#chapter is dedicated to alohaspaceman

[cowandcalf]

Writer’s Month 2020 - To Find A Way

Epilog Ohana

Chapters 1 -13

Chapter 14

Three months later

Danny peels an orange and watches with amusement and a warm fuzzy feeling in this stomach how Aunt Deb conquers the kitchen at the McGarrett's house.

"Danny, be so kind as to hand me the spatula over there?"

"Where have you learned to cook for a whole crew?" Danny reaches over to hand her the cookware. He darts a quick look out the window. The backyard is crowded with all their friends and family who gathered today to celebrate a special ceremony for little Kalea. He hauls himself up to sit on the countertop neatly nestled in the corner out of Aunt Deb's way but still in the middle of things. He eats the luscious orange with delight, licking the juice off his fingers.

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She lifts her head and stretches to her full height, wiping a hand at the white apron. She smiles wisely with so much love, it warms Danny from head to toe. "I've spent years in the show business. Do you have any idea how starved we were after a performance on stage?" Aunt Deb's laugh comes deep from within her gut. It's so strange and unexpected Danny freezes, intrigued by this dazzling personality in front of him. Steve has the most fascinating relatives.

"You performed? On stage?" Danny askes with wonder in his voice. "As in dancer? Singer?"

"A singer and the dancing just happened. Hell, yeah, those were the good ol' days. Crazy, sometimes no money in the pocket but, God, did we love it. We had fire in our hearts and were ready to conquer the world. We had so much fun!" Aunt Deb's voice was filled with a hint of wistfulness. "But family is the most important thing in the world. I came home after my sister-in-law died. I wanted to be there for Steve and Mary. But – " She nods firmly over where Danny hangs on her lips not to miss a single moment, "yes, I and my crew often ended up hungry in the bar's kitchen where we had our gig. The best parties were celebrated in various kitchens. We knew some of the owners. They enjoyed a private concert while I made a late-night dinner for the whole team. Those were great and fun times. We could eat and entertain like no one else." She tells in a sparkling, enticing way that charms Danny on the spot.

Danny forgets to eat his orange and kind of jerks from the spell he's under when Mary floats into the kitchen. Her cheeks are pink and her eyes shine like stars. She looks beautiful and motherhood suits her well. She spreads happiness into the air like a new brand of air freshener.

"Aunt Deb's stories as a singer captivates everyone, right Danny?" She pats Danny's knee and flashes him one of those famous McGarrett smiles before she walks up to her aunt to hug her around the waist. "Aunt Deb is the queen of homemade food. She's famous for her roast and for the best stuffed turkey at Thanksgiving." Mary steals a sweet potato slice freshly out of the oven. "Mmm, God, it's pure manna! Tastes good, Aunt Deb." Mary pants to cool the hot vegetable in her mouth.

Aunt Deb chides her about eating with her fingers and makes her take a plate. Mary kisses her cheek and comes closer to lean into Danny.

"Where's your baby girl, Mary?" Danny snatches a piece from her plate.

"Steve's carrying her around. She's hungry and whiny. I need to feed her." Mary pricks Danny's finger with the fork to make him back off. "Those are mine. Have some of your own. You haven't even finished your orange. I'm hungry. I need to produce milk."

Danny chuckles and shoves the slice of warm, spicy-sweet potato in his mouth. It mixes with the taste of orange. "Whoa, these are madly tasty. You have to teach me how to get it that delicious, Aunt Deb."

Aunt Deb smiles knowingly and hums a melody. She turns when Steve walks in.

Danny's eyes are glued to how Steve gently cradles the youngest offspring of the McGarrett family in his arms – baby Kalea. Danny can't get enough of the soft and tender expression on Steve's face whenever he carries his niece. He's the proudest uncle Danny has ever seen, overprotective over both, mother and child. Kalea is embedded in a warm-hearted, wonderful family of which Danny and Grace and even Rachel and Stan are now a part of it too. It's overwhelmingly wonderful.

"Hey, Danny, here you are. I've been looking for you everywhere." Steve steers right into the corner where Danny still sits on the kitchen counter.

"Did you miss me?" Danny asks and strokes with a finger featherlight over Kalea's tiny head, wrapped protectively in a tiny cotton cap. "The best stories you always get waiting for the food in the kitchen."

"Aunt Deb rocks," Steve answers with a laugh. "I still love to listen to all her stories." Steve rocks his niece gently. She complains about how she feels with a small voice and lets everyone know she's upset. "Is she okay, Mary? I couldn't calm her." Steve sounds worried. "Kawika said she's just hungry."

"Yes, my sweet girl needs her milk. Look she searches with her mouth to find the food station but your dry as a desert, dear brother. Come, let's go upstairs. I need somewhere to sit comfortably and away from loud voices. She gets startled easily. I need her to drink quietly and afterward, she'll sleep peacefully."

Danny watches how Steve's cheeks flush adorably when Mary tells him how useless he's to a hungry baby with no milk to provide. "Go upstairs, Steve. Help Mary to get comfortable with cushions. Take Grace's and Nahele's pillows too. She needs to be all propped up with all kinds of support to relax.

"Okay, come on Mary," Steve signals with his head to head upstairs. "You can sit on our bed. It's big and it's quiet. No one will disturb you. I'll carry her. Eat up." Steve rubs soothingly over Kalea's back. She whimpers and pumps with her small legs. She's getting agitated.

Mary shoves the plate with the rest of her veggies into Danny's hand. "Let's go, Punk. She's working herself up into a mood. She's hungry. I don't want her to start crying. She would be too upset to drink. Come on, Steve. Let's go." Mary almost rushes outside.

Steve kisses the baby's head. "Sit tight, Danno. I'll be back."

Danny watches Steve leave the kitchen. He forces himself to slowly finish the rest of Mary's vegetables. He saves the three last slices of orange for Steve. Aunt Deb sings a wonderful, slow tune, immersed in getting the main course ready for the crowd. Danny knows she gives him the space he needs. No talking. He blinks furiously to clear his vision. Danny smells the grilled meat while he chews almost meditatively on a potato slice to make his chest unclench. Kamekona is the proud barbecue chef of today's family celebration. The animated chatter and the occasional outburst of laughter filters through the back door. It's the happiness that constricts Danny's throat and makes his chest uncomfortably tight. He's glad Aunt Deb doesn't want to pick a conversation.

Danny waits for Steve at the bottom of the stairs. He balances the three orange pieces on his palm. Everyone is somewhere else. He's alone for precious five minutes. He debates in his head if he should sneak upstairs to call for Steve to tell him he's about to go looking for the kids. He knows it takes time to feed a baby. Grace had trouble to suck properly and she was a slow drinker. Rachel never minded. She loved those bonding times with Grace. They were precious. She wanted them to last. Danny envied her for those moments, those most intimate moments when a mother breastfed her baby. It hurt him that he would never know how this might feel. It must be incredible and soul-altering beautiful.

He lifts his head. Steve silently comes down the stairs. His eyes find Danny's and Danny feels how Steve sinks into him, touching him on the inside like he always does in the same insane way.

"Hey, babe," Danny gets greeted with a soft press of lips, "how's it going? Is she drinking?"

"Yes, they're fine. I made sure Mary feels comfortable. I haven't checked but the sucking sound told me she soon will fall asleep with her little belly full of milk." Steve's cheeks are still colored pink.

"You didn't stay?" Danny leans into Steve's touch and welcomes Steve's tender, consuming kisses.

"I – no, I don't know. It didn't seem appropriate."

"Appropriate? Why? It's a mother breastfeeding her baby. The most natural and most wonderful thing in the world." Danny pulls back a little and sees how Steve's face is flushed.

"It's my sister, Danny. It's – I don't know, kind of too intimate to sit and to watch the baby suckle at Mary's nipple. Kawika is allowed to see this, not me, not her brother. I – " Steve gazes sheepishly at Danny, holding his face between his large, rough hands. "Did you watch Rachel and Grace?" He asks a bit breathless.

Danny's face lit up in a warm smile. "Yes, I did. It was beautiful, full of love and peace. It hit me every time how powerful this simple act of deep love is. A mother nurtures her baby like women have done over centuries."

Steve's eyes take him in, wander over his face. "You're so special. Do you know this, Danny?"

Danny breathes in Steve's scent when Steve drags his lips along his cheek to get to his eyes, giving him butterfly-light kisses on his closed eyelids. Steve pulls him into a hug. "I kinda felt excluded, too." Danny adds, "and sometimes I was jealous of not having this deep bond with my daughter.  As a man, you miss out on so much intimacy but I loved to sit there and be a part of something bigger."

Steve rests his chin on Danny's head. "Mary said it was okay if I wanted to stay. She's such a great mother. I'm so happy for her and Kawika. But still. I guess it was too much. I felt a bit overwhelmed, to be honest." Steve mumbles into Danny's hair.

"Eat a slice of orange. It helps to deal with the overload." Danny brings his hand up and Steve turns his head.

Danny sighs when Steve doesn't let go but signals him to bring his hand to his lips. He pulls his abs taut when Steve's lips graze over his palm to catch the orange pieces. He chews and swallows and smiles at him. Steve's tongue licks the juice from Danny's palm. "Steve, you gotta stop this – "

"Why? No one's here. Just us." Steve sucks Danny's digit into his mouth and runs his tongue alongside with a glint in his eyes.

"Hold this thought," Danny tries to free his captured finger. He feels the heat spread into his groin. Steve gets this heated look. He smiles lasciviously when he grabs Danny's wrist and holds it firmly. "Steve," Danny tries a stern tone and fails completely. "Give me back my finger. Don't be a dick. The backyard is full of guests. Aunt Deb is cooking in the kitchen." Danny hisses but laughs and maybe he also moans.

"Make me," Steve says with a smoky voice.

"Make you what?" Danny's hips push forward. Not good.

"Make me give you back your finger." Steve mumbles. His mouth sucks at Danny's finger, running his tongue like velvet over the finger buried in his mouth.

"Jesus, Steve! I can't sport a hard-on at a family gathering. Your father is outside. Maybe he's already looking for us." Danny grasps at straws. He laughs at Steve's expression and how that magical word sobers him up instantly. He gives Danny his finger back.

"That was a mean one," Steve says with a gruff voice.

Danny's amused and flattens Steve's already flat shirt with his other hand. "Don't challenge me, big guy," he grins. "Have you seen the kids recently?"

Steve wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. "Not since I've stepped into the kitchen with Kalea. I told Kamekona to keep an eye on them. I mean, Rachel and Stan are still outside. So are Kono, Chin, Kawika – everyone keeps an eye on Grace and Nahele and they're with Jeanne. They don't go far."

"Come, I need to wash my hands. I wanna know what they've been plotting. They've become so wild." Danny grabs at Steve's shirt and pulls him in for another kiss. "And then we spent some time with your father."

Danny calls out to the crowd gathered around the colorfully decorated tables. "Hey everyone, have someone spotted the kids and Jeanne? I haven't seen them in a while."

Kamekona points with the burger spatula in the direction where the beach is. "Don't worry, Danny, the keikis are with gramps at the beach."

"Gramps?" Steve snorts walking behind Danny.

"Your father, grandpa McGarrett, Steve," Kawika comes up to stand beside Steve. He throws an arm around his shoulder and heartedly pats his chest. He grins like a loon.

"You worry too much, Danny," Kono calls over where she's invested in a conversation with Rachel.

"I worry too much?" Danny mocks indignation. "They always turn up without their shirts or shorts. Wet and sandy, although they know they aren't allowed to be even near the ocean. And there are sharks out there!" Danny complains, pointing with his outstretched arm to the wild sea that sloshes against their doorstep.

"Danny, you're overdramatic. They're never alone near the water. They're not that silly to walk into the surf." Rachel answers with a soft voice and a laugh.

Danny's eyes are wide. Rachel sits relaxed in a comfortable chair with a pillow stuck behind her back. She has a flower tucked behind her ear and Stan watches her with a stupidly happy smile. Pregnancy suits her well. Grace is going to have a sibling soon. Danny inhales deeply. "You're not allowed to do that, Rachel. She's your daughter, too. You have to be on my side. "

"I'm on your side, Daniel and as I said, don't be so dramatic. John is with them. They're alright."

"There are no sharks out there, Danny. I'd feel them. Your keikis are safe." Mamo's soothing voice comes from the other side of the table.

"I don't even want to know how you would sense if there were sharks swimming around." Danny's brows are furrowed. He's not yet used to all the Hawaiian mambo jambo about 'the sea speaks to me' and 'the wind tells me when to hang my laundry to the west' and 'when it's the right time to plant the seeds because the earth is ready to embrace her children'. Steve has told him that once and he still can't wrap his mind around how someone could feel that.

"Wait until you see the surfboards I've made for Grace and Nahele," Kawika informs everyone.

Danny sputters and turns around. He points with a fierce finger at Kawika and jabs his left pec hard. "Don't. You. Talk. About. Freaking. Surfboards.!" Jab, jab, jab. "What is wrong with you?" Danny calls Rachel for help. "Rachel! Tell me you haven't agreed to that crazy plan?"

"Kono and Mamo are with them. Kawika surfs since he's a child. We're in Hawaii, Danny. Surfing is the way of life here." Rachel smiles gorgeously and leans back against her fluffy pillow.

"Who are you?" Danny stammers.

"Danno," Steve's beloved rumble makes Danny keep his balance. "No shark will eat one of our kids. They will see the dolphins, as I have promised. And we will start in the shallow water. Mamo knows the sea like no one else. Trust the locals. Grace and Nahele will be fine."

Danny kind of deflates and leans into the invisible support Steve provides. "Okay, okay. One step at the time."

Kawika has still his arm around Steve's shoulder. He looks like he's completely drunk on happiness. "How's Mary and my baby. They okay?"

Steve's moved easily these days. Danny gets all the mushy vibes Steve gives off. He tries to keep a solid frame but it suits him well to be all gooey on the inside while the outer shell is a rock-hard and muscled and fierce as always. "Yes, Mary's fine. Your little one drinks as if there's no tomorrow." He squeezes Kawika's hand. His gaze drifts off to the beach. "So, you're telling me my dad is at the beach with Grace and Nahele?"

"Oh look, here they come!" Danny shouts and waves back when Grace calls his name. "And here we go. What have I told you? No shirts, sandy and wet."

They walk closer. Nahele and Grace hold on to John's hands. He leads the kids up to where everyone waits. Grace bounces excitedly and Nahele giggles his sweet laugh with his head thrown back.

"What – " Danny can't hide his smile either. The kids are so loose and content, "what happened to your shirts?" Danny's hand makes a complicated move. He also stares at John McGarrett. His pants are rolled up to his knees and the rim of his pants is wet. They have been in the water. "Hey, John, thanks a lot for taking care of them."

"No worries, Danny, it's a joy to be with them. We had fun, right kids?"

"Yesss!" Nahele shouts and shoves the shells he has found at the beach into Danny's hands. "Keep them for me."

"Where's your shirt, young man?" Danny tries to give him a stern look. But God, he's so irresistible with his smile and he's Grace's best friend.

"I gave it to Grace."

"Why?

"She likes it. Jeanne needed a shirt too." Nahele sighs dramatically as if Danny asks to most boring questions. "I'm hungry." He whines.

"Go wash your hands, put on a new shirt. You know where they are. In your dresser, bottom drawer. And you too, Grace. You know, I could buy you a spiderman shirt any day if you wanted one." He has tried so many times but her answer stays the same.

"I like wearing Nahele's shirts. He doesn't mind." She peeps and pulls at her pigtails before she runs after Nahele.

"And why needs the dog to wear your shirt?" Danny calls after his daughter. He darts over to watch Jeanne panting with Grace's pink glitter shirt and the lettering 'be a princess'. Sometimes, Danny can't get rid of the feeling that this sweet dog grins at him.

"Jeanne likes pink!" Grace screams back. Nahele almost topples over when the fit of giggle tears through his sun-kissed body. Grace laughs along with him and together they bounce into the living room. Wild and carefree.

Danny shakes his head and smiles. Steve steps up behind him and pulls him close. Steve can't form words when too many emotions constrict his throat. "Let's eat. Come on, dad. You look hungry too. Thanks for hanging out with them."

"We had fun," John repeats before he awkwardly but affectionately pats Steve's shoulder to stroll off to sit beside his wife.

"Let's eat, folks!" Aunt Deb shouts and claps her hands to get everyone's attention. "Lunch is served!"

Steve sneaks stealthily out of bed not to wake Danny. Grace is with Rachel and Nahele sleeps at his sister's house. It's only Danny and him. Steve doesn't need much sleep. The nightmares aren't tearing that often through his mind anymore. He can rest while he sleeps but the uneasy feeling when he lies awake in bed stays. Healing can't be rushed he has learned the hard way. It's better to get up, drink some water, watch the ocean, and waits until his limbs get heavy again to crawl back under the cover to be with Danny for a few more hours.

The beaten, old chest of his grandfather is heavy. He pulls it carefully from under the bench where it's stashed close to the window. The lid opens soundlessly. He holds the simple wooden box for a moment before he flips the lid open. The dog tags with his name rest there in the same heap of a coiled up chain. Two small plates with his name stamped in lie on top, just the way he has left them the last time he held them. His grandfather's dog tags are in the second, identical wood box right there where he has put them.

Steve strokes the metal with his fingers before he takes it out to hold it, to run it through his fingers, to refresh the sense that ripples through him whenever his fingertips make contact with his past. He gets lost in thoughts. He still misses it, the team, the thrill, and the purpose. The drill, the way of life that leaves no gap to think about anything else but about the next step in the mission, the training. Being a SEAL will forever be carved in his bones no matter the damage it has brought being part of missions, doing the job of an elite soldier.

Plants and seedlings have been his lifeline back to life, have held him upright when he didn't know how to make it through the day, how to make a life out of the Navy. Until Danny came along to buy one of his plants. And he sold it to the guy he hasn't known back then but to whom his heart has answered without his consent. Everything has changed after that.

It's time to move on. Kamekona and Mary have taken over his flower shop. They have plans to develop a business but are serious about how they want to run it with economical sustainability. And Steve – Steve has finally accepted the Governor's offer to run a task force. He has needed time to think about it but he's ready now. The support group helps to understand his issues and to deal with them. That's the reason he took the dog tags from the wall to keep them safe, out of sight because he doesn't need to look at them to drag him through the day. He's ready for action and stress and pressure. He needs it like air to breathe.

He carefully and slowly puts the dog tags back into the wooden box. He closes the lid and hides the boxes where they belong. It's a ritual. It's important. Each movement is accurate, dedicated, and executed with humbleness.

Steve drinks the glass of water in complete silence and gazes out to the black mass of water. He doesn't make a sound. Kono and Chin will come by for breakfast. Danny got a bit antsy when Steve didn't come out with the truth about that meeting. He got suspicious but Steve made him shut up and made him moan instead. Thoroughly fucked and tired Danny was out cold without the change to pepper him with questions.

They are going to be a team and as a team, Steve wants to inform all of them at once. HPD won't be happy to lose three good cops in one day. Hawaii needs their best and Steve and his team will be the best. The smile that spreads his lips feels damn good.

Steve climbs back into bed and curls around Danny's warm body. He's excited and the well-known, much-missed vibration of strength makes it difficult the fall asleep. He's finally back. Steve kisses Danny's neck and buries his face in the soft curve of Danny's strong shoulders.

THE END