#characters i wouldnt notice in that light otherwise

[beddhead-red]

Always remember, if you ever feel ugly, there's some Tumblr weirdo for whom you would be a blorbo. There's someone who would post 10 gifs of your best side, just you smiling, or doing something silly, under which they would comment "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM" and "THE THINGS I WOULD LET THEM DO TO ME".

There are people who would appreciate your struggles, write long text posts about them, write weird POV fanfiction where you're a yandere vampire or something.

There are tumblr weirdos who would study you under a microscope and teach others how to love you.

[rayraelleaizawa]

Shanks and Benn help you with Insecurities (chubby reader)

TW: insecurities, comfort, slight angst kinda, description of nudity

Characters: Shanks and Benn Beckmann

You always had struggles with your appearance. Almost all the women you met were thin, had a small waist, big boobs and a nice ass. But you? You had thick thighs, a bigger stomach, you simply had more weight than others. At first you didn't know that it was a challenge to not look like all those beautifull women out there. But then you noticed, that shopping for clothes was different for you. The stares of others were different on you. How they acted towards you was different. You grew up and realized, that you werent as much worth as people who were beautiful. Otherwise they wouldnt make fun of you, right? Otherwise they would accept you and treat you kindly, and not leave you out of everything. Right?

You tried a lot to lose weight and to become one of those beautful girls, but no matter how hard you tried or how less you ate you just couldnt seem to make it.

At some point you just accepted that you'll never have what others have. You left the island you were born on and started sailing around. You didnt want to wait for someone to do that with you when it was clear that no one would come.

But your world changed one day when you walked into a bar full of loudly yelling and laughing men. It was raining quite heavy so you couldnt avoid all those people like you usually would. You quietly walked up to the bar counter and ordered something to drink and eat. The men in your back were laughing and playing cards, and you tried to shut those thoughts down who told you that they were now also laughing about you.

A few seats next to you sat a tall man with red hair, also eating something. You looked at him and he looked at you and smiled. An honest smile. And that smile should change your whole world.

Two years later you were now the captains and the vice captains girlfriend, the crew loved and respected you and you loved and respected them. Benn and Shanks didnt let you go again after Shanks saw you in that bar, he knew you were special. You were always gratefull towards them both for giving you a family, to give you love. They helped you out of the dark hole you were in, helped you to see yourself in a better light.

The whole crew helped you to accept yourself. To love yourself. And you will always be grateful for that.

But it was still hard sometimes, those thoughts sometimes came back and then you were feeling bad and insecure about yourself.

Your two lovers noticed that of course, they always did. The whole crew noticed it. You were covering yourself more, eating less, smiling less, didnt want to go out, didnt want to go shopping, you mostly spent time in the quarters you shared with your lovers.

You were eyeing yourself in the mirror, gripping at the skin and picking around, tracing the lines on your stomach were the skin had ripped. You had tears running down your face as you just couldnt understand how those people could love you when you were such a pain in the eyes.

Suddenly you heard the door opening and Shanks and Benn walking inside, talking quietly cause they thought you'd be asleep by now. You held your breath as you didnt dare to move in the bathroom, and just hoped they wouldnt try to open the locked door and see you like that. They had an officer meeting and you said you were tired and wanted to go to sleep earlier, so you left and thought you had enough time for yourself to cry about what those ugly thoughts in your mind told you. Well, apparently you were wrong.

You waited for them to hopefully just go to sleep, but your hopefull thinking was cut short when someone tried to open the bathroom door.

"Darling, are you inside there?"

You heard Shanks call out to you. You shakily answered "Y-Yeah I-I'll be out-t in a m-minute!" as you looked around for something to cover yourself. You couldnt let them see your naked body. You realiced you had left your clothes outside and there were no towels left in the bathroom.

Benn and Shanks heard you rummaging through the bathroom and their worry increased by the second.

"Sweetheart, open the door, please"

Benn spoke carefully. You started to panic as you couldnt find anything to cover up, and this big mirror just kept on showing you every flaw you thought your body had and your mind just repeated those hatefull thoughts that they would leave you if they saw you like this. That you would be all alone and unloved again. Tears spilled down your face as you tried to make an excuse on why it took you so long, but in the end you just sat there and tried to muffle your cries.

Your two lovers on the outside of the door of course heard you and tried to get the door open. They succeeded after some time, but you were too far in your head to notice it. You were crying, and shaking, and your head was burried in your knees and your hands shielded your head as you just wished you wouldnt be there anymore.

Shanks and Benn immediatelly were by your side, trying to get you to look at them, asking what was wrong and trying to calm you down.

After some time you told them what was wrong, they had a suspicion that it was this topic bothering you again. Benn pressed you against his chest as you told them every cruel thought in your mind, your hands still trying to cover yourself up.

When you calmed down again, Benn picked you up and carried you to the bed. Shanks laid down on it, and Benn laid you in between Shanks legs so that you sat in between them, your upper body leaning against his torso. Then Benn sat down at your legs.

"Buttercup you're the most beautful woman in this world to us"

he spoke.

"And we will show you that every time you need to see it, pumpkin"

Shanks ended the sentence. And with that, Benn and Shanks started to kiss every inch of your body. It didnt matter how you protested and writhed underneath them, they kissed you everywhere. Your head, shoulders, face, breasts, stomache, thighs, feet, toes, between your legs, your back, everwhere. They didnt leave out an inch and smothered you with affection.

When they were finished, you were panting and writhing in between their both holds.

"Please talk to us when those bad thoughts come again. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help. We love you. You'll never be alone again, okay little dove?"

Shanks spoke as he caressed your stomach and Benn pressed a kiss on your cheek.

"You are beautifull just the way you are, and we love you just the way you are. We love you. You and only you. Got that, little firestorm?"

[kai-rio]

ggy song analysis III - the liar by the arcadian wild

im so normal about this song, the first time i heard it i immediately knew it was super uber ggy coded

(this is a long one so ill put my analysis under the cut)

by the way, i use greg and gregory as terms for different people - gregory for the character in sb, and greg for the persona we see in ggy

i sense theres trouble ahead, clear by the signs and warnings i think gregory would know that somethings up because i mean its probably pretty obvious if you have lots of gaps in your memory, or if he only gets control back for a little while after a long period of greg taking control, then he’d know thats weird too

that should tell where all blame is due, so why are they pointing at my head? this could be read as gregory not knowing the things greg’s done and being confused, if he notices vengeful tony & ellis then he wouldnt know why theyre vengeful

all have been led astray, we’ve all fallen short in some way literally a line in the game omg. but yeah i imagine during the short moments of control, gregory seeks comfort in vanessa and/or the other followers like finbarr or tape girl because he’d know theyre going through the same thing

please understand im ashamed he would feel guilty for greg’s actions once he actually remembers them or is told them by someone else

and i beg of you, please find your grace i think this reads as gregory trying to warn greg’s victims, like tony and ellis, but he’s unable to actually do anything

cause i'm not in a right state of mind, i just wish i had strength to admit it i doubt gregory would accept the idea of being one of the followers immediately and he might have fallen into a state of denial in a way

my stubborness will put up a fight, but i dont deserve to win it however, when he does accept it, he’d feel immense guilt, so much that he thinks he doesnt deserve to be forgiven despite how badly he wants it

we’re left in the dark, pondering our mistakes this could be gregory trying to piece together what happened during his amnesia gaps

in the light i swear i will deny it all i personally think that if gregory was to find out while he was still being controlled periodically, malhare might just try gaslight him into thinking otherwise to make him more compliant

cause i am the lying man, and i have made you my next victim ‘i am the lying man’ sounds like a title, maybe like greg confessing he’s ggy before he eliminates tony. the next victim obviously because the victims before were the therapists and i guess you could even count vanessa since he manipulates her - tony wouldnt be the last victim either, it probably continues on to ellis, crystal and maybe even cassie if gregory never escaped the control fully

oh i need you to see through my act, to tell me im wrong, to take off the mask again, this is about gregory trying to warn tony and ellis about his murderous counterpart, and it could be interpreted that taking off the dr. rabbit mask is a metaphor for freeing gregory, similar to how in the princess quest ending, our first sign that vanessa is free is that her mask has been abandoned

or else ill be left in the lie obviously this about still being trapped under the influence, but i also have another interpretation of this - i think that during the influence, gregory dissociated to an imaginary world where all the bad things didnt happen to cope with what he could remember, omori style

and ill decieve my way straight to demise i know everyone celebrates gregory for being like the first alive fnaf kid in the games but i honestly dont think thatll stay that way for long with how fnaf has a history of dead kids lol

i am the host of this hostility if the ‘wizards favourite apprentice’ line is true and not just greg pretending, then it would make sense for everything to revolve around him - he’s trusted enough to manipulate another follower and carry out a lot of murders so i would think its true. this probably means that gregory is under more surveillance than any of the other followers which would make it more difficult for him to escape

another interpretation of this is a ‘host’ that a parasite uses - this could imply that each of the reluctant followers personas’ arent specific to their body and could just inhabit a new one - this could be disproved by saying that each follower we’ve seen (vanny and greg) have made their names centered around their body’s original inhabitant, but then again that could just be them rubbing it in vanessa and gregory’s faces about their lack of control, or perhaps it was commanded by the mimic1 virus

im the master magician that makes you believe speaking of the mimic, if i remember correctly, there was a room in sb with a bunch of staff bots representing the afton family, and william was framed as a magician if sorts - the mimuc is supposedly mimicing afton, so it would make sense if it called itself a magician

im real, im not fake, but in reality im a lying man honestly i just think greg would be a fan of paradoxes and stuff like that, seeing how he led a trail of breadcrumbs for tony to follow

my lifes become this grand game of deception in gregs eyes, tony could be treating the whole ggy mystery like a game to be finished, a grand game because theres a high possibility of there being way more followers than we realise, already with 4 confirmed ones (vanny, greg, finbarr & tapegirl as far as i know)

my minds ignored all my hearts good intentions his mind because its mind control… yeah - this could also represent gregorys learnt behaviour of closing himself off from others to avoid them becoming another face on the missing posters despite only having goid intentions

we all feel this tension, we all have our own illusions the followers again, i imagine they all have their own ways of coping, perhaps by simply blocking everything out or pretending/dissasociating

[misqnon]

do u ever get scared that maybe im lying to u about who i am... i wouldnt do that but i feel like if i had an anon that came off anon and revealed themself i would think "is it really u"... im not rly doing myself any favors by planting this idea in ur head but i want to know if u have thought abt it or not

SOMETIMES THAT IS HOW I AM.. not usually with zosan bc theyre not actually enemies.. theyre more like . rivals who argue a lot (and sometimes they try to kill each other for fun). but when its two characters who like.. idk.. killed each others families for example. i am thinking "get revenge.. kill them.. get revenge... revenge...." and revenge is NOT making out . revenge is NOT getting into a relationship..

ive never written any ship .. fanfic. so i dont think i could confidently write hanyagellan. i should though.. i should learn to write multiple characters. actually up until like. last month. i had never read fanfic that wasnt x reader. wait no thats wrong i HAD but it was characters i didnt know and purely bc i was bored. anyways if i am obsessed with fictional characters its usually bc i want to date them. and the ones i dont like like that r just blorbos, and i dont ship them with anyone. my first times actually shipping characters were basically.. me finding out phoenix wright and maya fey dont get together (i thought they were canon for some reason).. and it means its ok to ship wrightworth. and then enjoying satosugu content, a lot. both happened in the past 6 months or so

im actually kind of thinking kidd might have his time to shine in the next arc??? i wont say why but.. anyways heres hoping .

its mentioned one time in sabaody i think. that they have killed innocent civilians. and when i was rereading i was like "WOAH WAIT WHAT???? THE GUYS I FELL IN LOVE WITH ARE JUST REGULAR MURDERERS??" it was . a shocking moment. for sure. i filtered it out the first time bc i didnt really know kidd that well at the time. but NOW.. now... its different. ok wait i found the image

it doesnt change how much i like them but it is kinda a wake up call.. like thats right.. theyre... bad guys...

maybe marineford traumatized oda /j. like he had to go a while without his perverted cook and hot ladies and when he got them back he had the sanji reaction. maybe sanji is just his self insert. his reaction to being able to draw women again is sniffing them and bleeding out because of them

i have had a few moments where i really liked (mackenyu) zoro. when he smiled, once, i was like WOW ??? HELLO??? I LOVE U ... and then it was Gone.. i just need the silly guy to be silly. either way his action scenes are fantastic like. huge kudos to mackenyu for that. "zoro’s characterization seems to be one of the major criticisms ive seen across the board so maybe they’ll lighten him up for season 2." I HOPE SO!!! its not like hes doing an awful job or anything, im just sad abt the way the character has gone. make him smile a little more and joke around a little more and i will be happy as a clam or whatever that saying is. also excited for whatever the zoro saying fuck scene is.. i dont really notice cussing most of the time in media so i hope it doesnt slip past me

i heard koby's actor is trans?? i was very happy to hear that. excited for whenever we see him again in water 7 and hes all grown up. assuming the show goes for long enough to reach that point

actually i Did draw a fem sanji that i am willing to share bc its not too bad,, here u go. not like i did anything crazy with the design. its just sanji with boobs and longer hair.. and no facial hair. and also theres no obligation to do anything back. bc i was gonna draw fem sanji anyways. im only showing u bc i like u /p >:) otherwise it would never see the light of day

"luffy trying to pronounce the name of someone he doesnt care about be like" im so flattered to be compared to luffy HAHA even if its about his awful ability to remember names

"once i tried to see if there was some kind of website or plug in or tool to put in your email address and find any accounts linked to it so i could delete them but i didnt really find what i was looking for which is crazy." ive never thought to do that, but the fact there was nothing is so??? like dont other people have this issue?? idk if i have any really crazy websites i was on.. its more like the stuff i did when i had those accounts is crazy LOL

"blissful ignorance" fr. best to just ignore ur problems

"BUT I REMEMBERED THAT RUMIKO AT ONE POINT MENTIONED LIKING USAGI DROP AND I WAS LIKE. its so jover you guys" NOO THATS SO BAD... mangaka's please stop ruining ur characters and stories.. please........

"the nyan cat creator is actually here on tumblr lmao" THATS SO COOL.. time to see if they talk about it at all..

"also the vocaloid oliver voices puppycat in bee and puppycat! and a vocaloid song actually mde it into a MARVEL MOVIE??" I HEARD ABT THAT AND LIKE?? MARVEL... MARVEL... THE BIGGEST MOVIE FRANCHISE.. YEAH.... THATS INSANE..

"i could link my vocaloid megaplaylist but its. long." u should anyways .. if ur comfortable. the playlist i used most often to listen to music.. for years.. is 83 hours long. and it was just every single thing i liked. so. just letting u know the extent of how Not Picky i am

"i had one of the most fun times of my life lmao. i was JAMMIN." it sounds like a lot of fun!!! i hope kikuo comes back... so i can go see them... as. an actual fan next time .

"i think 90% of what oda says should be ignored LMAO. MY STORY NOW!! half joking. maybe a little more than half." Exactly!!! exactly!!! although i think his choice to not have any romance was a very good one so i will thank him for that.

"when the live action cast talks about how much they respect him and how cool meeting and talking to him was i almost feel bad bc he seems like a kind and goofy guy a lot of the time, but oof, man really needs to evaluate his biases…" I KNOW,, ME TOO. i saw uh.. iñaki ? meet him . and like.. man.. he seemed so happy. i love the guy. but it is tainted by my knowledge of who oda is.

i do also sometimes purposely bury posts.. im sorry u have to deal with the knowledge that i might see the things u dont want people to see .. also i will go ham spamming u since i have permission now. (im overhyping myself. i will probably spam a normal amount)

i actually resisted tiktok extremely well until like . 2022? maybe? and now ...i am addicted. im not actually but i AM on there a lot.

i think i was like 11? maybe? when i saw the impel down scene with iva . and i was still in denial about being trans for a while after that (i dont know what was going on in my child brain bc i came out as genderfluid 3 times at 11 12 and 13 i think. (i forgot each time. yeah.) and yet i was still like "nah im not trans.. thats not possible") and actually i made a fursona (without admitting it was a fursona. it was just an animal and i said "actually this is me...") and i made THEM genderfluid.. and while making it i was like . "no.. me?? im not genderfluid... but u can be. ur allowed to be ." anyways just a big tangent to say iva thank u for helping me accept myself it was a very long and confusing process but finally... i have a vague understanding of who i am...

i don't think oda would answer me but he HAS said multiple times that he reads every single letter he gets (thats been approved by.. idk.. his manager or something?). imagine being immortalized in sbs though.. i think it would be funnier to be trans and not ask a question involving it at all and when ur question gets answered u can come out and say "whats up suckers actually this was me. i bet u wish u were me huh." . idk, i will do anything to get back at transphobes...

"and iva is apparently based not only on dr frankenfurter but also a drag queen he knew irl?" i heard. i heard that the voice actor for iva IS the person iva is based on . and that he was arrested actually... for .. posting "indecent images" online. i thought that meant nudes but apparently he was just trying to show he has tattoos. on his lower half. and then he had to step down as a voice actor

'sometimes i think about how bon clay’s jacket just says "OKAMA” on the back and it can. sometimes be considered a slur?' i go back and forth a lot on how i feel abt the use of okama in one piece. like on one hand yeah,, queer people do use their own slurs. but sometimes its too much... like.. sometimes i feel weirdly targeted by it. i think part of that is probably bc ive had slurs used against me as slurs but. anyways he doesnt have to use it in EVERY SENTENCE describing a queer person.. right.. like we do have just regular descriptors besides "queer".. but then i have other times I'm like hell yeah!!! queer people!!!!! and i love that they use that word. idk. consistency is not my strong suit.

"2gether we can remember the fishman royal family LMAO." perfect. a team effort.

i dont remember exactly what noah is supposed to be , theyre a little vague about it (probably on purpose) but i do remember them talking about the dawn of the world quite a bit. the poneglyph in the fishman island arc is i think an apology to joy boy. and roger is involved bc he could hear the voices of the neptunians, like luffy can

the only layer of ur comic i understand is the horses sadly... once again my lack of knowledge rears its ugly head..

"i can see him doing this but only to zoro. to piss him off." either zoro wouldnt notice or he would and it would definitely turn into another fight. wait those are just the only two possible courses of action..

"usopp’s in on it probably" thank u. i feel like this was for me. even if it wasn't. thank u.

u can be.. uh.... judge of sanji... no maybe not.. that just reminds me of vinsmoke judge..

i have never understood powerscaling. i have a very slight understanding of what it is but. like. i dont know how thats fun.. for people... i have always enjoyed stories more when theyre focused on characters and settings rather than action. i love a good fight but it is nowhere near my priority. part of the reason i love dressrosa so much is cuz they have that stupid (/lh) moment where everyone starts working together to push back the birdcage. makes me cry every time.

anyways yeah i do think zoro is meant to be stronger. i think its kinda lame cuz the sanji and zoro rivalry, where theyre constantly on equal levels but hate to admit it, is fun. but at the same time i dont think i would mind if zoro was declared second in command and therefore became the stronger one. perhaps thats just my zoro bias showing though. making zoro 1 cm taller is VERY funny .. u know he would use that against sanji.. with the way he constantly lorded over people (sanji especially) that he was the first person to get to sabaody

"its the crack cocaine" this may be controversial.. but i would think that would STUNT their growth /lh. big mom as a child was like the same size as her parents. but with the proportions of a child. and once again i am faced with the question of . do huge characters come out normal sized and then just have insane growth spurts.. or.. the other, scary option: they come out huge. but their parents r usually normal sized... imagining that is terrifying

i like to try to form my own opinions and theories bc i think its fun but.. some ppl are just way smarter than me at reading characters. how do they do that!! the fact u were reading character analysis as a kid is impressive tho bc i was definitely in my "characters are only either evil or good" stage for a loooonnggg time.

u commiting hard vs me having commitment issues. who would win. thank u for excusing sanuso its the only sanji ship i actually like. I'm picky too and. sometimes i just hate a ship for no particular reason. i have tried to analyze myself but i cant figure it out

"i will do you one better and give u a link to the SBS + a translator who looked at the question." THATS PERFECT THANK U

i dont think i can meet oda halfway....

idk if this is popular or not but the reasoning ive seen behind trans zoro is that he took kuinas sword after she died, which is like. a metaphor for leaving behind his pre transition self. n i like that connection a lot. but also zoro as a transmasc is just fun..

also a while ago?? u reacted to zoro not hurting uhh the bird lady on punk hazard. i saw that when i was looking through ur liveblogging.. tags. and i wanted to say that. that made me really angry too LOL . like i expected better from u.. ur supposed to be the one who gives equal treatment no matter what. but then. partially for my own sanity. i started thinking that maybe he didnt actually hurt her not bc shes a lady,,, but because he doesnt like to hurt weak people. he has had a lot of moments where he's shown to protect weak people specifically, regardless of gender.

these comments.. helped me see the light (i hope theyre readable)

if oda does make him into the type of guy who protects women for being women. i might go insane. he had that moment in skypeia where robin got hurt and he was like "shes a woman" as if that makes any difference how strong she is or how easy an opponent should go on her. and wait i see ur point about the characters not acting like their own established .. character... i see it..

if ur interested here are my thoughts from the punk hazard moment. upon reread. i didnt remember it happened because i wiped it from my brain so my anger was just as intense as the first time LOL

tw for violent language and cussing

ok huge tangent aside

that summary from the zosan fic is so good. they r both trans . hell yeah.

i havent seen the matilda movie!! i havent read the books either. i do see ppl talk abt them a lot though and i have been meaning to give it a try. i like danny devito. i love theatre!! havent really seen many shows . especially not high production ones. but i was in theatre in middle and high school. thats Right im a theatre kid. except i was part of the backstage crew and never wanted to do acting.. no one talks about crew it makes me sad

i love trans family frobin and chopper. zoro is also definitely choppers big brother. i disagree with the popular headcanon of him being choppers dad. they r brothers.

i do not have any favorite creators tbh. im very non commital so i will usually only have videos i like or art i like or . yeah . i do have a few recurring one piece artists i reblog though? i think? (all on tumblr.. i dont really use social media). so let me get those for u,,,

attyattlaw

fluffyartbl0g

kiashieart

huyandere (shuggy my beloved)

and honestly i think thats it? i was mostly using tumblr for kpop content until very recently so i dont have much that is. one piece centered.. most of my interests are very different from each otherr,,,

never know how to end asks so here is how i feel about law

i feel like i am not popular enough for that to happen but . but

fear

okay yea thats valid. i dont think ive actually come across any enemies ships like that…i mean im sure i HAVE but i dont think i have shipped any?? well. well no thats not true. but. i was 14 and also stupid

my favorite characters are almost always characters i have a fictional crush on AND one of the half of my favorite ship…this probably says something about me but im choosing to ignore it. i dont know a lot about ace attorney but do phoenix and miles not have some sort of rivalry as well?? or do they become buddies by the end

someone told me they think kidd is gonna be king of the pirates?? did i say that before. i dont know why they think this but that in combination with u thinking he’ll get more screentime is. compelling

JDFBDSKS WOOPS !! its ok…luffy will reform them,..sometimes i think oda writes a character being terrible and then if it was long enough ago we just forget about it and pretend its ok. like.remember how franky beat the SHIT out of usopp AND robbed him and that was never really addressed aside from a few lines and he just joined the crew and has been a happy goofy guy since. i do. i MEAN ZORO ALSO WAS JUST MURDERING PPL FOR BOUNTIES BEFORE HE JOINED THE CREW and then luffy was like hey. stop that. and so he did and we dont talk about it much LMAO

I KNOW SANJI GOTTA BE HIS SELF INSERT. im sure he inserts himself in many of the characters but sanji hardcore. this video  talks a lot about it. including how oda’s signature has sanji’s eyebrow swirl. also i think that is why sanji sucks so much and i want to beat him to death with hammers . who said that

YEA MACKENYU IS LIKE. SO PRETTY. HI MACKENYU,..HI. i think what bothered me most is that (esp pre ts) zoro was a very angry and loud character. he laughs loudly, he yells when he’s mad, he gets those big silly angry faces oda draws all the time. he’s quieter post ts but when he gets mad he still gets Loud yanno. zoro is boisterous. but opla zoro is always talking at Edgy Cool Boy Mumble. for reference the fuck is about buggy. which is so funny

koby’s actor IS trans!! i really like the casting they’ve gone with. For doing their races right, first of all, and also for things like giving koby’s role to a trans actor even though they didnt “have to”. and also i will now HC koby as trans thank u matt owens. i doubt they’ll get to water 7 (i think they might like. finish alabasta. and thats it. personally) but i mean WHO KNOWS. 

TRANS SANJI….OH MY GOD HI,,, HELLO MA’AM…GOD I WISH SHE WAS REAL. ODA…COWARD!!! YOU PUT HIM ON FORCE FEMME ISLAND AND IT DIDNT EVEN WORK /j

thank you for showing me!!  :D 

i think there were SOME options but they either required an account or cost money or didnt do the whole job so i kinda gave up. it is weird bc that seems like a very useful tool in this day and age

here…here is my vocaloid megaplaylist…it…pretty much is just every vocaloid song i liked. there’s a couple vocaloid-adjacent songs in there too. enjoy

i actually really like making playlists for ppl (vocaloid or otherwise) so if u ever want a more. condensed playlist of something. let me know!

kikuo is already doing more stuff in the u.s. so i bet he will come back!! i hope he does i spent like $50 on his merch so like I FUNDED IT

inaki meeting oda WAS very sweet imo…some people have said it seemed fake/forced but i didnt get that vibe at all. and oda does seem like a nice and funny person like. in real life. but again I KNOW WHAT U FUCKING THINK IN UR BRAIN…nuance and al that i guess.

i literally reblogged a nsfw comic the other day (it was a joke comic, but still) and i was like i will bury this. and queue it for 1 am. i am so safe. AND NOW I DO NOT FEEL SAFE!! im joking i dont care that much. but tumblr why

how did you…how did u forget u were gendrfluid 3 times…actually. actually im REALLY bad about putting a label on my gender so i cant talk. i used to say “girl with a little agender on the side” or something and then went by demigirl kinda for a while? and then people would ask my gender and i’d be like “idk its whatever man” and my friends would go “i thought u were a demigirl?” and id be like OH FUCK OH YEA but now its evolved and i still dont have a name for it. im one of those ‘no labels’ people now but only bc i dont feel like looking into it more. lazy moment. and labels feel too definitive. 

u should do that actually. a couple of his sbs people have gotten pretty popular for frequent comments i think. also I DIDNT KNOW THAT ABOUT IVA VA??? WHAT THE FUCK

PFFT dont worry about not understanding the comic its fairly niche. the song lyrics are from this song (very explicit btw. also a bop imo) and the “lipsync for your life” bit is a reference to rupauls drag race when the queens have to perform to a song to not get eliminated. and i like to imagine iva put sanji through many a gay time

“wait those are the only two possible courses of action..” I USE THAT SAME PHRASE A LOT AND ACCIDENTALLY DO THAT SAME THING EVERY TIME LMAO

fuck…but it would work so well with my gavel…damn it…im uh uh…magistrate of sanji, (i literally googled judge synonyms for this. and also it made me think about that one vocaloid song where kaito is a judge)

i rlly dont care about powerscaling and i have never looked into it and never will. i actually really do like cool fights but in anime they always get dragged out SOO long and then im just pissed cause i care more about the plot and characters. i prefer the idea of them being perfectly matched for multiple reasons but i guess we’ll never know…probably. idk im still waiting on that death pact thing to come back

u make a good point. about the cocaine. maybe it has to do with haki/willpower. tbh i can see that. the powerful guys are always taller. i think oda just wants them to be intimidating but if we want an in canon explanation…its cause theyre so damn AMBITIOUS !!

i was reading character analysis as a kid but i also thought characters could only be one or the other for way too long. bisexuality of man or whatever

what other ships do i like…i like zosan. obviously. i like dofuwani for similar reasons but I WAS LIED TO AND SHIPPED IT BEFORE I MET THEM AND THOUGHT THEY INTERACTED WAY MORE..OH WELL. i like nami/vivi and kaya/usopp!! and frobin!! buggy and shanks can be cute too. but i dont really CARE much about any of them except zosan. any luffy ship be gone from my sight for aroace reasons. wait add hannyagellan

im ngl hannyagellan is like a funny joke ship to me but if it becomes one of those crack ships u acciddentally get attached to im gonna be so mad (i wont be mad itll be really funny)

ive never heard that but i like that interpretation. god. i think about kuina a lot. i miss her. this is so stupid but i was listening to “slipping through my fingers” by abba and makin amvs in my head of zoro losing kuina and shit…embrassing. and also made me emo. 

hm…im torn on the punk hazard stuff. to me it def felt like a woman thing esp after that comment about robin in skypiea. i think it goes against zoro’s character esp considering UHH KUINA but its yet another symptom of oda’s own biases bleeding into the work. but i would have to watch it again and consider it being a weakness thing. though i feel like he’s had weak men challenge him before that he didnt make a big deal out of not fighting. or maybe i just feel like if it was a guy he wouldnt hesitate as much…im blanking on evidence

2 OUT OF 3 OF MY ROOMATES IN COLEGE WERE ON TECH CREW HAHAHA  they told me about it and made me appreciate it!! i love theatre a lot. i want to go see more. thats the only one ive ever seen and its bc it was for a school trip. my favorite musical ever is cabaret and i watched it all on youtube in several parts jdfnvkfjn (the 1990’s run with alan cumming) i could have been a theatre kid if i was less shy i think.

I AGREE ZORO IS CHOPPERS BROTHER. THANK U. although if we’re talking crew dynamics overall i do not think robin is a mother. she is 100% a cool aunt. and actually not that responsible when it comes to wrangling luffy and crew. franky’s a dad but he’s not THEIR dad. he’s just a dad coded guy who they’re friends with. jinbei gives grandfather even though hes only in his 40’s. brook is weird uncle. nami is a mom. sanji is also a mom. zoro is a big brother and usopp and luffy and chopper are little brothers. 

i made my irl friend get on tungle and she also uses it for kpop purposes lmao. i know very little about kpop but she likes ateez…my other friend likes stray kids…i had a friend who liked shinee and i liked one of their songs…i like a few bts songs…but i will never join that fandom (sorry mack if ur reading this)

i think in terms of like one piece videos i like melonteee, totally not mark, mugiwara no goofy (for laughs) and also these two guys who just shitpost and its really funny

one piece artists,,,so many. wellfine is a big one…i love when ppl draw sanji with a hooked nose and lots of body hair. bluechanas…demonzoro…chvvy…that translation blog i linked earlier. i actually have a lot more but i realized a lot of them are just zosan and i didnt want to subject you to . all that 🧍LMAO. WAIT I FORGOT ONE. THEMETALHIRO. THEIR COMICS ARE SO FUNNY ALL THE TIME

i feel the need to ask a one piece question but i cant think of one rn. uh. uh. do u have any questions. or discussions to start. its ok if u dont!!

also p.s. there is never any pressure to watch any of the videos i link it is more for a sourcing purpose unless u actively want to watch them

I HAVE THAT EXACT IMAGE SAVED IN MY CAMERA ROLL LMAO. to end off here are some of my best (worst) sanji images

[emcscared-whumps]

we gettin on the sweat tonight lads

i'm sick without really feeling sick (test results pending lol), so tonight, we're gonna see just how fast i can bust out a finished piece >:)

there will be no consequences! because i wont be infecting my client at work tomorrow!! :D

im talking a bust portrait of a character with a simple face angle, simple expression, simple lighting, that otherwise fully rendered and polished

and im going to log-- (OH GOD I SPELT LOG WRONG WHAT THE FUCK)-- the *actual* time i spend on the piece because i found out that clip studio can tell me how long ive had the canvas open, but i'm sure that i leave canvases open for entire days without touching them, so... that is not accurate enough for me

anyways; the reason? a friend and i were talking about art commission pricing and the habits we've noticed in the art community, and i got curious: what would *i* price my stuff if i were to hypothetically sell it?

through some basic maths and reasoning between us, i have discovered that the key to making a good rate is skill at speed

(it's not as bad as it looks, my american friends, i am using aud :) currently, 1usd = 1.50aud, 50aud = 33.28usd)

we talked about how much is a fair price for the product vs how long it takes to make, and i discovered that if you're quick at making a character bust lineart of moderate quality for $15, and can do one in 30 minutes, accounting for *only* time spent drawing, you'd be making $30 an hour, which is pretty cool considering it'd only be bust lineart. ($20 for bust lineart would yield $40/hr, but i'd only charge that of my skills and precision were reliable and en pointe. it could even be pushed to $25, but i wouldnt go more than $30 unless some super complex shit was happening and i happened to be very very good. at which point you still want to be as fast as physically possible)

there was a plot twist though: rendering times.

hypothetically, if i charged $20 for bust lineart, extra $10 for flats, extra $10 for shadibg, and extra ($5 to) $10 for extra finishing details (little backgrounds etc), that would be $50 total for a fully rendered bust. if i took 4 hours to do it (which i think is reasonable time (for me) to do most things by hand), all of a sudden, that's made my $30-40/hr into $12.50/hr.... which is kinda (very) shit lmao

with this in mind, i have one question: just how fast can i make stuff, and what quality will it be? what would i theoretically be paid for my fully rendered bust pieces?

i usually an very VERY slow partly coz i cannot stay focused on a piece for long enough chunks at a time, or, if i can, i will stop halfway through and leave it for several weeks or months, leading to a turnaround that is at such a leisurely pace even *snails* would be envious

ALTHOUGH. last year, my friend (same as above) alerted me to a built-in time-lapse feature in clip studio. i was intensely curious. for whumptober that year, i had a very clear vision of a piece i wanted to do for one of the prompts, so i used that to test the feature. i sat down at about 1700, stopped only for dinner, and had the whole thing exported and posted to tumblr at around 0100, about 7 hours. i have a sneaking suspicion that was the fabled beast called hyperfocus lmao. the [piece] was a roughly rendered full-body shot with a dynamic pose, both hands exposed, and a more complex expression, not bad considering that my pride piece took 10 months :)

bust portraits are my most comfortable style of piece, so i will experiment with those, especially since my character profiles need them, and also i want them all to look cohesive, which means i will re-draw all of my current ones (rip pete, timmy, and kate lol)

(hm, if i took 3 hours instead of 4, that'd be $16.70, if i took 2, it'd be $25... still not even close to that tasty tasty $30-$40/hr... so the solution would be to up the price of rendering since flats are easy. extra $20 (instead of $10) for rendering, since it's as complex as anatomy with lineart, bumping the total price to $60 (which is starting to *really* push the envelope of what i think people would pay for my art). so if i took 4 hours at that price, that'd be $15/hr, 3 hours would be $20/hr, which is better but still kinda shit for all that extra work, and any faster might reduce the quality to a point where it isnt worth that extra $10...)

......... i'll let u guys know the results lol

[spearxwind]

Ooo, I like your new character, Nereus, I'd like to know more! :O

What's their disposition or personality like!?

In particular whats it like getting catalogued by them? Is it 'freindly' when it's cataloguing something? What happens to the catalogued thing afterwards?

How much data can they store? Does their archive go back pretty far? Do they offload it somewhere external or is it all self contained?

Do they emit much light or sound underwater? What kinda noises do they make?

How much do they rely on visuals? Can they have a sort of searchlight or do they not need that because other sensors/senses? Can they mimic things / sounds from something they've catalogued earlier to lure something for more cataloguing / data gathering perhaps?

What do they sustain themselves on? I noticed they got some sharp teeth and claws, what sort of threats do they have to worry about :O

Are their others like it and if there is how do they react to each other?

Uhh that's all I can think of for now!

Oh these questions are really good!! Idk how much I can answer since I don’t have a whole lot thought out yet, but let’s see

1. Being catalogued is completely chill and painless!! They only require some footage, and a small dna sample to make sure species don’t get cross-catalogued if theres dimorphism. And yes, it is very friendly, Nereus LOVES interacting with creatures and usually most creatures are friendly or at least chill towards it :] Dna samples can also be anything, usually a few cells suffice (something like picking up a scale, or getting a special underwater swab to scrape the lifeform a bit)

2. They can for sure store a lot of data, they were meant to be out in the world without coming back for long long periods of time. I feel like mostly is self contained, and they can definitely keep all of it on them (to prevent creatures from being catalogued twice) but they WERE meant to eventually go back to a facility and get their data extracted. The facility has been in ruins for many years though. I havent decided how far back their archive goes yet but a good few years probably!

3. They have some sound cues, and very rudimentary speech that they pull from their coding mostly. Their lights can be a little dimmed if necessary, but generally fish arent bothered by light anyways.

4. They definitely rely on visuals as they need to have footage of creatures in order for sucessful catalogue to be done, but they dont rely solely on it! Also, frankly they should 100% have a searchlight because that way they feel like an ROV and im about that.  I hadnt thought about the sounds thing, probably not but thats a super neat idea and I do love me a mimic so I will for sure let that simmer for a while bc its fun

5. It’s solar powered! If necessary, they can also use bacterial fuel cells (just because... the concept slaps so much. i can yoink another cool concept from In Other Waters.... as a treat). It definitely comes in handy if they go deep for long periods of time but otherwise they spend a lot of time on the surface and in shallow waters, and their batteries are BEEFY The claws and teeth are both for sample collecting/handling and manipulating other things. I also just think theyre cool slkdjffd. However they probably do have to worry about a hostile life form or two 

6. There’s probably others like it! I havent thought that far ahead though for this funny little setting :’] if anything, most other units are non functional and buried somewhere, or still within defunct facilities. If there are others like it out there, theyre sparse enough that even just coming across each other is very likely, and while Nereus would be friendly towards them since it has a personality, the others likely wouldnt pay it any mind 

[kokoinupi]

just to continue in your post about the new SMT game being really queer. i think persona 5/ P5R were still taking baby steps after P4's mess of homophobic and transphobic writing. Like there was definitely some questionable stuff like those two 'fashion men' that bother Ryuji when you first go to the red like district had to get a different english translation in Royal because people rightly got offended. but then the game does a 180 and has Lala Chan, a drag queen who legitimately cares about akira and him not getting exploited by ohya, making sure he doesn't drink, offers him a job, and makes sure he isn't out at night in the Red light district. which showed that the writer's could make positive rep of a queer person so im really glad SMT is proving that even more!

yeah! playing a lot of atlus games over the years, i can pretty much tell that there is at least one writer trying to get out queer narratives since hashino took over, and you can even see it in p4, otherwise naoto wouldnt actually be a trans guy written like a trans guy, he would have the initial bait and switch and then accept his identity as a "woman" from there on. but you can tell in what's actually written in the game, he doesn't identify that way as a character and hes not comfortable with the way the game progresses after his arc, it's very clear to me that some members of the writing team want to write queer-accepting narratives but as long as hashino is the director of literally every single atlus game, they're not allowed to do so openly, so they just go for subtle character quirks and lighthearted jokes (thinking about the "honey im home" scene in p5) to slip under his radar. i do notice this in p5 and p5r too as you said, the way the characters themselves are written feels like a queer friend group and the way they interact just doesn't compute in my head as them possibly being homophobic people, like hashino evidently wants them to be. and the way they focus on narratives of consent and reclaiming sexuality for ann (and in turn take away the persona-typical gross pervert qualities of the best friend character for ryuji), and the very heavily-coded, tatsujun-based romance story with akeshu, you do think for a moment that maybe p5 is different from the others, maybe it can be better, maybe we're just overreacting about hashino. but then they drop their really bad jokes and say bigotry-filled lines that make no sense in the context of the character at all, and you're reminded that as long as hashino is here, atlus games are still outright hostile to women and queer people. obviously smtv is not a social game so we can't see how that's developing now after hashino is gone for good, but the overall vibe of the game feels like you let the good writers who want to write games free of bigotry relax, and got rid of the oppressive air over the whole thing. despite what edgy smtbros want you to think, smtv is very funny, and while there are lines of dialogue about (demons) being gay, i have yet to come across a single bad-faith joke. all the queer jokes so far feel like queer people wrote them, and the character design of the protag, both in human and nahobino form, feels like he's made to be recognized by trans and gender nonconforming people before anything else. it feels like coming home to p2, back when the atlus writers didn't have to conform to whatever boring close-minded bullshit hashino wanted the games to be, and i cannot wait to see the future of that in full force when another social game comes out. maybe we'll actually date boys again in p6! who knows!

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Virgil's Birthday (Prinxiety)

-------------------------

Virgil was, very lonely for someone who lived in such a vibrant society.

But that was most likely because he'd never been outside in his afterlife, at least, not legally.

The doctor was a strange man, he'd only brought Virgil back with the false impression of gaining a wife, or husband as Virgil reprimanded him for soon after being brought back.

But Virgil learned things fairly quickly, like which potions produced the most pro-longed sleep, so he could sneak out.

And what a time to sneak away, the night of halloween, decorations everywhere, singing and dancing.

And rising from a fountain, in all his skeletal glory, Roman Prince-Duke, the ruler of halloween. Virgil couldve fainted on the spot, gods he was hot.

"That's the second time you've slipped deadly nightshade into my soup," Virgil froze as he heard his doctor's voice.

"Third, actually," Virgil replied as he tried to wrench his arm out of the doctor's grip.

And then he heard a tear, but he was running to fast to care about the stub where his arm had once been stitched.

And then he heard singing, something sorrowful and lamenting. He expected to look up and see one of the sirens, only to be taken aback by the sight of the skeleton king.

He doesnt want to rule halloween anymore?. . . Virgil thought silently. He could hardly remember the last time a halloween ruler had felt unhappy with his position, but this, this couldnt lead to good things.

Virgil followed him as closely as possible, until he went beyond the gates of the town, at which point, Virgil had lost him.

So he followed the only other option he had, return home and to whatever awaited him there.

"So, you came back," was the doctor's first snide remark.

"I had to," Virgil replied, tilting his head to the side which had stitching hanging off of it.

"Looking for this?" Virgil couldnt see much of the doctors face, it was always hidden by gray and black smoke, save for glasses, and a broad fanged grin, and he held up the arm Virgil was missing, which waved pitifully.

"You cant keep leaving, it's not safe out there, you know the rules," said the doctor as he stitched Virgil's arm back to the socket. Virgil hated this part of his adventures, the bright lights directly in his face along side the patronizing glare from the doctor. He hadnt even asked to be stitched back to life, much less in a fashion that was basically a prison.

"I'm restless I cant help it!" Virgil shot back, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"You're mine you know. I made you," the doctor snarled.

"Well I didnt ask you to." Virgil said, shrinking back as the smoke of the doctors form intruded on his own breathing space.

He was relieved when it was finally over and he could go back to working on the doctors next meal, which would of course, be poisoned.

"And now for the final touch," Virgil coughed slightly as the fumes of the frogs breath entered the concoction. He was lucky to keep a straining spoon in his boots, otherwise he would've been screwed when the doctor asked him to try it first.

But lucky it worked, because it seemed that his beloved Prince Roman hadnt been out for ages.

So he decided to send him a basket. It took a few tries to get him to notice, but the smile he cast Virgil was enough to make even the coldest hearts melt.

Of course Virgil couldnt stay for long, he had to make sure he didnt get caught.

He wouldnt have to wait much longer, soon enough there was a town meeting called. Roman went on for hours about something called "Christmas". And everyone else seemed sold on the idea, but Virgil wasnt so sure.

"Roman I'm not sure I-" Virgil had tried his best to dissuade Roman from the idea when he'd asked for a costume, but Roman was stubborn, very stubborn.

"You'll do great! See! The red goes here, and this part is white, its easy!" Roman said, shoving Virgil in another direction, Virgil had to dodge quickly as the doctor entered his field of vision, that was a confrontation he certainly wasnt ready for.

"This just doesn't feel right. . ." Virgil muttered to himself, running a hand along a nearby set of bushes.

And then he noticed something off about one of them, a star and brightly colored ornaments, which promptly burst into flames. Virgil jerked his hand back, eyes wide with fear, and rushed back toward the hall to warn Roman as quickly as he could.

"Roman!-" Virgil skidded to a halt before he ran into the trio of trouble makers that was Apate Hera and Adrestia, or as the town liked to call them, the Trick or Treaters.

"What is it Virgil?" Roman placed his hands over Virgil's shoulders, boy was he glad he didnt have enough blood to blush.

"I dont think this is a good idea- I've been thinking it over and- oh Roman there has to be something else! This is insane!" Virgil pleaded.

"Of course it's insane! That's the point!" Roman said, smiling at him.

"Roman I'm serious! This is dangerous!" Virgil continued.

"Virgil my friend I swear to you this is all perfectly safe! It's only one night! Maybe more if it goes well!" And once again Virgil was being ushered out the door.

He avoided the celebrations for the most part, just thinking about it made him want to vomit.

And then it was December 25th, and Virgil couldnt take it anymore.

Roman may have wanted to take over Christmas, but Virgil knew better, hence why he had decides to make his way to the forbidden isle, upon which lived the disgraced former king of Halloween, and upon which, Santa Claus was being held captive.

Virgil snipped the stitches on one of his legs and allowed it to hop away. It would be difficult to preform a rescue mission minus one leg, but Brennan wasnt exactly smart.

Or so he thought.

"Well well well, isnt this a surprise? Come to rescue Christmas, ragdoll?" Virgil froze halfway down the ladder as he heard Brennan's voice.

"Put your leg back on." Virgil was pulled off the ladder rather unceremoniously, leg shoved back in one hand. Virgil fell back on the floor, heart racing. But he did as told, it wasnt as if he could run after all.

He'd forgotten what Brennan was like, it'd been so long since his rule. He was a gambler, a crooked one at that.

"One more roll of the dice outta do it~" Brennan purred.

Virgil wasnt paying much attention at that point, currently focused on begging for Roman to show up.

And then the table to which he was tied began moving backwards, he screamed, and he fell. But only for a moment, before he was tossed off to the side, and face to face with Roman, who motioned for his silence before latching himself to the board.

Virgil had never been more terrified than he was while watching Roman dodge everything from swords to guns to axes, he let out a wince and reached a hand over his own stitching as Brennan's began to fall apart with a switch.

"Are you alright?" Roman rushed to Virgil's side as soon as he'd finished, holding Virgil's face gently in his hands.

"I'm alright- just a little shaken. . ." Virgil muttered.

"Well I for one have had it with place. Next time you have any bright ideas of taking over someone else's holiday. I'd listen to him, hes the only one who makes any sense around this insane asylum!." It was odd to see a character like Santa so angry, but at this point, Virgil was to tired to focus on much.

He barely flinched when he saw the doctor with another creation, this one more wispy and feminine.

Instead, he went up to Hangman's Hill and lay across the grass.

"My dearest friend, if you dont mind~" Virgil shivered when he heard Roman's voice.

"I'd like to join you by your side~" Roman sat down.

"Where we can gaze into the stars~" and their hands were intertwined.

"And sit together, now and forever, for it is plain as anyone can see," Virgil joined his chorus, resting his head against his chest.

"We're simply meant to be~"

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

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@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@itsnithbabey

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[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Do you think there will be a pink side? - ☔

Oh boy... Good ol’ pink side....

I used to be a huge supporter of the crayon theory which revolved around a poster of patton containing multiple different crayons in the background. There are 7 crayons: a red, yellow, purple, broken blue, orange, green, and pink. I assumed that Patton didnt get a crayon because he was already in the poster, so the blue crayon must have just represented Logan. But there was obviously a pink crayon, so that lead me to believe there would also be a pink side.

As time went on, I drifted away from this idea. Mostly because I think the rainbow theory makes more sense and because Thomas is aleady represented as pink in lots of different way (ie: the character Thomas shirt in which their are 7 flowers on the front, one of each color of the rainbow, and a pink flower on the shoulder to represent Thomas). Also it wouldnt make a whole lot of sense to have more dark sides than light sides, and adding pink would bring the dark sides numbers up to 4 (5 if you include virgil).

That brings us to current day though... And honestly I have no idea what to believe anymore. I’m pretty sure we’ll only have 7 sides, but in POF, text during one of the video game sequences says “Thomas = 8” and that little bit of information has given me high blood pressure since I noticed it.

Basically: I don’t think there is a pink side, but I have no explaination for the hints that have been given to prove otherwise.

[archive-sugamoom]

Unit 0 | 5

Summary: Surprise! You’re back! And not only that you get a case to work on together with Jaebum!!Is this the start of something new? (spoiler alert it is, otherwise it wouldnt be a Jaebum/Reader fic)

Word Count: 2606

Genres:  Drama | Mystery | Crime | Angst | Detective! AU

A/N: It’s been 9 whole months since I last updated this baby. Will it take another 9 months to post the next chapter?? Also I hope u guys enjoyed to Seokjin + Yoongi cameo (I love them)

Character Introduction | Previous

~~~~~~

6 months later.

You stand idle in front of the building you haven’t been in for 6 months. Looking at the sign reading Seoul Police Department you take a deep breath and step inside the building trying to calm the nerves you’re feeling.

Once inside however it feels as if you’ve never left. It makes you smile, happy that the nerves you felt before completely disappeared.

You’re greeted by colleagues that recognize you in the halls of the building as you’re walking towards your destination, the place that you share with your second family. Once in front of the unit you hesitate, debating whether or not to just barge in like you haven’t left at all. You opt for getting inside quietly and slowly open the door hoping to walk in on a scene you’ve seen multiple times before; Bambam and Yugyeom teasing and provoking Jinyoung.

When you open the door you are greeted by Mark, you placed your finger in front of your mouth to keep him quiet so instead of a verbal greeting he mouths ‘hello’. You look around and smile as you see that Bambam and Yugyeom are in fact teasing someone, but it’s not the person you thought it was.

You look at Mark and lean closer to him to whisper, ‘’Why are they teasing Jaebum? Is he their new victim? Also where are Jinyoung, and Youngjae?’’

Mark looks at the three who still haven’t noticed you coming back, and then looks back at you with a little smile. ‘’Jaebum has become their temporary victim, Jinyoung and Youngjae are currently on a case.’’ He whispers back to you.

You nod as you keep quiet to try and hear their conversation.

‘’Hyung, come on girls will dig it if you act cute and all that stuff.’’ Bambam says doing some sort of outdated cute pose himself.

You chuckle as you see Jaebum physically cringe at him and decide it’s time for them to acknowledge your return.

‘’Bambam we both know very well how Jaebum would look like is he acted cute.’’

Hearing your voice the three men look at the source of the sound. You.

Realising it’s you Bambam and Yugyeom run towards you with the brightest smiles on their faces. ‘’Noona!!’’ They exclaim loudly both hugging you.

‘’I missed you Noona!’’ Yugyeom says while hugging you tighter.

‘’I missed you more!’’ Bambam says trying to one-up Yugyeom.

You roll your eyes as they start bickering about who misses you more. ‘’You guys are cute but it is I that missed all of you the most.’’ With that you pat both their backs and wriggle yourself free from them.

It’s then Mark his turn to hug you which you accept gleefully. ‘’It’s good to see you again.’’ He says before pulling away from the hug.

You smile and look at him. ‘’It is great to see you again as well Mark!’’

When you turn your head to look at Jaebum you laugh, as Bambam and Yugyeom started to pester him again.

Jaebum sighs clearly not impressed with his two younger friends.

‘’Oh! I know what you can do Hyung.’’ Bambam says before looking back at you again. ‘’Try to act cute in front of (Y/N) Noona! You can practice with her.’’

‘’No thanks.’’ You and Jaebum say in unison which in result makes the two of you chuckle.

Jaebum nods at you as a greeting. You return it knowing that Jaebum is not the type of person to hug.

The two of you chat for a bit talking about different things before JYP walks in.

‘’Well, well, well, look who we have here.’’ He states walking towards Jaebum and you.

You get up from your seat and smiles. ‘’It’s good to see you again sir!’’

JYP smiles back at you and places a hand on your shoulder. ‘’I will definitely say the same thing about you (Y/N).’’ He says before dropping his smile looking at you with concern. ‘’How are you?’’

You grin and gives him a thumbs up. ‘’I’m all good sir, I’m ready to work again!’’

‘’That is great news because I have something for Jaebum and you.’’ JYP says handing you the casefile he held in his other arm. ‘’Goodluck.’’

-

Jaebum and you head to Yongsan hospital after the two of you read through the casefile JYP gave you. You look through the files once more as Jaebum heads to the reception.

‘’Good morning, I’m Detective Im Jaebum from the SPD. I’m looking for a patient called Lee Eunsook?’’ Jaebum says as he shows his badge.

The receptionist looks at the badge and nods, searching for said name. He looks up at Jaebum. ‘’Patient Lee Eunsook is currently in the ER.’’

Jaebum nods, thanking the receptionist before heading back to you.

‘’And?’’ You ask him closing the casefiles.

‘’We will be heading to the ER.’’ Jaebum says as the two of you head towards the said department.

Once there the two of you look around before heading to the reception that is stationed there.

‘’We are Detective Im and Detective (L/N) from the SPD. We are looking for the patient named Lee Eunsook.’’ You tell the receptionist.

‘’Doctor Seo is currently not available..’’ The receptionist starts, but her eyes lights up as she looks behind the two of you. ‘’However nurse Kim could help the two of you! He’s there behind the two of you~’’ She continues pointing at the tall man.

‘’Thank you.’’ You say heading towards said man.

‘’Excuse us, nurse Kim?’’ You say to him, both you and Jaebum holding out your badge.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’We are from the SPD we’d like to see patient Lee Eunsook?’’ Jaebum states, putting his badge back.

‘’Right detectives~ follow me.’’ Nurse Kim says before leading you two towards Lee Eunsook. ‘’She’s in here.’’ He says opening the curtain a little bit as he steps inside the makeshift room.

Jaebum and you step in afterwards, you close the curtain behind you before walking to one of Lee Eunsook’s sides.

‘’That looks bad.. Lee Eunsook-ah can you hear me?’’ You ask her in hopes that she is able to respond.

‘’Right detectives.. uhh.. We put sedated her, she just kept scratching herself that she ended up bleeding.’’

‘’What made her come here nurse Kim?’’ Jaebum asks as he looks at her arms wrapped in bandages.

‘’Please, call me Seokjin for the time being. However it appears to be that she came in with an overdose of Desomorphin.’’ Seokjin says as he checks if everything is still correct.

‘’Could you tell us more about Desomorphin?’’

Seokjin nods. ‘’It used to be a pain relieving drug in Europe, Switzerland and Russia to be more precise. After some time it wasn’t used as a medical drug anymore, and it became a recreational drug.’’

‘’A recreational drug? Have you any idea what it is called as recreational drug?’’ You ask writing the things Seokjin is saying down.

‘’I do not, it’s quite rare that we have a patient here in South Korea who has an overdosis of desomorphin.’’

‘’Since it’s rare.. is it possible to make it at home?’’ Jaebum asks.

‘’Apparently it is! However I cannot say if the stuff our patient has used is self-made or not. It is being tested in the lab right now.’’

‘’I guess that’s all we have for now. Thank you Nurse Kim for helping us.’’ You say shaking his hand with a smile.

Seokjin smiles back. And says when he shakes Jaebums hand. ‘’Give me your contact number, we will inform you when the patient wakes up or when we have the lab results.’’

The two of you leave the hospital after writing down your numbers, and the number back at the station. Once back in the car you sigh.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Jaebum asks you as he starts the car.

‘’I hoped that Eunsook would have been awake so that we could have gotten more information…’’ you say putting on your seatbelt.

Jaebum nods, doing the same thing ‘’Let’s eat something first and then brainstorm about what to do next okay?’’

You huff and look at him with a small smile. ‘’Sounds like a plan, I’m starving!’’

-

Jaebum eats his ramen as he looks at you staring out of the window. ‘’(Y/N)? Are you still on earth or? (Y/N)??? Hello???’’ He sighs placing down his chopsticks and snaps his fingers in front of you.

Your thoughts break up out of shock and looks at him. ‘’Did you say something to me??’’

‘’I asked if you were still on earth, you’re not eating. I thought you said you were starving back in the car.’’

You look at the bowl of ramen in front of you and chuckles. ‘’Oops I’m sorry, I’ll eat now.’’ You say, grabbing you chopsticks.

Jaebum looks at you as you begin to eat, a small smile forming on his face. ‘’So what has gotten you thinking?’’

‘’The drug, and whether or not it was self-made by her or someone else.’’ You say before eating some more.

Jaebum hums eating the vegetables that are in his bowl. ‘’And what do you think?’’

You shrug and it takes a second before your mouth is empty to talk again. ‘’I know someone who might know about it.’’

‘’And?’’

‘’And we should visit both of her parents houses to see if there are any ingredients that can make desomorphin.’’

‘’We could let Bambam and Yugyeom do that.’’ Jaebum says, finishing his bowl of ramen.

‘’Couwld you cawll Bwambam and Yugyweom?’’

‘’Speak with your mouth empty next time.. But will do.’’ Jaebum says, heading outside to make the call.

-

After you two finish your lunch you head back to the car, once inside you give Jaebum directions to get to your destination.

‘’May I ask who this person is..?’’ Jaebum asks when you’re on a long road.

‘’You may, but I won’t answer it, you’ll just have to see for yourself.’’ You say looking at him with a grin.

Jaebum chuckles and shakes his head. ‘’Then let me ask you something else?’’

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Are you really doing well?’’

Your grin disappears and you look ahead of you. ‘’I’m better than I was six months ago. That’s for sure, why are you asking?’’

Jaebum shrugs, ‘’I guess I still feel a bit guilty about it.’’

‘’There is no need to feel guilty about locking up someone who kills, Jaebum. It’s your.. no it’s our job..’’

‘’Weren’t you mad?’’

You let out a soft chuckle at the question. ‘’At you and the rest of the team? I don’t remember.. But what I do remember is being furious at Changwoo.. I still am actually, it’s just how can you murder someone! And to think that he did it for me?’’ shuddering at the thought you shake your head.

‘’Jinyoung had it really hard.. but I’m sure the two of you have talked about it in the last few months..’’

‘’We did, I’m glad he doesn’t think it’s his fault. Although he probably will apologize again when I see him. Also we have to go right at the next intersection.’’

Jaebum nods deciding that the two of you talked enough about the situation 6 months ago.

-

‘’Is this it…?’’ Jaebum asks, having his car parked in front of the gates of a closed factory.

‘’Yep this is it. Let’s head out I’m sure he’s waiting for us near here.’’ You say taking off the seat belt.

Jaebum complies and does the same thing with a sigh, he gives one more look at the factory. ‘’This looks like some crack-house.’’

‘’Well duh, that’s because it is.’’ With that you get out of the car and look around for the person you’ve wanted to see.

Jaebum gets out of the car slowly and looks at you in shock. ‘’What now? Are you secretly in the mafia or something?’’

Hearing him say that makes you laugh, shaking your head you walk to him and winks. ‘’Yes I am one hundred percent someone from the mafia~’’

Locking his car, Jaebum sighs. ‘’Oh no… Now I am so scared of you.’’

‘’As you should be.’’ Is what you wanted to say but a voice behind you was quicker.

You turn around to identify the person behind you, but smile immediately as you see who it is. ‘’Yoongi my man!’’ You say as you walk to him giving him a tight hug. ‘’It’s been a while since I’ve seen you!’’

The man, now known as Yoongi chuckles and places an arm around you as to hug you back. ‘’That’s not my fault sugar, it’s you that decided to not contact me.’’

You look at him as you two pull away from the hug. ‘’Uhh yeah went through some stuff and left Seoul. Anyways, my partner and I didn’t come here to chitchat with you.’’

Yoongi looks over at Jaebum, who looks at him in return. ‘’New partner huh? What happened to Jinyoung?’’

‘’He’s working on something else.’’ Jaebum says lowering his shoulders and standing taller.

Yoongi snorts. ‘’Alright then, Min Yoongi is the name.’’

‘’Im Jaebum.’’

You look at the two of them and roll your eyes at their behaviour. ‘’Anyways.. we have this case. Do you know anything about the drug Desomorphin?’’ You ask Yoongi.

He looks at you and then at Jaebum. ‘’You mean Krokodil? Sure I do. Why? What happened?’’

‘’A 16 year old girl got sent to the hospital because she had an overdosis. So what do you know?’’ Jaebum asks.

‘’Jeez that’s young. But before you draw me as a suspect let me tell you. I don’t deal with that shit it sucks.’’ Yoongi states taking a cigarette out of his back pocket and lighting it. ‘’Besides I’m not the type of guy who would deal with brats, let alone minors.’’

‘’Yoongi can you tell us a bit more about… Krokodil?’’

Said man shrugs and blows the smoke away from you and Jaebum. ‘’All I know about the drug itself is that it’s called that way because your skin will get fucked up and look like a crocodile.’’

‘’Since you said ‘all I know about the drug’ can you tell us who does know more about it? And who would deal it?’’ You ask.

‘’For you? Always sugar. There’s a gang that might have something to do with it, I see them as the type of group that would target minors and fuck them up. It would be great to see my streets clean so I hope you arrest them like you did with their boss back at Incheon.’’

‘’Boss? Who?’’ Jaebum asks.

‘’Kang what’s his face. The dumbass got arrested for killing a cop, how stupid can you be?’’

‘’Kang Donggun.’’ Jaebum states.

‘’Yes, that’s the guy!’’ Yoongi nods as he repeats the name.

‘’Jaebum… are you alright?’’ You ask as you notice the look on his face.

Jaebum looks at you, he trembles as he thinks of the name again. ‘’We should leave (Y/N). Mr… Min. Thank you for your help.’’

Yoongi nods his head as he puts his hands in his pocket. ‘’You don’t look well so take care, Sugar you look after him right?’’

You nod and wave goodbye as Yoongi leaves you and Jaebum alone. Once alone Jaebum unlocks his car and gets in.

Hurriedly you go to the passenger seat of his car. You look at him in worry. ‘’You know that Kang Donggun?’’ you ask him carefully.

Jaebum drops his trembling hands onto the steering wheel and nods. He sighs before stating in a menacing voice. ‘’He’s the one that shot my partner.’’

Tags: @nshitae

[casually-inlove]

aah i agree im vry disappointed in this chapter ! like its good like usual, but its kind of a let down after the last 5 chapters... ht rly exposed himself minutes before, and comedy aside, MGS answered him by ignoring him, and then saying "were not friends, were not as close as you think we are". it must have been hurtful for HT, its basically a rejection of recognizing HT vulnerabilities. and its totally In character for MGS to say this, so im not disappointed by it 1/?

i mean HT lay his heart down for Mo to see and theyve known each other for 15 DAYS, its too soon for anybody and especially for Mo who have mistrust problems to respond in the same way ? so running away and deflecting the declaration is cool, i wasnt excepting a "ill never abandon u!!" lol. but then HT being cool with this rejection and having a slapstick comedy just after doesnt feel right. mb show HT swallowing and being disheartened, and then put his usual facade and only then have comedy 2/?

would have been good, bc we would have known "oh ht is actually hurt by MGS reaction but doesnt know how to say it, so he plays it cool and change the subject bc hes still not at ease with being vulnerable". a realistic situation would have been "ht tried to be vulnerable but it was too soon, too much for mo who rejected him, so it confirmed ht biased thinking that showing vulnerabilities is bad and it will prevent ht to be vulnerable in front of someone in the near future". 3/?

i mean it could have been a nice although sad conclusion for this mini-arc, especially since ht have been grieving (?) his mother just this morning. a little step back, and then smth else happen and cause ht to crack completely but then mo is able to respond present and its a step forward. ok im daydreaming but that would have been climatic lol. instead this..ah i dont know i feel cheated, i know its ox' work but still haha ! like when they do an abrupt change of scene after an emotional page 4/

its a trick ox use often and after 300 chapters it feels old n cheap. when u engage in a emotional scene, u cant just do "oops i change my mind!!" and put slapstick comedy or ignore totally what just happened and dont have a progression. u have to stay on this road : u cant put traumatizing backgrounds and mafia affairs and mature problems (kidnapping, mother being threatening into prostitution,etc) n just.. not stick with it and making ur characters not traumatized by it and just 'lol comedy'.

sry im kind of monopolizing ur askbox lol, i guess im kind of frustrated ! it just the last chapters were so good and it was a while since ox use this cheap trick of not going through an emotional scene that i kind of forgot how terrible they were at handling transition between drama and comedy. theyre a good artist all in all (or i wouldnt be this disappointed!!), but they have this failing in their writing an it drives me nuts each time lmao. haa i hope next chapter will be better...5/5

Hell yeah, DEFINITELY, that sums up my thoughts. Also, you don't have to apologize, it was an interesting read and I can tell that you feel strongly about it. While I can’t say that I’m flat-out disappointed, as I wrote in my original post, I’m definitely feeling lukewarm and indifferent about the recent ch.

OX touched upon a few serious matters a couple of chapters before: namely She Li’s fucked up goading and the way it unsettled He Tian -- unsettled in no joking manner as follows from his reaction. Then we get He Tian swearing to beat up anyone who dares bully Mo, and the whole profound monologue from the previous chapter. Just as you say, He Tian truly laid himself bare there. One could argue that He Tian listed the reasons he was enamoured with Mo, or one could argue that he subtly commented on the milieu he grew up in, or one can even read it as He Tian admitting/reflecting on his flaws out loud. There are many ways to construe this scene, each of them is extremely meaningful. Not to mention it took HT visible effort to say these things out loud.

The problem which both you and I noticed is that OX left this mini-arc/mini-subplot unresolved. Instead, they abruptly switched to comedic relief. Much like you, I wasn’t expecting a big reaction from Mo -- no grand verbal declarations at very least. What I expected was a panel (maybe a close up of Mo’s face as I mentioned in my original post) that indicated he actually HEARD what HT told him, that it gave Mo some food for thought. 

As you mention, Mo getting disconcerted and doing the tsun-tsun escape is fairly in character for him. Still, a panel like this would have been very welcome to emphasize his confusion and to justify him not gracing the other boy with an answer, ignoring HT showing his underbelly (which is something that doesn't come easy for him, as we readers know). Okay, sure, OX handled it differently this chapter -- we get Mo silently running away and blurting out the first comeback he could think of. No problem. It works to show that HT’s words had an effect on him, albeit it’s much less pronounced, than, say, the Aquarium scene -- again one would have to wonder why: HT’s “don’t abandon me” is just as strong, if not stronger, than “I’m afraid you’ll forget me”, so it follows that Mo should have been just as affected.

The problem is the way an emotionally charged moment quickly fizzled out into comedy. As you said, Mo blurting out “we are not friends, we are not familiar enough, so I don’t care what you think (of me)!” SHOULD have hit HT harder. Just minutes before we had HT being genuinely disturbed by the idea of someone looking to intentionally hurt Mo, seeking physical comfort, being disquieted by the idea of getting abandoned and losing someone he likes, confessing that he admires the other boy -- yet when Mo utters yet another curt rejection of sorts, we are not shown HT’s reaction, which, logically, should have been there. 

And all of that emotional build-up is cheapened by an accidental dick slap comedy. 

Indeed, showing HT being hurt (disquieted? deflated?) and then putting on a cool guy mask, and ONLY then switching to a slapstick humour would have been more appropriate. It wouldn’t have taken a big or an overly dramatic scene either -- just, IDK, show HT’s eyes widening, or his throat clicking, or his posture slumping, anything to indicate that Mo’s words affected him -- that the whole thing mattered to him. Otherwise, it leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth: “so Imma confess to the person I like and swear to protect them and beg them to put up with me -- oh! forget anything serious that I said, Imma touch some dick now”. While I don't have an issue with comedy coming into focus again, I do wish it hadn't been this abrupt. Had there been a better transition between these scenes, there wouldn't be this "lol jk" vibe that I’m getting.

So yeah, I, too, feel a little cheated. OX certainly has an issue with drama-comedy transitions, which are sort of hit-and-miss for me. Sometimes they work well to alleviate the grave mood, other times they appear to be out of place. The recent chapter is the latter case. Dangling a possibility of climatic resolution for the subplot and then intentionally subverting it just doesn’t work in favour of the plot here. It cheapened the emotional part and made the comedy feel much less fun for me. Of course, no one says that writing is an easy task. Plenty of mangakas, for instance, work with writers to strengthen their script and plots, so it’s challenging when a single person is responsible for both drawing and planning the story. OX is undoubtedly doing a tremendous job. Still, I wish they wouldn’t stick to using the old trick this monastically because it's becoming a trite writing device and works against them on occasion. It’s totally fine to keep the comic light-hearted yet it’s not good to ignore the needed dramatic development.

[bellamygateoldblog]

firstly i wanna say im not the best at fully expressing myself, so apologies if anything i mention feels underdeveloped or glossed over.

i wanna say i personally loved the decision skamita made in having eva & marti’s situations in the clip because while it was hard to watch, it was real. things like this happen on a daily basis, so i liked that it wasnt the main focus of the clip. the entire party was chaotic and had different characters stuggling with different situations, just like in life. it’s important to address this stuff, of course, but their realism is in the non-romancisim of these aspects of life. the confusion and hurt of marti after being verbally attacked like that was shown so clearly, through the loud music, the harsh lighting, the other people around him (who didnt know him) not even noticing something was wrong. we felt what marti felt; shocked, confused, hurt. it doesnt have to be ‘your season’ in life for these things to happen and be addressed. it seemed to come out of nowhere because this shit does come out of nowhere all the time and nobody really knows how they will handle situations like this until theyre fully in one themselves.

eleonora was spooked by everything that happened, and she was uneasy and had to remove herself from the situation. she knew eva and marti were now safe, but she, herself, didnt feel safe, so she needed some time to collect herself (just because it didnt happen to her doesnt mean it didnt also affect her). i dont personally believe that was ooc. she’s the ‘mama bear’ of the group and shes always taking care of other people, but in a situation like that people react in ways they wouldnt have otherwise been able to predict, and i imagine the panic was already setting in by the time edoardo stepped in and kicked them out. so much just happened so fast and by the end of the night eleonora surely felt powerless, but she realised she did have control over one thing that night, and thats her feelings for edoardo and what she chooses to do with them. so she followed after him and let herself finally feel her emotions. and i like to think that her witnessing how marti couldnt fully express himself without being confronted (for lack of a better word) was one of the driving forces for her finally admitting to herself and to edoardo what she was feeling.

both situations were so important to address, and the way they did it was in a way ive never actually seen before, the fact that life just went on after really put things into perspective that this isnt just some drama in a show, that this could be somebody’s, anybody’s, reality at any point, even when we least expect it.

[actor-mark]

Ending and Recap

Hell folks! Marks mun here. Our ARG/Interactive Story is done and I want to thank everyone who came into the server and those of you who followed the blog along. Thank you so much for your interest in this and helping to tell this story. I wanted to put a proper and final close on things and to recap everything that happened for those who may have missed something. We are currently planning a new ARG and taking suggestions in the server, right now our top contender is a film noir eaque Abe based ARG perhaps a murder mystery or hunting Wilford down in one of their stories. Who knows! If youre interested in joinin the next one let us know! It wont be as limited as this one was and will allow folks to play canon characters too! So without further ado heres the recap ------------------ A strange invitation was floating by you, a flashy and eleborate dinner party at some fancy place named Mortem Manor. You thought nothing of it at first until you spotted your name in big golden writing upon it. A little odd but after picking it up you felt a pull to go to this place. Without even looking it up you seemed to know where it is and by the evening you were knocking on the door having traveled all the way there but with no real memory of the journey, all you knew was it took a long time to get there. Upon entering the manor you were greeted by the butler who encouraged you to make yourself at home, and then directed to the greeter named Allistair. An older gentleman that looked like he was two steps away from deaths door, shallow eyes and an eerie stare. He spoke not a word but took your coat and lead you to the current populated room be it the living room or the dining room or even outside. Here you met the other party goers, others who like you received an invitation from seemingly nowhere and all just as confused as you were. If youd been one of the firsts it was a few days before Mark, the owner of the manor, showed his face but shortly after those coming in would meet him right away or even be greeted at the door by him. Immediately Mark gave off bad vibes, too welcoming and easy to explode yet he seemed to do his best to stop that anger from happening. He tried his hardest to make sure each and every guest was comfortable, going out of his way to make comfy sofas and beds to be slept on...yes time was odd in this place... Breakfast was had at 9...though it was uncertain if this was 9am or 9pm it felt like much later. One particular guest seemed to have Marks full attention, so much so that other guests were now being completely ignored and it was clear this whole thing was purely for this one guest. A man going by the name of Light but really named Damien. This of course had Mark convinced that he was THE Damien. Sometime after lunch, the Butler, a suave and handsome man named Benjamin, went missing, with only one guest hearing what had happened and suspected hed been killed in Marks rage. The Maid, a blue haired young man in a skirt named Ethan, took over and was clearly running stressed at the work of two. Strange things were happening in this house, Light even seeing many of the dead in the upper hallway and getting trapped there for a while until Allistair came to silently rescue him. Now most certainly concerned about this place Light wanted nothing to do with the dinner that was sure to soon follow. By now many of the guests had noticed that the exterior of the house frequently changed with no real pattern, but it stopped for a long time in one particular garden with a small shed in the back. Taking the dogs Chica Henry and Spencer out into the yard with everyone Light did his beat to investigate that shed without Marks notice but the creak being too loud he opted out of it. Out of time Mark wuickly hurried everyone back inside but not before Light had discovered the house was in fact spinning on the spot. Having gotten stuck in one place before it changed once more with everyone safely back inside. Shortly after Light discovered that he could in fact slip between worlds, visiting the uoside down as easily as Mark could, but kept this information to himself. He challenged Mark to a game and won information. The exterior moves but why Mark didnt say. Mark in turn won a game through cheating and managed to have Light agree not to leave when the exterior "realigned" fortunately for Mark hed already tricked them into passing that opportunity by going outside with the dogs when it had already done so. At this point a new guest arrived by the name of Mr Sharp, otherwise known as The Phantom. A powerful spirit that had made a deal with Mark to buy this house. A house of the dead. Prior to his arrival at Mortem Manor, Phantom had been dealing with something of a nightmare. A previous ARG named Serverwatch had events leading up to the death of Darkiplier, however soon after its closure, Sharp had been dealing with an odd entity haunting him one that he had trouble seeing which made him curious. Before he could do much to contain it a nightmarish creature slendermanesque was stalking after him, and after finding a small green blood stone he was suddenly sent into the upside down and found himself at the manor. The trip had taken a huge toll on Sharp, going days without food water or sleep. Moving from March 30th to May 13th. He barely made it upstairs to a room when Light encountered him. Sharp gave Light the small green stone to keep safe from Mark. Light could even now hear two odd voices. One from the stone and another seeming to come from Sharp whenever he was close enough. Convinced to come to dinner Light helped Sharp downstairs but as they reached the inner hallway they came across Allistair. His eyes were glowing blue and he didnt seem himself. Surely enough Mark appeared demanding they move aside while Ethan aimed a shotgun. A Hollow is a corpse, reanimated and possesed by a spirit not belonging to that body and then the spirit flees it leaving only an empty shell. This shell still animated acts like a sombie but takes orders from those with a soul spirit. That someone being Mark. However Allistair seemed to have broken his bindings to Mark and before Mark could order Ethan to take the shot, Phantom was able to contain Allistair withing his cane. Annoyed by this mark left and before he too parted Ethan declared that there were many more Hollows. At this point Abe the Detective had arrived after someone supposedly called in about a murder (Ben) and Mark quickly deflated his accusations. Finally arriving at dinner the Chef had put on wuite the spread for them including Bread Rolls that soon became a server meme they were that good. Mark insisted that he had entertainment after dinner such as poker and a performance with himself as the starring role of course. Still confused Abe tucked in and conversations errupted about the past, especially since at some point somewhere Warfstache had also arrived and bestowed milkshakes to everyone at the table. Mark insisted that the old manor happenings had been a joke or a performance, a murder mystery. Clearly no harm had been done if they were all still here alive and well. Abe chose to believe him for now and Wilfords agile mind soaked it up like water to a sponge, just happy that his friends were all here and enjoying themselves over dinner. Once dinner was done, Mark led them to the poker room where they talked. Ever since taking the stone from Sharp it had been burning a hole in Lights pocket going hot then cold then hot again. Annoyed with Marks behavior, Light began picking at him for it. Maybe Celine wouldnt have left if hed been kinder, maybe Amy would like him if he wasnt such a prick. Mark stormed out and one of the guests took after him to make sure things were okay. Shortly after a gunshot rang out but not before Phantom fell asleep only to reveal hed been carrying Celine with him the entire time. Once The Phantom had passed out in his exhaustion Celine took over. Abe managed to help Celine find what Mark was hiding in the room then hurried out after Light. Light and Abe rushed to make sure that the guest was ok and oddly enough they were, Mark declared Abes gun, formly won from him in an upside down dice game Mark had again cheated at, had simply gone off in the drawer, even if there was no evidence. They were interrupted by the ground shaking as Celine broke what Mark had sealed away. Hurrying after Mark Abe Light and Wilford discovered a huge stage in the upside down where the poker room used to be. Its audience made up entirely of Hollows and the guests of the manor. Mark and Celine stared each other down before Celine hurled Sharps cane at him in an attempt to pierce his black dead heart. Mark wasnt falling for it again and caught the cane. A bad thing to happen. Phantoms cane contained the souls of thousands of powerful people. Magicians sorcerers demons anyone willing to make a contract. Now at Marks control. In an attempt to help Light stepped between them however the closer proximity to Celine had the stone in his pocket turn to lava temperatures and he quickly pulled it free. The stone... It was Damien. Light threw the stone to Celine but with the new power Mark caught it and floated it over to his own hand, crushing it with a vile laugh. Blue smoke seeping from the stone quickly made its way towards Light. In an attempt to stop Damien Mark began to draw his soul into the cane but was quickly stopped by a table cracked over his head from Celine. Connected with Light Damien took control and abandonning her current puppet of Phantom, Celine reunited with her brother taking the new form of Darkiplier and stealing the cane from Mark once more Mark grinned commanding his army of Hollows to attack, but Dark knew better. It was a sacrifice he knew, one that would have Phantom suffer for a long time but one that had to be made. He shattered the cane freeing the souls inside and each soul connected to a Hollow, breaking the hold Mark once had. In a fit of rage, Mark demanded his only remaining Hollow, Ethan, to incite a spell at the burial site of his old body, but Ethan too had broken control and instead of protecting him, burnt his body instead. The result caused a backdraft effect, black fire consuming the whole manor. With a final punch to the jaw from Abe, Mark went down. Dark ushered everyone out but Wilford made sure everyone of the guests made it out okay, even going back for the body of the guest who had indeed been shot by Mark. In his final moments Mark declared hed return laughing as his soul scattered into the black flames. Dark fled and Wilford warped Abe to somewhere in the Bahamas, getting a drink for them and then laughing out a "catch me if you can detective" Once the place had burnt to the ground the outside realigned again, the shed from the garden still standing. A dark and mysterious entity peering out before closjng the door again. Seems experiments were going to get interesting from here. ------ Again thank you everyone for joining, and thank you for reading! We hope to see you on our next adventure! - Mort/Mark

[jesskasb]

okay you have inspired me to explain my spectrum

in season 2 episode 3, reigen asks dimple why an evil spirit would stalk a human, and dimple responds he doesnt know because spirits cant have sexual drives since they dont have reproductive organs- reigen responds:

the conversation ends immediately after when reigen says he doesnt want to talk to dimple about this. NOW, my conclusion is that reigen doesn't really see a relationship between sex and love, and what he says implies that maybe he's fallen in love before but doesn't feel sexual attraction at all.

i think this really speaks of his lack of self esteem when it comes to his "true self" and how he'd like someone to love him even after seeing that, but also how he either 1) doesn't notice he's popular with the lady clients or 2) he's perfectly aware they like it and uses that to his advantage... and i personally heavily lean towards the latter because of the massage scene and how it can be turned into Profit.

and now for my conclusive personal opinion is that reigen can fuck if he wants to but wouldnt go out of his way to do so i guess?

my conclusion: i think reigen knows about his "popularity with the lady clients" and uses it for profit only, and objectively understands how people feel about sex but he personally doesn't connect to those feelings. he knows romance. also, he fucks

to juxtapose with edgeworth ->

we've all seen it a hundred times: the famous unnecessary feelings line

this line has been talked about a hundred times, so to reiterate it's clear that he has never felt thesesort of emotions before phoenix. unlike reigen, who i believe has been in love before mob psycho takes place. and the thing about this line is that the unnecessary feelings can be interpreted as even more than romantic— the whole foundation of edgeworth's life is being shaken

even up to aai, this is what edgworth responds with when kay says two other characters haven't agreed/decided to date yet:

this dude doesn't know how a relationship works. reigen gives dating advice to tsubomi's friends, mob, and even comments how tome shouldn't have brought hoshiro to spirits and such because its simply not a romantic place, indicating he knows what romance dating should be like and how they usually work.

my final "evidence" is this. edgeworth doesn't know how he affects women! he isn't aware of his charm or physical attractiveness, unlike reigen who i think knows and uses it to his advantage while not sparing much thought about it, and edgeworth probably won't stop thinking about what sort of "frothing desire" he inspires without really figuring out unless someone tells him, because he doesn't really see himself in the kind of "sexual" or "charming" light they do.

the real question is, does edgeworth fuck? nope. like i said, this is just my personal headcanon, but he doesnt fuck and doesn't want to

my conclusion: miles edgeworth didn't know about his appeal to the ladies and now that he does, he feels negatively about it. he doesn't think about sex, objectively or otherwise. he didn't dwell on romatic feelings before phoenix. also, he does not fuck

but this is all conjecture and opinion so yeah!

[inmomni]

No. 16

What is wrong with me

It seems like at every twist and turn, my feelings, my state of being is always at the mercy of something else: blood sugar is bad, i havent vaped in a while, i feel like i want to smoke, small things that set me off, these days small things that annoy the hell out of me, and the list goes on.  I used to not care, things wouldnt bother me, whether it was because, like Mindy said, I didnt care enough in the beginning to have things affect me, or just cause it wasnt really a big deal.  But now, it seems that every little thing is the end of the world if i dwell on it long enough. Its always tied back to my character, and who I am, and always comes back to thinking about how shitty of a person i am.  Its like the opposite of narcissism, where its more in a  self-depricating light, where i cannot detach myself from certian situations to make it all about myself. I always have to be the issue, I am always the problem.  And honestly, there isnt a way that i have found yet to talk myself out of this.  Like today with mindy, the noise was really annoying of her moving the laptop around on top of her bed.  I asked her to turn the volume down, the input volume, so i directed her after it got petty-ly unbearible, to the place where she could lower the input or switch it to her headphones.  But during the entire thing, i was thinking about how petty this was, and how emotional i was getting over this seemingly not a big deal situation.  In my head, me welling up with frustration was indicating the cracks in my character as I perceive them.  Why was i getting mad over this? Why is this setting me off? Then I began to think, “Inmo get this under control otherwise youre not going to be able to talk with Mindy tonight and that will spell certain disaster for the next day to come.” My mindset then changed to, “okay, how do i get out of this spiral”, so i whipped out New Morning Mercies and started reading, i took a couple more hits of the vape, and I tried to calm down.  But by that point, my face was screaming “IM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD” and Mindy was starting to take notice.  By that point, I was going full blast at myself:  “Youre terrible” “Why are you in such a bad mood?” “Youre ruining Mindy’s mood too at this point, and i bet she just wanted to end her day nicely with her boyfriend” “You cant even give her that?” “Im SorryIm SorryIm SorryIm SorryIm SorryIm SorryIm SorryIm Sorry...”

That seems to be my favorite phrase these days, “I’m Sorry”, for all the crap im bringing to the table, to the countless days where i have ruined everything cause of my foul temper, for influencing you in ways that are not good, for the hurt and pain i am causing you for not getting my act together, for not being the type of boyfriend you need at this point, for being so immature in my thinking, for doing so many stupid things to hurt you, for constantly breaking down in front of you, for lying to you, for not being the same type of person as you to spend all day with, for needing my time away from you, for not being adequate for you (in my own head when you tell me that im doing okay, and i dont believe you), for saying stupid shit, for being late all the time, for being so lazy, for not going out, for not being good about planning dates or keeping my word at times, for lacking respect in myself therefore not trusting you as much as i should sometimes, for lashing out when its my shit im going through and i dump it on you, for always seeming to make excuses, for not owning up to my mistakes, for not knowing/freezing up when i need to move “Im sorry” into action, for still making so many mistakes...I just feel so guilty at this point,  Everytime i mess up  seems to be adding to a stack i can never repay.  I need to learn how to move on, to get over it and keep going.  I stop at every crack and uneven patch of pavement, wondering why is it like this when i could simply jualjnfskfjas;kdfhja;sfjbha sl.  

I broke down yesterday... again.  God, im scared,  Of what im becoming.  Because it doesnt seem like this is the kind of person you want me to be. Actually, maybe i dont even know who you want me to be.  I dont know anything about myself, at least in a correct lens of how you view me and how you feel about me.  Maybe i still imagine you as a king in the clouds, sitting on his throne with a quiver of lighting bolts ready to smite me whenever i fuck up.  Maybe i dont understand this kind of love that is so radical enough to love me, to want me, to have the best things in mind for me.  God, I want to know myself in a way that you know/see me.  Teach my about myself, reveal the true condition of my heart, in a gospel centered way.  One that points out the mess but gets to work on it, not the kind that just points and stares.  And God, would you protect Mindy.  I know you have her best interests in mind and that youre constantly looking out for her.  God i want to pray that tonight she sleeps in peace cause i really messed up.  I think i made her feel like my bad mood was a direct result of herself.  Which it wasnt, and i cant pinpoint why it flipped just by that damn sound, making me even more frustrated and causing me to spiral even deeper to the point where my mood is soiled.  Fix me God, I need your grace in my life. I need it so bad, the mercies that are new every morning, i need it. I need it to survive and to be with you, my sustinance.  God, help me to do QT tomorrow morning, to reflect and start the day with you.  And as i go into tomorrow, would you be my strength, my power, my sanity, my all.  Jesus i need you.  Jesus i want to know you so much more.  God save me.  I need you.