#chapter 3: page 79

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[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Special Chapter: Comments and Analysis

WELCOME BACK, CCS FAAAAAAAAAAAANSSS!!!!!

Oh my god 3 months went already by from that December 1st and chapter 80, didn't they?? Feels like yesterday 🙈But we're finally here, finally ready for the release of the definitive, last SPECIAL CHAPTER of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card!!!! After this, no more CCS for at least a while!!

Why do you see me so euphoric?? WELL, THERE IS MORE THAN ONE VERY GOOD REASON 😂 But let's not jump the gun and let's introduce this post properly: this time around, I won't be posting pictures to "illustrate" the analysis/commentary, because this special chapter was treated differently from the other ones. It didn't get, in fact, a free release on CLAMP's Youtube channel, in any language, and wasn't even uploaded for digital purchase on Comic Days like all the rest of the chapters. The only way to obtain it was via the April issue of Nakayoshi, either with the physical or digital version. Since it is clear to me their intention to keep this gem of a special chapter away from the internet jungle, and since lately I used only the screenshots from Youtube to illustrate my analysis, this time around I won't be posting anything (aside from the color page, which was released by the official account themselves).

AND! I won't be mixing analysis and summary, because I have already conveniently prepared some screenshots with a detailed summary of the chapter for the people who were curious to know, but didn't get to see the chapter yet or did see it but couldn't read Japanese. I have already posted these screenshots on my Twitter account, and I'll put them here too under the cut (please don't repost them around or in other social media), so you can immediately get a broad view on the content of the chapter (I don't have to point out translation mistakes, haha 😅), and then, afterwards, I'll write my commentary. And there is SO MUCH to say!!

But before starting, we can't break the tradition right at the LAST ROUND of our chapter commentaries, right?? So off we go, with the GIF OF THE MONTH!!

Yes, I think this is the GIF that can represent this chapter the most. 😂

The Color Page

This special chapter is composed of 33 pages, and of course I can't avoid starting my commentary precisely from the color page!!

I admit it, I hoped for a color spread with the four main characters of Clear Card (hence, including Kaito and Akiho too), but since the other two appeared with their own color page just in chapter 79, we'll gladly take this single color page with SyaoSaku too!! ❤️ The JP text reads "We've been together till now, and we will always be! Featuring a long-awaited special chapter!!" Syaosaku look absolutely adorable....and so, so happy!! Looking at us, from a wreath made of cherry blossoms, of course dressed in their image colors pink and green, in a "pair look"...I think their shiny smiles conquered the hearts of the entire fandom (saw many comments about it) and it is certainly a perfect introduction to a chapter that is, indeed, completely made of this happy, leisurely, warm atmosphere. I feel like it tastes even better, after all the anxiety they made us go through, right? I'm pretty sure that was CLAMP's goal all along, giving us this little reward after all the hard situations they've put their characters through. This color page looks like Sakura and Syaoran are saying "goodbye" to us, holding their hands in a lover's hold, but seeing them so cute and happy definitely soothes the sad feeling 🥲 Until we meet again...hopefully!

Letters From Around The World

But it's when the chapter starts that we get our first surprise: the time skip is of one entire year!!! We left our little heroes at the end of the first year of Tomoeda Middle school, ready to go in spring break and then start the second year...here, Sakura says she's in her spring break of the next year, ready to become a 9th grader!!! I almost couldn't believe they actually went that far, I knew from CLAMP's podcast that there was a timeskip, but I expected just some months! Although....I have to say the characters don't look that different, Mokona said she made them a tiny bit older and she kept true to that, because it's barely visible! 🤭 But if you compare them with how they looked at the middle of the story, of course the difference is visible.

I was so happy to see that the chapter started right away with a letter from Akiho: a letter or a videocall was definitely among the type of content I wanted to see in this chapter, because of course I still was quite preoccupied about the difficult journey Akiho and Kaito embarked on, so I wanted to see how they were faring. The amount of letters Sakura accumulated over the span of this year tells me that they moved around quite a lot, and she had always something to share with her "long-distance sister" 🤭 Kero praising Akiho's skills and even feeling some sort of "reverence" for her insane talent to find all the crazy and rare books was so funny and nice!! 😂Sakura is adorable, feeling all proud about the talent of her "sister" 🤭 Loved that they actually mentioned the place where Akiho and Kaito are currently at!! (cause they didn't reveal where they'd go first, in chapter 80, and I guess we'll never know). I appreciated SO SO much that they let us see that Akiho didn't drop, but actually continued to practice her sewing skills like she was doing before everything went down the drain with the Alice in Clockland play: moreover, finding out later that this skill is also helping her greatly with the true ambition of her life made me incredibly satisfied. How cute of her to send outfits for Kero and Suppy, even from far away??

I was quite surprised to find out that Akiho sends all the rare books to Eriol, and then laughed my as* off at Kero saying he's selling them off (the way Kero phrases it in JP makes it look a QUITE shady activity 😂). This shows there's a continued collaboration between the "group" in England and YunaAki, and it's very nice. They're not only "taking" support from Eriol, Akiho also does return the favor, providing Eriol with the books he needs.

And then....got really emotional to know that Kaito wrote a letter to Sakura, back when they left one year ago 🥲 I DID feel like some kind of acknowledgement or apology from Kaito to Sakura was missing from chapter 80 (but honestly, with everything they had to explain, where they could fit that?) and so this little mention completely fixed that sense of "he made a mess and barely managed to apologize to Akiho before leaving". Kaito isn't an ass*ole so of course he would've done something like that, and a letter seems perfect for an introvert boy of few words like him. I imagine the letter wasn't really long either. The little moon on the sealing wax...❤️The fact that Sakura is storing that single letter together with Akiho's letters in a specific box makes me almost cry. She cares for those two so, so much! 😭 Sakura wishes to receive more letters from Kaito and I really hope he will open up to her along the way, because he could benefit ENORMOUSLY from her advices and perspective! Also THANK YOU CLAMP for giving us a little "still" of those two next to eachother from the moment when they were leaving Tomoeda, with the suitcases and all 🥲that last faraway shot of all four of them together in chapter 80 was so great, but I wanted to see them like this too!

The SyaoSaku Date

Aaaaaand then we get to the long awaited, craved, coveted SYAOSAKU DATE!!! 🤣 I can't count how many people I've seen wishing for this....to be honest I was going to be ok with any kind of sweet moment between the two, but gotta admit that a carefree afternoon watching a stage play and then taking refreshment at a café gives this sense of normal, complete fun that was missing a bit for them. They are dressed in a very fancy way (loved that Sakura isn't wearing her usual long one-pieces but something different, with puff shorts! A sign of her growing up?) and even though they're not exactly wearing a "pair look" (too corny, maybe?), they are well matching eachother's outfits. And of course we find out that Tomoyo made Sakura's cute outfit and even the decorations on Syaoran's collar! The fact she was the one asking Syaoran to wear them at the date is kinda funny, like some sort of guidance into looking like a couple, thanks to the matching decorations! Tomoyo really takes care of everything....yes....everything. 🥲 The mention of Sakura's wedding dress of course made me go "OH MY GOD" and made me realize that if Tomoyo is already mentioning that.......we aren't *that* far away from that day (I always imagined SyaoSaku marrying early, since they're soulmates and got together so young!! 😆). Truly an emotional, sweet moment that was reinforced by Tomoyo's tender expression in the flashback. Her resolution to devote herself to learn to design even normal everyday outfits, or date outfits, everything that could accompany her dear Sakura everyday, reminded me that Tomoyo found her very own way to be with Sakura, and she's perfectly content with that. Tomoyo's happiness is seeing Sakura happy, and she will do anything to achieve that. ✨

Syaoran and Kaito's Friendship

And then my blushy blushy Sakura changes topic and suddenly throws me on the floor in a fit of laughter, because seeing Syaoran's confused look while he was trying to make sense of the pictures Kaito sent him on his phone WAS HONESTLY PRICELESS. 😆 My god, how long have I wished to see them like this? Moving their timid steps into a friendship (since their girlfriends are like sisters and Sakura literally saved Kaito's derriere), being their awkward dorky selves...they surprisingly get along so well and Syaoran doesn't seem to hold resentment towards him, which is GREAT for me!! He's learning from Sakura to just let go of hard feelings, when you've found out the person who acted in an oppositive way was just in a very desperate situation and had actually no ill intentions. And that makes me incredibly happy. Kaito needs all the support he can get, to make the right decisions in his life, and I can totally see him finding a particular connection with Syaoran, due to how they're both moon boys, who would give their life for the person they love. I think precisely for this, precisely because Syaoran can understand to a degree Kaito's situation and behavior, he wouldn't feel judged and would feel more free to establish a connection with him. I was k*lled with laughter and endearment when I saw that Syaoran felt confused, but still tried to understand Kaito's peculiar way of communicating with him 😂 And guess what? I think he doesn't realize it, but he's totally starting to get it! 😂The way our wolfie boy snaps that picture IMMEDIATELY as the cat passes by, and how he only framed the ear, really shows how in the end he's speaking "the same language" as Kaito 😂 Seeing Sakura so excitedly think to herself that the two became such good friends made me scream "SAME SAKURA-CHAN, SAME!!!" 😂 All in all, seeing these two having such a relaxed, comfortable date talking about their friends and stuff that happened lately made me completely feel that one year that elapsed, and now they act totally like a couple that's been dating for quite some time. 😊 Ooooh thank you sensei, really. Thank you so much for this scene. 🙏

The Moon Is Really Beautiful, Right?

BUT! The real reason why CLAMP will always have my heart and my gratitude is hidden in the next scene. 😂

Oh my god, the screams I've belted out when I saw them. And when I've read THAT. But let's go in order, let's go in order and not jump the gun! We're in Germany, Akiho and Kaito now seem to be living in an apartment in a nice building! They're still talking in keigo, and still calling eachother "Akiho-san" and "Kaito-san". 😊

Kaito SMILES genuinely at the picture Syaoran sent him!! And answers, to an observant Akiho, that he's having fun!! 😭HIM! The one who couldn't understand what was fun in interacting with others!!! He looks honestly so radiant and happy, a sign that his mental recovery is going strong. And that he's slowly expanding his "trusted people" network. 🥲🙏Also, he looks younger than ever!!! 😂

It made me INCREDIBLY HAPPY to see that Akiho didn't drop the "hobby" she had started in chapter 26 (ages ago!!), remember this scene?

I remember how much I loved to know she had started learning how to do this, because together with my friends, at the time, we all thought this could easily become her aspiration in life......and guess what?? CLAMP confirmed she wants to take on a job revolving around books and book repairing!! This is all canon!! T___T oh my happy tears.... There's a sense of pride in seeing that this journey for Akiho isn't only revolving around finding the cure for Kaito's shortened lifespan (which hurt his body terribly) and restarting his "stopped time", or finding Momo and the Alice in Clockland book, but she's also got the mental resolution to do something for herself, for what she wants to do in life, something that is completely disconnected from Kaito. Again, I cannot reiterate enough how this girl doesn't have an unhealthy codependent relationship with Kaito, and she's completely capable of thinking about her own future, aspirations and wishes. She wants him with her, and she could never live happily without him, but the love of her life isn't the only thing that exists for her. It is incredibly satisfying to see her working hard for her own future, where she'll be able to contribute (especially financially) to their livelihood. I can see Kaito helping her and assisting her with that. The other day I was dreaming away with my friends about Kaito and Akiho managing a "book cafè" together somewhere, how impossibly sweet that would be?

Seeing this volitive, ambitious, strong-willed Akiho once again filled my heart immensely. And I wasn't the only one, apparently.....

Oh god, you have no idea of the SHRIEKS I belted out when I saw Kaito saying "the moon is really beautiful, right?" in full daylight. Like. It is absolutely unmistakable at this point what kind of love he feels for her, and while I always knew, I'm sure the character took his own sweet time and personal introspection to reach that conclusion. If you remember, I've always said it and reiterated it at the end of chapter 80: Kaito won't understand things overnight, it will take a long time. And one year, at that age, is enough of a long time to come to terms with one's feelings and understanding what exactly they mean. They lived all that time together as two "equals", no more butler/boss bullsh*t, so they had even more opportunities to see eachother's true colors. And Kaito couldn't help but fall even more in love with Akiho, to the point that seeing her working so excitedly for her future made him gently overflow with that feeling....and said that sweet quote of Natsume Soseki that we all know, by now, what it means. I think the mere fact that what made his heart explode was seeing her so independent and strong, is a good sign that Kaito's love for her is the healthy and supportive kind, too. He doesn't love her and feels attracted to her soul because she's a weaker, younger, malleable being that he can dominate (as a toxic relationship would portray), but at the contrary, because she's free and strong and wonderful on her own. The more he sees her shining, the more that feeling grows. Throughout this scene, he looks at her and talks to her in such an intensely sweet way, you can totally see he's smitten with her.

The most popular reply to someone who confesses with "the moon is beautiful" is the equivalent of "I could die for you/I can die happy now", in Japanese. And Kaito had been unconsciously replying that way, with his actions, the whole damn time during the serialization of Clear Card. But since he took it way too literally, things were really heading to tragedy. Nobody wanted him to die for real, and yet, subconsciously, that was the only way he had found to give outlet to an enormous amount of feels that he couldn't express (because it wasn't appropriate, and nobody would ever love him, and he only caused her pain, and he had to let go of Akiho anyway at the end of it).

So considering all of THAT, this "I love you very much" he said now (he added とても, "very", like Akiho did ❤️) in this way, makes me think even more "yes, you finally understood what was the best way to convey it!" and therefore, it represents another character development for our moon boy. 🥲

There's debate over whether he had already understood what Akiho had meant, in chapter 48. I stand firmly by my convinction that, even if he was informed of the Japanese folklore tale around it, he quickly dismissed it as "no, she's meaning it literally for the moon", since he couldn't really believe that anyone would ever take interest in him, and was sure he would've always been alone. Otherwise, if he really understood and believed that Akiho was in love with him, I don't think he could've ever said that "I thought you didn't need me to be happy". It doesn't make sense. But everything that happened at the fake moon, and all her angry tears, and all her resolution to find a way to cure him, made him finally see that she really meant it in that way. ❤️So his own acceptance and introspection could finally start, and....it brought to this. ❤️ If you want to know more about the popular phrase "the moon is beautiful, right?", I invite you to check my first Clear Card Trivia post, focused on the literary and musical references portrayed throughout this story!

And LOL, I couldn't help but noticing several things in how this scene played out: first, he immediately "runs away" blabbering about the breakfast being ready, a very similar way to how he "ran away" in chapter 52 when Akiho could see right through him and was trying to express her support and feelings to him. This is definitely an indication (taking into consideration also how he acted when he was little) that the reason why Kaito walked away back then, slamming the door, had a sprinkle of embarrassment embedded in it, too. Yeah. I mean, look at the face he's making here, just before he notices, puzzled, that his hand is shaking:

He's smiling so tenderly, among the pain he's feeling because of his poor health. He even laughs! He's happy he heard that! But he just couldn't stay hearing any longer, back then. Now, in this scene of the special chapter, he literally throws "the bomb" and runs away without hearing her answer or reaction 😂😂😂this is definitely embarrassment, and I'd like to think there's even a hint of teasing streak that I've always seen between the lines in his personality. It came out particularly with Syaoran and Momo, but Akiho isn't excluded from this dynamic! 😂

And excuse me, but Akiho's reaction literally made me roll on the floor laughing!! 😂The poor girl is probably so used to live abroad, and Japanese folklore isn't probably coming up immediately in her mind anymore, despite it's a phrase SHE used HERSELF back then! 😂Or maybe it's because she didn't really expect it from him, and so she took a moment to connect the dots. Either way, it was extremely funny! And I can't absolutely avoid pointing out how our girl isn't blushing like mad anymore, but just slightly.... I mean. It must have been quite clear to her too, by now, that her feelings were in some kind "reciprocated", be it for what Sakura said back at the fake moon, his decision to go back to her, and his decision to reveal his true name, hence giving her his most vulnerable part of himself... This isn't a shock for her, and she probably waited patiently, patiently, for him to finally say something like this. So maybe, more than embarrassed, she's surprised that the day finally came! 🥲 Goodness. This really puts all my worries to rest, Akiho will truly be happy. And it makes total sense that CLAMP made him say this now, and not at the end of chapter 80. As I said, more time was needed. This entire scene leaves me with a sweet, soft, comfortable feeling, and it's totally how I've always imagined their relationship to be. Also....no more of that "he loves her as a daughter/sister" crap, not canon-wise at least. 😊

One last thing I have to point out about this scene, which curiously reconnects everything together, is that recently CLAMP have announced the themes to which their upcoming exhibition will revolve around: among them, there's LOVE (of course!), and among the decorations surrounding the featured character on the key visual (Sakura, for now, but there's at least another one coming!) there are a couple of birds too. Birds are, in this sense, a symbol of love in CLAMP's language. I couldn't really help but noticing all the birds flying outside the window next to Akiho, the moment Kaito says that "the moon is really beautiful, right?". Basically, CLAMP were trying to scream it all over the place, however they could. 😂

"Momo-san?!"

It was so nice to see Yukito and Kero-chan gossiping about Touya right in his face, with the complete intention to tease him 😂in that sense, Yukito really seems like a sweet and harmless character, but don't be fooled! His teasing power is over 9000!! 😂Touya's killing glare made me crack up! He's so done for, now that both Kero and Yukito can tease him in the open! 😂😂😂

But please, please, let me scream about MOMO!!! Oh my god I would've never accepted a special chapter that didn't feature her!! Aaaaahhh I'm so glad to see that she's fine 🥲 The conversation between her and Sakura made clear to me that she isn't that free to move how I imagined her to be. Certainly, she decides where to go and who the book stays with (and when to leave), but the impartiality imposed on her role doesn't allow her to act freely like she wants, unless she pays a price. And she decided to pay a price, not to see Akiho and Kaito, but to go and thank Sakura herself first. Because, as her "those kids" suggests, she of course still feels some kind of maternal instinct towards them, and as any mother would do, she wants to thank Sakura from the bottom of her heart for having helped and saved those two. Even her body language (the position of her hands) portrays that. And excuse me, but I A B S O L U T E L Y loved how CLAMP clarified once and for all, addressing directly the complaints of their own fandom, that Sakura wasn't forcingly dragged into a matter that wasn't related to her. Everything she did, she decided to do it because she felt it touched her personally. From the moment she became Akiho's friend and came to care for her, everything that happened and everything that she was involved with was related to her too. This wasn't "somebody else's business" anymore. Because Akiho is one of her most beloved friends, no matter how "fast" that happened. Some relationships bloom almost immediately, because the connection is just that strong. And so, this turned into just another expression of "your happiness is my happiness", with Sakura acting according to what her heart suggested. As Kaito is Akiho's most beloved person, Sakura couldn't help but care for him too, because doing so would've made her friend happy, in a wonderful "circulation of love".

Special mention for the scene with pregnant Lilie, oh my god I didn't really expect this either. How long ago I wrote that Tumblr post about cosmos flowers and the origin of Akiho's name? A couple of weeks ago? It's like CLAMP answered my curiosity, with this scene. I still keep my interpretation in my heart, but I also love the logic "it is a flower that keeps the same name in many countries". Of course. "Wherever you'll go, you'll always be your unique self". (And now I want to cry, mama's heart is so big😭) The way Lilie keeps her hands over her womb made me tear up. The ring isn't there anymore, a sign that she probably already gave it to Momo (understandably, since once Akiho would be born, she wouldn't really have much time left). The baby bump isn't that noticeable, probably because she's at the beginning of her pregnancy. Who knows if she kept seeing little Kaito while she was pregnant. 🥲Who knows if in the scene where she's telling him about how wonderful it is to have something you love, especially a person, she was already pregnant with Akiho. 🥲

Momo and Sakura's final words made me understand that Momo cannot go back to Akiho and Kaito till the circumstances and the moment is right. Whether it depends on Akiho's wish, or the right cosmic arrangement, it's surely not in the short term. Especially considering the limited scope of Momo's agency. It cannot come from Momo (unless she pays a huge price), it needs to come from them, strongly enough. I also want to think that, again as an acquired mother figure, Momo wants those two to find their own way, identity and figure out their relationship on their own, without her interference. I'm sure she's keeping an eye on them from faraway, though. 🥲Even though this still feels bittersweet because I wanted to see them reuniting in canon so badly, it gave me lots of hope for the future. Momo is just waiting for the right moment, and she'll be ready to embrace them when the time is right. Maybe, who knows, we'll see that reunion in another series or in a special publication in the future?

The End

And then....the final scene 🥲NOW it is finally clear what Ohkawa meant in that one Twitter Space, when she mentioned that there was a reason why they never featured Sakura's birthday!!! THEY NEEDED TO KEEP THE EXCLUSIVITY FOR THIS!! 😂 I'm so glad they did, really...it's so sweet to see her reaching 14 years old (the "standard age" of many shoujo heroines! 😂) and seeing Syaoran giving her a present, with that strikingly sweet smile full of love...but most importantly....the breathtaking final double spread 🥲🥲🥲🥲 The way she pulls his hand close to her chest, to her heart, while saying that Syaoran will be forever and ever her most important and special person.....really, this chapter is meant to k*ll us all with feels!🥲and I love how CLAMP keep finding ways to portray their physical displays of affection without resorting to the classic, most wanted (but also probably considered not appropriate yet) "kiss". The very final page is a direct parallel of a page from chapter one, where Sakura was going to school alone and looked back down the street to admire the cherry blossoms in full bloom.

Now, she's not alone anymore, but actually hugging the love of her life on her special day! Really, what a wonderful and fulfilling way to give the final touch to this amazing story! 🥲 Her very last line also contributed to this. Sakura leaves us again, 24 years after the first ending, with words of positivity for the future, and love for her important people. This wraps everything up nicely, but it still keeps things quite "open-ended", hopefully in the eventuality to return to this wonderful series in the future. Sakura is growing up, as CLAMP wished, and it might be possible to see her dealing with more "grown-up" situations, magic and non-magic wise. But one thing is for sure, her relationship with her loved ones will always take top priority. ❤️

Well well well, we came to the end of this looooooong commentary for this special chapter too. I can't help but thank once again all of you who followed my posts all these years, and commented with your POVs on the story.

As I've said multiple times, Cardcaptor Sakura gave me so much ever since I was a kid, and this sequel was no exception. This special chapter, in particular, overflowed with things I wanted to see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking so. I once again want to congratulate CLAMP for wrapping everything up nicely, and thank them from the bottom of my heart for these almost 8 years of emotional journey. 🙏

See you around with my other tumblr posts, and let's look forward to the release of volume 16 on April 1st, and hopefully, news about the anime sequel of Clear Card!!

[asumofwords]

Smoke, Fire and Ash

Warnings: This fic includes noncon, dubcon, manipulation, violence, death, forced marriage, and inc3st. Tags will be added as the fic goes on. Cockwarming.

This is a dark!fic. 18+ only. Read at your own discretion. Please read the warnings before continuing.

Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen. You are forced to navigate the difficult surroundings of your upbringing and the eventual disintegration between your family and the Hightower's relationship. What will happen when your older and estranged uncle suddenly takes a more sinister interest in you? (Dark!Aemond x Reader)

Masterlist

Characters: Aemond Targaryen X Reader, HOTD characters.

Note: Hello my loves, this is a longer chapter than usual because I didn't want to split it up. Updates for a bit may be slow at the moment, but will try update you all as much as I can. Thank you all for the love and well wishes <3 Enjoy

Chapter 79: Moon Tea

Aemond stayed true to his word.

For days, you frequented the Gardens alone, and found that your peace was neither disturbed by the King or your husband. It gave you a reprieve and the chance to breathe away from it all.

A chance to collect yourself, to gather the pieces that had been violently scattered across the earth below. 

And with those days, you sat where you usually did and attempted to read the mountain of books and stories that were piled high in your shared chambers, courtesy of Aemond. Some being novels that you had read already, others being new ones that the Prince thought might spark interest. 

You had to begrudgingly admit, that he was right. 

The books that he left you did spark interest, if only you got through the first few pages before being unable to read further. Your attention span had dwindled, and even though you believed Aemond when he said he would keep the King away from you, any noise, any presence of someone walking past, a knight or servant or Lord, you would still flinch, and your heart would race in your chest. 

But still, Aegon had not been seen for days, and Aemond had been kind. 

When you woke that morning, the young Prince had been curled around you as he usually was, awake far earlier than you, but content to let you sleep for if only moment more. It was a routine that the two of you had fallen heavily into.

He would rise with the sun as he always did, and watch over you as you slept, tucked to his chest as a lazy hand would rub soft and featherlike fingertips across your skin, desperate to touch you, yet not wanting to wake you up. 

And you were thankful for it. 

For Aemond’s time away in Harrenhal left little time to sleep, or breathe, or feel safe. Aegon’s attack adding to further lack of sleep or calm, and in a shocking turn of events, you had all three in Aemond's clutches. 

You had wriggled in his hold, and the One-Eyed Prince hummed, pressing a lingering kiss atop the crown of your head. A gesture that you had previously only gotten from your mother or father. 

When you were both dressed and seated at the table, the maids had brought in your breakfast for the both of you. The usual of meats, eggs and fruit, and todays warm bread, whose crust crackled under your excited hands, had olives kneaded throughout. 

You ate together, enjoying the way the soft sponge of the bread had subtle sour bursts of flavour when a hidden slice of olive was revealed to your waiting mouth. It was different, and it was something that you decided in that moment that you liked. 

Joanna placed your tea in front of you, and you thanked her softly, pulling the small glass pot of honey towards you as you put two heaping serves into the steaming brew. As you stirred the tea, Aemond watched you with an inquisitive eye before speaking, your spoon clinking against the side of the china. 

“What are your plans for the day?” He asked, watching as you brought the teaspoon to your lips to lick the remnants of the honey off, sweetness coating the roof of your mouth before placing it back onto the matching saucer. 

“I was going to go for a stroll through the Garden, then perhaps make my way to the Library.” You picked up the steaming tea and brought it to your lips, blowing the steam away.

“I will be joining you today.”

You brought the unsipped tea away from your lips, “Oh? But haven’t you your duties to attend to?”

“I have a duty to my wife.” His eye was focused on you, “And so I have freed my day to spend it with you.”

Freed his day?

Your stomach turned, but for what reason, you did not know.

You nodded stiffly, bringing the tea to your lips to sip, tasting the tart, minty tea move hotly down the back of your throat. You blinked, a spark of familiarity bursting on your tongue. 

“And what shall we do on this fine day?” You asked him, hot tea in your hands still as you looked out to the window. 

The sun was high in the sky, and there was not a cloud in sight in Kings Landing. There was no looming storm, or brusque winds. It looked to be a beautiful day.

“It’s a surprise.”

Anxiety was what you felt. 

Surprise. 

You sipped at the tea again, eyebrows drawn as you tried to figure out why the tea you had been drinking so frequently suddenly tasted oddly familiar. 

“Are we going to see Vermithor?” You asked, knowing that you would not. 

But you so desperately wished to see him. You so desperately wished to fly again. To be by his side. To feel his bond and connect again. To assure him that you were okay. To soar high amongst the clouds, to feel free, to feel you again.

Aemond did not respond, and let the chambers bask in the silence of his answer. 

No.

You looked down and placed the tea back on the table, moving to take a star fruit onto your plate, cutting it up to eat. Aemond watched you the whole time, no longer using your hands to tear the flesh apart, and instead using the sharp knife and fork. 

“Perhaps,” Aemond began, watching your reaction, “I could take you to fly upon Vhagar’s back.”

You swallowed thickly, heart beating against your ribs, hands tightening around the cutlery. 

Vhagar. 

Arrax.

Lucerys.

Dracarys.

“I think I am perfectly content on the ground, thank you.” You grit out. 

You did not want to be anywhere near Vhagar.

You lifted the tea to help wash down the tart star fruit which seemed to have gone bad in your mouth, its sticky flesh stuck in the back of your throat.

As the steaming brew washed over your taste buds you froze again. Why was it so familiar? Tart. Minty. A hint of honey. Aemond’s eye was no longer on you, instead sheepishly looking down at his plate as he cut through a thick slice of sausage.

Familiar. 

“Please Princess, you must drink the tea.” The Dowager Queen had said quietly, the Maester beside you looking with clinical eyes, the colour from them seemingly gone, and nothing but a blank mask upon his face. 

You took another sip, letting the brew settle upon your tongue. Minty. Tart. Almost earthy in its flavour, and yet as you took another trying sip it all came together. Aemond placed some meat into his mouth to chew, eye looking back up at you. 

It was familiar. 

And now you knew why.

Moon Tea. 

It was Moon Tea. 

They were giving you Moon Tea. 

You sipped deeply on the tea in hand, draining the last of the dregs into your eager and waiting mouth. 

It was Moon Tea. 

They were giving you Moon Tea. 

You placed the tea cup back down on the table as you looked at your husband. 

Was he giving you Moon Tea?

Was this his doing?

You moved to open your mouth and ask him, but stopped. 

Aemond, would never give you Moon Tea. Aemond would never prevent his seed from taking. Because Aemond had done nothing but tell you of his desires for an heir and watching you grow with his child. 

You placed a small cut of star fruit into your mouth and chewed in thought.

Could it be them?

Could it be the King?

Was this another part of Aegon to spite his brother? 

Or was this Alicent or Otto’s doing?

No.

The Greens needed an heir to support the treaty and solidify it. 

As Aemond began to finish his meal, the maids entered the chambers to collect the plates and empty cups, Joanna’s eyes flitting to the empty tea cup. 

She was checking if it had been drunk. 

The maids.

The maids had been giving you Moon Tea.

But surely the maids were not doing it of their own volition, after all they barely know you, and if either were caught giving you such a thing, both would be killed for treason.

Aemond stood to move about the room, collecting some tomes on the side table.

But only Maesters, woods witches and brothel mistresses were skilled in making the tea. 

The Maester. 

Aemond came back over to you, books in hand. His pale fingers were wrapped tightly around a pile of three, a familiar black leather bound book that was broken on the top. Aemond looked at you and waited for you to stand. 

You stood on shaky legs, mind reeling. 

The Maester and maids were giving you Moon Tea.

You had allies. 

Kepa.

You bit the sides of your cheeks to stop the smile that attempted to wind up your face, and blinked away the tears that had begun to tickle at your eyes. 

Your mother and father had eyes on you.

The two of you walked down to the gardens together, the sun beaming warmth on the two of you. You led the way to your favourite spot, and Aemond followed, moving to sit at the small table that sat in the centre of the space.

The Targaryen Prince placed the three tomes in the centre of the table before turning to look at you. 

“The road ahead of us is not easy.” Your uncle began, voice crisp, “But I intend to pave the path with good intentions.”

Aemond kept his violet eye on you, the sun brightening the sapphire orb beside it.

Road?

“If you will let me.” He finished, waiting for your response. 

Your mouth felt dry. 

“And what road do you speak of?” You spoke slowly, unsure. 

Behind Aemond, a group of servants came towards you, silver and gold trays in hand.

You looked at Aemond, brows furrowed, before back at the servants, who began to place trays of food atop the table around the books.

Atop the silver and gold trays were cakes and pastries of all kind, rolls of puffed custard, buns with cinnamon and biscuits, all piled high and far too much for the two of you. Some more familiar, the others new to you. 

On one tiny china dish in particular, sat two lemon tarts. 

“Aem, stop!” You giggled, rushing towards your uncle as he snuck into the Keeps Kitchen, small hands grabbing piles of freshly baked lemon tarts in his own. 

“They’re your favourite!” The young boy hushed, grabbing more than his hands could hold, tucking them into his arms before turning to face you, violet eyes dancing in mischief and cheeks blush red.

“Shh! If the Septa-“ You began, smile cracking wider on your face as you turned to look around the darkened kitchen as a noise caught the both of your attention. 

Footsteps echoed down the hall, and Aemond’s eyes widened, one hand flying out to grab yours, a single lemon tart falling to the floor between you before he was pulling you with him towards a secret path, winding down the corridors. 

Your hand flew to your lips as you giggled, half running with your uncle into a dark secret passage, hidden behind a stone door covered in a painting of two lovers entertained, fire ablaze around them.

As you ran through the corridor and through the passage, two more tarts were lost on your escape, falling to the cold stone floors, forgotten by the two young children who had stolen them. 

Loud laughter pealed from the both of you as you heaved in breaths, Aemond’s hands holding the crushed tarts to his robes, sticky crumbs stuck to his green robes in the dark.

“There is a thief amongst us!” You exclaimed, nothing but joy rising in you. 

“No such thing.” Aemond responded defiantly, teeth showing in his wide grin.

“Well, give me the spoils then.” You giggled, greedy hand reaching outwards towards Aemond, who still held the tarts nestled against his chest by singular arm. 

But only two remained.

Aemond’s small hand lifted a crushed tart and held it out to you, smiling. 

You turned to look at Aemond, “Lemon tarts?”

“I remember them being your favourite.” He hummed.

You could not stop the smile that teased your lips. 

“I remember you stealing them from the kitchens.” You teased.

“And I remember you asking me to.”

You moved to sit at the table, spiced Dornish wine being poured into seperate goblets for the two of you. Aemond followed and sat opposite, back stiff as it always was. The man seemed to have a permanent stick up his spine, posture exactly like his mother.

They were more alike than either would likely think. 

“I did no such thing.” You responded contritely. 

“Hm.”

The two of you sat together and nibbled at the plates of treats, sipping from your wines as he reached across the table, picking up the broken leather tome to hand you ‘The Fourteen Flames’.

There was an undeniable shift between the two of you. 

Aemond could be an ally. 

Not only had the One-Eyed Prince stepped away from his duties for the day, he had arranged for desserts of all kinds to be brought to the two of you. He had brought three of your favourite books to read together.

And he had brought lemon tarts. 

You took the book from Aemond and flicked it open at the start, not knowing where you had gotten up to the last time, barely reading the words on the pages, instead thinking about what was to come and what was required of you. 

The two of you nibbled and read in parallel with each other, a silent affair, if not for the soft chewing, sips, or the turning of pages. On occasion, Aemond would hum as he read, and you could not help your gaze from rising to look at him. 

You let yourself observe him, if not truly for the first time since your arrival, in a way that was undisturbed or clouded by rage.

The soft round cheeks that Aemond once had, had melted away from his face, revealing sharp and high cheekbones that hollowed his face. The nose that had once been buttoned and sloped, had now grown aquiline, pointed, and angled, sharp to match the rest of his features. 

You remembered that if the days were humid, or if he had spent much time training, his hair would become wavy and frizz, the volume doubling, much like his mothers.

As a child Aemond had shoulder length hair, that he always wore in the same style, until recently. Today, his hair was pulled backwards from the sides, braided and pulled into a singular, long braid at the back of his head, the rest of his silver locks laying flatly on his back. 

A ray of light shone on one side of the man, and his silver hair seemingly glowed from the light. As though it held light itself. As though it was created for it. For Valyrian blood carried these Godly aspects, and for the first time, you looked at him and realised what it may be like for someone of non-Valyrian descent to gaze upon you. 

It looked heavenly.

Godly. 

Pure. 

Was this how he saw you?

Was this how the realm saw you all?

Was this why you were said to be closer to Gods than man?

The longer you looked, the more you noted about your husband. 

His lips were plumb, a soft pink, and curled lightly up at the sides, as though he was always smirking or on the verge of smiling. His lips, which you had seen sneer, and grin, and frown at you, naturally tilted upwards. And you were stuck with the knowledge that they were soft. 

Then there was his eye.

As children, you had loved his eyes. The way they had expressed so much, had shown so much, without the need for words. You could tell when he was younger if he was upset or excited, and despite how hard he would argue that he was neither, you always just knew. The bright violet would light up when you were near, and the two of you would excitedly talk for hours. And as he has grown, the violet seeing eye had stayed the same. 

Ever telling of his moods and desires.

But now, a large scar cut through his cheek, and the secondary eye you had loved as a child was lost, and replaced with a sapphire orb. A colour which you had once loved, the colour of the night sky when the stars lit the realm, the colour of Forget-Me-Nots in Spring, or Gentians in the late days of Summer, or even, now that you looked at it longer, the colour of blue Monkshood, flowers you knew to grow towards the North.

Sapphire had once been a colour that marked the flowers bloom for you, the stars and their tales, but now it marked a time of change. The eye that was lost was replaced, and so was that part of Aemond. 

With the loss of the young boys eye came the embodiment of the deep and grotesque scarring. The violence, the anger, the rage, and the spite. With the loss of his eye, came the Aemond that he had grown to be. 

Scarred. Tortured. Angry. 

Riddled with sorrow, animosity, and cynicism. 

And over the few days having been spent together, and the tension slowly bleeding away from the two of you, you came to realise that there were still small parts of Aemond inside that you remembered. 

Still holding on. 

Still lingering. 

The Prince’s seeing eye was a reminder of what was, and his missing one a reminder of what is. 

One violet eye. Your memories of youth together.

The sapphire orb. The new memories created.

Good and bad, both there upon his face. 

Both there within him. 

A man of complexity that even you were still trying to understand.

But he had changed.

His demeanour towards you had changed. 

Always you. 

I love you. 

Aemond was not the only one who had changed either. You had changed too. The scars on your body were similar to his eye. A reminder of what has happened. A reminder of change.

A reminder of what has been lost. 

Visual representations of the people that you had turned out to be.

And if you continued to play your cards right, if you continued to slowly gain his trust, if you continued to slowly get him to come to your side, to follow your every beck and call, to carry out his word own doing anything for you, he could help you.

Do anything for you. 

Kesan tepagon ao tolvie run. 

I will give everything to you.

It was slow work, tedious, and something that could not be rushed. Go too fast in creating the bond, and he would know something was amiss. He would know that you were not sincere in your affections or intentions.

He would know.

For Aemond was a smart man, cunning, clever. As he always had been.

But you had been working to his strengths, and his weaknesses, as well as your own, and finally, the fruits of your labour were beginning to show. 

Though there was a shadow of doubt that continued to linger in the back of your mind. 

Was he manipulating you the way you were him?

Was he aware?

For if he was, he did not show it. But after recent events, the matching black robes, his violence towards Aegon, his disdain being voiced aloud, you knew that you were succeeding in what you had known would be a long, and lengthy process. 

Aemond was already a suspicious man. Untrusting. And it would take time. And time is what you had. He would take from you, and you would take in return. 

“What are you thinking?” His voice pulled you from your thoughts. 

You felt your cheeks blush and you cleared your throat, looking down.

He had caught you staring. 

“How different you have become.” You replied, looking back to his violet eye. 

Aemond hummed and placed the book he had been reading back into his lap, closing it shut, and you mirrored him, shutting the busted tome in your own. 

“You have… grown into a man.” You continued. 

“And you, a woman.”

His gaze was so intense, the way he looked at you made your heart skip a beat. His pupil almost swallowed his iris whole, and the lid of his eye was half closed, looking at you from under his lashes.

Looking at you with intent.

With desire. 

Hungrily. 

Ravenously.

You looked away, eyeing the untouched lemon tarts on the side of the table. Neither of you making the first move to eat them, instead nibbling at all the other treats around them. You even dared to eat a rhubarb tart, which flavours were not favoured by your tastebuds.

Aemond followed your gaze, and reached for the small plate, lifting it across the table and offering it to you. 

You took the tart from Aemond’s waiting hand. The darkness of the passage shrouding the both of you, a small sliver of light streaming in from an open hole on the side, shining moonlight onto the older boys hair. 

The young Prince smiled brightly at you as you bit into the tart, watching you with excited violet eyes as you hummed, enjoying the sour and sweet pastry. But the young Prince did not move to eat his tart, and instead, Aemond held it in his hand as he watched you devour yours. 

Crumbs covered your lips as you licked them clean, swiping up the lemony custard away from your lips. The young Prince’s eyes darted to your mouth, if only for a moment. A warmth spread through his body and a blush rose on his cheeks, though you could not see it in the dark. 

“They are so much better when they’re fresh.” You had grinned, chewing loudly as Aemond tried his best to not laugh at his niece who ate more like a wild animal than a Princess, but he still did not move to eat it with you.

“Aren’t you going to eat your spoils, Aem?” You had teased, confused as to why the older Prince had not moved to eat the treat that he had stolen. 

A pause. 

He was thinking. 

Aemond slowly moved his arm, tart in hand towards you, and offered you his wordlessly.

A shy smile replaced the once excited one on his lips.

You blinked at Aemond and reached across the table to grasp a tart, putting it on your plate.

Aemond’s hand lingered between the table, unsure of whether to take the plate back to himself, which he eventually did, picking up the fresh tart and placing it upon his own plate. 

You stared at each other uncertainly, waiting for the other to begin. And when Aemond made no move after a few moments past, you picked up a small fork and pressed down into the centre of the tart, cutting it in half, and then half again. Aemond watched with a keen eye as you brought it up to your lips to chew. 

The sweetness of the tart spread across your tongue, subtle hints of lemon mixing with the pastry. You could not help the smile that spread on your lips, eyes closing as you savoured what had been a favoured treat in your youth. 

“They are so much better when fresh.” You spoke, watching Aemond slowly cut into his own, though not lifting it to his mouth. 

“Are you not going to eat yours?” You asked, watching as he seemed to enjoy observing you eat.

Aemond smirked, his eye roaming slowly up and down your body, “My tastes are more inclined to things that are sweet.” 

You blushed, heat rising in your cheeks. 

Aemond was flirting.

Warm spread through your body as you shifted, rubbing your thighs together, “I think you also like the bite that comes with it…. The lemon, of course.” You said coyly, a small smirk of your own spreading on your lips.

“Truthfully, lemon tarts have never been favoured by me.”

“But you used to always eat them as a child.” You argued, brows furrowed, “You would steal large piles of them in the Kitchens for me and-“

Oh.

Aemond gave you a small, shy smile, though it short lived before he picked up his plate, and offered it across the table to you, tart cut in half, untouched beyond that. 

Uneaten. 

"Here." The young Prince handed you his tart in the dark, small smile on his lips.

"Are you sure, Aem?" You had asked, hand hovering in the air between you.

"Take it." He smiled.

An offering that you took.

“I thought you liked them.” You said, almost feeling guilty.

“I liked them because you did.”

-

That night you lay in bed beside Aemond, curled against him to sleep, the heat of his body radiating around you. You shifted, trying to get comfortable, rolling over to face your back to him as you closed your eyes.

The day had been good.

You had spoken without vitriol, ate sweets, and read together. You had walked around the Gardens, purposely avoiding the spot where the Monkshood grew, before you both had stopped at the Godswood, looking up at its bright red leaves. 

Aemond had moved to sit beneath it, but it was too much for you. Too normal. Too familiar, and you had lowered your head and walked back to the chambers, leaving a confused silver haired Prince behind. You ate dinner together quietly, and thanked him for spending the day with you, for the lemon tarts, for the walk, with a list you had compiled in your head, and he had given you a small hum in response. 

When you were readied for bed, he had not looked at you, nor had he moved to touch you like he usually did. And instead, let you crawl into bed first, and then him a while after. Writing hunched over a parchment and singular candle light before joining you. 

The hour was late, and your eyes had grown heavy, lulled by his even breathing and the warmth that he brought in the otherwise cozy chambers. 

Two large hands gripped your waist as you had rolled, pulling you back against him. 

Aemond, you quickly realised, craved physical touch. Searched for it wherever he went. Sought it out in you. Even if it was the barest of grazes of a finger on your arm, a hand through your hair. His hand in yours. Your body wrapped around his. 

Aemond craved it, and sought it out from you frequently, and you let him. 

The thin chemise that you wore did little for your modesty as you felt Aemond’s hardening cock press into the flesh of your ass. You shifted, feeling heat bloom within you at his arousal, rubbing backwards against him. 

Aemond sighed, thrusting slowly up against you as one hand held your stomach, pulling you back on him, the other worming its way beneath your head, reaching out to grip the hand that had rested beneath it. 

Long fingers intertwined with yours as he pushed forward again, anticipation building in your chest. The hand on your stomach slid over the curve of your hip, resting on the bone as he pulled you back to guide you against him, chasing his own pleasure as the chemise slowly rose up your thighs.

Reaching back, you pulled the thin silk further up your body, revealing your bare core to him, before moving back again, grasping his heavy length in the palm of your hand. Aemond groaned and thrusted up into your grip as you gave him slow pumps. 

You bit your lip, and guided the head down, feeling the leaking tip rub his arousal on your inner thighs as you lined him up with your core. The hand holding yours tightened, and you felt a puff of breath blow against the back of your head.

Rolling your hips backwards you let his cock glide through your folds, your slick coating his length. You sighed, back arching as his tip brushed against your bud, pleasure sparking within. 

Aemond’s chest vibrated with a groan as he let you arch backwards towards him, assisting in the angle as you pushed the head of his cock to the entrance of your dripping centre.

Slowly he pushed through your folds, groaning as he stretched you apart on his cock, pleasure blooming in your core as you felt every vein and ridge of him brushing your walls inside. 

There was no pain anymore when he did this. The pain had long gone, and only pleasure was in its place as you clenched around his length.

Aemond pulled out slowly before thrusting back into your heat, fingers twitching on your hip and in your hand. You mewled loudly into the room as he began to fuck you slowly, sensually, and sleepily.

You let your head roll backwards onto his shoulder as he kept a steady pace, the sound of your slick folds filling the chambers as you whined. 

The gentle pleasure bloomed within you, with the angle and the way he was moving, his cock brushed against your inner pleasure spot with each thrust. Aemond had learnt your body well, in ways that you did not know where possible. In ways that he continued to learn, and continued to show you the results. 

You let him fuck you sleepily, his hand moving to gently rub against your bud, soft, slow twists of his hand that gradually brought you closer and closer to your peak, other hand moving beneath you to grab at your breast, using it to pull you tightly against him.

Aemond did not whisper to you that evening, only soft moans and sighs leaving his lips behind you, head buried into your neck as he brought you lazily to your peak.

Pleasure rocked through you as you moaned, hips stuttering backwards as he continued his pace, fucking you through your release, slick coating your thighs and his cock as the fingers on your bud continued their ministrations.

Hot flames licked at you as he continued, his pace faltering as your walls clenched down on him tightly.

Aemond came with a grunt, pushing his cock to the hilt within you as he breathed raggedly into your shoulder, lips occasionally placing soft kisses to the skin. You felt his seed fill your core, its warmth settling inside of you hotly. 

Turning your head, Aemond captured your lips into a searing kiss, keeping himself inside of you. He kissed you until you felt out of breath, your release blanketing you in the fuzzy warmth of fatigue.

You hummed as Aemond pulled away, pulling you tightly against him, his length twitching inside of you.

You shifted, trying to tilt your hips so that his cock would slide from your folds, but Aemond only tightened his hold on you, pulling you tighter to his chest. 

“Shh. Go to sleep.” He murmured into your neck, placing another wet kiss there.

You stopped wriggling, feeling oddly full as you tried to do as he said and fall to sleep. It was distracting having him inside of you, and you would occasionally feel his cock jump within you, causing you to moan quietly and clench, and Aemond would shush you again. 

Slowly but surely, the fatigue of the day swept you to your sleep, with Aemond still buried deeply inside of you.

Thanks so much for reading along with me, if you wish to be added to the tag list please let me know :) Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated ! Enjoy <3

Tag List:

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Bold is who I cannot tag!

[capitaine-du-terror]

ARTICLES AND BOOKS (and illustrations!) BY H. GOODSIR

BOOKS

- Anatomical and pathological observations, 1845.

Goodsir, John (1814-1867) Goodsir, Henry Duncan Spens ("Harry") (1819-1847).

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/item/75603#page/9/mode/1up

Harry is the author of the following three chapters:

N°VI. The testis and its secretion in the decapodous crustaceans (pp 35-40)

N°XII. The mode of reproduction of the lost parts in the crustacea (pp 74-78)

N°XIII. Of the anatomy and development of the cystic entozoa (pp 79-103)

> The last one was read before the York Meeting of the British Association in 1844. I did a little research and found that Goodsir was “secretary” in the zoology and botany section:

(Read more:https://www.ypsyork.org/resources/articles/the-1844-british-association-conference-and-the-first-photographs-taken-in-york/ )

-Cases and observations illustrating the history and pathological relations of two kinds of hydatids, hitherto undescribed, 1844

Goodsir, Harry D. S. , Gairdner, John, Lee Thomas M. , Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/item/180385#page/3/mode/1up

Microscopial observations (two pages of illustrations at the end of the book, low quality).

-On two new species of leachia, 1841

Goodsir, Henry D. S. Esq.

(from the Edimburgh New philosophical Journal for October 1841)

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/item/188531#page/1/mode/1up

(One illustration at the end)

ARTICLES

-Description of the genus Cuma, and of two new genera nearly allied to it, 1843

in: The Edinburgh new philosophical journal, vol. 34, pp 119-129

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/12565428#page/139/mode/1up

(Illustrations at the end)

-On the specific and generic characters of the araneiform crustacea, 1844

in: The Annals and magazine of natural history; zoology, botany and geology, vol. 14, pp 1-4

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/2331360#page/14/mode/1up

(One plate at the beginning)

- Description of some animals found amongst the Gulf-weed, february 1845

in: The Annals and magazine of natural history; zoology, botany and geology, vol. 15, pp 73-76

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/2248314#page/98/mode/1up

(One plate at the beginning)

- Description of some gigantic forms of invertebrate animals from the coast of Scotland, june 1845

in: The Annals and magazine of natural history; zoology, botany and geology, vol. 15, pp 377-383

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/2248663#page/427/mode/1up

(One plate at the beginning)

-On the development, structure and eoconomy of the acephalocysts of authors; with an account of the natural analogies of the entozoa in general, june 1845

in: The Annals and magazine of natural history; zoology, botany and geology, vol. 14, pp 481-484

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/22068990#page/495/mode/1up

Abstracted from the Transactions of the Royal Society of Edinburgh, having been read April 1, 1844.

> which I, of course, found:

Transactions of the Royal Society of Edinburgh, vol XV

pp. 560-571, three plates

Link: https://archive.org/details/transactionsofro15roya/page/560/mode/2up?view=theater

(His brother was also there!)

-On several new species of Crustaceans allied to Saphirina, 1845

in: The Annals and magazine of natural history; zoology, botany and geology, vol. 16, pp 325-327

Link: https://www.biodiversitylibrary.org/page/22069398#page/339/mode/1up

+Plate XI (at the end)

This last article is also mentionning the Erebus... I'm not crying, you are.

PS: I hope you enjoyed this overview of Goodsir's work, it took me days to gather it all and I'm glad to be able to share it with you all. As I'll soon be in Edinburgh, you can expect to see more Goodsir content! Love <3

[armandposting]

okay I've gotten about halfway through, which I think actually covers most of the sexual violence. i intend to come back for the second half in a reblog of this post, as I can't remember for sure if there's more sexual violence there and either way want to mark the particularly disturbing physical violence in the second half.

page numbers for sexual and physical violence in The Vampire Armand

using Ballatine Books mass market paperback, first edition (2000). I've used both page and chapter numbers so hopefully this is somewhat usable even with other copies. if you want to just blanket avoid the worst of the sexual stuff, I'd advise just skipping chapters 2-5, although you will miss most of the Venice years by doing this.

use notes:

if you don't want to know anything of what happens, just use the page numbers and don't read the descriptions. the descriptions specify what happens in each scene I've marked. I've tried to balance accurately covering everything that happens so people can effectively use the descriptions as a risk assessment without going into too much detail.

sex scenes in this book tend to be pretty esoterically described with a lot of flowery euphemisms, though to an adult reader it's clear what's happening. i have used the word rape to describe various sex acts occurring even when armand doesnt understand exactly what's happening or is enjoying it. I havent specified which sex acts are happening in these notes.

during the Venice years, armand sleeps in marius's bed and is frequently held and kissed by him, but I haven't marked all mentions of this, only times when sex acts or particularly erotic blood sharing is involved.

the other violence tends to be more graphic/directly described than the sex and I've noted those scenes as well.

to avoid confusion I've referred to armand as "armand" throughout, even though he doesn't get that name until later in the book.

armand is about 15 when marius first buys him and about 17 by chapter 4. he's turned later in his 17th year. most of the sex happens between these two events, the majority in chapter 4. 

the page numbers do not necessarily pick up every time that armand thinks about these things happening to him in passing or their impacts on him, so even skipping all of these pages is not going to be completely trigger-free.

chapter 2, pages 29-35: description of armand first being sold after his abduction from Kiev, slightly more descriptive than what's told in the show. we're told that he's raped, beaten, and eventually begins to refuse food and drink, but it's not described in detail, except for a brief description of other boys in the brothel molesting him. 36-37: marius takes armand to his house and bathes him. he rapes armand in the tub. 51-52: marius rapes armand.

chapter 3, page 66: marius and armand are intimate, unclear whether sex occurs or if it's particularly charged blood sharing. 67-71: armand tries to offer sex to marius, they share blood several times. 73: more blood sharing, only briefly described.

chapter 4, pages 74-75: marius drops armand off at a brothel so that he can learn about sex. multiple sex acts between armand and the sex workers are briefly described. 76: after marius picks armand up again, he lets armand mimic some of the things from the brothel on him. they share blood. 78-79: marius drops armand off at another brothel, this time with boys and eunuchs. multiple sex acts are described. 80-82: armand "lets himself be seduced" by an englishman at least twice his age, they have sex and the englishman threatens to kill him. armand doesnt feel particularly threatened by this at the time and leaves. 83-86: upset by the experiences described above, armand goes to bianca, who is a friend of his, and they have sex. armand feels guilty and sees it as a "rape" and a "ravaging" but bianca participates and isn't upset about it. (note: bianca's age is never really clear to me; she's younger than marius appears to be but runs her own household.) 92-97: marius beats armand with a switch. armand pretends to enjoy it for a while to piss him off. marius only stops when armand is bleeding and thinks he won't be able to walk. marius then undresses armand and heals the wounds, hitting armand a few more times when he talks back. all of this is very sexually charged. marius eventually rapes him and they share blood. in my opinion the most upsetting scene in terms of sexual violence.

chapter 5, pages 114-131: this scene is kind of a doozy but I'll try to hit the main points. marius has brought armand along to kill a group of men who have been forcing bianca to poison people. the men hit on armand and try to give him gifts for sex. some of them start touching him before marius starts killing people. one of the men continues to come onto armand who starts to get increasingly upset. marius asks if armand will have sex with the man as his dying wish, unclear if he's joking. the last man alive asks for a kiss, armand, now extremely upset, kisses him on the cheek but the man turns his head to kiss his mouth. marius, after killing the last man, berates armand about the value of human life or whatever and kisses armand several times. 138-144 [this is split over the end of chapter 5 and the beginning of 6]: the englishman armand previously had sex with comes to the palazzo in a jealous rage and kills several of the other boys. some are noted to be as young as seven. armand fatally stabs the englishman and is wounded with his poisoned blades. I've ended the page numbers after the fight is over but armand continues to be dying from the poison for the rest of chapter 6 and 7.

chapter 8 is when armand is turned, but it's not particularly sexually charged for once.

nothing else of note up to chapter 10, which is where I'll pick up for part two.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Assorted bits/trivia/propaganda: • Favorite volume cover poll can be found here, and favorite inner volume cover poll can be found here. • Chapter 47's art is Kaiu Shirai's favorite color chapter cover art per the "Tracks to the Neverland" exhibition book interview (from December 2020): "Amazingly drawn upper arms (and legs!) Everyone is drawn differently for their different ages! I adore the happy smiles of a mother and her daughters. It's a color page published on One Piece's 20th anniversary, so let me applaud the use of the straw hats and One Piece theme. I love it. Only Emma's hat is fringed and that's the best!" • Chapter 75's art is Demizu's fifth favorite color chapter cover art per the exhibition interview: "The theme was graduation, and I had a lot of trouble deciding the color of the clothes, which left a lasting impression on me. The color scheme is a bit mismatched thanks to the combination of bright colors like foreign uniforms and cherry blossoms, but I think I turned out beautifully." • Chapter 119 was the inspiration for the "The Guiding Star" short story originally published in Shounen Jump GIGA 2019 Summer Volumes 1–3 and eventually reprinted in the fourth light novel, "Films of Memories." (First part can be found here, translated by @presumenothing.) • I included the original spread of chapter 153 in WSJ because the "he is always alone" line kills me. This is also Shirai's fifth favorite color chapter cover art per the exhibition interview: "God. Representing Norman’s mental landscape like this..? I want to take a peek inside Demizu-sensei’s brain! The expression on Norman’s face, a burnt land's grief, frailty; Emma and Ray appearing there. It hit me so hard that I used the metaphor for the main story as well. I love it!" • Chapter 181 propaganda by @tutubola and some tag ramblings:

"i really like this actually. ray carrying one of the younger kids? norman w rolled up pants? the vulnerability???? all of them w rolled up pants/skirts actually. gilda looks so cute. and look at sherry she's so obsessed w norman it's so cute. i would make this more elaborate but i cant think rn be back in 46-79 business days (#it's the more-than-earned casualness of it all combined with it being one of those pictures you can hear the sound of #the soft ebb and flow of the waves and cry of the seagulls #with the warmth emanating from this scene of this family that against all odds was able to overturn destiny #and come out together just as close as not more so than where we started with them in the very first chapter #enhanced by the gentle hues of the setting sun to parallel the end of their long and hard-fought journey #and the warm air that's carried by an equally gentle sea breeze~ #shoutout specifically to seeing Anna‚ Don‚ Norman‚ and Ray naturally falling into their elder sibling roles #showcasing one of the fundamental cores of this series #healingly wholesome)

[kirame90]

SniperSpy lives happily ever after (FINALE)

Well. SniperSpy's Great Misadventures has finally come to its end. I'm not going to lie, I will miss this project so damn much but at the same time I couldn't be happier I got to tell the story I wanted and give my dearest darlings the ending they deserve. This is the ending I always wanted to give them and this is the ending I always had in mind with each chapter.

Thank you so very much to those who reblogged this comic along the way.

To celebrate the LGBTQ+ month the charity of June 2023 shall be Outright International

Outright International works with partners around the globe to strengthen the capacity of the LGBTQ+ human rights movement, document and amplify human rights violations, and advocate for inclusion and equality. You can find their global projects here

The characters don't belong to me, the artwork does.

First part / Previous part

All dem other parts:

Part1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part 15

Part 16

Part 17

Part 18

Part 19

Part 20

Part 21

Part 21,5

Part 22

Part 23

Part 24

Part 25

Part 26

Part 27

Part 28

Part 29

Part 30

Part 31

Part 32

Part 33

Part 34

Part 35

Part 36

Part 37

Part 38

Part 39

Part 40

Part 41

Part 42

Part 43

Part 44

Part 45

Part 46

Part 47

Part 48

Part 49

Part 50

Part 51

Part 52

Part 53

Part 54

Part 55

Part 56

Part 57

Part 58

Part 59

Part 60

Part 61

Part 62

Part 63

Part 64

Part 65

Part 66

Part 67

Part 68

Part 69

Part 70

Part 71

Part 72

Part 73

Part 74

Part 75

Part 76

Part 77

Part 78

Part 79

Part 80

Part 81

Part 82

Part 83

Part 84

Part 85

Part 87

Part 88

Part 89

Part 90

Part 91

Part 92

Part 93

Part 94

Part 95

Part 96

Part 97

Part 98

Part 99

Part 100

Part 101

Part 102

Page 103

Page 104

Part 105

Part 106

Part 107

Part 108

Part 109

Part 110

Part 111

Part 112

Part 113

Part 114

Part 115

Part 116

Part 117

Part 118

Part 119

Part 120

Part 121

Part 122

Part 123

Part 124

Part 125

Part 126

Part 127

Part 128

Part 129

Part 130

Part 131

Part 132

Part 133

Part 134

Part 135

Part 136

Part 137

Part 138

Part 139

Part 140

Part 141

Part 142

Part 143

Part 144

Part 145

Part 146

Part 147

Part 148

Part 149

Part 150

Part 151

Part 152

Part 153

Part 154

Part 155

Part 156

[gloomforrestrunes]

Chapter 3, Page 79

prev // next // first

how nice of the ancestors to throw in some variety

[noendcomic]

Chapter 13, part 1, page 79 - Read the update here!

You can reread the comic on Webtoons! Comic updates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

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[therisingdarkness]

5 Times Ghoul Left the Bar Alone, and One Time He Didn’t

Written for @cloned-eyes and for Ghoul and Odessa. I really took my time here cause I wanted it to be perfect. So heads up, it’s like 41 pages. It gets a little heavy here so proceed with caution. Tagging @lune-de-miel-au-paradis because they asked for it XD

ALSO heads up but next chapter is just gonna be like...smut. Lots and lots of smut. I guess if you wanna be tagged for notifications send me an ask and I’ll hold onto your handle. I don’t have a timeline cause I really wanna take my time with it, but if you wanna be tagged for the last update let me know. Once I’m done this is all gonna be posted on Ao3 as well, and I’ll drop the link eventually.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

I’m late, Odessa thought as she hurried to replace the bottles of liquor in their proper places on the shelves. Rumi bumped into her from behind, pushing her further against the counter she was already leaning over and almost making her drop the Corellian whiskey. Annoyance shot through her, making her lekku twitch erratically. Rumi gave her a strange look, but said nothing. They were all a little on edge with the sudden and unexpected influx of customers, prompting their boss to have them all scheduled to be working at the same time. They were all exhausted, sweaty, sticky from spilled liquor, and tensions were running at an all time high.

She knew it wasn’t the fault of the customers—four separate battalions had returned to Coruscant at the same time, two having secured an unexpected foothold against the Separatist forces that had the news channels buzzing with excitement. Naturally the clones were looking to celebrate and Odessa refused to hold it against them for going off the rails, even if it meant running herself a little ragged; besides, no matter how irritated or tired she was, it was good to see them laughing and smiling and rough-housing around with another. 

The Republic had suffered too many losses over the past several months—a solid win to bolster spirits and morale, for both the common citizen and the soldiers, had been sorely needed. She only wished her boss had had the foresight to schedule her and the other girls in staggered shifts, instead of the rough sixteen-hour stretches that left her feeling like her bones had liquefied. 

“Odie!” one of the new clones called out, trying to carry a tune as he all but sang out her name. “Ooooodiiiieee! I need another round!”

“I am thinking you are about to be cut off,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at Cobra, who was absolutely supporting himself on the shoulders of another, less enthusiastic clone. He grinned at her, tried to wink, and ended up just blinking with both eyes instead. 

“I’m perfectly fine,” he said, swaying gently in place. 

“Mmm, I think not. But you deserve to cut loose, so this one time I am looking the other way. How many?”

“Eight shots, Rotgut!”

Odessa wrinkled her nose at his choice but expertly lined up eight small shotglasses and quickly pulled the Rotgut from beneath the bar, pouring a generous amount into each glass so the liquor spilled over the rim. She wasn’t going to be stingy with servings, not this week. Her boss would complain later and she’d be ready to give him an earful about how the boys deserved to indulge, especially since they were still paying for everything.

“Try not to spill all over my floor,” she said as she helped him situate the little glasses between his fingers. She knew very little about Cobra, except that he was one of the bigger clones she had seen come through 79’s, that he was a medic, and that he loved to talk.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me,” he laughed, holding up his hands and wriggling his fingers; the glasses clinked against one another, but nothing spilled or slipped out of his grasp. “Steadiest hands in the GAR! You should see me operating in the field!”

“Very impressive,” Odessa agreed, surprised by the way he didn’t shake at all, despite his obvious inebriation.

“Yeah? You should see what else these hands are good for.”

Cobra actually managed a real wink this time, but Odessa shook her head and smiled, unaffected by his charm. Fending off the regulars was easy; they all knew where the boundary lines laid and didn’t make any attempt to push any of the girls outside of their comfort zones. Flirting was just part of the job description, and Odessa knew how the game was played well enough to rake in a generous amount of tips every night. Cobra didn’t know any better, but it was still good fun, even if she didn’t humor him as much as she might have a few months ago.

“Go enjoy,” she said, “and next time ask Rumi for drinks; she is having her eye on you all day.”

“Can you blame her?” Cobra said, his grin only enhanced by the piercings he wore on his lower lip. He tossed his head, the curls of his mohawk flopping into his eyes, before laughing and heading back to his table, where he was greeted by his men with rousing cheers. The clone he had been leaning on, a quiet man with a dour expression, followed after him a little more slowly, the only sober one of the bunch.

I’m late, Odessa thought again as she watched Cobra and his companion get sucked back into the fold of their unit. 

“Magda,” she called out, catching the attention of the older woman working the floor. “I have to take my break—there is a very important call I am to be making. Please, can I go?”

Magda, tall and striking with dark skin and darker eyes, groaned and rubbed her hand up and down her face. She was older than both her and Rumi combined and had worked at 79’s the longest. She had been the one to teach Odessa the art of bartending, how to serve drinks on a tray without the whole thing tipping over, and how to subtly encourage a patron’s philandering without leading him on. She was usually a fun-loving, boisterous woman…but right now she looked as though she wanted to strangle Odessa with her own lekku.

“You’re killin’ me, kiddo,” Magda said. “You see how many clones are in here tonight? I got the whole GAR drinkin’ us out of stock!!”

“I know, and I am so so sorry,” Odessa pressed, “but I really must make this call. It is my father, and if I don’t he will become so worried—I promised I would find time and he hates it when I am unable to keep my promises–-”

“You tell your old man that he better let you live your life,” Magda complained. “You’re an adult, sweetheart, you get to call your own shots. Kark happens and not everything is gonna go accordin’ to plan.”

“Yes,” she agreed, “but it is very different on Ryloth. I am expected to keep my word.”

“You’re not on Ryloth anymore.”

Odessa paused, a small, secret part of her whispering that Magda was right, that she shouldn’t have to give in to her father’s whims now that she was so far removed from his watchful eye. She tried to think of the worst thing that could happen if she were to just…keep working, skip break, skip the call she was already supposed to be making, and continue about her day like she didn’t have anyone but herself to care about. The image of her father’s disappointed face rose to the forefront of her mind, the frown lines bracketing his mouth even more pronounced than they usually were. A shudder worked its way up her spine and Odessa shook her head violently.

“Sorry,” she said, with an apologetic smile, “I will make it up to you, I promise!”

Magda looked at her with something close to concern. Despite the warnings she gave on Odessa’s first day about how she wasn’t going to hold anyone’s hand or come to the rescue for every little mistake made, Magda still had a tendency to mother her from time to time; and not just Odessa, but the other girls as well. She was always listening to Rumi complain about her dating life, giving advice where needed, and she had been quick to call a cab for Kri’tak when she was too drunk to make it home on her own. Maybe she couldn’t help herself…but Odessa always knew she could count on Magda to be the teeniest bit lenient.

“How long have you been here?” Magda asked, checking the time on her wristpiece. 

“I think twelve hours,” Odessa said.

“Ugh. I can’t believe he’s keeping you girls this long…okay. Tell you what. You go take break, make your little call and tell Daddy everything is fine, and then I’m gonna have you clean the counter. After that, you go home and get some rest. How’s that sound?”

“But we are so busy!” Odessa said, immediately thinking she must have done something wrong for her to be sent home earlier than she had been staying in previous days.

“Psshh,” Magda scoffed. “I can handle a whole garrison by myself, you think I need backup? Rumi and I’ll hold it down for the night. That brat owes me a favor anyway. Go call your dad and try to eat somethin’, okay? You’ve been on your feet all day.”

“So have you,” Odessa protested weakly as Magda set her hands on her shoulders and steered her toward the back rooms.

“Not another word,” Magda said.

79’s didn’t have a dedicated employee break room, but what it did have was a tiny, cramped office with a desk, a chair, and a beat up holocom that had certainly seen better years. Their boss used the office for crunching numbers whenever he was around, but the girls almost exclusively used it to take their breaks, eat, or even nap. The holocom itself served few purposes, but it could still make long distance transmissions with minimal hiccups and Odessa and the others were permitted to use it as long as they were off the clock. Since she didn’t own one herself, 79’s was one of the few places where she could make a call without having to wait in line or pay.

A heavy box of new tumblers sat on the only chair in the room, and while she waited for the holocom to boot up Odessa tidied up as much as she could so it didn’t look so much like a chaotic mess. Her father would certainly say something, like he had the last few times. First it was about the noise of laughter and shouting that couldn’t be drowned out even by the closed door (but there was a party that time too, and she couldn't have told the boys to be quiet), then it had been about the form fitting pants and low cut top that was part of her bartender’s ‘uniform’ (she had almost begged Rumi to come show off the same outfit, to prove it was, in fact, a uniform), and then it was about the bar itself, how demeaning and degrading it was of her to work in such an environment, where she would be exploited for her pretty looks and ‘exotic’ accent, no doubt. She could almost hear her father’s voice in her head and replay word for word the way he had lectured her each time, as though it was within her power to change things.

Too late, Odessa realized she was shaking. She looked down at her hands, watching the way her fingers trembled as she flexed them. Nothing like Cobra’s, firm and still even with five strong drinks already buzzing through his veins. She bet he was a fantastic field surgeon and all the men in his squad seemed to love him immensely, if the way they had kept hugging on him throughout the night had been any indication.

She wished she had some of that steadfastness now.

The holocom beeped to life, the screen lighting up with its usual dingy blue tint that washed out the entire room. Odessa exhaled forcefully and quickly started up the transmitter, inputting the code her father had sent her to establish the link to Ryloth. 

Just be cordial, she coached herself as she sat down in the chair, readjusting her lekku behind her back, then thinking better of it and pulling them over her shoulders to obscure the blouse she was wearing. The terminal chirped as it made its connection. Odessa swallowed and nervously shifted, hoping that the scanner on her end was also working, though she’d have no way of telling until—

“Odessa?” 

The sudden, harsh sound of her father’s voice made her flinch. 

“Can you see me? Is it working?”

A low hum emanated from the transmitter as it pieced together an image from the data gathered by its CPU; slowly but surely, a miniature copy of her father flickered into view, the reception making him appear a little wavy and slightly out of focus. Though less than half a meter tall, he managed to appear larger than life with his arms crossed over his chest and his long lekku draped over his shoulders. His presence filled the room, until Odessa felt like she was shrinking in on herself to escape his scrutiny. Though the hologram washed out the color of his skin and eyes, she could still feel the heat of his stare and knew that he was silently appraising her.

“Kora,” Odessa said in Ryl, smiling despite her apprehensions. “It’s so good to see you. I’m sorry I was—”

“Late,” he interrupted. “I expected you hours ago. You’re fortunate I was still around to take the call.”

Her smile faltered and she felt a sensation inside of her like the weight of a stone dropping into the pit of her stomach. Trust her father to immediately find something to criticize, despite the fact that it had been two months since they had last spoken.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again. “We’ve been so busy today, I didn’t think I’d find time. How have you been? I-I miss you. And Firith. Is he around?”

“Your brother is out scouting,” Silais said, inclining his head toward her. “I don’t know when he’s expected back; we’ve been maintaining comm silence for the past few weeks.”

“Oh…is everything alright?”

“There is a war going on.”

She flinched again without meaning to, taking hold of the ends of her lekku and pretending to play with them to quell her nervousness.

He can see you, a little voice said in the back of her mind. You can’t hide from him. He knows you’re on edge.

“I know,” she said, looking down in her lap. “You don’t have to treat me like I’m a child who doesn’t know anything.”

“You’re my child,” her father said with a little huff, “and I shouldn’t have to remind you. You know our transmissions can be tracked by the Separatists. I risk it every time we call.”

“I don’t want to argue,” Odessa said, even as guilt struck at her heart. “Can we just…have a nice conversation? For once? I want to know how you’re doing.”

Silais stared at her for a moment before sighing and dropping one hand to his hip. The other went to the back of his head, scratching at the bulbous junction of his lekku. She knew there was a lot on his shoulders—the worry he carried for her and her brother, the pressure coming down on him from Syndulla, and the stress that came from the war itself and not knowing if their people were going to be able to arm themselves well enough to fight back. Odessa knew it was her duty, as his daughter, to try and keep the peace between them as much as possible. He didn’t need any additional worries…but it wasn’t her fault that he talked to her the way he did.

“I’ve been doing about as well as can be expected, given the circumstances,” Silais eventually said. “There’s not enough to go around and for every supply drop that manages to make it past the Separatist blockade, there’s three more that fail. You remember how things were.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Odessa asked, her heart breaking thinking about her father and brother going without food or sleep. “I can try and pick up more shifts so I can send you credits for—”

“No,” he said sternly, holding up a hand to halt her in the middle of her sentence, “I sent you to Coruscant so you wouldn’t be affected by this. We’ll manage, like we always have.”

“I’d rather be back on Ryloth, with you, than here by myself,” Odessa admitted sullenly, biting her lower lip. “I wish you hadn’t sent me away.”

She almost hadn’t forgiven him for doing so. Barely a month after the violent passing of her mother, she had awoken one morning to find a bag packed and a transport waiting to take her off-world. If it hadn’t been for Firith begging her to go, for her own sake and for his, she would have fought for blood to stay. A part of her had even dared to hope that Silais would finally see reason and permit her to finally learn how to shoot, how to fight and scout so that she’d be of some use to the Rebellion…but she had been naive to think so. If anything, her mother’s death had only hardened his resolve. 

She could still remember how he had dragged her from their home, kicking and screaming, and forced her aboard the ship. He had stood over her and told her it was for her own good, that he wouldn’t lose her too, and that had been the end of it. She couldn’t think of the way Ryloth had looked in the viewport, getting smaller and smaller until they made the jump to hyperspace, without crying. Sometimes she still woke up at night, trembling and frightened, her face soaked with tears. Coruscant was nothing like Ryloth…and she missed home so dearly.

“I did what I had to do,” Silais said with a weary sigh. “I wish I could make you understand how difficult that choice was for me.”

Odessa wanted to snap back that it hadn’t seemed all that hard for him when he had tossed her into one of the transport’s seats and forcibly buckled her in, but thought better of it. She didn’t want to argue. She wanted to hear about his day and listen to him talk and pretend that he wasn’t thousands of lightyears away. She wanted to tell him about her work and studies and wanted him to tell her that she was doing a good job and that he was proud of her. She wished Firith was there to mediate; he was good at that sort of thing, always able to tell when tensions were running too high and butting in with a joke or a story. Odessa missed him and the way he’d hug her so tight, lifting her off the ground every time. 

“Maybe one day I will,” she said, trying not to make a face about it. “In the meantime you will be happy to hear that I’ve applied for the citizenship test. It’s still months away but I’ve gathered all the material and have been studying.”

“That’s good,” Silais said, and he did in fact look pleased with that news; his lekku twitched in a way that denoted relief, and the creases carved into his forehead from years spent worrying about everything he couldn't control smoothed out. “It’ll afford you better opportunities in the long run. Hopefully you won’t be forced to work at that bar for much longer.”

“I like the bar, actually,” Odessa said with a small smile that meant more to herself than anything else. “I like meeting new people and everyone’s been really nice. It’s a lot easier than I thought it’d be; the hardest part was memorizing the mixed drinks.”

“It’s beneath you,” Silais said with a frown. “A job like that only plays into the stereotypes about our people. Besides…I don’t like you hanging all those men.”

“Kora…they’re mostly clones, I told you. They’re just looking to drink, flirt, and maybe forget about the war for a little bit. They’re perfectly harmless.”

“Yes, harmless—until you wind up pregnant and alone.”

“Kora!”

Silais shrugged. It wasn't that he didn't like clones, or didn't trust them—the opposite, really. Like most Twi'lek he respected the clone army and the sacrifices they made, and had even gone so far as to suggest to Cham Syndulla that they be granted some sort of status on Ryloth once the war ended…but all that altruism bled out of him where his daughter was concerned.

"I'm not saying you'd fall for their charm," Silais said dryly, "but I'm sure others have. I just worry about you, that's all. You're a young woman, alone on a strange planet–"

"And whose fault is that?!"

"–living by yourself and working the kind of job that gets you into…situations. I really wish you'd try and find a roommate or–"

"That's not how the system works. I told you a hundred times: the housing allowance for individuals is based on marital status."

"Hm. Maybe I should have married you off before sending you away."

Odessa rolled her eyes, annoyed at the implication that he could just do as he pleased and she'd go along with it. Silais probably thought he was joking…but as usual, all his 'jokes' fell flat. Maybe he felt like he was trying to lighten the mood…but even his softest moments were ruined by his incessant need to micromanage. Sometimes she wondered if he had really meant to send her all the way across the galaxy, if only because it put her so far away from his ability to oversee every detail of her day-to-day life.

It was a mistake to call, she thought to herself as she pulled a container of dried jogan fruit from her backpack. Encouraging her father's lame attempts at humor was beyond her capabilities at the moment; her skin prickled every time he made a backhanded comment about the clones, too. None of the ones she had met had ever once made her feel like she wouldn't be safe in a room with them. She wasn't so air-headed to believe that they were all noble or anything like that…but she felt like she was a pretty good judge of character.

Besides…it wasn't like she had ever taken one of them back to her apartment.

Except Ghoul, the voice in her head reminded her. Almost Ghoul.

"Is there anything you can share that I can relay to our people at the refugee center?" Odessa asked, shoving that errant thought to the back of her mind and popping a piece of fruit into her mouth. "They're always asking me if I have any information from back home; it'd be nice to be able to tell them something, for a change."

Silais curled his finger against his lips and thought for a moment. 

"Syndulla is hopeful for the future," he said diplomatically. "Ultimately he believes we will be able to take back control of our homeland, and that everyone who has been displaced will be able to return to Ryloth."

"That's really vague," Odessa complained. "You can't say more? Please, Kora?"

"You're shameless," he groaned. "Fine. We recently came into possession of intel that will, in time, turn the tide of the war. Do not ask me for anything else. I've already said enough."

It still wasn't much, but Odessa was satisfied, knowing full well that any word was better than nothing. So many Twi'leks had been forced to flee Ryloth, and not all of them came through Coruscant; those who had looked to her to keep them updated on reports from home, only because of her father's position within the Rebellion. She had made no secret of who she was, feeling it was the very least Silais owed her for what he had done.

"They'll be so happy to hear that," she said. "No matter how long it takes, just to have hope is enough to keep them going."

"It's all we have," Silais said, softening. "Your…mother used to say that hope was the lifeblood of rebellions."

Odessa froze. Her father never brought up the subject of her mother, not on his own, not without heavy prompting. The wound her death had left on him ran deep, changing him from the inside out until he hardly resembled the kind and patient man she remembered from her childhood. For him to even mention her now…it brought an ache to Odessa's heart that stabbed like a knife, sharp and twisting until she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"She would know what to say," Odessa said, her voice warped with the effort it took not to cry.

Silais smiled and it was a small, pained smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"She always did."

"Odie!!"

The door to the office bounced open with the force of Rumi throwing her entire body against it, bursting into the room with an exuberant smile and no regard at all for privacy. Odessa scrambled to wipe her eyes and spun around in her seat, mildly horrified that her private conversation had been disturbed so violently.

"I am having a call, Rumi," Odessa hissed, but her coworker just laughed and shook her head so that her tendrils fanned out in every direction.

"Yeah, well your boyfriend just walked through the door and immediately demanded to know where you were, so I had to come tell you."

"'Boyfriend'?" Silais repeated behind Odessa, his tone back to its usual sharpness.

"I don't have a boyfriend," she said rapidly over her shoulder. The ends of her lekku curled in obvious happiness though, and she heard her father gasp in horror.

"He is not my boyfriend," she said to Rumi, glaring as the Mikkian giggled behind her hand. "Be minding your own business!"

"He took you out last time he was here," Rumi said, a mischievous grin on her face. "And he doesn't like anyone else, except you. I think it's cute!"

"Who is this man?" Silais demanded to know. "Where did he take you? Is he a clone?"

"Kora! I don't have a boyfriend, Ghoul's just a friend!"

"His name is Ghoul?"

"Anyway, he's probably waiting for you to serve him," Rumi kept on while Odessa just dropped her face into her hands with a groan. "He'll die of thirst if you don't get out there. Come on girl, break time's over!"

“Odessa,” Silais snapped the second Rumi closed the door behind her again, “is what she said true? Are you seeing someone? A clone?”

“She’s exaggerating,” Odessa said, stuffing her snacks back into her bag and scrambling to fix her uniform. “He is only a friend.”

No he’s not, her inner voice whispered.

“Why am I just now hearing about this?”

“Ugh, because it’s my life! I’m allowed to have friends and go places after work!”

Silais threw his hands up in the air and turned in a tight, frustrated circle, staring at her in disbelief as she shook all the contents in her bag to settle them before zipping it back up. Odessa’s heart throbbed in her throat—she couldn’t swallow around it, couldn’t breathe past it. Ghoul was there, and he had asked for her specifically. It wasn’t the first time a regular had requested her attention before, but it was…it was different this time. She had to get back out there, even if his order was the last thing she did before clocking out; no one else was gonna know what he liked without asking.

“I didn’t send you to Coruscant for you to traipse around the city with every soldier who tries to fill your head with their tales of glory,” Silais scolded her. Odessa wasn’t looking at him, but he sounded angry—angry enough that some petty part of her felt glad about it, like it served him right. 

“Then you shouldn’t have sent me here at all,” Odessa said, checking her reflection in the tiny mirror by the door. “I’ve been alone this whole time and I’m tired of it. I’m not going to isolate myself just to make you feel better for abandoning me.”

“I didn’t abandon you,” Silais whispered loudly. “How can you say that? I sent you away to protect you!”

“You weren’t ‘protecting’ me. You were a coward and you didn’t want me to end up like Mother!”

“Odessa, watch your tongue, before–”

“Which never would have happened if you had taught her how to shoot.”

As soon as the words left her mouth she wished she could take them back. The sharp inhale she heard her father take felt like it sucked all the air out of the room; the humming of the holocom transmitter and the muffled laughter from the bar were the only sounds between them. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t bring herself to see the expression on his face—the one thing she knew she shouldn’t bring up, the one thing she knew ate at Silais every waking moment of his life…and she had weaponized it.

It had been a mistake to call. She should have left it for another time when she could make use of the free holocoms offered by some of the public service centers. It would have meant less privacy but she would have been far enough away from the bar that there wouldn’t have been any real distractions. Maybe they could have had a nice conversation—maybe Firith would have been back from his scouting mission, and he would have never let things get so…so bad. 

It’s too late, she thought to herself. Nothing can be done about it.

“I have to go back to work,” Odessa said softly. She tried not to think about how pathetic and small her voice sounded. “Give Firith my love. I’ll talk to you later.”

She didn’t hear anything for a moment…then came the sound of the call disconnecting. Somehow the silence Silais left behind was even louder. 

Odessa breathed a sigh of…something. Not relief. There was no solace to be found where her father was concerned, not when…not when their calls ended like that. The last time they had spoken had almost ended similarly, with Odessa being the one to cut the transmission because of the overbearing way he had criticized her choice to work at 79’s (for the hundredth time, it felt like), as opposed to something more ‘reputable’. No matter how many times she tried to tell him that her position at the refugee center was voluntary, it didn’t seem to get through his thick skull. Firith had been there that time and had managed to step in to keep them from going at each other’s throats, but there was only so much he could do.

Just forget about it, she told herself. Go back to work. Finish your shift. Go see Ghoul.

Ghoul.

Just the thought of him was enough to relax some of the tension that had built into her shoulders and ease the headache lancing through her lekku. It had only been fifteen rotations since he had taken her to the shooting range and showed her how to properly fire a blaster. Fifteen rotations since he had escorted her back to her apartment. Fifteen long rotations since she kissed him goodnight and watched him walk away with a giddiness in her chest that hadn’t ever abated. She wished she had thought to ask him for his commlink info before letting him leave; he didn’t seem like the kind of man to send spontaneous messages in the late hours of the night or anything, but Odessa would have liked the ability to just…tell him again how much she had enjoyed being taken out and taught a skill that, while no means perfect, was still more than her own father had done for her.

And…she would have liked to tell him how much she wanted to kiss him again, and more.

Odessa groaned and patted her cheeks, trying to ward off the immediate flush that colored her skin a slightly darker shade of bluish-green. She couldn’t afford to stand around wondering, She wanted to put the disaster of a call with her father behind her. She wanted to see Ghoul again and maybe talk to him before Magda dragged her out of 79’s by her lekku. Plus, it was still early enough in the day that she’d have plenty of time to stop by the refugee center to relay her father’s information to her people. Just the thought of their relieved faces and excited whispers was enough to send adrenaline racing through her veins.

Determined to end her day on a good note, no matter what, Odessa quickly threw her backpack into its corner and hurried back out to the bar, chewing on her lower lip as she scanned the floor—now packed to the brim with patrons—for her favorite clone. Thankfully, Ghoul wasn’t a difficult man to lose in a crowd. In fact, if she didn’t know any better she would have thought he had been waiting to catch her eye, for how quickly he seemed to look up and meet her gaze. He sat at a table in the corner, where he seemed to prefer to take his drinks, and was joined once again by Commander Wolffe. Odessa felt her heart somersault as Ghoul lifted a hand, giving a little half-wave in acknowledgement of seeing her. She smiled brightly, waving back before turning to grab a glass from the clean rack and the half full bottle of Catsblood from its shelf. 

I hope he’s not upset with me, she thought to herself as she carefully overpoured by just a smidge. 

It wasn’t that she actually thought he was, but…the last thing she had done was kiss him and she still didn’t know how he had felt about it. He hadn’t really kissed her back or anything, or made any sort of move or noise to indicate he had enjoyed it…but neither had he shoved her away or made a face or…anything, really. It had been an odd kiss compared to the ones she’d given and received before…but out of all of them she thought she had enjoyed it the most, for how sweetly deserved it had felt to give. Odessa knew if she wanted to assuage any of her fears then she really should have asked for his…oh, but she could ask for it now! 

The idea struck her like a lightning bolt, rendering her lekku stiff with excitement. She almost spun in place before putting the bottle of liquor back on the shelf, and then almost forgot to take the glass with her as she skirted her way through the employee gate and out onto the floor, dodging and weaving her way between clones and civilians alike before finally, finally making it over to where Ghoul sat with his brother.

He watched her approach, staring in that unblinking way of his that sometimes set her on edge. It almost reminded her of the way her father would stare at her when he was trying to subtly inform her that he was displeased, but with Ghoul she only felt like he was…studying her. Like he couldn’t quite put his finger on something that was bothering him. Odessa found she didn’t mind being the subject of his scrutiny, though she wondered what was going on inside his head when he looked at her. Did he…think she was pretty? Was he still thinking about the kiss she had given him too? Was he trying to figure out how to ask her about it? She wished he would, if only because not knowing how he felt about it was eating a hole inside of her.

“It is so good to be seeing you again,” Odessa said warmly as she reached their tableside. She deposited Ghoul’s drink in front of him and nodded politely at Commander Wolffe, who raised his own drink to her in greeting. “Rumi said you had not ordered yet—I hope I did not keep you waiting for very long.”

Ghoul shook his head and curled his hands around his glass, staring down into the drink. He didn’t look any different than he usually did, no new scars or anything obvious; she had to wonder what he had been up to for the past fifteen rotations, if he had been allowed to stay on leave for so long or if there had been another mission in the interim. To her eyes he looked good, well-rested and a little relaxed in a way that made her suspect he hadn’t been forced back on deployment; she could only tell because whenever he wasn’t scowling the little furrow between his brows disappeared, smoothing out his forehead and making him look slightly more approachable.

“Wasn’t long,” Ghoul said, the sound of his raspy voice, which she had come to enjoy the sound of, sending a shiver creeping through her. “Besides, you know what I like.”

“Anyone would know what you like, if you bothered to tell them,” Wolffe spoke up. He kept looking between them curiously, his cybernetic eye in stark contrast with the other, to the point where it seemed there was something on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to say but was refraining from doing so.

Ghoul shrugged and took a sip of his drink.

“The other one’s annoying,” he said sullenly. “Talks too much. Odessa already knows my order.”

“Careful there,” Wolffe said with a smirk, “you’re starting to sound like a regular.”

Odessa tried to keep herself from giggling, but only with monumental effort that didn’t extend to the very tips of her lekku, which convulsed prettily with how warm it made her feel to hear that Ghoul would rather wait to be served by her than bother talking to anyone else. How and when his rudeness had become an endearing trait was a mystery, but she didn’t care; it was nice to know that he felt comfortable enough to ask for her by name.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” she asked, addressing Ghoul specifically. “My shift is almost over but if I am not minding staying over just a little bit if you are needing something else.”

“You’re leaving?” Ghoul asked, looking up at her with that wrinkle back between his brows again. “I thought…don’t your shifts normally…uh, last longer?”

“Normally, yes,” Odessa said, “but I have been working since the morning—since it is being so busy lately and there are only so few of us, we have all been scheduled longer hours.”

“Oh…,” Ghoul said, unable to hide the disappointment in his tone. “That’s…too bad.”

“He was looking forward to seeing you,” Wolffe said. Ghoul’s head shot up and Odessa watched him focus a glare so powerful on his brother that she wasn’t sure she’d survive being on the receiving end.

“Shut. Up,” Ghoul hissed, for all the good it did. For as long as she had known Wolffe, she had never known the commander to back down from anyone.

“It was his idea to come down here,” he forged ahead, meeting Ghoul’s glare with a smug look. “He practically dragged me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“What? I’m right, aren’t I?”

Odessa covered her mouth with her hand to stop the laughter from bubbling forth. The way they acted with each other reminded her so much of herself and Firith, in a good way; the love between them was apparent, and Ghoul’s threat carried no weight behind it. It made her happy to know that he had someone else looking out for him, even if that someone was Commander Wolffe; he was still scary at times, very intimidating before he had his first drink, but even her perception of him had changed since Ghoul started showing up. Wolffe couldn’t possibly maintain his perfect image around his brother, not all the time.

“Well I am glad you came by,” Odessa said before Ghoul could crawl over the table and strangle Wolffe. “I…wanted to thank you again, for the lesson. It was very much fun.”

“Lesson?” Wolffe asked, his eyebrows arching in surprise. “What kind of lesson?”

“It’s nothing,” Ghoul said sharply. “Mind your own damn business.”

“He took me to a shooting range,” Odessa said, happily ignoring Ghoul’s warning signs. “I do not know my way around a blaster, but he showed me how to handle one safely—I even hit the target, though it took me many times. He is very patient.”

“That…doesn’t sound like him at all,” Wolffe laughed. “You sure you got the right guy? We all look alike, y’know.”

“I am positive,” Odessa said, smiling. “Ghoul is one of a kind. I could not be mistaking him for anyone else.”

Wolffe snorted into his drink and Ghoul jerked; a split second later Wolffe yelped, reaching beneath the table to grab at his leg, which Odessa realized Ghoul must have kicked. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, trying not to lose her composure directly in front of them, but this time her efforts failed and she let out a peal of sharp laughter that caught the attention of at least a few more clones. More importantly, it caught Ghoul’s attention. The very tops of his cheeks flushed, the color spreading quickly to his ears before he looked back down at the table.

“Fair enough,” Wolffe said, rubbing his shin. “Ghoul’s one of the best marksmen I’ve ever seen; you couldn’t learn from better.”

“I believe it. Uhm…I am hoping though…”

“Yeah?” Ghoul asked, looking back up, his expression just a little expectant, if she was not mistaken. She didn’t want to be. She wanted to be right, that she was able to read his face just a little better after the time they had spent together. It made her feel like…like that was something she had that very few others did, and that Ghoul allowed it because…because she had earned it.

“I am thinking it would be nice if…if I could be having your comm details,” Odessa said, a little breathlessly. She had to get the words out before she forgot, before she lost her nerve. She still didn’t know if Ghoul had enjoyed the kiss, but if he had come back, and if he had asked for her, then he couldn’t possibly be upset about it, right?

“My…my what?” Ghoul asked.

“Your commlink,” Wolffe said. “You know, the thing you used to wake me up before the sun had risen? Give her your transmission codes.”

Ghoul sat frozen in place, his eyes wide. Odessa watched him blink a couple times before he seemed to shake himself out of his daze long enough to reach for a pouch of his belt. She immediately fumbled for her own commlink, practically dropping it the moment she yanked it out of her back pocket. It was old and beat up, nothing like the sleek, newer models issued by the GAR, but Ghoul held his out for the sync and within just a few seconds she had managed to add him into her database of contacts. Her thumbs felt numb as she typed in the characters for his name—on the silliest whim imaginable, she added an extra symbol to mark him as a favorite.

“Thank you,” she said shyly, pulling one of her lekku over her shoulder and fidgeting with the end. “It will not be trouble if I am messaging you sometimes?”

“I…I don’t think so,” Ghoul said, all the bite gone from his voice as he stared down at his commlink. “I uh, get busy sometimes, though. I…I don’t—”

“That is okay,” Odessa hurried to say. “I just do not want to be a bother. But I like talking to you. It seems a shame I only get to do so when you come in for a drink; now there is no pressure!”

“You’re…not a bother,” Ghoul said, looking uncomfortable.

Her heart swelled and she could scarcely contain her joy, knowing he felt that way about her. It was almost as good as confirmation, in her mind.

“As painfully amusing as this is to watch…Odie, we’re not holding you up, are we?” Wolffe interrupted. 

Oh, yeah.

She looked back at the bar and winced when she caught sight of Magda staring at her, tapping her wrist to simulate the time. She still needed to wipe down the bartop, as promised. Normally it didn’t take much to force her out the door, but today she felt like dragging her feet or coming up with some kind of excuse so she could stay. 

The refugee center, she forcibly reminded herself. You have to tell them the good news.

“You will not leave again without telling me?” she asked Ghoul. He appeared surprised for a moment, then glanced at Wolffe, who shrugged.

“The missions I’m sent on are usually classified,” he said with a frown. “I can’t just tell you where I’m going.”

“Not where,” Odessa said. “Just…when you are leaving. I would just…like to know.”

“Why?”

This time it was Wolffe who kicked Ghoul under the table, except he didn’t try to make a secret out of the fact that he had done so.

“He’ll let you know,” Wolffe said as Ghoul cursed his name. “I’ll make sure to remind him when he gets his orders. Not everything he does requires absolute secrecy. He was on Ryloth for his last assignment.”

“Wolffe!”

“You were?” Odessa gasped. “You should have said so! Is…was it a secret mission? Were you successful? Did you get to meet with Cham Syndulla and the other leaders of the rebellion?”

In her excitement she didn’t really register the way Ghoul glared at Wolffe, or the way that he sighed before running his hand over the top of his head. What she did notice was the way his buzzcut looked fresh, with his hair shorn so close to his head she wondered what it felt like to touch.

“It…was classified,” Ghoul grumbled. “The news will pick it up soon though; they love ruining secrets.”

“It’s for morale’s sake,” Wolffe reminded him. “Sometimes it can be to the advantage to show your hand.”

“It’s premature,” Ghoul snarled. “All that hard work, and for what?”

“Knock it off. You knew this was gonna happen.”

“Excuse me,” Odessa said, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, “but is there…is there any way you could be telling me more? About your mission? Or Ryloth? Or anything? I am—it is only that I am going to the refugee center to drop off some documents for some of the new arrivals, and my people are eager for news from home as well. I would love so much to be able to offer them something to alleviate their fears.”

Ghoul seemed to be avoiding her gaze and she knew she should back off, that she didn’t understand the complexity of military operations and that maybe what she was asking was more than he was willing to give…but Odessa had to try. It was possible Ghoul had been part of the intel recovery that her father had mentioned—if that was the case, then who better to ply details out of than the very clone who had probably had a hand in securing the information?

“I…don’t know,” Ghoul said, rubbing the back of his neck now. “If someone heard you repeating details only I would know….”

“Then you should come with me!” Odessa said, immediately angling for another approach. “You could tell them yourself, be answering questions, and maybe getting to meet people whose lives you have helped save! What is that it is called, a winning scenario?”

“A win-win,” Wolffe corrected gently. “And that sounds like a good idea. Ghoul, you could use a pick-me-up. Why don’t you go with her?”

“We just got here,” Ghoul grumbled. 

“Not now,” Odessa said. “Tomorrow? I will be off in the morning and can be meeting you at the center! I will introduce you to everyone!”

“Uh….”

“Sounds like a plan,” Wolffe said, grinning. “I’ll make sure he remembers. Odie, you better get out of here. I think your coworker is having second thoughts about letting you leave.”

Odessa looked over her shoulder a second time and saw Magda waving a cleaning cloth wildly above her head, gesturing at the dirty counters. 

“Yes, sorry,” she said with a sigh. “Thank you so much, this will mean everything to my people. You will love to meet them, I am sure. And they will love to meet you too! I will comm you with the address! Please stay for as long as you want, and enjoy the drinks—Ma'allesh!”

Her steps felt so much lighter as she turned away from them, like she could run laps around the entire floor and work another whole twelve hour shift. How fortuitous, that Ghoul’s last deployment should have taken him to her homeplanet! She tried not to think about how he hadn’t mentioned it earlier, the last time they had seen each other, perhaps…but it didn’t matter now. He had agreed to visit the refugee center and she was certain that whatever tidbits he could reveal would be far more comforting than anything her father could have come up with. She didn’t even feel affected by the guilt that usually lingered within her chest after an unfortunate call from home.

Odessa hurried back to the counter and shrieked with a bit of laughter as Magda whipped her behind with the towel, taking it from her and hurriedly starting at the far end of the bartop, wiping aggressively as patrons dutifully lifted their drinks out of her way.

Tomorrow…tomorrow would be a better day. She was sure of it.

~~~

Two weeks of leave should have meant two weeks spent relaxing—sleeping in, catching up with Fox and Wolffe, replacing his old gear and testing the replacements, or even exploring Coruscant. Any of those options would have been better than what Ghoul was actually made to do, which was write up what felt like a hundred reports, all saying the same thing in different ways, to be passed along the chain of command, up to people he had never heard of, let alone met.

They wouldn't allow him a face-to-face meeting; he had exhausted any and all goodwill he might've once had among the upper echelon of the GAR.

You can't be trusted to not cause a scene, someone had said to him once before, some nameless face he hadn't bothered to pay any attention to. It was a fair assessment—Ghoul had no qualms about opening his mouth and telling the Admirals they were full of kark and their madcap schemes benefited no one outside of lining their own pockets with the credits they saved by being cheap. He'd look a Senator in the eye and tell them to go jump out a window if given the chance.

So, he shut up and spent two weeks writing multiple reports and resisting the urge to defect off to some unnamed planet past the Outer Rim. Two weeks of downtime, absolutely wasted, and all because a handful of idiots couldn’t be bothered to make time to be in the same room together in order to receive a debriefing. There were other things he could have been doing with his time but of all the things he could think of, Ghoul kept coming back to the one person who had managed to capture his attention so thoroughly that he had a hard time considering his other options.

More to the point, Odessa had kissed him…and he still couldn't figure out why.

She had kissed him, stood up on her toes and touched his face with a soft little hand that hadn’t made him flinch, and she had pressed her lips to his ruined face and kissed him like she didn’t mind the prosthetics, didn’t mind the scars—she had kissed him like he was whole and not some broken, patchwork mess of a man made up of spare parts, and he hadn’t known what to do except stand there and take it because…because it must’ve been a mistake…right? Just a…just a cruel joke.

No one could look at him and think he was someone worth kissing.

But…Odessa hadn’t laughed or made fun of him. The kiss itself hadn’t even lasted all that long before she had pulled away to bid him goodnight, but the brief contact had been enough to fill him with warmth all the way down to his toes. He remembered making it down the three flights of stairs and then sitting down on the bottom step because walking had been an impossibility with his head swimming like he had just been run over by a BARC speeder. For ten minutes he had sat there, staring at his boots and wondering if he should go back up and knock on her door so he could ask her what the hell she had meant by that…but in the end he had just returned to the barracks.

Ghoul had snuck off to the showers again, but that time, instead of running the cold water in an attempt to stave off the lust curling shamefully in his gut, he had edged himself painfully under a stream of the hottest water he could stand, imagining Odessa’s hand on his cheek, the tips of her fingers like bright points of fire against his skin, and he imagined the way she might have touched him in another life where he wasn’t damaged and could give her the kinds of things he guessed a man might give a woman.

No one had ever touched him like that. 

He had never been kissed before, by anyone.

Before Toydaria…like most of his brothers Ghoul had dreamt about what a normal life would be like, once the war ended, if it ever ended. He had allowed himself the luxury of a dream, just a small one, of someday being able to make his own choices in life, to live out the rest of his days as he saw fit. Maybe those daydreams had included someone else, someone who made him smile, who knew what love was and was only too happy to share it with him. He had been filled with the sort of romantic kark that a lot of clones experienced before their first battle—and like most of them, he had lost any hope of ever experiencing ‘normal’ again.

The war was all there was. 

All he had was himself to rely on. 

Before Odessa it had been easy to focus on himself and his purpose…but now he was left with an ache like an old wound inside of him and the ghostly sensation of hands on his face when he thought he was alone. Ghoul hadn’t told anyone else about the kiss—he knew Wolffe wouldn’t believe him and that Fox would only demand details; besides, he wasn’t sure he wanted to share with his brothers the memory of how it had felt…he held onto it, turning it over and over in his mind until he had analyzed every detail from every angle. It felt like a puzzle he had to solve, like he’d never be satisfied until he could understand why she had kissed him.

But for the life of him…he just couldn't figure it out.

And somehow it had led him back to 79’s, Wolffe at his side for support and the idea running around his head that if he saw her again, then maybe he’d find the courage to take her aside and ask her about it. Odessa didn’t seem like the kind of person who would lie to his face; he was confident he’d be able to tell even if she tried. Her expressions were so open and unguarded, made worse by the shape of her eyes. He had tried to compare the color of them to different skies he had seen on the multiple planets he had been to, but the memory of each one seemed more faded then the last until he became convinced that Odessa just had…the prettiest eyes he had ever seen.

He had been stricken when she had looked at him from across the bar, the first time he had seen her in two weeks since he had taken her to the firing range (two weeks since she kissed him, her lips soft and warm and he had only been able to feel so much with the scarring around his upper lip but he knew he was right), and her smile made him feel like a detonator had gone off inside of him.

Wolffe suspected something was up—he had to because there had never been a point where Ghoul had suggested they go to 79’s on his own; usually he was the one forced to tag along after his brothers, who both acted like there wasn’t any other bar on all of Coruscant. But if he thought something was up, Wolffe didn’t say anything about it and just joined up outside the base, where they walked in relative silence. He was dependable that way, always able to tell when Ghoul wanted to be alone with his thoughts and leaving him to them; the annoying little brother thing was partially an act, one that he put on hold…but only for so long.

Ghoul almost wished he had come alone after all. His mouth had dried up moreso than usual when he saw Odessa and by the time she made it over to their table he could tell that he should’ve just ignored the little voice inside his head that had convinced him it’d be no trouble to just ask her about the kiss. His courage failed him the moment he saw her.

She was just…she was pretty. She was pretty and kind and all the things that he had never been and never could be, and the thought of what she might say if he asked her about the kiss terrified him. It was better not knowing than hearing her admit that she had only done so because she'll pitied him…because it was so obvious he wasn’t getting any from anywhere else, so before he died he may as well know what it was like to kiss someone. A pity-kiss would be the worst-case scenario. He wouldn’t recover from that.

He didn’t want to know how repulsive she actually thought he was, either. Odessa only knew about his facial prosthetics; he was certain that if she could see his arm, or his fingers, she’d regret touching him to begin with. Some days he felt more machine than man…and that was okay for him to think…but if Odessa saw him and thought the same thing he knew he’d just end up ejecting himself out of an airlock. He hated the hold she seemed to have over him. It was the lack of control that had him so tense and on edge all the time. He wanted to hate her for it…but he couldn’t. 

He just couldn’t.

And now he had her commlink number, saved to his device under ‘Odie’ because Wolffe had snatched it from him the moment she had walked away from their table and saved it, starred it, added it to his list of important contacts—a list that, so far, had only ever included Wolffe and Fox—and then tossed the commlink back at him with such force he had nearly missed the catch.

“You’re an idiot if you let her get away,” Wolffe said, as serious as Ghoul had ever seen him. 

“She’s not into me,” he retorted.

“Your eyes malfunctioning?” Wolffe laughed. “You’d have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to think that. She just asked you for your comm-code. She was blushing. Can you even read lekku?”

“No,” Ghoul said, feeling every bit the idiot Wolffe said he was, “why would I?”

“Because if you did, you’d be able to tell how happy she was to see you. How were you on Ryloth for two whole months and managed not to pick up a bit of the language?”

“I didn’t try.”

“You should. You might learn something. I bet Odie would appreciate the gesture, too.”

“What does it matter?" Ghoul asked. “It’s not like this is going anywhere. I just took her to the firing range. You’re acting like it was a date.”

“Why did you take her?” 

“...because she doesn’t know how to shoot."

“That can’t be it,” Wolffe said, leaning against the edge of the table. “You’re telling me you put a blaster in her hands and made her practice just because she didn’t know how? Come on."

He wanted to insist that it was the only reason, but Wolffe would see right through him. They knew each other too well for a lie to fly under the radar like that, so Ghoul sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She's defenseless," he admitted. "She walks everywhere alone, down to that club and who knows where else, but she doesn't even carry a taser. Coruscant's only safe on the surface levels—down below you know what happens. She could be…trafficked or killed, or…worse."

"You're…worried about her," Wolffe said, surprised. "Huh. I…didn't think you had it in you."

"I'm not a monster," Ghoul mumbled. "She deserves to feel safe, that's all."

"...you know she's an immigrant, right? Legally she can't apply for a blaster license."

Ghoul avoided Wolffe's questioning gaze, instead choosing to take a long sip of his Catsblood, until he felt his eyes begin to water from the burn he felt at the back of his throat.

"Wait," Wolffe said, squinting at him with a suspicious look, "you're not…you're not planning to buy one for her, are you?"

Ghoul shrugged.

"How's anyone gonna know unless she has to use it?" he said.

"Ghoul, if you're found out that's a felony at best. You'll be lucky if all they do is slap you in stasis cuffs."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

Wolffe sat back, blinking like something was caught in his eyes. Ghoul had never seen his brother rendered so speechless before, but it was starting to get on his nerves. Why did everyone think he was incapable of common decency? Just because he didn't often show it didn't mean he was completely heartless.

"You must really like her," Wolffe said finally, after taking a moment to gather up his composure. "You've always been a maverick, but not like this. Not for a civvie."

Ghoul looked over at the bar where Odessa had finally finished wiping down the counters. She had her backpack slung over her shoulder and looked like she was thanking the older woman who had shouted at them to find a seat the moment they had walked through the door. He guessed it must have been a trick of the light or something, but he thought he caught her glancing over at them. She looked…happy.

"Maybe," he acquiesced, feeling the fight leave his bones when Odessa smiled at something her coworker said. She had a dimple in her left cheek.

"Kark," Wolffe cursed, finishing off his drink in one big gulp. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"Yeah, well…don't get your hopes up," Ghoul sneered. "Like I said, it's not going anywhere."

"How come?"

"...are you serious?"

Ghoul gestured angrily at his face, the ugly prosthetic that made up for half of it, the scarring around his cybernetic eyes and the hearing aids he'd be deaf without.

"You think she wants any of this? Look at me—I'm a mess."

"You're not," Wolffe said, "and you need to get that kark outta your head before you sabotage yourself. She likes you. It's painfully obvious. Watching you two awkwardly dance around exchanging comms was the cringiest thing I've ever witnessed, and I've broken in three batches of shinies across five different campaigns."

"She doesn't know me," Ghoul insisted. "She doesn't know what I'm really like. I'd just end up…scaring her away."

"Well, don't do that," Wolffe laughed. "How hard is it to just be decent for once?"

"That's easy for you to say," Ghoul snapped. "You don't look like a failed Techno-Union experiment."

"Hey," Wolffe said sharply, tapping on the table, "who're you trying to convince? 'Cause from where I’m standing, the only person who thinks you don’t have a chance is you.”

The worst part about sharing a genetic profile with someone else, Ghoul decided, was that it became impossible to convince either of his brothers that he was incapable of anything other than being an insufferable bastard. Fox was a little hapless when it came to compliments, but Wolffe was relentless, insisting on hyping Ghoul up every chance he got. It was…infuriating.

It was infuriating…and he wanted so badly for Wolffe to be right.

“She…she kissed me,” Ghoul said, spitting the words out before he could change his mind. “After I walked her home. She kissed me. On the mouth.”

Wolffe’s jaw dropped.

“She kissed you,” he said, enunciating every word, “on the mouth…and you still think you don’t have a chance?”

When he laid it out so plainly…it did sound stupid. Ghoul tucked the lower half of his face into the crook of his arm and leaned against the table, wishing the floor would just open up and suck him beneath it. He heard Wolffe sigh and felt his foot nudge between both of his own beneath the table. The ice cubes in the empty glass clinked against one another as they began to melt. 

“Can I be honest with you?” Wolffe asked.

Ghoul shrugged, resigned himself to listening to whatever it was that his brother was going to say. He didn’t have the wherewithal to put up a resistance anymore.

“You’re making this a lot harder than it has to be,” Wolffe continued once he saw no objection coming his way. “She likes you—she obviously and unequivocally likes you. If you like her back, all you have to do is just…go with the flow. No expectations, just…try to relax, enjoy yourself, and have a bit of fun. Follow her lead if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“And after that?” Ghoul croaked. “What do I do after?”

“You just make it up as you go along,” Wolffe chuckled. “Listen, I’m no expert either, but I’ve got a few notches on my belt and…it doesn’t need to last a long time for it to be fun. And who knows? Maybe it’ll turn into something more.”

Ghoul didn’t want to think that far ahead, not when he could scarcely wrap his mind around the present revelation of Odessa actually liking him. He still wasn’t sure he could believe it, not fully at least. 

“Guess I’ll try and find out tomorrow,” he groaned, sitting back up. “I think…I think I’m gonna head out. I don’t feel like drinking anymore.”

“I’ll cover the tab,” Wolffe said, almost immediately. “But I’m gonna stay for a bit.”

“You…want me to, uh–”

“No,” Wolffe said, glancing up at him. “It’s fine. Just…wanna think about things and be alone. Nothin’ about you, I promise.”

If it was a promise made by Wolffe, then it was a promise Ghoul knew he could trust. He nodded and slid out of the booth, almost tripping onto his face when Wolffe suddenly hooked his foot behind Ghoul’s knee.

“Watch your back out there,” he said with a smirk as Ghoul violently untangled their legs before aiming a harsh kick at his thigh. It missed the mark but his intention was clear, and Wolffe made a rude gesture that was accompanied by a wink before tossing Ghoul’s helmet at him.

“Too bad you didn’t drown in your tube,” Ghoul sputtered.

“And miss out on all the action?” Wolffe scoffed. “Please. You couldn’t get rid of me that easily.”

Brothers, Ghoul thought sourly as he stalked out of the bar and back to the barracks.

Odessa didn’t contact him as soon as he thought she might have, but when he awoke in the morning there was a notification on his commlink indicating he had an unread message from a new contact. Still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Ghoul opened it and recognized the address almost immediately for how close it was to the Senate tower. It was far enough from the base to necessitate utilizing the public transport system, a prospect that made the fine hair on the back of his neck stand on edge. He hated the idea of being pressed between so many bodies and crushed together in so small a space…but he figured if he wore his full kit it wouldn’t be so bad, especially with his helmet on. 

Hopefully Odessa wasn’t expecting him to dress down. 

The lift across the city he managed to ignore by going through everything that had happened during his deployment to Ryloth, trying to filter through events that were still statused as classified and the other, less mission critical things that he could get away with revealing to a bunch of civvies. He was still apprehensive about it, didn’t like the idea of information passing into the wrong hands…but if it was just a load of Twi’leks whom Odessa trusted…well, he was already willing to take on one major risk for her sake. What was another thrown into the mix?

Odessa was already waiting for him out front, sitting on a bench in the shade with her backpack next to her and a datapad in her hands. He’d have seen her from a kilometer away with all the skin she was showing, but the dress she wore was also bright, a yellow color that complimented her skin tone. It fluttered in the slight breeze, billowing around her knees until she tucked the edge under her thighs. He didn’t know anything about style or fashion…but it was a good look. Odessa probably knew how to make anything look nice, though.

Being the only trooper around, it didn’t take long for her to spot him. He was already making his way over when she jumped up, stuffing her datapad back into her bag and then running across the plaza to meet him with a smile as dazzling as the sun. She was so pretty that Ghoul felt his heart stutter in his chest at the sight of her. He liked the particular shade of her skin especially, and the way her lekku swayed every time she moved her head. 

“I am so glad you have made it!” she said excitedly as she stopped in front of him, clasping her hands together and bouncing in place. “The address was not too difficult to find?”

“I’m familiar with the area,” Ghoul said, the vocoder in his helmet making his voice sound even grittier than it already was. He pointed toward the Senate buildings looming in the distance, monoliths of ‘democracy’ and ‘freedom’ he was supposed to look toward with respect and gratitude.

“I’ve been up there more times than I care to admit, just to deliver reports,” he said. 

“Oooh,” Odessa cooed, her eyes widening. “That is exciting! I have never been—there is nothing there for someone like me anyway, but one day you must tell me what it is like on the inside!”

Boring, came to mind. Too luxurious for my tastes. A waste of funds that would be better spent helping out good people like you.

“It’s not that impressive,” he said. “You’re not missing out on anything.”

Odessa giggled even though he hadn’t said anything funny and Ghoul wondered if the way the ends of her lekku curled said anything. Ryl language packs could be requested through the GAR itself, but according to Wolffe, what Twi’leks did with their lekku wasn’t universally recognized as a language and therefore had to be picked up colloquially…and if one didn’t possess lekku themselves it was seen as a moot point. The only person Ghoul could think of who might have some insight on how to go about figuring out where to start learning on his own…was Captain Howzer.

Ghoul was glad for his helmet in the moment—it hid his sneer and saved him from having to explain to Odessa why his mood visibly tanked. He’d have to figure out something else eventually, if he planned on actually making the effort to learn more about her culture. There was absolutely no way he was going to ask Howzer for advice.

“Well,” Odessa said, breaking him free of his sour thoughts, “shall we go in? I am excited to be introducing you!”

Ghoul’s apprehension returned, like a pile of slick Trandoshan eels writhing and rolling around in the pit of his stomach. He still didn’t think it was a good idea, but he had already had it out with himself while he was getting ready. Staring down his reflection in a mirror and refusing to disappoint Odessa even though what she had asked of him was…it should have been an easy ‘no’...but he couldn’t do it.

For some reason he just couldn’t look her in the face and turn her down, when the favor she asked of him was…really, it was simple, so small a thing it shouldn’t have been such a big deal. His training was deeply ingrained, however; obedience was something built into every single clone, buried somewhere in the very strands of their DNA. He hated it, fought back against it every chance he got, but there were some things he couldn’t let go of and giving up sensitive information was at the top of that list.

But Wolffe had been right—already several news channels had picked up stories from Ryloth and without saying much had already planted the seed in people’s heads that the Republic Army had something to do with the recent strike the Twi’lek rebellion had made against the Separatist forces. Ghoul figured that he didn’t need to give the refugees a blow-by-blow account to set their minds at ease. It wouldn’t be like those reports he had been forced to write…and at least…maybe this was an audience who’d be a little more appreciative of his efforts.

“Let’s get this over with,” Ghoul sighed, steeling himself. He followed Odessa up to the doors of the Center for Inter-Planetary Affairs and then inside, where she called out to a man sitting behind a counter and glass partition. He glanced up and then balked at the sight of Ghoul, who probably looked out of place dressed in full gear. Again, he was glad for the helmet to hide his face. He didn’t like the way the man stared, but it was the harmless sort that came from being surprised by the sight of a trooper so far from the base. He tried nodding, as if he intended to greet the man, and that seemed to do something to alleviate the man’s misgivings. 

“Uh, guest pass?” the man asked, and Odessa held a finger to her lips. 

“It is a surprise visit,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “We will not be very long; please keep it to yourself?”

“Y-yeah, I guess,” the man said, shaking himself. “You, uh, know about the other visitors? They’ll be on their way soon.”

“We will not be bothering anyone except my people,” Odessa said, charming her way past a second set of doors that looked like they were meant for employee use only. Ghoul had to turn sideways to fit through the narrow door frame, but he followed after Odessa quickly and quietly, to put as much distance between himself and the employee as possible.

“Thought you said you talked to them already,” he complained, hating the way it made him feel to catch unwanted attention like that.

“My people, yes,” Odessa admitted, “but no one else knows you are here. They would have had us fill out paperwork for hours had they known. But I am always coming and going, so they allow me a little bit of leeway.”

“Oh,” Ghoul said, his stomach churning all over again. “You won’t get in trouble for this?”

“No, they would not dare. I am saving them a lot of time and credits by volunteering my time and services. Without me they would need to hire a translator, so they will be looking the other way sometimes when I show up unannounced. Will you be taking off your helmet? It is not uncomfortable?”

He hadn’t planned on it. The helmet was one of the only things that could still render him just another number among thousands of other clones. Even if his armor wasn’t the standard-issue, there were plenty of other spec-ops who bore the same kit, making it more difficult to pick him out in a lineup—not by much, but it offered just enough protection to give him some peace of mind. Once the helmet came off, that illusion of safety was shattered. 

“Do I have to?” he asked, fighting back the combative instinct rising up inside, making him want to abandon the entire ordeal and head back to the barracks. 

Odessa looked up at him with her head tilted to the side in that way that made her look especially curious.

“Are you not wanting anyone to see you?” she asked gently. “I did already tell them they should not ask rude questions.”

Ghoul’s throat worked uselessly as he tried to swallow and couldn’t. Frustration, the feeling he was most familiar with, made his skin itch as he tried to think of an excuse that didn’t make him sound…pathetic.

“Just…don’t wanna scare anyone,” he said lamely, after coming up with nothing better.

Odessa blinked a few times before offering him a small smile. Normally it was easy for Ghoul to tell when someone felt sorry for him—it was a sad, pitying look he just knew made them feel so noble and good about themselves. He knew they thought he should be so grateful for their compassion, but it was always unasked for and unwanted. They could take their self-righteous sympathy and shove it up their ass.

But, try as he might, Ghoul couldn’t find any sign that Odessa pitied him. She just smiled softly, the curve of her lips very slight, almost gentle, like she understood him in a way that no one else did.

“You do not have to,” she said. “If it will make you more comfortable to keep it on, then do so. No one will object”

There was no sign on the door to dictate what he should or shouldn’t do, and if she didn’t care then he was going to keep it on. Still, he felt…relief at having been given the choice. For a moment he thought she was going to insist…but she managed to surprise him again. She was good at that.

“Thanks,” he said, meaning it. 

“You are welcome. Now, follow me closely; there are many people here, but most are staying with their own species. Ignore everyone else.”

She pushed through another employee door at the end of the short hallway, leading them into an enormous room that made the mess hall back on base look like a custodial closet. Ghoul didn’t know where to look first, but the first thing that caught his attention were the rows upon rows of bunk beds, not unlike the same ones issued to the GAR that he and thousands of other clones slept in every night. At a glance he thought there had to be a few hundred of them, and every single one sported the same dingy mattress and dull gray sheets, as well as a single pillow too flat to be of any real comfort. Piled around each pair of bunks were bags and small storage crates—personal belongings, he realized.

The bunks gave way to an open area where he saw a gaggle of children playing, kicking a ball around and passing it back and forth as their guardians watched them from chairs and tables nearby. At the far end of the hall sat a long row of counters Ghoul almost immediately recognized as the same kind of setup back on base for the mess hall. It seemed like they had tried to cram as much as they could into the room to try and utilize every millimeter of space they had…and as he continued to look around, Ghoul realized that it still wasn’t enough. 

There were so many people. 

He could see everything from Bothans to Mon Calamari scattered about the room, and a little bit of every other species sprinkled in between. There were only a few he didn’t immediately recognize, and a few that surprised him like to see, like the giant Wooke who nearly ran him over as they chased after a couple of squealing younglings. It was a rare sight to see a Wookie anywhere else but Kashyyyk. 

The murmur of conversation flowed around him—he caught snippets of Huttese, Kenari, and Rodian, but mostly broken strings of Basic. He understood a few languages, as most clones had been encouraged to pick up at least one other besides Basic, but Mando’a was more for his own personal, private use than anything, and Huttese only came in handy when he was dealing with lowlife scum closer to the Outer Rim. 

Should have picked Ryl, he thought to himself as Odessa led him to a far corner where a handful of Twi’lek were already gathered around in a circle, seemingly waiting for them to arrive.

“Juun!” Odessa called out, capturing the attention of one of the male Twi’lek. He turned to look, his expression shifting from mild annoyance to outright joy as he caught sight of her, and he stood up, throwing his arms wide in greeting.

“Odessa, Kassurra!” he said, hugging her when Odessa got close enough. 

“Kei’nata nei,” she replied, returning the hug with enthusiasm. Several other Twi’lek got up from their seats to greet her and a couple children threw their skinny arms around her waist to hang off of her. Ghoul watched the reunion, feeling like an outsider intruding on something he wasn’t meant to see. Odessa was…clearly beloved. The looks on their faces said more than words ever could and he guessed that all her time and effort spent volunteering must have really paid off for them to treat her with such regard.

Odessa gestured back to him as she spoke to her people—they spared him curious glances, but thankfully paid more attention to whatever it was that she was saying. Ghoul didn’t think there was going to be much he could offer them. He had a mental list of things he was willing to divulge, but he sincerely doubted it would be enough to bring them any sort of relief. After all, they were stuck living in cramped quarters with no real privacy of their own. It reminded him of the conditions he and his fellow clones were forced to live in…but he was a soldier. The cacophony of noises surrounding them wasn’t unlike the sort of thing he was used to ignoring in the barracks, along with the scent of so many bodies sharing so little space. 

"Ghoul?"

He flinched and looked up, realizing that Odessa and all the other Twi'lek were staring at him…waiting on him. Beneath his blacks he could feel sweat drip down the small of his back.

"Didn't wanna interrupt," he managed to say. 

Odessa bought it—of course she did—and gestured for him to step forth. He did, one foot at a time, each one dragging like it weighed a ton. He saw her hand reaching for him, her fingers finding the space between his vambrace and rerebrace and curling into the crook of his elbow. He shuddered at her touch, but didn't shy away from it. She was gentle, guiding him alongside her as she stepped into the center of the little gathering. 

"You are not interrupting," she said softly, squeezing him in reassurance. Ghoul had never been more grateful that she had chanced to take hold of him by his left arm instead of the cold and unfeeling right.

“I can’t say much,” he reminded her, trying to ignore all the expectant eyes looking his way. 

"I already told them. They are grateful regardless. Anything you can reveal would mean the world to them."

"I don't speak Ryl."

"I will translate," Odessa said with more patience than he would have had. She looked up at him, her eyes scanning across his helmet's visor until he wondered if she could somehow see through the dark lens.

"Do not be nervous," she said, squeezing him again. "I am right here with you."

Damnit.

"Uh…right," Ghoul said, simulating a cough to give himself room to start. He quickly filtered through his mental list of what he thought was acceptable to share and took a deep breath.

Across the room, doors hissed open and he heard the exclamations of more than a few people. He couldn’t help but glance over…and immediately wished he hadn’t.

He’d recognize those brown robes anywhere.

“Uh,” he said again, stiffening up. Odessa noticed, because how could she not, with the way his whole body tensed at the sight of the two Jedi who swept into the room amid a chorus of eager cries and salutations, like they were saviors come to liberate the refugees from their sorry existence. She looked over, following the tilt of his helmet until she too caught sight of them.

“Ghoul?” she asked, squeezing his arm. “Are you alright?”

I’m fine, he tried to say, but no sound came out. 

He hated Jedi—he hated them and their over-inflated sense of self-importance and he hated the way they acted like they knew better than everyone else, just because of some mystical connection to ‘the Force’, whatever that was. They claimed not to be soldiers, but they expected clones to follow their lead on the battlefield regardless. They played games, spoke in riddles, and acted like every life lost was ‘the will of the Force’. The entire order could burn down to the ground for all he cared, as long as they stayed the hell away from him.

Odessa wouldn’t know that though, because he had never mentioned it. 

He never wanted to, and in a perfect world where everything went his way he never would.

But the Jedi circled closer, hands tucked into the wide sleeves of their robes and benevolent smiles on their faces like they were doing some great service gracing the center with their presence. He wanted to vomit.

“Ghoul,” Odessa said, shaking his arm a bit. The Twi’lek she had addressed first, Juun, said something in Ryl and then grimaced.

“Is he…well?” he asked in Basic, his accent thicker than Odessa’s.

“I do not know,” she said. 

“Fine,” Ghoul finally bit out. “I’m…I’m fine. Just…I have to go.”

“What is happening?” Odessa pressed, concern making her eyebrows knit together. She hadn’t let go of him and even though she only touched him through the protective layer of his blacks, Ghoul felt his skin start to crawl. There were too many people around, too much space and not enough of it at the same time. Every step the Jedi took that drew them closer made Ghoul feel like he was being boxed in, cornered. He looked around, trying to find the door they had come in through, but there was a throng of people blocking his line of sight.

Unease started to devolve into panic and he tried shaking Odessa off. 

“You are not okay,” she said, letting go of his arm immediately when it became apparent that something was wrong. “Is it the Jedi? If they are bothering you I will talk to them, perhaps they can—”

“No,” Ghoul snapped, “Just…just shut up. I don’t need you to do anything. Don’t talk to them, don’t even…just leave me alone for a minute. I have to…have to….”

He didn’t want to look at the hurt on her face when he spoke to her like that. Odessa didn’t deserve any of his ire, but she was the one who was closest, making herself a convenient target with the way she tried to console him. There was nothing she could do, nothing that would make things right. She didn’t understand and he wasn’t going to waste his breath trying to explain even if she went over and told the Jedi to get lost, it wouldn’t change anything. 

She couldn’t change the past.

“I think you are needing to sit down,” she insisted. “Take off your helmet. I will get you something to drink.”

“No,” he growled, pushing her hand away when she tried to take hold of his arm again. He didn’t want to sit down. He needed to leave. The other Twi’lek were looking at him strangely, as well as some of the other people closest. Ghoul was aware that they could hear him, see him, and that he was beginning to draw too much attention to himself. If he acted out anymore the Jedi would take notice and come over to stick their noses where they didn’t belong, and then—

“Can you lift me?” 

“Yes, of course. You don’t look that heavy.”

“No, with magic!”

“It’s not magic, little one, but the Force.”

“Use it to lift me!”

Ghoul squeezed his eyes shut and tried to drown out the sounds of children begging the Jedi to regale them with their mystical party tricks. They were too close now, much too close for his liking. His finger twitched, but he had left his blaster back at the barracks, for safety; he hadn’t expected to need it. He didn’t need it. He wasn’t in danger. He knew this, he knew it, but—

“Ghoul,” Odessa, pleaded, both of her small hands curling around one his, cradling it tight. He hadn’t moved at all, just stood there, paralyzed by something he couldn’t explain, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

You need therapy, Wolffe’s voice called out to him, but it was so far away, so distant he knew his brother couldn’t help him, didn’t even know where he was.

“I have to leave,” he whispered.

“Show us your light sword!”

“I don’t know…it isn’t a toy.”

“Don’t be so rigid, they’re only curious. Here, you all may look, but no touching.”

PSSHEEWW

The sound of the lightsaber ignition drowned out everything else. So close, Ghoul felt as though he could hear it inside his head and all throughout his bones, like the hum of the blade was something tangible eating its way underneath his skin.

Suddenly, he wasn’t on Coruscant anymore. He wasn’t safe inside a refugee center, Odessa’s hands wrapped around his. 

When Ghoul opened his eyes, the only thing he could see…was Toydaria, the swampy, muggy landscape on fire around him and the bloodied, shattered bodies of his men, his brothers, littered at his feet. He balked as he looked around, not understanding how he had ended up back there when he had sworn never to step foot on that planet again, no matter what kind of orders he received. Separatist ships screamed overhead, flying so low he could feel the vibrations from their repulsor engines through his boots…or maybe that was the distant explosions caused by proton torpedos slamming into the ground.

He tried to suck in a breath, tried to activate his commlink to call for an extraction, but his arm didn’t move. He tried again and pain shot up his shoulder and into his ribs; when he looked down, he saw why—his arm didn’t move because it wasn’t there. All that was left was the bloody and charred stump, the bone jutting through his skin.

Ghoul tried screaming, but that didn’t work either. All that emanated from his mouth was a wet, rasping gurgle and too late he realized his mouth was gone, bottom jaw and tongue ripped away in an explosion he hadn’t even seen. Blood and gore drenched his chestplate, soaking into his blacks and sticking to his skin. He couldn’t even feel pain anymore, couldn’t feel anything at all, just the steady hum of a lightsaber in his head, the whooom sound it made when swung and screams echoing in the distance.

They were dead, his men were all dead and he was too, he was dying and no one cared, no one cared enough to stop it from happening. 

“Commander,” he heard from somewhere by his feet.

He looked down and stared into the deathly pale face of one of his brothers, a clone whose name he could no longer remember, blood bubbling out from between his lips in a frothy pink mess. He grabbed at Ghoul’s boot, broken fingers scrabbling for purchase against his greaves. 

“It’s okay,” he slurred, “they can always make more of us.”

Ghoul took a step back and stumbled, his foot slipping against mud…except it wasn’t mud. Slick, crimson lengths of ropey intestines spewed over the ground, the mangled bodies of his unit strewn in front of him, all of them looking at him, through him, their eyes glassy and pale and rimmed with blood.

“They’ll just make more,” they spoke as one, their voices coalescing into a polyphonic chorus that threatened to overwhelm him. Ghoul tried to clap his hands over his ears but he couldn’t—it wouldn't have mattered if he could.

The voices came from within.

“Ghoul!”

“Leave me alone,” he groaned. “Please, just leave me alone!”

Hands pulled at him, trying to drag him down into the muck; he resisted at first, but then thought…why should he? He belonged there with them, dying alongside his brothers as had been intended. It was only luck that had saved him, luck and…and….

The hands tugged at him harder and he gave up, his feet moving freely as he allowed himself to be pulled.

But instead of going down to be buried beneath the still warm bodies of his unit, the hands tugged him sideways, away from the field of carnage, away from the pained screams and the distant explosions that sent a ringing through his ears until it overtook everything else, mercifully silencing even the sound of the lightsaber. Eventually Ghoul felt something solid at his back and hands prying his helmet off his head; it was then he began to thrash—the helmet was the only thing keeping him together, keeping him from falling apart—what was left of him would come undone if they removed it.

I don’t wanna die, a tiny little voice whispered in the back of his mind. I haven’t lived long enough, I don’t wanna die!

But he couldn’t fight what he couldn’t see and the hands were too insistent—the helmet came off and a bright light assaulted his eyes. Ghoul gasped, then yelled unintelligibly, his voice strangled. 

Kamino.

He was back on Kamino and they were killing them. 

The clones who were left alive, who somehow survived alongside him, the longnecks were murdering them. He held his arms up, trying to fend off the hands that wanted to inject him with needles, sending him into a dreamless sleep from which he’d never wake, but he was too weak from blood loss. He couldn’t scream, couldn’t fight, couldn’t breathe, and they were going to kill him too, because what good was he anymore?

“Shhhh,” a voice said. “It is okay. Breathe. You are safe!”

He didn’t believe it. He wasn’t any safer in the hands of the Kaminoans than he was on the battlefield. No one understood, no one knew what they were really capable of. He couldn’t breathe. There was just wet wheezing when he tried, like his lungs couldn’t get full enough to exhale and his heart, beating so fast he thought it was going to burst out of his chest at any moment. The hands touched his face and he jerked like he had been shot, trying to pull away, but then he felt himself being pulled down and felt his forehead…felt it touch someone else’s.

Wolffe? he wondered. Fox?

“You are safe,” the voice repeated. “I am here, I will not let anything happen to you.”

Ghoul gasped, trying to wrench his head away, but he couldn’t move. His body felt too heavy and none of his limbs wanted to obey him anymore. The ringing in his ears lessened, replaced with the pounding of his heart and the sounds of his own voice, wretched and embarrassingly loud as he sobbed. He managed a blink and his eyes felt wet—too late he realized he was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks and neck. He blinked again, trying to focus his eyes long enough for his brain to make sense of what he was seeing.

It wasn’t Toydaria, nor was it Kamino. 

It was…a dirty back alleyway on Coruscant, duracrete beneath his boots and at his back, the sun shining overhead…and Odessa in front of him, her hands cupped around his face and her forehead pressed to his. Her eyes were shut and she bit into her bottom lip, pressed so close to him that she was practically sandwiching him against the wall…but for some strange reason…her proximity didn’t feel so suffocating.

“Take deep breaths,” she whispered. “With me. Try to follow along. In…and out.”

She drew in a slow breath and Ghoul tried to copy her, gasping painfully as he tried to remember how his body was meant to work. 

He was safe, she said. 

They both exhaled at the same time, Odessa’s slow and steady while Ghoul erupted into a coughing fit. She was patient though, so patient and she held onto him, looking him in the eyes and thumbing the patches of skin along his cheekbones to wipe away his tears.

“Again,” she urged, and this time when he inhaled it didn’t hurt so much. His lungs filled and the lightheadedness he had begun to feel went away. He exhaled shakily, ahead of her prompting, and then inhaled again. He could breathe. He could breathe. He wasn’t bleeding or dying. He was safe.

He was alive.

Odessa never left his side. Her hands fell from his face to his shoulders once the worst of the panic attack had abated, but she stayed pressed against him like she knew the pressure of her small body against his would be enough to ground him back in reality. She didn’t say much, but watched him carefully, like she was looking for any signs of further distress. He almost couldn’t bear the weight of her eyes on him…in some way it was more painful than what he had just experienced.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Odessa eventually asked, once his breathing had returned to mostly normal. “Water? Something to eat?”

“N-no,” Ghoul managed to say, despite the components of his lower jaw feeling like they were about to overheat from friction. “I’m…I’m good.”

“That is a lie,” Odessa snorted. “I am seeing that now. You like to say you are fine when you are not. You were not ‘good’ just a few minutes ago.”

Ghoul didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say, outside of apologizing to her for exposing her to his…his issues. Shame curled around his neck like a hangman’s noose, tightening until he felt like choking. She didn’t deserve to have all of him inflicted upon her. She was too good and too kind…and he hadn’t done anything deserving of her attention.

“You don’t have to stick around,” he said, taking hold of her wrists and pushing her away. He slumped against the wall until he dropped onto his ass, holding his head in his hands and trying to fight off the overwhelming urge to throw himself off the top of the Senate buildings.

“I’m a mess.”

Ghoul could feel her eyes on the top of his head and he hoped, wished she’d take the hint and just…leave him alone. Misery had already sunk its claws into him and he was no longer fit for company. But to his surprise, she sighed and tucked her dress around her thighs before crouching down beside him.

“You have been through a lot,” she said, hugging her knees and resting her cheek on top. “It does not make you messy…but I can see it is something you have trouble managing on your own.”

“It was just a panic attack,” Ghoul mumbled, hanging his head. “Happens all the time to most of us.”

“That was not a panic attack,” Odessa said firmly. “You have…something like my father. I do not know what to call it in Basic. It is worse. It is like…something terrible happened, and suddenly you are reminded of it. And you…see it happening again. Like you are there, all over again.”

Ghoul whipped his head up, staring at her with his mouth fallen open.

“It's PTSD,” he croaked. “How’d you know?”

Odessa shrugged and took hold of the ends of her lekku, bringing them together in a fidget.

“My father suffers the same affliction,” she said. “Sometimes he will hear a noise, or smell something strange, and he will just…stop moving. His eyes are open but he is not seeing what is in front of him. Sometimes he is not himself. I have seen him cry and rage and break things during his episodes.”

“...what happened to him?”

It was a question he hated when other people asked him…it was audacious of him to even think he had any right to ask someone else, but Odessa didn’t seem to mind. She took a deep breath and sighed heavily, still occupying her hands with her lekku.

“He watched my mother die,” she said softly. “He could not save her…and it haunts him.”

“Oh…I’m…I’m sorry.”

It was the first time he could remember apologizing in a long time, and he didn’t even know what he was apologizing for. As a clone, they didn’t have mothers, or anything remotely close to a maternal figure. He didn’t know what it was like to lose a parent…but ‘sorry’ felt like the kind of thing he was supposed to say.

“It happened last year,” she said, her voice still soft and sad. “He sent me to Coruscant because he did not want the same thing to be happening to me.”

“Was it the Separatists?” Ghoul asked, curious. Distracting himself made it feel better, helped him push aside the shame and regret. He realized he didn’t know that much about her, apart from the things she had told him. Odessa nodded and dropped her lekku to hug her knees again, squeezing herself tight.

“They sent a bounty hunter after my father,” she said. “He saw something, I think, that was very sensitive to their plans. He was not home when the hunter came, but my mother and I were.”

Ghoul’s breath caught in his chest.

“You were there too?” he asked.

“...yes.”

“...what happened?”

Odessa scrunched up her face and turned away. For a moment he thought he had crossed a line, that he had asked too much of her and that she was going to stand up and leave him sitting there in the dank alleyway. He wouldn’t have blamed her; it was just his luck that he didn’t know how to carry a conversation. Selfishly, he had only wanted to distract himself, at the cost of her own comfort. His stomach dropped at the thought that maybe he had hurt her by being too insensitive, but he didn’t know what to say to make it better.

But he didn’t need to. Odessa looked back at him, her eyes watery but determined.

“The hunter tried to use us as bait,” she said. “He planned to wait for my father to return home and ambush him. I think it would have worked if not for my mother. She was very smart, really very good with mechanical and electrical work. She would always be tinkering with something…so she was able to slip out of her stasis cuffs.”

“That’s impressive,” Ghoul said truthfully.

“Yes. She surprised the hunter as he attacked my father…tried to take his blaster from him. But….”

She looked about to cry and Ghoul didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t the comforting type; he didn’t know how to do what she did and he didn’t know if any attempt would be welcome, so he sat there and waited, hoping it was enough for her that he was listening. Odessa dragged the back of her hand over her eyes and sniffled.

“She did not know how to use a blaster,” she said angrily. “All the times she asked my father to teach her and he refused, because he did not want her to become more involved! If she had known, maybe she would still be alive. If he was not so stubborn….”

Something clicked inside of Ghoul’s brain and he looked up at her in shock.

“Is that…is that why you were…at the range, you didn’t want to hold it. The blaster. And I…kriff, you should have said something! I…I wouldn’t have made you if I had–”

“No,” Odessa said, shaking her head. “No, I wanted to learn! My father refused to teach me for the same reason he did not teach my mother. Truthfully, he is very protective…but he thought he could keep us away from the war. I know his intentions were noble, but….”

“He can’t protect you from everything,” Ghoul supplied for her. “That’s just…stupid. Better if you can defend yourself, if the need arises.”

The look she shot his way was almost grateful and she nodded in agreement before tucking her lekku back over her shoulders.

“You were the first person who was on my side,” she said. “It made me like you even more.”

Ghoul felt his pulse quicken, but thankfully this time it had nothing to do with panic. He thought about asking her what she meant, but the timing felt…off, like it’d be wrong to take away from where they were now, sitting on the ground and baring parts of themselves to each other that were still raw and bleeding around the edges, like a scab that had been picked at too many times.

He didn’t know if he had it in him to be as trusting with his own vulnerabilities. The idea of giving anyone ammo that could be used against him made him want to peel his skin off. The one time he had tried talking to the military-approved therapist, she had pried for details he hadn’t been ready to give and then grew upset with him when he ended the session early. He didn’t like being pressured…he hated when people stared because he knew what was going through their heads. They wanted to know so bad it ate them up on the inside to hold their tongues.

“You don’t ever ask me anything about the way I look,” Ghoul said, surprising himself with how steady his voice held. “How come?”

Odessa looked over at him with a frown, almost like she was insulted. The ends of her lekku twitched and Ghoul tried to memorize the exact way they moved, because he was going to find a way to translate what they were saying even if it killed him.

“It is not my place to ask,” she said evenly. “If you are wanting me to know, then you will tell me. Until then, I have no say.”

“You’re not curious?”

“Even if I am, why is it that my curiosity is being more important than your comfort?”

Oh.

Warmth spread through him from head to toe, erasing the last uncomfortable vestiges his episode had left prickling under his skin. He didn’t know what it was like to fall for someone…but he imagined it was…it had to be something like this, looking at Odessa and realizing that she saw someone worth respecting. Any other day he might’ve thought it pathetic that his standards were so low…but for now…for now he just let the feeling flow through him, basking in the way she looked at him with a small, secretive smile he wanted to believe was for him alone.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “I…don't…I'm not used to people sticking around for so long. You're probably the first."

"First what?" Odessa asked, confused.

"Uh…friend," Ghoul said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You're the first friend I've had since…since before I looked like this."

Odessa stilled for a moment, then scooted closer, so that their arms touched. He held his breath, trying to figure out what she was up to, and then froze in place as she laid her head against the hard shoulder plate of his armor.

"You are my first real friend too," she admitted. "I am glad to have met you."

Ghoul swallowed hard, the motion painful, and waited for the usual round of doubt to hit him…and he kept waiting because it never did. She wasn't pulling his leg or leading him on…she really meant it. The part of him that was quick to reject any notion that didn't support his usual self-loathing was mercifully silent. He didn't dare move and barely breathed out of fear that if he did either she'd find her excuse to leave.

"You want to stay here?" Odessa asked after a moment.

"I…I don't wanna go back in there," Ghoul said. "You'll have to tell your friends that I…that I had something come up, and–"

"I will make up something," she said. "Do not worry yourself about it."

"...I don't feel like moving."

"Then we sit here."

"...why are you so—"

So damn pretty?

"—nice?"

Odessa rolled her head against his shoulder to look up at him. She blinked and he could see the individual striations that made up her blue eyes, the lighter flecks that made it look like they sparkled in the sunlight.

"What else am I supposed to be?" she asked.

He didn't have an answer for that and sat back against the wall, stretching his legs out in front of him and trying not to think about how strange they looked. But then Odessa pressed closer, slipping her arm beneath his and resting her hand on his vambrace. The next time he glanced down at her she had her eyes shut.

Slowly…very slowly, Ghoul allowed himself to take a breath, then another. When she didn't immediately get up and run away, he sighed in relief. He didn't know how long it was going to take for his legs to stop feeling like they were made of gelatin…but for as long as she was willing to sit with him, he figured he could handle it.

[licncourt]

moments in VC that alter my brain chemistry (in a good way)

I thought was a good idea so thank you to @prouvaireafterdark for tagging me in @msrandonstuff 's request for a list like this!

I have to specify "(in a good way)" because there is so much wtf nonsense in these books, but I will gladly do a separate "(in a bad way)" list if y'all want. These are mostly from the first two books because they're by FAR the best, but there are a couple from the third and from the last three. If you've seen my Loustat moments post, you've seen everything you need to see from the middle books.

I've included page numbers for all these, but they won't apply to every version of the books. Fortunately, I have a Google Drive folder of VC book PDFs that these correspond to linked here

Spoilers, obviously.

Louis' turning in Interview with the Vampire p. 22-24 (romantic, sexy horror at its finest)

THE PROSTITUTE SCENE in IWTV p. 83-94 (an abridged version is in the 1994 movie, but the AMC show replaced it, rather anticlimactically imo, with the tenor scene. I have a breakdown of what makes the OG version so incredible right here)

Claudia's turning in IWTV p. 97-101 (while I understand the reasoning behind the changes in the AMC show, I prefer the book version. Additional Claudia spoilers here)

Louis' confession and slaughter of the priest in IWTV p. 154-156 (still heartbroken that this was storyboarded but cut from the movie, AMC better give it to me)

Claudia's "murder" of Lestat in IWTV p. 143-145 (gaslight gatekeep girlboss)

Louis and Lestat's brief reunion at the end of IWTV p. 340-346 (fucking brutal, iconic though and way gayer than the movie version)

The intro of The Vampire Lestat p. 1-3 (the first page is written, I swear to you, in the style of My Immortal, but I love it)

Lestat's first date with Nicolas as mortals in TVL p. 30-35 (Loustat is everything but human Nickistat is soooo baby)

Lestat's turning in TVL p. 63-66 (big CW for non-con, but a amazingly chilling scene)

Lestat finds the dungeon of Magnus' tower in TVL p. 77-79 (such a great horror moment)

Nicolas' condemnation of Lestat in TVL p. 198-201 (heartbreaking but such a watershed moment)

Lestat's recollections of Louis and Claudia in TVL p. 385-388 (THEY!!!!!!)

LOUSTAT REUNION FR THIS TIME in TVL p. 403-411 (this is the most important part of VC actually. Nothing else matters)

Lestat's rock concert in TVL p. 412-417 (he is so stupid but good for him)

Armand turning Daniel, the interviewer from IWTV, in Queen of the Damned p. 62-65 (the whole chapter this is from, The Devil's Minion, is amazing and one of the most loved parts of VC, so honestly just read it all)

Louis and Lestat visit NOLA in QotD p. 270-273 (this is where you should stop reading. Nothing is gained past this point)

Louis and Lestat express their feelings for real in Prince Lestat p. 508 (this is on my Loustat moments post, but it has to be here too)

Louis lets go of his grief and accepts happiness at the end of PL p. 518-525 (Louis was in Anne Rice character jail for almost forty years but YES YES THE TIGER IS OUT)

Louis and Lestat commit to each other permanently in Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis p. 131-141 (so many incredible Loustat things packed in here. All that makes this book justified in its existence)

Louis and Lestat live happily ever after in Blood Communion p. 282-284 (If it wasn't for this after All That Shit, I would've had to smash my face into concrete)

[haro-hawayu]

CCS: Clear Card Ch. 79

Chapter 79!!! I usually try to avoid spoilers but got sorta-spoiled from an unexpected place prior to this chapter, but it wasn't TOO bad. The latest chapter can be found on CLAMP-net’s YouTube Channel. As always, please check out @meimi-haneoka's post on the latest chapter for EN-JPN translation differences!!

Links for previous chapter reactions can be found here.

Reading Reactions:

THE COVER PAGE! IS! BEAUTIFUL!!!

AHHHH!! I LOVE THE TWO TOGETHER!!!

Ruby Battery to the rescue!

I love that they're working together!! And they can kinda "joke" about things XD love their interactions!

Tomoyo from this side profile view is so lovely ♥

The way Kaito is holding onto Akiho, I'm--TuT

Sakura PROTECT MODE ON!

SAKURA BIG BRAIN!

BIGGEST BRAIN!

Sakura looks so kakkoi saying all this!!!

I love assertive and determined Sakura!

Kaito saying something along the lines of "you need lots of magical power to do this" and Sakura responds by showing off lots of magical power

LI MAMA!!! AHHHHHH!!! (this was where I kinda got accidentally spoiled prior to reading--but I'm still very happily surprised)

Wow, all this magic at work!

New card time!!

A card that resembles Akiho! WITH KAITO'S DRAGON WINGS!!

Card upgrade?? Card fusion?? Remind?!!

I love that the cards Sakura are creating resemble her friends~

Sakuraaaa

I love the art so much omgsh

Syaorannnn <3

HAND TOUCH!

Finally a reality where Kero and Touya can talk to face to face lolll omgshhh is this… the end?? soon??

Ahhhhh!!

Thoughts: I wrote my "reactions" on a sticky note yesterday when I read the chapter and I only found out today that the next chapter will be the last one!! Wow... how far we've come already. We're reaching the end, finally.

I absolutely loved how this chapter goes back to Sakura, our protagonist, doing protagonist things, and saving her friends. I know it's very cliche, but it feels so good seeing how she's able to make things right in her own way? Like, how genius is her idea of just making the villains forget? If that happened from the very start, so much pain/hurt/trauma would have been averted. But of course, it HAD to be Sakura to be the one to think of this idea and carry it out. She is, after all, the one with the power to create cards (and fuse them too, like in Movie 2), and when she was lacking in power, had the means to receive powers from others. This isn't "new" because she's received help/powers from other people before, and it's so wonderful that this time, she's receiving that help from Syaoran's mom. I hope they can meet face to face (can we get a bunch of extra chapters or something after the final??) because I just crave "mother-daughter" interactions FOR Sakura, and "mother-in-law & daughter-in-law" comes quite close for me, esp when it's Sakura LOL.

Also, I'm kinda relieved that next chapter is the end, meaning they won't get into more on the villains/Association because idk, I feel like this is a very satisfactory "resolution" for CCS. If they trek anymore into this route, we might have a very different story. So I'm glad that things went the way they did this chapter. Our Sakura still got her shining moment, so all is well with me.

For Akiho and Kaito, I hope we get more of them in the final chapter. BUT!!! WHERE IS MOMO??!? I hope she shows up and gives Kaito an earful before smothering him with her own brand of love/care XD I want the three of them to be happily together, and they can go travel the world or something. I wanna see Momo, Kero, and Spinel interact too XD

Until the final chapter... (unless we get extras, hehe)

[nanaosaki3940]

Tokyo Revengers Season 2 Episode 2 Moments

1. Hakkai and Yuzuha’s official intro!! 😊

2. Hakkai being a Mitsuya-simp!! 😂 

3. Yuzuha’s first priority is always gonna be her lil bro Hakkai!! 😅 

4. The 2nd Division duo!! 😍 

5. All the anime original scenes we should appreciate... 

6. Hakkai and Takemichi being best bros now!! So precious!! 🤧 

7. Bi-icon Koko is here y’all!! 😆 

8. Not gonna lie... Inui’s looking clean here!! 😎

9. The fact that Yuzuha shares the same Japanese voice actor with Maki Zenin from Jujutsu Kaisen makes perfect sense for her to be a total badass!! My queen!! 😍😘 

10. Madman Taiju appears!! Run, bitch, run!!! 😰 

11. I don’t know about the others but I like manga Taiju’s intro better. He looks insane and equally terrifying in the manga compare to the anime’s intro. 

12. Can we talk about the ED now?? Like they used the front color page of manga chapter 79 in it?!?! 

13. Shin-chan, is that you with baby Mikey?!?! 😭😭😭 

They even used Ken Wakui sensei’s official art!! 

14. Baji, my bae, my love!!! I miss you so fucking much!!! 😭😭😭 

And this is also from an official art of Wakui sensei!! 

15. Manila Mikey?!?! 😨😱 

I’M DEAD Y’ALL!!! 

Here’s the ED on YouTube!! 

[alexdti]

Quest for friendship RETOLD

End of chapter 3 - Page 79

New page each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday

[jojotichakorn]

archer's DRAMAtic list

releasing a new list of dramas that i have seen with six different categories in terms of recommendation. the series are placed in order from most to least liked in each category. each series is linked to its mydramalist page.

must-watch

1. never let me go

2. the eighth sense

3. my school president

4. we are

5. only friends

6. semantic error

7. enchanté

recommend

8. our dating sim

9. pit babe

10. 3 will be free

11. my love mix-up th

12. vice versa

13. a breeze of love

14. the warp effect

15. light on me

16. a boss and a babe

17. manner of death

18. cherry magic

19. to my star 1 & 2

20. like in the movies

21. you make me dance

22. kieta hatsukoi

23. love tractor

24. 23.5

25. dirty laundry

26. love for love's sake

27. we best love: no 1 for you (JUST season 1)

28. color rush

29. 2moons2

30. gameboys

31. a tale of thousand stars

32. long time no see

33. my engineer

34. our skyy (+ our skyy 2)

recommend but dislike something about it (in brackets: what i dislike)

35. guardian (the last 10-ish episodes / the ending)

36. kinnporsche (basically everything connected to the minor family)

37. the eclipse (political metaphor)

38. not me (political conclusion)

39. dark blue kiss + petekao cut (honestly just many small things that add up)

40. lovely writer (explained in this post)

41. he’s coming to me (thun’s backstory)

42. history 3: trapped (cops being the good guys)

don’t feel strongly about it either way

43. until we meet again

44. dangerous romance

45. i told sunset about you

46. love sea

47. 2gether (+ still2gether)

48. my pistachio

49. ingredients

50. cutie pie

51. hidden agenda

52. where your eyes linger

53. wandee goodday

54. step by step

55. YYY

56. hello stranger

57. red balloon

58. en of love: tossara

59. gen y

60. oxygen

do NOT recommend but like something about it (in brackets: what i like)

61. bad buddy (pat)

62. moonlight chicken (heart and li ming)

63. love by chance (ae and pete)

64. why r u? (saifah and zon)

65. 2moons (ming and kit)

66. star and sky: star in my mind (khluen)

67. great men academy (tangmo)

68. together with me + preq. bad romance, seq. together with me the next chapter (max and tul origins)

69. en of love: love mechanics + alt. version: love mechanics (some parts of the romance)

70. bed friend (some parts of the romance)

71. history 2: crossing the line (qui zi xuan and hsia yu hao)

do NOT recommend AT ALL

72. my gear and your gown

73. theory of love

74. the best story

75. advance bravely

76. sotus (+ sotus s)

77. tonhon chonlatee

78. we best love: fighting mr. 2nd

79. history 1: stay away from me

80. history 3: make our days count

81. water boyy

82. tharntype

[gamebird]

The Ship Manifest: Actual Murderbot shipping numbers

I looked at what had been updated on AO3 in the last month in the Murderbot Diaries tag. It was a nice even 50 works.

Of these, 10 are Murderbot/Gurathin and 9 of those were updated in the 8 days. 4 of those were multichapter fics and a couple of those multichapter fics published multiple chapters.

3 fics were MB/ART, with one of those 3 fics being counted in the MB/G ones as well. The other two are single chapter, one of which is Rape, I know some people filter those out.

The Murderathin surge is kinda unusual. Multiple multi-chapter fics finished in the last week, several short stories inspired by each other or bits of art were put out there. And then there's the art, some of which hasn't even been posted here on Tumblr.

But with all that, like I say, non-ship stuff is still over 75%. And for the fandom as a whole, it's more like 90% (I ran the numbers just a couple weeks ago).

----

Here, from 7/17/23, looking at all ship fic in TMBD tag:

Let's see what's changed in a year!

To start, we had 960 fics roughly July 2022. Now (7/17/23) we have 1,825. Almost double!

If I exclude & and look only at / ships: 79 ART/MB (was 24 a year ago) 49 Gurathin/MB (was 17 a year ago) 35 Arada/Overse (wasn't in the top 10 a year ago) 12* MB/3 11* Amena/Iris 8* Farai/Mensah/Tano 6* MB/Mensah 5* Bharadwaj/Pin-Lee 5 ART/CSU 5 OC/OC 4* Gurathin/Thiago 3 01/02/03 2* MB/OC 2 ART/3 2* ART/Ratthi 8* Gurathin/Ratthi 3* Gurathin/3 and Gurathin/3/OC 2 Gurathin/OC 1* Ratthi/Miki 1* ART/Gurathin/Ratthi 1* Ratthi/3 1* Mensah/Pin-Lee 1 Ratthi/3/Pin-Lee 1 MB/Reader 1 ART/OC 1 Arada/Overse

The first three ships listed and any with * are definite in their number. The rest are put together by excluding all other pairings in a clumsy attempt to get AO3 to tell me more than the top 10 stats or forcing me to do a tag search.

245 "/" ship fics out of 1,825 is 13.42%. We were 6% last time, although I suspect I didn't know how to search quite as well as I do now. Even if I only look at the top 10 relationship options this time, we're still at 8.93%. So! There are more ship fics than there used to be, percentage-wise. But still ... not that many as a percent of total fics out there.

Now to look at Explicit fics!

78 Explicit fics (22 last year) ART/MB - 36 (6 last year) No / pairing listed - 8 Not sex - 6 (2 last year) Gurathin/MB - 5 (1 last year) OC/MB - 4 (None last year) OC / OC - 3 (1 last year) ART/OC - 2 (1 last year) Amena/Iris - 2 (1 last year) ART/Ratthi - 2 (1 last year) ART/3 - 2 (1 last year) Gurathin/OC - 2 (None last year) The rest are one-offs: 3/MB, 3/ART, Ratthi/Arada/Overse, MB/Everyone, Arada/Overse, ART/Gurathin.

Also: ART/MB - 36 (18 of which are rape, rape-elements, or non-con) No / pairing listed - 8 (6 of which are rape, rape-elements, or non-con) OC/MB - 4 (4 of which are rape, rape-elements, or non-con) Gurathin/MB - 5 (2 of which are rape, rape-elements, or non-con) One-offs for rape: Gurathin/OC, OC/OC, MB/Everyone.

All figures are derived solely by reading the characters/relationships listed, tags, and warnings.

Reading through the first of 4 pages of returns (66 entries) on unrated fics shows none whose tags indicate shipping, sex, or rape. So not an impact to the numbers reported above.

We have 27 works that are not in English. We have 221 works that include the word 'podfic' in a field.

23 works by Anonymous, 3 by orphan_account (one of those 3 is a finished fic that is part of a series with 3 other named authors - the other 2 fics appear to be truly orphaned)

Highest word count is Variable Affection at 204k. Next is Properties NULL at 104k. Third is the ongoing Corporate and the Construct at 84k as of today.

[Important note discovered later: I have double-counted some shippy fics. I ended up counting the fic once for every pairing listed. This artificially skews the numbers higher than they really are. I figure it's around 10%ish ship-fic.]