#ch 97 a squeeze of the hand

[lysapadin]

As I sat there at my ease, cross-legged on the deck; after the bitter exertion at the windlass; under a blue tranquil sky; the ship under indolent sail, and gliding so serenely along; as I bathed my hands among those soft, gentle globules of infiltrated tissues, woven almost within the hour; as they richly broke to my fingers, and discharged all their opulence, like fully ripe grapes their wine; as I snuffed up that uncontaminated aroma,—literally and truly, like the smell of spring violets; I declare to you, that for the time I lived as in a musky meadow; I forgot all about our horrible oath; in that inexpressible sperm, I washed my hands and my heart of it; I almost began to credit the old Paracelsan superstition that sperm is of rare virtue in allaying the heat of anger; while bathing in that bath, I felt divinely free from all ill-will, or petulance, or malice, of any sort whatsoever.

Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,—Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.

Would that I could keep squeezing that sperm for ever! For now, since by many prolonged, repeated experiences, I have perceived that in all cases man must eventually lower, or at least shift, his conceit of attainable felicity; not placing it anywhere in the intellect or the fancy; but in the wife, the heart, the bed, the table, the saddle, the fireside, the country; now that I have perceived all this, I am ready to squeeze case eternally. In thoughts of the visions of the night, I saw long rows of angels in paradise, each with his hands in a jar of spermaceti.

[idontknowreallywhy]

Composition Ch 4 -

Poco a Poco Crescendo*

Previous part here

Or you can read the whole of this short thing here (tumblr) or here (ao3).

And yes, the song is written and may make an appearance later (I’m nervous - it’s harder to write simple things!!)

(*Getting gradually louder)

💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚

He still wasn’t talking. Occasionally it looked as though he wanted to but that flash of panic would cross his face and he’d press his lips together and gaze into the distance.

The doctors said it was just a matter of patience - of waiting for him to be ready. But they’d also said Virgil was ready to go home and they couldn’t have been more wrong about that so in all honesty he had stopped paying them much mind.

Virgil knew his brother could form words because he muttered… pleaded… screamed them in his sleep. Not in a language Virgil could readily understand… he’d borrowed Dad’s phone once when he had stepped out to have a discussion with the consultant and whispered the clearest and most common sound into the translation app - uciec - flee? But the rest were too jumbled and it didn’t recognise his attempts as words.

It was probably better not to know.

But the not knowing clawed at him. How could he help his brother recompose his melody when he didn’t recognise the darker notes in the harmonic line?

Step by step, that’s how. He clung to the faint note of hope that resided in his chest. He had to believe that when Scott started talking it would be ok, that they could work it out together.

But so far the best Virgil could get out of him was when he’d hum along a little as Virgil sang. Sometimes it would match what he was singing, other times not so much. The clearest was when he sang Mom’s lullaby - then the tune was clearly recognisable, if husky and faint.

It was three in the morning and Virgil had startled awake, heart pounding, as his brother shouted again in his sleep. Within seconds, a nurse was at the bedside checking his stats, flicking a small torch over his face. After presumably confirming all was well with the machines they paused for a moment to pat a now quietly slumbering Scott on the shoulder before making a swift exit.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Virgil tiptoed across the floor and settled himself in his usual chair by Scott’s right shoulder. Leaning forward on the fall rail, he hummed to calm himself as he made a cursory check of the various readouts. Mostly same as usual: Moderate fever, blood pressure uncomfortable but not too concerning, oxygen sats were ok. So much better than they had been at the start. The maddening beep of the pulse monitor had thankfully been shut off but the gleaming red number betrayed a rate edging on tachycardia. Again, as expected in the immediate aftermath of a nightmare. Which was… a lot of the time.

He watched as it began to tick downwards - 102, 101, 100, 99, 98, 97, 96… 92, 87, 86… it hadn’t been that low yet, he must finally be resting… 84, 82, 80, 79… Virgil’s own galloping heart rate slowed a little too. This was good. This had to be a good sign.

He turned and reached out a hand to stroke Scott’s hair and his heart jumped nearly from his chest as the glow of the monitor screen reflected eerily from the wide dark eyes gazing up at him.

“Hey Scotty.”

His right arm lifted a little and Virgil took his hand and squeezed it. Scott frowned a little as if concentrating and Virgil’s fingers were squished together, just a little, just for a moment.

“Love you too.”

It was hard to tell in the near darkness but there seemed something different in Scott’s wildly dilated eyes. A sense of intent in the tiny muscles surrounding them. As if right now he meant to be looking rather than staring passively.

Virgil did his best reassuring smile and maintained the eye contact as gently as he could. After a little while his brother seemed to sag, exhausted and let his eyes drift closed again. Another little hand squeeze which Virgil returned while brushing the sweaty strands of too long hair from Scott’s cheek.

“You want to get some kip now, Scotty…” the tiny shake of the head rejected the suggestion before Virgil had even finished asking “… or shall we sing a little bit first?” Another squeeze confirmed.

Virgil unlocked the safety rail and shuffled forwards to drape an arm across his big brother’s emaciated chest and rest his head on the overly angular shoulder. Ever so quietly he began to sing her song and relished the sound and feel of the faint hum of accompaniment vibrating in Scott’s throat.

They’d get there they’d get there they’d get there.

A trickle of wetness ran into his hair and he faltered, his throat closing before he could reach the end of the line. He swallowed hard to recover then realised Scott had finished it for him.

“… eee.”

So softly, barely audible but it was there. It was more than a hum it was a vowel sound. The RIGHT vowel sound.

Hardly daring to believe it, Virgil started again:

“You’ll soar through the…”

“… ‘ky”

“Or sail on the…”

“… eee”

“And when you get…”

“…. hhhohh…

“That’s where I shall…”

“.. eee”

Virgil wasn’t sure whether his emotions had stumbled out in the form of giggle or a sob, perhaps somewhere in-between. With a satisfied hum, Scott pressed his cheek into his head and the timid, hopeful note in Virgil’s heart swelled into a triumphant chord of determination.

They were going to go home. Together.

💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙

[jae-canikeepyou]

| marked | j.jh | ch. four

genre: superpower!au

a/n: yay jaehyun appeared in the last chapter :D hope you enjoy this one!

the walk from the hall to the classroom that specialises for absolutes like you, was a five minute one. outside the level of the snow added another layer, that each step you made, it would reach half of your calves. the sun was especially shining bright that it created little floating lights reflecting the flakes of snow.

jaehyun mentioned the core had three buildings; the hall, the classrooms and the dormitories. the hall where most gatherings were held, in fact, can transform into a gymnasium and a cafeteria. the classrooms meant traning grounds for each category.

you weren’t trying to open up too much about yourself to the core nor to anyone else. a brief information would do. and besides, you long forgotten the memories of your past. in precision, your childhood.

“so the core is like a protective building for people like us.” you began.

“you could say that. the closer we are to the core, our powers gets stronger. the farther, they’d drain, and we’ll get weaker.”

“the core is the source of our powers.” you hopped that you were in front of him.

“yep.” his lips popped. “since you had just arrived, your powers as an absolute will slowly come into surface. same thing happened with me.”

you nodded, which was why you could read the father’s mind back in the bar because you were close to the core. now that you were here, it had activated.

“here we are.” jaehyun swung his arm as if was touring. “gongchan said he’ll be a bit late. why not we train for a while?”

the room you were brought into was not something you had expected. the technology surprised you. it had holograms or projections of practice opponents. just that, the rest of the room empty. there weren’t specific weapons like you passed by in other classrooms. only a small booth at the right corner of the room where you assumed it was the controls.

“y/n, i’ll let you try the basic lessons. suit up.” he tossed the gear outfit for you to change into. once you’ve done that, jaehyun went into the booth, turning the light switch to dim. the rest of the room luminated in green lightrays.

you tied your hair onto a ponytail, preparing for what about to come next. you didn’t get to tie it though. the figures appeared all at once, they gained onto you with high speed in all of your four sides. they had weapons, leaving you at a disadvantage. the thing was, you knew their weaknesses just by looking at them once. in your view, each weakness points emitted in orange circles, they flickered as if they were asking you to strike them there. some opponents had theirs by the chests or the spine. most were by the arms or legs. your soles landed into the projections, but man they felt like actual human beings.

when a hit landed onto the target weakness spot, they disintegrated into cube pieces. even though they were created through projection and light rays, this seemed reality.

“uh jaehyun my hands are occupied?” you yelled, your hands were still on your hair, unable to tie it. the figures kept coming for you, and you had to kick them away.

“you’ll be fine.” he spoke through the microphone.

who knew how long you kept using your legs to battle your opponents? you didn’t because you were getting tired. after a few attempts into tying your hair, unfortunately you failed yet again. so you let your hair be. by now you were on your back, on the ground where the figure gave throws towards your face. the weight of it made you think your rib cage were about to break. you yelped in pain, sweat beads began to form when you took notice of the window next to you, a crowd formed again like in the hall.

you had no idea how long jaehyun intended to continue with your ‘basic lesson’, but this was too much. at the same time you didn’t want to be embarrassed not because you were new to the core, but because of their expectations towards an absolute. ugh this is ridiculous. the figure tried to choke you but you knew its weakness; the stomach. immediately you managed to flip them over and aimed for the stomach, marking the end of lesson.

you collapsed on the floor, exhausted. he door opened, revealing gongchan and two new faces. “the girl with absolute sight, y/n.” gongchan said with a smile on his face.

“they’re our seniors.” jaehyun said as he went out of the booth to give you a towel and bottle of water.

“hello.” you wiped your sweat before giving the tall guy a handshake.

“pleasure to meet you. i’m chanyeol. glad there’s a new person added to ‘team absolute’.” there was a little electricity as your skin touched his.

“i’m wheein.” she smiled and her dimples showed like jaehyun’s.

“she’s not my sister.” jaehyun chuckled in embarrassment. “the dimples might’ve given the wrong impression.”

you smiled though confused. it was brought to you that jaehyun was the only absolute, prior to your arrival. “i was told there are two absolutes in the core? but you’re all part of it too?”

“used to. we had absolute senses like you and jaehyun does. by the time we reached twenty-two, the power ceased to exist.” gongchan slid his hands in his pockets.

“no one knows the reason why. but we all accepted it. we’re left with super strength.” wheein said.

“so since there’s five of us, i assume you three are touch, taste and smell? we’re like ‘team face’ then.” you furrowed your brows.

laughs had build up. jaehyun giggled with his head tilted while the rest covered their mouths. you couldn’t help but laugh too since it did sound strange when repeated. chanyeol gestured the group to sit by the table. “i like your humour, y/n. but that in fact is not true.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

they brought up their past like it was yesterday. there used to be a lot more absolutes than you thought of. hundreds, or even thousands. they were the ones who founded the core until it was passed down to chanyeol’s care. the number of absolutes decreased one by one when the user reached the age twenty-two. the aura somehow changed. you weren’t sure whether it was the depth of the conversation or its possible dark history. you knew this was getting somewhere and it will be important.

“in the year 97’, the core was informed that there were newborns. there were many. but two of the newborns’ stories were the one who stood out: a boy and a girl, only a week apart from each other. both of their parents were absolutes.” wheein began, her voice chilled you down to the spine. “they were brought in for tests to see if the babies were healthy and gladly, they were.”

“at that time, the core had battles with the neighboring country. that country had planned to kill all absolutes, including their children, in fear that they were hard to remove from the society; and in fear that their children might be twice as strong than their parents. but what they don’t know was that being the offsprings of the absolutes doesn’t make them absolutes. top secrets of our country’s government were discovered and the plans to develop the country backfired because of the illegal partnership— all found out because of the absolutes. the government was divided into two factions, so a consensus was never made. because of the absolutes’ power, they knew everything.” chanyeol continued the story.

“so when it was revealed, the neighboring country infiltrated the core by using memory manipulation, messing up the memories of every core member. long story short, they killed all babies of absolutes.”

you flinched at the word ‘killed’, making you remember about your past. jaehyun felt the uneasiness you expressed, your hands shook. he grabbed your hand and squeezed it. conflicted in your thoughts, you couldn’t tell what jaehyun was thinking. his large hands assured you safety. you looked at him and he himself was uneasy too.

“going back to the acclaimed boy and girl newborns. what made them special was they were who have already died then brought back to life. only the two of them survived from the defibrillation.” gongchan said in a low tone, there was hope in the words but the aura remained the same.

“isn’t that great? i mean they have a second chance in life when others couldn’t make it.” you tried to lift the conversation to a good one.

“it is great, but it had an awful drawback. what made them different was they possess another power. a power we never expected.” wheein’s voice yet again chilled you. “if there’s a yin, there’s a yang. in this case, one baby possessed life inducement, while the other possessed death inducement.”

and there it was, the answer.

it wasn’t a curse.

it was a power you accidentally possessed.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

| marked — chapter four: revelation |

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[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Only For A Moment Ch. 30

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: For most of your life you’d been able to keep your abilities a secret, that is until Hydra got wind of you. After years of being in their clutches, you break out when The Avengers expose SHIELD/Hydra. Since then, you’ve been on the run. Things are going as well as you could hope when you see a familiar face… Could the Winter Soldier really be in Bucharest too?

Warnings: Feels that’s about it I think. 

A/N: Chapter. Fucking. THIRTY. How the hell?! Y’all fucking rock for all the love and support you give this series (and me). 

I honestly didn’t think the last chapter would go over so well because of the content but I was so wrong. I hope this one is kind of a salve even though it hurts in a different way (for me anyway). 

Also, I think I got my tags sorted but if I missed you please let me know! 

Tags are open!

“Bucky? Do you want me to leave?”

-

He stares forward, head once again thudding into the wall, “No,” his voice is heavy with emotion, “God help me, but no…” He covers his face with his left hand. Before continuing he takes a few shaky breaths, “But I want you to be safe.”

You groan, “You’re going to need to let that go if this is gonna work,” you say tone stern. “I am not, and will not be safe. I’m a liability, to myself and everyone around me in one way or another, just like you.” You attempt a light tone, "Unlike you I’ve been a liability my whole life… so…”  He looks at you now, a question on his face.

“My mom drilled it into my head that I wasn’t normal and that being a freak was dangerous. I needed to be fixed so I could be normal.” You stand and move beside him, “So, outside of the church no one was to know. Honestly, it was sheer luck one of them didn’t turn me in sooner. Even so, she knew, that people would want this and that put us at risk.”

“That’s not the same,” he sighs.

Leaning against the wall next to him you sigh, “Look, it could have just as easily been me riding out a flashback tonight. Hell, I’ve been having them since I was a teenager. I could attack you in my sleep and never know I’m doing it if the dream is bad enough and my power gets out of control.”

“But it wasn’t-“

Cutting him off you hold up a hand, “You got triggered today. That’s not your fault. I don’t know if it was just getting startled by Mr. Goldstein or everything from the weekend or both. I wasn’t right today either, not fully.” His right-hand slides to touch yours and you take it gently, not wanting to move his arm too much.

“I noticed. I thought of saying something but I just…” He tapers off.

“Same,” you sigh. “In our defense, we’ve only known each other for four days. I think we are allowed to not be perfect at communicating yet.”

He snorts, “Four days. Goddamn.”

“Tell me about it.” You look over at him, his eyes are tilted up to the sky.

“That was part of it,” he says, tone low. “I haven’t…” He looks at you, eyes glassy, “Even just having someone… close is… strange…” It’s like he can’t quite find the words to express this but he’s trying. His fingers squeeze yours a bit, “Not to mention…”

“Yeah.”

The edges of his mouth lift just a bit. “I didn’t expect it. Not that I don’t… Not that it’s…” You give his hand a light squeeze back to indicate you get it. “Just thought I could… I don’t know… do something decent.”

“You did.” He just shrugs, clearly disagreeing.  

His eyes are back on the sky, “Then I let him get the drop on me, I… can’t let my guard down like that. Not in public.”

“You were in a place you knew, you were comfortable yo-“

“Doesn’t matter.” His tone is no-nonsense, “There are too many people who could be, probably are, looking for me. A hell of a lot more than just Hydra.” You knew this, had even thought it when you’d seen him on Friday. “And if someone gets to me…” They could get to you.

You wish, desperately, that you were brave enough to not be terrified at the thought. Being taken in would be worse than anything… almost worse than anything. Looking at him the horrible notion of losing him crosses your mind. It makes your stomach turn.

A shudder shakes his whole body, “You have no clue the extent of what I’ve done, Y/N.”

This sits on you for a moment. He wasn’t wrong, you didn’t know, but there was plenty of blood on your hands too. “I’ve done things too, Bucky… don’t forget-“

He laughs bitterly, cutting you off, “Are you wanting to compare body counts? Because trust me Y/N, you don’t come close…” The look on his face is twisted, dark, hollow. You swallow hard.

“It wasn’t like you had a choice.”

“Again, doesn’t matter. People are shit at seeing grey areas… I’m not even sure if…” He shakes his head, “If they can take me, they will.” The vastness ‘they’ implies opens a black hole of dread sucking away at any words either of you has for a while.  

“I can’t let that happen… not yet,” he says, pulling you back. You’re about to ask what he means by that but he keeps going, “Then-“ his voice cracks and he clenches his jaw, eyes squeeze shut, you see a tear slide down his cheek.

Without hesitation you lean up and kiss it away, tasting the salt on your lips. Bucky, looks at you slowly, a sad smile on his face. Every part of you wants to stop talking about these things that hurt him but you know this is necessary. If there’s any chance at either of you being able to make it through this you had to be able to talk about these things… Talk through them.

“Then he mentioned the camps, he was just a kid, and…” He digs the fingers of his left hand into his thigh, trying to hold onto composure in any way he can. “It hit me then, really hit me. For the first time since…” Since he got out, are the unspoken words hanging in the air. “I’m 97 years old… Old enough to have fought a war when he was just a kid.

“I should be a wrinkled old man, or dead, fuck I should be dead multiple times over by now. But… no. He calls me kid.” Something between a laugh and a sob escapes him and he leans forward. You wrap your left arm around him, though he doesn’t lean into you.

“I… can’t imagine. But…” You reach for something that may seem like a comfort, “Bucky, for all you know he’s here today because you signed up to-“

Another loud bitter laugh shakes him and you pull your arm back. He looks at you, “I didn’t sign up for shit.” You look at him confused, pretty certain you had read that he’d enlisted.

He shakes his head and leans back, eyes up, on the sky, “Just another thing they got wrong.” Another laugh, “You think I’m some noble hero from a bygone era don’t you?” He doesn’t wait for a response, “That’s how they painted me anyway. Only Howler to give his life in combat like it was some great honor. Fuck.”  His fist presses into the indention from earlier and grinds into the cracked concrete.

“Death isn’t an honor.” He punches his fist into the spot again, “Death is why I didn’t enlist. People went into the army and fucking died. I had a family, sisters and my ma to look after. And Steve, Jesus… left to his own devices he would have gotten himself killed in weeks.” He huffs a half laugh, “Guess I should have given him more credit, he did something much stupider than dying.” You make a note to ask him what the hell that could mean later. “Punk,” he says under his breath.

“So… drafted…”

“Yeah, fucking drafted.” He sighs, “Realized I could shoot straight, stuck a rifle in my hand, and told me to kill the right people… Guess I’ve been stuck doing that in one way or another since 1942.”

And none of it was ever his choice… This combination of rage and heartbreak is familiar, you’ve felt it since you ran to Brooklyn and found your family decimated, now you feel it toward every single person who played a role in hurting this man.

He shrugs, “It all just…”

“Was too much,” you move a lock of hair behind his ear and he smiles a half smile without looking at you.

“Yeah.” He sits in silence for a minute.

When he turns to look at you his expression is haunted, “Then I… I dreamt…” His right-hand lifts, slowly, he grimaces at the movement, the joint still swollen and painful. He does it anyway and traces the scar on your left cheek. The easiest way to tell you what he was trapped in without having to say the words.

“Remember, that story isn’t all bad, Bucky.”

“Only the bad is what was playing on loop, though… even after I woke up. Seeing… hurting you… fuck.” You think he’s about to break entirely but he goes on. “And then there was… the time after…” When he choked you. “And… others.” He swallows hard. “Others I couldn’t… or didn’t care to help all right here,” he gestures around.

Voice shaking he continues, “And I…” His eyes close, jaw tight. He opens them again, some internal anger darkening them, “I am a monster, Y/N. You don’t deserve more monsters in your life.”

You can’t help but smile, “Bucky…” Shifting your position you lay your right hand over his heart and cup his face with your left, “My monster sees your monster. She’s not afraid. Neither am I.”

Tags:

@bluegirlusa1 @l0kisbitch @tazzi-baby @disagreetoagree @woodyandbuzz20-01 @mooniightbucky @saundrasays @breezy1415 @alyssaj23 @mywinterwolf @wonderlandmind4 @fairislesheets @anamcg317 @buckaroo-barness @jazztherebel @peachthatdrinkslemonade @regulusirius  @auskitty @katecolleen @handplucked @piensa-bonito @darkdragonphoenix @issanitydead @thestorydetective @buckysstar @wintersoldierswhore @greyeyedsmile14 @watchoutforfrostbite

[spacedimentio]

F:SC ch.3 - Prayer

A/N: This next one was requested by cat4139 – "In chapter 12, when Blue and Pink start talking about Yellow, Pink says 'You fell all over yourself when I called you.' I would love it if you could make a drabble on when Pink first calls Blue! I really love their relationship!"

- Blue Diamond receives a call.

Log date 16838 82 43 22:17

Message to: Pink Diamond

From: Blue Diamond

Subject: [No Subject]

Please come home soon. There’s much to be done.

The room was quiet with the hum of distant machinery. Her pearl stood silently by her throne, and past her screens, past all the reports and ever-building demands for her attention, the endless void of space loomed. The beauty and wonder of it had been lost to her long ago.

The ship floated aimlessly, its fingers limp. She had no destination, no goal.

Somewhere out there was Pink.

Blue tried to keep her gaze fixed on her work, but her eyes kept looking out to the stars. It had been only a couple decades since Pink left; those years blurred with the millennia of suffering that had come before them. At least now, she knew Pink would never be locked up and left alone again.

She had tried to follow, had wanted to bring her back and talk some sense into her, but Pink had made every effort to avoid her. So Blue watched from a distance, watched her make trips to their numerous colonies, all the while skirting around the Earth. She didn’t interfere, even when Pink stole things or troubled the resident gems. It was better to let her do as she wanted.

It was there, in the corner of the window; the planet that had caused them so much grief. It was gray, nearly cracked through. Yellow had abandoned it as soon as all of its resources had been harvested.

Blue tried to remember what it had looked like before and couldn’t.

Her pearl shifted her weight, creating an unobtrusive rustle of fabric. It was her way of reminding her that she had work to do. Blue looked at the tiny gem for a moment, trying to give a soft smile. The pearl turned her head slightly, her long silky bangs hiding her eyes as she stood at attention. Blue sighed, pulling the screens closer.

Letters and numbers flowed through her mind without being understood; her fingers made clumsy typos. Once again, her eyes were drawn to the Earth, and her thoughts to Pink.

With a frustrated huff, she closed out the screens and stared at the barren rock. She wondered and wondered and wondered, always thinking of Pink, never knowing why or how she had come to choose such a strange, irrational, illicit life.

She was aware of her pearl’s disapproval. The urge to talk to the only other gem in the room surfaced. Questions danced on her tongue, begging to be let out. She did nothing; there were no answers. A mere pearl would not know or understand. She could not even ask Yellow, who had no answers either. No one knew but Pink, and she held her silence.

On a whim, Blue opened a new message window. She wanted to pour out her feelings, let her thoughts free. Perhaps she should; perhaps she should send it to Pink alongside the others. Doubt halted her; would Pink even care? What if she bared her soul, begged and pleaded, and still got no response? She felt so very tired.

She typed something quickly, then sent it.

The pressure only increased.

Log date 16964 35 20 16:47

Message to: Pink Diamond

From: Blue Diamond

Subject: [No Subject]

Please come back. We need you. We can’t do this by ourselves.

Hushed, excited voices filled the kindergarten. Blue’s palanquin crawled forward at a leisurely pace. The diamond inside was supposed to be inspecting her surroundings and listening carefully to passing conversation, to find out if things were running as they were supposed to. Instead, she simply sat, staring through the small part in the curtains and waiting to arrive at her destination.

This colony had just been started a few centuries before White was shattered. Gems were beginning to emerge, and it was always important for them to see their diamond at least once. Blue tried not to think of what would happen when White failed to capture another planet; there wasn’t enough time to manage a new colony when they were struggling to do all of her work as it was.

The palanquin halted, and her pearl went outside, checking for danger and announcing her presence. Blue slowly got to her feet, feeling as if a great weight rested on her form. She drew her hood closer around her head, making it harder to see the drawn lines on her face. She stepped outside, standing tall though her shoulders wanted to slump.

A line of ten newly-formed lapis lazulis stood before her. A few saluted, while others were not as quick to catch on. They cowered, barely hiding their fear.

She peered at them closely, her mind switching gears with the reminder that she was powerful and awe-inspiring. She examined every part of them, had them turn around, searched their gems for imperfections. All were as they should be, within acceptable parameters.

All except the third lapis lazuli from the right.

The teardrop-shaped gem situated on her right shoulder was flecked with gold bands. The flaw showed on her form as splashes of yellow freckles on her bare skin. The lapis shifted, her face filled with terror.

Blue smoothly reached out and dissipated her, palming the gemstone. A lapis with imperfections like that would hardly be able to lift a small lake, let alone perform the terraforming required of her. She calmly gave her speech to the remaining lazulis, informing them of their purpose and inspiring them to take pride in it. She returned to her palanquin soon after, commanding the morganite in charge to give the new gems their assignments.

In the privacy of the palanquin, Blue looked at the gemstone, running a careful finger over the gold bands. She should shatter her and send her shards away to be used. Her hand closed, but she didn’t squeeze.

She knew Pink would have found nothing wrong with the lapis lazuli. She would have thought that the markings were beautiful, would have found something else for the gem to do if her powers were lacking. Off-color didn’t seem to be a term of importance to Pink.

A pale cerulean bubble formed around the gemstone. She passed the bubble down to her pearl to hold, ignoring the curious tilt of her head. She watched out of the corner of her eye as the pearl inspected the gemstone, gently turning the bubble this way and that. A small, fond smile tugged at her lips.

Log date 17057 97 56 00:52

Message to: Pink Diamond

From: Blue Diamond

Subject: [No Subject]

We miss you. I miss you. I just want to see you again.

She laid in bed, her eyes open. She didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to dream. She knew her pearl stood dutifully on the other side of the door, waiting to wake her in two hours time. Sooner, if she had a nightmare.

She knew she should get up; she was selfish for taking a break in the first place. She didn’t move, unable to muster up the energy.

There was too much. There was simply too much.

She had once thought that White had it easy, that her and Yellow did the real grunt work. White’s sheer presence had seemed to scare away the notion that you could ask her for anything. Now, the messages piled up, the façade that she was still around slowly crumbling.

Guilt weighed heavily on her. The extra work should have been divided evenly between the two of them, but as always, Yellow was doing more, wanting to give Blue room to wallow in her feelings.

It was hard to act like nothing had happened. They had yet to reassign White’s gems to their courts; doing so would be admitting that the supreme ruler of Homeworld had fallen. The temptation to shatter everyone who dared question them about White was there.

Instead, they dodged the questions, asserting their presence as strongly as they could, trying to keep things in order. It was like she had told Pink so long ago; just smile and wave, pretend everything was fine, and things would fall into place.

Blue wished Pink would come back. Blue wished she would take up some of the burden, enough for them to stand without a crushing weight on their shoulders, but she knew Pink had sworn never to step foot on Homeworld again.

She remembered the way Pink’s aura had washed over her, blazing so fiercely that it had forced her to her knees. It had been an overwhelming surge of hate, and pain, and grief, with love under it all, so sharp and biting that it had taken away her breath.

She remembered days long gone, where she had patiently tried to teach Pink how to use her aura, how to control her emotions and use them against her enemies. Pink had never gotten the hang of it, not until that day in White Diamond’s throne room. Blue had never wanted her to learn that way, had never wanted her to feel such awful things.

“Someday, I hope you’ll understand exactly what you took from me,” she had said, so small with her wild curls of hair and cold determination on her face. There had never been a diamond so terrible as the one who promised to destroy her sisters, should they interfere.

Blue was afraid, knowing that Pink wouldn’t hesitate to follow through. She had seen the promise glinting in her sister’s mismatched eyes. Blue didn’t think she would ever see her again.

As always, her thoughts turned in helpless circles. She never stopped thinking of Pink. She never stopped wondering what they could have done, how they could have prevented this. She wanted nothing more than to understand.

As always, there were no answers.

Her pearl stepped into the room. She despaired; two hours gone already?

She tried to move, shifted to get up. After a moment, her pearl delicately took one of her fingers in her petite hands, not pulling so much as encouraging.

Blue finally managed to stand, trudging toward her control room with her pearl following after her. Mountains of work awaited her, made all the larger by her restless break.

Log date 17158 83 19 09:34

Message to: Pink Diamond

From: Blue Diamond

Subject: [No Subject]

Please talk to me. Please.

Log date 17193 74 40 19:27

Message to: Blue Diamond

From: Yellow Diamond

Subject: 172nd Centennial Ball

Blue, we need to start planning for the next centennial ball. The last one was a complete disaster; we need to do better this time if we’re to divert suspicion. Our gems need a good boost to their morale.

Meet me next week on Rama 3, we’ll be holding it there. I’ve already drawn up plans but I need you to organize the entertainment.

Blue waited patiently for Yellow to arrive, fond thoughts warming her chest. It was so hard these days to find time to see each other; she hoped to talk about more than the upcoming ball.

She didn’t have long to wait; Yellow was as punctual as always. Blue held herself together through the exchange of formal greetings, until finally, all other gems besides their pearls were dismissed, and they could be alone.

Blue stepped closer, and Yellow met her gaze. Blue pressed her cheek against the side of Yellow’s neck, sighing as strong arms wrapped securely around her. They both relished the contact, and the closeness of the gemstones resting in their chests.

They parted after a long moment, and spent a moment more just looking at one another. Yellow moved first, sitting in her throne and pulling up her plans for the centennial ball. Blue stood to the side, looking over her shoulder.

The plans seemed sound. It had been hard to come up with ideas for the entertainment when it felt as if there was nothing to celebrate, but she had managed. A few minor tweaks, and it was done within the hour. They fell silent, sending off commands and commissions to all the necessary gems.

When Yellow stood to leave, Blue hastily caught her by the arm. “Yellow, wait! You’re going already?”

Yellow looked at her sternly. “I have work to do, Blue. I can’t stay.”

“Please? Just rest for a little while,” Blue pled, knowing she looked pitiful.

Yellow tsked, her lip curling. She pulled away from Blue’s grasp. “No, Blue. I can’t afford to take breaks.”

The unspoken words cut into her; neither can you.

Blue turned away, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. Her cheek was captured by a hand; Yellow gently tilted her face towards her.

“This is Pink’s fault,” she said, anger glimmering in her golden eyes. “None of this would have happened if she had just behaved.”

“Is it?” Blue whispered, pressing her fingers over Yellow’s. “I think it’s our fault, too…”

“There’s nothing we can do about it now.” Yellow lowered her hand, twining their fingers together. “Pink is…different. Perhaps we would have broken her if we’d forced her to change.”

Blue nodded, leaning into Yellow once more. “I can never stop thinking about her… I try to call, I message her, but she never responds.”

“Maybe you should stop trying and leave her alone, then.” She rested her chin on the top of Blue’s head.

“I just want to know if she’s happy, Yellow… I want to know she’s okay…”

Yellow agreed silently, placing a soft kiss to Blue’s hair. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Yellow pulled away again. “I really do have to go, Blue…”

“I know…” She lowered her gaze, then looked up again. “One more thing?”

Yellow rolled her eyes and smiled a little. “What?”

“Pearl, come here.” Her pearl stepped forward. “Show her.”

The pearl bowed and removed a few bubbled gems from her gemstone; a bismuth with rounded corners, a lapis lazuli flecked with gold, an agate with the wrong cut.

Yellow’s brow furrowed. “They’re defective. Why are they still intact?”

“I had an idea…” Blue hesitated, almost shy. “I wanted to give them to Pink…if we ever see her again.”

“Blue…”

“You know she would want them, Yellow… I don’t know why.” She shook her head, chuckling bitterly. “She always sees things that we don’t.”

Yellow sighed, using her thumb to wipe away an escaping tear from Blue’s face. “So what do you want me to do?”

She smiled warmly. “Save them for her, any off-colors you find. They’ll be a gift.”

“…Very well. I’ll send them to you.”

“Thank you.” Blue captured Yellow’s hand, kissing the back of it in gratitude. “I’ll tell her they’re from you, too.”

Yellow’s expression faltered before growing fond. Then it fell again. “I have to go. I was supposed to be on Omia Prime by now.”

Their hands came apart, lingering. Yellow looked back over her shoulder, her pearl trailing at her feet. “Goodbye, Blue.”

“Goodbye...” Blue watched her disappear through the doorway, alone with the weight of everything once more.

Log date 17302 67 34 12:02

Message to: Pink Diamond

From: Blue Diamond

Subject: [No Subject]

I’m sorry.

She was organizing her messages when the call came.

She answered it without looking, assuming it was Yellow and keeping her eyes on her reports in an effort to look busy.

“…Blue?” called a warm, resonant voice. A voice she had not heard in centuries.

Blue gasped, realizing the window was pink, not yellow.

And there she was. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the jagged lines cutting across her face; a stark reminder of how things had changed.

“P-Pink!” Blue hurriedly slammed her hand down on the arm of her throne, turning off the other screens and causing the window to flicker. She abruptly got to her feet, as if she could leap through the transmission to embrace her sister.

Pink’s expression held amusement, though she was stiff and half-turned away. For a brief second, Blue was afraid she had called on accident.

“I’m ready to talk…” Pink said softly.

“Please, whatever you want!” Blue leaned closer, a note of pleading in her voice.

The corner of the young diamond’s lips rose for a moment. “Easy, Blue. I want to meet in person, alright? Just the two of us. I’ll send you the coordinates and the date.” She looked to the side, typing something.

Blue pulled up a screen, seeing a new message pop into her inbox. She didn’t recognize the planet; it was outside of gem-controlled territory. “Thank you, Pink… Thank you.”

Pink nodded. There were lines under her eyes, her gaze cautious. “I’ll see you there.” She hung up.

Blue slumped back into her throne; it was almost like Pink had slipped through her fingers, like she had only been a daydream. Nevertheless, relief washed through her, leaving her shaking.

She had never dared to truly hope; always, in her dreams, Pink scorned her, her scathing voice trilling out that she was useless and stupid and weak. She sent off an excited message to Yellow, anxiety waxing within her.

“Get them ready,” she told her pearl.

The pearl met her with a bright smile, nodding. “Yes, My Diamond.”

Blue couldn’t help but smile too. There was a lot to be done in preparation of their meeting. Right now, nothing else was so important.

A/N: Nobody knows how Peridot’s log dates work for sure, so I just put random numbers pretty much; the strings of 5 numbers are intended to be the year. Those are far from all the messages Blue sent over the years. 

I can’t ever seem to stick solely to the prompt, can I. I said it had “great potential for humor” and it wasn’t funny at all :’D. When I sat down and thought through the actual scenario, I realized that their conversation would have to short and serious; their first real conversation happens at their meeting. Oh well.

[FIRST - PREVIOUS - INDEX - NEXT - Fractures ch.1]

[thatbluegibson]

CH 97

Liz watched Dave and her father closely over the top of her red cup as they discussed some DC punk show they had both been at in back in the late eighties while her mother hovered around behind her with Jack and Owen, sneaking them cookies and whatever else she could find from the catering tables before settling them on a blanket in the grass at Liz's feet. She startled a little when Dave's laugh boomed across the tent but settled back in her chair more relaxed than she had been in hours.

Jack had handled the official introductions back on the bus, turning what was potentially an awkward moment into something light-hearted and funny in the way only a seven-year-old could do. And Owen, for his part, clung to Dave like a security blanket, insisting on being picked up and nestling his face into Dave's shoulder the moment he was in his arms. Both boys were enamored with Dave and that apparently erased any hesitations her parents may have had, though a nagging worry still lurked about in the back of Liz's mind. Steve bonded with Dave instantly, just as Liz had hoped, but her mother was more reserved, opting to shake his hand and scrutinize him from a distance before fully welcoming him with open arms.

"How are you, dear?" Nancy sighed and folded herself into the chair next to her daughter.

"Good," Liz replied, keeping her eyes on Dave in case he needed an escape. "How was your flight?" She looked away when her mother didn't immediately answer and was met with a bemused smirk.

"He didn't tell you, did he?"

"Tell me what?" Liz slowly shook her head, wondering what the hell was going on. Travis usually handled all of the travel details and would have let her know if something had gone amiss...

"Oh, darling," her mother clucked her tongue with a knowing smile. "Dave went all out. Private jet for your father and I and another tomorrow for Will, Meghan and the rest. Rented us a house near Disney so we can take all the kids... he and your father were back and forth on the phone most of last week with the details. Doesn't he have an assistant that does all that for him?"

Liz's chest felt like it was collapsing. He had been so busy with last minute festival issues, when the hell did he have time to put all this together? And without her knowing? "I think his manager? But... I didn't know he was doing all that. I just thought..."

"Yes, I was a bit concerned myself," Nancy's gaze drifted towards Dave, then leaned in closer to her daughter. "Are you pregnant?" she whispered urgently. "Did he get you in some kind of trouble? Because I don't care who the hell he is, Nicole Elizabeth. I can get you out of anything, no questions asked."

"No...," Liz shook her head, trying to catch her breath. She hadn't heard her real name in so long that it felt foreign like it belonged to a completely different person. "No, none of those things, Mom."

"You're sure you're not pregnant? When was your last period?" her mother pressed on, blatantly examining Liz's belly hidden under her loose tank top.

"Mom, stop," Liz whined and looked up at Dave just as he glanced back at her. "I'm not pregnant." Even as she whispered it, she automatically went over her calendar in her mind before she remembered the IUD she had placed after Owen was born.

"I'm just saying, dear. If you're planning on having his baby, you better do it now. He's almost fifty, for Pete's sake!"

"So? Mick Jagger has a son younger than Owen!" Liz let out a frustrated sigh, unwilling to even entertain the idea of having Dave's children, especially not while he was less than fifteen feet away. "We're not having any more kids, Mom. We have plenty between us." She was about to update her on the potential surrogacy for Allison and Taylor, but her mother was already way past that.

"But you two are practicing, right? He doesn't need any help in that department?"

"Mom!" Liz gasped so loudly that both her father and Dave spun around.

She giggled and shook her head, unable to keep from teasing her daughter. "All right, fine. As long as he makes you happy, dear."

"Yeah," Liz rubbed her temple a bit, still trying to reconcile what Dave had done for her family. "He really does, Mama."

"Well thank goodness for that," she sighed and readjusted the headphones on Jack's ears to ensure he wasn't listening in. "These two wouldn't stop talking about him the entire trip from Anaheim! Seems like they really love him."

Liz just smiled, her eyes shifting back to Dave. The boys really did adore him and she just hoped they would get along with Violet, Harper, and Ophelia as well.

"They haven't once mentioned their father," Nancy added quietly.

"No kids allowed in the facility," Liz muttered. She hated thinking about it, but Kyle kept breaking the rules at rehab and losing visiting privileges, though from what Travis was telling her wasn't such a bad thing. Recovery had been rough on Kyle and he wasn't looking or acting the way the boys would remember anyway.

More laughter from Dave and her father brought her back to the present and she realized her mother was staring hard at her. "And what's the deal with his ex? Do they still speak?"

"Yeah," Liz stared her down to ensure her mother knew she was perfectly serious. "She's really cool, Mom."

"It doesn't seem just a little too... perfect?"

"Well... it does, but until something catastrophic happens," Again, she thought to herself. "I'm going to just thank my lucky stars."

Nancy chuckled again and shook her head. "You are a lucky star, Nicole."

She just shrugged, uncomfortable under her mother's stare when Dave's hand brushed her shoulder.

"I have to go say hi to Billy. You need anything?"

"No," she smiled up at him and covered his hand with her own when he bent to kiss her. "I'll hassle River if we do, though."

"Good luck with that," he rolled his eyes and tapped the walkie-talkie still clipped to her shorts. "I'm on channel six if you need me, but I'll see you at the stage in a bit. Love you."

"Love you, too," she replied quietly, the feel of her parent's eyes on them just a bit too intense. "Have fun."

*

"You're right, he is normal," Steve mused as he and Liz slowly made their way towards the main stage where Billy Idol was being introduced.

Liz smiled and squeezed her father's arm, her heart swelling with how well her two favorite men were getting along.

"It's funny," Steve went on. "I feel like I've known him forever."

"He's very good at making people feel at ease," Liz explained. "It makes him nervous when people act like he's some god."

Steve chuckled a little, then as they rounded the last backstage tent cut straight to the point. "Do you love him?" he asked bluntly, stopping both of them short in the shadow of the looming stage.

"Of course I love him," Liz said quietly, but firmly. "I wouldn't get the boys involved if this were... not..." she trailed off, thinking about how she had felt back in Oregon, how impractical and implausible her and Dave seemed back then.

"Sunshine," he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his thumb, the way he always did when he was working up to an uncomfortable subject. "Dave is great. He's really... he's a great guy, but..."

Liz felt her heart plummet. "But what?"

"Why the private plane? Why all the rock star perks? Are you two about to drop some bomb on me? Because if you are... honey, I'd prefer to hear it from you now. I promise I'll act surprised later when-"

"No," Liz threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Daddy, he just wants you to have a good time."

"So... no baby?"

Liz couldn't help it, she laughed at how disappointed he looked. "Nope. No baby."

His arms tight around her and his cheek pressed into the top of her head made her feel like crying, she had missed him so much.

"Just don't let him hurt you like the last one did," he whispered into her hair. "Okay?"

Liz only nodded, knowing there wasn't much more she could say. She was sure her dad knew all about Dave's past, he had followed enough of his career to at least stumble on one or two articles outlining his divorces, but she knew he would give him a pass if his daughter really wanted him to. "He's not Kyle, Daddy," she sighed into his shoulder, ready to change the subject.

Steve chuckled a bit and let her go, continuing down their path towards the stage. "No, darling, he most definitely is not."

*

A few hours later she was standing with Ally and Josie just off the side of stage left, watching Billy Idol sneer through his set. Her parents had retreated back to their own bus to get dinner for the boys and rest from their day of travel, promising they would join Liz and Dave first thing in the morning so all the kids could meet at breakfast.

Dave stood closer to the stage with Josh and a couple other guys Liz didn't recognize, and she found herself far more interested in him than whatever it was Billy was doing. Biting the straws in her drink, she took the opportunity of a dark backstage spot to just stare. He was just so goddamn handsome... and funny, sweet, thoughtful... and hers. She giggled to herself, lost in the wonderment of how fucking lucky she was that he put up with her when she realized he was staring back at her. A slow grin spread across his face and she gripped the surplus crowd rail at her side to steady herself. Busted. Her eyes darted to her drink in embarrassment and she frowned when she was met with just a couple drops chasing each other in the bottom of her empty cup. How she had managed to polish off an entire rum and coke in record time was a mystery, but with her eyes back on Dave she was suddenly feeling the effects.

He made some excuse to Josh, who turned to give her a toothy grin, then gave one last look at the stage before stalking towards her. He gripped his drink and hopped off the riser, still watching her intently before leaning his elbows on the rail to bring himself just inches from her. Now that he was closer, she could see that he was just as tipsy as she was.

A slight delay began in Liz's mind; what was playing out before her at that moment promptly followed by the very first time they met back in the freezing rain of Seattle.

"Hey," he grinned at her, then the delayed memory of a younger Dave, a 2003 Dave: ... Hey.

"Would you like to come watch with me?" Would you like me to sign that for you?

"Oh... yeah. Please," she cracked a smile, knowing her answers were the same as they were back in 2003 but didn't let him in on what was playing inside her mind.

He watched her a moment, trying to figure out what she was up to before straightening off the rail. "That's a shame," he muttered, looking down at their hands side by side on the bar.

"What is?"

"That you don't have a ring on your finger."

The rum sloshed in her blood and she tilted her head, knowing that there was some significance to what he was saying, but she was still too deep in the memory of Seattle. "You don't have one either..."

His eyes snapped to hers and they stared each other down, the gravity of what they were saying slowly settling around them like the desert dust. She told herself to keep a neutral expression, but her eyebrow raised in a challenge and his jaw dropped to say something, just as Taylor bounded up and landed square on Dave's back.

"Dance party!"

*

Liz stuck close to Allison at the backstage VIP bar, both of them laughing over a story about some prank Dave and Taylor had pulled on the Royal Blood guys the year before. Josie and Rami were to her left, making out like teenagers while Dave and Taylor were on her right with Chris, Nate and several other musicians, deep in some discussion about studio layouts.

She had walked back from the stage with her hand firmly woven with Dave's, but they hadn't said a word to each other since the rail. The air between them didn't feel tense and every time she would look over to him he would give her that questioning glance, You okay? to which she would smile back, wishing they could just stand a bit closer. The rum was beginning to fade and in its place, a nagging worry that maybe they had moved too fast and made things thorny with even the facetious talk of rings.

"You okay?"

His voice close to her ear surprised her, but she sunk into his side all the same. "Just a little cold," she admitted, looking up into his worried stare. "I'm not used to the desert."

There was a hand on her lower back and then he was gone, leaving her standing there with a frown and a pit in her stomach thinking that maybe things would be weird now, just when they were getting back on track.

Turning back to Ally, she focused on the story of Dave and Taylor filling someone's tour bus with pink balloons and glitter when a soft fabric landed around her shoulders followed by his arms. She wasn't sure if it was the waning effects of the alcohol, everything that had happened that day or just... him, but she had to swallow back her tears as she looked down at his red and black flannel shirt.

"Better?" he asked, squeezing her shoulders tightly.

"Yes, thank you," she kept her eyes downcast fearing a full waterworks display but reached up to touch his cheek.

"Good. Let's get you a drink."

He stood close beside her with an arm around her back as their drinks were poured, though his attention returned to Taylor as he explained the acoustics of their old basement studio in Virginia while Liz went back to laughing with Ally. She felt more at ease now that they were sharing the same square foot of patchy grass and internally rolled her eyes at herself for being so needy all of a sudden.

"Cheers," Dave said quietly, tapping his cup against hers. "We okay?"

"We're good," she tried to smile through her drink, but the bite was so strong that she grimaced. "Whoa. You trying to get me drunk, Grohl?"

His slow smile reappeared as he turned his back on Taylor and the others in favor of angling into her. "Maybe," he murmured against her lips, chuckling when she responded with a shiver.

She kissed him back, savoring the feel of his palm against her cheek and the scratch of his beard on her chin when Josh elbowed through the crowd around them, his face already tinged red with booze. "Dr. G! Iggy's here!"

"Don't care," Dave muttered, dragging his lips up her jaw to her ear.

"Come on, man!" Josh whined, shoving Dave's shoulder a bit to break him away and Liz laughed when he grunted in anger.

She forced herself to step back, but he moved with her, unwilling to let her go unless she made him. "Just bring him back in one piece," she told Josh as he threw Dave's arm around his tall shoulders.

"Come with me," Dave purred in her ear, holding her against him by the back of her neck with his free hand as a last ditch effort.

"No!" she giggled. "Ally and I are gonna stay here and drink all your booze, then we're gonna go make complete asses of ourselves on that dance floor. You," she turned her face just enough that her lips grazed his cheek, "have to work."

She kissed him and waved as Josh dragged him away, then threw back the rest of her drink once they were absorbed into the crowd.

With Dave's shirt hanging loosely around her and the alcohol in her bloodstream now refueled, Liz, Ally, and Josie danced and sang along with the other party goers on the dusty dance floor and Liz was thankful for a moment where she could let go and not care who was watching her every move. Dave had successfully created a backstage where there were no prying eyes or cameras, just friends having a hell of a good time in the middle of the desert.

She had lost track of time, dancing with Josie to her favorite ABBA song when the smirk on her friend's face let her know that Dave was sneaking up on her. His hands landed on her hips and her back flattened against his chest as he moved with her to the music.

"I didn't think you danced, David," she reached back and put her arm around his neck, pulling him down so she could speak over the music.

"Oh, I dance, Elizabeth," he said lowly, spreading his hands along her rib cage as ABBA faded into Arctic Monkeys.

He moved her hips against his to the deep bassline of the song, Have you got color in your cheeks?

Josie whooped her approval when Dave spun Liz around to face him and danced her way to Rami sitting in a drunken haze just off the dance floor. Thrilled that they were now relatively alone, Liz met Dave's kiss halfway, Have you no idea that you're in deep?

She was overwhelmed with him, his forehead pressed against hers, his hair hanging like a curtain around their faces, his hands coasting along her back from her shoulders to her hips, the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and peppermint gum, and the way he tasted... 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow...

"This song... it's exactly how I felt about you the night we met," he breathed, searching her eyes for any reaction.

I'm sorry to interrupt, it's just that I'm constantly On the cusp of trying to kiss you I don't know if you feel the same as I do But we could be together, if you wanted to...

She knew the song by heart, could play it on bass, guitar, and drums if she wanted, and up until that moment was fairly indifferent to the lyrics, but now...

Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for someone new...

She dragged him back to her, kissing him deeply and slowly running her tongue along his lower lip until he groaned in agony. "Fuck," he whimpered, "If I don't get you alone in the next five minutes, I will fucking die."

There was a fleeting, matched smile between them before they both took off at a hurried pace, managing to clear the wall of the tent when a loud, warbling version of his name drifted after them.

"No!" Dave yelled back and without hesitation, lunged forward to tip Liz over his shoulder, swatting her ass with his palm when she squealed. "I just want ten fucking minutes with you without being-"

"Young Master David!"

Liz craned her neck to see a man comically running in their direction, then laughed even harder when Dave sped up, pretending he didn't hear him. She was wheezing by the time the man caught up with them and Dave spun to face him, leaving Liz draped over his shoulder with her ass in the air.

"Hey, man," Dave said casually.

"Sup, dude," came the man's reply and Liz wiggled a bit in an effort to see who it was, but Dave's hand tightened around her thigh to keep her still. "I just need my girlfriend for a couple minutes."

"I told you earlier that I get her tonight and you get her tomorrow," Dave replied and Liz shifted again when she heard the smile in his voice.

Girlfriend? What the fuck? she thought, then yelped in surprise when Dave rolled her off his shoulder. She stood in a daze at the sudden movement, then looked over her shoulder to Jack Black, who was grinning wildly at her.

"... hello," she said quietly, her eyes darting from Dave to Jack in confusion. Knowing by the look on Dave's face that he would remain infuriatingly silent, she held her hand out to Jack and plastered on a smile.

"Oh, come on," Jack scoffed and dove towards her, wrapping her in a quick, but stifling hug as Dave chuckled and shook his head. "If we're gonna be lovers, we gotta love, baby!"

Liz stared blankly at him, wondering if she was in the middle of one of those elaborate pranks Allison had told her about. "... we're what now?"

Jack let her suffer a few more moments before breaking. "I signed on to the movie you're doing with Murray," he explained. "As your hapless boyfriend."

Her heart picked up speed as she went through the cast list in her mind. "No way," she whispered. Acting opposite Jack would be an absolute dream and his name added star power to their roster. "No fucking way!" she excitedly bounced on her toes and threw her arms back around him, laughing when he copied her giddiness.

"It's gonna be so fucking rad," he gushed. "Murray asked me personally, so my mind was obviously fucking blown and then he said you were on board and I thought, well fuck! That means Dr. G's gonna be on set!"

"Oh my god, I'm so glad we met tonight!" Liz said, back to bouncing on her toes. "Let's go get a drink so we can talk."

"Right on," Jack gave an exaggerated nod and offered his arm to Liz. "This way, my love," he crooned as she slipped her arm through his and he aimed her back towards the party tent.

"Wait..., what?"

Liz heard Dave whimper from behind them and waved him off. "I have to work, honey! I'll meet up with you in a bit!"

Jack threw his head back in a cackle making Liz giggle and she felt, for the very first time since she had become an actress, truly excited to start filming.

*

For the second time that night, Liz completely lost track of time talking to Jack. She had laughed so hard that her sides were aching and her throat was raw, but there seemed to be no end to the energy and exuberance in her future co-star until Josh sidled up and dragged her under his arm.

"Hey, doll. Your man's about to get cut off."

"Oh, Dr. G," Jack said solemnly and shook his head. "Welp, my love. If I don't see you tomorrow, I'll see you at work!"

Liz hugged him goodbye, a little concerned that Josh wasn't letting her go and let him lead her up to the bar. "What's going on?" she asked over the music, concerned that she couldn't see Dave anywhere.

Josh picked the orange garnish out of his drink and bit it, nodding his head to a point behind Liz with no trace of humor on his usually cheery face. She spun around and scanned the thick crowd at the bar, finally catching a glimpse of Dave's shirt next to a woman in a pink cardigan and pearls.

"Shit," she hissed and darted forward, unsuccessfully trying to pick her way through the crowd when she spotted her only opening. Dropping to the dirt, she crawled on her hands and knees under the bar, keeping as close as she could to the kickplate until Dave's Vans were in front of her.

"Hey!" she chirped cheerfully as she popped up between Dave's knees and steadied herself on his shoulders. He swayed dangerously on his bar stool, sloshing whiskey out of his shot glass and blinked at her in surprise.

"Oh great," her mother grumbled sarcastically. "The fun police is here." She handed her daughter a full shot glass then went to pour another while Liz steadied Dave.

"Oh, babe," she cooed sympathetically and gently took the shot from his hand to place it back on the bar. "You ready to head back?"

He looked around in confusion with glassy eyes. "Where'd you come from?"

Nancy leaned back in with a wide smile, the pearls Liz had given her for Mother's Day swinging around her neck, "You see, when a man and a woman get really drunk at CalJam-"

"Mom! Stop. You've done enough," Liz scolded and tossed Dave's arm around her to help him stand. "We're gonna go back. Please don't give anyone alcohol poisoning tonight, okay?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart," she grinned and tipped back both Liz and Dave's discarded shots with ease, then headed straight for a table containing Iggy Pop, Pat, and several other musicians. Liz just barely caught the surprised look of recognition on Iggy's face when he saw her mother before the crowd closed around them.

"Can you walk?" Liz asked Dave quietly and checked his pockets for the keys to their bus.

"Yeah," he nodded, but didn't move forward. "Gimme a second to remember how to do it though."

"You pick up one foot and then-"

"Yeah okay, smartass," he laughed at her and she wondered if he was remembering that night in Oregon like she was.

They wove through the crowd and ducked out of the tent, pausing a moment to breathe in the cool desert air, a welcome change from the hot, humid party tent behind them. She kept her arm tight around his waist as they headed for their home for the night, both of them giggling when they stumbled a bit over the uneven ground.

Josh's voice calling over the music made Liz look back just as they reached the first line of tour buses. "Hey! You need help, doll?"

"Um...," she giggled a little when Dave let her go and wandered off in a curved line towards the wrong bus. "Yes, please!"

Josh took off after Dave while Liz unlocked their bus and began to gather water out of the fridge and various bottles of painkillers, all the while cursing her mother. Nancy could drink any one of those rock stars under the table and it appeared she had literally done so with Dave, but Liz wasn't as concerned about that as she was her mother's motives. More than once, Kyle had been liquored up then interrogated relentlessly and Liz often wondered if her mother should have been a cop rather than a high school English teacher. Waiting in the driver's seat with a bottle of water and a fist full of ibuprofen, Liz tried to compile a list of potential questions Dave had been subjected to when Josh appeared at the bottom of the steps with him slumped over his shoulder. "Oh shit. Did he pass out?"

"No...," Dave groaned, his voice muffled by Josh's shirt.

"You're gonna want to hose him off before you let him into bed, doll," Josh warned and carried Dave up the steps past her.

"Did you hurl, David?" Liz teased and began to pull towels out of the cabinets while Josh not so gently set him down on the leather couch.

"Yeah," Josh chuckled, "I think he got it all out though."

"Charming," Liz muttered, now completely irritated with her mother. She knew Dave had a show tomorrow and she still got him wasted. "Do you think we should feed him?"

"Yes," Dave moaned pitifully and rolled his face into the back of the couch.

Liz glanced up at Josh as his hand clapped over her shoulder. "Hose him off, I'll go get food."

She smiled her thanks and gave him the key, making sure the door to the bus was shut tight behind him before returning to Dave and throwing her leg over his hips. He grunted under her weight and slid his hands up her bare thighs to the hem of her shorts, but didn't open his eyes when she started to unbutton his shirt.

"Stop it, lady," he slurred, making no effort to shove her off. "You're cute and all, but I have a girlfriend and she's hot."

Liz laughed and moved to his jeans, struggling a little with his belt buckle. "What, that actress?" she scoffed. "I hear she's mean."

"Yeah, super mean. I really like her though," he grinned, opening one eye to peek at her. "I think she's the one."

"Oh yeah?" Liz slid off of him to yank off his shoes and jeans, leaving him in just his boxers and unbuttoned flannel. "You really want to hitch your wagon to that nightmare?"

"Excuse me," Dave laughed a bit when she pulled him upright. "She would say shit show."

"You're right, she would," Liz gently pushed him towards the bathroom, then propped him against the wall of cabinets so she could start the water and grab his toothbrush. "'Kay, Dr. Drunk or whatever it is your friends call you, get in."

"My girlfriend calls me David," he muttered and did what he was told, slumping against the shower wall with his face in the cascading water to start brushing the taste of Crown Royal out of his mouth. "Get in with me."

She sighed loudly at his pleading face and grabbed another towel while shrugging out of his flannel shirt.

"I like that you call me David," he said softly, watching her from the shower.

She didn't answer, just stripped out of the rest of her clothes and closed the door behind them, ducking under the water to face him.

"Your mom got me so drunk," he groaned miserably and leaned his forehead into the cool wall of the shower.

"Yeah, she does that," Liz frowned and combed his hair back with her fingers. "Sit so I can get the whiskey out of your hair."

He dropped to his knees in front of her and held her hips for balance as she gently scrubbed her shampoo through his hair.

"I'm gonna smell so fucking pretty tomorrow," he chuckled.

"We'll find you a nice stick to beat the boys back with," she smiled and spent an extra five minutes just dragging her nails along his scalp and neck, knowing he had a hell of a long day and would probably suffer through another one tomorrow, complete with a hangover thanks to her mother.

"Feels good," he murmured, leaning into her touch.

"Head back," she instructed, switching the shower head to the handheld so she could rinse out the suds. With the water now directed off his face, he began to watch her so intensely that she shivered.

"Your mom said she lost a bet," his voice strained with his throat stretched back, but he never took his eyes off her.

"Oh yeah?" Liz turned her attention to the bottles lined on the shelf next to her, wondering if he'd let her use conditioner.

"She owes your dad a hundred bucks cause I didn't get you pregnant."

Liz's heart picked up speed and she snatched the conditioner bottle off the shelf to examine closer. "Yeah, well... it wasn't for a lack of effort on our part. Thank god for modern science, I guess."

Dave ran his thumbs along the ridge of her hip bones, softly kissing the skin between her Freya tattoo and her navel. "Might be fun...," he whispered so quietly that Liz thought maybe she wasn't supposed to hear it.

With her heart pounding loudly in her ears and her hands shaking, she violently shook the bottle and piled conditioner her in hand before roughly dragging it through his hair again.

"Ow...," he said softly, peering up at her.

"Sorry," she backed off, gently massaging his hair while staring directly at the wall behind him.

He must have sensed her trepidation because they were silent until the water began to run cold and the entire time it took to dry off. She left him at the table to eat the food Josh had dropped off while she got ready for bed, brushing her wet hair out and pulling on one of his shirts to sleep in.

"I bet you're fucking adorable when you're pregnant."

Her head snapped up to find that he had been watching her, leaning against the door frame as he chewed away on his sandwich.

"And, just like my mother, you would lose that bet," she muttered, tossing back the covers on her side of the bed.

"Okay," he grinned at her and discarded the last of his food, crawling up the bed to lay beside her. "Then tell me what you're like when you're knocked up."

Liz snorted a laugh and clicked off the lights. "Have you ever startled an angry raccoon living in a garbage can?" She pulled the covers up over her shoulders as Dave barked a laugh. "I'm fat, I hiss a lot, I only come out at night and all I eat is garbage."

"I bet you're beautiful," he replied, still chuckling from what she had said.

"Dave...," she sighed, knowing he wouldn't drop it until she shut him down. She hated to do it, but it was best to cull that idea before it had a chance to turn into a dream. If she knew anything about Dave, it was that he was excellent at turning dreams into reality.

He shifted around in the dark, a little at first and then just enough so that he was in her arms, taking a shaky breath before speaking in the most heartbreaking tone, "Just tell me it's not a no."

Liz smiled, wondering why her shampoo smelled better on him than it ever did on her and once again scattered the pieces of her life for him.

"Nothing is ever a no with you, David."