#chaotic modern setting au green fam

[nxpthys]

Helaena: When I told you to bring something back from the beach I meant like a seashell or something!

Aegon, struggling to hold a seagull: Well you didn’t fucking say that!

[nxpthys]

Aegon: Aemond... He was here. I can feel it.

Helaena: What? He hasn’t been here, has he?

Aegon Smell that?

Helaena: Smell what?

Aegon: The room... It smells like Chanel No. 5 and betrayal.

[nxpthys]

Aemond: Can we please stay in your room?

Helaena: Why?

Daeron: We played with an ouija board and cursed ours.

Aemond: Aegon doesn’t know how to banish the spirits, so he just threw salt at them and yelled, “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!”

[nxpthys]

Helaena: Why is your back all scratched up? Aegon: [remembers how he chased a raccoon after Helaena told him to leave it] Aegon: I'm having an affair

[nxpthys]

Kid!Aegon: Every time I go to a hotel I take a bite of soap, just to mess with people.

Criston: You DO realize that by eating soap, you’re the one who’s losing, right?

Kid!Aemond: You’re just jealous he was brave enough to taste the Forbidden White Chocolate.

Kid!Aegon: White chocolate’s disgusting!

Alicent: AND SOAP ISN’T?!?!

[nxpthys]

Aegon: Welcome to fucking Applebee's, you want apples or bees?

Viserys, confused: Bees?

Aegon: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!

Aemond: *walks out of the kitchen vigorously shaking a jar of bees*

[nxpthys]

Criston: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions. Alicent: Ridiculous. Give me some examples. Daeron: Wasps? Helaena: Terriers? Aemond: Aegon.

[nxpthys]

Viserys: Did none of you hear what I just said? Helaena: I’ve been zoned out for the last two and a half hours. Aegon: I got distracted. Aemond: I don’t like you and ignoring you was a conscious decision.

[nxpthys]

Aegon: This is Helaena. She's not my assistant, she's, er, some other word.

Helaena: I'm his carer.

Aegon: Yeah, my carer! She cares so I don't have to.

[nxpthys]

Jaehaera: Can I keep the nightlight on?

Aegon: And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head, sweetie.

[nxpthys]

Aegon, on the phone: I hate being drunk, I keep hearing footsteps

Helaena, on the other end: Are you walking?

Aegon: Oh shit

[nxpthys]

[Aegon is being arrested] Helaena: Officers, let him go. He’s not dangerous. Aemond: I mean look at his shoes. He’s wearing crocs. Aegon: *looks down at his shoes* Police Officer: His crocs are not the issue, sir. Aemond: But they are AN issue.

[nxpthys]

Aegon, slinging one arm over Helaena, and the other over Aemond: Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.

[nxpthys]

Helaena: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Alicent: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Daeron: Three of us saw it, mother. How do you explain that? Alicent: [points at Aemond] Sleep deprivation. [points at Daeron] Paranoid. [points at Aegon] Delusional personality disorder.

[nxpthys]

Helaena: [texting] Where are you and Aemond? Aegon: WE’RE FUCKING Aegon: GETTING [not delivered] Aegon: DRINKS!! [not delivered] Helaena: ok nvm Aegon: NO, WAIT [not delivered]

[nxpthys]

Aemond: Aegon offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty. Aemond: I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of vodka cranberry at 9am.