#chaol westfall critical

[nestasminiaturepegasus]

My harsh SJM opinions

-- I disappeared for a minute, but I'm back and ready to shit talk sjm books again. --

Rowan vs. Chaol: 

If you can forgive Rowan for punching Aelin and being vile towards her, you can forgive Chaol too.

Nesta's New Family: 

Hating Nesta for finding a family that understands her more than her biological family is weird. She hasn’t disowned her existing family; she’s added to it.

Valkyries and the Rite: 

Claiming the Valkyries shouldn't have won the Rite because it's unrealistic makes me laugh. THAT is where you draw the line? Really?

Character Behavior vs. Plot: 

SJM writes weird, shitty plots, but that doesn’t excuse the characters’ behavior. Rhys fingering Feyre in a place for SA victims was, yes, a weird plot written by SJM, and it still makes him WEIRD.

Rhys and Hypocrisy: 

If you claim Rhys couldn’t have sa’d Feyre because he was sa’d himself but then say Nesta’s abuse doesn’t excuse her ‘abuse’ towards Feyre, go sit in the corner and think about your hypocrisy.

Rhys in ACOSF: 

“Rhys only looked bad in ACOSF because it was in Nesta’s POV." Rhys looked better in Nesta’s POV than in Cassian’s. He is the problem.

Nesta and responsibility

Nesta did not neglect Feyre. You cannot neglect something that is not your responsibility.

Nesta antis

Nesta antis who bash her and bring her up in any circumstance are weird as hell (especially in vids talking about how ACOSF helped someone’s mental health).

Valkyrie Hate: 

Hating on the Valkyries is weird. Emerie and Gwyn are LITERALLY the least problematic characters in the entire SJM universe. 

If you don’t like Gwyn because you ship Elriel, try respecting women for more than their potential partners. And then going and fucking urself :)

Amren Sucks: 

Amren sucks as a character.

That’s it. That’s the opinion.

If I hear ‘girl’ one more time, I’m burning the book.

Feyre and SA: 

Saying Feyre wasn’t sa’d because it saved her life is WEIRD.

sa is sa regardless of the circumstance. Are we forgetting that Rhys admitted in ACOMAF that he kissed her because he was jealous, and in ACOTAR when he said the only reason he didn’t take advantage of her was so Tamlin wouldn’t kill him?

Minimizing SA so you can love on an attractive man is problematic and gross. Please don’t talk to me if you do that because, EW BRO UR GROSS.

[gabilina]

People say that Chaol was the one who loved the idea of Celaena/Aelin and that he hated her for who she truly was, but what they fail to realise is that:

Chaol didn't knew that Celaena Sardothien was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.

He loved the parts she SHOWED HIM and ALLOWED HIM to know

It's not his fault that she had her own secrets

Chaol tecnically didn't get a chance to love all of her, considering that when she was away, she met Rowan, her mate (I know that Rowan waited and gave Aelin time to talk with Chaol, but still…it was shitty move considering she made him promise that she would always pick him)

He still wanted to be with her after finding out that she was fae (CoM), she was the one that said no

On the other hand, SJM fandom adore Cassian even though, he was the one who (I believe) loved the idea of Nesta and never the real her. Cassian in ACOSF, was never positive towards Nesta. He was much more positive about the others than her. When she spoke against Rhysand he didn't do anything, which leads me to thinking that if maybe Nesta was worshipping Rhys like the members of the IC and was more of a fusion of Mor + Cassian's illyrian lover, he wouldn't have problem with her.

What do you think?

[ladydeath-vanserra]

guh its actually really annoying that SJM gives characters disabilities but she then either heals them (Chaol) or she gives them fancy magic prosthetics and removes the disabling part of disabilities (Lucien). or she gives them chronic pain (Rhys) and then never mentions it again or then there are characters who Should have chronic pain (Aelin, Azriel, Cassian) and they don't, or she has them lose actual LIMBS only only for them to grow back the fuck (idk if this is true, it's what I heard about CC)

[1800naveen]

The way Sjm wrote about Chaol and his paralysis/disability in tower of dawn is something else...

And he gets healed and can walk again, bro. I don't have any body injury but if I had to read that, I'm crashing out.

[shadowqueenjude]

You know something I just thought of?

Of all the SJM Fae who have been love interests, they’ve all been described as desirable (duh) and we’ve met/know past lovers of theirs. Rowan had Lyria. Lorcan had Essar. Lucien had Jesminda. Tamlin had a variety of Valkyries and stuff (😏). Ruhn had a sort-of thing with Hypaxia. Hunt had Shahar. Even the humans had lovers. Chaol had Celaena and that other woman who cheated on him with Roland. Dorian had Rosamund, Elise, Celaena, and Sorscha. Cassian had Mor. I don’t include Azriel on this because he’s not really a LI yet. But Rhysand? He’s supposed to be all desirable and shit, yet he’s never had a serious relationship??? His most serious commitment was to freaking Amarantha, and she wanted Tamlin, for God’s sake. You’re telling me he’s never been in even a semi-serious relationship with somebody aside from his mate??? Even Lorcan, who everybody thought was in love with Maeve (i fully contend it’s Stockholm Syndrome), had a semi-serious relationship with Essar before winding up with Elide. So am I just supposed to believe that for 500 years, women approached Rhysand and he just said no, holding out for his mate? That he refused to be in a proper relationship unless it was his one true love???

[ennawrite]

SJM books be like “yeah, well, some people can react to their traumas.”

[nestarcheronmommy]

"You'd rather my queen to die than your king? "

Fenrys...Fenrys my love... YOU'D RATHER DORIAN TO DIE THAN AELIN?

I love you Fenrys but fuck you, what was that? Are you stupid? Chaol never said Aelin should die. I don't understand how people find this hot, Chaol could have say the same about Dorian.

[six-of-cringe]

What’s wrong with Sjm?

Is it worth it getting into the serried?

I tried to get into throne of glass series but the first book was very meh and everyone hyped the second book only for it to be nor as good as I was expecting.

Hello! Finally going through my asks and you, anon, are the lucky person to have the oldest ask that I can respond to without feeling deeply embarassed for letting it rot for so long!

I don't talk a lot about other books on my blog, especially not criticism, but I do take issue with SJM and her work. I was a fan of her books when I was younger, but as I got older and developed a better understanding of critical reading and also of complex real-world issues, I realized that her technical work and her narratives are just not good. If you're looking for a bit of fun and drama that you aren't supposed to think about, feel free to read her work. You'll just have to deal with a lot of ellipses and em dashes. I'd recommend buying it used. However, you should go into it with the knowledge that it is full of holes in many ways. Characters are bent and broken to fit whatever plot is happening in the moment, the narrative perspectives and "lessons" are biased at best and downright harmful at worst, and a veneer of feminism and progressivism is placed over what is in many ways a very backwards and troubling narrative, all while purporting itself as empowering YA content. Like, it had me rationalizing SA at the age of 15. And she can't seem to stop writing racist shit. There's that.

So it's really up to you. If you do decide to read it, just be sure to go into it with the knowledge of what it is, so you don't get blindsided or internalize some shit you really shouldn't. I'm gonna pretend it's not going on a year since I recieved this ask. Cheers.

[a-library-ghost]

IM TIRED OF DEFENDING TOWER OF DAWN TO PEOPLE WITH NO GRASP ON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/ARCS AND THEMES YOU ARE ANNOYING STFU

[readingabookmostofthetimes]

Chaol is finally healed!

This could be faster, but Sarah does hate him

[gabilina]

It's so funny when poeple say that I'm the bad guy bc I dont see flaws in Chaols but the thing is I see, It's you Aelin fans who dont see her flaws and excuse any of her poor behavior thought the series

[ladydeath-vanserra]

tbh I get leery when healers are introduced in fantasy series. Chaol was paralyzed with a spinal cord injury and SJM managed to make the whole thing both ableist and racist from Yrene getting mad at him telling him to stand up when he frustrates her too much (she is a PROFESSIONAL HEALER your ass would get FIRED for that if a physical therapist said that to one of their patients)

He regains the ability to walk in like 2 months after being paralyzed, oh but that can go away if Yrenes magic is depleted WHAT?? their lives get *literally* bound together and it's through her literal magic he can walk

it's gross. it's icky and Yrene is literally holding him up via her magic and bond. magic healers are such a cop out and at worst can become incredibly ableist

[ae-neon]

Reading Throne of Glass (13-15)

Disclaimer

You already know, if you don't, read the previous entries into this series.

Recap for the girlies who haven't read tog (this one's a little long cause it's the first but I'll include little recaps from now on)

Celaena Sardothien is an 18 year old assassin who has spent the last year of her life in a slave mine after being betrayed and arrested.

Training her to take part in the competition to become king's champion is Chaol Westfall - 22 year old captain of the royal guard.

The person who bailed her out is Dorian Havilliard - 20 year old crown prince of Ardalan. A charming prince with a rebelliousness that's putting him at odds with his father.

Dorian's father - Dorian Senior - is the King of Ardalan and lives in a glass castle. Ten years ago he burned Celaena's homeland to the ground as part of his quest to conquer the continent and all its kingdoms.

The world is inhabited by humans, faeries, Fae, witches, shifters etc. But somehow, 10 years ago, the King of Ardalan not only banned magic but actually erased it from the world.

Chapter 13

I like that Chaol is referring to Dorian by his first name, shows he's really relaxing around Celaena. He tells her she stinks but doesn't make fun of her vomiting after the run. When she asks questions, he answers without provoking her and they fall into easy conversation.

Chaol is, as usual, climbing the ranks by being a decent person. Future SJM will forget love interests can do that

The following dawn, (...) Chaol Westfall stopped short when he found the assassin dangling from the beam of the bedroom doorway, repeatedly hoisting herself up to touch her chin to the wooden bar. Sweat soaked her undershirt and ran in rivulets down her pale skin. She’d been exercising for an hour already. Her arms quivered as she lifted herself again. Though she might pretend to be in the middle of the pack, there was no reason to train like it. Even if every repetition made her body scream for her to stop. She wasn’t that out of shape—after all, her pickax in the mines had been heavy. And it definitely had nothing to do with her fellow competitors walloping her at the race yesterday. She already had an edge on them. She just needed it to be a bit sharper.

She didn’t pause her exercising as she smiled at him, panting through her clenched teeth. To her surprise, he smiled back.

I like when Celaena is who she says she is (the irony in this statement, lolol, but you know what I mean)

Also, Chaol's little actions are so attractive.

...a lovely lilac silk dress with pale pink lace accents and pearl beading. If anyone has Celaena fanart in these dresses please link or tag me

Kaltain Rompier!!!

The assassin would have grimaced, but she forgot all about Kaltain as her eyes fell upon her companion. It was an Eyllwe woman. Okay love at first sight

(for the girlies who haven't read the books, most of the slaves in the mines where Celaena had been are people from the country of Ellwye. They are black people.)

She was stunning, long and lean, each of her features perfectly formed and smooth. Her loose white dress contrasted with her creamy brown skin, and a three-plated gold torque covered much of her chest and neck. Bracelets of ivory and gold glimmered around her wrists, and her feet were sandaled beneath matching anklets. A thin circlet comprising dangling gold and jewels crowned her head.

...

The Eyllwe girl was a princess.

Nehemia!!!

Not sjm tryna make Kaltain look racist just so Celaena looks good. Eww.

Chaol bowed low. The princess nodded... Form an alliance, my dear darlings

Celaena knew the name - she had often heard the Eyllwe slaves in Endovier boast of Nehemia’s beauty and bravery. Nehemia, the Light of Eyllwe, who would save them from their plight. Nehemia, who might someday pose a threat to the King of Adarlan’s rule over her home country when she ascended to the throne. Nehemia, they whispered, who smuggled information and supplies to the rebel groups hiding in Eyllwe.

Poor baby has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I wish the only black character wasn't saddled with the "save my people from slavery" plotline.

Celaena dropped into the lowest curtsy she could give without falling and said in Eyllwe, “Welcome to Rifthold, Your Highness.”

Princess Nehemia smiled slowly, and the others gaped. (...) “Thank you,” the princess replied, her voice low. “I imagine you’ve had a long journey,” Celaena continued in Eyllwe. “Have you arrived today, Your Highness?” Nehemia’s guards exchanged glances, and Nehemia’s brows rose slightly. Not too many northerners spoke their language.

What if...I immediately ship this????? (Also low voice Nehemia? I'm instantly seduced)

“What do you make of the castle?”

“It’s the most foolish thing I’ve ever seen,” Nehemia said, EXACTLY

Again, I'm not here for sjm making Kaltain racist just to make Celaena look good, idc

How do you know how to speak Eyllwe so well?” “I”—Celaena thought of a lie—“studied it for several years.” “You use the intonation of the peasants. Is that taught in your books?”

Again, things like this stand out to me so much because not only is it proof that sjm really fleshed out this world and story but also because it's stuff I personally found missing in acotar.

Trying to flesh out the mortal lands in my rewrite had me making languages and even realising that Nesta and Feyre would speak quite differently from each other given their education differences.

The languages or at least the dialects of "modern" humans should be indecipherable to Fae. 500 years is so so so long in language that two people speaking the "same" language would not understand each other.

Back to tog

“If I’m fortunate, I’ll only be here until spring. Unless my father decides that a man from Adarlan might make me a good consort, and then I’ll be here until that matter is settled.”

(...)“Whom would you marry? Prince Dorian?” But Nehemia just clicked her tongue. “That pretty boy? He grinned at me far too much—and you should only see how he winked at the other women in the court. I want a husband to warm my bed, and my bed alone.”

If anyone knows a Dorian and Nehemia political marriage au, let me know

"...in Banjali, the sun burns up everything. And my father’s river palace smells like lotus blossoms.” I want to go there

Nehemia looked toward a rain-splattered window. “Most of our books were burned five years ago, when Adarlan marched in. It didn’t make a difference if the books were about magic”—her voice quieted at the word, even though Chaol and the councilman couldn’t understand them—“or history. They just burned the libraries whole, along with the museums and universities . . .” A familiar ache filled her chest. Celaena nodded. “Eyllwe wasn’t the only country where that happened.”

Okay this is the perfect place to put what I've been thinking: During this talk with Nehemia, Celaena's disassociative habit has disappeared. She has done or said nothing vain, arrogant or distracting. She is being as genuine with Nehemia as she is with herself in her most contemplative moments. Meaning she feels safe.

"Now, most of the books we receive are from Adarlan..." This is called soft power colonialism and it's something the USA actively tries to do in Africa through textbooks.

I really like that Nehemia isn't a perfect, polished, model A princess on the inside. She's pouty and irritated and struggling and frustrated. So human. It's almost insane to think about where SJM is gonna take her.

My rebel princess.

Nehemia said, her eyes bright. “Peace be with you.”

“And with you,” the assassin murmured, watching her leave.

Nehemia and Celaena are Muslim. Ramadan Mubarak to those who celebrate.

After that, she’d sworn never to trust girls again, especially girls with agendas and power of their own. Girls who would do anything to get what they wanted. Sarah, girl, just say you hate women and go

Okay so the king has left on his mysterious journey without any of the guards Chaol suggested and without telling anyone where he's going. Very mysterious.

Not to mention the fact that a few of the royal hounds had gone missing, only to have their half-eaten remains found in the northern wing of the palace. HELLO WHAT THE FUCK

Celaena disparaging women who gossip. This is a friendly reminder that gossip empowers women in their communities, creates networks of information and literally saves lives. Gossip culture in the Philippines is one of the top reasons they have the least serial killers in the world. Know your neighbours, let them know you, know the dangers in your community, protect each other, gossip.

“I just prefer a certain type of woman.” it's me y'all, I'm Chaol's type

There was something great and deadly concealed within her, and he didn’t like it. It's trauma, Chaol, she's traumatized

Chapter 14

Celaena during group training: I will play the middle ground, just enough to not get dissed by Brullo and not good enough to get praise like Cain

Also Celaena: I hate Cain. No one pays attention to how good I'm doing in training. No one is telling me how perfect my form is.

Girl...

Nox Owen from Perranth, which is in Terrasen where Celaena is originally from, I knew he would become an ally.

A large ring of black, iridescent stone glimmered on Cain’s finger... Isn't the gargoyle clock tower thing made from black stone too?

So one of the champions is found dead, ripped open, like the hounds I think. I know who, it's obvious, but whyyyy

Chaol and Dorian are childhood besties, cute. Chaol is from a place called Anielle by some Silver Lake that guards against "hordes" from the White Fang Mountains. (Cain is from here)

Celaena spends so much time thinking about how horrible the genocides committed by Ardalan are, she's literally living with trauma from it. But suddenly she's thankful the people of the White Fang Mountains were among the first wiped out 10 years ago so that Chaol and his people don't have to fight the "hordes" ...Sarah...

The kingdom of Eyllwe has Banjali. The kingdom of Ardalan has Rifthold and Anielle. The kingdom of Terrasen has Orynth and Perranth.

It's not that I'm overly impressed, it's basic worldbuilding really, it's that I'm actually flabbergasted at how she got away with doing nothing in acotar. Like how do you submit a blank map to an editor or publishing house and then even to readers and you're still taken somewhat seriously??

The manor in spring is called The Manor.

The court under the mountain is called Under the Mountain.

The land where mortals live is called The Mortal Lands.

The village where the main character comes from has no name.

On the fan wiki notable places in the mortal land include the barn in Feyre's village and the post office in Feyre's village.

The country shaped like the great British Isle is called Prythian (a name taken from another series but also) after the Welsh - Prydain - the name of the Great British Isle.

The island nation in the place of Ireland aka Hibernia is called Hybern.

The Continent in place of Europe is called the Continent.

I've done a post where I went through all of these lazy names so I won't go on but the icing on the shit show cake is always the Illyrian Steppes:

Steppes are a flat, un-forested grassland. The Illyrian Steppes are a forested, mountainous area.

Back to tog

Chaol has a brother, to whom he abdicated his title.

There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he watched the sky melt into a smear of tangerine. I suddenly understand how sjm brainwashes her readers into falling for these men, why is this so dreamy

Celaena had to break her own right hand to learn to swordfight with her left, she has been through so much. She doesn't need to be Queen, she needs to retire to a small town and get regular therapy

The actual first test is tomorrow. The competition is finally starting.

Chapter 15

Okay, so the first test is archery but all the sponsors are sitting up in the mezzanine, including the crown prince. One troll or criminal bought off by rebels or a scheming courtier could change the future of Ardalan with an arrow through Dorian's neck

They're making fun of the youngest assassin Pelor for not being strong enough to draw a longbow and he says he's more specialised in poisons. Brullo laughs.

Irl Giulia Tofana killed over 600 men in less than 20 years with poison she sold to their wives. She would never have been caught if one of them didn't rat her out.

Pelor is probably one of the most proficient killers in that room.

Celaena is surprised by Nox Owen's skill but he literally told her he was better at archery than knife throwing during their practice. Poor information retention on her part.

Cain has to be on something. We're given the impression the men from the White Fang Mountains are brutes but he's basically a super soldier.

Celaena is upset and goes in on the archery, doing best in the hardest shot, showing off a little even though she knows she shouldn't.

It's interesting how sjm plays with Celaena's arrogance. It's not actually arrogance at all. Celaena is bothered when she isn't recognised or given attention for her skill and talent because that's what she survived on. It's what kept her alive. Without the name Celaena Sardothien and all it carries, she will be forced back to that hopeless, homeless child who watched her family die.

Celaena knows she can't stand out or participate to her full abilities but it scares her and she reacts with anger and bravado. Internally cursing that these men don't know who she is and repeating to herself "I am Celaena Sardothien"

Again, none of this came out when she was with Nehemia - even when Celaena talked about her past.

----

Overall, I enjoyed it as usual.

Glad I finally got to meet Nehemia.

Like I said in my first few chapters read throughs, I know the overall story spoilers but I don't know anything about these characters or the plot details. So it was very interesting to learn Nehemia's unexpected personality. I like her. Honestly I like all of them. These core 4.

It makes me a bit worried, knowing the quality of the series declines with time but for now, I'm happy

[shadowqueenjude]

The fact of the matter is that Sjm could’ve ended Chaolena in a perfectly amicable way. Rather than the Nehemia shit and the delightful bit of intimate partner violence from Celaena, we could’ve had Chaol see Celaena butchering people and realize he could never be with someone who didn’t value life like him; bc no matter how much he killed or how bad the person was, he’d never be desensitized to that sort of thing; not like Celaena was. And we could’ve had them depart as friends without the false promises of Celaena always choosing him and a story where there’s no vilification of a past lover. But SJM loves bringing down one love interest to pull up another. Maybe they’re just not RIGHT for each other and it has nothing to do with how good of people they are.

[morganofthewildfire]

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Happy Anniversary

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~5k words

okay... so this is dirty. The dirtiest thing I've written in a long time hahaha. It was mostly written this afternoon so forgive me if it is a bit rushed/choppy, but hopefully you enjoy 😏

CW: NSFW

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Aelin Galathynius, formerly Aelin Galathynius Westfall, stared at her closet and wondered why the hell she had absolutely no clothes. Of course, in reality she had plenty. She’d grown up privileged and wealthy, the daughter of two ridiculously successful business owners. And in her first marriage, she’d wanted for nothing either. Well - besides a loving husband, a faithful husband, and a satisfying sex life, but that wasn’t the issue now.

She had clothes; but absolutely none she wanted to wear. 

Aelin nearly picked up her phone and called Lysandra, but decided against it, instead choosing to collapse on her bed and groan into her pillow. Maybe she was being a bit dramatic, but it was her six month anniversary with Rowan, and he was taking her somewhere fancy. He hadn’t specified where, but knowing him, it was going to be somewhere ridiculously overpriced, somewhere he could spoil her.

Aelin had married Chaol Westfall young. They’d met in high school, and in a bid to secure herself a marriage that looked good from the outside, she’d agreed to marry him just out of college. Going into her family business at such a young age, she wanted to make sure that there was no part of her that someone could criticize her for, or use against her in order to discard her judgment. 

She’d thought marrying a man also from a family of wealthy businessmen would do the trick. But soon enough the relationship had fallen to pieces, leaving her cheated on and divorced by the age of 25. 

She’d met Rowan Whitethorn at a business conference less than a year later, and the Doranellian accent, the green eyes, and the mouthwatering tattoo all had her falling hard. He’d felt the same way, and now half a year later they were going strong.

She finally knew what it felt like to be loved and to be respected. Aelin knew she’d marry him in a heartbeat, but not quite yet. He knew most of her history with Chaol, but there was one little thing she was still embarrassed by. She and Rowan hadn’t slept together yet, meaning she’d only ever slept with one man…and it was quite possibly the worst sex anyone could ever have.

And even more embarrassing - a thought that had many times left her wondering if something was broken inside of her - she’d never come before. Not once. 

It’d never been satisfying when she’d tried it by herself, and Chaol had certainly never been up to the task. Rowan would be, her rebellious mind had thought many times before that day, but she’d never brought it up. And he’d respected her boundaries like a gentleman, so they’d never done anything more than makeout like a pair of teenagers.

But tonight - she had plans.

Her phone rang, jolting her out of her thoughts. Scrambling over to grab it, she hit the answer button, immediately relaxing at Rowan’s voice. “Hey baby,” he said through the phone. “I’m downstairs.” 

Panic hit her and she stood up quickly, racing for her closet and grabbing the first thing she could find. “Okay,” she said, “I’ll head down now.” 

Aelin most decidedly did not head down right then, but after sliding her dress on, fluffing up her hair real quick and making sure her red lipstick was smooth and delectable, she slid her heels on, grabbed her purse, and headed out of her apartment. 

She lived in an expensive as hell building, so the ride down in the elevator was smooth and efficient, a doorman pressing the button for her when she got inside. 

“Thank you,” she said to him with a smile when they reached the first floor, and then she was off, her heels clicking against the marble floor of the lobby as she headed toward the door. Fall was creeping up on Orynth, so luckily she’d remembered to grab a coat to combat the chilly air that greeted her as she stepped out onto the sidewalk. 

Her smile grew when she saw her boyfriend leaning casually up against the side of the building, looking absolutely delicious in a sleek black suit, shirt unbuttoned just enough at the top to show a hint of the tattoo that stretched down his arm. 

“Hey, love,” he greeted when he saw her, quirking one side of his lip higher than the other like he always did. The expression never failed to make her crazy, and she was half tempted to just drag him upstairs and forget dinner, but not yet.

“Hi buzzard,” she said back, walking toward him, grinning when he grabbed her chin, tilting her face up for a slow kiss. “Happy anniversary,” she said when he pulled back. Rowan leaned in and nudged her nose with his.

“Happy anniversary,” he said back, before sliding an arm around to her lower back over her coat, guiding her toward the car that was pulled to the side, waiting for them. 

“So where are you taking me?” Aelin asked once they were seated in the backseat, the chauffeur pulling out onto the road. Rowan just raised a brow, a glimmer of a smile on his face.

“That’s a surprise,” he said, throwing an arm behind her armrest casually, and she clenched her thighs together, fighting the arousal the simple move caused in her. Not yet. She couldn’t deny she was a bit wound up, with good reason.

“Still?” She asked, smirking a little bit as she reached a hand out, setting it on his leg. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” It was playful, but she could see his eyes darken, and she fought a shiver. Rowan had always respected her wishes to wait, had always assured her he didn’t want her for her body, but she also knew he was far past ready to take a step further. But only if she wanted to as well.

Little did he know what she had on underneath this dress.

------

Dinner was at The Staghorn, the most expensive restaurant in the city of Orynth. Rowan had reserved a private table for them in the back, complete with candles and a vase of kingsflame, one of which he’d taken out and curled behind her ear. 

He’d nearly had an aneurysm when she’d taken off her coat, his eyes wide as she’d revealed the sleek black dress she’d ended up choosing. It wasn’t skin tight, but it clung to her in all of the right places, with a modest neckline that had a lace edge, hiding the lace underneath. It made her look damn good, she knew that. And Rowan did too.

He’d barely been able to keep his hands off of her throughout dinner, touching her in some way the whole time, whether it was just their hands over the table, or a hand under the table, or even their legs, when she’d casually dragged her heeled foot up under his pants. 

“Some chocolate hazelnut cake to end the evening?” Rowan asked, dragging her back to the present, and she smiled. 

“Of course,” she said, like the answer was obvious. Which it was. “Fancy dinner wouldn’t be fancy dinner without cake.”  Rowan chuckled, the sound rumbling across the table, making her whole body warm.

“Then let’s get you your cake,” he said, turning to find their waiter. The waiter noticed him looking and came over, and after her boyfriend placed their order he reached into his suit jacket, pulling out a smoothly wrapped present.

“We said no gifts,” Aelin said, frowning at the small box he set on the table in front of her. They’d agreed a few weeks before not to get each other gifts for their anniversary. It was each other’s presence that mattered, not what physical items they bought for each other.

Chaol had bought her huge presents every birthday, anniversary, holiday, and then left her alone to celebrate them while we went out with his friends. Without fail. She didn’t need a repeat of that.

“It’s not much of a gift,” Rowan said. “Well it is, but I didn’t spend anything on it.” She raised a brow at him, but opened it when he gestured for her too, gasping as she saw what was inside the small box.

“Rowan,” she breathed, lifting a beautiful locket out of the box. It was a locket she recognized. “Is this your mother’s?” She asked, and he nodded. 

His mother had passed away when he was young, but he’d shown her pictures of them together, all of them with her wearing this exact locket. 

“My dad gave it to me to give to you,” he said, and she pressed a hand to her chest, touched at the gesture. “He told me right after he met you that I had to snap you up,” he added and she laughed. “And I know you’re nowhere near ready for marriage again.” She shook her head in confirmation. She loved him, but they hadn’t been together nearly that long, and after last time, she wanted to take it slowly. “So I just want to give you this, just to show you that whenever you’re ready, so am I.” 

It was a bold statement, and it brought tears to her eyes that she quickly wiped away, not wanting to ruin her makeup. Gods, she was ready to have sex with him.

“I love you,” she said wetly, looking back up at him. The expression on his face was so soft she almost cried again.

“I love you too,” he said, “do you want to put it on?” 

Aelin was tempted to say yes, but with her plans for the evening she didn’t want to accidentally leave it on and have sex with his mom’s necklace on, so she shook her head.

“Not yet,” she said softly, closing the box delicately. Rowan didn’t question her, just lifted her hand to press a kiss to the back of it. 

And then their cake came, and they finished their meal like they’d started it, with laughter and with love.

------

She was squirming in the car on the ride home, clenching her thighs together at the thought of what they were going to do. Rowan had no idea, he probably expected them to just watch a movie and go to sleep together like they always did. 

Pretty much every night they were at one of their apartments’, neither of them able to fall asleep apart anymore. Tonight, they were heading back to his place, and she was grateful to see the apartment building as they pulled up to the side of the road, his driver stopping to let them get out.

They both thanked him, loosely holding hands as they headed into the building. It was a quick elevator ride up to his apartment, and by the time they were inside, the lights flicked on, she was humming with anticipation. 

“What do you want to watch?” He asked, reaching for the tv remote, but she stopped his hands.

“I have a different idea actually,” she said coyly, looking at him from under her lashes, setting her purse down and kicking off her heels. 

“Oh?” He asked, turning to face her, she nodded.

“It involves us, your bedroom, and no clothes,” she said, and she watched amused as his face went from shock to arousal in the span of a few seconds. But then it turned wary.

“Are you sure?” He asked, grabbing her hands and loosely caressing the back of her palms with his thumbs. “We haven’t yet, I don’t want you to rush into anything.” He looked embarrassed. “And I know you’ve only ever been with your ex husband - and I - doubt that my tastes are exactly like his.”

Aelin quirked a brow, suddenly intrigued. They’d never really broached this subject before.

“Your tastes?” She asked, tilting her head. He ruffled his hair, avoiding the question, but she didn’t back down, and eventually he sighed.

“We’ve never talked about it before,” he said, “but I’m - more into not the normal things.”

“What?” She asked incredulously. “Like tying people up and blindfolding and everything?” She was joking, but she wasn’t anymore when he just nodded awkwardly. “Oh.” 

“I obviously would only do whatever you’re comfortable with,” Rowan insisted, and she was sure of it. But - she couldn’t deny that she was a little bit curious.

“What if I want to try?” Aelin asked boldly, lifting her chin, and his brows shot up. 

“Really?” He asked, and when she nodded she could see the arousal pooling in his eyes again. 

“Like you said,” she added. “I’ve only ever been with Chaol,” she nearly gagged on his name, “and -” she geared herself for her own admission, “it was never satisfying.” 

Rowan furrowed his brows as he decoded her words, settling into anger as he picked up on what she meant. “Eight fucking years, and not once?” He asked, and she shook her head. “Gods, I thought I couldn’t hate the man more.” 

That made her laugh, and she leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Come on,” she said, looking up at him. “Take me for a ride.”

Rowan quirked a brow, a dark smirk on his face, and she shivered with arousal, heat beginning to pool in her core. But she didn’t say anything, just took his hand and led him into his own bedroom. 

Once they crossed the threshold, the mood changed dramatically as she realized just exactly what they were finally doing. And gods were they jumping in headfirst. But she wanted to. She really wanted to. But she didn’t know where to start.

He sensed her hesitation, and in the middle of his room he paused, turning her around slowly and hugging her from behind. She could feel the heat from his body, and the erection that was quickly forming, and her core began pounding, her body humming with the pleasure that hopefully awaited her. 

Rowan’s hands were hot on her body, gripping her tightly through her dress, his lips moving to press against the skin of her neck. She was sure she was sweaty, but he didn’t seem to mind, traveling his way up from her neck to her jaw, sucking on a spot on the underside. Aelin tilted her head to the side, letting him take her. 

“Oh,” she sighed as the hand not splayed across her stomach crept down to the slit in her dress, sliding across her heated thigh to her underwear. He didn’t give her the pressure she wanted, just lightly brushing a finger over the fabric.

“Is this all for me?” he chuckled into her skin, the vibrations and the unexpected dirty words making her shiver. Gods, she didn’t think she’d ever been this turned on in her life, and they’d barely done anything at all. In fact, they hadn’t done anything, but she was already on the edge. 

It was like he’d flipped a switch, and the sweet, slightly awkward Rowan from moments ago was replaced with this. 

“Rowan,” she moaned, nearly begging for him to do something. Aelin craned her head to look at him, but he took the hand on her stomach, dragging it up her front to roughly grab her chin, keeping her face turned away for him to continue devouring her neck. A bolt of heat raced through her at the forceful movement.

He certainly was keeping his promise.

The finger on her underwear was tracing featherlight circles, and she nearly begged for more before he stepped away completely, leaving her cold.

“Wha-” She began to protest, turning to look at him, but stopped at the look in his eyes. At the dirty promises in it. 

“Take off your dress,” he said, his voice gravely, and she didn’t resist, reaching for the straps. His green eyes were dark, staring at her as she slowly pulled it down her body, the cool air prickling against her heated skin, hardening her nipples through the lace she now revealed. If it was possible, his expression was even more ravenous at her surprise.

Underneath her dress was a new set of lingerie she’d spontaneously bought the other week. It was black like her dress, but completely see through lace, with straps highlighting the curves of her body. Aelin wasn’t sure what he’d think, but it seemed he appreciated it, if the way his pants were tenting was any indication. 

“What do you think?” She asked demurely, looking at him through her lashes, squeezing her thighs together to abate the pressure when he stepped closer to her again, his calloused hands ghosting across her sides. 

“Beautiful,” he murmured into her shoulder, before lifting a hand to his tie, loosening it and finally beginning to undress. Aelin moved her hands to start unbuckling his belt, but he stopped her, giving her a look that nearly made her melt. 

“My way, remember?” He asked, and she nodded, heat pounding through her. She already felt closer to coming than she ever had with Chaol, but she also didn’t think Rowan was going to let it be that easy. “Get on the bed,” he said, murmuring the words into her ear, tickling the little hairs there.

Aelin followed suit, stepping away from him and toward his bed, barely able to breathe as she climbed up as gracefully as she could. Not sure how he wanted her, she just laid on her back, watching as he kicked off his shoes and slowly unbuckled his belt, his eyes on her as he took it off, tossing it to the side. She bit her lip as his hands returned to his tie, stepping toward the bed as he slowly pulled it off. 

But he didn’t do anything with it yet, just kept it in hand as he climbed onto the bed. Her whole body was pounding with arousal, and she kept her eyes on him as he ran a hand up one thigh, opening it slowly for him to move between. He was still fully dressed, but the friction of the clothes between them as he settled over her was delicious. The sensation against her peaked breasts was overwhelming, and yet she needed more. Right now.

Aelin reached for him, hoping to pull him closer, but he tsked, pulling back to hover over her.

“Rowan,” she groaned, lifting her hips to entice him back down. But he just chuckled darkly, sitting up. When she went to follow him, he pressed a hand on her stomach, keeping her down. It traveled up to massage one of her breasts through the lace, making her pant as his other hand reached for her wrists, holding them together toward the headboard. 

“Is this okay?” Rowan asked, and she blinked a few times, coming out of her haze to see the tie in his hands. She nearly came right then as she realized what he meant to do, and she nodded rapidly, making him smirk. 

Efficiently, he wrapped the tie around her wrists, tying it around a slat in his headboard. “Tug,” he asked, no ordered, and she did, feeling the knot satisfyingly tight but not uncomfortable. “Good girl,” he praised, and a small moan escaped her, making him grin. It was a grin she’d never seen before, full of dirty promises, and she was once again sure she’d never felt this good.

Especially as he leaned back down over her, his mouth hovering over her stomach. He still hadn’t kissed her, but his lips were so effective everywhere else she couldn’t be mad. Especially as he trailed his tongue up her stomach before closing his lips around one of her nipples, tracing his tongue around it through the lace. 

Her eyes fell shut, heat pounding through her, and she longed to press his head closer, but couldn’t, which only made the throbbing in her core worse. Sounds she’d never made before escaped her as he switched between her two breasts, making her lingerie wet. One hand was splayed across her hip, holding her down tightly, but the other was tracing up and down the inside of her thigh teasingly. 

“Please,” she sighed as he traced over her underwear for the hundredth time, never as hard as or even where she needed him.

“You’re so wet,” he said, pausing to look up at her. The hand between her legs finally pressed harder against her core, his thumb circling her clit, making her gasp wetly as he added, “do good girls get this soaked?” 

A groan escaped her at the dirty words, and her back arched as he reached under her underwear, plunging a finger into her with no warning. 

“Fuck,” she cursed, her voice tight. Her eyes were screwed shut, her hands pulling against the restraints as she bucked her hips up, urging him to go faster. Rowan obliged, thrusting his finger into her, before adding another one and rubbing his thumb on her clit. With his other hand, he kept her thighs splayed wide for him, keeping them from thrashing the way her body wanted to.

She was getting closer and closer to that mythical release, she could feel it, her body tightening around him, cries escaping her lips. But right when she was about to fall over the edge, he pulled his fingers out completely. 

“Rowan,” she groaned, panting at the sudden cold. He just lifted his hand to her lips. 

“Open,” he ordered, and she did, closing her lips around his fingers when he stuck them inside. She moved her tongue around them in imitation of what she’d do somewhere else, tasting herself on his hand. His eyes darkened.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” Aelin asked once he pulled his hand away, a bit of drool dripping down her chin. She wasn’t even embarrassed, she was too turned on. He quirked a silver brow.

“Do you think you’re ready?” He asked, and she nearly huffed impatiently.

“Are you ready?” She asked. “Because all I see you doing is a whole lot of nothing.” She was trying to goad him into doing more, and they both knew it. But he wasn’t buying it, simply tucking a finger under the waistband of her underwear, pulling them slowly down her legs and tossing them to the side. 

“You’re such a brat,” he said with a chuckle, before leaning down over her, not quite kissing her. “Do you need to be punished?” He asked, his breath hot against her lips. Aelin couldn’t deny the heat that raced through her at the idea of him roughing her up a little bit. 

“Do I?” She asked, ever petulant, and he smirked, lifting a hand to undo the tie holding her arms to the headboard. Her arms now unbound, she went to reach for him, but he shook his head.

“I think you need some manners spanked into you,” he said, “what do you think?” She nearly groaned, but smirked at him.

“Do your worst,” she said, and he smirked back, the glint in his eyes dangerous as he grabbed her hips, rolling her so she was on her stomach, the sensation of his sheets against her cheek familiar, but the heat of his body behind hers not. 

“Say red if it’s too much,” he said, and she appreciated the concern. Always respectful of her boundaries, even when it was clear she wanted him to ravish her wholly. But she nodded in response, not expecting the sharp smack he gave against her ass, making her groan. She’d never been spanked before, and it hurt a little bit, but the pleasure was so much more. Her toes curled into the sheets, heat racing through her.

“Words, Aelin,” he said lazily, and she nearly combusted.

“Yes,” she managed to say, her voice tight. But he just spanked her again, making her eyes squeeze shut from the pleasure. 

“Yes, what?” He corrected, his voice sharp, and she buried her hands into the sheets, clenching them tightly as she grounded out -

“Yes, sir.” 

It was what he wanted to hear, but he spanked her again, this time a reward for her good behavior. She was panting into the pillow, her entire body throbbing, especially when he forcibly lifted her thigh up, making space between her legs to spank her core. 

“Oh gods,” she sobbed, the feeling absolutely divine. Rowan just let out a dark laugh, leaning down to press a hot kiss to the back of her neck.

“You’re a dirty girl,” he said, his entire body pressing against the back of hers. “Enjoying your punishment so much. If only everyone else knew how bad you really were.” 

“Rowan,” she moaned, close to coming. She was so close, she could taste it. 

“You’re going to come getting spanked like a little slut?” He asked, and she couldn’t open her eyes but she could hear the sounds of him quickly getting rid of his clothes. Finally. 

It wasn’t long before she could feel him against her, no clothes in the way. And when he grabbed her hips, lifting them up for a better angle, she complied easily, needing him in her. 

But he didn’t enter her immediately, just teased her clit with his cock, not quite slipping inside where she needed him.

“Rowan,” she begged, pushing back against him, but he just lightly spanked her again. “Sir,” she begged this time, and a loud moan escaped her when he plunged into her, not giving her any time to adjust before pulling out and thrusting in again roughly.

“Is this how you like it?” He asked, his voice a growl as he thrust into her hard and fast. Aelin couldn’t even find her words, just sounds she’d normally be embarrassed about escaping her. He leaned down over her, and she turned her head, finally capturing his lips in a heartstopping kiss.

His tongue swept through her mouth, and she could barely breathe anything but him as he continued thrusting into her. 

One of his hands was digging into her hips, and she knew his fingers would leave little bruises, but the thought just made her even more aroused. His other hand was sliding up her body, snapping open her bra and finally getting rid of it, before wrapping lightly around her throat, lifting her up to lean against his front. 

She’d never been in any of these positions before, and she couldn’t help but wonder what else she’d been missing out on. 

But for now, she just lifted her own hand to his, squeezing it tighter around her neck. 

“Yeah?” Rowan asked into her ear, and she nodded. He squeezed again, still thrusting roughly into her. She was so damn close. “You want to be choked like a whore?” He asked, and she moaned. “Whose whore are you?”

She didn’t answer and he snapped his hips into hers, making her breath hitch. 

“I’m yours,” she groaned, and he brought his other hand down to start rubbing her clit in reward. 

“Good girl,” he praised, and she nearly combusted right then. But not quite yet. 

“Are you going to come for me?” He asked, pressing her back down into the pillow and thrusting faster than before. The hand around her throat moved to her hair, tugging at it. She was rising up that cliff, about to fall over into pleasure, pleasure she wasn’t sure she’d survive. She was almost there… “Are you going to come for me like the slut you are?”

She snapped, her body squeezing him inside of her as she shuddered over the edge, white creeping into her vision as she experienced the feeling she never had before. Rowan thrusted a few times and then he was spilling into her, groaning. 

Aelin wasn’t sure how long it was until she came back to reality, panting hard. But she could feel him pulling out of her carefully, traveling to his attached bathroom and coming back with a wet cloth, cleaning her up. 

She also heard the sounds of the bathtub being turned on, and she hummed in content as Rowan lifted her off the bed, carrying her into the bathroom. She was set into the warm water, Rowan climbing in behind her, and she settled in between his legs, resting back against his chest.

“How was that?” He asked, tucking her hair back behind her ear. He was grinning, pleased with himself, and she was tempted to roll her eyes, but she couldn’t even deny how good it’d been.

“Certainly better than Chaol,” she said with a laugh, and it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“I think we can do a little better than that,” he said, lifting a brow, and even though they’d just finished, she was nearly ready to go again. 

“That was mild, honestly,” she lied, lifting her chin. “You talked a lot of big talk but all you did was tie me up.” Rowan laughed, pressing a soft kiss to her temple.

“Next time I’ll blindfold you, how about that?” He asked, and she couldn’t hide her squirm at the thought. “But not tonight,” he added, caressing her skin lovingly. She was tempted to press him on it, but she really was tired, and she was sure he was to. So all Aelin did was relax back into him, hugging his arms that were wrapped around her.

“Happy anniversary,” she said, smiling up at him. “I love you.” 

He kissed her hair, hugging her tight. “I love you too.”

----

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