head fades away, and you’re not scared anymore. You find it relatively peaceful. Very peaceful. 

Strangely, you’re dreaming. Him with you. On a boat. Feeling the breeze in your hair. The warm sun on your skin. His light touches on your thigh. His breath on your neck. His lips are on your breast. You’re daydreaming. Are you? Is your mind trying to ease the pain in your heart? Is it even the day? 

Then. You open your eyes. You try to scream, but your head is under the water. You feel weak but strong. Sick but healthy. Chaos but at peace. You can feel your body wiggling, but your mind is different. No one can hurt you now. Quietly, your eyelids become heavy again, and what a moment ago hurt you the most now makes you feel good.

The water fills your lungs, and you sink more and more into the darkness. Nobody seems to pull you up. The seconds pass, but you no longer find the courage to go out. The bathtub disappears, and you find yourself in the sea. In a warm and welcoming sea; The Mediterranean. An infinity of blue. An infinity of sweetness. The noises are only deaf sounds, and you feel your brain more and more calm. The sun’s rays pass through the water, and you move further and further away from it. Your eyelids become more and more stretched.

Then you see beautiful blue eyes through the water. No fair. You can’t reach them but can’t stop staring at those ocean-blue eyes. Suddenly, you feel scared. Scared to leave those ocean eyes. You’re afraid, and you’re drowning under the waves of words you haven’t said to them, to you. 

You try to fight back this peaceful state, but darkness is an easier path than light. Suddenly the silence suffocates you, and you miss the sound surrounding you. 

Then comes the darkness.

When you leave the apartment, Sebastian watches Charles running after you. He can’t believe what has happened. He doesn’t want to consider it. How could he? He sees and goes to the door, and Charles is defeated on the ground. He passes by without a look and walk his way to the lobby. 

You have always been a fragile child. Even when you were a child. You were always this little fragile and precious porcelain doll. You’ve never been afraid of anything growing up. Sebastian always loved to see you grow up with him. Despite your age difference, he always considered you his little sister. The little one who needs to be protected from everything and at any cost. Knowing that you are suffering so much hurts him.

In the hallway, the walk seems long and endless, his thoughts wandering toward your shared memories. He remembers many summers spent in the countryside. At your grandparents' meadow, there was a vast field with a few horses grazing on the fresh grass. He remembers that beautiful-eyed little girl running in his direction.

You had dirt all over your clothes. Your hair was braided, and he still remembers the grass sticking in it. He remembers your laughter, which lit up the prairie thousands of miles away. Hearing you laugh has always been his favourite thing about you. Lost, it’s only when the doors block his way out that he remembers he has to go looking for you. He runs through the night towards your apartment.

Charles is devastated. Everything he tried to build with you has just broken in a moment. He feels lonely and ashamed. He wants you to know how much he loves you. How much you mean to him. How much you have become the center of his universe.

Before you, there was racing, and that was it. When you became something more his life change. It was as if you had lit the dormant fire in him. You have extinguished the flame since the death of his best companion, his father. You have given meaning to this quest. The stakes are not won but won for you.

He still remembers the first time he took you to his garage. You were with Sebastian. He was showing you around the Ferrari factory, showing you the different facilities, different parts. You were so captivated by his words, and your eyes were shining like stars in the sky. 

He remembers the moment when your eyes landed on him. The smile you had, and the dress you wore and the clip in your hair. He counts you. Unable to say anything. Captivated by your beauty.

“Hi, Charlie.” You said in your beautiful voice. 

He stuttered and blushed heavily. You laughed gently before putting your lips on each of his cheeks. He likes a kiss, and no, he likes your kisses. 

A hand falls on his shoulder, and he sees Pierre. Tears in his eyes prevent him from distinguishing himself perfectly, but he recognizes his friend.

“Don’t worry. She’ll come back.” He says softly. Taking him by the shoulders to lift him up and bring him back to the room. 

The others are still there. Confused and shaken, no one speaks. Silence reigns in the room, and no one knows what to say. Charles opens the patio door and leaves the fresh night air in the room. The city slowly began to calm down, and he heard the waves regularly hitting the harbour.

Daniel gets up and gets rid of the table. Putting this party away may make us forget the events that occurred. Heidi and Kelly help him while the others put orders in the room. No one dares to go to see Charles.

The hour passes quickly, and some decide to leave. They quickly greet the last remaining. Pierre observes his friend, who has not moved, and still looks at the sea.

It’s only when Charles' phone starts ringing that he looks away. He calmly enters the room and answers.

“Hello?”

You always liked the fields. You always loved hiding in the big wheat fields surrounding your grandparents' house when you were little. This stretch of yellow was as far as the eye could see. You liked feeling the stems between your fingers, the seeds melting to your touch, and the particular smell of wheat.

You remember a hot summer day. Lying on a tablecloth after a picnic, nature calms by this overwhelming heat, especially the calm of this yellow and green nature. You remember the farmer who held the farm. You spent days watching him working. Helping him through the mould. Watching him turn wheat powder into cereal. You remember this great man, always with a grain of wheat in his mouth that was constantly chewing.

You remember the hum that bees made at work. From wheat to wheat, pollen is harvested. You remember the nests in the hives that you created one summer. Your grandfather, with his jumpsuit, would go every morning and inspect the nests, and you loved watching him do it. You also loved to taste honey with each harvest. Honey is good. It’s sweet. It’s sweet. It’s wild.

You remember Sebastian. His blond hair, his smile, the sound of his kart engine. Many hours passed in his company at the track with his dad. You remember your big brother, following him and Sebastian all day long, like the annoying little sister you were. You remember falling from a tree after the boys thought it was a great idea to climb it. You see your brother jumping down the tree to get to you and hear Sebastian running back to the house to get help. You spent the night at the hospital. You broke your arms that summer, and you had a commotion. Your parents were furious and punished your brother for the rest of the vacation. 

You remember your first winter in the mountains. Mornings skiing, and afternoons making snowmen, eating maple syrup, drinking hot chocolate, just playing in the snow. See your happy brother’s face after he managed to get the last pancake.

You remember Sebastian’s victories. To see him move up from category to category. You remember his encounter with Hanna. You love Hanna. She is so sweet and kind. You remember your great jealousy towards her from the height of your twelve years. She who steals your Sebastian. She who steals your second brother. Oh yes, you were jealous, but she knew how to win your heart, and after all, she stayed.

You remember the Ferrari years. Everyone was in red. You saw the world with red glasses. Red like love. Red like anger. Red as the colour. Red as blood. It’s kind of at this time, when adolescence really starts that you start to change. Physically, mentally, and spiritually, you were no longer the wise little girl your parents admired and your brother despised. No, you grew up making mistakes, a lot of mistakes, until you met him.

Him. The golden boy. The one destined to be great.

You remember his perfume, his smell, his laughter, his mimics, his way of speaking, his way of being and his way of simply being. He intimidated you so much; this guy was destined for something big. Whereas you, we never expected much from you besides being pretty, lovely, not disturbing, quiet, and reserved.

Quiet. 

Reserved. 

Pretty. 

In those words, your brain falls into the dark side of your life. The darkened side of time. Painful and unhappy memories. The memories of him, the one who once was your best friend. He who once was your confidant. He who once saw fit to r*pe you.

To find you after the Grand Prix, in your apartment, in your house, in your home. To be a little too drunk, surely. To hold you firmly. To put his lips on yours. To hold your wrists. To put all his weight on your body. To force you into bed. To beg him to stop. To cry in silence. To feel it in you. To feel dirty. To feel unloved.

To feel alone, so lonely, too lonely. 

To find yourself curled up in a ball in a corner. To wait until morning for him to leave. To want to end your life. To end your nights. To seek help. To be abandoned. To be alone. To be dirty. To be silent. To be reserved. To be pretty.

To be pretty. 

To be pretty. 

To be. 

Silent is all you ask for. 

It’s been a long night. The hours have been staggering. The noises of monitors, nurses, doctors, and ambulances invade their ears. No one speaks, and no one dares speak. It is as if a white veil covers the weighing atmosphere and borrows all those present.

The wait is long, too long. They wait patiently for the outcome of this atrocious night, something that does not happen. Sebastian holds his head in his hands, tears have finished flowing, but his eyes are still red. He feels bad. He feels immense guilt. This mixture of shame, sadness, contempt and anger is eating him increasingly as the hours pass and pass before his eyes. He blames himself for not coming sooner. He blames himself for not holding you back. He blames himself for not seeing. He blames himself.

Full of life and ardour, this little girl was smothered under this icy water. Frozen in time. Only the repetitive sound of drops escaping from the pipe disrupted this freezing scene. She hides all her problems behind her smile. Never in his life has he thought of having this vision of you. This pure horror vision of an act yet so courageous. Because it takes courage to think about yourself before thinking about others. It takes courage to put yourself forward and not others. It takes courage to achieve what others have likely failed to achieve.

The roar of the machines stifled Charles. He closed his ears in the hope of silencing them. To see you with your tubes hanging around you, in you. On this hospital bed, this white bed, this room that feels the end. Eyes wet, Charles looks at your pale, serene face. The doctor’s words are dry and not encouraging. Your parents arrive a few hours later, a flight later. They cry. Your brother has tears in his eyes. Sebastian collapses in a corner. Hanna is there; a veil of sadness covers his eyes. Heidi cries in the arms of Daniel, who looks again in the eyes of Charles. Charles holds your hand, your hand. Your hands are cold, frozen by the consequences. Lando doesn’t dare to come in. He feels guilty because he refused to believe you, to reach out to you, see you, and see your distress. He preferred to become blind rather than awake. It haunts him.

Charles, sitting next to you, is watching people walk by. To say goodbye to you, goodbye, forever. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. You’re still breathing. Your heart is still beating. So why do you have to leave? Why did you choose to go?

“Why?” He mumbles one more time, his head against your ear. “Why are you not fighting?” 

“Cha... we have to go.”

“No... I-I-I can’t. I can’t leave her.” His voice breaks in a sob.

“Charles,” Pierre says, putting a comforting arm on his shoulder. “Let her go.”

“No...” Charles pushes him away, gripping your hand tighter. “She’s going to survive. She’s going to live. She has to live. You have to live.” He prays, kissing your cold skin.

Pierre sight and get out of the room. His family, her family, his friends, and her friends are here waiting for him. The visiting hours are almost over. Everyone wants to go back to their house and sleep a bit. They haven’t slept all night. Charles hasn’t slept all night. Pascale enters the room quietly. Staring at his son. 

“Charles. We need to let her rest. Will come back in the morning, d’accord mon bébé?” She says, taking him in her arm. 

He acquires at her request despite himself. Unable to fight anymore, fatigue slowly eats him away, and he knows that he is of no help if he is exhausted. He leaves the room not without a last kiss, a last look, a last goodbye.

On the following day, Charles came. Staying for hours next to you. Stroking your hair, mumbling your name, praying for you to wake up. He can't take you out of his brain. He can't take you out of him. You're haunting him. We realize how important it is in our life when we lose someone we take for granted. Charles looks at you as a friend until he realizes he loves you. Is it too late? Were you supposed to be?

Sebastian came a few times, only a few minutes. He can't unseen what he saw. He plays and plays the night in his head over and over again. Wondering what he could have done differently.

The doctors are not really optimistic about your recovery. Your body is tired. Your mind is exhausted. They did all they could do. All we have to do is wait. Wait for you to come back. Wait for you to fight for your life. How could you fight if you're not even awake? It's painful.

Strangely enough, he came. The rapist. The abomination of your life. You came late at night when everyone left. He felt bad. "It's too late to feel bad," you think when you feel his hand and you. You wanted to cry, to scream, but nothing. He left shortly after. Looking at you one last time. Looking at what he did to you. You hear from Lando a few days later that he got arrested. Other girls spoke, and there were enough accusations to start a trial. Even more strange, it did nothing to you. Well, how could you feel? When he toked everything you got and smashed it in a million pieces?

Sometimes, you can feel the warmth of the afterlife tingling your skin. You feel it right near you, calling you. Calling you to answer the call. You want to feel this feeling of peace, this quietness. You don't know how to feel. You just want to float. You forgot how to be happy. How to be. Why fight if you may never find yourself again? What were you made for? You wonder to yourself.

Time flies. A couple of weeks passed. You made some improvements for the doctors to feel optimistic for you to wake up eventually. You're stabilized by all those machines. Your parent finally arrived a few days after you were admitted. You can feel your mother's tears on your cold hands and the soft kisses of your father on your forehead. You can smell the sunflower Heidi brought you every time she comes to see you. Sometimes you want to react. To show her you listen. But you can't. Or you don't want?

The feeling of loneliness passed. You can see now how much you're loved. How they love you. You love to hear Arthur talking about your favourite series. You love to hear Sebastian remembering childhood moments whenever he found the courage to come. You love to listen to your mom singing your favourite songs. You love to hear Daniel telling dad jokes, hoping you'll smile in your sleep. You love hearing Lando talking about his latest Quadrant adventures or Twitch lives. You love to listen to Charles saying how much he loves you. How much his life is plain without you. You can't imagine somebody else cared so much about you.

That makes you cry. You can't show them you can hear. You can't show them you love them too. You can't show them how grateful you are or will be. More time passed, and the more you could slowly feel you were losing yourself. All you need to do is happen your eyes, but for some reason, it seems an impossible task to do.

"This is impossible," Alices says in disbelief at the creature rising upon her.

"Only if you believe it is." The hatter whispers, scared of the outcome of all this adventure. But wasn't this all the point of this madness?

"Sometimes, I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"That is an excellent practice." The hatters says. "However, just now, you might want to focus on the Jabberwocky."

"Six impossible things. Count them, Alice. One, there's a potion that can make you shrink. Two, and a cake that can make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, Alice, cats can disappear. Five, there's a place called Wonderland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky."

You feel yourself falling into the rabbit hole, and you have been in Wonderland all this time. That's it! You can do it. Six impossible things before breakfast.

"One, you will get a major in architecture."

"Two, you can drive an F1 car."

"Three, you can be happy again."

"Four, Y/n, there's a place for you in this universe."

"Six, I will fight for my life."

At this, though, he feels darkness rising upon you. Everything fades away slowly. You can hear the constant beep of the machines around you. You can feel Charles's hands against yours. You can smell the hospital room you're in. You can see the light shutters again you close your eyes.

Then... you breathe.

Feeling the grass on your feet. The autumn breeze cools down your spine. For the first time, you appreciate being alive. To fill your lungs with air, to hear the water crash against the rocks, to feel the sun warm up your skin, and to taste food again.

You feel a hand around your waist, and Charles brings you closer to him. He sticks you to his bare chest. He holds you firmly for fear that you will disappear again. It makes you smile to see him so loving, so gentle, and so attentive. You turn your gaze from the blue horizon to meet his emerald eyes. He smiles tenderly. His eyes sparkle with a thousand lights when you return his smile. You hold these eyes a few moments before you look wandering towards his lips.

If only it could be true.

If only you could be with him.

______________________________________________________________

Hi! Hope you enjoy this final version of the story. It took me sometimes to get back to writing but I'm getting there. I know some of you really like it and it's fill my heart with joy <3

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the horrors are back I fear

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Me seeing that lestappen is top trending here in tumblr since yesterday

But I definitely understand I mean...

[chucleclerc]

a rainy day in old london town

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Please Don't Leave Me Like That Again

Arthur Leclerc x First Responder!Fem!Reader

A/N: this is based off a dream I had last night 🥲. ALSO I HIT 300+ FOLLOWERS!!!! THANK YOU!

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The ring of the bell above the diner door could be heard as Charles, Alex, Arthur and I walked in while we waited to be seated.

"Sit anywhere guys, I'll be right with you in a moment!" the nice teenager said as she was running food to a table.

Arthur grabbed my hand as he guided me to a booth before gesturing me in first

"Actually I'm going to run to the bathroom first, if she comes by to get drinks can you order me a (Favorite/drink) if they have it? If not, whatever you think I would like." I said as I placed a quick peck on his lips before heading to the women's restroom.

-

I'd only been gone five minutes but when I returned the table had 4 drinks and two baskets of mozzarella sticks. Sliding in the booth next to Arthur, I immediately picked up my drink taking a few sips before setting it back down on the table before looking over at my boyfriend only to find him staring at me with a smile plastered on his face.

"What? Do I have something on my face??" Panic overtook my body as I pulled out my phone and pulled up the camera to examine my face for any blemishes. Finding nothing, I looked back at him with an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"Nothing, I just love you so much." He said as he swung an arm over my shoulder pulling me closer to him as he started littering my face in kisses.

"Aw, you guys are so cute." Alex said as she looked at us before turning her attention to Charles "Why don't you love me like that in public?"

"Mon Coeur, I try but when I do you get shy." He replied as he attempted to do the same, which caused her to giggle before pulling away and covering her face out of embarrassment. "See!" Charles exclaimed before chuckling to himself and picking up his drink to take a sip of it.

When the waitress came back over we gave her our orders, which she said would be out in just a few minutes before we all got back our respected conversations.

The food came out faster than we all thought and while all of us were conversing before something outside the window caught my eye, stopping me mid-sentence.

"What's wrong?" Arthur said as he looked at me with a puzzled look on his face

"That building, is it smoking?" I said as I pointed out of the window t

As we all took a closer look, we realized that there was black smoke coming out of the restaurant that was just a few buildings away from where we were.

"Oh my God, it is! We have to call 911!" Charles said as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

My first responder instincts kicked in which is what caused me to run out of the diner and towards the restaurant that was currently on fire without a second thought. My legs were taking me faster than my mind could comprehend and within a few seconds, I was outside the restaurant that normally would've been a 10 minute walk.

When I reached the restaurant I was out of breath but that was the least of my concerns as I was seeing people rushing out covering their faces as they all were coughing from the smoke inhalation. From a distance, I could wear the sirens of the firetrucks and ambulances but they were too far for me to just stop helping whoever I could before they got here to take over.

I saw a lady holding her kid as she made her way to the front door but collapsed from inhaling all the smoke while protecting her baby. Just as I was about to run in and grab her, a figure flew past me and in through the double doors of the restaurant and grabbed her. The fire eerily calmed down which I knew wasn't a good sign, I yelled at whoever ran in to get as low as possible because the fire was about to flash and I didn't want them getting burned after being heroic.

The sirens grew louder but that's not what caught my attention, what caught my attention was hearing the horrific scream of Charles calling out for his brother.

"ARTHUR!!!" That scream made my heart drop.

All of a sudden, I didn't care about my own well-being as the love of my life ran into an actual fire to save someones life and protect me from getting burned, or worse.

"CHARLES, DON'T TELL ME THAT WAS ARTHUR THAT RAN IN THERE!! PLEASE TELL ME THAT WASN'T ARTHUR!" I scream as I choked out a sob

Before Charles could respond, I saw about 10 People rushing out of the building.

"GUYS GET DOWN" I shouted as the fire flashed.

Another sob left my mouth as I didn't know if Arthur was among the 10 that managed to get out before the flash or if he was still in there. The fire engines and ambulances finally came around and they started getting the hoses set up as the paramedics started checking vitals and hooking people on oxygen.

Through my tear filled eyes, I could see a woman and her kid rushing out but there was no man with her. The paramedics took her to the side and I looked back in the restaurant where I watched her exit from. The sight I saw made another gut wrenching scream and sob escape my lips as I saw a body that resembled a males body on the ground.

"ARTHUR?? OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T BE ARTHUR!" I screamed as I ran to the doors of the building that was still on fire.

I didn't make it far because a firefighter grabbed me "Ma'am, you cannot go in there! If you go off to the side and let us do our job, we will find who you're looking for" She seemed nice but I heard nothing she said.

All I could hear was the shattering of my as I tried not to imagine that body being Arthur's.

Before I could say anything, I felt somebody yank my body around and I was met with my boyfriend, his face covered in dark ash and smelled like smoke but I couldn't care less.

"ARTHUR!! OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" I screamed as I smashed my lips to his before I hugged him with so much force, I knocked the wind out of both of us.

"I'm sorry, I love you so much and I didn't want you to go in that fire" Arthur said as he kissed the top of my head, neither one of us breaking up the hug.

Looking up at him I couldn't help but frown a little bit "Baby, I do this all the time, I had this down unto the on duty first responders got here! You scared me!" I said as I pulled him to my lips again.

Part of me was scared that this was a figment of my imagination and that any given moment, he would disappear and I would be left with nothing.

"Please don't leave me like that again." I mumbled against his chest as we swayed side to side, relishing in the feeing of being in each other's arms.

"Yeah, don't scare me like that again" Charles said as he patted Arthurs shoulder "Next time, I will kill you myself." we all let out little chuckles before a paramedic came over to us

"Sorry to interrupt your moment but, sir I need to check your vitals." she said as she directed that last part to Arthur

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that part." As much as I didn't want to, we had to release the grip we had on each other.

I watched as Arthur followed the paramedic to the ambulance before turning back to Alex and Charles.

"You really do love my brother, don't you?" He asked with a sincere look in his eyes.

"So much, it hurts" I said as I was visibly still shaking.

"I'll pay for your wedding dress and venue" Was all Charles said as he pulled me into a tight hug.

-

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AND IS IT 1-2 FOR THE LECREC FAMILY