#chainsaw man does not do women well. it also does not do them as badly as other manga.

[daisyachain]

‘chainsaw man is weird thinly-veiled underage ecchi’ ‘actually the sexualization in chainsaw man has a narrative purpose’ they’re both idiots.

The job of demon hunting is directly compared to sex work in-text as precarious and exploitative labour (which is its own kettle of fish but like). Makima and Himeno’s sexual advances on their underlings are one and the same with their introducing them to the world of demons. Denji’s teenage horndogness is a stand-in for his lack of any human connection, the only part of himself that he has any access to are the basic physical urges (food, sex) to show how alienated he is from himself by the exploitation of his body as a worker.

The female characters are for the most part drawn in non-detailed suits. Makima does look like Columbo. In terms of baseline horniness the art is more restrained than flippin Naruto. Quanxi and Himeno are barely even identifiable as women in some shots. But, that’s the baseline. When Fujimoto goes horny it’s an entire arc of a teenage cafe worker running around naked with the head of an object. Reze is literally objectified, she’s a ~sexy~ body with a hunk of metal on the top, not even afforded the dignity of Denji’s open shirt.

Then there’s that one chapter cover where a handful of female characters are all stark naked and contorted up. The token naked guy, Angel, is posed like he’s slouched on the couch while Power and Kobeni are tarted up despite being in the same category as Angel: unthinkable as love interests. Even when Denji thinks Power’s as unfuckable as a demon guy, she still has the snapped spine and odd angles of the worst-sexualized of whatever anime girl you can think of. So the main character’s heterosexual obsession is important to the plot, is story relevant and arguably Reze’s rampant sexualization is reflective of that rather than author horniness…

Except it isn’t, because Fujimoto sexualizes women independent of Denji’s POV. Within the same manga women are treated with personhood as a default (uniforms in line with the men and buttoned up to the top) and also goes to the opposite pole, stripping them of even a face and making them literally a sexy lamp. Or rather a sexy bomb.

The contradictions of CSM get summed up in Quanxi. She’s treated seriously as a demon hunter, she achieves more kills than most other characters, her default costume is a decidedly slouchy tank top that doesn’t even show cleavage, she’s sexually unavailable to men and there’s never any attempt to get her to get involved with men, and she’s allowed to be one of the few figures Denji doesn’t lust after. At the same time her fiend harem are dubiously kawaii dumb monster girls who exist only to draw I-can’t-believe-the-editor-allowed-it lesbian orgy scenes for the mangaka to jerk off to. The women in Chainsaw Man are allowed to exist in a space that isn’t sexual, their personhood is recognized, but at the same time when the beam of objectification lands on them there’s no escape and no moderation.

[youthofpandas]

Kris year in review (in which i talk about everything i remember that i watched and played and read) bc I like to talk about things . this is so incredibly long do not feel like you have to look at this okay guys. okay. I already wrote this up so im just gonna post it

Games I played:

AI: The Somnium Files - a fantastic game I highly recommend if you like weird characters and stories and are a fan of visual novels/adventure games <3 super fun

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim - AMAZING cast of characters and fun gameplay I didn’t want to stop playing, great plot I will be thinking about forever…

Bugsnax - very funny and cute and I loved catching every bugsnax and the fun characters I want to play the 2nd one when it comes out

Psyconauts - a cult classic for a reason. Loved it’s style but the final level is so bad I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. Looking forward to finishing 2 one day

Xenoblade Chronicles 3 - I haven’t gotten to finish this one yet (I got 80 hours in okay??) but I’m incredibly excited to get back to it. GOTY BABY!!! GAME OF ALL TIME!!

Nier Automata - ALSO THE GAME OF ALL TIME this is a must play it broke me it healed me it made me see the beauty of art and story telling that games are capable of it’s really just fantastic. for the love of god do not stop after ending A. Love this game so much.

Ongoing Manga I am currently reading

Chainsaw Man - starting off with the best one. CSM is so incredibly important to me and one of the best stories I have ever read. if you have talked to me at ALL you know how I cannot shut up about Denji and i AM NOT SORRY!!!

I Want to Hold Aono-kun so Badly I Could Die - fantastic supernatural/horror themed romance and one of my favorite romances I read this year

Black Clover - made me realize how truly trash bnha is at writing women lmao. Good battle shonen but nothing overwhelming special about it. It understands the basics and does them all well

D Gray Man - didn’t catch up on this one yet but it’s got great characters and some of the worst action paneling I’ve ever seen.

Dungeon Meshi - y’all were right it’s funny and can be very touching at time

A Condition Called Love - I can fix him romance but make it not feel toxic the manga. Super cute I love them.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun - I feel like I started this last year but I know that can’t be true… supernatural + romance + cute art. It’s made me cry.

Jujutsu Kaisen - loved this baby and then I caught up to the current arc and it was the worst shit of all time. Megumi my depressed king.

Frieren Beyond Journeys End - fantastic please read it I love these bitches so much

Spy x Family - it’s SxF it’s good we all know this

Manga I finished reading

Cardcaptor Sakura - I think this is my first CLAMP manga I finished. LOVED sakura and shaoran they are so small. so many good aspects to this series and then all of the age gap bullshit is there so IDK hard to recommend but I enjoyed reading all of the parts that weren't about horrible relationships

Horimiya - CUTE I love romance where you get to follow them as a couple <3 there were a few bad spots in it (miyamura's piercings being compared to self harm in that one chapter.......???????) but over all a good read

Astra: Lost in Space - fun scifi adventure with good characters. pretty short and easy read. its fun

You Got Me, Senpai - SO CUTE one of the best relationships I've read in a manga. adorable.

Drowning Love - verrry good and complex, a mature story with darker elements (check out trigger warnings for it) and a very engaging coming of age story about two kinda horrible kids with too much attention pointed their way living in a small town. anime adaptation WHEN

Wake Up, Sleeping Beauty - super cute romance, supernatural elements. loved it

Orange - think this would be a perfect read if the time travel element wasn't explained like That and also Suwa >>> Kakeru and what they did to his character in that bonus story was just mean

Goodbye, Eri - everyone should read this. beautiful, stays with you. fantastic exploration on what arts purpose is

A Kiss, For Real - it was cute. the summary makes it sound more romance focused than it actually is, there is a lot of focus on the MCs journey of growth and what she wants to do with her life. Romance was cute but not exceptionally so

Takopi's Original Sin - overhyped as hell. depressing outlook on life. thought some of it was fine but it is overall too cruel to say i enjoyed it, especially with a cast this young

The Girl From The Other Side - I actually 100% cannot remember if I read this last year or not. anyways. BEAUTIFUL art, great characters, compelling mysteries

Junji Ito's Dissolving Classroom - not his best work by far, but it is one of his earliest so I don't care too much.

Spotless Love: This Love Cannot Be Any More Beautiful. - I haven't been adding the ones that aren't popular unless I really enjoyed them, but idk this one is just so wild I felt the need to throw it on here. girl who loves to clean x child assassin is certainly a relationship dynamic. they're funny

Anime I watched <3 THIS SECTION WILL BE LONG SORRY

Akiba Maid War - this is not very good but it is entertaining so...

Ano Hana - rewatched this one finally! still one of the best dramas of all time. did you know childe and jintan have the same english VA bc I know. I know this now.

BNA - the plot point about how the furries were victims in the literal real world holocaust made me kind of hate this I won't lie. also the best friend fox girl Nazuna is one of the most unbearable characters ever. when you lead a cult pretending to be an important religious figure to a culture you are not part of because you like attention i guess?? it is not a good look in a show that already deals so heavily in antisemetic themes & imagery for it's villains.... sorry to whoever recommended this to me :( great animation

Dance Dance Danseur - did not like the MC but I did like the FMC and Rival character, good animation. I read the authors shoujo title Drowning Love this year and it should've gotten the adaptation TBH but this was fine, last few episodes carried

Death Parade - rewatched this one this year and it is still amazing. OP is still one of the best out there.

Do It Yourself!! - not incredibly remarkable yuri bait with a fantastic art style. its fine if you like cute girls doing cute things while being gay genre

Erased - for a mystery story the culprit is laughably obvious. the rest of it is pretty good though. oh lol other than the weird jokes about the protags taste in girls but it never followed through on anything so compared to other series im too tired to care

Keep Your Hand's Off Eizouken - starts off strong but I couldn't keep caring by the end tbh. it does not help I started it and then stopped for like 7 months and then finally finished the show so that's probably rly affecting my feelings

Today's Menu for the Emiya Family - certified apron boy moment

Fire Force - do NOT fucking watch this show is is so actually bad. However. Arthur is so funny I have to finish the series

Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works - rin best girl. maybe fate isn't so bad after all.

Fruits Basket (2019) all seasons - LOVE ME SOME SHOUJO!!!! it slays everyone needs to watch this NOW

Jujutsu Kaisen 0 - fantastic movie i need to watch it again

Kaguya-sama Love is War - only watched the first season but it's fun, not the best without breaks. the people saying this is the best animanga romance need to read more shoujo though

Mob Psycho 100 s3 - I cried. It's beautiful. I don't need to say anything else

NGE - this was a rewatch a long time coming. Truly didn't understand shit watching this as a teenager lol. it's better than I could've imagined and a lot of the criticisms i used to have were actually stupid and a byproduct of not understanding what it was doing

Sarazanmai - 10/10 gay kappa connections cycles trauma love mafia boxes cops otters I WANT TO CONNECT, but.........

spy x family s1 - its good its sxf

Zombieland Saga + Revenge - first idol anime I watched. the main girl was way too relatable for comfort. good time.

Movies I watched (I am bad at talking about movies sorry)

Turning Red - super good loved the everything I can’t believe it came out this year. I’ve watched it 3 times.

Scream (the entire movie series) - it’s scream baby idk what else to say. First one is fantastic the rest are okay I guess but man… that first one is just sooo good it’s hard to live up to it

The Sea Beast - fun movie! Almost forgot I watched it

Monster High: The Movie - perfection 10/10 high art it should’ve been called Monster High: The Film

Skinamarink - loooove me a horror movie that says fuck doing what other movies do I am doing my own thing. Did not actually love the thing it did but it’s definitely not a bad movie

Wendell & Wild - STOP MOTION SWEEP !!!! Great movie I will return to on future Halloweens. Think the plot got a bit too big for the movies runtime or whatever but I really don’t care bc it was good so whatever

Disney’s ZOMBIES trilogy - bad.

Disney’s Descendants trilogy - bisexual. Less bad than zombies

The VelociPastor - a masterpiece baby!!

Glass Onion - absolutely fantastic, words can’t describe how fun this movie is

Pinocchio - stunning stop motion and a beautiful story that brought me to tears. icon.

[onceawasteland]

NATASHA, PIERRE AND THE GREAT COMET OF 1812 (August 11th 2017, and August 12th 2017) there are spoilers to come but i felt you would all appreciate my take on the show for I have greatly appreciated everyone else's reviews. THIS STORY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS CLOSING. the above are pictures from my two respective seats and at the stage door Act One * the walls are covered in portraits from the 1800s, some of which are landscapes of operas) * i danced (badly) on a broadway stage * to get to the on stage seating you enter through lucas' door * while waiting for the show to start old russian music is playing. they also played some french music bc they were francophiles YAY FOR HISTORY * a lady behind me said "omg look at how they did the staging... i guess its pretty clear that theres not a lot of dancing in this show. and i about died laughing * during prologue Cathryn squeaked on the clarinet as she ran down the stairs and my best friend is a clarinet player so this made her RIDICULOUSLY happy * OAK LOOKED RIGHT AT ME DURING MY FAVORITE PART OF PIERRE WHICH IS MY FAVORITE SONG (You empty and stupid, contented fellows. satisfied with your place, im different from you im different from you. i stilll want to do something) * during pierre, pierre sings the part, "and how many men before good russian men, believing in goodness and truth" right to Anatole (who is in the main spot light) and a bunch of other dudes including Dolokohv * Anatole is wasted pretty much the whole show but he this is when you first notice it and lucas was sitting on the stairs right next to me and he kind of drunkenly slipped before he ran to the other side of the stage and i was like 😍😍 * Deneé was on our side of the stage pretty much the whole show and she looked me straight in the eyes about 15 times * during the very beginning of no one else when the music just starts to play Deneé walks with very youthful steps and it just emphasizes her innocence and lack of awareness and just EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PLAY IS MAGIC * no one else is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen (well kind of if you dont count the great comet of 1812) The independent lightbulbs which are hanging from the ceiling all kind of drop so it kind of looks like Natasha is floating among the stars * when deneé sang "we were angles once dont you remember" the second night i was there the guy she was singing to on stage right said yes and you could hear it in her mike 😂 * also during no one else, when Deneé sings "this winter sky" she is standing on the top tier of stairs and she flings her arms out gesturing to the sky and the blue light of the moon is the only real light on her and it is quite simply breathtaking * andrei shows up 3-4 times during act one and its super sad every time. the first one (i think, from my vantage point) was during no one else when Natasha is squeezing her knees. Andrei is holding her letters in his hand and then he puts them in his coat pocket right next to his heart and i want to die. * at the beginning of the opera when Dolokohv is introduced he is so ridiculously arrogant and its adorable. Dolokohv in general is pretty fucking adorable. He points at the mezzanine and smirks and its beautiful * at the opera when Natasha says "a little sad a little stout" pierre is in the parlor which is right between natasha and Marya, and Helene and he makes this face like "wtf dude we should be bros" and he is playing the accordion and he pulls it in a way that the note declines and its just this hilarious moment * during the opera andrei shows up covered in blood right after Natasha sees Anatole is staring at her and its so depressing and also NICHOLAS BELTON OMG * Andrei also shows up during Natasha and Anatole (ok my heart 💔) * pierre is reading in his study through almost the entire show * So i heard this before and i didnt believe it bc you cant tell from just the music but the way that lucas plays Anatole is just so complex i love it. During, Natasha and Anatole he is a. really surprised at the amount that he isnt being rebuffed. and b. he has all these nervous tics before he enters the box all the way and makes his presence known and it just adds so much to the character because while yes he is the bad guy he isnt evil he is just unaware of everyone else. * he also tries to convince himself that he isnt doing anything wrong during "we are speaking of the most ordinary things" he wasnt trying to convince her HE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF * and then RIGHT WHEN SHE SAYS "yet I feel closer to you thank Ive ever felt with any other man" he just looks so happy and surprised * Right before Anatole goes to talk to Pierre during the duel he does this mind blown motion after watching natasha exit and its so fucking cute * DOLOKOHV'S "DRINK DRINK"s AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DUEL HAPPENED AS HE RAN UP THE STAIRS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I DIED BC HOLY FUCK NICK CHOKSI * I know you all already know this but the strobe lights are the most badass thing i have ever seen in my life. i straight up thought i was going to die they are SO intense. and during the ohohohohohs at the beginning lucas and nick did this hoping dance and i was like 😍 and its so cool bc of the strobe lights and I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE STROBE LIGHTS HOLY FUCK * the second night i saw it, i cant remember who it was but, someone literally almost kicked me in the face from the stage section right in front of me * during the line "then i feel a pleasant warmth in my body" LUCAS DOES A BODY ROLE AND IT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY HOT I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE IT * OK OAK! this is the moment i was like FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW THIS BOY IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN. When Dolokohv is singing "heres to the health of married women" he is talking directly into pierre's face trying to bro out, and oak's face just falls completely and im like I NEED TO GIVE YOU A HUG DONT BE SAD. then, THENNNNN Dolokohv actually goes and makes out with helene two feet away from him and the hurt on oaks face was so raw i just 😭 * during the duel it is super obvious that Helene actually cares about Pierre because when she see that he hit Dolokohv shes more worried about the retribution than she is about dolokohv and i just want to die bc these characters are so fucking complex and BEAUTIFULLLLL * Dust and Ashes IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG AND OAK SINGS IT SO WELL AND I DIDNT KNOW THAT THE SONGS COULD GET BETTER BUT HE DID AND I WANT TO DIE * Dust and Ashes is my best friends favorite song and Oak looked directly at her during her favorite line too and its like he fucking knew we were sitting there * during sunday morning Sonya is trying to imitate Marya by sitting exactly like her and that is so great * Charming is gay. that is all there is to say really, just GAYYYYY * and Natasha imitates Helene at the end of Charming which again shows her innocence (SCREAMING) * she then makes the most adorable "well if you say so face" during "but still she talks so frankly. so it must be alright" and she kind of shrugs and AGHHHH * at the beginning if the ball Anatole, again, has all sorts of nervous energy and hes pacing and bouncing on the balls of his feet shaking his hands. and it just adds so much depth. * the ball was really distracting the first night bc two people (cant say who they were bc they are in huge ass masks) were dancing like 6 inches away from me and kept breathing in my ear. I am not complaining. * Lucas turns around with his hands up in a surrender pose like "i didnt do anything what are you saying" when natasha says "your hurting my hand" which i love. then he runs up and just grabs her bodily, turns her to him and smashes his lips on to hers. they stay like that for like 4 seconds and then natasha throws herself on top of him, essentially, and he kind of spins them around and its really kind of romantic (i am not a shipper of the two, except that i maybe kind of am after seeing how they interact with eachother) * Natasha kind of freaks out after the kiss but she is convinced that there is nothing else for her now but anatole and its like GIRLLLLL * Lucas and Deneé leave the stage arm and arm through the big door at the back with the same white lights that Anatole entered with. ACT 2 VERY FIRST THING THAT HAPPENED IN ACT TWO. LUCAS STEELE STARED INTO MY EYES FOR A SOLID 6 SECONDS AND SMIRKED AT ME AN I DIED AND MY FACE PROBABLY LOOKED SO DUMB BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE AGHH In Letters when pierre says IT IS NAPOLEON the portrait of napoleon on the wall lit up and i cried andrei was there during all of letters and it was so depressing BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHATS COMING AND AGH. right before sonya and natasha sonya and anatole glare at eachother as lucas exists and then sonya runs to grab the letter from natasha's hand. DENEÉ'S SASS DURING THE LINE "I do not grasp the question" is fucking epic. she roles her eyes and its perfection during Sonya alone Igrid Michaelson was literally three feet away. and the lights didnt light up behind denee and i was like ohhh someone messed up. Dolokohv was trying insanely hard to convince anatole not to go through with the abduction and his turmole was very evident. at one point denee walk across the stage and he looked between her and anatole, ran his hand through his hair and then just gives in and follows. Anatole is v annoyed with Dolokohv during preparations. while dolokohv is speaking he is mouthing along like "shut up bro you dont know wtf youre saying" its very funny balaga: there are no words just so much happened paul pinto is a beast i dont even know how he does it. ok on night two i tried write down things from balaga Heath whipped me in the face with his hair as he was head banging on the stage in front of me. marya plays the drums at the top of the stage #GRACEMcLEANISAGODDESS andrei is present through most of act two. he is playing the triangle in pierre's study during balaga OAK DOES THE MOST ADORABLE LAUGH AFTER HIS "WooooOOOOOOAHHH" in abduction. he makes me want to die Lucas' "WAAAAAAIIIT first we have to sit down" is hilarious because the amount of time that he just sits there in silence flirting with this random lady on stage is ridiculous. he messes with his hair and puts his arm around her while we (i) all just sit there staring at him with doppy smiles on our (my) faces. on night two he sat next to a guy on the stage and i really thought he was going to flirt with him as well but alas dolokohv's fur cloak bit is very funny and the cloak is purple which is not what i imagined. again i will say that he is adorable anatole makes out with the fur cloak girl before going to get natasha. boi Grace McLean's in my house is not just angry she is also devastated that natasha is to be ruined. her face is contorted with pain in almost every line. and she is pleading with natasha to listen to her. her vocals are just so insane just OMG the blocking during in my house was also insanely cool. sonya, natasha, and Marya are standing in a a triangle the whole time (denee was RIGHT in front of me for the majority of the time) and they would switch which point of the triangle they were at and the rotation was very neat. I REALIZED LATER THAT THIS IS A PARALLEL TO MOSCOW BECAUSE THEY ARE STANDING IN A TRIANGLE THEN TOO AND OMG THIS SHOW DOES LITERALLY EVERYTHING RIGHT in call to pierre, oaks first what, when pinto gives him the letter is like "wtf is going on here im nobody whats going on" and despite being very depressing is also kind of funny. the whats then progressively get less funny and more depressing and i HATE THAT THIS HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN NICHOLAS BELTON WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE SECOND NIGHT DURING CALL TO PIERRE AND HE KIND OF RUNS AND HIDES BEHIND A POST IN THE BACK OF THE THEATER AS PIERRE LEARSN WHAT HAPPENED TO NATASHA. pierre went to find anatole in the club all of the ensemble were surrounding the walls of the theater and it felt like we were actually in the club which was insane after "NATASH, NATASHA. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT I SEE NATASHA" Anatole throws his head down into helene's lap and i read somewhere that "they downplayed the incest" BUT I CALL BULL SHIT I DIDNT SAY THIS EARLIER BUT DURING THE DUEL AT THE LINE "Imma make love to her" AMBER IS GRINDING ON LUCAS SO I CALL BULL FUCKING SHIT anatole is also really distraught. its super weird bc with just the music to go off of you think anatole is just this jackass that wants nothing but to feel good and fuck everyone else... BUT LUCAS OMG lucas makes him sympathetic. he seems to really love natasha and when pierre is yelling at him he takes it to heart and freaks the hell out and just my love (i mean still a dick but) pierre and anatole is so fucking intense. and the ending if it when anatole is being a whiny baby IT IS SO GREAT BC ITS SO CLEAR HE IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM which emphasizes his age and lack of understanding as well WHICH IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT. Anatole's exit is almost an exact reflection of his entrance. with the lights flaring as he walks out the door everyone talks about this but when natasha poisons herself shes right between anatole and pierre and its so depressing and just my heart pierre and andrei is so fucking sad. first off in the book (which is all about redemption, ill get to that) Andrei gets the BEST most beautiful redemption arc, and ive always been kind if sad that they took that out. everyone else gets at least the possibility of redemption and they just straight up removed every possibility of andrei finding forgiveness. but whatever this is the song that made me start crying, i didnt stop until i was standing at the stage door both nights. ITS JUST SO FUCKING SAD AND I DONT EVER WANT TO FORGET NICHOLAS BELTON STANDING ON THE STAGE "smiling like his father" AS HE COMES TO TERMS WITH THIS BETRAYAL. OAK! OAKKKKKK. I did not know that pierre could get better i thought we had reached maximum amazing but HOLY SHIT. first off the whole time he was hilarious. at the beginning of the Duel when he said opera he satirized the word and drew it out kind of long which was hilarious. and other little moments while he was in his parlor. BRILLIANT. and then AND THEN DURING PIERRE AND NATASHA. i have no words the whole thing was heart breaking. I started crying during Pierre and Andrei and I didnt stop until the end, at the stage door, but holy fuck. after he says his line (you all know the one) i could SEE this singular tear fall from his face and god damn if that wasnt the most heart wrenching thing i have ever seen. he was full on sobbing on stage and i could not handle it. During Pierre and Natasha, Helene, Marya, and Dolokohv were sitting in the audience sections and Helene was crying, dolokohv was strumming his guitar and looking very depressed and Marya just sat there shaking her head. Im not sure if other people were around too but those were the three i could see. during great comet everything is just so beautiful. oaks acting and gestures made everything 100102948391x better but the lighting was INSANE. the comet was beautiful the stars were beautiful, oak was beautiful. one of the MOST stunning plays I have EVER seen in so many ways. a person is not supposed to cry 6 times during a show... it requires magic and this show had it in bucket loads. STAGE DOOR DAY ONE: I MISSED GRACE MCLEAN BC I WAS DISTRACTED AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF AGHWHSHF Lucas must be on voice rest bc he wasnt saying anything but HE WAS SO CUTE AND IM DYING BC HE TOUCHED ME. (also i became like ridiculously starstruck and forgot that i wanted to tell him how much his acting adds to the lyrics and the character and how he is so much more sympathetic because he genuinely loves natasha and just doesn't demonstrate that in a good way, i will also. ever forgive myself for that) there was a little girl next to me at the stage door and the actresses were all being so encouraging to her. they were like "if you want to be an actress DO IT, I was right where you were once and now im here. you have it in you, just dont ever give up." and i wanted to cry bc OH JESUS THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. Paul Pinto is THE MOST™. i absolutely love it even after the show he had SO much energy. i was like 😮 how. Nick Choksi is adorable and wears so much eyeliner and he also talked to the little girl next to me about how excited he would be to see her name up on a marquee one day and i cried. I have no idea what I said to him bc again i was starstruck. My best friend died a little bc she loves him and i think it was honestly one of the best moments of her life. Amber, Oak, and Denee didnt come out (sobs) but APPARENTLY Renee Elise Goldsberry was there to congratulate Oak and support him and i was to cry again. OK DAY TWO STAGE DOOR: * this was a scary night for me * i got into a fight with a man because he was being exceptionally rude to the actors and i called him out on it and he started screaming at me and then he started pushing this other lady right when Shoba was signing in front of us and she looked so scared and i feel so fucking bad * also his daughter was obviously a huge fan of the show and was so excited to see the cast and when he got kicked out she was sobbing and i will maybe never forgive myself for ruining this girls night on broadway but someone needed to say something. he was straight up making fun of the cast as they were three feet away from him and the final straw for me was when he said "some one needs to go in there and grab that blond bitch by the hair and drag her out here. if no one else will ill do it" and so i turned around and said "excuse me sir would you mind turning down the vulgarity. it's incredibly disrespectful" and he said some of the meanest things i have ever heard from another person (called me a bitch, told me i would always be alone, tried to intimidate me by saying he was three times my age... i was just like that says more about you than it does about me man) any way the security guy (idk his name but i love him) got him to leave and then once he was gone i started crying bc everyone around me was patting me on the back trying to make me feel better and that makes me cry apparently. * SO THEN ANGLE MAN MCSECURITY came over and tried to cheer me up as did many other people which really only made it worse but everyone was being so kind and trying to distract me and finally i said "FUCK IT I CANT BE CRYING WHEN LUCAS STEELE COMES OUT" and everyone laughed and i started to stop crying. OK SO WHEN LUCAS CAME OUT AND GOT TO ME ANGLE SECURITY MAN SAID "lucas just so you know this girl has had a really hard time just now. a man was being very confrontational with her in the crowd, (wait for it) can she have a hug" and lucas stared into my eyes (LMAO I AM NATASHA) and said (his voice was so raspy and he was definitely not supposed to be speaking) "im so sorry but if i hug you i have to hug everyone, im so sorry that you had an altercation. here i can do this" AND HE STARTED RUBBING MY HAND IN CIRCLES AND I ABOUT DIED and i said "its ok i totally understand, you are actually fantastic (AND I LOVE YOU, actually no i didnt say that) can i have a picture?" and he said yes (its so bad) and then went down the line more BUT HOLY FUCK * and THEN i asked the totally innocuous question to angle security man, out if curiosity not wanting to do it myself, "not to sound presumptuous or anything but how is it that people grt to go back stage at things like this?" and he said friends or family and i said ok, makes sense i was just curious. THEN HE CAME BACK 3 MINUTES LATER AND SAID "i just wanted to let you know i tried to get you back stage, my friend Summaya is in the cast would have taken you but she already left. i hope thats ok." and i just kind of stared at him bc I WASNT ASKING TO GO BACK MYSELF IT WAS A FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THING and i said "no no of course i totally understand dont worry about it" * GUESS WHAT ELSE HAPPEND BRITTAN ASHFORD WAS THERE AND WHEN SHE CAME OUT i started pointing and talking incoherently and he said, "do you want Brittan's autograph?" and i just kind of nodded and he BROUGHT HER OVER TO ME * Nicholas Belton didnt come out the stage door but he apparently was meeting up with Cathryn and a bunch of the other cast after the show bc i saw him as i was walking to my uber and i just kind if stalked him a little bit bc OMG and i love that they all go out together after the show * Anthony Ramos and Jasmine Cephas Jones were at the show to see Oak and they went in the stage door and Jasmine waved right to me after she saw me waving at her. they showed up separately and i was like OMG ARE THEY OK I HOPE THEYRE OK... but its all good * and Alex Gibbson told me that he was proud of me for having read War and Peace because his copy was collecting dust in the attic somewhere and i laughed * and BRAD GIOVANINE REMEMVERD ME at the sage door he said "hey! you were here last night werent you?" and i said "YEAH!" and he said "yes, i thought i recognized you in the audience! thank you so much for coming back" and i said "I wouldnt have missed it, thank you for telling this story" and that was a definite highlight OK SO THE REASON THAT THIS SHOW IS MAGIC: so the main message of war and peace is that people are good, and redemption, for even the most base of people, is not only possible it is probable because when you break it down we are all imbued with humanity which can triumph when/if we let it. the show doesnt necessarily show that redemptive possibility because it is the part of the story where literally everyone is at their worst. BUT the acting and intention behind the blocking and the small things show that even the very worst of characters (cough anatole, cough helene, cough dolokohv), that we really shouldnt sympathize with based on their actions, are portrayed in such a way that it is IMPOSSIBLE to not see them as, at their root, good. it is impossible to not see their humanity. their weaknesses are on full display, but those weaknesses are merely weakness. they are not evil, they are a result of circumstance and upbringing. not to mention the characters we are supposed to love... they are so easy to forgive its ridiculous in conclusion: Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812 is the bets musical i have ever seen. I love the cast with all of my heart because of their talent and kindness, I will NEVER forget the magic that was tonight. i CANNOT believe that this show is closing. I will never see anything like it ever again and its a travesty. I hope one day there is a revival that is this good... i have hope 🙏🏻.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #386

“someone kick me out of my mind  /  i hate these thoughts, i can’t deny”

Did you ever go to daycare as a kid? Only for a day. My mother was VERY unimpressed and frankly pissed with how they treated me. Who's one of the most talented people you know? What are they talented at? Man, it's hard to say! I have a number of friends who are wonderful artists, as well as stupendous writers. My younger sister is a great dancer, so much so she's an instructor by now. She is also INCREDIBLE with children. I have an old high school friend who's a marvelous photographer. I could keep going and going. How long have you had your current mattress? Wow, I have NO idea. It's very old. Do you usually pay with cash, debit card, or credit card? Just cash, 'cuz I don't have either card. What's your sexuality? I'm bisexual. What's your gender identity? Female. Are you the type of person who can make friends with just about anyone? To an extent. There are some beliefs, like homophobia, racism, misogyny, etc. that I absolutely will not tolerate in friends. What was the last thing you borrowed from someone? Idk, actually. What are some things you like about the area you live in? It's not too densely populated. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. I absolutely hate the kind that don't. How many burners does your stove have? Four. When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table? A booth. I feel more secure. Has your car ever been broken into? My mom's never has. I don't own my own car. What do you like to be called? It depends on who you are, but generally, Britt or, if online, Ozz. Favorite WWE wrestler? I'm not into wrestling at all. I find it stupid in my honest opinion. What magazine(s) are you subscribed to? None. Pet(s) species, names, and why they are named that? I have a cat named Roman. I don't know what his breed is, but his coat resembles a Siamese. I named him "Roman" because I thought it was regal and majestic, like he looked. My champagne ball python is named Venus because her coloration reminds me of the planet of the same name. Last picture you took was of: a funny picture to show Sara. It's my way of tagging her in memes lmaoooo Soda you wouldn't buy? I don't like Sprite, for one. Funny how it was my fave as a kid. Do you have any friends you have never gotten into an argument with? Yeah. For example, I've never once had an argument with Tez, which is pretty amazing given how long we've been in steady contact. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? No. Have you ever been with someone who was really clingy? Did it annoy you? You could say Tyler was, but not physically. He just wanted to be talking 24/7. Is there a store you go to so much the employees know your name? No. Does your best friend get along with their parents? Yeah. Would you be able to tell me your mom’s favorite food? No. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? I had one, before she fell off the face of the planet. Have you ever helped someone while they were drunk puking? No, I never could. I can't even HEAR someone puking. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet cat? Bruh the fuck, those are the two pets I have and adore, haha. If I didn't have either though and I had the choice of one pet, I'd want a snake. Have you ever gotten anything racist about you yelled at you? No. Have you ever watched someone being carried into an ambulance? Yeah, my mom. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you a stuffed animal? Yes. Do you remember the The Land Before Time movies? Who was your favourite character? I. LOVED. THOSE MOVIES. I think Littlefoot was my favorite, or Cera. Are you one of those people who texts back instantly? Pretty much. Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. Overpriced madness imo. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Sara. Who was playing at the first concert you ever attended? Who did you go with? Alice Cooper. I went with Mom, Jason, and my little sister. My sis had absolutely no interest in Alice himself, she just wanted to go for the hell of it. Have you ever used a chainsaw? No. Have you ever worn those drunk goggles? Yes, during D.A.R.E. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Cruel as fuck. Gored? Good. Who is the best female rocker? Why? I don't know. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? I actually really like the traditional, rich red. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils. Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No. They shouldn't get unwrapped in the first place, like respect their culture ffs. Let the dead lie. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Yep. I won't even share a drink with my mother. Have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? Oh god, my maternal grandmother would never. I don't think the others have. Are you trying to grow out your hair? That's a definite no. I never want long hair again. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. Do you like the TV-show Frasier? I haven't watched it. Has there ever been a leak anywhere in your house? Not in this house, no. Two houses ago when a hurricane made a tree land on our roof, though, it caused a few leaks. Is it very humid where you are right now? You have no fucking idea, and the A/C in the house is broken. It feels lovely in here. What is the most suggestive thing someone has said to you? I actually don't know but even if I did I probably wouldn't share it. Do you have friends who you playfully flirt with? Sometimes. Do you have a favourite television host? No. When it comes to chocolate, do you prefer nougat, jelly or caramel filling? Caramel. When you’re angry, does it ever get physical? No. People like that scare me. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? No. I want a gay pride flag, though, to hang above my bed. When was the last time you took a nap? Did it relax you any? Yesterday, and yeah it did. Naps are pretty much part of my daily routine; it's seldom I have a day where I can physically make it through the day without having one. Which singer’s vocals would you love to steal? Amy Lee's or Adele's top the list, I think. Have you ever been trapped in a fire? Thank God no. Do wasps scare you? Oh yes. How old were you when you met your first love? 15, almost 16. What social stigma does society need to get over? Hairy women = gross, and mentally ill people = dangerous/scary, to name just two. I know there are MANY more, but it's too early in the morning for me to think too hard on this, lol. What is the best/worst prank that you’ve played on someone? I don't like pranking people. What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? "Some people have it worse," "just think positive!", "everything happens for a reason," "kill it with fire" (when talking about snakes, bugs, stuff like that), among others. Do you think aliens exist? Probably. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Unicorns. Although I feel they'd certainly be hunted to extinction... What are you interested in that most people aren’t? Uhhh I guess meerkats would count here? I think most people don't even know what they are. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. If given the opportunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? A paleontology one. Can you imagine all the fossils, educational exhibits, kids taking pictures with the fake dinos, etc. etc... Do you consider yourself a good cook? Nope. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm SURE this would be something with Mom. She doesn't care what the subject is, she's always right. What did you google last? The definition of a word. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics, so I could actually be a more effective member of society. What is the most annoying question you’ve been asked? I can't say, really. Are you a good listener? I TRY to be, but to be honest, I'm not the best because of how badly I lose my focus. Like you can talk to me and I'm making an effort to listen, but it just goes in one ear and out the other sometimes. Do you think you’re brave? No, honestly. What are you most grateful for in your life? My mom. I genuinely don't know where I'd be without her. What was the worst phase in your life? Late 2015-very early 2017. Would you like to explore another planet? No. Going to space seems like way too long of a trip.